#lamp bastard whom i love and adore

[kokorodachidanii]

@wanderin-over-yonder has led me to believe that today is Something the So-and-So’s birthday and no one can stop me.

[pastelpinkcheeks]

Tolkien Secret Santa 2020!!!

Here’s my gift for the 2020 exchange! Happy holiday to y’all ( @officialtolkiensecretsanta ) and a fantastic New Year ! This was written for @stormwarnings​ uwu I hope you find it cute and funny and that there aren’t many typos on it... I am really bad with the typos. Anyways. Have fun!

Title: In which Thorin learns about Hobbit Christmas 

Rating: G

Summary:  Decorations up in mid-November, a pantry filled to the brim with food and declaring war on your cousin because of presents? It's the Christmas holiday at the Shire and Thorin wants to know all about it.

Read it under the cut or at AO3! 

https://archiveofourown.org/works/28287660

 The hobbits had this thing called Christmas and Thorin was just discovering how much of a big deal it was. Oh, he wasn’t an ignorant old dwarf, thank you very much, he had some idea of what this Christmas holiday was supposed to be. There were feasts, and celebration, and presents, very similar to the dwarven traditions of Yuletide.

All in all, probably not that much of a big deal. Just harmless winter time fun!

Oh, boy, was he wrong.

It was the middle of November. Thorin was happily bouncing young Frodo on his knee and reading him a children’s story. Only five months since he decided to move into the Shire with his dear Bilbo and Frodo already adored him. The young man was nothing but a toddler, but Thorin was terribly blessed at how quickly he managed to charm Bilbo’s nephew.  Young hobbits weren’t always fond of his rugged looks, and his beard was always raising suspicion around the Shire. Fortunately to him, Thorin was amazing at making different voices for the characters.

“…and then they lived happily ever after.” Thorin finished the book, making the three-year-old clap his little hands in a mismatched rhythm.

That was when Bilbo dropped a heavy box by his feet, startling both dwarf and hobbit. “Good, you’re done! Frodo, darling, guess what we’ll be doing today?!”

The young toddler stared at him with wide eyes. “Dunno?”

Bilbo smiled and opened the cardboard box. “We will be putting on the Christmas decorations!”

Frodo shrieked and hopped of Thorin’s knee, falling to the ground on his chubby knees and palms. He quicky raised back to his feet and dove inside the cardboard box, pawing at all the colored tinsel. Thorin raised an eyebrow.

“I thought your Yuletide celebration only happened in the end of December.”

“Yes, Thorin, but we start decorating earlier.” Bilbo said as a matter of fact.

“You start decorating in November, then?” He hummed, wondering why bother decorating before Christmas itself was knocking on their door. Wouldn’t they be tired of the decorations by the end of December, when the holiday was due to happen? He did not mention that, though, because both Frodo and Bilbo were happily scavenging inside the wooden box.

He ought to write that down. Get used to the Shire festivities!

    And the Shire was boiling with celebration all over the place. Bilbo was consistently sending Thorin to the market to buy more and more food, and even though Thorin had no problem with eating a lot or stocking up food, their pantry was starting to cranky under the weight of all the stuffed hams, salted pork meat, gigantic pumpkins, pots and more pots of honey, a lot of bottles filled with red wine, dark ale and blonde beer. There were also huge blocks of hard cheese, and small blocks of blue cheese pilled on top of each other. Not to mention the vegetables, that, for all Thorin knew, would be stale by the second week of December.

“It’s just in case one of the in-laws drop by and we have to make a quick feast.” Bilbo ushered him off whenever Thorin complained.

“A feast is never quick, Bilbo.” Thorin frowned. In the paper Bilbo had just gave him, there was a small list of items to buy. “Why do we need an entire mutton?”

“Oh, I don’t know, why do we need it?” He placed his hands on his waist, tapping his overly large foot on the wooden floor. “Because it is Christmas!”

If the cranking pantry was worrying Thorin – Frodo can very much be standing under one of the wooden planks when they inevitably break down from the excessive weight! Have you considered that, Bilbo?! – he had not been prepared to deal with the market in the beginning of the third week of December. Not even the halls of Morgoth, during the first age, had been as crowded with mad creatures as that market. Thorin was blessed with height, otherwise he would have been swallowed by the crowd of fussy hobbits.

