#let me project my eldest child mommy issues onto aegon

[dirtytransmasc]

this video is so aegon coded, in my mind (I am the eldest child, I technically ruined my mom's life, but she tries so hard to love me, she DOES love me, but our relationship is so strained because of the way she's treated me due to her own pain. I think I'm a good enough reference on this)

like. him and alicent. with all their messiness. at the end of the day, that's HIS mommy, and no matter what, even when he feels like he hates her, she is beautiful and perfect and no one can say a bad thing about her because he loves her and she loves him and that makes everything ok at the end of the day.

sometimes he's mean to her, she's too rough, he feels like he hates her, she can barely look at him. but god forbid someone insult her in his presence, he will actually have a breakdown. that's his mommy and he loves her and forgives her and hopes she can forgive him and just wants her to be happy so they can all be happy.

like little kid aegon, he was always playing with her hair and her jewelry, telling her she was pretty. gently poking at her face, like toddlers do, when she was upset, trying to figure out what was wrong. he'd hug her clumsily and tell her it was alright. and he remembers that, he remembers wanting his mom to be happy and to know she was beautiful and that he was there (again, in the way a toddler does) and he stills wants that. he wants to be small and to make his mom smile and feel better. that's his job! he's supposed to protect her and make her happy!

I especially imagine this happens frequently cause of how her father and his father treat her, how the court treats her, how everyone treats her. they all so mean to her, even in ways that are quiet and seemingly mundane. he must hate it. hate the way they tear her apart with their words and their eyes. the way they subtly mock her. he must feel so angry but so helpless and conflicted.

and it all boils down to him becoming a sobbing, snotty, (in his case) drunken mess and I love that for him (I mean I feel really bad, this shit sucks, but you know what I mean)