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personname1 · 1 year ago

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In this idea of the "Gray Jedi" I always come back to the idea of Kreia and Jolee Bindo from KOTOR. And I think this is where we see what the prototypical "Gray Jedi" are. I don't know Jolee Bindo as well but from what I remember he is described as a Gray Jedi because he uses emotion when he uses the force. But I think what people miss is that he isn't some morally grey character who goes out and kills people and does terrible things. Rather he is a person who still overwhelmingly seems to be a Jedi and for all that his in game "Alignment" is neutral his actions show what he is.

Now I know KOTOR 2 way better so I will actually provide some thinking on Kreia. Kreia throughout the game criticizes your actions both light and dark. She comes across as the idea of a "Gray Jedi", a force user who does what needs to be done. But you look and she never advocates for helping others, she never stands for any way but the shortest. Starting on Telos IV she advocates you work with Czerka because they are the pragmatic choice. On Onderon she approves if you side with General Vaklu, on Nar Shadaa she criticizes you helping refugees instead of working with the Exchange. Her actions consistently show that she is not a good person. Beyond what your character sees as well is how she treats everyone around her. She breaks into Atton's mind to manipulate him, she forces Hanharr into servitude with the direct intention of having him kill one of your companions, she sends a message off to Darth Nihilus that he should go to Telos IV to find Jedi, exposing Atris, she corrupts Atris to the Dark Side - further than she already was.

At the end of the game Kreia even kills the Jedi Masters you have been searching for (unless the PC killed them in a Dark Side run), causing unknown amounts of damage to the remaining Jedi Order. She encourages you to this same pragmatic view and acts and thinks that you became stronger when you were cut off from the force. Despite this though (and some of the early 2000's game mechanics) the essential story of KOTOR 1 and 2 is that you either fall to the dark or ascend to the light. Neither makes a character more powerful lore wise (in game because of Force Storm and Life Drain the darkside is more powerful, but that is mechanics fighting narrative and also not that big a deal because while weaker force wave is still very good AoE damage). You single-handedly fight Darth Sion in KOTOR 2 until he accepts your philosophy or strength and gives up, you with just one other Jedi and the Mandalor (this was before the title became Mand'alor) fight Darth Nihilus who consumes planets for fun, and by yourself wade through a sith base killing well over a dozen lesser sith lords, several dozen sith assassins and Darth Traya who get this - Is KREIA! WHO SHE HAS BEEN THE WHOLE TIME! And you know what at 10 years old when I first played this I wasn't surprised, BECAUSE SHE ADMITS IT TO YOU!

In the end her philosophy isn't even that you can walk between dark and light (she even admits to having fallen) but rather that you (as in your character) should destroy the force, that the wound that causes you such pain should expand until ALL THE FORCE IS GONE because she thinks that would better than having the force there because she thinks it 'enslaves' people against their will. BUT EVERY ASPECT OF THE GAME DISAGREES WITH HER. You and your companions gain levels by getting stronger with the force, you become a beacon to people around you if you ascend to the light side, and you can do so much to help because you have the force. Yes it is possible to beat the game without it, but so much of what makes the story work is this juxtaposition between what evidence tells you (that the dark side makes things worse, that working together allows people to become the best of who they could be and do so much good, that in the end it doesn't take being the most powerful - explicitly you aren't as strong as Revan and for most of the game even as strong as you once were, but that good people standing up and helping is all that is needed for good to actually triumph) and the philosophy of the main antagonists.

TLDR: In an unhinged way even the prototypical "Gray Jedi" are actually either light or dark just with different philosophies that influence how they interact with you as a person. The idea of the gray jedi falls apart if you loot at the text, and subtext of what happens in Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic and Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords. While there are items that talk about Gray Jedi in there you never meet any who does not fall into the dark or ascend to the light, and any actual 'gray jedi' ability is just a game mechanic to allow players to play how they want.

TLDR of the TLDR: Gray Jedi are not supported even by the parts of Legends that seem to at first glance support them the most.

I don’t think some people realize why the gray jedi thing pisses some of us off so badly.

Imagine you like lord of the rings and you decide to look around the fandom.

And it turns out that 10+ or something years ago someone wrote a piece of fanfiction where they rewrote the rules for the ring. So instead of it only having one master and corrupting everyone else that tried to use it, it sometimes chooses to take a new master if it feels the person is worthy of it. And therefore this author’s self-insert OC can now use the one ring in all its glory without getting turned crazy.

This fanfic gets published (as some fanfics do) and most of the fandom has read it and loves it.

Now, when you (someone who has only dealt with canon works written by Tolkien) see this fic you go… huh. That’s nice, but it goes against the very point of the books and the lore tolkien created. So while it’s a good fic I’m not going to interact with it.

But then people keep harassing you for taking about/ writing the one ring the way tolkien wrote it to begin with.

And they SWEAR that this is the Actual lore of the one ring, and that YOU are wrong. Which is completely insane to you, because FRODE TOOK IT TO MORDOR FOR A REASON. There is only one lord of the ring!! That’s literally the name of the series that’s what it’s about!! If what the fandom was insisting about was possible, there would be no plot. In the original books.

This is why we are so upset over gray jedi!! Bc if it was possible to use the dark side but still be a good guy then wtf is wrong with Anakin? Why the fuck did Darth Vader fall to the dark side? Why did Luke struggle so much? If you can have your cake and eat it too why are the movies so fuckin long?? Why did Luke fail against Vader in Empire? what lesson did he learn in Return? Why would the movie be called Return of the Jedi if Luke had not learned the Jedi ways????

You can write OC’s as gray jedi all you want but when you start forcing it into canon it literally ruins the movies!

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sovonight · 4 years ago

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unspoken | soulmate au

✧ — ✧

"Atton. Atton Rand," says the man in the force cage. Something about the name resonates with her, but only in the hazy, distant way that reaching out to the Force once more had. "I'd shake your hand, but--"

"Do we know each other?" Cela asks, peering through the shifting barrier of the cage between them with a frown. His face is that of a stranger, she's sure, but his name--his name just sounds... important.

"I'm flattered," Atton says, and only now does she realize she'd murmured her thoughts aloud. "Now, can you tell that to the guys in charge? Maybe that’ll get them to let me out."

✧ — ✧

With an energy shield in her hands, and Atton's voice in her ear, she remembers who he is.

"Got all that, Jedi?" Atton says over the comm, ignorant of the realization that has washed over her and frozen her to the spot. "...Jedi?"

"Y-yes," Cela says, breaking free of her thoughts, and back into life. "Yes, I have it."

"Good. You're going to need it if you're going to get us out of here alive," he says. "Somehow."

She should have realized it earlier. She's traced the name upon her heart countless times, let the words echo within her mind as she wondered when, and how, and who. She can't believe that it had slipped from her memory when they had met; the sedatives must have made her mind more sluggish than she thought.

Cela activates the comm to speak--but hesitates in its ambient crackle. She's found him, but this is not the time or place; she needs to stay focused, as does he.

"Your comm stuck?" He asks. "Or just testing the buttons?"

Though he jests, Atton clearly sounds tense, and she shakes her head free of lingering, sentimental thoughts.

"It's nothing," she says. But, unable to resist, she signs off with, "Cela Pace, out."

✧ — ✧

Back in the communications hub, all Atton catches is, "It's no--th--. C--- ---ce, out."

“Jedi?” He asks. No response, but the display shows she’s started moving again--she’s fine.

"Peragus equipment," he grouses, when the static of the terminal has died back down. "Must be the interference."

✧ — ✧

With Peragus behind them, and Telos ahead, Cela finds herself alone with Atton once more. She's given him her name--he must know who she is--and yet he appears so unfazed, as though her existence does not mean much to him at all.

She's not sure what to say.

"Are we on course?" Cela asks.

"Yeah," Atton says. "If you want, you can check that map back there, see where we are."

The words are recited and dismissive, like he's flown for many an impatient passenger before. She's not making a very good impression.

As she stands there longer still, unwilling to just leave him but unsure how to act, Atton turns in his seat with a puzzled glance back.

"Something up?" Atton asks. "It's still a while to Telos--you might as well get some rest. I would."

Yes--he must be tired, and here she is, waiting like some hopeful, idealistic padawan, for him to be glad to have found her. Gathering what energy she has left, she manages a smile.

"Of course," Cela says. Her smile wavers, but lucky for her, he has already turned away.

✧ — ✧

She carries trouble everywhere she goes, these days. After a glance to make sure Kreia has stepped safely out of her deactivated force cage, and helping Bao-Dur exit his, she turns finally to Atton.

"Are you alright?" Cela asks. She extends a hand to him, which he ignores, preferring to pick himself off the floor of the cage alone. He almost stumbles a little as he steps out, and on reflex, she tries to catch him.

"Woah! I'm fine," Atton says. His hands are up, almost defensive--though after a look at her face, he relaxes with a huff. "Just a little on edge from the ambush."

He doesn't look fine. He looks disoriented, and troubled, beyond that. But it's more than she can voice, especially after the way he'd taken that hasty step back to dodge her, as though her touch were poisonous.

"How did things go with the Jedi here?" Atton asks. "Are you all done?"

"Yes. We have to leave, immediately."

"Things went that well, huh?" He says. "You make friends wherever you go, don't you?"

It's not like this, usually. But then again, she's been alone for a long time. If she thinks back... yes, when she had her friends, she had her rivals, too. When she acts, she meets opposition--and when she approaches her soulmate, she finds disinterest. Leave it to her to have always been so consistent.

"Well, nothing like a steady stream of people who hate us or want to kill us to keep the heart pumping," Atton says.

"You can go," Cela finds herself saying, against the tightness in her throat. The wound in her heart aches, but she is used to it now, and cannot see the point of trying to lessen the pain much more. "You've done enough, Atton. If you want, you can go."

In the background, Kreia shifts, and Atton puts on a silly grin.

"Nah. I was just complaining," Atton says. He chuckles, giving her the warmest look she has ever seen from him; basking in it feels like the warm sunlight of her childhood, from hazy memories of a family she was instructed to forget.

"Really?" Cela says, faint. If she had had her doubts before, they are gone now: he is the one meant for her.

"Yeah," he says. "I'm with you until things start going better for you."

Her sunlight shatters.

"We need to stick together, you know?" Atton continues, oblivious, as the cold promise of that one word, until, echoes and drowns the rest of her hope out. "And who knows... I might be able to help you out of a tight spot at some point."

She doesn't know what she expected. She turns from him, ignoring the confused look he gives her when she dismisses him so abruptly.

"Thanks," says Cela, hollow. "Let's go."

✧ — ✧

"You're laughing at me?" Atton says indignantly, throwing his words at the smug T3 unit shaking with simulated laughter before him. "I'll put you on the scrap heap, you walking tin can!"

The droid trundles away. Atton crosses his arms with a huff, leaning back against the jamb between the hold and the hallway.

"Fine, I don't need your answer," Atton cedes at length, as Bao-Dur shows no signs of looking up from his work. "Just tell me one thing?"

Bao-Dur sighs, long-suffering.

"What is it?"

Atton hesitates, playing back the way they'd left things at the academy. Before their capture, his Jedi had been doing fine, but after it, she'd just gone cold. He recognizes the sharp cut of her emotion then, the same way he remembers the name of the one destined for him, faded to a dead gray at the pulse point on his wrist.

"Her soulmate," Atton says. "Do you know if..."

"If you're asking that, you're more serious than I thought," Bao-Dur says. "But no, I don't know. How would I?"

"You're right," says Atton distantly, as Bao-Dur returns to work. "...I'm just a little out of it, today."

✧ — ✧

I'm as Atton as Atton will ever be.

As deep and as dark as his other secrets were, this--the most innocent--is the one she cannot shake. She supposes she's overestimated herself, hearing so many confessions from him in so little time. She finds herself, once again, tired: of remembering, of knowing, of being.

She takes a breath. One piece of the puzzle at a time, she thinks. Her hand comes to her heart, but rather than linger there wistfully as it had in years past, she finds herself gripping the cloth of her robes tight within her fist.

How foolish she was, to have held his name in her heart for so long. To have held hope past the answer every record and roster had shown her: that no living Atton Rand exists.

To find that he is an invention--to find that he has hunted Jedi--

No, not yet.

To find that he must utterly, truly hate her.

Yes, there is the first point on her list. To mourn, the way she had not let herself after Telos. The rest of his secrets, and his request, can wait.

✧ — ✧

She trains him. She can do nothing but.

"All right," says Atton, picking up the lightsaber she has lent him once more. "But I tell you, I think you're carrying this teacher thing too far."

