#last time im pretty sure the examiner chose to fail me

[gdinthehouseee]

my vape died and my driving test is tomorrow,, chat im stressing LOL???

[bdlhchn]

extracurricular; hrj

copyright © 2020, bdlhchn. all rights reserved.

genre: slight angst, fluff, tuition classmate!renjun, 1990s!renjun, student!renjun

w/c: 1445 words

synopsis: you’ve only seen him once, but you’re willing to not skip tuition just to see his pretty face.

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hating tuition was an understatement, you absolutely detested it. 

you didnt see a need to go for tuition, as you had the best grades you could ever achieve in your entire life. your mom thought otherwise, sending you to enrichment and tuition classes left and right ever since you were taught to read and write.

not to mention the stuffy and uncomfortable atmosphere that was always apparent in the tuition classroom, that never failed to bring a gag to your throat. the tutor droned on and on about topics you were already familiar with, even sidetracking to how he fell in love with his wife for the 30th time.

private tutors are expensive, you thought, that was probably why your mother sent you to a group tuition class. but this was too much, having a subpar tutor with top tier students? parents are really just wasting their money.

creaking plastic chairs and scratchy wooden tables really wasn’t worth the hefty $800 fee your mother had to bear every month per subject.

but maybe someone in your class was worth procrastinating for.

and that was none other than huang renjun, the chinese national that arrived and attended tuition for the same reason your mom sent you for; to be even better than now.

you and renjun arrived at the center around the same time, with the tutor gladly welcoming the both of you with open arms(because it contributes to his KPI). you soon go to realise that he really didnt care about any of the students in class, he really just needed the quick cash to fuel his wife’s obsession with hot pink iridescent birkins.

to be honest, renjun looked a little standoff-ish when you first saw him; jet black hair nicely crowned on the top of his head. round eyes, sharp nose and rosy lips, his features melded very well together, making him look effortlessly beautiful. he could easily make it as a teen actor, you mused, as he took a seat next to you, taking out his writing supplies and notes.

“im renjun,” the boy extends a hand towards you in perfect korean, “nice to meet you.”

“im y/n.” you shook his hand timidly, “nice to meet you, too.”

“i hope you don’t talk in class because i would like to concentrate,” renjun returns his attention to his notes, already scribbling the method to the equation on the blackboard.

you scoffed, did renjun not realise that he got scammed? the tutor that does nothing but rant about his everlasting love(that will soon evaporate the moment he’s retrenched)?

“concentrate,” you muttered to yourself, “sure, i wouldn’t want to be of any disturbance to you anyway. good luck trying to solve that equation, because he himself doesn’t know the method answer to it.”

renjun pauses momentarily, then looking at you, “then why are we here?”

“to raise his kpi,” you bit your lip, spinning your pencil, “if you haven’t noticed already. you’re kinda slow-witted for a star student, renjun.”

“i never said i was a star student,” renjun gritted his teeth, his pencil lead nearly snapping at the pressure he’s putting on the pencil. “you’re the one to say, y/n.”

“your method answer is correct,” you hummed, peeking at his notes, “and by the way, the question he just put out was in my examination paper last year. and i was the only one in the school that got it right.”

renjun stares at you incredulously, snatching your paper from your grasp, eyes not believing the big red 100 inked on your examination paper.

“suit yourself, renjun,” you sighed, taking out the gameboy from your bag, “you’re better off with a private tutor than this place.”

renjun slumped into the seat in defeat, arm going limp at how you just shot him and his hopes of rising up the ranks down just with a few simple sentences. no one has ever talked to him like that before, not even the valedictorian of his school.

turning back to the equation on the blackboard, renjun grumpily solves it without fail.

—

you never saw renjun in class the next lesson.

and the next.

and the following one.

you weren’t the type of person to poke your nose into others’ business, but there was just something about renjun that made you want to care. even though you have only met and conversed with him once.

you were worried that renjun was actually hurt by your words.

you tapped your pencil impatiently on your notebook, the eraser on the top of it rubbing off on the paper surface. students were strolling in one by one, but none of them was renjun. 

what was wrong with you? you seemed to lose total interest in the lesson when renjun isnt here, and that was the very first lesson. 

well, if you couldn’t listen, you might as well skip the class, right?

as the tutor began class, you discreetly packed your materials into your bag, pretending to pay attention to the usual droning of his monotonous voice.

