#leave! him! alone! the lil guy just found out he's not gonna die young but is in fact gonna live old and you're preying on that weakness br

[plotbunnsies]

What if Aizawa is some form of cryptic that one day stumbled upon the school someday and he wasn't allowed to leave ever since? Like he's Mothman or some shit (btw check out this wip of aizawa being Mothman that i found) and he's being a lil cryptic shit like "Everyone's gonna be so confused" and so he sits their as a student in the hero course. Enter Oburo and Hizashi.

They take one look at the thing with hair as black as the void, eyes that are hazy, always shifting, always watching, and the smell of dew and grass and mold coming off him like he's been living in the forest all his life. They take one look at this Aizawa i-take-your-quirk-if-you-come-too-close Shouta and decide he's their best friend now.

And since then Aizawa is stuck.

He hisses and scratches and his eyes turns blood red and somehow your quirk refuses to work? Aww he's an introvert!

He skips school until either one of his 'friends' come and drag him their? Aww he wants to walk to school with them!

He lives in a forest? Ooh he's also antisocial too, but don't worry shouta! We'll be sure to give you a healthy dose of socialisation so you wont go crazy all alone!

He can talk to animals? Must have been hit with a quirk when you were younger!

Can talk to shadows? Wow, young shouta must have been very clumsy to be hit with so much quirks

Wait what's his quirk? Well, nezu gave them this analysis after shouta tore his to shreds and looks like he can null quirks he looks at. Cool!

How shouta got into school? The teachers figured he was a potential nezu found. Nezu figured he was a potential one of his staff found and wanted to be cryptic about him to get back at all th bs nezu pulls on them.

A quick search into the school's database and another search in the government database and nezu is slightly concerned about why this child does not have an identity

The next day official papers were presented to Hizashi and co. to keep on and make sure aizawa doesn't shred

And it went on for years. No one could figure that aizawa Was Not Human for years, until he's somehow roped into teaching a bunch of brats about heroics and whatever other bs this society is on about these days. A young kid with bush-like hair enters his classroom, takes one look at him, and asks "what the fuck is that"

If aizawa could die, he would be happy dying at this moment. He swears he can feel these 'happy tears' his friends talk about.

And so aizawa and midori for the remainder of the year try to find anyone who’d just believe them.

His friends thinks it’s nice that he's bonding with his students. He's using "friends" with heavy quotations for the rest of the year as retaliation.

On the day of oburo's death, two pieces of shouta died. A piece he intentionally gave away to his...friend to still have a connection to this earth to visit it whenever he wishes to

And a piece, crumbled to dust when the ghost of oburo stood above collapsed buildings and shot him a smile. It was not eye-hurting-bright smile, and was not i-am-annoying-you-like-friends-do smile. It was like the smiles nezu-sensei gives him when he says he's not human, or that he doesn't need therapee because he'll never feel like other people do

And oburo looks at him and asks him one question

"How many quirks were you hit with, sho-sho?"

A glass-shattering scream could be heard from across the country. Many believed it was a grieving hizashi scream. It was the scream of a very frustrated aizawa

He threw the piece of his shadows at his face, and left with a done shout of "this will ground you to this plane. Visit hizashi and nemuri for fucks sake!" And leaves

And if he goes to check on hizashi after two whole days on no-pestering, if he lets nemuri cry on him and doesnt complain of the salty, slimy liquids that get absorbed into his hair, if he lets tensei talk and talk and mourn a shout and cry more than any human probably should, if he talked and talked and talked and checked and persuaded his, his friends to try this therapy guy and let them hug him and drag him around with less aggression because now they're sad and fragile and he doesn't want, he refuses to be the reason they snap

Then no one but his shadows will know. And the annoying ghost of oburo.

And the therapist nezu-sensei forced him to go to. Maybe he shouldn't have said that he can't feel like humans.

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being Hope van Dyne’s child

Hope van Dyne x child!reader

Scott Lang x stepkid!reader

warnings: insects (ants), sharp weapons

a/n:

prompt: anonymous: “Happy holidays darling! Would you write HC for Hope Van Dyne's child? Love the step-parents HC 🥰”

growing up as a lil smarty pants

grandpa hank was pretty proud, although he didn’t see you very much

once every few years

but he did tell you all these crazy stories about his adventures that you honestly thought were just fiction (until you were older)

“and i was as small as an ant, but i was still incredibly strong! remember that, kid. just because you aren’t as big as someone else doesn’t mean you can’t beat them” -hank

“y/n doesn’t need to be hearing those stories, hank” -hope

“why not? they have important life lessons in them!” -hank

“why does mommy call you ‘hank?’” -you

“because mommy hates grandpa, isn’t that right?” -hank

“okay, i think that’s enough of this visit. come on, y/n, time to go” -hope

your mom was very supportive of you, nonetheless

she wanted to be different from her dad

so she showed up to EVERYTHING

birthdays, sick days, tucking you in for bed, parent-teacher conferences, art shows, you name it

“here’s some tea, jellybelly. it’ll make your throat feel better” -hope

“mom, i think i’m dying” -you

“you’ll be fine” -hope, givin’ u a kiss on the forehead

life wasn’t like, extra crazy or anything. sometimes she’d bring you to work and honestly? darren cross didn’t seem like the worst guy. he even brought you whatever you might need if your mom was staying late at work

“hey, van dyne junior! i brought you a puzzle that might keep you busy for a while...and a happy meal from mcdonalds! let me know if you need anything else, me and your mom will just be in the lab for a little while” -darren

“thank you!!!” -you

uh huh, ur mom taught u manners!

anyways you started spending more time with your grandpa cuz they had a plan

thats when you found out that his “turning small” stories were not, in fact, bullshit

“wait grandpa...you actually did shrink as small as an ant?” -you

“why would i lie?” -hank

okay well cue you wanting to shrink down to ant size now it was your new aspiration

you did learn how to command ants tho!!!!!!

but unfortunately (or not so unfortunately) hank brought scott to the party

“hi!” -you, waking scott up

“what?!” -scott, jumping back against the headboard

“hi.” -you, staring at him “im y/n. these are my ants”

bullet ants were just crawlin around the place

“oh, that’s....that’s cool. any chance you could tell me where i am or how i got here” -scott

“wouldn’t you like to know, weather boy” -you, leaving abruptly

“are you bothering our guest?” -hope, watching you proudly nod “good job, jellybelly”

mom taught u how to punch 🥰🥰🥰

and let you use scott as a punching bag

but scott wasn’t like awful or anything he was just insufferable at times

“i think you’d like my daughter cassie. she’s weird and smart just like you” -scott

“did you just call me weird? mom, can i punch him again?” -you

“no no no! i meant weird in a good way! please dont hurt me anymore!” -scott

chasing him around the yard ready to ATTACK

hank had to tell u to cut it out

“dont tell them what to do” -hope

“someone has to” -hank

“excuse me? i parent y/n just fine, better than you ever did for me!” -hope

“do they do this often?” -scott

“every time they see each other but that’s not very much” -you

“hm...hey, do you like ice cream? specifically baskin robbins?” -scott

ur mom said “we do not associate with idiots ❤️” and then proceeded to associate with said idiots

scott did end up saving u from darren tho bc that mf tried to hold u hostage and scott was really not in the mood for that bullshit

“you alright, y/n?” -scott

“murder is okay, right?” -you

after that whole ordeal he and your mom were kinda a thing uh huh

and he introduced you to cassie!!! she was amazingly sweet and you could def see the family resemblance

“is this my new sibling?! i’ve always wanted one!” -cassie

“hey, me too!” -you

you hung out with her on a weekly basis, with or without scott

and mom and grandpa were working on a ✨special project✨

one you insisted on being apart of

“no, y/n, we can’t make you your own suit. you’re too young for this sort of thing” -hope

“pleaaaaase mom? i swear i’ll he responsible with it!” -you

“you’re mother is right, y/n. you’re just not ready yet. maybe someday, but not anytime soon” -hank

scott took you on family bowling trips yes he did

and just corny stepdad shit

but he went to germany and mom and him broke up and FF to two years later when you guys had finally reunited

“scott!! you asshole!!” -you, like this -> :)

“kiddo!! sorry to hear that!!” -scott, same energy

shading him the whole time

“ach mein gott” -you

“are you kidding me, y/n? i make one mistake. ONE” -scott

“you’re one mistake has caused me to live in MINIATURE HOMES” -you

“THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD THING” -scott

“WELL IT���S NOT” -you

“did you at least miss me?” -scott

“sicher habe ich” -you

“god dammit” -scott

surprise!! u kind of had a suit (for emergencies)

as a van dyne/pym, it was almost a necessity to know how to use pym particles

scott acted like a proud dad

“wow, you’re really doing it!!!” -scott

“halt die klappe” -you

“please stop” -scott, tearing up

finding out about ✨grandma✨

she possessed scott and touched ur face and told you that she was so excited to meet you but you didn’t know wtf was going on and you had the urge to smack scott but THANKFULLY you did not

“i have to meet her for real! let me help you guys!” -you

“okay” -hope

“what? really?” -you

“it’s about time we put your genius to good use” -hope

scott offered you a high five for that and u literally accepted it

“don’t get too happy, that was just an in-the-moment thing” -you, watching scott’s eyebrow raise “fine. you can have a hug”

okay okay well everything went okay and then half the world ~vanished~ including ur whole family but like cassie and her family took you in and you spent five years very alone and upset until one day cassie called you downstairs and whoopdedoo???? scott???????

“is my mom with you?” -you

“sorry, sport, she’s not...do you have your suit with you? we need to go on some...hero business” -scott

you missed scott a lot over the past 5 years, this really did cheer you up, even if it was just him

“how’ve you been holding up the past few years” -scott

“the world sucks, man” -you

“i can see that” -scott

he turned on some tunes for the two of you to enjoy otw to the avengers hq and it was probably the best memory you created since everyone disappeared

“wait, reach into the glove box” -scott

“oh, god, i hope there’s no rodents in here...” -you, reaching for a picture “is this..?”

“family photo!! you were little back then, i can’t believe how time flies. i mean, it flew really quick for me, the quantum realm is no joke” -scott

you were busy staring at the picture of your mom, you really missed her

busy ~saving the world~

and going to 2012 with scott

“hey uh just so you know, i might be able to make pym particles” -you

“‘might?’ and if we use faulty pym particles we ‘might’ die. would you like that?” -tony

“hey, back off, stark. they’re just trying to help” -scott

next thing u know ur in present day and THEN u actually got to hold the scepter bc scott let u

“im gonna stab you!!” -you

“no!!!” -scott

the other avengers, literally mourning natasha while you chase him around with a sharp weapon: 😧

okay after the place was destroyed u got to face mr. purple man and yo mama showed back up and saw you on the front lines

“y/n????” -hope

“mom????” -you

“scott!!!!” -scott

“really, scott? a shrek reference? now?” -you “...nice”

the reunion with your mom was short and sweet but you missed her forehead kisses and she gave you one immediately!!!! and she was crying but you were too bc damn

“listen, after this, we’re gonna have such a fun family night. i’m so sorry i couldn’t be there for you all this time” -hope

“mom, it wasn’t your fault...it was that purple bastard, let’s get him!” -you

“they grow up so fast...” -hope

i n s e c t f a m

insect fam killed it out there and then ✨attended tony’s funeral✨ together right after

that’s one solid family 😌💖

anyways time to celebrate a (halfway) return to normalcy

with your *sister* cassie and your mom and your...scott

you were just happy to all be together again, it’s been WAY too long

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @rorybutnotgilmore // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @natasha-danvers // @lokihiddles // @frostedficrecs // @lotsoffandomrecs // @johnmurphyisqueer // @teenwaywardasgardian // @pappydaddy // @captainshazamerica // @freya-xo // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @canarypoint // @zoeyserpentluck // @randomawesomeperson102 // @spideyandtheboys // @ghost-bich // @wonderful-writer // @of-a-chaotic-mind // @groovyfluxie // @procrastinatingsapphictrash // @lxncelot //

[needs-to-stop-looking-at-yigas]

Wait, marriage angst?? What is your idea?? TELL US!!??

I’ll do you one better. I’ll WRITE it for you!

Kohga was bored. Really, really bored. His men were doing his bidding, as per usual, and for some reason, Kohga wasn’t tired enough for a nap. That left him with only so much to do. He was stuck in his own bed, when he sat up, realizing he knew what he could do. He could sneak into Sooga’s room, and make himself into a sexy little surprise for him. He was coming soon from fishing with Sidon anyway (Sooga and Sidon grew to be quite the good set of friends). He got out of his room, and snuck into Sooga’s, giddy as all hell for what he had planned.

“Alright, where does he keep the lube...god it’s like his room is in alphabetical order.”

Neat as hell, Sooga’s room. He dug into his drawers, and finally found the bottle he was looking for. He was about to get into his bed, when he accidentally dropped one of Sooga’s uniforms. He grumbled a bit before leaning down to pick it up, just in time to see a small, black box pop out. Sooga picked it up, looking it over in his hands. Huh. Well, Sooga’s stuff was HIS stuff, might as well take a peak. He wished he hadn’t.

It was a ring. The most beautiful, most stunning ring he’d ever seen in his entire life. Decorated in every type of gem under the sun, this could NOT have been cheap. He chuckled, finding it cute. Only, it clicked a second later. 

Sooga was going to ask to marry him. Oh no. Oh no. No no no no no, a MILLION times no. He stammered, and with shaky hands, fixed everything up, making it look like he was never even there. He darted out of the room, totally ignoring everyone who tried to acknowledge him. He had to do something. Anything.

------------------------------------------------------

“Move.”

Sooga had come back from his fishing trip with Sidon, and had a gift for Kohga, right from Mipha herself. The blade master that was in charge of Kohga’s door, stayed put, shaking his head.

“Master Kohga said no one is allowed in. He’s talking with his bodyguard.”

Sooga cocked his head to the side, confused. HE was Kohga’s bodyguard, as well as his lover. That couldn’t be right.

“I’M his bodyguard, in case you’ve forgotten. Now, move.”

The blade master didn’t, shaking his head.

“Sorry Sooga. Looks like you’ve been replaced.”

That voice wasn’t taunting as usual. It was...cold, to the point. He meant what he said. He was about to press for more details, when a blade master walked out of the room, with Kohga following just behind him. A Blade Master...had been in his master’s room. This was serious. Kohga did NOT look happy to see him. If anything, he looked uncomfortable. Sooga knelt down a bit to his level, still holding the package in his hands.

“Master Kohga! Are you feeling well?”

Kohga wouldn’t look at him. He spoke, but towards the air, not towards him.

“I’m fine. Look, Sooga, you need a break. Why don’t you just. Go?”

“Go?...like, I’m being kicked out?”

Kohga finally looked up at him, in panic.

“No! No, not at all. I just...don’t want you around for a bit. Go fish or hunt or whatever you do. Just, go. Cil’s gonna take care of me for a while.”

The Blade master in front of him nodded, taking the package off of Sooga’s hands.

“Don’t worry. I will take great care of Master Kohga in your place, Sooga.”

Sooga stammered, before looking back at Kohga.

“M-master Kohga, please, I-”

Kohga pointed to the other direction, a snarl in his voice.

“I. Said. Go. Leave. That is a COMMAND.”

There was an awkward silence, before Kohga grumbled angrily.

“Cil, make sure he leaves. I’m...gonna take a nap.”

Kohga walked into his room, slamming the door. Cil looked down at him, and motioned towards to base’s entrance.

“Come on, you heard him. Out you go.”

Sooga slowly stood up, looking at his shaky palms.

“What...did I do?...”

Cil chuckled, shaking his head.

“Don’t know, don’t care. All I know is, you blew it, and now I’M in his good graces. Who knows if he’ll even remember you after he gets to know me.”

Sooga put his hands on his blade, when the other blade master put his hand on his chest.

“You know how this works. Kohga makes the orders, you obey. Until he says otherwise, you are NOT to be here. Please leave with dignity, Sooga.”

Sooga halted a moment, before turning around, and leaving. He understood not what was happening. What he DID know was that a command from Kohga WAS a command, even if it hurt him, deep inside his heart.

-----------------------------------------

“This was SUCH a nice idea Link!”

Mipha lightly clapped her hands together. Link had suggested that Mipha, Impa, Zelda, and himself go camping. Mipha wasn’t a real outdoorsy type like her boyfriend, but so long as she was with him, she was having a grand ol time. Impa nodded, getting a blanket for the princess (as to not scuff her pretty clothes).

“I gotta agree. Though, I could go with some food that isn’t JUST apples.”

Link took the hint, and just so happened to spot a deer in the distance. He forced everyone into silence, and was about to fire with his bow and arrow, when suddenly the deer went down. Link cocked his head to the side, only to see the assailant was none other than Sooga. He hoisted the deer over his shoulder, only to catch Link’s gaze.

“Link?”

Mipha looked past the brush, and waved at Sooga.

“Sooga! It’s a pleasure! Out on a date with Kohga?”

Sooga shook his head, walking towards their little camp.

“Afraid not. I’m by myself today. Would you all like to share this?”

Upon everyone seeming satisfied with that idea, and Sooga had no issues skinning and hacking away at the animal, even going so far as to put the meat right over the fire. Mipha, ever the mindful one, seemed to catch that Sooga was...distracted. 

"Sooga? Where...IS Kogha?"

"At the clan. He...told me to go hunting for some reason. Nothing to worry about."

"What makes you think I'm worried?"

"I can see it all over your face."

Sooga wanted to clearly not touch on it, but as soon as Mipha put her hand onto his, he conceded defeat. Big muscles did nothing against a big heart.

"I've...been replaced, it seems. Master Kohga no longer requires my services."

NO ONE was expecting that clearly. Though no one also didn’t expect IMPA to have the reaction she had.

"Kohga? Replaced YOU? That UNGRATEFUL- how DARE he? You're the only one who puts up with him and he REPLACED you? What's the new guys name?"

"Cil."

"Oh that's even a stupid name- princess cover your royal ears, I'm about to NOT be lady like!"

Impa wasn't exactly protective of Sooga, but she did value loyalty, and she knew what it was like to be a devoted servant. She HATED the idea of someone using their servants as mere tools, rather than close companions. Zelda held her hand up, signaling Impa to calm down.

"Sooga, would you care to explain what you mean? This seems VERY unlike you and Kohga. Are you sure this isn't a misunderstanding?"

Sooga nodded solemnly, having lost that hope for quite some time.

“It is not. Master Kohga told me to leave, and a new blade master has taken my stead. I’ve been here ever since.”

Impa, hands on her hips, was more furious than ever, hands on her hips.

“How long have you BEEN out here?”

“Four days, I believe.”

“Four d-oh that is IT! I’m going there to give him a piece of my mind!”

She tried to stomp away, before Sooga grabbed at her hair, making her fall to the dirt. She looked up at him, wiping her face free from the muk.

“What was that-”

“No one is to harm Master Kohga, so long as I can help it.”

“How are you still defending him?!”

Impa got up in his face, and he refused to look away from the cooking meat. He was not scared of ANY sheikah, let alone one so young and foolish.

“Because he is my Master, till the day I die. I love him. That’s all there is to it.”

Mipha butted in, suspecting a fight.

“Why don’t I go talk to him? We’re friends, I’m sure he just needs someone to hear him out. For all we know, this is truly just a mistake.”

Mipha placed her hand on Sooga’s knee, and he felt himself relaxing under her touch. She was truly a very sweet little zora.

“If...it is not a burden, I would appreciate that. Very, very much.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“Mipha! If it isn’t my favorite little fishy! How have you been?”

Mipha graced him with a surprise visit, and with the whole Sooga situation, he welcomed it. She smiled at him, embracing him in a tight embrace.

“I’m quite well, quite well! Did you receive the last gift I sent you?”

“I did! Let me tell you, I’m saving that outfit next time I visit the rito village!”

She chuckled, walking alongside him as they walked to Kohga’s ‘guest room’ (aka just an extra room with a small dining table). She sat down next to him, and Kohga was clearly eager to hear her speak.

“So! What brings you over? Just wanted to visit the studliest guy you know?”

“That as well. But I do in fact, need a favor.”

“Name it, lil’ red.”

“Well, we’ve been studying the properties of electric resistant materials. We have the electric darners and the like, but we would appreciate some voltfruit. Two crates, if possible.”

“Done! Cil!”

The blade master walked to his side, bowing respectfully.

“Yes, Master Kohga.”

“Have the boys get two crates of voltfruit ready for her, and have a few blade masters on standby to carry it for her, I don’t want her to lift a finger.”

“Right away, Master Kohga. Shall I fetch you some snacks as well?”

“Yeah, whatever you guys got. And tea, they know which one Mipha likes.”

“Anything else, Master Kohga?”

“No, that’s it.”

Kohga smacked his cheek a bit, and Cil backed away, practically giddy. Mipha decided now was as good of a time as ever.

“So...he’s new.”

“Oh yeah. Nice guy. Super attentive. Almost annoying, honestly. But he does his job.”

“What of Sooga?”

Kohga halted. He refused to fully acknowledge it, until he sighed.

“I...don’t wanna talk about it. But I do, I guess. I...I dunno.”

Mipha reached over to hold his hand, offering him a soft, sweet smile.

“If you don’t want to talk about it, I will not force your hand. However, I do think you’ll feel much better if you talk about it. You helped me and Link. Let me help you and Sooga.”

Kohga stopped, before softly sighing. He exchanged the grip on her hand, clearly needing the physical support.

“I...went into Sooga’s room. And...I found a ring. Sooga wanted to propose to me.”

Mipha’s face lit up, just how he knew she would.

“Oh! How lovely! Was...the ring not enough?”

“No, not at all. It was stunning, really. Prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”

“So...the issue lies where?”

He looked over at her puzzled face. His next words clearly surprised her.

“I don’t want to marry him.”

Mipha covered her mouth with her other hand.

“But, don’t you love him?”

“I do!”

Kohga took his hand away, using it as a means to help him talk.

“I love him! A LOT! He’s the most serious relationship that I’ve ever been in! He’s sweet, he’s handsome, he’s caring, he KNOWS me! I love him half to death! I just-”

He stopped, scratching like hell at his head. How to explain this? How to translate this to someone as sweet and pure as her.

He groaned, letting his face thunk onto the counter.

“I don’t want to commit. I don’t want to be stuck into something I can’t get out of. I don’t want this to be a thing that keeps me from doing things I like. What if he ends up not being the one? What if once we get married, he changes? Turns stifling, or wants KIDS? God what if he wants KIDS, Mipha?! I’m the cool gay uncle, not a dad!”

Mipha didn’t seem to get it fully. Of course she didn’t. But like everything she did, she tried very hard to help the wounded. She leaned over and placed her hand at his cheek. He met her eyes, her soft, kind gaze.

“Kohga. I do not fully understand not wanting to be wed. I’ve wanted to be wed since I was a guppy. But I do understand that this is a lot for you to take in. However, I want you to understand that you are not the only one hurt. Sooga has been out in the woods, awaiting you and hunting.”

“Oh my god he ACTUALLY went hunting- I was fucking with him.”

Mipha softly chuckled, shaking her head.

“I know. However, this relationship isn’t just you. It’s Sooga. You aren’t going to like this, but you need to apologize to him. You pushed him away with no explanation, no reasoning. Pain is worse when it is unwarranted. Please, say you’ll talk to him and ask for his forgiveness. He is devoted to you. He deserves to at least have that respect.”

“....Yeah. Yeah, you might have a point, Mipha.”

“I’d like to think so. Would you like to finish tea time before we get Sooga?”

“...Yeah, honestly. Better swallow this before I swallow my pride.”

------------------------------

“Anything from Mipha yet?”

Link shook his head, not seeing a message from her on the sheikah slate yet. Impa had just finished hearing the whole situation from Sooga’s end, and she seemed to get more and more steamed as the story went on. By the time he finished, she stood up, hands on her hips.

“I know your problem!”

“Pardon?”

“I know your problem! He’s lost respect for you!”

Sooga wasn’t getting this, and neither did anyone else it seemed. Impa leaned down to look him in his face, jabbing her finger in his chest.

“You need to show him you’re strong, confident! You need to go over there and DEMAND a reason!”

“But...I’ve been kicked out of the clan. It is against the rules to-”

“Is your love for Kohga NOT above the rules?!”

Sooga blinked. She...had a real good point, actually. He thought about it for a second, before firmly nodding.

“You’re right. The law is NOTHING in the shadow of my affections for my Master.”

“Right?! So you need to get up off this log! You need to go right up there! And you need to show him you’re SERIOUS about him!”

Sooga found himself suddenly standing up, hands in fists.

“You’re right! Absolutely right! I CANNOT stand by and let him think his love ISN'T worth fighting for!”

“HELL YES!”

Impa punched him in his chest, and that somehow lit Sooga up like a fire. WIth that classic Yiga skill, he poofed into nothing but talismans. Zelda looked over at Impa, sighing.

“You know, Impa, I value your tenacity.”

“Thank you, Princess!”

“But...you understand that this could not end well, right?”

“....yeah. Oops.”

------------------------------------

“Thanks again, Mipha. I needed that.”

“Of course. I’m very glad you listened to my words. I wish you both the best. I hope S-”

“Princess, excuse us.”

Suddenly Sooga was just right there, butting right in between him and the princess. Cil was right at Kohga’s side, readying his blade, before Sooga swatted his hand away, disarming him in a heartbeat. His eyes met Kohga, and he tried terribly hard not to embrace him. He missed him terribly, he just wanted to hug him.

“You two, leave. I need a word with him.”

Cil was about to attack, when Kohga held his hand, stopping him.

“N-no. It’s fine. He’s right. We do need to talk.”

“Good. Your room. WITHOUT your new pet.”

Sooga practically herded Kohga into his room, as if he was cattle. Then the door slammed behind him. This was weird. He was standing so aggressively over him, and Kohga looked so...meek. Apologetic.

What was wrong with them?

Sooga was about to raise his voice, demanding reasoning for his heartache, only for him to suddenly go onto one knee.

“I...I missed you, so much. Please, please don’t kick me out again. My heart longed for you every minute I was away from you. Please, please tell me what I did wrong. I’ll never do it again, I swear it.”

Kohga lost his meek demeanor, groaning and scratching his head.

“You...didn’t do anything.”

Sooga looked up, head cocked.

“I...don’t understand?”

“You didn’t do anything! That’s the problem! You’re perfect! You LOVE me! You wanted to MARRY me, Sooga!”

Sooga’s eyes lit in recognition.

“You..found the ring, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, I did. And I...didn’t want you to ask. So I kicked you out until I knew you’d not wanna ask me.”

“I...I’d never want to stop asking you.”

Kohga threw his hands up in frustration.

“That’s the problem!! You wanna get married, you wanna settle down, I bet you wanna have kids too don’t you?!”

“I’d….like twelve, honestly.”

“Fucks SAKE!”

Kohga turned a full three sixty, gesturing to him wildly.

“That’s CRAZY! You love me! And I can’t bring myself to make such a huge commitment! What if we change when we get married? What if I decide I DON’T want this?! What if we get TIRED of each ot-”

Sooga reached over to hold onto his hand. For a moment, everything was silent, easy as a still lake. Sooga lightly shook his head.

“Then you do not have to say yes.”

“But! Aren’t you gonna be stupid humilated if-”

“I won’t. I want to marry you, very much. I want to be with you, and I want to be deemed worthy of being your husband. But not at the expense of your happiness. Your joy is my own. I can be reincarnated a thousand times over, and STILL want your hand. But it doesn’t matter. Your joy is my joy, your sorrow is my sorrow. I will wait until you’re ready.”

“What if I’m not ready? Ever?”

“That is fine. If I can love you in ANY degree, I will accept it. Even if you wed another, I will not stop having love for you. Just...please. Don’t ask me to leave you, ever again. I trust no one but me to take care of you. Not that ‘Cil’ fellow. I hate his name.”

Kohga’s hand lightly shook, before he suddenly lunged at Sooga, wrapping his arms around him. Sooga stayed there for a moment, before he sighed, wrapping his arms around him. He missed this body, missed this voice and this warmth. Kohga sniffed, wiping his face in his shoulder.

“I hate him too, he’s such a kiss ass. And his ass is SO flat.”

That earned an actual, good laugh from Sooga. Yeah.

He was worth loving, ring or not.

[tragedy-for-sale]

In your post about Ahsoka and her older brothers you mentioned that Cody brings her along in adventures, any chance one of those involved the Bad Batch?

Oh! Mmm??? Leeme think.....

Yes.

◈ ━━━━━━ ◆ ━━━━━━ ◈

"Cody, make sure you take care of her," Obi-Wan told his Commander, his hand on his shoulder. "Don't let her get carried away" he continued as Ahsoka came running excitingly down the hall.

