#last chance!! okay spoilers: I understand why ppl were saying they were disappointed in his romance

[speremint]

Finished veilguard and have many thoughts but none of my friends are done yet. I will probably do a second playthrough at some point just to do emmrich’s romance, but man…. Very torn on the game.

[reidgraygubler]

last christmas (spencer reid/reader)

Title:  Last Christmas

Requested: no

Couple: spencer reid/gen-neutral!reader 

Category: mostly fluff, but some angst

Content Warning: cheating, swearing, christmas (tagging bc i know some ppl don’t celebrate and could be a trigger), pregnancy, engagements, verbal arguments, kissing/making out, swearing, post prison/post series (minor spoilers, but idk)

Word Count: 7,864

Summary: last christmas: reader gets proposed to on christmas night. The very next day, they find out their fiance is cheating on them. So they go spend the night with their best friend, Spencer Reid. this year: Reader gets proposed to by someone special.

A/N: being forced to listen to christmas music for 3-6 hours at work can really do something to someone. And that’s either murder or writing a cute one-shot… so I went with the latter… bc that’s so much easier than murder. and, this was hardly edited.... sorry for any grammatical errors... Anyways, happy holidays, thank you all for the love and support! Check out my masterlist! {***}{***}{***}

Last Christmas:

It’s the most wonderful time of the year, as the song would say. The lights on the trees and houses around were beautiful. The downtown was always decked out with bizarre lights and statues, as well as people in full 18th-century garb. Loved ones gathering to celebrate the holidays with their friends and family. 

I didn’t know anyone who loved Christmas more than myself. Everyone who knew me, knew that Christmas was my favorite holiday. I tried my hardest to live my best stereotypical Christmas movie life. I’m pretty sure my boyfriend hated it… So, I guess it’s a good thing that all my friends and co-workers loved it. 

“I don’t exactly understand why we have to go to this party,” Jasper looked down at me with a mild annoyance. I smiled before knocking firm on the door. A quick glance at him told him to be quiet. 

“We went to your work party, so it’s only fair we go to mine,” I looked back at the door. A moment later, the door flew open and there stood David Rossi with his wife, Krystall, beside him. “David, Krystall,” I smiled as I pulled my hand from Jasper to hug the couple. “Merry Christmas,” I hummed happily once we parted. I turned to Jasper and took the bottle of wine to give to them.

“And to you. Please, come in. Reid, Penelope, and Emily are all here.” David graciously took the wine from me and invited us in. I grasped Jasper’s hand once again and pulled him inside. 

“Do you need help with anything?” I looked towards David as I took my jacket off. Krystall took it and brought it to a spare room, where I would assume all the other jackets were kept. 

“We’re almost done. Just get yourself a drink and relax,” he smiled and hugged me one last time. I looked up at Jasper and led him to the living room where Spencer, Penelope, and Emily were. I only knew they were there because I could hear their laughter and lively conversations. 

“C’mon, we don’t have to stay for too long,” I looked up at him with a smile. He nodded before pecking my lips, “I promise,” I smiled as I stared at him. 

“Yeah, okay,” he nodded as he glanced at my friends, “I’m gonna run to the bathroom real quick, I’ll be right back,” he whispered before pressing a kiss to my lips. I smiled and watched as he walked away. Once he was around the corner, I walked over to the living room.

“Hey you,” Emily looked up at me as I sat next to Spencer, “How are you?” she smiled. I looked at Spencer and smiled.

“I’m good. Jasper’s nieces and nephews woke us up at like 5 in the morning… And we were up late wrapping their presents,” I laughed and shook my head, “But it was exciting watching them rip through everything,” I added and nodded.

“Sounds Henry and Michael,” Spencer dryly laughed as he looked over at me. 

“Or was it because they got to see their Uncle Spencer?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer looked away from me and smiled, a small blush rising on his cheeks. “I’d get that excited too if I saw you first thing in the morning,” I smiled. 

“Could you be any cuter, I swear,” Penelope looked between Spencer and I. I looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

“And on that note, I’m going to the bathroom real quick,” Spencer looked at me before standing up.

“Oh, Jasper’s in there right now, so it could be a minute,” I looked up at him as he started to walk away. “Or you could find one of the other many bathrooms Rossi has,” I smiled at him.

“Yeah, yeah,” Spencer waved me off before he walked away. I watched as he walked around the corner, leaving it to be just me, Emily, and Penelope.

“How was your guys’ morning?” I looked back at them with a smile. Emily looked at Penelope before looking at me. The smile she wore made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

“It was good. It was pretty lazy. Just Andrew and I,” Emily nodded before taking a sip of her wine. I nodded and watched her sip. “He said he’d be joining us, but he’ll be a little late,” she added once she put her glass down. 

“Oh good! I’d love to see good ole Mendoza,” I laughed. Emily looked at me and raised an eyebrow. “What? Andrew is a great guy,” I shrugged.

“Well, I had a great Christmas! I got to see my Chocolate Thunder and his spawn and Queen,” Penelope cut in before either of us could further a comment. 

“How is Morgan? I wish I got to see him more,” I frowned as I looked over at Penelope. Jasper stepped back in, and Spencer was right in tow. Spencer returned to his seat beside me and Jasper on the other side. There was a certain tension in the room now that those two stepped in.  I knew those two always butted heads, but they tried to get along for me. But at the same time, I hated when they were around each other. There was always something for them to fight about. And, most of the time it was nothing.

“Uh, well,” Penelope started after a moment of very awkward silence. I looked at her and swallowed the lump in my throat. “Derek’s great! Hank’s great! I swear I could just eat him up,” her voice was high pitched as she lifted her hands like she was pinching an imaginary person’s cheeks.

“Derek or Hank?” Emily looked at Penelope with a raised eyebrow. I wanted to listen into the conversation. But it was so hard when I had two bags of testosterone sitting beside me. 

“Are you okay,” I looked over at Jasper and whispered. He tensed as I grasped his hand. He looked at me and smiled lightly. 

“Yeah, yeah, work called,” he nodded and looked down at me. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I furrowed my eyebrows before pouting. I could hear Spencer’s scowl from behind me. I wanted to turn back and tell him off, but I refrained.

“But it’s Christmas,” I whispered. 

“Don’t worry. It was an easy fix, over the phone,” he smiled before pecking my lips.

After several minutes of banter with everyone, Jennifer and Will, Matt and Kristy, and Luke arrived, all with various bags or boxes. I instantly got up to help someone or everyone, or anyone who wanted my help (and that happened to be Luke). 

“Merry Christmas,” Jennifer smiled as she embraced me. I squeezed her tight before muttering the words back to her. She looked at me and raised an eyebrow, a little bit of concern in her eyes. “Did you have a good day,”

“Of course I did,” I smiled as I looked at her. I sighed deeply before looking over my shoulder at Spencer and Jasper. They were talking to each other and I honestly couldn’t tell if the conversation was a good conversation or not. I was just worried that Jasper and I would be leaving early and having an argument on the way home. 

“Your boys fighting?” Jennifer asked as she followed my gaze to the two men. 

“Honestly, with those two? I never know. I just wish for Christmas they wouldn’t fight,” I rolled my eyes. Jennifer laughed lightly as she looked back at me. 

“I’m sure they’ll get along, someday,” she reassured. I looked back at her, dropping my shoulders. “And, for now, don’t worry about it,” she hummed once she saw my disappointment.

“Anyways, Penelope saw Chocolate Thunder for Christmas,” I looked over at Penelope and smiled. She looked back at me with a childlike excitement once I talked about her forbidden love. 

“Oh? Really? I would love to hear more about that trip,” Jennifer looked over at the people sitting in the living room. I smiled as I watched Penelope recount her trip to the others. 

“Wine,” David appeared beside me with a glass of wine. I smiled before graciously taking it from him.

{***}{***}{***}

I was happy to see that Jasper seemed to join in on the conversations with everyone, instead of sitting and wallowing in whatever emotion he was in. But I knew something was going on, because I could feel a certain annoyance or nervousness coming from him. Being on a team with a bunch of FBI profilers really helps to tell when something is wrong. 

I smiled at Spencer and Jennifer before silently excusing myself to sit beside Jasper. Even though I couldn’t see him, I could feel Spencer’s eyes watching me. No matter what the situation was, he was always protective of me. He was my best friend, so I shouldn’t be too worried. He was more protective over me when it came to Jasper, too. He hated Jasper.

“Is everything okay,” I asked as I sat beside him on the couch. He turned to face me more and grasped both my hands. A certain worry was in his eye, which made me worry. “Is everything okay,” I looked at him, trying to push away all my anxieties. 

“I just wasn’t sure if I would get the chance to ask you a question,” his voice was low. I furrowed my eyebrows as he pulled his hands from mine. I watched as he stood up in front of me. He cleared his throat, getting the attention of everyone else in the room. The room went silent as everyone turned to look at Jasper and I (but mostly Jasper). “Can I have everyone’s attention for just a moment,” he spoked, shoving his hands in his pockets. 

