#kt in a white t shirt can be something so personal

[lucyllawless]

[katherinemallory]

#5 Everyone’s got their own soft spot

Things have got quite complicated... If you want to know how, check it here: #1 #2 #3 #4

I kept shouting his name, but he ignored me. His silver Aston Martin DB10 has quickly disappeared. Great, I thought. I am soaking wet... And Bond seems to know my deepest, darkest secret. This is even worse than being out of active service.

I went up the stairs to my apartment. It turned out that I had difficulties with putting the key into the keyhole as my hands were shaking. I didn't know what I wanted to do, I didn't know anything, I was so overwhelmed. I just dreamed of taking a *really* long bath. A bath so long that it would take a week, and no one could disturb me... But before I took my wet clothes off, I searched my bag, looking for my phone. I checked on Amanda.

“Hello, this is Amanda Clarke speaking.”

It was the first time I've heard her real surname.

“Amanda, it's me, Katherine,” I uttered, feeling that my body was still shaking. Somehow I managed to keep my voice sweet. “It's good to hear you... Is everything alright? You didn't want to talk to me earlier.”

For a while there was no response.

“Yeah... I'm sorry, Kath,” she said like a person who doesn't have any hope left. “I'm really sorry I ruined everything.”

It was simply painful to hear that defeated tone.

“Hey, Amanda, you did ruin nothing. I asked how do *you* feel?”

There was a long moment of silence again.

“Honestly... I don't know anymore,” said Amanda, and then began to cry. “It was a-all my fault! I-I ruin-ned our mission and n-n-now... the whole se-e-ection is endange-e-red... it's-s... a nightmare,” she sobbed. “E-even M didn't spe-eak to me f-f-for long... H-he wa-anted me ou-ut of the-e office as soon a-as we e-e-entered...”

“Listen, it's not that,” I replied. “Surely he was angry, but believe me, not as angry as he could have been... I assume he just didn't expect us to get in trouble,” I kept wandering around my apartment, talking to Amanda as if I wanted to convince both her and myself that nothing serious has happened. “M will get over it soon. He knows the nature of our job. Just give him time,” I added in a single breath.

“T-t-thanks, Kath... it m-mea-ans a lot... and how-w are-e you...?”

I stopped in front of a mirror that was hanging on the wall next to my bedroom’s door. Hair: wet. Clothes: wet. Mood: would punch anyone who'd be standing near.

“Fine,” I sighed, “apart from the fact I just had an argument with Bond.”

“Wh-hat happene-ed??”

As soon as I realized what I've just confessed, I regretted it. From now on I had to be more cautious. No one could know the truth... or perhaps one person could, but definitely not one of the double-0s. And apart from that, Amanda’s got bigger problems on her mind than some pathetic life stories.

“Nevermind... You wouldn't believe me anyway... just some spy stuff.”

...

I took a long bath as I had planned, then changed into my pyjamas and went to bed. I felt like doing absolutely nothing, but there was one thing I couldn't take off my mind.

Despite being pretty angry at him, I tried to call Bond three times. And guess what, every single time my call went to voicemail. I quickly gave up and sent him a message instead:

James, I know you're upset, but we have to talk. I hope you’ll meet me when you're back... please take care of yourself.

KT

I looked at my phone once again (just to make sure that I have sent the message), and felt that my eyelids began to close...

...

I woke up early the next day, even though I did not set the alarm clock. Perfect, I thought just after I have woken up, I don’t have to hurry. It’s going to be a long day and I have plenty of time to prepare myself for it.

I looked at my phone to check if Bond has answered me. As there were still no new messages, I had only one option left: the smart-blood programme.

Hi Q, it’s Kath. Has James landed in Maldives already?

There was a response within a minute.

Hello Kath. I’m sorry, but I promised James that I’d not tell anyone except M. Hope you’ll have a good day.

I glanced over the message a couple of times in disbelief. Mr. Bond pretends not to care anymore... Bastard, I said to myself as I went to the bathroom.

The fact I got suspended from any field operations, didn't necessarily mean that I didn’t have to show up at the MI6 Headquarters - there was plenty of paper work, waiting there for me and Amanda... M didn’t give us any days off (unlike he did with other double-0s), and it felt like a punishment... A punishment we deserved without a doubt.

I wanted to look elegantly that day. Not only because I needed to improve my mood after recent events, but also because of my meeting with Eve. I always liked to dress-up for the meetings with my friends. I was really looking forward to our dinner, as I missed her dearly when I was in Switzerland. And, what is more, it was her whom I wanted to tell everything about my disagreement with Bond.

There was this gossip spreading in the double-0 section that Eve was head over heels in love with Bond, but I didn’t quite believe it. When we all met on my first day after promotion, I got an impression that from the whole double-0 section it was Bond himself who was most convinced of the rumours' genuineness. He assumed that Moneypenny had a huge crush on him, but Eve didn’t seem too worried about Bond taking me on a date. She didn’t try to interrupt him when he was talking to me, and, what is more, she didn’t even seem interested in our conversation. Maybe Eve was a good actress after all, but my instincts told me something weird was going on there.

I have chosen one of my least favourite suits - a bottle green one (I was never a big fan of that colour, but I guess I’ve changed my mind a bit after realizing *someone’s eyes* were green...) - and a white shirt. Simple, but not too classic. Ideal to make a statement, I thought as I took the last sip of my morning cup of Earl Grey.

...

Both me and Amanda were quite busy with all the paper work we had to do that morning, but we didn't complain. We obediently accepted the "punishment", even though it took its toll... After a few hours of intense work, I decided to take Eve for lunch as I had promised her the day before.

I went through the long corridor on the last floor that led to M’s office. It was a lovely, sunny morning and the walls were *radiant* because of the sunshine that was coming through the windows. Even the colour of the door at the end of the corridor appeared to be a bit more brighter that day.

When I came in, M was standing next to Moneypenny’s desk. He was holding a few pieces of paper, probably some important documents, and it looked like he was telling her a story. M stopped talking, and they both looked in my direction. Eve was a bit astonished, but Mallory smiled at me mildly, almost imperceptibly.

“Good morning, sir,” I said, feeling both uncomfortable and excited to have met Mallory unexpectedly. “Hi, Eve.”

“Morning, 002,” replied Mallory. “Did you come here to see me or Miss Moneypenny?”

His voice sounded warm and gentlemanly. I could tell he was in a good mood.

“I came to see Eve, sir. Forgive me, if I’m intruding, I can come back later...”

“No, it’s fine. Miss Moneypenny can take some time off,” he looked at her, and then at his watch. “It’s time for lunch after all.”

“Thank you, sir,” said Eve, then stood up and walked around her desk. "Hi, Katherine," she added, touching my right arm.

M gave us a glance and put his hand on the doorknob. He was just about to go inside his office.

“Oh, sir,” I said shyly, but loud enough for him to notice. “I actually wanted to ask you something...”

“Yes, 002?” he responded as he turned his head towards me.

Damn, today he’s more hot than ever, I thought. He was wearing a very dark (definitely not black) suit, and one of his blue shirts, but I couldn’t take my eyes off his hair. It looked a little different than usual as Mallory was standing in front of the room's window. The sunlight highlighted his receding hairline and made me focus on the colour of his hair. His magnetic green eyes were observing my face, while he was waiting to hear my question. It was a wonderful moment. I wanted it to last forever.

“Katherine, I’ll wait for you outside,” announced Eve and left us alone.

I followed her with my eyes and then looked directly at Mallory. So hot... if only I could... Damn, Kath! Stop it. Don’t forget that he is your supervisor. And you’ve got a question to ask.

