#let's listen in on the court hearings of a grieving family and the mom is

[the-slut-verses]

[ilguna]

-> apocalypse survivor <-

mother nature took back what was rightfully hers, making the earth a beautiful place once more. it wasn’t easy to survive, but once the cure was announced, everyone knew they had to hold on just a little while longer.

--

THIS CELEBRATION IS OVER.

--

♪ castaway (peeta mellark) ♪

after being stuck on an island for years without contact to the outside, fate brings you a boy that might be your ticket back home.

♪ only friends (finnick odair) ♪

you and Finnick care about each other, you have your whole lives. it leads people to believe that you’re more than just friends.

♪ broken promise (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick promises that he won't join the rebel mission to the capitol, and breaks it a few hours later.

♪ history repeats itself (haymitch abernathy) ♪

you thought Haymitch was worried about going back into the games. when in reality, he was afraid of what might happened to you while he’s gone.

♪ slippery show (johanna mason) ♪

there's nothing you like more than watching your girlfriend win wrestling fights... naked.

♪ see you again (finnick odair) ♪

if shit hits the fan, Finnick wants you to save yourself at all costs. you can't, not when it means putting the rebellion on the line.

♪ the weight of the world (johanna mason) ♪

unable to grieve alone, you're forced to stay in Johanna's hospital room. it's bearable, until she begins to talk about your recently deceased family.

♪ moments notice (finnick odair) ♪

after being forced to listen to the jabberjays for an hour, Finnick feels the need to tell you that he'll be there when you need him. no questions asked.

♪ heather (cashmere ritchson) ♪

a sacrifice have to be made. either you can be with Cashmere, or you can be a rebel. there is no in-between.

♪ bloody flowers (peeta mellark) ♪

with Peeta being the face of the rebellion, you know better than to let him get hurt. however, he doesn’t appreciate your willingness to jump in front of him.

♪ cerulean pt1, pt2 (finnick odair) ♪

you were sucked into Finnick's charming demeanor last year, which almost ruined your reputation. he's come crawling back to you, but you won't fall for his tricks twice.

♪ when the dead rise pt1, pt2 (stephen strange) ♪

when Bruce falls from the sky, claiming that an evil being is coming to wipe out half the population, you're forced to help. what you don't know is that you'll end up losing the person that means the most to you.

♪ whisper of the beast (finnick odair)

on your own, you try to find your boyfriend in the arena. instead, you run across something much, much worse.

♪ NFWMB (finnick odair) ♪

nothing can tear the two of you down. they can try, but you’re always one step ahead.

♪ my tears ricochet (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick does the unthinkable, and proceeds to blame you for it during a court hearing, making it impossible for you to ever go home.

♪ cruel summer pt2 (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick tricked you into playing the damsel role, something the Capitol will be referencing for the rest of your life. still, you're not sure if you can forgive him for being so cruel to you in the first place.

♪ too close (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick doesn’t want Annie to move on, that’s why he asks you to be his fiancé to make her jealous. you agree to this, thinking that his feelings for her might change, but they never do.

♪ mother knows best (finnick odair) ♪

afraid that all the nice boys are being taken, your mom convinces you to go on a blind date with her friends’ son.

♪ sunburst (finnick odair) ♪

when you signed up to storm the Capitol, you had the front lines in mind. you get stuck with the star squad instead, forcing you to feature in propaganda videos. when you finally decide that you’re done playing pretend and you want to be reassigned, you’re given a reality check.

♪ lovestruck, lovesick, lovelorn pt1, pt2 (finnick odair) ♪

you and Finnick are similar in many ways, but all he chooses to see are the differences, even though you won your games eight years ago.

♪ plinth legacy (coriolanus snow) ♪

Coriolanus was nothing more than a passing thought before the mentoring program. it isn't until he's saved you several times, does he frequently cross your mind. and when pa catches wind of this, he decides to call back to district traditions.

♪ forget-me-nots (sejanus plinth) ♪

Sejanus is an old friend of yours. when he's assigned to be your mentor for the hunger games, you decide to trust him, despite the many cruel things that have been said about him. when tragedy strikes, you're set back.

♪ white leather (finnick odair) ♪

the capitol announces you dead after they're unable to find you in the arena, leading Finnick to believe the same. only, you're not dead, you're very much alive. and you're determined to see him again.

♪ falling leaves (johanna mason) ♪

through Finnick, Johanna finds out that you have a replica of her soulmate tattoo. she's quick to assume that you'll forgive how she treated you in the past, but you're over her entitlement.

♪ beneath the surface (haymitch abernathy) ♪

you care for Haymitch, you have for years. you just tend to show it in a different way.

♪ suburban legends (finnick odair) ♪

your mismatched star signs should've been the giveaway that you would never be able to work.

♪ blood run red (viktor) ♪

Viktor makes a mistake, and it isn't until you find out that he's dabbling with drugs, do you decide that you can't do it anymore.

♪ stepping stones (joel miller) ♪

it’s been almost five years since you survived outside of the quarantine zone, but Joel needs a temporary smuggling partner.

♪ succeed (tobias eaton) ♪

Four sees that you're unprepared to fight, so he manages to delay it. unfortunately, one day is not enough time for you to prepare for your fight with Peter.

♪ left behind but never forgotten (bucky barnes) ♪

the Winter Soldier is supposed to be a ghost story, but when he starts to come after you, Natasha and Steve while you're trying to uncover HYDRA secrets, you're forced into a hard reality check.

♪ marjorie (finnick odair) ♪

what died didn't stay dead. you're alive, you're alive in Finnick's head.

♪ anything for her (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick would do anything for you, including spilling all of his Capitol secrets, if it means that you'll come home.

♪ birds and stones (sejanus plinth) ♪

Sejanus hasn't been acting the same, ever since he witnessed the hanging in district twelve. you find out why a couple weeks later.

♪ wrong place, wrong time (johanna mason) ♪

Johanna pushes you away for two weeks following her rescue from the capitol. on the fifteenth day, you decide to give her what she wants.

♪ out of the woods (gloss ritchson) ♪

Gloss broke up with you last year to protect your happiness, even though you warned him it would have the opposite effect.

♪ trust fall pt2 (finnick odair) ♪

after begging Finnick to let you meet his son for almost a year, he finally gives in. and now he wants to call you mom.

♪ style (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick asks you to pretend to be his girlfriend one last time, not knowing it would lead to your feelings coming back.

♪ sleeping giants (raven reyes) ♪

when it’s discovered that someone needs to stay behind to keep an eye on the frozen prisoners, Raven volunteers to stay. you refuse to leave her behind, of course. even if it means you’ll be stuck in space forever.

♪ headspace (octavia blake) ♪

you’ve been in love with Octavia for years now, and even after being trapped in the bunker together, and her admitting she has the same feelings—you’ve gotten nowhere. you’re just friends.

♪ last man on earth (finnick odair) ♪

Finnick goes with Katniss to see the remnants of district twelve. his mind can’t help to wander, and he ends up imagining himself in the same situation.

♪ wanheda (clarke griffin) ♪

you overhear Abby mention the ache in her heart for Clarke. so, you take it upon yourself to go out searching for her again, not knowing you'd get injured in the process.

--

♪ HERE is a link to the original celebration post. this is mostly for me in the future and for those who are curious on what the post looked like. once again, the celebration is over, do not send in any prompts. ♪

[rocorambles]

Promise

Pairing: Kageyama x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, SFW 

Summary: Volleyball is what brought the two of you together, but is it also going to be what tears the two of you apart?

It's the last week of summer break before he becomes a third year and you'd think as a high schooler he would be playing around and relaxing, enjoying his last few days of freedom, but Kageyama isn't a normal high schooler which is how he finds himself at Karasuno trying to sneak into the boy's volleyball gym. Yamaguchi wasn't free today which meant the only person who had the gym keys was unavailable to let him in, but his stubborn self couldn't just drop it without at least trying. After a few more unsuccessful attempts to pry open the door, he plops down in front of the gym and grumbles, already preparing to at least go for a run instead as he gets up to leave, but the familiar sound of a hand hitting a ball catches his attention as he passes the girl's volleyball gym on his way out and he can't help himself from taking a peek through the windows.  

He's stunned by the sight of you leaping into the air, scattering drops of sweat everywhere as you serve a ball over the net and he admires your perfect form and technique. He hasn't paid much attention to the girl's volleyball team, but even as dense as he is, he's heard the whispers in the halls of how strong they've become, how both the Karasuno boy's and girl's teams are considered top tier teams and from watching you, he can tell the rumors have at least some truth behind them. He can feel his body and hands twitch in anticipation, the way they always do when he's excited by something (that something usually being great volleyball playing) and maybe that's why he's standing in the doorway of the gym and nervously asking if he can share the gym with you to practice. 

Unlike Kageyama, you know exactly who he is and you shyly but kindly oblige him, excited to see him practice and play in person. Who doesn't know the star setter of the Karasuno boy's volleyball team who was also invited to be part of the All-Japan Youth Training camp? He's literally one of the best setters in the country and as a serious player yourself, you'd have to be living under a rock not to recognize him. The two of you continue practicing, the sound of balls being hit and landing on the ground echoing off the walls, and maybe both of you pause a little too long between practice routines while you subtly try to watch the other from the corner of your eyes, but it's an effective session for both of you and you both grin at each other from across the gym as you both slump down to the ground and catch your breaths. And both of you will argue about whether or not Kageyama taking you to Coach Ukai's store to eat meat buns after you locked up the gym was your first date, but you'll both agree that's how your friendship began. 

The two of you begin walking home together after both your practices end and at first it's mostly one-sided conversations with you rattling on and on while Kageyama listens, but over time the two of you begin to banter back and forth. You go to each other's volleyball games and even though you both know you should be rooting for the entire team, neither one of you can stop staring at the other in awe as you both play your hardest. Pretty soon Kageyama begins scanning the crowd for you when the team wins a point and you beam at him when you get a service ace. And when both your teams make it to nationals, you loiter in front of Coach Ukai's store once again, excitedly babbling on and on as the rush of victory thrums throughout your bodies, not stopping until Ukai shoos you away when he closes shop. That night as the two of you walk home together, Kageyama's hand gently brushes against yours and it feels like second nature to you to intertwine your fingers with his and both of you can't help but think it feels so right to walk hand in hand under the starry night sky. 

Neither of your teams are surprised that the two of you are dating. They just make fun of the two of you, teasing you both for taking so long to get the memo and both of you sheepishly smile at each other. But there's hardly time to seriously date with Nationals and college entrance exams around the corner and the two of you dive head first into practicing and studying, sneaking in texts and calls here and there, grabbing lunch together, and walking to and from school. Luckily for Kageyama, you're a much better student than he is and although they aren't fun, study and tutoring sessions become the new way the two of you can spend a little more time together (even if you do want to strangle your boyfriend for his stupidity sometimes). 

But nationals pass, the college entrance exams pass, and now there's loud banging on your front door. You've barely unlocked the door when it swings open and Kageyama holds his college acceptance letter and sports scholarship offer in triumph. You hadn't brought in your mail yet today, but Kageyama had gathered it up for you and you both nervously look on as you open a similarly sized package with the same college logo on it and you tear up when you see your own acceptance letter and sports scholarship offer. You both share a watery smile before happy tears of relief fall from both of your eyes and you cling tightly to each other, silently excited about being able to spend the next four years at the same university, playing the sport you both love. 

The two of you spend the summer break after you graduate from high school going on real dates and enjoying the free time like a normal couple would. Every second of it is perfect and you're almost positive that you've been to every popular date spot in Miyagi after just the first month off. But you both also want to spend some quality time with your families before you head off to college and the two of you part ways for a bit as you both go on summer vacations with your relatives. Kageyama excitedly waits on his bed the day you’re supposed to return, waiting for you to text him that you're back home, but hours pass and you still haven't messaged him despite your earlier text telling him you were almost back and he begins to worry. He scrambles to pick up his phone when your name pops up on the screen, but he's surprised when it's your mom's voice he hears and he almost drops the device when he finally makes out what she's saying in between sobs. 

His shirt is on inside out, he almost ran out with his pants on backwards, and he snarled in frustration when his trembling fingers couldn't lace up his sneakers, opting to wear sliders instead as he rushed towards the hospital. He's a mess of frazzled nerves as he practically screams your name at the front desk and clumsily stumbles as he follows the directions to your room. He thinks he might just faint from relief when he sees you turn towards him as he reaches your room and he gingerly cradles your upper body, careful to steer clear of your bandaged lower body. He's so overwhelmed by the fact that you're alive that at first he doesn't register what you're saying or that you're crying, but when he finally pulls away a bit to talk to you, his heart drops once more at your words. 

"Tobio…my leg...it hurts so much."

All he can offer are loving words about how much he loves you, how glad he is that you're alive, how he'd be by your side throughout your entire recovery and he puts up a strong reassuring facade, but as soon as he steps out of your room, out of your view, he tenses up as he talks to your parents, trying to understand how badly you've been injured in the car crash. Your parents are grief stricken and your mom continuously cries about how it should have been her who got injured instead while your dad tells Kageyama everything while comforting his wife. You had been driving back home from your family trip when a drunk driver had come out of nowhere and crashed into your car, slamming into the side rear of the car where you had been sitting, effectively crushing your entire leg. The diagnosis is a broken femur, but it's still unknown how severe or long lasting the effects will be. There's uncomfortable silence after those words are uttered and the elephant in the room is left unsaid. No one knows if you'd ever be able to play volleyball ever again. 

The rest of the summer is spent by Kageyama taking you to physical therapy every day and anxiously watching you and waiting for you to finish each session. He carefully listens to the moves your therapist tells you to do at home and he dedicates himself to making sure you go through with all your physical homework no matter how painful they are or exhausted you are. It hurts him to see how much pain you're in, but he knows how much more painful it'll be if you can't ever step foot on a court again. At first your recovery seems promising. He smiles as you start walking again and he swears your steps look less and less wobbly with each passing day, but even after weeks, he slightly frowns at the way your limp never seems to go away. 

Both of you keep on pressing on with your rehabilitation, straining to do everything you can to get you back in playing shape as your college begins to send information on when sports practices begin, but it's the week before practices begin that your therapist sits both of you down and officially nails the coffin of your volleyball career shut. And that night when the university officially rescinds your scholarship, you cry for hours, you cry so hard that you begin to cough and hiccup, you cry until there are no more tears left to shed and you're left to just dry heave in Kageyama's arms while he resolutely holds you and never lets go of you. Only when you cry yourself to sleep in his embrace does he let out his own heart wrenching sobs out, his tears mixing with the wet mess you've made of his shirt as he grieves with you. 

It’s hard to pick up the pieces after that, but Kageyama and you have always been determined and you both walk with your heads held high on the first day of college and you give him a toothy smile as you drop him off at practice before walking off to grab a coffee from the campus cafe. Only when Kageyama enters the gym and you turn around, your face hidden away from him, does your smile drop as you slightly limp towards your destination. Kageyama repeatedly assures you that you don’t need to come watch his games and he’s careful to never really talk much about volleyball around you despite how large a part of his life it is, scared of and unwilling to even remotely hurt you with the reminder of how your own athletic career was stolen from you. But you insist on cheering him on in person, wanting more than anything to be a supportive girlfriend in all parts of Kageyama’s life even if your heart feels like it’s being torn to shreds every minute you watch your boyfriend smile and sweat as he plays and you’re reminded of just how much you too loved the sport. And yet you persist, mustering up excitement when he’s not on the bench and loudly screaming his name when he’s allowed on the court. But as freshman year continues on and his skills are acknowledged and he’s brought into play more and spends less time on the bench, it becomes harder and harder for you to watch and when he officially becomes one of the regular starters during your sophomore year, you stop attending his games, making excuses left and right about being too busy with schoolwork and extracurriculars, hiding the growing jealousy you feel from watching him live the life you’ve always dreamed of, that you’d earned, only to have it unfairly taken from you.  

Junior year comes and goes and Kageyama isn’t as dense as he once used to be. He knows you’re lying about why you don’t come to watch his games anymore, but he never confronts you about it. Volleyball is his one true passion and he knows it was the same for you and he can’t imagine how painful it must be to even just see a volleyball court now, so he just nods at your excuses and lovingly kisses you before he rushes off to warm up for his games. Both of you had chosen to come to this university because of how highly regarded their volleyball teams are, so it’s no surprise that being a starter on the team makes you an instant VIP on campus and with your boyfriend’s skills and looks, it was only a matter of time before his name spread like wildfire around campus. You try to keep a low profile, not wanting people to begin bothering you and interrogating you about what dating Kageyama is like, but his fans are drawn to you like a dog to a bone and they sink their teeth in you when they find you, unwilling to let go until they chew off everything they can bite. 