"You address me as Jedi, I will treat you as such," Cela says. "If you want to be more familiar, call me by my name."

"No need for that," Atton says quickly, just a little too fast compared to his earlier words. If she didn't know better, she'd say he looked a little sheepish--embarrassed, even. "I'll take whatever you've got."

So would she, she's found. Despite the promise she'd tried to make herself--that outside of combat, outside of training, they were to be little more than strangers--she keeps letting Atton back in.

Though he doesn't love her, he feels bound by his debt not to leave her; this is a motivation that she can understand. If she could be heartless, she would push him to leave--but for once, selfishness and selflessness align themselves together, and she can only let him stay.

She directs him, imparting on an old technique, one she knows he'll find useful. Inside, silently, she both dreads and anticipates the promise of his “until”.

✧ — ✧

"Because you'll be right here with me, playing pazaak, where they can't reach you."

She hates the way her voice sticks in her throat, unable to say anything as he deals their next game. She watches the cards emerge between them, placed one by one by Atton's steady hand, until the colors of their hands blur as the sight of the world wobbles before her eyes.

"Your move, Jedi," she hears him say. Then, "Jedi?"

"Say my name," Cela says. She cannot even face him now, too scared to blink. "Please, say it, just once. I need to hear it from you."

Perhaps, if Atton says it now, she can live off this memory for the rest of her life. It is as Kreia says: events are drawing her to their center. Soon, he will part ways with her, and she will know him no more.

"Uh, Jedi, I..."

"Do you hate me so much that you've struck my name from your heart?" Sadness turns to anger; Cela lets herself feel it. "You must know it, or I am truly unfortunate. You must, or the Force has taken its revenge for Malachor on me from the moment I was born."

"I really don't--" Atton stops short, panic filling his eyes when he sees the look on her face. "Don't, don't cry. What did I do? What should I do to fix it?"

"Acknowledge your soulmate."

Atton looks thoroughly confused now, beyond anything he could fake.

"My--My soulmate? She has nothing to do with anything, anymore. She died, before I even got to meet her." He hesitates for only a second, and adds, "Like yours did."

"Like mine?" Cela says. Her tears have fallen, cool on her cheek, but the emotion that had summoned them has vanished. "My soulmate is alive. As is yours."

Atton gives a sharp little laugh, paired with a bitter smile.

"No, I remember it well. I remember, she died with..." His expression slackens, as the realization dawns on him. "...With Malachor V."

His eyes meet hers. And here, at last, Atton says her name, with more breathless reverence than she could ever have imagined--not as a child, missing the warmth of home; as a padawan, collecting her dreams for the future; as an exile, hoping beyond hope that her soulmate would accept all that she is, and all that she has done. He says her name, and he holds her face in his hands, looking upon her, at last, as something precious.

"Cela," he says. "Cela Pace. Why didn't you tell me?"

No--she's not going to let him place this whole mishap on her. She flips the question back to him.

"We have traveled together for so long, now," Cela says. "The others, they might not use my name, but they know it. Why didn't you?"

"I... I don't know. I never caught it," Atton says, "And you never said it. By the time I thought I'd just ask you for it, you seemed to hate me--I didn't want to ruin my chances."

"...But I did say it," Cela says. "On Peragus, in the mining tunnels."

Atton smacks his face with his hand. "That damn interference!"

A laugh escapes her, light and breathless, because after the range of emotion she’s experienced, joy might as well be the one that comes next.

She pulls his hand from his face; he lets her, and then their gazes linger. She hasn’t allowed herself to truly look at him since she first thought she’d received his rejection, and she’d never known the neutral gray of his eyes could appear so warm.

"Can I see it?"

In the silence of Atton’s puzzled expression, Cela realizes the words had been her own. She stumbles, dropping her gaze from his, and finishes, "My name... where it's written."

"You have it," Atton says. His hand is still in her grasp; he turns his palm up. "It's under the leather."

She takes hold of the edges of his glove, to pull it gently off.

"Let me do it," Atton says, as he watches her move so carefully. In one movement, he tugs the glove away; his head is ducked, as though to focus on the action, but the tips of his ears are pink. "You don’t have to be so gentle. It's not like I’m--well. Here."

There, on his bare wrist, lies her name. He returns it to her, and she runs a fingertip over the text, so similar to her own. Sure enough, her name is dead-- but she is more captivated by how it is real.

Atton rubs the back of his neck with his free hand, embarrassed.

"Don't tell me you believe what they say about the locations of these things," Atton says.

"What?" She's never heard of this before. "What do they say?"

"For me, they'd say some nonsense about how I'd do anything for you, and--well, you know." Always one to shift the subject away from himself, Atton lifts his gaze to hers. "Can I see it, too--my name?"

"Ye--no," Cela amends quickly, once she realizes what that would entail.

"No?" Echoes Atton, obviously disappointed. Then he sees where her hand lays, over her chest. "Oh."

"Your name is upon my heart," Cela says, apparently nervous enough as to say something so obvious. Atton just nods, face pinker than she remembers it, and she asks, "What... what would they say about that?"

"J-just--uh, something about how you love," he says, conveniently skipping over what it is, although it’s clear that despite himself he’s touched. "That's all it is, really. Endless ways of describing love. That's what makes it so meaningless. I mean, ultimately they're just trying to spot patterns out of data that's all just random to begin with."

"I see," Cela says, amused by watching him ramble along. She smiles. "You have much more to say about soulmate marks than I would've thought."

Atton merely shrugs.

"Just stuff I heard, a long time ago. Kids are sneaky little things, you know--they absorb a lot more than you might think,” Atton says. He continues, a little distant, “But then you grow up, and you realize there’s no point in thinking about soulmates anymore. It's a big galaxy. The chances are slim."

He closes his gloveless hand, pressing the underside of his wrist against his thigh to hide it; Atton seems to take the action without really registering it, no longer meeting her eye.

“I never looked for you,” Atton says. “Not once. Even after Malachor, when I realized I missed my chance, I never made the effort to find out who you could’ve been.”

With a forced laugh, Atton gives her a weak smile. “Who knew you had been so close? Do you think I could’ve run up to you, back then? Would you have taken me?”

“I don’t know. You weren’t Atton then--though I’m sure I would’ve given you a chance,” Cela says, with a teasing smile. Atton, surprisingly, does not tease her back.

“Not Atton?” He says. “Then--is that how I’m written? Atton Rand?”

“Of course. I have never known you by another name.”

Atton’s lips take on an uncertain curve; he looks like he needs to be convinced. Cela grasps the edge of the wrap of her inner robes, wondering if this weren't a moment in which modesty should be brushed aside, but before she pulls it so much as a centimeter, Atton stops her with a word.

“No need. I believe you--I was just surprised.” To himself, she hears him add, “I don’t think you know how you look to me right now.”

“How is that?” Cela asks. Atton’s resulting expression clearly says he hadn’t expected her to hear that.

“You know those... Well, you know...” Atton strings her along in suspense until he finally relents, “In those “forbidden Jedi” love stories--”

“In what?!” Cela says, barely able to contain her surprise, as Atton splutters, “Don’t laugh!”

“And don’t ask,” Atton continues, very seriously. “It used to be a popular genre, it’s not like I could’ve escaped it if I wanted to.”

“Of course not,” Cela reassures. Then, “So I am your forbidden Jedi.”

“Don’t start,” Atton groans.

“Am I meant to pull you close even as my words push you away?”

“Cela, come on--”

“Atton,” she says at last, all mirth in her voice lost, “...Say my name again.”

Atton looks at her, abandoning the defensive posture he’d adopted to endure her teasing. “Just your name?”

“I have been “the Jedi” to you for so long. I wish to be myself.”

“Cela,” Atton says, more warmly and more familiar than he had the first time. She wraps it up and stores it away in her heart, used to keeping memories as though they are numbered, but he’s not done. “Is that what you thought?”

He reaches out to her, taking her hand; she can see, upon the curve of his wrist, the glimpse of her name once more.

“You haven’t been just “the Jedi” to me since the moment I loved you.”

“You love me?” Cela says faintly, barely able to believe her ears.

“From the moment I first saw you.”

She feels close to crying again. She had been practical, when they resolved their misunderstanding--she had thought she would ask nothing of him, give him time, and simply hope quietly that one day their feelings would align.

“Not again,” Atton jokes, though his voice trembles, as though he’s feeling close to crying himself. “I won’t know what to do.”

“It’s alright,“ she says, closing the distance between them. “I do.”

#sovo writes #cela pace #atton x exile #soulmate au #soulmate au take 3 let's goooooo

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allronix · 4 years ago

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So I'd like to ask what makes you think that Kreia has a point with her philosophy? Because imho she's wrong already at the beginning point "well the Force has a WILL and I hate it" that to me sums up as her putting all the blame of everything that happened to her, ever, onto the Force because that's convenient. And out-of-universe also because it's a very westernized view of a clearly eastern concept - for me KOTOR2 view on the Force therefore doesn't add up with what the movies or TCW said.

The first KOTOR came out in 2003, not too far after the Attack of the Clones. And Attack of the Clones did not portray the Jedi with a whole lot of sympathy. As I’ve snarked before, when you have an army of ten year old slaves and teenaged commanders, both indoctrinated from the cradle to fight? Yeah, it’s mighty hard to call them “good guys.” The best you can say is that they’re fighting the worse guys.

Avellone did a lot of research into Star Wars and took notes on what bothered him. He compiled all those notes (and his philosophy degree) into the walking deconstruction fleet that is Kreia. And my opinion on Kreia, to paraphrase Big Lebowski, “You aren’t wrong, you’re just an asshole.” Other writers, like David Brin, have pointed out similar issues with the universe setup.

Through the Star Wars canon - films, the old EU, Mouse Wars - there’s this endless, cyclical conflict. There’s this divine “Force” that empowers a handful of people with demigod level power. And these handful of demigod space wizards start arguing about how they should go about using their divine powers and go to war, dragging everyone else into their bullshit. The Force Wars of Tython, the Legions of Lettow, the Great Hyperspace War, the Jedi Civil War, the Great Galactic War, the New Sith Wars...Brin caustically described the OT as not a struggle between freedom and tyranny, but a GoT style “which branch of this divinely touched royal family to support?” Sith kill Jedi, Jedi kill Sith, one side is reduced to a handful of survivors, the survivors rally and take revenge, reducing the other side to a handful of survivors. And this garbage happens over and over and over again, with dozen-digit death toll each time.

And here’s the Force, merrily playing both sides of the conflict, empowering the Sith as much as the Jedi. Palpatine and Yoda were both tapping into it. The more these demigods pull on the Force, the more it seemed to be pulling on them. And the Force pushes all these little coincidences here and there to make sure things go the way it wants, up to an including the fact that it makes sure that those it empowers don’t have any inconvenient “attachments” like friends or family that could compete with their devotion to waging war in its name (look at what happens to any unfortunate muggle who gets too close to a Jedi or Sith). The Jedi submit to the Force, the Sith lose their minds and are controlled by the Force, but the Force is still calling the shots, even as trillions of lives are lost in these pointless religious wars.

None of this makes sense with Word of Lucas that the Light Side is the only real side and the Dark Side is some corruption. In practice, that idea seems more a “what the Jedi want to be true” versus how it actually works. If anything, the Dark Side seems to be the default, given the degree of repression and control and constant battle the Jedi have to do to keep it contained. It also makes sense that the Force doesn’t WANT either side to win. A view of it as a bloodthirsty, jealous entity who empowers a small handful and stokes the fires of conflict in order to keep feeding on the blood? It makes a terrifying amount of sense.

And if you have some object that empowers a few at the cost of the many, distorts the minds of those who do have it, and those that do have it are tearing up the galaxy in its name over and over again...well, there’s a good argument for destroying the thing that seems to be causing and encouraging the conflict so that everyone can be free of its influence.

