#legit this has been everyday at the studio lately

[stropharian-world]

I need to start thinking about my life.

[seojvns]

everything you didn’t care to know about seojun yoon. 

basic statistics.

full name: seojun yoon. 

nickname: jun, junnie, seo. 

how'd they get it?: they’re just... variations of his name...

age: twenty one. 

date of birth: april 27th. 

zodiac: taurus. 

gender: male. 

sexual orientation: pansexual. 

when did they realize this?: around the age he started being interested in people. it’s never been something he’s struggled with, it’s jus how things were/are. 

nationality: american.

hometown: daejeon, south korea.

current residence: cortland, wisconsin.

occupation: freelance photographer. 

for how long?: umm, probably since high school?? he started out doing it for free, to build his resume, and over time he began building it into something he could actually make money from. not much, but !! getting paid for doing something he loves?? really couldn’t ask for more than that. 

do they like his/her job?: obvs!!! does he wish he could have a lot more clients?? ya, but he’s patient and he’s got the time. 

salary: mm, depends on the job but probably anywhere from $150-250/job. 

family.

any significant ancestors?: ummmm, no. 

grandparents (describe relationship): he was really close to his grandmother, on his mom’s side, who passed away a few years ago. he’s close to his grandfather from that side too, but he’s a bit old fashioned in his views and sometimes conversations are... not really something he can take much from. but he likes his company, and overall they have a good relationship. his grandparents on his father’s side both died before he really got a chance to even know them. 

aunts/uncles (describe relationship): there’s definitely a distance. when he was younger, he’d see more of them, and his cousins too, but as he grew up... it became less of a tradition his parents and his aunts/uncles bothered to keep up with. he sees them at family gatherings, usually around holidays, but that’s about it. 

parents (describe relationship): there’s a lot of distance between him and his parents. his father’s always been distant, even at a young age he wasn’t very invested in seojun. but he’d buy him things, assuming that was a decent enough way to show his ‘love,’ but it only made seojun resentful of the money he tried to use in an attempt to get out of actually caring or showing interest. his mother, on the other hand, cared. but only when he was young. from the time he was adopted, at age five, until about eleven. after that she became more disinterested in him. she also started nitpicking him a lot?? like no snacks, finding a poem and critiquing it, etc. support wasn’t something he was given, which is why he’s become such a desperate lil people pleaser. 

are they still together?: yes, yep. 

what is the character's family life like: it was really lonely growing up, cause even if everyone was home they’d all be off doing their own things. usually seojun was in his room writing, or out exploring and taking photos. he probably would’ve found his way to his hobbies regardless, but their neglect definitely encouraged him to explore them in a way he might not have done much sooner. 

what does their family love most about them?: hmm, probably his manners. he’s a good boy and he’d never embarrass them or anything when they drag him to events or parties, so, yeah! 

hate?: they see him as too shy, and lacking of a personality, but really that’s just because they’ve kind of made him feel like he should just keep quiet and do what he’s told :/ and that’s exactly what he does. 

does the family have a specific set of values?: his parents are very much the type of people who want everything to look perfect on the outside, and not care much about how they actually are on the inside. 

what would their family be described like by another person?: reserved, well put together, successful. 

have they ever had any pets?: he did! he had a dog, a samoyed, which he got from his parents for his seventh birthday. his name was ghost,, original, i know!

what happened to them?: he died a few years ago :/ it was a rly rough time for jun, who basically had him throughout his entire childhood. 

relationships.

are they a virgin?: umm, nope. 

how did they lose it?: i’m embarrassed just thinkin abt it. 

have they ever cheated on a partner?: never would he ever!!! 

has a partner ever cheated on them?: probably. 

how did they react?: better question - did he ever find out? doubtful. 

who was their first crush?: hard to say :/ he gets a new crush everyday :/ 

are they in any kind of romantic relationship?: no!! 

how serious/relaxed is it?: hmph. 

describe the relationship with their current partner: this is... pointless... 

how did they meet?: why ask so many questions based on the POTENTIAL of him bein in a relationship... 

who made the first move?: prob not seojun in any situation ... he’s not very bold 

how does your character truly feel about their partner?: this.... is so redundant... 

when did they realize this?: thank u, next! 

who is your characters closest friend?: minnie uwu 

how did they meet?: umm they’ve been bffs for as long as seojun can remember okay!!! so how they met is just one of those things he doesn’t... rly remember bc it feels like he’s known her his WHOLE entire life, u know?? 

why do they get along so well?: because they’re both cute and soft and they just vibe together well ok,, why question these things?? there’s been so many late nights up talking about anything n everything, so many heartbreaks that she’s been there for, so many adventures they’ve had n have yet to have... she’s his other half!!! <333 

describe relationship with any other significant friends: adrian’s one of the most important ppl to him ?? like ever?? cause he’s jun’s best friend but also a lot more than that. even though they can’t seem to get things right, he’s always gonna have feels for adrian. kian......... gross where do i even begin!!!! seojun would literally die for kian. he’s more than his roomie ok seojun’s so disgustingly attached that no matter what kian did he’d never leave his side lmao #dedicated. jiwon is who seojun would be if he could choose his life sjfsfks she’s jus so,, uwu perfect n everything he aspires to be. he LUVS her even tho she can lowkey be a lil scary?? not in like a way that he’s legit scared but like... she can be intimidating a lil bit. rt if u agree

favorites.

