#let them be queer pleaseeeee

[birdsandbeetlesandmoths]

guys so I started watching Rebels a week ago

and I got to the episode

yknow

that one in season 2

ice moon

two mortal enemies trapped on an ice moon, one of them cripplingly wounded and the other grudgingly helping them because of his moral compass, five inches apart because holy shit are they gay

well, knowing none of the rest of the seasons’ plot concerning them, I really hope this works out. . .

[jamesunderwater]

DVD Commentary for this scene from Chapter 1 of Dead To Me pleaseeeee (specifically I want to know what you had in mind about the founders but I want every crumb you’re willing to part with):

It was 4am and they’d spent the last 30 minutes impersonating Binns lecturing on the lewd sexual history of the Hogwarts founders when she noticed him staring, mouth open in a silent laugh, and what she should do next suddenly seemed clear.

“Where is this side of Perfect Prefect Lily Evans in the daylight hours?” He asked, genuine despite how he tried to tease.

She shrugged, smirking, “Maybe not everyone deserves to see this side.”

His eyebrows rose. “And I, the lowly James Potter, am deserving?”

“Evidently so.”

His eyes dropped to her lips for the briefest moment, and the anticipation she felt was the first thing in weeks to cut through the endless ache. She let him watch her eyes dart to his mouth, too, and saw the way his chest tightened as he held his breath. It was sweet, that he thought he could ruin the moment. That he thought he had any control at all.

(I have had my response to this ask half written in my notes app for like a month now 🙃)

Oh goddddd this scene!! that last line!! it hurts me that I wrote that, lol.

The founders line, honestly, is just the random idea that popped into my head when I was writing. xD I knew I wanted it to be them making fun of Binns somehow, and when I thought of history of magic topics, my mind just went to the founders. And then it went to my queer reading of the founders... which is that Rowena and Helga were definitely sapphic lovers in their youth, and Godric and Salazar hate fucked on multiple occasions, but also Rowena was a bisexual icon and therefore had a passionate love affair with Salazar at some point, too.

(I am particularly in love with this story of Rowena's love life - the intense, cut-throat nature of Ravenclaw and Slytherin and how dark and powerful they'd be together; but then also imagining Rowena and Helga as young women who had this tender love, where Helga taught Rowena how to be compassionate and Rowena taught Helga how to stand up for yourself. Bisexual icon indeed <3)

But basically they all fucked, probably there was a threesome or foursome at some point, the walls of Hogwarts are smeared with the cum of the forefathers, blah blah blah.

Okay and then as for that scene in particular... you know the scene in Titanic after they've had sex in the cargo hold, when they burst out of a door onto the deck, and Jack is laughing mid-sentence, and they're both like breathless with laughter, kind of in awe of this moment together? That's how I imagined this scene and the feeling of the moment before the kiss. Of course, it's all made bittersweet by Lily's direct choice to do this because she knows she can and it will feel good. But the electricity between them is real, the shock and wonder that this exchange is passing between them is real. She just didn't know at the time what it would turn into. And he knew exactly what he hoped it might.

[rab1darachn1d]

no bc please someone let me talk abt the queer coding subtext and why their dynamic works and explain each individual moment where they cared abt eachother in their "i hate you/gay" way PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I LOVE THEIR WRITING AND THEM PLEASE PLEASEEEEE

me at any given moment

edit: bsd version

[jugheadthelesbian]

stranger things characters i need to see more of and why

• argyle: he’s literally the best character, i want to see him actually get a character arc. i want to see him get vecnaed. i want to see him and johnathan kiss tbh

• eden: she’s hot and i think she’d be a cool character. i think it’d be neat for her to be queer too and to get her vecnaed and some religious trauma (bonus for more suzzie too)

• nancy: more of her being a queen. also, id like to see her and robin bond over barb(going off of rebel robin). also we need to let natalia kiss maya bc it’s only fair. if her and steve get together again, i will pull out all my hair again.

• lucas: specifically lucas and el together bc i need them to help each other deal w max in the coma(gonna make a one shot ab this later). also i want him and erica sibling bonding. i would luv to see more sinclair family dynamic bc his parents give off good vibes. he’s also my favorite of the original party bc i also balance being a nerd and cool kid and we need representation. just feed me more lucas content or i will impulsively block people again.

• erica: girl has been through a lot and it needs to be talked ab. scoops troop being there for her would make me luv myself.

• murray: i want more murray content pleaseeeeee. him getting vecnaed and feeling guilty over alexei’s death would cure my hearing loss.

• chrissy: this one would obviously only be in flashbacks but like introducing a character that is chrissy’s younger sibling or best friend and getting some of chrissy's backstory through them. idk it could be cool

• wayne: pleaseeeee him getting involved w the upside down and stuff bc he wants to be able to bury eddie would be so good. him bonding w joyce and hopper would be a big bonus

• eddie: he’s the last on the list bc i know it probably won’t happen but bringing him back as kas would be so cool

[craziestfangirl98]

My thoughts on Love, Victor season 2 cause I have too many feelings and I need to talk about it.

Disclaimer No. 1. This has massive Love, Victor season 2 spoilers so pleaseeeee leave if you have not watched it. Also if you do not want to engage with it.

Disclaimer No. 2: This is my opinion on the season so if you don't agree please leave. Don't come for me. I don't mind having proper discussions but I don't want unnecessary arguments so thanks.

There are a lot of unpopular opinions so as I said earlier if you don't want to be respectful, please leave.

I absolutely adoooooooored this season. I think it met its potential quite well and I liked how it panned out. I felt it was brilliantly done. I know a lot of people don't agree with me but I actually saw that it was gonna be an acquired liking but yeah.

THIS POST WILL BE GETTING TO THE MORE MAJOR PARTS OF THE SEASON. MEANING VICTOR, RAHIM, BENJI AND VENJI.

Let's start with individual breakdowns.