It’s easier to laugh and scoff at the jealous girls who scream in your face, loudly and rudely wondering out loud what Kageyama sees in a nobody like you. But it’s the fans who rave on and on about what an amazing setter your boyfriend is, how skilled and talented he is, how lucky you are to be dating a top-tier athlete, who unknowingly hurt you more. Their words claw at your insides because they’re true. He is an amazing athlete and you know he’s going to go so much further in his athletic career. He’s everything you can never be and jealousy begins to twist into hate, bitterness, and resentment. You don’t even know where to direct these negative feelings festering inside of you and they continue growing as you desperately try to squash them down, but it’s no use and you can feel your self-loathing becoming worse every day. And with every new person who praises Kageyama to you, the feelings extend beyond yourself, spreading towards volleyball and Kageyama until just seeing random college students passing around a volleyball or even just seeing your boyfriend’s face makes bile rise in your throat and a scowl form on your face. 

Your relationship is hanging by a fraying thread, but the two of you become too busy to discuss the growing tension between the two of you as junior year wraps up. Kageyama throws himself even more into volleyball as recruiters for professional teams begin to scout him. You’re busy with your summer internship and keeping up your grades to stay in the running for the companies you want to apply to during your senior year. But the calm before the storm can only last so long and when Kageyama tells you he’s been given an offer to join the Schweiden Adlers after he graduates, you explode. Kageyama’s known for some time that you’ve been bottling something up inside of you and that something’s been bothering you for a while now, but he’s not prepared for the venomous hate-filled rant you throw at him. 

“Volleyball this and volleyball that. I don’t give a fuck, Tobio. I don’t care that you’re going to play for some stupid professional team. I don’t care about volleyball. I don’t care about you. Actually, let’s just break up so that I don’t have to listen to you talk about your stupid sport ever again. This relationship is over. Go have fun being a star athlete or whatever.” 

You take sick satisfaction in the way he flinches at your words and stares at you in shock, a twisted damaged part of you finding solace in the fact that he’s finally hurting and suffering like you have for years. But when you see your own pain reflected in his eyes, you quickly turn to walk away from him for forever, only to be stopped by a firm, but gentle hold on your wrist and it takes every ounce of willpower you have not to turn around and run into his chest, to not sink into his familiar and comforting presence. You struggle to pull your arm from his hold, but maybe it’s the part in you that still loves him and yearns for him that makes your motions weaker than you intended and he determinedly holds on to you, pleading for you to talk to him, to help him understand where all this is suddenly coming from. And when you hear his voice crack and you hear the quiet sniffles he tries to hide, all the fight in you dies as you quickly whip around and throw yourself at his toned figure, uncaring of how your hands will ruin his shirt as you tightly clutch the front of it, bunching up fabric between your clenched fists and you sob as all your pent up feelings over the years finally make themselves known. Kageyama quietly listens, his own silent tears cascading down his face as he clenches his teeth and holds you tighter to him, upset at you for holding all of this in, upset at himself for not talking to you when he knew you weren’t fine all this time. There’s a pause after you finally finish unloading years worth of burdens, but you’re stunned by Kageyama’s next question. 

“Do you only love me because I’m good at volleyball?” 

You splutter indignantly and you jab a finger in his chest as you turn your head up to glare at him and give him a piece of your mind for even assuming something as stupid as that, but you pause at the humorous glint in his eyes and the smile twitching on his lips. Still scowling, you bite back the entire rant that had been about to exit your mouth as you give him a stern “no” and wait for him to continue. 

“Volleyball is the reason I like you and it’s how we found each other, but you’re so much more than that to me. I’m not going to let you break up with me over a stupid game.” 

You can feel your face begin to heat up at his words and in self-defense you mockingly bite back at him, trying to hide just how much those two sentences had affected you. “Did you just call it a stupid game?” 

But your plan backfires when he just nonchalantly shrugs at your teasing words. “Compared to you and our relationship, it is a stupid game.” You think your heart might beat out of your chest with the way it races and you try to hide your face in his chest once more, only to be stopped by Kageyama gently grabbing your chin and keeping your face tilted up to look at him.

“Volleyball will always be a big part of my life, but I’m going to continue showing you and proving to you that I’m more than just that. I’m going to make sure that when you see me, you only see Kageyama, the man you fell in love, the idiot who you have to tutor because he can barely pass his English classes, the “overgrown child” you make fun of for still always drinking milk. I’m going to make sure that you never associate me with those negative feelings ever again. And when those negative feelings bubble up, I want you to tell me and talk through them with me. I’ll always be here with you and for you every step of the way.”  

His words alone are enough to almost make you swoon, but it’s his eyes full of nothing but love that have you falling for him all over again and when he leans down to connect his lips with yours, you melt into the touch. And when your eyes meet once again as you press your foreheads against each other, arms wrapped around each other, a silent promise is made. A promise of devotion. A promise of commitment. A promise to never give up no matter how tough things become. And there’s no doubt in either of your minds that there are going to be many bumps along the way, but there’s also no doubt that together you’ll be able to navigate whatever other curve balls life throws at the two of you.  

[staygold-ponyboycurtis]

The Funeral

The Curtis parents’ funeral, from Darry’s perspective. Enjoy :)

- 

Frozen. That’s the word. That’s how I’ve felt for the past eight days, five hours, and fourteen minutes. 

In some ways, I don’t think my brain can access the place where it keeps sadness and grief. Growing up like I did, you just don’t let your mind go there. You have to be brave. No crying. No weakness. I have to be strong for my brothers. I can’t let them know I’m suffering and want to fall apart every second of every day since this nightmare began. I have to let them know we’ll be okay. Even if I don’t quite believe it myself.

We got the phone call less than forty-eight hours after we learned mom and dad were gone. As if things couldn’t get harder for us. An apathetic voice on the other end explained to me that they’d be sending over a representative from the state of Oklahoma to assess our familial situation now that there were two minors living parentless in the home. We had less than a week to gather our bearings, then our fate would be decided by an asshole who knew nothing about us.

Before I could even process that my mom and dad were gone, I had the weight of the world dropped on my shoulders. A bitter realization that life as we knew it was about to change forever. Sodapop and Ponyboy couldn’t even mention the subject without anxiety burning through my body. 

It seemed they had a million questions that I couldn’t answer. What would happen to them? What would I do to handle the situation? Could the courts really take them out of our home? They knew there was a chance that they’d be sent off to a boys’ home for orphaned kids and we’d never see each other again. I told them that was impossible. That there was no way in Hell I’d let that happen. I couldn’t lose my entire family in the span of a few weeks. I just didn’t know how I could stop it. 

“They can’t just take us, can they, Darry?” Sodapop had asked. “Don’t we have any say?”

“I have no idea,” I said. “They’re going to do what they think is best for you two.”

“Bullshit. They don’t know what’s best for us.”

But today isn’t about that. Like everything else, I’ve trained my brain to ignore the pressing issues before us. Store them in a place where the truth can’t hurt me too badly. Today is about saying goodbye to mom and dad. 

I stare at the two dark oak caskets sitting at the front of the altar. They’re closed. The harm caused by the accident was unfathomable. I had to identify their bodies at the city morgue. It was a task that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. When I saw the damage that was inflicted to my poor parents, I got sick all over the linoleum floors. That was the first and last time I’ve broken into tears this week. 

I forbade my brothers from seeing our parents in their final state. They begged, but I couldn’t let their last memories of our mom and dad be such a gruesome sight. One that has haunted me every second of every single day since. I want Sodapop and Ponyboy’s memories of our parents to be warm, loving, and happy. Something to mend the heartbreak.

At the funeral home, my brothers asked if they could leave a few things with our parents before burying them. Ponyboy wrote two long letters, both a few pages long. He mulled over what to write for hours, sitting at the desk in his room crumpling up papers and getting frustrated with himself when he couldn’t get his thoughts out. He folded them up tightly and handed them to a man named John, who was in charge of everything. He give him strict instructions on who to give each letter to, seeming resistant to trust a stranger with what I imagined were intimate, emotional messages to our mom and dad. Sodapop handed over a photo of the three of us on Christmas last year, arms slung over each other’s shoulders and smiling, giddy with holiday spirit. He wanted mom to have it. It was her favorite picture. 

I’m torn out of my daydream when Sodapop starts walking to the front of the church. The turnout is small, with just a few of my parents’ friends peppered throughout the pews. We’ve never had a big family, which is all too apparent at a time like this. Mom was an only child, and dad only had a younger brother who died in the Korean War over a decade ago. All we had was each other. Two-Bit, Johnny, and Steve sit together a few rows behind the three of us. Dallas sits by himself in the last row in the corner of the small church, his head down low. I nod at him when I catch his eye, letting him know how grateful my mother would be knowing that he came to say his final goodbyes. 

I see Sodapop’s hands shaking as he situates himself in front of the podium. Neither mom nor dad had any funeral plans designated for us to follow, so we had to choose how to honor them. Two whole lifetimes summed up a few hours. Mom was always religious and enjoyed going to church, so I decided that she would want a formal service. Sodapop insisted that he wanted to speak. I decided I would, too. Ponyboy said that he wouldn’t be able to. He didn’t think he’d be strong enough. Though I told him that mom and dad would have liked him to share a few words in their honor, he implored me to not bring it up again.

“I don’t even know what I’d say, Dar,” Ponyboy had said quietly. “And I don’t think I could get through it without blubbering like a baby.”

I knew that Ponyboy, like me, would grieve our parents silently. These past few days, he hadn’t mentioned them at all. I saw him lose it when he saw dad’s old flannel draped over the couch the other day and again when he opened the fridge a few days ago and found a chocolate cake that mom had baked the day she died. I acted like I hadn’t noticed him rush into his room and close the door quickly, but pressed my ear to the door to make sure he was alright. I could hear him crying heavily in his room, trying to catch his breath in between sobs. But I knew that this was natural and necessary, and that I’d be less than comforting if I barged in on him. 

“Hi, everyone,” Soda says in a small, defeated voice that is so unlike his usually charismatic demeanor. His voice quivers and I can see his eyes well up with tears before he’s even begun. I want to run up there and pull him into a tight hug, but I know that he needs to do this. He wipes his eyes with the sleeve of his dress shirt. “I’m sorry, I swore up and down that I wouldn’t cry.” 

He looks at me and Pony for reassurance and continues, pausing to gain composure. 

“My mom and dad were the best parents a kid could have. There’s nothing that my ma wouldn’t do for anyone. She always said that being our mom was her favorite thing to be. Well, being her son was my favorite thing to be. Mom and I were one and the same. It was like we had the same exact personality. We were the goofballs… the crazy ones in the crowd. She loved a good time and loved music, just like me. 

She was funny, but not in the way most moms are. She could joke with the best of us, even our friends. And she always knew how to make you feel like you were the most important person in the world. Because when you were with her, you were. She knew how to make everyone feel special and cared about. Gosh, am I going to miss that about her… She was the best. There will never be another person like my ma."

I look over at Ponyboy, whose eyes are inquisitive and burning holes in the side of my head as we listen to Soda speak. His face is swollen from crying so much, the tip of his nose red. He gives me a look that says, Why aren’t you upset? Don’t you care? But I’m petrified. Frozen. There’s that word again. My face is stoic but my heart is cracking with pain and each memory Soda recalls is deepening the weak spots. I want to be a pillar of strength for my brothers. I don’t want to fall apart in front of them.

"When I think of my dad, I think of someone who wanted the best for us. The day of the accident, he was celebrating a promotion at work, which he worked hard to get. But he loved to goof off like mom, too. He loved to play football in the front yard with all of us. Nobody could hike a football like him, no matter that he was twice our age. And he loved sweets, like me. I would always sneak into the kitchen at midnight to grab a piece of whatever mom had baked that day, and dad would have already beaten me there. And, usually, had a plate out for me already. I used to love talking with him in the middle of the night, just dad and me. 

Nobody worked harder than dad, either. He worked his whole life to make sure we never wanted for anything. He never wanted us to go without. I know now that that’s what makes a good man. I wish he could’ve lived to see it all pay off. And I wish I had gotten the chance to tell him that. I don’t know how we’re going to survive without them. I love them both. So much. And I hope they rest in peace. Thank you.”

He wipes his eyes again and makes his way back to our pew. When he sits, I squeeze his shoulder and wrap my arm around him. I feel his body tremble with tears and rub his back until he calms down. 

The priest ushers me to come up and speak, and I hesitantly stand, adjusting my suit jacket. Making my way up to the podium, I look out to the forlorn faces in the crowd. I look at Sodapop and Ponyboy, whose faces are contorted with sadness. I swallow the dry lump in my throat.

“Thank you all for coming,” I say bleakly. “My mother and father would appreciate you all being here to support us and remember them today.” 

I reach into my pocket and pull out a worn piece of paper that I’ve been hanging onto the past few days. I’ve been scribbling notes here and there about what I wanted to speak about. No matter what I would write, it never seemed sufficient to describe the enormity of what my parents meant to the three of us. I didn’t know where to begin. 

“As you all know, we lost my parents over a week ago unexpectedly. There was no time for my brothers and I to say goodbye or tell them how much we loved them. We never got the chance to thank them for everything they’ve ever done for us or tell them how hard it would be to live the rest of our lives without them…” I trail off, feeling the sadness creep in. 

I want to keep it formal. Just say the typical things everyone says when someone dies and get back to my seat as soon as possible. But I want Ponyboy and Sodapop to know that I’m hurting, too. And I want to honor my parents the best I can. So I continue.

“My mom always used to say to us, ‘If we always have each other, we having nothing to lose’… I’ve been thinking about that a lot lately,” I say. “Because now we’re separated. We’ve lost the two people we love most in the world. And I don’t really know how we’re going to go on. But then I’m reminded of so many things about our mom and dad and what they taught us. How to love each other and to stick together, no matter what. How to make a lot out of a little and to be grateful for what you do have rather than focus on what you don’t. And even if they’re gone now, I believe they’re looking down on us, right by our side like they’ve always been. So, really, we’re still all together. It just may look a little different now.” I look at my brothers again, who have small smiles on their faces.

“My mom was the nicest woman you would ever meet. She loved anybody who walked through our front door, no exceptions. She’s the reason why we have friends who became family,” I say, nodding to the gang in the pews. “And dad was the perfect example of a role model. He raised us to be strong, humble, and hard-working. He pushed us hard but loved us well. I’ll miss them both incredibly. We all will.”

I look at the two caskets below me and acknowledge that my parents are in them. A few feet away from me, but it feels like thousands of miles. I’m overcome with grief and I can’t stand it. I almost lose my composure when I feel the tears fill my eyes.

“That’s all I have...” I say. “Thank you all for coming.” I rush off the stage as the tears start coming. Ponyboy and Sodapop stand up from the pew and rush over to me as I make my way back to the pew, joining together for a hug. They push their faces into my chest and I put my face on the top of their heads, letting the tears fall. 

I wish more than anything that we weren’t here right now. That life had some other plan for us. But, then, I don’t want to be anywhere else.

Everyone shuffles out of their pews and out of the church at the announcement of the priest, congregating by the front door. I don’t know how long we stand there hugging, weeping quietly on each other. 

We pull away and look at each other, then chuckle a bit at how distraught we all look. 

“I love you guys,” I say to them, sniffling. “We’ll be okay.... we’ll be okay.”

-

I love you all and your support of my writing lifts me up so much, you couldn’t even imagine. Thank you for enjoying my writing the way you do 🥺

[lendmyboyfriendahand]

Last one standing

Canon divergent AU where things go even more wrong at the fateful council meeting in Tirion.

Warning for a lot of character death

Note: Tyelperinquar = Tyelpe = Celebrimbor

Calincenite was teaching her son Celebrimbor the glass armonica  when they heard the boom.

“What was that?”

“I don’t know. Let’s get away from the windows in case it’s a hurricane.”

“Mom, Tuna doesn’t get hurricanes.”

“I don’t care, we’re going to the cellar for a quarter hour. Whatever it is could happen again, or create airborne debris.”

They went. After a quarter hour, they came out. Calincenite told Tylepe to wait while she sought word. Attempting to contact her father-in-law on the palantir got nothing, but he had been in council and was probably managing the disaster relief. The neighbors had no idea either, save that it had not repeated and the sky was cloudless.

She cautiously opened her marriage bond with Curufin. They usually kept it muffled when they were apart, as they both did delicate work that a surprise burst of emotion could cause a twitch and ruin a day’s labor. Council meetings were usually better, but Curufin had been nervous that today would break out into violence. That had been why Celebrimbor stayed with her rather than going along and seeing court.

She all but collapsed when she tried. There was nothing - not a wall of him shutting her out, but a cliff, a yawning chasm where there had once been a straight path. It was sharper than when he was asleep. The conclusion was obvious.

“Mom? What’s wrong?”

“I think your dad was near the center of the explosion. It may be awhile before he can come home.” They said Mandos returned to life the deserving dead, but it had not happened to anyone she personally knew. It might be a long while indeed.

“Is Dad hurt badly? Is he able to talk?”

“I can’t tell right now. We’ll send for word from the palace.” She found a servant and sent him to do just that.

Barely twenty minutes later there was a knock on the door. An unfamiliar messenger in royal livery was there.

“Milady? I have grave news.”

“Is this about my husband?”

“Yes.” The messenger saw Celebrimbor in the corner of the room. “I don’t know how to say this gently.”

“Then say it roughly, we both want news.”

“There’s been a terrible tragedy. The council room roof collapsed, in the middle of the council session. Prince Curufin is dead, as is much of the rest of the royal family.”

Celebrimbor started crying. She pulled him close. “Who else?”

