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fives-girlfriend · 2 years

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Competition

Not everyone is in high spirits when the Batch makes it to Pabu.

A noncanon installment of Asha's storyline with Clone Force 99, mainly written as a vent piece to get out my own emotions, that turned into an entire fic – read for your own enjoyment but keep in mind that it may or may not end up being canon-compliant with the rest of Asha's story.

Characters: Tech, OC (Asha Kurr)

Warnings: Heavy on the jealousy, self-depreciation, just a ton of emotional nastiness overall. Hurt/comfort, happy ending

Word count: 3,700

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"Looks like you've got competition!"

Those words nearly knocked the wind out of her. Sunset eyes darted between several figures - between Phee hugging her friend (hoping that he wasn't just a friend, why was she hoping that?), between Wrecker playfully nudging Tech, and… at Tech, watching him. Bespectacled eyes wide in indignation and something close to embarrassment, he looked… stars, he actually looked flustered. She had always wanted to see him flustered.

So why did seeing it now make her heart ache?

Hunter noticed something was off the moment they all began to make their way down the mountain. He heard the way her heart picked up, the grinding of her jaw, the upset huff of breath that she tried to calm herself with. He could tell right away that she was upset by something. By what, though, he could only marginally guess.

The evening was nothing short of perfect. She had never seen the Batch this happy, not in a long, long time - Hunter got to actually stop and take a breath. Wrecker got to actually have his fill. Omega got to actually be a kid. And Tech…

She watched from the end of the table how Tech and Phee sat close, how she was all over him. She watched him smile, watched how they brushed shoulders, watched how well they got along… they had hardly known Phee for long at all. There was no way they were this close already… not when she had been with them even before they were fugitives. Not when she had been Tech's right-hand girl, not when her new priority ever since Echo left was helping him maintain the ship and technology throughout…

…but she knew she could never compare. Not to her. Not to the way she was capable, and confident, and gorgeous to boot. Not when she was everything a man could ever want. She was righteous, and beautiful, and talented…

…she was everything Asha, in her mind's eye, was not. And he deserved everything that she couldn't give.

The togruta didn't even realize her lip was wobbling until a murmuring hush ghosted over the table. She looked up, blinking back tears, meeting four pairs of identical eyes and several new sets as well. Asha's face warmed, crimson cheeks flushing darker, and it was with dawning horror she realized that tears had already begun to flow down her face, that her breaths were just short of sobs. Think. Think of an excuse. Now.

"...I…" she began, her voice cracking so harshly it made her wince. "I'm sorry, I'm just… r-really happy we can finally rest, you know…? Just- I-I just need a minute, sorry…" It was a feeble excuse, but hopefully it was a believable one. It seemed to work at least a little bit - the others certainly seemed to buy it. Chatter began again, and soon, the girls had gone off to go have fun while the adults helped clear the table and settle in. Asha elected to stay outside - to watch the sunset and try and will herself into something less… pathetic.

She really was pathetic, wasn't she? Did she really just do that? Burst into tears in front of everyone because she was…

"Asha…?" A shockingly soft voice yanked Asha out of her self-depreciative daze, and she looked up only to see none other than Wrecker approach, a somber look on his face as he joined her on the balcony. "You, uh. You okay…?"

"Yeah-!" she quickly affirmed, pulling up a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. "I'm sorry about earlier, I just… I got overwhelmed, and-"

"And you lied. Why…?"

Asha blinked, utterly taken aback by his forward accusation. She sputtered feebly, trying to refute it - but no words came.

"...I've seen ya when you're so happy you can barely keep it in," Wrecker continued, looking down at the bannister. "And I've seen ya when you're so sad that… you look like one poke will make ya just… fall apart. That wasn't happy cryin' back there, that was… the saddest cryin' I've ever seen ya do."

The wind was knocked from Asha's chest for the second time that day, by the same man. She couldn't meet his gaze, not like this - she looked back out towards the sea, and tried to keep her composure for just a little longer.

"I-I'm fine, Wrecker," Asha mumbled, her voice breaking as tears threatened to spill once again. A large, warm hand settled on her shoulder, and she couldn't make herself look up at him. Not as he leaned closer, like he was shielding her. Not when she felt so small.

"...no one's listenin', Ash," Wrecker spoke low, his voice carrying a reassuring tone that she knew was meant as a promise, and a hint for anyone that was listening to tune out. "It's okay. You can talk."

Asha said nothing for about a minute. Wrecker didn't budge. The two of them simply stood there in the evening sun, the sea breeze warming them both, before Asha finally broke the silence.