"Of course, sir." Cody assured, putting his own hand over the General's, "Sir, I can assure you these boys will protect her, and they won't fail" he said, letting go as Ahsoka approached them, dropping the bag and panting.

"Geezy Codes! What's in this thing?" She asked as he grabbed it, Ahsoka shook her head. "Oh, Master Kenobi, thank you again for letting me go with Commander Cody, I promise I'll stay out of trouble" she spoke, smiling wide.

Obi-Wan gave her a solemn smile, "I know, Ahsoka, make sure you take care of yourself and the Commander, but most importantly, have fun, my child" he smiled as she gave him a hug. Ahsoka nodded as she pulled away from Obi-Wan and walked excitingly with Cody as they left. The Commander gave one last look to the General before leaving Obi-Wan alone on the bridge.

"So, What do martials even do anyway?" She asked, skipping along side him. Rex did some cool stuff but Cody always got to go on cool missions, that's what she wanted to see.

"Well, 'soka, I do a lot of running around and checking on smaller units. I've gone to medical facilities, even to Coruscant to serve the Chancellor" Cody recalled as they boarded a shuttle and got settled in the cockpit promptly. "And today, we are going to check on one of those smaller units, a special unit"

Ahsoka's eyes lit up as they jumped to Hyperspace, she let out an excited gasp, "Oh! Are we gonna meet some commandos?!" She squealed, "I've always wanted to meet some!" She commented.

"You have," Cody recalled, "Commando Gregor, he's been missing for some time, but he was a Commando" Cody turned to her, watching her remember the lost soldier, "But, we're not working with some commandos, we're working with a group that could very well challenge a Jedi with a fighting chance" he stated, Ahsoka nodded, understanding why Cody chose Jedi, so she'd understand how awesome these guys must be.

When they got out of hyper space Ahsoka was shocked to see a single ship, "That's it?" She thought, the young padawan had imagined a giant ship, but... She looked to Cody who had commed whoever was on this ship. She then followed quietly behind. They stood at the ship's door waiting for it to open. While they waited, Ahsoka could hear who was inside.

"Wrecker! Put some pants on! He's here!" A voice called. Ahsoka and Cody gave each other a look of 'wtf' as the door opened. "Commander!" The man greeted with a huge smile, giving him a 'bro' shake, as Ahsoka called it, "Good to see you, still look as terrible as ever I see ." He joked, getting a chuckle from Cody

"Sergeant, lovely to see you, I see you're still living in the same hobble as always." Cody retorted. Ahsoka was taken back, when has Cody ever been this.. Casual? She then coughed, elbowing Cody, who looked to her, "Oh, my bad" he smiled as they stepped into the ship, "Commander Tano, this is Sergeant Hunter" he introduced.

Hunter looked to the kid and held out his hand, he was taller than Cody. "Howdy kiddo, I'm Hunter, the one holding that glass of milk like he'll die if he doesn't is Tech, I dunno where the other two ran off to" he laughed. Ahsoka noticed how the two didn't look much like clones. They were clones though, right?

"Greetings, Sergeant Hunter, it's an honor to meet you" she shook his hand then bowed as she knew Obi-Wan would want her to. "Do you live on this ship?" She asked. Cody had gone to talk to.. Tech- She felt weirdly out of place.

"Oh yeah, the boys and I are-" Hunter turned as he saw another brother in the doorway, Ahsoka was taken back yet again, she had sensed him, how had Hunter, "Crosshair, you good?" Hunter asked his brother, who was staring at the two.

Crosshair stood still before turning his head and heading back down the hall, "WRECKER! There's a child here! Put on your pants!" He screamed yet again. Hunter shook his head.

"Ah, sorry, lil' one, Crosshair and Wrecker aren't very good in situations like these" he explained, "I told them ya'll were coming, but apparently they went back to sleep" he continued as he walking to a counter, Ahsoka following, "Can I get you something kid? Milk? Water?" He asked.

She looked to Cody, he was busy, "Oh, yes please, just some water please." She stumbled over her words. She found herself nervous, very out of place. She wanted to go to Cody, she didn't know why she felt so anxious all of a sudden. Hunter was very kind, so she didn't understand. "Thank you" she spoke as Hunter handed her a glass.

"Sure thing, I'll leave ya with those two, imma check on the other two" Hunter told her before heading down the doorway. Ahsoka nodded and almost ran to Cody, who was chatting away. She wasn't expecting Cody to be close with a group so, casual. She grabbed Cody's arm.

Cody looked down, "Hey little one," he spoke softly, "This is Tech" he introduced her as he grabbed her hand. He could tell from her posture she was anxious, "He's very smart" he explained as Ahsoka looked up.

Tech gave her a small smile, he'd taken in account to her body language that she most likely was uncomfortable in this situation, "Greetings, Commander Cody here has told me you're already quite the Jedi" he recalled. Ahsoka looked to Cody, then to Tech.

"I-" humble, a Jedi is humble, "I can only work to be as great as a Jedi as my masters are," she replied as she took another drink of water, she was suddenly so thirsty. They then all turned to see the other three come through the doorway. Ahsoka let out a soft gasp at the sight of whom she suspected was Wrecker.

"Go you two." Hunter hissed at them, shoving their backs as they walked. "Sorry 'bout that, these two are a handful" he sighed as Tech laughed, causing Crosshair and Wrecker to glare at him.

"Boys, having issues?" Cody asked, raising an eyebrow as he recalled their conversation. Crosshair crossed his arms and shook his head. Wrecker wasn't paying attention for he'd seen Ahsoka.

"You have a child." Wrecker pointed to her, Ahsoka's grip on Cody's hand tightened, "Where'd you get a child from?" Crosshair looked to her, she sensed his icy glare.

Cody shook his head, "No, Wrecker, it's not mine, it's Obi-Wan's, this is Ahsoka Tano." Cody explained, giving Ahsoka two hand squeezes, which meant it was okay.

"Hello, it's nice to meet you" she spoke, she scolded herself, that's not how she was suppose to greet people. Jedi talked different. Wrecker held out his fist and Ahsoka looked to him but then realized he was waiting for a fist bump, so that's what she did.

"Yo!" Wrecker exclaimed, "I'm Wrecker, they call me that cause I like to wreck things!" He laughed as he grabbed Crosshair's arm, who tried very hard to break free from his brother's grip, "This is Crosshair, he's a really sour prickle because I'm better at destroying droids than him" Wrecker dissed.

Crosshair snatched his arm, crossing them again before shaking his head and giving Ahsoka a nod. "Oh, sorry 'bout that" Hunter inturrupted, "Crosshair isn't one for conversation," he explained as Crosshair squeezed away from them all, "Well that's all of us, there ain't anymore." Hunter said, looking to Cody, "Well Commander? How's the mission gonna go down? Since ya brought a Jedi?"

Cody nodded, his business frown displayed as he let go of Ahsoka's hand, "Well, Hunter, ypu boys better get ready" the Marshal begun to explain as he pulled out a communicator and presented a planet. Ahsoka looked to Cody, he hadn't mentioned they were going on a mission. She saw him give her a smile as she realized. That's why Obi-Wan and Anakin didn't want her going. She tuned in as Cody composed his thoughts, this was going to be fun,

"Let's get started."

