#last time i was really here was like... six years ago? in the rp community

[emeraldtimethief]

My god. Its been years since i last stepped on Tumblr and im attempting to Discover how this place works again, It feels like everything's changed xD

Im short i suddenly feel old, god.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #088

(taken december 14th last year; uploading surveys done while gone)

Can you read lips? NO. I am *HORRIBLE* at trying to read lips, like I absolutely can't.

Do you have trouble feeling excited for other people when they receive good news? Oh absolutely not, I definitely get excited too!

Do you know anyone whose parents are homosexual? I know I have a mom friend who is bi, but she's in a relationship with a man currently. I don't THINK I know anyone full-on gay that's a parent?

Do you consider yourself patriotic? In what ways? Hell no, this country grosses me the fuck out.

Are you part of any online communities? If so, which ones, and how did you get involved in them? I'm in a meerkat RP circle, I'm an admin at the SH wiki (which I have been awfully neglecting lol oops), and I'm active in my WoW main's guild.

Have you ever purchased clothing that you were too afraid to wear? HA yes, when I was still a teen-ish I had this honestly really cute black crop top that just says "FREAK" and I only wore it for a single picture, lol. It would never fit me now. I actually think I mighta got rid of it.

What is your lover's middle name? He doesn't have one.

When was the last time you saw your last ex? Well I saw a PICTURE of us on Facebook like a day or two ago, and fucking finally FB allowed me to delete them. I haven't seen her in person in years and never want to again, either.

Who was the last ex you talked to? Sara.

Who is your best friend? Pick only one. My boyfriend Girt.

Who was the last person to flirt with you, other than your lover? Some random dude on dA, he got blocked real quick lmao.

Would it bother you if your lover flirted with other people? Uh yes???

What exes do you still associate with? None.

What is a topic that interests you so much that you could read about it for hours? Meerkat behaviorisms.

Are there any holidays that you hate? If so, which and why do you dislike them? Columbus Day because that man didn't discover jack shit. Thanksgiving (its roots anyways, it's definitely evolved) because it's a literal celebration of genocide and slavery, etc.

Do you have a secret that you’ve kept for a long time – years, maybe your entire life? If so, why haven’t you told anyone about this secret? Yes, and I don't tell anybody because they affect nobody, are entirely benign, and just really don't matter.

What was the very first social media site you signed up for? MySpace.

If you were in a coma, who would be making healthcare decisions for you? My mom.

What’s something you’ve done that sounds too crazy to be true? The only thing that comes to mind is how many times I've been admitted to psych hospitals; like I lost count many visits ago. I would estimate I've been like, six times. I feel like people who know that would expect me to be crazier than I am.

Does anyone in your family smoke? My dad and his wife do.

What’s your opinion on hunting? Trophy hunting? Fucking barbaric, repulsive, diabolical, just evil. IF however you are hunting for food and have a respectful, appreciative mindset of the animal, then I'm more okay with it than I once was, because here's the thing: that deer you killed out in the beautiful woods, and probably rather quickly, ABSOLUTELY had a better life than that mistreated, miserable cow that was raised simply to be killed and probably given LESS than the bare necessities. I want to emphasize though, mindset is so important here; I wouldn't support you if you were tracking a deer seeking the "thrill" of just killing it. Like in that case, get fucking help. Be very respectful and extremely appreciative of that animal's unwilling sacrifice.

Have you ever had a pet escape and run away? Oh my god I will never forget Teddy doing this one winter night in the snow. I was going BALLISTIC as my dad ran and later drove after him. If I remember well, he ended up being at the pond not too far from our place, which he and Dale (another old dog of ours) had run to before to play. Thank god he was okay, at this time he just still had good energy and was very into marking his territory and smelling EVERYTHING. He also really, really enjoyed the snow, he used to love zooming through it and just playing.

Do any of your exes know each other? Jason and Juan knew and didn't like each other (at least, I was aware Juan openly didn't like Jason, I'm not really sure if Jason felt anything about him). Tyler MIGHT have known either of them, too, I don't know.

What’s an opinion you find impossible to take seriously? "Dinosaurs aren't real," especially when they add on, "Satan put those bones there to lead us away from God." You are PURELY fucking delusional.

Have you met that person that can get into your mind through a sentence? Yeah, Jason. Probably still to this day. He had so much goddamn power over my emotions without even intending it, and I feel like that hasn't fully gone away.

Have you heard of Jeffree Star? What do you think of him? Yes, I genuinely like him and who he's grown into and think his work ethic is fucking unreal.

Who do you think you have cried over the most? lol do I really need to answer this???????????

Do you hate celebrities with big boobs and have had plastic surgery? lol grow up?????? People can do whatever the fuck they want with their own bodies.

Is anybody in your family schizophrenic? If so, what is their life like? A half-sister is, but I've never met or spoken to her; I've seen literally a single picture of her in my entire life. I have no idea what her life is like. Sometimes it rears up to bother me more than usual, how Dad's only kids he interacts with at all are me and my immediate sisters... Even his other daughter Misty had to reach out to HIM when she and her children visited here to go out to dinner so he could actually meet them. Like, that shouldn't be his child's job. Misty is understandable bitter about how she grew up (her mother was absolute, total, 100% insane shit that couldn't even keep custody of her BECAUSE she was fucking mental, and Dad didn't take her), and I just wish she didn't have to be by Dad acting more like a dad to her. WOW welcome to the family therapy session y'all

What’s something somebody can do to make you hate them instantly? Say something inappropriate about a child came to mind first, but there's really a lot of other stuff, honestly. Just being a shitty, gross, violent, and/or forceful person.

Are there regular trains in and out of your town/city? Yes.

What was the last animal you saw, and was it a pet? Roman, right now, 'cuz he jumped up onto the desk to chill by me.

Have you ever watched an anime series, start to finish? Yeah, multiple.

Do you feel the need to rant about anything right now? If so, go for it. So my Tumblr account just RANDOMLY got terminated yesterday (I seriously mean it when I say I did absolutely, positively nothing whatsoever) and I'm rather annoyed by it. This has already happened to me once on my old account, and it took like around a week to get the damn thing back.

How many serious relationships have you been in? Three. Ish. I don't really know what to consider Sara's and my former relationship. Like I feel like we had genuine feelings and did some romantic things without much shyness or anything, but idk. Jason and Girt were/are SO much different from what she and I had.

Do you have a lot of regrets? Yes, and they fucking haunt me and refuse to let me go so I can maybe even mildly like myself.

Have you ever been so angry that you screamed out of nowhere? Yes. I know I've done this a couple times into a pillow, maybe other times without but idr.

Do you have any plans for Valentine’s Day this year? NEXT year I know I want to do at least a LITTLE something. Girt had Covid this year so we couldn't hang out that day and it super bummed me out, really.

What do you usually buy for snacks when you go to the cinema? Almost always popcorn, rarely some sort of candy.

Look to your left and name five things you can see. Presents for Ash's kids from Mom, the closet, the stand with the printer on it, paper shredder, and a cute piece of random artwork on the wall from who knows where.

Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? bro get outta my bedroom

Who is your favourite YouTuber? Overall? It'll probably always be Markiplier, he's my idol, but I really haven't watched him anywhere near regularly in like... two years? His content just generally isn't my style anymore, but I still love him as a person to death. You know, I'm really not too sure WHO my active favorite is anymore. Maybe John Wolfe or Game Grumps, I really don't know.

Have you ever been hopelessly in love with a celebrity? Nah. I have my fangirl episodes, but "hopefully in love" has never been the right phrase at all. I know none of these people personally and therefore can't even truly LOVE them and have always known that absolutely nothing is ever going to happen between me and any random person on the Internet. I can just melt from afar lmao.

What was the last band shirt you wore? I'm quite sure it was Ninja Sex Party. Thankfully it doesn't say the name of the band on the shirt lmfao I wouldn't want to explain that ever.

How many pairs of glasses (not sunglasses) have you owned? I know at least three.

What color is your flash-drive? Hot pink.

What is your favorite color(s) of eye-makeup? B L A C K

Have you ever worn a thumb ring? Yes; that's where I put mine and Sara's friendship ring. Safe to say I don't have it anymore.

What brand of TV do you own? Uh I'm pretty positive it's a Vizio?

Are high school football games fun? Ugh, no. I used to have to go to them quite a bit when my older sister was a cheerleader. There were always wasps and shit around/under the bleachers, it was hot, too crowded, and I just had absolutely no interest in sports. They were also way too long to me. I know a lot of the time Nicole and I didn't even watch, we'd just go find something weird to do that generally involved getting dirty, meeting with other kids that were as bored as us, and going under the bleachers when we weren't supposed to lmao.

When was the last time you had a particularly hectic day? Oh hell if I know.

To whom do you feel the most important? Mom and Girt.

How long has your favorite song been your favorite? Since it came out early this year lmao.

Is one of your favorite colors yellow? No, I actually really don't like yellow.

How old are your siblings? Tbh I only have my two immediate sisters' ages memorized, which are 29 and 24. Others are in their 30s. Katie might even be close to 40, idr and can't math.

Ever had a fishtank in your room? No.

Do you drink more soda than anything else? Not anymore! It's generally flavored sparkling water.

Do you know anyone who wears camouflage often? my brother in christ I live in the SOUTH

How many jobs have you had? Three.

Do you hate your last ex? I VERY much don't like her, at all, but I'm past my "ugh I hate her" phase. I ain't wasting my energy on hating someone I never have to see or speak to ever again.

Are you ashamed of any of your family members? My uncle who my family no longer associates with. He's a fucking filthy slug of a human being.

Have you ever been in a courtroom? Yes.

Were you a chubby child? No, I was pretty normal.

Are you afraid to sing in front of people? Yes. To get you to visualize the sheer extent, in the over three and a half years Jason and I dated, he heard me sing ONCE, at church.

When did you last dance with someone? Uh with Sara a few years ago.

Do you feel awkward watching sex scenes? Yes, but not AS bad as when I was like, a teenager. I still do feel exceptionally uncomfortable if it's with my mom present, though.

Did you ever have senior photos done? No. I wanted to, we just... didn't, I don't remember why.

Do you attend church regularly? You literally could not even PAY me to go to church, never mind regularly. It's complete fucking brainwashing and greatly diminishes genuine, confident self-worth. I don't consider myself a Satanist, but even I can still say hail thyself, hunty.

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? lol absolutely not.

Are you currently listening to music? Yeah, "Modern Love" by Mother Mother just started.

The person who last spoke to you in person, what is their name? Donna, but Mom to me.

The person who last texted you, tell me their name? Still Donna, lol.

What was your favorite class to take in school? Art courses and German.

Have you ever had a pixie cut? No, but I'd like one one day... Both my mom and hairdresser have told me I would look amazing with one now, which I really appreciated, but I just can't convince myself. I know it's a stereotype that fat people usually can't pull off short hair, and trust me it was ballsy enough for me to get it as short as it is now, I'd just be so obsessively paranoid that people would think I'm uglier with a pixie cut.

Is your signature legible? I think so, yeah.

If the person you like/love proposed to you right now, you would say? I know I'd say yes even though I know it's unwise to do so this early. Thankfully I'm pretty damn sure just given Girt's intelligence and dedication and strong pragmatism, he knows way better than to do that anytime soon.

Are you satisfied with your current camera? I sure am, and I'm actually pretty excited, I know Mom is ordering a pack of lenses (polarizing, ND, and UV) for it for Christmas!

When was the last time you felt ignored? Um idk. Probably during some family dinner at my sister's, I know I've been totally talked over adn brushed off more than once.

Is smoking an immediate turnoff to you? I won't ever attracted to a smoking man til I saw Richard Kruspe bro 😭 lol but generally yes, celebs don't count, right?

If given the opportunity, would you legally change your name? Nah, too used to this one and plus I like it.

Has religion ever come between you and a friend or family member? Yep.

Has anyone ever told you that you were worthless? Well, in fucking essence, Sara has.

If you jumped out the nearest window, would you live? Yes, very easily.

Is there an animal that scares you? I have a very intense irrational fear of larva, like maggots and stuff. Cicadas also notably freak me out, I can't handle their eyes. Whale sharks are another irrational fear, their mouths creep me out. Australian spiders like their funnel-web are freaky too.

When you get blood tests, do you feel faint afterwards? No.

Do you think you will have a date for prom? Whoa now buddy you are WAY late, lol. I went to Jason's senior prom and he went to mine.

Are you afraid of being cheated on? Not really, at least not with Girt. I hope this doesn't sound all arrogant or full of myself, but just factually, this guy wanted me way too long for me to even really WONDER if he'd cheat on me. He's directly told me he wanted to date in high school, but he didn't do anything because he was concerned what people would think of the age gap. Then Jason came along and he respected that.

Do you know how to play poker? It's actually funny, I did as a KID but don't now, hahaha. I really enjoyed it as a child, just obviously without monetary gambling.

Is your face shape oval, heart shaped or square? I genuinely don't know.

When was the last time someone asked you to go somewhere? When Girt invited me to his place Friday for his sister's birthday.

Do you have small wrists? Yeah; even with my size, my wrists are definitely noticeably small. Like I can slip those security bracelets off at the psych hospital (lmfao what a talent) or like the skating rink to show you paid.

Are you someone’s best friend? Girt always calls me his. <3

What’s the biggest annoyance in your life right now? The state of my legs, really. I'm gonna get on fixing this shit, I've had enough. It stops me from SO much.

Do you know anyone that smokes weed? I know one major pothead irl as well as one online; I'm certain others do it, but being a pothead is like, literally a major part of these two girls' personalities.

How many times have you kissed the last person you kissed? A hell of a lot.

Thinking back to the person you fell hardest for, do you still feel that way? Nope.

If you’re a girl, what’s your bra size? Funny thing, I actually don't know. I know I'm naturally a C-something, but being my weight, I'm not at all convinced that's accurate right now. This is gonna sound wild, but I haven't had a properly-fitting bra in literal years; I just wear some that were Mom's that somewhat fit, but absolutely not properly, but enough to where it's not incredibly obvious with clothes on. I'm pretty sure I need something custom because if the cup fits, the back doesn't, and if the back fits, the fucking cup doesn't. It's extremely annoying, but bras are not cheap, especially when you're not a standard size.

Ever known anyone who did business with a prostitute? I have zero idea.

If your parents are divorced, how old are your step parents? Kim is a couple years younger than Dad, so mid/late 50s.

Do you like your step parents, or are they assholes? She's an intolerant bigot/obnoxious Christian, but she has good traits, too.

[TW: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE/ABUSE] Ever had an abusive parent or other family member? No, thankfully.

Ever walked in on your parents while they were getting busy? If so, how many times and how old were you? No; I find it SO hard to accept that my parents ever did have sex lmao, they were SO incompatible and just never got along, it seemed like growing up.

If you were to get pregnant as a teen, what would happen? Well, I woulda kept it, because at the time I was pro-life. Thank fuck this never happened.

Do you prefer broccoli or asparagus? Broccoli, I absolutely hate asparagus.

What was the last flattering thing someone did/said to/for you? Uhhhhhh let's see probably something Girt said, he honestly says stuff like that a lot. ;__; <3

Do you know anybody that believes that magic/witchery truly exists? Yep, my sister Misty to name just one.

Roughly how hot are the summer temperatures where you reside? Usually 90s, sometimes low 100s. I absolutely hate it.

[ofchrysoprase]

park jimin, gay, male + he/him ― hey look, it’s kim eun jae! he’s twenty-six years old, he’s lived in shrike heights for sixteen years, and he’s currently working at flour power bakery. i heard he’s pretty naive, but i think he’s so caring at the same time. can he make it out alive? || laura, twenty-nine, she/her.

hey everyone! i'm laura and i'm super hyped to be here! just as a small disclaimer, i have been away from the rp community for about 2 years -- i previously have been an avid writer/roleplayer since i was like... fifteen. if there's any old timers like me, i used to be super active in the glee rps that used to be around back in like 2010-ish, then did a bunch of harry potter au stuff and overall tons of different city & fantasy groups. i got burnt out for a while due to some drama that went on in the last few rps i was in and i took a break from tumblr, while maintaining my muses on a discord server with my friends.

i've been writing jae for approximately.. 5 years now? he's one of my very rare extroverted muses and i absolutely adore throwing him into new places where he can get to meet new people. he needs a lot of attention and is one of those extroverts that withers away if he isn't surrounded by other people for too long.

him working at a bakery just fits one of my many headcanons that he loves to cook and bake for people - his main way of showing affection is to either buy someone something or bake them a bunch of cookies. his parents are well off, so he doesn't really need the job, but he enjoys getting to ramble away to customers, using his charm to sell just a little bit more than just what they came for (or less if this charm is not appreciated)

help this is long okay um in short - jae is a sinnamon roll, very soft, very sweet, very pink, very gay and very closeted. he has a dog that he treats like its his baby, exists entirely in oversized sweaters and hoodies and will probably drive people mad because he's a little dumb. his parents didn't plan to have him so they never paid much attention to him ever since he was born and this now shows in his desperate need for said attention from any person who will give it to him. he grew up in seoul but moved to the us when he was 10 years old, struggled with the language but managed to adapt fairly quickly.

i don't want to give away too much because i like breadcrumbs hhhh but he has a low self esteem and needs a lot of praise. a LOT. so yeah. i have a bunch of old blogs because i've had this kid for so long, the main ones being here and here (the latter being the oldest one), if anyone wants to waste their time reading threads from years ago just because i'm lazy today fghjk. anyway i'm excited to be here aaahhh

oh also i will get his stats page up asap but i gotta run now so i'll do that later after i reply to some starters and stuff.

[lightns881]

DTeam Tumblr Demographics Survey Results (Part 2):

What does DTeamblr look like, what does it have to do with MCYT history, and why does it look like a rainbow?

I’ll make an educated guess here and say y'all enjoyed my last post (totally unrelated to the way I gained almost 50 followers overnight). Anyhow, thank you so much for the overwhelming support! I’m so glad a lot of you felt you could relate to my deep-dive into the leading personality type on DTeam Tumblr. It took me so many hours to write and research, and as a math major and honors student, it’s no easy feat, so I’m so grateful for the attention it got!

Today we’re discussing the general demographics of DTeam Tumblr and why they might look the way they do. Number 8 will blow your mind! So make sure to keep reading and hit that little grey heart and arrow at the bottom if you like it, so more people get to see it! Thanks for your support! Now, let’s jump straight into the post!

Your Daily Dose of Data

From the 449 responses we received, these are some pie charts displaying the gender, age, and sexuality of all respondents.

Image Description: Female (52.8%), Non-Binary (37.4%), Male (9.8%)

Image Description: 16-17 (37%), 13-15 (31.4%), 18 and over (29.4%), 12 and under (2.2%)

Image Description: Bisexual/Pansexual (54.1%), Homosexual (16%), Asexual (14.7%), Other (7.8%), Heterosexual (7.3%)

Mmhm, delicious! Y'all ready to dig into these stats? Because I don’t know about you, but they certainly don’t strike me as what the general population looks like!

Welcome to Tumblr, the Only Community Where Straight Men are the Minority

So these statistics certainly didn’t take me by surprise. Mostly because the DNF Shipper Survey I took some time ago revealed a similar trend. Not to mention, Tumblr is probably the QUEEREST internet community on the planet. 

Funny enough, the survey revealed a shocking number of ZERO heterosexual males respondents. I’ll say it louder for the people in the back. ZERO straight males were recorded out of 449 respondents for this survey!

