#last time i gave them playlists i don't think they cared that much

[bloodstainedcanines]

this playlist is gonna be the fucking death of me !!

[yourelliewillms]

the guy from the record

store wasn't a guy?

ellie williams fanfic

━━ chapter 1 wc: 1.9k

read the chapters here !!

you've recently discovered this record shop, the perfect place to find everything of the new kind of music you've just gotten into, rock. your friends wouldn't share this interest with you but maybe the cute guy from the store will.

━━ he/him pronous are used for ellie sometimes but it's for plot purposes i swear !!

BASED ON THE GUY SHE WAS INTERESTED IN WASN'T A GUY AT ALL !!!! i love that manga so much i needed an ellie version so i did it myself. of course this is going to be shorter and pleeaase go read it i swear you won't regret it <3 i hardly recommend you to listen to the manga's playlist too, i'll add some of the songs to this fanfic. literally all i want is my lesbians to have the recognition they deserve. ALSO green is the characteristic color of that manga so i'll be using it here too, everything will be green bc we love green lesbians.

another warning, english is not my first language so you may find some mistakes.

it's been a long day at school but at least the week of exams has ended and you've done pretty good. "i deserve a prize" you think to yourself while your feet guide you out of the building. certainly the exams drained you, the only thing you want to do now is take a long nap to catch up on sleep.

walking down the sidewalk, you put on your headphones which have been your best friends for the last few months when you discovered this band nirvana. it is in fact a popular band but in your friend group? no, not at all. your friends prefer other kind of music. pop, kpop, even jazz, but rock? impossible.

so you find yourself unable to share your new music taste with your friends. even if you beg them to give it a chance, they'll refuse it every time. this is definitely the worst, how are you supposed to fully enjoy this work of art only by yourself? they definitely don't understand what good music is, if only they gave it a chance you could-

just when the music from your headphones stopped, you could still hear one of your favorite songs smells like teen spirit coming from a... record store?

your mind is full of questions, since when has been this store here? this is just 5 minutes away from school and you've never noticed it. maybe this is the prize you deserve for having successfully passed all your exams. buying your very first vinyl will surely be the boost of serotonin you need.

you took off your headphones before getting into the store and quickly walked to check all the beautiful vinyls. the excitement could be seen in your eyes, all the vinyls of your favorite bands in one store and you're even considering finding a job, buying everything of this store is not a want but a necessity. this must be heaven.

after what felt like seconds but were actually 20 long minutes, you finally make your choice and find the vinyl that'll have the privilege to be your very first and most appreciated acquisition.

you turn around, walk towards the shop counter and just then realize how rude of you was not to greet the old man at the store. however, you don't care that much, he should understand that you were too excited to even speak and... was it an old man? did you even look at the person who was next to you the last 20 minutes?

"i'll take this" you place the vinyl on the counter before looking up at the person in front of you.

but now, you reassure one more time that you're not on earth anymore. this is definitely heaven, or maybe something greater because the angel in front of you isn't from this planet at all. green eyes, auburn hair drawn back in a messy bun, a scar on one eyebrow, black clothes with a nirvana t-shirt, an arm tattoo and a mask. this is the most gorgeous guy you've seen in your entire life and you were rude to him, you didn't talk to him for this entire time.

"i love this one" he gave you your new purchase in a bag "you have good taste" that raspy voice that'll live in your mind rent free for an eternity, you're sure about that.

meanwhile, your mind has been spinning for the last 30 seconds. a cute guy with a stunning style and majestic music taste, you've seen only his eyes but you can already imagine a life with him where you get married and play your favorite songs in your wedding.

"thanks, you too. bye" and just like that the conversation ended. you're definitely not the most flirtatious person but you didn't ask him anything, maybe it was too soon to ask for his number but not even his name? really? you can already hear your friends scolding you but at least you remember half of his face and that's enough to be delusional the following months until you find another crush.

8 in the morning and you've been talking for half an hour to your friends about this cute guy from the record store. of course they scolded you for not asking his name but your excitement couldn't be taken away that easily. no other boy from your school has ever made you feel like this, no one called your attention like he did.

"is there any possibility that you see your boy again?" dina, your best friend asked "and maybe ask him out"

"dina!" you frowned as if she had just said the craziest thing you've heard in your life "it's too soon for that. but as soon as i see him again i'll ask him his name" you started kicking your feet "and he'll fall in love with me."

dina and your bursted out laughing and spent the whole morning planning your future life with someone you saw once.

maybe you've been talking too loud or maybe she doesn't like you, but the girl next to you has been glancing at you and dina and she seemed a little too much interested in your conversation.

ellie. you've been classmates for almost a year but you two never spoke. she's like any other girl at school. she wears the same uniform as you, a white shirt and a gray skirt. she also wears these square glasses and she has her headphones on most of the time.

she seems like one of those nerds but one that doesn't participate that much in class. she comes to class, listens to the professors and goes home. you've never seen her talking to any other classmates but she seems comfortable only drawing on her notebook and listening to something on her headphones, it's not that you don't like her, but you haven't had the opportunity to get to know her.

but today she seemed quite distracted and instead of focusing on the class, she was focused on you. she seemed nervous, maybe she wanted to join the conversation and make some friends?

however, the bell rang. you were too busy talking about your new guy to try to figure out why ellie's been looking at you more than usual. you began to pack up your belongings; notebook, pencil case, some other books and, are you forgetting something?

the moment you're getting up from your seat, you can feel ellie's presence approaching you. you stare up at her for a few seconds and before you can say something, her hand reached your ear and put on one of your earbuds.

"you dropped this" your eyebrows furrowed, did she always had those pretty green eyes?

the song that you'd been listening on loop nothing at all was playing on your earbuds loud enough for her to listen to it "that song rocks, doesn't it?" and just like that she walked out the door leaving you completely confused. you're sure you've seen those eyes before, you think that maybe for a split second you stopped looking at ellie as your classmate and maybe... someone else.

on the other hand, ellie has been walking in silence staring at her feet while her mind is about to explode because the girl who sits next to her, her classmate and one of the most popular girls at school, has met and is interested in a guy who works at the record store. but no guy works there, just ellie.

she got a part time job and she's been working there for a few months but that was the first time she saw you there. you didn't recognize her though, since the style she has at her job is the opposite of the one she has at school.

probably the best option is to tell you the truth, the guy you're interested in isn't a guy and is actually the boring, nerdy girl from school, the girl you'd never talk to because that would only ruin your reputation, or at least that's what ellie thinks.

ellie thought that her job should be boring and only boring, she didn't want to have to deal with something else than that. and now that girl has a crush on her, or she has a crush on the person she thinks ellie is.

fortunately, ellie's job is calm. not many people visit the store so she spends her first hours of work tidying the place, not paying much attention to the store itself.

while cleaning at the back of the store, ellie heard the ring of the little bell on the door warning the presence of a client. she sighed and fixed her clothes before getting into the store again but got surprised when she noticed that the client was actually you.

if it weren't for the music playing at the store, the place would have been in complete silence. no one was on sight when you walked in so the sound coming from the back of the store scared you and you jumped. "you scared me, i didn't know you were here" you giggled nervously.

"have you been looking forward to it that much?" you were starting to stutter when the green eyed spoke in what seemed a flirty way. "no- i mean! the new foo fighters album" she interrupted herself "you were looking forward to it because you wanted to buy it, right?" she tried to hide her shaky voice, did she just accidentally flirt with you?

"i swear it's so good, you can hear it a thousand times and it'll still sound amazing. also, i know you like nirvana too because you bought the vinyl. you'll love it, i totally recommend it."

you were in a dream, did you just exchange more than two words with that guy? and he was showing a lot of interest it seemed unreal. you'd be a fool if you mess this up.

"i really want to buy it but uhm..." your pockets were empty, you spent all your money in that vinyl and being an unemployed student is not helpful to your situation "i'm a bit short of money right now" not to say that you're dry.

"i'm sorry but i-" yet she didn't let you finish your sentence "i bought this one for myself. you can have it and tell me your opinion when you return it."

he couldn't be more charming to you. only 5 minutes talking and you had already fell down on your knees. "thank you. you can give me your number so that i can bring it back." your hand sweating for you've finally made a move on who you thought was the guy from your dreams.

"no," no? he rejected you just like that, he didn't even a think a second to answer your question "it's just... i can't use my phone at work."

laying on the counter in front of you was a black ink pen which you quickly grabbed and started writing your phone number on his wrist next to his tattoo.

ellie looked at you stunned, she was glad she was wearing a mask because her cheeks had turned crimson. she noticed your hand shaking and that was the moment she realized the trouble she'd gotten into.

"i thought that if i wrote it on a paper, you'd lose it." the music playing in the background just made the atmosphere between you two dreamlike. you waved and smiled at him as you left the store hoping your burning cheeks would go unnoticed. not only did you have someone to share your interests with but also it was someone who you were crushing on really hard.

the first person on the taglist will be my editor/manager/first person who read this @ohnopoteito thank uuu 💋💋

[shellshocklove]

brat four: everything is romantic | joel miller

pairing/au: joel miller x brat!female!reader – no outbreak

summary: joel's brat summer has come to an end.

warnings: this is an 18+ fic so mdni! age gap, enemies to lovers vibes? swearing, drinking of alcohol, smoking of cigarettes, use of pet names, angst, fluff, smut, brat tamed? reader, dom!joel, a hint of sub!joel? manhandling, oral sex (69-ing), cock worship, pussy pronouns, a little dacryphilia, degradation (whore, slut), multiple orgasms, squirting, creampie, some sub space territory, unprotected sex (don’t do it!), one (1) use of the word 'daddy', no use of y/n

a/n: here is the final chapter! thank you as always to @dustydaddyyy! 💚 without her i don't think would've been able to finish this.

main masterlist / series masterlist / ao3 / playlist

from the river to the sea, palestine will be free 🇵🇸 this account stands with palestine. the creator of tlou is a zionist, and the second game is largly based on israel/palestine. please, everyone who interacts, educate yourself about the genocide happening right now, and support/donate.

He was used to being listened to, your father, his voice weighty although every word he spewed was superfluous. You watched how his jaw moved, up and down, up and down, almost like he moved in slow motion, the spit splattering in big drops.

"–I need you to smile with your eyes this time– the social media intern told me a lot of people on twitter said you looked like you didn't want to be there… are you even listening?" he spat.

Never in your life had you wanted to roll your eyes as much as you wanted to now. Something ripped deep inside your heart, at a wound that had never really closed. You were used to the feeling; a quiet rage simmering under your skin at yourself for feeling it still.

"Dad, I already told your secretary weeks ago that I can't be there–"

"I don't fucking care–" he cut you off, "I tell you to be somewhere and you'll be there, understood? Don't forget your place, now."

The threat didn't sting as much as it had a few years ago. What used to scare you in the past, now only managed to make you angry. You had packed your bags already. The summer was over, your last year of post grad was waiting, along with your new internship, you couldn't just miss the first few days because your father needed you to stand behind him and smile (with your eyes) at a fundraiser.

It was ridiculous.

Oh, how stupid you'd felt when he'd arrived at the house, thinking he was there to say goodbye, to be a father for once.

Turns out you were ridiculous.

"Or else?" you spat out so quickly you didn't have time to regret it.

His eyes hardened, eyes growing cold as he dug them deep into you. The words you'd spat out had hung over your conversations with your father for years, but never had you spoken them aloud. He made you feel so small, he'd always made you feel small, and you were done with it.

He stepped closer, the kitchen island the only thing separating you now, and raised a finger at you. "What did you just say?"

Behind your ribcage your heart beat out of your chest, pumping your rage throughout your body. Images flashed before your eyes, a supercut of your childhood, of the countless times he'd stood over you with poisoned words.

"I said: or else? You need a hearing aid or something?"

Your father stepped around the island, and a fear gripped around your throat, your legs backed off on their own accord. He froze then, a pleased smile tugging at his face, ripping it apart. You felt sick to your stomach.

"Or else…" he started, "I'll cut you off. If you're gonna be an ungrateful bitch like this, I ain't giving you a penny– I'll have you removed from my will, I'll disinherit you, you understand?"

"You wouldn't dare," you tried to argue back, but your voice lacked bite and your anger.

"Oh, sweetie, I'll do it with a smile."

Looking at your father, how pleased with himself he looked, you felt your whole body deflate. How could the man who gave you life, who put you on this earth have so much hatred in his heart for you? What was it about you that was so hard to love?

"It would be a relief," he continued, but his voice sounded far away, "to finally be rid of you."

"'m sorry to interrupt y'all talkin'," Joel's drawl cut through the room, "we're finishin' up out here 'nd we need your final approval."

Joel was looking straight at you, but it was hard to interpret his face. Something dragged across it, like he fought to keep himself in check, but softening at the edges as he looked at you.

How dared he? How dared he look at you like that?

“I’m paying for this nonsense so I’ll be the judge of that,” your father huffed, pushing past you to slip out into the backyard, leaving you alone with Joel.

Suddenly, the room felt awfully stuffy, something heavy growing between you and Joel. He must've caught the end of you and your father's conversation. A mix of anger and embarrassment simmered at the bottom of your stomach at the thought.

You'd done exactly as he'd wished; you'd slipped quietly out the door at the wedding and left your dignity behind. The summer never wanted to end, and seeing him day in and day out, working away in the backyard stung more than you'd ever admit out loud.

So you'd kept your distance, leaving early to mill about downtown, trying to fill your days with anything to keep you from thinking of him. Joel wasn't worth the energy. Joel was a bug under your shoe to crush.

(Joel was all you ever thought about.)

At night a childish desires would plague you. The dark conjured them forth, made your mind lenient with hope, hope that he'd storm into the house like some love interest in a romcom to beg for your forgiveness, or he'd kiss you, or fuck you, or everything all at once.

When morning came, and you caught his eyes as you slipped out the house, you were reminded of the coldness in his voice, and not the warmth of his touch. What was the real Joel? Maybe it didn't matter? Joel had been fun until it wasn't anymore, a fling for the summer, nothing more– never anything more, because you didn't fall in love.

Love.

What even was love? Was it the way Joel looked at you right now as he stepped closer?

No.

You hated him.

Tears pushed at the back of your eyes, a lump building in your throat as you held them back. How could you ever love someone who'd treat you like that? You needed to leave; you'd rather die than Joel see you cry. Your father you could handle, that old wound would never close and the pain was numbed long ago, but Joel was like a wound to the gut that wouldn't stop bleeding.

"Hey," Joel's hand wrapped around your wrist, holding you back from leaving, "You okay?"

This motherfucker.

"Why do you care?" you bit back through your tears, because why did he? Why did he care? He'd been pretty clear he wanted nothing to do with you. "You didn't sign up for my antics, don't you remember?" you tore at your hand, and you slipped between his fingers.

Pushing through the door, you ran up the stairs to your room. Joel didn't bother with a reply, and you hated how it stung in your chest. The door slung shut behind you, and you collapsed on the bed. Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you wouldn't let your tears fall. Instead, your curled your knees to your chest, and focused on your breath.

Breathe in, slowly, steady, and then out again.

Again, and again.

Breathe in, and out.

Again, and again.

A knock at the door startled you, and you couldn't tell if you'd fallen asleep or lulled yourself into a false sense of peace. Sitting up, you wiped at your eyes, before jostling to your feet when the door opened.

There he stood, Joel, in the doorway of your childhood bedroom, rough jeans clasped in by a tool belt. He didn't belong in here, you didn't belong in here – not anymore. He didn't say anything, only looked around the room, like he was looking for you. Maybe he was? This was where you'd been born – the girl who felt like a complete mess – the disguise masquerading like a brat.

"What do you want?" you spat.

A frown pulled at Joel's face, and his eyes tried to catch your gaze, which you desperately avoided.

“We’re all finished up out there,” he told you, fingers twitching at his side, “We’ll be out of your hair in a couple of minutes.”

Why was he even in your room? Your dad had been out there, he’d talked to him, probably gotten the okay from him. Everything was taken care of… so why was he here?

“Okay, that’s fine,” you nodded, keeping your voice cold and devoid of any emotion. Joel cleared his throat uneasily.

“... your dad, uh, left.”

His tone was difficult to read, something akin to pity legible between the lines. You gave him a dry, sardonic smile.

“Of course.”

You scoffed, wrapping your arms around yourself as you turned your back on him, looking out the window. Of course you weren’t even worth a goodbye. You wanted it to hurt, but you’d been rejected by him your whole life. Never ever did you want it to happen again, but now you braced yourself for Joel’s rejection, of the sound of his footsteps getting quieter and quieter as he walked out of your life.

“Goin’ somewhere?” Joel said quietly, and you couldn’t hold back your head from looking past your shoulder. His eyes had found your packed bags left by the door, the bags now fuller than when you’d arrived at the start of the summer.

“I don’t think that’s any of your business,” you countered. You wished your voice was harder, more accusing, but it just sounded meek.

“Looks like you’re leavin’ for good.”

“I am.”

A frown pulled at Joel’s face. Confusion and sadness? You couldn’t tell what it meant, couldn’t understand him– and maybe you never had. Maybe you’d just gotten ahead of yourself, put meaning where there wasn’t any. Confused attention with adoration.

“Then it’s my business,” Joel said, almost angry. “If you're goin' away for good then I’d like to know 'bout it.”

“Why?” you snapped, your voice biting, “So now you don’t like it when I disappear quietly? You should make up your damn mind, Joel.”

Your words seemed to stun Joel into a surprised silence. If he wasn't going to leave you alone, you'd be the one to walk out instead. You didn’t have to stay here any longer and listen to him pretend to care, not when he’d made it so clear he didn’t.

The thought gnawed at you, simmering down your anger and draining you of any substantial fight. You didn’t need to re-hash this. Tonight you were going home, to your real home, and you'd never see him again. What was the point in making this harder than it had to be? You’d always thought you were tough, you are tough, and maybe all this pain had its benefits; you'd built up a bit of a callus. You were tough skin where nothing could pierce through to the core. 

“Look, I don’t need to go over this again, okay?” you let out, your voice a strange mixture of anger and defeat, “I got the message, loud and clear, now can you fuck off?”

This was the first time you’d sworn at Joel like this. You wished your voice was angrier, or cold and calculated, like how his own voice had sounded when he kicked you out the door at the wedding. Instead, there was a raw undertone in your voice, a hurt you hadn’t intended for Joel to hear.

Joel's silence rubbed at you, rubbed your skin raw. You wanted him to scream at you, raise his voice and say something entirely too hurtful. At least then it would feel okay, you could leave with a good conscience. It just didn't work out. When Joel didn’t move, your jaw clenched, nose drawing an irritated breath.

“Fine, I’ll go.”

You turned towards the door, managing two or three furious steps before Joel spoke.

“Red,” he said suddenly.

It was just one word, but it was that word. Your word, our word. It stopped you in your tracks, turning to look at him with shock on your face.

“What did you say?” you asked him, and for the first time today, Joel gave you a look you could entirely decipher: he looked sad, almost in a desperate way.

“Red... “ he repeated, and you watched how his fist clenched by his side, “‘means stop, right? Can we just take a second and stop this, please?”

When you said nothing, he continued, “This ain't how I want us to be leavin’ things.”

“Us?” you echoed incredulously, “I’m pretty sure you made it very clear there was no us.”

“Jesus fucking christ,” Joel let out in an exasperated breath, "Look… I should've never said those things to you, especially when–"

“Don’t,” you said, your tone and gaze full of warning.

Don’t bring him up.

This was not a topic of conversation you were open to having with Joel.

"No, listen to me," he commanded, "D'you realize the situation you've put me in? You're the governor's daughter–  d'you think I haven't seen him on TV? Seen his ads, and the pamphlets, and all his 'family values' politics? But I had you all wrong… How was I s'posed to know this was how he treated his daughter?"

Joel shook his head in anger, gathering a stuttering breath, "You don't deserve that shit, no one does. You're good, I can tell– even when you put on that little act that makes me want to fuck the daylights outta ya."

You fought it with every fiber of your being, but you felt something inside you soften as your eyes moved to meet Joel’s, the corners of his mouth twitching into the beginnings of a smile.

“You were an asshole to me,” you told him, trying to save any of the resolve and anger you had left.

“I was, and ‘m sorry 'bout it, 'nd I wish I could take it all back,” he told you earnestly, “But your behavior wasn’t perfect either... next time you want to be my date to somethin', at least give me a chance to ask you first, princess.”

“Next time?” you questioned, and you couldn't help the raise of your eyebrows.

"Well, at the risk of soundin' like a kid still in high school– I like you, okay?" Joel confessed, and you felt a heat coat your cheeks.

Joel was right – this felt like high school.

"Are you asking me to go steady with you?"

You couldn't help it, you had to push at him, but the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth made it worth it. His laugh sounded like home, and you felt yourself slip under.

Again, and again.

"Not yet," he answered, taking a step in your direction. "I wanna get to know you first, take you on a date. There’s something special ‘bout ya, I’ve seen it.” He took another step.

"You do know me," you told him.

Joel shook his head, closing the distance, "I know a brat with your name, but I know she ain't the real you." A large palm cupped your cheek, making your eyelids flutter at the touch.

"Stop hidin' from me," he whispered.

Inside, you felt something crumble as a tear made a river down your cheek. You felt yourself frown at the feeling, surprised by your own reaction. Joel's thumb rubbed over it, catching it, catching you.

"I don't know how," you confessed. The words tasted acrid on your tongue, and as you let them settle another tear ran down your cheek. Once a tear had broken free, you couldn't stop them.

"Oh, sweetheart," he cooed, your tears wetting Joel's hand as he wiped at your cheeks.

"Please don't, Joel," you begged through a shuddering breath, "I don't want your sympathy."

"It ain't sympathy. I fuckin' care ‘bout you– there's a difference."

His words hit you in the chest, knocking the breath out of you. I fuckin' care 'bout you. No one had told you something like that before; no one had cared for you or about you before. More tears streamed down your face, and this time you couldn't hold back your sob. Joel's arms were around you in a second, pressing you tightly to his chest, as a comforting palm held the back of your head.

"I didn't know," you whispered into his chest, staining his t-shirt with your tears.

"I know," he whispered back, pressing a kiss to your temple, "It's okay, princess."

His lips were so soft against your skin, so gentle, and warm. Tilting your head back, you caught his eyes, watched the deep whiskey color seeping with warmth. Without thinking you leaned forward, brushing your lips over Joel's in a kiss, a first kiss.

What his lips would taste like, you'd daydreamed about before; mint-y, sugary sweet or deep like embers? Joel didn't taste like either, he tasted like Joel, like a comforting hug, like the ecstasy of an orgasm, like a home. When you pulled away, you kept your eyes shut, not wanting to let go of the feeling of him just yet.

"Listen…"

The deep bass of Joel's voice soothed your eyes open where they stared right into Joel's. His voice had sounded steady, but his eyes gave his worry away.

"At the wedding–" Joel's voice stalled.

His eyes rested at something behind you, dancing back and forth as he searched for his words. With a shake off his head he let go of your body, taking with him the soothing safety he exuded. Looking around your room for a moment his eyes settled on your bed. He looked so out of place in your room, your mattress giving way for him where he sat at the edge.

Joel let your words sit between you, as his teeth caught on his lip, chewing. "Do you…" Joel trailed off, before he drew a deep breath. "I need ya to be honest with me now, no more games–"

"Okay…" you breathed out, your heart drumming in your chest.

Joel chewed on his lip again, his eyebrows pulled together in a frown as he searched for his words. "What was all this to you? That night at the club I thought you were pullin' my leg– why in the hell did you approach me?"

This time your face scrunched in a frown, "Why are you asking me this?"

"Just humor me, please."

Taking a deep breath you grabbed the back of your vanity chair, turning it to face Joel before you sat down. "Well, if I'm gonna be honest…" you started, "I was just looking for someone to buy me a drink. You were sitting there all alone so I thought why not. I liked that you made me work for it, it was fun, and hot, and I really wanted you to fuck me."

It was hard to interpret Joel where he sat, nodding his head with his eyes glued to the floor as he listened to you speak. "Why?" he said, looking up and finding your gaze.

"Why?" you couldn't help but chuckle, "Are you serious right now? Have you looked at yourself in the mirror– looked at your dick?"

A shy smile coated his face, and you swore you saw the apples of his cheeks flush pink. "I've looked at myself in the mirror, princess, and I ain't as young as I used to be."

"Is this why you're asking? Because you're older than me?" you wanted to know.

"I'm askin' because I'm old enough to be your daddy." In his eyes you could see a glimmer of something like shame. It was contagious, snaking its way into your chest where it squeezed around your heart.

"Are you ashamed of me?" This time you needed him to be honest, but still, you couldn't help but feel a nervousness trickle through your body as you awaited his answer.

"No," he said quickly, "It ain't that…"

"What is it then?" You almost didn't want to ask, your head swimming with answers before he could utter them.

"I'm ashamed of myself," he confessed, you felt the words run ice cold down your back. "I get that everythin' is different now– with datin' 'nd all. Nothin' wrong with a one night stand… but I'm too old to be someone's fuckbuddy. I can't be that guy for you."

"I d-don't want you to," you rushed, surprising yourself as you stumbled over the words.

The corner of his mouth twitched, a small smile telling you he didn't believe you.

"Well, you tell me nothin'. The little persona you put on is fun for sex, but it ain't fun when it has repercussions in real life. When you showed up at the wedding… I panicked, okay? For you it's all fun 'n games, but for me that's my family. What was I s'posed to say if they saw you, huh? Tell 'em that's the girl I'm fuckin'? Pretty sure my daughter would have a fuckin' aneurysm."

Joel shook his head as a shaky breath sifted through him.

"I shouldn't have said all that shit to you– I shouldn't have used that tone, but I couldn't let it continue like that… I don't want casual with you– I ain't got the energy for that sorta thing. I wanna know where I stand, I don't wanna keep guessin' what you're thinkin'… I can take your attitude, but at least be forthright with me." Joel's eyes found his hands folded in his lap.

"Okay…” you hesitated for a moment, “I think I might be falling in love with you," you confessed. The words fell out of your mouth before you could think them through, and you let them. Somehow, you weren't afraid anymore. You'd already lost the people who were supposed to be closest to you, supposed to be your family. There was nothing else to lose, just Joel, just a love.

He looked up from his lap, "You think or you are?"

Your teeth came down on your lip, chewing at a loose piece of skin as your eyebrows pulled together in a frown. "I am… I think–" you tried, your finger pinching the bridge of your nose, "I've never been in love… I don't know."

The heat rising in your cheeks had you look away from him. Across from you Joel rose to his feet and closed the small distance between you. A heavy palm found your cheek, turning your face slowly.

"D'you wanna find out?" he smiled, the rough pad of his thumb skating softly over your cheek. Joel towered over you, but you didn't feel small… you felt protected. The realization had tears press behind your eyes.

"Heyheyhey," Joel cooed, while his other hand found your cheek, "It's okay."

Drawing a shaky breath, you told him, "It's not, Joel, I'm leaving– tonight." A tear broke loose as the words left your lips.

Joel's thumbs wiped at your tears before he crouched down between your legs with a groan, his knees popping loudly. "You don't need to do anythin', princess. Y'can stay at my place until you figure things out–"

You shook your head as more tears ran down your cheeks. "I'm moving back to California, I was only supposed to stay here for the summer," you told him, "I have one year left of my engineering degree at Berkeley, and I'm starting a new internship job on Monday."

"Oh," Joel let out. If he tried to hide his surprise, he did an awful job at it; it almost made a smile crack between your tears.

"You should check your face Joel,” you told him, your tone as light as you could manage it right now, “I know you're old, but in this millennia, girls can be engineers too," you tried to jest.

He let out an incredulous breath, before he let go of your face, "I know that– but California… it ain't exactly a short drive."

In your chest, you felt a twinge, "And you don't exactly text."

Joel fell silent at your words, head dipping forward, and you swore you could hear the cogs turning in his head. With a groan he stood to his feet, backing up to sit at your bed again.

"Look," he started, his eyes catching yours, "I wanna give this a go, if you wanna give this a go."

"I do," you hurried, and Joel nodded.

"You leavin' makes this a hell of a lot more complicated…" he sighed, "If we're gonna do this thing, I wanna do it right… take you on a date– treat you right."

"I'd like that," you smiled, and you knew it was the truth.

Dating had been a means to an end; free meals in the exchange for mediocre sex for a month or three (or however long it took you to die of boredom). Dating Joel would be different; it would be real. At the start of the summer, you hadn't realized how starved you'd been for something like this, how you'd filled up on emptiness all your life and mistaken it for love.

"I got 'nother job lined up startin' next week, but I should be able to take the weekend off in a month or so," Joel told you.

Inside your chest, you felt like you'd swallowed a bag of butterflies. "You wanna come visit me?" you asked, a genuine smile tugging at your lips.

"'f you'll have me, princess."

Rising from your chair, you crossed the space between you on eager feet, slotting between his spread legs. Cupping his cheeks in your hands, you let your thumb run over his beard, the thick bristles tickling your skin. His face softened in your hands, and inside you felt the wound torn open by Joel, start to close up.

There wasn’t a chance in hell you’d give up the opportunity of being with Joel, but there was one condition…

"Only if you promise to never treat me like that ever again. I'll stomp on your fucking balls– is that clear?"

"Yes, ma'am," Joel said, a grin tugging at the side of his mouth.

Pleased, you climbed into his lap, locking your arms around his neck as you felt his large palms settle at your hips.

With your face only inches from his own, you commanded, "Say that again."

"Yes…" he grinned, his hands sliding lower to grip your ass, "Ma'am."

Pressing your lips against his, you felt something heavy fall off your heart. A weight so heavy if Joel's hands weren't on you, you'd float away. Joel licked into your mouth, deepening the kiss and exploring your mouth. Your fingers threaded through his hair, pressing him closer and closer to your body. You wished you could meld with him, become one, something strong and resilient.

When your hips started to grind against the hardening bulge in his pants, you mumbled against his lips. "One last time for the road?"

His laugh tasted sweet like honey, and you tried to lick up every sugary breath of it. His hands on your ass tightened as you rolled your hips again, his fingers making dents through the rough fabric of your jeans.

Pulling away, the sound of your wet lips smacked against the walls. Joel's grin looked infuriatingly cocky as he took in the state of you; your lips rawed and sticky with spit, and your eyes filled to the brim with lust.

"I ain't fuckin' you again until I've taken you on a date," he told you with a light smack against your ass.

"You can't be serious," you whined, head tilting as you pushed your lip out in a pout.

"Oh, I'm dead serious, princess. I'm gonna do this right, 'n that means you gotta be a good girl f'me 'n behave." Joel's voice dropped an octave as he whispered the last words in your ear, and a shiver ran down your back at the promise.

"But not too good," you told him, a smile coating your lips.

"No, I like you a little bratty."

"When does you flight land again?"

Propped up in bed, fluffy pillows soft against your back, you pressed your phone to your ear. A month had never passed as slowly as these past weeks. The new internship and settling into your new classes might've had something to do with it – you'd been overwhelmed with work – but the promise of Joel at the end of it had you longing.

"Five thirty– I already told ya yesterday, princess."

He did, right after he'd guided you towards a shaking orgasm just from his words. Joel had promised to text, but he was awful at it. You know he'd tried, replying to your texts sporadically throughout the day, but you'd quickly given up on anything substantial from him in that department. When he'd suggested a phone call before bed you'd grimaced at the thought, but hearing the deep bass through his drawl every night had you convinced without a fight – especially when you'd managed to tease him into spilling filth down the line.

