#last part ahhhh

[stardynamite]

Previously, and finally…

part 7/7

LAST PART YIPPEEEE

That’s why it’s so long lmao

Just fyi, I read all of your comments and reblogs while blushing and kicking my feet lmao, so thank you all!!! This was a lot of fun lmao

Previous / the end.

First

[juliamccartney]

i'm about to listen to the last re: dracula episode and i'm so emotional already omg

[yandereshingeki]

hello everybody i know i was gone for a little bit but i am back and I have lots to say

[theloveinc]

he just gave me the maraschino cherry out of the end of his drink omg what are we?

[hannahssimblr]

Chapter Thirty

The rain has slowed by the time we reach the shore, but clumps of damp sand still cling to our shoes and droplets of water to our clothes. Jude offered me a rain jacket back at the beach house but I refused. He never got one for himself either, but if he cares about the soaking wet shoulders of his sweatshirt he doesn’t show it. Raindrops form on the ends of his hair and fall down onto his face and it’s like he doesn’t notice that either. I wonder what is going on in his mind. 

He doesn’t look back at me even as I gaze at him. The side of his face is framed by a grey and blue blur of sky and sea, mist and cloud. Waves crash, seagulls caw, our feet crunch into the wet sand with every step, and I don’t even know where to begin. 

But he speaks first, “So you want for this to be over? You’re done with me?”

I fill my lungs with cool air, “Don’t say it like that, it sounds harsh.”

“Yeah, it is harsh.”

“I don’t know how to do this the right way.”

“There isn’t a right way, it’s-” he breaks off and presses his fingers into the space between his eyebrows, “Just- why are you doing this?”

“Because it’s the right thing to do.”

“How could it be the right thing? It’s the wrong thing. It’s the worst thing, and I’m asking you not to do it.”

“Jude-”

“Evie, please,” he whirls around to face me, and I don’t know what I expected his eyes to look like, but it wasn’t this, the level of confusion and pain on his face is enough to make me want to stagger backwards. God, why am I doing this? “Whatever it is, I know that we can work it out together,” He pleads,  “just talk to me about what you’re thinking.”

“I don’t want for us to hold each other back.”

“We’d never do that to each other.”

“We’re already doing it though, all of these conversations we’ve been having these last few weeks, all of this going back and forth about where we want to live and how we might make it work, it’s just becoming really clear to me that there isn’t a perfect solution.”

“Of course there is, we can find a way, I don’t understand why-”

“It’s simple, Jude,” I cut in,  “you want to go to America, and I want other things for myself. I can’t hold you back from your dreams, so I’m letting you go.”

“What if I don’t want to be let go?”

“I’m not going to be the reason why you don’t find success in your life, I can’t live with that. If you don’t go to America you’ll regret it for the rest of your life, and then you’ll resent me, and-”

“I want you more than I want some job.”

“That’s not true. That job could give you everything you want.”

He stares at me, and I say, “You don’t want to be here, in Ireland, I mean, and I know that you wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for me. You hate it, it’s not your home, do you think I don’t know how miserable it makes you to be here, how out of place you feel? You can’t make big life decisions based on your girlfriend, especially when you’re twenty two, that just doesn’t make-”

“Evie you don’t get it,” he implores, “What we have, you and I, this isn’t a normal thing. It never feels this way. Of all the relationships I’ve ever been in you’re the only person who’s made me feel this way, it’s like, cosmic, it’s crazy, the way I’m in love with you and the things I feel about you make me wonder if I ever truly loved another person before you came along.”

I fold my arms, “I do know this isn’t normal.”

“I don’t think you do, because if you did you wouldn’t be giving up on it. We could go our whole lives looking for something like this again and we’d never find it, in fact we will go our whole-”

“Jude,” I say as my chin begins to tremble, “I’m not saying this is forever, okay? I’m saying that it isn’t going to work now. Where we are in our lives and what we want for ourselves means that we will torture ourselves doing long distance, and then one day we’ll realise that it’s not worth it and we’ll resent each other for ever putting ourselves through it. Maybe one day in the future-”

“Well I don’t want one day in the future, I don’t want to waste any more time being apart from you, I wasted years like that already. I want now.”

“But now isn’t right.”

“Why isn’t it?”

“Because you want to be home. You want to be in America.”

He puts his hands on my arms and stares intently into my eyes, “But why can’t you come, Evie? Why can’t you come home with me? It will all work out if you do, I don’t understand-”

“Because I can’t just pack my things and go!” I cry, “I’ve researched it, okay? It’s easy for you but it’s not easy for me. They don’t just let anyone in. I’m not a citizen, I don’t have a visa, the process of trying to get myself there is so overwhelming and stressful, I can’t do it.”