#star wars #the-revanchist #Kreia #KOTOR

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dalekofchaos · 5 years ago

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Why making Leia a Jedi in TROS has done more to hurt Leia as a character and make Leia at fault for everything in the Sequel Trilogy

I rewatched the entire saga and forced myself to watch TROS and once again, I noticed that it was incredibly stupid to suddenly make Leia a Jedi in this movie, but also realized that by making Leia a Jedi, this makes everything in this trilogy her fault. I always recognized that Leia is force sensitive and Bloodline confirmed it, but she is not a trained Jedi in canon prior to TROS. She chose her family and politics over becoming a Jedi(also conveniently she chose politics over her family too) but for some reason, JJ and Terrio wanted to make her a Jedi, even though it went against the canon of Bloodline and just made her inaction against Snokeatine pretty much responsible for her son’s fall. Leia showed Apathy at everything and only took action when it was too late. And as Kreia once said “Apathy is death. Worse than death, because at least a rotting corpse feeds the beasts and insects.” But if you don’t see it yourself, let’s look at Leia’s actions during the Sequel Trilogy

Leia is trained as a Jedi, but doesn’t complete her training because she foresaw her son’s death

If Leia completed her training, both Luke and Leia could’ve found the Wayfinders together and found Exegol and killed Palpatine together and killed The First/Final Orders in the crib

Is shunned by The New Republic for being Vader’s daughter….even though it doesn’t matter who your birth parents are, what matters is who raised her and how she was brought up

Sends her son to her brother….even though she is at least capable of teaching her son herself and at least let Ben know that she will always be there for him and her love could’ve saved her son, ya know something that could’ve PREVENTED HER SON’S FALL!

Does not confront Snoke despite Snoke being a constant presence in her son’s life

Leads a failing fledgling Resistance instead of leading The New Republic as Chancellor, while Han leads her army(lololol I hate this fucking trilogy)

Breaks up with Han and Han goes back to smuggling instead of leading the Resistance as Leia’s partner or, ya know LOOKING FOR THEIR SON TOGETHER!!!!(CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, WHAT’S THAT????)

Searches for a map to find Luke when she’s just as capable as her brother. Why did they even need Luke if she was apparently meant to be the last jedi?

Sends Han to his death to confront their son instead of doing it herself or confronting him together. I stand by my belief that if Han and Leia went together, they could’ve brought their son home together

If she’s apparently trained as a Jedi, then why did she not use Battle Meditation during the Battle Of Starkiller Base? That really could’ve prevented death in The Resistance.

Sits around doing nothing while her husband dies

Sends Rey to get Luke instead of dragging his moping ass herself. The Leia I knew would’ve slapped some sense into her brother and together they would bring her son back home

Slaps Poe for doing things Luke, Han and herself would’ve done in the Galactic Civil War and then stunning him later for not blindly obeying an incompetent commanding officer "You based the survival of the Resistance on bad odds and put us all at risk?“ didn’t you do the same thing by not telling your now second in command about using the escape pods? This whole ordeal could’ve been avoided with basic communication skills.

Doesn’t use the force to use Battle Meditation to ensure the safety of The Resistance during the Evacuation of D’Qar and ensuring a successful bombing run without any casualties

Even though she senses him, Leia still does not talk to her only son

Doesn’t use the force to send the TIE’s missiles back at them

Leaves Ackbar to die in space while she floats to safety

Her one moment in this trilogy is a fucking meme

Is in a coma 90% of the second half of this trilogy

Doesn’t use the force to move rocks "lol what are you looking at me for?”

Let’s Luke confront her own son, something she should’ve done numerous of times

Constantly chooses a complete stranger over her own son

This is more about Carrie than Leia, but DLF promised Carrie’s family they wouldn’t use CGI, but they did it anyway

Teaches Rey when she could’ve done this from the beginning…again she could’ve prevented her son’s fall, but didn’t want to take responsibility

She gave up her life force to bring her son back, but Rey nearly killed him. Leia had no idea Rey would’ve force healed him, had she left Ben there to die, Leia’s death would’ve been ultimately meaningless

Dies to save her son. But unlike Vader’s sacrifice to save Luke, it was ultimately meaningless in the end because Ben still died. Why is a father’s love to save his son successful, beloved and meaningful, but a mother’s love and sacrifice to save her son a failure and ultimately meaningless? Anakin, the father’s sacrifice resulted in saving his son. Leia, the mother’s sacrifice for her son, then dies. Regardless of her sacrifice. Why is Anakin’s sacrifice rewarded, but Leia’s isn’t?

She is one of the force ghosts that saves Rey, but apparently her giving up being a Jedi to prevent her son’s death, no longer has any meaning as she doesn’t even bother to try and prevent her son’s death

Her son’s death doesn’t matter, because apparently all she needed was to replace him with Palpatine’s granddaughter and apparently Rey taking the Skywalker name is more satisfying than seeing her own son alive, I’m so glad Han, Luke and Leia died for nothing 🙄

Noticing a pattern? If Leia were supposedly a Jedi, she could’ve accomplished everything without Luke. She could’ve trained her own son and stayed by his side until he could control the force and his own inner darkness. She could’ve confronted Snoke by her own damn self. She could’ve been the hope The Resistance and the galaxy needed. She could’ve confronted her son with Han, thus the mother and father saving their son. She could’ve trained Rey on her own. In her training of Rey, she could’ve explained to Rey that Ben wasn’t always bad and told her what the real Ben was like and in turn this would’ve helped Rey and Ben’s relationship and actually show that Rey wants to bring him home. Leia could’ve confronted her son on Crait, admit her mistakes "Your father loved you to the very end. We were so caught up with our work we couldn't be with you as much as we would have wanted, as much as you needed. And sending you away with your uncle, when you needed us the most, was the biggest mistake of our lives. I'm sorry." something along those lines. All she had to do was actually TALK TO HER SON!!!! And hell, if she had completed her training, both Luke and Leia could’ve found Exegol and end Palpatine once and for all.

All that making Leia a Jedi in TROS did was make everything Leia’s fault in the Sequel Trilogy. Leia did not want to take responsibility for her own son or even the galaxy she supposedly wanted to protect. Rian might have taken Leia out for 90% of TLJ, but JJ Abrams made her a selfish self-righteous asshole who expected Han, Luke and Rey do the work she should have done her damn self.

#Anti TROS #Anti JJ Abrams #Leia Organa #Ben Solo #Reylo

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torilaa · 2 years ago

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Huh now you have me thinking about what Kreia would actually do. Maybe as a Jedi she would pull the lever (she did join Revan and she did say apathy is death later….though that was in the Exile’s mind so idk). As a Sith, she’d be like that kid in that meme video and use the trolley to kill everyone there. But then, once she failed as both Sith and Jedi, she would start to see the trolley (the Force) as the problem. She would come to that conclusion and find faults with both solutions.

So it’s more like…Kreia wouldn’t have the decision at all but she would be there next to you. She would make you question either pulling the lever or doing nothing and drive you absolutely insane. Then, later, she would proclaim the trolley should be destroyed before it kills anyone while knowing there are a bunch of people on there that may or may not die as a result. Oh and the debris could kill everyone else around there making the decision to destroy the train possibly the most insane solution. Which…yes that would be Kreia alright xD

Thanks for giving me more kotor thoughts ;)

Kotor thoughts of the day: Revan’s perspective on the Mandalorian War v. the Jedi Council’s perspective is the trolley problem on a greater scale or utilitarianism v. deontology. If Revan (and by extension Kreia) were given the choice, they would pull the lever to divert the train and save five but kill one. The Jedi Council, on the other hand, would see pulling the lever as an act of murder and would rather let nature take its course and have the five on the track die. Whether you prescribe to the utilitarian or deontological point of view I honestly can find sympathy for both sides—both Revan and the Jedi had hard decisions to make. Though, ironically, the Jedi Council in kotor gradually became more utilitarian as they began losing the war—they saved Revan, then brainwashed them, in order to save the many. I think the lesson here is that war fucking sucks ass.

#kotor #kreia #Revan

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wispythreads · 5 years ago

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Yeah it’s me again sorry I’m not done, the Jedi Order’s turn now.

It was hard for me to understand as a kid, but boy howdy no wonder the Jedi have fallen. They do a ton of messed up stuff, ignore the world universe around them when they could easily help out and actively make it a better place, and when people fall and suffer based off of their teachings they place all of their blame solely upon the student and other outside factors. It can’t possibly be their fault in any way, they’re the good guys! They follow and adhere strictly to the Jedi teachings, they’re on the path of the Light!

They actively ignored the suffering that was occurring to innocent civilians during the Mandalorian War in order to take the time to meditate on the issue and come to a conclusion as to whether or not they should help out.

They basically kidnap force-sensitives at a young age and separate them from any and all contact with their family, indoctrinating the child to their teachings and making it so the child grows up whole-heartedly believing in it all, with no desire to attempt to reconnect with their family once they have the freedom to do so out of fear that attachments lead to the dark side.

They convinced Juhani that she had killed Quatra when she struck out in anger, and when that caused her to spiral towards the dark-side and she sought isolation in a place that brought her comfort, they decide that the best way to fix the problem is to send another new jedi (who surprise isn’t actually a new jedi at all and probably just a few weeks ago was a very powerful Sith Lord described as the Heart of the Force) to go ‘investigate’ the darkness that was causing problems to the surrounding area, actively refusing to divulge any useful background information that should’ve been addressed beforehand, perhaps while holding the full expectation that Juhani will be killed. And her master, who could’ve done literally anything to fix this, had decided that her job was done, that she had done all she could for Juhani, and had fully left in order to go train other padawan.

That on its own is awful, but you know what they did in the second game? They nearly convinced me that I had secretly been a horrible person the whole time without even realizing it, that they had always been right in their decisions, and that their final decision before Kreia intervened was some tragic thing that they had to do for the good of the galaxy. I literally spent several days with that mock trial heavily present in my mind as I waited for the next opportunity to play, somewhat depressed at the revelation that I had unconsciously manipulated the wills of my friends to suit my needs and had never really reconnected to the Force after all, had always just been feeding off of it from other people, before I was in the middle of a chore and literally had this epiphany-like thought pop into my head.

“Wait a minute, those bonds they were talking about... those are normal. Those are bonds people naturally form with each other, not some strange, unknowable power the Exile has that allows her to subconsciously yet heinously manipulate the wills of people around her. The bonds the Exile was able to form with so many people, the ones the Jedi usually only saw between Padawan and Master, was not some unique and mysterious ability of the Exile, it’s something human about the Exile. They've all cut themselves off from having deep, interpersonal relationships with other people for so long, that they've completely forgotten what such connections are like for both parties, and I got so wrapped up with the actual weird, actually unknowable and strange Force bond that was forced between Kreia and the Exile that I almost actually bought into what they were saying, I nearly believed that they were right, that I was some kind of monster and hadn't even known it. Holy shit. I fucking hate the Jedi.”

And they do this all the time! They do it so much it’s scary and awful and really, really not okay! They did it to Juhani, they did it to Zayne Carrick, they did it to the Exile (and by extension, me, which really messed me up when I realized it), and probably a lot of other people I’m forgetting/haven’t learned about yet (I haven’t been keeping up with the Clone Wars but from the slight spoilers I’ve seen I’m guessing something happens to Ahsoka where they kind of do this too?)! They twist things around so that these people who are honestly good and trying their best are the monsters that need to be defeated, and all the monstrous things that the Jedi are doing are actually necessary and good and you’re just not seeing it the right way. Just. Screw the Jedi Order.

#kotor #kotor II #knights of the old republic #star wars #star wars: knights of the old republic #bit of play experience #sort of

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absolxguardian · 5 years ago

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In Which I Hit the Concept of Force Dyads With a Hammer Until They Work (A canon complaint fix)

Here’s my canon complaint fix-it for one part of TROS- the Force Dyads and Kylo Ren’s redemption. This is a Watsonian explanation for that part of the film that should make canon more enjoyable for people with similar tastes in stories to me. This reinterpretation is anti-Bendemption, agrees with Kreia regarding the Cosmic Force (“I hate the Force, I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance when countless lives are lost”), and features tropes I’m a fan of. It accepts every detail canon has given us and uses them as a sandbox to (in my opinion) make a better version of the story. Except for the R/ylo kiss at the end. That’s just flat out ignored, since doing so doesn’t require a massive restructuring of the film. If this isn’t the kind of thing you’d like, then keep scrolling. As for everyone else, let’s begin.

Rather than structuring this post by following the film and jumping back to explain the changes, I’ve structured it in an order that introduces concepts as they build off each other until we get to the actual fixing.. I’d also like to thank my mom for assuming that the only way Kylo Ren could be “redeemed” was through possession and therefore planting the seed of this idea.

If there’s evidence for an idea, I’ll include it. Otherwise if I plainly state a new fact, it’s just my headcanon.

I. BALANCE

I think part of the reason why actually understanding the Force is hard, resulting in both fans and authors talking themselves into circles is that there are actually multiple forms of balance regarding the Force.