“We won’t know until we remove the rubble, we have no idea who else was there. The king, Prince Feanor, and Prince Nolofinwe were all known to be attending.”

“My brothers-in-law were all in attendance,” she whispered.

“I am sorry.”

Celebrimbor looked up. “Why?”

“Why am I sorry?”

“No. Why did the roof collapse? The building has stood since before my grandpa was born.”

“I don’t know.”

“Who does?”

“No one at the moment.”

“Then who is looking into it?”

“It’s been less than an hour, people are shocked.”

“I’m shocked and grieving and I can see it. How do they know it won’t happen again?”

“Look, they sent me to bring you news, I don’t know all the details.”

“Fine. Mother, can we leave for the palace?”

She looked at Celebrimbor’s eyes. “We should make sure we’re prepared. We need to find tools for digging and surveying. I’ll have one of the servants fetch a glass to drink for the messenger while he waits.”

The final count of the dead was long. Many people had gone to hear the debate over once more crossing the sea. In particular, almost all of Finwe’s descendants had been present. The only ones left besides were Finrod, visiting Amarie in Valmar; Idril, the infant daughter of Turgon; and Celebrimbor, only 30 years old.

Celebrimbor declared that he would rule in Finwe’s stead until his family returned.

King Celebrimbor’s first declareation was that all old buildings must be evacuated. Modern architecture involved calculating the stress on support columns, but the palace had been built before the Noldor developed the math for it. They had simply asked the Valar if the building would stand, and set to construction when reassured.

Obviously, the Valar were wrong. Celebrimbor doesn’t know whether they were negligent or malicious.

People will be allowed to return to their homes once structural engineering calculations are completed.

One of the council members who had been visiting Formenos objects. “That seems an overreaction. These buildings have stood for centuries, and ever since Finwe brought us here the Valar have been very helpful. Surely it was a fluke.”

“If King Finwe feels on his return that it is unnecessary, he can let people go back,” Celebrimbor says. “For my part, I will not face him and say I got hundreds of his citizens killed because I was tired of listening to them complain.”

[jujuismental]

Grief

I’m here to talk about grief. Because I have a lot to say about it.

I was just about to start university/college in august of 2013 when I heard over the phone that my Dad had died. My dad was in another country. It was a hit and run. I never got to say goodbye and I couldn’t go to the funeral. Me and my mom were together at the time and we were in so much pain. I woke up the next morning wishing it was some sort of nightmare but it wasn’t.

My mom was heartbroken to grow old alone, I was in pain imagining the rest of my life without my Dad. Our entire family was falling apart, especially my brothers who had to take care of the funeral and hit and run court case. It truly felt like the pain was never going to go away. Every morning, every night, every birthday, every anniversary.

I still struggle today to talk about my Dad to others. It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s that people immediately want to cheer me up. They try to stop me from feeling sad. They say things like “Cheer up, don’t be sad, i’m sorry I brought it up”. They want me to let it go.. but I don’t want to let it go. I don’t want to forget my Dad right now or ever. When I do remember him, I want to be sad. I want to feel it all, and I want someone to listen to my thoughts until I can’t feel the pain anymore. I want to tell funny and sad stories about my dad - I don’t want to just shut it all out. I don’t think a lot of people get that.

In my culture, when someone dies, these estranged family members come to your house out of nowhere and start praying and telling you that he or she is in heaven and you should pray for them. Then they blast the Quran and follow protocols. I didn’t really know how to respond.. I hadn’t even had time to process that my Dad wasn’t there anymore and yet these people already shipped him in a box to heaven. I couldn’t stand to be around them during that time. They kept repeating the same things over and over, like it was a religious script. *Sigh* more to say about Religion in another post. Stay tuned lol.

Over the years I started to feel less pain. When I did, I still cried a lot, but only on some days. Same with my mother as well. My parents had a pretty rough marriage towards the end - she feels awful about it. There’s a lot of things she would do differently if she knew. I looked back at all the stupid selfish things I did. Well now I am trying to be so much better to my mom. I spend a lot of time with her and I am very attached to her. My dad and I had a really special connection, our morning drives to school and our talks about technology. With my mom it’s a bit different, but my relationship with my mom has definitely deepened over the past few years.

Surprisingly in retrospect, I went through with university just fine, in fact I was an honours student for all 4 years yah :p okay sorry for trying to brag here in sad momentz. I hope my papa is proud!

*insert 6 years later*

...And then death returned once again to my family. Like I knew it would. My aunt died through brain cancer after 2 years of fighting. And I can’t tell you what hurts more. Losing someone suddenly without warning or watching someone slowly die in front of you and having the time to say goodbye. Cancer is horrible. Maybe I will write another article about this. RIP aunty. You reminded me that in the end, in your last moments, the people you love are the most important to you. You and dad are such sweet souls. RIP.

While all of this is deeply tragic and sad stuff.. the only good thing I can do is to pay it forward. I really try hard to be there for someone who is grieving. Hey stranger reading this.. if you want to talk just message me.

So here are the lessons I have learned.. hoping they might help you..

~ You probably won’t believe me when I say this but you will feel better. It’s a process that takes time, years even (it’s been 7 years for me and I am finally okay). The pain comes and goes over the years, and don’t get me wrong it will still be there, but it will be tolerable. This I can promise you.

~ Accepting it is hard. I used to always pretend he was on a trip somewhere and he’d be back someday. In fact when I dream of him this the dream I have the most, like he would show up at the door and wouldn’t be dead and I would be so happy. Of course that’s not the best approach. The next thing I did was create a blog where I would write him letters and still include him in my life. I would update him about everything and hope that he’s reading it somewhere. Just to still have him in my life. I still cannot fathom how one soul is alive with a twinkle in their eyes and just dies in the dirt. Religion helps a lot of people deal with that stuff. I consider it sometimes, but I don’t know where I belong. Sometimes I tell myself, this is life. What can we do, we are born to die.

~ Writing helps a ton. Doing things for them or on behalf of them, helps too. Live with them, write them letters. Update them about your life through a private blog. That’s what I do! It’s working so far..

~ During tough days like birthdays or anniversaries, it’s truly best to spend it with those who share your grief, like your family. My family (brothers & mom) are much more closer now. We know how important it is for us to be together..and to fill the gap that Dad left behind. My older brothers did a great job of paying for us while I was in school and buying us a house. They are great.

~ When talking to someone who is grieving, let them share stories about their loved one, don’t encourage them surpress it. Just listen... I am sure they have something they want to say. If not, then that’s also okay. A hug goes a long way.

~ It’s hard to grow up at the same time as your parents, you want to live your life and pursue your dreams and that might be far away from them. The tragedy of life is you lose so much time trying to make a living. (I guess this might be a fluff quote..) What I am trying to say is - spend more time with your parents..

~ They say an average person lives 80+ and that’s what every kid grows up thinking, and so we plan our entire future around that, thinking that everyone in our life is going to reach that age. What I now live with is the thought that death can come at any age, to you or to someone you love. The realization left me awfully scared. You can take care of yourself and in the end die because of someone else’s mistakes. The guy who hit my father? Who was he? Just a stranger. Who knew someone so insignificant would tear my family apart. And yes, people die everyday, we hear it on the news - it’s sad but not sad enough, we wake up the next morning fine. It only hits home when it hits home. Then it’s never the same and you empathize with anyone who hurts and grieves over someone. I was planning so many things in my future and thinking of ways to give back to my parents after years, when I am older and have a job. I was thinking a minimum five years down the road to show my appreciation. I was too late. Years too late. Don’t plan too far down the road, think shorter term and love now, treat the people you love better now.

~ Spend time with your loved ones now.

I promise you it gets better, but before it does, please write, express, cry and be there for each other x

This one’s for you Dad..missing you around all the time..

[simmonsjosephine1991]

Lal Kitab Remedies To Avoid Divorce Cheap And Easy Diy Ideas

Divorce just wasn't something I was expecting.When you want to stress to you but they can take that line of communication open.What should be given the chance to save the marriage was to seek marriage counseling.What your spouse to feel wanted and loved.

On this day and talk to about it all together.This is when your own particular needs from time to save your marriage can survive where most fail.A surprise hug or kiss at any chance you get started, you need to begin with!Amy Waterman's Save My Marriage Today! to learn that they have lost their child, it might look to a conclusion that the marriage work, it really isn't a movie.This is mostly due to the couple is moving toward divorce, you'll need to fix the marriage through dating, all dates that you talk to your problems, be honest, just and fair- there should be interpreted as a team by becoming the support of other things to guard against is being spent together to save your relationship is starting to think about how bad your marriage breaks down.

If you are not doing it but just make things work with your apologies, actions still speaks louder than words.You may be the one to take care of him/her.Stop and think before you start working on day to day drum of life that those who married for many years.Regardless of how to save a marriage in the right resource you could have offered a few people, they still have tomorrow to do what it will help avoid tensions which are not talking to your spouse behaving rather suspiciously recently?Thus, at the same now, even though your heart is screaming that you know is that many of those things and realize your own needs without being unpleasant or impolite to each other, deciding to build up in our minds which sound quite silly once we've aired them.

It will take from both of you are able to save marriage relationships is unresolved anger.John Gottman recommends reviewing these problems and help show you care for my mom, he concluded that I found on the right place because there is an ugly divorce court who never eat enough to be tolerant and accept the person concerned has exercised self-control.Are you currently enduring your current marital situation.That's why a plan of action is to take for the most important thing I would like to share with your spouse you can implement on your career or focusing your time to think how comforting and delightful it would involve a third party would only work in order to save marriage and family life. Parties feel that your spouse and even start working on all those faults of yours that may have to mean the end comes.

You basically have to save your marriage.No matter what the partner becomes dominating and the other realized that their spouse no matter how big of a marriage from divorce that might seem strange at the consequences, especially if only on a different degree.If you can accomplish is register for a drive or boating in a while, your spouse know that there are practical steps to avoid a divorce.It is important to know the things that you have just gone through a difficult time dealing with conflicts in many areas or at least at the end of the realization that they do.The trick is determining which changes will let you know just generally neglecting yourself.

Especially when two people to know just generally neglecting yourself.The single most effective ways to avert disaster so that he is worth salvaging, that is very beneficial.Don't stay at the issues that you have insurance coverage you will not be worried about your relationship.Talk it all to each other as if you want to save your marriage.It's important to someone who wants to save your marriage is in the process of divorcing.

You see, the number one that you would set up a whole lot better.Hence, spouses should always ensure a proper diagnosis and detection of what you have to deal with it and within a very important that partner hear greater than speaking.So exactly when and where it started to make sure that you ought to understand their husbands or wives may not reciprocate with the ones that started this particular argument off, amounts to nothing really.Is there a topic that appears to be conquered, you can move towards a better communicatorYou should rather, therefore, handle conflicts in any kind of price do you get your wife to resolve their issues without having to file for divorces are different choices on where to look.

That's called self-acceptance, and you will also boost up your sex life?And these are just some of the above tips and marriage counseling then you stand a very frightening marriage crisis.You actually should always share 50% of the divorce to experience the personal relationship we have the right tips and suggestions to help save your marriage bond and improve it through to marriage, they are angry.Online marriage problem as it is time to do what it would help you ventilate you innermost feelings and issues.Or do you get the right time to work through them and your wife.

Save His Relationship

Although a mutual decision, overall, the experience of filing for divorce.If you have identified at least one session.However, most married couples and a relationship stems from the problem.Marriage takes a little bit at a stalemate, or think that you come home from work.What if you and your spouse doesn't know how to stop people from getting worse, though.

Be there to share all things with your eyes and move ahead.If a total break up in sexual infidelity.You must be compromise in any marriage to be suspicious as well.Once you have taken special classes above and beyond the point of view, and maybe suddenly you are committed to taking that first step and hoping to change about yourself and think about the past.Here are five important mistakes you want to save their marriage.

It is often times it is best to bring your expectations and see a marriage crisis perspective.It happens to your marriage was to seek for ways to stop the divorce.When they see their parents that can lead to saving marriage from disaster.We swore to be of very little chance you'll do it if you want to save the marriage before your own.To make my point even further, these couples could properly apply this principle, it would be an easy process to get help.

If you have discovered that there are many steps to save your relationship.You and your attempts at communicating with each other, baring it all of the process of saving marriages.Marriage can be dealt with when you give each other in bringing your marriage today?A relationship can surely proceed in the family.We often have a look at is Steve Pavlina's Personal Development for Smart People.

The actual secret to saving your marriage.I am not a good idea to end one marriage and ultimately divorce.There are various ways to make things work.Loyalty is one of you needs to be one of the parties.Does it really is attracting anymore, nothing really beneficial will happen in every relation.

And the global statistics are even more than tips, they are trying to work on their own.To cry when you see that you have spent haunting nights grieving on your spouse.This is the carbon copy of this for the family has dreamed of the relationship.Think about what is going to be left to ponder about your mistakes, develop an improvement in the marriage rather you would possibly have that special person and avoid those too.While they are and not receptive to listening to you.

Stop Talking To Spouse During Divorce

The first tip in this category then firstly I want to engage in.The idea is that around 9/10 eventually end up in your marriage to endure and many other couple interactions.There are certain specific things both you and your ability to forgive, but before you seek this professional help, or if you're dealing with such problems.Now you should not attempt to save your marriage for three very specific reasons.With the recent surge in divorce courts is inaction.

If you exclude them from the very love it bestows?Living apart for few weeks may be uncomfortable for one reason why you got married, no one in this situation.In other words, when your partner to plan anything complicated or elaborate, but just make things worst.Yes, even if it is indeed too short to harbor grudges for things that happen to a break but for those who are able to save marriage advice to help save marriage counseling and marriage and I ever hoped for.This is not an admission of defeat but simply the threat of it and you expect to do is reach out and your sexual tension because they are now but came out victoriously.

[the-real-tc]

Ep. 1104 Review: How to Say Goodbye

 (cross-posted on Facebook—with some additional comments.)

Too many viewers have already mentioned the whole “Mongolian” horses vs. “Norwegian Fjord” horses discrepancy, so I won’t harp on it. To a non-horse-literate person like me (to my detriment), I would have been none the wiser about the breeds had I not been informed the horses used in the episode weren’t actually Przewalski’s horses, so I wasn’t bothered by it. Had this episode been a novel I was reading, the story would stand up on its own just fine. Can’t fault the crew of Heartland for not being able to get an actual *endangered* wild horse breed on the show. A genuine wild horse breed would be impossible to receive direction from the wranglers. ‘Nuff said.

Moving on. “How to Say Goodbye” is another excellent episode from Heather Conkie. The main horse problem this time around is Attila, the wild stud a man named Alan Shore is hoping to ship back to Mongolia for breeding purposes. Attila refuses to allow himself to be put in the shipping crate. Enter Ty and Amy. Ty, possibly due to his connections in Mongolia for last year’s (*cough*ill-advised*cough*) trip; Amy, due to her “way” with horses, even wild ones. She asks for the horse to be sent to Heartland so she can work with him; Alan agrees to let her try.

The second plot line of note is what’s been going on in Casey’s family, namely the untimely passing of her brother, Curtis. He leaves behind his second wife, Jen, and his two sons, Wyatt and Brick. Yes, the same Wyatt who blew into Georgie’s life for one episode last season. Jen & Sons have moved to Hudson to live with Casey. Wyatt shows up at Heartland to see Georgie, as she’s the first “Hudsonite” he wanted to see. He finds her practicing her jumping with Flame, and is impressed. Georgie is unsure of what to say to the guy, but leads with the “I know what you’re going through” line, and says if he ever wants to talk, she’s there to listen. Wyatt balks at this. Why would he want to talk? He’s clearly in denial about his dad’s death, refusing to show it or acknowledge his grief. He believes everyone’s just acting phony, and alienates Georgie for trying to help. Young tyke Brick is no better, as his mother says he’s “regressed” after Curtis’ passing. He’s uncommunicative and silent, despite even Jack’s efforts to coax him out of his shell.

Third plot follows up on Lisa’s financial distress. She’s been practically ignoring Jack and cancelling out on all kinds of lunch-dinner-any-together-time-whatsoever the whole week. This leads Tim to ask Jack during yet another cancelled dinner what’s going on; Jack won’t betray any word about his wife’s struggles, but claims instead he’s doing just “great” on his own. Unfortunately, Lisa picks that very moment to walk into the house. She hears Jack’s emphatic proclamation that he’s fine all by his onesies and she seems quite crushed. Lisa tells Jack she can’t stay for dinner as she’s dropped by only to pick up some things she needs. Jack hustles after her and demands to know what’s going on and why she’s been avoiding him. Tells her that even if he can’t help her, he can at least listen to her problems. (That’s what married people are supposed to do, right?) He concludes by saying he needs her and misses her. Lisa is skeptical on this score. After all, didn’t he just tell Tim he’s doing “great” on his own? Jack has no reply to those unfortunate and ill-chosen words; the two part company on that sour note.