favorite foods: sushi, korean fried chicken, fries. 

least favorite food: black licorice, celery. 

favorite colors: pale yellow and light pink. 

least favorite color: whatever the fuck u call the color blue that tumblr chose for the new bg color fksdjfs

music: pop, r&b. 

literature: mysteries!! 

smell: honeysuckles, bonfires, fresh bread. 

feeling: affection uwu

season: autumn. 

pets: dogs, but... he loves cats too :/ 

place: hmm, he’s really drawn to the woods?? like when he was younger he’d go into the woods with his camera and a book and just spend all fucking day out there. there’s something really peaceful about it ?? and there’s just so much to experience... the woods jus make him soft, k?? 

favorite sport(s): huh

possession this character values most: his camera!!!!!!!! his journals filled with poems about everyone he knows. 

why is it so important to them?: um, his camera is p obvious?? his poetry filled journals, well, that’s p obvious too. he doesn’t want to forget how he felt in the moments where he was inspired to write whatever he wrote. 

physical characteristics.

height: 5′8′‘. 

weight: 130 lbs. 

body build: slim. 

eye color: brown. 

glasses or contact lenses?: contact lenses, but sometimes he’ll wear his glasses when he’s feelin’ lazy. 

hair color: naturally it’s black, but he prob keeps it either light pink or blond.  

scent: tbh idk what to answer for this, describing someone’s natural scent... hard. 

voice: he’s got a soft voice :/ 

mannerisms: says ‘um’ and ‘uh’ too much, whining about nothing, watching anything/everything with subtitles, turns the tab on a soda can sideways. 

style: comfy clothing mostly?? like loose fitting tops and form fitting bottoms. 

how do they walk?: like a fucking model tbh??? 

what are their nervous tics: he’s blushing 99% of the time tbh,, nose scrunches, averting his gaze 

usual body posture: umm, i’d say he’s got p good posture?? idk,,

preferred clothing.

underwear: boxer briefs babey!

shirts: loose!! t-shirts, flannels, hoodies. anything oversized. 

pants: usually black jeans, like, 9 times out of 10. 

skirts: nah. 

jackets: more oversized shit. 

shoes: prob jus black boots? 

accessories: earrings, rings, make up. make up isn’t an accessory rly but i dunno where else to put that so yayuh that’s a thing. 

formal wear: umm he’s a classic black suit kinda guy, prob w a bowtie, idk. 

sleeping wear: t-shirts and boxer briefs,, do ppl ... actually have real pajamas? like in real life? 

swimming wear: swim trunks ig?? weird question but ok. 

intellectual/mental/personality attributes and attitudes.

did they go to school?: ya, duh. 

where?: west bridge!!! 

what did they learn?: he’s studying photography :-)

what were their grades like?: uh, they’re alright... could be better... he wants to do better but his focus is usually just... anywhere but where it should be. so he procrastinates, and turns in things late a lot, and still is trying to do better. 

native language: korean. 

do they know any other languages?: english. 

how smart are they?: not... very... both book smart and street smart. 

what is their strengths?: creativity, generosity, compassion. 

weaknesses?: time management, insecurity, awareness. 

character's short-term goals in life: don’t go to jail, pass all classes. 

character's long-term goals in life: have a lil photography studio and live happily ever after uwu

how does your character see themselves?: umm, he’s self aware enough to know that he’s kind of sheepish?? he feels like he’s probably awkward in,, so many situations, rip, but he tries his best to not be too weird skfjs 

how does your character believe they are perceived by others?: as a soft boy who wants to be everyone’s friend?? hopefully?? 

how self-confident is your character?: UM LOL NOT AT ALL

what makes their self-confidence waver?: everything,, he just never feels like he’s good enough?? prob because of his mom’s nitpicking, his parents’ lack of interest generally, and the fact that he just has a low self esteem overall. 

what would embarrass your character the most?: being put on the spot about anything, having too much attention, falling for someone who doesn’t like him. 

how does your character feel about love: he!! loves love!!! he rly thinks that there’s someone out there for everyone... maybe not in a ~soulmates~ sense, but he thinks that companionship is a big part of happiness.

about crime: he doesn’t commit crimes... often... but if he does it’s because he can be talked into almost anything. 

people of a different sexuality?: loves everyone, thanks. 

different nationality/race?: loves everyone, thanks. 

how does your character show affection/love?: listening to them n remembering things they’re told, hand holding, doing literally anything they ask. 

how does your character handle grief? not well. especially in the case of manon, which has left him with a terrible sleeping pattern and the heavy feeling of guilt. 

what are they like when they cry?: prob like really dramatic,, like cry a lot while curled up in his bed under the covers kinda cry. 

what can make them cry?: betrayal, loss, anxiousness, stress. 

how does your character handle physical pain?: not well, he probably whines a lot and pouts even more. 

emotional pain?: even worse. he’s so forgiving that even if someone hurt him emotionally, he’d forgive them, but he’d probably be lowkey sad (but in a self blame kind of way) about it for awhile.

is your character typically a leader or a follower?: big time follower. 

what kind of energy level does your character typically display?: soft, upbeat, 

describe their sense of humor: prob either lame or softly sarcastic. 

hobbies: takin pics, writing poems, making playlists for people that’ll never hear them, watching shows instead of studying. 