Right of the bat we see that this season is gonna deal with Victor with the rest of the world. The first season was very internal and dealt with his own stuff in his own head. We very minutely see his interaction with different people and how that internally affects him. This season was more of how the outward world dealt with him. His intersectionality of being a Queer POC that plays sport really adds to the discussions within the queer community and the sense of being outcasted within the community. I liked how he was able to talk to Andrew about the whole being 'the most non gay gay' and also not being 'gay enough'. It was really nice and I loved that interaction. I also liked the fact that they discussed the whole aspect of being stressed about the first time and such.

I liked the full cabin sequence in terms of his anxiety about having sex for the first time. That too with an experienced gay. It all just makes sense and makes me glad that it was addressed.

I loved him as the 'mentor' for Rahim and the fact that they could relate to each other about being POC with religious parents I think was the exact push needed for the discussions to move forward.

I think his conversation about his queer experience as a POC with Rahim was something I have been waiting for since the first season. He definitely should not have revealed Benji's secrets without talking to him and that was a mistake on his part and something that will affect Venji in a long while. But the fact that Rahim and Victor relied on each other was not surprising.

I am going to address the rest of the aspects of Victor with regards to his relationships with each of them after their individual breakdown.

Now moving forward to Benji.

I know its gonna be a hard truth but I think his character was the one that I liked the least. And this is specific to the fact that his motivations are hidden from us. He is not really open to talk to us (through victor). I had the same problem with him in the first season and was hoping he would be fleshed out more. We only see him as an extension to Victor and just his boyfriend. Even then, we barely see him communicating with Victor or anybody else all through the time. Also, that being said, I have seen a lot of people say he was OOC but I think he was actually not really OOC. The way he reacts to Victor's mom's reactions although they come from a place of wanting better for Victor, he doesn't really think twice about why Victor must not be reacting or doing so subtly. He feels very unsympathetic on many occasions and that is a pattern we see from season 1.

I'm not saying he didn't have any troubles of his. Cause he definitely did. We know that with the drunken driving episode and the AA meetings and the strip club story. They were all awful, but that doesn't excuse him from trying to understand where Victor is coming from. Maybe having a little more context and communication about him would make us understand him and his motivations better.

This season specifically, I actually found him to be very token-ish of a gay guy which is weird because it has two other gay characters (or 5 based on the multiple cameos).

Now getting to Rahim.

I LOVED HIM. He is, I think right behind Victor in my heart. I fell in love with him barely minutes into the episode. His coming out retelling was the most wholesome of all things. I loved the friendship Pilar and him shared. I'm surprised we didn't get a scene with Pilar teasing him about his crush on Victor but I think that was because the writers didn't want to make it obvious. I felt he had a character of his own that was explored more than just coming in between the main couple. The one episode where they skip school we found out more about him and it was intriguing to say the least.

He is a Muslim gay boy who likes to put nail polish and fashion and believes that his parents will not accept him. It is soo refreshing to see this theory get denied and the parents being completely okay with it. Next, Victor and him have an interesting relationship between the two. When victor needs his mind to be taken off of things or talk to, Rahim does just that and when Rahim needs some advice or just some support Victor does that.

NOW VENJI.....

I think this is again... a little unpopular right now, but... their relationship was not that great this season. And I.... kinda expected that to happen. That is for multiple reasons. They spent 50% of their time making out, 40% of it fighting and 10% communicating. Were they flawed? Absolutely and I get that. They had massive miscommunication problems. Trust issues and everything under the moon. It is to be expected especially cause they are teenagers and they are not mature enough. That being said, flaws are not when you are dismissive of your boyfriend's issues because he doesn't fit your ideal gay stereotype. Flaws are not when you say your boyfriend is too much for you to handle and say something like you are the only one taking care of them. That's manipulation. Flaws are not when you don't realise that the context your boyfriend comes from is very specific to himself and if you want to do better you need to be open to listen to where he is coming from instead of getting offended by him saying you are white when you don't get the specifics. You need to understand that by saying you are white, he is not dismissing your experience with alcohol addiction and with your father taking you to strip clubs and shit. He is just saying you don't get where I am coming from. The reason I say I saw it coming is because even in season 1 we see Benji go ahead with what he wants to do instead of thinking about the consequences. Case in point the kiss on Victor's birthday. Victor told Benji that his grandparents are homophobic and still he kisses Derek. Because it is fiction and a teen drama the consequences weren't dire and it came to be a growth point for Victor but just imagine if the consequences were different. If it ended up being something worse, what then. I feel this season we are especially able to see Benji out of the rose tinted glasses that Victor had last season.

That being said I admit that Victor was also not entirely good. He did breach Benji's trust. I don't see how they can go back from there. He didn't communicate from his side as well, but just think of it like this if someone says you are too much to handle would their partner actually be willing to communicate what's bothering them?

The things about Isabelle walking on sex. If it was my house anything remotely sexual, irrespective of the gender would have been met with shame and anger just as Isabelle did. They are 16. The little brother was right next door. In any way whether it is straight sex or gay sex it would still have been met this way I feel.

So yeah as much as they are supposed to be the main star couple of the show they lack in almost every aspect. So yeah...

Now coming to VICTOR X RAHIM

Straight off the bat, I don't know if I watched the same season that others did because I actually felt the chemistry between them was actually more than Venji had in scenes other than the make out ones.

Also, they come from similar backgrounds. They understand each other much better than any white dude could ever understand them. They actually talk and communicate.

Rahim and Victor on the other hand are both new to this whole being gay, out and proud thing and I feel they would understand each other better. I think a big problem people have with them is that the writers fall back on the love triangle trope and stuff but I like it in this instance. It made sense to me.

Why? Because they are teenagers. Also, the gay pool in schools are so small and people are bound to explore. Like Victor said, what are the odds that you end up with the first person you start dating?

Also, regarding the wedding. Benji said he would not come, so I don't think he has the right to question who he came with. It was completely innocent on Victor's part because he did invite Pilar first. I guess it is the whole first slow dance that was the betrayal and as much as their chemistry was palpable I feel Benji should have allowed to here him out. I don't know maybe you all feel different about it but I feel that is not a betrayal on Victor's part. What could have been a betrayal was the kiss. I know it is once again a repeat of the cheating stereotype and I had hoped that the showrunner's did it a bit differently but well it has happened. (But again the chemistry in that kiss!!!)

