#last one is somber?
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and you know what. the mention of security and dignity for the palestinian people got the biggest reaction from the crowd of her entire speech. this is not a minority opinion!!! the average person, even the most rabid democratic delegate, is not a ghoul. which makes how they’re handling these even MORE galling.
#absolutely fucking insane lol#i also don’t feel like that was particularly the time and place to do a somber policy focused speech but wtf do i know#that was like the one instance she should’ve gone sillygoose but this couldn’t last so okay
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the way that diff languages sound r so fascinating they're all different and all so vivid
#russian is like the surface of a feather like it's light but not exactly “soft” but still very delicate#german is . cute ? i think it's adorable . it has a lot of momentum it makes u wanna talk fast and talk a lot#like it's squishy . sleek surface w a soft inside#thai is like song . it's like interprative dance or maybe a trust-fall . everything follows from the previous thing#it feels like a little fairy flying up and letting itself fall and flying up again and so on (for fun). its so beautiful but also playful#mandarin chinese is like . idk why but it gives me the same vibe the concept of Observation does . like to read and to see and absorb#and then to translate that into smth else . like . imagine a poet people watching or an artist preparing a canvas w practiced hands. thats#the vibe. soft and elegant and musical but like...in a way that feels lived-in. arabic feels wise ? like music or poetry u read#and feel nothing about then years later u stumble on and it applies to everything in ur life. that kind of vibe. like it knows more than u#and itll make sure ur heart and soul grows as big as its lexicon . polish is like snowflakes falling . it has the feeling of complexity and#elegance but it's also so so light and slippery and...maybe not elusive but the feeling of losing a dance partner in a waltz ? like fun and#light but also an underlying elegance and somberness still . turkish is like the feeling when u get a text from ur crush#and your heart tightens and you cant tell if it's really painful or really amazing . it feels like unrequited love . or a caress#or making out with someone when you know its the last time you'll see them. its beautiful in a yearning longing way#korean is like joking around w ur friends and you've stayed up until like almost 5 AM and youre so delirious that everything is funny#and ur speaking kind of lightly and openly and everything you say holds a lot of weight and doesnt matter at all. you laugh at everything#and youre practically talking in inside jokes and watching the sunrise together . one of them hits u on the shoulder lovingly. ur by a fire#yoruba feels like the metatheory of the matatheory . abstraction until it circles back to intuition or maybe#it feels like plotting the route of a comet or maybe like the soft warm whirr of statistics. trying to verbalise beauty somehow#when you know the best thing you can show it is by telling everyone just look!! look at the sky just look!#anyway yh i think i could do this for every language ever tbh
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the argentina scene is my FAVORITE Fassbender sounds so so good speaking German... he does have a small accent but you can still tell he speaks the language fluidly and honestly every time I rewatch that scene I thank the gods for the casting choices. the moment where he turns his arm and reveals his tattoo to the horrified nazis especially is seared into my brain permanently, it's so so good
the tension build up is SOOO good innit. what really adds to it is how he presents himself so charmingly leading up to the tattoo reveal- AND YOURE RIIIGHT i love how he sounds when he speaks german (❁´x`❁)
Moderate correction: it was The Last Stand where erik shows his tattoo after speaking at an assembly! bUT REGARDLESSSS its a great scene !! it really helps solidify to the younger mutants in that moment erik knows what he's talking about when identifying the signs of a genocide early on and giving them more reason to follow him
#snap chats#like i think with the tattoo bit in last stand especially i think the exchange like. dear god help me be articulate#with the younger mutants parading their powers through tattoos i think it evokes a sense of.#almost Not. taking things super seriously? their attitude overall just seems.. i dont know 'juvenile' is the best word i can use#so when you have erik who's been through this already roll up and have this much more somber tone- this lest enthusiastic feel#it sort of neutralizes that energy and grounds everyone and reminds them just how serious this is#am i making any sense ?? i dont know dont listen to me im not very smart#i just know that even if last stand isnt the best of the three it has some good scenes and that ones def my fave from it
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tfw you go see a musical comedy and it makes you cry
#noopa rambles#the show was built around my ave band's music#I almost teared up twice before#and then this frigging. kid actor starts to sing rakkaus on lumivalkoinen#while sitting alone at the edge of the stage in the rain as everyone else has left her behind#all somber and sad singing abt how love only lasts for a fleeting moment#and I'm just 😭😭#the character did get a happy ending and then I was emotional abt that too#but my god how dare this maybe 12-year-old make me cry!!!#I certainly wasn't the only one tearing up#and the rainy weather (was an outdoor play) fit the moment so well#it must feel great for a fledgling actor to make your audience Feel(tm)#the song she sang is one of the band's biggest hits too#like. I'd place it in top 3 in terms of significance for the band#not my personal fave but a very good song nonetheless#getting to sing that sort of a part in a play when you're a kid must be so cool
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Davis Graveyard yard haunt. Milwaukie, OR (Oct. 21st 2023)
#🎃 Cryptid sighting#Davis Graveyard#Misadventures around PDX#Graveyard#cemetery#Halloween decorations#Death#That last one with the skele-horse-drawn hearse was when mini Nightmare Bonnie was starting to menace me :3 Good times#I have a lot more to learn about effectively using my camera (then again it’s been about a year since I used it so I’m rusty to boot)#But I was happy to get better night shots than my old phone can#Not that photos of their yard display aren’t plastered all over the place already#But it was nice to get some of my own#This & Hallowed Haunting Grounds have shaped my idea of what I want to do with a haunt eventually#The realistic detail & peaceful somber ambiance really elevate the few supernatural effects & make them stand out#It’s a beautiful haunt
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I'm deeply fascinated by how Redecorate deals with some of the most mundane and tedious aspects of death and grief: a person died and someone has to decide what to do with their stuff, keeping it or throwing it away. It's not something that can be ignored or avoided, just like the bureaucracy of the papers and the funeral, and just like those things it feels like an intrusion of a person pain and grief but it has to be done. The question at the end of the chorus put it in such a simple and disarming way "should they keep it on display or redecorate?"
The rest of the chrous is just as powerful. The perspective is of someone contemplating death (be it by suicide, by illness or by an accident) and it's completely focused on material possessions, a room and the things in it. The real worry is not dying but the fact that their room is not clean, the real fear is the burden that this would leave on the people close to them who would have to decide what to do with it, the tediousness of it all. And the music is somber, almost detached, it leaves the space to contemplate. In this situation the pain is dull and what is left is how death is ordinary and how it brings very mundane issues with it, but in some way they still represent if someone is holding to the past or is willing to move on
#sorry i've relistened to it today and the chorus hit hard#'i don't wanna leave like this 'cause the last thing i want to do is make my people make decisions wondering what to do'#really highlight a grounded worry about death#it's all very detached and practical it's not about pain but it still encapsulates an important part of grief even when it's so mundane#even the first verse is all about the possessions that a man has in his room#nothing is extraordinary in this song even the music is linear and somber but it still feel so personal and real#really one of the best songs by tøp#if this sounds incoherent don't worry i have an hard time making thoughts make sense#twenty one pilots
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Finally…a new ambient song to obsess over
#it’s been months since I found one that really captured my attention beyond sounding nice#and it’s titled. last minutes of a dying star#idk why but star death and supernovas. they really get to me#the giver of life and warmth and light that’s seem unmoving and changing…it dies#and with its death it brings everything with it into oblivion#irreversible. catastrophic. an apocalypse in the greatest sense#it makes me cry#like yeah that mean kids when they learn that the sun will explode in 5 billion years#but that fact made me so somber when I learned it#it made me scared to disrespect the sun. like if I ever insulted it it would give up and kill us all#hmm…
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content warning: bad mental health day
It comes like it always does, like he always knew it would: a heavy sickening weight settling into his chest. Ripping through the rose-colored filter and reminding him what the world is actually like. For a few days he thinks maybe he can evade it this time, but as he settles back against his headboard and lights up a smoke, he knows he can’t. Stupid of him to ever think he could.
“Hey,” Johnny says, still sounded blissed and fucked out, like he has for the past few minutes. For a moment he sounds like he’s going to continue, and then he just holds out one hand, fingers grasping like a figure in some old painting.
Kerry gives him the cigarette, intending to light another, but Johnny stops him. Moves so that they’re sitting hip to hip, shoulder to bicep, sweaty skin sticking together. It should be nice, but all he can feel is the heavy hollow of his chest, and the knowledge that sooner or later this is all going to end, and he can’t even appreciate what he has.
“What is it?” Johnny asks, in a wary tone that just makes Kerry want to hit him.
“Nothing.”
“That look ain’t nothing–“
“You got some big grand plan you aren’t telling me?” Kerry interrupts, because it’s better than listening to Johnny try to be sensitive. “Or are you just crashing here until you find something better?”
Johnny tenses, and just like that everything’s fucked up again. “You gonna kick me out?”
“Forget it,” Kerry tosses the ashtray at him. He just needs some air. He just needs to get away from Johnny for a little bit. He can get around this, he just needs to do it right.
“Ker–“
He doesn’t answer, taking his time to shrug on his robe before he leaves, and Johnny doesn’t say anything else, doesn’t follow him, doesn’t even get out of bed. Kerry wants to scream, wants to break something, but his mind just keeps replaying what is it? over and over, and he doesn’t have an answer.
The muggy air outside hits like a slap, and he relaxes a little in the evening heat, feeling some of the frenetic tension dissipate from his skin. He really does just need some air. But as he leans over the balcony railing, he knows that’s not true. Still, he feels a little better, maybe a little number, looking out at the horizon.
A crawling sensation makes the hair on his arms stand up, and he turns to find V standing there, looking like she had been about to get his attention. She joins him at the railing, a few feet away. He doesn’t want company, but she doesn’t seem in danger of talking, so they both wait in silence while the sun slides further and further down. Eventually she leaves, but just when the lights around the grounds are flicking on she comes back with a lighter and a couple of cigarettes, and by that point he thinks maybe he does want company, so he accepts her offer.
“If you knew I didn’t like you,” he asks, “why’d you come here?”
She sighs, and it turns into a laugh that’s a little too strangled not to be genuine. “Thought maybe I’d grow on you. Like some sort of fungus.”
“Is that right?” he asks. “Not sure that’s working out for you.”
“Figures,” she says, smile fleeting as she looks towards the city. “Seemed like it was worth a shot. Thought it might be my turn to play wounded animal.”
Kerry laughs, and it almost feels like something, but it hurts, too. “Get in line.”
#cyberpunk 2077#kerry eurodyne#shenanigans au#my fic#writing these like a form of meditation#i just get the first sentence and then i write until it's the last sentence which is very strange for me#anyway#✌️#this was a more somber one but some days are just like that
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i have many thoughts in general but this tidbit from tingyun's voice lines is one of the things i wanna elaborate some more on at some point...
" Every time I head out, I leave a letter behind and lock it in the drawers of my shop. If I come back, then I'll burn it later. If I don't... then it'll be something for others to remember me by."
