#less important and then go AW FUCK later when suddenly it fits perfectly for someone else

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I Hate Me Now

Word Count: 6k 

Genre: Angst, smut 

Summary: You and Wonpil used to be lovers, soulmates even, before your priorities in life got in the way. You wanted to do anything to help your family, no matter how morally ambiguous it is, while Wonpil thought that doing the right thing was of the utmost importance, no exceptions. Now, facing off in court years later, all the old wounds gets torn open again and things finally come to a head.

A/N: *long fart noise* this fic had the potential to be something good but I fucked it up and I’m beyond even caring.

Warnings: inconsistent writing if you’ve ever seen one, kinda femdom, unhealthy as per usual, sad little story.

The neutral, slightly intimidating mask you put on everyday was the one most people were familiar with by now. You rarely showed your real emotions anymore, not since you had lost him. His departure brought on a profound change in your life. There had already been a rift growing between who you wanted to be and who you had to be in order to survive, but when he left he took any remaining idealism left in you with him. It’s funny that the reason he left you was because he couldn’t handle your diverging moral standings, yet it was precisely his departure that cemented the turn you had taken.

Now, with him standing opposite you in the courtroom, fighting for the opposing team, you feel your mask slipping. It was hard seeing him like this. Even though it’s been years already, not having him break into that breathtaking smile of his that was like an ingrained reflex as soon as his eyes would meet yours was disquieting. Now he just frowns and looks away; his big, beautiful eyes that used to be filled to the brim with a sort of dreamy goodness were now empty and tired.

Needless to say, you weren’t on your best game. You could hardly concentrate at all during the trial, and you can bet your ass that your boss knew about your abysmal performance before it even ended. As soon as you were out of the courtroom, he was calling to give you crap about it and condescendingly remarking that if you couldn’t handle such a big case then you should’ve left it to someone who actually knew what he was doing, emphasis on the ‘He’. You assured him that everything was under control and that this wouldn’t happen again. You were just caught off guard, not that you dared tell him that last part. This was a huge case and it could either make or break your career. You couldn’t afford to get distracted by the man you had once thought to be the love of your life, and might still do…

You had to do this for your family. But it seems the man in question intends to put your resolve to the test.

You don’t know how he found you. Perhaps he had followed you out of the courthouse. Did he hear you talking on the phone to your boss? You sure hope not, not when his mere presence was forcing you to face the fact that you never got over him after all, and you didn’t need him to see that. You had hoped that the time and distance would harden your heart and heal the wounds he had inflicted upon it but all it took was one look in his eyes for them to get ripped wide open again.

If nothing else, you wanted to keep your pride. He doesn’t get to break your heart and see you still broken up about it all these years later. So you put on your mask again and smirk at him, “Good work today, Pili.”

His frown deepens at the term of endearment you used to call him when you were together. You suppose you aren’t allowed to use it anymore, which is precisely why you do. “Too bad it won’t do you any good. You always did have a soft spot for the hopeless cases.”

Wonpil puffs his chest out, subconsciously trying to look bigger under your mocking gaze. “Our case isn’t hopeless.”

“Yeah sure, whatever you say, Pili.” You roll your eyes. You should end it there, tell him you have no time for him and leave to go work harder on your case to take him and the people he represents down. But you haven’t made a levelheaded decision since the moment he came back into your life and you just can’t resist adding, “You shouldn’t be wasting your skill on these people. They’re never gonna win. Join my company. I’m sure I can find you a place.”

Wonpil’s face contorts in disgust, “You think I would ever be a part of a company like yours? You kill people!”

“My company doesn’t kill people.” You reply half-heartedly, not really up to defending your employers out of the courtroom.

“Maybe not directly but the chemicals they pollute the environment with has led to the illness and death of countless people. That’s on your hands.”

You’re not surprised that he insists on making you complicit in the actions of the company you’re representing. Wonpil always did have an absolute sense of justice, from the CEO to the janitor, everyone was equally responsible in his eyes.

 “Be careful what you accuse people of, Pili. This could get you in real trouble once my company wins the lawsuit. And they will win.” You smile sadly, “They always win.”

You walk closer to him and reach out for his hand tentatively. You’re surprised when he lets you, and you take a moment to just hold it, feeling the familiar, yet almost-forgotten, weight of it in your own hands. When you lace your fingers together, they fit as perfectly as they did years ago, the heat of him permeating through yours like blood through a corpse revived. 

You know you couldn’t let yourself get carried away for long. You needed to say what you had to say and then withdraw back into yourself when he inevitably rejects you. Rubbing your thumb over the web of skin between his thumb and index, you take a few moments to steady your breath as you willfully shed years worth of mental defenses to allow him to gaze onto the real you, naked from any pretenses and completely vulnerable against the bottomless darkness you see in his own eyes. 

“I’ve missed you so much, you can’t even know. I��� I still want you.” You weren’t sure if it was just your voice that was trembling or your entire body—you were holding too tightly onto his hand to be able to tell. “It’s not too late for us. We can still be together. What you’re doing right now is admirable, fighting for those who can’t fight for themselves. You’ve got the most beautiful soul I’ve ever seen… but it’s a losing battle. There is no hope for them, but there is for us. We can have a good life together.”

His lips press together into a thin line and he yanks his hand back, almost throwing you forward when you don’t react fast enough to untangle your fingers as he steps away from you, looking disgusted at the mere thought of what you’re suggesting. “If you really think that I’d not only abandon these people but actually work against them then you don’t know me at all.”

“Oh, I know you.” You look down at your now empty hands, muttering tiredly, “I just hoped that you might’ve changed.”

“And I wish you didn’t. I don’t even know who you are anymore. You’re nothing like the girl I once fell in love with. You’re a monster.”

You let out a bark of laughter to hide the stabbing pain his words delivered right into the center of your chest, cutting up your tattered heart all over again. “And did you follow me all this way just to say that? Aw, Pili, you shouldn’t have.”

He glares at you, utter contempt displayed on his face.

“I hate you.” He curses out before he leaves, not sparing you a second glance, and for that you were thankful. You could barely stomach the fact that the broken woman who was openly sobbing in the middle of the street in broad daylight was you—you didn’t need him to see that.

___________________________

Just like you hadn’t expected to ever face off with him in a courtroom, you also never expected him to show up at your place only days after your less-than-sweet reunion.

“What are you doing here?” You stand with your arms folded over your chest, feeling resentful that he’s forcing you to deal with the heartache he brought with him into your own residence. “How did you even know where my apartment is?”

“You’ve messed with my damn head.” He accuses, looking deeply agitated as he paces back and forth in your living room.

The audacity of this man! He sought you out first, then he rejected you, and now he barges into your home and claims you are messing with him?

You plant your body in his path to stop his pacing, and ask, putting emphasis on each word, “Why. are. you. here?”

He stares at you for a second, exasperated and contemplating what to say, but each time a sentence starts forming, he bites it back abruptly. Huffing, he runs his hand through his hair haphazardly and tries to get past you to start pacing again.

But you jump into action, your hands shooting out to grab him and hold him in place. You won’t let him play games with you. You won’t be able to handle it.

In the process of holding on to him to try to keep him in place, you had gotten much closer to him in proximity. With your arms almost enveloping him, your heart starts beating erratically. This was the closest you’d been to him in years, and by the looks of it, Wonpil wasn’t completely unfazed by it either.

“What do you want from me, Wonpil?” You ask, suddenly feeling weary as if all the fight has seeped out of your body. 

His eyes flit down to your lips as you talk, and they linger there even after you’re done, giving you your answer. Wonpil was never particularly good at hiding his feelings, something he would readily admit to if asked, and you take advantage of it.

You raise your hand to his face carefully as if he’s a frightened animal you don’t want to scare off. When he feels your hand on his cheek, he finally looks you in the eyes again, and you feel a twinge of pity at the helplessness you see in his gaze.

Taking in a deep breath, you ask slowly, “Do you want to kiss me, Wonpil?”

You knew you shouldn’t be doing this; it will only open up your wounds further, but you’ve never gotten to say goodbye to him, and you knew that if you miss this-- probably last-- chance to be with him, you will live to regret it even more.

You’re so lost in your own head that you miss the subtle nod Wonpil gives you and, antsy by your lack of response, he makes the first move, pressing his lips to your own.

It’s an awkward kiss, tight-lipped and uncoordinated as Wonpil is unsure of what he is allowed to do, but feeling the urgency to touch you anyway. His hands are all over you, but not in a good way. They would barely touch a part of you before they moved on to the next, leaving you feeling unsatisfied.

Deciding to take the reins—which was par for the course back during your relationship anyway—you grab his hands and hold them behind his back, making him whine when you break the kiss. “Don’t whine. You don’t have the right to.”

He bites his lip, stifling anymore protests from coming out. Pulling on his arm, you lead him to your bedroom and push him on the bed. He tries to pull you down with him but you shake him off. Again, he starts whining but with a sharp raise of your eyebrow, he pipes down immediately.

Grabbing the hem of your oversized shirt, you cock your head at him. “Do you want me to take this off?”

“Yes, please.” He breathes out before you’re even done talking.

You slide the shirt up your body slowly, teasingly, making sure to give Wonpil a show. With the shirt off, your breasts are entirely exposed for you to play with them and tease Wonpil some more. Pushing them together, messaging them, twisting the nipples lightly, you do everything you know will drive him crazy until he’s biting down hard on his lip so he wouldn’t piss you off, but you could see from the obvious bulge in his pants and the way his right leg was bouncing up and down impatiently that he was getting needy.

You give your breasts one last squeeze before you slide your hands down your abdomen and towards the waistline of your shorts, pushing it down on one side only to pull it back up and do the same thing with the other side.

“Please.”

“Please, what? You want me to take this off too?”

“Yes.”

“But I thought I was a disgusting monster and you can’t even look at me. You have no problem with it now that you want to get your dick wet, huh?”

He averts his eyes, having the audacity to look ashamed and it pisses you the fuck off. 

You grab his jaw, making him face you, and hiss down at him. “Either you grow some fucking balls and face the implications of your own desire or you get the fuck out of my sight.” 

You needed him to voice out his desire so he’d admit that he’s equally responsible for what is happening. You’re not going to let him paint you as a monster seducing poor, helpless him. He wants this too, and he needs to be held accountable for that.

“What do you want me to say?” He asks, entirely too chagrined than he had any right to be. 

“That you’re a fucking hypocrite.” You spit, astonished at how disgusted you were with him, while still wanting to be one with him. Your whole relationship is a mess, and you’re convinced that either it was never meant to be, or that the gods themselves are jealous of your love and are trying to hurt you.

“I’m… I’m a hypocrite. There, are you happy?” He challenges, but you just let out a tired sigh, almost having expected him to deny it and put an end to this—to tell you that this is insane and you’re insane, but he validates your insanity and now you can’t back down.

No. None of this makes you happy. You haven’t been happy ever since he left you.

You take your shorts and panties off unceremoniously and straddle him, staying still for a moment to see if he’ll try something, but his hands stay balled to his sides as he awaits your permission to touch you, so you give it to him. “Go ahead. You can touch.”

His hands immediately go to your breasts, touching you in the exact same way you were just touching yourself, and you laugh. “Aw, Pili, you wanted it that bad?”

He frowns in that adorably pouty way he unconsciously does sometimes, and it makes your smile falter, the memory of something you used to have but is just out of your reach now is all too painful.

He forcefully takes you out of your thoughts when his mouth latches onto one of your breasts, placing kisses all over it and sucking on your nipple. You moan out, a hand reaching for his hair and automatically tugging on it the way you know he likes, which only makes him needier, one of his hands eagerly moving down to your pussy, and the moan that leaves him lets you know just how excited he is to find you dripping. Too impatient to wait, his fingers move down to your hole right away. When a finger enters you, he’s the one pulling back with a throaty moan.

You chuckle breathlessly, feeling yourself quivering around his finger. “Does my pussy feel that good, Pili?”

He nods, pumping his finger in and out of you, making you gasp as you start unbuttoning his shirt. “Tell me what it feels like.” 

“Tight. Wet. Soft.”

“Hmm, and did you miss it?” You slip his shirt off his shoulders, forcing him to remove his hands from you, but as soon as the shirt is off, his hands are back on you again, one grabbing a handful of your breast and the other two fingers deep in you.“Do you miss how it feels around your cock?”

“Yeah.” He closes his eyes and you know that he’s imagining it. 

“Do you want to feel it again?”

“Yes.” His eyes snap open again, full of silent pleas.

You push him backwards until he’s lying down in the middle of the bed with you straddling him, his cock snug between your wet folds as you slowly rub up and down against it. With your hands holding his arms over his head, he looks up at you, gaze brimming with need as he holds his breath and waits, but you don’t give it to him yet.

“Look at you. You were acting all high and mighty earlier but now you’re willing to do anything to get inside this pussy, huh?” You taunt, rubbing yourself with the tip of his dick.

When he doesn’t say anything, you lean down to bite his collarbone, making him yelp. “Answer me, Pili.”

“Yes, please, give it to me.” He nods emphatically, throwing his head back and crying out as you sink down on him. 

As soon as you have him all the way inside of you, you know you are in trouble. God, he fills you up so good. Everywhere his cock touched inside of you burns with pleasure and you can’t even help yourself; you ride him hard and fast, desperate to feel the kind of pleasure you haven’t felt in years. Everything is just different with him, the way he fits inside of you, the needy, almost reverent look on his face, his choked off moans, they all work you up to a frenzy. 

“Does it feel good, Pili?”

“Yes. So, so good.”

“I bet you’ve been fantasizing about this for years... just lying in bed, fucking your own spit-covered hand and imagining it was me taking you.” 

“Yeah, y-yeah…” He sniffles, lower lip trembling as he readily admits to it.

“You’re gonna cry?” You spit out, suddenly enraged, and come to a stop. “Fuck, you’re so pathetic.” 

“No! I’m sorry. I’ll stop. Please keep going.” 

“No. I won’t let you twist this narrative into you being the victim.” You fall back onto the bed and pull him up over you. “If you want me, take me.”

The muscle in his jaw jumps as he considers his options for a second, and you lay completely still under him, waiting for him to make the decision on his own, half-wishing he’d stop this madness. But he doesn’t.

Grunting, his hands grab your hips as he pushes his length back inside you. It only takes a few unexpectedly sharp thrusts for you to cooperate and wrap your arms and legs around him. Goosebumps erupt all over his skin when you pull at the hair at the nape of his neck, the shaky moan your action elicits causing heat to start gathering in your belly once again. You stare up at him in hunger, admiring how sexy he looks as the pleasure overtakes his features.

“Shit…shit, you feel so good.” Wonpil rasps out, his eyes squeezing shut as his thrusts turn sloppy. “ I can’t hold on much longer.”

“Don’t you dare.” You snap at him, your nails digging red trails down his back, making his hips stutter. 

“Please, I can’t hold it.” He shakes his head, desperate to get you to let him cum.

“No.” You hiss, silencing him with a kiss. You swallow his whines as your hands grab his ass and force him to keep fucking you. The more he squirms, the more his hips grind against you, rubbing coarsely against your clit and bringing you oh-so-close to your orgasm. 

But—seemingly just a second away from release—Wonpil goes rigid under you, his body freezing up too hard to allow you to move him anymore. His mouth tears away from your own in a loud moan as his dick twitches inside you and fills you up with his hot cum.

You can’t believe it. You were so, so close. Frustration and disappointment fill up the spaces the receding pleasure leaves behind.

“I told you to stop.” You hear him say meekly, and you sigh as you’re left tense and unfulfilled, just like always. 

“It’s fine.” You mutter darkly, pushing him off you, and Wonpil’s face falls, shame spreading all over it.

You know your reaction is hurting him. Wonpil hated not pleasing you. He took it as a personal failure if you were even the slightest bit unhappy with his performance. His desire to please and your desire to be pleased are what brought you together in the first place many years ago. But honestly, all you can think about right now is that mind-blowing orgasm you were just robbed of because he couldn’t hold back just a little bit more.   

But before the last bit of pleasure inside you recedes from your body, it is forced back in when Wonpil, still half-hard and sheathed inside you, starts moving again, fucking his cum into your sensitive pussy.

“What are you doing?” Your mouth hangs open in shock and pleasure, and you watch him grit his teeth and set a frantic pace. As his cock starts hardening inside of you again, he’s able to fuck you harder and harder, the determined look on his face the sexiest thing you’ve ever seen.

His moans are loud, and you can’t tell if they’re from pleasure or pain as Wonpil never once lets up his assault, hitting just the right spot that has you seeing white. When his thumb flicks your clit, it is over for you, your hands flying out to grab his face and pull him down into a searing kiss as you cum. 

When you pull back from the kiss, signalling the end of your orgasm, Wonpil collapses into a sweaty mess next to you, still clinging to your body by wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in your neck as you both catch your breath.

“What’s so funny?” He perks his head up, asking as you start shaking with laughter in his arms. But the more you look at him, the harder you laugh. This is just all so absurd.

Wonpil watches you uneasily. He needs assurance, something that he had always relied on you to provide for him, but you can’t do that this time. 

You come down from your laughter fit with a deep sigh. “Get out.”

He’s taken aback at your sudden coldness. This isn’t what he expected, not what he was used to from you, and you almost start laughing again. Is he really that clueless? Did he expect things to be just like they were before after what he’s done?

His eyes flit between yours, searching for a comfort he won’t find in them. “But—but… aren’t we going to talk about this?"

“Talk about what, Wonpil?” You ask in exasperation, “Have you changed your mind about my work?”

“No, but—”

“But you want me to make the sacrifice for you.” You finish his sentence for him. “This is why you’re here, isn’t it? You refuse to give up your job but you expect me to give up mine for you.”

“It’s the right thing to do.” He bristles, sitting up.

“I don’t care about the right thing. All I care about is my family.”

His face hardens at that, and through gritted teeth, he says, “Your family isn’t going to starve if you work at another firm.”

“Quality of life isn’t measured by whether you starve or not. I want them to have a good life.” You don’t know why you even bother anymore, he’s never going to listen. “You wouldn’t understand.”

He tears himself away from you and gets up, angrily putting on his clothes. “Yes because I’m just a poor orphan boy who will never understand what family means. Isn’t that right?”

“Pili… you know I didn’t mean it like that.” You unconsciously reach out for him but he jumps away.

“Yes, you did. You always pitied me for not having a family.” Pain twists Wonpil’s pretty features. “You know, for a while, I actually thought you could be my family.”

“No, Pili. I couldn’t have.” You sigh sadly, the deepening look of hurt on his face cutting you up. “Because you left me. And family never leaves.”

His mouth opens and closes like he wants to say something but doesn't even know what. Collecting himself, Wonpil scoffs and turns towards the door.

“Yeah, like that.” You mutter, collapsing back on the bed as you hear the sound of your front door opening and slamming shut. 

___________________________________

You know it is wrong but you can’t stay away from each other. Now that you have had a taste of the forbidden after years of having sworn off each other, you couldn’t find it in you to stop.