What do I want to happen next. I definitely ship Victor x Rahim more than Victor x Benji. I would love for it to be Rahim behind the door but it feels unlikely that the showrunners will actually do that so my hope is even if they get together, Benji and Victor realise just how much they don't fit with each other and break up amicably and then Victor x Rahim gets explored and slow burn happens.

I don't want Victor to be the only one apologising if Venji do get together again. For whatever small amount of time. I need them to communicate better.

So yeah..... this was long and what I thought of the main portions of Love, Victor. It's really ironic how people love everyone other than Victor in a story about him and care for all the stories other than him.

[seaweedbrain404]

Wolfstar: Aches, Pains and Reading Aloud

Remus felt it in his bones. It was like sleeping at your mate’s house on the couch or falling asleep on an armchair, only to wake up and find out that all your bones and joints feel out of place. That ache, the stiffness caused by sleeping in the wrong position was something Remus was very accustomed to. Especially before the full moon. Unfortunately, this ache only got worse during and then after the transformation. When his bones changed, breaking and readjusting to accommodate the body of a werewolf, Remus was confined to the hospital wing and (after particularly bad nights) his own bed in the dorm for days, sometimes weeks at a time.

This was how the boy now found himself feeling. It had been days since the full moon and it wasn’t even a bad one and yet, Remus felt his knees getting stiffer and stiffer as he walked from Transfiguration to Defense Against the Darks Arts. It was almost like someone had stuck a metal stick between the joints that allowed him to bend his knee. At least it was only one knee that was affected. His left knee to be exact. He figured he’d just have to make do and try to lean more on his right till classes were over, then maybe he’d excuse himself from dinner and go to dorm or the common room. Yes, he’d say he has a lot of work to do and the other won’t blink an eye to that.

Little did he know, the other three marauders had noticed the change in his stance almost immediately.

It was actually Sirius who pointed it out. Peter and Remus were walking a little ways ahead, just out of earshot when he leaned over to James. “Moony’s walking a bit funny, don’t you reckon?”

The other boy furrowed his eyebrows, squinting his eyes at Remus’ back. “But the full moon isn’t anywhere close.... d’you think one of the slytherins did something?”

“I hope not or else-“

“Yeah, or else you’ll hex them all into tomorrow, we know, but even if it is... it’s Remus, he’d never tell us”

“No and it’s not like he’s been alone long enough to run into them either” reasoned Sirius.

“No, maybe it is something to do with the moon” James paused for a moment, clearly thinking hard, “talk to him, get him to take the rest of the day off and tell him I’ll give him any notes he’s missed”

“He’s not going to listen to me though”

“Doesn’t hurt to try though, does it?” James shrugged, knowing full well Remus would put himself through agony (and in fact, has done so before) if it meant not missing class.

James didn’t get it, none of the others really did but Remus just didn’t like falling behind. He was already a closeted queer, half-blood werewolf which was bad enough so he didn’t want there to be any other reason for someone to throw him out of hogwarts. When he first got his letter, he decided very quickly to be one of the smartest people there. He simply had to come at least near top of the class, he had to prove that despite everything else he was as capable as James or Sirius or even Peter. Remus wasn’t stupid, he knew his job opportunities would never be good which was exactly why he had to give his all in school. All to show that if they can, why the hell can’t he?

“Hey moons” Sirius came up on his left side.

“ ‘ello”

Peter fell back, beside James and the two began talking about their Transfiguration homework.

“Are you alright?”

Remus gave him a funny look, “why wouldn’t i be?”

“You’re leaning to the right, was it the slytherins- did they-?”

“No and if it was, I am perfectly capable of protecting myself Sirius”

“Yeah, I know but- nevermind” Sirius shook his head, “you’re walking all slanty”

“Slanty?”

“Y’know like.....” He mimicked the way Remus had been walking since they left the Transfiguration classroom, favouring his right side.

Remus just shook his head. “You’re seeing things”

“I’m not” He insisted. “You’re hurt”

“I’m not hurt” Remus rolled his eyes.

Sirius huffed, annoyed that Remus couldn’t just bloody admit he was in pain. Which he clearly was, by the way his eyes squinted a little and the way his breaths came out slightly laboured and uneven.

Remus sighed, an exaggerated and equally annoyed sigh. “My knee‘s just a bit stiff but I’ll just go straight up to the dorm after classes and leave it rest then it’ll be fine”

“You should go up now, I’ll go with you”

“No way”

“Yes, Prongs said he’d get you the notes and the homework”

“What about the classes I don’t have with Prongs?”

“I’ll talk to Evans”

“No”

“Pleaseeeee Remus, there’s a Quidditch match this weekend and you can’t be sitting in the stands when your knee is dodgy” Sirius pleaded with him.

Remus was about say he didn’t even enjoy Quidditch when Sirius quickly added, “and you won’t get to see me play”

That’s not fair, Remus thought but didn’t say, instead he looked hesitant to agree.

“Pretty please”

“Fine, alright- I’ll go back to the dorm now”

“Brilliant!” Sirius linked their arms and steered them both away from Peter and James who were headed towards the Dark Arts classroom.

By the time the two boys reached Gryffindor tower, Remus’ knee had gone so stiff that he couldn’t bend it and was biting his bottom lip to stop himself from wincing.

Sirius didn’t let him take the flight of stairs that led up to their dorm, and saying “you look like you’re about to pass out” despite Remus insisting he could make it up just fine.

In truth, he did feel a little lightheaded so he didn’t argue much. Sirius ran up to the dorm while Remus settled down on one of the big couches in front of the fireplace. It was a warm enough day and therefore there was no need for a lit fire.

He put his head back against a pillow and stretched his legs along the length of the couch, willing the pain and the ache to just go away. It didn’t. Remus closed his eyes, letting his breathing slow and hoping to get some sort of nap in.

