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itstheoneshot · 3 years

Text

Alone

Summary: You have closed yourself off to all those around you, preventing others from knowing about your trauma. It is getting worse every day, and someone is bound to find out eventually.

Word Count: 10k

Pairing: Tao x Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Domestic Violence (by father to reader), Anxiety and Mental Health Issues, Unprotected Sex.

You stand in your bathroom in front of the mirror as you apply your makeup, and you wince in pain as you add yet another layer of concealer around your eye. The bruise left behind by your father is so dark and your eye is bloodshot too, blood vessels popped in them from the sharp blow, though you have no choice but to cover it, as you have to leave in just a few minutes. You do not want to raise any suspicions, and you absolutely do not want anyone to see that you have been hurt.

You are a trainee at L.Tao Entertainment, and today is the day of your monthly catch up with the CEO, Huang Zitao. You feel as though you have had a thousand of these before, having been a trainee for over a year and a half, and you are now close with Zitao, though this is not surprising, as he does not treat any of his trainees as a lower status than himself, he is always so kind.

You stand back to admire yourself, checking under different lighting to make sure that your black eye is fully covered before you finally leave the bathroom. You quietly collect your bag, just carrying your wallet and a little bit of makeup, and you take extra care in closing the front door behind you silently as you leave your house.

It is not until you are at least ten minutes away from your house that you feel your hands cease their shaking, they are gripped so hard to the steering wheel that your knuckles are white. Your anxiety is at an almost unmanageable level, though responsibility outweighs your ability to truly feel and process all that is happening to you.

You are nervous about your meeting today, as the last month has been worse than ever, the abuse more frequent, your self care has all but ceased to exist, you are barely sleeping, barely eating, you are a mess all of the time. You hope that you can pull it together for Zitao, as you truly do not want to worry him at all.

As you pull into the parking lot of the L.Tao building, you sit in your car and attempt to give yourself a pep talk, holding back the tears that are threatening to fall. You know that most likely even a single tear would be enough to uncover the bruise you had worked so hard to hide, so you try to distract yourself and boost your confidence, as you warm up your vocals alone in your car.

You sing through the song that you have been given, of course one of Zitao’s, and you try not to let the lyrics sting you too much, though they are so close to home. The song that he chose for you was Alone, and even just the opening verse has you needing to stop to collect yourself before you lose it.

To tell the truth, it really doesn’t matter

Being alone isn’t so bad

Those worries and sorrows

Disappear in a world of music

The words ring so true, your escape is here, your escape is filling your lungs and singing until you cannot think straight. When you are not at home, you are not so afraid, less on edge, you are braver than you are behind closed doors.

Or you were until recently, when the beatings started to get worse. Your father’s work has not been doing so well, his drinking has picked up, and without your mother around to take half of the blows, you were his outlet, to hurt more than anyone else ever had.

You were so angry at your mother, for leaving you behind when she left your father. She knew what he would do, hell, she was a victim of his too... but you were too much trouble for her, not worth saving, so she bailed out, and she ran off without a second look back at you.

God it hurt, holy shit it fucking hurt. You truly were so alone, though a lot of that was your own fault, having cut yourself off from everyone close to you, especially over the last month since it has been really bad. You barely spoke to any of the other trainees, and you politely declined the offer every Friday night to go out for drinks with everyone. Instead, always choosing to go home and hide in your room, hoping that your father would not get angry at you again, as if your mother leaving was your fault, and not his.

Maybe it was though, as the frequent beatings had started to make you believe. Maybe if you had been more successful, more likeable, maybe if you had been able to debut already, your parents would have liked you more and not fought constantly. Maybe if you had picked a different career, they would not be so disappointed in you. What kind of 24 year old still lived at home without a real job? Were you really cut out to make it in the entertainment industry? Is your singing good enough? Acting? Songwriting?

Your mind races with self-doubt and doubts implanted by the people who were supposed to care for you, but did not. Sure, you have made it this far, but you are not sure whether you are good enough to make it any further.

You compose yourself, fixing your hair quickly before you pick up your bag and get out of your car. You walk slowly into the building, as each step closer to Zitao’s office has you shuddering with more anxiety than the last.

You know that Zitao has a soft spot for you, or had, probably, who knows anymore... You had spent a lot of time together, prior to closing yourself off from the world. You were worried about that too, about him asking you why you were being distant, and you were praying that he possibly had not noticed.

———

Knock, Knock

Not a moment later, the door to Zitao’s office opens for you and you come face to face with the almost 6’1 tall man. He is dressed casually, to no surprise, wearing one of his own brand’s t-shirts over a pair of black basketball shorts. Though you are not dressed too differently, wearing high waisted shorts and a loose cropped tee, comfortable and cute.

“Good morning, come in.” He smiles at you sweetly, stepping back from the door and gesturing you inside.

You bow politely before walking inside, and you raise a brow at him as he laughs at you.

“You don’t need to bow for me, I have told you this before.” He continues, and playfully nudges you with his shoulder as you walk together to his desk.

“Sorry gege.” You reply quietly, keeping your head down as you speak.

Zitao pulls a chair out for you to sit, and you catch yourself before you bow your thanks to him again. You watch as he walks around to the other side of the desk and you wait for him to speak. He gazes at you momentarily in thought, as if he does not know what to say, and you begin to feel that anxiety bubble up inside you again.

“I haven’t heard you sing for a while, are you warmed up?” He asks, and you are grateful that he has avoided any hard questions.

You nod, and he motions for you to begin whenever you are ready.

