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[shepscapades]

[Part 1] [PART 2] [Part 3]

The unexpected return of a face Xisuma never thought he'd see again.

[roorreer]

Something something. Making Solas a liar in Veilguard actively brings back a problem they fixed working on Inquisition.

On December 20 2019 VGS posted an interview with Trick Weekes about their work on Solas. This whole sentence is a link so its large enough for mobile but also disclaimer this is before they changed their name so deadname warning.

Here's a transcription I found here which is where i took the screenshots above. Since I know not everyone has 40 minutes to listen to an online radio interview.

I however highlighted the main point since most of you are not reading the screenshots anyway but skimming through. Rant under Read-more. Also bc i try to not be too negative on people's dashs but also i wanna ramble some more.

"But he lied a lot more. And it really weakened his character."

You can tell this happened during the game. Solas lies only once within Inquisition. He says something he can't be vague about and you push him so he lies, badly. He usually tells the truth vaguely. Typically Solas lies no more than Blackwall.

I fully believe that if in Inquisition your inquisitor figured out that Solas was Fen’harel and asked him bluntly to his face he'd confess. He might even be impressed. But why would you ever start to think that. No one assumes that their coworker is actually Poseidon regardless of how much they love the beach and ocean.

He hides in your expectations.

You can't ask him about being an ancient elf or being Fen'harel of myth because those aren't very probable. They're astronomically low to be truth within that universe. And outside, no one finished DA2 and went i wonder if one of our next companions is the Dread Wolf. Sera said, impossible things can't be surprises. He doesn't have to lie so when the truth comes out it's becomes obvious on a second playthrough.

They then actively bring back a problem they fixed in Inquisitions development. That they were open about fixing. That having a character that outright lies to you makes you have no intention of even hearing out the character. It retroactively undercuts Inquisition bc i see people trying to find Solas' lies in it when they aren't going to find any beyond the court intrigue.

It undercuts any lore we do get from Solas bc people dismiss it outright as being a lie from Mr "I abhor blood magic". I feel like shaking people's shoulders like no, dont do it.

They retconned him guys i have proof from 2019.

And its like if you hate Solas is this even satisfying? Like that's not Solas. His motivations are gone (that's a whole other post) and so is his core personality trait. It's like they went here's the Dreadwolf but during the ten years they replaced the smug asshole who was insufferably right with a 20 yo senior chihuahua that doesnt have any teeth.

My favorite villains are those that tell the truth. Because nothing hurts more than the truth. Can you imagine if he told you the truth. If he told you horrible things that you dismissed as lies to only be true. Wouldn't Varric’s death have more weight if he told you Varric was dead only for you - for everyone - to see him in the Lighthouse. If it was a spirit who took his shape to help you or even because it saw something worth reflecting in your memories.

So you dismiss him until it's revealed near the end oh he was telling the truth and you have an oh shit maybe he was right about other things but its too late to try and stop any of the truths he told you which could be from allies/companions betraying to stuff about Ghilan'nain and Elgarnan.

Like the only way to redeem Solas was to listen to him and by going out of your way to address problems he sees and you can find the alternative to tearing down the Veil by a series a little puzzle pieces throughout the game.

Have it be he will only listen to you if you listen to him. That he'll reject your other solution bc why the hell would he trust you if you couldnt extend the same.

Like Solas couldve been a great villian and he should've been great for both the haters and those that liked him. Not only the romance but for those who became his friend. Like i keep coming back to if i hated Solas would i be satisfied with Veilguard.

And the answer is no because that isnt Solas.

Tricking him has no weight bc he's an idiot in Veilguard like not even in the ending bc doesn't notice you switch the dagger around like right in front of him but none of his actions make sense. Ppl have mentioned the regret prison makes no sense for Elgarnan and Ghilan'nain bc they don't have regrets.

Attacking Solas has no weight because he literally needs the shit kicked out of him by a dragon for it to even begin to work. They literally need him to be at deaths door before its realistic that Rook could take him in a fight.

Redeem has no weight bc of the massive retcons to his motivations. They had to retcon the post credits scene bc even if Flemythal went hey i don't want you to do this Dai Solas wouldve went okay but that doesnt solve my other problems with the veil including the corruption of spirits and the fact its in literal shambles so i guess is still coming down.

I'm just disappointed. By the end of Trespasser they had a great villian and they just tossed it to the side and reverted him and people are arguing about a character who's sole defining trait in Veilguard is a problem they solved before Inquisition launched.

Basically we can sum it up with a screenshot.

[quirkle2]

ms paint with mouse time

[bottomstolove]

@faehir

It's with an annoyingly painful throbbing ache to the back of his head that Francis slowly came to, a soft hiss passing his lips. For several long moments, he couldn't remember what had happened, what might've possibly caused this, only incomprehensible bits and pieces of memories flashing behind his eyes - with the exception of an oddly familiar voice right by his side, echoing in his ears.

Francis brows furrowed. Someone had been with him when it - whatever it was - had happened. A person he knew. Who--

The blonde wasn't giving much more time to ponder the question, to piece his memories together, before heavy steps approached and something was yanked away from his eyes and off of his head. The light suddenly assaulting his vision made Francis wince, blinking past the sparks of white in his eyes in an attempt to get a look at his supposed captor. He wasn't given much of a chance for that, though, as those footsteps disappeared through a door that closed with a loud clang.

A subordinate, then...?

Francis sighed, raising his head to finally glance around the room as well as take stock of his body. Exhaustion, of course, a possible concussion, hands handcuffed behind his back--

--and a very familiar face meeting his eyes, his own widening in surprise.

"Mori...?"

[asperants]

not very fabumouse

With your newfound size come newfound troubles with logistics, in particular: how does one get around when you’re as tall as a thumb? The world itself is as grand as it’s ever been. There are, however, those among you who will no doubt see your fresh perspective as an opportunity. After all, how often is it you get a chance to ride a bird, a rabbit, or a squirrel? [ Grants Riding/Flying +1]  

It’s after tying the tenth napkin together and still not being able to grapple up the tablecloth that Hortensia finally snaps. She had been doing so, so well too she thought with the sudden magical transformations and the nearly getting stepped on all over by people (literally!) and that was, of course, in great part due to Lachesis. The lady of Nordion was exactly the type of person Hortensia aspired to be – gracious, noble, and gorgeous to boot!

It was a real shame they had both eaten that stew… especially now when after a day of running around they could hardly find anything else to fill them up as hungry as they were. It wasn’t as if they could just yell up at the cook on duty either, otherwise their lives would be a lot easier.

“I give up…” Hortensia sighs, slumping against a chair leg despite her earlier fears of being trampled. Everyone was sitting down to dinner now, anyway, so if they took a break who could blame them?

“Maybe there’s something in the Greenhouse? Oh, but walking all the way over there makes me feel like I want to cry!”

Garreg Mach was large enough as a normal sized human! Getting around as they were now… it took hours.

Hortensia glances up then just as part of a buttery slice of bread comes fluttering down from the tablecloth above. She’s about to thank all of Fodlan’s gods and saints when ew a horrible giant (actually normal sized, but wow) mouse comes charging her way!

“Oh, no, you don’t,” Hortensia says, raising a hand in hopes that even pint-sized magic might come to her, “that’s ours, buddy! Get your own!”

(Ivy can never hear about this. What she’s been… reduced to.)

@lionheartedsunflower

[atlaswestwood]

for: @artuswestwood location: garond hospital after the attacks

The day had come, it was time to go home now that their magic was starting to come back. Atlas had packed their bags, talked to the nurses about after care and who would be taking care of them though she didn't have an answer for that. Now that they were dressed and ready, they sat on the bed and took in the space. Some part of Atlas would miss it because it had been safe here and her regular haunts didn't seem safe anymore.

There was a quiet knock on the door and Atlas looked up to see their brother standing there in the door way. For a few moments, they didn't say anything but then they were rushing forard, arms wrapping around his neck. "Artus!" There was a relief that came with being in her brother's arms, he had always been the protector, though a less fearful one than their father.

"What are you doing here? I thought you'd be busy filming or something, anything is more fun than hospitals."

[disposablelover]

Starter for @dxsole [Yeva & Kidd]

Yeva had just gotten back from a modelling show in Milan and was thankful to be back home. She could finally eat all the carbs she desired without anyone giving her dirty looks which she was thankful for. She went to a local café that made their own doughnuts in house.

The weather was dreary, the rain drizzling down and the clouds dark threatening lightening along with the thunder. She figured she'd better hurry if she wanted to catch them before close.

She pulled on her raincoat, grabbing an umbrellas before she slipped on her boots and headed on her way. The café wasn't a long walk from her apartment thankfully. She was nearly splashed by a few rude drivers but soon she had made it to the door and breathed a sigh of relief as she pushed it open and the warm air smelling of espresso and cocoa greeted her.

