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andorology · 2 months ago

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Sanguinity: Chapter 7 a rebelcaptain regency au

“To first understand Cassian’s life,” Lady Mothma began...

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Jyn hears of Cassian's history with the Krennics from Lady Mothma. Bearing this newfound knowledge, she finds herself facing a difficult decision.

Read Chapter 7 of Sanguinity below the cut, or check it out on ao3! Rating T.

“To first understand Cassian’s life,” Lady Mothma began, “you must first know about his and Kerri’s parents, Cassandra and Kiernan. Cassandra, who was then Cassandra Dashwood, was the fourth child of a well-off family who lived in Liverpool. One day, in an attempt to momentarily escape her parents’ incessant and too enthusiastic attempts at marrying her off, she took to the ports to wander about and keep her mind off things.

“There, she met Kiernan, who was a clerk and assistant for one of the merchants who had a small office there. His line of work, in particular, was translating on behalf of his patron’s clients who could only speak Spanish; he was incredibly fluent at it.

“He and Cassandra got off quite well, and soon, they fell in love with each other. Cassandra would sneak away from her home everyday to meet him, and eventually Kiernan found the courage to offer his hand in marriage. Cassandra willingly accepted it.

“It came as no surprise to the both of them, however, that when Cassandra told her parents of the engagement, they did not approve—The Dashwoods did not want Kiernan as a husband for their daughter. But this did not faze Cassandra, and was still determined in keeping her engagement with Kiernan.

"To this her parents retaliated still with an obstinacy, and one even greater. They gave her an ultimatum: if she married the man, they would cut off all material support for her for good, and never speak to her again.”

“But still, she chose him," Jyn guessed.

“She did, yes,” confirmed Lady Mothma. “But despite the threat of financial loss, you see, in actuality, the union did not mean any ruin for her. For while Kiernan was not wealthy, he was also not entirely poor. After they got wed, they moved and found a small cottage in a town called Fest farther up north, almost to the border of Scotland.

"They managed on their own, Cassandra and Kiernan, which, just a year later, led to the birth of their first child, Cassian. Five years later followed Kerri.

“But while it overjoyed the Andors to have a second child, this also posed a problem for them now. With two very young children to take care of, keeping the household afloat was now becoming more of a struggle to accomplish. Kiernan’s clerical work, while previously enough, no longer produced the amount of money needed to sustain his growing family.

"With the war against France escalating and the Crown needing more men to fight at sea than ever before, he found himself with no other choice but to enlist in the Navy as a seaman. They deployed him on a ship called HMS Celeste.

“Fighting at sea was not without its constant danger, but for a while he was finally able to earn enough to send home to his family in Fest. This went on for seven years. By the end of that period, though, things began to change.

"In the wake of the kingdom’s still increasing tensions with France, the conditions suffered by sailors all across the Royal Navy turned even more abysmal than they had already been before. This was when mutinies amongst sailors became more prolific. You’ve heard of the Nore mutiny, haven’t you? That was just one of the many others that occurred at the time.

“The crew of HMS Celeste eventually partook in one themselves, with the willing participation of Kiernan himself. At that point, their crew were dropping like flies at such a rapid rate; within the last five months alone, seven of them had died—not from fighting the French, no, but from famine, infections, or madness.

"So they decided that they had had enough of it.

“Their determination was strong, but the force with which the Crown responded was too brutal, even for seasoned sailors. Kiernan fought valiantly, but he was killed, the entire crew along with him.

“The conflict irredeemably wrecked HMS Celeste. This infuriated its owner, who had invested a great deal in the vessel.” She then narrowed her eyes at Jyn. “I think you can guess who he is, Jyn. There are only a few names known for investing in the trade during the Napoleonic wars, and you are very close to one of them.”

It instantly dawned on Jyn. Her heart sank. Quietly she said, “The Krennics.”

Lady Mothma nodded.

Jyn fell into total silence for a few seconds, reveling in the realization. “Sir Orson Krennic owned HMS Celeste.”

“He did, yes. Now widowed, Cassandra, upon discovering this, appealed to the Admiralty for reparation for what her late-husband had suffered. She also demanded due compensation for his service, which, after all, he had rendered for the kingdom for seven years.

"But Sir Krennic, who had taken it upon himself to get involved in the affairs of the ship’s mutineers, convinced its captain (who had fought against his own crew) that no such recovery of damages should be given to her.

“Cassandra did not back down, however. Still she stuck to her demands, but Sir Krennic was equally unflinching; to settle the matter for good, he made a case for Kiernan’s descent, which was when things began to go really south for her.”

“Why, Your Grace?" asked Jyn. "What did Sir Krennic do?”

“He had found out that apparently," answered the duchess, "that Kiernan was not from England; his investigations tied him back to New Spain, where his entire family resided. And it wasn’t just any family, either; his father, it turned out, was a governor who held office in the capital.”

Jyn’s brows furrowed. “And was it true?”

Lady Mothma nodded. “It was. Sir Krennic found this sufficient reason enough to suspect that the mutiny in which he had a large part in leading was motivated by his covert allegiances to Spain—a kingdom which, by then, was still a staunch ally of France. This would make Kiernan Andor, in effect, a much worse traitor to the Crown, and therefore must be treated as one. He had made such a compelling case to the Admiralty that it was too easy for him from that point.”

“But that’s not really the case, was it not?" argued Jyn. "He was not really a spy for Spain?"

“Sir Krennic had presumed the worst intentions behind his actions, on the mere basis of that information about him."

"So if his claim was a falsehood, then what is the truth, Your Grace? Also, come to think of it, if he was the son of a governor, why was he all the way over in Liverpool doing small clerical work?”

Lady Mothma gave her a small smile. “I believe that is a story for Cassian and Kerri to tell.”

Jyn suddenly felt flustered. "Oh. Of course."

"Anyway," continued Lady Mothma, "because of it, in the end, Cassandra received nothing. She now had neither husband nor money.

“Kiernan’s death devastated her, that’s without a doubt, but the dread of raising Cassian and Kerri now all by herself took heavier weight upon her. How could she even take care of two children alone without a reliable income?