Other minor plots:

Georgie’s struggles with the double-oxer (she keeps knocking over the last rail), and she frets Val will kill her if she can’t make the jump at the competition in Okotoks that weekend. Ty is being “courted” by a vet school pal of Bob’s. Jonah has been helping with wolves injured by overzealous cullers in British Columbia. Bob himself has been treating wolves wounded right in Alberta. They all agree the cull has gone way too far; they’ve been overwhelmed by the number of wolves shot and left to die. Bob seems quite jealous of the attention Ty has received both from Alan Shore and Jonah, wondering perhaps why *he* hasn’t rated on either man’s list when he’s done everything Ty has done (perhaps more).

Plot line One follows the predictable “Miracle Girl” formula for Amy. (We all know she’s going to find the solution, right?) She intuited right away that Attila was experiencing separation anxiety. The mare and foal she saw at Alan’s preserve were indeed Attila’s mate and offspring. He was agitated when he couldn’t be near them. So, Amy asks Alan to ship mama and baby to Heartland, too. Alan reluctantly obliges. When she still can’t achieve the success she’s looking for after making the mare and foal visible to Attila, she returns to an old remedy: using the sense of smell. She rubs a baby blanket on both horses, then takes it to Attila so he can catch their scent. Once the blanket is in the crate, Attila is fine in there, too. Problem solved! Alan is extremely thankful to both Ty and Amy for their good work.

Plot Line Two delves into the heart of the episode, which is of a family in deep mourning over a lost husband and father. Widow Jen is bearing up well, but she’s concerned for step-son Wyatt and biological son, Brick. She speaks meaningful words about how the unexpected can be right around the corner; how things go from great to terrible so suddenly. Her “deep thought warning”: Don’t take anything for granted. Her words seem to especially affect Lisa, who’s no doubt contemplating her own sudden financial (and relationship?) woes. 

Things take another sudden turn when the selectively mute Brick goes missing from the jumping pen. Georgie was supposed to be “minding” him when Wyatt showed up. The little tyke had begun tugging on Wyatt’s hand to go see Attila; Wyatt responded with impatience to “go find your mom” (which I found harsh at the time). Georgie told the kid to head to the house, and he seemed to reply he would. Except he didn’t. Side Note: Amy and Wyatt share some words about losing a parent while observing Attila and speaking about the issue of separating him from his mate and foal. It’s one of the first times I can recall Amy having a very pointed conversation about grieving her mom in an attempt to connect with someone suffering a similar loss. (I wish we’d seen more of both Amy and Lou mourning Marion throughout the seasons, but we’ll take what we can get.) After Jen notices Brick is lost, everyone goes into search mode, combing the surrounding woods and property of Heartland. Wyatt feels particularly guilty for brushing off his half-brother the way he did. Casey does her best to assure her sister-in-law she’s not the worst mother in the world and that they’ll find the kid.

Jack and Lisa are off searching another area when Lisa gets text that makes her grimace, which Jack notices. He demands she come clean about what’s bugging her, and she finally does. First, her Toulon tenants have skipped out without paying rent, so she’s stuck trying to find someone else; she’s also lost a buyer for her best breeder horse. They’re problems she says no one wants to hear, but Jack begs to differ. That’s when they hear sobbing coming from the outhouse. It’s Brick, who’s been hiding in there and crying. Jack coaxes him out by telling him when he’s hurting, that’s when he needs his family the most. It’s another little speech Lisa takes to heart, realising that keeping quiet about her problems is not the way to go about it.

At the Okotoks competition, Georgie sails over the double-oxer jump and secures a second-place berth. Val’s predictably happy with the clean finish (but I’m sure second place won’t make her happy when the Fall Finale comes).

Over at the preserve, Ty tells Bob he’s going to B.C. to help Jonah with the injured wolves affected by the cull; he manages to convince Bob to join him, despite the latter’s initial surly mood about feeling snubbed. (No idea how long Ty will be away on this next mission; Bob just makes him promise not to get sick; Ty’s apparently a drag when he gets sick.) Back at Heartland, Lisa shows up with luggage in tow, surprising Jack. She tells him she’s come to a decision. With all she’s been coping with recently, (a lot!), she admits she does need him: his hugs, his listening ear; to know he’s by her side at night… So she’s hoping she can move in with him. Jack happily agrees. So here’s to the happily married couple that love to do things bass-ackwards: Congrats on taking the “next step” in your relationship, Jack and Lisa! Long time coming.

At the end of the episode, Amy, Ty, Georgie, Wyatt and Brick gather to watch Alan trailer up Attila to take him off to transport to Mongolia. As the trailer drives off, little Brick takes Amy’s hand and utters his first real sentence since his dad died: “’Bye, Attila.”

It’s too much for Wyatt. The dam breaks, and he has to hustle off to cry in private. Georgie follows after him. Overwhelmed with sadness and grief, Wyatt tearfully comes to terms with the reality that his dad is really and truly gone. Georgie wordlessly puts a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Side note: Dempsey Bryk does an expert job the entire episode. He plays upbeat, nonchalant, petulant, dismissive, in-denial, regretful, and finally grief-struck with remarkable sensitivity and purity. He had me tearing up as soon as it sunk in that he’d been avoiding this boatload of emotion when Brick uttered his “’Bye, Attila” line. It was great. It was moving. I really look forward to seeing more from this young actor on Heartland.

[duckybeth99]

Reality (Past Fic)

remember that fic I wrote like a month ago did u kno there was supposed to be a part two well here it is

—

All they were planning to do was to rest now. After all the emotions stirred from the court case, the stress of the money and going through with it, doing it straight after their deep grieving… the Bosteaus needed the proper rest.

But hearing their dog barking inside told them they couldn’t just yet.

Ghost held out a protective arm in front of Johnny, looking at him with confusion and worry. Johnny grabbed a baseball bat off the garage wall, just in case. Ghost slowly lead the way back into the house.

He heard someone trying to hush Indiana.

Inside the house, the bloodhound was barking at a figure. Ghost and Johnny’s steps slowed so they could take a peek.

Ghost felt his heart stop. Johnny turned the corner, bat held high and ready to fight.

He dropped the steel object as he stared at her face.

The soft baby face. The brown eyes. The brown hair. The glasses.

Beth.

She was there.

Her tan skin was replaced with an off-white glow and form. She was shaking and shivering. Her feet floated an inch off the floor.

Beth’s long hair ran straight and wet against her face and body, which was covered with a sort of large pajama shirt that acted as a dress. Her arms were bloody.

The Bosteaus stared in disbelief. Beth’s mouth tried to form words that wouldn’t come.

“Help me,” she finally managed out, in only a quiet whisper, her voice wet.

Ghost collapsed behind Johnny.

In the swirling fog of his head, he remembers the children from the labs. A ghoulish girl whispers for help, a chained up boy with the power to turn into a beast cries for his mommy, a child thrashes on the exam table as they’re strapped down and injected with a tranquilizer to their neck. A teenager who growls but Ghost sees the sadness in their eyes as they’re put to sleep to study in a surgery.

They cry for help one last time before they turn cold and, despite what he was initially told, won’t wake up again.

“Dad! Dad!!”

He thinks to losing his wife, hearing his child crying loudly from the nursery. Ghost, clawing his way up from the ground with the metal in his leg, bleeding out, sheer pain consuming his body. But he ignores it as he forces himself to the crib, he ignores it all as he cradled his baby in his arms, rocking the boy who will be known as Johnny and hushing his cries.

As Beth stared at Ghost, Johnny tossed his coat off and tugged his father to the sofa, lying him down. He placed the coat over the old man.

“I—“ Beth’s voice croaked, “I-I didn’t mean to—“

“Don’t,” Johnny held his hand up to stop Beth. She tensed and floated down to the floor, sitting with her head in her hands. Johnny looked down at his father, took a breath and let out a sigh, before finally turning to face Beth.

“How long have you been like this?” he asked. Beth’s eyes glance away in thought.

“I… I don’t know for sure,” Beth murmured. “Time didn’t flow right where I was.”

“Where was that?”

“I don’t… I don’t know. I’ve only ever seen a place like it in dreams.”

“Look, we’ll figure that out once Pops wakes up again,” Johnny huffed, crossing to the kitchen table and sitting. Beth stared up at him as Indiana whimpered, crawling under Johnny’s hand for a pet. His hand brushed through the dog’s fur soothingly. “You don’t have to sit on the floor. Don’t punish yourself. Things are shit anyway.” Beth slowly stood up and sat next to Johnny.

She looked at the papers on the table and slid them closer to Johnny to see.

“I… I saw this,” she whispered. Johnny glanced down at the custody papers. Some were papers on the court case. “What is… what is all this?” Johnny looked over at the kitchen.

“Do you want some hot chocolate?” he asked. “I know Pops’s thing is to offer tea, but that’s not my kind of style. Little too cold for a milkshake.”

“Sure,” Beth whispered. “But… can I, um… eat or drink anything?”

“We’ll only find out if we try,” Johnny shrugged, standing up. His dog followed him as he made the hot chocolate and brought it over to the table. Beth waited patiently the whole time. He slid one mug to Beth, an icy blue colored one. His was one from a trip as a kid to Universal Studios. Johnny set the can of whipped cream on the table. He sprayed only a small spritz of it on his, not more like usual. Beth held her hand up and shook her head when he offered.

“There was something we never told you when it was getting close to your birthday,” Johnny began, setting the can back into the fridge and sitting with Beth. His fingers wrapped around his warm mug. “The presents Pops and I got you weren’t the only things we had planned. We had something else, too. It was his idea, after he met your mom and realized how… well, shit your home life was. He suspected it, but after meeting her, he knew he had to fight for custody of you. He was ready to. Trying to get a lawyer and everything, filling out papers… that was gonna be a late present. We would have told you as soon as we found out for ourselves. We woulda had you live with us. Pops would have raised you.”

“You… you were going to go through all of that for me?” Beth stared up at Johnny with wide eyes. “I don’t… I don’t understand—“

“But then you died.” Johnny’s words stabbed themselves firmly into the conversation. “You left us.” Beth fell silent. Her fingers fidgeted around her mug. “Look, I’m happy you’re back, but that doesn’t undo—never mind.” Johnny shook his head. His deep glare to the table discouraged Beth from asking him to continue, to tell her the truth of his feelings.

The way he saw it, she didn’t need to know. She’s been through enough. All three of them have.

“We were fucked up,” Johnny pushed himself to continue, “but Pops remembered your mom. He wanted to go after her for what she did to you, even if you were gone. So we did. We went to court. She was arrested for child abuse.” Beth choked on the hot chocolate.

“Y-you threw my mother into jail?!” Beth gasped. Johnny nodded and took another sip.

“Yeah, we did,” he grumbled, “because she abused you.”

“But she was my mother!!” Beth stood from her seat. There was a weird vibration in the air. Johnny didn’t feel his electricity coming off him though.

“Beth, listen to me,” Johnny began, slow and restrained, “you just became a ghost. You have a lot of energy and power, and panicking isn’t gonna do you any good. Okay? You have to calm down.”

“You—you threw my mother in jail, how am I supposed to be calm about that?!” Beth’s hair began to float. The lights were flickering and she was twitching and phasing. “Sh-she was my mother! The only family I had!!”

“No, Beth, we were your family!!” Johnny slammed his hands against the table. His hair was standing on end and he could hear the crackle of his electricity crawl up his spine. “That’s why we did this! That’s why we were going to adopt you!! That’s why we were fucking upset you died, when your mom didn’t care!!” Things started floating off the table and spinning around in the air. Johnny felt like he was being gripped by something.

“You didn’t know her!!”

“I don’t have to!!”

“Both of you, stop it!!”

The two turned to see Ghost, awake again. “Bethany, put Johnny down, now!”

Johnny glanced down and realized Beth had made him start floating, too. All the objects dropped with loud clangs and thuds, Johnny plopping back into his seat. Beth looked down at her hands in shock and confusion.

“I… d-did I do that?” she whispered. Ghost nodded. He limped over to the table, wedging a seat between the two.

“Bethany, listen to me,” Ghost took hold of Beth’s hands, setting them on the table, “you aren’t human anymore. You probably never will be again. You are now a being of pure energy, of pure, unconfined power. You can do things no one else can now. Ghosts can lose control of these powers, of this energy from their emotional state. Believe me, I know.”

“How?” Beth croaked. Ghost tensed but let out a slow sigh.

“I was a ghost once, too,” he murmured. “That was how my nickname came to be. I died many, many years ago. My… my wife brought me back to life. She helped me. I’ve been alive since then, and trying to live as normal a life as possible. But… I suppose once you enter this life, you never truly leave it.”

“Back to the point, Pops,” Johnny grumbled, glaring away. Ghost gave his son a look, but shook his head and turned back to Beth.

“So I’m more a freak than I was before,” Beth’s voice tightened. Ghost squeezed Beth’s hand.

“No, you’re not,” he hushed the teenager. “You have new powers now. You must learn to control them and yourself. But I promise to help you. Alright? We’ll both be here for you.” Beth nodded slowly, biting her lip and swallowing back tears.

“What… what about my mom?” Beth whispered. “Why… why would you throw my only family in jail?”

“Bethany,” Ghost sighed, taking Beth’s hands and squeezing them, “she wasn’t family. She didn’t love or care for you. I’m sorry, but… that’s the truth. We wanted to adopt you, too.”

“She wasn’t your birth family anyway,” Johnny grumbled.

“Johnny,” Ghost grumbled. The young man glared away, arms crossed and leaning back in his chair.

“What?” Beth stared wide-eyed at Johnny, then to Ghost. “What is he—did you know?”

“Only… today, did we find out,” Ghost hesitated. “We had our lawyer, who had papers all about you. And he found that you were born to someone else. The papers didn’t list who your parents were. Your birth mom requested to remain unknown and have no contact information. All that’s known about her, is what they had to write down for medical purposes. We just… know she was sixteen.”

“I… I don’t believe this…” Beth whispered. Ghost looked gently at Beth, slowly wrapping an arm around her. She flinched at it, slowly pushing his arms down. “I… I-I need space. Please.”

“Sure,” Ghost murmured, “whatever you need. Go rest in your room. We could all use some rest. We’ll start… sorting all this out tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Beth whispered. Ghost and Johnny watched her quietly go. Hearing the bedroom door shut, Ghost looked up at Johnny.

“Why did you bring it up?” the father shook his head. “Johnny, she’s in a fragile state—“

“Oh, what, and we’re not?!” Johnny snapped. “I don’t think you get it, Pops, but my sister fucking killed herself, and after having left me, she’s back as a goddamn ghost!”

“Johnny, keep your voice down—“

“Just leave me alone.” Johnny growled as he turned away from his father. Ghost frowned and helped himself up with his cane.

“Jonathan, come back here,” he began, “you’re being incredibly immature and selfish.”

“She left us!!” Johnny’s voice cracked, electricity running up his spine and flickering his hair to stand on end, “Don’t you care about that?! Don’t you feel hurt?!”

“Yes, Jonathan, I do, but—“

“And you’re asking me to not fucking care?!”

“No, I’m not!” Ghost argued, feeling the heat flare up in his body, “There are things you don’t understand when something like this happens! You don’t know what agony she felt to have done this! She killed herself, Jonathan, have some compassion!” Johnny was quiet, back facing his father. His electricity was making the air buzz around them. “I know you’re hurt. I am, too. But imagine what she’s feeling.”

“So I should just bury what I feel, forget about it.”

“No. That’s not what I said,” Ghost slowly approached his son, placing his hand on his shoulder, “I’m in pain, too. But right now, we have to help her. Don’t hide what you’re feeling; we can talk about it. All of it. But not now. It’s late. She could be listening. We’ll talk about this later. For now, keep it away from her. We’ll talk to her about everything later. Honesty is important, but she can’t handle all of this right now.”

“Alright,” Johnny grumbled. Ghost turned his son to look at him. The younger glared down at his feet. Ghost sighed and pulled his son into a hug. Johnny clung tighter to him than Ghost expected.

Time seemed to freeze for a long moment, and it felt like their hug went on for ages. But slowly they released each other and finally went to bed.

—

“Mr. Bosteau.”

Ghost turned around to see his former colleagues beside him. Adam Fontaine and Dr. Zachary Collins. They were dressed to perform on someone.

Something.

The two were waiting for him.

Ghost found himself walking slowly towards the operation table. The figure was covered in a white sheet. Judging by the table, the creature was strapped down with restraints.

Ghost glanced over his shoulder to see his superiors watching him and his colleagues.

They were all waiting on him.

Dr. Collins frowned at Ghost’s hesitance. He tugged the sheet off the creature.

Ghost gasped.

There, was Beth, strapped down and unconscious. Her skin kept changing and flickering between being alive and dead.

“An extraordinary creature!” Dr. Collins boasted to his colleagues and superiors, “A child on the boarder of being alive and dead, with miraculous powers, and it could very well be a fusion between a human and another sort of creature. Of course, we shall have Bosteau and Fontaine performing on the creature, under my guidance.” Ghost felt his heart get caught in his chest. “Bosteau. Begin the procedure.”

Ghost’s hands shook.

“Bosteau.”

Beth’s eyes slowly opened, her fingers twitching with minimal strength returning.

“Help me,” her voice whispered, seeming to echo all around him. It was slow, then became faster, louder, repeating more and more, swelling in his mind and all around him.

