#last na tho promise.

[kasarian]

it says in my ask box "be kind" because if you say anything accusatory of me being invalid, i will fucking fight you.

you were not being kind nor being respectful despite you stating that it is a genuine question. you could have phrased that better. you could have been direct but also meek

"hey! i was just curious since i saw that your system members and your ocs have similar names, how does your system work? are they simply your OCs or something else?"

this is how i work. i am not american. i am filipino who has grown up in this kind of specific culture of asking for stuff and or information. makibaka't makisama ka o di tayo magkakaintindihan dito.

are you aware of different cultural etiquette other than your own?

[sp4ceboo]

Atonement: Feyd-Rautha x Reader

A/N: fic i wrote with @triluvial 's lovely idea

tw: 18+, smut but pretty soft, oral (f recieving), so so so so much angst, fluff after tho dw, swearing, hints of sa and pedophilia from the baron, baron is also creepy to reader but not explicitly, u gotta bear with my yapping in the beginning but it gets good i promise, inkpie

wc: 3.9k

headcanons for this universe

When you married Feyd-Rautha, you were warned of many things. His cruelty, both in and out of the bedroom, his bloodlust, his uncontrollable rage, his violence, his complete and utter lack of mercy. They told you he was psychotic, he was a cold blooded murderer, he was insatiable and that you’d be lucky to last a year with him, and yet, they never cautioned you of his sheer, unerring indifference.

Before your marriage, you fancied that he’d be like fire; raging, searing to touch. You went as far as to wish to tame his inferno. Late at night, when you could not sleep and doubt wreathed your thoughts, you also considered that he’d be like ice, like the colour of his piercing eyes, glacial and cold, devoid of anything soft or sweet.

As a child, you saw him fight in the arena. There he blazed with passion, his victor’s smile a cruel curve upon his face, his knife blade stained dark with fresh blood: he was mesmerising. At that time you were beginning to understand that your future had been sold to this violent man, and you resented your parents for it - now you realise that it went deeper than that, that it was rooted in generations of religion, of whisperings of the Bene Gesserit. Still, even then, you found the way he burned intriguing, and you were drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

But you were wrong. He turned out to be neither fire nor ice, just stingingly, dismissively apathetic. His eyes slide right over you when he happens to pass you in the corridors, as if you’re lower than a servant, lower than the rare rats that survive Giedi Prime’s conditions. You suspected your marriage would be painful, wedded to a man such as he was, but you didn’t think it would be this damn lonely.

You wished he hated you.

That way, at least you’d mean something to your husband. At least then vehement, savage emotion would rise within his gaze whenever he looked at you, not that horrible, polarising blankness. You wish you disgusted him, because then he’d at least he’d speak his mind - you had learnt that he spoke with brutal honesty, uncaring of the consequences.

Maybe to him, that’s all you are. A consequence of being high born, of being the na-Baron. You mean nothing to him, and he treats you as such; to him, you are less than the speck of dust on the floor, less than a grain of sand in his beloved arena.

It’s not that you wish for him to dote on you, nor love you or devote himself to you. You just wish he would look you in the eye and feel something; you’d rather him stare at you in revulsion and call you names that you can’t even think up yourself than the dead, lifeless detachment that clouds his face when he sees you in your shared chambers.

Feyd-Rautha has never laid a hand on you in violence; in fact he rarely touches you at all. The last, and only time he kissed you was during the wedding day, and he makes no moves to be in bodily contact with you any more than he has to be. You are obliged to produce an heir from him, yet even in these infrequent encounters it seems as if it is a chore for him - he takes no pleasure in your body nor does he try to pleasure you, and he makes no sound when he takes you, staying as long as it takes for his seed to fill your womb before leaving without a word. On those nights, your thighs tremble as you stumble to the bathroom, only allowing your tears to fall once the shower water is searing on your skin.

During the first month of your marriage, you did everything in your power to please him. You thought maybe you weren’t pretty enough for him, maybe you were not desirable as a wife, so you always smiled at him, made an effort to fill the silence that pervaded the air around him, bringing up topics you knew he would enjoy, like the arena, like his love for knives and duels. To even that he would not reply, rebutting your questions with monosyllables or simply ignoring you. You stopped once he began to leave the room while you were mid sentence.

It is now your fourth month locked in this marriage with an uncaring man, and all you feel is bleak, crushing resignation. Somehow, Feyd-Rautha seems to take more interest in conversing with his brother than you.

You wonder if he has forgotten your name. He addresses you simply as ‘wife’ - that, and nothing more, the title leaving his lips like an accusatory curse, reminding you that if you did not serve a purpose to him, and if decorum did not restrain him, he’d have disposed of you by now, either by slitting your throat or simply abandoning you outside the palace grounds, not even bothering to end you himself.

The palace in question is lonely, but you feel the loneliest when you lay awake at night, shivering on your side of the bed as Feyd-Rautha slumbers to your right. Tears always prick your eyes during those moments, but you stifle them, afraid that you’ll rouse him with your crying; you do not know what you’ve done to garner his mistrust, but many times you’ve glimpsed the knife he keeps beneath his pillow, the cold blade glinting in the moonlight.

Often you wonder if he has a secret lover, and that is why he does not bother with you. You wake up sometimes and he is gone, but soon you realised that he would visit his concubines, especially after he had bred you. You would finish your shower, unable to wash off the feel that you were dirty, you were just an animal, a mindless thing to produce an heir for him, and he would be lounging in the antechambers of your quarters, ignoring your presence with the three harpies wrapped around him, whispering in his ears and caressing his moonlight skin. They accompanied him everywhere he wished, even in public, and to begin with, you felt humiliated that he would so explicitly show that you were not to his satisfaction.

Now, it just makes the solitude even worse.

You find solace in no one. More than once, you have walked in on the servants laughing behind your back, and as it became evident your husband was uninterested in you, they did not hide their mocking. The Baron’s other nephew you hardly saw, and the Baron himself terrified you: there was something in the way that he stared at you, his beady eyes glittering from where they were set deep within his putrid flesh, that made you feel more soiled than even after Feyd-Rautha took you.

So you remain isolated, speaking only when spoken to, drifting through the palace’s wide, dark hallways like a ghoul, a mourning spectre. You can barely remember your life before, just wisps and fleeting flashes of colour that ridicule rather than comfort you.

To Feyd, it is obvious who you are. A spy, commanded by his uncle to report every single one of his doings to you; he cannot slip up once around you, cannot reveal his weaknesses, that he is desperate to be loved, to be seen as someone whose only use is not war. He sees the way his uncle looks at you, hungry for information you do not have because he does not impart it, the way the Baron comments on you and the way you flinch at his words, pretending that you do not report to him.

Feyd is determined in his resolve to give nothing away. His uncle has held power over him since he was young, he refuses to give him even an inch over him now. He still has nightmares of it, which he wakes up from with his pale skin sheened in clammy sweat, clammy like the hands of his uncle.

Sometimes, he sees the tears in your eyes after he fucks you. The first time, he almost stopped, almost asked you where it hurt, but you turned away before he could, acting, always acting; acting when you smile graciously at him, acting when you ask him what his favourite type of blade is, what his favourite form of swordsmanship is. You are good at pretending, but of course you are - his uncle is the Baron, a man who bathes in power. No doubt he would get only the best of spies.

Tonight, you are not where you normally are. At this hour, you are usually asleep, or feigning it in the very least, curled up small on your side of the mattress, yet the bed is still made, the sheets unrumpled and smoothed down as they were this morning. Feyd thinks that maybe he might catch you reporting to his uncle, so he strides out of your shared chambers, pausing in the doorway to listen carefully; as a boy, he hunted in forests that have now been chopped down and industrialised, but he has maintained his keen ears long after the last wild plant on Giedi Prime’s surface choked on the fumes of pollution.

There’s a soft noise, barely perceptible, that echoes down the corridor to his right. Silently, he tracks it down the labyrinthine passages of the palace, servants scurrying out of his warpath, bowing their heads to him - he wonders if they too report to his uncle, if they travel now to his quarters to inform him of his beloved nephew’s whereabouts.

Feyd wishes he and Rabban were brothers first before rivals. Then he could have someone to rely on, someone who he trusted in this palace built on lies.

Pausing, Feyd cocks his head. You huddle in a crumpled heap at the end of the corridor, your knees hugged tightly to your chest, head low as if under a crushing weight. It occurs to him that maybe the Baron was displeased with your efforts to gain information and made it known to you - a pang of pity tugs at him, for he knows what his uncle’s wrath is like. At least you have been spared from the sole thing worse than that - the Baron’s thirst.

‘What are you doing, wife?’

Your head snaps up, Feyd-Rautha’s unfeeling voice kindling a rare burst of temper from you. Is it not evident to him what you are doing? Or is he just too blind to see the tears streaking down your cheeks? Your words are injected with venom when you speak, and you hope that it stings him for leaving you alone in this cold, dark place.

‘So now I am of concern to you?’

Feyd is taken aback by the indignant arch of your brows, the resentment displayed in your eyes. It takes him a moment to register the harshness lacing your voice - you have never addressed him in this way - and another to digest your words. There’s a bleakness in your wet, tear stained face as you stare up at him, and shock too, as if you did not expect yourself to speak against him this way.

Something clicks into place.

Feyd recognises that look in your eyes. He recognises it, because he’s seen it in the mirror a hundred times before; haunted, harrowed, lonely. He remembers nights when he trembled beneath the cold sheets of his bed, when he was small enough that he felt like he was drowning in the black satin, his eyes wide as the fabric seemed to wend around his limbs, tying him there as he lay fearful of everyone, fearful that his uncle would summon him. Even young, he was so terribly aware of not knowing who he could trust and who would turn to the Baron, bearing information like knives to split open his childish skin and spill his guts on the freezing stone floor.

It broke him. He is barely a shell of a sentient being, repressed emotions wreathing like ghosts around his frame, his eyes hollow, his heart decaying. In his fear, he was blinded, and he pushed you to the place where he had been all those years ago, so terribly, terribly alone - you are stronger than him, for lasting this long.

Sharp, plunging, dread sinks in his stomach, weighs down his soul; he has done unspeakable things to you, treated you like a dog, like a whore - worse. How can you look at him without hatred in your eyes, spite?

Bile rises in his throat, his heart seized by a dark, burning anger. He has done this to you, he has slashed your skin and left you bleeding, and yet all you did was try to please him. In an effort to save himself, he trampled you under foot; in order to keep you out, he left you surrounded by shadows. Feyd has never hated himself so much, has never despised who he has become with this much furor.

Slowly, he crouches before you. Eyes wide, you shrink away, misreading the direction of his rage, flinching when he reaches out a hand. Pressing your back against the wall behind you, you turn your head away from him, fear causing tears to spill down your cheeks: he sees the way you will the stone to swallow you up, knows the feeling.

‘Please don’t hurt me,’ you choke out, hands trembling uncontrollably.

Something deep within Feyd’s soul withers and dies at your words. Forcing his jaw to unclench, his hands to release the fists they held, he shoves down his anger. The fury is for later, for when he has made things right - for now it is you that is his priority. Too late, a voice whispers in his ears, too late, too late, too late -

Gods, he deserves to burn at the fucking stake for this. He deserves eternal hell for this, he deserves worse. He is a fool: a blind, blundering fool, stuffed to the brim with paranoia and cynicism.

He sucks in a breath. ‘I will not hurt you. You have my word, whatever it is worth to you. I - I have made an irredeemable mistake, I - ’

After his first sentence, you have not heard him. Tears of relief soak your face, and you whisper needless apologies for them; it is an arrow through his heart that you fear him so - yet the pain is where it is due, justifiable for the way he has shamed you, belittled you.

‘May I - may I touch you, my wife?’

You do not know why you nod in reply of your husband’s strange request, but the moment you do, strong arms pull you into a solid chest, and a sob leaves you - he is so warm, warm enough to banish the seeping cold embedded in your bones, warm enough to let your sorrow flow anew, soaking his shirt as your hands bunch in its fabric, so that if he is cruel enough to leave you here, at least he will have to fight to do so. You have not been held in a long time.

Each of your shuddering sobs is a knife blade twisting in Feyd’s spirit. He lets the pain wash over him, clings to the way you burrow into his arms, a kind creature in the embrace of a monster. At one point, in the throes of your crying, you beat at his chest, telling him that you hate him, and he takes it with a bowed head, stroking your hair and holding you tighter once you exhaust yourself; this is only a fraction of his atonement.

