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deadcactuswalking · 7 months ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 04/05/2024 (Taylor Swift, Tommy Richman, Kendrick Lamar's "euphoria")

Just a week after her album’s impact, Taylor’s been dethroned by… Sabrina Carpenter! She grabs her first #1 on the UK Singles Chart with the smash hit “Espresso” and welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, Yeat praise

Rundown

As always, let’s start with the notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 - that’s what I cover - after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40. Now this week, we bid adieu to: “The Tortured Poets Department” by Taylor Swift (it got three-song-ruled and dropped out from #3, more on that later), “act II: date @ 8” by 4batz featuring a remix by Drake (not his best week, more on that later), “Von dutch” by Charli XCX, “Kitchen Stove” by Pozer, “Whatever” by Kygo and Ava Max, “Murder on the Dancefloor” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor and FINALLY, “Lovin’ on Me” by Jack Harlow.

As for our gains, we see healthy boosts for “Pedro” by Jaxomy, Agatino Romero and the late Raffaella Carrá at #60, “Outside of Love” by Becky Hill at #54, “Evergreen” by Richy Mitch & the Coal Miners at #46, “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed at #42 (yeesh), “These Words” by Badger and Natasha Bedingfield at #22, “I Don’t Wanna Wait” by David Guetta and OneRepublic at #20 - I guess obvious covers and remixes have a good week - then finally, a song hitting the top 10 I’m personally very happy with: “A Bar Song (Tipsy)” by Shaboozey at #6. #1 incoming? Please?

We also continue to see the rise or, rather, resurgence of Amy Winehouse’s catalogue due to the biopic, with “Valerie” with Mark Ronson at #38, “Back to Black” at #39, and a re-entry for “Tears Dry on Their Own” at #49, which peaked at #16 when Ye’s “Stronger” was #1 in 2007. On that same album, he says he hates Nazis, look how far we’ve come. Anyways, “Tears Dry” contains a sample of “Ain’t No Mountain High Enough”, made famous by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell, which didn’t chart in its original form for the longest time here. It peaked at #6 in 1970 but only in the form of a cover by Diana Ross, whose version charted whilst Freda Payne’s “Band of Gold” was #1 - just shows that we don’t really remember the bigger hits of the time. The Boys Town Gang reached #46 with their cover in 1981, Whitehouse and Jocelyn Brown both charted with covers coincidentally in August of 1998 - they peaked at #60 and #35 respectively - and finally, the original first charted at #80 in 2013, amazingly still its peak, and briefly re-entered earlier this year. “Tears Dry” itself was sampled the last time Amy made the top 40 in 2023, with Skepta’s #28-peaking tribute “Can’t Play Myself”.

As for our top five this week, we start in the dregs with “i like the way you kiss me” by Artemas at #5, “Beautiful Things” by Benedict Cumberbatch at #4, “Too Sweet” by Hozier at #3, then of course Taylor Swift’s “Fortnight” featuring Post Malone at #2 and “Espresso” at #1. It’s an interesting one today, folks, with a lot of unique and frankly, fantastic stuff to cover, so let’s start with… Kygo?

New Entries

#75 - “For Life” - Kygo and Zak Abel featuring Nile Rodgers

Produced by Kygo, Nile Rodgers, Ollie Green and Franklin

I’m honestly a bit surprised Kygo is still notching chart hits, especially without a big name attached this time. Sure, Nile Rodgers is a legend, but he’s doing so much dance-pop garbage in his later years that I don’t think many people check specifically for his collaborations, so there’s got to be something in this that’s unique, right? Aaaaaaand it’s a sample. It’s a nostalgia bait sample of a 2000s EDM track because of course it is. French house act Modjo debuted with “Lady - Hear Me Tonight”, which spent two weeks at #1 in 2000 and is an absolute classic I still return to today, even if Modjo were basically a one-hit wonder. “Lady” of course is built on a sample of “Soup for One” by Rodgers’ own band CHIC, which comes from a 1982 soundtrack album, never charted and kind of been eclipsed by “Lady”, largely because the original is honestly pretty bad, uninteresting and surprisingly stiff for an 80s funk track, with some of the weakest and most slap-dash implementation of synths. “Lady” really took the best parts of that song - its undeniable guitar melody, that isn’t even put to great use in the original - and constructed an entirely new, incredible song out of it. So I can’t tell if it’s pathetic and desperate for Rodgers to try and reclaim it, or something that speaks to the power of musical transformation. Oh, what am I kidding? It’s Kygo, it’s just kind of boring. It’s a rote piano house track that goes for the same tropical atmosphere Kygo has been doing for years - a lot of the same festival synths are there, it’s all full of bubbly swooshing that actively sound like pastel colours. The only real hook of the song is taken from Modjo and re-sang by Zak Abel, with slight lyric modifications taken from the “I’m Good (Blue)” department of refusing to allow for fun in your dance songs, and even that just feels desperate. What did Nile Rodgers even do here, man? Sign a legal document saying you can use the hook? It’s not even his Goddamn hook.