"I know… but in my defense I was a little out of it," you reminded him.

Joel's chuckled, a deep rumbling laugh that dripped like honey in your ears. "Really? I couldn't tell," he teased.

"Shut up," you laughed.

"I don't think you want that," you could hear the grin coating his face.

He was right, you didn't want that. What you wanted was to talk to him all night, hear the static bass of his voice in your ear. It didn't matter what he said, what language he spoke, if the lilt was high or low, you just wanted to talk to him. But more importantly you wanted him in your bed – so you told him just that.

"What I want is: you here, in my bed, right now with your cock inside me," you pouted.

Your words pulled another laugh from Joel. "Well, then, you ought to be patient, princess."

"I'm very unfamiliar with that concept," you told him, a teasing lilt covering your words, "I'm used to getting what I want."

"Oh I know… but we ain't doin' this again, princess…" he told you, his voice dropping with sternness, "As a matter of fact, I don't want you touching yourself at all until I can get my hands on you. 's that clear?"

"Do you promise to punish me if I do?" you wondered, your teeth coming down to nibble on your bottom lip through a smile.

"I promise to keep my hands to myself and my pants buttoned for the whole weekend– does that sound like a nice punishment, brat?"

"Jesus christ," you sighed, "I guess I gotta be good until tomorrow, then."

"I'll make it up to you," he promised through a laugh.

"You better," you teased.

Pulling into the parking lot next to your apartment building, his words skipped around your brain. I'll make it up to you.

Now well into September, the days close to knocking on October's door, Joel had been a constant presence in your head ever since you’d left Austin. Your thoughts of him wandered away in your classes, conjuring him forth when you slipped a hand into your panties, and even filled up your dreams.

But the flimsy fantasy version of him was nothing compared to the solid form next to you. In the parking lot the sun slipped beneath the skyline and the golden orange light coming through your car windows kissed Joel's cheek, and bathed him in the last drops of the sun.

He was here, finally, his hand brushing against yours as you led him inside.

"It ain't how I pictured it," he spoke; the leather strap of his bag slipped from his shoulder.

You hadn't realized that you'd held your breath before it released at his words. It was like you'd been waiting for your bubble to burst, that he wasn't really here, forever a static voice speaking down your phone. But his voice was clear, and deep, and real; and Joel was flesh and blood standing beside you in your apartment. You didn't need to hold your breath anymore.

"How did you picture it?" you asked, genuinely curious as you led him deeper inside your apartment.

"I don't know…" he trailed off, his eyes darting through your space, "Bigger, maybe?"

You hummed, following his eyes as he took in your space – the furniture you'd picked out special, and the art you hadn't had time to hang yet – it was a one-bedroom, but it was enough for you. The previous year you'd lived with roommates in a fancier apartment closer to campus. Socially it was great living with your classmates, but they were all boys, and at one point when the apartment looked especially dirty, you'd considered hiring a housekeeper. But the downsides weighed lightly against the upsides, and you’d never felt lonely, not like you'd done home in Austin.

"I don't want that anymore… there's nothing lonelier than a big house." The words settled between you, a comfortable silence while you tried not to think about what Joel was thinking, as you felt his gaze burn at your cheek.

“Come here,” he said, slipping an arm over your shoulders, tucking you close to his chest. “Let’me look at ya.”

The rough pads of his fingers pushed at your jaw, tilting your head to look at him. A soft smile blossomed over his face, his eyes deepening with a soothing warmth.

"You see something?" you asked, your eyes flicking to his lips.

"You ain't lonely anymore," he told you before he leaned closer in a kiss.

The brush of his lips had your eyes fluttering shut, and the press of his lips against yours awakened a burning pit in your tummy – the flames licking at your insides and igniting your want. The words he’d promised you over the phone played like a broken record in the back of your mind.

I'll make it up to you.

Clawing at the hair at the nape of his neck, your desperate hand pulled him closer, eager to fill your tank up on Joel.

“Bedroom,” you mumbled, the word fanned against his lips, "It's been so long and I deserve it– I've worked all fucking week."

"Deserve it, huh?" he hummed, pulling away to catch your blown out and moony eyes.

"Yes, Joel," you whined, pressing your lips against his again. But Joel wouldn't have it, letting you get one good kiss in before he pulled away again, eliciting a pouty whine from your throat.

"Patience," he told you, teasing smile hanging off his mouth while the hand splayed across the side of your face tightened. "I already told ya, I ain't fuckin' you until you've taken me out."

Letting out an petulant huff, you stepped away, crossing your arms over your chest. "So, now I'm taking you on a date?" you asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

A smile tugged at his lips as he regarded you, a teasing glint in his eye. Hooking an arm around your waist, he pulled you closer, "Yes, you ought to wine and dine this old man after a long day of travel."

"Well you could've told me earlier," you moaned, leaning back in his embrace with drama, your arms still wrapped around yourself as you looked at him through your lashes. "All the good restaurants are probably full at this hour…" you trailed off, "let's just get take-out," you said, pleased at your work-around.

His other hand joined the other on your waist, "Nah-uh, princess, ain't a real date until we're eatin' out."

Raising an eyebrow at him, the innuendo wasn't lost on you. With a knowing shake of your head, you told him, "No, you just want me to beg."

Joel's eyes narrowed playfully at you, his head tilting in a playful scrutinized way, "Well, you beg so pretty f'me."

This time you were the one to narrow your eyes at him, your face scrunched together in the slightest frown. Staring at him like that, you tried to break him down, but Joel was used to your antics, and he didn't break.

Letting out another fussy huff, you said, "So… if I take you out to eat, you'll fuck me after?"

"If the foods good," he teased, one hand sliding down to squeeze your ass.

He was insufferable, you thought through a sigh, rolling your eyes at him as you slipped from his grip.

"Come on then, old man."

After a change of clothes and a visit to the bathroom to freshen up, you pondered over your usual 'rule': You didn't fuck on the first date. Sure, you weren't a stranger to a one night stand after a night out, but if a man were to take you out, you wanted to at least give it a shot before you gave it all up.

"Usually, I never fuck on the first date," you told him as the elevator hummed around you. Joel's hand rested comfortably at your lower back, and you found that you liked it– liked his casual show of affection. You didn't know why you said it. Maybe as a last resort to convince him to click the button to your floor and take you back up to your bed?

Joel didn't look at you as a smile that gave nothing away spread across his face. His response was cut off by the elevator dinging, and with his hand at your back he guided you out the elevator.

"Well, too bad for you then, princess," he hummed teasingly in your ear, which earned him a playful shove before you led him down the street.

Blitzes of red, green, and blue danced over Joel's face, the bright neon light tugging at his features in playful shadows. Overhead, the sky had darkened with night over the parking lot. It was empty, safe for the food truck parked by the entrance.

Before you'd moved back home to Austin for the summer, you'd been apartment hunting in this area. It was by sheer luck you'd found it, so close to your internship job with only a couple of blocks away. And when the sun hung high in the sky, this parking lot filled with hungry office workers eager for a well made burrito or taco. You knew because you liked to watch them from up high, the building where you did your internship giving you the perfect view of the small ants. Sometimes one of those ants was you.

The tired wood of the picnic table felt rough against your skin and it wobbled slightly if either of you put too much weight on it. In the background the truck generator hummed away between your bites, but somehow this felt perfect.

"How's your taco?" you asked, a smile hanging off your lips as you broke the comfortable silence that had settled between you and Joel.

"God damn good," Joel nodded, taking another bite.

"Right?" you smiled, a proud warmth settled in your chest. "Looks like I'm getting my dick wet later," you teased.

The laugh that rumbled out of Joel's chest, bubbled up inside you, feeding you more than the tacos. It almost took you by surprise, the feelings he'd conjured forth inside you, stronger now in his presence. Maybe all those #1 hits, and romcoms were right after all?

"We'll see," he winked.

Gulping down his second taco, Joel wiped his hand on a napkin before he wrapped a hand around his beer bottle. He watched you with a smile, how you tried your best to bite into your own taco without everything falling out.

"Too big f'you, princess?" he teased, "Shouldn't be a problem f'you, huh? You've taken bigger than that."

"Ah!" you exclaimed, mouth too full to say anything else. Kicking your foot under the table, you hit his shin lightly in a reprimand.

Joel only laughed it off, before taking a swig of his beer.

“That’s it,” he said, his eyes falling on you playfully, “Good girl.”

You couldn't hold back from letting out something between a snort and a sound. It resulted in an unceremonious amount of salsa to drip out of your mouth and onto the plate, which only made Joel laugh harder as you struggled to swallow down the huge bite of taco.

When you finally managed, you gave Joel a half-pointed, half-amused look, “Asshole.”

“You love it, sweetheart,” he said through a chuckle, and somehow the light words hit a little harder than you'd thought. Could you love Joel? Maybe you already did.

Shaking your head, you tried to rid yourself of your new discovery. “Don't be a brat Joel,” you said in a sing-songy voice, trying to hide your growing smile behind another bite out of your taco.

Joel chuckled again at the inside joke, and a sense of pride grew in your chest. “That a threat, baby?” he returned, raising a single eyebrow as he regarded you.

You gave him a nonchalant shrug as you swallowed down your taco. “Just a warning,” you told him simply, and now Joel’s lips curved into a smirk.

“A warning, huh?” he repeated as his eyes ran down the length of you and back up. He took his time, making sure you felt his gaze over your skin before he uncrossed his arms and leaned towards you over the table, “Thought I was the only one handin' out warnings ‘round here.”

“Roles can change,” you replied simply, your own smirk tugging at the corners of your lips. Joel crossed his arms under himself this time, still leaning on the table as he considered you, twinkle in his eye.

“Yeah?" he tsk-ed, "Y'gonna give me a run for my money, princess?” he asked after a second, his voice a fraction deeper than it was before.

“Shouldn't be too hard,” you told him with your sweetest smile.

Joel only looked at you as a smile tugged at the side of his mouth. The dark brown of his eyes coaxed you deeper, drew you in, like a magnetic force pulled you across the table.

God, you wanted him.

It was an almost overwhelming thought, Joel was too overwhelming. To settle your brain, your cleared your throat, looking away first.

“You, uh–… you want any dessert?” you asked, trying not to act flustered, "Their churros are really good."

“Y’haven’t even finished your taco, princess,” he pointed out with an amused lilt to his voice.

Right.

Continuing your act, you snorted as you picked up your last taco. “I meant after, obviously.” The smile on Joel's face had a hot flush of warmth climb up your neck to your cheeks.

“‘m alright f’now I think,” he said with a nod towards his plate, where he had one last taco left.

As you and Joel ate your last tacos, he told you about the lady he'd been sat next to on the flight. A real southern lady, he told you, "like sittin' next to the mouth of the south." The genuine tiredness in his voice as he talked about it, had a cooing laugh escape you, and you reached out your arm across the table to slot it in his.

When both of you were full and satisfied with tacos, Joel cleaned up your plates while you fished a cigarette from your purse. You offered one to him as he sat down, to which he shook his head, "You know those'll kill ya."

Tilting your head, you rolled your eyes at him with a smile, "I know."

Joel watched you light your cigarette, the flame brightening your face for a split second, before he spoke up, "I've been meaning to ask ya…"

"Hm?" you looked at him, inhaling the first tar-y breath and exhaling away from him through the side of your mouth.

"How'd everythin' go with your…" he hesitated, "Uh, your father."

Joel watched how your face changed at the mention of him, how you looked away from him like the words had stung you.

"I ain't gonna say I wasn't eavesdroppin' on y'all's conversation," he confessed.

Drawing a deep breath, you flicked the ash into your empty beer bottle. "It went like it always does," you shrugged, "He threatened me some more, and then I threatened him back. He's more concerned about his reputation than me, so I told him I'd post the truth about him if he disinherited me… shut him up real quick."

"I'm sorry, baby," Joel said with a shake of his head, "That ain't how you're s'posed to treat your kids."

"Well," you shrugged, taking another drag. "I'm used to it," you exhaled.

A silence settled between you, the only sound the sizzling burn of your cigarette as you took another drag, and the quiet humming of the truck generator. His words settled in your chest, and a curiosity you'd previously strangled resurfaced. Joel had a daughter.

"Was it hard, um…" you struggled to find the right words, pinching your eyebrows together as you searched. Joel leaned his elbows on the table, tipping it towards him, listening intently. "For your, uh, daughter when you got divorced?"

"Divorced?" he questioned, bushy brows pulling together in a confused frown. A second passed as he searched your face for answers. "Oh, right," he chuckled, his face smoothing out as he sat back, crossing his arms over his broad chest. "I was never married to Sarah's mom– I've never been married, baby."

"What?" Now you were confused, sporting the same frown he had, "But you said–"

"Yeah, I know," he cut you off, "But technically you put the words in my mouth, 'nd I didn't know where all this–" he pointed between you, "–was headin' so I… I just let you believe it."

"Oh."  

“Sorry,” Joel said after a second as he processed your answer, “Probably should've said somethin' but–”

“No,” you said, shaking your head, “I didn’t really ask, did I? Just assumed.”

Another silence fell over the two of you while you inhaled another breath of smoke. Joel watched you, studied you as he gulped down the last of his beer. Placing the bottle gently down against the wood, Joel continued.

“So no… Never got married, and never got divorced.”

“What happened?” you asked him gently, not sure if he wanted you to ask or not, “With Sarah’s mom?”

Joel looked down at his lap for a second, like the answer laid in his lap before he looked up with a shrug. “There ain’t much to tell, honestly… high school sweethearts, just a couple of stupid kids who made a stupid mistake.”

“But you kept the baby?”

“Yeah,” Joel said through a sigh, “We live in Texas darlin’, and back then it… it just wasn't an option for us.”

Joel shook his head, before he cleared his throat. “Anyway, we convinced ourselves we’d set up our own little family, neither of us would go off to college and we’d just work… I got a carpenter job, she waited tables– it was a total fantasy in hindsight, of course, but we didn’t know it then.”

You listened intently as Joel opened up, and noticed how he avoided your eyes. He played it cool, but you could clearly see from his body language, that this wasn't a topic he spoke about often. The realization felt disjointed, a happiness inside you at being trusted by Joel dulled by the pain hidden behind his words.

“Pregnancy was fine, even the job was goin' okay, but as soon as Sarah was born it all went to shit… we had no idea what we were in for and it was hard. We were overworked, broke, exhausted and covered in poop and puke, it wasn’t pretty.”

“Wow, you make parenthood seem like such a joy,” you told him sarcastically, trying to draw a smile across his face, but Joel only snorted.

“Whoever sells that lie should go to jail,” he said with a scoff, “Let me tell you– there ain’t nothin' harder in this world than raisin’ a child.”

This time you had to look away from Joel, the words tugging at something in your own heart; that wound that never closed. Was that why he hated you so badly? Why she didn’t want to see you? That couldn't be right, they never even tried. But you remembered those who did, the revolving doors of all the nannies who'd held you when you'd cried, blew on your knees when you scraped them, played with you in the tree house, and tucked you into bed. You were half-way through your twenties now, it was time to grow your old wounds – it was time to finally let go.

“It was too hard for her, I guess… one afternoon I came home from work and she’d packed all her bags, left Sarah in her high chair with a note– 'I'm sorry' it said. I never heard from her again, but her parents told me she’s livin’ up in Seattle now. They didn’t hear from her for a while either– almost had the police involved…”

Stumping out your cigarette, you reached across the table for his hand, “What did you do?”

“I was angry first, called her 'bout a million times 'nd got an out-of-service message, which meant she’d dumped her phone already… when it sunk in I wasn’t going to see her again I was scared shitless… here I was, barely twenty years old with a six-month old baby and no freaking idea what I was doin', and the one person I was s’posed to be doing it with had just disappeared into thin air,” Joel explained, before he let out a sigh, “Poor girl probably had some kind of postpartum depression, but we were so overwhelmed with the baby we could barely keep our lives together– 'nd I was so preoccupied with Sarah I never really addressed it… in hindsight, I feel like I failed her, y’know? I should’ve noticed, paid more attention to what she needed… I never wanted to fail my family ever again.”

"So you raised your kid.”

Joel gave you a nod, as he pursed his lips together. “I raised my kid… 'nd Tommy helped me a lot. He was just a kid, 'nd he didn't have to do it, but he moved in– watched Sarah while I was at work up until he joined the army 'nd I could afford a sitter…" Joel trailed off, his eyebrows knitting together as his breath stalled in his throat.

"I remember one night…" he started, "Sarah screamed so loud, kept on cryin' 'n cryin', and I couldn't figure out what she wanted. I'd walked around the whole house, carried her for hours until it felt like my arms were gonna fall off. It would be so easy to just give up right then 'nd there… but as I looked at her, at my perfect little baby I promised myself that I'd never make the same mistake again as I had with her mother– I'd always put my babygirl first no matter what…”

Joel let out a sigh as his eyes finally caught yours.

“I guess that’s why I was so mean with you, when you showed up at the wedding. This is my family, y’know? They mean the world to me, always been my priority, always will be… I didn’t want the decisions that I had made to affect them,” he sat up a little straighter, squeezing your hand before he looked at you intently, “I realize now that wasn’t fair to you either, so ’m sorry ‘bout that–”

You shook your head, biting down on the underside of your lip as you fought the tears that pressed at the back of your eyes. Never in your life had something so rudimentary as family mattered in your life. Family to you was something to escape, a randomized lottery that assigned you to people you had nothing in common with. Not once had it occurred to you that your actions could have had consequences for Joel's relationship with his family – and never did it occur to you that those relationships mattered.

“No, I’m sorry,” you told him, with an embarrassed shake of your head, “When I showed up at that wedding… I– I was only thinking of me and what I wanted, not about any consequences it could have for you… I guess I’m not really used to the idea of thinking about what or who matters to others… especially family.”

The last word died on your tongue as your eyes found your lap. The weight of what you'd said, penetrated through your heart, made you hear it for the first time. Across from you, Joel was silent for a long time as you sat with your confession, digesting it at your own pace.

"I know…" Joel suddenly said with a squeeze of your hand, "I forgive you."

His words had a finality to them you found hard to believe. There was no bite of anger, or falseness hidden behind sincerity, only the truth.

"I forgave you weeks ago, baby, after…” He let the words die on his tongue but you knew what he meant – after he’d seen you with your father. “Let's leave it in the past, ‘nd focus on enjoyin’ these days together.”

Joel didn't give you an opportunity to reply before he stood to his feet, reaching out a large palm for you to hold. Slotting your hand in his, he guided you past the food truck and out onto the street, holding your hand the whole way home.

"I didn't know you wore glasses," you said softly, leaning against the doorframe to your bedroom.

Joel was already under your covers, propped up against the headboard where he scrolled on his phone. He didn't look up right away, so you took your time to study him as you walked closer with slow steps. One graying curl hung over his forehead, his head tipped slightly forward as he tapped with one finger. His tanned exposed skin looked soft like silk, and you wanted to trace your fingers down the graying thatch of hair speckled down his chest.

At the sound of a quiet wosh! he finally looked up from his phone.

His glasses sat low on his nose where behind the glass his eyes rolled over you, and the brand new set of lingerie adorning your body. The transparent mesh was the perfect shade of green, one that complimented your skin so well it might as well have been made specifically for you. The bra was simple with embroidered flowers weaved through the mesh. The same embroidered flowers adorned the thong, barely concealing your mound. Usually, you wouldn't go for something like this, it wasn't your style– too cute, but there was something about it that made you feel so sexy. Maybe it was the mesh, the way the thin string of the thong split your cheeks in two, or maybe it was the small bow at the back.

You knew you looked hot, but you hoped Joel would like it anyway, you’d bought it just for him. 

Joel placed his phone slowly on your night stand, a wide grin spreading across his face. Then he leaned forward slightly, scrunching his face together in a playful squint, "So, this is whatcha look like!?"

You couldn't contain the giggle slipping through your teeth. Joel's smile hung loose, and he leaned back casually, silently inviting you into his lap.

"I like them… You look hot in them," you told him, climbing up in his lap.

"I use 'em only for readin'," he explained, taking in the sight of you before him with wandering hands.

His rough palms over your skin left goosebumps in their wake. You let him touch you, let him familiarize himself with the fabric as you leaned forward and slipped the glasses off his nose.

"You're somethin' else aren't you, princess?" The low timber in his voice had a wetness soil your panties.

"Do you like it, Daddy?" you wondered breathlessly as one of his fingers slipped through the thin band of your thong where it traced the skin underneath. "I missed your birthday… but I hope this makes up for it?" you asked, a lilt of innocence coating your words as you rocked your hips against his.

Joel's smile sat wide and toothy on his face; forming small creases around his eyes. Under you, you felt his hardening cock grow. You couldn't help but rock your hips again, chasing the feeling of him after waiting so long – you needed him now.

"Y'look real pretty, princess… so beautiful– how'd I get so lucky, huh?"

One large palm cupped your cheek and brought you closer to his face. His lips tasted fresh and mint-y when he brushed them over yours in a soft kiss. Under your skin your body buzzed with anticipation. His kiss was short; leaving you wanting more, always wanting more.

"Too bad you don't fuck on the first date," he teased, leaning back and letting his hands fall to your ass where they landed with a playful smack!

Jumping slightly from the impact, a breathy whine escaped your throat, "I can make an exception."

"Really?" he grinned, raising a single eyebrow at you, "Just f'me?"

Pushing out your lip, you gave him an impatient pout. "You promised you'd make it up to me if I didn't touch myself…" you moaned, "And I didn't."

Joel tilted his head in feigned sympathy; his hands on your ass drawing soft circles into the skin. "That's sweet, princess," he hummed before he let out a forced sigh, "I did promise ya, didn't I?"

"Yes," you nodded with a rock of your hips against his hard cock.

"Alright then," Joel said, his fingers finding the bow at the back of your thong, "Let me make it up to ya."

The silk bow keeping the thin strings of your thong together dwindled into scraps with one tug from Joel. Something drew your closer, like something bright and loud inside your chest clawed out for him. This time it would be for real – no more act to play, and no more hiding. The thought bubbled with nerves in your throat.

After discarding your thong in the bed sheets to get lost, Joel's hands cradled your face, bringing you closer. The crook of his nose grazed gently against yours before he pressed his lips against yours. 

You let yourself be explored by him, savoring the way his tongue tasted in your mouth, how he took the lead like it was the most natural thing in the world. Inside, you felt like you were about to burst; so many pent up feelings finally breaking free from his kiss. You couldn't help but grind against him; the fluffed duvet in the way of any real friction the way you wanted it, but you craved him either way.

"I know, baby," he hummed against your lips, "That pussy's aching f'me ain't it?"

"Yes," you breathed through a whine, "Please, Joel."

"Alright, princess," he soothed, "So polite for once, huh?"

"Yeah, you better savor it," you teased against him, "Because it's not happening again."

With a breathy chuckle, he pulled away to tap at the thick of your thigh. Twisting your eyebrows together in a confused frown you got off his lap. Between your legs you felt your arousal stick wetly against your inner thighs as you sat back on your knees beside him. Joel pushed the duvet away before he shuffled down the bed, exposing his body, before he laid his head down on the pillows.

"C'mon then," he waved his hand at your expectantly. "Let me take care of ya."

Not moving, your frown grew deeper at his words while your hands collected like a nervous tick in your lap.

"Sit on my face, baby, let me taste that sweet pussy."

Sit on Joel's face?

Your teeth came down to nibble on your bottom lip, as a small shiver of insecurity raced up your back. It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? You shifted on your knees unsteadily, the mattress dipping you forward where his body weighed it down.

You couldn't look at him, so your eyes found your hands in you lap. Why did you need to go through this again? What was his obsession with it exactly? To see you humiliated? And not in the fun way.

"Hey… you okay?" Joel asked, his tone low and soft. He sat up on his elbow, his body turned curiously towards you.

The way he looked at you, his eyes dark and warm and full of… something, had your cheeks filling with a blazing heat. Shaking your head, you tried to will the embarrassment away. You didn't want him to see you like that– it wasn't supposed to be like this, not this time.

"Yes." You pulled yourself together, lips tugging at a teasing smile you hoped would put Joel at ease.

Leaning forward – making sure to push your ass out and arch your back for him – you tugged at the waistband of his underwear where you could peek the outline of his hard cock straining against the cotton. Before you could pull them down, Joel's hand wrapped around your wrist, stopping you. Tilting your head curiously towards him, you could see a smirk coat his face.

"'s that whatcha want?" he asked with a raised eyebrow, and you nodded. "Greedy girl," he tsk-ed through his grin.

His strong hands were around your waist before you had time to think, manhandling your legs over his chest, exposing you and your wet center to his waiting mouth. A panic gripped your heart then, and you sat up with haste, slipping off his body.

"Don't do that, Joel," you let out, your tone laced with an unintended annoyance.

A frown pulled at his eyebrows as he sat up; his eyes bounced over your body and then your face.

"Red?" he asked, concern spilling across his face.

A sigh fell from your lips as a hand came up to rub at your face. When you didn't say anything right away, his hand caught your own, pulling it away while his other soothing palm found your cheek.

"Red?" he asked again, a little sterner – demanding an answer.

You shook your head in his hand, the words on your tongue failing you.

"What is it then, princess?"

The tenderness in his voice almost broke you down, hacking at the crumbling wall shielding you from him. Joel cared about you. He'd told you that, came all this way to make it crystal clear. So why couldn't you let him?

"Do you wanna get your dick sucked or what?"

Shaking off his palm you could feel ashamed later for slipping into your outdated disguise. This was how the sex with Joel was supposed to go – how it always went. But Joel wouldn't have it.

"Well, now I'm sayin' it– Red."

Inside, your heart sunk like a stone in water, and before you knew it you felt tears fight their way forward. You'd ruined it– your perfect day with Joel was ruined. Cautiously finding his face, you expected Joel to be angry, but the tenderness in his eyes as he looked at you hit you like a sucker punch.

"Let's stop for a minute, baby. Clearly there's somethin' botherin' you. I knew I saw it last time– what's goin' on?" he wanted to know. "Tell me," he grabbed your hand, slotting your fingers together as he held your gaze with an intensity that burned. "'n no more hidin', remember?"

No more hiding.

Squeezing your eyes shut, you managed to push back your tears as a stuttering sigh escaped you.

Okay.

Opening your eyes slowly, you gathered your courage. "I feel like I'm ruining everything," you confessed, your voice breaking a little as you told him the truth.

"That ain't true," Joel frowned, "'f you don't want this anymore, we can stop–"

"I don't want to stop," you cut him off, "I want this– you so badly! I've been thinking about it all day– all month long, b-but I…" you stuttered.

"But you don't like oral?" Joel finished for you, his frown deepening in confusion.

You shook your head, "I– um… no, not really."

Joel was silent for a second, eyes boring into you as you tried to avoid his gaze.

This was embarrassing.

“There a specific reason f’that, pretty girl?” he asked you as his hand holding yours tightened just a little while dipping his head to meet your eyes.

Your cheeks burned furiously as you looked at Joel, trying for a nonchalant shrug. “I-It just–… it doesn’t feel good.”

At that, Joel raised a single eyebrow in surprise, considering you.

“It doesn’t feel good?” he repeated, "I seem to remember you enjoyin' yourself last time…" You watched how a frown pulled at his face, his own words sinking in and replacing them with a sliver of doubt. "Or am I wrong?"

This time, Joel was the one who wouldn't meet your gaze, acting surprisingly bashful. Quickly, you shook your head, "No."

Joel's face twisted into a sad smile, and the way he looked at you told you he didn't believe you. "Y'can be honest with me. If I did somethin' you didn't like– you gotta tell me."

"It wasn't you who did it," you muttered, voice low like a whisper, the only way the words could leave your lips.

"You gotta be fuckin' kiddin' me," Joel let out in an exasperated sigh, his tone backed up by anger. Squeezing your hand again, he demanded your attention. "Who did then? Tell me, baby– some twenty-somethin’ asshole say something he shouldn’t have?”

Your eyes widened slightly at his words, surprised that he wasn’t even that far off, and the memories pushed their way forward. It’s not supposed to look like that, is it? His mocking laugh echoed in your head. The way he'd licked your mound with a scrunch of his nose as you'd wished you could've sunk through the bed.

Even though you hadn’t uttered a word, Joel had read your expression telling him he'd hit the nail on the head, and now his brows knitted into a frown.

“Baby,” he told you, his voice so tender it made your head spin. One of his hands let go of your palm, bringing his fingers up to graze the pads softly over the edge of your jaw. “We’ll do whatever you want, it’s your choice… but I wantcha to know that I think you've got the prettiest fuckin' pussy I’ve ever seen– the sweetest tastin' too.”

Dropping your head, you squeezed your eyes shut. Joel's hand slid from your jaw to cover the side of your face, the palm covering your ear and half the world disappeared. You were silent for a second, before you took a small breath.

“You mean that?”

“I don’t say things I don’t mean, princess,” he told you, tilting your head up to meet his eyes, “m’not lying either, you know… it’s the only fucking thing I can think about, only thing I wanna see when I’m fucking ya– wanna see just how good she looks wrapped 'round me.”

You couldn't fight the smile from breaking, your eyelashes fluttering bashfully as you turned your head. "You can't just say that… this is supposed to be a tender moment."

Joel's laugh rumbled through his chest. "I'm a contractor, princess, I ain't no poet. I dunno how to wax poetic 'bout your pussy."

"I don't need you to do that," you told him through a laugh, turning your head back to look at him.

"Good," he smiled, the skin around his eyes crinkling.

He studied you for a beat, before he leaned back against the pillows with an inviting raised arm. "C'mon. Let's get some sleep, baby."

“Sleep?” you asked him, the disappointment evident in your tone, “But, I–… I haven’t even sucked your cock.”

“Y’gonna let me eat you out?” Joel returned, and you crinkled your nose.

“Joel,” you whined, dragging out the vowels as your hands covered your face. A small laugh escaped Joel, and quickly his hands came up to gently pry yours away.

“Baby, I don’t wantcha doin' anythin' that makes you uncomfortable, but I also wanna make you feel good,” he told you, “I don’t believe in one-sided exchanges, and if m’honest, the only thing I can think about right now is buryin' my head between those pretty thighs and makin' you scream my name for the next five hours.”

The casual confidence in his voice sent a shudder down your spine where it pooled between your thighs. He did make you come last time, you remembered, and it had felt really really good. Still, that old insecurity at the back of your neck clung to you like a poltergeist. After a second of silence, watching the conflict on your face, Joel drew a deciding breath.

“Tell you what baby,” he said as you felt his hands gently grab at your waist and pull you towards him, “Think I know a way we can both get what we want.”

“Oh yeah?” you asked grudgingly, “What’s that, hm?”

Joel leaned forward and slotted his lips against yours gently, pulling you deeper into a sense of safety. After a second he pulled back, teeth trapping your bottom lip.

“You still have to sit on m'face,” Joel told you with a smirk, “But I’ll level with ya princess, you can do whatchu want, and I’ll make sure to keep ya distracted… promise.”

A beat passed as you let his proposal settle between you. A thought of how you could always say your safeword if you absolutely hated it crossed your mind. He'd established it so early in your relationship, set the boundaries between you clearly and you knew Joel would never force you to do anything you didn't want to do.

Drawing a deep breath through your nose, you let out a breathy, "Okay."

Joel's smile brightened before he leaned closer to press another gentle kiss to your lips, "Attagirl."