Patiently, Thorin stood by and waited. Everyone around him was yelling, leaning on the counters and trying to get their goodies first than the others. Fussy hobbits, Thorin thought with a frown. He could be the arsehole and use his louder, deeper voice that compared to theirs was like thunder, but he wanted so much to be a good lover to Bilbo, and he wanted to charm his family. He couldn’t be that guy who went to the market to yell at other people. He couldn’t be that guy.

So, he waited patiently in line and bought all the goodies Bilbo had beautifully written down on his note. Thorin always loved his calligraphy, how he added little dots on top of his letters that more looked like small crystals.

    The other thing he learned was that entire feuds were held over not giving a gift to someone during the Christmas week. Not during Christmas day, no, not that. That was too late for hobbits standards. If you actually cared for friends and family, sending presents had to be done till the Christmas eve otherwise you were as good as declaring war on them.

And Bilbo was considering finally declaring war on his cousin, the dreadful Lobelia Sackville-Baggins.

“Is it worth it?” Thorin asked, fixing the golden tinsel that Frodo had ripped from the top of the entrance door. “What is it about the Christmas spirit again?”

“Oh, don’t you even start.” Bilbo tapped his feet. “Every holiday I give her something good. Something made of silver, or perhaps a new embroidered apron. And guess what? The damned woman will still try to abscond with my silverware.”

“Maybe…” Thorin touched his beard. “Maybe you should give her something extremely valuable. You should humble the woman until she is too ashamed and won’t even try to steal anything.”

“Or perhaps I should give her absolute garbage since she will inadvertently pick something else from this very house!”

And Thorin sat back on the armchair, watching as his lover fussed around the house, trying to select whatever piece of trash he could find lying around the house. Frodo appeared a few minutes later, his child-like voice asking what his uncle was looking for. Thorin bent down and picked him up, setting the young hobbit on his knee. “Your uncle is going on a personal vendetta against his cousin Lobelia.”

“What’s vendetta?” Frodo asked.

“Well… it’s when someone does something bad and you decide to do something bed to them as well.” Thorin frowned. Perhaps he shouldn’t be teaching something like that to young Frodo, and shouldn’t be telling the young kid that his uncle was a mean little bastard when he wanted to. “Actually… why don’t we go wrap up the presents and leave your uncle to his own devices?”

Little Frodo happily nodded and followed Thorin to one of the many rooms inside Bag End. Thorin was sure Frodo had quickly forgotten all about ‘vendetta’ when later that week, during the Christmas, he quickly found out just how good the memory and understanding of a three-year-old could be. When Bilbo was, with an overtly sweet smile, delivering his neatly wrapped present to Lobelia, little Frodo asked:

“Is that the vendetta?” While pointing to the colorful present.

“The what?” Lobelia blanched, frowning at the kid.

Bilbo paled. “Now, where did you learn that word?! Little kids really have a fascinating way of learning, don’t they? Frodo, dear, come, let’s get you another cookie in reward for your excellent vocabulary.”  Said Bilbo while hiding the present behind his back and taking Frodo by the hand.

“But what about my gift?!” Lobelia asked, still confused by Frodo’s words but greedily staring at where the package had disappeared.

She would, obviously, receive her package later. Not the collection of old toothpicks Bilbo had smugly wrapped up in a big box, but a bottle of old brandy he received from Lord Elrond himself. Next year, perhaps, he would fool Lobelia and give her what she deserved. But the important part about a vendetta was not letting the victim know about it!

Now… Bilbo asked himself while he quickly wrapped up the bottle, where did Frodo learn that word?! It didn’t take Bilbo two seconds to figure out where he learnt that, or, even better, whom he learned it from.

    Despite Thorin going on and ruining Bilbo’s marvelous plan of fooling Lobelia without technically declaring Christmas war on her, he couldn’t stay mad at the big oaf of a dwarf he had brought into his home. Their first Christmas together, and Bilbo was immensely appreciative of how much Thorin was trying to learn Hobbit customs and blend in with Bilbo’s gigantic family and never-ending family drama. He already loved Frodo, which covered the essentials, but seeing Thorin learning some of the Shire Christmas carols really warmed up his heart.

