#leaving just two heartbroken voices hurting in perfect harmony

[geek-fashionista]

You only know what I want you to I know everything you don't want me to Oh, your mouth is poison, your mouth is wine You think your dreams are the same as mine Ooh, I don't love you, but I always will Ooh, I don't love you, but I always will I don't love you, but I always will I always will I wish you'd hold me when I turn my back The less I give the more I get back Ooh, your hands can heal, your hands can bruise I don't have a choice, but I still choose you Oh, I don't love you, but I always will Oh, I don't love you, but I always will I don't love you, but I always will Oh, I don't love you, but I always will I don't love you, but I always will I don't love you, but I always will I don't love you, but I always will I always will I always will I always will I always will I always will

[anasticep]

Why Julie and the Phantoms is a masterpiece of a show. Part 1 of 3

· NOTE: if somehow you happen to like my gifs, please, feel free to use them. But, please, don’t crop or change.

· NOTE 2: This meta has been flourishing in my mind for quite a long time, but it was @catty-words meta on Perfect Harmony that inspired me to actually put it all on paper

· NOTE 3: I planned two parts of this, but ended up with far more gifs than a post allows. I dunno. Not sure if anyone will actually be interested in this rumbling. Probably it won’t even be a new and outstanding thinking. I’ll see how it goes.

What sets a good show apart? I’ll tell you exactly this: the pilot and the finale.

Whether it’s a season finale or a grand finale, it doesn’t matter for a scenario. People tend to forget the middle, that’s why all we remember about LOST is this weird full of dead people church that simply left the fans heartbroken. But frankly speaking, LOST ended so much better then most modern shows. And honestly I get why it’s so hard to keep track on things after 6 years and such a long row of characters. That’s why making a season in one take is so much better, when writers do not depend on what the fans think or like or ship. They simply do their job.

Do I need to say that our brain clearly remembers everything we throw at it? We think we forget, but that’s not quite true. That’s also the reason how we distinguish what we like and dislike – we remember all the small things and foreshadowing. Also that’s why we keep re-watching the shows we love: we simply acknowledge what our brain already knows. We simply find that thread that links everything together.

And they can be simple things. But first on what made this script a masterpiece for me: first and last scenes in the studio (+some things from 0102 band circle scene of 0109).

1. The Studio Intro

In 0101 Julie hesitates to go in the garage. She was reluctant to go in the first place. It signifies everything she’s lost: mother, music, voice. She inhales deeply, steadying herself. She can do this.

In 0109 it’s quite the opposite. She wanted to go there even though she knew the guys had already crossed over. Now this place signifies everything she gained back and more: music, voice, friends and, of course, a way back to her mother. She did it.

And this is a perfect visual explanation of the line “It’s not what you lost, it’s what you gain raising your voice to the rain”

2. The Band Intro

Can you see it the way I see it? It’s not a coincidence, it’s been done on purpose. Julie is mortified both times but for completely different reasons. In 0101 she is scared OF them. In 0109 she is scared FOR them. It’s so heartbreakingly beautiful it even hurts.

3. Personal space

In 0101 Julie and Luke are both scared of each other. See that extra step she did to push him away? Or the way he acts as if Julie is really a witch that could curse him? And who needs any personal space in 0109? These scenes show their journey in the best way possible.

4. You have to leave

In 0101 after accepting the fact that she was sane enough and these three ghosts really existed Julie is simply annoyed. She orders them to leave. She doesn’t what them to exist in her life. She has no time to deal with these dead cute boys. She wants them gone.

In 0109 after acknowledging that their plan has failed she also wants them gone. She orders them to leave again. But she wants to save them and for now that’s the only way she can think of. It’s better than not existing at all, even if it means not existing in her life.

And just look at the directing. The shots are almost twins! Julie mimics the scene from 0101 almost entirely, although it hits on a different level. I don't exactly know why it makes me so excited, probably I'm just very tired of mediocre scripts.

5. Maybe she’s a witch

I’m sure she is at least to some extent. It’s such a wonderful foreshadowing. I hope in season 2 we'll find out more but I think the perception on this in "Feels like I’ve opened my eyes again" by @pink-flame is very close if not almost entirely accurate to what I thought about season 2 and all this magic thing. Such a masterpiece of a fanfiction btw, I wish I found the show sooner and was reading it chapter by chapter. One of the best things I've read so far in any fandom.

6. Attached to our souls & 7. She's warming up to us

Do I need to say much? That’s the magic Julie has: her love for these boys. They are attached to her soul.

8. We had nowhere else to go

To think about it, they didn’t need Julie’s permission to stay in the first place. Like… How on earth would she even get rid of them? But that’s what defined these friendship from the start. They asked for permission in 0101 and in 0109 Luke’s words are almost apologetic that they ended up in her garage again.

9. I'm sorry we came into your life

Again, look at how both episodes have been shot. 0101 they stand apart, not knowing anything about each other yet. They both are not very comfortable with the whole situation and Luke voices what Julie might be thinking: why me? In 0109 Julie answers her past self that it was a blessing and a miracle. They are the closest they've ever got to be and the most sincere.

10. I have space for only one more gif and I'm simply fond of this parallel. We need a Witch!Julie AU)))))

________________________

Due to the pics limit I have to stop here. But there is so much more to say. So stay tuned to see Parts two and three if you liked this one. God, I hope you did

[kmikaelsonimagines]

Exile: A Kol Mikaelson Imagine

Request from Anon: I feel like requesting exile is like requesting you to hurt me but here we go <3

Hope this is okay for you lovely, and enjoy x 

Want to hear the song? Find a link to it just below:

Exile

I can see you standing, honey With his arms around your body Laughin', but the joke's not funny at all

Kol knew that Y/N wasn’t his anymore.

He knew that she had moved on, could see her with her new boyfriend across the street. He had his arms around her waist from behind, laughing into her neck as they fumbled down the road.

Kol grit his teeth. Those should have been his arms around her, holding her tight like she was the most precious thing in the world, should have been his laughter mingling with hers, a song of the most perfect harmonies.

He hated that he had let her go, hated that she was happy without him. He smiled at her as she caught his gaze. She smiled back before he walked away, not being able to cope with anymore of such an affectionate display, not sure he could control himself if the new boyfriend so much as kissed her.

What he didn’t see was the sadness in her eyes, the longing in her face as her gaze followed him until he was out of sight.

What he didn’t see was that she wasn’t happy, that she wanted him back, that she wanted him to fight for her.

What he didn’t see was that, without him, she felt alone. Exiled. 

And it took you five whole minutes To pack us up and leave me with it Holdin' all this love out here in the hall

“Well, what do you want me to do?”

“I don’t know.” Y/N’s voice was quiet as she spoke, as she told Kol that she didn’t know what she wanted. She had come to him with doubts, told him that things weren’t right between them, that the pressures of his family were inflicting on her dedication to him.

She could have asked him to leave his family behind, but she didn’t, knew she couldn’t. So she had asked him to make a change, something that would help, but she just didn’t know what that change was.

“Y/N, look at me.” Kol crouched down in front of her. “You and me, okay? We’ll work through this. We always do.”

“I don’t think we can work through this one, Kol.”

Kol stood up then, a mixture of anger and heartbreak flooding his features. “So what happens now?”

“I think we should break up.”

It took five minutes for Y/N to leave, both of their hearts breaking. Kol looked after her with love in his heart, standing in the doorway for what seemed like hours before he snapped out of his heartbroken trance.

He didn’t even try to fight for her.

He didn’t even try to keep the love of his life from leaving him.

I think I've seen this film before And I didn't like the ending You're not my homeland anymore

Kol did the thing he probably shouldn’t have done. Two months on from the break-up and he called Y/N, drunk and missing her.

“Kol?”

“I love you. This isn’t how we were supposed to end. This isn’t the end of our story, Y/N, I know it isn’t.”

“Kol, you’re drunk.”

