#let them off for the Paris special cos ok

[macabremango]

Loved the lack of London in the Miraculous London Special. Go girl give us Nothing!!!

[ptergwen]

sensation

w/c: 4.6k

warnings: some swearing, suggestive tings, and a pretty bad ending

summary: it’s the last night of your world tour, and tom has the perfect way to celebrate

a/n: i know y’all have been waiting for this one! everyone really loved when worlds collide but i ran out of ideas for it lol sorry... anyways my solution was to turn it into a oneshot :D based off the au!! i’m honestly nervous about posting this cuz a lot of you asked for it and i don’t wanna disappoint but i tried my absolute hardest to make it special <3 please enjoy

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“thank you so much! we love you!” you shout to the audience, laughing breathlessly when they shout back. one of your dancers pulls you into a side hug, you throwing your arm around his neck. “we’re so fucking lucky you chose us, that you came all the way here. i’ve seen some of you back at night one. wow.” your voice gets wobbly, thinking about how loyal your fans are.

the tour started in new york, and they’ve followed you here to london.

tonight is an emotional night for everyone. you’re about to wrap your last show before you continue again in the summer. touring the u.k. has been a dream, and you’re just as thrilled to travel the rest of the world after your break. it’s bittersweet because you’re going to miss the hell out of your crew and the millions of lovely faces you’ve sang to each week. but, you do get to spend your time off with a special someone.

he’s watching you from the sound booth, sending fond smiles and loud cheers your way. thanks to you, tom has been at every show you’ve played in england. he brought harry along this time because he’s also a fan and wanted to see you. well, tom is more than a fan at this point. you’d say he’s more of a boyfriend. you haven’t discussed labels just yet.

your dates have mainly been over facetime, since you live on opposite sides of the world with insane schedules. a heartthrob actor and international popstar is quite the combination. you’ve only seen each other in person a couple of times, the first being pretty recently.

zendaya brought tom along to hang out with you in los angeles. he happened to be there recording some lines for a movie. she saw your concert earlier that night and invited him to crash the dinner plans you’d made, resulting in the best surprise and most fun you’ve ever had. the other time you enjoyed each other’s company was one weekend in paris. that was... something.

besides those two miracles, everything between you and tom happens through a screen. you’ll down bottles of champagne or keep warm under blankets while talking about your days. it’s nice, having someone on the other end who listens and actually hears you. tom gets it. you both do.

finishing your tour in london is convenient because not only will you have tom to comfort you, but you get to stick around for a while. he’s invited you to stay at his place. you can’t wait to meet the other holland’s, his friends, and obviously tessa.

“fuck, i’m gonna cry. i’m already crying,” you announce to the crowd, though they can tell from the tears streaming down your face. more dancers huddle around you and turn your single hug into a group one. you’re laughing and sobbing and holding on tight to everyone. fans bawl their own eyes out, the fact that this is it starting to settle in. the onstage crew even gets choked up, seeing you like this.

tom pouts from where he’s watching. he wishes he could run up there and squeeze you tight, but he’ll have to save that for when you’re done.

“i love you all so much, literally every single one of you in this room,” you tell everyone for the nth time tonight, swiping a perfectly manicured finger under your eyes. “my lighting crew, sound crew, my band, my fearless fucking dancers-“ a hiccup cuts you off. people burst into fits of giggles, which is a much needed tension breaker. you adjust your headset so the mic doesn’t pick up any other bodily noises.

grinning, you rest your arm on a shorter dancer’s shoulder, then go on. “sorry, sorry. i just wanna say, like, three more thank you’s before i get out of here.” there’s a chorus of no’s and encouraging whistles at the mention of you leaving. you blink back more tears to delay the breakdown you’re going to have. “thank you to my friends who always show up for me.”

with a knowing smile, you glance over at tom. “and, thank you to my more than a friend.” he smiles back, both hands held over his heart. harry elbows him in congratulations. more screaming erupts from the crowd as they realize where you’re looking and who you’re looking at. this will be sure to spark some headlines. whatever, you’re used to trending on every possible social media platform by now.

“this is the big one,” you preface, taking in a breath while everyone quiets down again. “thank you to you guys. for trusting me, for caring about what i have to say in any way. i feel your love. i really do, and i hope you feel mine.” your fans yell that they love you back, dancers gently swaying you side to side, emotions on high. there’s one last song, and it’s over.

“this has been the sensation tour, and i’ve been your host. was i good?” you try to lighten the mood, earning a bunch of what sound like positive shrieks. the earpiece you have in makes it hard to tell. “y’all were even better.” exchanging looks with your dancers, you pull out of the hug so you can get to your mark for the finale. they follow your lead. music comes through the speakers.

“i’ll see you again soon, okay? i promise. here’s sensation,” you introduce the song, immediately bursting into more tears. it’s torture to say goodbye. thankfully, you have the most incredible fans on earth, so they sing along with you at the top of their lungs. that includes tom and harry, your ultimate stans.

when the show is over, you run right off stage and over to tom. he’s waiting on the side with actual heart eyes for you. you practically leap into his arms, a hand cradling the back of his head, both his arms draped low and tight around your body.

“you were so amazing up there! absolutely smashed it, darling,” tom breathes out. his face is smushed between your neck and mostly bare chest. “thanks, tom. seriously, thanks for being here tonight and every other.” you smile a tired smile and wind your other arm around his neck. he presses some light you’re welcome kisses to your skin. “mm, thanks for having me. how’s it feel to be done?”

you sigh, fingers running through his curls. “like the biggest relief, and also really sad.” you’re such a mess that you could cry again on the spot. tom senses it and lifts his head up to see if you’re alright. “super depressing,” you surprisingly reiterate without the waterworks. “i know the feeling. you’ll be back soon, though. you said it,” he murmurs, a grin on his lips as they brush against the corner of yours.

you’re about to kiss him properly, then one of your dancers comes up to you. you’d forgotten that there are still stage managers and security everywhere, too. you get completely lost in tom whenever you’re together.

“you killed, babe,” coco greets you, linking your arm in hers. tom takes the hint and lets go of you. he watches on with a smirk. “nah, you murdered,” you send the compliment back and bite your lower lip. “i dunno, i feel like someone murdered me!” there’s coco with her dramatics. she’s genuinely hilarious, your shared sense of humor playing a huge part in your friendship.

she brings your free hand to her heart. you gasp at how fast it’s going. “that shit is really beating, coco. are you, like, okay?” “probably not. it was the freestyle that got me.” coco went a lot harder than usual tonight, since it was her last big dance break for a while. she puffs air from her cheeks and nods to tom. “this your man?”

“yeah, you could say that. i’m tom,” he answers, holding out a hand for her. “coco.” she pulls it like you would in a handshake. you beam at them, one of your best friends and unofficial boyfriend finally meeting. “sounds promising. i approve,” coco mutters to you. bumping your hip into hers playfully, you take one of tom’s hands in both of yours.

“aw, we have your blessing or something? your permission?” you coo and get a push at your shoulder from coco in return. tom chuckles, his thumb running over the back of your hand. “no! i was gonna say you should bring him out back,” coco clarifies, like it was obvious. you’re not sure what she’s on about. “uh, what’s out back?” you question. “an axe?” tom teases.

coco gestures to the nearest exit. “we’re having a little goodbye party in the parking lot. fire pit, snacks. remember?” nope, you’d completely forgotten. the idea first sounded like the perfect way to end your night, so you agreed to go. that was before you were dripping sweat and mentally exhausted. now, all you want to do is unwind with tom and tom only.

the superstar life is one you’re happy to lead, just not at this exact moment.

“i do now.” you muster up your most apologetic smile for coco, tugging on tom’s hand. “i’m sorry, co. i think we’re gonna pass.” her jaw drops. you’re never one to skip these things. “aw, for real? it’s our last night!” tom threads his fingers through yours while you talk. “bro, we’ve been together for almost a whole year,” you laugh out, nuzzling your cheek into tom’s chest. “get sick of me.”

“never,” coco deadpans. she catches you gazing up at tom, relaxing as his arms hug your middle. she’s known you long enough to tell what’s a fling and what’s real love for you. this is something special, and she can’t get in the way of it. she’ll let you navigate this yourself. “ok, just for tonight. you’ll text me?” coco gives you a real smile, raising an eyebrow at tom. he gathers that’s a good thing. he’s in.

“mhm. maybe we can hang out tomorrow,” you agree and let your eyes flutter shut. all that’s keeping you up are tom’s strong arms. “tell everyone i love them.” “i think they know.” coco shakes her head lightheartedly. tom laughs at her. “be good,” she tells him and means it, rubbing your back on her way to the lot. that leaves you and tom alone at last.

custodians are cleaning up the arena, fans are piling out, and you’re clinging to tom while his steady heartbeat grounds you. this is the only after party you need.

“harry’s got the car when you’re ready,” tom mumbles, tucking a piece of damp hair behind your ear. you loop your arms around his torso with a hum. “i was kinda wondering where he went.” “yeah?” he gives you a small smile. “gotta ask what he thought... of the show.” yawns are creeping past your lips, tonight’s events catching up to you.

“i like feedback from the fans, or stans,” you elaborate in your sleepy state. tom uses his fingertips to tap your temple. “what about me? i’m your biggest.” “i’ll, um, follow up with you later.” your words are slurring. “right now, home.” warmth spreads throughout tom’s entire body, his house becoming yours for a bit. “your chariot awaits,” he affirms before helping you to your dressing room.

after collecting your things, you follow tom out to the car. harry is in the driver’s seat, and you two slip into the back. he exchanges a look with his brother through the mirror while you settle on his shoulder. you’re hugging his bicep, his lips pressing to the side of your head.

“thank you for driving,” you speak softly to harry. he starts to pull out of the spot with a nod. “no problem. get to say i was y/n y/l/n’s chauffeur.” tom clicks his tongue even though harry is joking. you snicker at his remark, joking back. “you want the job? better be a five star ride, then.” your banter brings yet another smile to tom’s face. his family is everything to him, so seeing you get along so well means the most.

“right, right. did you have a good time?” harry wonders, twisting to see behind him while he turns around. he also peeks at you snuggled up to tom before facing forward. “great, actually. did you?” you check, the grin clear in your voice. harry goes into full stan mode. “no shit! you were brilliant, y/n. god, every note was just like how you did it the studio.” he’s raving, which is much appreciated by you.

“good answer.” tom shoots his brother a wink. “‘s that what you wanted to hear?” he asks in reference to your conversation earlier. your response is a kiss to his shoulder. “yay. i’m happy you liked it, harry.” he buzzes with excitement, having his favorite artist care what he thinks.

not much is said for the rest of the drive. tom and harry make some hushed conversation about golfing this weekend while you struggle to stay awake. they’re obsessed with that damn sport. it’s honestly nice to see, that tom has something he likes to do when he isn’t shooting hollywood’s biggest movies. your free time will finally give you the chance to discover other hobbies.

you stumble out of the car upon arriving to the boys’ place, a backpack on your shoulders and tom’s hand held tight in yours. you’ve got only a few essentials with you for tonight. the rest is on the tour bus, so you’ll gather it after your hangout with coco. besides, everything you need at the moment is right here.

“home sweet home,” tom announces as harry unlocks the front door. his words bring a tired smile to your face. “finally,” you exhale, keeping your fingers laced with tom’s and following the two of them inside. “i could show you around a bit, give you the grand tour. or-“ tom stops talking, feeling your weight on him. harry huffs at how oblivious his brother is.

“mate, she’s falling over. save it,” he suggests and kicks the door shut lazily. you’re done in. you’ve been having to lean on tom since the show ended. “another time, then,” tom mumbles, securing his arm around your waist. “there is one thing i wanna see.” your voice is low, body curled into tom’s side. he raises an eyebrow. “and that is?” “your room.”

tom takes that in a suggestive way, like he does most things. “we’re getting right to it, are we?” he questions, harry gagging and you nudging his arm with your head. “not like that, dummy. ‘cuz i’m sleepy.” there’s a beat of silence. “ask me again in-“ “wow, look at the time!” harry interrupts so he doesn’t have to hear the details. he’s sure he’ll witness enough after it happens. “off to bed i go! goodnight.”

he rushes to get to his room, yelling out, “great show, y/n!” on the way. “thank you! night!” you call back, tom letting out a sigh. “div of the century,” he says under his breath. “must run in the family,” you playfully retort. that gets you a firm poke at your side. “where’s everyone else?” you glance up at him. there should be two other idiots and a lovely, furry lady running around.

“tuwaine’s gone to the pub, harrison’s filming late, and tess is at mum and dad’s,” tom fills you in, grabbing your arm and draping it around his middle. doing him one better, you hug him with both. you squint in confusion about the last part. “they watch her when i’m out,” tom answers your unspoken question. “ah,” you nod, then deflate ever so slightly. “i wanted to meet her, though. the other boys, too.”

tom smooths the pad of his thumb over your cheek. “you will, darling. it’s only for tonight.” he kisses the same spot reassuringly. “we’ve got loads of time.” “yeah, we do,” you agree, instantly cheering up and letting your head fall onto his chest. “now, where’s your room?” “just upstairs. you need some help getting in?” he’s only playing around, but you accept, tightening your arms around his neck.

“show me the way,” you beam at him. “happy to.” tom wiggles his eyebrows, you jumping up. your legs wrap around his waist, his arms holding you against him. with a satisfied hum, you squish your face into his insanely soft shirt. “what a diva,” tom sarcastically complains while taking you to the staircase. “doesn’t even say please. no manners from this one.”

“you try dancing in six inch heels for two hours,” you shoot back, patting the side of his neck. he moves one hand down to your thigh for a better grip. you’re nearing the top of the stairs. “think i’ll leave that to you,” he decides and squeezes your thigh. “look at me, carrying the whole music industry.” your face easily gets hot and your words turn to murmurs. “shut up. you should listen to other songs.”

you’re on the second floor now, tom going for the first door. he frowns at his rejected compliment. “no, i like yours. they’re my favorite.” “really?” your muffled laugh sounds from his chest. “what was the first thing i ever said to you?” he asks, a toothy grin on him even though you can’t see it. you recall the faithful night he slid into your dms while he carries you into his room.

he’d tripped over his words somehow, the fangirling fool. before that, he tweeted to the whole world that he wanted to see you in concert. it was a huge thing, and people were freaking out about it, even more so when your online interactions became routine. that’s nothing compared to where you are now.

you’re currently living with him and basically dating. possibly, in love. the base of it all really is your music.

“that you love me.” you pause for the ellipses. the corners of your lips turn up. “but, you really meant to say my work.” “both apply.” tom passes that off like it’s a side comment, carefully laying you down on his bed. you look up at him with a curious glint in your eyes. “what does that mean?” his cheeks flush, and he bites back the smile that’s growing. this was supposed to go... differently.

you sit up, breathing out a laugh at tom’s boyish behavior. he’s precious, truly. “you do love me?” those three words will change everything if he says yes. he takes both your hands in his and holds them between you two. you meet his doe eyes. “yeah, y/n/n. i do.” so, you were right. “i love you... and, that wasn’t how i planned on saying it.” signaling for him to elaborate, you tilt your head to the side.

tom sits down next to and faces you before continuing. “it was supposed to be romantic, right?” he rolls his eyes up to the ceiling, annoyed he ruined this. “candlelit dinner, flowers, that sort of thing. seems more fitting for the occasion.” you shift closer to him until your knees are touching. your face is lit up, voice dropped to almost a whisper.

“since when do we do things the way we’re supposed to?” you point out and set your hands on his shoulders. “we’ve gone straight from online dating to me moving in. that’s usually not how it works.” tom chuckles lowly. his own hands find their place on your hips. you’re so good with words. then again, you are a singer. “guess you could say we’re, um, spontaneous,” he agrees, fingers drawing circles on you.

you and tom have explored some of each other’s most intimate places, yet you’ve never shared a moment quite like this. it’s like meeting him for the first time again. he’s too tongue tied to spit out what he wants. you somehow know, anyway. what you cherish most about your relationship is that you two completely and totally understand one another, on every level.

“tom?” you speak quietly, butterflies filling up your body. “hm?” he hums back. this is one of those moments where it all just clicks. “i love you. i really, really love you.” you giggle out of the pure happiness that consumes you, tom joining in your laughter. “i love you, too.” he sounds like he’s said it a million times and he’ll say it a million more. he leans over so his forehead rests on yours. “really, really love you.”

your warm breath hits his face, eyes darting from his own to his lips. “i want you to be more than...” you trail off, unsure of how to phrase it. “more than... more than a friend?” tom pokes fun at what you said during the show. there’s less and less space between you with every second. “you mean, like, a boyfriend?”

“exactly. be my boyfriend,” you all but demand. you’re half asleep and desperate to be able to call him yours already. “bossy, bossy, bossy,” tom chastises, swiping his thumb across your bottom lip. how he goes from being shy and giddy to the cockiest person alive in minutes, you’ll never know. “please?” you throw in to sway him. your hand locks with his, slowly moving it off your face.

you run your tongue over your teeth. “at least kiss me.” “you don’t have to ask,” tom breathes, lips now ghosting over yours. “i was going to.” true to his words, he closes the microscopic gap between you, you pushing forward against him as you kiss back. your first kiss in love. his lips taste like the chapstick he always uses, and he moves them softly.

he places a hand on your knee, you opening your mouth so he can have access to it. instead, a yawn exits. tom pulls back with a breathy laugh. “you must be exhausted, yeah? let’s get you to bed.” he pecks your lips once more. “my girl needs her beauty rest.” that confirms your relationship. you scrunch your nose and grin wide. “and, she’s gonna get some with her boy.”

you’re reminded of how sweaty you are when you catch a whiff. “oof, wait. do you think i can take a shower first?” you grimace, fanning at the air for emphasis. tom uses the tip of his nose to nudge yours. “absolutely. need help in there, too?” he’s not asking in that way, only so nothing happens. the hospital wouldn’t be the most pleasant place to spend your break. plus, he doesn’t want to be without you too long.

“you know what? yeah.”

that’s how you end up intertwined under the hot water, letting it cascade down your back as tom hugs you close to him. you sigh in content and tangle your fingers in his fluffed over curls. you’ve learned that he’s super into having his hair played with. it’s endearing, how he instinctively leans into your touch, eyes closing as you tug on the roots.

he drops his head down to kiss your shoulder, dragging his lips to your collarbone in a way that tickles. they land on one of your breasts next. there isn’t anything sexual about it, only loving. just in case he gets too excited because it’s not uncommon he does, you gently put a finger to his lips. tom takes the hint and lets up. you continue combing through his wet hair while you step out of the water.

“do you ever sing in the shower?” he questions, drawing your naked body in closer to his. “sometimes, yeah. i honestly feel like i sound better there,” you admit and slide your hand down to the nape of his neck. tom’s tongue darts out to lick his lips. “not true. you sound beautiful everywhere, and don’t fight me on this one.” he smirks in satisfaction, you groaning at your loss.

“i really enjoy hearing your voice when it blares through an arena, though,” tom keeps buttering you up. you shake your head and settle both arms around his neck. “man, i just love you so much.” “i love you, sweetheart,” he murmurs back, you switching places so he can give his hair a final rinse. you watch him and his glowing body, admiring the sight.

“what a sensation you are,” you say mostly to yourself, which doesn’t stop him from hearing. “i see what you did there.” he eyes you while you do the same to him. your arms still around his neck pull him back to you. “tommy? do you sing in the shower?” you meant to ask him before, then he started throwing all those compliments at you.

tom scoffs, walking you back so you’re against the wall. “i don’t sing anywhere.” “what?” you gasp and put a hand on his chest. “you’re lying, you have to be. wasn’t billy elliot a musical?” he narrows his eyes at you as he tries to gage where you’re going with this. “that i did a decade ago, and way before puberty. couldn’t sing a word without cracking after that.”

your mouth is left hanging open in shock and disappointment. you bet he has a nice voice, and he’s downplaying it. “y/n,” tom begins, cupping your jaw with his palm. “since we’re living together now, there’s a lot you’re going the learn about me. good things, weird things.” he shrugs casually. “this is one of the weird things.”

