#laura's top moments 2019

[katelynnwrites]

One Single Thread Of Gold (Tied Me To You) | Laura Freigang x Sydney Lohmann

warnings: not proof read oopsie

word count: 4151

summary: the invisible string theory is the idea that those who are destined to meet will meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. sydney and laura are two such people.

a/n: no i don't ship them together in real life, i just wanted to write this <3

Contrary to what most people think, Laura and Sydney have not known each other for that long.

Really, they’d only met in 2019.

Sydney had been trying to lock down her position on the senior team for a year when Laura got called up for the first time.

Of course, they had both heard about each other before that.

Laura had heard all about the younger midfielder who’s already becoming known as somewhat of a generational talent and the Bayern Munich player had heard all about the striker who is working her way up the Frauen Bundesliga’s top scorers list.

Like the sun orbiting the Earth, the Eintracht Frankfurt player and Sydney have been orbiting each other.

The two year age difference had kept them from meeting while on the youth teams, with Laura always being one age group ahead.

As fate would have it, one of them had always been out injured with one thing or another when their clubs played each other.

So it’s with nothing but knowledge of each other’s reputations that they meet.

And right away Sydney is sure that Laura is and will forever be the prettiest girl she has ever seen.

There was just something about her nervous energy and shy demeanor that pulled Syd in.

She was standing hesitantly to the side of the group, not really knowing anyone and not really being brave enough to approach just yet.

Ever the social butterfly, Syd separates from her Bayern teammates and walks up to Laura right away.

‘Hallo’ She greets.

The forward jumps slightly, having been startled by Sydney’s sudden presence.

‘Sorry h-hi. Hello.’ Laura stammers.

She holds out her hand and the midfielder grins, sticking out her own hand to shake Laura’s.

Laura who gets so lost in the Bayern player’s hazel eyes and brilliant smile that she doesn’t let go of Sydney’s hand.

It takes her at least a full minute to realise her mistake and when she does, she hurriedly drops Syd’s hand.

‘Fuck I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I thought about giving you a hug but I didn’t want to seem too forward and so I decided on a handshake but I think that’s too German of me? Doesn’t matter though, I made it awkward and now you must think I’m the weirdest person ever.’ Laura rambles, her cheeks rapidly growing redder and redder.

Sydney laughs, a bright melodic sound.

‘Not at all but we can start over if you’d like?’

‘T-That would be nice.’

The midfielder giggles again, ‘Hi I’m Syd and it’s really nice to meet you.’

‘Hey I’m Laura. It’s lovely to meet you too.’ The older player softly says.

A smile tugs on her lips and then Sydney unexpectedly pulls Laura into a tight hug, whispering in her ear, ‘And it’s not too much to hug.’

As the Eintracht Frankfurt player melts into the taller woman’s embrace, she notes that Sydney smells like a smell she had long forgotten existed.

She can’t even describe what the smell is like, all she knows is that at some point in her childhood she had smelt it and remembered feeling safe.

One could say that Sydney smells kinda like home to her.

******

The younger blonde doesn’t know what it is about striker but she just clicks with her.

They get along so well that after their first few camps together, anyone would think they have known each other for a lifetime.

Syd is aware that she’s been smitten with Laura from the very first moment they met.

She’s accepted that.

What she is finding completely out of her depth is the way the Eintracht Frankfurt player pays attention to her.

Laura is always watching, always listening and she catalogues her knowledge of Sydney like it’s her favourite thing to do.

She remembers the Munich native’s coffee order, her habits and what comforts her.

The striker focuses particularly on what makes Sydney happy.

Favourite flower, favourite books, favourite type of food. Laura knows it all.

And when Sydney questions it, the older woman simply replies, ‘Isn’t that what friends do?’

She says it so confidently and so easily that the blonde midfielder believes it.

She lets herself believe it for a long time.

Days turn into weeks, then months and eventually years.

Time is a curious thing. It gave no compasses and no signs as to when things would change between Sydney and Laura.

It is really not till the Euros in England that Sydney picks up on a clue that Laura may view her as more than just a friend.

Losing the final to the Lionesses is a hard blow but their team is determined to celebrate their own success.

So they throw a party in their hotel and the younger blonde is entirely surprised when the striker turns up in her jersey.

She’d not thought much of it when Laura had asked for one of her jerseys, simply thinking that the Eintracht Frankfurt player wanted it for her collection. She knows that Laura likes to swap jerseys.

But for all of their teammates and family members to be dressed up nicely and the forward to be aware of the fact and still make the decision to rep her name?

Well Sydney is starstruck by it.

She cannot stop looking at Laura who is dancing and bopping around to the loud music. She’s the life of the party.

She might have been shy when they initially met but now that she’s comfortable around the team, her outgoing personality is really shining through.

Some part she didn’t know existed inside of her loves her last name on the former Penn State player’s back.

Laura had paired the home jersey with light washed jeans and done her hair up in a messy bun. The midfielder appreciates the sliver of exposed skin on the taller woman’s stomach, courtesy of the way she has the top tucked up.

Her Olympus film camera is on its lanyard around her body.

That film camera had gone everywhere with the forward during their Euros journey and as Sydney continues being mesmerised by Laura, she comes to the startling realisation that she has been the main subject of Laura’s viewfinder.

She’d not thought about it before but now, she can’t help but think about every instance where Laura had taken a photo of her.

Casual photos of her in her street clothes, candid ones of her after games and simple ones where it was just her being herself in their hotel room.

Were there other clues that she didn’t see? And if so, how many?

Still, Laura doesn’t say anything or make a move so neither does Sydney. Even if Laura’s smile gives her butterflies and lights up her day.

******

The slightly older of the pair thinks time is mystical.

She’s known Sydney for four years now and it seems like no time has passed.

The time they spend at camp, joined at the hip just like they were at eighteen and twenty still never feels like enough.

They make the most of it but leaving back to their respective clubs have always been hard.

Laura misses Sydney like she’s missing some part of herself when they are apart. She can pinpoint the exact moment in time that she thinks the Bayern Munich player might feel the same way.

It’s not long after things have begun to go back to normal after Covid when Sydney takes full advantage and shows up to one of Laura’s games in Frankfurt.

The older blonde will never forget how warm her heart had felt when she spotted the midfielder in the crowd, just before halftime.

Sydney had shot her a wide grin as she noticed and Laura had played the rest of the match with a unique lightness.

She’d also gone all out to impress, scoring two more goals in the second half to complete her hattrick.

‘For you.’ The striker had murmured as she presented the match ball to Sydney.

Sydney who blushes a light pink and accepts it, before pointing out that it’s not yet signed.

Laura giggles before finding a Sharpie and signing it.

Then after a brief moment of consideration, she adds a heart.

The midfielder carefully brushes her finger over it, a soft smile growing on her face.

She tucks the ball under her arm protectively, ‘Thank you Lau. You played amazingly today.’

Now it’s Laura’s turn to have her cheeks flush.

’Did my best to put on a show cause I had a special someone watching today. Speaking of said someone, what are you doing here?’

Sydney laughs, tucking a few strands of loose hair behind her ear.

‘I had a couple days off and I thought I would surprise you. Seeing you at camp just isn’t enough.’

Laura swallows the rising emotion in her throat.

‘I missed you too.’

******

Sydney and Laura dance around their feelings for years.

After the Euros, they are both somewhat aware that the feelings they individually harbour are reciprocated.

But it is not till their Morocco trip, more than a year later that things actually change.

They’ve been shifting a bit with the two growing even closer than before in the lead up to the World Cup.

Germany is not doing too well and the anxiety, pressure and stress that builds draw them together, more than ever before.

They even lose their things in the airport together, Sydney her phone and headphones, Laura her passport for the ten most stressful minutes of her life.

They’re made for each other and yet they choose to mutually pine after one other.

When the younger German woman gets injured in the last training session before their first match of the tournament, Laura worries herself sick.

She’s physically ill with nerves and throws up as she waits for the Bayern Munich midfielder to get back from her MRI scan.

The striker couldn’t accompany Sydney to her scans because she had to finish up the training session with the rest of the team, so she is left to anxiously pace her and Lina’s shared apartment.

She keeps her phone close but as hard as she’s willing it to happen, does not receive any messages or calls from the younger blonde.

Laura is fearing that she might vomit again when there’s a knock on her door.

She flies to open it and nearly pulls Sydney into her arms when she sees her standing there.

The Eintracht Frankfurt player only doesn’t because of Sydney’s heavily bandaged knee and gently places her arms around the taller woman instead.

‘Just a slight sprain. Martina isn’t sending me home so I'll be available for selection after the first game.’ Sydney murmurs.

‘Syd…’ She sighs in relief.

‘I was so scared.’ The midfielder confesses shakily.

‘Me too. Me too.’

Laura holds Sydney closer and firmer, the two of them simply standing in the doorway for a long moment.

******

The way their World Cup run ends devastates them both but the midfielder more so.

Her sobs echo long into the night, Laura’s arms tightly wrapped around her waist, providing some semblance of comfort.

She cries and cries, the forward doing everything she can to assure Sydney that she did not let anyone down.

‘You were not selfish. You are not selfish. You had the courage to fail and that makes you the bravest person I know.’ Laura promises.

The shorter blonde tries to make her see that her two solo attempts on goal, in her only forty three minutes of World Cup playing time is an impressive feat. One that she should be proud of, given the pressure she had been under.

Sydney’s body shakes with the force of her emotions but she manages to turn her face into the side of Laura’s neck, burying it there.

The Eintracht Frankfurt player feels the drops of salty tears against her skin and eventually in the material of her shirt as they soak through.

Her own tears drip down the sides of her face and onto the pillow but she’s got the younger German woman in her arms so she is sure she is going to be alright. She puts her faith in the Bayern midfielder.

The woman in question is completely shattered but she knows that she will be okay because Laura’s got her.

Laura has never let her down before and Sydney has no reason to doubt her now.

******

It’s shortly after Christmas when Sydney finds out that Laura has a girlfriend.

Well she sorta finds out from social media.

She’s hanging out with a few of her club teammates at a dive bar and aimlessly scrolling through Twitter as she waits for Lina to come back with the drinks.

She doesn’t usually spend much of her time on social media but every now and then she does look through the various platforms.

A particular post catches her eye, her stomach dropping when she sees that it’s speculation on Laura’s love life.

The hazel eyed woman knows that fans can sometimes get carried away but when she clicks on the post, she realises it’s part of a thread.

The more she looks at the sequence of posts, the more uncertain she feels.

Laura would tell her if she were seeing someone right?

Sydney feels like her world is tilting off balance.

The striker means so much more to her then she lets on and now she can’t help but regret that decision.

She’s too late. The Eintracht Frankfurt player has moved on.

A weak exhale leaves her and she takes several deep breaths rapidly in a desperate attempt to steady herself.

It must not be working because there’s a hand on her shoulder, tapping her frantically.

‘W-What?’ She chokes out.

‘Sydney are you okay?’

‘Yeah why wouldn’t I be?’

Her voice sounds flat even to her own ears and Giulia clearly doesn’t buy it.

‘Syd are you sure? You look really pale.’

The midfielder does her best to feign coughing and stands up, saying, ‘I’m sorry but I actually think I’m coming down with something. I’ll take a rain check for our night out okay?’

‘Sure, feel better soon Syd. Do you want one of us to drop you home?’

Giulia, Lea and Maxi all offer to but Sydney shakes her head.

‘I’m okay to get home on my own. It’s not far anyway.’

‘Send me a text when you get home so that I know you are safe.’ Lea calls out as the German midfielder begins to leave.

Sydney gives a half hearted wave and quickly makes her way to her car.

As soon as she’s in the vehicle, she begins to cry.

She should have said something earlier, should have told Laura even a fraction of what she feels for her.

A fraction would have been better than nothing at all.

She thought she and Laura had been growing closer and she’s been working up the courage to say something for a while.

She should have worked faster because the older blonde has obviously gotten tired of waiting. She just thought that Laura was content with the way things were between them.

The forward never said anything so Sydney never thought otherwise.

Maybe she should have.

It’s perfectly bad timing on the former Penn State player’s part to call then.

The younger of the pair hesitates, staring at the ringing phone in her hand.

Laura’s contact is a familiar one and Sydney vividly remembers taking the photo for it.

She had sneakily snapped it with the shorter blonde’s own camera while she had been sleeping on the long plane ride to Australia.

Her hair is adorably mussed up in it and if one squinted, they can see drool in the corner of Laura’s open mouth.

Waru is featured too, the knitted koala having been loosely tucked into the striker’s arms as she slept.

The Bayern midfielder had never told Laura that she had been the one to take the photo but the older woman had known immediately.

She’d sent the photo, along with a rolled eyes emoji to Sydney as soon as she received the developed film photos back.

Sydney has never hesitated when it comes to the forward, except when it came to sharing her feelings for her.

Now as her finger hovers over the accept call button, she is terribly afraid that she is going to be responsible for her own heartbreak.

Biting her lip hard, she swipes to pick up the call.

‘Hey Syd!’ Laura excitedly greets.

‘Hi.’ The hazel eyed woman softly answers.

She tilts her head upwards, trying to keep a fresh wave of tears from falling.

‘Sydney? What’s wrong?’

‘Nothing. I’m okay Laura.’

There’s a brief moment of silence on the other end and then the striker gently says, ‘Syd you don’t sound okay…you sound like you’ve been crying…’

‘Haven’t been.’ Sydney tries to insist.

‘Sydney whatever it is, you can tell me. I’m here for you no matter what.’

Laura’s tone is earnest and the younger blonde can no longer choke down the lump in her throat.

Gripping her phone tightly, she covers her mouth in a failed effort to stifle the broken sob that escapes.

‘Sydney? Syd please, what's wrong?’ The Eintracht Frankfurt player begs.

The midfielder doesn’t know it but Laura is pacing her apartment, close to tears herself because of how helpless she feels.

Sydney sounds so sad and in pain and she can’t help her because she doesn’t know why.

In her car, the Munich native lets out a trembling whimper.

‘Why didn’t you tell me you have a girlfriend?’

Her sentence is filled with a hurt so raw that Laura feels it all the way over in her different city.

‘I-I’m happy for you but I just…I just-’

The midfielder can’t continue, too focused on trying to breathe through her tears.

‘Syd I don’t have a girlfriend. Where did you hear that?’

At her words, Sydney feels her heart ease.

It’s like the tight band constricting it disappears. All of a sudden, her heart is beating properly again.

‘Y-You don’t?’ The hazel eyed woman tentatively stammers.

‘I don’t.’ Laura confirms.

‘I’m sorry. I saw a post on Twitter and I clicked on it and then it was a whole thread and I couldn’t stop looking at it. I’m sorry I lost my mind a little. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ Sydney rambles.

‘Syd it’s okay. Really it’s okay. Social media can get to you sometimes.’ The striker reassures her.

Sydney lets out a relieved breath and whispers a small, ‘I’m sorry. I’m okay now I promise.’

It’s quiet on Laura’s end for a moment before she softly says, ‘Hey Syd? You never have to worry about me getting a girlfriend because you would be the first one to know if I did. I only have eyes for one person.’

’You do?’

If the midfielder’s voice was barely audible before, it’s tiny now.

‘Yeah.’

Laura’s own voice is minute too but she has never meant anything more.

******

It’s a week later at New Year’s that Sydney and Laura reunite.

The hazel eyed woman doesn’t say a word, simply walking into Laura’s arms as she stands waiting by the check in counter.

She fits perfectly into them, tucking her face into the side of the shorter blonde’s neck.

Her arms instinctively go around Laura’s waist and she presses a short kiss onto the striker’s sensitive skin.

Laura gasps faintly, staring at Sydney with wide eyes when she steps back.

‘What was that for?’

The midfielder simply smiles gently, ‘You aren’t the only one with eyes for only one person.’

******

Gold was the colour of the leaves on the tree in front of their rented villa.

It’s by the beach and Laura squeezes Sydney’s hand in hers as they pull their respective suitcases into the door.

There’s four bedrooms but the Bayern midfielder refuses to let go of the forward’s hand so with a bright grin, Laura tugs her into the closest bedroom.

Sam and Klara watch them go with a shared glance and rolled eyes.

Klara in particular knows that it’s been a long time coming. She’s seen the longing glances and noticed their growing affection towards each other.

Inside the bedroom, Sydney tosses her backpack on the floor and turns around to face the older German woman.

Laura’s about four centimeters shorter than her so she has to tilt her head upwards to meet the midfielder’s eyes.

‘Syd.’ She breathes.

‘Lau.’ Sydney whispers back.

She’s known for years that Laura is beautiful. She has had the colour of the striker’s eyes memorised and has dreamt of kissing her ever since they met.

The taller blonde is completely lost in Laura’s gaze, so much so that she misses the Eintracht Frankfurt player lunging for the stack of pillows on the bed until it’s too late.

‘Laura!’ Sydney cries out, reaching backwards for her own pillow.

The forward giggles, swinging her pillow at the Munich native.

Sydney eagerly makes up for lost time, joining in the pillow fight that Laura’s started.

‘I hope you know what you’ve begun.’ The midfielder teases.

Laura only smirks confidently in response and the two of them trade swats with the pillows until they physically can’t, laughing too hard to continue.

