#last time she gave birth she started to completely ignore the first child that she already wasn’t great towards

[wikipediaboyf]

I love my family but Jesus Christ they suck sometimes

[anamericangirl]

Hi, I'm pro-choice (or pro-abort as you say)

i want to have an actual discussion, a lot of left-wing people just want to throw insults and punches out and thats kinda stupid. I think that women, should have a say in the matter of abortion. I think some people are using abortion as birth control. which is stupid. birth control is definitely needed in those situations, not an abortion. i dont really think teens should be having sex, but lets face it; they do. abortion is needed (when the mother wants to) for girls that have been raped, for incest, for teens who wont be supported, for mothers who may die, for people who were being completely safe and arent ready.

whats your take on my opinion?

Hi there, I definitely agree there are many cases where abortion is used as birth control and throwing out insults and stuff, regardless of what side you’re on, is stupid and unnecessary. I also agree that teenagers shouldn’t be having sex, even though they do.

The last half of what you wrote I think is where we start to disagree.

I’d be interested on what you mean when you say abortion is “needed.” Because when I hear someone say abortion is needed, I get the impression they are saying it’s necessary and has to happen, regardless of what may or not be wanted.

So if abortion is only “needed” in those cases if the mother wants it, but not “needed” if the mother doesn’t want, then that kind of implies it’s not needed in either scenario.

- For rape, I can certainly sympathize with the mother and understand why she might want an abortion, but I don’t think it’s needed and I think it’s still not a justification for abortion. The foundation of my belief is that the unborn are completely human and completely alive from the moment of conception and abortion kills a baby and I don’t think it’s ok to kill people because their mother was raped. We don’t even kill the rapist, so the baby certainly doesn’t deserve the death sentence. What I do the mother needs in this case is thorough medical care, emotional and even financial support. Abortion does not reverse rape or trauma and can even bring more trauma to the woman, which the pro-abortion lobby doesn’t ever highlight. And there have been plenty of testimonies of women who gave birth after rape who said they found it to be incredibly healing.

- As for incest, I generally consider that the same as rape unless this encounter was consensual. If it was rape my answer is the same as above but if it’s consensual why would the baby need to die?

- When we’re talking about a life or death situation for the baby, which we are in abortion, a teen girl who might not be supported is not justification for actively and intentionally killing a child. There are other options here that a lot of people seem to ignore or forget about.

First, there’s adoption.

Second, there are several pro-life organizations that offer support to people in exactly those situations. Let Them Live is a really good one that raises money and items for teens and women who don’t have any support elsewhere. Crisis pregnancy centers are also very good places to receive pregnancy support for free, including medical help. They get a bad rap in the media because they help women without providing abortion services but they are great places for any woman who is pregnant and needs any kind of support. Local churches are also a good place to seek out help and support.

- We are often told that abortion is necessary when the mother might die, but that’s actually not true. There aren’t any cases that threaten the life of the mother where the treatment is an abortion. In cases that threaten the life of the mother the baby is either already dead or dying. Those are medical emergencies and she should be seen at a hospital not an abortion clinic. Those cases are usually treated by delivering the baby early, not killing them. The mother should absolutely be treated as necessary and every effort should be made to save both lives. Many times both lives can’t be saved and the baby may die anyway in efforts to save the mother, but not because they were intentionally killed by an abortionist.

- In cases where people used protection and got pregnant anyway I absolutely don’t think abortion is justified. That’s essentially using abortion as birth control.

When looking at these issues, you have to ask yourself if you would be ok intentionally killing a born child in any of these cases and if you’re not then you shouldn’t be ok with aborting a baby in any of them either because it’s the same thing (there’s also the fact that abortion just isn’t safe, even for the woman, and it doesn’t become safe just because someone wants it or is struggling).

Abortion is never the answer.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PROPAGANDA

STEPHANIE (EVERYMANHYBRID)

1.) Aw jeez. Starts out as a really interesting peripheral character with a lot of knowledge the main (male) characters don’t have and a unique voice and perspective, but almost as soon as she meets the main guys her role is reduced to Girlfriend, she gets vanishingly little screen time, and almost no attention is paid to her role in the larger plot. The story instead favors the male characters and their relationships. This is despite the fact that she’s metaphysically tied to the guys in the same way they are to each other (past life multiple reincarnations deal) - much attention is paid to the fact that the dude characters have this relationship to each other but this gets almost completely ignored for Steph! And then her boyfriend gets her pregnant (we hear nothing about it or her feelings on the situation until after her death) and THEN her boyfriend gets possessed by an evil murder entity who kills her. Also cannibalizes her infant daughter (yeah, for a misogyny bonus round, we know that the dead baby is a girl). After this, Steph disappears from the story completely - the next time she gets mentioned again is her boyfriend monologuing about how bad he feels about getting possessed and killing her. It’s a horror story, and during that point in the plot a lot of characters get killed off in grotesque and cruel ways - but it’s especially bad to the point of misogyny for Steph because 1. she’s the only woman at that point, every other female character has also been killed and 2. she gets so little focus and is not mentioned after her death except in the context of her boyfriend’s manpain. The other major character that gets murdered concurrent with this gets an eight minute video all to himself - Steph’s last appearance before she’s confirmed dead is less than a minute long and she shares the video with the death of a much more minor male character. It fucking sucks man. And we do know that her actress wanted to leave the project and had to be written out, but doing it in such a shitty, perfunctory way, having it be at the hands of her boyfriend, focusing on her baby and her boyfriend’s pain as if all that matters about women is their reproductive capacity and the fact that men have feelings about them sometimes - it’s bad! They put her in the fucking fridge dude!!! As an addendum - this one can’t be entirely blamed on the series itself because the fans came up with the nickname and the character approved it in the fiction, but still - before we knew her actual name, Steph was known as DAMSEL. christ alive.

2.) Completely Fridged. she was a promising standalone character and then the actress left the project and she went from Cool Artist with A Bone-Deep Lifelong Struggle with the paranormal to She Gave Birth And Then Died ¯_(ツ)_/¯ free my girl she should’ve done so much more shit

3.) She was killed by a demon possessing her boyfriend right after having their child and then both she and the child were literally never mentioned again except to underscore the boyfriend's pain

MEGAERA (HADES) (CW: Abuse Mention)

1.) Zag's male lover, Thanatos, gets to be an ally on roughly equal terms with Zagreus. Their love story is romantic and beautiful, and his long term childhood crush on Zagreus is acknowledged and handled. Megaera is the first boss in the game, and once you reach a certain level of progression it is almost impossible to lose to her, she is FAR behind Zag and Than in terms of canon power level. She and Zag are ex lovers, because Zag was kind of a dick to her, but the narrative never lends her a voice to these feelings after they start dating again. It's not even clear if they DO start dating again - she just bursts into his room one night and starts domming him again. Her thoughts and feelings are never given center stage the way Than's are, despite being a DEEPLY interesting character in her own right, born into the position of head torturer where it is strongly implied she was abused or at least deeply fucked up by her sisters (or at least Alecto). However no one is ever willing to explore that trauma or how her inability to form bonds with people outside the context of hurting them (for shades' pain or for Zag's pleasure) is a character FLAW that could be explored with a lot of nuance but haha dommy mommy who cares about who she is on the inside as a person she has kinky sex with Zag and that's all that matters amirite

[dragonologist-writings]

Title: With Grace In Your Heart Fandom: Pillars of Eternity Rating: T Status: One-Shot Characters: Original Character (Desta), Aloth, Hiravias, Pallegina, Tekēhu Ships: Minor Desta/Aloth Additional Notes: Backstory, Character Study, Godlike Characters Word Count: 2.2k Summary:

They say she is a child marked by the gods. (One day, she will realize she is so much more.)

read below or here on ao3

Give back to the Lord of the Hunt what is his, they tell her, and it takes the woman nearly a year to take the advice.

She tried. Hylea bless her soul, she did. But she doesn’t know what to do with a child like this. When she first saw the baby, she had thought it was gripped with a strange sickness, and she had mourned the child she thought would soon be lost. But the baby lived, and it was soon evident that this was no medical affliction.

The woman had given birth to a godlike.

Everyone knows the rumors of the strange kith touched by the gods at birth. Each god has their own markings that they grant to their chosen, and there is no mistaking this mossy, bark-skinned babe as anything but a child of Galawain.

The woman lays her bundle softly on the forest floor. She knows she is not the first who could not handle the so-called blessing the gods have given, and she knows she will not be the last. The baby fusses in its wrappings, and the woman gives the child one last, long look. Its sickly green face peeks out from the blankets, mottled by sprouts of fungus. The stubs that will one day grow into twisted horns are clearly visible poking out above its forehead.

Worst of all are the eyes. The woman believes- or perhaps wants to believe- that she could look past the strange features if she could only look into the child’s face and see a reflection of her and her husband, the way children are meant to be. But the eyes looking back at her are completely foreign; yellow and slitted and oddly luminescent, they speak of something the woman knows she will never understand, even if she had the desire.

When the child was born, the midwife warned her that raising such a thing would be difficult. Sometimes, she had said, it was best to return the child to the gods. At the time, the woman thought she could fight fate through sheer stubbornness. Now, she’s tired of pretending that this is the family she wanted.

So she leaves the child in the wilderness. This is Galawain’s child, after all, and these woods are Galawain’s domain. Let him decide what should be done. The woman wants nothing more to do with it.

(One day, Desta will stand before the gods and argue with them about souls. She will look up at Galawain and search his face for a hint of recognition. She will wait for him to make a claim to her soul, her life, her choices. She will not know if she can give him trust or forgiveness until he asks for it.

He will not ask. He will not call her 'child'. He will merely call her 'mortal', as if she does not bear his touch at all. Desta will almost lose her temper then, will come close to demanding he acknowledge her and tell her why. But she will not, because there are more pressing matters at hand, and because she refuses to give him the power of making her angry.

In the end, despite everything, she will have too much pride to plead for answers.)

The abbess says that all things happen for a reason. She says that Galawain led the group of hunters through the forest to where Desta lay in her blanket. She says that Hylea moved their hearts and told them to bring the godlike baby to the temple. She says that Ondra gave her the blessing of a fresh start, with no memory of the parents who could not care for her.

She says that to be born like this is a gift, one the ignorant villagers do not understand, and that Desta is meant for great things.

But Desta’s life is full of contradictions. Outside of the temple, people stare at her and recoil from her touch. Even the hunters who call her good luck are unnerved by her presence when they visit to make their monthly offerings.

And although she prays every day, Galawain is always silent.

(One day, Desta will split a bottle of wine between two friends that are the same as her and yet wildly different. They will speak of blessings and curses, and although their interpretations vary as greatly as their appearances, the common thread of the unusual will bind them together.

In the end, Desta will look back on all the odd things she’s seen in her life and think it strange that something as trivial as leaves growing from her skin was ever made into such a big deal. There are far more interesting things than that. There are men who embrace their gifts and use them to guide their people with compassion deep as the ocean. There are women who reject their shackles and forge their own fates with iron hearts and loyalty that reaches the skies. These people will inspire Desta more than any god ever did.)

The chapel is silent when Desta enters for the last time. She kneels and prays and meditates, and she waits for some kind of answer. When none comes, she goes to the forest beyond the temple walls and repeats the process.

Elayne wants her to stay with the clergy. Despite Desta's restlessness, the abbess still believes she was meant to serve the gods. Desta thinks of the future she would have there, all her days spent in sedentary worship, and she can feel the slow death it would be. The hunters agree with the abbess, but they serve their god in the wilderness, in the hunt. They would take her if she asked, but Desta has tried to learn their skills before and failed miserably. If she cannot string a bow or track an animal, what would she be to them other than just another offering of goodwill to their god?

In the end, Desta only knows that feels nothing from Galawain. She should, shouldn’t she? If she is truly his daughter? And yet he means no more to Desta than the mother who abandoned her so long ago. She has spent years learning his tenets, his teachings of survival and strength and the hardships of the natural world. For a long time now, she has been wondering if there is more out there than Galawain’s stark brutality.

So she refuses both fates and sets off on her own, ready to find out who she is when she is not in Galawain’s shadow.

(One day, Desta will compare stories with another who once prayed to Galawain for answers. He will have been less lucky than her, and will bear the scars to prove it.

Galawain, he will eventually say, is a god of tests and survival. He does not give what is not earned. He does not nurture. He lets nature run its course, and only when the strongest have proven themselves worthy will he then acknowledge them.

That won’t seem right to Desta. Life may not be fair, but perhaps the gods should be. The orlan will finger his eyepatch and shrug and reply that it’s all a bit bullshit, isn’t it?

Desta will laugh and agree, because this scarred man is one of the most resilient people she’s ever met, and if Galawain couldn’t see that to begin with he must truly be blind. And she will know that neither of them ever needed a god's permission to be strong, anyway.)

The Living Lands are wild and vast, and Desta spends years drifting through them. She keeps moving because she’s curious, and she wants to see the world and all the strange things within it. She keeps moving because it’s all she’s done since she left her temple, and she doesn’t know what else she would do with herself.

Most of the people she meets are wary of her- not all, but enough that she’s accustomed to the strange looks. They don’t bother her anymore; she’s long stopped caring what other people think. If all they see in her is a suspicious, bedraggled traveler covered in overgrown foliage, there’s not much she can do about it.

Desta keeps moving because she’s searching for something to call home, where people look at her and see something more.

(One day, Desta will meet a man with a sheepish smile and thoughtful eyes and a mind that never stops running itself in circles. They will travel and talk and save each other’s lives on many occasions, and it will take Desta nearly six years to finally kiss him. Her heart will pound with joy when he kisses her back.

When they’re together, she will feel a peace she’s not accustomed to, and he will look at her with wonder. Their love is their own, quiet and private, but when they go out in the city they will stand close enough that their knuckles brush. He will give Desta a small smile, and Desta will know that he truly sees her.)

The Kind Wayfarers light a spark inside Desta.

She is on the road alone, injured and cornered by a drake, and they appear from nowhere with weapons in hand. She can’t take her eyes off them, these brave warriors that protect her so valiantly and ask for nothing in return.

“What god do you serve?” she asks, because surely they must serve somebody.

But the paladin only gives her a proud smile and says, “We serve the kith who need us.”

Desta’s breath catches, and her soul fills with hunger for this light, so clear and strong. “I want to be like that.”

The paladin surveys the godlike girl, with her mace and her travel-worn clothes and her mossy skin and her undisguised passion. “You’re a strange one, all right. You’ll fit right in.”

They take her in and teach her their ways, and when Desta takes to the road again it is with a new mission burning in her heart. This is who she is- not a lonely child, an aimless traveler, an oddity whose fate is tied to the hands of the gods. She is, above all else, a protector. A guide. A Wayfarer.

(One day, Desta will be told what it means to be godlike, and her blood will run cold. Berath’s voice will betray no emotion when she speaks of how the godlike- their children, she calls them, their fucking children- belong so completely to the gods. How they can be possessed. How they can be absorbed for energy. How they would so readily use and discard the lives of those they claim to favor.

“Fuck you,” she will tell them, and she won’t care what they might do to her. “Fuck all of you.” She will see only proud indifference in response. No protest. No guilt. And despite her anger and her hatred she will pity them, these lonesome creatures who have lived too long and seen too much and have no grasp on what it means to love somebody.

“Just wake me up.” Berath’s gaze will be heavy, but it will not intimidate Desta the way it did once. They both know there's too much at stake to send her to the Wheel now. “We’re done talking.”)

Desta collects wildflowers from the fields and braids them into her hair. She decorates herself with blooms of purple, red, blue, orange, bright shining yellow. The flowers are woven into crowns around her horns, laced through the bands of her clothing, even wrapped into the grip of her mace.

Over time they fall away or wither, but new ones always take their place. The point isn’t to keep them forever. The point is that while they last, they’re beautiful and colorful and they make her smile.

Sunflowers are her favorite. She loops a particularly large one through her hair and studies herself in the makeshift mirror of her silver armor. The flower both distracts from and complements her mossy skin, blends with the ferny fungus that crawls down her neck. It takes her weirdness and transforms it, turns it around and throws it back to the world with a brand new color.

Desta can’t do anything about the weeds that cover her body. But she can always make sure there are flowers in her hair.

(One day, Desta will watch The Wheel itself crumble before her eyes. She will be angry and afraid and helpless to stop it, and for a moment she will wonder what the point was in ever trying. Then she will shake herself off, adjust the sun-dried flowers in her hair, and tighten her grip on her mace.

She was speaking truth when she told Eothas she believed in this world, and in the people’s potential to help themselves and each other. And now, more than ever, she has a lot to prove. She has a lot of work to do and a lot of choices to make.

She will make those choices on her own, without the help of any gods, and she will continue to believe in the goodness of the world with all her heart.)

[florisbaratheons]

Anyone else annoyed with the foreshadowing stuff for team black using the team green stuff. I mean im annoyed...(I feel like I'm in the minority but i want to tell still...you can ignore this if it is dumb)

1. Why are they making a big deal out of creepy!viserys refusing milk of poppy and sticking it out for his "only child" when in the books he is just obese and goes out that way. I'm annoyed coz this is aegons main plot point and was the few things i liked about him (his bond with sunfyre was another) : that he wants to be there for his family and milk of poppy numbed his senses so much that he lost so many and doesn't want to lose the remaining people he has by being unconscious eventhough he is in severe pain.

2. Vhagar roared and was super pissed when aemond lost his eye: they just ignored that and when rhaenyra gave birth to visenya they put a scene for her (which to me did not look aesthetically in place/ bad cgi maybe?), when it is known that syrax-rhaenyra bond is not that special...syrax even killed her son (i think the show will ignore and change this 🙄)

3. Laenas death scene: why the hell did they put that dumb "i want a dragonriders death by burning alive"??? No one says so in the books. It was the worst thing especially since she is a black woman in the show and they kill her violently and in the books where she is a white woman she has such a beautiful scene with her husband. Why can't they let her have a peaceful scene like that? Of course i feel it is to show rhaenyra in the end when she gets eaten/burnt (which i think they'll change to burn only) it will be some badass great awe inspiring scene. I dont like that they take away daemon/laenas love and treat laena horribly without thinking about the racial connotations. I can't believe ppl liked the change. (I know she's not green but still I want to talk about it)

Why can't the showrunners read and stick to the books and not take away the little goodstuff that the greens have and give to the blacks? Sorry for the rant.