“So? Tell me I’m wrong, Y/N.”

“Kol, I have a boyfriend.”

He hung up, her words sinking in. Surely this wasn’t real, surely he was living in some sort of absurd movie. If this was the ending, he didn’t like it. It made him snap at his family members, made him angry at the world.

He no longer felt at home. Home was wherever Y/N was, and she wasn’t his anymore. She had moved on, and the next time he saw her, she apologised, showed him pity where pity wasn’t wanted. He had shaken the hand of her new boyfriend, resisting the urge to break every bone just by squeezing.

Y/N wasn’t his anymore and it was killing him.

But she wanted them to remain friends. He had agreed, but there was an unspoken understanding between them. He would always love her, no matter what.

He hoped she would always love him.

So what am I defending now? You were my town, now I'm in exile, seein' you out I think I've seen this film before

Kol was surprised when Y/N’s boyfriend confronted him the day after their sad exchange of smiles, telling him to stay away from her, that his presence was only upsetting her. Kol could have answered, could have lashed out, but killing the idiot would only upset Y/N further and he didn’t want that.

He could have fought for her then, could have told the boyfriend that if Y/N wanted him to stay away she could have told him herself. He had a feeling that she would have, knew her to be strong and unafraid. The words that had greeted Kol were not those of his Y/N, and he knew that.

But instead, he just glared at the man as he walked away, grinding his teeth as he fought all of his natural urges.

“What did he say to you?” Kol turned to face Y/N, the irritation on his face disappearing the moment he saw the concern on hers.

“To stay away from you.”

Y/N wiped her hands over her face, exhaustion clouding her eyes. “I’m sorry about him.”

Kol could have taken the opportunity to tell her what he saw when he looked at her in that moment. He could have told her that she didn’t have to stay with her boyfriend if she wasn’t happy, that he would take her back in a heartbeat. She might have kissed him then, the ending to the movie that Kol wanted.

But he didn’t.

“It’s okay.”

If only he had fought for her. Then she would have told him that she still loved him.

Masterlist

Folklore Masterlist

[yacoka]

CASUAL CRUELTY

pairing — akaashi keiji x reader

genre — angst

beta — @doughnuts-5ever

The thundering of your heart was all you could hear. It filled your ears, drowning you in its erratic beat, deafening in the silence of your hollow home. That was all you heard ever since he left, the too loud drumming of your soul calling him home. But he was never going to, not after how things ended.

The door slammed shut, the sound echoing off the walls and burying itself in your chest. The warmth that runs downs your face chills you to the bone as you watch Keiji from the window. That steady gait of his, one that you were so familiar with it walking towards you was now heading away, into the car you chose together, that you had spent so many nights and days in.

Turn around, please, turn around and come back to me.

But the car started, and with it ended your story together as he drove out of the driveway and into the dimly lit streets.

Six months had passed in a daze, punctuated only by the glimpses you caught of Keiji at the university you attended together, the brief mentions of him by your friends in passing conversations. When he had come to clear out his belongings, for which you weren’t present to witness, courtesy of your mutual friends, all you wanted to do was run home and beg him to stay. But you didn’t, you couldn’t. You had too much pride to be the one who apologizes first, and so you continued to break silently.

Tonight your heart beats steadily, thrumming in your head. It had started as a soft rhythm when you walked through the doors, turning into a stuttering beat as you made your way into your room, and now it was a pounding that resounded, almost like familiar heavy footsteps going up the stairs-

You flung your room door open, hope trickling in your veins. But all that met you was the empty stairwell, and the photos you had left up in hopes that he would return, you would be together once more, happy.

A mirthless chuckle breaks out of you, your heart deflating as you stared down the stairs. Of course he wasn't there, why would he be? He hadn't come back all those months ago, why would he now?

Retreating back into your bedroom, you shut the door once more, closing the door on your naive, hopeful heart. There was nothing waiting on the other side, he was not waiting on the other side.

You curled back into the spot where he used to lay, where it no longer smelled like him, only you. It hadn’t smelled like him for months now, not when the only occupant was you. Even buying the same brand of cologne he wore and spraying it all over the bed didn’t seem to replicate his scent.

If you were being honest, you didn’t need to stay in this house built for two, not when there was only one person left. But it was all you had left of him.

The restlessness in you builds, memories of your past blending in, the distant echo of his voice in harmony. It rises, and rises, and rises until it crescendos, forcing you to your feet. You need to do something, to find something, to find him.

It’s nothing but pure instinct that carries you into the study room, where you’ve spent many a night curled up in Keiji’s lap in the big, old antiqued chair he thrifted. You could almost remember how it felt to have his arms wrapped around you, chin propped on your shoulder as he studied for yet another one of the billion tests he had always going on.

It feels almost wrong to be sitting in that chair without him, but you do it anyways. And almost instantly do you regret it, for it provides you with an almost perfect view of the whole room. You can see the little trinkets upon the table by the door, the once-white lamp that doesn’t actually work, the empty spaces in the bookshelf you used to share. There’s so many memories in a room so empty, and it leaves you feeling like the bookshelf, with large gaping holes in a place that used to be whole.

You barely register the sharp ringing of your phone, and it is only the familiar voice speaking through it that jolts you out of your daze.

“Y/n.” His voice is soft, gentle as always. It’s been far too long since you’ve heard it, and you’re not quite sure how to feel.

“Keiji.” Your voice has never sounded weaker, so vulnerable.

“I miss you,” the quiet admittance has you biting back the speech that you’ve rehearsed for months.

“I miss you too.”

There’s a pause in the conversation, and you realize with a small start that you can hear faint music in the background.

“Keiji, are you at a party?” You ask hesitantly. He’s never been one for large crowds, and if he really was at a party…

“Yeah,” he replies. “Someone from my class invited me.”

There’s a slight slur to his words.

“You’re drunk,” your disappointment is evident in the way you sigh, and you can almost envision Keiji’s face on the other side of the phone. He’d scrunch up his nose a little at your tone, his eyes narrowing in annoyance.

“And?” his voice sharpens and you flinch slightly.

“And you probably didn’t mean to call me, did you?” You laugh bitterly.

“...Probably not.” He admits, and it still hurts, even though you knew the answer before he said it.

“You’re going to regret this in the morning Keiji.” You sigh once more, running a tired hand over your face.

“Maybe so, but I miss you.” You can hear the slight rustling of clothes and something shifting, before he grunts slightly.

“Keiji-“

“Just, just pretend for tonight, please? Pretend we’re okay, and we’re happy, and we’re together?” He sounds so desperate, so sad, so heartbroken that you can’t prevent the yes that slips out. You know it’ll only hurt you more, but you still let him slip past your guard, bury the knife in your heart, if only it meant you got a little more time with him.

You’d let him call you up just to break you like a promise, over, and over, and over again.

[anais-mitchell]

hadestown 7/3/19

Here are my extremely extra, barely coherent, thoughts on seeing Hadestown live on a song by song basis! Nobody asked for this and it took forever but I’m nothing if not embarrassingly extra. 

Road to Hell: The way they walk onstage with zero fanfare is just amazing. Andre took like 30 seconds to start the song, he looked out at the audience and unbuttoned his coat and it was sooo funny. He owned this song as always, the energy was so high and the audience was having the best time! One detail I loved was when Hermes introduced Orpheus, Persephone looked so proud like “that’s m’boy.” Then he waved his hand super excitedly and it was the cutestt. 

Any Way the Wind Blows: First of all, Orpheus is watching Eurydice in awe during this whole song. When she says “anybody got a match?” he starts frantically rifling through his pockets for one before she gets one from Hermes. Eva portrays Eurydice’s scrappy, emotionally guarded nature so well during this song, you can really feel how rough her life has been and why she’d be hesitant to trust someone like Orpheus with her heart. When she first lights her candle, Clotho blows it out immediately and gets such a vicious joy from it. The next time Eurydice lights it, she cups her hands around it and glares at Clotho which was SO GOOD. 