Turning you around, Joel helped you swing your leg over his broad chest where his palms settled over your hips. Maneuvering your hips backwards he positioned your exposed cunt to his face.

Afraid to put your whole weight on him, you hovered, your knees digging deeply into the mattress on either side of his head. As reassuring as Joel had been, being this exposed still made you nervous, and you couldn't help the way your body tensed up. Trying to distract yourself from what Joel thought about you, you focused on your distraction; Joel's straining cock hidden away behind the woven cotton of his underwear.

Pulling at the elastic band, you slowly revealed the length of him inch by inch. A pleased smile tugged at your lips as you took him in your hand; his thigh reacting in a twitch at your touch. He still had the prettiest cock you'd ever seen, veiny and thick, and perfectly heavy in your hand. Leaning down, you pressed a light kiss to the skin right above the base; the dark and silver wiry hair tickled your skin as you inhaled the masculine musk of him – of Joel, your Joel.

Joel's greedy fingers dug deliciously into your skin, as his dominant hand glided up your back, pushing you to lay your weight on him. You couldn't see what he was doing, only feel the hot breath of him so close to the core of you.

"She looks so pretty drippin' f'me," his voice rasped, placing a fluttering kiss through your folds, "'n she tastes even better."

You couldn't help the stuttering breath that escaped you, your eyes squeezing shut as Joel licked a stripe from your clit to your hole, tasting you unabashedly with a content hum. His fingers dug deeper into your skin as you whined, holding you firmly against his mouth to keep you from squirming away.

Focusing back at your task at hand, you tightened your fist around his cock, gathering a blob of spit in your mouth and let it slowly drip down the length of him. You watched your spit run over your knuckles before you started to work your hand up and down his length, thumbing over the head to mix your spit with the precum sprouting from the tip as you wet his cock with slick squelching tugs. Against your stomach, you could feel his chest vibrate in a content hum.

Kneading your ass cheeks firmly, Joel spread you apart for him before you felt him spit harshly against your cunt. The spit ran down your folds, gathering at the flat of his tongue where he circled it around your clit. You tensed at the contact, your face pulling together in the slightest of frowns of pleasure.

"Shit," you let out in a breath.

Pleased at the reaction he'd pulled from you, Joel hummed against your cunt, wet and spread open for him to devour. "Yeah? That feel good, princess?"

"Uh-huh," you moaned, your hand stilled at the base of his cock, as he traced circles around your clit with his tongue.

Cocking his hips, Joel reminded you of your neglected job. Pulling yourself together, you tightened your fist around him again. Mesmerized, you lowered your head and dropped open your mouth, slapping the wet length of him against your waiting tongue. Pleased, you hummed at the first salty taste of him, the familiar heaviness of him in your mouth. Enveloping him in your mouth, you closed your lips around the mushroom tip to tease the head with your circling tongue, making him twitch in your mouth at the new stimulation.

The way his mouth had latched around your clit, sucking and flicking it expertly, made it hard to concentrate. So much was happening all at the same time, his tongue devouring you, urging you towards a long awaited orgasm, but judging from the way he started to buck his hips into your mouth, you figured the same thing was happening to him.

Trying your best to keep your focus, you started to bop your head. Relaxing your throat, this new angle made it easier to take the hefty length of him down your throat, and you found that you liked it. Pushing your head deeper, you gagged yourself on him, loving the feeling of how he filled up your throat with each bop of your head.

On his tongue your clit pulsed with need, and you found yourself moaning around his cock, making Joel's hips buck from the vibrations in your throat. Joel ate your pussy greedily, drinking up every whimper and moan your body produced as he coaxed you closer and closer with just his tongue.

You couldn't stay still, even with Joel's fingers digging harshly into the flesh of your ass, branding you as his. With your head clouded in lust, you didn't realize you started to push back against his tongue, chasing the high of the swipes and zigzags of his tongue through your soaked folds. "Feels so fucking good," you mumbled, lips pressed to the side of his cock while your head was clouded in cotton candy bliss.

Choking yourself on his cock again, you pulled yourself under the blanket of tranquil arousal, your head filled with nothing except the way Joel took care of you, and how good his cock felt in your throat. Your desperate hands found his heavy balls, cupping them gently before you rolled them in your hands, earning you a deep rumbling groan.

"That's it– play with my balls, baby– good girl," he moaned into your pussy.

His praise settled in your tummy like a warm cup of tea on a cold day. The wet breath of him against your throbbing clit was almost too much to take, and now you started to grind against this face, fucking yourself against his tongue as you chased your high that just continued to build, and build, and build. His rough hands on your ass guided your movements, and when your thighs started to tense with arrhythmic shakes, he latched onto your clit and sucked.

"Come on baby… that's it– good girl," he hummed, "Come f'me, princess."

Pulling off his cock with a wet pop, your head came to rest over the thick of his thigh as your body started to shake and wither with your orgasm. You felt him grunt against your cunt, his tongue never ceasing to assault your aching clit. He lapped greedily at you, tasting each drop of your blinding ecstasy. His cock sat heavy in your hand, small wet whimpers puffing against the wet skin of him as you rode out your high.

In your chest, you could feel your heart grow larger, bursting out of your chest for Joel, like it reached its hand out to intertwine it with his.  

When the tension in your body let go of you and your grinding hips faltered, you sat up slowly, sliding down his chest on shaking legs as you beared your weight on his thick thighs. His hefty cock laid heavy and throbbing against his stomach, smeared and glistening in your saliva. With a curious tilt of your head, you wrapped your hand around him, his hips bucking as you jerked him slowly.

"Fuck," he spat.

Looking over your shoulder, Joel looked a mess coated in your arousal. The coarse salt and pepper hair of his beard glistened in the dimmed light as he turned his head to the side, pushing it deeper into the pillow while you teasingly skated your fingers down the length of him. His moan vibrated through his chest, and a smile followed a pleased prickling feeling of pride in your chest – pluming yourself at having a man like him at your mercy, your eyes found his cock again.

In your hand you felt him throb; the thick vein down the underside of him protruded with need. His hands found the thick of your thighs, palms spreading over your skin like an afterthought before they settled at your hips. Leaning down, you longed to feel him fill up your throat again – finding you liked this new angle.

Placing a pouty kiss to the head, you licked at the pearling precum. Did it always taste this good, or was there just something so obsessively special about Joel? Humming contently, you hollowed your cheeks around the head, before you dropped your jaw to slowly ease him back down your throat.

Joel's hands on you tightened like he was holding on for dear life, as another pleasurable moan fell from his lips. 

"Shit– you love that cock don't cha– love sucking cock like a good whore."

His words had you whimpering around him – he was right after all, you loved sucking his cock. You wished you could see him, see the way his eyes squeezed shut as you took him deeper. A rush of arousal pooled in your tummy at the thought, ready to gush over the greying hair scattered over his chest.

Starting up a bopping rhythm again, an obscene gagging squelch escaped your throat at every bop, filling your bedroom with filth. Joel's mouth wasn't any better, rambling degrading praise that only urged you on. When your hands found his balls, slicked up with your runaway spit, his fingers dug harshly into your ass cheeks.

"Stop, baby… I'm so fuckin' close."

Pulling away, you dropped your head to his thighs, laying down gently with your hand still wrapped around him at the base. Tightening your grip around him, Joel's breath stalled in his chest, and you couldn't help but place a soft kiss down the length of him.

"Baby," he said sternly, and a bubbling laugh escaped your lips.

Loosening your grip, his cock slapped against his skin where the head wept onto the skin below his belly button. His hands on your ass pushed at you, and you slid your body off him, your thighs sticking together wetly as you sat back on your knees beside him.

Sitting up against the headboard, a soft groan fell from his lips. His gaze over you was blown out and wide, and his grin wide with teeth.

"Come here," he ordered, the crook of his arm open for your body to slot into.

His other hand fell at the top of your chest, sliding it up around the back of your neck, holding you. The heavy weight of his touch had you pliant and loose in his hands; your eyelids fluttering with desire. He could do whatever he wanted to you in that moment, and you'd let him, but the only scandalous thing he did was kiss you.

He tasted like you, and you as him, and nothing had felt more right. Somehow, he maneuvered you onto his lap, distracting you with his kiss as he positioned you how he wanted. 

His leaking cock pressed into your stomach, and if you hadn't been so distracted the visualization would spark a thought of how deep inside you he'd reach, would graze you. Instead, you licked into his mouth, your desperate hands finding his cheeks where his beard prickled your palms.

"You want that cock inside, don't ya, princess?" he nudged between kisses, slipping a hand between your bodies to angle the tip of his cock to rub through your folds, circling it around your aching hole.

The new stimulation had you pulling away from his mouth with a hitched breath, "Please– been so long."

Pressing your cheek into the crook of his neck, a sticky sheen of desperation clung to your skin as you lifted your hips. He slid the bulbous head through your seam where you dripped over him, coating him in your slick arousal.

"Go ahead, baby, sit on that cock, take what you need," Joel's voice rumbled against your skin.

Lowering your hips, the blunt fat head of his cock pushed past your folds and nudged at your opening. He let you take the lead this time, letting you control the pace at which you worked inch by inch of him deeper inside you. The stretch of him always burned deliciously, an aching pleasure that you didn't think you'd ever get enough of.

When you finally eased yourself down on him, your hips flush with his, a guttural moan fell from Joel's lips. Sitting on his cock like this, he reached deeper than he'd ever done before; a heavy pressure poking at the deepest part of yourself. It was almost too much, your thighs clenched as they fought to move back up.

"There you go," he cooed, "So fuckin' tight f'me."

"Joel," you whined out in a heavy breath, digging you face deeper into the crook of his neck.

"'s alright," he soothed, nosing down the length of your jaw, "'s all yours, use it princess– get yourself off on my cock."

You couldn't help the whimper you stuck to his skin as you felt him flex inside of you, your walls fluttering around him desperately as you rocked your hips into him. The wiry hair at the base of his cock nudged against your throbbing clit, the new angle prodded at the spot inside that made your hips stutter.

Joel let you do all the work as you lifted your hips, slowly at first, and lowered yourself down on him. Looking for more leverage, you forced yourself to sit up straight, your hands digging into his shoulders as you pushed back on him at an increasing pace, using him for your own pleasure.

"Such a good girl, keep goin', just like that," he praised from under you, watching how your eyebrows creased as your eyes shut at the increasing pleasure.

Moving your hips at an unabashed pace, Joel's hands found yours to intertwine with. "Come on, baby, don't stop now, ride that cock, bounce on it like a good slut," he encouraged, pushing back against your hands.

Lost in the fog of your own pleasure, desperate pleas and whiny breaths were the only coherent sounds falling from your lips, the feeling of him filling you up repeatedly, too good for words.

When your thighs burned with effort, you slowed down your bounces and fell against his chest to catch your breath. Swiveling your hips between chasing grinds, the desperation in you still chased your orgasm.

"Gettin' tired, princess?" Joel asked, his voice full of faux pity. His hands untangled from yours to fall at your back, his fingers teasing over the band of your bra. "Need me to do it f'ya, huh?"

Hooking his finger under your bra strap, he pulled, letting it smack harshly and quick against your skin in reprimand. You jolted against him, letting out a whine and a "Yes, please," as the end of him poked at your spot at the movement. 

Unhooking your bra, Joel cast it aside, getting lost in the duvet along with the rest of your underwear. Cupping your ass, he squeezed a good handful before a hand came down in a stinging smack!

What happened next was nothing short of instinctive. Keeping you steady in his lap, Joel thrusted up into you, setting a brutal pace. Bouncing in his lap, you felt like a rag doll. Rolling your head back, you met every thrust, felt every vein, and every ridge of him, as the fat head repeatedly hit the spot so deep inside you. When your vision started going spotty with pleasure, and Joel's lips spilled filth between his grunts, you  were tethering right on the edge.

"Keep goin'– good girl, earn my fuckin' cum."

"Y'want me to fill y'up don't cha? Have it leakin' outta you all night."

"Come on, princess, I know you're close, give m'cock a big squeeze."

The noises spilling out your throat were breathy and whiny, harmonizing perfectly with the deep guttural grunts out of Joel. When his hand reached between your bodies, the flat callused pad of his thumb putting pressure down on your clit, it was all too much.

With an arch of your back, he tipped you over the edge, the pleasure rolling over you like a blinding wave. Your body went rigid for a moment, your cunt squeezing around him like a vice, before the tension released in a stuttering shake.

"There she goes, my good girl," Joel praised, but his voice was far away, like someone had stuffed cotton in your ears, or pulled your head under water.

Prolonging your release, Joel never stopped his thrusts, only slowing them down as he sped up his fingers on your clit. Your mouth dropped in a quiet scream, your face twisted in pained pleasure as a stream of liquid gushed from your cunt.

You didn't notice the surprised look on his face, or the way he groaned out, "Fuck– you're amazin', princess– 'm comin'." But you felt the way his cock twitched inside you, pulsed thick spurts of his cum as he filled you deep and steady with his hot release.

Caught up in his own pleasure, Joel sunk down the bed, dragging you with him. The feeling of his cum filling you up, branding you as his, had you withering with another gush of release over his thighs. Your skin stuck to his, and with this new angle his cock slipped out of you from the force of your orgasm.

Everything was sticky, everything was hot. Riding out the last buzzes of your ecstasies, you could still feel how intensely your clit throbbed as Joel's heavy release dribbled out of you, making a mess over his wet thighs and softening cock.

You didn't realize you were crying until Joel peeled your cheek from his chest, two large palms cupping your head to thumb at the wet tears.

"'s okay, baby, you're okay," he cooed, wrapping his strong safe arms tightly around you, while you clung to him like a koala bear. "I'm here."

It was only two words, but it was just the two you needed to hear.

Joel was here.

"Thank you," you whispered, afraid your voice would break if you spoke louder.

"You did so good f'me," he cooed, as your heartbeats steadied.

Pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head, Joel turned to the side, dragging you with him. Your limbs were coated in your releases, and sweat clung to your skin, but it didn't matter as he pulled you closer. You didn't know how long he held you, how many kisses he pressed against your skin, but you could never get enough.

When he finally pulled away, you whined, your fingers digging into the flesh of his arm.

"Please don't leave," you whimpered, your brain scrambled with vulnerability.

"'m not leavin', pretty girl, but ‘m gettin’ you cleaned up. That sound alright?"

Getting out of bed felt like moving through molasses, but Joel was patient, helping you to the bathroom on your wobbly legs. Finding a washcloth in your cupboard, he dampened it with warm water before he dragged it down your thighs, catching the mix of your combined release where it had started to run down your leg.

"Made a mess didn't we?" he teased with a wink.

Shooting him half of a smile, you only nodded, tiredness pushing at your eyelids. Joel didn't push, only cleaned himself up before he told you to pee while he changed the sheets. When you finally emerged from the bathroom, Joel invited you back in his embrace, curling himself around your body in a safe weight as your eyelids started to droop to the feeling of his soft kisses against your skin.

When you woke, the bed was empty. Looking around the room a coldness ran through you as you started to wonder if last night had all been a dream. But then you heard a low hum of music coming through the open bedroom door, along with the smell of breakfast cooking, and the coldness melted away.

Grabbing your robe off the hook by the door, the music got louder as you padded into your kitchen. Joel stood with his back to you, already dressed as he pushed gently at the eggs frying in the pan. With a look over his shoulder, Joel noticed you and the smile that spread on his face as he took you in in all your morning glory, had a warmth tug at your heart.

"You ain't got no coffee in this house," he told you, turning back to the eggs.

"I usually go down to the coffee shop on the corner," you shrugged, sitting down at the table.

"That ain't real coffee, princess," he clicked his tongue playfully, sliding the eggs carefully onto two plates he'd set aside with two pieces of toast ready.

"Thank you serf," you joked as he placed one of the plates in front of you. It earned you a genuine laugh as Joel sat down opposite you.

"You're welcome, brat," he smiled.

There was something so romantic about the way he said it, all casual and smirking. And when you caught the way his eyes glinted as he looked at you, you found yourself thinking that if this was love, then you thought you could get used to it.

For the first time in your life, you wanted to fall in love. 

Again and again.

© shellshocklove, 2024 i do not give any permission to repost, translate, feed to AI or redistribute any of my writing, with or without credit!

[the-faceless-bride]

can i have yandere clawd and deuce poly 😪 iltsm( i love yr writing ur one of my fav writers btw 💞)

Omg. I love both of them so much. 🥩🐍 Bluckle the FUCK up, it's a long one. I love them so much. I gave each their own section as to how this started, then the poly together. If you want more of them... Please... Please ask me. P.s. sorry about all the monster puns, I couldn't help myself

🌕New Ghoul in School🐍

Warnings: OOC Clawd, OOC Duce, OOC Cleo?, OOC Draculaura? Clawd being a kicked puppy, yandere content, controlling behavior, turning to stone, non-con hugging, cuddling and Kisses, forced closeness, UNHEALTHY BEHAVIOR!, accusations of cheating, emotional cheating?

Characters : Clawd × Reader × Duce

Proof read : nope

Requested?: yes

You had just transferred from your normie school, Turns out people are so accepting of finding out you're a monster. So you transferred to Monster High, and being a new ghoul didn't seem so hard until you tripped an orange werecats tail and she picked a fight with you...

"and just Who, do you think you are? I don't know how you are your Normie friends play, but you don't want to mess with me Ghoul. I'll make you sorry-"

"why don't you go and pick on someone your own size Torilie?"

"yeah, Dude. Not cool."

🐾🐍 • and that's how it started. Just two Mansters defending the New Ghoul. They knew Torilie was one to pick fights and figured they would help you stay out of trouble for the time being. And the three of you became three peas in a pod. And while you all thought it was great, their Ghoulfriends... Had other ideas.

🐍🕶️ • Cleo started having problems as soon as you had arrived. Your first day she already knew who you were, what you were, where you came from, and if you were cool enough to be popular and associate with the Ghouls she does. And she deemed you not worthy. And that was putting a strain on your friendship.

🐍🕶️ • Duce was grown increasingly tired and frustrated. He loved Cleo, he did. But she could be... Emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting. When they go out he has to change his personality to not embarrass her, she dictates who can can hang out with and when, and he has to constantly hear from her that he should be doing as she asks and says and do it happily as she goes against what her family wants to be with him. He doesn't want to do that anymore. He wants to be able to Shoot Hoops with Clawd, sit with Jackson at lunch, and talk about the Hissstory test. Listen to whatever playlist Holt made or play dodgeball with Slow Mo. Without Cleo saying when he can and can't.

But he just can't leave her. He's become so dependent on her. Hell, the last time She went to Scarise without him, he nearly went crazy as he didn't know what to do. He couldn't leave Cleo. Even if he wanted to... Unless. Maybe he didn't need to be dependent on her. Maybe. He could be dependent on you.

🐍🕶️ • Duce began to test the waters, which was the start of his obsession. For example at lunch when Cleo tells him to get the green eyed Salad and a water, he'll then turn around and ask you... Sometimes when you feel the burn of Cleo's raging stare you won't respond or say the same as Cleo, but on the days you don't pay attention or to stressed to care you recommend the meat plant sandwich and the yummy razzberry soda pop you've been drinking the past few days. And he'll pick your recommendation. And it Infuriates Cleo. He likes that with you, he has a choice, where Cleo demands and tells. You offer and recommend.

🐍🕶️ • this intimately ends in an explosive argument that Spectra has a field day covering. And Duce does something, not him. Her. Or anyone else in the school say coming. "I'm breaking up with you Cleo." a long still silence fills the halls as everyone takes a moment to process what he just said. Before Cleo screams and storms away, and Duce... Doesn't feel as heartbroken as he thought he should.

🐍🕶️ • Duce starts spending most if not all his free time with you and Clawd, well. Mostly you as Clawd gets called from Draculaura a lot. And while he's sad he can't spend more time with Clawd he's happy to spend time with you. You help groom his snakes, you help him pick which sunglasses he should wear each day, (even though they are all just different shades of red) as well as his many band sweaters. Rumors spread like wildfire, especially with Spectra's gossip site.

"Duce trades princess for new Ghoul?! Stay tuned for the possible new hot relationship??"

🐾🌕 • when Clawd first met you he thought you were great! He got a new friend to hang out with! Sure Manny, Heath, Gill, and Duce we're cool but Clawd has a thing for fashion and self-care, that's not something he really talks about with them BUT that's OK! cuz now he can talk about it with you! He ended up spending a bit of free time with you, anytime Draculaura was out and shopping or just Fanging out with her Ghoulfriends or catching up with her Cousin, he would spend his afternoon with you. Getting his hair straightened and trimmed, getting manicures so his nails don't get too sharp and ridged. And eventually, when he's comfortable with you, he'll start playing games. Like fetch or chase. The only issue is that when Duce started to come around more and Cleo trying to keep him on a leash, slowly Draculaura started calling him and needed him more and more. He didn't think much of it, until Duce's big breakup with Cleo. A week later Draculaura wouldn't leave him alone for a second, and anytime you started approaching she took his hand and pulled him in another direction.

🐾🌕 • it started becoming draining, he loves spending time with his Ghoulfriend. He truly did. But not when every two seconds she was hinting and implying all the time he spent with you was him creeping around behind her back. Nothing he did or said made her change her mind, now everything he did seemed to set her off. She was so paranoid, that he went out of his way to make her a gift to show that he loved her, but he accidentally made it worse, he had to try and hold back tears and puppy cries as she said, "Bad Clawd!" over and over while tugging his ear. He doesn't understand what he did wrong, he just made a new friend. You nor him did anything. So why was she being like this?

Any attempts to talk about it were shut down, as she tried keeping him away from you. And he just couldn't take it anymore, he liked being clingy but he was clingy because he genuinely wanted to be around his partner not just sticking to them like glue-watching like a hawk to 'catch them in the act'. He would go as far as to say this was worse than the time he was dumped for Valentine the love manipulator.

🐾🌕 • Clawd began to confide in you, Draculaura wouldn't listen to him so he was happy you did. He spent hours just sitting under a tree at the back of the school with you, drawing doodles in the dirt, ears tucked back to his head as he vented about his feelings and how the recent arguments had affected him, you tried to help every time. But eventually, word got to Draculaura about your little meetings, and stormed over one day with her ghoulfriends in toe.

Both you and Clawd had to endure the burning glare of the Ghouls, Draculaura ranting and raving and ultimately giving him an ultimatum. You or her. And Clawd's ears pinned flat to his head, he didn't want to lose his Ghoulfriend but he didn't want to lose you either. But before he could answer Draculaura said something that gave him the push to his ultimate answer. "ugh, I should've known! A guy hangs out with other guys like him! And Duce is a lying, dirty, cheater and so are you! And this new Ghoul sure has some nerve to go around sneaking with other Mansters knowing they are dating someone! If that's the kind of Manster you are Clawd then maybe... Eh *hick* MaYbe we shouldn't Be togEther!" a moment passes where Clawd looks down into Draculaura's wet violet eyes, sighs, then answers. "maybe we shouldn't." the ghoul's Gasp and Draculaura sobs, "FINE! WE ARE OVER!"

🐾🌕 • Clawd thought relieved he wouldn't be interrogated every day and being told he's bad, he's still heartbroken that the Ghoul he thought he'd spend his life with was gone. He clung to you and Duce for security and long talks to make him feel better and eventually, he did. Clawd was back to his peppy, wide-eyed, excitable self again. In fact, he's the happiest he's been. His mood wasn't Even shaken when he found out Draculaura had begun dating his sister, he just didn't care. He was happy.

🐾🌕 • It wasn't until a late-night Chat; that you and Clawd had stayed over at Duce's house after seeing a new skinwalker Scareitage Boovie that Clawd discovered that not only He had feelings for you but so did Duce... And well, he had always liked Duce maybe even more than just a bro, but this changed everything. And they agreed. A scarily wonderful idea...

"Vampy puts doggy out for good? Or does Doggy like the Dog house with his chew toy?"

🐍🐾 • now Duce and Clawd are softer yandere's than the normal. But that doesn't mean they won't use force if they need to. Duce is a Dependant, laid-back, stalker-type yandere. He's ok with letting you have wiggle room as long as he knows where you are at all times and can get to you in a short period. Whereas Clawd is a Clingy, overprotective, worshiper-type Yandere. Clawd wants to be near you all the time if you let him, but he's ok with letting you go for a while as long as he has Duce he always knows where you are because Duce knows, if at any point Duce doesn't know for some reason or he's not around Duce to find out, he'll use his nose to track you down.

🐍🐾 • You probably wouldn't know they are yandere's unless you start trying to spend more time with others that aren't them. The more you try and hang out with Operetta and Cupid they start to get a little more aggressive and demanding of your time and attention. Which can trigger some alarm bells that something isn't right. The best thing would be to try and talk and compromise they are willing to do that as long as you promise to let them keep tabs "for safety reasons," and you spend time with them immediately after.

🐍🐾 • after a month or two they start to be more openly affectionate and act like a Throuple, it went over your head at first with Duce's laid-back attitude and Clawd's over-excitable personality being normal, but the more Clawd wanted to play fetch and hug you, and Duce constantly being around you despite having the freedom to hang out with his other dudes you start to get the idea they might be romantically interested.

🐍🐾 • You opened to the idea, and the relationship seemed to be working well... Until they started to become, overwhelming. Clawd always over your shoulder, Duce always seeming to know where you are... Even when you didn't tell him where you were. And things took a turn when you tried to tell them you needed space. "You're... Breaking up... With us?" you sputtered, you definitely didn't answer and deny fast enough as you felt your body start to stiffen and cold. Duce had turned you to stone. Clawd whimpered while holding your cold stiff stone body, "im sorry sweetheart. But we can't have you running from us. Just be good ok? Please?" after that you'd been chained to them by that point. Nobody would've believed you if you told them the school's Cool guy and oversized puppy were forcing you into a relationship...

🐍🐾 • they aren't too harsh on punishments. For the most part. Once you tried to run away once, you waited for a moment to be alone before printing off trying to get somewhere, anywhere but there. But you forgot who you were dealing with and Clawd chased you down. Clawd's punishments involve many forced hugs, kisses, and closeness. If he shows how much he loves you at some point you'll see it's true and love him too! Right?

Duce will turn you to stone anytime he gets an idea you're about to run off. He makes Clawd drag you to his house. Which takes a lot of manipulation and convincing. Clawd doesn't want to lock you away to be alone. He wants you to be around them! But Duce scares him into going along with it. Even sometimes provokes him to anger to be more willing to lock you in a dirty old basement.

🐍🐾 • overall. As long as you stay and promise to love them, and don't mind clinginess it's a cute relationship... But if you reject them, you'll spend a lot of time in an old basement in Duce's home, alive but unable to move. To feel. Or scream.

[spidybaby]

Leaked | Part Two

Summary: Kylian realized he made a mistake with you. Sadly, it was a little too late.

Warnings: cursing, mentions of cheating, gaslight, pregnancy talk.

A/N: sorry about the time, life got crazy but I fix it and now I'm back.

Part one

The vibration of the phone is what woke him up. The bothering feeling was making him uncomfortable, eyes opening up.

"Yes?" He asks, raspy voice.

"Kylian, good morning." He hears the Mister voice. "Sorry to bother you this early, I need you to come downstairs to meet me and Mister Florentino."

"Mister, Buenos días." He says in Spanish. "I'll be there, give me five minutes."

He hung the phone, getting up and walking to the bathroom to wash his face and brush his teeth.

He puts on a tracksuit, looking at you. So peaceful, so sleepy. You were so calm, nothing bothering your mind.

He grabs his phone. Noticing that it died because he forgot to charge it. Thankfully it lasted enough to get the call.

Walking to your side, he gave a kiss to your shoulder and hair. Smiling at the small, sleepy smile you give at the feeling of love.

He left the room, PowerBank in hand, and phone in the other. He was calmed, thinking it was a call because of the strategy he planned with the Mister.

He happily walked over to the small reunion room the club asked the hotel to reserve for them. He sees the lawyer of the club, Florentino, and the Mister.

"Buenos días." He smiles. "Sorry about the wait. I was sleeping." He smiles, shaking hand with them.

"This is Gonzalo, he's our lawyer." Florentino says.

"I know, nice to see you again." He smiles at Gonzalo.

He nods, looking at both Florentino and Ancelotti. They just nod and turb back to him. "Kylian, I don't know if you looked at your phone before coming here."

He frowns, not caring about his phone because it is dead. "It's dead." He smiles, lifting his phone that was connected to his powerbank.

"What we are about to show you, we know it's not going to be easy to overcome." Ancelotti says. "Gonzalo, please."

He opens the iPad he has next to him. Turning it to him to show him the news article. "I know you have a private life. We are not going to judge your life, we just want you to know how you would like to know how you would like us to proceed."

He's blank.

He can't even read the full article. His mind goes to the pictures of her.

Her.

"Do you want me to bring some champagne?"

He nods, unbottoning his pants and leaving them aside. He turns the water off, moving back into his room to change the Playlist.

He sees his phone, opens it, and notices he has a message from you. He opens it, looking at the picture you sent him. You were opening the gift he sent you.

He feels his stomach turn. You thank him for always spoiling you. Telling him that when you see him, you'll try to make it up.

Make it up for a gift he sent you because he feels bad that he's sharing his bed with another girl that's not you.

"I got the champagne." Silvia says.

He turns the do not disturb mode. Leaving his phone on the nightstand. He feels the cold lips on his back.

"I talked to your mom." She says, serving a bit of the gold liquid into the glass. "I reserved the table at the restaurant you asked." She smiles. "And I got the special room."

He thanks her, grabbing the glass from her hand and drinking the champagne like a shot. "Take that off. Let's get into the water." He chuckles, moving the bra strap down her shoulder.

He walks into the bathroom, taking his boxers off and entering the water of the jacuzzi. His body relaxed at the warm of the water.

He feels her body sticking to his, her legs on each side of him. "I love you." She says. "Ethan and I were talking about having another trip together with your family."

He throws his head back. Body tensing at how much guilt he feels that you are happy at home, thinking he had a nice gesture with you. Meanwhile, he's talking about future plans with another woman.

He opens his eyes, looking at her. Her hair remains him of you. "I'll leave my card with you tomorrow, I remember how much you wanted to change your hair color." He lies.

Silvia loves her hair. She thinks it's cute and natural. But Kylian needs to have a difference between you and her.

"Did I?" She asks, confused. "I feel good with my color."

"You told me that." He lies again. "Remember, you even showed me that picture of that actress."

Her frown is hard, she's trying to remember who he's talking about. "Who?"

She curse in his mind. "The one from that movie with the French actor." He says, thinking about the last movie he saw with you. "Flower?"

"Flower?" She repeats. "Are you talking about Florence Pugh?" Silvia laughs. "I don't remember, but if you liked that, I'll do it."

He smiles, happy that he got what he wanted. Silvia was easy to convince. Even when she didn't like the idea, she would do it for him.

"But why?" She cries. "I thought you loved me."

"Sil, amour." He sighs, tired. "I think you need to find someone who can be with you like you want to."

She sobs into her hands once again, making him roll his eyes. Why was she so dramatic?

"Stop it, please." He taps her head. "I'll send you that pretty bag you like to make it up." He smiles.

She lifts her head, slapping his hand away. "I don't want a bag, Kylian." She yells. "I want compromise."

"I can't give you that." He scuffs. "I told you, I'll make it up. Take it or leave it."

Silvia shakes her head, trying to get composure.

"Is it because I thought I was pregnant?" She asks, sad.

He makes a face, he didn't even thought of that.

