#let me never publish it
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For lack of time to focus on one story, I've decided to write a very self-indulgent connected scenes, that I sincerely hope will never be published, except maybe for its (edited) epilogue.
#yup I wrote the epilogue first#I had a strong sense of what I wanted the ending to be#it's bad because I'm trying to emulate chinese culture#(in a way... taking my inspiration from xianxia)#but I'm fully aware I know nothing about chinese culture#so not matter how good my prose could be#it's going to end up inadvertently racist or leaning heavily on exotism#let me never publish it#btw I consider it part of tales of rheio#but probably more as a myth or so old that there are no contemporary recordings left to confirm it#and all texts about it were written one or more centuries after the events#this is quitet ironic considering it introduces a magical being called the Living Library
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came up with this promotional idea for my new book while I was very tired, may or may not live to regret it
(here is the book)
#into the tower#OUT NOW ACTUALLY#as a disabled author who cannot do conventions. i am simply trying to reach other nerds who might appreciate this book#this book is so on my bullshit and i love it but i DO fear publishers will never let me do another if it flops so reblogs always appreciate#solo ttrpg#cyoa
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Me: I'm not starting any more Wips that aren't one-shots until I'm finished with the Cat fic and past the halfway mark in Apollo, Bridges, and AWG2. I have too many wips I haven't posted yet and need to start editing etc.
My friends: *drop celebrity au idea in my lap* *drop Malec fuck buddies idea in my lap* *drop canon-compliant sugar baby-ish Magnus idea in my lap* *drop another dragon Alec idea in my lap* *drop canon-compliant Ragnor didn't die but accidentally time traveled idea in my lap* *drop yet another AWG spinoff in my lap* *drop a whole spinoff for Crow in my lap*
To the people who know who they are, just know I loathe you. (jk you know I all love you) *cries in too many wips*
#How am I ever going to write all of this???#I'm drowning in wips#I was hoping to have 500k published words on AO3 by the end of the year#I'm never going to get there if I keep getting distracted by new shiny wips#and yet I still let myself get distracted#as the chairman Meow instagram fic is proving#also if anyone reads this#and is okay with me stealing their ao3 username#or tumblr username#for a fic#please tell me#I need names for fake instagram accounts#and I thought it would be funny to have them be people in the fandom#don't worry you'll only do one thing#or well two#coo over Chairman Meow#and over Magnus (and later Alec when he enters the chat)#foodsies rambles#foodsies rambles even more in the tags#and despairs
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since your girly over here wants to redecorate her wall so she's making her own "movie posters" of her favorite bls
#never let me go#never let me go the series#thai bl#thai drama#bl drama#did y'all know that I spent three months in the unpaid internships for the illustration cycle#designing posters for a publishing house? no drawing#all graphic design#good times#anyway if y'all are interested in other series that migh not join this saga let me now#I'll work on a ifylita one next#bl poster
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INTERFACING - You let the empty bottle go. Upon contact with the ground it shatters into pieces that scatter, joining its intact brothers on the cold linoleum of your kitchen floor.
YOU - It'll hurt.
HALF LIGHT - Of course it will. Do not jump down from this countertop. You will cut yourself and bleed out through the soles of your feet.
INLAND EMPIRE - That's not what he meant.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY - What then, the hangover?
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT - The shoulder?
VOLITION - The failure?
LOGIC - The resetting of the timer? Going back to day zero...
YOU - No.
ESPRIT DE CORPS - The idea of letting Kim know that he could not protect you from this. It rips a hole in your stomach for all to see.
YOU - But who else could I tell?
[VOLITION: Impossible] - Call Jean
[PAIN THRESHOLD: Challenging] - Call Kim
[ELECTROCHEMISTRY: Easy] - …
#disco elysium#harry du bois#the furies#alcohol abuse/alcoholism#ficlet#inspired by ''who do I tell/The idea of letting my mother know/she could not protect me from the world/#It makes me ill/So who do I tell'' that i wrote a while back but will never publish anyway so now im turning it into a DE ficlet#aka op recently reset a timer of their own and is taking it out on the poor fictional man theyre obsessed with dot jpeg
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Kana and Ruby were desperate to be seen by Aqua/Goro. Meanwhile, Akane sought to see—understand—the real Aqua.
Aqua shines the spotlight on Kana to save her from her bad habits. He does the same for Ruby, freeing her from her burden.