#69 - “Solo” - Myles Smith

Produced by Peter Fenn

Myles Smith is a singer-songwriter I hadn’t heard of until today but has been active since at least last year and is making at least some consistent buzz so I was interested to see what his first slow-burning chart hit here has to offer and… are we just, IN, 2012, 2013 now? We had festival house with the last song, the next song is heavily Yeezus-inspired, and this is a full-on Aloe Blacc stomp-rock song. It isn’t bad either - I actually had to get used to hearing his richer voice on this kind of scattered clap-stomp-holler folk track, and whilst this is nothing unique given the solemn pianos, spattering of strings and of course, that jingling indie folk rolick, that doesn’t feel particularly organic on this one, it still is far from bad. The lyrics are somewhat generic but not in an awful way, and the “so low”/”solo” double meaning is somewhat clever or at least, would be if in the context of the song, they actually meant separate things. It’s a bit annoying that it’s the main conceit because both have negative connotations for Mr. Smith here, so it just feels like he’s repeating himself rather than elaborating on his feelings or presenting a dichotomy. I imagine it’ll be a lost on a few people due to botched execution, which bothers me because it was an active attempt at clever songwriting that gets kind of lost in sonic translation. This sounds like I’m picking apart the song’s flaws but it is really just a fine little woodlands jams with a great singer, infectious hook and by the end, a damn fine melodramatic string section. I can see it growing on me, especially due to its gorgeous outro, but for right now, I’m somewhat lukewarm, not going to raise a fuss if it ends up smashing though and in a Noah Kahan world, I suppose it’s quite likely.

#64 - “If We Being Real” - Yeat

Produced by Synthetic, Radiate, Fendii, LRBG, Perdu and Dreamr

So terrible news: I like Yeat now. I’m still not granting him his silly little umaluts, and I won’t go too in-depth here, mostly because there’s another song worthy of in-depth analysis, and every piece Yeat’s put out fits into the jigsaw of the album’s narrative as a whole… it would require a lot more time and space, and frankly words, that I’m willing to give #64. No track feels unnecessary on 2093, the atmosphere is consistent across all 24 tracks, and lyrically, it’s a concept album, which I would have never expected from Yeat and he pulls it off brilliantly both sonically and thematically without straining himself to areas he probably couldn’t reach like trying to be super lyrical or stepping away from rage pads. Given the album’s experimentation and length, I wasn’t surprised by the lukewarm commercial reception, but I did at least expect maybe the songs with Future, Wayne or Drake on the deluxe, to have charted by now, when this hasn’t even happened in the US. So when the penultimate track on an album that’s over an hour in its standard issue becomes his first solo hit in the top 75, I have to assume TikTok virality is involved.

Regardless, I’m glad it’s here because it’s brilliant. Sonically as a separate track, it’s one extended verse over a corrupted industrial beat that cracks in right after a mystical intro full of textured but meandering strings, that get swooshed out of existence by a cinematic, malfunctioning clunker incorporating Yeat’s inhuman ad-libs, manipulated behind vocal recognition, into infectious loops within the beat. This is one of few songs - another’s coming later - where I can understand the sheer amount of producers. Lyrically, the title refers to Yeat or more accurately, his psychopathic billionaire character, attempting to shed some of his CEO veneer and ultimately failing, adopting a lot of the violent, power-hungry rhetoric the rest of the album relies on, making it a pretty ironic and depressing title, especially when considering its place in the rest of the album, coming right before the… actually honest and heartbreaking closer, “1093”. In the backhalf of this album, Yeat’s bragging sounds increasingly monotone and routine, and him rapping in and out of distorted filters or going up and down from his traditional murmur to a choking yell, exemplifies how sick and tired he is of the lyfestyle he curated for himself. This song in particular ends with him barely on beat for a beat that doesn’t even really have a beat, becoming a factorial ambiance more so than anything coherently rhythmic. I have no idea why this song in particular is going viral - it doesn’t have a chorus or even really some of the catchier, more potent lyrics on the album, and its beat barely functions as such for the vast majority of the song - Hell, it’s not even one of the album’s integral moments like the opener, “Bought the Earth”, “ILUV”, “Shade”, “Riot & Set it off”, or really countless others, but I’m not complaining because the sound design, the care placed into thematic and narrative consistency, it’s all still here. This is a 10/10 album, and if this song gets more people to check it out, I really can’t be upset with that.