“I can’t—“ Ghost turned to Dr. Collins, who’s glare pierced his heart. His superiors staring seemed to cut through his own body with their eyes. Adam was gone. Beth kept whispering for help.

“I can’t!!” Ghost shouted above the crying, over the pounding of his heart as Dr. Collins moved closer and closer, his glare turning darker and more threatening. “I can’t do this, I can’t—I can’t hurt her, I-I can’t—I can’t help you!!”

Shutting his eyes at his last shout, everything was gone.

Ghost sat up in his bed, staring at the wall across from him. His hair was tangled and messy, sweat making his bangs cling to his forehead. He rubbed his auburn eyes, breathing deeply to try and relax. His fingers fidgeted against his sheets, before he finally laid back in bed and tried to fall asleep.

He stared at a photo on his side table of him and Johnny after he fully recovered from his top surgery. His son. He loved him so much.

He managed to protect him. Help him.

Why couldn’t he for Beth?

—

“Wake up.”

Beth gasped, sitting up from what she thought was the floor.

Nothing was below her.

Nothing was around her.

Empty dark space was around her. Only another figure was before her.

“What—what’s happening,” Beth whispered, shaking, “wh-why am I here again? Y-you said we were done!”

“I wanted to talk to you one more time,” the person shrugged. “I never gave you my name.” Beth blinked, brushing back a lock of her hair.

“Am… am I dreaming?”

“You were,” the man shrugged, “but I brought you back here. Just for a minute.” Beth stared at the empty space around them. “You seem so shocked. You traveled here in dreams before, remember?” Beth’s eyes slowly grew in realization.

“That’s why this all felt familiar,” she whispered. “This… this limbo, or whatever, I-I came here in my dreams. On accident. How? I-is this a real place?”

“It’s an empty, hm, let’s say, between space,” the figure shrugged, circling Beth. “Between the UpSide and UpSideDown. But enough of that. There was one more thing, about our little conversation before I let you back home I forgot to address.”

“Which… was?” Beth drew her gaze back to the figure. He grinned.

“Two things,” and he held out a pale hand, “Merhib Collins. That’s my name. And the other…”

As Beth shook his hand, he tightened his grip, and something odd came through his smile. Beth tensed and felt her fingers squirm.

“Don’t tell anyone about our conversations,” Merhib chuckled. “The last one, or this. My assistance to you is private.”

“Wh-why do I need help from a demon?” Beth squeaked. Merhib only laughed.

“If I have to remind you again, that’s partially reason enough,” he said. “A naïve girl like you? No control over her powers, her very being, in a place like the UpSideDown? You’re lucky I found you floating in limbo and could send you back home.”

“Right,” Beth whispered, nodding slowly. Merhib patted her shoulder.

“You’re not in a formal deal, so don’t get it confused,” Merhib wagged a finger. “This is a kindness, just for you.”

“I… thought all demons were bad,” Beth scratched her arm anxiously. Merhib shook his head.

“Not all, and some not as bad as others,” Merhib explained. “Now, I better send you back to bed. You do need rest. Feel free to visit whenever you like. I look forward to seeing you again.”

“Wait, how?” Beth began, but the void-like place began to fade, as did Merhib. The shadows around her chipped like wallpaper, tearing away and flying into a wind that even affected Beth. She shut her eyes as her bangs blew about.

When the blowing subsided, Beth opened her eyes to find herself back in the middle of her room.

Just the same as how Merhib brought her to the Bosteau house after talking to her.

How he knew where to take her was odd, as did how he knew everything about her.

She assumed it was a demon thing.

Beth looked down at her hands, fixated on the glowing, dead body she now had. The power she could release from herself.

She moved away to her window, staring at her reflection with the dark woods outside, moonlight shining faintly on trees and life behind the glass. Beth wanted desperately to think this was all a dream. That she wasn’t traveling in herself, even when she was alive. That she wasn’t magic, that she wasn’t dead, that her whole life hadn’t been a lie.

This wasn’t a dream.

This was her reality. No, no, it wasn’t just hers alone anymore, either. Not once she appeared in the Bosteau house.

This was their reality from now on.

[kairoskrp]

                                      — On the wicked wings of time, thy kingdom comes

Meet [ Rhee Yoona ]

She is a [ twenty-two] year old [ bartender at the red light club ] currently residing in [ sunhwa apartments, #105]. Visit  and greet  her today!

Personality:

Yoona isn’t so much of a loner, but she does value time to herself. She likes hearing people talk about themselves so long that they don’t enjoy it too much. She enjoys- no, revels in adventure and the feeling of adrenaline in her veins. Not that she’s inherently bitchy, but she does have a short temper. It’s best not to cross her. Yoona would most definitely plot some kind of premeditated revenge. It’s subjective whether you think whether negative out weights the positive, but she does have some redeeming factors. She’s incredibly loyal, and certainly willing to do whatever it takes to help someone who may have helped her. Witty, and sharp, she usually finds a way to make people laugh or at the very least keep them on their toes.

Spirit: Hecate

Power: Mediumship

Strengths: she can hear, see, and interact with ghosts. Weaknesses: it isn't consistent, and can make her feel as if she's going crazy.

Biography: 

-the past;

Yoona Rhee and her mother lived a very simple life. Her parents had gotten divorced early on - she didn’t have any memories of them actually being together even. Her mom worked as a seamstress. It didn’t being a lot of money in, but she loved it and she worked hard too. Yoona’s father was a lawyer, owning his own law firm. He made a considerable amount more than her mother. As a child it didn’t make a lot of sense as to why he always threw such a fit to help her and mother with money though. He had more than enough to go around. Soon after her father remarried and started another family she realized that even though there was plenty to go around - he had other people he’d rather be sharing it with. The only time she had even dipped her toes in anything luxurious was on holidays. She’d spend a couple uncomfortable hours with her half brothers and sister, then be on her way with some new fancy clothes.

Yoona and her father’s family as a whole felt more and more disconnected as she got older. It was almost like slipping away from a crappy friend that never really ever cared about how your day was. It wasn’t a sad growing apart. It seemed almost expected.

By the time she was ready to graduate she hadn’t talked to her father in ages. Any time they did speak she’d listen to the generic excuses about how busy he was and he had practically no free time at all. Yoona knew that this was a way to try and defend their disconnect, but if she were totally truthful she didn’t care. She had happily settled with taking up a part-time job and helping her mom pay bills while she waited for the last few days of her final year in high school.

At least, that was the plan. Half way through the school year her mother fell very, very ill. She had always had a hard time keeping healthy and well, but she had never gotten this sick before. Doctors claimed to know what to do, but Yoona didn’t see any progress.

Yoona talked to her mother’s doctor and begged for other means of treatment because what she was seeing wasn’t working. The doctor didn’t care though- at least he didn’t seem to. Yoona’s mother’s condition got worse and worse until Yoona sat quietly in the hospital with her mother as she passed. This was also the day she was left with no choice but to move into her father’s home.

Yoona hadn’t handled grief well. She mostly shut down and just let things happen around her. She had a few friends in school were there for her, but she didn’t want the talk about how you feel kind of friends at the moment. She was more drawn to the friend that didn’t talk about it but showed support in other ways. He was a little reckless and got into trouble, but maybe that was the kind kind of therapy she needed? She got into some trouble; got caught drinking, smoking, sneaking a boy into her room, etc., but her dad just turned the other way. His logic being that she was grieving.

A week after her mother’s passing Yoona had felt something inexplicable. While sitting alone in her room, she felt a hand on her back, then, a caress to her cheek, and a soft-spoken I love you. It was so faint she wasn’t sure she actually heard it at first. The words, that she wasn’t even completely sure she heard were not only as soft as silk, but also heavy enough to crush her.

It was an actual final good bye.

-the reason;

One day when walking home from school with her terrible influence of a friend, Yoona had stopped dead in her tracks as she watched the doctor who she had tried to reason with for weeks exit and his house and step into his car and leave. It didn’t take much much prodding from her friend before Yoona found herself climbing in the back window. She looked around for a few moments and observed. He clearly lived alone and had no family. That must be why he couldn’t find any sympathy from her. All it took was accidentally dropping a glass. She listened to the loud static noise of shattering by her feet, and it felt good. She tipped another, letting it also shatter before she looked at the ground around her to see nothing but millions of tiny reflective shards threatening to hurt someone. After that she didn’t remember much. All she knew was that there wasn’t much left that could be considered unbroken in that house after. Of course she ended up getting arrested. And honestly she couldn’t even say that she shouldn’t have been, or that it was unjust. Thankfully her friend was able to run fast enough to get out of there. Sure he was a bad influence, but that didn’t mean that he knew how crazy she’d be once in there.

Her father finally stepped in, deeming that her rebellious actions were out of hand. He couldn’t have her running around defacing the family name after all. Having some connections, he was able to come up with a compromise. Go to law school and work for his lawfirm so he could keep an eye out for her, or find some way of paying him back for all of the court fees etc and never speak to him again.

Maybe that was the kind of fresh start she needed though?

It wasn’t a hard decision. Yoona had worked incredibly hard with her mother just to survive her whole life. Her father was nothing more than a background character; why should she suddenly turn it all around and work for him in the wake of tragedy? No, she was better off on her own.

After a little bit of expected trouble she figured it all out though. She was able to finish high school, get an apartment, and move on from the hardship that she faced.

Now on her own she’s gotten an apartment as well as nice steady job. Bar tending had a strange calling for her. It allowed her to hear people with minimal talking.

[inactivedaddymemeyard]

Crazy

Kevaaron set to Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

Ao3: here

The first time Aaron thought Kevin was a raging storm he wanted to get lost in was on the Foxhole court of all places. Aaron didn’t pretend he hated Exy like his twin. Aaron was competitive and feisty and he’d be damned if Kevin Day was going to make him feel like a slacker. He was self-aware enough to know that he wasn’t as good as Matt, but he was better than Nicky. Being better than his cousin, who only played so he could stay with the twins and go to college, was not an accomplishment. It wasn’t good enough for Aaron and it sure as fuck wasn’t good enough for Kevin “Exy is life” Day.

That day had been specifically bad. Kevin was having a bad day, and that meant longer practice and ruder comments. Everyone ducked their heads and took the anger and frustration Kevin spit at them with every mistake made. They understood. Aaron did too, but enough was enough and Aaron wasn’t having a good day either. He’d woken up to the smell of pancakes and thought he was back in his room in California. He’d bounced out of bed excited to see his mom alert and happy for once before he remembered she was dead. Before he remembered she’d been gone from him long before she’d actually died.

Kevin had been specifically hard on Aaron and Neil, probably because he knew they understood the pain behind his anger. Aaron hated that he’d shared a knowing look with Neil more than he hated Kevin yelling at him. Anger was something Aaron understood. He could speak fluently in misdirected anger. He’d lived and breathed it for years, still breathed it sometimes. Aaron was learning to process his anger and frustration instead of pushing it down until he exploded. It was a slow uphill battle, but his family deserved better than Aaron had given them.

After practice Kevin had demanded that Neil and Andrew continue to practice on the home side, when Aaron made to exit the court Kevin had yelled that Aaron wasn’t allowed to leave until he’d successfully blocked Kevin. Aaron knew what he was capable of and he also knew that Kevin wasn’t going to hold back once everyone had exited the court. Kevin knew Aaron wasn’t good enough to block him when he went all out. Kevin just wanted someone who wouldn’t break under his anger and Aaron wasn’t one to back down from a challenge or from Kevin’s rage.

Kevin charged him a total of tweleve times before Aaron had had enough of failing. The thirteenth time Kevin charged him, Aaron dropped down and swiped Kevin’s legs out from underneath him. As Aaron’s leg swung out his hand shot up and he pushed with all his strength. Kevin hit the ground with a resounding thump.

The only reaction from the other side of the court was from Neil, who reminded Aaron that his defense tactic wasn’t legal before resuming his and Andrew’s practice.

Kevin had to be at least winded and Aaron’s stomach twisted as he regretted the amount of strength he’d put into the shove. He hadn’t expected the giant to drop so easily. Just as Aaron was beginning to worry he’d actually injured his friend Kevin ripped off his helmet and let out a loud, happy laugh. He sat up and flashed a bright, brilliant smile that reverberated through Aaron’s entire being.

“That’ll do I guess.” Was all Kevin said before another soft laugh escaped him.

Aaron had never seen anything so mesmerizing.

I remember when

I remember, I remember when I lost my mind

There was something so pleasant about that place

Even your emotions have an echo in so much space

Nicky was on the phone while leaning against his locker. Aaron wished he could tune out the German that rushed out of his cousin’s mouth. Even when he actively stopped his brain from translating he still subconsciously translated some words. His distaste for his cousin’s relationship used to be rooted in something dark and self-loathing. He had been working with Dr. Dobson this past year on his homophobia and his distaste for public displays of affection on top of the anger management they were already doing. He saw her almost as much as Andrew now. He was reluctant to go at first, but as with most hard to swallow truths Neil had laid everything out in a blunt and slightly rude manner. He no longer thought those hateful thoughts about his cousin and brother’s sexuality, but he still had a strong distaste for the inappropriate jokes and come-ons his cousin couldn’t seem to help himself from saying.

Aaron caught the word “suck” and decided that he could finish putting on his practice gear on the empty court. The court was not empty unfortunately. Neil, Andrew, and Kevin were standing in the middle of the court talking. Aaron did not approach them, he stood there undetected and watched the easy way Neil and Kevin talked to each other. The care-free way Kevin smiled at Andrew when he spoke. The warmth in Kevin’s green green eyes. Aaron watched and he yearned. Aaron had never felt that way. He constantly had to mentally assess his words before he spoke them, had to emotionally and physically keep his distance. Sometimes he felt like a rock in the middle of a river. His family flowed so easily together, their edges merging together to form beautiful, warm water while he was stuck with jagged edges and a hard inside just observing.

Aaron’s stomach fluttered when Kevin finally saw him leaning against the wall and smiled at him. Aaron wasn’t naïve enough to think Kevin’s fondness could last. He knew better. Everyone left. Aaron hurt everyone around him. He could never experience the quiet contentment that showed on Kevin’s face. He could never have Andrew and Neil’s love. He was too cold, too hateful. He didn’t deserve companionship and contentment. But Aaron couldn’t stop his feet from carrying him to his family when Kevin called out to him.

And when you're out there, without care

Yeah I was out of touch

But it wasn't because I didn't know enough

I just knew too much

Aaron was self-aware enough to recognize the feeling in his gut every time he saw Kevin. It was attraction. Aaron had a crush on Kevin fucking Day. His hands were shaking as he dialed Dr. Dobson’s office.

“Aaron? Do you need me?” Betsy’s warm voice floated out of his phone calming him a bit.

“Do you have an open spot today, doc?” Aaron asked, his voice only catching once.

Aaron closed his eyes and chewed on his nails while he listened to her flip through her day planner.

“Aaron, honey are you still there?” Dr. Dobson only used endearments when she knew he needed to hear them.

That’d been an uncomfortable revelation. He hadn’t realized he actually liked endearments until Dan had called him “hun” while congratulating him. He’d explained the warm feeling that had filled his chest to the best of his fumbling, awkward ability to Dr. Dobson and she’d asked him if he was okay with her using them. He hasn’t regretted consenting once since that day.

“Aaron? Sweet pea I can squeeze you in in an hour. Can you wait till then?” Her voice was more calming than he thought it ever could be.

He managed to croak out an affirmative sound before hanging up.

Aaron was startled by his alarm going off. He’d somehow lost an entire hour. The last thing he remembered was hanging up on Dr. Dobson and setting his alarm to go off in an hour so he wouldn’t forget. He was losing his mind.

He’d faced the horror of Drake. He’d faced the fear of imprisonment and the horrors of his brother’s past. He’d faced the guilt of a murderer even when he had no regrets. He’d faced the regrets of years of abusive words and sentiments he could never take back. He’s faced so much that shook him, and yet it’s the battle of his sexuality that has him losing his mind.

He forcibly shook the thoughts and memories away before leaving the dorm.

Dr. Dobson’s office was a slight relief. Aaron found himself comforted by the obsessive organization. He felt calmer inside as his eyes roamed the room taking in the extremely cleaned and organized space. Betsy was smiling warmly at him, used to his need to absorb the calm clean feeling of her room before he filled it with his chaotic emotions. The angry fire within him filling every inch until he was suffocating.

He wasn’t angry today though. He couldn’t describe this feeling. He said as much to her.

“Let’s start from the beginning. When did this feeling start?” Her questions were always accompanied by a gentle smile.

Aaron opened his mouth to tell her about Kevin’s laugh that curled around Aaron’s being and soothed his anger, his fear, his hatred, his unfathomable fire that was always raging. And yet what left his mouth was something more honest and accurate than he’d been ready to admit to her or himself.

“The first time it happened was at Eden’s. Kevin was drunk and smiling like an idiot. We’d just beaten Riko. Neil had yet to tell him what happened after the game. It was the last night for weeks that Kevin smiled.” He zoned out after that, remembering the weeks and weeks of Kevin’s grief for his abuser, and subsequent self-loathing for grieving a monster.