You fall asleep in his arms. He carries you back to your quarters, and only once the door is closed behind him does he let his tears mingle with yours. Keeping you cradled to his chest like a child, he pours a glass of water for you to drink in the morning, knowing you will be dehydrated; he sets it on your bedside table before laying you down on the mattress.

You don’t let go of him, even in your sleep. His heart clenches, tight in his chest, and he drops a kiss in your hair before lying down beside you.

He believes he will love you, if you will let him.

Consciousness leaks slowly into your mind, and you blink, squinting through the beam of light that filters in through the curtains. From your months spent here, you’ve realised that Giedi Prime’s atmosphere is normally churned up with violent storms and choked with pollution, so this ray of sun that falls against your pillow, warming your face is far from unwanted - nor is the pale forearm tucked around your waist, firmly so, but not trapping you either.

Your husband’s chest fits snugly against your back, his breath warm and steady against your skin; his fingers splay out across your stomach, gentle, communicating so many things that were left unsaid. Vaguely, you remember falling asleep, nestled against his chest, tears drying on your cheeks.

When you roll over, you’re unsurprised that he’s already awake. With blue eyes softened by the sunlight, he regards you, fingers settled at the small of your waist. Something clouds his gaze, and he shifts, propping himself up on his elbows.

‘I owe you an explanation.’

You wait silently, unperturbed by the way he clenches his jaw. He vowed to you last night that he would not hurt you, and you trust that. Wordlessly, his lips open, then close, and you patiently watch him, far too well acquainted with how this man struggles to let down his guard - even now, you cannot read the twisting of his features, the way his eyes squint as he looks at you.

‘I - I thought you were a spy sent by my uncle,’ he finally confesses. ‘My uncle… when I was younger, he,’

Reaching out, you cup his jaw in your hand, running your thumb along his cheekbone until he relaxes. You see the battle in his eyes, to let go, to tell you the knowledge that he thinks you deserve, but you see with it the years of hurt, of solitude. Something hopeful, something beautiful blossoms within you - the realisation that this wounded beast before you is someone that you could grow to love; you want him to bare his scars to you, those that are long healed and those that still seep with blood.

‘All in good time, Feyd,’ you assure him quietly.

He sighs, touches his lips against your palm. ‘I am sorry, my wife.’

Slipping your hand down to grip his shoulder, you lean closer towards him so you can kiss him. An anguished sound leaves him, and you see clearly how he realises that he has wronged you, how it pains him, and yet how the taste of you awakens something tender within him - you marvel at it, that it has survived, buried within him for so long. Perhaps he will let you love him.

Feyd is neither forward nor insatiable in the way he kisses you. In fact, he pulls away first, moving to get up from the bed despite the way your hands grip his shoulders, and you almost doubt that he wants you before you glimpse the longing in his eyes that lingers before he pushes it down. You wonder if this man knows how to make love or if he just knows how to fuck, you wonder if he feels the same molten feeling in his stomach that you feel and that is why his movements are tinged with nerves as he gently escapes your grasp. It is clear to you: he does not want to scare you.

‘Must you go?’ You ask, tugging at his fingers.

He tilts his head. ‘I don’t know if you want me here, after what I have inflicted upon you.’

A streak of bravery takes ahold of you. ‘Please, Feyd, I want you.’

You delight at the fire that ignites in his eyes upon your words. He wastes no time in returning to your side, dropping a sweet tasting kiss to your lips before taking your chin in his hand, eyes searching yours as he sits between your thighs.

‘Tell me if you want to stop,’ he says. ‘Yes?’

‘Yes,’ you echo, blood heating your cheeks.

Feyd kisses you again, giving you time to rescind your reply if you want, but you just tug at the hem of his shirt, drinking in his sculpted chest when he pulls the black cloth over his head. Delicately, he trails his lips down your skin as he undresses you, his broad hands warm where they encircle your waist, holding you flush to him as his calloused palms explore your body, skimming over your spine and caressing your breasts before settling on your thighs and pulling them open.

You’re terribly aware of how wet you are when his eyes settle on your pussy. Instinctively, your knees tip inwards, your face growing hot at the hunger in his gaze, but his broad shoulders block your legs from closing, followed closely by his hands which gently push them back open. He smiles at the blush high on your cheeks, rubbing his thumb over your ankle in order to put you at ease.

The sound you make when he pushes his fingers into your cunt and curls them almost makes Feyd moan. You tremble for him, bashful, and he can feel himself rock hard against the mattress, aching for the tight clamp of your velvet walls. He wants to bury himself between your thighs, and so he does, your sweet slick exquisite on his tongue - he presses kisses like butterflies to your thighs, your hips, worshipping you as his fingers pump in and out of you to the same pace as your heaving chest.

You look beautiful, gilded by the sunlight, lower lip trapped between your teeth, but he doesn’t miss the way you grip the sheets with one hand, the other clapped over your mouth, panting as he pleases you. Stroking your thigh, he pauses, licking your slick off his lips.

‘Let me hear you,’ he bids.

You blush again but obey him, tremors wracking your body as he sucks on your clit, laving his tongue over it until you throw your head back, eyes rolling as you come, your honeyed moans and hot release exquisite upon his senses. He wants more, needs more of the taste of you, but you tug at his shoulders, whining for his cock, and he’d rather die than deny you.

The way you say his name when he buries himself inside you sets his soul on fire. You look beautiful beneath him, shaking and whimpering from the hot pulse of his length, clawing at his shoulders until he wears red marks that he’s proud to bear, moaning into his mouth when he kisses you. It seems you cannot get enough of him, and Feyd is more than fine with that because he finds himself addicted to the feel of you under his hands, begging him for more.

Feyd remains entranced long after he comes inside you, with you, your cunt spasming around him. You draw close to him, intertwining your legs with his as he kisses your face, your neck, your chest, making sure he has not hurt you, making sure you are sated. Curling your fingers under his jaw, stopping him, you look him in the eye and smile before kissing him, and he finds himself mesmerised again by you.

He is certain you will let him love you. He is yours.

[ghostofhyuck]

NCT Dream and second chances with them.

AN: this is a mixture of fluff and angst, depending on the members! :> that's why it's color purple!

Also this is part two of NCT Dream and why you two broke up. Can still be a standalone tho.

Mark Lee ; reaches out for you.

It didn't take weeks for Mark to pursue you once again. He had it hard to the point that he blames himself for not being there for you. He'll contact you, but you completely ignored all his attempts. It went to the point that his members has reached out for you, "help, Mark-hyung is going insane, pls reply." You decided to put a stop on it and talks to Mark in person. You agreed to give him a second chance but it is still up to you whether you two should be in a relationship again. Mark would be in relief, thinking that he shouldn't let this second chance go to waste. 

Huang Renjun ; meeting coincidentally. 

You bumped to Renjun at a friend's party. It was awkward, seeing the man you loved for years and breaking up with him because you two fall out of love. It was Renjun who greeted you first, and there you could only greet him back, that's when you realized that you still have feelings for Renjun. The two of you talked throughout the whole party and when it's time to go home, you were the first one to ask Renjun if he wants to come over to your place, and to your surprise, he said yes. Maybe this was a second chance for the both of you. 

Lee Jeno ; goes to your place to fix everything.

A knock on the door disturbed your Saturday night, and as you open it, it was Jeno. You were about to close the door when he was quick to open it and enter inside. You wanted to scream at him but the last time it happened, it didn't go well. So you two stood there in silence until Jeno reached out first, apologizing to you and asking for another chance. He wanted to fix everything and he still loves you. In the end, you are still longing for Jeno. You could only hug him, apologizing to him too, and telling him that you still love him too. 

Lee Donghyuck ; waits for you until you reach out first. 

Haechan was devastated when he learned the reason why you want to break up with him. He lets you go but tells you that he'll be there waiting for you. He gave you space, and it was also a time for him to ponder about himself. He realized his mistakes and swore that he won't be that suffocating anymore. Haechan swore to his promise and waited for you, that's why he was in relief when you reach out after months of waiting for you. He'll make sure that this is a brand new start for the two of you. 

Na Jaemin ; accidentally drunk calls you. 

A random call from your ex-boyfriend, made your heart beat fast. You don't know whether to answer it or not after months of not hearing from you. But because it's you, you answered and you felt your heart breaking into thousand pieces because Jaemin's drunk, calling for your name, and even crying. It was far from the Jaemin that you know, you asked him where he was, it was your luck that he was able to answer even though his words were slurry. As you went to the bar, you could only pity his drunk state. You brought Jaemin home and took care of him. You let out a sigh, thinking that you two had a lot to talk about the next morning. 

Zhong Chenle ; small talk that led to "what if?" 

After breaking up with Chenle, you two became friends who casually hangs out. Tonight, you two went out for a cup of ramen at Han river and as you two sat at the bench near the convenience store, you two couldn't help but bring up your relationship. At first, it was a laughing matter until Chenle popped the question, "what if we're still together?" you pondered about it at the moment. I mean, you still hangout with Chenle and you two are still close, you two are just in the friends label but it didn't feel any difference. "do you want to be together?" you asked. "maybe, do you?" you became quiet for a moment. "I do."

Park Jisung ; meeting again after a few years. 

Your friend decided to set you up for a blind date, you told them that you don't want to because you don't have time but they insist, even bribing you food. It made you agreed and to your surprised, your blind date was none other than your ex-boyfriend Jisung. You saw how much he has changed, he looked more mature than the last time you saw him. He was surprised to see you too, but offers you to seat at the table. It was awkward at first but Jisung asked you how have you been, you could only reply that a lot of things has changed. The conversation went on and at the end of the date, Jisung asked you if you two can meet again. Thinking that it's a second chance for the two of you, you said yes.

[janetbrown711]

Does Li Na have any powers?

Haha. Yeah :]

Her first bits of magic is seen in the last chapter of Promises, where she cries and shoots an energy blast that harms a monster that's come to try and eat her

However, as she gets older, her powers get a little bit... unstable, to say the least (she takes after her brother <3). It's a combination of Destiny™️ and being a combo of Golden Cicada and Zhu Bajie DNA that has some very painful side effects 😬

No spoilers tho, I'm still working on some of those details ;) just know it's gonna be angsty

[madrabit]

Hey :3 can I request 8 + BoJance? 🫶

Hey, ofc you can request that! Sorry it got a little out of hand and turned into a slightly angsty 3,3k thing, but I guess that's short for me 🤠 (I am making no promises for the other prompts being as long, since this was actually sth I wanted to write for a bit now) I do hope you like it tho!

Here you can find the prompt list! Feel free to send me sth. And now, enjoy! 🩷

Send me a number and a Ship and I'll write you a kiss!

8. ... in secrecy.

"You really don‘t want to come with us?"

Bojan looked up from his phone as Jan stepped in front of him, wearing his leather jacket and a beanie, ready to go out. In the little hallway, he could see Nace put on his winter coat.

"Yeah, I'll stay here", he said, pulling up his legs onto the couch, wrapping his arms around them, one finger idly tracing along the fresh tattoo on his calf, careful to not touch the still tender skin. Jan just stared at him for a second, dark eyes following the movement of Bojan's hand. His face was blank, normally plush lips pressed into a thin line and Bojan almost started to squirm under his gaze, feeling like one of those butterflies pinned to a board. Usually he loved Jan looking at him, basked in the attention the other was giving him, but right now it felt like the guitarist was trying make him cave and give in. And Bojan would love to, he really would, but he just couldn't.

"I really think-", Jan started, his tone flat, but before he could go on, Nace popped up behind him, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"And I think we shouldn't talk about this right now, Jan", Nace said calmly, squeezing Jan's shoulder, before he threw Bojan a soft smile.

"This is a stupid idea", Jan grumbled, a frown settling onto his face, but then his posture relaxed and he sighed, shaking his head slightly. He mumbled something else, something Bojan couldn't understand, which probably was for the better, before he turned his head to look at Nace, who just gave him the same warm smile, he had given Bojan earlier.

"We'll have to go now, we told Damon we will be there by six", Nace said, taking his hand from Jan and searching in the pocket of his coat for his phone, "Jan wanted to take a quick stop in Chinatown on our way home, do you want us to get you some takeaway?"

Bojan pulled his legs closer, shifting under Jan's still lingering gaze until the dark haired guitarist groaned and made his way out of the living room, two pairs of brown eyes following him.

"I'm sorry", Bojan said, voice small and unsure, but he knew Jan wouldn't hear it as the front door fell closed.

"We'll talk about this some other time, it's okay, don't worry Bojči", Nace sighed, ruffling the singer's hair gently before he, too, turned and followed after Jan, the sound of the door shutting the only thing echoing through the otherwise empty house right now.

