#lestatdelioncourtkin

[fictionkinfessions]

My daughter. Lucille.

She should not have been born. For many reasons. Two vampires for parents, for one. The fact that I carried her and birthed her despite being born a man, and the fact that she was implanted by my own birth mother. I can't say that it was a good union, nor one I would support now. But she made me happy, and I made her happy, at least for a time.

And she gave me Lucille. Mon petit ange. Hair lighter than either of ours, but every bit of Gabrielle's wit and mind. Even at six years old she was a better vampire than either of us, and perhaps that's why she left with Gabrielle to the wilderness.

Lucille was beautiful. She was a different sort of creature than her parents, wild and confident and growing in a way a turned vampire never can. She was everything to me for the years we had her. How could she not? A mother will love her child to the point of self-destruction, at least in the case of this Lioncourt.

I cannot regret Lucille being born, even if I can admit that the relationship that created her was not one that should have ever happened. Lucille was perfect, and she and Claudia should have been family. A sister, perhaps, would have helped her feel less alone. Or maybe they would have bonded the way I did with Gabrielle. In any case.

If Lucille exists out there, as I hope she does, I hope she knows how loved she is. I hope she knows that she will never be regretted, and that seeing her again fulfilled me in a way I never expected. I miss you, darling, more than anything.

Mon ange, tu es parfaite. Je t'aime. Je t'aime toujours.

—Lestat de Lioncourt

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[fictionkinfessionsarchived]

Hello Lestat de Lioncourt here to complain, and complain I will. Todays complaint: despite the fact it's practically canonical I've seen no one refer to Gabrielle as a transman, or well...a man at all. I never referred to it in my books because it wasn't so much my place nor did I always know the term...however if I see one more person call him my sister I am going to pull a Louis and light them on fire.

[the-havoc-system]

Shout out time

I just want to give a shout out to one amazing canonmate. @lestatdelioncourtkin you’re great I love you.

Sincerely,

Louis De Pointe Du Lac

[fictionkinfessions]

To Gabrielle.

Would you still rather I call you Gabrielle, Maman? I don’t know anymore. Everything was so complicated. I don’t know if I’ve forgiven you for leaving me. I could never be angry with you, though. You are the first person I loved. The one who taught me to love so wholly and fervently.

You came back for me. I didn’t think you would, in truth. I was convinced you were lost to me forever, lost in the Savage Garden and buried underneath the earth you loved so. You loved the wilderness more than me, sometimes, but can I truly blame you? You who spent your life as nursemaid and raising children of whom only one gave that love back. Married to a man who beat the son you loved and never brought you to the wonderful places you missed from your youth. Yet still you came back. To protect me. Because at the end of it all you could not see me destroyed. Which love compelled that from you, do you think? We shared so many by the end. It doesn’t matter, truthfully. Knowing that you still loved me enough to come for me was enough.

I hope your time in the wilderness was what you dreamed it was. Burying yourself. The freedom of the hunt, and the wisdom of the world as it was. I couldn’t hear you from that far away, but I hope you would tell me of it. Were you free to discover that you were something other than what your life made you? I would not have been surprised if you had returned a man, genderless, some other gender presentation, or something without a name yet. You were never really a woman, not since I gave you the blood of Magnus. You were more beautiful for it, but I still cannot bring myself to use anything other than the name Gabrielle or the pronouns she/her for you. Forgive your fallible son, Maman. You are my mother even if you lost all else in finding yourself. We created each other, you and I.

I would never go back to my childhood home, but I would go back for our conversation. The way you held me, or spoke to me in a way Father and the others never did. I would have apologized to you for all the labor you suffered on behalf of children dead or who did not love you. I fall into the former category, of course. I wanted to give you the world. It’s why I promised to cut your hair every night if you wished. Why I bought you fine things you didn’t want. Took you to cities you couldn’t wait to evacuate.

This is a letter I can’t truly send to you because I don’t know where you are. Isn’t it funny how things repeat? Once again, you are beyond my reach. Once again, no matter how I call you, no matter how far I go, I might never even have a hint of you being there. I hope that we are reunited, in that selfish part of me that wishes for things that were. I won’t want to recreate everything we had, for a number of reasons, but just to hold your hand and speak with you plainly would bring me joy. To tell you what I read and to hear what about the world brings you joy would fulfill me more than anyone can ever know.

Your child, your maker, your love, and ever yours,

Lestat de Lioncourt (#🌿🏹🩸)

x

[fictionkinfessions]

I deserved for them to leave me. So why do I miss them so much

—Lestat de Lioncourt

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[fictionkinfessions]

worried I’m becoming a possessive emotionally manipulative asshole again. I wish it weren’t a trend I could see with myself, maybe it’d be less scary if it wasn’t.

