#let vel punch cassian

[chipthekeeper]

my very brave take is that vel should have gotten to punch cassian at the end of season one

[distressednoise]

WIP ask meme

I got tagged in this by sweet summer child @notasapleasure, who has not yet realised that rather than ever "finishing" "fic" I just endlessly rearrange outlines in gdocs and resent myself.

Most of the things I laughingly call WIPs are about a hockey pairing that peaked ten years ago, because I am current and cool and fun, BUT let's say these the two (brassian in the balerics, 197 cabin fic) are real and will be written haha

I am bad at tagging but if you have read any of this please consider yourself tagged! I am ALWAYS down to have a sneak peek of a WIP and do some cheerleading, and also to explain the fics I will not write at great length, so feel free to comment, ask, etc etc etc

Veo Veo (aka the Brassian Magaluf AU, because Cassian is a terrible tourist in every timeline)

So this is a scene from after we meet Cinta and Vel, who are having a far more functional holiday romance than Cassian could ever conscience, and I will probably ditch this version of it for one with different geography and fewer references to masturbating over the queen.

Rich people don’t have any fucking manners, Brasso thinks, as the noises from the bedroom pick up. Or any fucking fears. Vel and Cinta are in there having sex, in front of each and every one of Pegla’s nan’s crocheted donkeys, even the French one whose eyes follow you round the room.

“Are they having sex?” Cassian asks. “They’re having sex.” He’s skinning up, compressing the last of Vel’s weed into one of his tight, neat little joints. 

“Bit rude.”

Cassian shrugs, lights, inhales, exhales on a laugh when one of the girls swears. “At least they’re paying the tax,” he points out, taking another hit and then handing the joint over to Brasso. Cassian’s fingers are blunt and thick and bitten-nailed and have no business producing the kind of neurotically compacted, weirdly uniform joints he always rolls. They look too small for his hands. They look lost in Brasso’s, who finds himself holding the joint with slow, exaggerated carefulness and thinking maybe he’s smoked enough already.  But then there’s a high, thin noise from the other room, and perhaps he hasn’t.

He inhales and lets himself slide down to the floor, eyes closed, and tries to astral project into a universe where he regularly said things like no Cassian and that’s not my problem Cassian, rather than this one, where he has to say - 

“If you’re wanking when I open my eyes I will punch you.”

“No you won’t.”

“It’s grim, Cass.”

“They started it! If we’re all having sex - ”

“We're clearly not.”

“And whose fault is that?”

"The one who said we should talk to the lesbians, probably." Brasso doesn't let himself think about Cassian's reaction to that bit of news, the way he'd leant heavily back into their booth, somehow managed to find his way under Brasso's arm. It didn't mean anything. “You can’t rub one out behind the door like some kind of grubby -”

“I’m not anywhere near the door.” Cassian kicks at his ankle, hooks a leg over Brasso’s. He’s made it to the floor too, then. “I can’t even see it.” Shuffling, clinking. Not the sounds of a man not preparing help himself out. “All I’ve got is you and the queen.”

“As long as you come on the right one,” Brasso mutters. Things next door have really hit their stride, if the knocking is anything to go by. “This is grim.”

“Queen’s loving it.” Brasso cracks open one eye to reassure himself that the china plate with the queen’s face on it remains a safe distance away and instead sees Cassian, hand on his dick and eyes firmly on. Well. The only other person there.

the amount of work is the same (aka the endless Brent Seabrook/Jonathan Toews/Jonathan Toews' collection of chronic illnesses fic)

This would probably be the opening, if I ever actually finished anything!

The summer he was 21, Jonny spent most of his time feeling sickly and tired, drooping miserably along his friends’ lakeside properties and fidgeting his way around the decks of their newly tricked-out fishing boats, too wired to sit still and too tired to sleep, until Seabs had eventually snapped and railed him into unconsciousness during an otherwise disappointing fishing trip on Lake Comox. 

The thing with Seabs had turned out to be a bright spot in a confusingly miserable year; one during which he was handed everything he’d ever wanted and while somehow feeling the worst he’d ever felt.

It was shocking, really, how little things had changed. 

He owned the boat now, he supposed. They were on a different lake. But Seabs was still an excellent fuck and Jonny’s body was still a traitorous sack of shit, and -

He felt the sharp red sting of the slap before he even registered that Seabs had moved. 

“I’m not doing this on my own, Jonny,” Seabs said, squeezing almost painfully at Jonny’s dick. “Get your fucking head in the game.” 

So Jonny blinked his eyes open, focused on Seabs’ face, inches from his and so intent he looked furious, and let Seabs hook two fingers into his mouth and jerk his chin down so he could see between them to where Seabs’ hand was wrapped around both their cocks. 

“Wander off again and you’ll regret it,” Seabs told him, and Jonny, stuck between the promise of feeling anything and the horror of letting yet another person down, bit down on Seabs’ fingers and came. 

That still worked, at least.