Sirius returned not long after, the book Remus was currently reading in hand. He noticed his friend on the couch and when his brain registered the lightly pained expression, his heart gave a leap. Now is not the time, he scolded himself and moved to shake Remus’ shoulder.

Amber eyes flew open, a small smile spreading across Remus’ face. “Sit up a minute” Sirius said, almost breathlessly.

Remus obeyed and Sirius slotted in between the couch and his friend. He gently brought Remus’ head onto his lap by guiding his shoulder down.

“Can you read to me?” Remus asked suddenly, giving Sirius a small heart attack.

“Yeah, Yeah-“ Sirius nodded, opening the book to where it was dog-eared, and began reading.

Remus moved around a little so that his face was pressed against Sirius’ school jumper and his legs were ever so slightly bent in a way that didn’t cause too much pain. Feeling and hearing Remus’ laboured breathing as he manoeuvred himself to that position, Sirius gently rubbed the other boy’s shoulder.

Once settled comfortably, Remus’ breathing become more slowed and sleepy. Sirius read on, aloud, and played absentmindedly with tawny curls.

After a while, when Sirius was certain Remus had fallen asleep (snoring was a telltale sign), he closed the book and put it onto a little side table by the armrest of the couch. He grabbed a blanket that was swung over the back of the couch and put it soundlessly over the sleeping form of Remus.

Then, tentatively, Sirius leaned down and placed a featherlight kiss on top of Remus’ head.

Oh I’m so in for it

[shinymooncolor]

Hi everyone,

Here’s a little companion piece to @canesinthecrease @siriuslyqueer’s O’Knutzy fic

As always - thanks to @lumosinlove for this fandom!

Leo grinds. Logan scowls. Nado strikes out. Kuny has a feeling. This is a short little thing. There’s a lot of arguing. Future plans are made.

——

Friday 5.32 pm

Kuny: we bring out leo and tremz. I think they want drink. We buy leo drink. Cute boy will help get girls

Nado: I love you bro. What better way to appreciate cute baby rookie than to use his innocent boy next door to ensnare hopeless girls

Kuny: I think he have fun. Tremz too. Boy very tense. Wanted fight today had to hold him away. Little puppy try to fight big dog

Nado; are you the big dog?

Kuny: bigger dog than u

Nado: fuck off you’re like build on whatever shit they fed you in Russia.

Nado: but you still wanna go out? I’ll ask tremz and Leo. What about Olli?

Kuny: not Olli last time he talk to stripper and help her get job. He not good at that

Nado: that was precious. He’s legit the only man to ever pay someone to get off his lap. I wasted $200 trying to get him a lap dance

Kuny: u can put on outfit and lap dance Olli. I know u still have it

Nado: of fuck off you couldn’t keep your eyes of me. Bitch

Kuny: you look good in heel. Hehe almost tall as me. That why picture is in living room.

Nado: Leo says he won’t drink much. Hahahaha no. Wanna go to slugs? Bet we won’t get trouble for Leo.

Kuny: slugs ok. Have shirt I borrow I only brought tshirt

Nado: don’t stretch it. But yeah. It’s in my bag

Friday 11.34 pm

Nado: hey Kuny where the hell u at? Tremz is scowling so hard and grumbling. I was gone for like 20 minutes

Kuny: leo drunk. Did u sex in bathroom? We at bar. Leo is drunk heh he wants dance

Nado: nah just made out. Lock didn’t work hahah also she was too young. Don’t wanna be creep.

Kuny: I think Logan jealous

Nado: what?

Kuny: he was rude to girl I introduce to leo and he blush when I ask why

Nado: he’s just tense af!! imagine living in dumo’s basement - he needs to get laid. Both of them.

Kuny: ok u find girl for Logan I dance with Leo

Saturday 1.33 am

Nado; did Leo just grind? Or did my eyes deceive me

Kuny: heh he grind and stole hat. He hang off Logan. Is cute like baby fluffy gray bear thing

Nado: a koala? Did they get into the taxi alight?

Kuny: yess koala. Yes leo climbed in Logan lap. I think he like boy

Kuny: Also u bring home girl?

Nado: nah can’t be bothered too much work. Wanna go get some greasy food? Also Calm down, I know you love queer eye but I don’t think leo and Logan are secretly screwing. And if he wanted boys why wouldn’t he be climbing me? I’m like 200 pound certified Canadian beef.

Kuny: I just get vibe but maybe u right. We get curly fries also u not hot. I’m hot. And cute accent

Nado: fuck off! If I wanted a man I could get ANY man I wanted.

Kuny: not me. And no. I get more man than u.

Nado: I know thAts not what you mean but hahahahhahahahhaahahahaahahahah - also, I think I couldn’t get you? I know you bub, I could get you in my bed in 20 minutes hardly even trying

Kuny: is not fair. I’m smart in Russian. Ha no u can’t - prove it

Nado; ok. I’d take you to the zoo so you can make faces and giggle at the penguins, then I’d buy you fancy sushi and fruity cocktails, I know you have a thing for hair so I’d get my fingers in your hair and you’d be on my bed. Easy peasy.

Kuny: not bad date but I saw kase scare you haha. U can’t handle big boys

Nado: I wasn’t scared? Did you see his eyes? He was about to eat me or something. Also if he hadn’t just played a game I bet he’d have been interested.

Kuny: u took cold shower.

Nado: I can’t help it man. Kase is hot when he’s angry hahahah

Kuny: home? I’m hungry u always so horny

Nado: you’re always hungry. Gonna eat me out of the house and I’m not always Horny but I have needs

Kuny: then find new roomie. U love me. U have date with right hand

Nado: alright you big lump, meet at the front doors. And leave my hand out of this. Freak.

Saturday 8.21 am

Kuny: I think this first time no girl in kitchen

Nado: well, couldn’t be bothered.

