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sara-wishes · 2 years ago

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Utopia. - 성화 🌷

🌷 Reaper! Seonghwa x Female! Reader

🌷 genre: fantasy au, soulmate au-ish, angst, fluff if you squint.

🌷 warnings: major character death, english is not my native language, reader is too naïve, this was supposed to be a drabble .

🌷 word count: 3.9k

🌷 now listening to: Utopia by ATEEZ

a/n: this is my first fanfic! if you find any mistake let me know, and i recommend listening to this playlist while reading it. hope you like it!

Deep in the woods, far away from the town, you had settled into a small cottage. Surrounded by trees but found in the middle of a clear, rested, a delicately organized garden. Filled with the purest of white roses, the most innocent pink tulips and all types of colorful crops.

Life was peaceful, and when the time came to visit the town for supplies, everyone was kind.

In the country in which you resided, Wonderland, everything seemed to have appeared from a fairy tale.

When the summer arrived, the small river near the clear was always filled to the brim with fresh water to swim in. The animals would get closer to the rushing flow and take a sip to run from the blazing sun that, although the calendar marked June, looked like it was hoping to be merciful to the creatures that inhabited the earth, and its rays only caused the most minor inconveniences.

In autumn, the leaves of the surrounding trees turned all kinds of beautiful reds, oranges, and burgundies, making the view a spectacle for the eyes. The crops would grow healthy and robust, juicy and ready to be collected, so you would get to work the first morning of the season to stash them safely in the crates of your kitchen.

Springs were your favorite. Quite fitting for the dream life you had. After all, your flowers bloomed like none other, leaving every passerby, both animals and humans, breathless before their beauty, including yourself. Some nights you even dreamed about fairies visiting your rose bushes, just to bask in their absolute magnificence. The birds would chirp every morning, gently rising you from your enchanted sleep, and you would leave them a bowl of water by your window for them to enjoy. The mere thought of spring gave you butterflies. The same butterflies a lover feels when they finally get to see their significant other after time apart. The same butterflies you felt when you allowed yourself to run freely through the full bloomed and green woods along the other forest creatures. You loved times like this, where you felt free.

Even if sometimes minor setbacks appeared along your way, you always managed to handle them with a smile. Truly, you felt like you lived high up in the clouds, where nothing could go wrong. Where the rain never reached, and only the sun shined upon. A fairy tale for children to enjoy, in which the red riding hood never met the big bad wolf.

That’s why, when you heard talk in town about a bunch of robberies occurring on the outskirts of the village, you didn’t think much out of it.

This time around, the usually crowded streets were silent, and only a few figures could be spotted rushing from side to side. After all, the winter had arrived, and no one wanted to fall ill due to the freezing temperature outside. Every single soul knew to stay inside for the upcoming days, until the soft fall of snowflakes ceased.

Honestly, there’s nothing you wished more at the moment than to be snuggled up in your blanket at home, near the crackling fire, a good book in hand, quietly sipping on a cup of warm cocoa. But a sudden need for groceries had forced you to leave the comfort of your cottage to travel to town. Thankfully, you were already making your way onto the woods that separated your house from the rest of the population.

The robust trees reached high up into the sky, though, as the winter had long since arrived, they found themselves lacking any leaves to cover from the merciless breeze. This allowed the last rays of sun that managed to filter through the clouds, to enlighten your path home.

Soundlessly stepping on the white blanket that stretched as far as the eye could see, you hugged your cloak closer to your frame, in an attempt to guard yourself from the cold, and tightened your hold on the bag of groceries that had caused your current misfortunes.

Just as the familiar shape of your cozy cottage on the snowed clear started to form in your vision, a snap made you turn around.

It had come from the forest that now laid behind you.

As time seemed to still, you followed its state, unmovable like a statue, you kept your eyes fixed on the two trees from which you believed the sound had been caused. As fast as it came, a pure white bunny, the same shade of the roses you grew in the garden, flew across the similarly coloured scenery. Heaving out a sigh, you returned to a more relaxed position, releasing the stress from your shoulders.

Still, although the culprit of your previous distress had already shown itself, and had quickly ran away from the scene, you felt at edge. Like if something was somehow out of place.

Two eyes followed your every movement.

A small cloud formed in front of you as you once more exhaled, furrowing your brows, concentrating on your surroundings, you kept your eyes fixed on the same spot as before.

While the mist created by your own breathing swirled towards the sky, it dissipated from your view, allowing you to see clearly once more. Exactly then, you saw him.

Him.

A young man, clad in gray and black had emerged from behind one of the multiple trees. A cloak was draped over his tall and slim frame. Blonde short hair peaked from under his dark robes, delicate jewelry adorned his clavicles and fell onto his chest. Although his face was sharp and his stance towering, his features seemed strangely kind, forgiving, almost comforting. His plump lips shined in contrast to his pale skin, and his somehow benevolent expression fitted his two beautiful and kind, brown eyes.

Two eyes that now stared back at you.

“Show yourself.” After your initial shock, you quickly demanded of the stranger. Even if his beauty was unparalleled, such as the one from your flowers, he was still an unknown figure wandering near your abode.

The mysterious man stepped away from his hiding spot. Slowly approaching your smaller figure.

“I’m Y/N. Do you perhaps have a name?” You cautiously asked him as he stilled.

“I’ve been called by many names, but if you wish to, you can call me Seonghwa.” the sweetest of voices answered your question. A honeyed liquor after a day of work, a breeze slowly creeping in from your windows in summer. Truly, you had never heard such a pleasant sound.

Seonghwa...

How could a name make you feel at home? How could the mere mention of it, raise goosebumps on your every portion of skin, make you inhale. How could it bring you back the spring butterflies in your stomach that you so much adored?

Dazed once again, you spoke.

“And what business do you have here... Seonghwa?”

“I was just passing by, but you should know, there have been rumors of violent thieves attacking young and beautiful ladies like yourself around these lairs... You shouldn’t be running about this late at night.”

Although his warnings would probably have angered you if they had come from anyone else, thinking they were questioning your ability to fend for yourself, you carefully took in his every word, enchanted by his mere presence. Still, you voiced your thoughts non aggressively.

“Well, thank you for your concern, but I can take care of myself. Now, I don’t really know you, but I know we’re both freezing in the cold and the nearest town is miles away from here, so perhaps, you would be interested in having a cup of tea at my house? As long as you promise not to be one of those violent robbers, of course.” You kindly offered the beautiful man, since you had felt so at ease by his side that you didn’t see any harm in letting him warm by your fireplace.

“If it isn’t much of a bother, I would be delighted. And no, I don’t happen to be one of the bandits.” Softly chuckling at your remark, he took your offer, and started to follow you into your small cottage.

What you didn’t notice then, were his soundless steps never leaving a mark on the fresh blanket of snow. Or the way the seams of his cloak seemed to evaporate into thin air, waving as he moved. Nor the way he sadly smiled at your back, an hourglass attached to his belt flowing endlessly.

After your fateful encounter, and after enjoying a warm meal together, you both continued to meet, usually by the ends of your garden, wrapped in blankets. Well, at least, you, made sure to always be covered in blankets, not wanting to risk catching a cold. Seonghwa, for some reason, always wore the same beautiful clothing that almost completely revealed his clavicles.

He had been one hard to crack, but after a couple of months, in which winter still remained, but the snow had stopped, he finally spoke to you in a less cold manner. Honestly, although you had known each other for only a little time, your romantic feelings for the man had begun to quickly bloom, exactly like your tulips once April arrived.

70 days had passed since your meeting.

“I’m sorry, but I’ve always meant to ask you. How are you not freezing?!” One day you managed to address the matter, heavily worried about your new found friend.

The man that sat close to you on the same log, once again softly chuckled.

How you loved to see his smile. You were hoping for the day when he would finally allow himself to audibly laugh, and see how it reached his eyes and brightened his features.

“I told you Y/N, I’m not human! The cold doesn’t affect me like it does to you.”

This was true, in one of your talks, he had hinted this. He wasn’t human, he seemed to claim. The first time he had mentioned it, you had brushed it off with a laugh of your own, but as he repeated himself from time to time, you started to doubt your own beliefs about the man’s origins. And after one sleepless night in which the images of the man didn’t let you sleep, (Your everyday was plagued by his melodic voice, his graceful posture, and his kind eyes.) you had actually wondered about what he could be if he truly wasn’t human.

‘An angel. He was certainly an angel. There isn't anything else that could explain the warmth and gracefulness that surrounded his every action.’ You had thought that night.

“Okay. Let’s say I actually believe you are not human... Then what would you be, Mister?” You playfully answered back.

“Should I really tell you? Won’t you run away?”

His questions confused you, but what confused you further, was the way his words were spoken care freely, but his eyes were clouded by sorrow.

His eyes. His big brown gorgeous eyes. Filled to the brim with kindness, and yet each time you caught a glimpse of them when he didn’t see you looking, you could admire a deep pool of grief swirling on the mist of his gaze.

You truly didn’t understand him, but only you knew how much you wanted to get lost in the maze that his whole existence was.

“I promise I won’t run away Seonghwa. I would never run away from you... You know how much it took me for you to answer my questions with more than a mere word!” Not wanting to ruin the happy mood that surrounded the both of you, you still spoke half-jokingly, but sincerely letting him see just a peak of what you felt. After a beat of silence, he talked.

“I’m the reaper.”

He sounded serious, and for a moment, you were taken aback.

His once gentle eyes, now intensely stared at your soul. Your breath hitched and the butterflies on your stomach seemed to once again take flight.

Coming down from your cloud, you finally answered him.

“Well, then, if you truly are the reaper, then you are the most angelic reaper I’ve ever met.”

Still a bit dazed, you quietly whispered your words.

Seonghwa’s eyes softened once again, and looked back at you almost with what appeared to be pity.

You lowered your gaze to his lips, and as you did this, he leaned closer to your form. Now, almost grazing his nose with the tip of yours due to your proximity, he whispered only for you to hear.

“Really? I never would have guessed you had met other reapers before.”

“What? Jealous?”

Instead of words, Seonghwa answered by closing the small gap between the both of you, gently connecting your lips with his. You responded by circling your arms around his neck, deepening the kiss.

You had been attracted to each other since the beginning, as if a magnet had pulled you in, not giving you any chance to oppose. Of course, you would’ve never chosen to escape the claws of the big bad wolf, that now so delicately held red riding hood between his arms.

As you both separated, breathless from the kiss, you gazed once again into his eyes.

“I think I’m falling in love with you, Y/N.”

The sun had already hid behind the far away mountains, and another day had passed. Destiny had seemed to link your heart with his by a thin red thread, one that so easily could be severed.

How incredibly vicious this Destiny could be. It had allowed the beast to love pure and innocent Belle, and yet, now forced them to suffer the consequences.

“Seonghwa I’m so thrilled!”

“What for, darling?”

“There are only thirteen days left for spring!”

The sudden kiss you both had that night, had led you both to share your feelings for each other, and a week had passed by in a blink. You had spent your last days fooling around in the woods, relishing on a hot cup of tea in a small cafe in town, and enjoying your dates and time spent with each other.

Inexplicably so, Seonghwa seemed to turn more sour every passing day, but you didn’t feel brave enough to confront him about it, since he only showed this side of himself whenever he thought you weren’t looking. You thought it best to give him a bit of space. After all, you had only been dating for the last seven days.

“I’m just really excited for you to experience your first spring in Wonderland. And our first spring together, of course.”

“I’m sure It’ll be lovely, but don’t be surprised if I seem unfazed, Utopia’s springs are ones like no other.”

Utopia. You had asked once about where he came from, and he had told you that he came from paradise, an unknown land, to most called Utopia. A place where all the fairy tales you could dream of, came to life, and a place where an endless happy ending awaited for everyone. You really didn’t know what to think of the man in front of you anymore. He had said the most far-fetched things you had ever heard of, but still, you felt enamored at every single one of his stories.

“Well, then I’ll show you how much better it can be with me by your side!” Your playful conversation continued until you reached your destination. On one of the edges of the forest, near a cliff, where you both could enjoy the warmth of the sunrise. Another of your cute and exciting dates.

As you approached the ending of the cliff, you spotted a log where the both of you could seat comfortably in, and retook your conversation.

“Remember those thieves that had been causing trouble when we met?”

“Yes, of course.”

“I heard talk in town about them finally being caught!” You eagerly announced.

“I’m glad, I had worried about you coming back home alone everyday.”

“Aww, that’s sweet of you Seonghwa. But like I told you then, I can defend myself.”

“I know, I know...”

A breathy chuckle erupted from his chest, and as your conversation seemed to reach its end, the sun finally began to shyly rise above the mountains.

The view in front of you was magnificent, and slowly but surely every other creature awoke to witness it along your side.

The chirping birds, the small rabbits hiding inside their lairs and the little squirrels, all began to rise for the day ahead.

Just as the gentle but bright rays of sun started pouring into the earth beneath your feet, you took a look at the man beside you. At your lover.

At your strange and mysterious lover, who claimed to be the reaper. A majestic man with platinum hair and black clothing. An angel whose only lacking features were his missing wings. Had he lost them? Or had he never had them in the first place? Was he really what he claimed to be? Or was the bizarre hourglass hanging from his belt just an odd fashion statement?

You really didn’t care. Because no matter what he was, you loved him, and if he truly wasn’t an angel, you would collect every feather you could find, to give the man wings of his own to fly. To be free. Free from whatever shackles bound him to this earth, and were making his eyes look like they looked right now.

The white beams coming from the star now shone upon him. They quietly surrounded his every curve, creating a halo around his figure. His blonde locks framed his face, and a soft breeze made them slightly sway to the music of the chirping birds. His features were sharpened because of the shadows cast by the light, but his eyes... This same light filtered through his eyes, making them appear as if they were precious gems instead of part of a human being. The look that adorned his face was one of absolute calm. Unlike the calm before the storm, it seemed to portray an even motherly comfort, the calm of the sea after having witnessed so many years of despair.

Because regardless of how calm he looked, his eyes always told a different story.

One of pure anguish, of fear, sadness and guilt all mixed into one. Like if he had seen the most cruel of battles, as if he himself had fought in a war, as if the world was ending tomorrow. His eyes, the window to his soul, only showed you a broken heart.

Regardless, no matter what his worries were, you had promised to stay, to never leave and to never run away. So you took his face in your hands, turned him so he could look at you, and gazing softly into his eyes, you smiled.

“It’ll be okay, Seonghwa. Whatever it is, I’ll be with you.”

Sharing a kiss by the sunrise, a single tear was shed from your favorite pair of eyes, ones that you could have spent the rest of your life gazing into.

“Seonghwa!”

In distress, you ran towards him, who embraced you after crashing into him.

“What’s the matter?” He asked worriedly. When he would have usually asked you in a motherly and playful voice a ‘what did you do this time’, now he seemed oddly concerned.

“You would not believe what just happened. And on top of that, just a day before spring!”

"A day before spring...? Is it already this late?"

"I don't know what you're talking about, but hear me out! I woke up this morning to find my house completely torn apart! The thieves must have escaped prison. It's a good thing they didn't get to my room on the second floor, or else, who knows what could've happened!"

Seonghwa didn't answer. He didn't move.

"...are you okay?"

Snapping out of his daze after hearing your voice, he looked back at you.

"Yes..., sorry my darling, you just took me off guard. Why don't we walk towards our spot near the cliff, while I tell you some stories about Utopia? That way you can forget about the incident."

"Sure, but only if you promise to help me clean my house after."

"Of course."

His eyes had been emptied. Of any hope. Of any light. He was tired. But he walked by your side, holding your hand.

90 days had passed since your meeting, and a corpse laid dead on the bed of the small cottage inside the forest.

Seonghwa was the reaper.

A lost soul meant to wander through this earth, guiding every passing heart, that unlike him, would reach Utopia with his aid.

He had seen so many people come and go into his "life". None of them could stay. And just like everyone else, you would eventually disappear too.

This time, his "mission", had involved a pure soul, innocent and enamored with spring.

Since his tormented heart could come as a bit too much to some, he had intended to keep himself away from you, until the time to lead you to Utopia came. He didn't want to put out your spark before your moment arrived.

But Destiny wasn't having it his way. One day, while he was looking out for you, a white bunny had revealed his hiding spot, forcing him to approach you. Despite being originally manipulated by a greater force, just like magic, he had felt incredibly drawn to you by your mere presence. So much so, that he alone was the one that chose to continue visiting your cottage. Out of his own will, not obligated by Destiny's wicked tricks.

Although he knew he shouldn't have, he knew it would only break his heart, he could not deny he had already fallen for your smile.

Despite his growing feelings, his mission was still clear and his hourglass mercilessly reminded him everyday, that you both only had 90 sunrises before your time came.

He confessed his love to you on the 70th day.

But even if he wished for every single star in the sky to not let you be taken away, to spare you from the cruel Destiny that awaited you, he received no answer from those above.

Although his broken heart would never be mended after your loss, he would always remember the words you said to him on a night in which the full moon hung from the sky.

"Seonghwa, even if you were to be the reaper, I could never be scared of you. I never was scared of the reaper even before I met you. After all, if someone offered to walk you home in the night, wouldn't you accept? Wouldn't it be lovely to have a hand to hold? I believe the reaper to be a gentle guide when it gets dark."

Those words would be forever engraved into his heart. Since that day, he promised himself no matter what, he would be with you every step of the way, until you had to part. Tightly holding your hand.

So now, on the day before spring, you both walked side by side, hand in hand. At every step you took, the snow blanket melted, and a white rose bloomed in its place. Behind the two of you, a new glorious garden began to flower. Filled with pink tulips and rose bushes.

He gently grasped your hand, whilst his soothing voice told you of all the stories this Utopia had to offer. Enchanted by his beauty and by his words, you followed him blindly through the forest. Not a thing mattered if you were right next to your soulmate, the reaper.

While his heart was heavy, yours was light. And even if you didn't actually know what had happened, you were content. How could you not? How could you not be content? You were walking beside your beloved and, after all, spring had arrived early.

"Goodbye, my dear rose."

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honekujiras · 1 year ago

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Summary:

As I looked out over the scenery that stretched before us, the verdant hills dappled with cottages and the clouds gliding lazily across the sky, I was struck by an overwhelming wave of emotion. It was like a youthful sort of mourning, a thing that held my heart in a vice and refused to let go. It was like catching your smiling reflection and thinking, I will miss this day when I'm old. "Holmesie," said I. "Are you happy?" The Great Detective has retired to the English countryside, and his biographer comes one day seeking counsel.

my piece for day 7 of @greatestfamilyweek - long distance / future! i always thought taking a look at the evolution of iris's and holmes's relationship would be fun :3

read on AO3 or check out the excerpt below!