“It was also not easy for the children themselves, but the loss seem to have affected Kerri much more gravely. She was only seven at the time, and losing a father was a severe tragedy to her heart. To see such a young child grieve to such a sorrowful extent—it was a tough sight for a mother to bear. So Cassandra made her son promise not to tell her about what Sir Krennic had done in response to his death—she did not know how much more her daughter could take. Cassian gave her his word.”

Jyn briefly remembered the imposingly cheerful disposition of the younger Andor sibling, now in awe of the disjoint between the joy she so consistently exuded, and the grief she had experienced.

“For the next four years,” continued the duchess, “Cassandra tried to make ends meet as a governess, but overworking herself had made her weak. Eventually her body succumbed to a terrible case of tuberculosis in the lungs. She was too tired at that point, so much that Cassian already knew, young as he was, that there was no hope for her recovery. And he was right.

“Cassian and Kerri became orphans since then, and Cassian, in particular, was afraid—as any sixteen-year-old boy would be. He did not have any money to inherit, and he did not know how to take care of his younger sister by himself. There was no one he could reach out to—the Dashwoods remained steadfast in their prejudice against the Andors, and he did not take his chances with anybody from his father’s side. He tried to work, but since none of what he made was even close enough, he had fallen into a state of debt.

“One day, while he was trying to evade somebody who he owed money to, he snuck into a gentleman’s club to hide. There, he ran into Mr. Draven.” Lady Mothma then paused to ask Jyn, “You remember Mr. Draven from this morning? He was the barrister who briefly stopped for a visit.”

Jyn nodded, and in an instant, already got an inkling of what was about to happen next. Lady Mothma, as she spoke the next parts of the story, confirmed it to be almost accurate:

“You see, Mr. Draven had known all along that Cassian, what with his appearance and dress during that moment, was not a gentleman who frequented that club—anybody would have known, really. But Cassian did not fold under it and impressively kept his air, despite looking like he did not belong there.

"Mr. Draven knew then, as he listened to Cassian’s attempts at conversation, that he wasn’t pretending, not entirely; there existed in the boy a well of knowledge that could only be acquired from studying materials typical for gentlemen. He also found that he possessed the high ability to converse, to reason, and to think with such logic and erudition. It amazed him quite profoundly.

“Later Mr. Draven finally called Cassian’s bluff, and propositioned for him to be his apprentice in law. And Cassian, not one to let such an opportunity pass, immediately accepted. Eventually he began his education at Gray’s Temple. There he studied law for five years, then worked for the next twelve.”

Jyn fell into a state of quietude, reflecting on these events that had fallen upon Cassian’s life. “And now he is a successful solicitor,” she said above a whisper.

“And has accumulated enough money for his and his sister’s more than comfortable living,” supplied Lady Mothma further. “But, despite things already being better for him and Kerri, I believe he’s still keeping his promise to his mother; it seems to me that he continues to carry that knowledge alone, after hearing what you two had argued about.”

Jyn had reason to believe the same. Nothing in the explanations that Kerri had provided in her letter signified that she knew at all about what Sir Krennic had done. And recalling the events of Mr. Rook’s ball now, Jyn surmised that she had not even known of the Krennics until they’d met that evening.

A sense of dread immediately fell upon her, sinking her spirit to the deepest of depths. She could hardly look at the duchess now; she buried her face in her hands.

“Jyn?” asked Lady Mothma, concern clear in her voice. “What’s wrong?”

The things Jyn had said to Cassian during their argument in Vallt Park all came crawling back to her mind. She felt her face redden in shame.

“Jyn?”

Jyn sighed. “I said some terrible things to him, Your Grace. I had always perceived his anger towards it, but I never truly understood the extent of it, or the reason for it, until now.”

Lady Mothma did not speak, only offered her a look of sympathy.

Jyn finally managed to meet the duchess’s eyes. Letting out a shaky breath, she said, “I see now why he feels that way about the Krennics, and by extension, about me—I, who now intend to join the family. But I knew nothing of this, Your Grace. I had absolutely no idea.”

Lady Mothma put a hand on Jyn’s shoulder. “I know you didn’t, Jyn.”

Jyn sighed again. “But now that I do,” she said, “I assume you are now to dissuade me from marrying Mr. Krennic.”

She held her breath, preparing herself for the duchess’s answer, and now trying to imagine her new future from this point hence. But what Lady Mothma said next surprised her:

“No, Jyn. I’m not going to do that.”

Jyn gave her a look of disbelief. “You’re not?” she asked. “But—but I thought that you disapproved of my match with him.”

Lady Mothma observed her carefully. Then she shook her head. “I think you have misconstrued me, Jyn. But I can see why you would think that way.”

Jyn just stared at her, anticipating an explanation.

“Look,” the duchess said, “I admit that I had harbored some doubt particularly in the beginning when I saw you and Philip, but I soon realized that that feeling had less to do with Mr. Krennic himself, and more to do with the surprise that I felt from your decision to marry at all—for I know very clearly how you feel about it.”

When Jyn didn’t speak, she continued, “Jyn, I am not judging you for it. You must do what you must—I know what it feels like to be burdened with the necessity.”

Jyn frowned. “But I still do not understand, Your Grace. Why won’t you talk me out of it now, after all this?”

Lady Mothma offered her a kind smile. “I cannot tell you what you should or should not do about Philip.” Then, when she sensed Jyn’s confusion, she said, “What I’m trying to say, Jyn, is that whether or not you still want to pursue a union with him is something you have to decide for yourself. I do not know him, not in the way you do. And yes, Sir Krennic had pulled a decisive influence surrounding the matter of Cassian’s father, but you must realize, those were his actions, not his son’s.”

Jyn stared, spending a few moments to take all the duchess’s words in. “Your Grace, are you saying that Philip is blameless in all this?”

Lady Mothma shrugged. “Perhaps he is, perhaps he is not. It’s possible he knows not of it even—he was only but ten when it happened. Here is what I know: people are complicated; they don’t always turn out to be their parents. Sometimes they do, yes, but a lot of the time, they also just don’t. We cannot quickly condemn Philip for something his father had done—the same way Cassian cannot condemn you for it.”

When Jyn still didn’t speak, Lady Mothma finally posed, “So what do you think, Jyn? Do you think that you cannot trust Philip anymore because of what his father had done, or do you think that you still can, because you know for certain that he had no part to play in it, and that he cannot do such a thing himself? Only you can tell this.”