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Ready for 💔 💔 💔? Jimmy: didn't bring a 🎻 in but there'll probably be a 🌧 about in a bit so go on Janis: Clearly you didn't watch enough back to school hauls to adequately prepare yourself Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: you'll never guess who found her way to the 'how to catch a man' side of youtube though Jimmy: if it's Helena I really am fucking gutted Janis: Unlikely Janis: less she starts making a big deal out of how her MASSIVE TITS are slowly crippling her Janis: 🐰 has gone full 🐰🥘🥣 Jimmy: what the fuck kind of emojis are them? Janis: it's not my fault there's not a decent pot! Janis: also pretend to be gutted or she will be Jimmy: [draws her a lil pot emoji obvs] Jimmy: Who's pretending? 😭😭😭 Jimmy: have to console thinking about Helena's MASSIVE tits Janis: 👏 dead convincing there Janis: like 💀👑 trying to talk her out of it 'cos she's FUMING Jimmy: should've asked me to do the job for her Janis: check your DMs I'm sure she has Jimmy: [sends her some of the hilarious random DMs he has been sent lately like a highlight reel] Janis: the 💦💦 is endless Janis: you're SUCH old 🗞s Jimmy: 👴💔 Janis: at least you don't have to waste a load of 💸 on tat for her in a months time Janis: which is the only reason she's decided to get in a VERY committed relationship with a 13-year-old in the year below Jimmy: Tah for the reminder to crack on with this fake break up before then Jimmy: good job our kid's young as he is or I'd have to 🔐 Janis: I'm the one doing the breaking up, remember that first Janis: seriously though Janis: doing my head in Janis: get yourself 💐🍫 if you're this arsed gals Jimmy: 💰 on loads of 'em doing that Jimmy: should probably set up that 💌 bollocks you were on about before Janis: boys handwriting would be invaluable to 'em Janis: can't stop dotting their ❓ with ❤ Jimmy: can write with both hands an' all so it won't even be knackering Janis: show-off Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 Janis: just leave your shit chat up lines like that out Janis: dead giveaway Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I know what I'm doing Jimmy: just gotta decide who I wanna send ones that ain't been paid for to for the #drama Jimmy: and whose name I wanna 🖋 Janis: [list of the 'loved up' couples of the moment that ain't them] Janis: stick whoever you wanna see get smacked on there Janis: easy Jimmy: this school have a postbox for it or what? Janis: yeah Janis: any excuse to be cringe Jimmy: I'll make sure yours is MASSIVE, don't worry and a top work of 🎨 OBVS Jimmy: 😘 Janis: my biggest concern, OBVS Janis: if you're still here I can do it the day of for all the 💔 points for you Jimmy: we're all 🤞 Lucas'll get on the roof 💐🍫😍 and fall off but you might have to put up with ✨ pissing out all over you when you open a card from me and nowt else Jimmy: that's your 💔 Janis: looking for broken 🦴s Janis: disappointing but not surprising Jimmy: UGH fine, I'll get on the roof Janis: bet we can Jimmy: let's go then Janis: now? Jimmy: you got owt else on? Janis: obviously not Jimmy: so come on Janis: be easiest to get up there from outside the music room Janis: do you know where that is? Jimmy: direct me Janis: [do that] Janis: wait for me if you get there first Janis: sir is insisting I can't go piss because someone else just did, as if our bladders are connected Jimmy: can't do that to lasses hasn't he heard Jimmy: tell him you're about to ���💀💀 of toxic shock Janis: sadly raging at him over my blob gives off big angry lesbian vibes Janis: and I don't actually have a bloody tampon to throw at him Janis: I'll just leave in a sec but he's being a twat Jimmy: have to be the fake pregnancy fall back AGAIN Janis: one up Asia's news a bit Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: how long ago were the PE cupboard 💕? Janis: I haven't got a diary Jimmy: 😱😱 It weren't the best day of your life! 😱😱 Janis: best OF the day, how about that? Jimmy: bit rude of Asia to nick your phone Jimmy: I get that she don't want her big day ruined but Janis: 😏 Janis: like she's suddenly a top codebreaker Jimmy: #plottwist Janis: 🤓🤓💕 you 2 Jimmy: you 2 more like Jimmy: her being a dickhead means she likes you, DUH Jimmy: must be what the phone nicking were really about Janis: plottwist, they're all massive gays Jimmy: they're going on about sleepovers whenever I open the group chat Janis: you're that cliche? Janis: 👌 Jimmy: just saying it won't be a massive plot twist Janis: in your dreams, dickhead Jimmy: *nightmares Janis: 👻 do I hear someone protesting? Jimmy: Bill's lurking about loads when I get fuck all 😴 he knows I ain't pissing about wasting what dreams I do have Janis: Nice of him to entertain you Jimmy: you've seen my other offers Jimmy: didn't fancy none of them Janis: Fair Janis: he's got some witty bants at least Jimmy: he does alright Janis: better than the alternatives Janis: if I had a sleeping pill hookup, I'd take 'em myself Jimmy: you wanna watch out on that roof, mate, dunno how he'll feel about such a backhanded compliment Jimmy: steady on, bit rude to all the 🐑 hanging about for you to count, that Jimmy: how many #haters you want? Janis: you can pretend you pushed me if you're worried Jimmy: I 💭 that were the point of going up there Jimmy: no need to pretend owt Jimmy: we'll both be 💀💀💀 Janis: alright Janis: [show up] Jimmy: ['bit awkward if you've found a will to live' said like a saucy challenge] Janis: [just a look like does it look like I have? as much of a challenge as we try to find the way up onto the roof 'cos you know it's not that well hidden or secured] Jimmy: [a LOOK because always but we're also helping not just making intense eye contact forever lol] Janis: [remembering our sims school there was multiple levels so maybe you can get on the second story roof if not the third, anyway, letting you 'cos we can, even if you've got to do some lowkey parkour here, help each other and don't die] Jimmy: [it's a mood so we must, I hope your ribs are a bit more healed boy, don't do yourself further injury please] Janis: [rest when you're up there and we're just LOOKing at you like what now] Jimmy: [lighting up 🚬 for you both and doing heart shaped smoke rings because we're on a vday theme which you can totally show her how to do for some #content while you're up there] Janis: [can only imagine the funny face you're gonna have to pull to achieve that which thank god or it'd be too hot already] Jimmy: [all I can think about is when Liam and Edie were on the roof of that house they were staying in and he said he loved her so RIP me and them] Janis: [oh yes I remember that, soz we killed you guys] Jimmy: [anyway give her whatever doodle you've done today as well so she can have it in person cos I like to think you've not seen each other yet] Janis: [always love that, so much that we have to walk away and be peering over the edge dangerously just to diffuse that situation] Jimmy: [jimothy will probably pee over the edge just cos he can haha] Janis: [boy perks] Jimmy: [and they were talking about going for a piss and stuff like that always makes you want to] Janis: [you can't girl we're not falling off forreal, so hold it and contend with finding shit to throw onto the next roof down] Jimmy: [likewise join in with throwing stuff until there's nothing left and you can take your turn to LOOK at her like what now] Janis: [sharing that intense eye-contact for forever like] Jimmy: [we're not breaking it but we are pulling her closer to us] Janis: [writing 'morning' somewhere on his arm, whether we have to pull up his blazer or whatever to do that, we is] Jimmy: [writes 'good' on her in the same place because it is a good morning now we've seen the bae] Janis: [✔ like same] Jimmy: [teach her how to sign it because why not] Janis: ['we get it, you're good with your hands' 'cos mentioning being ambidexterous earlier and we KNOW so] Jimmy: [😏 and kiss her like excuse you I'm good at this too] Janis: [no room or energy to disagree here hen] Jimmy: [nobody's likely to appear and interrupt you up here lads so just enjoy that alone time] Janis: [we know we're gonna, even though it's January and this is scandalous because duh, how can we not] Jimmy: [you have done and will do way worse so] Janis: [should post those unfy smoking roof pics as we're getting down though so everyone knows you were up there but teachers can't actually prove that you were so] Jimmy: [if the teachers are checking your socials they'll get arrested hens] Janis: [easy mr lucas] Jimmy: [but yeah everyone will be well jel, blatantly gonna be a new thing for everyone to try and go to the roof now] Janis: [have fun getting caught losers lool] Jimmy: [not soz you'll never be JJ and living in a rom com] Janis: 😈 Jimmy: 😇🏹💕 Janis: You got the little nappy outfit ready to go, yeah? Jimmy: #kinkunlocked I get it Janis: 'course Janis: what girl wouldn't be 😍 Jimmy: 💀👑 probably prefers wearing them, THANK GOD she's not my target audience Janis: did she ever fake that she was 😍 over you? Jimmy: and have to put owt in the tip jar? Jimmy: SO funny, you Janis: cheek when she's allegedly the most minted Janis: making Asia make it rain 💦💸 Janis: mad she really don't fancy anyone who's not 50% of her though Jimmy: that'll be how she stays 💰💰💰 Janis: keep it in the family? Janis: 👍 Janis: bit extreme but Jimmy: if it were her only reason Jimmy: but she's OBVS 😍😍🤤 an' all Janis: 🤮 Jimmy: she in your lesson? Janis: Yeah Janis: and #2 Jimmy: What do you wanna do that'll do their heads in? Janis: 💡❓ Janis: all they keep talking about is Asia and her new boyfriend Janis: how do we pull focus from how un-goals that is when we're always 💯 Jimmy: could just break them up Janis: I'm not fucking a 13-year-old and I don't think it's a good look for you either Jimmy: never said we had to do owt with him but get in his head Jimmy: not like it'd be hard to convince the lad she's being a massive slag Janis: true, true Janis: she's only gone with him 'cos she knows he ain't gonna dump her because older girl clout Janis: and she wants the 🎁🎁 Janis: well rude Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: the school therapist'll be after him when Asia's done if Lucas ain't Janis: honestly Janis: only the right thing to do Jimmy: [edits some of the many Mia cheating pics they have to look like it could be Asia but in a pisstakey way because we're literally in class so we can't do it properly but like in a is this worth doing way] Janis: 😂😂😂 Janis: that's nightmare fuel, for sure Janis: no wonder you ain't sleeping Jimmy: sleep paralysis demon, her Janis: terrifying, poor boy Janis: but she's got way too many pounds on 💀👑 for that to work Janis: 🤔 what if there was somewhere else he'd rather be Janis: no matter how 🔥 she reckons her 🍑 is Jimmy: not gonna get my sister with him now he's been anywhere near her Janis: Not exactly what I had in mind Janis: bit weird your head went there, tbh but still Janis: you wanna throw a party anyway, yeah Janis: why not do it then a fuck over any girl thinking she's getting a romantic date night? Jimmy: bit weird they're the same age @Asia with that one Jimmy: but DUH Janis: she's only 14, being fair Janis: sounding more and more like 💀👑 by the second Janis: obvs it goes against every dating rule she has so she's 😤 😠 😡 🤬 🤯 Jimmy: feels dead wrong to split 'em up if that's what she wants Janis: at least it'd give them something else to chat about Janis: all this 💘 is making me sick already Jimmy: has to be a way to do that any road, it's fucking ages til we can have that party if we're doing it then Janis: yeah, I guess so Janis: well keep 💭 then Jimmy: I were 💭 what's another 🎁 that ain't another desk? Jimmy: any 🥇💡s? Janis: 'cos I just do this shit all the time Janis: I don't know Jimmy: Oi, don't be getting mardy with me, I only asked Janis: well don't bother asking questions I clearly don't have the answer to Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you already do all the drawings and far more shit than any lad they go out with Janis: like the whole point Janis: I don't know how we'd up that Jimmy: I said alright Janis: now who's being moody Jimmy: you Jimmy: that'll be why I'm leaving it out Janis: piss off then Jimmy: What's up with you? Janis: nothing, what's wrong with you? Jimmy: you're being a dickhead Janis: how am I? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: let's just drop it Janis: sure whatever lesson you're in is as equally thrilling as mine Jimmy: or just tell me what's wrong Jimmy: 'cause you were alright a bit ago Janis: I'm just Janis: it don't matter Janis: it's fine Jimmy: bollocks Janis: it can be Janis: 🤫 Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: come on Janis: it's alright Janis: just everyone else getting on my nerves, as per Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: what? Janis: be my mate Jimmy: I am Janis: sorry, alright Jimmy: what were it you said, it don't matter Janis: yeah but Janis: change the subject or something Jimmy: put me on the spot a bit there, dickhead Janis: 😏 Janis: but you're such a natural conversationalist Jimmy: it ain't my fault I can't stop thinking about you long enough to put a sentence together Janis: that's very smooth considering Janis: keep saying things like that, who wouldn't be jealous Jimmy: just how I feel, must not have as many dickheads in this lesson as you Jimmy: ☀ Janis: I'm not not thinking about you Janis: I just don't know what to do about that Janis: maybe less so Jimmy: What do you wanna do about it? Janis: how many lessons you reckon we can realistically walk out of? Jimmy: the rest of 'em Janis: Why are we even staying? Jimmy: we're not Janis: That is the best idea you've ever had Jimmy: I dunno, I reckoned the roof were a decent shout Jimmy: but I get it, soz it took me fucking ages Janis: You didn't get how I felt about the roof? Jimmy: 🤏 Jimmy: might've had some idea Janis: I can show you again but you know Janis: little rude Jimmy: 😏 Janis: Crap with words but there's loads else I can do Jimmy: I were gonna say I heard what I needed to up there but Jimmy: there's loads else I want to Janis: Don't be #overit yet Jimmy: sounds fake, that Jimmy: you just want me to 🗨 how not over it I am Janis: so? Jimmy: I already did do Janis: then I must've really meant it Jimmy: you've got nowt to worry about Janis: good Jimmy: Where we going? Janis: We can go to mine if you don't wanna go to yours Janis: or do you wanna go DO something Jimmy: be #goals whatever happens Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Janis: I'm not thinking about #goals even though that's true Janis: I am thinking about how many times I could make you cum on that fucking bus ride Janis: come to mine, no one will be there, so there's loads of things we can do Jimmy: I just meant that bit don't matter but if I were thinking it did before I don't now Jimmy: and you've already sold me on the fucking bus ride so owt else is a bonus Janis: 😁 seems like a bit of a pisstake but Jimmy: it won't be Jimmy: except for the 👵🚍👀 Janis: They go to town at the crack of dawn Janis: shouldn't be loads Janis: but I can make you forget about that as well Jimmy: I don't care if there is loads Jimmy: I told you, I can't stop thinking about you Janis: It's distracting Janis: you are Janis: but fuck this place anyway Jimmy: *you are Janis: you started it Janis: and I'm not sorry Jimmy: I'm not sorry I started it Janis: Good Janis: it's Janis: working for me Jimmy: you'll forget about whatever's doing your head in in a bit Janis: already have Jimmy: come here then Janis: only if you ask again Jimmy: please Janis: 😍 Janis: okay Janis: [run babies run] Jimmy: [I know you only just went back from the hols but fuck school tbh] Janis: [we aren't that bothered ever but truly, you're both smart enough to pass just fine, we got life to be living and love to be falling into] Jimmy: [got a really long bus ride to be extra through soz not soz it's a whole vibe] Janis: [we're about it, and we can show you the actual decent stuff about the cali residence 'cos it's not the place we dislike it's the people rn soz guys] Jimmy: [we all know it's a cool af house even if there are a 10000000000000 cats] Janis: [lmao, at least they gonna be less fussy than Twix so you'll be alright lads] Jimmy: [have a lovely time but probably avoid your room gal since we're not drunk af like we were on christmas eve] Janis: [we know there's nothing there to show it's fine, y'all can chill wherever you want] Jimmy: [love it for you, honestly surprised you ever bother going to school rn tbh] Janis: [only 'cos we clearly can't hang around mcvickers 'cos they're both old enough to be retired even if they're only semi-retired, and you have to take Bobby to school so like, may as well not like you can get extra shifts when they know you're 15 and not out of school] Jimmy: [and it's an easy way to be #goals as they've already proved with the desk escapades] Janis: [mhmm, and an excuse to see each other you so don't need now but you know] Jimmy: [the tea] Janis: [do we wanna do anything when they are at the gaff etc?} Jimmy: [probably nothing too heavy but if you've got anything you want to happen we can] Janis: [lbr, we know we're being cute af and saucy] Jimmy: [I'm devastated that you can't stay forever as will you be, but at least you'll have a fair while even with the long af bus which is only gonna be fun on the way there unless you're leaving together too] Janis: [you should probably stay gal as the school will call to say you went missing and you'd be better to deal with that rather than have her think you've run away again lol] Janis: 👋 Jimmy: [Gonna be fun going home to Ian, I hope for your sake boy you've got work for a bit first for that reprieve even though it'll probably make him angrier cos you're gone longer] Jimmy: 🥺👋 Janis: [mhmm, like get over it Ian it's one day but ANYWAY] Janis: I wish I could've come Jimmy: and I wish I could've hung about a bit longer Janis: fucking real life, eh Jimmy: nowt'll be more 💔 than if the ☕ start cracking on making themselves and I have to look out for a new way to earn 💰 Jimmy: but I get that you wanna be my fantasy, girl so I won't call it a bit rude that you're 🗨 all that just then were fake Janis: Never happen Janis: they like the fake smile on your face when you give it 'em Janis: not fake Janis: just not 💩 like the rest Jimmy: I'll take all them assurances, tah for not getting too near a compliment Jimmy: thought it were gonna be a bit touch and go at the end there Janis: not to mention the carnage if it was self-service Janis: only afford the steam burns if they're paying you minimum wage Janis: 😘 Janis: shut up Jimmy: not just any dickhead can pull off that many scars Jimmy: 😎🚬 Janis: 😏 Janis: I get it, you want MORE compliments Janis: not like I just spent all day showing you how hot I think you are Jimmy: or more worthwhile wounds Jimmy: unless you're gonna kick off about there being no more time or space for them an' all Janis: Oi Janis: don't make me sound like that bitch Janis: cheek Janis: 🔪 you any time you like, you know that Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: can never have it in writing too many times Janis: you trying to get me done for not keeping my word? Jimmy: 👮🚔 Jimmy: don't bother going back on it and you'll be alright Janis: should've known Janis: you're all the same Jimmy: can't 🗨 you didn't know what you were getting into, Jennifer Jimmy: 🐷💕 Janis: my dads rolling in his grave Jimmy: still 🤞 you and your fake tan'll put mine in his Janis: I'll put on my nan's accent Janis: turn it up a notch Jimmy: 😂 Janis: or just intro them Janis: he'd feel so #attacked Jimmy: only if you can promise me she'll chuck a bible at him Janis: 🤞 Janis: can't promise much about her but it's 99% Jimmy: it's a date then 🍷🍞 Janis: 😂 Janis: enjoy Jimmy: be PROPER awks if we've misread this and she ends up my new mum Janis: She's still got delusions about being the pastor's wife Janis: she's too nosy to settle down and have her own life anyway, you're fine Jimmy: poor bloke Janis: your dad or father daddy? Jimmy: not chucking any sympathy Ian's way Jimmy: he's always got the full orchestra playing for himself, there's no need Janis: got ya Janis: I'll make it up to him whenever I get 'round the repenting Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: bit of time with me on my knees'll sort him right out Janis: fuck off Janis: we're not sharing Jimmy: Why not? Janis: 'cos I want him Janis: get your own boyfriend, bitch Jimmy: thank GOD Pete'll be in Janis: 😒 Janis: shot myself in the foot there Jimmy: made your 🛏 have to lie in it with the hot priest, you Janis: 😣 😖 😫 Janis: don't be mean Janis: it was an involuntary reaction Janis: being a twin means you don't want to share anything Jimmy: you're alright, I'm more forgiving than him and his mate in the ☁s Jimmy: might let you be my mate again eventually Janis: aaaaand share your boyfriend, yeah? Janis: thanks 💖 Jimmy: be up to him, that Jimmy: but agreeing to having a go at being his lead 🎤's bound to make up his mind Jimmy: the lad he got last time you said no is shite Janis: Oh God Janis: do they play the CG? Janis: 😬 Jimmy: that gonna make you rush in or steer clear? Janis: I'm not sure I can fake the enthusiasm Janis: and yes, that IS saying something, thank you Janis: tell him to 📞 me if they ever start getting paid Jimmy: @ him yourself Jimmy: loads of jobs but none of 'em are as your messenger boy Jimmy: ain't chucked 🗞️🗞️🗞️ about for ages Janis: you're such a slag Janis: called playing it cool Janis: look it up 🤓 Jimmy: look up frigid Jimmy: 🥶🥶🧊 Janis: piss off Jimmy: didn't reckon on that rumour being the one that were true but here we are Janis: don't be a twat Janis: you literally know it isn't Jimmy: still feel free to remind me whenever you like Janis: yeah, really convincing that Jimmy: What, you need MORE convincing than earlier on? Janis: oh, now you're calling me a slag Janis: make up your mind and shut up, yeah? Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you planning to leave me with my 💭 this whole 🚍 ride? Janis: I should Janis: but it is longer than the journey to hell so Jimmy: you have left me loads to think about, give you that Jimmy: 🏆🥇 Janis: it's mutual Janis: is an understatement Jimmy: yeah, I felt that Janis: bit rude Janis: every time I think seeing you is gonna get you out of my head Janis: never does though Jimmy: bit rude that you want me out when you've said you've not got owt else on Janis: yeah but I can't be around you all the time so it's just inconvenient Jimmy: I'm not stopping you and my 👻 manager'd have a job to Jimmy: and we've already proved school can't Janis: If you're still there when I've dealt with my ma Janis: could Jimmy: if not you know where else I'll be Janis: yeah Janis: I do have work to do and all though Jimmy: OBVS Jimmy: 🐕's can't 🏃 themselves without the owners getting right mardy Janis: Thank God Janis: can't be arsed to sing for my supper yet Jimmy: after though Jimmy: you can do us a lullaby Janis: you just want me to sleep over Jimmy: Oi, don't make me sound like them huns Janis: 💅💄🍿☕️🧸💖 Janis: you Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: will you hang about if I let you chuck 🧸s about and smack me with a pillow or what? Janis: your nightmare not mine Janis: but as you asked nicely Jimmy: 👍 Janis: What song do you want? Janis: 🎶😴 Jimmy: what song do you wanna do? Janis: [list off some hilariously inappropriate lullabies] Jimmy: number 6 Janis: 😏 Janis: thank god the little ones deaf Janis: hate to be a bad influence Jimmy: 🖍👂 were bad enough Janis: mini 💘story is worse Jimmy: but that's nowt to do with us Janis: 'course not Janis: so pure and real Jimmy: be worse if they hated each other like him and Amsterdam, never be able to chuck him anywhere Janis: yeah Janis: and she's annoying whatever she's 🗨 about so makes no odds to me Jimmy: we better start being the NICEST ever to your nan so he can sleep there and not piss on our party plans Janis: that'll involve you not being as nice as you wanna, perv Janis: tone it down Jimmy: tone down your jealousy, Jules, I'll come to your window an' all Janis: She don't fancy you, sorry to break it to you Jimmy: she's not gonna admit it to you, dickhead Janis: She's not gonna be able to fake that with a remotely straight face, more like Jimmy: must be where you get it from Janis: better than you Jimmy: bollocks Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Janis: no Jimmy: based on what? Janis: erm, all my performances vs yours, OBVS Jimmy: mine's been as good as yours Janis: hmm Janis: 😂 Jimmy: you're just being a twat 'cause your fit nan 💕s me Janis: and you're just mad 'cos Will wouldn't even cast you as a background character Jimmy: he has done so that's even more bollocks you're chatting now Jimmy: should be chuffed she's not going blind, babe Janis: bit awkward to boot you now Janis: massive head, takes a lot to shift Jimmy: far as excuses go, a TOP athlete like you should have better Jimmy: 🥉 if that Janis: let me start auditions first, arsehole Jimmy: 👌 Janis: 👌 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: stop it Janis: you're the one being a twat, twat Jimmy: how am I? Janis: Where do I start? Janis: I'd rather just not, as I just said Jimmy: at buying some time before you have a proper go 'cause you know I've done nowt wrong, by the sounds of it Jimmy: but alright Janis: I didn't say you'd done anything wrong Janis: just that you were being annoying on purpose Jimmy: Why would I bother with that? Janis: You tell me Jimmy: the answer is I obvs wouldn't Janis: OBVS Janis: 👍 Jimmy: you stop it Janis: I'm not doing anything Janis: so yeah, alright Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: I'd be in the group chat if I were trying to 🗨 in 👍👌🙄 Janis: not my job to entertain you is it Jimmy: I never said it were Jimmy: if you were on the clock it wouldn't be like pulling 🦷🦷 trying to have a word Janis: oh, whatever Janis: I don't like talking, that's not news and it's none of your business Jimmy: and you've heard I like talking to you when you're not being a MASSIVE dickhead Jimmy: give me a clue when that'll be Janis: I've got other shit on Jimmy: and I've not? Janis: I never said you didn't Janis: that was you Jimmy: I'm just not using it as a bollocks excuse to be a twat Janis: I'm not excusing anything, I'm saying you don't know what I do or don't have on, at any point Jimmy: 'cause it's none of my business, you just said Janis: basically, yeah Jimmy: whatever, as you said an' all Jimmy: in a bit Janis: later then Jimmy: yeah Janis: [you're gonna have to leave this some time and I'm gonna have to fix it, well done gal, not leaving it too long though 'cos not that deep so just deal with it, you could still be on the bus tbh lmao] Jimmy: [seeds are being sown and honestly yeah it is a really long bus ride I hope you left yourself enough time boy or you'll be late for work] Janis: sorry, okay Janis: just ignore me, I'm just stressed Janis: you've not done anything Jimmy: I got that Jimmy: how stressed you are Janis: yeah, I know Janis: you don't need that ever Janis: let alone before work Jimmy: @iantaylor8 before I get back, might stop him getting a mard on an' all Janis: He's gonna be raging? Jimmy: when's he not? Jimmy: he'll be chuffed to bits I gave him something to have a go about Jimmy: you talk to your mum yet? Janis: Any excuse Janis: not like we had anything important on today Janis: or ever, really but you know Janis: she won't be back for a bit Janis: just avoiding my sisters in the meantime Jimmy: how many 🐕s you done? Janis: got six here that all walk together alright, get that in before she's back Jimmy: 💰 on my sister not having done ours, you can use that as a reason to piss off when you need Janis: If she ain't seething, might drop me off Janis: save the dog's bladder bursting whilst the bus goes round every fucking street on the way Jimmy: didn't go back at lunch, might already be 💀💀💀 Janis: shit Janis: what time is your dad back? Jimmy: probably will be,  have to check the 👞👟🥾 Jimmy: house'll be trashed if nowt else Jimmy: meant to be 🕠 but it never is Janis: I can leave a note at mine Janis: be there well before he is Janis: only took a day off, say I got that period or whatever Jimmy: not your problem, no need to cause any with your mum for the 🐕's sake Janis: it's not a problem Janis: just replying that I hadn't run away earlier when the school messaged her was more than enough Jimmy: alright Janis: won't charge extra for mopping up piss Janis: didn't think, when I said we should go to mine Jimmy: you don't have to Jimmy: mop up piss or 💭🐕💔 Janis: you can't, you're already doing a job so Jimmy: he can get the mop out, it were his 🥇💡 to get a dog Janis: may as well though Jimmy: IOU then Janis: nah Janis: 'cos IOU Jimmy: Oi, don't be turning me down Jimmy: any time you fancy having a piss on my floor, I'll sort it Janis: 😂 Janis: thanks Janis: big #kinkunlocked obviously Jimmy: I know, that'll be why I'm allowing it Janis: Well considerate of you Jimmy: sound more shocked, Joanne Janis: I ain't Jimmy: good Janis: you know I didn't mean it Jimmy: What bit? Janis: not wanting to talk to you Jimmy: I got that when you started talking to me again Janis: yeah, alright Janis: just saying Jimmy: what's gonna make you 😁? Janis: Is that what you want? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Jimmy: not like I've spent ages today trying to do it or owt Janis: I can not be a moody bitch without being 😁 though, honest Jimmy: and I can make you 😁 Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: you have Janis: loads Jimmy: it don't matter if your face ain't stuck like it Jimmy: I'll have another go Janis: what about you? Jimmy: What about me? Janis: What emoji do you want me to make you? Jimmy: your fav obvs Jimmy: 🤗 Janis: 😏 Janis: I'll do my best Jimmy: I get it, you know Jimmy: what you said before about the rest being 💩 Janis: it just really shows how shit everything else and everyone is Janis: how boring and just Janis: bit of a headfuck Jimmy: yeah and I get it an' all that you have shit you have to do but Jimmy: I meant what I said about you not having to go nowhere Jimmy: my 🏠'll be trashed and the 🐕's a dickhead but you can still hang around whenever you want Janis: I don't though Janis: not in comparison to you, that's just the truth Janis: it just makes me sound pathetic when you put it like that Janis: but thanks Jimmy: shut up, you've got a job same as me Janis: you know what I mean Jimmy: I know I ain't gonna hold it over your head that your mum ain't chucking 👶s at you to look after or being a massive bellend all the time Jimmy: what kind of weird 🎻💔😭 bollocks 🏆s is that? Janis: well I knew you'd hate it that's why I didn't say it earlier Janis: I'm just not trying to take the piss with stupid non-problems Jimmy: everyone's got shit, not just me Janis: yeah Janis: and I've got plenty Janis: being stressed about skiving school ain't one of 'em though, it weren't that Jimmy: I never thought it were Janis: I've got a handle on it now though Jimmy: alright Jimmy: made that 😁 challenge even more piss easy for me then Janis: You mad about that or Janis: I can make it harder again easy Jimmy: go on, I ain't 🙀🙀 Jimmy: 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: 😶 there you go Janis: complete blank slate Jimmy: Tah Janis: Yeah well, all the pressure Jimmy: that meant to be a ✔ or ❌? Janis: it means I'm doing what you asked and giving you an actual challenge Jimmy: that consideration's catching Janis: great Janis: need a cream for that, do I Jimmy: might do if it starts irritating you, like Jimmy: 🤞 it don't react with your fake tan Janis: is red more or less offensive than beige? 🤔 Jimmy: less Jimmy: colour of 🩸🌹💘 Bill's fav, that Janis: we already know he 💘s me Janis: about making your dad 😡🤬 not me Jimmy: already did do Jimmy: nowt challenging about making Ian fuming Janis: yeah but that's what you want me to do and keep doing Jimmy: it's not why I want you to stay Janis: it'd be a bit rude if that was all you wanted me for Jimmy: I just mean he's not the reason I do owt Jimmy: doing his head in gives my sister something to do with her 😡🤬 but he don't matter to me Janis: yeah, it isn't about him Janis: but getting him fuming enough you can all go home is, I mean Jimmy: which ain't even been working Jimmy: as plans go it were never 🥇 Janis: what letter plan was it? Jimmy: you know I can't count, mate Jimmy: dunno my letters either Janis: we don't have to talk about it though Janis: not right now Jimmy: We're here so whatever goes I had at getting him to not take the job or owt I did to try and stop us from leaving didn't work Jimmy: what's to talk about? Janis: you're giving up? Jimmy: never said that Janis: alright Janis: I get it Jimmy: do you? Janis: you either haven't thought out your next step, or I can't help you with it and it isn't my business Janis: either way, don't wanna or have to talk about it now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: not a total idiot, cheers Jimmy: never said that either Jimmy: feeling like one 'cause you had a massive strop is nowt to do with me Janis: fuck off Janis: 1. I didn't 2. Weren't talking about that no more Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: what are you rolling your eyes at me for Jimmy: what you mean you don't get that? Jimmy: don't sound like you Janis: wow Janis: nice Jimmy: just leave it out Janis: whatever Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I'm not staying, pay me whatever you would your sister for the dog Jimmy: I don't pay her Jimmy: @ my dad for his rates Janis: obviously not Jimmy: don't come then, even easier, that Janis: It's nothing to do with you Janis: the dog needs walking Jimmy: not by you Janis: why not Jimmy: why are you SO bothered? Janis: because it's needless and cruel Janis: it isn't hard Janis: and it's literally what I do so just shut up Jimmy: it ain't hard for my sister to do it Janis: is she going to or are you fobbing me off Jimmy: not a 🧠📖 Janis: for fuck's sake Janis: I don't need your permission, I'm going round anyway Jimmy: you don't get nowt so don't act like you do Janis: fine, take your 🎻💔😭🏆 and shove it Jimmy: ✔ Janis: so glad you're happy Jimmy: so glad you ain't lost your sense of humour Janis: the gags that I never had one, so where's yours Jimmy: Dunno, maybe you'll find it when you're pissing about at mine Jimmy: places the spare 🔑 has to get left are getting weirder and weirder Janis: I'm just knocking Janis: you might be arsed but doubt your sisters stopping me doing a job for her Jimmy: be about right Janis: be weird id she cared Janis: if* Jimmy: no weirder than you reckoning she'll bother to answer the door Janis: You're being ridiculous Jimmy: that's you Janis: no, it ain't Jimmy: yeah it is, this 🐕💔 being the hill you wanna 💀💀💀 on Janis: I told you why Janis: not rocket science Jimmy: and I told you why not to, neither's that Janis: I didn't say it was your fault but it's not fair on the dog and you know that Janis: I'm not gonna pretend I don't 'cos you're pissed off with me Jimmy: 📞 the rspca then, be doing me a bigger favour than this bollocks is Janis: if you wanted to, you would've done it yourself Janis: the kid 💕 it and that's why Jimmy: funny way of showing it she's got Jimmy: can't even do something she gets 💰 chucked at her for Janis: yeah and that hardly takes a genius to work out either Jimmy: no need for you to get your head round what's up with her an' all Janis: stop acting like I'm fucking therapizing you Jimmy: stop doing it Janis: fuck this Jimmy: yeah Janis: [you better walk away gal but we're clearly going to attempt to walk Twix still] Jimmy: [at least he's not there so you won't brawl] Janis: [oh the drama mick] Jimmy: [oh boy, it's not her fault you don't wanna leave dublin anymore, well it is but don't be rude] Janis: [quite literally your fault but that's a convo we're not ready to have yet clearly lol] Jimmy: [a convo we've literally had twice drunk lol lol] Janis: [oh lads, we're literally in such a tiz, thank god you didn't stay home tbh] Jimmy: [don't need to have a blazing row with your poor mother] Janis: [make this Thing an actual Thing™ though that is lowkey the deal in the fam being suspish of you boy but still] Jimmy: [literally don't know how I'm gonna fix this because he thinks he's in the right here, sir your pants] Janis: [like he's not not but we didn't really get what he was saying 'cos neither of you was saying enough/the right things lol] Jimmy: [she's not a mind reader either jimothy] Janis: [fair, we're probably going to go out and get drunk somewhere so I could always come @ you] Jimmy: [good idea because that's not a luxury he has until work is over at least and even then not really because Ian will be throwing his toys out of the pram] Janis: [yeah, like he's really not gonna be in the mood is he but we'll do it anyway, good luck lmao] Jimmy: [how much later are we saying it is like is he at work or has it been ages?] Janis: [well it's fully a monday so like what kind of party would be happening, so it's probably on the earlier side like we're just 'hanging' somewhere and drinking, but by the time we come for you you can probably be leaving work/home like] Jimmy: [makes sense] Janis: are you okay? Janis: what did he do? Janis: can't stop thinking about it Jimmy: I'm not back yet, nowt to worry about Janis: oh Janis: it's not that late Janis: still so dark 🌨⛄ Jimmy: you alright? Janis: yeah Janis: but no too Jimmy: ? Janis: I don't like it when we don't talk Janis: but I'm not dying in a ditch, that's what I mean Jimmy: but where are you? Janis: at the park with some people Janis: not the park, a park though Jimmy: what park? Jimmy: it's freezing Janis: I don't know, the one on [some estate he's not going to know gal but anyway, a let's get drunk in parks energy] Janis: it's not that cold, had my coat on anyway Jimmy: SO helpful, you Jimmy: it's not that cold now you're pissed, my dear Janis: That is half the point Janis: idk what you expect me to tell you, it's not like the park has a name, just a bit of grass and some swings Jimmy: I've got a map up 🤞 I get there before you 🥶🥶🥶 Janis: you're coming to see me? Janis: but you're angry at me Jimmy: I'm bringing you ☕ to warm and sober you up a bit, then I'm taking you to your nans Janis: I don't want to Jimmy: you wanna go home? Janis: god no Jimmy: you can't stay there Janis: not all night Janis: but it isn't even late Jimmy: not the point, dickhead Jimmy: I've got enough to worry about without adding you to the list Janis: don't worry about me Janis: I'm just trying to have fun Janis: I'm worried about you Jimmy: bit late for that Janis: 😠 Jimmy: don't you start, girl, I've hung up my apron now Jimmy: already on my way Janis: you can't try to seduce me to change the subject Janis: not that drunk Jimmy: weren't the plan Janis: why you talking like that then Jimmy: what? Janis: like Mias there and you want her to fancy you too Jimmy: I dunno what you're on about Janis: daddy 👏 energy 👏 Janis: anyway, literally said you wouldn't distract from the point so sh Jimmy: you Janis: but Jimmy: 🤫 Janis: sorry for caring Jimmy: it weren't what you signed up for Janis: not what you signed me up for, you mean Jimmy: go on, make it sound more like I forced you into something Janis: that's like Janis: the opposite of what I'm saying Jimmy: alright Janis: you keep turning things 'round and it's not what I mean Jimmy: just say what you mean Janis: I am Janis: I'm trying Janis: I just don't want you to get really hurt again but I can't do anything about it Jimmy: there's nowt I can do about it either Jimmy: how do you think I feel? Janis: I can't imagine Jimmy: don't Jimmy: 💭❌ Janis: I were never saying I knew what that was like Janis: I wouldn't Jimmy: not something I want us to have in common Janis: 'course not Jimmy: there you go then, can't have a go at you for not having a clue Janis: you can Janis: or you could just tell me what you do want me to do Janis: or say Janis: or not say or do Jimmy: that'd be taking the daddy energy a bit far, babe Janis: alright, not any other time, tah Janis: just let me fix this Janis: and not fuck it up again Jimmy: you heard Jimmy: there's nowt either of us can do Janis: okay Janis: I know that Janis: but how do I not annoy you about it Janis: because I don't think I can just fake that I don't know Jimmy: I don't have an answer I can just chuck at you Janis: okay then Jimmy: if I did I'd have loads of mates and a real girlfriend, duh Jimmy: that charming and social, me Janis: I'm glad you don't have a girlfriend though Jimmy: me and Bill's 👻 an' all Janis: I've got no friends either Jimmy: Oi, what am I? Janis: I don't know Janis: what are you Jimmy: 💔 RUDE Jimmy: I'm your best mate Janis: my best mate Janis: who I think about every time I cum, alright Jimmy: why isn't it? Janis: just confusing Janis: it can be both Janis: probably Jimmy: don't have to be if we just 🗨 Jimmy: it's been alright up til now Janis: very rude if that's your review Jimmy: shut up, you know what I mean Janis: do you want me to 🗨 or 🤫 Janis: just confused now 😏 Jimmy: I've missed you but if you wanna change my mind about it Janis: no, no Janis: I can behave Jimmy: making promises you can't keep Janis: cheek Jimmy: we'll see when I get there Janis: I missed you too Janis: I don't know what's wrong with me Jimmy: other than being a massive pisshead, you mean Janis: psh Janis: what else am I meant to do Jimmy: you want a list or what? Janis: yes, go on Jimmy: 1. 