1. Natural Balance

“Breathe,” [Luke] said. “Just breathe. Now reach out with your feelings. What do you see?” [....] [Rey’s] first impression was life—life all around her. She could sense herself, and the Caretakers pottering about near the huts, but there was so much more than that. She felt the presence of flowers and grasses and shrubs. Birds and insects and fish, and creatures too tiny for the eye to see. Her awareness of all of it seemed to crowd her senses, plunging her into something so deep and intense that for a moment she thought she might drown in it, only to realize that was impossible, because she was a part of that life. But there was death, too—and decay. Dead flesh and vegetable matter, sinking into soil that hid bones and dry sticks from bygone seasons of the island. She shrank from this new awareness, but sensed almost immediately that there was nothing to fear. From the death and decay sprang new life, nourished by what had come before. She could feel the warmth of the suns—not just on her face but on the rocks and the surface of the ceaseless tumble of the water. And cold, too, which surrounded the dark places where the roots of the island and the seafloor were revealed as one and the same. There was peace—mother porgs with their eggs, sheltered and safe in warm hollows—but also violence that left behind broken nests and shattered shells. And all that her senses showed her had been but a moment. That moment was but one of trillions, part of a never-ending cycle that had begun eons before she was born and would go on for eons after she was dead. And it was itself part of something vastly larger, so enormous that her mind couldn’t grasp it, an immensity even the stars were but the tiniest portion of. -The Last Jedi Novelization

Natural balance is the Living Force is ecological balance. It’s the food chain properly aligned. It’s rotation cropping. It’s the cycles of life and death that exist on a planet. The cycles, that while they may result in short term destruction, are better for all life forms in the long run. It’s the connection between all living things, and the expression of the Living Force. It is also homeostasis, the balance inside us that we need to exist. The tested machine that most bodies are.

This isn’t a balance for sapient beings. There is nothing immoral about a predator who kills its prey. It is immoral to commit murder. The only reason the Empire disrupted this balance was because of their rampant exploitation and destruction of environments such as Lothal. It is an unforgiving balance, but the basis of all life.

Dume is an expression and protector of this balance. He wanted the Empire gone because that was the only way Lothal, and many other planets, could have their Natural Balance.

2. Personal Balance

“But you’re finding the balance, without even meaning to. You’re finding the place that’s level.” On the desk was a clear glass filled halfway with milk. [Maz] picked it up and showed it to him. “Do you see where the surface lies? If I tip the glass to the left, the surface tips high to the left and low to the right. And the reverse, when I tip it the other way. But if I hold it still—even if I swish it a little first, like this!—you watch, and it’ll…settle. It soon finds its level. Its balance. You’re doing the very same thing, though I’m sure you couldn’t explain it if I tried to force you.” [...] The room went white, and then it went black, and [Karr] fluttered his eyes trying to find the balance. He pictured the glass half full of milk. He imagined it sloshing around, back and forth, light to dark and back again. He thought of the surface, level and smooth. [...] Finding a place in the middle. Finding his balance. -Force Collector

This is the balance characters mean when they talk about finding your balance. It’s emotional balance, and balance between the Force and Not The Force. It’s the puesdo-zen thing. It’s what Jedi meditate to achieve.

It’s less of a balance between things, and more like the balance on a tightrope. Or the balance that Tiffany Aching must learn in the Discworld series to cast spells. Tiffany has to be balanced in the world and let magic flow through her without controlling it, just directing it. She must be like the fulcrum of a scale.

In the case of the Force, if you lose your balance you fall into the Dark Side- something I see as More Force. But if you are careful, you can play among the edges. The equivalent of going faster on the tightrope and using the disruption of the line. To continue this metaphor, the Jedi Order we see in the Republic is the equivalent of when you are so concerned about keeping balance that you don’t move down the tightrope itself.

It’s also the balance one needs in their personal life to remain healthy. These first two types of balance are also ones that find expression in our own world. When the Jedi give good psychological advice, like accepting what can’t be changed, considered thought about the greater good, and moving on from the dead- what they’re advocating promotes Personal Balance

3. Cosmic Balance

Kreia: “I hate the Force, I hate that it seems to have a will, that it would control us to achieve some measure of balance when countless lives are lost” -Knights of the Old Republic II: The Sith Lords

“Let’s say I do,” Rael answered. “Let’s say I believe that someday there’s going to be perfect balance in the Force, thanks to some kinda ‘Chosen One.’ Did you ever really think about what that would mean, Qui-Gon? It would mean the darkness would be just as strong as the light. So it doesn’t matter what we do, because in the end, hey, it’s a tie! It doesn’t matter which side we choose.” -Master and Apprentice

I’m not considering Rael as a reliable narrator, but his speech expresses a common idea a lot of fans have regarding balance in the Force, so it seemed like a good opener. While Kreia’s famous line is basically the philosophy that I’m following here.

When characters talk about “bringing balance to the Force”, they’re talking about Cosmic Balance. So how am I defining it? There are two scenarios that bring about balance- when neither a dark side or a light side organization controls the galaxy or when a dark side and a light side organization are of similar power levels. So during the prequel era? Force is unbalanced. It’s too stagnant. During the reign of the Empire? Likewise unbalanced. The number of light and dark side users may be roughly similar, but the Sith control the galactic government while hunting the Jedi. Between the OT and the ST? Actually balanced. No Force order exerts a large amount of influence on the galaxy. Something like the setting for Star Wars The Old Republic where both the Sith and Jedi have their own powerful states? Also balanced.

So why? Well I haven’t entirely decided on a reason. This definition of balance comes from the Cosmic Force, which while not evil, isn’t good either. It has some purpose beyond the understanding mortals. But that’s the cosmic dance that the galaxy keeps getting thrown into without concern for any kind of morality. It’s just it’s nature. The nature of an eldritch being. That’s the will of the Force. It seems fitting that not even me, the author, knows why that is its nature.

II. THE CHOSEN ONE PROPHECY “A Chosen One shall come, born of no father, and through him will ultimate balance in the Force be restored.” -An ancient Jedi prophecy (Master and Apprentice)

The Father, to Anakin: “And now you see who you truly are. Only the Chosen One could tame both of my children.” -The Clone Wars (S3E15 Overlords)

This is what we know of the Chosen One prophecy. There have been different readings of it, but I think now that we have the actual text of the prophecy and the fact that Anakin was able to control both of the Ones, it has to be him.

So how does he do so? Well during the PT there are two seperate conflicts from which balance can come from. The first is the conflict between the Ones, pure unadulterated expressions of the Force (more on that later). And then the galactic conflict, on a less reality shattering scale.

Anakin brings balance to both of those conflicts through destruction. By the end of the Mortis arc, all of the Ones are dead- with Ahsoka carrying the spirit of The Daughter. And he eventually balances the galactic conflict by creating a scenario with both a diminished Sith and Jedi order.

As part of the fact that the Cosmic Force is so far removed from us, it doesn’t care about how the galaxy is actually being ruled. If the Empire wasn’t led by dark side users, then there would still be Cosmic Balance.

Shortly after Vader yeets Palpatine, the Cosmic Force falls “asleep.” This has to happen after the party on Endor, because Force Ghosts are expressions of the Cosmic Force (that’s why you shouldn’t trust them), so it obviously isn’t a binary flicking of a switch.

That aspect of the Force—the Jedi had called it the living Force—was ceaseless and ever-renewing. But the Jedi had spoken of another aspect—the Cosmic Force. It had an awareness, and a purpose, and a will. A will that had been silent, dormant after the demise of the Sith, only to wake once again during Luke’s exile. A will that Luke finally allowed himself to acknowledge once again. -The Last Jedi Novelization

So achieving balance through destruction of the expression of both the Light and the Dark wipes the slate clean to begin again. This current story- this current cycle, is over. The Chosen One prophecy has been fulfilled, and so now the Cosmic Force must slumber until the stage is once again set.

IV. THE ONES

The Father: “You cannot imagine what it is to have such love for your children, and realize they could tear the very fabric of the universe. [...] A family in balance, the light and the dark. Day with night. Destruction replaced by creation. [...] Too much dark or light would be the undoing of life as you understand it.” -The Clone Wars (S3E15 Overlords)

But before we can move onto the last cycle, I need to expand on the Ones. The Son and The Daughter are pure expressions of the Force- all of it: Cosmic, Living, and in between. Their conflict also expresses Personal Balance on an external stage. They leave such big imprints in the Force that they can disrupt the Personal and Natural Balances of the galaxy itself, which is The Father’s worry.

They are also somehow related to time and The World Between Worlds. Since they’re part of the Cosmic Force, which is partially time neutral (From a Certain Point of View stories Master and Apprentice and Time of Death), that makes sense.

Sometimes they go dormant and exist purely in the Cosmic Force. Other times they embody themselves inside mortal beings. What we see in the Mortis arc is when they embody themselves in the physical world without a mortal shell. That is when they’re at the most powerful. When they are in equally matched conflict, Cosmic Balance is achieved.

The Father was once a Chosen One. When he was mortal, the Son and Daughter battled openly in the physical world, leaving destruction in their wake. As the Chosen One, he could control them. By fully embracing his full potential, he became a Force-God, but one whose power could wane and wouldn’t be reborn in the same way as his metaphorical children. That’s how he can say he’s dying in the Mortis arc. He exiled the three of them to Mortis, so the children could carry out their conflict separate from the galaxy and stay in balance.

He’s what Anakin could have become if he remained on Mortis instead of killing the incarnations of the Ones. Except Anakin never would have. Force prophecies are like prophecies in Greek mythology, they always come true, just rarely how you’d expect. The Cosmic Force uses visions, prophecies, and even Force Ghosts to manipulate people to fulfill their goals. People still have free will, but it’s basically impossible to outsmart a being who can already see the impact of all of its actions and plan accordingly. It only gives prophecies and visions in the precise way that will make them become self fulfilling, to carry out its unknowable goals.

Ahsoka is an embodiment of the Daughter, but that’s a divergence from the cycle. She doesn’t have a Son to compliment her. Without knowing what Ahsoka does after Rebels, I can’t write how the Cosmic Force accounts for this aberration.

Ahsoka doesn’t understand her divine importance the way The Daughter did, but even The Daughter wasn’t plugged into the Cosmic Force’s actual will. Nothing, no embodiment of the Force, ever is. Ahsoka has powers beyond her understanding and control, but she used them to influence the World Between Worlds to save her.

V. AND THUS, THE STORY

Kylo Ren sensed her before he saw her. As he flew his TIE whisper along the flat desert, she was a bright presence in his mind, practically glowing with determination and ferocity. Something odd pulled at his chest. It was the same feeling he’d had when he’d faced his father for the last time, when he’d made the decision to kill Han Solo. You had to kill the past, yes, but you had to kill the light, too, to fully claim the darkness. He finally understood. Han Solo was his past. But Rey was his light. That’s why Kylo was still in agony. That’s why he couldn’t shake the memory of his father’s hand against his cheek, of those eyes full of love and understanding. Kylo hadn’t yet destroyed his light. Maybe the Emperor was right. She needed to die. That, or he needed to kill the light in her. -The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

So now that we’ve set up all the concepts, we can get to the actual fixing of the Dyads. If you couldn’t guess from what I’ve been focusing on, being Force Dyads actually just means that Rey is the embodiment of The Daughter and Kylo Ren The embodiment of the Son. While to us, TROS is the end of the Skywalker saga, to the Cosmic Force, the previous cycle involved Anakin and went from before the PT to ROTJ. A new cycle begins for the Force at TFA.

That’s why Kylo is obsessed with Rey, either killing her (and returning the Daughter to domancy) or by turning her to the Dark Side. That is how he must express the conflict of The Ones.

The standard definition of a dyad is something made up of two parts. Not a matched pair, but a single entity. That’s what The Ones are. If one of their mortal embodiments turned the other to their side, that aspect of The Ones would have reached out and overpowered the other.

There is one line in the novelization that’s doesn’t quite work with this reading:

[Palpatine] tried to create a dyad with Anakin, as his master had tried to create one with him. The Rule of Two, a Master always in desperate search of a yet more powerful apprentice, was a pale imitation, an unworthy but necessary successor to the older, purer doctrine of the Dyad. -The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

But don’t worry! I do have an explanation! Palpatine’s just an unreliable narrator. Some previous Sith had gleaned something about the actual dyad system and interpreted incorrectly from there. He can sense that Kylo and Rey make a true Dyad together, but he has no idea what that entails.

So when did Kylo and Rey become the Son and Daughter? Well this wouldn’t be much of an anti-Bendemption reading if he was forced to the Dark Side by the Son. We know that the Force woke up when Kylo Ren fell (A will that had been silent, dormant after the demise of the Sith, only to wake once again during Luke’s exile), but that’s just the Force getting ready because now a new cycle is beginning.