Jyn started to feel lightheaded. “My, Your Grace,” she breathed, “that is an impossibly difficult question.” As she even attempted to think about it, so many complications already tangled themselves up with each other in her head.

She felt as though suddenly all of life, which hung over her like a cloud, had begun to descend into heavy rain.

Lady Mothma gave her a sympathetic smile. “Most questions posed by life usually are, Jyn.”

Just then, the curtains on the stage below began to part, and a painted and costumed ensemble began to move about to the rhythm of a melodramatic, orchestral overture.

Just as the first singer sang her first note, Philip finally emerged from behind Jyn. She jumped in surprise.

He leaned down within her earshot. “Forgive me for being a bit late, Miss Erso,” he said, before sitting down on the chair beside her. “It was the first time I saw my mates in months.”

Jyn did not speak, only stared at the gentleman, her breaths quick in her anxiety.

“Is there something on my face?” he asked, smiling. He proceeded to lift a hand to feel his cheeks in jest.

As she looked at him in silence, Jyn suppressed any reaction that would betray her current confusions. In his countenance she saw the face of Sir Krennic, and yet, all the same, she found it difficult to reconcile him as being the same person entirely.

It was impossible to imagine that Philip would ever do the sort of thing that Sir Krennic had.

She was utterly torn, so much that she could feel her mind practically splitting itself in half.

In the instant Philip sensed her mood, he quickly dropped his gaiety. With audible concern he asked, “Miss Erso, are you quite all right?”

The singer on stage began to sing a shrill note, the sound ululating in the air, against the walls, and straight into Jyn’s ears.

Still, she did not speak.

Jyn had since then racked her brain, thinking of the right way to deal with her current predicament. Unfortunately for her, she had not been able to find the time to do it—for after the opera, Lady Mothma ushered them both immediately to Sir Organa’s dinner party, where Jyn’s attentions had all but been solicited by the host’s daughter, Miss Leia.

On the one hand, Jyn was glad for the distraction, for discussions of various matters that interested her meant postponing what she wildly hoped not to discover about Philip’s complicity in the whole deluge (and she liked the lady’s company very much), yet on the other hand, she also felt as though she was only but sustaining the anxieties that did not seem to quiet down, even in passing time.

By the end of the evening, Jyn was already too tired yet again, and Philip too it seemed, for he had already gone straight for his lodging.

She only found the time for reflection, really, when the conclusion of their trip to Bath finally arrived.

The goodbyes that Jyn and Lady Mothma had exchanged during the moment were bittersweet, and Jyn, overcome by a deep gratitude, had expressed her thanks for the guidance which the duchess had shared to her, and should now inform her next actions henceforth.

As the carriage rolled away, she suddenly felt alone, despite the companionship of the gentleman who sat across from her.

Philip looked at her with a curious expression. “Miss Erso,” he said cautiously, “I sense that something has been bothering you since the opera.” He leaned forward. “I wish you would tell me what it is.”

There was no going around it anymore; it was time for Jyn to settle the matter.

At first she hesitated, but soon managed to begin. “I suppose I’ve been thinking about a question, Mr. Krennic—a rather difficult one at that.”

“Yes?”

“I wonder if one’s sentiments and affections for a person can overpower their sensibility for what is good and what is not.”

“What do you mean, Miss Erso?”

“Do you…do you ever think about what you would be willing or not willing to excuse, ignore, or look past for the people you really liked and respected?”

Philip paused in thought. “That is a rather deep musing, I would say. I hope you are not torn about it, Miss Erso. It seems like a difficult question.”

Jyn let out a quiet, dry laugh. “It is, isn’t it. Well, I’m afraid I must now rope you into thinking about it as well.”

Philip looked uncertain, but he tried for a smile. “Try me, then.”

“All right.” Jyn cleared her throat. “What if, say, you discovered that—that your father had done something deplorable? What if—what if he had deprived a person of something they truly needed because he thinks they do not deserve it?”

Philip frowned. “Why would my father think they do not deserve it?”

“Because—” Jyn tried not to show her indignation upon the remembrance of the fact “—he just believes they do not.”

Philip hummed in thought. “But they do?”

Jyn nodded. “Yes, very much so. And in consequence, that deprivation ruins their life for the worst—forever.”

“Upon my word, that is rather a conundrum.”

Jyn narrowed her sight. “Is it?”

Philip tilted his head. “You seem surprised, Miss Erso. Why would it not be one?”

“You do not think that your immediate disapproval is due the act?”

When Philip saw the growing mortification on Jyn’s face, he quickly shook his head. “Oh, no, no, no, Miss Erso. That is not what I’m saying at all.” He took a quick pause. “What I only mean is that it is difficult. Say it’s your father—would you not feel the same way?”

Jyn beheld him in a way that made it seem as if the answer was obvious. “I understand the difficulty of it quite clearly. However, the presence or lack of that feeling should not signify what I should do about it. Honestly, Mr. Krennic, I think it should be quite simple. Why must we condone a truly terrible thing being done just because someone we loved did it? What does that say about us? Our principles and sensibilities? Ruining a life out of spite, Mr. Krennic—I do not think it should be that hard.”

Philip quietly sank into thought.

“So to answer your question,” proceeded Jyn, “if my father had done it, he would not be exempt from the same disfavor I would give to somebody I neither knew nor have deep affections for.”

Philip looked ahead and out the window beside him, his mind running at full speed.

After a long pause he finally said, “You’re right, Miss Erso.”

Jyn watched him carefully. “I am?”

The gentleman nodded, surer this time. “You are. You definitely are. I would do what you would in an instant; if my father had done something of the sort, I would deplore him for it, too.”

Jyn fell silent, which encouraged Philip to say, “But the thing is, Miss Erso, I do not believe it would come to that point; the reason I’ve always respected and looked up to my father is because I know that he had not and will not do anything of the sort.”

Jyn grimaced. Quietly she said, “But what if I told you, Mr. Krennic, that he had?”

Philip’s expression fell. “What do you mean?”

Jyn stammered. She did not realize how difficult it would be to impart dreadful knowledge about one’s father to his son.