You stand up and step away from the desk just a little. You take deep, metered breaths as you focus on the lyrics, running through them in your head before Zitao counts you in.

Wipe away your tears and tell me

Tell me, tell me

Tell me the truth, exactly what was

Worth making you cry, letting you down, and making you sad?

You feel Zitao’s eyes on you as he stares intently, and this makes you more self conscious than you thought possible. With each passing second, you feel your voice falter a little, and you struggle to make it all the way to the end of the song, though you manage to push through.

You feel your body shaking as you kneel down on the floor where you are, not even feeling up to walking back over to Zitao’s desk. You can’t bear to look at Zitao, as you are so worried that he is disappointed in you, because you are so much so with yourself.

“Oh tián xīn, is something wrong? Your voice is usually so strong…” Zitao asks, his tone is soft and full of concern.

You feel your cheeks burn red at the pet name Zitao just gave you, sweetheart, as you have never once been called that, not by anyone. Sure, you had dated before, but all men had ever wanted from you was a quick fuck, and in your desperate lonely state, you had allowed them to take that from you.

It is only a short moment later that you hear footsteps, and you lift your chin to see Zitao as he sits beside you on the floor. You can feel his worries emanating from him, and you feel guilty for not having been able to hide your emotions. Your heart begins to race, palpitating in your chest erratically, the rhythm is off, though you try to keep a level head.

“I really struggled when I was a trainee, too.” Zitao speaks, breaking the silence.

You are grateful that he chose not to push his previous question, as you do not think you would be able to answer it truthfully.

“It was scary. I felt alone a lot of the time, even though I lived with others. Having to learn Korean was hard, I missed my family.” He continues, watching the way that you listen to him intently, not wanting to miss a word.

“I had horrific anxiety. I could barely sleep or eat, and I knew that I had to work hard, but all I wanted to do was cry every day.” Zitao admits.

You know that now is your time to speak up, and that it is important that Zitao opened up to you this way. Admitting his fears and struggles to you in order to make you feel less alone was so kind, but of course it was, he is lovely.

“I’m sorry you went through that, gege.” You mumble, still trying to hold yourself together.

Zitao shakes his head, not needing your sympathy. The struggles that he has been through only made him stronger, only led him to where he is today. A successful young businessman, an entertainer, and a kind, loving person.

“You should come to me when you’re feeling worried, that’s what I’m here for.” Zitao informs you, and he seems saddened that you have not.

“I’m sorry gege,” You start, “I should have said something.”

Though you do not know what you should have said, so that part may have been a lie. Were you supposed to knock on his office door, walk in and say ‘Hi, Zitao. My father beats me to a pulp multiple times a week, I hope that isn’t a problem for you?’ You cannot imagine anything more humiliating than that.

“Please don’t apologise, tián xīn…” He sighs, adding in that fucking sweet name again, “Just remember for next time, okay?”

You barely manage a nod, you truly are grateful for his kind words, but even just the idea of him knowing about your secrets is too much to think about.

“You need to relax, doll. It’s okay.” He soothes.

Zitao reaches over towards you, and you involuntarily flinch. It was obvious, too, almost jumping up from the ground in fright, and you know that Zitao noticed, as his eyes were wide and full of concern.

It is now, when instead of moving away, that Zitao takes his arm over your shoulders, he is gentle and slow as he moves, making sure that you are aware of this before it happens.

It is now that you burst into tears, unable to hold them back anymore. Zitao is quiet, though this is a tactical move for him, not wanting to push you, but wanting you to know that he is there. Your cries are silent, but tears flow steadily down your cheeks, streaking your mascara and… revealing your black eye.

You realise this as Zitao’s jaw hangs open for a moment, staring at you with sparkling eyes that you swear could have tears in them too. Though he blinks twice, showing his strength, knowing that it is not the time for him to be upset, not when you are so broken.

“Who hurt you?” He asks.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” You reply, struggling to make eye contact through your heavy cries.

Zitao lets go of you, moving to stand and walk back to his desk, and you lift your gaze as he appears back in front of you. He holds his hand out flat to show you that he is holding a tissue, and then he slowly moves his hand to your cheek, dabbing gently at your tears. You can tell that he is scared to frighten you, his slow and steady movements are proof of this.

You manage to slow your tears to a stop, though your breathing is still staggered and uneven. You watch as Zitao stands up again, placing the tissue in his pocket before holding his arms out toward you, very clearly wanting you to take his hands.

“Come here.” He offers you.

It takes you a moment to process, and you are so apprehensive as you reach up to join your hands with his, but you do. They are so soft, warm, and inviting, already helping to cease your worries just a little bit. Zitao is gentle as he helps you stand, and he guides you to come closer to him, as he lets your hands go so that he can hold you instead. One arm splayed out on the small of your back, while the other holds you higher, up around your shoulders.

“Please tell me to stop if this is too much.” Zitao tells you, “You just… you need this, don’t you, sweet baobei? You aren’t used to people caring about you.”

You nod into his chest, as every word he says is the truth. You do not remember the last time anyone held you like this, not with so much warmth and welcome. You feel yourself begin to cry again, and you press your head further into his shirt, willing yourself to stop.

“All of my trainees are important to me.” He begins, “But you are special, tián xīn, I care about you, so much.”

This almost sends you spiralling, as you do not believe that you deserve to be cared about, and again, you do not remember the last time that someone told you they cared. You wonder whether your parents ever had, but no matter how hard you tried to think, you can’t recall a single occasion.

