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bestiesenpai · 4 years

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Perfect Student - Geto Suguru

I love slimy Geto :) although i’m not sure how slimy he actually is here lol femme reader, 3k words

TW: manipulation, abuse of power(?), dubcon, biting(not a lot), spanking

You weren’t the best university student, you were willing to admit. A few classes skipped than deemed appropriate, a couple missed assignments you’d rather not think about again, and some test scores that were down right abysmal.

But you shouldn’t be failing your class completely! A string of low grades on your last few assignments was worrying you. You understood the course material just fine, yet your work was apparently not reflecting it. Making an appointment with your professor, you could only hope he’d shed some light onto the situation.

“Mr. Geto?” Knocking on his office door, you found it swung open with ease. It was late afternoon, no need for any lights to be on in his office as the large window to the side got plenty of light from the slowly setting sun.

“Ah, you’re here.” He smiled at you from behind his desk, his hair in that familiar half bun he sports. The sleeves of the button up he’d had on during class are pushed up past his elbows, revealing his taut forearms. “Take a seat.” He makes a sweeping gesture to the swanky brown leather armchair on the other side of the desk.

“Thanks.” You said quietly, stiffly sitting in the chair and avoiding his narrowed eyes looking you over. You weren’t usually so nervous, you talked up a bit in class if you knew the answer, but being here with the warmth of the sun heating half your face and your admittedly very attractive teacher staring at you, it made your heart thump harder.

“So, what did you want to talk to me about?” Geto leans forward, resting his elbows on the table and his head in his hands.

“Well sir, I’ve noticed my grades haven’t been the best recently on some of the work I’ve turned in?” You don’t mean to phrase it like a question and it makes your cheeks burn. “A-and I understand the material for this lesson pretty well, so I- so I, uh…” Losing your train of thought, you glance at Geto’s unreadable expression.

“So you came to get a better grade? Let me pull up your grades on the computer and see.” Turning to the monitor sitting on the desk corner, Geto types away. With his focus not on you, you can finally breathe a little easier. “Oh (Y/N)...” Geto tsks and it makes you worry.

“What?” Wide eyed, you lean forward to try and see what he sees.

“I’m just looking at your past grades and you’ve got quite a bit of missing work.”

“Y-yes I know but-”

“But nothing.” He says it softly but it still manages to shut you up. “Care to explain why that happened?”

Truthfully, you had no reason other than laziness. You’d missed one, then it spiraled into two, three- you’d managed to catch up before it got too bad, though, or at least so you thought. You stayed silent, eyes tracing the wood grains in the desk.

“Hm, no answer. That’s a shame.” Clicking a few things, Geto ticked a brow upwards. “Looking at your recent work, I don’t know if there’s anything you can do.”

“What?” That makes your head snap up in fear. It was only the middle of the term, surely your grade wasn’t that far gone? “Mr. Geto, what-”

“Call me Suguru, please. It’s just us here, we aren’t in class.” He cuts you off with a raise of his hand and an easy smile.

“Suguru…” You say it slowly, worrying your lip briefly. “My grade can’t be that bad already that there’s nothing I can do.”

“Take a look for yourself.” Turning the monitor towards you, Suguru’s smile got bigger seeing your devastated face. Your grade was beyond horrible, the number on the top of the screen making your stomach churn.

“But I...I just checked it for myself not too long ago. How could it have changed like that?” Leaning back in your chair in shock, thoughts spiraled in your head. Lost in your own world, you didn’t pay any attention to your teacher.

He stood up slowly, brushing down the front of his shirt as he tucked in his chair. Shuffling a few things on his desk to the side, he smoothed his hand on the empty space he created as he rounded the corner, leaning against it as he stood in front of you.

“What can I do to fix my grade?” Looking up at him, Suguru nearly cooed at the pitiful look in your eyes.

“What’re you willing to do?” His voice is staggeringly low, a mere rumble in his chest and throat. He barely speaks them properly, they just tumble forth and into your lap. You take a pause, sizing up the way your teacher takes up so much space in front of you, his arms crossed in front of his broad chest.

“What do you mean?” You know exactly what he means, you can see the slightest bulge forming in the front of his pants.

“I think you’re smart enough to figure it out.” Suguru chuckles, letting his hair out of it’s bun and draping it across his shoulders. Licking your lips nervously you stare at him, throat tightening the longer you look at the sunkissed beauty.

“Okay.” Whispering quietly, you shuffle your bag out of your lap, you begin to fiddle with your bottoms.

“Hold on, where’s the rush? We should savor this moment, hm?” Grabbing your hands, Suguru pulls you up to standing. Wrapping an arm around your waist he grabs your chin and tilts your face toward him.

He kisses you gently, getting a feel for your demeanor. The hand around your waist grips you tighter, his fingers digging in painfully and making you squirm closer to him to try and get away. Your hands clamp down onto his shoulders to steady yourself, a muffled whimper coming from you.

Suguru slips his tongue into your mouth with ease, slotting his mouth together with yours and overtaking your senses. Even with your eyes squeezed shut, you’re surrounded by his presence and overwhelmed with the energy he has just below the surface.

“S-sugu-” Your voice breaks when he leaves the kiss and moves onto your neck, nipping at the column of your throat and behind your ear.

“Sugu? That’s cute.” He chuckles while tugging the collar of your shirt down. Kissing the new skin before him, Suguru wastes no time in biting down. A sharp cry leaves you at the sudden pain, hands flying to try and push him away. “Calm down.” It’s all the warning Suguru gives you and then he’s biting you again, higher up on your neck.

Suguru sucks harshly on your neck, his teeth digging into the flesh with no remorse. Tugging on his hair, you’re worried about the marks that’ll be left behind, the ones you’ll have to explain to your friends after this meeting with your teacher.

“Take this off.” Tugging at the bottom of your top, Suguru releases you from his hold. “That too.” He mumbles when you make no move to take your bra off as well.

“Sir…” Crossing your arms over your chest, embarrassment washes over you. It was fine when you were just kissing him, but now clothes were coming off and- and did you really want to do this? Taking a look back at the monitor however, you knew this was the only option. There wasn’t any other teacher for this subject, and if you backed out now there would only be more headaches later.

“No need to be shy, little one.” Suguru chuckles and pushes away from the desk. Putting his hands on your shoulders, he guides you to take his spot, pushing you to sit on the empty space he made. Curling his fingers around your wrist, Suguru is gentle as he holds both your arms away from you.

Craning your head away, you can’t stand to see the lustful look in his eyes as they roam over your topless body. Suguru bites his lip, letting out a low whistle as he lets go of one of your arms to cup your breast.

“You’re so pretty.” He says, eyes focused on the way your nipple pebbles under his thumb. Tugging on it, Suguru chuckles when you whimper and his eyes dart up to your face. “What a nice little noise.” Standing between your legs, Suguru puts your arm around his shoulders and leans in, kissing your neck on the other side while he plays with your breasts.

Twirling the ends of his hair with your fingers, the feeling of his fingers going over your nipples makes an ashamed heat settle between your legs. Unable to clench your thighs together to relieve the building pressure, you settle for squirming on his desk.

Pushing you back to lean on your hand, Suguru takes a nipple into his mouth. He flicks it a few times with his tongue before nibbling softly, scraping his teeth against the bud as his other hands makes work with the neglected breast.

“S-sugu, please-” Vocalizing what you wanted was near impossible, especially since you shouldn’t be wanting it in the first place. But the heat between your legs was killing you, and a few tugs to the ends of his hair wrapped between your fingers got him to stand up a little straighter.

“Getting antsy?” Suguru teases with a light pink flush on his cheeks. You nod, lip caught between your teeth as your eyes go down to his now prominent bulge.

“I want it.”

“Show me what you want.” He challenges immediately, a sick grin on his face. Nodding again, the hand on his shoulder drops down to run along his chest and down to it. As you work on unbuttoning his slacks, Suguru undoes a few buttons on his shirt, exposing smooth skin that’s slightly damp with sweat.

Pulling his hard cock out, it’s hot and heavy in your palm. Pumping it slowly, the veins that run up and down the length pulse beneath your fingertips, blood rushing straight to the head of his cock where it leaks precum straight onto the floor.

Suguru is pulling your bottoms and underwear down as you stroke his cock, his nails scraping against your skin from his eagerness to have you completely bare before him. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see him pocket your underwear, but you don’t bring it up. You know you won’t be getting it back anyway.

“Look at this pretty fucking pussy.” Spreading your legs wide, Suguru practically salivates at the sight of your glistening cunt. “What a shame my pretty little student was hiding this from me for so long! I should mark you down just for that!”

“Sorry.” Chuckling bashfully, you let his cock go as Suguru tugs you closer to him, your ass beginning to hang off the edge of the desk.

“You’ll make it up to me, right?” He laughs lightly as well, grabbing your legs and putting them around his waist. “Good girl.” He hums when you nod obediently, head clouded with lust and a desire to please him.

The tip of his cock presses into you with ease, the smear of his precum and your arousal making an easy entrance. Your arms wrap around his shoulders to keep you steady as he bottoms out, a shiver running up both of your spines at the feeling.

“Fuck-” Suguru barks suddenly, drawing his hips back. “You’re milking me already, I can barely pull out.” Snapping his hips forward again, Suguru delights in the wet slap that comes from it. Beginning to rock into you, he can see the fabric of his pants staining darker from your juices, a wet patch surely forming on his desk under you as well.

Planting a hand next to you, Suguru’s back curves against his shirt as he fucks you. He had wanted to take it slow, this was only the thing he’d been working towards since classes started, but the drag of his cock against your walls was demolishing that plan.

“Sugu!” You cried, burying your face into the crook of his neck. Your breath fanning over him added to the heat washing over him, more sweat accumulating under his clothes and sticking to your face.

Hearing you moan and whine beneath him drove Suguru wild and he couldn’t help the way his other hand pulled up from your thigh and slapped back down, making you jump and tighten around him.

“My slutty little student- how naughty you are.” Slapping your thigh a few more times, Suguru pushes his hand between you and finds your clit with his thumb, rubbing it in tight circles. Choked moans came from your lips and you squeezed him tighter.

“Sugu- sir- ah, fuck-” The wet slapping sound gets louder, your slick gushing out of you at this point and coating Suguru. Lifting your heavy head, you kiss him, teeth knocking together and accidentally biting his lip as you try to slide your tongue into his mouth.

Suguru leans forward to kiss you harder, nearly making you fall over from the weight. His finger moves faster on your clit, desperate to have you cum on his cock. His orgasm is coming faster than he would have liked and he doesn’t want to cum without feeling you fall apart around him.

He ends up leaning so far forward, you really do fall back, lips breaking apart as you crumple onto the desk. Suguru pulls you forward by your hips, your ass now nearly completely off the desk as he fucks you.

“Fucking little slut- gonna make me cum-” His bottom lip is between his teeth, clamping down so hard it just might draw blood if he keeps going. Suguru’s hair tickles your skin as he moves, cascading down around you and sticking briefly to your skin.

“Please, please-” Your voice catches in your throat as you cum. No sound comes out of you, your back arching high off the desk as the pleasure finally comes to a peak.

“Fucking beautiful!” Suguru smiles like a madman, his fingers moving even faster on your clit as you rhythmically tighten around him. He kisses your slack mouth, swallows the forced gasps and moans that come from yours chest as your lungs burn for oxygen.

Slapping your ass a few times, Suguru cums inside you. Pushing his cock in as deep as possible he grinds himself against you, pushing a long, low groan into your mouth as he does. The hand on your cunt drops away, wrapping wet and sticky fingers around your thigh as he moves away from your mouth to breathe.

“What a...what a good student I have.” He sighs, running a hand through his hair as he catches his breath. Letting your legs fall slack, Suguru pushes a hand on your bladder to feel himself slide out of you.

As his cock leaves you, there’s a dribble of his cum that follows, staining your cunt white and dripping down between the crack of your ass and to the floor. Rubbing a hand on your thigh, Suguru gathers the cum dripping out and pushes it back in.

“Shouldn’t waste any now.” He hums, tracing his fingers up and down your cunt.

“T-too much.” You whine pathetically, trying in vain to grab his hand and stop him. Catching your hand in his, Suguru relents and threads his fingers through yours. The gesture is sweet, even more so when he kisses the back of your hand.

“Such a sweet student I have, wanting to hold my hand.” You giggle at the sentiment, cheeks getting warmer the longer he looks at you with that smile on his face. “Let’s hope you can keep this up for the rest of the term, and maybe I won’t fail you.”

Of course this wouldn’t be a one time thing. Suguru intended to milk this opportunity for all he could, already planning on having you stay after his lesson so he can play with your cunt before his next class.

“Go ahead and get dressed.” Helping you sit up, Suguru untangled himself from you and grabbed a few tissues, putting them in your hand as he started fixing himself up. The sun had gone down even farther during your little escapade, no longer baking the room in warm orange light. It left only a dim, cool glow now, and the heat it provided you was quickly leaving your body along with the sweat evaporating on your skin.

“If you want to keep your grade up, I think we should keep meeting regularly to discuss your progress.” Suguru had his teaching voice on now that he was leading you out of his office ten minutes later, your panties stuffed into his back pocket. There were a few other people passing by in the hall, some giving quick waves to the two of you as they saw you.

“Okay, Mr. Geto.” You knew to play the part well, not wanting to arouse suspicion by calling him by his first name. No one in your class called him Suguru, and especially not Sugu.

“Glad you understand.” He patted your shoulder quickly, giving you a cheeky wink when no one was looking. “I look forward to seeing you in class tomorrow, (Y/N).” Giving your arm a brief squeeze, he sent you on your way. Turning back to his office, he closed the door and locked it, going back to his desk and laying your panties across his lap.

Pulling out his phone, he snapped a few pictures of your underwear, sniffing it briefly before putting it back in his pocket.

“Professor Satoru is gonna love this.”

#jujutsu kaisen #geto suguru #geto x reader #geto suguru smut #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen fanfic #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen scenarios

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olivia200312 · 4 years

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Teaser!~ Bay! Optimus x Human! Reader

Requested by the lovely @AngelRosePhoenix

Plot: I was thinking of Bayverse AOE that is Cade's 20 yr old cousin which is the same age as Shane. So while they're in the Old Church hiding, Tessa was checking on her phone on YouTube when suddenly she saw Y/N modeling on Victoria's Secret. It was all about her in Victoria's Secret every outfit and catwalk. The music is playing' Roses Imanbek by Saint Jhn". Y/N tries to stop Tessa when the bots were curious too. When she showed it, Bee used a bigger screen and everyone was whistling and making kinky talk to her. She is so flustered while Prime has a horny thing on his mind. So the Prime teased her in a kinky way which others were shocked. Then Cade said, "Yeah, I'd be happy for u that she'll be your girlfriend. She really needs it." Then Tessa complained about Y/N's allowed and not her. But Cade told his daughter that she isn't at Y/N's age. Then Y/N complained and yelled when she heard Optimus say, "Well, I don't mind at all being with her." And he smirked which made her blush furiously and then there goes to the lemon >:D.

This is a lemon! I literally sometimes don't understand some requests that I get that I have to fix it every time so that the readers can understand what's going on. I recommend you all to use Grammarly. It's free and it helps you when you're typing on your computer. I've been using it for months now and it helps a lot when I'm writing chapters or one-shots here. This takes place in the church of Tf4 AOE!

Head area:

Brain: Processor / Brain Module

Head: Helm

Face: Face plate

Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials

Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor

Eye brow: Optical Ridge

Eyes: Optics

Mouth: Intake

Lips: Dermas

Teeth: Denta/Dentas

Tongue: Glossa

Chest area:

Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity

Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula

Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour:

Chest plate

Back plate

Mid-section plating

Neck guard

Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus

Forearms: Bitarlueus

Hands: Servos

Fingers: Digits

Arm armour:

Gantlets

Shoulder pads

Arm guard

Lower area:

Pelvis: Pelvis

Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate

Thighs: Tibulen

Calves: Cadulen

Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour:

Skirt plates

Aft plate / Skid plate

Thigh guard

Ankle guard

General/Internal components:

Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question.

Veins: Fual lines

Stomach: Tanks

Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from over heating.

Heart: Spark

Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark

T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

Note: the art goes to the owner!

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Oh man, the day is just crazy! Apparently, Cade brought an old truck to his place together with Lucas. Cade Yeager is a single father of Tessa Yeager. His wife sadly passed away when Tessa was young and since then Cade took care of his daughter. He became overprotective and even made a rule to not bring any boys to the house! He meant it to his daughter of course. There was a woman named Y/N L/N. She's 20 years old. She's a mechanic and helps her cousin, Cade, a lot. Yes, Y/N is 3 years older than Tessa. She loves the girl a lot but she also knows her secret: Tessa has a boyfriend named Shane. He's 20 years old as well. Now, Cade didn't know it at first until... random shit happened. The truck is a Transformer named Optimus Prime, the leader of the Autobots. He's being hunted by KSI and that's why he's hiding. He got separated from his team and Ratchet got sadly killed... Sam Witwicky, along with his girlfriend, mysteriously disappeared.

The old truck transformed inside Cade's barn and man, he's mad! He obviously had his reasons to be mad. Y/N and Cade manage to calm him down. While they both started to fix him, the Prime fell his optics on the 20-year-old mechanic girl. She's just so beautiful...

Anyway, the story continued and Lucas got killed sadly. Everyone was sad that they lost a friend. The adventure continued and yadda, yadda, yadda. Let's get to the point of view now. The church. (I couldn't find a video where the church part scene played).

Everyone is now at the church, hiding. It was safe at least! Optimus and Cade are chatting while others are doing their stuff. Tessa is on her phone, checking random stuff out. It made Y/N very nervous. She has a secret and she didn't want others to find out. She made a video once where she dressed in every Victoria's Secret outfit. She even catwalked in her video for Primus's sake! She thought that no one would ever find out... She's wrong.

Tessa scrolled through her phone until she came across a video on YouTube made by Y/N. She watched it quietly until she smirked. "Oh, Y/N!~"

Y/N looks at Tessa and she got nervous when she saw the look on Tessa's face. "W-What is it?"

"You never told me how well can you catwalk while being in Victoria's Secret outfits."~

That caught Cade's attention as he stopped talking to Optimus and looks shocked at Y/N. "Y/N, you did what?!"

"I-It's not what it looks like!" She waved her hands in defense.

Tessa then showed it to Bumblebee or just Bee, the youngest one of the group and a scout. He showed it to the big screen, causing Y/N to yell "No!" and hide her face in her hands. She just wanted to disappear...