Omg, anon, if you are still around, I am sooooo sorry. I started to answer this the day you sent it, stuck it in my drafts, and completely forgot about it.

It definitely does seem that way, that they transferred some of Aegon's book plot to Viserys. I definitely think they are going to dumb down Aegon's injuries and have it not be as bad as it is in the book. Especially since Viserys rotting away was not in the book. And it's fascinating to me with how shitty of a father they made Viserys when in the book he actually does give a flying fig about his other children, Helaena is particularly close to him and brings the babies to visit him all the time, while in the show they transferred that over to where she brings the babies to Alicent instead.

I will forever be ticked off they cut Vhagar having a fit when Aemond had his eye cut out. And it's really interesting to me how the show laid it on thick that Rhaenyra and Daemon have perfect bonds with their dragons and Syrax feels Rhaenyra's pain, but we didn't see Sunfyre at all and Aegon's bond with him was supposed to be incredible, the same with Dreamfyre and Helaena, and the time we see adult Aemond with Vhagar, he loses control over her.

Laena's death was terrible. That was not empowering, and anyone who thinks so is weird. Her death in the book was...idk, for lack of a better word, soft. Laena's life in the book was much happier and much more fullfilled. She was able to travel around with her family, visit Driftmark, have two beautiful babies, had her bestie Rhaenyra coming to see them all the time. Her death was heartbreaking because she wasn't able to get to Vhagar for one last ride. But it wasn't that garbage that the show produced.

I totally understand the frustration! It definitely makes me nervous about season 2, since we are heading into the first huge battles of the war, and new characters being introduced. My witch queen Alys is on the way and I am soooo concerned they are gonna make her a secret black or something. I have all my fingers and toes crossed that they are going to stick closer to the book this go-around since Ryan Condal seems to be a huge book fan. And GRRM is supposedly (just a rumor I heard) going to be in the writers' room as well. But honestly, my biggest worry is time. They still have shitloads of material to go thru and the showrunners seem determined to wrap this up in four seasons and season 2 is ALREADY 2 hours shorter. That is a immense concern of mine.

[jadesccfinds]

Kaia & Koa aged up! {Koa Life Update}

I can't believe they are young adults now. Their story has developed so much since the last update.

Koa had the biggest life changes as a teen.

He got his girlfriend (at the time) pregnant, so he decided to graduate early and move out to start his new life. Jenna gave him $20,000 (much less than she wanted to give him, but Koa wanted to work for what he wanted), which he used to purchase his first rental property.

He got a job as a Life Guard and got a scholarship to university. He was so excited to start his new life and wanted to do right by his son, so he gave Leann a promise ring.

She gave birth to Leo Price. He's basically Koa's mini-me.

Things were going great for a while but it was getting hard to juggle uni, a baby, work and managing a property. Leann wasn't helping much with the baby and it was clear she wasn't mature enough to handle it. This put a lot of strain on their relationship.

*Leann is erratic and gloomy.*

He would come home from work at 9pm after a long day and meet his son hungry, needed a diaper change and a bath, and she would be watching TV. Completely ignoring her crying child.

He decided to break up with her because it wasn't working.

She became very depressed and started neglecting Leo even more. She didn't want to move out and wanted to try to get Koa back.

It was too late though. Koa had already started exploring a romantic relationship with another sim from high school who was friends with his twin sister.

It didn't last long, though, because she caught him flirting with another girl and said she was thinking about breaking up.

Koa took that as an opportunity to continue flirting with this new girl. He was Very Attracted to her. From the outside, she ticked all the right boxes. He really wanted to get to know her better but he had to focus on uni.

He currently had an F GPA and needed to get his grades up before he lost his scholarship.

The next day, she called him and asked to go on a "Get To Know Me" date. Koa dropped everything and went.

They hit it off romantically and quickly got to know each other's interests, and turn-ons and turn-offs aligned. He started picturing a future with her. This was a first for him. It was exciting.

He thinks he might be in love, but it might be too early to tell.

[blondrichclosetwitch]

I don’t want to have schizophrenia*

“Dear father bob

I am sorry it has taken me until tuesday to start this. I’m looking forward to seeing you on thursday. I will be referring to the tarot throughout this letter as my main teacher in nyc has been a tarot reader who I believe is one of two women who was at the head of this whole thing.

In 2006 (the strength card) I had alot happen. My mother’s cousin john messina who i considered my “guardian angel” committed suicide, the czech boy honza who renamed me died of aids, i was ganged up on by a self-described “coven of witches” at work and lost my job, my best friend left me for nyc, an abusive chef moved in as a roommate and psychologically terrorized me, and in this time i met an old astrologer named Random, who was a friend of my friend Brenda and insisted on meeting me based on my birth chart. He said i was “the second coming of Persephone”.

At the time I had no idea what that meant.

We only spent three months together. I was a bad student. I wasn’t ready. Too full of trauma. He died in 2012 before we got the chance to make peace. I was devastated when I found out.

I came to nyc on feb 28 2012 (the star card, 17, new beginnings) to talk to my ex who had left me over six months before. I was very traumatized and nyc was very hard. I had 9 sublets in my first year. On may 19th 2012 i met Jakk( the judgement card, awakening 20). We had a date that lasted 10 hours. He was in an open relationship with his girlfriend Blond. I had chosen to go on a date with him because i wanted to get better at jealousy issues and sharing ( at that time I only wanted to get back together with my ex). But in a short amount of time, jakk became my closest friend and i fell in love with him. He was truly my best friend.

On 8/26/12 we became pregnant. We wouldnt know for quite awhile. That date comes to the world in the tarot. Completion, reward, success, triumph, liberation. It would be the most tender love-making we would ever ever have.

I was pushed, hard, into terminating the pregnancy in my 12th week. We found out in my 9th, and at that point i was smoking marijuana daily just to deal with my anxiety. I had no sense of self intact. I went back and forth, asking others for guidance. No one believed in me except for my mother. I cancelled the first appt. And Jakk yelled at me in such a way that i was shaking. There was a girl who had texted me and said i was creating destruction and practically gave me the steps to make it all happen. I was cracking under the pressure. My mother was in the ER and unreachable when it came down to the final hour when it was still possible and so i let jakk take me. 10/24/12 the hanged man. Life suspended. Transformation of personality. Prophetic powers. It was the most violent experience of my life, more violent than any rape or even being hit by the car, and i always felt like part of me died on that table. The hurricane came mere days after and i went out screaming in it. You lose yourself when you give up a child and when you are already psychically open like i am. I was already open before that.

I never met blond. She yelled insults at me twice on the street but we have never had a verbal conversation.

I wanted to.

I think i started to go a little crazy after the termination. I do. I became less here. But it wasn’t until march that the baby started hanging out around me as the duedate was approaching (5/17/13 19 the sun joy and happiness), and I started to talk to her. At this point I started writing plays to deal with my experience (not very good ones). Right before the duedate was when the TR emailed me for the first time. She was a tarot reader in nyc that “somehow” i came across and she messaged me on 4/5/13 (the devil card #15 discontent, depression, illness, misuse of force, materialism, ignorance, overindulgence, negative magic). I believe the mind control had already started way back then. I had already started working with her “life partner” a jungian astrologer and follower of amma’s and in a state of desperation had reached out to the TR wanting a tarot reading to which she had not replied. “Life partner” does a project based on the astrology and different themes., and I have been working with different energy intuitives since 2002 ( I had a very dysfunctional family)so i needed something to sink myself into. At the time i did not realize that the TR and “life partner” worked together.

5/19/14 (4 the emperor stability/ oppression, depending how you look at it) our anniversary. Blond and Jakk had gotten engaged, and i was informed that he didn’t know what this meant for us. He had found the ring in his blazer pocket and she wanted a special dessert that was only for special occasions, and voila. This event had happened on a “sun” day and he told me that he thought Blond probably knew the ring was there when she brought him the blazer which hadn’t fit him in over a year.

7/16/ 14 saw jakk and he told me he knew we were frustrated because we wanted full-time relationships with each other but because he was promised to Blond we couldn’t.

I started seeing a psychoanalyst. Very established.

7/18/ 14 hit by a car right after midnight that threw me the distance of four cars. (the hierophant: captivity, servitude, fear of being the outsider and accepts conformity without question) i was shaking nonstop for hours in bellevue. My body could not stop. Later it was explained to me that random had created a vortex to pull me up up save my life. i would not walk for 12 weeks. During the day jakk brought me books and videos, including one from blond titled witches nurses and women healers with a burning bush on the cover….which seemed odd.

After the accident jakk disappeared pretty much,(partially preparing for the wedding which would take place in october) and i started to go crazy. I finally started to deal with the baby that i hadn’t had, in therapy, and i would say that i was in dangerous waters that entire fall/winter of 2014.

In january 2015 i did the project based on goddesses that “life partner” and the TR were doing together. Before this i knew nothing really about goddess, wicca or the like.

Jakk and i hadn’t spoken for 4 or 5 months but then during the goddess project we started again. I kept asking for a face to face to talk about the baby. In April 2015 the TR and I did a tarot reading in her apartment and she said we weren’t done. From the moment I did that tarot reading The TR was part of my life. I wrote her my thoughts. Starting the next day. Told her I wished i had known her when i was ten. I’d save my money and do tarot readings about jakk and blond basically every -3 months, or whenever an emergency happened. She was an instagram model and i would save images of her on my phone. I also had pictures of blond on there, partially because i had feelings of love for blond. I would always ask how blond was doing.

I have 10 recorded sessions(many phone or video) with the TR in 2016. 2016 is the year of the hermit. This is one of the most mystical cards of the tarot. I spent pretty much the entire year in seclusion. She was my closest ally and teacher. The hermit is both silent cousel in the positive and vices and foolishness in the negative.

On my bday the TR did a reading at my house that was 4 hours long, and then she took me out to dinner to lanza’s. She explained that I was so sensitive because I was a special kind of healer, a rarity in the world. At this point she told me to start working with the baby by making her candles, and that jakk’s dead mother was in the room, upset at what jakk was doing with his life (at being with blond). She told me blond had cut herself with a mirror when jakk tried to leave her. I started disassociating like crazy at some point( i believe it was at dinner) and felt very sick (the TR is absolutely obsessed with al capone) and got the sense that i never wanted to see the tr ever again. The subway ride home was the most painful ever. I couldn’t quite put it all together.

Shortly thereafter was the tarot project that “life partner” and the TR co-led. It was at this point that i truly started to go off the deep end. I thought it was because the neurologist had finally found damage from the accident and she had me on the wrong combo of meds, but i now have come to find that blond “life partner” and the TR were doing spells together every day to make me go crazy. They stopped on day 21 when i wrote life partner an email saying i realized i had misjudged her the year before.

Jakk and i had a fight on the street on 6/18/16. It was considered our breakup. The hierophant. I was destroyed. I saw him once on the street after that and then i have never seen him since which is strange since he lives around the corner.

On July 14, 2016( the hermit card) the Tr came to my house to do our last in person tarot reading before she was moving to chicago (where i originally was from and where my family still was) and brought me a painting of a tarot reader she was selling me for 300$ (most of her artwork was at least double that). She was pushing me at that point towards a trip to Italy with Life Partner that had been presented. I had just seen Life Partner for the first time in a year and she showed me pictures of where it would be and for the first time in my life I felt compelled to go to Italy (I have Sicilian roots). In this reading she said how the Magician the Hierophant and the Hermit were showing up and how all my magic would happen there.

August 14th(the emperor) ( I have records of this is when I started to get ill. On Aug. 19th (the hermit) I went into ER for 9 hours. My stomach was bloated so I looked 6 months pregnant. They thought I needed my appendix out.

The TR instructed me to do a working for communication between me and Jakk and so I brought all the materials with me on a work trip despite being ill and on aug 23rd i had a fire in my hotel room(the emperor) that could have taken over the whole room. I had had a house fire as a freshman in college in which we lost our dog. I spent the next two days sobbing in my bed, or bath, trying to figure out how i was going to explain this to the manager and also reliving my young memories.

On Sept 5th(hierophant) I found the pendulum that had been in the fire. At that point I only used a pendulum for asking about clients. That night I had a dream about the baby. The baby’s name came to me. Louise Sutton. Sept 8th (the strength card, positive: love over hate/ negative: abuse of power , lack of moral force) I went to my friend Cyrus who is a psycho analyst who said that it came to “i lose you suddenly” or “i lose a ton”. I started to use the I went to the park near my house and had my first vision. It was of Jakk and Blond divorcing, followed by Blond being outside of my house with a gun the following night. In those 36 hours I started to see so much violence, I cannot tell you. I was using the pendulum whenever I wasn’t working to find out what was going on (“hooked on the drama”) and to me, I actually thought all this was happening. For 48 hours. I thought Jakk got shot and was in the hospital, and then that he was in the police station pressing charges, and left him voicemails, and when he finally texted me back to say it was “totally imagined”, I cracked.

To be clear, this was the beginning of what I consider my psychic opening. I never openly heard spirits before then.

This was the first time I remember touching a tree for support. Because i couldn’t stand. Before this I was being told that Jakk wanted to get pregnant asap and that it was possible for Louise to come back to us. I’m telling you all these details because I am fully convinced now that they were trying to drive me crazy or to suicide with the baby or divorce storyline. The TR knew more about me Jakk and blond than anyone.

There was obviously a question as to whether to go to italy or not but my analyst pushed me to go. As did friends. I told my friend joy that i kept seeing myself drowning in ana capri. I left on the chariot day with a completely breaking body (9/16/16) which continued to break down over the next 4 days. Whatever condition i had in late august was intensifying, and I had no idea what was happening. I finally saw a doctor who put me on a super strict diet of chamomile tea and rice. Around this time i started to bond with the tart cards on my own, without the TR and it sort of took me out of that death mentality. I started to fall in love with italy and i started to hear the birds, see the sky, feel like i might survive after all. I was extremely sick but i was starting to feel like there was a morning after. I have since realized this was the moment that Gina came to me.

When I got back to nyc i felt whatever had been giving me information around me once again. Within the hour. The calm had left me and i was overcome with an edgy panic. I picked up the pendulum that i had left at home asked it’s name. It spelled out gina. I asked if she was good or bad. She said good. The next day i found out the other spirit, the one who had been giving me info before, was random, my astrologer who had died in 2012. This was around sept 27th. They started running the story that Jakk was divorcing Blond by Sept 30th. After my return from Italy i started taping my sessions with Random or Gina, bit by bit.

On oct. 5th I did a session with the TR and she explained that Gina was an italian strega who had connected to me to teach me my magic and who was invested in my relationship and the baby.

On Oct. 6th again there was talk of Blond having a gun and her coming after me and Jakk. I was told to warn Jakk who still was not talking to me or responding to me despite the fact that I had been diagnosed with a semi-serious stress-related disease.

On Oct. 7th my niece was killed in a car accident, she was inside the car that her mother was driving. Niece was my kindred spirit. She was 9, and I hadn’t seen her since 2014 because of my accident (I really had nearly died, and coming back into the world was hard, andmy family had issues with me...my brother and I had had a fight the year before when I had been raped and he basically had cut me off from the kids at that point.) My mother called me the morning of the 8th to tell me and I went into complete shock. I told Random to bring her to me, and within the hour I was communicating with her. I cannot explain to you how different her energy felt from Random or Gina’s but I can tell you it was my niece and we were overjoyed to be together. Learning to communicate with a 9 yr old who had just transitioned was so intense, i couldn’t even grieve because i was with her all the time, trying to communicate and ask her questions and let her know i was there for her.

I’ll spare you the details but let’s suffice it to say niece was with me all the time. All the time. We walked to coffee together and i was never without the pendulum in my left hand. I took my job as aunt very seriously. She started playing me songs as ways of communicating her thoughts. The first three were angel, knockin on heaven’s door, and paradise city. She told me these were connected to my brother and that he was suicidal. She liked me to sing to her and do dance routines, and eventually she got me going to the trees.

On 11/16/ 16 (the moon) the TR instructed me to do a “cut and clear “ spell right before thanksgiving and by this point i believed i could read jakk’s responses to my emails through the pendulum. Or to my text messages. Even though he would not respond. The idea is it cuts out what’s in the way so you can “see”.

On 11/23/16 (the chariot, moving forward) i finally saw that my father has sexually abused me. I asked gina about a dream i had had since i was a child. About what truth there was to it. She told me it happened. I did a session with the TR about it and she sent me to do a shamanic journey with her friend Langston.

On dec 18(the hanged man) that is when stuff really started to come into my mind. First it was the accident. All this time i’m being told Jakk is in the process of leaving blond , mind you. On the 18th i was shown that blond did a spell to cause my accident. On solstice i was told the shooting happened again ( i saw the vision of the shooting at least 4-5 times) and that blond too was in the hospital and they convinced me to talk blond into coming into the light which i did for three hours. I even went to the park and lit a candle for her since it was solstice. Shortly thereafter i did another cut and clear specific to blond, instructed by random, and i started to see that blond had done a bunch of spells on me, and that the car one was specific so that jakk would never be able to get me pregnant ever again.

The spirits told me I needed to do a banishing to make blond stop doing spells ( i didn’t even know what a banishing was) and as I was looking through a box for something I found a postcard of Nusch eluard and sonia mosse by man ray that I had bought at age 19. I asked niece if it meant anything to her, and she told me it was us. She proceeded to tell me over the next couple of days that this was one of our past lives, that she was Nusch, that Jakk was her husband, that I was her lover Sonia, and that blond was Pablo Picasso. I sent this to Jakk via text on my birthday 1/3/16.

My last reading w/ the TR was right before New years.

The spirits said on the 15th that Blond was still doing spells, so I messaged that to Jakk and then at the spirits suggestion facebook-messaged Blond’s mother asking to meet the next time she was in NYC. *Immediately* my work started getting attacked. Niece was saying Blond had called the cops on me. The phone had been ringing off the hook.

Niece had already started getting me going to the trees in December in a daily ritual integrating song and touching trees. It calmed me down. We had a special song, and eventually we had a special tree. Eventually i found out her name is sarah. One day i was told to bring a big branch home and now i carry it with me at all times. Niece then got me to CT for work to get me away from Blond’s influence.