—Lestat de Lioncourt

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[fictionkinfessions]

Louis. I sometimes think about looking for you too. Fairness aside, I do agree that finding each other again may not be the best idea. And yet, I also care deeply for you. It is good enough to know that you are out there, and that you are, hopefully, living well. I hope you get to see many more sunrises. ~ Lestat de Lioncourt (IWTV kin)

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[fictionkinfessions]

I saw someone who kins Louis post on here and it just made me feel this even more. I miss Louis so fucking much! I really wish I could talk to him or see him again. I feel so weird without him, I keep getting reminded of him. Just like in canon when I was without him, I feel so off. I really really miss my husband. -Lestat de Lioncourt

[fictionkinfessions]

My Darling Nicki,

I’ve thought of you quite a lot lately, remembering our conversation. I wish I could hear you play the violin again, the way that you could put so much emotion into your music. I’ve never heard anything quite like it, and I’m sure you could still move me to tears. I’d quite enjoy it if you did, as I always did. You were always so quick to comfort me when it happened, but it was never a problem to me.

I wish things could have gone differently. Sometimes I think that if I’d stayed human we could’ve grown old together, and I even find myself wishing that we had. Malady Mortality would’ve been easier to face than losing you. I don’t know if you’re still out there, but I miss you so dearly. Try not to let your cynicism take away from all there is to love, mon amour. I hope that we can meet again.

With Love,

Lestat de Lioncourt

🍃

[fictionkinfessions]

Akasha.

I stand by how I spoke to you then. The killing of over 1/3 of the human race is inexcusable from someone who claims to love them. You pondered your thoughts for centuries, but you forgot to love humans in their entirety, even in their damnation and their flaws. You forgot that it was your own human failings and human frailty that created our damned kind.

All that said, I still love you. Even as I am happy with mon Saint Louis, even as I have moved past the person you wanted to make me? I think of you often. I think of Akasha, the creature that would not have killed me even if it doomed all the world. Beautiful, ethereally beautiful. Sculpted as if by creation itself to be so perfect. You were the perfect trap for me, so beautiful I got caught up in every moment with you.

Mother to me as you were mother to all our kind. Lover for me, seeing me and being moved by me in a way no one had in thousands of years. Do you know what that meant to me, a being always hungry for love? Wanting something his own mother could not give, having been scorned by two lovers each in their own time because of my own damned flaws? To be told, even if we are incompatible, that you would never have been rid of me? Above and beyond your own aspirations? It was a love song you spoke to me between our minds. It was the exact thing you knew I longed to hear, and to know you meant it was even more intoxicating.

I don't truly know the purpose of this message. A strange self-contemplation as I always have done. Are you even out there, Akasha? The originator, the reason for my existence?

Perhaps you have found that internal morality you always searched for, perhaps you haven't. If you have, then I am happy for you. If you haven't, I hope you find a way to deal with that feeling inside. You deserve some peace. We all do, don't we?

If you do read this, don't feel the need to respond. I'm sure you will, being who you are, but it is enough to know that you are not trapped in that horrible cycle of the world. You created us, your damned children, and you are everything to me still.

Always your brat prince, Lestat de Lioncourt (#🌿🏹🩸)

P.S. And to my Louis, whom I know will read this, this is in no way me saying I am not happy or whole with you. My heart is a fickle thing, as it always has been, but you are my everything, and I would have it no other way. These feelings are just that, feelings, and my life is with you.

w

[fictionkinfessions]

Hello new Interview With a Vampire kins! I hope you're all doing well. I have yet to see the new adaptation but I hope they do us justice. Be safe and may you find safety and happiness in the arms of someone who loves you! -Lestat De Lioncourt (Of The book persuasion.)

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[fictionkinfessions]

My Dearest Louis, 

I don’t think we have ever been quite so far apart. Of course I can remember how far I felt from you following our separation. I was sure then I could never miss you more and yet I’ve found myself in a new life entirely still yearning for the time we shared.

I don’t imagine you remember me in a positive light, and I couldn’t possibly blame you for that. Our little family was dysfunctional at best; I am well aware of that now. It was a family though, wasn’t it? We raised a daughter together, spent decades in what was, to me, bliss. For a time I was loved, and we had one another.

I know now neither you nor Claudia would have ever been happy within our family. It was inevitable that we’d fall apart, and as crushing as it was I find myself happy that you at least had an opportunity to find yourself; To spread your wings, so to say. I had hoped at a time that turning you would be that opportunity, but it was foolish to think your development should be based on my influence. Perhaps that’s precisely why you needed to be without me in order to grow.

I suppose this is all to say that I miss you and wish you well. I wonder at times if you have ever missed me too, or if you were simply happy to be rid of me. I do however doubt you’d have had a whole book written about me if that were the case. 

Yours Eternally,

Lestat de Lioncourt

P.S. That book was horrendous.

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[fictionkinfessions]

me kinning lestat de lioncourt is just adding onto this... infinitely long list of frenchmen . i should not be allowed to watch movies or shows with french people in them #🌹❣️🇨🇵

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[fictionkinfessions]

the same Lestat from a... few weeks? several days? ago? time kind of melds together lately, hello everyone. this time i am crying over Louis independently, not us with Claudia. fun night. he makes me feel so many emotions at one time.

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[fictionkinfessions]

realized i kin lestat de lioncourt when a post about louis, lestat and claudia being a domestic "family" together made my eyes well up with tears. good god.

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[fictionkinfessions]

My name is Lestat de Lioncourt and I will forever be angry that I can’t just live a happy life with my husband and daughter.