#kr shouts into the void

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

i know this blog is pretty dead but man I miss so many of the mutuals I made through the stray kids and ateez fandoms. I'm not even sure how many are still on Tumblr, due to URL changes and making new accounts and the like.

[audaciouscontessa]

i swear I'm working on a drawing for davekat week but i like only remembered about the week today so it's a bit slow. it'll be cute though

[knightlycrow]

[kincringeemporium]

My time in the otherkin community and how it harmed me

I’m submitting this to existing blogs instead of posting it on my own- I don’t want to be attacked, and I’m honestly scared of losing followers if I say this. With that being said, here we go. -KR

I’d like to share my experience in the otherkin community and how it has harmed me.

I used to identify as a red fox therian, dragonkin, and fictionkin of three characters, namely Peridot from SU. I identified with even more fictotypes at on each point, but luckily I was able to drop them. I had a blog that was pretty popular and respected at one point but I took it down. 

Early in fall 2015, my depression was worsening and I felt like a void. I felt empty as I was losing connection to myself because of developing anhedonia. I came across otherkin on YouTube at one point, and I related to their experiences of wanting to be part of the wild, walk in family-like groups, and play the role of animals I closely connected to. Heck, I still like the thought of that whole concept. Eventually I came across the Tumblr side of things, and everything basically became a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

I started looking for “memories” via meditation, and because I expected to see them, alas, I found “memories.” 

I felt extremely connected to foxes and Peridot (I still do, but obviously no longer in a kin way) so those were my “main kintypes.” 

It was ignorant bliss for a while, using the kin identity as a comfort/coping mechanism, but slowly I had lots of self-doubt over my newfound kin identity, and I pushed it all away, ignored it, because I wanted so desperately to be my favorite characters and fill the void my depression had been leaving me. 

Repressing my doubt would only hurt me. I had a identity crisis over something that wasn’t even a real part of me. 

Trust me though, many parts of this whole phase felt very real though. I had “phantom shifts” (a result of my vivid imagination), “"physical dysphoria” (which I think is worth mentioning only happened once), and even "memories.” 

Let me tell you about those memories, by the way. There were vivid and spontaneous as hell, and I swear to you they felt very real. I felt some Deja vu  too and they were very well triggered by events that “reminded” me of said memory. Walking through the halls of the a gem spaceship as I handed some homework to my teacher, licking my lips at some very juicy looking blue berries when the smell of perfume smelled familiar to me, etc. I never had them before I started identifying as kin. And you know what? I never hadn’t thema gain after I dropped the kin label, either. As real as it feels, some things are just fabrications- you don’t need to be doing it consciously for it to be all in your head. 

I also took the smallest parts about me and used them as explanations for being kin, as traits brought over from past lives. I thought my affinity for the forest and eating meat was part of being foxkin, although they are very normal things humans can feel. Also because I share a lot of quirks with Peridot, I thought they were traits from lives before. When really, they were just normal things that I developed in this life- such as scratching my forehead where her gem would’ve been. I did this isnce I was a child, but it was actually one of my coping mechanisms for my anxiety, not because something felt missing on my forehead. 

Other excuses I used to “prove” my kin identity:

A strong pull to the forest (which is honestly pretty normal), liking to eat meat,  being able to predict what would happen in a certain series (most of the time, these are coincidences), my fear of fire and the dark (again, very normal), wanting to fly, relating to characters and feeling strongly connected to them, wanting to be a part of the fictional series I liked (honestly, who doesn’t want to be a part of their favorite movie, show or book?)

I would also make up things and overexaggerate certain memories or feelings in order to make myself feel more “valid.” When watching or reading “my canon” I forced myself to give myself anxiety during scenes my kintypes would be stressed in, and felt horrible over nothing. 

My time in the otherkin community started in September 2015. I got so deep into it that I couldn’t pull myself out until late spring of 2016, where I forced myself to give it up. I was legitimately very upset, as I was very attached to my delusion and surrounded my identity around it- like I said, I felt like a void. I barely had one at the time. 

I eventually started calling myself otherhearted instead. Otherhearted is just a way to say you feel very connected to a character and still feel special about it. I ditched that eventually, too, and just started collecting “comfort characters”- which, honestly, is more healthy than identifying as kin, hearted, or even copinglink will ever be. 

I’m honestly very proud of being able to get rid of this before it got worse. Unfortunately, it left some lasting effects.

Because of the whole kin phase, I lost trust in myself and started doubting myself on parts of my identity I knew were 100% true, but I couldn’t believe myself on what was logically and emotionally true just because I was wrong that ONE time. My anxiety increased in general, honestly. I think it’s safe to say that if I was never otherkin, my anxiety wouldn’t have made a comeback like this.