“Miss Erso,” urged Philip, “what did you mean?”

Jyn took in a deep breath, and with a heavy heart, began to tell the story of HMS Celeste and the Andors—leaving out, with due diligence, any detail surrounding the family’s life which was not necessary to Philip’s awareness.

As she progressed through the tale, so did Philip’s look of terror and incredulity.

By the time she finished, silence fell upon them in the carriage. Philip did not utter a single word.

After a while, Jyn could not bear the quiet any longer. “Mr. Krennic?”

Philip, whose gaze seemed distant, finally looked at Jyn. He shook his head. “Forgive me, Miss Erso. I am just...shocked. I did not know about this at all—this is news to me.”

“So you really did not know?” asked Jyn.

Philip shook his head with a forlorn, but earnest conviction. "I did not, Miss Erso." Then, with desperation he looked into her eyes. “My father really did that to the Andors?”

Jyn leaned forward. “You believe it, then?”

Philip hesitated for a moment, then answered, “I do not find any good reason to doubt your accounts, Miss Erso, nor Lady Mothma’s, for that matter.”

Jyn dipped her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Do not be.” Philip gave off a weak, wistful laugh. “It would seem that the fruits of our discussion will now be put to the test.” He looked at Jyn with a sad smile. “I understand now why you have been thinking about it, Miss Erso. It is clear that you disapprove of what my father had done, as anyone ought to, and you would now like to see where I stand.”

Jyn felt her cheeks grow warm. “I do not mean to test you, Mr. Krennic. I know this must be a lot to deal with all at once, and you don’t have to say anything at the moment—”

“No, no,” gently interrupted Philip. “You are wise, Miss Erso, and you have served me well. You are right. My father had done something terrible, and I cannot just turn a blind eye to it merely because of my affections for him.”

Jyn gazed down to her lap.

“Be ill at ease no longer,” assured Philip. “I shall confront him about it when he returns from the East Indies, and then I shall make sure that he pays back what he has taken away from the Andors.”

Jyn quickly looked up to face him. “How will you do that?” she asked.

Philip took a moment to reflect, then shook his head. “I…I admit that is something I do not yet know.”

They fell into more painful silence, and maintained it for a while. Philip, upon registering the uncertainty in Jyn’s expression, felt himself obliged to say, “I know it may sound vague, but you have my word that I will get it done, Miss Erso. I promise. If I am going to follow in his footsteps, I shall do it right by correcting his wrongs.”

The proclamation stunned Jyn into more silence. It was something she did not expect to hear, but not something she didn't not want to, either.

Philip then leaned forward, and directly looking into her eyes, he asked, “Do you believe me?”

Jyn heard her own blood rush against her head. She exhaled air just as quickly as she inhaled them. She stared back at the Krennic son, and for a while did not—could not—answer.

You must decide this for yourself, Lady Mothma had told her.

In all her life, whenever Jyn found herself at a crossroads, she had always relied on what she knew to decide which path to take forth.

She thought back on what she had always known of Philip.

She decided to believe that.

“Miss Erso?” the gentleman asked again. He watched and waited in near-agony for her reply.

Jyn, meeting his eyes, took a deep breath.

And then she finally spoke her answer.

#rebelcaptain #jyn x cassian #rebelcaptain fic #rebelcaptain fanfiction #therebelcaptainnetwork #dailyrebelcaptain #my fic

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jinisnuggets · 11 months ago

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꠸ꪻ ꪮꪀꪶꪗ ꪻꪖᛕꫀᦓ ꪮꪀᥴꫀ

ᴾᵃⁱʳⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᴵᵈᵒˡ! ᴹⁱⁿᵍⁱ ˣ ᴾʳⁱⁿᶜᵉˢˢ! ʳᵉᵃᵈᵉʳ

ᴳᵉⁿʳᵉ: ᵃⁿᵍˢᵗ, ᶠˡᵘᶠᶠ, ᵃᵘ

ᵂᵒʳᵈ ᶜᵒᵘⁿᵗ: 5.6ᵏ

ᵂᵃʳⁿⁱⁿᵍˢ: ᵐᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉᵈ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃʳʳᵃⁿᵍᵉᵈ ᵐᵃʳʳⁱᵃᵍᵉˢ, ᵈᵉᵖʳᵉˢˢⁱᵒⁿ ᵃⁿᵈ ˡᵒˢˢ ᵒᶠ ᶠʳᵉᵉᵈᵒᵐ, ᵈᵉˢⁱʳᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ʰᵃᵖᵖⁱⁿᵉˢˢ, ᵐᵉⁿᵗⁱᵒⁿˢ ᵒᶠ ᵈʳⁱⁿᵏⁱⁿᵍ, ˢʷᵉᵃʳⁱⁿᵍ

ˢʸⁿᵒᵖˢⁱˢ: ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍˢ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵃⁿʸ ʷᵒʳˢᵉ ᵗʰᵃⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ? ᴮᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᵗʰᵉ ᶠⁱᵃⁿᶜᵉ ᵒᶠ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵉⁿᵉᵐʸ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵐᵒˢᵗ ʰᵃᵗᵉᵈ ᵖᵉʳˢᵒⁿ, ᵇᵉⁱⁿᵍ ᶠᵒʳᶜᵉᵈ ᵗᵒ ʰᵒˡᵈ ᵇᵃᶜᵏ ᵗᵉᵃʳˢ, ⁿᵒᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵇᵉ ᵗʰⁱˢ ᵇᵃᵈ. ᵀʰᵉʳᵉ ʷᵃˢ ⁿᵒ ʷᵃʸ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵍˢ ᶜᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵍᵉᵗ ᵇᵉᵗᵗᵉʳ, ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵉʳᵉ ᵗᵒᵒ ᵈᵉᵉᵖ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰᵉ ʰᵒˡᵉ. ᵀʰᵃᵗ'ˢ ʷʰᵃᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵃⁿʸᵒⁿᵉ ʷᵒᵘˡᵈ ᵗʰⁱⁿᵏ ⁱⁿ ᵗʰⁱˢ ˢⁱᵗᵘᵃᵗⁱᵒⁿ. ᵁⁿᵗⁱˡ ʰᵉ ᶜᵃᵐᵉ…

Divider: @cafekitsune

Although the royal family was something that a lot of children desired, it wasn't anything like the books described it. Being restricted from many things and unable to feel the freedom that any human has the right to, having to hold off on food in order to fit the ‘Princess Standard’, holding in tears in order to avoid letting those who looked up to you see you cry, something so simple like friend night was a restriction as it damages the ‘family image’.