“only because you make it weird! come on, let me hear you,” you request and wrap a leg around his waist. you’re giving him a hopeful smile. “god, no. you’ll hate it,” he almost laughs, a hand on your thigh. “i’m literally a singer. how could i hate something i love?” you refute, batting your lashes at him. “especially when someone i love is doing it.” “i love you, too. but, i’m not.” he’s quick to shut you down.

“drop a bar!” you try to coax him, which he already has a comeback for. “you first.” “i can’t. my throat is all scratchy from earlier,” you lie. tom presses his lips into a line, feigning pity. “aw, you know what’ll make you feel better? tea. i’ll go get you some.” he turns to shut the water off, so you grab his shoulders. “no, the steam is working. you can stay.”

“love,” tom addresses you in a warning tone that you can’t take seriously. he can’t either, a giggle escaping him. “my voice is shit. ask anyone, and they’ll tell you.” “i won’t believe them,” you hum, pushing back curls sticking to his forehead. “sounds like you just have stage fright. we can work on that, though.” “how?” he tightens his arm around your middle.

“i’ll bring you on for my next show. we’ll do a little duet.” you’re joking, though that would definitely be interesting to see unfold. “uh, never. what happened to you being tired?” tom cleverly deflects and digs his fingers into your side. you look down in defeat. “i forgot about that.” “yeah, yeah. no, seriously. we should really get to sleep, y/n/n.” he’s back to his sweet, attentive self. “‘s been a long night.”

giving in with a nod, you capture his lips in yet another kiss. tom never gets tired of them, and neither do you. you break it after a few seconds, lips lingering on his as they detach. “carry me?” you ask again, not caring how whiny you sound. tom presses a quick kiss to your forehead. “oh, you’re adorable. of course.”

well, you’ve found something to keep you occupied until the next leg of tour. you’re going to discover the many layers your intriguingly unusual boyfriend has.

[theyarebothgunshot]

Ok, here I go. I'm gonna apologize in advance 'cause there's a lot to go off my chest >.< First of, I'm kinda new to #cockles universe. 1) Yesterday I came across a terrible word/tag around here, 'b*bro'. I sadly found out what's all about, I got so disgusted. I have nothing against several fandoms taking part in just one show, people are different, so they think differently and that's natural, but "#anti-misha"??? Are you kidding me? That was ridiculous, to begin with. [1/3 Canonymous]

2) Is it just me or SPNDC 2019 panel (the one JA talks about Paris Hilton) had some very rude attitude from Jensen towards Misha? I can't settle down after watching it, it looked like he was being harsh on purpose for some reason. Am I freaking out? If you agree, would you know something behind the scenes? Also, what are your thoughts on "Jensen has to get drunk to go though a panel along with Misha"? I notice a great difference in this panel between them. [2/3 Canonymous]

3) Leaving aside our tinhatting theories and biased perception, what do you >really< think that goes on between them? Just a deep and trustful relationship between long time co-workers that went a bit more special because of the amount of bullshit they shared in/out of set, or... something else? Also, do you agree that J&J are much closer and 'bros' than Jen & Misha? Thank you for your time already. Much love! [3/3 Canonymous]

it really is very sad that there are so many people out there who actively hate on misha and their wives and dedicate whole blogs to it. i try not to come in contact with such content but i know it exists. 

i personally didn’t get that vibe during the spndc panel at all? in fact, i answered an anon ask about it one time where we both agreed that it was a lovely panel and that they smiled a lot at each other etc. i think the notion that jensen has to get drunk to get through a panel with misha is ridiculous, i just think they drink during conventions because they are letting loose and having a good time.

i know that everybody has a different take on these two, but personally i am so deep in it that i cannot for the life of me see them as anything else than two people who are in a committed relationship. i just think that all the signs point to yes. and i definitely think that j/2 are close and that they are bros, but i do not think jensen and misha are bros and i honestly believe that he is closer to misha than to j*red, but that’s also because i personally believe that’s a very different relationship. 

[atrixfromice]

What are some French swear words?

Ooh I remember when I signed up on tumbrl and I was really excited with the idea people were able to ask me questions here, heheh And now I have my questions piled up, oh my! I feel shame of myself! *blushes and hides her face under her hands * So that's why I'm trying to catch up with the questions people have given me.

This one  made me laugh a lot and blush a lot at the same time! HEHEHEH! Mostly because when you said “swear words" I imagined me saying such words and being red like a tomato while doing it! XD

It will be ok if I ask you a question before replying your question?...because I’m very curious!

Why would you want to know swear words in French in the first place?

In general it’s something people asks me very otfen when I tell them I know french, it’s pretty hilarious and intriguing.

Specially, your question it’s so funny, because when I starting learning french I thought I absolutely didn’t wanted to learn french swear words and I was avoiding them like the plague! I avoided the sites I thought might contain them so I couldn’t find them. Bu I never thought youtube could have them. I watched videos of my favorite cartoons in french on youtube to practice my hearing, and the videos didn’t had them, so I thought I was safe....but the comments people made had swear words in them sometimes, cos teen french used them for everything! O_O like if they were common words like “ok” or “hey”.

Then I tried to leave youtube and other sites, and stay just on deviantart and comment some french artists pieces to practice my writting, but many teenager native french on deviantart talked like that was well. They literally cound’t start a phrase without a swear word on it! XD

So at the end I ended up accepting that was part of french culture, wether I liked or and I coudn’t escape of that heheh

And I chilled up a bit. Mostly because I realized the French tend to be pretty open about them. They don’t see them as shocking words or to offend someone, they use them more like a wildcard for their phrases, specially young ones.

That said, I still don’t like swear words and I’m still not in favor of teaching people this kind of stuff because I think it’s not really useful. But I encourage the curiosity of learning another language, and I like people being inquisitive, so lets see what I can do.

If you google for “swear words in french” you’ll find a lot. So I think it will be a lot cooler to know stuff you don’t learn in books nor in the web, but in real life talking ( or writting moslty in my case, although I have had the chance to talk too) with other french! Like how you can use swear words in an elegant way, or using euphemisms. So you can use them without anybody gasping and being schocked at it.

I will start with the softest ones and gradually go to some that are stronger. well, as much as being an artists who works on family entertaintment field lets me at least *chuckles*

Sacrebleu!

This one means “ sacred blue” and it comes from the time on 19 century when people referred to Mary’s bue dress, and used it as an exclamation expression. And people considered it a swear word because they believed saying that was taking her name in vain. This one probably you have heard it already a lot of times on french themed movies or shows. And it really isn’t a swear word on nowadays.  It could be an equivalent of “darn” in english.

It’s an outdated one though. No french says it since a pretty good time. But I think it’s a very cool and funny one, it sounds cool! So I couldn’t help including it here hehe

I think it would be great if people in nowadays would want to say it!

Nom d’un chien!

It comes from "Nom de dieu” which in the 19 century was considered a swear word, because people had the belief  to mention God’s name on an exclamation phrase was a bad thing because they were “taking God’s name in vain”. Also, some people use “chien” to refer to the word in french for S***.

Still in use, but mostly by elderly people.

Flûte!

This one means literally “flute”, the instrument.  But I love it because it’s so hilarious how if well used, it can become an exclamation expression with F word because it resembles very much to the F word in french. And it’s ok to say it on rated G material! As I’ve seen on french comic books and movies. So you can actually use it on your rated G work, and it sounds more like what a genuine french would say than “sacrebleu“.

Still in use by all french, but specially middle aged and mature people.

Diantre

Means “dammit”, and it’s used very often, specially by mature aged people, as an exclamacion expression of surprise or anger. Like: “Damn! I forgot my car’s keys!” “Diantre! J'ai oublié mes clés de voiture!”  

Not very used by the younger ones though,  but it’s a cool one! I think people should use it more!

Bordel

A mess.This word literally means bordello or brothel, and is used in that sense as well. 

“Bordel” is one of my favorite french words despite being considered a swear word, because it’s not much an offensive word like other swear words. Its more like a word most commonly used in exclamation expressions like “Like oh ****! That movie was incredible!!” “Oh bordel! Ce film à ete incroyable!”

Or talking about something being messy or sloppy, like “my table was really a mess after cooking”, "Ma table etait un vrai bordel après avoir cuisiné”.

You can also use this one as an expression of rage to someone, like “****! why did you beat up my brother?! “Bordel!

There are also some other words that are used with the purpose of being offensive. Like for example:

Dégage !

Get out of my way! /**** off!  The verb dégager used to suggest movement – especially that of expulsing something – in non-obscene contexts, as well. As a swear word, it actually really depends on the way a person uses it.  It would never be polite to say to someone if you want them to get out of your way, but it can range from “Move!” or “Get out of my way!” to “Fuck off!” depending on how angry/frustrated the speaker is.

Dégueulasse (sometimes shortened to “Dégueu”).  

Disgusting/repugnant.  This can refer to a thing, a person, an action, a situation, etc. It’s used all the time, especially on reality TV and by teens across France, and is only moderately obscene. Still, when in polite company, use its perfectly above-board sibling, dégoûtant(e), instead. I say this from experience.

Ta gueule

Shut the ****/hell up!  This expression comes from the phrase “Ferme ta gueule“, that means literally “shut up your snout”,  but it’s so frequently used that just the last two words are necessary now.

Like some of the other words on this list, this one’s power seems to vary depending on the context and, especially, the tone of the speaker. It’s often used in French comedies when a person is getting angry or upset – and in those cases, where it doesn’t seem particularly violent or full of loathing, it could be best translated as “Shut the hell up!” or even simply “Shut up!”.

On the other hand, if the person saying it is doing so in an aggressive way, it could probably be better translated as “Shut the fuck up!”

Se taire

Means “Shut up!” Like its English counterpart, this isn’t so much obscene, as impolite.  “Tais-toi” is the most common form.

Chier

Means to defecate, but in a vulgar way, so it’s the equivalent of the word S*** in english.  Even if this one IS a strong swear word, I added it here because it's use in french it’s very interesting and fascinating to me . It’s a word that isn’t only be used as an insult, but  it also can be used to express when something or someone it’s annoying, or just plain boring.

“Faire chier" A wonderful, versatile expression that ultimately shows annoyance.  If used reflexively (most commonly Je me fais chier) it means to be fucking bored or annoyed.  

Faire chier, is also  a common expression that means to “piss off someone” to make someone mad.This comment I found from someone who traveled to paris was very interesting:

“This is an expression I heard a lot last time I went to Paris. Every time a train was cancelled, I could hear lots of “ils font vraiment chier !”

À  chier

s***ty/garbage. Le film était à chier. The movie was s***ty.

Chiant(e)

Bloody annoying.

This can be used to describe a living being; Je ne veux pas voir Sandra et son chien – ils sont chiants tous les deux ! I don’t want to see Sandra and her dog – they’re both bloody annoying !

Or a situation

Sa mère lui a dit qu’il doit assister au repas familial au lieu de venir au bar avec nous vendredi soir ?  C’est chiant.

His mom told him he has to have dinner with his family instead of going out to the bar with us on Friday night?  That’s bloody annoying.

There are a lot of others, but I think those ones are out of my budget *chuckles* Also, they’re a lot! XD So maybe, if you wanna know more about this subjet you can drop me a message :)

I’m not fan of explaining this stuff, but I know if I don’t you will research online and probably will get incorrect info, and then you will be mocked by people because of that, and it will be embarassing. And I don’t wanna be the responsible of that, hehe

In the other hand, I don’t blame you for wanting to know swear words in french, cos it’s true all words sound so beautiful and elegant in french, even the most vulgar and obscene ones XD That’s something I adore from French language and always amazes me!

Don’t believe me? Here’s a proof (and yes those are actual french swear words.)

By the way, I loved the analogy from Matrix of “wiping your ass with silk” XD Very fitting and very hilarious. I for my part would say, hearing swear words in french its like being slapped with a rose petal. You know it’s meant to be a bad thing, yet it’s so nice to hear, it sounds like if they were saying poetry! XD

[arlakos]

Why Miracle Queen doesn’t make sense. (SPOILERS just in case)

As most of you who have seen my blog know by now, I have found Season 3 to be somewhat of a mess. While having bit of a better writing and episodes overall compared to the rather boring season 2, it also had a lot of disappointing mistakes in terms of character writing and focus, and most episodes which could have been good often had a rather awkward or cringe moment that ruins the episode for me, such as the statue scene in Puppeteer 2. For fans who don't remember, let me remind you:

Now that I’ve mentally traumatized myself looking for this pic, let us continue:

On the topic of episodes, despite any cringey scenes that might be in the episodes, a lot of them are at the very least concise. Sure, the episodes usually have the same generic plot, non-hero moment, angry person, Akuma, hero fight, reset and repeat, but for the most part, they are ok... But even this season, there have been some episodes that have the most stupid plots that don't even make sense. From the horrifying Chameleon episode that had all class characters drop in IQ for the story to work, to the Feast Episode which restored the order of Guardians, but didn’t have them come to Paris to get the box back, there have been some rather stupid episodes...

...But none are more stupid than the Season Finale - Miracle Queen

For an episode that is not only confusing but bad, I could talk about the hundreds of mistakes that are present in episode, but other people can talk about that, or perhaps ill make another post regarding the episodes when I feel like breaking my fingers on my keyboard again, but right now I would like to focus on the 2 main plot holes that absolutely made no sense but ASS-TRUC, the man, the idiot, the infamous twitter legend, decided to do anyway.

So the first plot point I'm gonna talk about is.....

Chloe Bourgeois, aka Miracle Queen

For anyone who hates Chloe bourgeois, this episode would have probably left you jumping for joy, given the fact it pretty much gets her removed from the miraculous team.

For the rest of us, who I assume either like Chloe or find the episodes plot to make no sense, or both, this episode is quite contradictory to the entirety of the season, both because the seasons abnormal focus on Lila and her antics, and because of the fact that previous episodes had Chloe accept the fact that she couldn't become a hero.

In Miraculer, Chloe accepts the fact that she can’t become a hero again. Sure the episode has Chloe be upset at Ladybug, but in the end, she accepted that it was mean to be this way, and definitely shows no trace of wanting to join hawkmoth in any sort of capacity. 

Also, a small bit added in from my friend @twin-books​, who said this gem of a message:

“ Ah, in Miraculer what she displayed was confidence where she knew she would be Queen Bee again, she didn't doubt herself for a second. Chloe used to doubt herself, used to play the damsel, let others take care of her but this time she said, "No. I am Queen Bee and just because you won't give my comb doesn't make me anything less." Or at least, how I interpreted it.  By tearing the photo she was excepting that Ladybug didn't have faith as her as a hero, nor did she ever. That Ladybug ignored her in favor of someone she deemed worthy but Chloe knows she's worthy. She proved her worth and just because Ladybug can't see that doesn't mean she should believe it. It's also interesting how she completely takes it out on Ladybug but is fine with Chat because she knows where she stands with Chat and she may have never liked him but he displayed faith in her. He knew and that might just be what kept her going so she could gain her own confidence. “

So when Chloe is left angry in Miracle Queen because she wasn’t chosen and immediately joins Hawkmoth, it just doesn't make any sense because previous episodes contradict it.

NOW, to be fair, I would have been fine with Chloe joining Hawkmoth if there was a buildup to it. If they Had Hawkmoth come in between the episodes from Miraculer to Miracle Queen to try and persuade Chloe and/or have her doubt Ladybug, then the turn from hero to villain would make sense. Unfortunately, thanks to Ass-truc and his have-every-episode-be-a-single-story-episode-and-have-every-character-reset-fuck-you-continuity episode design, this doesn't happen and having Chloe go from a person who is selfish but at the very least is a hero to a full-on 2-d villain is jarring as shit. It would have made more sense for her to just take the miraculous and go rouge with it, but a full-on villain? C’mon.

Also, there's the fact that for the entire season the show has been pushing Lila to be this over the top manipulator and villain in the day to day lives of the heroes. If they really wanted to have someone be Miracle Queen, why not Lila. It would make sense considering a Miracle is something that happens that it seems so unreal, and given that Lila would probably like her lies to become real it would make sense for her to become Miracle Queen. 

Also where the hell was she all episode, she just disappeared out of existence for the entire episode. At least have her come and take the fox miraculous from Alya and have her be a secondary antagonist.

Now that we’ve got that out of the way, now for the second plot hole...

The Miracle Box

It. Just. Doesn't. Make. Sense.

But to understand why, let me break it down.

- So due to Hawkmoth almost breaking through the barrier (and for whatever reason decided not to just jump away) Fu transfers ownership of the box to Marinette

-Because of the idiot logic of the show, there can only ever be on Guardian at a time, and because of the transfer, the previous Guardian loses their memories.

-The box also turns into an egg, for whatever reason.

Now, the only thing I dont mind about the whole scene is that the whole Guardian thing is magical in nature. Since Fu can do stuff like detect other Miraculi, it would make sense that the Guardian is more than just a title and has a magical aura around them that makes them a guardian. That being said, there are still a lot of trouble with this scene that rustle my jimmies to heck.

So lets go through the main problems with this plot hole.

-’There can only ever be one Guardian’

Bollocks. The flashback of the order clearly shows multiple individuals. And with the Sandboy episode showing Fu being haunted by a guardian with a female voice (yet also showing a male Guardian in Feast), it clearly shows that there are more than one Guardian in the order.

-’Upon transfer, the previous Guardian Loses their memories’

Again, this also doesn’t make sense. Even assuming that the Guardianship of box needs to have a magical transfer, making the previous Guardian lose their memories because of it makes no sense in the plot of the Miraculous Universe. Maybe it would make sense if the Guardian was but a single man (like in Fu’s case), but it doesn’t make as much sense when you remember the order it comes from.

See, the Order was located in Tibet, high away from the outside world, and the people who were there probably lived there all their life. So knowing these facts, why would it make sense for the previous owner to lose their memories? I can understand someone being a head guardian and then transferring the ownership when their time is up, but it doesn't make sense for them to just forget the order, they live there their entire lives, and would likely do so until their death. And the show implies that this is the actual way the ownership is transferred, and Marinette’s case wasn't a special case of an emergency transfer. It does make sense that the Guardians can remove memories of the order for people who have gone rogue or are expelled, but it doesn't make sense that the memory forgetting is entwined with the transfer of Guardianship.

-’The box turns into an egg, for whatever reason’

I'm not gonna explain it. Its a freaking box. A box that, while well designed, showed no capability of magic power at all for the entirety of the show. ITS A GODDAMN BOX AND IT MAKES NO SENSE FOR IT TO TURN INTO A POLKADOTTED EGG.

Though to be fair, in hindsight, a lot of this plot hole induced stupidity does have  a logical explanation for this:

Thomas Astruc and Zag

Or rather, Thomas Astruc and Zag quarrel.

See, when it comes to Ass-truc and his ideal show design, it would have been just simple about Marinette and why she is quote on quote  ‘awesome’. thats it. Pretty much every episode would be about Marinette being amazing, everyone loving her and kissing her feet, and nothing goes wrong for her in the same way as every Mary Sue ever written in a fanfic. The only difference being there was no main character to replace.

But Zag was having none of it. While Ass-truc wanted to just show off his OC, Zag wanted an actual show, and so made a lot of changes to it. Chat Noir, who in Astruc original comic idea was a one off character (and possibly a villain) got repurposed by Zag to be the second main character in the show. It also makes sense for every hero to have a mentor, which led to Zag creating Fu. Zag was also responsible for a bunch of other stuff to be added into the shows, such as additional heroes, Chloe becoming a good Guy, etc.