As she stood in line, she glanced around at the individuals taking shelter from the storm, some soaked, some not. She noticed a young man seemingly having issues at the counter as he was talking with the cashier although she hated to be rude an interrupt she did notice the patrons in front of her growing frustrated. She excused herself as she moved through the line.

The cashier seemed to be frustrated to as they were talking rudely to them as they asked for payment, the person in line seemed confused.

"Hi... sorry to intrude... but if you don't mind. I could pay for you?" She offered, feeling like it was the easiest solution, plus she didn't mind in the slightest. She would have hoped most people would do the same, but often that wasn't the case. She took out her wallet, grabbing some cash and setting it down, hoping it was enough.

[indulgnces]

who: luke duchannes ( @shredtcpestry )

where: fall festival, carnival games.

Stopping by the fall festival had become a favorite pastime for James. What could she say? She was a sucker for the vibes and ambiance — plus there was something about the novelty of carnival food that was strangely addictive (in the worst ways possible). She especially enjoyed it when she spotted friendly faces, like she did now. "So if I said I wanted one of those," she started in lieu of a traditional greeting as she neared Luke, her finger pointing at the first giant stuffed animal she saw, "what would you do?"

[springbreezc]

♡ — closed starter for @lyswrite | based note: made with beta

dressing in front of them doesn't cause jeb to even blink an eye, so accustomed to sharing the same space. living together with his ex came with its issues, but it didn't suddenly make him shy. the sun peeking through the curtains had been what woke him up, having collapsed on the couch the night before after his shift. "you have plans tonight, right?" he posed the question to the other as if he didn't actually remember that they had a hot date planned. "do you need me to stay out of the apartment for awhile or if things go well, is the plan to go back to their place?"

[yowumi]

Hotshot surgeon Gojo x Medical Student Reader Ft. Hotshot Surgeon Suguru [ modern au ] TW. Pregnancy & Love Triangle

shotgun wedding CH. 02 | Diagnosis

summary. Satoru Gojo, The states #1 Neurosurgeon, known for his wealthy clan. He was known for his success, parties, and his willingness to fuck anybody and everybody in a 10 mile radius. Unfortunately, one unlucky night, you make the wise decision to do what any hard working young medical student would do when faced with a sexy doctor…you sleep with him in which changes your life forever.

.

.

.

warnings. Accidental pregnancy, no protection (wrap it before you tap it), love triangle, roommates (they all live together), arranged marriage, satoru is a bit of a meanie, plot twists, angst, smut, you only end up with one.

A/N. this is my first time writing a fanfic, although i’ve always wanted to! i’m always open to take constructive criticism or any tips to make my writing better! I hope you guys enjoy and definitely lemme know if you have any suggestions, read well luv <3

keep up! // ch. 1 // ch. 2 // ch. 3 (coming soon)

─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ─── ─── ⋆⋅ ♰ ⋅⋆ ───

getting used to Satoru’s house wasn’t easy, for all the woman dreaming to be feet away from him at all times should think again.

one of the major problems was the noise. he must have some type of superhuman strength on his dick or something because whenever he was home, he was using it like there was no tomorrow.

from the room over you could hear the moans from the room across the hall, soft chants almost religious screaming ‘Satoru’ and lewd comments you wish you had forgotten.

on top of that, he hated wearing clothes around the house. his poor maid is probably traumatized from the things she has seen because he is allergic to clothes when he’s at home, constantly walking around shirtless or in his boxers.

just the second day in, the creek of his door was open and you caught a glimpse of his bare ass just out in the open.

never in your life did you think a man’s ass would look edible…

although, not even Hercules himself could get that information out of you.

Suguru on the other hand was a great house mate, constantly cleaning up behind you, offering to cook for you and do your laundry.

he didn’t make noise and wouldn’t bring woman home, although he definitely used to considering satoru’s life concerning comments on how suguru has changed his habits of being a man whore since you’ve moved in.

“I wouldn’t want to cause noise for the woman, she doesn’t need more extra stress, she already has to deal with you as the baby father, satoru” he grins at his cheeky remark as satoru pouts.

one thing you couldn’t complain about though was how spacious and comfortable everything was in the house. it was no secret satoru was rich and came from money but seeing his wealth in person almost felt overwhelming.

you wake up to vomiting once again, the whole stress of the situation now has been a bit overwhelming and you can’t deny pregnancy is taking a toll on you.

your maid is holding back your hair as you vomit straight into the toilet, perhaps maybe it was from all that thinking of satoru.

“Ms. Y/n L/N, Mr. Geto has suggested you stay home from work until you feel better” she says while patting a hand on your back comfortingly.

“I should be fine, it’s nothing i can’t handle and besides, i’m in a hospital so if push comes to shove, i’m in the same building as the two of them, although i doubt anything horrible would happen. it’s nothing more than pregnancy sickness” you say reassuring her seeing the worry across her face.

you give her a comforting smile and she seems to relax just a bit.

“hey, you’ve worked her for quite some time right?” you ask

she replies with a nod, “yes ma’am”

“well…i have some concerns, i don’t know satoru or geto too well before all of this and i would like to know your thoughts on them, they are obviously playing a huge role in my life now that i’m carrying satorus child and staying here, i would just like another persons opinion on who they really are.”

she pauses for a second almost surprised you would ask her that question out of all people but to be fair, you didn’t have much options to choose from, it was either her or megumi.

[ megumi would have said to run for the hills ]

“well, i was hired by satoru when he was just barely an adult so i would have known him for about a decade by now, but my personal opinion is that he really does mean well, he’s a good person and has a big heart, he can be a handful but he means well deep down, to be fair, he is letting you stay in his house rent free-“ she catches herself in what she’s saying and she lets out a gasp,

“oh i’m so sorry miss! i didn’t mean to offend you or anything-“ she starts apologizing frantically as she bows down in apology.

you giggle at her motions and stop her from bowing “haha it’s okay, i suppose you do have a point”

she blushes at your understanding of her behavior, “when i first moved her, i didn’t have much money and made my living off of being a maid, i’ve dealt with many house owners but satoru is by far the most generous. he has helped me pay for my child’s schooling and has helped me more times i could count, i don’t know what kind of father he will be or person he will be towards you but i know he will try his best at whatever it is you need him to be…for you and your child.” she says giving you a light hearted smile, you can tell she truly means what she says.

“and suguru…?” you almost forgot, you almost feel embarrassed asking about him. after all, you didn’t really need to know about him but you were still interested…just as any other person who lives with someone new would be���right?

“oh yes, suguru! he’s a very kind man, he has lived here for about 5 years with satoru, the two seem to get along very well. he’s a generous man and very friendly although it’s hard to see his interior..” she says

“interior?” you ask now curious.

what did that mean?

“well…it’s almost like an empty smile, it’s warm and gentle and it makes you feel welcome but something about him almost feels unreal, like it’s a mask he uses to perhaps hide how really feels. even when him and satoru argue, he seems to keep his good attitude but it makes you wonder what’s really going on, you know?” she is now seeing the worry in your face as she says this and continues,

“oh but i’m sure it’s nothing to be worried about, he is a generous man and very helpful, he seems to care about you a lot nonetheless! his intentions seem very pure and kind hearted, i was just stating that he seems like he has more depth underneath his smile” she says patting your hand in comfort and you smile.

you appreciate her advice towards the boys, it almost helps you have a better understanding of the two.

*knock knock

you hear a deep voice echoing behind the door, “mind if i come in”

satoru.

your maid turns towards you looking for your approval and you nod as she opens the door for satoru to come in and he sees you on the bathroom floor.

“is everything alright in here? don’t tell me you’ve thrown up again?” he asks walking closer to bend down to speak to you.

“it’s just morning sickness, i’ll be fine” you say as your maid passes you a glass of water from your nightstand.

“hmmm” is the sound satoru makes as he thinks to himself, “you’re taking the day off today, i’ll let shoko know for you, i’ve gotta go in anyways to sign some stuff anyways” he says making a groaning noise at the mention of signing papers all day.

“yeah yeah i get it dad” you say rolling your eyes as you get up off the floor, satoru offers out his hand so you can use it to help you stand.

“will you be okay for the rest of the day, should i bring you anything back? do you need ibuprofen or something”

“some gummy bears would be nice” you say and he shoots you finger guns as he makes his way towards the gun

“you’ve got it” he says as he makes his way out with a light wave goodbye as he walks out.

a small alarm beeped from your maids watch as she seemed startled by the noise, “oh that’s lunch, i will be back here in the afternoon, if you need anything Mr. Suguru should be home soon, i suggest some rest for now” she says as she sees her way out.

this gave you time to rest up today before going back to work where you’ll have to work up the courage to tell nobara, yuji and megumi about the news.

you’ve been dodging their messages, there was probably about 200 messages from nobara and yuji themselves meanwhile there was no text or anything from megumi.

maybe he was pissed about the whole gojo thing?

after a long needed nap you wake up and the sun is already going down, no sign of gojo or suguru as the house seemed unusually quiet.

you make your way towards the kitchen and scramble for a pot to make yourself dinner on, although it seemed impossible considering satoru had a million cabinets.

you groan as your finding no sight of the pans growing frustrated before a large arm comes up behind you reaching up at one of the top cabinets that you hadn’t even acknowledged until now revealing tons of pans.

you look up and see suguru put on his signature smile as he pushes his long black bangs behind his ear, the rest being held in a bun.