Once he was certain he had the floor and everyone’s attention, more specifically mine, he looked back at me. He had a certain gleam in his eye that made me feel happy, and the exact opposite of nervous and worried. 

“You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. There is no one I would rather spend my entire life with than you,” his words were smooth like butter and he was as relaxed as ever. He slowly lowered to the ground, kneeling on one knee. I brought my hands to my lips as I gasped. The girls around me were instantly squealing from excitement and the guys were stunned into silence. Spencer just glared from his seat across the room. “Will you marry me?” Jasper asked as he pulled his hand from his pocket. A black velvet box was in his hands, and inside was a diamond ring. I widened my eyes and felt the breath escape my lungs. 

The room fell silent with his proposal. Everyone’s eyes fell on us, and I could feel the cold and mildly judgemental stare from Spencer. Of course, I wanted to say yes. I loved Jasper. And, no one could make me feel otherwise. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, you fool,” I smiled at him as slid to the edge of the couch. A series of applause came from everyone as Jasper slid the ring on my finger. I rested my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. 

“Well, I think it’s time to pop open a bottle of champagne,” David spoke in a cheery tone before standing. I looked up at him with a smile and watched as he walked towards the kitchen. I looked back at Jasper before kissing him once again. 

“I’m going to see if he needs any help,” Spencer spoke cooly before leaving. I looked at him, watching as he left. I looked over at Jennifer with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her to go see what’s wrong. She nodded before chasing after Spencer. 

{***}{***}{***}

“Again, congratulations,” Krystall smiled as she hugged me. I returned the hug. As I pulled away, she grasped my hand. “Merry Christmas,” she looked up at me. I smiled before turning to David.

“Thank you guys so much. I’ll see you on Monday,” I looked at the couple again before turning to leave. Jasper had already gone out to the care to start it, seeing as it was very cold out. 

“I’ll walk you out,” Spencer spoke up from behind David and Krystall. I looked past the couple at Spencer. He was already wearing his jacket and scarf. He wanted to leave the second Jasper proposed. 

“Yeah, of course,” I smiled and nodded. Spencer gave his pardons to David and Krystall before we finally stepped outside. 

“Did you have a good Christmas, Spence,” I looked up at him as we walked down the sidewalk. He kept his eyes low on the ground as we walked, and the silence he gave me was nearly deafening. I glanced at him, half worried because he’s never ever this quiet. Even when a sour police officer was getting annoyed or fed up with him, he wouldn’t even shut up. 

“Yeah, yeah, spent it with my mom and JJ’s family,” he nodded as he kept his eyes low. I smiled and nodded. “What about you,” he finally looked over at me.

“Yeah, yep… Spent it with Jasper and his family and friends,” I nodded as I shoved my hands into my pocket. 

“Not yours?” Spencer stopped walking. He grabbed my wrist, causing me to stop. I turned around and looked up at him. “I mean, it’s not very fair that he forced you to spend the holidays with his friends and family, and he looked like he wanted to jump off a bridge the whole time you were here… And you weren’t even here that long,”

“Spencer!” I looked up at him as I exclaimed. I stared at him with wide eyes. “What the hell is going on with you?” I dropped my shoulders as I looked at him.

“I’m just speaking the truth,” Spencer shrugged before he put his hands in his pockets. I shook my head and let out a laugh of disbelief.

“I gotta go,” I shook my head before turning to leave. I could hear Spencer muttering something to himself as I turned, and I just knew he had more to say.

“He doesn’t even love you!” Spencer shouted as I walked towards the car. I froze, staring at the window and Jasper sitting inside. I’m sure he could hear my argument with my best friend.  My heart was in my throat and I could feel myself starting to get sick. My head started to get a little woozy. “I’ve seen the way he’s looked at you and talked to you! And, he doesn’t…”

“Spencer,” I turned around to look at him, feeling the irritation growing in my head and my heart. He was looking at me, face filled with fury. The expression on his face told me he was telling the truth, but also Spencer would never lie to me. 

His eyes grew watery as he stared at me, and I knew the next thing he would say would probably break my heart. He was already telling the truth, a truth that I didn’t want to believe. 

“Please don’t marry him,” his voice lowered as he spoke. And I swear I heard it crack. I swallowed roughly as I looked at him. “He was constantly talking to someone tonight, texting someone. I heard him on the phone with someone when I left the bathroom, and I know it wasn’t work,”

“Stop,” I looked at him, trying to get him to stop talking before he said anything more that would embarrass the both of us. “Goodnight, Spencer. I’ll see you Monday,” I nodded at him before slipping into the car.

“Ready?” Jasper asked, looking over at me as he grasped my hand. I looked over at him with a smile before nodding.

“Yeah,” I whispered before looking back out the window at Spencer. He was still standing on the sidewalk, staring at me. He wore a very hurt expression on his face, and I swear a tear was rolling down his cheek. And before anything could happen, Jasper started the car and pulled away from David’s house and my best friend.

{***}{***}{***}

“Have a nice day,” I looked up at Jasper as he slipped from the bed. He pressed his lips to my forehead, wishing me a good day, before leaving to get ready for the day. I was only asleep for a few minutes before my alarm went off, forcing me to get out of bed and get on with my day. And, although I still had a few more days left of no work, I still had my plate full of errands and chores. 

Once my day finally started, I made way towards the dry cleaners. I had to pick up a couple of my blouses and a few slacks. Work had wrinkled and nearly ruined a few of my clothes, and the only place that could fix them was the dry cleaners. After the dry cleaners, I had to get a few groceries, seeing as all we had was some leftovers from Jasper’s parents’ place.

My phone started ringing, almost shocking me because I wasn’t expecting anyone to call me today. But I was more relieved when I saw that it was Jennifer calling. 

“Hey, have you talked to Spence?” Jennifer asked as I pressed my phone between my head and shoulder. I furrowed my eyebrows as I readjusted the grip on the bags in hand. 

“No, not since last night. We kind of had an argument before I left,” I muttered as I grabbed my phone. The memories of the argument with Spencer came back, and I tried my hardest not to recount them. I looked up at the sidewalk and people ahead of me and saw Jasper. He wasn’t alone though. Another woman was in his arms.

“Are you even listening to me?” Jennifer spoke, her tone mildly annoyed that I wasn’t answering any of her questions or acknowledging anything she was saying. 

“I’m… I gotta go. I’m sorry,” I muttered before hanging up and shoving my phone in my pocket. I looked at Jasper and the woman and watched as he deeply kissed her. 

I took a deep shaky breath before rushing back to my car. I didn’t even care about my fresh dry cleaning as I shoved it into the back. Tears were slowly rolling down my cheeks, and I wasn’t sure if there was a way I could stop them.

Not wanting to go home, the place that I would be reminded of him, I drove around, trying to figure where to go. Until I found myself standing outside Spencer’s apartment. I wasn’t exactly sure if I had knocked until the door swung open and Spencer was standing in front of me.

“Wh-what are you-Wait, is everything okay?” he asked, reaching a hand out to grasp my arm. I swallowed roughly and allowed him to hold my arm, and then my hand.

"I'm sorry… I didn't know where else to go. I didn’t want to go home because he’s there. And I just didn’t want to be around him,” I looked at Spencer with moisture in my eyes. He looked back at me with confusion settling on his face as he stared. 

“What… What happened? What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped out of his apartment and rested his hands on my shoulders. I looked up at him before allowing myself to fully break down. Spencer widened his eyes before pulling me into a hug. I pressed my face into his chest and sobbed.

“He cheated on me!” I exclaimed after a moment of crying. Spencer backed away from me to get a better look at me. “I was out doing errands… And I saw him…” I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes. Spencer looked at me as he slowly realized what I had said. I could tell he didn’t really know what to do, so he just hugged me again before pulling me inside. 

“Sit, I’ll get you… I’ll get you tea. You like tea.” Spencer looked at me as he sat me on the couch. I looked up at him before wiping my cheeks. “Yeah, I’ll make you tea,” he nodded before leaving me alone in the living room. I looked towards the direction of his kitchen, listening to the clatter he was making. I could hear him talking to himself, saying stuff about Jasper, and me, and work, and the party last night, and our argument last night. I definitely shouldn’t be hearing him saying these things. It was an obvious thing that should be said to me another time. 

“Can I stay here for the night?” I looked up at Spencer as he reentered the living room with a mug of hot water and teabag. He looked at me as he sat beside me. I graciously took the mug from him and put the teabag in it. 

“Of course. You didn’t even have to ask,” Spencer looked at me as he grabbed a throw blanket. I sighed deeply as he placed it over my shoulders. “You can stay for as long as you need,” he looked at me as he furrowed his eyebrows. 

“Thanks, Spence,” I looked down at the tea and shrugged, “I don’t know what I’m going to do. All my stuff is over there.” I wiped my eyes again. Tears just wouldn’t stop rolling down my cheeks, I was starting to feel a little ridiculous. 

