#lady tortilla chip

[syn0vial]

me, incredibly apathetic towards jedi but always happy when clones get nice things, whenever codywan content crosses my dash:

[iturmom]

there is nothing like a homemade flour tortilla to cure what ails you 😭

[thoodleoo]

man i know i talk a lot about about relating to ancient artifacts but really is there anything more beautiful or relatable than the sleeping lady of malta. we don't really know what she means. is she a goddess? does she represent death? is she truly just asleep? but at the end of the day it doesn't really matter, because she looks exactly like me drunkenly lying on the couch eating tortilla chips while i watch reruns of diners drive-ins and dives

[formerlympp]

happy belated birthday

“Happy belated birthday, Lily!”

“We wish we could have celebrated last week—”

“No more apologies!” Lily said firmly. “You are ruining the fun!”

“Sorry.”

Truthfully, Lily had been a little sad that most of her friends were unavailable to hang out on her actual birthday the previous weekend, but she certainly wasn’t angry about it. They were all in their thirties after all, and being an adult put a damper in most things, but especially, she discovered, birthdays.

They’d more than made up for it tonight, however, having spent the evening at a fabulous Italian restaurant before retreating back to Lily’s flat for cake, snacks, and buckets of alcohol. Lily already knew she’d be paying for the two glasses of wine at dinner and decided if her Sunday would be spent nursing a hangover, she may as well ply herself with margaritas and make it worthwhile.

She was sipping her third in between bites of her birthday cake—an unpleasant mixture with more sober taste buds, surely—when the doorbell rang.

“I’ll get it!” Mary cried out, jumping unsteadily to her feet before Lily even sat down her plate.

“Don’t tell me you ordered more food, Mary! We’ve already eaten our body weight in tortilla chips and salsa, not to mention—”

But Mary was out of sight without replying and Lily’s interest left with her brunette friend. It didn’t take long for Mary to return, though when she reappeared, she had a tall man—a man dressed as a firefighter—following behind her.

“Look what I happened to find!” Mary announced loudly, gaining the attention of all the girls in the group. “Is it getting hot in here—?”

The sudden uproar of her friends nearly startled Lily into dropping her drink. A couple of her friends ran quickly to the kitchen, empty glasses clutched in their hands, nearly knocking over another couple of women who were digging through their bags, searching for something…

And then Lily realized what she would have spotted immediately in sobriety.

“Mary… Mary, you didn’t!”

Mary, looking quite pleased with herself, was about to reply, when a second man came into view behind the first and stole her attention.

“Two?!” came a gleefully tipsy whoop from somewhere behind Lily.

“What’s this?” the second man said. “What’s the emergency, James?”

“Oh, they’re in character,” Mary announced to the room.

“We’re in what—?”

The first man, James evidently, swore loudly before turning to the man behind him and urgently saying something in a low voice. Suddenly the second man let out a bark of laughter before backing out of the room. His laughter continued even after he’d ducked out of site.

“Look, there’s been a mistake,” the man called James began, casting an uneasy look at Mary and then behind his shoulder.

“It’s quite all right,” Mary said in her most assuring voice. “I only ordered one, but we’ll pay both of you, not to worry. This is Lily—” Mary gestured, “—our lady of honor, tonight—"

His face turned a violent shade of pink, and Lily realized what he was about to say a second before he said it: “No—no. That’s—it’s not that. We’re not strippers. We really are firefighters and came here in response to a call to the station.”

Silence fell over the room at this before the group of girls broke into a furious round of giggles.

“Mary! You called the actual bloody firehouse?”

“This is the last time we put you in charge of anything!”

“Quick, someone snap a picture—”

Mary looked a mixture of embarrassed and deeply amused. “Oh, sod off, all of you!” She rounded on James, who appeared to be trying—and failing—to make himself blend in with the floral wallpaper behind him. “You could make it clearer on the internet, when people search, you know!”

James cleared his throat. “Erm. I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Mary, leave the poor man alone,” Lily said, now rising to her feet, surprisingly steadily, and heading toward the pair. “He’s only trying to do his job. Go have a glass of water, love.” She turned to James and then nodded toward the hallway. “Let's get you out of here.”

He looked relieved at her suggestion and did not linger a moment longer than he had to, not even to say his last piece to Mary, which Lily found commendable. Lily led the firefighter to the front door, but before opening it, turned to face him.

