#last pic don is so fucking tired so done

[mubbyjo]

im getting to that point where i can sorta kinda just sit down n start drawing them with whatever comes to mind, which is nice! doesn't mean im going to be consistent about how they look but i think it's the thought that counts, right

[aliceaddellheidde]

Fatum

A/N: This is for @the-ss-horniest-book-club  Lucky in love. March 15 - In The Cards.

WORDS: 1458

WARNINGS: talking about sex

PAIRING: Bucky Barnes x reader (eventually) {Soulmates AU}

DISCLAIMERS: Endgame happened, but only Thanos and his peasants died. English isn´t my first language so sorry for mistakes.

Moi, Rai and Parca are genderless & are using they/their pronouns.

This is soulmates au. When you get tattoo, your soulmate gets it as well on same spot. It glows when you touch.

This is multi-chapter story. 9/19

I took a bath with robo fishes (cuz I'm 5 😅) and got ideas 🤯

Pic from here (I had to 🤤)

Divider by @rainbowkisses31

Bucky had no idea why you screamed at him. Why were you angry? He did nothing. He wasn't happy you were dating Declan, but he was sure it wasn't his fault that your date went bad. He could hear you crying in your bedroom but was afraid to go there. What he would say to you anyway?

He was waiting for his bacon to be done when smiling Sam ran to him. „Look Buck, look!” He turned around and Bucky just now realized he didn't have a t-shirt. Then small white tattoo caught his eyes. „You got yourself a tattoo?” „No man, it appeared during night! Here, take a pic of it so I can send it on soulmates page.” „Take a what?” Sam gave him his phone. „Press that white button and take nice picture. C'mon man, it's not that hard.” Bucky rolled his eyes. „Fine, I'll do it but don't call me Buck. Only Steve can do it.” „Yeah, yeah. Hurry up.” Bucky clumsily took pic. Sam said his thanks and ran to his bedroom.

Bucky turned to his breakfast in the pan only to be interrupted by Steve and Natasha. Both laughing and clinging to each other. He tried to ignore them. „Good morning Buck.” said Steve, making coffee. „Hi.” he mumbled. „Do you know why was Sam so happy?” „He found out he has a soulmate. Got a tattoo.” Steve stopped in midway of mixing his coffee and looked at his friend. „Really? That's great! How does it look like?” „Bird.” „Like a falcon?” Natasha asked. „Don´t know. Don’t care.” Bucky took his plate and cup and walked away from the kissing couple. Before he walked into his room he saw Y/N going out of her room. She looked tired, oversize t-shirt on, pale face and unkempt hair. He wanted to hug her, but she totally surprised him when she said good morning to him with small smile as she was passing him. „Hi.” he replied. He watched her until she turned behind the corner.

After your breakfast you changed and ran to Sam´s room when he screamed. „What's the problem?” He hugged you and turned around with you. „Absolutely nothing. I just have a date with my soulmate!” You were watching him in shock. „How?” „It happened last night.” „Can I see it?” He lifted his t-shirt and turned his back to you. „It´s beautiful.” „I know, right? Now I have to get ready.” „I'm leaving anyway.” „Going to make things right with Declan?” You blushed. „Maybe.” „Good luck.” „You too.”

It took you fifteen minutes to get into cafe where Declan was waiting for you with two coffees. You said awkward hellos and sat down. „I'm glad you said yes to meeting me.” „Sure.” „Look, I know that our last date wasn't good and I´m sorry I made you feel guilty. But I have my fair share on that night too.” „Because you … .” „Yeah.” You nodded. „It happens sometimes.” „I know. Mine was from different reason.” He pulled out his phone and showed you picture of beautiful butterfly tattoo. „You found your soulmate?” You felt small pang of jealousy. „Uhhm.” His face was red now. „Actually it happened when we had sex. That's why I … you know. It was shock for my body. When you left I went to shower and found it.” „That's amazing.” You smiled through pain. „Do you know who they are?” „No. I uploaded it only this morning. No answer yet.” In that moment his phone vibrated. He read the message and his expression changed. „Her name is Vanessa.” he said to you with beaming smile. „Is it ok with you if I write to her now?” „Go ahead.” He quickly wrote something and then turned his attention back to you. „And what about you?” „What about me?” „Did you speak to Bucky?” „No. Nobody knows what happened.” „What if he's the one you are looking for?” „I doubt it.” „Why?” „I got my memories about him back thanks to you and our accident.” „Wau! It´s good, isn´t it?” „Kinda. We were not that good friends. Mostly pulled pranks on each other.” „But you have to feel something more for him when our sex brought memories back.” „Even if, it can´t work.” „Why?” „Because he's idiot! Always in my face, thinking he's batter than me, showing off his skills and other stuff. He makes me so angry sometimes.” „My mom would sit you in same room until you would figure it out. You should try it.” „Not gonna happen.” „I forgot how stubborn you are.” You both laughed. „We almost kissed twice.” you whispered. „And my besties think we would be nice couple.” Declan finished his coffee and looked you in the eyes. „And you still underestimate it? You are crazy.” „I don’t think he wants someone like me anyway.” „Just don’t be surprised if one day you both will have same tattoo.” he smirked. „I have to go now. I´m happy you let me explain that night to you. At least we know it wasn't our fault.” „Yop. Good to know.” „Oh, I almost forgot. Got your coat.” „Thanks.” You said your goodbyes and you went back home with smile on your face.

You knocked on Bucky's door. He opened after moment. „Can I come in?” you asked nervously. „Sure.” He let you in and you sat on his bed. „What's up?” „I want to apologize to you. I shouldn’t scream at you last night. You did nothing wrong.” „I knew it. Did Declan something to you?” „No. But something happened and I have my memories about you back.” You smiled at him. „Really? That's great!” He was more excited than you expected. „I'm sorry it took my so long.” „Don´t worry doll. It´s not important now.” He hugged you and lightly kissed top of your head. You didn't even noticed. „Does it mean I can pull pranks at you again?” „Don´t you dare!” You pushed him away. „Be ready. We are starting tomorrow!” „Fuck you Borky!” You left his bedroom, laughing. „I would rather fuck you doll.” he said to himself.