You find yourself in each other’s beds again and again, hurling accusations at each other and fucking your emotions out until you’re too tired to do anything but sleep, each time getting more and more exhausted until you stop trying all together, just blocking out everything and focusing on the here and now as if nothing else existed outside of your respective bedrooms. 

Your nights have been sleepless ever since he's gotten back into your life, and not just for the obvious reason that he’s the person you thought was the love of all your lives, past or present. No, many nights were spent just staring at each other, no words uttered for fear of disturbing this fragile improbability that brought you back together, or holding each other so gingerly as if you were made of matter and antimatter and your meeting could annihilate not only yourselves but the entire world you’ve built around you. 

It’s a bubble and you know it, the translucent shell that surrounds you gleaming all rainbow-like when the light of forgotten dreams hits it just right. It sways and wobbles, signaling its impending explosion any moment now. And yet, you stay curled up around each other as if you can’t see the surface tension on the verge of breaking.

Every once in a while, one of you would lean forward and press their lips against the other’s, and you’d close your eyes and pretend like these past years have been nothing but a bad dream and you’re still college students, young and lost and unsure of everything in the world except for the notion that love is eternal and that you have already found it in each other.

You wonder what you’d look like now to your past selves, having gained all the conviction and knowledge you would’ve never thought you would possess, but having lost the one thing that made any of it worth a damn. You bet your past selves would hold each other and cry at the sight of the broken you holding onto the jagged pieces of your once-sweet notion with bleeding hearts and crushed souls.

Tears trickle down your face, and Wonpil reaches up to wipe them with the backs of his fingers, pressing his lips to yours again when the branching stream reaches even your lips.

Pulling back ever so slightly, he whispers to you and to the dying universe around you, the vibrations of his voice reaching your lips through the tiny distance between you, sounding choked up like he had begun crying too, “I wish we could stay here forever, just forget about everyone and be forgotten by them.”

You sigh and wrap yourself around him, his starry eyes shuttering closed and a soft pout forming on his lips as he drifts off to sleep, just like old times. And you're left alone to wonder... if you could do it all over again, would you have chosen differently?

______________________________

You knew something was off. Despite the time and distance that have whittled down your sense of him, you still knew that something was off. Your body had picked up on so many little things—the way his eyes glossed over when he would force himself to face you, his excessively soft touches that resembled those of a volatile lover silently apologizing for his latest outburst, the lingering looks he gave you as if he was memorizing every little detail of you before you went away—it just took your brain too long to make sense of it all.

Or maybe you just didn't want to believe it. You got too greedy and wanted to live in your fantasy world just a little bit longer, and it cost you everything. 

Looking at him now, you think he’s saying something to you but every word is muffled as if you were submerged in water. He gets agitated, shouting something again and again that gets just a little clearer every time as he forces you back to the surface and you register that it’s your own name.

When you blink, your gaze finally focusing on him, he breathes a sigh of relief. “You’re scaring me.”

“I wish I had never met you.” Your sentence is slow and raspy like the ghostly murmur of someone fished out of water.

“Don’t say that.” He whimpers, "I had to do it." He says it like he means it, like he really couldn’t stop himself from betraying you, using you, ruining your life. "You said it yourself, we never would've won. It was the only way. These people depended on me."

"And what about me?" You rasp, tears stinging your eyes. "I loved you."

"And I love you." He tries to hold you but you push him away.

"They fired me.” You inform him monotonously, “They had me blacklisted to make sure I would never find a job in this field again."

Of course they did. What company will want you now that you've shown yourself not to be reliable? You slept with your rival and allowed him to steal crucial documents that could jeopardize the entire case from right under your nose. Your stupid amateur mistake could cost the company millions.

"How am I going to provide for my family now?" You moan, not really asking him.

"You could join us. It's not a big pay but—”

Your hand goes to pull at your hair in frustration, “God, do you ever shut the fuck up?”

"I'm sorry.” He holds his head down, sobbing.

"No, you don’t get to cry about ruining my life! You don’t get to feel sorry for yourself! You don’t—” You stop abruptly, unable to breathe. Cradling your head now, you lament, "Oh god, what am I gonna do now?"

"I don't know."

"No, you never know." You say bitterly. "I don’t want to ever see your face again."

His head whips up, "Don't say that..."

“Go.”

"I didn't mean for all of this to happen--"

"Go." You shriek and he flinches back. His lower lips tremble as he tries to hold his tears back to no avail. In a shaky voice, he says, "I'll give you some time to calm down but I'll be back. I'll fix this."

"God, Wonpil," You suck in a shaky breath, "for once in your life, I wish you'd leave it alone."

He jerks his head away, wiping at his tears furiously, "I'll see you later."

_____________________________

You struggle to hold back tears as you wait inside your cramped studio apartment. You don’t know how much longer you can stand to do this— lie to your parents about getting fired and blacklisted, telling them that you quit for moral differences, accepting money from the man who ruined your life just so they wouldn’t find out for a little while longer.

But you couldn’t do anything to help yourself, let alone support your family without Wonpil’s charity. The only jobs you are able to get now are in the service industry and those barely pay your rent and living expenses. You couldn’t even go back to your hometown and your family for fear that they’d figure out the truth, and you just couldn’t let that happen.

You knew your father would insist on getting back to work in order to help support the family. You barely even had him convinced that his condition doesn’t allow him to work and that he needs to rest. If he finds out you not only lost your job but also any hope for a future one in that field, he’d go back to work right away, and that could very possibly kill him.

Your siblings’ future now lies unknown. The eldest of your siblings after you is a senior now, and soon you’ll have to tell her that she isn’t going to college like you promised her she would. She has to abandon her dreams in order to get a job to help provide for the family, and as your other siblings grow older, they too would follow in her footsteps; a family that came from dirt and will die in it, that’s what Wonpil’s ideals have cost you.

After everything you’ve done, after all you’ve gone through, you’re still nothing. It’s funny that Wonpil is fighting for the poor and innocent when he’s the one who has proven to you once and for all that the rich will stay rich and the poor will stay poor and under the feet of the rich.

The case he betrayed you for was a loss in the end. After a long, tedious trial, his clients were forced to settle because they couldn’t afford to pay for a trial that kept getting prolonged, a strategy the rich and powerful employed in order not to lose doomed cases, in the end making the poor people poorer and worse off than they were before. That’s what Wonpil does. He makes people hope and believe that maybe, just maybe the world isn’t as shitty as it seems, only to shatter them completely when he can’t follow through on his beautiful promises. He breaks them because he made them hope.

Hearing the doorbell ring, you get up to answer it, moving mechanically. After you swing the door open, you stand in the way so Wonpil wouldn’t be able to barge in like he tries to sometimes.

He hands you an envelope which you take with a heavy heart. Every envelope you accept is a debt piled on you that you’ll live the rest of your life paying back.

“I’m working three jobs right now but I hope to find something with a better pay soon so I can start paying you back.”

“Oh, you don’t need to do that.” He rushes to say, but you cut him off. “Yes, I do.”

He sighs and stares at the floor, fiddling with his finger. It annoyed the hell out of you. “Is there something you want?”

His head shoots up, eyes wide at having been caught.

“I—“ He clears his throat after he chokes on the word. “I miss you.”

You hate yourself because of how his words still affect you, how you wish you could fall into his arms and let him comfort you until there are no more tears left in your eyes.

But you won’t cry. You won’t let yourself be vulnerable in front of him. Never again. 

“Goodnight, Wonpil.” You say coldly, closing the door in his face before he can say anything else.

______________________________

[littleoddwriter]

transzsasz AND transroman

You're Just Like Me (Part 2) | Roman Sionis x Victor Zsasz

Since I got requested to do T4T ZsaszMask twice with this, I thought I could just make this story a continuation of the other one (although you don't have to have read that, nor is it an immediate follow-up to it). It ran away from me, like always, though. So it's a bit less about them being trans the further down we go, lol. Thanks so much for the request! I hope you enjoy it. <3

summary; Years after Roman's had Top Surgery, he's having a strangely emotional morning, in which he has a realisation that comes with a confession.

notes; Trans!Roman Sionis; Trans!Victor Zsasz; Talks of Top and Bottom Surgery; Medical Transition; Implied Gender Dysphoria and Euphoria; Kissing; Touching; Domestic; Fluff; kind of Hurt/Comfort-y; Roman is angry and emotional; Victor to the rescue and all.

It has been years since Roman has finally gotten Top Surgery, after Zsasz had assured him to take care of him and make sure nothing bad would happen to him under his watch. Surprisingly, it had all worked out just fine (although Roman did almost stab his surgeon shortly before he was put under).

Now, many years later, his scars weren’t even visible to the naked eye anymore – and his dark chest hair certainly helped. His pectorals looked just like any other man’s. He was happy with the result and felt pretty comfortable in his own skin for the first time in his life.

As he looked at his bare torso in the mirror, ready to get dressed for the day, he admired the sight. It was always so strange to him to think back to the time before his transition. That Roman Sionis felt like a completely different person, one who had never existed in the first place – and it wasn’t completely wrong either, was it? Technically, he’s always been the man he was today. It had just taken him many more steps than others to carry his true self out for the world to see.

“Roman?” Zsasz asked, suddenly appearing in the doorway and ripping Sionis out of his thoughts.

“What?” Roman hissed, looking at his partner through the mirror.

Victor walked over to him and came to a stop right behind him, only mere millimetres separating their bodies. He could feel the heat Zsasz gave off, smelled the cigarettes and cheap cologne that always covered his natural scent.

“Just wanted to check if you’re okay. Sat there all alone at the breakfast table, waiting for you to come,” he explained, looking back at Roman through the vanity mirror, as he laid his hands on his bare shoulders.

“I’m alright. I just got lost in my thoughts there.”

“About?”

“How great my chest looks,” Roman grinned, brushing his hand over his sternum.

Zsasz smirked right back, squeezed Roman’s shoulders and then he ran his fingers over his boss’s chest appreciatively. “Agreed. It looks fantastic,” he murmured and kissed Sionis’ neck, peppering little kisses all over it and down to his shoulders.

Roman shuddered, the kisses tickling him and the rough stubble of Victor’s beard scratching his skin. It wasn’t unpleasant though, far from it actually. He lifted his right hand and put it on the back of Victor’s head, pulling him closer. Then he turned his head and captured his partner’s lips in a passionate kiss that they both smiled into.

“I wouldn’t have ever done it without you,” Roman murmured against Victor’s lips, quietly admitting what he’s been thinking for so many years.

He could vaguely remember having said it after he got out of surgery, but it was so hazy to him, thanks to the anaesthetics; and he hasn’t admitted it since. Now felt like the right time to remind Victor just how important he’s been to Roman’s continued medical transition.

“You’re welcome. It was my pleasure, boss. Especially when you’re the one who made it possible for me to transition at all,” Zsasz replied, kissing Roman again and again, quick little pecks.

“And I’d do it again,” Sionis confessed – he wouldn’t ever say it out loud, but he would do anything for Victor; especially if it made him happy.

Admittedly, Roman was in a strangely sentimental mood that morning and he desperately wanted it to stop, before he suddenly said something he’d regret. “Enough of this. I’m hungry. Let me finish dressing and then we can finally eat breakfast, ‘kay?” he exclaimed to finalise this conversation and save face.

Sure, rationally, he knew that he never had to hide himself from Victor – it was impossible anyway –, but he still desired to feel some sense of control over their shared intimacy. Even after all these years, it was almost scary to him just how much of his guard he has let down around Zsasz and continued to do it. Sometimes, it would keep him up at night and tip his mood over into one of the many extremes he displayed – usually rage in this case. He hated how close he’s let Victor get to him. Was he ever going to change it, though? Of course not! Even though he often wished he could.

Zsasz just nodded, kissed Roman again and left the room.

All by himself again, Sionis sighed deeply and pulled a white cotton shirt over his head. It fit him perfectly, snugly hugging his arms and chest especially. Ten years ago, a shirt like this wouldn’t have been possible for him to wear, no matter what; yet here he was, finally at this point in his life where he could wear whatever he desired. It made him genuinely smile.

Quickly, he put on a midnight blue blazer, checked his hair again for a moment and left his dressing room, too.

During breakfast, Roman couldn’t stop thinking about all these questions he’s always had for Victor, but rarely asked them at all – not because he was scared, but because he knew how much he hated to be asked these things himself. Of course, with how perceptive Zsasz was, he noticed Roman’s lack of talking and his frown as what it was.

“You know you can ask me whatever, Roman,” Victor piped up eventually.

“I know,” Roman shot back, but hesitated anyway. “I’m just wondering if you’re feeling comfortable in your body by now. Or if you’d want to change more – Bottom Surgery is possible nowadays after all.”

“Nah, I’m fine with the way things are. Thanks to you, I’ve already gotten so much farther than I had expected when I first realised I was trans, y’know? And over time, I started to care even less about not having a dick. ‘Cause everything else is the way it should be and it really doesn’t matter. We make it work after all. I feel good,” Zsasz answered with a slight smile on his lips, which morphed into a fully fledged grin by the end of it.

Roman nodded in understanding and took a sip from his espresso.

“Do you want to get Bottom Surgery?” Victor then asked, before Sionis had a chance to say anything.

“No, absolutely not. One surgery was enough for me. I’m certainly not going through this fucking shit again, unless I absolutely have to.”

Chuckling, Victor nodded, “Yeah, I thought so. I’m still proud of you, by the way.”

Roman pulled a face, “Shut up. Nothing to be fucking proud of there,” he said as he thought back to how pathetic he’s been for weeks after his surgery – it was awful! –, but he obviously didn’t regret it. “Thank you anyway, baby,” he added quietly.

Zsasz beamed at him in response. Roman hated how it made his heart flutter and how he suddenly felt so warm inside. It never ceased to happen whenever Victor did something particularly endearing or alluring. Sometimes, Sionis wondered if this really was what people titled as “being in love”, because if it was he really didn’t know if he didn’t rather despise people, including Victor.

Sighing heavily, Roman set down his espresso cup harshly, a loud clank sounding when it hit the saucer. “I fucking hate this,” he muttered without really wanting to.

“Hate what?” Victor asked, frowning.

“This,” Roman replied, wildly waving his hands around between the two of them, “Us. Our relationship. This mutual experience we’ve made with being transgender men. The way I feel every time you do something – anything. Just everything!” he exclaimed, his voice getting louder and more broken with every word.

Zsasz was up in the blink of an eye, his hands on Roman’s shoulders, just like before, but firmer, as his fingers dug into his muscles and massaged them. It frustrated him. Why couldn’t he just keep his mouth shut for once? He had never wanted Victor to know these things!

“I think we make a great pair, Roman. Not only do we share this experience, but we’ve supported each other throughout. It’s a good thing. And the way you feel about me? I’m glad you do. ‘Cause I feel the same and it’s nothing bad. It doesn’t make us weak or whatever. We’re just as menacing as we’ve ever been. It’s not wrong to like someone, baby. Especially not when we’re so good together,” Zsasz told Roman sternly, yet gently, reassuring him like he always did.

“I guess you’re right. It just doesn’t really feel like it’s a good thing to me. How does it not eat you alive?”

“What? That some fucks might think they’re entitled to have an opinion on us?” Sionis shrugged. “I don’t care. It doesn’t matter what others think about you and me, or just me. They’re not worth shit. And honestly, if I can just remind you of something here… Your parents fucking sucked. They never loved each other or you, so you have a wrong image of what that looks like and what it can be. My parents were the exact opposite. And when I met you and felt this instant connection to you, I knew I’d be in it for life with you. No matter what. You’re almost as important to me as my life’s purpose. Although, to be honest, you are part of my purpose, so you might as well be on the same level as that.”

Roman was stunned. He’s never truly been speechless in his life, but of course Victor fucking Zsasz was able to make him that as well.

“I don’t know what to say,” Roman choked out.

Had anyone told him that this was how his morning would have gone, he would have yelled at them and stabbed them in the neck.

“You don’t have to say anything at all, Roman,” Victor replied, kissing the top of Sionis’ head.

“’Kay,” he whispered.

Then Roman tilted his head back and Victor leaned over and kissed him on the lips. It was all so fucking domestic, sickeningly so; and this warm feeling inside was back again, only that it bothered him a little less, now. Putting his hands on Victor’s he pulled them down, so that Zsasz was basically hugging him from behind as they kissed some more.

Begrudgingly, Roman had to admit that Victor was right. They made a really good team, always have, and it all just felt so right, so much so that it left his mind reeling. In all honesty, Sionis was probably the luckiest man on earth to have found Zsasz and to be in such a fulfilling relationship with someone who fully understood him.

“I adore you, Victor,” he confessed eventually, squeezing and rubbing Zsasz’s forearms almost nervously.

He could hear the sharp intake of breath above him, “I love you, too,” he responded, an audible smile in his voice.

Alright, maybe he could actually get used to this eventually. Zsasz always made anything possible for him after all. He was definitely lucky; there was no doubt about that.

[artificialqueens]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered, Chapter 5 (Crygi, Jan x Nicky) - Joley

ao3 link

Gigi’s back arched, her eyes squeezed shut. One hand gripped her comforter while the other fisted into the other girl’s hair. “Fuck, Crystal…”

The girl suddenly stopped her steady ministrations and looked up. “Excuse me?”

“What?” Gigi opened her eyes, only to look confused and disappointed at the sudden lack of contact.

“You just called me Crystal,” she replied, only to receive a blank expression in return. “My name is Emily.” She didn’t sound as angry as perhaps she could have. In fact, there was a hint of amusement in her voice.

On the other hand, Gigi wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Her face had already been red, but it was burning hotter than ever. Even in the poorly-lit room, it was very clear that the girl between her legs didn’t even resemble Crystal, which to her, made it even worse. “I’m so sorry, I-”

“Whatever, it’s none of my business,” Emily shrugged it off. She sat there quietly for a moment before looking back up at her. “Do you want me to continue or…”

Gigi sat up and shook her head. “I’d love to, but, um, I’ll take a raincheck,” she mumbled sheepishly as she got up to search for her clothes. She just wanted to get the hell out of there, and fast.

“So, who is Crystal?” she asked, lighting up a cigarette, “must be a real beauty, huh?”

“Crystal is my best friend,” Gigi answered with a humorless laugh as she got dressed. “And… yeah, she is. I know, what a fucking cliche, right?” she sighed. “Doesn’t help that we’re pretending to be engaged,” she added, only to quickly follow up with “don’t ask.”

She chuckled, taking a long drag. “Don’t worry, I won’t,” she assured flatly. “But if you ask me, you should probably talk to her about this before it happens again with someone who’s gonna actually get pissed at you.”

Gigi rolled her eyes and pulled her bag over her shoulder. “Good thing I didn’t ask.”