Before older and more experienced therein get mad at me and shout “just because you were delusional, it doesn’t mean all of us are” I’m not saying that all kin are delusional or fake, but I’m saying that VERY lightly. Maybe your memories are real and you really are a wacky dragon, elf, and Lapis Lazuli thing,  I don’t know.

But what I want people to get from this is: identifying as kin, using it as a coping mechanism, etc CAN be harmful, and is most likely a phase. If you identify as kin, I just want to look over your reasons for being kin and see if they are caused by something else, or coincidence. Did you have ‘traits’ of being kin before or after you started identifying as it? How did you start being kin- were you using it as a coping mechanism initially, had a desire to be your favorite animal or character, or feel special? Be honest with yourself. Honesty is the key factor to finding out if you are really kin. Instead of looking for things that might validate your kintypes, look for things that disprove it. 

Trust me, you could really help yourself in the long run.

-KR

[alukaforyou]

do u just overthink a lil and get into a bood but then all ur other unrelated bad feels resurface for no reason and coalesce into one xxl BOOD like ya..

but then u dont even physically feel negative emotions anymore cuz ur dissociating(?) for the most part loool omg im just laughing @ myself here yall 😂

well anyways i changed my mind, that vague one liner post was not, in fact, Enough so im just gonna release all my boods into the void™ that is tunglr dot com :^) 

can someone like,, idk maybe end my mcfreakin life perhaps, question mark,,,,,, asking for a friend LMFAO 😂

so guess whos in a sad art spot again? me, but when am i not lmfao @ god can i please draw one(1) good thing every now and then c’mon throw me a bone here.. haha i mcfreakin h8 complaining abt art online cuz i sound like such a dumbass piss baby/ingrate/FOOL but what can i do i rly h8 it sometimes lol how does it feel like to be satisfied w what u make? who is she god i wish i were that me id love to experience it some day lol mMMmMMM i need to work harder :3c~~

ok but nvm that its not even my Main Issue rn cuz the real Main Issue is that i am a fool & i wish i could rewire my brain or smth cuz!!!!! y!!!! do!! i!! keep!!! having illogical bad!! thoughts!!! like for ex: “wow u r so fun n cool i am glad we met :^)” me @ me: ok she hates u n this is fake also u should never speak to her again LMAO BOOD x100 send help :’^) also, major shout out to every1 who has ever talked 2 me first cuz im a scurred lil shit and my friendship initiating skills r -13546840

but like also,.. ALSO, on the flip side i love it when no1 talks to me and i dont have to talk to any1 else either i just love being left alone lol thanks what a RELIEF,, which is like rly lame and sad cuz then u dont make MORE friends and ah :^( science explain y i am like This. (btw not rly applicable to online friends cuz idk its not as scary i think hm but the problem w online friends is that im especially busy during the school yr n dont have time to live chat a lot so im sry if i go mia for like MONTHS aaaa yikes)

also im stressed tf out cuz i havent studied japanese properly in like A WEEK or MORE so wtf @ myself feels sbad i could b studying rn but noo im just marinating in bad feels

but like going back to that one other Point, im just gonna write this out in kr cuz 1. practice and 2. im assuming most of my friends here dont speak/read kr so i would b embarrassing myself less but then again maybe not cuz who knos wat kind of atrocious errors i’d make lmao im like,, not even that Bad at it but im always paranoid AF whenever i have to publicly write anything in a lang other than eng aeklrjnkaeljr rip me

왜, 그러니까, 친한 친구들끼리 장난으로 '아 나너 진짜 싫어,'  '저리가' 뭐 이런 말 하잖아요?? 최근에 사귄 친구들이 그런 표현을 쓸데, 어쩔땐 장난인지 아닌지 잘 모르겠네요.... 당연히 장난으로 하는 농 같지만 생각하면 생각할스로 '아, 얘 나 진짜 싫어한가봐' 라는 불쾌한 생각들이 자꾸 마음에 걸리적거리내요. 아니, 진짜 싫다면 만나고 함께 시간을 보내지 않겠지요???? 싫으면 시집가!!!ㅋㅋㅋ 같이 있는 것만으로도 '우리 친구하자' 라는 의미 아니겠습니까?? 그럼에도 불구하고 왜 자꾸 이런 재수없는 생각들이????????? 저 완전 바보 아닙니까?ㅋㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ 오랫동안 알고 있었던 친구들이랑은 이런 생각이 안드는데,,,요새 학교에서만난 친구들이랑 있을 때 마다 왠지 좀 불안합니다......

omg i have more to say but TO BE CONTINUED LATER also i tried putting that whole thing into google translate just to see how it’d come out and its so wrong, oh god, SO WRONG do not google translate that pls lmfao

[a-unicorn-with-a-pen]

Bleeding Colour: A Drabble by a-unicorn-with-a-pen

Hip hop is the opposite of technology. Hip hop is what the human body does: breaking, DJing, graffiti writing… Put a writing utensil in any kid’s hand at age two or three. They will not write on a paper like they’ll later be socialized to do, they will write on the walls. They’re just playing. That’s human. Graffiti reminds you of your humanity, when you scrawl your self-expression on the wall. Hip hop helps us to see things in the world in new ways. -Lawrence Krisna Parker A.K.A. “KRS-One”

The wall had been huge and grey and blank. A really ordinary sight in the city. TJ supposed that was why someone had left the spray cans in a box next to it, and written “go for it” (with a little smiley face at the end).