******

Time, wondrous time, gives Sydney and Laura the blues and then purple pink skies.

Morocco’s sunset is the most gorgeous that they’ve ever seen.

They’re sitting on the beach in front of their rented villa, watching the sun dip beneath the horizon on their final night before they fly back to Germany.

Sydney’s settled between the forward’s legs, contently leaning back against her chest.

Laura slips her hand into the midfielder’s, her heart warming when the younger blonde raises their joined hands and places a kiss onto the back of her hand.

It’s the latest in a series of kisses that Sydney has gifted the Eintracht Frankfurt player with over the duration of their trip. She’s placed them on the back of her shoulders, the inside of her wrists, cheeks, hands and forehead.

The past few days have been heaven for the both of them. They have learnt to surf, fooled around and soaked in the Moroccan sun with their friends.

They’ve also shared a bedroom and gone to sleep cuddled in each other’s arms every night.

It’s given the midfielder a kind of peace she has never experienced before.

‘Laura?’

Sydney’s murmur of her fellow blonde’s name is soft and tender.

The very sound of it gives Laura butterflies inside.

‘Yes Syd?’

‘I’ve never met anyone like you. I’ve never felt what I feel for you for anyone else.’

Laura smiles and she lightly pulls Sydney closer to her.

‘I’ve never met anyone like you either. What I feel for you is beyond what I feel for anyone else.’

Sydney turns around, running her thumb across the striker’s cheekbone.

The action is immeasurably adoring and Laura instinctively leans into her touch.

‘Isn’t it just so pretty to think all along there was some invisible string tying you to me? Because there is no other way to explain how strong of a connection we have. I know that you’re it for me. You’re my person Lau.’ Sydney confesses.

Laura’s gray eyes shine.

‘You’re the only one for me too, Syd.’

The Bayern player gently cups the forward’s face, ‘What I’m trying to say is that I love you. I love you Laura.’

‘I love you too Sydney. Incredibly, ardently and with everything that I am.’

There is no hesitation in Laura’s answer. Why would there be when she’s known for years?

Sydney lets out the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

‘Can I kiss you? Please Lau-’

She doesn’t get to finish her sentence, the blonde striker pressing her lips onto Sydney’s and cutting her off.

Sydney gasps into Laura’s mouth, right away realising that she’s never going to have enough.

The taste of Laura is everything and more, the midfielder slipping her hands into the Eintracht Frankfurt player’s hair fervently.

She leans back after a minute, reluctantly breaking the kiss just to look at Laura and desperately try to memorise the moment.

Then she pulls her right back in.

With Sydney’s lips on hers, Laura is certain beyond belief that every other kiss she’s had in her life has been wrong.

There’s solely Sydney. Sydney is the only thing that matters.

******

Later as she curls up to sleep, tucked into her girlfriend’s side, she’ll tell her that she is so very grateful for their invisible string. The one that’s brought them together.

Sydney will agree and then kiss her again. And her kiss will take the very air out of Laura’s body and give it back. It will not matter that her girlfriend’s lips are already on hers.

All that she’ll want is Sydney, closer and closer and closer.

German Translation:

hallo - hello

[aceofnace]

Nace is truly my biggest ship loss. I was baited into watching this show for them and they have only 1 real kiss and might not even get together until the last minute. 0/10 would not recommend.

Hey, Anon, I feel your pain! I'm not counting it as a total loss just yet, because who knows what the remaining 4 episodes have in store for us, but I do understand the urge to consider them a loss. Why? Because think of all the things we could've had with them and most likely never will:

-Slow dances. Nancy's had them with two love interests, Park and Tristan. Ace had one with Laura. Slow dances are a staple for any good ship. They can be romantic. They can be angsty. They can be tension-filled. They can just be sweet and cute. And Nancy and Ace have danced together zero times in the four years we've known them (about only 7 or 8 months for them). Now, am I hoping there will be a flash-forward epilogue scene in the finale of Nace on their wedding day slow dancing with each other as newlyweds? Or maybe dancing together on their first trip to Paris during a sunset? Absolutely! Do I think we will get either one of those? Of course not!

-Dates. Could you imagine how AMAZING Nace dates would've been? Just the two of them out to dinner. Or having a nighttime picnic under the stars like Carson and Kate. Or hell, even just them sitting in the front seat of Florence while on a midnight stakeout trying to catch Chunky Velez. Nace dating era would have SERVED.

-Fun, flirty moments. Quick—name the last time Nancy and Ace flirted with each other. Or, rather, name any time Nancy and Ace flirted with each other. They never have. But had we gotten to see them in a relationship, they would've been flirting all the time. I could just picture Nancy sitting on Ace's lap while he's hacking. Or her lovingly teasing him over every little thing he does. Or the two of them acting so over-the-top in love with each other in front of George to annoy the hell out of her. I would've loved to see flirty Nace, because it would've involved lots of smiling and them being HAPPY.

-Kissing. Lots of kissing. I can see why Nancy referred to her kiss with Ace in 4x03 as the best kiss of her life. It was EPIC. When Nancy and Ace's lips meet in a kiss, they are both ALL IN, whether it be in a dream or real life. Those two certainly know how to kiss, but mainly just each other. After observing them kissing their other LIs throughout the seasons, you can see a major difference in how they kiss others vs how they kiss each other. And while I'm certain they will have one more kiss, maybe even two, before the end, it won't be enough. Because as much as I love epic kisses (and I think their last ones will be that), I also love the simpler ones. The forehead kiss. The "see you later" peck on the lips kiss. The kiss on the cheek. The kiss on the chest before getting out of bed to go get breakfast. I would've given anything for a whole season of Nace kisses as they tried out every single kind. How sweet would that have been?

I could keep going, but I won't because I'm making myself sad. We could've had it all, but instead we'll be left with next to nothing in the end. And it breaks my heart. Now, whoever "baited" you into the watching the show I'm sure had no idea things would end up this way, so definitely don't blame them! I've been with this ship since the day the show premiered in 2019. And personally? I don't regret loving them, no matter how their story ends. I do think you should wait 4 more episodes before giving it your final "recommend" rating, but sadly it probably won't make much of a difference. Nace will most likely be rushed at the very end. We'll collect our endgame but have very little to show for it. I'll still always love them, though, and they will continue on after the finale to live a long, happy life together in my head, and that's gonna have to be good enough for me.

[dollarbin]

Shakey Sundays #27:

Hawks and Doves

Where the hell is my copy of Hawks and Doves?

It was right where it belonged in the summer of 1993: in my jubilant 17 year old hand. I'd just liberated it from a Dollar Bin for the very first time, adding it to a proud pile of 15 or 16 other titles. There was a $46 summer camp paycheck to be spent.

And it was once again right where it belonged in 1994, spinning on my turntable beneath my U2 War poster when I first played it (well, the Doves side, anyway) for my fairly-soon-to-be sainted wife in the days leading up to my high school graduation.

Fast forward ten years and it was still rocking on very same turntable as I crawled around on the floor of our very first family home, goofing off with our first born. Me and my little wing...

Jump ahead another ten years and it was packed into a milk crate, headed for record collection limbo. Our three children and all their blocks, potties and dolls named Laura had overwhelmed our 900 square foot house, necessitating my entire collection's removal from our home. And so it headed to my parents' mountain cabin an hour and a half outside of town. The record and all its partners seemed superfluous at that moment; I hadn't been to a record store in years; I'd changed countless diapers instead. And music, when I got some, came through the docked iPod off the top of the frig.

And so that precious record was patiently awaiting the return of my attention in the cabin a few years later when a sudden storm of helicopters and sirens sent me away from my kids and wife, jogging up the mountain to a look out spot where I saw that the entire canyon below us was on fire. It was suddenly time to get the hell out of there.

Did I, in the terrifying, adrenaline pumping, moments that followed, righteously acknowledge that records, even Neil Young records, are mere material objects and are therefore downright unworthy of my concern during a potentially major moment in my biography? No, fair readers, I did not.

Rather, I did the unconscionable thing and considered, for a solitary second, charging back into the cabin after the kids were loaded up in the car so as to grab my entire Neil Young section. After all, there was more at stake than my beloved copy of Hawks and Doves. On The Beach was in there too!

But, thankfully, that dumb materialistic thought came and instantly passed, all while I jogged around the car to the driver's seat. Indeed, the thought quickly gave way to a less dumb, but just as materialistic, possibility as I started up the engine and peeled out of there:

"Wow, I kinda hope the cabin burns down! And all the records in it! Then everyone will pity me and encourage me to spend a tremendous amount of time and money - wow, maybe it will be insurance money! - in a bunch of sweet, child-free record stores in the near and far future so as to reestablish my entire collection one title at a time. That sounds awesome!"

Well, sadly, the cabin did not burn down. It came through the fire and was then sold off around 2019, just as my eldest was heading off to college. With one less person in the house I felt justified in bringing my entire collection home.

"Hello old friend," I said to each of my records in turn as I worked them back into alphabetical order. Maybe, thought I, it was finally time to get back into records!

But something was quickly amiss. Several somethings!

First off, there wasn't a single Tom Petty record in my bin. Some devilish mountain man had surely crept into the cabin at some point and absconded with them all. That, or my only slightly less famous other brother had borrowed them and forgot to return them.

It was the later of those scenarios, of course. But, low and behind, the mountain man had shunned my T.P records and had instead nicked my copy of Hawks and Doves! It was nowhere to be found. Curses! He's surely sitting with that record on some windswept mountainside as we speak, cackling madly.

And so, after 15 years of self-imposed record store exile, I went in search of a replacement copy of Hawks and Doves. Now it's 5 years, 112 blog posts and about 500 additionally purchased records later. Blessings upon the mountain man.

By the way, it took no time at all to find a new copy of Hawks and Doves: Neil, who was just coming off his incomparably great run of 70's records, sold a zillion copies of that visually alluring album and then no one - except me! - liked it. So Hawks and Doves wound up a Dollar Bin staple.

I was so out of record buying shape back then that I dropped $10 for it. But I forgive myself.

Here is the replacement:

Now let's talk all about the album.

Hawks and Doves is one of Neil's Jekyll and Hyde records: one side contains a unified band record, the other is a totally unrelated collection of juicy outtakes. He took this approach for the first time with American Stars 'n Bars. That record is mixed, sure, but it's also largely fantastic. Hawks and Doves fits the Jekyll and Hyde description much better in that one side is alluring and lovely; the other is horrific.

Let's talk Doves, the outtakes side, first - in true Shakey style, that's Side 1. So this record should actually be called Doves and Hawks. At least I presume we can call Side 1 Doves: its songs lilt without rancor and the vinyl sticker is a patient blue, not a vitriolic red. Ask him about the color/title plan today and Neil would probably make bold and specific claims without any real memory of what he had in mind: the poor guy was entirely wrapped up with caring for his young son born with Cerebral Palsy at this point and it's impossible to know how much thought he put into any part of this record.

Doves is just four songs long, two of which, Little Wing and Lost in Space, are among my favorite songs of all time by anyone, full stop.

These days, of course, Shakey Savants like me listen to Little Wing in the context of Homegrown, Neil's white whale of a record that hid entirely from view for a full 40 years before anyone finally heard it. Listening to the song in that context totally changes its meaning and effect for me; it becomes deeply Neil's song. I'll look forward to writing it in that manner in a future post.

(And we'll also get to talk at some point about Little Wing in the context of The Ducks, Neil's extremely average and momentary late 70's band whose best mark, by far, was an electrified version of the song.)

But growing up, and becoming a father, made Little Wing utterly my own song, not Neil's. The track opens with the earthiest, most elemental musical gesture I know: Neil's harmonica sounds like a centuries old, partially fossilized, fungus that he's upturned and is breathing through; it's the sound of the earth itself sighing and speaking.

I don't know if these opening notes are pretty on any level. But I find them deeply sublime.

For me, the song was initially about my girlfriend, soon to be my wife. She flew rings around us all. Then the patient melody morphed and came to describe the children and, later, the adults with developmental disabilities that I played with and cared for in my first career. Summer had turned to fall. Then, when my daughter was born, she claimed the song. Born in winter, she was the best of all.

I wrote months ago about Lord Franklin/Bob Dylan's Dream, calling the melody and mood of that song elemental to my own understanding of self. Well, Little Wing, when heard either in isolation or in the context of this record, is the flip side of Lord Franklin: it describes the people and things that I love. I sang it to all my children, almost daily, as they fell asleep; if I'm lucky I'll get to sing it to my grandchildren one day too.

I love Lost in Space for far more ineffable reasons. The song is just so damn weird. Neil makes every note once again here on his own: from the layered guitars to the patient vocals to the "marine munchkin" chorus. Rarely does his music sound this intentional, and rarely does it refuse so staunchly to be categorized. Like Will to Love, Lost in Space has no peer in Neil's oeuvre; it'd be out of place on any record he's ever made. And so Doves' outtakes approach is its perfect home.

And the imagery! Neil presents his own Grimm's Fairy Tale of sorts, stacking up childish images of queens and lambs within a sporadic sing-song rhyme scheme alongside unsettling mattress doors, buildings that rise from the ocean floor and paroled gardeners, all of them spinning and lost in deep outer space.

I don't know that many other people consider this one of Young's great songs. And so my deep affection for it may offer my buddy Greg some insight into his forever, Shakey-Sundays-inspiring, question: Why Neil Young? Why is he your favorite artist?

Well, Greg, I don't know. But the answer is somewhere inside the swirling fever dream of beauty, dread and obscurity that is Lost in Space.

And then, there's the rest of the record. Doves also includes the delicate and elusive story that is Captain Kennedy, which has its own proper, modern home on another of Young's long lost and then recently found records, Hitchhiker. And then there's the album's oddball prequel of sorts to Danger Bird, The Old Homestead. With its assigned parts for birds, shadows and riders, The Old Homestead could have entire college departments dedicated to its study.

But I've never loved the track and I can't work up the energy on this fine Sunday to plumb its depths. Suffice it to say that everyone should own Hawks and Doves for its A Side.

And then there's Side B. I've been asking the same question about it for 30+ years: what the hell is this crap?

I gave it a fresh listen just now, hoping that something new would emerge for me. Nope. We've still got 5 well below average Neil Young songs performed like a failed Farm Aid audition. The title track is hummable at least but it's also embarrassing; Young lost a lot of fans for a moment for sounding like a Reagan Republican here, and this song the best part of Hawks.

But the side's only really memorable moments come in Union Man, which is one of Neil's leading submission to the Most Enjoyably Stupid Songs in History competition. Young opens with generic strings and the only mildly memorable guitar work on all of Hawks. He then stumbles into an initially dull advertisement for the joys of union membership. Is he serious?

No, he is not: the union meeting in question soon devolves into someone, probably Ben Keith, shouting a blatantly stupid suggestion for union consideration into the mix. Neil, our meeting facilitator, takes him seriously and suddenly it feels like this is a scene in one of Neil's terrible movies.

If Neil's attempting a critique of the "AF of M" (the American Music Federation) here then he misses the mark. If he's mocking unions generally then the song is offensive.

But I'm going to take the high road and assume that the whole song is an incomprehensible dad joke, in which case this stuff is pure gold. Get me one of those bumper stickers Neil!

Once Archives 3 comes out Hawks and Doves will finally be irrelevant. Lost in Space will then join Little Wing, The Old Homestead and Captain Kennedy as another great song which has its true home on another record. The Hawks songs alone can then claim this album, forever identifying it as needless and dull.

I can't wait. Maybe then that conniving mountain man will decide that my stolen copy of Hawks and Doves no longer deserves to take up precious space in his mountain man lair. I therefore call upon him to quit his cackling and return my damn record.

P.S. The moment after I hit publish on this thing Joe Biden did the honorable and necessary thing - finally - and stepped aside. We live in historic and tense times! As a high school history teacher I have the increasingly vital and difficult job of presenting our country in a more honest, complex and nuanced way than Neil manages with his song Hawks and Doves. But, amidst our troubled times and our incredibly troubled history, I remain a hopeful and, in my own way, patriotic American. Thanks for stepping aside Joe: we need you now way less than we need Donald Trump ever. Like you and Neil, I'm ready to go, but I'm also willin' to stay and pay. USA? Sure: USA!

[fashionguestpost]

Jude Bellinghamn age: A Rising Star with Eyes on the Prize

At just 20 years old, Jude Bellingham has already carved his name into the history books of English football. His talent, maturity, and leadership qualities have propelled him to the top of the game, making him a coveted player by clubs worldwide. But beyond the dazzling footwork and thunderous strikes, there's a young man with a life unfolding off the pitch. Let's delve into the world of Jude Bellingham, exploring his meteoric rise, his international aspirations, and a hint of what might be brewing in his personal life.

A Prodigy Takes Flight: Birmingham Beginnings

Born in Stourbridge, England in 2003, Jude's footballing journey began at a tender age. Joining Birmingham City's youth academy at just eight years old, his exceptional talent quickly became evident. He rose through the ranks with remarkable speed, shattering records along the way. In 2019, at the age of 16 years and 38 days, he became Birmingham City's youngest ever first-team player, a testament to his precocious abilities.