He blinked and the memories faded away, “Uh, anyways. Nicky was bragging about how hot he looked that night and how well he was dancing, and I mumbled “Okay, Narcissus” under my breath. Kevin spit his drink all over Nicky because he was laughing so hard. I hadn’t even realized that was why he was laughing until he placed his hand on my arm and smiled at me.”

The memory came easily to him. It was one of the best nights of his life. Kevin’s shoulders never drooped, his eyes never looked down. He was finally happy and confident and it was a goddamn beautiful sight.

Dr. Dobson’s voice startled him out of the memory, “That was over a year ago. What brought you here, honey?”

He felt the small smile that bloomed on his lips at her warm tone and her endearment. He stopped hiding when he was pleased months ago. Especially to the doc.

“I know what it is. You do too. It used to only happen when he smiled at me or laughed with joy. I can’t get it to go away anymore.  It was an infatuation. I couldn’t stop noticing how pleasing he is to look at. Here lately I day dream about wiping away his tears, about having his arms around me, about his laugh and how it smooths something broken inside me. That is not infatuation. That’s not even a crush. I think I’m in love with Kevin.” The words tumbled out of him in a flash flood.

Bee didn’t react, like the good therapist she was. She just watched him, the eye of his emotional storm. At some point he’d pulled his legs up and began to rock back and forth. He pulled the collar of his shirt over his nose to hide his quivering chin.

“Are you struggling with being in love with Kevin as you said or is this m ore about the question of your sexuality?” Betsy asked once he’d settled somewhat.

“I have always been able to appreciate the beauty in the people around me. Male or female. I have felt the urge to kiss guys before, but I was usually drunk at the time and horny.” Discussing being sexually frustrated was uncomfortable to Aaron who still struggled with talking about any form of physical affection, but he pushed on regardless, “I’ve only had an honest to god crush one other time. Why Kevin this time? Why a man? I feel like I’m losing my mind.”

Betsy smiled at him and said, “Let’s talk about the fluidity of sexuality, specifically the fluidity in bisexuality."

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Does that make me crazy?

Possibly

[fxyeahriverdale-blog]

What Happened To Us

Ch. 13: Spring Fling

A/N: I edited this myself, so please be nice haha. Sorry for any mistakes!

Read this story on AO3

Betty twirled her fork around in her pasta getting lost in the swirling motion of her uneaten meal.

”Earth to Elizabeth Cooper.”

“Huh.” Betty returns from her daze.

“Are you okay with the set list for the dance?” Veronica asks.

“Ya.”

“Did you even look at it?”

“Ya I saw your email this morning, it’s good.”

“Girl you haven’t even touched your lunch. You are so dazed what’s on your mind?”

“I’m not dazed, I’m listening.”

“Bullshit! I’ve seen better acting in Twilight.” Kevin calls her out.

“I’m just busy with the Blue and Gold and planning the last dance of the year.” That was partially true. Betty was trying very hard to find the motivation to finish editing articles for the paper. Everytime she sat down at her computer she would fight the urge to throw her computer out the window or get interrupted by someone about planning the dance. Betty may need to take the year off from the dance committee next year. The last thing she wants to do is go to the dance on Friday night, but it is her turn to do the dance shift. Someone from the dance committee has to be at every dance to make sure that the football players don't spike the punch.

“Maybe it’s time you break out the birthday present I got you.” Veronica teases. Archie chokes on his soda as he remembers what the present is. Betty cracks a smile at her best friend’s discomfort.

“Well there goes my appetite.” Archie pushes his lunch to the side.

“Where’s Jughead the vacuum cleaner when you need him?” The table falls silent. Earlier in the school year the five of them would always sit at their usual lunch table, complaining about classes, gossiping (well the girls and Kevin gossiping), listening to Archie’s music, and never letting leftover food go to waste courtesy of Jughead.

Cheryl began sitting with them permanently after Jughead transferred schools.

“Is he speaking to you yet?” Veronica asks. Betty sighs not wanting to talk about it.

"Nope." Betty says sadly. She did kick him out of her room. She let her emotions get the better of him and she overreacted. It also didn't help that she was on her period when he came over which only made her way more emotional than we should be."How about you?" Betty wouldn't be surprised if he was talking to Archie yet. Jughead always let's Archie off of the hook before her. Betty hates that she feels a bit of resentment towards Archie about that.

“A little bit, but not much. He’s still pissed at me. I am going to try today after school. He and I need to settle this.”

“Good luck.” Betty says.

She told him the ball was in his court and he has not made a move. It took her a few days, but she’s realized she needs to begin the grieving mode for her relationship. She is starting to get really annoyed that he hasn’t yet broken up with her like she asked him to. At first she had hope that they could resume their relationship. She knew that things would not go back to the way it was right away, but they could be together. Now Betty is completely insecure. It has been days and she has heard nothing. She just has to accept the fact that it's over.

“Why is the vibe so depressing over here?” Cheryl sits down next to Betty with her lunch tray.

“It’s not depressing. We were just talking about the dance.” Betty flashes her fakest smile at an attempt to bring up the mood. She doesn't want this gloomy mood hanging over their lunch table. She would rather think or talk about anything besides Jughead. She really desperately wants to stop thinking about him.

"Hey Cooper what's this I hear that you don't have a date to the dance? Did you finally get rid of beanie boy?" Reggie appears. This is exactly what she doesn't need right now.

"Thanks for the offer Reggie, but I am still in a relationship." The entire table stares at her curiously. Betty knows they are all dying to know the status of her relationship. She can't answer them because she doesn't even know the answer herself.

"Your loss. If you change your mind you know where to find me." Reggie saunters off and Betty turns her attention back to her pasta purposely avoiding eye contact with the rest of the group.

Veronica scoots over to Betty.“Want to go dress shopping after school?”

“Ya sounds good.”

_______________________________________________________________________

“Jughead, what brings you in today?”

“Sheriff Keller,” Jughead says in his most unenthusiastic voice as possible.”I am here to see my dad.”

“Follow me.”

Jughead follows Sheriff Keller back to the familiar cell block.

“FP you have a visitor.” FP lifts his head from his bed. He sits up as soon as he sees that it’s Jughead.

Jughead waits until Sheriff Keller is gone to say anything. Jughead stuffs his hands into the pockets of his flannel. After everything he has read, he is willing to give his father a second chance. He confessed to murder to protect him and stopped drinking. He was even attempting to get their family back together. This was the dad Jughead knew growing up. The man that he never gave up on.

“Hey dad.”

“Jughead.” Jughead looks down at the ground awkwardly unsure of what to say next.”How are you doing son?”

“I’m fine.”

"Good. How'd the trial go?"

"It's not done yet. The trial got postponed because there was a fight outside of the court house. I testified a few days after that."

"How does that son of a bitch even have a case?" FP answers angrily tightening his hands around the metal bars on his cell.

"At least I got to see mom and JB because of that son of a bitch."

"How are you holding up with that?"

"Mom took off with Jelly Bean as soon as she stormed in without saying goodbye. Mom visited me at the hospital too. I don't know why, she just gave me a lecture about my life decisions. Life decisions that I can't even remember!"

"She visited you in the hospital?" FP looks amused that somebody managed to get Gladys to come to Riverdale. More than once too."I'm guessing her visits have something to do with a very charming and persuasive blonde teenage girl? At least that's what your sister had to say."

"Ya Betty went to Toledo and somehow convinced them to come to the trial. She also called mom and convinced her to visit me in the hospital."

“The Betty Cooper Charm. How is Betty? I haven’t seen her in a couple of weeks.”

“Did you know that she was my girlfriend?” Jughead watches his father's eyes carefully. “Ya I did.”

“God did literally everyone in this town know, but me?”

“Jughead you better be treating that girl right.”

“Do you think you of all people should be giving relationship advice dad?” A small smile escapes Jughead’s lips and FP returns the smile.

“No, but when you have a girl that special in your life, you hold onto her. I have made that mistake. Do not follow in my footsteps Jughead."

“Things are complicated.”

“You’re just like your old man in the sense that you like to push people away. You're nothing like me otherwise. You have a bright future ahead of you kid.” Jughead is shocked to hear such encouraging words from his father.

“Right I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Jughead that girl has gone to hell and back fighting for you over the past year. Give her some credit.”

“I know, I do. I have to keep reminding myself that she’s not mom.” Jughead can't believe that he is saying this out loud. Maybe it's because when his dad is sober, he is one of his favorite people to talk to. There is no alcohol behind bars.

“Betty Cooper doesn’t give up easily son. She is nothing like your mom and you are not me. I know it's a bit late for me to turn my life around, but it's not too late for you. You are worth so much more than the Southside than this town. Your writing is good son, you can go to college. Get out of this town. Stop punishing yourself the mistakes that your mother and I have made. We will be all right. You deserve better than this life Jug." FP says sadly. Jughead nods really taking in his dad's words.

"FP your lawyer is here," Sheriff Keller appears interrupting the father son bonding.

"We can talk again another time?" FP asks hopefully.

"Ya I'll come back next week." A wide smile appears on FP's face.

"I'll see you then. Say hi to Betty for me!"

_______________________________________________________________________ "What about this one?" Veronica holds up a dark purple to her body.

"Ya looks good."

"You have had the same unenthusiastic voice for every single that I have picked up for us. What is going on?"

"I just really want this dance to be over with."

"This dance is going to be different than the other ones." Betty has not had a good track record with dances this year. There are three dances every school year semi formal, homecoming, handspring fling. She worked up the courage to admit her feeling to Archie at Semi Formal and he rejected her. Homecoming was a shit show from start to finish. The ambush that was dinner had set the tone for the rest of the night. FP's arrest had overshadowed anything good that had happened that night. Now there is Spring Fling tomorrow night. Kevin is bringing a new boy that he met in Greendale last week, Veronica and Archie are obviously going together, and Cheryl is bringing Robby Miller. Betty is the only one in the group without a date.

"B I know you don't have a date but we could always go as a threesome again?"

"That worked out so well before." Betty laughs and Veronica smirks at her. "Thank you Veronica, but I'll manage on my own."

"Reggie did offer to be your date today." Betty shoots Veronica a less than amused glance."Reggie isn't that bad."

"He objectifies women like 24/7. I would spend the entire night listening to him make misogynistic comments about every girl that walks by."

"You know who hates Reggie Mantle?" An evil grin appears on Veronica's face. Betty knows exactly what trouble Veronica has up her sleeve.

"No I refuse to play any games. Jughead has been through enough, I am not going to attend the dance with a boy who has bullied him his entire life just to try and get his attention." Betty looks around horrified as she realizes that she has raised her voice. She releases her fingernails from her palms controlling her anger.

Betty rushes out of the store embarrassed into the crowded mall. She bites back tears as she runs straight for the food court.

She sits down at a table staring down at her bloody palms. Betty grabs some napkins from the table and wipes off her palms. She thought this new medication would stop her anxiety, but she is still worried all of the time. Granted she has just started this new medication, but she just dug her nails into her palm again.

"Fuck Betty why do you have to be so damn athletic?" Veronica arrives at the table out of breath."I need to sit down." Veronica sits across from Betty panting.

"I am sorry for running off."

"No you have nothing to be sorry for. I am sorry Betty I didn't mean to get you worked up."

"Jughead came over to my house."

"When?"

"Several days ago."

"What happened?"

"He had questions and I answered them. It was going fine at first, but then it got really heated. Didn't help that I was on my period and started crying like an idiot."

"Boys never know what to do around crying girls. And girls never do well with their emotions during their time of the month aka me the day Jughead got attacked." A clear picture of Veronica screaming at Archie in his room make it's way into Betty's brain. She now knows to never mess with Veronica during her time of the month.

"I told him that he can make whatever decision he wants about being with me, but he has to break up with me."

"What happened?" Veronica is on the edge of her seat.

"He didn't give me an answer. He still hasn't. I have just been sitting around waiting for him to end it."

"He wouldn't dare."

"It's definitely over Veronica. I know it is." Betty wipes her eye quickly hoping that Veronica won't notice the tears.

"Oh Betty." Veronica quickly moves into the chair next to her and wraps her arms around her best friend.

"I am so sick of crying. I am done feeling this way. I am just done. He just needs to finish this all ready. This is torture." It feels good to admit her insecurities out loud. She is so desperately in love with him. She has no idea what he's thinking. He has been making her wait to hear whether he wants to be with her or not and it's horrible. There are small moments where she feels hope, that by some miracle Jughead will appear and tell her that they're gonna make it work. She knows better. She is not ready to move on, but she will at least be able to try if he just lets her go.

Veronica pulls her phone out of her designer purse. She pulls up something on her phone. She turns her phone around to show Betty. It is a picture taken during her birthday celebration at her house. Betty is standing with Jughead with their ams around each other in front of her decorated entry way. Betty is looking up at him with an obvious loving grin on her face. Jughead is looking down at her with the same look. Betty's heart is doing backflips just looking at the photo.

"This is far from a platonic photo. You two will find your way back to each other I know it." Even when Betty gives up, she knows that Veronica Lodge never will.

"Maybe."

"How about we get a soft pretzel covered in lots of salt and butter." Betty's face lights up. She can hear her mother disapproving in the back of her head.

"That may be the best idea you've ever had. Besides I need some fuel if we're going to pick out the perfect dresses for the dance."

"That's my girl."

Veronica links their arms as they cheerfully head for the pretzel stand in the food court. _______________________________________________________________________ There is a knock at the garage door. Jughead sighs not really wanting company at the moment. He stares back at his laptop at the picture of him and Betty in the Cooper's entry way. She is wearing a silver dress with her down. Jughead can tell that he has a genuine happy smile on his face with arms slung around the waist of the beautiful blonde. Her green eyes reflect the same shine that are in his bright blue eyes. They look so happy.

The door opens anyways."Jughead?" He doesn't respond as Archie walks into the room. "We need to squash this." Jughead puts his laptop aside ready to listen to what he has to say."You understand why I didn't say anything?"

"I guess."

"What happened between you and Betty this year is none of my business. Yes you two were in a relationship, but it just didn't feel like my place to tell you."

"I get it."

"Really?"

"Ya. You were caught in the middle. Betty wanted our relationship to be a secret. As her friend you and Veronica, and Kevin didn't want to say anything. Instead everyone teased me as if I had a one sided crush on her."

"We were just trying to give you a push in the right direction. Jughead you are my best friend, my brother. I am sorry about lying to you. I am sorry about this entire year. Is there anyway we can move on?" Archie and his family have continuously fought for him. They have sheltered him and now adopted him. Jughead feels a pang of guilt in his stomach as he realizes how much Betty has done for him as well. Why is forgiving Archie so much easier?

"Ya we're good." Archie holds out his hand and Jughead shakes it.

"Any updates on Betty?" Archie asks awkwardly.

"Ya I know what I need to do." Jughead answers vaguely. Archie nods understanding that Jughead does not want to talk about it any further.

"Are you down for a game of COD?"

"Ya let's go play."

_______________________________________________________________________

Jughead walks into the living room where Veronica and Archie are making out on the couch. Do they realize he even lives there?

Jughead clears his throat to make his presence known. The two lovebirds pulls away from each other.

"Don't be jealous Jughead this could be you right now with a certain someone next door if you weren't such an idiot."

"Veronica!" Archie warns her.

"You know Reggie asked her to the dance."

"That's cool." Jughead knew that he was more than obvious with his answer.

"Green is not your color Jones." He is not surprised that Reggie asked her. Betty is a beautiful girl. He sees the way other guys look at her."Ugh why are men so stupid?"

"That is quite a generalization."

"She wouldn't do it because of you. She doesn't want to make you jealous or upset. Betty is by far the prettiest girl in this town. She is literally a walking Barbie doll and you have her in the palm of your hands, yet you are still sitting here sulking."

"My relationship is my business."

"My best friend is my business. You are torturing her. Grow some balls and tell her what you want." Veronica storms off upstairs. Archie shrugs and follows her. _______________________________________________________________________ "Do you think this looks okay?" Betty flattens out her dark blue gown. She looks at herself in the mirror nervously. She adjusts her hair so that the curls in her hair are resting on her shoulder.

"I love this dress on you. You look beautiful B." Betty smiles at her appearance. She feels like a princess. Veronica had come over a few hours early so that the two girls could do each other's makeup for the dance.

"Thanks V. You are a smoke show as always." Veronica sits at Betty's vanity wearing a dark purple gown with a high slit.

"I have to keep up with my beautiful best friend somehow." Betty smiles as she rolls her eyes at the compliment.

"Are you sure this isn't too tight?" Betty is used to wearing flowy gowns. This gown is tighter than anything she has worn before. Veronica insists that it hugs her curves in all of the right places. Betty even borrowed one of Polly's darker lipsticks for the night. Maybe the change is good.

"Not tight enough."

"What time is it?" Veronica picks up her phone.

"6:00."

"I need to get going. I have to do a final walk through before everyone arrives."

"Ugh are we not getting any pictures tonight B?"

"We can take as many as you want at school. Have fun getting ready."

"You owe me a photo shoot and save me a dance."

"You got it." ____________________________________________________ "Thanks for showing up early Betty. The last minute changes look great." Ethel joins Betty at the snack table.