Kylo and Rey become embodiments of the Ones right when TFA began. That’s how everyone is talking about some aspect of the Cosmic Force being awake then, even when it supposedly woke up six years ago.

The Force chose who would act out the roles of the Ones, fighting each other, deciding the fate of the galaxy, and one of their eventual destruction by who was in the most suitable situation at the time. Kylo and Rey both already had high levels of potential in the Force and their own destinies. They were also both in the right place to come into conflict and were aligned to the right sides. So they were chosen, for the extent of any amount of chronology you can put onto the Cosmic Force.

What happened to Ahsoka to free up the Daughter’s spirit? I don’t know. TROS already implied that she’s dead with her showing up as the one of the past Jedi, but I don’t like confronting that idea. Maybe she surrendered the spirit? Or an embodiment of the Cosmic Force took it from her? Maybe she lost it when the Force fell asleep anyway? But the fact she was likewise once an avatar of the Daughter is why Rey can hear her voice. Because she wasn’t a Jedi when she died, her rejecting the Order is pretty important to the arc. And Rey wasn’t channeling all the light side users that came before her, just Jedi. And Ahsoka because of their connection, whether or not our favorite Togruta is still alive then.

So that is how Rey and Kylo are connected, and why they each have the unwavering belief that they can turn the other. They could just kill the other, but that would be a less satisfying end to the conflict. If they, as people, could beat the other in a battle of wills and push out the other One, that’s a more satisfactory ending. Hence:

With this realization came another certainty, even more gut wrenching: [Kylo] was relieved he hadn’t killed [Rey].

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

Basically every kind of R/ylo-y sounding piece of narration is explained because they have a different kind of connection between each other. It’s less soulmates and more Gannandorf vs Link. Which is why it entails Kylo torturing Rey and her friends.

Speaking of her friends, Finn is even more heavily implied to be Force sensitive in the novelization than he already was. And he has this piece of narration:

No one quite understood [Finn’s] single-minded devotion to Rey, except maybe Leia. Even Rose—though she accepted it—thought it was a bit strange. But it wasn’t strange at all. Rey was Finn’s friend, yes, but she was also important. He sensed it. It was that same undeniable feeling he’d told Jannah about. If anything happened to Rey, the Resistance didn’t stand a chance.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

Finn already gives me the vibe that he’d be a Jedi Consular in the old Legends system, so it fits that he can vaguely sense Rey’s importance in the Force.

Now, up until that scene in TROS, Rey and Kylo aren’t being possessed by The Ones. The only influence it is having on their thoughts is that it connects them together and causes Rey to believe that there is still hope for Kylo after his many many second chances.

When Leia sacrifices herself to distract Kylo, that’s what she’s intending to do. Leia still loves Kylo, she can’t help herself. But she isn’t the kind of person who gets consumed by personal concerns. So she plans to use her misguided love for good, to distract Kylo in the right moment so that Rey could kill him.

And Rey almost does. But she’s influenced by the spirit of the Daughter. So she heals Kylo, but that’s not all she’s doing. As she’s channeling her life energy into Kylo, she’s also channeling her will and the spirit of The Daughter. With that, Rey unknowingly possesses Kylo Ren and forces him back to the Light Side.

When Kylo has his vision of Han, that’s his brain representing this new influence on him. Rey doesn’t have direct control over Kylo. She doesn’t even have any idea that this happened, but she forces Kylo’s goals to align with hers.

[Ben] blasted them easily, one shot for every kill. Not long ago, he would have taken pleasure in this, but now he had only one consuming desire: Help Rey.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

And now it is time for the Cosmic Force to lie! Basically, everything that Luke tells Rey at Ach-To is actually the Cosmic Force using his consciousness (see the post I linked earlier about how connected Force Ghosts are to the Cosmic Force). I feel like one of the Cosmic Force’s motivations has to be making sure that the only way to cheat death is through becoming a Force Ghost. This works with how George says that the only way to truly transcend the need to die is to let go and become a Force Ghost. All Must Eventually Return To It. A dark side shade like the Nightsister’s magicks or the Enchantress’ spirit in The Mighty Chewbacca in The Forest of Fear is ok. But Palpatine survived by mastering the whole “consciousness transfer into the clone” power he had in legends:

His body was dead, an empty vessel, long before it found the bottom of the shaft, and his mind jolted to new awareness in a new body—a painful one, a temporary one.

-The Rise of Skywalker Noveliation

And that’s not allowed. So the Cosmic Force wants Palpatine permanently destroyed, even if it means this cycle lasted only two years. So that’s why “Luke” says something like this:

Rey said, “I gave him some of my life. In that moment I would have given him all of it…died if I had to.” “Your compassion saved him,” said Luke.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

And everything else he says in the film itself. When Rey says she would have spent all of her life energy to save Kylo, that’s just because she had an instinct to keep pushing her essence into Kylo Ren. She wasn’t aware that was because she was defeating The Son in a battle of wills.

And speaking of Force Healing, this entire extra story also fixes how Kylo Ren was able to revive Rey from being entirely dead. Because with all the stuff George said about becoming a Force ghost being the only way to transcend death, any very powerful Force User being able to bring someone else back from the dead by sacrificing their own life feels like way too low of a power requirement. There’s only been one other character resurrected in such a way, and that was Ahsoka using The Daughter’s spirit. So Rey’s subconscious reaches out and uses Kylo Ren’s life force to come back to life, and to subsume the entirety of The Ones in a Light Side aligned form.

Is that ethical? Debatable. But theme wise, this story is more in the realm of old myths where things Just Happen, directed by beings too unknowable for things like human morality.

Now other than the thing we’re all ignoring, there are two last pieces of narration from Rey in the novelization that doesn’t work with this reading, so let’s address them.

[Ben] acknowledged her, and Rey’s lips parted in surprise. It felt different now. The connection was…right. Good. Like coming home. Ben was similarly stunned, and together, they wasted a precious moment reveling in this new sharing. This is how it should have been all along. A true dyad.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

The girl who had felt alone for all those years on Jakku had been part of a dyad the whole time. And just when [Rey had] discovered that precious connection, that incredible oneness, it was ripped away.

-The Rise of Skywalker Novelization

This is actually just Rey misunderstanding a different feeling- being drunk on Light Side power. We have a general understanding about what being overwhelmed by the Dark Side is like, but without exceptional means it’s impossible to have one’s Personal Balance disrupted by the Light Side. That’s falling off our metaphorical tightrope, but into the air above you.

The Light Side often feels like coming home, like warmth, like connection, and like certainty in purpose. So while someone overwhelmed by the Dark Side feels drunk on power, what I just outlined is what someone overwhelmed by the Light Side feels. Also Mind Tricks are already a Light Side power, so it makes sense the most extreme form of it leads to a Light Side high.

So Rey leaves Exegol, incredibly powerful in the Force and the Cosmic Balance once more gone. Perhaps the galaxy will receive another generation, or even more, of peace. But one day, the cycle shall begin again- as the Cosmic Force demands.

So that’s it. I hope you now feel better about the dyads and Bendemption if you previously disliked that part of TROS. AU fix-it fics aren’t really my thing, and I prefer trying to fix thing up from a Watsonian, rather than Doylist perspective. If anyone has anything from the New EU that seems to contradict what I’ve written, please let me know so I can properly address it. If you have anything to add to this idea, such as why the Cosmic Force wants these cycles, please contribute. And if someone wants to make fanworks based on this idea, I’d love that so much.

#sw #star wars #tros #the rise of skywalker #anti-reylo #my writings

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bpdanakins · 5 years ago

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I get the idea why a lot of people love this “Gray Jedi” interpretation in that its acknowledging life, death, creation and destruction, and how this is a cycle we see in real life and we cannot fight things like death, and that struggle is what helps us grow, etc etc. That’s real life and this is true.

But it’s not really what we’re shown in Star Wars. We know from the OT alone that the Force is created of all living things, and we know that when someone dies (in SW), they become one with the Force, and thus a part of all living things. This is kinda already like the cycle of life and death as is.

The Light Side and the Dark Side is how a Force user chooses to use the Force. The Dark Side is destruction and death, but not in this romanticized view which helps the Light Side grow stronger, or ‘cleans the slate’ so good can begin again, or teaching one not to fear death and struggle or whatever. It’s destruction, because it destroys both others and the user itself. It corrupts them, turns them into terrible people, the worst of themselves. And it’s death, bc again, it’s corruption of the self and of others, and it makes one evil and evil likes doing evil things like mass murder.

It’s a perversion of the natural cycle of life and death and the celebration of it, not part of the cycle itself. Because the Dark Side is a manipulation of the Force to do and create evil, and evil is not something that can ever be spun into something that is a necessary step towards good things.

The Sith, in turn, have never been good. Like... ever. Yes, one can and should be selfish at times, in that it is important in many ways to put yourself first to improve yourself and help yourself become healthier and be okay with things like that. But that’s not the Sith type of selfishness. Sith covet everything. And Sith empires are literally always fascist/dictatorship ones. They encourage and use slavery, genocide, racism, all these sorts of things. Because nothing gives one a bigger power trip than to decide who deserves to live and who deserves to die.

(And if people want to point to the ever popularly used KOTOR games, we are shown in them how the Sith Academy itself is built upon the desire and requirement to kill each other as part of the curriculum.)

(Also Kreia never encouraged the Exile to be a Sith btw.)

People don’t like the Jedi and/or criticize them, and thus often turn this into this idea that the Jedi encouraged suppression of the self and the Sith encourage the opposite, and that’s why they’re both wrong. And there’s good arguments for that and against that, but that still has nothing to do with trying to paint the Sith as some necessary force in the galaxy.

Imagine making the argument that it’s a good thing for us to have periods of war, genocide, racism (and other sorts of bigotry) and slavery, etc, in order to learn to be good. And not just that, but make the argument that it’s necessary for this to happen forever. I don’t want to live in that world, where we brush off these horrific things as just the generational reminder that the world sucks and it’s okay for us to view it as such for our position of privilege where we’re not the ones directly suffering every day from these things. That’s just. Bad y’all.

To take it further and make the argument that Anakin’s destiny was to suffer for over a decade and go through horrific things (plus do horrific things) just because the whole goal was for him to commit mass murder on the Jedi so there were only four Force users in the galaxy is 1. weird, 2. terrible, and 3. why do you want him to suffer?

#star wars #long post #anyways there's my unwanted two cents on this thing g'night #shit it's only 7:26 and it's dark enough to be 11 p.m. ugh

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lady--revan · 5 years ago

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OC Profile Meme

Tagged by @reverienne and @etoilebinaire!!!! I love talking about my gremlin daughter, thank you!!!!

PHYSICAL

Name: Revan Kestrel Varik

Nickname: She was pretty much always known as Revan, her other names were simply on papers stored away in the Jedi Temple. When she lost her memory, she became the soldier Kestrel.

Age: 28 (KOTOR 1)

Species: Human

Morality: Chaotic good. But she’s like, one dark side point away from being chaotic neutral. During her time as a Sith she was Neutral Evil.

PERSONAL

Religion: Um, does Jedi-turned-Sith-turned-Jedi-turned Gray Jedi count?

Sins: greed/gluttony/sloth/lust/pride/envy/wrath

Virtues: chastity/charity/diligence/humility/kindness/patience/justice

Known languages: Galactic Basic, and some alien languages she drew out of people’s heads using Force Comprehension

Build: scrawny/bony/slender/fit/athletic/curvy/herculean/pudgy/plus size/average

Height: She’s like 5’5

Scars/Birthmarks: some scarring on her back from when Malak tried to kill her

Abilities/Powers:

Telekinesis is her favorite thing ever. It’s like having as many arms as you want, and she frequently uses it without having to think about it. Like she’ll be talking with Carth in their apartment and then the caf maker will start by itself, making drinks for both of them. (He thinks she’s showing off and well, he’s not completely wrong) After many years of memorizing the correct switches on the Ebon Hawk, Revan can turn it on using only her mind. (She still prefers doing it manually in case she misses something)

No one can sneak up on her. She always knows if someone is behind her, though she sometimes can’t tell who it is

Force lightning can sometimes prove useful in desperate situations. When a ship loses power due to deactivation, a pulse from her fingertip can spark it on again. She keeps getting lectured about it bc it’s a Dark Side power

Restrictions:

She can be reckless, and always takes the difficult part of missions, sometimes alone. During the attack on the Star Forge, she slipped away from the others because she thought they would only slow her down. Even though she’s pretty much a one-woman army, this sometimes blows up in her face. She thought she could face the threat in the Unknown Regions alone, but quickly learned she would need help. (That help eventually turned out to be the Exile.)