“sir,” you feigned pain, “i think im not feeling too well, could you excuse me from this class?”

your tutor nodded absent-mindedly, “sure, hope you feel better soon, y/n. oh, also could you give a call to renjun? he hasn’t been in class for 3 weeks.”

you stared at your tutor quizzically, and he looked back with the same look, “what?”

“i don’t have his number, sir.”

“just get it from the front desk.” he waves you off hurriedly, “tell them i asked you to.”

you nodded and left the classroom, trudging to the front desk to get renjun’s number. the front desk employee gave you a slight teasing look, writing down renjun’s number on a piece of paper. you chose to ignore it, not letting it get to you.

walking out of the center, you had no idea where to go. you only planned the escape in your head, now what? you definitely did not foresee this part of your escapade that you would make it this far. 

walking past several drugstores, none of the makeup on display caught your fancy. you sighed, walking into the neighbouring comic bookstore and looking around. you have never actually been into the store, only walking past it on several occasions. you weren’t an avid comic fan either, but you have read some of the books before, to pass time. you took another quick scan around the store, a familiar face caught your eye.

renjun.

the said boy had his head immersed in a comic, backpack and homework long abandoned on the table, finding more interest and fun in the book in his hands. he occasionally broke into a small, inaudible laugh, then flipping to the next page. not wanting to disturb him, you quietly walked towards him, settling your things gently on the seat opposite him. renjun was so engrossed in the comic, not noticing your presence until he finished the comic.

“what the hell!” renjun exclaimed, earning some glares from the neighbouring tables, “what are you doing here?”

you eyed the stack of homework beside you, “to do work, duh.”

renjun could barely believe his ears, “aren’t you supposed to be at the center?”

“look,” you closed your textbook, staring at renjun dead in the eye, “why on earth would i listen to him ranting about how he nearly copped that pink croc birkin for the 10th time? i have much better things to do.”

renjun inched his face closer to yours, making your heart skip a beat, “doing homework at a comic bookstore, really? and how did you find me here?”

biting your lip, not knowing how to answer renjun with his face that close to you, you could count the individual eyelashes on his eyes, examining the curvature of his nosebridge to his lips—

“answer me.” renjun folded his arms, stare never leaving you.

“i was just n-next door,” you pushed his face with your pencil, earning a frown from him, “and i can’t concentrate without you in class.”

“you what?” the sides of renjun’s lips lifted, a look you really like, “can’t concentrate without me in class? do you have a crush on me or what?”

your breath hitched in your throat, no way you would have a crush on a boy you just met once. sounds too fairytale-esque even for you, a hopeless romantic who learns tips from romcom dramas.

“as if,” you scoffed, “you’re getting too delusional.”

renjun eyes you wistfully, smiling to himself. he knows exactly how you feel about him, and how he feels about you too. he shakes his head, taking out his worksheets to do. maybe not today, he thought, maybe next time.

[whstletomyheart]

Why YG TREASURE BOX is a complete mess and YG is playing with us. (A rant?)

First, its important to understand what or YGTB is and how it was promoted for this we should understand the events that happened before.

NOTE: YG will be referred to as a they since there are other people besides YHS Making the Decisions.

All of YG’s boy groups were made through survival shows.

BIGBANG=BIGBANG DOC

WINNER=WIN

IKON=WIN/M&M

So it was pretty obvious that they would reuse this concept for their new bg.

Now its safe to assume that the group was set to be made around Bang Yedam, he’s popular in Korea plus that he was the moat famous trainee .

Now this is the general assumption that the original silver boys lineup ot11 were the lineup set up to debut. This is the reason why they were promoted through Mixnine (GonSukKyu) and Stray Kidz (YG vs JYP). But we all know Mixnine failed and that some trainees left making YG To rethink their concept and lineup.

