#kutner was playing a different game entirely

[azaleastobloom]

House M.D. is a game and so far 13 is the only winner

[dead-fandom-society]

I can’t see House being an incel, but lemme add my take on it too:

I see them having a breakfast club-esque dynamic, a bunch of kids from different cliques that somehow are friends.

House is the kid that always argues with the teacher and ends up in the principal’s office three times a week at least, if not more.

He’s also the kid that would be sent to juvie if it weren’t for his good grades.

House hotboxes his car during lunch, but after getting ratted out by Foreman so many times he started doing it a block away from the school before driving back in, high off his face with the excuse that he “went out for food.”

Wilson and Cuddy are competing for valedictorian

Cuddy is SUPER high strung when it comes to grades and she always gets secretly frustrated when Wilson does better than her, even though they’re friendly.

Cameron still dresses the same way as she does in show. She’s super dorky-preppy and gets picked on, but she doesn’t care. She also draws horses constantly in class, along with taking photos of them.

Cuddy is a cheerleader, but only for status. She likes to talk trash about the other cheerleaders. She is also the head of the debate team.

House goes to Cuddy’s debate team meetings to purposely play the devil’s advocate when they practice. He always gets kicked out.

Chase is the nerdiest of the jocks he hangs out with. He can often be seen studying in the bleachers at practice. Also, despite his status as a himbo-jock- popular dude, he has a soft spot for Cameron and can often be seen flirting with her through playing dumb and asking for help with his homework.

House definitely still harasses Cuddy about her boobs and ass, but this time it’s to convince the entire school that he is definitely straight and definitely doesn’t have a crush on the goody-two-shoes head of the GSA.

House cat calls Chase as a joke when he is at practice. Foreman tells him to shut the fuck up.

Did I mention that House, despite being borderline delinquent, also has a crush on Wilson? He tells people that he “has a crush on the valedictorian,” because he’s not technically lying but they’ll also think it’s Cuddy so his secret is safe.

Taub is a very distinguished nerd.

Amber wants to compete with Cuddy for valedictorian, but she doesn’t do as well as she thinks she does.

Thirteen is exactly the same as she is in the show, except she dresses like a recovering emo and listens to loud music in class. She occasionally flirts with Amber solely for the purpose of messing with her.

Kutner is the class clown, but he’s actually really sad and just hides it with jokes.

Wilson is in every activity you can think of.

Wilson is nice to everyone except House, who he secretly has a giant crush on.

Thirteen and Cuddy are best friends with the cool English teacher— thirteen because she thinks he’s cool, Cuddy because she’s doing worse than Wilson in English and wants to suck up to beat him.

House organized the senior prank.

Thirteen and House wore matching tuxedos to prom and took the most bomb-ass pictures.

Wilson is a dork. He also acts like he’s chill but is really, really anxious all the time.

Foreman eats lunch in the teachers’ lounge

Although they all hated each other at first, they eventually grow really close as a tight knit group of outcasts.

They have group sleepovers

House gets drunk at a party and confesses his love to Wilson in a game of truth or dare

At the same party, the cops show up and Foreman has to scramble to hide drunk House in a closet and get all of the guests out so he doesn’t taint his reputation. The party was at his house after House bullied him into “loosening up.”

Thirteen definitely listens to Green Day.

Cameron is very sensitive and cries when you insult her horses. She doesn’t care if you insult her, only her horses.

Yeah I definitely went overboard with this. I might even add more when I’m bored.

I’m very glad there’s no modern au high school/teen fics (at least not to my knowledge bc it likely exists) for House MD. However, I like to make others experience pain so here is the au

House has a really shitty edgy meme page with 70 followers. He was an incel for a year

Cuddy dates a football player. She does not like him

Cameron is a horse girl that posts her horses on Snapchat (tell me I’m wrong I fucking dare you)

Chase is still a himbo sorry I don’t make the rules. He’s on every sports team and makes other people do essays for him. He’s cool about it, though. He pays them

Wilson is GSA President that’s terrified of the rest of the members/resident mom friend/enabler

Foreman is a TA. He wanted the credit, and he quickly realizes it is not worth it. He tells 14 year olds to shut the fuck up on a regular basis

Bro just leave Thirteen as is, she already fits in perfectly