Other bots whistled while Cade looks shocked. Tessa still smirked. Shane then entered the church. "Hey, what's going- Oh God..." He looks shocked. Optimus Prime, on the other hand, has dirty minds in his processor. It's just that... that Victoria's Secret's outfits and catwalks... He just wants to take her now.

Cade seems to notice it. He got told by Optimus that he has a crush on her. He smirked in secret.

Optimus then decided to shock others and make Y/N more flustered. He watched how Y/N slowly showed her face and then the Prime, literally... teased her in a kinky way! No kidding! He did it! Y/N looks more flustered while others looked shocked.

Cade then looks up at the leader. "You know, I'd be happy for u that she'll be your girlfriend. She really needs it."

Tessa then complained. "Really, daddy? Why is she allowed to have a boyfriend and not me?" She looks also annoyed.

"You're not just at her age, sweetie," Cade answered calmly.

"Cade!" Y/N shouted embarrassed.

What Optimus suddenly said made Y/N faint. "Well, I don't mind at all being with her." She then made eye contact with him and saw him smirking. She then fainted.

At night~

The night arrived and everyone went to sleep. Well, almost everyone. The Autobots made sure to watch over and that the humans are comfortable to sleep. Y/N stayed awake and just couldn't sleep. She's now watching the night sky. There's an abandoned train close by and that's where humans slept. More surprisingly, it had comfortable chairs.

"You need to get some recharge, Y/N," said a familiar deep voice.

Y/N gasps and turned around to see Optimus but around her height. Looks like he made himself small. He then stood right behind her, pressing his tank and chassis area against her back. Y/N shivered from the contact. Let's just say that she's was getting turned on. It's just that it was getting sexual. Optimus then placed his servos on her hips and kissing her neck. "Do you really love me, sweetspark?"

"Y-Yes." She then gasped because of the air when her extremely loose blouse was pulled down, exposing her with Victoria Secret's sexy lace bra and panties. She heard Optimus growl. "You're so sexy that I want to take you."

Then Y/N's eyes were full of lust. She felt so wet that her pussy was throbbing, begging to be taken. She panted as heat builds up, making the Prime smirk. He then turned her around and his optics were full of lust when he saw her front body. He fo course finds her beautiful. He then smashed his dermas against t her soft lips. His servos traveled down right on her ass, squeezing it. Y/N moaned as she jumps and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"My spike wants to be inside of you ever since I discovered your dirty secret," Optimus growled.

"Take me.~"

He walks inside the train, where no one else was there. At least, they'll be 'busy' this night ;). He found a comfortable seat and laid Y/N down, while still kissing her. His glossa was fighting against her tongue while servos were rubbing her entire body, squeezing her breasts and her ass. Y/N moaned loudly and Optimus pulled away, causing them to pant.

"I'm taking you tonight."

Then Y/N decided to TAKE HIM instead of him her. She pinned him down, causing the Prime to look surprised when Y/N made him sit up with her straddling on his lap. He then purred and growled lowly, causing Y/N to smirk and grind on his lap. He placed his servos on her ass and pulled her panties down until they're at the ankles so they're not fully off. He used his digit to rub her clit and pump her, causing the female human to let out moans and arch her back. Optimus smashed his dermas against her lips as his free servo traveled up to her breasts. He simply pulled it up a bit until the breasts are out and squeezed them.

"O-Optimus.~"

Optimus purred as he continued for like thirty seconds before stopping, causing to growl in annoyance but then she smirked as she saw his big hard in the air. She lifted herself up and 'accidentally' slammed right into his spike, causing both the bot and human to moan loudly. Y/N hurtled herself a tiny bit but pleasure quickly took over and started to very sexually grinding, riding and dancing at the same time on Optimus' lap. The Prime watched in awe and grunted. He couldn't help but place his servos o her hips, feeling her moving.

"S-Sweetspark.~"

"You like that, Bossbot?" She's teasing him while still smirking and moving.

Optimus growled but doesn't care right now. His optics were watching Y/N's EVERY move. He felt like in heaven. He just loves the sexy human femme that was sitting on him, doing sexual moves while having sex on his lap.

"A-Ahh! Optimus, y-you're so big, hard, and handsome," Y/N panted while having a lovely and sexy expression on her face.

Optimus felt his spark beating fast while showing exactly the same expression. "You t-take my spike so well, sweetspark. I'd like to have a family with y-you in the future." He also grunted a few times.

Y/N giggles and kisses him with so passion that she and Optimus were both lost in so much love that Y/N didn't notice that Optimus started to thrust up roughly, slamming into her many times like dominant Autobot.

"A-Ah! Oh my G-God!" She panted and moaned while Optimus lowly purred and smirked. "I-I'm cumming!"

"Then cume for me, sweetspark. I'll fill you up so well.~" He whispered lowly into her ear, causing Y/N to squeak and blush bright red.

Optimus then grunted when he slammed one last time and released his transfluid. Y/N screamed so quietly that Optimus found it cute like from Japanese anime. Y/N panted and sighed in bliss. She was then gently lifted up so that Optimus' spike would come out. It was limp. Optimus then laid down with Y/N on top of him. He covered his mate up with a blanket and kissed her forehead. Both of them fell asleep.

youtube

#lemon #bayverse #optimus prime x reader #optimus prime #transformers #tf #transformers 4 #age of extinction #aoe #tf 4 aoe #human reader #reader

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cherry-interlude · 3 years

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Lana Del Rey Album Songs Ranking (Remade)

It’s been a few years since I ranked all of Lana’s (album) songs so I wanted to do it again. This is all my OPINION, which I’m sure some people might disagree with, but you don’t have to agree with it. This is also a very long post.

Don’t Let Me Be Misunderstood

This cover song is just a little too drab and uninteresting to me, and I never listen to it. After the brilliant, sprawling, sexy, heart-breaking tracks on Honeymoon, this feels like a tacked-on track just to plump up the album. It feels simply like a cover.

For Free

Though this is a well-made song, with three brilliant women owning the track, it again just feels like a cover. It fits in well with Chemtrails, but by the time I get to this song I’ve had my fill.

Breaking Up Slowly

It just feels repetitive and simple, something only to have on in the background while my attention is diverted. It’s a good song and a nice attempt at bringing Lana’s country music in, but it does little to keep me interested.

God Knows I Tried

This song is filler. Jammed between the jazzy softness of Terrence Loves You and the pop favourite High By The Beach, this track just feels like it was sort of shoved in. It doesn’t even feel completely right on Honeymoon, instead a throwaway song that bridges Ultraviolence and Honeymoon whilst not fitting in with either album.

Though perfect for the credits of a Hollywood movie, 24 has plenty of flair but nothing of substance. The lyrics aren’t as imaginative as most of Lana’s music and I’m not surprised this song found itself near the end of the album.

Lucky Ones

Personally, this song irritates me. It's sickly in its lyrics, sugary in the romance and classic Lana tropes of dangerous men and Lana starstruck by them no matter if they’re ‘careless cons and crazy liars’. The little flair of the verses and the overtly sweet chorus really irks me, especially following the brilliance that is Lana’s first ‘Del Rey’ album.

Coachella

It is a rushed track, sounding completely unfinished and hurried with an unconvincing track beat. Polished, it would be brilliant – but it sounds like Lana thought of the song (which sounds promising in the video where she sits in the forest and sings) and had to force it to ‘fit in’ with the trap-pop tracks on Lust For Life. The lyrics are thoughtful, if not cliché, but it could have been done better.

This Is What Makes Us Girls

It just doesn’t appeal to me. Maybe because I can’t connect to the lyrics in any way, I just don’t feel anything when I hear this song and choose to skip it. That being said, the demos are pretty fun.

God Bless America

As much as it’s a song honouring women during a period of time when feminism was being shaken, it doesn’t quite feel like Lana’s heart is in it. The patriotism is uneasy considering she was removing herself from the American flag and its associations, and the anthemic feel never lifts. It’s a sweet song, but never goes deeper than surface level.

Religion

Though fairly sexy and haunting – her unshaken faith to her man, her drawling voice – this delicate track is too simple and sombre for me to get completely into it. I always want to skip and get to my favourites.

In My Feelings

It’s great Lana has a bad-girl, bad-bitch, fuck-you pop track but this, like Coachella, feels unfinished. It has the vibe of work in progress, and the vocals are still messy (surely intentionally, though it doesn’t always come across that way) as well as trying slightly too hard. It doesn’t compare to Fucked My Way Up To The Top.

Beautiful People Beautiful Problems

The verses don’t match up to the choruses and I feel nothing – not empowered or emotional – when listening to this song, but it is a beautiful duet between Lana and Stevie. Their voices really are divine together and though I don’t listen to this song much, the demos are even better.

Change

Mostly because it freaks me out, this is a song I don’t often listen to. With a basic structure yet long, meandering lyrics, Lana broods over the state of America at the time, which can make for depressive listening. Though it’s a pretty enough song, it’s seriousness is too much to bear sometimes.

Blue Velvet

Sometimes too slow, Blue Velvet doesn’t inspire multiple listens in me, but it is a gorgeous cover and absolutely a showcase of Lana’s vocals.

Diet Mountain Dew

A cheeky little track that won many over, it still is hard for me to fully get into it. However, it ages like fine wine and is a wonderful step into the Lizzy Grant unreleased tracks (especially with the many, sometimes even better demos).

Burning Desire

It’s a messy song, with Lana’s vocals shaky and the instrumental not quite up to scratch, but this song is certainly a guilty pleasure and great for getting into the sexy mood. The car metaphors are a bit much, especially considering it’s for a car advert, but if you get past that it’s a song to add to your freaky playlist.

Money Power Glory

As powerful and dark as this song is, with incredible instrumentals and Lana at her most dynamic, I barely remember the lyrics of the verses, instead waiting for the rich choruses.

Swan Song

A gentle track that has a lot of untapped power behind it, this is a quiet stormer of a song that has a lot of heart and grace. It may be a filler track, but it is definitely better than some.

Bartender

Even more gentle is the confessional, piano-led Bartender, which is a sweet little love song stripped back much like Lana’s simple romance where she sneaks out to see her lover. The main (and probably ridiculous) thing that keeps me from falling in love with this song more – though I’m already pretty amazed by it – is the very quiet sound of feedback that comes and goes, a fuzzy noise that is very subtle but distracting enough for me.

The Next Best American Record

This song would be higher if it was Architecture – the gorgeous, well-thought stunner that wowed us all when it was leaked. The lyrics are less fractured relationship and more wishy washy, wiping away the gritty sadness that made Architecture so beloved (at least to me). Now it’s been made ‘happier’, it’s hard to tell what the song is – is Lana happy with her lover or is she sad like in the unreleased version? Is this a break up song or a celebration of the romance? What does it mean now that it is both of them that are obsessed with writing? It’s something for me to certainly explore more, but it is paled in comparison to the original.

When The World Was At War

This track grew on me, with the hidden lyrics, fun vocals and hopeful message. Lana knows how to make a song that lifts your mood and this is certainly one of them.

Guns and Roses

I used to despise this song – finding it boring and dull. However, after giving it a listen years later, it is in fact a beautiful song with a gritty feel that is perfect for Ultraviolence. It fits in perfectly with the album and the extended tracks, and though it isn’t the strongest lyrically, the vocals and dreamy feel is thrilling.

Lolita

I choose to listen to this song without the underage character – or romantic connotations of her – in mind, instead seeing this song as a grown woman trying to charm an older man. However, as I have grown older – and read (and loved) the book several times more – I feel more inclined to distance myself from this song. It’s a fun, perky pop track but it definitely feels dated.

Dance Till We Die

Lana sings of her connection to other famous female singers and her daughter’s chosen name, making this a very personal pop song that also reminds of When The World Was At War for its hopeful and ultimately positive edge. It is a little slow but incredible touching, and the bridge is so kickass you can’t help but dance along.

Not All Who Wander Are Lost

This is a very sweet little song that again showcases the more positive side of Lana’s music, rather than the heartbroken and distressed women she tends to play. Though it is a filler song it’s a very pretty one and so catchy.

Wild At Heart

Wild At Heart is similar to Not All Who Wander Are Lost in that it’s a departure from a tragic femme fatale, instead a love song that also mimics Swan Song in that she considers leaving fame for her lover. What makes it even better is how Lana samples How To Disappear, a much sadder track, and twists it into something happy with this ultimately more upbeat album.

Radio

Like Diet Mountain Dew, Radio is another perky tune that is more than just a catchy filler. It’s a little bit sassy and has an edge to it (with the expletives and how her life is sweet not like sugar but cinnamon) that keeps it from being too frothy. Speaking of Lana’s newfound fame, it’s a nice break from the love ballads and tragedies peppered throughout Born To Die.

Without You

Shockingly dramatic, Without You is the ultimate symbol of Lana’s older music – a woman who could only feel happy unless her man was in her life. She has definitely moved on for the most part from wailing her demise at losing her lover but Without You is still glamorous, catchy and perfect to singalong to.

The Other Woman

This is one of Lana’s best covers – Nina Simone’s song about being the other woman and how it is in fact lonely and heart-breaking. Lana makes the song her own, her vocals stunning and lo-fi with instrumentals that are perfect for Ultraviolence.

How To Disappear

I feel that the live version of How To Disappear, where she sung it on stage before it was released with its real instrumental, is the superior version. It’s stripped back and tender enough to feel the emotion thoroughly, but the album version doesn’t disappoint. It’s one of many great tracks from (what I think is) her best album, and has a great story within it.

Fucked My Way Up To The Top

Lana’s satirical, sexy and stirring Fucked My Way Up To The Top was just tongue-in-cheek enough to keep from being too much of a cliché. Perhaps based on her real experiences but definitely a fuck-you to anyone who critiques her for owning her sexuality, it’s a little bit controversial but an incredible song.

Tomorrow Never Came

This song, which is a gorgeous duet with Sean Ono Lennon and a nice nod to 20th century music, subverts expectations that it is a sad song by in fact including a happy ending. I love how it can make you cry with both sadness and happiness, and tells a sweet story that paints pictures of parks and country houses.

Yosemite

The long-awaited Yosemite didn’t disappoint, and though it took a while to grow on me it became a classic and somehow familiar track. It’s impossible to not sing or dance to it and wouldn’t be out of place in Lust For Life.

Hope Is A Dangerous Thing

It’s quite slow – the Change/24/Old Money of Norman Fucking Rockwell – but it is clearly a personal and well-thought song that references Lana’s great inspiration Sylvia Plath. Lana’s deft at getting her thoughts out in song and I think though it’s not a song I often listen to, it is beautiful.

Honeymoon

The sweeping violins, dramatic vocals and the dangerous undercurrent makes Honeymoon crackle with electricity. It’s an amazing introduction to an album that once again has dangerous men, bad girls who get hurt but are strong again and amazing instrumentals. Though it’s not the best song from the album, it sets the tone perfectly.

Million Dollar Man

Like Without You, it’s another song of complete devastation, which Lana has grown from in her music. Million Dollar Man shows some great vocals and lyrics, and gets the emotion out perfectly whilst honouring the music that inspired her.

Old Money

The verses are pretty enough but they don’t catch my attention the way the choruses do. The slow, steady song took a long time for me to really appreciate but it’s impossible not to feel some kind of emotion when Lana lets her lover know she will be with them whenever they need her.

Sad Girl

Like The Other Woman, Sad Girl shows how being the other woman has it’s downfalls but appreciates the sexy, exciting side of it – how alluring her man is and how much of a bad bitch she may be. Once again, it’s a pure Ultraviolence song that shows Lana’s vocals and music in the best way whilst showcasing the classic caricature of the femme fatale.

Dark Paradise

Strangely upbeat for such a sad song, Dark Paradise is great to dance to but also something that makes you want to cry. Lana’s vocalisations and dramatic lyrics don’t quite compare to some of her other songs but Dark Paradise is iconic.

Summertime Sadness

The slow-burn, emotional gut punch that is Summertime Sadness is always a classic and one of Lana’s best. Though it is far from my personal favourite it is absolutely an outstanding song and the perfect example of Lana’s most well-made and well-delivered songs.

Gods and Monsters

The strained Gods and Monsters is a great tale about the evil side of fame, which Lana never quite delves too deeply into but gives a metaphorical and mildly personal nod to. Gods and Monsters is one of those songs that has you singing along and feeling strong.

Carmen

Carmen is a beautiful, sad story that feels rich and luxurious despite its harrowing lyrics of an alcoholic star. The French bridge adds to the decadence and it feels like a dirty alcohol bottle wrapped in silk, from the tentative verses to the unnerving chorus.

Born To Die

One of Lana’s original pop chart tracks, this is a song that never grows old. It’s one of the blueprints of the Lana Del Rey era and deftly shows her vocals whilst setting the tone for the pessimistic, romantic star in the early 2010s.

Salvatore

Opening with laughing – or crying – Salvatore has an eerie feel to it, though it is completely erotic in feel (enough to ignore some of the simpler lyrics). It is a song that feels dreamy, much like the rest of Honeymoon, but passionate and reminding of some of her older music (from the vocals in the bridge that have a Lolita/Fucked My Way Up To The Top feel to them to the continued trope of bad boys and glamour).

Flipside

Dirty, gritty and quite contained, Flipside is a song that I wished had more attention. It’s not her most imaginative song but there’s something about it, from the gloomy guitars to the hushed vocals, that have me wanting to sing it over and over. It also is one of her great fuck-off songs, as sympathetic as it is resilient.

Doin’ Time

Lana really turns this song into her own with the summery instrumentals and the pop edge she is so good at. It’s surprisingly one of her best covers and a fresh-feeling track that isn’t bogged down by emotion or maudlin music.

Lust For Life

Breathless and oh-so-romantic, Lust For Life is one of those songs that was perfect for the charts, and a key piece in Lana’s turn into becoming more positive. However, as fun and lovely as this song is, the demos are a whole other ball game. A little more ethereal, they fit Lana much more perfectly and it’s sad she dismissed the witchy feel for a song that is brilliant but generic.

Love

One of Lana’s warmest and most refreshing songs, she looks at love with fondness and dedicates this track to her ‘kids’. She knows her fans well and to make a song that references them (much like Happiness Is A Butterfly’s nod to her ‘babies’) makes this song all the more pleasant.

The Greatest

Lana’s vocals are put to good use in this intimately-written song. She speaks her mind in her reminiscence of the past and the worries for the future, all with a storming chorus that is certainly one of her best.

Love Song

Tender and almost tentative, Love Song is one of those tracks that is romantic through-and-through. It’s stripped back enough to feel like it really is a private song for only her lover’s ears, just as confessional as Cinnamon Girl and Bartender.