Bellingham's impact wasn't limited to breaking records. His technical skills, composure on the pitch, and leadership qualities belied his age. He quickly became a fan favorite, captivating audiences with his dazzling displays. Scouts from across Europe flocked to witness the wonderkid in action, and it was only a matter of time before a bigger club came calling.

German Adventure: Borussia Dortmund and Bundesliga Breakthrough

In 2020, at the tender age of 17, Jude Bellingham made the move to German giants Borussia Dortmund. The transfer fee, a record for a player of his age, reflected the immense potential clubs saw in him. Bellingham didn't disappoint. He seamlessly adapted to the rigors of the Bundesliga, quickly establishing himself as a key player for Dortmund. His ability to control the midfield, dictate play, and contribute with crucial goals made him a vital cog in the team's machinery.

Bellingham's success in Germany wasn't limited to club football. His impressive performances caught the eye of the English national team selectors. In November 2020, at the age of 17, he became the youngest player to debut for England since the legendary Wayne Rooney in 2003. This wasn't a mere ceremonial gesture. Bellingham quickly showed he belonged at the international level, delivering mature performances that belied his young age.

A Glimpse of Love?

While Jude Bellingham's professional life is an open book, his personal life remains largely under wraps. However, rumors have swirled about a potential love interest – her supposed girlfriend is Dutch model Laura Celia Valk. While neither has officially confirmed the relationship, social media hints and occasional sightings have fueled speculation.

Whether Jude is truly off the market remains to be seen. One thing is certain: with his focus firmly on his football career, any relationship would likely remain private. After all, the weight of expectation on his young shoulders is immense.

Leading the Charge: Captain's Material and World Cup Dreams

Jude Bellingham's leadership qualities extend far beyond his age. He commands respect from teammates and coaches alike. In 2023, at the age of 19, he was entrusted with the captain's armband for Borussia Dortmund in a pre-season friendly, highlighting the immense trust his manager has in him. This leadership potential, coupled with his on-field brilliance, suggests that the captain's armband might become a permanent fixture in his future, both at club and international level.

Speaking of international aspirations, the 2022 World Cup in Qatar was a defining moment for Bellingham. He played a pivotal role in England's run to the quarter-finals, showcasing his talent on the biggest stage in world football. With the 2024 European Championships on the horizon and the 2026 World Cup looming large, Jude Bellingham is undoubtedly a key figure in England's quest for international glory.

The Future Beckons: A Legacy in the Making

At just 20 years old, Jude Bellingham has achieved more than most footballers do in their entire careers. His talent, work ethic, and dedication have propelled him to the top of the game. With his feet firmly planted on the ground and his eyes firmly set on the prize, the future for Jude Bellingham is as bright as the goals he scores. Whether he leads England to international glory, becomes a club legend at Borussia Dortmund, or takes his talents elsewhere, one thing is certain: the world of football is witnessing the rise of a true superstar.

[our-time-is-now]

October 23, 2019 (1): Birthday traditions

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.

Wednesday, 06:09 am:

David: ~is fast asleep in their bed with Matteo and eventually gets rudely startled awake by loud singing~ ~bolts upright with his heart beating fast and it takes a moment for him to realize that Laura, Hans and Linn have turned on the light and that they are standing in their room with a cake with candles on it, singing “Happy Birthday” from the top off their lungs~ ~laughs quietly and looks at Matteo sleepily, who has also woken up from the singing and who’s rubbing his eyes tiredly~ ~was just about to thank them when they finish the song when Hans continues with the next birthday song~ ~also listens to that and grins when he announces at the second verse that he doesn’t know the lyrics any further~ ~hears Hans: “Okay, then the next one! ~sings~… okay and now everyone join in!”~ ~sees Laura and Linn looking at each other in confusion and interrupts the show by saying with a voice still scratchy with sleep~ Thanks, thanks, thanks… how awesome are you guys!?! ~hears Laura: “We have cake! And we made breakfast!”~ ~sees her putting the cake down on the nightstand, sit down on the edge of the bed and feels her hug him: “Happy birthday, my favorite brother!”~ ~also hugs her and murmurs quietly~ Thanks! ~then hears Hans: “Alright, make space! There are other people waiting for their turn!”~

Matteo: ~gets woken up by singing and rubs his eyes~ ~is immediately a little annoyed when they won’t stop~ ~had imagined what it would be like to wish David a happy birthday by himself by kissing him awake and exchanging birthday kisses before they have to get up~ ~therefore grumbles a bit when suddenly people are even sitting down on their bed~ ~murmurs~ And that couldn’t have waited? ~sits up a little and watches Hans hugging David and therefore that’s the second person before him to congratulate David~ ~sees Linn also stepping closer and thinks that now it doesn’t matter anymore~ ~moves away a little when Hans hugs David tightly and when he ruffles his hair: “Happy Birthday, my butterfly boyfriend, I hope you’ll have a wonderful new year of your life!”~ ~then sees him make space for Linn, who also hugs David, and then hears Laura announce: “Alright, alright, get up, the breakfast table is set, go get to the kitchen, you can get ready afterwards.”~ ~grumbles a little and shakes his head~ ~thinks that in the past, he would have played along, but now also has to think of his conversation with Jonas and the fact that sometimes, it’s a good thing to say what you want~ We’ll be there in a minute. You’ll all leave the room now, please, unless you want to watch /me/ wishing David a happy birthday!

David: ~gets hugged and congratulated by Hans and Linn after Laura’s hug and and thanks them~ ~then hears Laura and groans quietly~ ~notices only now how tired he still is and drops back into the pillows~ ~finds it nice that they wanted to give him a nice start to his day, but also finds it a little too stressful~ ~grins slightly when he hears Matteo grumble and then smiles when he hears what he says to the three of them~ ~nods at the words and hears Hans: “You have 5 minutes!” and Laura: “It’s David’s birthday, they have as much time as they want!”~ ~sees her pushing Hans toward the door and sees Linn simply following the two of them~ ~calls after them~ Door? ~hears someone really closing the door and grins at Matteo expectantly~ So? How were you planning on wishing me a happy birthday!?

Matteo: ~looks at Laura gratefully when she says that they have as much time as they want~ ~grins and waits until the door is closed and then turns to David~ ~tilts his head at David’s question~ ~tenderly runs his hand through his hair~ ~then slowly leans down and kisses him tenderly~ ~says quietly~ Tanti auguri a te, tesorino. ~then kisses him again and then leans back again~ ~grins~ I thought something along those lines, what do you think about that?

David: ~is tempted to close his eyes again when Matteo runs a hand through his hair~ ~then does just that when he kisses him, smiles when he hears his words and murmurs quietly and a little sheepishly~ Grazie, tesorino… ~gets kissed again and then looks at Matteo when he leans back again~ ~smiles broadly at his question and says quietly~ Pretty perfect… I’ve never been kissed as a way to wish me a happy birthday… I could get used to it… ~grins slightly~ Will there be more?

Matteo: ~smiles tenderly at his answer~ Then it was about time… me neither, by the way, I’m already looking forward to it. ~then laughs slightly when he asks for more~ Since you asked so nicely… ~then rolls on top of him and kisses him longer and more intensively~ ~runs his hand through his hair and presses a little closer to him~ ~but then hears Hans cheering and Laura laughing from a distance and sighs~ I’m afraid we’ll have to wait until tonight for more…

David: ~nods and grins slightly when Matteo says that it was about time~ It’ll be your turn in 11 days… then you’ll also get a birthday kiss… or two or three… ~smiles when Matteo immediately leans over him again and runs a hand through his hair while he wraps his other arm around him to pull him closer~ ~is annoyed that they don’t have the day off today and won’t be able to spend the entire day in bed when Matteo pulls away from the kiss when he hears the others~ ~hears his promise and grins slightly~ It’s a date! ~briefly kisses him again and then struggles up~ Okay… first breakfast, then getting dressed… I hope the others have already been to the bathroom… so that the five of us won’t have to fight about who can go to the bathroom first… ~reaches for his joggers and pulls them up over his boxer shorts~

Matteo: ~nods and grins~ Or four, or five? ~then grins when David announces the date~ We’ll lock ourselves in, the others can celebrate with you in 10 days… ~kisses him back and rolls off him again when he sits up~ ~listens to him and watches him~ ~then remembers that having breakfast together will mean that he won’t be able to already show David the clock this morning and is annoyed that the flatshare has crossed his plans~ ~really wanted to see David’s reaction~ ~but then also thinks that tonight, they can go to bed immediately afterwards, which might also have its advantages~ ~grins to himself until he realizes that David is looking at him expectantly~ What? Oh yes, getting up… sorry… ~struggles up from the bed and pulls on joggers and a shirt~ ~then goes to the kitchen together with David~

David: ~laughs quietly~ Or six or seven? ~briefly kisses him again and murmurs into the kiss~ As many as you want! ~then gets up and gets dressed~ ~realizes in amusement that Matteo is still in bed and looks at him expectantly~ ~laughs quietly when he remembers that they wanted to get up~ ~they go to the kitchen together, where Hans, Linn and Laura are already sitting at the table~ ~hears Hans: “Sorry, we already started. We didn’t know how long you’d take!”~ ~grins slightly~ It’s okay… ~sees that Laura has taken the cake with her and that she has put it down on the kitchen counter and that it’s surrounded by presents~ ~was just about to sit down when Laura yells: “Stop! First you have to blow out the candles and make a wish!” and Hans: “And unwrap the presents!”~ ~grins and remains standing~ Okay… first the presents and then the candle… ~unwraps the presents from Laura, Linn and Hans and is very happy~ ~hugs everyone and then blows out the candles~ ~hesitates briefly before doing so and then wishes that from now on, he’ll be allowed to spend every birthday with Matteo and other people close to him~ ~then finally sits down and sees that Matteo has already prepared a bread roll for him~ ~leans over to him, kisses him and murmurs quietly~ Thanks! ~but then reaches for his coffee first and takes a big sip~ ~hears Hans: “So? What did you wish for?”~

Matteo: ~grins slightly when Laura insists on blowing out the candle~ Are you sure that David knows that you can make a wish while doing that? ~gets the secretary’s-office-look as a reply and grins even more~ ~then applauds with the others when he blows the candles out~ ~pushes David’s breakfast toward him when he sits down~ ~grins into the kiss~ You’re welcome. ~also takes a sip of coffee when he hears Hans’ question~ ~then hears Laura: “You’re not supposed to say, otherwise it won’t come true!”~ ~nudges David lightly~ Yeeees, tell me, was it about meeee? ~grins at him very broadly~

David: ~was also going to tell Hans that you’re not allowed to say what you wished for when Laura already does so~ ~reaches for his bread roll when Matteo nudges him, and grins just as broadly at his question~ With me, it’s never about you, right? ~takes a bite off his bread roll and hears Laura laughing: “With you, it hasn’t been about hardly anything else for the last 6 months…”~ ~grins, shrugs his shoulders, and continues chewing~ ~then hears Hans: “It was surely about me! He wished that I’ll stay in his life forever, and that I’ll sing him three birthday songs for every birthday from now on!”~ ~laughs quietly~ Only three? I thought there would be one more for each year…

Matteo: ~sticks his tongue out at David as a reply~ ~but then laughs at Laura’s comment~ Oh, I find it so nice that Laura exists and that she reminds us of such important facts. ~grins widely at David and quickly kisses him~ ~then immediately shakes his head at the conversation with Hans~ No, please don’t, I’m in favor of one less for each year… ~sees Hans looking at him angrily: “What’s that supposed to mean?”~ That’s supposed to mean that I’m grouchy in the mornings and being woken up by singing doesn’t help that fact… ~takes a bite off his bread roll and checks the time~ And we’ll have to go to the bathroom soon… in about a minute or so…

David: ~swallows his bite and says~ And I think it’s nice that Laura’s in a better mood again and that she only annoys me on normal levels… ~doesn’t see Laura looking to Linn, because he’s already distracted by Hans again~ ~grins at Matteo’s suggestion and the exchange of words that follows between him and Hans~ ~loosely puts an arm around Matteo’s waist and slightly leans against him~ ~says to Hans~ He’s only grouchy because he wasn't the first one to wish me a happy birthday… so next year, please wait until breakfast with the singing when Matteo and I are a little more awake… ~hears Linn: “Oh, are we allowed to go to your apartment next year to prepare breakfast?”~ ~realizes only then that he has forgotten about that and laughs quietly~ Umm… or we’ll just come downstairs for breakfast? ~sees Linn beaming and nodding and realizes how nice it actually is that his birthday is celebrated this way~ ~hasn’t experienced that in forever~ ~then hears Matteo and also checks the time~ ~nods~ We still have a few more minutes… ~hears Hans again: “And you can use those to tell us what present my favorite butterfly gave you! Come on, I’m curious!”~ ~realizes only now that Matteo hasn’t mentioned anything about presents and looks at him questioningly~

Matteo: ~nods at David’s explanation as to why he was grouchy~ Yes, because of that, too… but also because I don’t like being woken up by singing… ~wanted to get that point across again~ ~then laughs at Linns enthusiastic exclamation because David had apparently forgotten about that~ Yeees, we’ll come downstairs then… ~nods slightly when David says that they still have a few more minutes~ ~doesn’t want to have to hurry~ ~then curses Hans when he starts asking about the present~ ~quickly puts on a grin when David looks at him so questioningly~ Hello, am I not enough of a present? ~sees Hans immediately shake his head: “No, my butterfly, don’t tell me that you forgot to get a present!”~ ~then also hears Linn: “I don’t believe that. Matteo isn’t like that.”~ ~grins slightly~ Exactly, Matteo isn’t like that. Matteo wanted to give it to him this morning, but someone crossed those plans with cake and breakfast, so David will get it tonight. ~takes another sip of coffee and then gets up~ And before you ask even more questions, I’ll rather hurry up and go take a shower.

David: ~grins at Matteo’s answer and nods~ You actually are… but yesterday you teased a present, so… now I want to have it! ~then hears that he’ll get it tonight and nods satisfied~ ~hears Hans sigh: “Oh, I’d love to be there for that, but I’ll be at Michi’s tonight… but maybe you can send me a photo…”~ ~grins again slightly and shrugs~ Depending on what it is, maybe… ~then hears that Matteo is going to take a shower and humms in agreement~ Right, it’s getting late… I’ll also be there in a second… ~looks at the others~ I hope you’ve already been to the bathroom?! ~hears Laura: “Yep, we timed everything perfectly this morning! The bathroom is all yours! And I’ll also have to leave in a minute…”~ ~reaches for his coffee mug and hears Laura again: “Are there any plans tonight? Dinner together or something? Or are you having couple time?”~ ~briefly looks at Matteo and smiles slightly before looking back to Laura~ Hmm, I think couple time��

Matteo: ~has already gotten up but stops again to look at Hans reproachfully~ Even if you were home, you wouldn’t be there… ~sees Hans looking at him deeply hurt~ But I think we can manage a photo… ~then really wants to go to the bathroom and already moves toward the door~ ~but then agrees with David on the way~ Yep, couple time… we’ll all celebrate together in 1.5 weeks… have patience! ~then disappears to the bathroom~

David: ~grins slightly when Hans acts so hurt, and grins even more when he looks satisfied when Matteo promises a photo~ ~then realizes that everyone is getting ready to leave after Matteo has disappeared to the bathroom and was just about to help clear the table after taking another sip of his coffee~ ~sees Linn looking at him in confusion and finally hears her say: “When it’s your birthday, you don’t have to clear the table!”~ ~lifts his eyebrows in amusement~ Oh, really!? What other rules are there? ~hears Linn again: “You only have to do the absolute “necessities”, like going to work and such… everything else you can postpone or let other people do it!” and Hans: “Yes, those are the rules… believe me: Linn and I are experts on flatshare-birthdays! We’ve been celebrating flatshare-birthdays for three years now! And doing work in the kitchen is definitely a no-go when it’s your birthday!”~ ~nods in amusement~ Alright, good to know! Then I’ll also go to the bathroom now… ~gets up and hears Laura: “Even though it isn’t my birthday, I still have to leave and can’t help. But I’ll make up for it tonight! Eat the cake guys!”~ ~nods and looks at everyone again~ Thanks again… for the presents and for breakfast and the cake and so on… ~hears Hans: “And the singing!”~ ~laughs briefly~ Yes, and for the singing! ~then goes to the bathroom to get ready for uni~

(next play)

[franchufeuillassier]

Best sports moments of the year: Feliciano López wins both Queen’s singles and doubles with Andy Murray

Part 6/∞

[wiktoriatriggvi]

Eurovision 2016-2022: 10th place

What is your favourite entry opening top-10?

2016: Laura Tesoro - What's The Pressure 🇧🇪

2017: JOWST - Grab The Moment 🇳🇴

2018: DoReDoS - My Lucky Day 🇲🇩

2019: Hatari - Hatrið Mun Sigra 🇮🇸

2021: Stefania - Last Dance 🇬🇷

2022: Subwoolfer - Give That Wolf A Banana 🇳🇴

[path-of-my-childhood]

CABIN FEVER - Aaron Dessner: Producing folklore and evermore

Sound On Sound Magazine // March 2021 issue // By Tom Doyle

The pandemic gave Taylor Swift a chance to explore new musical paths, with two lockdown albums co-written and produced by the National's Aaron Dessner.