“Luke, Matt, and I will go over and bring it here. And you can stay for as long as you want," he insisted. I swallowed roughly before wiping my eyes. I looked up at him, trying to smile but it was rather unconvincing for the both of us. “You know that my place is your place,” he added and returned a genuine smile. His smile made me feel a little bit better and turned my unconvincing smile into something more convincing.

“Thank you, Spencer,” I whispered as I looked down at the cup of tea. The steam coming off it was rather soothing. “I don’t know how I didn’t see it! God. I’m so stupid! I’m sorry I didn’t believe you,” I looked at him, my statement sounding stupid. 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” he whispered a hand and wiped my cheeks. I could sense that he wanted to say more, because he always as more to say, especially when it’s about proving someone wrong. So, when he stopped at ‘It’s okay’ I was a little confused. “You didn’t want to believe something that should be false. I understand that,” he folded his hands in his lap. 

“I just don’t know what I’m going to do,” I looked down at the engagement ring on my finger. I wrinkled my nose before taking it off and chucking it at the coffee table. The ring dinged as it bounced on the hard surface. I muttered a few profanities as I stared at the ring. Spencer looked at me with a raised brow. “I guess that means you’re getting what you wanted… I’m not going to marry him,” I dryly laughed as I looked up at him. 

“I didn’t want it like that,” Spencer whispered as he looked back at me. I looked up at him and frowned. “I was being selfish,” he whispered, mostly to himself. I raised an eyebrow before looking down at the ring. 

“You’re allowed to be selfish, Spencer,” I mumbled before looking back at him.

“You’re right. But I want to be selfish for the right reasons,” he looked back at me. I swallowed roughly and shook my head. “He doesn't deserve you. And you don't deserve to have your heart broken by some guy,” Spencer muttered. I raised an eyebrow. “We don’t have to talk about it now, though, when you’re ready,” he assured. 

I didn’t really want to press why he wanted to wait till I was ready. I was honestly always ready to talk to him, no matter what it was. So, I guess we’ll have to wait till he was good and ready.  Even if that meant a very long time.

{***}{***}{***}

New Year’s Eve:

New Year’s Eve was especially difficult. Usually, I love it, just like Christmas. But this time… This time was different. I supposed being cheated on during such a big holiday can do that to you. My spirit for any exciting holiday was simply diminished and gone now. 

So, that’s why I was sitting at the kitchen counter in Rossi’s house with my third glass of wine. I was really trying not to wallow in self-pity. But it was so easy when my excitement for the new year was just… gone. The others seemed okay with my sadness. Although, Spencer was the most concerned than anyone else. Everyone was off in the living room, laughing in their conversations. I just wanted to be alone for a moment.

“Hey,” Spencer looked at me as he sat beside me at the counter. I looked up from my drink and at him. A lazy and drunk smile grew on my lips as I looked at him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m doing great, Spence,” I looked at him as I stood up. He raised an eyebrow as I stumbled a bit. He grasped my arm to steady me a bit. “I’m gonna go outside. I need some fresh air. You stay here,” I patted his chest before leaving.

Spencer allowed me to go outside alone, I was half expecting him to follow me. So, I was happy when I took a seat outside. The air was a little bit chilly and nippy, which was mildly sobering. I kinda wished I had another drink with me.

I heard the back door open and then slam shut, causing me to turn around and look. Spencer was walking towards me with a blanket over his arm. It was only a few minutes since I came out here, he can’t have missed me that much.

“Here, it’s cold,” he offered me the blanket as he sat on the other outdoor chair. I took it and wrapped it around my shoulders like a cape. We sat in an uncomfortable, unnerving silence. I just wished he would say something so we wouldn’t be in the quiet.

“I just needed a few minutes alone. Everyone inside is just a little bit too loud for me,” I shrugged as I looked at the space between us. Spencer’s hum was unconvincing, but I’m sure my excuse was just as unconvincing too. “They’re too happy and I’m, well, not,” I looked up at him.

“I understand,” Spencer nodded, like he knew how I felt. I stared at him, only a little bit annoyed that he said that he understood. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Spencer, I’ve been living with you for the last week, you already know how I feel,” I looked up at him. The previous few nights I was up most of the night sobbing, mostly because I was heartbroken. It was bad and a little embarrassing because Spencer was the one who took care of me. “Thank you, for that… I do appreciate it,”

“You’re my best friend,” he whispered as he looked at me. A friendly smile grew on his lips as our eyes locked. “I care about you. And, I’d do anything to keep you safe,”

I didn’t really have anything to say, because I knew he meant it. He knew I felt the same way about him. There was a reason why I went to his home instead of Jennifer’s, or Emily’s… And, that reason was because he cared about me and he was my best friend. 

I scooched the chair closer to him and threw the blanket over his other shoulder. He looked over at me with a smile and his hair flopped in front of his eyes. I smiled as I brushed the hair away from his face. 

We fell back into our comfortable silence. My head was rested on his shoulder as his fingers slowly entwined with mine. I don’t think I was supposed to notice him holding my hand, but I did. 

“Can I ask something from you, Spence,” I asked, lifting my head from his shoulder. He looked at me with furrowed eyebrows, like he wasn’t sure if my question was a trick or not.

“Of course,” he nodded and looked at me. I turned to face him more, looking up at his face.

“Kiss me,” I whispered softly. My eyes flicked between his eyes and lips, and it was taking everything within me to not just kiss him. I could easily blame the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed earlier in the evening. Or I could blame the true and exact feelings I had towards Spencer. If I could, I’d wrap them up in a box with a bow and give it to him with a note tag that simply said ‘I love you’, but I wouldn’t. I won’t tell him the real reason why I want him to kiss me. It’s only been a week since my doomed relationship ended. I couldn’t tell him, yet. So I told him a lie. “I’m drunk and heartbroken, Spencer, please just kiss me,” I whispered as I lifted my hand to his tie. 

“I, uh, I... “ Spencer mumbled as he glanced towards the house. I knew no one was watching what I was doing out here, and I knew they wouldn’t care about what Spencer was doing. They were all too busy playing various drinking games and too involved with themselves to care. “Is that a good idea? I’m not so sure that’s a good idea,” he muttered as he moved closer to me. And it wasn’t because I was tugging his tie.

“I think it is… I think it’s the greatest idea ever… Why else would I be asking?” I looked up at his eyes before smiling. I dropped my hand from his tie and noted that he wasn’t moving away from me. “Tell me, Spence, would I be a fool if you kissed me?” I looked into his eyes. My reflection was noticeable in his irises and it made me smile knowing I was that close to him.  

“You’d never be a fool,” Spencer whispered, his breath tickling the space above my lips. I smiled and nodded.

“I don’t know about you, but I was pretty foolish last week,” I dryly laughed. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows before shaking his head. “Please, kiss me,” I quietly begged. 

He placed his hands on my cheeks before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed happily as we kissed. I could barely keep myself up and myself breathing as he gently worked his lips against mine. My heart was beating in my chest, but at the same time, it was fluttering. He was so gentle and soft, like if he went any harder he’d break me. But, I’m already broken. The butterflies I was feeling in my stomach grew and caused a heat to work its way up my cheeks. But it wasn’t just a kiss. It never is just a kiss with people. And, Spencer is more than just a person. A kiss with Jasper just felt like eh, it left me feeling nothing. But a kiss with Spencer left me wanting more. I wanted more of my life with him. It was in the few mere moments we were kissing that I realized I really did love him. 

Spencer was the first to move away from me, but only a few inches. Our noses were still touching and our foreheads were still pressed together. I licked my lips and smiled softly.

“That was…” I opened my eyes and looked at him. The smile on my lips grew wider as I looked at him. His eyes scanned my face, looking for any sort of worry or fear I might have had. But I had none. “Amazing,” I whispered as I dropped my shoulders. Spencer visibly relaxed as I finished talking.

“Good,” he laughed softly as he looked back at me. 

“Best kiss I’ve ever had,” I whispered with a smile. Spencer returned the smiles he looked at me. “I know you’d fool me if you kissed me again,” I murmured against his lips. Spencer smiled before pressing his lips back to mine. I hummed as I wrapped my arms around his neck to hold him as close as possible. I didn’t want to move from my spot, and I knew Spencer didn’t want to move either. “I’d be okay if you did it again,”

“I love you,” Spencer muttered into my mouth, causing me to freeze in my spot. I kept my eyes closed because I wasn’t sure if I wanted to look at him. “Oh fuck, I shouldn’t have opened my mouth,” he groaned before tilting his head back away from me. I quickly opened my eyes and looked for his face. “Now I’m the fool,” he murmured against my lips. He was clearly embarrassed because I didn’t say anything back. I was mostly shocked because I wasn’t expecting it.

“Don’t say that,” I whispered, bringing my hands to rest gently on his cheeks. He looked at me with furrowed brows, like I was the one who was wrong about our words. “I love you too,” I smiled softly at him. Spencer looked at me, like I was suddenly a light in the darkness. And, I really liked the way it felt when he looked at me like that. “Like, I wished I realized it sooner… And, before I met, you know,” I muttered as I talked about the man who broke my heart a week ago. A look flashed in Spencer’s eyes at the mention of his, I suppose, enemy. I knew he wanted to kill the man. “I’m happy I did realize it though,” I smiled as I looked at him.