🗨 to me 2. come 👋 to me and my 👻 manager 3. workshop a 💀💀💀 scene with Bill 4. 🐕🏃 5. @ Lucas or 💀👑's dad for a lift Jimmy: just off the top of my head Janis: 1. we weren't 🗨 2. so I couldn't 👋 even if your manager actually existed 3. he's your mate 4. you definitely didn't want me to do that earlier either 5. just admit you want me 💀💀💀 now like Jimmy: 1. gotta start somewhere, Jessica 2. he were actually about, believe it or not! 3. he is with THAT attitude 4. I definitely don't want you spending all my 💰 either 5. I ALWAYS want to 💀💀💀 you, I've admitted that before Janis: 1. what's this? 2. so sad I missed him/my chance to seduce him for a job then 3. #ladsladslads with him forever 4. only said that 'cos you made me mad and I said for like a five not ALL your 💰 not that stereotype 5. then why are you letting either of them do it instead? Jimmy: 1. but before or instead of getting off your head were the point 2. 💔 for you and him both 3. speaking of, how many lads off that estate am I gonna have to smack before we can leave? 4. you still fuming at me or what? 5. never said I'd let it happen, just that it could do Janis: I'm not still mad at you Janis: it was a solid 60% my fault anyway Janis: I don't even know what we were talking about or then why we weren't, really Jimmy: then how do you know owt were your fault? Janis: 'cos you've explained since Jimmy: I were being a dickhead, it's not you Janis: no, it's alright Janis: you weren't Jimmy: I were and it's not alright Jimmy: you're the only bit that's not shit and taking the rest out on you ain't gonna change them, it'll only fuck this up an' all Janis: I'm not looking to make any of it harder Janis: that's not what a mate should do Jimmy: and I made it loads easier for you a bit ago when I already knew you weren't 😁 Janis: that's really nothing though Janis: stupid high school level shit Jimmy: meant to be cheering you up, that's what I said I'd do Jimmy: not nowt that I did the opposite Janis: okay, but I wasn't helping you none neither Janis: so we can be even Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Janis: am I going to need to come find you? Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: um, a really valid one from experience Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: I'm not the one who's pissed, tah very much Janis: you exaggerate Jimmy: you take the piss Jimmy: I'm not lost Janis: okay, okay Janis: it'd be rude not to check Janis: you could die Janis: or 🥶🥶🥶 Jimmy: too northern for that bollocks Jimmy: what kind of truce is this? Janis: 🤐 Jimmy: have a swing, I'll be there in a bit Janis: someone's hoyed 'em over Janis: so rude Jimmy: fuck's sake Jimmy: never did answer me on how many lads I'd have to 🥊 Janis: Not sure if it was one of them Janis: I'll ask for you Jimmy: 💰 on it being you when you were FUMING Jimmy: trying to blame these poor lads now Janis: 😱 Janis: I WOULD NEVER Janis: pain to get back down, even if your da is like, freakishly tall or something Jimmy: never admit it now I've caught you out, more like Jimmy: know what you're like Jimmy: trying to show off and make the most of your 🦒 perks Janis: yeah, all these lads are SO cool Jimmy: never said it were for them Jimmy: might've been waiting to impress me Janis: well are you impressed? Jimmy: haven't seen the state of nowt yet Janis: you're an idiot Jimmy: yeah 🤏 Janis: I like it Jimmy: then I'll live Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: Would it make it better or worse if I come back to yours Jimmy: better this time, worse the next Janis: What would you rather I do? Jimmy: you know the answer to that Janis: but are you sure Jimmy: are you? Janis: I'll be fine going to my nans, for me Janis: I don't know what's better for you Janis: yeah, I can delay it now, or let it be less tonight than it COULD be Janis: but neither of those feels good Janis: so I just wanna do what you want Jimmy: so stay Janis: okay Jimmy: okay Janis: we could get rid of him the old-fashioned way Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: I'll get lost Janis: seriously Janis: how hard can it be Jimmy: piss easy if you don't care about the bit where you get caught Jimmy: how you gonna walk my 🐕 from prison? Janis: well that's why we do it properly Janis: just need to do the groundwork Janis: keep slyly telling any nosy neighbours you're moving back soon because he's lost his job, so they don't @ him Janis: then backdate a resignation letter to send to his work Jimmy: then what? Jimmy: can't actually piss off back up north without the dickhead Janis: well, you could, ferry is well cheap Janis: what you'd do when you get there is another issue Jimmy: keep dreaming, baby Jimmy: it's never gonna happen Jimmy: you're stuck with me for a bit Janis: I don't want you to leave anyway Janis: not my dream Jimmy: what'd you bring it up for then? Janis: you could stay and we could kill him Jimmy: we'd be prime suspects Jimmy: and they'd take the 👶👶🐕 off me Janis: nah, 'cos if we sort work and your neighbours and move you in with me who's looking Janis: 💡 Janis: see Jimmy: your whole family'd be 👀🍿 Jimmy: and your 🐕 best mate'd be eaten by 🐈🐈🐈 Janis: hardly Janis: 2 of my sisters got married before they were 20 and one of 'em is dead Janis: can't say nothing Janis: don't fight how much sense it makes tah Jimmy: you're so Janis: fucked up? Jimmy: not what I were gonna say Janis: they are Janis: try and distance myself from it but Jimmy: if we were judging each other by our family I'd come off loads worse Jimmy: no tah Janis: no need to have the competition Jimmy: 'cause you're losing Janis: nah Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: 🏆 goes to me Janis: nope no no no nah Janis: you have no idea and you don't need it Jimmy: alright, stop going on about it and 🗨 something you want me to know Janis: 😳 Jimmy: go on Janis: bit on the spot, like you say Jimmy: but you're 💭 about something or you wouldn't be 😳 Janis: too bad you're not a 🧠📖 Jimmy: just have to read your body language instead Jimmy: [show up sir] Janis: ['scuse us random park people, biggest run and hug ever] Jimmy: [holding onto her for the longest time and we're not sorry] Janis: [lowkey like don't cry gal, so overwhelmed and drunk dangerous combo here] Jimmy: [gal we know all about trying not to cry Imma get you out of here asap] Janis: [not letting you say anything intelligible yet] Jimmy: [it's fine we're totally picking her up so we can leave] Janis: [soz not soz to the lads who clearly thought you were about to get off with them or something] Jimmy: [bye bye boys have fun] Janis: [hope you're near enough to his lads 'I'm really sorry'] Jimmy: ['it's alright' cos it is and snuggling her as we carry her like] Janis: [sighs 'it's not' but we mean everything else so we're snuggling him back even harder Jimmy: [kissing the top of her head like yeah it is] Janis: ['you're the loveliest, that's what I want you to know'] Jimmy: [clearly 😳 about this because not what we expected her to say but we're also doing a little genuine smile so] Janis: [just softly stroking his cheeks though you probably can't even see in this light/state we just know, about to blurt something about but just about catching ourselves 'tell me something then'] Jimmy: ['are you gonna remember it?' cos we gonna catch ourselves too before being too extra] Janis: ['yes!' indignantly like how dare you, nudging him like go on 'I'll tell you another if you do'] Jimmy: ['alright, one thing I want you to know is how much this means' keeping it deliberately vague as if we're just talking about the Ian situation because we clearly aren't lol 'to me that you-that you're-' still not finishing our sentences though soz about it] Janis: [squeezing him wherever you're holding onto him, but gently please let's not fall and die here although 'I love you' not leaving like a sec here 'like I care about you, you know' and how rushed that last bit is like and I oop] Jimmy: [we've straight up died so whatever we say back is too muffled to understand because we're hardcore hiding in the bae and also using our softest voice ever] Janis: [casual panic happening in silence here but we move, meant it and can't take it back so at least you're drunk enough that you can't really try to run away rn] Jimmy: [lifting our head when she moves because we think she's gonna try and run away and that's a hard no from us 'always gotta one up me, you' but we're still using our soft voice so you know it's not a pisstake 'not gonna win the awards against you but I care about you an' all'] Janis: [shrugs like yes, that's what it was, of course 'just that good'] Jimmy: ['I know' giving her 😍 as we say it because we mean it] Janis: [going in for a makeout moment] Jimmy: [allowing it because he also meant it when he said he missed her and the feels are too high not to even though she's drunk and he's obvs not] Janis: [it's fine, we know we're being extra with it because we are drunk so it's not like you've got it wrong boy] Jimmy: [we're being extra too cos we're in our emotions and I don't trust you to speak rn sir, always makes me laugh like how far have we even gotten away from this park] Janis: [seriously, like you already said it girl you better stop lmao, I hope far enough that we're not giving a free show, also you're nearly at his but probably not knowing y'all] Jimmy: [hope you're at least off this estate so we're not getting whistled and shouted at by chavs cos that'll really ruin the moment] Janis: [like get that you're both in this moment but there's only so much you can ignore really] Jimmy: [I'll make it rain or snow if I have to lads so that'll move along, don't test me] Janis: [least you're gonna have some urgency by how hard we're going rn 'cos no shame] Jimmy: [an incentive to get home is very much needed cos Ian will be a delight] Janis: [I'm like gal do not speak that could be disastrous] Jimmy: [going upstairs immediately for all the reasons] Janis: [can't come for Ian and his life, it'd be amusing but make everything worse so not rn, in that bed tah] Jimmy: [we'll give you other opportunities gal but this is not the one] Janis: [not when you're drunk, not gonna be witty, just like fuck you bitch] Jimmy: [it's gonna be ages before you get back anyway cos we know y'all will keep stopping, never any chill] Janis: [we all know it, there is no chill now or ever] Jimmy: [hence I am making you walk, not letting you anywhere near a bus or anything rn] Janis: [do we wanna skip to being at his or to the AM or quoiiiii] Jimmy: [good question, we can probably skip to later at his because you can't avoid Ian forever, even if we're kind and say he's not around when they first get there] Janis: [what's your vibe like is he gonna come in and make Jimmy come out to talk or ambush him like what's the tea sis] Jimmy: [I feel like Jimothy's gonna have to go make tea at some point because it's his love language so he'll probably get ambushed in the kitchen then] Janis: [ugh SIR] Jimmy: [is nothing sacred you bitch, but at least she'll be upstairs so she can't brawl him and Twix will run up cos she will be scared so that'll distract you gal] Janis: [like if we heard brawling ourselves we would come down but I'd like to hope you're keeping it to shouting rn, have some shame dickhead, just look after this baby dog] Jimmy: [I would hope he is just shouting because he's that dickhead that wants to appear like he's not one and like what's to stop Janis telling literally everyone including her social worker nan so] Janis: [right, even if you think she's trash, I don't think you're being that dumb with it ever] Jimmy: [shamelessly just gonna bring the bae tea and biscuits as if that didn't happen] Janis: [trying not to be like !!! but we're also not gonna pretend as hard, patting the bed like come here] Jimmy: [obvs we do and do a feelsy lean when we're there cos we both need it] Janis: ['really wants Lucas to like him' because we know there's fuck all we can actually say to be of use, but we're tucking him back in and cuddling him] Jimmy: [a little lol because 1. funny 2. not what we expected her to say 3. relief that she hasn't said something that'll make it awks and that Ian didn't kick off any harder/try and kick her out] Janis: [equally small smile 'cos we love to see it but we do not love the rest of this situation so we're not buzzing obviously] Jimmy: [draw it bigger with our fingertip because we've remembered our 😁 challenge] Janis: [write LOL on him like okay, whilst we're here let's sort that out] Jimmy: [do some !! on her like epic lols please] Janis: [go to tickle him like it can be arranged] Jimmy: [obvs tickling her back like excuse you it's meant to be you doing it] Janis: [we are loling but still trying to tickle him and get him too] Jimmy: [never far from a playfight which I love for you and also I imagine that Twix is probably still around so joining in] Janis: [don't bark gal or do because we don't care about you Ian but bit rude to Cass, just pinning him and being like 'my offer still stands' which like, explain yourself but we're not lol] Jimmy: [also don't spill that tea or crush those biscuits/ let Twix get either of them while you're living your best life, obvs giving her a look like ?] Janis: [my boo always so concerned about the tea situation, runs a finger along his throat and looks meaningfully at the door like you know who] Jimmy: [I am and I'm not soz boo, but jimothy meanwhile is gonna just give you a lovebite/go over an existing one on your throat gal like I'd rather just kill you thank you] Janis: [doing the opposite of complaining about it] Jimmy: [taking the encouragement and going harder as a result of it duh] Janis: [when you can't breathe casually, pulling him closer into us 'please'] Jimmy: [kick that dog out so she doesn't cockblock you soz Twix, casually looks like you're like nope and leaving] Janis: [Twix is probably 🥺 but we definitely are x2 🥺🥺] Jimmy: [don't worry we're running back immediately to kiss you INTENSELY] Janis: [getting in his lap, duh, and looking at him for ages 'lovely' like yes, I was correct] Jimmy: [putting his finger on her nose like he's pointing at her cos no you] Janis: [grabbing the finger and then we're holding both his hands 'how am I going to make you happy?'] Jimmy: ['you already have done' because true that we've already forgotten about Ian's bullshit lbr cos we're in love] Janis: ['I could do better' 'you deserve better'] Jimmy: ['you just wanna take the challenge off me' because we can't even deal with our emotions over her saying that] Janis: ['I just wanna-' and kissing him again like let me show you] Jimmy: [a very enthusiastic response in all the ways possible because same] Janis: [have your moment kiddos, cannot express how much she's calling him baby] Jimmy: [cannot overstate how into that he is and will forever be] Janis: [being a perfect combo of intense but soft rn] Jimmy: [Cass gonna wish she was deaf too, first Ian shouting and now this lol] Janis: [thank god for headphones gal soz still not gonna be our fan for a while lol] Jimmy: [she's really not cos already had to dump Bobby on her when we had work then had to find Janis and now all this is shamelessly going on, soz gal] Janis: [it's fine, we'd hate us too in your position and we will win you 'round in the end] Jimmy: [I'm sure Jimothy will also do something to make it up to you cos he's just that bitch even though he's fuming at you for not walking Twix ever] Janis: [lowkey don't deserve it but you lucky gal and not shading you too hard] Jimmy: [we all know you're strugging rn gal it's okay] Janis: [not helping your brother but this isn't meant to be your job any more than it's meant to be his] Jimmy: [and we'll let you get your bf and friends soon and then you can walk Twix together] Janis: [and you'll be happy, despite the fact you go back up north, that's your business hen] Jimmy: [what if he sends her a valentine and that's what starts this lil otp] Janis: [that would be very cute do it] Jimmy: [like idk if he goes to your school or if he's putting in through your door or if he even signs it but we know bitch] Janis: [we should be nice and say he goes to your school so you have company but it should be a ? 'cos that's cute, I've only ever got one of those and it was from nannie haha] Jimmy: [I've derailed us but yeah that felt like a nice thing to happen amidst all the drama] Janis: [hohaha you'd be so embarrassed gal, be nice Jimothy aka shamelessly tease her] Jimmy: [simply must] Janis: [but yes, we're probably good for tonight unless you really wanna 'round 2 Ian] Jimmy: [do you wanna do the am?] Janis: [sure ting honey, it's a tuesday, so you'll be having to get Bobby ready for school and Ian will be gone so that's good] Jimmy: [leaving the bae in bed while we do our big brother duties but we will be bringing you breakfast gal you know it] Janis: 👋😪 Janis: you want any help? Jimmy: did I teach you the signs for hurry the fuck up? Janis: 🤔 Janis: [clip of her doing the thing where you gesture towards yourself frantically like LETS GO] Janis: ? Jimmy: that'd do Janis: does he know I'm here? Jimmy: he'd have come to ask you loads of questions about his missus if he did Janis: 💔 ouch Jimmy: if you fancy jumping out at him, the 🐕'll give you a hand knocking him about and getting his attention Janis: I'm not that offended Janis: be a bit rude Janis: plus if your sister knows I'm here, she definitely wants to see me even less Jimmy: but I might want to Jimmy: bit rude of you not to think about that Janis: Please Janis: I think about you ALL the time Janis: and you've seen a lot of me lately Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: me and the 🐕 are having a 💔💪🏆 Janis: she's FUMING at me Janis: I went to the bathroom and she was giving me 🔪🔪👀 Jimmy: the 🐕 or my sister? Janis: 🐕 Janis: your fault Janis: haven't you noticed her 😤 😠 😡 🤬 Jimmy: Oi, nowt to do with me, I never said you went to the park without her Janis: you kicked her out Janis: I remember Janis: also she was scrapping at the door Jimmy: not my fault you never said that were a kink of yours Jimmy: should've if you wanted her kept in Janis: shut up Janis: I said she was mad, not me Jimmy: she'll get over it once I sort her breakfast out Jimmy: what do you want? Janis: for 🥞🧇🥓🍳 or in life in general Jimmy: obvs to eat, dickhead Jimmy: but if there's owt else I can do an' all, go on Janis: cheek that you don't wanna know all about my ambitions and dreams in the morning Janis: @ the gals with that relatable content Jimmy: I LITERALLY just said tell me so that's bollocks Janis: woe is me 😉 can't hear you over all my 😭 Jimmy: poor baby Janis: are you going to school today? Jimmy: are you? Janis: haven't got my uniform Jimmy: you can borrow my spare if that's the only thing putting you off Janis: school is always off-putting Janis: but didn't know if you were gonna go in to shut him up Jimmy: if it were that piss easy I might do Janis: yeah Janis: I'll come in, if you are Janis: I usually have mine in my bag but I left that at home when I went out last night, for some reason Jimmy: probably weren't planning on going, we still don't have to Janis: what do you want to do? Jimmy: if we don't go? Janis: well I meant are we going or not Janis: but go on Jimmy: whatever is the most #ultimategoals bollocks we can think of, duh Janis: do you reckon any of them have heard of bed peace Janis: 😴😴😴 Jimmy: will have once I'm done 📷🥇 Janis: you're gonna koala onto the side of me? Janis: you're basically scouse, yeah 😏 Jimmy: unless you fancy making another fort downstairs, been ages since the last one Janis: just say you want to babe Janis: I'll get started whilst you're taking him in Jimmy: only thinking of you 🦒 Janis: it's a bit of a squeeze Janis: stretched out rn though Jimmy: very subtle Jimmy: I won't hurry back Janis: 🥺🥺 Janis: fine Jimmy: make up your mind, girl Janis: you know what I want Janis: read my mind, boy Jimmy: I miss you an' all Janis: compared to the school run, I'm a delight, obvs Jimmy: but hang on, some of them yummy mummies really dress up so you've got a bit of competition Janis: you have fun with that then Jimmy: 🤞😁🤞 OBVS Janis: you're gross Janis: and I'm going back to bed Jimmy: actual 🤞 you don't 🤮 in my 🗑 Janis: I ain't even hungover Jimmy: 'cause I came and got you before you could get too off your head Janis: you act like you've never done it Jimmy: never said that Janis: What, then? Jimmy: nowt 🤐 Janis: why'd you come though Jimmy: what kind of question is that? Janis: why can't I ask? Jimmy: what's it matter? it's done now Janis: alright Jimmy: there's 🗨 you can read before I did Janis: that would require reading my own 🗨 Janis: I'd rather leave it 🤐 Jimmy: alright Janis: 👍 Janis: I'll take the dog out Jimmy: what happened to going back to 😴? Janis: I'm not sleepy Jimmy: tah then Janis: no worries Jimmy: 👍 Janis: it doesn't need to be weird Jimmy: what? Janis: ➡️ ⬅️ ⬆️ ⬇️ ↗️ ↘️ ↙️ ↖️ Janis: this Jimmy: you're the one calling it weird to say it don't need to be Janis: I'm just saying I don't wanna start up the whole thing again, that's all Jimmy: that's alright by me Janis: okay Janis: ignore me Jimmy: I don't want to ignore you Janis: okay, don't, but I mean Janis: I'm not trying to be a dick Jimmy: I'll give you a 🏆 if you manage it Jimmy: 😏 Janis: fair but fuck off 😂 Janis: not going for 😇 fake gf Jimmy: what you going for? Janis: 😈 DUH Jimmy: you can have that 🏆 Janis: I'd fight you if you disagreed on that Jimmy: no need as it's fake Jimmy: I'll agree to owt as long as it's on brand Janis: that ain't fake Jimmy: last night it were Jimmy: SO nice you 😇🏆🥇 Janis: that was mate stuff Janis: not fake gf Jimmy: let's just be mates today then Jimmy: I'm 🥱😴 if you're not Janis: subtle way to say just be nice to me all day Janis: but alright Jimmy: I'll do it back, not that much of a dickhead Janis: doesn't sound terrible Jimmy: 🤝? Janis: 🤝 Janis: and I could sleep, so don't need to worry about me creepily watching you and/or stealing all your shit whilst you 🥱😴 Jimmy: I ain't Jimmy: you've had loads of chances to do both before now Janis: gain your trust first, not an amateur Jimmy: and what, you reckon you have? Janis: yep Janis: like you said, could've easily done both by now Jimmy: 👌 Janis: oi, are you saying I haven't? Jimmy: I said I weren't bothered about you thieving or 👀 at us 😴 Jimmy: don't mean I trust you, mate, just that I've got nowt worth nicking and don't reckon I'm 🎨 Janis: Psh, that's a blatant lie Jimmy: which bit? Janis: not reckoning you're 🎨 Janis: you and your massive head Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I'd be my own muse Janis: selfies aren't #art Janis: that's the truth, pretentious hipster Jimmy: take one and watch the fans disagree Janis: you do the same Janis: you know what you look like Jimmy: [obviously does because no fucks given ever] Jimmy: there you go then Janis: see Janis: you're Janis: your DMs will 💥 'cos I'm not in it Jimmy: have to take loads with you in Jimmy: good job you're not hungover Janis: I've not seen myself yet Janis: could be 👹 Jimmy: 📷 Jimmy: it's your go Janis: [a bed selfie where you clearly look good 'cos when do you not, bitches be mad] Janis: demanding, you Jimmy: if I were next to you there I would be Janis: 😳 Janis: rude to say that and not be Jimmy: I thought it'd be ruder not to 🗨 soz Jimmy: taking our 🤝 dead serious, me Janis: speechless is a bit far Jimmy: Dunno you might reckon the nicest thing I can do is shut up Janis: nah Janis: I've told you loads I don't mind it Janis: your 🗨 Jimmy: [a voice memo that's full of compliments about that selfie because of course] Janis: I already missed you Janis: you had to make me admit it, didn't you Jimmy: weren't why but I'm not fuming that you feel the same as me Janis: you shouldn't be allowed out of this bed Janis: s'what I reckon Jimmy: we can stay there long as you want Janis: ⛓😍 Jimmy: be like Lucas is about Jimmy: no need to go to english Janis: yeah, smart to mouth off to your captor Janis: think on Jimmy: #thickandnorthern Jimmy: you have been warned before Janis: damn, I thought you said thicc Janis: misled Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 for you Janis: yeah, pretty gutted Janis: you'll do for now Jimmy: til you @ some fatter northern dickhead Janis: have to change my tinder location Jimmy: not much of a #kink since you ain't even offered to make me owt for breakfast Janis: those are perks you've not even fake unlocked Jimmy: or answered what you want Janis: surprise me Janis: I'll get you something on the way back with the dog Jimmy: already outted yourself as not a real feeder, no need to follow through on it Janis: you don't like surprises...? Jimmy: you heard that I don't trust you Janis: it's breakfast Jimmy: it were you who asked the question Janis: alright Janis: your loss Jimmy: I do like surprises from you, the 🎄🎁 were good Janis: You ain't bad either Janis: no 🎅 shithead Jimmy: 💕 Janis: dunno how I'm gonna top it Jimmy: got ages before you have to Jimmy: not expecting THAT 🥇 of a breakfast, like Janis: wait and 👀 boy Janis: 💪🏆 Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: I get it, you want me to have to compete with whatever 🍳🍞☕️🥞🧇🥓 I'm knocking up for you Janis: How else will you learn, babe? Janis: or maybe I just wanna do something nice, dickhead Jimmy: what's 🐕🏃 if not that? Janis: nothing new Janis: feel like that's all I friggin do Jimmy: who 🗨 it had to be something new? Jimmy: not 🥱😴 of you Janis: **because I keep you on your toes Jimmy: you're still about, that's all I want Janis: tah Janis: proximity is your biggest selling point as well Jimmy: 👏 @iantaylor8 for pissing about in this shithole instead of the one he was born in Janis: I'll @ my grandparents whilst I'm at it Jimmy: I meant you being at my 🏠 still but alright Jimmy: if they wanna take a bit of credit for that, you did say you didn't wanna go there Janis: already rude you have to split it 50/50 with your dad so Janis: not technically their fault, even if they'd hardly be happy I got pissed on a school day Jimmy: bit rude you didn't save me any tbh Jimmy: but not a surprise so I can't be fuming about it Janis: weren't my alcohol Janis: you could've hoe'd for it like the rest of us Jimmy: read the room a bit and they weren't chuffed to see me 💔🎻 Janis: awh babes Janis: 😞😘 Jimmy: your fault that you were, could've toned it down 🤏 and let me have some mates Janis: excuse me, you weren't hanging about to chat neither Jimmy: convenient that, you chucking the blame back over here Janis: you could've chucked me back if you were actually arsed Jimmy: might've been a good shout but I had a look and none of 'em were as fit as you Janis: now THAT'S a compliment Jimmy: take it then Janis: How can I? Janis: so overwhelmed you fancy me more than a bunch of greasy 16 year olds in tracksuits Jimmy: you're in the right place to have a lie down, you'll be alright Janis: OBVIOUSLY I prefer to swoon directly into your arms but Janis: have to do Janis: long as you reckon I'm dead when you get back and top yourself Janis: 😩🤤 Jimmy: Bill wouldn't have owt else Jimmy: trying to get this ☕☠ as we 🗨 him Janis: he's so thoughtful Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [bring her whatever adorable breakfast you've made before she gets out of bed because we know what this gal is like] Janis: [shamelessly giving you a massive smooch like you're gonna be gone forever] Jimmy: [it will feel like forever and we all know it, also shamelessly doing a little photoshoot so his dms don't blow up and obvs no other reason like she's the cutest ever] Janis: [so domestic, so cute] Jimmy: [the effort to tear himself away I lol you'll be right back sir] Janis: [and we all know you're not going to school so like, you have all day kids, god bless] Jimmy: [too in love] Janis: [bet Mia will make one of the gals dob you in] Jimmy: [she blatantly will, that snitch] Janis: [like get over it henny, why have you got nothing better on] Jimmy: [your jealousy and bitterness is simply not bringing us down rn hun] Janis: [we're already in trouble and don't care so like, what do you think you're achieving] Jimmy: [you're just annoying Grace even more than you already do gal, sadly she has not yet yeeted and we will have to endure the notp of her and Harry] Jimmy: [jimothy meanwhile is living his best life sending the bae pisstakey pics of these mums on the school run] Janis: ugh, put your tongue away Jimmy: @ the 🐕 Jimmy: nowt but 😎🖍 here Janis: well that was SO 🤓 so Janis: speak for yourself, not him Janis: dragging down his playground cred Jimmy: alright 😒🌧 then Janis: you'll get all the single mums that ain't learnt their lesson after you then Janis: sensible ones trying to tempt away the nice male teacher or one of the active dads Jimmy: #ultimatekinkunlocked Jimmy: Asia's mum Janis: She would Janis: you should, at least make Asia fuming Jimmy: see if I can convince her to 🔒 our kid's BFF in a cupboard or some bollocks an' all Jimmy: send her off to wherever the fuck she's named after Janis: must look up to the 💀💀s more that one Jimmy: must take after Asia with her 🧠 AND 🦷🦷 Janis: Poor little fuckers Jimmy: should have the full orchestra hanging about on this school run Janis: right? Janis: it's well depressing Jimmy: 💔 you ain't trained the 🐕 to take him to school for us Janis: soz she still needs a babysitter herself, like Janis: she'll be out of the puppy stage soon-ish and less of a handful but Nana is still a bit of a 💭 Jimmy: convenient excuses them, Janet Janis: 😒 Jimmy: *😏 Janis: I thought you were trained better than this, tbh Jimmy: said as you're having breakfast in bed Janis: you're saying I should be telling you how grateful I am rn? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: Hmm Jimmy: wind your 🦒 neck in Jimmy: I'm being nice Janis: Charming as ever 😂 Jimmy: [writes some v charming and extra post like there you go] Janis: it's gross yet impressive how fast you can turn it on Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: 💪🏆 Janis: post about how fast you can turn it on would seem a bit cheap rn Janis: I'll be more 💕 too I GUESS Janis: [post it bitch] Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: now give me what the 1st draft were Janis: [something way more 🔥] Jimmy: you been holding out on me this whole time or what? Janis: can't distract you from your duties/milf hunting Jimmy: you've just proved you can Janis: alright, shouldn't Jimmy: why? Janis: because you're having SUCH a good time already Janis: what kind of mate? Jimmy: a TOP one, duh Janis: you haven't been that nice Janis: 💔 Jimmy: how have I not? Janis: aforementioned milfs Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: Baby Jimmy: I'm sending those pisstaking 📷 of them but I'm looking at the ones of you Janis: Jealousy isn't cute, I get it Jimmy: whatever you do is cute, every dickhead gets that Janis: you're not every dickhead Janis: and I'm not that bitch Jimmy: and the kind of dickhead I am is alright with who you are Janis: ew Janis: 🤫🤫🤫 Jimmy: Oi Janis: we don't do mushy Jimmy: calm yourself down, I'll chuck a pillow at you in a bit or some bollocks Janis: I'll start an argument if you like Jimmy: has been AGES since the last one Janis: 👍 Janis: so much fun Jimmy: for Bill, I'd be chuffed to leave it out with the #drama Janis: unlucky Jimmy: for you, not being able to compete with Ian when it comes to having a strop Jimmy: I'll live Janis: fuck off Jimmy: this you starting the 🥊? Janis: you'd know if it was Janis: so no Jimmy: 👍 Janis: let's not Janis: I can't be arsed to go into school Jimmy: you know I don't wanna fight with you Janis: then we're not Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: I'm capable Jimmy: never said you weren't Janis: you don't need to when you keep calling me stroppy like I'm Libi's fucking age Jimmy: I'm only pissing about Jimmy: call me what you like Janis: not feeling the 🤤 now soz Jimmy: 💔 Janis: isn't it just Janis: me and the 🐕 are out, if you rush, the bed will still be warm-ish Jimmy: 🏃 Jimmy: how much food she nick off you? Janis: erm she had to wait patiently until I was done Jimmy: alright, bighead Janis: can't help being dominant Jimmy: send tweet Jimmy: I'll get one of the 🎻 to play for you Janis: for you Janis: 🥈 Jimmy: piss off Janis: 😏 Janis: ask Lucas, under me is EXACTLY where you wanna be, dickhead Jimmy: I'll @ him while I'm waiting for you Janis: better than the milfs Janis: he can't come 'round and seduce you Janis: #doubleenglishfirstperiod Jimmy: have to use his words Janis: if that's a hint Jimmy: for him that he can't half arse this just 'cause he's got one of Bill's classics to teach Janis: good luck Janis: he's way more touchy feely, despite the job title Jimmy: tah babe 😘 Janis: what's your angle Janis: besides being 2nd choice to me Jimmy: don't need one Jimmy: it's just that REAL between us, obvs Janis: 👌 Janis: what a nice change Jimmy: gotta have something to do when you're pissing about with this 🐕 Janis: thought you were 🥱😴? Jimmy: thought you promised me breakfast Janis: You can't nap and leave me to it? Janis: got loads of fantasies to be cracking on with, nothing else Jimmy: too excited, me Jimmy: you proper talked up how 🥇 it were gonna be a bit ago Janis: ✊💦 help you finish Janis: what a morning you're having Jimmy: don't keep you about for nowt Janis: aside from the fact I allegedly wouldn't go home Jimmy: it weren't like I were gonna make you Jimmy: or wanted to Janis: cheers Janis: if I was gonna argue with anyone Janis: better be you Janis: sorry Jimmy: we called a truce, you weren't allowed Janis: right Janis: be a bit rude to Jimmy: and you've got nowt to be sorry for Janis: I remember what we actually did Janis: so I know Jimmy: no hangover, not even that much of a pisshead in the first place, yeah I heard Janis: okay Janis: I know I was a bit Janis: not the end of the world Jimmy: not having a go Janis: thank god Jimmy: meant what I said Janis: what part? Jimmy: all of them Janis: nice and specific Janis: but okay Jimmy: alright, specifically not being a massive dickhead to you Jimmy: today at least Janis: don't worry Janis: you're never that bad Janis: not 🥇 anyway Jimmy: that's bollocks but sounds like 🥊🗨 an' all so I'll leave it out Janis: you reckon you're Ian levels of 🤬? Janis: nah Jimmy: there'd be a massive scale between him and me Jimmy: don't mean I weren't a twat to you before Janis: well you are a dickhead, don't need to apologize for who you are, like Janis: you're my mate, yeah Jimmy: your best mate, keep having to tell you Janis: I've still got the necklace Jimmy: be a bit rude if you'd chucked it Janis: don't just wear it when you're about Jimmy: don't just use my lighter when you are Janis: Your habit is pretty extensive Jimmy: 🚬's dead addictive, you not heard? Janis: 😱 Janis: and you let me have some Janis: wow Jimmy: not your daddy Jimmy: and it's a bit late for your growth to get stunted, Judith Janis: you're trying to make yourself feel tall Janis: that makes sense, Tom Jimmy: if I were bothered I'd chuck on a pair of 👠 Janis: or take a saw to mine Jimmy: I'll try not to go as far as fucking up your ankle again Jimmy: right ball ache that were Janis: why are you lying kathy Jimmy: Dunno what you mean Jimmy: ain't a 🪓 under this pillow or owt Jimmy: just me and my ⛓ how you're used to Janis: I'll come back then Janis: if you're promising no surprises Jimmy: [a pic of him snuggled in bed like see there's no danger] Janis: you're cute Jimmy: you Janis: I've got the evidence right in front of me so Jimmy: me an' all Jimmy: 👀📷 Janis: I'd take better ones but there's nothing very sexy about freezing my nips off Janis: you can, when I'm back Jimmy: warm you up a bit first Janis: you will Jimmy: can easily promise that Janis: It's not easy though Janis: you're just good Jimmy: never been a hard job, can't take all the credit for that Jimmy: 🤏 you an' all Jimmy: probably have to share the 🏆 at least Janis: alright Janis: we can drink from it Janis: toast to how easy it is Jimmy: long as Bill's 👻 don't try and take over like the proud dad he is Janis: ☠ later Jimmy: he'll have to wait til after I've 💀💀💀 you loads of other ways Janis: you first in that respect Janis: always Jimmy: them lads from that estate'll still be fuming about it Jimmy: swings'll be 🔥 Janis: was never gonna get drunk enough to do shit with them 🤷 Jimmy: not enough drinks in whatever shop they robbed for you to wanna bother, I get it Janis: obviously Janis: not the only girl to ever fuck them over like that, they'll survive Janis: least they can't accuse me of being frigid without sounding stupid now Jimmy: if anyone's still calling you that it'll be me that's fuming Jimmy: what more have I gotta do, like? Janis: 🍆📹 they wish Jimmy: come here then Janis: 😏 Jimmy: *🏃 Janis: I get it, you need both hands free Jimmy: dunno what's ruder, that you're not well trained enough to leg it to me when I click my fingers or that you reckon I don't already have a tripod set up Janis: right, you're a PROFESSIONAL pervert Janis: excuse me Jimmy: get it right Janis: get yourself to church Jimmy: hang on, I'll @ your shit nan, see if she can pick me up Janis: I'll stop 🏃 then Jimmy: or just 🏃 faster Janis: you think I want to fight my nan again Jimmy: didn't know it were a habit Janis: oh Janis: yeah, obvs Jimmy: alright, if it stops you trying to 🥊 with me Janis: bit selfish but Janis: 👌 Jimmy: never said I weren't Janis: I definitely am so not gonna say nothing Jimmy: already said I like you, not gonna risk 🗨 it again after how that went Janis: no accounting for taste Jimmy: 💔🎻 Jimmy: got time to dry my eyes before you get back Janis: just about Janis: but I know