talents: ...takin pics, writing poems, making playlists for people that’ll never hear them...

extremely unskilled at: focusing! and sports. 

if any, what musical instruments can they play?: piano :-) 

emotional characteristics.

how does the character relate to others?: through soft interactions and deep conversations. he’s pretty honest and open, so if someone asks him something, or even just talks to him, chances are he’s being as open with them as he would be with his close friends. 

how does the character deal with anger?: not well, but when he’s angry, he’s usually more upset than angry? and he wants to resolve things as quickly as possible, otherwise he’s stressed abt it until it’s fixed. 

with sadness?: listens to sad music and cries in the shower. drama queen. 

with conflict?: he’s always the first to apologize. 

with change?: he’s actually pretty adaptable for the most part?? but if it were like a major change, maybe not as good. 

with loss?: ummm, could be better!! probably gets a lil distant when he’s dealing with a loss. 

what does your character want out of life?: happiness :/ 

what would your character like to change in his/her life?: the whole manon thing JFKLSF

what motivates your character?: his future, or at least the ideal future he has in mind for himself. 

what frightens your character?: the fact that they could get caught for covering up a murder perhaps??? terrifying. 

are they afraid of the dark?: ...yes, but he acts like he isn’t cause he’s embarrassed. 

death?: not really?? like he doesn’t WANT to die or anything, but he’s not afraid of death.

what makes your character happy?: listening to good music, giving people things that make him think of them, the photo editing process. 

sad?: being alone, the fact that his parents never care to check up on him, films where the main couple doesn’t end up together.

angry?: people being rude to his friends, being lied to, unnecessarily passive aggressive people. 

aroused?: neck kisses, being called baby, someone who’s rly direct and just kind of... does what they want skjfsl 

annoyed?: people who speak over other people.

guilty?: covering up a potential murder, turning things in late, lying. 

is your character judgmental of others?: no. even if he doesn’t agree with their opinions/things they do he still tries to refrain from judgment. 

is your character generous or stingy?: generous af. 

is your character generally polite or rude?: polite!! angel boy. 

optimistic or pessimistic?: optimistic. 

introvert or extrovert?: lil bit of both?? 

daredevil or cautious?: cautious. 

logical or emotional?: emotional lmao. 

disorderly and messy or methodical and neat?: he thinks he’s methodical and neat but he’s actually disorderly and messy. 

would they rather be working or relaxing?: working, even though he thinks he’d rather be chillin he’s kind of terrible at doing nothing. 

how do they feel about animals?: um... he loves them?? he’s the kind of person that’d accidentally let a raccoon in his house and let it stay. 

what is their best quality?: his sincerity. 

what is their biggest flaw?: how trusting he is. 

[every1studio]

“our 10 year secret base” [stray kids: 3RACHA]

genre: ANGST + drama + mentions of death/after life

ficstyle: bulletpoints + LOONNGG

summary: based on the anime: Anohana: The Flower We Saw That Day, it will make you cry and you can look up the general summary of the anime as always I will put my twist into action. I was just inspired by the anime!!!

note: non-requested and you might cry or have some sort of feels by the end of this read -> THIS SONG COMES WITH IT (here)

Chan, Changbin and Jisung all unexpectedly met one another as they were all walking to the park right after their last day of school

they haven’t seen each other in 10 years

“are you heading to the park?” Chan asks the other two

and they both nod before silently walking to the park

the park was in the middle of their way to school and home; it was a pretty small park since all there is a little forested area, a running road but it had a nice view of the whole city below

there was a river that flowed at the base of cliff into the city; it was truly a beautiful sight with every sunrise and sunset 

there was a secret base near the park; a treehouse that was encased in the middle of the tree, it was in the middle of the street and the forested part of the park 

they used to be friends since they are 8 years old; it wasn’t always the 3 of them though.. they used to be known as 3RACHA+M; standing for 3 Kings + Muse 

so who was their muse?

they all walked into the base; everything was left the way it was on the last time that they were there

4 chairs facing each other with a table in the middle; there was a ladder that led up to a rooftop-like studio kind of space that they had to record music; a guitar, a toy keyboard and a cassette recorder

they all reminiscence the time they had in this base of theirs

WHOOSH

they feel a gust of wind 

“whoa did you guys feel that?” Jisung rubs crosses his arms to keep in his warmth

“that came out of no where..” Changbin looks up at the sky

“what if it was a ghost?” Chan jokes around

“AYE STOP THAT, THAT’S NOT FUNNY!!” Changbin pushes Chan

“YEAH! YOU SHOULDN’T SAY THAT KIND OF STUFF!”

“YE-yeah?? who said that?” Jisung looks around 

the three of them turned around and saw you standing there

“hi guys~ it’s been a while yeah?”

at first they rubbed their eyes and looked at each other

once they looked at you again; they went hysterical

“BUT DIDN’T SHE...?” Chan looked at Changbin and Jisung

they both nodded vigorously

“SO HOW...???” Jisung yelled as he tried to hold Changbin, who was on the verge of fainting

“ummm....” you spoke up

they all rushed into the corner of the base and huddled

“usually ghosts can’t move on with the afterlife unless they fulfill their last mission on Earth right?” you said 

Jisung pulled all the courage he had, “so what’s your mission?”

you smiled at them

“I don’t remember~”

they all collapse in despair

“that’s y/n alright..” Changbin says as he gets up, “but after 10 years.. why now?”