Now, this isn’t surprising for the Tumblr community by itself, but I can say I’m somewhat surprised in terms of the MCYT Tumblr community. (Obviously, the survey specified DTeam Tumblr, but there is a big overlap between both communities, so I will be using them interchengably when it seems relevant.)

Let’s break this down. The survey reveals the largest age population is 16-17, though it’s not by a great margin in comparison to 13-15 and 18 and older, which doesn’t surprise me either. Some of the major critics of the DTeam Fandom and other MCYT Fandoms love to claim the fanbase’s majority age range lies with children and pre-teens. While it’s an undeniable fact children are drawn to Minecraft, it’s also a misconception to paint it as solely a community for younger viewers.

In the MCYT Tumblr and DTeam Tumblr communities, specifically, we see this is not the case. Only 1/3 of the respondents of this survey are under the age of 16 (you could attribute part of it to the fact younger people might be less inclined to participate in this survey, but it is still a notable difference). I can’t say these age ranges are similar in other parts of the community like DTeam Twitter, Tik Tok, or Reddit, but if I had to make a guess, I’d say Tumblr lies toward the older of the bunch, with Reddit being the oldest and Tik Tok being the youngest (I do hope to perform this survey on some of the other communities, so please stay until the end if you want to help with that).

One of the likely explanations to why the ages for DTeam Tumblr look this way is the fact a big chunk of the community has likely been watching MCYT for a long time (even with breaks in between). I, myself, used to watch channels like PopularMMOs, Aphmau, and PrestonPlayz as a kid, and I presume many of you are familiar with them as well. With the resurgence of MCYT in the past year, it likely drew a lot of the older viewers in addition to the new ones.

But enough about age. What I really want to highlight on this post is the attraction of queer individuals to DTeam Tumblr and MCYT as a whole.

Why is the current MCYT Fandom so queer in comparison to the previous generations?

This is a huge open-ended question and considering I can only capture so much of the DTeam and MCYT community, the rest of this post should be taken solely as a theoretical analysis as opposed to fact.

With that out of the way, let’s start by discussing the shift MCYT has undergone over the years (I promise this will circle back to the question of queerness in the MCYT fandom, but we need some background before we can come up with a decent theory).

When Minecraft was first released, it proved to be a monumental change in the gaming industry. This simple little indie game took the world by storm. It was so vastly different from what the general population generally viewed gaming as (first-person shooters, story-driven games, action games, etc.) Not to mention, it didn’t exactly solely appeal to only a small margin of gamers, those being white cis males.

The gaming industry has notoriously been known in the past for its heteronormative community and general prejudice toward minorities. Though it has gone through a significant change over the decades, we certainly can’t say it’s fully gone.

Yet for whatever reason, the recent MCYT has taken the interest of so many queer people in comparison to other gaming YouTube communities. Why? Why are queer people so drawn to this community? And, more precisely, why does it feel so different than the old MCYT? Lastly, how does this relate to the conclusion about the leading personalities of this fandom we made in the last post?

The Niche Communities of MCYT Over the Years

MCYT has always been a huge, over-saturated genre of YouTube with content appealing to a variety of audiences. It’s dominated gaming content for years, and I think we can all safely say it’s never been bigger than it is today.

So why is it that just now it feels like the queerness of the fandom is popping off? Why now as opposed to say five years ago when MCYT was at another one of it’s strongest stages?

It seems like the community has made a tremendous shift in relation to breaking gender norms and LGBTQ+ subjects, not only in the fans but within the creators themselves. Was flirting and calling a pretty-boy streamer pet names as normal in the past as it is today? Were straight gamer guys putting on dresses and a full-face of make-up as supported back then? Were “marriages” and “pregnancies” within Minecraft boys an everyday occurrence like they are now? How is it that MCYT has dominated a Twitch dating show where flirting with the gay host and among straight contestants themselves is just another bit of entertainment? Where is this all coming from?

Recently, I watched a 2 hour documentary depicting all of the stages of Minecraft YouTube and how it has changed over the years. If you haven’t seen it and you have some time to spare, I HIGHLY recommend it! It’s very informative, and it honestly gave me such a strong sense of nostalgia that makes me choke up every time I think about it. I’ll link it below.

The documentary does a great job at exploring the different niche communities that dominated MCYT since it first took off. Some of such communities include the basic Let’s Players, the team-based Let’s Play channels like How2Minecraft, the roleplay story-centric ones like Aphmau and Samgladiator, the tutorial, building and technical side like Mumbo and Grian, the PVP-centric Bedwars or Hypixel channels, the Machinima community, the comedy side like ExplosiveTNT, the parody music videos, and so many more. All of the mentioned communities have dominated Minecraft at one point or another, many of them still having a rippling effect and/or a loyal community today. All of these communities have certain aspects that define them, some of which parallel the current overtaking content in the present.

How can we compare MyStreet to the Dream SMP?

Taking Aphmau as an example, her MyStreet series had a TREMENDOUS success a few years ago, racking in millions of views and bringing in a lot of money that eventually allowed her to hire voice actors and increase the production of mentioned episodes. The roleplay series was so successful it ran for six seasons!

Now, let’s compare that to the Dream SMP. It seems like a big comparison to be making considering they appear so different at first glance. For once, Aphmau is just one channel whose audience caters toward girls and younger people who enjoy romance. The series is set-up in an episodic-format that resembles more of a TV series than actual Minecraft videos.

Meanwhile, the Dream SMP is a collection of content creators with a mix of improvised storylines and the occasional regular video that resembles more of a Let’s Play series than a RP series.

You could say the only true comparisons to draw out of these two are the popularity they had/have and the profit they brought to their respective creators. 

However, there’s two other key similarities that you’ll find not only within these two specific examples, but many other channels and communities as well. Story and characters.

MyStreet’s story aspect is fairly obvious seeing as it’s a episodic series that focuses on a fictional story. The Dream SMP’s story aspect isn’t as clear, but it’s evident there is a story playing out in the foreground and background, whether intentional or unintentional, or improvised or not.

Character is where some of you might start to question me. It’s obvious MyStreet has characters. I mean, it is a fictional story, after all. But the Dream SMP? Light, they’re obviously people!

Well, my answer to that is yes and no--sort of. The Dream SMP’s story heavily relies on roleplay, bits as you might call them. Events that aren’t necessarily planned out as a fictional plot like the typical MyStreet episode is, but they aren’t exactly real. Schlatt is obviously not a villain in real life, he just likes to impersonate as one for the narrative. Wilbur isn’t crazy, but it’s a way to spice up the heroic story surrounding Tommy and him.

It’s video-game improv. Except the actors behind the content just so happen to be real people playing off the personalities and “brands” they have obtained. 

Brands. It all boils down to this. In the entertainment business, without a clear vision of your project and a clear way to brand what your consumer intakes, your project will likely not find a lot of success.

There’s a reason why Tommy plays off his loudness, using an overexaggerated laugh that although may not be completely fake, it is likely not the laugh he uses everyday. Or why BadBoyHalo is this supposed innocent muffin who doesn’t understand the crafting table meme and other references that are fairly easy to google and find the meaning of. Or why Sapnap is this chaotic being who loves starting pet wars and we love to paint as an arsonist in the Dream SMP. While all of these personality traits may be a part of their true selves, they’re played up for the camera--for the story. They act as the personas that define their characters in the narrative.

They have a clear brand and vision that appeals to the audience and makes them tune in on the daily to see how they all come together. It’s like roleplaying a more extreme version of yourself, one that brings home the money.

Story and characters run across every entertainment outlet. They define their brand. Aphmau has her characters and series. Hermitcraft has a set of memorable personalities and episodic videos that formulate its own story that is less like a narrative and more of a history of the server. ExplodingTNT has his recurring cast and comedic sketches. Most of these niche communities have a form of story and character defining them. It’s how they achieve a clear sense of branding and cater to a specific audience.

Queer Theory in MCYT

Having said all that, why does the MCYT of today draw in so many queer viewers?

Let’s think about this. In my last post, I ended by mentioning DTeam Tumblr is a sort of safe haven for INFP and INxx types who might be placed in the “other” category by society. INFPs, specially, are predisposed for escapism--one common form of it being fiction and entertainment. Not to mention, INFPs are feeling types who, as introverts, seek a personable connection. It’s why it’s so easy for them to obsess over book characters or fall in love with content creators.

Now, let’s imagine a whole community of LGBTQ+ INFP and INxx types. Actually, scratch that, we don’t even have to imagine it.

It’s what our community looks like today.

And why are so many so drawn to the DTeam and Dream SMP of all things? It’s a personable storyline that essentially forms a direct tie to the viewer. Unlike pre-recorded fictional TV series you tune into on your device, the Dream SMP is a whole load of chaos that blurs the lines between reality and fiction where fans can directly connect to creators and get to know them as people through a storyline that features sub-textual queer themes and non-conforming behaviors.

The MCYT content creator community of today is more non-conforming than ever before, and knowing this whole fact, knowing that many of them might place themselves in the “other” category or at the very least aren’t afraid to break the norms and be seen in that light, is a comfort in itself for LGBTQ+ INFP types. Once again, it’s a safe space that helps you escape from the troubles of real life, one you relate to.

Okay. So although this does answer why the fans look like they do, what about the creators themselves? Are we really supposed to believe this all came through naturally? That a bunch of straight guys suddenly decided wearing dresses was something they wanted to do?

I don’t mean to sound cynical here, and I’m in no way trying to insinuate creators have solely some sort of corrupt ulterior motive. Things are never as simple as they look. However, the truth is, a part of it lies on the attention it’s gotten.

I’ve talked a lot about DreamNotFound and the way Dream uses it as a marketing ploy. I stand by my point. However, he’s not the only one who does this in the MCYT community. Why did Finn suddenly go from wearing a dress to cross-dressing as a girl for a whole week? Why are so many creators suddenly deciding wearing dresses is fun? Why does every freaking straight MCYT actively want to flirt with George nowadays?

Let’s just let Techno’s favorite word answer this for us: clout.

It gets attention from one of the largest historically underserved minority community in the entertainment business. We might not be able to see gay flirting in every Netflix TV show or guys not minding dresses and getting fake marriages, but you are certainly going to get at least one of those in every Dream SMP stream and video you tune into. It gets attention. It brings home the money. And do I blame them? Not really.

Interestingly enough, there’s a lot of analytical posts on the MCYT Tumblr community that discuss the dangers of these tactics and why gay jokes and the way queer subtext is treated by MCYT creators is harmful. Despite this, it still attracts such a huge community of queers. So why exactly would queer people actively watch something that’s offensive or harmful to us?

I have a lot more to say about this topic and the morality behind Dream’s tactics, but I’m out of breath for today, so I’ll talk about it in my next post. What better way to start the conversation about the DNF and Karlnap questions of the survey than a good ol’ discussion on the morality of queerbaiting and the likes?

If you got this far, I’d appreciate it if you liked and reblogged this post if you enjoyed it and/or learned something new! Also, important news, I would really like to perform a similar study on the DTeam Twitter Community to measure the differences in demographics across platforms. I would REALLY appreciate it if you guys could go like, retweet and share the link I posted on my Twitter about it (tweet will be linked in the reblog below) so it reaches more of the DTeam Twitter community!

However, if you filled out the survey yourself here or you associate more with DTeam Tumblr than DTeam Twitter please DO NOT fill out the survey again! I’m trying to make sure it reaches the audience that mains on Twitter, but I need a little help with that since I don’t have as big of an influence on Twitter than on here for obvious reasons.

Anyhow, thank you so much for all your support! I really appreciate y’all and make sure to hit the follow if you want to lookout for the next demographics post! <3

(Pssst, I’m releasing a MCYT DNF superpower AU longfic next month... You should totally go check out the post on that if you’re interested in it...)

[dindjarin-mandalorian]

A Soft Place to Land (The Mandalorian - Din Djarin x OC) - Chapter Six

Author’s Note: I’m not going to link to my Masterlist or AO3 in this post because I don’t think Tumblr likes links, but you can find both linked at the top of my blog on desktop, or in the pinned post on mobile/desktop. :)

Note:  This is the backstory of an OC I created for a failed RP, and that backstory turned into a whole fic for The Mandalorian and my OC, Lira. It begins several years before the events of Season One of The Mandalorian take place, but will eventually line up with the show. At this point in the story, Din and Lira have known each other for several years. 

Summary:  Lira is an intel-gatherer for Greef Karga, working to get information on the quarries he sends his bounty hunters after, but her life slowly starts to change after she meets one bounty hunter in particular.

Warnings: None in this chapter.

Tagged List: I just realized a couple of days ago that I haven’t mentioned my tagged list yet, but if you’d like to be tagged when I post new chapters of this fic (or anything I write), just let me know! You can comment here or sent a message. I’m always happy to tag!

-

A few days after Lira’s near-death experience with the sand, she and Din made their way to the Razor Crest after he’d met with Greef Karga and picked up Lira’s bounty puck. Once they were on the ship and settled into their seats, Din reached over and picked up a small box, which he handed to her.

“What’s this?” She opened the box to reveal a new communicator. It wasn’t top-of-the-line, but it was far better than the one she’d had before. “Is this for me?”

“Yes.”

“You bought a communicator for me?”

Din continued to busy himself by flipping switches and pressing buttons as he started up the ship. “Yes.”

“Why would you do that?”

“So the next time you get stuck in quicksand, you can call someone for help.”

“The next - there will be no next time for me and quicksand, my dear Mandalorian. I am swearing off sand forever.”

“Probably not a bad idea.”

She shook her head and closed the box again. “I can’t accept this.”

“Why not?”

“I would feel weird about it.”

“Why?”

She rolled her eyes. “I just would. It’s too much.”

Din finally turned to face her. “It’s not too much. You need a new one now that yours is full of sand, and you have to admit that your old one was about to give up the ghost anyway. Your power cells lasted about twenty minutes before dying completely. If you’re going to keep going off on your own tracking these quarries for Karga, you need a reliable way to call for help if you need it.”

Lira was momentarily stunned by the sheer length of Din’s speech, but it didn’t last long. “I can buy my own communicator later, it’ll just take me a little while to save up the credits.”

“I know you can, but you need one now. It’s not a big deal, Lira. Just take it.”

She sighed as she looked at his helmet’s visor, wishing for the hundredth time that she could see his eyes. “It is a big deal. But thank you.”

“You’re welcome.”

He turned back to his console and flipped a few more switches, and she placed a hand on his arm. “No, really, thank you.”

He met her gaze and nodded, then faced the front as she opened the communicator’s box again.

“Are you sure this wasn’t too expensive?”

“I’m sure.”

“It’s so fancy!”

“It’s just a basic one.”

“But still! It’s so much better than my old one.”

“I’m glad you like it.”

“I love it. Ooooh, it can store contact information so I can call you without even pressing a button! Watch!” She stored Din’s communicator info into her device, then cleared her throat and said, “Call Mando.”

Din’s communicator beeped and Lira’s hologram popped up.

“Okay, that’s amazing,” Lira said, beaming. “It can store up to ten contacts. Nice.”

“Who else are you going to store in it?”

Lira shrugged. “I don’t know. I don’t really have anyone else to call.”

Din turned his head enough to watch her as she flipped through a few pages of the user guide. “Yeah, I don’t, either.”

She glanced up and gave him a small smile. “Well, you can call me anytime.”

“Thanks.”

She turned back to the user guide, the small smile still on her face. “Ooooh, it says the power cell can last for two days, Din! Two days!”

Din laughed. “I told you that your old one was on its deathbed. Twenty minutes of power cell is a crime against technology. You should have put it out of its misery long before it ever came into contact with the quicksand.”

“Excuse me, some of us are loyal to our communicators. And anyway, we don’t all have thousands of credits to drop on fancy new tech.”

“It’s not fancy new tech, Lira, and it didn’t cost thousands of credits. It’s literally one of the most basic ones you can buy. Yours belonged in a museum.”

“It does deserve to be in a museum. It’s served me well for years, power cell notwithstanding. It’s not its fault that it couldn’t handle a little sand.”

Din shook his head, and huffed another laugh. “That one probably can’t handle sand, either, so be careful with it.”

“Oh, I will! Don’t worry!” She brushed off a tiny speck of dust. “I’m going to keep this one looking perfect.” She turned and beamed at him. “We should call each other every day. Keep our communicators in good working order.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“They don’t need to be used to be kept in working order.”

“But it would be fun to use it!”

“So use it. I’m sure you can find someone else to call.”

“You mean you wouldn’t even answer if I called to chat one night?” Din stared at her without replying. “What if it’s an emergency, Din?”

“You can call if it’s an emergency.”

“But how will you know whether it’s an emergency or me just calling to talk about my day if you don’t answer?”

“If you’re calling, it better be an emergency.”

She laughed. “Fine, Mr. I-Hate-Talking.”

Din may have told her he wouldn’t answer, but he knew he was lying. If Lira called him, he would answer, no matter what time of day it was, and no matter what she wanted to talk about. He might not want to admit it to her - he could barely admit it to himself - but he would gladly listen to her talk about her day, every single day, if she wanted to call to discuss it. 

He knew things were different with her than they were with anyone else he knew. For one thing, he would never even consider casually talking to anyone else on his communicator. For another, he couldn’t imagine buying a new communicator for anyone other than Lira. He’d felt he had no choice but to buy her a new one, however, for his own peace of mind, if nothing else. The thought of her being in danger without a way to call for help a second time was something he didn’t want to even have to consider.

He didn’t want to think about the implications of that, although he knew he probably should. He told himself it was because she was his friend, but he knew it was more than that. He also knew how he felt didn’t matter. Nothing could happen between them, he told himself. How could it? He was a Mandalorian, and she deserved better than a man who would never take his helmet off in front of her, whose very way of life was dangerous.

He knew there were ways around the helmet issue, but he didn’t think Lira would ever consider that solution, and he couldn’t blame her. If she ever decided to get married and settle down, he didn’t think she’d choose to settle down on the Razor Crest.

His thoughts were interrupted by Lira pointing out another feature of her new communicator. He was grateful for the helmet, once again, because the last thing he wanted was for Lira to be able to read his thoughts on his face.

When they arrived at their destination and Din pulled out the tracking fob, Lira gently placed the communicator in her pocket.

“I should get a fancy case for it. For protection.”

“That’s a good idea. Get one that’s sand proof.”

“You are never going to let the sand thing go, are you?”

“No.”

Lira grinned at the smile in his voice.

 Six years later…

 Lira met Din at the ramp to the Razor Crest. “Ready to go?”

“Not yet. I need to pick up some more ammo before we leave.”

“That’s fine, we have time.”

They walked to a local shop together, the bells above the door tinkling when Din opened the door, allowing Lira to walk past him.

The merchant greeted them with a nod. “Morning, Mando. Lira.”

Lira waved. “Good morning, Melrand.”

“Oh, Mando! I’m glad you’re here. I got a new shipment in today of various blaster bolts, if you want your weekly supply?”

Lira shot Din a questioning look, but didn’t say anything. She’d wait until they were outside.

“I don’t need any today, Melrand,” Din said.

If Lira didn’t know any better, she would have said Din’s modulated voice sounded suspiciously guilty.

Melrand looked surprised. “Oh! Well, no problem. I’ll set them aside for you until you need them.”

Mando picked up the ammo he needed and carried it to the counter to pay, Lira leaning on the counter next to him.

“Is this everything for today, then?” Melrand asked.

“Yes.”

They finished the transaction and Melrand bade them goodbye.

Once they were outside and the door closed behind them, Lira gave Din a small shove with her elbow. 

“A weekly supply of blaster bolts? I thought you said you just always happened to find extra in your massive weapons closet!”