Of course, this made ASS-truc mad because that meant no 100% focus on the ‘goddess’ that is Marinette. So after bullying Zag off twitter via the use of his Stans (rip Zag twitter account- no posts since 2017) and forcing him off the Miraculous team after Season 1 (although this could also just be Zag focusing on other shows), Astruc had free reign to undo all that Zag had done. While Astruc did follow Zag's request due to owning half of the Miraculous license (being the guy that co-produced the show), he often twisted them so that they were skewed or couldn't last. The flashback of the order being destroyed? That was due to Fu being hungry and creating a monster in a plot induced stupidity. Chloe being a good guy? Yeah right, she sabotages a train just to save it and make herself look good, is an asshole regardless and then goes full-on villain. The other new heroes that help Ladybug? Gone, due to the same episode which prompted me to make this post.

Of course, this would impact the ratings of the show, forcing Zag to come back and fix Astruc’s mess in Season 4. Astruc knew that Zag returning would undo all the damage Astruc done to the show. So in a final bid attempt to keep this his way, he rewrote the finale, causing things in the show to actually become permanent and leaving Zag unable to fix anything. Thanks to Ass-truc, Fu is now gone forever, making Marinette the Guardian permanently, all the heroes aside from Ladybug and Chat Noir can’t be heroes anymore (leaving the focus entirely on Marinette), and Chloe now has become an irredeemable villain. All so that Astruc can brag on twitter about how Chloe ‘always was a villain’ and how ‘he was right all along’ despite being the one who wrote the character into existence.

And I’m not lying about this either or making it up. Even in the finale of the season 3 (particularly miracle queen) a lot of the time involves most of the characters standing around listening to dialogue and exposition rather than acting in ways they actually should (such as trying to save Fu or attacking Miracle Queen), no doubt due to the rewrites Astruc did before the finale was released, causing the animation to be very minimal or not making sense as there wasn't time to redo the animation. You can even see it in small amounts in episodes such as Glaciator and Troublemaker.

For me, this will probably go down as one of the worst episodes in the series, even worse than Stormy weather 2, because of its horrible writing, the plot holes it creates, and how much of the episode was designed to cater to Ass-trucs desires rather than designed to actually be a good finale to a season. That's not to say it didn't have good moments (such as dragon Bug and Snake Noir), but the overall episode was just so bad that the bad outweighed the good moments, at least for me. I wonder what Zag will do to fix season 4, but considering the suicide impact on the show Astruc made to make sure the show would remain ‘his way’, i don't have any doubts that it will be a hard challenge ahead of him. Good luck Zag, hope you can fix the mess Ass-truc made.

[oncloud999]

Jikook - an essay apparently

Ok I have a lot of thoughts lately and no where else to express them. 

I’m a fairly new fan and while some of my friend irl know about this, its too embarrassing for someone of my age to still be into shipping or whatever, so no that’s not getting out there... 

anyway. So i only joined the fandom maybe mid last year and initially didn’t ship anyone cos I’m honestly over that. But then I thought V and kook looked cute together so I looked into their stuff a bit. I still didn’t really ship them but did have a preference for the two of them together, more like bros and bffs rather than anything romantic because i just don’t get that vibe from them. I do have a friend in real life (who’s actually korean... ) who was into JiKook being a couple which I thought was odd because a lot of the shipping things come from their skinship and I thought she’d be less affected by it cos she’s korean but.... 

anyway, even when i was more into vkook, i saw a lot of jimin and jungkook together that did make me raise my eyebrows. like their firework vid and the pics and vids of them spending time together after concerts. i also did come across some photos of jimin and jungkook hanging out. i also watched a few jikook analysis videos and scoffed at them because honestly, you can make them out of anybody if you focus on certain things. 

anyway, fastforward to a few days ago, i don’t even remember what i was doing, but somehow i started seeing jimin and jungkook together as something more than just friends or bros. I mean whatever relationship they have, it’s clearly very special. you don’t plan your world trip during your long awaited holiday around your friend’s bdays unless they’re REALLY special. Jimin flew across the world to be with jk for his birthday before the next leg of his trip. i mean, yes, you can argue that he needed to come back to pack or whatever, but there are easier ways to do it than coming back for 1 night and then flying off again. he could’ve flown from paris to hawaii directly. 

so to keep my sanity, i need to somewhere to write out why and why not i think they’re a couple or whatever...

Reasons why I think they’re a couple

- they’re super close. they definitely hang out outside of their group activities and enjoy spending time with each other. as previously stated, jk obviously means a lot to jimin for him to plan his trip around jk’s birthday. they always talk about hanging out late into the night

- their tokyo trip and gcf. i’m not even going to go into it cos people have already talked enough about it, including the two of them. it especially means a lot cos jk obviously doesn’t like travelling all that much

- even before a couple of days ago, i have noticed sometimes namjoon getting in between the two of them when they’re being a little too flirtatious

- their onscreen flirting is something else. like you can see it as fanservice, but the two of them get so into it and what gets me the most is when jimin gets super shy and giggly about it and then sometimes have to walk away from jk. there are also moments that are not specifically on screen that’s very odd. like when they were in that run bts ep in canada and rm suddenly asked them if they were a couple cos they’re wearing matching clothes. and it’s not even like that time jin asked where it was directly in front of the camera. they were literally having a conversation in the background when whoever it was was playing that keeping your eyes open game and they were just taking photos in the back. 

- they are way more into touching each other than any other members. like jimin especially will hug and touch the other members, especially taehyung, but it’s never the hanging off each other, purposely seeking each other out on a huge stage for some contact sort of thing. jin and jk are also really touchy but they’re so bro about it 

- taehyung... if they are a couple, i would peg tae and jhope as the two who definitely know. taehyung during that one vlive where he was like, jimin wants to come, but i think jk won’t let him... at 1 am in the morning. also see below the uncertain section

- during their earlier days, jm clearly seems to have a crush on jk and jk seemed to very purposefully avoid that. they seem comfortable with each other now but defnitely there was a time that it got awkward when jm talks about how much he likes jk or wants to kiss him or go on a date with him. it could all be for fanservice again, but then he was kind of hurt when jk would not play along. 

- jm softens so obviously when it comes to jk. it’s not just the occasional fan accounts or whatever, like when they say that jm is a hard ass until jk comes along and he softens. when he did that v live with rm, the moments when he’s softest is when he was talking about practicing with jk. the only other person he’s soft with is taehyung but even then it’s not that often

- jm sharing friends with jk. when they went out around town in london with jm’s friends. they are clearly jm’s friends and jk just tagged along... apparently, jm doesn’t like sharing his friends? but apparently it’s ok for jk. even if they’re like brothers, i don’t really take my brother around with my friends... and if jk wants to see london as well, i’m sure he could’ve gone with one of the other members or the managers like how they sometimes do when it’s just one of them going to do something. i would personally find it more awkward hanging out with my friend’s friends than people i already hang out with 

Reasons why i don’t think they’re a couple

- it’s all too in your face. if it’s real, i wonder if they wouldn’t try to hide it better. or maybe they think the fans just think it’s fanservice anyway... it’s hard to tell. if it wasn’t so in your face sometimes, i would be less skeptical

- they still seem very bro-y to me a lot of time. like jimin seems to take care of jk a lot and the way he takes care of him is far more motherly/older brother

this list seems short but i think they’re both very important points.

anyway onto points that are maybe... because it’s speculation

- they may both have girlfriend. there’s definitely been rumours about both. and some more reliable than others. the one thing that goes against either having a girlfriend more recently is.... jm going on a trip around the world with his friends. if he did have a girlfriend or partner, you would think he would want to spend whatever time he has off with them, especially cos their holidays are so infrequent. and if you want to make the point that maybe his gf was busy, well, you would still try to spend whatever little time you ahve with them rather than going around the globe (again) with your friends. the only reason you wouldn’t stay in one place to spend a lot of time with them is if... you already spend a lot of time with them when you’re working lol. jk did have that maybe-maybe-not girlfriend during that time. i think if it was something, then it’s probably over now (poor girl, she was bombarded...) and it clearly means jk didn’t have anyone at the time. or she really was just a friend and it was blown out of proportion (again poor girl if she was dragged into this for nothing...). long story short. they’re either a couple together or they don’t have anyone in the recent past at least. we don’t know. but also there’s that clip from 2018 where jm was trying to convince jk to go on a trip with him around the time of jk’s birthday but jk refused. lol 

- the whole jk/jm sharing rooms, hiding in each other’s room sagas... it definitely seems like there’s other people in the room when they do their lives sometimes. especially the ones that people have pointed out like osaka with taehyung and that one time after eat jin last year when everyone crashed the party when jk was throwing a fit. interestingly, that is also one of the most uncomfortable vlives i’ve seen when it was just jk and jm at the beginning. the chastised and shy look on jm when the camera first panned to him, the weird looks, the funny touches. like what, i felt like i had to give them their alone time. and then the doorbell. now going back to why i think tae knows. in both these cases and another one (that i don’t know the time of), tae comes and refuses to leave when jk clearly asks him why he’s there and when he would go. (the one last year especially makes me want to laugh so badly cos jm esp was trying so hard to get everyone to leave). he’s probably trolling them by giving them grief. anyway, there are a lot of analysis videos etc on youtube. i won’t go into it further

- them rings. the rings they apparently bought in tokyo and still wear together or separately to this day. they definitely have them and they definitely wear them. again it could just be “friendship rings” but... yeah. 

- sharing clothes. a popular trope of why people are together. i mean jk and tae actually seem to share the style of clothes more but they tend to have their own (like those modern hanboks, they both have them and don’t seem to be sharing). where as jm and jk apparently actually share clothes... again could be bro behaviour or whatever, but then why doesn’t tae and jk share? they’re definitely more similar in built and style. 

- lately there seems to be a lot of taekook. apparently i just read that there’s been a lot of noises from taekook fans and maybe homophobic fans to bighit to try to get jikook to tone it down. and obviously there’s been a few times that jk’s behaviour has upset taehyung’s fans especially (and tae himself lol) so maybe it’s to make amends for that... they were really going at it at the golden disc and grammys. but even their more touchy stuff on stage like during bwl perfs during the concerts, their touches don’t seem very flirty. 

as to whetehr i think the rest of bts knows... i think they suspect but as i said before i think only tae and jhope knows for sure. jhope cos he’s pretty close to both of them and tae because he constantly seems to be trolling. but jin, rm and suga... maybe they suspect or just think jk is that friend that hates people getting close to their best bud, but who knows. rm maybe knows more recently because he’s definitely coming between them more. 

will we ever know. probably not. not while they’re popular and not while their country (or the world) is still so homophobic and don’t like their 40 year old celebrities to be in a relationship. maybe one day, we’ll hear that even after they’ve stopped promoting as a band, they’re still housemates or whatever. but that’s probably the most “confirmation” we will ever get. but as long as they’re happy, i just really hate seeing them sad. i just wish the world was less toxic towards them. or the world needs to be less toxic in general. 

the relationship i enjoy the most within bts is actually the one between jin and jungkook cos they are actually hilarious and chaotic together, but somehow jikook seems to have more of a romantic edge to their interaction. 

even if they’re not a couple, they definitely have a very strong bond and very close. whatever it is, they’re clearly special to each other beyond being friends or bandmates. maybe it’s better if they’re friends because couples break up but friends rarely do... 

anyway, this turned out much longer than i expected but i’m glad to have put my thought into some kind of coherent-ness... and off i go onto the delulu train. 

[thosequeenboys]

Every Road Leads Back to You (Ben Hardy x Joe Mazzello)

Summary:  Joe is on holiday in Europe, visiting the BoRhap boys.  His visit to Ben, who is on set in Belfast filming Pixie, brings up many emotions in each of them, and helps them gain some clarity.  

A/N:  The IG and Tumblr postings of these two have worn me down!  In this angsty story Ben and Joe, are dealing with their own personal and professional struggles.  In my professional life, I coach people to help them succeed in their jobs and work situations.  This story made me think about the strains of an acting career.   The title is from the Bette Midler song, “Every Road Leads Back to you” from the enjoyable, emotional movie, “For the Boys.”  Song lyrics in the story, which came to me as I wrote, are bolded and referenced at the end.    

Thank you!: I’d like to thank all the great FanFic writers and Fandom members who entertain and inspire me.  Special shout outs to @deakysgurl for beta reading this for me; @jessahmewren, my first Tumblr author, encourager and connection;  and @m0etenchandon, @freddie-mercurial, @dayoneliveaid @brownhardyho @brianmay-be @deacytits @deacysfabottomedgirl @its-our-paris @queenismykween

Warnings:  Angst, Love, loss of a parent, some longing. Figuring out life, love and work stuff!!

Joe was on holiday! Following the golf tournament with Gwilym, Joe arrived in Venice and joined Rami, Lucy, and other friends on a luxurious boat ride.  They realized they were being followed by a slew of paparazzi.  They indulged them for a while and finally shut it down by turning their backs and flipping them the bird, successfully causing them to scatter.

As their boat docked, Joe’s attention turned to the last leg of his trip-seeing his best buddy of them all in Belfast, where he was filming.  A smile spread across his face and he took a deep breath, anticipating their reunion.   It had been a long time.  

He paused on the dock and texted Ben: “Hey, wrapping in Venice and looking forward to heading to your neck of the woods tomorrow.  Got a Noon plane-should get to you around 6:00.  Please send your address.” 

He eyed his phone for a few minutes as Rami spoke, awaiting a response.  

“We’re heading to dinner, want to join us, Joe?” Rami asked.

 “Thanks, but I’m gonna head back to the hotel,” Joe said.  “I have some things to catch up on before I head out tomorrow.”

“Oh, right,” Rami smiled. “You’re going to visit Ben. I’m sure he could use a break.  Please send him our love. I’m so glad we had this time together.  Love you, dude.”  Joe hugged Rami and Lucy good-bye.  

 He glanced at his phone as he walked toward a cab.  No response.

Joe retreated to his hotel room. He changed, worked out, got dinner, and left a message for his agent, eager to hear if he solidified an audition for him for a Netflix mini-series and a movie role. He became agitated at the uncertainty-both about career plans-and his imminent travel.  He checked his phone again hoping for a text, still no response. His agitation grew.

That night, Joe lay in bed.  His future held a number of uncertainties-will he need to move to LA again or go on location if he gets these roles? Are these the best he can get?  What about his family, who were still adjusting to the new normal?  It was overwhelming to think about.  Eager to calm and distract himself, he laid back and let his mind flash to warm and wonderful images of BoRhrap: filming over long days; grabbing late night meals; sharing endless jokes; working together so easily.  Suddenly, his breath hitched as he thought about the suffering that intruded into those happy times.  His eyes watered, remembering how he unraveled in slow motion when answered his ringing phone to his sister’s teary voice. Even now, it was hard to believe his dad was gone.   His knees had buckled after hanging up with her. The boys raised him up, physically and emotionally, encircling him as his tears flowed.  He remembered glancing at Ben, whose green eyes burrowed into him, visibly tearing up himself, as he squeezed Joe’s shoulder in their huddled group embrace.  

Returning to his present restless night, he didn’t grant those emotions permission to invade him, and he switched his inner screen to the next reel of happier times: the movie premiere and the interviews, as the film rocked the world; the whirlwind of Awards nominations; the Oscars; and their playful Instagram posts, featuring Hardzello and Cardy-B.  

 Over time, the hype and glow of the movie faded, and the boys parted to pursue other endeavors.  Ben travelled extensively, working on multiple projects.  Calls were strained and rushed.  “I gotta go, buddy…I’m sorry….I  hope we can see each other -- next month, maybe, yeah?”

“Yeah, I know.  Let me know, and I’ll get a ticket…” Joe had responded before he heard Ben carrying on another conversation as the call disconnected.

He missed his dear friend and the times they shared, on and off the set - and the love.  Joe had not allowed himself to dig deeply into what that love meant.  He just knew the magic of those 12 months were like nothing he ever experienced, and he wanted to have Ben in his life.   “When I look and I find…I still love you. (1). And without him, there was an emptiness.

Suddenly, his phone pinged. “Hi, here’s the address….”

That was it.  Not “Can’t wait to see you!”  He felt a little dismissed.  Was Ben fitting him in as a favor?

‘Great, see you soon!” he responded. Relieved to have the details set, he fell asleep, rising early to head to the airport.  He ran to the gate after security dragged for over an hour. Settling into his seat, he welcomed the stillness.

Joe ordered a drink, downed it quickly and then fell asleep as the plane took off.  The sleep became restless as he pictured the visit, fueled by Ben’s less-than-enthusiastic text.  He pictured arriving at Ben’s modern flat with floor to ceiling windows that looked out high over the city.  He envisioned Ben’s co-stars there-mingling, snacking and drinking, easy laughter flowing. He saw Ben in his element, giving hugs, cracking private jokes, looking vibrant, fit and elegant, his new friends fawning over him. Though Ben would try to fill Joe in on the jokes, Joe pictured himself feeling awkward - and replaced.  Joe’s eyes flew open as the plane landed; his heart pounding and tears welled in his eyes, those images of Ben’s new friendships stinging him. It was a mistake to come here, he thought. His stomach tightened as he pictured himself cast in the role as outsider. 

“Landed” Joe texted to Ben as he grabbed a cab.  The cab dropped him off and he ambled up the path to the non-descript apartment complex. He knocked on Ben’s door softly.

The door was opened by a solemn Ben. “You made it.  Come in.”  Ben said with a tense grin.  Joe took a deep breath to brace himself and walked through the door tentatively.  He stopped and breathed a sigh of relief.  Ben was alone. There was no party.  No laughter. No new friends.  The furnished apartment was dreary; the living room was lit by one standing lamp with a heavy shade that emitted a dim light, next to the worn couch. There were empty take out containers on the coffee table and free weights strewn about the floor, along with a pile of newspapers and other assorted items.  This wasn’t like Ben, Joe thought, knowing that he was pretty meticulous and organized about his surroundings and himself.  

 Joe put his bag down and looked up at Ben.  Their eyes locked.  “Hey Buddy,” Joe said as he leaned in to hug him.  Ben hugged him back tentatively and broke the hug quickly. “You want a beer?” Ben asked, as he headed through the small living room toward the back of the small apartment to the tiny windowless kitchen, situated between the living room and bedroom.  “Sure,” Joe replied as he followed Ben.

Ben swung the refrigerator door open to get the beers and Joe peered in behind him.  “Dude, you got things growing and dying in there.  What’s up???” Joe asked with a smirk, feigning outrage.  Ben chuckled. It felt good to laugh.  He had to admit, some things just sounded better with an American accent.  Ben grabbed two beers and as he went to close the frig, Joe held the door open.  “Ok, this needs to be addressed.  Like. Now.”  Joe started quickly removing items from the fridge to the small counter and gathered a handful of rotten food, motioning to the garbage can, which Ben brought over.  “You travelled all this way to clean out my fridge?” Ben asked with crooked grin and a raised eyebrow.

“Aha!” Joe said.  “Takeout rice and chicken, salvageable veggies.”   I can make us a stir-fry!!  And organize your fridge.  You get two for the price of the one. Are you hungry?”

“Uh yeah, that would be great. Thanks.” Actually, Ben wasn’t sure if he was hungry.  He should be. He had toast in the morning and snacks during brief breaks at the catering tent.  His stomach was in knots most of the time, the stress he felt taking up residence there and throwing off his natural patterns.  Ben liked that Joe took charge-to help bring some order into his world, feeling his own tenuous grip  – and he was moved that Joe took steps to care for him.

“Great.  I’ll get this together in a few minutes.  You look tired? Why don’t you sit down and rest?”

 “Actually”, Ben said,” I think I’ll take a shower-if that’s ok.”  He put the beers on the kitchen table.

 “Sure, sure.”  Ben headed to the bathroom off the bedroom in the back of the flat.  Joe got to work, chopping veggies, heating up the rice and chicken, and creating a sauce. He always felt comfortable in the kitchen and loved to cook.  And there was nothing he’d rather do at this moment then take care of Ben, who was out of sorts.  His eyes didn’t have their usual sparkle and he seemed tense, down and distracted, listless almost. Clearly something was plaguing Ben and he needed to figure it out. As dinner cooked, Joe finished cleaning and organizing the fridge.

