#last time i started a lot of the things and we were friends first which is how i like it

[vaspider]

So, something happened last night that has been sitting heavily on my heart ever since. I'm not naming names for a reason, so don't ask. This is a clear example of something that's happened with increasing regularity.

When the Amsterdam attacks started happening last night, the first thing I thought of was a pair of my friends who had within the last 48h - I thought - been in Amsterdam to get married. (I got the place they traveled to wrong, bc it was late and I was tired, but that's not the point.) These friends are a Black frum Czech lesbian & her new wife, an in-progress convert who's seriously ill. I shared the CNN link on it & spoke with friends on a very small Discord server about how terrified I was that my friends had (again, I thought) narrowly missed being in the city while Jews were being advised to stay inside and, if they had to go out, to remove any visible symbols of their Jewishness.

Here's where I reach up and underline the word frum in that previous paragraph. Got it? Asking that friend to remove her visible signs of being Jewish is like asking her to go outside naked.

And here's the thing that's gonna stick with me for a long time: someone that I used to consider a longtime friend, who rarely, if ever, spoke on that server, popped up almost 4 hours after I was talking about how much this scared me about the relative safety of my friends to share a tweet containing the phrase Judeo-Nazis in order to contradict the CNN article and bring up what she apparently thought was the important part of the story:

"The Israelis started it," according to her & her "Judeo-Nazis" source.

That was what she thought was important to that story. Not that random fucking Jews are getting attacked on the streets of Amsterdam, not that I was relieved that my friends weren't in danger while still dealing with the fear and the shock of feeling they had been so close to it, but that I had to know, right away, that contrary to what CNN (and every other major news outlet talking about it) was reporting, this random person on Twitter referring to Israelis at a fucking soccer game and random visibly Jewish people of any nationality on the street in Amsterdam as Judeo-Nazis said that the Israelis fucking started it.

And like, no, they fucking didn't, but in context, the context in which I was speaking in a small group about my fear for two friends who weren't at the fucking soccer match but who I thought might be close to the danger, does that fucking matter? What does that have to do with "fuck, I think my friends were just there"?

Nothing. And yet - for some reason - that's the first thing that needed to be addressed in this person's mind.

A lot of Jews find our circles shrinking these days. Antisemitism is on the rise, and if we're not experiencing the direct slap in the face of people we thought were friends prioritizing "you know, the Jews started it" over anything else, we're watching people we thought better of make excuses for it, or tell us that we should gladly accept "our share" of the blame for the actions of a foreign government. (Yes, that has been said to me directly, recently.)

If I weren't so fucking stubborn, I would fold into myself & just keep company with the few and the trusted, a circle that gets smaller and smaller every day. But... I'm stubborn as hell. Maybe that'll fuck me over someday worse than it already has, I dunno.

I don't have a pithy closing for this. I'm just sad. It hurts to watch people that I used to trust vomit up shit like that tweet. It hurts that it's getting worse.

[hiraethwrote]

VENT SESSION LETS GOOOO — you’re allowed to scroll if you don’t care mwah

i spend an ungodly amount of hours on this app, and i look at you as my friends so just want to let you guys know

i am also a very nosy person myself, so seems only fair i share my own situation. but if you don’t care about all this, you can just keep scrolling. i honestly don’t mind lol

anyways… a few weeks ago, i told you guys i was going through something that was kinda heavy — yeah my bf and i were going through some stuff and started seeing someone professionally… we broke up

there was an understanding that this might be outcome when we first opened up this can of worms, and there turned out to be a lot of underlying issues that both of us had refused to acknowledge

it was definitely a mutual decision. though it’s a hard pill to swallow, we came to the conclusion it was the best for the both of us

we want such vastly different things in life, things neither of us should compromise on. to me, life came at me a lot faster than i anticipated and felt like there were things left unexplored — and neither of us want to hold the other person back from what we want

however, this is a person i have been with for six years, a quarter of my life. there’s obviously a lot of shared history which is hard to let go of. it’s also so incredibly painful when we’re not splitting due to lack of affection and love for the other person, but because our desires and wants in life just don’t align

he is still my best friend, and because of how our life situation is, we will continue living together as we have been doing for the past three years (he only lives here half the time due to work), until i move across the country when summer comes. we’re also going to celebrate christmas together because it just feels right lol

i would say i am doing as well as i can… we are obviously on good terms, but this is probably one of the hardest things i’ll go through. it is the biggest heartbreak of my life. but that is really just a sign that the time we’ve shared together haven’t been a waste. we can be proud of the fact that we’ve been honest, faithful, respectful and kind throughout the entirety of our relationship, to the point where this is so hard even though it’s the right decision

obviously, i am very scared of the path that lies ahead. he has been by my side for the better half of a decade, and i have the privilege of exploring things on my own. it’s obviously what i have been missing in my life, so i am excited for what’s to come, but terrified of living a life he’s not going to be such a big part of anymore

but things are going to be fine. idk how long it will take, i am suspecting very long, but i know in my bones this is for the best for us both. so with time, i will be happy

and not to worry, i have a fantastic support system. i have incredible friends who are there for me. i am lucky to have a family who is not guilting me about leaving a long term relationship, despite also being sad. and i’ve learned i have a great community on here who has showed so much kindness, and i am so grateful <3

that being said — i am not planning on taking a break from tumblr lol. if anything, i am starting to get out of my writers block. this past week i have written more than i have the last month so that’s good! i think i might try and be a little more productive than i have been the past few weeks (at least i hope so, work is picking up again hehe)

not putting this out here for sympathy or anything, but just a little update. i am interested in the lives of those i follow, so maybe some of you are interested in mine

wishing everyone a nice weekend 🫶🏻 i got work in the morning (day after the breakup that’s fun)

[utilitycaster]

actually taking the last bit out of the tags of that post because here is the thing. and I'm going to use specific examples, because I think it's illustrative.

the two groups of people in this fandom who have specifically harassed me have been, as I've said before, imo/dna fans mad I don't find the ship very good, and (to be fair, only on one occasion) shadowido/mauk fans who got mad that I said that tagging ao3 fic about throuples with individual pairs sucks. [hilariously the latter was not even about them at all, it was about me looking for imogen and fearne ship fic that wasn't witchy trio fic and finding it almost impossible to filter].

I do not like these people because they have engaged with harassment. It is not about identity; it is about actions. My closest friend, and the first non-family member I talked to on Wednesday morning, is a bi woman in an open marriage to a woman, with a longterm male partner. I was a bridesmaid in her wedding. The last time I visited her, in September, I was joined by other mutual friends, who are similarly in an open marriage with longterm partners and at least one relationship between two women.

I am entirely secure, in my personal life, that I am kind and accepting to queer women (of which I am one) and to poly people (of which I am not), and so I hope you can appreciate that if someone attempts to attack me on the internet on these grounds because I do not have the same exact opinions on pretend people kissing, my response isn't "oh my god I should go off and die because I'm a terrible person," it's "get a load of this moron making wild assumptions about my personal life based on a single data point in my preferences in fiction; I'm going to make them regret doing this to me, and hopefully anyone else, because this is genuinely a detrimental behavior in the fandom space." And also, you know what. If they were a homeless person on the street and asked for a dollar I would still give it to them if their attacks were merely verbal (yes, I know the idea of someone screaming "YOU'RE A LESBOPHOBE FOR HATING IMO/DNA can i have a dollar" outside the grocery store is rather comical, and I think that is how you need to consider statements like "um actually I won't help pro-shippers." Imagine that conversation happening in an irl activist group. Everyone would be like "uh...anyway, how do we fight back against this hostile bench architecture.")

I think right now it is vitally important to remember what actual bigotry looks like and what needs to be fought, and the reason I tapped the sign of this post last night is literally that I think you are wasting time and energy engaging with people who think bigotry is "criticizing the pretend guy Ashton Greymoore for concrete but pretend choices they made" when I also think most people criticizing Ashton would, if Ashton were real, still toss them change if they needed it, or are people who currently donate to or otherwise work with local programs that assist nb people, disabled people, or unhoused children.

I like to argue and I like to engage in fandom and I will continue doing that because it is a source of enjoyment and comfort for me, but I really urge everyone to ask yourself "am I arguing about genuinely different readings, or do I think that everyone who doesn't like my blorbo ship is a bad person" because if it's the latter, I think you need to nip that in the bud of online fandom before it grows into something darker and worse. A lot of irl hate and bigotry starts from a place of "everyone who doesn't agree with me and give me what I want all the time is wrong and evil" and perhaps I am too optimistic, but I think many people who say things like that in fandom just are caught up in the drama of it all and are capable of exercising empathy when they stop treating shipping or interpretation like a popularity contest that, if they lose, indicates that everyone around them is irredeemable. But I also think it can be the start of a really bad path.

[seyaryminamoto]

Any thought on Toph's writing and "arc" in ATLA? I personally think Toph was the most stunted and underdeveloped character. She never really develops at all and is mostly just a walking joke. It's clear that the writers loved her but also clear that they never did anything with her.

If you mean stunted and underdeveloped character in the main cast, definitely yes. A lot of minor characters were done a disservice by the show, given next to no complexity, so I wouldn't rank her as #1 altogether, but among the main cast, absolutely.

Now, I wouldn't say she had zero growth, it's just... not an arc. I also don't think she was only a joke, though they used her for comedy a lot. It's part of why it weirds me out when the fandom acts like Sokka, and only Sokka, was comic relief in ATLA. Toph, Aang, Iroh, even Zuko whenever the narrative wanted to poke fun at him, provided comic relief often, so it's kind of stupid to pretend it was only ever Sokka.

... But that ridiculous perception, then, caused the not-so-funny LOK phenomenon of "Bolin is the funny one", where basically all comedy was meant to be about/around this one character, which didn't work nearly as well as they expected it to, and did nothing for the team's synergy and bonding, but I digress...

What do I think about Toph's story and journey in ATLA?

Toph starts out as a girl who wants nothing more than to be independent and for people to stop underestimating her. When we consider that, in her final action scene in the show, she's clinging by her fingertips to someone else, and that her survival and life depend expressly on HIM, it suggests that she's learned that she doesn't have to go at everything alone, and also that she doesn't have all the answers to all situations. The first time we met her, it doesn't really feel like she wants to work alongside other people, as shown in her conflict with Katara in The Chase, where Toph felt absolutely no need to chip in and help out with anything but her personal needs.

I will say, in Toph's defense about that last thing, it's perfectly common for a child who has spent most her life being cared for, not having anyone expect a single thing out of her, to not understand why she needs to contribute ANYTHING to the team. It doesn't hurt that she's new, which implies that the others have been setting up camp, finding food, traveling across the world, without needing an earthbender's contributions. So it's fairly easy to see her side in this: why does she need to help at all? Why can't they handle things on their own when they always did?

But in her chance encounter with Iroh, Toph is given a chance to think on things and ponder that there's nothing wrong with relying on others. It's so effective that this scene concludes with Toph telling Iroh that maybe he should tell Zuko that he needs him too. This might even be one of Toph's strongest moments in the entire show, honestly. She has no idea who she's talking about, has never met Zuko or Iroh before, but what she tells Iroh doesn't sound like it comes only from having determined that IROH needs Zuko: it sounds like self-reflection, based on Toph realizing that maybe she can open up to needing her friends, too, and working alongside them isn't such a bad thing.

I think this is decent writing. Really!

The issue is... this is about as good as it gets with Toph.

I really like her character, she has a lot of good jokes, some interesting moments of vulnerability here and there, but this scene with Iroh is the only instance of the show I can think back on that actually features Toph questioning her strict ideas and reasoning with them, choosing a different path and abandoning something else she wasn't ready to forsake (complete and utter independence). What's more, this isn't even the kind of growth where Toph has COMPLETELY abandoned her individualistic mentality: she's adjusted it. She allows herself to consider she could be part of a team, to have friends, to work with others, but that doesn't mean she's tied down to them. It never stops feeling like Toph is more than ready to do things on her terms, in her own ways. No matter how much she bonds with the others, she will rely on them exclusively when she needs them (see how she clings to others when she has little to no visibility), or when they need her in combat and such, but outside of such spaces? It's unlikely that Toph will be the type of person who feels the need to be accompanied all the time, who feels better if someone is constantly watching over her. Her friends allow her to find some kind of balance between her need for independence and the comfort of having allies and friends to connect to... but that doesn't mean that she'll never break off on her own when the urge hits her, when the big battles are settled, when problems are resolved.

And I'm the last person to think Yang, of ALL PEOPLE, has any solid understanding of these characters, but whether it was his idea or Bryke's to feature Toph as a teacher, and to have the Gaang drop by to pick her up during The Promise? Ultimately, this just proves she doesn't feel the need to be with Aang, Sokka and Katara non-stop. If even someone like Yang thought she'd go do her own thing (... the quality of what he wrote is, of course, forever in question), down to even leaving her out of The Search entirely? It's clear that they're not trying to promote the idea that Toph is forever clinging to her friends now. She's still independent.

But like I said earlier... this balance Toph finds between her friends and her freedom isn't the product of multiple episodes and lots of hard work and bumping into obstacles to achieve. This... is literally just Toph's second episode. That's the last time the show actually challenged Toph on a PERSONAL level that doesn't involve "becoming a more powerful bender".

Take her relationship with her parents, for instance: the fandom is convinced they were abusive as fuck and that Toph would hate them forever. Ironically, the show DOESN'T promote this notion at all (which makes The Rift kind of insane when compared to the show's treatment of Toph's parents), for it features her parents as two idiots who underestimate Toph immensely and who simply want her to come home and stay out of danger. This could be deemed as abusive in some people's minds, as usual the word needs to be taken more seriously nowadays... they're not good parents, there's no denying that. They don't understand their daughter, outright. They allow their preconceptions of her disability to determine who they think their daughter is. There's nothing in the show that suggests otherwise.

So why, exactly, is it that every instance where Toph considers communicating with her parents or meeting them, she seems to be perfectly content with doing it?

Xin Fu's trap for Toph was completely cemented on the notion that Poppy Beifong had come to visit Ba Sing Se and that she finally accepted her daughter for who she was. Toph's reaction isn't some kind of jaded dismissal because there's noooo way her mom would ever accept her... she outright goes to see her. Which allows Xin Fu to trap her. Which then results in Toph discovering she can metalbend. But the thread that started this whole plotline? It... goes nowhere. Of course, Toph's parents AREN'T there, there's no real reason to assume they've changed, and this was just a trap... but we get no reaction from Toph when it comes to this. We see no conflict. She simply embraces her new abilities and runs back to Ba Sing Se. A quick glance through the transcript shows zero focus or interest in what she went through. Hell, there's not even any acknowledgement that she learned to metalbend. It's all about Aang's struggles with the Avatar State and Katara being in danger.

Next time? The Runaway. A very frustrating and annoying episode. What happens here? Katara decides to dig into Toph's old wounds regarding her parents, tries to psychoanalyze her and decides that all of Toph's rebelliousness against authority boil down to having a bad relationship with her parents. Which... maybe it's true? Doesn't really justify Katara trying to act like her mother anyway? And then the episode ends with Toph asking Katara to help her send a letter to her parents, which sounds like Toph has made her peace with them and like she's ready to accept that she would like them in her life too, and that she wants them to accept who she is. Yay.

... The issue here is there's no follow-up. This doesn't feel like development because nothing comes from it. Nothing really changed. It doesn't come from organic writing either: it comes from Katara's forced "mother friend" role that she didn't use to hold at all (as I said in the ask about why I think Katara loses her appeal as a character the deeper we go into ATLA), and it never actually confronts Toph with her parents again. It doesn't feature a deeper reflection from Toph regarding why she feels the way she does about her parents, nor does it feature Katara realizing that Toph's parents actually did fuck up a LOT with her and that she has every right to push back against them. It merely makes Katara calm down because she realizes the others care about her (while eavesdropping, ofc) and are ready to accept her for who she is... even though she, too, merits a LOT of reflection regarding this mom friend role and nobody else should be comfortable with that, let alone her :'D

Point being, the show really just holds this as the only thing about Toph that wasn't actually resolved, but it acts like it's fine because Toph sent a letter. What growth did we see in Toph that actually means this letter makes all the difference, though? We have no idea how it affected her parents -- as much as Yang acts like it didn't affect them at all, it could have made them rethink some things, or it could have made them mount an even more desperate search for their child, who knows? And it's a pretty solid thread to pull at, to tug loose, to TRULY challenge Toph's character... aaaaaaand they just don't do it at all.

The way I see it, that's really what it boils down to. The show doesn't challenge Toph in any significant way after her... second episode. This isn't the case for most main characters, and I'm not even asking for Toph's story to feature an intense, horrible, super harrowing and difficult plot...! Just, make some things complicated for her. Show her frustrations, show her difficulty to grasp things she hasn't experienced before. Confront her with realities that she, a sheltered girl from a pretty well-off city, has never really needed to face before. Her attitude towards Ba Sing Se is never questioned or challenged narratively: she's constantly proven right about the city being fucked up, and about her reads on all high society people. While all this makes Toph feel smart to a viewer, the issue really comes where this character basically only has her admittedly sizable charisma to win us over. She succeeds! But what does this show give her to work with besides a very quick "I don't wanna work in a team-I learned to work in a team" conflict that is resolved even faster than Sokka's sexism, which pretty much died out within 4 episodes?