Nado: I want pancakes pleAseeeee I wuw uuuu

Kuny: I not wife u make pan cake and that don’t work when u not look like puppy. Also princess is napping on me. She cute

Nado: you’re so the wife. you came home with princess, you actually talk to the aloe Vera plant, you cook and clean. Don’t understand how she can stand your stinky face

Kuny: I not wife. U my wife I make more money and I’m bigger. Also not stinky took shower when we got home.

Nado: no you’re not. Ew don’t tell me about your wanking

Kuny: yes I am. And I not wank just shower. Leo spill his beer on me. Ur shirt hehe

Nado: well we’d be husbands anyways also you better have soaked that!!

Kuny: ur such a wife hehe my little French girl. Heheheh

Nado: you’d be lucky to land me. I’m legit the only person to keep up with your snoring and disgusting socks everywhere and I’m French Canadian Kunt not French

Kuny: u snore too

Nado: alright how’s this. Once we retire together if we’re both single, let’s give it a go. Bro wives eh??

Kuny: u make pancake and we have deal

Nado: alright you pathetic dork. Using our cat as en excuse to make me do all the work

[coolguycoconutchutney]

shrub @meethapaan tagged me in this quarantine 10 song 10 question thing and I can’t sleep so I’ll do it bc I can

10 quarantine songs (this is just going to be randomly pulled from my April 2020 playlist (yes I’m aware it’s not April yet I usually start the next months playlist a few days early so I don’t add a new song to a current months playlist and miss out on it I just overestimated how much of March had passed and I accidentally started it on like the 14th but whatever))

1. Manners - Ashnikko

2. sriracha- bbno$

3. The Blinding ft Travis Scott - Jay Electronica

4. White Ferrari - Frank Ocean

5. Franklin the Flirt - Porches

6. Paper Bag - Miss Fiona Apple

7. Kerosene! - Yves Tumor

8. Hit My Phone ft Kehlani - Megan Thee Stallion

9. Let’s Pretend - Del Water Gap

10. Stressed - UPSAHL

Okay question time

Are you staying home from work/school?

Technically I’m between school and work rn so no but I am staying home.

If you’re staying home, who is with you? 

My parents and my thoughts

Who would be your ideal quarantine mate?

My fwiends or at least maybe someone my age it would be nice to have conversation with someone my age and I’m really bad at initiating phone calls so I don’t ever bother calling my friends rn

Are you a homebody?

This is a good question. The first couple months of this year yes because I was trapped in a cycle of not going anywhere so I can work on my senior project and then I don’t do my senior project so I just sat at home not getting anything done. But like ideally, I like being out and about and seeing things I just (im so sorry) hate the mall so much and window shopping but I just want to sit around and hang out w my friends and do stuff like watch bad media and so ouid oeffects and play games and I also really want to go to the club and be a th*t

An event you were looking forward to that got canceled?

Hee hee hoo hoo a good question. Well. Starting my JOB and MOVING OUT for one. Well. I honestly don’t know the state of my job rn. Because I emailed the recruiter last week and when I looked her up on LinkedIn today she doesn’t even work there anymore and no one told me and so I emailed their offer ops directly today and I’m waiting to hear back from them and I haven’t really heard much from them so I’m so excited for them to say oh haha you were never actually hired actually Hee hee hoo hoo. Also idk if I would have been gone by then but the gayng had tickets to 100 gecs. Also tinos birthday. I just miss my friends dog. Also I was going to meet up w this nice man and watch train to busan. He asked me to go on a run w him yesterday and it would have been fun but you know social distancing :/

What movies have you watched recently?

I have like 0 energy to watch any movies. I like movies and like thinking about them and stuff but I just have 0 available emotional energy to watch them. But I think I last watched he’s just not that into you. And I think the jumanji movies on the plane. And I saw this Malalayalam movie in theaters called varane avashyamund, which pleasantly surprised me in terms of how malayalam movies go.

What shows are you watching?

Nothing really, Tiger King and bits and pieces of Family Karma when my mom watches it. I rewatched season 2 of American Vandal last week it’s a shame it got cancelled it was a genuinely good show, shout out Italian king jaboukie for writing on it

What music are you listening to?

God I don’t really listen to a lot of music rn idk why but a lot of Fiona Apple and Ashnikko. Also I put tik tok songs on my running playlist so that.

What are you reading? 

I just finished 1Q84 and Into the Dreamhouse, and I’m looking for something new to start so if anyone has recs hmu pleaseeeee I think I should start Interpretor of Maladies wams recommended to me in December. Someone also recommended Acheron to me.

What are you doing for self-care? 

Uhhh I’ve been drawing a lot, I’m pretty shit ngl but I’m just practicing to you know, not be shit. I’m actually making terrible 1Q84 fan art rn kms. I’ve also been going on my daily state sanctioned runs and doing my home workouts (shout out miss chloe ting) and jumproping. I’ve been talking to my friends when I can remember. I think I’m going to start this udemy class I got on sale a month ago on front end development so my brain doesn’t completely dissolve

Uhhhh I really dont give a shit if you do it or not I did this because I have insomnia but uhh do this if you want

@cherrybutchh @pocketful-of-mumbles (wams i don’t know why I tag you in things i know you don’t do them I get it but why do I tag u) @queer-assthetic @swiing-tree @scramblelikeanegg @cigaretteinthemouth (hi we never talked before but I see ur @ in my notifications and we’re mutuals so hi if you don’t want to do this it’s really fine)

[jhope-seok]

Drunken Words

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Members: Shownu x Male Reader

Length: 4,366 words

Masterlist

It was late one Friday night and you were still awake, studying for your finals. Sometimes it was hard for you to be in grad school when all of your friends had graduated and moved on to their professions. All of them spent most of their weekends relaxing and drinking, while you spent your weekends studying, trying to catch up with schoolwork. Then again, you had been the one to decide that you wanted to go straight from undergraduate school to graduate school, so you had no one to blame but yourself.

Tonight was no different. You were hunched over your books at your desk in your bedroom, trying to force yourself to write your final paper of the semester. You were thankful that you lived alone in your small apartment because you would feel bad if you had a roommate, due to how late you stayed up every night. Also the peace and quiet was really nice to have. You eyes kept going back and forth between your book and your computer screen, adding and deleting words to your paper trying to find the perfect way to phrase your thoughts.