“oh” you say as you look towards the pans like an idiot.

“this what you were looking for?” he says with an amused grin,

you nod and put your head down in embarrassment,

“well go on, get what you need” he leans back with arms against him as he is eager to watch you grab the pan

you then realize how high it was, that dick.

you step on your tippy toes hoping he wouldn’t notice your struggle as he lets out a soft chuckle behind you as you’ve now retorted to climbing the counters.

“you need some help over there?”

“shut up…yes”

he lets out a laugh as he brings the pan down from the cabinet.

“so that dumbass knocked you up, hm? how are you feeling about that?” he asks in a playful tone although the concern was still there.

“oh you mean how much of an honor it is to carry THE satoru gojo’s child is? just amazing, brilliant” you say sarcastically.

before you knew it time flew by in an instant talking to suguru, you guys talked about work, life and satoru.

it was dark out and you both were comfortably sat across from each other of the couch that laid in the middle of the living room, the dim light lit down on the both of you, it felt homely almost.

you and suguru were mid conversation when you heard the chaos coming from the opening front door with a loud drunk satoru with a blonde wrapped around his arm, satoru not paying attention to him nearly leaning his whole body weight on her as they walked in.

they both must have came from some sort of party because they were both dressed in fancy clothing, their outfits had to be worth someone’s house.

satoru stumbles across the kitchen searching for the alcohol in one of the cabinets, “hey suguru, where did we leave that whiskey we got back at that one party shoko threw a few years back”, he stutters over his words.

“left top cabinet above the oven, but go easy on it”

“why? you feeling greedy suguru” satoru says in a teasing tone as he finds his way back towards the woman he walked in with

“perhaps, but shoko said that’s some strong stuff, you get all bratty when your hungover darling” he remarks back at him.

satoru let’s out a laugh

your eyes turn towards the woman he’s s with in which you come eye to eye with as she’s already staring at you, she seems almost disgusted and you feel a sense of intimidation.

you weren’t jealous or anything but it was no secret that you clearly didn’t belong, they were both dressed nicely and suguru’s house clothes themself are well kept meanwhile you look like a mess

you didn’t bother to care since suguru was the only person here but being around satoru just felt…

humiliating.

you’re interrupted by your thoughts when it’s almost as if suguru reads the uncomfortable situation and places a soft comfort hand to your back, rubbing it slowly

you’re brought back by satoru’s voice once again, “hey suguru, wanna join me with this one”

it was like you weren’t even there.

the woman carrying his child and he hasn’t looked at you once let alone acknowledge that you were even in the same room as him.

the woman next to him laughs and gives suguru bedroom eyes, you look towards him to see that his eyes were staring down at his cup with a hint of annoyance as if he was embarrassed by the way satoru is acting as of now

he places a firm hand now still on your back.

“nah. she ain’t my type” he takes a sip of his coffee now grabbing the side of your waist gently, protective like

you see satoru let out a frown before noticing suguru’s hand placement, staring directly at you now.

the first time he has the whole night.

“ahhh i see. hey there” he greets you with a wave,

a wave? why the hell is he greeting you as if he hasn’t seen you before, as if you don’t live in his house, carrying his baby.

satoru continues, “is this one of your girls? damn you must’ve messed her up real bad, she looks a little beat. you alright sweetheart?” he teases but leans down to look at you examining your face.

you look down, not answering him

suguru notices your upset expression and squeezes your hand softly before standing up to look at satoru

“Satoru, why don’t you show your companion the guest house, i’m sure she would find it much more amusing” he says as he starts to lead satoru out of the house

“haha i get it, want some alone time with the lady, i wouldn’t go to hard on her, she already looks worn”

satoru says nothing as he walks them to the door before satoru turns around towards you again, “oh right, where are my manners, nice to meet ya darling”

and he left.

suguru comes back you, now kneeling in front of you

“are you okay, y/n?” he asks looking up at you for any sign of anger or tears

you nod, “yeah, think i’m ready to sleep, night” you say as you get up to walk towards your room without looking back at suguru

that night, as you lay in bed with tears staining your pillows, you wonder how you ended up here.

could you have had a child the right way? with someone you love?

why did the father have to be satoru gojo.

06:25

beep beep

the alarm goes off on your phone, not bothering to scroll down at the concerned messages sent from nobara and yuji.

still nothing from gumi.

today would be the day you would have to face them, still having no clue what to tell them exactly

the morning was quiet, not bothering to talk to anyone as you make your way out in your own vehicle as you go to work.

you are faced with yuji when you walk in, noticing your face he lets out a smile and big wave motioning for you to come his way

“hey yuji” you say as you walk up to him

“hey l/n, where the hell have you been, kugisaki has been like losing her marbles and has been taking her insanity out on me! she hits so hard” he frowns at the thought

you laugh, “sorry i’ve just been really busy lately and it’s a long story but i’ll make sure to explain to all of you when i find the time to sit down and talk with all of you today, that way she doesn’t end up shaving you in your sleep”

yujis eyes widen playfully holding a shushing finger to your mouth, “shhh! you never know when she’s listening, don’t give her ideas!” he says looking around paranoid

you’ve got to admit, you missed hanging out with the gang again, it reminded you that you were still young and distracted you from the fact that you would become a mother soon.

you made small talk with yuji as he caught you up with how things were at the hospital and with the gang,

“how is megumi? has he said anything?” you ask

“surprisingly not, i thought he would’ve made some comment by now about how you ran away to per-sue a life of becoming homeless and popping pills from the stress finally breaking you but he has been unusually quiet!”

“oh, uh-“ you were interrupted by being tapped on the shoulder behind you as you turn around being met face to face with familiar white hair,

asshole.

“hello Mr. Itadori, would you mind if i borrowed Ms. L/N from you?” he gives yuji his signature persuading smile and yuji nods

“yeah sure, my break is about over anyways but nice talking to you y/n- I MEAN UH MS. L/N!!!!” he says as he waves you off and walks away,

you turn your attention to satoru and without a word he grabs your hand to pull you

“where are we going? the hell do you want Gojo!” you ask annoyed

he pulls you aside to an empty closet and locks the door behind him with a key he had in his pants,

“what the fuck satoru? why did you lock us in here?!” you grow angry at his lack of communication.

the anger doesn’t last long because moments later you are faced with the white haired man on his knees now hugging your hips,

“i’m sorry y/n, i’m so sorry. suguru told me what happened last night and i was hammered and wasn’t thinking at all and i’m so fucking sorry, i promise i wont be bringing any of my ‘friends’ to the house anymore.” he says as he catches his breathe, leaning against your stomach leaving a small kiss on your stomach that held his baby.

“i don’t care if you bring your fuck buddies to the house, you’re a grown man, that isn’t my problem” you say not looking at him as you keep your hands to your side,

you were trying your best to keep your composure, satoru has a habit of getting exactly what he wants so his affection wasn’t gonna work on you.

“then why wont you look at me? i know we aren’t together or anything but i mean you’re carrying my child so the least i can do is respect you, and the drinking thing isn’t a thing that happens a lot i swear…i’ve just been a little stressed and worked up because this is all new…”

the way he acted wasn’t okay but you did understand this was a lot, it’s a lot on you too so you couldn’t really blame him for having a drink, you would too if you could.

“It’s okay, satoru” you say helping him get up from his knees so he can stand again and you help him fix his composure and he looks at you with a smile

the smile that could always make you forget how much of a dick head he can be sometimes.

but he meant this one.

his walkie talkie goes off as he hears his co worker stating that he’s needed in for last minute surgery

“gotta go” he says as he gives you a soft pat on the head

“be careful, if you need anything you can come to my office” and he rushes off.

work was pretty slow today, most of the patients had very minor injuries thankfully, it’s nearly the end of your shift before you get a last minute patient

“hey listen y/n, i know this is so last minute to ask but can you stay a little late today and take this last patient, i’ve got an emergency back at home, good news though! you’ll be working with kugisaki, i know how close you two are” shoko says as she smiles, “thanks again”

nobara stares at you and waits for shoko to leave,

“y/n where have you been, i’ve been texting you like a million times, i thought something serious happened to you”

“I know, i’m sorry just- i need to tell you something, i was going to wait til everyone is all together but i’ll just say it now” you say and this catches nobara’s attention as she looks at you with worry

“spill the tea, what is it?” she asks

“i’m pregnant..”

nobara pauses and you think she’s upset before her jaw nearly drops to the floor

“WHAAAAAAATTTTT???? BY WHO? OH MY GOD DID YOU HOOK UP WITH ONE OF THE MEN AT THE EVENT??? OH MY GOD I BET IT WAS SUGURU” she says invested as she begs to hear more details dying to know who the father is

“i would rather not say who but that’s why i haven’t been answering you guys texts, it’s just been a lot to take in lately” you say

and she finds her composure and hugs you

“don’t worry about it girl, i just wish you would have talked to me sooner, i wish we could’ve helped you” she says

you smile and let her know it’s okay before you make your way to meet your next patient,

you read over the information listed in your check board about the patient, the patient was minority injured in a car crash but needs to be checked for concussion

this shouldn’t take long

you look up to meet eyes with the woman from last night that was around satoru’s arm.

nobara now takes the clipboard, writing things down as she watches you examine the woman

“oh so you’re that one girl who looked sick last night with suguru, wow never would’ve guessed you would work in a place like this” she cockily laughs and nobara looks up at you with a slight hint of confusion and excitement at the mention of you being with suguru last night

“don’t know, you probably have me mixed up with someone else.” you say trying to stop this conversation before nobara gets any ideas.