There's definitely a component here were Toph is successful not only because of her personality, her abilities, her strength... but also because of the message she conveys regarding disabilities. A LOT of disabled people have clung to Toph as an example and inspiration to not allow whatever ails them to define them or hold them back. Whether the comparison between a blind girl with magical powers and a disabled person of our world without them is valid or not? The effect Toph has had on a lot of viewers who related to her struggles is undeniable. In a sense, it almost feels like the fandom's worship of Toph suggests that in not giving her further challenges on a personal level, they actually hit some kind of jackpot as far as social messages are concerned... but once you actually scope in and pay proper attention to her character, you might find she's got so much more potential that went ignored by this story in favor of presenting her as this unquestionably strong girl who relies on others when she really needs to but otherwise is independent and free from all of society's restraints on her.

Personally, I know this to be the case because of the pushback and reactions my version of Toph in Gladiator initially resulted in. She had no reason to think anything of Sokka and damn near killed him when they first clashed in the Gladiator League... and this horrified a LOT of people! They couldn't BELIEVE Toph could be like this! An older Toph, 7 years older to be precise, who broke free from her parents' hold, struck a bargain with her would-be-captor to get him MORE money than he'd find if he turned her in, and who wanted nothing but to measure her strength against other powerful fighters. If she doesn't have Aang's group's influence on her as early on as when she's 12-years-old, is it REALLY that crazy for Toph's problems with her parents and authority to fester, for her craving for independence to reach new heights, for her readiness to prove herself stronger than anyone to actually be a hazard for other people who stand in her way?

Thus... a lot of the work I've done with this character has been deconstructing these flaws, building her into someone who understands herself better. It's in learning from the examples Sokka and Azula set for her that she starts to realize what kind of person, what kind of LEADER she wants to be. One of my favorite scenes to write about Toph is when she's setting her city free from Fire Nation control, extending her earthbending reach all across Gaoling, putting a stop to the FN army while focusing on creation rather than destruction. On building up her people, on leading her forces with the power of her seismic sense, on capturing the enemy leader, all of it without razing her home city to the ground. Early Gladiator Toph? She wouldn't have cared one bit to join the war to begin with, and if someone had told her that her city, the place she associated with rules, limitations and restraints would be razed to the ground? She might have even encouraged it. Yes, a part of her would have felt guilt over her parents... but she would have been so emotionally stunted that she would have forced herself to ignore any part of her that still cared about them.

And worth noting? One of the biggest personal issues Toph faced was actually nearly killing Azula and Sokka because of her absolute determination to win against them during an event. They were already friends, but they were also each other's biggest rivals in the League... neither side holds back when it comes to this particular competition, and Azula and Sokka had actually beaten Toph and Iroh on their previous encounter! Which meant Toph's desperation for victory was driving her a bit crazy. But once Toph takes it too far at one point, she freaks out. It triggers guilt that actually jumpstarts a much deeper and more complicated arc than anything she'd been through before. Her determination to win at all costs, her pride over her lifelong winning streak within the League... she's suddenly facing the possibility that all this shit she used to cling to, so damn hard, means NOTHING when she could lose two of the people she cares most about if she continues to privilege all that stuff over their wellbeing and safety.

And this doesn't mean that she didn't like fighting as a Gladiator anymore... it means she really came to terms with the fact that other things mattered more. Later on? She realized there are BIGGER fights out there, too, than what's going on in the League: she was the last line of defense against a brutal attack by a rogue waterbender who killed a lot of people and could have killed many more... and after the fact, she spends quite some time worrying about what could have happened if she had failed to protect everyone, if her strength had faltered when she needed it most.

Yes, touting my own horn a lot... but everything I've typed about my own story is exactly why it can even piss me off, at times, to see Toph's potential as a character squandered to the extent it is in canon. I've done so much more with her than they ever did, and granted it's a huge story, but Toph ISN'T the main focus on it and I still managed to give her more to work with than canon ever did. It makes no sense, does it?

I don't think she was given the respect she deserved, and partly, I feel this happened with a lot of female characters who straight-up don't have arcs at all. There's this latent fear that in questioning a character, showing they're flawed, they could become unlikeable... ironic how this is seldom a concern over male characters, but it is with female ones. And mind you: it DOES happen to male characters, because Aang himself is the most egregious example of a male character showcasing flaws and people spiraling over them, turning them into something they never were, all be it to pretend SOMEONE ELSE (*cough* Zuko *cough*) is that much better than him. But they WEREN'T scared of writing Aang into complicated situations that showcased his flaws and resulted in his growth, though. They are with Katara, Toph, Suki, Mai, Ty Lee... :') wonder why, huh?

Ultimately, Toph is a much better character, boiled down to basics, than many characters I tend to talk about and criticize openly. The issue with Toph, for me, isn't really that she fails as a character, or conveys wrong messages, or that the narrative is biased in her favor (though sometimes it is...).

The problem with Toph is she has no chances to truly grow into her own. That her biggest growth comes from a singular conversation with Iroh in episode 2x08 is incredibly unfair to a character who can provide SO MUCH if you simply give her a chance and let her be... human. Flawed. Complex. There's so much more that can be done with her, and if given a chance? She really could have been the best character of the entire show. Too bad they didn't have the guts to let that happen.

[asherthehimbo]

Love talk - Song Mingi

prev | M. list | next chapter | [WITH MY BIAS?]

words: 2.3K

notes: warnings, mature language, Mingi going through it, HONGJOONG is going throigh it bro somebody save him

��I'm still not seeing him, what if he's really not here, what if I lost my one chance to be with the love of my life because I was stupid and clumsy and spilled water over a fucking card when I should've put the number in my phone the moment I saw the card. Or what if he is here and he doesn't recognize me because my hair is different what if-” Mingi's panic is stopped by Yunho, “Calm down” it's simple and had it been anybody else those words would not serve to soothe him, but Yunho's been his rock for longer than he could remember and they offer at least a bit of comfort.

Sitting in a Vip box right in front of the stage, Mingi and the rest of his members try and look around for the person Mingi described, it's a break in the concert and the first half had been great, the lead guitarist Hongjoong loves was back and had even angled his guitar in their direction a couple of times, whatever that meant. He was dressed differently from the other members of his band, his whole body covered, almost in a cultish cloak which matches with the vibe of the first few songs, but Mingi couldn't bring himself to focus on that too much.

He was constantly looking back, trying to spot the mess of pink hair between the see of bright pinks and blacks behind him, it was fruitless, he knew the area was too big for him to see [Name] by himself, and his friends had agreed to help during the breaks but they had been invested in the concert whenever the music riff would start. Something about the lead singer's voice seemed almost familiar, calling out to him but he pushed it back, ignored it in favor of looking through the crowds, it may seem disrespectful but he'd apologize after the show, they would understand right?

“I can't just calm down Yunho, I know you guys think it's silly and that I only knew him for a week but it was- It was just so real. It was like he knew me, like I knew him. He held me like I was the one thing he'd been searching for and it couldn't have been just my own mind Yunho, and I hate it. I hate it because the thought of not seeing him again didn't even cross my mind. I've started to forget his voice, do you know how much that breaks me?“ Mingi is almost crying, not caring that if anyone were to look into the box they'd see him.

“Listen, I know we all thought it was silly at first, but we know how much this means to you, I know how much this means to you. We'll find him alright? even if it's not right now, we'll find him, you don't have to worry. Just, just try and enjoy the rest of the concert, try and relax, if you're relaxed your memory might become more clear. Just for a few songs, if you still aren't feeling better you and I can walk out and get some fresh air okay? you said you met him outside last time, we'll look for him then” Yunho hand on Mingi's shoulder grounds him as he tries to blink away the tears, grateful for the dimming of studio lights as the concert will supposedly begin again.

He can hear the band walk back up the stage, the voice of the lead singer humming and a few giggles of the others ringing through the stadium. He can't see them, the lights are far too dark for that. ��We've teased you a lot recently haven't we my petals?” The voice of the lead singer speaks for the first time that night, Mingi tilts his head in confusion at the feeling stirring in his chest, but it's blocked out by the screams of ‘yes’ from the crowd, the loudest being Hongjoong beside him.

“hmm, I'm pretty sure they've figured it out, our petals are smart” a female voice speaks from the stage, “yeah!” two other voices agree. “Very true, Soyeon” the crowd goes wild as a name is said, making Mingi remember that until now, it seems, everyone in this band has stayed anonymous. “Well, petals, I'm afraid I can no longer call only you mine.. you see, you've supported us through a lot, helped us in our search for our pink flower” he speaks again, Mingi faintly recalls Hongjoong giving everyone a run down on the bands lore, how the pink carnation is supposed to symbolize the happiest part of their life, their heaven.

“Even gave some of us ours” another voice says, “shut up Beomgyu” a female voice , different from the one identified as Soyeon speaks, the crowd loses it again as another member's name is revealed. “You're just jealous Petals love me more, Ryunjin” Beomgyu spits back, and this time Mingi is prepared for the eruption of screams that don't seem to end. “You two fight like an old married couple” the drummers, Mingi thinks, voice speaks. “SHUT UP CHANGBIN” the two shout in unison. The crowd is lively, all screaming newly learned names of the ones they love, next to Mingi Hongjoong is losing his mind as he buzzes in his seat waiting for his bias, the last name to be revealed.

“If I could continue my earlier sentence” the unnamed male speaks as the two youngest let out tiny huff’s of sorry’s, the crowd going dead silent as his unsaid way of asking for silence reaches them. “Tonight, as you could tell, we are sharing ourselves with you fully, and to do that, I wrote a song, it's quite different from what we usually give you, and for that I'm sorry. But as our story has gone on, and we've seen glimpses of all the incarnations pink flower” he takes a deep breath, “I believe I've found mine.. he's in the crowd tonight, so I hope he knows this songs for him” the last words are a bit shaky, and Mingi silently applauds the man for being brave enough to share this part of himself with his fans.

“Alright guys, don't go easy on him, you gotta tell him if you don't like his simpy song right?” Soyeon asks and the crowd gives a corus of agreement. “Here it is, Love talk, written by [Name] [Last name]” she screams, the crowd screaming with her as the lights turn on and the music starts. The air is sucked out of Mingi's chest, the name hitting him hard, the face he's met with afop the stage, staring down at him the moment the lights turned on, now dressed in much more revealing clothing, body littered with the tattoos Mingi recalls in his dreams? they hit him even harder.

It's not him who starts the song, but he's mouthing something to Mingi before he starts his own part, Mingi can't tell what it is he's saying. He can feel the eyes of his members on him, boring into him as they recognize the name and description, all probably equally as shocked as he is, but he can't tear his eyes away from the man atop the stage. The words he had said previously floating around in his head, the song was written for him, for Mingi.

Falling for a stranger (Yeah), good gracious (Yeah)

I might even fly out to Vegas (Catch a flight)

I'm thinking maybe you'd be down to do it (Yeah)

But you don't know what I'm saying (Saying)

[Name] moves his left hand that's not holding the mic, pointing his wrist in the direction of the crowd as the camera zooms in on what he's showing, a little pink flower, tattooed in the middle of his wrist, it's vine creeping up the palm of his hand and wrapping around his middle finger. He smiles at Mingi hopefully, and Mingi only smiles in turn.

“with MY bias, you fucking slept with MY bias I can't have ONE thing in this group YEARS I spent thirsting for this man and you got to him first!” Hong Jong wails, as he's being comforted by Seonghwa, the members being in a room backstage, they were brought here by the security guards after the concert had ended, being told “The incarnations want to see you.” and no further explanation.

Mingi's stomach is rumbling with nerves, now that he's not looking at [Name], that [Name] isn't looking at him he wonders if the other is mad, he paces back and forth in the room, blocking out Hongjoongs wails and Jongho and Yeosangs giggles. He knows the thought is irrational, the man had just done an identity reveal just so Mingi would recognize him, but there's still a nagging voice at the back of his brain.

“Still can't believe you slept with him, - like I can't believe he's [Name], like damn dude I get why you loved his fingers now.“ Yunho speaks from where he sits and eats some candy, his face between impressed and uninterested. Mingi wants to smother him. “Never really given my fingers much thought, I'm glad flower liked them” a deep voice speaks from the doorway, the now open doorway, the doorway that [Name] and the rest of his band are standing in.

The voices in the back of Mingi's head disappear and his body acts on instinct as he moves to [Name], the taller meeting him midway and their lips entwining in a passionate kiss. Mingi's hands steady themselves on [Name’s] shoulders, fearing his legs might give out beneath him if he doesn't, the guitarist has one hand, his left hand, on Mingi's cheek, the other gripping his hip like a lifeline.

When they break away, eyes locking and laughter bubbling from their throats, Mingi hears a whine behind them. “Goddamnt, now I owe Ryujin 20 bucks. You couldn't have waited 5 minutes?” Beomgyu grumbles as he plops himself on the first open chair he sees. “I'll give you forty if you stop placing bets on me” [Name] says as he spins Mingi around so they're both facing the rest of the people in the room. Mingi's back pressed against his chest so tight he can feel the other's beating heart, his waist encircled by [Name’s] arms as he rested his chin on Mingi's shoulder.

“Deal!” Beomgyu chirps from where he sits, “I swear you're all idiots, introduce yourselves” Soyeon gives her bandmates a pointed look and they all make ‘O’ faces in realization that they have yet to do that. “There's no need, Hongjoong-Hyung raves about-” San’s words are stopped shen Hongjoongs hand loudly slaps his mouth shut, looking at the band in a panic. “what he means to say is we heard on the stage, right?“ Hongjoong directs the last word threateningly at San, who nods his head fearfully with watery eyes. Hongjoong releases his hand from San’s mouth, the younger immediately backing away from Hongjoong and pouting as he looks at Wooyoung who is clearly much more interested in what's going on than San’s pain.

“ah, same here, [Name] won't shut up about you guys he's been a fan since like debut” Ryujins words are met with a loud cackle from Beomgyu about the fact that his friend just got outed, and a grumble from [Name who simply hides his face in Mingi's shoulder as the idol gives him a curious look.

“So I guess we're like… members in law” Changbin tries to joke, earning a loud laugh from Wooyoung, the sound immediately making him brighten up. “I'm gonna take Flower so me and him can talk someplace private” [Name] speaks before directing his attention to Ateez, “really it is nice meeting you all and it would be an honor to talk more, but flower is more important to me” he tells them as he drags Mingi out of the room, pausing for a moment to look back at Hongjoong, “for what it's worth Captain, you were my bias wrecker” he says with a cheeky grin before closing the door, Hongjoong sitting still for a moment before letting out a strangled cry that's muffled by the door.

“flower?“ is the first thing Mingi asks when he and [Name] enter a room alone. [Name] only nods, “mhm, do you not like it?” he looks at Mingi with a hint of nervousness Mingi hasn't seen on him before, it was kind of endearing. “NO! no no I mean Uhm I like it but it's just… I don't know, didn't think you would have remembered me, especially named me after something so important” Mingi mumbles.

“I know it may seem like a shocker but I do actually like you, I mean I didn't exactly learn korean for nothing” [Name] huffs out a puff of laughter, but his words hit Mingi, he learnt a language for Mingi. “I- I never called you” is all Mingi could reply with, [Name] only nods in response, “yeah.. “ he bites the inside of his cheek.

“It's not that I didn't want to- god I wanted to, it's just- I lost your number- well not lost more so as spill water-” Mingi starts to panic but is cut off by the feeling of [Name’s] lips connecting to his own once again. He's silenced, feeling the tallers hand rest on his neck to hold him in place. The kiss is broken as their foreheads are rested against one another. “My Flower, I could honestly care less” [Name] breathes out, “Whatever happened, you still decided to show up, and you have yet to reject me, so I could honestly care less on why you didn't contact me” He removes his head from Mingi's as he looks down at him. “I don't want to think about the year I spent without you when you're in my arms now” he says, and Mingi responds by kissing him again, a smile on his own lips.

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notes: chat this is not proofread and im sick so please lmk if you find any mistakes

copyright | 2024 | @asherthehimbo

[beastimusprojects]

Chapter 17: Somewhere, somewhen.

______________________________________________________________

            “Hey Hywel, this isn’t your first time on a ship, is it?” Phoenix shouted across the deck as she walked over.

            “What makes you think that?”

            “There’s nothing left to do, the sails are all secured, our heading has been correct the last four times I checked it, which it wouldn’t stay right if someone wasn’t fixing it, and I just checked a spot on the rigging that’s been giving me some trouble, and I think I just learned a new knot.” “And it certainly wasn’t Orwen.”

            “Well, I just wanted to be helpful, yáll have done a lot letting me ride with you.”

            “Is it the demon?” “Does the demon know stuff about sailing?”

            “Yeah, Dere wants me to become friends with you guys.”

            “Aren’t demons supposed to be evil?”

            “Self-interest on his part” Hywel laughed “the hope is that I become so attached to you that I can’t sacrifice myself for the greater good.”

            “Is sacrificing yourself just, like, part of the plan?”

            “Yeah, pretty much.” “The thing in Core is, well, it’s really big and powerful, when I fight it, I probably won’t survive.”

            “Then, like, maybe don’t fight it?”

            “Hm, were that it was so simple.”

            “But it is.” “You dying fighting something you can’t kill does no one any good.”

            He shrugged “what does the world lose but one more monster.”

            “You keep calling yourself that, you know that’s not true, right.”

            “You don’t know what I did.”

            “What did you do?”

            “This power that I have, it cost lives, as many as a hundred people died, probably a lot more because of the war getting worse.” “I signed up with the Seekers because I wanted to help people, but in the end… that conviction failed.”

            “They were going to kill you, weren’t they?” “To try to get rid of Dere?”

            “How do you know that?”

            “My, uh, mother, such as she is, tried to get me to do something like that. It didn’t go well.”

            “That’s awful.”

            “Do you want to hear a story?”

            Hywel gestured for her to begin.