"...i-it's Tech, okay…?" she murmured, earning a surprised glance from Wrecker. "Ever… ever since we got here, it's been… he's been…"

Her voice broke a bit, but slowly, she continued.

"He's been so- so happy. The way Phee m-makes him smile, I've- I've never been able to make him smile like that, Wrecker-! And she- she's amazing, she's confident and capable, she's gorgeous in every way, sh-she's righteous and she's strong and- a-and I-"

Asha couldn't stop the tears that spilled down her cheeks, a choked sob ripping from her throat as her words tapered off and died. She brought a hand up to cover her mouth, shoulders hunching as she desperately tried to hide away within herself. Why was she so upset? She should be happy for him. For all of them. They finally had a chance at a normal life here, and here she was, ruining their happiness by something as absolutely pitiful as-

"...you're jealous…?" Wrecker asked tentatively. Asha hated the word. It made her feel bitter, selfish. When he said it, she ducked her head down, hiding her face away from him. She couldn't bear to look at him, not like this.

"Yes," she whispered. "I-I'm jealous, okay? I… I-I want him to smile at me like that, I want to be the one that makes him feel happy, but I- I can't, and I don't deserve to be, either-!"

"Who told you that-?!" Wrecker exclaimed, a look of anger crossing his face at the very idea that somebody had insulted his friend. Asha was quick to shake her head, though.

"No one- no one but myself, Wreck…" she mumbled, her shoulders shaking as she stifled another sob. "Look at her… sh-she's everything I'm not. Tech, he… he deserves everything good the galaxy can possibly give him… a-and… and I'm not it."

When Wrecker didn't respond, Asha could only assume the worst, and it took all of her strength to force herself to look up at him. She was expecting confusion, disdain, maybe even anger - and it hurt her heart that she would ever think of such things about the gentlest man she's ever known - but when she finally looked up at Wrecker, he wasn't even looking at her. He had turned, and was looking towards the stairway leading up to the house's balcony. The stairway that Tech stood at the landing of, eyes widened behind his goggles, staring at the two of them in utter disbelief. For the first time since she had known him, he looked struck speechless.

None of them spoke for several agonizingly long moments, but Asha eventually broke the silence. Her voice broke, barely sounding out as she tried to speak, staring dumbly and gaping like a fish.

“...T-Tech, I–”

“Is that the truth?” Tech suddenly cut in, steadfast as ever despite his clear surprise. Wrecker was glancing frantically back and forth between the two of them, entirely unsure what to do. What could he possibly do? Asha looked ready to shatter like glass, but stopping this confrontation would be disastrous. He was at a loss, and apparently, so was Tech. “That you… have such an opinion of me? Asha–”

Tech barely had a chance to finish his sentence. Asha had breezed past the both of them, tears streaming down her face once again as she quickly made her way down the stairs off the balcony, and disappearing down the path out of town. Tech and Wrecker both stood there, utterly bewildered, before Wrecker approached Tech and gave him a nudge, nearly making the smaller topple down the stairs had he not braced himself on the bannister.

“Well? What’re ya waiting for?!” Wrecker said with a gesture of the hand down the stairway. “Go talk to her! Ya heard all that, right? If anything, she… she’s gotta hear whatever comes next from you.”

“...quite right…” Tech mumbled, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of himself. In a nervous tic he found himself adjusting and re-adjusting his goggles, before he went down the stairway and along the path, following where Asha had gone.

With all the winding paths Pabu was comprised of, it took far longer than he had hoped to find her. It was the tips of her montrals that gave her away, little golden points that stuck up above the small wall she had been seated against, watching the ocean. As Tech approached, he slowed his steps as he heard her muttering to herself, her voice thick and laden with tears.

“…stupid…” she mumbled, drawing her knees closer to her chest as she rested her chin atop her arms. “Look what you did… you think he would ever feel the same way about you now…? You… you pathetic, worthless… what’s even the point…? There’s no way you could ever shine a light up to her, and… a-and now he’ll see it for sure. So… s-so damn selfish… what right do you have t-to be jealous of… of her…? You should be happy, y-you inconsiderate, selfish, idiotic–”

“Asha, enough.”

Tech couldn’t bear to listen to her rant any longer. Fists balled at his sides, he approached briskly, and looked down at Asha as she stared up at him with wide, startled eyes. She hadn’t heard him approach, and hearing his terse interjection sent a shock of panic through her. She was already scrambling to her feet, looking primed to bolt again. Her face was streaked with tears, and she could hardly find it in her to speak.