#58 - “Love Me JeJe” - Tems

Produced by Guilty Beatz and Spax

So what’s “Love Me JeJe” actually mean? Well, in Nigerian Pidgin, it means “gentle” or “tender”, and the use of a more regional term rather than the English actually contributes greatly to why I think this song works: Tems’ buttery voice has always been able to display both coldness and a sensual warmth, often at the same time, but on some of the bubbliest guitars I’ve heard over an Afrobeats rhythm since the genre started charting consistently, she’s fully in that second category. Hell, most of the lyrics are pretty basic here, especially the practically meaningless chorus, but that’s to its benefit because thinking too much about this song defeats its purpose: to be gentle. It’s a frankly adorable expression of love and care at its most optimistic extent possible. Despite the clean, tropical percussion, it still feels cute and homegrown. Hell, the second verse, after a nice back-and-forth choir vocal, even references the Nigerian electricity provider that’s apparently nationally infamous for its power outages, with the lyric comparing the love she feels with her partner to the feeling when electricity comes back on in the village and all her neighbours inform the locals. Combine that with how breezy this is, the easy-flowing bridge into an outro full of murmuring, chatter and reverb-drenched laughing, it just makes for a really cute, likeable song. Not necessarily what I expected out of a lead single from Tems, but a delightful surprise. Now to balance that with pure hatred.

#50 - “euphoria” - Kendrick Lamar

Produced by Cardo, Kyuro, Sounwave, Johnny Juliano, Yung Exclusive and Matthew “MTech” Bernard

There’s part of me that finds it quite funny that Drake gets into serious beef with an incredibly analytical and perfectionist rapper like Kendrick right after putting out his own exposé of himself. For All the Dogs is as much of a dissection of Aubrey Drake Graham, albeit perhaps unintentionally, as Kendrick or really anyone could perform, as long as you’re paying attention. It’s been like that (no pun intended) for a while, but his latest is the most obvious and desperate attempt at clinging to status and image that it places his insecurities fully on display. You could recite lyrics from that album on a jazz beat and call it a diss track, so the fact that Kendrick went back to back with damn near dissections of Drake’s paranoia - especially on the Instagram follow-up track he made that is chilling - as well as a myriad of different issues he has with Drake, simply because… well, he doesn’t fuck with Drake. One could argue that this feud is complex and storied, with so many different beligerents… but the motives behind it are genuinely a lot simpler than most rap feuds, and the diss tracks that are made from it are way more straightforward. They just outline the reasons they dislike each other, almost systematically, it’s genuinely refreshing, or at least a lot more than what’s going on with Quavo and Chris Brown, yeesh.

This track in particular is as calculated as can be, acting as a dissertation on why K-Dot doesn’t really like Drake too much. It’s condescending, damn near academic, with its smooth jazz intro and categorical shoot down of each possible avenue you could hit Drake from. We have sextuple entendres on this thing, a total of three beats, two of which are cheap-sounding but absolutely murderous drill bangers, and Genius annotations that rival War and Peace when combined. I’m not a lyrical expert, and there’s so much in here that I didn’t get until I was pointed towards that direction by Genius annotations, Reddit, X, or, embarrassingly, YouTube Shorts. You don’t need to research or analyse for this to hit hard though, there are plenty of lines that aren’t going over anyone’s heads… until you look into the exact way the bars are constructed and suddenly they have 20 double meanings and hidden easter eggs. This is really sheer venom, filled with so many layers that I wouldn’t be surprised if he genuinely wins a GRAMMY for it - and it would be in character considering Drake doesn’t even nominate his songs anymore. It’s already having an effect too, that 4batz album came out today, and he’s not signed to OVO as rumoured. Ye’s on the record… but not the already existing and heavily-streamed Drake remix. Already, he may be losing some of that prestige.