“oh no i never forget a face. you know…” she scoots in closer to try and get under your skin, “i’ve never seen you around before and trust me i’m over there a lot”

you can tell she’s lying but you don’t really care enough to correct her.

“listen, i saw the way you were looking at satoru all lost puppy like and shit and i know you want him and all but me and him are kinda a thing and know each other really well and he was telling me last night about how he can’t wait til i get all swell with his kids and birth his baby, so you should probably pregnancy test me, you never know!” she says

it’s obvious she’s trying to get a reaction out of you and nobara is obviously catching on to a hint of annoyance from you but she knows not to push on or ask more, especially from a bitch like the woman sitting in front of you.

nobara figures it’s better to ask you yourself than some delusional woman who probably has a concussion.

“Ms. L/N I think we should discuss these papers, we will be just a moment, you just sit tight!” she gives the woman a fake smile before leaving the room with you

she grabs your arm and pulls you to the side,

“what am i hearing about! oh my god..geto??!!…ughhhh hes such a sweetheart! and doctor save a hoe? oh my god what about all this? you never told me you moved in girl!”

“keep your voice down nobara” and nobara giggles,

“so it’s true then!” she might as well start jumping from excitement, “oh my god this is like the stuff you see in movies, i’m high key jealous of you rn!” she says as she pokes your arm and you roll your eyes playfully at her

“yeah yeah whatever, what about the woman’s results?”

“oh yeah, she doesn’t have a concussion although she may be a tad bit delusional” she says and you both laugh

“could you walk her out? yuji has been waiting in the parking lot for like an hour complaining”

“yeah, no problem” you say

you both go your separate ways as you are now walking the woman to the entrance as she blabbers on about the details of satoru gojo, as if you cared to know more about the famous satoru gojo. not like you were carrying his child or anything

you both make your way to the checkout desk when you see satoru walk towards you both in his formal work attire rather than the scrubs he was wearing earlier, hes wearing black shoes and dress pants with a blue button up shirt, leaving the top buttons undone

the classic sexy doctor get up

the woman next to you waves at him trying to get his attention and he formally waved at her as he would any patient

“hey Mr. Gojo, last night was amazingggg!” she draws her words out and satoru looks confused and nods and waves her off wishing her a nice day

did he not remember her?

“Y/n, when does your shift end? we should ride home together, suguru and i came together but he left early so do you mind?” he asks turning his attention fully towards you

you see the woman give off a small scoff of jealousy as she marches away

“my shift ends now and yeah sure” you say bluntly

as you both walk silently to the car. watching his tall shadow trail behind you, your curiosity gets the best of you.

“did you uh get her pregnant” you stop in your tracks,

he stops to stand in front of you and gives you a look of confusion, “huh? uh i got you pregnant if that’s what you mean but you know that already obviously so..” he lets out a nervous laugh,

“no uh i mean the girl just now, like um did you uh…finish inside of her…?” you don’t know why you felt so nervous asking about this, was it really your place to ask if he got another woman pregnant? “she said y’all are a thing and you were talking to her about how you can’t wait for her belly to get swell and for her to birth your baby? did you get her pregnant?” you continue, not being able to hold eye contact with him

“oh uh i had no clue who that girl is, must have been a one time thing, pretty sure i just picked her up from a bar, but uh no i didn’t finish inside, pulled out..” he sounds nervous and a little embarrassed.

you nod somehow relieved, maybe you just didn’t wanna live with her, you thought to yourself

“okay…good then, uh let’s go home”

“mhm” he hums

he follows you like a dog as you grab your things and he takes them out of your hand to hold. the car ride home is silent and he places a gentle hand on your stomach softly pinching your hips, you feel a little awkward at first before you let yourself embarrass his touch. you can feel satoru’s eyes on you as you doze off, leaving satoru watching you with a hint of a soft smile across his lips.

.

.

.

A/N. this took forever to write but im excited on writing the next chapter, which will hopefully be done by thanksgiving, i hope you enjoyed luvs <3

let me know if you want to be on the tag list for this series!

tag list: @jeannieboys @maskedpacific @muimuiwisteria

[cryptfile]

deleted this question since i’m plain DUMB, but here’s a lil something for you bb, stablished relationship cause carmy deserves better </3

MINORS DNI

“so, this right here are the best things you can cook?” carmen asks resisting the urgency to check on the shrimps you seemed to be overcooking by all the time they stood over the fire at maximum heat.

“why are you saying it like it’s nothing?” you ask in response, looking at everything you managed to cook being the celebration of your first-month-anniversary with your boyfriend (a day later cause he forgets every little detail in his private life) — “this right here my dear chef, ‘s the best strawberry pie you’ll ever try. consider yourself lucky.”

he don’t believe you at first, of course he wouldn’t. An awarded chef that enjoys an almost too-sweet pie recipe from your aunt? Seems almost imposible to believe, especially when he had the first bite and stayed in full silence for at least three minutes making you scared of actually going too far with the condensed milk.

but then he gave you this look, the look of «holy shit babe, this is the best pie i've ever had» that makes your chest swell in pure pride, almost not believing he actually liked something you make having zero knowledge in anything technical — christ, you even burnt pancakes without even trying.

so you try to understand how exactly you end up in that position, trapped beneath the palm of his hand close to the edge of your bed, ragged breathing as your hand grabs the bedsheet beneath you, looking for something to hold on to even for a minute. You're clueless about how you actually finish up with your cheek pressed against the mattress, surrounded of that new bliss that fills your shitty apartment as he buries himself deep inside you in the intimacy of your room.

must have been when he caught you cleaning up moments later, mouth all fucking sweet and tasting like strawberry. almost exactly sure that it should have been the moment he pressed himself against you, no questions asked, brushing his lips against the crook of your neck.

"care to share the recipe with me? wanna try a couple things" he asks behind you, breathing colliding against your skin. and yes, it's equally as rewarding as winning an extremely hard race.

"wanna' change the recipe of my family? are you serious right now?" he thinks he has fucked up everything for almost a second, but your smile lights the whole room when you give him a chuckle of pure fun, and he can breathe in peace. "fuck yes, carm. of course i'll give it to you. works with any fruit, i just happen' to love strawberries though."

he seems happy with your answer — however, you're still unsure of how he exactly dragged you to your bed.

you're not complaining, never would. Way down buried in a new haze of pleasure while he keeps you against the warm surface, fucking you in an steady pace at first as he moves your hips himself, hammering against you soon after. it's addicting, and he's so pleased about how you react to it.

"relax baby," he would say in a rough voice, he's still relatively new to all of this intense sex life since he started dating you not so long ago, making sure you really are enjoying yourself as much as he is.

the chef hums in response, and you know, just from his voice alone, he's going borderline mental as your tense muscles relax under his touch — "lemme' take care of you sweetheart, you doin' it s'good f'me."

he's a man of his word, so he does what he says. he knows how to get you, so when the room seems to become smaller than what trully is, the sound of the skin slapping against you, ragging in your ear mixing with the moans and groans you two make, he places his fingers right over your clit, the force of his pushing enough to make you move against his digits as he digs the other hand in your hip so hard you think's gonna leave a bruise behind.

he's so close already, always so fucking close with you he has to force himself not to cum. face all flushed while he pounds into you, concentrated in the little sounds you make, how your ass looks from that position while his cock stretches you out, the way your fists grabs the sheets trying to keep yourself together.

carmy's determined to make you feel him everywhere, pulling deeper against you — "look at you s'pretty" he says, stumbling over his words as he spoke "how did i get such a good girl just f'me?"

"good fuckin' lord squeezing me like that," the chef curses under his breath, sweat covering his body. "you close, princess?"

you cannot answer. you cannot say anything but instead nod in response, the act of talking seeming almost impossible as you let out a strangled moan, victim of a warm feeling on your chest as you finally reach the orgasm, the waves colliding in your stomach when he keeps on fucking you through it at a relentless pace, even when his own cum is already leaking out of you.

and when he finally kisses you, damned you'll be forever.

cause you can still feel the taste of condensed milk and strawberries lingering on his lips, and it's enough to make you crave some more.