“T-Tech– I’m– I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t– I gotta–”

“Asha, please. Stop. I want you to stop and listen to me very carefully.” Tech’s voice was always so level and matter-of-fact – to hear him sound like this… Asha couldn’t pinpoint it. Her mind fled directly to the worst-case scenario, and it was taking all of her self-control to stop herself from just bursting into tears right there under his gaze. Tech could see it, and he had to ponder his words carefully. Any wrong thing could send her spiraling again. “I am… I am quite adept at many things. Expressing emotions is… not one of them. But you must understand that I don’t… hate you. Far from it, in fact.”

Asha sniffled, and she could only make a small, inquisitive whimper before she could find her voice again. And that sound, the very sight of her, was just about the most heartbreaking thing Tech had ever seen.

“...b-but what about Phee…?” she whispered, trying to compose herself. Just saying her name sent a shock of pain through her heart that made her lip wobble, nearly crumbling again. Tech sighed softly, hoping that words wouldn’t fail him now.

“...Phee is a fine individual. She is courageous, and stalwart. She is… admirable,” Tech admitted, but a quick glance at Asha told him everything he needed to know in order to continue. He could see it on her face, the way her brows knit, the way more tears began to slip down her cheeks, reflecting the late evening sun. “But… she is not… I– what I mean to say, is… ah…”

Tech was struggling, and Asha could see it – but she still couldn’t quite grasp what he was fully getting at. Did he… not think of Phee in that sort of light? Surely not – he had been smiling at her all afternoon, they had been practically inseparable ever since they had taken off…

“Tech, it’s– it’s okay, I…” Asha began, feebly trying to regain at least a little bit of her composure, her hand coming up to trail down her lekku in a nervous tic.

“It’s not okay, Asha, not when the very thought of my rejection reduces you to this!” Tech quickly retorted, earning a small gasp from the distressed woman in front of him. The silence between them hung heavy, and Tech let out a groan, adjusting his goggles yet again. “That’s not… that’s not what I mean. I’m sorry. What I mean to say is that… Asha, you could not be any more incorrect about yourself. You are… you are intelligent. Passionate, devoted. You are a valued member of this team, and we… I… would be lost without your presence.”

When Asha didn’t respond, too dumbfounded to make herself say anything, Tech took that as an invitation to continue – as he often did. “You are skilled beyond all doubt, and you may not fully realize how much I appreciate your help. Though it is not often I require assistance in a mechanical capacity, I have grown used to your presence, and… and I value your companionship. You… listen to me. Actively. That is a courtesy others seldom give. You are… you are kind. You are caring. I may not be able to express my thoughts and feelings in a way that others can understand, but… it distresses me to hear you say such… awful things about yourself…”

He reached out then, much to Asha’s shock, and took her hand within both of his. She looked up at him in surprise, and in that moment as they locked eyes, she had never seen him look so completely serious.

“...because of me.”

“...Tech, I-I… it’s not because of you, not at all–” Asha quickly refuted, her hand still clasped in his and never once making a move to remove it. “It’s… it’s because of me. I– I appreciate what you said, I really do, but there’s still no way I could ever compare to Phee, not with how happy she makes you, and I–”

“You make me happy.”

That made her stop. The silence hung in the air as Asha just… stared at him, eyes wide, trying to parse what it was that he just said.

“...w-what?”

“I said that you make me happy, Asha. It’s clear now that I do not express it as often as I should have. And for that, you have my sincerest apologies. You are correct in that Phee is an incredible woman.”

His hands squeezed hers, and he took a minute step forward, drawing her hand up to hold against his chest, almost reverently.

“But so are you. And it is not fair to either of you to be compared.”

There was a beat before the dam finally broke. Asha took a breath, Tech’s words still ringing in her ears, and everything just… crumbled. She could hardly remain composed as tears overflowed, spilling down her cheeks in torrents, expression twisted in a feeble attempt to restrain her sobs. Her free hand came up to try and cover her face, but her attempts to hide away were quickly snuffed out as Tech stepped ever closer, arms around her, drawing her in for an embrace so that she could fully, truly, and – most importantly – safely fall apart. His voice was hushed, whispered assurances peppered throughout as he drew her close, allowing her to press her face to his shoulder as she whimpered and wept. Clearly, she had been in deep emotional turmoil for some time now, and in allowing it all to come out all at once… it was as if that strong resolve he had come to admire had all but shattered.