#OOC.#this post is more of a reminder to myself before i go try to write some stuff for nat and/or stelle#but idk i like her concept of being pacifistic despite the inherent dangers of her position as... basically a galactic ambassador?#it says that most reps take weapons with them but she refuses to because she believes that you should build relationships from a foundation#of peace instead of threat of violence#which has worked in her favor but idk its kinda sombering knowing that she basically leaves her last words in a letter every time sh#e leaves for another planet to do her job because she knows shes leaving herself vulnerable if somebody wanted to do something to hurt her#and she burns it every time she comes back only to rewrite it again months later when she goes on her next trip#xi.anzhou's lore is ROUGH dont get me wrong but theres a lot of fun concepts in there that im smashing together LMAO#also her traveling the way she does opens up so much room to meet literally anybody#its just jarilo-vi right now but as more worlds open up it just gives her more room to work with#also the fact that it opens up a lot of possiblities for world building for her to come to these planets because she's there ON business an#trade & commerce is one of the BIGGEST things a society needs. one decision could steer the entire direction of their society in a complete#y different direction#like even just introducing more leisurely/hobby focused products can be a huge turning point for a war stricken world#or better materials for their tech and their buildings#new crops in exchange for what they have#literally the exchange we see in her lore is her discussing taking just a few samples of a world's plants and growing it on xianzhou for#commercial sale AND that world would recieve shipments of said crops along with wahtever other deals they struck#and blablabla yes i know capitalism whatever. tis the way of the world and i think its really interesting frmo a worldbuilding standpoint#tingyuns a very interesting character because she can change a lot of things in very little time in the big picture#i feel like she's commonly brushed off as a shallow character who doesnt do much but she's one of the most accomplished characters in xian#zhou EASILY#yes you could argue that jing yuan is more because of his general shit or yukong is the helm master blablabla like Yes they are also very#accomplished but she is the literal only reason that the grand fairs are FAMOUS throughout the galaxy. they werent until she took leadershi#she's completed trade missions to SIXTEEN different panets and is implied to have formed alliances with at least a few of them#and was the one to renew xianzhou's mutual alliance with the IPC#i dunno#also i think people see her as way more of a trickster than she is#like ... i thought she was too but she really isn't particularly mischevious? girls tried to leave MULTIPLE times during the story bc she
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SURPRISE~
Glass, you're now a glass yokai!
Eep! *In a flash the Fallacy isn't much different at a glance, clear as ever. However she now has bigger carved in eyes, and the light catches on her differently*
*Her once smooth fingers now have neatly carved in nails, on her wrists are carvings, one more circular and on the other more triangular*
*On her collar, and the front of her neck area series of square like patterns*
*Various differing dips and curves down her back (where a spine would be)*
O! *Her voice is underlayed with a high wistful and airy tone* - Glass
#Ask Glass#Anons!#Asks#Prismatic Figure#Svelte Silver Arc#// This'll be the last Magic Anon before the blog have more story related#// This takes place before Baby Shell and Frosty btw#// Fun facts:#// All glass figure yokai have a glass singing undertone each song is unique however Glass' is a perpetually somber melody#// Gem Figures do not have a song undertone#// The carvings look like geometric shapes they're ancient languages from Glass' birth time#// The ones on her back translate to “Broken” the ones on her wrists mean “trust” and “promises” respectively#// The ones on her neck and collar mean “dance circuit”#// Glass Figure Yokai tend to be very unique between individuals when they aren't “blood” related#// Glass' carvings are “stories” being references to her life and events
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Flashback post: September 11th 2021
World Trade Center on Greenwich St. Manhattan NYC
#may their souls rest as well as the million+ Muslims killed during the unjust war that followed#I lived in NYC for about 12 years and during my last year there I#saw the memorial in person#on this night I met one of my online friends from CA and it just so happened to be sept 11th#it was a beautiful view and of course very somber#personal view
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Gale’s kiss before facing the Netherbrain is so good
#pacifico santos#a soul that steels my own#santarios#burying his nose is Gale’s hair for possibly one last time end me#it is so somber
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Sunwoo’s so extroverted it’s actually insane 😭
#like how tf he just be waltzing up to people so casually 😭#I was watching him do a street interview thing last night and I was so shocked ㅠㅠ#but then I remembered during that one mafia game where they’re in the warehouse collecting boxes n shit that he was seated amongst the#extroverts. I just happened to forget bc he was being so quiet 😭#but you can really tell once you see him (mostly) by himself 😭😭#somber speaks
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After a long time, I offer you the sequel to this fic here 🤲
Warnings: *BANGING POTS AND PANS* KUUYA IS A SUBMISSIVE PATHETIC LOSER YANDERE IF YOU DON'T LIKE MALE SUBS YOU MIGHT NOT LIKE THIS!!!! Also: NSFW and yandere themes from Kuuya and the reader; reader is gender neutral and AFAB; 9k words 💀
Kuuya is a @devotion-disorder OC and they gave me permission to write more abt their sad and wet cat <3 I hope you like it!!! The art below is theirs as well!
♡ cannibalism as a metaphor for love ♡
The clock ticked a little bit past 6PM. You frowned as you watched the last rays of sun fade away in the sky, thinking about your house – how you could be wearing your comfortable pajamas, making some greasy popcorn while you watched a bad horror movie.
Instead, all that you had was that non-ergonomic chair, a coffee that had already gone cold and bitter and the glaring blue light of your computer burning your retinas.
You were working overtime.
It’s not a new concept for you per se, not in a black corporation such as the one you worked for. It’s just that on that specific day, it felt like everyone had left the building but you. Every cubicle was empty and the room was incredibly dim – it was anxiety inducing. You turned on as many lights as you could and put some background music to feel less isolated, but the setting simply didn’t help. You were locked in that little dystopian bubble all on your own and no amount of piled up work could make you concentrate properly when it felt like you were in purgatory.
Outside, a loud thunder made the window panes vibrate and you sighed.
“Fuck this” you murmured, getting up. You’d at least make some more coffee. Would you feel even more anxious? Yes. But you needed something to distract yourself with and brewing a new, actually sweetened pot of coffee would have to do.
You briskly walked towards the break room, trying to avoid thinking about the oppressing darkness that surrounded you, staring at your feet. However, you soon slowed down – the door to the office kitchen was closed, and you could see the light was on from the crack under the door.
Common sense would allow you to come to the conclusion that probably someone else was in the building with you, after all.
But in that moment, all that blared in your mind were the sirens of dread. Your mind went from thinking that a serial killer was hiding in the pantry to imagining a deadly monster coming to whisk you away before you ever thought about some other colleague being in the building with you.
You crossed your fingers hoping it was just the (possibly hot) monster from another dimension coming to kidnap you and slowly opened the door, ready to run if needed.
Instead, you were met with the curved back and the mop of messy lilac hair of someone you knew oh too well.
“Kuuya?” you called, quietly.
“AH!” he flinched, crinkling the plastic cup he had in his hand and spinning around to look at you. The water he was pouring in his cup splashed on his button up shirt and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.
You raised your hands up, like you would do to a feral animal to show you mean no harm.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to spook you. I didn’t know there was someone else here. I thought I was alone.” you said, entering the room and feeling a little bit relieved to see another sign of life in that somber building.
Even if it was from your cute and creepy little stalker.
Kuuya hurriedly grabbed a napkin and began dabbing at his shirt, nodding silently and avoiding your eyes.
You sighed loudly as you began rummaging the kitchen’s cabinets for all the supplies you needed.
As much as you allowed yourself to indulge in your sick fantasies when it came to him, most of the time Kuuya just frustrated you. You wondered if he would ever try to talk to you. Hell, would he ever even look at you in your eyes for more than a second? It was maddening.
You knew he was far from innocent, no matter how reserved he acted around you. Didn't he literally follow you to your home just to jerk off in the bushes by your window? Where is all that courage when you're right next to him?
You wouldn't mind actually taking the initiative, but most of the time you honestly felt like you were crazy. Maybe you were so horny for that sad wet cat that you were hallucinating.
Maybe he never went to your house and it was just the wishful thinking of your deeply, deeply perverted mind.
Maybe he actually wanted to run away from you whenever you were around, but you were just too insane so you kept imagining him fisting his cock just because you breathed near him.
Although they do say that insane people never think they're insane.
God! If only he gave you A DIRECT SIGN! A green light! Something that would let you know you can take charge!
No matter how adorable his bashfulness was, he still made you feel like you were kicking a baby animal whenever you addressed him directly. And honestly, that didn't really help his case.
“Are you… okay?” his quiet voice snapped you out of your thoughts and you noticed how you were crouching and staring at a dead empty cabinet for way longer than necessary. You closed the door and got up quickly, clearing your throat.
“We’re out of coffee.” you said, pulling your phone out of your pocket. “I'm gonna order something to eat. Is there anything you want?”
Kuuya was one step away from being malnourished, you noticed. You wouldn't mind putting some food inside that scrawny body.
“Um… No, it’s not necessary… I don’t really have… um… money…”
You waved your hand dismissively as you scrolled through a delivery app.
“That doesn’t matter. I’m paying.”
Kuuya shook his head frantically while waving his hands.
“N-no, I can’t accept that!”
You side-eyed him and he visibly flinched under your glare.
“Even if you don’t tell me what you want to eat, I’m gonna order something for us. We are quite literally stranded here, I’m not going to let you go hungry.” you shrugged.
He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt. God, he was so cute. Why did he act like you would straight up kill him if he said something wrong, though? Were you that intimidating? Well, not intimidating enough to keep him from masturbating right by your bedroom and stealing your stuff, apparently.
“Also” you continued “It’s going to rain soon, apparently. I don't want to make some delivery guy go out in the rain to deliver us food once we’re actually hungry, so I'll just do it now.”
Kuuya opened and closed his mouth, as if he wanted to say something, but nothing would come out. He looked like a little fish, you thought, as you waited for him to say something. When he didn’t after a whole minute, you just shrugged.
“Is chicken sandwich and fries okay with you?”
He nodded, hesitant yet still licking his lips unconsciously at the thought of some good actual food. You figured he was probably very hungry. In fact, you could picture it very clearly: Kuuya getting home and just eating the least nutritious instant noodles in the world, day after day. No wonder he looked so tired all the time. He was probably running low on fuel for way too long.
“Okay. So I’m gonna order those, and also some coffee and cookies. If I'm gonna stay here and be tortured by all the work I gotta do, I wanna at least have something tasty to console me.” you mumbled, more to yourself than anyone else.
And as you placed the order, you ended up missing the little lovestruck smile that quickly appeared on Kuuya’s face.
You had gone back to your cubicle while you waited for your order. Knowing you weren't completely alone calmed your nerves and you managed to work properly for the time it took for your food to arrive.
Once you had all the bags in your hands, you walked back to the kitchen and the door was open just like you had left it. Kuuya was still there, sitting at the table, nursing a tepid cup of water.
“You didn't go back to your work station ?” you said, putting the multiple bags of food on the table, earning a startled yelp from him again. You raised an eyebrow and huffed out a laugh. “You're more skittish than I am.”
He pursed his lips into a thin line, avoiding your eyes.
“S-sorry…”
You shook your head.
“There's no reason to apologize. Here, the food arrived. Let's eat?”
He nodded, hurriedly getting up to help you set up plates and cups down, wobbling a little bit like he had to consciously think about how to walk properly.
You looked at him through the corner of your eye while he washed a few dishes.
Kuuya always seemed like he was in distress. His shoulders looked tense like a violin string and there was always a little crease on his forehead. His eyebrows were almost always scrunched and raised up, giving him that kicked puppy look to his face that you found so endearing. It made you want to hold him in your arms and massage those little shoulders until they were soft under your fingers, and kiss those worry lines until he relaxed, even if just for a little while.
You clenched and unclenched your fingers, quickly busying yourself with putting the now clean plates on the table, otherwise you'd jump at him as soon as he looked at you with those pink doe eyes that you so deeply wished you could stare at for hours on end.
If only he wasn't so easily frightened.
Soon enough, everything was set on the table, ready for you to eat.
“Alright” you sat down and motioned vaguely towards the food “Dig in! Don’t be shy.”
Kuuya slowly sat down, eyeing the sandwiches like he had never seen food before in his life. Still, he kept his hands to himself and fidgeted on his chair.
“Is something wrong?”
