#kukomin complains

[spiralsunshine]

it’s weird to see everyone jumping the tumblr ship, considering i’ve been on this dang site for nearly a decade

on the bright side, i’m finally weaning off one of my primary time sinks

but for y’all who’d like to keep up with all things audel, i’m significantly more active on twitter & i could always use more buddies on instagram

see yall around

[spiralsunshine]

for our imaginary christmas card https://www.instagram.com/p/BsHfm2zhN7W/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=5hcctvxt4arp

[spiralsunshine]

my internet went out for a bit, so i decided to open windows media player for the first time in years, since i couldn’t listen to spotify, and started sifting through my old music, which i am now listening to

who knew 2010-13 would now be so nostalgic & put me in such a weird mood

i’m listening to regina spektor right now and it’s reminding me of my early tumblr days and how we were all excited & nervous about going to college and it was ok to be an unskilled worker & practically an imbecile bc you were still learning how to live as an adult, but hey i’m 26 and i’m still here and exactly where i was when i graduated high school nearly eight years ago, except with a bachelors

i suddenly remember my senior year of hs vividly, graduating, my summer fling that ended a month after she went to college, adjusting to using the bus for school, shopping, and work, not seeing friends anymore, my theater director passing, hanging out at my old hs after class since they were next door

i wish i could redo the past eight years

[spiralsunshine]

i just got on desktop tumblr for the first time in weeks and hey what the fuck happened here

[spiralsunshine]

wiser words have never been spoken

[spiralsunshine]

going through my ancient tumblr likes or youtube subscriptions is always a bad idea  bc i always end up reminiscing

i need to stop reminiscing so much because i get caught up in how life could’ve turned out if X happened or if i’d done Y because all it does is bum me out and remind me i’m the only one of my high school friends who still lives at home (or in his hometown, even)

everyone’s out living their adult lives, doing roughly what they want to do, and i’m 24 with my parents

i know & understand that life happens at different rates for everyone, but i want to be on my own, but thinking about all the work that goes into that is so terrifying

reminiscing also reminds me that i completely missed out on the College Experience because i was a commuter for the majority of it; i did live on my own my first year, so i did have a taste of freedom, but i miss it and i wish i’d done more; i’m approaching my mid-20s and i’ve hardly done anything

housework usually helps me feel better because it lets me sample what being on my own feels like, but i’m hardly ever home alone, so i can’t ever do it in peace or feel comfortable doing it, because they always bother or tease me about it

i just want to have my own space

[spiralsunshine]

tfw you didnt realize how affection-starved you were until u received it recently

😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓😓

i am an embarassment

[spiralsunshine]

yesterday was really nice

i drove up to lufkin to hang out w morgan and we went to the zoo & saw Get Out and it was overall a super cool day 10/10 would do again 👌

i also listened to all of rumours on the drive home for the first time since november (bc it’s a rly good late-night driving album) and i didn’t feel sad about it anymore, which was hella

[spiralsunshine]

i go back to work on thursday and wowie it is incredible how quickly that puts me down

[spiralsunshine]

i think im getting sick again are you kidding me

[spiralsunshine]

ive been rewatching mamoru hosoda’s works recently (recently, summer wars & wolf children; slowly working my way through all of them) and

i wish i was more articulate to better describe just how much i love them

i love how despite the fantastical element in them, they still feel so very human; despite the werewolves, time travel, digimon, the characters’ problems & reactions still feel human. the detail into their actions, things like fixing a shoe or slight fidgeting, make them feel believable & real. the detail into environments, clutter & all, makes the world feel lived in and homey

it’s super cool how i’ve essentially always liked him, but never knew or thought about it. growing up, i loved the digimon movie because the art style was completely different from the show, along with the reasons previously listed (though kid me didn’t really know that). along with that, he also directed one of my favorite digimon episodes (again, because the style was different compared to the rest of the series), so growing up to find him and his works was really cool. my freshman year of hs, we watched the girl who leapt through time in our anime club (which was surprisingly cool for a high school anime club), but at the time, i didn’t know it was him. i was just a weeby kid who liked anime for being anime, ignoring who made it for the most part

but...it’s really cool to find out that this one person whose work you admire has just kind of...always been there without you realizing it

[spiralsunshine]

2017 Reminder to Self

Do things you like! Including, but not limited to:

Reading more (both history and whatever else seems interesting! Definitely comics & Star Wars EU)

Picking up art again (reading tutorials, admiring art books, playing with comics & watercolors; Get that tablet fam)

Finding new music! Having a semi-grown up job does not mean your new music experience ends at graduating college; Do not become That Guy

Cooking more when free and play with more complicated dishes (especially for your family; you cook for ur sis but mom gets tired too)

Clean clean CLEAN pls yr room is a gd mess; put those shelves up, get rid of junk, and take down all those posters, etc (and put them in nice frames)

Doing more nature-y things! Understandable to not want to leave the house when youre tired all the time, but when there’s a time, go to a nice park or get lost on the country roads (like when driving back from Ikkicon)

And also (most important)

Please focus on your mental health; It’s scary to do, especially when thinking about it financially, but remember how much happier you are when you aren’t in such a high-stress environment. Remember not having phone anxiety? That was nice, wasn’t it; we should try to get back to that

Maybe you don’t have a fleshed-out career plan, but that’s ok; Circumstances are different for everybody, but that shouldnt stop you from dipping your feet in different pools to try which you like; Right now you’re in a pool that isn’t for you, but you’re working on it. It may take some time, but you’re not going to be in that pool forever. You’ll find a nicer, more comfortable pool in due time

[spiralsunshine]

i just want to read and play games and surround myself in cute pastel, flower-patterned things and sleep

is that too much to ask for

[spiralsunshine]

yall Real Talk one of my favorite things to do is telling Sore Losers in online games to calm down bc they get so pissy, i love it

[spiralsunshine]

i need like

2-3 weeks of alone time & maybe $3000 and thatll help my current funk

[spiralsunshine]

im stressed and anxious and just want to quit

just kind of...in general

let me take a break from life to go live in the woods or smth for a while

i say it a lot but I Miss Being a NEET