"No." He says, very dry.

"Then explain it to me."

"I don't like you anymore." He says, not caring if he's hurting her. "There, you wanted the truth."

Her eyes fill with tears, making him feel tired and want for her to stop and leave. "But I love you."

"Well, I don't." He gets up from bed. "I need to go to training, pack your things, I'll send you your flight information."

She tries calling his name. She even ran after him. "I'll be better, please, Ky."

He presses the elevator button, turning to her right after. He doesn't even care if she gets on her knees.

"If you don't get to pack everything, I'll send it over to your house." He says, hearing the ring of the elevator door opening. "Just be out before five." He smiles, winking at her.

He takes his phone out of his pocket, opening the message you sent him. It was about you packing your thing, telling him how happy you are to see him.

He calls you. "My love." He smiles, happy that you answer his facetime. "Ready to flight?"

"Hi, my love." You say to him, placing the phone. "I'm finishing with the packing, and then I'll leave to the airport."

He smiles at how cute you look, his jersey of the real madrid looking cute on you. "Bring that bikini I love." He teasily smiles.

"It's already packed." You shily says. "Are you going to train?"

"Oui, wish me luck." He chuckles. "Right after we are meeting the team to leave."

"Have fun today, okay?" You softly say. "I love you."

"I love you more." He says, honest about his feelings. "When you land and get to the hotel, tell me."

"Oui oui." You laugh. "I have to make a work call before leaving, so I'll see you soon, amour." You smile, sending him a kiss.

He smiles at his phone. Sending you a kiss. If only his friends would see him doing that. They would laugh at how comical he would look.

"Love you, bye."

Gonzalo calls his name again. Making him go back to reality. He noticed the now black screen of the iPad.

"I know it's hard." Gonzalo says. "But, we were thinking that maybe we can put out a statement and try to deny this."

"Would this work?" He asks. He's worried.

"We can blame it on AI." Gonzalo says. "I think this would be hard on your partner but it's for the better."

He clears his throat. "She's not." He pauses, feeling embarrassed. "She's not my partner."

Gonzalo lifts his hands. "Don't have to give me any explanation." He smiles. "Just know she would get some heat because of this."

"I don't care about her." He says, harsh but honest. "Just please fix this."

Gonzalo nods, turning to Florentino and to Ancelotti. They nod, too. "I'll work right now on the statement, I'll send it to your lawyer and manager."

Kylian thanks him. Shaking his hands as he stood up and left the room. "I'm sorry, Mister." He says. "I'm sorry, Mister Perez."

"Don't, we know this wasn't something you planned." Florentino smiles. "Just don't worry about it and focus on the game."

"Will do, sir, thank you for understanding."

"Relax, Kylian." Carlo says. "Go take a cold shower, and don't worry about checking social media."

He nods. Thanking them again, and walking back upstairs. He checks his messages, answering the one from his mom.

> Don't log into x or Instagram. <

> Why? What did you do? <

> Trust me on this. Just let me fix something and I'll call you. <

He doesn't want to get into the room. He has a feeling. He opens the door, hearing a sniff.

His heart broke, and his stomach dropped. Your teary eyes, your wet cheeks. You follow his eyes, letting a sob out of your mouth.

You cry into your hands.

It's like a dejavu of Silvia crying into her hands. Except this time he cares. He cares about your feelings, he cares about your sobs.

He wants to ask you to slap him, to yell at him. He wants you to do anything, but leave. He can't help but breathe hard.

He follows you with his eyes, you slam the door of the bathroom. He throws himself on the bed. Cursing at himself for being so stupid.

He feels his phone vibrate, Silvia's name showing up. He declined the call, texting her that he would call her later.

She tries again. He just sits back on the bed, declining the call once again.

> Kylian, answer

> I need to talk to you

> why is your lawyer calling me?

> You think I did this?

> love, just answer. I know we ended bad, but I'll never. <

He left the phone on the side, airplane mode on.

You open the door, red puffy eyes. He wants to cry just by the look of you. You move to your luggage, packing the things you have outside of it.

He's petrified, he can't move for the love of God. He's into this state where he can't really do anything because he fears you would react bad to it.

The conversation with you feels like a fever dream. He wants to hit himself, he wants to undo his mistakes and prioritize you over anybody.

Reality hits him. You left the room, he needs to go after you. He opens the door quickly, finding Gonzalo outside.

"Hey, thank God you answered." He sighs.

He enters the room, making kylian whine. "Can you wait for me here?" He says. "Just a moment."

He doesn't wait for the answer. He runs to the stairs. He needs to find you. He thanks the stars that he's an elite athlete because he gets to be on the lobby in no time.

Sadly for him, he can't find you. Not there, not on the parking, not on the elevators. You disappeared.

He wants to scream.

He then moves back to his room. Knocking on the door for Gonzalo to open it. "Sorry."

Gonzalo just nods, not understanding but not wanting to ask. "I sent the statement to your team, they approved it."

Kylian just nods.

"Also, the majority of the people on social media are saying they belive its fake because even when the.pictures with your family are there, she's always in the corner so it looks well edited."

He feels weird, Silvia never edited anything. It was all real.

"Post it." He says. "I don't want to deal with this shit anymore." He sighs. "I'm sorry I dragged you into this."

Gonzalo nods, giving him an understanding smile. "Don't worry, Ky."

Gonzalo tells him that the social media team posted the statement and that he didn't have to worry, he won't get any interviews, and that he needs to stick to the AI story.

"Can you please try again?" He asks to his assistant. "I know she doesn't live there anymore, but just offer the landlord anything in exchange of some information."

She nods, tired of the situation but obeying her boss. "I'll try." She says.

He's tried of contacting you, he tried to call your phone, he's blocked.

He tried going to your house, you moved.

He tried sending something to your workplace. You were on vacation.

He tried.

But he can't find you. He feels like he needs you to allow him to be able to feel something for him to actually feel some sort of joy, some anger, something.

He's not doing well in football. Everybody knows.

His family forced an explanation out of him. Safe to say that his mother reaction was the calmest of them all.

He not only told them about the Silvia leaked situation, he told them about you.

Fayza was mad. She didn't raise a cheater and low mannered man for him to think that it was okay to do what he did.

He tried to explain that it was all because him and Silvia were a no label thing, and he thought it was a good idea to do it, but his mother just asked him to save it.

You can't even begin to explain how much of a roller-coaster it was your life. You wanted to dissappear from he world.

You can't even justify your sadness to your friends and co-workers, mostly because only one person knew about you two.

> it's like being a ghost <

You were a ghost in his life. You were just the side pick-up girl for when his actual girlfriend was busy.

> she knows his family, you know what the hotel rooms in Madrid look like <

You took a week off of work. Lying that you needed to deal with some family member funeral.

Your boss was naive, he said yes without asking for any documentation. That and the fact that he was put with his own side piece.

"Have you been stressed lately?" The doctor asks you.

You nod, cleaning the gel from your skin. "Stress is my middle name." You joke with her.

She laughs at your joke, "Then that's your answer." She smiles. "The pharmacy test was defective. Let's trust the blood test and the ultrasound."

You nod, feeling like your life gained a little bit of composure. Finally something negative that was good.

"Will do." You smile. "Thank you." You say to her. Letting her explain again the caring you need to do.

"See you in a few months for your routine tests."

You wave goodbye at her. Walking outside of the office. You feel happy that you didn't have ti worry about that problem anymore.

But even if you feel relief, a part of you was sad.

> "Do you like the name Pipper?" He asks, smiling at you.

"Pipper" you repeat, thinking about the name. "It's beautiful." You say, kissing his lips.

"If it's a girl I think Pipper would be good." He says, daydreaming about you. "Maybe Carter, that's very strong."

"I like your name, but I wouldn't name my kid Jr." You laugh, making him laugh. "No Kylian Jr here."

He then gets close to you, kissing your lips. You smile into the kiss, loving the warmth feeling that only he can make you feel.

Your smile grows wider when he then moves his lips to your belly. He hugs your waist and lays his head there.

"So, Pipper?" He asks again, making you chuckle happy. <

You feel empty.

"I'm not sure if it's her actual address but I think it is."

He raises an eyebrow. "I'll have to trust it." He sighs. "Whatever you do, don't tell my mother or anybody of this."

"My lips are sealed." She says, sending him the information before hanging up the call.

He asks his driver to take him to the address. He's anxious, what if you choose to slam the door on his face?

Well, he can't really fight the idea, he deserves that, but what if he finds our that you moved on?

He can't even fully think about it.

Be can't bare the idea of you with another person.

But you didn't also thought that would be possible and it was.

He places the hoodie and glasses as a mechanism of cover up. He doesn't want to create new news.

The building was an open door access, the elevators weren't, you needed a pass or to ring the doorbell to be let inside.

He was about to press the doorbell of a apartment when a delivery guy was about to exit the elevator area. Hands full to the point he was struggling to keep the door open.

"Here, let me help you." Kylian smiles.

"Merci, sir." The guy smiles. "Have a nice day." He says.

Kylian entered the elevator, fingers pressing the button of your floor. He can feel the sweat on his hands.

He walks slowly to your door, feeling scared of even thinking about knocking on the door. He wants to gain composure first.

He then knocks on the door. Three dry knocks. His knuckles are burning at the sensation. Not because he knocked hard, but because of the weight of the action.

He hears you saying "I'm coming." In that sweet voice of you. His heart starts beating like it used to, before you leave.

Before he made you leave.

You open the door with a smile. Smile that fades after realizing who was on the other side of the door.

"I'll I ask is for you to hear me out." He says. "Just let me explain myself."

You don't want to, but you have to. This was the last step you would take. You nod, opening the door and stepping aside for him to be able to walk inside.

He does, entering your house. It was way different from your last place. He can sense the vibe of growth.

Your taste changed, you don't have those crazy decorations or those funny little looking plants. He stands up there, looking at everything.

"You changed your vibe." He says, trying to make conversation.

"Can you stop with the mannerisms?" You ask him, tired. "Just talk, please."

He feels a shiver down his spine. You were so serious, so harsh. Never have you ever before. Not with him.

"I-" He tries. Way too nervous to even formulate a sentence. He can tell you changed but he can't even began apologize. "I'm sorry."

You lift an eyebrow, was that all?

"I'm sorry I hurt you with everything that happened." He tries again. "This girl and I, we were in a no label kind of thing. She wasn't my girlfriend, and I was leaving her when I met you."

He pauses, trying to get the time-line in order for him to explain it to you.

"You really change my life, for the better." He shows a little smile. "I never felt the way I did with anybody, you were the only one who I was telling I love you to. You were the one who I was worried about, and I know sounds like-"

"Like bullshit." You say, rolling your eyes.

"Okay, like bullshit." He clears his throat. "I didn't introduced her to my parents, she showed up one day at my house and I couldn't do anything. The family trip, she find out about the information because she went through my stuffs." He explains.

He was mad this kinda looked like he was then one who did all of that for her. No, she was the one appearing at the places.

"And I couldn't really get her to stay away." He sighs. "I wanted it to be you, I was just to much of a pussy to ever confronted her and tell everyone the truth. And in my mind, it was so smart to keep you both. I love you, I don't love her, she was just someone I couldn't get rid off."

"You?" You ask, laughing a little. "The Kylian Mbappé." You put emphasis on his name. "You couldn't get this girl to stop coming to your private property? Appearing to your private villas or exclusive hotels? You couldn't stop her from going to your house? You couldn't be honest with me when I asked you if you had a girlfriend or someone in your life? That was the night we met. You've been lying to me since then."

"I didn't have her." He defends himself. "She was just a hit and run."

"No, she wasn't." You argue back. "She was someone who you let into your private life, who you let keep coming. You let your parents think she was your girlfriend, you let your brother call her sister in law, you let your friend meet her." You point at every single one that she met. "You took her to your house." You say, eyes shinning from sadness. "I was in a hotel room. Thinking that maybe I wasn't good enough to meet your family and friends. Maybe it was my job, maybe it was my style, maybe it was me."

His stomach turns, he never wanted you to feel that way. But it was his own fault.

"I thought that maybe you just wanted to test what our relationship was about." You say. "You talked to me about having kids, you told me that you wanted our wedding to be in Monaco." You bitterly laugh. "I was dumb enough to believed that you love me."

"No." He says, the stern tone was harsh. "I do, I love you."

"This isn't love, Kylian." You say with a serious expression. "You can try and manipulate all these ideas of you being the victim." You say, catching onto his manipulation. "You can try and say > oh but she was the one who showed up < but that doesn't changed the fact that you let her stayed, you let your family and your friends believe that she was your partner. You let her showed up at family events. Do you even see the common denominator? It's you."

"I'm sorry." He says, head hanging low.

You wait a few seconds, you wanted to gave him the first word in case he wanted to keep explaining the whole situation to you.

"I need to apologize too." You say, trying to not sound so harsh as before.

"You do?" He asks, hoping that maybe this would be his chance.

"Yes." You smile. "I'm sorry I was so naive to think that you were ever going to take me seriously." You began.

He was about to interrupt, but you won't allow it.

"I'm sorry I was the one who allowed you to treat me like a booty call. Like one of your one night stands for so long." You have this cynical smile. "I'm sorry I ever trusted you with blind eyes. That I let you believe your gifts, your expensive shit were a replacenent of your time and caring."

"Y/n, amou-"

"I'm done, Kylian." You say. "I would never trust you again. No matter how much you try, how much you wish things were differently, they aren't. And I can admit my mistakes, Kylian."

"Y/n-"

"But I guess that's the fucking difference between you and me."

"We can make it work, I-" He begs, but you interrupted again.

"I can't believe I actually loved you."

🏷:

@kyksmbappeeee @colombiangirlinworld @nieporozumieniee @lottins-only @gadriezmannsgirl @edgyficuselastica @lucysantos6-blog @tohmyris

[sunny44]

All these years (Part 9)

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Ex girlfriend Reader

Warnings: none

Summary: Separated by a disagreement, Charles and Y/n meet again after years apart and all the feelings they had repressed come flooding back.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Ten months after the last chapter

This was the first night I managed to sleep properly.

Today, our baby turns 1 month old.

Matilda Leclerc was as smiley as Charles, and the dimples were identical.

I carried her for 9 months, felt every pain for her to be born, just like him.

And speaking of Charles, I could hear his baby voice speaking softly to her as I lay in bed with my eyes closed.

"Do you know you're daddy's love? And that I'll take care of you forever?" she made some noises with her mouth. "Your mom is jealous that you look like me, but I honestly love that. I love you, you know, love your little eyes, chubby feet, and your baby smell. I love you even when you're all messy."

"Good to know." I say, looking at him. "You'll be in charge of the messy diapers now."

"I can do that." we hear a little fart, and he laughs.

"I think you'll have to start now."

"Well then." he gets up and leaves the room, and I brush my teeth and decide to go to her room. "Babe, come here."

"Problems?"

"I don't know if I'm doing it right." I see that the diaper is all crooked, making me laugh. "Don't laugh at me."

"Sorry, love. But you're doing a great job. Don't worry."

"Guide me."

"Okay, she's already clean, and the diaper is already positioned on her bum, so now you grab the front flap and pull it up." he does. "Now, open the tabs and fasten them in the front."

He does it slowly and fastens the last tab, then strokes her little tummy, and she giggles, making Charles's eyes fill with tears.

"Did you see that she laughed at me?"

"I saw, love." I hugged him from the side.

He finished putting on the onesie that said "I'm daddy's baby," which Charles had bought the day after we found out I was pregnant.

"Okay, I'll finish packing their bags so we can go to Arthur's."

Arthur and Megan are living in Milan for a few months to help us with the baby and we were going to visit them. It would be the first time everyone would meet her. Our parents followed the pregnancy, but during the delivery, there was a snowstorm here, so they couldn't catch the flights to come. And since today is her first month, we're all going to meet to celebrate.

In the first month, we didn't go out much with her. I think the fear that something might happen was greater, and I think all first-time parents have that fear.

"I'll take a shower, and then we can go."

I took a shower, did a quick makeup, and put on warm clothes since it was winter in Monaco.

"Look at this." he appears excited with Matilda dressed in a mini Ferrari uniform. "Look at how my baby is."

"She looks just like you on race weekends." he laughs. "Can we go?"

"We can." he hands her to me and takes the bags.

I locked the apartment door, and we went to the car, and obviously, Charles went straight to the Ferrari, a track that I started to hate since we had it.

"Let's not go in this death machine." he looks at me offended.

"My baby is not a death machine."

"Your baby is here on my lap, and I'm not going to put her in that car, which besides not having a back seat, is not safe."

"Okay." he gives up, and we go to my Range Rover."

My car and his two cars have a car seat for her since it was good for emergencies, and in fact, I haven't bought any since my parents, his parents, and Arthur and Carla gave them.

Matilda was the most spoiled child in the world, I think.

"Well strapped." he kisses her forehead and sits in the driver's seat. "Let's go."

The journey was composed of Matilda's cries and children's songs on the playlist that Charles had made for her on his Spotify account.

We arrived at Arthur's apartment and took all the luggage and went to the door. Charles had put her securely in the baby carrier on his chest so we could carry everything. She had fallen asleep and was covered with a blanket, her little face leaning against his chest.

When I tried to put her to sleep, it only worked when Charles wasn't home, but when he was, she only slept in his arms.

"We're here, family." he says somewhat loudly, and everyone comes running. "We know this rush is not for us."

"Yeah." I laughed, and we greeted everyone who went straight to Charles and Matilda.

"She's so beautiful." says stroking her thin hair. "She looks just like Charles."

"Don't say that near Y/n, or she'll ask for a divorce." I rolled my eyes, and they laughed.

Speaking of which, we got married. A few months after I found out I was pregnant.

We decided we didn't want a very big party, so we got married at the courthouse and had a little party for the family later, where we announced that we would be parents.

"She's a copy of Charles, literally." they look at me. "From the noises when they're sleeping to the stubbornness."

"I'm not stubborn, you liar."

"Yes, you are."

Soon, she started crying, and Charles took her out of the carrier and handed her to me. She hadn't breastfed before leaving home, so she woke up because of that.

"Someone is hungry." my mom says, and I sat on the couch.

The boys went to the kitchen to get something to drink, and I started breastfeeding Matilda while the girls sat around.

"How's it been? I mean, being a mother."

"It's great, to be honest. It's tiring at first, especially since none of us had experience with this, but we're doing well. She's very calm."

"That's great. Charles was the calmest of the three."

"Y/n was calm too and hardly caused any trouble."

"The only trouble she gives is when it's time to sleep. When Charles is away, she even sleeps with me, but as soon as she senses when he gets home, she wakes up. And when we're together, she only sleeps in his arms." they look, dying of love. "She'll finish here, and even though she's sleepy, Charles will have to take her."

"She's very attached to him, apparently."

"Yes, a clingy one." Matilda finishes, and I hand her over to Pescale, who said she wanted to fix her.

This was another funny topic. She always vomited on Charles, who surprisingly started laughing, and Matilda giggled along with him.

"Is she done already?"

"She's with your mom." I point, and Charles goes to his mom and takes her.

"Charles." she scolds him when he takes her.

"She's my baby, not yours." he says and leaves, making me laugh.

"Is he always like this?"

"Yes, even with me, but then I say that I carried and gave birth, and then he pouts and hands her over to me." they laugh. "He's very attached to her and doesn't leave her side. She grumbles to cry, and he runs to wherever she is."

"He's adorable."

We talked a little more, and I decided to go to the guest room, where I saw Charles passing with her a few minutes ago. I stopped at the door and watched them.

Charles swayed her slowly and murmured something. I approached him, and he smiled, then gently put her in the middle of several pillows, gave her a little kiss on the head, and hugged me from behind as we watched her sleep.

"I love you. And thank you for giving me her." he whispers in my ear, and I smile, snuggling more into his embrace.

"And thank you for not giving up on me."

He kissed my forehead, and we stayed there, watching our baby sleep.

Bonus scene!

Yourusername Instagram post

Liked by @charlesleclerc, @leclercpescale, @scuderiaferrari and others 84479

@yourusername this past year has been the best of my life.

I’ve married the love of my life, gave birth to our beautiful baby girl and I feel like I’ve never been happier.

Thank you @carlesleclerc for being the best hubby for me and the best daddy for our daughter.

@charlesleclerc I’m the lucky one to have you in my life and thank you for giving me our baby girl

@yourusername we love you 😘

@lorenzotl baby M is so cute

@fan753 her names starts with an M guys 🥲

@yourusername we love you uncle L

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Note: thank you guys so much for liking this story and also a big thank you to all the 1.004 followers ❤️

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[urgonnaneedabiggership]

Perfume Regret

ExBoyfriend!Miguel O'Hara x FemReader

Summary: A fic inspired by Attention by Charlie Puth. Your ex-boyfriend Miguel O'Hara left you heartbroken and no matter how intense the effect he has on you still is, you're determined to use this party to get even.

Warnings: +18 meaning SMUT AND LANGUAGE MINORS DNI OR SO HELP ME GOD. Also there's angst and good old anger-fueled sex. The ending isn't heartbreaking don't worry.

Word count: 4K

I know that dress is karma 

Perfume regret 

Got me thinking 'bout when you were mine 

Nightclubs had never been your scene. 

While you weren't strictly averse to them, you didn't thrive in that element as much as some of your friends did. Yet, whenever you decided to make an appearance, it wasn't the stroboscopic lights, the promise of a few drinks with friends, or the energizing music that made the night worth it. 

It was the hunt. 

And the preparations began long before you even set foot out of your apartment, from the moment you stood in front of the mirror wearing nothing but a fluffy bathrobe, your face a blank canvas. Getting ready with your favorite, emboldening playlist was usually a luxury but not tonight. Judging by the way you struggled to apply eyeliner over your lids with such shaky hands, tonight, you were in dire need of a crushing amount of confidence. 

So much so that a glass with one remaining sip of red wine stood next to your makeup bag, waiting for you to take that last bit of liquid courage. 

Yes, the mere thought of the chase always made your chest swell with excitement. The stolen glances from across the dancefloor until someone gave in and tried to make contact. Loud music left people no choice but to hold conversations in loud whispers that tickled your ear. The desperate attempts to make themselves worthy of your time and the small concessions you made to make them feel like the most special person in that tiny, packed, overpriced club. Flirting was a tango meant for two, and not knowing what kind of partner you'd be dancing with was exhilarating. 

Not this time, however, you thought as you picked up the glass and poured the remaining wine down your throat. Tonight you were after a much too familiar prey that you'd once been dumb enough to let get away. 

As soon as you got the digital invitation to the Alchemax Innovation Department New Year's Eve party, you knew it was time to settle the score. 

A short buzz coming from your phone interrupted your train of thought as the screen lit up with a text from whom you considered to be your work best friend, Liz. 

Heyy :) u coming? 

Yep. Be there in 20, is everybody there already?

O'Hara is missing. Idk if he's coming, though. 

Oh. 

You felt your stomach drop at the thought of all of this being for nothing. Whatever,. Who cared? You weren't doing this for him. You were doing it for yourself because you wanted to go out and have fun. 

A weak smile tugged at your lips when you couldn't even convince yourself with that blatant lie. God, you felt like a terrible feminist at the moment. Screw you, Miguel O'Hara. 

Those had been the last words you said to him before marching out of his apartment and slamming the door after you. Ever since that week during which he’d vanished from work with no explanation, your boyfriend had started to cancel your dates at the last minute or still be out at odd hours, and when he started to simply disappear and not answer your calls or texts several times throughout the day you began to worry.

When he asked if you could talk about something important, you figured you'd be getting an explanation, not dumped. 

The reason, according to him? He was dealing with some personal issues that he could not tell you about, but he'd single-handedly decided it was in your best interest to just move on with your life, so he'd decided to break things off. His face when he said all of that remained engraved in your brain since that day. Cold. Logical. As devoid of any visceral emotion as a doctor would be when recommending you to give up carbs or red meat. 

Two years of your life you'd given to him. You were planning to move in together. You were happy. For what felt like the very first time in your life, you were in love. 

You took a deep breath to keep tears from running down your cheeks and ruining your mascara. 

Even almost six months later, your heart painfully fluttered at the mention of his name.

Carefully, you dried your eyes with a piece of paper and took another deep, slow breath. Your eyes, beautifully framed by a smoky eyeshadow, slowly traced the reflection of your body in the mirror. A sleek, simple dress with a small slit on the side hugged your figure. You loved the color: a nearly black navy blue that matched your chosen makeup palette. 

At the sound of your phone, your eyes drifted down to the lit-up screen. 

Oh, nvm, he just got here. 

The game was afoot. 

As much as it hurt your pride to admit it, you were decidedly nervous as you made your way into the dimly lit nightclub, your eyes discreetly scanning the crowd in search of a particular set of brown eyes. 

Suddenly, a voice made your face in the opposite direction. 

"(Y/N)! Over here!" Liz called from the bar, waving at you with a huge smile that you returned as you walked towards her after wistfully looking at the busy crowd one last time. It wasn't until you reached the bar that you noticed she was sitting next to a man you didn't recognize. 

"So, this is she," she nearly yelled right next to the man's ear when you got close enough to be heard above the deafening electronic beats. 

"Hi, (Y/N), right?" He said, reaching out one hand, "I'm David. Liz has told me a lot about you," 

"Dave here just joined the team," Liz explained, giving his arm a gentle squeeze, "I thought it would be nice to make him feel welcomed. I'll leave you to it. I have to go say hi to a few people," She continued as she left the bar, not before giving you a certain look that made you realize you'd walked straight into a trap. While David was decidedly handsome, and you could've considered him to be your type under different circumstances, right then, your mind was somewhere else. 

"Sure," You replied distractedly, "So why did you choose to work here?" 

That should be enough to keep him talking for a while about his college education and how all he'd ever wanted to do was work for this company and so on while you focused on the matter at hand. 

Where the hell was he? 

Could it be that he'd just popped in to greet a few people and had left before you arrived? Before the countdown? 

Maybe he was celebrating New Year's with somebody else? 

"Sorry, one shot of tequila, please," You loudly called as the bartender walked past you. 

"Make that two, thanks man," David added with a flirtatious smile that you returned out of politeness, mentally praying for Liz to come back soon, knowing damn well that if she'd done this on purpose, there'd be no way out of this conversation. 

You downed the shot as soon as it was placed in front of you. 

David asked you something, but his voice reached your ears as if he was underwater. For a minute, you wondered if such a small amount of alcohol could make you feel so dizzy until you realized it was something else. Your eyes had landed on the back of a familiar head. Brown, scruffy hair and a hearty laugh that had your hands shaking again as you placed the glass back on the wooden bar. 

"God, I'm so sorry. My head's all over the place right now. You were saying?" You said, leaning closer to David. 

"I asked if Alchemax tends to go easy on the new guys or kick them to the curb at the first mistake." 

You laughed as if he'd just told an amazing joke, your eyes covertly going from his face to your target right behind him. At the sound of your laugh, his back stiffened, and you could see he was about to turn around. Right before he did, you quickly tore your eyes off him and glued them to David's face. 

"Oh, don't worry, you'll be just fine. I'll tell you what, I'll look out for you. How's that sound?” You replied, a more relaxed smile plastered on your face. David's eyes lit up. Poor guy. He probably thought that out of nowhere, his luck had shifted. 

Slowly and without losing the amused grin, you peeked over David's shoulder and found Miguel O'Hara's searing eyes staring right into yours. Unlike you, he wasn't smiling. Instead, he let those same calculating eyes unashamedly scrutinize every inch of your body that your gorgeous dress didn't cover and secretly fantasize about what it did. 

Another loud laughter leaving your lips made him snap out of a trance-like state and look into your eyes. Hunting on grounds you were no stranger to had its advantages, such as knowing what to do and when. And so you didn't look away. You held his gaze, undaunted, as you took David's unfinished tequila and brought it up to your lips to take a sip, barely sticking out your tongue to slowly lick the last droplets off your lower lip. You mouthed an apology to the man before you as you walked away from the bar, both for the stolen tequila and for what was about to happen. 

Trying your hardest not to smile or look at him, you made your way through the crowd straight toward Miguel, whose eyes you knew had remained with you since that intense visual exchange back at the bar. You felt them so intensely that you wondered if he could make you burst out in flames just by looking at you. You clenched your jaw as you got close enough for the scent of his enticing cedarwood cologne to fill your nostrils and travel all the way down to your chest, where your heart beat so strongly that it physically hurted. 

You only had one shot. This was it. 

It wasn't until you walked right past him that you finally acknowledged him, gifting him a faint smile as you stepped around him and walked toward the restrooms. 

As soon as the door closed after you, you found the two stalls were empty. After confirming you were alone, a nervous grin took over your features. Biting your lip, you approached the mirror and distractedly began to comb your hair back in place and even retouched your nude lipstick, your eyes set on the reflection of the bathroom door. 

Almost as if you'd timed it, the second you finished applying your makeup and threw it back into your purse, Miguel stealthily slid inside and shut the door after him. 

A minute that felt like an eternity to him transcurred while you kept patiently tucking strands of hair behind your ears, concealing a smug grin. Something had to give. More often, sooner than later. 

"Mind telling me what the fuck was that?" 

His voice bounced off the walls and reached your ears like a once-favorite song you hadn't heard in months. 

"What do you mean?" You calmly asked, never interrupting your task. 

"(Y/N), stop that and look at me." He commanded, his patience wearing thinner by the second. 

"I am looking at you," You nonchalantly replied, your eyes transfixed on his tense shape in the corner of the mirror as you slowly wiped some smudged lipstick off the edge of your bottom lip. 

Outside, the one-minute countdown began. Neither of you could care less. Inside that dimly lit, empty nightclub bathroom, time was irrelevant. 

In less than five steps, Miguel reached your side and, placing his hands on your shoulders, firmly spun you around to face him. 

"Carajo, ¿Tú no entiendes, verdad?" He hissed, his next leaving his mouth after an ominous pause, "Now look at me."

Not happy with the way you were being handled, you shoved him away and shot him a glare with your arms folded before you. 

"There, I'm looking. What do you want?" 

"I want you to tell me who's that asshole and why you seem to think he's so damn funny," 

"I'm sorry, O'Hara, that's none of your business anymore, is it?" You spat out.

"It was none of my business,' He agreed, wincing at the dry use of his last name, "Until you showed up in here looking like that, laughing like a dumb teen at some guy's dumb jokes, making sure I'm watching after you did some pretty extensive research to make sure I was coming."

Wanting to rebuke that argument, you immediately opened your mouth just for him to interrupt you. 

"What? You thought I wouldn't find out, bonita?" 

Miguel started to move towards you without giving you a chance to explain yourself. Still, you weren't sure of what you would've said had you been given the time. Three seconds later, he was standing right before you, trapping you against the cold stone of the sinks.

"Why are you doing this?" He absentmindedly asked, as if he was actually questioning himself or already knew the answer. Before you could react, he suddenly leaned in, burying his face in your neck and taking a deep breath, taking in the scent of your perfume along with something else that you couldn’t perceive but seemed to pull him forward so violently that he had to use both his strong arms on either side of you to hold himself back. Still, he kept babbling against the soft skin of your neck, “I didn’t want to do it…I didn’t…I shouldn’t have…mi amor, I just wanted to protect you,” 

“Protect me from what?” You asked in a breathy whisper, your self-control flaking when you felt him move even closer until your backside was pressed against the sink and your front...

You pressed your lips together to keep a noise that would be much too revealing from leaving your lips. 