Steve was cooking lunch while Bucky was on his laptop. „Sam called. He will come with his girlfriend for dinner. I hope you will be in better mood.” „I'm great Steven.” he said sarcastically. „Y/N has finally back all memories about me.” „I told you Buck.” „Yeah, yeah.” „At least now you can be happy. Declan wasn't her soulmate after all.” „How do you know?” Bucky turned his head so fast his neck cracked. Steve laughed too much for his friend liking. „I told him.” said Natasha when she walked in the kitchen. „Of course.” Bucky rolled his eyes. Girls tell each other everything. „It´s your time to find someone old man. Only you, Bruce and Y/N are still single.” „What do you expect of me? To go to tattoo salon right now?” „Yes!” „Not a chance!” „Oh Bucky, don’t you want it?” He was quiet for a minute. „I don’t know for sure. Who would like to be with someone like me?” „Everybody has a soulmate. I feel yours will show in near future.” spoke Wanda as she came with Vision and you. „What are you now? Prophet?” He was a bit harsher then he wanted to be. „Sorry Wan.” She nodded and sat next to her boyfriend. You sat next to Bucky, but he was deep in his thoughts. Why did Wanda say it? Does she really know something? Is he ready to let someone in his life? What if his soulmate will not accept him?

After lunch you stopped him before he could disappear into his room and gave him plastic box. „Have fun.” you smiled. He opened it and found few robo fishes he gave you when you were sad to bath with. He had no idea why you did it, but he felt warm feeling in chest from it.

You all were nicely dressed, sitting in living room. Sam walked out of elevator hand in hand with beautiful woman. He smiled at her and they both walked up to you. „I wanna introduce you my soulmate, Aderyn.” She looked nervous. You introduced first and others followed you. During dinner you found out she's zoo worker with birds of prey. „No surprise your tattoo is a falcon.” Steve smirked. You were having great time and was happy that Bucky seemed relaxed.

But as soon as Aderyn left Steve and others couldn’t stop talking about their soulmates so you and him rather ran away. You said good night to him and after long two months you fell asleep with head full of Bucky.

Next chapter 18.3.2021

What was I listening to while writing this chapter 🤣 (not in English)

[ain-t-bovvered]

15X11 Commentary

I’M AN ASSHOLE THAT FORGOT I STILL HAD THIS EPISODE TO FINISH LOL.

Bunch of tired and caffeinated Europeans ( plus a sleepy American) scream together, and then die and try to get on with their day ( lol AS IF)

@smol-and-grumpy​​​ (Nat)

@dean-winchesters-bacon​​​  (Kat)  

@waywardbaby​​  (Zee)

@ain-t-bovvered  (Giulia)

Nat: 3

Nat: 2

Nat: 1

Nat: go

Giulia: lol that tapping tho

 Zee: The hissing again

Giulia: Didn t need the hiss

Nat: All good thing must come to an end

Nat: Ew

Giulia: This song tho

Nat: "Big Sam left Seattle"

Zee: He’s too mousy

Giulia: DADDY

Zee: Oh the snacc

Zee: Tf?

Nat: Ah

Giulia: AAAH JEEZ

Nat: Yum

Giulia: he had to have that deep voice. Damn

Nat: Who dat

Zee: Of course

Giulia: Yummy

Giulia: I hope the Winchester won’t kill him

Giulia: Wow

Zee: Ouch

Zee: Welcome

Giulia: MY BABY

Nat: Ah the other daddy

Giulia: LOVE HIM

Zee: When did his voice get so deep?

Nat: snorts, they really went right

Giulia: WHY DIDN T THEY USE THE PHONE

Zee: Silent mode

Nat: SILENT MODE IS ALWAYS AN OPTION.   I AGREE

Giulia: what a dad

Zee: Old school bitches

Nat: That smolder

Giulia: Change your diet

Zee: Damn. Does he really sound that deep?

Giulia: Jensen doesn t

Nat: Jensen doesn't but he does have a loud voice

Giulia: Compensating for last time’s kick

Giulia: HEWWO

Giulia: Agent Watts

Nat: Working a Case in Alaska

Giulia: Lizzo

Nat: I'm too old for this shit

 Zee: Jack

Giulia: AAAAAH BB

Nat: WHAT

Giulia: AWE BABE

Nat: BABY

Giulia: AWE

Giulia: DON T

Giulia: MY HEART

 Giulia: THAT FUCKING UGH

Giulia: WOW

 Nat: LOL

Zee: Stop shouting y’all

Nat: WE'RE ON A BUDGET

Giulia: wow

Nat: Two forks

Nat: awe

 Zee: Awe poor babies

Giulia: Snort he’s lactose intolerant 

Nat: I feel you Dean

Zee: Nuts is good

Giulia: Nuts is good

Giulia: Yeah

Nat: NUTS IS GOOD

Zee: He should shut his face

Giulia: Yeah you are

Giulia: THAT POUT

Nat: Sort of an accident. Yeah

Giulia: DEAN CONTROL YOUR FACE

Giulia: sounds like a job for them

 Nat: OH NO

Giulia: OH UH

Zee: He’s so done

Giulia: aaah not ready for cas reaction

Nat: CAS IS DONE

Giulia: AAAAH

Zee: I mean you can stab him but not baby

Zee: Oh shit

Nat: WHAT

Giulia: AW JACK

Nat: NO

Giulia: I DON T UNDERSTAND

Nat: WHY

Giulia: oh ok

Zee: A heart?

Nat: NO

Nat: JACK BB

Giulia: Lol those bar are always the same tho

Zee: Tf is that coin ?

