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wertdifferenz · 7 years ago

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Leave a Light on - Chapter 11

His phone lays on the table, right next to the note Lance has wrote before leaving him again. Sure, he said he went to visit his family, but it feels just like every other time he vanished to explore Asia, or Europe, or Africa or really any place that isn’t near Miami.

Okay, it might be unfair to say that Lance chooses his destinations on the mere fact to be far away from Keith. He is sure that Lance doesn’t even think about him when he leaves for a new adventure, and that is exactly what bothers the raven so much.

Lance leaves without thinking about returning to them. He goes without the intention of even writing his friends where he is right now, or what he does or most importantly, when he’s coming back. He just vanishes for months, the only signs of life the updates on Instagram from time to time.

Keith sighs and buries his head in his knees. He had finished work earlier, planning on talking to the brunet as soon as he gets back home, but as he had entered the apartment and saw his shoes and jacket missing, he just knew that Lance was gone again.

The note on the dinner table was just another confirmation of Keith’s fear. He read it over and over again, trying to find some hint between the lines, think outside the box, looking for any sign that Lance plans on returning, but his hope lessened with every time his eyes scan the note again.

Hey Keith,

I’m sorry about the fight. I thought about all night, but in the end, I still have no idea what happened or what’s going on. I’m gonna visit my family so we both have some time to cool our heads.

See you, Lance

P.S.: Sorry about the bike trip on Saturday. I was really looking forward to it. Let’s make it up someday.

There still some pizza in the fridge, and the muffin I bought for you from the bakery Shay recommended. You have to eat the stuff before it goes bad.

The first pizza is already gone when Keith checks his phone for the hundredth time. There are a few messages from the group chat with Pidge and everyone, and a private message from Shiro asking about dinner with Lance, but he dreads answering any of them. Keith doesn’t want the group to know about the root of the fight and if he tells Shiro what happened, his brother is just going to give him stupid advice like he always does.

Sure, the stupid advice is actually pretty great most of the times, but Keith is just not in the mood to listen to anything besides his brain repeating over and over how stupid he is.

In the end, Keith strongly believes that he scared Lance away for good. How can he not think that, when he was the one who raised his voice, attacked Lance with his words and ran away before listening to any explanation. He curses himself and his hotheadedness for ruining everything.

Keith sighs.

He wants Lance to stay with him in Miami so bad, he didn’t even think what the brunet wanted for himself before the fight. Lance never complains about his travels or his sometimes pretty odd jobs, so he must like being on the road all the time, right? He doesn’t seem to mind that he’s always far away from his friends and family. He doesn’t seem to mind that he’s always far away from Keith.

Another sigh.

I’m so selfish, he thinks. Having Lance stay in his home combined with the hopeless, yearslong crush on him must have cut off Keith’s ability to think and speak rationally when it came to discussing the possibility of the brunet leaving again.

I’m so stupid. Keith doesn’t move from his seat. He can’t stand looking at Lance’s room, checking if the brunet is really gone for good or if some of his belongings are still here. If he has to come back for them. What if he doesn’t come back this time?

The sound of the front door opening makes Keith perk up. He jumps from his seat and runs to the source of the sound, startling Shiro who is in the middle of taking his shoes off. The hopeful smile on Keith’s face disappears as he seas his brother. Instead of greeting him, he simply shuffles back into the living room and plops himself on the couch.

“Wow, nice to see you too, beloved brother,” Shiro says from the hallway. His concerned voice seeps through the sarcastic greeting.

Keith groans into a pillow, not in the mood to talk to his brother right now. “Why are you here anyway?”

Shiro only answers when he’s standing over Keith, taking in the miserable body in front of him. “You didn’t respond to my message.”

Oh, right. Ignoring Shiro just leads to him visiting uninvited. A habit he hasn’t gotten rid of, even after catching his brother in rather embarrassing situations, alone and with other people.

Keith doesn’t answer, which concerns Shiro even more. He has a guess why his brother is in such a bad mood, the absence of the shoes and jacket of said brothers crush pointing out the obvious, but he wants to make sure before he jumps into conclusions. “Where’s Lance?”

Keith frowned while pointing to the dinner table. Shiro walks over, silently reading the note before looking at Keith with apologetic eyes.

“What happened?” He sighs.

Keith buries his head further into the pillow. “Nothing.”

“Well, the letter says you had a fight.”

“Shiro,” he groans again. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Keith-“

“Don’t. Not now. Please, Shiro. I just want to be angry at myself and Lance and the whole fucking world for being so stupid.” Keith’s head falls back into the pillow, his hands coming up to cover his eyes, trying to block out the outside world and especially his brother.

Shiro sighs again. He realizes that this is going nowhere, but he doesn’t want to leave Keith in a state like this. “So, you want to come over for dinner?”

“No, thanks,” Keith huffs at him. “I still have some pizza in the fridge.”

“You prefer some cold, sloppy pizza over a delicious, homecooked meal?”

Keith snorts. “Both of you can’t cook for your lives. I prefer the cold, sloppy pizza over anything that you manage to dish out.”

“Ouch, you hurt my pride, bro.” Shiro is feigning some pain, putting his hand on his heart and making a sad face, which looks more like a grimace. “Matt and I took cooking classes just for you.”