*Up there it was introduced to me while doing the tree ritual that Niece had been my child in a past life. She said I had been the Virgin Mary and that she had been Jesus Christ (I am just telling you what I was told). I went into shock. At this point God started talking to me. Whether it was Him or not I do not know. I was told if I started working with the Bible he would protect me from Blond: I was to read the ten commandments at they are in the bible, 3 psalms a day, psalm 91, and do a cord cutting against Blond and my father. I started doing this and before you knew it, the bible started working on me. It started resonating.

Shortly thereafter “nusch”/Niece said to fix things in the past life between me jakk and niece we needed to let the sexual energies merge. I told you a little bit about this on the phone. They would have melook at innocent pictures of Niece & Jakk while I self-pleasured with the pendulum in my mouth. It was explained to me that Niece could “bring” Jakk to me somehow and this is why i am convinced that it was mind control, that someone was either pretending to be Niece or controlling Niece. They would have me put the branch under my feet while i did this. I made unbelievable creature-like sounds. It became unreal, but I never caught on. I thought it was because I was spending so much time with the trees. Meanwhile they were telling me i was becoming daphne and that i could not use the phone or the internet, and that Jakk was now schizophrenic, and that I needed to get him to a hospital. I’m going to send this one and get started on a follow up.”

[gaia-aviva]

I wish we found out what happened to Gino. But we got no closure and he just left without having the decency to say goodbye. I like to imagine he got his comeuppance. Here's my headcanon:

He goes back to Italy with Rose. They get married and have three children. Remember though, he wanted sons. Their first child is a girl, but Gino's not disappointed yet. After nearly being stuck in a childless marriage he's just relieved to finally have a child. Plus the next one will surely be a boy. They name her Isabella and since she's his first child and borderline miracle she becomes Daddy's Little Princess / Golden Child.

The next child is also a girl. Giulia. Alright, the next one will be a boy.

Their third child is also a girl and because of complications during her birth, Rose is unlikely to have any more children. They name her Flavia and Gino low-key resents her for both not being a boy and being his last chance to have a son, a resentment that will only deepen over the years.

Rose dies when the youngest, Flavia, is five and Gino is left to raise three daughters. Isabella remains his princess but he can't relate to his other two girls, Flavia in particular. Isabella is a traditional young lady but Flavia, while not a tomboy, is definitely not. He finds fault in nearly everything Flavia does, and Isabella joins in on it. Giulia, the middle child, is pretty much ignored but she notices her father and older sister are always unfair to Flavia and so ends up becoming close to her as a result and the two of them stick together. And that's the family dynamic for years.

Things change somewhat after yet another business venture of Gino's fails. He comes home completely drunk ranting about how he's accomplished nothing in his life and all he has to show for it are a bunch of "worthless girls". The next morning he doesn't seem to remember anything he said but the damage is done. Flavia and Giulia knew on some level their father resented them but to have him explicitly say it hurts. But they soon accept it and see it as liberating. Now that they know nothing they do is ever going to be good enough for him they can stop trying. They'll start living their own life and pursue their own interests instead of trying to please their father.

Isabella on the other hand is devastated and wonders if she also counts as one of his "worthless girls". They've always had a loving relationship and now she doesn't know what to think. And it really hurts because she sacrificed a lot for her father. She gave up the man she loved because Gino didn't approve (he didn't trust young love after what happened with him and Anna). Safe to say, their relationship isn't quite the same after. And while she doesn't become close to her younger sisters, she lightens up on them.

Giulia eventually comes out as a lesbian and is promptly disowned by most of the family, including her father and older sister. She and Flavia leave for Australia and only keep in touch with their aunt (I remember Gino's sister was a nice girl). They meet the Blighs and are pseudo-adopted into their family.

Giulia meets the love of her life at one of Prudence Swanson's parties. And Flavia...originally I had it that she met a man, got married, and had children, but today I decided that rather than have it be a random man, why not have her marry Olivia's son? Samantha Swanson is Olivia's granddaughter, the daughter of Olivia's son with Andrew Swanson. Maybe Flavia could be Samantha's mother?

Let's also say that Gino's still alive at the time the book is published, so Flavia decides to mail him a copy. Sure it's petty, but he mistreated her. And so Gino is left with the knowledge that the family he resents is successful and happy, two of his daughters have basically joined them, and his favorite daughter has never fully trusted him again after his drunken outburst decades earlier. That's his comeuppance.

A PLACE TO CALL HOME 4.05

[stcveskent]

their little miracle; chris evans

pairings: chris evans x reader

warnings: fluff and a bit of swearing

request on wattpad

_____

its been 8 months,since you heard that you would be giving a little miracle of yours and chris, soon. You still remember the day when both of you saw the baby for yhe first time, as it moved around your belly.

you remember how Chris held your hand when he saw your baby, and said, "it's ours" while crying, you remember the day when he found out it was a baby girl, and he was so happy, and when he told his family about it, they were crying too, because their son's dream came true. Since then he never left your side. Well, he haven't announced it on the internet too . He used to talk to your baby, late at nights, when she won't let you sleep, by endless kickings.

"Hey honey, don't do that to Mama." He says, slowly, and calmly as you laid down next to him, and his hands on your belly rubbing it gently.

"I won't leave your side, y/n." He whispered softly and kissed you. During those times, when Chris got intimate with you, for eg, he would kiss you more often, and lay next to you all the time, hold your hands all the time, you used to blush alot, as if it was a school crush, you could say it was the hormones.

"i love you so much." He says and you smile.

"I love you too and more." You reply and he wraps his arm around you, and kiss your head, and then you gasped as soon as your baby kicks you, because you were giving all the attention to her daddy and not her and even daddy didn't give her attention.

"alright baby, i love you too." He says as he keeps a hand on your belly and you laughed at how your daughter already had control over her Dad, even before her birth.

your smile grew wider, as all those thoughts came to your mind, and Chris noticed how you were smiling, and thinking about some things. He smiled looking at how adorable you looked.

"what're you smiling at, sweetheart." He asks as he comes closer, and kisses you gently.

"thinking of how our girl, already has control over her dad." He smiles as he heard you, it was a very different feeling for both of you.

"Well, trust me, the queen has more control than the princess." He says referring to you and you roll your eyes.

"oh stop!" You said as both of you chuckled, just then, to ruin the moment his phone rang. He groaned, and you laughed at him.

"Always messing up my moments, with my queen." He said, and you blushed at how he made you feel so good.

"Chris, i'm sorry to call you now." His manager spoke, as chris answered.

"No its fine, Joshua? what did you need?" He replied.

"Well, the agency has been calling up alot, for your photo shoot, and i tried to decline it, because you wanted to stay with your wife, but they aren't listening , and said you're their hope."

"alright fine! I'll do it."

"ah thank god!! I'll arrange the dates and timing and inform you."

"Alright!" Chris says as he ends the conversation and looks at you, smiling.

"What's wrong?" You asked

"I have to stay away from you for a couple of hours."

"and what would be the reason?" You asked as he sits next to you and pull you closer to him, and you put your head on his shoulder.

"There's this photo shoot they need me to do it and I honestly don't wanna stay away from you, even if its for a couple of hours, you're now close to your date, I can't just leave you here all alone, when you'd need me." He spoke.

"Chris, i'll be fine, you're worrying too much, babe. I can manage on my own, honey!"

"I know you can, i just don't want to be away from you and our daughter." You smiled as he said that, how your daughter's and his bond was so strong.

"babe!!" You squeeled and hugged him and he kissed you multiple times. Just then the phone rings and he groans again.

"Its the agency, i'll have to take it, i'm so sorry!!"

"Its fine, honey." You said and he answered the call, going into the living room to talk while you watched some TV

"Thank you so much, Chris for joining us!" He said and chris smiled.

"The pleasure is all mine!"

"Is there any arrangements we can do for you?" Just as those words left his mouth, he smiles thinking of an idea.

"Yes! Could i get my wife with me? I want her to be next to me."

"Ofcourse sir! It's our pleasure to have her with us, and we can have some couple photoshoot too!"

"Thank you! See you, soon!" He says and walks to you.

Chris comes back to you and tells you that he's made arrangements for you to come with me, you denied at first but he made you to agree to it, typical christopher  and then the day comes when you had to go with him. You were nervous about something which he had completely forgot about. Announcing about your little miracle.

As soon as both of you entered, the photographers welcomed you both so warmly, and as expected they were shocked by the news, and they were happy for both of you.

As soon as chris finished his part of the work, you two had to pose together, it was all cute with him, and then the photographer requested that you should have a photo or two of your own with your bump and Chris happily agreed to it.

Just after you completed your work, you told Chris, that now seems to be the right time to tell everyone about it. No , only family and some of his close friends knew about this, so he was just concerned about how his fans and co workers would annouce, but you knew things would fall back into a perfect position.

"I posted it." He said and breathed.

"i did too!" You said and smiled.

Just a second later, yours and his phone were filled with notifications, hundreds to thousands, and all were really happy about it, because all of them understood that this was Chris's dream and you could only turn into his reality.

a week or two has passed, Chris had to go through a lot of press , and interviews where the main interest was your pregnancy. As you waited for him to get over with the last interview for the month, and after that he promised he'd take a break, he comes to you.

"How was it?" You asked as he kissed you and sat next to you.

"It was good, i was happy to tell them, how you made me happy, and they obviously wanted you, but i said you were resting."

"Thank you —*gasps* oh shit!" You said and his eyes came out if his eye sockets.

"Baby what happened?!"

"She's coming omg!! My water broke!!!" You said and he panicked, he was roaming around the house finding the baby bag, and you felt contractions, which were going on for a day which you tried to ignore.

"Chris where the fuck are you?!" You yelled, as the contractions hit you again.

"I found it!! Let's go." He said as he helped you get up and rush you to the hospital, through out the ride he didn't leave your hand, and just made you breathe, but it was true, when you're about to give birth, your temper loses, and poor Chris had to listen.

Now you were in the waiting room, with him and yours and his family started to visit you both.

"Hey!" Your mom said and rushed to hug you as you breathed.

"Hey Mom! I'm good? Are you?" You asked and she laughed at you.

"I know, the temper, i gave birth to three kids!" She said and hugged Chris, and he chuckled and stopped as soon as you gave him a death glare.

"come on! my little girl needs a break, how are you feeling honey?" Your dad says and you roll your eyes.

"P A I N!" You said and then your siblings laugh at you.

"Y/n , for real, you need to calm down, also guess what i already have done half of the preparations for my niece!!" your brother says while your sister argues with him that it was she who did it, and that made you laugh, and Chris smile looking at you.

His mother stayed longer with you but then you told her to go, because she looked tired, and she agreed, time passed and you were ready to deliver the baby, Chris started to breathe heavily, he was nervous, more than you.

"Its gonna be fine, babe!" You said and he nods

"I'll be next to you the whole time." He says and you nod.

Slowly the doctors start to give you instructions to how to push till they count till 10 and you agree to it, clearly understanding their instructions.

"Push!" They said and you pushed while your groaned and your grip on chris's hand tightened.

"You're doing amazing honey!" He encouraged and honestly, that made you stay strong till the end.

Just few more pushes later, the cries of your baby girl were heard and you sighed as both of you burts into tears. They laid your little miracle on top of you as Chris adored both of you, he starts to wipe his tears, and the doctor takes your little girl away.

"No where are you taking her!" Chris says and you chuckled at him.

"they're cleaning her, she'll be back soon, with us." You said and he looked at you with  a smile.

"You did so good today!" he says and you smiled at him.

"It wasn't possible without you." You said and he shook his head.

"You're the most strongest women i've ever seen, and  how beautiful you look today! Your glowing baby!" He says and you laugh as he pressed his lips onto yours in a sweet and filled with love kiss.

"I love you so much." He says

"I love you more!" You reply and they bring the baby back to you, and Chris holds her, tears falling from his eyes, as he met his daughter.

"She's so beautiful just like her Mama!" He says and you feel your tears falling.

"Daddy loves you and your Mama so much! He'll do everything to protect both of you!" He says as he holds her in his arms and kisses her multiple times on her head.

"Okay now, Mama also needs attention!" You said and he laughed and kissed you again, and just then you met your family, already waiting and excited to greet their grand child, neice and goddaughter.

Yours and Chris's mother couldn't hold back tears and were crying with joy, while Scott hugged you and cried and you were crying because he was crying , which made everyone laugh and later Scott Shanna, Carly and your siblings already started giving suggestions for the baby names for your little miracle.

It was the best day of your life, you for the first time witnessed how one life can bring so much happiness to so many people, and you were only concerned about your husband, who was on cloud 9 because of his happiness and you couldn't stop smiling because of him. You won't be able to forget this day ever!

------

done with your request!!hope you liked it❤️

also, but Daddy!Chris is making me cry😭😭

[keijislove]

Hi babe! I was wondering if I could request a Tony Stark x daughter reader? With lots of angst and her being locked in her room because she’s being bullied for her darker skin

(I understand if you’re not comfortable with this)

Safe Place: Tony Stark X Daughter!Reader

I think this turned out a bit longer than I expected.

Sorry :(

I hope you like this, I don’t really have a lot of experience with this matter, so I hope I captured the emotions right!

I AM APOLOGISING IN ADVANCE, THE HURTFUL COMMENTS MENTIONED HERE ARE NOT ONES I WOULD EVER USE IN MY LIFETIME.

GIRL, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL JUST THE WAY YOU ARE – YOU DON’T NEED DIMWITS LIKE RACISTS TO DEFINE BEAUTY. YOU WANT THE DEFINITION OF BEAUTY, GO LOOK IN THE MIRROR.

PUT A STOP TO RACISM.

WARNINGS: Slight EXTREMELY racial comments, mentions of death, toxic relationship, angst, Tony being a little... well, Tony.

Being Tony Stark’s daughter was nearly everyone’s dream. Well, everyone you’d come across at school, anyway. It seemed rational from their point of view – big house, big bedroom, expensive branded clothing, basically an overall exquisite lifestyle coupled with fame of being his daughter which was sure to earn popularity points anywhere and everywhere. A man rolling in that amount of money would make a great dad... right?

You thought differently. Which was one of the main reasons you did not tell anyone who your father really was and your teachers understood your predicament and played along to your story of being an ordinary girl with no scope for coolness whatsoever.

Your mother had met your father a long, long time ago – when Tony was still in university. Of course, he’d left her before he even knew she was pregnant, and they never saw each other again. You didn’t exactly love your life as his daughter. In fact, from what your mother had told you, he was (in your vision) a complete monster whom your mother had the sad misfortune to meet.

It was her untimely death that had forced you to go live with the man who was the reason you were born and the man who ruthlessly left your mother to fend for herself and a baby. You had tried for foster care, but the agents told you that your father was still alive and more than capable of taking care of you – being the famous Tony Stark and all.

So it would suffice to say that Tony was lowkey shocked when you turned up at his doorstep one day with a grudging expression and declarations of being his daughter. He actually didn’t believe you at first and asked you to piss off which confirmed your earlier assumptions about his character – asshole. After you’d snapped at him and showed him all the legal documentations stating that you two were blood-related as father-daughter after all, Tony was even more shocked than earlier.

Though he would rather die than admit it, he felt sad after seeing your fourteen-year-old self standing at his doorstep. He’d missed your birth, your first steps, your first words, he even missed helping you with homework in preschool – basically all precious moments you enjoy with a child. But you made it pretty clear that you didn’t want to be here – something that made Tony’s already overlarge pride swell like a bullfrog and stopped him from ever getting close to you. While you were busy thinking he didn’t want you, you overlooked a small detail – he took you in.

If anyone had the power to bribe an adoption agency to get rid of their kid, it was Anthony Stark, yet he never gave you away. The simple explanation (that he would never, in a million years, admit it to you) was that he didn’t want to lose you – around the only blood-related family he had left.

And so began your life as Y/N Stark. It functioned surprisingly well for your expectations. Pepper was really nice to you and those few occasions when the Avengers came over, you were able to talk to Natasha about ‘girl things’, her presence reminding you of the mother you had lost only too young. You sometimes even asked Bruce for help with homework, too proud yourself to go to Tony. Overall, you stayed out of his way while he stayed out of yours – an arrangement you were both satisfied with.

The worst part was that you never talked. Ever. You would wake up and walk to school, refusing Jarvis’ continued protests of letting you use the self-driving car, came home the same way where you did your homework and grabbed a snack before you ‘father’ came back upstairs from his little man cave in the basement and a small ‘good-evening’ passed between you two as you went your separate ways. This cycle repeated itself every day. Recently, your life at school hadn’t been going great.

You’d known that your skin tone was a notch darker than the others at your school – something you had gotten from your mother – and this was not something you really cared about. That’s when they started coming – the comments. What were originally small, snide retorts of ‘wash your face, ew!’ (A/N: I AM SO SORRY) had now escalated to them calling you obscene names you’d never heard before and asking you to leave ‘their’ school

Which was why, instead of being at school today, you were locked in your bedroom, sobbing into your pillow.

It had started out as a very unusual morning. After getting comments hurled at you left right and centre the previous day, you’d had enough. You’d woken up and declared to Jarvis that you were skipping school and he was to, under no circumstances, notify your father about this. After that you tried to eat some cereal, but the bubbling dread in your stomach made it taste like dry carpet, so you gave up and stomped into your room, locking the door before flinging yourself onto the bed and crying your heart out.

It was in times like these that you felt the need for something – a gaping hole in your chest. It seemed foolish to even admit it to yourself, but you really wanted someone like a parent. Someone who listened to your problems and comforted you accordingly, someone who actually cared about you. And since Tony Stark filled neither of these requirements, you gave up the foolish dream and sunk, once again, into your self-fashioned depths of misery.

-------

Tony casually sipped on his wine, putting one last screw into place to make the latest piece he was testing out. As he powered the device on, it vibrated for a moment before the words ‘model failed’ appeared on the screen Tony was examining.

He swore loudly and shoved it ungracefully aside before running his hands through his hair. There had been many an occasion where Tony seriously considered going to your room to just say something to you that wasn’t a monotonous ‘good evening’ or ‘the milk’s finished’ or something else like that. He wanted to talk to you. To you.

He wanted to get to know the real Y/N – what you were like when you weren’t too busy being bold and refusing to appear vulnerable. As if reading his thoughts, Jarvis’ voice filled the room suddenly.