______________________________________________________________

            “So, the whole, uh, fiasco? that comprises most of my life started the day I turned seven, actually a little before that.” “My mother left our family to go back to her military career when I was 6, right after my big sister came down with consumption, I think she couldn’t bear to watch that. My father, I think he got sick a little afterward, but he hid it, he taught me a lot of things that year, things you need to know to survive on your own, and a few weeks before I turned seven he was on his deathbed and he gave me this knife, and his necklace. He told me the necklace was for remembering, and the knife was for surviving. I did not think I’d actually have to use it.”

            “I was then an orphan, but my best friend at the time, Seria, her family was kind enough to let me stay with them. So, one day, my birthday, we were walking home from school, and these big jerkass boys who like to bully us come along, they did this most days, usually it just meant calling us names and stuff.”

            “The biggest guy comes up and straight out pushes me, and says something like, ‘oh, that’s what smells, its that shitty harelip comin’ through here’, so I say ‘no, its actually you, horseshit for brains. Oh, sorry, that’s an insult to horseshit.’”

            Hywel was taken aback, “What?”

            “Seven-year-old Phoenix was a riot.”

            “But anyway, they push us around for a hot minute till I get tired of putting up with it and punch him in the gut.” “At this point you are to be reminded that I was a seven-year-old girl, and not a very big one, and my punches were not very strong.” “This guy calls me something I will not repeat and pulls a knife on me.” “It is at this point that his friends run off, presumably to have plausible deniability, and Seria backs away.” “He runs at me, and misses me with three consecutive slashes, long enough for me to draw my knife and hit him in the arm, causing him to drop his knife. I don’t remember what happened very well from then on, but he kept trying to hit me, so I kept stabbing him, like thirty-seven times.”

            “So now I’ve killed an eight-year-old boy in the middle of the street.”

            “I have one question for you. Am I a monster?”

            “No, it was self-defense, obviously not.”

            “He didn’t have to die.”

            “Maybe not, but that’s not on you.”

            “We are not different.” “What you did is not what defines you, it’s how you choose to live with it.” “And I recommend choosing to live, its so much better that way.” “That part of you that wants to believe you’re a monster, you have to ignore it, you can’t live like that.”

            “I don’t know how else to live.”

            She shrugged “You’ll find a way, eventually. I can’t speak to how long it takes, I’m not sure I’ve found yet.”

______________________________________________________________

            “Potatoes, rice, beans, cabbage.” Persephone waved at Orwen. “You paying attention?” “If Phoenix comes in here before we’re done it will ruin the surprise.”

            “Oh,” Orwen told himself to focus, and he quickly got the requested ingredients. “I’m sorry, I’m just distracted.”

            “It’s Phoenix. You still have to turn her in.” “Chop these potatoes, thin circles please.”

            “Yeah.” “But she trusts me, you all do.”

            “I mean, not that much.”

            “You think that in the end I’ll ‘do the right thing.’” “Here’s those potatoes.” “I won’t, you know, yáll are just making my job easier.”

            “Practically easier.” “Obviously we’re introducing some extra cognitive difficulty.”

            “I mean, it shouldn’t.” “This has been the plan the whole time. Anything I did to help you guys was a ploy, part of the strategy.”

            “You’re a big fan of lying to yourself.” “Can you dice this onion? Real fine please.”

            “I’m not lying to myself, I will bring Phoenix in, even if you all feel like it’s a betrayal.”

            “Oh, I believe that. It’s just that there have been opportunities that you’ve passed up for the loyalty that you don’t have.” “You’ll probably do it, but you’ll feel bad about it.”

            “No, I won’t, I’ll be welcomed back as a hero.”

            “And the praise of your peers will give you the satisfaction you seek?”

            “Onions.”

            “Thanks dear, carrots next.” “You see, I’d be willing to bet that when you go back, you’ll have a lot of people congratulating you on a mission well done, but you’ll be left with the knowledge that any of them would have left you in Ser.” “That is to say, no one who really cares about you.”

            “You don’t know me. Here’s those carrots.”

            “I got beets coming out of the oven in a sec.” “Deep down, all you really want is to be with a group of people who care about you.” “But you’re convinced that no such group exists, so you go for the next best thing, mass approval.”

            “That’s dumb, I don’t need to prove anything to anyone but myself.”

            “I’ve heard that line before.”

            “Really, from who?”

            “Me.” “You’re doing everything you can to get some abstract end goal where you will have proven yourself.” “It’s like pulling on a rope with no end. You wear yourself out until your fingers are raw, but you get no closer to the end.”

            “Well, then I’m not pulling it, I’m climbing it. How do you let go of a rope and not plunge into the abyss?”

            “I picked up a stranger who wants nothing more than to imprison my friend, I’m on what will probably be a fruitless journey to save someone who doesn’t even care about their own life, and I’m fricking peeling apples to surprise someone who is a much better chef than me.” “Do you think I dropped the rope?”

            “Who are you to judge me then?”

            “No one, we all have different struggles, I just hope for Phoenix’s sake that you figure out yours.”

______________________________________________________________

@brokendarkfairyempressforever

@hijabi-flavored-nerd

@betanian117

Just to clarify, Phoenix's backstory is maybe a tad over-blown from a tragedy perspective, but like, go watch Hero Academia or One Piece or smth, its an anime trope I promise, I'm not inflicting trauma on young girls for realism purposes (though I also don't think its necessarily unrealistic sadly.)

New post for the Phoenix Story:

Up to chapter 12:

CW for some Suicidal Ideation, General Angst, Mild Body horror, and as of now, one instance of the f-word.

Chapter 1: A Beautiful Night

______________________________________________________________

            Phoenix finally relaxed.

            As she watched the moon slide over the sun, she relished in the fact that she was now, truly, wonderfully alone. Alone, more than anyone else had probably been in a long, long time. There are, of course, ways to be alone not requiring physical distance, and ways of being together that overcome any distance. But it had been a decade since Phoenix had truly experienced togetherness in any of those ways, and the physical isolation was as absolute as she could imagine it. There was no one within 30 miles of where she sat, on an island that no one knew existed on the edge of where life in the sky had penetrated. No one could get there, the navigational skills required were immense and rare, even in such far-flung places as this.    

            By all rights, trying to get to Phoenix in that moment would be like trying to contact the spirits of the dead.

            It was good to be alone, for it was only in this isolation, which, she imagined, would be for some soul-crushing, that she was finally safe. For the first time in a long time, a decade, exactly in fact (she had felt her 17th birthday as she stepped onto the island,) she was safe. At that thought, a wave of, not happiness, but certainly peace washed over her.

            She knew it wouldn’t last, in two hours her first scar would twinge, and that would bring back memories of the worst time in her life. And she couldn’t sustain the aloneness, if only for purely practical reasons. But she would enjoy it for now.

            She looked up and saw that the moon had finished its arc, leaving only the corona of the sun visible. As the night songbirds started to sing, Phoenix went to find a place to sleep for the first night in a new chapter of her life.

            And what a beautiful night it would be.

______________________________________________________________

            It was of course a beautiful night, but Orwen didn’t see much of it, despite his perch on the roof of the headquarters of The Hunters. He did not admire the beauty of the stars or the reflection of the ring of fire in the lake, but rather stared into a handheld mirror, running a finger along his scar.

            The scar should have been a thing of beauty, it was a perfect Hunter’s Mark, a thin but bright slash from the inside of his left eye to the right corner of his mouth. By conventional wisdom, he should have been grateful, the mark was only supposed to fall on the greatest hunters.

            But to him, it only reminded him of his greatest failure. Six months tomorrow. Six months since he had fought the hardest fight of his life. Six months since the first time he thought he might die. Six months since he’d fought and killed the greatest of the Seekers, but that had not been what gave him the scar.

            He was the Nitehawk, the greatest hunter of all time, but a lowlife thief had not only beaten him, she’d marked him.

        ��   “You mean nothing,” he told himself he was talking to the scar, “until I find her.”

            He was not there in the morning.

______________________________________________________________

            “Not so fast Dere! I can see you.”

            As the figure ran along the wall, Hywel knocked an arrow.

            “Not leaving on my watch!”

            He let the arrow fly. It didn’t strike the figure, but it didn’t need to, because Hywel quickly Stepped, and was up on the wall, arrow gripped in his right hand. His left was soon gripping the figure’s coat, which slowly shifted back into its more natural catlike form.

            “Would you believe I was just out for a walk? It’s a very nice night!” Dere exclaimed.

            “No, I don’t believe the words of demons, especially not ones who I catch escaping.” Dere was always unpleasant to deal with. “And now of all times we can’t afford to give you an inch. Not with Scout dead.” Their leader had been killed 6 months prior, and morale had been severely sapped since. The Seekers, and by extension the Alliance of the Sky, had been losing ground fast ever since. They’d already lost control of Nerestar and Dorsinli.

            Hywel wasn’t worried they’d lose the war anytime soon, but it didn’t look good for his chances of ever leaving this post.

As Hywel carried the wretched thing inside, it displayed an array of strategies to avoid its inevitable return to imprisonment. First it pretended to be cute and demure, then it scratched futilely at Hywel’s thick gloves, screaming obscenities that hadn’t been heard by mortal ears in centuries, then it whispered in his ears with that terrible voice, promises of power and wealth. Lies, of course, though, weighed against the prospect of spending the next decade on post guarding the creature, Hywel had to admit to being tempted.

______________________________________________________________ Chapter 2: A wonderful morning.

            Other than blackberries, the island seemed to be almost completely empty. It would be a lot of work to make the place habitable long term, and that would have to include several trips to somewhere habited. But a few trips to get some chickens and sheep and then Phoenix could probably stay here for a long time. Eventually, she would have to build a house, but she didn’t know where she’d get the materials for such a project.

            Its kind of ironic, I guess. To make my fortress of solitude, I have to go to people.

            I can wait a while though.

            She worked to clear a patch out from the blackberries – fire made quick work of the bushes – more so to distract herself than anything else. She didn’t want to think about… well anything really, because everything would eventually trail back to the fact that she had to go to town. Town, where she might encounter someone who knew her and if she found someone who knew her there, that was the only way she could die.

            Why do I always think about death?

            Its irrational, no one will be there, because no one knows I’m here, that’s why I came here in the first place.

            But in the back of her mind, a picture would not cease to form.

            I hate you, Karol. She thought as she clapped her hands, burning away another blackberry bush.

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen was known for being fast, but right now he was mostly just frustrated. He had tracked slippery prey before, but Phoenix Alkaryl was one of a kind. Six months of searching had seemed only to deepen her cover, and he could still only narrow her location to about a quarter of The Sky, a pitiful performance by any Hunter, let alone The Nitehawk.

            Doesn’t matter how long it takes. I will find her.

            He was pouring over a map (the mirror laid just north of Levias) as he sat on the 11:45 ferry from Nerestar and Dorsinli, a convenient service which, 6 months ago, he couldn’t have used. He was glad the Free Cities were winning the war, if for no other reason than it made his job easier. Phoenix couldn’t be anywhere in Alliance territory, ever since he had killed Scout of the Seekers, the Alliance had closed their borders to all travel, Phoenix was supposed to be a good navigator, but no one got past Alliance gusters.

            If she’s this far off the map, she probably wanted to disappear. So, she probably went outward.

As he left the boat, he caught a glimpse of something he’d never seen before in an alley. A tall woman, wearing golden chainmail, one side of her face, covered in burns, with three of her limbs replaced with prosthetics. Their eyes met, and she smiled with one half of her face. A Valkyrie, they were all supposed to be on the Levian front. He tried to walk quickly away, but as he turned a corner, he felt a hand on his shoulder.

“Excuse me, you are the Nitehawk, yes? You’re looking for a girl named Phoenix, right? The one who gave you The Mark?”

“Indeed.”

“I know where to find her.”

______________________________________________________________

            Guarding Dere was hell, and Hywel had been booked for a full week of it. In a way, you could understand its plight, Hywel didn’t like to be cooped up either and Dere had been locked away for 150 years. But in every other way, well, the thing was pure evil. You could feel it, just standing near it, malice almost seemed to radiate off of the beast, and if you met its eyes, you saw nothing but two pools of absolute emptiness, not just nothing themselves, but threating to make you nothing as well. And its smile was dreadful, you knew it was happy with itself, and when you saw it smiling, you couldn’t even hate it, the hate would drain away before you could replenish it. All you could feel was nothing.

            And then there was its voice. It didn’t make any sound, you heard it in your head. It didn’t say anything of any consequence, but it seemed to know everything about you. Or sometimes it would say the most utterly outrageous things, but that was the trouble, after a while of hearing, you sometimes wouldn’t know the difference.

            It was evil. In its most concentrated and loathsome form. Precisely what the Seekers were out to eradicate. Or at least that’s what they said. In the last couple of years, they seemed to mostly be fighting in the war. Capturing and killing things like Dere was precisely what Hywel had signed up for. Though the job mostly consisted of long guarding of the one that had already been captured.

            Sometimes I hate this job.

            You know, if you’d be willing to make a deal, I could give you the power to do all the things you want. Just think of how much better the world could be if you had that power.

            I always hate you.

            It was going to be a long week.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 3: A Long Week.

______________________________________________________________

            Hyla really didn’t constitute a city. But it was enough. Big enough that she could buy chickens and sheep. Big enough that her nerves would never rest. She was only there for a few hours, but her heart pounded the entire time. Her nerves acted up around any large group of people, but they were worse this week than ever. She was constantly reminded by her scars. This week one decade prior had given her so many. A particularly large one panged on her chest as she arrived back on the island, she’d killed the bear, but not before taking a swipe.

            Desperate for distraction, she started planting vegetables, with any luck, she’d get some potatoes before winter hit. Then it wouldn’t be as bad as that first winter she’d weathered. She worked furiously, and the potatoes were all planted within an hour, she’d thought it would take till nightfall.

            Ok, we’ll start building shelter then.

            She dug out a pit, which she preceded to thatch over with blackberries, a task that, blessedly, took her the rest of the week. It was not a complete respite from her thoughts and memories, but it provided some comfort. It wasn’t ideal, but it was critically big enough for all three of her new sheep. They wouldn’t do well outside with how cold outer ring winters could get. Even with her magic, Phoenix had not relished the idea of spending a winter without shelter.

______________________________________________________________             I probably shouldn’t trust her. The Valkyries were a very secretive organization, not known for good faith offerings of assistance. But I can’t just let her go.

            “Where?”

            “The city of Asera.” Asera made as much sense as anywhere else, a Free City on the outer ring with enough people to disappear into, but not enough that you would definitely get caught.

            “Why do the Valkyries know that?”

            “Alkaryl is of special importance to us, whenever she is spotted, we’re the first to know.” A little suspect that the Valkyries have more of a stake than the Hunters, but all right.

            “And why tell me?”

            “You ask a lot of questions.” She raised her eyebrow.

            “Well, sorry if you don’t look like a particularly reliable source.”

            “It’s her time to die.”

            “Thank you for the information.” Orwen turned to go.

            “You misunderstand, I am to accompany you.” Fine by him, passing up the help of one of the most feared fighters in the Sky would only hurt his mission.

            “All right, we leave at once then.”

            She shook her head “I have a few matters to attend to beforehand. Meet me by the northern gate.”

            Orwen tried to dispel his suspicions about the Valkyrie. His instincts were usually right, but he hadn’t slept in a while, and her story made sense, he needed her help to find Phoenix. But something still just wouldn’t sit right. He’d have to tough it out, for the mission.

            Traveling with Sharon was not pleasant, she seemed to be all business, and was pushing Orwen to go faster, despite the fact that he was travelling with almost three times the normal weight. Her face apparently never moved, and she refused to engage in any conversation that wasn’t complaining about how long Orwen’s Speed took to recharge (despite the fact that they were on track to cover two thousand miles in a week.) But thankfully, Orwen’s suspicions subsided, though that might have been more because he was collapsing into bed at the end of each day.

            But, after all this time, he was finally moving forward with his mission.

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel emerged from his Hell on the fifth day, after 4 sleepless nights in a row, facing two more, when respite finally came.

            “Hywel, you have been summoned to the Chamber.”

            “Thank you, and I’m sorry you have to deal with this thing now.” Hywel gestured to Dere fatalistically.

            “They’re coming with us.”

            “What?”

            The other seeker shrugged, unlocked the cage, and slipped Dere into some kind of collar “I don’t know, I was just told to get both of you.”

            Hywel was led to the doors of the Chamber and then was left with Dere’s leash.

            The doors into the Chamber felt especially heavy on Hywel’s tired hands as he pushed them open. He had been here many times before, but now of all times, it felt imposing. Dere’s whispers had not stopped.

            The Chamber was laden with the scent of old parchment paper and dead spells. It was deafeningly silent, except for a scribe scribbling minutes of the previous engagement, probably an execution, given the somber looks of the Council. They sat on a raised platform, overlooking the whole room, there were seven of them, and all of their choices were final.

“Hywel Sutherland. Seeker Honorable.”

            “I sir.” Hywel snapped to attention.

            “Do you know why you have been summoned?”

            “I was not informed, sir.” He looked up, the center councilmember was the one speaking, Garrel Satia, Killer of a Thousand foes. A garish title, but Hywel was in the presence of legends.

            “A great time has come upon us. For just yesterday a method has been discovered to eliminate the Demon of which you now hold the leash from this world.” Oh, this’ll be good, how do they think they’ll get rid of me this time… Dere’s voice echoed, Dere caught his eye, They try to do this at least once a year, don’t worry, it won’t work, but you might die anyway…

            As if to confirm the cat’s words, another councilmember spoke, Latise SeBorno. “And we are fortunate to have such a dedicated seeker as yourself at this time, for the ritual is not without sacrifice.”