The manga puts a lot of emphasis on the way Goro was Ruby's light, on the way Aqua brought out Kana's radiance. We're shown that Sarina wants to marry him, that Kana wanted to be his idol. Despite this, neither is privy to the burden Aqua is carrying.
With Aqua and Akane, the manga paints a different picture: It actually allows Akane to get involved. Aqua saved her life and ever since she has been doing her best to save his heart in turn.
What's more: Goro has been saving people all along, but Akane is the one the manga has actively taking mesures to return the favor.
#aquakane#my aquakane meta#going through my drafts and I have a bunch of aquakane posts I never published#I'm pretty sure I never published this one because it mentions kana and ruby#but you know what: if aka wants to make a fool out of me I'm gonna give him the tools lmao#I'll serve them to him on a silver platter even#that said it's pretty obvious that sarina was goro's light while he was alive which I do consider more than enough retribution#if there's someone that can save him emotionally that's her#so let it be known that this is exclusively about goro's current life as aqua lmao
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It turns out you don't have to worry about bots scraping your fiction to feed AI when your brother FEEDS IT TO THE AI HIMSELF!!!!
#letting my family read my fiction was apparently a mistake#my brother centers a large portion of his personality around thinking that chatgpt is hilarious#and saying things like 'you should write all your stories with ai because it's better and all books suck' any time writing is mentioned#but i never thought!#that his immediate response#to me trying to let the family engage with this part of my life by sending the link to my published story in the family group chat#would be to copy-paste it to chatgpt and tell it to generate a critical review#mind you: he has not read a word of the story himself#the less than 1000 word story#he has tried to apologize by saying he will actually read it as if this is something i should be grateful for#after he's already done this#another brother has tried to console me by pointing out it probably would have been scraped anyway#BUT I WANT THEM TO HAVE TO WORK FOR IT!
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I think there's some irony to the witcher books that while Ciri is the main character - it is all about her - the only reason the books etc have had the success they do is because it's from a man's perspective. If the books were from Yennefer's pov they definitely wouldn't have had the reach they do, and if they were wholly from Ciri's pov I doubt they'd be much more than a beloved but overlooked ya fantasy. I adore the Tamora Pierce books - Ciri's story isn't too far from Alanna's and yet there's not the same audience/ reach for Tamora Pierce.
#they speak#the witcher#the witcher books#im aware that the books had an english translation before the games but the games really made the books the phenomenon that they are#im not saying either that the books would have been better if they were from ciris pov#and that tp's books are ya not adult so ofc there's not the same reach - but most of the characters are adults for most of the books#they could have very easily been for an adult audience but would they have been published?#yes im aware that ciri does have a good chunk of pov in boe and tos is basically her book - but i think that reinforces the point#she gets half the first whole book and only gets her own book when there was an established audience#and yes im aware that tp has big reach but not nearly the same as the witcher#tp is big in the us yes but id never heard of her until one of my friends introduced me and let me read her copies from the us#and i was a huge reader as a kid - she just doesn't have the same international audience#i can't get her books from my local bookshops without ordering them - i know ive tried
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Uryu and Chad are gay married by the end of the manga. In this essay i will
#bleach#it's half-joking but not entirely so#see both are kinda each other's foils on several ways (uryu is also ichigo's foil in some ways but that's for another post)#both have a promise to themselves relating to their ancestors and both eventually break it#to me there's no greater symbolism to queerness than breaking family expectations (even if they were only self-imposed like in uryu's case)#then they go on to live lives they weren't supposed to live back in their youths (-AHEM-)#also they're the two characters who never got married to girls by the end of the manga despite there being enough girls in the cast for it#and you can see his face while watching chad's fight can't you? that's not the face a straight guy makes while watching a friend fight.#that's clearly a lovestruck look. uryu is watching his lover utterly kicking some guy's butt with loving eyes.#kubo could NEVER make them canon endgame because of shonen publishers' rampant homophobia#we do have another implied gay couple in the manga which are ikkaku and yumichika (don't tell me they WEREN'T a couple you know they were)#but again we could only see them bickering and caring about each other in a way no two bros usually do and never see any confirmation#(no like it WAS pretty darn obvious)#and if kubo couldn't make those two side characters openly be a couple do you think he would be able to do so to two MAIN characters?#but yeah tite kubo left all the hints in there because he knew some people would get it#(and let's be real here kubo KNOWS his audience or else he wouldn't fill the manga with well-dressed pretty boys)#i should be paying attention to class but i'm getting bored by it oops
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I have been thinking about the show and you guys a lot more, not just because we're approaching the anniversary of the end but because...it seems like LA ties keep popping up everywhere!