“I am too,” he finally said something after a moment of silence. The smile on his lips and in his eyes, and all the previous anger and hatred melted away. “I wish I could have told you sooner,” 

“You told me at a perfect time, Spencer,” I whispered before kissing him again. I nearly fell back in a fit of laughter as he tried deepening the kiss, but I was happy he kept me steady. 

“Don’t worry, I got you now,” he whispered as he held me close.

{***}{***}{***}

This Christmas:

You would have thought that I was going to hate Christmas this year. I mean, considering what happened last year? He basically ruined my week and the whole holiday for me. But it got better, thanks to Spencer. 

I looked up at Spencer as I wrapped my arms around his and rested my head on his shoulder. He looked back down at me with a smile before knocking on the door. 

“I hope everyone had a good Christmas,” I whispered as I looked at the wreath on David’s door. Krystall must be happy about her decor this year.

“Well, this is the first year neither of us really spent it with anyone else from the team,” Spencer replied as he brought his other hand to rest on my arm. I smiled before nuzzling my head more into his shoulder. “Well, This would be the first year I didn’t spend with JJ and Will,” he spoke again, changing his answer.

“Next year,” I smiled softly as I looked up at him, “Who knows, maybe next year we’ll have our own family,” I smiled smugly. Spencer laughed and shook his head, but the happy gleam in his eyes told me otherwise. Of course he wouldn’t actually verbalize that he wants kids, it’s just been known for years that he wanted them. 

“Maybe,” he looked down at me and winked. I rolled my eyes and shook my head lightly. My words were cut off by the front door swinging open. Krystall was standing by the door with a wide smile on her lips. She looked pretty happy to see Spencer and I.

“Merry Christmas, you two,” she smiled as she stepped to the side to allow us in, “Did you have a good morning?” she looked at us as we walked in.

“Wonderful,” I smiled as I looked up at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile as he unbuttoned his jacket. Of course, we wouldn’t exactly talk about what we did this morning, I’ll just say it was a little NSFW to share with people you work with. And, somethings gotta stay between Spencer and I. 

“Is anyone else here?” I looked back at Krystall as I slipped my own jacket off. I don’t really know why I asked if anyone else was here… Spencer and I were the last ones to show up...

“You’re the last ones to arrive,” she smiled at us, “Jennifer and Will brought their boys,” she spoke as childish laughter filled the moment of silence after her words. 

“Oh! We were just talking about we didn’t see them this morning,” I looked up at Spencer as I moved closer to him. He carefully wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me closer to him. “I can’t wait to see them,” I smiled as I looked at Spencer. He returned the look with a loving look in his eye. 

“Well, I know you two know your way around the house, everyone is in the living room. If you need anything just let us know,” Krystall smiled at us before leaving to put our coats somewhere. Once she was out of our sight, I looked back up at Spencer.

“We should probably go see everyone,” I smiled as I looked towards the kitchen. Spencer gently placed a hand on my cheek, guiding my face to face his. “What,” I whispered as I looked up at him. 

“I love you,” he returned the whisper before pressing his lips to mine. I hummed as I melted into his kiss. His hand was firmly placed on my waist and he carefully pulled me closer to his body. 

“God, not in Rossi’s house,” a groan came from behind us. I pulled away from Spencer and looked over my shoulder. Emily was standing in the doorway, looking at us as she lifted her glass to her lips. 

“What, he was just hugging me,” I smiled at her. Spencer’s hands were still firmly on my me. And, it was very clear that he was not just hugging me. Judging by the expression on Emily’s face, she definitely saw more than she bargained for. 

“Sure you were,” she smiled at us, “Spence, David needs you in the kitchen,” she looked at Spencer before pushing herself off the wall and leaving. I pouted and looked up at him. 

“It’ll be just a minute. Save me a seat,” he whispered before quickly pecking my lips and swiftly leaving me in the foyar. More laughter came from the living room, causing me to smile. I instantly knew I wanted to join in the laughter and fun with the others, more specifically the two young boys.

When I stepped into the living room, everyone greeted me with a lot of excitement. It felt like they hadn’t seen me in months, but we just saw each other two days ago. 

“Hey, Merry Christmas,” I smiled as I looked at everyone. Michael and Henry ran up to me and wrapped their arms around my legs, “Hey you two,” I ruffled my hand in their hair. 

“Boys,” Jennifer called from her spot on the couch. I looked up at her and smiled as her two boys let go of me. I smiled before taking a seat at the armchair. “Where’s Spence? Did he come?” Jennifer asked as she watched me sit. Everyone had this weird sort of energy, like they knew something that I didn’t exactly know. I always hated when they did that. They knew that too. Granted, I’m not typically a person who likes surprises or secrets. 

“Yeah, he’s helping Dave with something in the kitchen,” I smiled as I looked at her. Michael ran up to me, holding a toy truck he got this morning. “Whoa! That’s such a cool truck, Michael! What else did you get?” I leaned and braced myself on my knees. He was very quiet as he told me what he got, but he was very enthusiastic about everything. When he finished telling me everything he got, he cautiously climbed onto the chair and sat beside me. 

“You were supposed to save me a seat,” a voice came from behind me. I looked behind me and saw Spencer, looking down at me with a wide smile. “I’ll just have to sit over here,” he faked a pout before going to sit on the other armchair.

“What can I say, the fellas love me,” I smiled as I watched him sit. As much as I loved sitting with Jennifer’s boys, I really wanted to sit with Spencer. Even from across the living room, he knew that too. 

As the night went on, food was eaten, drinks were drunk, presents were exchanged. I still had a 4 year old little boy attached at my hip, and there was no getting rid of him. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him… But, there were things that I wanted to do. Like sit with Spencer, and talk about things other than toys and little kid things… 

“Can we talk real quick?” Spencer asked as he squatted beside me and Michael. I looked at him and nodded, feeling my face falter slightly. I looked down at the boy on my knee, silently telling Spencer that my shadow probably won’t leave me alone. Spencer looked over his shoulder at Jennifer, silently telling her something. 

“Hey, Michael, c’mere,” Jennifer spoke to her child. Michael looked up at me before hugging me and leaving me alone. I looked back up at Spencer before standing up. 

“Privately?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. Spencer swallowed roughly and nodded before grasping my hand and bringing me outside. The door clicked shut behind us as we walked towards the sitting area. I was instantly hugging myself to keep myself somewhat warm, because it was cold and I wasn’t wearing my coat.

“I’ll be quick, I’m sorry,” he cringed, grasping both my hands to hold them. I furrowed my eyebrows as I warily looked at him. The anxiety that I was feeling was through the roof, and I knew he noticed it too. 

“Is everything okay,” I whispered as I looked at him. I was worried something was wrong. Why else would he want to talk to me alone? But, something couldn’t have been wrong, because he was smiling and laughing and looked happy.

“I just wanted to talk to you for a second... And without Michael by your side,” Spencer laughed as he looked back at me. I smiled as I looked up at him. “And I wanted to have a moment with you, alone,” he looked over my shoulder at the house. Something flashed in his eyes as he pulled one hand from me and put it in his pocket. “In fact… I wanted eternity with you,” he whispered as he looked at me. I dropped my shoulders as I slowly realized what he meant. “I know Christmas is your favorite, and last Christmas was ruined… But I wanted to make it mean something to you again…”

“Spen-”

“Will you marry me,” he whispered, pulling out a small grey box and opening it up. The ring was a plain silver band with a diamond embedded in the center. I looked at him and smiled. “I know it’s barely been a year… But,”

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you,” we both said it in unison. He looked up at me and smiled, his eyes a little bit moist. Mine were also welling up a little bit. 

“Of course I’ll marry you, Spencer,” I whispered looking at him with a smile. He returned the smile before sliding the ring on my finger. I placed my hands on his cheeks before pulling him into a kiss. Cheering and applause came from inside, causing me to laugh against his lips. I looked up at him and smiled. “I love you,” I whispered softly.

“I love you too,” Spencer smiled before kissing me again.

{***}{***}{***}

The following morning Spencer and I were downtown. We didn’t have much to do, so we explored downtown while the holiday decorations were still up. Spencer was actually taking me to an after Christmas movie thing at a black and white theater. Our quiet laughter and conversation made me feel happy. Our conversations were mostly filled with the excitement of our new engagement and future wedding.

That was until I was stopped abruptly as we walked into a familiar man and woman. I stared at him, feeling a certain sickness rise in my stomach. Spencer’s arm went back around me in a protective manner. My body went frigid as I stared at the man and the woman, so I was thankful for Spencer’s embrace.

“Jasper,” I spoke, almost breathlessly. I swallowed roughly as I stared at them. Jasper was quiet for a long time. I knew for a fact he was pretending to not know who I was. But he 100% knew who I was, and who Spencer was.