“Sir... has 007 reported to you already? Has he landed in Maldives safely?”

Mallory raised his right eyebrow. The questions surprised him.

“No,” he said calmly, “not yet, but I’m sure he’ll do that soon.”

He glanced at me suspiciously.

“Are you really *that* worried about him?” he asked in his most kind manner, putting the documents on Eve’s desk. Then he leaned against the wall next to the door to his office.

“No, sir,” I lied. “But we had an argument yesterday and I wanted to make sure he’s alright.”

“And do you think I know if Bond’s alright better than the man himself? Try to contact him.”

“I tried many times, sir,” I blurted, “but he ignores me... it seems like he has disappeared...”

Mallory was still very polite, but acted indifferent.

“It’s the fate of glass to break... well maybe it’s the fate of spies to just disappear,” he said slowly.

“Perhaps, sir, but he was really furious...”

At first, Mallory seemed like he really tried to understand my point of view. But I was dead sure he wouldn’t agree with me. He looked through the window and sighed while I was still explaining my concerns. The light hit Mallory’s eyes. He interrupted me, sounding semi-friendly.

“002, please behave like a professional,” Mallory instructed me in his deep, dry voice, as he picked up the documents from the table. “Private business between you and Bond is not a concern of mine. Save your energy for your main objective for today. There's plenty of paper work to deal with.”

Harsh. He went from being understanding to uncompromising very quickly. I looked down and blushed.

"I promise we’ll get the work done, sir.”

I noticed him smile as I lifted up my face to meet his eyes.

“Bond will be fine. Don’t worry,” said Mallory dryly. “Is that all...?”

“Yes, sir. Thank you.”

“See you later then, 002. And please remember your lunch with Miss Moneypenny shouldn’t take longer than half an hour.”

...

I agreed to meet Eve outside the MI6 Headquarters, so I took the elevator and went the way down. I couldn’t stop to think about Mallory... I’ve been analyzing the way he spoke to me just a few minutes ago. He sent me a lot of mixed signals. At first he was so understanding, and then he just *had* to remind me of my professionalism... Clearly he wasn’t satisfied with some private stuff going on between me and Bond. And I don't blame M - I can’t imagine myself as the Head of MI6 who has to deal with some conflict, or worse - romance, between my two double-0s...

I went outside and saw Eve, who was wearing a checkered coat and looking more adorable than ever.

“I’m sorry, Eve, I just *had* to talk to M for a while,” I said, being ashamed of myself that I made her wait for me.

“Please, don’t apologize, Kath,” she replied as she took my arm. “Now I’ve got you all for myself. Let’s go!”

“Now we look like a proper couple!” I said, as I turned my head to her and we burst into laughter.

...

We didn’t have unlimited time for our dinner, so we stopped at an Italian restaurant just around the corner. We could have eaten together in one of the cafes in the MI6 building, but we didn’t want to. It was safer to go somewhere more private. Obviously, leaving the SIS building couldn’t guarantee not being eavesdropped by one of your colleagues, but without a doubt it reduced the probability.

“So, Eve, how are you?” I asked, just after we both ordered our meals. “How was the life in the MI6 recently? Tell me everything.”

“Oh, it was nothing special. All the fun has gone together with you!” Eve giggled. “I had a lot of paper work to do, as usual, because nearly the whole double-0 section was away... and Bond kept coming to me and repeatedly asked about your reports to M...” she rested her left hand on the table and placed her head on the hand. “Of course I didn’t inform him of anything. He was convinced that I was aware of the content of the reports, but it’s not true. All the reports always go directly to M. And M forbids me from reading them. I'm sure Bond knows that as a double-0...”

She paused for a moment when the waiter came to our table with her glass of still water.

“And M... he has been quite nervous since you and Amanda left for Geneva...”

She gave me a glance and took a sip from her glass.

“... I don't know why, but he has been kind of irritated all the time,” she continued, looking directly at me. “And it all culminated when the Chief of the Swiss intelligence informed him of the planned kidnapping. It seemed like he was very concerned about that mission. He reacted immediately..."

“Yeah, I noticed his immediate reaction," I laughed, looking at the table. "You probably shouldn’t be telling me that.”

“Yeah, I shouldn’t,” added Eve. “But when you work with him every day...” she hesitated, “... you get a bit tired. It's not because of him, but rather all the stuff that is always going on... It can be really stressful sometimes, and after a few intense weeks in a row you feel exhausted... I have *no idea* how M is still capable of leading this whole organization... those emotions can drive you *crazy* if you let them... at the end of the day you have to vent to someone.”

"I get it," I replied, scratching my right hand. "You can vent to me whenever you feel like venting. I wouldn't want you to go crazy."

"Thanks, Kath. It feels good to know someone cares for your own sanity.”

The waiter came again, this time bringing our dinner.

“Speaking of M,” I trembled, “there is something I *have* to tell you.”

"I'm all ears."

“I know that... we don’t know each other for long, but... you’re the only one I trust with this...”

And I told her *everything*. How I left the double-0 section meeting with Bond, how he confessed his feelings for me, and how he accused me of having a crush on M.

"So, what's your opinion on this?” I asked when I finished the story.

“It’s no big deal,” said Eve. “Everyone’s got their own soft spot.”

“I do not follow you.”

“Oh, Katherine,” she replied. “It’s obvious. You’re Bond’s soft spot. And... it seems like M’s yours.”

I looked her straight in the eye, but quickly moved my sight to the flowers in a little vase that was standing on our table. Eve continued to talk.

“Yeah, I remember exactly what you’ve told me *that* day: ‘I’m not interested in men at my age’... And the look on your face when you left his office... I could tell there was something more in your eyes than just the excitement before the mission. Something more... private,” said Eve, looking at my shocked face. “Then this Christmas present.... and Bond’s jealousy. It all fits together.”

She left me speechless for a while.

“I just... I just hope it’s not too obvious...”

“I have no idea, Kath. But perhaps Bond noticed your behaviour because he’s interested in you,” she speculated. “Do you think he really had his reasons to figure it all out?"

“I’m not sure... but probably yes,” I confessed with a worried look on my face. “I told him how M let me chose my double-0 number, how he reacted to the present... Do you think for Bond it was enough?”

“Judging by the way you stared at M earlier today, I think it might have been enough.”

“Hey, I wasn’t staring at him...”

Eve smirked and started to shake her head.

“Right...” I said. “Thanks for being honest with me, Eve.”

I felt really embarrassed.

“Do you think it’s wrong?” I asked, sounding pretty concerned about my romantic feelings.

“Wrong? There’s always some excitement associated with a love triangle!” quipped Eve.

“No, Eve... I’m serious,” I insisted, while looking at the other tables, making sure no one observed us. Even though we were at some random restaurant, I was scared that there might have been someone from the SIS. “Is... is it wrong that I fell for M?”

She smiled at me mildly.

“No. It’s not wrong,” she assured me. “But you'll have to be very careful with what you do about it. Anything you do right now might make things very much complicated.”

...

After the dinner we came back to the MI6 Headquarters, as we both had a lot to deal with. We said goodbye in the main corridor. Eve left for M’s office and I left for the paper work.

“Thanks so much for listening to me, Eve. I just... I just hope that talking about Bond didn’t bother you...”

“No, it’s perfectly fine. You were right to assume it’s just a stupid rumour.”

“It is?”

“Yeah,” said Eve. “It used to be true, but it’s not true anymore... I have to go, Kath. I’m already three minutes late and M’s going to kill me!” exclaimed Eve, and then gave me a hug. “And don’t worry much. We’ll come up with the solution.”