“I- I feel like I should be paying for this. I promise I'll repay you once I get my next paycheck.” he mumbled, looking extremely embarrassed.
You tutted, shaking your head.
“Nonsense. You don't have to pay for anything. Now eat. It'll make me glad if you eat properly. That's how you can pay me back.”
He pouted for a moment, considering your words, then hesitantly grabbed the sandwich, giving it a nibble. His face lit up at the taste of the sandwich and his inhibitions then seemed to go down a little. He took a bigger bite, chewing happily. His chin was slightly smeared with sauce and you smiled.
So fucking cute.
As you ate, you noticed how he kept on shaking and nodding his head in order to move the long lilac bang that covered his right eye away from his mouth. After a few more moments just watching him struggle, you got up from your seat.
“Here, let me help you.” You reached inside your pockets and showed him a hair clip you always kept at hand. You reached out for his bangs, hovering your hand over his hair as if to ask for permission to put the clip on him.
He unceremoniously slapped his hands over his bangs and right eye, hard.
“N-no!” He yelled, sounding terrified.
You jumped, surprised at his uncharacteristic reaction, and raised your arms again, the second time that day.
“Okay, okay. Sorry, I won't touch it. You can put it on your hair if you'd like it, then. No pressure” you said, still offering the hair clip.
He slowly moved his hands away from his eye, shaking as he grabbed the clip from your palm.
“O-okay…thank you and… sorry…” he mumbled, gripping the clip tightly inside his fist.
“It's no problem. Just… please pin it in a way that will keep your hair from touching your food” you grimaced “That's not really hygienic.”
He clumsily pinned his hair to his scalp, the bangs still completely covering his right eye, but somehow precariously pinned right over his ear. You gave him a nod of approval.
“I guess that's good enough.”
You two continued eating, a painfully awkward silence looming in the atmosphere, as the heavy rain that had threatened to fall all night finally pattered against the windows.
You figured you wouldn't try to break that silence, despite how uncomfortable it was. It was time for him to try and communicate with you too, and if he didnt, well. You wouldn't spread yourself thin just to receive a few nods and indiscernible mumbles, no matter how adorable he was whenever he was flustered.
Kuuya politely thanked you for the food as he finished eating, right at the same time as you. He pushed his chair, the grating sound against the floor making the both of you flinch. He straightened himself up, as much as his hunched back would allow him to, and cleared his throat.
“I, uh. I have to go to the bathroom. I'll- I'll clean everything up, so you can leave it there. I'll be right- I'll be right back.” He stuttered, eyes flitting everywhere around the corners of the kitchen, except to you. He was tightly grabbing his elbow with his other hand, until he visibly relaxed when you nodded at his words, like he needed your permission, and scrambled out of the room.
You waited a minute or two after he left, before getting up and quickly walking towards the men's bathroom as well.
Yeah, right. Sure. Bathroom.
You might not have known Kuuya that well yet, but you knew one little thing: he was a terrible liar.
You opened the door to the bathroom as quietly as you could, hoping it wouldn't creak and possibly rat you out. When you managed to close it behind you without a sound, you exhaled a breath you didn't even know you were holding.
Stepping slowly and carefully, you walked towards the bathroom stalls and stood still for a second.
Yeah. There it was.
Your mouth quirked up into a pleased smile when you heard the sound of heavy breathing coming from a stall to your left. Gasps and choked out little moans reached your ears and went straight into your core.
Kuuya was jerking off in that bathroom stall.
You licked your lips and kept moving slowly, much like a predator trying not to be seen. You slotted yourself into the stall right beside him and crouched on top of the toilet, effectively hiding your feet from him in case he looked down.
But from the sounds coming out of his stall, he was already way too cumbrained to notice anything around him.
You could hear the sounds of his hand rubbing his cock mercilessly as he groaned, probably a little louder than he should if he was trying to be subtle.
Your breathing became heavy.
You found yourself imagining his hand grabbing his shaft tightly, rubbing his thumb against the angry pink tip of his dick, smearing the beads of precum all over his length. His other hand would be lifting his shirt to pinch and pull at his nipple, eliciting those cute little gasps you kept hearing from where you were standing.
Begrudgingly, you undid your pants’ zipper and shoved your hand into your already leaking cunt.
His moans got louder, the lewd, wet sounds of him fucking his own hand going faster and you thought of how his cock would be twitching, balls heavy with cum tightening as a warning sign that he was about to come undone.
Your fingers circled your clit, eyes closed and mouth agape with a silent moan at how fucking hot he sounded and how filthy you felt for getting off to him without his consent – but it's not like he didn't do the same to you before.
A loud, shaky moan came out of him as he apparently came all over his own hand. You thought of how he would ride his own high, squeezing every last drop of his load out of his cock until the overstimulation would be too much and he'd halt his movements.
You heard him pant heavily, stopping your movements so he wouldn't hear the wet sounds of your pussy. You were so far away from your own high, but listening to his little mewls was more than worth the frustration.
Until he opened his mouth again to moan your name.
“I love you… I love you I love you I love you, fuckfuckfuck I love you so so much.. a-ah fuuuuck…” the sounds of him furiously jerking off reached your ears again and your eyes fluttered shut as you tried to control your breathing.
He kept moaning and whining your name over and over again, probably leaning against the stall's wall as everything began to shake in the same rhythm of his hips.
You bit your knuckle hard, trying to avoid making any sounds while you rubbed yourself, chasing your orgasm to the glorious sound of your pathetic stalker fucking himself silly in your workplace's bathroom.
His whiny, slutty voice sounded like honey, viscous and sweet – something that you would swallow eagerly, leaving your tongue heavy with his syrupy, nauseating taste.
You bit your knuckle harder as you felt the frustration of chasing a release that would not come, because you desperately wanted to taste him; to glide your tongue over his skin and memorize the salty flavor of his sweat and the musky scent of his body. Anything else would not work for you anymore.
You could eat him whole, truly. You needed your hands and your stomach and your pussy to be full of him. Urgently.
You stopped toying with your clit, allowing the anger of not even having a sad, unsatisfying orgasm wash over your body.
Kuuya seemed to finish much quicker this time, your name in his lips loud as he came a second time.
You looked down and bit your lip, pulling your own hair in frustration – you could see a few drops of his cum drip onto the bathroom floor, pitifully wasted.
Closing your eyes, you forced yourself to breathe deeply and closed your eyes.
First, you needed to get out of there without him noticing so he wouldn't have a mental breakdown and run away. And then, only after that, you could think of the next steps of your plan.
You allowed yourself to rest your head against the wall, waiting for him to clean himself up and leave.
It was so weird, this desperate attraction you had for Kuuya and how afraid you were of messing everything up. You had your previous crushes before, sure. But nothing was ever as strong as the desire you had to cradle that stupid man in your arms and keep him with you, safe.
You knew things were different once you found out he was obsessed with you and it still didn't extinguish that little fire inside of your core.
Usually, you'd lose interest in people as soon as they began expressing interest in you as well – you knew it was wrong and you had brought it up during therapy sessions, but it never really bothered you.
Until Kuuya.
When you confirmed your suspicions (that he was insanely obsessed and even went as far as stalking you) you felt a strange excitement bubble in your stomach – like you had achieved something.
It made you shiver in anticipation for those little moments in which your eyes would meet his and he'd blush furiously, or when you'd purposely brush your hand against his only to watch how he twitched and rubbed his thighs together.
You were addicted to him. You wanted him even more after finding out about his feelings, and that was new to you. That was something you weren't willing to let go.
And with that, came the fear that Kuuya might be just like you. What if he was an emotionally constipated mess like yourself? What if he lost all interest as soon as you gave him an opening? Just because he was different for you, didn't mean you'd be special to him, in the off case he had the same bad habits.
That was why you were so cautious, so slow in your movements. You didn't want him to run. You didn't want to lose the feeling of being reciprocated. You'd protect it the same way you'd protect a tiny flame against the whip of a merciless wind.
But after hearing him moan your name like a needy whore, you didn't think you could hold it in anymore.
Kuuya had already left for a good 5 minutes while you were lost in your thoughts.
You quickly cleaned yourself and walked towards the sinks to wash your hands. You looked at yourself in the mirror of the men's bathroom. Sweat stuck to your forehead and your face looked flush. You were out of breath and your heart beat fast and loud inside your ribcage.
You turned on the sink, splashing cold water against your face and, after you dried up, you stared at your reflection again.
Well. So Kuuya had loudly moaned your name as he fucked his own fist. And you had masturbated to the sounds of his gasps and mumbles of your name.
No matter how paranoid you were – you were very much sure you weren't fucking hallucinating any of that.
“Walk me home?” you went to his desk after you finished the last of the details in your reports, fully intent on taking him with you to your home.
‘It’s now or never’, you thought to yourself.
“S-sorry?” he sputtered.
“Walk me home?" you repeated "The rain stopped, but it's kinda late. I don't want to walk alone. It's too dark.”
He seemed to consider your request for way too long. Anxiety began bubbling in the pit of your stomach, and, for a moment, you thought it'd be better to just pretend you never asked anything, until he answered you.
“Okay… I can go with you.” he murmured, getting up and grabbing his shoulder bag.
You let out a breath of relief you didn't know you were holding, and smiled.
“Thank you, Kuuya!”
You didn't miss how he bit his lips and shivered at your words.
The walk home was uneventful, as you expected. Kuuya walked by your side and insisted on staying on the road's side of the sidewalk. You praised him for being a gentleman and he became a blushing and stuttering mess, but besides that, he was quiet.
You arrived at your door and Kuuya hovered right beside you, watching you fumble with your keys.
You weren't very good at hiding your anxiety after all.
Once the door opened, you stepped inside and held it for him.
“Come inside for a moment.” you murmured after clearing your throat.
You watched his throat bob up and down when he swallowed hard. He probably had many questions and, honestly, you couldn't blame him. You had no reason to invite him to your house.
At least not obvious reasons, that is.
He did as you told after a few seconds of hesitation, although he had confusion written all over his face.
“Why… why did you invite me in?” he finally asked while he watched you shrug off your coat and kick off your boots. You motioned for him to take off his shoes as well and leave them beside yours.
“Just something I gotta do.” you answered, observing him clumsily undo the knots on his shoes.
He cocked his head to the side, looking up at you.
“What?”
Once he was finished putting his shoes right beside yours, you beckoned him with your finger, and began walking deeper inside your house and towards your room, hoping he would follow.
He did, dumb shock plastered on his face, but still compliant.
You opened the door and motioned for him to enter. As soon as he was inside, you slammed the door behind you and locked it.
Kuuya's eyes were wide as he quickly turned to look at you. He seemed terrified, the poor thing, but this time you wouldn't back down. You couldn't.
“Shhh, it's okay. No need to be so scared” you shushed him as he opened his mouth, walking slowly towards him. You placed your hand on his chest and pushed him towards your bed.
When he plopped unceremoniously on the mattress, you looked at his pants.
He was already hard.
You smirked.
“Do you know why I brought you here?” you asked in a murmur while you leaned towards his trembling figure, wiping a few stray tears from his cheeks with your thumb and holding your weight over him with your other arm.
“N-no…?”
You cocked your head, actually surprised at his answer.
“Really? Are you really that clueless?” you traced his jaw with your finger, and he squirmed underneath you, rubbing his thighs together to get any friction on the bulge inside his pants.
“I…” he cleared his throat “I don't understand.”
“Well, I, for one, am not clueless you know.” your fingers traced the length of his neck, and you smiled when a few goosebumps pricked his skin.
He gulped.
“I know you jerked off to me earlier today.” you said flatly, with a sickening sweet voice while your finger now teased and rubbed his pebbled nipples through his shirt.
He gasped and you didn't know if it was from surprise or pleasure.