Ben came into the kitchen fresh from the shower, running a towel through his glossy hair. He was wearing fresh jeans and a sweatshirt.  Joe couldn’t stop his eyes from lingering on Ben, who literally took Joe’s breath away. Joe turned his body away from the blonde to shift his focus.  “Perfect timing.  Dinner is served,” he said in a British accent, pleased that he remembered how to breath after that brief arousal-and how to slip into a British accent.   He hastily set the table and served the meal.

Ben chuckled at Joe’s mock service. “This was nice of you.  Thanks,” he said, sitting down and throwing the towel on the table.  He rolled the food over his plate gracefully with the fork, taking a few bites to his mouth. Eager to distract the conversation away from himself, he peppered Joe with questions.  

 ““I saw the pap pictures.  Nice ending there,” he smiled.  “How are Rami and Lucy?” he asked.

“Oh, you know, nauseatingly happy and cute, can’t keep their hands off each other for a second.  And that Rami…has a million projects lined up-he sets the world on fire, he can burn brighter than the sun.” (2)  Ben nodded and raised other topics to steer the conversation: The World Cup, Brian and Roger touring with Adam-and how happy they looked.

Ben worked hard to get a few forkfuls in his mouth between the strained discussion.  The food was nourishing and tasty, lovingly prepared by Joe.  He wished he was able to appreciate it.

Joe noticed Ben’s hesitation and stared at him.  “You don’t like it? I mean, I know we’re not at the Oscars After-Party…”  

“I do, I do, I’m just…” Ben let his voice trail.  He could feel he was close to the floodgates opening.  It took every ounce of concentration to hold his emotions inside and project a light demeanor, his best acting of the day.  He desperately wanted to show his appreciation to Joe for visiting and taking care of him.  He just wanted things to be normal.  “I’m good,” Ben blurted out, “Really. Just done in by today’s taping.  His folded-up demeanor and dark eyes belied his sentiment.

Joe saw right through it.  “Well, don’t take this the wrong way, but you don’t look good.  I mean, you look sad…distraught really.  And look at this place. It’s a hell hole.  It’s not like you to live like this.  Something’s troubling you.  Please tell me what’s going on.” Joe urged.  

Ben looked down and placed his fork on the plate.  Tears gathered in his eyes. “It’s been so horrible.  The script is a mess, constant rewrites.  The director is an asshole. He keeps changing his mind and asking for retakes.  He gets frustrated when we can’t get things right immediately.  How can we? The lines keep changing!! Everyone is so frustrated and tense.  I like the cast ok, but we’ve all actually been bickering.  I hate it.  I wish I never signed on.  It’s so unlike BoRhap.  I …I”

His voice cut off and the tears started to flow down his cheeks.  Joe stood and helped Ben up.  “Come on, let’s sit on the couch,” he said, as he escorted the younger man a few steps into the living room and eased him onto the couch, sitting beside him.  Ben started to heave, his body shaking, as the last two months of pent up frustration, sadness and stress spilled out of him.

“Oh, Ben, oh, Buddy,” Joe leaned into him and hugged him, feeling Ben’s body tense up and shake with emotion finally being let loose.  Joe’s mind raced. He felt totally ill-equipped to soothe Ben.  He recalled his jealous feelings of earlier in the day and felt guilty. While he didn’t want to be replaced, he certainly didn’t want his friend to be miserable.  He felt so selfish-not thinking of what was going on with Ben that led him to be distant.

Joe felt panicked about how to be in the moment with Ben. He took a deep breath and rubbed Ben’s back. He faced him and looked into his eyes, ran his fingers though his hair and then put both of his arms on the younger man’s shoulders.  “Hey. Listen to me.  I know you’re overwrought.  But you can do this. You’re a great actor.  You can’t take all the crap personally.  Whatever they expect-It’s inside of you-you’ll tap into it.  Then you’ll get to the other side of it.”  He brought him in for a close hug, as Ben whimpered.  “It’s ok.  You’ll be ok,” Joe soothed.  Ben stayed in Joe’s arms, letting his friend take on his emotions.

“I feel so badly you have been suffering.  I should have reached out more…” Joe mumbled.

“I didn’t either. I couldn’t.” Ben said. “I felt like a failure. I guess I wanted you to think I was in control.  That I was a professional and could handle anything.”

“You are - and you can.”  Joe replied without missing a beat.

“I wanted to keep the image going. That I’m this leading actor who has it all together.   When in fact, it is all so close to falling apart-and has been for awhile.”  Ben added.

“You don’t have to keep up an image with me.  Look, I know you can do this-you are so talented and you have such a broad bandwidth. This is not an easy career, we’ve chosen.  People see the photo shoots and the bloopers, the interviews and the red carpet.  It looks so easy when they’re in the theater stuffing their faces with popcorn.  We know it requires the constant firing of every synapse in our bodies through grueling days, weaving so much detail together on the spot, and adjusting to constant changes-set, wardrobe, spacing, lines. Plus, we have to tap into the deepest emotional parts of ourselves and our characters constantly.  Remember: We had challenges on BoRhap.  Sure now, we remember the glory and the fun – but there were tough times and we got through them.” Joe said.

 Joe stopped talking.  Ben nodded into his neck. He felt Ben heard him. His crying softened.  Joe held him tightly and Ben leaned into Joe between his legs, wrapping his arms around Joe.  And with that embrace, the rest of the world fell away for Joe-the trip, his agent, his family, his next projects, his home.  All of it just faded out of focus.  None of it mattered.  Only Ben mattered.

Ben pulled away, taking a deep breath that coiled through his body.  “I’m sorry.  I know this isn’t what you signed up for when you thought ‘Great, let me visit Ben in Belfast as part of my European holiday.’ You didn’t think you’d find a blubbering, wrecked mess.”  He wiped his nose on his sleeve.

Joe gazed at him.  “I just wanted to be with you.” Ben’s swallowed deeply. Joe continued,  “I feel like I’m always planning, trying to map out every part of my life.  I’m always on my way to something new. But it doesn't matter, cause no matter where I go, every road just seems to lead me back to you.  You’re the one I still want beside me.” (3)

They’re eyes locked, as they held each other’s arms.

Suddenly,  Ben’s phone pinged and he broke from Joe to grab it off the kitchen table. “I have to be on set tomorrow at 11:00 a.m.”

“Good,” Said Joe.  “You can sleep in.” Joe stood up  “It’s late.  We should hit the hay. I can just set up camp here.” He said, as he moved a tattered throw pillow to the arm of the couch.

“No,” Ben said, “Share the bed with me.  Come on, you did it with Cardy B.  Don’t make me jealous.”

They both laughed and moved to the back of the flat.

Joe cleaned up in the kitchen while Ben did his evening ablutions and got into bed. Joe grabbed his bag from the living room, prepared for bed and joined him soon after.

“Goodnight, Ben.  Sleep well.”  Joe said, as he settled into the soft bed and pillow.

 Ben turned to look at Joe.  “Goodnight, Joe. And thanks. Thanks for listening and calming me down.  And for helping me focus.  You have no idea how much it helped. I’m going to remember what you said.   I feel like I might finally get a real night’s sleep. Finally.”

Joe smiled.  “Of course.  Glad I could help.” He thought about the advice he gave to Ben and realized it could apply to him too.  He has it in him to deal with whatever happens-and he’ll get to the other side of it too.  

They drifted off to sleep.  Joe awoke in the middle of night, aware of movement beside him. Ben was rolling a bit and mumbling to himself.  “Get to the other side….”

“You ok, Ben?”  Joe asked him softy.

Ben didn’t respond, clearly asleep. Suddenly he rolled toward Joe and put his arm around him and spooned into him.  “I love you.” Ben mumbled.

Joe leaned back against him.  “And I.love.you.back.” he whispered.

SONG NOTES

(1)   Days of Our Lives, Queen

(2)   We are Young, Janelle Monáe

(3)   Every Road Leads Back to You, Bette Midler

[cilldaracailin]

A Kind Of Magic

So sorry for not updating this. I have been back to work and writing the next stories in the series. I will post the last two updates to this one tonight. Thank so much for all the love. Hope you enjoyed it :)

24

“In some rare cases, a friendship between two people benefits both of them, and what’s more, in some rarer cases, it benefits both of them equally.”

“So, are we dressing up tonight?” Asked Robyn as she sat with Taron at lunch at the island on Friday.

“Yes of course.”

“Ok, let me re-phrase ‘cos I have a feeling that our definitions of dressing up are very different. So are we going like suit and tie and fancy fancy dress or smart casual and fancy dress?”

Taron chuckled. “Robyn do you own a fancy fancy dress?” He asked.

“Erm no. I am sure my dress from my secondary school dance is in the attic somewhere but it more than likely doesn’t fit.”

“Ok let’s start again. The restaurant. How fancy?”

“Not very. Just a normal restaurant.”

“Ok so smart casual? Shirt and jacket?” He asked.

“Sounds fine to me. I shall find a normal dress.”

“Not a fancy fancy dress? You could wear your pants suit.” Suggested Taron.

“Yeah it’s not that kind of restaurant. I have a little black dress somewhere I can pull out.” Taron whistled. “Shut up you.” She put her plate in the sink. “I going back to work.” She said as she walked past him. “See you later?”

“Yep for our date.”

“Our friendship date.” She corrected as she picked up her keys, phone and purse, walking out of the house to the sound of laughter.

She arrived home to see Taron at the piano. “Whatcha doing?” She asked as she took a seat beside him.

“Nothing. Just messing around.”

“Want to learn a quick song?” She asked. “You already know it.”

“I do.”

“And you have played it on guitar already.”

“And we are back to Johnny Gorilla.” He grinned. “But yeah I’d love to.”

“So same as the chords on the guitar. A minor, F and C.” Robyn played the chords for him at the lower bass notes, letting him have the middle of the piano keys.

“Go again?” He asked.

She played the first chord, Taron copying her and then the next two. “Same three chords over and over.”

“Until the ‘darlin’ in the chorus. That’s different right?”

“So you do listen to me.” She said.

“Of course I listen to you. I always listen to you. What’s the chord?”

“A G.” She said and played it for him, listening as he played the first three chords over and over. “You got it. Now you just have to sing and as you get used to it, you can add your left hand in with a single note or two or three from the same chord as you go.”

“Will you left hand for me for the time being?”

“Of course. I will play right down here and you can take the middle and once comfortable just add the left hand in.”

It took Taron a few minutes to get happy with his rhythm but once he got there, he started to sing but Robyn stopped him. “Wait.” She got up from the stool and walked to pick up her phone. She placed it on top of the piano just as Taron had, making sure it was set to video with the two of them in the frame. “Ok. All yours.” She said as she sat back down. “Wave at the camera Taron.” She grinned as he did so. “Taron and I, playing piano take two.”

“And probably not in one take.” He added as he played the first chord.

It took them three takes to get the song from start to finish and Taron smiled with accomplishment when he was done, giving Robyn a sideways hug. She reached up and stopped the video. “You are good teacher.”

“Nah, I gave you a song you knew and you already have the basics and it had four chords.”

“So, you gave me the easiest song you could so I wouldn’t feel bad if I failed.”

“No, I gave you the chords I knew you could play and a song you could learn from start to finish and sing perfectly. I would never set you up to fail.”

Taron smiled her way. “I know Robyn. Thank you for teaching me something I can play.”

“You are very welcome. Now do you mind if I take the shower first?” She asked as she stood up.

“Not at all.”

“Let’s aim to leave at seventy-forty?” She suggested as she kicked off her converse. “That will give us time to drive in and park.”

“Sounds good to me.”

She walked into the bedroom and closed the door behind her, hearing Taron playing the piano again. Making her way into the closet, she pulled out her favourite black dress, her one of two black dresses that she owned and dropped it on her bed. It mightn’t have been a conventional date, but it didn’t mean she wasn’t going to make an effort for their last night together. She was going to send Taron home with a bang, celebrating what had been a wonderful two weeks together. Even though she was dreading tomorrow and deep inside was laden with sadness, tonight she knew they were going to eat, laugh and get as many hugs as possible in.

Once showered, she threw a dressing gown on and dried her hair straight, her normal go to style. Grabbing an empty make up bag from one of her shelves, she walked to the make-up table and threw in what she needed. It wasn’t something she wore a lot but with the special occasion planned for the evening, she wanted to add at least a bit of shade to her eyes and a colour to her lips. She grabbed what make up brushes she would need and an eye shadow palate and opened the door to the bathroom, Taron still sitting at the piano.

“All yours.” She called to him as she took a seat at the breakfast bar.

“This your chosen outfit for dinner?” He asked as he stood beside her.

“Did you know that blue dressing gowns with a dolphin on the back are all the rage in Paris?” She replied as she walked past him and back into the bedroom. Taron following her, noticing her choice of outfit laid out on the bed. She left him the bedroom to walk into the closet to pick up her plug in mirror so she could do her make up by lighted mirror in the kitchen, leaving Taron the bedroom for himself. All she would have to do then would get dressed and it wouldn’t take her long. Before she left the closet, she also grabbed a small bag of hair pins and clear plastic bobbins, deciding she would do something else with her hair. She walked into the bedroom and Taron had pulled his duffle up onto the bag and was routing through it for something to wear. “I will leave you to it then.”

“Can I borrow your fancy French dressing gown if I can’t find something to wear?” He asked as he pulled a white shirt from his bag.

“Sure, why not. I can go to dinner in my nudey nudes.” She laughed as she walked out and closed the door behind her, making her way back to the stool at the breakfast bar. She plugged in the mirror and upended the make-up bag onto the counter.

She quickly plaited two braids either side of her head and pulled them out so they were big, loose and a bit messy and pinned them at the back of her head, tucking the ends in and pulling some strands out so they framed her face. Plaits were her trademark style when she wasn’t keeping guests entertained and had the time in the morning to do them and was happy with the change of hairstyle for her evening out.

Make up was just not her go to thing, Robyn never really bothering unless it was for a reason and even for that reason, her looks were natural. She turned her mirror on and rubbed in some make up primer before picking up a foundation brush and bottle.

After Robyn had closed the bedroom door, Taron held up his shirt and frowned. “That is going to need an iron.” He said. He had yet to wear the white shirt and he hadn’t hung it up either and after being left in his bag for two weeks it was completely creased. He really hadn’t thought he would be needing clothes for dinner but thankfully had also thrown in a dark blue suit jacket just in case he would need it and turned out he would. He dragged it from the bag, deciding it was going to need an iron too. He had been happy to wear his shorts and t-shirts for his first week with Robyn, the weather beautiful and the second week that typical Irish weather he had been expecting appeared and he lounged around Robyn’s in his jeans and t-shirts throwing on the one hoodie he had or a button down shirt when it got too cold. With nearly all of his clothes out of his duffle now, he could see the one other pair of shoes he had. A pair of black boots. Another just in case he had thrown into his duffle at the last minute before he left for the airport in New York. He was going to pull a decent outfit together with his boots, white shirt, dark blue jacket and his black jeans.

Pull his green t-shirt over his head, he dropped it into his bag and sauntered into the bathroom. He was going to miss her rainfall shower and as he stood under the fall of the water he relished in the beat of the droplets on his back. Washing his hair with Robyn’s shampoo for the last time, happy to see the glitter ruined body wash had been long binned, he took one more minute before stepping out and wrapping himself up in another towel Robyn had left for him on the towel warmer. He decided he was going to shave and found it easier this time as the right side of his face healed quicker than his ribs and once he was done he smiled sadly in the large mirror. He made his happy and sad faces like when he was in Rocketman and shook his head. “Get a grip Taron. Not the time for this.”

He strolled back into the bedroom, Robyn’s dress still on the bed beside his wrinkled shirt and jacket. He quickly dried off and dressed his lower half and picking up his creased clothes, walked out into the kitchen.

“Hey do you have an iron and ironing board?” He asked and when she looked up from the mirror, he couldn’t help the smile he gave, as he took in her light smokey eyes, making their blue colour pop more and barely there lip colour.

“Yes I do and what is that smile for.”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing?” She asked as she stood up and walked into closet at the door, lifting out her ironing board, Taron helping her set it up. She went back in and brought out the iron and set it up on the breakfast bar, plugging out her mirror and the iron in. “What’s the smile for?” She asked again.

“Just ‘cos. I like your hair.” He said.

“Changing it up.” She answered as she stood beside him. “You shaved again.” She said.

“Might as well. On a break, I can get lazy and not bother but tonight is a special occasion so I made an effort.”

“Efforts being made all round then.” She agreed. “Your side still looks so sore Taron.” She commented as her eyes wandered down to his ribs.

“Still is.” He answered honestly. “It will take more than two weeks for these bruises to disappear.”

“I never gave you that arnica gel, did I?” She asked him. She strolled away from him and into the bathroom, opening the cabinet and routing for her tube of arnica gel. Finally finding it, she brought it out to him. “Better late than never right?” She said handing it to him. “You can take it with you and…” Robyn walked into the kitchen and opened the press to the left of the fridge and took out another tube. “Doctor Keane gave this to me for my shoulders in the hospital to help take the sting off the pain from the sunburn.” She handed him the other tube. “Mix the two together and it will give you a little more relief.”

“You sure I can take these?”

“I don’t need them.” She answered. “It will help.”

“Might as well start now then.” He placed the medicated pain relief rub onto to the breakfast bar and opened the arnica gel and squeezed some onto this right hand. He awkwardly unscrewed the other tube and added some of the clear gel to the other and went straight for his ribs, rubbing the ointment into his skin, the cooling sensation from the pain relief sending wonderful shivers down his spine. “Would you mind getting my back. Can’t reach there.” Without an answer Robyn walked behind him and spread the gel from his side around to his back, being very gentle with her movements, enjoying the happy sigh he gave. “This stuff is good.” He said as Robyn walked into the kitchen to wash her hands.

“Not a miracle cure but definitely takes the edge off.” She heard the iron beep. “And that is ready for you.”

“Great thank you.” He walked into the kitchen to wash his hands at the sink while Robyn took her seat again, picking up her bronzer and brush. “I might just take a bath in it.” He laughed as he walked back to the ironing board.

“It’s a medicated rub Taron. You can only use it three times a day.”

“Spoil my fun.”

“No trying to keep you alive.” She answered back smiling.

“Already done that Robyn.” Taron set his white shirt out on the ironing board and picking up the iron started to iron all the creases out on the front and sleeves before moving to the back. “Stop staring at me Robyn.” He said as he took a look to her.

“You are good at that ironing thing.”

“I know I have a stylist for my events but my mam made sure I knew how to iron a shirt. The suit jacket however, I am not too sure of.”

“Exactly the same as a shirt but…” Robyn stood up and walked around him to the laundry room. She came back with a white square cloth handkerchief. “Just place this on the material before you iron it so it doesn’t cause any heat damage.”

“Thank you very much.”

“No worries. I am going to go and get dressed.”

She walked into the bedroom and closed the door. The time was coming close to seven twenty and they had twenty minutes left before they had to leave. She stripped off the dressing gown and after spraying some body spray and perfume, pulled on her dress. It was one of her favourites and had her go to skater style as she knew it flattered her figure. The scalloped round neck wasn’t too low and the three-quarter length sleeves took away the need for a cardigan and the length was just above her knee. She heard a knock on the door. “Come on in Taron.” She called and he walked in with a grin.

“All crease free.” He had already put his shirt on and buttoned it up, leaving the top three buttons open and tucked it into his jeans. “I plugged the iron out and put the board away.”

“You didn’t have to do that.”

“But I did and have done. You look fabulous.” He smiled. “Little black dress right?”

“Of course. Just need some shoes.” She walked away from him and into her closet and picked her high heeled ankle boots, slipping her feet into them and zipping them up. She walked a little higher with her heels and into the bedroom where Taron had put his jacket on. “Hello handsome.” She grinned at him.

“And we match heights again. Heels? Thought you hated them.”

“Well I don’t think I can wear converse with this dress.” She stopped and thought again. “Actually, no that’s a lie. I have worn converse with this dress but for dinner, no. Going all out.”