“Can I help you? What can I do?” Zitao asks, sincerity in his words.

“I don’t want to go home.” You reply, with instant regret as you understand that now Zitao is well aware of exactly who hurt you.

“We can arrange somewhere for you to stay.” Zitao replies simply, as if housing you is not a problem or burden for him at all.

You pout your lips, nodding thanks to him. The idea of being able to escape is too much for you to process, so you break eye contact to lean into his chest again. Zitao runs his fingers through your hair, as you breathe in his cologne, feeling the way his chest rises and falls, listening to his heartbeat.

“You are too beautiful to be crying like this.” Zitao concurs, holding you closer as you even out your breaths.

Zitao leans down to press a soft kiss on the crown of your head, and you feel yourself involuntarily tighten your arms around his waist. You do not want to let go, you do not want to think about anything anymore. You are so sick of being weak, and sad, and lonely, god, you are so fucking sick of being lonely.

You regret pushing everyone away, as you are in the arms of your CEO, you realise just how much you were lacking, how much you needed this. You had let your parents’ words destroy you, they had you convinced that you did not deserve to be cared for, you were a burden, a waste of space and time, irrelevant.

You regret showing your weakness, as by shutting yourself away, you have attempted to stay strong. Now that your front was up, and the closest person to you now knows about your demons, about the battle that you have been facing alone.

Though the way that Zitao holds you close, whispering affirmations to comfort you, reassures you that he does not blame you for closing yourself off. You rest your head against his broad chest, counting his heartbeat to keep you from thinking about anything else.

This man brings you so much comfort, with the way that he does not treat you any differently, despite his obviously superior hierarchy, you are his equal, though you are his student. The minutes pass by as you pull yourself together both for him, and for you.

“I don’t want to burden you, gege.” You whisper, still plagued with guilt at his offer to house you so that you can escape the violence inflicted on you at home.

Zitao pulls you back from his embrace, holding you out at arms length to make eye contact with you. He stares at you with those beautiful, bright eyes that you find yourself lost in every time that you speak.

“Keeping you safe is not a burden. Please do not think of yourself as a burden.” He pleads, and you can see just how much your self-loathing hurts him, too.

You bite your lip, nodding at Zitao again. You feel as if your world is crashing down around you, and while you know that moving away from your father is a good thing, you cannot help but be afraid, so fucking afraid.

“You need a break, doll. Have you eaten today?” Zitao asks you.

You shake your head, shit, you cannot remember the last time that you ate at all. Coffee surely does not count as food, though that is all that has been sustaining you for a while, apart from a few small bites of whatever you can muster in between. It has to have been a few days at least, if not more.

“I haven’t eaten.” You reply, being too afraid to lie to him, and not really sure whether he would believe you if you had tried to anyway.

“Then we’re going. Come on, I’ll drive.” He responds, letting go of you to turn and walk back to his desk.

He slings your bag over his shoulder, and takes your hand to lead you out of his office. He takes you to the elevator, and you turn to face him once you are inside and the elevator shifts to take you down to the basement floor where the parking lot is.

“You don’t have to do this, I am sure you are really busy.” You tell him.

“I am busy, I am taking care of you. This is what I have chosen to do, baobei. We are going to get you something to eat, and I am going to keep you company.” He replies simply, trying to tell you that you really are not inconveniencing him at all.

It is clear that you do not believe him, your expression tells him exactly that, as your brows furrow and your lips pout. This makes Zitao laugh though, not taking it personally, as although he does not know what has happened to you, he can empathise and understand that whatever it is, has messed you up.

“Please stop stressing, tián xīn. I want this, please just go along with me, okay?” He asks.

“Fine…” You sigh, “Thank you, Taozi.”

Your eyes widen and your jaw drops as you realise that for once, you did not refer to him as older brother, but by his name instead, not even his name, but his nickname.

“Taozi is fine.” He interrupts you before you are able to apologise, reading your mind.

You smile at him, as you reach his car, far out, it is nice… a newest model Maclaren, worth more money than you could even dream of seeing in your whole life. You stand back as Zitao opens the door for you, and he holds your hand while you get in before closing it again.

———

You sit in silence while Zitao walks around to the driver’s side, and soon enough he is pulling out of the lot and onto the street. The car drives like a dream, smooth, fast, and you find yourself mesmerised watching Zitao behind the wheel. Your emotions are all over the place today, from sobbing into his chest, to your eyes being glued to the way that his hands grip tight to the steering wheel, you have no idea what you are feeling anymore.

“I know the perfect place.” Zitao speaks his thoughts aloud, turning down a side street to park his car outside a restaurant.

As he stops the car, Zitao turns to see you looking at yourself in your front-facing camera on your phone. Your bruise is so evident, mascara streaks run down your face, and you are terrified for anyone to see you looking like this. You have makeup in your bag, but you are not sure that you can fix the state that you are in, not without removing it all and starting all over again from scratch.

“Here.” Zitao offers you, turning to reach behind the driver's seat

He pulls a cap out and hands it to you, and watches as you put it on, pulling it down to shield your eyes from view.

“Much better.” He commentates, before opening the door and stepping out of the car.

You follow Zitao, walking beside him quietly, staring at the ground in fear that you will be recognised, and that your streaked, bruised face will be seen by someone other than the man that you are currently with. The restaurant is quiet, which is a relief, and you are guided to a table in the back corner.

Zitao orders for you, clearly knowing the place well, not needing to waste time with a menu, and once the waiter leaves, you lift your head to make eye contact with your boss.