Nat: Winchesters are broke

Zee: Two waters

Giulia: Waters

Nat: Two waters

Nat: PAX

Zee: Pax

Giulia: PAX

Nat: PAX THE SNAXX

Giulia: TO THE MAXX

Giulia: look at him

Nat: so deep

Zee: What she said

Giulia: He’s getting me distracted

Nat: touch it

Zee: Touch it

 Giulia: TOUCH IT

Nat: i'd love to

Giulia: don t mind if I do

Giulia: Average

Zee: Control your fucking lips

Nat: lol of course "keep playing"

Zee: Is this the deep voice ep?

Nat: It's probably a criteria to be cast

Giulia: Can he stop with his hands

Nat: I know

Giulia: When he was 4

Nat: Swinging clubs before you were born snorts

Zee: Between naps and snacks

Giulia: The triangle right

Nat: you saw it too. THANK GOD

Giulia: of course. 

My eyes went : ZOOOOOM

still me: 

Nat: I swear it was on purpose

Giulia: He’s so strong

Giulia: Oh

Zee: I think I miss important

Nat: What

Nat: that fucking smolder

Nat: stop your lips

Giulia: Yeah

Nat: fuck off

Giulia: What she doesn’t say

 Nat: oh oh

Giulia: I DON T LIKE IT

Zee: Lots of hands close-ups, I ain’t complaining

Giulia: ah

Giulia: Sam

Nat: Bundles of eggs?

Giulia: Witch hex bags

Giulia: IT’S REALLY NOT

Nat: ah

Zee: Does she really not know ?

Nat: OH, she knows

Giulia: Where is the snac

Zee: should have walked away

Zee: There’s one

Nat: What

Giulia: Ah

Giulia: MY OTHER BABY

Giulia: MURDER BABY

Nat: Wha does Jack want

Giulia: hearts

Zee: But why?

Nat: I'm on a roll

Zee: Sucks you in

Giulia: What he said

Nat: OnE mORe GamE

Giulia: I heard Daddy out of dean’s mouth and im not ok

Zee: I’m dying here

Giulia: NICE

Nat: He's so full of himself

Giulia: KICK MY ASS TOO

Giulia: SO COCKY

 Zee: Smack is better

Giulia: NO KICK IT

Nat: oh no

Giulia: AWE

Zee: Rodeo

Giulia: are we spending this whole ep with jazz music and pool

Nat: Sam so proud

Zee: Hell of an ep

Giulia: Stop that tongue

Nat: Apparently not

Nat: OH shit

Nat: He ded

Zee: The crinkles

Zee: I’m dead

Giulia: Dean will be happy

Nat: Dean won't like this. He just involuntarily killed a man

Giulia: Yup

Zee: Great

Nat: shit

Giulia: Yup

Giulia: Awe Sam

Nat: Sam's always so righteous

Giulia: Well he actually doesn’t seem so bummed

Zee: Annoyingly so sometimes

Giulia: Baby treat me right

Giulia: AWE HE GOT IT RIGHT

Nat: No, because he's really set to beat Chuck

Giulia: yeah

Zee: Awe his face

Giulia: SNORT

Nat: Ah Cas showed his badge right?

Giulia: yeah

Nat: Did ya see?

Nat: He was holding it up the wrong way?

Giulia: .

Giulia: PAX

Nat: She's the one who played you, Dean!

Giulia: the fuck he is

Giulia: Dark castiel?

Zee: A what ?

Giulia: With that black trench coat

Zee: I want cas dressed like that

Giulia: He should have had the black trench. In the promo he was

Giulia: Ok but how is Jack alright now 

Nat: Billy got work for him

Zee: Hello

Giulia: HEY SNACC

Nat: See. It's her

Giulia: AWE SO YUMMY

 Nat: He's bulkier than Dean

Nat: I CAN ALWAYS MAKE MORE SONS

Giulia: Can I be in that sandwich tho

Nat: A beach read?