you, so don't worry too much Jimmy: Oi Janis: I like you too Jimmy: that's alright then Jimmy: no need to chuck you out Janis: you promised you'd warm me up first Jimmy: 'course I will Jimmy: not an utter bastard Janis: I know Janis: fuck knows why I like you Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: Bill's gonna do you a list, look less bigheaded coming from him Janis: 🤏 Janis: [come back now] Jimmy: [show her why she likes you with the most extra and enthusiastic welcome ever] Janis: [thank god everyone has gone so we can do what we like, even Twix be having her breakfast rn] Jimmy: [the actual freedom because that's never a thing for him] Janis: [true, when he's here the kids always are, live your best life honeys, not that you were being considerate last night but you know lol] Jimmy: [the feelings just keep getting higher, they can't be blamed or tamed, 100000000% gonna get in the shower together later and run up Ian's water bill too not soz] Janis: [hohaha you know he's the type to be fuming so we gotta] Jimmy: [he's gonna be so fuming when Janis leaves because you've skipped school again as well, not looking forward to that but for now, I'm buzzing for you both] Janis: [no, we're all worried about that, lowkey trying to never leave again but we know we have to soon, just like 🥺] Jimmy: [it's not gonna be nice, fuck you Ian, thank god things are going well for jj rn so if he kicks jimothy out in the cold or something post brawl at least we have the bae] Janis: [subtly moves self in so Ian can never kick off again, we know that that is eventually what's gonna happen but sadly not yet] Jimmy: [can't wait for that] Janis: [lowkey take over your house because what you gon do sir, look after your children? unlikely] Jimmy: [or out yourself as an actual utter bastard by kicking off, even more unlikely] Janis: [like you can be salty but if you even asked for rent or whatever to try and get her out she'd just pay it so soz] Jimmy: [so glad Janis has worked out what Ian is really like because it'd seem like he was making it up/ it wasn't as bad if she hadn't] Janis: [the injuries don't lie, and if he'd got them from scrapping or whatever he would've just said 'cos it's much less shameful so we know] Jimmy: [and soz but who would this soft boy be fighting you're not a massive slag giving him grief like his ex] Janis: [exactly, we already know he ain't that boy either so like, pretend all you like Ian, we see you] Jimmy: [not soz he's not actually Liam 2.0 and a mad lad] Janis: [you'll see eventually fam, anywhosers, do we wanna do any of their day or skip to when she's gotta think about leaving] Jimmy: [we can probably skip because we know the vibe when they're together] Janis: [when are you gonna think you've gotta leave hmm] Jimmy: [and am I making you go to work after school or not hmm] Janis: [that would make sense, if you go to work and you leave] Jimmy: [let's do that then why not] Jimmy: [probably go pick Bobby up from school first and maybe take him and Twix to the park or something for a bit because Cass gonna mad at you after last night so] Janis: [yeah, we can give you that time, he's primary so he probably gets out pretty early] Jimmy: you wanna come with me? Jimmy: do some ☕🎨 Janis: tempting offer, boy Janis: I DO need to perfect the 💕 for the BIG day Jimmy: for the fans who ain't 😎 enough for the smoke rings I taught you Janis: all of them? Jimmy: SHOOK that you've forgotten the dickheads who vape Jimmy: good to know you ain't getting me one of them for the BIG day Janis: I bet they have flavours that are well appropriate though Janis: all 🍓🍧🍨🧁🍭🍬🍫 Jimmy: gimme 👼🏽🩸 and 🥀 or I don't want it 💔 Janis: That's why you've invited me Janis: 🤞 I fuck up that bad Janis: who's first aid? Jimmy: Pete 😍🤤 Jimmy: had loads of 🩺 fantasies obvs Janis: UGH Janis: what can't he do Jimmy: NOWT Jimmy: 💪🏆🩹💕 Jimmy: need a 🤕 that looks chuffed to bits Janis: 🥴 with a bandage, deffo Janis: cannot wait for my third degree burns now Jimmy: they'll probably be about though Jimmy: 💀👑 and that Jimmy: so you'll have to fake that your 😍🤤 is @ me til they've pissed off Janis: oh, duh Janis: caffeine so needed after a long day of bitching about everyone Janis: I reckon I'll manage Jimmy: haven't had their IRL 👀 on us all day Jimmy: 💔🎻😭 Janis: You need the audience, yeah? Jimmy: they need the updates Jimmy: nowt to do with me Janis: hmm Janis: alright, hate to disappoint 'em, obvs Jimmy: make it worth your ⏲ with 🥪🍪🧁 if their 👀🔪🔪 don't Janis: just don't make yourself sick of me Jimmy: bit rude to be taking the piss out of my stamina Janis: you're rude Jimmy: how am I? Jimmy: been 🥇😇 all day Janis: exactly Jimmy: I just Jimmy: don't want you to 👋 yet Janis: Me either Janis: I'm coming Jimmy: okay Janis: I just feel a bit Janis: the hangover might've caught up with me Janis: easy on the 🍪🧁 Jimmy: I'll knock you up a smoothie Janis: so behind my 💪🏆 Jimmy: DUH Jimmy: you can sit in the back again an' all if you want Janis: that's okay Janis: gotta have all 👀s on us to make it count Jimmy: nowt makes 'em more fuming than what they can't 👀 all I'm 🗨 Jimmy: you don't need to worry about chucking them the 🍿 if you don't feel alright Janis: should teach them to lip read Janis: but don't Janis: I'm okay, honest Jimmy: [teaching her how to sign stuff for if she doesn't feel well that won't be obvious to the flatwhites cos lord knows some sign language really is] Janis: [doing some you've remembered from a previous sesh like look, I've learnt] Jimmy: 🥇 Janis: 😏 I know, so impressive Janis: Libi makes me practice with her Jimmy: without me having to @ her an' all Jimmy: must be 💕 Janis: DUH Janis: don't be acting like you haven't had your 👂 signed off Jimmy: it's alright, he's deffo gonna outdo me with his 🎨 and 🎁s Jimmy: probably keep it going the whole 2 weeks, him Jimmy: CLEARLY mutual Janis: Your influence Jimmy: except I dunno what I'm gonna get you that won't make you start a scale for it from 🙄 to 🤮 Janis: you don't have to get ME fuck all Janis: you only have to 1 up the basic 🎁 every lad does Jimmy: you'll be stuck with it, might as well sort out something that's not a load of shite Janis: 👍 Janis: I'll hit Bobby up for tips Jimmy: too soon for a 💍? Jimmy: he'd say it ain't Janis: 😂 Janis: gonna have to keep an 👀 on him Jimmy: least he's only got 😍 for Libi and don't take after me in being a massive slag Jimmy: be proposing to his whole class Janis: be well pricey if he's not reusing Jimmy: have to break into one of them machines once the shop is out of the sweet ones Janis: hoeing was meant to bring in the 💰 not lose it Janis: 💔 Jimmy: not gonna say you should give him tips Jimmy: still don't wanna 🥊 tah Janis: Not gonna break no baby hearts, so you're safe for now Jimmy: now I know you're feeling 🤢 Janis: you're gonna have to later Jimmy: what for? Janis: 🥊 Janis: not me Jimmy: I thought you meant 💔👶 Jimmy: not in the job description but alright Janis: 'course not Janis: be a weird rule to have at any of 'em Janis: ☕ or 💕 Jimmy: piss easy though Janis: that's not up for debate Janis: taking the 🍭🍬 is well known Jimmy: *🍪🧁 Jimmy: off you and them Janis: so tough Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: I won't wanna go Janis: you promised you'd teach me how to do the thing Jimmy: UGH fine Janis: I'll make it worth your while Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: come on Janis: you know me Jimmy: and you know I'm only pissing about, Jules Jimmy: VERY impressive, you Jimmy: said it before Janis: I'll get you to say it again Janis: one way or another Jimmy: you can't just say that like it's nowt and we're just gonna go crack on with ☕🎨 Janis: why not? Jimmy: you know why not Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: you're so Janis: that's you Jimmy: you Janis: you did such a good job on your first job Janis: you deserve to have a good shift Jimmy: it weren't a job today Janis: true Jimmy: I'll call in sick if you want, my nursing kink ain't gone nowhere Janis: No, no Janis: we'll have a good time Jimmy: can't deny that Janis: you can but I'm gonna do my best Jimmy: you'd know I were faking if I tried to bother Janis: let's not Janis: even if they're there Janis: we can still work it Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: 🤝 Jimmy: it still won't feel like a job, however hard work 💀👑 and her mates are Janis: neither of us need it Janis: they'll see 😍 regardless 'cos they want to Jimmy: right Jimmy: we've done our 💕 posts Janis: and it's not like I'll be ignoring you Jimmy: or that I can ever ignore you Janis: they don't know the difference Jimmy: 🧠💀💀💀 Janis: and you do 💀💀 me Janis: really Jimmy: you're killing me now Janis: sorry Janis: IOU Jimmy: when you feel less hungover Janis: I don't feel hungover Janis: I just miss you and I'm gonna miss you Jimmy: no need to miss me now and if you do in a bit I'll do the balcony scene 🌹 Jimmy: gone further to come get you and I didn't get lost Janis: it was VERY impressive, baby Jimmy: do alright under pressure Jimmy: @ my manager Janis: I'll put it on the trip advisor review Jimmy: tah Janis: I'll keep it PG Janis: or at the very least be vague about which barista I'm fucking Jimmy: I get it, this were nowt but a plan to get Pete's girlfriend to piss off Janis: 🤫🤫 Janis: worked SO hard on this plan, you ain't fucking it up for me Jimmy: 🤐 for now but he'll get it out of me Janis: great, now I've got to have a threesome with you 🙄 Jimmy: need a different eye rolling emoji for that Jimmy: get a bit closer to your actual review Janis: don't you dare make me 😳 in front of him Jimmy: it ain't my fault you're 😳 whenever I'm about Janis: psh Janis: whichever way you look at it that's clearly bollocks Jimmy: you're 🗨 bollocks denying it, mate Janis: shut up Jimmy: make me Janis: you're on Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: sorted our kid out now, I can do you before we have to go Janis: 1. no you can't 2. don't add me to your to-do list Jimmy: 1. yeah I can 2. you're top of every list, don't be a dickhead Janis: I want you too much Jimmy: so come here Jimmy: there's loads I can do about that Janis: [do that] Jimmy: [I'm just like do we want these kids to ruin this for you or no cos clearly both around] Janis: [when we're gonna be so rude later we're like ahh have everything lol, you probably would get cocklblocked though being real] Jimmy: [hence I was conflicted because Ian is gonna be a huge cunt and hurt you boy but realism though] Janis: [you can have an enjoyable time at the CG before we make you say goodbye it's okay, like it's not but] Jimmy: [we're doing what we can lads, you're welcome] Jimmy: [we can totally skip to then now if you like] Janis: [skippity doo dah] Jimmy: [do we wanna do any of the CG stuff is the question or fully go to later] Janis: [we could just vibe out how the gals are 'cos we already said Mia and co are being extra like skipping school is so shocking, then skip to when they have to say goodbye 'cos it'll be emosh] Jimmy: [that's a fair shout I think because yeah we know that they'll be goals without trying so it's just how Mia's trying to be] Janis: ['cos soon she's gonna literally get him fired so clearly she's gonna be a cow] Jimmy: [making complaints like a Karen when he's literally done nothing wrong, we see you] Janis: [she should be like IS THAT GIRL TRAINED when he's letting Janis do some latte art, as if they're giving anyone the ones she's making, so then they have to stop] Jimmy: [that's so petty she would, like gal we weren't gonna serve it to you we're just having a nice time while there is a lull in customers step back] Janis: [seriously, excuse us tryna have fun, like we still will but clearly that's the vibe, any time they try to do something she's like UM] Jimmy: [yeah and any time he tries to go remotely near the bae's table she suddenly needs something as if he's the only barista here] Janis: Can she be our second victim? Janis: 🔪🔪 Jimmy: first Jimmy: no need to hang about Janis: I'll clearly poison her 'cos I dunno how to make a latte Janis: whoops Jimmy: could let you loose with the steam wand Janis: her face just looks like that Jimmy: exactly, can't be traced back to you Janis: I don't want Pete to give me his disappointed face when he has to give her a bandage and write it in the accident book though Janis: 😥 Jimmy: I'll say it were me, piss easy to get his forgiveness 😘 Janis: rude Jimmy: it's alright, I know how to get yours an' all Janis: you do not Jimmy: 😏 Janis: dickhead Janis: meant to be focused on the murder anyway, you've got well off topic Jimmy: Oi, well decent at 🤹 now, me Janis: you need to work on your 🏃 clearly Jimmy: get my 🐕 trained and then we'll 🗨 Janis: am I even qualified? Jimmy: Depends Jimmy: can you get 💀👑 to behave herself or what? Janis: could give it a go Janis: what's in it for me though Jimmy: other than getting to rub her noise in her 🤮 next time she pisses off to the 🚽 how dickheads do when their 🐕s piss, you mean? Jimmy: what else do you want? Janis: save on you cleaning it up, you mean Janis: but alright Janis: [go over to the gals table like they haven't been actively being bitchy like HEY BABES WHAT'S UP] Jimmy: [comes over too like is there anything else you need and just being subtly but not subtly touchy feely with the bae while you're there to annoy Mia like what are you gonna do bitch make a complaint cos I'm playing with her hair] Janis: [getting y'all a massive cake or muffin or whatever that you would never order yourselves like our treat!] Jimmy: [LOL I love that, Hollie will be buzzing] Janis: [finally some food, just force feeding you like what are you gonna do, say no and look weird? I think not] Jimmy: 👍 Janis: worth it for the 😨😰 Janis: just collateral the ones that eat occasionally are getting fed but I'll cope Jimmy: do you want owt or have they made you lose your appetite? Jimmy: tell me so I can fake that I 🧠📖 Janis: I'll take a smoothie Janis: bonus points that I can brag about how talented you are or whatever Jimmy: and she can have a go that I ignored a load of dickheads to get it done for you Jimmy: they must be 👻s an' all Janis: since when was 💕a crime, Mia Janis: must've been dumped Jimmy: when I'm 45 and undercover 👮🚔 but that's our secret so Janis: She'd be far too into you then Janis: no escape Jimmy: [IRL 🤫 cos he looks hot doing it and then it looks like they are being saucy with their convo lol] Janis: [🤭 energy back but not exactly that obviously] Jimmy: [😏😍 energy that is not fake because I 100% assume she's wearing his clothes rn cos not been home and looking cute af] Jimmy: [definitely giving as many LOOKs as we can while we make this smoothie] Janis: [she definitely is so that's adorable and we never need to fake this energy lbr] Jimmy: [you've never had to fake much of anything we know and that's why this works] Janis: [mhmm, faking an interest in y'alls convo however? very much so] Janis: please tell me you're due a 🚬 soon Jimmy: manager ain't about to stop me Jimmy: bit busy with his 👂🩸 from all her whinging probably Janis: definitely better not go out back as it's staff only Jimmy: What?! 😱 you DON'T work here? Jimmy: top ☕🎨 like that! Janis: I know right?! Janis: #hiremegreg Jimmy: [writes her a review as if she do work here] Janis: pretty generous Jimmy: [shows her some pics of his early latte art like look how shit I was] Janis: awh, baby's first ☕🎨 Janis: only got a few years before your brother comes for this gig too Jimmy: 🤞 they'll have heard of coffee in the north by then Jimmy: he'll be 💔😭😭 else Janis: 😏 Janis: you're not emmerdale northern, I remember, can't fool me Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: real 🤞 he's stopped copying me ages before that Janis: you'll lose your ✨ Jimmy: ⏲ Jimmy: [give her this smoothie with today's 🎨 on the napkin and a kiss on the cheek] Janis: [insta that in front of the gals, obvs, just showing you all how cute we are] Janis: 🤞 I don't forget and wipe my face with that Jimmy: 🤞 I've got my 📷 out when you do Janis: I won't Janis: 🐘 memory Jimmy: 💔 you'd look well shakespearian with a pen beard Jimmy: Bill's gonna roll in his ⚰ at the missed chance Janis: I don't need to think about him that excited, tbh Jimmy: 👻🎻 Janis: you're the slag, you deal with it Jimmy: alright Jimmy: leave you with whatever you wanna 💭 about instead Janis: but Jimmy: ? Janis: what happened to our break? Jimmy: nowt, ready when you are Janis: [run away because we are over this girly chat like let's go] Jimmy: [you lasted longer than I would gal hence Jimothy will light you a 🚬 cos deserved] Janis: [you can dramatically breathe out like PHEW] Jimmy: [do your own because we all know what you're thinking about but we can pretend it's either a pisstake of hers or in solidarity] Janis: [reaching out to squeeze the hand that isn't holding his cigarette] Jimmy: [writing an o and a k on the back of hers but not establishing whether we're saying we are or asking if she is] Janis: [kissing the back of his] Jimmy: [kissing her dramatically because he cannot handle the softness rn] Janis: [we can go with that too] Jimmy: [just have a moment lads that's deserved too] Janis: [going in 'cos our emotions] Jimmy: [likewise because it's not like you care about all the people going past or that can see you inside] Janis: [keep going to say 'we-' and 'you-' like many times but never actually finishing either sentence 'cos you know he can't] Jimmy: [and don't talk to me about how tightly he's holding onto her because never mind this break not being long enough, this whole shift isn't and the goodbye and how evil I'm gonna be is looming over us] Janis: [gonna need someone to come through and break yous up we all know it] Jimmy: [thank god there's lots of possibilities for that cos of where you are] Janis: [someone else just tryna have their break lol] Jimmy: [soz but not] Janis: [truly] Janis: I'll brb Jimmy: Where you going? Janis: just need to get some stuff Jimmy: 🔪🪓🔧🔨🧱🧨🛢 I get it Janis: exactly Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: they should fuck off now 🤞 Jimmy: *🤞😁🤞 Janis: I'll do that whole way down the street, like Jimmy: 📷 it for us Jimmy: nowt else would do to make me 😁😁😁 Janis: ugh Janis: now I have to Jimmy: if you want a 🏆 or IOU Janis: [obviously we are] Jimmy: [have a lil reaction vid back as if we're not literally meant to be working because we're a nerd and in love] Janis: there we go Janis: all worth it now Janis: even though I looked like tiktok tammy Jimmy: 🦍🌃 Jimmy: you could NEVER Janis: compliment or diss? Jimmy: What kind of question is that? Janis: dunno Janis: 'cos if you're saying I can't dance like I'm having a seizure that's a lie Jimmy: you're gonna have to prove that now, you get that, yeah? Jimmy: walked right into making yourself look a twat Janis: you ask for any more 📷 and it's just gonna be weird Jimmy: alright, if you'd rather do it here in front of dickheads buying ☕ crack on Jimmy: I'll wait Janis: what about me doesn't scream 'loves an audience' Jimmy: what about me makes you reckon I'll be up for being your fake boyfriend after any of that bollocks? Jimmy: far as plans to dump me go Janis: you're the one asking me to do it, dickhead Janis: can't reverse psychology your way into getting to be the one doing the dumping Jimmy: you set yourself up, dickhead, nowt to do with me Janis: you could let it slide Janis: you already know I can dance Jimmy: I could Jimmy: you have got that IOU Janis: not what I'd use it for in an ideal world but Jimmy: might let you keep it and let it go an' all if I like the sound of what you would use it for Jimmy: am in a VERY 😁 mood now Janis: that'd be telling Janis: can't risk that 😁 Jimmy: go on Jimmy: you said it were in an ideal world, nowt but 😁 there Janis: but that ain't where any of us is Janis: so no point Jimmy: 🥺🥺🥺 Janis: yeah Janis: you weren't meant to stop 😁 Jimmy: doing my customer service face, it's as near Janis: if you're an alien who's never seen a person before Jimmy: busted 💔 Janis: 👮=👽 checks out Jimmy: bit racist of you but I get it, the north does look like something out of a shite sci fi film Jimmy: all them fuming orange lasses with nowt on 🤞 for 👽 Janis: bit up yourself Janis: but won't disagree Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Janis: maybe you should go back Janis: first, like Jimmy: what for? Janis: so your dad has to relocate Jimmy: might just still be about big enough for the both of us Janis: it might work Janis: if you keep doing a runner Jimmy: don't see that happening with 👶👶🐕 Janis: he'd get fed up of looking after them, right Jimmy: not leaving them with him long enough to find out Janis: okay Jimmy: or trusting Ian to work out where I'd gone even if I left a 💌 with a drawn out map Janis: he can't be that thick Jimmy: why can't he? Janis: it's impossible he's not heard what your sister wants Janis: ignoring it is another issue Jimmy: yeah Janis: anyway Jimmy: what he's too thick to work out is that she wants a person not a place Jimmy: that's how he reckons he can make it work here with his 🎁💰🐕 Janis: guess he can't give that anywhere Jimmy: he could give her her mates back who were there and know about it, instead of this bollocks where it only gets 🗨 for each new Sharon who comes about Janis: so tell her to do it Jimmy: what makes you think I can tell her to do owt Janis: it's what she wants to do, so help her do it so she doesn't fuck it up Jimmy: she's a kid, I'm not helping her piss off on her own Janis: not permanently Janis: just so he has to do something about it Jimmy: no Janis: alright Jimmy: it's not alright, what the fuck's wrong with you? Janis: she's 12, not 2 Janis: and you said she has friends, all it is is showing up on their doorstep unannounced and waiting for their parents to call Jimmy: she's my sister, not some dickhead I don't care about that I'd use to score points against him Janis: I didn't say you had to, it was just a suggestion Jimmy: leave it out Janis: I said alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: what? Janis: forget it Jimmy: forget what? Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: you started it Janis: by trying to help, sure Jimmy: I never asked for it Janis: nah, 'course not Jimmy: you don't know her Jimmy: and if she got it into her head to go looking for my mum instead of pissing about at a mates for a bit, fuck knows what'd happen Janis: like it's going to be easy to convince your dad to move back when he moved for a reason Jimmy: I'm not thick, alright Jimmy: I know how decent his job here is Janis: you either want to do something about it or you don't Janis: and you clearly don't so that's what forget it means Jimmy: stop having a go at me Jimmy: you clearly don't have a fucking clue about what I do or don't want Janis: this is pointless Jimmy: yeah, it is Janis: bye then Jimmy: 👋 Janis: I'll be over the road when you want your stuff back later Jimmy: it's nowt I need back in a bit Janis: then I'll leave it there Jimmy: 👌 Janis: [what do you wanna do like after he's gone home and dealt?] Jimmy: [I'll hit you back up because I was thinking injury wise like obvs it makes sense for them all to be hidden still because Ian is probs suss of Janis so like whatever healing his ribs have done they are probably fucked again but if it's lowkey that whole side of his body his wrist and arm would be an easy one for people to maybe notice at school but not think is a big deal because people hurt them all the time by putting them out when they fall etc and he can write with his other hand anyway but because we want some #drama and none of the bruises will be !! for a couple of days he could also have a dislocated shoulder as it's painful and shock factor for her to having to pop it back in but easy enough that she could without anyone else having to be involved] Jimmy: You still over the road or what? Janis: yes Janis: do you need to come in? Jimmy: come out Janis: ok Janis: [do that quickly 'cos we've clearly just been waiting] Jimmy: [I dread to think the state of this poor boy just trying not to cry outside mcvickers gaff like hey] Janis: [we're gonna be really shocked but pretending hard not to be like okay, just trying to survey the damage 'what do you need me to do?'] Jimmy: [show her your shoulder boy like nbd just casually pop this back into place because we're lowkey in shock here hence we told her to come outside even though you're gonna have to go in because you have to do this while he's lying on a bed you can't just do it here] Janis: [just gonna lead you inside without touching you or saying anything, just gesturing like come on 'it's okay' which is the furthest thing from the truth but what else can you say rn] Jimmy: [thank god you can trust her not only to do this but to not tell anyone because what a big ask when we're literally a month in] Janis: [lowkey, thank god you have a room here too, gonna rip your top off instead of trying to get it off 'cos impossible and bunching it in a way to make a decent gag because don't need to bite through your tongue or scream the house down, letting him get ready in that much and getting on the bed but not giving him loads of warning because best way to do it] Jimmy: [last we need is Libi or mcvickers rocking up and interrupting any of this so well played gal because he is not in a headspace to be helpful rn] Janis: [at least its one of those things where it's better once it's done so that'll be some minor relief for you, still, 'sorry' though 'cos it's fucking gnarly 'wait here' and going out to the bathroom, thank god they're old and probably have some decent painkillers, have to cross that bridge later when they think you've taken 'em for fun gal] Jimmy: [if he was thinking clearly he would not have come here because you already know too much gal and more importantly isn't not fair to make you do this when you're literally supposed to get xrays and shit first but here we are and you know he's saying sorry too and also trying to stop her from leaving even though she's literally just going too the bathroom and we realistically know that] Janis: [just keep telling him it's okay over and over 'we need to get you comfortable, okay? then we'll-' trail off 'cos we don't know and we know that's gonna be a journey to get there] Jimmy: [just nod because we know she's not wrong you do need those painkillers] Janis: [get as many of them down you as is safe boy, thanks for having a decent stash guys, also bandages we're gonna try to make use of now, taking his hand gently 'do you think any of the fingers are broken?'] Jimmy: [they gonna be suss about where all this has gone you're gonna have to lie convincingly gal, but for now we're just moving all our fingers by like messing about doing the signing alphabet and stuff like cos I'm gonna let you live and say they are okay] Janis: [sigh of relief like okay, we don't need to splint any of those, checking to see if he can bend his arm and how high he can etc before settling on splinting the whole forearm and then doing a sling 'he does realize you'll probably have to take more time off school now, where's the fucking sense in that' basically to ourselves and under our breath 'cos we know it's not logical and also not really about that] Jimmy: [didn't realise when you were having all that fun fake nursing each other that it would come to this, did you lads? ugh Ian, but jimothy is just getting ready to go when she's done this like okay thanks bye as if I'm just gonna let you walk out and go back to big brother duties and whatever else you're thinking about rn sir] Janis: [putting a hand out like stop 'you can't just go back'] Jimmy: ['I can't just stay here' like you literally can boy it's okay] Janis: '[just sit down, you need to give yourself chance to catch up'] Jimmy: [when you do sit down without arguing or saying anything pisstakey and it's so unlike him that we all hate it] Janis: [sit in silent shock for a sec guys 'you know you can't let him do this again' 'you will end up in hospital'] Jimmy: ['you're acting like there's owt else I can do that I've not'] Janis: ['that isn't what I'm saying' 'this isn't working, not any more'] Jimmy: ['What then, you still want me to tell Cass to crack on making him more fuming than I ever have done, knowing what he's like?] Janis: ['has he hit her?'] Jimmy: ['not yet'] Janis: ['you're gonna have to consider possibilities you don't like, you can't live like this'] Jimmy: ['there ain't a possibility I've not, I've been living like this for ages'] Janis: ['this isn't just discipline or whatever the fuck, it's assault and he knows that, wouldn't you be better off without him?'] Jimmy: ['where do you reckon we'd go? They're not better off without me'] Janis: ['I don't know, all I know is, he gives you any more injuries, neither of you will have any say who gets involved, okay'] Jimmy: ['he's got away with it this long'] Janis: ['well he isn't now'] Jimmy: ['I didn't come here for you to have another go at me'] Janis: ['I'm not'] Jimmy: ['nobody knows fuck all about it and that's the way it's staying'] Janis: [just shrugging like okay and getting up to go 'get some sleep' Jimmy: [likewise getting up to leave and actually go home this time like okay bye] Janis: ['next time this happens, don't come to me for help, because this isn't fair' 'because I do know and I'm not going to pretend I don't again'] Jimmy: ['I shouldn't have bothered coming this time' because we know it's not fair and we're just very sad and frustrated by life obvs 'do what you like' because lord knows we would if we could] Janis: ['I'm not going to tell anyone' 'but it has nothing to do with what I like, Jesus fucking Christ'] Jimmy: ['and I'm not saying tah for you not being a massive dickhead who'd proper fuck my little brother and sister over' a shrug but we're maintaining eye contact because this is serious] Janis: ['it's not about them' because it ain't Jimmy: ['you tell anyone and they'll get chucked into care same as I would'] Janis: ['remind him of that, not me'] Jimmy: ['you don't think I have done?'] Janis: ['there are ways to make it a more serious threat'] Jimmy: [just an exhausted sigh because he's doing everything he can always and it's not enough ever] Janis: ['think about it, the last thing he wants is people knowing, yeah? well I know'] Jimmy: ['might work for a bit, til he's too fuming to be bothered and just tells himself no dickhead'll believe you or owt else he needs to'] Janis: [just looks at him like there's all the evidence needed 'not like it's being made up though'] Jimmy: ['alright, it might be enough to get him to fuck off back to the north and get us away from you, but that don't help me'] Janis: ['except he doesn't want to go back, as is very fucking obvious by now, so it'd be easier for him to stop beating the shit out of you than do that'] Jimmy: [a look like yeah obviously but that doesn't mean he will] Janis: ['it's accountability, if he keeps doing it, I could tell anyone, everyone- he clearly reckons you won't by now, he doesn't know that about me'] Jimmy: [just clearly thinking about if she did have to then follow through on that threat though and tell everyone and how much he obviously doesn't want anyone to know and all of this is just in his expression rn] Janis: [shaking our head like well there's fuck all else to say rn 'get some sleep'] Jimmy: ['stop saying that' cos clearly neither of them will be able to very easily] Janis: ['you need it to heal'] Jimmy: ['just say you want me to piss off, you've already said not to bother coming back'] Janis: ['I'm trying to fucking help you'] Jimmy: ['I know' in a purely frustrated way but then repeating it in a soft way because we do know that] Janis: ['I don't know what else you want me to do'] Jimmy: ['I never said I knew what I were doing or what you should' this boy trying not to cry again over here] Janis: ['don't' but softly 'cos we've been trying not to cry this whole convo lowkey and we don't wanna do it now] Jimmy: [doing a feelsy lean with our good side because we want to hug her but we can't] Janis: ['I mean it' and moving away so he doesn't hurt himself, but not dramatically like get away] Jimmy: [a nod because we know and we appreciate everything she has done and is trying to do more than we can put into words without crying rn ' but I shouldn't have made you do that' a look at his shoulder 'I'm a dickhead'] Janis: [shrug like it's nothing, like I'm sure you've seen dislocated shoulders but doubt you were the one putting them back in but okay 'don't mean you deserve any of this'] Jimmy: [a look like don't because we know it's not nothing and we're really sorry about this now we're thinking clearer] Janis: ['you didn't have anywhere else to go'] Jimmy: ['that don't mean it were alright to come here and do this to you'] Janis: ['I'm not the one battered and bruised, I'm fine'] Jimmy: ['I'm used to that bollocks, it's having someone be bothered about it that I can't get my head round' when you aren't used to having people care about you ever so you always feel like you're fucking it up] Janis: ['be a pretty shit person if I didn't' 'so I can see the confusion' not really the time to be salty about that but we are] Jimmy: [a lol which we then regret because ouch] Janis: [tryna be serious like 'for fuck's sake' but a lil bit 😏] Jimmy: [when you wanna kiss her so much that you've simply got to, injuries be damned] Janis: [at least your face is purposely avoided so you'll be okay but you can't go in sad times for you 'I'm sorry' 'that you think I'm having a go at you'] Jimmy: [shaking his head because he genuinely doesn't think that 'I didn't mean that it were just -' no need to finish that because she knows what you mean, we've all been put through it tonight honey and we've already admitted we've been a dickhead] Janis: [nods because yeah 'I was never saying it was easy, I don't think that'] Jimmy: [also nods because yeah 'and I weren't saying it were a shit idea'] Janis: ['I just want-' not finishing that sentence like never mind 'anyway'] Jimmy: [all the eye contact because always 'what?'] Janis: ['I just want you to be alright' mumbling and not giving more than a second of eye contact like you haven't already said ily and that you care] Jimmy: [posing to show off the amazing job she's done bandaging him up and 😁 like I am alright now as if it's that simple] Janis: [just like mhmm like that is not what I mean and you know that but we don't need to get into it rn it's okay] Jimmy: [pull her even closer to you because we do know what she means and we appreciate it] Janis: [checking him like be careful please 'I'm sleeping on the floor' it's definitely a double but we don't wanna hurt him] Jimmy: [gestures at the bed like um look how much space there is compared to what we've used to 'no need for that'] Janis: ['could make a pillow wall' like people who hate their partners do lmao] Jimmy: ['that'll be Mia at every one of them sleepovers, cracking on just like her dad taught her' shading Ella and Mia's mum in one go lol] Janis: [we have to lol 'poor els, no 'accidental' rub ups for her'] Jimmy: [goes to do the 💔 but can only do half so has to force the bae to do the other bit for us] Janis: ['so tragic' and lowkey forcing him to get situated properly in this bed as comfortably as possible 'what are you gonna say happened then?' 'cos can't hide for the whole time it'd take to heal] Jimmy: ['weren't planning to do a q&a about it' cos he's honestly not thought about it yet with everything else he has been thinking about 'don't matter as long as nobody reckons you smacked me about'] Janis: [a look like who is going to think that? then rolling our eyes 'cos is the type of thing Mia would try to say lol 'well no one is going to think you got it playing a sport' cheeky bit of shade as we are looking in the wardrobe and under the bed for something] Jimmy: [chucking a pillow at her for the shade like oi 'I'll say I fell over or some bollocks, worked for my mum'] Janis: [making a noise like psh but we're not throwing that back 'you tryna prove you have aim? alright, I believe you' and coming back with the pillow and the sleeping bag we've retrieved to sleep in so we're not rolling all over] Jimmy: [a look like you know how good my aim is because any excuse to be saucy about anything especially when we're so upset about this whole sleeping situation but trying to downplay it] Janis: ['thank god you're ambidextrous' meant to be taking the piss out of him but it just sounds thirsty so we're loling] Jimmy: [😏 'you'll have to tweet that so the fans know'] Janis: ['the offers to fill in whilst you're injured would probably be a lot'] Jimmy: [😒 because we don't wanna think about that 'won't be a slaggy nurse's outfit left in this shithole once they've heard' because also true] Janis: [likewise 'gross' and shaking our head 'there's nothing sexy about hospital'] Jimmy: [a fed up sigh 'I can't be bothered with this' like it's an option to just not be injured, soz boy] Janis: [squeeze his non-injured hand like I know 'it'll be alright, we'll work it out'] Jimmy: ['can we not just fake going away like we were gonna do at new year's?' probably not boy but it's a nice thought] Janis: ['it'd be easier to actually go away' but a tone that's saying, that's how long it'd need to be, not suggesting it] Jimmy: ['let's do that then' as if that's remotely plausible in any way] Janis: ['are you concussed as well?' and moving our fingers about in front of him like follow but 😏 'cos we don't think he actually is obvs or we wouldn't be joking] Jimmy: [takes her hand and turns it into a 👍 like she's agreeing to his great idea 'wouldn't even have to be for that long' because we know he's not gonna do the 2 weeks off that you're meant to when you dislocate your shoulder because he never does what he's supposed to] Janis: ['where are we going then?' as we lay down ourselves] Jimmy: ['where do you wanna go?'] Janis: ['don't care' because we don't 'what about you?@'] Jimmy: ['what makes you think I care?' because likewise we don't] Janis: ['then just not here it is' turning to face him in our little sleeping bag 'assuming the pain pills don't wear off and you change your mind'] Jimmy: [a genuine smile at the prospect of getting to leave for a bit together even hypothetically tbh 'when they wear off you might change yours' and doing a 😒 af face] Janis: ['this is you being a delight, yeah?' and do a feelsy lean assuming we're sleeping on his good side 'cos makes sense] Jimmy: ['that were me doing an impression of you remembering what a nightmare I were last time we went away' because that skerries domestic when she tried to get him to sleep in a bed we all remember those joys] Janis: ['bit rude' like how dare you insinuated I'm ever grumpy lollolollll 'you'll be less trouble now you're fucked up' but a sad sigh 'cos its not funny though we're trying] Jimmy: [taking her hand again so you can write soz on it playfully but then just properly hold it because we heard that sad sigh and we are really soz in our heart] Janis: [doing the 👌 symbol which is probs hard to follow so then just doing a 💕 like] Jimmy: [doing an irl 🤝 because best friends forever] Janis: [then tucking him in like go to sleep nerd 'it'll be better in the morning'] Jimmy: [goes to say something because it won't be but we're deciding against it so she doesn't sad sigh again and closing our eyes instead] Janis: [gently lean over and kiss both his eyes] Jimmy: [not opening our eyes or anything but 'I really fucking like you' with feeling because he do] Janis: [got to kiss you on the lips with as much feeling 'cos we cannot trust ourselves to say anything rn] Jimmy: [have a moment because it's been a very dramatic night]