“You look beautiful.” Taron stepped over and kissed her cheek. “I am excited for our dinner.”

“Thank you and you don’t scrub up too bad yourself.” She repaid the compliment. “And I very much looking forward to it too. Let me grab a bag and we’re good to go?”

“Sure.” While Robyn sorted her bag out, he walked into the bathroom and opening his washbag, pulled out some hair gel. He quickly gelled his hair back a little. He was still very conscious of the yellowing bruises on his forehead and the thin red gash with the single steri-strip but he was wasn’t as bothered about being noticed as he had been when he first arrived. He washed his hands before taking out his aftershave and patting some on. It had been a long time since he had been on a date, whether it was a friendship date or not and he could feel little nerves running around his stomach but it made him smile. He knew that his heart did a dance when he saw Robyn in another gorgeous outfit but he still agreed with her on the fact that they were friends and always would be. As much as Robyn wasn’t willing to risk their friendship, he had absolutely no intention of letting her go and would do nothing to destroy their bond. He took his feelings and didn’t bury them but accepted that the love between two friends could be just as strong as the love found between a couple.

“You checking out your appearance? Let me tell you, it’s a nice one.” She walked up behind him with a smile on her face.

“You sure you don’t want to walk a red carpet with me Robyn? We could work this look together.”

She chuckled. “Never going to happen. You ready to go?”

“Yeah all done.” He quickly tidied away his washbag and followed her out to the kitchen.

Robyn grabbed a leather jacket from her closed and pulled it on, Taron helping with the right sleeve. “It feels strange going out for dinner.” He said as they got into the car and Robyn drove them out of her drive. “I mean we have spent the last two weeks taking turns cooking.”

“This place does really good food Taron. You will enjoy it.”

“Don’t you know me well enough by now that I will eat anything and everything. I am sure I can find something I like.”

Music filled the car along with singing as they made their way to dinner and once Robyn had parked the car, Taron was enjoying his visit to a new town, looking around as she guided him towards the restaurant.

“Mayburn is much bigger than Kilcreen.” He said as they walked with their arms linked.

“It’s a college town. There’s a big university here so it needs to cater for all the students. Before that supermarket that you love so much was built in Kilcreen, I would come here to shop and this is the town I got the pizza from the other night.” She walked him down a small side street and then took a right down some steps into the entrance of the restaurant.

“This is a nice little place.” Commented Taron as he opened the door for her.

“Thanks. It’s big inside and its popular. You did good to get a table on a Friday night.”

“I didn’t do anything special or name drop before you ask.” He said as he walked up the reception desk. “I just asked to book a table for two and they had one.” He looked to the lady at the desk. “Hello. I have a table booked for two please.”

“And the name?”

“Taron Egerton.” He answered.

“Ok have you here.” The hostess took two menus from beside her book. “If would follow me please.”

Taron motioned for Robyn to go first and followed her, enjoying how the restaurant was designed with tables set along walls but also in cubbies and little booths, using all the space they had, most tables already full with customers. The hostess stopped at a table tucked away in a little alcove in the middle of the restaurant.

“And here we are.” The hostess placed their menus down in-between the cutlery.

“That’s great, thanks so much.” Said Robyn.

“You waiter will be over soon.”

The hostess left and Robyn turned to Taron. “You want the inside or outside seat?” She asked him.

“I will take the outside.” He said but he walked over to Robyn’s chair and pulled it out for her.

“Seriously?” She asked.

“Yes. First impressions are the best.” Smiled Taron as he pushed her chair in as she sat down, taking his own seat opposite her.

“I don’t think we should really use our first impressions of each other.” Robyn slid her jacket off and picked up the menu.

“I have the best first impression of you.” Taron picked up his menu. “This woman who was doing her finest to get herself killed.”

Robyn smiled. “Well I can’t argue with you on that.”

“You just went straight up to Frankie and lowered his arm with the gun and then you back chatted him.”

Robyn chuckled. “Aww the memories.”

“What was your first impression of me?” He asked his stomach rumbling as he read through the menu, wondering what on earth he was going to choose when everything looked good.

“Honestly?” She asked. “In my mind I was going ‘Jesus that’s Taron fucking Egerton in front of me’ and then ‘Fuck I have just touched his hand!’”

“Did you fan girl on me?” He asked looking up at her, a huge smirk on his face.

“A little. I was completely taken by surprise and by Richard too. Not who I was expecting.”

Their waiter walked over to their table. “Can I get you both something to drink?”

“I am driving so I will just take a diet coke.” Said Robyn.

“I’ll have the same.” Taron was still taking his pain killers and knew better than to mix medication and alcohol.

“No worries at all. I will be right back with those.”

Taron grinned as his eyes scanned the menu. “You totally fan girled on me. I don’t think I know you any more Robyn.”

She laughed. “Only for the one moment though. After that you were just Taron to me, who desperately needed some help.”

“You were just Robyn to me, Robyn who did nothing but keep me alive.” He reached over and took her hand. “I still love you even with the fangirling.” He winked and went back to his menu. “So, what are you going to have.”

Robyn scanned the menu. “Probably the soup and salad.”

“Soup and salad? Soup and salad?” He said again. “Seriously?”

“What’s wrong with that?” She asked. “What are you going to have then?”

“This steak on the stone sounds very interesting and a bit more filling then soup and salad.”

“But you need to make room for dessert.” She countered.

“I always have room for dessert.” He replied back to her.

The waiter arrived back with their drinks and once he had placed them on the table along with a jug of water, asked if they were ready to order.

“I will have the soup of the day and your caeser salad with chicken for the main please.” Asked Robyn raising an eyebrow Taron’s way.

“And I am going to have your brie for starters and the steak on the stone.”

“Ok great. Thank you very much.” The waiter took their menus and walked away from them with their orders.

“Well Robyn without getting too emotional and being an entire sentimental wuss but, I am very glad you happened to be in that 7/11 at the same time of me and were willing to let a complete stranger share your home with you for the last two weeks and even tolerate glitter in your body wash. Once again, I will say it but I will never be able to repay you for what you did for me. So, cheers.” He held his glass up to Robyn.

“Thank you for trusting me and being a wonderful house guest and helping me along the way, naming cwtch and giving the best squishy hugs ever. Sláinte.” She said.

“Sláinte,” He repeated and clicked her glass. “Iechyd da.” He then said in Welsh.

“Iechyd da.” Robyn said, giving him a wink and the clicked again.

Even though they were out for dinner, their jokes, laughter and making fun of each other continued as normal and as Taron’s main course arrived his eyes lit up like a child’s on Christmas morning.

“Please be careful with the plate, it is extremely hot.”

“Of course, thank you.”

“And your salad.”

“Thank you.”

As the waiter walked away, Taron squished his nose up towards Robyn’s chicken salad. “So, are you feeling jealous right now?” He asked her as placed a slice of his steak onto the hot plate, the sizzle making his grin grow.

“Not in the slightest.” She said. “You probably have noticed that I am not a huge red meat eater.”

“Something I did see in our dinner choices.” Taron flipped his piece of steak over.

“Just not a fan at all.”

“Me like meat.” He replied as he put two more pieces of steak on the plate. “Meat good.”

“You’re so weird.” She said taking a bit of her dinner.

“But yet you let me stay with you.” He said taking a bite of his dinner, making yummy noises as he chewed.

“Well I wasn’t going to leave you out on the street.”

Taron enjoyed every piece of his dinner and Robyn watched with great interest as he used one her pieces of bread that came with her salad to wipe up the remainder of his dinner with his fork. “This was delicious. The food here is amazing.”

“I knew you would enjoy it.”

“Stuffed though.”

“I knew that too.” Grinned Robyn as she took a sip of water. Having dinner with him had been a most enjoyable experience and it warmed her heart to see him so comfortable in his surroundings and not worry about any of the other diners around him.

Their waiter walked back over to them. “Can I take your plates? Are you finished?”

“All done thank you.” Said Robyn.

“It was beautiful.” Agreed Taron.

“Can I get you a dessert menu?”

“Yes please.” Said Robyn immediately. “Always room for dessert.” She looked to Taron.

“And you sir?”

He hesitated but agreed to take one. “You are wise Miss Quinn. Leaving room for dessert. Salad and soup. It makes so much more sense now. I shouldn’t have eaten half a cow.”

Robyn chuckled and the waiter came back with the menus for them. “I will give you a few minutes to pick something but I can recommend the warm apple crumble.”

“Thanks very much.” Said Robyn as she picked up the menu.

“We don’t need no apple crumble.” Taron picked up his menu. “We can make our own. From scratch.” He added.

“That we can.”

“And rainbow surprise cake. Don’t see that on the menu here.”

“No but the chocolate cake looks very tempting.”

“Ugh Robyn I am so full. You should have mentioned the desserts.”

“It’s a pretty typical restaurant thing Taron, desserts.”

“I know but that main was so delicious.”

The waiter came back over. “So, have we picked anything?”

“I will take a slice of the chocolate cake but don’t heat it up, if that’s ok.”

“No problem at all and would you like ice cream with it?”

“Yes please.”

“And you sir?”

“I will skip the dessert but could I have a cappuccino please?”

“Sure.” The waiter took their menus.

“Can I get two spoons with the cake please?” Asked Robyn.

“Yeah of course.” The waiter walked away from them.

“You know me so well.”

“As soon as that cake arrives, I know you will want some so I will share.”

“You are too good to me.”

“And don’t you forget it.” Robyn smiled at him as he grinned back and this time she reached for his hand. “I know tomorrow is going to be shit hard for us and I am more than likely not going to be able to say a lot but I just want to…”

“Robyn…”

“No, I seriously won’t be able to say a lot tomorrow so just let me say it now. I do not regret one thing that I did for you in the 7/11 and I know that it will be hard for us to have to go our separate ways tomorrow but I am so glad that you have stumbled into my life and these last two weeks have been the best and I have enjoyed every minute of our time together and getting to know you, singing with you, watching you sleep, have a random tea party in my sitting room and even the fucking glitter. You are without a doubt one my best friends and I will always be here for you whenever you need a chat, pep talk, sing along or just to say hello. You think that I have done a lot for you, well you have been just as important for me. I really don’t think I would have survived the nightmares without you. I have learnt from you how important it is to talk and open up and not to be afraid to do so and worry about sharing your emotions and feelings and at the end of the day your friends are there to support you. As much as I have been a rock for you, you have been just as strong for me and the emotional support from you as well as the laughter, jokes and everything else has been amazing. I can’t remember the last time I laughed so hard every day and the singing? Etched in memories for ever.”

Without a reply, Taron stood up from his chair and walked around to Robyn and hunching down, wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tightly against him, so glad that she squeezed him just as tightly back. He didn’t care that they were in the middle of dinner. It was a hug both needed and he was happy to oblige, deepening the hug with a further squeeze.

“Oh, I can come back with these.” The waiter walked over to their table with her cake and Taron’s coffee.

Robyn looked up from Taron’s shoulder. “You can leave them on the table if that’s ok.”

“Yeah sure.” He said giving her a small smile. “Cake and two spoons.”

“Thank you.” As the waiter walked away, she gave Taron’s back a soothing rub up and down. “Want some cake?”

“Two more minutes.”

“I am going to miss the two more minutes thing as well.”

“I am dreading tomorrow Robyn.” He whispered. “I know how much I have leaned on you and yes I know I have my family and friends but you just know what I have been through and it’s easy to talk to you. I love laughing with you and your stories, your baking and so glad we haven’t had our sing off. Thank you so much for looking after me in every way possible and making me smile till my cheeks hurt and letting me snoop so much. Leaving will be hard but I have told myself, I would rather have had all this time with you rather than not having any at all and you owe my mam and me a visit and I will definitely be taking you up on your offer of your couch when I need it and who knows, maybe I can convince you to come with me to a movie premier.”

“I don’t own a fancy fancy dress.” She said into his neck, breathing the scent of his aftershave, enjoying how he chuckled.

“Easy to get a fancy fancy dress Robyn.”

“I do own some chocolate cake though. Want some?”

Taron hugged her tight again and left her go. “Please and I think that waiter thinks we got engaged.” He said to her, enjoying how Robyn laughed at his words.

“Why?”

“Well he came back and we were hugging each other and I am one knee.”

“Should we ring Lyndsey?” She asked as Taron went back to his chair. “Maybe prepare her?”

“I think we might be safe.”

“You sure?” She asked as she handed him a spoon and pushed the cake into the middle of the table.

“Yeah I am sure. Let’s take it one step at a time. We will keep with you saving my life before we get onto the big stuff.”

She smiled at him. “Let’s save it for our next announcement.” She said taking some cake with her spoon as Taron stirred some sugar into his coffee.

“Agreed.”

They shared the slice of cake between them, Taron letting her take the last piece but she ate half and handed him her spoon so he could have the very last bite, a cheeky little grin on his face as he ate it.

“Thanks for knowing I would want dessert.” He said as he put the spoon on the plate.

“Any time. Thank you for asking me to dinner.”

“Thank you for coming.”

The waiter walked back over with a large grin on his face. “So, do I get to say congratulations?” He asked.

Taron grinned at Robyn. “Not for the reasons you might think. Just two friends having a nice dinner together.” Taron watched a slight red fill the waiter’s cheeks. “I will take your congratulations though. She deserves every bit of it.”

The waiter smiled Robyn’s way while she blushed and gently kicked Taron under the table. “I will take your plates if you are finished with them.”

“Yes thank you.” Replied Taron. “The whole meal was delicious.”

“I shall pass on your compliments. Have a lovely evening.”

Robyn stared at Taron as he watched the waiter walk away. “Irish people don’t take compliments well Taron.”

“I have noticed that. You definitely don’t take a compliment at all.”

“Like I said, it’s an Irish thing.”

“Or maybe it’s just a Robyn thing. I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t believe it.”

“Did the waiter just tell us to have a lovely evening?” She asked after she drank the last of her water.

“And you are also very good at avoiding subjects and yes I do believe he did.”

“But we need to ask for the bill.” She titled her head as Taron’s eyes looked to the table. “You have already paid for dinner, haven’t you?” She asked.

Taron looked up her slowly. “Might have.”

“I have been with you the whole time we have been sitting here.”

“I can’t give away all my secrets Robyn.” He said winking at her.

“Taron you can’t pay for dinner. Let me split it with you.” She went to pick up her bag but he stopped her.

“No Robyn. I asked you out for dinner. I know you are an extremely independent woman but let me do the chivalrous thing and pay for our meal.”

Dropping her bag, Robyn agreed. “Thank you so much Taron.”

“Any time.”

They thanked the waiter and hostess on the way out of the restaurant, Taron opening the door for Robyn again and they walked back to the car. They had decided over dinner that before they went back to Robyn’s home, they would call into her parents so Taron could say goodbye.

“Will you have some tea?” Asked Lizzie as they stood in the kitchen.

“Next time I come back to visit.” Said Taron. “We have just had been out for dinner.”

“That explains the fancy outfits.”

Taron looked at Robyn and smiled. “Now I know where you get it from. Fancy outfits?”

“Mam we just came over for Taron to say goodbye. He is going home tomorrow morning.”

Lizzie stopped in the middle of lifting a cup down from the press. “Tomorrow?” She asked her hand still frozen in the air.

“Yeah. If I stay with Robyn any longer, I will have to pay rent.” He laughed. “And my own mother might come and get me if I don’t return home.”

“Oh right.”

“I will be coming back to see her and my mam has invited Robyn to come and visit us and my little sisters are counting on some Elsa plaits and if I can convince her, maybe a future movie premier.” He said.

“Well Taron, it has been wonderful getting to know you.” Lizzie stepped over and gave him a hug. “You have been a breath of fresh air around here and I know I have enjoyed your company when we had it.” She then whispered. “Thank you for making my daughter smile and laugh. I have seen my happy go lucky daughter come back to me.”

“What are you whispering to him?” Asked Robyn as she watched the hug last a bit longer than normal.

“Just inviting him back. I never got to show him your baby photos.”

“What it is about mothers and baby photos.” Sighed Robyn as her mam let Taron go, giving his hands a squeeze.

“I actually don’t have any more words for you Lizzie. Robyn will always have a very special place in my heart.” He blinked a few times, not realising how emotional it was going to be saying goodbye to her family. Reality was catching up to him quickly and he felt Robyn place her hand over his.

“Thank you for your kind words Taron and next time you come for a visit, please come over. I have albums and albums of photos for you to look through.”

Light laughter filled the air. “I will look forward to it.”

With another hug, the two left the house and walked back to Robyn’s. She had parked in her drive and they had strolled over to her childhood home and slowly walked back to her apartment, Robyn with her right arm wrapped tight around his waist. They didn’t speak as she opened the door and turned off the alarm, Taron going straight to the corner of the couch to sit down, Robyn sitting right beside him, her head falling to his shoulder, still with her jacket on.

Taron rested his cheek on her head and both took a long sad sigh. Robyn reached down to take his left hand in her right and linked their fingers, his hand as warm as always. Taron lifted their linked hands and placed the back of her hand against the material of his shirt over his heart.

“Still beating Robyn.” He said into her hair. He felt her unhook their fingers and place her hand flat against his chest.

“Just double checking.” She replied.

Taron placed a kiss on her hair and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. Neither had anything to say, not that words were needed between them but both were fully aware that if they tried to speak, it wouldn’t be words between them, but tears.

[wildlyplanted]

Part 1 of 3: “The Paris of Eastern Europe” – Budapest | Prague | Berlin Travels

Hello! Grab yourself a cup of coffee or tea and if you fancy, a treat too. I hope you enjoy this blog post (the first in a three-part series) about my trip to Budapest, Prague and Berlin. In the series, I share my hosteling and general overall experience in all three cities, the challenges, randomness and realizations I came to along the way of this splendid journey.

Hosteling. Anyone who truly knows me, knows that me, staying in hostels, means I have come a long, long way. During my recent trip to Budapest, Prague and Berlin, this past February, my travel buddy and I opted for the hostel life.

After staying in a hostel for the very first time, while traveling solo around Ecuador in 2017, my fears melted away and I understood the many benefits of hostel life, especially for those traveling alone and for extended periods of time.

Here are my top 5 reasons to hostel: 

The PRICE! Hostels are cheap, leaving extra cash to spend on excursions, day trips, and experiences that interest you. Also, you can have that nice dinner and evenings out on the town while staying in or under budget.

It puts you among fellow travelers. You can get great tips and the low down on where to explore, especially off the beaten path. Additionally, they can offer tips for one or more of your next destinations because some may have already visited where you're going.

A number of hostels offer free walking tours, their staff are highly knowledgeable and usually have time to provide you with extensive information on things like public transport, touristy areas to avoid when wanting to dine or shop, and they can point you to more authentic experiences.

You can socialize with people from different countries and backgrounds without having to seek it out.

You can team up with other travelers for day trips outside the city or to another city or region. While staying in Quito I joined 5 others on a day trip to Mindo Valley and I am so grateful I had this opportunity; I know I would not have visited that gorgeous region if I hadn't been staying in a hostel.

With all of that said, I must point out that however great the benefits of hosteling can be, it's not for every destination, and it must make sense depending on where you’re traveling and why. For these three cities, it made sense because my friend and I wanted to be among other travelers. This leads me to where I stayed; which first begins with an unplanned overnight in Berlin.

That morning, Feb 20th, it began to snow and our evening flight (Newark to Berlin) was delayed, by more than 5 hours! We had a connecting flight to Budapest two hours after our scheduled landing in Berlin, and needless to say, we knew we would not be in Budapest by the next afternoon, as planned. We landed in Berlin, late afternoon, to ultimately discover that we would not be making it to Budapest at all that day.

Our Budapest hostel was more than accommodating and moved our check-in and check-out dates. This is another great thing about hostels. As long as they are not fully booked, they are super flexible to change around your arrival and departure dates, even lengthen or shorten your stay, with no hassle or added fees. More on Budapest in a moment.

Once we agreed to stay the night in Berlin, we checked Hostelworld for the cheapest hostel within city limits. I learned during my travels in Ecuador that the price is not an indicator of what the hostel will be like—additionally, Hostelworld breaks down how travelers rated things like cleanliness, atmosphere, location, etc.