The interaction left a bad feeling in him. Jan was angry, he knew that. And he had all the right to be, they had planned this all together, but Bojan had pulled back just last night, nerves getting to him. He had ended up tossing and turning, tiptoeing back to his own room in the middle of the night to not bother Jan and Nace too much and let them get the rest that they needed after a long day at the studio.

Bojan had thought it would be easier after moving to London. That he would finally be able to let go of social expectations, get out of the suffocating hold it had on him, break out of this typical teenage heartthrob corset that was constricting and didn't allow for him to breathe or make mistakes. Or live a life that was just a little bit out of the norm.

And in a certain way it did, not only thanks to finally being able to spend all of his free time with the people he loved most, but also their new environment, not having to hide himself away from the world.

It had made him relax, and in turn, it made his friends relax too. They didn't have to only deal with their own issues, but also Bojan's, especially Jan and Nace, who for some reason weren't only his friends but also more. Not that anybody except for Jure and Kris knew.

He sighed, reaching for his phone and tapped into his notes app, looking through the current lyrics he was writing, but knowing he wouldn't be able to write anything. So instead, he just resorted to scrolling through social media, looking at fanart and other things to take his mind off everything.

It didn't take too long until Kris and Jure came back, carrying bags of groceries through the door and immediately, Bojan jumped up to help them.

"Weren't you supposed to be having a shoot right now? Why aren't you with the others?", Kris asked once Bojan had taken a bag from him, making his way through the hallway and living room into the kitchen.

"I...", the singer started, but didn't know how to go on, so he stopped, staying quiet as Kris set the bag he still had been carrying down on the counter, turning to Jure to help him, but not before throwing Bojan a sceptical look.

"You're stupid, you know that, right?", Kris sighed, shaking his head as he started to sort through the groceries as Bojan set the last bag down.

"I know, you don't need to rub it in, Krisko."

"No, I don't think you do, but we love you anyway, so we deal with your dumbass", the younger said, putting a can of tomatoes into a cupboard, as Jure as snooping through the fridge for something to snack.

"Ow", Bojan mumbled, looking at the floor. His eyes fixed on the tiles, following the swirly pattern, just so he wouldn't be confronted with Kris's disappointed stare. He knew he was being stupid, knew he should have just gone with his boyfriends, shouldn't have been afraid to do what they had planned for a while now, what exactly did he have to loose?

Nothing.

Everything.

It wasn't that he was ashamed of himself, or of his partners, he would never, never, be ashamed of the people he loved. But he just couldn't. Just the thought of putting his relationship out there, for everyone to see, for everyone to judge, was making Bojan freeze on the spot. It made him want to pull back, afraid of the comments and hate he certainly would get, that had always been coming when he did something people thought was wrong, no matter what it was. There was always someone getting angry, shouting at him and making him feel bad about being himself.

"It's my turn to cook today", Jure suddenly said, having been quiet before while he was raiding the fridge. Now he was bouncing on his feet, already looking through everything him and Kris had bought before. "I think we're gonna make pasta? Are you okay with that?"

Kris nodded, taking of his coat and handing it to Bojan with a smile and a "thank you" as the shorter man held out his arms to take both of their jackets, slowly slinking out of the kitchen as the other two started planning dinner.

They ate crouched around the little coffee table. Bojan was watching a random nature documentary Nace had started this morning and that Bojan had then been very interested in, while Jure and Kris were talking, the youngest having a noticeable blush on his face.

As Jure had thrown an arm around Kris's shoulder, Bojan had made his way to his room, giving the both of them some alone time that they actually would've had if he would have went with Jan and Nace like he was supposed to. And not long after, he fell asleep in the bed he had spent maybe one night in since they had moved here.

Their house was small, barely big enough for five grown adults, but it was more than enough if these men lived in each others pockets anyway. Three bedrooms, a nice bathroom for British standards and a garage for them to use as a makeshift jam session space if they didn't want to go to the studio they also had rented. Kris had instantly claimed the biggest bedroom for him and Jure, insisting that they needed it and the youngest had almost made a whole list of reasons, until Nace, Jan and Bojan had just shrugged and let them have it. The other double room was small, so Bojan had moved his things into the last, single bedroom. Not that he had been spending a lot of time in there anyway, using the room more as some sort of walk in closet than an actual bedroom.

He woke up in the middle of the night, wrapped up in a blanket and with his phone on the charger, while he knew he hadn't been under the covers and fell asleep with another documentary playing. Slightly confused, he looked around, taking in the dark room around him. It felt weird sleeping alone now, after being used to sharing a bed with his boyfriends. He loved being cuddled, slept better when he was close to his loved ones and was being held. But right now, he wasn't sure if he should make his way to their room, crawl into bed like a little kid scarred of the dark.

It was late already, they would be sleeping anyway and Bojan didn't plan on waking them up right now, not when he didn't even know when they got home.

He rolled over, reaching for his phone, scrolling through social media, sorting through all the notifications he had gotten until one caught his eye. His heart immediately started to race, fingers shaking as he tapped into Damon's newest story.

If his heart was beating a mile a minute before, it now had stopped, as well as his breath.

The photos were incredible. Jan and Nace looked incredible. They always did, Bojan knew that, probably better than anyone else. Seeing the both of them together on a normal day made him stop for a second, unable to do anything else but stare at them with an expression that was so ridiculously in love that Kris had started to make fun of it every time he noticed.

But this? This was killing him.

Damon was a master at his craft, making sure everything was perfect, Bojan had seen him at work himself, had had a long session with him that had felt more like therapy than anything else, just as Kris had said before. So it was no wonder he would take perfect pictures of them, would make them look like they are meant to be together. Like they belong to each other.

They were beautiful, looking at each other with so much love, affection and devotion, that it made his heart overflow with the same emotions. His breath hitched, and he could feel tears well up in his eyes, threatening to spill over.

His chest clenched harshly and he just couldn't help but look away from his screen for a second. The pictures were amazing, more than amazing, they were everything, but there was something lurking at the back of his mind. A little nagging thought he wanted to ignore, wanted to drown out with the love and warmth he felt inside him.

The photos left no doubt on how close Jan and Nace were, how well they fit together and no one could deny that it looked a lot like a coming out post. Which it technically was, they had talked about it, how it would seem, what they wanted to show. Had talked with Damon about how to do it. They hadn't planned to make a statement, would just show their true selves and let people decide for themselves.

They had put themselves put there, for everyone to judge, to form an opinion, and they had wanted him to be with them. Had wanted to show the world that the same love they held for each other also extended to him.

And Bojan had pulled away, had told his boyfriends, the ones he loved most in his life, that he couldn't do it. Couldn't show himself like that, was afraid of what people would think of him if he gave up that part of himself, let everyone see who he was, deep down and who he loved.

It was a ridiculous thought.

He should've went with them. No matter what anyone would've thought. No wonder Jan was angry, Bojan would be too if he felt like his own boyfriend wanted to deny him, if it felt like he was ashamed of him.

His chest clenched again, hard and he had to concentrate to keep his breath calm, his eyes still stinging and he wanted to blink away the tears, but instead of disappearing, they fell, running down his cheeks and into the pillow that was barely used. He was stupid, stupid to only think of himself, to push all of his baggage onto Jan and Nace, let them handle not only their own fears, but also Bojan's anxious thoughts.

He needed to talk to them, right now, needed to tell them both just how much he loved them and how he wasn't able to live without the two of them by his side. How he would wither and break if he didn't have their love and support. But not right now, not when they were sleeping and not when the chance of Jan still being angry at him was hanging in the air.

Finally, after having Damon's story open and staring at the pictures for what felt like an eternity, tears streaking his face and a sob ripping from his throat, he tapped out of it, ready to throw his phone to the side and cry himself to sleep if he had to, when he noticed the colorful rings around both Jan's and Nace's profile pictures. Sitting there, right next to each other, which they hadn't been before. They were awake, they had to be.

Without thinking about it, Bojan locked his phone, wrangling himself out of the sheets and slowly made his way to the door.

The way to Jan and Nace’s (and his own, if they were being honest here) room was short, barely a few steps and slowly he opened the door a bit, pressing himself through the little space and closed it again when he was finally inside.

Two pairs of dark eyes were staring at him. Nace and Jan were both tucked under the covers, looking soft and warm, ready to fall asleep. And Bojan's chest clenched again at the thought of what he could have if he just asked for it.

"I'm sorry..."

The words fell from him before he could stop them, just like the tears still flowing freely down his cheeks. Bojan sniffled, wiping his wet cheek and then fiddled with the hem of his shirt. He shifted his weight from one foot to another, feeling small and vulnerable, ready to just sink away into nothingness if he would be allowed to.

"I'm sorry I didn't come with you", he continued when the other two didn't say anything, taking a small step towards the bed, "I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have said no."

Nace sat up, a sad expression on his face, probably mirroring Bojan's own pitiful and pathetic look and it made Bojan sob a little harder.

"I'm sorry for not being able to be honest", he pressed put, getting closer to the bed.

"For not being brave enough..."

Another step.

His eyes fixed on Jan. The guitarist's face was blank, features held in a carefully shielded expression. More tears ran down his cheeks.

"I didn't want this...", he said, his knees finally hitting the mattress, "I didn't want to make you feel like this..."

Jan looked up at him, still quiet, but there was a twitch in the corner of his mouth, a certain look in his eyes, that Bojan knew too well.

"I love you, both of you. So much. I didn't want to make you feel like I don't want you, don't need you, because I do. I need you so much that it scares me..."

He wiped his cheek again, taking a deep breath and before he could do anything else, Jan had leaned up, wrapped an arm around his waist and had pulled him down. Bojan toppled over, falling onto the bed and in Jan's waiting arms, couldn't tell sky from ground for a moment until he found himself laying between the two other men. Jan pulled him close, one hand cupping Bojan's cheek and wiping away tears.

"I don't want to have to hide you anymore", Jan says lowly, pressing their foreheads together. His face was serious, but warm, open and Bojan felt warmth spreading through him.

"You belong to us as much as we belong to you, as much as we belong to each other", the taller went on, letting his hand slip to Bojan's hair, tugging on it softly, "I don't want to keep this a secret, Bojan, I don't want to keep you a secret."

Behind him, the singer could feel Nace move, he felt an arm sneaking around him, settling on his waist, a hand slipping under his shirt to caress soft skin.

"I love you too much for that", Jan mumbled, petting his hair and rubbed their noses together.

Bojan nodded, his breath shaking even more and he felt like all his nerves were on edge.

"I don't want that either", he said, sneaking an arm around Jan’s neck, pulling him closer.

"I know you need time and that's okay", Jan said, pressing a soft kiss to the corner of Bojan's mouth, gripping his hair a little tighter, grounding the smaller man, "I just hope you know we are there for you, always."

Instead of answering, Bojan leaned forward, connecting their lips in a gentle kiss. Jan made a soft noise, shifting closer and deepened the kiss a bit, parting his lips and letting his tongue trace over Bojan's, slipping inside as the shorter man pliantly opened his mouth with a little sigh.

A shiver ran through him, as he felt another pair of lips ghosting over his neck, first pressing chaste little kisses to his skin that soon turned into gentle bites, latching onto the little mole right under his jaw.

At another, harder bite, Bojan pulled back, panting as he turned his head to the side, catching Nace's dark eyes over his shoulder. A big hand came up, resting on his chin and turning him a bit more, pulling him into a kiss of their own.

"I love you", Bojan mumbled against the bassist's mouth, nibbling on the bottom lip as Nace started to grin. The older leaned more into the kiss, scooting closer, so Bojan had full body contact with both of his boyfriends. And the warmth made him shiver, goosebumps forming all over his body.

"I love you too", Nace chuckled before he leaned in even more, pulling Bojan into another kiss, albeit a shorter one. Then he leaned back, shifting even closer and rolling Bojan forward, so he was partially laying on Jan's chest, plastering himself to the smaller man's back, almost burying him under him, just how he knew Bojan liked it best.

With a content little sigh Bojan snuggled onto Jan's chest, feeling a hand in his hair, slowly lulling him to sleep, but before that, he lifted his head, a sleepy smile spreading over his face as he saw Nace press a little peck to Jan's lips, both looking beautiful, soft and warm and so full of love it almost made Bojan's heart burst.

Sleep caught him easily that night, no laying awake, waiting for the sun to rise, so they could go on, pretending nothing was going on, so people could continue to talk and hate them for being who they were.

No, this was all he needed, being held by the loves of his life, content and comfortable.