Zee: Beach read

Giulia: Beach read

Giulia: Wow

Nat: YES YOU ARE BABY

Giulia: AHAHAHAHAHAH

Nat: TOLSTOY

Giulia: TOLSTOY

Nat: Tell her

Giulia: don t touch sam

Giulia: OF COURSE SAM

Zee: Oh come on

Giulia: HEY STOP THAT

Zee: Thanks for the recap

Giulia: so tired of people hurting my innocent baby ok

Nat: Jack's not afraid because he knows that he's gonna come back

Giulia: Completely innocent

Giulia: U like children

Giulia: Yuck

Giulia: Kill him

Nat: YEAH you fucking pedo

Giulia: AAAAAH

Giulia: DAD

Nat: so billy sends Jack out to kill those

Giulia: NICE

Zee: Dad to the rescue

Giulia: I AM NOT PREPARED

Nat: That eyebrow

Zee: We could use some more light

Giulia: SOB

Nat: Sammy you got this

Giulia: He is so worried

Zee: So focused

Nat: Liver failure... and she looks at Dean lol

Giulia: Liver failure

Zee: THE god

Giulia: Little guy

Giulia: Squirrley as hell

Zee: Welcome to the club

Nat: When you apes climbed down from the trees... aw

Giulia: Thanks

Giulia: Oh this is actually interesting tho

Nat: Get her on board and then go against Chuck

Zee: She knows Chuck

Nat: I mean

Giulia: All the gods

Zee: And when you lose

Nat: Dean lol

Giulia: YAS SAM

Zee: Learnt from my brother

Giulia: No stop it

Nat: NO

Giulia: NO

Zee: There’s always a catch

Nat: DON'T

Giulia: STOP

Zee: They will say yes

Giulia: OF COURSE

Nat: WHY DID KNOW THAT SAM WOULD SAY YES

Giulia: AWE SAM

Giulia: not to the Winchesters

Zee: 15 years

Nat: Ok, but now beat her alright

Giulia: SUCH HEROES

Nat: But like, she fucking lives in a pool hall. What are the odds

Giulia: I ‘m sick of this music and pool tho

Nat: Hate it

Nat: NO

Giulia: Of course

Nat: Are they gonna die

Zee: Fuck

Zee: They can’t yet

Giulia: Thanks

Nat: Ah right, still 9 episodes to go

Nat: Our luck will do that on its own

Giulia: Awe

Nat: Wait what

Zee: She let them out

Giulia: Sob

Zee: Our kind

Nat: Awe

Nat: She helps them

Zee: Make him play yours

Giulia: Make him play yours

Zee: Mojo back

Giulia: Awe are they back to normal

Nat: Awe

Zee: Yes

Nat: Good

Giulia: Dean stuffing his mouth with cheese

Nat: Scratcher

 Nat: lol

Zee: Porn

Giulia: Sob

 Giulia: What was that high note lol

Nat: Back to back double cheese burgers

Nat: Oh oh

Zee: Wait for it

Nat: Oh oh

Giulia: can t wait for jack

Nat: Oh Oh

Nat: OOOHHHHH

Giulia: SOB

Giulia: HEWWO

Nat: AAAAHHHHHH

Zee: So much hurt

Giulia: AAAAAAAAAAAH

Giulia: SAAAAM

Nat: I didn't think I would cry

Giulia: SOB

Giulia: NO

Giulia: STOP DEANP

Giulia: HE LOOKS AT CAS

Zee: Our son is back

Giulia: SOB

Zee: And you let him?

Nat: every day I wanted to come HOME

Giulia: awe Jack bb

Giulia: Grandfather

Nat: He's afraid of me.

Giulia: YES HE IS

Nat: JACK WILL BECOME THE NEW GOD

Giulia: OF COURSE

Giulia: but they just said that there can’t be no god

Zee: So it won’t be the Winchesters?

Nat: It's plausible that Jack will take over.

Nat: He's not God-god. He's Jack-god.

Nat: Ok, so promo then I need to leave

Giulia: UGH

Giulia: if don’t come I’m dead

Giulia: ...same

Giulia: Snort

Giulia: I need Jesus

Nat: What I say

Zee: March 16!

Zee: Hate it

Nat: Sob

Zee: It’s been established

Giulia: I just wish they could change the finale date

Zee: I mean why do they have to drag it like that?

Giulia: There are festivities or some shit idk

Giulia: The superbowl?

Giulia: Whatever

Zee: Oh that shit is on?

Zee: We have a month and a half to find a solution

Nat: There. He showed it the wrong way first?

Zee: Yeah he did

Zee: Lovely dork

Giulia: Ah shit I was writing here and look after he turned it around

Zee: Me too

Nat: Yes hi hello, this is Pax the Snaxx

Zee: Yes hi hello

Giulia: Fuck

Zee: I didn’t ask for this

Nat: Apparently, I don't care

Zee: Apparently you’re a bitch

Nat: Apparently, he's not been always a snaxx

Nat: Because

Nat: snorts

Giulia: Aaaaand it’s gone

Giulia: I love beards, my god

Zee: So fucking vanilla

Giulia: I can’t taste anything

Giulia: This tho?

....the flavour is amazing

Giulia: Yum

Zee: I can’t complain about this flavor either

Zee: Nat started chaos and now she’s sitting somewhere laughing like the evil bitch she is

Nat: No, like I've seen other pics of him and I will spare it for you. But like in the ep he's a damn fucking main course

.

.

.

If you want to get tagged send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby​ or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @wayward-angelgirl​​​  @destiel-honeypie​​​      @mariekoukie6661​​​      @dragontamerm​​​       @closetspngirl​​​    @rainflowermoon​​​     @mattiecat​​​       @bunnybaby121115​​​  @aliaitee2​​    @jacks-word-of-the-day​​​     @4evamc​​​       @dammitsammy​​​     @legendary-destiel​​​   @winchesterprincessbride​​​    @destielhoneybee​​​​    @castiellover20   @ravenhg​​​ @evvvissticante​​​ @emoryhemsworth​​​​ @markofdean79​​​ @janndishsstuff​

[arguedquill1226]

Hollowed Heroes

chapter one (18+, MINORS DO NOT READ)

Summary: BuckyBarnes x FemaleReader-you have a unpolished past but you want a true chance at doing good in the world, to redeem yourself. Oh! And you happen to live and work with the Avengers sense the fall of shield while doing it... everything changes one day when Steve brings home a stray. What can the future hold for you and the team? Will this change the dynamic of missions? Will this stray be the answer to some of your darkest secret? Only time will tell...

Word count: 2,790ish

Taglines: 18+, Marvel AU, angst, explicit language, cursing (more to come as it gets deeper into the story)

Notes: Hi everyone! This is my first ever post of AU Marvel fanfic so please be gentle LOL...in short I've flipped some of the canon facts around like Sam and Steve got really close while shield is still in operation but age of Ultron happened before the triskelion incident in DC. So the facts are still the same but flipped or altered to work for my AU timeline. I'll try to fill in the differences as we go along with the fanfic, but I'mma Bebe writer so bare with me and my terrible grammar and punctuation XD so I apologize ahead of time! Also I do my own photo edits but I get a lot of the pictures of of Pinterest so all the credit goes to the OG poster of those pics...Happy reading & Hope y'all enjoy!

PS. I post from a mobile device so sorry for filling your feed and no keep reading option 😢

Updated on January 22, 2021

••••••••••

Chapter one-

First Impressions…

Tired and your eyes are burning. You casually lean against the wall with your knee bent and foot pushed on a piece of industrial paneling in an open debriefing room surrounded by soft sunlight and windows. It’s fairly early in the morning and you’re zoning out looking at the rich wooden floor while Tony drowns on for what felt like the 10th time on how you and Nat’s night op went and what the information you gathered meant for the “big picture.”