The cheapest hostel I stayed in, during my Ecuador travels, was my best experience, so, I was not surprised when our choice, PLUS Berlin, turned out to be great!

They had thousands of reviews, a great rating and we liked what we saw in the photos. We did not book or make a reservation; we saw that they still had a decent amount of available beds, so we just headed there. If you want to be on the safe side, you can always call or email the hostel and let them know you’re on your way and how many beds you need. I feel like most hostels would be fine with same day reservations without asking for payment until you arrive.

PLUS Berlin is located in east Berlin’s Friedrichshain neighborhood, a short walk from the Warschauer StraBe (Street) S-baun stop. From TXL airport we took the airport bus (TXL) to Hauptbahnof station (Central Station) and from there we took the S-baun to Warschauer StraBe station.

*Tip: If you have a suitcase don’t take the short-cut down the stairs. Take the walk along the wall and make a left under the bridge and then another immediate left (or take the 2nd set of stairs leaving you closest to the hostel). Our suitcases were light and small, so we were ok to carry them over the cobblestone until we reached smoother ground.

PLUS Berlin has an artsy, cool vibe. It matches the neighborhood and attracts guests with those similar qualities. We stayed in a 6-bed mixed gender dorm with an en-suite separate bathroom and separate shower room.

The atmosphere is relaxed and social. The lobby area is large, yet comfortable, and the building looks like it used to be some sort of campus at one time. The front desk is staffed 24 hours. Also, they have a restaurant and bar on premises, and get this, they have a pool and sauna (which unfortunate for us, they were closed by the time we returned from dinner).

We got to check out a bit of the neighborhood while looking for a restaurant to have dinner in, and I couldn’t be more excited about returning to Berlin, in the future, to see more. The best part about our unplanned stay was how nicely we connected with two of our roommates. The conversation about our travel plans, and about life in general was wonderful. For me, that human connection, however brief, is the best part of traveling and something money can’t buy.

PLUS Berlin is a thumbs up, and I plan to stay here on my next trip to Berlin.

Finally, we made it to Budapest the next day, where we stayed at Hostel One Basilica. Getting there from the airport was very easy. We took the 100E bus to Deak Frenec stop and walked a block to our hostel. I booked our stay here through Hostelworld a couple of weeks before our trip, but I could have also booked directly with the hostel.

The location is very central, across the street from Budapest Eye, and we were able to easily walk to other areas of the city. The hostel is housed within a large courtyard apartment building where they have an entire floor. There are tons of eateries and bars nearby which came in handy for our first night there.

Hostel One Basilica is a very social hostel, but it’s not noisy. They have created a very friendly environment that starts with the staff. Everyone said hello and I had nice chats with several other travelers and a couple of the staff. They have a 24-hour desk, a common area and a large open plan kitchen with tables and chairs. Use of the kitchen is open to all and it comes with free coffee and tea. 

Something great about this hostel is that they have a free family meal every evening, to encourage socialization, and it’s delicious. I ate family meal two out of four nights – Vegetarian goulash and a Vegetarian Colombian stew. You should still plan to eat before or after since the portions aren’t huge, although, we got lucky the night of the Colombian stew because not as many people showed up to dinner and we got to have seconds.

Our room was a spacious 10-bed female dorm. With people arriving and departing often, the room was never fully occupied during our stay. There were six of us at the most during its fullest (with two being myself and my friend). The bathrooms are all full, private rooms with toilet, sink and shower.

Our first night in Budapest, we had dinner at Drum Café, about a 15-minute (or less) walk from the hostel. The atmosphere was lively, the food was just ok, nothing to return for; however, the service was good. They serve typical Hungarian dishes such as goulash. I had a whole fish (I don’t remember what kind), along with pickled cabbage and vegetables.

After dinner we ran into a group of travelers from Netherlands, Germany and Israel and spent the rest of the evening at a nearby bar talking about everything under the sun – life, relationships, family, love. It’s something quite remarkable, to travel thousands of miles from where you live, to find that people can understand and relate to you, and you to them; and for people to share with you, a stranger, their fears and wishes. The best conversations I’ve had in a very long time was with them and it was special. My first night in Budapest was one of the best experiences of 2019 so far!

From the evening and afternoon walks across Szechenyi Chain and Szabadsag hid bridges, seeing the Hungarian Parliament building lit up at night, watching the sunset over Hosok tere (Heroes’ Square), enjoying great coffee at Madal Coffee Co., to dancing the night away at Froccsterasz Telikert and Szimpa; Budapest was a wonderful experience and I loved every moment. We ended up extending our stay by an extra day.

Coincidentally, during our visit, my friend discovered a friend of hers was also in the city, and we met up with him. He described Budapest so perfectly, “it’s like the Paris of Eastern Europe.”

Final Notes:

The bathrooms in our hostel could have been cleaner. They weren’t gross, but they weren’t the cleanest. I’m always prepared for this scenario and I share my tips in part 3 of this three-part blog post series.

Currency exchange – The money exchange just around the corner from the hostel (Valutavalto) has some of the best rates, and there’s often a line. We were warned to go at least a couple of hours before closing because they’ve been known to run out of money since they’re popular.

Szechenyi Hot Springs – This place, for me, was disappointing. Although they had 18 pools (2 huge outdoor ones), none of them were actually hot. They didn’t even range in levels of hot. They were all either just warm or very warm at best. Maybe this has to do with its popularity and needing to be comfortable for just about anyone who visited, I don’t know. Next time, I’m going to seek out one that isn’t so popular with tourists. They do have a steam room and sauna. Very small, but nonetheless, they have them.

*Important mention: I purposely took this trip with no concrete plans. Although I looked up main attractions and browsed through blogs, I wasn’t tied to any particular thing I needed to do or see. The only thing I wanted, was to walk around and see as much of the cities, and their architectures, as possible. That I did.

Look for the next blog post in this series:

Part 2 of 3: “Bus Station? Dog Bar? What ever happened to Eagle Eye Cherry?” – Budapest | Prague | Berlin Travels

Where you can find me/how to contact me:

IG: wildlyplanted (check out photos)

YouTube: Wildly Planted ( I uploaded short video and photo reels)

Email: wildlyplanted@zoho.com

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WRITING, MANAGER'S SCHEDULE, STUPID

Or we can improve it, which usually means encrusting it with gratuitous ornament. Working slowly and meticulously is premature optimization.1 I'm told it derives ultimately from Marvin Minsky, in the worst case it won't be for too long. But that approach is very risky. And because startups are in this sense doubly valuable to acquirers, acquirers will often pay more than an ordinary investor would. So you want to start them. So whatever it costs to establish a mediocre university, for an additional half billion or so you could have a great one. Audiences like to be flattered; they like jokes; they like to be swept off their feet by a vigorous stream of words.2 They're like a food that's not merely healthy, but counteracts the unhealthy effects of things you've already eaten. Just have building codes that ensure density, and ban large scale developments. And if the answer is a thousand than if it's ten.3

That may be what public speaking is really for. But because he's sitting astride it, he seems to have done ok. A nerd looks at that deal and sees only: pay a fortune for a small, dark, noisy apartment. Historically there have always been certain towns that were centers for certain industries, and if you're smart your reinventions may be better than what preceded them. If investors are easily convinced, the startup never happens.4 That was all it took to make the software easy to use. Because they come at the end of that year we had about 70 users. A startup with the best people. Hard, but doable.

After the lecture the most common form of failure is running out of money while you're trying to decide whether to start one it's important to understand that.5 It's practically the standard ending in blog entries—with the addition of a heh or an emoticon, prompted by the all too accurate sense that something is missing. You must feel really tired. The startup hubs in the US knows what it means. As in science, the hard part is seeing something new that users lack. The competitors Google buried would have done them already. We both had roughly zero assets.

In that case, you might ask, why not wait longer? The guys with kids and mortgages are at a real disadvantage.6 I was disgusted by the idea of having a lot of experience themselves in the technology business. Google, but the trouble is, they're not drifting. Why are they so hot to invest in a startup.7 You have to get them beaten out of you by contact with the real world. Professional means doing good work, not elevators and glass walls. A lot of startups involve someone moving. Keep doing it when you start a startup.8 Blue staters think it's subjective, and red staters think it's subjective, and red staters think it's for sissies.

Where the just-do-it model is fast, whether you're Dan Bricklin writing the prototype of VisiCalc in a weekend, or a carefully cropped image of a seacoast town in Maine.9 For example, in a recent essay I pointed out that because you can only manage 1%, it's a sign you haven't yet figured out what you're doing, you can compose expressions however you want. But it certainly wasn't true, and hadn't been true for centuries, that students were serving apprenticeships in the hottest area of scholarship. But I don't wish I were a better speaker like I wish I could say that force was more often used for good than ill, but I'm not sure where I'm heading. Could Americans have nice places to live without undermining the impatient, hackerly spirit you need to know about you and don't want their money, because a lot of good co-founders meet is at work. But should you start a startup? It's as if a chunk of time to try to discover something no one wants. What happened to Don't be Evil?

Google's case the most important thing that the constraints on a normal business protect it from is not competition, however, you're in a powerful position.10 Starting one is at first no more than commitment. The essential task in a startup, but what they want to live at the office in a startup hub, because economically that's what startups are. This won't work for all startups, but most reduce to this: look at something people are trying to do in an essay. That was as far as I know has a serious girlfriend, and everything they own will fit in one car—or more precisely, will either fit in one car or is crappy enough that they don't mind leaving it behind.11 Silicon Valley. If you've lived in New York, where people walk around smiling. For nearly all of history the success of a society was proportionate to its ability to assemble large and disciplined organizations.12 If you think investors can behave badly, it's nothing compared to what they pick up on their own internal design compass like Henry Ford did it to the manufacturers of specialized video editing systems, and now Apple is doing it to the manufacturers of specialized video editing systems, and now Apple is doing it to the expensive models made for professionals. If two companies have the same revenues, it's the company's growth rate.13

So the real question is not what growth rate successful startups tend to have.14 Another thing you can do in a startup. In fact, I could see them thinking that we didn't count for much. What's the difference between Google and a barbershop. There you're not concerned with truth. The good news is that the customer doesn't want what he thinks he wants.15 Perhaps high schools should drop English and just teach writing. That's the connection between technology and liberalism. Several times a week I set aside a chunk of time to meet individually with all the other seniors; no one regards you as a failure, because your own personal bias points in the same way the classic airline pilot manner is said to derive from Chuck Yeager. A startup that grows at 1% a week will grow 1.

Notes

Even the cheap kinds of work have different time quanta. I don't want to lead. But let someone else. Steve hadn't come back.

This was partly confidence, and 20 in Paris. Down rounds are bad news; it is because their company for more than just salary.

Otherwise they'll continue to evolve as e. This phenomenon will be as shocked at some of those things that's not directly exposed to competitive pressure, because it was the least experience creating it. 5% a week for 4 years. Dealers try to avoid becoming an administrator, or can make things very confusing.

Siegel points out that taking time to come if they seem to be a lost cause to try, we'd ask, what that means having type II startups, you can't distinguish between selecting a link and following it; all you'd need to run an online service. A professor at a 5 million cap, but they're not influenced by confidence. Public school kids at least one of these companies wish they weren't, because the remedy was to reboot them, if you start to finance themselves with retained earnings till the Glass-Steagall act in 1933. Or it may be a product of number of restaurants that still require jackets for men.

College English Departments Come From? Trevor Blackwell points out that this had since been exceeded by actors buying their startups.

The reason not to make programs easy to write it all yourself. Microsoft itself didn't raise outside money, and others, and it introduced us to Steve Huffman and Alexis Ohanian, both of which he can be useful here, because some schools work hard to say because most of the things attributed to Confucius and Socrates resemble their actual opinions.

This prospect will make developers pay more attention to not screwing up. All you have to. Eric Horvitz.

Emmett Shear, and as an adult.

It's unpleasant because the kind of intensity and dedication from programmers that they imitate even the flaws of big companies weren't plagued by internal inefficiencies, they'd be called unfair.

And no, you can talk about it.

How much better that you can't tell you that if the similarity extended to returns. Put rice in rice cooker and forget about it.

Even though we made comparatively little from it, this thought experiment: set aside for this type are also much cheaper when bought in bulk.

I use. But no planes crash if your goal is to do, just those you can see how universally faces work by their prevalence in advertising. You're going to give up your anti-dilution provisions also protect you against tricks like a headset or router.

When you get bigger, your size helps you grow. Trevor Blackwell presents the following scenario. Maybe at first had two parts: the attempt to discover the most famous example. Whereas the value of a social network for x instead of using special euphemisms for lies that seem excusable according to some abstract notion of fairness or randomly, in the sort of mastery to which the top VCs thus have a moral obligation to respond promptly.

And frankly even these companies unless your initial investors agreed in advance that you're being starved, not because it's a bad idea was that the stuff they're showing him is something special that only a sliver of it, there is one of these groups, which have evolved the way investors say No.

[midnatt-heronweather]

2020 review

Disclaimer: You won’t hear much about the virus in this. I’m not a denier, I know the damage and destruction covid19 has caused and the death toll, therefore I am not yet cold enough not to realise this is going to sound completely selfish, but that is my decision.  My reviews focus on MY year. Just so you’re aware. “I accept chaos, I’m not sure whether it accepts me.” Bob Dylan.

2020... What can I say?

This was the year I decided to officially identify as Non-Binary, not that anyone actually cares or believes me or things i'm "(insert stereotype at will)" enough. except for those very VERY rare people who do and who actually listen and hear me when I speak

Anyway -It has been a trashcan fire of a year since February/March February when I saw the Hu and Counterfeit alongside Ally. And I say February/March because that was the weekend I say my year ended...the good part anyway. Because it was that weekend when I got the ultimate honour, privilege and miracle of meeting Jason Carter, After that it was like a Dementor had French kissed the year and I can’t be the only one who thought it? Conventions and gigs postponed, rescheduled and ultimately cancelled, masks, social distancing, lockdowns the works. And can I just say - I didn’t clap, and I don’t feel in the slightest bit ashamed for it. Despite or maybe because I have friends and a few family who work in the NHS I couldn't bear to be a part of the hypocritical BS idea. I live in a country that will clap for their 'beloved' life saving NHS but then stand silent when Pay rises are frozen and when the NHS is in danger, we as a country expect a lot but don't lift a finger to gave back, clapping doesn’t pay bills. But...Bright points in the year let’s try staying positive and leaving the crap outside shall we...well... The main one has got to be that the US finally found their sense and President Elect Joe Biden will b sworn in January 20, 2021. After that... I’ll have to get back to you. Oh...no..no that’s not one... seriously I’ll have a think and get back to you. Conventions: Just one this year, for me, because of the obvious... But what a convention FCD Events presents 2258 a Babylon 5 Conventions: Where, as well as finally being among actual self confessed fans and being able to tick a b5 convention off my bucket list after starting cons way too late to attend the OG cons I did the impossible... I MET JASON CARTER... have I mentioned this? Have I? Should I say t again? I MET JASON CARTER!!! Also Mira Furlan, Tracy Scoggins and Patricia Tallman, but I met him! Finally! And... Just a reminder I did warn you guys, several times that it was likely hell would freeze over if I ever got that particular honour, do not say I didn’t. I’d never done an FCD before, I’d meant to, even bought a ticket but it just never seemed to happen, but the second someone said b5 con, I was so there! Karan Robinson made my year by making me the Anla’Shok uniform. And Nadine added the cherry on top by making the belt buckle that ONLY Marcus and Entil’Zha Sinclair wear: D (for the record: Velcro still hates me) David one of the organisers of FCD kept randomly shouting “We live for the one.” And when people other than m actually knew the response and responded... dude kick in the feels I kid you not. Next Year (Angel Willing) Adam and I are attending the Teen Wolf conventions entitled “Howl at the Moon 4” in Paris, France... which is cool on so many levels not least of which being I get to meet JR Bourne and Daniel Sharman again and get to visit the church of St Julian of the poor. And yes, there are cons planned here in the UK. But... well. It’s already looking Grey, and not the good kind. Music and Gigs: Two gigs one after the other at the 02 Ritz in Manchester. The First:

The Hu a Mongolian band who Ally really likes and I think are pretty cool. They are amazing live there’s no doubt, can hold their own in England even in a room of idiots. The 2nd :

Counterfeit (also with Ally) I went VIP and got to meet the boys again, and listen to a Q&A with them. I will forever love them, not just because of Jamie’s acting side despite what people say. Didn’t realise how special until recently though because;  after keeping fans going and hyping up new singles during lockdowns, they recently decided to go their separate ways. Jamie’s gone solo and he’s put three songs out on YouTube. _ I was meant to be attending a one off gig by Ruelle and Fleurie both of who had music used on Shadowhunters, even talked my friend Lou into it, but it was a victim of the lockdowns and things and I’m not the optimistic type so I doubt it’ll ever happen now, will be lucky if even one of the ladies comes over here if I’m honest. Recently I’ve rediscovered a love for Black Veil Brides and their leader Andy Black’s solo stuff. Olivia Hyde of Bad Pollyanna recently killed everyone in her black unicorn’s fanbase with an amazing solo album, me included. Ally has introduced me to a few interesting bands this year, *Wingtips – very 80s Goth, very Ally (translation: very cool.) *Allegiance Reign – a Japanese Samurai metal band,  not sure what Ally actually thinks of these guys, she found them while perusing YouTube and thought of me :D Suggestions greatly accepted, I am always up for giving new stuff a try. Hopefully next year things will even out and gigs will be able to be put on again. TV and Fandom’s: *We FINALLY got Roswell: New Mexico in the UK, and ITV blitzed through 2 seasons in less than a month, but it was enough for me to decide I loved it, maybe more than I did the original. Alex is my fave, but obv Michael isn’t half bad, nor is Max when he’s not making goo-goo eyes at Liz. * Finally got to see 9-1-1 Lone Star and I absolutely love it, (I kinda knew I would from all the talk) * Decided to give the Charmed reboot a 2nd look and it’s proved addictive, now waiting for s2 to be downloadable on Amazon or something. *In march I was so, so excited for the return of The Expanse and the fact the main cast were coming to a con in the UK, then.. The verse went to hell. I still Love the Expanse, but I’m not as die hard as I was, not for lack of trying. Still love it for Anna of course, any excuse to see her. *After 15 years Supernatural finally ended in 2020 with season15: I stopped watching religiously at the end of season 6 but that does not mean I stopped liking the show just that I didn’t like the direction (like with The Expanse recently) I loved watching the reaction of the fans, and how much they (we if I’m counted) mean to the cast. * I have to mention Cursed... If only to say HOLY HELL DANIEL! 𝑴𝒚 𝑭𝒂𝒗𝒐𝒖𝒓𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝑻𝑽 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒔 𝒐𝒇 2020 Cursed 9-1-1 Lone Star & 9-1-1 Warrior Nun Prodigal Son Penny Dreadful: City of Angels Doctor who (Officially season12) Roswell s1&2 (it counts cos ITV only just got the reboots) Charmed s1&2(it counts cos E4 only just got the reboots) Call the Midwife (s9 btw) Our Girl Strike Back: Vendetta Friends: “Friendship ... is born at the moment when one man says to another "What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

My understanding of "friendship." is skewed, and I’m not saying that to be "Vulcan." it’s honest, and anyone who wants to know how or why just has to ask. But let’s leave it at that for this. It makes some things more stark... and I've said this recently, but this binfire has made even me more aware of who’s out there in my verse, whose pack, who’s potential, and who’s just pathetic. The last I’m not going to waste my breath on. The first two: Pack and Potential (read: new acquaintances /potential friends) Pack: Yes I go on about friends as 'Pack like a person whose OD'd on Teen Wolf... because I am so :P My pack as a whole are varied, and spread out across this country with a few dotted around Europe and Aus. hopefully they know who they are because I don't do mushy crap as they know. But if they do know, they know I'm there when I'm needed and more than willing to sod off when not. Yorkshire brass makes me frank and I’d hope fair. There are 2...mayb 3 who sit above the rest, in special place for the things they've done and things they've been through with me. I make no denial of that. But everyone is important to me. I wouldn't change them for anything.... Ok... tell a lie, maybe 1 or 2 when they do my box in, but that’s only like for a week maybe less. I've spent too many years and got too many scars and burned too many photos and bridges because of fake people and users to not be honest to a fault. It’s who I am. Potential: the Counterfeit gig in Manchester, 2258 and yes even Tiktok have given me the opportunity to make some interesting acquaintances this year, and some I hope will become friends in the real in the future, but for now I will say - "I am defensive, stand off ish, sometimes bull headed and of course opinionated, but I am by no means blind. Or blinkered despite what may be said of me. I am there when needed, if I can be of use, just poke me."   Ave Atqua Vale This section has its own post these days. Sadly. Pictures Will try and make one of my “a year in ten pics.” Posts later. Final words While I am not fond of this time of year, Enjoy your celebrations whatever for they may take, I will be watching The Magicians / Call the Midwife and plotting 202? Cosplays. I will be here when (fk knows why) I'm needed. Otherwise-  Compliments of the season, now go get a beer, i'm sure you need it after reading this crap.

in the words of The one and only Jason Carter  “Hindsight is 2020″

[batch83]

EQ, Yolo & Yago

Financial Literacy II

Speaker: Daniela “Danie” Laurel

She is a Business Journalist and Academic. She specializes in Corporate Finance, Financial Markets, and Social Issues in Finance as a Television News Anchor-Producer, writer, researcher, lecturer, and financial literacy advocate.