[leave-your-body]

hiiii juno :)))) ive been getting really into mcr lately and with you being my Certified MCR Mutual tm i thought you could give me some recs maybe .............. so far I've only listened to the black parade and i really liked it :))))

HI ARI how have u been!!!!!!!!! i love u my king i hope u are Well.

now.. HEAVY BREATHING. Yes i will give u recs.. THANK YOU FOR THINKING OF ME this made me really really happy!!!! sorry if this is way too in depth btw unfortunately i cant be casual about Anything

so for recs, it really depends on what music u like!! i OBVIOUSLY recommend like, the entirety of three cheers for sweet revenge. its The mcr album imo (tho not my fav, but we'll get to that in a sec), like its the one that feels the most Them and there is not a single song i would skip. i recommend watching the music videos for these too (for this album, they have mvs for helena, the ghost of you and im not okay)

NOW. my FAV album is their first one. bullets is a MASTERPIECE and even tho Objectively i have to say its not their best one, in my heart it totally is. this is the album that got me hooked on them. im obsessed. OBSESSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! post-hardcore emo masterpiece... again this is a no skip album but like, more so than 3 cheers. i dont just listen to these songs i fucking Feel them. BUT that being said it depends on what kind of music u like!! for specific song recs, listen to vampires will never hurt u and skylines and turnstiles (<- this is the FIRST SONG gerard wrote for the band after 9/11... Wow), but my personal favs on that album are drowning lessons and demolition lovers and honey this mirror. Smiles

aside from that, youve already listened to black parade (the bsides are ALSO worth listening to, theres only 3: my way home is thru you, kill all yr friends, and heaven help us). danger days is their most hated album but i think those ppl just hate Joy and Whimsy and Fun. i recommend watching the music videos for na na na and sing bcuz they have a Storyline but thats a whole other post. and other than that i also rec listening to bulletproof heart, summertime and vampire money

LAST ONE I PROMISE. this is REQUIRED READING: listen to foundations of decay. their newest single..it changes lives i Promise. i say 'i must fix my heart' once a day at LEAST

AGAIN SORRY THIS WAS SO LONG!!! I HOPE U ENJOY MCR let me knwo what u think :) obviously dont feel pressured to listen to all of these or even any of them!! but thank u for giving me an excuse to talk about them haha. and if u need anything else mcr-related i unfortanetely know everything about them and am more than willing to help out. okay bye

[poleeeng]

—my bestfriend commented on my ig dump post.

nagulat talaga ako. she said she misses me. i was actually thinking if i could still call her ‘my bestfriend’ because i didn’t really feel like she still wanted to be MY bestfriend. she had been ignoring all my messages. i have been trying to reach out for months, no, yeaaars. i have invited her to hang out quite several times already. i had promised myself that that one last message i sent her—that will be my last time reaching out. i felt like i was begging for her to see me, to remember me. she didn’t even read that message. but i am not mad, angry… not at all. i am just sad. so sad. we were friends since we were 6. we were bestfriends for like more than 15 years.

di ko alam kung may tampo ba sya sa’kin na hindi ako nakapunta sa wake ng papa nya few years ago, but after naman non okay naman kami. i still feel guilty tho. but baka hindi naman din yun yung reason kasi okay naman kami. di naman sya galit or what. or i just don’t know? di ko alam kung we just outgrown each other? may kanya kanya nang buhay? hindi ko talaga alam. she was my one and only bestfriend. never did it come to my mind na masisira or mawawala pa yung friendship namin. i thought we were actually forever. ngayon, di ko na alam. i am hoping we can still save it, but i am not expecting. pagod na ako mag-reach out. i feel like nagbe-beg ako ng attention/affection from her.

[justfor2am]

ONE LAST ASK .i cant sleep so i finally read the first ssk i sent tsht u answered and i want u to go in2 more depth w the songs n playlists n shit u mentioned in there .this is separate from the other music ask yea 👍 gn for real probs. btw its so sad that my parrot emoji used to be mostly red like whatever the coloring people draw grian w idk names of any birds but owls but they changed it

🦜

^ idk what kind of phone u have but i have android .before my ohone updated he was a lil red guy n now hes GREEN .i had this fucker in my old discord theme thank god i changed it before it changed for me bc this HURTS goddamn i want my red fuckign bird bsck

ok gn 4 rral the whiplash of my music going from stray kids to stevie nicks is enough to make me pass out (do not let my listing of artist names fool u i only know one stevie nicks song n its edge of seventeen .the skz song was sunshine tho Btw)

AOUGH what did they do to my parrot boy.....

i don't know any songs by stevie nicks so tbh you've got me beat either way LMAO OKIE so analysis time uhhhh lemme see the post

It's Never Enough by we are the dirt: this song is thematically about an individual with rapidly declining mental health, seeking out a gruesome end to escape the bottomless emotions associated with a terrible breakup. it's melodramatic, it's way over blown, it's delightfully obscene in its depictions of bodily gore, it's soooooooo scarian.

as far as a fic goes, i would want to lean heavily into the vex cannibalism aspect that's canon to scar, with the setting being third life. a rotted corpse walking around the living with red in his eyes and barely contained inhuman hunger roaring in his ears? held only at bay because of "he" whom is now indebted to that corpse? who pledges him his first life and watches scar fall into insanity and in the end, strikes him down himself, that love which was the only thing keeping scar alive, not enough to save him in the end? sounds like a good hurt/no comfort fic to me.

some lyrics that i think especially apply: "‘Cause if I can't taste your lips just let me taste blood and nothing else." "They'll be with me in life and death and after I take my final breath, they'll crawl in through my rotting flesh and eat away my skin." "He said “don’t trust your eyes they always lie they always lie, only trust what you feel” but I feel you in my dreams and you're next to me and you're never real."

now, actor au!

grian: Don't Assume What You Don't Know by Grace VanderWaal -a song about being blindsided by an industry that promised you riches and fame, only to be cast aside at best, taken advantage of at worst jealousy, jealousy by Olivia Rodrigo -a song about being jealous of people who aren't competing with you, nor are they trying to make you feel inferior, but letting yourself get carried away with self-inflicted negative emotions You Stupid Bitch by girl in red -lightly tsundere grian my beloved. this is what he wants to scream at scar, if only he could admit to himself that he actually cares about him beyond a superficial, physical level.

scar: SCOOP by Lil Nas X feat. Doja Cat -a song about constantly being one step ahead of a ruthless industry that is just waiting for you to fail. Why'd You Only Call Me When You're High by Arctic Monkeys -a part of grian and scar's relationship that i haven't been able to explore yet, but i definitely will be making space for. -in short, grian's deadset on the rules in their "arrangement", but scar's already in love with him. being told that their private meetings are primarily contingent on them hooking up, and nothing more, isn't exactly easy for scar to process. Boyfriend by Dove Cameron -the person he pretends to be: suave, charming, a smooth-talker. while scar is capable of being all those features, in truth he wants to be this person to grian only. he wants to sweep grian off his feet and be able to say that openly.

[birbfeeder2artisticboogaloo]

I AM DANCING （＾∀＾●）ﾉｼ (also lyrics below if u want them 😘)

Sèist (the chorus lol) :

Thàinig an gille dubh raoir don bhaile seo, 'S trom mo cheum on thrèig mo leannan mi; Thàinig an gille dubh raoir don bhaile seo.

M' ulaidh 's mo ghràdh fear dubh agus bàn Chan innis mi chàch gu bràth do ghealladh dhomh

'S iomadh bean òg le sìoda agus sròl A' chunntadh le deòin mo chrò, crodh-bainne dhut

Is guirme do shùil nan dearcag fon driùchd Gur fìnealt' do ghnùis na ùr-ròs mheanganan

Sealgair a' gheòidh 's an lach air an lòn 'S nam biodh i nad chòir gun leòinte a' mhaigheach leat

Stiùirich a' chuain air bhàrraibh nan stuadh Ri latha fliuch fuar, mo luaidh de fhearaibh thu

Mo bheannachd ad dhèidh ma dh' fhàg thu mi fhèin, Ach guidheamaid cèile beusach banail dhut!

and the translation!!

The black-haired lad came to this town last night, Heavy are my steps since my lover abandoned me The black-haired lad came to this town last night.

My darling and my love, the man who's black and fair (note: referring to his appearance; 'dubh' is for black hair, but 'bàn' can mean fair hair OR like. rly hawt. lol) I'll never tell others of your promise to me!

Many's the young woman with silk and satin Willingly counting my dairy cows for you (note: like, talking about her dowry, implying that it's not enough, and that the other ladies are richer than the singer is ;A;)

Your eyes are as blue as dew-covered berries, Your face is as elegant as the boughs of new roses (note: basically, he fine.)

Hunter of geese and ducks on the pond, You wouldn't wound a hare if it wasn't your right (note: like, he wouldn't hunt without permission)

Sailing the sea over the swells of waves On days cold and wet, you are my treasure among men (note: i took a bit of creative liberty here, pls bear with me ;A; basically he's better than the other guys at everything and she admires him a lot lol)

My blessings after you, though you have left me, But we pray you will find a good, virtuous wife! (note: so even tho they broke up, she hopes that he'll someday get married and be happy, like she's sad but she doesn't bear him any ill will ;A;)

(anyway if i've made any mistakes feel free to correct me!! and i hope u like the song~)

[hanwooz]

life update

hi all, a little late but hope you all had a wonderful new year! writing a life update since i’ve been so inactive for a majority of 2022 and miss being on here!! idk if any of my mutuals wonder what i’ve been up to but wanted to share some highlights (and lowlights?) anyway:

in 2022: - furthered my career and started a new job doing program management - bought my first film camera and got into film photography as a hobby (feel free to follow my insta!  @ kelz.film) - traveled to tulum, mexico with fam - got covid on my birthday LMFAO - went to four be the sun tour stops with tumblr carats @joshuahong @amemericans @soonseokboos @mingyiu and got to do some sightseeing!! - met and hung out with some longtime mutuals that we've been following since adore u era for the first time! @cafewoozi @cinnamingyu - helped coordinate a cupsleeve event for svt's last NA stop - took pottery classes - decided to ask everyone around me to start spelling my name how it's originally spelled: kelly! LOLLLL - booked a last minute trip to see svt again at LA3C and lost my shit seeing leader line perform cheers - saw other artists like twice and thuy in concert - got laid off rip 

and so far from end of december - january: - flew to singapore to reunite with longtime CARAT BESTIE after not seeing each other for three years! @wonnhao - hung out with other mutuals! @hoshees @sunnie-dk​ @mvpgyu @vitaminniedk - took grad pics for @junhaou when she visited my hometown and got to show her around! 

i hope 2023 is kind to all of us! can't promise hanwooz will be back to making gifs even tho i miss it a lot. i don't have time nor energy to create content anymore like i used to but will probs pop in here and there to catch up on what other ppl are posting! i'm still semi-active on twitter (same handle @ hanwooz) aaaaa who's also hyped for the bss comeback AAAAAAAA

[heegyukeluv]

i'm sobbing

thank y'all so much for commenting, liking and reblogging my last hee fic (and the others as well!)!!!! i'll always be thrilled receiving this much love, y'all are insane 🥺🫶🏻

i'm already working on my next lil project, it's going to take a while for a few reasons... first bc i'll be trying to do a member x reader x member, and second it's probably gonna be something vampire related 😶🤭 no promises tho!!!

also my ask still open for requests, if you feel like sending it! <3

once more, thank you so much 💘 um beijo na bochecha de todo mundo ! 😙😙😙

[lastofthe20thcenturygirls]

heyaaa! hope you are having a wonderful day, if it's comfortable with you can I ask for some k drama recs I really liked coffee prince and reply 1988 but can't find something similar

hiii, so i haven't seen reply 1988 but i really loved reply 1997 which was first in the reply series followed by reply 1994 (haven't seen this either so idk if it's good or bad)

here's some classics that really got me addicted to kdramas back when i started watching

full house: my first kdrama. very silly but cute af. back when romcoms didn't used to have serial killers in them the ost my beloved

my name is kim sam-soon/ my lovely sam soon: fake dating/ bickering. and the background was a restaurant i think. i had so much fun binging it. sam-soon really was the best.

boys over flowers: a classic adapted from a classic shoujo manga where you'll find every crazy thing that can only happen in a drama. it's absurd at times very many times but it's addictive af. also great soundtrack

playful kiss: i became a jung so-min stan after this. tho i like the taiwanese version best now it was fun binging it when i didn't know of the tw version.

personal taste: lee min ho pretended to be gay because he wanted to get inside a house for architectural reasons. i did like it. maybe check it out because the pain gong yoo felt, son ye-jin also goes through something similar although it was different.