             “You, Hywel Sutherland, Seeker Honorable, have been chosen for this purpose.” This is what they always do, sacrifice loyal subjects for a chance at killing the only thing they fear. By the way, my offer still stands, but this is one of your last times to take it. The last guy didn’t and they let the Nitehawk kill him.

            “What kind of sacrifice does the ritual entail?” Hywel asked.

            “If all goes well, it will leave you exhausted for days” Made up, killing a demon would drain anyone for years… “If the worst occurs, you may have to give your life.” You see?

            A third councilmember spoke up. “It is for this purpose that you have been tested, to prove your loyalty before we asked this of you.” You’ve been guarding my cell for five days, I thought they discovered it yesterday?

            “And what if I refuse?” In response to this question, all seven of them stood up.

            “THE COUNCIL HAS CHOSEN; ALL OF THEIR CHOICES ARE FINAL.”

            Is it too late yet Dere?

            Fortunately for you, it’s never too late to make a deal!

            Ok, I accept. His mind raced, but there was no time to think about this decision. Everything went black.

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            It opens its eyes.

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Chapter Four: A first eventful hour.

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            Two Levians were sitting at the bar. Phoenix studied them as she sipped on her drink, tea. She’d had to come into town to stock up on food, as winter had started early. Almost a month earlier than it should have. She’d been forced to come inside or be outside in a winter storm. So, she sat in the safest seat in the tavern, a lonely table with a view of the entire space and surveyed the Levians.

            She knew they were from Levias for a number of reasons. The first was that they were loud, she could listen to their conversation from across the room. The second was the woman’s jade earrings, unusual for this region. They had matching upper arm tattoos of a snake eating its own tail, which probably meant that they worked for the Levian government directly.

            These were highly unusual people to be here, but they didn’t seem like bounty hunters. If this hadn't been a very small town, she might have pegged them as tourists. They weren’t wearing rings, so probably not a married couple. They seemed like good friends though, which made Phoenix jealous, though she didn’t really think much of it. She took out her necklace, a piece of wood, polished so smooth that it could have been mistaken for a gemstone. It was a gift from her father, he’d given it to her after her sister died, he was already sick and said he didn’t think he’d last much longer. He died that night.

            “Hey, I really love your necklace.” Phoenix had drifted into her own thoughts and was stunned to see that the Levians had come over to her table. It was the girl who had given her the compliment.

            “Oh, oh, oh, umm, Thanks? I guess.” She stammered.

            “Sorry if I intruded, you were looking kind of sad, and then I saw that we have the same necklace.” The woman pulled out a necklace which was, in fact, almost identical to Phoenix’s.

            “Wow, uh, yeah, its cool.” Not to mention impossible, her father had never been to Levias. “How?”

            “What do you mean “how”?”

            “I mean, this necklace was given to me by my father, who had never been to Levias.”

            “Well, then he got it from someone else, because that’s the only place they’re made.”

            “Weird.”

            “You look like you have a lot of stories you could tell.” The large man commented.

            The woman shot him a look. “I’m sorry about Flynn, he means well but doesn’t understand social cues sometimes. We’ll leave you alone now.”

            “He’s not wrong, you can take a seat if you want.” She gestured to the empty chairs. “I’m Phoenix by the way.”

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            Sharon shook Orwen in the middle        of the night.

            He was awake.

            He was running.

He didn’t know what he was running from.

“Get down.”

They both dove.

He thought they had both dove.

His hands were tied behind his back.

            I probably shouldn’t trust her. Orwen’s own thoughts came back to him as he was struck on the head.

He woke up in a dark room, hands shackled to a wall.

            I failed.

            No, I cannot fail, I’ll escape this.

            These are Valkyries, there is no escaping this.

            I’m the freaking Nitehawk, I’ll find a way.

            His thoughts were muddled but quick, probably a concussion. He surveyed his surroundings as his eyes adjusted. He couldn’t make much out.

            Fuck this. He stomped at the ground angrily.

            The cell was small and cramped, with thick iron bars, the shackles were tight enough to cut into his wrists. No way to escape unless he was let out, no way they’d be stupid enough to do that.

            I will escape, I have to. He let out a scream of frustration. But this is going to set me so far back.

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            Hywel woke up with a pounding headache and a feeling like dread. But not for the future, but for the past.

            Yeah, the first time does that to you. There’s water on the table behind you, drink all of it. You’ll die if you don’t drink and eat enough, and neither of us want that yet. Dere’s voice in his head. But all he could think about was water.

            He found the jug and downed the entire thing. But when he looked up, he took a step back in shock.

            The scene before him was horror.

            He could recognize the walls of the Seeker complex, but the buildings had been leveled. Everything had been stained pitch black, like the aftermath of a wildfire, though Hywel knew this had been much, much worse.

            And its my fault.

            His entire world started spinning. He felt dizzy. This was his choice. Everyone was dead. It was his fault. His whole life was gone. He chose this. He must have known the deal wouldn’t end well. Everything he stood for, gone in a moment.

            Am I the bad guy now?

            This one question consumed his entire world as he collapsed back onto the ground.

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Chapter Five: A second eventful hour.

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            The woman had introduced herself as Persephone, and the large man was Flynn. They had plenty of stories of their own to tell, apparently it had been a while since they’d left Levias, and they’d gotten in no small share of trouble since.

            “And then less than an hour after we get rid of the dragon, what do we see, but a pirate flag. Luckily, our ship has wards for cannon fire, but these are pirates with trained dragons we’re talking about.” Flynn was busily recounting the story.

            “So obviously, we just hightail it out of there, we actually used the wind jar we got from the cyclops incident here, because, come on, pirates with dragons.” Persephone interjected to finish the story.

            “Skull and crossbones with wings? On a background somewhere between yellow and green?” Phoenix thought she knew the pirates in question.

            “Exactly.”

            “Well then, that’ll be Jorge Redbeard. Kinda a nasty guy, I hear it’s not even his natural beard color. I got captured by them once, not for very long, but I did see around the ship.” Phoenix leaned in. “Dragon droppings absolutely everywhere.”

            “Hilarious.”

            There was a pause in the conversation, but Phoenix didn’t want to stop talking.

            “So, what actually brings you all this way from Levias?”

             They looked at each other awkwardly, as if sharing a secret conversation through just their eyes, before Persephone apparently decided this was information that could be divulged.

            “It’s complicated, but the short version is that Flynn is suffering from a terrible disease. We’re looking for a cure.” The levity drained from Persephone’s face as she said this.

            “Oh”

            Flynn waved a hand dismissively “Don’t worry about me, I won’t die… at least not soon, I just can’t go back until I’m cured.” He acted like it was the most reasonable reaction in the world.

            “Where are you going?”

            “It’s a small village, named Ser, there’s a healer there, supposed to be the best.” Persephone was apprehensive.

            “I know him, and he is the best.”

            “How?”

            “It used to be my home.”

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            It wasn’t long before someone came to get Orwen. She unlocked the shackles but kept her hand tight on his wrist. Pushing him roughly forward. He didn’t struggle, there wouldn’t be much point yet, he’d been trained for situations like this, he had to follow that training.

            He was led into a large room lit by torches, with a big round table in the middle, surrounded by Valkyries, he could recognize Sharon across the table from him. He was sat down into a chair, and his hands were locked into another set of shackles.

            “Good job people. We caught him.” The Valkyrie in charge spoke to the others. “The Nitehawk, right in our trap.”

            “You just gonna keep gloating?” Orwen was practiced in keeping a calm demeanor.

            “You’re in no position to talk, you fell for it.”

            “I mean, it was a good plan, and lucky timing, you wouldn’t normally be able to do that.”

            “You’re just bitter.”

            “Are you ever gonna tell me why I’m here?”

            The goal was annoyance was keeping the idea that he was completely trapped. This was, of course, not true, these shackles were much looser, he could dislocate his thumbs and slide them right off. But that wouldn’t do him much good right now, surrounded and unarmed, he had to buy time.

            “Why so impatient? It’s not like you’ve got anywhere to go.”

            Orwen smiled. “Actually, you are detaining me from an important mission for the Hunters.” The training was working, and he’d just found his way out, an outward facing window, thirty feet up, not ideal, but workable.

            “Well, if you must know.”

            Monologuing? His respect for the Valkyries was dwindling by the second. The woman in charge was describing gruesome torture methods, but she was putting the implements on the table, about 3 feet in front of him. She had better get fired for such a lapse in judgement. Not that anyone less skilled than Orwen would be able to escape. Then it happened. The guard change, all six subordinate Valkyries filed out of the room through the opposite door, the new ones coming in only a second afterward, but a second was all he needed.

            “I’m really embarrassed for you here.” Orwen said before using Perfection.

            Everything started to move in slow motion. Then his hands were free, then the lead Valkyrie was hit over the head with a large set of thumbscrews. Then he grabbed a spear and vaulted, landing on a ledge 10 feet up. Just 20 more to go, he’d practiced the next move many times. He dashed to the corner, and then using his Speed, ran up the wall, catching the edge of the window and pulling himself up and over onto the other side. He didn’t have any speed left, but he didn’t need it. There was a direct line of sight from here to a dock with a small gondola. He stopped using Perfection, he didn’t need it anymore.

            Clean escape, that’s what they’d trained him for.

            Hywel woke up a second time, but this time, he just stared at the sky.

            I can’t be. I spent my whole life dreaming of fighting… what I am now?

            You’ll destroy yourself thinking like that, believe me I know.

            So, what do I do.

            Distract yourself, anything, I recommend getting off this island and getting us some food.

            I can’t just distract myself from the revelation that I am now everything I know to be wrong.

            What do you think demons have been doing all this time?

            It wasn’t a bad point, so Hywel went looking for a boat, whatever he was gonna do, he needed to get off this island.

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            Chapter 6: Godspeed.

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            It was decided that Phoenix would accompany Persephone and Flynn to Ser. It was a dangerous choice, Persephone and Flynn were still not much better than strangers, but Phoenix didn’t think that she could let them leave without her, during their conversation, something had stirred within her that she hadn’t felt in a long time, and now that she remembered it, it would be impossible to forget anytime soon.

            It was dumb, of course. She didn’t like it. She’d made the same mistake with Karol, and that had left her with a knife between her shoulder blades.

            But this felt different.

            Of course it did, this time she would take precautions. She wouldn’t let herself get too attached, and she’d remain ready to escape at a moment’s notice. She wouldn’t be trapped.

            Persephone and Flynn’s ship was massive, with three masts and several decks. The fact that they had been able to sail it with no extra crew meant that it almost certainly also had magic. It was truly a beautiful thing. And it was fast. Multiple times the top speed of Phoenix’s little gondola. They had enough space to pen up Phoenix’s animals, and within a day of the end of the storm, they had left for Ser, though, even with such a marvelous ship, traveling a hundred miles in outer ring winter would be nigh impossible without masterful navigation skills. Which was probably the only reason why she’d been invited along.

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            Three days and nights in a small gondola adrift in the clouds. Orwen preferred running to boating, but he was competent enough in an emergency, which this definitely constituted. Even though he’d escaped, he’d be hunted down if he wasn’t careful. That’s what had gotten him into this mess in the first place, carelessness, he hadn’t followed his training, he’d been too focused on that one thing that he’d gotten sloppy. He couldn’t afford to get sloppy. He needed to focus on everything all at once. He’d need to do this perfectly to have any chance at completing the mission.

            He finally arrived at his destination. He had no reason to believe that Phoenix was in Asera, but he did have a contact here that might be able to help. He’d been to Asera before, so he knew his way around, but between constantly checking to see if he was being followed and the fog that had been slowly encroaching on more and more of his waking hours due to lost hours of sleep, he missed turns constantly, and actually getting to his destination took him almost two hours.

            Three knocks on the door, pause, repeat, pause, repeat.

            The door was opened, and he was welcomed into a cozy little house with a fire roaring and a meal already cooking. He did not enter but stood in the doorway.

            “You look like absolute crap.”

            “Feel like it too.” Orwen longed to collapse into the guest bed, Bolson always kept it ready. “But I don’t have much time, I gotta get going soon.”

            “Chasing Phoenix still?” “You ought to stay and rest a little, you can’t bring her in in this condition.”

            “You forget who you’re talking to.”

            “All right, all right. You’re in luck, we just got word about her.”

            “Really, where?”

            “Our person trailing the crown prince of Levias saw her leave with them.”

            “So, she’ll be in Ser, and soon.” “That’s a ways away. I better get going. Thanks.”

            Orwen turned to leave.

            “Hey, remember not to run too fast, you’re gonna run yourself to death at this rate.”

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            Hywel had never been very good with boats, but he didn’t know where he was going anyway, so it didn’t matter that he went slowly.

            Where do I go?

            Big island, on the horizon, there’s houses, there’ll be food.

            I know, but after that where? I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.

            Just focus on now, get food, eat it, then you can think about where to go next.

            Do you ever think about anything other than food?

            I think of lots of things that I want.

            Ok, but anything other than what you want right now?

            No, what else would I think about?

            I don’t know. The future, the past, the people around you and what they need. Right and wrong.

            That’s complicated. I prefer food.

            I guess that makes sense. What did the Seekers call you things? Holes in the universe.

            And the very manifestations of hunger and lust, yes, you get it, I eat, and then I go find other things to eat.

            Hywel would not be finding any answers to his problems from Dere, but of course, it wasn’t like he could keep his thoughts to himself, he didn’t know exactly what had happened, but Dere was somehow… a part of him now.

            That’s why you’re evil, I guess. You can’t really be anything else. Unsatisfiable hunger never really helped anyone.

            It helped you.

            At what cost though? Is it even worth it? Considering that my life cost that of others?

            This is why I focus on food. Anyway, we’re here.

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            Chapter 7: A Sight in the Distance.

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            Phoenix looked out from the crow’s nest of the ship across the sea of clouds. She didn’t have to be up here, it was a calm day, and the ship could essentially sail itself. She could have been down on the deck, where Persephone and Flynn were talking. She could be a part of that conversation.

            But she was anxious. She worried about whether this was really a good choice. Her instincts told her that getting too close to these people would end poorly. Like with Karol, and Seria. Her instincts had kept her alive this long.

            And yet…

            Another part of her longed to descend.

            Persephone looked up at the crow’s nest. Phoenix hadn’t come down in a while, she didn’t even think she’d gotten lunch. She was debating whether it would be better to bring her some food, or if she probably needed to be left alone.

            “You should go check on her.”

            “And have to climb all that way?”

            “You could always fly up, I really don’t understand the point of hiding that stuff from her, she seems trustworthy, it’s not like she’s gonna do anything bad to us.”

            “Remember that we’re taking precautions for you. You are way too important to risk like that.”

            “Ok, but we both know you’re gonna check on her. It’s your arms that have to haul you up there.”

            “You could probably throw me.”

            “Is that not more suspicious?”

            “I don’t know.” Persephone left to get some sandwiches.

            “You climbed all that way just to bring me sandwiches?”

            “Indeed, but mostly to check how you’re doing. You’ve been up here for a long time.”

            “Yeah.”

            Phoenix picked up a sandwich off the plate and started eating.

            “You like being alone?”

            “I don’t know if I’d say that.”

            “Then it’s probably just comfortable. You’ve been alone for a long time.”

            “Definitely that.” She took another bite.

            “And going back to Ser is dredging some stuff up.”

            “Going back to your home does that.”

            “It’s not my home, hasn’t been for a long time.”

            “I hear that. I could say the same for where I was born.” Persephone stared wistfully “I assume there’s no family waiting for you?”

            Phoenix shook her head. “I’ve been an orphan since I was 6.” “These sandwiches are really good.”

            Persephone could tell she didn’t want to talk about it. “Thanks, I make my own mustard.”

            Phoenix saw the island of Ser in the distance.

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            Orwen ran.

            The path he was taking had been built recently, to help move supplies for the war effort. Warpaths were always good for him; they took away the requirement for ferries.

            He was using every once of Speed he got, and walking in between uses. This wasn’t the healthiest way to do it, but it was the fastest. He could rest when he’d found her.

            He slept as little as possible. He needed regular sleep, or his Speed wouldn’t work, but he had to keep going. He was so close he could taste it. Several times he’d thought he’d seen Valkyries in the bushes. He didn’t know if he’d know if they were real.

            He was so tired.

            But he had to keep running.

            Run.

            Run.

            Run

            Run.

            Run.

            Run.

            Run.

            Fight.

            They were on him.

            He stabbed.

            They died; he’d hit his mark.

            Run.

            Run

            Run.

            Run

            Run.

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            Hywel ate. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was. He must have eaten every last crumb they had to offer.

            I guess having a demon inside you probably does that. Ok, I ate, now what do I do?

            Probably sleep.

            You’re no help.

            Hey, I just say what I’m feeling.

            Hywel just started walking. He didn’t know what he was looking for, but he hoped he’d know it when he found it.

            Possession seemed to have its merits. Even though he was constantly hungry and sleepy, he didn’t seem to need food or sleep to survive, or at least, he was able to walk without stopping or sleeping for 5 days straight, so that seemed to be the takeaway.

            He finally stopped only when he saw it. The front line of the war. A burning mass of shattered, quickly constructed defenses. They had recently lost a battle. He didn’t know which side they were, and though he might have cared sometime earlier in his life, he couldn’t care less now. All he saw were the dragons.

            You aren’t supposed to use dragons as weapons. In captivity they’re killing machines, and if they get loose, they cause immense amounts of damage, indiscriminately, but in the wild they are gentle giants, and rarely have negative encounters with anything other than sheep.

            The fact that there was a village this close to the front line was a tragedy enough. But there was a village, and dragons. Hywel had no more thoughts.