—-

THESE DAYS, I find that I have precious little room to simply think. Living in the capital will do that to a person: always some lively event taking place downtown or some invitation to a party held by the neighbour of a friend of a colleague. The stacks of incomplete manuscripts seem with each glance ever more endless, too, outnumbered only by the sheer clutter in what one clever man referred to as that "brain-attic" of mine. It is not my intent to complain, of course; if I held some severe, irreconcilable dislike for this foggy town, I would have moved far away by now. Even on this train ride through the English countryside, my thoughts continued to drift London-ward—for better or worse.

The porter had been surprised at my travelling alone, I recall, and I could not blame him. A young woman unaccompanied by a suitor or husband must have made a curious sight, nevermind the vibrance of my hair or the notepad in my hand, kept readily available, kept readily available for whenever a stroke of creativity should strike me. Then again, I suppose I have grown accustomed to getting an odd look or three since my youth.

And as the man took my luggage, I wondered if he would have recognised my name—that is, if he had ever read one of the stories published in the heyday of my authorship. I still receive letters from avid readers on occasion begging for another installation of my masterwork series, but due to a certain series of circumstances, I must always let them down. Since those days, I have tried my hand at writing everything from fantasy to historical retellings to non-fiction, but these have not met nearly as much success. Fortunately, it has not shaken my resolute love for creation, for the art of the English language.

So I say, anyway. But I digress.

It would seem writing is an effective pastime, for the station came into view hardly a moment after I wrote this passage. Once the train crawled to a stop, I took my bags and exited out onto the platform. I had visited Sussex a couple of times in the past, though not as frequently as I would have liked, and yet each occasion made me feel as though I had entered a world entirely separate from my own. The brilliant blue sky stretched out above my head; the pure summer air filled my lungs.

As I stepped back to admire the view, however, I struck against an older gentleman who had deboarded the train behind me. The books he was holding fell to the ground with a muted thud.

"My apologies, sir!" said I. "I didn't notice you were there."

"Nonsense. It was my fault for not moving out of the way," the man said as I crouched to gather them in my arms. The top-most volume was titled The Origin of Tree Worship, and I smiled furtively at the author listed below, one of my noms de plume.

"My," croaked the man, perhaps noticing my expression, "are you a fan of Miss Anna Graham's works as well?"

"You could say that," I replied, thinking about the months I had spent on writing that particular story. "May I ask why Tree Worship? Miss Graham has released quite a few novels more popular than that."

The man laughed, the corners of his eyes wrinkling in a way that was strangely familiar to me. "Mmadam, I have always felt that the soul of a book mattered more than its success," he remarked. "If the author poured their flesh and blood into their writing, then what does the popularity of the thing matter?"

"I'm glad you think so, sir," said I. There was something so deeply reassuring about a stranger uttering these words to me—these words that assuaged an insecurity I had been grappling with for some time.

"Ah, it seems one more landed over there," the man said suddenly, pointing a gnarled finger towards a book that had landed by the wayside. "Would you pick it up for me? My back isn't what it used to be, you see."

"But of course!" I knelt down to pick up the last of the volumes, only to still when I saw the cover. A Study in Scarlet, it read.

"Thank you, my dear Iris," a well-remembered voice replied.

When I whirled around, before me stood not the stooped, elderly book-collector, but a proud man sporting a tweed overcoat and deerstalker cap. His head was held high and his eyes glimmered with mischief. Still, there were certain indications of his age: the streaks of white in the platinum-blond hair beneath his wig, the soft wrinkles of his face that had been only deepened with makeup, and the spectacles and cane that he had not discarded. In all, though, it was that man through and through.

"Holmesie!" I exclaimed.

—-

keep reading on AO3!

#dai gyakuten saiban #the great ace attorney #tgaafamilyweek23 #sherlock holmes #iris watson #herlock sholmes #iris wilson #my writing #dgs-onlys reading this like girl what happened to your prose #idk either i became 90% more pretentious in season 2

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remoony-lupin · 2 years ago

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chapter 1 - the boy in the bookshop

(this is on my ao3 - the fic is called 'the moonage daydream to his lady stardust')

remus lupin woke up to a cold and bright january morning. he’d always had a thing for blue skies, waking up when there was a patch of light shining through his cotton curtains, with the feeling that the day was going to be a good one. he didn’t know it yet, but this day was going to be better - well, at least the best he could hope for. remus got out of bed, searching for the socks he’d discarded on the floor the previous night, and slipped them on as he walked towards the windows. he opened the curtains and let a bright stream of light enter the room, showering it in pretty little patterns and rainbows. the sky was all blues and pinks and purples and fluffs of clouds streaked across the sky, as though someone had drawn them with a paintbrush.

the apartment had only been his for 3 months, but it already felt like home. on coming to london, he’d bought various things from home like his record collection, his plants (stuart, kiki, and jeff), an inexplicable amount of mugs and a couple of books that he’d accumulated over the years. however, remus had always been looking to grow his collection. books were a safe space for him; a world where he could be anyone and anything, live in the biggest castles, the prettiest cottages, watch someone else grow and go through the phases he was going through. classics allowed him to feel a sense of solidarity and connection with those from the past, fantasy let him be the most confident, strongest, beautiful person and poetry let him see that he wasn’t alone - the fact that he could read and hold someone’s experiences and hopes and fears in his very own hands made him feel, well, it made him feel-

“boo!” a hand grabbed him by his shoulder.

“fuck me.” he whispered.

he turned round to face his flatmate lily.

“i was calling out for you, y’know.”

“shit. sorry. didn’t hear you.” he said, pulling her into a hug.

“daydreaming again?”

“you know me too well,” he grinned. “anyway, what did you want?”

“well, i was wondering if you had anything to say to me.”

remus mind buzzed. fuck, he thought, what have i forgotten this time? he’d remembered to lock the door when he came home from work, he’d put out the bins, cleaned the kitchen, made lily’s cake-

“fuck! happy birthday.”

“there we go.” she laughed.

“i’m so sorry. i was just thinking about… well, you know. and only just got up.”

“excuse me,” she mocked. “do you mean to say that you don’t spend every waking moment thinking about me?”

remus laughed. “of course i do, lilyflower, of course. how could i not? just look at you, with your ravishing looks, and pretty ginger hair, and intellect. and your obsession with loving people that are way below you.”

“you flatter me, remus. always the charmer.” she giggled.

remus’ stomach growled.

“ooo, someone’s hungry.” she said. “and don’t worry about breakfast. i took the liberty of cooking for both of us on my special day. i knew you’d be tired.” she smiled, hugging him.

after a breakfast of pancakes coated in too much nutella than remus would like to admit, he showered, brushed his hair (only to mess it up again), threw on a band t-shirt, jumper, jeans, patterned socks and docs, said goodbye to lily and left for the day.

thanks to his brain and stupid boss making him work an extra shift at the concert venue, remus had forgotten to buy lily’s present. he’d always been a last-minute kind of person, but he was really pushing it this time. remus has known lily since he was 14 when they bumped into each other on accident, whilst reading a book. hers had been pride and prejudice and his had been maurice. they’d been heading to the same english class and soon became the best of friends. they sat by one another every lesson, recommended books and music, and had been remus’ only friend forever. when he was 16, and felt ready enough, he came out to her as bisexual. and then, once lily was ready, so did she. for a while, people had thought they were a couple and, in fairness, remus had thought about it once or twice, but they were better as friends. platonic love was just perfect.

remus stopped outside the bookshop. it was his favourite and he always found the cheapest books with the best stories and sweetest covers. it was a run-down kind of place, vintage, one could call it, and had a comforting and warm air to it - which remus liked.

he stepped inside and the bell rang.

a boy looked up from the counter, one he hadn’t seen before. tattoos snaked up his arms. his ears were covered in small rings, studs and loops, particularly round his helix. a leather jacket sat on the chair behind him and remus assumed it was his. he had beautiful shiny blacked hair that was tied up in a messy bun with a pencil through it at the back of his head. remus’ eyes moved down towards his hands, which were adorned in silver rings. and his eyes seemed to glow with a kind of dark but soft energy.

fuck. me. he thought.

“can i help you?” the boy asked.

“errm, no. i think. yeah. i’m fine. all good. just, yeah, just looking.” he stuttered, his face burning up.

“alright, cool. well, let me know if you need anything.” grinned the boy, revealing a ring at the top of his teeth.

“gay. i mean, okay…”

oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. what the fuck was that? remus was sure the boy could see him blushing, not even in a cute way. just bright fucking red.

anyway, he could not let a cute boy - the hottest man he had ever seen in his life stop him now. he was on a mission and would not leave the shop until he was done.

he looked around the shop, thinking about lily. she was usually a classics type, liked old romances - but not the kind where the woman takes a passive role. the sort where she fought against her society, against the men and the time, and, although you knew she’d end up with a man, it was the journey she liked. now all remus had to do was find it.

he went over to the classics section and scanned the shelf. boring, gay, women, boring, too long, read already, gay, boring, sexist, genuinely awful and gay. clearly, the classics shelf had a lot to offer. remus ran a hand through his hair; this was going to be harder than her thought.

“are you sure you don’t need help?” asked the boy at the counter.

“ha, might take you up on that offer.” remus smiled.

“the strain of choosing a book, i feel you.” he said, walking over to remus.

“yeah, i know. i can never choose one. always end up spending hours in here, going over the pages.”

“well, what kind of thing are you looking for?”

“it’s a present for a friend. i kind of forgot it was today ‘cus i was gonna come yesterday but i had to work late because my boss is a dick and then i spilled curry on myself at 3am and cried and went to bed instead.”

fuck, he always did this, always overshared to the most random people at the most awkward times, great coping mechanism, right?

“sounds rough.” he said, giving remus a sympathetic smile. “almost as bad as mine.”

“oh?”

“yeah. i woke up late, missed the bus, which made me late for class, got shouted at by the teacher, forgot my homework, got shouted at again, cried in front of the class, stormed out, lost my keys, had to sleep at my mate’s house, listened to him and his girlfriend the whole night, watched eyeliner tutorials until 6am, got up for work, cried again, and i think that’s about it.”

“shit. slightly worse than mine,” he nudged. “but at least you didn’t spill curry on yourself.”

“no point crying over spilled curry.” the boy shrugged.

“too late for that.” remus laughed.

the boy laughed too.

remus smiled.

“anyway, you said you were looking for a book for your friend?”

“Yeah.”

“what kind of stuff do they like?”

“usually classics, with a female, feminist protagonist, something with enemies to lovers or friends to lovers, and where men don’t dominate the whole scene.”

“pretty specific,” the boy laughed under his breath. “but, i think i might have something.”

remus watched his eyes as he laced a finger across the shelf. they seemed golden in the light. and it was cute. really, really cute.

“ah-ha.” he said, pulling one out.

“little women.”

“little women indeed. have you read it?”

“yeah, a while back though, i think.”

“well, if your friend likes what i think they do, then she should really like this. it’s pretty beautiful and the story’s good and it’s very female-lead. yeah. should work.” he smiled.

“okay, cool. well, i’ll take it. how much?” he said, pulling his card out and walking over to the counter.

“usually 12 pounds. but i’ll do it for seven. because you look desperate. and cute.”

what? what the actual fuck? cute. this man. this fucking man had just called him cute. remus could have cried right there and then.

“haha, cool.” he said, trying to play it off.

he swiped his card on the machine.

“do you want me to wrap it for you? i can even put a bow on it, if you want.”

“yeah, sure. she’d like that. i’m shit at wrapping presents anyway.”

the boy picked up a roll of brown paper from behind him and cut a piece to fit the book, wrapping the paper around it and sealing it with tape.

“ooo, which ribbon?” he asked, showing remus blue, red and green rolls.

“the green.”

“good choice. my personal favourite.”

remus watched as the boy’s fingers looped the perfect bow of forest green. he went to take the book.

“oh, wait. hang on.” he reached up and pulled out the pencil that was holding his hair up. it all came tumbling down in a swath of shiny black and the boy shook it out of his face.

as if this man could not get any more pretty, remus thought.

the boy doodled a little smiley face and kiss on the paper.

“courtesy of yours truly.” he bowed.

“fabulous.” remus chuckled.

“have a good day cutie.” the boy waved as remus started to leave the shop.

“you too.” remus sighed.

and left the shop feeling a whole lot happier than he had done this morning. this boy had called him cute. this beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy had called him cute. and remus held on to that until the next time he saw him.

2 notes · View notes

blossom-rea · 3 years ago

Text

when we meet again | lee jeno

PAIRING~ deity/demon/inmortal!Jeno × fem!reader, computer science major!Jeno x art major!reader

GENRES ~ angst, fluff, past life lovers to strangers to friends to lovers, collegelau, reincarnation!au, fantasy!au, memory loss

WARNINGS ~ cuss words, mentions of death, major character death(past-life), mention of snakes?? this is barely proofread and it’s kinda rush I’m so sorry if you see something else that should be here let me know

SUMMARY~ Jeno hates the feeling of emptiness he's been having for almost 3000 years, being immortal was supposed to be funny but he can't remember anything from his past and how long will it take for his curse to end, what he knows is that Jaemin has been keeping secrets from him, and that every time he sees you he keeps dreaming about a life that has long been forgotten.

WORD COUNT ~ around 17k

TAGLIST ~ @keemburley @chitaphrrrr @neocuddlytechnology @bockhyun @blank-velvet

AUTHOR'S NOTE > hi!! this'll be my first time writing for the neos so tysm for checking it out, this is loosely based on the animated film "White Snake" and it's part of @aehyei Valentines Gone Wrong collab. hope you enjoy it, feedback is highly appreciated. Also english is my second language please keep that in mind and sorry for any inconvenience or if something is off

do not translate or repost

1. a little advice

before

It was cold, the whistling of the air broke the silence inside the cottage where he was lying, he couldn't remember going to bed, he couldn't remember anything. Who was he? What was he doing there? and why does he feel the need to hide?

Suddenly someone barges inside the hut, an old lady with a kind smile comes to him

“I see you're finally awake”

“Who are you? Where am I?”

“I was hoping you'll tell me the answer to the first question, as for the second, you're in our village, you fell down the waterfall and Shua found you, she was the one who brought you here”

“Shua?” he's so confused right now but the lady just nods

“Everyone said you weren't going to make it but here you are. Come with me, the others will arrive soon and Shua it’s with them ” as he follow the old lady around he could see many houses there hanging up rocks connected to another by numerous wood bridges, once they hit the ground he could see kids running around some men guarding the wall and a few others making what look like baskets

As they got closer to the wooden gates he could hear what sounded like a cart and voices overlapping over a faint hissing sound

“They returning from the hunting” the lady explain eyeing him carefully “you could make a really good snake-catcher if train” he felt shivers down his spine, the mere thought of it making him feel uneasy, as if wrath was boiling inside him for no apparent reason

“Have you been meeting our Shua in secret?” the lady inquired

“What?” the sudden question made him halt “I… I haven't, I do-on’t know her”

“That’s good, her father doesn't like you” she looks straight ahead “here they come”

He could see a group of people, coming inside the gates, all wearing the same kind of gear and, in the cart filled with baskets, there was her

now You had always wondered why in a world where magic had always been real people were so scared of it.

Many years ago people that had powers were a few but more common, unlike nowadays where those who had been blessed were so rare that people could not believe it, and it meant that even if they did have some sort of power they'll rather hide it, and it was exactly that what made the little shop at the end of one of the alleys downtown so enticing, many would talk about it, visiting in hopes they'll find what they've been looking for but none of the old habitants would dare say they've been there at least once.

Your mother had always been honest with you so you weren't surprised when she admitted she had visited the shop many times, she even had to get a lecture about your future before your birth but she had never told you what she heard and you were never brave enough to ask or to visit the shop by choice, it wasn't like you believed in that stuff to begin with but you rather not fill your mind with unwanted thoughts

"Where are you taking me?" You ask Haechan as he guides you through all the maze-alike streets, the more you walk the more the little shops start to appear, a little cafe hidden behind an old building or the flower shop next to the most boring travel agency ever seen, it's not that you're curious about your destination but Haechan has a way to get himself into the most unexpected things you just want to be ready

"I told you we're going to Renjuns workplace a little further from here," he says as he continues walking never letting go of your arm "he's in this shop they all talk about, the one with fortune telling which is what we are doing today" except you don't exactly want to have someone telling you your future "And why exactly are we doing that? Besides I know Renjun likes to believe in aliens and stuff but all this palm reading or whatever doesn't sound much like him

"Fortune-telling" he corrects you

"They don't need your palms for that and I know it doesn't sound like him but he isn't the one doing them"

“Still this sounds like a lot of bullshit" you roll your eyes of all the things he wants to get into, it had to be this "Look, I know it doesn't sound legit but Johnny came here because he's been wanting some guidance and said it actually helped him" you think of Mark's older brother coming all the way to this place but that too is something that he would do. As you come inside you notice the sign that reads "The Precious Jade", the shop is decorated with beautiful flowers here and there, drawers up to the ceiling, multiple tapestries, and the unmistakable smell of incense. You can see two people behind the counter, one is Renjun and the other he soon introduces as Ten, his boss and the owner of the shop.

"It's good to see you again" he says with a smile that seems to hide way too much

“How are you the owner? Is it new or..?" Haechan interrupts before you get a chance to ask where does he know you from

“Oh no it's been mine since the beginning, a couple of years ago now” the fact that he doesn't look older than twenty-five and has been owning the shop for a while now shocks you

‘'Whatever" is all Renjun says

"Yeah well okay. we're here for some future telling" Haechan speaks up before someone else says anything

"Future telling? I could offer you something else, something more exciting actually" the way Ten mischievous smiles makes you wonder what exactly can he have that'll interest your friend more than the future, but before you can question him you hear someone scoff, turning to the dark blue curtain you see another guy with black hair and wearing round glasses

"More exciting, he says" he shakes his head

"You shouldn't go around making such offers Ten, remember what happened last time"

"How to forget? I almost got killed after that one" you hear Renjun laughing while Haechan looks just as puzzled as you, the new guy turns to you with a little smile

“If you're interested in your future I'm the one for that, my name's Kun" you returned his smile but shake your head

"Oh it's not for me" you make sure to talk loud and clear but Haechan dismisses your words

"Yes, for her please, we want to know about her future, will she find love soon? Perhaps a soulmate?" You're not even sure what surprises you more that your friend is asking in your name about your love life or the soulmate's question, who even believes in that? But you just sigh and follow them behind the curtain deciding that the faster you end with it the better, after all, you have nothing to lose.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Jeno hated the shop, as years passed by he had managed to befriend the owner and the others that started working there but he hated how every time he was there he had the urge to ask Kun about his future as if it’ll ever change, he didn't know what he was waiting for, who he was expecting, all he knew was something was coming his way.