This also ties in with the last part- She’s biased and keeps the ones she loves the most in the safest parts of the battle when she can. Revan would rather risk a random soldier’s life than Carth’s, for example.

Revan, unfortunately, takes after Kreia. She often has a master plan, and isn’t above subtly manipulating people with the Force. She wouldn’t dare try it with her loved ones, but she doesn’t see anything wrong with giving someone a little “suggestion” through the Force

FAVOURITES:

Food: eating emergency rations at 3 AM (gone wrong) Revan isn’t very picky. She’s even eaten questionable food before, mainly because of the resistance to poison that comes with Jedi training.

Pizza topping: She doesn’t have a favorite? As I said before she’ll eat pretty much anything.

Colour: Maroon

Music genre: Rock, but she has a soft spot for upbeat jazz.

Movie genre: Action/Adventure

Curse words: Just some Mando’a words, and never in front of Mission or Bastila

Scents: She doesn’t really smell like anything.

FUN STUFF:

Bottom or top: this question makes me uncomfortable so I won’t answer it

Sings in the shower: yes and it’s this song (epilepsy warning!!!) for 30 minutes straight

Likes puns: She despises them much more than she should lol

tagging ummmm @lesbianvisas @theebonhawke @jediisapphic (if you want to of course)

#tfw you stan your own oc #she's such a gremlin i love her #my art #kestrel varik #revan #oc profile meme #if somebody tags me again I'll do it for liana #tags

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thatwitchrevan · 5 years ago

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I finished it ~!

Keep in mind: 1) 1am 2) no editing

“Atton, if you want me to teach you you’re going to have to try to be still.”

Atton sighed, shifting again on the floor in an attempt to get comfortable enough that he could stay still. His knees hurt, and it wasn’t as if he wasn’t used to it, but under these specific circumstances it was making him antsy.

He couldn’t help wondering if it would have been better if Meetra had been the one to teach him, if she’d agreed when he’d asked her to. Maybe she would’ve known how to teach better than Mical did, or maybe he’d find it easier to listen to her than this admittedly cute but frustrating guy in front of him. “It’s hard to focus.”

“Atton, you have remarkable levels of self-control. You served under an intimidating and hyper-intelligent Sith master without letting her dominate your mind, you have a keen resistance to Jedi influence, and you are a talented actor. Do you really expect me to believe you are incapable of holding still and clearing your mind?”

Atton huffed, opening his eyes just enough to look at Mical. His eyes were still closed, of course, and he looked perfectly serene kneeling on the floor, as if he could stay here and meditate for ever. Damned perfect Jedi. “I don’t know if you’re trying to flatter me into listening to you, but it’s not gonna work.”

“Close your eyes, Atton, and try to clear your mind.”

Atton closed his eyes again, but he was frowning. His defiant tendencies were flaring up. He did make an effort to slow his breathing, to bring his mind under control, but he didn’t withhold the comment that came to his mind. “You’re not my master, you know. You haven’t got your full training either, and I’m older than you, anyway.”

“And Malak was older than Revan when she took him as her apprentice,” Mical returned calmly. Atton couldn’t physically see him, but he could imagine that infuriatingly calm expression still on his face.

“Yeah, well Revan made Malak look like a punk bitch, so I think the exception was justified.”

That got Mical to laugh, lightly. “So irreverent,” he chided, but his tone was amused.

“That’s me.”

Atton felt Mical moving - one minute, he was a foot away, and then he was sitting in front of Atton, their knees barely touching. “Atton, look at me.”

Atton blinked his eyes open and made contact with Mical’s. Despite the excuses he was making, he knew he was full of shit. Yes, Mical was younger than him and yes, he was inexperienced, too. But Mical knew the Jedi in ways Atton didn’t. He’d been trained as a child, had almost made it to apprenticeship. That was more than Atton could say.

All he really knew about Jedi was how to kill them.

“I know that you’re afraid, Atton. You don’t have her to guide you, and you know that to allow someone to train you will mean to let your guard down. You trusted her, but you’re not ready to trust me the same way. I understand.”

“But you’ve asked me to try, and I want to do my best. I can’t help you if you don’t give me a chance. I want to earn your trust. I want us to work together to figure this out.”

Atton clenched and relaxed his fists as they rested on his knees, fidgeting to take the edge off of his nerves. “Do I have to stop playing pazaak?”

“Eventually. The idea is to clear your mind. And if you can do that, I still won’t be able to read your thoughts, Atton.”

Atton nodded. “I’ll try, Mical. It’s just. It’s gonna take me a while.”

Mical touched his shoulder gently. He smiled. “I know. It’s alright, Atton. Be patient with yourself.”

“Now close your eyes. Start with pazaak. Let that be the only thought in your head.”

Atton obeyed, closing his eyes with a deep breath. Numbers filled his head, a familiar, calming element that he could lean into. Sometimes, like now, the habit triggered memories of things and people he’d used it around: Meetra, Revan, Kreia. But he pushed that away, concentrating on the game.

“Good,” Mical praised. “Now stop picturing the cards, and just relax as much as you can.”

Atton resisted on instinct, physically tensing at the idea, but he calmed himself down and tried. Instead of imagining specific cards, concentrating on the colors and the numbers and the turns in the game, he let the sequence play out in his head as if in the background, and then tried to let it go altogether.

It was about two full seconds of breathing, barely thinking of anything, before his mind jumped to forcefully listing planets, their hyperspace coordinates, the number of moons they had, and avoiding any thoughts about which ones he’d been to, how many he’d killed people on-

His eyes opened and he sighed. “I can’t. When I try to think of nothing, I start thinking about everything. This just...isn’t possible for me.”

Mical frowned at him. No, not at him. At the problem. They were both in uncharted territory here, and for not the first time Atton felt an unpleasant twist of almost-guilt at causing so much frustration to the only people trying to help him.

“It’s not about trying not to think at all, necessarily.” Mical’s forehead continued to pinch as he tried to explain. “The idea is to quiet your mind. To relax. Thoughts come and you let them go, or sit with them in peace. You open yourself up to everything, including what you’re thinking and feeling. If you try to fight it, it fights back. And that includes trying to bury it under games and patterns.”

Atton frowned at his hands. He could fight, and he could take apart his lightsaber and put it back together, all with his hands. He thought he should be able to use the Force, too, all without this Jedi bullshit about ‘clearing your mind’ and ‘facing yourself’...but he knew without a doubt that Meetra would’ve made him try, too, and that part of the reason she couldn’t train him was because of all this stuff, because this was too hard if the student and the teacher were both twisted up in the head.

He had to do this if he was going to control the power inside him.

That almost made him want to give up. Almost. He shook his head and looked back up at Mical. “I think I understand, but I need a break. It’s just not going to happen today.”

Mical nodded. “Then we’ll try again tomorrow.”

“Can’t we skip the meditation, this time?”

Bao-Dur frowned at him. “No, Atton.”

Atton sighed, gripping his lightsaber and glancing down at it wistfully. “Why?” It came out more whiny than he meant; Bao-Dur had no pity.

“Because you want to, which means we shouldn’t. Come on, Atton.”

“Bao-Dur-”

“Atton, give me your lightsaber.” Bao-Dur held out his hand, expectant.

Atton stood still, holding his saber tight in his hand. He hated this thing sometimes. He was afraid of it. Afraid of what he was when he used it.

But it was safer than the meditation.

He hesitated. Bao-Dur’s eyes were watching him, waiting patiently for him to obey. And he wanted to. Wanted to trust him. He swallowed to clear his throat and handed it over, feeling a bit lighter when he did, but also less anchored.

Bao-Dur kept eye contact and clipped the lightsaber to his own belt. “Meetra told me not to let you use it if you’re not calm, centered. You’ve got a lot of work to do, Atton. I’m going to help you, but I need you to trust me and give it a try.”

Atton barely held back a sigh. He couldn’t help being frustrated that Meetra had so much say in his training, even though she wasn’t doing it personally. Her directions were so strict. But it makes sense, he reminded himself. He sat down with Bao-Dur, letting his eyes close immediately and putting his mind on autopilot.

He tried to imagine his mind as a white space with nothing in it. No thoughts to distract him, or for anyone to read. No emotions to cloud his judgement. He focused on the emptiness, not realizing he was still tense until Bao-Dur touched his arm and he jumped.

His eyes shot open. “What?”

Bao-Dur sighed. “Atton, you’re practically chanting at yourself to stop thinking. That is not the purpose of this.”

Atton huffed and jerked his arm away. “I don’t know what else you want me to try. I’ve tried to ease into it, I’ve tried to power through it... you and Mical keep talking about ‘calming my mind’ but you don’t seem to understand that I just can’t!”

Bao-Dur frowned and stared at him. Atton squirmed a bit, feeling as though Bao-Dur was looking straight into him, despite knowing there was no way he or anyone else could actually read his thoughts right now. Bao-Dur reached out again, this time with his palm up, offering his hand. “Come sit with me.”

Atton raised an eyebrow, skeptical. But he quickly relented and scooted across the floor, closing the distance between him and Bao-Dur until their legs brushed each other.

Bao-Dur unfolded his legs and stretched them out, nudging Atton gently in the side to have him turn around. “Sit back and let me hold you. Try to relax.”

Atton stiffened on instinct, first at the touch and then the command to relax. Even though he trusted Bao-Dur, even though he wanted to, a part of his mind still told him that to relax was to open himself up to death.

He tried to ignore it. He turned around and let Bao-Dur pull him almost into his lap, arms wrapped around him. Atton couldn’t help the light blush creeping over his face even though this was not remotely like that - it wasn’t sexual, just intimate. Wonderfully and painfully intimate.

But he leaned back against Bao-Dur’s chest, and damn if he didn’t begin to relax. With Bao-Dur’s arms looped loosely around his torso, a feeling of safety and comfort crept in against his will. It’d been like that with Meetra, which he’d figured was partly down to her dangerous magnetism, and partly due to their mutual bond. He was bonded to Bao-Dur and Mical, too, which let their warmth override his paranoia.

Bao-Dur kissed him behind the ear. “Come on, Love. Tell me how you feel.”

Atton huffed again. “I feel dumb. This is apparently level one, Padawan bullshit and I can’t handle it.”

“You have a lot on your mind. You always do. You’ve just got to stop sitting on it, Atton. Let it go. Trust yourself, and trust me.” Bao-Dur rubbed his arm, squeezed his hand. “Close your eyes.”

Atton did.

“Now, don’t worry about emptying your mind, but don’t bury your thoughts. Let them come, and then let them go. Don’t dwell on them.”

Atton frowned. He still didn’t like the sound of any of that. But he had to try, if he wanted to move forward. He needed a control and awareness of his mind that went beyond throwing up shields to protect it or drowning his thoughts out.

He let out a breath, and let go. His thoughts drifted from the exercise to the comfort of Bao-Dur’s embrace, and then the other sensations he felt. The hard floor underneath them. The warmth of the room. The movement of his and Bao-Dur’s chest as they both quietly breathed.

He thought of Meetra. He wondered if she’d be proud of him for trying, if she’d be glad he’d begun to trust a couple of people enough to gradually let down his defenses. He’d never, ever stopped around her. Only would’ve if he had to, if she’d let him stay and help her. She didn’t want another apprentice, particularly one that came used and broken.

The breath Atton took was small, quiet, but sharp enough that Bao-Dur noticed. Either way he would’ve sensed that something was going on. He hugged Atton a little tighter. “It’s okay. Don’t ignore what you’re feeling, Atton. Don’t hide it.”

Atton took another breath, this one shaky. His eyes remained closed. His thoughts drifted from Meetra, but centered instead around himself, around everything he hadn’t really dealt with. He’d tried, but there always seemed to be more. More pain, more fear, more uncertainty that he was capable or even worthy of ever being better. All he was was pain, kinda like Sion, walking around and trying to hold himself together. Kinda like the Exile, too.

He didn’t realize he was crying until something wet hit his arm. Bao-Dur was holding him even tighter and Atton just sobbed. Becoming aware of it made it so much worse - once it was started, there wasn’t much hope that it would stop.

He didn’t try. Tears spilled down his face, and he wondered vaguely how long it’d been since he’d let anyone see him cry like this, but he just kept sobbing as Bao-Dur held him.