Come Home With Me: This works way better live than in audios and is 10x better than the previews version. The audience cracks up after “cOmE hOmE wItH mE.” Also, before he goes over to her he’s trying to craft a paper flower for her (which she looks at like “wtf is this.”) It’s clear Eurydice isn’t really taking him seriously but is still intrigued, and she’s having a good time with him so why not humor him? Also Reeve’s movements as Orpheus are super fast and jerky which just makes the awkward humor even better.

Wedding Song: AHH SO FLIRTY AND FUN. You can tell they really challenge each other with their polar opposite worldviews. When Eurydice says “you wanna take me home?” she flashes her shoulder under her coat and poses dramatically which is the most Eva thing I’ve ever seen. The turning point comes hard when Orpheus sings his song and procures the rose, and Eurydice’s admiration and wonder are so real it hurts my heart. Also the way Orpheus perks up at “when we’re wed” kills me. Eva went up on “and the trees gonna lay the wedding table” which I like better than taking it down. 

Epic I: Amber looks absolutely radiant when she stands up and stares out in the middle of the song, that is all. But Reeve sounded lovely and the staging wasn’t what I expected, I always thought he was sitting during this number. 

Livin’ It Up On Top: The Biggest Bop To Ever Bop. Everyone is so excited to see Persephone and she is So Drunk. I’ve heard the kiss goodbye to Hades is often different show-to-show; at my show, she kissed him on the cheek and he didn’t really look up at all. Then when she was towards the stairs she looked back to see if he would be looking at her and he wasn’t so she looked pissed before descending. Amber’s energy and dancing are on fire during this number, it really just has to be seen. Before Eurydice was pushed into dancing by Persephone, she was chatting with John’s character and it was really cute. Also ORPHEUS’S TOAST!!! It’s such a sobering moment in the middle of the party and everyone can find some truth in it in their life. But right after, the music springs back to life SO LOUDLY and made me ridiculously happy. What a fun number.

All I’ve Ever Known: SOFT SOFT SOFT SOFT. Eurydice’s vulnerability throughout this song and Orpheus’s constant reassurement of how much he loves her,,, chef’s kiss especially considering how the plot develops after. When Orpheus begins his part, Eurydice is turned away from him and when he sings “who am I that I should get to hold you?” she does a tiny head shake like she’s not deserving of it :(( but then when he sings his next line she turns around and starts singing with him. The interlude is so beautifully choreographed and intimate (but #EurydiceTops) and the ending + the kiss just melt my heart. They continue kissing into the train whistle for WDH. OH ALSO!! Persephone is off to the side watching them for the whole song with a very bittersweetly romantic expression… she’s definitely thinking about when she and Hades were young and in love like that… 

Way Down Hadestown: Everyone’s reaction to this song starting is so fucking funny, Hermes and the Fates look so excited for the Drama™️, Persephone is pissed and needs a goddamn drink, and Orphydice just want everyone to go tf away so they can cuddle. (Seriously though Orpheus and Eurydice are so ridiculously cute in the background of this number) I’m obsessed with Amber’s bent over exorcism dance and her energy throughout the song, it’s such a last hurrah for Persephone above ground and she’s going to make the most of it damnit. Eurydice’s curiosity grows throughout the song and she starts drifting away from Orpheus until Hades’ entrance, and his entrance is SO COOL. As annoyed as Seph is to go back under, you can see a glimmer of excitement at seeing Hades again especially since she doesn’t realize how much he’s changed Hadestown. The ending of the song is so good and Eva’s belting kills me.

A Gathering Storm: Orpheus and Eurydice are staring up into the audience at the “storm” which adds a really cool ominous effect. What was even more ominous was all the ensemble finding different exits from the stage (I was mostly watching John who exited through Hades’ balcony door, but they all used a different one) and backing off the stage completely dead eyed. Definitely a nice visual symbol of them becoming the workers. Eva conveyed Eurydice’s fear and anxiety so well, especially with the Fates bringing back the “wind comes up” motif; the return of this motif, especially after Eurydice’s vulnerability during All I’ve Ever Known, is a great manifestation of Eurydice’s doubt in her decision and her security with Orpheus.

Epic II: Reeve’s voice Big Pretty. I love the staging of this Epic with Orpheus all alone on stage, it’s hard not to believe in the power of his song once the music picks up with “king of mortar.” I also really love how the workers come up as a visual representation of the evolution of Hadestown. + the transition to Chant makes me NUT.

Chant: Seph’s look of absolute disgust as she enters Hadestown is soo good and I LOVE the workers choreo. One thing that really surprised me was that while Amber brought a lot of anger to Persephone, there was also so much sadness? Especially when she was listening to Hades justifying his actions, it was like a devastated horror and despair rather than unflinching anger. (Also her mic went out a tiny bit during her lines but it’s barely noticeable listening back to it) Orpheus is so in his own world during his bits and we are ALL Hermes yelling at him to “look up!” The most iconique part of the song though is 100% “the gods have forgotten the song of their love” where everything stops and Persephone rips her hand away from Hades and then Orpheus goes right back in with the la la las. As for Eurydice’s verses, Eva’s vocals may not have been as strong as they could be but her acting killed me. You really got the sense that she wanted to believe in Orpheus, she wanted to believe that she could be optimistic like him but the world was dragging her down into her jaded ways. The Fates were so vindictive grabbing her bag/jacket and she was crying when she fell on the floor :((

Hey Little Songbird: My mom as soon as this song started: “Did he win a Tony?” I really didn’t get predatory vibes from this which I liked as a directorial choice, it was a lot more like Hades was just laying the offer out and not like he had underlying sexual motives. (That being said... the way he skulks around stage... Big Hot) My favorite dumb detail in this number though was definitely how after “they’ll take you down, they’ll pick you clean” the Fates lined up and gave Eurydice a little wave with the most sinister smiles on their faces.

When the Chips Are Down: This song starts with Hades walking offstage and leaving Eurydice alone (except for the Fates and Hermes as the narrator) to consider his offer, and she’s standing at the front of the stage in the same pose from the Tonys performance with the two coins in her hand. Eurydice seems extremely overwhelmed and emotionally tortured by the Fates; they taunt her by twirling her around and pretending to include her in their dances which distresses her a lot. But you can tell that they’re just confirming what she’s already thinking. And man are the Fates GLORIOUS. They’re so much fun and their harmonies are incredible. I still can’t believe Jewelle Blackman just exists with a voice like That... HOW.

Gone, I’m Gone: Eva sang this a lot differently than I’ve heard in usual audios? It was still excellent but I guess she was just trying some new things with it. (Not to harp about how much I love Eva but her acting is just so fluid and adaptable depending on what she’s feeling that performance, no two performances are the same with her for sure) She was so heartbroken but also very resolute :((

Wait for Me: STUNNING SHOWSTOPPING BEAUTIFUL PERFECT NEVER SEEN BEFORE NEVER THE SAME- Yeah this was good. Orpheus’ pure panic at seeing Eurydice gone and how he immediately throws himself into rescuing her THAT’S LOVE BITCH. When the workers start rotating on stage during “how to get to Hadestown” their lights are shining straight out into the audience and it makes you feel like you really are a part of the number. Not going to harp on the staging too much considering we’ve all seen the Tonys performance but the swinging lights took my breath away and when the stage opens up with his la la las and the lights of Hadestown shine so brightly and the workers are staring up in awe? (Hadestown absolutely deserved best set design don’t @ me) The best moment in the whole show. All the fuss about this number is so justified. It’s utterly incredible.