But today Kun wasn't there and he was running some errands for his forever roomie Jaemin, who was busy writing an article for the school's newspaper or so was his excuse.

“Have you been in the forest?” Sicheng questions him, everyone knows he avoids going to the forest but since he was the only one in the shop, plus he enjoys how serene the older demon was, he decided to be honest with him

“I went there” there as in the pagoda at the dark end of the forest, the place he always finds his way to, he sees Sicheng's wide eyes “I stayed outside all the time don't worry, but this time it felt different” he isn't sure why, he knows it has something to do with him and his useless memory but since he can’t remember, it doesn’t really matter, that's why after leaving that place he had hoped to find Kun here, he wanted to ask something he had thought for a fleeting moment standing outside of the temple

“You know I can't really talk to you about that” the tall boy behind the counter reminded him but he knows; that was part of his sacrifice, after all, giving up his memory as payment for whatever he had wanted. the thing is, it doesn’t matter what it was anymore cause he cannot remember and can do nothing about it,

“I don't want to talk about that, Sicheng, I'm just here for Jaemin's incense” Jeno tries to change the subject, to avoid getting a headache, he still needs to finish some code before Monday classes, for a moment he wishes he had chosen journalism as Jaemin had done, instead of electing for computer science but it was a little too late now, and after seeing Jaemin almost go nuts after writing over and over again the same note he decided computers were by far his thing

“You know, Haechan came by the other day” Jeno perks up at that mention of his teammate “what did he want?” He knew Haechan’s curiosity was incredibly vast but even after talking about the shop, and Renjun working there, he had never shown interest in coming over to lurk

“Nothing for him apparently, he came by with a girl, Renjun said she's a friend of theirs” the demon shrugs “either way he was asking about this girls future, something about love and soulmates I think” Sicheng moves around picking the particular smells Jaemin likes for his incense starting to pack them

“Soulmates?” he knows people often come to ask about their futures but it seems very odd for someone to ask about soulmates not to mention even believe in them

“That’s what he asked, she looked pretty much bored though but she was really kind, she’s the Y/N Renjun always talks about” Jeno has heard about you but he’s never actually meet you

“Did they get what they wanted?” He’s not sure why he’s asking that

“I guess, Haechan looked happy and Y/N more annoyed than anything, understandable since it wasn’t her idea, but yeah they bought some candles too; here you go” he hands him the package and Jeno hurries to pay for it, bidding goodbye he exits the shop with a neatly packed bag and thoughts of soulmates flooding his mind

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I can’t believe you went and played with magic like that!” you understood why Mark was so against it but his reaction was still a bit overboard, you were at McDonald’s a couple of days after your session with Kun who was very kind to answer every question Haechan had come up with

“I’m telling you is not magic, Kun said there are various methods, this one in question includes the constellations, your birthdate and some other considerations” Johnny rolls his eyes and you don’t know if it’s better because now his little brother is looking at him with a betrayed expression in his face

“I swear to god Johnny! If mom finds out she’s having your head, and mine too if she finds out I knew” Haechan mocks him on the side “and you shut up! I can still go and spill to your mom”

“I wasn’t even the one who get the answers, it was all for Y/N’s sake” Haechan complains

“You’re the one who took her there, and what do you mean for her sake? What was it that you even wanted to ask?”

You sigh, the main reason why Haechan took you there was because he wanted to find you a new boyfriend, he wanted guidance for you to find what he called ‘your soulmate’ you just thought he had seen too many rom-coms for your liking

“Well I'll have you know I'm helping Y/N find a new boyfriend” the way he said it, so proud of himself drags a laugh out of everyone on the table making him look around him disbelief and slightly offended

“Why would she need help with that?” Johnny laughs and you grinned at him, he has always been your favorite for a reason

“Because she isn’t even trying to begin with, plus it’s been ages since she had a boyfriend” you know what they’re all thinking but decide to stay quiet instead

“I know…” Mark starts “ that it’s been a while since she broke up with Soobin but I don’t think she needs to date someone if she doesn’t want to Haechan” he looks directly at your friend “I know you mean well but you shouldn’t be bugging her about that“

It was true that it had been a while since you’ve been on a date, after dating Soobin for almost 4 years you had been set on a couple of blind dates by some friends or accepting when someone asked you out but soon enough you had decided you needed a break, what you couldn't exactly understand was why Haechan was so against your ex, it wasn't like the break-up had been bad, you both had decided to part ways and remain friends, no hard feelings, you even see him from time to time and text regularly, and it had been that way for more than a year now, so why was this sudden urge to get you out in the dating scene, it wasn't like you didn't want to, after all, you were keener to date now, but the only one you had talked with was Yuqi and they were not particularly close for her to out you.

You see your friends get into a discussion whether it is too much or not to meddle in your love life and think back to what Kun had told you once Haechan had exited the room “your lover will come sooner than expected, you'll have no getaway but you have to remember whether you'll stay together or not it's up to you, it has always been up to you” if you had no getaway how could you decide, it was so confusing, you also had the feeling that you were missing something, as if you had met them before, so many questions and just a few answers, you can feel your head starting to hurt, it’s going to be a long semester

before

“What exactly is it that you study?” He asks curiously, Shua just shrugged

“The stars, esoteric arts, medicine, I combine herbs according to their benefits and how they’ll work depending on the sickness”

It’s been a couple of days since he woke up in the village, now she’s taking him to the place she found him

“How did you learn all that?, isn’t it a lot to memorize all these herbs and what they do, I feel like I could not do it” Shua laughs at his words

“I guess it’s kind of hard but we have everything written down, it’s something that’s been in our family for generations, we use them and update when needed, so I learned from my mother and she learned from her mother and so on” as they keep walking and talking he feels infatuated by her, he’s heard a lot about her from her grandma and from the people in the village, all of those she’d help, the ones that love her, he wonders how someone can be so kind, he doesn’t even remember his name now but he’s sure he’s never done half of what she has.

“It was there right below the waterfall” she announces when they arrive, her finger pointing someplace in between the rocks a couple of meters above the ground “I was in my cabin when I heard Du duo barking when I got there your clothes were all wet and you were passed out, I managed to take you down here and mended your injuries, after that, I send Du duo for help and they brought a cart, Nan said she’ll keep you in her house after my dad refuse”

He looks all the rocks above him unsure of the little voice telling him that he needs to climb up that he’s missing something, that he had something to do instead of whatever he’s doing right now

“I’ll go up” he decides, Shua turning to him

“What? No! You’re still recovering you wouldn’t survive if you fall a second-time mister”

“I’ll be fine” to Shua’s disbelief he jumps and lands smoothly on the rock above, surprising both of them

“You didn’t say you were capable of using magic!”

“I swear I didn’t know!” They both laughed

now

Everyone knows Na Jaemin is, besides a journalism student, part of the school’s newspaper, well known at the campus for his kind yet reserved personality he was loved by pretty much everyone around him. Despite him being a friend of your friends you had never have the chance to talk to him not even when you had seen him at the hockey matches he always attended whether he was writing a note or just to support his friends so when he came looking for you after your last class of the day asking if you could answer some questions about the upcoming exhibit that the art department was having at the end of the month, you had said yes and proceeded to spend your whole afternoon answering his questions until you ended up with him dropping you off at your dorm after he offered; a couple of days later when the next hockey match arrive you had bumped into him at the entrance of the ice rink and seeing you were there alone, since Yuqi couldn’t go along with you, he had invited you to sit with him in the bleachers closer to the ice rink so you spend the next hour and half on his right side while he explained to you and Renjun everything you didn’t understand about the game, you finally left the place with a little further knowledge in hockey and a new friend.

2. a face in the crowd

Jaemin always had a way to convince people to do things

Of all the things Jeno would have rather do on a Saturday morning he was walking into the amusement park just because both Mark and Jaemin had decided they wanted to celebrate their birthdays together there, which was funny because as immortal beings Jaemin and he didn’t have a birthday until his friend decided he wanted one for himself and gave him one too

Jeno wasn’t against going at all, but he didn’t feel like dealing with any of his friends' banter before noon, however, he should have known something worse was awaiting him.

When they arrived the park was dead empty just a few workers here and there ad people slowly filling up the park, to everyone’s surprise Mark and Haechan were late and with every passing second he was growing madder

“I think we should go and buy some tickets for all so we can just go in the lines later” Jaemin suggested watching his old friend grumpy face, he knew Jeno was mad because he had woken him up earlier than he ever would, Renjun could sense his mood too so he agrees with him as soon as the words left his mouth making Jaemin find his way to the ticket booth as fast as possible

“Why are they taking so long, they said they were out of the house at least half an hour ago and it’s not even that far” Jeno couldn’t wait to see his friends and smack their asses

“They went to pick up Y/N” Renjun explains as if he would care, he doesn’t like this Y/N and he doesn’t want to meet her now that she has made them wait almost an hour, an hour gone to waste.

as if on cue he can hear Haechan’s voice calling for them but he doesn’t turn, he would get to them eventually, when your trio finally meets them, he’s great by Haechan’s enthusiasm in the form of a hug, it is in that moment that Jeno sees your face for the first time, a concerned look on it with a frown and guilty eyes and plump lips that hold an apology he doesn’t want right now so before you can say anything he does

“Jaemin is getting us some tickets”

He makes sure to get himself out of Haechan’s grip and walks straight to Mark, out of everyone in their friend group Mark’s his favorite, always so calm and kind Mark has a way with words he will only dream of, he’s in such peace with himself Jeno often finds himself gravitating towards him, as he talks with him, Renjun finds a way to entertain you as Haechan is now on his back nodding to everything he says but before he knows it you are taken by slender arms pulling you to a back hug surprising Jeno in ways he can’t explain, Jaemin has always been affectionate but never has he seen him being that way towards a girl

For thousands of years, Jaemin had avoided forming any type of bond with people, of course, he had always been more friendly than him, but it wasn’t until recently that he open up to other people besides Jeno, however, he had always said he had seen what love could do and he didn’t want to test it, Jeno had wondered what exactly was that he had done to make Jaemin believe love was not worth it, after all, he knew he had lived love once and yet he couldn’t remember how it felt, seeing Jaemin’s arms around you, both of you smiling so wide made his heart clench in a way he never imagined and yet it made him wary of you, ignoring your presence throughout the day, after they introduced you, it wasn’t until everyone was arguing whether to have dinner out or go straight to Mark’s apartment that you stood next to him

“They always find a way to argue over simple things don’t you think” your voice was so soft and yet he had seen you manage Haechan on a whim

“They all have way too much passion inside them” he turned to look at you “especially your best friend” he motioned to Haechan who’s so into it that is speaking at a faster speed than usual, moving his hands everywhere, you laugh

“I wouldn’t have him any other way” your smile so warm looking over the boy “anyways I’ll like to apologize for making you guys wait earlier today, Haechan did say something about leaving early but I had pulled an all-nighter the day before so I overslept, I’m sorry” you do look sorry but he only nods at your words, seemingly satisfied with it you walk to your friends taking the car keys out of Haechans pocket

“We’re having pizza at Tony’s tonight, Channie” the boy looks at you in disbelief “that’s what Mark and Jaemin want, next time you can choose let’s go”

“Not so fast Y/N give me those keys!” but you’re way too far to care

“If you guys want a ride you better hurry, I won’t wait for anyone!” As you shout and Haechan trails behind you bickering, the rest of the group shudder and start following your steps.

That night Jeno went straight to bed after he arrived home from dinner, only to wake up hours later after a dream that still clouded his mind, your face surrounding his thoughts and a name in the tip of his tongue he didn’t recall knowing.

before

There was an attempted murder against the General, his soldiers were looking for him but he couldn’t remember if he was truly the one who attempted to commit the crime, he had remembered someone telling him that sometimes things just have to be done, he was sent on a mission but now all he had was a broken memory, a hairpin and the name of the shop that made it, Shua had heard about this place she had decided to accompany him through his journey, but the more they traveled the more he doubted himself, what if he was a bad person? Will he be worthy of her kindness?

“You know you shouldn't trouble with me right? After all, we don’t know what kind of person I am” he asks just to make sure

“I may not know yet, but I know you’re not evil” Shua’s faith in him was outstanding

They hadn't talked much after that, she had found an old boatman who was parting in the same direction as them, he had let them sail the boat with him, singing old songs while they travel down the river

“Still no memory?” Shua asked, he only shook his head “I can’t imagine how it must be not knowing yourself, where you’ve been, what you’ve done” a pause “but then again, there's a lot that's better off forgotten” she turns to look at him “Sometimes you look the wrong way and suddenly seasons change and our lives are gone, since they’re short but our sorrows long, so might as well just focus on the good things” she lets out a small laugh “your fate may be set in stone but how you live is not” he feels his heart warm, as both of them stay sitting side by side, he thinks he wouldn’t care not remembering who he is if it'll mean he'll get to stay with her

“You know it's like the song says “Why bother with earthly affairs when life is just a dream,” he thinks about her words and the meaning behind them

“You are right, but even if life is just a dream to have moments like this (shared with you) is worth it”

As they keep traveling through the mountains he feels more and more attached to her presence and wishes things weren’t as they are

“I'm a mysterious man, with unknown magic, I could either be a human or a demon” his words make Shua turn to him

“Do you think you are one?” her question renders him speechless “I mean, they all say they come in different shapes and sizes and they feed on the marrow and blood of humans, how could you be one? and even if you are a demon, so what?”

His words have turned to be right when they were attacked by another demon, who had accused him of treason, he had turned his body, legs for a tail and fought the other men, he had grown cold from within after that, failing to keep himself awake he had passed out

Shua had built a fire to keep him warm, holding him while he was unconscious, she had never left his side, hugging him until he woke up.

now

“I saw you have new friends” Yuqis words take you out of your daze, you're currently at your apartment living room trying to cram your way through the topics for your upcoming exam, Yuqi is an old friend and roommate, you look at her from your place in the floor asking her to elaborate

“I passed by your table at the library before, saw you with those two cuties” she’s smirking, you know what she’s on about but decide to ignore her tone and implications

“Jaemin said he couldn’t concentrate and needed pear pressure, and Jeno came following along I guess” truth is your friendship with Jaemin had blossomed in a way you hadn’t expected but, even though you had seen Jeno multiple times, he always seemed reluctant to be near you, you try to not give that much thought, despite that and your not related majors, you have found a way to study all together in the library before you had to leave for your afternoon class

“Sure, sure; well I’m starving. Can you take a break and eat dinner together? I’ll order us some food” that's rich coming from the saving queen herself, the both of you indeed enjoy cooking, but to her, it’s just utterly happiness following her strict saving policy

You nod and wait until she’s back from her shower telling you food it’s on its way

“By the way, how’s the search for the love of your life going?” you laugh at her words, ever since the little visit to the shop Haechan had been more than eager to set you up in more than one blind date with his friends, even after you declined those he kept coming offering you every day someone different.

“I don’t think it’s stopping any time soon” you sigh “I’m considering taking his offer tho, do you know Osaki Shotaro?”

“I know him! He’s that foreign student in the dance department, he’s such a cutie a saw him dancing the other day” you had seen him too, it was a small showcase from the dance department that had taken place a few days ago and it was open to everyone who wanted to see, you were dragged there by Renjun since he befriended said guy and wanted to go to support him, he was talented and you could see why everyone was head over heels for the boy, but now Haechan had, somehow, befriended Shotaro too and he had as he said ‘put in a word’ for you and now was trying to get you to accept a date with him

“Haechan knows him and wants me to go on a date with him” Yuqi turns to look at you

“He what? He’s hasn’t even spend a year here” you hum

“That’s what I said, I talked to him the day of the showcase, since Renjun is friends with him too, he’s nice but I don’t think I want to try out with him”

“I can’t believe Renjun is his friend, he’s too cute for a meanie like him” you push her arm

“Renjun is not mean! He’s nice and sweet” you defend your friend

“To you probably, I swear to god he always finds a way to get on my nerves, the other day he saw some of my drawings for class, I need to prepare for a full pictorial and he said those were ass” you know Yuqi has been under a lot of stress by this assignment but you can’t help to think Renjun is right, her drawings are really bad and she’s always graded badly for it even if the final result is beyond your imagination

“I mean, your sketches are pretty bad Yuqi, but I know you’re trying and you can make art with your hands just not on paper”

“Thank you! Some appreciation is needed but he just comes criticizing me, I pray for his future girlfriend” you don’t mention anything about the last bunch because even after almost four years they’ll never accept they like each other and you’re not going to start that discussion again, so you just wait and see who will confess first.

before

“You are here! I thought you left without saying goodbye” those were her words when she had found him sitting by the door of the temple that had guarded them, he had intended to do so, leave without saying goodbye

“I have a tail, now we know, I am a demon”

“Does it matter?” her question surprised him “there are too many bad people who have feet? What’s wrong with having a tail?” her acceptance matter, even after knowing, after seeing him kill another demon, she still accepted him, she still wanted to help him, she had held his hand, and they had walked together until they spotted the little shop, once they open the door they were received by two little men clad in tunics and another one with fancy clothes, the grin on his face inviting, the look in his eyes knowing

“I see you’ve come again, is there any issue with your artifact?” his question’s directed at him, but he's at loss for words

“we’ll like to know more about it” the face of the men quickly changing for the one of a fox, his nose scenting Shua, a wider grin on his face

“You reek of demon yet you are a human, tell me, were you close with a demon lately?” he lets out a mocking laugh changing his face back again “follow me” both of them follow the men through the doors behind the entrance

“All the demons in the area come to the Jade workshop when they need personal artifacts, we specialize in forging artifacts for demons, and I'm the owner of the shop” another smile throw their way “name’s Ten” they follow him through what looks like a pond before it turns around with them in it, pulling them underwater but not really under it until they reach another room

“That hairpin of yours originally belong to somebody else, it’s function is to absorb others powers for your use”

“Absorb others powers?”

“A marvelous artifact if you ask me, you came here last time to modify it, so that you could use it” he starts walking around the room checking what his workers are crafting a vase, a bell, a coronet everything needs to be approved by him “but you see, modifications such as this may lead to dire consequences”

“It makes sense that you can’t remember anything then” at Shua’s words Ten hums in agreement

“Understandable, you take other powers but lose your memory in return, if your memories are gone what can you even do if you have the powers. It’s the law of heaven after all, that you must lose something to obtain something, what a fabulous work” he claps a little

“Why did you do it then?”