Bao-Dur didn’t once shush him or tell him it was okay. All he said were soft assurances like ‘I’m here’ and ‘I’ve got you’, and each one seemed to pull another sob from Atton’s throat but underneath the pain and embarrassment it began to feel more and more good to let it out.

It hurt so much and yet relief washed over him, more with every moment. He wondered dimly if that made it worth it, if it made him stupid to avoid it when it was this inevitable and maybe let some of the pressure off the pain.

It took a while before he quieted down. At some point he’d been turned around to rest chest-to-chest against Bao-Dur instead, and Bao-Dur was rubbing his back. Atton cried himself out and then slumped against his boyfriend, feeling tired and sore with tears drying on his face. He breathed deeply to calm himself and after another few long moments, he sat up and wiped his face, sheepishly meeting Bao-Dur’s eyes.

“I guess I still didn’t do it, huh?”

Bao-Dur chuckled softly. “Well...” He reached up and wiped away some more wetness Atton had missed. “I wouldn’t call that quieting your mind, no. Not in the short term. But you feel better now, right?”

Atton almost hated admitting it, but he nodded.

“So, that means it helped. Everyone has to break down sometimes, Atton. If you try so hard to stay together that you never let it out, you only break harder. Case in point,” he poked at Atton’s cheek with his thumb, grinning when it made Atton smile. “You really are going to be okay, in the end. But sometimes you have to accept you’re not okay in the moment. Nobody’s that tough all the time.”

Atton chuckled. “What’re you talking about? I’m the fucking poster boy for mental stability.” He sniffed loudly and let out another sigh, but he felt like everything his mind had just stirred up was settling, and at the moment none of it seemed as serious as when he’d been trying to avoid it.

He squeezed Bao-Dur’s hand. “Thanks. I...I’d never have chosen for you to see that, but I’m glad you were here.”

Bao-Dur squeezed his hand back and smiled. “Don’t you worry. I’ll always be here.”

#griffin writes #ughhhhhhh that took forever #to be clear i wrote the mical part and half the bao dur part ages ago #and just finishing the bao dur part has taken me too long #this is okay to reblog if you consider it coherent enough #im going. to bed #kotor #kotor ii #atton rand #mical #bao dur #oh also theyre all boyfriends #thanks goodnight

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equalharm-a · 5 years ago

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some fool: kreia is just a cranky old bitch who fucks everyone over, and has absolutely no good in her me:

the thing about star wars is that most of the characters within the movie franchise can be starkly defined as good or evil, or in the transition process between the two. they do definitive good or bad things. there is an extremely fine line between a very stark black and white. but realistically speaking, no real person is so absolute. people do good and bad things, and often times lean more towards one or the other, with hints of the other dabbled in. kreia is one of the few examples in star wars of a character who cannot be pigeonholed into one of those two categories. she herself explains it excellently.

surik: "Kreia, what are you—are you a Jedi, a Sith?" kreia: "Does it matter? Of course it does, such titles allow you to break the galaxy into light and dark, categorize it. Perhaps I am neither, and I hold both as what they are, pieces of a whole. Know that I am your teacher, and that is enough."

pieces of a whole. she understands the idea that you cannot have one without the other. where there is light, there must also be a dark to give definition to that light. and vice versa. kreia is a good person who does bad things for the sake of a greater good. she uses and manipulates people to reach the outcome of a greater good.

her entire purpose in life is to eliminate the force, something that she (rightfully) believes has a will, a will to enforce an unnatural balance on the universe. like i said before, it is not realistic for there to be a stark good, and a stark evil. the jedi and sith are halves of a complete whole, but each side treats it as if their ideals are a whole on their own. they aren’t. and due to this narrow minded belief system for both parties, the universe has suffered. endlessly. this is what kreia sought to end. the battle of good and evil. the clash of light and dark that is perpetrated by the force. without it, there would definitely still be terrible wars and brutal disputes, but it would be by the choice of the galaxy, not the choice of a canonically intelligent microscopic species that desires “balance”.

but then we move onto her extremely warped methods. the idea that a handful of lives can be sacrificed for her idea of a good ending. she is willing to harm or even kill those around her if it means, in the end, she achieves what she believes to be true balance. living things are expendable to her. this is extremely fucked up of her, and what tends to be where this “kreia is evil” bs comes from. not to say that her ideology isn’t fucked up, and that what she does on that smaller scale isn’t evil, but it should be understood that she is doing these evil things for the sake of all of life itself. it’s a very thanos situation, unfortunately. a few hundred people die, and in total, the lives lost are worth the lives saved.

all in all: kreia is not evil. kreia is not good, either. kreia is a person who is deeply compassionate. she may not be loving, or selfless. she may do terrible things to the people around her. but she has the best interests of everyone at heart. she wants to see the galaxy saved, not left in this perpetual loop of chaos.

#𝑻. 𝖾𝖼𝗁𝗈𝖾�� 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝗈𝗎𝗀𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝖼𝖾. out.#𝑻. 𝗄𝗇𝗈𝗐𝗅𝖾𝖽𝗀𝖾 𝗎𝗇𝗌𝖾𝖾𝗇 . hc.#anyways

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ergomaria · 5 years ago

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Miles to Go Before I Sleep - Ch. 07

While Meetra assumed that this could be a training room by Sith standards, it looked more like a torture chamber. Cages lined one wall and various wicked-looking implements hung from hooks in the ceiling. But the main feature was a large stone table that sat off to one side, a set of lights illuminating a body that was growing bloated and discolored from the beginning stages of decay. Shrugging off Atton's hand, which was grasping her shoulder, Meetra walked stiffly into the room as she scanned the corpse for any distinguishing characteristics. Old, dried blood covered any areas that weren't decorated with cuts and bruises, making it difficult to see anything of note. But the hair was mostly clean and she immediately recognized the familiar gray and brown bun of Jedi Master Lonna Vash.

"It's her, isn't it?" Atton's voice was hollow.

"They tortured her…"

Idly tracing the scars that marked the skin beneath her robes, the Handmaiden nodded. "I can only assume that refused to give my master her secrets. The strength of her will must have been remarkable."

"It was."

The deep, gravelly voice sent a chill through the room and all of the Force users turned in unison towards the door. Sion's massive form now blocked the entryway, his cracked visage even more somber than usual. The snap of multiple lightsabers igniting filled the air as the crew spread out, trying to keep away from the Sith. But their tactic was hampered by the appearance of a second figure who seemed to melt from the shadows, his black robes making him seem nebulous and indistinct aside from the white and red mask hiding his face. While not as large as Sion, something about this new Sith terrified Meetra.

It took a moment for the former General to realize that the gnawing coldness encompassing the academy, a sensation that she had assumed was the aura of the building, was actually the signature of this cloaked figure. He exuded a ravenous, insatiable darkness that cloaked even Sion's remarkable presence, enabling the other Sith Lord to approach unnoticed. That was how they managed to trap the group in place.

A garbled shriek came from behind the mask, causing the Handmaiden to cover her ears as she collapsed to her knees muttering, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

Meetra's hand hovered near her commlink as she debated calling Bastila for assistance. The younger woman had firsthand experience with Sith Lords and might be able to help them escape alive. But there was a chance that Sion and the creature she assumed was Nihilus didn't know about the Hawk or it's remaining passengers and the former Consular couldn't risk endangering them by contacting the ship. But maybe there was another way…

'Kreia, can you hear me? Sion and Nihilus are here and I think we're in trouble.'

There was a flutter of acknowledgment in Meetra's mind but no other response. She clenched her teeth as she shifted her grip on her lightsaber, keeping both Sith Lords in her sight as she moved to shield the Handmaiden. "Leave her alone."

There was another garbled sound, this one almost akin to laughter. Sion joined in, a deep chuckle rumbling through his scarred chest. "You feel sympathy for an assassin sent to kill you. Strange, but I've come to learn that I should expect nothing less of you, Exile."

"What do you want from me? From us?"

"We have watched as you've searched for answers to questions that you have no reason to ask, all to aid an Order who discarded you without a second thought." Sion stepped forward, his broad form casting a long shadow across the floor. "Exile, surely you realize that this is not your fight. Abandon your quest here and now, and we will let you and your allies leave this planet unscathed."

Meetra slipped into an offensive stance as she raised her head in challenge. "I can't do that. If you've been observing me, you've probably realized that I have a habit of getting involved in fights that don't concern me."

"I have also witnessed the destruction that your intervention wrought upon Malachor Five. You know war and death, and I respect you for that. But though you have tasted darkness you did not embrace that power because you still fear it. And because you cannot hear the true call of the dark side there are things about the Sith that you will never fully comprehend." There was a low hiss as Sion ignited his lightsaber, the red blade glowing eerily in the gloom. "This is how it ends for you, Exile. Your futile search is your downfall."

"Did your master send you after me? Is it Nihilus? Some sort of true Sith?"

"I am my own master and who I pledge loyalty to is no concern of yours."

So, Nihilus wasn't the master. Meetra quietly tucked that information away should she manage to escape from this situation alive, which seemed increasingly doubtful. The Force was thick with her companion's fear, the combined weight of their dread settling heavily around her. But through it all, she could feel a flicker of hope and she was surprised to discover that the source was Atton. Glancing towards him, she noticed that his attention was focused just past Sion and into the corridor behind him.

Even without a true Force bond, she could sense the pilot's thoughts. If they could somehow escape the Sith Lords, he knew the inside of the academy well enough to lead the crew to safety. They just had to distract Sion long enough to run past, just like they did on Peragus. Meetra wondered if she could keep him talking. "You and your masked friend are the sources of the Jedi deaths and disappearances, aren't you?"

"The Jedi are the architects of their own doom, lost in their traditions and ignorant to the danger all around them. You know this as well as we do. We are merely speeding up what they have already set in motion."

Meetra wanted to object on principle, even as she mentally acknowledged the truth in the Sith's words. In the end, she said nothing. The Order had failed in so many ways that she had run out of excuses to defend them many years back. But there was still a question about one former Jedi that she needed answers to. "What about Revan? Where is he now?"

Sion shook his head. "I know nothing of the Revanchist excepted that he created you. That is all the information I need."

From the corner of her eye, Meetra noticed Atton shifting minutely, a slight shuffling of his feet that could easily be mistaken for nervousness or impatience. But he was actually trying to angle himself towards the doorway, something that both Visas and Bao-Dur also appeared to sense.

Nihilus must have felt a change in the room because he let out a garbled growl of warning as his masked face turned towards Sion. Though his expression was unreadable, the cloying darkness of his presence rippled and the air grew colder with his irritation.

Nodding once, Sion swung his blade into an attack position. "We have talked long enough, Exile and your final questions have been answered. Korriban is a planet of the dead, so it is fitting that you will meet your end here."

Despite the panicked pounding of her heart, Meetra's expression remained calm as she looked into the Sith Lord's good eye. "Funny, I was about to say the same thing to you."

Read the whole chapter on FanFiction or AO3!

#KOTOR 2 #kotor 2 fanfic #The Jedi Exile #meetra surik #Female exile #atton x exile #Revan #male Revan #mrevan x carth #My writing #Miles to go before I sleep #not perfection but completeness

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theexiledgeneral · 6 years ago

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Prompts! 112: “ Why are you bleeding?” and/or 137: “ You’re an asshole.”

First off, THANK YOU for the prompts!

The night was quiet. Tamara shivered from her vantage point atop a tall ‘scraper and drew her cloak tight around her. The merchant she’d been eyeing finished up with his latest customer and she finally turned away from the railing and headed to his kiosk. She rifled through his stock, taking advantage of a sale he had on a decent lens and a few spare mechanical parts that would come in handy to fix various things on the Ebon Hawk. The man gave her a strange look but he sold her the small lens she found anyway. She put his curious gaze out of her mind; everyone on Nar Shaddaa had something they were hiding and if she thought too long about all of it she’d never leave this place. Tam turned away from the merchant and glanced around the courtyard, debating if it was worth stopping by a cantina or if she should head back to her crew on the ‘Hawk.

A few elevator rides down, several plazas later, Tam was still not sure what she wanted to do and was almost ready to turn back to the refugee sector. She had turned disappointedly into a smaller alleyway, heading back to the ship when a figure making his way past the crowd caught her eye. The padded shoulders looked suspiciously like the back of Atton’s preferred jacket.

She wove through the crowds until she found him again, a few feet in front of her, and tapped him on the shoulder. Atton twisted back in surprise, his grimace dropping once he realised who she was. “Hey Tam,” he said, glancing around them and turning to face her, his eyes skimming past the crowd behind her and not really taking her in. “How’re you liking Nar Shaddaa?”