White Mustang

Short but sweet, this song has all the makings of a Lana Del Rey song, harking back to the Born To Die days with her imagery and fallen love affair, but it is spiky enough to be part of her later music where she starts giving less shits. The whistling and race cars are a nice touch, displaying her play on words snugly.

Dark But Just A Game

Sort of jazzy, Dark But Just A Game is ever-shifting and never quite settles on a particular sound. It’s cohesive, however, and clearly states what Lana is thinking in a way that works with the rest of Chemtrails. It’s pretty sexy as well, which doesn’t hurt the enjoyability factor.

High By The Beach

The wooziness, the carelessness and the growth from a woman begging to be put in a movie to a woman who is able to do as she pleases. Lana stumbles and swears through the song but knows exactly what she wants – and it isn’t disappointing men or stalking paparazzi.

Let Me Love You Like A Woman

Some may think it much slower and more boring than a lot of her tracks, but I think it’s a tidy, sweet track. Lana plainly states her love, urges her man to run away with her and lets her emotions (and voice) do the talking.

Summer Bummer

Lana is as restless as a hot summer in this song and it works. Her brisk-paced yet soft-voiced lyrics and gorgeous imagery gets my pulse racing, and ASAP Rocky’s verse works well for it. Though it would have been interesting to get a full, solo Summer Bummer, Rocky adds an edge to this song and compliments his ‘lover’ well.

Groupie Love

Much more flowery and wide-eyed, Groupie Love is like a contradiction. Lana’s passionate dalliance with Rocky’s god-like star opposes the relationship in Summer Bummer (uncertain) but both are just as secret. Groupie Love has the edge of being ultra-dreamy and demonstrating pure love – and lust – without the messiness.

American

It’s a filler track that has potential for much more. It’s an adorable song, almost cautious in its lead-up to the satisfying chorus, and is filled with Lana tropes galore. Following Lana’s stressed Ride and coming before the darkly sensual Cola, American is a breath of fresh air.

National Anthem

What an anthem it is. It’s simply provocative and one of her most classic tracks. Mixing love, money and fame together with a bit of sex thrown in, National Anthem is precisely what Lana’s America seems to be.

Is This Happiness?

It’s muted, mournful and resentful, questioning a relationship that Lana wants to keep but at the same time doesn’t. This is one of Lana’s best sad songs, tearful as it is still adoring beneath the exasperation.

Art Deco

Art Deco is purely dreamy, a song to bathe in. The lyrics are a little bit simple but Lana’s vocals and the flowing, aquatic music is the perfect hook.

Terrence Loves You

Lana’s jazzy song is delicate, letting only her voice and the saxophone dominate. With references to David Bowie, Lana pines for someone who hurt her badly, but she soothes herself with music the way plenty of her fans do when listening to her records.

White Dress

The vocals were a surprise at first – high, strained whispers – but they definitely grew on me. Painting a picture of young Lana loving life and dreaming of bigger things, it’s nostalgic in lyrics but also reminds of some of Lana’s old work – her unreleased tracks where she would serve coke and fries.

Chemtrails

It gets better as it goes on, growing and twisting from a song to sunbathe to into a restless, darkening track. It has the best vibe for an idealised world with something a bit off, and the imagery of pools, jewels and schools grounds Lana into a (very, very rich) normality rather than the glamorous star she always liked to portray.

13 Beaches

Opening with a quote from Carnival of Souls, Lana takes High By The Beach to the next level. She goes from sticking her middle finger up to the paparazzi to simply wishing she would be allowed to live her life without them hounding her. It’s a matured approach that uses sound interestingly, with beeps and whines adding a strange texture to the song.

Cola

The controversial line was intended as humour, but strangely it works. Even if Cola is satire like Fucked My Way Up To The Top, Lana owns the ‘other woman’, the patriotic singer, the sexy and unashamed woman who says what she thinks without caring of the consequences. It’s an iconic song, even if you have to turn the volume down to not offend.

Black Beauty

The unreleased version is ten times more emotive, with its stripped back and lonesome feel, but the album version is just as good. The ultimately loving but unhappy lyrics are full of stunning imagery, and this is a song that would have been perfect with a music video.

Body Electric

Blasphemous as much as it honours icons, Lana sinfully owns Body Electric. The bridge is a bit out of place but Lana’s eyebrow-raising approach to religion and sexuality is genius.

Off To The Races

The best demonstration of Lana’s vocals, Lana plays the glam girl without a care just as well as the Lolita-type, needy lover in this ode to money and her man. The soaring bridge is stunning, and the swirling violins add an air of Hollywood to it.

Bel Air

Completely overlooked (in my opinion), Bel Air is an apologetic song of redemption, a shining and honest track that is as touching as much as it is hazy and tranquil. With soft piano and the sound of children opening and closing the song respectively, it’s set apart from Paradise with a pureness that Lana pulls off well.

Ultraviolence

Controversial at the time and still controversial now, Ultraviolence is about being weak, about giving in to love no matter how toxic. I don’t entirely support the lyrics but it’s a stunning song, lo-fi enough to feel uneasy and haunting. When you shut off from the lyrics, you get a simply beautiful track.

Pretty When You Cry

Lana’s imperfect, close-to-tears vocals are wonderful in this song, and she really lets her emotion shine through. The pained guitar and Lana’s increasingly distressed singing are enough to get you feeling exactly as she does.

Florida Kilos

Fun. Fresh. Freeing. Lana’s ode to drugs is simply something to dance to and sing, and she somehow manages to get the sunny feeling across even with the Ulraviolence-esque grunginess. It’s one of my favourite songs of Lana’s because it’s just so happy, which is a nice departure from some of her heavier tracks.

Cherry

Many people’s favourite – Cherry. It was my favourite of Lana’s for a long time, dripping with sex appeal and sadness but with a cute dance to compliment it. It had all the right stuff wrapped up in a tidy, compact box and the imagery is lush. I still love this song but since then we’ve had the ‘Cherries’ of her next few albums, Cinnamon Girl and Tulsa Jesus Freak. Like these, Cherry was a song that seemed set apart from the rest of the album and was a novel take on her typical music.

California

Simply for It's meaningful, raw lyrics – promising to be there as soon as he wants her, much like in Old Money – California is a sun-soaked dream with a very honest approach. Lana isn’t completely devastated, or begging for her lover to return. She is sad but realistic, and only wants the best for him. It’s beautiful and sad with a crazily addictive chorus.

West Coast

The shift from fast-paced, grungey, whispered verses to sprawling, drawling choruses – complete with weirdly sexy beeps towards the end of the song – shook us all, and it’s one of Lana’s most interesting songs. Lana honours the West Coast but also her man, in love with the music scene as much as she is with him.

Shades of Cool

The snide verses. The gradually growing music. The guitars. The explosive chorus. The nuclear bridge. The absolutely perfect timing and pacing. Shades of Cool is flawless, another Sad Girl but with much more power, emotion and music.

The Blackest Day

The Blackest Day needs more attention. Cold in places, almost lost, but then wounded in the chorus, The Blackest Day rolls with the emotions and is the kind of song that makes you want to fall apart and sob. Which is good, in a way, as it shows how brilliantly Lana conveys emotion.

Freak

Cult-like and haunting, this is the sexy predecessor of California. Lana swoons and tempts in this track, from her harmonising to her pouting “take it to the back if you really wanna talk” - not to mention the rest of the song in its entirely, all elements married together to create the perfect seductive track.

Music To Watch Boys To

Like Art Deco, Music To Watch Boys To is fairly aquatic and dreamy. Like Freak, it has that cult vibe (the chanting of the bridge). However, this song is perfectly its own, from the mix-up of vocal styles to the shifting tone (sad to smug to obsessively in love).

Norman Fucking Rockwell

What an opener. Norman Fucking Rockwell lets the actual singing and lyrics do the talking, the instrumentals pushed back enough to let Lana’s gut-punching first line (“God damn, man child, you fucked me so good that I almost said I love you”) and her blue yet annoyed insults to her Norman Rockwell do the talking.

Mariner’s Apartment Complex

It’s a song for yourself and for the people you love. Lana is strong enough to take care of herself, to be her own guidance – and to take on her lover’s problems too. It’s an empowering song, so distant from a lot of her discography, and I adore the nautical references and the hopeful message.

Brooklyn Baby

Satire again, but it still works. Lana plays a (fairly cringey) and somewhat self-absorbed, over-confident singer who is too cool for her own boyfriend, but she does it well. From saying how she wished people didn’t judge her, to the freedom the seventies gives her, to the warm guitars and upbeat tone, to the backup vocals of Seth Kaufman, Brooklyn Baby is a song to remember for all the right reasons.

Ride

Ride is one of Lana’s best, if not the best. With her devotion to America and her open thoughts about needing other people to make her feel good and happy, Lana knocks it out of the park with the superb step up from Born To Die.

Video Games

Video Games is just beautiful, plain and simple. Lana’s low voice, telling a flowing story of the simplicities of true love, are removed from her ‘famous singer’ image she constantly tried to portray and instead open up to the heart of what she has always sung about: love and its many forms, good or bad.

Get Free

The new take on Ride was a pleasant surprise. From changing the lyrics to show she wants to move on and be happy to (silently) name-dropping her influences, Lana’s manifesto was a personal song that we could all resonate with. The outro of the beach was the perfect closer to Lust For Life, and Get Free summarised the album which took her from sad girl to someone who could let herself move on.

Heroin

Heroin is no doubt one of her best. It’s tense and dark, referencing Manson and (allegedly) a friend she lost years ago. Lana lets herself dive into her worst thoughts headfirst, not so much dreamy as it is nightmarish, but still comes out the other side dreaming of marzipan and ready to move on.

Tulsa Jesus Freak

The third of the ‘Cherries’, Tulsa Jesus Freak goes straight to a happy place. Where Cherry was angry and Cinnamon Girl was cautious, this track dives into being comfortable with her man. It was just as passionate as the other two songs but about religion, sex and self-satisfaction.

Blue Jeans

Plucking guitars, crying violins and Lana weaving a tale about a gangsta who left her, without explanation, and the hurt that follows. Similarly tied to Dark Paradise, Blue Jeans is the next level of that, her tough-girl spoken verses dismissed as the choruses open up and she pours her heart out.

Cruel World

Lana is on top-form on this song, furious, maddened, sad, taunting – she hits every emotion with style. Lana grows more and more unstable as the song goes on, invoking images of a woman scorned and no longer taking that shit, but she still has a fragility about her as she comes undone that is tied directly to her Ultraviolence era.

Happiness Is A Butterfly

This song goes through many stages. She is unsure, not knowing how her lover feels. She is optimistic, elated as she tries to capture the butterfly. She is dismissive, no longer caring if she might get hurt – she loves too much. She is pissed off, sick of being treated badly. She gives in, simply wanting to dance and just be happy. The flow of this song is constant, a little messy, but it has the beautiful message pinned to it: to keep trying to be happy and do what you love.

Fuck It I Love You

I love the music video version more than the album version, the latter being more stripped back. Fuck It I Love You just gives in to emotion, acknowledging Lana is hurt, her lover is hurt, but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love him. She simply lets that feeling take over.

Cinnamon Girl

Cinnamon Girl touched me like no other Lana song has. Where Cherry was a mixture of emotions, good and bad, angry and loving, devastated and thrilled, Cinnamon Girl was about cautious optimism. Lana urges her lover to give in, and she knows – smiling as she sings it – she wins.

Venice Bitch

Venice Bitch just has that soothing, unhindered feel to it – and not just from the nine minutes of pure music and vibe. Lana dedicates this song to the kind of love that is just wholesome and homely, all whilst touching on her insanity, her ever-lasting love for America and the modern world (her live streams). It feels nostalgic yet contemporary, and adding the “fucks” and “bitch[es]” helps keep this song from being to sugary sweet but instead what it is – an honest love song rooted in the idealised and the realistic.

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sofiaruelle · 4 years

Note

BROOOOO your Stardew lesbian art post gave me an immense rush of serotonin you don’t even know. ANYWAY when you do the Bois, P L E A S E put Sebastian in a skirt. Strong femboy energy on that one,,, Maid outfit-wearer for sure

You'd have to

✨✨✨Commission me✨✨✨

For that one Anon.

I was gonna pretend to be shady and blubber in the tags. Char. But I wanna explain why I am very uncomfyyyyyy by this.

Like don't get me wrong, I am here for the Bois who wear skirts. After all clothes don't have gender. (Also I have literally tried to dedicate my inktober2019 to Bois in lingerie) I am just uncomfyyyyyy by how aggressive, unhinged and sexual your ask/request is. Like I appreciate that your love the series thus far. But the fashion series isn't supposed to be sexual in anyway. I may have draw Haley with very obvious sensual energy to her and Leah with tits out, guns a blazing while I was simping...but like I hoped I managed to convey them owning their sexualities (Haley hyper femme, Leah Butch) rather than objects of lust.

Maybe I'm reading your ask wrong. And you don't mean to come of so agressively.

But like pay up, if you really want to see that. Ok? 😊😊😊

#narwhal speaks #i support the femboy Hooters movement #where effeminate Bois are taking the slur and making it their own #and owning their sexuality.#but like Anon did you literally just read shadman's goth femboy and said that's Sebastian?#miss me with that shit #i mean if you pay me to draw it I won't judge. I got bills to pay.#ALSO HOW DARE YOU ASSUME #MR. I DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE AND WEARS NOTHING BUT HOODIES SEBASTIAN #WEARS SKIRTS??????????#are you sure??????#Alex wears skirts.#and crop tops #He and Haley share the same wardrobe #cause they're the same size #to quote my dearest friend #ALEX IN SKIRTS DESERVES TO BE CALLED PRETTY 😤😤😤😤

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thessaliah · 4 years

Note

If you want malicious female villain in Fate, what is your opinion on Kama/III-L? Despite the meme crying face from the story, her intention to end the world was serious, and she confirms that intention in the end of her interlude as Servant, saying that she will kill or break Guda if he/she will show mental weakness.

Kama’s a can of worms because of the Sakura-use of body to make a male god of love ‘female’ in a nonsensical way that is as bad as the current Gogh’s backstory. Also suffers of the other problem female antagonists do in Fate, they are overly sexualized. The few “evil ones” are still connected to ‘base’ instincts like lust and desire, instead of “lofty ideals” and rational intellectual ones (all assigned to dudes; look Twice vs Kiara). Women aren’t in control, they are always controlled by either their irrational emotions, prey to their desires or are pushed and controlled by a male figure that outranks them in some way. Some male characters have romantic love as motivation or are controlled by base instincts, but they also have a fair share of idealism and rational antagonists while women antagonists have...Lion King?

I still value Tamamo Vitch despite the obvious Male Gaze incorporated and need to push her as a femme fatale.

#fate criticism

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yeswecancan · 6 years

Photo

Sum-Up 2018 - All the films I saw

Burning, 2018 ⑧ (104)