Being like any typical only child princess, your job was to sit still and wait until your parents looked for a good prince to take you in and name you queen, it always worked this way around the royal industry, and you weren't no exception.

“Lady… I wanted to inform you that your supper is ready…”

You glanced over at your once shut door and smiled at the maid standing at the fronts of your room, a visible smile appeared on her face as she escorted you out of your room, although you had a notebook in front of you, it was a thank goodness that your lady barged in to inform you about your evening lunch because if not you would've most likely broken down into tears right then and there.

Taking a seat, your butler poured you your evening tea, bringing your meal out to the table, leaving you alone in the comfort of the familiar area and privacy.

Sighing, remembeing all of your upcoming schedules, not to mention one of them was only a couple hours away. Early the next morning you had to make your way to a special event hosted specifically for royalty and celebrities, although you were excited to meet new people and step out of your comfort zone without the need to worry about your parents coming along, half of you just wanted to ditch the meet up and run off to a field of flowers in order to take a breath of fresh air, no one to watch you wear tight fitting dresses or heels, and get a sense of freedom for the first time since your childhood.

Nervously walking back to your room. Feeling uneasy at the thought of seeing the face of that prince who you so desperately wished not to see, you just wanted to make new friendships and meet new people, however you could only pray that throughout the event you wouldn't have to look at him, nore speak a word to him.

After all, it was all you wanted, and all you asked for.

The next morning, you made your way to the familiar building that would hold some of the biggest celebrities at the moment, you sighed nervously as you would be meeting brand new idols and seeing unfamiliar faces, faces of brand new idols, whom you hadn't had the chance to see on TV yet.

___________________________________________

The special hostess was someone you were familiar with, for your regular schedule it'd be the same thing. Conference, photoshoots, if journalist approached you you would answer all their questions, and if you got lucky… communicate with other guest.

However during the conference…

No matter how hard you tried… the tears were there, and they wouldn't go away, you excused yourself from the table and walked over to a secluded corner where you swore no one would find you. You let your tears fall as you recalled your mothers words.

“You're going to marry Prince Lee.”

“Mother, I do not agree with this...”

“I apologize dear but you need to take over whenever me and your father can't. The prince showed great interest in meeting you and you can't just dismiss these important moments, you knew they were going to come eventually.”

“You can't force me to marry someone whom I do not wish to”

“If it were me I'd let you choose, however your parents know best-”

“Of course.. parents always know best.”

After that you stormed off and didn't allow your mom to finish what she needed to say. The tension was big that morning and everyone in the house knew that your mom and you had argued, it was obvious. You being a part of the royal family yet unable to enjoy the title that many children dreamed of, seeking freedom and that exciting life that everybody else had, often finding yourself thinking the words “why me?”-

“Excuse me?”

Crap.. had you been crying too loud? How could you forget you were still in public and in a quite important meeting. Of course someone would come looking for you-

“I'm sorry! I completely lost myself-” however your words stopped upon seeing a handsome man standing in front of you. He looked like an idol. Small eyes, fair skin, dark brown hair, chocolate colored eyes, and most outstanding of all, he was tall.

“I just wanted to check and see if everything was okay… you seemed upset or bothered by something. Would you need to talk about it?” He sounded sincere, words sounded cautious and full of pity.

“Trust me I'd love to talk about my intrusive thoughts, however this is a personal problem.” you responded, attempting to hold back from completely breaking down onto the stranger.

“That's okay… I'm a stranger so I get it… let me introduce myself, I'm Song Mingi.” a smile broke onto the boy's face as he stared at you waiting for your personal introduction.

You couldn't help but smile back at such an innocent face, this time your smile contained nothing but reality, a sincere smile that you couldn't hold back. Something you hadn't felt since childhood.

“My name is L/n Y/n. Pleasure to meet you Song Mingi.” You responded, extending your hand to shake his.

“Pleasure to meet you L/n Y/n. Hope we can become good friends!” His smile was heartwarming, full of kindness and sensitivity, for the first time in years. You felt happy in the time you least expected to feel such an emotion.

“Mingi..!? Dude! Stop walking away from the group like that-” you heard another voice call from a distance, upon looking over you saw an unfamiliar face who quickly entered into panic as he approached his proclaimed friend.

“Oh my god! It's a pleasure!” the other guy said as he bowed his head and pulled Mingi down with him.

“Oh no- there's no need for that-”

“I deeply apologize for my friend's behavior… he can get out of hand sometimes..” the boy interrupted, with a nervous look on his face as he awaited your answer.

“Don't worry about it. Your friend is a lovely person, I hope we'll be able to meet again soon.” You responded, trying to show the new guy that you were friendly and nothing to be afraid of.

“Oh thank goodness… again I apologize for everything. I hope you can excuse us, because we must make our departure now.”

“Of course, that is okay.” You quickly bowed and waved at the two guys who were now walking away. Mingi turned back and called out “Bye!” before disappearing with his friend.

“YALL!! MINGI WAS ABLE TO HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH L/N Y/N!!!”

“WHAT!?”

Everyone's eyes shifted to Mingi who was returning with a bright smile on his face.

“I don't get why you guys are so surprised… she's nice-”

“BOY! DO YOU HAVE AN IDEA WHO YOU JUST TALKED TO!?” San called, attempting to fix his bag and place it inside the small cubby on the wall.

“Um… L/n Y/n…?”

“Were you respectful? Did you at least greet her respectfully!?” Seonghwa asked with a very concerned pitch.

“I think…?” Mingi responded hesitantly, unknowing what to respond and beginning to question himself and his manners.

“Real question is if you were respectful Woo-”

“I WAS REALLY RESPECTFUL!!! BUT MINGI SEEMED WAYYYY TOO NONCHALANT TO BE IN FRONT OF SOMEONE AS POWERFUL AS L/N!!!”