“The young man was determined” his face changes again to the one of a fox his voice even lower “it's also due to the vanity of an old fox, transformations, implantation, turning demons into humans, humans into demons, and all the other unholy things are interesting to us, I'm even thinking of letting people know their fates”

now

Jeno doesn’t like parties, their team had won but he still didn’t want to celebrate, however, his teammates decided to not take no for an answer and drag him all the way to Yangyang’s house, he thinks it’s funny how he always ends up doing things he rather not do and yet he’s here a soda in his hand as he makes his way through the crowd, he really cannot go, he’s supposed to drive the boys and you back home.

Yangyang’s house is way too big, too much space, too many people, it takes a while before he finds some rather secluded place where the music it’s not too loud and the bodies aren’t pressed together.

He likes quiet, the backyard it’s almost desolate just a few people here and there they’re all minding their own business, no one cares about him, he lays down in one of the chairs near the pool looking at the night sky wishing he could see the stars, there was a time when he didn’t know them, when he was taught how to read them and their meaning, all by the hand of someone he couldn’t remember, he knew it was there, somewhere inside his mind, his hands were tinted in red, his memories erased by the pain if only he could stop seeing you in his dreams, ever since he met you he’s been dreaming, and he’s not sure if his dreams are true, he’s sure he can recognize your face in a sea of people, the only face in a crowd he’s sure he knows and yet, he’s not sure of what to call you, was it your face or was his mind playing tricks on him, he’s not sure

“We were supposed to have a clear view of the stars today,” you say as you lay done in the chair on his left, he doesn’t bother looking at your side, just humming a response

“Did you know that we’re pretty much looking at the past?” It’s not the first time you try to start a conversation with him, but he wonders how much have you drink by the way you talk “I’ve always loved the night sky, it’s so pretty, my mama used to say, she used to say, something about my dad living in a castle in the sky before my grandma said he was going back to his cycle, and I always wonder which was true, you know, if we do get to live another life”

“You don’t believe in reincarnation?” he’s surprise

“I mean, you can never be so sure of anything, I don’t particularly believe in many things, I didn’t believe in magic until I went to The Precious Jade shop” he looks at your profile, eyes glinting and mouth curved into a smile “there are so many things there Jeno, so many” your arms move illustrating your words “I’ve been there twice now, but Mark doesn’t know” you put your finger to your mouth signaling a secret

“Why did you go there Y/N?” you half shrug and wave dismissively with your hand

“It’s not important really” your body turns towards him glaring

“You’re very rude, did you know that?” you don't let him answer “ever since we met, you’ve been rude, and I really don’t know why, I’m not asking you to like me but you really go around just shutting yourself whenever I’m around the boys but when we are alone you do talk, it makes no sense Jeno! It really doesn’t! I just want to be friends with you” you sound so mad with your hands in fists

“For someone who wants me to talk you been doing all the talking, don’t you think” you get flustered by his words, a little red covering your cheeks “besides who said I wanted to be your friend” he uses a joking tone, hoping it makes you smile, it’s not that he doesn’t like you, but he has seen things he wished he never see

You do laugh, calling him rude once again but there’s something in your eyes he cannot quite understand, he keeps you talking for his sake, he likes the soft tone of your voice even with slurred words.

The night fades away with the sound of your laughter and the stories exchange about cats and school, Jeno swears he’s going to ignore his dreams, you’re kind and he’s foolish to believe otherwise

When the boys decide it’s over you made your way next to a clingy Haechan back to his car putting your friends on the back seat, making them fit, while you sit on his side, singing the tunes on the radio and giggling when any of them made up the lyrics, he drops you off at Mark’s place where Johnny waits for you and his roommates, and while he drives off with the two rest drunk men on his backseat he thinks about the thousand years he’s spent meditating that had never provided the calm he craves and how for a moment that night he felt close to reach it, while he was by your side.

before

They had left the shop after getting a little more information from the owner who had given them a scale from the previous owner, he knew that because he could feel his origins within it too, as they both walk the path that’ll lead them back to the temple they found the day before they sense someone in the shadows, as the figure of a man approaches them turning more violent, especially after seeing Shua, going directly towards her, ready to attack, he puts himself right in front of her, their powers colliding the other men calls his name

“Jeno!” somehow it triggers the memories he has, of said men in his life, the one that is like a brother to him “Jaemin?” he feels overwhelmed by emotions, suddenly a wave of memories returning to him, he hugs his friend a deep breath leaving his mouth “Jaemin, I finally remember who I am”

They all walk back to the temple, Jaemin telling him about the mission their master had entrusted him to, but everything about that time is a blur and why is the General and his counselor catching snakes? What do they need them for?

“He practices the Lunar arts, which is the same linage as snakes” Jaemin explains “He steals the essence of our souls to gain strength, that's why master wanted you to go and absorb the general and his counselor essences to finally get rid of them and be free” he looks directly at Shua “Humans are treacherous”

“Not her” Jeno stands between them “she’s different Jaem, she helped me when I was so lost”

“She's still a human, she belongs to the catcher village, she's an accomplice, she deserves to die!” once again Jaemin’s rage turns visceral lashing against her, as if she could protect herself, Jeno tries to distract him to no avail his wrath is uncontrollable

“You have forgotten our master's warnings Jeno, she's a human, all humans are liars!”

“I might not remember the warnings, but I know her, she’s not like that!”

“But I do remember!!” at Jaemins display of power the ground trembles and collapses, revealing the underground part of the temple, too many doors that could provide refugee to escape his brother's rage, only to end up stuck in a demon's trap

3. an empty heart

now

You were going to kill Na Jaemin.

When he invited you to the movies you had agreed but he had failed to mention his best friend was coming over too, so now that you were in the presence of the man you had been actively avoiding for the past 2 weeks you were at loss of words and mad

The morning after the party you had woken up with a really bad hangover and the memories of calling him out had shamed you ever since, it wasn’t like you didn’t mean the things you said but you weren’t friends to be saying anything of the sorts even if he was kind enough to not get angry, he even had driven you home for god's sake, you were beyond embarrassed.

So after two weeks of walking the other way whenever you saw him and eating all your meals with Yuqi or alone to avoid the group gatherings, even canceling movie night on Friday because you knew he was going to be there it all had failed thanks to your reporter friend

“I didn’t know you were coming too” you try, really try to not sound as blunt as you do

“Yeah, I was the one to told him about the movie actually” he scratches the back of his neck “I’m really sorry he’s not here too, but it was an ultimate notice note and well he can’t lose it, and it’ll be a shame to have you come all the way for nothing” you shake your head

“Nonono it’s okay, really– are you buying anything? Would you like some popcorn?” You try to divert the topic

“We should buy some, I think” so you nod and made your way to the line trying hard not to think too much, if he feels uncomfortable he doesn’t mention and you really can’t look at his face to tell so you follow his lead, it’s only after you’re seated that you realize it’s the first time since you’ve met that you haven’t made any attempt to start a conversation with him, you are actively trying to ignore him, making yourself comfortable in your seat paying attention to the trailers before the movie begins

“Have you been good?” His voice pulls you out of your thoughts

“What?”

“Oh, it’s just– the guys said they haven’t seen you in a while so I thought you were probably sick”

“Ahhh, that? No, I’ve– I was been just helping Yuqi with one her assignments, she needed a model after hers bail on her so I was helping her out” that’s wasn’t completely a lie, you had help Yuqi but only after she had seen you cling to her for an entire week without explanation, of course, you had told her everything after and she had let you follow her only if you help which you gladly did, “What was it about?” his voice is full of curiosity you can’t stop the words from flowing

“She had to prepare a full pictorial, you know, the theme, the clothes, makeup and hairstyles, everything! Since her theme was rather risky she was stressed, but everything turn out well, it was really pretty, she told me I could keep one of the dresses after she got her score” you smile, thinking back modeling for her had been fun, he smiles back, his eyes turning into crescent moons he says something you can’t quite catch as you’re distracted by his beauty before the light turn off and the movie starts to roll, none of you talk until you’re making your way out of the cinema, discussing everything you didn’t like about the movie, you leave first to dinner with some of your classmates.

That night you received two texts from an unknown number, the first saying they enjoy hanging out with you, the second telling you he got your number from Jaemin and hope you don’t get mad, it’s not hard to tell who it is. You sure hope something will shift.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You make your way through the streets that have become too familiar to you, the shop stands tall before you in no time and you quickly make your way in, you know Ten is waiting for you, just as he was last time, he greets you with a smile that doesn’t meet his eyes

“He said you’ll come” he whispers you tilt your head

“Kun said so, I kind of hope you didn’t”

“And why is that?” You feel a little hurt after all you were excited to meet him

“Because I have to relay a message now” he proceeds to talk you through a topic you had forgotten only you leave the shop with a piece of information you’re not sure you wanted to know.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The boys had convinced you to study together again, so you find yourself walking into the library and you can clearly see the three guys sitting there conversing animatedly with each other, you can even see Jeno’s smile which takes you back to your recent encounter and him actually texting you over the week, you’re not gonna lie saying it didn’t excite you, after all he was way too sweet and considerate and you often found yourself thinking of him. you sit in the empty chair and they proceeded to fill you in on whatever they’re talking which turns to be hockey, more specifically the upcoming match with HYB U

“Are you coming?” It takes you by surprise that Jeno is the one asking and not Jaemin but as far as you know that match it’s supposed to be played in HYB U campus next town, not in NCU

“Isn’t that going to be in HBU?” you ask just to confirm “I never go to out of town matches though, I just cheer for my boys from here” you tilt your head towards him and you swear you can hear Renjun’s muffled laughter

“You never go?” Jaemin asks but you just shake your head

“Why do you call them your boys? Don’t you think that’s kinda cringy even for you” Renjun’s question is full of tease and disgust

“Leave me alone!” You groan extending the last letter “besides you’re my boy too” you give him the sweetest smile you can muster before Jaemin calls you again

“What about me? Am I your boy too?” He wiggles his eyebrows making you laugh but you can hear his friend telling him to stop, you drift back to other topics before Renjun parts leaving you with the roommates, as you start to take things out of your bag you sense Jaemin is curious about something but he doesn’t seem brave enough to ask out so you decide to do it for him

“What is it that you want to know?” Jaemin eyes widened at your question seeming more nervous than before

“I’m sorry” he apologizes “it’s just– it’s not my business but Haechan said something about not letting you go there and so I grew curious and, well, yeah–” you don’t know why you even bother at this point, your best friend is a resentful imbecile and it seems it’ll stay like that forever, you hear as Jeno once again nags Jaemin about being too nosy but you decide to share

“It’s not something bad,” you think it isn’t but a little voice inside your head tells you otherwise “well, I mean– it’s just, you see” you pause seeing that both boys have their eyes on you, you aren’t going out of this “my ex studies there” you deadpan, they both gape at you “but it really is nothing, we’re still friends, it’s just Haechan being petty” you start babbling “he doesn’t like Soobin and acts spiteful towards him, he doesn’t like when we meeting up and yeah, but we’re on good terms, really, I just don’t go there because it’s too much traveling back and forth, and so yeah”

“Is he a hockey player too?” that comes from Jeno and Jaemin looks just as shocked as you suppose you do

“He, no, he’s a dancer” they both nod and you go back to the notes you have already taken out of your bag without a word but your mind goes overdrive, it’s not that big of a deal, Soobin and you had been happy together once to many years before and while your relationship took many things from you it wasn’t entirely his fault but yours too, the both of you were guilty of everything going wrong with it, you were young and dumb and you both ended hurting each other, but there was still appreciation and you still hope for him to succeed and be happy and you knew he wished the same for you because you had been friends before it all started.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Studying together at the library had become a regular occurrence, Jeno often found himself excited to meet up even if Jaemin wasn’t going, which happened a lot since the newspaper suddenly lost two of their best reporters, the dreams hadn’t stopped but they were usually so short and uncertain he still couldn’t piece them together even the fox didn’t have an answer to his questions often sending him back to just ignore them as if it was something easy to do, ignoring them wasn’t easy, especially after the constant presence of you in his life

Jeno was getting to know you, and everything felt like you but at the same time, like it wasn’t, as if you were two different people in one without even knowing, and yet, for him, it made sense.

Ten always says that there’s always a price you have to pay for the things you want, even if sometimes it’s something we don’t want to give away. The fox demon knew this very well since he’s used to making deals for much more: to give up your humanity, to take your essence, or to give up your love and grief, Jeno knew he had turned humans into demons, he had sold weapons to dragon kings or warriors and he had taken away the pain of a peach blossom demon to help them move to their next reincarnation, and yet he had reminded him that he once too had been young and self-indulgent, given away more than he should have

As a demon, he had done bad things but Jeno liked to believe he had never acted without motive or remorse and yet it wasn’t just that what stops him to fall for you, or to accept he was falling, something else prevented him from that, and he still couldn’t remember what it was

Sharing supplies with Renjun during studio sessions was a given, while he managed to paint rich landscapes you always had a hard time with those. But now as you splash the canvas with green and blue you think this is the best one you’ve ever made, it’s been a while since you’ve painted a landscape that you actually like, so you try to focus on it and avoid any intrusive thought, it’s usually not hard since having Renjun provides you certain calm, but even he seems uneasy and you don’t know why. “You know” he starts “ I heard something” you turn to look at him, “Ten said you went to the shop again” you stared at him you did go but you hoped not to tell anyone “I don’t want to know why I just want you to know I don’t judge, I work there, after all, I just hope whatever you got there actually helped you” he smiles

You think Renjun is way too sweet for his own good, he’s not the only one who would have said that but he sure has a way to approach things it makes you want to lay it all on him, and yet you don’t, you thank him and smile back before you both go back to your canvas but now but your mind is crowded with what you were told. That day at the shop Ten had talked about soulmates again, but this time he make sure to mention this didn’t apply to lovers only, according to him platonic soulmates were a thing that of course made you think of your friends, you were sure that if your soulmate turns to be a platonic one it’ll be one of them.

Hyuck still hadn’t found someone who you’ll accept a blind date with, and in the meantime, you had gone back to just hanging out with them, you had somehow grown close to Jeno that even the guys pick it up after he sat next to you once on movie night, Jeno was still pretty reserved but he was now the one initiating conversations, texting you random things and meeting you at the library often and you were terribly comfortable with him, he provided some sense of familiarity you couldn’t quite understand

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

It was after one of the study sessions that Jeno had offered to drive you, since it was late, you had suggested that you could get dinner before heading home and he had accepted, so now you were seated beside him at a little Korean restaurant sharing tteokbokki and talking, Jeno’s eye smile makes you swoon more than you’d like to and he looks so happy and comfortable you feel warm inside

“This place has been here since the 80’s I think, it’s a family business, you see those photos” you turn to look at the wall he’s pointing with his finger and nod “those are them”

“Wow, how did you find this place?” You pick a rice cake and take it to your mouth

“It was coincidental, I was kind of lost and found a way here” he turns to the old lady sitting by the entrance that had greeted him so effusively when you arrived “that lady has been feeding me ever since” his eyes shine so bright you wonder if you have ever seen someone with prettier eyes, you're going down bad, you ignore the missing beats of your heart and the nervousness that direct eye contact gives you, but when he sees you which such fondness in his eyes you allow yourself to hope, even a little bit.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I heard you’ve been stealing my best friend” it’s the first thing Haechan says when he saw him at the beginning of practice, and while it’s true you’ve been spending time together Jeno didn't expect to get a reaction from Hyuck

“What?”

“I saw you together at Neo Cafe the other day, very rude of you to not invite me”

“It was a coincidence actually, not that you care I assume”

“That’s right, I don’t believe in coincidence, especially since I notice you two have grown really close, am I right?”

“She’s nice” it’s all Jeno says, he focuses on finish stretching before the coach comes back, but of course, he would have known his friend better

“So I’ve heard, you know it’s funny because this friend of mine came to me asking to be on a blind date with her, he’s such a nice guy I wouldn’t mind him dating her, you know but then I thought of you, so I better make sure everything is fine before anything happens right?” Jeno feels something boiling inside of him, the idea of you going out with someone else annoys him and at the same time makes him subdued and yet he doesn’t think he’s in any position to complain

“Why would I care?” That’s exactly what he questions himself, he shouldn’t but he does

“I thought you were interested but I guess not” the coach finally enters the ice rink calling them all into formation while anger fill him up, he skates faster, he hits harder, he lets loose of his powers while he lets anger consume him from within, the dreams were bad enough to deal with but now the idea of you with someone else brings a sense of hopelessness he hasn’t felt before

Once he’s out of practice he hopes Jaemin it’s not home but of course, the deities have never listened to his prayers because his friend is there, Jeno doesn’t even try to hide

“You’ve been acting up” his friend accuses him “and you’ve been hiding things but I let it slide, now your mood it’s bad bad and I want to know why because when we met up before practice you were happy, so what happened?” Jeno thinks of the irony of his friend accusing him of hiding things when it’s exactly what he’s been doing for ages now but he doesn’t want to argue, he feels too tired for that he just wants to give up, “I’ve been dreaming” he starts, he has to tell the truth after all it’s long overdue

before

The secret tunnel underneath the temple turned out to be a maze, a trap to exorcise demons with fire, extinguishing them if one walks too close to the array but it turns to be harmless to humans, each door in every new room symbolizes something different, choosing the wrong one means death, only the door of life could help them get out

“It's okay,” Shua says once they arrive at a different room “don't worry and don't walk too close to the trap, I’ll look for the way out” a little smile on her face

Jeno watches as she goes before eyeing the trap in front of him and the inscription on it

“Demons and monsters are to be revealed and killed, bodies and souls obliterated” sudden memories that are supposed to be forgotten come back, the pain of his kind, all the snakes that are hunted and killed to strengthen the General, the grief for those who can't ascend, all the lives that have been lost. Shua comes back to him telling him about the way out but he can't listen, he remembers but he wishes he didn't

“Ah Shua, are demons only born to be annihilated?” his words make her gasp

“No Jeno, it shouldn’t be like that, the more demons they kill the world turns more chaotic” she kneels before him holding his arms “It doesn't matter what you are Jeno, it doesn't matter what happens I will be there for you” her words reassure him and he finds himself pulling her close, his head on the crotch of her neck, he stays there, absorbing her warmth until he decides he has had enough, his mind made up for what he knows he has to do, he pulls back holding her face in his hands and kisses her, bodies pressed to each other, he can't have her close enough, he kisses her with all of him, trying to put all his emotions in the kiss, returning the acceptance that she has given him, the kindness and the love she has shown him before they have to face reality again.

now

You know something must have happened, ever since you got Jenos number you've been texting nonstop, random text here and there, but it’s been almost a week since he answer any of your texts, so when Friday comes you walk into the guy’s apartment for movie night, you had hoped to just have fun with them, especially since it’s the first time you've come to Jeno and Jaemin’s place, that however seems will be difficult by the tense atmosphere around them, you don’t know what happened but you sure want to know the reason behind it.