Din continued to walk in silence.

“Have you been buying the ammo you give me?” 

He sighed. “Yes.”

“Why?”

“I knew you wouldn’t accept the shooting lessons without paying me, but I didn’t want to take your credits, so I used it to buy ammo for you.”

“I didn’t mind paying you! Now I feel like I owe you so much for all of those lessons.”

“You don’t owe me anything.”

“It feels that way,” she grumbled.

They reached the Razor Crest again, and Din stopped before boarding, turning to face her. “You don’t owe me, Lira. I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t want to do it.”

“I know, but still! All these years? That’s so much ammo, Din.”

“I thought we were friends.”

“We are!”

“Don’t friends do that for each other?”

“Secretly buy ammo for each other?”

He tilted his head slightly, and Lira sighed.

“Well, thank you. I appreciate it, but you really didn’t have to do that. I can buy my own ammo, you know.”

“I know.”

“I’m not mad, by the way. I’m just surprised. All of those lessons, Din! I thought I was paying you for them.”

“If it makes you feel any better, you can consider the lessons an investment on my part for my own safety so I could be sure you didn’t accidentally shoot me in the back.”

Lira’s eyes widened. “Is that a joke, Din Djarin? Did you just make a joke?”

Din turned and made his way up the ramp of the Razor Crest without answering her, and Lira laughed as she ran to catch up to him.

[thedoctornumber11]

Munday post

I figured maybe this week I’d do a different type of Munday.  Most of my long time roleplay partners already know me quite a bit and I also try to introduce myself to newer partners as well, however I figured this could be a good chance for everyone to really get to know me.  I’m including everything under a read more not because long post and also because I know not everyone likes seeing this type of thing.  It’s just a bunch of random facts about me and my favorite things along with a munday pic under the cut.  I didn’t want to just throw out a munday picture like most would do.  I’ve done that plenty of times before and there’s nothing wrong with it, I just felt like doing something a bit more unique and different this time that might really give people a chance to get to know me :D

So long post under the cut.

So, first off, my name is Derek.  I’m the mun.  I just recently turned 30 and I’m from Indiana.  I work in a preschool, essentially as a glorified baby sitter.  I help the teachers get their breaks.  

I’ve been interacting on here since November of 2013 and I’ve had this exact blog with this exact URL the entire time.  I wanted something really generic and not just a quote or something like that.  I first tried TheEleventhDoctor, but obviously that was taken so this ended up being what I went with.  As for the theme, it too was made a VERY long time ago.  The TARDIS theme with the opening doors on the TARDIS actually used to be quite popular when I first started interacting on here, particularly with the Doctor Who RP fandom.  Although I’m the only one I see with it these days, if you go looking for older Doctor Who blogs that have gone inactive you are actually likely to find a few other blogs with it.  As for the background picture, I found that one myself except for the part with Matt Smith/The Eleventh Doctor edited on.  That part was done by someone I used to interact with who just surprised me with it one day and unfortunately isn’t on Tumblr anymore :(  Having been on this platform for so long I’ve obviously seen a lot of blogs come and go and I miss every single last one of them :(  However I also enjoy everyone I currently interact with and would recommend almost any of them.  Seriously, if anyone is looking for new people to interact with, let me know you are looking for people and what fandoms you enjoy and I can probably recommend a few blogs!

Outside of Tumblr RP, I enjoy video games, yugioh, reading comics, general super hero related stuff, watching movies, playing Pokemon Go (I help run the local PoGo community) general board games, watching my shows, figure collecting, and cosplay, most of which I’m sure is stuff many of you also enjoy.  My fandoms include Doctor Who (obviously), DC, Star Wars, The Legend of Korra/ATLA (I’m one of the few that likes LoK more than ATLA), Marvel, Star Trek, Firefly, Power Rangers, The Walking Dead, Yugioh, Pokemon, Sherlock, general Nintendo fandom, Digimon and Harry Potter.

Here’s a few things about me in list form.

My favorite musician is Weird Al Yankovic.  

My favorite book is Look Me in the Eye by John Elder Robbison.  As someone who’s been diagnosed with aspergers syndrome myself, this book really spoke to me in my original read through and since then I’ve purchased it multiple times.  I own at least three or four different copies of this book, partially because I kept loaning it out to people.

My favorite book series is the Harry Potter series.  Don’t ask me for a favorite book in the series, I love them all about equally.  

As for comics, right now my favorite thing I’m reading is the Power Rangers series that Boom is putting out.  Some of my favorites of all time include Power Ranger Soul of the Dragon, the Star Trek TNG/Doctor Who crossover, the Power Rangers/Justice League Crossover, the original Spider-Gwen series, Poison Ivy Cycle of Life and Death, The Dark Knight Returns (I know anything Frank Miller related is a bit controversial but I enjoy it for what it is) and Batman: Hush.

Favorite movies include UHF, Scott Pilgrim VS the World, Captain America The Winter Soldier, Captain America the First Avenger, Avengers End Game, the Justice League movie, anything and everything DC animated, anything and everything Spider-Man related (yes, I even like Spider-Man 3 although it wasn’t as good as the others), anything Star Wars related although I’d say Force Awakens is my favorite one, the 2017 Power Rangers movie, Serenity, The Lego movie and it’s sequel, Yugioh Bonds Beyond Time, Mystery Men, Galaxy Quest, all the Star Trek movies, the corny 90′s Mario movie, the Doctor Who movie, and Detective Pikachu.  Really, any of the Marvel and DC movies could probably make this list as well, I’m not super picky when it comes to movies.

Favorite TV shows is something I am a bit pickier about.  Doctor Who is obviously on the list, and I’ve watched and enjoyed most of the Marvel and DC live action stuff although I have a huge preference for the arrowverse and 70′s Wonder Woman.  Animated stuff tends to vary but a lot of the older stuff from the early and mid 90′s seems to be best for that.  Power Rangers is obviously on the list as well, along with The Walking Dead, Digimon, Avatar the Last Airbender, The Legend of Korra, Sherlock, Yugioh, Firefly, and off the top of my head that’s about it.  Everyone always assumes I’m huge into anime as well, but I’m not actually that into it.  Just not my thing.

Now video games has potential to be my longest list as it’s easily my favorite medium of story telling due to the interactivity.  First off, Nintendo and Playstation are my general consoles of choice.  Nothing against Xbox, I have a lot of respect for the brand but I can’t really afford to have three consoles (even though I wish I could) and Nintendo and Sony have more offerings for me personally.  I also do dabble on PC a bit, but I don’t really have a high end PC and it’s mostly just for Sims.  That being said, my favorite games and game series include Watch_Dogs, The Sims, Mario (mostly the “main series,” 3D games and 2D platformers but I do enjoy some of the off series stuff like Mario Kart and Mario Party as well) , Pokemon, Super Smash Brothers, The Force Unleashed series, Injustice, most of the Spider-Man games, The Last of Us, Tomb Raider, most of the Batman games, Wario Ware, The Last of Us (still haven’t played the sequel yet.  Waiting to get it for cheap after seeing reviews), Days Gone, Control, Horizon Zero Dawn, No Man’s Sky, 51 Worldwide Classics for Switch, No Man’s Sky, the Tony Hawk Games (still haven’t played the new one yet), Time Splitters, The Movies, Hulk Ultimate Destruction, Zombies Ate My Neighbhors, Kirby, The Legend of Korra game (the 3d one, not the really bad one for 3DS), Donkey Kong, Street Fighter 2, Punch Out, Metal Gear Solid 5 the Phantom Pain, Sonic Heroes, and the list could go on and on.

My favorite drink is root beer or chocolate milkshakes if that counts

My favorite alcoholic drink is probably just a basic screwdriver tbh

My favorite food is Cheeseburgers, although Chicken Pot Pie is also a top contender tbh

My favorite color is green

My favorite Doctor is Eleventh obviously, but Thirteen, Two and Twelve are tied for second

Favorite companions are Amy, River (if she counts), and Donna

Favorite New Who episode is The Eleventh Hour

Favorite Classic Who story is Genesis of the Daleks

Since I’ve mentioned super heroes a lot, my favorites are Batman, Wonder Woman and Spider-Man, although Supergirl, Batgirl, Captain America, Scarlet Witch and Black Widow are also pretty high on the list.

Favorite game in the Pokemon series is X and Y

Dragonite is my favorite Pokemon

Favorite 3D Mario game is Odyssey although Sunshine would be next up on the list.

This is my only Tumblr RP blog.  I also have an ask meme blog and I used to have a personal but I haven’t logged onto it in years.

I’m on discord and I do add people from Tumblr on there, but I mostly only use it for Pokemon Go tbh

I spend every Wednesday and Sunday at the local comic book shop playing Yugioh

For anyone wondering in relation to that last fact, my current competitive deck Barrier Stun.  Some of my favorite casual decks that I play or have played in the past are Lightsworn, Blue-Eyes, E-Heroes, Greed, Sacred Beasts, Penguins and Six Samurai.

In the last decade I’ve moved about 3 times

I own pets!  I have one dog and one cat currently, but a few years back when we lived in a more country like setting, we owned 7 cats and 2 dogs at maximum.  Most of them died of old age over the last few years.

Before my current job I used to work at Walmart.  Long time followers of the blog may remember that I hated it there.

I don’t have a whole lot of writing experience outside of Tumblr tbh.  While I do enjoy writing on here, it’s the interactions itself that makes it fun for me and while I’ve tried to write a few things myself, it’s just not the same as roleplay.

Anyway, I just sort of wanted to do something different for munday besides just posting pictures of myself so I hope anyone who read this enjoyed it.  Here’s a pic of the mun to go with it.

[ask-xayah-therebel]

What to do, what to do.

I feel like I really oughta do something with this account considering it’s existed under approximately seven different URLs, and this is quite literally the first post on it in.. Three(?) years of having the account.

Idk if anyone will ever even see this to be honest, it’s kinda weird. Part of me wants to get back into league RP stuff, but that shit was hella fucked, and so many people in it left such a sour taste in the back of my mouth. Like, probably over 70% of every encounter i’ve had with someone that I can still look back on and go “what the everloving fuck” in disgust is from that community.

But, it was kinda fun. Somehow.

The other part of me however is going “Why the fuck would you do that” and instead just wants to write, so this might just turn out to be one of those things where I’ll every now and then put a short drabble or some shit on and kinda hope I don’t hate it, just to keep myself writing and hoping.

The third and final part though just kinda wants to use it as a blog- I only ever really come on here now when i’m drinking anyway, so using it as an emotional outlet could be very interesting. Simultaneously though, I tried using that coping mechanism before and it was bad. Like, hella bad. 15 year old me was stupid.

Speaking of, holy shit it’s been a while since I first set out on here. Six years. I’ve made and lost so many friends since then- Through here, and outside of the site. Think about it, so many trends and people have come and gone over the last six years, to a point that I remember worrying if my writing would ever be good enough, and here I am at doing a university course to make computer games. Never woulda thought it’d be possible back then.

Of course, if you said to me six years ago “Kid, in six years time you’re going to have made some fucking terrible decisions but you’ll have come to terms with almost all of them. In six years time, you’ll be doing a course on something you currently dream of. In six years time, you’re up at 4am drinking and writing what amounts to a small essay on god knows what.” I’d go “yeah you’re talking out of your ass, now go away so i can fuck exams up some more”.

The world changes so much, it’s so weird. Kinda cool though.

Anyway, I’ll probably come back to this with some kinda answer in the next several days when I’m procrastinating doing my animation assignment that’s due in.. Three days time? And I still need to actually learn to animate, and create several game ready animations, then import them into a game platform. Christ.

Welp. To future me- I hope you fucking did your assignment and got it in on time.

To anyone reading this- I’m amazed you found this, and am very, very concerned that you did. Like i don’t know if you were stalking old blog names of mine and found this one with this post? Or if tumblr just recommended it because this website is a shithole. But congrats for making it through this far either way, I guess.

Speaking of.. Jesus I’ve had a lot of blogs haven’t I. Katarinaishyperashell, lady-of-clockwork, yasuothetempest, ask-xayah-therebel, adanceofbladesandblood.. That’s quite a few aye. And that ain’t counting the ones I’ve remade over the years, or can’t remember the names of.

So many people who convinced me to stick around on those blogs, so many of them that made me so happy. And depressingly, I can’t remember a single one of them.

Well. I remember them, but the ones I remember have already moved on as far as I know. A shame, but I’m glad they ain’t doing what I’m doing, sat here typing out their thoughts while being blinded by the white log that is this text box. Or maybe they are, and I just don’t know it.

Regardless, I should probably sleep or at least get my sorry ass in bed. Got lots of animation work to do tomorrow.

So, to anyone who has found this and read through it all, congratulations on getting through the ramblings of a man who really needs a sleeping schedule and to do their assignments. If you skipped to the end, I don’t really blame you either. But aye, if anyone who’s read this remembers any of those old blogs- I feel hella bad for you, but hit me up. Chat about memories n all that jazz.

Take care, and sleep well.

[violetsystems]

#personal

I can’t really tell if my mood is better or worse on Sunday mornings rather than the typical Saturday.  Things have reached a point where it’s just not worth explaining how awful life can be.  My life story at this point is slightly more convoluted than a side job in Cyberpunk 2077.  It’s also seemingly just as insignificant.  That is until I realize I’ve been writing here weekly for over two years at this point.  I’ve been posting on this platform for what seems like over a decade.  The value of this kind of journaling has been impossible to gauge.  I just paid a full year for LinkedIn to keep my career contacts alive.  I post in the hashtag cybersecurity almost every day.  I have a solid list of five contacts that follow my company.  I post the zero day news as it happens.  I promote my brand and employability.  As if this is the only thing that is valuable.  A twenty year resume with management experience that gets picked over by AI and human just the same.  I also forget sometimes I’m a musician.  I was reminded last night when I posted the RP Boo “Bangin’ on King Drive” video.  I was at that video shoot.  Years ago I would just run into Bu in the street with his wife randomly.  I appear nowhere in that video as I was edited out much like I was the only artist edited out of a Pitchfork review for a footwork compilation from Japan that protested Nuclear proliferation.  If there were any more alarming trend for me it’s that most of what I try to succeed at is locked beyond a brick wall.  I sit here from week to week trying to figure out ways to keep myself from disappearing.  I worry about where I can actually pivot and when.  I lay awake at night alone in my bed calculating what my runway for cash positivity is before I have to leave this city altogether.  It sometimes feels completely futile and useless.  Everybody in America is winner take all when there’s nothing left to take.  It’s cutthroat and we’re all in this together at the same time.  The amount of bullying I have to process per day has left me broken down and angry ninety percent of the time.  And yet angry is a shitty look for me.  I lose at video games all the time.  And lately I feel as if I’m living in one.  To explain that any further gets into some territory of oversharing.  I’ve written paragraphs upon paragraphs about my life here.  And yet nobody seems to acknowledge I exist other than here.  Which leads me to believe a very few amount of people actually have the reading comprehension over 140 characters to look deeper into someone’s life, liberty and value therein.  I think sometimes that it shouldn’t be this hard.  That something is very wrong and deeply troubled about it all.  And there’s not much I can really do about the things I’m up against when it’s only me fighting it from day to day out here.  So I’ve fallen back to what I know.  We are still very much in the middle of a pandemic.  I’m happy the relief bill has passed.  I’m waiting to pay my taxes until it’s official.  Which puts me back in the same mood I’ve been in the last eight months.  A complete state of abandon.  This nefarious field of people watching you every day waiting to pin something on you.  It never comes because I know better than to fall back into that trap as much as I can these days.  

The worst of this mindfuck is over for me.  I don’t actually really care too deeply about how wrong things are.  Mostly because I’ve done my best to make due under impossible circumstances.  You’d think someone like me after all these years would have something to celebrate.  I kind of do.  My birthday didn’t matter to anyone really out here much last month.  It was a clear indicator that I had no real peers out here anymore.  As evidenced as how everyone in footwork I helped back in 2014 has literally just ghosted like the rest of my professional network.  I had a couple of things to fall back on.  But it’s impossible to fall back onto anything when people would rather pretend you didn’t exist.  I’m always supposed to read into these psychotic projections by society because somehow I’m supposed to realize more is expected out of me.  I can’t figure this out completely.  Like I brought all this upon myself.  That’s the vibe I get from day to day.  That because I don’t share my plans, agenda, or strategy with the real world I’m shit out of luck.  The irony is that I do share it verbatim.  Week to week.  In a very coy, oblique way this is true.  But I am also a writer.  This is another talent I’ve been taught by society that has no value.  I wrote emails for my bosses for years on my days off.  On my birthday even.  This doesn’t mean it is worthless.  The audience is out there.  If it weren’t I would have quit sharing my feelings a long time ago.  I’m fairly aware at some point I’m going to have to put this all behind me.  Hopefully when the world wakes up and returns to normal like nothing ever happened.  That’s going on as we speak and I don’t even have a vaccine in my arm.  It’s a constant state of fear and missing out projected back at you.  That the reason I’m not happy is totally because of what I choose to take on in my life.  And I’m supposed to get the message when people don’t actually communicate.  I had this strange realization yesterday when I discovered all my videos were closed captioned.  I watch movies with subtitles all the time simply because I love to read.  My videos barely get ten views if that.  I often think content is content.  If you put it out there someone will eventually find it and wonder about it’s value.  In the age of semi-spiritual machines it’s true that the algorithms seem to be the only curators out there listening.  Everything I say out loud is transcribed and mothballed somewhere on Siri’s or Alexa’s servers.  When I take a screen shot of the things I say off the top of my head, I’m often aware that something acknowledges I actually said them.  It’s just nobody human really wants to pay attention. They are hardcoded over my videos as proof of the value of my words.  Not like you can sell the speculative value of it yet.  The first tweet is being auctioned off as a NFT and you wonder how worthless I have to feel at this point.  I’m sure we all feel a little of this deep down.  Disconnected and in some sort of weird emotional exile.  I think it just makes me realize more of what I am connected to.  A history of authenticity.  A life that trades the catwalk for the streets as brutal and unforgiving as they are.  Nobody can stop talking shit about me.  But it’s almost always a hallucination.  For a person who puts it all out there, I must be a shitty fucking writer.  I can spend week to week writing the same thing.  That I’m completely abandoned and ghosted out here on my own.  And how it’s less unsafe and more simply a degraded quality of life when it comes to my rights as a human being to be happy.  I’m supposed to get the message when nobody can bother to read mine.  The writing is on the wall I guess.