Cold War, 2018 ⑧

Do the Right Thing, 1989 ⑧

Angels Wear White, 2018 ⑧

Grænse, 2018 ⑧

Roma, 2018 ⑨

Kelebekler, 2018 ⑥

Shoplifters, 2018 ⑧

Shutter Island, 2010 ⑦

The House That Jack Built, 2018 ⑦

Suspiria, 2018 ⑦

Life Itself, 2018 ⑥

Widows, 2018 ⑧

Les Gardiennes, 2017 ⑦

Das schweigende Klassenzimmer, 2018 ⑧

Colette, 2018 ⑦

Good Vibrations, 2012 ⑥

Bohemian Rhapsody, 2018 ⑦

First Man, 2018 ⑦

22 July, 2018 ⑥

Buena Vista Social Club: Adios, 2017 ⑧

Bad Times at the El Royale, 2018 ⑦

Kusama: Infinity, 2018 ⑨

Melancholia, 2011 ⑦

Holiday, 2018 ⑦

Dani Boy, ⑥

Happy Birthday, Marsha!, 2018 ⑦

Headspace, ⑥

Juck, 2018 ⑦

The Things That Make Us, ⑦

Pre-Drink, 2017 ⑥

Sununú: The Revolution of Love, 2017 ⑦

Aurore, 2017 ⑧

The Wife, 2017 ⑦

Hjertelandet, 2018 ⑧

Maria by Callas, 2017 ⑥

BlackKKlansman, 2018 ⑦

Ága, 2018 ⑦

The Man Who Stole Banksy, 2018 ⑦

The Children Act, 2017 ⑥

Whitney, 2018 ⑧

Cinema Paradiso, 1988 ⑧

Papillon, 2017 ⑦

To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, 2018 ⑦

Lykke-Per, 2018 ⑥

The Chosen Ones, 2015 ⑧

Sand Storm, 2016 ⑦

The Third Murder, 2017 ⑦

The Fundamentals of Caring, 2016 ⑦

Roxanne, Roxanne, 2017 ⑦

Twinster, 2015 ⑧

Sweet Country, 2017 ⑦

Don’t Worry He Won’t Get Far on Foot, 2018 ⑦

Je ne suis pas un homme facile, 2018 ⑦

Bonnie & Clyde, 1967 ⑦

Bergman - Ett år ett liv, 2018 ⑥

L'apparition, 2018 ⑦

The Place, 2017 ⑦

L'insulte, 2017 ⑦

Beast, 2017 ⑦

Audition, 1999 ⑦

Pájaros de verano, 2018 ⑧

Hannah Gadsby: Nanette, 2018 ⑦

Den skyldige, 2018 ⑦

Insyriated, 2017 ⑨

Hereditary, 2018 ⑦

Love, Simon, 2018 ⑦

Disobedience, 2017 ⑦

Breathe, 2017 ⑥

Mit Grønland, 2018 ⑦

Estiu 1993, 2017 ⑨

Racer and the Jailbird, 2017 ⑦

Isle of Dogs, 2018 ⑦

Skjold & Isabel, 2018 ⑦

Kundbypigen, 2018 ⑦

The Rachel Divide, 2018 ⑧

Evil Genius, 2018 ⑧

The Family, 2016 ⑦

Sankt Bernhard Syndikatet, 2018 ⑦

Jusqu'à la garde, 2017 ⑧

Utøya 22. Juli, 2018 ⑧

Bobbi Jene, 2017 ⑦

Trommeslager, 2018 ⑥

Hva vil folk si, 2017 ⑦

L’atelier, 2017 ⑦

Nancy, 2018 ⑦

Au revoir là-haut, 2017 ⑦

Grace Jones: Bloodlight and Bami, 2017 ⑦

A Woman Without a Name, 2018 ⑦

Aus dem Nichts, 2017 ⑦

América, 2017 ⑦

Battle of the Sexes, 2017 ⑦

The Cleaners, 2018 ⑧

Hale County This Morning, This Evening 2018 ⑦

Les garçons sauvages, 2017 ⑦

A View from the Window, 2017 ⑥

Waiting for Barcelona, 2018 ⑦

Silvana, 2017 ⑦

Welcome to Sodom, 2018 ⑧

Minding the Gap, 2018 ⑧

In den Gängen, 2018 ⑦

You Were Never Really Here, 2017 ⑧

Happy End, 2017 ⑦

Dreaming Murakami, 2018 ⑦

The Man Who Fell to Earth, 1976 ⑦

Picnic at Hanging Rock, 1975 ⑦

Ladies First, 2017 ⑥The

B-Movie: Lust & Sound in West Berlin 1979-1989, 2015 ⑦

Le Cercle Rouge, 1970 ⑦

The Leisure Seeker, 2017 ⑦

Annihilation, 2018 ⑦

120 battements par minute, 2017 ⑦

Heroin(e), 2017 ⑦

LA 92, 2017 ⑨

Imperial Dreams, 2014 ⑥

Lady Bird, 2017 ⑧

Call Me By Your Name, 2017 ⑨

The Shape of Water, 2017 ⑦

Phantom Thread, 2017 ⑦

Roman J. Israel, Esq., 2017 ⑥

Black Panther, 2018 ⑧

Ferdinand, 2017 ⑥

Logan, 2017 ⑦

Darkest Hour, 2017 ⑦

The Disaster Artist, 2017 ⑦

Captain America: Civil War, 2016 ⑥

The Room, 2003 ④

Beauty and the Beast, 2017 ⑦

Strong Island, 2017 ⑦

Untitled, 2017 ⑧

Last Men in Aleppo, 2017 ⑦

Ein deutsches Leben, 2016 ⑧

Visages, villages, 2017 ⑦The

Abacus: Small Enough to Jail, 2016 ⑥

Blade Runner 2049, 2017 ⑦

Coco, 2017 ⑧

Molly’s Game, 2017 ⑦

Fitzcarraldo, 1982 ⑦

Fra Balkonen, 2017 ⑥

En frygtelig kvinde, 2017 ⑤

The Florida Project, 2017 ⑨

I, Tonya, 2017 ⑦

Katt Williams: Great America, 2017 ⑦

Mudbound, 2017 ⑦

L’ année dernière à Marienbad, 1961 ⑦

Wind River, 2017 ⑧

Downsizing, 2017 ⑦

The Post, 2017 ⑦

Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri, 2017 ⑧

Neruda, 2016 ⑥

Loving Vincent, 2017 ⑦

Jeune femme, 2017 ⑦

Lucky, 2017 ⑦

Нелюбовь, 2017 ⑦

Hjertestart, 2017 ⑦

David Chappelle: The Bird Revelation, 2017 ⑧

David Chappelle: Equanimity, 2017 ⑦

The Big Sick, 2017 ⑧

Star Wars: The Last Jedi, 2017 ⑦

Baby Driver, 2017 ⑦

Seen for a 2nd time

Lady Bird - The Square - Call Me By Your Name - Estiu 1993 - Isle of Dogs - Bonnie & Clyde, Melancholia - Do the Right Thing - Angels Wear White

Seen for a 3rd time: The Florida Project

① ② ③ ④ ⑤ ⑥ ⑦ ⑧ ⑨ ⑩

Favorites are bolded

#2018 Sum Up #Films in 2018 #list #movie #cinemaphile

10 notes · View notes

peaches-of-1 · 7 years

Text

~MASTERLIST~

This is the BTS Masterlist. Other lists include:

Blackpink 🐨

EXO

Stray Kids

Red Velvet

KARD 🐨

TWICE 🐨

Multifandom (Also acts as a Catch All for Fandoms I don’t stan) 🐨

Pristin

Monsta X 🐨

Seventeen

SHINee 🐨

Pentagon 🐨

🍑 = My favorites | 🐨 = Updated Last Week

Aesthetix: Aesthetics/moodboards that I have made

BTS-

Disney

Suga as Adam from Beauty and the Beast

V (Taehyung) as Aladdin from Aladdin

RM as Li Shang from Mulan

Jimin as Naveen from Princess and the Frog

Jungkook as Flynn Rider from Tangled

J-Hope as Peter Pan from Peter Pan🍑

Jin as Tarzan from Tarzan

Winnie the Pooh

Jungkook as Roo

Hobi as Piglet 🍑

Jimin as Pooh

Jin as Rabbit 🍑

Yoongi as Kanga

Tae as Tigger

Namjoon as Owl

Birthday

V (Taehyung) 2017

Hoseok 2018

Yoongi 2018

Holidays

New Years 2018 (Black Tie)

Christmas 2017

Valentine’s Day 2018

White Day 2018

Friday the 13th (April 2018) 🍑

Friday the 13th (July 2018)

Mythical Creatures

Unicorn J-Hope 🍑

Vampire Jin

Centaur Jungkook

Merman Jimin 🍑

Incubus RM

Dragon Suga

Werewolf V

Yoongi Mermaid

Jimin + Fairy Prince

Elements (1)

Suga & Ice

J-Hope & Air

RM & Earth

Jin & Earth

Jimin & Water

V & Lightning

Jungkook & Metal

Elements (2-Requested)

Jungkook & Fire

Others 🐨

Nature Photographer RM 🍑

Nyctophilia Suga

Bias Tag RM

Sugar Daddy Tae

Yoongi’s indoor day ft. coffee

Date with photographer Tae

Travelling with Jin

Amusement park date with Jungkook 🍑

Namjoon Amusement park date

High School Sweethearts with Jungkook

Dinner Date with Hoseok

Rainy day Study Date with Jimin

Jimin at a Masquerade Ball 🍑

Jin and a Sheep/Soft Jin (Request)

Namjoon as Rhysand from A Court of Thorns and Roses

Jimin + Space

Yoongi + Trans BF

Beach Day with BTS

Fall Jungkook

Star Alien Hobi

Alien Invasion Taehyung

Hoseok Camping Trip 🍑

Jin Proposal

Jin Wedding, peony version

Hobi and goth gf

Taehyung Plus Size Barbie gf

Hoseok at his Studio Apt

BTS Barista!AU 🍑

Namjoon’s Crabs 🍑

Arctic Tundra Adventure with Taehyung 🍑

Aftercare with Jin

Hobi and femme Alien s/o 🍑

Back to School with Jungkook

Song Lyrics

Jimin + “I Like Me Better” by Lauv

RM + “Ride” by SoMo

RM + “Get On Your Knees” by Nicki Minaj ft. Ariana Grande

Color

Jin + Hot pink

Taehyung + Lilac

Jin + Pink Variety

Jin + Silver 🍑

Jimin + Pastel pink

Suga + Orange

Jimin + Black

Namjoon + Purple

Tae + Aqua blue

Hyung line + grayscale

Tae + Aqua blue (2.0)

Namjoon + Black

Tae + Gold 🍑

Jimin + Pastel Blue

Hobi + Gold and red

Taehyung + Pastel Blue 🍑

Jungkook + Blue

Yoongi + Teal/Turquoise

Yoongi + Pink

Hobi + Silver

Jin + Grey

Namjoon + Yellow

Hobi + Black Lace

Jungkook + White and Ivory 🍑

Jungkook + Lavender

Alice in Wonderland

Jimin as Alice and Dormouse

Taehyung as Mad Hatter and Absolem

Jungkook as White Rabbit

Jin as Queen of Hearts 🍑

Yoongi as Cheshire Cat

Hoseok as Mad Hatter

Namjoon as Alice and Absolem

Gods/Goddesses (April Theme)

Namjoon as Posidon 🍑

Yoongi as Zeus

Taehyung as Hera

Yoongi as Nyx

Hobi as Ra

Jin as Aphrodite

Jimin as Artemis

Jungkook as Eros

Taehyung as Hestia

Yoongi as Tibetan Snow Lion

7 Deadly Sings

Hobi as Pride 🍑

Jungkook as Envy

Namjoon as Greed

Jimin as Lust 🍑

Suga as Sloth

Jin as Gluttony

Taehyung as Wrath

Circus AU

Normal Route- (Y/N), Jimin, Taehyung, Jin

Mafia AU

Jungkook

Jimin

Taehyung

Jin

Suga

Supreme Boi

Hoseok

OC: Desta

Namjoon

Demon AU

Chapter 5 Outfits

Chapter 7 Outfits

Chapter 9 Outfits

#MayMood

#Flowers + Yoongi 🍑

#TeasingSex + Jin (NSFW) 🍑

#Protective + Namjoon

#Dom + Jimin (NSFW)

#Bondage + Namjoon (NSFW) 🍑

#AirplaneSex + Hobi (NSFW)

#WaxPlay + Yoongi (NSFW)

#TrainSex + Taehyung (NSFW)

#Puppers + Taehyung 🍑

#ShowerSex + Jungkook

#Wanderlust + Jin 🍑

#Koya + Namjoon

#Koala + Jimin (ft. Others)

#Soft + Jimin

Cartoon Characters (June+) 🐨

Taehyung as Jack Frost (Rise of the Guardians)

Jungkook as Deku (Boku no Hero Academia)

Namjoon as Zuko (Avatar: The Last Airbender)

Jin as Tamaki Suoh (Ouran High School Host Club)

Jimin as Bubbles (The Powerpuff Girls)

Jin as L (Death Note)

Jungkook as Kaname Kuran (Vampire Knight)

Jungkook as Buttercup (The Powerpuff Girls)

Jin as Neji Hyuga (Naruto)

Taehyung as Blossom (The Powerpuff Girls)

Jin as Makoto (Free!)

Hoseok as Woody Woodpecker

Jimin as Pikachu (Pokémon)

Jin as Johnny Bravo

Jin as Link (Legend of Zelda)

Namjoon as Mushu (Mulan)

Suga and Hoseok as Kiki and Lala (Little Twin Stars)

Taehyung and Jungkook as the Hitachiin Twins (Ouran High School Host Club)

Jimin as Hello Kitty

Taehyung as Kiki (Kiki’s Delivery Service)

Yoongi as Batman

Jin as Princess Bubblegum

Suga as Sesshomaru (Inuyasha)

Jungkook as Inuyasha

Jungkook as Chihiro (Spirited Away)

Jungkook as My Melody (Hello Kitty)

Taehyung as Keith Kogane (Voltron)

Hobi as Jaune Arc (RWBY)

Yoongi as Chat Noir (Miraculous Ladybug)

Namjoon as Kyoya (OHSHC)

Pride Colors 🐨

Jimin + bi colors 🍑

Yoongi + pan colors

Namjoon + Ace colors

Jin + Demisexual colors

Kookie + trans colors

Hobi + Intersex colors

Hobi + Autosexual colors

Namjoon + Pan colors 🍑

Yoongi + Trans colors 🍑

POC bf (Trope)

Jungkook + Travel bf

Namjoon + Pink UwU bf

Yoongi + Minty shy bf 🍑

Jin + Techie bf

Taehyung + Flower bf

Hobi + Tennis bf

Jimin + Pastel bf 🍑

POC gf (Time period)

Yoongi + Rennaissance gf 🍑

Jungkook + 90s gf

Jin + Ancient Greek gf 🍑

Hobi + Roaring 20s gf

Taehyung + 70s gf

Namjoon + 50s gf

Jimin + 80s gf 🍑

Moodboard Challenges (Others in series x x x)

Jin + Nightcrawler (1/?)

Pastel Pink Jungkook (2/?)

Nature Witch Yoongi (3/?) 🍑

Hobi + Hummingbird (4/?)

Jin + Yeehonk Wedding (5/?)

Taehyung + London at Night (6/?)

Jimin + Beach (7/?) 🍑

Jungkook + Zoo Date (8/?) [Not the right number but eh]

Writinx: Things I Wrote

Reactions

You fall asleep while BTS records

Red Carpet Wardrobe Malfunction

Request- BTS finding out you smoke

You’re Scared of the Dark

Accidentally Confessing

Catch You Dancing Like No one is Watching 🍑

Request- BTS Giving Aftercare

Request- Abusive ex

Request- Using a Safword

Request- Shy Strip Teasing

Request- BTS Finds You Writing member x member Smut

BTS- Finding your Fandom Tumblr 🍑

Request- Interpreter GF to BTS

Request- Birthday Sex Slave 🍑

BTS- You Put Gifts into their Luggage

BTS- They See You in Their Clothes

Request- S/o Gets Cat-called 🍑

Request- You Have Small Boobs (body positivity)

Request- You Like being Called Names in bed

Dating a Theatre Nerd- Vocal Line, Rap Line 🍑

They Hear You Sing for the First Time

Request- You take Them to a BDSM club

Request- They visit you in the hospital

Request- You’re exhausted after play rehearsal 🍑

Request- They Don’t Know you’re a professional Dancer

Request- They Spoil You with gifts 🍑

Request- You Get in a fight and they pick you up from the police

Bias Line: You’re Quiet until You’re Horny 🍑

Request- Figure Skating S/O

Request- Spoiled GF

You Send a Panty Pic

Request- Angry Sex

Request- You are in a Kid’s car and offer bf BTS a juice box

Request- Airport Goodbye 🍑

Request- See You in Wedding Dress 🍑

Request- Food Sharing S/O

Request- Food Porn in public 🍑

Request- Stuck with S/O inside car during snowstorm

Request- Denying sexytimes

Request- Teach Blowjob 🍑

Request- Rain on wedding day 🍑

Request- You call them beautiful during a casual moment

Request- Boys comfort you from having a bad day at work

Request- They see themselves as your phone wallpaper

Request- Clingy gf 🍑

Request- Nervous Around guys

Request- S/O tells them to go fuck themselves

Request- Outside date

Request- Plastic Surgeries GF

Request- BTS finds out Kookie is a Little

Request- Long Distance Relationship

Request- Meeting up with fellow ARMY who doesn’t know you’re dating a member (Vocal line)

Request- S/O working too hard to produce an album

Request- GF has scary dog that’s a teddy bear (Hyung Line) 🍑

Request- You have a big scar on your leg

<<BTS Reactions- Part 2>>

Most to Least (MtL)

Drop Food on the Floor and Eat it

To Eat Cold Pizza

Green Room Quickie

BTS as...

BTS as Musicals 🍑

BTS voices as Type of Fabric

Undertale Characters

Mystic Messenger Characters

NekoPara Characters

Cats

Full Stories

Training (NSFW) 🍑

Love at first sight (Fluff)

Namjoon

Seokjin

(V) Taehyung

Yoongi

Hoseok

Jungkook

Jimin

Unexpected pt1 (NSFW)

Unexpected pt2 (NSFW)

First Valentine’s Day Together:

Theatre Kid Series- Paused

She/Her: Prologue 1

He/Him: Prologue 1

They/Them: Prologue 1

🎪BigHit Bigtop (Circus AU)- Currently Ongoing

Prologue: Pt1, Pt2, Pt3

Choice #1.1

Choice #2.3

Choice #3.1

Choice #4.2

Choice #5.4

Choice #6.1

🌹666 So Fresh (Demon AU)- Active

Chapter 1:

Chapter 2:

Chapter 3:

Chapter 4:

Chapter 5: Part 1, Part 2

Chapter 6:

Chapter 7:

Chapter 8:

Chapter 9:

Chapter 10:

Chapter 11:

Chapter 12:

Chapter 13:

Chapter 14:

Chapter 15:

🌇The Trusted (Mafia AU)- Finished

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

👔Bad Manager- Idol!AU while dating BTS member and having an abusive manager

Jin

Yoongi

Hoseok

Jungkook

Taehyung

Namjoon

Jimin

Adrift (Mermaid AU)

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

7 AUs

Jin + CEO!AU

Yoongi + Florist AU

Other+

Jin fluff for a friend

Raffle Winner 1 (Jin pov)

Raffle Winner 2 (Hoseok wedding)

Raffle Winner 3 (Monsta x Wonho)

Writing Challenges

Valentine’s

Day 1- Elementary Card Exchange (Reader x Jin) 🍑

Day 2- Flowers (Reader x Suga)

Day 3- First Kiss (Reader x Hoseok)

Day 4- Love Letters (Male!Reader x Taehyung) 🍑

Day 5- Bad First Date (Reader x Namjoon)

Day 6- Already Taken (Jimin) 🍑

Day 7- First Time to Meet (Reader x Taehyung)

Day 8- Long Distance (Jungkook x Reader)

Day 9- Meet the Pet (Namjoon x Reader)

Day 10- Candy ( Reader x Yoongi)

Day 11- Perfect Date (Jimin x Reader) 🍑

#Masterlist #BTS Masterlist #bts reaction #BTS writing #BTS aesthetics #BTS aesthetic #BTS moodboard #BTS moodboards #BTS

2K notes · View notes

crab-the-shrimpaler · 6 years

Text

OC stats

Snagged from @dinah-myles

Casca Lavellan

29 at the time of the conclave

B A S I C S

Full name: Casca Lavellan

Gender: Femme-of-Center

Sexuality: Demiromantic, Demisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

Family: Clan Lavellan - Estranged

“Her Clan” - Alan Mahariel, Zevran Arainai, Shale, Matai Hawke, Merril Mahariel, The Iron Bull, Dorian Pavus

Birthplace: Free Marches near Ostwick

Job: Inquisitor, Body Guard to Magister Lord Pavus

Phobias: None

Guilty pleasures: Flowers, Tiny cakes (especially floral flavored ones)

Hobbies: Blacksmithing/Armorining specifically, embroidery, drilling

M O R A L S

Morality alignment? Chaotic Good

Sins? Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth

Virtues? Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience,Kindness, Humility

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert (Introverted with humans, extroverted with people she trusts)

organized/disorganized

close minded/open-minded

calm/anxious

disagreeable/agreeable

cautious/reckless

patient/impatient

outspoken/reserved

leader/follower

empathetic/unemphatic

optimistic/pessimistic

traditional/modern

hard-working/lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Solas (The love of Casca’s life. She never romantically loves again) Iron Bull Abelas

Acceptable ships: Pretty much anyone who isn’t a human. She’s racist.

ot3: Casca x Iron Bull/Dorian

brotp: Casca + Dorian

notp: C U L L E N

Tansy Adaar

25 Years old at the conclave

B A S I C S

Full name: Tansy Ranier

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Bisexual

Pronouns: She/Her

O T H E R S

Family: Birth Parents Unknown

Adaar - Adoptive Father, Deceased

Embrium - Adoptive Mother, Deceased at the Conclave

Thom Rainier - Husband

Arum - Son, 2 mo old

Dahlia - Daughter, 1 year (triplet)

Orchid - Daughter, 1 year (triplet)

Iris - Daughter, 1 year (triplet)

Aster -Daughter, 2 year

Zinnia -Daughter, 2.5 year

Birthplace: Qunandar

Job: Mercenary/Inquisitor

Phobias: Healers

Guilty pleasures: Dancing, finery (especially silk dresses and chiffon nightgowns),

Hobbies: Nug training, painting (She likes to paint Thom’s toys)

M O R A L S

Morality alignment? Lawful Good/Neutral Good

Sins? Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth

Virtues? Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience,Kindness, Humility

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert

organized/disorganized

close minded/open-minded

calm/anxious

disagreeable/agreeable

cautious/reckless

patient/impatient

outspoken/reserved

leader/follower

empathetic/unemphatic

optimistic/pessimistic

traditional/modern

hard-working/lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Blackwall forever

Tansy x Vivienne

Acceptable ships: Josephine, Leliana, Maryden

ot3: Blackwall x Tansy x Josephine

brotp: Tansy + Vivienne

notp: Cullen, Varric, Dorian, Iron Bull.