 "I almost didn't recognize you," he laughed as he looked at me. I started back and held back the scoff. "You look so different,"

“Well, it’s been a year, so it doesn’t surprise me,” I looked at him and then at his wife. His pregnant wife. I only knew they were married now because of the ring she was nonchalantly showing off to Spencer and I. I wouldn’t be surprised if she thought I was wallowing in pity for a full year. They’re probably both surprised by seeing me with Spencer, Jasper more than her. I bounced back from our spilt faster than he probably thought.

I ignored them and looked up at Spencer, who was staring at Jasper with such laser precision I swear he’d kill him. But, to be fair, Jasper was staring at Spencer with the same amount of hatred. I knew his wife was clearly uncomfortable with everything that was happening. I was uncomfortable. 

“Well, it was nice seeing you again,” Jasper looked at me with a smile that was faker than a Kardashian’s ass.

“We best be going now. Spencer and I have an appointment we can’t miss,” I spoke as he opened his mouth. It was obvious he wanted to have the first out, but we just spoke over each other. I looked up at Spencer before grasping his hand and pulling him past the couple. Not another word was spoken between us, and not another word will ever be spoken between us. But, that’s okay. I have all I could ever need or want.

I looked up at Spencer before looking back down at the ring on my finger. The ring that he placed there. This is a lot better than last Christmas, and I can’t wait for the rest of my Christmases to be with Spencer.

spencer taglist: @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto​

[idontevenwatchbl]

Rambling about The Stranded

Alright, after sleeping in way too long and getting myself a cup of coffee, maybe I’ll finally manage to wirte something coherent about The Stranded?

Spoilers for the whole series below, of course.

-I liked it? Probably wouldn’t have watched it in one sitting if I didn’t, but still. It was good.

-So I heavily recommend it. Although if you’re reading this you probably have watched it already so who am I even talking to lmao.

-Kinda hoped it would have been scarier though. There were some creepy moments but none that were truly scary. Which was a slight disappointment, but they probably weren’t even going for straight up horror.

-That said though, I got a slight feeling that the series tried to do way too many things at once and lost it’s focus at times. They kinda kept switching the tone.

-Wich offered nice diversity and kept things fresh, BUT

-It kinda made the different aspects of the show feel a bit separate from each other. There was the horror-y stuff with supernatural aspects, then the relationship dramas, and then there was also the whole thing of the kids building a mini society on the island (or maybe more like how they kinda failed at that and everything just crumbled down).

-and also resulted in weird continuity issues like everyone just forgetting Arisa in the jungle for TWO WEEKS. I mean most of them probably didn’t care, but what about Ying? To be fair, Arisa did kinda ditch her, but still. She seemed to just forget she even existed and wow.

-They all got over Joey’s death a bit too quickly too, imo. Even though you’d think it’s a big shock for all of them. I mean sure, they just survived a tsunami and don’t even know if their FAMILIES are alive, but Joey was still the first one among them to die, so it would have been nice if it had a bit more impact.

-Some of the more lighthearted aspects also felt out of place at times. Didn’t bother me too much, but it’ll probably be jarring to some people.

-Also it was slightly amusing how even in the desperate situation they were in, ppl still had time for relationship drama. But they are teenagers and all the stress is probably messing up their hormones real bad, so I guess it’s kinda understandable.

-Anyway, my main concern would be that they they don’t manage to tie together these different sides of the shows in a meaningful way in the upcoming season(s).

-When Arisa first appeared on screen, like 2 minutes into the show, my first thought was literally; wow, I bet she likes girls? AND I MEAN-

-Speaking of which, the whole Arisa/Ying thing got me so confused. It was clear as day Arisa was attracted to her, but then she got all like ‘lol nope’. To be fair, it was most likely just the case of her not being ready to admit her feelings. But still, it frustrated me.

-ALSO then there was Arisa having a few moments with Nat towards the end of the series and Ying being patching things up with Ice.

-This is probably just me being way too into my ‘Arisa must be a lesbian’ -headcanon, but I have a mini theory that she was actually in love with Mint.

-Istg if Arisa and Ying DON’T get together in the hypothetical s2, I’m gonna be upset.

-Moving on from that, I also accidentally predicted May getting pregnant lmao.

-Can’t really remember it clearly, but there was some scene scene in ep1 when I thought ‘hm, is she pregnant?’ (I think they focused the camera on her stomach or something). Sure she wasn’t at the moment, but still. Lol.

-I also kept wondering in any of them even used condoms. Did the island even have condoms? I mean probably yes, but I’d be surprised if Ice and Ying hadn’t already used them all.

-I guess it really was just a matter of time before someone got pregnant.

-My favorite characters ended up being Arisa, Ying and Nahm. Especially loved Arisa, which is absolutely no surprise at all.

-ALSO, I just have to say this, Ying is really beautiful?? I’d be crushing on her too.

-Really hated Anan, but he was such an interesting character! Really complex, and I want to know more about him (and why he hates Kraam so much).

-Anan losing his shit over May cheating on him cracked me up bc I associate March too heavily with Phu and if you’ve watched Hormones, YOU KNOW WHAT HE DID. You reap what you sow, honey.

-I have surprisingly little to say about Krit and Jack, even though I liked them?

-They mainly just shattered my heart. Like I legit wanted to cry when Jack died, how’s that even prossible? We didn’t even know him for THAT long.

-Also, I probably shouldn’t have watched LBC so close to this. At first I just kept seeing Perth and Mark as Ae and Kengkla and LET ME TELL YOU, it kinda cracked me up even among all the angst. It did go away pretty soon tho.

-I know I’ve wished a slow, painful death for Kengkla (no offense at all, i’m just... NOT fond of the character), BUT THIS IS UNRELATED. Jack did nothing wrong.

-Both Perth and Mark did such a great job and I’M PROUD OF THEM.

-Btw, the casting for Jack and Jan was perfect. The girl who played Jan really resembled Mark. They aren’t actually related, are they?

-Btw, wouldn’t it have been better to amputate Jack’s leg to stop the infection from spreading? Sure that would have had it’s own risks, but since his situation was already pretty desperate, they should have just taken the chance.

-In the same vein, couldn’t they have used the generator to power up their phones? Kraam could have listened to the voice message his dad left, and WE WOULD HAVE ANSWERS.

-Okay, most likely not their top priority, but still.

-Gun confessing his love to sleeping Nat was so soft and I loved it.

-They most likely won’t end up together, but I want it so bad.

-I’m still not sure what to think about ‘’the teacher’’, or whoever she ends up being. Is she evil or not? Getting mixed signals here. Or maybe she’s more like a neutral being, not truly evil or good.

-Nahm said she’s not and she seems to be the most trustworthy of them all, but then again she DID have that weird dream. Is she under her influence?

-Took me a while to realize, but almost all of the people they showed at the end of the last episode, also acted in Hormones? No wonder they looked familiar.

-I kinda predicted we wouldn’t get any real answers in this season, but I’m still a bit frustrated. I WANNA KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON.

I most likely forgot to include something, and my ramblings most likely make 0 sense, but if I want to add something I’ll just make a follow-up post.

I really hope the series does well enough for us to get a second season, because this series definitely NEEDS ONE.

[lightrivals]

so . endgame . this is gonna be a spoiler filled review so pls skip this if u haven’t watched it!! forewarning: this is a relatively positive review and I’m a tony stan so if you disliked the movie / tony stark and want to find more ppl like you, you are not gonna find it here but I am gonna critique a few things too bc there were issues to be addressed. also, while this is a Hot Také™️ opinion piece that doesn’t mean I lack the ability to understand or even agree with the opposing opinions; this is just what I came out the theater with and still think about after discussion with others.

Anyway let’s begin!

Personally, Endgame gave me great closure for one of my favorite characters. I’m extremely Tony biased like, to a very extreme degree but he’s a character I connect with who has personally helped me through the years with his story so I think my attachment and bias can be excused a little. Even with that bias, I believe I can also understand other characters without the “I Love Tony Stark So Much” goggles shaping what I see. This is also gonna focus on the main six because this movie is dedicated to them, but all the other characters were awesome and I enjoyed their cameos/presence.

I’m gonna talk about Tony first because he’s my main focus for being so invested in the MCU. I’ve been watching the MCU since it started and 11 years later, seeing my favorite character, a character I connected with so much especially because of IM3 where he had anxiety and panic attacks like I was having at the time / still have (to a lesser degree though), die hurts so much. I could not stop crying in about the last hour when I knew he was gonna die. I’ve said it before on this site that the logical conclusion for his story is death. The only way Tony is gonna leave the armor as he’s been trying to since Avengers 1 is to die. He IS Iron Man, Iron Man is HIM, there is no difference. The only way Iron Man is over is if his life ends, too. So with that I figured this would be the end for him. I’ve been thinking he’s gonna die since Infinity War so, his death was not too much of a surprise. It still hurt like hell to see it happen, to know he’s truly gone. What hurts the most is that Morgan Stark will never truly know her father personally. She’s too young to remember much but at least she has his legacy surrounding her and loving her, knowing her father exchanged his life for her and everyone else on Earth to live freely. I did like that Tony got to see his dad one last time while he was a father himself. He got to come to terms with his dad in a way he never could before. RDJ’s acting was on point in this movie and I love him for what he’s done with Tony Stark.