Still, you realized your trials and tribulations weren’t over when his hands slowly moved closer to your thighs until his thumbs were tracing faint circles on them. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asked in a hoarse voice before burying his nose behind your ear once more. You had to want him to stop. Before you could gather up the courage to tell him off as you should, you leaned forward and feverishly pressed your lips against his in a kiss that was all but sweet. Without breaking the kiss, in a display of both strength and coordination that was new to you, Miguel slid his hands under your thighs and lifted you effortlessly, placing you on top of the sink with a gentleness that contrasted sharply with the way he nudged your legs out of the way so he could grind his lower half into yours. This time there was no way in hell you could contain your moans. 

Pleased with the beautiful sounds he was eliciting from you, Miguel’s hands found their way back up to the thin straps of your dress, which he gently slid off from your shoulders before gripping your chin in his hand and tilting your head to the side so he could devour every inch of skin available, occasionally trapping it between his teeth to make sure it’d leave a mark. Even in your haze, you could notice there was something new to the way he was ravishing you. It was as if he was desperately trying to be gentle, to take things slow, just for something primal to take over and coerce him into taking you for himself. 

Once again, you stopped thinking when he pressed the hard bulge in his pants against you, the friction over your barely clothed clit throwing all logical thoughts out the window. 

“We don’t have much time,” You urged him, not even sure if he’d locked the door after himself. However, deep inside, you knew your motives had less to do with the little privacy and more with the way he unhurriedly worshipped your body and peppered kisses all over it, how his hands gently roamed it as if he was trying to commit every detail to memory. It reminded you of what you two had in a way that was still too painful to remember. You wouldn’t lose yourself to the memories of your past and miss out on how good he was making you feel right now. Tonight you weren’t two people deeply in love with one another trying to fight back the regrets of letting go of what was most precious to you, but two strangers about to fuck in the bathroom of a nightclub. 

As if to reinforce that thought, he swiftly pushed you further back onto the sink and pushed your legs apart even more, your dress ridding up almost all the way to your waist. You shivered as new skin was exposed to both the cold beneath you and the heat from Miguel’s skin as he fumbled with the fly of his pants. Meanwhile, you kept yourself busy trying to unbutton his shirt with shaky hands and silently thanked he wasn’t wearing a jacket in the first place. You needed to get him out of as many clothes as possible in the little time you had, needing to feel more of his skin against yours. 

Your desire wasn’t fulfilled until the shirt slid off his tan, broad shoulders, and you were pressed against his bare chest, his hands resting at the curve of your lower back as his head barely slid over your soaked slit, prying a raspy moan out of his throat that sounds almost painful. Still, even when you slid your hands around his shoulders and intertwined your fingers behind the nape of his head, he didn’t move further. 

“What are you waiting for?” You breathlessly asked, arching your back towards him with a huff just for him to move his hips away, escaping your touch, trying to regain some control over himself. 

“I didn’t want to hurt you,” He muttered. Shit. Not right now. Out of the whole night, he had to choose this precise moment? No. He hurt you. He owed you. And now it was his turn to shut up and take it. 

Taking advantage of his low guard, you hooked your feet behind his back and roughly pulled him towards you, another needy moan escaping your lips as you felt him right at your entrance, whatever remaining reluctance keeping him from sinking into you. It took every ounce of willpower to keep yourself from begging. 

“Alright,” He finally says, his hands sliding under your thighs to hold you firmly in place, “If this is what it takes for you to listen to me, bonita, así le vamos a hacer entonces.” 

He accentuated his words by slamming into you and immediately picking up a maddeningly fast pace, the loud music outside hopefully drowning out your endless string of broken moans. 

“I just…wanted you to be happy,” He spoke in a strained voice in between thrusts. 

“Shut up,” You snapped at him. You were happy. And it did nothing but further enrage you to see he was unaware of how miserable you were now without him. Or maybe he was aware because he reached that spot that always made your legs uncontrollably quiver and focused all his energy on it as if he was trying to make up for everything. 

“I love you,” He blurted out as he felt you clenching around his length, his hips stuttering for a second before the sigh that left your lips made him lift your leg further up his torso and slam into you with renewed fire, “God, (Y/N) I love you so much, I can’t do this anymore,” 

“Shut up,” You sobbed, this time as a plead and not an order. Your heart fluttered as you heard the words you’d waited months to hear, and feeling him roughly stroke your walls at this new angle became too much for you to bear. A string of ‘shut ups’ and sounds that resembled his name left your lips as your hands fell to his stomach, trying to push him away while paradoxically needing him to be closer, needing to feel more of him just in case this was the last time you felt him stretch you out in a way you were hauntingly certain nobody else would ever come close to. 

And he wasn’t doing any better. He wanted to pull your head against his chest and wrap his arms around you. He wanted to get on his knees and spend the rest of the night apologizing using his words or his tongue, whatever you wanted as long as you went home with him that night. He wanted you to live a happy, normal life. He couldn’t give you that anymore. Not after that night. Not after the accident. 

But those bad thoughts melted away in his brain when he saw your eyes pressed shut, your beautiful, furrowed eyebrows arching over them perfectly as you chased that high that Miguel knew only he could give you. Something that sounded like an actual sentence left your lips so quietly that he had to lean closer to get it. 

“What was that, bonita?” 

You pressed your lips together, unwilling to repeat yourself until another perfectly calculated thrust pried the half-coherent words out of your mouth. 

“Need you…inside. Please, Miguel, please,”  

Hearing his name being called out like that for the first time in months was all he needed to come undone, his pace faltering as he pressed himself against you, strong arms gripping your waist as he spilled his load inside you with one last labored moan. 

Nothing but extenuated pants could be heard inside the bathroom for a whole, tense minute before you finally moved, taking a few sheets of paper from the dispenser next to the sinks to clean yourself up. 

“What are you doing?” He asked as you straightened your dress and tried to somehow fix your disheveled hair. 

“You wanted to apologize, you did, and I forgive you,” You categorically answered, “But don’t expect me to come running back into your arms as if what you did was nothing,” 

Still, you needed him to know there was hope left for the both of you. So you pressed a chaste kiss to his lips and then his cheek, granting yourself one moment of vulnerability as you looked into his eyes with a gentle smile. 

“I love you too,” You whispered, giving in to the urge to kiss him again. You basked in his shocked look before turning your back to him and going back to the party, where you bumped into Liz less than five minutes later. 

“There you are! Where the hell were you? You missed the countdown!” 

It wasn’t until you looked around at the confetti-filled floor and the large numbers on a screen that you remembered. 

“I went to the bathroom,” You replied, tucking a strand of hair behind your ear and reaching out to take a glass of champagne from one of the several trays atop the tables, “Where did your friend run off to?” 

“David?” Liz asked, a deep red blush spreading over her cheeks, “He had to go home. I hope you don’t mind, but we’re getting dinner next Friday,” 

“Don’t mind at all,” You replied with a bright smile, eyes already scanning the half-empty club, once again looking for that same face. The one you knew you’d always look for in a crowd for the rest of your life. This time, thanks to the small number of people left, it wasn’t hard to come across his eyes. Amused, you raised your glass at him with a soft, genuine laugh. He did his best to look annoyed, but the minute you tilted your head and gave him your best apologetic look, Miguel rolled his eyes and shook his head with a reluctant smile that made you laugh again before taking a sip of that cheap champagne. 

This was going to be a great year.

[m00nh1gh]

LOVE TALK

Bang Chan x French!reader x Felix

You've seen them performing on the street in Hongdae and then you met them at a club during the same night. They also noticed you.

Filming, facial, hair pulling, protected sex, choking, Felix is lowkey scary with the stranger talk...

Word count: 4k.

Your friend had decided it would be a good idea to bring you with her to Korea to celebrate Christmas with her and her family. You told her it was alright, that you were used to being alone during Christmas time or any holiday, but she kept insisting and the next thing you knew was that she had brought your plane ticket.

So there you were, dressed in your newest winter outfit, walking in one of Seoul's busiest regions for shopping and trying Korean food. Hyejin had been smiling the whole time and she never let go of your arm, dragging you to different stores to walk out with a new bag each time.

“Y/n, look!” She shook you excitedly and pointed to a crowd in the middle of the street. You looked at her in confusion and she started walking towards the group of people. “Dancers!”

“Oh,” you nodded and followed her. You both walked through the people to stand at the front. You felt bad for them since they were there before you, but Hyejin didn't care about that stuff.

There were eight dancers, all boys. You didn't recognize the song, but your friend seemed to know it since she was singing and copying the dancers’ moves but in a more subtle way.

The performance was fun to watch; their chemistry while dancing was insane and they also interacted with the crowd, just like artists would do at their concerts. And of course, they were all good-looking, especially two blonde boys that happened to make eye contact with you for a few seconds. One had curly hair and he winked at you, the other one whose hair was a little longer had tried to hide a smirk but you saw it before it disappeared.

Maybe it was because of the song choice, or it was just natural for them, but the sex appeal was strong. Hyejin and you both watched until the very end of their performance, cheering them on the whole time and exchanging glances with them all.

You noticed one of the two blondes trying to walk up to you before being dragged away by one of his friends and he gave you one last smile before grabbing his water bottle and leaving with the group. You were still staring at the two blondes before Hyejin shook your thoughts away with a playful smirk on her face. You rolled your eyes and you also left, judging it could be time to take a break from shopping.

“They were into you.

- Oh, shut up,” you placed your bags on the floor to take your coat and scarf off. You kicked your shoes off next to your particularly excited friend's before grabbing your bags again and walking to the guest room that you'd occupy for the next two weeks.

“You're lucky you know,” she came into the bedroom after you and jumped on the bed. “I don't draw that much attention on my second day here,” she emptied your shopping bags to sort your stuff out, but also to check it out.

“I don't even speak Korean, so I can't even say a word to any guy here.

- What makes you think that?” She held a sparkly, dark purple dress that you bought earlier and she nodded to herself. She laid it next to the pile of clothes she had made just before. “My family's Korean and we all speak English. Et je parle français pour toi,” Hyejin stood up and placed a hand on your shoulder. “We're going clubbing tonight. Find yourself a man that speaks your language. Your body can talk too, by the way,” and just like that, she walked out of the bedroom.

You scoffed as she closed the door behind herself and you looked at the short dress she had neatly placed on the bed. It was nearing six in the evening and you knew you were both going to take a long time to dress up and do your makeup, so you immediately played your favorite playlist and started building an outfit to go out.

“Y/n!” She came back in, now wearing a low-rise mini skirt and a tight black tank top under a leather jacket. She was holding two pairs of earrings and she showed them to you. One pair was silver stars and the other was silver hoops. “Which ones?”

“The hoops,” you answered, gesturing for her to come in and she took it as a hint to sit at the small makeup desk. You stood behind her and grabbed a hairbrush and a hair clip to put her hair in a messy ponytail that would look good with her outfit. She thanked you and urged you to sit down now so she could do your makeup.

It was definitely a dark makeup. She used some purple, a lot of glitter and black for the eyes, put false lashes on you and to finish the look, she put a rosy lip tint on your lips. You'd always praised her for her talent in makeup and tonight wasn't an exception. Your confidence skyrocketed and she left you to finish dressing up. You only had accessories to put on now and your hair to do. It was now 7:10pm and your heart skipped a beat for some reason. Maybe you were really looking forward to finding someone to have a little fun with tonight.

Your jewelry was golden for tonight in contrast to all the cold colors you were wearing, but it looked good. You curled your hair and let it down. Then, finally, you grabbed your long black coat and your purse before walking out of your room and joining Hyejin at the front door, mindlessly scrolling through her cellphone.

“Ready?

- Yeah,” you put your heels on and she let you get out before her.

Hongdae was flooded with people. You had to hold Hyejin's hand not to lose her and she was leading the way to the club she had wanted to visit. She told you it was one of the best out there and that she had visited it a few times in the last two years. Apparently, all the hot guys hung out there and you both knew why you wanted to go clubbing anyway, so you happily followed her to the club.

You could hear music blasting from outside the building and some people were waiting in line to enter. You looked at her with uncertainty and she rubbed your shoulder soothingly.

“It's always like this, but waiting's definitely worth it. Come on,” she pulled you with her in the line and surprisingly, it took less than ten minutes to enter. There, the music was so loud that it went straight to your heart and the colorful lights blinded you at first before being redirected somewhere else. You both went straight to the bar after having left your belongings at the coat check because you had to get some alcohol in your system before going on the dance floor.

One shot of vodka was good enough for now and when you turned to look at the numerous people in the room, you spotted almost immediately the two blondes from before whispering at each other and looking at you. Your cheeks burned and you turned back to Hyejin.

“The dancers from earlier are here.

- What? No way!” She squealed and shook your shoulder. “You should totally fuck them!

- Two at the same time?” Your eyes widened.

“Yeah, that could be fun. Besides, they look very close so they'd probably like to share you.

- They probably don't even speak English,” you pouted and played with the glass you'd emptied.

“Never hurts to give it a try,” she grabbed your arm to pull you up and you walked to the dance floor. She took both of your hands in hers to make you more comfortable and soon you were mirroring her movements, dancing to the songs that were playing but still not doing too much.

You looked at her confusingly when she looked behind you and smiled, but then she let go of you and walked away. It's only when you turned around to see what she was looking at and ended up face to face with the curly haired man that you realized what was happening.

You were going to apologize for almost bumping into him, but he placed his hands on your hips and smiled at you. You blushed again, but then you realized this might be your chance and you took it willingly.

“Do you speak English, pretty girl?” His accent was definitely one from Australia, you noticed, and your eyes lit up.

“Yes.

- Where are you from?

- I'm from France. I'm sorry if my accent's a bit weird.”

He laughed and pulled you closer, shaking his head.

“I don't care about that, our own accent is heavy. We can't judge.

- We?” Two additional hands were on your hips, just under the first guy's and you gasped softly before looking behind you.

“I remember you from this afternoon,” this was such a surprise. The guy that had the cutest face amongst the whole dance group had the deepest voice you'd ever heard and it made you shiver. “Funny to see you here now,” he was also Australian, no doubt about it.

It felt really intimidating to be sandwiched between two hot guys, but you also felt hot, so you pressed yourself a little further against freckles guy's chest, making the other one come closer to you two. Your ass was practically up against his crotch and his hands traveled up your body as you kept moving your hips to the music.

“Call me Chris,” curly hair said.

“I'm Y/n.

- Felix,” his voice will kill you. Especially if he keeps talking like that in your ear, making you all shy. Chris smiled at you and he leaned to your other ear.

“It's nice to meet you, Y/n.

- Ma belle,” you bit back a whine and you pressed further against Felix again. He chuckled in your ear and his hands rested just under your boobs. “We've been talking about you all day. We hoped to see you again.

- Tell us if you want us to stop right now,” Chris played with the hem of your dress and you wrapped your arms around his neck.

“Don't stop,” you were happy to finally have what you wanted. Especially since they didn't only speak Korean, so you could talk freely with them and there was no language barrier.

“I like that answer,” Chris licked his lower lip and you watched quite intensely, Felix took this opportunity to place your hair to the side and to kiss your exposed neck. You felt yourself getting wetter in your panties at the contact of his lips against your shivering skin and Chris straightened your dress back before trailing his hands a little higher on your body.

“You wanna take this to your hotel?

- I'm staying at a friend's house.

- Let's go to mine, then?” Felix suggested. His breath was also hot against your skin. You nodded and Chris grabbed your hand.

“I see you're not scared of strangers,” Felix commented as you took back your coat and purse and you stopped in your tracks, really thinking about it.

“Don't worry, we're not weirdos,” you were pulled by the waist and Chris led you out of the club, Felix following close behind the both of you. He sat at the backseat with you to keep you company while Chris drove to where Felix lived. You had been making out the whole time. One of his hands was cupping your cheek and the other was on your thigh while yours were on his shoulders. Chris couldn't help but to watch you two from time to time, even just hearing your pants and the sounds of your kisses made him horny and he almost let out a sigh of relief when he finally stopped in front of Felix's apartment.

Chris opened the door for you and you stood next to him, waiting for Felix to unlock the door for you. As Felix was doing so, your lips were on Chris’ and he was teasingly pulling your bottom lip with his teeth. Once the door was open, you went in and when Chris closed the door, you were led to the bedroom and pushed on the bed after you had thrown your coat on the floor. You sat up and looked at the two men in front of you. Their auras were so different but very intimidating in their own way, which made your face burn with timidity.

“Y/n,” Felix went closer to you and pulled a strand of your hair behind your ear. “Aren't you just so adorable? Trusting us this fast,” his thumb pressed against your lips to part them and he let out a shaky breath when he came in contact with your tongue. You were so obedient to them. He knew you'd do anything for them if they asked you.

“Don't worry beauté, we'll make sure you have a great time here,” his thumb trailed down your lip as Chris joined you two.

“Consider this your best night in Seoul,” he guided your hands under his shirt for you to feel his abs. Felix kneeled behind you on the bed and unzipped your dress slowly as Chris took his own shirt off. You instinctively spread your legs a little for him and he smirked.

“Feeling needy?” He leaned down to kiss your jaw. “Want us to touch you?” He put a light pressure against your clothed core and you whined, bucking your hips against his fingers. He pulled away and Felix helped you take your dress off, leaving you in your underwear (that you had carefully picked for this occasion). You leaned your head on Felix's shoulder since your back was resting against his chest and his fingers lightly stroked your sides, making your muscles contract.

Chris reached down for your coat and took your cellphone out, opening the camera app and looking at you again. “Can I?” You nodded and one of Felix's hands wrapped around your throat and squeezed softly, making you whine and thrust your hips up into nothing.

“Look at that,” now Chris approached you with the camera directed at you and you looked into it, your eyes half closed due to Felix squeezing your throat lightly. You could feel his other hand resting on your hip bone, knowing he was so close to touching you where you needed it the most made you wetter.

“Spread your legs a little, baby,” before you could even move, he was doing it for you. He zoomed on the small wet patch forming on the fabric of your underwear. It was hard to see, especially on camera, since you were wearing black panties, but Chris could definitely feel it under his thumb. You whimpered and rolled your hips, but Felix pushed them down on the mattress to stop you. “All wet and needy for strangers you met at the club.”

He stepped back a little to get a full view of your body as Felix slipped his hand under the fabric, feeling your wetness and spreading it all over your sex, not forgetting to brush his finger over your clit, making your hips stutter and Felix put more pressure then. Chan was looking at you through the screen of your cellphone and you could see he was smirking. Felix let go of your throat to slide his hand down to your thigh, separating them more and giving a better view to the camera.

“That's a good souvenir for when you go back, don't you think?” You nodded without a second thought as he teased your entrance. You looked down Chris’ body and that's when you saw he was palming himself through his pants and your mouth watered at the sight. You gestured for him to come closer and when he did so, you reached out to undo his pants. You moaned as Felix inserted his finger into you and you paused, Chris taking his pants and boxers off for you, leaving him fully naked in contrast to Felix, who still had all of his clothes on.

“You gonna use that pretty mouth, baby?” He grabbed your chin to make you look up at him, eyes blown with lust and you already looked fucked out only because Felix had been fingering you. You whimpered and nodded, your fingers delicately wrapping around his thick cock and he shivered. Felix decided it would be the right time to slip another finger inside you and you closed your eyes tightly, beginning to stroke the man in front of you.

Chris took one step closer before he stopped filming the video, placing your phone next to you on the bed and he placed your hair behind your shoulders. You noticed Felix was taking a handful of it and the next thing you knew was that he had pulled your head back roughly, making you moan louder and arch your back.

“Use your mouth,” Felix commanded, keeping you in place like this a few seconds before letting go of you. Chris was waiting for you with a small smile and you opened your mouth, showing him your tongue.

“Good girl,” he slapped the tip of his cock on your tongue before you wrapped your lips around him, making his head fall back and a loud, shaky sigh escaped his throat. Felix let go of you and you whined in protest, pretty much muffled by the dick you had in your mouth. You pulled away and replaced your mouth with your hand as you moved to kneel, but you were fast to suck him off again and he chuckled. “You must like pleasing people, yeah?”

You looked up at him as an answer and you heard shuffling behind you. Felix was opening one of his drawers and pulling a condom out of it. He put it on his bedside table as he hurried to take his clothes off, eager to be inside you. Chris moaned as you swirled your tongue around him in a certain way and he grabbed your hair to pull you away, enjoying how your face contorted in both pain and pleasure.

“Can I fuck your mouth? Is that okay with you?

- Yes, please,” you panted, looking at him with half lidded eyes and a small smile playing on your lips. He smiled too and then two hands were firmly on your hips.

“Not so fast,” Felix said, pulling your attention towards him and you looked behind your shoulder when Chris let go of you. “I'm gonna fuck you too. Chris, come on the bed too,” he looked at his friend.

You were now on all fours in between Chris and Felix, mouth occupied with one dick and your pussy being teased with another. Your panties had been slid off just before that change of position and just as Chris had requested, you let him thrust into your mouth to his liking. Felix had the tip of his dick in you, he didn't seem to be willing to move further for now, as if he was concentrating on something else.

That's when he pulled your hair again, making you moan. “She's gonna stay still like this. Use her like that,” Chris nodded and soon hit the back of your throat, making you gag and tears formed at the corners of your eyes. Felix finally sank all the way into you, making your eyes flutter closed and Chris pulled out to let you breathe a little before forcing himself back in your mouth.

They were thrusting at a similar pace, Felix tugging at your hair from time to time as his other hand gripped the soft flesh of your upper thigh. Chris would wipe the occasional tears falling down your eyes and praise you for your good work.

“Pretty girl, making yourself all useful like this. You know you're doing so good for us, right?” He would let out shaky breaths in between sentences because he was close and Felix fucked you harder and faster, leaning his body closer to yours until his head was next to yours. He was still holding you by your hair and he made it known by pulling again, a playful smirk on his face.

“You're making a mess,” he teased as he saw drool falling from your mouth, observing the way your eyes rolled back when he snapped his hips deep in you, making you whimper around Chris and he hummed low. “Keep going,” he kissed your cheeks before straightening up and fucking you properly again, making you grow louder as time passed and Chris’ hips started stuttering. He was also moaning, Felix was more silent but you could hear the occasional groans.

“Gonna cum on your face. Will ruin your pretty makeup even more- fuck,” he pulled out of your mouth and and you showed him your tongue, ready for him with teary eyes. He pumped his cock fast, close to your mouth and it took Felix a few hard thrusts for you to moan out his name and he was cumming. Some of his semen landed on your tongue, but also just under your nose and on your cheek. He was panting so hard as if he had run a marathon and you licked his tip before swallowing. Felix let go of your hair and you moaned, the sensation feeling relieving and you hang your head lower.

“Fuck… Plus v- Faster,” they both took notice of your French and smiled, Felix rubbed your waist softly as he fastened his pace. You were gripping the sheets under you hard and Chris picked your phone again, snapping a few pictures of your state. He also made you look up to take a picture of your ruined makeup, there was still a drop of his cum on your cheek and he wiped it away. “Beautiful.”

Felix flipped you over and Chris held your wrists above your head as his friend continued ruining you further. You were a total mess, as Chris said before, your moans sounding more like screams as Felix's eyes dug holes into your soul. His cock hit just right inside you and Chris’ hold on your wrists tightened as you tried to move them away to hold onto Felix.

“Chris, she's clenching,” he moaned and slowed down a little, you could tell he was as close as you and you rolled your hips, making him pin them down to the bed. “Don't fucking move,” he growled and you moaned again.

Chris was still holding you and he brought your hands closer to his lips, peppering them in kisses as Felix worked for both of your orgasms. Your back arched and your head fell onto Chris’ lap, looking up at him and he smiled against your wrists.

“I'm cumming,” Felix warned as he rubbed your clit rapidly, your eyes filled with tears again because you were so sensitive and you came just before him, the sensation of you clenching around him making him cum just after you. Chris watched the whole scene as he let go of your wrists and he gently massaged your shoulders as you came down from your high.

Felix gave you one last kiss on the cheek before collapsing next to you on the bed, looking up at the ceiling as he took his condom off. He tied it and gave it to Chris for him to throw it into the trashcan and the curly haired man joined you after.

“I didn't know you knew a bit of French,” you looked at Felix who laughed.

“I've learned a little when I was younger. I lost most of it, though.

- Ah,” you looked back at the ceiling too and Chris propped himself up by his elbows.

“It was kinda hot, you know? Like hearing you almost forget your English,” he said and you hid your face in embarrassment. Yeah, this would be one of your best memories in Korea.

[seonghwaddict]

★ NEVER SAY NEVER. [ 002 ] the pinkette.

synopsis. something about the eight most well-known boys of your campus just didn't sit right with you, so you never gave any effort to interact with them. but after a series of... interesting incidents, they can't seem to leave you alone. pairing. college students! vampires! ot8! ateez x fem! reader. genre. fluff, angst, eventual smut, college au, vampire au.

chapter warnings. innuendos if you squint, wooyoung is still a bit annoying but it's ok because it's wooyoung. word count. 1.9k

　　　　　　　　chapter i // chapter ii // chapter iii

The car ride to wherever Wooyoung and his seven friends lived felt a lot longer than it actually was. He talked the entire way there and if you weren't so polite—ignoring the fact you cursed him out multiple times already—you would have put on you headphones to drown him out.

Most of what he said was not worth replying to, but sometimes you caught yourself having actual conversations with him. The way he could talk to anyone without previously interacting with them surprised you a bit. And if you weren't so stubborn, you would have admitted it was a bit admirable, a skill you never really mastered.

On the bright side, you think, at least he let you take care of the music. He hadn't heard more than half the songs on your playlist and you felt it was your duty to introduce him to the most life-changing songs you've ever listened to. Sometimes he'd ask you something about a song, and you'd accidentally ramble on and on about anything related to it; the composition, the lyricism, the artist.

When you did that, he'd stare at you for however long he could any chance he got. He enjoyed listening to you talk, your voice soothing and free of any innuendos he'd normally receive when talking to anyone from campus. Your eyes practically glistened when he asked about a particular song that played (one titled "Reflections" if he remembered correctly) before you went off on another tangent about how the song makes you feel, arms and hands flailing around to emphasise your points.

At that point, he promised himself he would not get you to talk about music around Hongjoong, in fear that he'd never see you again. The musical composition major would probably propose to you on the spot.

"Oh! And also, the way they used–" You abruptly cut yourself off, looking down to pick at the cuticle of your thumb, confidence gone in the blink of an eye. "I– uh– Sorry. I'm rambling again."

Wooyoung slowed down before completely stopping at a red light. As soon as those words left your mouth, he shook his head in objection. "Don't be sorry. I like listening to you."

You looked up at him and upon finding no trace of deception or false reassurance on his stunning face, you nodded, dropping your hands in your lap. The man next to you felt an urge to grab ahold of one of them, but he knew you'd throw him out of his own car.

The tenseness in the air didn't last much longer as you noticed Wooyoung pull into a driveway leading up to the grandest mansion you'd ever seen. There seemed to be two floors, probably a third in the basement, and the walls were painted a clean white. The design of the house was quite modern, utilising geometric shapes and large, clear windows.

The lawn was neatly trimmed and the grass healthy. There wasn't much to see out front, but you assumed they'd prefer to use the privacy of a garden in the back.

At the sight of the residence, your jaw just about dropped and you whipped your head to the left, staring at the brown-eyed boy.

"This is where you live?"

He shrugged nonchalantly, but the smug smile stretched across his face told you everything you needed to know.

"Are you guys part of the mafia or something?"

He choked at that question, quickly denying it, but you only sighed in disappointment.

"That's too bad, maybe I'd have found you a bit cooler."

"Hey!" He pouted. "I'm very cool."

You tilted your head, unbuckling your seatbelt and getting ready to leave the car. "Hmm... I don't really think so..."

"Plenty of other people do." Wooyung got out of the car with you, still pouting at you over the roof of the vehicle as he moved to the trunk to pull out your bag. "You ought to as well."

"I don't know, Woo. I'm not really one to care what others think." You pouted back at him mockingly before your expression became confused. Upon your words, his pout turned into another mischievous grin. "What?"

"You just called me Woo," he sang playfully as he led you to the entrance. "Are we on nickname basis now?"

"What are you talking about? I clearly said Wooyoung."

He narrowed his eyes at you, shrugged, and then turned away from you to unlock the front door. "Either way, I like it when pretty girls say my name." And with that he entered the house and left you standing there, staring with wide eyes and blushing cheeks.

After you finally pulled yourself together and reminded yourself you didn't like him at all, you stepped inside. As you kicked off your shoes, your project partner instructed you to wait for a second while he informed whoever was home that they had company. You obliged, not wanting to see anything that would haunt you. What would that be? You didn't have an answer for yourself, but you'd rather not find yourself walking into the living room and seeing a half naked man.

As Wooyoung rounded the corner again, you had gotten up from where he put your bag, getting ready to follow him wherever he wanted to work with your sketchbook in hand.

"You're in luck, most of them are out and Seonghwa-hyung is almost done cooking." He led you to what you assumed must be the kitchen. "We can eat first and then start working."

You held back a gasp, but couldn't stop the amazed look on your face as you took in your surroundings. You shouldn't have been so surprised considering the fucking hallway was pretty, but the kitchen was absolutely divine.

It also took on a modern style, sleek white cabinets and counters surrounding the space. In the middle of the room was a kitchen island with a matching white marble surface, one side occupied by a large sink and the other with five barstools. But, most of all, it was so clean.

Not that you expected a house where eight men live together to be dirty and a mess, but you also kind of did. Yes, you were aware that they were all rich and could probably afford you and your entire bloodline, including a cleaner, but that thought never really crossed your mind.

As you continued observing the kitchen, your eyes landed on a man on the other side of the island, leaning against a counter with his arms crossed, watching you. His eyes scanned your body, assessing you before he lifted a hand and ran it through his pastel pink hair. Seemingly satisfied—though you're not sure of what—he nodded and smiled at you.

Wooyoung briefly introduced you to each other, though you already knew perfectly well who this was, and you weren't exactly happy to be in the same room as him. But, for obvious reasons, being rude to your project partner's best friend was not a very good first impression. And as much as you didn't really care about first impressions, you knew—and dreaded—that you'd had to come over quite often for this project.

A look of realisation crossed Seonghwa's features, his round eyes lighting up. "Ah, I know where I've seen you. You also take linguistics, right?"

You nodded to confirm that. He usually sat all the way in the back, though your professor encouraged him to move up front since he was such a good student. He always kind of intimidated you, but seeing him now, in sweatpants and a large sweater, hair blow-dried and fluffy; you wonder why you would ever think he's scary. Nevertheless, he's just like the others.

Wooyoung tilted his head in confusion and turned from where he sat at the counter to look at you. "I thought you're an art major?"

"I am," you took a seat next to him, leaving one barstool of space between you. "I'm double majoring in art and linguistics."

The man you answered hummed and turned to his older friend. "What are you making?"

"I didn't know we'd have a guest, so it's just bulgogi with rice noodles." He turned to address you, "Hope you don't mind."

"Oh, not at all! I could eat anything right now." Neither of the boys missed the way your eyes lit up at the mention of food.

The three of you continued to converse as Seonghwa prepared three plates for you to eat. He fished out some utensils from a drawer and set them in front of you, then him and Wooyoung.

"Oh, YN," Wooyoung said, sounding as if he suddenly remembered something, getting up and grabbing some cups from a cupboard. "Grab some drinks from the fridge, there should be plenty of options so choose whatever you want."