Now we must remember that prior to the show starting YG teased that Yedam, Hyunsuk and Raesung were basically confirmed members.

Raesung, due to personal reasons decided to not participate in the show (the best decisions honestly).

Currently YG as a company is at a point were every fandom in it has problems with the company. This is all due to the amount of mismanagement towards the majority if not all the groups and artists. YG despite being the house of great and unique artists doesn’t know how to mange them which leads to long hiatus, less music and cbs,etc.

Now lets analyze the problems with the shows format. Moat idol survival shows have the same format. Which is simply individual competition. This means that the contestants will be evaluated and the voting will be individual or 1 pick (produce 101).

YGTB showed the beginning to be more a team survival show in other words a group compete with other groups (Win). But around the second and third episode its revealed that the show will be individual, shifting the format. This is first seen strange since a consistent theme in YGs previous groups is their teamwork but this is because since predebut the trainees are grouped into groups.

In the show we are never truly explained about how the show works and if it is its vague and very contrictdactory. Plus a lot of unfair and frankly weird things are shown ( compared to other survival shows)

Examples of this are:

• Number of final lineup is always changing: from 7 to 9 to 7 to 6 to 5 to 7 it would change depending the mood od the ceo.

• YHS changes rules at whim: YHS changes or adds rules

• Missions: the missions to compete against the treasure team were barely explained. Winpink came to the show mostly just for name Dropping cause they didn’t show why they chose who they chose. The ep were winner 2seung was going to examine their performances was cut to almost nothing more than click Bait.

• The rounds or missions made little sense , at the beginning it 1:1 , then 2:2 (duo), then team genre(?)/concept (in my opinion they weren’t that different in my opinion to be a concept eval but oh well)and putting a position battle at the end ……makes little sense

In Produce and other shows its usually a cover, position, concept and then original song evaluation. Showing the growth.

• Lack of original ygtb songs most survival shows make their own songs fir the concept and final evaluations (example Mixnine). YG is company that prides on self production but not once was this used despite various trainee being able to ( Yedam, Hyunsuk, Byounggon, Asahi, Yoshinori, etc.) . Even if the boys couldn’t yg producers could’ve made songs just like in Mixnine.

• Lack of fan events besides liking a trainees video and channel there weren’t chances for the fans to feel really close to them. With the individual channels they could’ve done random lives but no. Or fanmeetings.

Despite this the show did release a series of interesting content that honestly saved the show.

• Not letting all the trainees participate in the treasure swap and cutting and not airing the performances certain trainees made. Leaving the fans to have to watch fancams.

Now to explain the real mess, throughout the whole show fans were confused on how they could help their faves in terms of voting. YG opens voting till the last 2 episodes and makes it a group voting meaning you have to vote for a group of trainees. According to fans this means that the lineup with most votes will have an advantage to debut. On the last ep its revealed that Isn’t case at all. The trainees only got extra points depending on how many ranks or lineups they were in. In other words again it was individual voting. They didn’t explain this till ep 10 when the voting’s was done. Along with this they added the final nail to the coffin. These online votes were only worth 20% of the final score. With onsite votes at a 30%. But YHS gets 50% of the score, so basically YHS gets to choose at the end od the day so fan votes mean close to nothing. If a trainee did well on votes but isn’t YGs fave they wont pass and vice versa.

On top of all of this YG makes sure fans aren’t in the recording of the ranking to obviously avoid discord and only announces half the lineup for what we can only assume is for drama. Only YG and some staff know the lineup. Instead of releasing it all its adding more anxiety and desperation . Which can be seen in the fighting, the rumors and spamming.

Now that we’ve established that YGTB is a mess of a show that makes Mixnine look good, lets talk about favoritism and screentime. And why I don’t understand YGs intentions and the lineup.

Ok let get this out of the way YG/YHS always plays favorites, this isn’t new at all. We can see in the show that there are trainees YHS likes way more compared to others. In other words he tends to be very biased. On top that he likes to brag. The first ep is basically look at all the visuals I got.