As far as it is sonically, it’s six minutes of murder, and Kendrick’s delivery is energised, violent, damn near deranged at times, to perfectly balance how, somewhat subtly through his meta commentary about his own bars and albums, the lyrics are basically an essay. It has an introduction, a conclusion, a hypothesis, written examples, he even presents counter-arguments and weaves them into his own analysis. By the time he was going extremely in-depth about his experiences as a father, and just repeating that Drake knows nothing about that, it almost felt like overkill. My personal favourite lines and ideas presented here are the concise slow dagger of the intro verse, the “Demun”/”throwaway” scheme, the voice and character he puts on between “Cutthroat business” and “I’ll explain that phrase” - he’s like a disappointed teaching assistant, obviously the YNW Melly line and its set-up, the incredible Daft Punk line that got a cackle out of me on first listen, then followed up by a mocking interpolation of one of Drake’s most revered songs, the straightforward rant about everything he hates that references an iconic moment of DMX’s trademark honesty (rest in peace), the “record” scheme in verse three, and when he started the fake Canadian accent, I just lost it. Drake’s biggest weakness here is that when he’s funny, I’m laughing at him, but when Kendrick’s funny, I’m laughing with him, and much louder. If he does respond, unless the man tells us that Kendrick’s whole life and career has been a farce, or he brings, like, the actual former President Obama on the track or something, I can’t see how it tops this. This is one of the best diss tracks ever in terms of sheer detail, and might honestly be one of the greatest throwaway rap singles period. It’ll be tough to beat.

#31 - “MILLION DOLLAR BABY” - Tommy Richman

Produced by Max Vossberg, Jonah Roy, Mannyvelli, Sparkheem and Kavi

This is the sudden breakout hit for Virginia rapper-turned-singer Tommy Richman, which actually comes in two versions on Spotify, the original and a more distorted “VHS” version. Also, this is brilliant. Sure, Richman just sounds like Brent Faiyaz, but a trend I haven’t been able to talk about on here necessarily but has been very exciting for me is the return of grittier, groovier synth funk and hyphy beats into underground hip hop and R&B, with this representing the more melodic end of that sound, which is typically restricted to Midwest and Dirty South rappers. The sound design on this one is actually even unique to that sound, starting with a bizarrely British-sounding Memphis rap vocal loop which I think isn’t a sample and is just him doing a bad impression, filtered below an infectious beat that actually took me by surprise. It even has cowbells and the type of punchy jabbing drums that I love from classic southern rap, but instead of the smooth-talking rappers you usually expect over this, we get a Brent Faiyaz impression that didn’t click with me until hearing this song. I never really got his appeal until I hear it over this and I start to realise the very distinct new jack swing element to his vocals, as he pretty seamlessly transitions from soulful double-tracked harmonies to much more rhythmic, half-rap flows. Now this ISN’T Brent Faiyaz… and I still don’t really like Brent Faiyaz, but hearing his wannabes I think helped me gather what was distinct about him, and the literal Richman North of Richmond here pitting his filtered splatter of vocal ideas and riffs over the beat in a very Devil-may-care fashion exemplifies the elements I do like about him, just with an instrumental that I personally like a lot more. Also, the VHS version is labelled as such but is really just like a bass-boosted version of the song that sounds like it was done in 10 seconds in Audacity, though the vocal mixing sounds a bit different too. I would love for someone to explain why that was the version I ended up adding to my playlist, because I couldn’t tell you.

#8 - “I Can Do It with a Broken Heart” - Taylor Swift

Produced by Jack Antonoff and Taylor Swift

I know I wrote my whole Taylor spiel last week, but I’m not bothered about this one at all, and I really did expect it to be a fan favourite, mostly because, as the one track I actually enjoy on the standard version, she’s having fun! The lyrics are actively vapid, which doesn’t feel like the intention when she’s singing over soppy adult contemporary but very much feeds into the almost childish character she plays here over synthpop with an actual pulse. The synths here sound like a theme park she’s taking the boy to, especially with the backing vocals and chatter samples implemented into the ambiance and classic Antonoff wonky synths - though some of this doesn’t even sound like it’s in his ballpark. Like were Marian Hill or Sofi Tukker ghost-producing this? Some of these loop choices and flashy sound effects are frankly ridiculous, in the best way of course because the song is camp and fun. Sure, some of Taylor’s lyrics still come off a bit awkward, mostly because of her choice of slower melodies sometimes clashing with the fast-paced patter of the synthscape, but that’s a nitpick. I do love this song, I think it’s fun, Hell, I think it’s funny which is something Taylor has always kind of failed to translate to me in the past, so that is something. I just don’t think we have the same sense of humour. Does she like Norm Macdonald? I don’t feel like she does. Correct me if I’m wrong, Swifties.