But as you moved to the fridge, Seonghwa quickly blocked your path with a slightly nervous sounding laugh. "No, that won't be needed!"

You tilted your head and blinked at him and Wooyoung could hear the way the elder's heart skipped a beat. Another nervous chuckle escaped his mouth before he explained, "We ran out of drinks yesterday, follow me to the pantry and I'll show you what options we do have."

"Uhhhh... okay...?" Though still confused and slightly suspicious of the way he was acting, you followed him to the other side of the kitchen. You thanked him as he held the door to the pantry open to you, but completely missed the chilling glare he sent Wooyoung.

Fourty-five minutes later, the three of you had finished eating. You offered to help wash the dishes, but the pinkette immediately shut you down and sent you and Wooyoung to work in the living room.

"Thank you for the food, it was really delicious. If I could cook, I'd ask you for the recipe." You smiled at him, placing yours and Wooyoung's plates next to the sink.

"Well," he started, bracing one hand on the cupboard next to you and leaning in slightly. "I could always teach you, if you'd like." His eyes briefly moved from yours to the area slightly below before he resumed eye contact.

And there it is. That's a shame. You thought you had misjudged him, but you supposed you were wrong.

At your expression, he burst out laughing (it was a very pretty, melodic laugh), standing up straight again and putting some distance between the two of you.

Maybe you weren't wrong...? At this point, you didn't know what to think of the man in front of you.

"I'm just kidding, Wooyoung already told me about your... feelings towards us. I just felt like messing with you a bit" He trailed off, smile stretching a bit further to reveal his perfect white teeth. "You're kind of cute when you're flustered, though."

Now that he mentioned it, you could feel the warmth on your face. As the realisation showed itself on your face, he laughed once more and rested his hand on your shoulder. He turned you and led you towards the living area, where you could already see Wooyoung making himself comfortable on the couch.

"I'll leave you guys to do your work now. I might join you once I finished cleaning, but I have a paper due tomorrow morning so don't wait for me."

"Hyung, you're not part of our project, why would we wait for you?" Wooyoung raised one of his disgustingly symmetrical brows.

With a shrug, he answered, "To balance out your annoyingness."

He didn't stick around to hear Wooyoung's whiny complaints, instead turning back to the kitchen with a loud laugh. The brunette rolled his eyes and patted the spot on the couch next to him.

"Now," he said once you sat, albeit with so much space between you three people could fit comfortably, "Where do we start?"

　　[ lilo's notes ... ] woohoo the next chapter!! i think i'll make the upload schedule fridays, so expect new chapters then. what do we think of the story so far? i'm so happy about all the positive comments i've been getting, thank you guys so much. whoever though seonghwa would be the one she'd like, is wrong... so any other guesses? i have a few ideas on what to do for that project, and i think it'll actually be quite cool. so please look forward to that ^^

　　ଘ(੭˃ᴗ˂)੭ taglist ... @atinytinaa @marievllr-abg @legohwas @moonsangie @kiss-hwa @cqndiedcherries @ateezourstars @r1kitti @sarahleighflora @kyukyustar @cqndiedcherries @ateezourstars @kitty4hwa @hyukssunflower @aestheticsluut @neohyxn @mrowwww @darkdayelixer @itsokaytobedumb00 @hwa-sans @purplelady85 @meginthebuilding27 @stopeatread @mothworked @foliea @euphoric-emily16 @teezers99 @mulletjoonsupremacy @imalildelulu @sunukissed @blehhhidk @ad0rechuu @seongfury

　　NEVER SAY NEVER　©　seonghwaddict, 2023

[florsial]

*THROWS BOOKS ON TABLE*

There isn't enough Bartylus content, I'm throwing a fit

And here's a lil playlist i made and realized gave off slight bartylus vibes<3:

Spectrum and Hot Gum gives off such bartylus vibes!!

Here are some Bartylus hcs!!!

-I do believe in canon Barty is younger than Reg by about a year but I don't really like that, so I imagine Barty is just younger than Reg by about a few months (i do what i want)

-Though they first met at a pureblood event when they were both 8 years old and Barty finds himself being pushed to talk to the sickly-looking boy who clung to Evan Rosier while his brother was being pulled away by Walburga and Orion. He didn't get to talk to Regulus at all that night, but Evan was nice.

-When he sat with Evan and Reg on the Hogwarts Express for the first time, Regulus still didn't talk to him. Just starred. It was then that Evan explained that Regulus didn't know any English, only French.

-So Barty tried to teach some to him, but since he was pretty stumped on English too, being used to Italian most of his life, it didn't do much for Reg. Though it did make him laugh.

-They started dating in their 4th year, at first it was just casual dating, neither of them actually thought they would last so long but that did. Though with a few split-ups here and there.

-Once when Regulus got extremely sick, Barty took a walk to pass the time (since Reg insisted that his boyfriend keep a distance so he wouldn't get sick too) and ran into a stray black cat. It reminded him of Reg so he took it with him and presented it to Reg who opted to name the cat Artemisia

-Regulus likes to write letters and poems so he can slip them into Barty's bag for him to read.

-Cue soft dancing between the two, they def do it in private as a way of comfort

-Barty finds random shit he thinks Reg will like and just bring it to him like a cat, Reg a has about 2 boxes for it all

-They both know exactly when the other is lying. Both of them grew up in households that would lie often so they would see through each other so quickly. This is why surprises between them are basically useless but Reg likes to do so anyway because it's the thought that counts in his head

-In my little head they ran away to elope and just never told anyone. In canon compliant, I would imagine them eloping in the middle of wartime and planning to announce it when everything was over, but it just never happened cuz Reg died.

-I think it would be more fun if it was in a muggle/modern au where shortly after Sirius runs away, Reg and Barty run away to elope and they just disappear until years later when Sirius sees his little brother who he thought was still living with his parents and the little fucker is married to the psychotic bitch who threw knives for fun in high school (i might actually write a fanfic on this holy shit)

-wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses wrist kisses tehe

-Regulus paints Barty's nails cuz Barty has shaky hands that can never keep still

-Partly blond Regulus who lets Barty dye his hair

-They like to play tag together, while on the outside it's just a sweet thing, it is always a bit more symbolic than what people think

-Regulus knows how to sew so when he sees that some articles of Barty's clothes are ripped, he takes them and fixes them up. When Barty takes notice of this, he takes care to buy Reg a bag of candy and extra kisses as payment

-I don't really see them as super chaotic more like, unnerving in the sense that someone will be like: Evan: Yo your boyfriend is creepin me out Barty: K, he does that Barty: anyways you wanna see this macabre painting I made of someone getting eaten Evan: . . .yk what sure

-Painter Barty/Writer Regulus who are each other's muses hehe

-Barty learned how to make rings out of paper clips so he would make them and just throw them at Regulus. He started making them in 3rd year and has yet to just give them to Reg. He has to throw it. Barty says it's tradition, Evan calls bullshit, and that Barty just likes seeing Regulus confused about where the ring fell on the ground (it's true)

-Regulus likes to sneak up on Barty but over time Barty has become more aware of Regulus sneaking up on him.

-They share jewelry but the vibes are always the complete opposite when they wear it so people don't realize they are wearing the same piece. Regulus would wear it in a fancy and sophisticated way and Barty would wear it in what I think of as the "dirtbag" way (idk how else to describe forgive me)

[crystaljellie]

An Analysis of My Scott Playlist

Big long post as promised <33 roughly 40 songs

I've Had Enough by Melina KB

This song in the context of double life is very interesting to me, but I also like to see it in Scott talking to Jimmy (Sorry flower husbands truthers I love soft and kind flower husbands too but we have all seen what happened in limited life they do have some slight issues)

"Cause you miss the way I let you walk all over me" | Again could work in both contexts, Scott never really went out of his way to stop Pearl from doing what she does with the powdered snow, sure he did retaliate but you can tell at some point he just gets used to it. And then in the context of Jimmy I'm thinking very especially about limited life flower husbands and Scott giving up time for Jimmy.

"I'm done with shutting up I've learned a lot better" | Maybe in this of Scott thinking he's learnt to stand up for himself? And I say think because I'm talking about how he thought he was in the right in double life (None of them were) It's also funny because he has the confidence so strongly in double life where he makes his feelings known and then it's just like... 'Oh yeah you can kill me!!' And I know it's part of his whole making everything fair thing, but still

"Admit you did it we all know you did it" | We all know you're the one who left me when you went to the nether, tormented me, screwed me over repeatedly. Both Pearl and Scott do not understand each others perspectives of the situation and villanize the other for it.

----

Washing Machine Heart by Mitski

"I know who you pretend I am" | Limited life Scott and Martyn, Martyn pretending he's serving his king again, Scott being alright with it because he knows Martyn is by his side for more than just that reason, and he's right Martyn is.

It's a pretty short analysis here but it's mainly I guess about Scott wanting allies and wanting to be loved by them but they always have someone else more important to them than he is

----

The Moon Will Sign by the Crane Wives

"All those empty rooms" | Something about Scott being alone after Jimmy died in 3rd life, empty rooms with no noise to fill them

"We made our peace with weariness and let it be" | The weariness oof being forced into death games over and over, the blood brings chaos the familiarity of death brings peace

"I shine only with the light you gave me" | OKAY NOW HEAR ME OUT ON THIS ONE You might be saying "But Scott was the one who lived longer in that relationship and is literally seen as the stars" But have you ever considered Jimmy was the one everyone loved more, jimmy was the one to make strong alliances, Jimmy was the one there was fuss over when he died. Scott was only able to be strong because he had Jimmy by his side and without that 'light' he was simply a tool of vengence

"Instead you hoarded all thats left of me" | In the sense that Jimmy unknowingly kept Scott's ability to love another other than him, and all his courage and faith in the world. Not that Jimmy was doing it on purpose but it still happened anyways

"I want to feel the fire that you kept from me" | NOBODY TALK TO ME THIS IS 100% SCOTT TALKING ABOUT RANCHERS. I DON'T CARE IF YOU LIKE RANCHERS AND HATE FLOWER HUSBANDS OR WHATEVER BUT YOU CANNOT TELL ME THIS IS NOT SCOTT BEING BITTER THAT JIMMY GAVE MORE LOVE TO TANGO THAN HE EVER DID TO SCOTT. HE WANTED TO FEEL THAT FIRE OF A LOVE HE NEVER GOT TO KEEP

----

Two Slow Dancers by Mitski

Another double life-coded song

Very much Scott and Pearl

"And We've both done it all a hundred times before" | More so in reference to last life, they've played the death game before they know how it goes

"it would be a hundred times, easier if we were young again" | If they were young and still filled with faith, if Scott hadn't won last life and learnt the pain of winning and become bitter in the season following

"We get a few years and then it want's us back" | Not necessarily a few years but more so like the gaps between the games, a bit of freedom and then the watchers want them all at each others throats

----

Evelyn Evelyn by Evelyn Evelyn

Surprise surprise another Pearl and Scott one

"Why do we bother to stay? Why are you running away" | Scott and Pearl with their conflicting feelings at the start of double life, with Scott wondering why he should stay and Pearl not wanting him to leave her

"We grew up closer than most, closer than anything, closer than anything" | In either they grew up close in last life or their soulbound in double life, either way their fates are intertwined

"What if they find us? They're not looking anyways" and it's counter part line "I want to be famous, they're watching us anyways" | WATCHERS WATCHERS WATCHERS!! There's so much about this that just gives, hiding away from the watchers or giving into their whims

"At your side I feel like a ghost" | It can go either way in my mind, Pearl not feeling adequate enough to be seen and Scott feeling like she's killing him

"A parasite needs a host- I'm only trying to do what is best for us!" | because Pearl only wanted to help her soulmate, not that Scott didn't but he felt so betrayed and then it turned to a feeling of her leeching onto him

"You're always trying to be somebody else" | THIS!! Because Pearl wasn't acting like who she used to be and who Scott became friends with, she became 'somebody else' in an attempt to bring him back.

----

Little Soldiers by the Crane Wives

"Beneath the table you would offer up my bones And all the dogs would lick your fingers" | As in how Jimmy does things at Scott’s expense to get people to trust him or to get time and hearts and such

"And I dragged you through every room inside our home" | Scott struggling to get Jimmy to do anything with him anymore and feeling like the effort he puts in is not enough

----

November by Sparkbird

"Admit it, you were never going to get it I was always going to get it" | Can't explain why but this gives last life Scott killing Ren

"Maybe that's relevant somehow, can I explode now" | ....boom boom at the end of double life :3

----

Allies or Enemies by The Crane Wives

"And I swear I didn't mean what I said" ...I live by the belief that Scott didn't actually mean to tell Pearl he was 'breaking up' with her, guys trust me it was the watchers. But also apart from that it could be anything

"Are we allies or enemies this will be the death of me" | Scott in secret life, not understanding what his teammates actually think of him

"All is fair in love and war but I can't fight with you anymore" | FLOWER HUSBANDS LIMITED LIFE GUYS!!

----

Canary in a coal mine

CANARY IN A COAL MINE IS SCOTT’S SONG NOT JIMMY’S I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

"Am I the only thing that keeps you safe when the light is gone?" | Scott being the only person to protect Jimmy in third life and protecting his memory even after he’s dead

"I’ll be worth more than all the silence left in my way" | The silence referring to how Jimmy doesn’t really interact or talk to Scott outside of third life, he is silent towards him, and Scott is hoping that he’ll be more than that to Jimmy if he tries hard enough

"I’ll sing you songs until the darkness does recede" | Scott calming Jimmy down when he needs it always being there to reassure him, keeping his hearts safe and him armoured in 3rd life

"Will you forget about your love for me?" | If Scott is no longer able to keep chasing after someone that won’t come back from him will that love that they once had in 3rd life be forgotten for good?

"And when you break the surface, oh, without me" | When Jimmy meets new people achieves new things and finally manages to break the curses all without Scott because no matter how much Scott tries Jimmy won’t let him help

"Please don’t return me to the dark of all the memories, yeah" | The dark actually being hope don’t give him any more hope that those memories could be recreated

"I will save you when your lights go out" | Scott is giving him time which continues to live being his breath, Scott’s love for him keeps him alive and that act of love is letting Jimmy kill him for time, saving him when he needs it most

This song is so so Scott coded most if not all the lyrics fit his perspective of things, the song is associated with Jimmy mainly because he is the Canary in the coal mine which sure fair enough but the lyrics themselves don’t fit his personality or his view of things, I guess some things could refer to how the winners and others have left him behind and he is weighed down by the curse but nothing else really fits him. 

----

Misery Meat by Sodikken

"You want a taste of my brain? Okay, it's yours anyway, A bite of my eye alright I won't put up a fight" | Scott giving his time away and hearts away for other people with little complaint

----

This is going to be part 1, and I will reblog this later with part two

[superblysubpar]

I'm not sure if anyone will see this and care or if it'll make a difference but I just feel like posting it and starting off my day better than I have recently.

Yesterday, driving home from class, I had my window rolled down and the sunset was beautiful and my new WIP playlist was blaring and I was just really fucking happy.

And I thought about how my social anxiety has been pretty awful the last few days, the last month actually, both digitally and in real life and I just wanted to keep living in my perfect little sunset moment and have it be gone forever.

Which made me realize I can? And I mean, anxiety is always gonna be there, there isn't a permanent cure, but I just need to keep reminding myself of the girl that I saw in my side mirror last night.

Cause if people don't like me, or they're annoyed with me, or they don't like my writing or I'm not pretty or the whole mess of things my brain tries to tell me - well that's a them problem. They don't have to respond to me. They don't have to interact with me. I'm fucking cool and hot and that's their loss, right? And also, half the time my brain is telling me that they think I'm too much or that look someone gave me was judging but like how do I know? If I'm too much they can go find less. That look? Maybe they liked your outfit or thought you were pretty! Why does my brain immediately go to - you're crap, they hate you, also you're annoying and ugly. I mean what the shit is that?

Anyways, the point I'm trying to make is, the girl in my mirror last night, with the sunset making her face all pink and golden and her hair blowing in the wind - had a big smile on her face and she was singing and she thought she looked so cute yesterday. She was really proud of her writing all day. And I don't want her to leave. And she doesn't have to. And whatever version of that girl you have yourself, whether you've seen them recently or not at all - is there. And you're not annoying and you're talented and you're gorgeous and people love you and care about you and you're not alone.

Anyways. Have a great fucking day and make someone smile even if it's yourself 💛

[btsgotjams27]

this is us ~ jjk | 20

✨ title: this is us | (sequel to all grown up) ✨ pairing: jungkook x f!reader | ✨ rating: m/18+ | minors dni ✨ genre/au: drama, romance, angst, fluff, smut | est!relationship, age gap, best friend’s brother ✨ playlist | ✨if you haven’t read the prequel to this, please do so here! :) ✨ a/n: I'm not crying, you are. if you must know, I've been dreading this chapter because it means we're one step closer to the end 😭 but I do have some things up my sleeve hehehehe and you'll find out what it is after the epilogue 💖 we've come so far and thank you everyone for coming alongside their journey. i wouldn't be here without your questions, lovely comments and reviews. i owe so much to all my readers. one last thing, thank you to @erica2283 for helping with this chapter. we all owe her a big hug. ✨ a/n 2: remember, we have our little TIU celebration as well! i hope you'll all be around for it. and as always, i'd love to hear your thoughts, keyboard smashes, anything 💖 hehe we've made it!!

[ SERIES MASTERLIST ] | next ✨ epilogue ~ us

chapter 20 ~ ending credits | wc: 9.2k warnings: language, drinking, someone is preggo (can you guess who?), oc is a supportive girlfriend, jk is such a romantic and oc gets easily embarrassed, references to 10 things i hate about you and inception (ofc), grumpy grandpa yoongi, also yoongi is just the sweetest friend, jk and yoongi finally meet, do i hear some kind of bells???, jk and oc are so in love it’s satisfying to see after all this time (we’ve come so far!), and also lots of fluff cause hello there is a 💍💒⚭🎉, be prepared for all the cheesy, romantic shi--💖, they're overly gross with their use of pet names smut warnings: slight exhibitionism?, oral (m & f receiving), fingering, spitting, cum swallowing

~ 2 months since moving in together ~

Light sounds of piano and saxophone filled the air as you had been laying on this bed for an hour, moaning and groaning, and not because of Jeon Jungkook.

Your masseuse was hitting all the right spots, getting every knot and kink in your wound-up body, and for that, you'd blame your boyfie.

Hyunie and Yuna wanted a girl's day without husbands, boyfriends, kids, or distractions. And who would say no to that?

"I don't know why we don't treat ourselves out more often," you said, turning to Yuna as she sipped her wine.

"It's been too long since we've all had a self-care day," Hyunie commented. You and Yuna agreed. "Oh my gosh! Your nails are perfect!" She pointed out your neutral beige nails topped off with lavender French tips and tiny jewels perfectly placed on each nail.

You wavered your fingers, letting your new manicure sparkle and glisten in the sunlight. Pastels and neutrals were your go-to. You were too much of a chicken to step out of your comfort zone.

“I think we need to do this once a month,” Yuna said, staring at her nails, which reminded you of Tiffany’s robin-egg blue.

“You both deserve it, mamas.”

Hyunie giggled, placing a hand on her growing belly. She was still in the early stages of pregnancy. At the start of this self-care day, she texted a sonogram photo to you as you were undressing for your massage. You screamed and started crying, practically scaring your masseuse.

“What are you and Jungkook up to this weekend?” Yuna asked before swirling the pasta with her fork.

“He wants to go to this gaming convention or something. It’s being held at this big arena.” You didn’t know anything about video games. You searched the internet to see what they even did at gaming conventions.

“Boring!” Hyunie cried out.

You rubbed your temple. “He wants to go, so I’ll go to support him.”

“You’re gonna be such a good wife—” Hyunie remarked before Yuna kicked her under the table. “Ow,” she muttered. “I mean, you’re such a good sport! Supporting your man like that.”

You blinked at your friends, wondering what was up with them today. You gave them the bombastic side-eye as they were pretty giggly and tightlipped.

Hyunie laughed off her comment, trying to play it cool. “Don’t mind me and my pregnancy brain. Also, remind me to kick my husband’s butt for knocking me up! I mean, there are some nice benefits.” She looks down at her chest. “But everything hurts already.”

“Welcome to the pregnant life, my friend,” Yuna jokes.

You chuckled. “I can’t believe Kim Taehyung is gonna be a dad.”

“Right? No, but I think he will be a good dad.” Hyunie hummed softly, rubbing her belly.

“He’ll be great, and I’m sure he can always ask Namjoon questions,” you said.

“Namjoon still doesn’t know what he’s doing half the time–actually, both of us,” Yuna laughed. “But that’s just parenting 101. There’s no guidebook or anything; you just google everything and hope your kid doesn’t turn out to be a turd.”

“Yuna—” You rolled your eyes.

“What? I’m not saying Indie will be, but I just want my kid to be a good human.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job raising your little human,” you say to Yuna, then turn to Hyunie. “You and Taehyung are going to do great, too. You have us if you need anything.”

You gripped Jungkook’s hand as he led you through the sea of people. The commotion of excited fans buzzed in the arena. Booth after booth of fan-made merch, the newest games, and sponsored goods were lined up like a maze. Your eyes wandered, scanning to see if anything interesting caught your eye.

Jungkook was in deep conversation with an old colleague from Netmarble, who was working on a new game set to be released. Your lips turned into a pout, and you turned around to see what could keep you busy as you let Jungkook do his thing.

“So, you’re telling me that this virtual reality game is like Inception? The movie?” You narrowed your eyes at the young man trying to sell you on this new game. Anything could be turned into a game, you supposed.

“The possibilities are endless,” he shrugged, continuing to go in-depth with this game.

You had been in conversation with this young man for twenty minutes and turned to find your boyfriend had disappeared. You sighed, “Great.” How were you supposed to find him now?

Checking your phone, which only had 5% left, you knew you should’ve grabbed the portable charger. Maybe you could somehow find Jungkook in this sea of fanboys.

A sudden screeching, humming noise made everyone grimace, covering their ears. The sound of someone thumping a microphone, followed by an ‘ah, ah, ah,’ went through the speakers.

“Everyone, we have an extraordinary presentation today. Would you please turn your attention to the screen?”

The lights dimmed, the crowd quieted, and everyone’s eyes were focused on the illuminated screen.

“You’re just too good to be true, can’t take my eyes off of you.”

You froze, your heart thumping, and your stomach fluttered at the angelic voice. Hearing the song made you weak in the knees, wanting to crumble down to the ground. This scene from 10 Things I Hate About You was your second favorite to Kat’s monologue.

Jungkook is shown on the screen. He has a mic in hand and a grin plastered on his face. He’s putting everything into this little performance like it’s one of his late-night karaoke sessions, except this time, he was performing in front of thousands of people and a live broadcast instead of just you and Bamie.

“You’d be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much.”

The screen splits in half, and now your face is also shown in front of thousands of people; then you notice the space around you, along with the camera pointed directly at you.

You didn’t think Jeon Jungkook was one for grand gestures, but maybe you were wrong. Suppressing your smile, you closed your eyes and hid your face in your hands.

He continued singing, making his way over to you. The grin he’s sporting never leaves as he finally stands before you.

All eyes are on you and him.

You leaned forward and whispered, “What are you doing?”

Jungkook sets the mic beside you, and the music dies down. He wiggled his eyebrows, pulling out a blue velvet box.

He got down on one knee, staring up at you. “It is an honor and a privilege to love you, and I want to love you every day till I die. I can't promise there won't be difficult moments, but I wouldn't want to go through life with anybody except you.”

You sucked in your lips and licked them to keep your excitement at bay.

“If you allow me to, I want to choose you every second, every minute, and every hour. I’ll show you what devotion is and how it’s deeper than the ocean.”

Your eyes twinkled as you lovingly stared at your romantic boyfriend. “Yes–” you interrupted him, furiously nodding your head.

He knitted his eyebrows and pouted. “You didn’t let me finish.”

“Don’t need you to–”

He opened his mouth and closed it again. “Just–let me ask you,” he whined.

You huffed, giving him a deadpan expression. You figured he would only get to do this once in a lifetime. Maybe you shouldn’t take away his thunder.

Jungkook took the oval Alexandrite ring from its box. He rose to his feet. “Will you marry me?”

At this moment, you needed someone to pinch you and wake you up from this dream. Could this be a virtual reality like the Inception game from earlier? Would your totem fall over or keep spinning?

“Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!” You cupped his face, eagerly kissing him, forgetting about the thousands of people watching you.

His bunny smile and dimple are on display for the world to see, and his starry eyes shined brighter than the gem on your finger. It’s the happiest you’ve ever seen him.

Cheers and screams echoed throughout the arena as you kissed him again. Your lips entwined, his hands threaded through your hair, pulling you as close as he could. The smell of his cherry chapstick filled your nostrils, becoming intoxicating.

Jungkook pulled away, peppering kisses on your face as you let out soft chuckles. “I can’t wait to spend forever with you.”

The first person you texted was none other than Min Yoongi. Since Hyunie and Yuna were in on the whole ‘pamper/self-care day,’ they already knew what was happening. Hence the secrecy throughout the day.

You 10:27 PM [ image attached of engagement ring ]

Grumpy Grandpa 10:30 PM 👍

You 10:31 PM That’s it? All I get is a thumbs up.

He knew how much you despised the thumbs-up emoji, but he told you it was the highest compliment anyone could ever get from him.

Grumpy Grandpa 10:35 PM 🎉

You 10:36 PM 😑

Grumpy Grandpa 10:40 PM Okay fine. 👍👍👍👍👍👍 Happy?

You 10:41 PM 😐 I guess

You 10:45 PM Anyway, will you come to our engagement party?

Grumpy Grandpa 10:50 PM You’re already getting married. Why spend more money on an engagement party?

You huffed and clenched your jaw as you sat in bed, staring at his message.

You 10:52 PM Because we’re in love and need to celebrate it a million times over and over until everyone is sick of us. 🥰💖🥰💖🥰💖

Grumpy Grandpa 10:54 PM I think I'd rather die a slow death…

You didn’t bother to text anything back. Instead, you tucked your phone underneath your pillow as Jungkook crawled into bed. You inched toward him, your back against his chest. He draped his arm around you, kissing your head.

“Hi, soon-to-be-wifey,” he chuckled, pressing himself into you.

“Hi, soon-to-be-hubby.” You wiggled back toward him.

“Who were you texting?”

“I was texting Yoongi to see if he’d come to our engagement party.”

“What’d he say?”

“That he’d rather die a slow death.”

Jungkook laughed, kissing your shoulder. “Oof–I like him.”

You turned around to face Jungkook. “You’d be okay, right? If Yoongi came to our party?”

His lips thinned, and his brows drew together. “Yeah, of course. He’s your friend. If you want him there, then I want him there.”

You hummed. “I love you.”

“Love you more.”

If there was one person you wanted Jungkook to meet, it was Yoongi. Honestly, you’d miss the banter and bickering relationship between you. But maybe Yoongi would be willing to accept Jungkook and possibly become friends. One could hope, right?

You 9:01 AM I don’t know if you planned to come, but we had to cancel the engagement party.

Grumpy Grandpa 9:15 AM Damn, he doesn’t wanna marry you already? I get it, though. I wouldn’t wanna marry you either.

You 9:16 AM 👊👊 Min Yoongi, I’m gonna pummel you!

You 9:17 AM If you must know, the place we wanted was overbooked, so we’re gonna cancel and save money for the wedding.

You don’t hear from Yoongi for another hour or so. He must be busy with an upcoming film or something.

Grumpy Grandpa 10:02 AM Don’t say I’ve never done anything for you.

You 10:36 AM 🤨

Grumpy Grandpa 10:55 AM My friend has a place you can use for your engagement party if you want.

You 10:56 AM You don't have to do that.

Grumpy Grandpa 10:57 AM The offer is expiring in 3…..2….

You 10:57 AM Ok! Ok! Where's the place?

Strolling through the home, you wonder what you did in your past life to have a friend like Min Yoongi. You crept through every corner of the house but couldn’t find him.

There was one last place you hadn’t checked: the terrace. Making your way through the kitchen, you saw him standing outside. The view was incredible, overlooking the ocean. This place was a few ways away but worth the drive.

The corners of your lips curved into a smile as you closed the sliding door behind you. You observed the grumpy grandpa in a fuzzy yellow cardigan looking at the scenery before you.

“Hey.” You stood, nudging his arm.

He turned and hummed, acknowledging your presence.

“Thanks for letting us use this place. It’s amazing. Better than anything I imagined.”

“It’s my friend’s place,” he quickly corrected you, sipping his iced coffee.

You leaned against the glass, looking at him, nudging him again. “Can you just accept my gratitude?” you pouted, sporting your best puppy eyes.

“Fine. You’re welcome.”

You giggled because you got your way. “Come on, I want you to meet Jungkook.”

He grunted, not moving an inch.

Tugging on his yellow sweater a few times made him give in. “Let’s go, grumpy.”

Jungkook and Taehyung were busy bringing decor and food in, and Yoongi had somehow disappeared from the terrace to the kitchen. You blame being the bride-to-be because everyone needs your input on where to place everything.

“You okay?” Jungkook asked, scanning your face.

You hummed, nodding your head, and broke out into a warm smile. “I’m good. Better than good, great actually.”

He raised his eyebrow, sporting a thin smile. “Okay,” his tone is hesitant, but he trusts you. “I’m gonna help Taehyung finish bringing everything in; then we can start the party, hmm?” He kissed your cheek before running off.

An arm wrapped around your shoulder, pulling you in for a hug. You turned to see a friend from your most recent TV show.

“Hi, Minji.”

She squealed, pulling you into a tighter embrace. “I can’t believe you’re getting married!”

You beamed a grin from ear to ear, enjoying the buzzing excitement. You watched as Yoongi appeared from one of the bedrooms, strolling toward the terrace again. You’d have to grab him to introduce him and Jungkook when you could.

“Let me see the ring,” Minji said, holding her hand for yours. “Oh my god. This is such a pretty gemstone. Does it change colors?” The ring sparkled and gleamed with every twist and turn. 

“Sometimes it can be a deep green to blue, sometimes even purple or a deep red depending on the lighting and angle,” you explained. It was one of the reasons why you preferred this stone over a diamond.

When you were looking through rings, you told Jungkook that if your wedding/engagement ring didn’t look like he went through a crazy journey and a cursed lake to get it, then you didn’t want it. It is a bit dramatic, but you wanted your ring to be special and unique.

“It’s so pretty and, honestly, so perfect for you.” She hugged you again. “When’s the wedding?”

“Soon—in a month or so.”

Minji’s eyes widened.

“Yeah—don’t ask me how wedding planning is going,” you let out a light-hearted laugh.

You and Jungkook didn’t see the point in waiting. You loved each other and couldn’t wait to spend the rest of your lives together. Plus, neither of you wanted a big wedding. You just wanted to celebrate with family and friends.

Throughout the night’s festivities, Yoongi opted for something stronger, a classic glass of whiskey, to be exact. He sipped on the drink with a hand in his pocket, watching the sky become painted with hues of coral and lavender. This was one of his favorite spots in this house.

“Hey, man.”

Yoongi turned to see the groom-to-be. He nodded, sporting a thin smile, before taking another sip of his whiskey.

“I’m Jungkook, by the way. I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said, holding his hand.

Yoongi suppressed a smile. He thought it was funny how you’d spoken about him to your soon-to-be husband. “So, you’re the famous Jungkook, hm?” Yoongi switched the glass to his other hand to shake Jungkook’s.