You had completely understood the gist of what he was trying to explain the first time he went over it. But when he gets on a roll with an audience, you know better than to interrupt him or let your sarcasm get the best of you. You and Nat were beat but the others had shown up late to the debrief so you just thought about getting out of your gear and hitting the rack for a few. The room was fairly quiet, with only Tony talking. So it wasn't hard to hear down the corridor a heavy set of metal doors close calmly with an mild echo…a side effect of having such wide open spaces on the operations level of the Avengers compound.

The noise had jarred you out of your dazed thought patterns. When you looked up, it had dawned on you that not everyone you'd had expected to see was in the meeting.

Steve.......where is Steve? Was your initial thought.

You and Steve had gotten close over the last 10 months sense Nat had brought you into the fold a little while before S.H.I.E.L.D fell. About as close as him a Nat. Sam had always joked with you 3 about being “the three musketeers” on ops. But you didn’t care because it was all in fun and was kind of true. You all had your particular skill sets, but also some skills that we’re similar. So it was easy to fall into step with each other.

It was then, you could hear hushed voices right outside the door frame to the room. Within seconds Steve and another man obscured slightly behind his right shoulder had entered, quietly sliding over to lean on the opposite wall from you hoping to not interrupt Tony you had guessed. He'd seemed to notice you following their movements with curious eyes and gave you a kind nod that you returned with a saw smile.

You glanced over quickly at the stranger. He was about as tall as Steve but thicker with broader shoulders. Dark, unkempt hair came down to his jawline obscuring his main features along with the black ball cap he was donning. He wore an Army green utility jacket over a light blue plaid shirt, denim jeans with boots. Dressed very mundane, perhaps too much. What struck you as especially odd was the fact that he was wearing black leather gloves out of season for upstate New York. It was early autumn, still fairly warm outside.

Steve had backed out of this last mission with you and Nat to deal with what he would only describe as a “personal matter,” so you started to wonder if this man had anything to do with that. Steve had explained how he had full confidence in you two to handle a simple stakeout/smash and grab on our own. So neither of you pressed him for more info and wished him luck.

A few seconds later, Tony had finished and everyone was content with all the information given and was about to stand when Tony, being snarky, acknowledged Steve finally showing up to the meeting.

“So nice of you to join us, we were helpless without you Cap!” Tony stated while waving his finger at our fearless leader dripping with sarcasm.

“Sorry Tony, I was hoping to be here earlier to talk to you.” He said a little unsure of Tony’s reaction to the stranger he glanced back at.

At that action, Tony seemed to register something in his memory. Possibly something him and Steve had discussed in private you wondered. Possibly something about this strange man who seem to be fairly familiar to you but you couldn't place him…By this time, everyone but Nat and Sam was staring back at Steve and the stranger waiting for an explanation. Those two seem to know something you and the others didn't. Nat looked at you out of the corner of your eye.

Who was he?...you wondered.

•••••••••••••••

He was nervous walking through the double doors in the corridor leading to a room that he could hear some guy rambling on, the voice sounded vaguely familiar. Looking back at the exit while the doors echoed shut behind them, Steve assured him that he wouldn’t let anything get out of hand and would explain everything to the group who may not understand or be upset that he had found the man Steve new long ago and was bringing him home like some lost pup...which Bucky hated to think of it like that but the man was damn determined and stubborn for him to come back with him. Bucky knew this team was established to do good in the world but he didn’t know if his presence would upset their carefully built dynamic.

Steve had left 3 weeks ago on a solo op that he was quiet about any details to most of the team but Sam and Tony knew. And Nat guessed it when she had seen the three in an incognito meeting disgusting details on a large timeline display of information Friday, Tony’s helpful A.I., had up about the ghost from more than just Steve’s past. Even with how close Steve, Nat and You are…you all have your individual secrets and knowledge that hasn’t come up in conversation. And Steve didn’t know that you had your own run in with the man he was about to walk through the door with right now. But Nat did know, but choose to not tell you this fact and may be regretting it that the moment. But it wasn’t her secret to tell Steve so how was she supposed to explain to him that not everyone may be okay with this.

Nat had warned Steve once at the cemetery when she gave him a copy of the file from Kiev. But she did it again a second time that evening. Before he and Sam left to find his oldest friend. He had promised to take what she said to heart and to not push Bucky or the others into anything they weren’t comfortable with. But they left anyways. Sam had returned alone 8 days after they left and only would say “it went as well as could be expected and Steve (more likely, Bucky) just needed some more time.”

In that time away, the boys found Bucky on a tip from the Smithsonian video feeds and CCTV which of course Bucky didn’t know was a thing. So it wasn’t hard to track him down and they found him in a seedy motel living on stolen credit cards, junk food from gas stations and a few random notebooks looking so lost. They had only left a note on the door to his room, letting Bucky know they wouldn’t bother him. But they added a phone number and that they could help him learn about his past, if he wanted. He thought about it for days before he called the man from the museum exhibition, the one everyone called ‘Captain America.’ He was starting to remember flashes of memories and feelings over the last few months away from Hydra's grasp, but couldn’t seem to make sense of them on his own. So he said, “fuck it!” And met the two men he recognized from that awful day in Washington DC.

•••••••••••••

They did help but his mind was far from perfect and he felt like an exposed nerve walking through the door to the room.

Fuck, so many people!

So he ducked his head and stayed near Steve. Even though he only knew the man for a few short weeks, he felt like he could trust Steve unconditionally which wasn’t a feeling he was used to. He recognized the guy talking as the famous Tony Stark or aka ‘Ironman.’ He was grateful when Tony didn’t really draw attention to him directly and chose instead to pick on Steve.