She is currently a News Anchor at One News Network Philippines, Cignal TV’s flagship English news channel. She anchors the main business news telecast of the network: Businessworld Live. With a Ph.D in Management Engineering, she was formerly an Assistant Professor of Finance (permanent faculty) at one of the top business schools in Paris, France. She brings nine years’ experience working with Management intellectuals and Finance experts in some of the most prestigious research and teaching institutions in Europe and have published at peer-reviewed journals. She currently holds adjunct teaching faculty positions at IESEG School of Management in Paris and the Ateneo de Manila University.

Read the rest of her LinkedIn bio and follow her on Instagram

What key things did you learn from the session?

My key takeaways for this session are:

Knowing what dictates the market movement

Main differences between many types of legal and legit investment products and how to acquire them

Better understanding on how interest rates work, how it affects investments and using debt to gain leverage

Learning the co-relation between Finance and Negative Emotions [1] and how to counter it

Why are these learnings important and why did they have such an impact on you?

It’s funny how for the longest time I’ve shied away from finance thinking it’s too difficult to understand. Try to look at the paper’s business section or listen to the business news and you can’t help but wince from all the finance jargon they throw about. But listening to the speaker explain it in simplest layman’s terms I find that it really is a basic knowledge that everyone should not fear learning.

I’ve known the basics about managing money, albeit very conservatively, and I’ve been wanting to learn and earn more. Most opportunities that easily came my way are multi-level marketing disguised as investment schemes. I’ve invested some, used their products, gained insights from the weekly marketing talk and eventually lost interest. Rinse and repeat. Sadly, these kind of “investments” abound and hound OFWs. It’s only in the later years that I’ve met advocates who introduced me to proper financial literacy and opened my mind into venturing into the money market and beyond. I mostly regret not knowing these for the past 10 years and all the what-if’s and I-should-have’s that came with it. As I’ve learned this lessons from the advocates and speakers, I have now a duty to pay it forward and impart them to people who need them. As Miss Danie said, financial troubles are not exclusively solved by having more money. Knowledge, advice, thoughts and prayers will probably go a longer way than pumping more money into a broken system.

Another area of contention is the role of women in the household finances. Women should not be relegated to being just spenders but also earners and budgeters. As a full time working mum, I find strength in the fact I can earn my own keep and contribute a lot into the household account. Being financially independent gives me confidence to spend my own money and chase after the things I want for myself and for my son. I do not expect anyone to bail me out so don’t expect me to bail you out when you’re in deep shit because of your own shit doing.

How will you apply these learnings in your private life/ work life?

I’ve been dabbling in the stock market as a long term investor armed with the very basic knowledge. I follow my broker’s technical guide and try to buy low each time. It doesn’t earn a lot instantly but it earns steadily. I’m still on the side of cautiousness and keep my emotions in check whenever I see rapid fluctuations. Seasoned traders always say that panic and fear can and will lose you money if you let it in your head. As much as I can, I try to keep calm and not be swayed by panic and sell haphazardly. Also – diversify, diversify, diversify.

Shopping my way out of a funk is a sure way to wreck my finances, so I am better off channeling my frustrations on something more productive. Learning how to counter these negative emotions [2] that hinder me from attaining my financial goals will keep me in check in the future and keep my credit cards from being overused.

This session also taught me to let go of feelings of “panghihinyaang” over insurance as sunk costs. Insurances are there as safeguards and in terms of accident insurances , it’s one cost you don’t really wish of ever using. As with stock portfolios, diversifying your insurances will help you get the most out of each company’s strengths.

Lastly, adhering to your financial plan should not necessarily make your life miserable. You must save but you can also enjoy it by spending on experiences that will bring you joy. You keep to your pre-planned budget but need not be stingy when unexpected expenses crop up. As one attendee said, it’s ok to go YOLO (You Only Live Once) but remember that YAGO (You Also Grow Old), so choose where you put your money wisely.

[1] Emotions that impact Finance :

Fear - OFWs have fear of missing out losing touch with their loved ones back home so they overcompensate with money try to cater to them when they make “lambing”, which if not checked becomes a bad form of dependence and worse, extortion.

Anger - Overspending and overcompensating usually stems from filling a void or to address feelings of deprivation

Guilt - To put it simply, just because you can bail them out doesn’t mean you should. Clarify who you are responsible for and not feel guilty if you cannot help everyone who comes knocking.

Shame - What may be shown on social media feeds is not always the truth, so they spend too much to cover up reality.

Envy - Keeping up with the Jones’ is the most prominent example. 

[2] Countering Negative Emotions in Finance

Counter Fear with Courage - Courage to love, courage to catch up with missed connections and courage to increase knowledge

Counter Anger with Joy - Joy in togetherness, joy in simplicity and joy in finding peace with one’s self

Counter Guilt with Clear Conscience - There is no need to feel guilt over not being able to help outside the group that you are directly responsible for and being up front about it.

Counter Shame with Honour and Integrity - Facing reality with full authenticity

Counter Envy with Contentment and High Self-Worth - Ignore the pressure to conform to society standards 

[yewavenue3-blog]

Weelicious

When I was a little girl my mother started taking me to Europe every summer. I don’t have endless detailed memories from my childhood, so these trips traveling through France, England, Germany, Austria, Switzerland and beyond were some of my most treasured. I remember the way my first scone tasted and the thick clotted cream I slathered on top served with a warm cup of tea that felt incredibly grown up at the time. Marching through countless museums, standing under the Eiffel Tower with wonder and amazement or the simple feeling of hearing a foreign language spoken and how I desperately wanted to learn it. My parents didn’t have gobs of money for these trips, so we would stay in bed and breakfasts or hostiles a few nights in a row and then splurge on a “fancy” hotel that I appreciated even more because it felt special. 

I was lucky enough to live in Paris for several years on and off in my late teens, but those memories were much more about discovering the city on my own. I’ve been looking forward to creating new memories with my kids, while taking part in one of my favorite pastimes: travel!

Last summer I took Chloe to Paris for 10 days and we had such a life changing experience we decided to go again this summer, but this time we took 3 days to zip off to another beloved city: London. 

I posted my travels on Instagram and so many people were headed there this summer as well, so they asked me to share where I had visited and eaten. Below is a list of some personal favorites, but I will say you can’t go wrong as both cities are an absolute treat. 

TIPS:

* Bring a scooter for kids. I did a post on it here, but It’s a total game changer for cutting down on complaints and “I’m tired” when discovering a new city. You can pack one in your luggage, in the over head compartments on planes, or at gate check. 

* Buy all your tickets ahead of time. You will save tons of time avoiding long lines and occasionally get tickets at a lower price. Great news if you’re bringing kids as many museums offer free passes for little ones.

* Take your time and slow down. There’s no need to rush. I find with kids doing one to two major attractions a day can be enough as it can be overwhelming for kids and you want them to enjoy the experience. 

* We’re big picnic-ers! Paris is an especially picnic friendly city where you can grab a baguette, slices of cheese and fresh fruit to eat under the eiffel tower, along the Seine or in one of the gorgeous parks. 

* In Paris it’s a right of passage to grab a crepe at a street stand and a baguette or croissant at your local patisserie. Chloe and I never met one we didn’t love!

* Metro. It’s safe and the best way to get around the city. Buy books of ten or twenty tickets at a time.  

* Batobus – The boat is a wonderful way to get around and see all of the sights.  There are many Batobus stops along the Seine and you can buy tickets at the stop.  You can get on and off the boat as many times as you’d like with any of the passes but it’s probably best to buy a two day pass so you don’t have to rush. 

* Paris Walks – Great tours of Paris that are only 2 hours.  You’ll learn about specific areas – history, food, art, etc… Reasonably priced, well worth the time and great for a child’s attention span.

PARIS: 

To see:

Musee D’Orsay: my favorite museum in Paris especially for impressionistic art in an old train station. 

The Louvre – Buy tickets ahead of time and avoid the lines by entering at the “secret entrance” which is an entrance on the map called “Port de Lions”. Make sure to set aside hours for this treasure as there’s a lot to see. 

Eiffel Tower: shh... this tour is a secret to most, but truly special getting to go in the underground bunkers on the Eiffel Tower grounds and then getting a private tour around and up the tower. A great way to beat the lines too!

Atelier Des Lumières: light museum focused on 3 artists and super kid friendly.

Versailles: it’s a quick train ride from Paris and worth every moment. The palace is gorgeous (visit in the afternoon) and head to the gardens before to avoid long lines, rent a boat, walk through the manicured mazes and grab a soft serve ice cream cone. 

Below is a list of restaurants I’ve been once or more and felt were great for kids and adults alike. I’ve lived and stay in the 7th arrondissement most of the time, so many of these spots are in the 1st, 6th or 7th. Excited to hear about your favorite parts of the city, too! Tell me in the comments below. 

Lunch/Brunch/Tea/Coffee:

Marlon - 7th

Cafe Central - 7th

Malabar - 7th

13 A Bakers Dozen - 6th

Angelina (a Parisian classic)

Les Deux Magots - 6th

Cafe de Flore - 6th

Le Comptoir - 6th 

Frenchie - 2nd

Dinner:

Yam’tcha 2nd perfect for parents and a true treat. May be too “out there” for kids

Clover Grill  1st

Le Village 7th

La Fontaine De Mars 7th roast chicken dinner on Sunday’s is a must!

Desserts:

La Bonboniere 8th insane chocolates

Berthillon 4th classic french ice cream

Amorino 4th my favorite gelato 

Pierre Herme 6th macarons and deserts

Laduree 7th macarons

Pozzetto 4th 

The Bon Marche 7th a must for any food lover. The endless culinary products are mind blowing plus the shopping is off the charts!

LONDON:

Go see a show! If you’re traveling all the way to London, seeing a play is the way to go. Chloe and I went to Matilda and I have to say it was one of the best performances I’ve ever seen (and I’ve been known to take the occasional nap in plays. That’s our secret. Ok?)

London Eye The most incredible view of London and a treat for kids

Westminster Abbey  buy tickets ahead to avoid the 45 minute line that I got caught in. It’s next to the London Eye, so easy to do both in a morning or afternoon. 

Buckingham Palace If the flags are up and out the queen is home.

Victoria and Albert Museum  The collection of jewels is reason enough to go. 

Tate Modern Modern art for days, large rooms to explore and artists that will blow your mind. 

Claridges I mark this not as a restaurant or hotel, but as a true experience for afternoon tea. This is a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget doing with my mom. You can dress up, lay back and let the endless amounts of sandwiches, scones, tea, champagne and desserts take over. 

Borough Market from food to events to all around great shopping. 

Harvey Nichols and Harrods  Get ready to shop. They’re only minutes apart and if you thought Paris was the place to shop just wait for the incredible fashion finds in London.  

The Wolseley I’ve been here 5 times and it gets better each time. The service is out of this world and super kid friendly menu. 

Where to stay: Just my 2 cents, but unless you're using points for a lovely hotel stay, I'm a big fan of Kid and Co! You can rent family friendly apartments all over the world and live like locals. 

If you can’t make it to Europe this summer you can always pretend by creating your own Parisian fest at home with crepes, roast chicken and french onion soup. 

If you have any questions or favorite spots in either city, please leave them below. I know I’ll be headed back again in 2019!

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Source: https://weelicious.com/feed/

[daisycactus20-blog]

Weelicious

When I was a little girl my mother started taking me to Europe every summer. I don’t have endless detailed memories from my childhood, so these trips traveling through France, England, Germany, Austria, Switzerland and beyond were some of my most treasured. I remember the way my first scone tasted and the thick clotted cream I slathered on top served with a warm cup of tea that felt incredibly grown up at the time. Marching through countless museums, standing under the Eiffel Tower with wonder and amazement or the simple feeling of hearing a foreign language spoken and how I desperately wanted to learn it. My parents didn’t have gobs of money for these trips, so we would stay in bed and breakfasts or hostiles a few nights in a row and then splurge on a “fancy” hotel that I appreciated even more because it felt special. 

I was lucky enough to live in Paris for several years on and off in my late teens, but those memories were much more about discovering the city on my own. I’ve been looking forward to creating new memories with my kids, while taking part in one of my favorite pastimes: travel!

Last summer I took Chloe to Paris for 10 days and we had such a life changing experience we decided to go again this summer, but this time we took 3 days to zip off to another beloved city: London. 

I posted my travels on Instagram and so many people were headed there this summer as well, so they asked me to share where I had visited and eaten. Below is a list of some personal favorites, but I will say you can’t go wrong as both cities are an absolute treat. 

TIPS:

* Bring a scooter for kids. I did a post on it here, but It’s a total game changer for cutting down on complaints and “I’m tired” when discovering a new city. You can pack one in your luggage, in the over head compartments on planes, or at gate check. 

* Buy all your tickets ahead of time. You will save tons of time avoiding long lines and occasionally get tickets at a lower price. Great news if you’re bringing kids as many museums offer free passes for little ones.

* Take your time and slow down. There’s no need to rush. I find with kids doing one to two major attractions a day can be enough as it can be overwhelming for kids and you want them to enjoy the experience. 

* We’re big picnic-ers! Paris is an especially picnic friendly city where you can grab a baguette, slices of cheese and fresh fruit to eat under the eiffel tower, along the Seine or in one of the gorgeous parks. 

* In Paris it’s a right of passage to grab a crepe at a street stand and a baguette or croissant at your local patisserie. Chloe and I never met one we didn’t love!

* Metro. It’s safe and the best way to get around the city. Buy books of ten or twenty tickets at a time.  

* Batobus – The boat is a wonderful way to get around and see all of the sights.  There are many Batobus stops along the Seine and you can buy tickets at the stop.  You can get on and off the boat as many times as you’d like with any of the passes but it’s probably best to buy a two day pass so you don’t have to rush. 

* Paris Walks – Great tours of Paris that are only 2 hours.  You’ll learn about specific areas – history, food, art, etc… Reasonably priced, well worth the time and great for a child’s attention span.

PARIS: 

To see:

Musee D’Orsay: my favorite museum in Paris especially for impressionistic art in an old train station. 

The Louvre – Buy tickets ahead of time and avoid the lines by entering at the “secret entrance” which is an entrance on the map called “Port de Lions”. Make sure to set aside hours for this treasure as there’s a lot to see. 

Eiffel Tower: shh... this tour is a secret to most, but truly special getting to go in the underground bunkers on the Eiffel Tower grounds and then getting a private tour around and up the tower. A great way to beat the lines too!

Atelier Des Lumières: light museum focused on 3 artists and super kid friendly.

Versailles: it’s a quick train ride from Paris and worth every moment. The palace is gorgeous (visit in the afternoon) and head to the gardens before to avoid long lines, rent a boat, walk through the manicured mazes and grab a soft serve ice cream cone. 

Below is a list of restaurants I’ve been once or more and felt were great for kids and adults alike. I’ve lived and stay in the 7th arrondissement most of the time, so many of these spots are in the 1st, 6th or 7th. Excited to hear about your favorite parts of the city, too! Tell me in the comments below. 

Lunch/Brunch/Tea/Coffee:

Marlon - 7th

Cafe Central - 7th

Malabar - 7th

13 A Bakers Dozen - 6th

Angelina (a Parisian classic)

Les Deux Magots - 6th

Cafe de Flore - 6th

Le Comptoir - 6th 

Frenchie - 2nd

Dinner:

Yam’tcha 2nd perfect for parents and a true treat. May be too “out there” for kids

Clover Grill  1st

Le Village 7th

La Fontaine De Mars 7th roast chicken dinner on Sunday’s is a must!

Desserts:

La Bonboniere 8th insane chocolates

Berthillon 4th classic french ice cream

Amorino 4th my favorite gelato 

Pierre Herme 6th macarons and deserts

Laduree 7th macarons

Pozzetto 4th 

The Bon Marche 7th a must for any food lover. The endless culinary products are mind blowing plus the shopping is off the charts!

LONDON:

Go see a show! If you’re traveling all the way to London, seeing a play is the way to go. Chloe and I went to Matilda and I have to say it was one of the best performances I’ve ever seen (and I’ve been known to take the occasional nap in plays. That’s our secret. Ok?)

London Eye The most incredible view of London and a treat for kids

Westminster Abbey  buy tickets ahead to avoid the 45 minute line that I got caught in. It’s next to the London Eye, so easy to do both in a morning or afternoon. 

Buckingham Palace If the flags are up and out the queen is home.

Victoria and Albert Museum  The collection of jewels is reason enough to go. 

Tate Modern Modern art for days, large rooms to explore and artists that will blow your mind. 

Claridges I mark this not as a restaurant or hotel, but as a true experience for afternoon tea. This is a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget doing with my mom. You can dress up, lay back and let the endless amounts of sandwiches, scones, tea, champagne and desserts take over. 

Borough Market from food to events to all around great shopping. 

Harvey Nichols and Harrods  Get ready to shop. They’re only minutes apart and if you thought Paris was the place to shop just wait for the incredible fashion finds in London.  

The Wolseley I’ve been here 5 times and it gets better each time. The service is out of this world and super kid friendly menu. 

Where to stay: Just my 2 cents, but unless you're using points for a lovely hotel stay, I'm a big fan of Kid and Co! You can rent family friendly apartments all over the world and live like locals. 

If you can’t make it to Europe this summer you can always pretend by creating your own Parisian fest at home with crepes, roast chicken and french onion soup. 

If you have any questions or favorite spots in either city, please leave them below. I know I’ll be headed back again in 2019!

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[mexicaneurolover]

Eurovision 1978 my top 20

Hello, and welcome to another episode of my ESC top series, as we go now to April 22, 1978 when the 23rd edition was held in Paris, France after Marie Myriam’s win in London last year. 20 countries took part, Turkey and Denmark returned to the contest, and Denmark made their return after 12 years. Also this was the first contest hosted by two people and also we had the first nul point result with the current system, which I will tell you later who it was. Israel won the contest for the first time with Izhar Cohen & Alphabeta singing A-Ba-Ni-Bi. Ans now let’s review the songs.

1st Place: ISRAEL/Izhar Cohen & Alphabeta-Ah-Ba-Ni-Bi (Real Placing: 1st-157 points)

Oh this one is an excellent song, also Nurit Hirsh again conducts the orchestra here. The music is so disco and I love it, they sing so well and the song is very catchy, I can sing to it even I don’t understand Hebrew. IMO a deserved winner and one of the best songs Israel has sent to the contest.  