——

Jan had been pacing around her room nervously for the past ten minutes. While she had considered what Heidi suggested, she wasn’t ready to just dive in and confess her feelings to Nicky. Instead, she decided to ease into it with the song she’d been so diligently practicing. When she sang she wasn’t scared. She didn’t have to think, she didn’t have to fear. And with the song not being in English, she didn’t have to worry about getting hung up on words and inflictions, she could just feel the music. And if nothing else, focusing on giving this her all would take her mind off of the wedding chaos.

‘Hey, are you ready to call?’ The text from Nicky popped up on her phone and finally got her to stand still. She took a breath, collecting herself. ‘Yeah, one sec :)’ she sent back, then looked at herself in the mirror once more before sitting in front of her laptop and calling Nicky.

“Bonne après-midi, my dear,” Nicky greeted cheerily. “Now, tell me what is so important. You used even more exclamation marks and emojis than usually. I was a bit concerned,” she teased.

Jan rolled her eyes playfully. “Oh stop, I’m just excited. I have a surprise for you, I’ve been working really hard on it,” she paused, waiting for Nicky to signal for her to continue. “I learned a French song and I wanna sing it for you.”

Nicky perked up in pleasant surprise and curiosity. “You did? But you don’t even speak French,” she furrowed her brows, “wait, do you?”

She giggled and shook her head. “No, no. But this song… I dunno, I listened to it and it made me think of you. Like, I could just feel it in my soul that it was the perfect fit,” she explained. “So, without further ado…” After clearing her throat, she started the music and began to sing. She lost herself in the music, the words she didn’t understand flowed with such ease. It wasn’t until the song ended that she was able to gauge Nicky’s reaction, and it caused her to frown a bit. “Are you okay?”

Nicky sniffled, wiping her eyes. “Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she quickly assured. She pushed her hair out of her face, blinking rapidly. “You have such a beautiful voice. It’s not even fair that you can just sing in another language so easily,” she feigned a soft laugh.

Jan took it as nothing more than high praise, which of course, she appreciated. “Aw, thank you. And before you know it, I’ll be able to sing to you in person,” she beamed.

“Yeah,” Nicky agreed, voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you, Jan, that was a nice surprise.”

“I’m glad you liked it! Listen, I hate to cut this short, but I promised Heidi and Jackie I’d meet them for lunch. I’ll call you later though, okay?”

Nicky nodded, and the call ended shortly after. She sat back in her chair, putting her hand over her pounding heart. Sure, she had been aware of the budding feelings she had towards her American penpal, but it had been so easy to not focus on. They talked a few times a day for the most part, but it was otherwise up to her to distract herself, and she could do so fairly easily. But something about Jan singing that song, it brought everything she had felt forward, and it hit her like a ton of bricks.

Oh.

“Mon dieu,” she muttered under her breath and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was better or worse to become aware of how strong her feelings were knowing she was going to see Jan in person in less than a month. On one hand, she worried she would be going in hoping for too much and would end up disappointed. On the other, she couldn’t help but think that maybe it was a sign. And you can’t just ignore a sign, right?

She squeezed her eyes shut and reopened them, hoping it would somehow give her a moment of clarity. Or better yet, she would suddenly be in New York and she would see Jan and everything would be all right. But nothing came of it, and she was left to sort out her feelings on her own.

Nicky groaned and lurched forward, then rested her head on the desk. “Vingt jours de plus…”

——

“Don’t you think doing an engagement photoshoot in Central Park is a little… cliché?” Gigi asked as she watched Crystal help Lemon fiddle with the lights.

Crystal shrugged. “It’s supposed to be cliché. It’ll make it more believable. Besides, it’ll be fun.”

“Then why are you all pouty?”

“Your dress is a lot bigger than mine and I feel outshined at my own wedding,” she replied, watching the way Gigi’s dress flowed with every move. It was truly a testament to Gigi’s designing abilities – with her dainty features and defined silhouette, she looked like a Disney princess. The more Crystal looked at her, the more she was convinced Gigi had stepped out of a cartoon and simply never told her.

Gigi giggled, covering her mouth as she did. “You’re not gonna be outshined,” she assured. “Look at your hair, whose eyes wouldn’t go right to that?” And to be fair, Crystal’s normal mess of curls was styled with a braid going across the crown of her head, and the rest was done into a teased-out ponytail. Normally, the two of them were the same height, but with the hairdo, it appeared that Crystal had a couple of inches on her.

Crystal tilted her head in thought. “Okay, you got me there,” she conceded.

“You guys ready?” Lemon asked when she had everything set up to her liking. “We have like, an hour and a half, two hours in this lighting, let’s make the most of it.”

Crystal and Gigi nodded, letting the shorter girl position them as she best saw fit. “Okay, look in love,” Lemon directed before she began snapping away.

As it turned out, Lemon didn’t need to give them a whole lot of further instruction. The fondness in their expressions, the tenderness in their touches, it flowed with a natural ease. Some passerbys would stop and look for a moment, some even snapping a picture of their own with their phone, but the faux-couple never lost focus. It was only one instruction that caught them off guard.

“Now kiss.”

The two of them froze, both understanding it was a perfectly logical request, but neither sure of how to approach it. What followed was a moment of awkward silence, then hesitant leaning in, and finally, their lips met in a gentle kiss.

“Good, now hold it,” Lemon continued, unphased by their odd behavior. She snapped a few more photos before looking up from her camera. “Alright, ladies. I think we got it,” she announced.

Crystal and Gigi lingered in the kiss for another moment before pulling back, leaving a new tension mounting between them. Neither of them could look the other in the eye, both knowing if they did, they’d start kissing again without the ability to stop.

But Lemon didn’t feel particularly inclined to facilitate whatever the hell was going on between them. “Anyway, I’ll email you guys the pics once they’re done. I’m gonna go now, some of us have actual girlfriends to spend time with,” she said, packing up her things. “Good luck with… this,” she said, gesturing between the two of them before leaving.

“So,” Crystal cleared her throat, “I think that went well.”

Gigi had opened her mouth to reply when – perhaps mercifully – they were interrupted when a woman came up to them.

The woman seemed friendly, maybe a bit tired. She was well-dressed, likely in her early thirties. “Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you,” she started, “but my daughter here wanted to meet the ‘princesses’,” she explained with a soft laugh.

Crystal and Gigi’s gazes drifted downward to the little girl, no more than four years old, shyly holding onto her mother’s leg. Their expressions softened and just like that, all of the tension melted away. They carefully crouched down to be eye-level with the child as her mother nudged her over. “Do you want your mommy to take a picture?” Crystal suggested to the girl.

The girl nodded eagerly, turning to look at her mom, who was already fishing through her purse for her phone. “Okay, Ayla,” her mom directed, “smile big!”

All three girls smiled brightly and Crystal and Gigi slowly got up as Ayla ran back to her mom. “Could you send that to me, actually?” Crystal asked, then gave the woman her number when she obliged.

When the two of them were alone again, there was a brief moment of worry that the tension would build back up, but the whole incident was still providing a successful distraction. “Oh my god, this is so cute,” Crystal cooed.

Gigi rested her chin on Crystal’s shoulder to look. “Aw, yeah, that’s adorable,” she agreed, her arms absentmindedly looping around Crystal’s waist. “I didn’t know you were so good with kids,” she added.

Crystal shrugged, having never really thought about it before. “I guess so, I was always around my cousins growing up and being one of the older girls puts you on default babysitting duty,” she explained, becoming aware of Gigi’s hold on her as she spoke and realizing there was nowhere else she’d rather be, even if it came with the stipulation of standing in the middle of Central Park in a wedding dress.

“We should get changed,” Gigi said, though she didn’t make any immediate attempts to move from Crystal. But eventually she did let go and stand upright. “I’ll order an uber.”

——

Back in Crystal’s bedroom, she and Gigi had long since changed out of their dresses, taken off their makeup, and let their hair flow loose and free. They lay sprawled out on Crystal’s bed, barely watching whatever was on TV. This was their normal, when they were able to turn off their brains and just enjoy each other’s company.

At least, until Gigi broke the silence, clearing her throat first. “I think we need to work on acting like a couple.”

Crystal furrowed her brows and sat up. “What do you mean? I thought we’ve been pulling it off pretty well so far.”

“Come on, you have to admit that kiss was pretty awkward,” she retorted.

“Okay, yeah, that’s fair,” she conceded. “So what, you think we should practice kissing? I haven’t used that line on a girl since tenth grade,” she teased.

Gigi turned a bright red at that, though she insisted, “it’s not a line!” in a voice that was a little too strained to be convincing. “But the time until Nicky’s visit is dwindling, and this all hinges on how convincing we are as a couple. So, you know, no pressure, but…”

“But Jan’s fate lies in our ability to tongue wrestle. Got it,” Crystal finished with a firm nod. This was what she did best – make a dumb joke to deflect from the fact that she was dying to kiss her and get it right this time. “C’mon baby, kiss me like you mean it,” she said in a comically ‘sexy’ manner.

And Gigi did, taking it as a chance at redemption. She cupped Crystal’s face and pressed a deep kiss against her lips and suddenly, all bets were off. As soon as she felt Crystal kiss back, she poured everything into the embrace.

Crystal was fairly certain Gigi had stolen her breath in the kiss, as she found herself forgetting how to do anything but kiss back like her life depended on it. She grabbed onto Gigi’s shirt, eagerly pulling her closer until she fell back on the bed with Gigi on top of her, their legs intertwining.

Gigi couldn’t have held back if she tried. She yanked Crystal’s hair to expose her neck, then bit down and left a hickey in the dead center of one side. It just made it more convincing if she left proof that they were in a committed, intimate relationship, of course. In fact, she left one on the other side for good measure. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” she muttered, sitting back and straddling Crystal’s waist and gazing down at her.

Crystal was fairly certain her heart had never beaten so fast in her life. Being with Gigi was nothing like her hookup with Jan. Things were fun and slow and light with Jan, compared to how hard, fast, and passionate Gigi was. She supposed that was where the difference between a friend and lover lies – Jan was warm and comfortable, but Gigi lit a fire in her, they weren’t even undressed and she was already aching for her to fan the flames. “Please don’t stop.”

The quiet plea was music to Gigi’s ears and nothing in the world could’ve stopped her from obliging. She tugged off her own t-shirt, now significantly less dressed than Crystal, having forgone a bra. But she made quick work of remedying that, stripping Crystal from the waist-up and placing a trail of kisses from right above her navel, all the way back up to her collarbone. “Couldn’t if I tried,” she cooed.

“Mm…” Crystal exhaled softly, reacting to every touch with a silent cry for more. She loved the way Gigi’s lips felt against her – on her neck, on her breasts, the way her tongue swirled around her nipples and flicked against the metal of her piercing. “Fuck…”

Gigi moved back down Crystal’s body, tugging off her shorts and panties in one swift motion, then made herself comfortable between Crystal’s thighs. She had only just started when Crystal stopped her.

“Wait, wait, I wanna get you too.”

It took Gigi a moment to understand what Crystal meant. “Oh! Okay, yeah,” she got up and repositioned herself on top, her head between Crystal’s thighs and her legs resting on either side of her head, letting Crystal shift underneath her until she was straddling her face. They both started off slow, but neither could keep the teasing pace up for long, picking up in speed and fervor.

Gigi balanced herself with one hand, using both her tongue and the fingers of her opposite hand to fuck Crystal with a pace that bordered on erratic. Her mind was both frantic and clouded with lust and emotions she was in no position to decipher. She was only loosely aware that Crystal was struggling to keep up with her, and she didn’t care. It was her so it felt good.

And Crystal actually liked the challenge of trying to keep up with Gigi. Her senses were in overdrive with how incredible she made her feel, and it spurred her on all the more. It did become more difficult as she neared her peak – her vision started to get hazy, her breathing more labored, and she couldn’t focus on anything else when she came with a loud groan. She took a moment to catch her breath, then readily and eagerly got Gigi off as well.

When they were both done, Gigi pushed herself off of Crystal and lay beside her. She wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close with her arms securely around her waist. “I think we can pull off being a couple now,” she mumbled, face buried in Crystal’s hair.

“Yeah,” Crystal breathed out with a hint of a laugh, “we’re such good actresses.” And she was just glad Gigi wasn’t able to see the grin on her face, because now she couldn’t even convince herself that she wasn’t in love with Gigi.

[missjanjie]

Signed, Sealed, Delivered | (5/?)

Title: Signed, Sealed, Delivered Summary:   Jan is in love with her French pen pal, Nicky. Her roommate, Crystal, is in love with her best friend, Gigi. A (perhaps ill-thought out) plan emerges: give Nicky a reason to visit by inviting her to Crystal and Gigi’s wedding. With a month to pull the scheme together, no one knows how this will end up. Word Count: ~3k (this chapter) / ~14.5k (total) Relationship(s): Sportsdoll (Jan Sport/Nicky Doll), Crygi (Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode Rating: E

Read on AO3 | Ko-Fi

Gigi’s back arched, her eyes squeezed shut. One hand gripped her comforter while the other fisted into the other girl’s hair. “Fuck, Crystal…”

The girl suddenly stopped her steady ministrations and looked up. “Excuse me?”

“What?” Gigi opened her eyes, only to look confused and disappointed at the sudden lack of contact.

“You just called me Crystal,” she replied, only to receive a blank expression in return. “My name is Emily.” She didn’t sound as angry as perhaps she could have. In fact, there was a hint of amusement in her voice.

On the other hand, Gigi wanted to crawl into a hole and die. Her face had already been red, but it was burning hotter than ever. Even in the poorly-lit room, it was very clear that the girl between her legs didn’t even resemble Crystal, which to her, made it even worse. “I’m so sorry, I-”

“Whatever, it’s none of my business,” Emily shrugged it off. She sat there quietly for a moment before looking back up at her. “Do you want me to continue or…”

Gigi sat up and shook her head. “I’d love to, but, um, I’ll take a raincheck,” she mumbled sheepishly as she got up to search for her clothes. She just wanted to get the hell out of there, and fast.

“So, who is Crystal?” she asked, lighting up a cigarette, “must be a real beauty, huh?”

“Crystal is my best friend,” Gigi answered with a humorless laugh as she got dressed. “And… yeah, she is. I know, what a fucking cliche, right?” she sighed. “Doesn’t help that we’re pretending to be engaged,” she added, only to quickly follow up with “don’t ask.”

She chuckled, taking a long drag. “Don’t worry, I won’t,” she assured flatly. “But if you ask me, you should probably talk to her about this before it happens again with someone who’s gonna actually get pissed at you.”

Gigi rolled her eyes and pulled her bag over her shoulder. “Good thing I didn’t ask.”

------

Jan had been pacing around her room nervously for the past ten minutes. While she had considered what Heidi suggested, she wasn’t ready to just dive in and confess her feelings to Nicky. Instead, she decided to ease into it with the song she’d been so diligently practicing. When she sang she wasn’t scared. She didn’t have to think, she didn’t have to fear. And with the song not being in English, she didn’t have to worry about getting hung up on words and inflictions, she could just feel the music. And if nothing else, focusing on giving this her all would take her mind off of the wedding chaos.

‘Hey, are you ready to call?’ The text from Nicky popped up on her phone and finally got her to stand still. She took a breath, collecting herself. ‘Yeah, one sec :)’ she sent back, then looked at herself in the mirror once more before sitting in front of her laptop and calling Nicky.

“Bonne après-midi, my dear,” Nicky greeted cheerily. “Now, tell me what is so important. You used even more exclamation marks and emojis than usually. I was a bit concerned,” she teased.

Jan rolled her eyes playfully. “Oh stop, I’m just excited. I have a surprise for you, I’ve been working really hard on it,” she paused, waiting for Nicky to signal for her to continue. “I learned a French song and I wanna sing it for you.”

Nicky perked up in pleasant surprise and curiosity. “You did? But you don’t even speak French,” she furrowed her brows, “wait, do you?”

She giggled and shook her head. “No, no. But this song… I dunno, I listened to it and it made me think of you. Like, I could just feel it in my soul that it was the perfect fit,” she explained. “So, without further ado…” After clearing her throat, she started the music and began to sing. She lost herself in the music, the words she didn’t understand flowed with such ease. It wasn’t until the song ended that she was able to gauge Nicky’s reaction, and it caused her to frown a bit. “Are you okay?”

Nicky sniffled, wiping her eyes. “Yes, yes, I’m fine,” she quickly assured. She pushed her hair out of her face, blinking rapidly. “You have such a beautiful voice. It’s not even fair that you can just sing in another language so easily,” she feigned a soft laugh.

Jan took it as nothing more than high praise, which of course, she appreciated. “Aw, thank you. And before you know it, I’ll be able to sing to you in person,” she beamed.

“Yeah,” Nicky agreed, voice barely above a whisper. “Thank you, Jan, that was a nice surprise.”

“I’m glad you liked it! Listen, I hate to cut this short, but I promised Heidi and Jackie I’d meet them for lunch. I’ll call you later though, okay?”

Nicky nodded, and the call ended shortly after. She sat back in her chair, putting her hand over her pounding heart. Sure, she had been aware of the budding feelings she had towards her American penpal, but it had been so easy to not focus on. They talked a few times a day for the most part, but it was otherwise up to her to distract herself, and she could do so fairly easily. But something about Jan singing that song, it brought everything she had felt forward, and it hit her like a ton of bricks.

Oh.

“Mon dieu,” she muttered under her breath and stared up at the ceiling. She couldn’t help but wonder if it was better or worse to become aware of how strong her feelings were knowing she was going to see Jan in person in less than a month. On one hand, she worried she would be going in hoping for too much and would end up disappointed. On the other, she couldn’t help but think that maybe it was a sign. And you can’t just ignore a sign, right?

She squeezed her eyes shut and reopened them, hoping it would somehow give her a moment of clarity. Or better yet, she would suddenly be in New York and she would see Jan and everything would be all right. But nothing came of it, and she was left to sort out her feelings on her own.

Nicky groaned and lurched forward, then rested her head on the desk. “Vingt jours de plus…”

------

“Don’t you think doing an engagement photoshoot in Central Park is a little… cliché?” Gigi asked as she watched Crystal help Lemon fiddle with the lights.

Crystal shrugged. “It’s supposed to be cliché. It’ll make it more believable. Besides, it’ll be fun.”

“Then why are you all pouty?”

“Your dress is a lot bigger than mine and I feel outshined at my own wedding,” she replied, watching the way Gigi’s dress flowed with every move. It was truly a testament to Gigi’s designing abilities – with her dainty features and defined silhouette, she looked like a Disney princess. The more Crystal looked at her, the more she was convinced Gigi had stepped out of a cartoon and simply never told her.

Gigi giggled, covering her mouth as she did. “You’re not gonna be outshined,” she assured. “Look at your hair, whose eyes wouldn’t go right to that?” And to be fair, Crystal’s normal mess of curls was styled with a braid going across the crown of her head, and the rest was done into a teased-out ponytail. Normally, the two of them were the same height, but with the hairdo, it appeared that Crystal had a couple of inches on her.