So instead of pining on and on about it which I just did for two paragraphs, I still look for solutions.  I still broadcast weekly to let people know I’m still alive.  I make funny jokes to myself and screencap them to mask deep emotional scarring that is no fault of my own.  I literally feel trapped and under duress almost all of the time.  And yet, I don’t really have the luxury of taking the shit when I’ve had the hope choked out of me until I can’t breathe.  If the answer is to keep ignoring the problem, it’s hard to be me.  Because nobody can leave me alone.  No one seems to have any sense of dignity as to what I’ve been through.  I never claimed to be a victim.  That’s not really me.  I’ve survived and been resilient.  I can see that working a six figure corporate job in New York or China is probably more worth my time in the not so distant future.  I can also see that I’m worth more than what people sell me short for.  I know we are in a dangerous time of confidence tricks.  I don’t really have much to lose other than cash positivity.  I can wait this out until the end of the summer for sure.  And then I start to think about spending another winter being hunted and shunned at the same time.  Mentally I can’t fuck with this city after what it’s done to me alone.  I can’t keep being a superhero for people who can’t be bothered to understand how painful it is to be taken for granted after all these years.  I just give up on everything in the past that isn’t working and move forward as best as I can.  Just like they threw the entire contents of my office in the trash I can let it go.  There is a very real emotional exhaustion I have to deal with from day to day.  The level of psychological torture and abuse I’ve witnessed first hand in this city is at a level that is unlawful and unhealthy.  I know too much about what it’s all connected to.  And I know I’m better than all of this.  I don’t know how to proceed.  And this is a very real and dangerous situation that I am stuck in the middle of a shark tank feeding frenzy of well meaning but rabid idiots and the pricks that prod them with a sharp stick.  I don’t have a future here in this city.  I don’t have a future in this state or country if you wanted me to be real about.  And yet I have so much potential if I just hold on for one more year.  For one more decade.  For another forty years when they turn my blog into a NFT after my death like I’m the next Van Gogh.  Everybody will talk about how they knew me and how tortured an artist I was.  I was so misunderstood and it was beautiful.  They’ll fund a school with the proceeds that kicked me out the door because I was a blight on their payroll and budget.  And I’ll be a digital ghost just the same.  I feel like that very ghost now every waking fucking moment.  It is a pain I cannot describe in words.  It is a suffering that is goaded on in the worst syndicate driven way.  I have nothing good to say about any of this shit anymore.  I have no more room to break down and make things worse for myself.  I just have to adjust my schedule and manage my emotions with it all because it’s my fault.  This is the message I keep hearing in my head projected by silent looks as I picked up my prescriptions on foot avoiding everyone who wants to see if it’s true.  If I really am the bogeyman.  The source of the problem.  Someone to blame.  The scapegoat for everything that is wrong with the world.  Convenient but ultimately not worth my time to humor.  Which is why I don’t really know what to do anymore other than to stay inside and wait for justice.  If there’s anything poetic about it, it’s that it runs pretty seamlessly at 1440p.  Much clearer resolution than what this city wants to offer me after what it’s put me through.  <3 Tim

[ladymelissaduthe]

challenge #3.5

aka the animal shelter (jackson #4)

a/n: i must say-- writing has been tough for me the past few weeks what with school but I bring yall this fic before stuff goes down at the ball. enjoy this fic yall, IT’S ADORABLE.  @jackson-graham ;) Bri you know ily, thank you for this RP AS ALWAYS. Doc link is in the title. ENJOY, I also have some a/ns in the notes because Missy is too dumb a bitch to notice certain things and I can’t help but mention them . this is also my longest fic so far LMAO (9346 words)

An independent community engagement proposal.

Oh gosh, it was exciting to really have the chance to try and make a difference. Try to do something big and grand to really help people. It was a way for me to show everyone that maybe I didn’t constantly have weddings and parties on the brain. If I was somehow still here in the palace, even if my disastrous first date with Arin, I guess I needed to show everyone that I had more to offer than just being Missy the Wedding Planner. Something a little more princess material, yesiree!

Still, finding a cause close to my heart was more difficult than I actually planned. ­

I mean… it was difficult… to really figure out a struggle to help with.

One day, it just struck me though, while I was talking to my Grammy on the phone. Reminiscing about the long days we spent together at the Oncology center in Orleans. For all my years, maybe the worst struggle I’ve seen up so close to was having to go see my Grammy go through the Big C.

A part of me wanted to think of a way to help local oncology centers, and I had to think for a couple of good days until I realized something while sitting in the greenhouse. Somehow I was reminded of a previous conversation here.

This is going to sound weird but, what’s working in an animal shelter like?

It’s hard. Lots of animals, easy to love, but not easy to see what’s been done to them. Or witness how plenty of them are looked over for other animals.

A program that helped train shelter animals to be therapy animals for public spaces.

It was perfect, and I got to work with it as soon as I got back to my room.

Maybe I was a little way over my head initially, but after a couple of days, I was able to Joogle and contact who I needed to call, which is something not entirely new to me.

It was like calling a bunch of vendors for a party, except it wasn’t vendors and the party was a community project that wasn’t really a party.

The beneficiary partners of the project were going to be the East Angeles Oncology Center and one of the city’s main social centers. Convincing them was initially tough if it weren’t for the fact that I mentioned that I was a Selected. Talking about the project and how they could benefit from it was pretty easy after that.

The possible animal trainers were a quick reference thanks to a previous client of mine apparently being on its board of directors. No wonder their dog was their ring bearer.

 I needed a couple of them to help make a course that would allow the animals,

I just needed an animal shelter partner. Luckily, I was just waiting for another chance to see the right person to help me with that.

----------

“Jackson! Oh my gosh!” I wave over and try to run over to where he is.

It was a couple days of waiting, sometimes seeing an empty hallway and hoping I would see his face when I would turn a corner. I really just spent most of that time preparing my proposal, writing things down while hoping to get a chance to talk to him and ask for his help. Most days to no success. Today, however, was my lucky day.

Jackson seems to turn when he hears me call his name, stopping in his tracks with a wave back at me. I was careful not to trip in my heels as I ran over to him down the hall.

“Hi Missy.” He greets with a signature warm smile.

I catch up to him, though needing a moment to catch my breath. I raise up my hand for a quick moment. Ooo wait give me a sec to breathe. One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three Mississippi. Okay, good.

“I was hoping to see you again around here.” I push some of my hair behind, hoping it would let me catch the air better. “How are you?”

“Not too busy.” His brows raise as he eyes my stance. “You okay?” he gestures to my breathing.

“Oh yeah, I’ve just been… running around doing some errands.” I laugh it off, straightening myself.

Jackson was the person I needed to onboard if I really wanted my independent community engagement proposal to be real. Convince him, and it could all fall into place.

“So I was thinking, um... I’m working on this project. I mean— all the girls are working on individual projects for... community engagement. AND! I— I was thinking of... asking for your help on this one.”

Mayhaps explaining it all in one go was a poor choice. Nonetheless, all Jackson does is blink, his smile not vanishing.

“I’m happy to help, Missy. What’s up?”

I suck in a breath. Mayhaps asking this huge favor was a little too much.

Hmm... nah.

“I was hoping that I could ask you to take me to the animal shelter, the one you’ve told me before.” I look to him, trying to contain my excitement. This was the last piece of the huge puzzle.

Jackson looks pleasantly surprised. “You want to use the animal shelter for your project? Really?”

“I mean, why not use the shelter for my project? It could be the model for what I want to propose.” I feel my smile soften at that thought. I really wanted this to happen. “It could give the critters a second life and purpose beyond just waiting for someone to adopt them.”

That was something I definitely remembered from my last conversation with Jackson. Broke my heart to think about that again. Maybe that’s why I was so determined to get Jackson’s shelter to be the partner for my project rather than any other shelter I could call up in Angeles.

“Yeah. It really could.” His smile softens. After a beat, he shakes his head and looks down. Odd. “Um, are you allowed to leave the palace?” He looks up once more to me.

“Well—” I trail off, my own eyes falling to the ground. “I don’t think it would hurt if I was gone for one afternoon.”

As my Grammy always said, it’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask permission.

I tuck my hair behind my ears. Asking for favors was a little more difficult than both of those.

“What do you say Mister Jackson Graham?”

((ALRIGHT A/N: LEAVING HOW BRI PHRASED THE REPLY BECAUSE MISSY CAN’T PICK THIS UP BUT…. *CRIES* I WISH SHE DID

*AH HER SAYING HIS NAME THAT WAY. how could he not agree? finds himself nodding* Yes, of... of course))

Jackson seems to nod, “Yes, of… of course.”

I feel my smile grow at his agreement. It’s all falling into place! It just wasn’t going to be some things I wrote on paper!

“Thank you thank you thank you!” I step a closer to Jackson and—wait.

Okay.

Mayhaps… I shouldn’t give him a hug.  

I quickly tuck my hands behind my back, hoping that I didn’t look as awkward as I already felt. Um, say something Melissa.  

“You have no idea how much this means to me. I promise it’ll be worth your time.”

From the look on his face, he seems to know where I was initially going with my hands, but thankfully, he doesn’t seem to bring it up. All he does is chuckle.

“You don’t have to promise. I know it will be.” He then makes a gesture to a certain direction for us to start walking.

Oh, I didn’t think we were gonna go ASAP… but, the idea of getting to go to the shelter right away was something I wasn’t opposed to.

“Thank you so much again.” I nod a couple of times, smiling as we begin walking. I guess Jackson was wondering why I wanted to go. I should explain myself, or at least try.

“I just... I just want to know, understand, what it’s like.” I start off. Trying to find the right words to put it. Looking back at my life in Orleans, it felt like living in a nice little bubble where everyone seemed to protect me. Mama especially since she never wanted me to even see the hardship she faced when she was still a Six. “It seems easy to just write about a place on paper but, I feel like I should personally know what it’s really like in shelters. You know?”

A part of me knew that I never got to see a part of the world before, but being in the Selection. All those princess lessons. It all really could make a girl wonder about… well the world out there and the not-so pretty fairytale type of situations.

“I think that can apply to most issues like these.” Jackson’s head bobs slightly. “But I do understand. I’m glad you... you want to witness it all.”

I nod again a couple of times, “It’s a place to start, seeing things as they are currently helps you understand what they should be or could be in the future.” I eye him, wanting to tease him. “Lucky for me, I had the right person in mind to help me with that.”

Jackson laughs bashfully, looking down at his feet while we still walked. “Right. I’m just glad I can help.” He smiles in my direction before we take a couple of more steps and opens a nearby door, gesturing for me to go in first. Warms my heart to see that chivalry wasn’t dead, at least not with Jackson.

“Are you sure, it’s not too much trouble on your part? For all I know, you’ve got some important work today at the shelter.” I ask while stepping through the door, waiting for him to step through before we start walking down a narrower and less fancy-looking hallway.

“I have a light load today. And they’re always looking for new people to show around, they think it’s fun.” He sounds amused saying this.

“I hope they wouldn’t mind showing me around,” I say, my eyes scanning the hallway. I don’t think I’ve ever been in this part of the palace. It all looked so ordinary compared to where we were a couple of seconds ago. It still matched some of the accents of the hallway we came from, but it looked more normal, like a nice hotel hallway. I turn my attention back to Jackson. “How long have you been working there again?”

“Four years. Started working after I graduated from high school.” Jackson answers me right before we reach the end of the hallway and Jackson opens another door for us, one that lead directly to what seemed to be the garage.

“Guess you’ve become quite the regular there, huh?” I smile to him as I let him guide me, turning to the garage. Wow.  

It was like seeing the parking lot of some debutante’s 18th  birthday and all her crazy rich relatives were attending. Was that an Audi I saw? Plenty of nice cars lined up, a motorcycle at the end of the line. It was funny how the luxury of living in the palace still amazed me.

“I lucked out in that area. They’re good people too. You’ll like them.” Jackson leads me to where I assume he parked his car. I smile at the sight of him opening the passenger’s door of an ordinary-looking silver sedan. It reminded me of the one we had back home.

“The real question is: will they like me?” I joke before a grateful smile for his gesture, going inside—feeling my head bump against the frame in process. I let out an ow, before letting myself mumble that I was okay.

“Oo.” I see him grimacing, “Sorry, it’s a bit low. Sure you’re alright.”

“Yeah, totally fine.” I give him a quick thumbs up from the inside of his car, laughing to myself at how silly I am. “I’m just prone to accidentally hitting my head in cars.”

“I’ve been prone to much worse.” He flashes a crooked smile as he shuts my door. I laugh as I watch him head to the driver’s side, climb in and buckle up in a steady pace, setting his phone in the cup holder. I remember to buckle up too.

He starts his car, then holds out a cable out to me, “Do you… want to play your music?”

I look at the AUX cord he’s offering, and I offer him a polite smile.

“You don’t want to know the kind of music I like listening to.” I curl my lips in, trying to suppress the awkward smile creeping up my face.

Jackson raises both of his brows, with a chuckle. “You seem awfully sure about that.”

“You’re the first person to offer me the A-U-X cord in the longest time.” I shake my head, though maintaining a smile. “I think that says a lot already.”

Means my friends hate my taste in music, or are just really tired of hearing Show Tunes.

He shakes the cable a bit. With a small smile he says, “The offer is still out there for a few more seconds.”

His friendly smile was enough to convince me. I suppose I can’t quite say no to a friendly gesture like that, especially with someone already doing me a favor.

I let out a light laugh as I take the cord from him and slip my phone out of my dress’ pockets. “Please don’t make fun of me for this.” I give him a word of caution as I hook it up and tap over to my Dotify, picking the first song off of my morning playlist.

I glance up to Jackson, hoping he wasn’t going to groan at my choice.

RENT – RENT Live Cast. 

https://open.spotify.com/track/5ZFx5WIlDGbx2rJ2XZ9dQa?si=ChVHl9ljRUGj-Mi2-In8yw (yes the one Jordan Fisher was in)

The music suddenly fills the car with the loud percussion and electrifying guitar rifts of the show’s opening number, and I look over to Jackson gauging his expression while he starts reversing out of the garage and onto a driveway that probably would lead us out of the palace.

His smile grows the music plays, and I’m slightly relieved that he doesn’t seem to hate what I picked. Relieved enough to let myself take in the view of the coast to our right. I never noticed that the road followed the coastline when I first came here.

There was so much blue, as far as the eye could see. It was a view you could see from the terrace of my room, but seeing it move pass you while you were in a car… it was definitely something else on its own.

“This is Rent, right?” Jackson’s voice steals my attention back, and I find myself nodding enthusiastically.

“Yes! It’s,” my eyes glance down to my phone on my lap, “one of my favorite musicals.”

Probably my third favorite musical, right before Dear Evan Hansen and Waitress.

“I’m a Mamma Mia fan myself.” He half jokes in my direction, though his driving still impeccably smooth.

“Really? You strike me as more of a Hamilton fan.” I return the joke with a teasing look his direction, letting myself lean back and watch us drive more into a small winded hilly area.  

((get it,,, cause Jordan Fisher played Philipp/Laurens in Hamilton BJSNKD))

“Hamilton’s definitely  a close second.” His smile seems to widen at that, and I notice the car finally reaching a highway. That was fast. The car turns right and I find our car starting to merge with a dozen other cars on the highway. “But musicals are more my second choice of music anyhow.”

I turn to him curiously at that, “So what /is/ your first choice in music, Mister Graham?”

Another RENT song is starting to play, and I turn the volume down while we talk, wanting to hear him clearly.  

“More singer/songwriter material. Or the classics. Songs I can learn to play myself.” He glances to me, most of his attention on the road while our car started to merge with more traffic on the freeway.

“Oh,” I reply, not having quite pegged Jackson to be a musician too. A veterinarian/ animal shelter volunteer, and now: a musician. He was full of surprises, huh.“What instruments do you play?”

Jackson’s eyes still stay trained on the road. “Piano and guitar. My mother was a musician and I was the kid that managed to get it to stick.” He says, a half smile on his face.

I keep my head still turned his way, finding myself smiling at his reply. “Did she teach you how to play?”

He nods twice. “In the beginning yes. I progressed by myself throughout the years.” He answers before glancing over to me, “Do you play any instruments?”

I wish.

“Nope, I didn’t have anyone to teach me back in Orleans. No one in my family was interested enough in music for me to pick it up…” I answer, shaking my head with a light laugh. Just one of those things I wished I had picked up when I was younger, instead I had dance classes and competitions, kid pageants, and the occasional tag-along to a wedding.

Still, music was something that I wish I could have picked up if I had someone to teach me since the neighborhood I grew up was filled with little house parties where people would invite each other to listen to a mini concert. I only had a wedding planner, a former seamstress turned wedding planner, and a baker at home with me in the family.  

I laugh at that idea before adding a question for Jackson.

“So is your dad a veterinarian?” It would make sense if Jackson picked up his love of music from his mom and his love for animals from his dad.

“Lawyer, actually. We all went down different routes.” He answers, an amused lilt in his voice. So that makes his mom a musician, his dad a lawyer, his sister was an interior designer if I remember correctly, and Jackson: an aspiring veterinarian. Those were all very different routes indeed.

“Guess catching up with each other during family dinners would never be dull what with everyone doing their own thing.” I remark, imagining what conversations they’d have—definitely different from my own family’s, where Grammy, Mama, and I would be talking about the same things happening at DDW HQ. Not much variety, really.

“Absolutely never.” A short laugh escapes him, “Especially when I used to bring in little animals and hide them in my room as a kid.”

I cover my mouth, trying to stop myself from laughing too much at that mental image.

“Are you serious?” A snicker escapes me, feeling only more laughter bubble up from my stomach to my chest. “You’d try to hide little animals?”

He seems bashful about that admission, “It didn’t work out very well. Animals make noise and I didn’t know how to hide them without being noticed.”

“I’m still trying to imagine it,” A fit of laughter takes over me as I sit up straight in my seat and close my eyes to picture it even more clearly.

The mental image of a younger, much smaller version of Jackson hiding a baby bird in his jacket pops into my head. The bird making way too much noise as he creeps up the stairs, Jackson trying to go unnoticed. 

“You… probably trying to hide a little critter in your jacket.” I say with my eyes still closed, feeling myself smile at that image. I let out another laugh before opening my eyes to catch Jackson looking over to me. “It’s a no brainer you eventually grew up to become a vet.”

Jackson’s attention seems to linger in my direction half a second longer than he should take his eyes off the road before he turns forward again. I should probably stop trying to distract him from driving.

“I ruined plenty of clothes that way, actually.”

“A minor trade off.” I tuck some of my hair behind my ears, having been messed up while I was laughing probably too hard a while ago. “As long as you don’t hide animals in your jacket anymore.” I eye him suspiciously, obviously just joking.

His smile seems to grow, “Can’t show you all my tricks off the bat, now can I?”

“Guess I’ll have to keep an eye out for you in a jacket from now on.” I maintain my suspicious gaze over to him, trying to stay serious for a few seconds… and failing at that when another bubble of snickers escapes me.

“Not afraid of spiders are you?” He pats his pocket, sounding like he was just teasing.

But I could never really be sure if he was…

“You’re not serious…” I look over to his pocket for a second, before my hands instinctively go up and I move away to the edge of my seat close to the window.

Jackson laughs before putting his hand back on the wheel. “No, sorry, bad joke. I’m spider free for now.”

“Okay, great.” I relax before falling back against my seat and let myself laugh it off. “The last time I saw a spider, I shrieked.”

“Fairly standard reaction.” He sounds amused, “Although as a veterinarian, I have to care for and love all creatures.”

“Ehhhh, the shrieking was partially because of the location too.” I chuckle thinking back, shifting to make myself more comfortable in my seat. “Do veterinarians have one of those ‘do no harm’ creeds like doctors do?”

He hums, “You know I think they do. Seems like a necessary standard.”

It does sound like one.

“Where were you that a location made you shriek more than a spider?”

“You’re not gonna believe it but I…” A flashback of me accidentally falling through a bookcase’s earlier during the Selection. Remembering it all, it seemed more funny than scary, so funny that a laugh of disbelief escapes me. “I fell through a secret hallway back in the palace and I didn’t know how to get out.”

Jackson seems bewildered to hear this, “How’d you manage to do that?”

“Alright so,” I toss some of my hair back and get ready to share the experience.  

“I chose this one,” I hold a finger up, wanting to tell this story as animatedly as I can right now, “book on embroidery and I'm reaching for it and leaning against the shelf because it was pretty high up. Then, suddenly the shelf I was leaning against moved and I fell through it into this dark and dusty hallway, obviously home to a couple of spiders and a colony of dust bunnies.”  