Conclusion

It should be incredibly obvious who gets Best of the Week, it’s Kenny, easily, with “euphoria”, and I’m sorry, Swifties, but Yeat better. “If We Being Real” takes away with the Honourable Mention pretty easily as well, though really, strong competition and strong week all around - Tems was close too. There can’t be a Dishonourable Mention in this climate so, Worst of the Week goes to Kygo and Zak Abel for “For Life” that “features” Nile Rodgers, it genuinely just is a lazy template of a song. As for what’s on the horizon, I’m not sure. Dua’ll have some impact, but outside of that, time may have to tell. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #song review #pop music #kendrick lamar #drake #taylor swift #kygo #zak abel #nile rodgers #yeat #tommy richman #tems #myles smith

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deadcactuswalking · 1 month ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 05/10/2024 (The Weeknd & Playboi Carti, Nines Quits While He's Ahead)

For a sixth week straight, Sabrina Carpenter remains at #1 on the UK Singles Chart with “Taste” - we’ve got a week with several debuts from Nines today so… a riveting line-up, I’m sure. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

content warning: language, brief mentions of gang violence and self-harm

Rundown

As always, our episode starts with the notable dropouts, which are songs exiting the UK Top 75 - the region I cover - after five weeks there or a peak in the top 40. This week, we bid adieu to “Guy for That” by Post Malone featuring Luke Combs, and that’s pretty much it aside from this week’s one big cause for celebration: all three Oasis songs that were charting, those being “Live Forever”, “Don’t Look Back in Anger” and “Wonderwall”, have excited - at least for now - from the top 75.

This really is a bit of a dire week, especially when it comes to the actual content of our new arrivals, but it’s even evident in the songs gaining, as we don’t have any re-entries but we do see boosts for old songs like “Bye Bye Bye” by *NSYNC at #56 and “Yellow” by Coldplay at #55 - will be interesting to see if this stays or get replaced by a Moon Music cut. Then we have few gains in general, but what we do have includes “Free” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding at #46, “Tony Soprano 2” by Nines at #44 (more on him later), “Diet Pepsi” by Addison Rae at #22 and that’s pretty much it outside of a surge for “Heavy is the Crown” by Linkin Park off of the debut to #18 - it’s not a good song, but it is interesting enough, it’s definitely got more energy than what else is here this week.

As for our top five, we have Sabrina Carpenter bring “Please Please Please” to #5, with “Die with a Smile” by Lady Gaga and Bruno Mars at #4, then more Sabrina with “Espresso” at #3, followed by Chappell Roan’s “Good Luck, Babe!” at #2 and of course, “Taste” at the very top. Now for a perhaps less interesting week than it should be, but still a handful of new songs to think about.

New Entries

#73 - “NEW DROP” - Don Toliver

Produced by Coleman, Dez Wright, Psymun, Wheezy and Brian Yepes

In June, Travis Scott protégé Don Toliver released HARDSTONE PSYCHO, an album that has more ambition and aspiration to be interesting than it actually shows up in its execution. For a while, this specific album cut has been having more traction, presumably due to TikTok or some other virality as there does not appear to be a single push or big feature here. I did not actually get to discuss the album on this series, but it did grow on me over time just through throwing enough different paints at a canvas to eventually make some complementing colour scheme. “NEW DROP” is not one of those, primarily because it is so unfocused. The tight drill of “ATTITUDE” that finds such a specific tone it struggles to deviate from, the hook overload of songs like “TORE UP” or “GLOCK” and even the closing rock ballad “HARDSTONE NATIONAL ANTHEM” all find themselves committing to the bit, so to speak, seemingly aware that there is a gimmickry to their musical or lyrical ideas and running with it. The third disc of the album is where everything really throws me for a loop, especially in our charting song, “NEW DROP”, which lyrically is about… who cares? I’m pretty sure it’s about a threesome, but it could not matter less - Don murmurs through the chaos of his pre-chorus-adjacent moments that tip off overly long, messy verses that can’t pit themsselves to a flow. Even when near-yelling, he fails to enunciate in all his Auto-Tuned jabbering, but at least he’s clear on the chorus which uses a slick vocal loop and the makings of a house beat that too quickly deviate into a trap dirge and unnecessarily eerie soundscapes for whatever remains of the content. A squeaky loop appears in the left channel for no reason, he emulates Kid Cudi’s least interesting ad-lib if all the humming wasn’t enough aping for you, and you do start to wonder what this song is actually trying to be, with no thematic construct allowing for these beats to constantly switch or for the more menacing or playful elements to come in and out. Perhaps it would be a cooler execution of an okay idea in better hands.