[r1-jw-lover]

“Who Broke It?” - Andor Edition

Summary: Luthen gathers the Aldhani heist team around to find who broke his caf-maker.

A thousand thanks to @softboikassa for helping me out on this little crack fic. 

LUTHEN: So, who broke it? I'm not mad. I just want to know.

*silence*

CINTA: I did. I broke --

VEL: No, no, you didn't. Taramyn?

TARAMYN: Don't look at me. Look at Gorn.

GORN: What? I didn't break it.

TARAMYN: Huh, that's weird. How'd you even know it was broken?

GORN: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

TARAMYN: Suspicious.

GORN: No, it's not.

SKEEN: If it matters -- probably not. But Nemik was the last one to use it.

NEMIK: Liar! I don't even drink that crap.

SKEEN: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the campfire earlier?

NEMIK: I use the fire to boil the milk. Everyone knows that, Skeen.

CINTA: Okay, okay. Let's not fight. I broke it. Let me pay for it, Vel.

VEL: No. Who broke it?

SKEEN: Vel, Clem's been awfully quiet.

CASSIAN: Really?!

SKEEN: Uh, yeah, really.

CASSIAN: Oh my god!

*indistinct arguing ensues*

VEL: I broke it. It burned my hand so I punched it.

CINTA: I predict ten minutes from now, they'll be at each other's throats with war paint on their faces and a dray head on a stick.

*look back at the chaos unfolding behind them*

LUTHEN: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

Also available on AO3.

[chipthekeeper]

Andor S1 Rewatch Commentary - Episode 5

favorite episode :))) this is mostly me whining and saying I miss people

by the way, this contains some very light spoilers for season two but nothing that's not in the trailer

Biggsy, are you ready? It's the best episode time. It's time. I'm so excited. Am I crying? Am I? I really hope that I can just enjoy this and not be annoyed about the news that came out yesterday. But I suspect that will happen. At the end, hopefully, just at the end

Biggs. This is huge, buddy. Let's see if I can actually figure out how to articulate why this is my favorite. I'm not really sure if that's gonna happen

Vel, I miss her :(((

I'm quoting everything in the previously on

This is the first time I get to watch something while having seen the season two trailer, which feels really weird. One day I'm gonna have watched that whole season too, and it's….gonna be over oh Jesus. Spiraling already

*groaning nostalgically* the theme music in this one!!! I feel ways about it. I feel very…soft

Starting with Syril's six seconds of sunlight. Are you gonna cry?

*chuckling* I'm never quite prepared for Kathryn Hunter's voice

Cereal time. “I promise to disappoint you.”.....Yeah uh, no ring on Eedy's finger in this. So that popping up in the season two trailer, quite a shock, and I….don't want to think about it

*mocking voice* oh you remembered how to mock me

I love how their table is just, it's a booth. That's really cool, I think more homes need to have booths for eating at

*giggles* You can hear the drays

Peaceful Aldhani morning……And look, Skeen titties

Saddest part about having seen the season two trailer is seeing all these guys now that aren't going to be in it because they're dead

How’s Skeen not cold? It's gotta be cold. Just yesterday you could see your breaths while you were standing around the fire. And now you're out here shirtless….whore

I love this conversation just being two fucking feral cats circling each other…..and lying

“She's already sharing a blanket if that's what you're wonderin’” And there we go. There's my whole life in one sentence. Like, I feel like my DNA rearranged when I heard that. Just fucking galaxy-altering line……Yep, I'm gonna c-cry already. “Wouldn't that be lovely?”

Fucking Perrin, god dammit…..Forever confused by this breakfast setup they've got. These little cups look like egg things, I don’t know what I’m saying

Can't wait to see what the fuck is up with Leida in season two. I'm scared for her….Leida's giant glass bowl has a straw

(here’s where I was just saying “schedule” like Mon says it because it’s funny to me but the transcription app I use says “Shitual”)

I really need to read that book. Is Leida in that book? She has to be, right? I know Perrin is. Perrin, who sucks

Dray milk breakfast, Biggs!!! Here we go. Hi Vel *gasps* Hi Cinta. She's doing laundry. The only person around here who does any fucking chores

“Memorable, isn't it?” That's me about the whole episode

Goddammit, I miss Nemik. I miss my whole crew so bad right now

This whole rant from Nemik, another part that just...gave me complete chills the first time watching

*whines when I see Vel*

I hate Cassian in this scene so much I hate him I want to punch him in the face. He's such an asshole

I miss Taramyn and his majestic mustache

Our first non-verbal communication between Taramyn and Vel. That's my favorite part of this episode. One of them anyway *gasps* There’s my boys, there’s the dray!! And Cinta gets to smile :))))

I love hearing about Roboda just bothering the guys to help her move furniture

Shedule again. That's what they should have called this episode. Shedule.