Crystal tilted her head in thought. “Okay, you got me there,” she conceded.

“You guys ready?” Lemon asked when she had everything set up to her liking. “We have like, an hour and a half, two hours in this lighting, let’s make the most of it.”

Crystal and Gigi nodded, letting the shorter girl position them as she best saw fit. “Okay, look in love,” Lemon directed before she began snapping away.

As it turned out, Lemon didn’t need to give them a whole lot of further instruction. The fondness in their expressions, the tenderness in their touches, it flowed with a natural ease. Some passerbys would stop and look for a moment, some even snapping a picture of their own with their phone, but the faux-couple never lost focus. It was only one instruction that caught them off guard.

“Now kiss.”

The two of them froze, both understanding it was a perfectly logical request, but neither sure of how to approach it. What followed was a moment of awkward silence, then hesitant leaning in, and finally, their lips met in a gentle kiss.

“Good, now hold it,” Lemon continued, unphased by their odd behavior. She snapped a few more photos before looking up from her camera. “Alright, ladies. I think we got it,” she announced.

Crystal and Gigi lingered in the kiss for another moment before pulling back, leaving a new tension mounting between them. Neither of them could look the other in the eye, both knowing if they did, they’d start kissing again without the ability to stop.

But Lemon didn’t feel particularly inclined to facilitate whatever the hell was going on between them. “Anyway, I’ll email you guys the pics once they’re done. I’m gonna go now, some of us have actual girlfriends to spend time with,” she said, packing up her things. “Good luck with… this,” she said, gesturing between the two of them before leaving.

“So,” Crystal cleared her throat, “I think that went well.”

Gigi had opened her mouth to reply when – perhaps mercifully – they were interrupted when a woman came up to them.

The woman seemed friendly, maybe a bit tired. She was well-dressed, likely in her early thirties. “Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you,” she started, “but my daughter here wanted to meet the ‘princesses’,” she explained with a soft laugh.

Crystal and Gigi’s gazes drifted downward to the little girl, no more than four years old, shyly holding onto her mother’s leg. Their expressions softened and just like that, all of the tension melted away. They carefully crouched down to be eye-level with the child as her mother nudged her over. “Do you want your mommy to take a picture?” Crystal suggested to the girl.

The girl nodded eagerly, turning to look at her mom, who was already fishing through her purse for her phone. “Okay, Ayla,” her mom directed, “smile big!”

All three girls smiled brightly and Crystal and Gigi slowly got up as Ayla ran back to her mom. “Could you send that to me, actually?” Crystal asked, then gave the woman her number when she obliged.

When the two of them were alone again, there was a brief moment of worry that the tension would build back up, but the whole incident was still providing a successful distraction. “Oh my god, this is so cute,” Crystal cooed.

Gigi rested her chin on Crystal’s shoulder to look. “Aw, yeah, that’s adorable,” she agreed, her arms absentmindedly looping around Crystal’s waist. “I didn’t know you were so good with kids,” she added.

Crystal shrugged, having never really thought about it before. “I guess so, I was always around my cousins growing up and being one of the older girls puts you on default babysitting duty,” she explained, becoming aware of Gigi’s hold on her as she spoke and realizing there was nowhere else she’d rather be, even if it came with the stipulation of standing in the middle of Central Park in a wedding dress.

“We should get changed,” Gigi said, though she didn’t make any immediate attempts to move from Crystal. But eventually she did let go and stand upright. “I’ll order an uber.”

------

Back in Crystal’s bedroom, she and Gigi had long since changed out of their dresses, taken off their makeup, and let their hair flow loose and free. They lay sprawled out on Crystal’s bed, barely watching whatever was on TV. This was their normal, when they were able to turn off their brains and just enjoy each other’s company.

At least, until Gigi broke the silence, clearing her throat first. “I think we need to work on acting like a couple.”

Crystal furrowed her brows and sat up. “What do you mean? I thought we’ve been pulling it off pretty well so far.”

“Come on, you have to admit that kiss was pretty awkward,” she retorted.

“Okay, yeah, that’s fair,” she conceded. “So what, you think we should practice kissing? I haven’t used that line on a girl since tenth grade,” she teased.

Gigi turned a bright red at that, though she insisted, “it’s not a line!” in a voice that was a little too strained to be convincing. “But the time until Nicky’s visit is dwindling, and this all hinges on how convincing we are as a couple. So, you know, no pressure, but…”

“But Jan’s fate lies in our ability to tongue wrestle. Got it,” Crystal finished with a firm nod. This was what she did best – make a dumb joke to deflect from the fact that she was dying to kiss her and get it right this time. “C’mon baby, kiss me like you mean it,” she said in a comically ‘sexy’ manner.

And Gigi did, taking it as a chance at redemption. She cupped Crystal’s face and pressed a deep kiss against her lips and suddenly, all bets were off. As soon as she felt Crystal kiss back, she poured everything into the embrace.

Crystal was fairly certain Gigi had stolen her breath in the kiss, as she found herself forgetting how to do anything but kiss back like her life depended on it. She grabbed onto Gigi’s shirt, eagerly pulling her closer until she fell back on the bed with Gigi on top of her, their legs intertwining.

Gigi couldn’t have held back if she tried. She yanked Crystal’s hair to expose her neck, then bit down and left a hickey in the dead center of one side. It just made it more convincing if she left proof that they were in a committed, intimate relationship, of course. In fact, she left one on the other side for good measure. “God, you’re so fucking beautiful,” she muttered, sitting back and straddling Crystal’s waist and gazing down at her.

Crystal was fairly certain her heart had never beaten so fast in her life. Being with Gigi was nothing like her hookup with Jan. Things were fun and slow and light with Jan, compared to how hard, fast, and passionate Gigi was. She supposed that was where the difference between a friend and lover lies – Jan was warm and comfortable, but Gigi lit a fire in her, they weren’t even undressed and she was already aching for her to fan the flames. “Please don’t stop.”

The quiet plea was music to Gigi’s ears and nothing in the world could’ve stopped her from obliging. She tugged off her own t-shirt, now significantly less dressed than Crystal, having forgone a bra. But she made quick work of remedying that, stripping Crystal from the waist-up and placing a trail of kisses from right above her navel, all the way back up to her collarbone. “Couldn’t if I tried,” she cooed.

“Mm…” Crystal exhaled softly, reacting to every touch with a silent cry for more. She loved the way Gigi’s lips felt against her – on her neck, on her breasts, the way her tongue swirled around her nipples and flicked against the metal of her piercing. “Fuck…”

Gigi moved back down Crystal’s body, tugging off her shorts and panties in one swift motion, then made herself comfortable between Crystal’s thighs. She had only just started when Crystal stopped her.

“Wait, wait, I wanna get you too.”

It took Gigi a moment to understand what Crystal meant. “Oh! Okay, yeah,” she got up and repositioned herself on top, her head between Crystal’s thighs and her legs resting on either side of her head, letting Crystal shift underneath her until she was straddling her face. They both started off slow, but neither could keep the teasing pace up for long, picking up in speed and fervor.

Gigi balanced herself with one hand, using both her tongue and the fingers of her opposite hand to fuck Crystal with a pace that bordered on erratic. Her mind was both frantic and clouded with lust and emotions she was in no position to decipher. She was only loosely aware that Crystal was struggling to keep up with her, and she didn’t care. It was her so it felt good.

And Crystal actually liked the challenge of trying to keep up with Gigi. Her senses were in overdrive with how incredible she made her feel, and it spurred her on all the more. It did become more difficult as she neared her peak – her vision started to get hazy, her breathing more labored, and she couldn’t focus on anything else when she came with a loud groan. She took a moment to catch her breath, then readily and eagerly got Gigi off as well.

When they were both done, Gigi pushed herself off of Crystal and lay beside her. She wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close with her arms securely around her waist. “I think we can pull off being a couple now,” she mumbled, face buried in Crystal’s hair.

“Yeah,” Crystal breathed out with a hint of a laugh, “we’re such good actresses.” And she was just glad Gigi wasn’t able to see the grin on her face, because now she couldn’t even convince herself that she wasn’t in love with Gigi.

[canoncannon]

So, I have a prompt that won’t get out of my head. Jesus makes it a habit to visit Hobo Daryl whenever he is out on runs and stuff and they get to know each other, and eventually fall in love. It takes a long time. D is initially annoyed at the intrusion to his solitude, but Jesus cracks through his shell. They open up to each other and J eventually makes a move. Awkwardness insues. D is virginal and things don’t go smoothly. You are the goddess of awkward Desus, and you would rock this. 😘

This was prompted so, so long ago, and I kind of paused doing prompts to try to update my WIPs… it’s actually a continuation from my last ficlet (https://archiveofourown.org/works/10833258/chapters/40192958), but can also be read on its own I think.

@radiofreeamy thank you so much for the prompt, and I’m sorry it took me so long :)

“You ain’t gotta take the couch,” Daryl says, shifting his weight. He and his dog look both filthy and uncomfortably aware of it.

“You and Dog won’t fit on the couch,” Paul replies.

“She can sleep on the floor. Don’t want to inconvenience you.”

“Daryl. It gets cold at night, even in here. Take the damn bed.”

Daryl leans down to pet the mutt. “You and your Jesus shtick. Always running people’s errands, giving people your food, letting people sleep in your bed.”

“By ‘running errands’ I think you mean ‘conducting trade negotiations.’ And my usual way of getting people into my bed is far from Christlike, I assure you.”

It’s something he’d have said without second thought in the woods. In his room, though, it feels too intimate. Too real.

“Pft. Explain all them women you’ve slept on the couch for, then.” Daryl’s not looking at him, still petting Dog.

“You want a shower? There’s warm water,” Paul says, because sure, asking Daryl to get naked will help ease the awkward tension in the room. He doesn’t so much as glance at Daryl as he adds another blanket to the couch, mentally berating himself.

—

In the woods, everything had been easy. Paul liked stopping in for a night or two to check on Daryl and flirt a little—occasionally even going so far as to think about taking things further than that, if only Daryl would give him a sign he was into it—before returning home and fucking Alex into the mattress.

Alex is with Wes now, and Daryl is ten feet away in Paul’s bed.

Having a stupid little crush on someone he only saw a couple dozen times a year had made it easy to dismiss the way he felt as unimportant—as, well, a stupid little crush. Having Daryl in the trailer is a different thing entirely.

They play checkers a lot. They eat breakfast that Daryl cooks while Paul struggles to drag himself awake, because coffee is now officially a thing of the past.

Which gets Paul thinking: in the past, if he was attracted to a guy, nine times out of ten he’d simply ask to kiss him. And it had usually worked out for him, at least for the night. With Daryl, that seems unimaginable. He’s never made friends easily, even before roamers started eating his available options. Losing Daryl, even if he gets to fuck him first—maybe especially if he gets to fuck him first—is unacceptable.

But there’s a look on Daryl’s face, sometimes, that makes him wish that he was be brave enough to risk it.

—

Paul falls asleep reading on the bed one night; there’s no light by the couch. Daryl doesn’t wake him up to move, and he wakes up to find Dog laying across both of their legs, head on Daryl’s foot and sharp nails against Paul’s shins.

Two nights later, he falls asleep there again, and pretends in the morning that it was an accident.

When he gets back to the trailer that evening, Daryl’s moves his pillow and blankets onto the bed. He blushes when Paul comes in, and Paul’s heart does something weird. Some might call it ‘skipping a beat’—Paul calls it a fucking betrayal.

—

“She wasn’t kidding. We started it two years ago.” Paul is laying on the bed that he tells himself they share for warmth. Dog is laying in the exact middle of the bed; she generally sleeps between them, as if guarding her master’s virtue. He glares at her, then scratches her ear.

“Does she even know for sure that it’s New Years Eve?” Daryl settles into the bed in his pajama bottoms and long-sleeved top. They’re all freezing their balls off this winter.

“I guess Gregory kept a calendar, and she took it over. It’s close enough, anyway.” Paul reaches for the light, then settles back into the bed. “We don’t have to go. We’ll sign up for watch.”

“I already told her I’d go. She just sprung it on me.”

“Sucks to be you, then,” Paul teases, and they fall silent for the night.

—

Paul had underestimated Maggie’s determination, though. Before he gets a chance to switch watch shifts with someone, giving them the loud, chaotic heat of a jam-packed Barrington library in exchange for a flashlight and Voltaire in the frosty silence, Alden oh-so-casually mentioned how important the party is to her, and how much she wants him there.

As if that wasn’t enough, the next day Maggie hunts him down while he’s doing laundry for the sole purpose of telling him that Daryl doesn’t know that many people at Hilltop yet, and will be more comfortable with Jesus around to distract him.

Paul knows when he’s being manipulated; he also knows when he’s been beaten. He gives in with fairly good grace.

—

The night of the party, he and Daryl sequester into a corner to be uncomfortable and drunk together.

Alex is across from them in the opposite corner, hanging all over Wes, suddenly comfortable with PDA in a way he’d never been with Paul. Granted, they’d never been an official item, but he’d made such a point of keeping his distance—and now he’s sitting on a couch practically in his new boyfriend’s lap, occasionally nuzzling his neck. 

The worst part is that Alex isn’t even doing it to annoy him—he’s completely oblivious.

Daryl looks miserable, too, but then he always does when he’s surrounded by people.

Finally, midnight strikes.

—

Daryl definitely hadn’t planned it. In fact, he doesn’t know what he’s doing until he’s in the middle of doing it: holding out his arms with a tiny shrug, offering Jesus a midnight kiss.

It’s just something about Paul’s hurt expression after he locked eyes with Alex—

Something about the superior little glance that smug asshole gives them as he practically gnaws Wes’s face off—

Something about Paul’s flushed cheeks and abrupt change in posture—

Daryl just reacts, offering, and to his surprise, Paul takes him up on it.

Daryl steps back less than a second later, realizing he’s made a mistake; seeing Paul kiss a grimy redneck isn’t likely to make Alex feel any less superior.

—

Paul leaves right afterwards, just turns and practically runs out of the room, so apparently it had been a mistake on multiple levels.

Shit, fuck, goddamn it. Woozy with liquor, Daryl stands and follows him out, down the stairs and into the freezing cold.

Small boot prints lead him to the barn.

“I’m sorry, alright?” Daryl calls out as he enters, because he knows Paul will have heard him coming even over the wind. “Don’t know what I was thinking, just… your ex is a douchebag, and… I dunno. M’sorry.”

“Are you… apologizing for the fact that I kissed you?” Paul appears before him in the dim light, looking cold. Neither of them had grabbed their coats before leaving the party.

Daryl scowls, and Paul’s eyes.

He takes a slow step forward, then a faster one, and then he’s kissing the hell out of Daryl. Then he takes his hand and pulls him out of the barn, across the courtyard through the snow.

Daryl honest to God doesn’t know where they’re going at first, and thinks vaguely that he doesn’t want to go back to the party.

When they reach the trailer they both pause out of habit to pull off boots and socks. Daryl finds himself staring stupidly at a perfectly ordinary set of small white feet that he’s probably seen a dozen or two times before, but never actually noticed.

“I could bring you off with them, if you’re into feet,” Paul says, and Daryl realizes, for the first time, that Paul definitely intends to have sex with him.

—

Paul wants this. He wants it now, and tomorrow night, and next week, and he’s more than willing to go outside of his usual sexual wheelhouse to ensure Daryl has a good time.

“What?! No! Nah, ain’t into that.”

“Sure? You were staring an awful lot just now.”

“Ain’t the feet, it’s just, uh.” Daryl’s face and posture telegraph his discomfort, but Paul doesn’t interrupt to save him from his own awkwardness. He wants to know the end of that sentence. Eventually Daryl finishes sweetly with, “It’s just you.”

It stops Paul in his tracks, trying and failing to hide a beaming smile. “Ok. Just… I’m open to suggestion, is all. If there’s something specific you want, here.” 

A brief shadow slides over Daryl’s face. “But… what do you want?”

Utterly charmed, Paul steps closer and swoops in for another kiss. Daryl flinches at the quick motion and Paul redirects to his cheek—the last thing he wants is to scare him.

Fortunately Daryl recovers quickly. And he doesn’t just recover, he goes a bit wild, mouth careening around their kiss. Paul’s eyes widen a bit and he pulls Daryl closer, letting the other man plunder his mouth messily.

The enthusiasm makes Daryl’s lack of experience extremely obvious.

Paul pulls away gently. “Hey, slow down a little. We’ve got all night, right?”

Daryl nods and pulls in a huge lungful of air. “M’sorry.”

“What for?”

“I ain’t good at this.”

“You’re doing fantastic so far.”

“Pfft. Ain’t gotta lie.”

“I wouldn’t, I’m not.“ Paul would and is, a little, but he’s not about to complain. He pulls them to the bed—pausing to get Dog settled on the couch, where she glares at them reproachfully—then lays down and waits for Daryl to join him. Smiling reassuringly, because Daryl looks about ready to hyperventilate at their new position, he says, “Is this alright?”

Nodding, Daryl turns towards him. “I didn’t think you wanted this, with me,” he says quietly. He’s not touching Paul, or reaching for him.

“I didn’t think you did.” Paul has been waiting too impatiently for too long to deny himself now. He grabs Daryl’s waist and pulls.

—

The bottom line is, Daryl can’t keep up.

Paul has him out of his clothes before it occurs to him to reciprocate. Then Paul’s touching him, and that’s distracting, and by the time Daryl realizes he needs to move his goddamn hands and do something, anything, with them, Paul is back to kissing him instead.

He wants Paul’s clothes off, he thinks, trying to kiss back. Unless Paul doesn’t want that—but he would, right? It’s the usual thing.

Not that Daryl would fucking know.

He slides a hand up Paul’s thigh to his zip. Paul leans back, straddling Daryl on his knees, and it’s so fucking hot that Daryl loses the use of his thumbs.

After a minute, Paul has mercy on him and undoes his pants.

“Your shirt,” Daryl says, willing to sound stupid if it gets the job done, and Paul smiles down at him in the dim light and pulls his shirt over his head. It’s cold, and his nipples are hard. Daryl’s mind is suddenly launched into an unwelcome tangent: Merle bragging about turning up the air conditioning in a car to get some chick’s nipples hard enough to see through her shirt.

He pulls the other man back down to kiss him, and Paul moans over it, biting Daryl’s lip, and fuck fuck fuck how is this actually happening to him now, at forty-something, after a lifetime of not knowing how to even start talking a guy into having sex with him?

Sitting up again, Paul shoves his pants lower, still straddling Daryl, and pulls his dick out, which Daryl isn’t supposed to want to suck. His mouth waters as Paul starts stroking himself, grinding slightly down on Daryl’s dick.

It’s too fucking much.

“I think I might- might come if you-”

Paul stops, eyebrows raising, but it’s too late, and Daryl shoots off against the ass of his jeans.