And, boy, did he sing them in dwarven fashion, all low notes and rumbling voice?

It was nearly morning when Bag End was finally clear of family members. Frodo was asleep, had been asleep for hours now, and Bilbo was putting the trash out. Thorin was smoking outside, and the Sun was making the sky shine in different colours. It was now light enough to see without the aid of a lamp.

Bilbo sat down next to Thorin. “How was your first Christmas experience?”

Thorin let out the smoke and tapped the pipe down, removing the burnt leaves. “You hobbits take it very seriously. It was enjoyable.”

“Even after all the times I sent you to the market?”

“Even after the multiple lines I had to stand by.” Thorin nodded and smirked. “Now, were you consciously sending me away? I thought you were too busy that you weren’t even noticing that.”

Bilbo snickered. “I wanted to make sure we had everything in case anyone would drop by earlier than the Eve, but, in honesty… I like it. Having this domesticity between us, being able to send the mighty King of Erebor whenever I wish to buy, I don’t know, carrots and salted pork.” He laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t know, Thorin… this, this thing… it works, doesn’t it? Do you feel like it works? God, am I rambling? Sometimes I get overexcited.”

“It works.” Thorin said, making Bilbo shut up all at once. He leaned down to kiss Bilbo’s curls, the little braids he himself had put there. “I wasn’t sure I could trade rock and stone for sunny meadows and green hills, but it works.”

Bilbo stared at him. From the greying hair at his temples to the sharp tip of his nose. Wow, Bilbo thought, enamored, what a dwarf! He looked around for a second; in the next weeks the Shire would be snowy and wintery, but so far, it was only December. None of them were too fond of snow.

“Next year, maybe, we should go to Erebor. So you can teach me about your holidays.”

“It involves less fussing about unexpected relatives dropping by and more drinking competitions.” Thorin warned.

Bilbo’s nose twitched. “Then you better have some sugar and grease to help me with all that speculative drinking.”

“I will keep that in mind.”

[a-collection-of-villainous-aus]

Pirate Au 3

The drabbles do kinda follow on from each other and there's a refrence to drabble two in this one.

There is some Lizardhat in this but it's more friends with benefits.

505 is human in this

A few days had passed since Flug had been captured and still the Pirate King had not managed to draw a single word from him, that merman was nothing if not stubborn!

Black Hat had tried talking to him but he was lucky if he got so much as a passing glance!

Oh but if Demencia went close enough Flug would splash her, take notice that she was there…what if that blasted thing actually…no, no do not go down that line, sighing and lighting up a cigarette, his thoughts wandering over a black ocean dressed in glittering diamonds mirroring its twin up high where a moon watched over both, motherly and ever content with her darlings.

A long drag, smoky tendrils slipping past his lips, if their positions were exchanged he would have absolutely cursed, shouted and spat at his captor...but this merman actually dared to give him the silent treatment, why did it bother him so much, he was King of the seven seas and all the land when so desired…he should not let this one insignificant creature only heeded his first mate and not him get so under his skin.

Letting out an exasperated groan before taking another drag, it was not as if he had lungs to ruin, at least not ones that could become sick like the mere mortals of this universe, what did Flug look like under that ridiculous burlap sack, heh no doubt he’d had gone through some ghastly experience that left him absolutely hideous…

Or perhaps it was worn in company, shy maybe?

A peculiar form of comfort which he only lifted when he had a need to eat?

Ohhhh Black Hat you bloody idiot.

Being a demon he did not require food only dining because if there was one thing the old being had to admit was that human food was really quite delectable…and he’d been eating it, in front of Flug as the merman no doubt starved…yes that is a brilliant way to get him to like you isn’t it.

His internal monologue dripping with sarcasm at his actions, stubbing the cigarette out on his palm Black Hat growled in frustration, Fives would be in the galley making sure his next meal was prepared.

Taking a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself he started off, of course his treasure needed to eat!

Though considering whom this being was , he was not about to admit ever that it had completely slipped his mind that Flug actually needed food.

No, no he was far too proud for that, instead he’d lie; act nonchalant as if this had been the plan the whole time, yes that would be the best course of action.

Fist in palm, he would not have some merman who crashed onto HIS ship think him a fool.