Skeen watching very, very closely in the background as Taramyn and Cassian go at it

Blevin!!! And Tigo. Oh captain, fuck!! I forgot that's what he was. I need to edit something……Let Tigo wear a ball gown! Season two, I need to see it. Is he even gonna be in it? He’s not deeaadd……no he’s not. Right…? No, he’s not

Mean lesbian glares! God I miss them

Taramyn says ‘wot’ too hehehe no wonder I love him

I just don't get why Cassian is the only one who would know this (you want your weapon on the outside). Why wouldn't Taramyn know this, he was literally….*sighs* whatever

Used to get so distracted at this point (TIE flyover) watching on Disney+ because the subtitles always said that Vel said something that Cinta actually said. And you could always tell that it was wrong, but they let it be wrong for way too long

Kimzi! Is he smoking? Or is he just dropping rocks off the side? What was he holding?! I need to know, it’s the little things

I need to write something where they just blow the fuck out of this dam and let the river flow again

Trailer shot. Just kidding, that was a couple minutes ago. I missed it. I mean, I saw it, but I was talking

More buried shit. Need to know about the buried shit. Oh boy, favorite scene…….Laugh at him! Laugh in his face!!

Is Vel standing on something there? She looks *snorts* taller. You dress yourself, bitch! This is my girlfriend……They really should have let Cinta talk more

Blevin has three attendants. Does he have an attendant for every…sector? He needs a few more. No, that doesn't make any sense. Bad math

Dedra, I love your gay little assistant……..His wiggles hehehe

The modellllllll….I still hope they made two and they kept one. It's too beautiful

“Stay focused, Clem.” I feel a lot about that moment. We don't need to get into it, but you can ask me if you want

Oh god, the drays are loose, oh g–oh. Just kidding, we did that on purpose—Poncho time!!!!

More cereal

Skeen's hat is the worst. Just kidding, it's Cassian's. “My turn. Lieutenant Gorn.”......There's music right here that's not on the soundtrack

*whines* “Everyone has their own rebellion.” My next tattoo, babyyyy. One day when I…get around to it….I love so much that it's Vel that says that line, it really means a lot to me

I love this Gorn scene, it’s so clever…..I love this guy. I refuse to believe he's dead, I don't care what they say. I can't wait to write my Everybody Lives AU for the Aldhani crew…..oh boy I'm just writing that in my head and not listeningggg

Gorn smile, Cinta’s boot. I just love knowing the next fucking shot. Before it even comes

Vel sit down, take a load off babe

How does he make this knife make that sound?....Time for some team destroying exercises!!

*perfect Skeen impression* “Sky kyber, look at it glow!!........Who brings a treasure to a robbery?” All I can do is just quote this whole—I'm sorry

“You can kill each other later” Oh Vel, not the foreshadowinggg!!

Lambda shuttle! Heh it's so small

*painful whining* My tummy hurts in this scene every time

“No. She didn't tell me.” *incomprehensible blaaagghhh noise, straight into coughing* Biggs. I can’t, I *stammering* I can't possibly say out loud with words how. I. feel. about. that.

I really want to see the version of Perrin and Mon that don’t hate each other. Is that in the book? I should read the book. But Perrin sucks, so maybe not. Maybe that doesn't exist

*delighted whining* Mmm, look at that!!! “Just like your model.” It looks so small from up there, waaaahhh

Obsessed much, Syril? That's a trailer shot too

Love a Star Wars watch. Chrono….And this shot of Vel makes me insane!!! Yayy!! Oh my god, it's almost overrrrr. I'm so mad. Biggs, aren't you mad? Aren't you upset that it's almost over already? No you just want me to let go of you so you can run around and be an asshole

*groaning for a whole minute* The music, the music!!!! My tummyache, Biggs. I love them so much……No farewells tonight, Biggs!!

*more whining and groaning* And there they go…*now I get loud and lift Biggs into the air, ranting at him* And see, got to sit around for a whole week—a whole week, Biggs. Wondering what they were going to do, by themselves. Away from the guys. Got to wonder that!! For a whole! week! Wonder!!!! I got to wonder!!! But I won't get a whole week to wonder about anything between episodes this next time. And that's why I'm mad. Right there. I had a whole week to be nervous for them after this scene. I just, I can't believe they're taking that from me. I can't fucking believe it, Biggs *enormous sigh as I let him down again*

And now this scene hurts. Because Kleya is concerned about him. And then we kind of see her lose her shit, presumably after he's gone. And that, that makes me feel things right here in my–in my chest…..”I wanted it too much” Yeah, that feels…relevant

A whole week, Biggs. I got a whole. Weeeeekkkk!!! Gaaaaahhhhh!!!! Although. I didn't spend the whole week thinking about it. Because during this week was when I wrote my first fic!!! Yayyy :) I mean, not my first overall, but the first for them. The first for them, Biggs. Aren't you proud of me? Aren't you? No? You want me to let go of you and leave you alone? *kiss his head* Too bad

But yeah, if you couldn't tell by this rant, I'm not particularly happy about how season 2 is going to go down…..But what can you fucking do?

What an episode, fuck!! I love it, okay, goodbye