#let it pass cause im too afraid and too uncomfortable to be vulnerable and intimate

[sanjarka]

this song. this stupid fucking song. oh the rain, it's constant. never mind if I'm awakened. throwing stones against my windows. sounds a lot like young love. yeah, i wouldn't know, i was always terrified of touching. yeah, i wouldn't know, i always thought my eyes would burn.

[midday0nightmares]

26 - in your arms (m).

Previous chapter reckless choices.

m.list.

warnings: this series contains themes of yandere\mafia, blood, violence, mental health, drugs, non-con.

author note: this is pure fiction and it is not intended to romanticize any of the situations mentioned bellow.

The unexpected appearance of the young man with the unusual bright orange hair throw you all off guard, a minute have passed with the four of you starring at each other.

“I’m Zhong chenle, I moved to the 49th floor I believe that make us neighbors” his big smile never faltered. 

Jeno broke the rude silence, he cleared his throat, “It does” exchanging looks with jaemin, 

“welcome man, I’m jeno and this is jaemin” they shake hands with him while you stand there awkwardly shifting your weight from one foot to the other.

Chenle looks at you waiting for an introduction, jeno and jaemin hesitate for a second before jeno speaks again “that’s sera, she’s our roommate” You force smile, you feel uncomfortable with the attention, the way his eyes were scanning you from top to bottom..your messy hair, puffy face with red eyes and nose, your scraped knee through your torn jeans. You obviously been through something. you looked away hoping he would get the hint and stop starring. 

“Excuse us, we just came back from a long trip and we all are tired. See you around” jaemin spoke trying to cut the encounter short as he walked into the elevator first and you followed him, but chenle spoke again “I’m throwing a home warming party tomorrow night, you should come. You can bring guests too if want”.  

.

The elevator doors close, “he seems .. “ jeno trails and jaemin finishs his sentence “wild, we should be more carful now”. 

.

.

As soon as they walk through the door, they head straight to their rooms leaving you alone. you huff, still upset with yourself, you thought you should try again with jaemin, you want to properly explain yourself to him. you knock on his door, no response. you turn the door knob and let yourself in.

His clothes were scattered on the floor, the shower was running and steam was coming out of the slightly open bathroom door. You walk in and closed the door behind you, you too discard your clothes too you could join him. 

You open the bathroom door trying not to make any noise, the way his toned body stood in the hot fog, the way the water hits his muscular tattooed back made your heart flutter. Your face growing warm and you can’t blame it all on the hot stream. 

you tiptoe closer but you straddle him before you could surprise him, a heavy sigh blows out of him, he turns his back to you resuming his shower “what do you want?”..  you, I want you, you wished you could be honest, but you aren’t discouraged yet, as long as he’s not throwing punches you’er good to go.

You get in the shower wrap your arms around his waist, pressing naked chest to his bare back. He doesn’t react or try to push you away. 

“Im sorry” you say in your softest voice “I wasn’t thinking straight, I was scared and shocked, I didn’t know what to do”, you tighten your hold around him when he doesn’t say anything. he sigh but this time in defeat and turns in you arms to face you, his hands come cup your cheeks. “sera, if you want to leave, then go. I won’t hold you back anymore”, you shake your head refusing his suggestion, “ I don’t” your hands grabbing his arms, afraid that he will let go and you’ll lose him. He doesn’t believe you, his hands loosens ready to pull away from you, “jaemin” you try to step even closer, your arms reaching to the back of his neck “I promise you I don’t want to go. I want to stay here, with you” your voice straining with growing fear.

“Sera” he try to pry your arms of off him “I don’t know anymore, I try my best but you alway want to leave me”

“no” you stretch yourself on your tiptoes to reach his lips as you pull him down, you mold your lips with his, the feverish kiss lasts for what seems to be hours, your heart explodes in your chest when he opens his mouth to take your tongue in. his taste intoxicate you, making your head spin with lust, but you had to pull away to breathe. 

the way his eyes were still closed, the way his chest was heavily rising, the way his cheeks were returning to their original color, and the way he was beige vulnerable in your hands it all tugged on your heart strings.

He pulls you by your waist and holds you his chest, he hugs you so tight like he was trying to push you inside of his chest cavity. You don’t mind as you try to do the same to him, it would be nice if you could keep him next your heart.

You can feel all the exhaustion and frustration melts off of him. his angelic smile returns, his hands hold your face in place as he leans down to press tens of kisses to it, your giggles echoing off the walls. you reach for the body wash “Let me take care of you” you say to him in between the small kisses. You bit your lip when he doesn’t object, you squeeze the soapy gel into your hand and start leathering it over his bored chest, slowly moving to his shoulders and arms. He turns around and you do the same to his back, your hands move back to his stomach and you work your way down to his groin region, you take your time exploring his body, admiring every detail.