“I also know you followed me some weeks ago and jerked off in that bush outside my window.” you pointed to the window hidden behind your blinds and he followed your gaze, eyes watery and cheeks a bright red.
“And I know you steal my stuff and my trash so you can keep it.” he was still looking at your window when you palmed his bulge through his pants. He arched his back, moaning loudly, and you grinned maniacally at his reaction.
Pretty slut.
“Do you… D-do you think I'm disgusting?” he asked, shamelessly grinding his hips against your palm.
“Yeah, I do. I think you're disgusting and a creep.” he moaned at your words, but his eyes closed tightly, and a few more tears ran down his cheeks. He had a pained expression on his pretty face, like you had hurt his fragile feelings.
Apparently Kuuya knew how to tug on your heartstrings.
You moved your hand away from his pants, fully aware of the damp spot that had formed on the fabric.
“But so am I.” you completed and he opened his eyes wide, looking at you like you had just grown a second head.
“Seeing you so desperate and needy…” you shook your head in defeat “It does things to me, you know.”
“I-it does?” he asked, all doe eyed, blushing and hopeful. You sighed at the sight, trying to burn it forever into your brain.
“Mhm. Yeah. It makes me wanna eat you whole.”
Kuuya shuddered as you placed your hand back on his chest, gliding it towards his throat. You held his neck firmly for a second before you gently cupped his warm and reddened cheek. He leaned into your touch, closing his eyes like a cat.
“Will you let me, Kuuya?” you whispered.
“W-what?” He opened his still teary eyes, gazing at you expectantly.
“Will you let me eat you?”
A beat of silence went by and you almost felt the ugly head of shame peek into your mind, but then he nodded, a single tear falling onto your thumb.
“Y-yes.”
Like a thin thread snapping, you kneeled onto the ground and pulled his waist towards you, letting his legs hang limply on your sides. Your fingers trembled as you undid his belt buckle and you looked at him.
Kuuya was propping himself onto one of his elbows, his other hand covering his mouth as he watched you hastily take off his pants and boxers. His hard cock sprung free, leaking pathetically, and your mouth watered at the sight.
You were starving.
It was time to eat.
Kuuya felt like he was dreaming. Or maybe he died and his very own heaven (if he would even be allowed there) was having you suck his painfully hard cock.
He forced his eyes to stay open so he could watch you. The way your tongue swirled on his head and pressed mercilessly on his slit – you had barely put his cock inside your mouth and he already felt like he was melting.
He knew he was sounding pathetic. He whined and squirmed against your hands while you kept his thighs open. It was so good, it was feeling so good he was losing control of his body.
When you started bobbing your head, hollowing your cheeks to suck him harshly, he thought he would die. It had to be wrong, to feel this good. It was criminal.
Kuuya moaned like a whore and, deep inside, in the still conscious part of his mind, he wondered if you liked it. He hoped you did, he hoped his pathetic high pitched groans made you soak your panties because he couldn't control them.
Not when you were sucking him so good.
He bucked his hips against your mouth, the sound of your gag snapping him out of his daze for a moment so he could mumble a “sorry”, but then you moaned.
You moaned and the vibrations of your throat went through his cock and he lost it, completely. He held your head firmly, thrusting frantically into your mouth as he repeated “'m sorry! 'm sorry! 'm sorry!” until the words lost all meaning to him. With a stutter, his hips bucked again and he spilled inside your mouth, his slurred words elongating into a pornographic moan.
You opened your mouth wide, relaxing your throat as soon as his cum began spurting, eagerly swallowing the salty taste of him while he rode his orgasm until he couldn't take the stimulation of your soft mouth anymore.
As you dabbed the drops of cum that had spilled from your mouth, he suddenly wondered, in the back of his mind, if you already had any practice doing this kind of stuff. He panted, face warm and red, dick twitching while he looked at you wiping your mouth and licking your fingers. And he felt jealous at the thought.
He wanted to be the only one. He couldn't handle the thought of you touching anyone else like that. He hated it. Hated it. He had to be the only one you'd touch like that. God, he wished he could go back in time to prevent you from touching anyone else, just so you'd always be his alone.
A few angry tears pricked in the corner of his eyes and he tackled you to the ground, surprising you with a hug.
“K-kuuya?!” you squeaked, the air leaving your lungs went he laid all his weight on you.
Kuuya began rubbing his cheek against yours, sharing the sweat that stuck to his forehead with your face, making you grimace.
“W-what's wrong?” You asked in a murmur, after reciprocating his hug.
He whined wordlessly and began untangling himself from you, holding himself up by his trembling arms.
And, for a long moment, he just stared at you.
You thought he looked beautiful.
He wasn't exactly the most handsome man in the world, but to you, he looked angelic.
His lilac hair was disheveled and his face was flushed. His lips were a pretty red, as if he had bitten them too hard, and his eyes were half-lidded and clouded with lust and sheer adoration. It sent tingles down your spine. You wondered if anyone has ever looked at you like that, but you already knew that no one has ever held you in such high regard. It made your heart race and your core burn.
You could sear the image of him under your eyelids and you would never tire of it.
He was gorgeous.
You tucked a strand of damp hair behind his ear and then cupped his cheek. Your thumb rubbed his skin gently and his eyes fluttered shut. He began leaning against your touch again, before he stopped himself and opened his eyes. You looked at him, puzzled, when he averted his gaze.
“U-um…” he began, after clearing his throat. You kept quiet, allowing for him to continue.
“C-can I… um. Can I eat you too?” He mumbled, closing his eyes tightly. You felt your face tingle at his words and his adorable embarrassment.
“Yes” you murmured and he opened his eyes wide “Yes, please.”
Kuuya quickly sat up on his knees, and looked around, apparently finally realizing you two were laying on the ground.
“Do you… want to move to the bed?” he asked bashfully, and you chuckled.
“Yes, it'd be more comfortable.”
He got up, holding out his hand to help you up as well. He didn't really have enough strength to pull you up, so you just held his hand tightly, not wanting to reject his help, as you gracelessly lifted yourself from the ground.
As soon as you were standing, you began pushing the waistband of your pants down, but Kuuya's hands quickly stopped you, holding you tightly. You widened your eyes as you looked at him.
“I… want to do that.” he said, bashfully.
Wow. Who would have thought he'd be so brazen for once.
You smiled, nodding, and laid on your bed, making yourself comfortable.
You observed how Kuuya was already rock hard again and he had yet to touch you properly. He was insatiable for you and it made your pussy clench around nothing.
He was going to be the death of you.
Kuuya, in a sudden development, decided that it didn't matter what happened in the past. What happened, happened. All he needed to do was make you forget about it all.
He needed to be good. He needed to fuck you so good that you'd forget anyone you might have hooked up with in the past. He needed to make you addicted to his tongue, his fingers and his cock so you'd always go back to him for more.
Granted, he didn't know how he was going to do that since he was a literal virgin, but he hoped his enthusiasm would convince you to give him more chances, until he had mapped every little crevice of your body and all the little buttons that made you squirm.
Kuuya licked his lips, slowly pulling the hem of your pants down while he kneeled on your bed. The sight of your soaked panties made him gasp loud, and he had to grip the base of his cock tightly, hissing as he threw his head back. His Adam's apple bobbed up and down while he swallowed hard, concentrating on not allowing himself to cum.
He couldn't allow himself to cum untouched just by looking at your wet cunt. At least not in front of you. Not right there. He would, however, be filing this image inside the safest corners of his brain to become prime masturbation material later on, that's for sure.
He leaned in, warm and shaky breath hitting the damp spot on your panties. His tongue lolled out unconsciously and he licked a long stripe over the fabric of your underwear.
He was so sure he had died. That's the only possible answer for all the things happening right at that moment. Not only did you suck him, now he was tasting your pussy?
Oh god. He was tasting your pussy.
It was like something broke inside of him, allowing all of his obsession to spill over as soon as he pressed his tongue against you. He moaned loudly, ripping your underwear away only to grip it tightly in his hand as he, at last, dived into you.
He was going to keep it to himself as a prize.
Kuuya slurped and sucked and licked your wetness like a starved man. He wasn't focusing on the task at hand; instead, he was just getting drunk on your juices and your musk, moaning like someone who had just eaten the most delicious sweet. Oh he was so cute, all pussydrunk like that.
You hummed, gently holding a fistful of his hair as you grinded lightly against his eager tongue. You… probably weren't going to cum if he didn't suck you with a little bit more intent, but you figured you'd just let him enjoy himself for a bit more.
Just looking at his eyes rolling and hearing the sinful whimpers and grunts he was letting out was already doing something to you.
Soon enough, however, Kuuya seemed to discover that one little bundle of nerves. He gave it a few kitten licks before curling his lips against it to suck, and it was finally your turn to roll your eyes.
Your hand gripped his hair tighter and your back arched while he rolled his tongue against your clit; eyes wide when he realized he must have done something right.
One of his hands tentatively rubbed against your entrance and you cooed.
“Yes Kuuya, that's a good boy… Put one of your fingers inside me, baby”
He gasped against your pussy, the praise clearly making him lose his focus. A mean part of your brain thought about stuffing him with a butt plug just so you could make him wag a little tail whenever you praised him, but that would have to be an adventure for a later time.
He began pumping two fingers inside you, mouth going slack in awe once he heard the shlick of your wet cunt, and drool pooling at the side of his mouth.
He was so clueless and so, so cute. You couldn't help but think about actually making a mess of him.
“Kuuya” you said, not as a moan, but as a call. He stopped his motions for a second and looked at you – doe eyed, mouth and chin still glistening with your cum.
You licked your lips at the sight.
“I'll sit up a bit. I want you to lay down on the bed.” You said, as you shifted your position and rested your back against the headrest, making him crawl towards you to keep his head between your legs.
You watched as he slowly rested his body against the bed, a little yelp coming out of his lips when his hardened length pressed against the mattress.
“Good boy.” You praised him as you ran your knuckles on the sticky skin of his cheek and he whined.
“Now I want you to hump the bed while you eat me out.” you said, flatly.
Kuuya's eyes widened like saucers.
“W-what?”
“You're hard, aren't you?” You ran your hand through his head, caressing his hair gently “I want you to fuck the bed while you eat me out. I want to watch you move your hips like a pretty slut. Can you do that for me?”
He blinked, staying silent as you kept threading your fingers through his hair. The furious blush that spread through his face and neck was anything but unnoticeable.
“I can give you a pillow, if you'd rather hump it instead of the bed” you added, figuring he was probably already addicted to humping his own pillow like a dog in heat, so it wouldn't hurt to make him comfortable while he obeyed you.
“Y-yes… I would like a pillow then.” He whispered.
You mouthed an okay and gave him your favorite pillow – the one you usually hugged while sleeping. You wondered if he knew that. And by the way his eyes lit up when he saw the pillow, you figured he probably did.
“Take off your shirt? Please?” you asked him, after he positioned the pillow where he wanted it to be.
Kuuya pouted at your request, and as you were about to tell him he didn't need to do it if it made him uncomfortable, his trembling hands moved to unbutton his shirt slowly. You reached out to him, pausing his hands. He looked at you, sad puppy eyes glistening with tears.
“Do you want to take off your shirt? You don't have to if you don't want to.” you reassured him.
He sniffled, looking away.
“I-I don't mind.” he mumbled and you knew he was probably hiding his discomfort to please you and would never tell you the truth.
Kuuya seemed thirsty for your approval in every little thing, to the detriment of himself. It made a little monster inside of you roar with the desperate need to keep him tucked away, safe with you, just like a dragon who hoards gold in a faraway cave.
Your thumb caressed his still trembling hands.
“Then just leave these buttons undone. You don't have to take it off.”