“Sir, I do believe that Ms Stark is currently locked inside her bedroom. She refused to go to school just this morning.”

“What?” Tony exclaimed, “Why, did she tell you anything else?”

“Just this, Sir, along with a few obscene warnings of not informing you about this occurrence. If I recall correctly, Ms Stark told me she would rip out my sockets with her bare hands had I come to you.”

Ignoring the small smirk that was growing on his lips at the thought of you behaving exactly as he would, Tony wiped his tired hands on a nearby cloth before sprinting out the door and up the stairs to your bedroom.

He knocked on the door.

“Go away Pepper, not in the mood,” came your muffled voice. It was weak and raw – evidently, you had been crying.

Ignoring the poking feeling of dread bubbling in his stomach, Tony knocked again.

“Open up, kid, it’s me,” he shouted.

“Definitely not in the mood, thanks.”

Tony sighed. This was exactly what he had tried so hard to avoid –turning out like his own father. Not knowing how to deal with a daughter properly, he just let you go about your business as you wanted, hoping that it would yield better results than what his childhood had been like. Now, looking back at how much he’d neglected you, he suddenly realised that he had done the exact thing he was afraid of – hurt you.

“Y/N Y/M/N Stark, open the door. Please.”

Perhaps it was the please at the end or the way he acknowledged you as his living, breathing daughter for the first time that made you stagger limply over to the door and push it open.

Your eyes were puffy, red and swollen from bawling nonstop and your brows were knitted into a disapproving frown. It broke Tony’s heart to see you like this.

“Listening,” you sniffed, crossing your arms.

“Okay, why don’t you sit down,” Tony frowned slightly.

You gave another hearty sniff and led him to your bed where you flopped down and watched as he took a seat beside you.

You both sat in a very painful, deafening silence for the next few minutes.

“You didn’t go to school today,” Tony casually remarked as you played with your pillow, refusing to meet his eyes.

“I did,” you said simply.

“Wanna tell me what’s going on?” Tony offered.

“I really don’t,” you admitted as he burst out laughing and you gave a grudging giggle despite yourself.

“Seriously, kid,” Tony said in an undertone, “You’ve gotta open up a bit more. I mean, it’s been like what, two years since you moved here and you never bother telling me what’s going on. And look where that got you – come on, tell me what’s going on. Is it school?”

“Partially,” you quietly said to which he cocked an eyebrow.

“Completely,” you amended, sighing, “Kids, you know, they’re just being – well, mean.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded slightly, “You want to talk about it?”

“They... they make fun of me,” you admitted, “About – about my skin colour and stuff. And I know I’m being stupid, getting upset over this –”

“It’s not stupid,” Tony broke in, “It’s not stupid at all. Nothing gives anyone a right to talk to you that way.”

“Try telling that to them!” you burst out, final letting go of the pent-up emotions you’d been holding for days, “What did I ever do to them – it’s not my fault I look like this, maybe if I could choose what to look like, I’d choose something they want! Just about everyone seems to have a problem – what the hell do they expect me to do? It’s unjust, unfair, unsettling and unkind, but of course they don’t care, do they?!”

Tony didn’t even flinch throughout your entire outburst until you broke down and tears began rapidly pouring out of your eyes once more.

“Hey, hey, stop, listen to me,” Tony sternly said, seizing your shoulders and turning you to face him.

“You’re a Stark,” he said, gazing you dead in the eyes, “You are beautiful, you’re smart and you’re kind. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”

This was too much for you to handle and you started sobbing again – sobs of partial happiness and partial guilt that didn’t look like they would stop anytime soon.

“Come here, kid,” was all Tony could say as he pulled you into a hug, allowing you to sob into his shirt while he stroked your hair, trying to calm you down.

“I’m sorry if I’ve ever been mean to you,” you whispered finally.

“It’s okay, kid,” Tony murmured, pressing a kiss to your forehead, “I’m sorry I haven’t been a great father all this time.”

You two sat in a now comfortable silence, occasionally clearing your throats or sniffling a bit before Tony finally spoke.

“If anyone says that to you again, I will have them cut up and fed to the fish in my house in Malibu.”

“Thanks, dad.”

[thebadboyfanclub]

You Are My Home (Geralt x Reader)

This was requested by anon. Enjoy!

The life (y/n) had it was something Geralt often envied, it was a way of living that had nothing to do with him, it was almost like she created her own magical bubble that kept her away from anything harmful, she lived in harmony with everything.

(Y/n) was a farmer's daughter, an only child and her mother passed away when she was young, a few years after she made her first step into adulthood her father also passed, so since she was a little girl her day was filled with taking care of the land and looking after the animals she so much adored. It wasn't the squeezing cow tits and cleaning out the stables that fascinated him, it was the utter bliss you could identify at the twinkle of her eyes, she was in love with her life, the bitterness and greed of the world had graced by her and left her unharmed.

(Y/n) had stumbled across Geralt at the market of the closest town of her home. She sold fruits, milk and vegetables there, still the reason why Geralt noticed wasn't her healthy goods, it was her booming voice as she shouted at a man. 

"If you lay your hands on a child again I will make sure you have no hands to do so!"

As he approached to see what all the fuss was about he saw her. Her hair was nearly pulled back and away from her face, her dress was this beautiful purple color as her hands were on her sides, one breath away from the man's face. Another thing he noticed was the child in question that hid behind her as it clinged on her legs for protection.

"He stole apples from my table"

"You want apples? Here"

She turned and took as many she could hold and started to throw them at the man. He acted out on impulse and stepped in to restrict her, she had a strong fire in her but he would hate to see the obviously taller man harm her.

"That's enough, I think you proved your point"

He said to her as he got in front of her and gently touched her forearms to make her take a few steps back.

"That low life, he almost killed the poor little boy over a few apples"

She muttered as she turned her back on Geralt and kneeled to the kids level. Her hand reached the child's face as she inspected him.

"Are you alright dear? Come with me, I have a bottle of milk for you"

He felt a bit hurt as the girl ignored his presence entirely. As the woman and the child walked over her counter, she instruced the child to sit on the stool as she passed him a bottle of milk. 

The child smiled brightly before chugging the bottle, at that moment of silent Geralt found the courage to speak up.

"I'm Geralt"

"Oh I'm sorry I got completely distracted. I am (y/n), thank you for helping me"

-

After that Geralt felt compelled by her, he would leave her for a short period of time to travel and pick up jobs, yet he always felt the need to come back to her. She was his haven, his safe space to relax, even when compared to him she was this tiny little thing she made him feel protected.

He awoke at the smell of fresh baked goods, he had come to her cottage late at night and exhausted. She only smiled in a sleepy manner and hugged him tight before helping him get into bed with her with no questions or spared words. 

At that time (y/n) walked in the bedroom with a cup in her hand. She was dressed in her white night dress and her hair was down, framing her beautiful face. She sat on his side of the bed as he sat up, the sheets falling from his torso.

"Good morning"

"I believe a good evening is more appropriate. Here, drink this"

She said as she passed the cup to him. (Y/n) loved thyme tea, she always made it for him whenever he came to visit her, the aroma of it made him feel welcomed and now he had linked that smell with her. He remembered how she rambled about how much it helps and nourishes you, he didn't remember what she said exactly but just seeing her so happy and focused on a subject about a simple thing made him smile. 

"Hmmm, what have I done to deserve you?"

He asked before taking a sip of the tea. She giggled at his teasing, he always said that to her, at first she found it funny however she was aware that Geralt thought very low of him, it made her so mad that he didn't see what she was seeing.

"It's the least I could do, you keep us safe"

"It wasn't by choice"

"No one forces you to work Geralt, you go hunting for jobs"

He didn't respond, he was well aware that she had a strong case here. After taking a few sips of the warm liquid he left the cup on the side of his bed before reaching for her hand to caress her soft warm skin. She looked at her hand in his, his skin against hers brought her goosebumps, she tried to hide her smile from him, although Geralt saw it and decided to not comment on it.

"How are things here?"

"Carina gave birth"

"Oh well she was really big last time I saw her"

"She was having a baby cow inside her, I think that's a bit normal"

They had been around enough for her to know what he wanted. She slowly crawled on her side and got under the covers with him, he smiled as he laid back down and rested his head on her breasts while his arms went around her waist bringing her as close as possible. Her fingers went up on his head, slowly caressing his long silver hair she so much adored, for a man that gets covered with monster blood ever so often his hair was soft like silk. 

His warmth made her relax even more as she took a deep inhale and closed her eyes, enjoying his natural scent tingling her nostrils, she never thought a man's smell would bring her such a calm sensation that made her muscles relax completely, the feeling was almost euphoric as she continued to run her fingers through his white mane.

Geralt enjoyed being caressed by her, after years of feeling the touch of a woman only after offering her coins he finally felt he was being cared for, it was something he thought he would never experience. Now here she was making the giant witcher melt in her arms.

"I missed you"

He whispered just enough for her to hear, (y/n) smiled before placing a kiss at the top of his head. Anyone else would laugh at the sight of the big bad witcher snuggling up on a girl and letting her wrap her legs around his torso in order to make him feel protected. She wasn't short but anyone would look small in comparison.

"I missed you too dearest"

Hearing her speak to him in such a delicate and soft way made him feel his stomach twist, in a good way of course. She was what he never knew he missed, she was the warm sun in his gloomy life.

"One day I won't have to leave you"

"One day I will put poison in your tea. Not the deathly kind, maybe paralyze you so you won't be able to leave"

His chest erupted with laughter at her snarky comment, she never phrased her sadness and displeasure when he left her, still he could sense it. It was exactly what he felt so there was a mutual understanding of how much they both hated that departure. He raised his head to look at her as she offered him a warm smile in return

"You are my home"

"Maybe one day my home won't have to slip away from me"

[beigehearts]

Alright I love me some good angst here are some drabbles...

CW: there will be some very dark scenes that concern pregnancy, r!pe, and babies DISCRETION IS ADVISED

Hisoka

Neither of you were prepared when your belly began to grow in size and so did your appetite. The both of you ignored it until morning sickness became morning ‘am-I-dead-yet’. A pregnancy test revealed the cold hard truth. It’s not as if you needed the test to tell you, but you wouldn’t accept it until the test came back positive. Life was already miserable... Living with- no, surviving with this man who kidnapped you. And now you’re pregnant with his child...

Months passed until the fateful day. You couldn’t go to a hospital but trust that Hisoka wasn’t cruel enough to let you give birth without drugs. The absolute most painful day of your life for more than one reason. 

Hisoka cut the cord, and handed you your creation, nestling him into your arms. A moment of salvation, it was only short of a miracle. Someone you could love and take care of, taking your mind off of things. But the world stopped when you saw your baby’s face. A carbon copy of your captor... You could barely tell the difference. 

Your arms fell loose and the baby tumbled into your lap, screaming out in agony of being alive. Hisoka quickly grabbed the baby before it could fall to the ground and looked at you with wide eyes. 

Every day Hisoka tried to get you to hold your baby, to feed your baby... to look at your baby. Every time he was met with a grim look, and he learned to never hand you the baby when you were standing up.

Hisoka had left to buy milk for the baby, as you aren’t feeding him. You rock back in forth in the chair of your baby’s room. The screams are deafening but you ignore them, continuing to rock in the chair. Some days you wonder if you should end both of your sufferings. Would you go to hell? It wouldn’t make much a difference to be honest. 

Screams echo throughout the house, and you hum a sweet lullaby to soothe yourself.

Illumi

Nothing worse could have happened. What happened was exactly what he wanted, your pregnancy. Through those nine months you were treated exceptionally well. No longer were you being starved or punished, but being treated as a mother. It made things seem brighter, maybe your fate would not be full of only pain and suffering but some specks of joy. Of course this couldn’t last forever.

The manor had it’s own hospital ward so of course you gave birth there. Your child was delivered safely and you never had to worry about complications. His mother and father got to see your child first, then the grandfather, and then Illumi. But when you asked for your baby over and over they completely ignored you. As if it wasn’t your blood that the bed and child was covered in.

You didn’t get to see your baby that night. No matter how much you begged and pleaded, you were ignored. When it came time to feed the baby, they brought you a breast pump. While you were inclined to refuse, you wanted your baby to eat. 

Three weeks later, you were allowed to see him. Illumi and his mother who holds your child walk into your hospital room. You really don’t need to be in the hospital ward of the manor anymore but it makes no difference to you. 

His mother shuffles towards your bed, smiling down at you with a menacing grin. As if she knows something that you don’t. She places the child in your arms and you hold him tightly against you, as if trying to hide him from the world.

After she backs up from your bed, you get the courage to look at his face. Immediately you wish you hadn’t gotten the courage. His mother laughs, as if she knew this would be your reaction. As if she knew you would be mortified. But she didn’t expect what would come after.

It feels like second nature to you, that this is what you must do as a mother. As a mother, so your child does not have to live in such a cruel world. This had been your plan all along, knowing that the moment you saw his face you would say goodbye to him forever. You get to see his face so briefly before he is ripped from your hands. They must have known what your plan was... To twist his head quickly so there would be no pain in the moment or ever again.

Chrollo

He at least had the human decency to bring you to a hospital. Of course under the knowledge that if you tried anything, your entire family would be killed. It was an incredibly painful birth, something that was 10x worse than when he pinned you down and...

The both of you went ‘home’ the same night, against doctor’s orders and somehow erasing all traces of you. That’s when it began. Once the drugs wore off, reality began to set in. Chrollo sits in a chair in the corner, cooing at your daughter and rocking her gently. 

You’re laying on the couch with a blanket over you as you begin to come to. The room is no longer waving around in your vision and it no longer feels like you are on a ship. 

Very carefully you sit yourself up right, ignoring the pain searing through your body. Chrollo notices this and smiles sweetly at you.

“Would you like to see her?” He asks, sounding like the perfect father.

Bleary eyed, you nod, “Let me hold her.” 

He does as you ask, standing up from his chair and laying her in your arms. Your vision remains somewhat blurry but you squint to try to get a better look at her. Time pauses and nothing is clear but her face. So familiar, so similar to the one that has caused you so much pain. So beautiful and yet, she is him. 

You shut your eyes and hand her back to Chrollo. A sudden wave of nausea comes over you and you can’t hold it back. You puke all over the blanket covering you and wish you had never seen her.

Chrollo seems worried and starts asking you questions but you can’t hear him over the ringing in your ears. Your head pounds and it hurts too much to keep your eyes open. You gave birth to the devil, but he’s standing right before you.

[katsukavi]

"OH SHIT!" part 2

"I WANT AN ABORTION." Sung Jin-Woo said abruptly, tapping his foot up and down from the agitation. "I'm afraid that's not possible. The baby is far too healthy and because of the amount of health potions you drank, it will be almost indestructible by our means. It even accelerated its growth.."

Sung Jin-Woo didn't think that far into it that night. He gave the baby's father an icy glare and took out his dagger from his inventory. "You can't abort it by your means huh..." he locked (M/n)'s hand onto the hilt and pointed it at his stomach.

"(M/n)! Stab me!"

"HELL NO!"

"Why not? We're already at the hospital, so you could just rush me to the emergency room when I start bleeding," Jin-Woo explained, but that still didn't make a drop of sense to (L/n) (M/n). "NOT IN A MILLION YEARS WILL I STAB YOU!"

"Fine. I'll stab myself."

"No!"

The doctor's face paled at the S-Rank hunter's lack of care for his unborn baby's life—even attempting to stab himself. Luckily, (L/n) (M/n) was there to stop him before the blade could touch his skin.

"Jin-Woo! Come on, you could just hold on to it until you give birth. We could set it up for adoption later.."

"I don't have time to wait 5 months. I could be leveling up using that time."

Scratch that. (L/n) (M/n) was also a horrible parent-to-be. The doctor forced a smile, wondering if all S-Rank Hunters were like this. He cleared his throat and stared back at them.

"How did you even conceive this child?"

"I have no idea. I drank too much. Hey, aren't you immune to alcohol?" (M/n) nudged Jin-Woo's shoulder, since he was the one that wanted to play video games all night. "I don't know. I can't remember much either. There was this scent.."

"I see. It must've been a heat."

"No? I wouldn't have left the house if that were the case."

"Then..." The doctor's eyes set on to (L/n) (M/n), making him feel a cold sweat. The man with red eyes smiled awkwardly, blinking repeatedly at the doctor. "Why are you looking at me?"

"It's incredibly rare but I assume you went through a rut, Sir. So I understand how you may perceive this as unbelievable since this situation is one in a billion or even more so." The doctor scratched the back of his head, trying to consider the rarity of the situation.

It was even more impossible if he considered the fact that male alpha and omegas were less likely to have a baby, then they were both S-Rank Hunters, both with their respective systems and (L/n) (M/n) had suffered from a rut that only one in five alphas experience.

[The Orion System is extremely happy!]

[☆*:.｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆]

[The Orion System is wondering if it would be a girl or a boy??]

[The System is rejoicing for your offspring.]

"I hope it becomes a miscarriage. I'm too busy for this," Sung Jin-Woo said, glaring at his slightly bloated stomach. "Since you are a male omega, there is a 78% chance it would be a miscarriage if you're constantly stressed and you didn't receive professional help from us.."

"Good. I'm already stressed from this situation."

[The Orion System is ignoring your wife's statement.]

[Yay! Baby! ＼＼\\٩( ^ω^ )و //／／]

'He's not my wife, you stupid system. We're friends at best,' (M/n) thought at his system. He and Jin-Woo left the hospital with conflicted thoughts. (M/n) wasn't as extreme as Jin-Woo to forcibly kill it, but he was wondering what he should do next.

That's right. They were hunters. They didn't have time to raise a baby when they could be saving lives through dungeons. It's a simple choice of one life for one hundred.

[The Orion System is rejoicing for you.]

[The Orion System has contacted (totally didn't take over wink wink) the Player System for the child's sake. (*'ω｀*)]

[The Player System has agreed!! ٩( ᐛ )و yay! yay!]

'What are you celebrating for? Stupid Orion..' (M/n)'s mood turned sour, looking away from his system. Jin-Woo held his phone and pressed Jin-Ho's contact, making (M/n)'s eyebrow twitch. "Oi, what are you doing?"

"I'm going to contact Jin-Ho. He's the Vice Guild Master of Ah-Jin so he has to understand our circumstances."