A short laugh comes from Jackson. “Those secret passageways will really throw you for a loop if you’re not careful. You survived intact, I’m assuming?”

 “Intact but in a great need of a shower and change of outfit.” I laugh it off, jokingly squirming at the memory of the gross feeling of all that dust sticking onto me. “Arin was the one… who,” I pause, sometimes talking about Arin was more difficult than initially talking to him. “…got me out of there.”

The smile on Jackson’s face seems to falter after I bring up Arin. “Ah. That was… lucky then.” He pauses for a considerable time before asking, “How’ve you been? After everything.”

I try to find the right words to say.

I clear my throat once I think I’ve figured what was the right thing to say.

“Ah, well, definitely less crying.” My left hand seems to fidget with my ring on my right. “We went out on another…date…? I mean if that’s what you can really call it.” I try to laugh.

“Oh? How did that go?” Jackson’s voice sounds hopeful.

It was sort of an apology date in a way, about the last time. But doing things with Arin, well- they didn’t really feel like dates. Maybe I just… need time to get to know him better.

“Oh…” I look to him, hoping that none of my overthinking about it would show up on my face. “He taught me how to swim. I never really knew how to but I guess I can float and tread water like a normal person now.”

It was very kind of Arin to try and help me with that. Safety first.

“Despite anything else, I think you could call that a personal win.”

“I think so too. Anything next to normal is a win compared to last time.” I try to laugh again, this time wishing it would help with my nerves. A thought crosses my mind. The last time Jackson and I saw each other in person, I was crying over my disastrous first date with Arin. Did I ever thank Jackson for being there? Hmmm… I should probably thank him again just in case.

“Listen… thank you again for that night. I know I’ve thanked you before but—” I turn to smile in his direction, truly grateful for having him there. “it meant the world to have someone to talk to.”

Jackson seems to sit up a tad straighter, his attention going from the road to me. He nods once, “I um—well, I offer that as long as you’d like. Friendship I mean.”

He turns his attention forward to the road again, a small smile on his face.

The words Jackson and friendship seems to just make sense. I mean, being friends with the girls was amazing—especially with having girls like Itzel to talk to, but the idea of being friends with someone outside of the Selection was more than easy to agree to.

“Having a friend around is something I’d like very much.”  I smile over to him. “You’re the nicest person I’ve met since I got here.”

It was usually very rare to find the sort of genuine kindness Jackson had these days.

Jackson’s expression seems to become more bashful, “I’ve seen what this royal life can be like when you meet new people. I just… I’m glad I can provide some more normalcy for you.”

“Getting thrown into the royal life can really change a part of you.” A small laugh of agreement escapes me. “It’s good… to have people around to keep your feet on the ground. Maybe that’s why y’all seem to be a close bunch… I mean… your family and Uh… the Schreaves.”

“I don’t know.” Jackson seems to focus more on the road, switching lanes as I see an exit close by. “By now the familiarity has sort of blurred any kind of jarring reality checks.” he chuckles softly.

“I guess the jarring reality check can come along whenever you get out of the palace.” I laugh, looking out to my window. “This still looks so… different compared to what I’ve been seeing for the past two months.”

It was nice to see the city like this instead of just seeing the skyline from the palace rooftop. Angeles was so different compared to Orleans. Even their residential areas looked different compared to what I usually saw back home.

“Compared to the glittering walls and dresses?” Jackson asks in a teasing way.

“Definitely different. I can do away with the glittering walls.” I think, not being too in love with the idea with living in a place as big as the palace. “You can get so scared to walk around in those hallways since every single decoration looks like they’ll cause you an arm and a leg if you break ‘em. But the dresses?” I hum, smoothing the skirt of my yellow mini dress. “I can get use to this.

Not gonna lie, I loved my dresses in the palace the most among the Selected perks.

“They’re quite pretty.” Jackson says so as our car exits off the freeway. I feel myself smile at that comment, not sure why my face feels warm every time I hear something along the lines of that.  

Jackson stops at a red light, waiting if he can make a turn and doing so when the light turns green. I haven’t really noticed it but my playlist was playing another song from a musical, You Will Be Found from Dear Evan Hansen, the song softly playing in the background while we drive. I hum along with it as we drive. In the area that we are going through, it looks like a shopping center was nearby. It was bigger than most malls I’ve usually frequented in Orleans.

Oh gosh, I missed going to malls.

Unfortunately, Jackson drives past it, telling me that it’s not much longer until we reach the shelter.

Maybe another time.

“Anything I should know about the shelter before we get there?” I ask, looking over to him.

A knowing smile tugs at his lips, “I hope you won’t mind getting fur all over that dress.”

I chuckle at his advice, scrunching up my nose with a light nah.

We stop at a nearby intersection, and Jackson makes a right where the shops grow further and further apart the more we went down the road. In fact, there were more trees now. Before I really knew it, Jackson makes a left into a parking lot. Taking in the shelter from my window. It was quite big actually, bigger than I imagined it initially. A light blue sign with a paw print with the name:

Angeles Friends for Life Animal Rescue.

I push my hair out of my face when the car comes to a stop at a spot close to the front of the shelter. My hand finds the release button of my seat belt as I say, “Looks like you guys have a fine operation out here.”

A fine operation seemed like an understatement.

He hums pleasantly at that, “We’re lucky to have wonderful management.”

Jackson looks at me, “Ready to meet everyone?”

I unplug my phone from the AUX cord and hold it in my left hand, before looking back to Jackson with a smile.

“I’m always ready.”

Jackson seems like the sound of that answer, unbuckling himself from his seatbelt. E nods and gets out of the car and waits for me to follow. Once I’m at his side, he leads the way into the building’s main entrance into a lobby area. It was as welcoming as the shelter did look on the outside. There was a blue theme going around the room, matching the sign outside. On the walls of the lobby were pictures of what I assumed to be of owners with pets who I assume were adopted from this shelter. My eyes go back and forth between that wall and the huge fish tank behind to be what seemed to be the front desk.

As Jackson leads me to it, a head pops up from below the desk, one belonging to a young man our age. I almost jump at that.

His dark hair looked like it needed a comb.

He smirks at Jackson, then his eyes shift to me, his expression shifting into a beaming smile.  He stands, looking tall, lean, and well— handsome, but not quite my type.

“Jackson, my wonderful friend, now who would this be?”

My eyes go to look at Jackson, letting him reply first and I’m careful to not talk over them.

Jackson’s brows raise at that question. “Wonderful friend. Milking it, aren’t you?”

The young man clear his throat, “Come on now, I’d hate to be rude to your friend here. She’s—” he blinks and slowly points a finger between Jackson and I. “How.. what?”

Oh he must have…. Right.  

I was kind of famous now, famous by association, I suppose.

The conversation seems to go silent, so I take it as my opportunity to segue and step into the conversation. I’m mindful to make my tone friendly, trying to make sure that this isn’t awkward in the very least.

“Hi there! I’m Missy Duthé.” I extend my right hand out to him over the desk. “I’m interested in workin’ with the shelter for a certain project!”

He shakes my hand, his face still looking dazed. “Missy. It’s… wow. Great to meet you.” His smile seems kinder, but still looking slightly stunned. “I’m Merrick.”

“It’s my pleasure to make your acquaintance Merrick.” I maintain my smile before taking my hand back.

“I’m going to give her a full tour. Is Julianna swamped today?” Jackson asks, and my brows raise at that.

“No no, slow afternoon. There’s a couple looking at the dogs but other than that the place is yours.” Merrick says, his eyes shifting to me, still looking surprised.

I still don’t quite understand the weird fame that being Selected afforded me, but what I do know is that people shouldn’t really be treating me any differently. I try my best to exude a calm energy to put Merrick at ease that I was normal as any Illéan girl could be.

“I was just telling Jackson how you guys have such a fine operation over here.”

“That’s kind of you.” Merrick chuckles. “It’s been years in the making. Family business.”

Jackson gestures to Merrick, “Julianna’s his mom.”

So Miss Julianna, Merrick’s mom, must be the head. I take note of that. I also take note that the shelter is actually a family business, adds to its charm in fact.

“The one and very scary only.” Merrick gives a small glance to the next door, probably scared that Julianna was going to come out.

A chuckle escapes Jackson, “Careful or I might tell her you said that.”

I make sure to nod along their conversation, “So… I suppose Miss Julianna’s the one I’m supposed to talk to about my project?”

“Her or Jackson. He knows how to run the place better than I do and I grew up here.”

Her or Jackson. I smirk over to Jackson at that.

Jackson smiles at the ground before looking to me. “Yes, she is. She can answer anything I can’t.”

I push some of my hair back, still keeping my attention on Jackson. “Well, I didn’t know what my friend was so influential over here.”

“It’s the animals. They outvoted me.” Merrick says, I catch him half-smirking over to us.

Jackson rolls his eyes and mumbles. “Sure, alright.” He clears his throat before turning to me, “We can head back now.”

“I’m sure we can trust the critters’ judgment.” I giggle before nodding to Jackson, feeling my smile grow. “Where to Mister Jackson Graham?”

“We can start with the cat room, then work our way around the building.” Jackson says, and I follow him as he leads the way, clasping my hands in front of me.

“See you later.” He calls back to Merrick.

I hear a beep from the door and see Merrick wave over to us. “Have fun!”

“Nice meetin’ you!” I say turning to Merrick’s direction for a quick second, then turning my full attention to Jackson. “How many rooms are we talkin’ about?”

“We have four.” Jackson’s voice seems to almost be accompanied by the sounds of the barks and scurrying on the ground from the rooms around us. “Two dog rooms and two cat. One’s for the older animals and the other for the younger ones, but there’s a room in between where they can play with another. Outside for the dogs well.” He gestures around the hallway as we walk together.

There’s more pictures of animals on the walls actually, like in the lobby. More stories of adoption. I try to remember the info Jackson is telling me, trying my best to make notes. I find myself getting more distracted by the pictures in the hallway. One of the pictures almost makes me stop for half a second.

A boy my age, with blue eyes hugging a Siberian husky with eyes like his.

He reminded me of Daniel and Jewel.

I wonder if Daniel took Jewel with him to Waverly.

I shouldn’t think about this anymore, letting myself continue walking with Jackson.

“So you guys mostly accept cats and dogs ‘round here?” I ask, trying to push those other thoughts away.

Jackson hums a yes. “We’d like to have more animals, but we’d need a bigger facility. That’s Julianna’s dream.” A small smile appears on his face.

We seem to approach a door with a small window that Jackson peeks inside with.

“Looks like they just finished up their lunch.” Jackson says as I try to peek through the window too, not catching a glimpse as Jackson opens the door for us. I feel myself bouncing on my heels at the sound of all the scampering inside.

The door reveals a small area with a half wall that reached my hips, dividing the room between the small area and a much larger area. We walk over to peek over the wall to see a couple of staff members in the area, more than a dozen of little kittens playing with a few bigger cats, toys scattered around the area.

If there was one thing that could make my heart melt other than weddings, it was a room full of tiny little kittens. I look over the half wall, my eyes shifting from one cat to another cat.

Oh my gosh, there was a kitten rolling a little ball around. Oh my gosh, there were a pair wrestling with each other. I feel my smile only growing as I watch them play with each other.

A thought crosses my mind.

I turn to Jackson, a little shy to ask this.

“Can I pet some of them?”

Jackson smiles back at me. “Absolutely.”

YAY.

He opens a lower door attached to the half wall, telling the other employees that we were coming in. He leads me over to a sink close to the wall, where we wash our hands before we get to hold the cats. I let Jackson go first and follow right after he finishes.

Once we finished washing our hands, Jackson goes over and kneels with two employees and chats with them. I stand close to one of the walls, trying to go unnoticed, letting myself watch Jackson talk from afar.

This was Jackson’s element. It was actually really nice to see him in it. I don’t think there wasn’t a better job for someone as kind as he was.

After a few moments, he picks up a kitten with a grin and brings her over to me. I make sure to receive her and hold her tenderly in my hands, making sure to be gentle as I held her up. My cheeks are already starting to hurt from how much I was already smiling.

“Hewoooo, what’s your name sweetie?” I ask the kitten, before looking up to Jackson and mouthing how can they be this cute?

Jackson seems to laugh at that, “That one’s Ginger.” A couple of kittens purr around Jackson’s feet and he seems to pick one up, pressing a kiss to its head.

“Ginger! Ain’t that a darlin’ name!” My smile can only grow from here, while the kitten seems to purr as I hold her close to my chest and smiling over to Jackson and the kitten he picks up. She was a pretty kitten, with pure white fur. “Jackson, what’s the name of your friend over there?”

“This here is Lucinda. She has quite the spirit.” As if to prove his point, Lucinda opens her mouth to lightly nip at Jackson’s finger.

“Hello Lucinda!” I giggle, smiling down at Ginger trying to move as I held her, making sure to give her feet some needed support. It takes me a moment to remember my purpose for coming here to the shelter. Gotta balance this play with some more work. My hand starts to stroke Ginger’s head.

“So uh… all of these kittens are rescues?”

Jackson nods. “Some have been dropped off by people who can’t find homes for them, others have been found. They usually don’t last very long as people like to adopt younger animals.” My brows raise at that statement, then Jackson gestures to Ginger, “She’s getting picked up tomorrow by a nice family.”

My hand is lightly stroking Ginger as Jackson speaks, and I smile down at Ginger.

“Isn’t that exciting Ginger? You get to have a new family!” I scrunch up my nose when my smile grows, before I look back up at Jackson—still concerned with what Jackson said. “I take it that the next room of cats has a larger population then?”

Jackson bobs his head, “Not much, thankfully. Lately there’s been an uptick in older cat adoptions, to our pleasure.”

His smile at that is different than his usual smile, happier if that was even possible for Jackson.

I like it when he smiles like that, it made his handsome face light up even more. I think I was looking at him without saying anything way longer than I should.. I try to think of something to say. Staring was rude, now just say something. Quick.

“That sounds good!” I smile down onto Ginger, and she looked like she wanted to head over to the other cats. I then place a quick kiss on her head before I set her on the ground watching her scurry to the other kittens.

“Would you like to go see the older cat room? It’s about the same layout, but I don’t mind giving you a peek.”

“Of course!” I stand up and dust some of the fur Ginger had left on my dress. “I wanna see the whole place!” I think I sounded way too excited, laughing to myself to get a hold of myself. “I just... I wanna know what I’m writing about... who I’m writing about better.”

Jackson seems to let my words sink in and his smile changes from that bright smile to something softer, still a nice smile.

“I understand. I’m… I’m glad.” He says and I wait for him to say something else as his gaze seems to linger on me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he guides the two of us out and into the next room.

((One of the things that I can’t add because MISSY IS A DUMB BITCH: The two of them not noticing the employees in the area looking at the two of them like 👀 as they leave))

We spend about an hour going through the other three rooms, mostly me just playing with all the critters and giving them the attention they deserved.

Jackson and I walk down a long corridor, feeling myself smiling as we exit the older dog area.

“I don’t understand how not a lot of people would want to adopt the older dogs!” I laugh, thinking that room probably was my favorite. “Oh Daisy almost tackled me, but gosh! She was so sweet!”

“She really was.” He smiles, “Puppies tend to be popular in this area. Lots of families. We take care of the ones that aren’t adopted anyhow.” He says fondly before his eyes glances to my dress. “You really don’t mind all that?”

I look down and notice the tons of fur sticking to my yellow dress and shake my head as I try to dust myself off.

“Nothing a lint roller couldn’t fix.” I chuckle before running a hand through my hair and noting some pet hair flying away. “Besides, I can’t exactly do the work right without getting a little messy with the critters.”

He nods, “You um..” he gestures to my hair, “have a little clump caught there.”

“Oh?” I turn to Jackson fully, trying to shake it out and comb it out. “Did I get it off?”

Jackson bites his lip and shakes his head with a small smile. He reaches over to me and I stand still, keeping my eyes on him as I feel his hand tug the fur and flick it away. He smiles to me after he does and I can’t help but smile back.

“Thank you very much Mister Jackson Graham.”

From the corner of my eye, I catch some fur sticking to his shirt, on his shoulder to be more specific.

I decide to return the favor, simply brushing it off his shoulder before we start walking again.

“Now where are we headed next?”

Jackson clears his throat, “Well, I was going to take you to Julianna if that’s alright. I figured you might have some more questions.”

“It’s more than alright!” I look over to him as we walk, “There’s the background on the shelter, current problems y’all are facing, current numbers on a lot of things going around here. Of course there’s a lot of things to ask permission about too! I wanna make sure I can let the proposal really help around here... for real.”

“Really?” Jackson asks, looking surprised.

“If there’s one thing I know how to do right, it’s executing a plan.” I smirk to him, though believing with my entire heart that my plan should really be executed. “What’s the point of planning something if you don’t see it through?”

What’s the point of a proposal if you don’t plan on executing it?

What’s the point of a proposal if you don’t plan on marrying the girl? Whoops.

I push that thought away again.

Jackson’s voice helps with that.

“Yeah. You’re right.” He looks, well—it looks more like a stare now, seems hopeful. I hope I could really help with what he’s told me about with this proposal. He seems to really listen to my words, and it’s a comfort to know that he is.

I try to mirror his expression, happy to have Jackson’s attention. “Ya know, there’s more to here,” I tap my temple. “than knowing how to plan weddings and parties.” I chuckle lightheartedly as we reach a door and stop by it.

“Is this Julianna’s office?”

Jackson nods.

“It is.” He pauses, looking like he’s about to knock at the door, but instead he turns to face me.

“I’ve always thought you’re more than planning weddings and parties, Missy. Thought you should know.”

I blink a couple of times, feeling my face warm. Well, not just my face. Everything felt warm as his words echo in my head. I don’t think he knew what those words meant to me. I’m thankful that Jackson had turned his attention away as he knocks on the door. I try to get a hold on myself.  

Julianna calls out at Jackson’s knock and he enters first before I do, the two of them sharing a friendly greeting before Julianna looks over to me. Jackson then introduces me to Julianna.

I snap myself out and hope that the warmth I felt on my face didn’t show in a blush.

I move forward and extend my hand out to Julianna.

“Hi! Um, I’m Missy.” I wince, knowing that Jackson has already said my name but I try to remain calm. “I hope I haven’t come at a bad time.”

Julianna seems quite friendly as she shakes my hand from where she’s standing in front of her desk.

“Not at all. What can I do you for today?”

“Well, Miss Julianna, I’m currently working on a community engagement proposal—it's uh, a project for every Selected girl, you see-- and I was thinking of partnering up with this very shelter to be ground zero for operations.”

I look over to Jackson, silently hoping for him to tell me how I was doing. I don’t know why I’m suddenly tripping over my words.

Jackson nods once in my direction, an encouraging look on his face. I could hear him say you’re doing great with the way his eyes looked at me.

Julianna’s brows raise as she asks, “Really? What would your project entail?”

His reassurance seems to help me try to ground myself and focus on communicating this better, standing up a little straighter as I smile over to Julianna.

“I’m glad you asked.”

I take my phone out of my dress’ pocket and go through my Joogle Drive to open up the presentation deck I prepared, waiting for it to load.

“I call it Operation: Empawthy. It’s a training program for shelter animals to become therapy animals for local hospitals and community centers.” I explain as I hold my phone out for Jackson and Julianna to see. The little logo and everything I made popping up on screen, a little paw with the project title surrounding it in a circle.

“It’s been brought to my attention that... a lot of older animals that call the shelter home, and I was hoping of helping them find a purpose... beyond just waiting for adoption.”