“More likely that you don’t poison each other.”

Shiro punches him in the shoulder. Even though it’s meant to be a light hit, it still hurts pretty bad. Keith rubs the aching spot as Shiro smiles at him. “I’d like to see you do it better.”

“Hey, at least I don’t burn water.”

“That was one time!” They both laugh at that.

It takes some time for the laughter to calm down, mostly because they don’t stop their quips for quite a while. In the end they just sit together in comfortable silence. Shiro breaks it with some reassuring words in his dad-voice. “You can talk to me anytime, okay?”

Keith nods at him, a thankful smile appearing on his lips. “I know.”

Shiro leaves soon after that since Matt is still waiting with dinner at their place. Keith stays on the couch for the rest of the evening, only getting up to get the muffin from the fridge, eating it with a frown and a heavy weight on his heart.

It takes some time for him to fall asleep later. His brain just won’t shut up, still thinking about their fight, Lance’s note and his sudden leave. He already knows his sleep will be restless and he will be a grumpy mess in the morning but knowing that doesn’t help him sleep either.

“When are you coming back this time, dummy?” Keith whispers to himself shortly drifting off.

Keith was right the night before: He is a grumpy mess the next day. His co-workers are kind enough to not bug him the whole day, even going as far as keeping the customers away from him. Well, that’s probably more for the sake of the shop than for him, but everyone benefits like this.

He has a lot to do today, since he doesn’t have to come in tomorrow. It’s too late to change shifts now and Keith isn’t really in the mood for working anyway. He tries not to think too much about the canceled bike trip, tries to let his mind wander elsewhere while repairing the generator of an old Ford.

Time flies quickly, and by skipping lunch Keith finishes earlier than expected. In the end his boss Coran throws him out before Keith manages to snatch a bike from a colleague. Keith can’t really fight him, it’s only legit that he finishes early when there’s no work left for him. He tries though, but one look from the old man makes him shut up, grab his bag and quickly drive off before he gets into real trouble.

Keith really doesn’t want to be in his empty apartment, but the rest of the group is busy and sitting alone in a bar is too sad, even for him. Sitting alone at home doesn’t feel better, but at least no one can judge him like this.

He is missing some kind of distraction though. The television is on, as well as his laptop and his phone, every device showing a program, video or website he usually enjoys watching, but his heart isn’t in it today. His mind keeps drifting off to the empty room down the hall, and most importantly to the person who is missing from there.

He wonders what Lance is doing right now? It dinnertime, so he’s probably sitting with his family at the table, eating Rosa’s home-made food, fighting with Isabella or joking with the smallest two. Maybe one of his bigger brothers join the family, since they live in the same town. Marco usually brings his wife and children, and Luis has been dating this nice Canadian guy for a while now. Keith wonders if they will marry soon?

Is Lance happy right now? He must be, jammed on the small dinner table between his siblings, enjoying the company of his loved ones, telling stories from his travels and listening to the others talk about their day. Keith can almost hear his laughter, loud and bright, his energetic voice filling the room, can almost see the wide gestures his arms make while talking and his smile beaming as bright as thousand suns.

Opening his eyes, the image vanishes. Left are the sparse walls of his living room, no on else in the apartment but him. The show on his laptop is paused, the sound on his television turned off. The only sound he can hear is his own breathing and the ticking of the clock on the kitchen wall. It’s an almost mocking sound, reminding him how alone he is.

And not just alone, but lonely too.

Keith sighs, closes his eyes and rests his head back on the couch. He can feel the heat slowly crawling towards his eyes, but he refuses to acknowledge the tears, even as they slowly trail over his cheeks, rolling down his chin and neck before disappearing into the collar of his shirt. Keith just sits there, doing nothing but thinking about the person he yearns to see the most right now.

“Please come back,” he whispers into the empty room.

The soft ‘clack’ of the front door closing hauls him out of his thoughts. Keith groans. As much as he loves his brother, the constant check-ups just because Keith is a bit upset starts to annoy him. And it’s still so early in the morning. Doesn’t Shiro have something better to do with his Saturday?

He doesn’t bother to get up from the couch, too comfortable wrapped in blankets and his own misery to move anywhere right now. “Shiro, for the last time: I don’t want to eat yours or Matt’s burnt water!” He shouts from his position.

“Burnt water?”

Keith heads shots up from the couch. His brain needs a second to process the picture of Lance standing in his living room, a confused look from Keith’s previous words turning into a shy smile as he sees the ravens shocked expression.

It takes a few more seconds for Keith to realize that this is not a dream, that Lance is really standing in the middle of his apartment right now, small duffle bag in one hand, the spare key Keith gave him a few days prior in the other.

“Lance!” He shouts before jumping off the couch, almost falling in the process of trying to unwrap himself from his blanket-burrito while simultaneously tumbling closer to the brunet. Thankfully Lance gets the hint, walking to Keith and wrapping him in a hug before the raven has the chance to kiss the floor. “You’re back,” he stammers into Lance’s chest, eagerly hugging back.

“Hey buddy,” Lance laughs, holding him a bit tighter as Keith starts to tremble in his embrace. Lance buries his face in Keith’s hair, taking a shaky breath himself as he hears the raven snuffle.

For a moment, everything is alright.

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