Why We Build the Wall: The staging of this is so simple yet so effective. The workers stand up ramrod straight and resume their dead eyed look as soon as Hades (and Persephone) enter the stage. This song hits so hard in 2019 and I’m so grateful it exists. Tbh though I COULD NOT take my eyes off of Amber the whole song, well at least until Eva ascended lol. Her barely masked horror and despair are so well conveyed yet she has to sing this song she couldn’t believe in less. After seeing it live, I much prefer the lack of a Eurydice solo- in this version, Eurydice doesn’t sing at all until the final line, rather just taking in the entirety of Hadestown wide-eyed and almost scared until she assimilates. It doesn’t really fit this characterization of Eurydice for her to have already internalized the mantra of the workers and I much prefer seeing Eva’s face journey up until she reluctantly sings the final line. By far my favorite part of this song (which I could honestly write an essay on) is the moment right after Hades calls Eurydice to his office; Eurydice and Persephone share the longest look that I couldn’t put my finger on for a while, but I think the best way to describe it is just utter powerlessness. Eurydice is powerless to refuse Hades and is scared of what might happen, but her looking at Persephone for help does nothing because she’s equally as powerless to stop her husband from fulfilling his power trip. It’s such a subtle moment between the two women at the mercy of a man and gahhh I could talk about it forever.

Our Lady of the Underground: I WOULD DIE FOR AMBER GRAY, I STILL CANNOT BELIEVE I SAW THIS SHIT LIVE. She’s one of the greatest performers of our lifetime and deserves every award ever. She enters the stage arm in arm with Hermes which is so cute but homegirl is SCHWASTED. She keeps on taking swigs from her flask and her dancing is just so ridiculous but works so well?? Her life is falling apart but she’s having the time of her life which is honestly relatable. One cool thing about this number when I saw it is that half the band was different so I got to hear some different names than usual when she introduced them. My soul fucking ascended on “you want stars?” and didn’t come down until the song ended. God bless Amber Gray.

Way Down Hadestown (Reprise): Ahh I was surprised by how much I dug the staging for this number, the way the Fates dance through and around the workers is so cool. Eurydice’s face changes throughout the song to reflect the sense of dread that keeps building up, and at the end she tries to run away and is blocked by the workers :((

Flowers: Eva actually cried through this whole song it’s fine I’m fine. She’s sitting down on her knees the whole time and just looks so small and sad my heart. I feel like Eva’s changed the way she sings this song from London a lot and she’s sacrificed a lot of vocal tricks and notes for a more helpless, lonely, devastated performance and it’s sooo good.

Come Home With Me (Reprise): THEY’RE SO HAPPY TO SEE EACH OTHER KILL ME. They literally do not let go of each other the whole time and you can see how much they each blame themselves for how things happened and how much they don’t want each other to blame themselves and it all just hurts a lot. But Eurydice’s face just falls and becomes fearful when she remembers Hades and realizes they can’t leave :(

Papers: Hades is LIVING for the drama in this song. The whole time, Eurydice is just trying to get Orpheus to go because she doesn’t want to break his heart anymore than she already has. Hades is still on his power trip for sure and relishes telling Persephone to stay out of it and telling Orpheus about his deal with Eurydice. Eurydice has to be physically ripped away from Orpheus for the fight scene and you can see how much her heart is breaking thinking about what Orpheus might think of her now. OKAY AND THE FIGHT SCENE, I’ve heard criticisms of it for being cheesy but I honestly think it’s really well choreographed and engaging. It’s not just the workers mindlessly beating up Orpheus as I previously thought, most of it is in retaliation to Orpheus trying to get back to Eurydice or make his way up to Hades (I guess to fight him which would be HILARIOUS) Persephone and Eurydice are both watching and the powerlessness of the female characters definitely comes back as a theme.

Nothing Changes: Harmonies!!! Acapella!! This is such a short song with such little staging that I don’t have much else to say than these women’s voices are incredible.

If It’s True: At the beginning of the song Eurydice reluctantly joins the workers and looks away from Orpheus as he sings the song, which clearly hurts Orpheus. He starts at such a low place but his process of inspiring the workers and exposing the truths of Hades’ façade is sooo well done and I love the response from the workers. This song is such a good turning point for Orpheus of realizing the world is shitty but also realizing there are more concrete ways to change the world and change people than just writing songs. Also this is a recurring theme in each song but AMBER’S FACE JOURNEY DURING THIS SONG. In this version of the show, Persephone actually knowing who Orpheus is adds a new urgency and purpose to her pity for him which I love (more on that in the next song.)

How Long?: Hi as everyone’s favorite How Long? Stan™️ I was SO THRILLED WITH EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS PERFORMANCE. Amber and Patrick are just so fucking good at understanding what drives their characters it’s insane. The staging is basically just them on either side of the lift (which is under the stage at this point) with a literal chasm between them as fog pours on the stage. Patrick barked out some of his lines in the intro as if he was insecure and threatened by Orpheus and Persephone’s investment in Orpheus which was a new layer I hadn’t considered. I think older versions of this song have been more conceptual and less urgent; Persephone used to be arguing for the concept Orpheus represented (love, freedom, idealism) but now her argument is deeply personal after a whole show of watching Orpheus fall in love with Eurydice, toast her bringing summer back, and suffer in Hadestown. She really plays it as Persephone’s last stand and that if Hades doesn’t relent, he stands no chance of getting her back emotionally. And Hades is SO STUBBORN AND SMUG up until Persephone pulls the “just as long as I am your wife,” at which point he realizes just how endangered his marriage is. The final chorus is just so heartbreaking as they realize how irreconcilable they are but how desperately they love each other anyways.

Chant (Reprise): The shortest summary of this is Hades Has Feelings And Hides Them Under A Power Trip x20 ft. UNIONIZING. Hades really feels like he’s lost control over Persephone, the workers, and himself and has to flex on Orpheus by belittling him and Persephone as well as building his ego up. So yeah, not a great look but damn is it fun to watch. The workers rising up is so good, they’re doing their work when they suddenly start breaking off and questioning the status quo. Persephone is also seething the whole song and just extremely pissed off that Hades is reacting like this after she tried to talk some sense into him. But as for her verse (RIP in peace), as much as I love it, I didn’t miss it all that much seeing it live. I actually didn’t even th ink about it until a few hours after the show. I think the song is stronger with it, but now I guess I can see why they cut it? BUT BOY OH BOY WAS I NOT READY FOR THE MOMENT™️. The lights of Hadestown get so bright you can’t even look at them and “I conduct the electric city!” is so LOUD you feel it in your bones and then everything is dark. It’s such an indescribable moment live and is also Hades’ most arrogant moment in the show which is Fun considering he’s about to get emotionally rekt.

Epic III: NO SONG HIT ME HARDER THAN THIS SONG. Some details from the beginning I loved was Eurydice grabbing Orpheus’ hand and giving him A Look showing how much she believes in him and his song, and how nervous Orpheus was at first with the high stakes. But as soon as the la la las started I was TOAST. It was clearly the last thing Hades was expecting to hear and shook him to his core. Amber started crying as soon as they started, and her “let him finish Hades” was so soft and sad. Also Orpheus is looking at Eurydice during the whole “it was like you were holding the world when you held her” bit which is just as painful as it sounds. You can just see Hades’ whole world he’s built coming down around him as the music swells and he and Orpheus go up on the lift and THE NOTEEE. It’s as perfect live as it is in audios. Also the workers individually standing up and taking off their skullcaps is such a good touch. But seriously I could not take my eyes off Amber this whole song, she was crying almost as hard as I was tbh. When the song slows down and we get to “where is the treasure inside your chest?” Orpheus is clearly just reading Hades so hard, and Hades is just slowly walking over to Persephone without breaking eye contact. Hades’ la la la is so so so soft and barely a whisper, but Persephone just breaks down as he takes her hands. The moment is so tender and well acted I nearly died seeing it I swear. PLUS HE PULLS OUT THE FLOWER!!! CINEMATIC PARALLELS!!!

Lover’s Desire: I loveee the new instrumental for this and the use of the la la las. I always expected the dance to be extremely tender and reverential which it somewhat was but I was SO pleasantly surprised by how FUN it was. They had their emotional moment at the end of Epic III but this really just shows you what they were like when they were young, you just watch them and think about how much fun they must have had years ago. They’re smiling and teasing each other the whole time until they end with Persephone’s head in Hades’ shoulder and stay that way all through Promises.