I also want to point out the talk between Tony and Steve when Tony returns. I found this conversation to be very vital in addressing the issues between the two and why they possibly lost in Infinity War. I’ve said this before but the obvious thing is that the Avengers probably stood a chance against Thanos if they weren’t all split up thanks to the events of Civil War. Steve said they would fight together and lose together but as Tony points out, they didn’t lose together. They lost separately and Tony was stranded from Earth in space miles away for a month starving and dying. He had foreseen what was gonna happen and tried his best to achieve protection—his armor around the world plan—but the others merely chided him for it and then fought each other because of the consequences of not wanting that particular armor. And then they lost in the end, separated and Tony is torn. He is damaged and weak and sick and tired, he was nearly murdered and he lost the kid in turn. It is a sad moment and I was very happy it wasn’t immediate apologies when Tony arrived. The others had a month to reconcile but Tony was still dealing with what he faced alone with only Nebula and the ashes of Peter in his mind. I really enjoyed that conversation and found it to be a really good prelude to how the rest of the movie would pan out. When he took off the arc reactor and shoved it at Steve and told Steve to run and hide, gave Steve the armor and told him to do something about it…powerful stuff right there.

Now about Tony’s death: I think it was really important for him to do the final snap of ending Thanos’ war. He and Thanos have been the two at odds with each other this entire time. We know it’s going to eventually end up being him against Thanos like it was in Infinity War. But when he took the stones from Thanos and said “I am Iron Man” in retaliation to Thanos claiming he was inevitable!! Thanos is always gonna come but as long as Tony is Iron man, he will be defeated. Tony is the one who can save the universe and I think it’s also super important that he uses the most dangerous weapon ever. Tony protects the world with weapons, he started off profiting from it, but grows throughout the movies to eventually be trusted to use the most powerful weapon in the universe to save it. The Avengers trust him to use it for good and he trusts them to deal with the stones afterwards. It’s beautiful, it so beautiful. He dies with two families: his biological/iron fam and his superhero family. He dies trusting them to carry on not only his legacy but the legacy of Earth, of the Avengers, of avenging the universe in full. He is Iron Man and he finally gets to rest. He gets to put down the armor and save the universe like he’s been trying for years with the Avengers’ trust backing him up. Personally, I believe this is the hero death Tony deserved. He used to be a man who was feared for the destruction he caused and he went through a deep and thorough redemption and self-realizations to then be trusted to use the most destructive weapon for the greater good.

Now on to Thor and Bruce, two characters who I have an issue with in terms of their characterization. Thor’s dealing with a lot of shit. Understandable as hell; his story is probably the most dark given he has no living family anymore. Tony got lucky and his loved ones, Peter aside, survived. Thor lost everyone. He killed Thanos, he went for the head, but still didn’t win. His depression, anxiety, and PTSD is so valid. What I hate is that he didn’t get the same treatment in Endgame Tony got in IM3. Yes, Thor’s is a lot darker of a situation but he didn’t need to be the brunt of jokes. I understand that he is over 1000 years old and in the grand scheme of things, this moment in time is a blink and a bit of a sick joke. I understand that he falls back into his old Viking ways of alcoholism and whatnot. It’s totally understandable but I will always be disappointed in how it was approached. They still could have been humor and jokes without resorting to petty insults. I am glad though that his weight gain did not suddenly disappear. The way the Russo’s went about presenting it was insulting and demeaning but I feel it’s important as well to show that his weight gain wasn’t gonna suddenly disappear now that he’s back to being the mighty Thor.

Bruce was…okay I like Professor Hulk. I think it’s important that Bruce come to terms with his Hulk nature but the point of Hulk is that he’s angry and he unleashes it with smashing and I was just. Expecting more Hulk smash and still that dichotomy even if Bruce has come to terms with being Hulk. The thing I like is that Bruce, who was always scared of his persona as Hulk killing people got to bring back billions of lives as Hulk instead of taking those lives away. Anyway, I had that small beef with Hulk but it wasn’t as much as say against Thor. Bruce’s humor was lighter and not as insulting, it was a refreshing continuation of his Ragnarok/Infinity War characterization.

Speaking of Ragnarok, let’s talk Loki. Loki is my second favorite character and let’s be real, all Loki stans were basically expecting more out of Endgame when it came to this character. I figured he would be in flashbacks but I was hoping still maybe it would be more?? I said before that perhaps Tony breaks Loki out to get the tesseract and I mean, that did kinda happen. But at least we know we have a divergent 2012 timeline and this is probably where the Loki TV show is gonna be set. I’m definitely interested in seeing what happens in that alternate universe but we won’t see that for another two years so, just a big sigh. And also I’ve seen on twitter at least people upset that Thor didn’t talk to Loki when he went back to Asgard. Loki and Thor were at odds and not friends during The Dark World. I don’t think Thor talking to Loki would have done anything important, it wouldn’t have changed anything and it certainly wouldn’t have helped him with his task of getting the Aether from Jane. While it would have been nice to see more Loki when Thor went back to 2013, I think what we did see was the most that could have happened while Thor was also dealing with seeing his mother again.

On the topic of Loki, he seems to like go about as Steve, huh? I thought it was a cute nod to the scene from TDW (I cant remember if it was deleted or not I haven’t seen that movie in years lol) when he shape shifted into Steve to taunt the Avengers. Cheeky Loki is great and so is cheeky Steve. “I could do this all day” and “Yeah, I know, I know.” The Steve vs Steve fight was also really cool. I was surprise he used the mind stone to stop himself though? And I thought it was funny when he said “hail hydra” to get by with the scepter. Now onto Steve’s whole time loop. I am disgruntled but also weirdly okay with how that all ended. I am not anti-Steve in any manner but his MCU characterization is not on my personal top list of Cap storylines. I’ve seen someone say this before and I found I kinda agreed with it. Steve’s progression is becoming more and more selfish when it comes to keeping his family safe while in parallel Tony’s progression is becoming more and more selfless when it comes to keeping his own family safe. Very different takes on how to protect family, but I think it would be wrong to ignore that part of Steve’s story. He will do any and everything to keep Bucky alive at his side, to keep Sam safe, to keep the integrity of the Avengers alive even at the cost of his personal freedom. He wants, no needs, to have his family with him. He will risk damaging relations with everyone else to keep them save. That’s admirable.

That being said, Steve going back in time to be with Peggy is a pathetic conclusion even if I can come to terms with it. In my opinion, Steve is the only Avenger righteous enough to be able to go back to the past to fulfill his own timeline and not do anything about what is coming next. He takes a huge risk in staying back in time to be with Peggy; letting Hydra infiltrate SHIELD is one thing he could not change. No matter what, Thanos is coming. He is inevitable. But Tony is Iron Man, and Tony can only be Iron Man in the first place if he gets kidnapped in Afghanistan. This only happens because of Obadiah’s jealousy and greed, which comes out of Tony becoming CEO of Stark Industries after his parent’s premature deaths. Their premature deaths only happen because Bucky became the Winter Soldier and was brainwashed to kill them. These things have to happen in order for Thanos to be defeated so Steve has to keep these things alive. This also means he has to marry Peggy after he crashed in the ice so there are two Steve’s in the universe, one who is Peggy’s husband and another who is Captain America. He gets the future he always wanted and the superhero story he was born to be a part of. The biggest pieces of bullshit about this storyline is 1) Peggy being used as nothing but someone for Steve to lust over 2) Steve coming back somehow in the end as an old guy. You could sort of explain point 2 by saying old Steve always existed so it’s not actually disrupting the timeline, things are always supposed to be this. You know how in some time travel movies the present/future happens bc someone went back into the past and their actions caused it? Maybe Steve is something like that. I know they explained that it creates a split timeline but if old Steve is always there then it’s not a split timeline it’s just the regular timeline. It still doesn’t explain why old Steve was right there with the Avengers after they sent 2023 Steve to the past. Major plot hole. Also I don’t think him leaving Bucky in 2023 is a plot hole; Bucky has to live his life post being Hydra’s Winter Soldier and without Steve’s shadow over him. It’s gonna be great to see Bucky working with a new Captain America and forming a friendship with Sam.

Side note: I am so pleased about Falcon!Cap that is what I’ve wanted for years in mcu now and it’s here! That is definitely something I am grateful for in all of this. Another thing I liked is Valkyrie becoming the Queen of Asgard and Thor exploring the galaxy with the Guardians. Also Pepper in the Rescue suit, that made me super excited! Seeing all the ladies team up was very fun.