“Thank you, Eve. You’re the best,” I replied, as I placed my head on her shoulder and returned the hug. I closed my eyes for a moment.

“Miss Moneypenny,” said a male, stern voice, “would you mind coming back to work?”

I opened my eyes and saw Mallory who has just appeared in front of me out of nowhere.

“I’m s-s-sorry, sir... I’m coming,” said Eve quietly.

Mallory didn’t reply and they headed towards the elevator. I watched them until the elevator’s door have closed.

Eve’s such a great person, I thought. What a relief... I’ve told her everything and now I feel a lot better. But should I feel any better...? I’m in the middle of some stupid love triangle and there is nothing to be proud of. It’s not even a triangle since it’s only Bond who is interested in me.

How is it possible what whenever Bond leaves, I miss him dearly, but when he is close I can’t think of anyone else but Mallory? And when I see Mallory I can barely think straight?

Time to get back to work.

***

To be continued.

[discyours]

Depressed passing guide

I see a lot of passing guides around, and they’re great, but they usually assume you have 100% of your energy to put into passing. For those of us who have like 24 other mental illnesses that make gender dysphoria take the backseat, that’s not always realistic. So here’s some shit I’ve noticed can help you pass that doesn’t take much effort. I’m pre-t FTM so most of these tips will mainly be applicable if you are too.  Ps, you’re not required to pass in order to be “”valid””. Most of us want to and it can be important to stay safe, but remember you’re doing this for you, not the rest of the world.  General : Most pre-t guys will naturally look closest to 12-15 years old if they do pass. I know most of us hate not being treated our age but embracing this will make passing 100x easier. Match your mannerisms to those of teenage boys, and when looking for clothes/hairstyles try to match your perceived age rather than your actual age.  Clothing:  General rule for all clothes: don’t underestimate the kids’ section, and shop online if you can’t find your size. If both of those fail you, you can try to order internationally. Asian men have much smaller frames so clothes from China work great, just be careful not to order from dodgy sites. Tailors are also a good option if you can afford them.  Never get your jeans in the women’s section. They’ll be cut to accentuate your hips 99% of the time. If you can find men’s or boys’ jeans that fit your hips, straight leg is best. If you can’t, don’t sweat it you have other options. 

Sweatpants/joggers are great. They’ll go past your hips without issue because of the elastic, and if you don’t already pass nobody will look at you weird for going into the mens section to buy what’s widely recognised as very fucking comfortable clothing. Get a pair that’s looser on top and tighter on the bottom if you can, it keeps you from looking like a total slob. Stick to dark colours as they’ll slim down your hips.  For t-shirts, get something slim fit/athletic fit, and get it as close to your size as possible. Aside from your chest, your arms are the most obvious sign you’re not cis on your upper half. Getting shirts with tighter arm holes will give the illusion that you’re muscly, or at least not a total string bean. Once again, stick to dark colours. Large colour differences between your top and bottom half will draw a line across your body, making you look shorter. Graphic tees are a hit or miss. They can help conceal your chest and they fit the teenage boy look, but since they’re unisex they could end up making you look like a tomboy.    Avoid flannel, it’s associated with butch lesbians and could make people think you are one too.

Hoodies are a lifesaver. They’re easy to layer with (especially the zip-up kind) which will help conceal your chest. Rolling up the sleeves to your elbows makes them hug your arms tightly, making them look more muscular. Putting up the hood will make you look masculine, or at least hide feminine features somewhat. If you’re too small for men’s jackets, layering a zip-up hoodie with a (faux) leather jacket will look masculine and mimic the style a lot of men’s jackets have.  Binding: 

First of all, if you’re going to bind, be as safe as possible (there’s always risks, keep that in mind). 8 hours a day MAXIMUM (and maximum does not mean that that’s an allowance you need to use up every day), take it off as often as possible, and don’t ever sleep or exercise in your binder. Listen to your body, take a break when it hurts. Don’t bind with ace bandages or tape, just generally avoid homemade binders. And for the love of god, don’t get a cheap amazon/aliexpress/wish/ebay binder. If you bind unsafely, you can break your ribs, permanently deform your rib cage/collarbones, damage your soft tissues (which seriously reduces your chances of getting good top surgery results), permanently reduce your lung capacity, and just generally damage your body so much that you will never be able to bind again. Don’t be stupid.  Gc2b and underworks are the most popular and safest binder brands. Generally speaking, gc2b is better for smaller chests and underworks is better for larger chests.  There are two main styles of binders, tri-top and full tank. Tri-top does everything you need, full tank binders just add more (non-compressive) fabric to the bottom. Tri-top tends to be more comfortable as there’s no extra fabric to bunch up, but if you want your binder to be subtle if you have to change in front of people/are wearing a tight shirt, getting something that looks like a tank top is your best bet.  Gc2b binders are available in a range of colours, while underworks offers black, white and beige binders. I decided to get a binder that matched my skin colour since I could only afford one and I didn’t want it to show through any clothing. I HIGHLY regret it. Cis men do not wear skin coloured garments under their shirts. If your collar slips up in the slightest, there’s an obvious sign that you’re trans. Cis men DO wear undershirts though, so get a binder that’s the same colour as an undershirt (usually white but black works too).  Some trans men use kt tape to bind, and transtape is a product made specifically to improve upon kt tape binding. Mind you, putting tape on your skin is very fucking bad for it and you will likely get blisters, as well as risk losing skin elasticity (something that’s important to retain if you want top surgery). Only do this as a last resort if you’re in a situation where regular binders are even more unsafe or would out you, such as while traveling. Look up how to apply it properly first and remove it VERY carefully.  Hair: If you want long hair that’s your choice, and some trans men do pass with long hair. But keep in mind even square-jawed cis men will get misgendered from the back if they have long hair. If you’re not okay with regularly getting she’d, keep it short until you’re on t for a while. 

If you have yet to get your hair cut short, a barber may refuse to cut you. Some of them really do only work with men/boys and if you don’t pass, you’ll be turned away. Just go to a unisex salon, if you don’t want to out yourself then find a picture of a woman with a masculine haircut. Show them that, then get them to make it even more masculine (ask for your sideburns or “the bits on the side” squared, it makes a world of difference). You’ll be able to go to a barber for your next haircut after that.  Resist the urge to get a buzzcut. It’s very low maintenance but it makes your face shape extremely apparent, you will look feminine.  Get your hair as short as you can stand on the sides and leave some length on top. If you get the sides really short, you should only have to brave your social anxiety every two months orso to get a new cut. Style the top upwards with some product (wax, gel, whatever). Your face will look less round if you do this.  To avoid talking to your barber and possibly outing yourself, just find a picture of the haircut you want and show it to them. I’ve found barbers are far less chatty than people at unisex salons so you’ll probably be okay just not speaking.  Wash your hair as little as possible. Don’t let it get greasy, but allow it to build up some texture. Cis men’s hair is a lot rougher and less silky than cis women’s, so you want to mimic that. Throw your conditioner in the trash.  For body hair, leave it alone as much as possible. Don’t touch your eyebrows, either. Let them get bushy, don’t pluck any stray hairs. You can fill in your eyebrows to make them look thicker but I’d recommend against using makeup in any form as a trans man, it’s hard to make it look subtle and people will instantly think you’re a woman if they notice you’re wearing it.  You can shave your face if you want to, but it’s honestly a waste of time. Your skin will look softer without the peach fuzz, which is the opposite of what you want to achieve. Hair doesn’t grow back thicker after you shave it, so don’t bother doing it for that reason. Body composition: Dysphoria TW for mention of biological sex.  A lot of guides make a major point of this. Work out 5 days a week, eat as little as possible, get your body fat percentage down. One of the most popular guides there is for FTMs even suggests you get down below 20% body fat, acknowledging that that’d be an unacceptable advice for cis women but going on to say it’s okay because we aren’t cis women.  My advice on this is to do your best to shut THAT advice out. Our bodies are (unfortunately) female, they play by female rules. The notion that we can (and should!) starve and exercise our way into a male body is harmful and wrong. Having a female looking body isn’t a personal failure or a sign that you’re not working hard enough, it’s an unavoidable consequence of BEING physically female.  Building muscle helps. Lower bodyfat helps. If you’re overweight and can manage to go on a diet, go for it. If you can start working out, go for it! Just don’t sweat it if you can’t for whatever reason. I promise it’s still possible to pass.  Mannerisms