#69 - “Stars Will Align” - Kygo and Imagine Dragons

Produced by Kygo

Kygo and Imagine Dragons collaborate once again in the year of our Lord 2019 - I mean, 2024 - and it’s about as serviceable as you’d expect. Kygo has always been more cinematic with his whooshing EDM, I actually like the way the rising house percussion slides into a smashing gated 80s drum, but Dan Reynolds is uncharacteristically out of it here. You may not need to fully go into rock belting mode for a song like this, but he’s damn near whimpering, especially as he continues to go into the falsetto at the end of so many lines, with him being so absent from the song’s first build and most drops coming off so strangely. It almost feels like a song was written and a house production was made, with little communication between the two camps, and they were just slashed together to try and work. Once Reynolds can bring in harmonies and acoustic fumbles, he feels more at home, but there’s still two very basic ideas combating for space perhaps too kindly! Instead of filling up too much space, not much space is filled at all, and the two elements barely coexist in the first place. Like a lot of this week, it is somewhat lifeless and definitely refusing to make the most use of its ideas or artists, but at least it doesn’t embrace that lifelessness as a character trait or appeal, more just a way to flag its way into EasyJet adverts, which… is still a purpose I suppose.

#65 - “Cold Hearted World 3” - Nines featuring Marnz Malone

Produced by mike allure and J.B. Productionz

I feel like Nines has got to have some form of cult-like appeal I’ve just yet to understand, because for years he’s shown little in the way of lyrical substance or vocal charisma over what is usually pretty cheap, dime-a-dozen production, not often even being that close to trends of the time, since his flow is a sloppy slow burn more than anything. Yet he still charts more consistently than most, and we have two tracks here from his most recent album, Quit While You’re Ahead, acting somewhat as a swan song of sorts as it debuts at #4 on the albums chart. Maybe there is a new sense of consciousness or just actual life injected into this album? Well, if the tracks we have to review from it are any indication, that simply can’t be the case.

Thankfully, at least for this track, Nines isn’t really the main point of interest, but instead, guest rapper Marnz Malone, a Birmingham rapper who sounds similar to Nines but has a tighter flow to accommodate a chiller delivery over soulful beats, or at least is the case on his other tracks in this trilogy. Similar to Nines’ “Tony Soprano” series, the “Cold Hearted World” tracks are intended to be one long, more lyrical verse, except these are typically over liquidy R&B samples, and Malone has a bit more intrigue to his absolutely defeated cadence that doesn’t stop him from going in for up to three minutes about his reality, with less stupid lines than a Nines verse, typically. The two worlds collide on a track very similar to the other instalments, just this time with Nines’ clunkier flow just ruining whatever vibe you could get from the beat. The topics are very much as you’d expect, but at least Nines brings some cuter 2000s rap references alongside a really ugly, cheap trap skitter and a vocal mix for Malone that sounds frankly like it was recorded in jail… which oddly adds much more to his stoic bars about how closely intertwined he is with gang violence that it’s a core part of his identity. I love the rhyme scheme in the second half, it takes his verse to very interesting places, and I generally think Marnz Malone delivers here, but this may be the worst beat in the trilogy and Nines feeds off this song really lazily, preventing him from really shining… I know, there’s a certain irony in using that term here, but I just wish I could enjoy this more or at least see more elements of this song in Nines’ catalogue to help explain the appeal.