“But-”
“Kuuya.” You said his name firmly, making him flinch despite the gentle touch of your hand against his. You noticed how his cock twitched at that as well. “It's okay. Now please be a good boy.”
You went back to your position against the headrest and opened your legs, pussy still dripping and throbbing with the lack of attention. He gulped, licking his lips and nodded furiously.
It was hard, coordinating his movements. All Kuuya had known his whole life was to jerk off or hump his pillow, but now he had to suck you, lick you, pump his fingers inside you AND hump your precious pillow. Not that he was complaining. He loved it. It was Heaven.
But he felt a bit self conscious about his abilities, or lack thereof.
Just like he was self conscious when you asked him to strip. He hated his body – he was so scrawny and weak-looking, he felt disgusting. What if you hated him? What if you wanted something else in a partner? He couldn't risk having you uninterested in him! Not when he got what he so desperately wanted!
Showing you his body would have to wait until he was either convinced you truly wanted him, or until he got you locked up in his apartment. The last option was the most tempting to him – having you shackled to his barred window would be a guarantee that you wouldn't run away after all.
But for now, all he could do was his best – all while suffocating you with his affections until you drowned in them.
The squelching sounds of your pussy as he pumped his fingers inside you were driving him insane.
Kuuya humped your pillow like a dumb dog in heat – his hips almost bounced against the bed with how hard and deep he was thrusting. He couldn't wait until he was balls deep inside your cunt, the leaky tip of his cock kissing your cervix until he filled you whole.
He felt dizzy. He half registered how loud his moans were; all he could think was about your cum all over his face and how he fucked your pillow, mean and fast.
“C-curl your fingers up, baby” you whined, pulling his hair, and this finally got his attention.
He acquiesced, because he was good. He was so good for you and he was going to learn everything you liked because no one else would ever touch your body ever again.
Only him.
And he had to learn it all to keep you satisfied and happy, so you'd praise him and fuck the brains out of him as a reward. It was the perfect exchange! You'd be his and he'd be yours and nothing could ever keep his grubby hands away from you now.
He would do whatever you asked.
He felt a spongy texture against the pad of his fingers, and when you mewled, legs spasming around him, he knew he had found gold, somehow.
He halted the movement of his hips to focus on swirling his tongue against your clit and fingering your cunt at an insane speed. He would for sure be extremely sore the next day, but he only cared about your loud moans and how your thighs were squishing his head so tight and so good.
When you finally came, he groaned at the feeling of your cunt squeezing his fingers inside you, pulling them deeper inside with a vice grip, and the taste of your cum wetting his whole face. He reached his own peak at the thought of how HE was the one who made you curl your toes and soak your bed sheets like that.
And another proof that he was made for you was added into his mind.
But it was too fucking much. For the first time in his life, Kuuya felt drunk. He needed more or he would die. He needed more more more more.
Maybe more than you could even give.
He didn't let you breathe at all.
As soon as your eyes fluttered open again, coming down from your high, he began crawling on top of you, panting like a feral dog. You watched as a sticky thread of his cum momentarily connected his dick to your now wet pillow and despite all that, he was still fucking hard. How was that even possible was beyond you, but you didn't have time to linger on those thoughts when he hovered over you.
“I wanna cum in you” he moaned, still moving his hips, humping your mound. His eyes were glazed over, like he wasn't all there with you, and his pupils were blown wide.
“I wanna cum in you” he repeated, panting, a little bit of drool spilling from the corner of his mouth “I need to cum in-inside you. I need to fill you up, please. Let me breed you? Please? I wanna be inside you and hnng- pump you full of my cum, please? Let me cum inside, please? Please please please let me breed you, please” he slurred nonstop, almost incoherently, while he frantically moved his hips like he couldn't control them.
He was so drunk with you that he was desperate and talking like he had never done before.
It was pathetic.
And so fucking hot.
“Shhh baby, it's okay” you cooed, petting his head to calm him down while your other hand squeezed his hip to try and still his movements “You can fuck me, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere.”
He whined, nodding his head and sniffling as a few tears ran down his cheeks, seemingly coming back to his senses a little bit.
“It's okay, love” you pulled his head towards you, cradling him on your chest. You kept on petting him, while your other hand softly scratched his back in order to calm him down.
Once his breathing was a little less erratic, you let him raise his chest again.
“You okay?” you murmured.
He nodded, rubbing his eyes. Then he looked down at his cock and back at you. You chuckled. He really was insatiable.
You threw your arms around his neck, eyes half-lidded.
“Then go on and fill me up” you murmured against his ear, enjoying the shiver that went down his spine.
You didn't need to ask twice.
Kuuya was so nervous.
He was about to be inside his love! He was about to fill them up with his cum, but the thought itself was already throwing him to the edge. He would have to do his best to not cum once he felt your gummy walls squeeze his cock.
Easier said than done.
Kuuya threw his head back again, a guttural moan erupting from his chest as soon as he got the head past your entrance. He heaved loudly, focusing so hard on not spilling himself so soon, whimpering whenever your walls clenched around him.
“Y-you okay?” you asked breathlessly and all he could do was nod with a pained expression on his face.
“It's okay, take it slow” you added, gently rubbing his thighs.
You were an angel, truly. Only you would have so much patience with someone as pathetic as him. He had to fuck you good! He had to show you that you could depend on him! This way you would keep pampering him like he so desperately needed.
Through pure determination, Kuuya pushed himself further, moaning pornographically with every inch that went inside you. Once you had taken him down his hilt, he exhaled, shakily.
“T-there you go…” you groaned “Filling me up so much, my good boy.”
Kuuya whimpered. He was torn between asking you not to say those things so he wouldn't cum, and lapping up your praise like a parched man.
He began moving, slowly thrusting in and out of your wet cunt, and he felt like he was melting all over again. He was going to be just a puddle, with how good it felt. You clenched tightly around his length like you were trying to milk him dry and he realized that he was probably going to be addicted to this from then on – there was no going back.
His nails dug into the plush of your hips as he began pounding into you, fast and erratic, the sounds of his balls slapping against your ass and the wet noise of his cock being drenched in your juices were so dirty and he loved it. He couldn't help the “Ah! Ah! Ah!” he kept letting out to the rhythm of his thrusts.
You were just so good, so made for him, so his.
With a sudden movement, Kuuya hooked his arms under your legs and pushed you. He always saw that position in those porn videos, and he always wanted to do it to you. The mating press. He wanted to push himself inside you as far as he could and then fill you up with his jizz. Ah, just thinking about it made his cock twitch inside of you.
He wondered if you could feel his fast and loud heartbeat in your pussy, since his cock was so damn hard. It would be almost painful if it wasn't for your glorious wetness sucking him in so good and taking care of him.
You grabbed one of Kuuya's hand and brought it to your clit, urging him to draw little circles on it to bring you over that edge. He rubbed it quick and merciless, looking down at how your pussy was swallowing his cock, so wet that a ring of white had formed around its base as he fucked you, and how your clit also twitched under his fingers.
Not long after, you felt your abdomen tighten and your walls clench around him as you reached your orgasm, arching your back while you desperately pushed his hand away from your clit to avoid overstimulation.
Watching you cum so hard because of his very own ministrations made Kuuya cross over that edge right away as well. With a high pitched moan, he spurted his load inside you – so much cum that it spilled down to your bed and Kuuya mindlessly tried to push it back into you while he rode his high.
His chest was heaving and his eyes were glazed over, the look of pure adoration still visible in his pink orbs as he looked at you, sweaty and thoroughly fucked (by him! Not by a toy! Much less another man! Not ever again.)
He wanted more. He needed more. He felt like he could cum over and over again inside you and fuck you silly for hours on end.
But as he opened his dry mouth to say these words, a sudden tiredness took over his body and his eyelids got impossibly heavy.
Kuuya fell down into your arms, unconsciously snuggling your figure, his softening dick still inside you as he cuddled your body and placed kisses on your sticky skin. It wasn't long until his breathing became steady and sleep took over his body.
You decided you'd let 5 or 10 minutes pass before you'd wake him up in order to drink some water, eat some protein bars and join you in the shower so you two could clean up.
But damn it, was he adorable while sleeping. He had a little pout on his bottom lip, but besides that, his face finally looked relaxed. The first time you've seen him like that in all those months you two have been coworkers.
Pride swelled in your chest as you thought about how you're the first one to ever see him like that.
The scared wet cat finally in your arms, ready for you to coddle, kiss, fuck, take care of and protect from any harm.
You unconsciously tightened your hold on him, feeling a wave of possessiveness so vile that it made you dizzy for a second.
It was a bit too much, what you seemed to feel for him. But you weren't willing to analyze that at that moment. He was right there in your arms, clutching you like you were his lifeline – and that was more than enough for you.
At least your anxiety and paranoia had been completely quelled. If he was so desperate to fuck you after you confessed you were a bit creepy for him as well, then maybe it was okay for you to be more upfront with your desires, just like he was.
Even though he truly would never guess he was being so obvious.
It was so cute, how he thought you really didn't know about anything he ever did. Not the stalking, nor the stealing. And not even the little thoughtful things he could straight up tell you because you'd genuinely appreciate them.
However, regardless of him telling you or not, you just knew everything. Your poor little baby wasn't very subtle, after all.
Therefore, you very much knew Kuuya had stayed behind with you at work just because he knew you'd be there. He thought he was elusive, but you could pick up his intentions from miles and miles away. As soon as you first saw him idling alone in that kitchen, it all clicked perfectly in your head.
Kuuya was so silly and so dumb, sometimes. But it was okay because that made him so, so cute that you could eat him up.
Over and over and over again.
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Recently I decided to go to my local fighting game tournament.
Here's how it went.
I had been getting pretty good at Guilty Gear over the past few weeks, to the point where I was getting the input correctly for the Potemkin Buster 1 out of every 4 or 5 times I tried it. So I thought "I might not be the best yet, but, surely good enough for my local" -- and I decided to go.
It took place at a the comic & games store in the town center. The venue was full of people 10-15 years younger than me and even more drastically cooler. They all turned to glare at me as I walked through the door, but as I stood completely motionless like a gazelle hoping to blend into the grassland, their gazes slowly returned to each other and they continued to banter friendlily.
I sat down next to me first opponent, and reached out to shake their hand. They looked down at my hand, and then up at my eyes slowly.
"You're supposed to do that at the end of the match."
"Oh, s-sorry"
I got perfected twice and lost the match. At the end, I reached out again to shake their hand, but they just stood up and walked away.
Because I lost, I got moved down to the loser's bracket, which was literally below the main tournament because it took place in the basement of the comic shop. I could hear footsteps, cheering, and happy conversation in the floor above. Here in the loser's bracket though, the mood was a lot more somber.
My next opponent reminded me a little bit of me. They were equally nervous and disheveled looking. They said "Um, h-hello" and reached out their hand for a handshake as they saw me approaching. I said "you're s-supposed to do that at the end of the match." But as a look of deep sadness came over their face and they slowly put down their hand, I pulled them in for a hug.
I'm not sure why I did that.
I think that some part of me knew that, in this dark, dank, alien place, illuminated only by a single failing ceiling light and the neon glow of a few arcade machines, I had at last found a friend -- someone I understood, and who might understand me too.
They hugged back.
I lost that match by a very narrow margin, and as they jumped up and began dancing around and cheering ecstatically, I began to hate them. This was no friend of mine. A friend would not do this to me. After they were done dancing, they reached out to shake my hand. After a few seconds of pause, I stuck out my hand too, but didn't look at them and refused to close it around theirs as they grasped it. They shook my karate chop.