Few artists during the pandemic have been as prolific as Taylor Swift. In July 2020, she surprise-released folklore, a double-length album recorded entirely remotely and in isolation. It went on to become the biggest global seller of the year, with four million sales and counting. Then, in December, she repeated the trick with the 15-song evermore, which quickly became Swift's eighth consecutive US number one.

In contrast to her country-music roots and the shiny synth-pop that made her a superstar, both folklore and evermore showcased a very different Taylor Swift sound: one veering more towards atmospheric indie and folk. The former album was part-produced by Swift and her regular co-producer Jack Antonoff (St Vincent, Lana Del Rey), while the other half of the tracks were overseen by a new studio collaborator, Aaron Dessner of the National. For evermore, aside from one Antonoff-assisted song, Dessner took full control of production.

Good Timing

Although his band are hugely popular and even won a Grammy for their 2017 album Sleep Well Beast, Aaron Dessner admits that it initially felt strange for an indie-rock guitarist and keyboard player to be pulled into such a mainstream project. Swift had already declared herself a fan of the National, and first met the band back in 2014. Nonetheless, Dessner was still surprised when the singer sent him a text "out of the blue" last spring. "I mean, I didn't think it was a hoax," he laughs. "But it was very exciting and a moment where you think it's like serendipity or something, especially in the middle of the pandemic. When she asked if I would ever consider writing with her, I just happened to have a lot of music that I had worked really hard on. So, the timing was sort of lucky. It opened up this crazy period of collaboration. It was a pretty wild ride."

Since 2016, Aaron Dessner has been based at his self-built rural facility, Long Pond Studio, in the Hudson Valley, upstate New York. The only major change to the studio since SOS last spoke to Dessner in October 2017 has been the addition of a vintage WSW Siemens console built in 1965. "It had been refurbished by someone," he says, "and I think there's only three of them in the United States. I heard it was for sale from our friend [and the National producer/mixer] Peter Katis. That's a huge improvement here."

Although the National made Sleep Well Beast and its 2019 successor I Am Easy To Find at Long Pond, the band members are scattered around the US and Europe, meaning Dessner is no stranger to remote working and file sharing. This proved to be invaluable for his work with Swift. Dessner spent the first six weeks of lockdown writing music that he believed to be for Big Red Machine, his project with Bon Iver's Justin Vernon. Instead, many of these work-in-progress tracks would end up on folklore. Their first collaboration (and the album's first single), 'cardigan', for instance, emerged from an idea Dessner had been working on backstage during the National's European arena tour of Winter 2019.

"I sent her a folder and in the middle of the night she sent me that song," Dessner explains. "So, the next morning I was just listening to it, like, `Woah, OK, this is crazy."

On The Move

As work progressed, it quickly became apparent that Swift and Dessner were very much in tune as a songwriting and producing unit. There was very little Dessner had to do, he says, in terms of chopping vocals around to shape the top lines. "I think it's because I'm so used to structuring things like a song, with verses and choruses and bridges," he reckons. "In most cases, she sort of kept the form. If she had a different idea, she would tell me when she was writing and I would chop it up for her and send it to her. But, mostly, things kind of stayed in the form that we had."

Dessner and Swift were working intensively and at high speed throughout 2020, so much so that on one occasion the producer sent the singer a track and went out for a run in the countryside around Long Pond. By the time he got back, Swift had already written 'the last great american dynasty' and it was waiting for him in his inbox. "That was a crazy moment," he laughs. "One of the astonishing things about Taylor is what a brilliant songwriter she is and the clarity of her ideas and, when she has a story to tell, the way she can tell it. I think she's just been doing it for so long, she has a facility that makes you feel like you could never do what she's capable of. But we were a good pair because I think the music was inspiring to her in such a way that the stories were coming."

Swift's contributions to folklore were recorded in a makeshift studio in her Los Angeles home. Laura Sisk engineered the sessions as the singer recorded her vocals, using a Neumann U47, in a neighbouring bedroom. Live contact between Swift, Sisk, Dessner and Long Pond engineer Jonathan Low was done through real-time online collaboration platform Audiomovers.

"We would listen in remotely and kind of go back and forth," says Dessner. "We used Audiomovers and then we would have Zoom as a backup. But mainly we were just using Audiomovers, so we could actually be in her headphones. It's powerful, it's great. I've used it a lot with people during this time. Then, later on, when we recorded evermore, a lot of the vocals were done here at the studio actually when Taylor was visiting when we did the [Disney+ documentary] Long Pond Sessions. But Taylor's vocals for folklore were all done remotely."

Keeping Secrets

Given the huge international interest in Swift, the team had to work with an elaborate file-sharing arrangement to ensure that the tracks didn't leak online. Understandably, Dessner won't be drawn on the specifics. "Yeah, I mean we had to be very careful, so everything was very secretive," he says. "There were passwords on both ends and we communicated in a specific way when sharing mixes and everything. There was a high level of confidentiality and data encryption. It was sort of a learning curve.

"I'm not used to that," he adds, "'cause usually we're just letting files kind of fly all over the Internet [laughs]. But I think with someone like her, there's just so many people that are paying attention to every move that she makes, which can be a little, I think, oppressive for her. We tried to make it as comfortable as possible and we got used to how to get things to her and back to us. It worked pretty well."

Drums & Guitars

For the generally minimalist beat programming on the records, Dessner would sometimes turn to his more expensive new analogue drum generators - Vermona's DRM1 and Dave Smith's Tempest - but more often used the Synthetic Bits iOS app FunkBox. "There's just a lot of great vintage drum machine sounds in there, and they sound pretty cool, especially if you overdrive it," he says. "Often I send that through an amplifier, or through effects into an amplifier. Then I have a [Roland) TR-8 and a TR-8S that I use a lot. I also use the drum machine in the [Teenage Engineering] OP-1. So, a song like 'willow', that's just me tapping the OP-1."

Elsewhere, Dessner's guitar work appears on the tracks, with the intricate melodic layering on 'the last great american dynasty' from folklore having been inspired by Radiohead's In Rainbows. "Almost all of the electric guitar on Taylor's records is played direct through a REDDI DI into the Siemens board," he says. "It's usually just my 1971 Telecaster played direct and it just sounds great. Oftentimes I just put a little spring reverb on it and sometimes I'll overdrive the board like it's an amplifier, 'cause it breaks up really beautifully.

"I have a 1965 [Gibson] Firebird that I play usually through this 1965 Fender Deluxe Reverb. So, if I am playing into an amp, that's what it is. But on 'the last great american dynasty', those little pointillistic guitars, that's just played direct with the Telecaster through the board."

Elsewhere, Aaron Dessner took Taylor Swift even further out of her sonic comfort zone. A key track on folklore, the Cocteau Twins-styled 'epiphany', features her voice amid a wash of ambient textures, created by Dessner slowing down and reversing various instrumental parts in Pro Tools. "I created a drone using the Mellotron [MD4000D] and the Prophet and the OP-1 and all kinds of synth pads," he says. "Then I duplicated all the tracks, and some of them I reversed and some of them I dropped an octave. All manner of using varispeed and Polyphonic Elastic Audio and changing where they were sitting. Just to create like this Icelandic glacier of sounds was my idea. Then I wrote the chord progression against that.

"The [Pro Tools] session was not happy," he adds with a chuckle. "It kept crashing. Eventually I had to print the drone but I printed it by myself and there was some crackle in it. It was distorting. And then I couldn't recreate it so Jon Low, who was helping me, was kind of mad at me 'cause he was like, 'You can't do that.' And I was like, 'Well, I was working quickly. I didn't know it'd become a song."

Orchestra Of Nowhere

Meanwhile, the orchestrations that appear on several of the tracks were scored by Aaron's twin brother and National bandmate, Bryce Dessner, who is located in France. "I would just make him chord charts of the songs and send them to him in France," Aaron says. "Then he would orchestrate things in Sibelius and send the parts to me. I would send the parts and the instrumental tracks to different players remotely and they would record them literally in their bedrooms or in their attics. None of it was done as a group, it was all done separately. But that's how we've always worked in the National so it's quite natural."

On folklore standout track 'exile', Justin Vernon of Bon Iver delivered his stirring vocal for the duet remotely from his home in Eaux Claires, Wisconsin. "He's renovating his studio, so he has a little home studio in his garage," says Dessner. "It was Taylor's idea to approach him. I sent him Taylor's voice memo of her singing both parts, and he got really excited and loved the song and then he wrote the extra part in the bridge.

"I do a lot of work remotely with Justin also, so it was easy to send him tracks and he would track to it and send back his vocals. I was sending him stems, so usually it's just a vocal stem of Taylor and an instrumental stem and then if he wants something deeper, I'll give him more stems. But generally, he's just working with the vocal layers and an instrumental."

Vernon also provided the grainy beat that kicks off 'closure', one of two tracks on evermore that started life as a sketch for the second Big Red Machine album. "It was this little loop that Justin had given me in this folder of 'Starters', he calls them. I had heard that and been playing the piano to it. But I was hearing it in 5/4, although it's not in 5/4. 'Closure' really opened everything up further. There were no real limits to where we were gonna try to write songs."

Given the number of remote players, Dessner says there were surprisingly few problems with the file swapping and that it was a fairly painless technical process. "It was pretty smooth, but there were issues," he admits. "Sometimes sample-rate issues, or if I happened to give someone an instrumental that was an MP3, that sometimes lines up differently than if you send them an actual WAV that's bounced on the grid. So, sometimes I'd have to kinda eyeball things.

"If there was trouble it started to be because of track counts. I probably only used 20 percent of what was actually recorded, 'cause we would try a lot of things, y'know. So, eventually the sessions got kinda crazy and you'd have to deactivate a lot of things and print things. But we got used to that."

Soft Piano

Aaron Dessner's characteristic dampened upright piano sound, familiar from the National's albums, is much in evidence throughout both folklore and evermore. "The upright is a Yamaha U1 that I've had for more than a decade. Usually, I play it with the soft pedal down and that's the sound of 'hoax' or 'seven' or 'cardigan', y'know, that felted sound. It kind of almost sounds like an electric piano.

"I always mic it the same way, just with two [AKG] 414s, and they're always the same distance off the wall. I had a studio in Brooklyn for 10 years and then when I moved here, I copied the same [wooden] pattern on the wall. And the reason I did that is 'cause of how much I love how this piano sounds bouncing off that wall. It just does something really special for the harmonics."

When on other folklore songs, such as 'exile' or 'the 1', where the piano was the main sonic feature of the track, Dessner played his Steinway grand. "A lot of times we use a pair of Coles [4038s] on the Steinway, just cause it's darker. But sometimes we'll have the 414s there as well and choose."

Keeping Warm

On both folklore and evermore, Taylor Swift's voice is very much front and center and high in the mix, and generally sounds fairly dry. "I think the main thing was I wanted her vocals to have a more full range than maybe you typically hear," Dessner explains. "'Cause I think a lot of the more pop-oriented records are mixed a certain way and they take some of the warmth out of the vocal, so that it's very bright and it kinda cuts really well on the radio. But she has this wonderful lower warmth frequency in her voice which is particularly important on a song like `seven'. If you carved out that mud, y'know, it wouldn't hit you the same way. Or, like, `cardigan', I think it needs that warmth, the kind of fuller feeling to it. It makes it darker, but to me that's where a lot of emotion is."

Effects-wise, almost all of the treatments were done in the box. "There's no outboard reverbs printed," says Dessner. "The only things that we did print would be like an [Eventide] H3000 or sometimes the [WEM] CopiCat tape delay for just a really subtle slap. But generally, it's just different reverbs in the box that Jon was using. He uses the Valhalla stuff quite a bit and some other UAD reverbs, like the [Capitol] Chambers. I often just use Valhalla VintageVerb and the [Avid] Black Spring and simple things."

In some instances, the final mix ended up being the never-bettered rough mix, while other songs took far more work. "'cardigan' is basically the rough, as is `seven'. So, like the early, early mixes, when we didn't even know we were mixing, we never were able to make it better. Like if you make it sound 'good', it might not be as good 'cause it loses some of its weird magic, y'know. But songs like `the last great american dynasty' or 'mad woman', those songs were a little harder to create the dynamics the way you want them, and the pay-off without going too far, and with also just keeping in the kind of aesthetic that we were in. Those were harder, I would say.

"On evermore, I would say 'willow' was probably the hardest one to finish just because there were so many ways it could've gone. Eventually we settled back almost to the point where it began. So, there's a lot of stuff that was left out of 'willow', just because the simplicity of the idea I think was in a way the strongest."

The subject of this month's Inside Track article, 'willow' was the first song written for evermore, immediately following the release of folklore. "It almost felt like a dare or something," Dessner laughs. "We were writing, recording and mixing all in one kind of work stream and we went from one record to the other almost immediately. We were just sort off to the races. We didn't really ever stop since April."

Rubber & Vinyl

Sometimes, Dessner and Swift drew inspiration from unlikely sources; `no body, no crime', for instance, started when he gave her a 'rubber bridge' guitar made by Reuben Cox of the Old Style Guitar Shop in LA. "He's my very old friend," says Dessner of Cox. "He buys undervalued vintage guitars. Stuff that was made in the '50s and '60s as sort of learner guitars, like old Silvertones and Kays and Harmonys. These kinds of guitars which now are quite special, but they're still not valued the same way that vintage Fenders or Gibsons are valued. Then, he customizes them.

"Recently he started retrofitting these guitars with a rubber bridge and flatwound strings. He'll take, like, an acoustic Silvertone from 1958 and put a bridge on it that's covered in this kind of rubber that deadens the strings, so it really has this kind of dead thrum to it. And he puts two pickups in there, one that's more distorted and one that's cleaner. They're just incredible guitars. I thought Taylor would enjoy having one 'cause she loves the sound. So, I had Reuben make one for her and she used it to write `no body, no crime'."

Another friend of Dessner's, Ryan Olsen, has developed a piece of software called the Allovers Hi-Hat Generator which helped create the unusual harmonic loops that feature on `marjorie'. "It's not available on the market," Dessner says of the software. "It's just something that he uses personally, but I think hopefully eventually it'll come out. I wouldn't say it's artificial intelligence software but there's something very intelligent about it [laughs]. It basically analyses audio information and is able to separate audio into identifiable samples and then put them into a database. You then can design parameters for it to spit out sequences that are incredibly musical.

"When Ryan comes here, he'll just take all kinds of things that I give him and run it through there and then it'll spit out, like, three hours of stuff. Then I go through it and find the layers that I love, then I loop them. You can hear it also on the song 'happiness', the drumming in the background. It's not actually played. That's drums that have been sampled and then re-analyzed and re-sequenced out of this Allovers Hi-Hat Generator."

The song `marjorie' is named after Swift's opera-singer grandmother and so, fittingly, her voice can be heard flitting in and out of the mix at the end of the track. "Taylor's family gave us a bunch of recordings of her grandmother," Dessner explains. "But they were from old, very scratchy, noisy vinyl. So, we had to denoise it all using [iZotope's] RX and then I went in and I found some parts that I thought might work. I pitch-shifted them into the key and then placed them. It took a while to find the right ones, but it's really beautiful to be able to hear her. It's just an incredibly special thing, I think."

Meet At The Pond

Taylor Swift finally managed to get together with Aaron Dessner and Jack Antonoff in September 2020 for the filming of folklore: the long pond studio sessions, featuring the trio live-performing the album. It also provided an opportunity for Swift to add her vocals to some of the evermore tracks.

"It did allow us to have more fun, I think," says Dessner. "Y'know, drink more wine and just kinda be in the same place and have the feeling of blasting the music here and dancing around and just enjoying ourselves. She's really a lovely person to hang out with, so in that sense I'm glad that we had that chance to work together in person.

"We were using a [Telefunken] U47 to record Taylor here," he adds. "Either we were using one of the Siemens preamps on the board, which are amazing. Or I have Neve 1064s [preamps/EQs] and we use a Lisson Grove [AR-i] tube compressor generally."

One entirely new song, `tis the damn season', came out of this face-to-face approach, which Swift wrote in the middle of the night after the team had stayed up late drinking. "We had a bunch of wine actually," Dessner laughs, "and then everybody went to sleep, I thought. But I think she must have had this idea swimming around in her head, 'cause the next morning when she arrived, she sang 'Us the damn season' for me in my kitchen. It's maybe my favourite song we've written together. Then she sang it at dinner for me and my wife Stine and we were all crying. It’s just that kind of a song, so it was quite special.”

National Unity

One key track on evermore, 'coney island', features all of the members of the National and sees Swift duetting with their singer Matt Berninger. "My brother [Bryce] actually originated that song," says Aaron Dessner. "I sent him a reference at one point - I can't remember what it was - and then he was sort of inspired to write that chord progression. Then we worked together to sort of develop it and I wrote a bunch of parts and we structured it.

"Taylor and William Bowery [the songwriting pseudonym of Swift's boyfriend, actor Joe Alwyn] wrote 'coney island' and she sang a beautiful version. It felt kind of done, actually. But then I think we all collectively thought, Taylor and myself and Bryce, like this was the closest to a National song."