Both Jackson and Julianna lean in to look at the presentation I made. I try to gauge their reactions. Jackson’s face seems to light up as I go through the initial slides.

Julianna seems to instantly smile, asking, “And you’d like to follow through with this? Long term?”

“Of course!” I smile at that question, excited about my plan of execution for this program. “Most of the operations and plan can be executed within the next few months.” I tap the screen and move onto my timeline slide.

I continue, “It could be executed I already have a nearby local oncology center and a social center who are willing to partner too,  and well—” My brows furrow at the next thing I say, “even if I'm no longer a Selected, it's still possible to execute, even without mobilization from the Schreaves.”

Even if I did get eliminated, at least one good thing would come from me being a Selected.

Julianna moves to walk around her desk over to where I am, and I’m surprise to feel her wrap her arms around me in a meaningful hug. I glance over to Jackson while she does, catching an expression I couldn’t quite read.

“You’re the answer to so many of my questions on how to provide for these dogs.” Julianna leans back with her hands on my shoulders, smiling. “We’d be incredibly happy to have you with us.”

I smile back at Julianna, taking both of her hands in mine.

“I'll send you the primers and plans I currently have. I'm more than happy to help in every way I can!”

Julianna’s reaction seems to give me a whole new understanding for generosity and kindness. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I got to plan something meaningful and grounded in something beyond weddings or parties.

I wasn’t going to lie, it felt freaking good.

“You’ll have to thank Jackson too for bringing me all the way here though.” I turn to Jackson as I say that. I definitely wouldn’t have thought of this fully without remembering what he had said to me.

Julianna waves a hand, “Jackson has my eternal thanks. Bringing you here only goes to show his incredible judgement.”

Jackson looks down with a smile at Julianna’s compliment, before looking back up at Julianna with amusement.

“Kiss up.” He says.

She reaches out and gives Jackson a side hug across his shoulders. “And not ashamed of it.”

I don’t get why Merrick would ever call her scary.

I can’t help but laugh at the banter between them, tucking my hair behind both of my ears.

“Incredible judgment indeed!” I nod a couple of times, clasping my hands in front of me. “Thank you for letting me loop the shelter into this. I promise you both this project isn't gonna disappoint. That's a Duthé promise.”

“I have a feeling that’s a promise never broken.” Jackson says softly, his smile very soft.

Julianna seems to pause briefly at that, her smile not faltering.

“Once we receive all your information, I’ll keep close touch with you. Everyone will be so thrilled.”

I turn to Jackson, looking to him with an amused expression.

“You’re right, it’s never broken.” I punctuate that with a wink to him before I nod over to Julianna and quickly slip my calling card out of my phone’s card holder.

I always kept copies of it in case I met a potential wedding client but, it would work for now what with all my contact details on it. Let’s hope Julianna would just ignore all the wedding planner details on it.

“This is my card, I'll be probably contacting you through the email and number here. If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know. We'll definitely keep in touch.”

Julianna takes the card from me and sets it on her desk with a thank you, then mentions to us that she needed to get back to work and Jackson excuses us. He mentions that he’ll be back in the evening as we leave her office before Jackson leads me back into the hallway. I don’t forget to say a quick thank you before we leave.

“That was… wow.” He says once we’re outside of Julianna’s office. I try to eye Jackson’s reaction before I let myself smile and do a little happy dance, unable to control how happy I felt.

“OH MY GOSH!” my voice seems to go up another octave before I reach over and give Jackson a hug. “Thank you so so much for bringing me here and helping me make this happen!”

Jackson seems to laugh as he catches me, and I feel his hand going to my back.

“You were the one with the incredible ideas. It was wonderful, Missy.”

((Another thing I can’t write BUT I SCREECHED: */like you/* he thinks))

I pull away from him, still grinning but feeling a little shy with Jackson’s compliment. My face starts to feel warm again. I try to ignore it this time. I’m probably just too happy with getting the shelter as a partner.

“I’m so happy that you think so. I just thought—” My phone suddenly starts to ring, an alarm going off as I quickly reach into my pocket to snooze it.

5:30. Prepare for Dinner. I see on the screen.

Jackson still watches me as I handle it, “Everything alright?”

I stuff my phone back into my dress’ pocket and nodding, not letting the alarm dampen the mood.

“Yeah! I just... have alarms for whenever I probably should change or get ready for dinner at the palace.” I explain with a little laugh. “As I was saying, uh...” I’m trying to remember what I was going to say a few seconds ago, but I’ve completely lost my train of thought.

“Okay honestly, thank you for the moral support.” I decide to thank Jackson again for being there, then I lower my voice jokingly, “Julianna... kinda did scare me.”

Hmmm, maybe that’s why I was stumbling over my words initially.

Jackson chuckles at that, “She’s a bit intimidating at first, but there’s nothing to be afraid of. She loved you.” I laugh lightly and try to shrug it off.

Then he gestures to the phone in my pocket.

“I guess I should um, be getting you back now?”

I nod slowly, feeling a little sad that I was already leaving the shelter. I think I’ve enjoyed myself here way more than I expected.

“Are you sure it’s too much to ask from you?” I wanted to make sure that he was alright with it, knowing that he was going to come back here anyway. He’s already done so much for me already.

He tilts his head. “Driving you to the palace? No, of course not.” A growing smile appears on his face.

“I’d love to.”

His smile seems to put me at ease, so I loop my arm around his and smile to him.

“Then I guess we better get going, Mister Jackson Graham.”

Jackson doesn’t say anything, only keeping his smile to me and leading the way back. 

[harmandy]

—- ☼ (keri russell, forty-one, cis female, she/her.) have you met HARMONY ANDREWS? they’ve been living in PEARL HEIGHTS for ELEVEN YEARS now, but are originally from ESSEX. you can catch them working as a RECEPTIONIST, which makes sense as they’re GOOD-NATURED and OPTIMISTIC, as well as OVER-PROTECTIVE, and HOT-HEADED. keep an eye out for them! (ooc: pace, 21+, gmt, she/her)

hi, friends ! y’all can call me pace, and you may remember me from such roles as ‘admin that calls everybody her pals and uses too many exclamation marks’ ! i’m super excited to get bayhaven up and running ( and hopefully thriving ! ) and writing with your glorious muses ! i’m also playing FREYA and SOFIA, and their intros should be up just after this one ! so, in the words of shania twain, let’s go girls ! p.s i’m famously bad at intros at the best of times, but i’ve been wrestling a migraine for the last few days and i’m actually writing these up early and scheduling them; i’m hoping to be around, but want to be prepared for if i can’t be. so i gotta be honest, these are all a lil rushed, but hopefully they give a vague idea and enough of a gist !

ABOUT:

so, harmony’s actually a lot of fun for me -- she actually started as an npc from a different character’s background, and i just grew really attached to her ! i loved harmony as a concept and as a character, so thought it was about time i played her properly ! so, i revived her ( did i mention she was always dead before ? my gal was always dead before oopsie ) and here she is !

she’s a receptionist up at bayhaven’s hospital, so sometimes works funky hours, and has four smashing lil’ children ! i say children,,, two of them are grown adults, but... her kids !!! she’s dedicated her life to those little demons !

harmony is a chocolate loving, pasta making, scrapbooking, junk journal doing, laundry folding, zero-luck-with-love-having, legend, and she just has a lot of love to give.

i miiiiight be open to putting up wc’s for the two oldest kids at some point ( with like lots of wiggle room and ofc as Different characters than the ones i’ve developed before ) but i’ll have to see ! i keep flip-flopping between wanting to and not so i feel like that’s a ‘i should think on it and see how things go’ kinda sign !

i tried to whip up a a condensed rundown of her backstory, her kids and how they came to be, etc. but it got so long and rambly. however, i’ve copy and pasted the bullet points and whacked them HERE instead if you’re curious, especially while her full biography is a wip !

so she’s a mother of four to nevaeh ‘nev’, faith, harvey, and avalon ‘ava’ and they range from aged six to age twenty-four. she had her eldest at seventeen, and has been cut off from the rest of her family ever since. 

however, her aunt didn’t plan on dying when she did, so hadn’t gone over her will recently ---- if she had, she may have realised that she never took harmony out of it, and harms inherited her house in bayhaven when her youngest child ( at the time ) was four, and she and her family have lived together in pearl heights ever since. 

she loves the community in pearl heights. she loves that everyone seems to have eachother’s backs, and actually like she fits in somewhere. they have a nice lil four bedroom house ( or three bedrooms and a box, as she calls it ) and since the arrival of harm’s fourth and final kid six years ago, and w/ nev being older, they converted the loft into an extra bedroom, so nev sleeps in the attic like a rat !

she’s a busy bee, tbh ! she works full time, has a herd of youngens to keep track of, loves cooking so makes nice hearty, homey meals almost every night, has a Very precise laundry routine, and she’s a creative lil fuck ?? really into bullet journaling but also making junk journals and loooooooves a scrapbook. 

she’s a very sort of No Nonsense lady. she just doesn’t have time or tolerance for bullshit anymore, life’s too short and she’s had enough shit thrown at her. 

however, her heart is Big. her life is dedicated to her kidsies, but she’s always known for taking in strays. a mate of her kids’ need to stay ? okay cool lemme grab you a blanket and the guest pj’s. her house is very Busy, like all the time. everyone is welcome at all times. friends over for dinner !!!! extra kids running around because harm is absolutely nuts and probably thought ava having three friends over would be fiiiine !

she has stats !

as well as a pinterest board !

CONNECTION IDEAS:

friends friends friends !!!

neighbours !!

friends thru their kids ?? her kids are 24, 21, 15, and 6, so if other folks have kids near those ages ! yeehaw !

youngens she’s basically adopted because she’s such a ‘your parents suck ? i’m your mum now’ person tbh.

harmony has such potential for angst and i’m always for it my guys. 

EXTRAS:

i know bayhaven exists in a wonderful world where the dreaded c-word ( no, not that one -- not that one either... ) doesn’t exist, but we’re sadly not so lucky, so i hope everybody is keeping well and looking after themselves, and that bayhaven can function as a nice distraction, as well as a creative outlet and something to fill the time !

i usually am a ‘i love rp icons, i love gif icons, i love gifs, use whatever and i’ll match’ kinda person, but two out of the three fc’s i’m using are ones i didn’t have a folder for before the rp, and keri has zero gif icons until i make some ! i’m workin’ on it ! but she’s beeeeautiful and has lots of gifs and some rp icons, and i’d be happy to make more in the future too, so we’re goin’ with it for now !

i’m a small text gal, but if you wanna make it bigger when reblogging our threads, you’ll get no complaints from me ! the only thing i ask is that bold/italic text is left alone and not reformatted, as they’re almost always used as ( in the wise words of josh peck ) emphasis, when it comes to me !

a bit too personal, but i’m actually currently coming off my adhd meds, and one of the things i’ve noticed, is that i find spotting typos harder and that kind of thing, so if we could just Bear With, i’d really appreciate it ! it also makes me forgetful as sin in the short-term, so again, please just !!! bear with !!! and patience is reaaaallly appreciated !

[rookieskrp]

🎉HAPPY 6TH BIRTHDAY, ROOKIES 🎉

On December 9th, 2013, Rookies as we know it was created. We’re so happy to be able to celebrate six years of Rookies with you all!

First of all, we want to express our greatest thanks to the members, past and present, for making Rookies what it is. We’re also grateful for the previous staff members for giving us such a great foundation to build upon, and for inspiring and encouraging us in our journey to become the mods you know us as today. None of this would’ve been possible without any of you!

None of the current mods are the mods that started Rookies. Once upon a time, we were all members just like you, and we grew into our current positions. We’ve seen so much growth like that in the past six years, and we’re so happy to be here for it.

As each anniversary goes on, it’s so easy to take them for granted. In actuality, making it to six years is a spectacular feat, and one we’re incredibly proud of, though we can’t take too much credit. The credit largely goes to all of you, the members, for loving Rookies and your muses. Thank you so much for joining us in RK’s journey, no matter how short or long your stay.

Thankfully, that journey isn’t over! We have many things planned for 2020, and we hope you’re as excited for them as we are. In the meantime, this day, and this week, is one for celebration. As per tradition, all of the mods have some thoughts on this day under the cut. Thank you for everything Rookies, always.

(P.S: If you didn’t see on the activity check, you can collect six points this week instead of three.)

🎉BIANCA 🎉

every year is like this, but i can never believe that a whole other one has passed! i had to go check because my baby brain managed to forget, but i became a mod all the way back in 2017 before i even completed a year as a member, and i was only 17. each year i grow a bit more, both in rookies and outside. from that high schooler who joined an rp without much thought, now i’m 20 and three years deep in college. from doing my first big event in 2018, this year i started taking care of all events with the departure of both mira and sera. i’m ever so thankful for the new mod additions we got and who helped me and the rest of the staff to get some weight out of our shoulders. thank you to all the members who were part of our year and those who took part in our events! look forward to what we have in store for next year! i’m looking forward to what you’re all going to do with your muses as well! happy sixth anniversary and to many more from here!

🎉CARLY 🎉

i don’t even know where to begin. it feels like the past year has gone by so quickly, and like our fifth anniversary was lifetimes ago at the same time. what needs to come first is my upmost gratitude for giving us six years of rk, definitely. i always tell the story: when i first joined rk on december 22nd, 2013, i was really overwhelmed and thought i was going to leave within my first two weeks. i never in a million years imagined i would end up becoming mod carly in november 2015, and then that i would go on to be the longest standing staff member in rk’s history (alongside kyle.)

thank you for giving me that. yes, i’ve put a lot into rk, but that’s only because you all did first. i couldn’t have gotten through any year of modding, let alone running rk, without your love and enthusiasm for the roleplay, and support of me, not just as a mod, but as as a person. rk has been so huge in my life. y’all make me a better mod, and more importantly, a better person, every day. i will always be thankful to you and the things i’ve learned from you and i will never forget it or the time we’ve spent together in these six years.

i fear that all of this has a looming feeling of finality, and honestly, it does. there will be more in a coming announcement, but as you know, i recently took some time away to think and i’m coming back to my role as a mod knowing i’ll be leaving the team sometime in 2020. that means this will be the last one of these anniversary messages i get to type up for one of these posts. there’s so much i could say, but i think i’ll save a lot of it for an announcement at a later date, because i hope to make some more good memories in the coming year before my time as rk’s head of relations ends for good. more importantly, this is a time for MUCH celebration!! it’s only right that my message here does just that!!

i know this year in rk’s history was a difficult one (for all of us, i’m sure, but certainly for me) but thank you all so much. thank you for loving rk as much as you have, and for continuing to through all of the ups and downs. thank you for your amazing characters, and choosing rk as their home. thank you for all of your dedication and creativity and heart. thank you for the members that have taken their leave, too, for leaving their mark on rookies and being part of our six years. thank you for letting me be a part of all of this, and for trusting me with your problems and heartaches over the years. thank you for letting me help you, and letting me learn from my mistakes when i fail to do that.

running rk has been the greatest honor of my life, and will continue to be until i don’t run it anymore, and move on to things that will have to fight to mean more to me than this has. until then, i look forward to the coming year, and the inevitable next anniversaries that i get to spend as a member along with all of the rest of you. i love you with all of my heart, rookies. thank you, thank you, thank you ♡

🎉GAB 🎉

hello lovelies, it’s gab here! compared to some of you, i’ve only been here for a short period of time (two years is still a lot when i think about it) and your enthusiasm, commitment and love for your muses has always been something that amazed me. it’s contagious and it was one of the reasons why i applied to be a mod and what makes me excited to plan events out and face the challenges now as a mod. each and every one of you is super important for making rookies what it is and, if it wasn’t for you, maybe i wouldn’t have had the chance to find a place for muses i love dearly, met amazing people and gotten the opportunity to join this team. as a member and mod, thank you for being part of this journey with me and i hope to continue creating fun events and more development for your babies next year! please look forward to 2020 for more adventures and good memories! i love you all ♥

🎉KEITH 🎉

happy sixth anniversary, rookies! ♡ it’s been a whirlwind of a year so far, and i think it goes without saying that we’re so thankful to have you here with us. your endless support for our community and the way that you champion for us through your enthusiasm and eagerness to be here is something that will constantly motivate me to do better. i know that i’m lacking in so many ways but i hope to always do my best in every task that i’m given so that i can properly give back to you. i know that we have a lot of exciting things waiting to take flight within the next year and i’m looking forward to seeing how it would all unfold for us! i’ll always be humbled that you chose to be here and grateful that i’ve met the most amazing of peoples through this roleplay. i love you, rookies and happy merry sixth from me to everyone 🎉💖🎊

🎉KYLE 🎉

Hello Rookies!  I just want to say thank you for being here with us no matter if you've been here a week or for all six years we've been around!  I know a lot, probably the majority, of you probably don't know me aside from my welcome messages when you first bring in your wonderful muses, as I do have a tendency to stick to myself. Even so, I want to let you know that I'm always happy to see you all enjoying yourselves and love seeing all the love you have for your characters and I hope that RK can be a place that everyone can continue on for years to come.  So, happy sixth anniversary and thank you for everything.

🎉LARI 🎉

tbh this feels kind of weird?? to be in this post and write this message for all of you to read as a part of the team… it hasn’t been that long since i joined the mod team alongside gab and i have to admit that sometimes it still feels surreal to me. that all of this really happened, that i applied and actually made it and got picked for the team — i think in about two days it’s been exactly six months since i joined the team. since i got added to the mod server, got introduced to my tasks as bandaid mod but i still remember waking up to carly’s messages informing me that i got picked like it just happened. 

last year i was sitting in front of my laptop reading the mods anniversary messages and now i’m writing one of those myself. for all of you. as a mod. i’m— 😳😳

it still makes me really happy and i’m very glad, i’m very thankful. because i like being a mod. actually, i love it. i love the team, i love updating our lists, i love helping out and being able to be there for all of you whenever you have problems or need a helping hand. i love thinking and discussing ways to make this roleplay a long-lasting and better experience for all of you. and using this chance to speak honestly with all of you i came partially from a place where, before i joined, i had sympathy and understanding for the mods but still sometimes found myself thinking that they’re not doing enough for the roleplay. that there’s not enough action, not enough effort and i doubted certain decisions but then i became part of the team and i was so lucky to get to see how passionate the team is. each and every one of them. how dedicated they are, how thoughtful. and how hard they work at all times for all of you.

that’s all they think about.

so i’m also writing this here with a small wish: be kind to them. be kind to us. they do their best— we do our best, we work hard for you and we always will. we love you. 

and we’re glad you’re here.

thank you for sticking around with us it’s been a hard year, i know. what i’ve experienced in these few months i’ve been a mod has been harsh as much as it has been fun. but i hope and believe that it all can make us grow. motivate us to enjoy our time here together even more. i appreciate every moment i’ve had here in rookies — as a mod and as a member of nearly four years — and i’m looking forward to each moment to come, to every other year we get to spend together. so.. thank you so much, whether you’ve been with us for years. for months. for weeks or simply for days. thank you so much even if you’re not around anymore. thank you so much! i hope this year in rookies has good things in store for all of us, for all of you! ♥

🎉UME 🎉

hiya Babies, issa me! i can’t believe, or well -- i can believe that we’ve hit six years this year! everyone has worked so hard to make rookies the place it is today and it’s all thanks to you guys! while this year has definitely brought a lot of joy, a lot of pain, and a lot of stress ; i just want to thank, thank, thank you guys for sticking with us through thick and thin! we still have a long way to go with everything and we hope to improve in whatever way we can! it’s been a long six years and we hope to have many more. i appreciate every single one of you! and i hope to bring you more pretty graphics in the future! ( sorry the rkmain update is late, been a busy bee irl but rest assured, it should come soon ( hopefully before the new year begins! )) again, six cheers to six years and i wish for newer, brighter things for you and your muses, rookies! 💞🥰😘💞

[theannaredfield]

(Okay, I’m a man of my word.