Sit with your legs open. Manspread a little. You want to be sitting in a way that would get old ladies tutting if a lady in a dress did it, but don’t go so far that you’re doing the splits.  If you want to cross your legs, do it with your ankle on your leg. Crossing your legs too tightly will crush the dick you want people to think you have.  Walk with your legs slightly apart, and try not to sway your hips. Visualise having something between your legs that you’re trying not to crush (because cis men do).  Put your hands in your pockets as much as possible. Standing with your hands in your pockets basically draws a straight line down your body, minimising the appearance of your hips. It also makes you look like a bored teenager so it’s perfect.  Don’t smile too much, especially not in pictures. If you do smile, smirk. Try to look cocky.  Cis men have stronger brow bones and eyebrows closer to their eyes. You can mimic this by frowning mildly.  There are tons of voice training techniques you can look up to get your voice to go deeper, but to be honest it’s a lot of effort. You need to actually put force behind your voice to get it to come from your chest, and god knows I’m too depressed to do that 90% of the time. I’m fond of the “never fucking speak to anyone” technique and it works out just fine.  Confidence is absolutely the most important part. If you’re showing that you’re sure of yourself and act like you being a man is the most natural, obvious thing ever, people are unlikely to doubt you. If they do doubt you, just laugh it off. Act like the notion of you being anything but male is ridiculous. I don’t even do all the things in this guide. I’m very short with wide hips and a very high pitched voice, but confidence is what consistently gets me to pass. If you’re not confident, fake it till you make it.  Feel free to add!

[maddieson-san]

Secret Santa KogKag gift

ALRIGHT. This is for @sarahbearah1914. FIRST OF ALL, I am so sorry it wasn’t in time for Christmas. I had finished it before we left for our big trip, and we were supposed to return the 24th. So I was going to just re-read it when I came back and post it for the 25th. And then, well, this is CANADA. And we had a HUGE ice rain, snow storm. And all planes were delayed, and it was a mess, and we ended up NOT with our families for christmas. AND alright, not the important part of this, but - I wanted to say I’m deeply sorry for the delay. I promise it was very much out of my control, and I am very, very sorry.

And I hope you will enjoy this, and I hope you had the best christmas! And I hope you can forgive me.

So here we go.

(Also, did I say sorry?)

Please, don’t do this to me.

Kagome prayed to all the gods she could think of as she repetitively turned the key into her broken down car. Despite her best efforts - it was not working. It teased her into believing that it might start up, but it was not. As her pale fingers were crisped around the black leather steering wheel, she let her head fall forward, hitting the steering wheel. Why? She banged her head a few times, desperation filling her chest. She should have gotten a new car, but - she had not. Money had been tight and - and she could not afford it. She had been using her extra money to help her mother at the shrine. Every month, she gave an envelope of cash to her mother, who reluctantly accepted it. Mostly because Kagome told her that it was extra money that she did not need. But she did need it. She had convinced herself that she could make her car last a few more years… but, it had decided otherwise.

And now there she was stuck parked in front of a now closed grocery store, in the evening, with no way home. Her shift at the store had run longer than anticipated. Maybe she could call a cab? But she could not abandon her car here! What if it was salvageable? What if she could get some money from it? Maybe she could call one of her friends, get advice or a ride from a friend. She resigned herself to her reality and pulled the keys out of the ignition, before exiting the car. She slammed the door shut and leaned against it while fishing her cellphone out of her black leather purse. As Kagome looked up, she noticed a bright red sign. She tilted her head to the side, reading it out: KT Mechanics. Could it be? Was life actually letting her catch a break? No, it was probably closed. But the sign was still lite up. It was worth a try.

She put her cellphone back in her purse and started to head down the street. If at least she could get an actual diagnostic on the car, it might help her make a decision. She could not help but shake her head at the situation. Three years ago, she would have never thought that her life would end up like this. She went from chasing youkais to looking for a mechanic in the middle of the night. The intensity of her adventures had died down with the passing years, that was for sure. At first, it had been a hard change of reality but after time passed, she learned to accept that she was back to being a regular girl. No more time traveling, no more shards - no more Inuyasha.

And that was fine.

Of course, the life she had left behind here had been a mess upon her return but she had managed to clean it up. She had to stay in high school an extra year, then she had to do community college for almost two years. It had taken every moment of her time, only to still be at the bottom of the barrel. In the end, she had managed to get into university - which was about to start in a few weeks. Meanwhile, all of her friends had graduated, or almost, and they were on their way to bettering their lives. But it was okay. Because she had more than she thought she would ever had after throwing away her school years.

After a few more seconds, Kagome finally reached the mechanics store’s front door. There was a blue neon sign flashing the word open staring at her as she pushed the metal door open. A bell dinged to announce her entrance as the door closed behind her. She threw a quick glance around, but the place was empty. A bunch of tires were piled up in the corner, oil stains covered the floor and the front counter appeared to be pretty busted up. She dared to take a few quiet steps ahead, trying to see if she could spot anyone in the back. Unfortunately for her all she could see was darkness. She would almost think no one was there if it were not for the sound of tools clinging together. There had to be somebody.

Her eyes swept the counter until they found a tiny metal damaged bell. Better than nothing. She pressed it down, its distorted sound echoing through the emptiness. “Anybody?” she tried.

Why did she feel like she was in the middle of a horror movie?

“Can I help you?”

The moment she lifted her head, she found herself staring into two brown eyes and she was hopeless to stop the scream that passed her lips. What in the world? She did not even hear him coming! She palmed her chest with her hand, feeling the beating of her heart beneath her fingers. “Y-yes, hm. I… My car broke down.”

The guy stared at her as he wiped the oil off of his fingers with a dirty white rag. He had short black hair slicked back and his red t-shirt was ripped at various spots. “Where?”

“Just - just down the street. I was - I was hoping somebody could tell me what’s wrong with it.” She shifted her weight from her left foot to her right. “I’m kinda hoping to make it live a few more months at least.” Once school would start and the big bills would die down, it would be much better. Right now - it was simply just too tight.

“We’ll have to tow it here.”

“Sure.”

She stared down at her watch: it was 7:59pm, she could afford to lose a few hours right?

“A’right. Hey Hak, we need a quick tow,” he shouted to someone who was still working in the back.

The clinging sound stopped and footsteps were heard as somebody else emerged through the darkness. A blond mohawk popped first, before a guy with a nose piercing became visible. He was dressed similarly to the other guy except he was wearing oil stained jeans that had faded spots of color beneath the knees. “Sure, where’s the car?”

“Hm, down the street,” she answered.

As she spoke, the guy stopped walking. Instead, he raised his head to look at her and his gaze did not falter. She managed a small smile to hide her awkwardness, but her level of discomfort grew. Why was he looking at her like that?