Bucky took the opportunity to scan the room. An old habit from all the Hydra training or maybe from howling commando days. That wasn’t clear to him yet. He seen some faces that were confused or apprehensive. Two he recognized to be Sam and a girl he thought was named Natalia, he’d hoped she didn’t completely want to shoot him for what he tried to do to her in DC and whatever else he may have done. She didn’t look upset though. She looked unsure, then glanced to a quiet girl he hadn’t noticed until he followed Nat’s eye line.

It was you, a beautiful girl nonchalantly leaning on the wall in a “back of the class” kind of way. With long, YC hair that was a bit wild from the long night and deep YC eyes with messy black smoky eyeshadow that resembled war paint. Dressed in all black, holsters and straps. She wasn’t like Natalia dressed in a sleek look though, more apocalyptic and organic. Weathered Moto pants, combat boots and a loose fitted, faded black tank top that had a worn group of holes reminiscent of bird shot where your utility belt buckle rubs against the material. Your jacket discarded on the floor haphazardly by your feet. Almost familiar to someone or something he’d seen before…wait………..yes……definitely someone………..shit… and the memory slips away…

Bucky was completely stunned by how beautiful you are. But he didn’t want to seem like a creep so he kept his glance short before looking back at Natalia and Sam. He had completely ignored what Steve was saying to his friends, being stuck in his thoughts when he heard Tony say,

“This is James Barnes everybody. Don’t be afraid to say ‘Hi' and remember to show him to his room later, will ya Cap?”

“He prefers Bucky actually,” Steve says nodding his head to the rest of the group “and I will. Thanks again for understanding Tony.”

By this time, Vis, Wanda, Tony, Maria, Rhodey and Clint began filling out of the door past Steve and Bucky with quick greetings and smiles in a hurry to get to their priorities for the day…whatever those were. You found yourself smiling and wanting to giggle at the thought of Clint’s main mission probably being to eat the last donuts in the kitchen of the compound, when you realized Nat had walked up to you and Sam had joined Barnes and Steve by the door. Nat was obviously trying to block his view of you for some reason. As good as she was executing a distraction, she should’ve known better as that was one of your many skill sets too.

That’s when you realized Barnes kept his head coy but was glancing at you periodically over Nat’s shoulder. It wasn’t hard to see because you were slightly taller than Nat so she couldn’t really block him from looking your way. It struck you differently than it usually does when someone stares at you. Normally, you cringe and feel awkward in a personal setting with someone staring at you. But this time it’s like his eyes are drawing you into a trap. His eyes…holy fuck, you hadn’t noticed his eyes. Before they were hidden under the bill of his hat but now they’re looking directly into yours and they’re the brightest slate blue color. You easily spot them from over 15 feet away.

Nat notices your eye contact and she scoops up your jacket and shoves it lightly to your chest. You grab it while she simultaneously hooks her elbow around yours and leads you out of the room. On your way by the three men, she smiles and says,

“see you boys at the gym later.”

Bucky follows you and Nat’s path with his eyes as you hang a left leading into the section that has the hanger bay on your right heading to the elevators on the left that will take you up to the living quarters. He turns back to Sam and Steve to find them looking at him.

“Don’t worry, YourNickName isn’t anyone you need to worry about. She’s actually really cool.” Sam says with a smug smile on his face like he noticed something.

Bucky repeated, “YNN?”

“Ya, it’s short for YFirstN. She’s been working with us for a while now but she’s still kind of the new here too. Now, how about a tour?” Steve added.

Bucky nodded in agreement and they walked out of the room heading in the same direction as you two did. Hoping he may run into you again while Sam and Steve kept pointing out what different sections of the compound were used for.

•••••••••••••

After you and Nat we're a little ways away from the debriefing room, she started some small talk about how nice a hot shower would feel right now and you agreed wholeheartedly. But stepping into the elevator, you couldn't shake the feeling that you wanted to go back and properly say hi to the new guy Bucky and welcome Steve back.

Nat told you with a smile sensing your thoughts, “don't worry, we will see Steve later at the gym. And later for movie night. You know how Tony gets if we don't show up for his events, we should catch up on our sleep now so we're not late.”

You giggle, “events?... It’s a movie Nat.”

“Ya, but Rogers is back and brought Barnes with him so now he’s going to go overboard and really make it a picture show.”

“Yep…agreed. It’ll be a whole thang now!” you say over exaggeratedly with you hands and jacket waving back and forth while rolling your eyes. “Hopefully he doesn’t plan on showing anything Charles Chaplin for our sakes!” you yell jokingly while turning away and jogging down the hall. You hear Nat belly laugh before you both duck into your rooms for some much needed R&R.

It doesn’t take you long to peel your gear off and start the shower. It starts to whistle due to the steaming hot water shooting out of the head while you bun your hair on the top of your head and flop your towel over the rod. Ready for the inevitable soap in your eye somehow because you’re secretly a total klutz. You turn the water down a tad and start your music on your phone and jump in while you start to sing along.

You’re clean and relaxed in no time at all so you shut off the shower and hop out, throw on a tank and shorts and turn the music down a bit. When you walk out of the bathroom you hear a familiar voice pass by your door. It’s Steve saying, “and your room is right here, mine’s just down the hall and Sam’s is around the corner if you need anything.”

A door in the hall latches softly, then…… silence. You open your door to hopefully catch Cap before he runs off and he’s already in front of your door. His hand up looking prepared to knock and eyebrows raised with a smile on his face when he sees you.

“Hey!” he boasts.

“Hey you!” you reach for a quick hug and he gladly accepts. “We all missed you.”

“Well I’m back now. So you don’t need to anymore. Listen, can I ask you a favor?” he asks with a grin.

“Of course!”

“I hope you don’t mind but…uh…I gave Bucky the room next to yours. And I know you don’t really know him…or anything…I guess what I’m asking is, if you see him out and about can you help make him feel welcome…I figured sense you’re still kind of new maybe…” He tries to explain while rubbing the back of his neck and looking shy.