Left shoulder beginning to ache he let out a snarl, that damned mark had been playing up just before this whole accursed incident, why didn’t he toss that merman back in the sea , let fate do as it pleased…something told him though, even if he’d done that, Flug would have somehow still ended up back on this vessel.

Claws digging in just enough to hurt, his chest tightened at the very thought of throwing him off his ship, to see an empty tank, it made him recoil, growling at himself he continued making his way to the galley grumbling

“I do not have soul mate, nor will I ever so stop bloody whining, if you tell me that fish man is my so called counterpart I will rip you off and eat you.”

The mark in truth had no real consciousness; it just made it easier to believe that his loneliness was at the fault of it, like a poison he could not cure his body from as well as any other unwanted emotion.

ELSEWHERE:

Specifically in Black Hat’s quarters a stocky man in a baggy blue shirt with a portion of his hair black and top a soft pale golden yellow (cause you know flower on top of 505’s head in non human version) was sitting cross legged beside Flug’s tank, he’d made sure not to light any lamps or candles in case the Captain saw them.

Either way Fives was glad to be sat here in not so pitch blackness, the merman’s tail had a myriad of colours and patterns in blue and pink, his pale skin lighting up softly making the land walker wonder if he had been made from the stars.

Flug was laying on the bottom of his aquarium, chewing on a fish his oh so considerate acquaintance had brought in, a few more kept under him to stop them floating off, sharp teeth biting through flesh as wisps of inky blood swirled around his mouth.

"I cudn't bear to think about ya not eatin', Capin' adn't asked any food for you..."

Fives was clearly a little nervous, sharp fangs made him a little uneasy, hands fidgeting, Flug's display was so pretty to look at though that it more than made up for his concern.

He’d love nothing more than to draw him, despite his lack of talent, he enjoyed putting colours to paper and this merman had many of them, pressing his hands on the glass, his eyes reflecting such a wonderful sight with child like wonder.

Flug did not flinch at all, his belly demanding food, sensing his company was of no threat he contently slipped another fish into his maw, still holding its end fins and much like a cartoon pulled it out the skeletal remains before rising to the surface and holding out his hand to pass Fives the remains, after all he did not want rubbish littering his tank.

“I assure you, it is greatly appreciated, I was half ready to jump out and eat whatever scraps that bastard left on his plate, One, does not gain favours by starving their captured…urgh pets.”

“You can talk!”

Fives gasped, clapping his thick hands together excitedly.

“He be speakin', Black ‘at , sayin' you can’t say nuthin!”

“Of course I can talk, you do not live three hundred years and not learn to speak land walker!”

The merman replied indignantly, folding his arms over the edge of his now home where his burlap sack also rested.

“Soooo, does he always get this cranky when someone does not give him the attention he thinks he deserves?”

Flug watched as Fives nodded and laughed

“He’s been grumblin’ about ya for days, grrr merman no talkin’, pissy fish!”

Flug couldn’t help but snigger at that, so he was annoying Captain Black Hat after all!

Good!

Tail swaying in delight at the thought of Hat being pissed at him, it was what the demon deserved.

“What did he think was going to happen? I would be oh, Captain Black Hat, take me in your arms, show me just how much of a man you are!”

A hand to his forehead playing a blushing swooning character before both he and Fives were actually giggling about the idea of it…ya know despite the fact the merman did watch when Black Hat allowed himself to rest, he would sleep next to the glass to be as close as possible to him, yes Flug knew he should hate him, he did…but at the same time…laughter fading out as he lost himself to his thoughts.

(Leave a fish symbol in asks if you’d like a drabble on Flug watching black hat sleep

;3)

Fives certainly noted his actions, watching as the merman touched along his jaw, (read drabble 2 for reference) making Fives wonder what Flug was thinking of.

What had Black Hat done to suddenly make such a memory so distracting, it was clear he had not harmed him, which on its own was surprising enough, usually by now anyone who had been so disobedient as he would no longer be permitted to live.

Chewing on another fish, Flug remained quiet for a few moments.

“Demencia and he are together anyway, are they not?”

He asked, voice sounding distant.