While the night flies away with the attempts to make things better you notice it’s not exactly all of them but Jeno who seems to be upset, you want to question him and yet decide against it because he might just want to give whatever happened some thought. It’s not until the Chinese takeout arrives that everyone starts to relax and joke around, and you swear you’re going to have a good night but you jinx it with the mere thought

“You will never believe what happened!” Haechan starts as if he just remembered the information, everyone turns to look at him since he is the primary source of information and gossip

“Someone told me they like Y/N!” you choke on your food, and while Mark tries to give you some water to calm you down you can see Haechans naughty eyes

“Don’t act so shocked we all know you’re a cutie” Renjun laughs at that approving his words

“Well, and what happened?” That comes from Jaemin who looks distraught

“Well they asked me if she’ll be interested in a blind date with them, of course, I said I’ll ask but I just remembered” he turns to look directly at you now “what you say, darling, you up for a date?” His question drags everyone’s eyes on you except the one who seems to be more interested in his food, the one you turn to look unconsciously at, some part of you, the one who has accepted your interest in certain dark-haired boy hopes he meets your eyes because he somehow, might feel, just a tiny bit like you, but he never does and you tell yourself he has never actually shown anything of the sorts, that he is only friendly, you still feel disappointed.

You look directly at Hyuck’s eyes and then look back at Mark who’s always the voice of reason and think how they would feel if you were to tell them that afternoon Soobin called and ask you on a date too

“It’s a shame,” you said “cause I already say yes to someone else” You don’t miss Haechans wide eyes, never expecting that response, your friends go crazy with your words asking you who it is, you decide to just throw the bomb and think about the consequences later

“Soobin called” everyone quiets “he’s coming and asked me out” you look directly at your best friend, “I said yes” you look around to see all your friends faces, except you’re meet with Jeno’s closed expression that makes you feel like you finally shut a door that was never fully open and yet never close, and for a moment you think back of the little shop at the end of the street you haven’t visited since last time, of the advice Kun had given and the talks you share with the owner, and you think that if soulmates were real, and you were to have one it was definitely not going to be Lee Jeno.

before

They walk hand in hand through the tunnel, once they're finally out they meet a rather calm Jaemin waiting for them, Jeno knows what he should do, he walks directly toward him

“It's okay Jaem, I’ll go with you” Shua stops, looking for his eyes

“What are you doing?”

“I think- we should go separate ways. The rules must be obeyed, Shua. There are things, things that you don't want to do but have to be done nevertheless” he doesn't turn to look at her, he doesn't think he could “You are a human. I am a demon. As you said before, in the boat, some things are better forgotten” he feels his chest hurt

“You are right,” she says, her head low “Humans and demons have different destinies after all, but ours it's the same. What we have is real” she lifts her head “I’ll find a way. For us, I’ll be back. Wait for me” they’re dreading the results, Jeno knows and Shua does too but he waits, he waits for her to return

“She’s a human, she’ll be killed if we are together” he thinks

“I don't think she’ll return, brother, we should go” Jaemin tries to convince him but he doesn't want to listen “we’ve been together for hundreds of years, we’ve meditated and trained until our bodies are what they are today, but we are demons at the end, will she still love you when the time comes and you are unveiled?” Jeno tries to walk away but he won't let him, “I thought only humans could understand the feeling of love”

“I thought I was human when I woke up”

“What is so good about knowing the feeling of love then?”

4. not if but when

now

You pick your glass and take it to your mouth, you weren’t lying when you said you had accepted a date with Soobin.

The both of you had thought why not, no hopes, no promises just give it a try, but as the dinner continues you feel nothing changing, he’s a friend and you love him like one. You don’t think is wrong what you’ve done, however, you could never expect Haechan outburst when you told them, he was so mad it shocked you, you had left the apartment in hopes of him calming down and gone the next day to theirs, which was proven to be a bad idea, he had shouted even more hurtful words than before making Johnny mad in the process, so now Haechan was only talking to Mark, Johnny had spent almost two weeks in his girlfriend's place and you had exiled yourself from any of your friends beside him, Yuqi or Renjun who had kindly reminded you it wasn’t your fault when he found you crying at an empty classroom after one of your classes, so everything was pretty much a mess

“You feel it too right?” Soobin question takes you out of your thoughts

“What exactly?” Your not sure what he means

“It feels like a normal dinner with a friend” he smiles and you smile back nodding

“I really wanted to give it a try” “Me too”

“I didn’t–“ “I know” he laughs

“We really fucked up, back then, didn’t we?” He doesn’t wait for your answer “I used to think we will get married someday, you know, I loved you so much and you loved me back, but then I just took, I took and kept taking and expected for you to want the same things I did, I never notice how much it was hurting you, I’ll always be sorry for that” you’ve noticed that every time you’ve seen him since your breakup he looks sorry as if every time he sees you he can’t help but think of your hurting but the thing is he hurt too, you sigh

“I know you’re sorry, Soobin, but it wasn’t entirely your fault, I used to believe love was giving myself away, and I was wrong too, we both were, we couldn’t let go of the things we learn, and we couldn’t move forward with how things were” you pause hoping he get everything you’re trying to say “I don’t blame you, we both were young and dumb and trying our best with what we had”

He drops you off at your building after the last hug and the promise of messaging you regularly, and you feel lighter as you make your way to your apartment, hoping things get better between you and Haechan and that somehow you get to forget you ever hoped of a destiny written in the stars

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Midterms arrive before you notice, you have a free week before you have to go back to classes so as always your plan to go back home to spend some days with your mother this time accompanied by Yuqi who also is free. so you both are taking the train that’ll take you home on the other side of town. You’re not surprised when your mom picks you up at the station, but when she asks about your best friend you simply say he stayed behind with Mark and Johnny because of a different schedule.

Things weren’t solved just yet, especially because this time you were not going to be the one to say sorry first, so you were waiting, and it didn’t bother you, for him to realize what exactly he did wrong, especially since it wasn’t some little thing that could be ignored, and Yuqi was more than willing to remind you every time you almost gave in

As days pass by and Yuqi makes her way into your mother's heart, you find yourself dwelling on your thoughts of the precious jade and a boy who never said too much and yet made your heart swell, of course, your mother knew something had happened and the day before you returned to campus she had taken you both into the kitchen to help her made cookies

“Y/N used to help since she was little,” she tells Yuqi “she’ll bring her friends over too, mostly Haechan and then Mark and even Johnny would come too” your friend only smiles “those boys always eating too many cookies but of course, they’ll help to make them” you laugh at the memory of a very confused Mark adding too much salt which has made him end in cleaning duty “Mark always had a hard time but at the end, he learn to follow a recipe”

“You have to admit he’s good at following orders now” you defended your friend, she just laughs and nods

“Darling” she calls out for you “I saw miss Lee yesterday, she said Haechan is back but she hasn't see you” you halt, Yuqi looks directly at you “oh no, don't give me that look darling, i'm not trying to nag, i know you guys will resolve whatever happened between the two of you, after all you've been friends for years now” she smiles at you “you know I always thought you'd end up with him right?” you look at her in shock whie Yuqi laughs her ass off “Ma!” “its true darling, but then he call me a few weeks ago telling me how he found someone for you” your friend finally ends laughing “he did what?” she asks “yes, he calls me all the time to tell me he's looking after you” she smiles “but I was so shook when he told me that, but he didn't say much about him just that I’ll love him when I meet him, I wanted to know more though” Yuqi looks back at you “why would he do that?” you just shrugged, there were a lot of things your best friend would do that never made sense to you, that night however your heart warms at the thought of your friend calling your mother to let her know about you even when you call her regularly and you think back to all the times you've written a text to his mother and all the nagging you've done in order for him to call her once every two weeks even when you know he texts his siblings just to know about her without her knowing because even if he is an imbecile he still is cares for the ones he loves.

Haechan had made his way into your apartment a couple of days before you started classes again, he had gone with food in his hands and an apology in his mouth just to both end up sobbing in each other's arms, that night you had lay side to side in your bed talking everything out

“I knew you like Jeno,” he says once you had stopped talking you turn to look at him “I knew because I saw you with him multiple times at the cafe, the library too and I saw his texts once we were together and you left behind your phone while you were in the bathroom,” you think back of the boy who still has not contact you, you don't blame him after all you had cast a wall between you the last time you saw him, that however made you sad

“I don't think he likes me Hyuck” you smile at your friend “but it's fine I just wish I hadn't grown so used to him, it's hard to have all this radio silence from his side”

“I think he is perfect for you, you know” that surprises you “it could have never thought of that at first, but then I saw you together and it made sense you know” then he proceeds to tell you exactly why you would be perfect together and why he won't push you to do nothing

before

The General’s counselor had found them, and surrounded the temple with his troops. They fought and Jeno couldn't believe the power of the hairpin, leaving it as his last resource it had absorbed all the power the counselor had within seconds, leaving him defenseless, what he hadn't expected was to be turned into a giant snake.

After listening to the men said the General was heading to the catcher's village it was his chance to finally get rid of him but she had returned

Shua had come back to him, she had turned herself into a demon while he destroyed a whole looking for revenge

“I see that you returned” Jaemins words are mocking “but Jeno turned himself into a giant python” he looks at her more intently “you're one of us now, I see, after such a little time with him” he laughs “tell me after seeing him in his full demon form, are you still fond of him?”

Shua was.

She had tried to stop him, calling out his name, trying to stop him from going to the village where the General awaited

“Jeno, just see, I'm one of you now, I went to the shop, turned myself into a demon, we can be together now, it doesn't matter if you are this big now, there's a whole world out there, full of wonders, we can discover it, together and free. Come with me, Jeno, I know we can be happy”

now

Jaemin looks at him in disbelief, it's been weeks since the movie night fiasco and he knows Haechan hasn't apologized just yet but now out of shame so he had gone and tried to knock some sense into him which is why Jaemin is staring at him from his bedroom door

“You're telling me you pep talk Haechan into apologizing but you still won't do that after ghosting her,” Jeno thinks it not the same but he accepts he's quite a hypocrite

“I don't think I can do it, Jaem” “why not Lee Jeno?” he ignores the fact that even if he's using his last name I have no effect on him since he feels not a single attachment to it

“I really don't think you understand Jeno, you are good for her, nightmares or not” he sighs going out of the room just to return with something in his hands, the hairpin he safely keeps “look, i think it's time you finally have this” he handles the hairpin to him but Jeno just look at it warily not even attempting to take it, Jaemin groans, he looks so done with him right now, he puts it in his nightstand instead “you're really getting me out of my nerves, that it's yours, it has always been” Jeno raises his eyebrow “so, whenever you feel ready, just take it, it will solve many things” he looks at Jeno one last time before exiting the room and closing the door behind him, Jeno looks closely at the item place in his nightstand but he doesn't think he’ll be brave enough to grab it tonight, he decides to go to sleep and deal with it later, but probably he should have done it because when morning comes he's sure hes seen you die but he's not sure if he was the one trying to save you or the one who got you dead

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

He's on his way to class when he sees you again, at first you don't see him, you're sitting on one of the benches near the library, hair pulled down talking on the phone. He feels a pang in his chest, a pain greater than anything he has ever felt, he feels so lonely, seeing you there after all this time, after all his dreams, when you look up after hanging up you look at him there,

“Hey there stranger” a smile on your lips making its way to your eyes, his heart clenches, he doesn't deserve that smile “long time no see” he nods

“How have you been?” he asks “I heard Haechan apologize for what he said last time” your smile fades a little at that

“He did, we put up a show there didn't we?” you try to joke but he feels like shit, he is shaking his head

“Actually I- well, I want to apologize too” your eyes widened at that “I didn't answer your texts, I'm sorry about it I was just-” now you're the one shaking your head

“It's alright Jeno, really you don't need to say sorry”

“Y/N I…”

“Please Jeno, don't apologize” a small grin on your face that doesn't reach your eyes “it was nothing really, we’re still friends” his stomach drops, he hears someone call your name, you bid him goodbye and a last smile before leaving, your back turn to him before he can say anything, he stays there watching as you turn little in the distance before turning left, he wishes he stopped you, tell you what exactly is on his mind, tell you the truth. But what is the truth if he doesn't know himself

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“I need answers” that’s the first thing he says as he enters the shop.

Jeno is frantic, he’s hunted by the things he’s seen and by the feelings that had started to riot inside him especially after seeing you yesterday

“What happened now?” The owner comes to the front looking disrupted, it’s almost 11 am, and yet Ten doesn’t like to be bothered before noon, Jeno knows that the fox demon values his sleep however he’s known him for years now to know that even if he’s grumpy he will still help him somehow

“I need to know, what I forgot, please Ten tell me, tell me why I keep seeing her, tell me about her” the fox sighs

“Jaemin already gave you the hairpin Jeno, you just need to hold it tight, as for her… well, her destiny has been sealed for thousand years by a bond that’s stronger than time” he pauses, “I think you already feel where this is going Jeno, you're just afraid of it, every fair exchange its worth it, you just need to feel the pain you gave up for you to be happy Jeno, don't lose yourself when you already have what you're looking for”

He goes back to his apartment, he locks himself in his room looking at the hairpin, he sits in his bed before grabbing it, he's ready to know now

The general had found out about the village he had taken his troops there, all the magic he had absorbed from the snakes made him strong, Jeno had made his way to the village too, after fighting and defeating the general counselor he was stronger but it’ll soon prove to not be enough, Shua had told him to wait but he couldn’t, for his kind, for all the snakes that had been hunted and killed to feed the greed of a proud man whose ego was hurt by the emperor, he wished things were different, he wished he had taken Shua’s offer but he didn’t, and now he was here. The General had started the ritual to get rid of him once he realized he couldn’t fight him trapped in his web Jeno had tried to fight back, the ritual was stopped once Jaemin had stabbed the General with the hairpin, the hairpin that was given to him and the one that was previously owned by his master. The master who was now taking the power from the General until he couldn’t stand anymore before turning to her people, taking what she had given to the clan.

Every single one of them had lost their powers to feed hers and Jeno was about to lose his too, turned into a snake again, he knew the rage of his master had a reason but she had done wrong using the clan for her own benefit while making them believe she cared for them, before he knows it the General regain consciousness starting the ritual again Jeno was trapped under the dome that was meant to eliminate any trace of him and of anything trapped in it, his master was too, but so was Shua, she had tried to free him and now she was there too, while everything started to grow colder and colder, the grass and flowers had wilted already, his master had started to freeze losing her life, and Shua kept on trying, telling him to hang on, she had managed to get him out and handed him the hairpin she had picked up before taking his hand, there was supposed to be a way out, the constellations in the dome were there for a reason she kept telling him to follow her and he did he trusted her but it was too far away, the cold was too much for her body, he had picked her up, and tried but he couldn’t, he had lay there with her body in his arms while she kept shaking

“It’s okay Jeno,” a faint voice said “they’ll come, the villagers will come” he wanted to tell her no, the villagers hate demons and she was one of them now, she had gone and turned herself just so they could be together, it was all his fault

“You remember how you told me in the river that life is short, and sorrows long, and we should focus on the good things?” she smiles

“Remember how you laugh? Or the song I sang for you while on the boat? How you hold me while we were in those tunnels?” Jeno smiles at her nodding, his eyes stained in tears

“I wish I had listened to you,” he told her “we could be long gone, just you and I, everything would have been different then”

“We can still go” a smile painted on her face “we will get out of here and leave, we’ll find a place to settle, I can work with the herbs and you can help me”

“You need to know, Shua, if we don’t get out of here, we’ll never be born again, our souls will be extinguished”

“When we get out of here, we’ll be together and we’ll be happy”

“If we get out of here”

“It’s when Jeno not if, even if we die we can be together when we meet again” she touches his face so delicately he can’t do anything but close his eyes, they stay there waiting until a faint sound of rocks cracking makes him open his eyes, the villagers have come and they taking the tower down but when he turns to see her she’s fully frozen in his arms, he tries to call her but she’s leaving her body starts to float while it cracks, and just like that, all the memories they’ve made together start to play above her as her soul starts to fade into the dark, he holds her hand trying to pull her down to no avail

“No! You said we’ll leave together! Don’t leave!” Out of despair, he pulls out the hairpin, and with the last ounce of life he had left he had used his powers to tie her soul, he was trying to save her, to save their memories, to remember.

The tower falls, the dome collapses and so does he, the villagers called for her but she was already gone, she had died but her soul had been safe from annihilation. Now their memories reside in the hairpin that started it all, but she can be reborn and they could meet again if only he remembers.

He didn't, but Jeno still longed for her, the bond they had with each other was stronger than any magic, the memories of the life they once shared remained untouched in the hairpin.

Tears stream down his face, his chest hurts but his mind is finally clear, he can make out the silhouette of Jaemin by the door, he fails to notice the tears he too holds in his eyes

“You lost her once Jeno, when her soul almost vanished, don’t let there be a second time”

5. a new beginning

You found yourself in the library again, but this time with only Renjun by your side, you both are trying to come up with ideas for your project before it's too late for your teacher's approval, as you both discuss what art movement you should focus your project on someone comes up to your table taking a seat right in front of you, your eyes dart up almost popping out when you realize who it is

Lee Jeno is in front of you, smiling, you feel your breath caught up in your throat only nodding in recognition while Renjun takes his time greeting his friend, you don't think too much of it and go back to the matter at hand. It isn't until a couple of minutes later when you both decide it’s enough, you think Renjun it's more suited to go get your proposals to the TA, especially after you realize they had taken a special interest in him.

“I hope you know, I hate you Y/N” you just laugh getting Jeno’s attention who looks at your bickering before a sulking Renjun leaves

“What was that about?” he asks you turn to look at him, a smile still plastered on your face

“Oh well, our little Renjun has a little admirer” you giggle “our history TA is always around him so I have reasons to believe she likes him” he sends you another smile that has you questioning if you're hallucinating or not, you don't remember seeing him smile as much before

“I think I heard that rumor too” your eyes widened at his words “Did you now? What do you know?” you’re curious about what he has to say

“She’s a friend of one of my classmates, I kind of overheard once they were talking about this guy that she likes, she described him pretty well” you can feel your smile widening “I wasn’t sure until my classmate asked me if he had a girlfriend” you laugh at that last sentence you know your friend is shy about it but you do think this will help him realize he’s not the lost cause he thinks he is.