The professor for this particular class was the hardest professor you've ever had. He always graded everything very harshly and you didn't want to get a bad grade on this last paper as it was large percentage of your final grade. You were mumbling words to yourself when your phone started ringing. You reached around under all of your books searching frantically to find your phone before the call dropped. When your hand finally found contact with the cold metal of your phone you answered the call before looking at who was calling, pressing your phone to your ear.

“Hello?” Your voice was thick and raspy, after having not spoken for several hours to anyone but yourself.

“Heeeeey man,” the person on the other side slurred. You brought the phone away from your face for a second to check the caller. Shownu.

“Shownu? Is that you?” you turned up the volume on your phone, struggling to hear him over the noise in the background. You assumed he was at some bar, getting drunk with the rest of your friends from college. They always invited you out, since you all had stayed in the area after undergrad, but you always declined due to your grad school course load.

“Yeaaaaaah. We miss you, dude! We wish you were here with us!” His slurring plus the combined background noise was making it very hard to hear him.

“Shownu are you okay?” you practically yelled into the phone. You checked your phone volume was all the way up and then pressed it tightly back to your ear.

“Y/N,” his voice had changed and he sounded a little more alert now. “I’m super drunk, can you come pick me up and take me home? Pleaseeeee,” he slurred the last bit.

“Yeah, man, text me where you are and I’ll be there as soon as I can,” you answered.

“Thaaank you,” Shownu said, his words blurring together, before he hung up.

You sighed, pushing yourself away from your desk, getting yourself ready to go get Shownu. You glanced over at the clock on your nightstand and it read 2:30am. You had been lounging around in a t-shirt and boxers, so you reached for your sweatpants and a sweatshirt knowing it had probably cooled down outside. By the time you had finished getting dressed you heard your phone buzz, signifying that Shownu had texted you the name of the bar he was at.

When you opened his text you sighed to yourself. “Of course that’s where you are. The farthest bar from your apartment.” You wondered how they always wound up there, since most of your friends from undergrad lived around when Shownu did, but you didn’t question it. As long as nobody was driving home drunk you didn’t care. You grabbed your keys and wallet off the table in the kitchen and headed out the door, texting him back that you were on your way to pick him up and would be there in ten minutes.

On the drive over to the bar you couldn’t stop thinking to yourself about why you kept doing this, running to Shownu wherever he was whenever he called. But deep down you knew the reason why. You had fallen for Shownu sophomore year of undergrad. He’d been the buff, quiet guy in your friend group that always made you laugh whenever he decided to speak up. The way he smiled made your heart flutter, the way his eyes crinkled shut and the corners of his lips turned up. You couldn't remember when you two had gotten exceptionally close, but you were the closest to him out of all of your friends. Which drove you crazy to know all of his secrets and not be able to tell him your biggest secret: that you liked him. “Heck, I’d even go so far to say that I love him.”

You hadn’t told your college friends you were bisexual, trying to keep it to yourself, as Shownu was the first guy you had ever had real feelings for. You had experimented with guys a few times in high school, but it had never been anything serious. But the groups of friends you had made in college didn’t seem like they’d ever had much experience interacting with queer people. And as far as they knew you had a great time hooking up with girls, which wasn’t a lie, but every time you had slept with a girl throughout college you were left with a feeling of emptiness, longing for Shownu.

Now, out of undergrad, Shownu had gone on to the corporate world. He had some fancy job that was paying him a lot of money and so he spent most of it on lavish nights out at the bar, and taking different girls out on expensive dates. You still saw him occasionally, but most of the times it was in scenarios like this one, him calling you drunk, asking you to pick him up and take him home.

When you arrived at the bar you parked outside and reached for your phone to text him that you were here. You only had to wait a few minutes before he came stumbling out of the bar. He saw your car and flashed that smile you loved so much. You waved slightly at him and he practically ran over to your car. He was wearing a tight pair of black jeans that had several perfectly placed rips and a white shirt with a black bomber jacket over top. His outfit was so simple, yet seeing him in it you couldn’t deny that he’d probably had the eyes of all of the girls in the bar that night.

“Y/N!” he yelled excitedly, getting into your car.

“Shownu!” you tried to match his enthusiasm. “How much have you had to drink tonight?”

He laughed, and your heart stopped momentarily. “Um…” he hiccupped and giggled. “A lot?” He looked over at you and leaned his head back on the seat. “Please don't judge me?” He whispered, and you didn't push it.

“Dude, you know I won't,” you pushed him slightly.

He pushed you back and smiled, closing his eyes. You laughed to yourself and started driving towards his apartment. He was quiet for most of the ride, as he'd apparently fallen asleep. You wouldn't let him know this but you enjoyed these times when he called you to drive him home. It was nice to know that he could rely on you and it felt even better to know you were the one he called on in his drunken state.

When you were about halfway to his apartment and stuck at a stoplight you heard him startle in his sleep. You looked over and smiled.

“Y/N? Where are we?” He said groggily.

“We're almost to your apartment, go back to sleep,” you looked back at the road, tapping your fingers against the steering wheel. He didn't respond but you could see out of the corner of his eye that he hadn't closed his eyes again.

Suddenly, he reached over and turned your radio on, searching for music. He always did this, especially when drunk. It was like he couldn't sit still, but some of your best memories from college were from the two of you driving around blasting music and dancing in the car. When he found a song he liked he turned up the volume and started dancing in his seat, singing along to the song.

“I love this song!” He half yelled over the music. “Y/N dance with me! Come on man!”

You chuckled, mostly at how fast he’d gone from half-asleep to dancing in his seat. You were unable to hide how much you loved him like this. He was so reserved when sober, but the second he had even a drop of alcohol in him he turned into the life of the party.

