#last year this wouldve killed me so sorrow is an improvement i think
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god i am so sad. just like a rly deep sadness that has settled inside my chest. my default is always numbness and never sadness so this is weird
#max.txt#i am trying so very hard to not be sad though. for my own sanity#but the sadness is forever. at least right now#life is just tragic and i am so sad about it and i cant fathom ever not being sad again#not even in a clinical depression way just like how do you move on#i distracted myself with jumping to bat for 2 friends who were#deeply horrifically wronged#but it just kinda masked the sadness and im also sad For them#and also for my neighbor and for myself and for the future and the past#is this what sorrow feels like. am i. experiencing sorrow#i think i am experiencing sorrow#last year this wouldve killed me so sorrow is an improvement i think#i have gained resilience this year#but sorrow still sucks and i dont know how to feel anything else#other than the most profound devastating sadness i have ever experienced
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