            It took seconds, or it seemed like seconds, for Hywel to get between the village and the dragons. He had climbed onto the tallest building in town. And he had his bow at the ready already. As soon as the closest beast was within range, the arrow fired, and then Hywel was on the dragon’s back. He didn’t know what he was doing, the power seemed to flow from instinct, not thought, the beast’s throat was torn out and he had leaped to another one.

            It was less than a minute before he landed, standing on top of the last dragon’s corpse, in the center of the village. The villagers didn’t cheer. They had been saved. But not by a hero, but by what was, to the vision of everyone, a monster.

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            It stirs in its nest, looking out over the city.

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            Chapter 8: Continuance.

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            Ser was not like Phoenix remembered. It was a warzone; a battle had broken out recently nearby. Keeping track of the front lines was an impossible task these days. Phoenix hesitated, Flynn and Persephone did not.

            They were immediately in the streets, telling people to get out, to go to their ship if there was nowhere else. Several houses had been hit by projectiles from the battle. Flynn quickly went to work getting people out of them.

            The Firethrower. That’s why the battle was here. Most towns didn’t have one, sole control over one made it almost impossible to attack you, but this town had little value outside of it. Phoenix was running, through the town, through the crowds of people. It was the major threat to the city, but it could be easily neutralized. Until she got to the battle scene.

            This is insane. That didn’t stop her. She threw herself into the mass of soldiers. She was adept at moving through crowds, and she wasn’t wearing the colors that would indicate to either side that she was an enemy. So, it didn’t take her nearly as long as it should have. She didn’t know why she was doing it. She wouldn’t normally risk herself like that. But there wasn’t time to think about that right now.

            The weapon was made of wood, it was trivial to set it alight with her power, though, given its size, it took a while to really start burning. She was outside the crowd of combatants before they started to realize what had happened. Both sides of the battle started retreating quickly, but as she looked back she saw sizeable groups of soldiers peeling off to follow her.

            Drat. She sprinted away as hard as she could. Some of them had horses, she wouldn’t be able to outrun them, but maybe she could get back to the ship before they thought to cut her off. The town looked to have been evacuated successfully. There was a throng of people on the dock. And Flynn and Persephone were… running toward her?

            “What are you doing?”

            “Coming to help you!” Flynn roared.

            “If you didn’t notice, there’s a full army, get to the ship.”

            “We can’t lead them that way, there’s innocent bystanders.” Persephone said.

            “We can’t exactly fight here.”

            “Watch us.”

            Phoenix stopped as she got to them and turned around to face the oncoming army. It was a hundred to three.

            “You’re gonna like this one.” Persephone smiled as she threw off her cloak, revealing a pair of sparkling butterfly wings, which started to flap, as she shrunk within seconds to the size of a squirrel.

            She flew straight towards the oncoming throng, reaching a fast speed before – Phoenix couldn’t believe her eyes – she grew not only to her original size, but fifteen times the size. Digging large furrows into the ground where she landed, and probably more importantly, scaring the horses, and some of the people too.

            “That buys us some time.” Flynn was right. They were chaos now. But it wasn’t over, as a few dozen foot soldiers were still running towards them. “It’s big and flashy, but she can’t maintain that size for very long, she expends enough of her power just staying human sized all the time.” “I don’t suppose you are good at one versus many fighting?”

            “Not really, requires touch.” She held up her hands to indicate she was talking about her powers.

            “Ah, well. I’m sure Persephone will understand that this was necessary. Probably be able to scare these guys off pretty easily.” He turned towards the oncoming soldiers; they were only about 60 cubits away now. He looked towards the sky, and his body started to change.

            Phoenix knew what they were trying to cure now. Ursanthropy.

            Faced with a twelve-foot tall werebear, the soldiers turned tail.

            That was intense. That was insane. Why did I do that?

            Persephone and Flynn were returning to their normal selves as they walked back.

            They didn’t hesitate. I guess I was just following them.

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            There was a point that Orwen got to where he couldn’t feel exhaustion anymore. He couldn’t feel anything anymore. All that was left was determination. He was so close, within mere hours, his mission would be complete.

            There was nothing left to think about but what he would do when he finally saw her face. As he sat eating his dinner – the last dinner before he got to her – he looked into his little mirror (for some reason the Valkyries hadn’t taken it.)

            Soon, it’ll all be worth it.

            He thought of what he���d say to her. What would be a suitable ending line for this, the greatest chase of his life.

            Phoenix Alkaryl, fleet of foot and strong of spirit. I am Orwen Desinor, the Nitehawk, master hunter. You have fled me for too long, but now it is time for this to come to an end.

            He pressed forward, less than a mile left to go.

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            Hywel ate and killed. It was all he could bring himself to do. There was a lot to kill in this part of The Sky, word of him quickly spread, he left quite the impression on those who saw him. He came to understand that people thought of him like a monster, that was how he saw himself, but they knew that if they pointed him in the direction of something evil, he would kill it, it was the only way he clung to the semblance of sanity he had left. He was able to convince himself that even if he was a monster, he could make himself a useful one.

            And Dere was happy to oblige this behavior.

            He caught a reflection of himself in a pool of water. A sunken face, despite all of the food he gorged himself on, he was emaciated. He was taller than he had been (now almost seven feet), but horribly thin, his skin (grey, or purple, or red, or yellow depending on where you looked) hung off of him in most places, as if it was made for a much larger man. His joints hung loose, constantly either horribly stiff or horrifyingly flexible.

            It reminded him of why he was doing what he was doing. He wanted to die, but he couldn't justify doing it in any other way. And so he ripped and tore through the other monsters in these islands, he didn’t know where he was anymore, but he didn’t care.

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            Chapter 9: Face to Face.

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            Qualos wasn’t there. He had died months before, not from the war, but of consumption, the same thing that had killed Phoenix’s father and sister years before. There had been an outbreak, leading to the deaths of dozens of people. There wasn’t anyone left who cared about Phoenix’s exile. Which should have been a relief, it was convenient for her. But she couldn’t be happy about death.

            The damage from the battle wasn’t huge, all things considered, only a few people were injured, and the people who lived in the destroyed houses found other places to stay, at least for the time being. But there was quite a bit to do, and it was almost an hour after the fighting had stopped before Flynn and Persephone approached Phoenix again.

            “So, I’m guessing you have questions?”

            “Not really, I think the fact that you’re a fairy with growth powers and Flynn is a Werebear is evident enough.”

            “That’s not exactly it though.”

            “Hmm.”

            “Flynn is also the crown prince of Levias.”

            “Nice.” Phoenix smiled. She wasn’t especially surprised, the giant fairy thing had kind of prepared her for anything. “Ok, so we got a disgraced prince in exile until he can find a cure for his Ursanthropy, and his guardian slash best friend, the two-inch-tall fairy who pretends to be a human but can also be the size of a giant. Anything else?”

            “That’s essentially it.” “None of that is surprising you?”

            “I’ve had a weird life. Traveling thief isn’t a career for the faint of heart. And honestly, that’s a pretty logical explanation for two Levians with a massive, fancy ship traveling alone to a tiny village at the edge of The Sky.”

            “So where do we go now?” Flynn asked. “I mean, this is a dead end.”

            “For a cure for Ursanthropy?” “The only other possibility is Core.” “That’s a long way though. We need to leave as soon as possible.” Phoenix started towards the ship, she didn’t really want to spend any more time here than necessary, there was no closure here anymore to the pain this town had caused her.

            “Is there nothing else you want to do while we’re here?” Persephone asked.

            “Nope, I told you, this used to be my home.”

            “Well, we can’t leave just now, we have to buy some supplies if we’re going on that long of a trip.”

            Phoenix settled on wandering around the town for a few hours, she’d be couped inside the ship for long enough soon.

______________________________________________________________

            She was right there. He could see her. The journey was over, there was only one thing left for Orwen to do.

            “Phoenix Alkaryl, strong spirited and fleet of foot. I am Orwen Desinor, the Nitehawk. You have fled for a long time, but it is time for this to end. Have you any final words?”

            “Orwen! Nice to see you! It’s been a while.” Phoenix turned around. “Nice speech. A few comments. First, my name is Alkaryl, it’s Liventis, Alkaryl was my mother, though you Hunters probably only have us under her name from the military records. Second, you will not be capturing me today.” She held her dagger close. This would be a hard fight. But he would be attempting to take her in alive, which she knew wasn’t his specialty. She clapped her hands as she said “Ok, let’s do this.”

            This was a distraction tactic, intimidation like this was a Hunter thing. He ignored her and started channeling Perfection he was low on both of his powers, he needed to get this over quickly. And he only had one knife, so throwing was out. He closed the distance quickly, ducking under her first attack and jabbing into her stomach, before dashing back out of reach.

            She was clutching her side where he had stabbed her, but also… smiling? “You’ll have to do better than stabbing old wounds.” Indeed, as she took her hand away from her side, she revealed a charred hole in her shirt, and underneath a large amount of old scar tissue, and the newly cauterized wound.

            He dashed back in, he couldn’t sustain Speed or Perfection much longer, he needed to end this now. Her knife was red hot as she took a swing at him. A torso strike wouldn’t do much to her, she was apparently practiced fighting through the pain, maybe if he hit her wrists? He ran out of Speed, he should have saved some up, but he had been in a hurry. He was still able to perfectly parry the knife, knocking it out of her hands. He turned to strike at her body again as he saw his fatal mistake, with no speed left to dodge it. He’d been focused on the knife; he hadn’t looked at her other hand. It landed on his shoulder, red hot. He blacked out from the pain, he barely had time to scream.

            He had failed.

______________________________________________________________

            Dere saw fear. Hywel saw justification. Or at least a route to it. It was a horrifying scene. Thankfully Hywel knew it wasn’t happening, yet this was the future.

            People screamed. The streets ran red with blood. Hywel didn’t know what was going to cause it, but he thought Dere did. It didn’t matter, he knew he could stop it.

            A beast lingered over the bodies of the people it had slain, licking its lips. Hywel almost cheered. This was what he was looking for. If he was to be a monster, if all that he would be able to do was kill, he could kill this thing, he got the sense that it was the biggest monster of all.

            It cannot be killed. Dere’s voice was panicked. Do not look for it, you will die.

            I think that’s the goal.

            No, you cannot kill this, it is not some small beast. Even we fear it.

            Well, if demons fear it, then it must be evil. Maybe I can find the justification I’m looking for.

            Do you know what happens to me if you die?

            You’ve been fine with it until now.

            Only because you haven’t been after things that I couldn’t beat. That’s no dragon, that’s… IT.

            Well, we better find a way to kill it. Because I’m doing it either way.

            Hywel saw where it would happen, Core. And then he thought he saw It look right at him.

______________________________________________________________

            Chapter 10:

______________________________________________________________

            “We can’t really do anything else except wait for him to wake up.” Persephone had treated Orwen’s burn. It wouldn’t heal completely, Phoenix had only touched him for a second, but the heat had immediately caused a bright white handprint to form, and parts were brown or almost black. “It’s a pretty bad burn, and I think that he was already pretty exhausted, but he should survive.”

            “How long until we’re able to leave?”

            Persephone knew what Phoenix meant; she didn’t want to be here when Orwen woke up. “I don’t want to leave him here; this town doesn’t have anyone trained enough to treat him.” “If that gets infected, and no one is here to help him, he’ll die.” “And quick or not, he can’t get himself to the next town.”

            Phoenix understood that Persephone didn’t want to be responsible for his death, Phoenix didn’t want to either, especially not in this town, but still... “So, we just take him with us?” “Did you forget he tried to kill me?”

            “Yeah, if we’re going to go, we should take him.“ Persephone looked over at where Flynn was “and we need to leave.” She looked at Phoenix “look, I get that you don’t want to travel with him, maybe this is where we leave you.”

            Phoenix balked at that, but she didn’t know why. Yeah, that was the most logical answer. But, for some reason…

            She shook her head “no, you need me if you’re going to navigate all the way to Core.” She was fighting to stay with these people? She’d fought long and hard to get to where she was, she’d gotten paid already, she should just let them go and go back to her little island. Was she really going to choose traveling with the assassin that had hunted her for months.

            Yes, yes, she was. “Look, so long as he’s injured, I don’t think he poses much of a threat. As soon as he can walk though, we drop him off.”

            “Absolutely. And we can keep him in a locked room too.” Persephone smiled; she was glad Phoenix wanted to stay with them. “Hey Flynn, come over here, help me get this guy loaded up so we can leave.”

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen didn’t wake up for almost a day, when he did, he was on his stomach on a large, soft bed in the belly of a rocking ship. His entire back ached, but the pain was by far the worst on his left upper back. He tried to get out of bed, but twisting his body only made it much worse.

            “I wouldn’t try that” Persephone brought in some food. “your left shoulder sustained some nasty burns.” “We definitely need to keep you in bed for at least a few days.”

            “Who are you? Also, where am I?”

            “Oh, yeah, that. Well, we couldn’t exactly just leave you in a town with no doctors with that kind of burn. But we really needed to get going. So, we brought you on board.” “I’m Persephone by the way.”

            “Do you know where Phoenix went?”

            “She’s here too. But I wouldn’t try anything.”

            “She’s here!? Why would you let me travel with her?” Orwen was ecstatic, though confused, maybe he hadn’t failed after all.

            “The other option was to essentially leave you for dead. No one wanted that.”

            Kinda stupid, I would have left her for dead in a heartbeat. But I probably need to pretend to play along for now.

            “All right, I assume I’m at least locked in this room though?”

            “And your daggers are locked up in a closet on the other side of the ship, yeah, we weren’t gonna take that chance.”

            Persephone left, and Orwen started eating his food, he’d be coming up with some sort of plan to complete the mission, but for now, he needed to sleep, his back was killing him.

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel finished climbing the hill. Core was a long way away, so he’d need to pace himself. He’d made good progress; he’d walked nearly 40 miles over the last couple of days. Though, at some point he would have to find a way to increase the pace, he’d probably need to get a ship, he had a sense that what he’d seen would happen in a matter of months, and he needed to travel a lot.

            As he knelt beside the pond, he scooped up some water to drink, he hadn’t had a sip in weeks, he didn’t need it. And he looked at his reflection.

            It was, better, or at least, less bad. The color was starting to return to parts of his face, and the bags under his eyes had shrunk significantly, he’d slept for the first time in a while. His increased height had not diminished, he still stood almost seven feet tall, compared to his natural 5 foot 4, but he looked significantly less emaciated.

            What has happened to me? Is it really newfound purpose, or am I just getting used to being a monster?

            Dere remained silent, he suspected he was being given a form of cold shoulder for his choice.

            He was still drenched in blood, so he used this opportunity to bathe. His clothes were mostly ruined, and none of them fit well anymore.

            I need to get new ones; I’ll need to be some manner of presentable if I expect to be able to get a ride to Core.

            His hair had grown ragged, it was long, but it had been falling out in tufts. He was surprised to see that he still he still had his dagger. He cut as much of the hair off as he could, better bald than patchy. He left his beard.

            Wait, that’s odd, I couldn’t grow one before.

            Sometimes that happens. Dere spoke up for the first time in a while. If your hair comes back, it might come back curly too. Possession does weird things to human bodies.

            Oh, I hear you’re speaking up again.

            Just here to remind you that if you are doing hygiene, you should trim your nails, they look like claws.

            Indeed, they did.

            You deciding to be helpful all of a sudden?

            Maybe if we get you back in civilized society, I can convince you not to kill yourself.

            Not a chance. Hywel smiled as he scrubbed the blood from beneath his fingernails, the first time in at least two months that he had smiled. But I appreciate the sentiment.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 11: A long trip

______________________________________________________________

            Phoenix sat on the deck, this area of the sky was calm, which meant slow going, but also not a lot to do as a navigator, so she was sharpening her knife.

            “It’s a beautiful thing, glad to see you’re keeping it in good shape.” Flynn sat down beside her.

            “It’s broken, it used to be able to fold, it also used to have a wooden handle.” Repetitive heat had fused the tang and the blade together, she’d had to weld additional metal onto it several times to keep it usable, the handle had now been shaped to almost exactly fit her hand.

            “Put another way, it’s been shaped into exactly the right shape for its use.” “Weapons designed for magic have to be unique, that’s what makes them beautiful.”

            “Every time I use it in battle, I have fix it up again, otherwise the blade warps.”

            Flynn nodded “yeah, it’s a lot of work to hone after every fight, but what you get in return is a perfectly natural tool. I’ve seen how you fight; you use that knife like an animal uses claws, I would know.” He balled his hands up into fists.

            “How does it feel?” Phoenix asked.

            “Being a Werebear?”

            “Yeah, that”

            “It’s not bad. It’s never been the being so much as the being seen as that’s the problem.” “When I actually transform, all I feel is the power of it, like I can do anything I want to.” “That’s kind of the worst part too, is coming out of it, and not feeling that anymore.”

            “Feeling like you can’t actually change anything that matters.”

            “Yeah, that”

            “And then comes the fear, that you’ll be trapped, and something bad will happen to you.”

            “I don’t know about that; I’ve been living on borrowed time for a while. It’s more so feeling that I’m trapping her.”

            “Persephone?”

            “Yeah, she cares a lot, and she’s determined that I have to survive.”

            “You won’t die though.”

            “Not from ursanthropy directly, no, but my father, as much as he pretends. Well, we think he’s the one sending people after us. We talk a big game, but we barely survived the last attack, I don’t think we, I, make it all the way to Core.”

            “He would do that?” Phoenix was astounded.

            “He was willing to when we were back in Levias, said he ‘couldn’t allow exceptions to the rule of law’, even for his own son.” “I think he’s always seen me as less than my brothers, might have just been looking for an excuse.”