You grow more and more comfortable as time passes by, you like Jeno's company, and you can’t help but think back to Haechan’s words, you're so caught up in your thoughts you don't notice Jeno calling your name until he grabs one of your hands startling you, he's quick to apologize telling you it's late, he asks if you want to grab dinner together, you look directly at his face, the mole under his eye and the way his gaze holds so many emotions, and while there's a part of you that tells you to just go home, you end up getting up and holding his hand guiding him out of there, because against your better judgment you still like him and feel safe by his side.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Have you ever heard the story of the man in white who was trapped in the temple in the middle of the forest?” Jaemin asks, you are currently at their apartment waiting for Jeno to come back from the convenience store so you can watch the movie he promised, ever since that day at the library you've been hanging out more just the two of you, and every day he seems more and more lively, smiling at you that cute eye smile that makes your heart skip a beat, going out of his way to make things for you, like that one time last week when he went to buy you breakfast after telling him you had pulled an allnighter the night before or when he went to the library to pick up some books you needed but were too lazy to go and get. The Jeno that would hold back and remain silent long gone, you like seeing this side of him, the one you thought you'll never be able to witness.

Jaemin words make you stop and think, there’s a common story everyone has heard at least once in their lives, it's part of the towns folklore and the reason behind the rites cast in the pagoda by those who believed

“It was a demons punishment,” you say “he did something so bad that this monk found out and trapped him there” you can see Jaemin nodding

“The thing is the demon didn't do anything” he pauses “he was trying to save his brother's life” he looks directly at my eyes “but that monk believed demons were supposed to perish, the demon never hurt anyone, he lived a peaceful life, he just wanted to find what he was so desperately looking for”

“I've never heard that version before, where do you get it from nana?” you ask after seeing him so down, his face cast by shadows of grieve

“I know this because I was there, beside him, all the time, I saw it happened and I couldn't do anything for him” his tone full of guilt

“What are you saying now Jaemin? there's no way you could've been there, you'll be older now”

“I was there, and that's something you have to know” his stare never falters “I'm immortal, Y/N, I’m a snake-demon, and I won't let it happen again” the seriousness of his statement throws you away, you just nod not knowing what to say, you remain there in the same spot you’ve been since you arrive before you start to ask about his life, you know Jaemin is no liar after all and you have been visiting a suspicious shop to know better than doubt of the existence of demons and magic, when Jeno finally returns and you learn that he, too, is a demon you aren’t as shock Jaemin has already filled you in.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

The peacefulness in his mind is disrupted by his friends, they all decided to gather at Mark and Haechan place after practice ended, you’re not there since Yuqi had convinced you to be her plus one to an event happening at one gallery downtown, he kinda wishes you were, they're about to tell them their little secret, it isn't like they didn't want to do it before they just never thought they could, he isn't that scared of his reactions, well, except for Mark he never knows how hell react, he wishes in a good way, he’s too important for him

“Guys!!” Jaemin screams gathering everyone's attention “there's something you should know” the three of them look at him,

“Did you get yourself a girlfriend?” comes Haechans question everyone looks baffled

“What? No! What are you talking about?” Hyuck turns to look directly at him

“What about you? Did you already ask Y/N out?” the bluntness of his words make Mark almost choke on his drink

“He what? Do you like Y/N? Since when?” he asks when he recovers from his coughs the boys start making fun of him

“Come on man, have you been living under a rock? Everyone knows about those longing stares they've been sharing”

“I saw them yesterday at the library, again” Renjun groans

“We were just studying” he defends himself

“That's even worse” Jaemin joins, “I thought you asked her out after that day at the apartment” that starts a whole new discussion, Jeno sighs

“Guys” he starts “As far as like to discuss this topic, there's something else you definitely should know” he pauses “we are demons” everyone falls silent

“I knew” Renjun’s words drag everyone’s attention towards him “I mean, I work at the shop, did you really think I wouldn't find out?” he shrugs, his statement starts another discussion between them where Haechan can’t stop complaining about him not sharing that with them and how a bad friend he is while Mark doesn’t say anything

It isn't until the argument fades away that he turns to look at Jeno in the eyes

“So…” he mumbles something before shaking his head, everyone in the room is silently waiting for him to say something “Are you really asking Y/N out?” out of all the things he could have said that was the most unexpected one

Jeno nods “I will, I like her a lot” Haechan coos at his words Mark only nods “Good, so hear me out…”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

You pack your things preparing yourself to go out of the classroom, you're sure you’ve just experienced the most boring class in your college years and you are exhausted plus you’re hungry so you just want to grab some food and head home since this was your last class of the day.

You make your way out of the building heading to the cafeteria before someone calls out your name, you look to your side seeing Jeno running to you, a smile already on your face to greet him, once he is by your side you wait for him to calm down his breath before he gets to say a word, you laugh

“Are you done?” he greats you with a smile

“Yeah I just went out from my last class” he nods

“Would you like to go grab something to eat with me?” he’s been asking you to hang out or grab food with him before but somehow there's something about today that feels different, it probably has something to do with the way he’s looking at you

“I-I mean, I was planning to eat…so sure” you stutter through your words, he shakes his head

“No, I mean” he purses his lips “as in a date, not just hang out as friends” your breath gets caught in your throat and you feel yourself blushing before he starts rambling.

“Only if you want of course, if not we can just go as friends and..” his smile fading

“I'd like to go Jeno” you stop him “as in a date” the smile quickly returns to his face even brighter, he holds your hand and takes you to his car. For the first time in a while, you stop overthinking yourself, you feel so in place you don't want to move, with Jeno’s hand in yours and your cheeks tinted in pink you feel your heart so calm it makes you wonder if you ever have felt like this and you decide it's finally time to try again one last time.

And somewhere in your mind, you think to ask about the hairpin in his night table and the story Jaemin told you once, it is time for you to hear Jeno’s side.

bonus

“What!? So you're telling me you're not soulmates” Haechan’s voice is so loud it has every customer in the dinner giving you dirty looks, you should have known better than telling him here actually, so blame’s on you

“Keep it down would you” you nag him “But yes, he's not my soulmate but we are bonded together” Jeno had told you the story, you have heard every word

“I don't understand” at first you couldn't either

“We met in our past life” you pause thinking “well, my past-life, you know with him being immortal and everything” you whisper the last part “and we fell in love but you know how it works, I safe his life but I couldn't survive and somehow we bonded with each other, I’m not sure how, out of love or grief or longing”

“The promise of a moment together” Jeno’s voice startles you as you haven't had seen your boyfriend arrive, he presses a quick peck to your temple making Haechan gag you throw some napkins at your friend while Jeno sits beside you, holding one of your hands in his lap

Once your friend stops his gagging sounds he looks at the both of you with a grin on his face

“You guys are so disgustingly cute” he sighs “but if you aren’t soulmates then who?”

“For all I know it could be you” you answer, the face Haechan makes causing you both to laugh

“Gosh I wish I could deny it but it’ll make sense” he turns to look at Jeno “what about you, lover boy?” he smiles at the nickname

“Jaemin” he simply answers

“No way!” Haechan screams

“I would have thought it was rigged if it turn out to be anyone else,” you say, Jeno nods

“I would have thought so too”

©blossom-rea

#lee jeno #jeno angst #jeno fanfic #jeno fluff #jeno scenarios #jeno x reader #nct angst #nct dream #nct dream angst #nct dream fluff #nct dream scenarios #nct #nct scenarios #nct fluff

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abi-is-personal · 3 years ago

Text

Picrew Master List Part 11!

Part 1! Part 2! Part 3! Part 4! Part 5! Part 6! Part 7! Part 8! Part 9! Part 10! Part 12! Part 13! Part 14! Part 15! Part 16!

Let’s get going here!!!

Just a note, for those who care but I doubt anyone will, I got a large haircut between my last post and now, so my examples will now all have short hair! This has also changed how I view Picrews because some just don’t have a good variety of short hair options, so now I’ll be sharing some that I’ve found that suit my shorter hair!

Fantasy Character Maker

https://picrew.me/image_maker/708151

Fantasy Character Maker

https://picrew.me/image_maker/614903

Plant’s OC Creator

https://picrew.me/image_maker/1149121

Cottage Cuties @gabbydarienzo

https://picrew.me/image_maker/1136156

Image maker 2!

https://picrew.me/image_maker/1201085

Jeliceous oc creator

https://picrew.me/image_maker/1201734

Pixel friend!

https://picrew.me/image_maker/215621

Cybebully Character Maker

https://picrew.me/image_maker/630891

Genshin Impact OC/原神OCアイコンメーカー

https://picrew.me/image_maker/1235129

Grgikau Character Maker

https://picrew.me/image_maker/426722

Hopefully these are well liked and people try them out!! Because love all of these and they have a lot of options for customization!!!!

#picrew art #picrew maker #picrew masterlist #picrews #picrew list #picrew creator #picrew #masterlist

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watermelinoe · 2 years ago

Note

question is: which manhwa have you read?

ooh ok ok i had several of u gyns ask me this!! i only just started getting into manhwa recently bc i ran out of isekai manga jskfgjjkfg so you have to understand that i. love isekai tropes. i love them so much. i love a female protagonist who is just so, so stupid and completely oblivious to the lead's or anyone else's romantic feelings bc she is Busy and has One Brain Cell. if you like bakarina from hamefura/my next life as a villainess, that's my genre ok. i do not typically like stories where the female lead falls in love first bc men don't deserve love unprompted, let's be real. men should exist to dote on women bc that's what i would do to atone for being male

so i'm gonna do my best w the titles bc i am completely new to korean and i'm gonna try to give the english titles that the scan teams use so they're easier to find. the main sites i've been using are ladymanga and manhwatop

my very favorite manhwa i've read is actually not an isekai but it's f/f historical fantasy and it's so good, it's called her tale of shim chong/her shim cheong. it's about a beggar girl who befriends a newly-wed bride of a powerful man, and their struggle to stay together and survive. it's really poignant and makes incredible insights on misogyny, but it's satisfying!

then there's doctor elise: the royal lady with the lamp/queen with a scalpel about a skilled surgeon with memories of a past life who ends up reincarnating back into that past life and deciding to become a doctor instead of marrying the prince. but this time around, he's the one in love w her bc she's so cool and smart hehe, but she is v busy being amazing at her job

the rest of these are still releasing so i have to wait :'( but i'm really into them so far. first one is a wicked tale of cinderella's stepmom/i raised cinderella preciously, where the protagonist wakes up as the evil stepmother from cinderella. so she decides she'll just get good marriages for all three of her girls and then live in a cottage somewhere, except cinderella meeting w the prince didn't go as planned and this baron dude and his "apprentice" are always hanging around them. i love this one bc she's kind of a sexy mama bear and the daughters are all surprisingly fleshed out and don't actually want to just follow the plot of cinderella lol

also i like i'm a stepmother but my daughter is just too cute which is similar to the previous one where the protagonist is now the wicked stepmother from snow white. but she was originally a children's clothing designer and snow white is adorable, so instead she dotes all over her. and it turns out the king has a reason for being cold to both of them. (trigger warning on this one for past implied sexual assault and pedophilia that is taken seriously - the abuser is deceased before the start of the story)

and finally i'm waiting on the villainess flips the script/it's time to change the genre, where a woman is reincarnated into her favorite revenge novel as the main character's abusive aunt. she plans to hand him off to his real uncle so he can get along with his story, but instead he gets so attached to her that she ends up joining him and pretending to be his mom so she can keep him and his uncle safe from the events of the novel. except things are playing out differently than the story she knows.

those have been all my favs so far!! based on this if any of you gyns think there's one i might like feel free to lmk so i can add it to my anilist lol

#weeb hours #watermelinoe recs #long post #this was so fun thank u for asking me!!#i feel pretty isolated in my weebery tbh bc most everyone seems to be into shounen #and like i've said i just can't care abt stories where girls/women are not essential to the plot #so yeah that means i end up reading a lot of het romance ig but the men are so unrealistic and good that they're basically women #i'm reading like wow he is literally me. i could be a girl boyfriend #i have basically zero interest in stories where it's the girl pursuing the guy. 0/10. unrealistic. unrelatable. unnatural.#anyway my fucking double-jointed thumb fucking hurts from all this fucking scrolling!!! My Life Is Not Fair!!!!!#born to read manga on my phone. forced to wear compression gloves bc thumb hurty

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lacheri · 3 years ago

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Moon River has be thinking about my dream of moving to the French countryside, a small little cottage home, tucked away in lush green fields in the middle of nowhere.

Riding a baby blue bicycle down dirt roads to the nearest town, a collection of little homes, a convenience store, pharmacy and the market, where all the local farmers and artisans sell their goods.

Thinking about buying farm grown fruits and veggies, humanely raised meats wrapped in little brown packages, tucking them into the wicker basket on the bike.

I feel as though Levi would be the mysterious neighbour that lives across the dusty road, his vegetable garden a masterpiece to marvel at. I’d watch him from my front porch, pretending to write my latest novel.

I’d glance as he digs and hauls, picks and plants, the hard look on his face only fading when he tends to the laying Hens he has in the side yard, he’d coo and chat softly to them to keep them happy.

He’d be so beautiful, sweat slicked skin in the summer heat, trousers and a thin undershirt that’s often covered in dirt and grass stains.

I just know that he’d play games, letting me think that he doesn’t know a lick of English, making it hard for me to make friends with him, he’d only break the ruse when I bring him a dish of my homemade taquito rolls, a soft “holy fuck that’s good” slipping past his lips after the first bite.

Thinking about visiting him, sitting in the shade of the large oak tree left of his house, reading while he tends to the garden, playing with the hens when they come to see me. Levi would never admit it of course, but you just know that he’d revel in the company, the calm human interaction.

He’d bring glasses of homemade juice and sweet iced teas and watch intently while I sip, patiently waiting for approval.

Flowers would start to grow in the garden where extra rows of vegetables would have gone, and when they bloom they’ll disappear for a moment, only to show up carefully arranged in a stained glass vase on my front porch that same afternoon.

The way I romanticize the French countryside fantasy is borderline unhealthy, Cheri.

rae for the love of god write this. I will pay you to write this

oh to be the object of French cottage core Levi’s affection. come, my love, let us go collect the harvest of our garden and feed the chickens.

okay but also this au Levi just delivering u hand plucked bouquets of flowers has me in tatters of myself, falling apart at the seams to all of this

#PLEASE RAE I NEED THIS #YOU BESTOWED THE HONOR OF SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS #AND I HUMBLY REQUEST YOU BLESS US ALL W THIS LEVI AU #I love rae!#mootz 🖤#cherieanswers

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bugrry · 4 years ago

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i had to write smth for english and it made me think of running away with harry in the olden days or whatever. idk where it came from or if it makes any sense to anyone else but i thought it was cute. hope you enjoy. requests are open!

warnings: none, me experimenting with something

word count: 580

send a request // add yourself to my taglist // here’s my masterlist

The wind seemed to still as the words left your mouth. You sat there, looking at him with bated breath as you awaited her response.

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” You whispered. You looked down at your intertwined fingers as the moments of silence passed between you.

“What do you want me to say, y/n?” Harry finally said, turning to face you, “That I’m going to miss you? That I’m glad you’re going to see this new part of the world without me? That I won’t be so, so devastated and alone when you leave that I won’t know what to do with myself?” He stood up from the grass, slipping his shoes back on before adjusting his jacket and undershirt. As he walked away, you stood up quickly, holding up the flows of your skirt as you ran after him.

“Harry, wait, please!” you cry, and you wrap your arm around his thick bicep. When he finally turned to you, he saw that your normally bright eyes were dull, and your cheeks were flushed. You heaved a sob and your hand fell from it’s place on his arm. “I’m sorry Harry, I really am. If I didn’t have to go, I wouldn’t. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, I really did. I wanted us to have our own little cottage in the countryside, I wanted us to have cows and cats and chickens and dogs. I wanted us to live out every fantasy we’d ever dreamed about. H, please don’t be mad at me,” your knees seemed to give out beneath you, and you pathetically gripped at his pant cuff and sobbed. “I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to, Harry, but you know my father. He doesn’t take no for an answer, he doesn’t believe I could live on my own-”

“You wouldn’t be on your own!” He said, looking down at where you knelt. His face was red and there was a single tear rolling down his cheek.

“But he doesn’t know that! He can’t know that!” you wept. He knelt down to your level, and took a deep breath.

“Run away with me.” He said, looking at your tear-stricken face. You pulled back from his pant leg, a frown etched onto your face.

“What? Harry, are you crazy?”

“I’m serious, y/n. We could have our own cottage, buy our own cows and cats and chickens and dogs. We could grow all our own food, and sell whatever we don’t use. I could get a job, if we wanted. We could have that life, y/n. You just have to take a chance on me-- on us.” He held his fingers under your chin so that you couldn’t turn away from him. You had to at least consider it, “All you’d have to do is write a letter and pack your things.”

“We could have our own life?” You whispered, as if the words were fragile and speaking them too loudly could break them. He smiled, another tear rolling down his cheek, and nodded.

“We could, y/n, we could. We could be happy together.”

“Together,” you said quietly. You finally lifted your eyes to Harry’s, the shine once again evident your eyes. You smiled, and wrapped your arms around his middle, burying your face in the crook of his neck. “Okay,” You took a deep breath to steady yourself as you pulled back, “what do we do first?”

...

pls pls pls let me know what you think!! idk what to think of it but i liked the idea :) also let me know if you’d want me to write more in this au!!

taglist: @fallinforstyles @teenmagazines @ji5hine

#harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles fluff #harry styles smut #harry styles angst #harry x reader #harry fanfic #harry styles #one direction #one direction fanfic #my writing

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whatabitchiam · 4 years ago

Text

May I?

****DISCLAIMER: This is a modern oneshot about elucien,. nothing on the ship tho. I just love both of em.

fluff+smut(kinda?)

She was a shy girl. Never talked about anything; certainly not about others. She was a girl of wonders and latent miracles then, he always thought. She looked like the queen of the day in her cute little outfits paired with a perfect hair. She was a not much of an attention seeker, but guys did talk about her and stared at her while she walked down the hallways. It made him angry-why? - he never knew, he just had a burning pang of jealousy. She had hidden potential and a strength he knew not how. She must be like the blazing sun on winter morning, a girl to warm even the coldest of glaciers, he always thought.

Lucien sighed.

“And what it is that made you sigh before the sday started when I didn’t even wake up to bring you trouble?” chimed Vassa as a greeting.