“— Hmm, yeah. Can you show — me?”

She knitted her eyebrows. “Sure.”

He moved around the counter, never taking his eyes off of her until she turned around. That was weird. Against her best judgement, she led the way to her car. It was not like she thought he was a stalker or killer, but she could not get over the way he was looking at her. She could hear his footsteps behind her as she walked and she tried to act as natural as possible. Once the car was in view she came to a halt and turned around. “It’s the blue one there,” she said as she pointed.

“Alright, so we’ll be able to tow it back to the shop, it should only take a few minutes. You can go back inside if you want.”

“Okay, thank you.”

The further she got from him, the less awkward it was. Once she was back inside, the man was still at the counter. “Do ya want something to drink?”

“No I’m fine, thank you.”

“You can sit on that chair if ya want. It’s the only clean seat we got.”

She turned her head and spotted a lonely foldable black chair; that would do. She walked to it and plopped down before throwing her head backwards. Maybe she should have abandoned the car; it might have been a little easier.

“Hey, Haru - I got it.”

“What?”

“I’ll take a look at the car.”

Kagome stood straight again as she heard the new voice. Why did it feel familiar? She leaned to the left, trying to catch sight of the new person, but all she could see was long black hair wrapped up in a messy bun.

“Where is she?”

“Sitting on the chair.”

They were talking about her. Was that her cue to get up? She heard the footsteps come her way and she rose to her feet. The strange came in view, standing tall in front of her. Unlike the other two, he did not look as dirty. He wore nothing more than a pair of jeans and a black t-shirt, but both article of clothing were free of stains and holes. The only thing he had in common with the other guy from earlier was the way he was looking at her. His brown eyes were as opened wide as Hak’s. He was staring at her as though he was trying to find something on her face. She watched as his nose twitched, almost as if he was taking in her scent. And again, there was this awkwardness in the air.

“Ii-is this about my car?” she said, breaking the silence.

He cleared his throat. “Hm, yeah Hakka- Hak, brought it in. I’ll take a look at it.”

“Oh okay, great. Thank you. And sorry for the short notice. I kind of really need it to run again.”

He smirked and for a second, the feeling of familiarity washed over her again. “I’ll see what I can do.” He knew he had to stop staring at her but he simply could not stop himself from doing that.

“I feel bad that all of you work so late. Your boss must be a strict guy.”

He exchanged a look with the guy behind the corner before displaying a wide grin. “He is. He’s quite a hard ass actually. A real jerk.”

A flush crept across her cheeks before she grimaced. Crap. “You’re the boss aren’t you?”

He laughed. “I might be.”

Kagome covered her face with her hand, trying to hide away her embarrassment. “Let’s start over.” This was so typical of her. “I’m Kagome, and thank you for fixing my car.”

Suddenly, his face paled and his eyes grew even wider - if that were even possible. He took a step back as his whole body stiffened, his brown eyes still watching her form with an intensity that burned right through her. “No problem.”  He turned his head, finally tearing his eyes away from her. “Haru, I’ll be outside.”

Kagome tilted her head to the left and pursed her lips; why was everyone being strange? It was like they had never seen a girl in their life before. She let her back hit the chair and closed her eyes. Maybe she was being weird. Maybe her tiredness was making her see things that were not happening. She was familiar to odd feelings; she had them all the time after getting locked back in her own time. She used to be slightly jumped and see mirages of things that could not be.

Eventually everything would fall back into place.

Right?

-W-

“But -“

“No.

“You said her name was -“

“I said no.”

“Come on, you have to admit that -“

“No.”

He did not know how else to spell it out for him. He was not going down that road - he had done that once and it had not ended well. He was older now, more logical and he certainely knew better than to chase after something that could not be.

“How do you know?”

“She was human, you moron. Ain’t no way she made it five hundred years.”

“Well - I mean.”

“Yeah, there you go you moron.”

“But her name - and I mean her face…”

“Maybe she’s just a reincarnation. What do ya want me to tell you?” He was not going to let this idea grow in his head - it was not her. Yes, he had been startled. Yes, she looked like her. Yes, she smelled like her. But she could not be her.

“I think it’s her.”

“Yeah, then whatcha gonna do?” Kouga challenged. “Walk up to her, ask her how she’s been during the last five hundred years? Good luck with that.”

The world was not what it used to be. Although he had long stopped feeding on humans and living that lifestyle, it did not mean that he trusted humans. He had trusted her - because she had shown him the difference. However, as the years past the world grew crueller and humans grew fearful of whatever they could not easily overpower. Their tactic against that had been to eradicate youkais. They had driven them away, burned them alive - whatever their little minds had been able to come up with at the time - and they had chased them away. Now, instead of living freely, they lived in hiding. One could not simply take a chance and reveal his identity. They had worked too hard, devoting their lives to becoming legends and myths. Things had to stay this way.

“I guess you’re right.”

“Damn right, I’m right. Now do your job.”

“Yes, boss.”

-W-

“Good news, bad news.”

Oh great.

“Good news is I can fix it.”

“And the bad news?”

“You won’t have it tonight.”

Well that was not so bad. She had almost expected it to be a lost cause… one day? It was not like she lived for her car. It was quite convenient and it allowed her to reach the shrine in a timely matter if needed - and it let her not bus to work. Good thing was, she did not work tomorrow.

“That’s fine.”

“Great, so if ya want, we’ll call ya tomorrow and you can pick it up.”

Now she would have her car and - wait. “How much is this gonna cost me?” Dear god, she almost forgot to ask the most important question. If the repairs were worth more than the car - there was no way she was going to do this.

He chuckled; took her long enough. “15,000 yen.”

…She could do that. Although it almost felt under priced? “Are you sure?”

This girl was something else. “Do ya want me to charge you more?”

She put her hands in front of her. “No. Too late, you set your price. I heard it. You can’t take it back!”

His laughter echoed through the room as he slightly tilted his head backwards. “Then 15,000 yen it is. Just leave your number at the front and we’ll call ya when it’s ready.”

“Perfect, thank you. This is a real life saver.”

He put his hands on his hips. “Hey, I ain’t the best mechanic in town for nothing.”

As he said it, she was unable to hold back her laughter. She held her stomach, bending herself in two as the sounds bubbled out of her chest. “S-sorry,” she said as her eyes filled with tears. “You just really reminded me of someone I knew…a long time ago” The eye color was wrong, but the cockiness was there.

Nope, it did not mean anything. “A cool guy I hope?”

Her laughter died down and transformed into a feeling of nostalgia. “You know, I wasn’t always sure, but in the end, yeah, he was.”

“I’ll take it as a compliment then.”

“You should. Anyways, thanks. I’ll leave my number at the front.”

“I’ll call ya.”

He flashed one last grin in her direction before she turned around and walked towards the counter. He watched her every movement, his brain spinning away as he refused to let unreal thoughts fill his mind. His brain was playing tricks on him; he had let her go many centuries ago, and he had never seen her again. He had seen many wild things during his many hundred of years on this planet, but a human who made it that long? He had yet to see that. It looked like her, but it could not be her. It smelled like her, but it could not be her.

But for one short moment - it was nice to wonder.

-W-

Beer.

Yes, this was the kind of nights that required a few beers. They would not do much for him, but it might take the edge off. He might have told the guys to fuck off about her, but it did not change the little voice in the back of his head. It could not possibly be her. It was not like it was a big deal if it were her. Last time he saw her, he had walked away from her, given her up to the mutt. It was not like it was his desired outcome but… what other choice did he have? Kagome wanted the mutt and Kouga had wanted her to be happy. The solution that had presented itself had been the only one… And he had done it. He had loved her enough to give her up.