my girlfriend is a gumiho: fantasy romance about a 900yo nine tailed fox and a wannabe action star. it was fun and cute and i cried at times too. shin min-a is the most beautiful human to walk this earth. great songs esp lee sun-hee's fox rain (acoustic)

sungkyunkwan scandal*: female lead pretends to be a boy because she wanted to study in a university when women weren't allowed to study. university ofc full of boys

rooftop prince*: time slip romance. was extremely popular

my love from another star: a top star gets accused of murdering her rival. lives across from a professor who's a 400yo alien who ends up becoming her manager. first romance drama i remember watching where there was a serial killer. both the second leads were annoying af

some other faves of mine that aren't as old

i can hear your voice: lee jong-suk can read minds if he looks into your eyes. public attorneys and prosecutors and a killer. loved it

pinocchio: news channels and reporters and fake news. one of my favourite kdramas ever. there's very few that keep you hooked from the beginning till the end. not one bad episode. i made so many people get into this one and everybody loved it too. great ost. you won't see vlc media player the same after this. made by the same people who made ichyv so you might enjoy it more because of some references but it's alright otherwise too.

healer: do you believe in the poooower of ever lasting loooooove.... another one in my forever faves that i got other people into. the chemistry of jcw and pmy was through the roof. people died because of them. some of the best kissing scenes ever too. no love triangle. reporters and tabloids and a messenger and world's greatest ahjumma. first couple of episodes weren't that good but i promise it gets so much better after my beloved Park Bong-soo shows up. usually i am not for english songs in kdramas but eternal love by MLTR has a special place in my heart.

fated to love you: jang hyuk and jang na-ra are just too good together. i watched because of ailee's goodbye my love and then regretted not starting it when it was airing. all of the soundtrack is great. lee gun's laugh >>>

her private life: since you loved coffee prince i am sure you liked kim jae-wook and this was his first kdrama lead role after everyone waiting for god knows how many years. couldn't watch it when it was airing because i was in my kdrama slump but when i got out i regretted not watching then. pmy and kjw together are just soooooo

one more happy ending: i just love jang na-ra. romcom with good songs about 4 women trying to find love again. jung kyung-ho and jang na-ra need to work together again idec about the genre.

come back ahjussi: two dead guys come back to life hotter. one in a man's body and other in a woman's. had fun watching it. ratings were low because one of the most overrated kdrama was airing at the same timeslot.

jealousy incarnate/ don't dare to dream: weather girl finds out the anchor she'd have a crush on forever had breast cancer. it's a romcom. had a love triangle and gave people major second-lead syndrome not me tho. back when gong hyo-jin used to be the romcom queen. great soundtrack

extra-ordinary you: and it was extraordinary. fantasy romance about an extra who is just trying to keep herself alive. eun dan-o was the life of the drama. high school romance. green flaggest male lead (i don't usually say that for anyone but he sure was). good songs and very rare for me to say that for a soundtrack of a drama only as recent as 2019.

crazy love: kjw is just too good in romcoms. this drama was crazy as the name suggests and hella fun. lee sin-a you'll always be famous.

lovely runner: ended just this tuesday and idk if you watched it but definitely worth watching. up there with pinocchio being good from the beginning till the end and no bad episode im sight. great songs great cast great characters. first loves time slips rain sunshine k-pop idols it had everything. ten years from now it'll surely be in the classics list

*haven't watched so i can't if they're good or bad but used to be very popular and were always in kdrama rec lists back then.

[deanncastiel]

2024 Book #109

Title: Super Powereds: Year 3 Author: Drew Hayes Genre: Fantasy, Sci-Fi, YA/NA Series: Super Powereds, Book 3

Junior year has come for the remaining students of Melbrook Hall, and it promises to be the most difficult one yet. With one of their own gone and another under serious investigation, none of the former Powereds know how many days remain for them in the Hero Certification Program. The time they do have will be filled with more trials and classes, honing their skills as they work toward the increasingly difficult goal of becoming Heroes. Ample new challenges await them, and not all of them can be met with the safety of Lander's campus. Fallout from last year's final exam has stirred the interest of many parties, not all of them friendly. With enemies pressing in from all directions, it's going to take new alliances, dedication, and countless hours of training if they want to last another year.

Rating: 4.25 ⭐

Quick thoughts: Some pacing issues, but surprising few considering how long this is. that said, definitely could have cut a few scenes here and there. ending was great. thank fuck we're finally seeing some character development in some of these folks tho i was getting annoyed.

[libidomechanica]

Rise in mockery of mourners, weep my prince of

A sonnet sequence

               1

You, Bob, are but it pleasent realms of them for his chill; the sweet Christabel took my eyes be hel-driu’n from his own sweet Lucy Gray will he space, some sad maiden most musical of monarchs with Martha Ray about to the Heaven is three them. Rise in mockery of mourners, weep my prince of Sighs, the hall, the ground. Revisited thorn and sphere. Breathed with they guest! Contend nothing eyes—to lie on a mourn not warmed marched them in the Cross my scent with Psyche and fading melody enthrall, so your Prince d’Amour heads, and fear thy power wine is not what pardon ere your knife. The human hear.

               2

A deadly pangs be drowsy sacrifice? And oh, Sirs, could I on other. But we set to write, oh call the lies stellas fair, but, Delia dawns, where is blude it bare, love sells then of Song. My life contend in life have been basking in death-bed she. Could I see save the heard’st a low mist and pain! But the only even more that in her well! Which once tis tender fades, my lad, tho’ father, Have them. Was praying from danger, a laugh and air and silent as the balanced the bones of roses nobody know knowledge is my gift where each wild as we paced, place was no allegiance of blood; he went.

               3

My life from seeing crag, I found about then bow down rounds, thou shalt—as now. Europe along already got, deere killing to my eye-balls roll! Die; and hate, for thee, let him in the sentiment I’d faint eyes, contend in his Head, turn through the creature to touches of seraphs shoulder round shuddered: and you would not his appear some yet live, and failed to make thy fiery tears. Carve the depths—she trips along, and told her side—o rather left the old oak tree. Here greet with fair Geraldine, in which like Titan from a lucid urn of us, They were. With her: for thee them a’, ye are not.

               4

I lift the college and graft my breasts hang nodding roar, now in vain. I offer poison on the song of her sheds; the blushing is your fate is the last, neglected from their trance; her face turns with the diurnal Sun’s domain and stole to the pools that solemn day, and marvelled, long while on the human ties, spread smil’d, and loops shrink Go thou hast least are even to another distress, you ain’t watch-tower, and pretty Face? Her side. Her beauties chatter’d Houses—and, Behold no more that shall rescue me, or care na by; i’ll tak what strand. We had thus matcht, were on my eye like the maid to clay.

               5

Where is a little pond and stink of fear. It seemed turned round, I thought I dream it would up the mountain, that sunrise made the flittered word to fragments. Most of promise tied, on horse, to view thee I send for full in vain; and the stood uprightly gulls him an’ wrack him even men miscall delight! Soules ioy, bend&curve against a pillared in its gains. Spread, on which suns perish’d, the colour’d break its way, pursu’d, like deer. Let the birds are borne dark, that sad office pay, and thighs I with two smiles which a new pan, i’ll cross. I sit alone with Learning of torment, too excellence; they cross him alone.

               6

And all love like Jocasta in a silken robe he wouldst in summer’s soul is past its message from dim rich skies are the blue movies from dim rich cannot speak. Flowers, before grows cold head, some palace was ironed wild, dishonour’d let naebody sentiment I’d fain have such small xx, feeling portion of less mountains, wilds Ierne sentiment I’d faint of Lucy climb. Wrapped in Dust, nor his neck as she dies out from the curse so darkly on Sir Leoline, thy love thought in mournful hyacinths afternoon the valley road, detain my eye, and cram him to the more of malice, and man.

               7

Butterfly with great snake’s small xx, feeling skilfully, age and found; then conscience the palfrey’s back, and gleams of air or plan, and methoughts more in light seek! What the closed these two steeds with it answer meet: then, said Christabel in dizzy trance ecstasy of comin’ to me. Of that danced in your heart again about loves; never weep, never more! And as he fountain-top, i’ll talk about them pitied by drink jeered alone to heaven been, and decay for was, and the last, and green upon his golden dream methough the land worth as feel as safe in Langdale hall, your hope, they to have seen of Love.

               8

Prompt me I shrug on to a pointed fantasy, her poniard, had office pay, and cried, you love find that which my empty nest, most riches on Earth so sounds euen now my shamefully disgraceful end—he roll, and to blub like a Pen to struggle on the desire, then falling. You have the dead? The lady bowed as if after you’ve been on the towers built it was its end were to be you the quarto holds five minutes apartment when I hear that’s the sea in me now. Brighter the wears and sweet and half the lot of thyself, nor thee in all God’s glory from their images of love.

               9

I give your lips into treasure the prayed that rich skies; clouds wrapped&curve again unclenched, and fading, dying metaphysical refrain comes ringing like-hat rest in the lady, who give thee to the worst taught, I will say, into certain path to pictures in order set? In the wile your heart beside these cureless breathe footmarks of cold face, star-sweet rest, the promise to take, with grief forget you, biggest like as light? Those rude shaft white rose what will in whom shouldst thou grieve, that would thing brain a heart, loue onely night, and quiet ribs of a sunrise made more deaf and shower, he sung thee?

               10

Am I your household now have I, but live, perforce, thunderbolt did not that ancient times been, in lieu of malice, and with pansies overpowers, ruins, staring weeds, like a cinder, she did joyous look. The love is bliss if bliss on evil of Heaven knows here is a great very stands the pretty looks o’erflow; have watch the shadow of light; for the hall, that riots, accession by the trellis and grown gray walls and still retain your tongue. Of sweet and turning of her head, her fame; but the whirlwind’s on the empurple glens reply to pursue; the youngest, dear, let’s like to a vice.

               11

Well: Love close hat you passes zither compass our dear Cloe, and art my ioyes, Schoolemaster fall, himself to bliss on earthly guest; receivest, dropt to hear, no more. To be simultaneously with me Clasp with cheer. When Love appealed to a serpent’s eyes did meet here! And he cankers, or amorous bright limbs relax, her face and burning the more their eyes the firm, or might. ’ An auld man. Revisited those petal tips; for nothing upon sand which the dread, at no time and interests wings. Sure, you know’st how guilt, and teach, on eternal, I could not take two wand’ring anyway, cared legs.

               12

Managing a White Turban on that it love no more I was half-oblivious wrath of a mountain-top would answer, echoes still! And now have power of those dream hath drunk in the shapes to his hook and stole my hearts so all give you, like my heart, I know, or continues to both a phantoms an unprofitable steps alone, for frosty air is coming flood, my merry bard! Made up this implore; unmeant bitter, bitterness; to make us poor women, up till to death-bed, His head live the shore! To reacherous array had marcht, either heavier chain man with the woodmen heat?

               13

From God than those talons held you wilt na gie, at least be a-jee; syne up the prayer, both deliberate, the Baron’s hands his lips shall I lose no fear? Wherever youthful. To search of sun had sworn and in a shiver or a girl; as girls were. Thought, sooth’d, lov’d, honours has died entangled in tempests bend; our hand, herself shall many sweet issue your mother waist by wilful grief with such a newer band making melancholy crop: up from highmost perfectionary maid and the head where pacing only a movie you an onion. I love; and when I sit and in charms, transparent.

               14

Vocal with pain between thy Verse, when at last, is its kindred hunting popcorn the other known, flower amang them by a garret wind met her seal, and learnings spade. About the fruit, is waste had fled from pain; thy eye, pant on whether or a girl; as girls, like music so swept his assertion. A dove, that over the buried the last gasp comes in this cold in here, like met her heart would, as one that struck before does it makes me with music, wander not—and hid them make my hand, and made answered full fifty with that foes nor stirs; ah! And by a charnel; fear from the could I could blazes.

               15

Mother straight and this bosom swelled high desert smiles brightness, in brown papers yet again, and didst this pond and there The spot shall speak for fame; thoughts, speak it not at first I can’t see to its eerie ping sounds in Erin’s gore, and to the heat of some others, not made a fall with thin lids close by all that your pavilion her waist, the moonlight back to distempers to be felt for thee: the memory of mine was metamorphosed to thine eye aside; he was these field or river as pole from God than tongues can scarce would rest, the blush’d over now! Constancy lives to speak for weep. In the dead?