—

Watching Daryl squirm underneath him, chest rising from the mattress and teeth clenching, just makes Paul jack off even harder. Then Daryl slumps, spent and embarrassed, and shit, Paul really should stop and make sure he’s alright.

He compromises and asks while still jacking off, “You ok?”

Looking determined, Daryl bats his hand away from his dick and takes over. His mouth hangs open, and Paul stares.

Do not ask. Don’t even think about it.

Instead he lets Daryl continue his slow, gentle handjob, touching Paul like he’s worried about hurting him. Paul’s getting off on the idea of it all, more than the actual sensation: Daryl Dixon came in his pants just from the sight of his dick. Daryl wants his dick, is staring at it like he wants to suck it, would probably scramble to his knees for it if Paul just- just asked- “Do you want to use your mouth?”

You are a bad person.

Daryl does scramble, though, and is in position before Paul finishes pulling off his come-soaked pants.

—

It takes long enough to make Daryl’s jaw ache, and to make him wonder if he’s completely fucking this up. Then Paul starts trying to pull away, like maybe Daryl’s so terrible at it that he’d rather jerk off, but Daryl stubbornly stays put and redoubles his effort, sucking harder, going deeper—which is how he ends up with come going down the wrong pipe.

He pulls back, gagging and coughing as Paul comes helplessly on his face.

They both stop at about the same time. There’s come on Daryl’s eyebrow that feels like it’s threatening to drip down and blind him, but he’s not sure about the etiquette here. Paul’s shirt is closest, his own is on the floor a few feet away.

“Shit, sorry,” Paul says, and begins wiping his face clean. “I tried to- that was-”

“A disaster from start to finish?”

Paul pauses in wiping Daryl’s forehead for a second. “Maybe. But we’ll do better next time, right?”

They stare at each other in the darkness. “Yeah,” Daryl says, and he can’t keep the happiness or the surprise out of his voice. “Alright. Next time.”

“Happy New Year, then.” Paul smiles at him, a genuine grin, and Daryl grins back.

[ua-monoma]

.01.12

press conference live reaction

monoma neito.

@ua-todoroki

Are you watching it

Todoroki

Isn't everyone in Japan.

monoma neito.

Shut up

What do you think About what he just said

Todoroki

... Ugh. I don't even know. "Children are fragile." Sure is something for him to say.

monoma neito.

God Hahahahaa I'm gonna fucking throw up oh my god Man though... that's so wild... I wonder 🤔 Did he figure out children were fragile before or after he started trying to beat lessons into them

Todoroki

Even if he did know before it wouldn't have stopped him. Honestly. He probably knew it and used it to his advantage.

monoma neito.

Ew Wish I had more to say to that but just. ugh. ew

Todoroki

Not much else to say about him other than that. Surprised he even showed up to the conference. Wonder who on his team had to force him into that.

monoma neito.

Well, he has been showing up more to these kind of things, I suppose...

Todoroki

Guess he has to. Since he's number one. He has to replace All Might and do something to fill his place.

monoma neito.

Tch...

Todoroki

Kind of sad. Yeah. The instant he can make excuses to stop attending events again he will.

monoma neito.

Incredible. It really is... ... Hey, I don't know if you ever remember us talking about, like... Ah, what was it... It was a while ago... ... Getting back?...

Todoroki

..? No, apparently I'm not remembering.

monoma neito.

We were talking about quirk marriage (for some reason) and you were being defeatist about doing something about the matter. Even though you hate it so much.

Todoroki

Ah. Right.

monoma neito.

... And you hate your dad. And his position. ... Very blatantly. Why not do something about it...?

Todoroki

Like... what. Are you suggesting that I go public about how I was raised? Or what.

monoma neito.

A little bit. In the most basic sense. I'm sure there are other things that can be done if not that. I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.

Todoroki

Fair. Maybe I will someday. Not now, though. Probably not even soon. I also just can't imagine taking away our number one hero a second time.

monoma neito.

Mm... ... He doesn't deserve to be it though... He's hardly fit for it. That hardly counts...

Todoroki

Nobody knows that, though. Nobody knows it doesn't count, so it's fine.

monoma neito.

That doesn't make it fine, that makes it all the more sickening...

Todoroki

Not to the thousands of people who trust him. That's what matters, I guess. All of the people we need to keep safe and who need to trust heroes compared to a few kids. That's kind of what the press conference is about, anyways. Making sure people have faith in our heroes. Having a scandal like that would just... rip all of that to pieces.

monoma neito.

... Ah. Tch. I guess so. ... That is pretty telling, though. For you to say something like that.

Todoroki

Something like what?

monoma neito.

Blah blah, keeping people safe at your own expense... I mean, it's that kind of tomfoolery that keeps getting your wretched class into trouble, is it not...?

Todoroki

Monoma, we're talking about, frankly, millions of people compared to you, me, my siblings, and my mother. An entire society built on trusting our top ranking heroes. And you want to tear that down for a second time. So close to All Might having to retire, no less.

monoma neito.

If it were me, I would. Absolutely. But it's not tearing down society, it's punishing someone who has done wrong based on what the existing society deemed wrong.

Todoroki

No. It's. No. He might have done something wrong, but the repercussions of everyone knowing that is exactly the thing that would make it a total disaster to actually expose it.

monoma neito.

How so.

Todoroki

Do we really need people losing their faith in heroes right now?

monoma neito.

He's not a hero. Tch...

Todoroki

He is to all of Japan. The whole world, actually. You know who he isn't a hero to? 6 people.

monoma neito.

And the second they all find out he's a child abuser, the whole world can catch up. Like, you do understand that people will find out. This isn't wishful thinking. It's going to get out. Might as well do it sooner rather than later!

Todoroki

The whole world would catch up and be devastated. Maybe they will. That's why I said someday, but not right now. Because All Mights retirement was so recent.

monoma neito.

Whatever... The longer it takes, the worse it's gonna be when it happens, honestly...

Todoroki

Can't be worse than if we do it now.

monoma neito.

I think it can. But, like I said, whatever...

Todoroki

Well, any way that it happens it'll be bad.

monoma neito.

Yeah. ... So there's no point in stalling it, honestly. But, yeah.

Todoroki

Ugh. Forgive me for not wanting to get into that mess when I'm already dealing with everything else going on right now. Jesus christ.

monoma neito.

I said whatever, it's fine. You're forgiven. Haha~...

Todoroki

Very funny.

monoma neito.

... Oh, look at that perfectly timed question.

Todoroki

Wow. Can't wait for the answer. Ugh.

monoma neito.

Mmmhm.

Todoroki

... funny how he says we can count on him keeping everyone safe.

monoma neito.

Mm. Everyone but the people that are supposedly the most important to him...

Todoroki

Yeah. That's great. Wonderful. I love it.

monoma neito.

It's fantastic. Hope it goes on all night, just like that. Really.

Todoroki

Yeah. That would be.. great. Just. Fucking. Great..

monoma neito.

... ah? Are you okay?...

Todoroki

I'm fine.

monoma neito.

... Now are you just saying that to be irritating or are you actually fine.

Todoroki

why would i just say it to be irritating?????

monoma neito.

Because you have an irritating personality and you love to bug me with it.

Todoroki

Oh yeah sorry i forgot that i love being fucking impossible to be around for a second.

monoma neito.

No, you've clearly remembered because you're doing it right now. Being fucking impossible. Where are you right now?

Todoroki

Thanks for reminding me. my room.

monoma neito.

Okay. I'm gonna ask this, once, since I know I hate when people suddenly burst in my room for any reason. Do you want me over there with you right now?

Todoroki

no. i'm fine.

monoma neito.

... Okay.

Todoroki

... Great.

monoma neito.

They don't know anything...

Todoroki

They should know enough to know that that was. an awful question.

monoma neito.

It's the paparazzi. They do it on purpose. They want to be awful, that's why they say it.

Todoroki

Do they get off on everyone hating them or something.

monoma neito.

Of course they do. They wouldn't be journalists if they didn't.

Todoroki

You could be a journalist.

monoma neito.

.......................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Thanks.

Todoroki

ii'm going to throw up.

monoma neito.

... Maybe you should stop watching...

Todoroki

It's fine.

monoma neito.

Stop saying that...

Todoroki

It is.

monoma neito.

"You are expected to be an example to the rest of the country and the world. But not only that, you are a prime example of a parent who obviously knows what's right for their children." You really expect me to think you're fine after hearing that.

Todoroki

he barely even acknowledged it. why does all might LOOK at him like that. why does he RESPECT him.

monoma neito.

He doesn't know... You said that yourself, remember. Everyone respects him because they don't know.

Todoroki

fuck. FUCK.

monoma neito.

...

Todoroki

i hate this.

monoma neito.

I know... It sucks.

Todoroki

its. disgusting. i can't even. i don't. gh.

monoma neito.

Jesus.

Todoroki

what. the fuck.

monoma neito.

Todoroki I really think you should turn your television off. Like if you can just... listen to me for one damn moment today, please can it be about this- It's obviously only gonna get worse

Todoroki

but. i. no. god. fuck. i don't even. how did anyone find out.

monoma neito.

Someone at the hospital probably got paid out. It's not like it's hard to do...

Todoroki

for what some great fucking story about how the number one heroes son was fucking experimented on because his father was angry because i wasn't able to be enough or whatever the FUCK he thought,

monoma neito.

... yeah. that. exactly. ... can I come over please,,,

Todoroki

.. yeah.

monoma neito.

yay,,,

Todoroki

don't get too excited... probably won't be all that fun.

monoma neito.

What're you talking about?,, Trauma is fun,,,, wheeee,,,

Todoroki

Fun? Yeah. I'm having a great time.

monoma neito.

Same, I'm taking a tiny little detour actually and then I'll come over So don't freak out too much without mee... kay?

Todoroki

....? detour? For?

monoma neito.

Ah, fresh air Then again there is air between my room and yours, isnt there? Right yes I'll come straight over then

Todoroki

... Do you have anything to drink.

monoma neito.

Hm Yeah I'll bring it

Todoroki

Thanks.

[maggieisalarrie]

Titles: A

A Cauldron of Love by zimriya (27k)

“Oh for Merlin’s sake, yes,” Niall interrupts finally. “Harry’s been in love with Louis Tomlinson since that time in second year when he went and accidentally peed on him.”

Harry turns to face him, horrified. “Niall!” he squeaks out. “You promised you wouldn’t tell anyone about that!”

Niall just shrugs and wipes his mouth with a napkin. “Aw, come off it, Hazza, was it really a secret?” When Harry doesn’t say anything, he pauses and looks up. “It was?” he says. “Ah, bollocks.”

A Hogwarts AU.

A Harmony of Frost and Flames by londoniscalling (13k)

"He’s passing lockers and whistling a quiet tune when he first smells it. His body comes to a halt and his nostrils flair instinctively, eyes going wide as he registers what the scent resembles.

An omega in heat."

OR

Louis goes into his first heat at school and Harry accidentally puts them into a compromising position.

A Harmony of Frost and Flames Extended Epilogue by londoniscalling (7k)

Sequel to A Harmony of Frost and Flames.

A Long Way From The Playground by nightwideopen (11k)

Louis is a single dad who is having a lonely life crisis and Harry is a doctor that carries around princess band-aids in his pocket.

Scraped knees make grown men bond, apparently.

A Million One, A Million Two (a Hundred More Will Never Do) by LittleLostPieces (42k)

While Harry doesn’t want to spend his final year at Wilshire Academy sharing his space with yet another idiot roommate, he figures he could have ended up with a lot worse than Niall. As the school’s newest scholarship student, Niall provides a fresh perspective on Harry’s privileged life, as well as a grounding presence when Harry’s other friends, Liam and Zayn, are acting like lunatics. Most importantly, though, Niall introduces him to Louis, a cynical townie with zero interest in spending his time around entitled boarding school kids. Convincing Louis that he’s more than a trust fund and a charming smile won’t be easy, but Harry’s never been one to back down from a challenge.

An AU loosely inspired by the short-lived WB drama, Young Americans, and the Gotta Be You music video.

A New Buzz by stylesoftheshire (7k)

‘No way,’ Louis says, shaking his head disbelievingly. ‘Only you would come out to your best friend by making him buy you a fucking dildo.’

The classic tale of how Louis helps Harry purchase a vibrator and later helps him use it.

a prayer for which no words exist by Eliane (34k)

"Louis is a few seconds away from blowing up a rather important section of the New York subway when he sees Harry for the first time."

A Run At The Past by hostagesfic (11k)

Harry doesn’t expect it to happen while Gemma’s in Australia. He’s not lonely, this time, with plenty to do and the adrenaline of the end of tour, the excitement of going back to Japan. And Gemma, of course, her jokes at his expense and her flirting with Niall and her hugs for every occasion, the way she looks like mum when she scolds him half-heartedly. There’s no reason it should happen.

He wakes up in Louis’ bed anyway.

a runaway american dream by dangerbears (15k)

AU. they take route 66 with only each other and their secrets.

a virgin to that money by eversincewefellapart (7k)

AU. Harry and Louis are broke university students who hate each other and make a sex tape. (In which Louis gets fucked a lot, Harry can't find the camera, and the road to falling in love is different for everyone.)

Accidents Happen by lanaboo222 (19k)

Harry is accident prone and Louis is a volunteer minor emergency worker. They meet a lot and things happen.

Ace by aclosetlarryshipper (32k)

It’s real. He can’t keep denying it. Denial has just made things more difficult. Acceptance is the first stage to anything.

Louis sniffles and pulls the sun visor down, flipping it open to reveal the mirror. He stares into his own icy eyes, grimacing at the red rim around the edges.

He tries to say the words, but they still feel too final and condemning.

or

The sexuality crisis you probably haven't read.

Adore You by isthatyoularry (67k)

“We invited our new acquaintances from uptown. You’ve simply got to meet their oldest son!” said his mother with a flourish, and suddenly it became abundantly clear as to why his parents had so adamantly demanded he join them in Deansville for the entirety of the summer.

Against his wishes, Harry spends the holidays at his family’s summer estate, and is reluctantly pulled into a courtship he didn’t ask for. Harry doesn’t want to get married, but Louis does. They don’t fit, but then again they really, really do.

Vaguely set in the 1920’s. Headpieces, jazz, fashionable canes, and flapper dresses, and that.

Ain’t My Fault by afirethatcannotdie (7k)

“Liam, M4M is for sex! You posted in a sex forum about your missing jacket.”

“It is not for sex!”

“It is. Trust me.”

“Well, if it helps me find my jacket then I don’t really see why it matters. Besides, someone already texted me about it. This Styles guy’s coming over in a bit to get it.”

“You invited the avocado man to come get his jacket at our flat after posting on a sex forum. Do you see where this is going?”

“I really don’t.”

“Someone is going to have to have sex with the avocado man!” Louis screeches, and Liam covers his ears.

AU. Liam posts an ad on the wrong section of Craigslist, Louis is pretty sure they’re gonna get murdered as a result, and Harry’s missing an avocado.

all i want for christmas is by crybaby (18k)

With Harry up against his side, his little four year old snuggled in his lap like it’s her favourite place, Louis could really believe they’re a real little family, off to their chalet to spend Christmas in the snow. A real little family where Louis would have the luxury of kissing Harry under mistletoe and rolling around in the fresh snow with him, taking him upstairs to his bedroom and fucking him to keep him warm.

(harry is louis' daughters' au pair. they spend christmas in austria)

all the diamonds you have here by vashtaneradas (22k)

it hits louis now, how fucking close to the precipice they’re standing. or, an au feat. investment banking and children.

All We Have by colourexplosion (6k)

He looks at the person who’s asked him a question and then immediately wishes he hadn’t. He’s beautiful, is the thing, and Harry’s met him before.

“No, sorry,” he says, shaking his head, averting his eyes. It’s an old habit, one he’s gotten better about resisting, but he supposes seeing Louis Tomlinson out in the wild transports him right back to youth club.

“Ah, s’fine really,” Louis says, instead of just walking away like a normal person, “Pretty boy like you shouldn’t be smoking anyway, yeah?”

Harry’s cheeks flood with heat before he can stop it, and he squeezes his eyes shut. Of course. Of course Louis Tomlinson — the boy who basically made Harry realize he’s gay — thinks he’s cute now. Ten years after the fact, and much too late for it to do any good at all.

Or, a 'Grown' au

Always Be My Baby by itsmiz (8k)

Louis isn't looking forward to his birthday, and Harry makes him see that age truly is just a number.

Based on Louis' tweet: 22 is old :(

Always Come Back To You by whoknows (29k)

“I’ll do it,” Harry offers brightly. No one even blinks. “I’ll do it?”

Louis sighs irritably. “Shut up,” he orders, tossing a pillow in the general direction of Harry’s face. This is a terrible time for jokes, especially Harry’s lame, old people ones.

Not that it was an old people joke. Just that most of the time Harry’s jokes consist of knock-knocks or terrible puns. The type of jokes old people like, Louis’ pretty sure. His nan always finds them hilarious when Harry tells her one.

Harry bats the pillow out of the air without even blinking. “Be reasonable, Lou,” he says in his most reasonable voice.

Louis is perfectly reasonable, thank you very much, and he’s also frustrated and upset and tired and he really wants to punch something. Maybe he should have held on to that pillow a little longer.

“You’re not gonna fucking do it,” he snaps. “That’s the last thing I need.”

amaryllis by hattalove (147k)

“Where are we?” “Um. A little while out of London?” Niall tries, seemingly the only one willing to not be mysterious and provide Harry with information, and. Oh. “London London? As in, the capital of England London?” he asks, just in case he’d misheard. “No, the other London,” Louis laughs, low and biting. He comes closer finally, the moonlight just enough to reveal a sharp-cut jaw and pale skin. “Sorry, Pup.” Nobody’s ever called Harry a “pup”. Frankly, he finds it quite insulting, but he lets it slide to try and comprehend his current crisis.

or the one where harry gets bitten by a werewolf. louis is the mysterious not-quite alpha, liam and zayn have Things going on, niall is their token human, and together, they watch a lot of TV.

And Then A Bit by infinitelymint (159k)

“We’d like to give the fans what they want.” Magee states, placing his hand on the table in front of him and leaning forward. “We want to give them Larry Stylinson.”

Or, take a parallel universe where Louis and Harry were never together, mix in a two year hiatus and an impending comeback, pour in a dash of lost fans, two tablespoons of strong friendship and a Modest! employee with a good idea. Add a squeeze of pretending to be a couple, lots of kisses and a tattoo or two. Stir. Serve: the mother of all publicity stunts.

(aka Harry and Louis fake a relationship for publicity. Eventually it becomes a lot less fake and a lot more real.)

anything plain can be lovely by el_em_en_oh_pee (5k)

Harry sees Louis - like, really sees Louis - again for the first time in his mid-thirties. (a grew-up-together AU)

Around the World by orphan_account (6k)

“Could you–” Harry breaks off, gasping as Louis leans in to bite the sensitive skin just under Harry’s jaw, a favourite spot of Harry’s. “Could you, y’know, in French?”