#59 - “Lights Camera Action” - Kylie Minogue

Produced by Lewis Thompson

Ironically, if there’s someone to count on this week, it’s a decades-into-her-career Kylie Minogue still keeping up with the trends on a single for her upcoming Tension II, really maintaining her focus on these heavily-processed future house tracks from in-demand producers like Lewis Thompson. This particular song is just about looking good, feeling good and name-dropping fashion brands and designers doing so. It really is a Kylie Minogue brag rap in some ways, and it is once again completely serviceable. I will give this the edge of having a really riveting pre-drop with the rise of the synth strings and sparse, quieter claps before that tunnelling synth digs into a bombastic final drop and a rubbery bass that is really worth the wait. The rest of the song is fine, but much more distant and perhaps less applicable lyrically than her more universal recent hits, and that may be why it couldn’t crack the top 40 since this doesn’t have the same all-encompassing sexy club energy as say, a “Tension”, “Padam Padam” or even “Dancing”. It’s still perfectly fun for a late-era Minogue bop though, and for this week, that’s really something.

#39 - “Going Crazy” - Nines

Produced by Karlos, Jacob Manson and J.B. Productionz

Maybe Nines was right to mention the 2000s rappers because I do tend to forget how closely his “thugs need love” or breakup tracks get to tracks from that era of that ilk, including an overly loud chipmunk sample that cascades over blocky drums, an uncredited female guest vocalist on the hook, awkward skits to book-end their relationship troubles and awkward sex-raps. He even directly quotes the dated references from Ye’s “Through the Wire”… why the line about Tom Cruise and not any of the actually timeless funny lyrics on that song? Nines’ general sloppiness has always showed up the worst on his “for the ladies” jams and LEILAH can’t save this from just being lazy and somewhat like he’s trying to revisit or dress up as a character he can’t really pull off. It is at least something with a soul, however.

#7 - “Timeless” - The Weeknd and Playboi Carti

Produced by Pharrell Williams, Ojivolta, Twisco, MIKE DEAN, BBYKOBE and BL$$D

The credits to this song read like it got left over from the Donda sessions, and fittingly, it is just as lifeless, being Abel’s worst song in years. The intent of this song was to be a massive smash that lives up to the hype and anticipation awaited by fans following its performance at a concert in Brazil, accumulating success based on the idea of getting a “grail” officially released, cleared and finished this soon. The problem here is that much like what a lot of Carti fans will hype up, this is utterly disposable and they’ve been latching onto substanceless drivel that hopes you plug into the idea that it’s just “hypnotic”, “vibes”, it’s just different, man… when it’s really not. Abel mumbles his way through a sprawling intro before the rote trap drums clunk in and completely overpower the vague sense of atmosphere created by MIKE DEAN’s rainy synths - we don’t even get a typical Pharrell four-count, and whilst I tend to love his production, when working with rappers recently, he can make very stiff, robotic trap slogs, and this fits perfectly within that category. Carti uses the gimmick of changing his voice to cover a verse full of absolutely nothing - there’s some fun to how he coughs in and out of the baby voice - whilst Abel decides to remark that he’s timeless on a song that does sound as such, but not because it will last generations or that it’s a vintage-sounding track. Rather, it’s “timeless” because it seems to be purely for the moment, made ephemerally for the one last hurrah of a long career combined with Carti’s memelord status. As a song, this could have been absolutely anything. It doesn’t matter to them… or you. Unless you love hearing Mr. Tesfaye croon about how if he was you, he’d cut his wrists, before DEAN sprays his synth ejaculate all over the outro to whisper some character into a mindless void of non-character. I know this is an easy vibe for Abel and Pharrell to tap into, I’m just disappointed that for such an important project as Hurry Up Tomorrow, that they’ve decided to fully play into a lack of personality, a quality the two have otherwise held proudly onto. I am aware that all of this week has been lacking in interest or character, but it digs the harshest when you know that they know they’re feeding you sludge.

Conclusion

Probably the oldest of these acts, Kylie Minogue, is sounding the most alive, so she grabs Best of the Week for “Lights Camera Action”, even if it is just pretty good. As for the opposite side of the spectrum… Playboi Carti and The Weeknd are firmly the Worst of the Week for “Timeless” and, remarkably, I’ll give it to Nines: he sticks to an idea, but on “NEW DROP”, Don Toliver doesn’t so he bags the Dishonourable Mention. Maybe I really am getting old now… or is it the Opium kids who are wrong? Well, we should see Coldplay mooning us on the horizon, alongside potential hits from Perrie Edwards and Ella Henderson, so we’ll be exchanging safe for safe. Joy. For now, thank you for reading, long live Cola Boyy, and I’ll see you next week!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #timeless #the weeknd #playboi carti #nines #quit while you're ahead #marnz malone #kylie minogue #don toliver #kygo #imagine dragons

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