            “I can’t even imagine that.”

            Flynn smiled, trying to cut the gloominess of the conversation “don’t feel too bad, at least I got to grow up as a prince.”

            “I mean, that doesn’t make any of that less tragic…”

            “I don’t care that much, I’ve just kinda dealt with it.”

    ��       “That doesn’t work.”

            Flynn raised an eyebrow.

            “Running from your feelings I mean.” “Believe me, I’ve tried.”

            “I wouldn’t call it that… I’ve just got, thick skin, that’s it.” “It doesn’t get to me.”

            “Must be nice.”

            “You’ve been running though?”

            “Until it catches up with me.”

            “And then you fight like a cornered animal.”

            “That’s one way to say it.”

            “Like, not trying to kill it, just make it go away.”

            “I don’t like killing.”

            Flynn nodded. “Does anyone really like it?”

            “The last time I killed I broke my dagger.”

            “That must be a good story.”

            Phoenix looked at him seriously, “it was a bear, it almost killed me, gave me this” she pulled her sleeve up to reveal a nasty bite mark on her shoulder “but I killed it. I don’t like killing, so I haven’t killed since, I just run, and when I’m cornered.” “Well, if you don’t want to kill, you have to learn to inflict pain instead.”

            “A lot of it.”

            “Yeah, that.”

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen lay in bed. The room had no windows, which, on a boat this fancy looking, probably meant it was toward the bottom. The walls were likely to sturdy to have a hope of breaking through, and there was no access to the door lock from this side, so picking wasn’t going to be an option. The only way he would be able to break out would be to jump Persephone when he brought him his food. If he did that, he could probably escape, assuming they didn’t have someone watching for him immediately outside the door.

            His wound had healed considerably since he had come aboard the ship, but he strictly speaking still needed more rest. This, combined with his reluctance to assault Persephone, she seemed like such a nice person, led him to conclude that his best chance for completing the mission lay in a more, diplomatic approach. Gain their trust, lead them as close to Hunter headquarters as possible, and then bring Phoenix in at the last possible minute. He probably also wanted to save as much Speed and Perfection as possible. That meant sleep and food, easy enough, whoever was cooking the food was an amazing chef.

            “I hope you’re hungry” Persephone walked in, talking in the sweet, almost sing-song tone she usually used with him, “we’ve got something delicious today, Phoenix made Borscht, I hear it’s a family recipe.”

            “Does Phoenix normally cook? I’ve been wondering who it was.”

            “Ever since we found out she’s absolutely amazing at it, we’ve refused to even touch a pot.”

            After he tasted the soup, wonderfully meaty, he said “probably the right call.”

            “From what I can tell, she just appreciates having this full of a set of ingredients.” “How’s your shoulder?”

            “Much better, thank you. It’s been feeling better every day.”

            “Well,” she turned to leave “let me know if you need anything else.”

            “Hey, Persephone”

            “Yes?”

            “Seriously, thanks for doing this for me, most people I know wouldn’t.”

            She walked away smiling. Exactly what Orwen needed.

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel ran now. He had avoided crossing the war line before, but he could no longer. But the borders were closed, so there wasn’t an easy way to get across. And what was more troubling was that he had alerted seekers to his location. They had been tracking him down, whatever remnant of the Seekers was left apparently had capturing him as their first priority.

            So, he was running, both from half a dozen trained Seekers and a large contingent of soldiers, who had at least a few boats. Thankfully, the wind was low today, so the boats couldn’t outrun his enhanced speed. He would have been captured ages ago if not for a confluence of lucky factors. He would almost definitely be captured soon, he knew where he was, and he had studied this area, Seekers were required to know the general layout of all the land around the war line. This road was old and would run out in less than a mile.

            He didn’t want to have to fight them. They didn’t stand a chance, with Dere’s help he could probably have plowed through the entire alliance army, but he wouldn’t be able to avoid killing them, enough people had died needlessly because of him already.

            So, he’d have to figure out a way to escape.

            There’s the end of the road. Nothing within a thousand feet.

            Two thousand feet out, there’s a rock, with a running start I can get you most of the way, and then shoot an arrow.

            If I’m even a little short though…

            You could always turn around and fight!

            No.

            He stopped about a dozen feet short of the edge, turned around and surveyed the oncoming army, and then he looked over the edge, nothing. If he fell, he would be falling forever.

            I wouldn’t take that risk if I were you, you have choices here. Instead of throwing yourself over the possible suicide gap, you could stand and fight or let yourself get captured and break out later.

            Hywel took a deep breath. No, if I want to believe I can be redeemed, there is no choice.

            He backed up and took a running start. With Dere’s power, he launched himself across 100 feet, 500 feet, 1000, 1500, he just had to shoot this arrow 250 feet, not the easiest, but he could do it.

            He knocked the arrow, drew, and shot. It raced toward that solitary rock…

            And missed.

______________________________________________________________

Chapter 12: Impossibilities

______________________________________________________________

            The wind had picked up, it was howlingly fast, the middle ring was known for wild changes in weather, but this was stronger than Phoenix had seen in a long time.

            “If this keeps up, we’ll be in Dorsinli this afternoon.” She had to shout to be heard over the wind.

            “Really? It feels like we just left Nerestar.” Flynn shouted back. It had taken three weeks to get from Ser to Nerestar, but only four days to get to where they were. “We’re making good time!”

            “Remember that the distance from the middle ring to the inner ring is longer, and from the inner ring to Core, that’s going the feel interminable.”

            “That’s not what the map shows.”

            “I forget that you haven’t been farther in than the capital of Levias.” “Let me finish tying this up then I’ll come down and explain it.” The sail needed to be secured better, she finished tying the knot and then quickly climbed down the netting.

            “Ok, so this is weird for people who were born on the Outer Ring, like us, but I forget that they don’t teach it in Levias, given that it only has territory in the Outer Ring.” “As you get closer to the middle of the map, it gets less accurate.”

            “Couldn’t they just draw the map better.”

            “No, see, there is no actual middle of the Sky. The radius is infinite.”

            “How does that work?”

            “No one really knows, but if you walk towards where the middle would be, you just find more sky. So, as you get closer to the middle, the map can’t be drawn right, because the circumferences of concentric circles still decrease.”

            “That’s not geometrically possible” Flynn looked at Phoenix with a side eye.

            “Thus, why the map doesn’t show it. But anyway, what it means is that each ring is significantly smaller around than the outer ones but the chords across them are increasingly long with respect to their circumferences.”

            “Wait, wouldn’t that mean that they get to the point where its quicker to go around the circle than across it.” Flynn looked fully confused.

            “Indeed, it depends on how far in the middle ring, but in the inner ring, every two points can be reached in less distance by a circular path than a straight one through the inside.”

            “Hey Persephone, have you heard this before?” She’d just gotten back from taking Orwen his food.

            “What is it?”

            “I was just explaining hyperbolic space to Flynn here.”

            Persephone’s face scrunched up in disgust. “I’m so glad I don’t have to navigate anymore.”

            “Yeah, it only gets worse as you get further in, but it’s that or stay here with the bad weather.” Phoenix had learned the hard way, navigating by yourself out of even the middle ring was insanity.

            “Hey Phoenix, Orwen wanted to say something to you.” “I told him you probably wouldn’t come.”

            “Can I have Flynn outside the door?”

            “Sure, I’ll stand guard.”

            “Then there’s not much to worry about.”

______________________________________________________________

            Orwen was surprised to see Phoenix come in.

            “You came?”

            “Yeah, there’s not much reason not to. I don’t have a lot else to do today.”

            “I just wanted to say”

            “You’ll say you’re sorry, I honestly don’t believe you. And it’s ok by the way. For you to hate me. I’d rather be on a ship with a thousand people who hate me openly than one who pretends to like me.”

            Orwen opened his mouth to speak, but Phoenix raised a hand. “And don’t say it was only professional, we both know that’s not true; no one runs themselves that ragged for a job.”

            I do sometimes Orwen thought probably too often, but there was no point in trying to convince Phoenix that he was, merely, following orders. “You’re right, it was personal.” “Still is. You have to know I still want to take you in.”

            “Yeah, I figured that.”

            “So, why’d you agree to travel with me.”

            “It’s my principal flaw. I get too attached to people, I can’t leave.” She shrugged “They betray me, or they leave.” She said it in a nonchalant tone. “That’s why I have so many of these.”

            “You know I could kill you right now if I wanted.”

            “Oh, believe me, I know. But I’m not stupid, I wouldn’t have come if I thought there were a chance of that.” “You have to take me in alive.”

            He did indeed.

            “Not that alive.”

            Phoenix chuckled at that one. “Hey, can you walk yet? I wanna show around the ship.”

            “Now why would you do such a thing? I just threatened to kill you.”

            “Oh, you’re so serious about the whole assassin thing. Its gonna grind your gears so hard to know you can’t bring me in yet.”

            That much was true, it frustrated him to no end, but he wanted a distraction, and this sort of played into his plan. Though, what Phoenix had said about people betraying her got to him a bit. Just a bit. “Yeah, I can walk, let’s see it.”

______________________________________________________________

            Hywel was only falling for a minute, but it felt like an eternity, by the time he realized that the first arrow had missed, he had no time to shoot another.

            Well, this is how it ends, I guess. At least I’m taking you down with me.

            He must have been almost a mile below the island when he felt a firm grip on the back of his shirt.

            “Well, thank goodness, you’re a lot lighter than you look.”

            He looked up, astonished to see a woman with two giant feathered wings sprouting from her back. She could only be described as radiant, quite literally seeming to glow, as if something within her could not be contained, and was struggling to be free.

            She managed to drag him all the way up to the rock he had been aiming for. They could see the soldiers gathering at the end of the path.

            “Ah, don’t worry about them, we’re almost past the border already, they won’t chase us any farther.” “I’m Karol by the way.”

            “Hywel” “How, how did you find me?”

            “If you didn’t notice, everyone on this side of the Sky has been following you for almost a month. I’ve been tailing you for a while, to make sure you don’t do anything stupid, like taking a plunge into the Void.”      “Hey, I’d love to chat later, but we need to get going, they won’t follow us across the border, but we have about 1000 feet left.”

            They traveled a pretty good distance, the rocks were close enough now that Hywel could jump between them.

            “Sorry if this is offensive” Hywel started talking almost as soon as they had stopped “but what’s with the wings?”

            “A recent thing, possession works weirdly.”

            “Wait, you have a demon too?”

            She raised an eyebrow “you don’t know much about how this stuff, do you?”

            “Not a demon, then?”

            She shook her head “no, demons are spirits of emptiness. Mine is a devil, a spirit of fullness, of bursting and limitless possibility.”

            You’ve been awfully silent about this whole affair Dere.

            Demons and Devils don’t mix. We kill each other.

            “That seems infinitely preferable to mine.”

            “Oh, it is, I wouldn’t have hunted down a demon.”

            “You mean, you actually wanted to be possessed?”

            “It’s a marvelous power, I wanted to be strong, so I could help people, I failed before.” “I think you’re the same, we both want to cleanse the world of its evil. That’s why I followed you.”

______________________________________________________________

@brokendarkfairyempressforever

@hijabi-flavored-nerd

I fixed a few things. Its almost 13 thousand words now, by far the longest thing I've ever written, and getting close to the halfway point plot-wise, which means that technically this will probably end up at Novella length (Its already 30 pages in the Word document I'm writing in).

Actually, I'm gonna tag some of my other mutuals as well, I won't tag you again though unless you want to...

@queenpiranhadon

@nervousscissorsgoopthing

@betanian117

@justalunaticfangirl

@shrxe

[puppyeared]

Atla live action 😐

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I was just listening to a song I used to love while we were friends. I listened to it so often, we talked so often, it became the background music to our relationship.

I'm listening to it while I knit. I often forget that I started knitting because of you. I remembered tonight. It's strange, I never knitted anything for you. I've knitted for other loved ones, rarely for myself, but never for you. I remembered you showing me the amazing things you made, and I wished I could get to that level of skill. But at that time, you had to explain to me how to purl because I couldn't get it.

Everything reminds me of you in a terrible way. Everything I do is an echo of you. I started painting so that I could paint for you. I started knitting to bond with you. I hear your voice in the music I listen to. You're haunting the things that I love. Will I ever make a brush stroke or stitch without you on my mind?

[faaun]

they r soooo. anyway

[samsspambox]

*shoves face in hands*

so as some of you may know i used to date someone but not anymore bc he was an asshole that thought video games were more important. point being i've been single for like,,, 6 months and i kinda got promoted at my little jobby job a month ago so im in a completely new location and being trained by new people

tell me why when i decide to hunker down and start working on myself properly someone asks for my number

*looks up at universe* PLEASE I NEVER ASK TO BE IN THESE SITUATIONS

[caffeinewitchcraft]

AITA for telling my boyfriend’s coworkers that he’s lying about his body count?

I (35f) have been dating my boyfriend (32m) for four years. It’s honestly been the best relationship until last Friday when it all went down. I feel like I’m in the right, but now I’m wondering if I overstepped.

For context, my boyfriend has been a professional Slasher for about eight months now. He’s always really admired Cryptids, Monsters, and Nightmares so when his application was finally accepted, he was over the moon even if he was starting in a lower position than he initially applied for.

At his company, being a Slasher requires a lot of travel which we knew when he accepted the position. The end goal is for him to get a promotion to at least regional Nightmare (he wants Cryptid, but that position doesn’t have a lot of turnover) but to get that he needs to be in role for at least 12 months OR meet his goals for three months in a row. Once he promotes, we plan to relocate to his new region and “start talking about our future.”

(Side note: no this isn’t about him not popping the question yet. We are both in agreement that marriage comes after financial stability. I run a small business doing scare consults and, while it’s been growing, I wouldn’t call it stable yet. So neither of us are ready.)

I told him it’s completely normal for it to take a whole year before he’s ready to promote and he really should focus on adjusting to the company before thinking about next steps. I used to work for a competitor (I’ve been retired for five years now) and I know it can be hard to go from only taking the occasional human life to having to take over half a dozen a week. It’s not a light workload, no matter how easy it looks in the movies. One of my best friends Slashes part-time and she still only averages about five lives a week despite having done it for years. Especially these days, it can be really hard to meet quota. Humans are getting smarter, no matter what the Council wants us to think.

Anyway, boyfriend didn’t do as well as he thought he would in his first couple months. Totally understandable, of course, which I told him. I suggested he ask his boss if he could be put on a couple team assignments or even a duo until he got the hang of it. That was our first real fight. He thought I was doubting his ability to kill. He brought up how I told him it would take over a year to promote and how I said that this job wasn’t for everyone (His first assignment ended with a 0% kill rate, but that’s a different story). He said it felt like I didn’t believe in him and he said that if that was the case then maybe we shouldn’t be thinking about marriage so soon.

It got pretty messy after that. I felt like he was forgetting that I’d worked in the same field and, arguably, had a lot more experience (not to brag, but I averaged a 98% kill rate). Also, four years is NOT too soon to talk about marriage. He said I didn’t understand how he needed to focus on his career right now. I told him I thought he was taking Slasher too lightly just because it wasn’t Cryptid. He accused me of not respecting him and then things spiraled from there.

We both said a lot of things we didn’t mean and I’m embarrassed that it turned into a bit of a fang measuring contest. I ended up sleeping under the bed for a few nights until he coaxed me out to apologize.

It was a rough patch, but we talked it out. We agreed that, going forward, I wouldn’t offer advice unless he asked and he would try not to take so much of his frustration home with him. He took a weekend off and we went on a recreational haunting trip in the Montana woods.

Things did get better after that. I tried not to give him consults every time he came back from a work trip. He started bringing me souvenirs like roses and cursed puzzle boxes his work said he could have. It became easier just to hang out with each other and it felt like we were back to normal.

But then, four months ago, he came home super pissed because his boss put him on a PIP. (A performance improvement plan.) Apparently, boyfriend had not been doing better at work, he had just stopped telling me when he had a bad assignment. I saw the paperwork he got (he left it in the dungeon under the house, I didn’t go through his stuff) and he’s been missing quota by a LOT. As a junior Slasher, he was supposed to be executing at least 6 people a week, but he’d been lucky to be maiming half that.

Obviously, I had to talk to him about that. We rent our house and, even though I could have afforded the rent on my own, I didn’t want to jeopardize the investments I was making in my business (I was in the process of hiring an assistant to handle my scheduling). Plus, we agreed from day one that we would be 50/50 on rent and I would take care of the rest of the bills because I earned more. I felt that if his financial situation was in jeopardy, he needed to talk to me about it.

I tried to approach him a bit differently than last time. I asked him if there was anything I could do to help. I told him about my slasher friend and how maybe she could give him advice if he didn’t want any from me. But he said he needed to figure stuff out on his own and that if he couldn’t get himself off the PIP then he would go back to work for his dad’s janitorial company.

I let it go. I was worried but I didn’t want to fight again just after patching the holes from the last blow out. It really bugged me that he thought I didn’t believe in him so I committed to giving him the benefit of the doubt. I said okay and asked him if he needed me to meal prep for both of us that week. He offered me grocery money, but I said it was fine since I’d had to deal with a lot of humans breaking in lately and I still had some leftover in the dungeon.

Fast forward a month. Boyfriend got off the PIP super fast. He worked his way off of it over Spring Break and started taking on a lot of extra assignments. In just four weeks he went to Miami Beach twice, New York City twice, and to three separate summer camps. I missed him and it was hard not having him around but I remembered how he said he needed to focus on his career and I tried not to nag.

