#l will have an amount of things that can beoved into a camper with bf
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like this is so wildly stupidly unfair I guess that the more I talk about stuff with my therapist the more that everything happening gets to me now. i couldn't even be in the front of the house when my stepdad was about to walk in. I saw him and had to hide in my bedroom and im still hiding because im just sick of being so anxious and having to constantly be aware of where every item in my room is because it is always at risk of being taken or moved or stolen and then i get fussed at after. it's becoming paranoia. it's making my life miserable. it's making it impossible to leave the house without thinking all day about how I might have left a box or a book out or something. nothing is safe or private when your stepdad has a habit of snooping in your room and you don't have the ability to move out yet. and my mom is so fucking useless about it all and refuses to stand up to him ever. it's so stupid. I deserve better than this and I always have but I have just convinced myself that this is how it is and that's just ehat I have to put up with if I don't want to be basically homeless and have no money for school.
#im fucking sick of it. im so tired. nothing changes.#i want out of this fucking house. i want to leave in the dead of the night and never have to come back.#rent a uhaul pack my shit and leave.#im gonna try downsizing on stuff again in a few weeks when the semester ends. hopefully will be able to seperate me#meaningful things versus the things i can toss or store. and hopefully over the next couple of years if i do that enough#l will have an amount of things that can beoved into a camper with bf#and i wont have to live every single day paranoid about getting my room snooped through. and i will be able to wake up to comfort#i want to wake up and not be afraid. i want to go to bed comfortable and happy. i want to spend my days being fulfilled.#i want a life. i want to live. but i dont want to live in this anymore and sometimes that feels like wanting to not wake up anymore.#sui mention#in tags but. yeah.#delete later. i dont want to look at this shit on my blog sorry if it stays up too long.#vent
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