He shies away from Yoongi’s comment. “Ah, I hope she didn’t bore you too much talking about me.”

Yoongi softly chuckled and wanted to respond but held his tongue. He’d be a good friend and keep your pain a secret.

Jungkook cleared his throat. “But I just wanted to say thank you.”

“For?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Letting us use this place. It means a lot to the both of us,” Jungkook paused, stuffing his hands in his pants pocket as he looked off into the horizon. “And thank you for being there for her in a way I couldn’t.”

He knew how important Yoongi had become in your journey when you and him weren’t together. And if Yoongi weren’t there to support you, maybe you and him wouldn’t be together right now. He wished there was a better way to show his gratitude.

“I didn't really do anything. I just listened to her ramble, watched her cry, eat, and drink a lot.”

Jungkook softly chuckled. “You did more for her than you think. Thanks again.” He held his hand out for Yoongi to shake once more. Yoongi stared for a moment before reciprocating.

Yoongi couldn't hate the guy you were about to marry despite the pain Jungkook had caused you. He was nice, handsome, and had a stupid death grip. Could probably beat him up. He even surprised Yoongi by taking the initiative to introduce himself first. Well, if that wasn’t the mark of a man who truly loved you.

He watched Jungkook walk over to you, hugging you from behind and kissing your shoulder. You wrapped your arm up to his neck, turning to kiss his cheek. You were happy, and that’s all Yoongi wanted for you.

The guests begin to dwindle, and you have some room to breathe. And you make it a point to talk to Yoongi before you leave. You felt like you hardly saw him the entire night. He was doing his own thing. Was he always like this in a social setting? You guessed you hadn’t seen him much outside of hanging out with Hyunie and Taehyung.

“Are you ready to go?”Jungkook asked.

“You go ahead. I’m just going to find Yoongi and thank him again. Is that okay?”

He nods. “Yeah, of course. I’ll be in the car.” He kisses you before leaving.

You wandered throughout the house, peering through each room. Yoongi was sitting in a darkened room, sipping on what you assumed was another glass of whiskey.

Standing in the threshold, you knock on the frame, getting his attention. “Hey, stranger. You’re not much of a party-goer, are you?” You chuckled, taking a few steps forward.

Both hands are holding his glass while he’s leaning forward in his chair. “Are you guys heading out?”

“Yeah, just packing everything up.”

He hummed. “Have a good night.”

You don’t move from your spot. Your hands are entwined, thumbs twiddling with one another.

Yoongi knits his eyebrows. “Everything okay?”

You flash a small smile. “Thanks for letting us use your place tonight.” Yoongi perked up. “You know how I knew?” You pointed at the cat figurines on the bookshelves and the desk. “You had the same ones in Phuket.”

He made a disgruntled noise, scanning the room at his little porcelain collectibles.

You chuckled. “You don’t have to lie to me, Yoongi, saying it was someone else’s place, but thank you again. You’re a good friend.”

Yoongi has always been the supportive one. He was there for you when you were at your lowest of lows, and you’d be forever grateful. And even if he would never outright announce to the world all the things he’s done, he cared for you in such a delicate, subtle way that was completely different from everyone else.

“You ready to go home?” Jungkook brought your palm up to his lips, pressing a kiss against it.

You hummed and smiled. “Home. I like the sound of that.”

~ one month later ~ ~ a week before the wedding ~

Bam sat at your feet while you were finalizing the seating chart. Jungkook passed out on the couch, lightly snoring away. He had been staying late because of all the late-night karaoke and cooking sessions.

You 11:56 AM Hey, I’m going through RSVPs, and I haven’t gotten yours. Can you let me know if you’re coming to the wedding?

You don’t hear a response from Yoongi for the rest of the day until a phone call comes in after dinner.

Grumpy Grandpa Incoming Call

“Hey.”

Hey, sorry, I just saw your text. My new film is shooting the next day after your wedding, so I might have to leave early depending on what flight I can book. But yeah, count me in.

“Okay, awesome. Are you bringing a plus one?”

He scoffed. “Yeah, no.”

“Okay, I’ll sit next to Taehyung and Hyunie so you won’t feel lonely or awkward.”

“‘Kay, sounds good. I’ll see you then.”

Jungkook walked in with Bam after their nightly stroll around the neighborhood as you checked off that Yoongi was coming on your planning app.

Bam wandered over to the pen, drinking water from his bowl, and Jungkook greeted you with a kiss.

“Whatcha doing?” He plopped right beside you, laying his head on your lap.

You card your fingers through his hair, lightly scratching his scalp. “I was just talking to Yoongi. He was confirming that he’s coming to the wedding.”

“He’s a cool guy. I like him.”

Flashing a small smile, you continued running your fingers through his hair. “Yeah, he is.”

“He didn’t say much when we were at his place, but he just seems like the type of guy who quietly cares for his friends.”

You chuckled because that encompassed everything Min Yoongi was as a friend.

“He seems very open-minded and knowledgeable, probably about the most random things.”

“Have you been studying him or something?” you asked, continuing to play with his hair.

“No, I just—want him to like me.”

You chuckled at his comment. “You’re cute.”

Jungkook rolled his eyes, pinching your arm. He sat up, shoulder to shoulder with you, nudging you.

“Yes?”

“I know we said we wouldn’t get any gifts for each other, but I couldn’t resist.”

You turn to him, narrowing your eyes. “Kook—”

“I know!” He lowers his head. “So, do you want it now or later?”

You closed your eyes, holding out your hands.

“Okay, okay! Hold on!”

Jungkook sprinted toward the bedroom, holding a box when he returned. Bam was passed out on his blanket, not caring what his parents were up to. 

He placed the box in your hands. “Open your eyes.”

You peek with one eye, and it’s a beautifully wrapped gift. It reminded you of the one that Hyunie wrapped your boudoir album in. Jungkook watches as you shake it from side to side.

“I’ll just—leave you alone.”

You purse your lips, raising an eyebrow at your soon-to-be-husband. He kisses you before leaving you alone with the gift.

You undo the twine and carefully remove the kraft paper. Lifting the top cover, there’s a photo album identical to the boudoir one you have.

Did Jeon Jungkook take risque photos for you?

Carefully, you take the album out, moving the box beside you. Your fingers ghost over the front cover before having the courage to open it.

The noise you made awoken Bam, but he ignored you and went back to sleep. You raced to the bedroom, shutting the door behind you.

“What is this?” you questioned, blinking at Jungkook. You held the album open to him, dressed in a tight white tee and leather pants. He looked like a 90s heartthrob, and you were scared to look through the rest, but you may have seen him shirtless in a blazer and jeans.

“You don’t like your present?”

You shook your head. “No, I didn’t say that.”

Jungkook giggled. He propped his arms on the bed, legs spread, a cocky smirk on display.

“Are you trying to seduce me?”

He showed off his pearly whites and wiggled his eyebrows. “Is it working?”

You wandered over between his legs and nodded. “Yes.”

You wondered how it was your wedding, and you were still running around like a chicken with its head cut off. Hyunie and Yuna helped when they could, and you even recruited Minji to be your day-of coordinator so that you wouldn’t have to make all these decisions on your wedding day.

But after a hectic day, you were glad to finally rest and lay your head on the comfy pillow and fluffy duvet. The bed you laid in bore too many memories of you and Jungkook—the two of you getting high, being horny as fuck, and him getting it in the wrong hole. This cabin held many fun memories, and you were excited to add more.

You tugged on the string lamp, turning off the light. Digging deeper into the bed and pillow, you breathed a sigh of relief, ready to go to dreamland.

Just as you were drifting off, a buzzing from your phone awakened you, and when you lifted it to see who it could be—it was none other than your soon-to-be-husband.

You answered the video call but didn’t care to turn on the lights because he broke the rules you had placed for the wedding.

“Kook, what are you doing? You’re not supposed to be calling.”

He’s not wearing a shirt through the screen as the fluffy, white duvet covers him. “Says who?” His elbow props up his head while he’s staring at you.

“Says tradition.”

“Who cares about tradition—Come on, baby,” he pouts, causing a frown and puppy eyes.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. It’s just for one night.”

“Let me talk to my girlfriend before she becomes my wife,” he pouted.

You chuckled. “It’s just a title.”

Jungkook’s offended and scoffs. “Oh, it’s so much more than just a title.”

“You’re going to call me your wife instead of your girlfriend. No big deal.”

“It’s a big deal, alright! I’m honored to be your husband.”

You rolled over on your stomach, propping the phone against the pillow. “Okay, hubby,” you cleared your throat. “Everyone—this is my husband.” You giggled. “You’re right. It has a nice ring to it.”

“See! What did I tell you?”

The both of you quiet down.

“We’ve come a long way, hmm?”

“Yeah, and you’re worth every single step.”

Rolling onto your back, you pick up the phone, then dramatically fan yourself. “Kook, save some words for your vows tomorrow.”

“I have a never-ending list of things I could say.”

“Are you just a boy filled with pure fluff and love?”

He shies away, covering his face with the duvet. “Why, yes, I am.”

You chuckled, furrowing your head further into your pillow. “It’s late, and we have an early day tomorrow. We’re getting married, remember?”

“How could I forget? I can’t wait to see you tomorrow.”

“Goodnight, hubby.”

“Night, wifey.”

The hustle of decorating the cabin was finished the night before, and with Minji, Jimin, and his girlfriend’s help, everything was coming together. The only thing you had on your agenda today was getting married to the love of your life.

Your hair and makeup were in full swing as your makeup artist put the finishing touches on lipstick. You didn’t want anything too glam. Simple and minimal was your mantra for this joyous occasion.

Soft clicks from a camera could be heard from behind as Yuna helped tie your silk top. You and Jungkook opted to capture the wedding on film and digital. It would give it a nice touch of vintage vibes.

Hyunie whistled as she got a close-up of Yuna tying your top. “Wait until Jungkook sees you in this!”

“Stop–it’s just a dress.”

Hyunie shook her head no. “It’s not just any dress. It’s your wedding dress. Trust me. It hits differently.” She wiggled her eyebrows. “And it’s a two-piece, so whenever you wear these pieces separately, you’ll always have some wedding feels.”

You looked at yourself in the mirror, smoothing your silk skirt with the thigh-high slit. You wanted to be practical with your wedding dress. You didn’t want it wasting away in the back of the closet, never to be worn again, so you opted for classic pieces that you can wear again.

Yuna sets the veil’s comb into your hair, letting the tulle drape down. She stood beside you, tilting her head with a smile beaming from ear to ear. She took your hand, making you look at her. “Hey, sis.”

“God—Yuna. Don’t make me cry right now! We just finished my makeup.” The back of your neck began to warm up, and you could feel the tears forming behind your eyes. You fanned yourself, hoping it would stop them from falling.

“I can’t believe this day is finally here.” She dabbed the corner of her eyes, gently wiping away her mascara. “Okay—I need to go check on Indie. Make sure she’s all set. I’ll see you two later.” Yuna tightly embraced you before leaving.

Hyunie takes your hand. “Are you ready, my beautiful bride?”

You faced outward to the breathtaking landscape. The sun is shining, warming up your exposed skin. Closing your eyes, you inhale a deep breath, not taking this moment for granted. You want to savor it, keep it locked up to revisit.

Unbeknownst to you, Jungkook had been watching you from afar, enjoying this moment. Like you, he wishes he could put the world on pause so it could just be the two of you—a point in time where nothing else mattered but you and him.

Jungkook takes his time and chuckles when he sees you tired of standing, waiting for him.

He approaches, wrapping his arms around your waist, removing your veil to kiss your shoulder. He whispers a ‘hi,’ rocking you from side to side.

You leaned back, pressing into him. “Hi,” you repeat as Jungkook kisses your temple.

His kiss sends chills throughout your body. You close your eyes again, and your relationship with Jungkook flashes before you. An overwhelming sensation overtakes every fiber of your being. Your home wasn’t just four walls and a fridge. Instead, it was four limbs and lips to kiss. Jungkook was your home.

“Can we just stay like this for a little while?” He squeezed you tighter. “Before all the chaos?”

You giggled and hummed, turning around to kiss him. “I love you so much.”

It felt like an eternity to finally be standing before him, but the two of you made it–nothing was standing in your way, save for Namjoon, who was performing the ceremony.

Everyone had their turn down the aisle: Yuna walking with Jimin and Taehyung, and even Bam and Indie made the crowd laugh as the flower girl and ring bearer. Bam kept trying to eat the petals as Indie threw them. Yuna had to entice Indie with chocolates as she stood at the end of the aisle.

You were patiently waiting inside, your arm linked with Jin.

“This is your last chance to run,” he teases as you nudge your hip into his.

“I didn’t go through hell and back not to marry Jeon Jungkook.”

Jin chuckles. “Well, come on. Your groom is waiting.”

The acoustic guitar starts playing, ‘Everything’ by Kina Grannis through the speakers. Everyone turns toward you, watching as you descend the aisle with Jin. Camera clicks are heard in front of you as Hyunie snaps away.

You’re donning a silk two-piece, an open-back top with a tie, and a skirt with a thigh-high split. You opted for a dried flower bouquet of lavender and baby’s breath, and Jungkook had a matching boutonniere.

Your eyes focus on none other than Jungkook. He looks dashing in his classic suit. His soft curls frame his pretty face, and his hands are folded as he patiently waits for you. The corner of his mouth curved up into a grin. He shyly looks to the ground before flicking back up, dimple and bunny smile on display.

When you reach the end, Jin hugs you and whispers, ‘Go get ‘em, tiger.’ You chuckle and turn to Yuna, handing her your bouquet. Jungkook takes your hands, and you stand facing each other in front of Namjoon.

It’s like you have tunnel vision; no one else matters but you and him. You can see Jungkook’s eyes glistening as Namjoon continues his wedding script. Jungkook squeezed your hand a few times before you realized Namjoon was talking to you.

All eyes were on the two of you, ready to exchange vows.

You turn to Yuna to retrieve the vows you had prepared. “I was not expecting you. I was not even looking, but somehow, you came to me as if you knew what I needed. I used to believe that finding someone who would love me would be difficult. I know I’m not the easiest person to love. I’m an over-thinker and don’t convey my wants and needs well, but I’ve found someone who thinks they can take on the challenge.”

There’s light laughter among the guests. Jungkook grins, looking at the ground before flicking back to you.

“There may be times when I’m insecure and spiral into the abyss, but if you’re by my side, I know you’ll always be in my corner, fighting with me and helping me every step of the way.” 

You paused and flashed a soft smile, trying to hide your tears. “Jeon Jungkook, you are my dream come true, my world, the joy in my heart. Thank you for loving and accepting me for who I am, my flaws and all.”

You stopped again to dab the tears falling from the corner of your eyes. “And I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life falling in love with you over and over again.”

A stillness remains after you finish your vows. Your eyes quickly glance at the crowd. There are smiles and tears of joy among them.

Namjoon takes the microphone from you, handing it over to Jungkook. He sniffles before clearing his throat and grabbing a piece of paper from his jacket pocket.

He unfolds it in his hands, and you can’t help but notice a slight tremble. “It’s easy for me to love you, which scares me. I’ve never wanted anything so much as I want to hold you every waking minute and every night while I sleep. The question I used to ask myself was ‘How do I love you?’ and now it has become ‘How do I ever stop?’”

“I’ll choose you again and again from start to finish. I’ll choose you when my heart is full, and I’ll choose you even when the days are hard. Maybe I’ve already loved you in a million different ways and through different timelines, but I’m so glad that we’re here now, and I get to love you in this lifetime.”

“There are no more what ifs, what could have been. It’s just you and me saying yes to each other forever. We deserve our happy ending.”

Jungkook looks up to see you holding a tissue, patting your cheeks from the tears. He sees past you and Yuna, also in tears. He lightly chuckles to himself.

The two of you have gone through enough, and Jungkook was right. You didn’t have to live with the what-ifs and the what could have been. This timeline brought you back to him. You could think of many things that could’ve happened—you not taking that meeting in LA, being unable to pick yourself back up, you and Jungkook not breaking up and trying to make it work. But ultimately, you knew you needed to grow, mature, and figure things out before you could be standing here today saying, ‘I do.’

Namjoon proceeds through the rest of his ceremony script by exchanging the rings and, finally, the last thing on the agenda.

“Jungkook, you may kiss the bride,” Namjoon announces.

Jungkook takes a few steps forward, cupping your face and staring into your eyes. “Finally.” He leans forward, closing his eyes. His lips find yours like a magnet.

Cheers from family and friends are boisterous, along with the music that cues up as the two of you are ready to walk down the aisle.

You stand with Jungkook hand in hand. He looks over to you and kisses you again. He lifts your arm, shaking it, yelling a ‘yes’ as the crowd cheers again.

Minji ushered you and Jungkook to a private bedroom, telling the two of you to eat before the reception festivities. But, of course, Jungkook had other plans.

He locked the door and eagerly pressed you against the wall, making you yelp. “Five minutes, that’s all I need.”

“You’re pretty confident, hmm?”

"I can't let this moment go to waste."

"Kook," you whine into his mouth. "Someone's gonna come looking for us."

"Good. I'll tell them we're coming," he grins before kissing you again.

Your hands are flushed against his chest as he trails kisses along your jawline and neck. His hand on the small of your back, pressing you into his growing bulge.

Your fingers tug on his jacket lapels. You're tempted to take off his blazer, but you're in the middle of your wedding celebration. You couldn't get carried away.

He kisses back up your neck, finding your lips again. Shifting your skirt to the side, his hand finds warmth between your legs. He palms against your clit, rubbing circles. He catches your moans with his kisses.

"We can't be so loud, baby."

You unbuckle his belt and pop the button on his dress pants, undoing his zipper. You cup your hand around his hard, clothed erection, stroking him. He gently grabs your hand, making you withdraw from him.

"You first."

He moves your panties to the side, his finger sliding between your folds, spreading your arousal.

"Are you ready for me?"

You loll your head back, jaw slack, making some kind of noise in agreement. He inserts a finger, his palm pressed on your clit again. He starts pumping in and out before adding a second finger. Your walls clench around him when he speeds up.

He squeezes your breast, then pinches your nipple. You're already crumbling, and it's been mere minutes, but your desire for him started long before this.

Jungkook drops to his knees. He gathers your skirt for you to hold. He pulls down your panties, making you step out of them. He flings it off to the side before relishing in you again. He attaches his mouth to your clit, licking and sucking, tugging your legs closer to him. He hurries down further, trying to get to your entrance.

Your hands thread through his hair as he reinserts his fingers. He looks up at you, eyebrows knitted, a stray hair falling as you bite down on your lip, holding in whimpers. Saliva is running down his chin as he continues lapping, trying his best to consume all of you. He pulls away, kissing your clit, nudging his nose into it. At the same time, he's curling his fingers, hitting the sweet spot. He lifts your leg onto his shoulder so he can get better access. He kisses your thigh before attaching his lips to clit again.

You're aching for a sweet release. Your heart is racing, and the fear of someone coming to look for you heightens, and you start rolling your hips, desperate to reach your climax.

"Mm, right here, Kook. Just like that."

His eyes meet yours, and he smiles, knowing he could make you cum quickly. He continues lapping and flicking, finger fucking you. The sensation is too much to handle, and you need to stabilize yourself. He sets your leg down, and his hand grabs the flesh of your ass.

Your skin heats up, hands curl tighter into his hair, the building pleasure causes your legs to shake, and your thighs are closing in on Jungkook. You're biting down on your lip, holding back the moan, desperately trying to escape. You're losing all composure when the tension finally snaps, and you reach your release.

He doesn't let go when you cum. He continues to overstimulate you until you have to push him away. You lean down to kiss him, your slick lingers all over him, and you have to clean him up before he goes back out.

"Fuck–you're so sexy," he says between kisses.

"Your turn."

Jungkook hums. "I'm not gonna last long."

"Then it'll be just like our first time again," you tease, remembering when you sucked him off on your couch.

"Baby–do you have to bring that up right now?"

You giggled and let go of your skirt, reaching to put your panties back on. You nodded, smirking at him. "You can never last long when you’re excited."

"Baby," he whines, letting out a huff.

You kiss him. "I love making you feel that way."

You play with the elastic on his underwear, tugging them down. Jungkook watches as you grin and grip his cock. It involuntarily twitches in your grasp. You have no time to waste. People are waiting for you both.

Kneeling before him, you wrap your hand around his shaft, pumping and twisting his length. Your thumb rubs the pre-cum dripping from him, and then he lets out a sharp hiss when you flick your tongue at his tip. Spitting on his cock, you spread your saliva up and down his shaft with both hands, stroking him.

You peer up at him, and his eyes never leave yours. He’s captivated by this pretty view. You take him in your mouth, swirling your tongue, moaning against him. Laying your tongue flat, it runs along the underside of his cock, following the prominent vein. Your lips are slick and swollen, trying to take more of him in.

“You’re doing so good, baby,” Jungkook bites his lip, gently thrusting forward.

Your lips part around his cock, only taking in the head. Your hand wraps the rest of his shaft, stroking him, and your free hand gently plays with his balls.

A breath is hitched in Jungkook’s throat, his eyes half-lidded, almost rolling back when you take him in inch by inch until your nose is pushed into him. 

There’s a knock on the door, and someone tries to open it. “Hey, are you guys almost finished eating?” Minji asked through the door.

The two of you look toward the door. You’re busy gagging on Jungkook’s dick, and he answers, “We’ll be right there.”

You return to sucking and stroking, more frantic than before.

“Fuck,” Jungkook curses a few more times, bucking into you. He cups your face, making you look at him. “Where do you want me to come?”

You quickly pop off, “Mouth.”

He visibly gulps, his cheeks burning at the thought of you swallowing his cum during your wedding. The muscles in his abdomen tighten, the building pleasure ready to explode. Lightning ripples through him, sending shockwaves throughout his body as he finally cums in your mouth. Jungkook groans when you continue to milk him for all he’s worth. The sweat forming on his head trickles down his face.

You wipe off the trailing saliva and swallow his cum. As you fix your skirt and top, Jungkook stuffs himself back in his underwear and pants. The two of you look at each other, smiling like idiots.

“I can’t believe we just did that,” you said, inching closer to kiss him.

Jungkook smirked, wrapping his arms around you. “I can.”

You cleared your throat. “We should scarf down our food and return to our wedding, hmm?”

Wedding festivities were in full swing—smiles, laughter, and chattering filled the outdoor patio. Delicious food in your bellies and mixed drinks coursing through your veins.

Jin walked to the area where the band was playing, his fingers tinkering on the glass to get everyone’s attention.

“Why, hello, beautiful people—and by beautiful people, I mean me.”

You and Jungkook make a face at each other.

“I’m kidding! Everyone here is dressed to impress, and ladies, if any of you is single, come find me afterward.” He looks at Jungkook, and he’s glaring back at his friend.

Jin clears his throat, “Anyway, I’ve seen the highs and lows of your relationship, and I’m honored to be standing here, witnessing how love can withstand so much as long as two people continue to fight for and fiercely love one another. I promise I’ll always be there to support the two of you as best as possible. And remember me when you need a god-parent for your kids.”

You and Jungkook look at each other, shaking your head.

Jin holds up his glass, proposing a toast. “To the bride and groom, may you continue to show us what true love is.”

Everyone raises their glasses, saying “Cheers,” clinking their glasses with one another at their tables.

Yuna stands, walks to Jin, and retrieves the microphone from him. “Hello, everyone. I’m Yuna, the bride's best friend and the groom's big sister. I’m sure some of you are wondering if I was okay with their relationship, and at first, it came as a shock, but as their relationship progressed, I realized how pure their love was for each other. They’ve even taught me a thing or two about love, and if you’ve seen them from the start until now, you’ll see how far they’ve come, and I can’t wait to see what their future holds. I love you both so much.”

Jungkook nudges you, handing you another tissue. Even though this relationship was hard for Yuna to accept, you’re glad she never gave up on you, on Jungkook. If she never trusted the two of you and cheered you on, it would’ve been another relationship you’d have to grieve. But you’re so glad it worked out.

Jin returns, speaking into the mic, “Now—there’s been enough crying for the night. It’s time for the first dance of the bride and groom.

Jungkook stands, holding out his hand for you. He leads you to the dance floor; you let the train of your skirt drape behind you. The piano intro of the chosen song comes on. His hand sits on the small of your back, pressing you closer to him, his other hand holding yours. You press your cheek against his, close your eyes, and breathe everything in—you and him now.

You love holding his hand. The softness of his fingers electrifies every nerve in your body. You love listening to him breathe; it’s a calm reminder for you to slow things down. You love the warmth radiating off his body and onto yours. You love looking into his starry doe eyes and feeling like everything will be okay.

Entwined, all that we are is defined By each others shipwrecked hearts and I Shiver to think what would have been if I wouldn’t have seen you in time Would we pass by?

“I love you,” Jungkook whispers, kissing your cheek.

A warm smile eases onto your face. “How long will you keep telling me that, hmm?”

He gazes into your eyes. “Forever and ever.”

You giggle. “I like the sound of that.”

Like parachutes and air balloons Or satellites and lonely moons We’d still be drifting far apart But thank the stars we are entwined

The two of you continue to sway to the song until it ends, and the next song comes on, and you just know that Kim Taehyung requested it. The full-on blaring horns and cymbal percussion filled the speakers on blast.

Yes (whoo, ow) It's so crazy right now Most incredibly, it's ya girl, B (yes) It's ya boy, Young You ready?

And the first person on the dance floor, dragging Park Jimin to the floor? None other than Kim Taehyung. 

You and Jungkook look at each other, bursting out into laughter. He had pre-gamed before the wedding even started.

“You wanna sit this one out?” Jungkook asked, raising his eyebrows, and you nodded, letting the rest of the crowd have a turn enjoying the reception.

You’re mingling through the tables and greeting friends. Jungkook has Indie in his arms; she’s giggling and squealing at the top of her lungs as she twirls around, and Bam circles and barks at the two. You love watching Jungkook with Indie, and it makes you wonder if you’ll get to have that with Jungkook one day. You’re hopeful and believing for the best.

Namjoon, Jin, Taehyung, and Jimin all take turns whisking you away from your mingling to dance with you. Throughout the night, you’ve been preoccupied with guests, and then you see the one person who hadn’t greeted you and Jungkook yet.

You walk over to Min Yoongi, who’s in a black suit and tucked in a white tee. This is the most you’ve ever seen him dressed up. He’s kept his hair long but put in some effort to style it.

Like clockwork, there’s a glass of alcohol in his hands. He’s looking elsewhere when he notices you. He’s focused on your eyes; then you see him explore your face and flash a gentle smile.

You hold out your hand. “May I have this dance?”

“I don’t dance,” he grumbles.

“Oh, you’re such a liar! I’ve seen you dance.”

“Yeah—when I’m drunk and I’m not drunk enough yet,” he whines.

“Come on. It’s my wedding day. You can’t say no to me.”

He blinks. “No.”

You roll your eyes and drag him by the hand. He leaves his glass on the table, fumbling after you.

“Just one dance, and then you’ll be a free man.”

Yoongi groans as he stands before you. Your hands are on his shoulders, and his hands are on your waist, and you’re both at a respectable distance from one another.

“See, it’s not that bad, is it?”

“It’s horrible actually. Think I’m allergic to dancing,” he teases.

“Shut up, stupid.”

“You shut up,” he spits back.

“You can’t tell me to shut up. I’m the bride.”

“Have you been using that excuse all day?” He narrows his eyes at you.

You show off a cheeky smile. “Yep!”

Yoongi shakes his head, and he beams his gummy-toothed smile.

“Did I get a smile out of Min Yoongi?” You gasp dramatically.

“Consider it your wedding gift.”

You roll your eyes again, and you smack him on the shoulder.

“Yah—” he frowns. “I was going to give you your actual wedding gift, but I’m taking it back now.”

“What?” Your eyes widen. “No, no, no! What is it?”

Yoongi steps back, reaching for something in his pocket. He pulls out a small rectangular box and hands it to you.

The music continues as you flip open the box, and in it, you see a silver titanium spinning top and a silver bishop chess piece, but just like in the movie, it’s hollowed out.

“There’s debate on Cobb’s totem being his ring, but considering you and Jungkook have wedding rings, it seems redundant.”

You chuckled to yourself at the gift. Only Yoongi would get you something like this. “What does it mean?”

Yoongi looks around, and your eyes follow him. His gaze returns to you, along with a soft smile. “This—you and Jungkook—it’s not a dream. It’s real.”

You turn away from him, your heart aching gravely, your eyes glistening from the silly but not-so-silly gift.

“Are you,” Yoongi pauses, “crying?”

You tut, still turned away, quickly wiping your tears. “No, I’m not crying.”

He tilts his head, waiting for you to turn to him. “Hey, what do I always say?”

“It’s okay to cry, just don’t cry alone,” you say monotonously.

He laughs. “Well, at least you remember something I’ve told you.”

You looked at him, your eyebrows knitted. “I listen,” you retort.

The song ends, and the DJ lets guests know only a few songs are left.

“Well, I have to head out. Early roll call tomorrow—you know the drill,” Yoongi says, stuffing his hands into his pants pocket.

You nod. “Thanks for coming. You don’t know how much it meant to me.”

“I wish you and Jungkook all the best,” he flashes a thin smile, and then he pulls you in for a hug, his cheek pressed against yours.

The unexpected display of affection catches you off guard. He’s not known to express affection, but you soften, giving into his embrace.

Yoongi withdraws from the hug, locking eyes with Jungkook as he waits for the two of you to finish. Yoongi gives a small smile, as does Jungkook.

“I’ll see you when I see you?”

The corner of your eyes crinkle as you smile, bidding him farewell.

Jungkook wraps his arms around you from behind, inhaling your scent. “Ready to go home?”

You hummed, nuzzling into him. “Let’s go home, hubby.”

A deep groan escaped your lips when you rolled onto your side, but Jungkook blocked the way, and you couldn’t move further. Your body ached in every nook and cranny. Jungkook did not go easy on you last night.

You sat up with weary eyes, staring at your husband, who was sound asleep, snoring away as if you had nothing to do today, but that was far from the case.

The two of you were setting off to the Maldives later tonight. Jin had taken Bam home after the wedding to dog sit while the two of you are off on your honeymoon.

You shoved Jungkook a few times, and his only response was grunts. “Kook, we need to get up,” you whined, kicking him a few times.

“Mm? Kook is not my name,” he said in a muffled tone as he faced you.

You huffed, clenching your jaw. “Husband, hubby, the love of my life.”

His eyes are closed, and he beams from ear to ear. “Yes, wifey?” He peeked an eye open before shifting into an upright position beside you. He opened his arm up for you to cuddle right in.

You shake your head at your silly husband, kissing his chest. He’s never going to grow old of you calling him that, is he?

“I love you.”

He giggled. “Is that it?”

You hummed.

“I love you more.”

Throughout your wedding day, you couldn't help but think of your relationship with Jungkook. You never expected to fall in love with your best friend's younger brother. You were on the rebound; he had just moved back from LA. It seemed like a lifetime ago that the two of you were sneaking around, getting caught by Yuna. It's strange how life works, how everyone gathers at life events, and this time, instead of a family reunion—like the one where you saw Jungkook again—everyone gathered for a more cheerful occasion, celebrating the two of you.

Chapter One of your life was never-ending, full of life and love. It was messy and complicated, but you felt like it was finally coming to a close, and Chapter Two would be the beginning of something much more beautiful for you and Jungkook.