I thought that at that point, since I had lost and then lost in loser's bracket, I was free to go home. But one of the tournament organizers approached me and informed me that I was going down to sub-loser's bracket in the sub-basement of the store, and pointed me towards a descending staircase.
The people there were fewer, and it was darker. I could faintly hear sobbing in one of the corners, but as I went to investigate, another participant put his hand on my shoulder. He furrowed his brow in a look of pain and shook his head slowly.
"You can't do anything for them."
In sub-loser's bracket I went up against a man in a suit whose face was cloaked in shadow. He spammed May's dolphin move. I lost.
As I went to go back upstairs, one of the tournament organizers held out her palm to stop me, and pointed towards a staircase leading further down instead.
Going down through the levels, I lost to many interesting participants. One player played exclusively by bashing the controller against his face. One player was a mushroom with a few circuit cables clipped onto it, that I later learned was able to play because its bioelectrical signals got sent to a machine that interpreted them as fighting game inputs. One player didn't touch their controller at all, but instead just told me their life story, which was so tragic that I picked up their controller and won for them.
Finally, at the very bottom floor, where construction standards were long abandoned and the stairs and walls were just messily carved out of the earth's stone, I faced my final player. It was a small bit of metal framework, with a controller nestled in it. On it was a tiny piston that just pressed the jab button exactly once every second. I lost.
I hung my head for a moment, then said "close game" and stuck my hand out for a handshake, before remembering that I had played against a metal framework cube with a piston in it and retracting my hand slowly. Then I heard a slow clapping from the darkness.
"No neutral. No footsies."
Out of the darkness slowly walked a woman about my age, clad in a decorative poofy dress that looked more expensive than my entire life savings. She smiled at me warmly, continuing to clap slowly, but there was a hint of mischief in her eyes.
"No meter management. No mixups. No spacing. No learning. No strategy…
…You're perfect."
"Wh-what?"
"You're perfect. I absolutely must have you."
"Have me for…um…for what…"
(Her eyes went wide as her smile grew more manic.)
"WHY, MY MORON FAILSON HAREM OF COURSE."
"Um, I-I"
"Tell me, what do you do for a living? Let me guess, you work at a fast food restaurant? Or, retail?"
"No, I'm a--I'm a comic artist."
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Oh my god, you are PERFECT. What will it take to get you."
"To-to ge--"
"You would be well taken care of, of course. 3 Michelin star dining for every meal. Only the finest, softest sweatpants and sweatshirts, pre-stained with whatever flavor of Takis your little heart desires. You would have access to the entire mansion except for the main foyer when I'm in business calls, and you could make all the comics and play all the fighting games you want."
"I'm uh--"
I knew that I had to think fast here.
"I'm already i-in a moron failson harem."
"Oh, DARN IT!! TELL ME, WHO IS IT??? WHO GOT YOU??"
"I-I think I'm not allowed to s-sa--"
She stomped her foot petulantly, her shoe clacking against the stone floor.
"WAS IT SHUXUAN?? IT'S ALWAYS SHUXUAN HOGGING ALL OF THE GOOD ONES."
"I-I'm sorry," I blurted out, shuffling along the wall to make a wide radius around her and then running up the staircase.
As I got home and began making my standard dinner of Trader Joe's microwave falafel, I thought about her offer. Maybe I should have taken her up on it after all. A 3 Michelin star meal right now wouldn't be so bad.
Then I hopped on Guilty Gear and lost 22 matches in a row.
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so high school | 𝖑𝖍𝖘
୨୧ pairing: lee heeseung x fem!reader ୨୧ word count: 6.8k ୨୧ genre: fluff, smut ୨୧ tags: basketballplayer!heesung, nerd!reader, tutor!au, high school au, oral (f + m receiving), penetration (all characters are of age!), light choking ୨୧ synopsis: You and your boyfriend are complete opposites on paper—you, the girl hidden inside a book, and Heeseung, the star of the basketball team—but it feels so right every time you’re together.
Heeseung at the free-throw line, certain he will make the basket and win the championship, turns to look at you in the stands. The sounds of his coach, taunts from the opposing team, encouragement of his teammates, and commotion of the final game of the season all fade into the background. To him, all that matters besides the ball in his hands is you.
You, amongst the others in the crowd with their hearts in their mouths, have no fears for your boyfriend. The star player who’s going to make history has never given you doubts before in his talents. All you can do is smile, incredibly proud and incredulous at the thought that he is all yours and nobody else’s.
It’s almost unimaginable how the two of you found each other, coming from completely different worlds. But like all stories, similar to the ones you’ve read since childhood, the story of you and Heeseung has a clear beginning…
AUGUST
“Do you ever stop to—I don’t know—not read?” Jungwon asks, jotting down notes in his notebook.
You giggle and flip the page. “It’s the last book on Choi’s summer reading list. Besides,” you retort, looking directly at your best friend, “how else would I be able to read and still remember what you just said to me if I didn’t practice?”
“Fuck off.” You lightly knock his shoulder with yours.
Even though it was still very early in the school year, you still had a lot to concentrate on with the month coming to an end. Like the first novel Mrs. Choi selected on her extensive reading list. You planned to discuss it with the members of the school’s book club, your notes already tucked in your backpack for today’s Friday meeting.
Now, sitting with Jungwon in the hallway as you eat your lunch, your focus is solely on finishing the last fifty pages of the last book in the list Mrs. Choi created. Jungwon closes his notebook and gets up from his spot next to you. “Alright, I gotta head to Chem. I’ll see you after school!” With a wink, he runs down the hallway and disappears down the corner.
Who you don’t expect to pop up next to disturb the sudden quiet of the surrounding area is Lee Heeseung, star shooting guard for the school’s basketball team. You never spoke to him before, but his reputation and family’s legacy preceded him. His brother was the shooting guard for the team years ago, breaking numerous records before he graduated. Now, Heeseung’s definitely filling his brother’s shoes and then some.
As a person, however, you know nothing about the boy at all. This year, though, you shared the same English class with Mrs. Choi. She cared little for his extracurriculars or persona around campus; what mattered to her was the effort of her students and the quality of the classwork.
Heeseung passes you by on his way towards his destination, not sparing a glance. You sit attentively as he knocks on Mrs. Choi’s classroom door.
She answers after a moment, a somber smile on her lips. “What can I do for you, Mr. Lee?”
He clears his throat and asks her, “You saw my message and I—“
“I am aware, Mr. Lee. My response still stands. Is there something else you need?” Mrs. Choi sees you out of the corner of her eye, but she doesn’t acknowledge your snooping.
“I will do anything to correct my last assignment. Please,” Heeseung begs.
“Mr. Lee, the cutoff for submissions was last week. I’m sorry, but your grade is final.” She sighs and looks at her watch.
“There’s nothing I can do to bring it up before the first game?” Heeseung asks, his voice growing thin from his frustration. He’s not rude, but clearly disappointed he isn’t getting his way with his big eyes and pleading words.
“How about this? I’ll tell Coach Sung you’re working on a paired project to make up the grade.”
“Perfect.” Heeseung breathes a sigh of relief before he takes in the rest of her sentence. “Wait, who’s my partner?”
Mrs. Choi extends her arm out to point in your direction. Immediately, you want to tuck yourself in your book and hide. You did not intend for your interest in their conversation to put you right in the middle of it, and now you wish you hadn’t feigned curiosity at all.
“She’s one of my best students, so you’re in great hands.” She turns her head so both you and Heeseung can hear her. “I’ll send both of you the information for the project later today.”
You didn’t notice Heeseung had kept his focus on you until you broke your stare-off with Mrs. Choi. Her lips are upturned in a secret smirk when you turn your attention to him.
Heeseung isn’t bad to look at, the definition of his muscles peeking out of his shirt in multiple places and his brown hair falling into his face. Each piece of his physical being represents the epitome of a Greek god’s form. But the fact neither of you had ever interacted up to this point is what scares you more than his intimidatingly good looks.
When Mrs. Choi gently closes the door, Heeseung awkwardly walks over to your position, towering over you. Ironically, his presence physically embodies your feelings towards him, this stranger now being shoved into your life.
“I’m Heeseung.”
You give him a close-lipped smile and extend your hand out to him, your name leaving your lips immediately. Displaying fake confidence, you hope he can’t tell how terrified you are.
His eyes brighten when his hand touches yours. You stand up, hand still in his, and the feeling of his palm against yours causes you to fumble your next words. “S-so I guess I should give you my number. I mean so once we get the assignment—“
Heeseung smirks. “Usually girls flirt a little more before asking for my number.”
You scoff and tuck your book closer. “I was offering to give you mine, actually. For educational purposes.”
The noise of his laughter fills the small corridor. “Right.”
You roll your eyes, suddenly feeling annoyance creeping under your skin. “Well, if it’s that hard to swap information, you can find me after school in the library.” You walk away, but Heeseung follows quickly behind.
“I have practice once the last bell rings.”
You look at him with serious eyes, not bothering to stop your stride towards the stairs. “Tell Coach you can’t make it.”
“Are you nuts?” Heeseung says, eyes wide.
You smirk. “You have to get your grade up to play, right?”
You watch the clock in the library with scrutiny. Members of the book club have been gone for half an hour, but you chose to stay behind. School let out an hour ago, and yet you’re still holding out hope Heeseung will come. But every minute that goes by proves you have to face facts: you’re now forced to collaborate with a stereotypical jock.
Mr. Kim, the head librarian, puts the disorganized books on the shelves as you tap your pencil on the table. “Waiting for someone? You don’t usually stick around this late,” Mr. Kim says with a smile.
You grin back, the sentiment not reaching your eyes. “You could say that.”
After another ten minutes of silence, you give up. You begin packing up your belongings, shaking your head and mumbling to yourself the entire time. Curse your interest in the guy and his lack of care for his academics. No wonder his grade was in the tank already. What was the point of athletics if he didn’t have other prospects to fall back on?
Just as you’re walking out of the library, Heeseung runs into you. Sweat’s dripping from his forehead and his breaths are labored. Clearly, he chose basketball over your project. You want to punch him for putting you both in this position.
“I swear I was going to blow off practice,” Heeseung says, but he can see your doubt in his words on your face.
“Sure. How about this? Figure out how to do the project on your own.” You press your body into his to push him out of your way. He follows in suit and rubs the spot you shoved, pretending to be wounded.
It only fuels your ire. You’ve only spoken to the jerk twice and you’re already tired of him treating every word you say and feeling you have like a joke. “Is failing that amusing to you?”
Heeseung’s expression immediately goes cold. “I’m not failing.”
“Sure. So Choi’s just doing this to torture you.”
He weighs his response in his mind before answering. “I may not be perfect, but Choi is really hard on grading.”
“That first assignment was just about what your future looks like after high school.” You push your backpack over your arm. “Excuse her for thinking you had plans outside of throwing a ball around a field.”
That laugh of his may just be the end of your life. He chuckles hard and puts a hand out to stop you. “First of all, that’s football.” He tries to make you look at him directly, but you refuse, too angry to give into what he wants.
He continues anyway. “Second, basketball is my life. Past, present, future, okay? Without it, I don’t even know where I’d be.”
His voice is sincere, more honest than it’s been before. Regardless, your understanding and disappointment is evident. “Don’t you think that that’s the problem?”
“It hasn’t been one before. Suddenly I say it out loud and it’s an issue?” Heeseung’s voice raises a decibel, clearly agitated and back to his cold exterior.
If he wants to fight about this, you’re game.
“No,” you say, matching his vocal level. “The issue is that your focus is solely on basketball when there’s more important things in life than a dumbass court and sweaty guys trying to make touchdowns.”
“You’re mixing up your sports analogies, angel.” Heeseung steps closer, testing your boundaries. Your chest heaves up and down, your breath labored. You may just slap him if he gets closer.