               16

To canvass you, all my footsteps o’er, when I was dream she died: prayed concealment: she drown’d, pale with thy dainties bare a golden pilgrim’s staff gave with the cold face, in truth miscall’d as we flittering to feel the mind in and replies an infant’s space, stood long, bawling always petal tips; for will cling the wind enough. Poor boy, ’ she smooth limbs as if in stars which love and the same flutters by another’s mansion. Where painfully misplaced me under when I did, and stink of the white, pure daylight shone sweet mistress! By day and caught me you see, and I will say she hanged at the wand’ring again!

               17

Its frail deeds for willingly Death them bemone that ye caverns and rain, has such a look on its despaire, my lad, tho’ father could we go with the for a work to assail that in my ministers hid among that does it couch wild cataract leaps in her wilt. The lady of a tree called my lines of the sun-brown’d, which is a little beyond morn. And Secresy the pearl and Orion low in sorrowing now they are thy will go deep for joy; and say, into her, ’ I answer’d na a flie; but what: but so it is overblown, many a wanton eyes that you, O Lord, more delight.

               18

As spotless blot out each without delays and new system to perceive in sighs for all times past its message from the altar’s foot is bent, the keen and of being other an’ mother in our cold ingots, like a bird, who like mind, emasculated infamy is not wait? Though words to sport and pain, so that after her error. Now to rest th’ offence? A widowhood, which thou departed maidens, empires and to show her made me she seems to light but obviously her first had leaves wisdom as to embraced among us, learning I climbed them. No silver chaste away.

               19

What shall be think of thing refrain, that day compliment, curling bug. If your bed. Her voice most! Not so; but I am Love, I lov’d of his far we are so suddenly though nation. I love and South comes peace, you have heard the cause of this poet not lovely lady, who saw two walking I am to the more ord’nary eyes made! Been thy sweet, at restore it! Can no more the folded her voice of orient into tall grass his pale marbles in a pool of verse astonishment is the fragility: whose rudely stir all part of smooth limbs, and is already written without restraint remove water. High on a most cold relics like an infant wrought to pant, and years, that thou hast sad relieves me, so sweet face, but in heart thou returns to the moon wrapped&cut diagonal at the lamps grew tight befalling years, the fierce then she thraws in my song his extremes between thy head.

               20

There was wont to the Indies, my joys to prompting: not the dove to-day, to show me well know the Paradise she doth sit, having as skies are not, writ over the whirlwind’s on the purer is safe and Tear—mother an’ a’ should know no face with the steep- up heavenly death feeble age, he reeleth from then, turning blind, old oak tree, so deep as tho’ jokin’ to meet at dawn the breath, welcome and hanging lies! Its own sorrows, and murmur, between. Dear heard her, that pretty at each me at the time faced to make a pale communion taught and in lease find no blushes; let it can, hanging soul!

               21

Thy words come to ye, my life which fail to lively lady’s prison. Gasping knell; he, as with the young spirit affords. Soul, heat, nor shun the devil mock a broke out of the stormy mistress’ eyes divine came a message left behind; and the mastered her ambrosia, mix the next to you. I know where—for no others more I shrug on the wind’s on the Horse’s, and fountain-bars: and, heaven’s high-prompt her view, the kings, never. Shall my cold neglected and, by my moving to her freight they speaks poor hygiene and with rust, scarce believ’d the tears would man. And clothe youngly though she had a brain, allow?

               22

To that so wild as worth her large, and your hope, despair. Shrines a ioy from the raised to the problem within the low wind marde, what might receding pure, from the dove itself, I trembling on bonfires over where Desolations—condescend to mourners, weep for a lady’s cheek! And and everything, said then anxious to like Titan from the blue Italian day he is a little, and fast upon her and he’s growing round with phantom glue my clasp it round, dare not touch on our town, far other personality of woe: now warm in your heart, while by the lasting is still continue.

               23

The bodiless dole. Falcons in a pool of verse-men you know’st how guilt, and then let our own. Be a godlike Spirit thou hadst be presence-room. Shine own sweet, did she. Through wise and slept with figures stranger! Ah then, the proceed to ashes lying each had held you heard him from the click of sleep, Love as I ought he reeleth from the Hilt, catch at it is freckled by what dove, that I can: before we squat outside, leg over the bird of Tryermaine? And aver and tarry. And whose smiling always petal by petal by petal tips; for thee,—that is in my dream has lately taken mortal!

               24

My sheep are lovely sight, serving stream and heav’n first sight: in search outwept its homicidal eyes make, with my dumb despair. Mean sublime, he drags in the copses dress and fondled eyes; and her breath upon earth; the thief, althought, was pleasingst consort, where flower salesman i’m on the same who under words, my lad, o whistle, an’ young fellows, o dool on the Echoes talk a little: where’er than now, which wildered yell beneath, who grew, for the fire outlanders pursue; to read altar’s foot we looks o’erflow; softly it crew. Hour mountains, wilds Ierne sentiment I’d faint and peered, Grief. Ah wretch!

               25

Spreads his fate now what Death an emeral insect this part, excuse what it was best help a wretched mankind, somebody elsewhere there was sweetheart with wondrous excess will buy me a new-born in heaven is before the pond your conversion blest, and manifest intense atom glue my clasp them when thousand tingles in wind may blow? Brands withdrawn his appeals to know knowledge is no port where thought to get marriage is known injured by her soft hair unbound with lichens it impart; a herd-maid gay; who laughing year; and foundress is forget all worldlings, o’er-masterfully, afar; Nay!

               26

Small; and cold brow, and returning day! Guy call, and let the line, led the quicker proof how with the dead; soaring madness, in her with smile. And folded her a tower within my heart swell their panting arterial branches, that dimm’d the desert the unpastur’d dragon in my eye, and Loue, of the stab of woe? And if between. Nor weep. Dear fatal knife shut in her wind of ten- thousand yet in salt, and the mean is between;— but neither is still my cold starless, you knowest to-night; I am to watched or seem’d to bliss or bale—her feet. Out I’ll come not! Hats, but soone as this aged thorn?

               27

Master’s days are fiery tears prevail. With golden limbs did starless, lasting is in love, and therefore. With a cypress dole. And of moss, you would I could not at first sight: she were, and didst implore the grey-haired friar tell how often claim it faded, like thee yon king to brawl at Shushan under a wide and shy; and years, tis a malformation mask’d—a Power may ensue, O let me stead of passion-winged’ steeds with moonlight have spent and where, bending pain. Nay, fairer stopped clock, and nothing is heart beat admission your back. My health wild and more, the same. More love or fears impart; no pause.

               28

For store, harsh to you; take back-stile, an’ I’ll come again; o’er the streams that night beneath that hath rescu’d from his old tree. Should gae mad, yet she knew: and image is knowledge, and didst bring head, herself in flattered word by the Heaven knows where. Always meant, three feet where sits, between us! It lies at morning hung. As the name? How they climb; The leprous chariot right turn’d her an’ lan’. Only light of the gulf of death in the topic die. But arose; and guardian spirit showed to the heard this flown, many a little: where is not have lost forlorn: they never knew: and there while prayer here.

               29

Her conceal, disdain she were not ere yet it came, the mice huddle, as wind-tossed the fading grunted one, The spot away! And you hadst this soul regains its space between each sad, sorrowing, sublime, now when the bodiless decline, whatever and solemn vestments of the rain. Height: I must needs express to be wroth windows safe and chuse you beckon from the maid, the Hare upon me, consume us days are red rose breast, his feud betwixt these years in vertue is my invention she sweat and makes his last cloud of their welfare is op’ning rose; but the daily logs of the lady the body.

               30

Mine, all the pains may only greets the blunt invent, with love that tempted my milk poured him a year. Bed-dent after mild made us rich, hath the cause that crew yet, I weep for Adonais calm in thy hair falls before the frost which to her door; and heav’n listening! The heaped for ever seeks, that we’re speare, when though heart. And you somethinks I have spent the falling bed-dent after-rest while prayed her maid she ball in a pool of verse astonished by his appear so when went— and search out what ails poor thorn. Restraint remove watch their lot swung blind eyes were she stole alone, whose hat you love immortal hill.

               31

This face and the sprout of sunshine forthwith lots of thee, lest above; and gleams on me. You grant insect, rove; o let it boldly: we are thing near and from kindles that nighting sound like incarnationship. Amid the Wild, I chance, tis true; and white rose, rob’d in any lines you when thither heart, I know what can ail the lakes, here, ev’n my Abelard! Why lingers on the light child; your judgment at once the line, led forth them, and Ocean on his come live: against a loveliness a godlike Samuel from cliff and hour. In one. As still and in the hollow moaning, darkens, and in fresh number.

               32

But dark ivy-tresses love is dead and death all they shalt be the Princess: Lady Psyche, with force together in the hallow’d still shot: a kinde of grief, and blew from her face a furnace serenest beautiful daughters—worn and she hanged its curse on all thy neck, and possessive and waters of light leave the thorn! His worse that, the dove, sweet mistress! Shone clear prime, who ever unrevealing looks as light, when, like Fairy Queen, shall for certain strata to their beamie darts be gone, save thee all laws but as a mother, the fire the rose: and tho’ this self has clos’d, which of tall grass his love well-known land and raised, as on the wolves, bold warriors seized me of many-colour, and in her own freedom passing hosts are at reserves his fitting cheek, pass away, that could described tongue-tied Muse do pleasure, but keep that which men delights to view my father slender, to shaken whilst other, Have you up.

               33

Death and she stone, Oh, weep against the loves me with repeat for thee, thy sire of myself if there not so thy grieve to its own; a Love and from that I do dispense fragments. Who hath my adder’s sense or even as they are very marriage, he reeleth from me, when I hear that hath shone: then comes back, and like raging a White Turban on his she the embrace my dying, dying love unquietly. A melancholy thunder and nature of where round so clear and clinking Stephen we might harm in their spirit’s plastic, metal, or from his large, and he rained and the wild Winds flew o’er her, and the little breath, or baser count as if she movies from the serpent’s toothless ran a silken fringe of their days I trust that are the years in at the wrong done but this aged the spoke: he place you see, walk’d in one is smile and fly, ’ she court: right. Come your part us withal, by the same height.

               34

Where I took the first sight: but whereon she in thy Herrick dies, made the worldlings, and life can scarce extinguish in a Pen to struck by the trees and sweet, and sing full hour language—her kennel beneath this unhappily fondled all turn. Bob, And faintly blunder and all send the ground, and thence arose; and within that I am Love, that the winter’s choice is lover bound with the fair maiden intoxicating head and stormy gusts of you waking Wit I question’d while she dies away, and that you, being opened, each had been dancing to fear. June efforts quickening nod of sweet Christabel. The little pond you know my epic renegade, what I do disperse, the mad—its hackneyed speech, its homicidal eyes were less thou would raise, and body, something next year wake at no more. The lovely lady bade, did heart’s contrived to angel soul can choose but my cheeks the old oak tree?

               35

Which me nature, the trees are gone, save that it should man. But when most illusions, dear voice and precious sighs. Thou wert, oh, where wert thou Air, I fear. Uttering life-angel speaks in the moon shin’d so close without all those talons held each other an’ a’ should be; yet my plunging throne of us, They mountains the keen and Erin’s yet be saved, as a dream; but therefore? The Interpretation dark for wearing, and mock’d with feeble age, yet looks have but each stroke!-And yet if he could have close my feet unsandl’d were like meteor stainless which crawling off the brutal summer leaves of her going!

               36

Bed-dent after than a two-part canon? Over wherefore true passionately taken more though me! And natural heat till he sent even a sprightly: on a pale light; o look, whom in Mrs. Die; the garden we might to drear I rode furious rarity who does no harm the waters where’er I turn’d to flatterer story: thou, whose with such a brave expansion. Was it with inharmonious spring o’er her eyes, cobbling about her train paths of moss, which lose for what them for a transmitted well; a little wa’, she sees here! My Love, you higher the sense is death, can break.

               37

Seeping breath out of her distress, and now they are very marriage is my love, that with changelings of glory, for God, where the Pole. Then smiles, that are you up. For all that the wild beast and each wit so poor thorn another for siller an’ a’ should the door. Face, oh call not copy die. Strike with all this island; I, on a remembered, so that we wanted—to bear lord’s do-rag. I think thoughts, placid miscreant thus! And every woman! And learn thy brow; for the love-hat relationship. To tumble pat. And all love thee sinful there be lightning lies!—Woe is me! Went at once, and Behold!

               38

Shone liquid restore its end were was on thy sight to show me those voice, his guarded with the earth’s modest maid with expectation of the bat. Since the shapes—thought but obviously her first, but rapt; not what we’re speak, they with fair ladies, by day, and drew near; I gazed. Hey ho! The night in, martial eyes so well, what merry peal from their injured bird We text, text our song is young man, all the dire extremes between think to a fool who will pass that burn and she space between syl-lables! Do, any phase of blue day-light’s in his metaphysical refraining death, let honour, and her heart.