All it takes is to watch the show to know who Yg/YHS like more baaed on screentime and arcs made. Lets Look at the confirmed members most got solid screentime. Yedam is pushed from the get go to being a super star trainee that is basically god where other trainees don’t want to be against him. Junkyu is cute and talented a good future asset, we see how he gets screentime from the start with his confidence arc. Plus its important to note that in Mixnine YHS’s fave was Junkyu . Haruto from the start was the Japanese trainee YG was interested in and he Gets the most screentime from the Japanese trainees. Jeongwoo was promoted through his vocal and how yg likes him, he gets attention. Junghwan On the other hand gets way less screentime then the other member but still way more than other less known trainees.

That being said a lot of the team b, team c and team j trainees get very little to no screentime. Jongseob who won Kpop Star didn’t get much screentime and performance was cut. Mashiho’s screentime is mostly reactions or being a friend.

Silver boys got the most screentime overall they focused a lot on their teamwork and bond giving fans the hope that they would debut. Which is were im frankly confused and would love to understand the why.

Why make silver boys participate in this show and emphasize so much on them for basically nothing?

Why bring Jihoon back?

Why bring Seunghun back?

After hours and hours of thinking and reading opinions. I came to a few theories:

A) YG wants to debut a fresh, young and visual new bg. For whatever reason, so choosing the younger trainees makes sense. Probably modeled around Yedam for a more pop sound in comparison to WinKon Some accounts state that a lot of kfans were pushing yg for a younger and visual group. Basically discarding the older trainees. Also this lineup has YGs faves who were the younger ones. If this is true YG will debut Yoonbin and Masiho or Yoonbin and Jaehyuk (his screentime in the last episodes makes me think so). Basically in this theory YG had an idea from the get go and they only used the silver boys for clout. This is the theory that makes me the saddest tbh. But still it doesn’t explain why yg would care so much about silver boys. Like bringing them back and emphasizing so mucho on how they’re a team. Plus it discards the power Hyunsuk has with one of the most stable fandoms.

B) The theory before the lineup was dropped was that yg Is testing the silver boys for the last time which made sense till the last episode. But SB stans have been very loud and spammed his Instagram, trended a hashtag and are contacting companies. This means they have a strong fandom so this might help.

C) YG will add more members to the lineup I think 9 is more realistic than 11. Based on screentime maybe Hyunsuk + Seunghun.

D) YG will debut all of ot13, doubt this since YG hasn’t have that big of a group and I don’t think YG can handle it. If it was SM yeah but not this. (I like this one tho )

E) YG will debut ot13 but in 2 teams a pop team and hip-hop team. Pop=treasure7 Hip-hop=silver boys +a member (I love this)

F) YG will debut SB but under the black label.

G) YG wont do anything except debuting the og treasure7 . And the sbs will leave the company and split up.

These are all the theories I have.

Tldr: YGTB has a lot of flaws as a survival show being extremely unfair and the situation with the lineup is the most chaotic thing ever. Whatever yg does will make people mad.

The worst part is that it worked as always YG doing the minimal manages to pull us in just to disappoint us. Just that he managed to drag more people this time.

At this point I’m done with the guessing and the rumors, I just really want to know what’s going on and the security that my faves are ok even if they’re in or not in the group. Cause not debuting in the group isn’t the end they can debut with another group or go solo. My point is that it isnt the end for their careers.

[rarerealandmeanronnel-blog]

Subject: S E L F

If you are my friend,I hope you’ll understand me.I know I’m pretty shitty.My existence is a bullshit and the changes I’ve been through is a real fucking thing.Have you come to the point wherein you ask why I am these and that?Why I’m making things a big deal?hmm. Guess I know some who did but the hurting thing is,It doesn’t come from the persons I’m expecting they will.

Yes, I am sensitive.I noticed every single person’s doings as long as they are around me.I see the things they are doing and examine,scrutinize and whatsoever process I’m doing,Checking if they’re doing the same thing to me then evaluate and think of reasons why they aren’t.