“Nothing. Im gonna get ready,” he added while pacing towards his room.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lucien was a good looking, handsome piece for girl too pine over in every way possible. He had a golden-brown skin paired with shoulder length russet hair and eyes, a muscular body every one wants. What made it better was his immaculate taste of dressing whether it was casual or fancy. Most of the girls of the high school had a fantasy to be the girl beside Lucien Vanserra but he never gave any signs to be interested in anyone. He was a guy of one-time hookups with girls he hadn’t found eyesore, which were few. He was excellently good with his grades and easily the best athlete of the year. But what made him nervous was his English class with Elain Archeron, the girl with sunshine smile. They never talked though, weird, he always thought. Because he always felt he knew her.

“Get your ass out of the car, sweetcakes. We are here,” Vassa broke his chain of thoughts.

“Okay. Should I wait for you?”

“No, you go ahead. There’s Jurian waiting for me,” Vassa waved to a figure at a distance.

Jurian and Vassa had been now dating for three years, a classic bickering turned into high school love. Lucien found it adorable though.

“Kayy, will meet you lot during lunch” and started towards the school.

The hallway was still a bit deserted. Students were yet to file the place. He reached for his locker when he heard some catcalls. He looked around to find out what’s going on, only to find a few girls meddling with Elain. He knew better than to simply interfere but it made him angry. It was Briallyn and her cronies, easily the meanest and most plastic girls he had known. He saw one shove Elain and she fell. They laughed at her and sashayed away.

Bitches, he thought and walked over to where Elain was arranging the things spilled from her bag.

He offered her a hand and,

“May I?”

His first words to her and his heart made a jolt at the realization. She looked up and he met those lovely brown eyes.

“Sure,” her voice was a floral pathway. She took his hand and stood up. Her palm was as soft as marsh mellows.

“Thank you so much,” she said and he was so absorbed in her face, he didn’t register what she said.

“Um, sorry, what did you say?”

“I said thank you, Lucien. Where are you lost?” she offered a sweet smile.

“Nowhere. You know my name?” the surprise in his voice was obvious because he thought she never noticed him.

“of course, I do. We have English together and we sit beside each other every day, you dummy,” she laughed, “Besides, who wouldn’t know Lucien Vanserra, huh?”

His cheeks were flustered and red, “Oh shut up,” he muttered.

“Why deny it, bud?” she only replied while answering a text on her phone.

“What do you have on first period?” he changed the topic. She was not as shy as he thought. She WAS full of surprises. An introvert with cute personality, ambivert, he thought.

“Boring, old chem. You?” she looked up.

“Boring, old history,” he imitated and she laughed.

“Okay, let’s not get late. And thank you again. See you at English,” she started off.

“Elain, wait up,” Lucien hollered and jogged up to her.

“What is it?

“Would you like to sit with us at lunch?” her eyes widened.

“Are you sure? B-but wouldn’t your friends mind?”

She sounded worried.

“No, they wouldn’t at all,” Lucien scuffed, Vassa loved new people, “Would you?”

“Sure. Nobody ever offered me before,” she mumbled.

“Well, its finally nice to meet you, Elain Archeron,” he offered a hand.

“You too, Vanserra,” she took his hand and shook it, smiling at him.

He never felt this contented while he headed to boring, old History.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elain hadn’t felt this content for a long time. When Lucien Vanserra asked her to join her at lunch. She was very nervous but Lucien’s easy smile had made her feel better. He was a good guy, no, a great guy- she thought. After the day he had extended a hand, it felt like he had extended a hand to a new life. She was pleased with her quiet life but not happy. Vassa was quite pleasant too. She was way funnier than she appeared to be. She went to parties, went out and had been included in a group, she felt nice. And there was always a Lucien to help her with anything. Once she was distraught from a nightmare when she called him, and he was there all-night cracking jokes over phone. She felt a tug towards him, a feeling she couldn’t really explain. But not seeing him for a day now made her uneasy. She wasn’t closed off with him around, she only felt more braver and daring though.

And now she waited for him in front of her house while thinking how one extended hand had changed so many things.

A car honked. There he is, looking handsome in his excellent choice of clothing.

“Hi” she said while climbing into the car.

“Hey, you look good today,”

“Thanks, bud,” she smiled to herself before adding, “Where are we going today? Where’s Vassa and Jurian?”

“Well, it’s just you and me today. They’ve gone to a date.”

“Oh. So, what are we doing today?”

“We’re going to the beach.”

“Now? But its way past the sunset,” she sounded a bit surprised.

“You’ve never been to the beach at night?” now he was the one to sound surprised.

“No,”

“Let me be your first, then. My father owns a cottage on the shore. It’s beautiful, you’ll love it when you see the garden,” he gave her that smile. There were butterflies in her stomach. Oh fuck.

“Elain?”

“Yes?”

“I’m glad we are friends,” he was looking so flushed and adorable, she reached out and kissed his cheek.

His eyes widened.

“Oh, I’m sorry, Lucien, if it made you awkward-,” she started but he laughed it off.

He said, “You can do whatever you want to do with me. I’m at your service ma’am,”

She laughed and looked out the window. They were almost there and it was beautiful, as Lucien said.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Lucien felt a bit nervous around Elain today. He couldn’t figure out why when he was always easy with her. She now surveyed the cottage and the view with her cute little exclaims.

They settled at the beach on a blanket and two bottles of beers. They were lying down and kind of leaning on to each other. Elain was laughing at something he had said and was leaning on her elbow when she looked up to him, directly into his eyes. It took all his self-control to restrain himself from kissing her.

All of a sudden, something shifted.

As if she heard his thought, felt it.

Because one moment she was beside him and then on top of him the next. And then, her lips met his.

He was shocked. But before he kissed back, she withdrew and said, “I’m so sorry. It’s okay if you don’t want it-”

But he wanted nothing more than this. So, he said nothing.

He just brought his mouth to hers and dived into the madness he had hidden for so long.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Elain didn’t know what she was doing. She was just… doing. It felt so right to her. She just fit in with him in every way possible. Staring at his face while he was talking, a sound as deep as the ocean as well as a mere whisper. A look on his face made her sit on him and kiss like a maniac. He hadn’t kissed back and she regretted right away. She had ruined the friendship, now she’d be lonely again. She started to explain him.

But…

His lips came to her, claimed her.

She didn’t have time to think. She kissed back as much as she could. He tasted of beer and autumn breeze. And so good, was so good. Oh god.

She slid her hands around hands his neck and snaked them into hair and grabbed it. She needed him closer, she wanted- needed- more.

She didn’t know when their tongue made their way to each other and caressed each other.

She pulled away first. They both panted as they stared at each other.

“I wasn’t anticipating this today,” Lucien murmured as he put his mouth on the pulse on her neck and sucked. She moaned again and whispered,

“Can we take this inside?” she swallowed before she added, “I need you closer.”

Lucien’s eyes shot up to her, bewildered.

“Are you sure, Elain? You don’t have to-” he started.

But she interrupted him by pulling his mouth to hers and placed a kissed and said, “I am surer than ever. Take me inside,” she commanded. She didn’t know where the courage came from. Certainly not, when she never kissed before.

Lucien carried her inside with feather soft kisses all over her which she returned generously. As Lucien placed her on the bed gently, she pulled him onto him and kissed him again, being needy.

“So greedy, huh?” he laughed again her lips.

“You will be for me, Lucien,” she replied as she pulled his shirt off, continuing to remove hers.

“You know you shouldn’t rush it,”

“I don’t want your cock in me so soon. I don’t give that satisfaction,” she didn’t know that she had it in herself to talk this way.

“oh really? Then what do you want?”

“Touch me. Taste me.”

“I’d love to,” he moaned as she pressed a hand down his length, “I never knew you were so dominating. Do you know how hot you sound?”

“You are yet to know me,” Elain brought her mouth to him again. Lucien’s hand made its way all the way down where he reached the lines of her underwear. He cupped her and swore at how drenched it was. She grinded against his hand and ordered, “Take them down, now.

He peeled those off and marveled at how beautiful she was, his eyes full of desire. He touched her and swore at the wetness. He continued to give her what she wanted, but not quite. She writhed and gasped when he slid a finger inside her while circling her clit. She was so close to the edge; she gripped the bedsheet to control. All of a sudden, he stopped and she writhed and rubbed at the emptiness. Lucien gave her a wicked smile and lowered his mouth to suck on her clit. He kept sucking and stroking with his tongue, and Elain, she couldn’t grasp the feeling. She was seeing stars and was swarming. She screamed his name as she came. The feeling, she couldn’t handle. She touched herself a few times, but this was just too much. She didn’t want him to stop yet she couldn’t handle anymore. Lucien kept it going again and again. She came again and again. After a long time, he finally removed his mouth and kissed her. Exhaustion dawned on her but she pulled him to her. He laid beside her and hugged her. She put her head on his chest and drank in the scent, drank his very existence as if an expensive bottle of wine.

“You don’t how much I wanted this, wanted you,”

“You don’t how much I yearned for you, either,”

“I wish I can have this with you every day,” he sighed”

“May I?” she looked up to him. His eyes shone.

A yes.

The words he gave her the very first time.

#acosf #acotar #acomaf #acowar #elain #lucien #elucien #feyre #nesta acotar #rhysand #cassian #morrigan #azriel #amren #fic #fantasy #fae #prythian

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leguin · 3 years ago

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notes on smike from various sources

Smike himself is denied the kind of idealization Dickens's prose allows- muting with rhetoric the realities of deprivation in a process that touches even as it distances- but is made to stumble on stage with bent, swollen, deformed legs and the perpetually disconnected expression and open-mouthed contortion of the spastic. At once more and less human than in the original conception, more literally a medical case history and more symbolically a clamor for social change, he may well prove (as does the central figure in the vastly overrated The Elephant Man) merely an encouragement to sentimentality and self-righteousness in the audience.

- “The RSC ‘Nicholas Nickleby’: A Review,” Margaret Ganz, Dickens Studies Newsletter 11:3 (Sept. 1980).

...it is not at all easy to locate the precise spot on the continuum of tone to slot this denial-cum-endorsement of the heart on the sleeve, or even the following utterance by Smike:

“To go with you - anywhere - everywhere - to the world’s end, to the churchyard grave,' replied Smike, clinging to his hand. Let me, oh do let me. You are my home - my kind friend - take me with you, pray.'” (159; ch. 13)

On the one hand this alludes to Ruth 2.17 ("Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried: the LORD do so to me, and more also, if ought but death part thee and me") but the allusion is pushed and dramatized almost out of recognition, as if the language of the opera libretto (almost always concerned with archetypes and absolutes) had once again supervened upon the restraint of the Hebrew/Jacobean English text. We recall, for instance, how, in the Italian translation of Cherubini's Medee, Neris cries "Ti seguirò ognor fedel, con te saro ognor fedel, / in morte a te fedel saro! a te sempre fedel" ("I shall follow you, always faithful; to you I shall always be faithful; I shall be faithful even in death - always faithful to you") (39). Smike has a weak mind, after all, and Dickens is not above suggesting that devotion so intense is abnormal, though the suggestion is perhaps too delicate for us to be certain it is there.

- “Marring Curious Tales: Code-Crossing Irony in ‘Nicholas Nickleby,’“ Rodney Stenning Edgecombe, Dickens Quarterly 18:1 (March 2001).

In the novel Smike at his worst comes across as a male test case for Little Nell; he is one of those child characters driven to an early death but lingering long enough to drop every tear along the way. So too the Dotheboys crew might appear tokens of Victorian pathos, but consummate acting and sensible direction keep pathos in check at the Aldwych. The brain-crippling effect of child abuse comes across with painful clarity. Even though Smike's efforts to con the apothecary's lines in Romeo and Juliet draws a laugh, his trembling performance and his recollection of it just before he dies remain grim reminders that performance, even among the phenomenal Crummleses, may mock rather than invariably sustain life.

- “The RSC ‘Nicholas Nickleby’: Dramatic Rites for Dickens,” Richard Dunn, Dickens Studies Newsletter 11:3 (Sept. 1980).

At such points Nicholas seems poised to deepen, and perhaps even darken, the meaning of his life and adventures, to show youth, hope and spirit truly embattled in their struggle with a world that rolls on "from year to year, alike careless and indifferent" (791), embodying in his own person something of that darker spirit which Jerome Meckier has seen hovering over the comic world of the novel.

But it is Smike and not Nicholas who plays out the alternative fate suggested by episodes such as these. It is Smike who suffers at the hands of the enemies Nicholas heroically defies; Smike who despairs and is defeated while Nicholas triumphs; and Smike who carries a broken heart to the grave as Nicholas goes on to win both wife and fortune. It is as if the impulse towards the "natural" which, in the early chapters of the novel, finds expression in the comedy Nicholas provides is transposed by novel's end to the near tragedy of Smike. In a sense, the born victim serves as surrogate for his more fortunate cousin,allowing Dickens to dramatize "natural" (that is non-literary, unconventional) possibilities of deprivation, suffering and, finally, death without, as he would later put it in the case of Walter Gay in Dombey and Son, "making people angry" by depriving them of the happy ending they naturally expect. Such sufferings as Nicholas does endure - in contrast to Smike - are, like those of any fairy-tale prince down on his luck, reassuringly short-lived. Benevolent spirits in the shape of the Cherrybles soon intervene on his behalf and he is whisked off, not to a castle, but to the still more solid comfort of a rent-free cottage in the country. Once again, it is the "natural" that loses ground as the conventional, and Nicholas, win out.

- “’Nicholas Nickleby’ and the Idea of the Hero,” Beth F. Herst, Dickens Quarterly 5:3 (Sept. 1988).

The imaginative critical investment in Smike as a reform- provoking icon of child abuse tends to obscure the novel’s later emphasis on his effortful adult expressions of sexual agency.

Traditionally, critics have tended to interpret Smike as “worship[ing …] his deliverer” and exhibiting a “dog-like devotion” to Nicholas. The canine comparison, which frequently recurs in critical descriptions of Smike, obscures the actual complexity of his multifaceted and very human response to Nicholas.

- “Charles Dickens’s Families of Choice: Elective Affinities, Sibling Substitution, and Homoerotic Desire,” Holly Furneaux, Nineteenth-Century Literature 62:2 (Sept. 2007).

While [the Nickleby] family can accommodate socially marginal figures such as the hard-up single landlady Miss LaCreevy and the eccentric and impoverished Newman Noggs, the place it affords Smike is less secure. Michie has justly expressed frustrations with a plot, which having held out the promise of an elastic ideal of domestic kinship, suddenly tightens to exclude its most vulnerable new member. Michie rightly rejects an entirely affirmative reading of this novel’s‘capacious sense of family’ by dwelling on the questions ‘Why can’t Smike marry Kate?’ and ‘Why must Smike die?’:

“Smike’s presence is a consistent reminder of the porousness of family. While this porousness is a virtue for most of the novel, it cannot and must not survive the marriage plot, where all relations, including Nicholas’s to the Cheeryble brothers must be rerouted through the law and through marriage.”

Though in-lawing can provide a way of linking marital and homoerotic plotting, exposing the queer spaces within the institution of marriage that only masquerades as sealed and straight, Dickens never acknowledges Smike as an acceptable suitor for Nicholas’s ‘pretty sister’. In consequence, Smike cannot realize his fantasy of legally enshrined brotherhood with Nicholas, and so dies of a broken heart. Though Dickens allows Smike a brief, exclusively male Arcadia, being nursed and cared for by Nicholas in an idyllic and remote rural setting, there is no recovery from his desire,which here proves to be terminal.

- Queer Dickens: Erotics, Families, Masculinities, Holly Furneaux, 2009.

#long post #nicholas nickleby #i read...many essays tonight

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libertyreads · 3 years ago

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Best and Worst Books of 2021--

I decided to bring by my Best and Worst list from last year. I’ve got a ton of different categories and I pick the best and the worst from each one. I tried to only include books that I read for the first time this year. Also, I tried to avoid any repeats so something might win the Best Of in one category and not get it in another even if it also fits that category.

Let’s get into it:

Best Sci-Fi: The One by John Marrs. This was an early read this year but nothing dethroned it all year long. So very good.

Worst Sci-Fi: The Effort by Claire Holroyde. We follow a group of scientists around as they discover a meteor strike is imminent. Too many perspectives and not enough fear.

Best Fantasy: The Lies of Locke Lamora by Scott Lynch. If anyone is surprised, they haven’t been paying attention to my reviews or to me in general. A found family of morally grey characters doing crime? Shut up and take my money.

Worst Fantasy: Girls of Paper and Fire by Natasha Ngan. I think this is more of a me problem than anything else. Too much stuff reminding me of my own trauma. It was just too hard to read.

Best Contemporary: Enjoy the View by Sarah Morgenthaler. This one was my favorite in this series and my favorite contemporary of the year. The couple in this one faces challenges together which is one of my favorite romance things.

Worst Contemporary: On the Rox by Kat Addams. Part of a romance anthology I purchased at the beginning of the year. I don’t think the author has any idea how male anatomy works???

Best Mystery: The Hawthorne Legacy by Jennifer Lynn Barnes. This was probably the hardest category for me to pick from. This year I really hit my stride with finding Mystery novels I enjoy. But JLB has been a favorite author for a few years now.

Worst Mystery: A Lesson in Vengeance by Victoria Lee. I think this Mystery was sloppy and I think it spent too much time on style and not enough on substance.

Best YA: Namesake by Adrienne Young. It’s pirates. What do you want from me? I am who I am.

Worst YA: The Young World by Chris Weitz. A dystopian of its time. It was flawed and a bit slow.

Best Adult: Technically this was TLoLL but I already use that one. So, I’m going with Your Guide to Not Getting Murdered in a Quaint English Village by Maureen Johnson and Jay Cooper. It was fun and cute and nod to the Mystery readers.

Worst Adult: The Past by Tessa Hadley. A family spends the summer at their family’s cottage and secrets come out. Supposedly. In reality we see a woman watch her brother and her sister-in-law have sex and then there’s a chance someone was adopted? A waste of paper.

Best New Release: Rule of Wolves by Leigh Bardugo. It’s Nicolai simping one Grisha general. What isn’t there to love about that? What’s that? It has an actually plot? Okay, yes, that too.

Worst New Release: Max and the Spice Thieves by John Peragine. Part of this is on me since this is a middle grade novel and I’m not a middle grade reader. But it just didn’t work for me.

Best Backlist: Winnie the Pooh by A.A. Milne. I had a couple other answers for this one but they’ve been used. I read this as part of my 40 before 40 project and I loved it. Pooh has been a part of my life since before I can remember.

Worst Backlist: Sag Harbor by Colson Whitehead. This author seems to be somewhat popular, but he is just not for me. This one spent so much time discussing things that don’t matter to the plot. Like waxing philosophical about 80s TV dinners.

Best 2022 ARC: This one was difficult because I’ve only read 2 2022 ARCs so far this year. So for the best it’s A Quick & Easy Guide to Asexuality by Will Hernandez and Molly Muldoon (4 stars).

