#letmebebald

[moonygrim]

To Dora Milaje or not to Dora Milaje?

I just need a minute to vent.

So just a quick question: Why is hair so important?

Like how and why did the topic of hair become such an important one?

So just a quick backstory, I'm a black woman and a big fat tomboy. Like growing up I was such a tomboy that most of my relatives thought that I was a lesbian (not that the two have any real correlation but I'm just trying to paint a picture here). So for a majority of my childhood and teen years I almost always had a boyish way about me from the way I dressed to the way I acted to even the way my parents treated me. So for most of my childhood and a large chunk of my teen years I almost always had short hair now this wasn't actully my choice but rather my mother's (she read an article once that stated that getting your children's hair relaxed or done in anyway made them more prone to sexual desires from an early age whether or not this is actually true is really a story for another day). So for most of my childhood and even my teen years my mom always kept my hair (and that of my siblings) either extremely short or we were just bald. While this did bother me a lot growing up because of the teasing I would often get at school for being a girl with no hair I don't really remember it upsetting me a great deal other than the obvious case of hair envy I would usually battle with every now and again. Any ways so when I was around 16 my mom finally let me start really getting my hair done properly, while she had let me get it relaxed before then, my inexperience with taking care of hair properly along with my lack of desire and patience to do so meant I reverted back to having short natural hair soon after getting my hair relaxed for the first time, but at 16 everything was so different. For starters I was nearing the end of my high school career and the boy I liked (who I suspected liked me) had gone and got himself a girlfriend and I was big mad about it. This along with my desire to feel more feminine made me start getting my hair done. and while at first it was fun to actually get to do something different with my hair for the first time ever, a large part of me loathed everything about the experience. Everything from the never-ending manipulation of my hair, to the long hours it took to achieve certain hairstyles and the seemingly never ending rules there were about hair care and maintenance that (given my history with doing my hair) I had never truly dealt with. So by the time I entered university I was exhausted with hair and just wanted it all gone. So started my recurring short hair journey which lasted up until I moved to South Korea earlier this year, a moment which I truly believe sparked my descent into pure hair madness and loathing.

Since moving to a country which has very different standards of beauty to my own, I've really had a hard time adjusting. Besides the ridiculous standards placed on women here, the fact that I am a black woman has really made things even more difficult. While I'm not really one to ever feel like my race makes it impossible for me to do things I will admit that sometimes I do feel like I have to really put in the work to just exist peacefully as a black woman. So because I'm not really in my mood to explain my whole life story I will just sum things up to the fact that I'm having a really hard time trying to be a more feminine version of myself that I am not and (in all honesty) I have never truly been.

Now while I have always been a person who prides themselves on originality and the basic human right to be different, it must also be stated for the records that I am also highly introverted, not confrontational, a little awkward and I truly hate misunderstandings with all my being. So living in a country where a lot of people don't really look like me and are henceforth very curious about black people and our way of life is a little tiring, especially when it comes to the topic of HAIR!!

So as I said before, in Korea (just like everywhere else) there are certain (ridiculous) expectations that are placed on women in terms of how they should look and act and this of course also applies to hair. So in this country, unlike in Africa, bald women are not a thing. and to be honest even really short hair is not all that popular (well that's just counting the area that I live in of course). So me rocking up with short hair or even (dare I say it) no hair would obviously be quite startling and would obviously lead to a never ending stream of questions and me having to explain myself and the fact that having no hair or short hair even if you are a woman is very common where I'm from (cue me using the Dora Milaje from Black Panther as a support base for my argument).

And while I was honestly prepared to have to explain myself and speak for all black people when I first moved here, I think I may have well and truly underestimated just how exhausting that can become after awhile having only had to do this a handful of times in my life because I'm an African who lived in Africa surrounded by other Africans just like me all my life. Plus considering my personality, this has become a bit of a problem for me particularly with the topic of hair and pre-existing notions of beauty and femininity.

Well that's my vent. Thank you for reading.

And to end things off on a beautifully sour note, to whoever made the idea of hair what it is today, along with the originator of the concept of femininity (and what it means) just know you are the monster(s) in all of my nightmares.