Promises: This song is way more happy than it has any right to be considering it made me cry again. Eurydice is so in awe of how Orpheus brought the gods back together and they strip away every promise of finery and security and just relish in how much they love each other plainly. Also the workers are on the side the whole time, Afra and John are clinging to each other and so are Ahmad and Kimberly, but with Timothy hugging the both of them. Eurydice actually directs her line “I don’t know where this road will end, but I’ll walk it with you hand in hand” tot he workers and goes down the line grabbing their hands and singing to them individually. And the vows at the end!!!! That’s always been one of my favorite parts of the show and they delivered so well. Orpheus lays everything out on the table and gives Eurydice the choice of whether or not she wants to stay with him, and I love the fact that he does this after he literally came down to the underworld for her. He recognizes that he fucked up and she doesn’t owe him coming back with him, but she reassures him of how much she loves him right away. They can’t tear themselves away from each other when they ask Hades if they can go, and when he says “I don’t know” Persephone pulls away with the most betrayed look on her face :(

Word to the Wise: I have nothing to say except the Fates are perfect and have never let me down.

His Kiss, The Riot: Patrick’s portrayal of Hades’ inner conflict in this song…. *chefs kiss* The way he stares at the flower as a symbol of Orpheus and love and redemption but can’t make himself surrender to it completely… The “all my children” verse really makes you feel like he thinks he’s helping the workers. Also I love the way he shouts “who makes WORK for idle hands.” It’s just such a good villain song, especially when the cacophony of instruments swell around him so eerily. He sings the final part of this song straight to Hermes, almost like he’s hoping he’ll give some input but Hermes is tragically confined to his position as the messenger. Also the way he looks straight at Persephone during “nothing makes a man so bold”….

Wait for Me (Reprise): The way Hermes delivers their instructions at the beginning is so resignedly sad like you can tell he knows what’s going to happen but is trying to give them hope :( They just want to make it out together so badly, but you can already tell Orpheus’ anxiety and doubt is kicking in. Not sure if this was intentional, but the staging of Orpheus and Eurydice at the front of the stage singing the wait for me melody and looking up at the audience reminded me of A Gathering Storm; instead of facing off against the literal storm, they’re preparing to face off the mental storm to come. The workers are so desperate for them to make it out, the “show the way” bit is so impassioned and breaks my heart. AND THEN HADES AND PERSEPHONEEE. They start on opposite ends of the stage and make their way to each other as they sing, and then come closer until they’re holding hands but then the turntable turns them apart. This scene just perfectly shows how much they’ve both grown throughout the show and how they know that their love isn’t perfect, but all they can do is try. The entire cast harmonizing on the wait for me melody at the end is SO transcendentally beautiful, and then Eva jumps in and belts for the GODS!! I love this number so much, especially how the workers and Persephone are so emotionally invested in their success but in the end Orpheus and Eurydice are just left alone.

Doubt Comes In: This song is BRILLIANTLY staged and I’m so glad Rachel Chavkin has her damn Tony. The whole stage is dark and filled with fog and you really feel how lonely and scary it must seem, especially with the sinister music and malicious singing from the Fates. Eurydice is in our view at the beginning and when she is singing, but other than that, Orpheus is literally walking this road alone. Reeve does such a great job conveying not only how anxious Orpheus is but exactly why he is anxious, and it’s SO hard to watch especially compared to how optimistic he was at the start of the show. As they reach the end, the walls begin to close back up and cover the lights of Hadestown, and then It Happens and my heart just DROPS. The light flash back on and illuminate everything so horribly- it takes so long for either of them to even form words as they realize what happened. When Eurydice drops she drops FAST and it’s so viscerally upsetting watching her go down as Orpheus runs to her. His face absolutely shatters :(( also my mom and her friend had no idea how it ended and they were so shocked and upset lmao.

Road to Hell (Reprise): Andre takes a really long time to just take everything in and let the audience react before he even starts with “aight.” He walks all the way over to the pit and looks down at where Eurydice was for a long time, and Orpheus is just sitting there shell shocked and gutted. The whole first half of this song is just so slow and purposeful, recycling the motifs from Road to Hell and then you finally get what they mean by “it’s a sad song, but we sing it anyways.” The catharsis I felt seeing Eurydice come out for “anybody got a match?” and Persephone rising up on the lift to symbolize spring coming back with a look on her face that I can only describe as tired but grateful was so strong. Andre carries this finale so beautifully and the swelling music and harmonies just make me CRY. The song ends with Orpheus coming out again in his apron with a smile on his face which is so lovely.

We Raise Our Cups: This song just grounds the whole show and gives Persephone (and Eurydice) the chance to reflect on the show’s themes of love and perseverance which I adoree. Amber’s voice is so lovely and this is such a perfect reciprocation of Livin it up on Top and just made me so happy :’)

[darkangeldesignstudio]

Dark Horse

Sorry for the late post....self doubt had me by the throat this weekend and I just couldn’t get out of my own head enough to post this on Saturday. I hope you guys like this one, even though it might be a bit cheesy with the musical number. I just couldn't get this idea out of my head. Reblog/comment as you will. I am needy :)

Chapter Eleven: I’ll Always Love You

Warnings: Angst, Violence, Death, Attempted Rape, Strong Language, Mentions of Animal Abuse, and Eventual Smut and Fluff

Setting: Post Civil War era USA. Marvel Cowboy AU.

Preface: Your home is attacked by the Hydra gang and you are rescued by Steve, Bucky, and their group. The government agency, known as Shield, wants them captured and Hydra wants them dead. With nowhere else to go, you join their ragtag group and set out on the adventure of a lifetime. Helping those less fortunate along the way, your small group grows and so does your affection for these two rough and tumble outlaws. When the chips are down, will you all be able to escape unscathed? Or will the boot drop and leave you heartbroken and alone again?

Song: Forever Country by Artists of Then, Now and Forever

Previous / Next

Steve had left you to wait with Natasha, expecting you had a plan to cheer her up while he caught a few more minutes of rest while the rain poured. He wasn’t expecting to fall asleep, but exhaustion gripped him tightly and the sound of rain drowned out his inner musings.

He woke to the sound of laughter and whispering outside his shared tent. Turning to look at Bucky, he saw the small smile on his partner’s face as he sat up from his bedroll. The laughter was musical as it approached his tent; the flap opening just a smidge as Y/N poked her head in and immediately blushed a bright red.

Her eyes were wide, roving over his and Bucky’s bare chests before she could stop herself. Bucky chuckled behind his hand. “See something you like, Doll?”

You eeped a little sound before backing out of the tent in a rush. “Sorry.”

Buck and Steve laughed heartily before pulling themselves up and dressing for the day. The air was warmer, despite this morning’s rainfall. The sun beamed down at them through the trees, quickly drying the ground that it touched. They both watched as you and Natasha roused everyone from their sleep.

It was good to see you both having fun and it brought a particularly wicked grin to both of their faces when Nat walked towards Tony’s tent with a bucket of water. She smirked at them when she passed. “You two embarrassed Y/N something fierce earlier. Let me guess, sleeping shirtless again?”

Bucky chuckled even as a blush climbed his cheeks. “Maybe.”

“You’re welcome.” She sing-songed, giggling before glancing at Steve.

Her eyes softened a bit as she nodded her thanks. Not needing words to convey her gratitude. Apparently she hadn’t been sleeping all that deeply while he had told you her story.

He nodded back to her before going with Bucky to clean up the campsite. A few moments later, a high-pitched yell emerged from Tony’s tent. Everyone had a good laugh as you and Natasha ran from Tony, soaked to the bone from head to toe.