Doc Adaar

23 Years old at the conclave

B A S I C S

Full name: Merodach Adaar

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Homosexual

Pronouns: He/him

O T H E R S

Family: Unknown

Iron Bull - Husband and Master

Birthplace: Par Vollen

Job: Inquisitor

Phobias: Maggots/rot

Guilty pleasures: Candle wax, CBT.

Hobbies: Writing poetry, knife collecting

M O R A L S

Morality alignment? Chaotic Good

Sins? Pride, Greed, Lust, Envy, Gluttony, Wrath, Sloth

Virtues? Chastity, Temperance, Charity, Diligence, Patience,Kindness,Humility

T H I S - O R - T H A T

introvert/extrovert

organized/disorganized

close minded/open-minded

calm/anxious

disagreeable/agreeable

cautious/reckless

patient/impatient

outspoken/reserved

leader/follower

empathetic/unemphatic

optimistic/pessimistic

traditional/modern

hard-working/lazy

R E L A T I O N S H I P S

otp: Iron Bull

Acceptable ships: Whoever can top the shit out of him

ot3: none

brotp: Doc + Cole, Doc + Varric

notp: Cullen, Dorian, anyone who is even remotely subby

Anyone who wants to do this please do! Then tag me!

#my ocs #dragon age #casca lavellan #doc adaar #tansy adaar

5 notes · View notes

chiseler · 6 years

Text

SWEET YOUNG INNOCENT

Coleen Gray and Sterling Hayden in The Killing

Long before Coleen Gray arrived in Hollywood, when she was still a teenager named Doris Bernice Jensen living in Staplehurst, Nebraska, doppelgängers playing the Coleen Gray role were already appearing on the big screen. In the 1940 RKO programmer The Ape, Maris Wrixon took a Coleen Gray turn as a sweet and innocent young woman with a spinal defect who becomes the focus of Boris Karloff’s affections. Unfortunately, being a mad doctor, Karloff’s efforts to find a cure for the poor girl drive him to kill a whole bunch of people. A year later in John Huston’s High Sierra, it was Joan Leslie in the Coleen Gray role, as the good hearted young woman with a club foot who very nearly convinces Bogart’s Roy Earle to change his criminal ways. Then she makes the mistake of telling him she’s engaged to someone else. And in an oddly prescient move, three years after Coleen Gray earned her first major role, Jean Hagen played Sterling Hayden’s lonely, desperate and long-suffering girlfriend in Huston’s Asphalt Jungle, some six years before Gray would at long last play the role herself in The Killing.

For all the doppelgängers who came along before and after—and there were plenty—none of them could top Gray herself as the embodiment of lovely, wide-eyed, corn-fed All American innocence—though an innocence, while incorruptible, that often wandered unknowingly into some shadowy territory and the company of some pretty rough characters.

After getting her BA in Dramatic Arts from Hamline University, Gray (still Doris Jensen at that point) set out to see more of the country, stopping first in La Jolla. She worked as a waitress for a few weeks before making the headlong plunge into Hollywood. She enrolled in an acting school, began appearing in some small theatrical productions around L.A., and, as the classic story goes, was spotted by a talent agent who offered her a contract with 20th Century Fox. In an early magazine interview, gray told the reporter of her girlhood dreams of being a movie star, particularly how she would decorate her dressing room and buy gifts for her staff—all the standard dreams of a typical Coleen Gray character. But as so often happened with her characters, after getting what she wanted she soon realized it wasn’t nearly as glamorous as the movie magazines would have us believe.

First came the name change, from Doris Jensen to Coleen Gray, the single “l” to make her unique, and the “Gray” to subconsciously remind people of Betty Grable.

After an uncredited role in 1945’s State Fair was followed by two other uncredited roles, in 1947, the year film noir really came into its own, the newcomer Gray established herself as a genre stalwart, nearly as inescapable as Ida Lupino, but with her own unique character and persona. In counterpoint to all those devious, dime-a-dozen femme fatales out there, and counter even to Lupino’s streetwise and world wary dames, Gray was redemption, a sign of hope within a dark and nihilistic world.

Her big break came as the narrator and co-star of Henry Hathaway’s seminal and groundbreaking Kiss of Death. Working opposite Victor Mature and a young Richard Widmark (making his unforgettable screen debut as sociopath Tommy Udo), it was Gray’s opening narration that established her screen persona for time immemorial.

Over shots of the snow falling on Midtown Manhattan, her gentle Midwestern voice explains:

“Nick Bianco hadn't worked for a year. He had a record - a prison record. They say it shouldn't count against you but when Nick tried to get a job the same thing always happened: ‘Very sorry. No prejudice, of course, but no job either.’ So this is how Nick went Christmas shopping for his kids.”

While most Noir Era opening narration tended to be stern and authoritarian, warning audiences about the scourge of crime, the dangers to be found in the shadows of the big city and what have you, Gray’s voice is empathetic and, yes, innocent, the voice of a young woman in love, and so willing to overlook a few of her beau’s minor character glitches. She understands nick’s circumstances and makes no moral judgment about his decision to rob a jewelry store in the Chrysler Building in order to buy Christmas presents for his family. What we don’t learn until later is that our narrator, Nettie, was actually the criminally young Bianco family babysitter when the events of the opening scene take place.

Gray herself doesn’t appear onscreen until much later, when she shows up at the prison and breaks down, telling nick his wife has killed herself, his daughters have been put in an orphanage and, oh, yes, she’s been in love with him for years.

That seems A-OK with Nick, and through the narrative economy that so marked Hathaway’s film. The moment he’s sprung we jump months, even a couple years ahead to find Nick and Nettie married, settled down and living a deliriously happy suburban existence. Nick’s finally found work as a bricklayer, and Nettie has given her inner Midwestern girl free reign, keeping house and making dinner in a dress and apron. Even as things go to hell soon afterward, with Nick drawn back into the shadows to try and ensnare that cackling Tommy Udo, Netti’s perhaps naive optimism never falters.

It was a very good year for Gray, who also found herself co-starring opposite Tyrone Power in another, much darker noir touchstone. Her role in Edmund Golding’s Nightmare Alley (based on the William Gresham novel) would at first blush seem a radical departure from the sweet young innocence of Nettie, but you watch closely, and there’s still plenty of Nettie in Molly. Yes, Molly is a carny working a sideshow electric chair gag in a seedy traveling show , but for all the men lusting after her she remains sweet and virginal. Even when she takes up with the mercenary con man Stanton Carlisle (Power) and the two split the carnival to shoot for the big time with a mentalist act, her conscience comes with her. Once the act morphs from a simple nightclub routine into a spiritualist scam preying on the fragile emotions of the mourning and desperate, pretending to offer comforting contact with lost loved ones, that conscience rears up and Molly splits the show. She returns at film’s end, however, back at the sane carnival where Stanton himself lands after falling as hard and low as a man can manage. While all the other women Stanton has dealt with along the way proved themselves just as conniving and wicked as he is, Molly reappears as a singular symbol of possible redemption. Unlike the book, her presence offers that hope, however slim, Stan might pull himself together yet.

Five years later in Phil Karlson’s Kansas City Confidential (with Lee Van Cleef, Neville Brand, Jack Elam and John Payne), Gray doesn’t appear until late in the film, but works the same redemptive magic. Sweet and innocent as ever, she’s unaware that her retired cop father has turned criminal mastermind. She’s also wholly unaware her father’s about to settle a score with his three cronies while the patsy he framed for a million dollar armored car heist is closing in to settle a few scores of his own. She just decides to pay a visit, like any loving daughter, because she hadn’t seen her dad in awhile. Worse, during her unwittingly ill-timed visit, she falls for the patsy in question (Payne) even though she knows he’s already got a recored, because as ever she can see beyond such trifles.

The crowning jewel, and the perfect bookend to her role as noir’s ever-present symbol of goodness and light and hope within the darkness came in 1956 with Stanley Kubrick’s The Killing.

Losing the chewing gum and the cheap eyelashes, Gray essentially reprises Jean Hagen’s role in Asphalt Jungle, but with a certain melancholy purity that makes the role all her own. Kubrick made it clear he signed Sterling Hayden specifically on account of his performance in Asphalt Jungle, and yes, Fay’s relationship with Johnny Clay (Hayden) echoes the relationship in the Huston film in many ways—the sad young woman yearning for little more out of life than a scrap of attention from her outlaw boyfriend. More interesting within the context of the film is how the relationship acts as a mirror image of that scheming Sherry (Marie Windsor) and her sap of a husband George (Elisha Cook) across town. Sherry endlessly belittles George, having not the slightest inkling he’s involved in planning a massive heist. Fay, meanwhile, is a simple kid who—like Nettie in Kiss of Death—knows full well what Johnny’s business is, and loves him anyway. Again, all she wants is a little attention in return, but knows she’ll have to wait to get it. Despite the company she keeps, she’s as wide-eyed and innocent as ever, and at film’s end, when everything goes to hell, she doesn’t run, doesn’t scream or panic. She offers a few gentle suggestions about possible escape, but when a clearly defeated Johnny shrugs off her suggestions, she waits again as he turns to face the cops, and you know she’ll keep waiting until he gets out of prison.

For noir nuts, that was the high water mark, though afterward gray was busier than ever, mostly on television and mostly in Westerns, where her midwestern beauty made her a natural. There were a few weirdies dropped in along the way, including her starring role in the 1960 low-budget drive-in hit The leech Woman. Essentially a knockoff of the previous year’s The Wasp Woman, and one of her very few villainous turns, Gray plays a middle aged woman who learns the secret to eternal youth lay in a formula that calls for the pineal gland of a male. Given the serum’s youth-restoring properties are only temporary, well, that means she’s going to have to start collecting a lot of pineal glands. In another less than wholesome turn in 1962’s The Phantom Planet, she plays the blond and manipulative daughter of a…well, to be honest it’s a bit too much and too mind boggling to get into here, but Gray does seem to be having fun playing against type.

In an era when such a thing wasn’t the kiss of death (so to speak), Gray was an outspoken political conservative and Christian, and as early as 1964 was lobbying Congress for a Constitutional amendment allowing prayer in public schools. She continued working steadily into the mid-Eighties, retiring from show business while only in her sixties. Along with her third husband Joseph Fritz Ziesier, she devoted the last three decades of her life to social work, from the Red Cross and Girl Scouts to an evangelical fellowship group aimed at prison inmates. Which is pretty much what you’d expect from a Coleen Gray character.

by Jim Knipfel

#Jim Knipfel #Coleen Gray #Sterling Hayden #The Chiseler

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olivia200312 · 4 years

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Claimed~ TFP! Optimus x Human! Reader (Lemon)

Plot: Optimus is in heat and Y/N lets herself to be claimed by the Prime ;)

This is a lemon!

Head area:

Brain: Processor / Brain Module

Head: Helm

Face: Faceplate

Ears: Audio receptors / Receptor Orifice / Audials

Nose: Enstril / Olfactory Sensor

Eyebrow: Optical Ridge

Eyes: Optics

Mouth: Intake

Lips: Dermas

Teeth: Denta/Dentas

Tongue: Glossa

Chest area:

Chest: Chassis / Thoraxal Cavity

Back: Hexa-Lateral Scapula

Spine: Bipedalism cord / Back Strut

Chest and back armour:

Chest plate

Backplate

Mid-section plating

Neck guard

Side plating

Arm area:

Arms: Arms / Restarlueus

Forearms: Bitarlueus

Hands: Servos

Fingers: Digits

Arm armour:

Gantlets

Shoulder pads

Arm guard

Lower area:

Pelvis: Pelvis

Butt: Aft / Skid-Plate

Thighs: Tibulen

Calves: Cadulen

Feet: Pedes - the high heel bits are called Struts or Heel Struts.

Lower armour:

Skirt plates

Aft plate / Skid plate

Thigh guard

Ankle guard

General/Internal components:

Muscles: Cables / Pistons - It depends on the area in question.

Veins: Fual lines

Stomach: Tanks

Lungs: Vents - used to stop the con/bot from overheating.

Heart: Spark

Tattoos: D-con/A-bot Insignias and the lark

T-Cog: The thing that allows all Cybertronians to transform, be that their arms or their whole body.

Bonus:

Penis: Spike

Vagina: Valve

Body: Frame

Note: the art goes to the owner!

--------------------------------------------------------

"O-Optimus... ah!"~ Y/N moaned in pleasure as Optimus sucked on her neck from behind.

You may wonder how all of this happened. Well, let me tell you one thing: heat. The leader of the Autobots, Optimus Prime, went into heat. He was dating a beautiful human femme named Y/N L/N, who was 18. Yes, she was an adult. They're sparkmates. They met each other when one day Cons decided to kidnap Y/N for tests and brought her to the Nemesis ship. Optimus found out that the Decepticons kidnapped a human girl that he rescued her with other bots. That's where they met each other. At the base, Optimus explained everything to Y/N and she understood him. Everyone liked her, even though some bots needed some time to warm up.

Optimus offered Y/N to be her guardian and she accepted. They started to talk to each other that they warmed up very fast. Optimus fell more in love with Y/N because of her personality. She was just so kind, funny, supportive... He then started to hang out with her more often that everyone noticed in the base. Ratchet, being a smart doc bot he was, asked Optimus the question: "Optimus, I noticed that you're hanging out more with Y/N lately. Do you like her?"

Optimus was surprised but he was also blushing slightly blue. He did start to feel warm around Y/N that he couldn't stop looking at her. Once Optimus told Ratchet what he felt, the medic was shocked: "By the AllSpark... You have fallen for Y/N."

Optimus of course understood and badly wanted to confess his love feelings towards his human crush, but he was scared to get rejected.

The story goes on and yadda yadda yadda. Ratchet created a device machine that could turn the bots smaller almost close to humans height. Optimus finally confessed his love feelings to Y/N and she accepted his confession. She was so happy!

And that's when like two months later, Optimus entered his heat. The bots knew and even surprisingly humans as well in the base, but Y/N was the one that didn't know. And now this is happening. Love~ ;)

Optimus continued to suck Y/N's neck while touching her entire body. He was exploring it with his servos. Yes, his mate was naked on his lap. Optimus was in his bipedal holoform (A/N: I'm gonna call it that now so that it'll be easy for a lot of fans)

Y/N was arching her back while one of her arms was behind his neck. She wanted Optimus to fill her up so good with his warm seed until she can't walk in the morning.

"I want you to frag me so hard until I can't walk and fill me up good." Y/N's eyes were full of lust and her human valve was throbbing, beging to be filled up.

Optimus hummed and he wanted to mate with Y/N so bad and he wanted to fill her up so good as well. His spike was in fact rubbing against her wet human valve, making Y/N wetter. His spike was also huge and was hard.

"What do you want me to do, sweetspark?" Optimus was teasing Y/N. He knew of course what she wanted.

"F-Frag me! Frag me so h-hard until I can't help!"

Optimus smirked and lifted Y/N up. He then placed his servos on her hips and watched as she slid right into his spike. She was tight, wet and warm that he grunted. He heard Y/N whimper in pain and Optimus, being a gentlemech (or bot) he was, waited for Y/N to get used to his size. His servos were still on her hips as he whispered sweet words into her ear.

Once the pain was gone, Y/N moved a bit, giving Prime a sign to move. Optimus gladly started to move. He was thrusting up gently at first, but then...

"F-Faster! Harder!"

Optimus growled and granted her wishes, moving harder and faster this time. He was thrusting up hard and rough that he slammed against her G-spot many times, causing Y/N to scream in pleasure. Who knew that sex could be this pleasurable? Especially when you're having sex with a handsome Cybertronian?

Optimus' servos were on Y/N's hips while thrusting up rough. Y/N was for sure not gonna walk the next day. The Prime even buried his faceplate in the crook of Y/N's warm neck and left love bites, more than one. Y/N screamed in pleasure as she felt a knot in her stomach. She was coming close. "O-Optimus, I'm cumming!"

Optimus then moved rougher this time than ever before. Heck, he even used his digits to rub Y/N's clit to make her come faster. Y/N panted and moaned loud as Optimus pleasured her more. The Prime was coming close to as well. Time to fill her up good.~

"O-Optimus, a-ah!" Y/N then finally came a lot and her juices even came over Optimus' spike, some even dripped out.

Optimus roared in pleasure and finally came too. His transfluid was hot and sticky that it reached even in her womb. A lot. He even claimed Y/N as his. She was now his and only his. He heard Y/N sigh in bliss and Optimus smiled a little. He was tired and he could tell that Y/N was tired as well. He gently lifted Y/N up as his spike was finally limp since the heat was over. His spike pulled out and he laid down on the berth and placed Y/N on top of him. Y/N smiled tiredly, snuggled, and fell asleep.

"I love you, sweetspark," Optimus said gently with a tired smile. He held Y/N protectively and he could swear that he heard: "I love you too, Prime."

Ok, I'll try to publish the sneak peek next since I posted it in the conversations. I'll try to publish more of RID2015 and Bayverse more since there is quite TFP already.

#optimus prime x reader #optimus prime #Transformers Prime #TFP #Lemon #Mature

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ughthatimagineblog · 7 years

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red lips and secrets

spencer reid x reader

request: Hiii!! I saw that you do spencer Reid fics, and I’ve requested this one a few times with different authors and their lives just got in the way of completing my request (which is completely fine I understand 100% I’m not mad at all). I was just wondering if you could do a spencer Reid x reader based off the song Secrets by The Weeknd. If you could make it as if The Weeknd and spencer are the ones sharing the story if that makes sense that would be cool. Idk anything is appreciated a lot!!!

