#last poll reblog just launched this into my memory like a fucking catapult

[kinardgo]

im actually quite glad i no longer do drugs, it was kind of a difficult scene to walk away from but im really glad i did it.

that being said, i was much funnier when i was regularly taking mdma on top of anything literally anyone would give me.

i had a friend who i adored so much but really struggled to build the friendship in a meaningful way because we had so little in common but i got extremely high one new years and presented him with a rock as a late christmas present. now, this was not a special rock. not a crystal, or volcanic, nothing like that. just a straight up rock i saw on the ground while walking my friends dog.

and i agonised for hours about this rock for hours. literally all night with it in my pocket, terrified it wasn't good enough, wasn't pretty enough, wasn't perfect enough for this random dude i had maybe had five actual conversations with. but i followed him awkwardly around this house party all night until i finally shoved it in his hands, beyond petrified id somehow disappointed him.

he wasn't disappointed. he was actually quite pleased with it. maybe because he was also on a lot of drugs.

but anyway i got so paranoid after the comedown hit that i churned out 2k of WWE RPF fanfic as an additional gift to him despite having literally zero indications he read fanfic or was even remotely okay with reading it, and despite the fact that my comedown made my head feel like it was splintering trying to look at the screen. he seemed pleasantly surprised yet underwhelmed by the fic.

at no point during this process did i stop and consider that a) maybe i shouldn't so aggressively pursue a friendship with this guy i have so little in common with or b) that any of this might come across as strange.

anyway i no longer take drugs. i also don't advocate for taking drugs, especially not in the quantity and with the disregard for general safety i did in my early twenties. i much prefer myself now. but it's still deeply funny to think about.