#lalli turned way too tiny in the last panel

[artfighter]

[wilwywaylan]

Here’s to pretty boys who went to our beds

Fandom : Stand Still Stay Silent

Canon-compliant, post-Adventure 1, Emil x Lalli, 5104 words, gen / K+

Béta-ed by the amazing @paon-de-jour​ ♥♥

Emil just wanted a bed for himself and some peace, but Lalli has other plans...

Please pretend that they stayed one night in town before leaving for Reynir’s place.

Also on AO3 !

-

Emil looked around the room, appraising each and every minute detail. It was nothing more than a small, square space, with a single person bed, a small nightstand that had seen better days, and a giant dresser that dwarfed the whole room. Impression made even stronger by the wooden floor and panelling that tried to pass as dark and polished, but was certainly black due to old age. The only fanciness came from paper-thin drapes hanging in front of the tiny window, and a copper lamp set on the nightstand. Emil could maybe have tried to get something a little better, but the cost would certainly have climbed to high heavens, and he wasn't even sure there was anything better in that hotel. And after months spent in cramped spaces with no privacy, way too much noise, and sometimes no walls, it felt more welcoming that any house Emil had ever set foot in.

He set his bag at the foot of the bed - the room was so narrow that it ate almost all the space between the furniture and the wall - but right now, the only thing that mattered was the mattress, and a great question : would it be comfortable, or hard as a plank ? He sat down, carefully. And promptly let himself fall backwards. Oh, it was comfortable. It was better than comfortable. It was soft, it was sinful, it was heavenly. It sank under him, hugging his body in a warm embrace. What was in it, Emil didn't know. Feathers, straw... didn't matter. But it was nice. It was perfect.

He quickly undressed, setting his clothes at the end of the bed, and slid under the - soft, heavy, warm - blankets. The bedspread on top of them looked handknit - handknit ! Emil burried his face in the pillow that was maybe even softer than the mattress, breathed in the smell of soap and something that was certainly not that of a pillowcase that hadn't been washed for months. He didn't want to leave, ever. No way he could go back to a measly cot in a boat or a tank. He burrowed a little deeper under the covers, enjoying the warmth, and the quiet. After months locked in a metal can or being in the wild every night , the silence of the night was almost deafening. No motor noises to keep him awake, no cat stepping on every bed in the middle of the night, no crew mates to fill the air with random sighs (Tuuri), grunts (Mikkel), mumbles (Reynir and Sigrid) or all those mixed with tossing and turning (Lalli). Nothing but the cracks of the rafters over his head, and a gust of wind from time to time, gently whistling around the building, rattling the shutters against the wall. Any other time, he would have got up to secure them and stop that noise, but the effort needed was way too important right now. Already, his eyes were closing, his body was getting heavier and heavier. Before he could muster the energy to get up, he had fallen prey to sleep.

To shoot up only an hour later, heart knocking against his ribs. That last crack hadn't come from above like the others, but somewhere from his left. Something was out there, something that could catch him at any time, and he had fallen asleep like an idiot, without a vigil, and he had discarded his weapons, oh no where were they, he only had a few seconds before...

The shutter rattled again, managing to cut through the rising panic and bring him back to his senses. There was no troll, or giant, or any creature prowling in the dark. He was not outside in the Silent World, but in a small hotel in a secure town, in a regular bed, with a roof over his head and a hefty meal in his stomach. There was no weapon beside his bed, because there was no need. He was safe.

But that didn't explain the crack that had woke him up. And another, even closer. Troll or not, something was coming nearer. Emil patted the nightstand, trying to find the copper lamp and a way to light it, when something landed on the bed, sinking the mattress.

If someone had asked him under oath to tell the truth, Emil would still deny that he let out anything else than a small noise, and certainly not a piercing shriek. Something knocked him lightly on the side of the head.

- Stop, stupid.

Emil's heart jumped once more, but it was more surprise than fear. Now that he'd grown accustomed to the darkness, he could vaguely see a human-shaped shadow beside him. A human-shaped with silvery hair barely visible and large, blue eyes, faintly glowing in the darkness.