Anyway, on to the last two of the main six Avengers: Clint and Natasha. I think I saw some people upset about Natasha’s death…she was in a very dark place mentally but her sacrifice for her family to live on is just as important as Tony’s. They both exchanged their lives to save the universe and so her death was not pointless at all. It also is a great show of how much Clint loved her, how much he risked to save her and indict her into SHIELD after he was sent to off her all those years ago. As she said in Avengers, they all have blood on their hands, some more than others. This was her way of returning the lives she took just as Tony has done the same by snapping away Thanos’ army at the cost of his life. She was the soul they needed for these three Avengers—Natasha, Bruce, and Tony—who have taken many lives with their own hands if not just obscene amounts of violence, to reverse the Snap and save the universe. Clint can be included actually but since he was Ronin when he was slaying people for revenge I put that separate from when he returned to the Avengers.

MCU Clint isn’t my fave Avenger, both because of Renner and because of his characterization. But Endgame made me like him more, especially in the first five minutes or so as he taught his daughter archery and connected with his family. That was a beautiful opening scene and it wrenched my heart to see his family get dusted away. His dark turn was kinda corny imo I mean, the whole badass punk hipster vibe was funny but I really liked seeing him and Natasha interacting and being friends again. I’m glad he had a sword because while bow and arrow comes in handy, the battle requires close combat and he definitely was gonna get killed if he didn’t have something more than arrows.

Also the quantum realm suits grew on me…they are still ugly but it’s a tolerable ugly now.

AH! important point: Nebula’s storyline! I really liked how she had to literally kill her past self in order to keep herself and her sister alive. That side plot of Nebula battling herself was great and allowed for nice growth of her character and how her past self tried to sabotage her future.

Final point is that I enjoyed the movie for what it is: a beautiful close to the story of the Infinity Saga. It is meant to be a homage to the fans who have seen all the movies, who have followed the MCU for as long as they could. I don’t think this is meant to be for casual viewers, not that you can’t watch casually, but you definitely have to watch knowing what happened before. They don’t introduce Captain Marvel or Antman’s Quantum realm stuff much. It’s probably confusing if you haven’t seen Captain Marvel or the Antman movies. You’re expected to know what came before and I mean, it makes sense. Money making franchise or not, there’s a lot going on in this movie and taking the time to introduce new things over and over is not worth it.

tl;dr: Endgame is the story about end of the two who started the MCU, Tony Stark and Steve Rogers. I think you could even say that Steve stuck by Tony’s side until the end of the line. The two leaders of the Avengers, side by side and trusting each other again to get the job done. That is the Endgame because part of the journey is the end and doing whatever it takes to get there. My final thought (before rewatch because lbr, I will most likely watch again) is that I am very grateful for the chance to love Tony Stark as I have, to love him 3000 and 3000 times more and more. I love you, Tony Stark. You can rest now, my love. The universe is indeed safe in your hands~

[superleeleehipster]

Apologies for the negativity here... It’s just that I’m wondering what keeps people believing in Caryl? I remember Melissa saying that for Carol in S9 EVERYTHING has changed and TWD show her happy to be married. Okay so I doubt fireworks are there but she actually wants to be married to that guy. Nothing points to Caryl at all. Yeah Caryl really love each other like very best friends and Daryl does seem in love with her but will NEVER do anything about it. I believe that’s them in a nutshell. 😕

No worries anon, I understand the negativity. Everyone’s their own at this point when it comes to the Caryl fandom. I’ve taken a step back from analyzing every little detail in the scenes they do have together b/c, frankly, there are ppl out there who do it better than I do XD. I’ve actually been focusing on Caryl fanfics recently b/c that’s where I feel the most happy when it comes to Caryl.

Be that as it may, however, I still very much believe in Caryl. Even before the Carzekiel thing happened, I’ve always said that no matter what, as long as they’re both alive then there’s always a chance, and I still genuinely believe that. I was really disappointed when I first heard the Carzekiel spoiler, but now that it’s been the first half of the season, the way in which they’ve treated Carzekiel actually has me laughing my butt off. Not only did they already make it happen within the time jump, they made the engagement very non flashy (Carol seemed to agree after she looked at Henry, which makes me think a lot of it has to do with him) and they didn’t even show a wedding that spoilers first suggested. Zeke hasn’t had many scenes to play in general this entire season, so the show is treating the relationship like it’s not a big deal... maybe b/c it isn’t.

Then you have all of these wonderful Caryl scenes where the writers had plenty of opportunities to say that Daryl is like a brother to her (don’t say son!!). Plenty of opportunities to close it but they didn’t. They emphasized that they were each other’s most important person, Carol trusted Daryl the most when it came to her kid at Hilltop. And we got that script from the first Caryl scene that Angela K posted herself and it talked about how Daryl needs to act jealous and have an aura of loss of something that was important to him. Then Angela K as well as others openly say how important Carol and Daryl are to each other and how they’re soulmates, etc. Again, plenty of chances to shut it down and say “they’re just family, that’s it”, but no. They haven’t shut anything down. 

Here’s a good example of the type of couple I think Carzekiel is. In the Notebook, it was discovered that Allie’s mother Anne had a similar romantic thing going on around the same age as her daughter when she was that young. Anne wound up being forced to break things off from her then boyfriend via her parents and was pushed towards into marrying someone more proper, like Allie’s dad. Anne had reiterated that she really did love Allie’s father, she did. But she wound up giving Allie her blessing in chasing after Noah instead of going back to her fiancee, b/c she didn’t want her daughter to do the same mistake she did. Anne settled, and although it was a good man she settled for and she did love him, it wasn’t the intense/romantic love that every girl dreams about. It’s safe love...

I know some folks would say that that’s because they don’t want the Caryl fans to lose hope and drop the show. But considering how many ppl have dropped the show already, if that were the case, then they’re more stupid than I thought b/c IT’S ALREADY HAPPENING...

Anyways, in regards to Melissa talking about Carol and being married to Ezekiel, that didn’t surprise me one bit. This is the deck of cards that she was given to play. She doesn’t have much leeway or choice in the matter, so you damn well know she’s going to give it her all and play her best with it. And as an actress/artist, she wants people to appreciate what she creates. She wants ppl to respect her work that she does and respect her character’s story, even if others don’t agree to it. And honestly, I can respect that, and I still very much support Melissa... I just won’t support the writer’s decision.

Now I will say that if recent spoilers wind up being true and a certain other someone gets their head on a spike, then that’s just fucked up. The writers will once again give Daryl the same arc as what he’s had since season 5 really, and Carol will get the same arc as way back in season 2. It’s freaking ridiculous and really poor writing and they deserve every negative nancy from the critics that comes their way. But I do have a theory in that if that does occur, then Carol is going to push people away and maybe continue the Michonne arc from the comics. Yes her interaction with Daryl earlier this season was fairly similar to Michonne and Rick in the comics, but they might be giving that scene to Carol in season 10. 

In the comics, after All Out War, Michonne lives with Ezekiel at the Kingdom for a while and is genuinely happy. But then she decides to leave and be off on her own b/c she didn’t think she deserved a good life after everything she felt guilty for. She “abandoned her daughters during the outbreak and she could never live a happy life with all that regret”. I know this happens before the Whisperers War but the show has tweaked timeline shit before, especially in Carol’s case. This is only a theory but a certain someone’s death may have Carol running away again. Maybe not immediately but it could be after the Whisperers War. Like what we’ve all theorized, Carol seemed to decide to marry Ezekiel for Henry’s sake. So to have that gone, and in such a brutal manner, I don’t see Carol sitting very well with it. And I honestly see Ezekiel blaming her b/c he’s had the balls to call her a coward before b/c she wouldn’t go out to save Henry.

But at the end of the day, it’s up to AMC to decide whether or not to have Caryl end up together, and honestly, I don’t have much faith in them to do it while the show is still at it’s prime. I can see it happening like NCIS. You know, when Agent Dinozzo and Agent Ziva David had so much chemistry your eyes popped out of your skull, but nothing ever happened between them until Cote (Ziva) decided to leave the show. That’s when we finally see the first official kiss between them, when Tony says goodbye to her. Then it was like “oh what the hell, she’s gone so why not”. Then, same thing with Tony when Michael left, they spinned his departure by showing that he had a kid with Ziva, confirming that things were very much physical with him and Ziva the last time they saw each other. 

But anyways, it’s okay to feel negative anon, you have every right to. But I still believe in Caryl and always will. For now I can only indulge via fanfics, but that’s okay. If worse comes to absolute worst, at least we’re able to see two amazing actors share absolutely astounding scenes together that, despite not being together, still make us squeal out loud... or is that just me...

Much love to you anon

[misterradio]

it's a bit belated but here r some reboot ending thoughts ::-) (spoiler warning obviously. and warning for huge paragraphs lol)

was NOT expecting a cliffhanger like that despite knowing it would end on a cliffhanger.... HOOOO

i also found out the webcomic continuation is actually fan-made (although endorsed by the official site) which is why it's dubiously canon. so i was wondering why ppl act like it never got continued, and well, this would be why.

the more i think about this scene in the end of the daemon arc, where enzo has frisket bite matrix's hand and is talking him out of being infected, the more i like it. it was very tense and gave little enzo's character a chance to shine, through interacting with his older self, who by then had mostly avoided him... enzo saying "you would hurt our dog? we love that dog" made my heart break o_o (but gladly no harm befell anyone in that scene. except matrix getting bit.)

a random detail i noticed is that hexadecimal changed enzo's icon to be red, black, and gold-accented. impostor bob's uniform at dot's wedding was the same color scheme! it doesnt have 2 mean anything but i thought that was an interesting connection since they r both viruses ::-] (even if they are two viruses that hate each other lol)

it was really funny and confusing that they 1) changed bob's voice actor in season 3 and then 2) introduced an impostor bob voiced by the original actor in season 4. like. I love that. and then they 3) changed the actual bob's VA to the old one?!?!?!?!? when will your fave do that.