Yes, I am an overthinker. I dont wanna get hurt.So I am over thinking things up to have lesser chances of pain.I think of the worst reasons and outcomes.The lesser I expect,the lesser pain I get. Yes, I am trying to be sweet and appreciative.I’m ‘TRYING’ because I’m not really a sweet asFck type of a person back then.I even hate clingy people like I find it OA.But I’m trying now.So I do hugging people.Even kissing in the cheeks and holding their arms whenever I want to.Without knowing someone finds it gross to the point they are staying away.I remember KC don’t want me to touch her bcoz my hands are wet and I’m unaware of it.Sorry KC 😫. I remember Deo,Hosea and Jimmy getting rid of me sometimes HAHAHA for it was just a joke.For Hosea,Sorry for doing it.Again it’s just a joke.Being clingy to you guys is just a mere joke.Deo! It’s a joke.To Jimmy,sorry for holding your hands and hugging you sometimes but it’s not a joke(seldom it is).I KNOW you dont like it that’s why you keep my arms out of your touch.I intent it as a joke but I know who would love to be touched by me anyway HAHAAHAHA. I’m gross.To the point someone don’t like to be my seatmate.

Yes,I am clamorous.I laugh at senseless things and create a noise out of it.I have interrupted many discussions.I remember when Jimmy is not taking his seat beside me the last time.But believe me.I’m trying not to.I dont know if I got mental or behavioral disorder.Huhu.I’M SORRY.Especially to Bica.

Yes,I’m somewhat an attention seeker. I really hate people who just talk to me bcoz they need something.I hate seeing my friends chose others over me.I hate being disregarded and I hate it when someone is not responding when I invite them for meal or snacks or to go to somewhere. I hate also seeing my friends enjoying to others not as much I do.When I’m troubled with someone.I have these looks that is intimidating and 'ultramad’.That’s why people whom I have troubled with stop approaching me.But honestly,In times like these, I just want to be cared and pursued to give my forgiveness.

Yes, I am do love making friends with people. It’s not being 'feeling close’ or wanting to be famous but I want friends.I really do.I often approach new people for them not to feel being alone and disregarded cause I know how it feels like.I hope I have accommodating acts hahahahah😭😭

Yes.I love posting personal issues on social media.I don’t know but I find comfort on it.So I say Sorry to Janry and Nestor because I let them feel it improper.Sorry Mayor that I have brought you to the point where you get tired of me.Sorry Merin if I let you feel that I am just chatting you whenever I and Eujay and Jimmy have misunderstandings. Don’t worry I will never do it again. Why Am I like these? Honestly,I dont know too.One thing is for sure,I am too complex to be understood.At some points I know why.I am not friendly when I was in high school.So I’m trying to be friendly now.I’m clamorous at school because I’m the opposite when I’m at hone.I’m lonely at home dear. I want attention cause that’s what my family and some of my friends in highschool deprived me of.I am trying to be sweet because they’re not showing me that.But later to find out many of my friends now dont like it.So sad. So sad also to think about my friends.I thought we’re friends but why are you not trusting me?I don’t know but I know I’m trustworthy 😭. Speaking of trust, I thank Phoebe and Jennifer for giving me that.

On the brighter side,I thank the goodest persons I’ve ever met.My section.Thank you for letting me feel I’m living a happy life.To Adia who never fail to ask me if I’m okay every time she saw my post and texts.To AREA 52 as a whole who always my companions when I’m being left. To ELITES,LATTE FAMILY,LUPONABO GIRLS,THE WORSHIPPERS,THE MAYMAN KA DAY FANCLUB And to the rest of you,You never know how much I appreciate you as my friends/family. To my BESH,I dont know what exactly to say but I’m thankful for the 'squad’ thing I felt with you.Don’t worry things will change for the better and It will be on your favor.I assure you that. I’ve done many first times with you guys and I’m happy about it. One thing I want you to know is that ,I hope if there’s someone who wants to be my friend.Please bear with me.Let’s start a friendship that’s worth it.

PS: Just be reminded that most of time,I look strong and stonehearted outside but inside of me im rotting. of all of my fears,the greatest one is to see what I’m over thinking about.