“I’m terribly sorry about the mix-up. I hope we didn’t put you out too much.”

James smiled for first time, seemingly more at ease now that he was away from the rowdiness he’d unexpectedly walked into. “It’s all right. This will make for a good story. Although…” James leaned back to look out the window of her front door before his attention returned to her. “Although I reckon my mate is going to enjoy taking the mick for a while.”

“Nonsense,” Lily said. “Take the ego boost. A bunch of women thought you made a living taking your clothing off.”

He laughed in reply, and Lily enjoyed the sound of it. She wasn’t wrong, he was very nice to look at. Especially a moment later when she was met with a lopsided smile.

“Well, I reckon it’s always good to have a back-up plan if I need a career change.”

“Just keep the outfit, if you can.”

“Yeah?”

She cleared her throat, feeling her cheeks pinken under his focused gaze. “Yeah. You… haven’t you ever heard the saying, women love a man in uniform?”

James laughed again and nodded. “Yeah, I suppose I have. Well look, I’d better go. And you need to get back to… what is it, a hen do?”

“Oh, no, just celebrating my birthday.”

“Really? Well, happy birthday then.”

“Thank you. It’s been an interesting night, to say the least.”

“Well if it gets more interesting in a bad way,” James began, now rummaging around in his coat pocket, “which I hope it doesn’t, mind… you can reach me here.” He proffered a small business card out to her, and she took it without hesitating.

“James Potter… what kind of firefighter carries calling cards on him?”

The lopsided smile returned. “Depending on if I hear from you… the lucky kind, I reckon.”

Lily laughed, tucking the card safely in her hands as James reached for the door. She was going to need to store this card somewhere for her more trustworthy sober self to find in the morning.

“It was nice meeting you… Lily, I believe it was?”

She nodded. “It was nice meeting you, too.”

As she watched the small firetruck drive away, Lily couldn’t help but wonder if she might have just received the best belated birthday gift in her life.

[magicratfingers]

and for the lady we have the chefs choice, which tonight is very special - a savory cereal girl dinner. Here you see a base of soy nuts that the food pantry your mother volunteers at didn’t accept because the expiration date isn’t listed, topped with Trader Joe’s hummus and olive tapenade. A discerning eye might tell by the distinctive shape yes that’s right it is also accented by the leftover shards of nacho tortilla chips for a pleasing autumnal color scheme and a variety of textures and mouthfeels

[umthisistheonlyusernamenottaken]

WRITERS, FRIENDS, MUTUALS. I need to know because I'm nosy,

Reblog and show me what your handwriting looks like now in present day!

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[k-marzolf]

I’m gonna live forever;

title inspired by Irene Cara’s song Fame.

cw; hit man!Billy Russo, ADHD coded reader, kissing, a hint at Billy’s darker side, fem!reader.

summary; Billy is your neighbor that you’re enamored with, but what secrets is he hiding?

tagging; @terry2227 @kayhi808 @e-dubbc11 @bookloverfilmoholic @aoi-targaryen @firequeensposts @oops89 @thejanecampaign @littleblackcatinwonderland @zz-kennedy @fictional-hooman @cant-help-simping @tortilla-chips-and-allioli @fireeyes-on-teller-dixon-grimes @danzer8705 @firexfate @rosaleenablack @idaofinfinity @russosafehaven @vaguekayla

&&&&&&

You see him with her in the drink aisle; she’s flirting as he grabs your favorite wine, and puts it in the cart. You feel the sting of jealousy; she’s beautiful.

She was like Snow White, or maybe some Twilight vampire, minus the sparkling. A Volturi member, ready to kill you for your blood. Or maybe—a fairy but ones with claws, and fangs. A human—you stop yourself as you go on yet another tangent.

You look down at yourself in your sweatpants and one of his PT shirts you’d swiped. You made a habit of stealing his clothes like a little gnome, they were comfortable. And they smelled like him. You casually make your way over, missing the way his eyes light up when he sees you.

You know your neighbor isn’t yours, but god you want him to be. Karen had seen him twirling you around in the hallway, with a glass of wine in your hands, somehow not spilling.

“I got the better wine.” He had husked in your ear, opening his apartment door.

“Are you sayin’ I have cheap wine, sir?” You had huffed.

He hummed, “‘I’m trying to catch a fairy.” He said, breath tickling your ear.

You had stumbled forward, nearly spilling the wine.