“I’d wait for you. Even if it took months, I swear. You could come and visit whenever you could until it’s sorted out.”

There he is, I think. Jude the idealist, the romantic, the passionate and the unrealistic. The Jude that wishes his life was a movie or a novel with a neat ending where everything is tied up, and everything works out the way that you want it to.

“And I get it sorted and then what?” I say tensely, “I’m trying to get a job doing something artistic in LA, where every single person is trying to do the same thing, and they all have the advantage of being born there and not needing visas to work, and all of them have been to university and have degrees, which I won’t have because I’ll have dropped out to make the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life.”

He reels back and blinks hard like I’ve slapped him, “Being with me would be the worst decision you’ve ever made?”

And predictably, this, the pain on his face makes me cry, “No,” I sniffle, “No, that isn’t what I meant, it’s just when I think of all I’ll have to do to survive there, and the possible misery that waits for me, it just makes my chest feel tight and my heart beat so quickly that I think I’ll die. I can’t do something like that, it feels wrong in every part of my body. It’s not what I want.” I try to force back a sob, “I don’t even know what I want either, whether it’s to go back to college or try something new, I just don’t know. I’m going to have to work it out and really think long and hard about everything, but my gut tells me that it’s not LA, you know? LA is not the place, and I know that it’s what you want. You can’t possibly say no to it, it’d be ridiculous if you did. So that’s it. There’s nowhere we can go from here.”

“God, Evie,” His hand comes to gently cradle my face, and the gesture makes me want to throw my arms around his neck and kiss him until I’m breathless, but I don’t move a muscle. “What if I could take all of that stress away, you know? Make it so that visas don’t matter. Would that change anything?”

I look up at him through teary eyes, “What does that mean? How would you do a thing like that?”

“Well there are ways, you know, if you’re an American citizen, to extend that citizenship to your partner so that they can come and live with you in the states.”

My breath catches, “You mean marriage.” 

“Well we wouldn’t have to think of it like that, we could just sign the papers and go on like we always have, and then do it for real later, and really, what would it matter because the way I see it’s more like fast tracking the inevitable, right? I figured that we might do it someday anyway so-”

I step back from him and he lets his hand drop, suddenly furious at what he’s offering. His promise of this wild, romantic future bears no resemblance to rational reality. “God, stop, Jude that’s ridiculous.”

He frowns, “Why is it ridiculous?”

“Because we’re too young to do something like that.”

“We’re adults-”

“Yeah but we’re still stupid. I can’t sign a contract like that, I can’t even think about that. I feel like I don’t even know who I am yet, you know? I have so many things to work out, and I’m doing so well at therapy and I’m only beginning to figure myself out and get comfortable in my own skin and-”

“But it might be a way to make everything work, make everything alright, and we won’t have to break up over this, Evie, seriously, think about it, it might be the only way.”

I shake my head, “But even if it was, it still isn’t the right choice. Do you remember what you said to me in Tullamore, when I showed you my application form for the Berlin Fine Arts Academy? You said that you would have felt guilty if chasing you was the sole reason I chose to move there.”

He bites his lip and nods. 

“And if I moved to America, it’d be the same.”

He swallows convulsively, “So you don’t want to go, you have no interest in any of it, even if I could promise to take care of you and support you while you looked for work-”

“No, I don’t want to go there, it’s as simple as that.”

“But I’ll stay then.”

“Jude,” I touch his face and I’m surprised by how eagerly he leans into me like he is starved of my touch, “imagine if I got my dream job, say, in London like I’ve told you, and I gave it up because of you. How would that make you feel?”

I take in his tense jawline, the sharp movement of his shoulders with each shallow breath. He doesn’t answer me.  

“I know it’d make you feel guilty,” I say softly, “at least I hope it would. I hope you would never ask me to give up on the thing I want most. And you know what else I know? I know that I’d never forget it, and I’d grow to loathe it, resent you and be bitter and angry and I couldn’t handle it if you felt that way about me because I made you stay here, I really couldn’t.”

“Evie, I just don’t want to do this on my own.”

“But if it wasn’t for me, like, if you and I never met and you never knew me, would you take this job and move to LA?”

His eyes zig zag over my face wildly as though he can’t figure out what I’m asking, or perhaps he’s never thought of it before. 

I plant my other hand on his face and hold his head captive, “Jude,” I say again, “Would you take that job if I didn’t exist?”

Beginning // Prev // Next

[spxcesuits]

i placed a bunch of holds on books with long estimated wait times a couple weeks ago but all of a sudden they're all coming in and im too busy to read them all 😭

[yeyayeya]

Hey

I’m not dead, but I have just not had any sort of energy the last few days, literally feeling dead tbh. Major reasons were school and just wanting to relax after my trip to Mexico, and just did not want to do anything after. But I’m back again!