A Thick brow rose as he scratched at his thin beard, oh so Flug didn’t like the Captain huh…heh yeah, sure and pigs were naturally born with wings there was a small smile on his soft features

“Sometimes but it ain’t nothin’ deep, why?”

Clearing his throat Flug shook his head

“I just ask, Demencia is not so terrible after all, she can take a swim with me when she pleases company in here would honestly be nice.”

“I heard she be pissin’ ya off?”

He was confused by Flugs response, Fives had been assuming these last few days from how Demmy talked about this merman that he didn’t like her in the slightest.

“Demencia has character, she can be a pain but she certainly keeps me entertained.”

They fell into silence again, after all Fives wasn’t one for talking much, he’d hoped to hear some fantastical stories that would be akin to fairy tales but it was obvious their guest was not quite so ready to open up to that extent.

Flug was aware that his current company was looking him over, admiring the display in artistic appreciation, it was pleasant not to stared at like an abomination…he had once tried to join that city of pearls and lights in the Seas, but sharp prongs, deep rich colours and fangs were not exactly welcomed, fearing that he might just up and eat one of them had resolved in him returning to his dark domain in the black Ocean depths.

Fives innocent wonder made him feel like he was a Unicorn, in the sense he felt magical and rare, something people wanted to see, the chef was adorable really.

----

MEANWHILE

Hat, started down the stairs calling out as he adjusted his jacket making sure it was on straight and he looked pristine

“Fives! Prepare something for…”

His voice trailed off as he entered the Galley with a large smile that fell immediately at finding Demencia, cheeks full of prisoner Five Zero Five’s cookies, (how that man managed to bake on this ship was still a mystery) a man whom he’d recruited to work on his vessel.

So.Where.Was.He.

Inhaling, fists clenched a growl leaving him as his eye turned crimson and black.

“Where is Five, Zero Five?”

He ground out between clenched fangs, oh he bloody well knew exactly where he was, but asked none the less, just in case there was a small possibility it was not with his merman.

“Absolutely not with the fish man.”

She returned stuffing another cookie in her mouth, so gooey, so good, no wonder Hat hired Fives.

“Think he said something about doing some midnight fishing, funny really he left with a bucket of fish.”

The demons expression turned deadpan, she wasn’t trying hard to cover up the fact that she was completely lying.

“Demencia my dear, do tell me the truth-“

His expression changing from sweet to livid

“-Before I tear out your spine and feed it to you!”

She only smiled and swallowed her mouthful of food.

“You convinced me gorgeous, he wanted to feed Fluggy, he didn’t like that you were starving him.”

Black Hat went still, so that idiot had realised before even he had…well of course he refused to ever admit that he’d forgotten that the merman actually needed food to survive.

“You know, if you let me blow your cannon I could help you calm down.”

“I…perhaps later, if you are feeling up to being watched over, by my personal guest.”

Thinking momentarily that would deter her he then internally face palmed, no wait this was Demencia he was thinking of, bloody woman was an unstoppable force, it wasn’t as if they hadn’t physically been together before though.

“Sounds like a date! Haven’t you got a chef you need to tear into pieces?”

The Pirate King exhaled and walked over, sitting on the table in front of her, feet resting on the seat she was on at either side of her hips, he was not quite prepared for Flug to see just how he was when furious, speaking plainly

“Better yet why not just do it here soil his precious Galley... also you realise, I do not love you.”

“Oh you idiot who said anything about love, I have no time for that crap, you’re just the hottest shit on this ship!”

Demencia scoffed, somewhat surprised Her Jefe had felt the need to mention love at all, eating another cookie, her hand on his knee a distinct swallowing sound with a smile, just because she was a woman, did not mean she could not enjoy sex without strings attached, she was happy with life as it was thank you!

“Why don’t we have a little wager, on the bag boy?”

“What kind?”

Hat asked; weary of what she might come up with.

“Oh nothing serious, if he’s cute you gotta tell him you messed up and actually forgot to feed him.”

Black Hat spluttered; she was more observant than he gave credit for sometimes that was for damn sure.

“And…if he is not?”

The demon enquired.

“If he’s not I will personally swab the deck myself with a toothbrush.”

He sighed, fine that wasn’t a half bad wager, he almost hoped it was a wreck under that sack Flug wore just to see Demencia actually do that and so he wouldn’t have to feel like a complete moron in having to admit he had not fed him simply because it had not occurred to him that he needed to.