He laughed, “First day on your new legs, Ariel?” He said, helping you into the apartment.

“He’s an asshole, but a beautiful one, isn’t he?”

When you approach, the woman looks at you with disdain. But Billy wraps his arm around you, kissing your mouth, making your cheeks blaze, and eyebrows raise in surprise. “Hey, fairy.” He says, smiling at your wide eyed expression.

The woman curls her lip glaring at you, before she leaves the two of you. Not a vampire, then. He sighs once she’s gone. “What a pain in the ass. They only ever want my beauty. I’m a goddamn prize to them.” He admits in irritation.

“You could walk around with a bag over your head. Like Scarecrow. I’d dress up like Batman, too. You know, so you won’t be alone. Or a pumpkin like the headless horseman. We could put LED lights inside to give it the murder kitten vibe, and I could be Ichabod Crane, or—” You ramble, the train wreck gaining speed.

He cuts you off, kissing you mouth, tasting your iced coffee, and you make a surprised noise in the back of your throat.

He looks at you as he pulls back, and gives you a boyish grin, making butterflies erupt in your belly. “Wanna get some wine and snacks?” He asks you, pointing to the wine in the cart, enjoying your sweet smile.

“We could have a movie night, we could watch the Terminator, or Alien. Bloodthirsty aliens against a woman and her cat, I’m also not opposed to homicidal dinosaurs, or The Mummy, gets the ancient Egypt nerd in me happy—” You ramble.

Billy grins, cheeks dimpling. “Sounds good, fairy.”

You both agree no to rom-coms (you loathe those, something Karen never understood, “Romance and comedy, what could be better?” She asked you one time. “Criminal Minds. Serial killers and Spencer Reid,” you had deadpanned. Karen had blanched), so you and Billy decided to throw some movies in a bowl, and select one.

Forging relationships has always been difficult, due to you being so ditsy and a chatterbox.

Maybe with Billy, it doesn’t have to be.

x

“Young man?” An older lady stops Billy in his tracks as he moves to climb the stairs. Her hair is graying, and pulled up in a tight bun; she has laugh lines, and her eyes are warm.

“Yeah?” Billy asks, one foot on the step in front of him, body turned.

“Thank you for befriending her. I’ve always worried about how isolated she is. But she seems at ease with you. No one should be alone all the time.” She says, and Billy’s heart aches at the image of you alone with no one.

You peek from the top of the stairs, “Bill?” You say impatiently, giving him golden retriever energy.

“Comin’,” he says, turning back to the lady who shoos him up the stairs.

“What’d she want?” You ask, bouncing on the balls of your feet, noticing an outline of a knife in his combat boot.

Billy ruffles your hair distracting you, “Just worried about you.” He hums, kissing your cheek. “How about that movie night?”

You give him a sweet smile, giggling as he raced you down to the end of the hall where your shared apartment was, carrying chips and salsa.

He was going to steal your heart, you were sure of it.

[sseniita]

father, like daughter

“You’re joking!” The Villain’s daughter said, dangerously holding whatever new monstrous invention she had tinkered up. “That’s Bullshit!” 

The Villain held up two fingers. “That’s two months now, young lady! And I'm taking away your power drill!” The Villain’s daughter turned red with anger as she faced the Hero standing on the other side of kitchen island. 

“Tell him it’s not fair!” She shouted, prompting the Villain to turn towards Hero as well. Hero had come by only to pick up some documents she needed from Villain, she hadn’t expected to play jury.

“Uh. Well- Villain. Maybe you're being too harsh-” Her train of thought derailed at the sight of Villain’s glare only comparable to his daughter’s. “Um…” She quickly put up two fists on her hips and raised her chin. 

“Listen to your father.” Satisfied, the Villain turned to his daughter. 

“Starting an underground weapon market?! What were you thinking? What if you got hurt!? Do you have any idea how traceable PAYPAL is?!” 

“I started doing cash only!” 

“Yes! After Other Villain venmo-ed you 8K!” 

“Exactly! My business is booming! You’re just jealous I’m a better Villain than you.” The Villain chuckled sarcastically. 

“You have no idea what game you’re playing! I’ve been at this for years and never once did I let myself slip or be noticed!” 

“Ugh whatever! No Hero has caught me yet!” 

The Hero tensed- clearing her throat. Both Villain and mini Villain turned to her before quickly facing each other again. 

“I should have Hero arrest you right now!” 