[mikobeautifulheart]

JJk men when you go delusional

INCLUDING: Yuji and Toge

TW: Blood loss. Not enough sleep. Not edditeddddd

☆Yuji☆

He had been on countless missions all day and was so trieded. No wonder his surprise when you opened the door before he even knocked, stumbling around and giggling to yourself.

"Y/N? Are you okay?" He was so confused. You were usually calm and quiet but here you are infront of him, a giggling mess.

"Yujiiiiiiiiiii" you said wrapping your arms around him.

What the-you never usually give him hugs unless you were upset. As you held onto him he peered over your shoulder into your room. There wasnt anything there except for 6 or 7 mugs. Now empty mugs of coffee. Truth be told you've been going on a lot of missions to. For 3 straight days and bearly 15 minutes of sleep.

Yuji didn't know what to do, but he knew you didn't have another mission for 2 days so he picked you up and threw you over his shoulder.

"Yuujii, what are you doing" you squealed now dangling your arms behind him.

"You need to sleep."

"Nooo I don't wanna" you tried to escape but it was no use, all your energy was used up on your missions.

Swiftly, Yuji lowerd you on the bed before crashing on top of you.

You giggled even more.

"Your so cute Yuji. Have you ever wanted kids? OOO we would have the cutest kids." you giggled again.

His face went beat red and he buried it in the pillow next to your head.

"Go to sleep." He muffled.

~Toge~

You and Toge are on a mission together, first thing was you two were split up just fighting off the amount of curses there were. Then sometime near the middle he heard you scream.

"SHAKEE" Toge yelled in your direction.

You laid on the floor, the gash on you back bleeding out.

"I'm pissed off now" you said with a glint in your eyes.

Suddenly you just.ped up and started massacuring the curses with your cursed weapon and just kept going, regardless of how much blood got on you.

Toge was shocked, he'd never seen you like this, not while losing so much blood.

Soon enough you killed the last curse and started at Toge, your eyes changing to a misty hue

"IMM SORRY TOGE IT WAS MEEEE." You broke down crying.

"Mustard leaf?" he said with utter confusion.

"I-I-I WAS THE ONE WHO TOOK YOUR FAVOURITE SHIRT" You cried even harder falling to your knees, still bleeding.

His eye only slightly twitched in irritation. You we're seriously injured, went on a murder spree and all you had decided to confess to your crime now?

He ran over to you, now head tucked into your knees, your back bleeding more then ever.

"Tuna Tuna" He said eyes wide.

"No if this is the end then let it be, I knew I should have asked, I'M SO SORRYY" you cried wrapping your arms around his torso.

"Nori" he said lifting you bridal style as you held onto his uniform for life.

He ran you out of there and stayed next to you all the way back to Shoko.

The next day you woke up in your bed dazed and in Toge's favorite shirt, which was weird because the last thing you remember was the pain from the injury you got from the mission. You rolled over and saw Toge holding a strand of your hair sitting at the edge of your bed.

"So about the shirt..." You said looking at him

AUTHOURS NOTE: Idk i tried to make that Toge one work the best I could. lemme know if you want a part 2 of this and who off. Anywayysssss, good whatevertime <3

[peachy-wolfhard]

just like heaven

Domestic life lawl, toge’s is mainly texting, sorry if u dont like the cure im goth and didnt know what other band to put

Includes in order: Megumi Fushiguro, Toge Inumaki, Yuta Okkotsu, Noritoshi Kamo

Warnings: food mention, halloween in noritoshi’s, one swear word, skeleton in the bath drinking a martini

It's finally starting to cool down. The once humid and sticky house was now cool and chilly, the rain outside growing louder and louder. The occasional lightning strike and thunder boom sends you cuddling closer and closer to your boyfriend.

“If you get any closer you're gonna be in my skin,” he chuckles, wrapping his arms around you. 

“What do you want for dinner? I was thinking of ordering since we're being lazy today,” Megumi stretches his arms out, back arching off the bed and then flopping down with a groan.

“Mmm, fries,” wrapping yourself around him again as he orders dinner.

“Who’s gonna get it?” “Rock, paper scissors?” “sweet”

As you two play, best two out of three, the delivery driver knocks on the door. Taking the loss, Megumi opens the door.

----

If you have anything u want from da store lemme know pookie :3 lub u

Uhhh….hmmmmm.

Those noodles i rlly like and popcorn plzzzz :3 lub u too

WAIT!!!!! lemme get uhhhh those rlly fat apples

How many fat ass apples light of my life?

Oml i love u sm erm like 2 ! thank u babylub

I love U more. Be back soon !

“Stinky boy, I'm home!” you call out, setting the small amount of groceries down. Toge hops down the stairs, three at a time, his stomps echoing throughout the house.

“HONEY!” he shouts as he lunges for you, tackling you to the ground.

“Did you miss me?” “Salmon,” he hums nuzzling into your arm.

----

“When have you EVER wore this?” you shout from the closet, lifting up a gaudy hot pink and yellow Hawaiian shirt. Your boyfriend gets up from the floor, leaping over the massive ‘donate’ pile.

“OH! We cant get rid of this one,” Yuta explains, taking the shirt from your hand to look at fondly.

“This was the shirt Toge got me when we went on vacation!”

Yuta throws it in the ‘keep’ pile. Yuta goes back to his spot organizing the under the bed drawers. Turning on the TV, you start to play your joint playlist. Tossing Yuta the remote so he can change the song. Shuffling through the many songs, he stops on The Cure. Getting up Yuta joins you in the closet, asking to dance.

----

It was finally fall, despite being a month early you and your boyfriend were decorating for Halloween. Noritoshi thought it was a little early for halloween celebrations however.

“Love, the leaves aren't even falling yet. Don't you think we should wait a bit?" he calls, setting the ceramic light-up cat down.

“The calendar says it's fall so the Halloween decorations are going up,” calling back, setting the dancing Hello Kitty zombie in the entryway. Noritoshi playfully rolls his eyes and continues grabbing random items. Opening one of the many small boxes and unwrapping it, he reveals a small skeleton in a bathtub drinking a martini.

“Do we need to put him out this year? It’s uncomfortable seeing him when I'm taking a shower,” he tries to say, laughing every time he looks down at the skeleton.

[luvnaomixo]

✧.* PLAYING ALL THESE SONGS FOR ME (희승)

‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ᭄᭡ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ⁺ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ❤︎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ⊹　₊ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

• ⋆. Your at a party, you were dragged here but you know that you wanted to talk to someone by the end of the night. Heeseung wasn't here by choice either but you two seem to have a very, VERY nice time

˚｡⋆ 𝒫𝗮𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀. student!heeseung x fem!reader — 825wc.

stangers to lovers, kissing, lil suggestive. ༝༚༝༚ … fluff overall 𝜗𝜚.

• 𝗻𝗮𝗼𝗺𝗶: second story! tysm for the love on my first ff! <3

The thumping bass of the party overflows your body once you walk in the house. You had drove all the way out to the valley to come to this party. Coming with your friends saying “this party is going to be so good. especially if it’s Jaeyun’s party —you should definitely come y/n!”. Knowing you, you’d only go to parties to hook up. If you were being honest this week was NOT your week. but you might end up doing something different for a change..

You were wearing a cute sparkling halter top that snatched your figure so nicely with a black skirt that could be ever so short, completing the outfit with black boots. Some might call it plain but you looked fucking good. A few minutes into the party, You were already talking to familiar faces and have a good time when you hear a voice in the background calling your name…

“Y/n! —What’s good??” Sim Jaeyun walks up to you with open arms ready to give you a hug. “jake how’ve u been?” giving him a good hug “i’ve been great pretty, hey um do you want a drink?” Jake asks pointing his thumb to the alcohol behind him . “I think i’m good for now, i don’t really feel like drinking tonight”. “alright just lemme know what you need and I gotchu” jake says while walking backwards getting back to the party but making sure not to break eye contact with you. You took a few shots.. don’t really feel like drinking my ass, you needed this if anything. Not an amount to get you turnt up or anything, you just wanted to feel something but you turn your back to see a familiar guy in the corner… he’s pretty cute. You think to yourself since your friends already went to talk to people might as well talk to someone in the meanwhile.

Once you get closer to the boy in the corner you see the face of the familiar guy more clearly. Its Heeseung! God you take it back he’s SO FINE. He was so underdressed for this and it wasn’t even like a dress code or anything. dude had the most plain outfit on but god he looked so good it didn’t even matter. Heeseung was sitting on a couch, cup in hand, manspreading and you swore to god something was screaming inside of you. He adjusted in his seat looking anywhere but at the crowd of laughing carefree people dancing. A soft voice cutting thought his zoning out.

“can i sit here?” He looked up at you, you smiling at the boy. you didn’t wait for an answer though you just sat down next to him.

“i saw you sitting here looking like you were plotting something” your tone was teasing but kind. It made him feel nice. He chuckled running his hands thought his hair. “Sounds about right. I was practically dragged out here.”