Disclaimer; This would either be rated M or T so viewer discretion is advised. Blood, gore, torture, strong language and the implication of bare titties.) (Also I don’t own RE or J.A.D.E (J.A.D.E is owned by @goat-and-tiefling )) (Also this was based off an RP I did like 3 to 4 years ago, with no documentation of the original. All based on memory and had to incorporate all things that happened symultaniously.)

Operation: Snowfall.

It was two in the morning when Ace woke up, and noticed his fiancé out of bed. She was over by the dresser, the moon cascading over her bare back as she talked into the phone.

“We’ll meet there in a half hour boys, okay?” She said, before hanging up on Devin and Shane, grabbing a bra. Ace walked up behind her, his giant form completely blocking her own. He wrapped his arms around her midsection and kissed her neck softly, whispering into her ear,

“You shouldn’t go...”

“I know.... I’ll be back by noon though, I’m sure...” She turned today him slowly, moving her whole body so she was facing him, pulling him down into a soft kiss, “I’ll be okay, Ace...” She whispered, her hands tracing his chest. He sighed and sat on the bed, watching her. He knew he couldn’t stop her, but he couldn’t help but worry.

“I love you, Anna...” He’d feel terrible if he didn’t say that and something happened to her...

Meanwhile, Shane kissed the sleeping Jackie and Alex’s cheek, smiling at his wife and youngest son. He knew leaving without a word was wrong, but he didn’t want to stress her out more than she already endured. It wasn’t until he felt her grasp his wrist that he knew she was up,

“Be safe baby... please...” He gave her a bright smile and a nod, reassuring her that he would be okay. Sadly his positivity could only hide his own fear so much. He didn’t know why, but he, Anna and Devin felt pulled to that place. They felt they needed to investigate it. So they went in the middle of the night.

~~~

Six hours passed with nothing. All communications were seemingly cut. After much begging, Dustin, Joslin, DJ and Becca decided they’d go and check first. Jackie and Ace were reluctant to let them go, but before they left, Ace gave Rebecca a parting gift.

“A bracelet?” The young brunette asked confused, her step-father chuckling.

“Don’t worry, it’ll keep you safe. It’s got a surprise for when you need it most.” He said, giving her a kiss on the forehead before they departed. Leaving Ace and Jackie with a pit in their stomach that this was all about to go horribly wrong.

~~~

Anna, Devin, and Shane didn’t know what they were walking into. The building was so dark, they could barely see in front of them. They came into a big open room, and before they could react, they were all knocked out.

Anna opened her eyes slowly, feeling her arms and legs restrained above and below her. She could see the chains holding her legs down, and looking to the side, she could see Shane and Devin’s arms suspended above them. She figured she must’ve been in the same situation. However she tried to break free, until a young voice of a woman rang out,

“I wouldn’t try that if I were you~” She giggled,

“Who’s there?!” Anna asked out, not seeing anyone in front of her. The room was pretty dark, and it had no windows.

“Oh~ you could just consider me a ghost.” She walked forward, her bare feet barely making a sound on the cement flooring. She was a small girl, but her blonde hair reached her midsection. She wore a purple, knee length dress, and a choker with a red diamond attached. Anna didn’t understand what this girl meant, or who she was. A ghost of what? Of who? Ghosts???? The girl opened her eyes, a sharp gaze meeting Anna’s, and then the girl smirked. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet you, Ms. Redfield~” she crossed her arms slowly, having a whole seductive way of moving.

“I... don’t follow?” She asked, trying to get the younger woman’s name. She looked no older than 20, but claimed to know Anna. She giggled, rolling her eyes,

“Of course you don’t, dumbass~! We’ve never met! For a trio of astounding military personnel, you guys are pretty stupid. My name... is Alessa Wesker. You might know my dumb sister, Christina. No?” She smiled. That’s when the resemblances kicked in. But, she had never seen this girl before... how could Christina have a sister, let alone said sister be alive?! Anna’s train of thought was cut short by the wave of electricity brought on by a control panel. The violent shock awoke Shane and Devin, bringing them aware to their predicament. Alessa sat down at the panel, giggling,

“Who the fuck are you!?” Devin barked, pushing his body as forward as he could. Anna turned to him and filled him in, Shane’s eyes widened in horror at the situation he was in yet again,

“N-no no we have to get out of here!” He panicked, only for their conversation to be cut short by another controlled shock.

“Shut it! All of you! We’re here to have a little fun, got it? Now, we’re gonna play a game called “whoever dies last wins!” My sister would be so proud.” She giggled before turning on the machine again, watching as the three writhed in pain from the electricity going through their body. She turned it off for a second, the three panting. “It’s quite a shame, I don’t actually have any reason to kill you. But this is fu-... well what do we have here?” She cooed, looking at a monitor. Anna, Devin and Shane began to wonder if it was Ace, Jackie and Cherry, only for the answer to leave them more horrified,

“Children... your rescue.. is a bunch of little kids~” She laughed manically, watching the feed of the four children wander the facility, “And if it isn’t... what was it... AAG202B?”

“His name is Dustin!” Shane snapped, damn near snarling at Alessa, who just gave another shock to the three. Anna began to realize how bad the situation was getting, before Alessa could even say anything. She continued to struggle to break the chains, while Alessa turned off the machine.

“Well, I might was well go see how good these kids are~ How well they’ll face against the tyrant. I’ll be sure to make sure you can hear everything from here. Toodles~!” She began to walk away, her hips swaying the skirt as she moved. Anna, in a fit of unchecked strength, managed to break free and charged at Alyssa, going to grab her. However the attempt was futile. Once Anna got close, Alessa turned around and stabbed her right between two of her ribs.

“Bitch...” Anna muttered after a sharp gasp, looking down and seeing the knife. Alessa drove it in deeper, giggling.

“You’re really easy to kill as long as you think your opponent is unarmed, huh?” She whispered, ripping the knife out and allowing Anna to fall to the floor. She curled her toes and as Anna looked up, she received a harsh kick right to the face. Focusing on Anna, she didn’t notice Devin or Shane get loose. Both charged at her and both failed in actually tacking her. In a swift move, she violently pushed Shane into the wall, and his shoulder right into a sharp pipe, penetrating through his bone and skin. Devin was pushed right into the electric shock machine and was electrocuted until his body fell motionless onto the floor. Shane screamed out in both pain and worry. Anna lifted her head slowly looking up at the distracted girl, who was too busy soaking in all the pain she was bringing, a sadistic smile to her awful face. Out of seemingly no where, Anna moved enough to grab the monster’s ankle and bit harshly into it,

“Ow! You fucking cunt!” Alessa cried as she pulled Anna off by the hair and smashed her face back into the pavement. She began to kick the woman’s head until it bled, and she laid motionless in a pool of her own blood. She looked over and saw Shane and Devin were also passed out from their injuries. It brought a smug smile to her face as she walked back over to the dash to notice, not only were the children doing... decently against the tyrant, but that other people had arrived...

~~~

After loosing contact with the kids, and Blizzard. Ace activated the tracker in the bracelet and, with Desdemona and Echo, him and Jackie rushed over to that facility in the woods, weapons in tow. Each person checked a different floor, Ace following after the kids. He came to a large open room and saw them fighting against an inhuman beast almost as tall as him. It grabbed Becca by the head and when Ace went to shoot it, it moved to use her as a shield. She screamed out in pain and in a paternal panic, Ace dropped the gun and ran at the thing grabbing his child and punching the things head into a wall.

“D..dad..?” She whispered out quietly, looking up at him. DJ, Joslin, and Dustin slowly stood up, also injured from the punches of the beast. Ace held Becca close as he lead the kids to safety, keeping an eye out for any monsters. He had to get Becca to a hospital, and fast... but couldn’t leave before finding Anna. He brought them outside to Cherry, who was acting as the medic for the time being. Knowing they were safe, he traveled back in.

~~~

Jackie gasped out in horror when she opened the door and saw the carnage in front of her. She called to Ace over the radio, saying she found them before running over and checking on Anna first. She turned the girl over, clearing her face of the blood. She had a few cuts in her face and an obvious broken nose. Maybe even a fractured skull. Ace ran in, along with Des who noticed Shane and Devin as well.

“Oh fuck! Annagail!” Ace cried as he ran over, dropping to his knees and taking his lover into his arms, shaking her lightly. Looking for any sign of life. He felt her pulse to feel almost nothing. It horrified him... she was dying...

Jackie ran over to Shane, shaking him gently to see if he’d wake up. He opened his eyes slightly, panting and wincing in pain,

“H-hey Jackie... uh... What are you doing here..?” He asked softly before screaming out in pain as she pulled him off the pipe,

“Saving your ass! What the hell happened?!” She asked, panicked as she tried to cover the gaping hole in his right shoulder. He panted out,

“Alessa.. Wesker kidnapped us... beat up Anna... jesus this hurts...” He muttered before passing out from his injuries. Jackie whined out in terror as she picked him up, carrying him over to Ace and Anna. She... was still unresponsive, and Ace was damn near tears.

“Anna... Anna please wake up...” he muttered, shaking her. Des, who was now carrying Devin on her back, suggested that maybe she had blood stuck in her lungs. Ace didn’t understand what she was getting at until it clicked... He was hesitant at first, but Echo brought over Josephine in a hurry.

“Wha happen ta mommy??!” She cried out in horror at the sight of her near death mother. Ace, trying not to show how absolutely horrified he was, explained,

“Josie... sweetie, I need you to move the blood out of mommy’s lungs okay? Like how you move the water out of the faucet..” Ace pleaded. He knew she could manipulate anything with water in it, but blood in a human wasn’t the same. She began to panic, repeating how she couldn’t. Ace slowly put a hand on her shoulder and just... talked to her, “Breathe honey... you can do this.. just focus on moving it out of her lunges and to her mouth okay? Breathe... Mommy needs you to do this...” He comforted. Soon the child understood, and slowly, she felt the blood move along, up and up until...

Ace quickly moved Anna to her back as she began to cough up the blood violently, vomiting it up until there was no more. For now. Ace pulled Anna into his arms and held his grip firm on the stab wound.