Dessner then asked the brothers who make up the National's rhythm section, drummer Bryan and bassist Scott Devendorf, to play on 'coney island'. Matt Berninger, as he often does with the band's own tracks, recorded his vocal at home in Los Angeles. "It was never in the same place, it was done remotely," says Dessner, "except Bryan was here at Long Pond when he played. It was great to collaborate as a band with Taylor."

No Compromise

folklore and evermore have been both enormous critical and commercial successes for Taylor Swift. Aaron Dessner reckons that making these anti-pop records has freed the singer up for the future. "I think it was very liberating for her," he says. "I think that's the thing that's been probably the biggest change for her has just been being able to make songs without compromise and then release them without the promotional requirements that she's used to from the past. Obviously, it comes at this time when we're all in lockdown and nobody can tour or go on talk shows or anything. But I think for her probably it will impact what she does in the future.

"But I also think she can shapeshift again," he concludes. "Who knows where she'll go? She's had many celebrated albums from the past, but to release two albums of this quality in such a short time, it really did shine a light on her songwriting talent and her storytelling ability and also just her willingness to experiment and collaborate. Somehow, I ended up in the middle of all that and I'm very grateful."

INSIDE TRACK - Jonathan Low: Secrets of the Mix Engineers

Sound On Sound Magazine // March 2021 issue // By Paul Tingen

From sketches to final mixes, engineer Jonathan Low spent 2020 overseeing Taylor Swift’s hit lockdown albums folklore and evermore.

“I think the theme of a lot of my work nowadays, and especially with these two records, is that everything is getting mixed all the time. I always try to get the songs to sound as finalised as they can be. Obviously that’s hard when you’re not sure yet what all the elements will be. Tracks morph all the time, and yet everything is always moving forwards towards completion in some way. Everything should sound fun and inspiring to listen to all the time.”

Speaking is Jonathan Low, and the two records he refers to are, of course, Taylor Swift’s 2020 albums folklore and evermore, both of which reached number one in the UK and the US. Swift’s main producer and co‑writer on the two albums was the National’s Aaron Dessner, also interviewed in this issue. Low is the engineer, mixer and general right‑hand man at Long Pond Studios in upstate New York, where he and Dessner spent most of 2020 working on folklore and evermore, with Swift in Los Angeles for much of the time.

“In the beginning it did not feel real,” recalls Low. “There was this brand‑new collaboration, and it was amazing how quickly Aaron made these instrumental sketches and Taylor wrote lyrics and melodies to them, which she initially sent to us as iPhone voice memos. During our nightly family dinners in lockdown, Aaron would regularly pull up his phone and say, ‘Listen to this!’ and there would be another voice memo from Taylor with this beautiful song that she had written over a sketch of Aaron’s in a matter of hours. The rate at which it was happening was mind‑blowing. There was constant elevation, inspiration and just wanting to continue the momentum.

“We put her voice memos straight into Pro Tools. They had tons of character, because of the weird phone compression and cutting midrange quality you just would not get when you put someone in front of a pristine recording chain. Plus there was all this bleed. It’s interesting how that dictates the attitude of the vocal and of the song. Even though none of the original voice memos ended up on the albums, they often gave us unexpected hints. These voice memos were such on‑a‑whim things, they were really telling. Taylor had certain phrasings and inflections that we often returned to later on. They became our reference points.”

Pond Life

The making of the National’s 2017 album Sleep Well Beast and the setup at Long Pond were covered in SOS October 2017; today the studio remains pretty much the same, with the exception of a new desk. “The main space is really big, and the console sits in the middle,” says Low. “In 2019, I installed a 1965 WSW/Siemens, which has 24 line‑in and microphone channels and another 24 line channels. WSW is the Austrian branch of Siemens usually built for broadcast. It’s loaded with 811510B channels. The build quality is insane, the switches and pots feel like they were made yesterday. To me it hints at the warm haze of a Class‑A Neve channel but sits further forward in the speakers. The midrange band on the passive EQ is a huge part of its charm, it really does feel like you’re changing the tone of the actual source rather than the recording. Most microphones go through the desk on their way into Pro Tools, though we sometimes use outboard Neve 1064 mic pres. Occasionally I use the Siemens to sum a mix.

“We have a pair of ATC SCM45 monitors, which sound very clear in the large room. The ceiling is very high, and the front wall is about 25 feet behind the monitors. There are diffusers on the sidewalls and the back walls are absorbing, so there are very few reflections. Aaron and I will be listening in tons of different ways. I’ll listen in my home studio with similar ATC SCM20 monitors or on my ‘70s Marantz hi‑fi setup. Aaron is always checking things in his car, and if there’s something that is bugging him, I’ll join him in his car to find out what he hears.”

Low works at Long Pond and with Dessner most of the time, though he does find time to do other projects, among hem this last year the War On Drugs, Waxahatchee and Nap Eyes. When lockdown started in Spring 2020, Low tacked up on supplies and "had a bunch f mixes lined up". Meanwhile, on the Eest Coast, Swift had seen her Lover Fest our cancelled. With help from engineer aura Sisk, she set up a makeshift studio which she dubbed Kitty Committee in bedroom in her Los Angeles home, and began working with long-term producer nd co-writer Jack Antonoff. At the end of April, however, Swift also started working with Dessner, which took the project in different direction. The impressionistic, atmospheric, electro-folk instrumentals Dessner sent her were mostly composed nd recorded by him at Long Pond, assisted by Low.

Sketching Sessions

The instrumental sketches Aaron makes come into being in different ways," elaborates Low. "Sometimes they are more fleshed-out ideas, sometimes they are less formed. But normally Aaron will set himself up in the studio, surrounded by instruments and synths, and he'll construct a track. Once he feels it makes some kind of sense I'll come in and take a listen and then we together develop what's there.

"I don't call his sketches demos, because while many instruments are added and replaced later on, most of the original parts end up in the final version of the song. We end up in the final version of the song. We try to get the sketches to a place where they are already very engaging as instrumental are already very engaging as instrumental tracks. Aaron and I are always obsessively listening, because we constantly want to hear things that feel inspiring and musical, not just a bed of music in the background. It takes longer to create, but in this case also gave Taylor more to latch onto, both emotionally and in terms of musical inspiration. Hearing melodies woven in the music triggered new melodies."

Not long after Dessner and Low sent each sketch to Swift, they would receive her voice memos in return, and they'd load them into the Pro Tools session of the sketch in question. Dessner and Low then continued to develop the songs, in close collaboration with Swift. "Taylor's voice memos often came with suggestions for how to edit the sketches: maybe throw in a bridge somewhere, shorten a section, change the chords or arrangement somewhere, and so on. Aaron would have similar ideas, and he then developed the arrangements, often with his brother Bryce, adding or replacing instruments. This happened fast, and became very interactive between us and Taylor, even though we were working remotely. When we added instruments, we were reacting to the way my rough mixes felt at the very beginning. Of course, it was also dictated by how Taylor wrote and sang to the tracks."

Dessner supplied sketches for nine and produced 10 of folklore's 16 songs, playing many different types of guitars, keyboards and synths as well as percussion and programmed drums. Instruments that were added later include live strings, drums, trombone, accordion, clarinet, harpsichord and more, with his brother Bryce doing many of the orchestrations. Most overdubs by other musicians were done remotely as well. Throughout, Low was keeping an overview of everything that was going on and mixing the material, so it was as presentable and inspiring as possible.

Mixing folklore

Although Dessner has called folklore an "anti-pop album", the world's number-one pop mixer Serban Ghenea was drafted in to mix seven tracks, while Low did the remainder.

"It was exciting to have Serban involved," explains Low, "because he did things I'd never do or be able to do. The way the vocal sits always at the forefront, along with the clarity he gets in his mixes, is remarkable. A great example of this is on the song 'epiphany'. There is so much beautiful space and the vocal feels effortlessly placed. It was really interesting to hear where he took things, because we were so close to the entire process in every way. Hearing a totally new perspective was eye-opening and refreshing.

"Throughout the entire process we were trying to maintain the original feel. Sometimes this was hard, because that initial rawness would get lost in large arrangements and additional layering. With revisions of folklore in particular we sometimes were losing the emotional weight from earlier more casual mixes. Because I was always mixing, there was also always the danger of over-mixing.

"We were trying to get the best of each mix version, and sometimes that meant stepping backwards, and grabbing a piano chain from an earlier mix, or going three versions back to before we added orchestration. There were definitely moments of thinking, 'Is this going to compete sonically? Is this loud enough?' We knew we loved the way the songs sounded as we were building them, so we stuck with what we knew. There were times where I tried to keep pushing a mix forward but it didn't improve the song — 'cardigan' is an example of a song where we ended up choosing a very early mix."

The Low Down

"I'm originally from Philadelphia," says Jonathan Low, "and played piano, alto saxophone and guitar when growing up. My dad is an electrical engineer and audiophile hobbyist, and I learned a lot about circuit design and how to repair things. I then started building guitar pedals and guitar amps, and recorded bands at my high school using a minidisc player and some binaural microphones. After that I did a music industry programme at Drexel University, and spent a lot of time working at the recording facilities there.

"This led to me meeting Brian McTear, a producer and owner of Miner Street Studios, which became my home base from 2009 to 2014. I learned a lot from him, from developing an interest in creating sounds in untraditional ways, to how to see a record through to completion. The studio has a two-inch 16-track Ampex MM1200 tape machine and a beautiful MCI 400 console which very quickly shaped the way I think about routing and signal flow. I'm lucky to have learned this way, because a computer environment is like the Wild West: there are no rules in terms of how to get from point A to point B. This flexibility is incredible, but sometimes there are simply too many options.

"l met Aaron [Dessned] because singer-songwriter Sharon van Etten recorded her second album, Epic [2010] at Miner Street, with Brian producing. Her third album, Tramp [2012] was produced by Aaron. They came to Philly to record drums and I ended up mixing a bunch of that record. After that I would occasionally go to work in Aaron's garage studio in Brooklyn, and this became more and more a regular collaboration. I then moved from Philly up to the Hudson Valley to help Aaron build Long Pond. We first used the studio in the spring of 2016, when beginning to record the National's album Sleep Well Beast."

Onward & Upward

folklore was finished and released in July 2020. In a normal world everyone might have gone on to do other things, but without the option of touring, they simply continued writing songs, with Low holding the fort. In September, many of the musicians who played on the album gathered at Long Pond for the shooting of a making-of documentary, folklore: the long pond studio sessions, which is streamed on Disney+.

The temporary presence of Swift at Long Pond changed the working methods somewhat, as she could work with Dessner in the room, and Low was able record her vocals. After Swift left again, sessions continued until December, when evermore was released, with Dessner producing or co-producing all tracks, apart from 'gold rush' which was co-written and co-produced by Swift and Antonoff. Low recorded many of Swift's vocals for evermore, and mixed the entire album. The lead single 'willow' became the biggest hit from the album, reaching number one in the US and number three in the UK.

"Before Taylor came to Long Pond," remembers Low, "she had always recorded her vocals for folklore remotely in Los Angeles or Nashville. When I recorded, I used a modern Telefunken U47, which is our go-to vocal mic — we record all the National stuff with that — going straight into the Siemens desk, and then into a Lisson Grove AR-1 tube compressor, and via a Burl A-D converter into Pro Tools. Taylor creates and lays down her vocal arrangements very quickly, and it sounds like a finished record in very few takes."

Devils In The Detail

In his mixes, Low wanted listeners to share his own initial response to these vocal performances. "The element that draws me in is always Taylor's vocals. The first time I received files with her properly recorded but premixed vocals I was just floored. They sounded great, even with minimal EQ and compression. They were not the way I'm used to hearing her voice in her pop songs, with the vocal soaring and sitting at the very front edge of the soundscape. In these raw performances, I heard so much more intimacy and interaction with the music. It was wonderful to hear her voice with tons of detail and nuances in place: her phrasing, her tonality, her pitch, all very deliberate. We wanted to maintain that. It's more emotional, and it sounds so much more personal to me. Then there was the music..."

The arrangements on evermore are even more 'chamber pop' than on folklore, with instruments like glockenspiel, crotales, flute, French horn, celeste and harmonium in evidence. "As listeners of the National may know, Aaron's and Bryce's arrangements can be quite dense. They love lush orchestration, all sorts of percussion, synths and other electronic sounds. The challenge was trying to get them to speak, without getting in the way of the vocals. I want a casual listener to be drawn in by the vocal, but sense that something special is happening in the music as well. At the same time, someone who really is digging in can fully immerse themselves and take in all the beauty deeper in the details of the sound and arrangement. Finding the balance between presenting all the musical elements that were happening in the arrangement and this really beautiful, upfront, real-sounding vocal was the ticket."

A particular challenge is that a lot of the detail that Aaron gravitates towards happens in the low mids, which is a very warm part of our hearing spectrum that can quickly become too muddy or too woolly. A lot of the tonal and musical information lives in the low mids, and then the vocal sits more in the midrange and high mids. There's not too much in the higher frequency range, except the top of the guitars, and some elements like a shaker and the higher buzzy parts of the synths. Maintaining clarity and separation in those often complex arrangements was a major challenge."

In & Out The Box

According to Low, the final mix stage for evermore was "very short. There was a moment in the final week or so leading up to the release where the songs were developed far enough for me to sit down and try to make something very cohesive and final, finalising vocal volume, overall volume, and the vibe. There's a point in every mix where the moves get really small. When a volume ride of 0.1dB makes a difference, you're really close to being done. Earlier on, those little adjustments don't really matter.

"I often try to mix at the console, with some outboard on the two-bus, but folklore was mixed all in the box, because we were working so fast, plus initially the plan was for the mixes to be done elsewhere. I ran a couple of mixes for evermore through the console, and `closure' was the only one that stuck. It was summed through the Siemens, with an API 2500 compressor and a Thermionic Culture Phoenix and then back into Pro Tools via the Burl A-D. I will use hardware when mixing in the box, though mainly just two units: the Eventide H3000, because I have not found any plug-ins that do the same thing, and the [Thermionic] Culture Vulture, for its very broad tone shaping and distortion properties.

"The writing and the production happened closely in conjunction with the engineering and mixing, and the arrangements were dense, making many of the sessions super hefty and actually quite messy. Sounds would constantly change roles in the arrangement and sometimes plug-ins would just stack up. So final mixing involved cleaning up the sessions and stemming large groups down."

Across The Rubber Bridge

The Pro Tools mix session of 'willow' has close to 100 tracks, though there's none of the elaborate bussing that's the hallmark of some modern sessions. At the top are six drum machine tracks in green from the Teenage Engineering OP-1, an instrument that was used extensively on the album. Below that are five live percussion tracks (blue), three bass tracks (pink), and an `AUX Drums' programming track. There's a 'rubber bridge' guitar folder and aux, OP-1 synth tracks, piano tracks, 'Dream Machine' (Josh Kaufman's guitar) and E-bow tracks, Yamaha, Sequential Prophet X, Moog and Roland Juno synth tracks, and Strings and Horns aux stem tracks.

"Most of the drum tracks were performed on the OP-1 by Aaron. These are not programmed tracks. Bryan Devendorf, drummer of the National, programmed some beats on a Roland TR-8S. I ran those though the Fender Rumble bass amp, which adds some woofiness, like an acoustic kit room mic. There's an acoustic shaker, and there's an OP-1 backbeat that's subtle in the beginning, and then gets stronger towards the end of the song. I grouped all the drum elements and the bass, and sent those out to a hardware insert with the Culture Vulture, for saturation, so it got louder and more and more harmonically rich. There is this subtle growing and crescendo of intensity of the rhythm section by the end.

"The 'rubber bridge' guitars were the main anchor in the instruments. These guitars have a wooden bridge wrapped in rubber, and sound a bit like a nylon-string guitar, or a light palm mute. They're very percussive and sound best when recorded on our Neumann U47 and a DI. On many of those DI tracks I have a [SPL] Transient Designer to lower the sustain and keep them punchy, especially in the low end. There's a folder with five takes of 'rubber bridge' guitar in this session, creating this wall of unique guitar sound.

"I treated the 'rubber bridge' guitars quite extensively. There's a FabFilter Pro-Q3 cutting some midrange frequencies and some air around 10kHz. These guitars can splash out in the high end and have a boominess that's in the same range as the low end of Taylor's vocal, so I had to keep these things under control. Then I used a SoundToys Tremolator, with a quarter-note tremolo that makes the accents in the playing a bit more apparent. I like to get the acoustic guitars a little bit out of the way for the less important beats, so I have the Massey CT5 compressor side-chained to the kick drum. I also used the UAD Precision K-Stereo to make the guitars a bit wider. The iZotope Ozone Exciter adds some high mids and high-end harmonic saturation sparkly stuff, and the SoundToys EchoBoy delay is automated, with it only coming on in the bridge, where I wanted more ambience."

Growing Pains

"Once we had figured out how to sit the 'rubber bridge' guitars in the mix, the next challenge was to work out the end of the song, after the bridge. Taylor actually goes down an octave with her voice in the last chorus, and at the same time the music continues to push and grow. That meant using a lot of automation and Clip Gain adjustment to make sure the vocal always stayed on top. There also are ambient pianos playing counter-melodies, and balancing the vocals, guitars and pianos was the main focus on this song. We spent a lot of time balancing this, particularly as the track grows towards the end.