You obliged to his request, partially lifting one hand in the air, pumping it up and down to the beat of the music. You didn't know the words but you nodded along with him, laughing whenever he tried to reach the higher notes. You drove the rest of the way to his apartment like this. Him jamming out to the music and you half-heartedly following along, but most enjoying the time you got to spend with him.

As you pulled onto the street his apartment building was on he leaned over to turn the music down. “Thanks for driving me home,” he said, slurring slightly. “I can always count on you, Y/N.”

You just waved your hand at him. “Yeah yeah. You have a lot of debt to be repaid.”

Shownu only laughed in response. You pulled over at the curb in front of his building. “Alright, get your drunk ass out of my car,” you said jokingly.

He opened the door and promptly fell out of the car. “God damn it, Shownu,” you cursed. You turned your car off and rushed over to pick him up off the ground. He was too drunk to feel any pain from the scrapes you could see he had on his palms. “Come on man let's get you inside,” you said draping his arm around your shoulder, supporting his weight with your body.

He let out a laugh and clung to your shoulder. “Maybe I've had more than a lot,” he hiccuped again.

You rolled your eyes. “No shit Sherlock,” you thought to yourself. You dragged him up to the door where he managed to punch in the code to get into his building. Thankfully he lived on the first floor so you only had to drag him down past a few doors to get to his apartment. When you got there he was fumbling around in his pocket for his keys and when he finally got them out of his pocket he dropped them on the ground.

“Dude, stand up straight, for fucks sake. Let me get your keys,” you pushed him off of you and onto the door. He managed to hold himself up long enough so you could grab his keys from the floor and unlock his door.  When you got him inside you started to lead him towards his bedroom but he stopped you, managing to take back control of his motor functioning for a second.

“I think I can get myself to my bedroom now,” he wobbled a bit when he let go of your shoulder but he caught himself, smiling proudly. “See, I got it.” You smiled back, unable to ignore how his smile made you feel.

He removed his jacket from his shoulders and let it fall to the ground. He kicked off his shoes, but before making his way to his bedroom he looked at you. “Seriously, Y/N, thank you so much.” He grabbed your hand and pulled you closer to him. Your heart swelled, and clenched, your blood rushing through your veins, making you slightly dizzy. Being this close to him you could smell the sweet cologne he always wore, emanating from his body, along with the scent of hard liquor. It took all of your self control to stay rooted to your spot, inches away from him, to not close the distance and cling to him, to feel his body on yours.

Shownu was staring you directly in the eyes. His lids were starting to droop over his eyes, but his stare was still intense. You didn’t know what he wanted or why he was still holding your hand. He’d never done anything like this before, sober or drunk. The only physical contact you two had ever had was occasional fist bumps and high fives, but his hand was warm and it enveloped yours perfectly and you wished he would never take his hand away.

The longer you stood there the harder it was getting for you to not say anything, and from the intensity in his eyes you couldn’t tell if he was looking at you like a friend or something more. As much as you wanted him to be looking at you as more than friends you knew how drunk he was and you couldn't help but think that whatever was going to happen he probably wouldn't remember. When it finally became unbearable you whispered his name, not wanting to break the silence between the two of you, but knowing it was necessary to get the answers you needed.

“Shownu? What are you-” your sentence was cut off by Shownu’s lips crashing into  yours. He grabbed your face with his other hand, steadying himself. It only lasted for a few seconds and it was sloppy, due to his drunken state. But those seconds felt like hours, and you relished in how soft his lips felt, how impossible it must be for someone’s lips to be so supple. The taste of alcohol that lingered on his lips seeped its way onto your tongue, causing you to reach out with your free hand to hold his arm. When he pulled away you were sure your heart was going to burst out of your chest, your pulse racing in your ears so loud you almost didn’t hear what he said.

“Truly, thank you for always being there for me,” he kissed you again, but this time you barely had a chance to close your eyes before he was pulling away. “I love you, Y/N.”

He let go of your hand and face, taking a step away from you, and your arms dropped to your sides. “Goodnight,” he uttered as if he hadn’t just turned your entire world upside down. He turned on his heels, walking away from you, down the short hallway to his bedroom. You were left standing by the door, wondering if what had just happened had been a dream. It couldn’t have been as the taste of whatever he’d been drinking that night still lingered on your lips. You grabbed behind you, reaching for the door handle. When your fingers made contact with the cold metal doorknob, you quickly opened the front door of his apartment jogging outside for fresh air.

You stopped just outside the door to his building, gasping for air. “What just happened?” you were screaming in your head. You had to put your hands on your knees to stabilize yourself. “Shownu just kissed me. He kissed me! And then he said ‘I love you.’ WHAT IS HAPPENING!?” All of these thoughts were running through your head as you stood there, bent over, trying to catch your breath. You pondered if Shownu had just forgotten who he was talking to and had mistakenly said your name instead? “He probably didn’t mean to say my name, there’s no way he could have feelings for me past friendship! Yeah, he probably just thought he was still at the bar with some girl, and accidentally let my name slip out,” you told yourself, nodding to yourself. There had been plenty of time during undergrad when he'd been way too drunk and called you someone else's name.

But this was different. He had been with you, had said your names several times acknowledging he knew who he was with. You slowly straightened up. “There’s no way. Shownu liking me? Loving me? Absolutely not. He doesn’t even know I like men. He doesn't even know I like him. And he’s never shown even an inkling of interest in any man, ever. Yeah, he definitely didn't mean that. He's probably super drunk and just kissed me on accident,” you tried to reassure yourself. You had to believe that it was a mistake otherwise you didn’t think you could ever face him again.

You had wanted this for years now, you had been longing to kiss him, to know what those girls felt, to be the one he turned his eyes to for once. But now that it had happened, it didn’t feel right. You were disappointed that it had happened because he had had too much to drink tonight. You were more disappointed though, that he would probably never remember that this happened in the first place.

You made your way back to your car, and got in, taking a few last deep breaths to calm your mind. When you finally felt calm enough to drive, you started your car and drove back to your apartment. The drive felt like forever, left alone with your thoughts, but when you finally got back to your home you felt a sense of relief wash over you. You removed your sweatshirt and sweatpants, slapped your face lightly a few times to try and snap out of your thoughts, and went to sleep.