- Lalli ? What are you doing here ?

Emil realized then that he had spoken entirely in Swedish, and probably too fast for Lalli to grasp what he was saying. But his point seemed to reach him, because he said, with a gesture that could have been a shrug :

- Tired. Sleep.

The words took two seconds to make their way through the fog of sleep still wrapped around Emil's thoughts, and not just because of Lalli's accent. In fact, it had got a little better lately, better at least than Emil's Finnish. But good Swedish or not, there was no reasons he cound envision that would bring the mage on his bed in the middle of the night. Maybe it was another trick of his mind, like imagining Lalli in his dreams. If it had been a trick, which wasn't neither here nor there.

Lalli must have grown impatient, because he pushed him aside. Or tried to, but his arms weren't strong enough to do more than move Emil an inch to the right. At least it made his intentions crystal clear, which only served to confuse Emil even more. He couldn't remember when or if he'd ever seen Lalli sleep in a bed in a normal way, only under beds, in small spaces, or curled up in a seat in a way oddly reminiscent of a cat. But in a bed ? No, never. Which made even more puzzling the fact that not only he wanted a bed, but he seemed to have set his mind on Emil's bed. It... didn't make sense. Not at all.

- Lalli, Emil said cautiously, this is my bed, and...

- I know. Move.

- You don't have a room ? Didn't Onni...?

Lalli scoffed at the suggestion.

- Move, he repeated.

Emil could have thrown him out. He could have nicely suggested that he went back to his own room to enjoy his probably-as-comfortable bed or his probably-not-as-comfortable floor under said bed, or a tent shared with his cousin, or wherever he wanted to spend the night. He could have defended his right to his own bed after months of rooming with the noisiest roommates in the world. He deserved it, dammit ! He had earned it !

Instead, he laid down again and moved against the wall, leaving some space. Not much, it was still a single-person bed, and not a very large at that. He was expecting Lalli to lie down beside him, like they had done every time they had shared their sleeping quarters. At least the Finn didn't take too much space, built as he was, as long as he didn't flap around too much. He certainly didn't expect Lalli to just pull the covers and flop down. On him. His head hit Emil on the chest, knocking the wind out of him and effectively cutting down on all his protestations. In the several seconds it took for him to get his breath back, Lalli had settled on him, one leg thrown over Emil's and an arm around his waist. His head nestled on Emil's shoulder, moving a little to make himself more comfortable. And he stayed like this, perfectly happy with the situation.

Which wasn't Emil's case. Not that he was complaining, but... Okay, he should be complaining, a lot. Saying something, anything, because this certainly wasn't normal. There wasn't any way Lalli was right now lying on top of him like he was just another pillow, not flinching away from the contact. It was just a dream. That, or Lalli was very, very drunk. And, then, it was very, very bad of Emil to get any enjoyment from the situation. He needed to do the right thing, before Lalli came back to his senses and killed him very gruesomely.

Carefully, Emil extracted his hand from where it was stuck, between the mattress and the wall, and shook Lalli's shoulder. He was immediatly swatted at.

- Stop, Lalli growled.

- You're not... Emil started, but he couldn't get farther.

- Tired. I sleep. Talk in morning.

His voice seemed assured enough for him not to be drunk, and enough also for Emil to guess that he wasn't going to move anytime soon. Emil could have moved him himself, rolled him out of bed and in the hallway, leave him to find his way back to his room on his own. But he didn't.

Instead, he did his best to make himself as comfortable as possible. It was made a bit easier by Lalli lying on top of him instead of beside him, leaving him a bit more space. And a lot, a whole lot harder by everything else. First, because nothing, be it in the army or during their little expedition, could have help him get ready for someone sleeping on him. It was... weird. He knew how heavy Lalli was (which was, not a lot), he'd carried him or dragged him around enough to know it. But right now, he was heavy enough to pin him to the mattress, keeping him where he was with no chance of escape.