Now the wall was covered in marks. The marks of people’s expression, taking the shape of scrawling words and multicoloured flames and birds flying into the sunset. He had driven past the wall every day for weeks, hoping one day he’d have time to leave a mark of his own. Today was that day.

He’d had time to form an idea in his mind of how it would look and what it would mean. When he picked the right colour can and a spot on the wall – his spot, which he’d been eyeing off – there was no need for hesitation.

He liked to take his time enjoying the feeling of painting a piece of himself onto the canvas of the world. It was a shout in the void, but also the loudest way of saying what he wanted to say. Each stroke was a crucial chapter, all of them forming together into a heartfelt story.

Footsteps came around the corner of the building. Momentarily he glanced back, and he saw a young woman – his age, maybe a little older – wearing a pencil skirt and heels and carrying a parcel with the Australia Post logo on it. She must have worked in one of the office spaces in the building. Seeing her gave TJ a sudden and odd pang of guilt, like he was doing something he shouldn’t. But he kept his back turned to her and his eyes focused on his work. There was no confrontation and she walked right by.

He had to remind himself that this wasn’t one of the buildings back in his home town, where graffiti was vandalism. Someone had openly offered this wall as an artistic outlet. There was nothing wrong with accepting the offer, no matter how his mind had been trained to stick to paper and nylon canvas.

“Walls are not for drawing on. You hear me young man?”

“TJ! How many times do I have to tell you?”

“You know that’s not the right thing to have done to someone else’s property.”

“You’ll get yourself in real trouble one day.”

Keeping his form of self-expression confined in the pages of a book or stuck to a frame which could be picked up and shifted so easily had been a difficult thing to commit to at times. Drawing on the walls was just instinct – like a calling. Something he couldn’t explain, but would try to describe for hours to anyone who would listen.

As a kid growing up, TJ never missed an opportunity to sneak in the odd scribble on a surface he wasn’t supposed to. Most of the places he’d ever sat at in school had some discreet symbol sketched onto the chair or desk, unnoticeable among the many others of its kind from previous students. When he was bored or felt trapped, there was something practically cathartic about etching something straight onto a surface – where it may stay forever, if fate were kind enough. When he left the world, there would be so many places in it where painters and cleaners had missed covering up his mark on it.

“That’s nice,” a voice spoke from behind him. He turned to see the young woman in the pencil skirt, her arms now empty. She smiled at him. “What’s it going to be?”

“A butterfly.” He shrugged, offering a polite smile in return before turning back to the wall. He didn’t hear her walk off. Soon he noticed her in his periphery, coming closer to get a better view.

“Does it mean something?” When he glanced at her, she apologised. “Sorry, it’s just… most people who draw on this wall have a lot to say about it.”

“You’ve met them?”

“Some. It’s weird – walls that people aren’t supposed to touch get covered in junk and bad language, but when a whole wall is anyone’s for the taking only the serious artistic types step up.”

He chuckled at that. “I guess that kind of ‘art’ is more to do with the thrill of breaking rules.”

“True.” She tilted her head back and gazed up at the rest of the street art.

“It’s to do with appreciating the small moments that make up life,” he answered, not looking at her but at the task at hand, “Butterflies having short lives and all.”

“Is street art your only thing?”

“No, I’m a visual art student. There aren’t always chances to write on the walls, but I like to try it when I can.”

“It seems like one of those things… I don’t know, that maybe people should accept more. Such a human thing, to want to draw things on the walls even though we’re taught not to. I don’t think we should let that go.”

“Are you an artist?” he asked, turning to look at her.

“Not that kind, no. I appreciate visual art, but I lack talent.” She smiled and shrugged.

“What do you do then?”

“I write stories. Words help me make sense of things. I can create another world to journey to whenever I want where things are balanced and right. It’s vain escapism, basically.”

“I’ll just act like I know what that means,” TJ admitted. She laughed.

“Well, I can’t wait to see it when it’s done. I’d better get back to work.”

“See you then. I mean, maybe.”

“Yeah, see you.” Her heels clicked off and disappeared around the corner.