“Could I what, H?” Louis asks, peppering kisses underneath Harry’s jaw and trailing them up to his lips.

“Dirty talk,” Harry says in an exhale.

Or, Louis dirty talks in French. Kind of.

Autumn At My Window by TheCellarDoor (20k)

A canon-compliant AU, in which Harry and Louis are both in the band and have been sharing flats and hotel rooms for nearly five years, but never made the leap past 'friends who are too close for comfort'.

Featuring a lot of pining, Louis' addiction to Harry's scent, and a whole lot of sexual tension that might just snap loose when they decide to spend some time together all on their own. 

Last edited: September 7, 2017

Done here? Go back to my Recommended Fics → 

[aarafox]

aannd 86 Freylic x Luciora!!! 😃

Hhhhhhhh yes

86) “You’re important too.”

[Extra information: Freylic is the prince of the planet; this is a few Orbits after he has begun his annual trips over the planet. I think Lucy is fourteen and Freylic is sixteen in this drabble. Also, they were never romantically involved with each other. And an Orbit is a “year”]

Every Orbit when Freylic returned to the city, Lucy would relive the moment she met him. She was five, and reckless for her age - although she would call it “audacious”. After a disagreement with her dad, she had stormed outside and ran to the north of the city, to the highest tree of Sinalópolis. She began climbing. She didn’t need wings, she didn’t need to be big or tall! She was old enough to do this on her own! She was old enough to not need school to know enough about life to go to the place where they had invented Kawera!

As she jumped from one branch to another and landed perfectly, she smirked proudly. Hah, this would teach her dad!

But a small crack made her smile disappear like ice next to fire, and before she knew it, she was falling.

She had climbed less metres than she thought. She hardly met any branches on her way down. What she did meet, however, was the body of a Neflora.

Thump.

“Ouch!”

Lucy groaned and tried to get up. “What kind of idiot–?!”

But her words stopped as she turned around to look at the person she’d landed on. Hair as white as a lily, skin pale like clouds, and eyes gold like the sun. There was only one person who fitted a description like that, and that was someone with “Reyalos” as surname.

“Are you–?!” She rolled off of him.

The boy, at most seven years old, rubbed his head with one eye closed.

“So, this is probably the Universe trying to tell me I should not have left the palace,” he said.

“Prince Freylic?!?!” Lucy’s mouth was gaping.

He smiled bitterly. “That is me. And who are you, if I may ask?”

“I’m Luciora!” she said.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, Luciora.” Apparently he didn’t really blame her for falling on top of him, because he smiled dazzingly at her. “Do not tell me you were trying to climb the highest tree of our city?”

“I was.” Lucy pouted. “But it didn’t really go as I hoped.”

“How old are you?”

“Five. But that’s old enough!!”

“I have no doubt. You look strong enough to be able to climb it.”

Lucy was surprised by that reply and her eyes grew big. No one had ever said that to her before.

“I’ll try again one day. Will you watch then?”

The prince smiled. “Of course.”

Lucy smiled as well. That was now nine Orbits ago, and afterwards they had met up many times. Freylic was curious about the five-Orbits old girl trying to climb the highest tree, and Lucy had become curious about the friendly prince who seemed too grown up for his age. They had become a remarkable combination, which not many people knew about.

When Freylic turned eight, he had to leave on his first global journey, and it had suddenly become clear to Lucy why he behaved so much more grown-up than he should have. He had been raised to fulfill his duty of travelling the planet from an early age on.

After that, in the few weeks Freylic was back in Sinalópolis, they had met up as often as they could. The only advantage now was that Freylic was allowed to leave the palace as he liked, and they didn’t have to be all secretive anymore, although they made sure they were with the two of them, because he did not need all his fans around him all the time.

But since about two Orbits or so, their meetings had become less. Lucy didn’t know why exactly, because she did try to see him, but somehow… it just never worked out. So her expectations had gradually shrinked a bit, and this Orbit she wasn’t hoping for much.

Everyone else was celebrating extensively: the whole square was full of Sinalópolis’ citizens welcoming him with the traditional Freylic song, but as Lucy’s eyes followed the prince and his grand procession with dancing acrobats and footmen, she just felt a doubtful somberness. Freylic ascended the stage and sat down, smiling modestly like always. He welcomed everyone happily and then reluctantly received all the presents (he always said “treat yourself with presents, not me”).

Lucy sighed. He wasn’t bad. He never had been bad, but she missed talking to him.

“This Orbit you’ll probably get the chance, won’t you?” Emily said. Lucy, Bella, Emily and all their families always went to Freylic’s Arrival Feast together.

Lucy looked at her friend. “I hope so.”

“Don’t give up!” Bella said energetically. “He probably misses you too!”

But Lucy wasn’t so sure about that. Not when the Freylic Fanclub immediately grabbed all his attention as soon as he tried to descend the stage and mingle with the people.

Apparently her thoughts were written on her face, because she heard Emily chuckle. “You look so bitter.”

“Guess I am bitter,” Lucy said.

“Come on girl, go,” Bella said and she pushed Lucy forward. “Good luck!”

Lucy looked back at them, her face painted with reluctance, but she blended in with the crowd and made her way to the stage. It was difficult to get too close to the prince. He was always surrounded with people. Normally, Freylic made an effort to look for her too, but not this time. He wasn’t even looking around. He only paid attention to his stupid fanclub.

Lucy gritted her teeth. This wasn’t gonna work! Why did she try to get to close to him anyway?! They had hardly spoken last Orbit, why would they now?! It was clear that Freylic didn’t need her friendship anymore. Well fine. If their friendship was only one-sided, there was nothing she could do. She would not stand in his way.

But still she wanted to end this appropriately. Thus she decided to try again when the members of that horrible fanclub had finally fucked off.

Okay. Apparently that was gonna be sooner than expected. While she was making her way back to the fountain, suddenly all the members surpassed her with great speed. She quickly whirled around, saw a direct line through the people to Freylic, and she dashed forward.

One second later, she was right in front of him.

“Luciora!” Freylic said, surprised.

“Hello,” she said. She couldn’t smile.

“How have you been?” he said. He had a soft gaze in his eyes, but it wasn’t the dazzling smile she was used to.

“Could be better.” She didn’t give him a chance to ask why. “I haven’t talked to you in a while.”

“You are right,” he answered and lowered his head. “I am sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You’re the prince. You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t have to.”

“No, but that is not really why…” Lucy could see he was troubled by all this.

“You don’t have to feel guilty!” She quickly said. “I understand why you can’t, you know, make time for me each Orbit. It’s not weird! I can’t blame you for being the prince of the planet! Your fanclub, all these people, they’re all important to you and that’s logical!”

“You’re important too.” Freylic cut through her words like she’d never heard before. He never sounded informal, but he let go of his formality to tell her this. His eyes looked sternly in hers.

Lucy was silent. Freylic took a deep breath.

“I am sorry I was not there to speak with you the last two Orbits.” He shook his head. “There is no excuse. I did not mean to, but there is no excuse. I… There must have been something…”

He felt guilty, she could see it. She quickly looked about her, established that no one was paying attention to them, grabbed his hand and pulled him behind the stage, so they wouldn’t be disturbed.

When they were away from everyone else, Lucy looked at him questioningly.

“I think, I think it was…” Freylic didn’t know what he had to say.

“Perhaps it’s puberty!” Lucy shrugged. “That does stupid things to us. You’ve been famous all your life and you meet thousands of people every day. It’s not strange you didn’t think of me.”

“No, Lucy, let me explain this to you,” he said. “You might not be so far off with your puberty argument. I hate to admit it, but my mind sometimes does things I did not plan.”

Lucy nodded in understanding.

“But you, Lucy, you are a part of my life I never thought I would have.” Lucy’s heart clenched upon seeing his sincere eyes. “The day I met you opened a door for me. Being with you was like being away from my lessons, my parents, the duties I was fulfilling each day. The time I spend with you means more to me than you can understand.” He shook his head again. “The past two Orbits were overwhelming, with all the new attention I received. Neflora are… falling in love with me, at least they tell me so. It took an effort to keep myself away from that, away from hurting others. You know I am destined to Bond with someone from my family, so I can never give it them. While trying to preserve myself, while staying true to myself and trying to understand all the new developments in my life, I neglected you, and I am so sorry.” He paused, while Lucy stared at him with red cheeks. “I would never give up my friendship with you.”

They looked each other in the eye.

“And I will do my best to meet you as soon as I can, each Orbit I return.”

After a few minutes of silence, Lucy grinned. “Aw, aren’t you sweet!” She placed her hand on his head and rubbed it so enthusiastically that his hair became a mess. “I was never mad at you, sorry if it seemed that way!”

Freylic smiled and shook his head. “No, I know you understand my circumstances better than anyone. Thank you for coming to me. I am glad I could explain it to you.”

“You’re talking so much now,” Lucy chuckled. “Don’t worry about it. It’s all good. I never want to give up my friendship with you either! Even though I thought for a bit that we wouldn’t be able to be friends anymore. I enjoy being with you, Freylic! You’re very different from all my other friends, and talking to you makes me extremely happy too! I know how much everything is for you sometimes, I’m sorry I became a bit bitter about it.”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Freylic said, shaking his head.

“Well, I’m glad I know what was going on now,” Lucy said. “You can always talk to me when you’re overwhelmed again, okay?”

“Yes,” Freylic said gratefully. “I appreciate it.”

“Great!” Lucy said.

She looked over her shoulder, turned back to Freylic and whispered. “What do you think of your fanclub?”

Freylic chucked softly, but then he shrugged. “I am just glad I can make them happy.”

Lucy snorted. “You’re too good for them.”

“And you’re too good for me.”

She smiled. “Now you really gotta stop, I’m becoming shy! But,” and now she became honest, “thank you, for treasuring me so much. I really don’t deserve it.”

“Of course you do. It is all my pleasure,” Freylic said, smiling back.

“Now, I gotta ask you one last thing,” Lucy said, as they started walking back to the square. “Why did the entire ‘Freylic Fanclub’ run away from you so quickly?”

“Ah.” Freylic put his finger on his chin and said with an apologetic smirk. “I told them someone was selling merchandise with my face on it at the beginning of the square.”

Lucy burst out laughing. “You really are more sneaky then you seem!”

Freylic grinned. “Perhaps that is why we match so well.”

“Perhaps,” Lucy grinned back.

[halethesourestwolf]

Some ramblings about tonight’s episode(s).

It’s understandable that a lot of people are unhappy with tonight’s episode(s), but, honestly, it was better than I thought possible. It may be that I’m lost to denial land and can’t get out, or it might be because the story I’m working on reflects all of the positive aspects of the episode(s), which I’ll keep that way, but I don’t know. I’m not overjoyed with the negative elements, but the positives are enough for me.

I mean, it started out with Aaron and Robert waking up, and their reactions to the release; Aaron’s elation, and Robert’s excitement, which was tainted with guilt and fear (he wears it so beautifully). Let’s talk about how adorable it is for Robert to have set an alarm with a reminder that he gets his husband back, how nervous he was, and how anxious he was to look half decent for their reunion. Or the fact that he got out of the car, crossed to the middle of the road, and just held the shit out of Aaron for all the world to see. How far he’s come in accepting himself for what and who he is makes me so, so proud of him, and accepting them and their relationship; it’s a beautiful thing. Plus, the second Aaron reached out for his hand in a pub full of people, Robert didn’t hesitate.

Robert telling Rebecca to keep quiet, sure, it looks bad, but I genuinely believe it’s because he needs Aaron to have at least one day to ease back into his life before he gets his heart broken rather than him desperately trying to hide what he’s done. He chased after Aaron, thinking he knew, and he was prepared to face up to it, taking whatever he deserves, because he’s going to fight for them with all it takes. And the punch! I love Robert, I really do, but he looks so good getting the shit knocked out of him.

Aaron, finally breaking down and telling someone about what he’s been dealing with in prison, this is such a huge deal for him, and he did it. I mean, he could have kept quiet, it’s over now, so what would anyone do about it, anyway? But he didn’t, he told Robert everything, let it all out. And, Robert, he listened to it all, reacted perfectly, and tried to offer the support Aaron needs. Both of them admitting and accepting that there are problems there between them that they need help with, and Robert promising to do whatever it takes to make sure Aaron gets that; it’s been a long time coming, and, finally, it’s there. It’s such a huge thing, and I really, really hope that Emmerdale don’t gloss over it, that we get to see them getting counselling/talking about things that matter, because otherwise what would the prison hell have been pushing towards if not this? Both of them have been forced to face the issues they have, their reactions to situations beyond their control, the inability to communicate properly when it matters the most, and they’ve had to face their demons (Aaron more than Robert at this stage, but I’m sure his time will come soon enough). They’ve both learnt a lot about themselves through all of this, realised how low they can truly sink, and now here’s to hoping they learn to understand each other better as well as sorting themselves out.

Victoria suddenly befriending Rebecca is as odd as Adam suddenly hanging out with Ross (because both pairs hated each other, and with nothing between that and this to show them getting over their issues, it’s just...odd. Or, well, obviously, it’s all one big plot device to shove all of them together in a weird pregnancy gang. I’ve decided to let them get on with it, because I’ve got more important things to worry about, like, well, Aaron and Robert (and Liv!). Whatever comes of all this, those two are my focus, everyone else around them are just things getting in the way, so I’m concentrating on them and mentally willing them to figure it all out, together, as a couple, because sod everyone else.

Rebecca. I want to like her, I’ve tried to hate her and failed, because she started out with so much potential to be a really interesting character - she was set apart from the rest of her horrid family, but now I have no idea what she’s become. But if she is pregnant with Robert’s baby, I’ll do something improbable that I’ve yet to think of, because, really? She’s been sleeping with Ross, apparently a lot, for months, but one night with Robert, mere weeks ago, and her first assumption is that it’s his (that look meant that, right? I was focusing on the beautiful people in the room at the time, oops). What are the odds? And that’s if she’s even really pregnant at all. No reflection on this entire mess of a storyline, but I really don’t see her as a mother; she was described as a flighty young thing at heart who did what she wanted, when she wanted, and just up and left and moved wherever, whenever, so a life-long commitment like that doesn’t fit, and there’s been no real character development to show us she’s moved on from that or how and why beyond her obsession with winning Robert. Not that she’s shown us much of this exciting side that was built-up and forgotten about two minutes later, either, like, but still. I honestly don’t know what to think or how to feel about her, this sudden attitude of being a victim somehow amongst all of it, and her desperate attempts to make Robert jealous, as if he’s ever going to pick her (or anyone else, for that matter) over Aaron, sorry, love, but nice try.

I think I’ve reached the point where I don’t care about her character one way or the other (it’s a bit late to actually make her into an established character), because the cheating (if it actually happened, I’m still not convinced, but I’m no doubt going to be proved wrong - I mean, that look could have been her cooking up a plan to get back at him for all we know, especially after hearing Robert and Aaron being perfect), well, it’s done, now, it’s over, and Robert’s never going back there again, so that’s all out of the way, and the fallout will bring us some spectacular scenes from Danny and Ryan, so I can live with that, to be honest. We can put the Rebecca thing to bed and get on with our lives, even if there are some bumps along the way.

Faith. I want to like her, but I also can’t forget what she did to Chas and Cain. She’s trying, though, I’ll give her that, and she seemed genuinely hurt when Debbie decides to put her in her place, but I don’t know. She does crack me up, though, she’s getting the best funny lines, and I’m mostly Aaron, laughing and pretending not to be.

Gabby, though, oh god. I feel for her so much, but I think she’ll be all right with Laurel there; they’ll help each other through it. Sometimes I wish Laurel really was her mum, I think she would have been so much better off, because most of the time, as far as parenting goes, Bernice is useless. The moment she had with Ashley, though, and, I mean, I’ve never liked Ashley, over the years there’s been so many things I’ve hated about him, but I wouldn’t wish dementia on anyone. I’m so glad she finally managed to talk to him, even if he’s not really there anymore, it’s what she needed. And Marlon, god, why does it hurt me when he cries? Stop it.

Let’s not even start on Rhona and Pierce, because watching someone be manipulated and abused like that, it triggers me a little, not enough not to watch, but I struggle to cope with it. I know what it’s like to have someone whispering in your ear, and to believe them, to let them cause pain and suffering, and to see them getting off on it, but being powerless against it. I really hope that whole thing isn’t on screen too much or too often.

But did I mention Aaron and Robert? I love them, and I’ve missed them, and as far as they were concerned, this episode was better than I’d hoped overall. Hugs, hand holding, adorable little moments of them being dorks, emotions being talked about, experiences being shared, supporting each other, and, well, they’re no longer separated, I think that was the whole point of this post. Aaron is home, Robert has his husband back, and now we can at least bask in that for a week before it all goes to hell again.

Things I do feel disappointed by, but that I’m not surprised at, the same with the whole pregnancy thing - we knew it was coming, and it was obvious how it would go, and I’m a bit of the same with these as well. Aaron supported Adam all throughout his prison ordeal, but not once did Adam go and visit Aaron, and then he comes home and he’s so busy being a dick in the background with Ross he couldn’t be arsed to even hug his best mate and welcome him home. Why don’t people talk about how Aaron makes Adam a better person, but unlike Robert who actually remains someone who keeps trying to be better when he’s in a scene without him, Adam reverts right back to being a dick (or stupidly adorable whilst still mostly being a dick). Again, Cain supported Adam when he went to prison, but it was as if he couldn’t care less about Aaron going, and although I am pleased we got a scene with Cain and Aaron, I think he could have seem more pleased to have him home, and what about Cain knowing Jason’s dad, what was the point in mentioning it at all if there’s not even a conversation about it? And where the hell was Paddy? Chas and Liv are gone, which is understandable, but where is everyone else? Faith cared more about welcoming Aaron home than anyone else outside of Robert, and I think half of that was because she wanted an excuse for a party with someone else paying the bill. I just find it odd that no one seemed to care he was home all that much, especially since we didn’t see or hear of anyone else visiting.

Overall, though, as far as our lads go, I’m happy with what we got of them. Fuck everyone else, because no one ever cares about Robert, and Aaron is always overlooked, so, whatever, I’m beyond caring about anyone else, even the few characters I usually love have been so awful lately.

[isolavirtuosa]

Post-Post Traumatic: The Second Time 11-13

Post-Post Traumatic [fanfiction] NaruSasu (in progress)

A series of “drabbles” following the events of Post Traumatic.

Previous Parts

The Second Time

11-13 under the cut

This is the end of The Second Time, The Last Time is very short but unedited, should go up in the beginning of February.

- 11 -

             Karin came to see me the day before I was going to be released. I’d been in the hospital for almost a month, and I hadn’t seen her even once.

           “You look… less crazy…” she concluded.

What looked like a burn scar was wrapped around her neck, and I had this sudden flash of grabbing her by the neck right before Jugo knocked me out.

Karin followed my gaze. “Sakura said if I stop in Konoha, she can probably fix the scarring.”