[outerspaceisbetterthannothing]

Hit me with some alpha Calum!!! Intimidating alpha Cal who takes no shit and would do anything for those he loves. And just like. Fuck me up I guess!! Thanks!!!

Eve, i love you so much!!! thank you for this ask!!! 😭😭😭 i hope that’s what you hoped it to be (if not just msg me and i’ll continue with alpha!cal until you’re satisfied)

Okay, as i’m deep in the world of “the girl who cried wolf”, let’s stay there. I mentioned in the fic, there are some southern packs in this area, and let’s just say they sometimes give Cal and Ash a bit of a headache, cause they are pretty savage. But Cal is always there to protect his pack (and Ash’s pack, and simple humans, neighbourhood old ladies’ cats, he’s just an ultimate protector, fight me on that). So there’s this lil family in his pack, a girl of 19-20, her younger sis, let’s say 11-12, and their lil brother of 5. Their parents are not in the picture, so pack is taking care of them and Cal takes it as his full personal responsibility.

One night at some pack gathering Cal sees the older sister (shall we name her? i like the name Gabbie) being sad and a little distant from the mutual fun. But he also knows that Gabbie in a million years won’t tell him what’s her problem if he just comes up to her and ask. He likes Gabbie, she’s strong and honest and loyal. She hasn’t ascended yet, so they don’t know her place in an hierarchy and it makes it so much easier for Cal to talk to her. But she’s also proud and stubborn as hell and hates how much of a burden for the pack her family is (even tho they are not a burden), so she won’t ever admit to him something is wrong. But Cal would be an awful alpha if he’d just let it be. So he comes up to one of the oldest she-wolves in the pack, the wise old lady he’s looking up at more like a grandma and asks her to talk to Gabbie. He himself joins his purebloods and they’re just drinking beer and have fun, being all young and joking around. And no one would say, alpha isn’t relaxed and having his much deserved rest, as no one would see how he follows Gabbie and that old she-wolf talking.

Soon he knows, that in the local college Gabbie attends she came across some asshole from the southern packs. She didn’t think much of it, until she saw her standing on the corner of her street some days after that. She shoves her younger siblings back in the house, even tho they are begging to play outside, and lock all the doors and windows in the house. She starts seeing him in the town more and gets really scared for both, herself and her younger sister. Everyone knows, southern packs often steal women from other packs, and even sometimes kids. But she doesn’t want to bother the pack with it, too thankful for what they’ve already done and feeling shy to ask for more.

Calum sighs as one of his betas tells him about this situation. She acts like a true stubborn she-wolf, but forgets she’s just a little girl. He doesn’t wait any time and calls Ash to ask for couple of his betas for a week or so. He needs someone to look after Gabbie while she’s at school or running errands, but he can’t use any of his wolves, as she’ll understand and get offended.

This evening is a complete madness for Gabbie. It all starts with a nock on her front door. She feels her blood freeze in her veins, thinking it’s that southern wolf. But before she can stop her younger sister, the girl is already at the door. But the man standing at the door surprises Gabbie even more, cause it’s her alpha, with the bags from local chinese restaurant.

“Alpha?” Gabby said, not really getting what was going on. Calum just shrugged, as Gabbie’s younger brother was already jumping on him, yelling “uncle Cal!”

Cal said something about not wishing to dine alone, so Gabbie gave in, going back in the kitchen and starting to set the table. They often had other wolves pay an impromptu visits like then. Old family friend, Cal’s purebloods and even alpha himself. It wasn’t too out of character for him to show up on her porch with a bag full of takeaways, so Gabbie talked herself in not reading much into it. The dinner went fine, her little sister was smiling and chatting about her school projects and they all were obliged to play her brother’s new game after the dinner. Calum did stay a little longer than usual, up to the time of getting kids to bed and made Gabbie promise she won’t stay up for too late reading for classes before he left. It wasn’t a completely odd evening, but still Gabbie couldn’t shake this strange feeling out of her.

The next evening everything repeated. The third night Calum came the same time as the pizza guy and stopped Gabbie from paying. She knew now there was a reason for his visits and was afraid to know it.

On the fourth day he came much earlier with paper bags from the grocery shop and said they could cook something this time. He agreed on Gabbie’s help while her sister was finishing her school work on the other side of the kitchen island and her brother was painting a picture for his daycare. They cooked pasta and had a lovely chat about Gabbie’s college and her plans for after she graduates. Later at night, as they finished with the dinner and kids went upstairs to get ready for school and Cal and Gabbie had a pretty heated but whispered argument about him not helping her with dishes, they settled back at the table.

“Do you, maybe, want wine?” Gabby asked carefully, feeling awkwardness rise inside.

“You have wine?” Calum asked in surprise. He’s never seen Gabbie drink even beer.

She shrugged. “Mom always said there should be at least one bottle of good wine in the house, just for the occasion.”

“Your mom was a wise woman,” Calum nodded. “But thank you, maybe later.”

Gabby sneaked a look at the clock behind Calum. It was almost eleven, was he about to stay even later? Before she could form any crazy idea in her head, his phone vibrated shortly. Alpha looked at the screen and stood up.

“If you’ll excuse me, I need to leave your for the moment.”

Gabbie followed him suit, but had to stop on her porch. In the middle of a road, right in front of the house stood all Cal’s purebloods, two were holding the wolf stalking Gabbie last couple weeks. “You better stay in the house,” alpha said, looking at her over his shoulder and ran down the steps.

“Do you know whose territory you’re at?” he asked the wolf. His voice was low, almost a roar, full of anger.

The wolf just spit on the ground in front of Calum. Alpha smirked. He loved when they were so stupid to disrespect him. It made his job so fucking much easier. He shrugged out of his jacket and motioned to his purebloods to let go of the bastard. Before the wolf got an idea of what’s gonna happen next, Calum’s fist met his jaw with such force that the guy was on the pavement in no time. Alpha bent down and put the wolf up by his throat.

“Here’s how it’s gonna be,” he said in the same low and facke calm voice. “I’m gonna make a piece of meat out of you right now for even looking at one of my she-wolves. Then my men will drive you to some pit they’ll like and leave you there. Whether you die or not doesn’t bother me at all. But if you do survive and even try to come to Gabriel or any other of my wolves any closer than 10 miles, I’m gonna come back and kill you that time.”

Gabbie knew she shouldn’t have looked at what was happening next, but she couldn’t turn away. She was a wolf and that was her alpha protecting her. She had to see it. Alpha’s fists were fast and direct. She could hear only flesh meeting flesh, and the wolf spitting blood and groaning from time to time. When finished, Calum just stood up, leaving the wolf’s senseless body for his purebloods. He and one more of his men came up to Gabbie’s porch and stopped in front of her.

“I would like to wash my hands, if you don’t mind,” alpha told her, looking her directly in the eyes. He was asking her permission to come to her house and it literally blew young girl’s mind away. She just stepped aside, letting them both inside. Pureblood left Calum’s jacket on her sofa and left the house, while Calum was busy washing away blood from his knuckles in her kitchen sink.

“Thank you, alpha,” Gabbie said simply.

He hummed, turned off the water and looked around her kitchen.

“Where did you say the wine is?”

“The cupboard on your right.”

He found a bottle, poured himself a glass, looked at Gabbie in question, but she just shook her head. He sat back on his place at the dining table, took a sip and gestures the girl to sit opposite.

“The first thing you have to understand, Gabbie,” he said in a quiet voice, which enveloped Gabbie like soft velvet, “is that I’m your alpha.”

“I know that,” she blurted.

“Obviously, you don’t,” he sighed, taking another sip, his knuckles still red from punching. “I’m not just a family friend, not kind neighbour and not a friendly uncle. I am your damn alpha. And your safety, just like safety of your family and every other family in the pack, is my job. I was chosen to do this job by the wolves of the pack. And your father was one of those wolves. If anything threatens you, or you think it threatens you, you come to me. You don’t think you’d be able to deal with it yourself and you don’t wait till i ask someone to talk to you about it to get information i should have heard from you. Anything threatening you, threatens the whole pack. And you should come to me with that yourself.”

“I’m sorry, alpha,” Gabbie answered quietly, nervously playing with her fingers.

“Don’t be sorry, pup. Just learn from your mistake and never repeat it in the future,” he said, his tone even softer than before. “Your life hasn’t been easy on you lately, and I know your siblings made you too mature for your age. But you’re not only their sister, you’re a wolf. You’ll ascend soon and take your rightful place in the pack, and then mate with one of my purebloods and become the right hand of my mate. It’s time for you to start acting like a wolf you are.”

“How do you know?” Gabbie asked in a shaken voice couple minutes later. Alpha frowned, not getting what she was talking about. “How do you know i’ll become all this? You don’t know the wolf before he ascends.”

Calum smiled, finishing his wine. “I know the breed when i see a wolf,” he simply answered. The stood up, thanked Gabbie for a wonderful wine, picked up his jacked and wished her a good night.

But Gabbie didn’t go to her room and stayed in the kitchen for much longer than she should have, just looking at the chair her alpha had sat on and the glass her alpha had drunk from. She knew she had close to no chance to ascend as an omega, being the daughter of two purebloods, and knew her alpha had never even tried to mate any omega from their pack. But she’d lie if she said the only feeling she had for Calum that night was a wolf’s loyalty to her alpha.

Come talk to me about alpha!Cal or anything in the world really!

[ramblingshit]

The Rise of Skywalker (2019)

• a growing list of my thoughts on episode 9 -- spoilers bruh spoilers--

▪︎ His death was really best case scenario for him - imagine returning to the light side to be faced with what you've done: killed his father yes, but also literally millions and millions of other people including entire worlds. Everyone knows who he is and what he's done. There's nowhere in the galaxy he could hide. But imagine knowing that you've done all that he had - how could he possibly live with himself, there's literally nothing he could possibly do to make things right, and the memories in his head of what he's done with his own hands. So, to die having saved Rey from the Emperor and from herself, and inadvertently helping to end the Sith and the war that he helped begin, held in her arms, knowing that he is loved and that he's finally done the right thing - it's really the best end a redeemed villain could ask for.

• Rey killed Kylo Ren with his own saber, and literally healed Ben Solo. Poetic cinema.

▪︎'Dad--' // 'I know.' (!!!!!!!!! kill me)

• They should have had the three together bouncing off one another from the start - that's always been the greatest part of Star Wars, people being friends and bickering and having each other's backs. Actually had an interest in their relationships and in their characters this time. Their hug at the end was emotional and satisfying.

• Rose was always a nothing character to me, she should have died during that crash to make a point to Finn about doing the right thing or fighting the war or whatever. Also love that their kiss was never mentioned again (thank fuck).

▪︎On that note tho - plot holes. Plot holes everywhere. Not even just one or two. A million plot holes. Things mentioned briefly but never explained. Things glossed over and ignored. It's like they made this enormous tale that needed to be smoothed and simplified so you're not distracted every two seconds tryna figure out what matters and what's never gonna be mentioned again

• Chewie falling to his knees and roaring in agony when he finds out that Leia is dead is finally respect to his character and his relationships with his friends who are all fkn dead

▪︎legit nearly walked out when they suggested that Chewie was dead - that would have been 100% unforgiveable

• Ben Solo's death was 100% glossed over and Rey's reaction could have been a lot more poignant and long lasting. Anakin got his funeral, why can't Ben?

• Every minute of every force bond chat and fight was 10/10.

▪︎Fkn hobbit had more screen time than half the characters combined like who tf

▪︎that lil droid was legit funny and adorable but so so clearly another cash grab damn

▪︎Been a long time since I've seen anything sexier than everything that is light-side Ben Solo.

▪︎the ow, the shrug, the smile - little glimpses of the man he was supposed to be, instead of the diabolical, tyrannical, genocidal torturing, manipulative monster he became (rip Ben Solo, your family let you tf down)

▪︎Air punched and almost yelled YES in the cinema when they fucking kisssssssseeedddd!!!!

▪︎Actually really happy with her being a Palpatine, it's the only thing that could make sense and I legit didn't see it coming - being a Kenobi would be too predictable and though Obi Wan defeated Vader at Mustafar, it was because he was so blinded by rage, not because Kenobi was stronger than him

Upon further consideration Rey should have just been Rey. People were so obsessed with who her family were because of course a person is defined by their parents and no way could a random person step up and defeat the bad guys (/s). She didn't have to be related to any legacy character. Heroes are made, not born. She followed the light because she's a good person, and she struggled against the dark because she's human. Gah.

▪︎Actually cried out in shock when she used force lightning to destroy the transport - that is a dark side move my dude, (and Palpatines fav party trick)

▪︎ loved the rehash of Ben and Han's final moments - he said himself he was just Bens memory, and Ben then did what he deep down wanted to do the day he killed him

▪︎Luke snatching the lightsaber out of the air like what the fuck do you think you are doing young lady

▪︎legit woulda been down for Rey to become Empress of the Sith what an ending that would be ey

▪︎Anakin should have showed up

▪︎Once Ben turned light-side he should have been talked to by his dead family members, not Rey.

▪︎Ben, the last Skywalker, should have been the one to defeat Palpatine, who was the one to begin the saga of the Skywalkers. Instead he got yeeted into a hole and spent the final battle time tryna climb out of it.

▪︎Ben should have been a force ghost standing there with his parents, reunited at last

▪︎And when they were both still alive Ben and Leia should have 110% reunited like what the fuckkk

▪︎ Rey should have proudly said that she is 'Just Rey.'

▪︎Finnpoe should have 100% been canon - Oscar Isaac literally admitted scorning the Disney 'overlords' for being cowards, and he played his role as Poe as being romantically involved with Finn. 10/10 best LGBT+ ally.

▪︎why tf would she go to Tatooine? She hates sand. Anakin hated sand. Luke wanted to leave and his last memory of that place is leaving the smoldering bodies of his aunt and uncle behind. Why put his saber there. Leia's never even been there. Why not go to Naboo or some green beautiful place where Rey has always wanted to be? Only fanservice moment really that irked me

▪︎all along all she's wanted was a family - she's made one and found one and yet the movie ends with her standing alone in the sand on a planet shes never been to, with two droids, looking at a horizon that means nothing to her.

▪︎that lightsaber tho (wish we had seen her make it, or decide to make it and explain at all why it's yellow)

▪︎Finn is fkn force sensitive and that's hella cool but like... address it more, make something of this discovery - this is the last movie and this is only just coming up? To be forgotten like all the other plot holes

▪︎liked Palpatine as the all over enemy - should have been more hints throughout the films fo sure to make it feel less outta left field as it did but still could've been a lot worse - but what the fuck is he doing on that Glados arm thing he shouldve been a Sith ghost ala Marka Ragnos not weird zombie sith man

▪︎lightning powers fucking up an entire fleet is fkn siiiiiiickkkk

▪︎would his dumbass really fall for the same ol bounce his own lightning back at him trick? Mmmmmnghhh??

▪︎if someone could explain why/how Leia died and became one with the Force only when Ben died that would be g??

▪︎thought they did Rey's struggle between the dark and the light pretty damn well like shout out to Daisy Ridley

▪︎ wish we had a shot of that vision she had with she and Kylo on the Sith throne together like damn son whhhyyy deprive us of that?? that shit would make my lifeeee

▪︎just everything Adam Driver tho what an actor like damn

▪︎in a story about love and family and winning by saving what you love, there's a whole lot of lovers dying and family members being torn apart and never reconciling. The entire Skywalker line did nothing but fuck up and make mistakes (excluding our Princess) - Anakin was so scared of losing Padme that the power he gained by turning darkside to save her overwhelmed him and resulted in her death, Padme thought it was a good idea to help Anakin defy the Jedi and marry him thus leading to his fear of losing her, Luke went full dark side when he sensed a growing darkness in his nephew and instead of trying to have a chat about his feelings he decided the obvious answer was to just murder him (like what???) thus fully pushing Ben over the edge to become Kylo Ren.

And then every single one of them die. How the fuck is that a satisfying conclusion to their story? I'm sorry but a happy ending to the Skywalker saga is Not the entire family being fucking DEAD. There is no happy ending to their story. Because they're all dead. This is some bullshit.

▪︎give us the almighty rumoured alternate ending you cowards

▪︎Honestly, the Skywalkers deserved better.

[tumblunni]

More thinking about the story big sis Bane is from

Lol this is SO awkward how on earth did i create the bff/mentor supporting character before ANY OF THE REST OF THE PLOT but man its been so much fun thinking up different stories she could fit in

* i was talking with a friend and they suggested she'd use a warhammer in battle ans now im like "hmm yes this story must be a game with combat" and that at least narrows it down a bit! I absolutely support her being a buff blacksmith cuddlebug who protects her friends with her fists as well as her mentorly perfectness. Also this friend said they're gonna design me a cool battle outfit for her IM SO EXCITED HOLY SHITTTT

* I'm not sure if the character she's bffs with would actually be a grandpa or just.. Grandpish? I just have this sense that its someone frail and depressed who doesn't believe they deserve friends and family, and they're all hermitty social anxiety until they meet this blacksmith lady who is like Fuck I Will Devote All Of My Considerable Power Towards Making Your Life More Alive. Seriously man i love Bane SO MUCH already!! She's basically a shonen hero archetype?? THE GRAMP AVENGER! Or a grandma or a dad or a whoever this person ends up being COS IF LITERALLY ANYONE IS IN NEED OF HELP SHE WILL BE THERE!! THE BANE OF DEPRESSION!!

* oh but im pretty sure that neither her nor the grandpa are the main character? I dont know why but i just feel like they would be better experienced from an outside view. I wanna be someone making friends with them! Also i feel like the protagonist should maybe be a young kid hero? Like, represent a different archetypal family role in this lil found family of hugs and sads.

* first initial idea- grandpa is a mysterious dark sorcerer and you are his apprentice! Or rather he just SEES himself as a dark sorcerer? Like all magic is considered evil, so even thougj he chooses to use his powers as a town doctor saving lives he still feels like he's a cursed monster. So he has an awkward dynamic with his apprentice cos he just Does Not Know How To React to someone hero worshipping him like this?? Like this orphan kid just came out of nowhere yelling BE MY TEACHER and hugging him and he's like OH NOOOO I CANT LEAVE THEM TO DIE IN THE COLD and theyre like SEE THATS PROOF YOURE GREAT and he's like NOOOOO!! xD i think a sort of "guy who never planned to be a gramp but had grampness thrown upon him" And he rose to the occasion spectacularly!!

* Another idea is that potentially instead of just being a random orphan, protagonist apprentice's backstory is shrouded in mystery? I was thinking maybe of a reveal that gramps actually did use to be a grandpa and his granddaughter died, and the protagonist was his failed attempt to ressurect her using dark magic. And for a long time he's been holding out on the hope that he really did bring her back, and that the protagonist will be able to recover her memories if he just tries hard enough. But as he grows to know you and love you like his own child, he realizes that you're your own person. (Or, well, your own homunculus?) And he takes responsibiluty for the new person he created, and helps you deal with finding out that you're not human, and you just form this very strange cute little family together with also the badass blacksmith lady yay! Also possibly LGBTQ elements because why not? Have the original dead grandkid always be a different gender to the protagonist, and them being trans could resonate with the themes that even though you're a clone you're your own person. And maybe have some sweet sad dream sequence where protag meets the ghost of the dead kid and you see a vision of what they might have looked like if they grew older. So throughout the course of the story you've become very different looking, and now you can embrace your big sibling for the first and last time, and feel like you really are a family. And they tell you to take care of gramps *sniff*

* Another idea is that maybe the protagonist is a secret government weapon? Like the gramps is still a dark sorcerer but instead of the dark incident in his past being a dead family member, its that he was part of a team of magic scientists and found out that his coworkers were crossing moral lines in their pursuit of power. So he finds a bunch of people locked up in a lab being turned into monsters and he managed to save only one of them during his great escape. And now he's trying to hide from them and raise this poor little monsterized kid to have a normal life.

* OR another idea is maybe taking this oc idea i had for a mismagius belonging to charon, because when i headcanon i tend to headcanon so deep i give everyone a full party and every party member needs a deep backstory too, lol. Anyway in that original pokemon version this mismagius was a lot more like an original ghost critter anyway i guess. His name was Hex and his concept was sorta like.. Charon meets kid charon? The other pokemon i gave him were all cute and bubbly to contrast him so i wanted to have one who was equally cynical. But also Hex is actually just a little kid even though he tries his damn best to be a Big Scary Evil Demon You Made A Contract With In Exchange For Great Power but really he's like a nine year old larping as one XD i think the whole concept could work better if he really WAS a magic spirit demon thing that this sad grandpa made a contract with in order to get the power to make his dreams come true. But also he's kind of a reject amoung other contract demon spirit thingies, and he's Really Just Babbu. I had this really sad idea for how he first met his trainer back when he was still a pokemon oc. From charon/new oc grandpa's perspective he found this big ominous scary demon lord and made an unholy contract! But from the demon's perspective he was just a tiny pathetic lonely lil kid who'd been hurt too many times by everyone he once trusted. So he grew to hate all those monsters who make friends with humans, and tried to act all egotistical like he chose to be alone. But eventually he just couldnt take it anymore and he decided he'd just go with the next human who tries to take him. Even if theyre evil.. Itd still be better than being alone. So he put up all those barriers around his true self and was so reluctant to trust gramps, but eventually being togethee has helped him regain his faith in having a happy life, yknow? And meanwhile grandpa is just like "oh god oh fuck youre a BABBY oh god how did i never know WHO WOULD LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE!!!" "Dude im a demon its not exactly normal to care about my wellbeing." "FUCK THAT, I AM YOUR GRAMP NOW"

* so yeah lol loads of different ideas about what the story could be, all kinda similar at heart but wildly varying from an innocent cute protag to grumpy cynical who's secretly an innocent cute protag, lol!

* in any case whoever you are and whoever gramps is, Bane is still be love u as big sis and support u thru the everything, yes

[limey-blue-arty-do]

Going Through The Stages

a lil ficlet inspired by my Angor Rot shitpost of how he deals with humans (in turn inspired by my OC and Angor interactions) 

this is very heavily a canon divergence AU, features OCs, and is an Angor angst-free zone. enjoy~

-

Stage 1: Do not fucking touch me

“Angor Rot, this is your new assistant.”

The young woman that Strickler gestured to bristled furiously, as she muttered, “We’ve already met.” Angor was very much content to glare and bare a slight growl in her direction.

Strickler felt a sinking sensation in his gut as he recalled the state that the Order’s new witch had been found in – bruised and exhausted in the care of the Trollhunter.

“So, you might have gotten off on the wrong foot”, he started, an attempt to placate the two. Twin glares suggested placating would not work. “But remember that you are here under the watch of the Order-” The witch scowled, something horribly bitter and yet sad in her eyes. “-and you are under my strict orders.” Another of Angor’s slight warning growls was uttered, this time in Strickler’s direction. Strickler held up the ring, and the gentle hum of golden power silenced Angor’s snarling.

“You two will be working together to stop the Trollhunter”, Strickler told them. “And as such any inconveniences-“

“That’s one way to describe murder”, the witch mumbled.

“…Any inconveniences will not be allowed. I’m sure the two of you will manage to figure out a working plan.” Satisfied, Strickler gave them both temperamental smile. The witch responded with a roll of the eyes and a heavy sigh, before glancing at Angor.

“At least you’re not allowed to try and kill me now”, she commented, reaching out a hand to the troll. He recoiled, his knife still in grip from his usual golem carving, spitting at her, “I’m sure I could manage to maim you, witchling!”

Strickler’s sinking sensation did not abate.

 Stage 2: Gestures of comfort are going get snapped at

There was something about having one’s soul used against oneself that left a painful ache even stronger than emptiness.

Angor watched Strickler’s back as the changeling walked away from the night scattered woodland clearing, feeling the urge to leap at his unprotected back and sink a stone dagger into the softness. But his limbs would not obey. Not now. Not until that ring was in his hands.