But you hold up your hand to stop his awkwardness and say, ”yeah, of course Steve. Anything for ya.”

“That great, thanks YN, you rock!” he says beaming.

“Not a prob. Now unless you have any better uses for my bed you’d like to personally show me?” you tease with a sarcastically sultry expression to see if he blushes.

“Uhhh…I…” he totally does.

“That’s what I thought,” you giggle and shoo him off. “I’m hitting the rack, night Stevie!”

“But it’s day!” he jokes as he head down the hall as you shut your door.

You climb into bed thoroughly enjoying the thought of how your sense of humor and Steve’s reservoir of pent-up 1940s sass effortlessly fits together. Within seconds of getting comfy and turning off your tunes, you’re out.

Chapter Two coming soon... Masterlist here

***if you liked this please feel free to let me know with a *reblog or ask* thanks so much for reading!!!

[itsjayyyy]

July 24, 2019 2:19 pm

Have I studied like I said I would? No. Am I in dire need of an update? Yes. Looks like there’s only one option.

okay so I have to go all the way back to june 26th, huh? Well rose REALLY didn’t take the talk about her finances well. She acted as if I was still just mad at her over memorial day, as if she wasn’t a massive burden on our parents. See that’s the difference between rose and I; when I see that I’m a burden on someone else I remove myself from their life so that I don’t hurt them, but rose just doesn’t give a fuck. She’ll be a leech for her entire life and not even bat an eye. Anyways that’s not the point. She wouldn’t say it to my face, but clearly she heard what I had to say. Apparently iris told me that rose was shocked; nobody had ever told her that before. Which is surprising to me, why would mom and dad and iris all tell me about how tired they were of rose being a mess but not say it to her face???? I swear I’m the only person with a spine in this family.

Anyways rose plans to move out in september now, and shortly after she announced that, mom and dad made plans to move back to michigan in november. I haven’t been talking to rose, but I really hope that she sees the direct relationship between the time that she’s moving out to the time that they’re moving out. Since she’s making progress towards fixing her finances, I’d say that issue is a closed case now.

But really, I never looked down on her for her life being a mess. To me, you can do whatever; get a college degree, not get a college degree, work minimum wage, make six figures, none of it really matters to me. I only care that you treat me with respect, treat me like a friend. My issue with her, and not just on memorial day, has been that she doesn’t listen. I told her that on my birthday this year, three months ago, and no change. Memorial day just served to reinforce the idea that I’m just a side character in life to her. She tried to twist it and say “you’re making me choose between you and my boyfriend” which is a load of shit, I’m asking that you DON”T choose between us and rather treat us equally. Or at least, I dunno, say one word to me when the three of us are together so that I know that you still acknowledge me. Or I dunno, maybe not invite your boyfriend to family events when the rest of the family hasn’t explicitly invited him?

Iris has been in town since the whole issue with rose. I hung out with her a few times, but I never saw rose. Iris has told me a few things. I knew that, a while ago, peter proposed to rose and rose broke up with him, for four hours, before she asked him to take her back. He said no, so she bought him an xbox and (according to iris) some weed, because rose said “he can’t say no to me when he’s high.” I really want to say that she meant saying no to her asking for him to take her back. I really want to say that she didn’t rape him. But I can’t. I can’t even say that those four hours were just so that she could think, knowing that she’s cheated on every boyfriend she’s ever had. Honestly I don’t think I can ever look at her the same. Iris wants to give her the benefit of the doubt, saying “we don’t know if she raped him” but I’m not gonna give her that just because she’s a girl, or my sister. Those words came out of her own mouth, after all.

On Saturday, when I got off work, iris and I met up because we planned to see rose at the mall. Iris was leaving on sunday, and she wanted to get a group pic of us. Frankly I can’t stand that iris, despite nonstop talking about how rose is becoming more and more toxic and manipulative, still wants to be on good terms with her. But then iris explained, how when she first moved up to chicago, she thought she’d visit later and see everyone as usual. But before she could come back to visit, her sister in law died. (The main reason for the visit is so that they can help the family fight for custody against the bio dad). She said she was worried that, like her sister in law, she would go to chicago mad at rose and then who knows, what if rose dies while iris is in chicago and they never got closure too? It’s a reasonable fear, but I guess I’m just too hardheaded to feel it too. 

Anyways, we’re at the mall, nick and peter go to gamestop so the three of us could talk in private. This was my plan for how I wanted the conversation would go: I explain that I personally didn’t agree with the texts I sent her about her finances, but that the rest of the family was growing annoyed with her and I was the one tasked with telling her. She would have the chance to tell me what she felt, and what she’s done, etc. We close the finances chapter, and move on to her personality, which I considered to be the ACTUAL issue. I would let her know that I didn’t like that she clearly didn’t care about me. She never listens to how my day was (as in, she’ll be physically present when I speak but she’ll literally be texting peter as I’m talking). She doesn’t take ANY criticism at all. As in, she’ll blow up at you if you even imply she’s not perfect. The whole peter break up situation. I wanted her to know that it’s not okay for her to treat people as machines where she just needs to do xyz to get them to do what she wants. That people have feelings, that people are *human* just like her, and we all deserve to be heard. She never listens to listen, she listens to come up with an argument in response. She lacks empathy.

As you can guess, that’s not how the conversation went. Before I could get two sentences into telling her about how the finances thing, she cuts me off and starts talking about how I “don’t even care about her achievements” and starts talking about how she’s an expert at car pricing (she works for a scrap dealer, they price vehicles by amount of steel) and she knows better than nick, who is an auto insurance adjuster with years of experience. I jump straight to “you don’t listen to listen, you listen to argue” and from there it’s nothing but cutting each other off. Iris tried to keep the peace by making us take turns, but rose cut me off on my turn so I was like ya know what? This bitch clearly will not listen, despite the fact that I’ve tried to listen when she was cutting me off. I give up. So I figured since there was little chance at salvaging the discussion, I said “yeah, you’re right, the whole family is dissapointed in you because you’re twenty two years old and don’t have a degree, a car, a place of your own” and then she stood up and left. It was a really low blow for me to attack her like that, but it’s not fair that she can treat me like literal shit for years but I can’t even dish out a few insults one day. 