"Thank you, Taozi." You mumble, grateful to be somewhere quiet, as you are still so overwhelmed by all that has happened today.

“Again, you don’t need to thank me.” He replies, reaching across to take your hand in his.

He interlocks your fingers, warmth radiating from him to you, as he does not break eye contact. You share silence, though it brings a sense of calm to you. You can’t remember the last time you sat in silence without feeling an impending doom, and it is so refreshing.

It only takes a few minutes for your food to be served, and you both thank the waiter before picking up your chopsticks and beginning to eat. Dan Dan noodles, spicy, topped with all your favourite garnishes, it is perfect, and as you slowly take your first bite, you watch as Zitao happily shovels down twice as much as you had been able to eat.

“What?” He asks between bites.

“Oh, nothing.” You say, feeling your cheeks burn red as you had been caught staring, “It’s really good, thank you.”

Zitao gives you a blank look, though his lips curl up in a smile, as you are reminded of the same three words he has repeated to you over and over today.

“Don’t thank you, I know.” You state sarcastically, laughing as Zitao cracks up.

You return your focus to your food, slowly managing to consume some, though your body does not allow you to get through much. It has been too long since you have attempted to eat a whole meal, but you eat what you can before placing your chopsticks down.

Zitao smiles at you, glad to have seen you eat, as he continues eating, picking up his bowl to drink the last of the broth.

“Let’s go. I have more I’d like to do today.” Zitao says, standing up as you readjust your cap.

You follow him to the counter, and stand silently beside him as he pays for your meal. You then follow him back to his car, standing aside as he opens the door for you again, and you wonder if you will ever get over just how fucking cool this car is.

Zitao starts the car and pulls back out onto the road, and once again you find yourself lost staring at him as he drives so effortlessly. Zitao catches you again, pulling that same smirk that he had at the restaurant when he saw you watching him. He reaches across to take your hand, and this is when you look out in front of you and realise what street you are driving on.

———

You feel bile rise in your throat as a sense of dread washes over you, and as each house passes by, you get closer and closer to exactly where you do not want to be going.

“Zitao, what are you doing?” You ask him.

“You don’t have any of your belongings, do you? No clothes, things like that?” He asks in response.

“I don’t.” You reply, “But I can’t go in there.”

You know that your father will be home, he was far too drunk last night to have been well enough to go to work today, if he was even offered a shift in the first place.

“I’ll come in with you, doll.” Zitao says, attempting to calm you, but only making you more anxious.

“No Taozi, that's worse. You can’t, it’s not… It’s not safe.” You are stuttering by now, barely able to process, let alone speak words through your anxiety.

Zitao does not listen, and seconds later he is standing with the passenger’s side door open, pulling you out of the car by your hands. He shuts the door and locks the car, slipping the keys into his pocket before dragging you up the path to your front door.

“No, no, no, no, please Taozi.” You beg him.

“We’ll be quick, tián xīn. I’m here for support, we’ll be in and out, okay?” He assures you.

You know that you have no choice, and deep down you know that this means you will be one step closer to freedom, though this is so fucking dangerous.

“We need to be dead silent.” You warn him, knowing that your father is inside but most likely still asleep.

“No problem.” Taozi responds in a whisper.

You do your best to open the front door as quietly as possible, then both yourself and Zitao take off your shoes before walking inside. You grab Zitao’s hand and lead him up the stairs to your room, and you find yourself wondering if you have ever had anyone come over to your house, but not from your memory at all, as you have always tried to hide the chaos that is your home life.

“How can I help?” He mouths to you, not wanting to make a sound.

You turn to your wardrobe, picking out two duffel bags from the top shelf and handing one to Zitao.

“Just take anything from here.” You whisper to him, pointing to the rack of clothes under where you just got the bags from.

Zitao nods, turning to the wardrobe to do as you had asked, while you make your way over to your drawers. You begin to take out your underwear, silently laughing at the unused sets of lingerie, asking yourself why you even own them. You grab your socks and stockings and the like, and then fit your shoes into the bag before zipping it up.

In the time that you have collected what you need, Zitao has filled two bags with all of your clothes. You quickly grab a final bag to collect your jewellery and any other things that you do not want to leave behind. Phone charger, the rest of your makeup, and the like, and as you turn back to Zitao, he has three bags slung across his shoulders.

“I can take them.” You offer him, though he shakes his head at you.

You hold just the one bag, and you tilt your head towards the door to motion that you are ready to leave. Zitao nods, and he follows as you walk back towards the stairs that you came up not even ten minutes ago.

You are not even a foot away from the door when your nightmares become a reality, as a booming voice behind you stops you dead in your tracks.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He spits.

You turn around slowly, coming face to face with your father. Looking disheveled and filthy, you can tell that he has only just woken up and peeled himself off the sofa as you were walking down the stairs.

“I’m leaving.” You reply, your voice is shaky, and you feel your knees wobble under you as you try to hold yourself together.

Your father opens and closes his mouth as he tries to think of what to say next, and he turns his gaze to focus on the tall man beside you. Zitao keeps a straight face, showing the strength that you wish you could have.

“I didn’t say you could leave.” Your father says, his tone is level and calm, which is an indicator to you that he is beyond mad.

“It is for work, sir.” Zitao lies, “She has to go.”

Your father’s face begins to turn red, and you instinctively raise your hands to shield yourself.

“I didn’t ask you,” He directs his words at Zitao, “She is not leaving.”