Second, because Lalli was, there was no other way to put it, pointy. His cheekbone was digging in Emil's collarbone, painfully pressing against it each time he moved. His shoulder was tightly squashed against Emil's, and his knee was poking him in the thigh. He'd probably have bruises in the morning, he thought a little bitterly.

And third, because it was starting to be uncomfortably hot under the blankets. Lalli's body was giving an impressive amouth of warmth, and wrapped as he was around Emil, he was acting like some kind of weirdly shaped comforter. Except for his feet, which were still ice cold, and pressed against Emil's legs to warm them. Leaving, of course, two freezing spots on his skin.

Still, Emil didn't even try to make their respective positions better, only pushed the blankets down a little, burrowed his head in the pillow that Lalli had left him, and closed his eyes. But even exhausted as he was, sleep evaded him. He could feel minutes pass, one by one, jumping lightly over him, his eyelids growing heavy... but still, he was wide awake, glaring in the darkness at the ceiling he couldn't see. Come on, he had managed to sleep through the noise of the tank, the snores of three-to-five people (depending on the night), being chased by monsters, and now, such a minor inconvenience would be too much for him to sleep through ? Nonsense !

But could he really put Lalli down as an annoyance ? Granted, he was annoyed, yes. That he couldn't get the privacy and full bed he had been yearning so much after. But as the minutes passed one by one, slowly becoming an hour, Emil realized that he cared less and less about it. Maybe he was finally falling asleep. Or maybe he just couldn't stay mad at Lalli for more than a few minutes. Even at his worse behavior (the breakfast incident was coming to mind), Emil kept coming back to him, trying to make himself understand, and to break the icy demeanor. Well, it seemed to have worked wonderfully, if their position was anything to go by.

The Finn didn't seem to have the same hang-ups as he did, and had fallen asleep. His breath was even, and the grasp around Emil had relaxed a little. He didn't seem disturbed by the situation. The situation he'd orchestrated and that was entirely his doing, okay. But still. For someone who was so skittish and only slept in closed spaces, he looked perfectly fine sleeping in the open, in such proximity of someone whom he could barely communicate with out of the dream realm. Very unaware or uncaring of the predicament he had just thrown Emil in. Was he even conscious of it ? Or did he just get so used to sharing sleeping quarters that he just didn't realize how someone would feel in this situation ?

Because he was feeling weird, and it had nothing (next-to-nothing) to do with the normal weirdness of the situation. Unless feeling one's cheeks burn and one's pulse running fast were usual symptoms of having one's private space invaded. His heart was beating wildly against his ribs, so hard that Lalli would surely hear it and wake up. And then call him stupid. Which seem to be more and more common, these days. Not the stupid-calling part, even if Lalli still used the word a great deal.

He hadn't thought that much, at the start. Since the first days of the expedition, he'd taken an interest in Lalli. Maybe because the mage was intriguing, with his weird manierisms, his distant attitude and his piercing eyes. Maybe because he was aloof, and being ignored didn't stand well with Emil. He had tried his best, trying to get to him, seeking his attention, talking to him despite the barrier language, getting only weird glances and muttered groans for his efforts. But they had grown closer, slightly. The pull had grown stronger, keeping Emil drawn to Lalli, more and more, and Lalli, in turn, became a little less cold, a little... friendlier, even ?

And when he was around him, when he managed to make him lose the glum expression, even for half a second, even just a slight quirk of the lips, when Lalli let his shields down around him and acted a little more comfortable, Emil's heart started beating a little faster, and he felt... strange. The first time, he had thought he had caught a fever, and actually started checking everywhere he could if he wasn't developping the first traces of the Rash, even knowing very well that he was immune. But there was nothing, and the feeling had receeded. At the time, he had felt relieved. Until Lalli almost-smiled at him, and it came back, the heart, the heat, and clammy hands at the same time. And again, and again, until Emil started to see a pattern. It was Lalli. A Lalli-induced fever. That was stupid, but he couldn't deny the link. And still, he kept seeking Lalli's presence, because being with Lalli made him feel weird, but there was also a feeling of elatement when he could reach him, a rush of energy that made him smile no matter what.