“Not gonna lie, that guy is kinda an asshole”, the witch commented. She was sitting nearby. Almost casual, but her shoulders rose when Angor glared at her as if she too would pounce.

As Angor rumbled a foul phrase in Trollish, the witch stood, unwrapping each leg with a wince and brushing off whatever foliage stuck to her coat.

“I uh….I feel you though”, she muttered. “I get that this sucks, having something taken, and-”

“Do not presume to know my thoughts!”, Angor snapped at her, his voice edging on a brutal roar.

“And don’t you try to judge me in return!” Silence. Inhale, exhale. A shaking breath. Soft fleshing movements. Such weakness.

 Stage 3: You can steady yourself if needed but I will push you away if touch lingers for more than 1 second

They’d been traversing these tunnels for about an hour. Angor had been expecting the young witch to make some complaints or tire, but she’d been keeping reasonably good pace to his hidden surprise. Sure she’d attempted to make some conversation, but seeing as Angor was either short or reluctant on responses, she’d eventually lapsed into silence.

Well, for long enough periods of time.

“Do you know other kinds of magic?”, she asked. “Apart from tracking and stasis and projection? Granted that’s a strange combination to have on hand..” Again she trailed off. Angor glanced back over his shoulder, checking again she had not fallen behind. The human face was vaguely illuminated by the grey-white orb of light she had summoned to her hand, face pinched in that common manner that suggested she was thinking about something, or otherwise not in the moment.

“Keep your wits around you”, Angor rumbled, and her eyes snapped back up to him. “We will not be alone for much longer.”

“Right”, the witch said, and she took two steps into a hidden crack or crevice. Stumbling, she muffled a sound of distress, her path sending her falling against Angor. He braced himself not to step back, an arm adjusting to keep her upright.

A second passed, and he shoved her back onto solid ground.

“…Thanks”, she said.

“Watch your step, next time I may not assist”, Angor replied, continuing to lead the way.

 Stage 4: If you hit me during a fight I’m going be a little bit proud

The woodlands surrounding Arcadia were widespread, with trunks and leaves that could swallow sound like a hole.

It was a suitable hiding place and training ground.

Shadows warped and coalesced across the dappled grass, forming a solid object that the witch plucked from the ground. Her hands forced the shape into a spear that turned and blocked Angor’s downward swing, stone and shadow hitting together with a muted metallic noise. Leaping back, Angor tossed the dagger to his other hand and came running in again. The witch turned the spear to the incoming attack and didn’t see the claw stretched toward her unprotected side. Sure the dagger was blocked again, but she was still bodily flung across the clearing. Turning in the air, she landed, rolled with the continuing motion, and came to a halt in a crouching position.

“When facing a greater opponent, they can always flank you”, Angor called across at her. “Maintain awareness of all your surroundings, and you may withstand a chance of survival.”

“I get it, I’m small, I’m more likely to die”, the witch said, standing with a sigh and slack posture.

Unguarded.

Angor kicked off from the ground, dagger in one hand and a spell manifesting in the other. Something to stun, to sting, to drive the lesson in-

Wait.

Her posture shifted even as he moved, the spear splintering into a dozen shards of black magic, her eyes watching him and prepared, she’d planned this and she was ready.

He struck low, moving to avoid the shards, as she leapt high and planted her foot into his face.

A small explosion of black cloud pushed the witch forward and Angor backward, hitting the ground and rolling uncontrolled, coming to rest on his side with a growing pain across his jaw. The witch didn’t fare much better, launched across the clearing by her own magic and falling in a cacophony of limbs and smoke. For a brief while, the two opponents lay dazed.

Angor let out a laugh, distant and grating as he slowly pushed himself back to his feet. The witch eyed him with an expression of nervousness.

“You are learning”, Angor said. “There may be some worth in you yet.”

“….Did you just compliment me?”

“I stated the facts.”

“You complimented me. Wow.”

Angor nudged the witch in the ribs with his foot and she wheezed.

“Up. This lesson is not yet complete.”

They took position once more.

 Stage 5: Tapping my arm to get my attention is allowed but causes irritated glaring

The Trollhunter and his allies were wary now. They’d encountered Angor enough times to keep an eye out and to travel in groups. Now Angor no longer held the Shadowstaff, this led to some slight difficulties in keep track of the group. No major issues at least.

From the thicket (annoying brambles jabbed uselessly against stone), Angor watched the fleshling children walk together down a lit street and talk amongst themselves.

No Triumbric stone, but a magical implement gained. What to do now? How long until Angor Rot returned from wherever the portal had sent him? How to retrieve the stone? Where to find the next?

Angor listened. To know the plans of your enemy was to be able to fool him. To know where the prey would flee would be to set the trap in his path. He followed the three, moving silently from the thicket to thicket, another shadow in the darkness.

He felt a hand tap his arm and it was only the fact that the gesture brought no threat that stopped him from immediately turning his dagger on the person. Even so, he still brought up in a threatening movement, an annoyed snarl curling across his face. Tapping a finger to her lips, the witch pointed behind them. Angor turned his head too, and heard bushes move, the thud of heavy stone feet and limbs as one ungainly troll and one large troll moved towards the group.

Time to disappear somewhere else.

Angor pushed the witch ahead of him, and she in turn moved the shadows around them, the night enveloping the two and turning them into dappled shapes against moonlight and street lamps.

 Stage 6: Comfort gestures are met with grumbling as opposed to violence

“Do you miss your home?”

Angor cracked an eye open. The witch was sitting across from where he’d taken up his own seat, floating wisps of black magic above her open palms.

She’d spoken enough of her own home in the same pained longing that Angor had felt when he’d been tired enough to recall his past, when Strickler had described Angor’s rise to the Pale Lady’s champion.

He felt the wisps of golden magic in his hands flutter, glowing in strength. Was it at the thought of the Pale Lady? Or was it at the thought of his home, long left to dust and ruin?

“There is nothing to miss”, Angor eventually responded, and he spoke truth and it seemed to ache even more than his emptiness.

Damn this witch for making him remember what had been taken. So much had been taken.

It took a moment for Angor to realise the witch had just said that.

“It’s not fair for you to loose so much”, she continued, almost muttering to herself.

“Do not loose focus. Empty your mind to concentrate on the power”, Angor warned her. He didn’t say she was wrong.

The black wisps curled, fluctuated and then dissipated. Letting out a sigh, Angor went back to focus on his own magic, only to see nothing but the fading glow on his hands. So much for a successful lesson.

The witch watched him, eyes narrowed. Angor couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen her wariness, her spite. He couldn’t recall when he’d last felt that sickly hate, like when he sensed the presence of a witch and thought of what had been stolen from him.

She stood up, walked across to him (even with him sat down she only stood higher than his head from the torso up), and asked him, “You said once that trolls comfort each other by pressing foreheads together, right?”

Angor could tell where this was going. He curled his lip, let out a dull, “You should not bother to care”, followed it with a, “I could still try to kill you.” But still he felt contact against his forehead and he closed his eyes.

“The Impure will not know about this.”

“My lips are sealed if yours are too.”

 Stage 7: You are fucking small get on my shoulder to get a better view

He needed that ring.

He was going to get that ring.

And damned by any that got between him and his soul.

The rooftops of Arcadia had become second-nature, much like the sewers, and Angor travelled across them quickly in the dim light of nighttime. Behind him, blurring shadow in footsteps and muffling sound, the witch kept well enough pace.

As they neared the museum, somewhere Angor knew Strickler frequented, Angor swung and clambered his way across a gap between the buildings, vaulting up the side of a billboard before leaping across the next gap. An easy path.

For a troll at least.

Looking behind him, Angor saw the witch try to peer between the billboard and metal vents, muttering angry words before trying to clamber up the billboard. Angor watched her progress for maybe a minute before deciding it simply wasn’t going to cut it. Back across he leapt, dropping down beside her.

“Stay still”, he said, and picked her off the ground. The witch wriggled briefly, as she usually did when carried. Reaching around, Angor held her up to the aging branches that grew across his spine and shoulder.

“Hold on”, he ordered and she did, he felt her weight across his back and a foot accidentally kick his side.

Up the wall, digging claws into the metal structure and up to the top of the billboard, Angor crept across before leaping the gap across the buildings again. He heard the witch inhale sharply, felt another accidental kick before that foot shoved into a nook somewhere in his back.

Landing gracefully, Angor shook himself and the witch dislodged herself without much other word, clambering down his arm to terra firma.

“Keep going”, Angor said.

“Of course”, the witch replied, following his lead.

 Stage 8: Comfort gestures don’t cause grumbling

Angor Rot felt like his cracked core of a heart had been squeezed in a clamp. One moment that ring, his soul, had been in the clutches of the Trollhunter. The next, the witch was holding it and looking like it was a death sentence.

“Please, give it to me!”, the Trollhunter shouted from beneath Angor’s clutches.

“Do not”, Angor growled, and lo there was the spite, the bile, again a traitorous witch had taken his soul and how dare she, how dare she-

“Angor”, she said, her voice shaking and he couldn’t understand, he’d watched her change from bitter to capable at his side. “Please, come here.”

He moved. Close until she was right before him.

“Angor Rot, I return to you your soul.”

Reaching up, the witch placed the ring into his hand. There was a brief moment of stillness, and suddenly warmth flooded into him. Joy, freedom, a weight lifted with the removal of manacles. Angor exhaled for the first time.

He was free.

“You did not have to do this”, he said to the witch. “You shouldn’t have. I could kill you now, kill you and the Impure and the Trollhunter.”

“I…I trust you not to”, the witch replied, confidence leaking back into her voice and posture. “Do you really want to? Now that you have the choice.”

Angor looked at the witch and saw his village.

“No. No, I do not.”

The smile of relief on the witch was shaking but genuine. Reaching up, she placed a cold hand on his arm, and he leaned down in response to press his forehead against hers.

“Does someone want to explain what’s going on?” Ah, he’d almost forgotten the fleshbag Trollhunter. Stepping aside to face the confused young boy, Angor gave him a menacing grin.

“My leash has been removed”, he replied. “The Impure and his Order, nor the Pale Lady, no longer have a grasp on my actions. Angor Rot is loose, Trollhunter. And next to be broken is the leash of my ally.”

Gesturing to the witch, he was gladdened to see a look of surprised glee on her face. Both were especially surprised though by the Trollhunter’s next words:

“So, where do we start?”

 Stage 9: I’ve gotten so used to you starting to climb up me now because you’re small that we have a damn code-word during fights

Given a month ago Angor had been raised from his chains to a world changed and marred, leashed by an Impure and forced to work alongside a witch fleshbag, he would not have expected to come to this. Standing in the shadows of a building alongside a dock of hulking steel and crates, and not being forced to work, not any more.

“It is clear”, he rumbled, and the witch ran ahead of him, taking shelter behind the first set of huge metallic crates. She crept ahead under she reached another opening, then gestured. Angor ran and leapt up onto the crate, flowing across the top to leap to the next before motioning for the witch for follow him. Turn by turn, they navigated the space between the line of buildings and the ship before them.

Angor heard them first. A sour chittering, and claws across metal. He dropped down to the witch’s level, motioned for her to stop. She stepped up to his side, hands instinctively drawing a weapon from the dark shadows around them.

The first goblin was taken out by a simple punch. The next fell to a spear. More and more, about a couple dozen, they swarmed the pair and it was a good fight. Sure, not a difficult one for Angor Rot and his witch, but a good one nonetheless.

Several goblins came in from behind them, from atop the crates, and Angor just about managed to turn and cut them apart into green ooze as they jumped at them.

“Midnight”, the witch called over and she grabbed for the now outstretched arm, clambering up and settling into place with a hand on those aching fossilised branches and a swinging glaive knocking back any other goblin that dared to try and claw at Angor’s back.

When the last goblin turned away with a frightened howl, there was a pause to breath. To take in the scene once again.

Again, the skittering of claws on concrete and metal. But this time something else was breathing, heavier and larger than a goblin.

“It’s them, it’s the Order”, the witch murmured, and to hear fear for the first time in a long time made Angor snarl at the oncoming foes.

“They will not stop us this time”, he growled, as the shapes of humanoid (but not, stone skin and claws and hooves and spines) figures came into view from around.

They would not stop him.

Damned be the Pale Lady, she would not take his village from him again.

[fcknscout]

w ow look who it is.. bringing back yet another old muse and another werewolf.. wow what a situation. but hey hi tis kat again replacing nuri with this boi and he’s an old buddy i had in keisung so i’ve just editted him to fit here rn. but he’s a cold alpha boi running one of the packs in keisung after vvv brutally killing the other alpha in front of the whole school :) but he’s been here for 10 years but he took just over a year off so he’s only just coming back y u p ( and that reason is still under construction bcos one of the possibilities is wilder than the other one yup but u’ll know about that some point soon hopefully )

if u wanna plot tho hit that heart and imma post him a starter too ( really just gonna reuse one but ), and under the cut is his info~

profile

scout was a werewolf from birth, the second oldest beta child of the two alpha’s of what would become the donghae pack, one of the biggest korean wolf packs

he has over 15 brothers, no sisters somehow, but with multiple brothers came a competition between them all, and the biggest being for who would be the neck alpha in line, and as far as anyone was concerned, only the oldest was really thought about for that

either way, apparently that wasn’t the case, because after years he began showing the major side of an alpha from a young age

though even as a boy, he did love playing, mostly with the beta’s of the pack as they always ran around playing and play fighting, and it was the most fun to him really

for the most part though, scout was only raised around his pack, still allowed into the towns and such too, but they mostly spent their time around his own species because they had a very strong connection between themselves anyway

but still, scout wasn’t always called scout, he was known as no yongjoon before he was known as scout, but that story isn’t the nicest because no yongjoon is a dead werewolf, a traitor of a werewolf

it’s all because of his oldest brother too, a boy that is far too envious of everything to do with scout because he was supposed to be the alpha, he was supposed to take over the pack and be the golden child, not scout, and that’s how everything unfolds

just over 200 years old, preparing to take over the pack as he was supposed to - it’s the night before a full moon when his brother finally makes him snap

the male has been slowly testing his anger for years now, making him more aggressive and irritable than possible, until he finally flips on the full moon

anger drive, scout doesn’t even remember entirely what happens, he doesn’t know it all anyway - but the truth of it all is that when scout flips in wolf form, he attacks anyone he comes in sight with, a feral wolf truly as he kills some of his pack members, innocent civilians even, until the kill count gets over 60 within two nights

when he comes back too, he’s laying on the forest floor with no memories of the night, only that he’s messed up royally and no longer are his eyes a golden colour, but now a bright red that tells the tales enough of what he’s truly done, and his brothers come in major form to let him know just how angry they are at him

apparently anyway, he’d killed one of his younger brothers in the situation that had unfolded, and soon enough they found him and attacked him, both in wolf and human form they came together to rip up his skin and his body, to attack him completely - but the worst becomes when his oldest brother claws down his face, permanently damaging his right eye and leaving a grotesque scar in it’s wake

but maybe it’s wise when scout pretends he’d dead, pretends to die then and there on the forest floor as he bleeds out for all the wounds as they leave him there

but he doesn’t die. no yongjoon the supposed to be alpha wolf dies, but that is when scout wakes up instead

he goes it alone, runs away and goes off on his own instead because that’s all he can do, though the story of the werewolf that completely destroyed his pack and innocent lives, it becomes well known around the supernatural community - only they think he’s dead

scout isn’t though, and anyone that finds out who he is or what he did, he kills them and adds them to the list of bodies piling up behind his back.. an omega now as a lone wolf, but he doesn’t let it hurt him.. he needs to keep going

ten years ago is when he finds himself walking up to keisung academy, years after the incident and offered a place to enrol.. which he does as he keeps to himself for the most part anyway, or well at first, but it doesn’t take long for him to be initiated into a pack - the new moon pack

he joins them, despite his judgement being against it anyway, though it doesn’t take scout any more than a year to challenge the alpha in the middle of the school courtyard

it isn’t a long fight, and with both in wolf form, it doesn’t take long for scout to rip out the throat of the pack’s alpha.. securing his place instead as the new alpha to not be challenged - in his own defence anyway, the original alpha had been a dick and scout really wasn’t having it

but 9 years later, and he’s still the sole alpha of the new moon pack within keisung, and people have found it wise not to challenge him.. or to question his past which still remains a mystery to all 

but he left for just over a year and he’s only just comin back now ( kinda a lil bit of a wreck too )

also hyunbin is his baby brother if u hurt him he’ll kill u k thx

personality:

he’s like the best kind of leader guy you can have really, like he’s a good alpha despite how intimidating and cold he can come off with it, but his pack does mean a lot to him even if he told himself he’d never let himself get close to another pack again

but he’s aggressive and he lets it show in the fact that he doesn’t hesitate standing his ground and making sure that his orders are followed and his dominance is known

but for the most part, he does still come off as more recluse than anything really, like he is still kind of on the more loner side for his own reasons, but he doesn’t want anyone finding out about his past and i can guarantee it’s not a good idea to question his red eye okay or the massive scar on his face and over his whole body

[wolfwhiteflowers]

ep 6-ish filming spoilers/spec. *twd comic spoilers

I rambled a lot. I also mentioned. SDCC news, Kang articles, Skybound(s9 promo pic) 

It’s a messy post. I wrote it like journal. vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

There’s filming spoilers of Eugene up on the water tower and his foot got stuck..and I guess got outta there. Also maybe a lady there..the casted lady there. Alpha? ..a crew member? idk. He’s up in the water tower similar to comic-Gabe’s uh death. 

Well in the comics, Gabe went up there to look out for any signs of a herd during/ later-ish in the Whisperer war. He’s very new to being a solider and cowardly-like...like Eugene is but not tv-Gabe (oh, also tv-Gabe is partially blind too). So, comic-Gabe saw the huge ass heard coming, freaked out and went down the ladder, his foot got caught in bottom of the ladder. And then a whisperer killed him before Gabe could warn others about the herd and whisperers that are coming to ASZ. 

I’m gonna think it’s not a remixed of that scene. What about the radio (comic Eugene)? Idk anymore.

Ep 6 sounds like a big Eugene episode or he got a lot of outside action stuff in this ep.

-thoughts-I’m thinking of the moment they introduced Georgie in s8 which the lady is similar to Pamela from the Commonwealth. I’m starting to think that TWD writers shouldn’t introduced Georgie or someone that’s similar to this Commonwealth arc in s8. So Idk in s9 the spoilers sound like stuff all from after the time jump and Whisperer War arc. Everything seems rushed. Maybe they’re remixing these plots. Some plots in other seasons were there earlier than the comic storyline. Who knows. But if Eugene has a radio and contacting Stephanie. It’s like different from the comics. The radio plot from Eguene and going to Ohio to find Stephanie -Commonwealth -Michonne’s daughter, Elodie. It was all a mystery. So meeting Georgie ruins the mystery.

-JDM’s haircut! Dang idk anymore! Seems like a lot cast members got groomed lol So, another time-jump? 

-So I guess another Lintz kid will be in TWD or Matt will be teen-Henry! Maybe Henry won’t die(braces). I’m glad.. cos I think that’s important part of Carol’s story, imo.  But Idk for sure who he play as.

-ok so recently TSDF are saying that there will be a time jump based on what i just mentioned. 5 years or so jump based on Matt Lintz possible playing at teen-Henry. Matt is like 5 years older than his bro.

This timejump, I’m like NO. Blah I don’t like it. Is it in ep 6?

 Also ... based on the Skybound tweet, I don’t feel sure about TSDF, it seems like they’re rushing to announce a spoiler, again. I don’t think they got enough info yet..but yeah a lot of cast members are groomed..so I guess time jump is happening. I was like ok with it at first but ...later in the week, I noticed there’s no spoilers on characters grieving on Rick (leaving or dead) and no heads on pikes scene. Idk what’s going on storywise.

-(repeating the same thing) Skybound/TWD tweet. lol “don’t believe what u hear.” Idk what it is about but if it’s about the spoiler on the spoilery script pic, then ???? lol First, TSDF were saying WTF. They’re pretty sure Rick Dies in ep Five.

my comment on the thread.

I'm curious. Did you guys got more info or sources that Rick died in ep 5? Or you guys speculated over on the spoilery script pic?

What if Rick gone missing (like tv-Heath)? It's something that I kind of hope for in the show with AL wanting to leave. I was hoping Rick would go missing and then Michonne and Judith go on a boat to idk Commonwealth after s9.

We don't know much on why AL is leaving and why AMC is keeping a secret and all that. We just have to wait and see.

I hope you guys will get more info soon.

I mainly just want to know how Rick leaves the show. Does he die or go missing? And what about the Grimes fam.? And when?

I guess I was right? TSDF are saying some kind of craziness happening with Rick’s departure like a dumpster-gate. BUT, AL supposedly? got one episode left to film and the news is that he will exit TWD. So ...Rick is still leaving, right? :( I hope he doesn’t die. Back on rollercoaster ride..on hoping for the TWD AU to be good.

-I’m guessing Rick won’t even see this new windmill built. I don’t understand this windmill being built way later. Rick isn’t like “old man Rick” no cane, no windmill, blah.

-The time jump=

...well TSDF may be wrong about all this. Maybe Oceanside is dead or not focused anymore. Young Henry is missing like comic - Elodie or dead. New Lintz teen boy may be playing as a different character. Negan is groomed because from the comics he got groomed..so yeah. 

----if TSDF is right, ...

I get it now(Beth). I guess. Reason why s8 finale didn’t tease or set up for the timejump in s9 because it’s not the big time jump they wanna mention or tease about. Finale still sucked and didn’t excite me for next season. If ep 6 - time jump will happen (5 years) then I guess first 5 ish episodes are about Rick with a hair cut and yeah he’s gone. Maybe Gimple’s plan of s9 is in these 5 episodes and ep 6 is all Angela Kang’s ideas.

I’m so lost on the play of time. Maybe s9A is like FTWD’s recent half season. Idk. 9A goes half of the story is one year later and the other half is 5 years later. Or 1-5 episodes are one year later. 6-8 and on are five years later? Idk 

It’s really bad for Caryl. Idk much on storywise and filming spoilers, but I don’t think whisperers/Alpha does their thing before ep 6. So after the ep 6./5 years time jump, that means Carol ...I guess is in a romantic relationship with Zeke  in Kingdom for 5 or so years. Daryl still single cos wtf idk.. writers don’t say he’s asexual, gay, or whatever from the start. 

Like we already know but yeah really bad for Grimes family. They don’t show characters grieving over him? Michonne ofc is gonna be sad and wtf alone(?) for 5 years. Depressing. ehhh s9 is such crap for Michonne’s story. If Rick doesn’t die but gone missing or taken into the helicopter, then it reminds me of the soapy show Jane the Virgin (spoilers!!!........) where Michael “dies” and a year later he came back fine but had lost his memories and that’s why he didn’t come back earlier. Anyways, with that theory, it still wouldn’t work well with that 5 year time jump (and more). Like if maybe Michonne and Judith went a boat and found Rick after 6 years. That’s nice...? Depressing tho...uh? Then the end for TWD? lol

-5 years is a lot. TWD s1-8 was like 2 years. So...everyone and everything is so different.

---

omg those articles from Kang. sorry but she’s just being like any other showrunner trying to sell her show yada yada. Daryl will have romance? she’s like sure. But remember skybound said nope on s9.  Girl power?She’s like yas.  Skybound said nothing much new with Michonne and Carol. Ofc, it’s not gonna be good plots for the ladies./ It’s all depressing and idk the show doesn’t show them interact anyways.

WTF 

-... when AL finished his filming, I was like uh what to look forward to in the spoilers? sigh. yeah. It’s what it is. S9 is just awful. :\

-I don’t know what Carol is gonna do. MMB is a ninja, people can’t spot her during filming. It’s sad..I don’t know (s9)Carol anymore actually. I wish Carol was single and just idk. I want to know what Carol is like after the war and living in Kingdom (and why live there or show Carol telling TF that’s she’s living there and they still bond with her.) I don’t what Carol is like after 5 years either. I don’t know anything about Carol rn. ...I don’t think there’s much on Carol with Rick/TF. :(

---

SDCC.

ok but first, omg i just wanna see the cast interactions only. I love this lil group. (they’re like my ‘twd players’ and also it’s shippy like. Caryl, Richonne...and used to be-Gleggie)They’re main cast members and they’re like originals of the show plus JDM. But questions and answers..oh boy it’s gonna be awkward and crazy. 

eta. I heard that LC won’t be at the TWD panel. Maybe she will be at the con somewhere else? I’m not sure and it’s probably from her contract with ABC. Anyways, that’s sad...TWD fans won’t see LC at the panel for the last time.

 I realized that we’re gonna learn a lot about s9. Like confirmation on what’s gonna happen in the story. It’s gonna be crazy. They may be like Caryl is always just friends.duuuuh.durrrr.  TWD is not Rick’s story. durrr. Maybe, Rick (and Maggie) isn’t gonna diiiiiee ;) ep 5, he dies. SIGH.

I heard AL is gonna announce that’s he’s leaving the show. That’s nice, imo. I like to know if the actor will leave or not that kind of stuff. I don’t want this big surprise death or whatever.  Idk. whatever AL  want to or will do. I just want writers/AMC to treat their fans with respect. 

-------------------------

So um ..I just feel that s9 is actually crappy. It’s all AU to me in the first place, and that even as AU-onscreen, it still sucks. :\ So yeah give me fanarts and fic pls.

 I hope the actors and others have fun at SDCC. I hope s9 isn’t that bad but well I don’t think so. (not planning to watch it either so.) 

I’m still waiting what s9A will be like and does Rick dies or not. 

[richardxathas-blog]

Introducing my newest baby : Richard Athas, King of Athens, Witch, 33, Oldest Sibling in the Athas family. Professional ConMan.

Yes,if you read the end of that introductory subtitle you read that last job label description right.

For yes, my baby here is in fact an imposter. He isn’t the real Richard Athas. He is merely posing and pretending to be him. And the rest of the Athas family has no clue about it!! (yes, he’s job occupation may or may not have been vry lowkey inspired by Neal Caffrey frm White Collar)

But fret not, he is and this is a very fun fact *drumroll* a true Athas child.He has Athas bloodline running thru him frm dear old dad. yup, he is the illegitimate first child of the old and previous Athas King.. Which ofc makes him a half-sibling to the rest of the Athas children in here.

What happened was that, he was the product of a one-night stand between his mother (a witch) and his royal dad, the old King Athas, a couple of yrs before the old King Athas got married to the old Queen Athas (mom of Shiloh and gang ;)) When his mom found out she was pregnant with the king’s baby she kept taht a secret from him as it was just a one-night mistake and she didn’t want to cause any big trouble, scandal or ruin his life as he was already betrothed to someone from another royal family. So she fled Greece and came to the US and shortly after gave birth to a startling bright-blue eyed & healthy baby boy which she named Sebastian and gave him her own maiden surname.

Growing up, poor Seb nvr really got much maternal love or outpouring of affection from his mother. Sure she did care about him and truly loved her son in her own way, but she just wasn’t very good at showing her affections. He was a v bright young boy so he sorta figured out that she did love him as she took care of him, protected him, ensured his welfare at all times and guided him in harnessing his magic powers and everything, but still he longed for some properly caring outer displays of lovng affection. he saw other boys being warmly hugged by their mother s and he wanted that too, (as my poor baby is lowkey quite a loving boy at heart and just wants to love & be loved outwardly). His mom however was a pretty strict woman tho she did genuinely talk in a lil bit of caring tone whenever he was upset. She just ain’t that good with PDA. Plus, she was a single working mom, so y’know, she does get stressed easily or upset sometimes.

She nvr once told him about his dad, despite him asking about his father quite persistently when he was a young boy. She instead chose to keep her mouth shut and all she ever told him abt his dad’s identity was tht some things are better left unsaid & a mystery and they were MUCH BETTER off without him at all. She refused to budge an inch on telling him his true history (selfish woman :p) so eventually by the time he entered his teens he gave up asking and instead summarized by himself that his dad probably didn’t want them and maybe his mom was right, they were indeed better off without him. (that was a hard bitter pill for my poor baby to swallow :’()

However despite whatever inner emotional turmoil he had, he did grow up to be a healthy, extremely bright and outgoing, quite warm and friendly guy. He was ALSO SUPER CHARMING AND KNEW EXACTLY THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY (COS HE WAS QUITE OBSERVANT, PERCEPTIVE & TOOK NOTE OF ALL MOST EVERYTHING), so that made him quite popular with everyone he met, esp. with the ladies XD

Due to that realization of his glib tongue and how charming he could be, combined with his extraordinary memory skills (he’s got quite an eidetic/photographic memory), he then stumbled on what kind of job he wanted to do : be a conman. He had a love for the far more luxurious lifestyle of the upper class(he was pretty envious of them growing up tbh) & due to his low-class lifestyle of some days struggling to get by, he nvr wanted to experience that again as an adult. Due to his mom’s nagging and insistence, he did enroll into college and with his bright brains he did graduate with a business degree(heheXD) tho he lowkey nvr wanted to enter the biz world, slog hard and climb up the ladder slowly to success. his mom died vry soon after his graduation, and after an average period of mourning and grieving her death, he then left  the small city he was staying in and went on to bigger cities. He wanted wealth and a comfortable life and he wanted it fast.