The next moment is a blur, as your father steps toward you with a closed fist, and you prepare for the impending blow. Though of course, as you should have expected, Zitao pulls you out of the way, hiding you behind him as your father gets him right in the face. This knocks him back into you, though you keep your balance and grab his hand, pulling him back from your father as he himself falls to the floor.

You take the opportunity and run, scuffing your shoes on at the door before slamming it behind you. Zitao has his free hand at his face, holding his nose as blood pours from it, though you don’t have the chance to feel guilty as adrenaline courses through you. You run to Zitao’s car, and he lets go of your hand to pull his keys out of his pocket. He unlocks the car and you take your bags from him to put behind your seat.

Zitao walks around to the driver's seat just as you get the last of your bags into the car, and you close the door behind you before reaching into your bag for a tissue.

“Are you going to be okay to drive?” You ask him worriedly as he hurriedly shoves his keys into the ignition.

“I’m fine, Baobei, I have had worse.” He replies, holding the tissue that you handed to him up to his nose to catch the blood.

Your adrenaline rush begins to slow down, and you slowly begin to calm, knowing that you do not have to see your father again. Though your calm soon shifts to worry as you look over at Zitao, feeling immeasurable guilt for dragging him into this, and for getting him hurt.

———

You are not sure where he is taking you, as he speeds through the streets with little care for the speed limit, clearly determined to get to his chosen destination. He repeatedly reassures you that he is alright, while you mutter apologies as every response, until he pulls into an underground car park at a beautiful apartment complex in the centre of the city.

You take your bags out of the car, and try to argue as Zitao takes two of them from you, but you quieten as he shoots you a look that tells you, ‘just let me do this’. He leads you away from the car, and to an elevator in which he hits the top floor button, before leaning back against the wall and letting out a deep, pained groan. You reach up to stroke his cheek gently, watching as he attempts to conceal his pained expression.

“Come.” He tells you, as the elevator door opens to the top floor.

You follow Zitao out into the hallway, and walk together to the front door of what you are safe to assume is his own apartment. He swipes a keycard at the door and ushers you inside, and unsurprisingly his apartment is just as lavish as his car is. God, so much of his furniture is white, and you instantly worry about bloodstains as Zitao walks in front of you.

You have no idea where you are going, but you find the dining room and instruct Zitao to sit on a chair at the long dining table.

“Where’s your bathroom?” You ask him.

“Second door on the right.” He replies, pointing in the direction that you had just come from.

You jog down the hall, opening the door to the bathroom and gasping at the sight. It is fucking beautiful, with a bath large enough to fit two people, spotless, and a beautiful mirrored wall. You regain focus, as you open up the cabinet under the counter to find anything you can use for first aid; alcohol wipes, gauze, antibacterial cream and painkillers.

You sprint back to the kitchen, and are thankful to see that Zitao has not moved. Nursing his nose, though the bleeding has stopped, he glances up at you with a smile as you place the medical kit beside him on the dining table.

He turns his chair to face you, and you stand between his legs as you prepare to patch him up.

“Please tell me if this hurts too much.” You urge him as you take a wipe out of its wrapping.

Zitao hisses as you take the wipe to his nose, grabbing your free hand and interlocking his fingers with yours. You try to be as gentle as possible as you lean in closer to inspect him once you have cleaned up enough blood to see it clearly.

“It doesn’t look broken, Taozi. How does it feel?” You ask, turning to the table to swap out the dirty wipe for another clean one.

“It’s okay, doll. Thank you.” He replies, taking the wipe from you to clean his bloodstained hands.

You turn to walk into the adjacent kitchen, fetching a glass of water to bring back to Zitao. You hand it to him, and pop a couple of painkillers out from the blister pack for him to take. You watch as he tilts his head back to swallow the pills with a mouthful of water, placing the half-empty glass beside him once he is done.

“I’m sorry,” He sighs, reaching out to take both of your hands, “I was supposed to be looking after you today, not the other way around.”

You laugh at this, the ridiculousness of his statement has you in hysterics. The man saved you from your abusive father. You having to patch up a blood nose is the least you could do to thank him for what he has done.

“Huang Zitao, you do not need to apologise, oh my god.” You reply, exasperated, “I can never repay you for what you’ve helped me do today. Patching you up is nothing, shit, I should be apologising for my father hitting you.”

Zitao pulls you closer to him, staring up at you, only a little taller than him from his seated position. He looks saddened by your words, and you are not sure what you could have said differently to not make him so.

“Can you please tell me what happened? When did this start?” He asks you.

You had expected this question, and had already begun to mentally prepare for it, too. You knew it was inevitable, so you turn and let go of one of Zitao’s hands to pull a chair up behind you. You still sit close together, and he takes your hand again and waits for you to speak.

“My father has always been this way, ever since I can remember.” You begin.

Your mind floods with childhood memories, of you cowering under your bed while your parents screamed at each other in the next room.

You remember the first time that your father hit you, after you dropped a set of chopsticks on the floor when you were tidying one night after dinner.

You remember hoping that your mother would save you, though you quickly learnt that she would not, as she realised that every time you took a blow, it was one that she did not.

“When I was a kid, really young, I guess… It is all a blur. But when my mother was around, she was the one my father targeted the most.” You continue, remembering the bruises you would see on your mother’s face every day.

“Tián xīn, I am so sorry I didn’t know.” Zitao interjects, raising one of his hands, and yours along with it, to graze your cheek.

“It got worse when my mother left, a month ago. I don’t know why she stayed so long, but then she left, and left me behind.” You go on, remembering the look on your father’s face when he arrived home to see all of your mother’s belongings gone.