“...I’m right here, Asha,” Tech muttered, his hand stroking her back and rearmost lekku as he held her close. “It’s alright. I’m here…”

By now, the sun was inching its way fully below the horizon, and an idea sprung into Tech’s head. With one finger, he tapped the back of Asha’s head so she would look up at him, and he nodded out towards the line where the sun met the sea. “Watch. This is a rare opportunity that I want you to see. In the right conditions, just as the sun passes below the horizon… if you watch closely, at just the right moment…”

They stood there, locked in an embrace, as the sun sank lower and lower, becoming a semicircle against the orange-painted sea. Smaller and smaller still that brightness sank, the definition of its curve becoming more visible as less light was present to blind them. Tech thought for a moment, and made a mental note… Asha’s eyes were an almost exact match of this very sight.

“Watch…” he whispered, a hand cradled against the back of her head. Just as the sun’s edge vanished below the oceanic horizon, there was a sudden, brilliant flash of emerald green light, lasting precious few seconds before all was still once again. Asha’s eyes widened at the sight, tears lingering on her cheeks, her arms locked loosely around Tech’s torso as she stared out at the water, and then back up to him in fascination and wonder.

“You see, when the sun’s light is angled as such by the cutoff from the horizon, the refraction separates the lightwaves into different colors–” Tech began to explain, but for once… Asha wasn’t listening. She was too busy staring at him in complete awe, looking up at him with such a stunned expression that he found himself actually shutting up. He couldn’t fathom why she was staring at him like that, not when they had both just witnessed such a rare meteorological phenomenon, not when there were things to be taught and learned! But her mind was nowhere near that – well, not entirely. The fact that he wanted to show her this, to share in that experience, to make her feel better after such heavy emotional turmoil…

She didn’t even realize that she had leaned in closer. What she did realize, though, was that Tech had leaned in as well. Their noses brushed together, their eyes met – they were barely a breath apart, and Asha couldn’t help it as she moved to lean in the rest of the way…

…and she met resistance, as the bridge of her nose knocked against his goggles, making her flinch. She leaned back a bit, eyes widened, lips parted, and for the first time in what was probably days… she laughed. It was a soft, startled giggle, both at the collision, and at Tech’s stunned, owlish expression, blinking in surprise at her reaction and their impulsive attempt. Asha looked up at him again, a small smile on her lips, as she reached up and with the most tender touch imaginable, pulled his goggles forward to slip down, and let them hang around his neck. Tech offered little resistance. In the dwindling evening light, she could see the rims of red around his eyes from where they had been constantly pressing, and she reached a hand up to gently cup his gaunt cheek, tracing a thumb across the indent.

“...wanna try that again…?” she whispered, her question coming out with a tone that suggested humor, but was in truth quite genuine. After the briefest of moments, Tech nodded his head – though his sight was hampered by the removal of such an obstruction, he realized after a moment that perhaps he didn’t need to see her after all. Leaning in, their eyes slipped closed – and when their lips met, Asha felt him all but sag into her hold, a low sigh escaping him as he rested his forehead against hers.

Moments later, they parted – and Asha couldn’t help the smile that drew up on her lips. Tears still lingered in half-dried trails down her cheeks, and after a few moments, she glanced upwards towards the rows of houses, a small, huffed laugh letting loose. “...we should probably… b-be getting back soon. The others might worry…”

“Yes, ah… q-quite right,” Tech quickly agreed, moving to affix his goggles around his head once again. Now that he could see clearly again, he could look Asha in the eye once more, and as if on instinct, his hand came up to cup her cheek and thumb against the tear stains on her face. “...but Asha… I never want to hear you saying such things about yourself, ever again. Is that understood? Not for your sake, and especially not for mine.”

“...right,” Asha murmured, as that cheerful demeanor seemed to ever so slightly dampen. Clearly, there was a lot on her mind at that suggestion. But when she started to get lost within her own thoughts, she was quickly startled out of it when Tech’s hand slipped into her own, holding it firmly.

“...you cannot be compared to anyone else, Asha. I care for you because of who you are, not for what you are in conjunction with other people. Everybody has their merits – and… I happen to think that yours are… quite admirable.” Asha couldn’t help but laugh at Tech’s verboseness – he really had to talk circles around absolutely everything, hm? Why say one word when you can say a dozen? He gave her a rather confused look at her small huff of laughter, tilting his head slightly – and she only shook her head, and gave his hand a small squeeze.

“...well I think yours are admirable, too. Come on, before Wrecker decides to throw together a search party, hm?” Asha joked, and at that moment, she saw what was probably the most beautiful sight she had ever seen on Pabu, ranking even above the green flash at sunset.

She saw Tech smile at her.

#sci writes #oc: asha kurr #asha x tech #ignore this if yall want i just wanted to Get It Out #i honestly wasnt planning for this to see the light of day #but my beta readers really seemed to like it #so fuck it. why not #disclaimer: i genuinely adore phee as a character please for the love of god dont come into my inbox accusing me of shit

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