“You okay..?” He asked,

“Feel like ass...” She said weakly, before passing back out. Ace picked both her and Josie up before he, Des and Jackie moved the unconscious trio to the helicopter, which would transport them all to the hospital.

~~~

“How the hell did she not die?!” Alessa whispered, watching from the corner before turning back and going to walk down the hall. That’s when she came face to face with a lilac haired boy. He was taller than her, but seemingly had no eyes. At least none that she could see behind his hair. He was silent. “What the hell...?” She questioned, before stepping back slowly, “What the hell are you?! Stay the fuck away from me!” She cried out as panic began to fill her body, she turned to run back down the hall, but was grabbed and pulled into his chest, she looked up just as he moved his hair, his eyes meeting hers. She screamed out in horror not only at the pain, but also because she was terrified. She didn’t know what was happening... With that, everything became very fuzzy before turning to a black nothingness...

[diveronarpg]

Congratulations, ART! You’ve been accepted for the role of EDMUND with an approved FC change to Max Irons. Admin Minnie: I knew this was a winner while reading your plots Art, but it was your para sample that really left me speechless. The way you showed us how he had suffered and how he had ached, all that bitterness and resentment and ambition and pride... it was so clear how deep your love for Edmund goes. I am thrilled to see someone with such an intimate, intense grasp on Easton’s soul. Please stay forever, and please ruin us for the rest of your life! Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Art

Age | 19

Preferred Pronouns | He/him

Activity Level | Well here’s the thing about quarantine. I will be spending the next two-three months in a house, all day, every day, with consistent access to a laptop. I also lost my job and because the US economy is a flaming pile of garbagé, I don’t imagine getting another any time soon, especially since all my skills are in food. All this to say, I believe I will be incredibly active, outside of my Skype’d classes and grocery runs and whatnot.

Timezone | MST

How did you find the rp?  | A discord friend DM’d it to me after I went on a rant about Edmund and the layers to his “Thou, Nature, art my Goddess” soliloquy. They know me so well, and acceptances were literally in like six hours from when I got the link, so I sat my butt down, put down my real-world obligations for a moment, and typed this whole thing out like I was writing an unstarted essay due at midnight.

Current/Past RP Accounts | All my old RP writing is from years ago and is, frankly, really really bad. Thank you for making this optional.

IN CHARACTER

Character | Edmund or Easton Craven. I love Daniel Sharman’s wonderful, gorgeous face with my whole heart (hello gay awakening), but I’d like to use Max Irons instead, if at all possible.

What drew you to this character? | So, my love of Easton/Edmund actually began about a year ago, when I cut my hair and started playing around with names and different clothes. I was in a Shakespeare class at my college, and it was a requirement that we perform a monologue. It didn’t need to be Broadway-worthy, we just needed to deliver it, and we could do this as often as we liked. I performed two. One from a play we had read and analyzed, as my professor asked, and I did another. That second one was Edmund’s “Thou, Nature” soliloquy. It was the first time I performed as a guy to an audience that thought I was a guy, not a girl playing dress up. So I have a really strong emotional connection to Edmund, regardless of the form he’s in.

I was really excited by this particular version of him, however, because I thought it played right along the line of a monstrous asshole and charming young man doing what he can to deal with the hand dealt to him. He’s both of those things, to me, and I really enjoyed that you brought that forward. Edmund, from the source, reminds me of Chris Evans’ character from Knives Out, in a way? Completely self-motivated, selfish and cruel, and yet really fun and charming, as long as it isn’t you he’s screwing over at the time. I know he isn’t that character and I’m honestly really glad for it. I just found a similarity there.

I just really like those kinds of characters in fiction, and that, combined with my emotional ties and vague debt to the source character, meant I arrived and started writing as fast as I could.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? |

These are all ideas, nothing here is set in stone, and are entirely dependent on the beauty of the other writers free will.

Some Twelve or Fourteen Moonshines Lag of a Brother: From the get-go of this awful experience known as the human existence, Easton has existed just slightly behind Everett, just enough to keep the guy freezing in the shadows. It’s the last name, the mannerisms, and the goddamn eyes that sit in his skull. It is a truth, acknowledged by both me and him, that there is an association to Easton he really wishes wasn’t there. This is why I want someone to look at Easton and see Easton, not a Craven.

Now, I want to pause here, and say that Easton is a lying snake of a man that would and probably will sell out his own family for one corn chip. He is completely self-centered, convinced of his superiority, and willing to bleed the world dry to get the pound of flesh he is owed. I want someone to see this, to realize there is a snake curled around the Capulet’s necks, willing to bite and kill every single one of them if it means he gets to sit comfortably on a throne of gold and bones. Because that is what he wants, he wants the world to pay for every second of misery he endured in his life. But he is charming, slippery in the way only the truly awful can be. He’s accepted the labels thrown at him and become them, which is its own kind of armor. Who doesn’t love a bad boy?

But beyond all that, he is rotten through and through. I’d like his armor to crack and reveal the duplicity underneath, maybe around someone like Maeve or Catherine, someone that might not be believed right away. I love the idea of Easton being the wolf among some very dangerous sheep, but the really, truly awful ones not realizing. This could produce a really fun dance, where the two parties involved both try really really hard to overthrow or remove the other from their position while still trying really hard to maintain a veil of normality.

But that dance is what makes this all so terribly fun. They’re on a rock, doomed to eventually die, and Easton wants his power, but why can’t he play a few games while trying to get it?

I Grow, I Prosper: Easton, poor guy, was brought into the world and then spent the next twenty-six years being told his existence and all the things that came with it were his fault. They weren’t, or at least they weren’t in the way he had been told his entire life. He has learned to move past the label of “bastard” or “illegitimate”, meeting all such claims with the certainty that he must act the part. But does his position fulfill him? Does his current lot in life spark joy? I think not! He is a captain, yes, but so is his brother. He is, at best, on equal footing with his brother and at worst, he is the younger brother desperately following behind Everett as a living shadow yet again. Easton needs to be more than Everett. He’s wanted this his entire life. The whole city needs to look at Easton and see him, not his brother, and then Easton wants to rub it in Everett’s face, lord it over him for the next century at the shortest. That is the general idea behind this plot: Everett surpassing and overcoming his brother. The fact that he’d end up lording over so many others is really just a plus!

This plot would require effort. Loads and LOADS of plotting and communication on my part, and a whole lot of cutthroat, stepping-on-literally-everyone-else-in-Verona from Easton. He is going to have to exploit the hell out of Celeste and the information she can get him, potentially leading to her downfall just so Easton can succeed. He will need Rafaella and Tiberius to trust him almost unconditionally, which, just from what I’ve seen poking around the main, seems pretty much impossible. And of course, he has to successfully and continually one-up Everett, which might be the hardest job of all, given the whole awful tangle of EmotionsTM that Easton has towards him. It’s hard for him to be clear-headed when he wants to tear Everett into little tiny pieces with his bare hands.

But hey, that is, again, the whole point of this plot: the destruction of the legitimate son. Eliminating the sun so the moon can rule 24/7.

My Services are Bound: No matter how ambitious, how desperate Easton is to rule the world, he doesn’t yet. He works for the Capulets and he is a tool used to further the wishes of those above him in this terribly illegal food chain where dog eats dog. No matter how much Easton wishes it was different, it isn’t, at least not at the moment, and he must bide his time until something better happens.

Yes, Easton is a tool, and I want him to be reminded of that. He has the ambition to rule the world, can picture himself with a crown he may never hold, but he is a knight on the chessboard. I want his ego to be checked, I want him to be taken down at the knees and reminded of the situation he is in, who he works for. Now, ideally, this would come from the Capulet family themselves and not a rogue Montague or something.

The Capulet family, in order to win this war they’ve found themselves in, need their tools to be obedient and ready to deploy at a moment’s notice. This is not the case with Easton. He’s a rebellious man, more loyal to himself than any of the lofty ideas the Capulet heads have surrounded themselves with. So the family he serves would need to get Easton back in line, somehow. They’d need to remind him who he is and whom he serves no matter what it took and use whatever tools at their disposal. This could potentially happen after Easton completely blows off a mission he was handed to advance his own agendas, which I think would probably be the best choice as it would probably send these awful shrieking sirens off in the Capulets.

I want this particular plot because Easton is so assured that he will be able to make the world pay and yet he’s just one man against so very many others.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | Oh most definitely. As a writer, I am a firm believer in conditional happy endings, probably because I play so many video games. In order to get a happy ending, in order to survive, the character has to do all the right things. The likelihood of Easton doing all the right things is just tiny, absolutely microscopic.  

IN DEPTH

I was going to do both, but I’m running out of time so…

In-Character Para Sample:

There is something beautiful in standing alone, where there are no silent reminders of how Easton arrived in this world, how he stepped into it screaming and no one cared to change that. There were no side-eyes, reminding him of how unwanted he was, how utterly unworthy he was to bear the name “Craven”. No hands hiding giggles at the boy his mother ran from and his father hid away. Here, under the bowed ceiling in the transept of the Capulet’s cathedral, there was only him and God.

“I hope,” Easton began, fingers lightly running across the back of a pew likely not used for praying, “that you know what is coming.” The eyes that proclaim a taint to his family’s name were raised to dance across the ceiling. “If word is to be believed, you, an old man in the sky, a Father,” he spat out, “brought me here. Placed me here upon this Earth to do whatever it is I so wish.” A smile, small and dangerous with heavy promises was birthed on his face, an expression that could not have been more familiar to his muscles. “I suppose that’s all a father has ever done for me. Perhaps,” he mused, lightly tapping his chin as he continued to wander aimlessly among the seats of a flock absent. “Perhaps I should be grateful that both You and him are both so delightfully hands-off.”

“I suppose this rock is where You chose to put all Your bastards, isn’t it? Shoved them away from Your kingdom, making them fight for their place in Your home despite them all being Your children?” The noise that escaped Easton’s mouth was not fit for the place he stood in, but it hardly seemed to matter to him as he collapsed into a pew, feet raised to rest on a Bible, feet that had stood in a man’s blood not hours before. “I suppose that must be how it is, because we’re all made in Your image, aren’t we? And that man had to learn it from somewhere.”

His head fell back, eyes closed to the beauty above him in a silent condemnation for Who it was built for. “You’ve released yet another snake into your garden by making that woman my mother and handing me the Craven name, you know.” The observation was quiet, laced with the bitterness of cyanide, perfected over years of similar declarations. The words were familiar, not on his tongue but rather to his mind, the idea similar to ones he had kept close for years.“I have crawled in the dirt on my stomach for too long because of You, and I shall take a throne and dare You to steal it from me.”

He inhaled, once, a desperate attempt to calm the words he could feel rising like acid in his throat. It didn’t work, though Easton didn’t try very hard. He rarely did when alone. “I am owed this, you miserable old bastard,” he hissed out from behind his teeth, sounding like the snake he had just claimed to be. “I will take everything because this is Your fault, and I will make your precious sheep pay for every inch of Your mistake. It’s mine, I deserve it.” A hand was clenched into a fist in his lap and Easton shifted forward, only to slam it into the wood of the pew ahead of him. “It’s mine.”

He stood suddenly, coat rising around him like smoke rising around a fire, warning the world of the danger just over there. Turning on his heel, he left the cathedral without a look back, without a fear of God. And though there had been no one around, the air hung heavy with a question. Just which father had he been addressing?

Extras: If you have anything else you’d like to include (further headcanons, an inspo tag, a mock blog, etc), feel free to share it here! This is OPTIONAL.

I submitted this through an Easton mock blog! There was going to be stuff there but my laptop crashed and I need to eat dinner!

[hellsbovnd-archive]

dossier.

individual lf rp posts will be made for each character. this is simply an alternate dossier created for ease of access. i guess you can reblog this if you want, but more useful info is on the individual lf rp posts. last updated: 09/14/2019

check out my plot wishlist too!

Leonnaux Altoix  — The Hidden Ace

status: active (main); open for rp, in-game preferred server: balmung (crystal dc) connections: alizarine  «INK» (@alizarinefc), ebonguard - no legacy (@ebonguardls)

For all practical purposes a ghost, this Elezen only appears on public records as far back as three summers ago. It’s likely, then, that he’s chosen to live under an assumed name. He tends to use his appearance to his advantage, passing himself off as a Wildwood whenever it suits his interests—which, given the discrimination that Duskwights face, is more often than not.

He first stepped into the public’s eye as a small-time journalist—and, unbeknownst to all but those closest to him, the proprietor of The Cloak & Dagger (under the alias “Crow”). He is passionate about magicks and has a demonstrated talent for alchemy beyond what one may expect of a man who’s only twenty and one summers old. Shortly after founding The Cloak & Dagger, he retired from journalism to pursue academia full-time.

looking for: business contacts (academic/criminal), a mentor (tradecraft, magic), fellow shroud-born Duskwights links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Percival Rigel  — The Chief Mourner

status: semi-active; open for rp, tumblr preferred server: balmung (crystal dc)

Born to Ala Mhigans fleeing to Thanalan during the Mad King’s reign, Percival’s parents did everything in their power to ensure that her lifetime was one of opportunity rather than one of endless strife. Although her parents died in her teenage years at the hands of Amalj’aa bandits, their work for a trading company taught Percival all she needed to know about running a business—and brought her closer to the woman she would eventually marry, Ilyia Rigel.

However, their happiness was not to last; Iliya died during the Calamity. She was left in full their trading company, and while it is certainly in capable hands, Percival no longer finds any joy in running it and outsources this responsibility wherever possible. Now, at thirty and two summers, Percival finds herself called to horizons beyond the walls of Ul'dah.

looking for: business contacts (mercantile), rogues, fellow ala mhigans? links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Wren Leyland  — The Roundtable Rival

status: semi-active; open for rp, no preference server: balmung (crystal dc)

Where many would benefit from being tight-lipped about their pasts, Wren allows herself to be an open book—that is, if you don’t mind the fact that the story will change just about every time you ask. As a travelling bard, music follows Wren wherever she goes. All that’s really certain about her is that she’s not from around here, and that she’s rarely seen without her violin.

Bursting full of energy, Wren might strike others as a little strange. Those that do, however, would be well-advised to keep their opinions to herself; she has been barred entry from several taverns for inciting one too many brawls, and she has a mean streak when drunk. That said, keeping quiet might not do much good, since it’s just as likely that she’ll pick a fight for the thrill of it.

looking for: rivals, travelling companions, music enthusiasts links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Rosemund Blackthorne — The Final Heir

status: active; open for rp, no preference server: balmung (crystal dc)

Rosemund Blackthorne, born Rosemund de Valieroix, is an Ishgardian Elezen of 34 summers. The head of a house regarded as low nobility, Rosemund quickly plunged his house into debt. Rumors circulated about the family after Rosemund's father was tried for heresy by being thrown from Witchdrop, and in an effort to maintain the House Valieroix's outward social status, he tried to appeal to his peers with lavish gifts, which of course they accepted without giving him what he sought in return.

While the House's good name was cleared along with his father's post-mortem, Rosemund's faith in the church never recovered. Resolving that he could not stand by and watch a broken system prosper, Rosemund took up the sword of the Dark Knight in secret. Since then, he's wielded it to defend those who have no means to defend themselves—namely once-accused heretics and those of low social status, who despite Ishgard's various reforms, still face no shortage of discrimination from above.

looking for: fellow ishgardians, temple knights, noblemen, dark knights, heretics, fine wine and good spirits links: full bio | tag | lf rp

Janos jen Renata — The Imperial Nuisance

status: active; open for rp, in-game preferred server: balmung (crystal dc) 

The third of four sons, Janos has high expectations pushed onto him from a young age. His family name often preceding him (his two older brothers being officers in the military and his father being a high-ranking engineer), it might take a moment to realize that Janos himself is the family's black sheep. Having failed to even get into the Magitek Academy despite having a passion for working with machines and magitek, Janos instead became an Architectus in the military in order to serve his country and make his family proud.

Unfortunately, bad luck and poor judgement led to trouble following in his wake. Where his siblings are marked as loyal and accomplished, Janos himself is marked as negligent at best, and in six years of service, he failed to earn a single promotion or any recognition for his work whatsoever. He was continually reassigned, never working for too long on any one project and occasionally being moved to different posts altogether, and eventually was relegated to simple maintenance work. Now, as a result of circumstances unknown even to him, he's found himself in Eorzea: lost, homeless, and scared—but thankfully not alone.

looking for: fellow Garleans (loyalty optional), fellow engineers, business contacts (magitek component salvagers/etc) links: full bio | tag | lf rp

OOC Information

tracking: #hellsbovnd discord: emet-selch wears prada#5086 main blog: @penvmbral free company: @alizarinefc linkshell: @ebonguardls discord servers: FOR THE SKY (Ishgardian RP Community); COR AUT MORS (Garlean RP Community) pronouns: they/them timezone: NA, active during EST evenings/late nights preferences: med/heavy mature rp, generally lore-strict. 18+ players only. character and plot-driven. looking for: general plot-focused connections/friends! linkshell + discord communities!! i’m not really interested in being recruited to fcs because i happily lead my own but i’ll come hang out if you want company owo

please note that as an extremely goal-oriented rper, i do not enjoy jumping into interactions blind. please make sure that you have a character profile (carrd or tumblr posts only please; do not link me rpc wikis) and some plot hooks ready, and please come with an idea of which of my characters you’d like to interact with as well as which hooks, if any, you are interested in.

please also be aware that as i don’t like to jump into interactions blind, this does mean that i will expect to be able to actually plot out an interaction between our characters, such as the circumstances of meeting and the end-goal for the interaction (which should be more than “intro rp/makes a friend”).

if you are unwilling or unable to do this then i am going to have to pass. sorry!

In-game RP [ ✔ ] Discord RP [ DEPENDS... USUALLY NO ] Tumblr RP [ ✔ ]

unabridged ooc info here.

[elegant-etienne]

have you met any friends in RL from rp? How did that go?

Munday Story Time!

I’ve met so many it would be hard to name them all! When I try to do a loose tally, it’s probably around 30-40 RPers I’ve met IRL from the various RP communities I’ve been a part of in my 20+ years of online RP. I’ve met about seven FFXIV RPers, not counting people I met IRL at other nerdy events that wound up being Balmung RPers! So, it’s not easy to say what it’s been like in summary, aside from the fact that a majority - a large majority - of people are just wonderful and lovely when you meet them face to face. Sometimes even people who wind up behaving abominably online. One thing I can say with relative certainty is I don’t think I’ve really met a person involved with any of these communities who is ‘strictly’ neurotypical, which is something I carry with me in every interaction with new people online and off. The community is more diverse than you might believe at first blush, and a lot of marginalized folk gather here, not just those who navigate the world from different mental settings than is considered the default. Considering the core aspects of the hobby, I don’t find it surprising. 

I’ve met more nice people than creeps, but I have met a few creeps. Honestly, it’s hard to gauge when it’s appropriate to offer to give a hug, because like - a lot of the time these are people we’ve known for years online! And now we even voice-chat. I’ve met so, so many people who immediately felt like old friends after meeting them. After I’d traveled across the country to meet someone who promptly dumped me, I took a train on my own to visit some friends in our community. They looked at me and said, “You need a drink.” We had an amazing time, with both of them showing me great local spots and letting me just cry and sleep on their couch and be a mess and vent about the whole thing. To this day I have an open invitation to visit their city, even though we haven’t RPed with each other in probably six or seven years. We keep in touch a little, and I sincerely hope I get to see them again.

But I’ll never forget a particular guy (not in this community) who insisted on a hug after we happened to meet/chat at the bus stop. There was nothing particularly physically imposing to me, in fact I’m pretty sure if I’d thought about it I could’ve tackled him down like a linebacker, but I had a total-deer-in-the-headlights reaction.

Here’s more dirt behind the cut, and also toward the very, very end of the story, some discussion of some very disturbing abusive behavior. I will note it before it begins, in case you don’t want to read that part.

This guy was a textbook narcissist manipulator: nerd edition. He’d act like he was your best friend and always doing you a favor but it was clearly just a way to control others around him. He wasn’t exactly doing the ‘nice guy’ thing so much as trying to look good to everyone regardless of their gender and create a bubble of love around him, making a big show of how nice he was doing things that didn’t actually require much effort (like saying nice things or giving people gifts or doing them favors they did not ask for). But, lacking any magnetism or charisma, he instead used that ‘niceness’, and then when that didn’t work, feigned helplessness and the pity of others to get what he wanted. For me, he also tried to lean hard on a shared aspect of our identities is the LBQTIA community - ironically in the way a lot of people try to when they’re outside the community and don’t understand it. Like, bringing it up just to make positive and admiring remarks about it apropos of nothing! Thanks for outing me on the bus, asshole. Don’t bring up my name on social media in hopes that I’ll make you look more legit, I’m not here to fight people’s battles, and I don’t always agree. This was over a decade ago, I think these days we’d call him ‘fake woke.’

So yeah, to be around this person was just constant discomfort. And I don’t think he knew. I think he thought we were best friends, and I legit feared him having a huge, self-destructive public meltdown on social media (or just… in actual public) if I told him off, so, I just cringed and suffered through.

He and his gf absolutely abused all the goodwill of some mutual friends with whom they stayed during a local con they traveled to. They apparently bought the badges and the tickets to fly out (he’d left living local to me to live with the gf) and had no money whatsoever for food. When someone is visiting a city and intending to be out at an event for most of the time, one would expect they’d have a budget for food. Instead, they loudly martyred themselves over not having anything in hopes everyone else would pay their way. Naturally, the mutual friends bought them some groceries, but it wasn’t up to their standards. I’m not talking about “they accidentally bought things they were allergic to” but they were picky about brands and so on. AND, they still expected the friends they met at the con to treat them.

This cumulated in an event I sadly didn’t witness, which was him throwing a fit over wanting to eat somewhere aside from where everyone else wanted to, even though he was being treated. Later that night, he called asking if they could stay in my hotel room - probably because they could resent how close our friends were to telling them off - and I said a resounding no.

I wound up being the only person who could tolerate he and his gf’s presence the last day of the con. I think I took them to a cheap lunch. They both made a huge fuss about how they loved me so much on the bus. And I was like, can I get a helicopter to take me to safety. Fortunately I did not see him face-to-face after that.

Here’s where things get disturbing.

He wrote this post throwing a pity-party for himself, feeling like he was a bad person, for assaulting one of his cousins when they were both children (he was older), and people not understanding how sometimes things involving that subject matter triggered him. Nothing about anything he went through, only this thing he did. WHAT. Naturally the community lost their shit over it and he wound up getting blacklisted all over the place. In the end, I told him off too, that he had no right to keep begging people to be sympathetic to him, and that it was in fact abusive for him to go to victims of similar abuse (myself included) and ask this be overlooked and forgiven about him. If he cared about victims he would have tried to make his amends to his cousin and not gotten any strangers on the internet involved, it was HER story, not his to get attention from. He had no right to ask for ANYTHING from ANY victim.

Ironically he blocked me a week later (I have to admit I kept him followed just to see what depths he’d sink to, which wasn’t healthy), because I sarcastically told him he didn’t deserve special treatment and to be allowed to have his phone on him in a no-screens classroom because he felt anxious after having a dream that something bad to happen. So uh. Yeah. That’s the one I think about and do a full-body shudder. That and the guy who acted very nice to me and all of my friend’s faces and then cheated on my best friend by sexting with a woman from the RP community who had the internet persona of a misandrist lesbian. Ew to him too, but I don’t think he ever demanded a hug from me.

FTR many of us were worried about his gf, and over the years tried to contact her and see if she needed help. I want to say I messaged her but it was so long ago I don’t want to take credit for having done something like that if I only thought about it and didn’t. If I did message her, I don’t think she replied. I think eventually she got away from him, but I’ve been out of touch with that community for awhile.

[sing-in-me-oh-muse]

Top 5 Fics of 2020 by sagansjagger

Image credit.

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

Thanks for the tag, @silveryeet! 

I started writing MLB fanfiction after a ten-year writer’s block in April 2020. As of this writing, I’ve amassed 72 works on ao3. Narrowing down my five favorites will be tough, but I think I’ve figured out which ones I like best! 

In no particular order, here are my top fics:

1. have the stars blotted out in a brilliant Morse code

Summary:

Marinette doesn’t know what to think of the boy shining a flashlight into her window every night. At first, she’s annoyed.

Then Tikki tells her he’s trying to send her a message: dit, dit, dit, dah, dah, dah, dit, dit, dit–or S.O.S.

As Marinette develops her skills in the technical, outdated language of Morse code in order to communicate with this lonely, mystery boy, their friendship blossoms into something more…

Author’s Notes:

This fic started as a discussion in the writing chat of the Miraculous Fanworks’ Discord server. After realizing that Marinette and Adrien could probably see into each other’s rooms, Lou | Inkycofee, brilliant soul that she is, came up with the idea that Adrien would try to communicate with people using Morse code via a flashlight. 

This fic was so much fun. I think I cranked it out in three hours. It has been one of my more popular recent fics and even has fanart drawn by the lovely @theladylu​!

Read here.

2. Choose Your Own Adventure: The Startling Souffle

Summary:

Adrien and Marinette are cooking up a souffle, but they’re going to need your help. Join them as they battle cracky bread machines, deal with temperamental ovens, and indulge in kisses.

You will be able to choose where the story goes. Each ending will link back both to the last choice and to the start.

Happy adventuring!

Author’s Notes:

This fic was a harebrained idea to write a choose your own adventure fic for the MLB fandom. It actually was heavily based off a RP thread I cowrote with someone a few years ago. I worked really, really hard on this fic but unfortunately it was never very popular, haha! I suppose posting 31 chapters all at once and taking the four hours it took to link each chapter to each other and the start turned readers off. 

Despite that, I will be writing a sequel focused on Adrien and Marinette baking pies with Tom and Sabine, so keep an eye out for that! 

Read here.

3. Welcome to the Scene of the Crash

Summary:

While Marinette struggles with assuming her role as the new Guardian, Adrien has a problem of his own: starvation, due to his cranked-up metabolism as Chat and his father's restrictive diet.

Ladybug has been neglecting her Kitty, but Marinette realizes her mistake--almost too late.

TRIGGER WARNING: Realistic descriptions of how starvation affects the body and mind.

Complete.

Author’s Note: 

Crash is my baby. I woke up at 4:30am with a song in my head (”Take Me to the Hospital” by the Prodigy) and the first line in my head: “Adrien was starving.” I sat down and wrote this 63k fic in six days. It was a blitz. I did nothing but write, make meals, and clean the kitchen for a week.

Crash was my first fic after a ten-year writer’s block, and my entrance into the MLB fandom. If you pick any of my fics to read, choose Crash.

Read here.

4. Punch Drunk Love

Summary:

Not that Adrien would complain about that. Marinette was a beautiful girl, and Adrien would love to pull her into his lap. Right now.

He looped his arms around Marinette, and Tom gave him a look. “Careful, son,” Tom said, putting the fear of God into him. “You might want to rethink where you’re putting your hands.”

Adrien smiled goofily at Tom and let go of Marinette. She rested her shoulder on Adrien’s collarbone, nearly knocking him over. He steadied himself and held up his hands.

“Look,” Adrien said, waggling his fingers and laughing. “Jazz hands. Jazz hands that are nowhere near adorable Marinette.”

“Adorable?” Tom said, raising a brow.

Sabine chuckled again. “Let them be teenagers, Tom. You’re the one who got them tipsy.”

Author’s Note:

Punch Drunk Love was my first drunk fic. As I’ve never drunk any alcohol aside from sips of my husband’s chocolate martinis and Crest Pro Health mouthwash, I asked my friends @ladyofthenoodle​ and Rikka about their experiences being drunk. They were all too happy to provide examples of how drunk people act. Adrien in this is an affectionate, handsy drunk, haha! 

It even has fanart, drawn by the lovely @sseagully​!

Read here.

5. meet me here in the darkness of this moonlit park

Summary:

Ladybug had no idea why Chat chose the Père Lachaise cemetery as their place to meet up for patrol all those years ago. She wondered about that every time they met up, but knew she wouldn't get an answer from the grinning hero.

Until an akuma forces the secret into the open.

That secret... and a few others.

Author’s Note:

This fic is definitely one of my favorites because the setting is unique. I was writing an entirely different fic, and was looking for famous landmarks in the 20th arrondissement, and realized I’d never seen the Père Lachaise cemetery in a fic. So I finished the original fic and banged out this one.

This fic was surprisingly popular, actually. I was totally shocked. 

Thanks for reading all the way to the end! <3

Tagging @ladyofthenoodle​, @itsagrestebug​, and @torilovesmiraculous​!