You start to cry again, though Zitao catches your tears with his thumb. You take a moment to collect yourself, trying to work out what you are supposed to say next.

“It hurts, Taozi. It really fucking hurts. Why did she leave me behind? Why did my parents never love me? What did I do to deserve this?” You sob, once more becoming an inconsolable mess.

Zitao stands up, pulling you into his arms again to try and talk you down. God, you feel so fucking pathetic, and so exhausted after your adrenaline rush of a day.

“You don’t deserve any of the awful things that happened to you. I’m so fucking sorry that you’ve gone through this, and I promise you that I am going to make sure that you are only treated well from here on out.” Zitao assures you.

You hear his words, but struggle to believe them. You have never been able to trust, not after everything that has happened. Though upon reflection, your actions today prove otherwise, you have trusted Zitao with your deepest secrets, hell, you got him punched in the face by your father because you trusted him enough to help you escape.

As your tears begin to slow, you raise your hand to your mouth to stifle a yawn, shit, you are so tired. Zitao notices this, and leans back so that he can gaze down at you.

“Sleepy, tián xīn?” He asks you sweetly.

You nod with pouted lips, feeling your eyes flutter shut momentarily before shooting open as you are suddenly picked up off the ground. Zitao hushes you, reminding you that you are safe, as he carries you out of the dining room and down the hallway.

You feel yourself blush as he enters his bedroom and gently places you down on the bed, and you hide your face in the pillow while Zitao pulls the covers up over you.

“Do you need me to stay?” He asks.

“No, it’s okay.” You reply, flustered at the idea of Zitao seeing you asleep.

“I won’t be far,” He nods, “You just call out if you need me, okay?”

“Thank you, Taozi.” You respond, your words slurring, as your eyes cannot stay open any longer.

The last thing you feel before sleep succumbs you, is a gentle kiss pressed to your forehead, and then you drift off into slumber.

———

You see your father in front of you, his fist is closed as you cower on the floor in the corner of your bedroom. You feel that your head is bleeding, and you cry out in pain, begging him to stop as he laughs at you, using you as his personal punching bag. It hurts so bad, receiving blow after blow, you can’t stop screaming, it fucking hurts.

———

You are brought back to reality as you are pulled from beneath the bedcovers into Zitao’s arms, half-dazed and in a sense of panic as you slowly realise that it was only a nightmare. You bury your face in his neck, wrapping your arms around him, not wanting to be apart from him at all, needing him to bring you back to earth. In your lost state, you climb onto him, into his lap, legs hooked around his hips as you shake in fear.

“Baobei… it’s okay, I’m here, you’re safe.” He whispers, stroking your hair and trying to soothe you.

“Don’t let me go,” You blubber, “Please, please don’t let me go.”

“I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Zitao replies, holding you closer to match the intensity that you have.

You feel yourself calming to his touch, as with one hand he combs his fingers through your hair, while the other traces shapes down your back. You nuzzle into him, momentarily forgetting how fucking inappropriate it is for you to be this close to your CEO, though as you have ascertained, he never treated you as anything less than him anyway.

“Are you okay?” He asks you softly, turning his head just slightly so that he can make eye contact, but not moving away.

You can feel his breath on your lips, and with each passing second you find yourself forgetting your nightmare, and only focusing on the man whose waist you are straddling.

“Yes, I’m okay.” You whisper back, trying your fucking hardest not to focus on just how close his lips are to yours, heart racing fast from the nightmare and now… this.

You attempt to move back, not wanting to be awkwardly on top of him now that your crying has settled down, but Zitao holds you still until you relax, until you realise that this is where he wants you to be, and until you accept that this is where you want to be, too.

“I want to take care of you.” Zitao repeats his earlier sentiment, though his tone is firmer this time.

“I want that, too.” You reply honestly, as you can truly say you have never felt the sense of security that you feel right now.

You sit in silence, legs still wrapped tight around his waist, focused on nothing but his breathing for what feels like an eternity. You are too afraid to move, or speak, as you await Zitao to make the first move.

“Tián xīn, may I kiss you?” Zitao asks.

You feel a flame ignite in the deepest pits of your stomach, as Zitao’s hands move to hold your waist, and you process his request.

“Please, Taozi.” You answer, right now wanting nothing more than to taste the lips you are so damn close to feeling.

———

Zitao leans in first, slowly so as to not alarm you, he takes a hand to your cheek as he gently kisses you for the first time. It is as if time stands still, as if nothing else does or has ever existed, apart from right now. You are left breathless by only a single kiss, as Zitao pulls back to admire you.

“Please don’t stop.” You beg him, wanting his warmth, his comfort, and his soft lips pressed to yours.

“I don’t want to stop.” He replies, bringing you closer to him again.

This time, you bring your own hands up to hold his face, while his hand moves from your waist to grip the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. You wonder how long Zitao has wanted to do this, and you wonder why it has taken you so long to realise just how much you had wanted this, too.

Zitao deepens the kiss, running his tongue along your bottom lip to indicate that he wants more. Your tongue intertwines with his, and you find yourself addicted from the very first second, combing your fingers through his hair to keep him close to you. You tighten your grip with your legs around his hips, leaving no space at all between you, and you mould perfectly to him, as if this is exactly where you were always meant to be.

You have never felt anything like this, as fireworks erupt in you, you run your fingers down his back to find the hem of his shirt, though you are apprehensive to do anything more than trace along the skin that shows from the material riding up. You feel Zitao smirk into your kiss, and he playfully nips your bottom lip before pulling back.