(taking it out of bullet point mode to get Serious) on that topic i didn't really like that they had bob's design + voice go back to how it was in the earlier show. and im not just saying this cuz i liked his long hair lol. it erased the signs of all he went through which felt sort of antithetical to other stuff going on.

like. dot was lamenting how she was wanting to marry the impostor bob that looked like the old one, rather than the original one, because the way the original one had changed reminded her of all the bad times they had gone through. which is understandable, but means she's just blocking out all that happened instead of processing it... it made me think that they were going to turn it into a message about processing and grieving past traumas? similar to how matrix is obviously scarred by his past, but it's important for him to work through it... but they didn't do that so i was sort of disappointing ::-( they've all gone through so much together and i think they should hang on to that. i know bob changing appearance doesn't change that, but it seems to in a superficial way.

back to some other random thoughts:

okay i think everyone knows what a trojan horse virus is but it made me happy that they used an actual virus term to describe something hehe. cuz they just made up a phrase for daemon (called her a 'cron virus', although using real world terms i think she might be some sort of logic bomb or time bomb.)

do u think megabyte ever finds out abt what happened 2 hex o_o

still really enjoyed worm in a mech suit. (although seeing the very last scene, of him restraining enzo, was scary i really hope enzo would b okay)

CLOSING THOUGHTS!! This show was so so fun ::-) The characters were interesting, i loved the concept, it appealed 2 my love of cgi and viruses and stuff. bob is my friend ::-)

I'm really glad I checked it out just from looking at cgi-history type stuff, i'll probably look at more early cgi shows for funsies ::-) also this proved that i can actually sit down and watch shows HEHE

[superleeleehipster]

Why Carzekiel Won’t Happen

Phew, okay guys. Let’s try and calm our tits, alright? I definitely understand the short fuse that us Carylers have. It’s been 7 full seasons and Caryl still hasn’t gone canon, so many of our attitudes in regards to scenes is either ‘All or Nothing’. I get it, I really do. But there’s nothing to be scared of at this point, it’s only one day of filming spoilers and lord knows that filming spoilers and episode spoilers can be vastly different in the end. 

I think this will help the many who are disappointed over the spoilers. So obviously a lot of us are terrified of having just a little bit of hope b/c TWD storyline could absolutely go anywhere it wanted to. However, to me Carzekiel does not make sense not only as a storyline, but also as a marketing tool. So here’s why I don’t think anything will happen between Carol and Ezekiel:

Under the cut b/c this wound up being more lengthy than I planned, as usual XD

Why Carzekiel won’t work for the storyline:

Many Carylers are fearful of Carzekiel being a thing partially b/c Carol has been on a similar path as Michonne in the comic books. However, a lot of characters on the show have gotten snippets of the character’s arcs in the comic books. When the governor was alive, Michonne was the one that was captured and she was raped by the governor. But in the show, back in season 3, it was Maggie and Glenn, and even though Maggie wasn’t raped, she was assaulted. That’s just an example of how just b/c Carol seems to be on a similar arc as Michonne was, that doesn’t mean it’s going to follow through completely. Comic Michonne had slept with Morgan and Ezekiel and comic Carol slept with Tyreese and tried to convince Rick and Lori to have a threesome… obviously the show didn’t follow that arc.

Also, putting Carol with Ezekiel would make no sense b/c of how they’ve developed both their relationship and Caryl’s relationship. That famous speech Zeke gave her in episode 2, the writers specifically left out the part that was flirtatious. In the comics, he says this speech to Mich and they get a little flirty after the speech but he and Carol don’t. Throughout season 7, Carol was visited both by Morgan and Zeke and she was always annoyed when they came to visit her. However, when Daryl visits, she hugs him… HUGS HIM, with tears of relief and happiness. 

I know others have said it too but it’s an important reminder, in that if TWD writers wanted to promote Carzekiel b/c they knew they’d go canon in the next season, Daryl wouldn't have been at the Kingdom at all. Think about it, Daryl didn’t try to convince Ezekiel to join the fight, not even once. The only thing he did there was go see Carol and then leave. Thats it. If they wanted to promote Carzekiel, they wouldn’t have had an entire episode of Daryl not only praising Carol, but also taking the time to find her, spend time with her, and basically reminding the audience of just how powerful of a bond they have. If they wanted to promote Carzekiel, then Carol wouldn’t have been as annoyed when Zeke came to visit her. 

It would just not make sense for Carzekiel to happen b/c Carol’s already had the dead end relationship with Tobin, so whoever she chooses next will be real for her, and Daryl is by far the closest person she has in her life. 

SHE DIDN’T WANT HIM TO LEAVE HER DAMN HOUSE! SHE WANTED TO RUN AFTER HIM... *crawls into a fetal position* 

Why it wouldn’t make sense for Carzekiel to be a thing in terms of marketing

If you look at every single voting poll AMC has done on who the audience wants to see come together, it’s always Caryl. They have also had polls that ask which couple is the best and they have Caryl as an option even though they’re technically not a couple (and by the way, Caryl winds those a lot too). 

Even though we’d like to think so, AMC is not stupid, they know that a BIG portion of the audience wants something to happen between Daryl and Carol, and they also know that putting Carzekiel together, even if for a short time, would cause them to have more disappointed fans than happy fans. So having the audience lose interest in the show is NOT what they need right now. They know they’ve got a lot of convincing to do after losing a ton of their fanbase, and they know that their best wildcard is Caryl. 

But if anything else, leave it to the actors themselves to set things straight. Lennie was taken aback by the idea of a romance between his character and Mel’s, and he said that “if that ever happened, then I think Daryl would have something to say about it”. Khary was a little baffled at the shipping as well. Despite his initial joke on talking dead about him getting laid, he had said in interviews that it blows him away how quickly and how easily ppl start shipping other characters. He even said that they’ve only had a select few scenes together and ppl already think they’re going to be a couple, yet Caryl has been shipped for way longer. 

So even the other male counterparts that are shipped with Carol are a little baffled as to why some of the audience are already shipping them. If that tells you anything, it’s that the ACTORS are not expecting their characters to go that route. 

Filming Spoilers

Now we’ve gotten spoilers for one episode out of 16, just one. So much shenanigans could happen the rest of the season, so we shouldn’t judge one episode’s spoilers on what the entire season will be like. Also, they spent a few days at the studio (I think the Sanctuary), and we have no idea who was filming those days. So that’s a few days worth of possibilities there too!

What we should seriously focus on is the fact that Caryl is actually sharing breathing space in the first episode of the season, which is A LOT better start than last year. It’s sad but that’s gotta be a fucking record for those two, so things are already looking up. 

Also, I understand that the armband is what’s freaking people out, but we don’t know for certain as to the significance of it, or even how Carol joined the Kingdom team. For all we know, maybe before the battle, Rick goes to Carol and asks her to stay with Zeke and the Kingdom during the attack. Think about it, Rick was just betrayed by a group he had entrusted to help him, so of course he’d still be a little lacking in complete trust over Zeke. He’d feel better if Carol were with them just so he knew someone he trusted would be on the inside. And Daryl himself was spotted with a red armband in his back pocket behind the scenes, so that could play out into something significant too. Could it be just Norman with a random piece of ribbon in his pocket? Sure, but there’s an equal chance that it’s part of his scene.

Even with the armband business, why would TWD make the effort to have Daryl be the one to be near Carol and the others. Why would they want them close if there’s no significance between each other? And even though they may be on different teams, according to the armband, Daryl is still choosing to be near her before the fight. This could be like a ‘seeing off’ with each other before the attack begins. You never know.

But even IF (big if) this does mean that Carol 

Now don’t be surprised if Carol and Ezekiel are sharing scenes together. But that doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing. I would love for Carol to gain a friend like Zeke b/c he’s such a genuinely nice guy, and I’m sure she’d gain a lot from a friendship with him. 

Look, I know that we all want canon and we are sick and tired of our babies being separated, but we just need to be patient. We are our own worst enemy at this point, so let’s just take everything with a grain of salt for now. And if you’re feeling hopeless or doubtful, just keep looking back at what the writers have given us. According to the actors, every shot is taken for a reason, and there has to be a good reason for Carol to prefer Daryl over Zeke man.

Besides, you could do so much with those two, even if they have to share the scene with Tara and Morgan. You could capture them having quick glances at each other with nervous smirks on their faces. POTENTIAL IS EVERYWHERE!!

Anyways, Caryl on loves.