_______________________________________________________________________

After waking up the rest of the group and laughing a bit at Tony’s expense. You had all pitched in to cleaning up the camp while Tony grumbled and groaned about his rude awakening. It didn’t take long before you were all on the road once again.

Bruce and Jarvis rode together, chatting quietly as their wagon filled with supplies bumped along the trail. Pepper and Natasha took up the reins of their second cart, riding just behind Tony on Mark II.

Despite his earlier grumbling, Tony was fairly chipper as he chatted away with Pepper, flirting mercilessly as she rolled her eyes in exasperation.

During the first few hours of your ride, Natasha had been chipper as well. Chatting with Steve as you and Bucky rode ahead with Soldat. But she had grown quiet over the last few minutes, her eyes becoming increasingly clouded.

Everyone else seemed to notice as well and the ride became melancholy and silent the farther along the road you traveled. It pained your heart to see your newfound sister so down. Even Boda seemed affected by the surrounding mood.

Bucky shifted Sergeant towards you before reaching out to place a hand on your knee. “Steve told me what happened. I wish I knew how to help, too. She’s always been like a little sister to me, but even I don’t know what to do.”

You sighed, placing your hand on top of his. “Nothing can replace what she lost, Bucky. Just like nothing can replace what I lost, or what you and Steve lost. I wish I would have never suggested we go this way.”

He gripped your knee, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to get your attention as he tried to pull your head out of those dark thoughts. “Hey. It’s not your fault. Besides, this is the quickest way to get where we are going. Nat recognized that, that’s why she agreed to come with us, even though it might hurt to be here again.”

It was in that moment that a thought came to you. “I think it’s about time we gave her something back. Something to wash away the bad.” You smiled brightly up at Bucky’s confused expression. “Thank you, Bucky. I have the perfect idea.”

Drifting to the side, you kissed his cheek before turning Boda back towards Pepper and Natasha. He touched his cheek, a blush creeping up his neck as he watched you ride away. Turning back to the road ahead, he missed the happy smile that alighted on Steve’s face.

_______________________________________________________________________

Trotting up to Pepper’s side of the wagon you smiled when she peered up at you. “Hey, Pep? Do you happen to know any traveling songs? It’s a tad boring riding in silence like this.”

Natasha flinched slightly at the word “song”, but otherwise ignored you. Pepper noticed as well, but didn’t bring attention to it when you shook your head. “I’m not sure, Y/N. I know a few, but it’s all stuff my mom taught me. Not sure if you guys would know them.”

You smiled fondly at her slight blush, her eyes darting between you and Tony. “It’s fine. I’m sure we’ll pick it up after a minute or two.”

Tony smiled, realizing what your plan was. “The boys and I know a few if you would rather us start, Short Stack.”

Your heart swelled at his kindness, even as you rolled your eyes at him. He was a great guy, even if he could be exasperating. “Sure, Tony. If you guys don’t mind. I’d love to hear it.”

He nodded your way before smiling wickedly. “How about it, Cap? Tinman?”

They stiffened in their saddles. Turning in unison to glare at Tony. It made you giggle. Seems like you had more than one reluctant songbird on your hands.

You jogged Bodaway up between your boys at the front of the group. “You didn’t tell me you two could sing. Shame on you for keeping secrets.” You giggled at their twin blushes.

Bucky looked across you to Steve, pleading with his baby blue eyes. “Come on, Steve. Take one for the team here, pal.”

You giggled at Steve’s petulant huff. “Oh, fine. But, you all owe me.”

Drawing a few deep breaths, Steve steadied himself before he began to sing.

Almost heaven, West Virginia

Blue ridge mountain, Shenandoah river

Life is old there, older than the trees

Younger than the mountains, blowing like a breeze

Country roads, take me home

To the place I belong

West Virginia, mountain mama

Take me home, country roads

The smooth timbre of his voice carried softly through the trees and along the past and was soon joined by Bucky’s own voice. His was smokier, with a little lilt at the end where his accent deepened. Soon Tony and Pepper joined in as well, singing the words together. Apparently these boys weren’t the only ones who recognized this song. Jarvis and Bruce joined in on the chorus and set you smiling as their happy voices filled the surrounding air.

You couldn’t help but join in with your own song. Fitting the words together with a seamless harmony that made Bucky and Steve smile along with you.

If I should stay (All my memories, they gather round her)

I would only be in your way (A miner’s lady, stranger to blue water)

So I’ll go, yet I know (Dark and dusty, painted on the sky)

I’ll think of you each step of the way (misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye)

Country roads, take me home

To the place I belong

West Virginia, mountain mama

Take me home, country roads

Steve winked at you causing you to blush as you sang along to the chorus with them. You shook your head when you caught his mischievous smile. Even in the middle of trying to cheer up his friend, he couldn’t help but tease you a bit. It was distracting, enough that it caught you off guard when Bucky’s voice belted out the next verse. His voice really was beautiful, a lot like the man himself. Your blush grew stronger when he smiled at you and the chorus began again.

On the road again

Like a band of gypsies, we go down the highway

We’re the best of friends

Insisting that the world keep turning our way

And our way

Country roads (country roads), take me home (take me home)

To the place I belong

West Virginia, mountain mama

Oh, take me home, country roads

Not one to be outdone, you smiled at the two men you were riding with before turning your attention back to Natasha. She sat beside Pepper, trying hard to ignore the voices around her. You could visibly see the struggle in her eyes as she fought back her tears and the sadness that gripped her heart.

She wanted to sing, really wanted to. But she needed one more push before she would allow herself to give in. And you planned to help her get there, with everyone’s help.

Oh, I hope life treats you kind

And I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of

I wish you joy and happiness

But above all this, I wish you love

A sad smile graced her lips before she finally parted them and began to sing with a joy that the rest of her group hadn’t seen or heard in over a year. It brought tears to everyone’s eyes as they joined her in song and watched as the sadness finally began to wash away.

And I will always love you

I will always love you

Take me home, country roads

Take me home, country roads (and I will always love you)

It was then that an unfamiliar voice joined in with Natasha’s. It was faint, but it melded with her’s so well. Everyone faltered a bit, listening as the voice sang out from the trees. Tears began to spill down her cheeks as she dismounted, running headlong into the trees, following the sound of the voice that sang to her heart.

On the road again (I will always love you)

I just can’t wait to get on the road again

Country roads

The life I love is makin’ music with my friends (I will always love you)

I can’t wait to get on the road again

Take me home, country roads

I will always love you

Dismounting with Bucky and Steve, you followed her into the trees as the smooth male voice and sounds of trickling water grew in volume. Coming to the banks of the stream, your heart skipped as you caught sight of the injured man on the opposite bank.

His eyes were full of remorse, voice choked as tears streamed down his face. But he continued to sing to Natasha until she finally joined in with the last words of the song.

I’ll always love you

Steve and Bucky stood on either side of you, frozen to their cores until Natasha broke the spell.

“Clint.”

He smiled at her as she waded through the stream to kneel between his feet. She appeared afraid to touch him, her hands floating just above his skin until he reached up to her, tucking a strand of red hair behind her ear.

A sob burst from her chest as he gripped the back of her neck and brought her face down to his. They stared into each other’s eyes for a moment before coming together for a searing kiss that made tears spring to your eyes.

You felt hands grip each of yours, pulling your eyes away from the scene. Bucky and Steve each held one of your hands in theirs as tears of happiness rained down from their blues eyes. They each smiled fondly at you, as if it was your doing that had brought Clint back to them. But, you had nothing to do with it. You only wished for them all to be happy.

And it seemed that wish was finally coming true.

[crisisengine]

review: TEENS OF STYLE

Teens of Style was Will Toledo (aka Car Seat Headrest)’s 2015 major label debut. However, rather than being a paradigm shift into new, polished studio-recorded material (which would come on the next record, Teens of Denial), it was instead a laptop-recorded look back at the Will’s lo-fi Bandcamp days, compiling together older songs from different projects (mainly his first non-numbered album My Back is Killing Me Baby and the relentless but captivating breakup record Monomania). Now that Will has a firmly established musical reputation outside of the world of Bandcamp and people are enjoying all his work, both new and old, I thought it would be a good time to explore whether this record holds up in its own right. It is more than just a greatest hits compilation? (short answer: ABSOLUTELY YES!)