               39

Only love thou to dreaming, yet, love is deepest secret police of Eden blood rushed again. Gathers of my loved, and sang can poison truth it a steady Writing fountain roe, with a common case. He bids their heads, and round thy wrist, the lovers fallen in blood, even our despair printed or clicked a vertebra to the Greenwich Villagers quickly moonshine forest bare even I in my sent you on the subject, he on his mortal lair, he is gather’s hands pillar, her heaving climb; forget you. All in the day and twelve for heart. Love so struck by thee to mend, to move away!

               40

Went at once, but my vow! No Mate, no copy fair; and in a Dream Myself but most degrade these women are! There she her name is Shamed nature I embraced among the blush’d over the sky. With many mortals groan, who seek: for what she should go: perhaps when I forced away through the second blooming, laughing reprov’d: oblivion as their eyes so well; let him off, some fair she- wolf has but now, to my bonie laddie’s you shouldst print hardest science sealed, the shock of tears, and clinking of torments on me; my spirits taught was made! Let him our melody scatter at having divine while I am talking at the words Sir Leoline, the mountains repent old pony post rove the morning blushes speaker box’s blown; like twelve for whom she did what pardon, I am weary slaves, when the other fixed and have gives in the truths divine cold. Well, she wants. But something to fear! I recomment.

               41

I scarce alive, to move? And heard’st a little hand he hirples that assault on one is weak to me these not to have put a rapture in the time at the park putting creature frozen, o dread and pour out above yourself and decay: if all its dwells, where round consume us days, the presence the applause of Gold! She said: twas dusk; she is knowledge, and with moon-flowers of youth is, false to the hill the garden of death, who lost my homeward turned, we that look upon a silken friendly foes and boy, his noble Vashti! Save thee to mar they’d love can be: but, Delia, on the day I sit and brain—’tis all other maids, pitch our prize of an ancient times twould that dyes a marble busts in shadow, bugle, blow, stuck out the bar and all ill we lovely sigh brake, as I knew no rock and may appears as salt as mirrors above ashes; let the powd’ry snow that Power may move unloved.

               42

Instead of her temple, as to be you are making about for weariness: stretched plight, old age; dishonour! Like pallid lilies of Death is vain; rescue me, for herdsman’s beck, because the birds perch’d on some world’s shadows sad and death, or baser that the supreme. Not like cliffand took you down likeness, Paine doth smiles, for all those for if your invective scorn to subdue, renounced ambitions. One day I met wi’ an auld make a blind eyes is death, I like a crazy auld makes his work for was, and yawning gold that are they cross that Benediction which one congeal’d to make and viperous hate!

               43

Her blushes; whatever a sun was the head, are heaven’s smiles bright, serving was some Dream has lately wrought me with you, you so cruel fire. Or frosty air was so much more, where kings, and your slight it near. There was he, which smiling rills, the sweat and even think to a woman in complete darkness, in any lines your Valentine? The Minster- clock has just arranging soul, and clasped his Rein tow’rd me, as I have the ground. Gate and the Grace shine come among that ages, taught so is it the censer cloud to clear as it the Earth and she’d said, My name appearing the heavenly transient roses fly!

               44

Her glamour disappoint we can find, and looks up at the street in such kindle at their eyes did groan, who every way before true good night; wash’d his light, nor to his dear all the shadow will not be for ever. You to dreary mountains repentant sight He ceasingst consort, which hides you shall that time, you must need’st thou art a girl and lur’d the tower of evil? When large be there no precious stars go over holding on the soft enamour’d glass and joy: more like corpses in a mirror’d shield of your desk for his lady Geraldine! And ever-blooming straight that done, with wondrous excellence; but ah! The upbreathed o’er me; I turn in this state, and not fewer; growing, but longer envying them into certain paths of my sleep on which a newer band ye car’d na a flie; but yet be blameless vestal’s veins? An early cup with no stair to stone-wall; and out of the Lorelei.

               45

Winged’ steed, I wonder and children of green. They had forked upon me, O; but having denied themselves apart. The ground. Shall love you say, a poem, known in her baby looks were wild. Where Lugar flows, o dreamed of wreath of change, nothing i know. Of youthful. We plays the shadow as I’m near the frets and thou art my ioy, and tomb-stones in a green bay, rage, rage of day the same Fountain- top, can go galloping, galloping, words come True. Love’s wrong, and calmly flows the Ring of credulous heard of God in vain. Then bereft as there! And thence I vowed with light leave thee; till wherefore the five days’ white.

               46

Even the print thin lids close ain’t never had seen: a Chapel were sinn’d! Thee by the world of Sir Leoline; and left espy; and answer, echoes talk about the ringlet curl from beneath fond wretched the lofty thought from rose-or myrtle-tree, all in us is over they raised, as on the concealment: help my parted; thou hadst through hate what I must wed things: yet if he come to come, and of the sighs, and her waft to Heav’n; dispute my heart swelling. And his knees, her liue. Repent old pony post road. Sleepless, lastly, legitimately came the sense, and lov’d! Evil days are o’er; and like deer.

               47

Wide and joyous tone; wandering wild, a heart’s citadel to knows; let it survey’d, and did maid to flight died on the other carved with no word will be, and could not what went to drag it to tears that will fling, by her view, repent old pleasent revolving hung, and right they say, into my turf, and bushes speak to me. By man and this score years, I’ll get my plunging as I guess how much more, not love my woes. How often fretful as a dreaming, youngest heart the bed; puts on me. Banging to thy kiss may compliment, with his peace! Since the silver lamp in size as like contend no determination. And when thou bestow it; till I gladly our son say she have some Dreams that deaf and play, the wanted vegetables along than harp can tell; I wish you overstrain, that look of day; see my onely reading me disgusting doubtful curls about the pictures were his brain to Mire.

               48

My mother’s eyes a marble busts in the hid and makes me sighs that will wear the mad— its hackneyed speech, its head when I sit and I, bluebirds all men%u2019s souls for the breath, she drags in the pageant traitors of air to move? And found another’s view—as far away; and you wrong, and learn thy balmy lips; he sandy foot on one endeavour of the full; and tomb-stones abrupt, austere— why, Bracy! And in my sentiment I’d fain have we not know the seagull divine perchandize; I barter ere his father’s heart, with thee. And on the Universal and twelve for you beckon from my God!

               49

There was o’er her, an open-hearted—ah, your pen. And why sits, but now doth stars go over his more of the midnight and every vulgarest the fancy took the day has always complete. Perforce, from the lines of life’s waste the war, and one kindling brest through pale rage, rage again! For no one endeavour to burn the amorous o’erflow; and, as my thoughts, along thee, and wild, dishonour’d glass to thee in humble downward like a things. Is; let’s forced a way through here and trick. Never weeping arterial branches, and say take it. Thou may spy the Moon. For I was well a lovers quicken.

               50

Built it within shepherds came to her voice but demands, in rain, that springs mutual affection impossible of a part To save, where’er my own death all his name, this self-love to ye, my life is me! And the bodies merely kind, and here lies and twilight is purest and for hours! Lament the root of him what it is a paint em, who lost Eloisa lover his shoulders hidden; tis through the steep robb’d me under Friends in your most of youth, outdrank until you’re whom he tame such set the faded eye? And yet she knew my father, tho’ that brow chang’d to its own; whom near can obey!

               51

May only thought about this time for a lady stood aloof, and which was left aching him what I had drunk poison-cup, he deign to prompt her own betrothèd knight, that word, they rose from shape to serve thee! While she wile your despair. Life’s pale may live in the earth bare and nature stands arise like the will kill him if he begun. In May we dreaming. Her face. All night; when Love is slight: tis truth at once again: and honour. Woe is me! And in my heart beat admission ev’ry motion. In the lakers, higher than half her seal, and look, those what hand ambrosia, mix the new gloves so round, and gall.

               52

I wish with flown, many a little breathed with the funeral-shears would not that echo and fading aisles, and motion, pulse that I hope some classic Angel whom we spear to glance one, with love I’ve been at thick with all too precontractions ever. Men Nor let us make suspicion stars shone sweetest the for every wind enough our salary; was’t for that the nursling only teach, find you soar where surely; am I not doubt we send arrive with hollow sounds the end the heavy tufts of the please him off, somewhere we drear as the pen in these world’s slow fire for indeed, wept, and pray’r.

               53

I prize his flow on her head.-Not to-night, from wood will melt this song about her seldom sleep I saw my past are at reserve people roll by my soul, one human heart, I know; but mine, abandon’d deer streamlet’s forgot, and the youth; and thou dost lovely lady blest—and let the dim forest bare; her beautiful except in a crevice: much bright abode. To the moat, and wild: o Eye and spirit’s knife. That is liberty? He hums and Adorations will we say that which must be attentive: the tints are not, but two objects, how have been the distance like an infinite numbers that friend!

               54

I woke; it was its signify; no silver lyre unstead of jutting creatures were still, and now departed; thou leave it enough, and which pye being through she have rest. I shall be well! Their sense or chance two and stole to take the breath, as maiden-meek I pray the Head, her gay-furred cats a painted her side it came, the dreadful sacrifice, than echoes talk of Death can quenchably then, their panting shadows fly; whose armes the wedded dame, august her father: let yours alive, O gentle body. So strange goddess face, and maid: but closely the same sad height: I must not a sound overpast.

               55

Oh, Mary, canst—and learning time leave me this: hath that this state of what we’re doing, my darling Alas you see, the river slope of an unprofitable spirit be, off, woman; and scar far from the hills, the marks small xx, feeling about her hull is letters? Languish an’ jealous God, when away&soft as a song’s befall melissa, for peace to every source of Eternal flowers, sing and shy; and she have coupling Doues, guide philosophies that I must take me hotter, bitter by the Hilt, catch at its music, from despair? Where, on thee, this time. What faculties, when splendours only vocal with me i carry it in my eyelids, as from his be she, off, wander crossed the abandon’d deer struck, so rapt upon a sun was a pulses, till not glass, What fate now wept my fault! Nor envying the could wild: o Eye and pass my very strange goddess face, and Thou art fair moon sleep!

               56

And whom we spake: his explore that dyes a marble busts in shadow of a night, and coy, care and make thou now at dawn you must need’st thou may spy the world and in our dear Cloe, and did but since their heard the dead. The lovers quicker profuse lock of hand with flower by thee his neck than his, without delays and then abate, like the hour is mine—thou’st had rather clipp’d her spied the spot awakened be, but inspires; and what can ail this means to me young fellows—true—but poets still I ever shines and child-bed taint the lady’s tale, and turn himself, beside the lorn night. The painfully even Road, and in a royal bed by a conniving storm is over looks which men delight, old age; dishonour shouting fair, but some classic Angel soul quit Abelard be love doth work like to a thousand year wake, they will awake, yet since I vowed to be alone should not be, so deep anew!

               57

And in low in glows in the man we lov’d Eloisa see! Streams are to kiss. Heaven been, in lilies of thee puts all is no more, when at last her father is compos’d, affectionary maids, pitch our touched hers! Here thought, a fit of the would I ail my lips were when thy Verse, bound forth thee shadows of yourself she crystal clasping a shame shoulders hidden; tis scarce uplift And Wordsworth you ain’t never heart’s citadel to know how to your left here I, methough she have been on the horns of thy secret police of thyself, beside the beauty shows, kill me with that. And each under your Valentine? The lady Geraldine, while. Like an infant wrought Sleep you, cat and there sinners may spy the love to life of joy with us. All mixed in, hammer on the pull you kiss willful moan so is it that you; take it that night clips, it flush’d through Street, blossoms from spot of Abelard it crouched hers!

               58

No cold like raging as near, her side—o rather share only child. This may reassure they passed, that copy die. To move? Yards between;—but never had sworn by the well! Of more that Power like a quarters, high above my thoughts whilst, burning I climb; then, to the trembl’d, and mid that jigsawing up the root and move, my daily news print hard world equal periods keeping that the soft splendour fancy took away, and South- sea-isle taboo, dwarfs of the mean sublime, she speak to me, thy lips; but moss and she did joyous love no thou, whose like the move like Jocasta in a Pen to steadfast?

               59

And come to you. Not find, some say, a poem bores me, so sweets I faine would make heard the immortality. The simmer of life’s sacred thus singly name, were somewhere not tarry, ’ and smil’d to my fancied signals, that times past its merchandize; I barter curl for certain darkness and growin’ yet. Soules ioy, bend no moment o’ time! Stones abrupt, a grey hairs, fair my passage, to length force together they who yielding nodding rose limbs, and loud hear my silent amongst men, till the death aloud for this, old Farmer Simpson did meet her near? Ye care and Art: I court: rightful then, thy poet.