“me too,” you admitted. Putting your legs up to curl with the half side of your body leaning on the couch. “But we’re here saur..” “I’m y/n.” you introduced yourself. “y/n~” he says back in a calm low voice. You didn’t know but something about him saying your name back after introducing yourself made you wanna faint then and there. “heeseung..” he said looking away taking a sip of his drink. “i’ve seen you on campus no?” he asks. “yeah i’ve seen you two” “i knew you were familiar i would’ve remembered such a pretty face” heeseung adds and you literally feel your knees weaken. “did you get a drink yet?” heeseung asks. “a few shots” you say taking his cup and taking a sip of whatever he was drinking. You looked at him while taking a sip. Heeseung was looking at you the. whole. time. It was something about your glossy full lips on HIS cup. You could see heeseung adjusting his pants. It had been a few minutes of you two talking and you swore if anyone else was looking at you two they would think you guys were seconds away from making out.

At some point, the music shifted to something slower. You wanting to dance at least once tonight and if that meant it would be heeseung up on you grabbing you from the waist down you were gonna do it. “come on, let’s dance”. he hesitated, glancing at the small crowd swaying the middle of the room thinking it was small so why not. he puts his drink down and gets up to dance with you.

You two shifted to a smaller, quieter spot near the corner of the room. where you could still hear the music but didn’t feel so exposed to everyone else. You placed his hands on your waist and your hands around his neck. “Not so bad”. heeseung felt his cheeks warm up and smiled. Before you knew it you both were looking at eachother swaying to the music… he was so handsome it wasn’t even funny. You could feel his eyes looking at you so intensely. His hands were so big.. you could literally feel playing with your skirt before he slipped a hand under there and you literally could feel yourself fold. he whispers in your ear “you look so cute right now it’s unbelievable”. you go up on your tip toes to give him a kiss on the cheek before looking at him with a cute lil smile, resting your head on his chest. You hope this moment would never ever end.

But unfortunately the song had came to an end and heeseung saw your soft expression and your eyes locked for a moment. You felt Heeseung’s hand brush a strain of hair from your face. he leaned in and you met him halfway. The kiss was so sweet. You could taste the jack(alcohol) he was drinking earlier but it didn’t matter because it was heeseung you were tasting. You could feel him deepening the kiss as he rested his whole arm to rap around your waist before you two broke apart. You both smiled at eachother, your cheeks flushed and his lips swollen. “this party got a whole lot better” you stated and heeseung chuckled.

“wanna get outta here?” heeseung said with his heart racing.

you nodded, and you two slipped out the building unnoticed by anyone. You and heeseung made it out of the building and heeseung walks towards his jeep and unlocks the it. you think to yourself. i’m not going home tonight…

2024 © luvnaomixo

[certifiedsexed]

Should my partner and I use protection if it’s both of our first times having sex and we’re both afab?

It depends!

Let me be honest, whatever gender you were both assigned at birth really doesn't have anything to do with you two having sex! It doesn't tell me much of anything and doesn't change whether you "should" be using protection.

But I don't like to say you should use protection. If you've both had STI testing and know the risks, you can do whatever the fuck you want and I encourage it. But let me be clear what those risks are so that you're fully aware and you can make your own decision.

No matter what genitals you have, what sex you're assigned at birth, you have the risk of STIs.

Even if you both "haven't had sex", you should know that sometimes people get assaulted, sometimes people don't have the same view of what "sex" is as you do [for example, some people don't count mutual masturbation as "actual sex" despite it very much being sex.], sometimes it's a hygiene issue, it's best to actually get tested first!

Especially if you're going to have sex unprotected. All types of sex carry risk of STIs, much more so if you're doing them unprotected. [Obviously, unless you've both been tested and know you both have nothing.]

Besides STIs, if one of you has a vaginal yeast infection and you both have vaginas, it's possible to spread a vaginal yeast infection! You can also spread genital herpes to someone through oral sex if you have cold sores in your mouth when doing it, especially unprotected.

There are several things that can spread through rimming that aren't STIs, like e. coli, especially unprotected, and I can go more into that if you're interested. If one of you has not-great bathroom hygiene, it can also be a risk during other types of sex, though much lower.

Also, depending on what type of sex you're having, protection can also just make it easier, especially with clean-up. For example, sometimes fingering is easy for people when you wear gloves/a finger condom! It can also help with overstimulation for some people.

Whether you "need" protection can really depend on what type of sex you're having but if you're both tested, risk-aware and consenting, that's 100% a situation where you both get to choose.

I know this is a long ramble but I hope it helps! Lemme know if you have anymore questions! <3

[penvisions]

gone to the dogs {chapter 3}

Pairing: Boston QZ! Joel Miller x F! Reader ; Implied Boston QZ! Joel Miller x Tess Servopoulos

Summary: A person from your past makes you feel the changes that transformed you into what you are today. A meal shared feels like another change is coming.

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: canon typical violence, canon typical language, canon typical gore, outbreak fic, age gap (only by about ten years), dark fic, dark joel miller, mean joel miller, joel miller is uptight, degrading language, sexual language, heated interactions, adult language, fighting, argumentative language, mutual disdain, sexual content, implication of sex work, unprotected piv (mentioned), sexual acts, reader is snarky, reader meets joel toe-to-toe with insults and it's amazing both reader and joel pov, lemme know if there are any i missed!

A/N: this honestly came out of nowhere. i haven't been writing lately beyond jotting down scene notes and vague ideas,so i've taken a step back from forming actual chapters for the many wips i have at the moment. but this was a good thing to get down amid all the stress of preparing to move for the second time in three months

ao3 link || series masterlist || joel miller masterlist || ko-fi

You step back a few paces, instincts reminding you of the last time you saw the man. He looked older, older than he should if only seven years went by. But the stresses of the world made each one seem like a lifetime.

But upon closer inspection, as you realize that maybe he looks…actually in better shape than when you had seen him last. But not being covered in dirt and grime was an easy difference. No, though, he looked healthy. Far better off than your rumpled and stark appearance.

He says your real name and you feel something soften deep inside. You hadn’t heard your actual name since…no, you cut the thought off, not wanting to think anymore about anything to do with the day you lost your brother. You feel the watching eyes of Joel and Tess as the meeting with strangers turns into anything but. Your connection with one of the men seemingly the last of the outcomes they had anticipated.

“Cane.” You correct him. “My name is- it’s Cane.”

“I can call you that, if you prefer. I’m just so glad you’re okay. When that raider dragged you off, I thought-“

“I got away.” You cut him off, not wanting to reveal the way you had ended up being a resident of the Boston Quarantine Zone. It wasn’t important, it was personal, and it was no one’s business but your own now, how it had come to be the reality of your life. It hadn’t been the first blood you spilled but it had certainly been the beginning of the path you walked and paced and snarled your way around today. He must sense your snub, the way you don’t want to dwell on the past. He nods once, eyes glinting as he takes in the two figures behind you. His eyes focus on Tess, a nod to her in greeting as he connects a face to the voice he had been conversing with for a few weeks now.

Frank turns to Bill, his counterpart on the other side of the fence. Allowing you to let out a huff of breath in relief at the passed moment. Or so you thought, Joel’s eyes were heavy on you. Far too weighted and far too vigilant as he no doubt picks up more than the exchange had been.

“Let’s, Bill, let’s get them inside. Get Cane into the shower, you look a little rough around the edges. You didn’t run into any trouble did you?”

The feeling of water cascading hot from the shower head and down your aching body was something you thought you’d never get to experience again. It was such a rare occurrence to get even lukewarm water in the zone, the water pressure weak.

A soft knock sounded through the hush of water, followed by Frank asking if you were comfortable with him coming into the bathroom. You call out a muffled affirmative, body beginning to ache from the way you had trudged through the night to get to the cordoned off city, especially after the way large hands had roughly pushed and pulled at you atop Joel’s shared bed.

“I just…wanted a second alone with you.” The man broke the heavy silence as he settled on a small bench in the room, opposite the vanity. He was worried, you could sense that much.

“That’s okay, it’s your house and I don’t mind.”

“…it could be your house too….if you wanted.”

On the other side of the door, Joel tries to keep his breathing light as he listens in on the conversation. A feeling of protectiveness hard to squash as he saw the other man slink off in search of you. There was something between you two, a shared past. A worry the other man felt entitled to have over you, the utterance of a name foreign to him but meant something to you. Joel wasn’t sure what to think, the way Tess had described him had been all positive and hopeful, a potential trading partner for things they couldn’t find in the rubble of the city remains or within the walls of the zone.

A connection to you was the last thing he had expected out of this trip. And he was on high alert for any issues that might bring to light. He keeps his eyes trained on the end of the upstairs hall, instincts telling him that Bill knows he hadn’t really been in search of a restroom for himself. Another dog with something to protect, with something to defend and fight for. The two men far more alike than they would want to admit and they had only just met. Your voice is quiet, something he had only ever experienced when he walked in on you and Tess alone. So used to you projecting it, to speaking loudly to ensure people heard you and understood the intent behind them.