"What? You know how weird that kid's imagination is. What if he thinks something weird?"

"I'll blame you for that then." Jin-Woo shrugged, his phone ringing for a few seconds before Yoo Jin-Ho picked up. "Hello Hyung-nim. Are you doing okay now?" Jin-Ho's voice made Jin-Woo smile, responding quickly.

"Yeah. I just visited the hospital."

"Ohh. Is (M/n) Hyung with you?"

"Yeah, he's right beside me. Turns out I have to lessen my work hours."

"I understand. You are the Guild Master, Hyung-nim. Everything is up to you. But why do you need to?"

"I'm pregnant."

Yoo Jin-Ho choked on his saliva, falling into a coughing fit as he doubted his ears. "Excuse me? What?"

"You didn't hear? I'm pregnant?"

"THAT'S BAD HYUNG-NIM! YOU NEED A FULL VACATION, NOT REDUCING YOUR HOURS!" The beta shouted, making everyone else in the office stare at him. What?! His Hyung-nim was pregnant? So he had a secret lover this entire time, and he didn't know?

"Then, could you decrease (M/n)'s work hours?"

"Yeah, sure. Why him though?"

(L/n) (M/n) hid his face in his hands, feeling so embarrassed that Jin-Woo just admitted that out loud. His own system was bombarding him with weird messages as well, it was creepy.

[There's no need to be embarrassed, Predator-nim~]

[( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). We all know what you did~~]

"He's the father of my child."

Jin-Ho choked yet again, throwing his fist at his desk as he fell silent. So (L/n) (M/n) and Sung Jin-Woo had been in that kind of relationship the entire time? Sure, he didn't know a lot about Sung Jin-Woo but even (L/n) (M/n)?

Is that the reason he joined Ah-Jin? So he could see his lover?

Then all those times they left together..

"Jin-Ho? Are you still there?"

"...If you need any help, you can call me Hyung-nim."

'Oh my God, so they were doing that so many times Hyung-nim got pregnant?!' Yoo Jin-Ho's face flushed as his imagination ran wild, smashing his forehead on his desk to cleanse his mind. 'I'M SO DENSE! I SHOULD'VE REMINDED THEM TO USE PROTECTION!'

"Yoo Jin-Ho-nim.. Is anything wrong with the Guild Master?"

"Ah nothing, he's just on maternity leave."

"What?"

"Huh, he hung up. He must've been shocked.." Jin-Woo said, looking up blankly as (L/n) (M/n) gritted his teeth. His face was red, mostly out of embarrassment than out of anger. "SHOCKED MY ASS! OF COURSE HE'D BE SHOCKED! AND WHY DID YOU TELL HIM IT WAS ME?"

"What else should I tell him? He politely asked who was the father."

[The Orion System agrees with your wife.]

[Calm down, host!! ＼＼\٩(๑'^'๑)۶//／／]

(L/n) (M/n) took a deep breath, rubbing his temples to soothe himself. "Okay, let's just call it a day and go home and sleep." (M/n) felt like it had sucked his life out of him, so he just wanted to sleep.

"I'll see you then."

Sung Jin-Ah was feeling suspicious for the past two weeks, noticing that her older brother's movements have become strange. At first she thought he got sick, but that would be strange for a sickness to last weeks, especially since he's an S-Rank Hunter.

"Hey, I ordered pizza. You feeling okay, bro?"

"Yeah. I visited the hospital earlier," Jin-Woo said, plopping down on the couch beside her. "Where's Mom?" he asked, grabbing a slice of pizza from the box. "She went out to get something. So she said she wouldn't be able to cook tonight," Jin-Ah answered him.

As soon as Jin-Woo took a bite from his pizza, his face turned sour. He swallowed it and bitterly gulped a glass of water. "Actually, I don't want any."

"Huh? What do you mean you don't want any? You practically inhale this stuff!"

"It doesn't taste good."

"It tastes just fine, get over here!"

Sung Jin-Woo completely ignored his beta sister and holed up in his room. Confusion crossed her face as she gobbled up a slice of pizza. 'Something weird is definitely going on with him.. He's sus...'

The next morning, Jin-Woo got up early to do his daily regimen. But his fatigue had raised twice the number it had before. He felt annoyed from it and tried even harder, exhausting himself in the process.

'I haven't even done half yet?'

[[The Player System has cancelled the 'Daily Quest: Preparation to be Powerful'.]]

[[The Orion System has requested it to be changed to 'Daily Quest: Meet up with your Husband<3']]

Sung Jin-Woo wanted to middle finger the systems and ignored the new Daily Quest, thinking it was an awful prank from Orion. (That Constellation liked to bug them a lot.) So he continued to do the old Daily Quest, but he unfortunately got sent to the Penalty Zone all the same.

["Since you lovers don't wanna meet up. I have no choice but to force you! Hmph!! ヽ('⌒'メ)ノ"]

"I— Jin-Woo?!" (L/n) (M/n) hollered, his eyes setting on his partner on top of a floating marble platform. Jin-Woo was behind a translucent wall, safely protected in a small room filled with comfortable pillows, blankets and cute stuffed animals. Just in front of him was a coffee table with a full set of snacks one could crave for.

[[You can sit back and watch the show~ Daddy is going to go on a little run!! ＼(٥⁀▽⁀ )／]]

FWOOSHHH!!

On (M/n)'s side of the wall was a scorching, fiery desert, his shoes sinking in white sand as an enormous monster rose from the ground. The gigantic lizard roared, sending a breath of flames towards (L/n) (M/n) as he tried to run for his life. He screamed and cursed at the system while Jin-Woo watched from above like his Alpha was a gladiator.

"FUCK! WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING?!"

"ORION! WHY THE HECK IS HE BEING CHASED BY LIZARDS?!?" Jin-Woo punched the orange wall, making it glitch for a few seconds before spitting his fist back inside the enclosed room. He could only look down at (M/n) with worry, slamming into the wall to attempt an escape to go help him.

[[HEY!! Don't help that idiot! He's a loser who doesn't even bother to look after his pregnant wife! (҂' ﾛ ')]]

[[You know what! Since he's so bad, let's go torture him more! Yay! Yay!!]]

Three more lizards surfaced from the sand, breathing fire like dragons. (M/n)'s face paled in shock as he retrieved his rapier from his inventory. A fifth lizard rose from where he stood, making him tumble down on the sand as it bellowed a menacing tune.

"UGH.. FIVE OF THESE THINGS?!" (M/n) shouted, burning his palms from the hot sand as he tried to get up and away from such a life-threatening situation. Sung Jin-Woo felt more anxiety for (M/n) and banged on the walls.

"DO YOU WANT HIM TO DIE!?"

[[Don't worry~ He won't die. He can handle it! (b ᵔ▽ᵔ)b]]

[[He has to be at least this strong to be a wonderful Daddy of course. ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ]]

"We're not even keeping the baby!" Jin-Woo glared at the cute emoticon on his screen and gave it a middle finger. He took out his dagger from his inventory, slicing open the wall and using the slight gap to escape.

[[Wait! No! If you get hurt, the baby will die! ＼(º □ º l|l)/]]

"Good," Jin-Woo said with a smirk, landing on top of one of the lizard's heads. "Hey, you need a little help?" he shouted after (M/n), riding safely on the monster. It only seemed to be hostile towards (M/n) and not him.

[[NOO! IF IT ATTACKS MOMMY, ALL HOPE IS LOST! ＼(╥ _ ╥ l|l)/]]

"Nah, I got it!" (M/n) responded, sliding under one lizard's feet and stabbing it's heart from underneath. Its skin was thick, but (M/n)'s high strength stat could make up for it. The beast let out a small cry of pain as his blade pierced through like a needle. He soon coated the blade in a reddish orange hued mana, poisoning the lizard internally in just a few seconds.

"Jeez. I was a little panicked. But I'm fine," (M/n)'s skin was harder than steel, like an indestructible material. Just like in the myth of Orion, he was like the indomitable scorpion that the legendary Hunter could not beat.

"I was a little offended, you know."

[Noo!! Predator-nim, I hate you!! ((╬◣﹏◢))]

[Hmph! Hmph! You big IDIOT! ]

"Orion, shut up."

[FINE THEN! I'LL REMOVE ALL OF THESE LIZARDS! ヽ( 'д'*)ノ]

[I'll be nice to you just because wifey's pregnant okay! humph!]

[Go kiss kiss fall in love now! I don't wanna see you be stupid IDIOTS! (҂ òзó )]

The lizards evaporated quickly like Orion made them out of ice in the blistering sun, making Jin-Woo suspended into the air. (M/n) reached out his hands and ran under him, catching him quickly in his arms. Jin-Woo could've landed safely on his feet, he wasn't that fragile..

But in (M/n)'s princess carry, he felt some sense of relief. Jin-Woo hugged him, inhaling a breath of his friend's pheromones. (M/n) really enjoyed wearing Axe Body Spray (a pheromone masking agent in this world) because he always met up with an Alpha female named Cha Hae-In. It was because of that, Jin-Woo didn't notice any of his alpha pheromones.

But with a whiff, he preferred this version. It made him imagine the fragrance of lit scented candles. It was a very specific scent that calmed him down. "Hm, are you okay?" (M/n) asked, making Jin-Woo snap out his momentary trance. What was going with him?

"Yeah, uhm. Were you still sleeping?" Jin-Woo took notice of (M/n)'s disheveled hair and casual set of light blue pajamas. "Oh right, I haven't showered yet.. Fuck. My handsome complexion!" (M/n) said dramatically, looking down to his lovely rapier covered in sand.

As much as he wanted to get it and polish it until it was shiny, he didn't want to drop Jin-Woo yet. It seems like Jin-Woo was the same, wrapping his arms around his neck in a comfortable hug. Yeah, they should hug more often. It was very comfortable.

[Yes!! NOW KISS!! ٩(♡ε♡)۶]

"Ew gross, Orion is back from a tantrum.." (M/n) set Jin-Woo back down, making a look of disgust. Jin-Woo also didn't like the constellation. So he joined (M/n) in spiting it with all the malice he could.

[Ugh, you guys are so mean! (︶︹︶ ||| )]

[It's like you're perfect for each other. (You are btw (^ω~))]

[I'll bring you back home now. (╬ Ò﹏Ó)]

"Oh nice. This is your room?"

"It's a little messy, but don't mind it too much." Jin-Woo scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, not knowing what to do in such a situation. He and (M/n) had teleported back to his house together, convenient for him. But (M/n) was still in his pajamas.

"Damn, I haven't even combed yet. How do you expect me to walk home in this?" (M/n) sighed, fixing his bedhead with one hand as he scratched his stomach with the other. Even though he just went through a terrifying experience, he was still tired and planned to sleep until noon.

"I mean you could run like really really fast. You'd just be a blur to normal people."

"But.. I haven't been to your house before.." (M/n) looked around Jin-Woo's room. Despite him claiming that it was messy, no clothes or wrappers were on the floor and the only thing messy were his blankets. This guy's sense of "messy" was on a whole other level.

(M/n) just leaves his cans of energy drinks, chips and bowls on the floor and leaves the cleaners to go clean it up. His appearance was the only thing that was respectable.

"So I can't navigate on my own. You know."

"You can use Google Maps."

"I don't bring my phone everywhere."

"You don't? I thought you were an addict."

"Your perceptions of me are so warped. What even made you think I was a beta?" (M/n) sighed, glancing over to Jin-Woo's stomach before blushing. He wasn't that different. He thought Jin-Woo was an alpha precisely because he gave off those vibes.

"Ah, it was your Hunter Wikipedia page. I skimmed over it a while ago.."

"My Hunter Wiki what??" (M/n) got confused, watching Jin-Woo take out his cellphone and search something online. He peered over his shoulder, watching him scroll down to the gender option. It actually said [Beta Male].

"That's really stupid. What part of me is beta?"

Sung Jin-Woo looked over to (L/n) (M/n) for a few seconds, his appearance to his language. Yeah.. (M/n) was right. What part of him seemed Beta? (M/n) right then screamed 'I-AM-A- DOMINANT-ALPHA. STAY-5-METERS-AWAY-FROM-ME-BECAUSE-I-WILL-ATTACK-YOU'

Then, he saw his picture on the wiki. Jin-Woo held his phone up and looked to his left and right, comparing the one in person, to the picture. "Now that I've thought of it, this is the first time I've seen you in pajamas."

(L/n) (M/n) was someone that barely swore, kept calm and wore modest clothing. But it looked like stress took over him so much it affected his personality. His mouth was foul with curses.

"Yeah, I mean the last time you saw me, I was naked."

"Oh," Jin-Woo blurted out, his face heating with that in mind. (M/n) quickly shut his mouth and looked away shyly, fixing his hair to seem more like himself. "Now we're in this situation, huh?" (M/n) mumbled, staring down at Jin-Woo's belly. It wasn't noticeable, but it showed a bump if you touched it.

"Do you.. wanna hug?" (M/n) diverted his vision away from Jin-Woo, a light blush on his face. "What made you say that?" Jin-Woo asked calmly, avoiding looking at (M/n). The (h/c)-haired alpha cleared his throat, extending his arms in the air.

"I don't know. You seemed to like it earlier.."

[Definitely you right now: Σ>―(〃°ω°〃)♡→]

[(￢‿￢ )]

Sung Jin-Woo nodded, placing his chin on (M/n)'s shoulder as he wrapped his arms around his torso. The same fragrant pheromone relaxing him enough to close his eyes. He felt safe in those arms, like he was under an unbreakable set of armor. "I feel like I could fall asleep like this.."

(L/n) (M/n) didn't know why his heart was beating so quickly, making his skin feel like they were on fire just from touching this omega. "We should hug more often," he said, rubbing on Jin-Woo's back calmly. It was fine for friends to hug, right?

But could we could even consider them friends when one of them was pregnant?

"Oppa, I think we ran out of dish soap—" Sung Jin-Ah opened the door, letting out an 'Oh' sound as she gazed at her brother. Then, Sung Jin-Woo noticed how odd it was to have (L/n) (M/n) there. "Wait, Jin-Ah! It's not what you think—"

"MOOOMMM!! JIN-WOO HAS A SECRET ALPHA BOYFRIEND!!"

"Sung Jin-Ah!" Jin-Woo yelled, squeezing her cheeks with one hand as she struggled to run away. "I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT SO BAD WHEN I SMELLED ALPHA PHEROMONES ON YOU! IT'S VERY STRONG NOW!!" she screamed and kicked her feet in the air.

"Hold on. I'm not his boyfriend—"

"LET GO OF ME, OPPA! WHY ARE YOU SO STRONG?!"

(M/n)'s voice gradually got weaker as he pursed his lips awkwardly. There was no room to protest in the screaming girl in the room casually being battled to the death by her older brother. He just gave up.

It was that quick giving up that people thought he was a beta.

"Oh! You finally brought home your boyfriend. That's great," Park Kyung-He said as she stood on the doorframe. She smiled at (M/n), then stared at his sleepwear. "Jin-Woo! You even let him stay without telling us?"

"I didn't—"

"Shush! I know it could be embarrassing to reveal your first love. Come on, dear. What's your name?" she looked over to (M/n), waving her hand to call him over. "It's (L/n) (M/n), Maam.. Nice to meet you," he said shyly, not even refuting her words at all.

His cute demeanor made Kyung-He fall in love with him already. What a good future son-in-law. No wonder Jin-Woo liked him.

"Ah, come here now (M/n). I'll cook you breakfast too."

"If you don't mind me intruding. Thank you.." (M/n) said, following Kyung-He like he was an imprinted chick. "I'll be there too!" Jin-Ah said, wrestling with Jin-Woo's arm. "Let me go, you jerk! I wanna see what your boyfriend is like!"

"I already told you. He's not my boyfriend."

"Why are you even saying that at this point?" Jin-Ah made a face at him and slipped through his grasp, running out of his room in fear that he would catch her again. "I caught you red-handed! Hehe!!"

[[(¬‿¬ ) hehe..]]

"Orion.. What have you done to my system?" Jin-Woo grumbled, walking out of his room with a long sigh. He could explain to them later that he and (M/n) were just friends. But sadly, he would never get the opportunity to.

"So, when did you and Jin-Woo meet? Was it nice?"

"Oh! I met him at work. He was my partner for a while. And you know, when I saw him, he was so scary I thought he was an alpha!" (M/n) was suddenly very talkative, amusing the curious Kyung-He and Jin-Ah.

"Ohh.. So how did you fall in love?"

"We didn't!" Jin-Woo butted in, receiving sympathetic eyes from his family. "Oh, so it was Jin-Woo who fell first. I see," Kyung-He assumed. He asked (M/n) how he did, but it was her son that answered. Their romance was very cute.

"No.. That's not.."

"Wow, I didn't think Oppa would be the one to confess. He's being super shy about it right now. How could he even proclaim his love now..?" Jin-Ah exclaimed in shock, looking over to (L/n) (M/n). He did provide the juicy details she wanted in a romance novel. Jin-Ah approve!

But even though he was the one who confessed, why is he suddenly saying they weren't together? Was her Oppa too shy about it and only stayed sweet in front of his one true love? Isn't that.. too cute?!

"Huh? What are you all talking about? Jin-Woo didn't confess to me?"

Sung Jin-Ah's world was then flipped upside down. It all made sense. Jin-Woo was denser than the Earth itself. If (M/n) was he one who asked him out, it would make even more sense! Their trope was... Shy Omega x Outgoing Alpha! Jin-Ah prayed internally to her lord and savior, KatsuKavi. She was in a romance novel and she could watch the protagonists.

"Oppa, you're no fair! How did you get this lucky with KatsuKavi's pairing rituals?!"

"Who?!"

"The author!"

(A/N: ignore the fourth wall. There is no such thing.)

"Ah, we got too distracted! (M/n) could you clear the table?" Park Kyung-He stood up, moving towards the sink. (M/n) nodded obediently and helped her wash the dishes. Jin-Woo was dumbfounded at his goody good behavior.

He didn't even clean up at his own house. What was he doing being so good with his mother and sister?

"You're a good kid, (M/n). I approve of you."

"Thank you," (M/n) said, chatting a little bit with Kyung-He until he could call her 'Mom'. Sung Jin-Woo gritted his teeth as he watched (L/n) (M/n) be the new favorite.