10 years; that’s how long it’s been since the accident; the accident that took your life

Chan, Changbin, Jisung and you were playing “kick the can;” where Jisung was the kicker and everyone else was hiding

Jisung caught you and was holding onto your hand while trying to find the others

Chan and Changbin came to your rescue and you all ran away from Jisung

you went a little too far and fell off the cliff and into the river as you were trying to avoid getting hit by the car 

“I think it has to do something with meeting each other again in 10 years...” Jisung says

Chan gets up, “I know it’s bad to see you like this..but it’s good to see you again..”

they all took the time to realize that you grew up in time even though you were last seen when you were 8 years old

“I’ve missed you guys~” you smiled as you said to them

it was like they all fell in love with you again

and never did they think that they would become friends with each other again

everyday after that, it was hard

they could only have you stay at the base or whenever anyone of them were free to take you around

it would be weird for them to look like they are talking to themselves, so it was always at least two people on both sides of you

for old time’s sake, they would fill you in on what they’ve been doing for 10 years

how many songs they’ve made.. how they were doing study-wise... how their families were doing...what they wanted to do after high school...

“summer’s 1 month away from being over and we still don’t know what you want us to do..” Changbin says as he throws a paper plane of scribbled out lyrics across the river

they’ve done just about everything they could’ve thought of; re-visiting your family (although your mom blames them for what happened, your father and brother understood that it wasn’t their fault and it was just an accident) or even going back to where the accident occurred

but nothing happened

“hmm... now thinking about it.. didn’t you say you wanted to make our own 3RACHA+M firework?” Chan says

you nod as you hugged your knees, “that sounds familiar...”

“was it that?” Jisung says, “actually, I know someone who crafts artisan fireworks!! let’s go see what we can do~” he ushers everyone out the door of the base

although they all seemed happy, they didn’t want you to go.. even though you weren’t physically there with them.. you were their in spirit

literally

the artisan was willing to help them design but that it was going to be pretty expensive and that it was going to take a little longer than a week

the three boys agreed; they all pitched in to do some type of part time work and asked for their allowances in advance

since they were all busy at work, you took the initiative to watch them in full on action

Changbin was working hard; cleaning up around the broadcasting station

Jisung was working at a fast food restaurant; always making sure he’s putting his smile into every order

Chan was exhausted working at as a construction worker

they haven’t been at the base as often but they would at least check in with you before and after they work

you would see bruises, band aids, and just bottles of energy & sport drinks

“are you okay?” you’d asked each and every one of them but the answer was the same

“don’t worry, y/n~ I’m fine”

you wished that there was something you could do for them, you vaguely remember how they always looked after you and to this day.. they are still looking after you

sometimes, they would take you out on walks at night.. not together as a whole but like 1 v 1

leader Chan was the most caring guy ever

even though you were a wandering spirit, he always looked out for you

“there’s a pole right there y/n..” he makes you feel human again

every time you remind him of an old memory, he has the impulse to whip out his composition book and write down inspirations for his next song

talking to Changbin alone was quite soothing... you knew that he tried to be a “dark” man back in the day and to this day he tries to keep with that concept..

“Changbin I bet you do a killer aegyo~” you joke around

he turns and pouts, “y/n calling me out is an ANDWAEYO”

legit heart attack

although he was more on the reserved side; he always started your guys’ conversations

with Jisung, it was like he never changed, he’s always the energetic vitamin of the group

he’s always making you laugh

“geez how much energy do you have?” you’d say after wiping a tear from laughing

“I don’t know.. lately I’ve been getting more energy,, maybe it’s cause I’m with you...”

you were forever grateful for them

the thing is.. how long can they keep this up? aren’t they sick of you? you didn’t want to feel like a chore.. but you didn’t want them to see you so upset so you always put forth your signature smile

it’s been a little more than a week or so since you’ve seen everyone together

“those guys at the broadcasting station were FILTHY I tell ya.. so glad that I was only working for a while..” Changbin plops into the seat next to you

“yo the guys at the construction site were so nice!! they let me have beer and fried chicken with them~” Chan jeers at Changbin

Jisung was the last one to sit down, “so do you guys have it?”

the three of them looked at you then at each other

SLAM

they all slammed the wads of cash onto the table

“y/n~ we’ll finally be ready to watch you go!” Jisung says as he feels a clench in his heart

Chan and Changbin smiled, but it wasn’t a happy one.. they wanted to be happy for you to move on.. but they can’t seem to move on 

“alrighty dighty then. let’s go guys~” you jumped up from your chair 

all four of you were waiting by the edge of the park with the firework all set up and ready to go

“y/n.. thank you for giving us closure and thank you for staying true to who you are.. we wouldn’t have grown up to be who are now if it wasn’t for you..” Chan says

“you never cease to disappoint me y/n.. you are still as airheaded as ever but it’s what makes you, you.. we’ll miss you a lot..” Changbin couldn’t lift up his head

Jisung walks up to you..”you will always be our muse.. y/n, you were the one that started our music career.. you’ll always be remembered.. and loved”

you gave them your signature smile before Chan lit the firework

the last thing you want to give them is another reason to keep on holding on to the past

FFHHHEEEEW

BOOM

CRACKLE

the design was something that they made themselves; they’ve always customized everything to their style.. but this one was a little different

usually the 3RACHA+M; had three chickens and an iris (flower of hope)

but the fireworks only displayed the three chickens

BOOM

there was another display right after that

it was a you with your signature smile that they managed to use from an old photo

as the fireworks disappeared into the skies and the street lamps came on again..

you were still standing there, right in front of them

Jisung falls back onto the ground “wh-what?”