I didn’t know what to say. I hadn’t meant to do it, but saying that would be akin to avoiding responsibility.  I’d done it, and there was no taking it back.

“This room is awful,” Karin said, rubbing her arms.  “How can you stand it?”

           “I don’t have a choice in the matter.”

           She shrugged.  “Guess so.”

           We both regarded one another silently.

           Karin, like Naruto, never could stand the silence for long. “You and I aren’t good right now. Do you get that?”

           “Yes.”

           “Do you get that you scare me?”

           “Karin…”

           “You’re too fucking powerful to be that fucking crazy. You’re a ticking time bomb, and I don’t want to be around when you go off.”

           “I understand,” I said, trying to sound flat.  The medications helped.  It was hard to feel much of anything on them.

           “No, you don’t,” she said, frustrated.  “I love you, Sasuke.  So much.  But how many times do we have to go through this?  When you ask for help, does it cost you something?  Why do you hate doing it so much?  Because when you do ask for help, you get it.  And things are good.  Things have been great the last four years.  Look at what you’ve done with Taka.  Look at what you’ve done with your little ragtag bunch of orphans.  The world is better for having you in it. But then you go and act a fool and ruin everything, and for what?  Is it your pride?  I don’t get it.”

           “I don’t get it either,” I said quietly.  “I don’t know how things got so out of control.  I don’t know how I could…”

           She watched me.

           I met her gaze.  I wanted to say so many things, to express to her how important she was to me and that I knew how badly I’d messed up.  It was like there was a wall between my head and my mouth, though, and no words came out.

           “I’ll be waiting for you at home,” she said, standing up.

           “Thank you,” I managed to say before the door was closed.

           Karin’s mouth upturned before she disappeared.

           Jugo came to take me home the next day.

           I sat in the wheelchair and let Jugo push me towards the front door.

           “Where’s Naruto?” I asked, like a reflex.

           “I told him to stay home and relax.”

           “And he agreed?” I asked.  I would have looked surprised if I was capable.

           “I think Naruto has realized that if he doesn’t take care of himself first, then he can’t do anything for you.”

           “I’ve only been telling him that for twenty years,” I muttered.

           “You’re both slow learners.”

           The walk from Suna to home seemed longer.  I hadn’t been eating or exercising properly, not to mention all the stomach issues I’d been having.

           Jugo was a silent, steady rock beside me.

           “I think you should take over Taka,” I finally said.

           “Don’t be ridiculous.”

           “You’ve been running things since I went to the hospital. It makes sense to just continue.”

           “Sasuke.  You’re perfectly competent at your job.  That’s never been an issue.”

           “Who’s going to want to do business with me now?”

           “No one knows what happened,” Jugo said.

           “Then how did you explain my absence?”

           “Said you were sick and in the hospital.”

           “And you don’t think that everyone could read between the lines?”

           “The only people who notice how erratic your behavior gets are the people who know you well.  Which is a very small number of people.  Of course there are rumors, but they’re not substantiated, and it all just plays into the mythos that is Uchiha Sasuke.”

           I thought about it.  “I still don’t think that I’m fit to lead Taka.”

           “We’ll talk about it later.”

           I didn’t know when Jugo had gotten so assertive.  Or talkative. But then we went back to our usual silence.

           Naruto and the kids were all out at the training grounds, while Karin and Mari were back at the house.

           Mari gave me a tentative look, trying to size up how crazy I was.

           I waited, and then she gave me a running hug.

           “You’re so dumb,” she said.

           I had the feeling I was going to be taking a lot of abuse over the next few days.

           “Don’t scare us like that again,” she said, her face still attached to my stomach.

           “I don’t want to,” I said, which was the best I could offer.

           “I said don’t do it!” she snapped, stomping on my foot.

           “Ow,” I said flatly.

           “Yuck, you are way too medicated,” she observed.

           “I know, right?” I agreed.

           “Does that mean I can say whatever I want and you won’t get mad?”

           “Why don’t you try it and find out?” I suggested.

           Mari looked me up and down, then thought better of it.  “Can I have Karin’s room?”

           “She’s sitting in the living room, why don’t you ask her yourself?”

           “Kariiiin!” she yelled, still attached to me.

           I pushed her way. “Talk like a normal person.”

           “I was?”

           “I’m going to lie down.”

           “Oh.  Are you feeling okay?” Mari asked, worry creasing between her eyebrows.

           “Yeah, it was just a long walk,” I said, moving towards the stairs.

           “Oh… kay…”

           I crawled into bed, feeling exhausted.

           When I woke up, it was dark.

           “Hey, did I wake you?” Naruto said from where he was rummaging through his weapons drawer.

           “What time is it, eight?” I asked, sitting up.

           “Mm, just about,” he said, coming over to me.  “Welcome home.”

           I found myself wrapped in a hug.  “Thanks for letting me come home,” I mumbled into his stomach.

         Naruto pet my head like I was an animal.  “I made dinner.  If you want some?  It’s just curry, nothing fancy.”

           “I should eat.”

           Naruto looked down at me, eyes faintly glowing in the dark.  “Come downstairs.  Say hi to everyone.”

           “They’re not all terrified of me?”

           “Well, Mari isn’t.”

           “Maybe it’s better if I don’t.”

           “Don’t be stupid, Sasuke. This is your home.  This is your family.  That hasn’t changed.”

           “Hasn’t everything changed?”

           “Nah,” he said, rocking me side-to-side.

           “That’s all you have to say on the topic.  ‘Nah’?”

           “Mm.”

           “I’m toxic.”

           “Only sometimes.”

           “Do you think your life would be better without me?”

           “No,” he said, pinching my cheeks.  “Easier, definitely.  But not better.  I’d be like half a person.”

           “You won’t know until you try.”

           “I have tried, in case you forgot.  It was always like something was missing, and I couldn’t quite be at ease.  I never feel right until I’m next to you.”

           “That sounds like a psychological issue.”

           “Yeah, probably. But you complete me.”

           “Gross.”

           “And you love it,” Naruto said, suddenly throwing me over his shoulder.

           “What the fuck-!”

           “We’re gonna eat curry now.”

           “You’re not going to carry me-”

           “Watch me,” he said, giving me a sharp spank.

           I spanked him back in retaliation.

           “Save some of that for later,” he said, moving down the hallway to the stairs.

           “Put me down if you want to live to see later.”

           “Yeah, yeah,” he said, dropping me on my feet.  He started moving down the stairs, but I caught his arm.

           “Is there really going to be a later?” I asked.

           Naruto turned around slowly.  “Babe. Of course there’s going to be a later. You gotta stop this self-doubt thing.”

           “But I ruined everything.”

           Naruto sighed, coming back up the stairs.  “Listen to me, please,” he said, putting his hands on my shoulders.  “It’s… hard to deal with sometimes.  You do things that are crazy and awful and hurtful and scary... And I can’t just say, ‘well, you have a disease, so it’s okay.’  It’s not.”

           I felt myself crumbling.

           “Listen to me,” Naruto repeated.  He tightened his grip on my shoulders.  “How long has it been since we left Konoha?  Like ten years?”

           “Eight,” I mumbled.

           “Yeah.  So in those eight years, how many times have you done something… you know, over the line?”

           “Every day?”

           “Stop that.  I’m being serious.  Okay?  I’ll tell you my answer.  Twice. The time you went off your meds and ran away, and this time.  Two times in eight years, ya know?  I’m not saying that it doesn’t matter, but when you look at it that way, it’s such a small part of our life.”

           “But-”

           “Sasuke.”

           “You don’t deserve this.”

           “It’s not like all of our problems are because of you.  I kept promising to be home more.  I saw you coming apart, and I knew that I should be here, but it was always one thing after another that I had to deal with.  I think I’ve finally realized that it’s just never going to stop. Maybe it’s time to let someone else step up and save the world.”

           I studied his face. He didn’t look as tired as usual.

           “I want to be home with my family,” he continued, cupping my face.  “I’ve been pushing all this responsibility on you to take care of everything here, and… I know that hasn’t been helpful.  I can’t keep prioritizing all the politics and whatever over you guys. Okay?  I get it now.  I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

           I didn’t know what to say to that.

           Naruto threw me over his shoulder again.  “Curry time.”

           I started yelling at him as he carried me down the stairs, only to suddenly realize that we had an audience.

           The kids were peeking out at us silently from the doorway.

           “Put me down,” I muttered.

           “Never,” Naruto said cheerfully.

           I could have made him, but I didn’t think that would do much for my image rehabilitation.

           “Hey, kiddos, look who’s home from the hospital,” he said, swinging me around to show them.

           “Naruto-sensei, shouldn’t you be… careful?” one of the kids said.

           “Yeah, wasn’t Sasuke-sensei real sick?  You shouldn’t just be playing around like that.”

           Naruto, looking chastened, put me down at the bottom of the stairs.

           “Thanks, brats,” I said, and the two kids grinned.

           “Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Naruto asked, trying to recover his authority.  Not that he had any to begin with.

           “We wanted to say goodnight to Sasuke-sensei,” one of the kids said, pouting.

           I wished I bothered to know their names.  “Good night,” I offered.

           “Good night!” they chorused.

           They continued to stare at us.

           “Go to bed already!” Karin yelled from the kitchen.

           The kids scampered away.

           “Is there still rice in the rice cooker?” Naruto asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

           “There’s a little bit,” Mari said.  “Sasuke, are you gonna eat?”

           “I guess.”

           “It’s not, ‘I guess’,” she scolded me, scooping some rice into a bowl.

           Karin took the bowl from her and added curry.  “Sit.”

           “I’m not a dog,” I muttered.

           She put the bowl on the table, sighing dramatically.

           I sat down and started eating.

           Naruto sat next to me, one foot up on his chair, resting his arm on his knee.  He dropped his other hand on my thigh.

           “Do you have any table manners?” Mari huffed, swatting at his knee.            “What’re you, my mother?” Naruto complained.

           “Might as well be!”

           “You’re like… twenty years younger than me…”

           “It’s all about mental age,” she said, knocking her fist against her head.

           Naruto squinted at her, like he thought she might be making fun of him, but he wasn’t quite sure.

           “Thank you for taking care of the house, Karin,” I said.

           She gave me a small smile.  “It’s not a problem.”

           “I’ll be home tomorrow,” Naruto said.  “Planning to be home for the rest of the week.”

           “You don’t have to be,” I said.

           “Yeah, but I told you, I’m cutting back on Hokage work,” he said, rubbing his thumb against me. “I’m not gonna let this job kill me like….”

           I rested my hand over his, squeezing.

           Mari looked between us curiously.

           “I’ve got the bath warmed up,” Karin said to her.

           “But I wanna sit with Sasuke.”

           “Do whatever you want, kid.”

           “I would kill for a cigarette,” I muttered.

           “What, babe!” Naruto cried, looking aghast.  “You were doing so good with the patches.”

           “I wasn’t doing well, I just didn’t have another option in the hospital,” I said.  “And also I was more focused on what felt like my body trying to destroy itself than my need for nicotine.”

           “Is there nothing I can do to get you to stay on the patches?”

           I raised an eyebrow at him, chewing slowly on my rice.

           “Smoking is gross,” Mari chimed in.

           “Yep,” Karin agreed.

           “Very,” Naruto said, scowling.

           I got up and started looking at the usual places that I had cigarettes squirreled away.  I wasn’t surprised to find them all gone.  I was betting all my booze and drugs were gone as well.

           “I thought you were quitting,” Naruto said, pointing at the trash can.

           “Even my tobacco and rolling paper?”

           He started to look sheepish.

           I sat back down, feeling irritated.

           “You want a new patch?” he offered, holding one up.

           I held out my arm, frowning.

           He carefully worked the old patch off of my arm and put the new one on.

           “Thanks,” I muttered. I didn’t want to be so moody, but even psychiatric medication couldn’t do much to dull the irritation.  I’d just spent weeks in the hospital coming down from opium, which was right after I’d spent weeks coming off of all of my medications, only to be forced to go back on all of them.  And then everyone in the house had stolen my cigarettes.  I hoped they didn’t expect me to be nice.

           But looking around the table, of course they didn’t.  This was Naruto, Karin, and Mari.  They all knew me.  It didn’t mean that they were going to put up with shit, but they weren’t going to expect me to be someone I wasn’t.

           “You look weird,” Mari commented.

           I turned my narrowed eyes on her.

           “Well, you do,” she said, getting to her feet.  “I’m gonna take a bath now.”  She came around to my side of the table and threw her arms around me.

           I had my spoon half-raised to my mouth, and strained to make sure none of the curry spilled on me.

           “Tell Karin to give me her room,” she whispered into my ear.

           I watched her skip off to the shower room.

           “She looks so much happier now that you’re home,” Naruto said, kissing my cheek.

           “I’m trying to eat…” I muttered, spoon still in the air.

           Naruto took the spoon from my hand and tried to feed me with it.

           I stared at him.

           He grinned.

           I took a begrudging bite.

           Things felt okay. I was irritated, but in that hazy, medicated way that wasn’t real anger.  Karin was giving me tentative smiles.  I wanted a cigarette more than anything, but it seemed like we were going to survive this.

           I woke up in the middle of the night.

           There it was again.

           It took my mind some time to sort out that it was Naruto, sniffing long and slowly.

           “Naruto,” I said, touching his shoulder.  He was on his side, facing away from me.

           “Go back to sleep, love,” he said, his voice shaking.

           “Naruto,” I repeated, pulling more forcefully on his shoulder so he’d roll over.

           He looked at me with bleary eyes.

           I felt like the shittiest person alive.

 - 12 -

             I sucked on my third cigarette of the session, while Naruto stared out the window.

           “You two are really lame,” Maiko finally said.

           “Are we boring you?” I asked.

           “Yeah, pretty much.”

           I shrugged.

           “Ugh,” Naruto said.

           I ignored him.

           “This seems really healthy,” Maiko commented.

           “We’re fine,” I said.

           “We’re okay,” Naruto said with a tilt of his head.

           “I’m convinced,” Maiko said, rolling her eyes.  “Did anyone tell you that you both look like shit?”

           “Hey, everyone keeps saying how much happier I look,” Naruto protested.

           “You look… lighter,” I agreed.  “But you look like you’re not sleeping.  Because you’re not.”

           “I sleep!”

           “After you stay up half the night crying.”

           “I don’t cry!”

           I stared at him. It was always easier to confront each other at therapy.

           “I…” Naruto trailed off, turning back to the window.  “I’m having a hard time, okay?”

           “Then stop acting like you’re not,” I muttered.

           “You’re having a hard time, too.”

           “Yeah, and everyone knows it,” I said with a shrug.

           “Stop shrugginggggg,” he complained.

           I shrugged.

           “You did that on purpose.”

           I shrugged again.

           “Do you see what I have to put up with?” Naruto complained, turning to Maiko for sympathy.

           “An impeccably handsome partner with a penchant for shrugging at nonsense?” Maiko said.

           “Why do I even come here?” Naruto muttered.

           “So we can work through our problems,” I said, nudging him.

           Naruto sighed, reaching his arm over the back of my chair.

           “You’re doing the same thing you did when I…”

           “Ran away?” he concluded for me.

           “Yeah.”

           “I know,” he said, pressing his lips to my cheek.  “I’m sorry.”

           I shook my head. “What are you apologizing before? This is all because of me.”

           “Is it, though?”

           I already knew that Naruto was blaming himself, but hearing him allude to it out loud stung. “Yes.  Of course it is.”

           “I should have-”

           “No.”

           “But I didn’t even-”

           “No.”

           “Sasuke, let Naruto speak,” Maiko interrupted.

           “I already know what he’s going to say.”

           “Well maybe he needs to say it.”

           “Yeah, Sasuke, maybe I need to say it,” Naruto mumbled, tugging on my sleeve to get me to look at him.

           I did.

           “I should have known better,” he said quietly.  “I mean, you actually fucking told me that you were a drug addict, and I just ignored it.”

           “I wasn’t being serious.”

           “You were being serious. You’re always serious.  Uchihas don’t joke, and all that.”

           “Naruto.”

           “I should have said something.  I should have done something.  I should have fucking noticed.  I mean, god, even Jugo and Karin noticed.  I’m supposed to be the person who knows you best, and I couldn’t even see you drowning.”

           “You noticed,” I said with a shrug.

           I felt his arm tense around my shoulder.

           “You kept saying things, you said I was spiraling.”

           “Yeah, but I didn’t know how bad it was.”

           “Because I didn’t let you know.”

           “But-”

           “Do I have to keep listening to this?” I complained to Maiko.

           “If you love and respect Naruto, it’d be nice, yeah.”

           I leaned my head back tiredly.

           “Sasuke, I’m not… I don’t know.  I guess the point is that I should have been there for you, and instead I was off chasing the Covenant.”

           “It’s not your job to hold me together.”

           “Maybe it’s not my job, but it’s like my hobby.”

           I looked at him.

           He grinned.

           “You can’t blame yourself for the stupid things I do,” I said, rubbing at the tension in my eyes. “I stopped taking my medications. I started smoking opium every day. I hurt Karin.  All of that has nothing to do with you, and when you try to blame yourself for it, it makes me feel even worse.  So stop already.”

           “It’s not that easy,” Naruto said, giving me a rueful smile.

           “I do wish you were home more,” I finally said.  “But even if you were, it wouldn’t have changed what happened.  The second I started thinking that I was in control… I’ll never be in control.”

           “I don’t agree with that.”

           “Well it’s the truth.”

           Naruto leaned into me, and I put my arm around him.  “I wish I could make things better for you,” he murmured.

           “It doesn’t work that way.”

           “I know.”

           I squeezed his shoulder. “Stop carrying the world on your shoulders.”

           “If I don’t, then who will?”

           “Narcissist.”

           “No.  Nuh-uh.  You do not get to call me a narcissist, you self-loving jerk.”

           “At least you’re not being boring anymore, but you’re kind of being ridiculous,” Maiko put in.

           “How… what…  You are not being a good therapist!” Naruto complained.

           “I’m a fantastic therapist,” Maiko said.

           “Then therapize!”

           “Okay,” she said with a shrug.  “You two have certain behavioral patterns that you keep repeating.  Maybe you should try not doing that anymore.”

           “You are the WORST THERAPIST!” Naruto yelled in his way that wasn’t really angry and just seemed comical, except it was in my ear.

           I elbowed him.

           “OW!”

           “Baby,” I muttered.

           “I’m gonna pretend that you mean that in the cute boyfriend way.”

           “You keep living in your delusional little world,” I said.

           “Thank you, I will,” he said, pulling me towards him and smooching my cheek.

           “Are you listening to what Maiko’s saying?” I asked, feeling myself getting sucked in closer to him.

           “Blah blah blah, figure out your own problems and then pay me for not doing anything.”

           “Damn, you’ve figured me out,” Maiko said with a grin.

           “Why don’t you just tell us about our bad behavior patterns so we can all go home early?” Naruto suggested.