And then, of course, the whole dreamscape adventure happened. It had been weird, to be suddenly able to communicate with Lalli perfectly. To discover that the Finn was way less silent and drawn than Emil had first thought, quite sarcastic, even, and seemed very perfectly comfortable with sharing a space with him. It had been fun, in a way, enjoyable, even, to spend time together, to chat like that, and Emil did regret not being able to do it anymore.

(His mind carefully danced around the events that led to said dreamscape adventure, pushing aside the fear at being lost far away from the others, at seeing Lalli's lifeless body, the low-key despair of dragging said body across a snowy waistland without a hint of relief in sight, the pain in his arms, his legs, his head, burning and freezing, the hunger, and the loneliness, and above all, the terror, neverending, squeezing his heart, and him counting the steps as not to think about what would happen sooner or later, counting the steps at day and Lalli's breaths at night, scared of them stopping and not going again...)

Maybe that was the reason of Lalli's presence right now. A way of thanking him for not abandonning him to the dusklings or in the middle of the snow, of taking care of him even in the face of impending death. Had he caught on Emil's efforts, or maybe those feelings that even he couldn't put a name on, that made him seek the Finn through his worst moods and stay with him no matter what ? Did he see his presence tonight, the was he was holding on Emil, as some kind of... reward ? A way of getting even ?

Emil's chest suddenly felt tight, and a sharp pain on the side made him wince. No, that could be possible, he didn't want to even entertain the thought. Lalli didn't just decide to come and sleep in his bed just in exchange for saving his life, like he would have bought him dinner or a trinket or something. He would certainly have retorted that Emil did choose to help him and besides, he had already thanked him. And they had saved each other's lives enough by now not to think that one needed to find a way to thank the other. No, it wasn't just some kind of weird, emotionless transaction. It couldn't be ! He didn't want it to be ! He didn't want it to be just give and take. He wanted it to be as meaningful for Lalli as it was for him. He wanted Lalli to want to be with him, to seek his companionship as Emil seeked his. He wanted Lalli to appreciate him. To like him. And the weight of that realization was as crushing as the one on his chest.

Lalli suddenly stirred, his arm tightening around Emil. His foot shot up, hitting him in the shin and made him yelp. The noise didn't wake Lalli up, but he started trashing around, his hand reaching up to grab at his hair and pull. All idea of sleep left Emil's mind ; Lalli's nightmares usually meant troubles incoming, and incoming fast. He listened intently, trying to pick on anything that would mean troubles, a noise, a signal, anything. But the night was silent, beside the small rustling of the blanket and the strangled whines ripped out of Lalli's throat.

A pitpating outside the door drew Emil's attention. Cat paws. A cat was going down the hallway. And it didn't seem to hurry in any way. Which meant that there wasn't any danger around. Good. Then Lalli's nightmare was just that, a nightmare. This came as no surprise for Emil ; with everything he'd seen and been through, it was even a wonder that he had been able to fall asleep. He'd probably had nightmares every night since he'd managed to get out of the dream world, and even before. And he had had to deal with them alone, without anyone to help. Not that Emil knew how to help someone he could barely have a conversation with, especially when one was awake and couldn't get into the dreamscape. And Lalli hadn't shown a thing to anyone, dealing alone with hurt and fear. It hurt, it hurt a lot to think of his friend having to go through it alone.

Gently, Emil laid a hand on Lalli's forehead, slid it over his eyes. It had worked, that time, in the cat tank, and it worked again. Lalli emited a low noise, that "mrrp" that sounded so much like a cat purring, and relaxed. His hand opened slightly, the fingers still curling around Emil's collar. His breath evened out, stroking Emil's throat, making him shiver, but he didn't push him or turn away. It was a mark that Lalli's sleep had become peaceful again, at least for the time being. It made Emil smile, to see that he could still be of help for Lalli. Of course, he wouldn't be able to do that every night, unless they slept in close quarters on the regular again, like they did in the wild, or shared...