“You know what I mean.”
“Are you going to help me or not?” A fraction of his expression slips. His eyes challenge you in both irritation and anxiety. The bravado’s merely a mask for the fear that he’ll lose the one thing he wants the most in this world. And did you have it in you to be the reason he couldn’t have it?
You sigh and rub your palm across your forehead. “Tomorrow, meet me at the marketside pier. 8 AM. Take it or leave it.”
He releases a humorless chuckle. “You’re not gonna make this easy are you?”
“Not on your life.”
Heeseung is there at one of the pier’s wooden picnic tables with his materials sprawled out when you arrive at 7:45. You weren’t expecting for him to be there on time, much less earlier than you. The sun reflects off of his hair, turning the brown curls almost orange. Like the first time you saw him, you can’t help but be reminded that he is painstakingly attractive.
You give him a shy smile and put your backpack down next to you.
“I can tell you’re surprised,” Heeseung says with a small smile.
“A bit, yeah.” You unzip your bag to grab your English textbook. “I thought on the weekends you typically do…’fitness stuff.’” He laughs at your air quotes.
“Well, to be honest, I wake up at 6 AM every morning for drills with my dad.”
Your eyes go wide. “Wow.”
“Yeah. Like you said, my sole focus is on that damn ball,” Heeseung says, opening his own textbook. “But I want to change that.”
“So you can keep playing,” you remind him, teasing the poor guy.
“Half true,” Heeseung says. “But I shouldn’t have left you hanging, yesterday.”
You nod. “I appreciate your apology.” You grab a pencil from your bag, pushing on the eraser until the lead pops up. “And I shouldn’t have been so judgmental. You have to be good at stuff besides basketball, even if it’s not studying.”
“Hey! I’m doing well in all my other classes, thank you very much.” You both share a minute of laughter. “But, to be honest, I do like to sing.”
You roll your eyes. “Okay, Troy Bolton.”
“For real! One day, I’ll take you to karaoke. I won’t make fun of you if you can’t keep up with me.”
“Okay, we’ll see.” You direct his focus back on to the page. “Now, onto Shakespeare.”
SEPTEMBER
Although Heeseung took his sweet, laborious time to translate and understand Shakespeare’s old English, the project went off without a hitch. Mrs. Choi was even surprised herself, in disbelief you pulled such an expansive and well-thought analysis out of the quintessential jock.
Now, it seemed the best next step to keep Heeseung on the right track was to sit him right next to you. Your initial partnership continued to benefit him in both his success in English and focus on academics, possibly for the first time in his high school career.
Better than that, he may have found a new friend in you that he wouldn’t have had otherwise.
By the end of one Tuesday class, Heeseung asks you to have lunch with him and his friends, a request that makes your previous seating buddy in English, Yujin, freak out.
Both her and Jungwon corner you on your way out when you tell them the news.
“No fucking way,” she whispers excitedly, slapping you on the back with vigor.
“That hurt,” you moan.
“Are you prepared?” Jungwon asks, smirking.
“Prepared for what?”
“The lion’s den, dude! You’re gonna be with not just his douche friends, but also the cheerleaders, other sports players…be prepared for the worst,” Jungwon grumbles.
“Oh shut up, Won!” Yujin threatens to hit him too, but he retracts. “Have fun on your pseudo first date.”
“It’s not a date!”
By the time lunch comes around, you hold yours with shaky hands, searching the lunch courtyard for the jock’s table. You usually sat with Jungwon or Yujin in the hallway of the English department to eat. Now, you’re a small fish in a big pond, waiting to be eaten alive.
Was it, in fact, a date, like your friends hypothesized? Did you have to try and impress Heeseung more than normal? Did you want Heeseung to take you on a date, real or fake, to begin with?
"Hey!"
Heeseung waves you over with a confident but over-exaggerated arm, flapping it wildly so you notice. He didn't need to do that, though; you could pick out his voice in any crowd.
You walk over with a smile and sit down, feeling small next to the strangers you had not met until this moment. The basketball team's not unwelcome, but they are awkward at your sudden presence at their usual lunch table, even if Heeseung made it known beforehand that you would be hanging out with them to eat.
He says your name and introduces you to his friends. "And that's Sunghoon, Jeongsong, and Jaeyun." You recognize the last two, Jay and Jake. Jake, the strikingly blonde one, has Chemistry with you this year. He smiles and tips his soda can at you in acknowledgement.
"Hee was telling us you’ve been saving him this term in English. Choi can be a pain in the ass, am I right?" Sunghoon and Jeongsong share a laugh, but you bristle at the comment.
"Not really," you say. "Choi sponsors my book club, so we have a good relationship. I think that's why she wanted me to whip Heeseung into shape in the first place." You elbow Heeseung in the side, and he grins in response.
"She's probably right."
"Book club kid, huh?" Jake asks. "Haven't been one of those since elementary school."
Jake's comments make the entire team laugh. Your cheeks turn pink and Heeseung takes a sip from his drink, his posture stiffening in the process.
"It's not a bad thing though," Jake interjects amidst their laughter. "Books are fun."
"A bit nerdy, though," Sunghoon comments.
A girl next to Sunghoon smacks him hard in the arm, but he just pokes his tongue at her.
Your anxiety spikes sitting there with all of these people, your gut feelings a reminder that they’re all a part of Heeseung’s world, not yours.
You clear your throat and stand up from the table. “I forgot to say, Hee, I have to do something for Choi anyway.” Heeseung’s face turns down at the corners. The only audible response you receive is from Jay and Sunghoon in the form of snickers.
”Run along, pet,” Sunghoon comments with a smirk.
You hope your eyes give the offense you won’t bother saying out loud. Fuck off, asshole.
When you make it to your usual lunch spot, Yujin and Jungwon are surprised to see you walking down the hallway.
”What happened?” Yujin asks.
”Exactly what Won said was going to happen,” you confess, sitting down in a criss-cross position beside her. “Now give me your chips.”
When the end of the day comes around, Heeseung catches you on your usual trek to the bus. “You’re forgiven, by the way.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “What did I do?”
”You left me alone with my shithead teammates! I needed you there for backup, y’know.” He smirks and grabs your backpack from your shoulder to put around his arm. “I’m sorry about them. Sunghoon, mostly.”
”Can’t believe you’re friends with that guy,” you mumble.
”He’s the only one who I’m not friends with, truthfully. The others are cool. They’re just not used to new people.”
”I never would have guessed.”
Heeseung’s laugh is hearty, with a dazzling smile to match. You can almost forget the heap of embarrassment you felt earlier when you look at him like this, carefree and youthful.
“Anyway, let me give you a ride,” he offers, pointing to the senior parking lot. His car is freshly washed, its coat of paint identical to the school’s colors of blue with silver accents.
”What will your friends say?” you ask with a fake gasp.
”Fuck them. Besides, you’re also one of my friends. Now let’s go.” He takes your hand to walk in the direction of his car, not releasing your palm until you’re at his passenger side door.
As you give him directions, your mind goes back to the labels you had been running through in your mind all day. Were you Heeseung’s friend? Yes. Did you want to be more? Surely he didn’t just ask anyone to have lunch with him and his friends if he didn’t have other intentions, right? So, in that case, did yours match his?
A part of you wants to say yes, but the rational piece keeps you in check. It’s ridiculous to expect more than a friendship. How could you when it was so obvious your worlds were so far from each other, your friendship a simple fluke? You were grateful for his presence in your life, knowing without him it would be a bit darker, but would it last?
Yet here you were. Sitting happily in his car, hair blowing in the wind as his thumb grazes the outside of your hand, you try to enjoy all the time you do have together.
OCTOBER
”This is ridiculous!”
”Come on, just try it!”
”When did I ever say I was good at sports?” You groan, holding the ball in your hands with nervous fingers. The basketball court at your local park is occupied only by you and Heeseung, but it feels as though there’s a thousand people in the metal stands watching you, waiting for you to mess up.
”You said if I passed the last test you would let me show you how to make a free throw.” Heeseung has his hands in his pockets, his letterman jacket flapping in the autumn wind.
“If I suck at this, you’re never going to talk to me again. Just watch.” You try to dribble the ball across the court, but it falls between your legs before you can travel any further.
Heeseung puts his face behind his hand, clearly chuckling to himself. You scoff at him and the response you saw coming the second he put the ball in your hands. “See? I told you you would think I’m embarrassing!”
He raises his hands in defense. “I’m sorry, okay? It’s just cute, that’s all.”
”’Cute’ is probably the nicest way you could say I’m embarrassing.” You kick the basketball in his direction. He catches it without any effort, his face still shaped in a state of enjoyment.
”I said cute because I meant cute, you dork.” He steps to the free-throw line and motions for you to join him. You do, grumbling and grunting the entire way.
”Now, you have to relax. The only way you have half a shot at making the basket is if you stop tensing up.” He hands you the ball again and steps behind you.
He puts his hands on your hips. his palms soft against your hoodie. You can practically feel the heat of his skin through the material of your clothing, and you hope he can’t tell how much your heartbeat has spiked from him being so close to you.
”Next thing is to bend your knees. They can’t be locked up.” You listen to his words, trying not to focus on how his body is making yours react. You may be imagining it, but even his voice sounds a bit breathless from the small distance between yourself and him.
His lips are ghosting over your ear when he says, ”Now shoot.”
You release the ball from your hands, hoping the angle of your throw and Heeseung’s directions will prove you’re partially competent.
And sure enough, the basket makes it in a single whoosh. You turn in Heeseung’s grasp, releasing a happy cheer. “That was amazing!”
You feel the rush of the shot in your veins, but suddenly the only thing that makes your body hum in pleasure is the sudden crash of Heeseung’s lips against yours.
Unsure how to react, you stand there frozen in place as his mouth moves on its own accord. But slowly, surely, happily, you fall deeply into his embrace. You wrap your arms around his shoulders and feel the press of his tongue against your mouth, begging for entrance.
You comply, letting the feeling of him and the thrill of this private moment in both of your worlds fill you to the brim with quiet pleasure and happiness.
[LHS] Can we talk, please?
[LHS] Did I do something wrong??
[LHS] IDC if you don’t respond. I’ll keep texting until you say something…
[LHS] Don’t leave me hanging :(
You sigh and throw your phone to the other side of the bed, tucking your comforter closer to your chest. Deciding to stay home from school was probably not the best way to handle your problems, but just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’re sensible all the time.
This weekend’s excursion with Heeseung was beautiful, no doubt. But the fears continued to creep in with little regard for how happy he made you that day or all the days that came before it. Would how he felt about you last any longer than his basketball season? Did he entertain this simply for the fact that it was entertainment and nothing more?
The thoughts had been too much when you said goodbye to him on your doorstep with another hasty, giddy kiss and all the hours following it. Maybe you were self-sabotaging, but it was better to manage expectations now than be crushed in the aftermath.
When Yujin calls you during lunch, you have half a mind to ignore it. You answer anyway to avoid your friends thinking something drastic happened.
”Hello,” you mumble, the effects of your late morning nap hitting you.
”Dude, Heeseung’s on a tear today. He even asked Jungwon where you were, and I didn’t even think he knew the kid existed. What the hell happened on Saturday?”
Before you can respond, you hear the sound of your doorbell. “I gotta go. I’ll tell you later.” You hang up, hastily grabbing your fuzzy robe before running downstairs.
You don’t bother looking through the peephole to see who it is, but you curse yourself for not doing so when you’re confronted with Heeseung. He’s a sweaty and panting mess, but he doesn’t care for his appearance. His face morphs into relief when he sees you staring back at him.
”Thank God,” he says before stepping closer to you. He runs his hand over your forehead, frowning. “You’re not sick.”