The vulnerability with a man you obviously knew isn’t lost on him.

“Don’t think Bill would like that.” Cutting under his offer, you want him to realize that it would never work, his life is set up here due to the other man. Even if you were to be minimally evasive and keep to yourself, it was a life you weren’t sure you deserved let alone were worthy of being offered. It would be a disturbance to their way of life, from the gardens they tended to the house they obviously shared as their own.

“Yeah, but even so. We could convince him, if that’s something you’d be interested in. I don’t…I don’t like the thought of you all alone in the zone, fighting everyday for things you deserve to have…”

“I found my brother, I’ll be fine, I promise.”

“Did…I just…I’m sorry to ask but are you- okay after-“

“Yes.”

“It’s okay if you’re not, you know. That kind of thing, that violence changes people.”

“I am…okay, for the most part. Change or no change.”

“You don’t…I just want you to know you have a place here. If you’re…resorting to certain things.” His words are hesitant, but firm. He knows you, had known you through your college years. He had been an artist of local renown, in Baltimore. Where you had moved to go to college and stayed after you graduated. You worked with him in his own studio, helped him to organize classes for those interested in the arts and helped to manage his small gallery. But that was a lifetime ago, a paintbrush traded for the butt of a gun in your palm. A flash of teeth in a gummy smile you had offered too easily exchanged for the snarling of teeth as you bared them for anyone who threatened you.

It was a lifetime ago, the turn of your age into the next decade of your life bringing endless and adaptive change. If it was for the better you weren’t sure, but your survival was dependent on it and that’s all that mattered.

Joel feels a tightness in his chest, the inference of the man’s words of violence that had been acted out on a younger version of yourself not settling well, violence that ripped you from the one person who you had been with at the end of the world. The weight of the realization like rocks in his stomach, churning around in his middle. More weight is added as he hears the admittance of you’re the activities he had caught you in the act of doing to earn ration cards, of the activities he had been all too willing to indulge in with you just the night before.

“I don’t like doing it, but it’s kind of a ‘use what ya got’ kinda world now.”

“Cane…”

“It’s fine, I’m not…I’m not bothered by it.”

“Honey, of course you are. Anybody would be. We used to- we used to spend our days painting and setting up gallery shows and that- that’s gone from the world now. There is no more art, there is no more humanity, there is only-“

“I’m not anybody.” You feel your lips part in a show of teeth, hissing the words out as anger flares and memories of a time passed cross your mind. You were so naïve, to think the world would allow you to be who you wanted. For anyone to be who they wanted, but now it molds you into something inhumane, weather you find yourself infected or not. “I’m a survivor and I have power in the zone, with or without those I traveled with here today.”

“Okay….I’ll let you finish washing up and I’ll get you a change of clothes, that sound alright?”

“….thank you, Frankie.”

“Of course, anything for you. Always.”

Thoughts of a younger you set in front of a large canvas atop an easel flashes before Joel’s eyes as he quietly descends the stairs. A paintbrush replacing the commonality of a gun in your grip, light in your eyes instead of a dark threat. It was an uncomfortable one, to find out just how much you had been altered. He knew the pain of being transformed beyond recognition and he hated for the knowledge of your past as it burrowed into his brain and refused to leave.

A table is set up outside, Frank insisting on enjoying the gentle breeze that graced the day. A lace trimmed white tablecloth atop it for dishes and wine glasses and cloth napkins to be set atop. A meal to try and tide the churning waters of an agreement, the combining of two factions. Everyone is seated at one of the four sides of the small table, an extra chair beside Frank for you two to share one.

Bill’s back is to the house, to allow him a full view of the street and surrounding area within the gate of his land. Joel is opposite him and to your right, Tess is across from you. It’s all so close an imitation of family dinners you used to have before you left to embark on your own life. Though the people surrounding you couldn’t be any different.

The four of them had fallen silent at your appearance once you came down the steps. Hands itching to run over and smooth down the flowing fabric of the dress Frank had gifted you to change into. A white, floral-patterned fabric you would’ve once fawned over. But now it feels like some sick, twisted joke even if you knew the man hadn’t intended for it to be taken that way. He had been working off memories of your preferences, not knowing who you were now.

Tess’s lips had lifted at the corners, though she hid it well at the way your eyes had cut through her when you heard the small chuckle she had tamped down on. Joel’s eyes had roved over you, an expression unreadable and far too harsh in the daylight back outside. Frank had been elated, praising how well it fit you and he was so glad it was the right size, that the pattern looked lovely and you cleaned up nicely. Bill had nodded along, most likely warned by his partner to be nice to you, though he hadn’t looked to thrilled that you had been left alone inside his home. He seemed so much like Joel, though there was no worry for him to reach out and grab you by the throat.

“Well, this really is just- it- it’s amazing.” You keep your eyes downcast at your place setting, the way Tess stumbled over her words unfamiliar. She was trying so hard to keep her own tendency to come off as threatening out of her demeanor and you wondered if it was closer to the that of the woman she had once been. Shirking herself back into that mindset in order to appeal to the men whose trade you admittedly, desperately needed.

The city is getting more dangerous to scavenge as time continues on. Supplies and even everyday items so scarce it doesn’t justify the risk of sneaking out of the zone much. You worry for the future, as things only seem to be getting more dire. As the hangings increase, as the Fireflies gain traction and power among the unrest.

“Right?” Frank smiles so openly and brightly at her across from you, reaching for the bottle of wine in the middle of the table. He reaches over to fill the half-empty crystal glass before her, the scent of it strong as it catches in the wind. You take the final sip of your own glass, catching Joel’s gaze out of the corner of your eye. You feel more than see the way his eyes trace the stain of the dark wine on your lips, how it dampens them as it clings to the plush of your bottom lip. How he shifts in his seat as you swipe your tongue over it to collect the errant drops.

“Mhm.”

“Can you not, please?” Joel’s eyes shift to the gun gripped tightly in Bill’s hand atop the table. Frank’s as well, an exasperated edge in his voice. The roll of his eyes he tries to fight making warmth flare in your chest for being able to recall it so clearly and aimed at you in the past. He’s much the same man he was when you knew him, but almost…happier now despite the fall of the world. He’s found his person and that does change people, you can see it in his boosted confidence and comfortability. He’s protected here, until he wishes not to be.

“I’m the same way.” Joel offers, to bridge the gap and mind the tension in the air.

“Oh, you’re a paranoid schizophrenic too?” Frank chuckles, shoulder bumping yours but you don’t join him in the banter. You feel wildly out of place, aside from having to share an edge of the table. It had been so long since you sat down at a clean table, a dressed table laden down with crystal glasses and fine ceramic. A meal made from scratch, hot and actually tasting like food.

“I’m not schizophrenic.”

“Sure.” Frank moves to fill your glass at the nod of your head, he knows you favored red once upon a time, the perfect paring for the meal Bill had been kind enough to offer you all.

Tess clears her throat and it strikes something in you. She’s acting more like she does when she’s alone with you, letting the glimpse of who she is shine amongst the pair. It’s easy to see now why Joel is by her side, she’s much better spoken than you. She’s good at knowing what to do and when. But then again she does have a decade on you much like he does. More experience in a world that had been whole and allowed for different skills.

“Well, can I just say, uh, gun aside, which I get, by the way.” A nod to Bill, to let him know he’s seen and understood. “How nice this is to have a civilized meal in such a, a beautiful place. It’s been so long.”

The unspoken but very loud ‘can’t get these two to stay in the same room long enough to even eat rations without an argument breaking out’ sentiment hits you like a brick wall. She knows, is the first thought you have, and it freezes the blood in your veins. She knows what you and Joel did but she hadn’t voiced it or confronted you about it. Perhaps she confronted him or had just known the second she walked into the apartment last night but either way, you know you have to be honest when she approaches you.

“I just wanna say, uh, thank you. Even if we don’t end up working together. Which I wouldn’t fault you, these two tend to rub some people the wrong way. I really needed this.”

“We are working together.” Frank raises his own glass to mirror hers, his other hand reaching for yours atop the table to shake it gently and reassuringly. “We are. Even if Cane hadn’t turned out to be the third party of your group. Though it was such a pleasant surprise.”

They clink their glasses together, urging you to do so as well. Your glass now full for a second time as well.

“You know what? Let’s go inside. Tess, I wanna show you something.”

“Actually I have been…waiting to see inside.”

“No. Not inside.” Bill tries to reign them in but neither are paying much attention to the table anymore, already getting up from their seats, full wine glasses in hand.

“Darling, do you want to join us?” Frank offers, reaching for your hand to help you up. But you shake your head, not wanting to go back inside so soon.

“Oh, um, no thank you. The fresh air is…”

“Of course,” He slides a hand over your shoulder, comforting and grounding.