Thus for the next few years, he did odd jobs at first while mingling with some petty criminals and learning the tricks of the trade. Once he was sure he had gotten the knack of things, he then started planning his schemes and con jobs. Slowly but surely he became very sucessfull at what he did, which was partly helped by the fact that he was a witch so his magic came in handy half the time.

He also had perfected the trick of disguising himself and passing off as many different people or going under diff aliases. His best magical ability of all time, was glamour magic, where he could using magical glamour spells/potions to change his outer appearance to look like someone else or look different .

It was during one of his big schemes and con-job that he fatefully bumped into the real Richard Athas, some months ago. he had planned a vry difficult plan of robbing someone who lived in an expensive hotel. he had just sucessfully taken  priceless and highly valueble artifact, when he was caught by Richard Athas. After several seconds of stunned silence and shock of them both staring at each other, COS THEY BOTH UNCANNILY LOOK A LOT ALIKE , LIKE 95% OF SIMiLIAR PHYSICAL FEATURES, Sebastian then shook his head and took off but unfortunately for him, Richard gave chase and with some help from his bodyguards Richard then sucessfully caught Sebastian.

After some through  interrogation which involved a bit of magic, Richard then was hit by a bright idea.  He was at that time, currently hding out 100% incognito as there had been an assaination attempt on his life a month prior, which was kept hush-hush from his family as he didnt want to upset them, and instead he had opted to take off to travel around, under the guise that he wanted to spare some time to take a break and restore his health. Unlike Sebastian, Richard didnt have a very healthy physical health history so all his siblings beleived his false excuse and he left Greece a couple fof weeks ago. And now upon meeting Sebastian, he this then had a plan to make a deal with him. he wouldn’t turn Sebastian over to the authorities, as he was a pretty wanted figure for his sucessful theivery(tho none of the authorities knew could put a name or actual true face to this elusive conman til now) and in return , Sebastian was going to help him uncover the culprits behind his assasination attempt. Ricard was desperate the solve the case fast. for he feared that they might come after him again or his dear family members or he even suspected that maybe some bigger scheme of things were afoot behind all this.

Reluctantly and left with no other choice at that moment, Sebastian agreed. He then left with that real King Richard (yes he was already King at that time, as dear ol dad Athas had already passed away some years ago). They both then travelled around secretly with richard’s entourage and small pack of bodyguards. For the next 2 months, they began working on Richard’s plan. He was absolutely certain that the assasins were gonna make another attempt on his life again, probs in Romania,  so he decided that Sebastian would go to Colivie in his place, disguised as him while Richard would accompany him as his personal bodyguard under a completely diff disguise. Ofc, my baby initially refused that plan at first as he didnt want to die :P, but Richard countlessly assured him that everything was going to be fine as Richard would be able to stay in a background and together with a few of his most trusted bodyguards and personal detectives, they would be able to have a better eagle view of observing everything and everyone  at every minute of fake Richard (Sebastian)’s day. So finally my baby Seb acquiesced despite his doubts.

During that 2 months, Seb spent the whole time studying Richard very thoroughly and and perfecting his whole inside and outside disguise of Richard. This was a dangerous scheme of things so everything had to absolutely perfect, down to how Richard tied his shoelaces, coughed or how he made a joke. He also had to memorize every single info and detail of all the Athas sibings and Richard’s friends who he might bump into while at Colivie. At the same time, equally perceptive Richard, was also studying Seb and had been investigating secretly on the side of Sebastian origins. When his investigators finally found out that Seb was actually his unknown-half-brother, Richard then confronted a clueless Seb about the the facts. There was a slight change in their relationship then , as initially that had slowly bonded a little due to quite  meshing personalities as they had spent a LOT of time together, but now that Richard knew that Seb was his brother, the family-loving and generous young king wanted nothing better than to quickly welcome him back to Athens, introduce him to their siblings and secure his right as an Athas prince. (he def couldn’t be king cos illegitimate yo). However, Seb blatantly refused Richard’s offer over and over again and refused all Richard’s attempts at brotherly bonding. He didn’t want a family, he didnt NEED  a family or siblings as he had grown up fine without them, or so he thought. He just wanted to do the current job, complete the deal, and leave & nvr see Richard again. (actually my baby verrrryyy lowkey deep down inside,wants to know what’s it like to feel needed, loved and have siblings and a proper family, butttt due to his late mom & he convincing himself all over the past many years growing up that he was better off alone, he would thus, NEVER EVER ADMIT THIS TINY BURIED LONGING, YET..XD)

After that full 2 months had passed, both guys thought everything was ready for their plan to commence and for Sebastian to go out in the open disguised as “Richard”.  However, one horribly disastrous night, the Richard was accidentally killed in another assassination attempt. I say “accidentally” cos he actually was about to survive unscathed again, but to the events of that night, he risked his life to save Sebastian who was about to die soon, cos good pure soul Richard loves his half-brother already, and thus, a slight mishap happened in the process of saving Sebastian, and real king Richard died. ( i have the whole story in my head of that night of how richard died but, i wont torture u guys to read this lengthy bio any longer than necessary. but if anyone wants to know u can IM me anytime ;))

Poor Sebastian  was then riddled with some grief and an immense amount of survivors guilt. he misplacedly blamed himself fully for Ricahrd dying cos he thinks that if Richard hadn;t turned back to save him, Richard would still be alive. Struggling with that horrible guilt, he then was 100% determined to still continue with Richard’s plan and this time, he wouldn’t give up till he was able to bring the guilty party to justice for Richard. And thus he has arrived at Colivie now, to act 100% as “King Richard” along with a few of Richard’s most trusted bodyguards. He is going to go along with the betrothal/ arranged marriage stuff /process but he wil do his upmost best to discreetly delay the wedding till he is able to solve the case. Once that goal is accomplished, then only he will reveal the horrible truth to the rest of the Athas siblings about everything and then instantly leave and nvr cross their paths ever again,  cos he didn’t think he deserved to be there at all or to even be an Athas.

3 weeks later after Richard’s death, Seb is finally here at Colivie. He is now portraying all of King Richard’s outer attitudes, behaviours and personality traits as best as he can. This being,  a friendly, v loving, warm, very fair minded, rational, engaging and humble and very good-hearted & very well-mannered & romantic as well as being 100% diplomatic with every single royal (Sebastian is groaning a lot at this last part tbh XD). he’s also  using the glamouring magic which he is good at to make himself look 100% fully like Richard. Like i said earlier they both share 95% of vry similar and somewhat identical physical features, but the only small differences is that Seb is taller, has a diff nose and a slightly different pitch of voice. BUt with a little magic glamouring spell. Seb is magically able to transform his out appearance to look 100% Richard so the Athas family here won’t suspect a single thing. Seb is an expert liar by now so that helps too XD

[jungnoir]

ghost!bambam;

a while back @seoulscapes sent me this text post and said this would be ghost!bambam and this idea was always a cute what if...... and then someone requested it

and how could i refuse our bby bam?

ok ok so background on bambam’s death: he died way too young

he was in college and had just been accepted into the frat of his dreams

he was basically living the life

but some dumbass in the frat thought that bambam wasn’t “ride or die” enough so the head of the frat acquiesced bc obviously the reputation of the frat was on the line and he couldn’t have any of his pledges getting in easy peasy

obviously

so they decided to gave him one more trial, a quickie that barely meant anything to them at all 

even bam himself was like “lol that’s easy”

the trial was to enter this old house in the neighborhood and to retrieve a well hidden letterman jacket, the jacket that new pledges get once they’d passed all the tests

the head of the frat sent the dumbass with the genius idea to hide it, and that guy and his friend made sure to make it unrealistically hard for bambam

they placed it in the attic, where there were countless holes and creaky floorboards and basically the whole thing is a death trap nightmare

but bambam is super confident!!! he’s like hell yeh imma get in there and imma find that jacket and im gonna look so cool to the prez of the frat that he’ll throw me a party in my honor and thank me on his knees for even considering his frat

he got ahead of himself obviously but i digress

at first, bambam was sure he could find it

he searched everywhere, high and low, and the longer it took him to search the more frustrated he and the frat brothers got

after a while, the brothers decided to head back, and if bam could bring the jacket by morning then he was in

bam had searched every area of the abandoned house and finally he had reached the attic, which had been ~mysteriously~ left open

he decides it wouldn’t hurt to check and goes up, flashing his phone light to see the jacket all the way across the attic, practically waiting for him like treasure to a pirate

he scrambles up, not even thinking about watching his step

and not even a few feet later, he’s got the jacket in hand, but he collapses right through the floor

honestly, a lot of people had fallen through the attic before, leaving with nothing more serious than a broken bone or two, but it’s not bambam’s lucky day

he happens to step in the worst spot, and it sends him falling from the high open ceiling above the front door, falling three stories and hitting the ground with a sickening crack

he was dead on impact

the frat brothers didn’t see bam the next day, or the day after that, so most of them assumed bam got hurt or chickened out after not finding it

until a few days later when some students passing by the house noticed a foul smell

the police were called and bam was found, and the frat brothers were so surprised that they didn’t dare speak a word of it to anyone

it looked like a frat kid playing around, and got too brave and ended up dead

it was a tragic case, and the campus mourned for months

bambam didn’t quite realize his ghostly self until a week after the incident, when he found himself staring out of one of the bedroom windows, laying on the floor with the letterman jacket around his shoulders

he was super confused, wondering if the fall had been a dream and he had just passed out in a random room or something

he leaves the house shortly after, and sees one of his frat brothers

he goes to greet him, to gloat about finally passing all the tests, but as soon as bambam walks up to him the frat brother walks straight through him

so bambam really starts freaking out and thinks that he’s drunk, and starts yelling at the frat brother for help or something but

nothing

no one can hear him

and it seems like no one can see or feel him either

it’s only when he gets to the frat house that he sees a vigil still up, filled to the brim with fresh flowers and a small stand that says “for bambam, may he rest in peace”

it’s so unbelievable that all he can do is break down and cry, scream for anyone who might realize he’s there, but after a while his cries grow less and less, and suddenly he’s confined himself to the house of which he died in, spending every day alone and depressed

he slowly learns that he can still be helpful, and whenever stupid teenagers try to sneak in for fun, he always scares them off before they can

the least he can do, he thinks, is keep others from meeting his fate too

so for months, it’s all he’s used to

the solitude grows so suffocating that bambam actually thinks he’ll go mad, but then you show up

you’re new, with ripped jeans and dirty sneakers and your hair pulled out of your face

you’ve got a clipboard in hand and glasses on the tip of your nose as you make your way inside, taking a step every few feet and scribbling something on your paper

he’s learned that he can appear and disappear to those he wants, all he has to do is focus

so he keeps invisible and stays behind you, being careful not to startle you as he reads over your shoulder

and sure enough, he finds out that you’re a real estate agent

“this place is a lawsuit waiting to happen. no wonder that kid died here” you mumble under your breath, and bambam forgets to conceal himself, his eyes widening as he appears before you with a finger pointed at himself

“me?!” he shouts

you’re so frightened you scream and tumble back, but bambam is fast and grabs you by the waist before you can hurt yourself, his face knitted into an expression of concern

as soon as he sets you upright, you’re scrambling to get away from him, looking around for any signs of him coming in, but it’s like he appeared out of thin air

and he looks strangely familiar, but you just can’t place it

clutching over your heart with a heavy breath, you narrow your eyes at him and level your clipboard to defend yourself just in case “who are you and what are you doing here, kid?”

and bambam is highkey offended like

kid?? he’s- well, he was going to turn 21 soon

folding his arms over his chest, he pouts, “i could ask you the same thing. don’t you know this place is off limits since that... ya know... incident?”

he tries his best to sound authoritative and to have the upper hand in the situation but you catch on quick “it’s off limits to the general public, a public of which i am not apart of. i’m a real estate agent and i’m supposed to be casing this place for repairs. it’s gonna be hard to sell, what with the history behind it, but some people like stuff like that”

for some reason, bambam feels like he’s being intruded upon

like how could you just come in and take this place from him? he had nowhere else to go

it was already hell being on his own, he didn’t want to know what it would be like trying to avoid actual people living in the same place he lost his life

and it wasn’t like he could just relocate. his spirit was forever tied to that place, and even though he could go to some places, he could only go so far before his spirit would weaken and he’d be forced to return

“you don’t wanna do that. honestly, it’d be a better idea if you just left me- i mean, it alone”

he hopes you don’t catch on to his slip up but you’ll be damned if you ignore it

“you? what, do you come here to avoid your parents or something, kid? look, i’d suggest you find somewhere less dangerous to spend your time. isn’t it a bit early in the morning to be here anyway?” 

you continue to keep interrogating him, fretting over him like a child, and bambam is finding it really hard to keep his cool

he obviously can’t outright say he’s dead and has nowhere to go, but you don’t seem to be shutting up any time soon

in the middle of your spiel about how “back in your day” you rebelled too, you reach a hand out to grab him, but 

your hand...goes right through him

while he was getting worked up about you, he hadn’t been focusing on how his body was slowly fading in and out of its solid state

you kinda just stand there, fingers hovering right where his palm and the bones of his hand should stop you, his skin translucent and bordering on transparent

you think your eyes are playing tricks on you so you move your hand up toward his chest, and it solidifies under your touch as you let out a relieved sigh

but then you don’t feel anything under your fingertips

you place your hand right over his heart and feel nothing, not a steady beat or even his chest rising and falling to take in a damn breath

it’s just cold skin under a cold, thin tee shirt, and the boy before you is looking at you like he’s been waiting for you to notice

“what... why are... where is your heartbeat?” “i don’t very well need one if i’m dead, do i?”

suddenly the familiarity hits you, and all those months ago when you’d first seen his face on tv, the tragic case of a college kid who’d lost his life in the very house you were in

you let out a choked scream, but it’s barely loud enough to startle the birds out in the backyard

he just watches with raised eyebrows as you stumble back, your eyes widened in fright and your hand over your mouth 

“y-you died! here! you’re a ghost!” you keep repeating to yourself, trying to find your sanity

yet all he can do is sigh, shoving his hands deep into his pockets, “i’ve been aware, captain obvious. and i can’t go anywhere else, so you can’t sell this house” he tells you, walking up to you and grabbing your arm to keep you steady, just in case you fell again

when you’ve seemed to calm down a few minutes later, you level a glare at him and shove his arm off, “i can’t just tell my boss that this house is off limits because it’s haunted. i’ll sound like a lunatic” “bring your boss here. i’ll scare the shit out of him, hm? problem solved”

but no matter what he says, you stand firm in your decision that the house has to go, and that he’ll just have to deal with it

after all, what was the worst he could really do?

lmao

had you been a lil wiser, you might’ve not asked the question

the months spent fixing up the house were torture for you

from tripping up carpenters, throwing screwdrivers at windows and using red paint to draw ominous messages on the walls, bambam refuses to back down

and the worst thing is, it seems like you’re the only one he’s allowing see him

bambam: *in the middle of drawing a pentagram on the floor* don’t sell the house

you: *furiously painting over the remaining drawings of “666″ and “the antichrist lives here”* fuck off

he’s so??? infuriating?? and he’s dead which makes it ten times as bad bc he never gets tired

but despite his efforts (and there were plenty), the house soon gets fixed up into a livable state, and it’s up to you to begin decorating and getting the house sold

and after a while, you become used to bambam

it took a while for you to formally introduce yourselves to each other, and while it was a bit,,,,, stiff, you both had since come to an agreement

he would comply and let the house be sold, staying out of the way, but he would pick the tenants

so reluctantly, you accepted

bad idea of course but ANYWAY

he’s picky about everything

“i don’t like them, too many kids” “but they only have one??” “one too many”

“no old people, i’m the only one who’s gonna haunt this place goddamn it”

“the wife hates dogs???? what the hell!!”

no matter who you bring in, he hates them all

if you find it hard deterring the tenants from taking the place after his disapproval, he’ll start banging pots in the kitchen, or randomly screaming from different parts of the house, or creating shadows to scare people away

he’s always finding something bad about each one, and as the days stretch on, your boss starts getting on you about selling the place, seeing as he’s put so much money into making it even slightly desirable after bambam’s death

after one particularly taxing day, you find yourself curled up on the bed upstairs, blanket tucked in comfortably around you as you come to

bambam is there next to you, staring up at the ceiling as you flip over in bed to face him

you ask him how long you’ve been asleep, and he tells you it’s only been a few hours, but it’s dark out

you’re halfway up and out of bed, mumbling that you should probably head home, when you feel bambam scoot a little closer

and then you feel his breath on your shoulder, and in surprise, you turn, coming face to face with bambam

he looks a lot different than usual, a sad look to his usually peppy disposition

“would it be... strange... if you stayed the night? i mean, you leave snacks in the pantry since you’re practically here from sun up to sun down, and the bed is comfortable, and i... i’d really like some company”

and it’s crazy, but you find yourself staying

he spills to you about his life that night, telling you all about how his life had been before he died, how he had tried to check up on his family but hadn’t been able to get very far, and about his plans for the future

you get an idea and give him your phone, and he pulls up the social media of all his family members, spending hours just pointing out the silly posts they’d made, showing you the instagram pics that he had taken with them in the past, and reading their eulogies to him

“thank you for that... i’ve always wondered how they’d been” he tells you, watching with fondness as you struggle to keep your eyes open much longer, you mumbling out a quiet reply of “of course”

quietly, he tucks you back into the bed and lays a soft kiss on your forehead, and had he been alive, his cheeks would’ve flushed at the contact

from that day forward, you start to feel closer to bambam

you two share stories of your lives, you being a young but somewhat lonely real estate agent, telling him about how you felt like your life was going nowhere fast

he comforts you, talking to you through work stress, or letting you drink your worries away with him after a bad date (the alcohol passes right through him, and he’s thankful for that seeing as when he was alive he was a terrible lightweight)

he becomes someone in your life that you don’t think you could live without, much to your shock

it’s a rainy night and you’re still finding yourself spending time with bambam, a bottle of soju in hand as you both talk about your day when he suddenly goes, “why don’t you live here? i think you’re the only person i could tolerate being around all day”

he half expects you to laugh it off, but as you swish the contents of the bottle back and forth with a thoughtful expression, his heart clenches

with hope??? maybe

“i’ve thought about it, actually. but i don’t know... that’s a pretty big step just to hang out with annoying ol’ you” you tease, nudging your foot into his side as he grins

“just think of me as a cool, dead roommate. when you’re away, i’ll guard the house. and i can keep up with chores and keep the place warm. i can even make you dinner”

the more bambam talks, the more the idea becomes appealing

and it’s true, you’re the only person bambam could stand

in fact, you’re the only person bambam would want

the amount of times he’s dreamt of coming home to you, embracing you and spending his nights with you every night like this, being able to see you in your warm, relaxed state... it makes him a lil thankful to whomever had put him here

because if he had continued to live the life he had before, he would have never met you

and he misses his family, but he knows they’re okay

he’s at peace, he’s content, and it’s all thanks to you

there’s something more there, he thinks, but he knows it’s wishful thinking

yet as you lean into him, your warm breath brushing his arm as you mull over your thoughts, such wishful thinking doesn’t seem so distant

“if i move in... you’ve got to promise not to pop in on me in the shower and stuff” “hm, no promises”

his fingers curl around yours as you hit him with your other hand, laughing melodically into his ear

“you’re terrible” you grumble, snuggling that much closer to him as you both watch the stars through the window

“mhm. love you” he mumbles, drawing his lip between his teeth as your heart stutters 

your eyes dart to his even if only for a moment, your cheeks flushing in bashfulness

you breathe out, feeling his gaze on your face as you try to remind yourself just who you’re talking to, and what situation he’s in, “love you too... kid”

because it’s obvious

having feelings for him would be weird. it wouldn’t make sense. it would only end in heartbreak if he ever moved on to the afterlife, or if you ever found someone to start a family with. it was wishful thinking. it wouldn’t amount to anything...

...right?

you can’t really find the heart to believe yourself as his fingers squeeze around yours, and the night fades into warm hearts and stargazing, the promise of something strange, something good lingering right between you two as you drift into lovely daydreams of a boy who was just a little bit different from the rest

other ghost!got7

ghost!youngjae

ghost!jaebum

imaginary friend!mark

spirit!yugyeom

goblin!jinyoung

[tumblunni]

hey guess what I played Don’t Starve again and predictably continued to use only Webber and get fifty bazillion feels about Webber and hey u guys wanna hear me constantly talk about Webber

seriously its SO UNFAIR that this guy just exists as a character skin in some random survival procgen world game and NOBODY GETS ANY DAMN STORY yet they give us really tantalizing one line story summaries and the REALLY ENDEARING thing of each character having different dialogue for item descriptions. Which is also their ONLY GODDAMN DIALOGUE! why why why WHY did you make such a good story charrie concept thinger if you were never gonna use it GAHHHHH

okay so anyway THIS IS HE

WHAT A CUTIE PATOOT AMIRITE YO??

and he has SUCH AN INRIGUING AND SAD AND COOL PREMISE he’s the absolute champion of creepycute, cos he’s not only a spoopy spider monster with the innocence of a child but also literally he was a regular human child once who got the most tragic life ever his super short tantalizingly vague summary is ‘webber the indigestable’, and like.. all we know is that He Very Much Died, and Now He Is Spide he was killed by some spider monsters and came back as this spooky AF form

tho srsly man HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK YO like i’ve seen people drawing super grimdark fanart of him being like springtrap from five nights at freddies, i.e like he opens his mouth and he has a whole dessicated skull inside. like he’s quite literally walking around in the skin of the monster that ate him, however the fuck that’s supposed to work... I really don’t like that version, so WHATEVER lets have A BUNCH OF OTHER BUNNI THEORIES!

* It’s more like the spider absorbed the memories of the kid? Like, his bones are out there somewhere and its just that his conciousness was transferred into the thing that killed him/its got a case of mistaken identity and thinks that its him. * He’s sorta like a ghost that possessed it? Was trying so hard to survive that his soul lingered around, and it just works different to the other ghost character in the roster since he’s possessing a non-human creature. he gets majority control instead of floating around as a support * He’s more like a zombie or demon or general corrupted creature? like, he just rose from the grave and took on this particular shape cos of how he died, rather than this being an actual fusion of him and the spider that killed him. * Its like a werewolf thing??? He wasn’t really killed but just got bit and turned into a thing?? I dunno. * His backstory isn’t meant to be something that happened prior to the start of the game, but you literally see it happening right there. I mean you unlock webber by finding his skull while playing as another character, and if you bury it then it turns into him. So its like he woke up as a zombie cos you gave him a kind burial, but because his remains were intermingled with those of the thing that killed him they got all mixed up and revived as a single creature. And I guess that spider just went off and died offscreen shortly after eating him? or maybe it choked on him, cos seriously an entire human skull sounds hard to swallow XD

anyway HOWEVER THAT WEIRD PREMISE IS SUPPOSED TO WORK, its really intriguing and seems to imply a lot of Deep Traumatic Sads and it sucks that we don’t get a full plot exploring this and I’m just left feeling weird for having tearjerker fanfic ideas for a goddamn minimal dialogue simulation game >_> cos I mean MAN its just so interesting thinking about it from his perspective!! cos webber is just so nice and innocent still!! he barely seems to understand what happened to him, and he’s stuck in a big scary world and like.. the scariest part somehow became the only comfort to him, like DEAR GOD he has so much great characterization from these tiny snippets of dialogue! he just loves the spiders so damn much, he’s like ‘don’t worry i forgive u’ and he’s so happy to make friends with this big ol spoopy forest of monster things that literally killed him. and then all his unique gameplay powers revolve around that, all the spider enemies refuse to attack him ever again and he has supportive abilities to generate new hives and upgrade existing ones and just generally Sweet Doom Boy He Lovv He Friendes and i’m SO EMOTIONALLLL

and its also intriguing how the game handles his status as a fusion creature? he’s got a unique syntax thing of referring to himself as both ‘we’ and ‘me’ at the same time. I just found it quite cool when i figured out that there actually was a consitant set of rules about this! He’s generally ‘we’ but then says ‘me’ whenever something only applies to one half of his memories. Like you’d assume ‘me’ is the boy and ‘him’ is the spider, but webber casually swaps it around all the time and its like its always both of them talking even in this situation. He isn’t really two personalities but just one fused one that can remember being two people, i guess? Its a little confusing to hear him being like ‘i don’t hold a grudge against me for killing me’ but a very unique speaking pattern is an endearing trait for a character!

oh and MAN I WISH THEY FOLLOWED UP ON ANY OF THESE BACKSTORY HINTS!!! cos some of his dialogue references him living on a goat farm with a dad and a grandpa back when he was human? and we have NO IDEA how this completely ordinary adorable kid got teleported to Fuckin Hell World, or whether he’ll ever see his family again T_T Closest thing we get to an idea is him saying ‘we don’t like him, he tricked us’ at a statue of the game’s main villain, even though none of the alternate characters have any story dialogue and we only know that mr default man wilson had a history with the villain. So do all the alternate characters also have a personal grudge with him and we’ve just never been told what happened? Also there’s the fan theory that mr default man is actually webber’s father, and I dunno if thats true but I love seeing fanart of them as adoptive family even if they didnt know each other before they got trapped here.

but also just AAAAA webber’s plot WEBBER’S PLOT seriously its so fucking dark and has so much Potential and just THINK about this poor kid’s perspective on this dark souls shit that happened to him its depressingly realistic that the game adds a kid hero to the mix and then his plot is ‘yeah no a kid would die instantly in this kind of situation, and he did’ I mean there’s one other child character but she had ghost superpowers before the game even started, and her personality is all grim and practical and such. webber acts super young and innocent and was probably the lil teacher’s pet shy cutie type when he was alive. HE HAD ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE T_T

SO JUST IMAGINE JUST IMAGINE THIS TRAGIC SHIT

you’re tiny tiny baby friend and you fall thru some random portal some day and instead of a magical adventure in a fairytale world you get Grim As Fuck Nintendo Hard Survival Game imagine how terrified he must have been, all huddled up cold and starving under a big leaf like totoro crying for his grandpa to save him and then he gets eaten alive by some other starving creature in this hell world and then he wakes up like ‘wow what a weird dream’ and he has to claw his way out of a grave first ray of sunlight hits his freaky gnarled monster hands and his tiny child brain must be terribly unequipped to handle that kind of revelation... let alone the identity crisis of Yes I Am Part Of The Spider Horde and possibly Wow I Remember Eating My Own Brain

and its just... really oddly sweet and heartwarming that he’s friends with the spiders now?? like that makes me wonder how that played out when he first woke up. Imagine the poor kid seeing a whole bunch of the same thing that killed him and he flinches thinking they’re gonna attack, but then they scuttle up and hug him. And he sees his reflection in a puddle and realizes he’s one of them too, and now he’s not so alone anymore. I mean its not the same as getting his family back, but he has someone protecting him now. Scary things aren’t so scary when you’re scary too! And like.. there’s all different tiers of the spider enemy, and what if the big queen boss one became a mother figure to him? And what if he acts as a translator to them and helps them make friends with humans? And tells them stories about his family and they try and mimic human family things in their own lil spidery way, to make him feel welcome? *wearing tiny ties and hats* ‘We love our strangely shaped child and respect his differences’ I just wanna see slice of life adventures of the spide swarm!!

also AAAA i just thought about what if the game ever got a proper conclusion and webber manages to escape back home it probably wouldn’t be an easy happy ending :( farm grandpa finds some terrifying spider thing haunting his farm, might even freak out and shoot his own grandson T_T or even if he recognised him, the kid’s probably not gonna be able to go back to a normal life. his family would have to try and keep him secret, lest the pitchfork-wielding mobs attack... and even if somehow it was possible for webber to be cured, that’d be sad too cos he’d have to leave all his spider friends forever. and he could never be cured of the mental scars T_T

also yo HAHAHA you wanna know the absolute saddest random item description dialogue I got while playing as him? he asks skeletons ‘are you okay’ and ‘i think he’s sleeping’ because yknow he just woke up the next day, when he died T_________________T

webberrrrrrrrr :(

god i am trapped in a glass case of emotion