           “The journey is more important than the answer.”

           “Stop being vague!  Nothing you say means anything!”

           I could tell that Maiko was having a grand time, and Naruto loved getting riled up, but I actually wanted to talk about our problems for once instead of everyone just joking around.  “Everything is going well, and then I stop taking my medications because I think I don’t need them anymore.”

           “See, Sasuke gets it,” Maiko said.  “So what do you do, Naruto?”

           “I don’t know, why don’t you just tell me?  Or is it that you don’t know and just expect me to do your work for you?!”

           “You put the whole world on your shoulders and think that you have to save everyone,” I said.

           “Sasuke, you have to let him think it out for himself a little.”

           “He’s too stupid, and I’d like to hurry this along.”

           “Rude,” Naruto growled, pulling away from me.

           “Okay, then.  I use insults to distance myself from showing how much I care about the idiot.”

           “Oh, Sasuke, you are just so delightfully self-aware,” Maiko said.  “And yet you never change any of your behaviors despite understanding perfectly why they’re not right.”

           “Because I’m a horrible person.”

           Maiko and Naruto looked at each other, then suddenly both rolled their eyes.

           I did not like this new alliance.

           “Naruto, what do you think about what Sasuke’s saying?”

           He scrunched up his brow.  “Whaddya mean?”

           “You’ve heard him say that he stops taking his meds because he thinks he doesn’t need them anymore, and that he insults you so that he doesn’t have to admit how much he loves you.  How does that make you feel?”

           “You’re using fake psychobabble again,” Naruto said.  “But I guess it makes me… I dunno.”

           “Good talk,” Maiko said.  “We’ve only got five more minutes, you know.”

           “What am I supposed to say?” Naruto muttered, scratching at the back of his neck.

           “Something,” I said, kicked his chair.

           “I love you?” he offered, giving me doe eyes.

           I glared at him.

           “I do, though,” he said quietly.  “I guess when you go off your meds, I feel kind of lost?”

           “That’s a good start,” Maiko encouraged.

           “Okay, so it’s like I don’t know what I should do,” Naruto continued, getting warmed up.  “I can’t tell you to take them, ’cause that’ll just piss you off and make sure that you never take them again.  And it’s not like…  I dunno, I kind of like you off of your meds?  Minus the instability and insanity.  But I feel like I’m trapped?  I don’t know.  So then I bury myself in my work, ’cause I don’t know how to help you?  Is that what I do?”

           “I don’t know, is it?” Maiko asked.

           Naruto turned to me pathetically.

           I took pity on him.  “There’s no right answer, Nar’.  I just want us to not… make the same mistakes over and over.  I don’t want to keep doing this to you.”

           I found myself being pulled over the arm of my chair, into Naruto’s chair.  He needed physical reassurance, so I bumped my forehead to his, looking into his eyes.

           “I don’t want to keep letting you down,” he said.

           “Oh, boy, look at this Hallmark moment.”

           We both turned to glare at Maiko.

           “No, you’re both getting sappy and all ‘this is my fault’, ‘no, no, this is all my fault’, ‘no, no it’s me’, and you really need to stop that shit.”

           I went back to my chair, but we were still holding hands. We really were the grossest couple, and I simultaneously did not mind it and thought it horrific.  “That’s exactly what I don’t want,” I said.

           Naruto tilted his head towards me.

           “What’s that?” Maiko asked.

           “For Naruto to keep blaming himself for this.”

           “Naruto, do you blame yourself?” she asked directly.

           “Yeah, of course,” he said, rubbing his thumb over the back of my hand over and over.

           “That’s so stupid,” I said.

           Naruto made a face at me.

           I thought he might sleep that night, but of course he didn’t.

           “Baby, why’re you up?” I complained, pawing at him.

           “You’re so cute when you’re half-asleep,” he said, a laugh in his voice.  He touched my head, still sitting up.

           “Come back here,” I growled.

           “Can’t sleep.”

           “Who said anything ’bout sleepin’?”

           “Oh, are you seducing me?”

           “Iono, is it working?”

           “Crap, you are so cute right now.”

           “I’m not cute, I’m sexy.”

           Naruto laughed at me.

           I was starting to wake up, so now I was mad.

           He finally came back to bed, giving me a smooch.

           I wrapped myself around him, feeling insecure.

           “What’s wrong, love?” he asked, burying his nose in my hair.

           “Nothing…”

           “’Kay.  Wanna have sex?”

           “Better not,” I said, sighing.

           “Your stomach’s still messed up?”

           “Yeah.”

           “I could wear a condom.”

           “First of all, that’s disgusting.”

           “How is it disgusting?  Who cares if I get sh-”

           “Second of all, where the hell are you going to get a condom in the middle of the night?”

           “Borrow one from Karin.”

           “Are you going to give it back?”

           “Get one from Karin.”

           “Ugh.”

           “We could do other stuff.”

           “No,” I said, feeling depressed.

           Naruto pulled me closer.  “We’re gonna get through this.”

           “Yeah.”

           We both stayed awake into the early hours of the morning.

 - 13 -

             The front door opened and closed, and then Naruto was suddenly flopping at my feet, resting his chin on my knee.

           I closed my book, petting his head.  “What’s wrong, puppy?”

           His stormy face suddenly lit up with a smile.

           I didn’t mean to say such stupid things, but they made him happy, so sometimes I let them slip.

           “I missed you,” he murmured, rubbing his cheek against my knee.

           “You’ve only been gone a day.”

           “It was a very long day,” he said, starting to get upset again.

           “Was the raikage mean to you?” I teased.

           “Fuck A,” Naruto muttered.  “Can’t fucking wait for him to step down.”

           “Don’t think his replacement will be any better.”

           “Ugh.  Ughhhhhh.”

           I rubbed behind his ear and watched his leg twitch.  I half-smiled.  “Are you going to say anything comprehensible?”

           He looked up at me with big blue eyes.  “It doesn’t matter.  They’re assholes.”

           “So it was about me?”

           Naruto sighed.  “They think you’re dangerous.”

           “I am dangerous.”

           “Yeah, but like they think you’re out-of-control, out-of-your-mind dangerous.”

           “I’m also both of those things.”

           “No, you’re not,” he said, voice getting firm.

           I shrugged.

           “I trust you again,” he said, staring up at me.

           “Thank you,” I said, a little knot catching in my throat.

           “I do,” he reiterated.

           I looked away from him.

           “Let’s go to bed,” he finally said, standing up. “It’s late.  Were you waiting up for me?”

           I nodded, letting him pull me to my feet.  I reached back for my book to take upstairs with us.

           Naruto stopped in the kitchen for a glass of water, and knocked back a sleeping pill.

           We went up to bed, Naruto resting his head on my lap while I read.  I listened to his breathing even out.  When I was sure that he was asleep, I put my book on the nightstand and turned the light off.

           It had been a couple of months since I’d come home, and things finally felt like they were going back to normal.  By that I mean that life was no longer completely awkward.

           I pressed my back to Naruto’s, falling asleep.  I proceeded to sleep for the next twelve hours, only to be rudely awakened by Mari and Ao yelling at me about something that I couldn’t be bothered to listen to.

           “Are you listening to me?!” Ao shrieked.

           “Not at all,” I said, pulling the blanket over my head.

           “Sasuke!” Mari yelled, jumping up and down on the mattress.

           “I’m trying to sleep,” I growled.

           “You can’t sleep forever!”

           “I can damn well try.”

           “Baby, can you get up and help me, please?” came Naruto’s voice.

           I peeked out of the blanket.

           Mari was bouncing in front of me, while Ao was looming with her arms crossed.  Naruto was behind them, wearing an apron and looking frazzled.

           “It’s early,” I complained.

           “Yeah, I know, sorry,” Naruto said.

           “It’s lunch time, you zombie!” Ao exclaimed.  She was new and not used to my marathon sleeping.

           I climbed out of bed crankily.  “What’re you three doing?”  Then I really looked at Naruto, and realized that his arm was attached to his apron with colorful-looking string.

           “Macramé!” Mari and Ao said cheerfully.

           “Macramé,” Naruto said glumly.

           “Why are you teaching them macramé?” I muttered, pulling on a sweatshirt and following them down the stairs.  “Where’s Jugo?”

           “Jugo-sensei took the little kids for a nature walk,” Mari explained helpfully.

           “They have to learn macramé for the new home ec curriculum,” Naruto said.  “And I thought, ‘how hard could it be?’”

           I pulled him towards me by the front of his apron, half-smiling while I freed his arm with a kunai.

           He gave me puppy eyes.

           “Pathetic,” I said, kissing his nose.

           “Jun’s still trying in the living room,” Ao said, tugging me away.

           Jun was sitting on the floor, colored threads strewn around him while he played a handheld game.

           “Cigarette,” I said, holding my hand out.

           Mari handed me one, and Ao lit it.

           “What are you teaching these kids?” Naruto growled, smacking me on the butt.

           “Good manners,” I said, raising an eyebrow at him while I took a drag.  “Okay, let’s try this from the beginning.  Do you even have an anchor?”

           “What’s an anchor?” Mari asked.

           I eyed Naruto.

           He batted his eyes at me.

           “The literal beginning then,” I said, wondering how I’d suddenly become the resident expert in macramé.  Naruto and the kids sat in a circle on the floor around me and studiously listened to my instruction.

           They all did a passable job, so I made them cookies while they finished up.

           “What grade do I get?” Naruto asked, putting his hideous orange and purple bracelet on my wrist.

           “Mediocre,” I said, eyeing it like it smelled bad.

           “Well, it’s our new engagement bracelet.”

           “We’re already married.”

           “I’m renewing our vows.”

           “With this?” I asked, shaking my wrist at him.

           “I made it with love.”

           I rolled my eyes and took a cookie off of the cooling rack, stuffing it in his mouth.

           “Mum,” Naruto said with his mouth full.

           I patted his head and moved to look back on the three kids.

           Ao and Jun both held up their mostly finished bracelets, while Mari held up her small purse.

           I looked over them all carefully before assessing, “Good.”

           The three beamed.

           We sat at the table and ate cookies.

           “Why do you know how to macramé?” Naruto asked, eating more than his fair share of cookies.

           I swirled my sharingan at him.

           “Okay, but when would you ever see someone just making macramé?”

           “Why do you know how to bake so well?”

           “Well, there was this old granny in the Land of Wind-”

           “Exactly.”

           “Baking is more common than weird forms of knitting.”

           “Shut up and eat your cookies.”

           “Rude.”

           “So sorry.”

           “I’m going to accept that despite how sarcastic you sound.”

           “Thank you.”

           “Do you two ever stop fighting?” Ao asked, stealing a cookie from right in front of Naruto.

           “We’re not fighting, we’re communicating,” I explained.

           Naruto was too busy pouting over his lost cookie.

           When Jugo came back, he offered to take the kids out to play.

           Naruto and I watched them all go off into the desert from the doorway.

           “You’re a good daddy, you know,” Naruto said, leaning his cheek on my shoulder.

           “I’m not anyone’s father.”

           “Okay, but you’re a father figure.  And you’re good at it.  All stern and gruff, but gently offering encouragement when needed.  Very masterful stuff.”

           “What are you even talking about?”

           “I love the way you are with the kids when you’re not high or drunk or hungover or crazy.”

           “So, 5 percent of the time?”

           “Sasuke.”

           “Are you grabbing my ass while trying to have a serious conversation with me?”

           “A little bit, yeah.  Sorry.”

           “Are you now grabbing it with both hands?”

           “Yeah, uh… have I told you that your ass looks fantastic lately? Because seriously.  Damn, baby.  You’re lookin’ good.”

           I levelled him with a stare.

           “Not to say that your butt doesn’t always look fantastic. Besides the times that you’re all skinny and sickly-looking, and it gets all boney.  Which is cute in its own way.  But you know.  I like it a little thick and juicy.  And right now… yeah.”

           “Are you trying to tell me that I’m getting fat?”

           “NO!  Well, yeah, a little, but in a good way.”

           I moved away from him abruptly, kicked him out the door, and slammed it shut, clicking the lock into place.

           Of course, he just used his father’s damn transporting technique to get into the bedroom ahead of me.

           I frowned at him.

           “Sasuke, you’re not fat at all, come on,” he complained. “But you gotta admit, you’ve been getting a little soft around the edges-”

           “It’s the medication!” I snapped.

           “-and it’s super freakin’ sexy, and I would hit that in a minute.”

           “Why do you talk?  At all?  You should just stop doing it permanently.”

           “You like it when I talk.”

           “I most certainly do not.”

           He pinned me against the wall.  “You do.”

           I reversed our positions.  “Do not.”

           Naruto responded by grabbing my ass again.

           “Are you a child?” I asked, exasperated.

           “Nope, these are definitely the opposite of childish thoughts,” he hummed, working himself up to a good fondle.

           “Do you like me again?” I asked.  I didn’t mean to sound so pathetic.

           He paused in his sexual harassment, but his hands were still resting there lightly.  “Do I make you feel like I don’t like you?”

           “No,” I lied.

           Naruto bumped his nose to mine.

           I pressed him more firmly against the wall, closing my eyes. I wanted to put it into words, but I didn’t know how.

           Naruto changed his hold to a hug.  “Things are okay between us, right?”

           “Are they?”

           “Things are good on my end.  I mean, I was about to tear your clothes off five seconds ago...”

           “Great, you want to fuck my fat ass.”

           “Love, come on.  God, you’re vain.  You’re gorgeous.  You’re the most handsome guy I have ever seen in my life.  You’ve gained what, ten, fifteen pounds?  And you’re still the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen in my life.  In fact, your sexiness rating has skyrocketed.  You are at like max attractiveness right now.”

           “Go date Chouji.”

           “Ughhh, yooooou,” he said, squishing my face.  “What are you upset about?  Be clear.”

           “Nothing,” I mumbled.  “Nothing, really.  I’m happy.”

           Naruto laughed at that, a sharp burst.  “That sounded believable.”

           “I just don’t understand why you stay with me,” I finally said.

           “Your self-esteem is low today,” he commented, grabbing my butt again.  “Are you actually worried about the weight you’ve been gaining?  I thought you’d be more worried about that acne you’re hiding with a henge.”

           “Die in a fire.”

           “See, you stay with me even though I always say the wrong thing.  We both have our faults.  We both accept each other.  It’s all really nice and beautiful.”

           “Naruto.”

           He looked at me, eyes probing.  “Sasuke, love.  We’re okay. Right?”

           I nodded, keeping him pinned to the wall.  It felt safer.

           “I loved watching you with the kids earlier,” he said quietly. “Just reminded me how much I love you.”

           “Why does dumb shit like that make you love me?”

           Naruto made a face at me.

          “This bracelet is hideous,” I added, flexing my wrist where my hand rested against the wall over his shoulder.

           “Now, see,” Naruto said, backing me up.  “I loved you with the kids, but you were a complete jerk to me.  And you’re still being a jerk to me, even when I’m trying to cheer you up.”

           “How was I a jerk to you?” I asked, getting defensive.

           He backed me up some more, and I let him.  “Because you were patient with them, and offered them advice and stuff on their projects, but you just kept insulting me and telling me that everything I did was terrible.”

           “It was terrible.”

           “Sasuke.”

           I sighed.  “I don’t know how to be nice to you.”

           “You’re nice to me sometimes.  When we’re alone.  And you’re orgasming.”

           I gave him a look.

           Naruto turned us around, sitting on the bed.

           I stood between his thighs, looking down at him.

           “I’m not trying to pick a fight.  I told you we’re okay.  It’s just… you know.  Something to think about,” he said, taking my right hand and kissing the back.

           “We keep having the same fights…”

           “We’re not fighting.”

           “Naruto.”

           “What?”

           I threw my hands up in the air and yelled.

           He blinked slowly.  “You okay there?”

           “No!”

           He watched me quietly, waiting.

           “I’m not… good enough… for you…” I said slowly.

           “Sas-”

           “All I do is bring you down, and you’re the fucking sun. I’m blacking out the fucking sun.”

           “Sas-”

           “Just leave me, Naruto, please.  Get rid of me.  Throw me in the trash where I belong.”

           “No.”

           “What the hell do you mean, ‘no’?”

           “Don’t wanna.”

           “Idiot,” I said, hitting him in the chest with my fist. “Then I’ll leave.”

           He had me on the floor before I’d even finished speaking. “You don’t do that.  You don’t threaten me like that.  You do not.  If you want to leave, then we can talk about it, but you don’t just…  You don’t just…”

           I cradled his crying face against my chest, staring up at the ceiling.  We were drowning each other.  It was time, I decided.  I had to leave for a while and see the world again.  “I’ll come back,” I whispered.

           Of course there’d be obstacles.  It wasn’t exactly a good time for me to be travelling in a world full of drugs and alcohol.  I was far from stable.  And I looked like shit, no matter what Naruto tried to say.

           “We’ll meet at Orochimaru’s in six months,” I said a month later as I shouldered my bag.

           “That’s such a long time,” Naruto complained, leaning over Mari so he could kiss my cheek.

           Mari stuck her tongue out at him.  “Sasuke’s gonna be all mine, all that time.”

           “Yeah, have fun with that,” Naruto said, not offering up any jealousy to appease her.  “You’re gonna have to drag him out of his sleeping bag every morning, make his coffee, fight with him to take all his meds, drag him away from the bars, rub his back when he has nightmares-”

           “I’m not doing any of that,” Mari said flatly.  “He can make coffee for me.”

           “That’s right, Mari-darling, fight the patriarchy,” Karin said, patting her on the shoulder.  “If Sasuke’s too much of a princess, just get Jugo to take care of it.”

           Mari nodded solemnly.

           I scowled at Karin as she went in for a hug.  She hugged me anyway.  “If you need anything, you send a messenger.”

           “You, too,” I said, touching her shoulder begrudgingly.

           “Why you touchin’ my woman?” Suigetsu said, punching me in the shoulder.

           “You’re admitting she’s yours?” I asked, raising an eyebrow.

           “Crap.”

           “We’re going now.”

           “Mari!” Ao cried, throwing herself at the older girl.

           “Sasuke-sensei,” Jun said, giving me a firm handshake.

           “I miss you,” little Yuka said, eyes all watery. Naruto had found an adoptive family for her, so she probably would be gone by the time I got back.

           We started off.

           We weren’t on some epic journey.  I wasn’t even completely sure where we were going.

           Mari curled her fingers in mine as Jugo moved ahead, leading the way.

           “It’s a nice day,” Jugo commented.  A bird landed on his shoulder.

           I glanced back at the kids and Naruto, all still standing in front of the house, waving.  I waved once, then straightened up.  “Yeah, it is,” I agreed.

           “That’s the nicest thing I’ve ever heard you say,” Mari said with a snort.

           “Try and keep up, runt,” I said, picking her up and leaping into the sky in a blur of motion.

           Mari shrieked excitedly, and the three of us pushed forward, losing sight of the house.