It was hard not to nag though. With him gone, all the housework fell on me. We rent a 19th century manor, and its upkeep really does need two people. Doing all the chores plus running my business started to really drain me. Even when he was home, he forgot to banish the ghosts (my chore is to kill all invading humans, and his chore is to banish their ghosts) and he never took out the trash. I think he cleaned blood off the dungeon walls once, but then I had to basically redo it because he missed a lot of spots.

But still, I didn’t say anything because he was doing really well at work and I didn’t want to ruin that for him. Even when Humans started breaking in every week, I didn’t complain even though it interrupted my work day.

Last month though, I did ask him if we could move somewhere that needed less maintenance. There were just way too many Humans breaking in and I didn’t have the time to deal with them anymore. Even if I don’t do all the theatrics I used to as a Cryptid, killing humans through fear still takes a lot of time. He asked me if I didn’t appreciate the free meat, and I said I would appreciate it more if I wasn’t the only butchering it.

He said he didn’t want to move because he was really close to getting promoted to regional Nightmare and he didn’t want to take time off work to move. I was so surprised that I couldn’t hide how surprised I was. He saw and got offended. He asked if I still didn’t believe in him. I said that I did, but it was a huge jump to go from an 8% kill rate to getting promoted.

He got even more mad at me for bringing up his stats and he said that he had nearly 80% kill rate since being put on the PIP. I asked how many humans a week he was slashing and he told me I was being too nosy and that was proof that I didn’t believe in him.

I asked him if we could at least hire a ghoul then to keep the humans out of my office and he said he didn’t want to waste the money that we should be saving for our new house. I asked him what he wanted me to do then? I had to take phone calls for my consulting business and it was really hard to stalk humans all around the house while trying to sound like a professional to my clients.

He asked me to be patient for one more month. He said if he met quota for one more month, his boss said he’d get promoted. So I said fine and let it go.

Fast forward to now, almost a full month later.

Last Friday, I attended the Eldritch Conference. For those not in the scare field, the Eldritch Conference is the most prestigious event in our industry. It’s invitation only and is a chance to network with all the big players in the field. Mothman, the Jersey Devil, Bloody Mary and Bigfoot all spoke this year and both my former company, Grudge Industries, and my boyfriend’s current company, Forgotten Summer Solutions, were invited.

I was surprised to get an invite as a solo contributor to the field. However, my consulting firm has really been doing well and I did land a seasonal contract with the Yeti Co-op which I guess is how they heard about me. Plus, I’ve been a speaker before so I think the organizers knew I would behave myself.

I was planning on telling my boyfriend that I was going, but he was out of town on a co-ed sleepover assignment. He usually doesn’t have his phone on during his assignments, so I didn’t bother calling him. I just figured it’d be nice if we ran into each other at the conference if he made it back in time.

Which brings me to what actually happened (apologies for the long post).

So everything went great for my part of the day. I got to network with a lot of individual businesses and even got to reconnect with Blood Mary who I knew back in my Cryptid days. I told her I was dating a Slasher from Forgotten Summer Solutions and invited her to come with me to check out their booth. I thought it would be fun to grab dinner with her after since I assumed if my boyfriend was there, he’d be going out with coworkers which he often does. Plus, I admit, I was showing off a little. I don’t often get the chance to brag about my Cryptid days.

She agreed and we went over to see if my boyfriend was there.

I introduced myself to the people manning the booth. My boyfriend wasn’t there, but a few Slashers recognized my name and greeted me. They were definitely in awe of Bloody Mary (she came in full uniform) and invited us to look at their displays. They had portfolios for each Slasher on the desk as a sort of preview of what their services looked like.

While Bloody Mary looked through the portfolios, I chatted with my boyfriend’s coworkers. They said they were thrilled to work with him and that, even though he had a really rough start, it was impressive how quickly he started meeting his goals. Something about how they talked about his work kind of didn’t make sense. They were talking like he was killing a dozen humans a week, but he’d told me that he was at 80% on his assignments which typically only offer about ten humans each.

I asked them about it and they said that he’d been Slashing during After Hours which is a new goal supplement program his company launched a few months ago. Basically, anyone can sign up for After Hours and the company counts human kills done in uniform as part of their quota. I asked them if this was available to them while they were on assignment and they said no, it had to be done when they had down time. I asked them how my boyfriend was part of that when he was traveling all the time and they looked confused. One of them said that my boyfriend is still getting one assignment per week and is then supplementing his kill rate with After Hours.

At that point, I was even more confused. It sounded like my boyfriend had been lying to me then, because he told me that he was getting at least two assignments a week. If he was only getting one, then where was he going when he said he was traveling?

Bloody Mary interrupted before I could say anything and asked how their Slashers did their kills. They said that every Slasher at their company is required to use a standard issue weapon (like a machete or axe) for their kills to count. They said their company doesn’t count accidents as part of their quota (like falling or heart attacks).

Bloody Mary pulled me aside and showed me the portfolio she was holding. She said that she was going to give me a chance to explain without them overhearing and showed me the book. She said that a bunch of kills in it looked Cryptid kills. And she said, specifically, it looked like the kills I made when I was a Cryptid. I took the book from her and flipped through it and she was right, they really did look like Cryptid kills. Worse, I recognized a few of the Humans from the past few weeks. They were actually my kills!

Kill stealing is a major taboo in our industry.

I told her I didn’t know anything about this. She looked really relieved at that and said that even though I wasn’t a Cryptid anymore, it would look really bad for me if I was caught helping a Slasher cheat at their job. It could affect my business which she’d only heard good things about.

I’m embarrassed to say that I tried to defend him. He’s new to our industry so I thought it might be a mistake. He might not be trying to cheat, this could be a misunderstanding.

She said she didn’t think so because a mistake would be one or two of my kills mixed in with his, not the entire book.

I counted up how many photos were in the book and, all told, of the 146 kills, at least 100 were mine. I couldn’t really say it was a mistake at that point and I was just staring at his portfolio like an idiot. Bloody Mary asked me what I was going to do because, mistake or not, this looked really bad and could damage my reputation if it got out.

At that moment, another man walked up to booth and asked us if there was a problem. I knew that if I said anything, I would be jeopardizing my boyfriend’s job, but if I didn’t say something, I was jeopardizing my business.

I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count. I said I didn’t think that they knew he was doing it, but over half of the kills in his portfolio weren’t his and I suggested they remove it from their display before another Cryptid came by and realized it.

The other man thanked me for bringing this to his attention and asked how we knew. Bloody Mary said that she knew another Cryptid’s kills and I had to tell them that I was that Cryptid, though I was retired now. He asked me if I knew my boyfriend was doing this, and I told him no.

I told him I really didn’t want to get my boyfriend in trouble and suggested that maybe he didn’t know those kills didn’t belong to him because they happened in our house. I was grasping at straws and Blood Mary even looked sad for me. His coworkers looked skeptical but tentatively agreed. The man – who turned out to my boyfriend’s boss – said that they would investigate this thoroughly and apologized personally for his employee’s misconduct.

I was spiraling at that point so I thanked him and said I wasn’t mad, I was just looking out for both of our reputations. He promised to keep it between us and I agreed.

Then I apologized to Bloody Mary because I didn’t feel like eating dinner anymore. She said she understood and wished me well.

I went home and did a quick perimeter search of the property. Sure enough, there were human summoning stones ALL OVER the yard. Which means my boyfriend was intentionally luring humans to our house to get me to kill them so he could take credit. It wasn’t a mistake at all.

My boyfriend came home later that night in his work clothes. As soon he got inside he started yelling. He said he was suspended without pay and that all his hard work was for nothing.

I said I knew he’d been stealing my kills and he almost ruined my reputation. He said they still counted as his kills because he did all the work of luring the humans to our house.

I told him that wasn’t how it worked and he knew it. He said it was the same as setting a trap and I was taking this too seriously. I told him that, as a Slasher, he has to use a weapon to get his kills, not me. He said I was basically the same thing since I had such a high kill rate. I asked him if he was calling me an object.

(My parents exploited me by selling me as a haunted doll through a lot of my childhood and he knows I’m sensitive to being called an object.)

He backpedaled at that point and asked if I didn’t want to buy a house together. He said he was doing it for us and I should’ve understood and not said anything. I told him that when I was a Cryptid I had my pride and would’ve never done this.

He said I needed to tell his boss that he was the one who made all those kills. I said it wasn’t me who recognized them as Cryptid kills and now his boss knew too. He accused me of thinking I’m better than him because I have telekinetic powers and can move through shadows and can possess people, while he’s basically a human himself. I told him of course not and that I worked hard for those powers unlike him.

He got really mad at that and actually charged at me with his machete raised. I don’t think he was going to actually hit me, but I reacted like he was. It was all instinct. I disarmed him and I swear I heard a crack when I grabbed his wrist. I shoved him into the wall.

 He crumpled to the floor and started crying. He said sorry and sort of curled up around his wrist. He said he didn’t ever feel like he was enough for me and he didn’t even know why I was still with him. He called himself a bunch of names and said I would be better off without him.

I sort of awkwardly stood there for a minute. On one hand I wanted to assure him that he was enough and that I loved him, but, on the other, I wasn’t sure I could forgive him. He nearly ruined my reputation, and he embarrassed me in front of Bloody Mary. Plus, I still didn't know where he’d been going all those times he said he was on a business trip and apparently wasn’t.

So I ended up not saying anything. I went to our room and started packing a bag. He followed me. He was still crying as he begged me not to go. He said he would own up to his kill steals at work and he would make it right. He pleaded for me not to leave him and that he would give up slashing.

I told him I needed space to think. He tried to grab me, but I shadow walked out of the house. I heard him screaming from outside and I hurriedly drove away.

Now I’m at my friend’s house and I told her everything. She agreed I did the right thing walking away from him, but when I asked her what I should do she hesitated. She said that my boyfriend wasn’t right to kill steal but, as a fellow Slasher, she understood what he was going through. She said I wouldn’t understand the pressure to meet quota because I was always surpassing mine when I was in the field. She said that a Cryptid could never understand a Slasher.

She also said that nobody would have found out about his kills if I hadn’t brought them to his boss’ attention. She said the only time kills are on display like that is at the Eldritch Conference and by the next one, he’d have had kills of his own. She thinks that if I’d just confronted him at home, he wouldn’t be on suspension.

So now I’m worried that I overreacted when I told my boyfriend’s coworkers that he was lying about his body count.

AITA?

----

Thanks for reading! Several amazing supernatural citizens (aka my Patrons) gave great advice to our poor OP over on my Patreon! Please go check them out here (X)

(I will definitely be posting some of them here in the near future!)

My next supernatural AITA is already up to my patrons!

It's called "AITA for divorcing my vampire husband because he lied about his human job?"

Patrons get to see many of my stories a week ahead! If that interests you please check me out here (X)!

[steviescrystals]

guys things are happening

[deadghosy]

☆BEING MATTHEO’S CHILDHOOD FRIEND TO LOVER ☆ male version||female version

COMPLETELY protective over you ever since childhood. He literally fought a kid back then because they didn’t like that you were a “girl” playing boy games with them. You were sensitive back then, so of course you cried to mattheo about it. And mattheo did something about it. He punched the kid and stole their teddy bear to give it to you.

He asks you about girl things so he can flirt and treat a girl better. You could be literally reading a romance book, and he wants to learn too. Please teach him or else he’s gonna whine about losing another girl.

“Sooooo what does a girl like for a guy like me to tap that ass…cause I got a girl on my roster..” mattheo says sliding by you in the library table you sat in. You were literally getting to the good part of where the two main characters were gonna kiss. “Why are you asking me these questions riddle…” you say with venom in your tone towards his last name. Mattheo frowned. “Actually my name from you is Matty, Matt, and matty bear. So please—”

“—Please kill yourself and never let your soul rest after.” You say getting up from the library table and walking away. Mattheo’s jaw drop as he followed you offended. He never interrupted your reading time ever.

When your period comes…he’s asking you “what the fuck that is” and “why is it hurting you” with a frown. He’s thinking he can solve it like any other with a wave of his wand…but it’s more complicated when you explained how your uterus is shredding itself and that’s all you can get out before mattheo started to gag and leave your dorm room like the overdramatic king he is.

He still loves you dearly so he got you tea and some materials you need for the rest of your week.

Sometimes when you two have a sleepover, which is just either of you two sneaking into the girls dorms or the boys. You two gossip like little girls ready to rip someone’s heart out.

Mattheo is 50/50 on you doing makeup on him. But if you really plead and want to do it. He’s gonna let you. He can’t say no to you sadly.

A guy had broken your heart once, so he broke his face in…and broke his dick. Don’t ask.

Couple of girls hated how close you were to Mattheo. He’s a handsome guy, so of course people may spread rumors around. And Mattheo doesn’t really like that, he’s going to the girl and showering her how equal rights have hands.

If you two ever argue, it leads to Mattheo apologizing first. He’s a sucker for you, he doesn’t know why. He just doesn’t want you to be mad at him.

It’s even worst when you talk to anyone else than him.

When you fully ignore him, no texting, no calling, not even talking to you in public and being by you makes him go insane. He’s smoking in the courtyard. Jaw tightened as he eyes you across. He can tell that you know he is staring. He can tell you know indeed when you shift a lot.

The way you feel his burning gaze on you, it made you feel warm. You always loved mattheo, but with him always “going after” girls…you just thought that maybe he wouldn’t love you back.

Jealousy is something mattheo has built into him. He doesn’t know why, so when a ravenclaw student tried to ask you out. He couldn’t stand it. He had to take you away. He couldn’t bare to lose you. He ushered you away from the student, taking you to an empty classroom. He couldn’t handle not being near you, he hated it the most. You are his other part.

He hates it.

“I don’t know who that guy was. But you’re mine. Okay? You’re mine, you always have been even if we both didn’t recognize it. Shit, I know I’m dumb to think to just push my feelings away from you. But I can’t help but love how you are so amazing…” he says slowly at the end. Kissing your head and closing his eyes. You smile slowly. Your heart swell with warmth, taking a deep breath in as you wrapped your arms around him too. You loved him just like how he loves you. He loves you as if you were the made the creation of his favorite food. He loved you like making new potions. He loved you like music to his ears.

He always has been a gentleman before you two dated. He made sure he opened doors for you. He made sure you were comfortable with things. He would even sacrifice his cloaks if you were cold.

He’s like a puppy in love as he just lights up seeing you.

He loves his girl very much. You are the prettiest thing he could ever ask and give for.

[hwajin]

☆.° — breathe me | hhj

genre: smut

pairing: nerd!hyunjin x afab!reader

wc: 3k

warnings/ content: ice play, lots of fingering

this is my fic for @whatudowhennooneseesyou's kinktober 2024; ice play with hyunjin! also an unofficial part 2 for my nerd hyune fic 'study me' hehe <3 hope you enjoy, check out the other works too!! (pst @hyunverse)

It's been a while — three months, give or take — since you and Hyunjin had started going out; officially, and openly. You remember the looks on peoples' faces, slightly irritated, perplexed, when you and him would enter the classroom, hand in hand, sitting down next to each other and giggling shyly about something only you two understood. The group project three months back — which you were grateful for every passing day for bringing you closer to him — had been long over; so why were you hanging out with the loner, the unnamed loser, the nerd sitting in the first row by himself every day anew? You had found a certain satisfaction in those looks; something about them had made you proud, made you feel lucky. As though you’d understood something no one else had.

By now, people were used to the pair of you; seeing you together in the campus cafeteria, accompanied by some of your friends and a heavy blush on Hyunjin's cheeks wasn't as bizarre anymore; hearing your quiet chatter echoing from the first row was normal, almost — except it didn't occur all too often, and far too seldom for your liking. Yes, Hyunjin became your boyfriend over the course of a couple weeks, and while your studies and academic affections suffered beneath that, his didn't a bit; surprisingly.

"How are you acing every class!?", you attack him one evening. He had scored 99 out of a hundred possible points on a Statistics test — your one and only mutual class —; you had barely gotten a 49.

"Don't tell me you're actually getting anything done when we study together?"

You had sat in the library, and your too loud voice had flustered him, so he had responded even quiter than usual; and not without a hint of judgement:

"Of course I am." Brows furrowed, genuine question in the way he'd looked at you. Then, after a moment, he had cocked his head, in near fearful realization; mouth agape, eyes big behind his nerdy glasses. "Wait... you wanna tell me you're... not actually studying on- on our study dates?" The last words had sounded from his mouth shyly, almost bashful. You had chuckled internally at that, though had given him a sultry look; playful, a wink accompanying your gesture.

"No, I'm way too distracted by how good you look studying that I can't get anything done myself."

Another thing that hasn't changed over the last three months — Hyunjin has seemingly not gotten used to your flirtations. To any flirtations, any intimacy at all. Every time you touched him, as innocent a touch as it was, every time you gave his lips as little as a peck he froze, utterly clueless in his own body, scarlet in the face and down the neck. It was adorable. A part of you hoped he never would get used to it; that he would always stay the bashful, quirky man you got to know him as. That he would always drown in red when you shot him a playful look, fire behind your eyes and igniting Hyunjin, fixing his glasses with a quick motion, clearing his throat and diverting his eyes, only to notice you're still staring when he looks for you again. You liked initiating things, liked the way he still shied from as much as kissing you, reaching out to hold your hand. That when he did — reach out, touch the back of your hand with his own, slowly entangling your fingers and acting unknowing all the while — it wasn't without fluster, wasn't without you giggling about him because his crimson neck and his blown pupils were so ironic, considering you'd been entangled in bed together two hours ago, naked and pressed against each other.

Another thing, undeniably, you had loved about the past months; the sex. Sounding perverted upon admission, though you had to; because it'd been better than you had anticipated. Hyunjin was shy, and he'd only been learning to voice his own wishes and desires fairly recently; but he was eager. Eager to please you, eager to do anything you asked him to, to learn. And he was more open than you thought, too, more experimental; there was barely a thing he denied, even if never without shyness, but always saying yes with a face red as crimson.