Emil shook his head to push the idea out of his mind. Not because it was in direct opposition with what he wanted (privacy, a bed just for him), but because it made him feel strangely... giddy. No, he didn't want that ! He wanted his comfort, he wanted to be left alone ! But even as he tried to focus on this, on a bed larger and larger each time, he didn't feel as elated as he was previously. He was trying to picture the numerous pillows and the heavy comforter, when Lalli moved a little against him, mrrping again, and Emil immediatly forgot about his plans.

Very gently, he unstuck his arm from where it was caught under Lalli, and brought him around the Finn's shoulders to pull him a little closer. He didn't dare turning on his side and holding him fully. Even now, he wasn't sure of how much exactly Lalli would accept from him, and he didn't want to start pushing him too far. Especially not now, when he was sleeping and could not agree or disagree. So he stayed as he was, enjoying the warmth of Lalli against him, the lull of his breath and the low sighs he gave here and there. The awkwardness had dissipated, leaving him with contentment, and horribly exhausted. But it didn't matter if he could stay like this, Lalli's head on his shoulder and his arm around his waist, safe against him.

That's how sleep claimed him, holding Lalli, the blankets tight around them like a cocoon, keeping them close.

--

Emil awoke with a start. He'd been sleeping so peacefully, perfectly settled in his bed, when the shutters had slammed together with a bang. He sat up, heart beating wildly. It took him a second to remember where he was and what he was doing here. Sleeping, right. Enjoying the real bed with a real mattress. Spending a real, restful night in a real room. He let himself fall down, relishing in the dip under him. He spread his arms, almost hitting the wall in the process, and let himself drift away again.

Wait.

There was something wrong with the picture. He hadn't laid like that last night, occupying all the space he could, because there was no space to speak of, courtesy of Lalli. He could still remember the Finn's weight on his shoulder and how his arm had grasped him around the waist. But there was no trace of Lalli in the room bathed by the early morning light. No warmth beside him, no footprints on the floorboards, nothing. Like he had vanished into thin air. Or rather, abandonned ship as soon as he could.

Emil tried not to feel too disappointed at the thought, but he could have guess it would end like this. Lalli may have looked for a place to sleep, but it was on his terms. Being held too close by Emil certainly didn't factor in his decision, and he probably had run as soon as he realized their closeness. He probably hated him for catching him in such a position, now, and he would certainly never talk to him again. Not that Emil minded, of course. His bed would be his and his alone.

... oh, who was he trying to kid ? Of course, he would mind ! He had made so many efforts to get closer to Lalli, and he had thrown everything out the window because he couldn't keep his hands to himself. Stupid. Lalli was right. Stupid, stupid Emil ! He would have slapped himself, hadn't he been afraid of leaving marks on his cheeks. Maybe he could fix it by going into the dreamspace and explain everything to Lalli ? But one needed to be asleep for that, and he certainly wasn't ready to go back to sleep. Not to mention Lalli was awake, and wouldn't be there. Solace wouldn't come from there. He needed to find a way to apologize, and to apologize well, or Lalli would surely hate him forever.

The door opened, and Lalli walked in, a large serving of cookies in hand. He sat on the bed, plate balanced on one pointy knee, and started eating. Emil stared at him, bewildered. Here he was, trying not to feel like his heart was ripped out of his chest, and Lalli was just munching on his cookies like he didn't have a care in the world, like nothing had happened ! How could he ! Damn bloody Finn !

Lalli must have sensed Emil's eyes on him, because he suddenly turned towards him.

- What ?

Emil scrambled to find something to say something that Lalli would get.

- Last night... he started.

And stopped, because what could you add to that ? "Why did you decide to sleep in my bed and also cuddle with me like some kind of very big cat, and also I liked that because I've just realized I like you and it felt very good" ? First, he didn't know how to say that in Finnish, he had barely reached "good night", and Lalli's Swedish was only a smidge better. Second, because he wasn't sure this wouldn't get him on the business end of Lalli's knife. Or worse, rifle. In fact, he didn't know which option he prefered, because Lalli was deadly with both.