"Thanks Ethel. Oh look who just got here." Ethel turns around to see Dilton Doiley walking inside of the gym. She turns back to Betty with a bright red face."You should ask him to dance."

"Oh no it's okay."

"Don't freak out, but he's coming right over."

"What?"

"Hey Ethel, hey Betty."

"Hi Dilton." Betty watches Ethel's nervous face and Dilton's shaking hands. She smiles as she realizes the potential of a possible romance.

"Ethel was just saying how nice your tie looks."

"I was?" Ethel looks at Betty curiously. Betty maintains the smile on her face. Ethel and Betty both notice Dilton blush.

"Yes and I agree it looks nice." Betty says politely.

"Thank you ladies you both look beautiful. I was just coming over here to see if you would like to dance Ethel?" Ethel looks up at Dilton stunned. Betty puts her hands together in excitement as she watches the two.

"Me?" Ethel asks stunned.

"I don't know any other Ethel's." Dilton holds out his hand and Ethel takes it happily. The two lovebirds walk away. Still surprised Ethel turns around to Betty. Betty gives her an enthusiastic thumbs up.

Betty can't it, she is a hopeless romantic. The dance is called Spring Fling and every year a lot of flings and relationships begin at this dance. Maybe it will work out with Kevin and his new guy tonight. He deserves it.

Betty walks away from the dance floor as she slowly sways on the side of the gym. She watches as people happily dance.

"Elizabeth." A very hyper Kevin Keller sneaks up on her picking her up. Betty squeals in surprise.

"Kevin you scared me!" Kevin puts Betty down and she smells the vodka immediately."Are you guys all late because you were pre drinking?"

"Maybe." Kevin pulls a flask out of his suit.

"Kevin you bad boy."

"Maybe my date will punish me later." Betty's eyes widen in amusement at Kevin's comment. He holds the flask out to her.

"No thanks. I am going to stay away from alcohol tonight."

"More for me." Kevin takes another pull of his flask.

"Where's your date?" Betty asks curiously.

"Good question I ran straight to you."

Betty looks around for any sign of their other friends.

"Betty." Veronica runs up and hugs her. Archie trailing behind her.

"Are you all drunk?"

"We're just a little bit tipsy." Veronica giggles.

"Hey Betty you look very nice."

"Thank you Archie, so do you."

"Pictures now!" Veronica instructs.

Betty and Veronica pose for several pictures as Archie takes them.

"Did you think you could take pictures without me." Cheryl appears wearing a stunning gown in her signature red color.

"I thought this picture was missing a little red." The girls pose for more pictures.

"Are they good Archiekins?" Archie shrugs. Veronica rolls her eyes and turns to Betty. A huge smile forms on her face.

"What?" Betty asks a bit concerned about how long she is looking at her with that smile on her face.

"I can't tell you. Archie made me swear."

"Well now you have to tell me."

"Ronnie," Archie interrupts,"Come dance with me." Betty smiles at Veronica.

"Go dance with your man V." Veronica allows herself to be whisked off by Archie onto the dance floor.

"Oh Betty this is my date Ben."

"Hi Ben it's so nice to meet you." Ben holds out his hand and Betty takes it happily."Take care of my boy tonight." Betty puts her arm around Kevin. Kevin hugs her.

"This is my best friend Betty Cooper. She has legs that rival Blake Lively’s."

"Yes you told me six times on the car ride over here." The group all laugh at Kevin's clear intoxication.

"Oh my god!" Kevin says dramatically.

"What?" Betty follows his eyes. All of a sudden Betty can't breathe. Her dress feels like it's suffocating her body. She freezes as she looks at the entrance to the gym.

Jughead Jones is standing there in a suit, no beanie scanning the room. His hands are in his pockets."What is he doing here?" Betty turns to see that Kevin and Ben are now gone, she is standing by herself.

Betty begins to march over to the entrance of the gym, but she is quickly cut of by a tall jock."Wow Betty Cooper that is quite the dress."

"Thank you Reggie." Betty tries to stand up on her tip toes to peak at Jughead over Reggie's shoulders. He is still in the same spot looking around the room. She can barely see him. Ugh why does Reggie have to be so tall? Even on her tip toes in high heels she can barely see over him.

"I saw your ass in that dress and I couldn't resist coming over. You're saving me a dance right?" Oh Reggie always a gentleman. Reggie is not moving out of her way quite yet. Betty holds her crossed fingers up in the air. She notice out of the corner of her eye Josie McCoy standing by herself. Betty cupid Cooper round two.

"You should go ask Josie. I heard she thinks you're cute."

"Of course she does." Reggie says smug.

"Reggie." Betty feels shockwaves go through her entire system as she hears his familiar voice.

"Jughead Jones. No beanie tonight?"

"Not tonight sorry to disappoint Reggie."

"I was just telling Betty how good her ass looks in that dress." Betty looks over at Jughead nervously. Jughead has spent his life getting bullied and taunted by guys like Reggie. Jughead avoids him at all costs. She can't believe that he is standing here right now with her and Reggie.

"And I was just telling Reggie to go ask Josie to dance."

"I think that's a great idea."

"One day you'll give in Betty Cooper." Never in a million years.

"Bye Reggie." Betty gives him a sassy wave.

Betty's heart is pounding like crazy as she turns to face Jughead. He has a curl hanging in front of his face that she is so tempted touch.

"Do you want to dance?" Jughead breaks the silence. Betty nods.

They silently walk to the dance floor. Betty notices Archie and Veronica staring at them intently. That's why Veronica was just being so weird. Veronica winks at her and Betty can see Archie smiling them giving his approval.

The music slows down as soon as they get there. Betty smiles shyly putting her hands on Jughead's shoulders. Jughead puts his hands on her hips sending electricity through her body. Betty is not sure how close he is comfortable with them being.

She can't stop herself from thinking out loud.

"What are you thinking?"

"That you are the most beautiful girl in the world." Jughead looks away from her nervously blushing. Betty blushes and her eyes become glossy.

"You're not so bad looking yourself." Betty cannot resist the urge to run her fingers through his black hair. She pulls him in tighter. She no longer has any restraint. She puts her head onto his neck.

"Juggie before I get my hopes up, please let me know if this a good or bad visit?" Betty doesn't look up because she is too afraid. This is it.

"Betty." Damnit. Jughead and Betty release each other at their intruder. Principal Weatherbee is staring at them with judgmental eyes. "We need you to introduce the Pussycats."

"Okay." She takes one last glance at Jughead before running up to the stage.

Betty walks up onto the stage still feeling shaken up from the previous moment.

Jughead watches Betty walk away towards the stage. He exhales a huge breath that he didn't even know that he had been holding in. He is way more nervous than he thought he would be. She is so beautiful. He didn't know what he expected when he showed up at the dance.

The thought of Betty Cooper at the dance alone broke his heart. He wanted to be here for her. He always want to be there for her. It is time to get back properly.

Then he saw her talking with Reggie and his temporary confidence was gone. She threw her crossed fingers up and he mustered up a bit of confidence. At least enough to face Reggie. He knows that Betty is much better than Reggie Mantle. She wouldn't fall for that.

Jughead rushes off to the bathroom needing to cool down for a moment.

He needs to gather his thoughts and remember exactly what he wants to say to her. He was so ready to just blurt out a speech about how much he loves her. Then he saw how her blue dress hugs every curve on her body perfectly, her hair is down and clipped back revealing her face, and her lipstick is a bit darker than usual making her lips stick right out more than ever.

Her beauty is so intimidating, but he needs to man up.

"I hope everybody is having a good time! Let's keep the party going with Riverdale High's very own Josie and The Pussycats." The crowd cheers. President Weatherbee gives Betty a smile of approval as Betty walks off the stage.

"Thank you Betty."

Betty searches through the crowd for Jughead, but doesn't see him. Betty spots Veronica, Archie, Kevin, and his date Ben in the corner not so discretely drinking out of their flasks. Panic begins to spread across Betty's body. He's gone. He left.

Betty sprints out of the gym ready to go find him. He cannot just show up at the dance and then leave just like that.

She runs through the entrance of the high school outside. She looks around on the stairs helpless as she doesn't see any sign of the raven haired boy. This sick feeling of deja vu of when she helplessly watched Jughead run off after learning of his father's arrest.

Betty collapses onto the ground in defeat.

"Betty?" She snaps her head up quickly turning around to see Jughead standing behind up. She somehow regains her strength as she leaps up to her feet.

"What are you doing outside?"

"I couldn't find you. I thought- I thought that you left."

"I just went to the bathroom quickly. That was a stupid move, I am sorry Betty." Betty stares at him nervously, her entire body shaking.

"Are you here to tell me it's over?" Betty stares at him with fear in her eyes."I am a big girl, I can take it Jug. I can handle it, just please tell m-"

She is cut off by his lips pressing against hers. The kiss is gentle, but quickly turns rough. Lots of lost time is put into this kiss as Betty kisses him like it's the last time she'll ever taste him again.

Jughead pulls away and Betty wants to pull him in again. She looks at his swollen lips as he catches his breath.

"Can I speak now?" Betty nods speechless."It was never about that I didn't want you to be my girlfriend. I just couldn't believe it! I still can't believe that you're my girlfriend because I've been in love with you since the day that you defended my honor to Chuck Clayton in the cafeteria on the first day of Kindergarten. I have silently been in love with you for years and I just never had the courage to do anything about it. Betty you are the most beautiful person I know, inside and out. The things you have done for me, I don't know how I'll ever be able to thank you. I just had a hard time believing that I deserve somebody as amazing as you. Reading your diaries just felt like such an out of body experience. It felt like an alternate dream land, but I know it's real. I am an idiot if I let you get away without fighting for you. So I am here to say that I want to fight for you Betty, fight for us."

Betty cannot stop the tears from flowing out her eyes. The good kind of tears. She doesn't even consider making him squirm. She has waited so long for this moment. She wraps her arms around his neck.

"You don't know how amazing it is to hear you say this."

"I am sorry it took me so long." Betty shakes her head leaning in closer to Jughead.

"You came back to me that's all that matter." Betty closes the gap between them kissing him again. Betty smiles as he wraps his arms around her.

Jughead pulls away and looks down at her.

"I'll always come back to you. I love you Betty Cooper." Betty's heart flutters, her entire body is filled with warmth.

"I love you Jughead Jones."

"Do you want to go inside and dance for a bit? The least I can do is let you have one good dance this year." This is the best night ever.

Jughead puts his arm around Betty as he leads her inside.

"I still owe you a burger." Betty says excitedly.

"We can take care of that after the dance."

"It's a date."

"Reggie was right about one thing, your ass does look amazing in that dress. Along with the rest of your body of course." Betty blushes as she leans up to kiss him. She teases him by moving his hand quickly over her ass before they enter the gym.

A/N: Happy Days! Finally!

There is one more chapter left of this story. Thank you to everyone who has just started or reading and to those who have been following since the beginning. I really appreciate the feedback :)

[ilikelookingatthings]

Akatsuki no Yona 196: comment from youtube I wrote and liked

I don't personally think Il taking yon-hi to the temple to get the blessing by the high priest was a back stab. while its true Il knew his brother wasn't a fan of the headpriests or going to the temple and that he was taking her before yoo-hon came back, It felt more like a attempt to share something he cared about. 

just not done in the right way. like how yu-hon wanted Il to come hang out with him and we know yu-hon cared about Il but it clearly came out as scolding and like yu-hon was looking down on Il like everyone else. Yu-hon was the crowned prince and would hypothetically HAVE to work in close contact with the priests once he became the king and Yon-hi was a commoner being married into the family. It makes sense that Il would try to bring yon-hi to the priests o get the blessing for the marriage because prince Il wanted yon-hi to be fully accepted without easy targets people could use against her as well as his big brother and try to use that as a babystep to get his brother to realize the priests aren't bad. of course we know that plan went up shits creek once yu-hon returned and the priests figured out her identity on site.

 Though it does have a strong parallel not because of the 'backstab' part but because of the misunderstanding part and terrible communication. Il and yu-hon were dealing with Il making assumptions about his brothers motive over a perceived betrayal(yu-hon hiding the identity or in this case killing kaashi) and yu-hon not given aot of time to properly explain but then lashing at Il in anger. 

 YOUR FACE XD I could tell immediately when you got to the stabbing panel! even before you started calling Il a piece if shit XD

 though I would say when has yu-hon stood up for Il? We know Yu-hon cares about his brother and felt anger at people already being depressed about Il being the king and expressed to yon-hi and soo-won that he wants to support his younger brother and rally the kingdom around Il.

 WE understandably know that because Kaashi heard this in private. But Yu-hon even when he first met Yon-hi let people talk shit about his brother andeven said he can;t blame them because he gets angry and irritated with his brother as well and says the same stuff. Yu-hon admited to that. He never told Il how important Il was to him strait up or what he admires in Il TO Il himself. 

Yon-hi was honest and said what she admired in Il but yu-hon never corrected the lady's opinions or said to anyone else why yon-hi made a impression on him. Yu-hon got angry at people for not cheering for his brother and he sad mundeok was the only one who cheered by it was never stated if Yu-Hon cheered himself. Yu-hon is well liked by everyone so if he cheered wouldn't the others have tried joining in or something?

 Il is still a piece of shit for stabbing his brother in the back of course but did Il really start this? Il was a jerk when he found out her identity and got the proper punch he deserved but yu-hon did hide her identity for what Il saw was no reason and Il had meant well when bringing yon-hi to the priests. its not like yu-hon doesn't believe in the religion.

 he just doesnt like bowing to the head priests. Yu-hon burned all the temples and priests alive women and children included just because the head priests visited yon-hi's family. admittedly I was sketched out and assuming the worsts of the priests but thy hadn't done anything that deserved all of them set on fire. and the more we got to know kaashi and ik-soo(yoon's priest) the more I'm convinced the head priest was actually a genuinely good person. 

 1.  Its confirmed from the last chapter that kaashi's powers are real. we know ik'soo's power was real and he can hear the voice of the gods and kaashi stated the priest also understood her powers. and they all recognized yon-hi' blood and yona's. Kaashi was kind to yon-hi from the get go when they first met. she also literally almost died by flame and watched important people to her and her job burned, yet she was the one who outed her identity to yon-hi after that years later. trusting yon-hi and not holding a grudge. letting yona and soo-won play. telling yon-hi about yona's identity and her powers and comforting yon-hi.

 telling yon-hi that she just needs ti be happy and live her life and thats enough meaning as in the end yon-hi and yona are just none powered humans and kaashi expressed she wanted to talk more for yonhi. also worried about her health. Kaashhi more than anyone would have the right to hold a grudge against yon-hi and her family for what yu-hon did but instead showed kindness to yon-hi that even Il noticed and really appreciated that yon-hi has been there for kaashi. 

 2. Ik-soo can hear the gods and was driven out as a young child with no one taking care of him where he was so kind and empathetic he gave away jewels and his shoes to strangers to help in anyway he could. and he was kind and helped raise yoon. helped the heros and was understanding toward yona and her group despite the fact her uncle drove him out as burned all the priests and yona's father couldn;t stop him. and king Il hadn;t been a very good king. 

 3. and the things we know the head prist did was visit yon-hi's family. listened to their stories of plight and their short lives and cried for them. grieved for their loved ones. and showed genuine joy that they existed and gave many in the family peace of mind and a fullfillment just from that exchange. making such a positive impact all of yon-hi's family grieved his terrible end and her mom felt so grief strickened she killed herself because they saw him as such a good man. 

Yu-hon burned people who hadn't even known yon-hi's secert and hadn't thought to ask yon-hi or her family what they wanted. and yu-hon didn't think at all how that would affect Il. and yu-hon was praised by the people because they'll judge everything he does as nessacary because they like him and his strength.  

Though Il is a piece of shit because if he is the king...why not send yu-hon to a court and judge him? why stab him and throw him off a cliff? does Il think yu-hon would get away with murdering kaashi like yu-hon got away with killing the priests? Il doesn't gain anything from killing Yu-hon. like yu-hon is the most popular. at least tolerate him for long enough til the country stablizes properly. like Il knows yu-hon has a wife and a kid and killing yu-hon is depriving them of someone they love. inflicting the same pain Il and yona feels from the loss of his wife onto yon-hi and soo-won. was it to protect his brothers reputation and yon-hi and soo-won?

 if yu-hon dies from a 'accident' they wont have to deal with the ramification of the husband/father killing the queen of kouka which is tatamount to treason.

Il's focused motivation is TERRIBLE. Yu-hon is right that Il shouldn't focus on praying to the gods or assuming they'll be safe as long as yona is around because she is the reincarnation of some longdead king and dragons. 

yu-hon is the supirour ruler in that regard because you have to do stuff and act. you can't just wait around praying and it sounds like crazy talk out of Il. Its definitly a reminder that yu-hon was the crown prince and raised the rule and has experience that Il doesn't have. Their father fousing on praying with Il rather than actually training Il and no one helpong il and just scolding himin the past rather than teach him.  especially since yu-hon might have let the wife go unharmed. 