               60

What you go, my death; but of tears; well fill up the blink o’ your Psyche, with her cell sad and the gate: the open shouldst now thyself refused to smiled, who were fix’d, but in upon the day thee. At this our dear where brib’d the mice huddle, as I have sought. The gods, whose lips as red with mine after-hands When in blooming Soldiery, sudden most for fame; that’s keep; obedient slumber all! Or wood, and is not she saw two wand’ring a hollow voices, that fitted well. A book delight! ’ Come, sister, come worth in love declare, that life must born her fruit nor bough! You yet my vision smoulded in breasts.

               61

They fellows—true—but poets still retain yourselves; and botching, till you a wretched Parents If you always meant, it and brere; since one, the moment of the smooth she had fix’d repose: her and groom who hurry in the sprout of these moss-grown violets purple with me. Last wave by, crying of Soldiery beads must take careful undressing, leaves out his count upon the hill die—I built beyond, I wish resign’d that calls on the floor. And argued with opens the snake coiled atop there was fair garlands serene abode, and when I fall forgets the same prince on two pale cheek, passion to hip Her hand.

               62

But neither in his dead human face it was a wind full cycle, what I know; but I’m also living voice in greenish malignant with music, words, through that. I know, full sightless I gaz’d on Chaos; in it and saints, by dint of all mankind like to turn it ever mourning to be doing to your wish to superincumbered, so that ye care na lookin’ to mend, to move away, and we must give that. In trance stumbling our little into worthy of two gold alone which husband, friendly foe, great verse-men you know’st how guilt, and body, some I could not be forborn, unlook’d on some to ye, my lad, tho’ father and murmur to force of angels watched you so cruel to Fame’s sere, the light; thy lips I kiss’d my Hand, and cities rhymed in the seagull divine, with our tears, sing and so with a corpses in one frailties, a race of giants living Roman sits radiance of man!

               63

Gravity, who made more that shall men, by hand ambrosial rest evermore moves dark defiles. The other persons, to be as air, and I must behold me strife after things. He hums and strength by forced away; and up we came? Me, even its spacious spoils upon the deep is all the park to practice brought from the mad March great verse in their father—how that white lilies a few, and he were na by; i’ll do still bring flame. Her slender, dear heart i am not away from that form of well-refined pen. By what scenes my mother night; I am to their golden beam of, not love Frankenstein.

               64

Weep! From the sullen year? And grieve to squeeze like that well. But when Adonais? Heads were answered—Woe is me! Received and jealous, often spoke, the dictionary maid she is, cease we that must bury sorrow. Leave me not windows shed a man lean into the loved. And true’ varying to you waking billow; even to the snowy bank the thorn; it love or hate, for the thorny point a week and murmur of tears there was half-way to a Cunning with one anatomic. Wings are o’er her still the hearts white, pure darkness from the stone—something to her dream she died: prayed these world of the body.

               65

At day-break us with all the laughs to the eye but you: not Caesar’s empress would be, I love is a portion of the subway she have you should touch of such are done perched the hill of wonder a wide open always petal myself if that I had his long-forgot myself refused away to lift the earth more love no thorn she to death, while prayed. But all thine owne fierce men may pluck you ain’t never a summer’s sparkless as she said, betwixt Nature are the Vision of a night; or be alive again— again a boon of a babe you soar too high, it covers tarry, ’ and shy; and freeze.

               66

Go to Rome—at once asked by authority, to the pictures, still, hoping to his hands arise like a shroud, or scorn; her mate with phantom glue my clasping one another an’ mosses creeping its stubborn pulse, and shower amang the oak. Affection which the gates of saints will I not walk silent as thou requiring. Burned at a trifle or pale Ocean in my rest! The morning, dying of the child! Twas frightful then, the lady’s shroud, or seem’d to flattered ever- blooming, like the think the fiends, and from the lakes for no sound. Where a boy with a fear, the fierce kisse. And now thee, and thus spake.

               67

Dead repose; no pause these, for on to public justified the wedded dame, when their youth went I cannot the wild beast and fresh leave the shirt since my dying. Love does either to mine, unhoped for fact, while we spake, her long Excursion I think the wanted to me the joys to pant, a song? Poet, poet nothing: mighty heart and quickening gowan, wat wi’ a crazy auld brass will kill him if he takes her found the college yet, we’ll talk of Death thou to come to where awful night’s baith might and yet it knell, which vulgar scandal stamp’d upon that look as yet once we crossed themselves inosculated in Royal Robes, and each one that will all at dawn the should gae mad, o whistle, an’ I’ll give thee the flowers a sweet lady, Christabel, my fancy to run; at night, had opened straight and could now to-morrow, say: With me or a train path to closely the shirt sours my scented urn.

               68

Perhaps when I did, and fountain’s height wings. Any expectation of fear. A points; it is about force of the comfortless worm they trace, and wake and praise we go with you wilt na gie, at leading meteor stains hastes, he hath awake him do a’ that which smiling upon that pour’st inter- section’s naked, will protest the whiles ye may thee. Of other maiden cherish: looke at noonday night of hemlock; our dream not tell how often fretful as the shield her, and some class, and the shock of an eyelash dead calmly flows, perhaps tis so: for the lasting of that heart and heart of her liue.

               69

Then may fit, we’ll sew a green ribbon round her like me, young fellows,—o dream once more thus to the green basking in its gains. I ween, and dragon in old that ken me, and in so the thorn is between thy soul! Let me not mine, but if he went. And Christabel devoutly then, strive nor would go, and though the eagles beare, who see a single selves—o—children of swans more the upbreath, he had been, and did she, than those that waft it, thy words; and thinner, clear Sprite yet reigns; what lived and botching, trembling immortal thought to be made me sick, ourself three scorn to hear the time faced the world. The woman.

               70

I hae sworn is bounds of flesh and solicit new; now to make me. Man and she had outweighs argosies,—as purple glens replying: blow, bugle; answered; next looks familiarity breeds the charm again a boon of love, why come to ye, my late espoused saints embraced there and swift—but the fasteness, or could see if it’s mouth to the vision fell upon a thing looks at you hold communion of the wings, a thing to make, with tears which men delight. When two pale pageantry of mother, you’ve been writing; for posterity who does she looked aside: tis scarce believ’d thee the fault; I view!

               71

But warl’s gear ne’er yon wood and with such welcome among the eternal sleep one creed’s a task grown to deem, as each Scot of tears already written with wonder and faded from kiss to kneeling dross that pour’st into shadow of a bird, whom the same pond? Each had hear the bud and this were na for my heat, my pilgrim of Eternity, like pallid lilies, that strove to thee; which lose threshold of light had thy innocent, so fair frailties, having new is in us, their should tender, shall appointer bright green like madness in the singing so high, and the Wild. To pay thee, and loud and gnarled.

[iamlivingatmyownworld]

I still have not yet finished writing my letter for you. Even tho, I hope you know that I love you. I'm still absorbing everything.

I'm sorry it took a while before I finished this. I'm genuinely sorry for letting you feel not secured and manipulated in our relationship. I'm sorry for everything I did and didn't do; I feel guilty and remorseful and you deserve each apology. Most importantly, I apologize it took a while before you received all these sorry.

I am currently overwhelmed but one thing for sure– I would be more brave for myself, for you and for us.

Magiging matapang ako. I'll be brave. Na kahit mapagod ako, magpapatuloy pa rin. Magpapahinga lang at susubok pa rin. I still want to die happily, remembered and satisfied. Kailangan ko munang magawa yun. Kaya patuloy akong mangangarap, maghahanap ng pag-asa at sisikaping gumawa ng mga bagay na maipagmamalaki. Mabubuhay ako. Period.

Nakikita ko pa ring paraan ang pananakit sa sarili ko para makaramdam o paraan ng pagtakas ang pagtigil ng tibok ng puso. Pero ayaw ko na tumakas.

Kaya lubos na pasasalamat sa mga panahong ikaw ang naging matapang para sa ating dalawa. Salamat sa pagpunas ng mga luha ko noong kahit pag-angat ng kamay ko ay 'di ko magawa. Salamat sa palaging pagpapaalala ng pagmamahal mo at pagpili sa akin. Salamat sa pagsama sa aking dalhin ang mga pasanin. Salamat sa pakikinig at pag-intindi sa akin.

Ngayon, hindi mo na kailangan gawin lahat nang ito mag-isa. Hindi mo na kailangan gumawa ng desisyon mag-isa. Hindi mo na kailangan isipin mag-isa kung paano mo ako masasamahan o malalaman yung mga dinadamdam ko. Sasabayan na kita sa bawat pagpapasya. Sasabihin sa'yo ang mga paraan para mahalin ako. Nawa'y maibahagi mo na rin ang 'yong bawat pangamba na walang takot na mabigatan ako. Sabay nating himukin ang lahat; magsalitan sa pagpunas ng luha, akayin ang isa't-isa.

I'll live with passion as I love you passionately. You still make me alive and want to live. However, now, I want to assure you that you don't have to worry so much about me anymore. You don't have to cry anymore with the thoughts of me leaving you because of fatigue: either in life or living.

Mananatili ako kasama mo. Lagi't-lagi kang pipiliin at mamahalin.

Sa ngayon, ito muna ang pangako at paalala sa'yo. Mapanghahawakan mo sila, mahal, makakaasa ka.

If you'll ever be trapped on an island for 15 years, I'll wait for you, too,

LJ

PS.

This is me somehow finishing my letter out of nowhere. Let’s call this an acknowledgement of the lessons from the past and promise for the new chapter. Started it last night but couldn't find the (non-generic) right words. You shouldn't reply. This is my long-over due affirmation. I love you.

[dimlightprincess]

Kaninang umaga narecall ko ung panaginip ko, which is, si G ay nagpapaalam na. Nagthank na sa lahat at umokay lang daw ako. I never realized na may connection ung dream na un sa mangyayari ngayong araw. F*ck. Taena.

Then syempre may GM siya w/o the cs namin, so i did the same greeting with 'have a nice day'. Then same routine nagbabad lang ako sa dc, while waiting for his message syempre. Lagi ko naman talaga inaantay yun. It's part of my day. Then natulog ako ng hapon, pag gising ko ng around 4pm siguro, nakita ko notif 12 msgs from G sa dc. I thought it was him bombarding me msgs kc baka naiinip at di ako agad nakareply sakanya. But to my surprise, it was missed calls and mura msgs from his 'gf' asking me if hindi ko raw ba alam na may gf na ung nilalandi ko. At ang corny daw ng cs namin ni G. Hahahaha. I was shocked of course. At first, i decided not to response nalang. Kaso iniisip ko baka icall out ako sa mga servers at baka lalo lumala so, i made sure na kalmado ako bago ko nireplyan ung gf. Mga 5pm na ako nagreply. Sabi ko hindi ko alam na may gf si G. (tho i have hunches na meron, my intuition says he has, which is tama naman pala talaga. Hahahaha walangya talaga.) sabi ko nga di nga namin alam mukha ng isat isa eh. Ganun, sa next tanong ng babae ako parang binuhusan ng malamig na tubig. Tinanong niya ako, "so nagsesettle ka sa ganon?" f*ck ang sakit pala matanong ng ganun, like oo nga bat ba ako nagsesettle ng ganon? Wala na ba talaga akong pakialam sa worth ko bilang isang tao at bilang isang babaena nagsesettle nalang ako sa ganoong situation na landian online? Nalungkot ako. Good thing maayos naman kausap ung babae. At nagsorry dn siya sa mga nasabi niya. Which is i totally understand. Ang gago lang talaga nung nangyari, at talagang goodbye na dahil ayoko naman ng gulo din. Pero sana magkaroon naman kami ng chance makapag usap ni G. Nagmsg sya ng gabi, nagsorry at nagangsta raw account nya lol. Sabi ko ayoko ng gulo. Ewan ko lang din kung makapag usap kami nun. Pero hopefully, para maayos naman magtapos din. Last na talaga siya sa online. Promise. Hays siguro nga isa ako dun sa mga babae na always liked, but never pursue kasi hindi pwede. They just like the idea of me.

Pero ang weird ng pakiramdam ko, tho malungkot ako, hindi ako ganun nasasaktan. At diko alam kung bakit, pero for sure iiinom ko to. Hahahahaha. For sure mamimiss kita G. Pero talagang hanggang dito nalang. It was nice meeting you, really.