Iris, nick and I leave to go to my apartment, where we all calm down, pet mango, look at motorcycles. Then we went to get tacos, then I went home. 

Sunday night, iris says that she’s about to leave town, and wanted to see me one last time. We met up at the starbucks near my apartment. Frankly all of sunday I was just marinating in my emotions, and meeting at starbucks finally let it all out. 

One thing that I’m surprised took me 20 years to realize: rose is actually the root of all of my insecurities. And no, I’m not just saying that to make her look like the bad guy because I’m mad that she cut me off. Think about it. Where did I get the idea of “speak only when spoken to” imprinted into my head? When my parents forced me to be with rose after school and rose and her friends all treated me as an annoyance. How they ignored me, tried to act like I wasn’t there, while they all had fun together. The way they would literally pay me to leave them alone, sometimes. What about my incredibly bad body dysmorphia? Maybe the way her and her friends used to say “oh, you’ll have a glo up some day jasmine” as if I was ugly at the time. How I was just rose’s ugly little sister to them. Or, most glaringly, the time that rose did my makeup when I was 15 or so, and she took a step back to look at it halfway through, started laughing, and said “you just look so ugly.” I cried in the bathroom for 45 minutes after that. And the worst part is that that memory feels so faded, like I almost forgot about it. What else did I forget?

Anyways I tell this all to iris, and she said that I needed therapy. I scoffed at that, of course, because I’m fine. (Narrator voice: She was not fine). I tell myself that I’m okay now, that the emotional trauma caused by rose is nothing but the past, that I’m a well adjusted individual now. Iris bet me $40 that I couldn’t get a date in a month to see how well adjusted I was. 

Easy as fuck, all I need to do is go on straight tinder. Men swipe right on literally anything, so it’d be easy as hell to get a date. I even wrote the most batshit insane bio ever (I literally talked about my issues with rose and the $40 bet), and within 24 minutes I saw that 99+ men had swiped right. I swiped left on at least a few hundred guys, before I finally swiped right on one. Apparently he super liked me, so I said “was the super like by accident or do you just have that poor of taste in women” and yet! we actually made plans. Like kinda plans, like “I’m free tomorrow if that’s not too soon, we could get sushi” so it wasn’t set in stone, but there was decidedly something. And he was cute, too.

Monday morning I woke up and immediately unmatched him, followed by me deleting my account. Followed by me crying violently in bed for two hours, thinking about how he would have thought I was ugly irl, that I really am hideous, and don’t deserve love. That I deserved to die alone, because I have no personality and I’m the ugliest person alive. It sounds overly dramatic to see it typed out, but man, that morning I really wanted to die. That’s when I realized that maybe iris was right, maybe I do need therapy. 

But this is my issue, I don’t like letting people know about my feelings. I feel like I look weak. And it’s so easy for me to just, not tell a therapist things, because it makes me uncomfortable. I tried therapy a year ago, literally all I did was say “yeah I’m fine :)”. I’m starting the online therapy sessions that my college offers, because I don’t have to talk to anyone for it. And on top of that I have all of those things that I’m planning to do that I wrote in the last 2 updates. I want to improve my life, and I’m gonna start on it now. 

Tuesday I texted peter, letting him know my side. He said “I have my own opinions on the matter” and by that I assume he means his opinion is that he’s on rose’s side, of course, otherwise he would have stood up against her. After seeing that I left class an hour early and cried in the bathroom. I thought I was being quiet but this girl in the stall next to me knocked and asked if I was okay (I said yes). 

And yeah, like I said in the last update, it hurts that rose (and peter) are pretty much cut out of my life. They were kind of the only friends I had. But I have to remind myself that this is the exact same situation I dealt with in sophomore year of high school, with jackie. She stopped being my friend, and because of it I lost all of my friends. But this time around I’m gonna be able to meet new people, and a lot easier, since I’m in college. As a matter of fact, I got an email from this sorority I plan on joining today. I need time to heal, but I will heal.

And as soon as I get my braces off, I’m going to maybe try tinder again (no!!!!! I just said I don’t like tinder!!!!!! but maybe I’ll try again when my braces are off......)

Anyways, let me tell you about today, wednesday (we finally reached the end!). I woke up, scrolled through my socials like usual, then watched a few really old music videos. Like, pop punk old. Went to publix, got my waffles, then came home and watched the next episode of ore monogatari, basically as I had planned. But then I just started slacking because I didn’t feel like studying (I still haven’t studied). Went through my main blog’s archive. I really noticed that my blog has been dead exactly since I moved out. I guess I’ve just been too busy. My dashboard isn’t really my style, it’s very multifandom when these days I really only care about bts. I think I’m gonna get back into tumblr, at least it’s more stimulating then scrolling down the same reddit posts 20 times an hour. Anyways I saw my posts from when mono came out and MAN that’s some strong nostalgia. It was only about 10 months ago, but it feels so distant. That’s when I lived with my parents, and they were on vacation so I had the house to myself. While rose went to a halloween party, I stayed home and watched the forever rain music video on repeat while downing 4 beers and doing my econ homework (I got a 100 somehow, despite being sloshed). Anyways I’ve been listening to it on repeat the entire time I’ve been writing this.

Okay it’s 3:44 now. Man, this was a really long update. I think now I’m gonna make my cesar salad that I bought from publix, then study. I mean, the lowest test grade is dropped and I already passed the first two exams, so no big deal. Ugh I wish rose could buy me another pack of cider right now.