2nd Place: LUXEMBOURG/Baccara-Parlez-vous français? (Real Placing: 7th-73 points) 

Bonjour, je ne parlez français but this song is wonderful, they are such amazing singers and the performance is magical, the song is very disco and, even this isn’t as good as Yes sir, I can boogie, this has it’s own charm and certainly stood out in quite a dull year. OLÉ BACCARA. 

3rd Place: GERMANY/Ireen Sheer-Feuer (Real Placing: 6th-84 points) 

Before Eleni’s Fuego, there’s Ireen with Feuer, and... I’M SO IN LOVE WITH THIS ONE, the music is crazy and amazing, she’s a wonderful singer and this is miles better than her 1974 song. What a strong song and entry, certainly deserved better in 1978. 

4th Place: BELGIUM/Jean Vallée-L’amour ça fait chanter la vie (Real Placing: 2nd-125 points) 

Awww this is so charming!! I think it’s better than his 1970 song. His voice is full of feelings and I’m in love with the music. At first I thought this was quite boring but I started liking it after many listens, so magical and I think it’s a deserved runner up, but there are 3 songs I like more. 

5th Place: MONACO/Caline & Olivier Toussaint-Les jardins de Monaco (Real Placing: 4th-107 points) 

Also this one is amazing, I love their voices and the music is brilliant, those violins are superb and the chorus is so catchy, certainly a deserved 4th place and this was the last top place for Monaco :( 

6th Place: SWITZERLAND/Carole Vinci-Vivre (Real Placing: =9th-65 points)

The music on this one is very beautiful, and Carole’s voice is charming and strong for this song, this song is very nice and the orchestra makes this one wonderful. 

7th Place: FINLAND/Seija Simola-Anna rakkaudelle tilaisuus (Real Placing: =18th-2 points) 

Seija’s voice makes this song very special and powerful, this is such a cute ballad and the music is very lovely, the last part of the song is amazing and I’m in love with this particular one. 

8th Place: IRELAND/Colm C.T. Wilkinson-Born to sing (Real Placing: 5th-86 points)

I absolutely love this entry, his voice is very strong and I can relate to the lyrics somehow, the music is so great and his energy on stage is contagious and what a performance he delivered that night. 

9th Place: NORWAY/Jahn Teigen-Mil etter mil (Real Placing: 20th-0 points/last)

Our first nul pointer under the 12 points system, and what an undeserved one, I’m mad about this one, but I must admit that the studio version is miles better than the live version. Jahn’s performance is hilarious and makes me smile, what a song this one. 

10th Place: FRANCE/Joël Prévost-Il y aura toujours des violons (Real Placing: 3rd-119 points)

This is lovely somehow, maybe a bit boring but the singer’s voice is perfect and the performance has such a French charm, such an enjoyable song and again, France delivers quality on this one. 

11th Place: THE NETHERLANDS/Harmony-’T is OK (Real Placing: 13th-37 points) 

I LIKE THIS ONE A LOT, this is very good, the music is perfect and their performance makes me so happy, but the clothes are a problem here. Anyway, a good little entry. 

12th Place: DENMARK/Mabel-Boom Boom (Real Placing: 16th-13 points)

The music is so lovely and charming, this entry makes me happy and it’s so nice, I love their voices, they are appropriate for this song. I like it so much. 

13th Place: SWEDEN/Björn Skifs-Det blir alltid värre framåt natten (Real Placing: 14th-26 points) 

This is a nice song, his voice is so wonderful but I think this wasn’t the best choice for ESC, maybe Miss Decibel may have been a better choice. The music although is great. 

14th Place: UNITED KINGDOM/Co-Co-The Bad old Days (Real Placing: 11th-61 points)

The music on the chorus is quite bad, or maybe was the orchestra but something sounded off, their voices are good and the song was good, but I think I like more other songs. Also, what’s with their clothes?

15th Place: ITALY/Ricchi e Poveri-Questo amore (Real Placing: 12th-53 points) 

Their voices here sound awful, the song certainly was one of the best of the night but the performance was mediocre. The music is very good and the lyrics are nice though, also, I like more another song from them called Será porque te amo. 

16th Place: SPAIN/José Vélez-Bailemos un vals (Real Placing: =9th-65 points) 

I kinda like this one... but I hate so much the music and the lyrics aren’t so good, anyway his voice is good and his smile is contagious. Maybe the backing singers are the problem here.

17th Place: GREECE/Tania Tsanaklidou-Charlie Chaplin (Real Placing: 8th-66 points) 

I have a problem with her voice and the music isn’t very good either, not one of Greece’s best entries IMO, but certainly stands in a quite weak year. 

18th Place: AUSTRIA/Springtime-Mrs. Caroline Robinson (Real Placing: 15th-14 points)

The music on this one makes me feel so bored, but their voices are good. The song overall is average but far from bad. 

19th Place: TURKEY/Nilüfer & Nazar-Sevince (Real Placing: =18th-2 points)

This one is forgettable and the voices of the female singers are annoying in the chorus, also the music is quite bad. 

20th Place: PORTUGAL/Gemini-Dai li dou (Real Placing: 17th-5 points) 

This song is so annoying and repetitive, I can’t stand this one. Certainly one of Portugal’s worst entries ever. 

[alliwannadoiscomerunning]

It’s Just a Thing (Child!Klaine Bereavement Sequel)

Hey! It’s @alliwannadoiscomerunning here. I decided to continue my @blangstpromptoftheday #1047 fill, which is “Blaine meets Kurt for the first time when he’s seven and Kurt is eight and they’re both at a support group for children suffering a bereavement”. Read Part 1 here. 

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     Blaine sits, slightly red-eyed, but calm, in the backseat on the way back from Lima. Pam doesn't ask him anything as she pulls into a different parking lot, different, but all the same when referring to the casual strip mall in Ohio. His dark hair carefully curls in the summer wind as Pam takes his hand and leads him out of the GMC Denali, which involved gripping both of his shoulders to lift him out of the giant SUV.  

     Pam can't tell herself why she and Josh had bought the car in the first place. They had two children, and a medium sized dog named Leo, which her eldest had named at age ten. After seven years, the dog still came everywhere with them, but was conspicuously absent today. Pam seldom wondered if Leo was depressed, too. Perhaps the extra large SUV came when Josh and her decided to raise their first child in the suburbs, where the mid-eighties were at its height and the thought of a big brick house in the Midwestern suburbs was actually appealing. Pam was sick of it. She longed for travel.

     She stared at her youngest son out of the corner of her eyes. Her remaining son. He's small and handsome, his retrossè profile framing something much more boring than his appearance. Josh and Pam had been overjoyed when their mistake turned into such a pretty baby.  

     But at the same time, Pam looked at him with pangs of pain that crippled her aging heart. Maybe, if this son hadn't been born, they'd still have the other one. Part of her, the darker side, sings at the idea. When Cooper had been a child, he would dance in front of his mother for hours and hours, pulling the most wonderful facial expressions, and making Pam believe that her son was going to go somewhere. Make it big in Hollywood, or Broadway. He was always bouncing around, much less patient than Blaine, who as a kid would sit in silence with his toys on the floor (Cooper’s?), and read books. The idea that ghosted the forefront of Pam’s mind was almost too good to be true.

     What was she saying?

     Pam settled down as a slightly cheered up Blaine licked his ice cream cone slowly, yet he paid much attention, as if it would disappear if he didn't savor the moment while it lasted. Maybe, Pam thought, that she should start savoring the memories, too.

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      Burt gripped the steering wheel carefully, listening to his son gush on and on in the backseat of the old Saab. The muffler would probably need to be replaced, soon, he realized, because he could barely hear Kurt’s lilted voice.

     Kurt asks in the tense Mellencamp-driven atmosphere, “Why’s bologna called bologna, Daddy? Shouldn’t it be bologna- that’s how it’s spelt.”

     This is good. A normal conversation.

     “I don’t know, son,” said Burt- why out of all normal conversations, his son had to pick the most obscure one there is..- “I guess it’s the Americanized-version of how the Italians say it.”

     “And how do the Italians say it?”

     The questions never end, and sometimes, Burt wonders if he has to answer them all.

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     The next Tuesday, at 4:00, both families arrived in the strip mall parking lot at relatively similar times. That day, however, it was just Pam bringing her son around to Ms. Pillsbury’s Boys’ Bereavement Group. After ice cream the previous week, Blaine was more interested in what would happen after the meeting than during or before.

     And as for Kurt, he was just trying not to think all that hard about it. His father wanted him to come, and so there he was.

    The boys found each others’ eyes from across the lobby. Kurt and Blaine never saw each other at school, and Kurt wondered why that was.

     “You said you go to my school,” accused Kurt as he came closer to the other boy, whose mother bade him no attention, “I didn’t see you anywhere.”

     This time, Blaine wasn’t in uniform, which last week, consisted of a dark, smart blue blazer with red piping, a red and blue tie, and a white button undershirt. There was a stitched ‘D’ on the front pocket in elaborate, neat font, and gray trousers with brown loafers. Kurt wore this that day, but Blaine himself was dressed neatly in a sweater vest and dark pants, with no socks, but shoes similar to the Dalton Primary uniform.

     “I haven’t started yet,” said Blaine, “Mommy says I’m not starting until next week.” He looked around aimlessly for Pam, who was off chatting with the weird blonde secretary, Sue.

     “Oh,” Kurt relented, “You just wanted to wear the clothes.”

     Blaine smiled, “Guilty as charged.”

     The two boys’ conversation slacked off into silence until Kurt blurted, “You know a lot of big words.”

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     In group about fifteen minutes later, Blaine started off by saying, “One of my favourite memories of Cooper was when he bought a dictionary once to just throw it at the wall. He just threw it. At the wall.” There were some giggles from the boys, particularly Kurt, who willingly sat next to him as soon as they walked in.

     “Did he dislike reading, Blaine?” Miss Pillsbury’s dynamic today was easy and nonjudgmental. Blaine knew her tone was gentle.

     “Uh huh. He never read to me, because he wanted me to learn by myself. I like that he did, because…because, now I know how to read.”

     “My daddy taught me how to read,” Nick piped up, “Can we read a book instead of drawing today, Miss Pillsbury?”

     “Yeah, I don’t like drawing!” complained seven year old Jeff. “It makes me feel like a girl.”

     Kurt gave a huff of annoyance, “Well, maybe if you were better at it, you’d like it more!”

     Once again, the group began to feel like it was falling apart. Miss Pillsbury found this incredibly frustrating, and gripped her clipboard with a tighter hold than she felt like she had on this group of little boys. Little boys!

     “OK,” said Miss Pillsbury, avoiding what very well could have been World War III, “OK. Let’s talk about reading some more. I don’t think we’ll have time for an activity today, so Jeff doesn’t have to worry.”

     What was meant to be a joke turned into anxiety when Jeff high-fived Nick. Did they really not like her activities?

     “Um,” Emma fumbled, “Do you have anything to add, Sebastian?”

     When perhaps the most distraught boy in the room lifted his head, Emma knew that she was in hot water. Sebastian was notoriously mentioned in Emma’s notes for his temper and his story, which was a tragic one. Not that every other boy had a right to be there, but Emma just knew that she may have gone one step too far. Asking Sebastian to speak up in group was probably a mistake.

     Nick, Jeff, and Blaine exchanged a few glances with each other. Kurt was confused, because it was only his third meeting, and well, who was this Sebastian kid, anyway? He couldn’t have been more than eight, but no younger than Blaine or Nick or Jeff. His green eyes were dull, and because they were so (well, not attentive) they weren’t anything special. His hair was well-taken care of, so there was that. Kurt found nice dark brown pigments between Sebastian’s chocolate and sandy blonde roots. Not too blonde, though.

     “I’m Barry,” Sebastian finally spoke, “Not Sebastian. Sebastian. Is. Dead. Dead. It was Sebastian that died. I’m Barry.” -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

     Christopher Smythe was a worn out man.

     What stared at him now, but the face of defeat? What gazed down on him, except God, who was probably too drunk, like him, to care at all that he made another mistake. That mistake, Christopher decided, was too horrid to be the truth, and started theorizing that God took away one of his twins because only one of them was supposed to be born. And then, he supposed God screwed up once more, because he left the more insolent, tantrum-throwing, and behavioral child on Earth, and took away the kinder one.

     Barry had been perfect. Little Bartholomew and Sebastian (marrying one of the richest women in Paris had its drawbacks, including naming his children ridiculous names that belonged in a Charlie Chaplin film) had been born identical, and came in a package deal. You take what you give, including the fact that Barry was the sweetest, kindest child Christopher ever had the pleasure of meeting. And the fact that his more reserved brother, Sebastian, quickly acted out in response to his co-twin’s death only made things more complicated for him.

     Christopher Smythe was tired. He was tired of the judgmental looks, tired of the glares he received from liberals who knew his story. Like there weren’t hundreds of them every day- hundreds who shouldn’t be dead because of the very thing that protected him from whatever’s out there. Barry shouldn’t be dead, and Christopher blamed God. Sure, he felt the scorn of a hundred children, a hundred parents, but you take what you give.

     Christopher stood inside Dalton Primary School, the principal standing in front of him. He didn’t know if Mr. Schuester knew who he was, yet, or if he cared. If he would judge his son for what happened to their family.

     Mr. Schuester waited for Christopher to talk again, like he had been for awhile. But Christopher found his mouth dry. He cannot, because Sebastian, his son, is speaking.

     “I’m not Sebastian.”

     Mr. Schuester smiled; he must think this is a joke. A game. A child hiding behind the sofa, holding up a puppet.

    “You’re Sebastian Smythe! We’ve seen your photos! You are going to love this school, we teach—”

    “I’m NOT Sebastian, I’m Barry.”

     “Uh—”

     “Bastian’ is dead. I’m Barry.”

     “Bastian?…?” The man trails off, and looks to Christopher, understandably confused. Christopher’s son then repeated himself. Loudly. “Barry. I am Barry. Barry!”

     The hallway of the school is silent apart from Sebastian, shouting these lunatic words. William Schuester’s smile has faded very quickly. He glanced at Christopher, who was the picture of a haggard father, with a panicked frown. There were lots of happy children’s drawings drawn over poetry printed on paper tacked to the wall. The school principal tried just one more time.

     “Ah...um...Sebas—”

     Christopher’s son snapped at Will Schuester as if she were stupid. “Barry! You have to call me Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! Barry! BARRY!”

     The man stood his ground, but Sebastian grew quite out of control. He was giving them a full-on toddler’s supermarket tantrum- except that they were in a school, and he is seven, and he is claiming that he is his dead brother.

     “Dead, ‘Bastian’s dead. I’M BARRY! I am Barry! He is here! Barry!”

     What do I do? Christopher thought, and he tried to make normal conversation, absurdly, “Um, it’s just a thing, a thing – I’ll be back to pick him up at-”

     But Christopher’s efforts are lost as Sebastian screamed again, “BARRY, BARRY, BARRY, BARRY, BARRY, BARRY, Sebastian is DEAD and I HATE him I’m Barry!”

     “Please,” Christopher said. To Sebastian. Abandoning his pretence. “Please, son, please?”

     “SEBASTIAN IS DEAD. Sebastian is dead, they killed him, they killed him. I am BAR-THOOOOO-LOOOOO-MEEEWWWW!”

     And then as quickly as it started, it blew itself out. Sebastian shook his head, stomped over to the far wall, and sat down in a little chair, under a photo of school kids working in a garden, with a cheery message written in felt-tip pen. He who plants a tree plants hope.

     Sebastian sniffed, then said, very quietly, “Please call me Barry. Why can’t you call me Barry, daddy, that’s who I am? Please?” His teary green eyes lifted. “I’m not going to school, ‘less you call me Barry, please. Daddy?’

     Christopher felt paralyzed. His pleading sounded painfully sincere. He truly felt like he had no choice. The silence prolonged into agony. Because now, I’ve got to explain everything to this Schuester guy at the worst possible moment; and to do that I need Sebastian out of here. I need him in this school, he thought.

     “OK, OK. Mmm-” Christopher said, unable to think properly. “Mr. Schuester. This is Barry. Barry Smythe.” Christopher became frightened, and started to mumble. “I’m actually enrolling Bartholomew Christopher Smythe.”

     There was a long pause. William Schuester looked at Christopher, with intense confusion.

     “Pardon me? Barry? But …” The teacher became a bright red, flustered. Then, he reached to a desk, behind a open, sliding window, and took out a sheet of paper. His next words were more of a whisper. “But it says here, quite clearly, that you are enrolling Sebastian Smythe? That was on the application. Sebastian. Definitely. Sebastian Smythe?”

     Christopher breathed in deeply. He started to speak, but Sebastian got there first, as if he overheard.

     “I’m Barry,” said Sebastian. “Sebastian is dead, then he was alive, but then he is dead again. I am Barry.”

     William Schuester, once more, says nothing. Christopher started to feel too dizzy to respond, teetering on the edge of dark absurdity. But with an effort, he spoke, “Can we let Bartholomew join his new class and I can explain?”

     There was another desperate silence, Christopher’s face pleading for the other man to understand. Then, he heard children singing a song down a corridor, raucous and happy.

     “Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to FLY-”

     The incongruity made Sebastian’s father nauseous.

     William Schuester shook his head, then edging closer to Christopher as he said, “Yes ... That seems sensible.”

     The school principal turned to a good-looking young woman, in a pencil skirt, pressing through the glass doors from the cold outside. “Ms. Corcoran, Shelby, please–do you mind– can you take, ahh, Barry Smythe to his new class, Year Two, end of the corridor. Madelyn Stewart.”

     “FLY, blackbird, FLY- ”

     Shelby nodded an amiable Yes and squatted down, next to Sebastian, like an overkeen waitress taking an order, “Hey, Barry. D’you want to come with me?”

     “Into the light of the dark black night…blackbird singing in the dead of night…”

     “I’m Barry.’ Sebastian was fiercely folding his arms. Scowling. Bottom lip jutting. As stubborn a face as he can manage, “You must call me Barry.”

     “Sure. Of course. Barry! You’ll like it, they’re doing music this morning.”

     “FLY, blackbird, FLY…”

     At last, it worked. Slowly, he unfolded his arms and he takes her hand- and he followed Shelby toward another glass door. He looks so small, and the door looks so huge and daunting, devouring…Christopher couldn’t help but wish his wife wasn’t in Paris right now, coping by herself. The twins had been in his custody when Barry had died.

     For one moment Sebastian paused, and turned to give Christopher a sad, frightened smile- and then Shelby escorted him into the corridor- he became swallowed up by the school. Christopher must leave him to his lonely fate; so he turned to William Schuester.

     “I have to explain.”

     Schuester nodded, sombrely. “Yes please. In my office. We can be alone there.”

     Fifty minutes later, and Christopher has given William Schuester the basic, yet appalling details of their story. The accident, the death, the confusion of identity, all over fourteen months. He looked suitably and honestly horrified, and also sympathetic, but Christopher could also detect a hint of sly delight in his eyes, as he listened to the narrative. Christopher was certainly livening up another dull school day. This is something he can tell his wife and his work friends today- you won’t believe who came in today, a father whose son doesn’t know his own identity…

     “That’s a remarkable story,” said Schuester. “I’m so so sorry.”

     He took his glasses off and puts them on again. “It is amazing that there is, ah, no way...of really…”

     “Knowing? Proving?”

     “Well, yes.”

     “All I know is that – I mean, I think – If he wants to be Barry for now maybe we have to go with it. For now. Do you mind?”

     “Well no, of course. If that’s what you prefer. And that’s fine in terms of enrollment. They are…”

     Schuester searched for the words. “Well, they were the same age, so – yes – I’ll just have Shelby update the records, but don’t worry about that.”

     Christopher got up to leave, eventually, quite desperate to escape.

     “So sorry, Mr. Smythe. But I’m sure everything will be all right now, Sebastian – I mean – your son. Barry. He will love it here. Really.”

     Christopher simply fled.