“She would not! It’s been 10 years and she hasn’t even arrested you!” 

“I-” Hero tried to intervene. 

“Exactly! 10 years of seducing Hero and turning her completely complicit. Now that’s villany!” The Hero could only stutter out her beginning to a counterargument. 

“It took you 10 years to seduce her?! Is that really something to be proud of?” 

“Watch it, young lady!” 

“Ok fine! I’ll just seduce Sidekick then!” She pointed her weapon at Hero’s sidekick who had been enjoying the show, hand half into a tortilla chip bag on the Villain's couch. The Sidekick shot a pleading look at Hero, a look she could only shrug at. The Villain’s eyes narrowed. 

“Three months.” 

The Villain’s daughter groaned over exaggeratedly, threw her weapon on the kitchen island and stomped up to her room. 

“And you!” The Villain pointed to Hero’s sidekick. “Get any closer than 20 meters from her, I dare you.” The Sidekick quickly nodded, a deer in the headlights. 

“Yes sir. Of course sir.” Standing up straight. The Villain cringed. 

“Ugh. I can’t even see you right now. Get out.” The villain said, hand to his temple. The Sidekick skipped past the Hero, giving her a nervous smile Hero returned with a roll of her eyes. Before leaving out the door the Sidekick turned back. 

“Actually we had plans Friday night to-” 

“Out!” The Villain yelled, throwing a fork to the door. 

“Yes, of course, Mr. Villain. See ya later. Bye!” he rushed out almost as fast of his words did from his mouth leaving only Hero and Villain amidst the slam of the door. After a sigh left his mouth the Villain finally relaxed and Hero had the courage to get closer, leaning on the counter. 

“Teenagers, right?” she chuckled. The Villains only huffed. 

“Sorry for screaming at your sidekick.”

“He knows you don’t mean harm. Besides, I’m the one who drove here so it's not like he can go anywhere.” She joked, earning a chuckle from the Villain.

“You know what the worst part is?” The Villain softened. 

“Hmm?” The Hero answered. 

“Before I was angry- I was really, really impressed. Maybe even proud!” He gestured towards the weapon on the kitchen island.

"A bubble trap gun? Why hadn't I ever thought of it?" The Villain seemed genuinely intrigued as he picked it up to analyze. "This is amazing craftsmanship."

The Hero was shocked for a second before remembering who she was talking to and laughed. Villain only let out another chuckle and sighed as the Hero calmed down. 

“If you do let him anywhere near her-” 

“Isn’t that what my Mentor said to Supervillain?” Hero teased.

“That’s different. I didn’t seduce you to get back at my father.” The hero only smiled and leaned against him. 

“Don’t worry. If genetics are anything to account for, they'll be 27 before your daughter wins my sidekick’s heart.” 

[greyknighterotica]

I feel amazing!

I've lost so much weight since May, I'm so, so, so proud of myself. So, I woke up today, and a kin lady said "Birthday dinner!"

And so, for the first time in two years, I WALKED to the steakhouse and got me a takeout order.

The price was about the same as 2021, which shocked me, and the quality was great.

that's two serving of thick, pub style fries, five big breaded shrimp and beneath that, an 8 ounce skirt steak. In the bag? Chips and salsa, decent quality, too. Into the foil, real fresh tortillas.

Oh. Thank you kind lady. I had no idea how much I wanted this.

[mopillow]

I insist that this comic is about He Cheng but I understand if not everyone shares my opinion, anyway according to the Time Zone I can start celebrating in honor of someone chances are I’m going to get drunk so expect either memes or my ending, have a nice weekend people

@lady-tortilla-chip if you dislike this image please let me know and I’ll delete

[stellaluna33]

Theee best tortilla chips in the American Midwest!!! 😍😍😍 I love you, I LOVE YOU!🥰 My usual grocery store doesn't have them, but I went to Aldi this time and I happened to see them in someone ELSE'S shopping basket, and I was like, "They have El Milagro chips here?!!" The lady looked at me like, "Why are you looking in my shopping basket and why are you talking to me, you weirdo?" so I was just like ok, fine, whatever, I'll just look for them myself. 😂

[fullmetalfisting]

I was just at w*lmart (tacky but needs must) and I bought like $10 worth of groceries and left and the lady at the door asked to see my receipt. I was like “uhhh I don’t think I grabbed it?” Like I’m not shoplifting tortilla chips and pickles. I’m like “the cashier is 10 feet that way” and she’s like “im not allowed to leave this spot” and I was like “okay, bye” and she didn’t like stop me but also what is this, a Costco? Why do you have to see my receipt?