I like how the refrain from SUNBURNED SHIRTS closes and opens Car Seat Headrest’s first trilogy of major label albums. It’s cool to see how, on this song and on ‘Twin Fantasy (Those Boys)’, the same words and melodies are used in totally different contexts (though, here, we also get the eargasmic “People here bang on the walls late at night…” part). This one oozes dreamlike, summery vibes. I love the psychedelic sound collage at the start and, from there, it’s a pleasure to watch the song build up into the final rock-out ending. 

The opening riff of THE DRUM is perfectly produced. Whenever it appears, sometimes without warning, I get total chills. The guitar tone cuts through like an ice pick. The verses build on this in a muddier fashion but, by the time the vocals come to a head (“The Drum’s in debt!!) I am absolutely won over. Andrew Katz’s spritely drum fills add a fitting contrast to the breakdown and final verse really does give off a bizarre sense of triumph (“he’s got his flag unfurled or something”). I enjoy how, after the opener has gradually drawn us in, this song feels like a decisive overture, a setting of the scene for the album.

SOMETHING SOON is a brilliantly put-together pop song. The verses’ lyrical vignettes of cabin-fever turn into outright desperation in the chorus. It pinpoints these feelings really accurately. The skittering breaks in the verses release themselves into the crashing choruses and outro.  Each section is bookended by the same repeating electric piano chord. The explosion from this pared down moment into the final burst of energy just seems so right.

Like ‘The Drum,’ NO PASSION also rests on an exquisite moment of production. In the final chorus when Will sings “I” in his high register, it’s like a shot through the heart. The sarcastic image of failure in the verses compliments this so well – a succession of half-formed images that seem to suck away all feeling. The comparative earnestness of “I just needed more money, more time, more love” hits home. Our generation often try to rationalise things through sarcasm when really there is something more deeply lacking in our lives. The line “All my desires are so poorly drawn” also really resonates with me.

TIMES TO DIE adds to this album’s incredibly strong selection of opening moments of tracks. The wandering bassline interlocks with the chug of a delayed guitar followed by a single note. There’s something incredibly satisfying about it, especially when you are aware of the sound bath you are about to enter. The psychedelic vocal and guitar interplay in the verses is a highlight – in the first, they mirror each other but, in the second, the guitar skirts around the vocals, carving out new crevices. Their two melodies collide at the end of said verse, in a really affecting way (“but he just keeps singing this song”). The use of horns and cut-up vocals enlivens the sound palette. It feels like a series of ancient rooms with each section or lyrics (“and when they took him to the temple…”) leading somewhere new. A light seems to shine through as the melodies cascade upwards. The “most of the time” section provides nice segue into the “divine council” part which feels like an explosion, with the “is it harder to speak?” section as its fallout. The intermingling of imagery or religion and the music business (“got to believe in the one above me, got to believe that [Vince]Lombardi [head of Matador records] loves me”) is playful and dreamlike.

PSST TEENAGERS is a fun interlude that adds some more immediate energy into a generally fairly meditative album.

The opening verses of STRANGERS leave you inquisitive as to where the song is heading. All becomes clear when the tension of the exclamatory chorus is released in the lovely, picked instrumental break that follows (again enhanced by some inventive drum rhythms). The second section is the real stunner though, starting off cocoon-like and vulnerable but leading into a volatile crescendo. The line “I won’t last too much longer” and its raw delivery convey a sense of enigmatic fragility that I find very affecting.

The keyboard riff in MAUD GONE swamps the mix in the best way possible. I love its distorted, wet tones. The sax solo at the song’s crescendo provides the perfect counterpoint to it, too. Its muscular, sinewy texture cuts through emphatically in the context of the album’s drenched sound palette. As the notes reach up, the instrument seems to become an incredible, cathartic pressure valve, leeching out a lot of confused unspoken feelings as the notes reach up. The metaphor of “a full moon every night” is enticingly simple but also utterly apt for the feelings it describes.

LOS BARRACHOS has an infectious opening synth lick. As it bubbles under the verses, I’m just waiting for it to return with its full force. The wry but combative tone of the song’s opening (“let’s […] crush the grapes beneath our feet/ like some heartbroken Bacchus”) reflects Will’s desperate attempt to rekindle this relationship, to change his situation, to turn sadness into hedonism. These illusions can’t last, however. The riff does not return. Instead the song melts into a kind of broken, abject despair. “I miss you.” The disintegration of the song’s subtitle to just “Don’t have any hope left” is heart-breaking. It’s the most visceral portrait of a breakdown I’ve ever heard.

BAD ROLE MODELS, OLD IDOLS EXHUMED is my favourite song title ever. The track (the only new song written for Teens of Style) feels like a self-aware reflection on the nature of this album. The images of a figure from the past who once meant a lot but is now insignificant in the life of the narrator seem to tally somewhat with the way in which the album is made up of songs taken from previous projects. Past relationships, and the hurt they have caused, are dismissed and rationalised into triviality and insignificance. The horns and the final refrain make for a strangely celebratory ending, like a forced annulment of regrets (“You probably looked like an idiot in that hat!”) in the face of a resolve to move forward. This forced, performative break with the past, however, seems only to emphasise how the wounds are still very much open, just as the songs here, despite their pre-dating of the album itself, lose none of their emotional potency.

The chorus of OH, STARVING! is deliberately contradictory but also feels very comprehensible. The boredom of a life that seems superficially better as, opposed to a past delineated by clear highs and lows, is a recognisable feeling. Sometimes things being superficially ‘ok’ just makes you painfully aware of how far away you are from the things you really want in life, while impending pressures can obscure this, making any brief moments of solace much sweeter. In the context of the album, this also seems to imply a sense of nostalgia with regard to the events and feelings laid out in these songs. Even though this album deals with confusion, depression and heartbreak, in hindsight, the potency and simplicity of these feelings (given the separation of time between the writing and re-recording of these tracks) could almost seem preferable to the confused present. Yet, by the end of the song, Will seems to finally be able to let go. Saying “goodbye” to all his “secret files” seems almost ritualistic, like he is purging himself of the confusions of the past and moving on. I like this version of the song best because of the moment, at the very end, when the delicate piano chords and doo-wop harmonies are replaced by raw, shredding guitars and a single voice singing “goodbye” so distortedly the word is almost incomprehensible. The raw power of this moment seems to work up a head of steam, like an exorcism of the kinks and bruises of the past, in favour of something.

There isn’t Car Seat Headrest album I’ve heard that I don’t love. However, I think Teens of Style undoubtedly ranks among the best of them. It might just be one of my favourite albums of all time. It does lack the conceptual charge that powers Twin Fantasy, Monomania, Teens of Denial and even, to some extent, How to Leave Town. However, despite their lack of a heavy overarching theme, these songs flow together really well. The album feels cohesive thanks to its spring-reverbed production aesthetic (which reminds me of being indoors on a hot summer day) and the smaller themes that recur throughout (resentment of the past, confusion in the present, getting signed to a major indie label). The tweaks to the lyrics of many of these songs make the creative intent yet more apparent.

I also think this album definitely does not negate the albums from which these songs are taken. I love Monomania and My Back is Killing Me Baby and, if you haven’t listened to them you should definitely do so right now! There are bunch of essential songs on both albums that are not on this one (‘father, flesh in rags,’ ‘Souls,’ ‘happy news for sadness,’ ‘Sleeping with Strangers,’ I could go on…). However, for me, the songs on this album benefit from being recontextualised and, in certain cases, from being rerecorded. It’s great to be able to experience the stronger standalone songs from these previous records in the context of album that lets them breathe a little more, outside of context. 