Write some spencer reid angst plz 💕

warnings: angsty, sad, femme fatale reader, cheating (sorta, you’ll see) also, cheating is NOT GOOD OR COOL, please never cheat on your partner or s.o, if you are interested in someone else, please end your current relationship before dating/seeing/sleeping with someone else

word count: 1318

a/n: so this is sort of a mess but not really. the italicized lyrics are from the song ‘secrets’ by the weeknd and each snip is a sort of basis for the next paragraph or so. this whole prompt was based off of the song and its angsty enough soo i took out two prompts in one stone

Everybody here wants you My love, my love And I know that you want him too My love, my love I ask you what your heart desires My love, my love You tell me I'm the only one My love, my love

“Spencer. Spencer.” They said his name twice, snapping him out of his daze. It was a wonder he didn’t drop his glass he was so out of it. “She’s here.” JJ and Derek notified the boy and he took to action. They were at the annual gala held for the BAU and his girlfriend, Y/N Y/L/N, was receiving an esteemed award. She deserved it, really. She solved over half the cases brought in that year and risked the most on the field. In the beginning of last January she was shot twice on the field and went into action again the moment she was healed. Spencer was more than proud to be her boyfriend, but he had a ghost he couldn’t seem to get rid of. The notion she didn’t fully belong to him. He would take nights talking to Hotch about this exact issue. “I mean you see the way everyone in the office looks at her. You see the way Derek looks at her and I can’t help but notice the way she looks at him too. She’s just so, flirtatious, and I have no idea if its faux or real.” He ranted and Hotch put a hand on his shoulder. “Y/N has a very outgoing personality, Reid, you know that. You knew that when you asked her out. She’s going to have an outgoing personality which can be perceived as flirtatious. I wouldn’t worry.” And for months, Spencer wouldn’t. He joined your side when you walked into the event room where the main ceremony would be held. “Hello, darling.” She greeted him as usual. They spent the rest of the night together, Spencer refusing to leave his side, knowing if he did, Derek would be there in a moment. That night, they were laying in bed when Spencer rolled over to face her, “Y/N?” He asked through the dark. “Yeah, Spence?” She replied and he smiled. “Are you sure you want to be with me? I mean I’m nothing compared to Derek. He’s outgoing, strong, and far more good looking than me and I know you went on a date with him before.” She sighed, reached over and turned on the light. “Spencer. You know I only want you. Derek was full of himself. Not my type. And you are so much more handsome than Derek, to me. I love you.” And with that, she pressed a quick kiss to his lips, said goodnight, and snuggled against Spencer’s chest, leaving him in the dark to question every word.

It's a lie, a lie I catch you every time In your lust, your lust Every time you close your eyes I hear the secrets that you keep When you're talkin' in your sleep I hear the secrets that you keep, keep, keep When you're talk, talkin', talkin' I hear the secrets that you keep When you're talkin' in your sleep I hear the secrets that you keep, keep, keep When you're talk, talkin', talkin'

Spencer’s heart would clench when he would see her around the office, talking with other guys. Derek, Luke, Matthew, who next? Hotch? He would think to himself as he watched her interaction with the other men. The way she would throw her hair over her shoulder and laugh. The sparkle in her eyes when they would say something funny. It was the same sparkle that he saw when she looked at him once. Now, when they did, they still had a sparkle, but it was full of mystery and he didn’t know what eyes he was looking at anymore. Sometimes in bed he would question who he was laying next to. He would hear whispers, mumbles from her lips. Her soft, pink lips that used to be his. They would whisper different names every night. For months he would awake to the sound of names. Names, names, names. He almost didn’t come into work so he wouldn’t have to hear the same ones he heard at night during the day. “Derek. . .” “Luke. . .” “Derek. . .” “Matthew. . .” But on some, more recent, lucky nights, Spencer would hear his own name. The first time he did, he shot up in bed. It broke him from his sorrow daze in the dark and gave him hope.

You told me not to worry 'bout Those guys, those guys You told me that you left it all behind Behind It's a lie, a lie I catch you every time In your lust, your lust Every time you close your eyes

“Spencer, I will tell you and tell you again,” She would say, her lying lips smeared in red, a color that Spencer had already decided would kill him. “You don’t have to worry about the other guys. I don’t love them. I love you.” She would whisper before pressing her ruby lips to his, and then to his neck, to the edge of his ear, and down below and he was caught again. Caught in a never ending circle of wanting to end the infidelity and then not because he realized he didn’t want to lose you. He knew where you went on Saturday nights when he would work late at the office and you would leave to hang out with ‘friends’. When he would come home, you would pull in fifteen minutes after he got home and he would stay quiet, knowing a night of mumbles and whispers were ahead and any protests wouldn’t change that.

Wipe... the… Lust from your eyes I see that you're not mine I can see the lust in your eyes You can't hide it You can't be the one I realize, we're divided

“Spencer, why are you doing this?” She yelled after him, walking throughout the house. “I have had it.” He was fed up and the small, innocent, shy boy she’d come to know was gone. He was angry. Seeing Derek drop you off at three in the morning was the last straw. “Have had what?” She yelled in innocence. “I see you, I catch you all the time in the office flirting with the other guys and I don’t know why I’ve been with you for so long, put up with it for so long.” He complained. “And now Derek, dropping you off at three in the morning! What do you expect me to think? And-and-and on our one year anniversary?” Spencer yelled and she began to grow nervous the neighbors would complain.

“Does he bring you home every Saturday? After you both are done having fun? Or does it alternate between Derek and Luke?” Spencer complained and the look of shock that crossed his love’s features was almost comedic. “Having fun? What is it exactly do you think we do? Talk about in the office? Huh, Spencer?” She fought back. “Oh don’t kid me. Every night for the past six months I hear you whispering their name at night. It’s not hard to see the way you lust after those two guys. You can barely hide it. I can’t believe there was a time where I thought you were ‘The One’, I was obviously wrong.” He crossed his arms and turned from the girl he loved.

She set the bags she had carried in on the floor. “I have been spending six months with them, to work on this,” She spoke calmly and Spencer turned around to see her pulling out a large book. It looked as though there were a million details and pictures. “I needed the help from the other guys because I needed a guy's opinion. I went to Derek’s every Saturday night to work on it. Those ‘lustful stares’ I gave to the boys was because I was talking about you. I was thinking about you. I am madly in love with you but you know what, Spence, you were right. I’m not the one. We aren’t one anymore. We are more divided than I could have imagined.” She nearly tossed her gift to the table and walked out.

Spencer was left standing there, his fingers to his lips, wondering what he just lost, the image of her red lips stamped in his brain.

hope yall enjoyed!

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #reid x reader #reid #criminal minds imagines #criminal minds #fandom imagines #x reader

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iidontgiveafuckuniverse · 7 years

Text

L’Homme Fatale [Kai One Shot]

(I DO NOT OWN THIS GIF)

Pairings: Jongin/Kai x Reader

Genre: Mostly angst, some fluff

Warnings: None except mentions of sex and quite a lot of angst

Requested by Anon

Requests are open :) xx

My Masterlist :) xx

1/1

Word Count: 12,218 (I am so sorry it’s this long. If you want me to, I can split it up into two parts and post it like that)

Sometimes we meet the right person and have the best of moments with them, simply at the wrong time.

L’Homme Fatale(Deadly Man): Is a stock character of a mysterious and seductive man whose charms ensnare his lovers often leading them into compromising, dangerous or even deadly situations. He is an archetype of literature. Also the masculine form of a Femme Fatale(Deadly Woman).

You were sitting in your best friends room while she pestered you about last nights events. You rolled your eyes at her and pushed her away making her laugh at your sudden shy behaviour. Last night you went out clubbing to celebrate graduating. You went alone since Mel couldn’t go with you but you had the time of your life. You were finally an adult and it felt freeing so you had a few drinks too much getting a bit too tipsy to know exactly what you were doing. Your mind trailed off thinking of him. His plump lips lighting your skin on fire making you lose all sense of reality, getting lost in the moment. His eyes were clear in your mind despite all the alcohol that was in your system at the time. His soft hands leaving a lingering feeling on your skin despite the shower you had this morning. The thoughts made you shiver and smile to yourself before Mel pulled you out of your thought flailing her arms in your face.

You looked at her as she watched you expecting an answer, her eyebrows raised in anticipation as she waited. You sighed, a laugh escaping your lips before you cleared your mind, trying to concentrate on something else and not the mystery guy from last night. “Mel, it was the best night of my life, by far. You should’ve seen him. The way he moved on the dance floor so effortlessly. He had the most peculiar shade of deep brown eyes and those lips. I have never seen more kissable lips in my life.” You spoke lost in the picture of him in your mind hearing Mel chuckled beside you.

“Whoa, if I didn’t know any better I’d say you were in love. How was he though? In bed I mean.”

Mel continued to pry her eyes sparkling with excitement. She was always the wilder one between the two of you. Always having fun and living in the moment until she found a boyfriend about six months ago. You could tell she missed just having fun with no strings attached hence her wanting to know every detail of your hook up. It made you shake your head at her and laugh.

“He was so incredible, so much so that I’m questioning if I just imagine it all. Do you believe in love at first sight?” You questioned your friend noticing how she made a face at your remark and looked at you as if you were crazy.

“You’re insane. There’s no such thing. Lust at first sight; yes but not love. Besides, I think if it was anything it was love at first shag, wouldn’t you say?”

Mel said playfully making you hit her with a pillow while you laughed along. It did seem mad to fall in love at first sight but you knew you wanted to see him again, hoping it might lead to something more. It was a crush for sure though, that much you knew. “ What is his name anyway?” You heard Mel ask and you froze, your eyes widening as a gasp left your lips. Mel seemed to know why and she started to laugh loudly, her eyes shut tight making you frown at her.

“I can’t believe you forgot his name. Bless your heart.”

Mel mocked and you looked down feeling your cheeks burn from embarrassment. How could you forget his name when everything else was still so vivid and fresh in your mind? Every touch and kiss was burnt into your memory yet his name slipped away. If you had a pen and paper you could draw his face perfectly, every line and blemish but you couldn’t remember his name to save your life. You groaned and shook your head as Mel stood up still laughing but trying to contain it upon seeing your sour facial expression.

“Let’s go downstairs my forgetful little puppy.”

Mel joked making you roll your eyes but follow her to the living room, remembering her mention that her boyfriend would be coming over to watch a movie with you and Mel. You haven’t met him yet so you were very curious to see who was the guy that made Mel start dating in the first place.

“I can’t wait for you to meet him, you’ll love him. He’s amazing.”

Mel gushed over her boyfriend while you sat on the sofa, your mind going back to the mystery man that made you feel pure bliss last night. You sighed looking through your phone hoping you’d find a new contact but there was nothing. You pursed your lips throwing your phone next to you making Mel giggle at your sour mood.

“Oh come on (Y/N), I’m sure you’ll meet someone. Why don’t you go on a date with that guy from the coffee shop down the road? Mike is it? He is crazy about you.”

Mel suggested making your expression morph into a disgusted one as you shook your head violently just thinking about it.

“Mark and no, are you insane? He’s a creep! Last time I saw him he told me the hour and minute I was born. Like, how does someone find that out? No way!”

You protested, shivers going down your spine at the thought of Mark. You brushed the feeling away as the doorbell rang, signalling Mel’s boyfriend had arrived. She ran for the door like her tail was on fire making you chuckle to yourself as you waited for the happy couple to walk in. You heard Mel squeal followed by a kissing sound making you gag from how loud the sound was but it also made you happy how lovestruck Mel seemed to be, for the first time in her life.

“Not now my friend is here. I want you to meet her.”

You heard Mel’s voice followed by a sigh that made you stop what you were doing and look up, your eyes wide as he came into view. You stopped breathing, the only sound in your head being the beating of your heart in your ears and Mel’s fading voice. You locked eyes with him, the events of last night flashing behind your eyes like a kaleidoscope of memories, your throat closing up as panic and anxiety took over your body. It was him. Your mystery guy was Mel’s boyfriend. You stood frozen in your spot your eyes travelling from his eyes to his lips and then back to his eyes that widened a fraction as if realisation finally hit him.

Mel’s hand dragging you to him snapped you out of your trance as you cleared your throat trying to look somewhat unaffected although you knew he noticed your shock and recognised you. Thankfully Mel was oblivious to the whole thing, only caring about you meeting her boyfriend unaware that you already knew him. You knew him far too well, more than a friend of his girlfriend should, but you tried to go along anyway.

“(Y/N), this is my amazing boyfriend Kai and Kai this is my lovely best friend (Y/N).”

Mel said sweetly, a ball of guilt pressing against your chest slowly growing bigger the more you looked at the two of them. As you looked at her then at Kai, you faked a small smile and extended your hand for him to shake. He straightened himself up and shot you a big smile, shaking your hand. You felt electricity shoot up your arm at the feeling of your hand in his, his smile making your knees feel weak while your brain screamed at you to snap out of it. This was wrong. Your feelings were wrong because your friend, your best friend was dating the guy you slept with and had a crush on.

“Pleasure to meet you (Y/N).”

His voice made your heartbeat quicken but you swallowed the feeling down and nodded at him, not trusting your voice knowing it’d come out strained and shaky. You pulled your hand from his going to sit on the couch, trying to look as comfortable as possible. All you wanted to do was go home and scream in your pillow frustrated at how unlucky you were, but you couldn’t do that. Mel wanted you to meet Kai and get to know him and if you bolted out she would probably think it was suspicious, so you stayed hoping Kai wouldn't try to start up a conversation with you.

“Don’t mind her, she isn’t usually like this. She gets grumpy when she has a hangover.”

Mel whispered to him but you heard it, having the impulse to smack her to make her shut up. Kai knew you had a hangover, he was part of the reason you had it in the first place. Competing who could drink more shots was how you met Kai. That competition lead you to end up in the backseat of his car with his naked body on top of yours. The more you thought about your choices the guiltier you felt. What made the guilt grow even more was the picture in your mind from last night as you looked over at him. You, unknowingly helped your best friends boyfriend cheat on her. You started fidgeting with your fingers, pulling at your sweater trying to block the two of them out and concentrate on the movie but when he sat next to you pulling Mel into his chest, you felt your own chest tighten upon feeling his warmth radiating onto you.

It was halfway through the movie when Mel got up saying she wanted popcorn. You said you didn’t want anything, feeling like you may vomit if you ate anything, Kai’s presence making you feel every emotion all at once. When Mel got up and left for the kitchen you felt Kai’s gaze on the side of your face but you wouldn’t dare look at him, feeling like the smallest action would expose you to Mel and you didn’t want to lose your friend over a one night stand. Suddenly you felt his hand on your thigh, slowly moving upwards making your breath hitch and your eyes widen. You were frozen in your spot, your brain screaming at you to push his hand away but your body wasn’t listening to you. You felt like putty below his touch, every muscle in your body shutting down as your breathing increased. You soon felt his breath on your cheek, his nose against the side of your head as he whispered.

“I hoped I’d see you again, babe.”

It’s been six months since Mel introduced you to Kai and six months since you started falling for him. You took your shirt off the ground pulling it over your head before looking over your shoulder seeing a shirtless Kai smirking back at you. You wanted to slap that smirk off his face but over the months you became weaker and weaker when it came to Jongin so you smiled instead, your chest feeling heavy as if someone was sitting on it, preventing you from breathing normally. You turned around pulling your jeans on and sighing before taking your bag and putting your shoes on wanting to get out as fast as you could. It felt so wrong sleeping with your best friend’s boyfriend but when he suggested the idea you couldn’t refuse. You tried to, of course, multiple times at that, but after a month or so he convinced you to have an affair with him. No strings attached and Mel never had to know.

You thought it would just stay a crush and your feelings wouldn’t grow but the more time you spent with him the deeper you fell. It’s been four months since you admitted your feeling for him to yourself. It felt as if the entire world was on your shoulders but you ignored it hoping him giving you his body would be enough. It didn’t take long for you to realise that wouldn’t ever be enough for you but you couldn’t find the strength to break it off. You hoped that he may develop feelings for you and want a real relationship with you one day. That thought made you feel like the worst person in the world, wishing your best friends boyfriend fell in love with you and left her for you. It made you feel dirty so every time after you’d sleep with Kai you’d take an hour long shower trying to scrub the mistakes away, knowing full well you’ll repeat them the very next day. Even so, you couldn’t get yourself to tell him the 2am visits had to stop. Partly because the sex was amazing but mostly because you saw how sweet he could get when he was with Mel.

You spent a lot of time with the happy couple noticing small things he did that made him the perfect boyfriend. He would absentmindedly make circles on Mel’s back whenever he saw her get uncomfortable about something, trying his best to make her feel better. He seemed to have the need to touch her at all times. Not in a perverted way but rather in a sweet romantic way. Holding her hand or playing with her hair or even resting his hand on her knee without much thought. He was always touching her and everytime you noticed a small part of you would crumble away, to which fact he was oblivious to. When Mel was in the room, she was all he saw, you becoming nothing more than another face in the crowd while Mel became the biggest attraction in his eyes. Only after midnight would you become something he craved for. You knew he craved your body. He was attracted to your body and he wanted it desperately. But that’s all he really wanted; your body. Not your feelings and your heart. Those meant nothing to him, he wanted that from Mel, not you. It made you feel that much more pathetic to love him as much as you did. Every night with him leaving you with another broken piece of yourself; leaving those parts in his hands to do with them what he wants to. You felt less and less like yourself the more of yourself you gave to him. It almost felt like he was taking parts of you on purpose, wanting to see how long you’d last before completely falling apart.

“Oh, I forgot. We can’t meet tomorrow. It’s Mel’s and my one-year anniversary.”

Crack

You wanted to laugh as you could practically hear the moment his words made another crack in your heart. Another piece falling to the floor at his feet. His words reminding you that he wasn’t yours and you weren’t his. You were just each others’ guilty pleasures, nothing more. His voice made you feel warm inside but his words cut you down, feeling as if you’re free falling by your own will, knowing he’ll take a step back letting you hit the floor, as he should. He had a girlfriend he loved and you both knew it. He didn’t have to care about you. It will be your own fault when you get hurt even more.

“That’s fine, I can’t make it tomorrow anyway.”

You spoke, your voice not giving anything away. Over these five months, you learned how to hold everything in until you got home. Crying only the moment you stepped into your apartment, feeling as if someone was burning an iron rod into your heart with Kai’s initials on it, marking your heart each and every time he touched you. You felt his presence behind you as his arms wrapped around your middle, his lips leaving a trail of kisses on your neck making you stifle back a sob knowing it didn’t mean anything. It was becoming too painful to have him hold you and kiss you before showing off his beautiful girlfriend that wasn’t you. He hurt you every time he’d kiss you or touch you but he was the only one who could make you lose yourself in your fantasy, even if for only a few hours.