The finished butterfly was comprised of short sprays in every colour can to make an unpatterned rainbow. He had made sure that it was as bright as possible and that the colour bled over the imaginary outline of the butterfly’s shape. Even though the butterfly’s life was short, just like a moment in time, it could be filled with colour and was able to change things beyond itself in that time.

As TJ was getting back in his car, parked across the street, he saw someone standing at the wall. It was Pencil Skirt Girl. Although he couldn’t see her face, he watched her head tilt as she examined the finished artwork. He imagined the wheels turning in her brain, trying to make sense of the object’s meaning. Maybe she was even just smiling up at it because she thought it was pretty. He liked to imagine it was one of those things, and kept that assumption in mind as he turned the keys and drove away.

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

probably says smth about the kpop blogs i still follow that are active, that i only just found out there was a Skz single released 2 weeks ago and I didn't see a single post about it. I know it's for a Japanese drama but I remember people talking about other singles like that before so it really caught me off guard to have it recommended by spotify today.

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

My redraw of San from the All to Zero concept photos is genuinely my favorite so far, can't wait to post it. My original drawing of him was probably my least favorite of the four drawings I completed back in 2019, so it's especially exciting to see the old and new drawings side-by-side. Scheduling for it to post tomorrow!

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

Working on my San redraw, the Jongho redraw will be posted later :D

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

WIP for my Mingi redraw!

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

hi I'm back from the dead

do i redraw old ateez fanart. I've been like, actually catching up with their discography after falling off for a while (tbh i just stopped keeping up with so many artists' new music for a good while) and I'm feeling things

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

switched from @/kim-hongjoong-enthusiast to @/hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast! please interact so I know who has seen!

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

All of the songs by TBZ/KARD/Triple H on my main playlist are back? Have all the artists whose music was taken down from Spotify been put back?

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

Mobile Guide

Hello, I'm KR! This is just a guide with info from my desktop blog that I figured would be most useful.

About Me:

she/her pronouns

multi stan

main groups are ATEEZ, Stray Kids, and Day6, but I reblog content for a lot of different artists

main blog: @knightlycrow

Tagging:

My original tags are: kr shouts into the void (most regular posts), kr answers (ask posts), k8edraws (art), kr attempts to be funny (memes)

groups are tagged with their full name most of the time; exceptions are TXT and BTS

individual artists/members get tagged with their real names, not stage names; for artists with various different names (korean vs english, etc) feel free to ask if you are having trouble finding the correct tag

further organization tags include: fanart, video, gifs, memes

Last updated: February 03, 2023

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

Tumblr Accent Challenge.

Your name and username:

My name is Katie-Rose–that is hyphenated–And my username is kim-hongjoong-enthusiast, but my main account is conjunction-of-crows.

Where you’re from:

I am from Ohio, United States.

Pronounce the following words:

aunt, roof, route, theater, iron, salmon, caramel, fire, water, New Orleans, Pecan, both, again, probably, Alabama, lawyer, coupon, mayonnaise, pajamas, caught, naturally, aluminum, GIF, Tumblr, Crackerjack, doorknob, envelope, GPOY.

What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?:

Um, toilet-papering, I suppose.

What is a bubbly carbonated drink called?:

Soda or pop. I personally use soda.

What do you call gym shoes?:

I snick– bluh. I switch between sneakers and, uh tennis-shoes.

What do you call your grandparents?:

My father’s parents, I call grandpa and grandma. My mother’s parents, I call mamaw and papaw.

What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?:

A cart.

What is the thing you change the TV channel with?:

A remote.

Choose a book and read a passage from it.:

This is the first sentence and then the first full paragraph of Clockwork Angel by Cassandra Clare.

The Demon exploded in a shower of ichor and guts.

William Herondale jerked back the dagger he was holding, but it was too late. The viscous acid of the demon’s blood had already begun to eat away at the shining blade. He swore and tossed the weapon aside; it landed in a filthy puddle and commenced smoldering like a doused match. The demon itself, of course, had vanished–dispatched back to whatever hellish world it had come from, though not without leaving a mess behind.

Do you think you have an accent?:

Um, doesn’t everyone? Like, if someone from Australia or England heard me speaking, they would think I had an American accent, I suppose.

Would you rather be a wizard or a vampire?

Uh, vampire, but mostly because I think having fangs would be like, really sexy. Eheh.

Do you know anyone on Tumblr in real life?

Yes. My best friend, Tiernan. Uh, We went to school together before graduation.

End audio post by saying any THREE words you want.

Um… stan Day6.

[hwang-hyunjin-enthusiast]

i will come for people's necks if they try to come for me bc i like b/t/s while also being vocal about my disdain for a good portion of their fanbase.

i can enjoy someone's music while acknowledging that their fanbase can be toxic as hell.