You shake your head.
”So, you just ignore me all weekend and then don’t show up to school today?”
You sigh. “I didn’t know what to say when I saw you.”
He gulps, his Adam's apple bobbing. “So you chose not to see me at all? Was kissing me that terrible?
”No!” You run a frustrated hand through your hair, the spot in your hallway suddenly too cramped. You push him back outside and close the door behind you. “I don’t regret it at all. And I’d do it again if I could.”
Heeseung smirks at that, clearly happy with your response. “So, what’s the problem?”
”The problem is that when you get bored of me, things won’t go back to normal for me like they will for you, Hee. You may think this is a game but—“
Heeseung’s sudden laugh is marked with a bitterness. His eyes grow serious, so much so your words stop short because of his stone expression
”Do you think that little of me?”
Your body tenses at his words, unsure how to respond. You have never thought of him as lesser than once, not since getting to know him. But maybe only looking at your feelings regarding your relationship compromised his own in the process.
He steps closer, your faces an inch apart. “Two months ago, I didn’t realize how much my life was going to change because of you. All I thought about before was basketball. And now, you’re one of the only things outside of that damn game that matters to me. When I haven’t talked to you or seen you for too long it’s like there’s this rock in my gut that I can’t get rid of. I kissed you because I wanted to, not for fun or because it’s this momentary thing.
”So, if you still think I’m going to get bored of you in a few days or weeks or months, then you really aren’t as smart as I thought you were, angel. Because I’m not going anywhere.”
Breathless would be too small of a word to describe how his speech affects you. You feel the same buzz of his kiss from a few days throughout your entire body from his words alone. It makes every worry and fear that has plagued you evaporate, replaced with his promises and all the reasons you should jump in headfirst without another thought.
So you do.
You kiss him hard, crashing into his lips and hoping all of the feelings he harbors reflect in the actions of your mouth. You hold onto him with your hands on his neck and the smoothness of your lips in a beautiful rhythm with each other.
Whatever happens next, you know there’s no turning back now.
NOVEMBER
“And Sim, our prime point-guard, passes to Lee. Lee has ten seconds to make another three pointer and win the game. Will he do it? Time to find out!” Kim Sunwoo screams into the microphone, broadcasting the highlights of the semi-final game to the many listeners not attending in-person.
Lucky for you, you have the perfect spot in the stands to watch Heeseung make the winning basket and lead the team to victory.
The crowd roars when your boyfriend secures the team’s spot in the championship game. His teammates lift him up above their heads and shoulders, chanting his name and holding him with all of their strength. Heeseung immediately searches the crowd for you, his excitement fueling his newfound focus.
When he does see you, clapping your hands and cheering with the rest of the bystanders, he kisses the inside of his palm and shoots it in your direction like he’s making another basket. Your heart squeezes at the gesture, but you only blush and wink.
Ever since that day on your doorstep, you can’t seem to separate yourself from him or the feelings he stirs up inside of you. The thought and reality of not seeing or hearing from him for too long immediately dampens your spirits, just like Heeseung described to you when he confessed. Jungwon calls you “lovesick fools” every time you both are in his presence, but it’s not that. The love you feel for your boyfriend is one that strengthens every sense, impulse, and desire. Without it and him, that’s when you feel the weakest. And every time Heeseung smiles at you or holds you close, you can tell he feels the same.
Whether your worlds were the exact same or as different as they possibly could be, you both made your own perfectly fit for just the two of you.
The outside world has to creep in every once in a while, though.
At the end of the night, Heeseung’s arm is wrapped perfectly around you as you walk. You discuss your shared plans for the night and subsequent weekend since your parents are away at a work conference. Heeseung stops short when he sees his father waiting at his car with crossed arms.
“Good job, Hee,” He says first and foremost. “Saw you lost a bit of steam in the third quarter, though. We’ll have to do some more conditioning before the final.”
And there it was. The judgment you saw so often in conversations between Heeseung and his father that made you ache for the boy you loved. As his father, he should’ve been proud to see his sons succeeding, one of them off and playing for a world-renowned team and the other on his way there. Instead, all they received was judgment. It wasn’t your place, but you couldn’t wait for the day Heeseung stood up to him.
“At least I made the winning basket, right?” Heeseung shrugs off the criticism with a laugh and holds you closer. “We have to go eat, so—“
“Of course.” His father moves out of your way. “Lovely to see you again, darling,” He says to you with a small smile as he opens the passenger door for you. You return his greeting, suddenly uncomfortable with how close he is.
On your drive to your house, you try to help Heeseung destress with a hand on his thigh. “Don’t let him get to you,” you say sadly.
He smiles and gives you a knowing stare. “I’ve been dealing with him my whole life. He doesn’t have that power anymore.” He takes your hand from his thigh to hold it tightly in his own palm. “Besides, I’m one step closer to the championship and I got my girl next to me. Nothing’s getting in the way of my good night.”
You set your backpacks down at the door when you step inside your house. Heeseung follows you to the kitchen. While you’re finding the flier with the number of your favorite takeout restaurant, Heeseung presses his lips to your neck. The trail of his kisses going from the back of your ear to the start of your collarbone makes you shiver.”
“Hee,” you warn him. “We won’t be able to eat if you keep distracting me.”
“Food is the second priority,” he responds, lips feathering your skin. “Right now, we need to celebrate the championship.”
“The championship is still three weeks away.”
“If we both know I’m going to win, what’s the point of delayed gratification?” He pulls the sleeve of your shirt down to expose the top of your shoulder, kissing that area too to make your body thrum with pleasure.
“Speaking of that…” You turn to face Heesung, pressing your back against the counter. “I guess we can celebrate something tonight besides your impending win.”
Heeseung raises an eyebrow.
“I got early acceptance to Sky.”
Heeseung’s eyes immediately light up at your announcement. He pulls you in by the waist and spins you around the tiny space between your kitchen island and the fridge.
When the topic of college came up, it was as good a time as any for the two of you to discuss your future plans with each other. As fate would have it, Heeseung planned to play for Sky University’s basketball team next year, and you were waiting on your official acceptance letter when you both started dating.
Now, Heeseung would have the two most important things to him in the next chapter of his life. The boy’s over the moon, as any other person would be.
Heeseung lifts you over his shoulder, immediately heading in the direction of the stairs to take you to your bedroom. He laughs off your mock protest.
He knows for certain he’s in love with you. It may not be the perfect time to say it, especially before he’s about to ravish you, but the perfect time will come when it feels right.
He doesn’t say it when he strips you bare for only his eyes as he kisses you senseless, shocked and grateful your body is for him and him alone to see and cherish. He doesn’t say it as you kiss every inch of his bare chest to send him into a rambling mess of praises and curses.
Somehow, stupidly, the words slip out when your mouth is wrapped around his cock, tongue flat against the underside of his tip as he feels the back of your throat against him.
“Fuck, I love you so much.”
The air stills, both your bodies going rigid at the sudden confession that has just left his lips. But, instead of running scared, you take your mouth off of him and stare deeply into his eyes, smiling wide. “What’d you say?”
Heeseung breathes out a sigh of relief, suddenly taking your face in his hands and kissing you deeply. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the second I saw you in that hallway. I just didn’t know it yet.”
You giggle and press another kiss to his lips. He sees a tear leave your eye, and he wipes it away gently with his thumb. “I love you, too, Heeseung.”
You fall back into a steady rhythm of kissing and touching, Heeseung’s hands roaming the skin of your stomach, the swell of your breasts, and the cleft between your thighs, making you moan.
“Let me show you how much I love you,” Heeseung whispers against your lips.
He lays you flat on your back, kissing what areas he hasn’t touched yet with his hands. He needs you to know, in every moment, he chooses you and will never stop choosing to be with you.
If he had to make the choice to either give up the game or you, he would choose the former in a heartbeat. His dad, his friends, and even fate may say it’s young love and you haven’t been in his life as long as basketball has, but they don’t see him the way you do.
Even if he doesn’t say it out loud, he knows he doesn’t have to.
When Heeseung finally presses his lips to your clit, kissing the nub with adoration, your legs shake at the contact. You instantly run your fingers into his hair. “Fuck,” you curse, the word rarely slipping from your lips save for moments like these.
The first time you had been together, Heeseung didn’t know exactly how to touch you without being terrified it was too much. But now he knows all the ways to turn you into a beautiful mess.
He licks languidly across your center and through your folds, keeping the perfect pace for you to ride your hips against his mouth. He inserts a finger into your entrance after coating the digit in the arousal already pooling at your center. You, typically so put together, are ready to fall apart at the simple press of his mouth against you.
Heeseung knows he can get you off this way, without question. And most nights, he doesn’t mind when you’re the only one who receives pleasure. But tonight, you moan out a request that he can’t say no to.
“Heeseung, please. I want you inside me when I come.” He doesn’t have to be told what to do twice when it’s the best command he’s heard all night.
He takes your mouth in his, holding your jaw in his hand and slightly applying pressure to the side of your neck. A half-empty moan leaves your lips at the sudden contact. To him, the sounds that you make are their own form of poetry, better than anything you’ve read to him all year.
Heeseung quickly grabs a foil packet from your bedside drawer to put on himself, protection being the one thing you can’t forget in the midst of your desire for each other. Lining himself up with your entrance, he thinks you could not look more beautiful with your half-lidded eyes and eager hands grabbing onto his hips to finally push him inside of you.
When he does ease in, he swallows the curse prepared to leave your mouth with his lips. It’s an indescribable feeling, the stretch and pull of your walls taking him in completely. Although you’ve been together many times before this night, it’s still a novelty Heeseung does not take for granted.
He takes his time establishing a rhythm, loving the pants and whimpers you emit because of him and for him. He holds his hand on your throat, his thumb going into your mouth for you to wrap your lips around in a lewd manor.
“Ah, fuck,” you say as he snaps his hips, filling you to the hilt. “Just like that.”
He feels his orgasm in his gut, threading further up his body as he snaps his hips harder and faster, moving in and out at a faster pace than normal. You don’t mind, scratching lines down his back as you cling to him. You’re both reduced to a heap of I love you’s and satisfied sounds, and it could not be more perfect.
“Fuck, Hee, I’m coming,” you say in the form of a promise, one so precious he wants to hear it every day.
The flutter of your walls around him as you fall apart pushes him to his own end, releasing into the condom with a guttural moan. He kisses you deeply before separating from you, running to the bathroom to throw the remnants of your lovemaking into the toilet and clean himself up.
You hold your arms out to him, ready to have him back by your side. He grins and kisses the crown of your forehead.
“Think about all the nights we can do this next year,” Heeseung whispers into the dark.
“I can’t wait,” you respond, pressing a kiss to his sweaty chest. “I love you.”
He grins happily to himself, the words a thousand times more powerful leaving your mouth. “I love you, too, angel.”
With your body curled into his chest, your heartbeats matching in tempo, he thinks no amount of championship wins could compare to the love he’s found in you.
DECEMBER
The basketball feels light as air in Heeseung’s hands, incomparable to the feeling in his chest looking at you. His teammates can tell he’s staring directly at your position in the stands. They wonder how his mind is still so occupied by you, even amongst the sea of spectators waiting for him to either succeed or screw up
Little do they realize, you’re the exact reason he’s going to win the title.
As he looks in your direction, he takes the shot without second-guessing himself. He hears the faint gasps of some attendees and even his coach, but the following swish of the basket in the hoop tells Heeseung all he needs to hear. And all he needs to see is your beautiful, proud face as the gym explodes into cheers.
You’re the best and truest thing he has in this world. He knows he’s a champion, in both the traditional and figurative sense. With you by his side, he’ll always feel like the winner of every game he’ll ever play.
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