Afterwards, he had - he had tried but nothing had come up. Before he had a chance to settle down the whole world had changed up and there was nothing left for him to do. He had salvaged what he could and he had tried to build a life for himself. Of course, it was not much of a life, but he had everything that he needed to make it through the next few centuries. Eventually, the world would change again and he would need to adapt again.

As he closed the shop’s door behind him, he refocused his gaze ahead of him. That was when he noticed her. She was sitting on the curb, her legs stretched out in front of her. Had she not left over thirty minutes ago? He dared to get close to her, hoping she would turn around. But she did not. “Ya alright?”

She nearly jumped out of her skin at the sound of his voice. She brought a hand to her chest before turning around, nearly laying on the sidewalk, and looked at him. “Oh.” It was the mechanic. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Okay.” He blinked. “Do - do you need us to call ya a cab?”

“I tried to do that,” she explained as she looked away from him. “But then, my cellphone died on me. Then I thought one might showed up… and I guess a lost track of time.” She was absolutely exhausted. The overtime working, the traveling, the beginning of school - it had taken a toll on her. Perhaps it was her ways in the feudal era, but apparently now she could fall asleep anywhere. The only problem was, somehow, this era was more dangerous than the feudal era. Humans turned out to be a lot scarier than youkais ever were.

“You can use the phone if ya want?” Somehow, her nearly falling asleep on the sidewalk only reminded him even more of her. Kagome had been quite trusting. Somehow, they had ended up friends sorta. Despite the fact that their relationship had started with him kidnapping her, it had turned out great.

“I probably should.” Great, now she looked like a crazy lady. Then again, this was not the first time that she had appeared to have lost her mind. Upon her full return from the feudal era, it had been difficult to explain all the holes in her stories and her disappearances. It had come with some bad lies and yes, she had gotten a few looks. She probably did not need anymore of that. Then again, that guy was a stranger. What did it matter?

Her scent tickled his nose and an unsettling feeling puddled in his guts. He should be letting her walk inside and he should resume his task at hand. But he was not. Instead, he let himself be filled with uncertainty. “I - I can give you a ride home if you need.” He had not just offered a fucking strange girl a ride home. He did not.

“I-hm.” She had no cellphone, she did not know him. She might have done dangerous things in the past, but she was not a complete moron. It would not be safe to get in the car with a stranger. “Well.”

“I ain’t some weird killer.” Which was probably something a killer would say… Why did he want to investigate this further? Had he not already agreed that it was not her? But she stood there, looking at him with shiny blue eyes and he did not know what to say. Did he think it was her or did he want it to be her? He never knew what happened to her… “I - here.” He shoved his hand in his pocket and pulled out his phone. “Ya can hold on to it. In case I turn crazy,” he said with a grin.

She probably should not but… why did she trust him? She reached out for his cellphone, wrapping her fingers around it. “S-sure.” She held it in her hand, and took a step forward in his direction.

“Follow me.”

Kagome walked behind him as he lead the way to his vehicule. It was not until they reached it that she realized she had pictured it much differently in her head. “A… a motorcycle?”

He turned around, flashing her a grin. “A motorcycle.” He picked up his black helmet from the seat of his motorcycle and turned around to offer it to her. “Wear this.”

Kagome reached out for it with her empty hand, bringing it close to her body. “What about you?” She might not know him but she did not want him to end up on the side of the road with a split skull.

“I’ll be fine.”

“No, you have to wear something.”

“I’ll be fine,” he repeated.

She nearly stomped her foot down as she stopped walking. “You have to wear a helmet. Motorcycles, bikes, it doesn’t matter.” She grimaced. “I haven’t always been the best example…” Why was she rambling to a stranger? “But, I wouldn’t bike through the forest again without a helmet! I don’t care if you think you’re mister big shot.”

Biking through the forest? A familiar flashback filled his mind. A bike… He should not asked. His heart was pounding, and he wanted it to be so real. He really should not, but it slipped his lips. “Does the name Naraku mean anything to do?”

Kagome stopped mid-stride as she wondered if she had gone deaf for a second. Her ears were playing tricks on her. She spread her fingers out in a fan against her breast bone while squeezing her eyes shut. No matter how many times she replayed it in her head, it sounded the same; Naraku. She dared to turn her head and look at him. He was standing in the same spot, his arms at his sides while he stared at her as though she held the answer to life. It could not be. But then - he looked like him. He had his name but - but, if she - based on everything she knew. And yet…

“K-kouga?” she stammered.

“One and only.”

He said it with confidence but it had taken every inch of his control to not let his voice shake. It was her. How could it be her? He had too many questions and not enough answers and he was not even sure as to where he should begin. He was foolishly attempting to put two lines together when suddenly the air was knocked out of his lungs. She had lunged at him, her arms wrapping themselves around his neck as she hugged him close to her chest. She was nothing but warmth as he let the effect of shock glide off of him. He never expected her to hug him but he was not about to remain a frozen statue. He lifted his own arms and wrapped them around her waist.

“I- How?” she asked as she pulled away from him.

“I feel like I should be the one asking you that.”

Right. He never knew about her and the bone eater well. God, she had gone and hugged him like they were the oldest friends in the world. She had seen him for the last time when he had finally let her go right before the final battle. “It’s a long story.”

“We got some coffee in the back?”

“Coffee sounds good.”

He led the way and she followed him.

It was strange to ponder upon all the twists of fate that had gotten her at this exact moment and exact location.

Life was strange.

-W-

Time traveling wells, modern high school girl fighting youkais. If it had not come from Kagome, he would not have believed it. But it was her. Her voice, her scent, her laughter. He never knew what happened to her. For the longest time, he had thought she had ended up with mutt face, but after seeing him all alone, he got a vague answer telling him Kagome was gone. And that was it. He remembered looking at every dark haired woman, turning his head at every pair of baby blue eyes, but it was never her. The centuries settled in, the world changed, and he stopped looking. Until, she literally walked back into his life. He could not believe it.

His hands were sliding over the handles of his motorcycle, sweat pouring from his palms as he revved his motorcycle. He was just about to turn the corner, ready to pick her up. Obviously, after a long night of talking, he had brought her home - and she had not given him any crap about his helmet this time. Now, he was on his way to pick her up. Him and the boys had spent the whole night fixing her car, and it was ready for her. Obviously, he would have liked to hold on to an excuse to see her again, but this was Kagome. He was not about to make her wait around for her car. Whatever she needed, she would get immediately. He knew it had been a long time, but the sight of her alone was enough to bring a lot of memories rushing back, memories he thought he had long buried away.

As he got closed to the address she had given him the night before, he saw her sitting on the curb, her hands wrapped around her legs. He slowed down, not wanting to spook her, and pulled out to the side. “Morning.”

She flashed him a smile. “Morning.” They talked for hours but she could still not believe it. He had made it through the centuries, which apparently was quite difficult to do. Inuyasha per example, had not made it, but it was not like she had expected him to live that long. If he was still alive in this time, he would have come to see her; he knew where she lived. He had not come to her, which had led her to the truth. It was okay. Years had gone by, she knew it. It was okay. And some people were still alive.

He turned around and retrieved the second helmet he had gotten. “Here you go. Two helmets,” he said with a grin.

“Ah, ah,” she said as she took it from him. Yesterday she ended up with quite a head of hair, but at least she had been heading home. Now, she was not going to have the same luxury. Regardless, she put the helmet on and then stared at the motorcycle. Now, how was she going to get on that thing? Last night, he had offered her his hand and now she was not sure if she was tall enough to hop on.