Your dreams were like a movie screen, replaying the kiss over and over again, haunting you even while you slept. In your sleep you could still feel the pressure of his lips on yours, like they had left imaginary tattoos that would never go away.

In the morning you woke up feeling uneasy after dreaming about Shownu all night. It felt like you hadn’t slept at all, and your lips still tingled, as if Shownu’s lips were forever imprinted on yours, the same feeling you had experienced in your dream, except this time it was reality. You touched your fingers to your lips softly, still unable to comprehend what had happened last night.

You forced yourself to get out of bed so you could brush your teeth and splash some cold water on your face. As much as you wanted to lay around in bed all day and think about Shownu, you still had a paper to finish, and needed to get it done before the weekend was over. As soon as you sat down at your desk to start working again your phone buzzed. You rolled over in your chair to grab it off the nightstand where you had left it.

You unlocked your phone and saw you had a text message from Shownu. “Shownu? Oh no,” you started panicking. You didn’t want to open it and see his message that was probably written as if nothing had happened, as if everything in your life was completely normal and you two had gone back to being best friend and nothing more. But, your heart couldn’t stop from hoping that maybe he remembered what happened last night, that he hadn’t been too drunk and he was texting you to tell you he meant what he said.

When you opened it you got neither of the things you were expecting. His text message read: “Hey, can we talk? Or rather, can I come over?” This was much worse.

You stared at the screen in disbelief. He probably remembered what had happened and now he needed to come over and tell you that he can’t ever see you again because he’s embarrassed that he kissed you and it was a drunken mistake.  You pictured yourself having to sit there and pretend that all of these years that you’d spent yearning for him would forever come to waste. You took a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves, and typed a quick response.

“Sure,” was all you could say, afraid that if you tried to type anything more you’d break down in tears, knowing that your friendship with Shownu would come to an end today.

He typed back quickly, informing you he’d be there in 20 minutes.

You couldn’t sit still. You paced around your apartment. Your brain and your heart were battling with each other. Your brain was readying you for the worst possible scenario, that he would spit in your face, remembering how you clutched to his arm as he kissed you. How he would call you disgusting because he had realized you liked him and he was upset that he’d ever been friends with you in the first place.  While your heart, on the other hand, was reassuring you that he had been the one to kiss you. Even if he was drunk he had still initiated the kiss. He had been the one to utter the words ‘I love you,’ so that meant that there had to be some inkling of chance with him. You tried to remember that famous saying. “What is it? Drunken words are sober thoughts?”

By the time you heard the light tapping of his knuckles against your front door your heart was beating so fast you thought you might pass out. The noise startled you and you turned to face the door and your brain and heart had both gone quiet, unsure as to what would lay ahead. Shownu knocked again, this time more assertively, and you jumped again. You shook your head and told yourself that everything would be fine.

You crossed the short distance to the door and took one last deep breath before opening it. Your breath escaped from your mouth when you saw him. He was in a black and white striped shirt, with jeans and the same black jacket from the previous night, as well as a backwards baseball hat. You were amazed every time you saw him how he could always take your breath away. He was shifting uncomfortably on his feet and you moved out of the way and gestured for him to come inside.

“Thank you,” he muttered as he passed by.

When you closed the door behind you, you slowly turned to face him. You were waiting for the worst to happen, and when you looked up to meet his eyes you saw that he was looking at you with the same look in his eyes that he had the previous night. But now you knew he was sober, and you couldn’t brush off what you were seeing as him being inebriated.

“Y/N.”  “Shownu.” You both stopped, and huffed out a laugh. You stuck out your hand to him, as a way of saying he could continue. After all he had been the one to text you and ask if you could talk.

He took a breath before speaking again. “Y/N,” he started again. “I came here to talk to you about what happened last night.”

“Shownu, look,” you said, tearing your gaze away from his. “It’s okay, don’t-”

He cut you off. “I came here to tell you that I meant what I said last night.”

Your eyes snapped up to look at him. He took several steps closer to you and he was now only a few inches away from you. “What?” you breathed.

“I love you,” he said, grabbing your hands. “I’ve loved you for years now, I fell for you the first day I saw you. You were the smart, cool guy who always seemed so laid back around girls AND guys, and if you hate me for it, I completely understand. I understand if you think it’s gross that I like you, love you, but in my drunken state last night I let it slip out. But I’m here now to tell you that I mean it. I love you.” His eyes searched yours, but the only emotion you could show was shock.

You closed your eyes and shook your head. You had to remind yourself this was real and was really happening. When you opened your eyes you saw that Shownu was looking at you with immense hope in his eyes. “Shownu, I,” you laughed a little to yourself. “I can’t believe you said that. We are both idiots.” His eyes clouded with confusion. “I’ve loved you since the first time I saw you. I’m nothing compared to you. You were--are--the best man I’ve ever met, and I can’t believe you’d even consider me worthy of loving.”

His eyes still had a hint of confusion in them. “Really? Are you serious?” he asked, sounding slightly amazed. You nodded.

“Shownu, I love you, too,” you whispered.

He let out a sigh of relief and looked at your lips quickly before returning his gaze to yours.  “Y/N, will you be my boyfriend?”

“I’d be honored,” you smiled.

Shownu’s lips met yours with passion like you’d never felt before. His hands moved to grip your neck and face, and yours wrapped around his waist and back. His lips were melding in yours in ways no one but him could do. His lips had a sweet taste to them, sweeter than anything you had ever tasted. Your hands explored the expanse of his back, and even though you knew you had the future ahead of you to kiss him as many times as you wanted, you wanted to memorize every inch of his body, so you would never forget.

You both paused for a second to catch your breath, and you let out a small laugh. He hummed in question at you. “We have years of kissing to catch up on, so, I guess I’m not finishing my paper today,” you laughed again.

Shownu smiled, his cheeks flushing slightly red. “Oops. I guess not.”