✨ epilogue ~ us

[snixx]

you know what it's 1:30am and quite literally no one cares but idk. the tags on my last post reminded me and I feel like rambling about something no one cares about and that's why I have a tumblr so why tf not lol

izzie taylor taught me that i could love.

ironic because the first person I ever loved fucking hates her guts and thinks she's toxic af lol. but cazzie meant the fucking world to me as a baby sapphic, not just because they were one of my first sapphic ships ever but because of how fucking relatable they were. they were messy ass teenagers and their chemistry felt so real. and fivel stewart (along with deepika padukone) is my #1 celeb crush of all time but Not The Point lmao.

like idk how to explain it because I'm obviously a much more stable person now than I was when I first got into the ship but the thing I love so much about izzie is how hard she tries to get fucking better. and how she apologizes and communicates when she fucks up no matter what. because the thing is she Does fuck up. a Lot. girlie has trauma and issues the size of jupiter and she has mood swings and bouts of shame and her "brain just betrays [her] sometimes" and she doesn't know how to handle it. she doesn't trust herself because she doesn't feel things consistently. and god did seeing her work her ass off to become a better person and get over her self-destructive tendencies to maintain a healthy relationship mean the world to 14 year old me. it kind of snapped me out of my self-hating cynical world view and gave me so much hope honestly. because back then I genuinely didn't believe I was capable of maintaining a healthy long term relationship (of any kind, not specifically romantic). I thought I would inevitably end up hurting everyone and the kindest option was to isolate myself forever. but the thing is. people need people to get better. sometimes you need to let people in. and izzie showed me that as long as I didn't stop trying and made sure to communicate openly and honestly no matter what, I could love people and be there for them too. and progress isn't linear. izzie does regress and fuck up over and over, but the thing is she LEARNS from her mistakes. she gets over herself and apologizes and does her best to make up for it. and she gets more stable with time, just like I did. it's not easy to realize your agency when you struggle with depression or ocd or bpd or whatever. but you do have agency. you just. have to keep trying. no matter how many times you fall on your face and fuck up. izzie showed me that it's worth trying, because you do get better. which is why she'll always be one of the characters closest to my heart. (and the ship. fucking ship of all time.)

anyway. here's my trying to be better as a fucked up mentally ill teenager playlist inspired by the one and only izzie taylor <3

and the companion casey-inspired playlist of loving someone who can and does hurt you because they're struggling with mental illness because you know they're trying and getting better and that they're worth it <3 (sidenote i could go On about the casey side of things forever too but. that's for another time lol. you don't have to put up with shit just because the other person is going through stuff that's not what I'm saying. it's more nuanced than that and I love how casey set boundaries for herself re: that buuuuuut i digress)

[hrtnsolofytube]

Time for a ☎ Scam Likely Song Breakdown ☎

Today is Unsweetened Lemonade by Amélie Farren in regards to Daniel Jacobi from Wolf 359

Warning for brief mentions of sui//cide and death!

Let's get this started under the cut!

Starting off strong with the first verse of the song. We all know Jacobi is a very volatile person. Consider the fact that onstead of dealing with his grief, betrayal, and other emotions, he went ahead and threatened to blow the entire ship up if the target of his emotions wasn't shot dead in front of him. Knowing that, it's not hard to believe he's always been this stubborn and volatile with his feelings. Even if he doesn't like confrontation, he'll start and finish what he has to in order to get through whatever he's feeling at the time.

These two go hand in hand as pre and post Wolf 359. From what we know about his childhood, he faced a lot of scrutiny under his father. It wouldn't be hard to believe that he didnt think he'd make it past 12 — or maybe even didn't want to. That's a hard age to be dealing with the kind of emotional abuse he likely faced from a dad who had a specific ideal of how he wanted his kid to be — especially one who wanted him in the military. From my experience, that can end in a lot of pushing for physical elements that one might not be able to handle at a young age.

The second verse there is very post, him realizing he's stuck alive while everyone he cared for is gone. The way its said in the song is very flippant, especially with the usage of the words 'I guess' as if it wasn't what was planned, but it's what he has to deal with now.

This... Does give me very Kepcobi vibes, sorry to anyone here who dislikes them. You can move to the next verse if you want! But it definitely makes me think of how Jacobi felt for Kepler. Especially towards the end — he had lost all trust for the man, how could ever want him to have his heart after that? The whole 'its pathetic how you think youre being smart' makes me think of how Kepler definitely thought he was. Thought he was playing it slick by being on the enemy side. He let his ego overpower him, control him, and for that he was already as good as dead to Jacobi. The worthless parents/stupid kids part can be in regards to himself. I personally doubt he knew that much of Kepler's past, and even then we don't know much expect for what's hinted at in his playlist. Jacobi probably faults his parents for his own stupidity in giving his whole life to one person, one thing. Just like his father gave himself — his body, his soul — to the military, Jacobi did the same with Kepler and the SI-5.

Another two that go hand in hand! The first chorus I see as him after being given the offer to join the SI-5 and realizing it's his last chance. He doesn't really have anywhere else to turn for work — he'd do anything at this point. Everything he thought he was meant for had crumbled beneath him and left a gaping hole where it had previously stood. An air of grievance and lack of purpose.

The second gives me after the events of 61. He's never been so out of control in his life. He'd do anything to get that control back, even if for a bit. His entire life has been a lie up to this point, and now he's going home without the two people who made everything truly worth it. He doesnt know what he'll do with himself — lifewise, jobwise. He's lost, out of control, and grieving. The last line definitely makes me think of Maxwell, Kepler, and his job itself — everything he'll ever love. He feels like that's it now. It's all decayed, all gone. What else does he have to love?

That's all for now!! Join me next time for another ☎ Scam Likely Song Breakdown ☎

[anyon-else]

Will You Let Me Come Closer to You? (The Red Room pt.8) | You know that staying is a bad idea. Deep down, you know that it will only lead to more pain and loss. But for some reason, it's becoming harder and harder to tear yourself away from this new home. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Kabuto Yakushi, Orochimaru (mentioned)

Warnings | fem!reader, hurt/comfort, mentions of scars, mentions of death, allusion to suicide, abuse

Word count | 5.6k

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

"The dog that weeps after it kills is no better than the dog that doesn't. My guilt will not purify me."

Anonymous

"Alright, pack it up and get in."

Kakashi was too tired for this.

The night after your conversation, Kakashi had waited in vain for you to come out from his spare room. He wasn't too surprised when your door remained firmly shut long past the time when you usually joined him, but he was still slightly disappointed. When he woke up from a nightmare gasping for breath and looking around for nonexistent threats, his first thought was whether or not you'd kick him if he knocked on your door and asked that you come out and join him again.

When he saw you the next morning, you looked just as exhausted as he felt. However, he wasn't too tired to notice that you were purposefully avoiding his eyes.

"Sensei!" Naruto shouted from the door, arms full of bags that certainly hadn't been necessary to bring, "are we bringing the pups?"

"Iruka is staying here for a few weeks for a mission. He'll take care of them."

Naruto pouted and knelt down to an equally disappointed-looking Akino. Kakashi huffed; the kids spoiled his dogs too much. They were all getting too mushy to be guarding the house.

"We really can't stay for a few more days?" Sakura asked, throwing her bag into the back of the car. Her luggage was much lighter than what she used to bring when they came here on mini-getaways. Kakashi didn't want to think why that was, but he couldn't help but imagine how little she was likely permitted to have while in the Red Room.

"I'd like to get back to the compound. We're disconnected from SHIELD here, and I don't want to be out of the loop for too long."

He almost wished she'd fought him on the decision more, but her curt nod almost reminded him of a formal response to an order. He felt a headache coming on as he pictured that same response being given to Orochimaru.

Maybe he was overthinking things.

"You look terrible," Sasuke said, glaring at something behind Kakashi. He glanced at where you were slipping past Naruto with a bag slung over your shoulder and a deep scowl pointed at the ground. Sakura snapped at Sasuke to be nice, and Sasuke's answering shrug did little to make her lower her defenses. The boy gave you one last glance before climbing into the front seat of Kakashi's car.

"Nope," Kakashi shook his head, "back."

"Wha– why? For her?"

Sasuke pointed a disbelieving finger at you while you tried very hard to look like you weren't paying attention to the argument. You looked uncomfortable with his attention, and Kakashi took note of your uncharacteristic silence and stowed it away as something to ponder on later.

"Yes, for her. You children will be in the back."

Sasuke scowled at Kakashi, then glared past him at you. Kakashi waited beside the passenger door until his charge slipped out and trudged towards the backseat. He looked like the model of an angsty teenager; his arms were crossed tightly over his chest, and a deep scowl was directed at the trees in the distance. Kakashi felt his headache grow worse.

Sakura settled into the seat beside Sasuke with a quiet warning to be nice. He ignored her and propped his chin on his hand, turning even further towards his window.

"This isn't necessary," you muttered behind Kakashi. Stubbornness seemed to be a trait that you and Sakura shared, though he wondered if you had picked some of it up from the girl, "I can sit next to Sakura."

"It's alright. They're used to sitting back there."

"Still..."

For the first time since the night before, you met his gaze. You looked exhausted and beyond exasperated with the conflict. You participated in a stare-down with him for a moment, but climbed into the passenger seat with a grumble about how difficult he was being.

The drive was only a few hours, but it didn't take long for Naruto to fall asleep with his head resting on Sakura's shoulder. When the four of them went on road trips like this before Sakura was taken, she rarely tolerated Naruto's lack of physical boundaries. Kakashi was surprised when he glanced back and saw that she hadn't pushed him off like she used to. Now, she looked content to let the boy lean on her. Kakashi smiled behind his mask.

Sasuke, for all of his efforts to look the part of a brooding teenager, followed suit and fell asleep on Sakura's other shoulder. Kakashi almost asked if you would take a picture for him, but thought better of it when he noticed how tensely you were sitting in the passenger seat.

"How did you sleep?" he asked, ignoring your pointed glare.

"I slept fine."

"Mm. I'm glad to hear that."

"Right," you grumbled. The silence that followed was thick with tension, but he was patient. He could wait you out.

"You know, you almost had me fooled."

That wasn't what he was expecting.

"I don't know what you mean."

"This little game," you said venomously, spitting the words out like you couldn't stand to keep them in, "that you think you can play. Making me dependent on you. Acting like it's mutual. I've played it before, but it'll take more than that to manipulate me."

His hands tightened on the steering wheel, head spinning at the accusation. He thought you would've noticed the bags under his eyes that matched yours, though he supposed that you'd barely looked at him since the night before. Still, he'd hoped that you'd built at least a little bit of trust. At the very least, he thought you considered him an ally.

"That's not what I'm doing."

"I don't care, you know," you grumbled, leaving his words ignored, "if you want to use me. I don't care. But you could at least tell me what you want from me."

"I thought we went over this," Kakashi shook his head, "I'm not using you. I don't want to use you. I just want to help."

"And what makes you think I want your help, hm? I didn't ask for it. In fact, I never asked for you to bring me back in the first place. You took me. If you knew what was good for you, you'd drop me off at the next town and forget about me."

Kakashi glanced in the mirror to make sure the argument hadn't woken the kids, but you were staying conscious of your volume despite the anger in your voice.

"Is that what you want?"

The silence that followed gave him his answer. You were glaring at your lap, hands clenched hard around the phone he'd given you.

"Does it matter?" you muttered, "I keep going over it in my head, and every scenario I can think of ends with HYDRA finding me. Sakura doesn't want to acknowledge how dangerous it is for me to be here, but you know what the world is like. I know you do. And you know that it's inevitable that I leave. Whether it's on my own or with Orochimaru is up to me."

He remembered you saying that you would try to stay last night, and he wondered if it had been a lie or if you had changed your mind.

He wondered just how scared you were of letting yourself have a home.

"You know I shouldn't stay. The things I said last night...I wasn't thinking straight. It's dangerous for me to be here. I don't want to bring any more trouble to you and the kids."

"Is that what that was?" Kakashi chuckled, "trying to get me mad so I'd kick you out?"

Your silence was awfully telling. It was giving him more answers than your words did.

"Well, it's not easy to manipulate me either. And Sakura would probably just leave with you if I told you to go," Kakashi noted, glancing back at the girl. She had shifted and was resting her head on Sasuke, mouth open and drool hanging off her lip, "besides, she's just as dangerous, isn't she? HYDRA thinks you're dead, so she's the one they'll be looking for now."

He needed to find the right words. If he did, maybe some of the tension in your shoulders would drain out.

"If I overstepped last night," he said quietly, hoping that talking about such a vulnerable moment wouldn't shut you down, "I apologize."

You both paused when Naruto mumbled something incoherent. You went rigid at the interruption, and Kakashi was almost impressed that you were talking this freely in front of Naruto and Sasuke, even if they were asleep. Maybe you were improving more than he was giving you credit for.

"You touched me."

He closed his eyes. He hadn't meant to make you uncomfortable. It had taken him a long time to get used to the amount of affection that kids wanted, especially after being neglected for so long. But after so long taking care of them, it had almost become a natural instinct to comfort someone with touch.

"I did," he mumbled, suddenly embarrassed that he'd been so presumptuous. Of course you wouldn't want him touching you. Not after everything that Red Room had done to make you associate touch with pain, "I'm–"

"It was nice. It felt...kind."

It was a miracle that Kakashi didn't crash the car. This conversation was full of surprises.

"Orochimaru always saw kindness as weakness," you murmured, voice faraway, "but the Widows didn't always see it that way. When we were younger, before training got intense, we would try to support one another. Kindness didn't become rare until we started training for combat. I even had some friends when I was a kid."

He tried imagining a younger you, and found that he couldn't. He couldn't reconcile the hopelessness that you always seemed to be feeling with the innocence of childhood. Though he supposed that his own childhood hadn't exactly been filled with happy memories.

"Everyone who was kind to me ended up dead. A lot of them died at my hand. Orochimaru didn't want us to be friends. He wanted us to make each other stronger through competition. We were never taught the concept of mercy, so it was always kill or be killed. Only the strongest became Widows. Everyone else was eliminated.

"Kindness always got the people I cared about killed. The only person I was able to save from that fate was Sakura. If she had stayed in the Red Room, it wouldn't have mattered that she was a successful subject for his experiments, or that he could use her as leverage over SHIELD. He would've killed her one way or another. That's why I had to get her out before her...her graduation ceremony. She would've allowed herself to be killed because she understands kindness and mercy in a way that other Widows don't. I couldn't let that happen."

Kakashi didn't want to dwell on the darkness in your tone when you mentioned this "graduation ceremony," and he also didn't want to ask questions when you were already sharing so much with him.

"I can see now why she's so kind. I see that same kindness in you," you muttered, giving him a quick, embarrassed glance. "She always talked about you with so much hope. She said that you would come for her, and that she'd convince you to help me too. She told me that was just who you were.

"You're her hero. And I see why. You're kinder than most people," you said quietly. "I don't want to be the reason that you die."

Kakashi sat in the silence that followed your words and wondered how hard it would be to get his hands on Orochimaru. He wondered how many lives were being torn apart because of his twisted ideals. How many daughters were being given to a monster.

"You don't think you're kind?" he finally asked.

"No, I don't think so," you scoffed, "I've killed a lot of people. People who cared about me. I wouldn't call that kind."

He thought about Obito. He thought about Rin.

"I'm a Widow. That's what I was raised to be, and it's all I'll ever be. That's why I need to leave. Death follows Widows no matter how hard they try to escape it. I thought that I could try to stay and force myself to be something I'm not, but that would be selfish. If I stayed, I would just be hurting all of you in the long run."

"I've killed people, too."

You didn't look up. He took a deep breath.

"I killed my best friend."

The words felt like knives leaving his throat, but he wanted to meet you on even ground. He didn't want you to think that he was any better than you.

You stared at him, and he realized that this was one of the first things he'd shared with you about his life before he took the kids in. It was a life that he had fought desperately to leave behind for their sakes.

"You say I'm kind," he glanced at you. You were already looking at him, "and that you're not. But we've both hurt people that we care about."

Your face twisted, and he could tell that you wanted to argue, but you kept your lips sealed shut.

"It's hard to forgive ourselves for the things we've done. It took me a long time, and some days I feel like I'm back where I started. But then I look at them," he glanced at the backseat fondly, "and I think to myself, 'I found them when they were with people who resented them and hurt them, and they're still some of the best kids I've ever met. If I was able to raise them to hold on to their kindness despite all of the people who hurt them, there must be something good inside of me too.'"

He was having trouble keeping his eyes on the road. He wished he was having this conversation somewhere else, where he could look at you. To make sure that you were hearing what he was trying to say. That you believed the words were true.

"Sakura is kind because that's who she's always been. But she was able to hold onto that kindness in the Red Room because you protected it. That has to mean that there's kindness in you that's worth protecting too."

You shook your head, but he could tell that his words were starting to get through your seemingly impenetrable wall.

"You told me that you'd try," he said, "and I think you meant it."

This threat of HYDRA coming for you was only part of the reason you didn't want to stay. This possibility of a real life away from the Red Room was becoming too real. He could tell that the idea of being free terrified you.

"Just take it all one day at a time. If not for yourself, then for Sakura. Because if you leave, she'll just track you down and drag you back."

Your laugh was quieter this time, but it was real laughter. It was hope.

Arriving back at the compound was somehow more headache-inducing then leaving for it had been. Kakashi hadn't traveled with all of the kids together in four years, but they still acted like the same twelve-year-olds that he remembered with their constant bickering.

Once he got them all inside, he felt some of his tension bleeding away. He'd forgotten how exhausting trips like that could be with so many people jammed in one car.

"Hey. Widow."

Kakashi slumped in defeat at the sound of Sasuke's cold voice. You had been trailing Kakashi into the compound, aimlessly looking for something to do to pass the time, and Kakashi was hoping that you'd be able to sit with him and read Icha-Icha until you went back to sleep and rested for a while. At the very least, he'd been hoping that you would be able to readjust to the compound for a while before Sasuke started more conflicts.

Sasuke's tone was chilly, though that had nearly become a permanent part of his interactions with you. To Kakashi's relief, you looked unfazed by the title as you turned on your heel to face the boy.

"Follow me."

With no more explanation, Sasuke turned and began making his way further into the compound. Kakashi wanted to tell you that you didn't need to indulge in Sasuke's ambiguous request, but when he turned, you had already started following behind the boy.

"Maa, Sasuke," he sighed, "can't we have one day of rest?"

While you weren't sure what to expect when Sasuke stopped in front of a dark room and searched for a light switch, you weren't too surprised when the lights revealed a well-equipped gym.

"Come on," Sasuke nodded towards the middle of the gym where mats were spread out every few feet, all evenly spaced and well-worn. "we're sparring."

You glanced towards the door at Kakashi, who was watching the interaction with interest. Down the hall, Sakura and Naruto were following the sound of Sasuke's commands curiously.

"Sensei, what's going on?"

Sakura's face flushed with anger when Sasuke squared up in front of you. You could hear the disbelief in her tone, and you wished that Sasuke would at least try to be more civil for her sake, but you also understood his unrelenting suspicion.

He was looking at you so furiously, and you found it hard to believe that all of this anger was directed towards you. You vaguely remembered Kakashi mentioning that Sasuke had a brother that he was afraid of, and you wondered if that's who the boy was thinking about right now. Perhaps your intrusion into his life was bringing back unpleasant memories. Or maybe it was the threat that you posed to his family.

When you stepped onto the mat, his attack was immediate. It wasn't the smartest move, but he was likely running on pure emotion. All of his anger at you was finally spilling over, and it was making him sloppy.

Even so, he was a good fighter. His movements were fluid, and he was able to surprise you more than once.

But he was outmatched. You'd been raised to win matches like this.

The fight wouldn't have lasted as long as it did if you'd put your all into it, but it still ended with Sasuke's chest pinned under your knee. He was panting, staring up at you in fury.

"Why did I lose?" he panted after a moment.

You blinked at him, staying crouched at his side when he made no move to stand.

"With more training, you'll improve–"

"No," he snapped, "what did I do wrong? Tell me what I need to do to win."

The kid was determined, you'd give him that. You stood and held a hand out, feeling a small sense of victory when he took it with only a few seconds of hesitation.

"You were letting your emotions guide your actions. While that can be useful in battles of strength, Widows specialize in stealth and agility. You need to be able to focus on every move I make if you want to win. Find the pattern to your opponent's movements. There will always be one. Once you've done that, you can try to exploit it. But you won't be able to find it if you're too focused on being angry."

"Okay," Sasuke gave a short nod and raised his fists, "again."

It took seven more rounds of this for the cycle to break. Naruto had brought a deck of cards to the gym from his room, and he, Sakura, and Kakashi were playing while keeping an eye on you and Sasuke.

"Stop going easy on me," Sasuke growled when you pinned him to the ground for the eighth time. He shoved you away and stood on his own, running a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Alright," you said, "I won't."

Sakura stood at your words and approached the mats nervously, but Sasuke just grinned.

It took about a quarter of the time for you to take him down, but he didn't seem as upset by the outcome this time. In fact, he seemed rather satisfied that you were using your full strength.

"You need to be more flexible with your strategies," you told him when he looked at you expectantly from the floor. "The ones you've developed are good, and they'll serve you well with many opponents, but not with Widows. Fighting elites like the ones trained in the Red Room is like a game of chess. No matter how clever you think your techniques are, once they catch on to the way you move, it becomes about three times easier for them to win. And it won't take long for them to figure you out.

"It's not easy to strategize and fight at the same time, so you'll need to practice until you can predict your opponent's movements based on different factors like where their weight is shifted and what their previous move was. No matter how well-trained someone is, everyone has certain patterns that they fall back on during a fight. When you find it, you have to take advantage. The second you see that your opponent has begun taking on a recognizable form of attack, you can react quickly and catch them off guard."

Sasuke nodded once, then got to his feet again, though he was moving slower now. You hadn't looked at the time since you'd begun, but it had probably been at least an hour.

"I'm done for the day," you waved him off when he raised his fists again, "but you're already improving. You're a quick learner."

"You can keep going," Sasuke bit out, frozen to his spot on the map, "I know you can. You've barely broken a sweat."

"Sasuke–"

You met Sakura's eyes and gave her a subtle shake of your head. Whatever the reason for Sasuke's unrelenting suspicion of you for the past two months, it likely had to do with whatever was going on in his head right now.

When you saw Kakashi looking at you, you tried to read what he was thinking, but he was giving nothing away.

"I didn't say I couldn't," you turned around with a shrug that was likely the cause of his irritated huff, "I just don't want to."

"I don't care," Sasuke spit. "We're going again."

"Why are you so desperate?"

You turned back on your heel and tilted your head at the boy. He looked taken aback, probably too exhausted to recognize the real answers that you were trying to get from him. The way you were attempting to manipulate the boy almost made you feel like Orochimaru. You cut through the thought before you could ponder on it further.

"I'm not desperate. I want to get stronger."

"You've clearly exhausted yourself. Overexerting your muscles isn't good for you, you know."

"No," Sasuke growled. "I haven't. I want to go again."

"Not today," you shook your head, "not unless you can give me a good reason why I should."

"Because we're letting you stay here even though you're more trouble than you're worth," he said with a glare. You ignored the voice in the back of your head telling you that he was right and advanced on him further.

"No, Kakashi's letting me stay here. If it were up to you, I'd have been gone four weeks ago. Try again."

Sasuke was making no efforts to hide how angry he was now, abandoning the progress he'd made during your spars. Now he looked like he wanted to fight you outside of a controlled environment, without Kakashi standing by ready to stop him. You wondered once again if it was really you he was seeing, or if there was someone else he wanted to take his anger out on.

"I need to understand how you were able to keep Sakura safe and get her out when I couldn't even stop her from getting taken," he finally said, though he didn't look happy admitting it to you, "I need to make sure I'm strong enough to beat someone like you. If they come here to hurt the people I care about, I have to be strong enough to stop them."

He was taking on quite a bit on his own, but you knew that you didn't have much room to speak on that issue. Sakura was the only person you'd ever felt that fierce protection for, but you understood his frustration to an extent. At the very least, you understood failure. You understood wanting to make up for failure.

But from where you stood, it looked a lot like Sasuke was punishing himself for his inability to keep Sakura safe.

"Alright," you bent your knees, positioning yourself in front of Sasuke like you each time before in the past hour. His eyes widened before he followed suit, triumphant smirk growing on his lips, "if you win, we'll keep going for as long as you want. We can even pick back up tomorrow if you're not satisfied. But if I take you down first, we stop, and you stop looking at me like I'm the enemy. Deal?"

"Tch. Fine."

This match was admittedly a bit harder that the ones before. While you'd told Sasuke that emotion wasn't the way to win against a Widow, the fury behind his attacks wasn't something to be taken lightly. However, they were sloppily dealt, and his openings were easy to find.

"Alright, then," you said when he was staring up at you from the ground, "that means we're done."

Sasuke looked a little dazed after hitting his head against the mat so many times, but he got to his feet and glanced at you tiredly. He took your outstretched hand with little thought, likely letting himself succumb to exhaustion now that he'd finished sparring for the day. When he began to pull away, you tightened your grip on his hand and pulled him forward so that he was facing you. Your eyes were hard as you stared at him, making sure he wasn't too tired to keep from hearing what you needed to say to him.

"I don't know who you're so angry with," you said lowly, grip tight on his hand, "but you're wasting your energy by placing that anger on me. And if you wanted to get stronger, you could've just asked for my help. A Widow is not a bad ally to have."

He stared at you for a long moment. Then he nodded once and dropped your hand.

You took it for what it was. An acceptance of your olive branch. At the very least, it was one less thing keeping you from staying.

Sasuke left looking significantly calmer than he had when he entered. Following him was a slightly-less angry Sakura and a nervous-looking Naruto who was trying to mediate the argument between the two. You watched them go with a small smile. Maybe now Sasuke could start focusing all of that furious energy where it would be helpful.

It wouldn't hurt to open up to his friends, either.

"Am I...staying in the same room as before?"

You were still looking down the empty hall, watching the kids disappear from view in an effort to keep from looking at Kakashi.

"If you want to," he shrugged, "I don't sleep on the couch here. It's not as cozy."

You didn't want to acknowledge the fear that rushed through you at the idea of spending an indefinite number of days haunted with nightmares, but you also didn't want to admit that being around Kakashi helped so much.

"That's okay," you shrugged, "I wasn't expecting you to."

You cringed at how obvious the lie was.

"Thank you for letting me stay," you turned to him, looking anywhere but his eyes. You felt something sinking in your stomach as you stepped farther away from Kakashi and closer to your nightmares, but you ignored it. You'd spent most of your life sleeping alone. You weren't so weak now that you couldn't handle it anymore.

There was no guarantee that you would always have Kakashi to help you sleep at night. Keeping yourself from becoming dependent on him would only help you in the long run.

Despite the attempts you were making at spinning your solitude into something positive, your fear rocked you to sleep and met you again in your nightmares.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Don't make me hurt her. Please."

"If you won't end it quickly," Kabuto smiled cruelly and pulled a knife from its sheath at his side, "I'll make sure she suffers."

Sakura looked more like a ghost than a person as she sat in front of you, but she was still alive. For now, she was still breathing.

The gun in your hand only had one bullet left. A bullet that was meant for her.

"I'll take her place," you sobbed, falling at Kabuto's feet. The look of disgust on his face was familiar and gut-wrenching. Shame pooled in your stomach.

"You're a traitor," he spat, taking your jaw in one hand and pulling you to your feet, "and this is your penance. We don't need her, so to prove your loyalty, you will take care of the mess that you created."

"Anything else," you begged, "I'll do anything you want, just let her go."

"There's nothing else he wants," Kabuto grinned, cruel and sharp, "you betrayed him after everything he did for you. You threw his kindness away. And for what? Some pathetic attempt at companionship?"

You let out a sob when Kabuto covered your hand with his and curled your fingers tightly around the gun.

"He wants to see you suffer for what you've done," Kabuto grinned wickedly. The hand that he reached towards you almost seemed gentle as it followed the path of your tears down your cheek, but the painless motion ended when he wrapped his fingers around your throat and led you forward. He stopped you when you were back in front of Sakura and dug his nails into the skin of your neck.

"This is what you are," he said quietly, guiding your arm until the gun was pointed at Sakura. She didn't move. She didn't even blink. She just stared at you with the same, empty eyes that you'd seen when she was under Orochimaru's control. Or what you thought was his control.

"You should be proud," his whisper was almost gentle as he covered your hand with his own and turned the safety off with a click, "to serve Orochimaru. He gives you purpose. Show your gratitude."

His hand left yours, but his voice still lingered at your side.

"Don't deny your nature. If you do this, he will allow you back into the Red Room. He will understand that you were simply being led down the wrong path. Correct your mistakes here, and you can come home."

Home. You wanted to be home more than anything.

"Do what you were made for."

The crack of the bullet hitting its target felt like a warm welcome. It felt like a second chance at fulfilling the only purpose you'd ever known.

You woke drenched in sweat and heaving for air. Tears were dried on your face, and you scrubbed at them to rid yourself of the feeling of the salt water pulling at your skin. It felt the same as it had in the dream. You thought you could still feel Kabuto brushing the tears away.

It wasn't a kind gesture. Not like Kakashi's gentle touch had been.

You hadn't fully regained awareness of your surroundings when you stood and stumbled towards your door. You followed the familiar path that you'd taken to Kakashi room before the mission, but stopped with a jolt of nerves as you wondered why you were seeking him out.

What were you doing here? Looking for comfort? Only a couple of months away from the Red Room, and already you couldn't handle sleeping alone.

However, for the first time, your pride was outmatched by your fear. It was consuming you.

You didn't want to be alone.

You knocked quietly on his door. If he had been asleep, it might've been too quiet for him to hear. You almost hoped that he wouldn't open it. At the very least, it would save you from having to explain yourself.

When he did, you were surprised that you felt relief instead of the expected disappointment.

He also looked different than usual.

"You...aren't wearing your mask."

You should've thought of something to say. You probably looked like an idiot, standing at his door and wondering why he would take his mask off to sleep.

"No, I'm not," he said with a small smile. He rubbed a hand over his face, covering most of the skin that was usually hidden by his mask. He felt naked without it, especially when you were looking at him so intently. "Is everything okay?"

"Oh. Yes, it's fine. Sorry to bother you."

The tear tracks on your face told him otherwise. He took your hand to stop you from turning around, noting the way your shoulders went rigid at his touch.

"Do you want to come in?"

No.

You did not want to come in. You wanted to go back to your room. You didn't even know what you were doing here.

You could deal with a few nightmares on your own.

You were stronger than this. Stronger than some fear-driven need to be near another person while you slept.

Nightmares were for children.

You were not raised to be weak.

But...

You were tired. You were so, so tired.

"Yes."

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Author's note | thank you for reading! i'm in the middle of finals right now, but i've had this chapter written for a while, and i had a chunk of time to edit. i have most of the next chapter written as well, so hopefully i can keep getting chapters published regularly. my finals are over on the 15th, so there won't be too long of a wait even if i can't write much in the next week.

anyways, let me know what you guys think of this chapter! i was a bit conflicted about the beginning argument while i was writing it, and it went through significant edits, but i feel like it fits with the readers transition into life with kakashi and the others. don't get used to the hurt/comfort and fluff though, shit hasn't hit the fan yet :) see y'all in the next chapter, and don't forget to leave me some love!

title is from "Fragile" by Laufey