"The vocal tracks share many of the same plug-ins and settings. On the main lead vocal track I added the UAD Pultec EQP-1A, with a little bit of a cut in the low end at 30Hz, and a boost at 8kHz, which adds some modern air. The second plug-in is the Oeksound Soothe, which is just touching the vocal, and it helps with any harsh resonance stuff in the high mids, and a little in the lower mids. Next is the UAD 1176AE, and then the FabFilter Pro-Q3, doing some notches at 200Hz, 1kHz, 4kHz and close to 10kHz. I tend to do subtractive EQ on the Q3, and use more analogue-sounding plug-ins, like the Pultec or the Maag, to boost. After that is the FabFilter Pro-DS [de-esser], taking off a couple of decibels, followed by the FabFilter Saturn 2 [saturation processor], on a warm tape setting.

"Below the vocal tracks are three aux effects tracks, for the vocals. 'Long Delay' has a stereo EchoBoy going into an Altiverb with a spring reverb, for effect throws in the choruses. 'Chamber' is the UAD Capitol Chamber, which gives the vocal a nice density and size, without it being a long reverb. The 'Plate' aux is the UAD EMT140, for the longer tail. These two reverbs work in conjunction, with the chamber for the upfront space, determining where the vocal sits in the mix, and the plate more for the depth behind that.

"At the bottom of the session is a two-bus aux, which mimics the way I do the two-bus on the desk. The plug-ins are the UAD Massive Passive EQ, UAD API 2500 compressor, and the UAD Ampex ATR102. Depending on the song, I will choose 15ips or 30ips. In this case it was set to 15ips, half-inch GP9. That has a nice, aggressive, midrange push, and the GP9 bottom end goes that little bit lower. There's also a PSP Vintage Warmer, a Sonnox Oxford Inflator, plus a FabFilter Pro-L2 [limiter]. None of these things are doing very much on their own, but in conjunction give me the interaction I expect from an analogue mix chain."

[veeagainsttheday]

url + songs

Thanks to the lovely @direwolf-summer who tagged me in this VERY fun excuse to go through my music library and experience the extremely pleasurable agony of having to listen to a bunch of great songs in order to narrow it down to just a few.

Vossi Bop - Stormzy - the pandemic took a lot of things from us, and one of those things was the tickets I had to see Stormzy at a relatively small venue in April 2020. Prepare for the emotional journey of hearing 'Fuck the government and fuck Boris' in July 2022 vs. when this song originally came out in 2019. Evil Eye - Franz Ferdinand - The scream at the beginning of this song followed by the guitar! Fuck!!!! Evil - Interpol - This song more than any other reminds me of London 2004 and that, as we didn't say in 2004, is a whole mood

Andalucia - Crooked Fingers - I love a good song about the Spanish Civil War (this one and Spanish Bombs by the Clash) Genghis Khan - Miike Snow - Iconic music video/gay love story All My Friends - LCD Soundsystem - I want this song played as either the last song at my funeral or my wedding, whichever comes first In the Aeroplane over the Sea - Neutral Milk Hotel - indie kids of the aughts go wild for this one and I'm no exception. I have a ritual of putting on a song for that magical moment on an airplane when it starts to accelerate down the runway and you feel the possibility of flight but the engines are still straining to break free from the bounds of the earth and it is this song almost every time. Neighborhood #2 (Laika) - Arcade Fire - the song I have played most ever according to last.fm and yeah that checks out. Reference Laika and maybe Alexander the Great and I'm there. So Desu Ne - FFS (Franz Ferdinand + Sparks) - my fav track from one of my fav albums, it's just so much fun! FFS was the best live show I've ever seen. This Heart's on Fire - Wolf Parade - will sing this at the top of my lungs while pumping my fist with a moment's notice because I'm an incurable romantic and sometimes we rock n roll, sometimes we stay at home, and that's all right.

Tokyo Drifting - Glass Animals ft. Denzel Curry - this track feels like one of those long, hot summer nights where you're on a series of adventures with someone you have a desperate but undefined crush on, wandering through a city and seeing it in a whole new light. Humble - Kendrick Lamar - If I ever need to hype myself up, this song is the first one I'm playing, just walking around town whispering, "Bitch, be humble" to myself; plus I love Kendrick's stated desire to see an ass with some stretch marks cause boy same. Evil Has Never - Union of Knives - I have never heard another song by this band but I am OBSESSED with this one.

Death of the King - The Anniversary - D was the toughest choice I had; there were probably 20 songs I could have put here, but this song was the most epic of them all; I want to see a Hamlet-level dramatic production based on it. Atomic Number - Neko Case, k.d. lang, Laura Veirs - like every queer woman on earth I love this album and especially this track. The layering of their perfect voices!!!! Yoga - Janelle Monae ft. Jidenna - this song is the bisexual dream, both people involved are incredibly hot and it's sexy as hell.

Tagging some people who I'd love to know better! @durrelist @unwholesome-gay @lordrochestersmonkey @missmagoo18 @rubyroseoflyoko @assorted-aesthetics

[yourreddancer]

February 2, 2022 (Wednesday)  HEATHER COX RICHARDSON

Today, retired Army Lieutenant Colonel Alexander Vindman sued Donald Trump, Jr.; Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani; as well as Fox News Channel personalities, including Laura Ingraham, for obstructing an official proceeding “by intimidating and retaliating against a key witness.” The lawsuit describes an “intentional, concerted campaign of unlawful intimidation and retaliation against a sitting Director of the National Security Council and decorated military officer…to prevent him from and then punish him for testifying truthfully before Congress during impeachment proceedings against President Trump.”

Their goal, the lawsuit says, was to portray him as disloyal to the United States, a spy, and “a politically motivated ‘leftist’ within the military who was insubordinate and even broke the law.” In addition to the effect on Vindman himself, it said, the attacks “left a stain on our democracy.”

And so, on Groundhog Day, we have come full circle.

Vindman was a key witness in the first House of Representatives impeachment hearing in 2019. A Ukraine expert on the National Security Council, he had been on the July 25, 2019 call between Trump and Ukraine President Volodymyr Zelensky. After hearing the call, Vindman had reported to John Eisenberg, the top lawyer for the National Security Council, that the call was troubling, with Trump pressing Zelensky to deliver an investigation into Hunter Biden, the son of potential rival Joe Biden, in exchange for promised military aid to Ukraine so it could resist Russian incursions. Eisenberg told Vindman not to tell anyone else about the conversation.

Vindman’s opening statement before Congress recalled the American dream. He explained that his father, who had brought Vindman from Ukraine when three, was afraid to have his son testify against the president. Vindman assured him it would be okay. “Do not worry, I will be fine for telling the truth,” Vindman said he told his father, “because this is America, this is the country I have served and defended, that all of my brothers have served, and here, right matters.”

After Vindman’s testimony, he was ousted from the National Security Council, and his twin brother Eugene, a senior lawyer and ethics official for the NSC who had not been involved in the impeachment hearings, was also fired, escorted off White House grounds “suddenly and without explanation,” according to Alexander’s lawyer David Pressman. The two men were fired on the same day Trump told reporters that he was “not happy” with Vindman’s testimony.

On July 8, 2020, Vindman resigned from the military after more than 21 years, citing the “campaign of bullying, intimidation, and retaliation” led by the president for his decision to leave public service.

And now he is suing the allies of the former president, demanding they repair the damage they did, both to Vindman and to democracy. "The threat to our democracy came from a conspiracy among people within the highest reaches of our government and their close allies. President Trump and his aides and other close associates, including Defendants, waged a targeted campaign against Lt. Col. Vindman for upholding his oath of office and telling the truth."  “I filed this lawsuit,” he said, “because I believe in the active role all citizens must play in upholding our democracy.”

It’s an interesting moment. The former president is still strong. His fundraising emails, full of fake promises of 700x matching and dinners with the president, might sound just like scams, but they work: he started the year with $122 million in cash. He seems to be stockpiling it for himself; the only significant expenditure he has made is $1 million to a nonprofit, the Conservative Partnership Institute.

But things are not all ducky for him, either.That million-dollar payment to CPI is significantly higher than any other donation, and it went to CPI, where his former chief of staff Mark Meadows now works, weeks after the House created the January 6 committee, which has subpoenaed Meadows.

Trump’s social media platform, Truth Social, is supposed to go live this month, but when Business Insider reached out to Trump’s people—including to former representative Devin Nunes, who left Congress to become the CEO of Trump Media and Technology Group—to ask about it, no one responded. The investor presentation for the company was “so bad, it is laughable—literally says nothing,” one person to whom it was circulated wrote. The special purpose acquisition company (SPAC) behind Trump’s company is under investigation by the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission.

Yesterday, Trump tried to take back his statement of Sunday indicating he wanted then–vice president Pence to overturn the election. He released a statement saying he only wanted Pence to send the electoral votes back to the states “for reassessment.” This, too, would have been illegal, but it is significant because it shows he recognizes that his earlier statement adds to the case against him.

At his rally in Conroe, Texas, on Saturday, Trump promised to pardon the insurrectionists if he is reelected, and today Tara Palmeri of Politico reported that Trump had considered blanket pardons of the rioters, asking advisors if he had the power and if it was a good idea. Belying the idea floated by right-wing media that the rioters were “antifa,” he asked, “Is it everybody that had a Trump sign or everybody who walked into the Capitol,” who could be pardoned. Trump also wanted to announce that he was running in 2024 even before Biden’s inauguration, hoping to frame any future prosecutions as being politically motivated.

Representative Pete Aguilar (D-CA), a member of the committee investigating the insurrection, said on CNN that Trump’s promise is “absolutely” witness tampering. He wondered what it would take for Republicans to say enough is enough.  “I don’t know where the floor is on that side of the aisle,” he said.

  That seems a reasonable question, as right-wing personalities are upping the ante in their political rhetoric, echoing authoritarians in their suggestion that they will use the power of the government to go after those they consider political opponents. Charlie Kirk of Turning Point USA, for example, has expressed interest in arresting President Biden's chief medical advisor Dr. Anthony Fauci, saying, “[w]e are going to create criminal referrals…. There needs to be an example made of him.” 

As right-wing fury seems to mount, the House Select Committee to Investigate the January 6th Attack on the U.S. Capitol is quietly gathering evidence, and those testifying seem to be getting closer to the heart of the attempt to overturn the results of the 2020 election.

Yesterday, yet another member of former vice president Mike Pence’s team, top aide Greg Jacob, met with the January 6 committee for more than eight and a half hours.The leader of the Oath Keepers, Stewart Rhodes, has appeared before the committee this week and has answered “many questions,” according to his lawyer, although he has exercised his Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination with regard to other questions. 

Today, former Department of Justice lawyer Jeffrey Clark met with the January 6 committee for close to two hours. Clark backed Trump’s attempt to cast doubt on the election, and Trump entertained the idea of making him attorney general until Department of Justice leadership threatened to resign as a group if he did. Initially, Clark refused to answer a subpoena, and in December the committee voted to hold him in criminal contempt. The committee remained willing to talk, though, and apparently it now has.

We learned today that the committee has also subpoenaed from T-Mobile the phone records of Arizona Republican Party chair Kelli Ward and her husband, Michael Ward, both of whom signed a document falsely claiming that Trump had won Arizona’s electoral votes. The Wards filed suit in federal court today to block the subpoena, saying that because the Wards are osteopathic doctors who use their phones to talk to patients, the subpoenas violate patient-doctor privilege. 

Meanwhile, the committee has put off Trump lawyer Rudy Giuliani’s testimony while it discusses the scope of his subpoena with his lawyer. Today, committee member Jamie Raskin (D-MD) said that the committee expects to hear from Ivanka Trump, the former president’s daughter and White House advisor, whom the committee expects to call this week. 

Raskin also said public hearings will likely be held in April. This will make them uncomfortably close to the midterm elections, but they have had to be pushed back because of obstruction by Trump’s people.

And so we are back to where we were in 2019, when Vindman first reminded us that in America, right matters. At long last, will most of us decide that it does?

[our-time-is-now]

October 13, 2019 (1): But you’ll come visit us?

(previous play)

You can find more information about the authors, translators, content warning and additional information about the plays in the pinned post on our blog.

Sunday, 10:32 am:

David: ~they have talked for pretty long last night and afterwards he wasn’t able to fall asleep for quite a long time due to excitement and happiness, but still woke up before Matteo today and has made coffee in the kitchen~ ~has realized that it’s still completely quiet in the flatshare, but on his way back to Matteo’s room he heard quiet music coming from Linn’s room~ ~puts the coffee pot and the two mugs down on the nightstand and crawls back to Matteo under the blanket~ ~wants to cuddle now and have coffee and to then talk with Linn - and needs an awake Matteo to do so~ ~therefore cuddles close from behind and starts kissing along his neck~ ~nudges him slightly and murmurs~ Wake up… I have coffee…

Matteo: ~had already been looking forward to having a proper lie-in today yesterday~ ~but eventually gets woken up by kisses and can’t really complain~ ~grumbles something unintelligible and slowly rolls onto his back~ ~looks at David~ Mhmmmm… what time is it? ~throws an arm around him and cuddles close~ ~murmurs~ Where’s the coffee?

David: ~is happy when Matteo eventually grumbles and moves and smiles at him after he turned around~ Ten thirty or something… ~lies down on his back and wraps his arm around Matteo when he cuddles close~ ~tenderly runs a hand through his hair and grins in amusement at his question~ Umm… nightstand… but now you’re lying on top of me - now I can’t reach it anymore… ~but then sighs quietly~ Hang on… ~pulls away maybe a little too rudely and sits back up again~ ~pours them coffee and turns around to Matteo~ ~laughs quietly when he sees that he has closed his eyes again~ The good sir would have to sit up a little if he wants to enjoy his coffee… ~hands him a mug when he finally sits up and crawls back under the blanket again before reaching for his own mug~

Matteo: ~humphs when David moves and he lands between their pillows a little roughly~ ~pulls David’s pillow close again and closes his eyes again for a moment~ ~then hears David and grumbles again~ Okay… ~opens his eyes and sits up a little~ ~pushes the pillow up and leans against the wall and takes the coffee~ Thanks… ~blows a kiss toward him and blows onto his coffee before taking a sip~ Ahhh… so good… thanks… ~takes another sip and then sighs slightly~ Can we stay in bed today?

David: ~smiles when Matteo blows him a kiss and briefly kisses his head when he lies back down next to him again~ ~blows, also takes a sip from his coffee and grins slightly when Matteo enjoys it so much~ ~then hears his question and laughs quietly~ Hmmm… I’d say 90 % of the day should be possible… we need 5 % for the talk with Linn and 5 % for Hans and Laura… we’ll do the rest via WhatsApp from bed… ~looks over to him and lifts his eyebrows in skepticism~ ~jokes around a little~ Umm, hang on… yesterday was real, right? Moving in together and so on? Talking to Linn today? ~looks at him wide-eyed, but can’t quite hold back the happy smirk~

Matteo: ~nods when he says that they can only do 90 %~ ~but can’t really react properly because he’s just taken his first proper sip~ ~then laughs a little when he acts so surprised~ ~immediately plays along and gapes~ What? Hang on! Moving in together? The two of us? ~but then has to grin, after all, and kisses him properly~ Yesterday was super mega real. We’re moving in together… ~then takes another sip and looks around~ Although I have to be honest, I’ll also miss the room a little…

David: ~kicks him when he pretends to not know about it, but then hears him laugh and joins in~ ~tenderly strokes over his cheek when he kisses him and has some problems to not spill any of his coffee while doing so~ ~then beams again pretty happily when he hears his words and simply has to repeat them~ We’re moving in together… ~sighs and takes another sip from his coffee~ ~humms at his words~ If Laura really takes over the room then you can surely visit it as often as you want to! And of course we’ll say goodbye to it just as fittingly as we did with the bed… with the nicest stories and so on… ~smiles~ Although I’m also really looking forward to new stories in the new apartment! ~takes another sip of coffee and then puts the mug down on the nightstand~ ~cuddles close to Matteo and wraps his arm around his stomach~

Matteo: ~nods slightly~ Yes, visit… but then our stuff will no longer be in it… ~then listens to him and switches his coffee to his other hand when he cuddles close~ ~wraps his free arm around him~ Hey, don’t get me wrong… I’m really looking forward to our apartment… but still… this was my first own room… a lot has happened in here… ~presses a kiss to his head~ Did you hear if Linn is already awake?

David: ~humms when Matteo says that then their stuff will no longer be in it and has to grin slightly at the thought of his stuff only being in here for the past 1.5 months, anyways, but that to Matteo, it already seems to be so natural~ ~but because he wants to take Matteo serious he still says~ Okay, that’s true… ~looks up at him when he says that it was his first own room and nods slightly~ ~tenderly runs his finger over his chest and thinks~ ~can think of a lot of things immediately~ ~says quietly~ Quite a lot of great first times… I know… ~wonders if there’s still anything that could make it easier for Matteo, but can’t really think of anything off the top of his head~ ~plans on thinking about it later~ ~then hears him ask about Linn and nods~ I think so… at least there was music coming from her room…

Matteo: ~hummms slightly when David is so tender with him and feels so nicely understood once again~ ~then nods slightly~ Yes… a lot of great first times… ~nods when he says that Linn is already awake and takes another sip from his coffee~ Do we want to get it over with then? We’ll bring her a cup of coffee and explain that she’s the first one that we’re telling?