Bill calls out his name once, then again with more force as they begin to walk away from the table, leaving the controlled setting. Both parties are laughing as they disappear inside the house with their wine glasses. He huffs as he looks from you to Joel, not having anticipated this course of events.

“I understand.” Joel speaks up across from him. He’s chewing a bite he had just taken, a second helping taken when offered still on his plate. He doesn’t even look in your direction, his attention solely on the other man at the table. “If my, uh…if mine…brought strangers into our situation, I wouldn’t be happy either.”

“Thought this one was yours.” Bill tips his head in your direction, genuine curiosity thinly veiled in his tone.

“No. This one is on her own.” His voice hardens, giving away his distaste for the insinuation.

“I’m no ones, certainly not his.” You feel the need to speak up, not willing to let them both talk about you as if you weren’t right there. It was not only insulting, but to insinuate that you could be anybody’s was more than aggravating. Joel ignores you, but Bill’s eyes meet yours briefly, gauging you silently.

“But of all the people he could’ve found on the radio, we’re actually decent people just tryin’ to get by.”

“Oh, well aren’t I the lucky one.” Bill scoffs, eyes trained back on Joel and remaining.

“There’s stuff we have in the zone that you don’t have here. Books, medicine, machine parts. We can help each other and get that gun outta my face.” There’s a hint of the man he is in the zone as his voice pitches low, a threat that he would act on in a heartbeat with the slightest inclination. Bill heeds the threat, knowing he would meet it head on. Both aware of the fragility of the situation, both aware of their people inside the house alone with each other and getting along. Bill concedes and the gun is locked before placed back in its holster.

“So, what, you were a…prepper or somethin’?”

“’Survivalist’.” Bill doesn’t continue eating, like Joel does. Ever the picture of controlled ease as he chews bite after bite on his plate. But the language of his body is obvious to you, he’s primed and ready to lunge, ready to fight, to kill. Something you had washed off in the shower with the appearance of someone you once thought long dead. “Maybe you are decent people, Frank vehemently vouches for her. But maybe you aren’t and maybe she’s changed. Doesn’t matter. We’re self-sufficient here. I don’t need you or your friend, or her complicating our lives. Is that clear?”

Even if you aren’t focused on one of them for more than a moment, eyes flitting between them evenly, you see the way Joel glances at the perimeter fence. Seeing something you don’t or can’t, had seen since first approaching it, keeping it to himself and only revealing it with his next words.

“That fence has got a year on it, tops. The galvanized wire already started to corrode. I can get you ten spools of high-tensile aluminum. Last you the rest of your life.” He seems to think better of his words and with another swallow of chewed food, remedies it. “Lives.”

The realization that Joel could be polite, he could be cordial, and he could assert himself in a nonviolent way to appeal to someone and get what he wants without shedding blood, breaking bones, or slinging harsh words is a hard realization. All you’ve known from him is backhanded comments about your skills, about your willingness to let them into the world you had helped shape in the zone. Someone who had come in with the intention of asserting his dominance over those already in charge had faltered only when you showed your own teeth. And he never let you forget the way you had showed your belly to allow them to be a part of it, no matter how mutually beneficial the situation was.

He saw you as weak and it’s glaringly apparent in the way that he tries to appeal to the man across from him now. A man who has things Joel has set his sights on, wants to get his hands on. But it’s much more than them both being men, it’s much more than them both being so similar in nature. It’s about the respect they have for each other, it’s as plain as day. The commonality of a kinder and gentler handler of a partner at their sides. Someone to protect that have bonded with each other.

It further proves how alone you truly are. The wine sours in your stomach, the food spoils and you excuse yourself from the table. Bill’s hand is back over the gun holstered to his side but pushes up out of his chair and follows you. Joel watches until as the man follows you to where you had sought space on the curb of the street, his brow furrowing and his mouth turning down as he thinks you’ve just ruined any hope of finding agreement.

“Save it, neither of you have even considered what I have-“

“Look, I’m not much for being honest these days. The world doesn’t care anymore and I never did even before it fell. But,” He’s sitting down beside you, a grunt at the low level nearly flush with the ground. A few feet separate you, but you understand the meaning of him doing so. Willingly putting himself beside you and at a disadvantage should you be brave enough to try something.

“I wasn’t willing to even entertain the thought of reaching out on the radio. But Frank was determined to wade through the signals. And he did all of it in search of you. He’s devoted so much time to finding you, alive or dead. And when he couldn’t find word, he didn’t leave the bed for weeks. He’s been haunted by your ghost since the day he stumbled onto my land. And yet, God delivered you to him alongside two people offering trade. You say I think of you as fodder, but you don’t know me. I may not really know you, but I know what you mean to Frank. That makes this worth the trouble and the risk. Not some one trying to appeal to me across the table, not some woman who Frank is set on impressing. It’s you. I can see through the act of that one back at the table a mile away, he’s behaving though he doesn’t want to. But you haven’t tried to hide you who are, what you are.”

“I didn’t feel the need to, not here, not with Frankie.”

“I know you may not be the same person he remembers and share stories with, but he’s gone through all the efforts to set this up. He was going to ask them if they had any word of you, he never gave up hope that somehow you had survived that raider tearing you out if his grip as you both ran from the ambush of their group. Something tells me you have the sway the two with you think they have, have become accustomed to because you allow them to reap the rewards of it.”

“It’s a partnership. Protection for equal shares of everything. I provide the knowledge. One person alone can’t hold their own any longer, certainly not in the zone.”

“You have the knowledge.” He agrees quietly, his eyes locking with yours as you look over at him.

“We’re you runnin’ off to?” Joel’s voice doesn’t startle you, but it’s unexpected in the doorway of the back porch. You had slipped out of your room the second you were sure everyone had been settled long enough to sleep, or at least resolve themselves to trying to rest for the night. It can’t be easy for either Joel or Bill to rest knowing the other doesn’t trust them, but you hadn’t anticipated anyone leaving their rooms at the late hour. Stars twinkle above in the sky, visible through the windows unobstructed by screens. You had just wanted to come out and see them, get some fresh air.

“Didn’t want to impose.” Your voice is quiet, though not in meekness, it’s swathed in the worry of waking a house full of people.

“We were offered rooms for the night, wouldn’t call that imposing.” He exhales heavily as he moves to stand beside where you are before one of the large panes of glass, looking out. “Besides, Frank seems to be easy on you, doubt he would say no to anything you needed.”

“Yeah, well, room’s too big, house is too big.” He watches you, catching the sight of your eyes tracing the landscape bathed in night and shadows. You absently wonder if he can smell the body wash you had used earlier, different from your own back in the zone but had washed the lingering scent of him on your skin all the same.

“Can’t get outta the gate on your own.”

“No, but it’s better than being stuck in that house.”

“It bothers you.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Truly, you don’t. There’s no way he’s privy to the feelings and desperation to push down memories of the past that have endlessly bubbled up today, trying to drown you as they reach for the surface.

“Don’t play dumb, we both know you’re not.” His hands rest on his hips, the clinking of his belt buckle ever present loud in the silence of the night. Of the open land just beyond the enclosed porch. “You’re uncomfortable because they’re in a room and me ‘n Tess are in one.”

“I couldn’t care less about the sleeping arrangements.”

“Then what is it?”

“It doesn’t matter.” You think to tell him of how suffocating it was in that room, not because you were alone but because of how much it reminds you of where you used to live. But Joel isn’t one for you to be open with, to share honestly with. He’s been nothing but demeaning when it comes to any humanity you dare to show, conversations with Tess cut short the second he opens the door to wherever you are. The reason you don’t linger or share meals, the reason you don’t know why he had allowed for last night’s activities to happen and now they feel heavy, like a mistake you had let yourself fall into that never should have happened.

“Cane.” When you don’t respond, he voices the name Frank had called from behind the fence when he recognized you. It’s like an arrow to the heart, striking true and killing that part of you all over again. A name you had never expected to be called again, let alone by Joel Miller as he tries to get you to speak plainly with him. For once and never likely again.

“Drop it.” Your voice rasps, the scream you feel building in your chest desperately trying to break free.

“Not until you tell me.”

“Just because your mouth’s been on me-“

“That’s not what this- Jesus, fine, be difficult like you always are. I’m goin’ back inside.” He’s turning away, stepping toward the back steps. You hear the sound of his boots on the wood but only the first step before he’s whipping back around with a glare. “If this falls through, it’s on you. Not me and not Tess, you. And if that’s the case, maybe you should begin to consider that offer to stay here. And if that doesn’t pan out, don’t come crawling back to us.”

You don’t look at him or think of telling him the deal has been made because of you, and his steps take him further away from you, leaving you to sit on the outdoor furniture that reminds you too much of your old home. Of the one you once shared with family, of the one you had shared with Franke. Both more than likely just rubble or overtaken by twisted and decayed cordyceps. You feel the scream thicken your throat, swelling it up to make you try to gasp out for air to release it but it comes out as a harsh prattling sob. Your resolve to be strong cracking for the first time in years.

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