[all-inmoderation]

Challenge: Make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters and tag 5 people to do the same!

ooo this is a fun challenge! thanks for tagging me @lady-tortilla-chip!

these are some of my fave characters recently, in no particular order:

Honorable Mentions: Mi-ae Hwang from After School Lessons for Unripe Apples, Ichikawa Kyotaro from The Dangers in My Heart, Naomi Westfield from You Deserve Each Other. I love these characters too but we were only allowed to pick 5 :(

I'll tag: @thefudge, @lej222, @bioloyg, @praetorqueenreyna, @himbo-prince

[stargirl720]

First vc ever hosted with @lady-tortilla-chip and my takeaways:

We both unfortunately sound much younger than we actually are

JJK now sucks

BSD now sucks

Watch Suzume (on netflix or crunchyroll) or else 🔪

Men should get pregnant 🫡

[sohannabarberaesque]

Postcards from Snagglepuss

Just getting stocked up for some houseboating isn't quite a picnic--or can it be?

DUBUQUE, IA: It certainly took a couple days to reach the Mississippi River from Breezewood, Pennsylvania via US 20 for the most part ... and to cross the Mississippi via the Julien Dubuque Bridge was something of a sign of anticipation for some interesting little escapades ahead.

Via houseboat, even.

And with such interesting company of Your Correspondent as Huckleberry Hound and Touché Turtle, Bristlehound and Dum-Dum were bound, in their role as guides, to make sure things were running smoothly. Hence, their directing us via text message to meet them at the Hy-Vee supermarket coming off the bridge into Dubuque. Yes, as in a certain "little old lady from" made infamous, in a way, by Harold Ross in launching that somewhat sophisto and urbane journal known as The New Yorker back in 1925. Insisting that he was not intending The New Yorker to be for the Little Old Lady from Dubuque, implying that she would likely be satisfied with The Saturday Evening Post, Collier's, Grit and Comfort rather than a high-class literary-leaning review.

But back to the Hy-Vee: Both Dum-Dum and Bristlehound would meet us at the entrance for the preparatory shopping trip for supplies heading into the little houseboat excursion. More than likely a "mystery trip," by all assumptions, yet mind you, leave any pretension of emulating Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn at the dock.

Following a modest little cafeteria-manner lunch in Hy-Vee's dining area, something of a staple in their larger locations across eight Midwestern states, Bristlehound and Dum-Dum led the way into getting the necessary supplies: Meal-replacement drinks (mainly for breakfast) ... wholemeal crackers ... cheese spread ... summer sausage ... smoked sausage ... buns ... charcoal ... bottled water, spring and seltzer ... flavouring concentrate ... batteries for the transistor radio ... all in all, just trying to be low-impact more than anything.

As Dum-Dum admitted, "it's more than likely we'll want to spend our nights sleeping on the roof of our houseboat just for the experience."

Bristlehound added, "Especially when passing barge tows in the night leave such wake as can make things interesting in the sleep department." Thankfully, CPAP was not the sort of thing we were on, nor even think about being on.

Once out of the way, a drive to the docks where Bristlehound and Dum-Dum tied up their modest little houseboat--hardly a fancy sort, yet stylishly simplistic for the purpose. Even if it took a few minutes for a freight train to clear the tracks so we could get to the boat, by which time early evening's effects were starting to be obvious. And once loaded, reviewing the inevitable safety procedures for boating in the Mississippi's waters, the call of "Touché awayyyy!" by none other than was the call to cast off and get underway.

Huckleberry Hound couldn't have said it better in observing that "what could feel more interesting than to just spend a couple days on the river living the houseboat life ... even if it means the likes of Boost for breakfast?"

"At any rate, folks," Dum-Dum was quick to note, "Bristlehound and I decided on meal-replacement shakes for breakfast more than anything. Especially when the desire is to get out on the river with as little mess as possible after breakfast."

"Even allowing for recycling," Bristlehound added.

Still, even if the supper was mainly a bag of wholemeal tortilla chips with some salsa in the bargain as we made bivouac for the night on some sandbar on the Wisconsin side of the river. Just be thankful for the deck chairs to provide some sleep, and just hope the trains don't keep you all too awake.

*************

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