I know I haven't been active, but I do like coming back to see you guys on my dash even if I have no idea what you're posting about because I'm not part of those fandoms. I've been debating on coming back more -- or going back to that LOL, Z blog I started just to make sure I keep writing and staying in touch. So, we'll see.
Work has been crazy, and I just took the first actual day(s) off in a good while. I had some rough losses near the end of last year, and then huge project after huge project has meant not just working without days off but also working on my days off. Finally actually took a couple days off and did nothing. And I actually got a good amount of writing done, so now I don't want to go back. (I find I actually do get going a lot quicker if I start by hand, but my joints cramp up soooo quickly. It's always been annoying. ANYWAY.)
What finally prompted this was I was watching last night's SNL, and NCIS:LA got a mention, despite being off the air. (There was a joke about character actors and appearing on arcs on shows with titles that are only letters. There were four spots, and LA was the fourth. IT IS STILL REMEMBERED! But holy crap, how about that Hawai'i turn? Wow. Anyway.)
In the past year, small things have made me think about LA:
-Waking up to an old episode from a syndicated outdoors show (I sleep with the TV on, don't judge me) that featured Gerald McRaney talking about his acting career -- filmed years ago -- and doing outdoors stuff -Spotting Medalion in a small spot on New Girl -Being addicted to Disney Dreamlight Valley when I was redirecting my impulse shopping addiction into cozy gaming (that was basically ADHD-crack because of all the tasks you just have to complete!). How is this relevant? Because the only fish I could seem to catch most of the time? COD! -Todd popping up in new commercials all the time -Getting into Elsbeth and watching CBS shows on Paramount and hearing the little logo music after or before a show and remembering watching LA on the platform a lot towards the end
And I know there are many more, but age + too may back-to-back storms and natural disasters have made my memory even wonkier. (We currently have a joke about our "weekly tornadoes" here. It's funny because it's not completely a joke. Lololol.)
Anyway, I won't lie to say there wasn't some freedom and relief that came with the show's ending. But there are definitely parts of it I miss like you guys.
#just z being random#and z#so that's sort of normal#i actually made progress on that pilot/show I came up with as a half-joke#and then somehow got inspired to write it in prose form#which is what i was writing the other day#and for some reason it's sort of a cozy mystery novel now#but at this rate more of a novella#but anyway#if you need some inspo to get going#just start handwriting#and if you're ever bored and want to read chapters one day of a book that will never get published#about two widowers who meet at a crossword convention and solve a mystery#you just let me know
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so like uh. uhh. superhero/journalist au revamped
#2023 the year of tcm im telling you#taking a little break from drawing the dj#BRO I CANT BELIEVE I NEVER POSTED THE SHITTY OG SKETCHES#there were soooo many#i am certain i posted the witch au so why not the superhero au#OR maybe i did post it and i just cant find them?? anyway#my friend showed me this artist that i have become low key obsessed with dan mora#also the same friend may or may not be wiritng a tcm fic for me. tee hee. :^) my birthday is in march yay#ANYWAY the au. it started out pretty simple#orion is a journalist and garret is a lone wolf superhero and stuff happens!#stuff that i cant talk about because the subject matter is way too close to spoilers for the actual tcm#but lets just say orion wants the scoop to write his articles but Red Wing doesnt want his identity revealed#shenanigans ensue#I CANT WAIT FOR THE FIC KYA#my best friend being an excellent writer is the BEST thing that happened to me in my whole life fr#their stuff is always so top notch#soon to be published best selling uk author fr#after they get the doctorate#can you believe it doctorate#holy wow#ok tags#tcm#the clockmaster#sketches#superhero au
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Nooo no no no I started reading a super cute Human!AU fic that now turning super sad and heartbreaking and oh so real and Crowley has early set dementia now and - no my heart is breaking. I don’t wanna-. But I’m hooked. BUT I know I’m gonna cry yet can’t put it down. Noooooooo 😭
#good omens#fanfic#human!au#good omen AU#you are all such good writers it’s unreal#some of these fics have sunk their claws into me and aren’t letting go#I never used to read fanfic but so many of these are way better than any published book I have read#y’all are doing gods work#Crowley#aziraphale
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Urgh
I'm debating posting The Fic, the fixit for the Teal Mask arc of Pokémon Scarlet/Violet. I've already written a sort of self insert slash fix it for the main game, and I was working on the second part, the Kitakami first part.