“I have a date.”

You said calmly prying his hands off of you as you took your coat, your body feeling cold without his arms around you but you pushed that feeling down, at least until you got home. You went to open the door but before you could walk out Kai’s hand stopped you pulling your back against his chest, his lips right above your ear, his breathing compelling you to close your eyes on instinct and sigh as you felt yourself melt into his touch.

“A date? Since when do you date?”

His voice was quiet and serious, his tone sending shivers up your spine, his fingers slipping under your shirt as he squeezed your waist. The action made you let out a moan making him hum in response while he nuzzled his face into your neck, bitting the skin making you wince but you couldn’t pull away. Not when there was a constant pull whenever you were around him making you unable to resist him no matter how deadly he may be. However, you found the strength in you to pull away the slightest bit, looking up at him seeing something different about his facial expression; his eyes had something behind them that you couldn’t read. You sighed and shook his hands off looking at the mirror hoping Kai didn’t leave a mark on your neck.

“Afraid your date will see the mark I made?”

His voice seemed to hold some kind of pride laced with a mocking tone making you frown and shake your head not wanting to question him about it or fight with him. You had no right to ask him anything and neither was he. That wasn’t the arrangement. It was strictly physical and you need to stick to that.

“I can date if I want to. I have to go now. Bye Kai.”

Your voice came out a bit harsher than you expected and he noticed pulling you back, pushing you against the door a frown on his face making him look slightly intimidating but you knew better than to be scared of Kai. His face came closer to yours, his nose touching yours as he leaned down kissing you aggressively like he was trying to make some kind of a point but it flew right over your head as you tried your hardest not to kiss back and for the first time you succeeded making him glare at you, a possessive look in his eyes.

“With who?”

He said through gritted teeth before his lips went to kiss down your jaw, sucking on the skin of your collarbone. All you wanted to do was give into him and let him do whatever he pleased with you but if you stayed any longer you would lose it and you couldn’t afford Kai seeing you cry. So you tried pushing him away but he wasn't listening.

“Kai, l-let go of me.”

You said shakily and the moment the words left your lips he pulled away looking at you with shock written all over his face. You looked away from him hearing him click his tongue and sigh almost sadly but you pushed that possibility aside as you heard him speak.

“You never say no to me....”

His voice faded at the end, disbelief laced with anger in his voice. You flinched at his words, feeling even smaller knowing that you, in fact, had never said no to him. You never rejected him which made you feel even more pathetic if that was even possible.

“There’s a first time for everything I guess.”

You whispered afraid your voice would break if you said it any louder. You cautiously looked up at Kai seeing an unreadable expression framing his face making him look like you’ve never seen him before. It made your stomach drop as you took your bag from his hands but he wouldn’t let go making you sigh.

“Did I do something wrong? What did I do?”

He asked his grip tight on your bag, having no plans to let go of it until you answered him. You shook your head pulling at your bag which only made him scowl at you and take your wrist into his hand harshly, pulling you closer. What did I do? His question almost made you want to laugh and cry at the same time. It was tragic and comical how much he didn’t sense the irony of his question.

“You did nothing, Kai. Why are you acting this way? You’re not my boyfriend.”

Your words made him stiffen up, his eyes widening for a second as he stared at you, both of you unmoving. If you didn’t know any better you’d say he looked almost hurt from your words. The thought made you chuckled quietly which only made him frown at you even more. You sighed and tried to tug your wrist away from his grip.

“Kai, I’m not your girlfriend. Mel is.”

His face turned stone cold the moment you mentioned her name as he dropped you hand moving away from you and shaking his head. You sighed putting your bag over your left shoulder as you slowly opened the door still hoping like an idiot that he’d ask you to stay with him and cuddle. But you didn’t do that. You weren’t there for that. Mel was there for that.

“I asked you; with who?”

Kai whispered making you turn around to find him looking at the floor his shoulders stiff, firsts clenched before he looked at you and smiled, suddenly seeming like the Kai you always saw. You sighed and faked a smile not noticing how fake his smile was as you spoke.

“Chanayeol.”

The days went by without you noticing you haven’t left your flat in ten days. Your back was pressed against the wall, your eyes following the droplets of rain hitting your window, the rain making you feel like it understood you since the storm outside looked how you imagined the storm happening inside of you looked like. The rain was ripping through the autumn leaves before letting them fall to the ground like the memory of his touch was ripping through your soul, this thought only bringing more tears to your eyes. The wind was hitting against your window making you flinch away as you felt the cold wind on your skin seeing the wind blow the window open as the rain started to pour inside staining your white carpet. You sighed and went over to the other window, closing it before feeling the water soak into your socks but you were too out of it to take them off so you just sat down on your sofa, your hands going to rest on your cheeks while you looked at the fireplace, watching as the flames dances around casting a shadow on the floor, the small movements able to take your mind off of Kai and the date you rescheduled because you just simply couldn’t bear to fake smiles and sit through an entire date knowing it won’t change a thing. It will only confirm that no guy is or will ever be quite like Kai.

Your conscience told you that you shouldn’t look for a guy like Kai but rather look for the very opposite of Kai. Someone who would hold your hand proudly in public, watching you with a loving gaze, as if you were the most beautiful person in the world. Someone who would take you out on normal dates without having to hide inside four walls because he already had a girlfriend. Every rational fibre of your being told you to call Chanyeol and tell him you want to go on that date with him but your heart told you that going on that date meant moving on from Kai, because no matter how much you betrayed your best friend and how big of a homewrecker you were, you still weren’t a cheater. So if you did go on a date with Chanyeol you would close the book that had ‘Kai’ written all over it. Whatever the two of you had would be over and even though you knew that it had to be over, for your own well being, you couldn’t pull the plug on you and Kai. He was detrimental to your mental health and now even your physical health. You knew he was ruining you in every imaginable way yet he was still pulling you in like a magnet. You hadn’t seen Kai in ten days, not after that day in his flat. Being away from him for that long physically hurt you. Every bone and muscle in your body ached for him and his affection that the rational part of you knew wasn’t real yet that didn’t stop you from wanting to call him and tell him to come over. His kisses hurt you and made your throat close up from the tears that were bubbling over but, at the same time, he was the only one who could take that pain away. You knew your thought sounded crazy, even to you but it didn’t top you from clutching your phone in your hands, reading his messages from five days ago.

| Kai | Monday 3.45am |

When can I see you?

Can I come over?

Why are you ignoring me?

I want to see you.

I miss you...

Your shaky hands held the phone to your chest, your chest feeling as if it would explode the pain almost unbearable. Every second worse than the last. You could hear his voice telling you these words and it made your skin crawl knowing the meaning behind them wasn’t what you wanted it to be. You knew he was just in need of pleasure and nothing more. You hoped to see him at your door, begging for you to let him in, waiting until you’d open the door and then he’d tell you he loved you. Sadly, you knew, at least part of you did, that this wasn’t a fairytale or a Nicolas Sparks movie where they end up together even if everything was against them. If it was, it was one of his tragic movies, the ones you watched the past couple of days, seemingly loving the feeling of suffering. Kai hadn’t sent you a text nor did he call in the last five days, proving to you, for what seemed the millionth time, that you didn’t mean that much to him. Not as much as Mel. Not as much as he meant to you. Not as much as you wished you meant to him. You simply didn’t mean enough. You wanted to be angry with him, to hate him and accuse him of doing this to you. Turning you into this broken girl. A crumbled up piece of paper, but you couldn’t. You couldn’t hate Kai. Not really, not truly. You hated yourself instead, blaming your weak self for giving into him over and over again and letting him drag you along while you fell deeper and deeper with each smile or look directed towards you. A simple smile from Kai would make you feel important like you mattered to someone as good as Kai. Someone too good for you, in every sense of the word. He was important his parents being famous business people. He had the money, the name, the social status, everything. That's why you thought him and Mel went so well together. She was from a good family just like he was. She was worthy of his open affection while you were only good enough to screw around with in secret. You were from an ordinary family. You weren’t poor but you weren’t filthy rich either. You were shocked that Mel even wanted to be friends with you. You always thought rich people were all full of themselves and snobs, but Mel was different. She became friendly with you not caring that you were ‘less’ than her. She became your best friend fast and she took you to lavishing parties all the time, trying to make you feel as much a part of her lifestyle as she could. She was one of the nicest people you knew so just looking at Kai’s messages and knowing how much you were betraying her made you feel disgusted by yourself.

Maybe that was what drove you over the edge. The fact that Mel deserved a better friend or maybe it was the picture she posted on Instagram with the caption ‘I love you to the moon and back. #PromiseRing #Love #Forever’ Every word on the screen was like a knife through your heart, the picture above convincing you further of where your place was. Away from Kai, supporting your best friends relationship. It was a picture of her and Kai, his arms draped around her while she sat in his lap showing off the promise ring he gave to her, most likely for their anniversary. Her life seemed nothing short of a fairytale in your yes. She had almost everything. From the outside looking in, it looked perfect. What angered you was that even after he gave her a damn ring, he texted you saying he wanted you and missed you. You screwed your eyes shut, feeling the tears roll down before wiping them away and calling Chanyeol to ask him if you could see each other tonight. Your body was shaking but you knew you had to move on. It was way overdue especially knowing he was one step closer to being engaged. It cut you down right in the middle but you took every bit of strength you had and smiled into the mirror as Chanyeol answered the phone, his deep cheery voice hitting your eardrum making you snap out of your thoughts.

You were seated in a fancy restaurant opposite of a well dressed Chanyeol who was smiling brightly back at you. His hair was perfectly parted in the middle, the silver colour shining below the dim lights of the room. You couldn’t deny his handsomeness or that you could be attracted to him if you tried but that was the problem; you had to try. With Kai, it was an automatic attraction. With Kai, you had to try and not be attracted to him and his presence and judging by your thoughts, you were failing at it. Chanyeol cleared his throat before he began talking about a new song he learned to play on the guitar. You noted how adorable he was when he spoke about his passions and then you wondered about Kai and his passions and if he’d look just as adorable when talking about them. Soon enough Chanyeol’s voice became a mere whisper, his words not registering in your brain as you looked right through him unable to concentrate on his words, your mind far away from this place and Chanyeol. You unconsciously tried to get Chanyeol’s face to morph into Kai so you could pretend you were here with Kai and that it wasn’t impossible.

“Hey, is everything okay?”

You heard Chanyeol’s voice as you quickly tried to smile and nod before he could tell something was off but judging by his face and soft eyes, it seemed like he caught on as he sighed and put his palm over your hand, gently rubbing your hand with his thumb. You looked up at him but you didn’t move your hand away, knowing that he was being friendly more than anything else. He smiled at you and squeezed your hand as if to show you that you could talk to him if you wanted to. You knew Chanyeol for a while now, meeting him at Mel’s birthday party since he was friends with Kai. He always seemed like a nice goofy guy so when he asked you out you said yes, thinking that it might do some good to be away from Kai. The part of you that told you going out with Kai’s friend would make Kai jealous made your stomach turn as you denied that those were your intentions.

“You’re thinking of someone. Is it Kai?”

That made you gasp, your eyes looking at Chanyeol in shock before you averted your gaze, unable to look at him from the shame of someone actually knowing your biggest secret. You questioned if he knew you were sleeping with Kai or if he just noticed you looked at Kai differently. Whichever it was, it wasn’t good that he knew firstly because, the truth, once out, it spreads just like a fire and you couldn’t afford Mel knowing. Secondly, you didn’t want him judging you. You did that yourself enough every single day. You felt Chanyeol tug at your hand making you look at him from the corner of your eyes noticing that look. Pity. It made you angry that it was directed towards you but you knew you looked pitiful but you still didn’t want people giving you that look. It made you feel that much more awful and weak. He cleared his throat and smiled at you before he sat in a chair next to you, putting his arm around your shoulders.

“I know about you two. I saw your phone one time you left it at his place. That was about two months ago.”

His words cut through you making you feel smaller under his burning gaze. You bit down on your lip, your eyes shutting close as you felt the tears brought on by self-pity pool behind your eyelids making you curse yourself for being so easily breakable. You felt Chanyeol squeeze your shoulder as he brought you closer to him, both of you ignoring the dessert on the table. His embrace felt somewhat comforting at it didn’t burn like Kai’s but it wasn’t as warm as Kai’s either. Chanyeol was more gentle with you, trying his best not to hurt you which only hurt more knowing Kai would never be like this when it came to you. You opened your eyes looking up at Chanyeol as the first tear fell but Chanyeol’s thump caught it, wiping it away softly, his hand not leaving your cheek.

“Chanyeol I- if you knew why did you ask me out?” You were genuinely surprised that he would ask you out knowing you were sleeping with someone regularly. He chuckled at your words, his hair falling down his forehead as he shook his head at you. Chanyeol sighed and intertwined your fingers with his long ones looking into your eyes in a caring way that felt more and more platonic each passing second.

“I like you. You seem nice and I noticed how down you looked for a while so after I found about the Kai situation I thought I’d take you out to get your mind off him. I thought someone like you deserved a proper date and not what Kai gives you.” His words made your heart flutter, not because you liked Chanyeol but because of the words that he used. He thought you deserved more than what Kai had to offer and it made you smile but a numb ache was still thumbing inside your chest knowing that the person you wanted to say this to you never would. Chanyeol’s words also seemed to indicate he liked you which made you feel like a bitch for saying yes to this date. He didn’t deserve to be strung along. You couldn’t do to him what Kai was doing to you.

“Chanyeol, you’re really nice and sweet but I don’t like you like that, I’m-”

You began to explain but he hushed you and put his hand up haking his head with a lazy smile on his face.

“I know you don’t like me. I’m not into you like that either I just thought I should try and get your mind off of the shitty things. I feel like I’m not helping much though, am I...” Chanyeol trailed off noticing how you ended up talking about Kai even though that was the opposite of why he called you on a date. You giggled at his pouty face that reminded you of a puppy. He looked at you with furrowed eyebrow surprised to hear you giggle which made you stop and look at him before you burst out laughing like a madwoman. He looked very confused but he too started to laugh when he saw you having trouble breathing from all the laughter. You didn’t know why exactly you were laughing or why he was laughing, but the pain in your stomach from laughing numbed the pain in your chest, making everything feel lighter for a short amount of time. You wiped your eyes catching your breath before looking at a smiling Chanyeol who was still trying to calm down, his breathing heavy.

“Why are we laughing?”

Chanyeol coughed sipping his wine before looking at you as you shrugged not knowing the answer yourself. You smiled at him sipping your cocktail but your heart stopped when you looked behind Chanyeol, your breath getting caught in your throat, your smile dropping and turning into a frown when you locked eyes with Kai. Mel was walking beside him in a pretty black dress laced with gold patterns that made her look like a million dollars making you look down at your simple red dress, feeling underdressed all of a sudden. Chanyeol looked at you confused before turning around seeing what made you freeze up. You heard him sigh as he squeezed your hand tightly as if to assure you that you’ll be fine. You heard Mel’s voice calling your name while dragging Kai behind her with a big smile plastered on her face, happiness radiation off her. You bit the inside of your cheek, waiving at her with the biggest smile you could muster while trying to keep your eyes away from Kai. When they walked over to your table you felt the need to run away, hoping to God they just came to say hi and go on their merry way.

“Oh my, Chanyeol and (Y/N)? On a date? Am I seeing things?”

Mel exclaimed overdramatically making you laugh awkwardly pulling your hand away from Chanyeol about to protest and say it wasn’t a date because it wasn’t but Chanyeol pulled you closer to him and smiled at them his voice full of pride as he announced you as his girlfriend knocking the air out of you as you tried to control your shock. Your eyes found Kai’s, his posture stiff while he loosely held Mel’s waist his eyes already looking at you with disbelief. You wanted to laugh at how baffled he looked, your own mind unable to comprehend why he looked so shocked. Did he think you would never go on a date because you were sleeping with him? Did he really think that highly of himself? You frowned at yourself because no matter what he thought, you weren’t on a date and you wanted nothing more than to be alone with him, no matter how much you tried to deny it. You looked down once his gaze became too much for you to take and before you knew it, Mel was asking to sit down saying she missed you and that it would be fun to have a double date. You nodded slowly making her smile big and sit next to Kai on the opposite side of the table. You felt your palms sweat as Chanyeol rested his hand on your knee hoping to calm you down but Kai’s eyes burning into your skin was making that difficult.

For a while Mel kept the conversation going, asking about you and Chan then talking about her new clothing line proudly saying how Kai will model them for her. It made you sick how jealous you felt every time she would kiss his cheek, her pink lipstick leaving a faint mark on his skin. Your knuckled were clenched by your side trying your hardest not to show how much their closeness affected your emotions. You ordered another drink, this being your fourth one but you didn’t care, you needed something to keep you calm so you wouldn’t burst. When the waiter brought you your drink you smiled and thanked him before taking a sip trying to block out the voices around you as you played with the straw in your glass. After what felt like ages you felt Chanyeol shaking you making you look up seeing Mel push her hand in your face, smiling like a lovestruck idiot showing you the ring she got from him. It killed you. Absolutely wrecked you, ripping any stitches you made over the past few days before it felt like she was pouring salt into your wound just by showing you a stupid piece of jewellery. You hated her for rubbing the fact that she had him in your face but you were well aware that she didn’t know that it hurt you. You were her friend and she thought you’d be happy, so you were. A smile made its way onto your lips as you took her hand examining the ring, ignoring the flames that licked the corners of your heart making it hard to breathe. You smiled, looked up with happy eyes, your eyes falling to Kai for a moment before locking with Mel. You swallowed the tears, squeezed her hand, took a breath and accepted the role of a good friend.

“It’s beautiful. I’m glad you’re finally happy. You deserve it, Mel. I’m happy for you.”

Your words were bullshit, you knew it. You wanted her to be happy but not with him. Not with Kai. She deserved happiness but you knew you loved him more and you told you that you deserved him as well. You weren’t happy for her. You wished for what she had and it made you hate yourself. You envied her but this wasn’t about you. It as about Mel. You needed to be her friend so that’s what you were. A best friend happy for her friend. Mel took her hand back and smiled at you before she went to kiss Kai’s cheek yet again, your eyes unable to not look but you were surprised when you saw he was already looking at you, his jaw clenched as Mel kissed him. You gulped looking at Chanyeol for help but you knew he couldn’t get you out of this situation. You sighed and excused yourself going to the restroom Mel trailing behind you telling you how happy she was you too finally found someone. You just nodded and smiled, Mel too happy to notice how unhappy you actually were. You weren't offended she didn’t notice your mood, you were glad because this way you wouldn’t have to explain anything to her.