“what happened..you’re still here..” Chan runs his hands through his hair in stress

“wasn’t this what you wanted?” Changbin says quietly..

you turned back to look at them

“I guess not~” 

they couldn’t say that they were happy that you didn’t pass on yet but the more you stayed the more they wouldn’t want you to leave

Changbin gets up, “well tomorrow’s our last day of summer... so let’s celebrate it? together? at the base?”

Jisung and Chan nodded in unison

“I’ll bring the food!” Jisung says.. then realizing that you can’t eat any of it..”AND THOSE FUN SPARKLERS SO WE CAN LIGHT IT UP YEAH?”

(nice save) Chan whispered

“hey you know... maybe we should do something special for us! 3RACHA+M has assembled after 10 years! let’s do a live perfomance”

“yo I was just thinking the same thing!” Changbin would say as he gives Jisung a high five

“I’m stoked!!” you’d jump in happiness

THE NEXT DAY

it might’ve been your imagination.. but you began to feel weaker..

“let’s play it safe..” you mumbled as you tried to write them a letter

at this point you couldn’t even lift a pencil with even one hand; with the support of the other hand you managed to write at least one thing you always wanted to let them know and shoved the letters in your pockets

you just sat there in fear.. just waiting for them to come

Jisung was the first to come, “good day to you, y/n~ how are you feeling?”

you cheerfully smiled at him even though you were feeling more weak than usual, “better than ever, now that you’re here~”

“what about me?” Changbin comes into the room smiling

Chan follows him after, “she’s only saying that because she was too excited to see me so she said it to the first person who walked in”

you all laughed as they playfully jab each other with pokes

they made you sit down and performed an array of songs; RUNNER’S HIGH, P.A.C.E., DOUBLE KNOT, MATRYOSHKA, TIK TOK and other called 10 YEARS UNTITLED

as they rapped and sang to you; you felt an overwhelming amount of saddness

the lyrics spoke to you; how it’s been 10 years since you left.. how they separated ways and came back to start making music with each other again.. and how you’ll always be their muse

you clapped as you cried

“you guys are truly so amazingly talented...why aren’t you guys famous yet?”

the three of them looked at each other..”we were going to tell you but.. I guess we can tell you now..”

Jisung breaks the anticiapation, “WE GOT CASTED WHEN WE WERE BUSKERING TO GET THE LAST OF THE PAYMENT FOR THE FIREWORKS!!”

Chan and Changbin smacked him, “I WANTED TO TELL HER THAT!!”

moments like these were to cherish for

“good job guys!!”

there was silence in the room

“did y/n go outside?” Chan says

“gu-guys.. I’m right here...” you’d say

“she would’ve said something..” Jisung says as he dashes out the door

“Y/N!!” Changbin yells as he follows after Jisung  

“you guys.. stop playing around..” you fell to your knees as you saw Chan’s tears stream from his eyes

“she can’t leave... not like this... not now...” he runs out of the room as well

you tried to run after them but you had no strength 

with all your might.. you followed after them

“Y/N! Y/N! WHERE ARE YOU!?” they’d all call one after the other

“I’m right here...” you were in so much fear but you persevered to keep on moving

they were running all around, calling out for you

night already fell for a while but they weren’t going to stop until they found you

every time you would hear their echos calling for you, you would respond in a teary, shaky voice.. “guys.. I’m right here..”

you saw a thin line of the sun rising as you sat down on a bench that had the best view of the whole city

you were trying to find the letters for wrote for them but they were no where to be found

Chan, Changbin and Jisung were all out of breath; they were walking back to the park...

“she’s really gone..” Jisung wipes his tear-stained eyes

Changbin notices 3 folded paper on the ground

he walks over to pick them up and realizes that each letter had one person’s name

“GUYS!”

he handed the letter to the guys

Chan; “I love how hardworking you are; remember to sleep!”

Changbin; “I love how bright you can be even though you are “dark”!”

Jisung; “I love how much energy you have; keep on smiling~”

Chan looks up and sees you sitting on the bench as the sun is almost over the mountain

“Y/N!!”

Changbin and Jisung immediately look up to see you resting on the bench

“hi guys~” you’d say weakly

they dash over to you but as the sun rises; they can visibly see the light since through you

“YOU CAN’T LEAVE YET!” Chan runs and almost trip 

“WE HAVEN’T EVEN DEBUTED YET!” Changbin chokes on his tears

“WE CAN’T LOSE YOU AGAIN!” Jisung screams his lungs out

“I really love you guys...” you mouthed 

by the time they got to the bench, you were gone

and a gust of wind rushed by

will they ever see you again?

no

but will they ever forget you?

never

END

[maxaroha]

Task 009 // Character Questionnaire

What are your character’s nicknames, if any? Since she was born Kaliope, her nickname is just Kali. Often, Levi will just call her Kal. She doesn’t mind, actually is happy to have people she loves call her anything. 