- What ? Lalli repeated, in the same tone.

He was expecting an answer, and probably wouldn't let him until he got it.

- Last night, Emil tried again. You.... angry ?

Lalli stared at him for a few seconds.

- No, he finally answered with a frown. Tired. Not angry.

- No, no, I mean... You know... the...

The words were evading him, so Emil made a tentative gesture of hugging someone. Lalli kept staring, in the same way he did that first time on the train, the one that made Emil shiver, head tilted on the side like a curious cat.

- No, he suddenly said.

And he went back to eat his cookies, while Emil wondered if one could die of a mix of embarrasment, anger and frustration. He certainly felt like it. But still, he refrained from screaming, pushing Lalli on the floor or grab the pillow and deck him on the head. That would certainly get him punched or worse.

- You didn't ? I mean... you're not... angry ? with ?

- No.

It was a little louder, and Emil got the message. With a sigh, he moved against the headboard and leaned his head against it, closing his eyes. Good, Lalli wasn't angry against him. And still, he couldn't help but feel a little... disappointed ? Because Lalli hadn't mentionned anything about his reasons, or would he do it again, or... anything, really. And certainly nothing about doing it again sometimes. And it would have been a lie to say that it didn't hurt a little to see him so... aloof again, like it didn't hold any meaning for him.

The mattress moved, and he opened his eyes, expecting Lalli to have grown tired of his silence and apparent moodiness and left. Instead, the Finn had come to sit beside him, the now half-empty plate still on his lap. They were so close that their shoulders were touching, and their legs pressed together, lightning each and every nerve of Emil's on fire. He didn't dare looking in Lalli's direction, didn't even dare breathing, less the moment be broken. Twenty-four hours ago, he was considering being able to have a conversation with Lalli the biggest step in their friendship. But in the last eight hours, Lalli had come in close contact with him, willingly, not once, but twice, and had told him he wasn't angry at being held through the night. From him, that was a great leap, and Emil tried very hard not to dwell on it too much, lest his heart start running way too fast again. He tried to focus on something, anything, how many explosives he should buy later, and how Reynir's hair was still a mess, everything to forget their closeness, but every thought was shattered each time Lalli moved and his leg brushed against his, turning his brain into mush.

Emil suddenly realized that Lalli seemed to be inching towards him. While two minutes ago, their knees and shoulders were barely touching, Lalli's hip was now against his, pointy as ever, digging into his own luckily protected by the waistband of his pants. And he didn't seem bothered by it. Granted, he still had a plate of cookies to distract him from the issue, but still. Emil knew him enough to know that food wouldn't be enough if he was really upset or uncomfortable.

On a whim, he unstuck his arm from between them, and carefully slid it behind Lalli. The Finn glanced at him, but otherwise didn't move. Fine. So far. Now, the most difficult part. Slowly, Emil lowered his hand, put it around Lalli's shoulder. This time, the chewing stopped.

- Does it... can I ? Okay ? Emil quickly asked. I should have asked before but... I... okay ?

There was an uncomfortable silence, long enough for Emil to start regretting everything he ever did wrong in his life, which seemed like a lot. He wanted to take his hand away, but maybe it would have been worse. Lalli was now looking at him, and there was something in his eyes (weird, unreadable, beautiful) that made Emil want to run away, or maybe stay where he was forever. But finally, Lalli broke the spell.

- Okay, he simply said.

It was just a word, but one that set Emil's heart to fly. He could feel his face break into the widest grin. Lalli didn't comment on anything, but he held out the plate, offering him one of the remaining cookies. Emil took it and munched happily on it. He didn't know exactly why Lalli did agree to that, why he was now standing so close to him, and there was still the why of his presence this night. All those points were starting to trace a pattern pointing in a satisfying direction, but he didn't want to think too much about it. Just staying like this was enough for him, and for Lalli too, he hoped. Maybe he could ask him later, when they both shared the dreamscape again. But for now, this was enough. And maybe, the next night, Lalli would come and steal his bed again. Emil was certainly looking up to that.