Everyone glanced at Mingi and shook their heads in disappointment as Mingi grew a concerned look on his face.

“Is she someone important?” Mingi asked nervously, beginning to regret speaking to you in the first place.

“Mingi… if she's here of course she's important…” Yunho replied, with a stressed look on his face and Mingi gulped.

“Who is she…?” Mingi once again asked as Yeosang turned and responded “It's the current princess, probably soon to be queen.”

“WHAT!?”

The members sighed and again shook their heads in disappointment referring to Mingi.

“Why was she-” however Mingi stopped mid sentence, almost looking like Mingi’s world glitched completely.

“Why was she..?” Jongho questioned, trying to revive Mingi from his abrupt stop.

“Nevermind. Forget it.”

The members glanced around at each other, confused but understanding, they all nodded and continued their activities.

However, Mingi's mind was far from empty.

Why would a princess… so beautiful like you… be spotted crying…?

You entered your familiar palace, being in a better mood than usual and expected.

Everyone in the household could tell that you were all cheery and skippy, it was rare for you to be all smiley after your 14th birthday, so seeing you in that precise state was shocking to even your parents who were waiting for you in the living room.

“You look excited…”

“Glad you noticed, mother.” You added to the comment with all the anger in your voice that was strong just a few hours ago gone.

“Did something you'd like to talk about happen?” Asked your father who held a building smile on his face.

“I'd rather keep that personal father.”

Your parents, who were shocked by your answer, nodded and allowed you to hold a small bit of privacy from them.

However that happy mood was about to disappear completely when you heard your mother say the words you dreaded to hear.

“Prince Lee!”

The gaze which was once held at your guardians shifted to the end of the room where a tall man in his mid 20’s stood… it was indeed… prince Lee. That stupid prince who ruined everything from start to finish.

“Good to see you today Y/n.”

“Don't direct me by my first name as if we were close.”

A smirk crept onto the man's face, which did nothing but higher your suspicions.

“You must be in a bad mood princess… would you like to talk about it?”

"You seemed upset or bothered by something. Would you need to talk about it?"

“I would've preferred to not see you at all today.”

“I came for a reason, princess, it would come here just for fun.”

“I don't wanna talk about the marriage which hasn't yet been confirmed, I don't wanna ruin my life with any deals either.”

“Princess, it's nothing like that. Just give me a chance to explain it to you one on one.”

Truthfully, you were curious, but you didn't wanna accept anything from this untrustworthy prince.

“It’ll only take two minutes.” He muttered, clearly annoyed by your silence.

“Fine. But make sure to make it quick.” You replied as he rolled his eyes, welcoming himself to go to the other side of your palace uninvited.

“Sure princess.”

Once you both entered a more secluded corner, still guarded and you made sure of it. He looked back at you and smirked lightly.

“What do you want from me? Surely you're not romantically attracted and that's clear.” You asked, unsure of his answer and partly wanting him to just back away and leave you and your loved ones alone.

“Well you're not wrong.” You heard the prince reply, beginning to take a ring out of his pocket.

“Then what is it you want?”

“And why are you entitled to know all of my intentions? Huh?” He said, with a quite aggressive tone, trying to make it clear that he still had yet to speak.

You leaned back on the wall as your shoulders fell in half relief.

“Go on.” You said, attempting to bring his attention back to his words from earlier.

“Listen here, if you try to say anything to your parents about what I do behind the curtains… I'll know. So you better keep that pretty mouth of yours shut or else.”

“I have no reason to expose all that lame shit that you do in your personal life.”

“If you call it lame shit again I'll beat the crap out of you.”

“Beat the crap out of me and the only one who's losing is you. I know you're using me for money, if my parents or the cameras catch you hurting me in any way the weddings off, you can't do anything to me, I'm smart enough to know that.”

You heard a small chuckle come from him as he took out his ring and gifted it to you.

“Just a small gift to get you to shut your mouth.”

You glanced back at him with a knowing smile, as you took the ring and raised it back to him.

“I'll be having this checked!” You said in a mocking tone, knowing he can't hide anything from you.

He nodded knowingly and looked back at you, “Check it, you won't find anything.” you heard him mumble as he began to walk away, you watched him as he approached your parents and shook both of their hands respectfully before making his way out of your property.

“What's that jerk have in mind?” You whispered in a low and quiet voice as you threw the ring away in a nearby trash can.

Night time hit and you dragged yourself to your closet, sliding on some pants that you had hidden at the back of your wardrobe and giving yourself some new makeup to cover your identity, making your way out of the palace by your window, into the direction of the still open local library to pick up a new book to add onto your collection.

On your way to the library, you ran into multiple post boards. Few lights were on and the warm moon illuminated the night sky, these moments were the freedom you so much craved for. Finally a moment of peace and quiet, finally a moment for you to live like any ordinary person, even if it was a secret.

You stopped in your tracks upon noticing 2 figures of 2 men in the distance. You heard them laughing and talking regularly as they approached you so you decided to just continue very cautiously, attempting to keep away from their path..

“Is that L/n..?”

How did he know who you were…? You recognized this voice, but your memory couldn't get a grip of who it was..

‘Continue walking… continue walking… continue walking and don't look back…’ you told yourself repeatedly

“Mingi… that isn't her…”

“Oh- it looked like her for a moment…” you heard the other voice say.

The urge to look back at the mention of your new friend's name was tempting…

So what did you do…?

“Mingi…?”

You turned around to face the comforting face of this man who was once a stranger.

You noticed a surprise look on his face as he burst out a huge smile and rushed over to hug you, of course… you couldn't help it so you hugged him back.

“L/n.. how have you been?”

“Normal I guess…”

Of course, from the scene, you noticed the face of his shocked friend who definitely hadn't expected to see such an important figure out during dark hours of the day which would soon become tomorrow.

He quickly bowed down and brought himself to a stop and loss of words.

“Pleasure to meet you, miss…”

“Please don't bow down in my presence… Please treat me normally.” you managed to say, showing your signature smile as you watched him grow back to ease with all worry fading from his face.

“L/n- this is Yunho.” you heard Mingi say, you extended your hand ready to shake his as he mimicked your movements.

“Jeong Yunho at your services.”