Do they have any bad habits? One of the worst habits Kali has is not getting enough sleep and staying up late. All the sneaking around that she does ends up giving her a perpetual tiredness most of the time.

Do they have any tattoos? If not, would they want one? Kali does have a tattoo, actually two of them! On her bicep on the inside of her arm, there is a few different herbs, beautifully simple, but reminds her of her mother and her serenity (here). On her wrist there is a small bird holding up a paintbrush, she loves this one because whenever she looks down at it, a spark of creativity hits her. Its like her muse (here).

Do they have any scars? How did they get them? She doesn’t have any scars. Kali has had many cuts and bruises, but nothing terribly permanent. 

How do they dress most of the time? Kali is very casual. When she is working in the medicine shop or out in town during the day, she dresses in slightly worn jeans and a worn plaid shirt and a grey t-shirt. Sometimes she has a sweatshirt and other times just her t-shirt. When she is out at night or trying to stay hidden Kali wears her dark long-sleeve shirt and black leggings. She always has her broken-in, handy brown boots. 

What words or phrases do they use frequently? There are not a lot of words or phrases that she says over and over again. She calls Levi a knucklehead a lot and everyday will tell her mom that she loves her. 

If anyone, who do they trust to protect them? Kali trusts Levi and her mother to protect her. But, she also knows that Levi has a responsibility to protect his family too. She trusts both of them with her life and know they wouldn’t do anything to harm her. 

Are they argumentative or do they avoid conflict? Kali tries to avoid conflict as much as possible. Trying to be invisible and draw in her own little world requires her to blend in as possible. Conflict does not allow her to do that very well. Also, she doesn’t think she would ever win any argument. 

Did they have any role models growing up other than their parents? No, her mother is the apple of Kali’s eye. She is the one and only that gives her the confidence to move on. 

When was the time when they were the most frightened? Kali was the most frightened the day that the mine exploded. She was scared for the Jamesons, but she was also scared for her mom. Kali knew she was going to help people after the mine exploded, but what if another one happened? What if her mom got hurt? What if she didn’t come back? She was scared as a bunch of scared kids and parents came in for remedies or to see Kali’s mom. Kali worked in silence, overwhelmed and hoping her mom would come through the door. Only when her mom was back in Kali’s eyesight did her fear ebb away. 

When was the time when they were the happiest? There was never one moment that was the happiest for Kali. Her life just before she was Reaped was the best time for her. She loved working with her mom every day. Seeing Levi and the Jamesons was like having a bigger family. Together they took on the world. In her spare moments, Kali worked on her art, honing it and working on commission pieces. And in the evenings and at opportune moments, Kali went to spy to add a little spice to her life. Every moment of her life was brimming with joy, even though they were still in relative poverty. 

What is their most embarrassing moment? As much as Kali likes to think she is the epitome of sneaking around there was a time when she would trip over her feet causing some scenes. Her worst one was a few months before the Reaping as she was climbing the top of the Hob. Kali knew that her target always ate lunch on the western edge of the Hob. Sometimes they would meet their mistress, so Kali was on scouting duty. However, as she scaled the side of the building she tripped on her shoelace and tumbled off of the roof at the entrance. Everyone looked at her, she had scraped up her arms, and her target had run off. 

Are they optimistic or pessimistic? Kali has always been pretty optimistic. Her life had been happy and she could always see her life continuing on that trajectory. Even as she entered the Games, her conviction to win gave her a bit of optimism, even though it was less than before. 

What is their most treasured possession? Kali’s most treasured possessions are her sketchbooks. She has all of them deposited around her room, but Kali has all of them still - every one since she was 8. 

How do they spend a typical Saturday night? If Kali is not out doing surveillance or finishing up a commission, the two neighbouring families of the Hilades and Jamesons will have a dinner and a games night together. Often, Kali will laugh until she cries at some point and Levi’s little sister will steal some of the extra dessert. 

What song would you use to describe them? I Like That - Janelle Monae

Are they introverted or extroverted? She is definitely an introvert. Kali loves spending time at her desk painting and drawing alone. 

Are they organized or messy? Very messy! Her desk and room is cluttered with everything she finds and all of her art supplies. Whenever she is in the medicine shop there are jars and bottles left out and herbs left out on the desk. 

What do they like about themselves? Of course she loves her creative talent. Kali has been hailed as a great artist and she finds joy every time she draws. Other than that, Kali loves her hair. It is wonderous and she enjoys playing with it during her stakeouts and whenever she is nervous or stressed. 

How do they relax? Kali relaxes by taking her sketchbook with her down to the medicine shop and setting it on the table while her mom mixes some medicinal concoctions that she is low on. She draws and helps her mom make her mixtures while they chat about everything and anything. Spending time with her mom while doing things she loves and are good at relax her immensely. 

What is their ideal date? Kali never went on many dates, she was always too busy and the people she connected with never held her attention for long. But, she would love to stop by the bakery and pick up some pastries and then stroll to a bench and people-watch somewhere, chatting and enjoying the atmosphere of a packed place. 

Do they want children? Why or why not? She would love children. Kali wants to teach them the happiness of life. She wants her mom to be happy and surrounded by a bustling household. Despite this, she doesn’t care whether or not it is with a partner. Kali will adopt to give kids some beautiful lives and show them beauty in the melancholy. 