This is to the few mutuals that care

[hinsaa-paramo-dharma]

Oh no

[pidayforpi]

2023 Summer Rundown

☆ Watched...

[Movie]

→ Onward

→ Spiderverse I (rewatch)

→ Spiderverse II

→ Barbie

→ Epic Tails

→ The Tunnel to Summer, the Exit of Goodbyes

→ SASAGEYO Mutant Mayhem

→ Elemental

→ The Little Mermaid

→ Ruby Gillman

→ The Book of Life

→ Puss in Boots I

→ The Rescuers Down Under

→ Pinocchio

→ The Mitchells vs the Machines

→ Sailor Moon Eternal

→ The Garden of Words (rewatch)

→ RotTMNT movie (rewatch)

[Series and Others]

→ Finished DT17

→ AIR

→ Violet Evergarden (collection)

→ Usagi Chronicles

→ The Rhino and the Redbill

→ A Fox in Space

→ SABA

→ Lackadaisy

[rinqueen6]

BABY IT'S JOEL AND ELLIE BONDING TIME

go watch my new video or i'll trap you in the basement 🫢

[taegularities]

You've been feeding us good latelyyy, but i got to say i can't wait for the day u announce that ur gonna release "a heavy burden" with tae and oc, like howls moving castle is my favorite anime film ever and with taehyung being my bias wrecker UGHHH, i just cant imagine a better person then him being in the role of howl. Sending much love to youuu 🤍🤍

BABE SAME !!! like, i even have the post drafted + the banner ready !! and the fic's like 85% done? but the ending fcks me up every time i try to finish it. like it's such a challenge, but i will finish it for sure and hopefully have it out this year bc 😭 i actually like the fic and howl!tae + oc together a lot so far 🥺

thank you so much for your kind words <333

[sb-tmblr]

Dear princess Celestia. Today I've learned that sometimes, you should hide your happiness so that it cannot be ruined. It is also very important not to brag about your happiness to others, otherwise the karma will hit you like a bitch.

Your dearest student, Twilight Sparkle

[ancientchemicals]

a +25k chapter is an insane length right.... welp

[youremyonlyhope]

.

[gravegoer]

I saw a video of a guy blowing smoke into his gfs mouth when they kiss AHHHH THAT WITH SEVIKA HAS ME ROLLINGGGGGGG

Smokey kisses

i feel like I know exactly what video you're talking about, and 100% agree with you! i also have part 2 of the bodyguard fic coming out soon ! asks are still open, if i havent answered yours PLEASSEE resend, some get lost in the void.

masterlist

Whenever Sevika smoked cigarillos around you, she never blew the smoke in your face, assuming you never wanted to inhale the secondhand smoke.

When talking face to face with you, she blows the smoke out of the side of her thick lips (sometimes into someone else's face, not that she cares)

Even when you kiss, she feels a little self-conscious about her breath, knowing it probably tastes bitter. She tries to lessen the blow by using some cheap strawberry chapstick every so often.

Once you leaned in to kiss her while she was smoking and she pushed back on your chest with the hand that wasn't holding her cigarillo.

"Not right now sweetheart"

At first, you didn't realize why she did this, thinking maybe she was uncomfortable with your affection. But you started to realize the trend within a few months.

How she refused to smoke inside your house, and never purposely lit one up around you unless she was stressed or anxious. But not before muttering an apology.

Obviously, knowing this information you wanted to make her less insecure of her habits. If you couldn't get rid of the habit you might as well embrace it, right?

This is the part where you hatch your master plan.

When you two sat together in Sevika's private booth at the bar there was a cigarillo held between her lips as she was in the middle of a poker game. You sat on her leg, her mechanical arm holding you steady by the waist.

This was one of your guys' pastimes, she would show you off to the jealous men at the bar while you got to indulge in the warmth of her body and the heat of her touch.

Undoubtedly she was winning, a man huffed in disappointment from her left. This made her chuckle and smoke was blown out of her nostrils, she shifted her leg slightly, making you bounce in her lap.

You smiled at this, leaning back on her shoulder.

As the men shuffled out of the booth (not before handing over Sevika's winnings) you wrapped your arms around her shoulders.

"Good job baby," You kissed her on the cheek as a reward, a reward that she definetly valued more than the gold on the table infront of her.

"Dont you ever get tired of watching me win?" She said teasingly, running a hand up your thigh.

You inched closer to her face, "No, not even a little bit"

She backed up a bit as you got closer to her lips, raising an eyebrow at you. Before she could retaliate further you grabbed her face and pulled it towards yours

Your lips intertwined with hers, a gasp escaped her lips, causing smoke to be blown into your mouth. At that you inhaled, deepening the kiss.