“No… you don't have to be at my services…”

Smiling, you looked back at Mingi ready to say your goodbyes.

“I’m glad we were able to run into each other again… I must get going though- I have limited time and must get going-”

Both men stood and looked at you before Yunho hit Mingi's arm and snapped him back to reality.

“L/n… wouldn't you like to go get drinks with us..? Being up to your status must be difficult.. wouldn't you like to go get some dinner? It's on us.”

The request caught you off guard, you looked around before looking back…

“Isn't that too much…?”

“No..? You probably work so hard everyday, I think a friend out day would do you well.”

“I would love to accept but-” you knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity, and you hated that you couldn't help but be skeptical, you could always go to the library, anytime, any day with permission. A night out was a huge no-no.

“Are you worried about someone knowing who you are?” Yunho asked in a worried manner.

“That's part of the reason-”

“Mingi brought a jacket with a hood… it could be used to cover your face.” Yunho responded, giving you a small smile as you looked back at Mingi who was taking out the hoodie to show you.

“We're going to a secluded area, not many people go there these days, so chances are that it's going to be empty.” Mingi added, you could tell Mingi was trying very hard to make you accept their offer.

It was weird nevertheless… you almost felt like they somehow knew your situation which creeped you out a little.. not so much, just a little.

You stayed quiet thinking about their offer, ultimately you silently nodded and accepted.

Mingi put his jacket around you as you stood in between the two tall men, who attempted to shield your identity from any passers-bys, Mingi stood close to you as you looked up at him.

When you thought about it you only ever saw him once, you had no idea what he did for a living and the only piece of information you had on him was the fact that he was someone well known and that his name was Song Mingi.

It was the first time you saw him under the moonlight, the first time you heard the beautiful sound of nature and didn't think of it as your top value. You couldn't remember a time when you made the sound of waves crashing together and tree leaves brushing against each other as background noise.

But today? Today was an exception… because no matter how hard you tried, your gaze wouldn't leave the guy who stood next to you, eyes glued onto his features, fingers gripping your hand attempting to keep yourself back from holding his hand.

This was truly a moment for you…

You arrived at the bar which you were quite nervous to be at, mostly because if someone caught you being in such a place you would get in big trouble by both your parents and the public, however all your worries quickly went away as you sat down with both guys who made you feel more comfortable than they were supposed to, or better said, than normal.

You were a person who's trust was hard to gain, so the fact that these two almost newcomers, which was okay but at the same time made you nervous, but you truly felt safe around these two guys who looked to be around your age.

Your drinks came and you were quick to take a sip, the taste of alcohol truly shocked you however it wasn't the worst thing you had ever had so you continued to drink it as the two men joined you.

Mingi turned to you and begun to ask “L/n is it okay for me to ask you if-”

“Y/n…”

Mingi, confused, asked you, “What?”

“Just call me Y/n.” You corrected.

Yunho glanced at Mingi, they both knew the alcohol was beginning to take action. Yunho knowing it would probably end badly, took the glass away from your sight, bringing it near him as you began to move your head down onto your arms which were laying flat on the table.

“I miss the old times…” you managed to stutter out, which made Mingi and Yunho turn to you in order to listen.

“Why do you say that…?” Mingi said cautiously, unwanting to ask the wrong questions or even cross some sort of invasive line.

“I miss when I was stress free… when I was able to do anything without people judging or watching my every move…”

Both of them didn't dare to say a word, as they both felt like they were about to discover something important about your life.

“I feel trapped… why can't I be like any regular human…? Begin a relationship with who I choose…? Why can't I have more moments like these without having to worry all the time about the public…?”

Tears began forming in your eyes as you brought your legs on the chair for some odd reason, perhaps for extra support in order to avoid a breakdown in the middle of two untrusted adults.

“Y/n… you can go on… we'll listen to everything you say even if it lasts the entire night…” Mingi replied, going over to your side and hugging you tightly, in hopes to save your tears from falling off your beautiful face.

Truthfully everything Mingi did made you nervous. Even in a somewhat unhinged state, your heart fluttered at Mingi's low pitched voice speaking to you. Your words deep inside your tongue, getting tangled at all that you wanted to say. Everything he did was perfect and it was really like he heard your silent cries… How could someone understand you so well? How could someone so compassionate and enthusiastic show such sincere feelings

You don't know what happened the rest of that night, you were too out of it to remember and you really don't even recall how much you told them. You knew that you wanted to avoid them because you didn't know how much information they had on you now, but it was hard, because they were one of the only people who made you feel even somewhat safe.

But it was urgent… you had to avoid them.

“Do you think she was honest with everything she said last night?” Yunho asked Mingi as they were in the changing room, putting on their new stage outfits and throwing their old clothes into the small lockers attached to the wall

“She was already pretty drunk by that point, so I don't think she was lying… to add on to that she is royalty so everything she said isn't impossible…”

“It seems a bit off… someone so important hiding something so big that only she and the people working with them know…”

“It does seem weird… guess we really can't trust anyone these days. It's quite terrifying that such a big name is hiding something, and we don't know who it is.”

“I guess we should be extra careful at night and with who we trust-”

“YALL!! WHAT'S TAKING YOU SO LONG!!!???” Wooyoung yelled as he entered the room earning a scream from Mingi.

“HEY!! YOU CAN'T JUST INTRUDE!!!”

“YUH-HUH!!”

The two argued for a while before they both left the room to go get their makeup done, there was a lot that couldn't leave Mingi's mind, but he decided to keep it mostly empty for the time being because he had to focus on performing for the public and his fans.

If there was something he regretted it was not getting your number whenever he had the opportunity to, hearing everything you told him and his best friend the previous night he really couldn't believe just how fucked up the higher ups could be.

He felt off though… and he really didn't know why. Ever since your conversation he couldn't help but remember those words that stood out to him the most.

“Begin a relationship with who I choose…?”

“I just wish I would've had time to meet the right one before this… now It just feels wrong to love someone”

Whatever it was... he noticed it, your pain, your scars, your cuts, your cries.

And you had no idea how much he wanted to help you, get you out of that misery that you had been going through, make you the happiest woman alive, make you smile and laugh everyday. He really wanted to… but he truthfully had no idea how…

Hongjoong’s voice echoed from the end of the room, concerned and attentive he asked “Mingi? Are you okay?”