David: ~immediately sits up at his question and nods~ Yes, please! Because I really don’t know how she’ll react and if it gets bad then I really want to get it over with quickly… ~reaches for his mug again and also takes another sip~ ~nods~ Yes… and that we promised her that she’ll be the first one to know if something changes… and maybe we should also tell her about the prospect that Laura might be able to stay living here? As a consolation or something… ~takes a deep breath and realizes that he’s really a little nervous~

Matteo: ~nods immediately~ Yes, definitely, we’ll score some points with the prospect of Laura staying… and that we’ll try to not move too far away… ~then also sits up and puts his mug down on the floor~ ~gets up and quickly puts on sweatpants and a shirt~ ~then reaches for his mug again and looks at David to see if he’s ready~ Let’s get it over with… ~takes the coffee pot from him because he already has to carry two mugs and then goes to Linn’s room with him~ ~knocks and waits until he hears a surprised “yes?”~ ~opens the door and sees Linn sitting on her bed cross legged~ Hey… can we come in? We brought coffee…

David: ~had already put on sweatpants earlier when he went to make coffee and is therefore ready when Matteo is~ ~takes another deep breath and then goes to Linn’s room with him~ ~peeks inside behind him and smiles~ ~sees her looking at them in astonishment and then hears her say: “You’ve never brought coffee to my room before! But okay, you can come in… coffee is good. I haven’t had any today, yet.”~ ~enters the room with Matteo and immediately hands one of the mugs to Linn~ ~sees her beam and smiles slightly~ ~then simply asks~ And are you doing good? ~takes a look around in the meantime and thinks about if and where they could sit down~ ~eventually simply sits down on the edge of the bed when he remembers how often Linn has already sat on their bed~ ~then hears Linn again: “Until a minute ago I was doing really good. I had a pretty great dream… but now I’m a little confused and feel like you want to tell me something important. Was the TV too loud last night?”~ ~immediately shakes his head and looks at Matteo~ ~thinks that they maybe should have talked about who of them is going to tell her and waits for a sign from him~

Matteo: ~goes into the room with David and simply sits down on her desk chair~ ~hands the pot to David so that he can pour coffee for Linn~ ~briefly feels bad when she says that they’ve never brought her coffee, because Hans and Linn constantly bring stuff to their room that they have left over~ ~then sighs slightly when she says that she’s confused and looks at David, who’s also looking at him~ ~simply begins to speak~ Well, it is true that we want to tell you something… we once promised you that you’ll be the first to know if something changes… and… ~sees Linn staring at him and shake her head: “No.”~ Umm… what? ~sees Linn shake her head again: “No, I’m against it.”~ ~looks at David really overwhelmed~

David: ~smiles gratefully at Matteo when he starts, but then immediately looks back to Linn to see her reaction~ ~frowns slightly when she immediately says “no”, even though she doesn’t even know yet what it’s about~ ~briefly looks at Matteo, who looks a little helpless and overwhelmed, and then looks back to Linn~ ~says in a calm voice~ You don’t even know yet what it’s about Linn… ~sees her shake her head: “That doesn’t matter. It’s about change and I’m against change. There are only very few good changes.”~ ~shakes his head~ That’s not true at all… there are a lot of good changes. That Nepomuk moved in with you, for example, that’s a good change! Or that Alex has finally switched out the light bulb in the bathroom…”~ ~sees her looking at him hesitantly and finally hears her ask: “So you want to tell me about a good change?”~ ~briefly closes his eyes and grimaces~ Umm, well, depending on your point of view… well the positive thing is definitely that Matteo’s and my relationship got even more solid over the last few weeks… and that we now… well, we’re ready so to speak… to take the next step…? ~grimaces slightly, because he thinks that he somehow doesn’t sound like himself~

Matteo: ~looks at David a little skeptical when he talks about good changes~ ~is pretty sure that Linn won’t call this change a good one~ ~sees Linn looking from him to David and hears her say: “The next step?”~ ~nods slightly~ Yes, well… we know that at first, this might be a change that’s a little difficult… but… well… yesterday, David and I decided that we want to move in together… well properly… to look for our own apartment. ~sees Linn gape and shake her head again: “No. I know that it won’t be a good one. No, I repeat, I’m against it.”~ ~sighs slightly~ But Linn… ~sees her getting up and hears her say: “I’ll go get Hans. He’ll talk you out of it again.”~

David: ~is a little grateful that Matteo is the one who finally spills the beans and nods at his words with a confident smile, as if to signal her that it’s actually really a good thing~ ~but then sees her reaction and feels the smile drop from his face~ ~also slghs slightly and immediately says~ We’ll also try to find something in the neighborhood… then we’ll come visit you guys very often! And you can also come visit us anytime… ~but then sees her getting up to get Hans and was just about to call after her that they wanted to do her a favor and talk to her first, when she’s already disappeared from the room~ ~exhales and looks at Matteo~ Phew… that won’t be easy…

Matteo: ~nods in agreement to David’s words~ ~calls after Linn~ Stay for a little longer, Linn… let’s talk first… ~then also sighs and looks at David~ I think we blindsided her… ~runs a hand through his hair~ Now we’ll get the full truck load… ~then sees Linn appear again with Hans in his bathrobe and Laura in her loose shirt and shorts in tow~ ~hears Laura ask a little worried: “Whats wrong?” and then Hans: “Linn told us you have to tell us something very horrible? Did you break up? You’re not that stupid, right?”~ ~immediately shakes his head~ What? No! Definitely not! ~sees Laura looking at David: “Okay, what’s going on?”~

David: ~slightly shakes his head, because he also doesn’t have the slightest clue what they could have done better so that Linn doesn’t feel blindsided~ ~then says~ I really can’t gauge Hans… couldn’t it also be possible that he’s just happy for us? ~then hears steps in the hallway and is a little relieved that Linn didn’t only bring Hans but also Laura, because he feels like Laura will definitely have their backs~ ~looks at Hans in horror when he suspects a break up and nods at Matteo’s words~ Never! ~then sighs quietly at Laura’s question and looks up to the three of them~ Don’t you want to sit down first!? ~sees all three of them crawling onto Linn’s bed, briefly looks at Matteo and then at the three of them, especially to Laura, takes a deep breath, smiles slightly and then says~ Yesterday, Matteo and I decided that we’re going to move in together! ~sees Laura smile immediately and has to remember their conversation from a few days ago~ ~is relieved to see in the look on her face that she has their backs, but can’t really enjoy the feeling because then he hears Hans: “Well those are really great news! I don’t know what’s supposed to be so horrible about it… David will stay living here and all’s well.”~ ~immediately shakes his head and now looks at Hans~ Umm, Hans… no… well yes, for now… sure… but we are planning on finding our own place… our own apartment… only Matteo and I… ~quickly adds~ That really doesn’t have anything to do with you guys! You are the best roommates ever… but two people in one room and so on… that’s not a solution for forever…

Matteo: ~looks from one person to the other~ ~is glad this time that David is taking care of the announcement~ ~sees Laura smile and is relived~ ~but then sighs when Hans misunderstands them and when David has to correct him~ ~sees him looking from one of them to the other: “What? But why that? Do you no longer like it here with us? Butterflies, you can’t do that, you can’t just decide that!”~ ~hummms slightly and then says quietly~ Yes, we can. ~looks at Hans~ Sorry, Hans, it’ll be also difficult for me to move out of here, but it’s about David and me here. About our decision. We want something to ourselves, we want that everything belongs to us and that we can leave the door to our bedroom open if we want to… we want, sorry, privacy. ~sees Linn pressing her lips together tightly and hears Hans immediately say: “But you can also have that here. I’m sorry if I don’t always wait for the “come in”, but I can change that, really! We’ll set up stricter rules, you’ll get one evening each week just to yourselves, ok?”~ ~sighs and only shakes his head slightly~

David: ~smiles slightly when Matteo says that they want everything to be theirs and nods at his words~ ~then hears Hans’ suggestion and looks at him partly lovingly and partly slightly desperately~ That’s really super nice, Hans. But we don’t want to shoo you away. And we don’t want you to change your habits just because of us. ~hears Hans again: “But that wouldn’t be a problem for me! And it wouldn’t be a problem for any of us to leave the flatshare to you guys for one night a week, right!?”~ ~sees Linn immediately shake her head and add: “And you can also make yourselves at home here however you want to. The kitchen and the living room… we can change it if you don’t like it the way it is!”~ ~shakes his head again and carefully tells Linn~ That’s not what it’s about, Linn… well, yes that, too, but not only that… you can’t just submit and bend yourselves only so that Matteo and I keep living here… and also the thing with us having the flatshare to ourselves one night per week… that’s really a super nice offer… but we want… just not privacy according to a schedule, you know? ~sees Hans and Linn shake their heads at the same time and looks at Laura pleadingly~ ~sees her smiling at him slightly, but then turn to Hans more seriously: “I can understand the two of them. Look Hans, if you want to be left alone for a while then you go to Michi’s… and you, Linn, you go to your parents… the two of them don’t have any other place to go to right now… and…”~ ~sees her looking between Matteo and him and then sees her grin slightly before adding: “Maybe their relationship is also simply ready for the next step. That’s quite normal… and eventually, for many couples there’s a point where they go find their own place. They would have moved out eventually, anyways… just imagine they really get married one day… or they’ll adopt children or something… do you really want them to still be living at the flatshare?!”~ ~looks at Laura gratefully and then looks at Linn and Hans expectantly~ ~has imagined all of this to be easier~

Matteo: ~can understand Hans and Linn and also finds it somehow flattering and cute that they want them to stay so much~ ~but nods emphatically in response to David’s words~ And we really want to find something close-by, so we’ll come visit you guys really often… ~then also hears Laura and is very grateful that at least one person is taking their side~ ~finds the argument about marriage and children a little soon, but accepts it if it changes Hans and Linn’s mids~ ~hears Hans: “Of course! I’m a top-notch babysitter!”~ ~has to laugh a little~ I really believe you… but, well… actually, the decision’s not really up for discussion… we wanted to talk to Linn in advance to make it easier for her, but we didn’t really want a group discussion. ~looks at Linn~ Sorry… ~sees Linn looking a little downtrodden~ And hey, when we move out, then Laura can stay living here and take over our room… well, if she wants to? ~looks at Laura questioningly, who immediately nods enthusiastically: “That would be great!”~

David: ~nods at Matteo’s words and adds~ …and of course you’re always welcome at our place anytime! ~then hears Hans’ words about being a babysitter and groans half in desperation, half in amusement~ ~hears Laura: “Don’t be silly, Hans! You would be the first one to complain about the noise if you couldn’t sleep in after a party!” and Hans again: “Then I’ll just sleep at Michi’s place after parties…” and Laura again: “…and you’d have your privacy there…”~ ~then nods vigorously when Matteo says that the decision isn’t actually up for discussion and can also see that Linn looks really downtrodden, but that she’s also looking at Laura questioningly when she hears Matteo’s suggestion and that she smiles slightly when she agrees~ ~hears Hans: “I think that would really be in my little Chameleon’s favor - only one change instead of two or three…”~ ~smiles relieved and briefly thinks that they should have mentioned the thing with Laura from the beginning to somehow ease Linn into it~ We’ll really do everything in our power to find a place by December 1st… if not, then we’ll need a short-term solution… that Laura will move to a friend’s place for a month or to Alex’ place… or that Mia will stay at Alex’ for a while or something like that…. ~sees Hans wave it off: “Oh we’ll manage it somehow. If I have to, I’ll move to Michi’s for a month and Laura can move into my room in the meantime…” and hears him sigh theatrically: “Oh, my little butterflies… they grow up so fast… of course, I knew that the day would come eventually, but that quickly… I didn’t expect that…”~ ~grins slightly, but then gets more serious again and looks at Linn a little worried~ Everything okay, Linn? You’ll get Laura in exchange for us…? And we’ll still see each other very often?

Matteo: ~smiles at Laura and is really grateful to her that she’s coming to their rescue like that~ ~also likes all the various short-term solutions and is happy that Hans seems to warm up to the idea a little~ ~smiles when he says that they’re growing up~ Yes, we weren’t expecting that, either… but David somehow managed to get accepted into some really awesome flatshare and then I got jealous… ~grins slightly~ ~looks at Linn when they’re talking about her verdict about Laura staying~ ~sees Linn looking from David to him and then to Laura~ ~sees Laura smile and then sees Linn smiling carefully, as well~ ~hears Linn: “Okay. But you’ll come visit us?”~ ~sighs in relief~ Of course, very often.

David: ~grins at Matteo’s words and looks at him in mock punishment~ Yes - and just in time as well! Two hours later and I would have gotten myself into the awkward position of having to cancel on them after already agreeing… ~then looks at Linn in anticipation and sees her looking from one person to the other and finally hears her give her okay~ ~sighs in relief and nods at Matteo’s words~ ~then hears Hans: “Well, then everything’s resolved… Come here my butterfly! Group cuddling!”~ ~grins slightly when he sees Hans holding out one arm to Matteo while he already has the other one halfway wrapped around Linn and Laura~ ~feels Laura’s arm around his neck and also reaches an arm out for Matteo while hugging Laura with the other one~ ~laughs quietly when Matteo also throws himself onto the bed and briefly thinks that he’ll really miss stuff like that a little bit~ ~then hears Hans: “Alright - today we’ll have breakfast in Linn’s bed! We really should keep this tradition once you move out: Having breakfast in bed once a month!”~ ~laughs~ Sure! And Matteo and I’ll just walk through Moabit in our pajamas real quick…

Matteo: ~grins at David~ Timing has always been my strong suit~ ~slightly sticks his tongue out at him~ ~laughs when Hans demands a group cuddle and goes over to them~ ~squeezes everyone and presses a kiss to David’s cheek~ ~then smiles at Hans’ demand and smiles even more at David’s comment~ If there’s one place in Berlin where you can walk around in your pajamas, then it’s in Moabit. ~hears Laura laughing and hears Hans say: “Oh nonsense, you’ll just store pajamas here and then you’ll just get changed. It’ll work.”~ ~laughs and nods~ We’ll do just that! ~then hears Laura: “Okay, then let’s have breakfast now, who’s going to help me?”~

David: ~leaves his arm loosely around Matteo’s waist after they have pulled away from the group cuddling~ ~laughs quietly and shakes his head~ I definitely won’t walk through Moabit in pajamas! ~nods at Hans’ suggestion~ I like that more! And you guys do the same at our place - if we do that, then we’ll take turns with your place and our place! ~grins and is happy that everyone agrees~ ~then hears Laura’s question and nods~ I’ll help you… we should also make more coffee - there’s not much left in the pot… ~hears Hans: “And tea!”~ ~nods~ And tea! Of course! ~gets up, but leans back down again to quickly but tenderly kiss Matteo~ ~murmus quietly~ See you in a minute… ~feels relieved that they have the conversation with the flatshare over with, but is mostly really looking forward to what’s to come in the near future~

Matteo: ~then also nods at the final suggestion~ Yes, we’ll take turns, I like that… ~was just about to offer his help to Laura when David already does~ ~smiles when he kisses him again and quickly runs a hand through his hair~ See you in a minute… ~smiles and looks after him but then gets pinched in the side by Hans: “Well, my butterfly, so this means that you’ll fly off again? Then we won’t even have lived together for a year…”~ ~looks at him in surprise~ True… but it seems longer to me… ~hears Linn: “To me, as well. I liked it like that.”~ ~smiles at her~ So did we… but we’ll still see each other and we’ll really try to find something as close as possible, I promise.

David: ~goes to the kitchen with Laura and first brews more coffee while Laura puts a tray on the counter, but then doesn’t put anything on it and instead leans against the fringe and grins at him~ ~grins at her slightly but also looks at her a little confusedly~ What?! ~sees her grin even broader: “One day, huh?!”~ ~shrugs and can’t really suppress beaming happily~ One day is a very vague term… ~has put the coffee machine on and is now boiling water for Hans’ tee~ ~hears Laura while putting plates on the tray: “But it really was in your favor that two weeks ago I said that I’d immediately take over Matteo’s room, wasn’t it?”~ ~grins slightly~ Yes, somehow it was… at least that calms Linn down a little… and now help me - I thought /we/ were making breakfast… ~hears Laura sigh and sees her opening the fridge, taking out a few things and putting them on the tray while he puts a tea bag in Hans’ santa mug~ ~eventually hears her ask: “So? Are you looking forward to it?!”~ ~briefly throws her a secretary’s-office-look, because it’s bound to be pretty obvious, but then laughs happily and nods~ Obviously, right? ~sees her nodding mock seriously but still amusedly: “Totally obviously! Come here!”~ ~just gets hugged by her and also squeezes her close~ ~hears her murmur: “I’m happy for you… for both of you! I’m sure it’ll be great!”~ ~is a little emotional and murmurs a quiet ‘thanks’~ ~she lets go of him again and he sees her grin now: “And most of all, I’m happy that I’ll also gain from it: A cool room and finally no longer the stress of looking for an apartment!”~

Matteo: ~is talking to Linn and Hans a little while longer until David and Laura return with breakfast~ ~they eat and laugh together and he hopes that they’ll really manage to see each other regularly even once they move out~ ~then he and Hans take care of the washing-up and then he and David retreat to their room, where they are looking for apartments some more~

(next play)

[sufjanstevensworship]

My Favorite Movies

**minor spoilers ahead**

Marriage Story

Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson star in this 2019 movie. Adam and Scarlett play a couple in the process of getting a divorce. They were happily married for a while with an 8-year-old son, but now their wants and goals do not align with each other. This movie shows the struggle of divorce for the couple and the kid(s). Laura Dern was the only person to win an Oscar for this movie. She won for best supporting actress. Both Driver and Johansson were nominated as well as the film for Best Picture and Best Screenplay.