"Oppa, (M/n) is so good to us. How dare you hog him for yourself," Jin-Ah glared at him from across the room, getting an angry look from Jin-Woo. "Wow, so possessive.." she murmured to herself, skipping happily to her new brother-in-law.

Possessive? No, Jin-Woo wasn't being possessive. He must've just been jealous (L/n) (M/n) was getting all the attention. But when did Jin-Woo start caring about being the center of attention?

He looked over to his best friend, biting his lip to ignore the tight feeling in his chest. He wanted to scream 'look at me!', but he was so dense he didn't know who he wanted to look at him.

"Ah, that's Jin-Woo?! He looks totally different!" (M/n) exclaimed, looking through Jin-Ah's older photos of Jin-Woo. He did look like an omega before, but he drastically changed after becoming a S-Rank Hunter. It was like he was a totally different person.

"Yeah, he used to be so cute and sunny. Now look at him! He's growling at me for taking you away from him."

"I am not growling at you!" Jin-Woo argued, knitting his eyebrows together. He didn't know why, but he felt so annoyed being so far away from Jin-Ah and (M/n). Normally, he wouldn't care but for some weird reason, he didn't like being treated like air.

(L/n) (M/n) soon changed out of his sleepwear and took a nice shower. He didn't wear any pheromone masking agent, so everyone could smell his masculine pheromones leaking out. As much as Jin-Woo liked it, he felt a little annoyed that his 'friend' was being used as incense.

"Mom, did you let him wear dad's clothes?"

"Mhm. It wasn't being used anyway," Kyung-He answered Jin-Woo. She put her hands together, making a sad smile as he looked over to (M/n). "I think it should go to good use, you think?"

"Yeah."

"He suits it well, right?"

"Yeah."

"He's more handsome now, isn't he?"

"I agree."

Sung Jin-Woo crossed his arms over his stomach. (L/n) (M/n) was very attractive in his eyes and a fuzzy feeling would come when thinking of him. "I can tell you really love him. So don't let him go." Kyung-He coaxed Jin-Woo. His mind was blank, only focusing on (M/n).

"Yeah."

"Oi, Jin-Woo! Why did you smile so weirdly in this photo!"

'Ah, I hate him so much,' Jin-Woo thought as (M/n) made fun of him. "Don't look at those!" he marched over, snatching the photo album from his hands while Jin-Ah and (M/n) laughed on the floor.

"Pfft! I don't want our child to look like that!"

"It'll be even worse if it looked like you!"

"I'm a handsome bastard and you know that!"

"I didn't know you wanted children. I hope they look beautiful in the future," Jin-Ah's eyes sparkled at the thought of cute children saying 'Aunt' at her. She wanted to squeeze their chubby cheeks immediately.

"Wait five months, then you decide if the baby will look good."

"Five months? So you're getting married in five months?"

"What? No, I mean Jin-Woo is giving birth in five months." (M/n)'s laughter soon ceased into silence as Jin-Woo walked closer to him menacingly. He then understood why (M/n) didn't want him to tell Jin-Ho about his circumstances. It was so embarrassing for them to know. Now they're never going to let him give it up.

In front of his family, his face became tomato red with both anger and embarrassment as he crouched down to strangle (L/n) (M/n). "Why did you tell them, you dumbass?!"

"Eh?? I thought they already knew from how you told Jin-Ho from the moment we left the hospital."

"Shut up." Jin-Woo balled his fist and set it in the air, his other hand on (M/n)'s chest to prevent him from moving. "Wait, wait! Don't actually—"

"Oppa, you're pregnant?" Sung Jin-Ah's shock had multiplied by 900, so did her happiness. "MOM! IM GOING TO BE AN AUNT! WOOHOO!" She stood up from her place and fetched her phone with a massive smile. She was going to brag to all her friends all about it, wasn't she?

"This is a pleasant surprise. Jin-Woo! You don't tell us about anything going on your life." Kyung-He also smiled, half scolding Jin-Woo. He was already 24, so he could decide as an adult. She had no problem with it. "First, you're a hunter, then your secret fiancee, now your child? Hoo, you.."

Wait, why did secret alpha boyfriend evolve into fiancee? They weren't getting married after the birth of the child!

(M/n)'s ears were about to bleed. He forgot about it! But because of their excessive happiness, he couldn't bring himself to disagree with what they were saying in fear they'd be disappointed. So he could only regrettably nod.

[Yay! Yay! Baby!!]

[We're getting a little hunter!! (☆ω☆)]

Jin-Woo's complexion became pale blue. They were doomed.

[laurasimonsdaughter]

The Counterfeit Marquise

A literary fairy tale published in 1697, presumably by Charles Perrault and François-Timoléon De Choisy (who spent a considerable amount of his life in drag, just like the protagonists of this story).

Translated by Ranjit Bolt, featured in Warner’s Wonder tales: six stories of enchantment (1996).

Cw: gender disphoria.

The Marquis de Banneville had been married barely six months to a beautiful and highly intelligent young heiress when he was killed in battle at Saint-Denis. His widow was profoundly affected. They had still been very much in love and no domestic quarrels had disturbed their happiness. She did not allow herself an excess of grief. With none of the usual lamentations, she withdrew to one of her country houses to weep at her leisure, without constraint or ostentation. But no sooner had she arrived than it was pointed out to her, on the basis of irrefutable evidence, that she was carrying a child. At first she rejoiced at the prospect of seeing a little replica of the man she had loved so much. She was careful to preserve her husband’s precious remains, and took every possible step to keep his memory alive. Her pregnancy was very easy, but as her time drew near she was tormented by a host of anxieties. She pictured a soldier’s gruesome death in its full horror. She imagined the same fate for the child she was expecting and, unable to reconcile herself to such a distressing idea, prayed a thousand times to heaven to send her a daughter who, by virtue of her sex, would be spared so cruel a fate. She did more: she made up her mind that, if nature did not answer her wishes, she would correct her. She took all the necessary precautions and made the midwife promise to announce to the world the birth of a girl, even if it was a boy.

Thanks to these measures the business was effected smoothly. Money settles everything. The marquise was absolute mistress in her château and word soon spread that she had given birth to a girl, though the child was actually a boy. It was taken to the curé who, in good faith, christened it Marianne. The wet nurse was also won over. She brought little Marianne up and subsequently became her governess. She was taught everything a girl of noble birth should know: dancing; music; the harpsichord. She grasped everything with such precocity her mother had no choice but to have her taught languages, history, even modern philosophy. There was no danger of so many subjects becoming confused in a mind where everything was arranged with such remarkable orderliness. And what was extraordinary, not to say delightful, was that so fine a mind should be found in the body of an angel. At twelve her figure was already formed. True, she had been a little constricted from infancy with an iron corset, to widen her hips and lift her bosom. But this had been a complete success and (though I shall not describe her until her first journey to Paris) she was already a very beautiful girl. She lived in blissful ignorance, quite unaware that she was not a girl. She was known in the province as la belle Marianne. All the minor gentry roundabout came to pay court to her, believing she was a rich heiress. She listened to them all and answered their gallantries with great wit and frankness. My heart, she said to her mother one day, isn’t made for provincials. If I receive them kindly it’s because I want to please people.

Be careful, my child, said the marquise: you’re talking like a coquette.

Ah, maman, she answered, let them come. Let them love me as much as they like. Why should you worry as long as I don’t love them?

The marquise was delighted to hear this, and gave her complete licence with these young men who, in any case, never strayed beyond the bounds of decorum. She knew the truth and so feared no consequences. La belle Marianne would study till noon and spend the rest of the day at her toilette.

After devoting the whole morning to my mind, she would say gaily, It’s only right to give the afternoon to my eyes, my mouth, all this little body of mine.

Indeed, she did not begin dressing till four. Her suitors would usually have gathered by then, and would take pleasure in watching her toilette. Her chambermaids would do her hair, but she would always add some new embellishment herself. Her blonde hair tumbled over her shoulders in great curls. The fire in her eyes and the freshness of her complexion were quite dazzling, and all this beauty was animated and enhanced by the thousand charming remarks that poured continually from the prettiest mouth in the world. All the young men around her adored her, nor did she miss any opportunity to increase that adoration. She would herself, with exquisite grace, put pendants in her ears – either of pearls, rubies or diamonds – all of which suited her to perfection. She wore beauty spots, preferably so tiny that one could barely see them with the naked eye and, if her complexion had not been so delicate and fine, could not have seen them at all. When putting them on she made a great show of consulting now one suitor, now another, as to which would suit her best. Her mother was overjoyed and kept congratulating herself on her ingenuity. He is twelve years old, she would say to herself under her breath. Soon I should have had to think about sending him to the Military Academy, and in two years he would have followed his poor father. Whereupon, transported with affection, she would go and kiss her darling daughter, and would let her indulge in all the coquetries that she would have condemned in anyone else’s child.

This is how matters stood when the Marquise de Banneville was obliged to go to Paris to deal with a lawsuit that one of her neighbours had taken out against her. Naturally she took her daughter with her, and soon realised that a pretty young girl can be useful when it comes to making petitions. The first person she went to see was her old friend the Comtesse d’Alettef,11 to ask for her advice and her protection for her daughter. The comtesse was struck by Marianne’s beauty and so enjoyed kissing her that she did so several times. She took on herself the task of chaperoning her, and looked after her when her mother was busy with her suit, promising to keep her amused. Marianne could not have fallen into better hands. The comtesse was born to enjoy life. She had managed to separate herself from an inconvenient husband. Not that he lacked qualities (he loved pleasure as much as she did) but since they could not agree in their choice of pleasures, they had the good sense not to get in one another’s way and each followed their own inclinations. The comtesse, though not young any more, was beautiful. But the desire for lovers had given way to the desire for money, and gambling was now her chief passion. She took Marianne everywhere, and everywhere she was received with delight.

Meanwhile, the Marquise de Banneville slept easily. She was well aware of the comtesse’s somewhat dubious reputation, and would never have trusted her with a real daughter. But quite apart from the fact that Marianne had been brought up with a strong sense of virtue, the marquise wanted a little amusement and so left her to her own devices, merely telling her that she was entering a scene very different from that of the provinces; that she would encounter passionate, devoted lovers at every turn; that she must not believe them too readily; that if she felt herself giving way she was to come and tell her everything; and that in future she would look on her as a friend rather than a daughter, and give her such advice as she herself might take.

Marianne, whom people were starting to call the little marquise, promised her mother that she would disclose all her feelings to her and, relying on past experience, believed herself a match for the gallantry of the French court. This was a bold undertaking thirty years ago. Magnificent dresses were made for her; all the newest fashions tried on her. The comtesse, who presided over all this, saw to it that her hair was dressed by Mlle de Canillac. She had only some child’s earrings and a few jewels; her mother gave her all hers, which were of poor workmanship, and managed at relatively little expense to have two pairs of diamond pendants made for her ears, and five or six crisping pins for her hair. These were all the ornaments she needed. The comtesse would send her carriage for her immediately after dinner and take her to the theatre, the opera, or the gaming houses. She was universally admired. Wives and daughters never tired of caressing her, and the loveliest of them heard her beauty praised without a hint of jealousy. A certain hidden charm, which they felt but did not understand, attracted them to her and forced them to pay homage where homage was due. Everyone succumbed to her spell and her wit, which was even more irresistible than her beauty, won her more certain and lasting conquests. The first thing that captivated them was the dazzling whiteness of her complexion. The bloom in her cheeks, forever appearing and reappearing, never ceased to amaze them. Her eyes were blue and as lively as one could wish; they flashed from beneath two heavy lids that made their glances more tender and languishing. Her face was oval-shaped and her scarlet lips, which protruded slightly, would break – even when she spoke with the utmost seriousness – into a dozen delightful creases, and into a dozen even more delightful when she laughed. This exterior – so charming in itself – was enhanced by all that a good education can add to an excellent nature. There was a radiance, a modesty in the little marquise’s countenance that inspired respect. She had a sense of occasion: she always wore a cap when she went to church, never a beauty spot – avoiding the ostentation cultivated by most women. At Mass, she would say, One prays to God; at balls one dances; and one must do both with total commitment.

She had been leading a most agreeable life for three months when Carnival came round. All the princes and officers had returned from camp, and everywhere entertainments were being held again. Everyone was giving parties and there was a great ball at the Palais Royal. The comtesse, who was too old to show her face on such occasions, decided to go masked and took the little marquise with her. She was dressed as a shepherdess in an extremely simple but becoming costume. Her hair, which hung down to her waist, was tied up in great curls with pink ribbons – no pearls, no diamonds, only a beautiful cap. She had dressed herself, but even so all eyes were fixed on her. That night her beauty was triumphant.

The handsome Prince Sionad was there, dressed as a woman – a rival to the fair sex who, in the opinion of connoisseurs, took first prize for beauty. On arriving at the ball the comtesse decided to go and sit behind the lovely Sionad. Chère princesse, she said as she drew near and introduced the little marquise, here is a young shepherdess you should find worth looking at. Marianne approached respectfully and wanted to kiss the hem of the prince’s dress (or should I say the princess’s) but he lifted her up, embraced her tenderly and cried delightedly: What a lovely girl! What fine features! What a smile! What delicacy! And if I’m not mistaken, she is as clever as she is beautiful.

The little marquise had responded only with a bashful smile when a young prince came up and claimed her for a dance. At first all eyes were fixed on him, owing to his rank. But when people saw her answering his questions without awkwardness or embarrassment; saw what a feel she had for the music; how gracefully she moved; her little jumps in time; her smiles, subtle without being malicious and the fresh glow that vigorous exercise brought to her face, total silence, as at a concert, descended on the hall. The violinists found to their delight that they could hear themselves play, and everyone seemed intent on watching and wondering at her. The dance ended with applause, little of it for the prince, popular though he was.

The acclaim that the little marquise had received at the Palais Royal ball greatly increased the comtesse’s affection and concern for her. She could no longer do without her and she offered her rooms in her house, so that she could enjoy her company at her leisure. But on no account would her mother agree to this. The little marquise was almost fourteen and, if the secret of her birth was to be kept, it was vital that no one should be on intimate terms with her except her governess, who got her up and saw her into bed. She was still quite ignorant of her situation and, though she had many admirers, felt nothing for them. She cared for nothing and no one but herself and her appearance. People spoke to her of nothing else. She drank down this delicious praise in long draughts and thought herself the most beautiful person in the world; the more so since her mirror swore to her every day that the praise was justified.

One day she was at the theatre, in the first tier, when she noticed a beautiful young man in the next box. He wore a scarlet doublet embroidered with gold and silver, but what fascinated her were his dazzling diamond earrings and three or four beauty spots. She watched him intently and found his countenance so sweet and amiable that she could not contain herself, and said to the comtesse: Madame, look at that young man! Isn’t he handsome! Indeed, said the comtesse, but he is too conscious of his looks, and that is not becoming in a man. He might as well dress as a girl.

The performance went on and they said nothing more, but the little marquise often turned her head, no longer able to concentrate on the play, which was The Feign’d Alcibiades. Some days later she was at the theatre again in the third tier. The same young man, who drew such attention to himself with his extraordinary adornments, was in the second tier. He watched the little marquise at his leisure, as fascinated by her as she had been by him on the previous occasion, but less restrained. He kept turning his back on the actors, unable to take his eyes off her and she, for her part, responded in a manner less than consistent with the dictates of modesty. She felt in this exchange of looks something she had never experienced before: a certain joy at once subtle and profound, which passes from the eyes to the heart and constitutes the only real happiness in life. At last the play ended and, while they waited for the afterpiece, the beautiful young man left his box and went to ask the little marquise’s name. The porters, who saw her often, were happy to oblige him; they even told him where she lived. He now saw that she was of noble birth and decided, if possible, to make her acquaintance, even if he went no further. He resolved (love being ingenious) to enter her box by accident.

Ah, madame, he cried, I beg your pardon: I thought this was my box. The Marquise de Banneville loved intrigue and made the most of this one. Monsieur, she said to him with great frankness, we are indeed fortunate in your mistake: a man as handsome as you is welcome anywhere.

She hoped in this way to detain him so that she could look at him at her leisure; examine him and his adornments; please her daughter (whose feelings she had already detected) and, in a word, have some harmless amusement. He hesitated before deciding to remain in the box without taking a seat at the front. They asked him a hundred questions, to which he replied very wittily. His manner and tone of voice had an undeniable charm. The little marquise asked him why he wore pendants in his ears. He replied that he always had: his ears had been pierced when he was a child. As for the rest, they must excuse these little embellishments, normally only suitable for the fair sex, on the grounds of youth.

Everything suits you, monsieur, said the little marquise with a blush. You can wear beauty spots and bracelets as far as we’re concerned. You wouldn’t be the first. These days young men are always doing themselves up like girls. The conversation never flagged. When the afterpiece was over he conducted the ladies to their coach and had his follow it as far as the marquise’s house where, not daring to enter, he sent a page to present his compliments.

During the days that followed they saw him everywhere: in church; in the park; at the opera and the theatre. He was always unassuming, always respectful. He would bow low to the little marquise, not daring to approach or speak to her. He seemed to have but one object, and wasted no time in attaining it. Finally, after three weeks, the Marquise de Banneville’s brother (who was a state councillor) called and suggested that she receive a visitor – his good friend and neighbour, the Marquis de Bercour. He assured her that he was an excellent man and brought him round immediately after lunch. The marquis was the handsomest man in the world; his hair was black and arranged in thick, natural-looking curls. It was cut in line with the ears so that his diamond earrings could be seen. On this particular day he had attached to each of these a pearl. He also wore two or three beauty spots (no more) to emphasise his fine complexion.

Ah, brother, said the marquise, is this the Marquis de Bercour? Yes, madame, replied the marquis, and he cannot live any longer without seeing the loveliest girl in the world.

As he said this he turned towards the little marquise, who was beside herself with joy. They sat and talked, exchanging news, discussing amusements and new books. The little marquise was a versatile conversationalist, and they were soon at ease with one another. The old councillor was the first to leave, the marquis the last, having remained as long as he felt he could.