Where do they see themselves in five years? Kali sees herself exactly where she was in Twelve. She would like to have a relationship. Maybe they have been dating for a couple of years and they enjoy spending time with her mom. As well, she would love to have her art business become more legit and more prominent for money making. 

What would be their three wishes if they found a genie’s lamp? Money to enjoy a comfortable life. Mom to find her true love.  A proper art studio.

Describe your character sitting in their favourite spot. Kali walked over to the bench outside of the Justice Building, a tea in hand and her sketchbook in the other. She laid the book on the wooden slats, taking a sip of tea while she sat down. For a few moments, she let the sunshine stream through the tree beside the bench, warming her up. Her eyes scanned the square and the little shops that lined it, looking for someone or something to draw. She smiled at some of her neighbours, but their eyes often didn’t register her or seemed to be too busy to smile back. Kali opened her sketchbook and started to draw. 

[mommymadnez]

Ladies and gentlemen… I may have gone missing for awhile… However I am alive. There were times I did not think I was going to remain that way but I am still here. Was I losing my mind? Maybe just a little. Even had a couple surgeries. Which you would think would have allowed me the downtime to write but I think I was scared to put myself out there since I was going through a lot. In the midst of all that was going on my computer was becoming ancient, like 2009 ancient. Don’t get me wrong, my Mac is incredible but trying to type a small paragraph was taking an eternity. And sure, I could do it from my phone, a lot of my blogs start in my notes app. But sometimes I just like the feel of really typing, ya know? And it helps keep you sharp.

Plus I’m good at it. And I think sometimes my mind and my fingertips create an orchestra of thoughts, sounds, and rhythm all on their own. So now I sound crazy so let’s just say it’s therapeutic. So when my computer started getting wonky and my life got crazier, taking care of me and doing what I needed or wanted to do for myself kind of stopped mattering. So the blog, my photography, art, just about all my creative outlets took a back seat. BUT NOW…. My tools are working and I am thrilled with them. So now I have no excuses. (aside from working and raising 3 kids)

Usually my blogs are about my kids and my parenting struggles and breakthroughs but I think today its gonna be about me. We lose ourself in parenting, being a spouse, working, and all the other hats we are required to wear, I swear. I worry so much about putting all of everyone else’s needs before my own that I have truly lost sight of myself and who I am and what I NEED. But I think as moms we are all guilty of this from time to time. The thing that really has hit a nerve with me is that I was someone before I was a wife and mother. I know I may not have been the greatest version of myself but my needs came first back then. I wasn’t defined by who my children are and who I married. I was just me. Wild, spastic, living out in space some where, me. Unapologetically me.

Back in the day going out with my friends, we would pretty much have fun no matter where we went or what we did because we were all so wild and full of life and hope. I may have leaned a little on the annoying, loud and wild side. So it blows my mind to think back on all those teenage and early 20 days and then look now to my lack of socialization with the outside world and my anxiety riddled life as of late. Do not get me wrong, working from home is AHHH-mazing and I wouldn’t change it for the world. But whether I work with people in a virtual office or a physical one I do not believe it is the cure for bringing the old vibrant me back. So I definitely would not change that aspect of my life. Especially since I already struggle being a “people person.” Dealing with the public everyday in physical form would probably have me ripping my hair out. Plus you can’t really put people on hold in real life.

I always viewed my self as very plain Jane-ish. So a lot of what I felt I lacked physically I would try to make up for by being comedic relief… Or, someone who could take you for a ride in my Blue Beast making you forget all your problems by jammin to some gangster rap cruising through town… maybe we’d head a half hour outta town if we were feeling rebellious.  Probably just ended up at Walmart since we we minors. But hey, we got to go off the grid. We didn’t have cell phones to constantly keep us connected to everyone we know. Our parents couldn’t pull us up on the GPS. It felt free. Life felt full of joy and hope for the future. Even the bad days didn’t last very long because we were young. Our minds and hearts (and our skin) could bounce back a whole lot faster. I love my life as a mother do not get me wrong but every once in awhile I miss those carefree days. I miss only worrying about keeping myself alive.

I took care of me, numero uno. My future, my goals those were all things that mattered so much and were suppose to shape who I was to become as a grown adult. It was about what would make me find my happiness. My hopes and dreams of my young adult days did not pan out quite as expected. I had an idea of what my life would look like and I never imagined it would turn out the way it did. It is more than I ever could have imagined a life to be. I didn’t know unconditional love until I had children. And as painful as that love can be sometimes I would never give up experiencing this current life.

You learn to embrace those changes you didn’t see coming. That broken road that led you in a path you couldn’t in your wildest dreams have imagined. You accept those changes knowing that God had a purpose and a hand in all of this.

I see now I was not meant to be the Audrey Hepburn look alike I wanted to be. Guess I just don’t have the legs… I would never be as tall or thin or fancy! But that’s the life I thought I wanted. Ah! Breakfast at Tiffanys. I wanted a life in the big city. Fast, crazy times, studio apartments, cocktail parties, fancy dresses. And I wouldn’t have dared to own a yard. I can not mow worth a crap… So I got married! Ha!!! That’s just jokes, I married him because I can’t open pickle jars by myself. 2Liters can be tricky too! 😉

ANYWAYS! those of you who know me know I am by no means a successful artist living a fancy lifestyle. I moved back to my small home town. I’m a mom of three wild children who works at home and rarely gets dressed. My getting dressed requires my “goin out” yoga pants. They usually pair nicely with a sweater boots combo… But don’t let the nice looking sweater fool you. All my sweaters have some form of stains living on them somewhere. Probably throw up. So yeah definitely envisioned a different lifestyle.