“Alright, I accept your terms…now are you going to carry on?”

“Of course, are you going to mewl Flug again?”

“And if I do?”

“Oh nothing…I actually enjoy seeing you completely melt at the thought of ramming him, oh ho unless you want your merman to ram you!”

Black Hats first mate was grinning while working his clothing, she couldn’t help but smirk, King of the seven seas wanted tail he could not get, pfft at least not yet, Flugs level of stubborn was clearly him denying he had any feeling for this idiot In front of her.

“Just shut up and get on with it woman.”

“Oh, you’re so romantic.”

SOMETIME LATER

Black Hat had a shoulder leaning on a wall belonging to the outside of his Cabin, arms folded against his chest; he did feel calmer, though still envious, so the merman could speak hm?

The door creaked open slightly, obviously Fives was trying to sneak out and doing a poor job of it in his opinion, he kept in the shadows, watching him, listening to his soft thudding footsteps , hushed goodbyes and the light jostling of fish bones in that metal bucket, a wooden one would have been better if you were attempting to go unheard, but then again no one could say Fives was the brightest of the lot…and urgh he’d be smelling him in there for days now, not that it was pungent, more that it was a reminder that he had been letting Flug starve and not even realising it...and that he would talk to anyone but him.

Slipping in through the partially open door, he’d arrived just in time to see the intricate patterns on his merman's tail die down, barely catching a glimpse of his intricate light show, even his soft glow on his torso had vanished before having a chance to really admire its beauty.

Flug's back was turned to him, which meant the Pirate King could not see his face as he pulled on the burlap sack, the merman heard a slight sound and cheerily started

“Oh Fives, did you forget some-“

Turning, he was now face to face with Black Hat who was mere inches away from him in the darkness where only the silver moon broke through the pitch black of the Pirate kings room, Flug whimpered softly, the sack was caught on an ear fin, trying desperately to pull the bag down his fin started tearing a little, a cry leaving him as Black Hat stared, he knew that look, a predator who wanted nothing more than to devour what was before them.

Hat, wanted to do nothing more than to rip that damn thing off him, look on that hidden face that his CHEF of all people had seen, now though after he and Demencia had used each other for their personal interests, to vent out his own need of this creature, the demon felt it was an undeserved privilege…no doubt Flug could smell her on him.

Reaching out, noticing how he flinched, Black, carefully unhooked the tie that was caught on him from his mask, helping to carefully pull the bag down, his palm brushing along his jaw line a soft gasp escaping Flug he pressed to it a little, there was a moment where Black Hat actually believed something shifted between them, his merman might speak, if only to say thank you, it was then of course he heard a faint sniffing sound and watched him move to the back of the tank, defensively pulling the bag down tighter as if it would keep him far, far away.

Sinking to the bottom of the tank once more in his curled up position, back to his captor as per usual.

This moment confirmed something for the King, the merman did harbour feelings of some other kind besides hate, the demon of course would not press the matter at this time, it seemed even his soul mark was whining at the sight of him trying to get so far away.

“Good Night, Acylius.”

He whispered softly.

Flug bristled, so he’d heard him tell Fives his first name, did it have to roll so beautifully off his tongue.

(I have another blind au in the works, coffee one I need to type up and perhaps even pieces of asylum au I have rped with a friend and have their permission to use.)

[justonemun]

Do you have a ranking of the dhmis teachers?

*cracks knuckles* okay gang the way we’re gonna do this is I’m going to rank all 7 teachers (considering Healthy Band as a unit here) in a few categories, and add them out to see who’s best of the best. a ranking of 1 is the best, 7 is the worst. Lower score is better.

The categories I chose are:

Their song - this is a fundamental of both the YouTube Series and the pilot. You better have a good one if you want to rank high!

How dangerous/scary they are - Gore/Horror is equally important to DHMIS, perhaps more so than singing! 

How cute they are - Despite how scary/dangerous being a category, we’re talking about puppets here. The art style of DHMIS is intentionally cute/childish to create a tension between subject and presentation. 

How good is their song? 

Tony - Finishes his song, solid vocal range, easy to get in your head, can anything really beat “-But look, a computer! Everything’s cool, it’s the future!”

