#kuno is a stay at home poet who home schools his kid with disastrous results

[sugar-stories]

I don’t know exactly how this happened but my fun and wacky Ryoga/Ukyo Stable Relationship sequel turned into an entirely different Thing and now it’s a fun and wacky and slightly heartwrenching future fic where Pantyhose Taro and Ranma have a stupid Cobra Kai dojo rivalry thing going on and Ryoga is a struggling widowed dad learning to love again jsjskcdk I PROMISE IT’S STILL FUNNY

(unceremoniously throws sample under the cut)

“Eggplant.”

“Toast.”

“Tapioca.”

“Applesauce.”

“You already said applesauce!”

Four hours after Pantyhose Taro’s kidnapping plan had stopped making any sort of progress, he was beginning to lose it—which was why Nabiki had roped him into playing the world’s longest game of shiritori. It was kind of like torture, but she knew from experience that it was the lesser of two evils—Pantyhose was really annoying once he went off on a tangent.

“Well, gee, if someone hadn’t tossed my phone off the side of the building, we could have played Snake instead, but no. And this is why we can’t have nice things,” Nabiki said.

Pantyhose Taro bared his teeth at her menacingly. “What did you say?!”

There was a dreadful pause.

“…Asparagus,” Nabiki said flatly.

Mercifully, the door to the school rooftop flew open, hitting the wall with an ear-splitting crack, accompanied by a bolt of lightning. A scowling thirty-two year old man wearing traditional Japanese clothes stood at the top of the stairwell with his shoulders heaving from the exertion of running up four flights of stairs.

“Fiend!” cried Tatewaki Kuno. He pointed his sword at Pantyhose. “Nobody plays shiritori with my wife but me!”

Kuno’s strange new sidekick, a youth riding a giant pig, wrinkled his nose in disgust. “Ew, dude,” he said. “Are you like, some kind of pervert? Keep whatever freaky stuff you do with your wife to yourself. “

“Oh, Kuno-baby—we have got to work on your phrasing,” Nabiki said, her tone fondly and ever-so-gently exasperated. She’d certainly be lying to herself if she said she wasn’t just a little happy to see him.

Thunder shook the rooftop again, and at last the clouds above Furinkan High School opened. A downpour began.

“…and your timing,” Nabiki added, watching her captor transform into a yeti-eel-ox-crane thing with octopus arms and whatever else this month’s model of Pantyhose Taro had stuck to it. The fact that her new suit was getting thoroughly soaked didn’t do much to improve her mood.

Kuno was none too pleased, either, it seemed. He got ready to charge.

“Prepare to meet your maker, demon beast!” he said.

Nabiki flinched. “Kuno, wait, watch out for the—”

It was too late. Before she could stop him, her tall, dark, handsome, rich, stupid husband ran out into the inclement weather and turned into a tall, dark, handsome, rich, stupid horse.

“…rain,” she said, punctuating her sentence with a sigh.

Pantyhose Taro punted Kuno into the sky.