As a child of divorced parents, I felt drawn to this movie. I saw the parents struggle to keep their son Charlie happy, but the fight over custody was brutal and heartbreaking. Driver and Johansson’s characters fight and scream in the biggest moment of the movie telling each other how much they hate the other. It is emotional and powerful to see this once happy couple despise each other. I have watched this movie twice, but I am always eager to watch it again when I learn that someone has not seen it. Adam Driver is one of my favorite actors so of course he is a big reason why I enjoy the film so much.

The BlacKkKlansman

Directed by Spike Lee and produced by Jordan Peele among others, the lead actors in this film are John David Washington, Adam Driver (are you sensing a theme here?), Topher Grace, and Laura Harrier. Based on a true story, Washington plays a Black police officer from Colorado named Ron Stallworth, and Driver plays his Jewish partner, Flip Zimmerman. Set in the 1970s, Washington and Driver’s characters both infiltrate the Ku Klux Klan (KKK). Stallworth Calls the KKK and poses as a white man. When Stallworth is invited to one of their meetings, he asks his partner Zimmerman to go and pose as him. Stallworth eventually becomes a member of the KKK after many phone calls with Grand Wizard David Duke. In the end, the two are able to prevent the KKK from doing something terrible, but I will let you find out what that is. The film won one Academy Award for Best Adapted Screenplay.

I really enjoyed this movie, so much so that I went to see it twice in theaters. It was released in 2018, almost a year after the “Unite the Right” rally in Charlottesville, Virginia. This rally was full of white supremists, neo-nazis, and anti-Semites, to name just a few. At the end of the movie, there is a montage comparing the racism of the 1970s to the racism that is still around today. I cried in the theatre both times while watching this montage. Sadly, this movie is just as relevant today as it was in 2018 and is extremely moving.

Fight Club

Directed by David Fincher (who produced the Netflix shows House of Cards and Mindhunter). this thriller/drama movie premiered in 1999 and stars Brad Pitt, Edward Norton, and Helena Bonham Carter. It is hard to talk about this movie without completely spoiling it, but I found it to be an entertaining watch. If you have seen the TV show Mr. Robot, you will probably enjoy the themes of this movies. If you have seen this movie and not Mr. Robot, go watch it now! Mr. Robot is a more modern-day version of Fight Club and for those that prefer shows to movies, like me, I would suggest it over the movie. Both address the rich elite and the forgotten about poor. Fight Club received polarized reviews. There were many that hated it when it was released, but it has now become a cult classic. It is ranked number 12 on IMDb’s top 250 movies list.

[franchufeuillassier]

Best sports moments of the year: Luka Doncic 2019 ROTY

Part 3/∞

[hlupdate]

On November 18, 2019, a website promoting a mysterious place called Eroda (“No Land Quite Like It”) arrived on the internet. Two days later, the official Twitter account for this fictional frown-shaped island began teasing local seaside attractions. You may have missed it, depending on which corners of the internet you choose to lurk, but not if you were a Harry Styles fan, a group that went into pure overdrive trying to figure out what it all meant.

I, for one, missed it at the time. I was unaware this account was cryptically quote tweeting fans as they tried to piece together what was happening, what it meant, and what it could be connected to (Greek Mythology and Lostwere a couple of theories posed in comments, Twitter threads, and Reddit). Meanwhile, the Columbia Records marketing department had been hard at work for months, devising this specific and highly-detailed campaign around the music video for Styles’ second single, “Adore You” from his second solo album, Fine Line, ever since he shot the video in Scotland in August 2019 (Eroda = Adore backwards — clever!).

But it was all leading up to the morning of Friday, December 6 when the video was released, one week before the full-length album arrived. Up until that point, I had never seen an entire Harry Styles music video, but what happened next was inevitable. Somehow, as a self-proclaimed boy band scholar, I had never paid much attention to One Direction. I kept a distant eye on Styles since they disbanded, intrigued by the decisions he was making in his solo career. But I hadn’t yet realized I’d been in the ring all throughout the fall of 2019, fighting to resist the inevitable fascination that awaited. First came the jab of Rob Sheffield’s Rolling Stoneprofile, followed by the cross of “Lights Up”, a song that cracked my Top 20 most listened to songs of the year despite being released just two months before Spotify so thoughtfully compiled that personalized playlist. Then there was the hook of his SNL hosting stint in November (and bless you Bowen Yang for that Sara Lee sketch), which then leads us to the “Adore You” video, the uppercut and ultimate TKO. I surrendered in what felt like a near instant. I was now a Harry Styles fan. (If we’re following this analogy, I sat up to spit out some blood after seeing that cover of “Juice” before my head quickly hit the mat again with a loud thud).

Maybe it’s not quite remarkable that I took time out of a Friday morning to watch a music video, but that I sat at my desk, in an office, with other people around (back when we did those kinds of things) and proceeded to wipe away a few tiny tears from under my eyes by the end of it, was an experience I had not been through… maybe ever? In a world of lyric videos and TikToks, actual, thoughtful, impactful music videos with a full (and sweet!) story are about as rare as a glowing and growing fish these days.

Ultimately, “Adore You” does everything a music video should do. In nearly eight minutes, this video uses excellent visual effects in a cool and interesting way, tells a compelling and heartfelt story, is anchored by an irresistible leading man and an adorable sidekick, is backed up by the catchiest song you could ever dream of, and culminates with a touching and hopeful ending. It’s a treat for the eyes and the ears and the soul. It’s innovative and the kind of thing that begs you to watch it more than once to catch all the details (and yes, I do tear up every time).

So one would think that an award show with the specific purpose of celebrating this type of creativity would be extra sure to nominate such a charming and effective clip, but alas, “Adore You” was overlooked in the MTV Video Music Awards main categories this year. Of course, some could argue that that fact only adds to the video’s credibility but I’ll do my best to not be that petty as I’m still rooting for it to win in the three technical categories where it picked up nominations: Best Visual Effects by Mathematic, Best Art Direction by Laura Ellis Cricks, and Best Direction by Dave Meyers, who remains one of the most inventive and influential directors of all time and whose videos with artists such as Missy Elliot, Pink, and Kendrick Lamar have been racking up nominations for nearly 20 years now. He also saw four other videos he directed get recognized this year: Normani’s “Motivation” (Best Chorography), Travis Scott’s “Highest in the Room” (Best Hop Hop and Best Visual Effects), Anderson .Paak’s “Lockdown” (Video For Good), and Camila Cabello feat. DaBaby’s “My Oh My” (Best Cinematography).

But I reached out to Meyers to specifically ask about the intricate details of “Adore You” and how it all came to be; how he captured such a vibe with the overcast and dreary weather, mixed so wonderfully with the charming oddities of the people that make up this world of Eroda. In addition to directing the video, he also co-wrote the story with Chris Shafer and said, “It’s the first idea that popped to mind after the first listen to the song, and the first idea I pitched to Harry. It was a story that underscored my understanding of what Harry stood for and felt it was necessary to tell it as a narrative to convey his optimism.”

The extended version of the video starts with a two-and-a-half-minute introduction to the world of Eroda, narrated by Rosalia. This includes the “peculiar” people and their professions on the island, meeting The Boy (Styles) and his glowing smile that most people try to avoid, and the quirky superstitions these people continue to live by. “It all served a purpose,” Meyers said of the details. “The superstitions were a set up for how society generally reacts to different things. They fear change or oddity, even if it’s what’s best for them.”

Meyers, however, did not share in that fear, as much of this video provided for interesting and new opportunities he had yet to experience throughout his decades-long career, which he listed off: ”Compelling narrative, CG character, remote location, Scottish crew (nothing fazed them),” also noting that all of the other characters in the video were locals as well. So perhaps they were less fazed by the atmosphere across the four-day shoot in Scotland, but as Meyers recalled, the “weather was nuts. It rained every 20 minutes, then the sun, then cloud over.”

However, it’s likely that Mother Nature is also a Styles fan, as Meyers recalled, “I seem to remember going up on the hill for Harry’s picnic with the fish and being worried that it was so gloomy. By the time we came to shoot, the sun came out. And then the sun went away as soon as the scene was over. Similarly, we had the worst storm when Harry was contemplating suicide at the start. Pouring rain, drenching him. So I guess in that sense it was fun watching how Scotland provided a backdrop for the emotions we were after.”

And hey, at least they had the weather on their side to add to the mood while shooting the video, as one of their main characters, well, didn’t exist. “It was very odd shooting with no fish,” Meyers admitted. “But was quite rewarding later seeing it dropped in and making empathic sense to the story we were after.”

Of course, the main character they did have on hand is an awfully useful and appealing one at that. Fans became enamored with the moment Styles uses the back of his hand to check the temperature of a coffee pot before dumping the fish inside the water so it could stay alive. I asked Meyers about this particular moment and he said, “The problem we had was apparent when Harry ran in and threw the fish in the pot. We all sorta felt — well, what if it was hot? So I believe Harry improvised that as a solution and we felt it was perfect for the character’s sensitivity and consideration for this poor fish.” And that’s not the only nice thing he does for his fish friend — he also serves him a tiny taco! “The taco was a whimsical way to express friendship between Harry and the fish,” Meyers offered. It looked pretty tasty, too.

The entire video serves as a showcase for what Styles does best and what makes him such a unique artist: his music, his acting, and his charisma, which Meyers knew would offer him a lot to work with. “Harry is a leading man. I felt that from my first meeting and wanted to play with his wonderful range of emotions. So finding a story with a real character arc was part of my focus in building this world.” Meyers described working on “Adore You” as an “all-around memorable shoot: awesome location, lovely Harry, compelling story, great effects, and… it worked.”

It did. And it was a risk: a video this complex and detailed (and one has to assume, costly), attached to a marketing campaign that proved to be even more involved, still came with no guarantee that the fans wouldn’t shrug it off. But as Manos Xanthogeorgis, SVP of Digital Marketing & Media at Columbia Records told Billboard last year, “When you have a video and a piece of art at such a level, it’s an incredible challenge for the rest of the team to build a campaign at that same level of artistry and creativity.” Oh, and that was only step one, as the marketing team engaged in “real-time marketing” with fans online, ensuring they would continue to remain engaged by dropping clues and clips in the lead-up to the video premiere and subsequently the album. “This whole campaign was around mystery and sometimes mystery is more powerful than knowledge,” Xanthogeorgis said. The Twitter handle has remained active throughout 2020, used as a continual marketing tool for Styles’ next videos including the Meyers-directed “Falling” and this summer’s hit, “Watermelon Sugar.”

With that kind of fan engagement, “Adore You” seemed like a no-brainer for the fan-voted categories of the VMAs this year, as they surely would’ve turned out to vote just as feverishly for this video as they did when searching for clues (about a made-up island, at that!). But hey, maybe MTV was just not interested in massive fan engagement this year — after all, it’s not like everything Styles does, including growing freakin’ facial hair, has the internet in a tizzy for weeks. Ultimately, as the impact of music videos (and certainly the ceremony celebrating them) continues to lose relevance, the disregard of this specific project simply feels like a missed opportunity to acknowledge a rare achievement in the art form.

While Meyers was sure to describe his inclusion in the VMA nominations this year as “lovely and flattering” (and he better have a moonperson in his possession this time next week, MTV!) it’s still puzzling why “Adore You” wouldn’t be included in the big categories, considering Styles is squarely within their demo, at the very least. That “Adore You” is also a technical and storytelling masterpiece, as well as a full moment that was used as inspiration both for the experience online and in-person at the Fine Line Spotify listening party last December, that also comes packed with one of the most enthusiastic groups of fans around, well, that should have had the entire network drooling.

Of course, some of this can simply be chalked up to a perfect storm. As far as his singles go, “Lights Up” was a nice appetizer, but “Adore You” remains the delicious entree (you already know what’s for dessert). “Adore You” is a perfect pop record if I’ve ever heard one (and I have) and deserved a special video. A Chris Isaak “Wicked Game” sexy vibe wasn’t going to work here. The song tells the story of such passionate, pure, and heartachingly naive and innocent love that it almost had to be directed toward a non-human being. Instead, Styles chose to inject those same carefree, sweaty, sticky, delicious, whimsical beach vibes into the “Watermelon Sugar” clip, which was the right choice, and not just for the summertime season (MTV has since added the Song of Summer category to the VMAs and included “Watermelon Sugar”).

But it’s “Adore You” that has melodies that bring a smile to the faces of babies, get your toes tapping even when you hear it in the dentist’s chair, and likely has my neighbors rolling their eyes when I sing along to it in the shower. The song is so simple it’s deep, a theme reflected in the video, as is the central reminder to help and care for others, a thoroughly 2020 message.

However, not all is lost. Both “Adore You” and “Watermelon Sugar” continue to rack up major spins at radio with the latter hitting number one on the Billboard charts earlier this month. Grammy voting kicks off at the end of September and Academy members should take note. Not only is Fine Line more than worthy of being acknowledged, but having Styles on hand to potentially collect trophies and perform is in your best interest when it comes to viewers and online chatter. Do not wait to take him seriously. This is the album, this is the time. Prove that you aren’t a bunch of stodgy old white men who think he’s just for teen (and um, thirty-something) girls, but that you understand the music he enjoys, is inspired by, and subsequently makes, is the same rock music you appreciate as well. An artist like Styles can be both of those things at the same time, and really, the best of both worlds. Give the album a listen, and then one more to let it all sink in. If you have not yet succumbed to the force that is Harry Styles fandom, I truly can’t recommend it enough — and please know that it will get you eventually.

[nako-doodles]

30 Questions Tag

tagged by @jiminslight @jihopes & @jinbestboy 🥺🥺 thank you darlings 💖✨

name/nickname: shirley

star sign: scorpio

height: 5’7

birthday: oct 26th

favorite band: as of this moment: my ankle band (and i guess epik high, bts, dreamcatcher, day6, one ok rock, shinee, wondergirls)

time: 11pm

favorite solo artist: lee hi, sohyang, suran, sunmi

song stuck in your head: ngl still hung up on jin's avengers moment. gonna be dangling there like his chokers for the rest of forever. catch me replaying his prechorus vocal run from now to the end of forever.

last movie you watched: the babies demanded that i play happy feet today for our last class before summer

free space! *dances around like a fool* love you 💖💖

last show: asobi asobase aka the funniest most chaotic anime about 3 girls trying out-do each other in games

when i created this blog: 2018 methinks but ive had tumblr on and off since....2011?

what i post: the occasional pixel art i guess?

last thing i googled: when did turkey move its capital to ankara? bc i was teaching istanbul and the bosphorus to the kids and they asked. its 1923 for those of you wondering. after the fall of the ottoman empire.

other blogs: no idea how yall do it w that multi blog nonsense

do i get asks? im a teacher. fielding asks is basically my job.

why i chose my url? been space cowboying since 2019 but bass boosted now w ptd jin

following: 323 (back again w my palindromes)

followers: ive had a couple toddlers follow me around the school does that count?

average hours of sleep: doing my darnest to get at least 8 bc im old and need the zzzs to have the stamina to follow children around all day

lucky number: 11

instruments: mad white board marker compass wielder. i guess i also know the piano and flute.

what am i wearing? white puffy sleeved embroidered croptop, black grid high-waisted lounge pants, baby pink sneakers

dream job: get paid to do absolutely nothing fuck capitalism

favorite food: all manner of warm hearty soupy things....nabe, hotpot, soup dumplings, noodles, curry, stew.....

tea or coffee: depends on what im eating tbh

nationality: *sigh* american

favorite song: according to my itunes: epik high's here comes the regrets ft. lee hi and day6's i would

last book i read: the last book i finished (and cried over) was paul kalanithi's when breath becomes air and one more read through of the phonebooth in mr. hirota's garden for the kids (yes its a picture book but its still one of the most incredible books ive ever read). i just started reading laura van den berg's i hold a wolf by the ears (so far reading very much like having a conversation with a upper middle class white suburb millennial) and frances cha's if i had your face (a woke youtube video analysis on east asian modern society). if someone has books to rec me pls hmu. im struggling.

top three fictional universes i would like to live in: a world where i dont have to wear a mask in 40 some degree weather many thanks 💖💖

tagging: @cafejoon @stargazingjin @taemaknae @mintagust @loverjimin @jung-koook @taee @taejinnies @tae-bebe & anyone who wants to ✨