Worst 2022 ARC: The only other ARC I read was Serendipity edited by Marissa Meyer with a ton of popular YA authors (3.5 stars).

Best Standalone: If We Were Villains by M.L. Rio. It’s a very well loved dark academia novel and I’m right there with them. So good.

Worst Standalone: The Vacationers by Emma Straub. I’d love to give you a synopsis for this one but literally nothing happens. Another complete waste of paper.

Best Book in a Series: Only Human by Sylvain Neuvel. Book #3 in the Themis Files. It wraps up so much so well and I actually enjoyed it more than the first one. Definitely helped out by the extra file that comes after this one though.

Worst Book in a Series: Love Under Construction by M.C. Cerny. An Alpha Asshole, bad writing, resolution is too fast, and so many cringe worthy sexy times moments.

My list is complete! That took me far too long to decide on almost all of these categories. I’m so glad I never have to pick some of these books up ever again and some of these authors I’m really looking forward to reading from in the future.

#best books of 2021 #worst books of 2021 #books read in 2021 #best and worst #best books #worst books #bookish #booklr #bookstagram #books #book #bookstack #bookshelf #end of the year #end of the year list #long post

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liyawritesss · 3 years ago

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Imma be honest....I only have a few that are from Webtoons the rest I'm pirating because they're either not on Webtoon, cost a lot of money, or aren't officially translated into English 😖. But my favorite ones atm are:

Under the Oak Tree-Because no man in the world should be as sexy as Riftan and no woman should have to go through as much trauma as my baby Maxie. But she's growing now and becoming the baddie that I always knew that she was inside.

Who Made Me a Princess- I don't have any words to describe how beautiful the art in this series is because it's just *chef's kiss*. But I'm a sucker for the daddy-daughter relationship and how the MC and her father grow as people and are able to overcome obstacles and I- 😭

Another Typical Fantasy Romance- They throw every romance cliche in the garbage, set it on fire and throw the ashes into space because my goodness. Healthy relationship, Communication, and a cute ML who's whipped for his wife with a FL who's a boss and won't let anyone ruin her marriage. It's really funny because the ML is the one who you think you should be scared of because he's all big and muscular when it's really his wife. Like at least he'll just kill you or hurt you. The FL will make you wish that you were dead I have no words. Pellus and Litheria have my heart, my soul, my first born child.

I Was Tricked into this Fake Marriage!- I was also pulled into this one because of the beautiful art. This one also has a power couple. Another time that I started because of a hot man. Idk man hot men are my weakness. This one is also really good but it can get sad sometimes.

Honey, I’m Going On a Strike- This one is almost exactly like Another Typical Romance except the ML is a himbo. Like it makes no sense how a man is so cute, hot, and stupid all at the same time 😩. But it's ok his wife has all the brain cells and he knows it. I just wish he'd see that he's worth something too. His wife is smacking some sense into him though so it's ok. I love how at first their relationship was strained but the after while the FML was like I'm not doing this anymore imma say what I want and if he doesn't like it that's tough. And then finds out that her husband is a lil stupid and doesn't know how to communicate properly.

I Raised a Black Dragon- Cute baby dragon and his mama. I ju- I mean there's more but like.... I think the title sums it up pretty well. I mean there is someone who's trying to kill the FL and all but I'm just here to read about her interactions with her baby and see them in their matching outfits. Also the chemistry the 2 of them have with the ML is just beautiful. Like they're just a lil family trying not to die and all. LET THEM LIVE IN THEIR COTTAGE IN THE FOREST IN PEACE.

Anyways....yeah that's what I have. I have like over 300 but um I'm not writing about all of those so 😂

3, 5 and 6 def have my interest, I'll have to check them out sometime.

#putting this shit in my notes rn #these all sound really good tho fr fr #perhaps once i start reading em we can talk more abt em 🤗#ask game #liya talks

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merakiaes · 4 years ago

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To begin with, I'm full of contradictions, utterly boring, very insecure and highly complicated. I would say my strongest personality traits are my kindness, calmness and sympathy. It's almost impossible to scare or upset me, because I always see the good in a person and recognize where anger, frustration and despair come from. There's no cruelty in me at all. I'm open and impartial towards everything and everyone, without any judgment or prejudice. I also have a calming/grounding effect on other people and animals, which is great because I honestly love all sorts of animals (I'm also a vegetarian because I refuse to intentionally hurt any animal). I'm always well-meaning and there to help others. I despise people who enjoy the suffering of others, just because they have the 'power' to. I'm very open-minded and I think that every opinion matters and that whatever someone has to say is important, at least to them and therefore for me. I will never ignore someone's sorrows and suffering and I try my hardest to help and comfort as best I can. But, even though I see the good in everything, I'm very insecure myself and have little love and understanding for myself. I have a very bad self-esteem and not a particularly positive self-perception, which mostly defines my actions. It makes me believe that I'm a burden to others and that I annoy them. I feel like I'm not "worthy" of love/there's nothing lovable about me, that there are too many problems in contrast to the little good things. Nevertheless, I would never change myself for anything or anyone, I am who I am. This is one of many reasons why I try to stay away and distance myself from others. For me, dealing and interacting with people is really difficult, because I'm so clumsy and nervous around them and easily feel like I'm making a fool out of myself. Another reason is that I fear to be rejected and thrown aside when someone sees how boring, problematic and annoying I actually am. It's also hard for me and incredible frustrating that I'm unable to articulate myself the way I want to, so that I mostly stay silent. And, since I'm a very quiet and rather shy person, I prefer people who initiate the contact and talk a lot/like to talk, who do the talking instead of me, but without intending to suppress myself. You would be surprised how timid and reserved I am, I'm sure you wouln't notice me in a room full of people if it wouldn't be for my different appearance (I'm always wearing only black, have dyed my hair a little and two ear piercings). Because I'm easily sad and not a funny/joking person, I like and enjoy people who are not too serious themselves. And I'm the most loyal person you'll ever find, once you earn my trust, I'll always be on/by your side, no matter what. I've always felt alienated from my surroundings, like I don't belong anywhere, like I'm the only cat in a room full of dogs. That's probably why I have a soft spot for the weirdos, outcasts, loners and "crazy" ones. Though, in my opinion, the definition of normal, crazy and real are very subjective. My whole life I've felt kinda judged, misunderstood and unwanted. People often falsely think that my unassuming nature is naivity and take my social-insecurity for aloofness and coldness. I'm also quite opinionated and aware of what I want, how I feel and who I am. I'm often questioning my surroundings, the traditions and rules and if I believe that something is wrong, I have absolutely no problem challenging others, even authority. I'm a perfectionist, which often leads me to overthinking and that can be equally good and bad. I'm absolutely clueless in romance and totally oblivious to flirting because I'm 100% inexperienced in this stuff, but I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic.

I crave physical touch and am literally melting into and bathing in any sort of touch, but I'm way too reluctant to initiate it. I'm rather sentimental with things given to me by people who I deeply care for, no matter how small or insignificant they may seem. Sadly, I'm not good with words to repeat how much someone means to me and I never know how to show/act on it either. I'm lazy, forgetful and sleepy most of the time and too much people, noise and light is exhausting for me. That's why I prefer to cozy up at home, watching a movie or TV show and listen to music. Music is my greatest passion, even if I can't sing or play an instrument. It's the most calming and therapeutic when it comes to my anxiety and depression and I could never live a day without it. When no one is around, I even sing along really loudly and off-tune. The meaning music has for me is hard to put into words, but it's my sanctuary for when I feel like my thoughts and feelings are suffocating me. You will never see me in the street without headphones in my ears and even when I'm at home there's music playing almost all the time. I could talk for hours about music and what it means to me. My taste in movies is more horror, fantasy and drama and in music it's rock, punk and pop, but for both I enjoy when it's themed around mental illness and real-life problems and when it's from the 80s and 90s. I like vintage things and would love to live in the 80's. I love the feeling of freedom and liveliness. My favourite weather is when it's gloomy and more cold, when it's pouring big fat drops and the air smells like rain and my favourite season is autumn because of the weather, colors, temperatures, flavors and overall aesthetic. I'm on the curvy-side and incredible insecure about it, although I really don't want to be. Once I trust you, I would love to talk for hours about music, movies, dreams, fears or anything alike and life in general, no matter how silly it may seems. I have a fascination for dark and macabre things. I also love to take late-night strolls, to gaze at the nightsky and literally feeling the freedom and infinity. My favourite colours are dark green, black, dark purple and gold. I love the scent of peppermint, cinnamon and the forest. I love plants and would love to decorate my home with them, but unfortunately I don't have a green thumb at all. I like ivy, lavender and roses the most. I wish I could live peacefully in a cottage, surrounded by a forest and many animals. I feel little conected to where I lwas born/am living and I'm deeply convinced that my soul belongs in the UK, always has.

+ Could I please request a male matchup for Stranger Things and Peaky Blinders? I'm female, she/her. (I know you said that no amount is too much, but I still hope that I didn't exaggerate here - and I'm sorry for any spelling and grammatical errors, english isn't my first language)

STRANGER THINGS

I ship you with Billy Hargrove!

This is somewhat of a controversial ship that can be both good and bad depending on the circumstances. I’m choosing to look at it from a positive perspective so bear with me.

Kindness, calmness and sympathy are your strongest personality traits and that is just what Billy Hargrove needs to bring him back to reality, because it is my opinion that the Billy we’ve gotten to see is only the version of himself that he has allowed us to see.

Billy’s automatic response when someone tries to help him by digging into his emotions is to get angry and defensive. Why? Because he’s put so much time and effort into building up walls around himself in order to not have to feel all his pain over and over again, and every time someone comes and pokes holes in those walls, he snaps.

He’s so used to not being loved and being abandoned that he automatically assumes that people who come off as supportive are going to leave eventually, too. So in his mind, he might as well scare people away at once so that he doesn’t get his hopes up and ruins the walls that he’s put so much into. That’s just easier for everyone.

But although he succeeds in pushing people away by getting angry and therefore succeeding in protecting himself from more heartbreak, he still feels a subconscious guilt when seeing how much he scares people, because that’s how scared he is of his dad. He treats people like his dad treats him and it destroys him to live with that, but he just doesn’t know how to do anything else at this point because his only purpose in life now is to uphold those walls, by whatever means necessary, so while I don’t condone his behavior, nor do I support mentally abusive relationships, I do from a psychological standpoint, think that it would help Billy that you don’t get scared easily.

Seeing people get so scared, even if it’s by his own doing, breaks him down more and more every time, a little at a time, and it would change everything for him to be met by something else than that immediate fear. He would be faced with an outcome he hasn’t experienced before, which is being seen as something more than a monster; or more specifically to him, being seen as something other than a replica of his dad, because I can guarantee you that that’s something that keeps him up at night.

Anyone can say that they understand, that they know where someone is coming from, that even if they don’t understand, they can see a persons reasons. But a lot of the times, this is just a case of empty words. Billy knows this and that’s another reason that he doesn’t let people in when they try to get closer, and he proves his point by getting angry at them and seeing the way they react. All of them get scared and leave. Rightfully so, but it also does proves the point in his logic.

You say that you have a calming and grounding effect on people which is something he’d really benefit from, as well. He naturally surrounds himself with people who match his energy; impulsive, wild, preferably illegal, with little to no thought of consequences. That’s his form of self-harm - to constantly surround himself with things and people that are bad for him, who likes his bad boy-image and encourages his bad behavior.

What he needs is something else entirely; and that is to be in a calm environment. He needs silence, peace, and even if just for a while, just anything but excitement. He needs someone who won’t encourage his chaotic and reckless lifestyle like most of the people he hangs out with do, in order to bring himself back down to earth and find himself again.

Once he actually meets someone genuine and like-minded and realizes that they’re there to stay, he’d most likely accept the help he’s offered. And after that, he would be so loving toward his significant other because he’d never want her to feel like he does. He would want her to be the happiest person on the planet and if there’s something I’ve learned, myself, it’s that the people who love the hardest are usually the ones who have been loved the least. So if you were feeling insecure, he would lift you up and compliment you constantly, always let you know how beautiful and amazing he finds you, and how lucky he is to have you. He’d be so overly loving and appreciative toward you and everything you do that you’d rarely even have the time to get stuck with your self-doubt.

He, too, feels like he’s undeserving of love, because when has he ever been shown differently? So I also think it would give him somewhat of a wake-up call to see someone he cares about, or just such a kind, genuine person in general, feeling like that. At the same time, I also think he’d react strongly to the way you accept yourself and refuse to change for anyone despite all the self-doubt you have, because that requires an insane amount of strength. It would probably inspire him a lot to be better, himself.

Billy would, most definitely, be the one to initiate contact with you just like he does every other female in his presence. Maybe it’s my mind being too mushed together by all the fanfiction I’ve read over the years, but I feel that once he got to know you, he would just fall for you on the spot. Not just “fall”, either. He’d trip on his shoelaces, fall on his face and roll down a flight of stairs once he finally managed to wrap his head around the fact that you understand, that you care and that you’re not going anywhere.

After initiating contact and coming to that realization, he wouldn’t mind just spending time with you in silence. All that talking he does is nothing more than a façade he’s put up to feel less out of place, less pathetic about being so weak around his dad, but it’s not the real him at all. Billy has been cold and guarded for so long that he, just like you, no longer knows how to communicate his feelings through words, either. Instead, he tends to show his emotions through his actions, so I can imagine there being a lot of silence. Mutual silence.

Would he still enjoy having genuine conversations with you? Yes, absolutely. As would he never hesitate to joke around if you felt down and needed to laugh. But he would also feel safe enough with you to be silent and vulnerable, without feeling that pressure to always keep talking and acting like he does when he’s with other people. He pretends to be comfortable, pretends to fit in, but in reality, he feels out of place, too. He’s felt unwanted, judged and misunderstood for most of his life just like you describe yourself to have done.

He has fooled around with a lot of girls but he’s still touch-starved, because no-strings-attached relations doesn’t do anything for him other than provide a temporary distraction. It never gives him the emotional, sentimental, meaningful proximity that he needs, so you have in common to crave physical touch and it would be a mutual thing for the two of you to show your emotions through touch rather than words.

You also have your love for music in common, and it’s so fitting because you like the same genres, which would only give him another way to be free around you. I can just imagine the two of you belting out your highest notes, totally off-key, while blaring rock music in his car.

To finish it off, loyalty is something he values above everything which is why he can never really hold on to long-term relationships or friendships. The only person who has ever been truly loyal to him was his mom, and even she made the active choice to leave him in the end, which is where his commitment issues stem from. So the fact that you’re genuinely loyal will be a complete game-changer.

He, too, loves the feeling of being free, and I have no doubt in my mind that the two of you would find ways to feel that way together without him going back to his old, problematic methods.

Like I’ve mentioned before, I definitely don’t condone his behavior nor do I encourage anyone to stay in a toxic and abusive relationship, whether it be mental, emotional, or physical abuse. I don’t like savior-complexes and I don’t encourage anyone to get together with a “bad boy” because they think they can “cHaNgE HiM”.

But I feel like Billy is one of those cases that has certain circumstances that makes him a bit of an exception. He’s made some reaaaally bad choices and treated people very badly which he still has to be held accountable for, but going forward, he could be an amazing person if only he got reminded of what it feels like to be loved. Because at this point, he’s probably completely forgotten it, and living without love for so long will drive any person into madness.

I still wouldn’t recommend someone heading into a relationship with him solely for the purpose of “changing him”, but I do think that, if the right person came along on random, these changes wouldn’t at all be impossible.

The way he behaves toward people can’t be excused and he still needs to own up to his behavior and mistakes, but I think we’ve gotten it proven at the end of last season that he actually does want to be better and that all he needed toward the end was to be shown some genuine love in order to be able to make that change.

PEAKY BLINDERS

I ship you with Arthur Shelby!

Arthur is like Billy in a lot of ways, so this is a controversial one too for the same reasons, but Arthur is also very different.

While Billy has built up tall, strong, practically non-penetrable walls around himself to avoid having to feel anything, Arthur is much more emotional and aware of his mistakes since he never really managed to use his trauma to build up a protective wall, but rather just let them pile up without knowing how to properly process them so that he’s now stuck having to feel it all at once with no way out.

He was left really vulnerable after his dad left which, I think, made him more open for the trauma he experienced during the war. It is my honest opinion that, had his dad still been in the picture, he would’ve been a lot less unstable today. But, as we know, his dad left him and his siblings, and that was the first trigger to a long line of domino bricks.

At this point, he’s so damaged that he has no sense of self-worth, whatsoever. He doesn’t feel worthy of love or a good life even though he wishes and dreams of it, so once he actually finds someone who wants to be with him, he falls hard, and would do anything in his power to be the best possible partner.

He’d be so romantic, so loving, so eager to please that he’d agree to pretty much anything requested of him. He’d abandon all of his other responsibilities to just live a happy life with you so living peacefully in a secluded area in a cottage with lots of animals is not something he would be opposed to at all. Nor would taking late-night strolls or staying in with you when everyone else goes out to drink be, because I’m certain that the only reason he drinks is because being sober on his own is too painful.

His way of acting out with anger and violence is nothing more than a product of his environment. Every day, every sound, every smell, every person he surrounds himself with, are triggers to his multiple traumas and the longer he surrounds himself with chaos, the more he’s going to lose himself to his anger – because anger is the only emotion through which he knows how to handle his trauma, as no one has ever tried helping him onto a healthier road of recovery but rather just told him to “suck it up”.

So the fact that you’re so kind, calm, sympathetic and understanding, and that you’re recognize where anger, frustration and despair comes from, that you’re open and impartial toward everyone without any judgment or prejudice, and also have a calming and grounding effect on people would just help him so much. Everyone else that he frequently surrounds himself with are big parts of the problem that is his mental illnesses and aggressive and violent tendencies. They do nothing to help but rather encourages it and fuels the fire so they can use his anger for their own winning.

He’s just constantly told to suck it up, be a man, have a drink or three, snort a line of cocaine, blah blah blah. The way his mental instability is treated by his inner circle is the literal embodiment of toxic masculinity and does nothing to help his case, because then he starts hating himself even more for feeling all the emotions that he does.

So, once given the correct support that he needs, he would pay you right back by making sure you never go a day without being told how amazing you are and how lucky he is to have you. He would throw, or at least try to his absolute best ability to do so, all of your insecurities out the window before they’d even gotten the chance to get through the door. He would literally adore you and, metaphorically speaking, be ready to eat straight out of your palm if told to do so.

All he needs is kindness, understanding and most of all patience, because while he is a work in progress, he is trying.

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