“sera..” his low voice calls your name, you ghost over his half alerted member earring a hiss. 

You feel the strong thumbs of his racing heart, you stop dragging it and take him in your hand, he moans and throws his head back, you bite on the soft skin of his back as you were getting exited yourself.

You slowly stroke him, feeling him twitch as he grows harder in your hands, his hips move in sync with your touch, his low moans and heavy breathing sound like a mesmerizing spell being casted over you.

He make a questioning sound when you stop, you turn him around and get on your knees in front of him to indulge yourself into him more. You take him in your mouth, you both moan when the intimate contact happens, you lose yourself in the way he feels filling your mouth, you take him deeper to the back you your throat finding pleasure with the struggle to take all of him in. he hiss and stops you “baby.. slow down”, you feel self conscious as shyness bites at your cheeks.

He helps you up, turning around pressing you to the cold tiles “I want you too you know” he mumbles into your neck as his lips attacks it, the work of his hunger and wet mouth makes you dizzy, his hands touching, squeezing, pinching every accessible part of you.

You were both needy for each other, passion was running in your vines fueling you to go further, you arch you back into him “Jaemin.. please”  you moan, begging him to do something already, his hands he grab your hips, pulling them back to gain better access to the place he hasn’t touched yet, he aligns his tip to your opening and slowly starts pushing in, there’s no resistance as he smoothly slides in, he opens you, stretching your walls around him.

Your loud moan egging him to go deeper, although it’s not your first time with him, but it feels like a new experience. his arms wrap around you, securing you for what’s to come, he stills when he bottoms out, taking a moment to enjoy being completely buried inside of you. 

You swear your bones went soft when his hips starts moving, he slowly pulls out before pushing back in, high pitched gasp comes out of you with each thrust, your toes curl and you fingers scratch the cold wall. your eyes flutter and your mind goes blank, all you are aware of right now is the immense pleasure of him stuffed deep into you.

He grunts before he bites your shoulder, muffling his sounds, his thrusts gets stronger, rougher, you jerk froward every time his hips snap back into you before his hands pull your hips back to him. you feel the tight knot in the pit of your stomach, your back arching into him more. He seems to know how close you are “baby you gonna cum?” He asks you but your mushy brain doesn’t register it, he holds you closer and give you exactly what you need, faster thrusts. It toke only two more thrusts to push you of the edge, your walls convulse around him, you chant his name as you come undone, he push himself deeper into you and stays there to make sure you ride the last bit of your intense orgasm. 

His hand creases your lower abdomen to calm your shaking body as your try to catch your breathes, “you ok?” you weakly nod to him, you don’t want to speak as your head is being folded with euphoric cocktail of hormones.

 “can you take more?” he makes sure you can before he starts moving again, you hiss at the burning sensation, you’er still sensitive and he was overstimulating you, but you quickly start to enjoy it too, specially knowing he finds his pleasure in you.

He dose’t last long after that, couple more sharp thrusts and he pulls out and spill his hot cum over your back. 

He holds you close for a while, before he helps you cleaning yourself, with both of you very tired, clean and very much satisfied, you dry yourselves and for the first time you willingly wear his clothes instead of yours.

You lay in his bed first and wait for him, “you still have it?” you squeal when you saw he still keep the teddy bear he bought you from the hospital next to his pillow, “I do” he sheepishly smile as he gets under the covers with you and pulls you closer to him, “can I take it?” .. “hmm it’s yours, its always have been yours” his words fill your fills with butterflies. you turn and snuggle closer to him, you lay over his chest socking in his warmth, his hand plays with your fingers. 

“When does your classes begin?” He asks you, 

“Next Monday”.. 

You look up at him, you stare into his dreamy eyes, you swear you can fall into them, you were smitten.. but the events of last night came creeping back, bursting your lovey dovey bubble, your hand pulls out of his, your body starts to retract itself away from him. But holds you firmly, retaking your hand in his “sera, he was a very bad man” he tries to explain, knowing the cause behind the sudden change in to your behavior, but his words don’t appease your worry, so he tries again.

“look at me, It has to be done or many people would have gotten hurt. Im not what you think I am” but the knot between your eyebrows still tight so he brings your hand up to his mouth, and kiss each finger before he place it on his cheek “l left my father’s gang long time ago, I’m not that type of a man, never was never will”, you can hear the sincerity in his voice and you finally settle in your place next to him and nod “I know”.