See, the problem is the fact that me and the guy who edited/helped/has a main character in the story are... no longer friends, to put it plainly. Ended badly, too, which I regret, but not like there's much I can do about it.
So do I rename the character? Leave it to rot in my docs? Keep everything and finish and post it? I don't know. And I can't exactly ask him. Like I said. We ended it very badly, and I regret it some, but the damage is done with no way to fix it, so we shrug and move on with our lives.
But anyways, my main deal is I don't want to leave my lovely labor of love to stagnate in my Google docs. I want to finish and post it. I want to make the story mine again, since it was my idea in the first place. Regardless of dead rotting friendships still freshly murdered and cooling, burned bridges and all that.
I'm gonna leave a poll then, yall decide what I should do. But I do plan to finish that fic and post it to my AO3 account. Peace.
#poll#writing The Fic#pokemon#i debated it for a while honestly but im still not sure what to do#all i know is i do not want to let something petty ruin something i genuinely loved working on#as much as i loved him and as badly as we left things i still care about him. and that means i still care about the Fic.#i mean i still care. as much as i dont want to my stupid bleeding heart still goddamn cares because i can never let things go.#we may not be friends anymore and i know i said all the wrong things but its not like i can drop it in the garbage like it meant nothing.#i love this fic and i love the characters and i loved writing all of it and i just- leaving it to rot makes my heart hurt#i wanna finish it. so badly. not publishing it is just not an option. i worked so hard on it and maybe-#maybe im just stubborn and sentimental okay? maybe i just want to share the last good thing i have of him. even if he doesnt care anymore.#i highly doubt he'll even see this- probably has me blocked like Jay. no surprise. so ill let the poll decide.
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I spent so much time on this... Here's a summary for my little fic under the cut:
Elsa accidentally sneezes into her bukkehorn, causing a giant snowball to fly all the way to the Southern Isles, hitting Hans. Inside the snowball is a mischievous Snowgie, which Hans adopts, hoping to use it to his advantage. However, the Snowgie causes more trouble than expected. Despite this, Hans grows fond of the little snowman, but during the events of Frozen II, the Snowgies disappear without Elsa's magic, leaving Hans feeling empty.
Desperate to bring back his little snowman companion, Hans travels to Arendelle in secret and meets Olaf, who agrees to help him on his mission. When they finally meet Elsa in the Enchanted Forest, she is still angry with Hans and doesn't believe him. However, Olaf convinces her to see if Hans is telling the truth by going to Ahtohallan and viewing his memories.
During their journey to Ahtohallan, Hans falls into the water and almost drowns, but Elsa saves him. In the end, Elsa uses her magic and Gale's help to restore the Snowgies, and Hans decides to let his Snowgie go to stay with the rest of its family. Elsa also confronts her past mistakes and restores her relationship with Olaf. Although Hans' future remains uncertain, he is grateful for the experience and the chance to make some things right.
#Frozen#Disney Frozen#prince hans#elsa of arendelle#olaf the snowman#snowgies#gifset#frozen edit#credit to sanderswaals for those two Elsa masks TToTT <3#the summary doesn't cover it all...there is SO much#It's sooo important to me that Elsa and Olaf TALK about what happened in F2#frozen 2#the fic doesn't exist btw (it's just not publishable)#it has so many parallels (I didn't even intend to do that in that level of awesomeness)#Papu and Mel my most biggest enablers thank u for letting me rant forever about Hans and Frozen in general#mine#Hans Westergaard#Hans never sets foot in Ahtohallan btw
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genuinely really frustrating that people will like. choose to accept the age mistake made in assassin as canon for deathbringer when it actively contradicts older material. like. sorry idk if this is me being unfair here but genuinely like. why would you think it's intentional when deathbringer is described in main series as maybe a year or two older than glory at most, and can canonically not be any older than 9 due to stated timeline facts in the main series.
like. I get not liking glorybringer, i really do. no ship is for everyone. hell, even if assassin specifically makes you feel weird about it, so be it, to each their own. i can undertsnad that too. and yes, the glorybringer fans who think the age gap are canon are also in the wrong. they're being really gross, i don't think it's necessary to disclaim that, that feels given, but like... that only comes to my point still of like, i really don't understand taking a spin-off as canon over the main series. i don't really understand prioritizing later content as canon as opposed to the main work over spin-off as canon. why should a spin-off take jurisdiction just cuz it's newer? i feel like the older the canon is, the more likely it is the newer stuff will make mistakes. to me, in the case of a contradiction, the main series should be taken to? a spin-off is meant to supplement the main series, so shouldn't it only supplement canon that doesn't contradict?