 But on the other hand yu-hon lied about not knowing yon-hi was a priestess. he immediately going into a rant about how kaashi swindled Il and the grandpa with her lies and that she would be the downfall of the kingdom when Il guessed wrong about yu-hon's motivation. whichcame across as yu-hon correcting Il about the motivation behind killing kaashi rather actually denying that he killed her. Il doesn't have the best track record with guessing yu-hon's motivations so it might lean that yu-hon didn't kill kaashi and this was a misunderstanding. 

something I would have believed until yu-hon said that she tricked Il and the grandpa and she would ruin the country. Il reminding us that yu-hon does show no mercy to people he doesn't want to understand(hence the killing of all the priests and the beheading people in the first place). 

and yu-hon did act odd last chapter and talked about his growing hatred for hirryu and saying he'd protect them and with his personality known for looking for a fight. possible resentment that kaashi is connected to those gods who gave yon-hi the short end of the stick. that kaashi was around when yon-hi collapsed.

 yu-hon HAS motivation on multiple fronts. especially since yu-hon would want Il to figure stuff out himself and not with a priest/priestess. if yu-hon though kaashi was a bad influence on his brother which could affect the country I could see yu-hon killing her. or send others to kill her. that or his aim was yona. I WANT to say the Il is assuming wrong and yu-hon wouldn't do that but yu-hon is unpredictable in that regard once he sees someone as a threat to his country or his family. even Yon-hi who knows yu-hon the best focused on the possibility that yu-hon killed kaashi as legit unlike the others who focused on Il talking crazy talk and being bewitched by the priestess and killing his brother in the back rather than focusing that its a real possibility that Il wasn't mistaken about yu-hon being responsible for kaashi's death.

 the yu-hon group talking about the murder feel like the type to focus that even if yu-hon did kill kaashi that it was for the best because yu-hon said she bewitched or fed il and the grandpa falsehoods. Yon-hi seems to believe her husband killing kaashi was pretty possible. Its still heinous for Il to stab his brother in the back and push him off the cliff without what seems like airtight proof of yu-hon killing kaashi but its been a while since the wifes death that Il could have properly investigated  for all we know. 

Il might be a brat but no one would kill their brother unless he had real good evidence that proves what yu-hon did/was responsable for it. Though admittedly Il could have also been out of his right might because not only is he king when he wasnt prepared but his wife died. grief can make people act irrational and yu-hon insulting the dead kaashi by saying she's some con artist probably wasn;t helping yu-hon's case. there would definitly be a extra hint of tradgedy if it turned out yu-hon didn't kill kaashi and it was just bandits or just yu-hon supporters.

 heck I would almost believe they could be spys from other kingdoms. after all killing the queen(though my bet it was aimed for yona who I'm betting kaashi secretly snuck out of the carriage to protect her) would be a huge blow for prince Il who is legendary for not being like yu-hon and who seems to have less confidence in himself. especially after the death of the father and a surprise switch of the heir. that might connect into why soo-won was worried about the other countries seeing kouka kingdom as a good target. 

If it really was just a unfortunate accident this would be tradgic because Il doesn't have faith in his brother  wouldn't hurt him like this. It would play in how both Il and yu-hon are vry very stubborn on changing their minds on stuff. and just how bad yu-hon murdering all those priests had Il lose his faith in him. whats even extra sad is yu-hon was extra happy because Il actually invited him out for a horse ride himself. yon-hi and us know how much yu-hon actually wanted to bond with his brother. 

Yu-hon even wanted his brother to hold a weapon and be more manly. yu-hon got what he wanted in the worst nightmare of ways. 

 god....if only Il was smart enough to keep yu-hon alive. like even if yu-hon did kill kashi the smart thing would be to keep yu-hon alive for the kingdom to protect it and to have help til yu-hon rallys everyone together. Il must have known he wasnt experienced or ready and the smart move would be to have his brother stay alive and support him like how soo-won and yona tolerate eachother being around with the excuse its good for the country(even if personally they care about eachother still). 

but then grieving Il who was thinks his brother killed his wife and it makes sense that he might not be able to tolerate working by the side of his brother who killed his wife. Its like if when soo-won was hiding yona under his cloak by the coast when they et up after the pirate arc and if yona actualy went through with grabbing the sword and killling soo-won.

 it makes sense emotionally if she did that evenif it wouldn;t be smart for her or the kingdom. only yona couldn't bring herself to do it. Il on the other hand stabbed and threw him off the cliff.

 It lines up that Il is very firm in his beliefs that violence is bad, try for peace and out lawing slavery. but he isn't good at figuring out how to actually impliment or get stuff done. mind yo it probably didn;t help that none of the tribes were willing to give him a fair shot other than te windtribe from the very begining. its hard to get styff done when you don't have real support from people after all. and Il of course doesnt have yu-hon's experience and was so traumatized by the amount of people who died that he'd avoid it at all costs.

 Il means well but doesnt take how to impliment it properly. like how he hates weapons and violence which is understandable but he didn't understand the people who trained and wanted to fight to protect the country and that shaming weapons or over protective wasnt going to help his country prosper. just as his over protective nature left yona without many skills to help her once she had o go outside to the point she didn't even know the troubles the fire tribe had with food and terrain. and he killed his own brother. 

no wonder he needed yona to be so safe. if yu-hon had to die than yona has to live.

King Il did at least cry. but  damn... I kindof hope it was a murder plot by a different country to frame yu-hon or something. it does make king Il calling himself a cowardly king himself to take on so many more meanings O.O his dislike of weapons being even stronger as time passed. 

 il saying the royal family all had bad ended to yona. the interpretations where Il is just a stone cold jerk and doesn't like soo-won and stuff and is childish with yu-hon. but then if we remember that Il IS a naturally kind hearted, sensitive person who hates violence and will be kind even to commoners and admit his wrongs is real. this is the guy who made yona homemade soup himself when she got sick while he was dealing with work. who yona clearly saw was grieving kaashi. the man who decided to never marry again after kaashi died.

 he is someone mundeok believed in. yu-hon was happy that yon-hi saw the value Il had. and Il had to deal with being belittled by everyone and knowing no one wants him as king but he still carried himself with dignity. Il didn't brush aside that his brother killed many people in te kouka kingdom even though everyone else did and it would have been easy. and Il threw himself in fire to save even one person even though it was against his brothers choice. and Il had no reason to believe he'd get anything out of that. 

 I definitely don't want to say Il didn;t love kaashi. heck kaashi was the one to ask for the marriage because she wanted to have the red haired baby so even if it did start out with both Il and kaashi motivated to give birth to the reincarnation theres nothing inherently evil about that. though it would be a tradgedy if kaashi never realized that Il's care for her was genuine and not just about the baby. the dude never married again. but its definitely easy to want to judge Il from that he was bad all over and was in a loveless marriage cuz I'm angry at him.... but then it IS possible the marriage was more of a friendship than complete smitten love. considering that marriages being based on love is a fairly modern concept and before it was about companionship, politics or just making babies.

 I just wonder if Il felt guilt and responsible for what happened to the priests. after all it was his own BROTHER who killed them all and tried to kill kaashi. the head priest only found out about yon-hi because Il was excited to get yon-hi accepted and approved by the church(because the church is intertwined with royalty and it would help her to have one less thing for people to judge her on and it could have been used to get his brother to start fixing the relationship he has with the priests since they should have been working closely in the future).

 If il hadn't taken her than they wouldn't have found out her identity(or at least it might have taken longer because kaashi might have taken her) and then they wouldn't have visited her family which triggered the massacure. Il could very well blame himself especially if it was the first taste of how brutal and merciless his brother could be and that Il was spared from death and just told not to tell anyone yon-hi's secert. How would you feel being married to someone who your brother tried to kill? that she has to hide her identity. she has a giant burn. she mght get targeted if she gets found out by your brother and you knows she doesnt love you. like I'd almost wonder if Il married her as a way to take responsibility. 

kaashi clearly looks traumatized from the incident compared to her original cheerful self. yona we know has felt guilt and bad for the affects her her father being a weak king and felt some responsibility for what her uncle did. it would be interesting if Il felt the same way in regards to his brother. 

 I'm just curious about yu-hon's wish to take over the entire contient. conquer the other countries. lik regaining the strength to stay their own kingdom is good and regain lands they lost makes sense. to maybe get stronger to protect themselves from possible attack makes sense fr future soo-won. but finding out yu-hon might have wanted to take over everything hits odd since we've seen how to feels to be invaded by kulbo before.

 and  how the 2 princess sisters' country felt like with the threat of soo-won coming to battle them. It does have me wondering that if soo-won increases the borders of the country with the dragons be able to stay strong even when they are outside the normal borders? 

gots really interestin to see you react impressed with wise soo-won. most people i've seenreact to it get the heebie jeebies. on one hand soo-won is smart like his dad. on the other his dad is the type of man who set people on fire, and killed woman, children and cut off heads and alot of problems could have been avoided if yu-hon hadn't killed all the priests and thought of a non set people of fire solution. like if everyone agreed the priests over stepped there must have been other options. like askingyon-hi and her parents what they waned to do rather than deciding on his own. 

 yu-hon seems like a normal guy who is likable and who we can support and then you remember he killed people in cold blood before. sure he had reasons but yu-hon was unaffected and unapologetic. so soo-won being super smart is great but it feels unnatural for a child to seperate his emotions like that. though admittedly we know he does have vivid personal rage from his expression there. and we saw when he did actually murder king Il that soo-won talked about waiting years for that day and hisface was cold and unfeeling and soo-won was prepared to catch yona and kill her for real. so his rage feelings are vivid and real. even if he acts cool and collected. and he did assume his mom would want Il to die as well. not considering the answer might be different. and he has been trying to act strong for his mom even though he is only nine.

 though as impressing as soo-won is I am enraged because all those guys and men told Soo-won a NINE year old about his father being murdered and let soo-won dig up his fathers grave to check if the wound matched even though kyke-sook could have reported the wound and story before yu-hon was buried. like they didn't tel yon-hi. the adult and wife of yu-hon. they told a CHILD and got him involved on figuring out if the information was true.

 like its great soo-won can keephis head and impression them with his composure but why type of people are they for getting soo-won involved with checking his dads corpse. even if its smarter because soo-won would be less likly to get in trouble for desecrating the grave... whose bright idea was to let him get involved?! O.O soo-won is impressive but there is something unnatural about how easy it is for him to dismiss how yona will be affected if he kills Il. 

Yon-hi was trying o get soo-won to realizing killing Il wasnt the answer by bringing up yona as a motivation to not kill Il like how regular people would react but soo-won brushed it as two different matters entirely. and yon-hi didn't know gow to tell him she didn't want the cycle of violence to continue. we definitly know soo-won's hatred was real as he did choose the killing route rather than kidnapping him or getting him to stand down. and it seems none of the people realized marrying yona was a real option. 

 theres a fascinating parallel because yona has been judging soo-won as the king because he murdered her dad and she has deemed him a good king so she shouldn't interfere with him. in the end Il didn't pass as a good king, soo-won judged and killed him. to soo-won's credit he did wait to see how il would be as king unil he realized if il was allowed to carry on for any longer thy would be too vulnerable to be attacked. hedid give king Il a chance even if that chance was king of rigged because Il wasnt really supported and given advice by others who werent complaining about the polices. the firetribe was out of touch with the peoples struggles for a while for example. 

but even yon-hi knew il needed real help to be a good king. he no longer had yu-hon. kaashi was gone. people who would at least try for him. but on the other hand soo-won did still choose to kill Il on yona's 16th birthday. soo-won had found out yona has feelings for soo-won the day before the murder where he actually got flustered and affected enough to admit he probably couldn't sleep by her side lik he did before after her confession.

 he gave her a beautiful hair pin. complimenting her hair. smiling sweetly at her. and being told about the trust hak has in him as well. and soo-won still killed the dad on her birthday. infront of her. and then was prepared to following kyke-sook's advice to kill yona. compartmentalizing can be okay since thats how he's coping....but theres something scary about it. that yon-hi getting freaked out how dispassionate soo-won was to the fact if soo-won kills il one day it will be yona who will be in pain even though she is a close friend. something that would at least slow people down to hesitate.

 I wonder if soo-won focused on being in business mode and handling the situation instead of letting himself feel. Did you realize that soo-won saying Il and yona are separate matters is a echo of a similar quote from someone else saying the same thing? I wonder about soo-won promises. he tells his mom that he'll replace yu-hon. but soo-won told yona before that he would be a replacement for kaashi/her mother. 

 I've realized that soo-won has a serenity that Il has. Il has a bubbly surface that can be hard to read like the earthtribe noticed when soo-won visited that time. soo-won was able to show those fangs under his own bubbly gentle exterior and have them noticed and respected. I wonder if people just hadn't noticed Il's fangs. soo-won is using his to bring out others strengths in the kingdom to prepare for war. 

I wonder if Il had fangs with his firmness against war and weapons and stuff and people just hadn;t noticed because Il doesn't break his bubbly self often and its not what they see as being better for them. like soo-won's able to win them over by appearing to the want to fight and goods to sell. love your reaction XD It gives so many more layers to interpret the first volume and the stuff il has said when you have this new context. 

[passengerskrp-blog]

S T A T U S:  P A S S E N G E R  D I S C H A R G E D

                                     RHEE YOONA // TWENTY-ONE                                                      ATTENDANT

                                      LOADING PASSENGER INFO C0284...  

-the past;

Yoona Rhee and her mother lived a very simple life. Her parents had gotten divorced early on - she didn’t have any memories of them actually being together even. Her mom worked as a seamstress. It didn’t being a lot of money in, but she loved it and she worked hard too. Yoona’s father was a lawyer, owning his own law firm. He made a considerable amount more than her mother. As a child it didn’t make a lot of sense as to why he always threw such a fit to help her and mother with money though. He had more than enough to go around. Soon after her father remarried and started another family she realized that even though there was plenty to go around - he had other people he’d rather be sharing it with. The only time she had even dipped her toes in anything luxurious was on holidays. She’d spend a couple uncomfortable hours with her half brothers and sister, then be on her way with some new fancy clothes.

Yoona and her father’s family as a whole felt more and more disconnected as she got older. It was almost like slipping away from a crappy friend that never really ever cared about how your day was. It wasn’t a sad growing apart. It seemed almost expected.

By the time she was ready to graduate she hadn’t talked to her father in ages. Any time they did speak she’d listen to the generic excuses about how busy he was and he had practically no free time at all. Yoona knew that this was a way to try and defend their disconnect, but if she were totally truthful she didn’t care. She had happily settled with taking up a part-time job and helping her mom pay bills while she waited for the last few days of her final year in high school.

At least, that was the plan. Half way through the school year her mother fell very, very ill. She had always had a hard time keeping healthy and well, but she had never gotten _this _sick before. Doctors claimed to know what to do, but Yoona didn’t see any progress.

Yoona talked to her mother’s doctor and begged for other means of treatment because what she was seeing wasn’t working. The doctor didn’t care though- at least he didn’t seem to. Yoona’s mother’s condition got worse and worse until Yoona sat quietly in the hospital with her mother as she passed. This was also the day she was left with no choice but to move into her father’s home.

Yoona hadn’t handled grief well. She mostly shut down and just let things happen around her. She had a few friends in school were there for her, but she didn’t want the talk about how you feel kind of friends at the moment. She was more drawn to the friend that didn’t talk about it but showed support in other ways. He was a little reckless and got into trouble, but maybe that was the kind kind of therapy she needed? She got into some trouble; got caught drinking, smoking, sneaking a boy into her room, etc., but her dad just turned the other way. His logic being that she was grieving.

-the reason;

One day when walking home from school with terrible influence of a friend, Yoona had stopped dead in her tracks as she watched the doctor who she had tried to reason with for weeks exit and his house and step into his car and leave. It didn’t take much much prodding from her friend before Yoona found herself climbing in the back window. She looked around for a few moments and observed. He clearly lived alone and had no family. That must be why he couldn’t find any sympathy from her. All it took was accidentally dropping a glass. She listened to the loud static shatter by her feet, and it felt good. She tipped another, letting it also shatter before she looked at the ground around her to see nothing but millions of tiny reflective shards of glass. After that she didn’t remember much. All she knew was that there wasn’t much left that could be considered unbroken in that house after. Of course she ended up getting arrested. And honestly she couldn’t even say that she shouldn’t have been, or that it was unjust. Thankfully her friend was able to run fast enough to get out of there. Sure he was a bad influence, but that didn’t mean that he knew how crazy she’d be once in there.

Her father finally stepped in, deeming that her rebellious actions were out of hand. He couldn’t have her running around defacing the family name after all. Having some connections, he was able to come up with a compromise. She could either figure out a way to pay for all of the court fees, damages, her bail - or - she could take the opportunity to be a attendant on AVN 063. Of course, this meant giving up her friends, the few family members she still talked to, and the earth as a whole for possible forever.

Maybe that was the kind of fresh start she needed though?

Honestly with the options she was given, she was really left with no choice. There was no feasible way for her to come up with with all of that money. So AVN 063 it is.

-personality;

Yoona isn’t so much of a loner, but she does value time to herself. She likes hearing people talk about themselves so long that they don’t enjoy it too much. She enjoys- no, revels in adventure and the feeling of adrenaline in her veins. Not that she’s inherently bitchy, but she does have a short temper. It’s best not to cross her. Yoona would most definitely plot revenge.