And he'd said yes this time as well.

You were sprawled out on the bed, in the nude, limbs shivering and skin pearly, covered in a million tiny bumps. It was strange, the contrast to the heat Hyunjin emitted; fires ignited beneath your skin but you were cold, so cold to the touch against the warm air of the room. Yet, you were glowing. You were burning and freezing to death at the very same time.

Hyunjin was holding the little, melted down ice cube he's prepared the day prior against your skin. You had brewed an ice coffee for the pair of you, as innocent a date as ever, Hyunjin talking your ears off with a new computer he's acquired, and how setting it up was — apparently — the most fun he's had in a while. You liked listening to him, could never grow tired of his hobbies you learned to love so dearly, viewed as so adorably quirky; but you also couldn't have suppressed the suggestive remark you'd made:

"Oh... really?", puppy eyes while you’d turned to face him slowly, and he had sat by the kitchen counter perplexed, nodding and going on with his demonstration of his new set up. You had stepped closer to him, ice cube mold in hands. "Even more fun than... we had yesterday?" You had eye-fucked him by now, eyes big and dear-like, blinking and playing with a lose strand of his hair; it had gotten so long over the past months, and you could never keep your hands from it.

Hyunjin had gulped, visibly, Adam’s apple bobbing as he did, and a feeling of heat had lain as a blanket in your lower tummy. You had seen the memories of last night flash before his eye in a second, and a familiar blush had lain over his pearly skin. He hadn't, and the faint outline of his developing erection had been proof.

"I can remind you, in case you did."

A futile promise; not only because he hadn't forgotten, but because you would remind him nevertheless.

Hyunjin's eyes had hushed to the ice cubes beside your hands on the counter, and upon the deepening of his blush your eyes had started glistening. That was the thing about your boyfriend; he knew what he wanted. He knew exactly, only too shy to admit to it, too ashamed to speak the words out loud. He had never said no to a proposal you've made, because he'd wanted it as bad as you did — more so, maybe. You'd smirked, following his eyed and then locking them again.

"You wanna try these...", you had barely whispered, "...on me?" Head cocked and eyes questioning. Hyunjin had gulped again; then he had nodded.

Fast forward half an hour, you were shivering against the cold of the ice cube. Hyunjin was clumsy with it, utterly helpless; he didn't quite know what to do with the little bit of frozen water, where to touch you with it, what to do. After the third one has melted without much an outcome, Hyunjin looking both distressed and apologetic, you finally took matters into your own hands with a giggle.

"Fuck, I'm sorry; I have no idea what I'm doing." Hyunjin sounded frustrated, and you entangled your fingers in his locks, messy and raven around his face. His glasses were sliding down continuously, and he had grown tired of fixing them; they were forgotten, sitting almost at the tip of his nose. You slid them up, looking down at him where he was positioned between your bare legs, and he grew bashful; he always did when you fixed his glasses for him. He held you, big hands on your waist, so casual but your skin burned beneath every touch.

"Calm down, babe.", you smiled at him, and his brows furrowed closer together.

"Should I... help you? Tell you what to do?"

He had laughed then, thankful relief, had nodded and had kissed your lower tummy; you loved when he wasn't shy to show banal affection, when his lips and hands felt a home on your body.

"Take an ice cube in your mouth.", you commanded, voice silk and honey. Hyunjin blinked up at you twice; then he obliged, momentarily. Almost with no hesitation; he was slave to every of your word, your wish his very own. He trusted you to take the lead, and his plump, scarlet lips wrapped around the frozen bit of water, securing it further with his teeth; and he shivered at the coldness of it. You hissed in a breath at that; you needed to remember using the ice on him, at some point; he would look heavenly flustered and red and shivering.

Hyunjin looked at you, expectedly, waiting for your next word. He wouldn't do anything but.

Your fingers played with his hair, and you watched his glasses slide down his nose. He scrunched it, likely unaware of the little movement; but your breath hitched, and you bit your lip.

"Kiss my body with it."

He did. He lowered his head to be level with your bare stomach, eyes never leaving your own. He watched you intently, if waiting for the next command or simply not wanting to miss every breathy sigh you let out, every shaky moan you weren't sure.

The ice touched your hot, burning skin. You were surprised it didn't melt right away; Hyunjin's breath was even hotter than you, and the contrast of it — his warm huffs of air and the freezing cube — sent a electrifying shiver down your spine and right to your core, tickling there until you squirmed to ease the feeling off. Hyunjin's eyes held surprise; then he started making out with your body as if it was your lips he was kissing, and as if the ice had disappeared. He played with it, clumsy and more passion than plan, and you could tell he liked the filth, the lack of sense. He gave the flesh of your hips open mouthed kisses, hot and wet and cold, he let the cube of ice disappear in his mouth to bite down on your skin before his tongue fiddled with the shrinking block again to let it drop on you, unexpectedly, cold and whine-inducing. He groaned too when you let the sound rip through your throat, enjoying the way you enjoyed it.

The ice cube melted eventually. Hyunjin kissed your body some more without it, losing himself, lips and hands unable to let go of you. He did so until you whined out when he wrapped his lips around one of your breasts, hot spit coating your nipple, his cold, delicate fingers playing with the other one. He looked up at you then, knowing and questioning all the same, and you whispered a single word, enough to make him hurry putting the second ice cube between his teeth.

"More."

You shook your head, though, when Hyunjin was about to come back to his previous ministrations. You held his arm; you had gotten so sensitive so suddenly, feeling like slipping away if you didn't grab onto something.

"Let it drop here.", you said, pointing to the core of your chest. He did as you commanded, and searching for your next wish in the depths of your eyes.

"Move it down my body."

He did, straight down, aiming for your belly button, and you shook your head again.

"No, no, slowly. Here first.", you whispered, wetting your fingers in the cold trail of water the cube left, and circling one of your nipples with it. Hyunjin blushed upon that, suddenly. Torn out of the haze from before he as though found his way back to reality, always bashful when you played with yourself in front of him. He watched you close your eyes at the pleasure you brought yourself, the way you hummed out quietly before looking at him again. And he obliged; he let the small cube travel over both your breasts, long and slow, until the ice had almost fully dissipated when he reached your belly button.

"Another one.", you hushed, and he understood. He let an ice cube drop just over your belly button, where he had stopped prior, and continued his journey further down; he kissed your body to elicit sounds of pleasure from you, breathy and hushed and needy whenever his hot tongue danced across trails of cold water, when it circled a nipple; when the melting cube of ice touched your core, finally. Your back arched into him; and after an approval look and a nod of yours Hyunjin fiddled — clumsily — to lay the cold against your clit. It wasn't sudden and yet you jumped, yelped in your place, grabbed onto Hyunjin, digging your nails into the bare skin of his arms. He hissed at that; he hadn't yet admitted to it, but he enjoyed the faint sting of pain, you were sure.

He kept fingering you slowly with the remnants of the ice cube. It wasn't much by any means, almost melted entirely, your wet heat enough to make it, but the sensation remained. You were sensitive, worked up, and Hyunjin above your body so obedient, watching your every move to accord his ministrations to them, that you felt your high sneak up on you, quicker than you had anticipated. It was almost there, almost palpable; but it needed more.

And he felt it. He had eased into it, into the night and into you, and he became more courageous — he grabbed for another ice cube without you telling him to, placed it on your pelvic bone to warm it up, just a little. He kissed you then; impulsively, passionately, moving the cube against your body, cold thumb of his circling your clit. Slowly, not necessarily with a goal, just because; slow circles, barely doing anything, but you still jerked in your place, against him and then into the mattress. And you kissed him back, grabbed the back of his nape, the very ends of his hair, tousled and messy and warm against the cold; and he inserted the freezed water with two of his fingers, into your hot wetness, making it cold and wetter, so suddenly sensitive that you groaned out deeply into his mouth. He ate up the sound, returned it with the same fervour, curled the ice cube up and removed it again, leaving you empty and shivering, aching for more. For again. You whispered the word against Hyunjin's bruised lips, deep red and bitten, and he obeyed; he inserted two fingers and the ice cube into you, curling his digits and pushing the cold deeper. Everything around you turned white, and silent. You saw nothing but him, heard nothing but Hyunjin's staggered, deep breaths, felt nothing but bliss, purified in the way he granted it to you; unapologetic, readily, as if was everything he was born for.

You squirmed against his body, steady and warm above your own. You could feel his erection against your leg, could feel he was moving and squirming too, to remove friction, though it wasn't his primary goal. He moved thoughtlessly, out of an instinct; his focus, though, lay on you. He didn't dare remove his eyes from you, repeatedly fixing his glasses to not miss a second of the changing expressions on your face, or your shivering body, your pearl-covered skin, the way your flesh broke waves with every move you made, with every hard breath you inhaled, exhaled. And he went deeper, bit your neck harder, held your hips closer, kissed you faster; and you groaned louder, squirmed heavier, until finally you shook, body convulsing and waves of electricity running through your body, wetness gushing down Hyunjin's fingers and staining the mattress. Your chest heaved, your warmth having melted down the ice cube to mere cold water, and Hyunjin watched in awe; he hadn't yet grown used to the sight of you coming, especially for him. The way he could see your soul leaving your body and returning again, the way your eyes crossed before rolling into the back of your head, how you held onto him, how your toes curled and the hairs on your body stiffened; he would never get enough of it. He could watch it - watch you - over and over again, shaking and coming against him, your hot breath igniting fires on his skin.

"Fuck.", you breathed out, tearing Hyunjin out of his thoughts. Your eyes were squeezed shut, and only then Hyunjin noticed he hadn't yet stopped fingering you, slowly, helping you ride out your orgasm though overstimulating now, surely. He leaned down, kissed your neck, slowly removed his fingers, eliciting a sweet sigh from you. He did then something which could only be accounted to his incredible neediness; nothing unfamiliar whenever he waited his turn, whenever he prioritised your satisfaction over his own. He sat back on his heels, looked down on your shivering, sweaty body; and he licked his slick fingers clean of you, eyes locked with yours intently. His tongue swirled around his digits, slurping noises filling the room. His ears turned red and the blush crept down his neck, upon the filthy action, and upon your sweetness against his tongue, but he didn't stop; Hyunjin put on a show for you, and he loved to see the effort pay off - your eyes deepened with a sense of desire, dark and seductive and alluring, and a smirk played around your lips; Hyunjin knew you loved when he wasn't shy to show his lust. Only when you grabbed him by his collar, only when you tugged at the hem of his shirt and your legs wrapped around his torso, toes playing with the waistband of his pants he knew the night wasn't over; and wouldn't be for long.

@es-kay-zee @jeyelleohe @angelwonie @ppiri-bahng @svintsandghosts @llunapastell @sensitiveandhungry @junebug032 @noellllslut @unexceptional-h @like-a-diamondinthesky @katsukis1wife @astraystayyh

[pyrrhiccomedy]

I am genuinely so proud of my wife for becoming a crafts person over the last few years.

Like, I was always a crafts person. I was an arts and crafts kid. My parents sent me to classes or summer camps or after-school clubs pretty much continuously from when I was about 5 years old, and over the years I did metalsmithing, stained glass, polymer clay sculpting, loom weaving, oil painting, charcoal drawing, clothes-making & tailoring, carpentry, woodcarving, macrame, miniatures, beading, jewelry-making, basket weaving, leatherworking, paper-making, bookbinding, papier mache, decoupage, sand sculpting, and probably more that I'm forgetting. There was never a day in my life while I was growing up when my entire bedroom floor wasn't taken up by 2-5 different ongoing art projects. As an adult, it's given me the firm confidence that I can walk up to pretty much any crafting skill, and get the hang of it, and enjoy doing it.

My wife never had that. She wrote, but that was really her only artistic outlet. Art & craftsmanship were just not any of her business. She always expressed admiration for my gumption when it came to making things with my hands, usually with a "bigger idiots than me have done it" attitude, but she was certain she'd be bad at it if she tried it, and that she wouldn't have fun. As evidence, she would offer every time in her life when she had attempted to learn a craft, and didn't have fun, and all the Arts And Crafts kids picked it up a lot faster than her.

Which like - yeah! Learning how to do a new craft is a skill all on its own! Fine motor control is a skill developed over time! So is spatial reasoning, and materials intuition! She wasn't just 'trying to learn wreath-making,' or whatever, she was trying to learn how to learn how to make something with her hands AND wreath-making, at the same time, so of course it would take her longer than the kids who already had the first part, and of course it would be more frustrating for her. I knew she wasn't uniquely bad at crafts: she just didn't know how to approach picking them up, because she was never encouraged to learn.

And then the pandemic hit.

And while we were all trapped inside and going insane in new and exciting ways to all of us, she tentatively decided to pick up embroidery. She probably wouldn't stick with it, she explained: she'd probably be bad at it. It probably wouldn't be fun. But she thought embroidery was pretty, and literally what else did she have going on?

And then she did stick with it. For over a year. And she got pretty good at it! She embellished a baseball hat for her sister with cactuses and wildflowers from where they grew up which came out adorable. She made an embroidered portrait of one of our friends' cat that they still have displayed in their entryway. And she discovered - and remarked on it often, with mild surprise - that she was having fun. She'd say a lot of stuff like "this stitch was so frustrating at first, but now that I get it I really like doing it," or "I kept getting this tangled but I've figured it out now. I just needed to relax."

Then she took up pottery. We did that as a couple for about a year, too. Now she's a knitter.

And it's just been so great, to see her eyes light up when she sees a sweater she likes, and hear her say, "I could make that!" She's slowly let go of the perfectionism that I think holds a lot of people back from doing crafts: that dismay when you make a mistake which leads to discarding a whole project, or starting something over. More and more she's taking on the veteran crafter attitude of "oops lol, whatever I'll just keep going." She's picking things up faster. She's taking pleasure in learning incremental steps. She's started to see crafting as something that relaxes and engages her, instead of as something inherently frustrating. I've gotten to watch her learn to find joy in making something with her hands. I always knew she was creative and artistic and capable of learning how to do anything. It's been so much fun to watch her start to take that on as part of how she sees herself.

We have this running joke about how she will prematurely declare herself to be in an era. Like, she'll go swimming twice and announce that she's now in her "swimming era," and then never go swimming again. Or she'll make one smoothie, buy a bunch of fruit, and declare that we are now in a "smoothie era," and then a week later we have to throw out a bunch of fruit that's gone bad.

The other day (while she was knitting, and I was sitting on the couch next to her doing crochet), she went, "I feel like I've gotten - like, I'm a bit crafty these days, I think. Like, I've done a couple of different crafts, and gotten pretty good at them. I think this is now, kind of, you know...something that I can say that I do."

I supplied that I would even go so far as to say that she was in her "crafting era."

Her eyes widened. "It's an era?"

I pointed out that it was something she'd been doing pretty much continuously for the last three and a half years. That feels like the start of an era to me.

"Yes," she decided. "It's an era. This is my crafts era. I'm a crafts person now."

She's planning to make me a sweater with a duck on it for fall.

[three--rings]

One thing I haven't seen a lot of talk about in the fandom so far is about the financials of this season.

It took us two whole months to get a confirmation of renewal from Max, and I talked at the time that I think there was probably a lot of heated negotiations going on at the time with contracts and that's why it took as long as it did.

I think we see a huge number of indications of the compromises that were made in order for S2 to be made. One obvious one that has been talked about is being making in in NZ instead of LA, to save $.

But there's also the eight episodes instead of ten. And then the cast aspect. One downside of moving overseas was having to fly out and house the cast, not just pay day wages.

We knew immediately about Guz Khan not coming back, losing Ivan as a character. At the time I was sad but I thought it had the air of a pretty harshly practical call. If you went through the main recurring cast and said okay which character will affect the fewest things, has the least character interactions of anyone? It would be Ivan. (With the only competition being The Swede IMO, but he's Stede's crew and therefore a little more central.)

And then this season started and we got first The Swede sidelined and taken out of major scenes. And then I noticed that different members of the crew were simply absent for long stretches, like Wee John isn't around for ep 5 at all. And then Buttons takes flight.

Lucius and Pete aren't at the party for most of it. Fang isn't in the torture scene. Roach and Fang aren't in the bar. Etc. SCHEDULING IS HAPPENING.

The new characters are almost entirely played by NZ local actors, which is great, but also...cheaper.

In other words there are big signs that they did everything possible to give us a giant cast of almost everyone we love from S1, and cool new characters, in the most economical way possible.

And I'm grateful for it. I'm grateful we got S2, and it looks great, and it's well written, I'm having a blast, and we get to spend more time with this awesome cast.

But I also kinda think it needs to be said that the cost-cutting shows. That it shouldn't have been only 8 episodes, the pacing is off. That we miss every time someone from the ensemble isn't on screen.

That despite what they've put on screen looking very good, there's far less costuming budget, there's less elaborate sets, and it's a little disappointing. And it's clear it's not a lack of will or talent or vision but blatantly lack of money.

Look, streaming networks want brilliant shows that people love (that will get them to subscribe) but they very don't want to pay anyone to make them. That's like, the whole moment we're having right now.

Max puts out promos about how great it is to not have unions messing shit up in NZ. Well I have friends who are union costumers in LA and guess what union costumers did amazing last season. This season, well, I guess Stede got three whole shirts, so that's cool.

So I dunno. It's just stuff I think about. I'm not trying to be negative about the show in any way. I'm extremely happy with this season; I love it more than well, possibly any show I've ever been in fandom for.

But I see you, Max. You're cheap. You weren't that cheap when you were called HBO.