like also, i get being frustrated it isn't fixed, but also. like. i obviously have not worked with a publisher before, but if I was writing for fucking scholastic books, no matter how well fucking beloved my series was, I don't know if I could risk being like "hey. can you pull my books from shelves and e-stores for me so that I can edit one line?" Like. I really don't think there's any reality in which I can make a corporation agree to that kind of thing, no matter what that one line may fuck up about my main story. like it's not even the only mistake she makes in the winglets. she calls deathbringer a rainwing in the flip book, but we're not hailing that as canon in retrospect, right? I don't know. I think it's unfair to presume that she's choosing not to fix it as opposed to it being an improbable to downright impossible thing to ask of a publisher. like yes tui is an incredibly successful author but i really don't know if we can presume she has that much actual sway on her publisher.
it's just really exhausting as a deathbringer enjoyer to feel like if I want to talk about and enjoy his character, and yes, that includes context given in the assassin winglet once you ignore the timeline error, i feel like I constantlyyy have to be saying "yes I think the timeline error is an error. no i don't think deathbringer is 13." like. every time i bring him up. i'm a riptide fan I'm used to it but also it's sooooo tiring to go into a character tag for a guy i like and be swamped with hatred for him and it's so much worse for deathbringer than riptide because in the deathbringer tag I have to deal with being actively accused of excusing gross shit for liking him instead of people just saying that my blorbo is boring.
#by nightwings standards deathbringer isn't even a fucking adult. like even when I was first reading the books he never read as an adult to#me. and the assassin winglet only further adds to this for me not lessens. he reads so much as#teenager/barely in his 20s guy who grew up#way too fucking fast for his own good but fully buys into his own narrative that he's got everything sorted and together#the way the age system works as I've always interpreted it is that like. each age up to 7 covers a wide but decreasing number of human#maturity years every time and then slows to the years being one-to-one by the time they're 7#with 7 corresponding to 18#which makes the nightwings not counting dragonets as fully grown until 10 the equivalent to how 21 is kind of like being an Actual Adult#law wise in America at least i mean to say#deathbringer can't even legally buy beer yet is what I'm saying. some hotels wouldn't let him check in without an accompanying adult#deathbringer#misc#wings of fire#wof#sorry for complaining in main tag but I'm so fucking tired of being made to feel gross for liking a character over material that#no casual fan of the series is even going to know exists or read that is so clearly a timeline error based on everything in the actual#series that I read#does my joke about him not being able to buy beer make up for it#do you guys still think i'm cool#on the note of publishing too#there's no reason to think scholastic could even make it happen in a timely fashion even if tui did ask for the change to the books. like.#looking up working with scholastic reviews some of the most common negative reviews are about poor management#i'm not trying to white knight for her or anything i think she's a flawed human being like anyone else I just think if ur gonna critique he#you should do it about stuff that's like actually poorly handled in her series. not a timeline error in a spin-off. like. come on.
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the fucking shitshow i experienced today…
#i won’t even get into the details of it but my work is being undermined and i didn’t say anything about it bc i was so taken aback and in#absolute shock. i have literally never Ever experienced something of this sort im not being dramatic i went into my office and told my#coworker girls what happened and everyone was staring blankly like ‘they said that to YOU??????’ bc it’s genuinely fucking unbelievable#got told some out of pocket shit that i willllll notttttt let slide but i need to get my shit together and think up the best way to respond#bc this wasn’t just undermining my work it was borderline humiliating. all from this woman who is supposedly my PhD mentor who NEVER#fucking helped me with anything and now she’s trying to tell me something that is SO insanely unfounded and just insane truly#as if i didn’t take over the entire goddamned (multi million) project and played the role of *drumroll* two phd students three#collaborators and TWO mentors one of whom was supposed to be the project lead. all that did so well that our ceo STILL praises me in#meetings and he never fucking praises anyone. as if i wasn’t offered two job positions in two separate labs while in one of london’s top#universities. as if i haven’t published 8 papers and a scientific book chapter which I’m the first author of#all without her help and now she wants to play mentor by trying to talk shit. oh my god im so miserable right now you have no idea#i can’t fucking stand her and no one in the company likes her anyway lmao but like#when i get out of this fucking state of SHOCK she just put me in im about to tell her to fuck off forever so politely and so wonderfully#that she will not know what happened to her. doubting MY capabilities ohhhh as if. as IF.
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