“You want something, my tián xīn?” He asks you teasingly.

You fluster at his words, as the simple addition of ‘my’ before ‘sweetheart’ brought a whole new meaning to the name. You do not know how to respond, as no matter how hard you try, you cannot find the words to do so.

Zitao takes your hands, and he guides you to grab the hem of his shirt, before helping you to pull it up over his head. You are drawn to his perfect body, hands exploring the now bare skin of his upper half, every inch of him is perfect, sculpted, cared for. You trace the outline of the tattoo on his shoulder, before he takes a hand to your chin to make you meet his gaze once more.

“You’re getting distracted, baobei.” He observes, laughing as he finishes his sentence.

“How could I not?” You ask him, “Have you ever looked at yourself?”

This makes Zitao laugh harder, as he leans in to kiss you again, you can feel how much he is smiling, and this makes you grin right back.

“Why, Taozi? What’s wrong?” You ask, giggling at his expression, as he looks shocked by your sudden increased confidence boost, enough to tease him back.

You can tell that it is taking him a moment to think of a response, though you take the moment of quiet as an opportunity to kiss him, again and again, soft kisses all over his face, memorising every part of him with your lips.

“You do want this too, right?” He asks, “You are really sure?”

This question requires no thought, and you would have laughed if you did not see how serious Zitao was. He really wants you to be comfortable, honest, and he does not want you to feel pressured at all.

“More than anything, Taozi. I want this more than I have wanted anything in the world.” You reply, watching his eyes light up as you speak.

“Oh, doll… you have no fucking idea how happy that makes me.” He gushes, “I’m gonna take care of you, I promise.”

Now armed with your consent and trust, Zitao kisses you harder, as he drags his nails down your back to slip his fingers under your cropped t-shirt to take it off you. He moves to kiss your neck once your shirt has been cast aside, one hand feels up your thigh, while the other finds the clasp of your bra to unfasten it, sliding the cotton off your shoulders and down your arms.

“Shit, you are ethereal.” Zitao sighs, kissing your lips before moving to kiss along your jawline and down your neck.

As he kisses you, he grabs you under your thighs and flips you onto your back. He chuckles as you squeal at the sudden movement, kissing you again to soothe your fears, his steady grip is reassuring to you that you are safe with him.

Zitao moves down from your neck, to kiss across your collarbones and your chest, and as goosebumps raise along your skin, you realise that you have never been kissed like this before, like your body is worth kissing.

As Zitao reaches your breasts, he massages one while giving the other attention with his mouth, nibbling at your perked bud, eliciting a whine out of you that causes him to moan in response. He swaps to give the other breast the same attention, and your fingers knot in his hair as you are blown away by how good he is already making you feel.

Zitao hooks his fingers under the elastic of your high waisted shorts, pausing to gaze up at you for permission before he pulls them down. He takes the material all the way down to your feet, and then slowly kisses up your legs to make his way back to you.

As you look down at your body, you see just how many bruises you have, bruises you had made sure would be covered by your clothing, though are now exposed, with you only wearing panties and nothing else.

“You are still perfect,�� Zitao soothes, reading your mind as he sees you eye your wounds, “I am going to make sure these heal, and you will never get another one again.”

You bite your lip to stop yourself from crying, as Zitao kisses each and every bruise on your body until he meets your lips again. With his body on top of yours, you can feel his growing hardness as he instinctively grinds into you.

You hook a leg over his hip, indicating to him that you want more, but that you are still afraid to ask for it. Zitao senses your hesitation, so again he leads the way, tugging his basketball shorts down his legs and kicking them off at his ankles. Left in just his underwear, the outline of his cock is evident now, and again he catches you staring.

“Soon, doll. I have to get you ready first.” He purrs, finding the elastic waistband of your panties and pinching the fabric between his fingers.

He sits up to pull your panties down, wanting a full view of you as he does this. He stares at you hungrily, soaking you in with his eyes before eventually snapping back to reality and leaning down to kiss you again.

Zitao’s hand traces down your front, slowly making its way to where you so desperately need it. You gasp as his long, slender fingers find your core, toying at your clit momentarily before slipping a finger between your folds to enter you. You bite his bottom lip as you grind your hips into him, surprised by how quickly you want more… it has never… not hurt before.

“More, Taozi?” You ask him softly.

“You sure, baobei? You’re so little.” He inquires, waiting on your nod before slowly inserting a second finger.

You can see how much this is turning Zitao on, as you glance down to see his cock twitch in sync with every thrust of his fingers into you. You arch your back as he rubs circles on your clit, your moans are like music to him, as he kisses up your neck, breathing heavy in your ear. You rake your nails down his back until you reach his underwear, and now desperate for more, you take the elastic and pull them down over his ass, though with him on top of you, you can’t get them down any further.

Zitao helps you, lifting up onto his knees and taking his underwear off, your eyes boggle as you finally get a clear view of his cock. Thick, long, fucking perfect, though you don’t get to stare for long as he comes back to kiss you, two fingers still deep inside your cunt as he focuses on pleasuring you so well.

“My tián xīn, that feels good, doesn’t it? You are doing so well.” He praises you, his fingers working a little harder, faster.

“So… so good… fuck.” You moan as he curls his fingers, finding the spot that instantly has you shaking.

You grip tight to his shoulders, half-attempting to push him off you as he brings you to your climax. A part of you is afraid that this will be over when you are done, but as Zitao grinds into you, his cock red and leaky, you realise that he is nowhere near done.