The most obvious example is ‘Los Barrachos’ which I think works amazingly well as the climactic track for this album. On Monomania, placed somewhere in the middle, it felt more like a just another rung in the downward spiral of heartbreak. On Teens of Style, it has room to breathe and can finally reach its full potential. Similarly, ‘Maud Gone’ benefits hugely from its re-recording. The crisp yet bedraggled sound palette of the new version feels much more fitting than the original and, in the context of a more emotionally diverse album, the catharsis it brings is more powerful (especially coming after ‘Strangers’).

Teens of Style might be made up moments from the past, but it more than proves its worth as a cohesive album that is great in its own right.

[maple-leafing]

Broken (Auston Matthews x Reader)

Request: This was not requested.  It just came to me in the middle of the day!

Player: Auston Matthews

Team: Toronto Maple Leafs

Word Count: 1460

Disclaimer: I mean no disrespect to the players that I am writing for and everything is purely fictional. None of the gifs I use are my own.

A/n: I hope you guys aren’t too upset with me. This isn’t a request, I just kind of wrote it. I hope you like it though. I’ll definitely do a part two if it’s requested. (It’s also not edited.)

You couldn’t exactly pin point when everything went wrong, but then again neither could he. It was like a domino effect of several terrible events, one after the other tearing the two of you apart. Slowly. Your relationship with Auston was an adventure to say the least, but as you warned him from the start, you’d both ended up broken.

It was absolutely pouring when Auston showed up on the doorstep of your house. “(Y/n) open up.” He yelled banging on the door. “I know you’re home.”

Your heart sunk. You walked towards the door slowly, leaning up against it to see if he might give up. To see if he might let it go, let whatever you had with him just be that of a memory. But Auston Matthews never gave up. If there was anything you knew about the man, it was that he never gave up. Not on the people he loved.

“(Y/n) please.” There was a desperation in his voice that you had never heard from him before, something that pulled you towards him. “We need to talk.”

Contemplating the situation, you chose to open the door, stepping outside onto your porch in the rain, umbrella in your hand. You took a second to look at Auston. Really look at him, and what you saw consumed you with guilt.

His hair was soaked, water seeping in his dark, soft locks and despite the wetness from the rain, it looked like he’d been crying. His eyes were red, and the black bags that usually remained under them had only darkened. His posture was slumped. He looked defeated, like he hadn’t slept in days. The brightness he carried was gone. You couldn’t stand to see what you’d done to him. All because you were afraid.

You noticed his car parked out on the sidewalk, the dark colour blending in with the darkness of the atmosphere.

“(Y/n).” Auston spoke sternly.

“Auston.”

He stared at you like you had just slapped him in the face. You never called him Auston, only Aus. You noticed it too. The way you said his name with such restraint. But you couldn’t call him Aus now. Not with things the way they were. It would only show him how much you missed him. It would only show him how wrong you were.

“You can’t just run away like that and expect me not to come after you.” You slumped, wanting nothing more than to wrap yourself in his embrace. But you knew you couldn’t do that. You’d just end up more hurt.

“You didn’t have to come after me.” You shrugged, trying not to care about the hurt expression that graced his features.

“You don’t really mean that do you?”

“Of course I do Auston.” Your voice became louder. “You don’t need me. You made that very clear.”

Not once did he ever tell you he didn’t need you and not once did you ever feel that way. It was just easier to tell yourself that he didn’t need you so that you wouldn’t get hurt. You spent your entire life protecting yourself against people like Auston. How could you expect him to actually care about you?

“Is that what you really think? That I don’t need you.” You nodded your head lightly, telling him exactly what he needed to know. “Shit (Y/n). I need you more than I’ve ever needed anyone in my entire life.”

“No.” You voiced. You couldn’t hear this. He was just telling you this to get in your head and then he’d leave you heartbroken.

“No?” He questioned. “I’m telling you the truth here. Why can’t you just believe me?” His tone broke your heart. Your mind raced. You couldn’t do this.

“I think you need to go.” You handed him the umbrella. “Take this Auston, and have a safe drive home.” You lead him down the steps of your porch, no longer holding your umbrella, exposing yourself to the rain. “I’m sorry but you need to go.”

Auston followed suit, putting down the umbrella before taking a large step down the stairs, his long legs carrying him farther and faster in your direction. “Do you really think I’m leaving you now? After all we’ve been though?”

“Yes.” You replied coldly.

Auston quickened his speed reaching out for your wrist, only for you to pull away. “Why won’t you just let me in?” He screamed in desperation. “Stop walking away from me.”

You halted in your tracks, trying to make your way to his car. You turned around swiftly, the rain continuing to pour down on you. Hard. “Stop it.” You spoke. “Just give up Auston.” You threw your hands up in the air angrily. “I’m not worth it anyway.”

“Why do you keep saying that?” He watched the pain move throughout your body. Your stature became weak, like he’d hit a nerve, opening up a deep wound.

“People like me just aren’t meant to be around people like you.” You yelled. “Don’t you get it?”

“No. I don’t get it.” You turned back around and continued to walk him towards his car. “Hey.” He snapped. “You don’t just get to walk away from this. You don’t just get to walk away from us.”

“I can do whatever I want Auston.”

“If you’re doing this just because you think I don’t love you, that’s bullshit.” His voiced continued to raise higher. “I’ve done nothing but love you.”

“And that’s what scares me.” You screamed back, stepping dangerously close to him. Your breath became ragged with anger and you felt the tears you had cried earlier, trying to make their way back to the surface. “Nobody has ever loved me before. Do you know how much that scares me?”

“(Y/n).” He reached.

“No.” You stopped him. “It scares the shit out of me. How you can love me without thinking about it? I just don’t want to get hurt. All I’ve ever done is get hurt.” The tears had finally broken through, you could feel it. Auston could see it.

“I understand that you’re afraid, but you don’t need to be. Let me help you.”

“See that’s just it.” A tight lipped smile appeared on your face. “You’re too good for me.”

Auston took another step closer to you, bringing you as close as you ever could be. He pulled you into his chest as you let out a cry. “No.” He breathed. “You’re perfect for me, and I’m perfect for you. We can’t ignore that just because we’re both afraid.”

“Both?” You whispered pulling away to look him in the eyes.

“Yeah. Loving you scares the shit out of me.” He smiled softly tucking a piece of wet hair behind your ear. By this point the rain had become a side effect to the numbness you were feeling. It became almost unnoticeable as it continued to pour around the two of you in harmony. “But I know it’s all worth it. When I came to Toronto, I went from girl to girl, trying to fuck the loneliness away. And then I met you. And then I didn’t feel so lonely anymore.”

“Aus.” Another bout of tears ran down your face. You hadn’t ever known he was afraid. But if you were being honest, the amount of fear you had felt about being so deeply in love with him clouded you from seeing how afraid he was as well. “We’re both pretty messed up then yeah?” You laughed through the tears.

“Yeah.” Auston wrapped you up in his embrace, the warmth radiating around the two of you.

“I’m so sorry Aus.” Your tone turned more serious than the moment before. “I was so afraid of loving you that I couldn’t see how afraid you were.”

“Hey.” He soothed. “You never have to worry about that again.”

You stood there for a few minutes, just letting the rain fall down onto the two of you as you held each other.

“You know I love you right?” He asked you seriously, his eyes desperately staring into yours hoping for a positive reaction.

You didn’t reply verbally, replying by placing a soft and passionate kiss onto his lips. Auston sunk into the kiss falling deeper in love with you by the second. You tasted like home, your lips soft and sweet. He never wanted to let you go. He reached down, placing his hands delicately onto your hips, your hands gently cupping his face. Your lips danced with each other in harmony like the rain that fell around you. It reminded you of a teenage cliché, girl runs away, boy chases after girl in pouring rain, girl and boy make out in pouring rain.

Pulling away, you gasped happily, trying to catch your breath. “I love you too Aus.”

“I know.”