After you realised you couldn’t relax with Mel breathing down your neck you decided to just go back to the table after applying your lipstick. You sighed and walked next to Mel, a loud crashing sound and shouting coming from the main area of the restaurant. You gasped when you saw the commotion was coming from your table, the table turned over as Kai and Chanyeol wrestled on the floor, spewing profanities at each other. Mel screamed in fear while you ran towards them trying to push Kai off of Chanyeol before Kai could kill him. You wrapped your arms around Kai’s bicep putting all your strength into dragging him away while he punched Chanyeol’s face repeatedly, his face red from all the shouting. You finally got to push Kai off of CHanyeol kneeling next to Chanyeol helping him up before you turned towards Kai who was about to lunge towards Chanyeol again but you stood between them your hands on Kai’s chest, keeping him away from Chanyeol who was hissing in pain, his lip cut open.

“You fucking son of a bitch, Chanyeol! I swear if you-”

“If I what Kai?! Hmm? Humour me you egocentric self-centred self-absorbed gutless fucking bastard!”

Chanyeol spat back his eyes shooting daggers at Kai who looked enraged but he wasn’t pushing against your hands anymore, just looked at Chanyeol with a mix of emotions while Chan looked back smirking. You pulled away from Kai, to stand next to Chanyeol and that’s when Kai finally looked at you just as Mel walked over to him, looking at his swollen cheek with worry in her eyes. He ignored her, his eyes boring into yours like he could see inside of your head, reading your mind as if it was an open book. You couldn’t stand the feeling he was giving you so you looked at him coldly, your eyes like daggers making his eyes widen at your gaze. All you wanted to do was take care of his cut-up cheek but you knew he had someone who would do it. You weren’t needed so when the manager of the restaurant came over and told you to leave you sighed in relief, pulling Chanyeol along moving your gaze away from Kai. He looked as if he wanted to say something to you, call after you or stop you from leaving but he didn’t. He sighed and took Mel’s hand in his letting you walk out of the restaurant with Chanyeol.

A month later and you were still in that godawful place where you knew you had to move on but you refused to accept it. Every day seemed bleak and colourless. The world seemingly morphing into this black grey colour, perfectly capturing your feelings making you feel like the universe itself was mocking you and your pain. Every little thing irked you and made you feel like everyone and everything was against you. Couples walking hand in hand with smiley faces finding warmth and comfort in each other while you walked alone. Every romantic thing that used to fly over your head, now poked your eyes and made you feel lonelier than you actually were. You were rarely alone if you were being honest. Half of your day was spent at the office writing columns for a magazine and the other half was spent with your colleagues or Chanyeol. You finally believed you were okay and then nighttime comes. That’s the worst; looking at the clock, seeing 3am pass without a phone call from him or a knock on your door. You would barely get three hours of sleep a night, sometimes not even that much. You felt completely and utterly dead inside. Only breathing for the sake of breathing. By this point, you were just about surviving rather than actually living. The only reason you even tried was because Chanyeol wanted you to. You saw no point in hoping for happiness any longer. You simply met him too late and now you wanted more but there’s wasn’t anything more for him to give.

The drink in your hand felt heavy, your hands too weak to hold it properly as you walked amongst the bodies of people at the party. Chanyeol made you come telling you Mel would be sad if you ditched her party. You being your pain-loving self, came to the party knowing it would break you see him again. After a month without his voice, his touch, his kiss, he almost seemed like a distant dream. Some kind of a fantasy your imagination made up. The only proof making him more than a dream were the messages you re-read every night hoping he’d text you again but he never did. Not one message or phone call. You shook your head walking towards the kitchen when you felt a hand grab you from behind, pulling you up the stairs hurriedly. You struggled against their grip, shouting for help but no one heard you due to the loud music from the party. You began panicking as you felt yourself being pushed into a random room the door slamming shut making you whimper as you turned around to shout at the person that locked you into a room but you lost your voice when you saw Kai looking back at you through his lashes, his gaze intimidating and inviting all at once. You shook your head trying to push past him but he gripped your shoulders tightly pushing you against the wall, his hands holding you in place while you tried to pry him off you. Before you could, however, his lips were on yours, desperately kissing you in a way you never had Kai kiss you before. The emotions he was pouring into the kiss made your chest shake, a sob vibrating against his lips, tears mixing in with the kiss making Kai pull away wide-eyed, searching your eyes thinking he had hurt. Here it was. The moment Kai saw you break right under his shocked and slightly worried gaze. You wanted to hide from his gaze but he was still holding you against the wall, his fingerprints burning your skin making you flinch away but he didn’t react to that at all, his eyes trained on your tearstained cheeks.

“What’s wrong? Please tell me you’re not stupid enough to cry over Chanyeol kissing that girl downstairs.”

Kai’s words infuriated you down to your core making you ball your fists as you laughed at him with fresh tears rolling down your cheeks making your eyes burn. You couldn’t believe how oblivious and hypocritical he actually was. Anger took over your body completely, your fists connecting with his chest repeatedly, trying to hurt him as much as you could. At least half as much as he made you hurt. You kept hitting him, broken sobs escaping from your lips but it was too late to feel embarrassed about how pathetic you looked crying in front of Kai. Kai hissed for you to stop while trying to keep your hand from punching him. He grasped your wrists making you stop as you looked at him, confusion was written all over his face mixed in with what looked like pain, in your mind his pain was nothing compared to your pain. Not even close. Kai went to hug you but you pushed him off, shaking your head, hugging your sweater closer to you trying to shield yourself from him. You locked eyes with him, trying to hold your ground. You couldn’t give into him this time. You wouldn’t. He took a step towards you making you automatically take a step away, sadness flashing over his face at your action.

“Whatever it is, I can fix it. I’ll make you forget about it all. I know you want me. I miss the fun we had.”

His hand took yours clutching it tightly, his words coming out confident making you chuckled looking down at your feet. His words hurt. His touch hurt. His warmth made you feel cold and his presence made your walls crumble down. You wished you could fake a smile and kiss him deeply forgetting all the pain but it’s been too long and too painful to keep ignoring it. He hurt you more than healed you. He was killing you. Figuratively and literally, without knowing he was.

“It hurts, Kai. It hurts...” You whispered, eyes trained on the floor, your guard completely disappearing as you let the tears fall freely, getting all the hurt out for him to see.

“I can make you feel so good you’ll forget all-”

“You hurt Kai. It’s you. Every kiss and touch and word hurts more each time. Each time I let you in you bring one thousand cracks and there’s no more room for new ones. I can’t keep accepting them like a fool, Kai.”

Your voice was shaking, your frame small and fragile looking. You didn’t have the courage to look at him, but you knew you had to tell him how and what you felt. He has to know how much he’s been hurting you.

“I never had the courage to say this to you but then I asked myself what do I got to lose? You? It’s funny to even say it. You’re not mine, therefore, I can’t lose you no matter what I say to you now. I can’t keep doing this with you, whatever this is. You’re harming me, Kai, you are and I need to think about myself. I want to have someone I can call mine and that’s not you. You’re Mel’s. I should have stopped this a long time ago.”

Your voice was shaking, Kai’s hand holding your hand tighter with each word that left your lips. You wiggled your hand, trying to pry his hand away but he growled at you and took your chin in his hand, pulling your head o look at him. His eyes were unreadable but his breathing was heavy, jaw clenched.

“Mel doesn’t have to know about us, don’t worry about her-” You didn’t let him finish putting your hand over his mouth, looking up at him with teary eyes as you shook your head smiling sadly.

“There is no us, Kai. There never was.”

“But I want you so bad.” He whispered resting his forehead against yours making this entire situation harder than you wanted it to be. His breath hit your lips making you wish to kiss him then take it back, but it was too late for last kisses this time around.

“That’s the thing, Kai. You want me but you need her. You crave my body but you crave her affection. You’re attracted to me but you love her. That wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t need you. It wouldn’t be an issue if I didn’t crave your affection. It wouldn’t be a problem if I didn’t lo- I can’t say it. These damn words I always meant to say to you, I can’t. I have no right to. You love her, you need her and I’m not her. I’m not Mel. This is wrong. It’s over and done with. I can’t keep doing this. You’re too deadly for me to risk it further.”

You looked into his eyes and you saw uncertainty in them mixed with tears that coated his waterline breaking your heart further which seemed impossible by this point. You wiped your tears away pulling away from Kai, finally feeling the dreadful feeling of the end of you and Kai. You and Kai? That made you chuckle as if there ever was a ‘you and Kai'. You weren’t apart of his life like Mel was and you were finally admitting it to yourself and to Kai as well. You shook your head trying to shake off this bitter feeling, having to push through it before the feeling crushed you and you completely fell apart.

“I thought it’d be fun. And it was fun, for a while. Not it just hurts. I know why I’m here. You need my body, not me. That’s what I’m good for when it comes to you. Mel is someone who is worth showing off, and I agree, she is but I’m not. I’m someone who needs to be kept in the shadows. She’s in your class, I simply am now and that’s fine. I know my place but I don’t want to be a secret any longer. I can’t be your secret, Kai. I can’t fall deeper unless I want to hurt myself which I don’t want to anymore.”

Every word echoed in the silence of the room, hitting you making this seem too real for you. His eyes were wide, body petrified in its place, mouth opening and closing while he looked for the words he wanted to use, coming up short before letting go of your hand, his action saying enough. You nodded, smiling sadly getting the outcome you expected but not the one you had hoped for. Still, you were standing on your feet even if it felt like it was the most difficult thing in the world, you were doing it. You took a deep breath knowing you were still alive. You were still breathing. It didn’t kill you. Finally, after a long silence, you turned your back on Kai and pushed the door open as he finally found his voice.

“(Y/N), wait. I-”

Silence.

You turned around and just looked at him seeing him nervously search your face for something comforting but there was nothing to calm him down. He took a step forward then stopped looking down sadly, shaking his head.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” You asked him, his head snapping towards you as he shook his head walking over to you wearily, not touching you just standing close enough to touch. And how you wanted to touch him, run your finger through his soft hair, kissing his frown away, but it was far too late for that. Everything seemed to be said and done.

“No, it’s not like that, I want you and me- I’m-” he looked around sighing in defeat his desperation hurting you more than your own. He rubbed his face a tear sliding down his cheek and down his chin. You wanted to brush it away but refrained knowing you didn’t have the right.

“I’m sorry.”

You nodded shrugging your shoulders as if to say ‘it is what it is’. You knew deep down he wasn’t an evil person, he wasn’t cunning or vindictive, well not on purpose anyway. He had this talent to draw you in and completely reinvent you, breaking you in ways you never knew possible. Showing you how much you can feel for someone but never giving you enough to be happy. Pulling you in just enough to make you stay one more day. The closest thing to describe him would be a male version of a femme fatale, a homme fatale. A deadly man who doesn’t know the power he had on you. Oblivious to how deadly he actually was. You shook your racing thoughts aside looking at him one last time before walking away, your heart leaping out of your chest, lying crumpled up on the floor right where you left Kai. The pieces of your heart turning into dust at his feet.

You knew you just ripped your own heart out, ruining yourself completely but you wouldn’t- you couldn’t turn around now. It was over. No turning back.

When you walked into your flat you fell onto your knees, your long overdue sobs freely breaking the silence of the room. It hurt. To an extent of feeling like you were having a panic attack. You were shaking as you tried to catch your breath, hoping and praying the pain goes away. You held onto your mask for too long and now that it was finally off, you felt strange knowing you’re done pretending. You would never again have to fake a smile towards Kai and tell him you were fine when you weren’t. You were free to be who you really were but the problem was, you didn’t know who you were anymore. Kai stayed too long that you forgot how to live without him. You weren’t lost until he found you and now you looked around, everything seeming distant and unfamiliar. You felt like your body wasn’t your own any longer. You stood up, walking into the kitchen to make some tea, trying to ignore the last two words Kai directed toward you. You didn’t want him to be sorry, you wanted him to need you just as much as you needed him. You sighed and told yourself that the world simply wasn’t a wish granting factory The world was a depressing place full of pain and you were getting your fair share, apparently.

You were sipping your tea when a loud knocking sound came from the front door. You cursed remembering you forgot to tell Chanyeol you were leaving. Your feet slowly dragged across the floor, feeling numb, even the pain seeming just about bearable. You sighed opening the door about to tell off Chanyeol for banging on the door so loudly but you chocked on your words when you saw Kai at your door, bloodshot eyes, wet hair from the rain sticking out in weird places, his eyes looking at you as if the check that you were really there. The ache began bubbling inside of your chest, your lips parted examining the state Kai was in. You wanted to let him in but your body jerked forward, pushing the door in his face but it seemed he expected that since he blocked the door with his foot an exhausted sigh leaving his parted dry lips.

“Please, let me in.” He begged, his eyes glazed over, his body shivering from the cold. It made your eyes soften as you opened the door but didn’t let him in. You can’t let your guard down after he knew how much he meant to you.

“I said everything I needed to say, you should go back to Mel-”

“I broke it off with her. It’s over.”

His words made you gasp and shake your head in disbelief. Why would he even think about ending it with someone like Mel?

“Why would you do something so stupid K-”

“Because of you, damn it! It’s you!” His voice came out loud but broken as you shook your head telling him to stop saying things he knows he doesn’t mean. You were about to push the door again but he kicked it open, walking inside then slamming it shut before looking over at you. You flinched away, his eyes softening at your reaction as he walked towards you slowly.

“No! You will hear me out and then you can throw me out if that’s what you decide to do. Just let m say this before you slam the door in my face again.” He looked desperate so you kept quiet, looking away from him unable to look at him for long, the look in his eyes making you weaker.

“I messed up, big time. I never realised I was hurting you, I thought that was what you wanted. No strings attached and Mel is your best friend. I- I don’t know how to put my thoughts into a coherent sentence, damn it I- I broke it off with her because of you, (Y/N). It isn’t your body the only thing I want. Maybe it was at the beginning but that changed the second I heard your laugh. I should’ve admitted it to myself first and foremost, but I didn’t. I had a stable relationship, something safe and that was Mel. I never thought you had feelings for me so I never admitted it because if I had done that I would risk your rejection and I’d lose Mel. I was scared. I’m still scared. Hell, I’m terrified that now that I admitted it to myself how I feel about you, that I’ll lose you.”

Kai was crying by this point, his body shaken with sobs as he took your hands pulling you closer making you look at him. His words were something you always wanted to hear but now that they were said, you weren’t sure if you believed them.

“Kai how can I trust you? You’re just saying this-”

“No, I’m not just saying this because I feel bad. I’m saying this because it’s the damn truth. Mel is amazing, she really is but you make me feel things I never knew I could feel. If I never met you, I would happily marry Mel, but I did meet you and now I’m here. I said no to an amazing girl that deserves love and I’m here risking everything, begging you to believe me when I say, I love you. I am desperately in love with you. Not just your body; you, (Y/N). I’ll say it a million times if that’ll make you believe these words but please- God, please believe them. I want you, all of you. I’m not going to lie and say that I can’t live without you because I can. I can live without you, (Y/N). I just don’t want to because a life without you wouldn’t be worth living.”

His words made you sob but you shook your head trying to stop yourself from forgiving him and just relaxing into him. He saw your gestures which made him panic and before you knew what was happening, Kai dropped to his knees, his arms going around your middle, his tear-stained face nuzzling into your stomach while he sobbed loudly, each painful sound breaking you down the middle a little bit more. He held you tightly afraid you’d run away from him, his voice hoarse from all the crying making him sound weak and vulnerable.

“No, please don’t shake your head. (Y/N) no I- I’m so sorry. I know I deserve to hurt like you do but p-please don’t l-leave me. I’ll do anything t-to fix t-this. I don’t need anyone else, just tell me you don’t h-hate me. Give me a c-chance to m-make it up.”

Those words made your knees give in as you fell in front of Kai, your face the same level as his. Without much thought, you hugged him tightly and the both of us just cried. You didn’t know for how long and neither of you seemed to care as you held each other, all the pain seeping into the silence of the hallway. His hands were shaking but his grip was still tight around you making you cry even harder finally letting all the pain out. After what seemed like an eternity you pulled away the slightest bit locking your eyes with him, seeing his puffy yes look back at you expectantly. Waiting for you to curse him out or slap him but you did nither. You put your hand on his cheek, brushing the tears away feeling him lean into your touch, closing his eyes as he hiccuped trying to calm down his sobs.You did the same, leaning your forehead against his, sighing and feeling the pain subsiding slightly.

“I love you too, Kai.” Your voice came out as a whisper but he heard you, his hands squeezing your waist tighter, his eyes still closed, afraid that if he opens them, you’ll be gone. He wasted no time as he leaned in, slightly unsure searching your eyes as if to ask if he could kiss you. You knew that this would be the step that would trap you into Kai again but you learned in capturing his lips in yours, feeling the tears mixing in with the taste of the kiss making it bittersweet yet the most sincere kiss you ever had with Kai. You kissed until you needed air, pulling away slightly, your lips still touching his.

“Can we please s-start over? At least try to?” You contemplated his question before you wiped your tears away and pulled away from him completely, standing up waiting for him to do the same. When he did, you locked eyes with him and extended your arm as if you were about to shake his hand. He looked at you confused and you smiled at him, a real smile and sighed.

“I’m (Y/N). And you are?”

You didn’t break eyes contact as you saw him smile back then look at your hand before taking it and shaking it, his smile getting bigger by the second. You squeezed his hand smiling as your heart fluttered in your chest in a positive way after a long time.

“I’m Kai, it’s nice to meet you, (Y/N). Would you like to get coffee with me? I’d like to get to know you.”

His words made you chuckle but you ent along with it nodding your head and smiling at him seeing his eyes sparkle, his cheeks slightly flushed.

“I wouldn’t want anything more.”

And so you went to get coffee at 6 in the morning, getting looks from people because of your puffy eyes but neither of you cared. You sat next to each other talking about things you never imagined Kai would talk to you about. It seemed too good to be true and maybe it was, but right now, at this moment in time, it was real and it was happening. That was all that mattered as you let go of the pain, risking it all again but this time around you knew he cared.

Kai loved you and you didn’t know how long this love would last, but as long as it does, it will be worth it. Even if it ends up killing you in this end because right now, it’s the most spectacular feeling in this hell of a place we call Earth.

requests are open :) xx

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