Kouga’s laughter filled the place. “Hold on,” he said as he safely secured the motorcycle before hopping off. He walked around and without skipping a beat, he put his large hands on her hips and effortlessly lifted her from the ground and put her down on the seat.

She had not been lifted up and dragged around in a few years now, and a feeling of familiarity warmed her chest. “Thanks,” she managed to say.

“Anything for my woman,” he said with a wink before hopping on himself.

She let a chuckle slip her as she wrapped her arms around him for safety, much like she had done the night before. Her face was pressed into his leather jacket, feeling warmth spread to her cheeks. She did not know why she expected him to call her anything but that. Although that nickname had brought her some annoyance in the past, she was actually quite happy to hear it. It felt familiar and it brought her back to her time in the feudal era.

“Ready?”

“Yep!” Ready to head to her death? Yes, she was. Then again, it was Kouga. If there was one thing she could be sure of was that he would not let anything happen to her. If he said it was safe, it was safe. She closed her eyes, and kept her face pressed into his leather jacket.

“Let’s go.”

-W-

“Guys, I don’t think I can eat any more than this,” Kagome said as she leaned back into the chair. They had surprised her with quite a breakfast; bagels, croissants, fruits, meats… But despite the insane amount of food left, she could not possibly swallow one more bite.

“Come on, we never have this much food,” Ginta said as he popped in a grape in his mouth.

“Yeah, Kouga is usually a cheap-o, but for you, we are getting luxury.”

Kouga’s eyes narrowed as he stared at the guys. “Yeah, because you too keep mooching off of me.”

“Now, now, is that alpha talk?”

“I’m very disappointed.”

Kouga rolled his eyes before grabbing a bagel and tossing it at Ginta’s face. “Just finish the food.”

Kagome could not help but laugh; five hundred years later, and things had not changed with them and somehow it made her feel much better. Kouga had always been a little intense, and though she did not always appreciate it, she thought it was one of his good qualities. He adored his pack, and he took care of them. He was a good alpha, and throughout the years it seemed that he had never faltered or let them down.

“See, sis thinks we’re funny.”

“I’m still sis?”

Kouga stared at her with a quirked eyebrow. “Why wouldn’t you be?”

“It’s been a long time,” she pointed out. It was recent for her but - they should have forgotten about her by now.

“Pack is for life.”

“But - I didn’t -“

“I don’t wanna hear it.”

“But -“

“Alright, that’s it.” He hoped in a standing position from his chair, and he walked in her direction. She glued her back to her chair, uncertain of what he was going to do next. That did not stop him as he snaked a single arm around her waist, and lifted her as though she weighted nothing. He held her up against his side and began dragging her away. She began waving her arms and legs around, wondering where in the world he was taking her. To silence her, he began slowly flipping her, her head aiming towards the ground. “Shoulda stopped.”

Wait. Where was he taking her?

She tried to tilt her head to see where they were heading. It looked like they were in the main repair room. Oh oh. They closed in closer to a blue bin, and did not know if she should feel relaxed or fear for her life. It was not until he lifted her up, allowing her to see the barrel of water that she began to panic. She summoned an insane amount of force out of her tiny body and began to wriggle herself free. Her motions took him by surprise, allowing her to get somewhat of an upper hand. Kagome wrapped her arms around his neck, her legs still prisoners of his tight grip.

“Say it.”

“What?!”

He began slowly lowering her, the water getting closer and closer to her rear as he used the new found position to get the upper hand. “You’re pack.”

“What?” Was he serious?

“I warned ya to stop.”

“Kouga…”

“Alright, have it the hard way,” he said as he tilted forward.

“ALRIGHT! I’M PACK! I’M PACK!”

He chortled as he left her hovering over for a second longer. “See, was that so hard?” he asked as he finally pulled her away and helped her in getting her feet on the ground.

Kagome’s eyes narrowed as she found back her balance. “No, it wasn’t.” She bend down, hoping to tilt the barrel forward and unto him. Unfortunately for her, she did not account for how heavy it was going to be. Despite using all of her strengths, it did not bulge. All it did was make Kouga laugh his heart out. Great. That did not go at all the way she had planned. She sighed heavily before giving up. This was not working at all.

“Is this what you were trying to do?” he asked as he grabbed the edge of the barrel, tilting it forward.

“Don’t you dare,” she warned.

“I’m terrified,” he said with a smirk.

“Kouga…”

“Mmm.”

And it happened, he tilted it forward, splashing her completely in water, soaking her to the bone. A huge gasp past her lips, her expression horrified as she met his eyes. “That’s it.”

Kouga laughed louder. “I think you forgot how fast I am,” he teased as he dashed forward.

She was going to zap him.

-W-

She blinked once, then twice.

Then she tilted her head to the side.

“Kouga, what is this?”

She had seen a lot of Kouga lately. It was strange to think that they had ended up in the situation. Three years ago, she would not have pictured herself hanging out with Kouga nearly every day. Then again, he was much different three years ago - or really five hundred years ago. He had grown into his qualities and toned down the a little more intense sides of himself. Also, she had grown as well. She had taken a lot of things and people for granted in the past, thinking everything was forever. She now knew that it was not the case. Kouga was a friend who had put his life on the line many times in the past and she was grateful for it all. Plus, it was actually nice. She was able to be herself, to not censor herself and she did not have to think about every word that came out of her mouth. How was she supposed to explain the gap in her life to others? But, with him - she got to talk about it all, the past, the present… And Ginta and Hakkaku were often with them, making it even nicer.

“It’s a car!” he finally said as he moved out of the way. He had fixed her car, and he had made sure it was damn well done. After all, his Kagome would be driving around with it and he did not want anything to happen to her. Still, he thought that she deserved a better car. He remembered the way she had been about money, and not spending too much. He guessed by her reaction that she could not afford a better car, but he could help her out with that.

“Kouga, you can’t give me a car.”

“What if I say it didn’t cost me nothin’?”

“Kouga…”

“Come on,” he said as he threw his head back. “I got it for free. Just cost me some time.” He had so many parts laying around that it had been no problem for him to whip up a little something for her. Actually, he had needed to do this for her. “Actually, I mean, you’re my woman. Who else is gonna take care of ya?”

She tilted her head forward. “I can take care of myself Kouga.”

He shrugged. “Oh I know that. I still remember that slap.”

She laughed.

“Look, I gotta lot of years to make up for. Alpha instincts. Let me do this for ya.” He let her go, he gave her up to Inuyasha because it was what she wanted. He did not think it was the best thing for her, but it was what she had wanted. Except, she had not end up with Inuyasha. She had not even stayed in the past. She had returned to her own time. And he was someone else, and she was someone else. Five hundred years did not change anything. He still wanted to protect her, and take care of her.

“Kouga… it’s a car.” He was insane. It was insane. She was not going to accept a car from him. She could not do that. “I can’t.”

“What can I do to make ya accept it?”

“Kouga…”

“Don’t make me dunk you in water again.”

“Don’t make me zap you again.”

He laughed. “Fair enough.”

“Kouga, we - I mean, it’s been a long time. I mean, I know you guys said I was pack.” She shuddered as she thought about how cold the water had been. “And I said it too. But, after all this time? This is crazy.”

“Alright, what if you work for me?”

“What?”

“Work for me, and when you feel like you’ve done enough, you stop and you take the car.” He did not like this deal. He wanted her to take the car, and accept it. But, it was Kagome. And she was a strong headed woman. He would not have her any other ways. It was the same qualities that had made him fall in love with her in the first place. He knew she never felt for him. He knew he had pursued her with no hope and he had given her up. But, but there was always something about her.