“Cum doll, wanna feel you suck my fingers in, wanna know I’m doing well.” He urges you, and this is all you need to let go.

Zitao kisses you, over and over through your breathless moans of his name, as he pulls you through an orgasm unlike any other you have ever had. You writhe underneath him, back arched, as your arousal flows from you.

Just as the intensity begins to decrease, Zitao pulls his fingers from you, taking a hand to his cock to stroke himself slick with your wet, before moving to tease your still-desperate hole. He watches you intently, as you plead for him with your eyes, holding him tight and so close to you, loving every second that you are together, really fucking loving it.

“You ready, baobei?” He asks you cautiously.

“Yes, Taozi. I want you.” You beg, desperate for him, needing him so badly.

Zitao distracts you with a passionate kiss, as he slowly pushes into you. It is a stretch, he is fucking huge, but it is not painful, far from it, he fits in you perfectly, and you moan in sync as you are both overcome with pleasure.

“Oh, my girl… it’s like you were made for me.” Zitao drawls, as he pulls back to thrust into you again.

You take him so well, using your legs as support around his hips, guiding him to fuck you harder, deeper, barely able to make a sound as he fucks you so good.

“Maybe I was.” You reply, truly meaning your words.

“I really think so.” Zitao sighs into another kiss.

Nothing made sense to you before this, all you had ever felt was pain, loss, and distrust, but in the arms of Zitao, you felt complete. You felt whole, filled not only by his cock, but by his feelings for you, too. This was meant to be, you were meant to find him, and he was meant to save you right when you needed it the most.

As the gears turn in your head, and you come to fully grasp the reality that this is more than just sex, so much fucking more than sex, you feel yourself begin to tear up. As a single drop falls down your cheek, Zitao kisses the tear to stop it in its tracks, wetting his lips before he kisses yours again.

“My girl, it’s okay. Do we need to stop?” He asks, slowing down.

“No,” You start, pleading with him, “Please don’t stop, please.”

Zitao seems concerned, though he moves to fuck you more sensually, gentle, making every second all the more erotic.

“What’s wrong, tián xīn?” He asks you.

“Nothing, Taozi… it is just so right.” You breathe.

Zitao smiles into your neck, licking a stripe up to your ear, nodding his head as he whispers to you.

“I told you I was gonna take care of you, baobei, and I mean that. Not just now, but always, if that is what you would like?” He replies, without a falter or hint of doubt in his words, just the complete truth.

“I would like that, Taozi. I would like that so much.” You pout, with pleading eyes, begging him to stay true to his words.

“I promise, I promise, I promise.” He repeats himself, trailing off as he focuses on the way you clench around him every time he hits that throbbing nerve inside you, begging for your release again.

Zitao can tell that you are close, and just the thought of you cumming on his cock brings him ever closer, too. He quickened his pace, increased the intensity, wanting to get you there in time for him to finish along with you.

“Taozi, I’m so close, I can’t hold it much longer.” You stutter, raising your hips to meet him every time he thrusts in all the way.

“I’m close too, my girl. Cum with me, together, please?” He asks.

You lean up to kiss him as your body seizes, as your second orgasm is a thousand times more intense than the first. Zitao follows only a moment later, moaning your name as his cock twitches and he finally releases into you. You move as one as you finish together, completely and utterly enamoured by each other, eyes locked and lips swollen from kissing so hard.

Amid deep sighs of exhaustion, Zitao slows down to a stop, already beginning to soften as he holds you still while he pulls out. Eliciting a high-pitched whine due to your oversensitivity, Zitao kisses you once more before rolling onto his back beside you. He leans over to face you, and pulls you in to lay your head on his chest as he lies flat again.

“Was that okay?” He asks you, almost seeming nervous, despite the very-clear double orgasm he gave you.

“The best I’ve ever had, Taozi.” You reply, gazing at him with sparkling eyes.

“Me too.” He agrees, “and I meant what I said, I want you, tián xīn, I want you always.”

You beg yourself not to cry, instead focusing positively on his words. It is too easy to focus on what has happened to you, but it is not worth dwelling on anymore, you cannot control your past.

“I want you, too.” You respond truthfully.

Zitao kisses your forehead, running his fingers through your hair, and your stomach flutters with that of a million butterflies.

“I’m sorry that it took me so long to rescue you. I’m never going to forgive myself for the pain that you went through without me knowing.” He says, and now you feel as if he may cry too.

You shake your head, lifting a finger to his lips to quieten him. You do not want him to think this, or feel this way, as you were the one who shut everyone out, you did it to yourself.

“You saved me, Taozi. What matters is that you saved me, and I am here now… with you.” You assure him, hoping that he will understand that you could never blame him for the misfortunes you had experienced.

“Are you sure?” He asks.

You are not used to seeing this side of him, uncertain and doubting. You move so that you are laying on top of him. Resting your hands on his chest, and your chin on your hands, you make sure he is looking at you as you fight down the nervousness about what you are so bravely going to say.

“Huang Zitao. I love you.”

You watch his eyes light up, as if the dots have connected for him, too. You were meant to be together, a product of the universe’s will, destined to discover your love at exactly the right moment. He saved you from the darkness that was your family’s abuse, though you saved him, too.

All the money and possessions in the world could not fill his lonely heart, lacking a partner’s love more than anything else. You complete him, you were his missing half, and now you are found. He never wants to let you go, though you would never want to, either.

“I love you too, my tián xīn.”

Together, you are no longer alone.

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