So we embrace these new chapters in life. This chapter involves a whole lot more balance and a whole lot more people to feed, clothe and keep alive. When I truly think about it though, those old days of only keeping me alive were so long ago that the memories have really began to fade. My brain really only has room for so many memories at a time. I am getting more and more aware of my age and my sanity as my mind has slowly started slipping away.

I do see little pieces of the fun crazy me I use to be begin to creep out from time to time when I play with my kids. When I do things that are silly and out of character for mama they look at me strangely at first but then burst out laughing and just look at me again like, who is this woman? And what has she done with our mean mother? I have come to the realization that, this family, these people I live with, who know so much about me now, know absolutely nothing about who I was prior to their existence. I mean they know the 2019 me so well they like to mimic my laugh… and the way I brush my teeth and my hair… or the way I wrap a towel around my head! “I’m mama! Look at me!” That’s what they say when they are making fun of me. Which is usually a lot.

  I try to teach them a little about who I am through music I loved. I find time to play my favorites for them. In the car, or the tub, I don’t force it, I just let them listen and absorb.

So of course my heart melted the other day as we listened to Fleetwood Mac and my daughter asked me to send her the song! She is 100% my complete mini clone… SUPER SENSITIVE! She loves to sing, dance, use her imagination and draw. She is just all around happy and in love with life and the entire world around her. She reminds me a great deal of the old me. The one I seem to have lost. The other day I watched her as she slept and couldn’t stop thinking of how I want her to always stay carefree, creative and in love with life. I don’t want the weight of the world, the stress of families and relationships, others expectations, finances, or work to steal her joy. I always remind her of how beautiful, smart and funny she is and to never believe anyone if they tell her different. I truly believe she will be okay because she is fierce and I know that she will never let anyone or anything kill that spark and the joy within her.

So that brings me full circle to how do I find my lost joy? It sure wasn’t in that last jar of peanut butter I smashed. Yes of course, I find joy that I’m live, living and breathing right now. I also embrace the joy I find in my family and lifes other random little miracles. But is there a way to bring back a carefree spirit after years of isolation, anxiety, depression and stressors? Or the candy dishes of medications that did a number on me. They were suppose to either make me happy or make me want to die. Boy that seems like a great kind of drug/illness to take such a gamble on, right? Not like we are talking about pills for, uhm, the gout. Legit Mental health medications, prrrretttty much all of them have the possibility to cause suicidal ideations. Imagine those people who are already at their breaking point finally reaching out to a doctor for help; “Suicidal? Ah yes! Try this… It may make you feel better but your body might start to get tremors, you may have blurred vision and don’t forget the risk of erectile dysfunction. Oh, and you’ll also gain 50 pounds……… or it could make you want to kill yourself… even more… The kicker is, ya never know! You must give this drug 6-8 weeks for it to take affect. So here ya go! Have fun! May want to warn your family. Here take this pamphlet with 175 side effects to look out for” Oh boy… we will not journey down this road because that is more of a novel than a blog post.

With that being said, feel free to let me know if anyone wants to hear some crazy stories about my journey into the world of mental health in America. I got plenty. Boy I can tell ya we are missing the mark as a society when addressing mental health. There I go again, I must digress… This was not the point of the blog post. It’s actually suppose to be more like, “Hey hi! I’m going try to be back and write and take pictures on a regular basis, but, ya know… I got ADHD and tend to get easily distracted.”

So for those of you who actually read this super dope awesome long post, what do you do for yourself that brings you joy? Parenting and family aside, I want to know what you do for you?

I use to run and do yoga but I recently had a couple surgeries that didn’t go as greatly as anticipated so those stress releasing activities are currently on hold. I am going to try to get back into my writing and photography. Maybe the guitar some more. I have done some drawings recently and it felt really good. So I feel like I’m kinda headed in the right direction. I have hope that I am still buried deep inside of me in this shell of a former version of myself just waiting to come out and feel confident, joyful, and just be me again. I want my kids to know I was someone before I was “mama.” and I want to feel like that someone again. I need to learn more balance and how to put my oxygen mask on first because lately I’m struggling to breath and I think everyone else may be struggling because of it.

I put on a zip up hoodie the other day that was my absolute favorite in high school. It brought back some great memories, and side note, made me pretty freakin excited it fit me just as good, if not better, than it did before. It makes me pretty nervous putting all this out there after being MIA for so long. I feel like it sounds like a pity party like “woah is me… I don’t act all fun and crazy and hyper anymore and I have no energy and I have been known to… on occasion… yell… I feel old and crotchety, blah get off my lawn!”

At the same time I needed to start somewhere and why just dip my toe in? Midaswell just type out what is on my mind. Hopefully this helps anyone else out there struggling with some of the same thoughts I’ve had lately. I want my kids to realize I’m more than just good at the way I can cut a peanut butter sandwich. Theres more behind the weary worn down personality you have known the past few years. Now let’s go find her!

  Hello World It’s me, again… Ladies and gentlemen... I may have gone missing for awhile... However I am alive. There were times I did not think I was going to remain that way but I am still here.