Mingi snapped back to reality at the sound of Hongjoong’s voice as he noticed Jongho looking at him confused.

“Yeah I'm fine.”

Jongho lifted an eyebrow to Mingi's vague response, which was unusual for Mingi especially in a situation when something was bothering him.

“Mingi, you've been spacing out a lot lately, are you sure you're okay?” San asked and Mingi nodded affirmatively, still on cloud nine even after all the check up questions.

“My minds been filled up but with a bit of water it'll go away.” Mingi confirmed, slowly bringing himself to the small couch where his water bottle was, he drank a bit and began scrolling on his phone to clear his mind and allow a distraction, however it was hard, and no one was there to deny it.

He knew the members would all be the same if they heard everything you said, it was chilling knowing that no one was trustworthy nowadays. Not even the people who are supposed to support the country and fight for the right, because they hid dark secrets that would get anyone killed.

But the question still lingered…

Who...?

“You told someone didn't you..?”

“I don't know if I said anything or mentioned any names…”

“You jerk…” the prince spoke, with an aggressive tone to his voice.”

“At least I'm not denying it.” You waved your hand up in the air and he glanced over at you biting his thumb lightly while desperately looking around for any possible witnesses before pushing you against the wall.

“Didn't I tell you not to talk to anyone about it...?

“Look, truthfully I could blackmail you anytime I wanted but do you see me doing that?”

“If you tried I'd know who the unknown messenger is.”

“Keep telling yourself that” you responded knowing he would be unable to hurt you because of the audioless CCTV camera in the alley.

Quickly slamming his fist against the wall, he let himself wander away before returning to you.

“So you don't know if you told anyone??”

“No, I really can't tell you an honest answer because I don't know.”

“And all because you were drinking!? What princess does that?”

“And what prince runs illegal rings?”

The prince shot a glance at you partly eyeing the camera that was hidden in the corner of the dark remote area.

“I’ll let you go this time. But if you dare to tell anyone else, I will find you.”

“Yes… from here I promise to keep this pretty mouth shut.” You teased him as he flinched slightly and turned back to look at you with invasive eyes and a malicious look that held nothing but trouble.

Nothing more was said, he let you go and he himself left. He had a meeting and couldn't waste too much time with you, you watched him leave as you made the turn just to see a shadow at the end of the alley.

“Good to see you Mingi.”

Mingi flinched and quickly ran up to you, holding your arms in place and shaking you frantically, concerned for your well-being.

“What was that all about!? Are you in danger-”

“Answer me one thing Mingi… how much did I say that night?” Your voice was monotone, low and tired, Mingi leaned back for a moment, a little scared by your sudden change in attitude.

“Y/n, don't stress yourself you didn't say too much, all you mentioned was that there was this prince that couldn't be trusted because he was involved in some bad things, you didn't tell us what or who!” Mingi was truly frantic, scared for your well-being, unwilling to make you feel guilty or bad for breaking a random deal that you had with someone who was untrustworthy and a danger.

“That's a relief… Mingi please don't say a word about it. Forget that night even happened.”

Mingi just nodded, listening to you but more focused on all the scars that surrounded your visible skin, looking at all the fresh and old cuts on your sensitive body.

“I can't let you live like this Y/n…” you heard Mingi say as you glanced up at him with a small chuckle coming out of you.

“Don't be silly.” You responded, slowly retreating yourself from the scene and bringing yourself back to the main road, the safer and more comfortable area.

“Before you go… at least let me take care of you. I can tell you haven't been doing so-” Mingi called out from behind, you turned around with a confused look, eyes focused on the person who you considered a friend and visibly cared for.

You managed to mutter a nervous “What are you talking about?” followed by a light chuckle, slowly turning around to face him fully as he approached you, pushing your hair behind your ear and resting his hands on your shoulders.

“Why do you do this to yourself? You should love yourself… not cut yourself.”

You visibly stopped moving, looking down and seeing all the easily spotted bruises that you didn't notice were in plain sight, you quickly put on your jacket and began to retreat from the main road, attempting to get away from him in order so you wouldn't have to be faced with the same embarrassment.

“Y/n… let me love you. Let me show you what true care feels like. Allow me to demonstrate what I really feel towards you tonight. Give me permission to kiss you all night, hug you all night. Let me get out all of these feelings and give you the chance to feel true happiness and freedom.”

You felt your back push against a wall as Mingi's face got closer to yours, you felt his hands slowly grip your waist in place as he began to bring himself down to the crook of your neck, giving it small pecks and kisses.

“Mingi- this is wrong… stop..”

“Y/n… let me show you what you have been craving for, love and freedom… I wanna be there for you when you need it, be the first to celebrate your wins, be the first shoulder you cry on, be the first person to give you tips on things… Even if we can't be in a relationship, at least allow me to be your best friend, because no matter what I wanna be there for your moments of grief or joy. I don't wanna watch you get with someone who you do not feel anything for, but if I can even just do one thing to make you feel better, or get a smile out of you… I'll do it.”

Unknowing how to respond, you brought your hands to his back as you felt his long fingers trace along your thighs.

You felt some sense of reassurance as you brought yourself to slowly wrap your arms around his neck and give him a slow and wet kiss, the reality felt so unreal for a moment to the point that you didn't know if you were dreaming… you both lost track of time as you entered your own worlds with the simple help of lip to lip contact.

“I love you so much…”

“I love you too… but this can't happen- we can happen…”

Mingi looked at you slowly, giving you the softest eyes you had ever seen.

“It only takes once to find true love… I found it…” you heard him mumble as he landed a kiss on your temple.

“Stop doing this… you're making things harder for me… I'm trying to stay away from you but you just continue coming and looking at me with those eyes, talking to me with that voice… how many times do I have to tell you that this is wrong! This relationship between us can't happen!”

Tears began streaming down your cheeks, slowly hitting your lips and falling onto the concrete, Mingi's fingers slowly came up and caressed your cheek, bringing a kiss to your ear.

“If it can't happen today, I'll look for you in my next life… I'm sorry I couldn't help but in our next life I'll make you the happiest woman alive. I promise, I'll make you my wife in the future…"

"I promise…”

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