Her eyes were open, pupils blown wide as she stared incrediously at you. This shock didnt last long as she started to kiss you back, grabbing the back of your head and running her fingers through your hair roughly.

"Fuck, that was so hot"

She muttered between heavy breaths and rough kisses.

Pulling away, she took another drag of her cigarillo and pushed her mouth back against yours, releasing a breath when you kissed her back.

She groaned at the feeling of you taking the smoke into your mouth and letting it linger, the fumes your senses as it escaped in small spurts through your lips.

Sevika smirked into the kiss, now moving her mouth down to your jaw. But you pushed her head away, giggling.

"You should have let me do that sooner." She rubs the back of your head where her hand sat.

"Yeah? Well, quit acting like I don't know you smoke when you're around me."

this was infact NOT proof read so dont come at me....

taglist: @thequeenreaders @hangezoes-wife @thesecondhandwoman @slut4sevika @kylorey25

[afterglowsainz]

we used to have more pt. 2 | oscar piastri

part 1 part 3 part 4

pairing: oscar piastri x reader

summary: after oscar gets back with his ex you found yourself coping in the best way possible: running away

fc: different girls from pinterest

warnings: some very questionable work dynamics that i’m pretty sure are not accurate at all (good thing this is fiction and i can do whatever i want for the plot!)

a/n: thank you so so so much for all the love you gave to part 1! this story is like my baby and i’m truly so happy people liked it <3

—

liked by oscarpiastri, carlossainz55 and others

yourusername always ✨chaotic✨ in melbourne🦘

view all comments

username AHHHH i live for her weekly race posts

username the bag essentials ✨

username her ig is what my pinterest boards looks like 🥹

username manifesting this life truly

declanmurray first pic is unfocused

yourusername NO! WHAT?

username she’s so cool 😩

username the star girl of f1 ⭐️

lissiemackintosh i need that lipstick actually 😭

yourusername come and we’ll share 😭

[lissiemackintosh’s instagram stories] [yourusername’s instagram stories]

[caption 1: ✈️💗] [caption 2: lights out…]

liked by patriciooward, milesbaldwin and others

yourusername settling just fine 🍊🧿🍒

view all comments

username she’s working at indy now omg

username what nooo 😭😭 i love her in f1

username ahhh did not expect this at all

username as an indycar fan i love this

username and she posted a pic of the podium celebration i- 💞💞💞

username okay but the hands on the last picture ???

username girl whoooo 👀

username probably one of her friends she always with

patriciooward that podium pic 😩

yourusername it was a cool champagne trick!

liked by oscarpiastri, alexanderrossi and others

milesbaldwin survived our first week in america

tagged yourusername, lissiemackintosh, miguelsossa and declanmurray

view all comments

yourusername against all odds!

username ohhh so they are ALL in indy

username the timing of this is very curious ngl 🤣

username right like the season JUST started

miguelsossa we’re perfect 😉

davidmalukas perfectly deranged!

lissiemackintosh wow buddy i thought we were friends

davidmalukas ohhh you’re saying buddy like an american already ☺️

yourusername 👀👀👀

oscarpiastri have fun mate 👍🏽

liked by nolansiegel, patriciooward and others

yourusername another week, another race day🏎🏁

tagged davidmalukas and lissiemackintosh

view all comments

username the way this could’ve been about china but no! she’s in america 😭

username obsessed with the fact she posts only in mclaren

yourusername luckily here i can be biased 🧡🧡

username OMG

username girl come back to f1 you’re gonna miss all the fun races!

username y/n at indy was a must i didn’t knew i needed

username an lissie and declan and miles and miguel and

username you can’t physically separate them i’m afraid (liked by yourusername)

liked by yourusername, declanmurray and others

patriciooward nice afternoon🧡

view all comments

username second podium in a row yesss

miguelsossa congrats mate! (liked by patriciooward)

username guys you lost me i’m in love with a mclaren 😔

username no i get you because this is me with oscar 😔

milesbaldwin feliz navidad pato! (or whoever you say it) (liked by patriciooward)

username close! welcome back sebastian vettel

username i’m that champagne bottle actually

yourusername ahhh so well deserved 🙌🏽

patriciooward thank you!

—

taglist; @heavy-vettel @a-beaverhausen @astroniii @chunkpiboli @theonottsbxtch @eclecticcreatorweaselsalad @charli123456789 @stopeatread @coriyaps @nina-or-anna-or-nora @ninasw0rld @loveelylani @marauders-wife @dramallama9 @mxdi0 @piastrigate @ladyoflynx @prudyhoo @idkwtdwml123 @southernbaguette @ellelabelle @emryb @fastfactory