“Fine.”

It was insane but - at least he was not giving her something for free and she felt more at ease with the whole situation. Although she did not know the first thing about cars or mechanics, she could do this right? It was not like he was going to make her repair a car or change a tire. Although that would be a good skill to learn.

“Good,” he said with a smirk as he dropped the keys in her hand. “Now how about a drive?”

“Kouga…”

“A tiny drive. To see if you like it.”

He was still the same pushy Kouga he had always been. She sighed as she tilted her head backwards. “Five minutes, nothing more.”

“Nothing more,” he said as he raised up his hands.

“Let’s go wolf man.”

“Yes ma’am.”

-W-

“Alright, I need a food break.”

Kagome slammed her hands on her thighs before stretching out her legs. She was doing a movie marathon with the boys, and though there was nothing she enjoyed more than seeing them watch modern movies, she was starving to death. She was trying to alternate everything; school, work, social life. And some things were getting pushed aside. And a hungry Kagome was never a good Kagome. It was actually scary.

“I got it,” Kouga said as he hopped to his feet before she could even begin moving.

“Kouga, I got it.”

“I got it,” he said before disappearing from her view, not leaving her a chance to protest.

Kagome let her hands fall back to her side, desperation emitting from her body.

Ginta could not help the little chuckle that escape his chest. Kagome had never known pack Kouga. Sure, she had seen him when he would zoom around her, and try to swoon her but - it seemed she was forgetting the flowers, and the little attention. He was a pack leader. It was in him to take care of others. Also, Kagome used to have Inuyasha around her, taking care of her, and Kouga’s instincts knew that. But now? There was nobody. He knew she was by herself, on her own and although no one doubted Kagome’s survival skills and strength, Kouga had to help her. It was not something he could stop himself from doing.

“He means well,” he finally said.

“I can do things.”

“He knows that,” Hakkaku pitched in. “But he wants to take care of you.”

“I didn’t do that much for you guys.” She felt bad. She knew what it meant to be a pack. Well, she did not know what it meant for youkais but she knew what it meant for wolves. It was a loyal bond, and it was a family. Yes, she had saved a few of them from getting eaten, but that did not warrant them bringing her into their pack. She used to think that they did it because Kouga proclaimed her his woman. But now that she was here and they were here… And they were still trying to protect her and take care of her. Surely Kouga had not hung on to her for the last five hundred years. He was actually acting like she was a part of his pack. And she did not think she deserved it.

“You saved our lives.”

“I shot a few arrows.”

“Kouga had kidnapped you, proclaimed you his woman, you slapped him… and hm, most of the pack was using you for their own benefit. And yet, you still saved us. I think that counts as more than just shooting a few arrows.” He did not like the way she was putting herself down. Humans did not help youkais. But Kagome did not know them and she risked her own life for them. She could have escaped and she chose to stood her ground and fight for them. They were never going to forget that.

“I just… I don’t think it’s fair to you guys.”

“Trust me, Kouga is happy.”

“Yeah, the pack has been getting smaller and smaller. He likes having someone else to take care of and alpha.” Plus, it was Kagome. Ten years, a million years; she would always be Kagome. She turned their whole life around; they stopped eating humans because of her. She showed them another side of life. How did she not realize the huge impact she had on them, on Kouga?

“Humans don’t exactly do this.”

“But youkais do.”

“Plus, you’re not that human.”

“Alright, chips, popcorn, sodas, chocolate. What else?” Kouga said as he walked back in with his hands full. They were not the most equipped food wise. After all, they were a bunch of boys living above a garage and they did not exactly require the same kind of nutrients that she did.

“Any non diabetes food?” she asked with a laughter.

“I’m not familiar with that.”

“Ah, ah.”

He sat down beside her, the goodies still in his arms as he plopped down on the couch. He dropped them on his laps and opened one of the chocolate bars. As he was slowly chewing it, he could feel a part of eyes on him. He knew who they belonged to without needing to take a look. He smiled as he pulled the chocolate bar away before snapping it in half. Without even looking at her, he extended his arm her way, handing her the piece. What he did not expect was that she was going to use her mouth instead of her hand to retrieve it. He felt the pressure of her lips wrapping around it as she snatched it away from him, before leaning back into the couch.

He arched an eyebrow, still feeling even more pair of eyes on him now. It was Ginta and Hakkaku. They were watching him with sly smiles on their faces, which Kagome remained still unaware of for the moment - and he intended on keeping it that way. He warned them with his eyes before grabbing the remote.

“Ready for the next one?”

She nodded as she kept on chewing.

Kagome was sitting closed to him, her body touching his as she was carefully settled in. This was fine. He was fine. And he was going to strangle these two morons if they did not stop staring. It did not mean anything because Kagome did not know the first thing about packs and their dynamics.

It was nothing.

-W-

“I mean a skirt?”

“It was practical!”

“How was running around the feudal era in a skirt practical?” he asked with crossed arms. Sure, he had thought it was strange back then, but now that he actually knew what a school girl uniform was, it was scandalous. Also, he wondered how they ended up never getting flashed. She had been playing a risky game.

“School,” she weakly defended. “I never knew when I’d have a chance to go back and forth and it made it easier. And what was I supposed to wear? Some miko outfit?”

He shook his head. “That wouldn’t have been you.” Kagome needed to stand out - she was Kagome.

“There you go. Practical.”

“I don’t think that’s how that works.”

“I don’t see you coming up with a better argument.”

“Good point.” He laughed. “You know what, you should prove your point. Let’s get that skirt.” She smacked him across the chest loud enough for the sound to echo through the room. “You still hit hard,” he said as rubbed his chest.

“You deserved it.”

“I was just tryin’ help.”

“Such a kind soul.”

He winked at her. “Anything for you. I mean, I’m trying to defend your honor and praise your skills. Running around in a skirt? Props to you.”

“I’m surprised my clumsiness did not turn every walk into an embarrassing moment.” She was well known for her lack of coordination. Although it worked. And it set her apart from everybody else. Then again, hanging out with youkais and youkai slayer and monks already kind of did that on its own.

“I’m glad or I would have missed a show. I mean, a chance to rescue you from embarrassment.” He smirked, his lips stretching enough to show a hint of fang.

“Such a gentleman. What are you going to do next?” she asked with a shake of the head. “Kidnap me and woo me away?”

“I don’t think, I like my odds.”

“I don’t know, I think you might get slapped again.”

“Wanna bet?”

He did not give her a chance to reply or even react to the words he had just spoken. Instead, he decided to take advantage of the effect of surprise and swoon in. He should not do this, he knew this. And he was probably going to regret it, but he was unable to stop himself. She had issued a challenge and he was up to the part. He pressed his lips against hers, doing something he had wanted to do for five hundred years. Something he never thought he would get to do. He kissed his woman. His lips left a trail of warmth behind as he pulled away as quickly as he had come in. If it were not for the tingle in her stomach, she would have thought that she had hallucinated it. As she watched his tall figure retracted, she brought her hands to her lips, touching where he had kissed. This was Kouga - the Kouga she had turned down times and times again. The Kouga who did not know the signification of the word no. The Kouga who kidnapped her and tried to use her as a jewel detector for a while - although, he saw more to her than that. But it could not be. Could it? No. It was, the past, the memories - it was all of it wrapped up in a bow.

And yet, this feeling…

It was not as scary as she thought it would have been.

Though, she was most likely still going to slap him - even though he would enjoy it.

-W-