Sketchbook - Sketch is also a solid singer, and their song gets in my head really easily, but it’s just not as vocally impressive as Tony’s singing.

Shrignold - Shrig gets the benefit of production value in his episode. The instrumental accompaniment is stellar, but it’s nowhere near as easy to get in your head as Sketch or Tony’s lesson. 

Key - Key gets major brownie points for kickass animation during his singing, though Red interrupts him so he’s not able to finish. Good song, not too memorable, if it weren’t for the animation. 

Colin - What a great song! I wish he’d finished it :( Also love the line “clever smart boy like me”. I love you Colin, never change.

Healthy Band - Bless their hearts, they really tried, but their song just really wasn’t there. That being said, the writing in this episode is the funniest in the series.

Lamp - Interrupted by Red! Rude! Also super repetitive, change it up next time, bud!

How dangerous are they to the students?/Scare factor 

Healthy Band - I don’t want to cross these guys in a dark alley. They mean business. They’re both able to disembowel and eat duck while he’s STILL ALIVE AND CONSCIOUS, but also trick Yellow into eating Duck as well. That’s admirable compared to the other teachers. 

Tony - The ability to age his students to the point of having their flesh fall off their bones is impressive, but not quite up there with forced cannibalism.

Lamp - Though his lessons may take place in dreams, Yellow seems unable to tell the difference between reality and Lamp’s powers of changing in size, manifesting oil, and teleportation within the dream world. 

Key - Key poses no direct physical threat aside from apparently being able to control his students’ bladders(?), but his way with words and quick thinking make him a threat to any unwitting student.

Shrignold - Shrig’s small size and possible lack of powers like the other teachers put him low on the list, but he’s still more than able to misdirect and connive his way into recruiting Yellow into the love cult. That, and he has the apparent backup of both Sketchbook and Tony.

Colin - Colin actively harasses his students once in his lesson by raising his voice. I read the end of his lesson as a glitch that caused an endless loop somewhere in his software, so there is not a great threat to those he teaches even if there is a glitch, as the “digital you” still remains in the real world.

Sketchbook - Love sketch, but they show aversion to the students’ outburst at the end of the video. The most they do is ruin a painting, and that compared to most everything on this list is pretty damn mild. 

Are they cute? 

Sketchbook - I would take a bullet for them no questions asked. Sketch is freakin’ adorable.

Colin - A very clever and smart boy, whom I love dearly. Digital Colin is a blessing.

Lamp - Have you ever seen how tiny lamp is?? It’s very cute.

Tony - Ranks above Healthy Band solely for the future and past segments. Can’t get enough of those animations! 

Healthy Band - As a whole, Healthy band is made significantly cuter by Bread Boy and Spinach. Watch Spinach dance around during 5 and you will not be disappointed. 

Shrignold - His puppet is a little uncanny valley for me, but I still love him nonetheless.

Key - bastard. Don’t get me wrong, I love this puppet’s design but he’s not cute lol

Grand Total

TONY - 7

SKETCHBOOK - 10

HEALTHY BAND - 12

COLIN - 13 (above Lamp because he placed above him in 2/3 categories)

LAMP - 13

SHRIGNOLD - 14

KEY -15

[kokorodachidanii]

Wreaths to all!! Save WOY!!! I drew this with a mouse, so forgive me for this curves lines   〒▽〒

[kokorodachidanii]

Adorable HC that no one asked for

Something the So-and-So has a younger cousin named Whatzit who was orphaned in a Dominator attack and lives on the not-so-secret-anymore planet with her cousin and aunt

(hidden beneath all that candy is her beloved pet Mr Fluffle, basically a cute lil’ blue puffball with horns who rationally worships Captain Tim)

She’s roughly the same age/height as Westley, Olive and Angela, but feels highly responsible for poor ol’ Something (“What kinda villain uniform is that!? This is exactly why you shoulda stayed in school! Oh and by the way the fact that you’ve avoided death this far in life is only ’cause of me and Auntie, therefore I expect a thank you card on my birthday for goin’ the extra mile to deal with you and your flabdrassery!!”)

[kokorodachidanii]

(They’ve already got Hater’s invitation ready for him)