After this he never missed an opportunity of paying court to the girl he loved, and always made sure that everything was perfect. When the good weather came and they went out walking to Vincennes or in the Bois, they would find a magnificent collation, which seemed to have been brought there by magic, at a place specially chosen in the shade of some trees. One day there would be violins; the next oboes. The marquis had apparently given no instructions, yet it was obvious that he had arranged everything. Nevertheless, it took several days to guess who had given the little marquise a magnificent present. One morning a carrier brought a chest to her house which he said was from the Comtesse Alettef. She opened it eagerly and was delighted to find in it gloves, scents, pomades, perfumed oils, gold boxes, little toilet cases, more than a dozen snuff boxes in different styles, and countless other treasures. The little marquise wanted to thank the comtesse, who had no idea what she was talking about. She found out in the end, but reproached herself more than once for not having guessed at once.

These little attentions advanced the marquis’s cause considerably. The little marquise greatly appreciated them. Madame, she said to her mother with admirable honesty, I no longer know where I am. Once I wanted to be beautiful in everyone’s eyes; now the only person I want to find me beautiful is the marquis. I used to love balls, plays, receptions, places where there was a lot of noise. Now I’m tired of all that. My only pleasure in life is to be alone and think about the man I love. He’s coming soon, I whisper to myself. Perhaps he’ll tell me he loves me. Yes, madame, he hasn’t said that yet; hasn’t spoken those wonderful words: I love you, though his eyes and his actions have told me so a hundred times. Then, my child, replied the marquise, I’m very sorry for you. You were happy before you saw the marquis. You enjoyed everyone’s company; everyone loved you and you loved only yourself, your own person, your beauty. You were wholly consumed with the desire to please, and please you did. Why change such a delightful life? Take my advice, my dear child: let your sole concern be to profit from the advantages nature has given you. Be beautiful: you have experienced that joy; is there any other to touch it? To draw everyone’s gaze; to win all hearts; to delight people wherever one goes; to hear oneself praised continually, and not by flatterers; to be loved by all and love only oneself: that, my child, is the height of happiness, and you can enjoy it for a long time. You are a queen, don’t make yourself a slave: you must resist at the outset a passion that is carrying you away in spite of yourself. Now you command, but soon you will obey. Men are fickle: the marquis loves you today – tomorrow he will love someone else.

Stop loving me! said the little marquise. Love someone else! And she burst into tears.

Her mother, who loved her dearly, tried to console her and succeeded by telling her that the marquis was coming. There was a lot at stake and this incipient passion caused her considerable alarm. Where will it lead? she asked herself. To what bizarre conclusion. If the marquis declares himself – if he plucks up courage and asks for certain favours – she will refuse him nothing. But then, she reflected, the little marquise has been well trained; she is sensible; at most she will grant such trifling favours as will leave them in ignorance – an ignorance essential to their happiness.

They were talking like this when someone came to tell them that the marquis had sent them a dozen partridges, and that he was at the door, not daring to enter as he had just returned from hunting.

Send him in! cried the little marquise. We want to see him in his hunting clothes. He entered a moment later, all apologies for powder marks, sun burn and a dishevelled wig. No, no, said the little marquise. I assure you, we like you better dressed informally like this than in all your finery. If that is so, madame, he replied, next time you will see me dressed as a stoker.

He remained standing, as though about to leave. They made him sit and the marquise, kind soul, told them to sit together while she went to her study to write. The chambermaids knew what was what and withdrew to the dressing-room, leaving the lovers alone together. They were silent for a while. The little marquise, still flustered after her talk with her mother, scarcely dared raise her eyes, and the marquis, even more embarrassed, looked at her and sighed. There was something tender in this silence. The looks they exchanged, the sighs they could not contain, were for them a form of language – a language lovers often use – and their mutual embarrassment seemed to them a sign of love. The little marquise was the first to awake from this reverie.

You’re dreaming, marquis, she said. What of? Hunting? Ah, beautiful marquise, said the marquis, how lucky hunters are! They are not in love. What do you mean? she rejoined. Is being in love really so terrible? Madame, he replied, it is the greatest happiness in life. But unrequited love is the greatest misfortune. I am in love and it is not requited. I am in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. Venus herself would not dare put herself before her. I love her and she does not love me. She has no feelings. She sees me, she listens to me, and she remains cruelly silent. She even turns her eyes away from mine. How heartless! How can I doubt my fate? As he spoke these last words, the marquis knelt down before the little marquise and kissed her hands – nor did she object. Her eyes were lowered and let fall great tears.

Beautiful marquise, he said, you’re crying. You’re crying and I know the reason for your tears. My love is irksome to you. Ah, marquis, she answered with a heavy sigh, one can cry for joy as well as pain. I’ve never been so happy. She said no more and, stretching out her arms to her beloved marquis, granted him the favours she would have denied all the kings of the earth. Caresses were all the protestations of love they needed. The marquis found in the little marquise’s lips a compliance that her eyes had hidden from him, and this conversation would have lasted longer if the marquise had not emerged from her study. She found them laughing and crying at the same time, and wondered whether such tears had ever needed drying.

The marquis immediately rose to leave, but the marquise said to him pleasantly: Monsieur, won’t you stay and dine on the partridges you brought? He needed little persuading. What he desired more than anything else in the world was to be on familiar terms in this house. He stayed, even though he was dressed in hunting clothes, and had the exquisite pleasure of seeing the girl he loved eat. It is one of life’s chief delights. To watch at close quarters a pink mouth that, as it opens, reveals gums of coral and teeth of alabaster; that opens and closes with the rapidity that accompanies all the actions of youth; to see a beautiful face animated by an often repeated pleasure, and to be experiencing the same pleasure at the same time – this is a privilege love grants to few.

After that happy day the marquis made sure he dined there every night. It was a regular affair and the little marquise’s suitors, who had had no cause to be jealous of one another, took it as settled. She had made her choice and they all admitted that beauty and vanity, however powerful, are no defence against love. The Comte d’****, one of her most ardent admirers, had a keen sense that his passion was being made light of. He was handsome, well built, brave, a soldier: he could not allow the little marquise to give herself to the Marquis de Bercour, whom he considered vastly inferior in every respect to himself. He decided to pick a quarrel with him and so disgrace him, thinking him too effeminate to dare cross swords with him. However, to his great surprise, at the first word he uttered when they met at the Porte des Tuileries, the marquis drew his sword and thrust at him with gusto. After a hard-fought duel they were parted by mutual friends.

This adventure pleased the little marquise. It gave her lover a war-like air, though she trembled for him nevertheless. She saw clearly that her beauty and her preference for him would constantly be exposing him to such encounters, and she said to him one day: Marquis, we must put an end to jealousy once and for all; we must silence gossip. We love one another and always will. We must bind ourselves to one another with ties that only death can break.

Ah, beautiful marquise, he said, what are you thinking of? Does our happiness bore you? Marriage, as a rule, puts an end to pleasure. Let us remain as we are. For my part, I am content with your favours and will never ask you for anything more. But I am not content, said the little marquise. I can see clearly that there is something missing in our happiness, and perhaps we will find it when you belong to me entirely, and I to you. It would not be right, replied the marquis, for you to throw in your lot with a younger son who has spent the bulk of his fortune and whom you still know only by appearances, which are often deceptive.

But that’s just what I love about it, she interrupted. I’m so happy that I have enough money for us both, and to have the chance of showing you that I love you and you alone.

They had reached this point when the Marquise de Banneville interrupted them. She had been closeted with her agents, and thought she would refresh herself with some lively young company, but she found them in a deeply serious mood. The marquis had been greatly put out by the little marquise’s proposal. Ostensibly it was very much to his advantage, but he had secret objections to it, which he considered insurmountable. The little marquise, for her part, was a little annoyed at having taken such a bold step in vain, but she soon recovered, deciding that the marquis had refused out of respect for her – or that he wished to prove the depth of his feelings for her. This thought made her decide to speak to her mother about it, and she did so the following day.

No one was ever more astonished than the Marquise de Banneville when her daughter spoke to her of marriage. She was sixteen and no longer a child. Her eyes had not been opened to her situation, and her mother hoped they never would be. She was careful not to agree to the match, but to reveal the truth would have been a painful solution both for her daughter and the marquis. She resolved to do so only as a last resort. Meanwhile she would prevent, or at least postpone, the marriage. The marquis was in agreement with her on this, but the little marquise – passionate creature that she was – begged, entreated, wept, used every means to persuade her mother. She never doubted her lover, since he did not dare oppose her with the same firmness. Finally she pushed her mother to the point where she said these words to her: My dear child, you leave me no choice: against my better judgement I must reveal to you something that I would have given my life to conceal from you. I loved your poor father and when I lost him so tragically, in dread of your meeting the same fate, I prayed with all my heart for a daughter. I was not so fortunate: I gave birth to a son and I have brought him up as a daughter. His sweetness, his inclinations, his beauty, all assisted my plan. I have a son and the whole world believes I have a daughter. Ah, madame! cried the little marquise, is it possible that I …? Yes, my child, said her mother embracing her, you are a boy. I can see how painful this news must be for you. Habit has given you a different nature. You are used to a life very different from the one you might have led. I wanted you to be happy and would never have revealed the sad truth to you if your obstinacy over the marquis had not forced me to. You see now what you were about to do? How, but for me, you would have exposed yourself to public ridicule?

The little marquise did not answer. Instead she merely wept and in vain her mother said to her: But my child, go on living as you were. Be the beautiful little marquise still – loved, adored by all who see her. Love your beautiful marquis if you like, but do not think of marrying him. Alas! cried the little marquise through her tears, he has asked for nothing more. He flies into a rage when I mention marriage. Ah! Could it be that he knows my secret? If I thought that, dear mother, I would go and hide myself in the furthest corner of the earth. Could he know it? In floods of tears now, she added: Alas, poor little marquise, what will you do? Will you dare show your face again and act the beauty? But what have you said? What have you done? What name can one give the favours you have granted the marquis? Blush! Blush, unhappy girl! Ah, nature you are blind: why did you not warn me of my duty? Alas! I acted in good faith, but now I see the truth and I must behave quite differently in future. I must not think about the man I love – I must do what is right.

She was uttering these words with determination when it was announced that the marquis was at the door of the antechamber. He entered with a happy air and was amazed to see both mother and daughter with lowered eyes and in tears. The mother did not wait for him to speak but rose and went to her room. He took courage and said: What’s the matter, beautiful marquise? If something is distressing you, won’t you share it with your friends? What? You won’t even look at me! Am I the cause of this weeping? Am I to blame without knowing it?

The little marquise dissolved in tears. No! No! she cried. No! That could never be, and if it were so I would not feel as I do. Nature is wise and there is a reason for everything she does.

The marquis had no idea what all this meant. He was asking for an explanation when the marquise, who had recovered a little, left her room and came to her daughter’s aid. Look at her, she said to the marquis. As you see, she is quite beside herself. I am to blame. I tried to stop her but she would have her fortune told, and they said she would never marry the man she loved. That has upset her, Monsieur le Marquis, and you know why.

For my part, madame, he replied, I am not at all upset. Let her remain always as she is. I ask only to see her. I shall be more than happy if she will consider me her best friend.

With this the conversation ended. Emotions had been stirred, and would take time to settle. But they settled so completely that after eight days there was no sign of any upheaval. The marquis’s presence, his charm, his caresses, obliterated from the little marquise’s mind everything her mother had told her. She no longer believed any of it, or rather did not wish to believe. Pleasure triumphed over reflection. She lived as she had done before with her lover and felt her passion increase with such violence that thoughts of a lasting union returned to torment her. Yes, she said to herself, he cannot go back on his word now. He will never desert me. She had resolved to speak of it again, when her mother fell ill. Her illness was so grave that after three days all hope of a cure was abandoned. She made her will and sent for her brother, the councillor, whom she appointed the little marquise’s guardian. He was her uncle and her heir, since all the property came from the mother. She confided to him the truth about her daughter’s birth, begging him to take it seriously and to let her lead a life of innocent pleasure that would harm no one and which, since it precluded her marrying, would guarantee his children a rich inheritance.

The good councillor was delighted at this news and saw his sister die without shedding a tear. The income of thirty thousand francs that she left the little marquise seemed certain to pass to his children, and he had only to encourage his niece’s infatuation for the marquis. He did so with great success, telling her that he would be like a father to her and had no wish to be her guardian except in name.

This sympathetic behaviour consoled the little marquise somewhat – and she was certainly distraught – but the sight of her beloved marquis consoled her even more. She saw that she was absolute mistress of her fate, and her sole aim was to share it with the man she loved. Six months of official mourning passed, after which pleasures of all kinds once again filled her life. She went often to balls, the theatre, the opera, and always in the same company. The marquis never left her side and all her other suitors, seeing that it was a settled affair, had withdrawn. They lived happily and would perhaps have thought of nothing else, if malicious tongues could have left them in peace. Everywhere, people were saying that, while the little marquise was beautiful, since her mother’s death she had lost all sense of decorum: she was seen everywhere with the marquis; he was practically living in her house; he dined there every day and never left before midnight. Her best friends found grounds for censure in this: they sent her anonymous letters and warned her uncle, who spoke to her about it. Finally, things went so far that the little marquise went back to her first idea and decided to marry the marquis. She put this to him forcefully; he resisted likewise, only agreeing on condition that the marriage would be a purely public affair, and that they would live together like brother and sister. This, he said, was how they must always love one another. The little marquise readily agreed. She often remembered what her mother had told her. She spoke of it to her uncle, who began by outlining all the pitfalls of marriage and ended by giving his consent. He saw that, by this means, the income of thirty thousand francs was sure to pass to his family. There was no danger of his niece having children by the Marquis de Bercour whereas, if she did not marry him, her notion that she was a girl might change with time and with her beauty, which was sure to fade. So a wedding day was fixed on, bridal clothes made and the ceremony held at the good uncle’s house. (As guardian he undertook to give the wedding feast.)

The little marquise had never looked as beautiful as she did that day. She wore a dress of black velours completely covered in gems, pink ribbons in her hair and diamond pendants in her ears. The Comtesse d’Alettef, who would always love her, went with her to the church, where the marquis was waiting. He wore a black velours cloak decked with gold braid, his hair was in curls, his face powdered, there were diamond pendants in his ears and beauty spots on his face. In short, he was adorned in such a way that his best friends could not excuse such vanity. The couple were united for ever and everyone showered them with blessings. The banquet was magnificent, the king’s music and the violons were there. At last the hour came and relatives and friends put the couple together in a nuptial bed and embraced them, the men laughing, a few good old aunts weeping.

It was then that the little marquise was astonished to find how cold and insensitive her lover was. He stayed at one end of the bed, sighing and weeping. She approached him tentatively. He did not seem to notice her. Finally, no longer able to endure so painful a state of affairs, she said: What have I done to you, marquis? Don’t you love me any more? Answer me or I shall die, and it will be your fault.

Alas, madame, said the marquis, didn’t I tell you? We were living together happily – you loved me – and now you will hate me. I have deceived you. Come here and see.

So saying he took her hand and placed it on the most beautiful bosom in the world. You see, he said, dissolving in tears, you see I am useless to you: I am a woman like you.

Who could describe here the little marquise’s surprise and delight? At this moment she had no doubt that she was a boy and, throwing herself into the arms of her beloved marquis, she gave him the same surprise, the same delight. They soon made their peace, wondered at their fate – a fate that had brought matters on to such a happy conclusion – and exchanged a thousand vows of undying love.

As for me, said the little marquise, I am too used to being a girl, and I want to remain one all my life. How could I bring myself to wear a man’s hat?

And I, said the marquis, have used a sword more than once without disgracing myself. I’ll tell you about my adventures some day. Let’s continue as we are, then. Beautiful marquise, enjoy all the pleasures of your sex, and I shall enjoy all the freedom of mine.

The day after the wedding they received the usual compliments and, eight days later, left for the provinces, where they still live in one of their châteaux. The uncle should visit them there: he would find, to his surprise, that a beautiful child has resulted from their marriage – one to put paid to his hopes of a rich inheritance.