“Hey,” she smiled at him. “It’s hasn’t changed since the last time I was here. I’m starting to remember why I left.”

“Yeah, me too.” They began to walk through the crowd. Atton grinned at her and then did a double take, stopping and turning to look at Tam, “Uh … hey, you alright?” he gestured to his face. “Why are you bleeding?”

Tam touched her face gingerly, her fingers coming back wet and red under the gas lamps.

“Here,” Atton rummaged in his pockets for something and handed her a clean white cloth, “hold that over it for a bit. Should stop soon.”

They found a less crowded alleyway and made their way over to a secluded set of buildings on one end of the street. They both sat down on a set of steps nearby while Tam held the cloth under her nose.

“I was thinking of hitting up an old pazaak den I used to frequent back in the day but it turns out the place was lost to a fire years ago,” he said conversationally, stretching his legs. “It’s apparently a luxurious high rise now, if you can believe it.” He seemed almost offended. “Now I’m out of places to go. No one had a deal like they did. Three hours of pazaak and you’d get a complimentary glass of ale. A whole glass! They just don’t make them like they used to.”

Tamara’s shoulders shook with quiet laughter, “It has not been your day today, has it?” Her voice was muffled behind the cloth.

“Hasn’t been my month, if we’re being honest. Things started turning for the worse about the time I got to Peragus.” Atton turned and smirked at her. “I guess all that money you’re paying me for my role as pilot is just going to have to stay in my pockets for a little while longer. It’s a real damn shame.”

The cloth hid Tamara’s guilty expression, but she wasn’t able to chase the guilt out of her voice entirely. “You know, I owe you a lot for sticking around. I’ll tell you what, if we somehow strike it big I’ll give you my share of the loot after we’ve split it between the crew.”

Atton rolled his eyes. “‘Between the crew’?? Tell me we’re not giving your fanboy a share.”

Tamara groaned, “You’re an asshole.”

“Hey, it comes with the territory,” Atton said, gesturing to the alleyway around them. He leaned back on his elbows and took a deep, dramatic breath, “Never a dull moment on the Shad.”

Tam glanced over at him, “I thought you couldn’t wait to get back here.”

“Not really. Just seemed like the right place to go after everything that happened on Peragus. Nar Shaddaa is a great place to hide. You could get murdered here and no one would probably ever know.”

“What a sad way to live,” Tamara said softly, sitting up and pulling the cloth away from her face.

“I suppose. Here, that’s just normal really. Only people here are the ones that can’t get out and the ones that don’t want to ‘cause it’s worse for them anywhere else in the galaxy.”

She twisted to look at him, “I can’t imagine that at all.”

“Yeah,” he said, a far-off look in his eyes.

She brought the cloth back to her face and they sat in silence for a little while longer.

“Well,” she made to stand up but Atton grabbed her elbow, keeping her in place. Tamara glanced questioningly at him and Atton snorted. “You’re really going to make me ask?” He nodded at the cloth in her hand.

Tamara took a breath and shrugged, settling back against the steps. “Sometimes it feels good to let loose.”

“Not when half the galaxy’s after you,” he cautioned, “the whole point of coming here was that we could blend in and be invisible.”

“You sound just like Kreia,” she snapped. Tamara leaned forward and looked down the other end of the alleyway. “I can’t catch a break from her. I was hoping you’d understand.”

“Here,” she felt Atton’s hand on her shoulder, “let me take a look.”

Tamara turned to him again and pulled the cloth away. Atton seized her jaw and tilted her face up so he could see it better.

“Yeah. Looks better. Should probably get you to the ‘Hawk to clean up fully. Maybe he’ll have a time running through all your diagnostics.” Atton shrugged innocently at the glare Tamara shot him. “I’m joking. The crew will be worried though. Should probably tell them I didn’t do it just to be safe.”

Tamara chuckled, “Why, is that a worry the others have?” Something crept into his face, although he was still as unreadable as ever.

“Who knows,” he said finally. He lifted her chin to let her face catch more light so that he could inspect the cut. Her nose didn’t seem broken from this angle. “Now, who pissed you off?”

“Some Quarren doing a slave run,” she responded sulkily, making a face and wincing as he ran a thumb underneath the cut on her cheek. He shot her a questioning look and she shook her head, “No it’s fine, just sore.”

He let go of her and leaned back. “Well, it seems fine to me,” he said. Tamara shrugged and shook her head.

“I killed him but not before he got…” she took a deep shuddering breath and buried her face in her hands. “He got his guards to … shoot them all.”

“You tried to take them on alone? Come on, Tam.”

“Not entirely. I rigged a speeder to crash into them. I thought it’d take the guards out but it blew up before it hit the right target. Then everything went south.” She sighed.

“No shit-” he caught himself before finishing the rest of his thought out loud. This was probably the last thing she wanted to hear. He went for a more neutral response.

“Well, fuck.”

She sighed. “Yup.”

“Well, if it’s slavers you want I got a whole list of common routes. We could camp one until we see a few slavers and take them down, what do you say?” Atton stood up, not entirely sure why he was helping her instead of bringing her back to the 'Hawk and keeping her out of trouble long enough for them to leave Nar Shaddaa without incident.

Tam stared up at him, quiet for a moment. “I honestly thought you were going to drag me back to the ship.”

“I got more fun things to do,” he flashed her a quick smile. Tamara smiled back at him, her grin lighting up the rest of her face underneath the tiny gas lamps in the alleyway.

Atton suddenly realised why he was doing this, alarms blaring in his mind like a ship in combat. He ran through ways to backpedal out of this little adventure in his head, coming up short at her harmless smile. His brain felt like it had turned to jelly.

“You’re the best,” she grabbed his arm and started walking down the alleyway. She was so close, so warm.

“Yeah,” he said breathlessly.

Tamara led them down the alley and gestured for Atton to lead, “Let’s not keep them waiting then.”

#kotor 2 #attonjaqrand #asktheexiledgeneral #atton rand #prompts #sorry for the wait. RL has been crazy #I haven't done an Atton fic in a while so I thought I'd do a little more writing for this one #thanks for the fun prompts <3 #as a side note I haven't written in this POV in ages and it's a little disorienting I hope it came out okay

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sovonight · 4 years ago

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true nature

(vamp/hunter au)

Atton tenses, and Cela is off of him in an instant, her lips already shaping an apology.

"Am I too--"

"You're taking too long." While he hates seeing her weak, he hates how she's been hovering over him more. "You're treating me like I'm--" porcelain, comes to mind, then precious, which brings a confusing twinge to his heart, "--weak."

He reaches for the first few fastenings of his shirt, making quick, rough work of the task her tentative fingers had lingered on too long, and bares the curve between his neck and his shoulder. "Come on. You're hungry, aren't you?"

"I am," Cela whispers, voice as weak as she looks, and gaze fixed upon his bared skin, almost against her own will. "But I don't want to--"

"Hurt me?" The empty sentiment is familiar, related by any vampire holding onto their facade of a human heart. While Cela's put up a cute fight with all her insistence that she keep him safe, the act is getting old. "I don't know what kind of kill is haunting you, but I'm not like them. I've been trained; I can stop you if you take too much."

He's grown used to the stare of her sharp, intelligent eyes, but feels their absence now as they go blank to process the meaning of his words. Hunger is powering down rational thought in favor of instinct, and whether or not she has the presence of mind left to believe him, tonight ends the same way.

When her gaze returns, however, it doesn't snap back to his neck-- it snakes down his torso, running over his stomach and hips. For a moment, he wonders if he'd misread the depth of her hunger, but she pulls the knife from his belt and presses it into his hand.

"With this," she says, her cold hand tight around his fingers, made to wrap around the handle. Her eyes are dark with hunger, yet something resolute still lurks behind them. "Can you stop me with this?"

"Easily," he says.

"Then I won't hold back."

And before he can smirk and privately revel in seeing her finally show her true nature, she pushes him down and sinks her teeth in.

* * *

The darkness above spins, and his head is far, far away as he lays half conscious on a sea of fabric. As his vision returns, the sea coalesces into a four poster bed, all curtains drawn but one, through which is a window his foggy mind registers as familiar. This is Cela's room.

It takes forever to lift his hand, but less to direct it to the side of his neck. He knows that if he stood before a mirror, he would see twin punctures in his skin, and a bruise formed beneath the crescent imprints of her teeth. The soreness in his shoulder builds until he cannot touch her marks any longer, and his arm falls heavily to his side.

Something jumps at the fall, tipping over the edge of the out-of-focus side table to clatter to floor, ringing loud in the otherwise quiet room. A blurry figure approaches, becoming clearer as it does, and bends down to retrieve the fallen item: his knife.

"You should keep this close," Cela says.

"Still worried you're going to kill me?" Atton says, his first words slow upon a dull tongue. Cool fingers reach over to brush his tousled hair aside, cupping his face as though to test its warmth before withdrawing back to her side.

"It makes me feel better," is all Cela says as she sits at the side of the bed, the mattress dipping for her weight. She picks something up off the side table and sets it up before him-- a tray of food.

"I'm not sure what you need," Cela admits. "I never thought I would... ever again. Perhaps I should have listened to more of Kreia's lessons."

"No, this is fine," Atton says. He tries to sit up, doing his best to pretend it doesn’t send his vision swimming, but by the looks of Cela's expression, he's not doing too good a job of it. Collapsing back into the covers, he gives up. "Gonna tell me why I'm so sore?"

"Tension," Cela says. "You... writhed, a lot. I held you down."

"So, we didn't...." He trails off long enough, and Cela looks at him with clear, curious eyes, then laughs.

"No. I've heard that it can feel like that, though."

"Only heard? Didn't you feel it when you were turned?"

She looks thoughtfully down at the covers for a moment, gaze lost in memory.

"Not really. But I am strange," she says. "I never felt such things to begin with."

She nudges the tray forward, a clear change in subject.

"You should drink some water, at least," she says. "You look like you need it."

"So I look like shit," Atton grumbles. "Nothing new."

Still, he makes another effort to prop himself up, and succeeds in shuffling himself higher against the fluffed pillows at his back. Then he notices that he's in a loose, pullover shirt... not the buttoned one he'd been wearing. His jacket, too, has mysteriously vanished from his person.

"I gave you access to my blood. I didn't say you could strip me," he says. Cela looks embarrassed.

"You-- I... made a mess. I didn't want your shirt to stain." As though aware that he'd find it a poor excuse, she adds, "It's alright, I didn't touch anything else."

"And my belt?"

"Well-- you can't sleep wearing a belt," Cela says, so firmly disapproving and stern over something so mundane that he laughs.

"Sure I can. I do it all the time."

"It's not right," Cela insists. "It's uncomfortable."

"And you care about my comfort, do you?"

"Of course I do," she says. She's got that soft look in her eyes again, the one that makes his heart twinge and feel weak. It doesn’t feel so bad like this, though-- not now that she’s taken him seriously.

"So, what did you think?" He finds himself asking. “How was I?“

"Your taste, was--"

"No, not that," Atton interrupts, before his face can go hot. “I meant....”

And in a realization that should hit harder than it does, he finds that he meant to ask what she had thought of him-- if she had found his body, not the contents of it, to her liking. Now that his head has had time to clear, he remembers how she had undressed him: her cold, efficient fingers had made quick work of his shirt and stripped it away, damp with blood. She'd sponged the last traces of salt and iron from his skin, and after easing a fresh shirt over his head, had carried him to bed and left him there, alone. She had looked as though she would have stayed, though. She had looked...

"You were very warm," Cela answers for him, when he never elaborates. His face is hot now anyway, and she smiles, wistful, at his flushed cheeks. "I don't need warmth, anymore... but I miss it."

"So come in and join me."

They both freeze speechless at that, and it takes Atton about five mortified seconds to realize the words were his, and spoken aloud. Cela, on the other hand, waits those seconds to grace him with another smile.

"You're sweet like this," she says, softly.

"Is that a yes?" He blurts out before his mind even has a chance to vet what he’s saying-- stupid, what is wrong with him? But his words no longer charm her, and the smile falls from Cela's lips as her expression closes off into an unreadable mask once again.

"I should leave," she says, withdrawing. "We will not speak again until your mind is clear... you'll thank me."

He doesn't think so. Then again, even he knows he's lost it-- first offering himself to her, then inviting her to join him. She leaves the room, and he lets his head fall back against the pillows with a frustrated sigh, willing unconsciousness to take him before his thoughts do.

#vamp exile au #sovo writes #atton: my heart hurts bc i'm not being taken seriously! not bc i'm being cared for and i'm afraid to think the care is real

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