[daturanerium]

i've been thinking about griddlehark recently, especially since i've listened to the gideon audiobook for the first time. i love them lots! but i had forgotten just how terrible harrow was to gideon in the beginning, and how blindly devoted gideon was to harrow (even when they were mortal enemies). i'm not sure if i'd be happy with them becoming canon without completely addressing that, so i'm going to talk about what i would like to see happen in alecto to deal with the power imbalance.

as someone who's been in a very similar position to gideon (being a punching bag to someone i'm devoted to out of love) i can speak from experience when i say that it sucks. i currently do not have much of a relationship with that person anymore, but gideon clearly wants to pursue one with harrow--whether that be platonic or romantic.

right now griddlehark are suffering from a severe power imbalance with harrow coming out on top. even during htn, harrow made choices for gideon without consulting her first or considering how it would affect her (mainly the lobotomy, which clearly bothered gideon based on how she talked about it in act five--or rather, didnt). harrow tormented gideon for her entire life. i feel like people tend to brush over this or treat it as a child's rivalry instead of treating it as it was (or how i read it to be): constant, unrelenting abuse. harrow canonically tried to kill gideon multiple times throughout their childhood. by the time we reach gtn, it almost seems like tormenting gideon is a game for harrow, considering the way she handled gideon's escape attempt. she pulled it away at the very last second for no other reason (that we know of) than to make gideon feel the worst. obviously we know now that harrow is fucked up in her own way. growing up mostly without parents, with incredibly high expectations based around being a literal war crime and the only surviving necromancer in the royal line, she's desperate to find and cling onto any control she can get over anything and anyone. she's gone through an incredible amount of character development within the last two books. i'm a huge fan of that! i think it's very safe to say that harrow cares about gideon as an equal and wants her friendship--the entirety of htn is basically a tragic love letter to her. but that doesn't make the lasting impact of how she acted go away.

on the other hand, gideon has apparently always been devoted to harrow: on page 332 of gtn she says that she was "hungry for the Reverend Daughter's occupation" in her youth, and strongly implies that she endured harrow's ceaseless beatings and torment because it was the only thing gideon received other than people blindly hating her or ignoring her. harrow was fascinated and obsessed with her in a terrible, violent way, but at least it was something. this is, of course, worsened after gideon walks in on harrow after The Incident. that, mixed with the overhanging inherent power imbalance of gideon being harrow's/the locked tomb's indentured servant since birth, means that gideon has never known a life free of harrow's control over her. being devoted to harrow is gideon's norm--she's literally never known anything different. and, on top of that, she's never expected anything in return. hoped, maybe, but never expected. gideon tries to leave but is stopped every time by harrow; the only way gideon is able to experience her first bout of "independence" is through caanan house, which was an opportunity given to her by harrow. harrowhark has been a constant in gideon's life since she was one year old. gideon relied on her for some semblance of normalcy and a twisted form of recognition. gideon goes through a lot of character development in caanan house as well, and we get to watch her and harrow start to deconstruct their corrupted relationship and reform it into something better and healthier. but even then, gideon still ends up making the ultimate sacrifice for "the Ninth": aka harrow, since she states not five pages before that she doesn't actually care about the Ninth at all and is only doing this for her (that is open to interpretation, but i think it's safe to say that gideon's main reason for jumping was to save harrow regardless of how you interpret her last words). later, at the end of htn, gideon still doesn't expect much from harrow in return. "harrowhark, i gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it." comes to mind. it's not about whether or not the statement is true, it's about what gideon believes based on harrow's past actions. the idea of harrow refusing gideon's sacrifice is more believable to her than harrow succumbing to her grief. i'm not even sure if gideon knows about the lobotomy. if someone told her, would she believe them?

so, right now, we have one person desperate for control and the other hopelessly devoted to a fault. both harrow and gideon are far different women now than they were at the beginning of gtn! they're in the middle of their character arcs right now. here's how i would like to see griddlehark rekindle their relationship in a healthy way:

gideon spends a lot of time harrow-free. she learns what life is like without harrow present. she gets to discover herself without harrow there. gideon still cares about harrow, obviously, and will spend time trying to find and reconnect with her. i hope that in the meantime she gets to find herself as an individual! she needs to see that she is more than just "harrow's mortal enemy" or "harrow's cavalier". she is someone outside of her relationship with harrow, whatever that relationship may be. when she reunites with harrow, i hope that it's a choice that gideon makes, not because harrow asks for her.

when reunited, harrow takes full responsibility and accountability for her past actions against gideon. this has sort of happened, but only in the sense of harrow's self-loathing: she gets angry during the pool scene in gtn, but that's based around "i was awful to you, why are you being kind to me"; not really an apology. later, she asks gideon if she forgives her and gideon says yes--but harrow never apologized. in my opinion, no forgiveness is true if there's no apology. i'd like to see harrow fully recognize her past actions--and, more specifically, how they affected gideon. she's focused a lot on how they impacted herself, but even in the pool scene (as much as i love it) gideon's feelings were mostly sidelined. by harrow taking accountability, both of them can continue their path to healing and growing their relationship. (also, harrow Officially releasing gideon from her duty to the locked tomb as an indentured servant would be really nice. i know with everything going on it's technically moot but i think it would still mean a lot, especially on the road to equalizing their relationship)

gideon and harrow acting as equal partners! we caught the beginnings of this in the second half (especially the end) of gtn, but they haven't really had a chance to flesh (heh) it out since. i'm really looking forward to that!

i really love these characters. they're some of my favorites, ever--and that's saying something, because i've read a lot of books. harrow especially has had some of the most enjoyable character development i've read in a long time. we're in the middle of the series and there's still lots of loose ends to tie up! i just hope this is one of them.

[messrmoonyy]

same anon here that asked for the remus returning thing, sorry for the confusion i meant like after he gets back but they aren’t back together yet and there are those few days we’re dora is kinda cold and distant just to protect herself and remus is doing whatever he can :)

My girl Dora ain’t no doormat, no way was she letting him get away with treating her like that and just forgive him immediately. Remus did some grovelling for sure.

Pairing: Remus lupin x Nymphadora Tonks

Warnings: none

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Tonks woke up to the sound of quiet clattering, a scent of sausages and bacon and eggs. Fresh pastries and pumpkin juice. She opened one eye but the bedroom door was closed still, the other side of the bed as cold as it had been for the last month and a half. Ever since Remus had returned to her he’d been sleeping on the sofa, still trying to even come to terms with being able to look at him in the eye. Never mind sleep beside him. She had said she’d sleep on the sofa at first. It was his home after all, who was she to make him sleep on the sofa in his own home? But he’d insisted she take the bed.

She had deliberated moving to her parents. She knew that would be the eventual outcome anyway, they weren’t exactly in the position for her to just waltz into st Mungos to give birth. But the thought of staying with her mother fussing for longer than necessary wasnt all that appealing. So she had stayed put and waited for Remus. And now he was on the sofa until she finally shifted the last of her hurt.

She still loved him, of course she did. But she couldn’t shake the purely painful feeling of betrayal. He had come back so she guessed she should have been relieved. But it was the fact that he had ran in the first place. The fight had been bitter, his words stinging her like acid, biting at her, beating her down until she felt completely worthless. She’d never heard him say such things. She didn’t know he had it in him. He’d always been such a gentle soul, she’d only heard him raise his voice once or twice. But everyone has a breaking point, everyone snaps. And he had. At her.

She’d never known he could muster words so cruel. Didn’t know his usually gentle face could twist into such hatred. Didn’t know he could look at as if he could barely stand to be within ten feet of her, when he so often only looked at her with adoration.

He’d come back quite literally begging for her forgiveness, down on his knees and finding every and any word he could to try and prove how sorry he was. She had let him back because she loved him. Because she was carrying their child. But she hadn’t forgiven him. And she wasn’t about to anytime soon she guessed. No matter how hard he was trying to win her back around.

He kept leaving her gifts, there was a constant supply of fresh flowers for her every morning. She had ignored them at first, leaving them on the kitchen counter to wilt and die. He’d started placing them in a vase now. Sometimes it was breakfast- like it seemed to be that morning from the smell. Fresh pastries on the pillow when she went to bed, chocolate frogs in her sock drawer, copies of the quibbler because she liked the comic pages, the list was never ending. She couldn’t lie that she liked his grovelling, it was really the least he could do after all he’d said to her. And she felt she deserved to have him pay for what he’d done.

She sat up in bed and sighed to herself, glancing over at the small box beside the bed that held her wedding ring. She’d thrown it in his face the night he’d left her, it landing somewhere at their feet in the front garden. She’d not even been sure on where it had landed. It had appeared on her pillow a few days after Remus had come back and she wondered if he’d actually taken it with him when he ran. Or if he’d just searched for it when he returned. She’d shoved it in the box and not touched it since. She wished she could’ve gone back to the wedding day. He’d been so happy. She’d been so happy. Her mother would’ve hated the wedding, but that had made almost a little more enjoyable. It wasn’t even the slightest part traditional.

A tiny church in what felt like the coldest part of Scotland going. Some strangers they’d met a few hours before in a local pub as witnesses, no big crowds of guests. No fancy white dress. She’d worn her boots and the nicest dress she could find in her wardrobe back home. Her bouquet had been some flowers nicked from someone’s front garden, one of which she’d pinned to Remus. It wasn’t perfect in anyone else’s eyes, but it was to her. To him. They’d shared their own vows, been bound together by magic and love and hope. They’d danced all night, stayed up until the sun rose sat up on a cliff over looking the sea. And of course the stumbled walk back to their B&B over the pub, the event that had inevitably created the tiny person residing inside her now. And that was that.

But the Remus that had shouted at her, told her that they had no choice but to her rid of the abomination they had created… that didn’t feel like the Remus she had married. She didn’t recognise that man. That wasn’t her Remus. That wasn’t the man she loved, had married, had given up everything for. He was a stranger to her.

She got dressed then, not wanting to fall into the hole of longing for Remus again and put herself in a bad mood, before leaving the bedroom. Remus was stood in the kitchen and smiling at her as she opened the bedroom door. The bedroom was the only place in the house that offered her privacy, the rest being tiny and open plan. She spent most of her time in there just lately and thankfully for her, he often left her to it. The bedroom being almost out of bounds to him. He hadn’t stepped foot in there since coming back.

“ good morning Dora “ he greeted quietly and she shook her head at him, raising a hand and pointing at his face.

“ no. I told you already. You don’t get to call me that now “ he looked down at the floor for a moment and nodded. He looked like a kicked puppy but she told herself she didn’t care. He deserved to hurt like she had. He did.

“ right. I’m sorry. Tonks “ he cleared his throat awkwardly and gestured to the table “ I. I have breakfast for you. I have to nip out to the Weasleys for a while but there’s more food in the fridge for you if that isn’t to your liking “ she sniffed and turned her head away from the table. She didn’t know why but his kindness just made her mad. Like a switch flicked inside of her.

“ and you’ll return this time? Or planning another week away? “ he sighed and ran a hand through his hair “ need another chat with Harry so you? Listen to a child’s advice but not your own wife right? “

“ Dora ple- “

“ no! “ she hadn’t completely intended to shout but she had. She closed her eyes, balling her hair into fists and tried to get rid of her sudden lack of calm. She could feel angry tears burning behind her eyelids and she blamed her messed up hormones. She refused to cry in front of him again. Refused to show the hurt he was still causing her weeks after her left “ just. Just go the Weasleys. Go on “ he hesitated for a moment and gave a small nod.

He knew better than to argue with her now. Knew it would get him no where.

“ just. Please make sure you eat something. It’s not good for the b- “

“ don’t stand there and pretend you care “ she snapped “ don’t “

“ Tonks I do. I do care I have apologised I don’t know what else I- “

“ if you cared you wouldn’t have left “ there was silence then. So quiet it was almost painful. But she felt like twisting the knife, plunging it deeper and drawing out as much agony as she could. She wanted him to hurt like she had, to feel the pieces of his heart shatter inside his chest, splinter his lungs so it felt as though no air could reach him. Make him feel how she had “ I am only here because unfortunately for me. You are the father of my baby. I don’t care how much you apologise. I will never forgive you Remus Lupin. Never “

The words burnt her own throat as she spoke them, and regret seeped into her chest. But she stayed firm. Refused to cry. Refused to feel guilty. He deserved it.

She had clearly struck a nerve. His eyes swam with pain, his hands hanging limply at his side. Defeated. Hurt. She’d won that round.

“ I don’t know how many time I can apologise “ he said weakly “ I know it’ll never come close to repairing what I did but- “

“ please. Just go to the Weasleys “ she said with a sigh and turned away from him as her tears finally fell. She didn’t want him to see. She closed her eyes. gripping onto the kitchen counter so her knuckles turned white. She heard movement behind her and the front door opening.

“ please make sure you eat “ he said softly before the front door closed and she dropped down to her knees, letting her tears run freely. Her body wracked with sobs

————————-

When Remus had been on the sofa for 2 months, and Tonks was finally starting to pass the phase of just looking a little fat, to actually looking pregnant, nearing her 4th month. She had started to become a little more forgiving. She had started to sit with him at breakfast again, didn’t shut down every single conversation he tried to start with her, sat beside him when he read by the fire in the evenings. Though she always left a fair space between them.

She found she’d started to miss him greatly. Trying to deal with how much her body was changing on her own wasn’t exactly the most fun thing. Remus was still piling her with as much affection as he could, even though she still wasn’t particularly receptive to it. But she had to admire his determination.

“ Nymphadora. I was wondering if I could have a word “ she turned to face him as she toed off her boots, having only just gotten home from a trip to see her parents “ please. If you would “ she hung up her jacket and nodded, walking over to him as he gestured towards the table where a small yellow gift bag was sat.

She sat down at the small table, it had an old copy of the prophet folded up under one leg to stop it from wobbling, but it still moved slightly when she picked up the gift bag.

“ you can’t buy my forgiveness “ she stated, not looking inside the bag “ I told you that already Remus. I can’t be bought “ he gave a small nod, clasping his hands tighter.

“ yes. I know. I do. Just- please “ he nodded towards the bag and she hesitated but sighed before pulling at the ribbon and pulling out the tissue paper. She froze when her figures fell upon a soft cotton and she realised what was in the bag. She pulled it out, dropping the bag to the floor “ I wasn’t- I wasn’t sure on the size or- it’s like Hufflepuff, you see? Of course I couldn’t get an official one. It was a muggle shop and I had to be quite quick I didn’t want to risk anything. I mean I had options of course but- “

“ Remus “ she cut him off. It was a babygrow. It was a pastel green with a badger embroidered on the chest. It was the first piece of clothing their child had. She hadn’t exactly had the best of opportunities to go shopping down Diagon alley for some herself.

“ Dora “ he tried her nickname again for the first time in weeks and this time she didn’t chastise him for it “ I know I’ll never be able to take back what I said. But as I told you when I returned. I had time to think. And these past months I’ve been thinking too “ he reached out gingerly for her hand and when she didn’t pull away he gently took it in both of his “ all I ever wanted was a normal life. A normal family. And now… now I have that chance. With the woman I love and. And our child “

“ and what if he’s not… ‘ Normal ‘. If he’s different. I’d hes half werewolf. Or full. Or. In between “ she was getting a little tense with her words again and she tried her best to remain calm. She was finally getting a truthful and meaningful opinion from Remus on the matter. She should be thankful for that. Even with the betrayal still poking the back of her mind occasionally.

“ then I’ll love him all the same. He’ll be could be born with four legs and 5 arms, two heads. No magic at all. I’d still love him. Because we made him Nymphadora. You and I. And I…. I never thought I’d get that. I never believed I’d be a father. A husband. Now I have that opportunity and I see how much of a fool I was to try and throw that away “ he squeezed her hand gently, his thumb rubbing circles over her knuckles in a soothing way. She knew him well enough to know when he was lying to her. And he wasn’t now.

“ let’s deal with the possible moon situation before we worry about any extra limbs shall we? “ she said with a small smile and watched as he seemed to relax every muscle in his body, his worries that she wouldn’t accept his apologies slipping away “ I won’t forgot what you said to me. And to him “ she placed her free hand on her stomach as she spoke “ but you’re his dad. Nothing is going to change that. And the world really fucked up right now. Like. Really. And so we have to protect him. Love him more than we can even think about “ Remus nodded.

She refused to let the world ruin her baby, refused to let him be warped into a life of terror and fear. Of feeling outcast and alone like his father had. Remus stood up then and knelt down in front of her.

“ I love you Nymphadora. And I love him… or her “ she smiled slightly as he placed a gentle hand over hers that was still cradling her bump. Remus’ acceptance suddenly made it feel all the more real. In just 4 months they’d have a baby. A real one. Screaming and crying and laughing. A most innocent thing born into a world on the brink of disaster. And somehow her and Remus had to keep him safe. And kind. And loved. They weren’t exactly the most functional of couples so it was no doubt that their family wouldn’t be either. But they’d make it work. They would.

Werewolf or not.

—————————————-

It was another week after that that she finally caved. The talk had most definitely been the turning point. And she’d kissed him again that evening for the first time in months. Was actually letting him touch her again without recoiling. Though he was still on the sofa.

Though December had well and truly arrived. The cold weather setting her into an almost constant chill, the old cottage not offering much in terms insulation. And she missed having him wrapped around her. He was always warm. And didn’t complain when her cold hands found there way under his shirt in the night to warm up. She also just missed him. Just him. Her Remus. The man she’d fallen in love with. She wanted him back beside her, his slow breaths on her neck in the night, his legs tangled with hers. Even the way his facial hair scratched at her when they kissed. She just missed him.

So it was almost no surprise to her when she found herself slipping out of bed, the coldness of the stone floor seeping through her socks and chilling her already numb feet some more. She opened the bedroom door slowly to see if he was awake or not.

He was in the armchair, a book on his lap. Clearly having not planned to sleep there, he’d have a sore neck in the morning that was for certain. She grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa and silently walked over to him. The fire was crackling in the hearth, immediately warming her up. She moved the book careful not to lose his page, before climbing into his lap in its place. She wrapped the blanket around them, bring her legs up and resting her head on his chest. One more month gone and she didn’t think she’d be able to manage that. She wasn’t the tallest or biggest of people. So her bump was still pretty small. But she loved it all the same.

Remus stirred slightly and made a small noise of confusion to wake up and find Dora on his lap. He opened his eyes fully, his eyelids heavy with sleep.

" Dora? "

" go back to sleep " she whispered and felt him give a small nod as his hand tentatively wrapped around her, like he was still unsure if he was allowed to touch her or not. She snuggled in a little closer to him as if to say it was okay and he fully wrapped around her, pulling the blanket up to her chin. It felt right to be in his arms like that again. They’d snuggled on the sofa the day before. But not as… intimate as this. It felt normal again. Like she belonged there.

" why did you- "

" I was just cold " she cut him off, ignoring the way his raspy sleep filled voice made her melt. She was trying to show that she was still just that little bit mad at him. But she couldn’t deny that she missed him. That yes she was still hurt, that she might always been. But nothing could compare to the amount that of love she had for him. Still. Even after all he’d done. No one would ever come close to the way she felt for Remus Lupin.

" right " She lifted her head for a moment to find he was already looking at her. And she couldn't help herself. Because time was precious now. And she was wasting it being angry all these months later. She slipped a hand up to cup his face before pulling him in to kiss her. He seemed a little surprised at first, his lips frozen for a moment before they opened to capture her own. But she didn't blame him because she was too. She hadn’t planned for that night to be that night she let go of the final part holding her back.

" this isn't me forgiving you " she said against his lips once they pulled apart. Half joking. Half not.

" I know " he seemed quite truthful with that. Like he understood her thinking. Maybe he did.

" good "

" good " she kissed him again and found herself shifting in his lap, slipping a leg either side of him. Because she was mad at him, she was really. But she loved him more. Missed him more. Needed him more. And soon she was unbuttoning his trousers and bunching up her sweatshirt- that was actually his- around her waist, rolling her hips against him until she was panting out his name, gripping the back of the armchair so hard she was surprised she didn’t splinter the wooden frame.

They stayed on the armchair even after Remus had cleaned them up, trying to keep the warmth of the fire in her body, trying to share Remus’ own body heat.

" Remus " she said when she was certain he was just dropping off, her head against his chest. Heading his heart beating felt like home. The familiar sound she had so often fallen asleep to. Comforting.

" I know. This isn't you forgiving me " he mumbled, hurt tinging his words.

" actually I was going to say that I love you "

" oh. Oh right... I love you too. You know I do " his arms tightened slightly around her and she let herself calm to the sound of his heart. She waited again until she felt him slackening with sleep to speak again, a slight mischief in her tone.

" oh and Remus? This isn't me forgiving you "