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grocery store receipts (sunghoon)
SUMMARY: your hot neighbor seems to have everything you donât: charm, confidence, and a sense of direction in life. youâve managed to keep to yourself in the time youâve lived across from his apartment but the holiday season brings brings out unresolved feelings, and you find that the best present of all has always been standing right in front of you.
WORD COUNT: 31.5K.
PLAYLIST: I ended up making one for this fic
NOTES: consider this a love letter to sunghoon. this story had three plots before it became what it is right now. Iâm not somebody who generally enjoys the holidays but wish I could be, so this is a bit of a diary entry, of sorts. (me to me: itâs really not that serious.)
and thanks to @moonstruck-muses for being the best person I knowâŚI love who I am when Iâm with you and Iâm so grateful that you ended up tagging along to oomfâs house all those months ago. kinda hilarious that I knew youâd be a jake girl before you did, but I think that sums up the kind of friendship we have. đŠˇ
WARNINGS: fluff & angst, mentions of poor childhoods and bad parental relationships, a whole lot of Christmas talk, smut in the form of: dry humping, oral (f. receiving), missionary, sunghoonâs kinda obsessed with her chest, multiple orgasms, fingering. unprotected sex, creampie, and typos, probably.
MASTERLIST
****
âDid you bring the sweater?â
Jake holds up a large white paper bag and pulls out the fabric, pushing the decorative detail in your direction. âBoom. Youâll win the ugly sweater competition, no doubt.â
âItâs not a contest.â You take the bag from him and Jake beams at you with that boyish smile he has when he gets excited about something. You feel a bit soft that heâs excited for you. âBut thank you for letting me borrow it.âÂ
Heeseung grabs the sweater and holds it up in front of him. âThisâŚis something else. Why do you have it in the first place?â
âItâs got a disco dance floor with breakdancing gingerbread men,â Jake deadpans. âItâs snowing inside the club. Why wouldnât I buy it?â
Jay laughs. âHe saw it at a thrift store last Christmas and bought it on a whim. I donât think heâs worn it, so itâs good that youâre taking it off his hands.â
âI still want it back even if I have nowhere to wear it to.âÂ
You bump Jakeâs hip. âYou could always wear it to run errands.âÂ
He makes a face. âIâm not that crazy.âÂ
Heeseung folds the sweater and puts it back in the bag before handing it off to you for safekeeping when all four of you walk deeper into the bar. Itâs cold outside. Itâs the kind of weather that has you layered up in a scarf and a large peacoat that shields you from the chilly bite of the air. Summer has long passed and spring isnât for another few months, and the joy you feel from the temperature dropping echoes within the warm bar you find yourself in. The juxtaposition of snowy air met with a warm furnace feels comforting in all of the right ways.
You offer to get a table and hum in appreciation with Jay and Jake volunteer to split the first round. They know your order on a weekday eveningâwhiskey sourâbecause you donât like to go overboard when you have to wake up early the next morning. Heeseung slides into the booth beside you and nudges your shoulder.
âAre you still interested in the Marketing Lead position? I heard Kang Eunjiâs transferring to the Tokyo office and that the company is looking to hire internally.â
âNow how would you know that, Lee Heeseung?â He shrugs with an uptick to the corner of his mouth.
âI have my ways.â
âDid you, by any chance, flirt with our floorâs secretary to get this information?âÂ
Heeseungâs cheeks reddens. âItâs not my fault that sheâs into me, okay?! Iâve turned her down plenty of times because I donât do workplace relationships, but Iâll make an exception if that means helping my best friend get promoted.â
âPoor girl. She probably thinks youâre stringing her along.â Heeseung rolls his eyes.
âIâm doing nothing of that sort. I just smiled at her, complimented her dress, and asked if the rumors about Eunji leaving were true.âÂ
âYou walk through life getting everything you want handed to you, huh?â Heeseung smiles innocently but the two of you end up sharing a laugh.Â
âIâm serious, though. I donât know how much I can help since everybody in the office knows weâre close. Theyâll definitely think I bias you over other candidates.â
âDonât you?âÂ
âWell yeah, but letâs consider there are a few other people whose words matter more than mine.âÂ
âThat is awfully nice of you. Iâm a little concerned that you might have something up your sleeve but I appreciate you.âÂ
He laughs. âDonât worry. Iâll make sure you have a good Christmas.â The boyish smile he wears makes you feel tender but you push against him anyway.
âYouâre a little scary when youâre nice to me.âÂ
âWhat? I canât be nice to the girl who spilled hot coffee down my shirt the first time we met?â
You mumble. âIâm clumsy.â
âAre we talking about you being an absolute klutz?â Jay puts your drink in front of you. âIf so, do you remember the time we were playing tennis in my backyard and you tripped over grass?â
âOkay, okay! I get it. I have terrible coordination and fine motor skills.â You hide your smile behind the glass and thank them for the drink before Jake speaks up.
âYouâll have to send me a picture of you in the sweater. I want to put it up in my fridge, or something. Whatâs it for anyway?â
âThe company Heeseung and I work at hosts spirit month every holiday season,â you explain. âEvery Friday is casual dress day, but starting in the first week of November, thereâs a holiday theme and I think itâs fun to dress up.â
âIâm surprised at how many people do it,â Heeseung chimes in.
âIâm sure we can find one day that works for you.â
âIâll only consider dressing up if you can make it look tasteful.â
âPlease just dress up once,â you beg. âYou can wait until it gets close to Christmas. Besides, youâd look good in some of the categories.â
âWhat are the themes?â Jay asks.
âNext week is Winter Wonderland and the week after that is Red Day. Iâm pretty sure thereâs a Pajama Day somewhere.â
âWell, I might show up to the office in sweats.â
âThatâs the spirit!â
âI wish my job did something fun.â Jake pouts behind his beer. âIâm in a lab all day so even if I wore something festive, itâs covered by a white coat.â
Jay laughs. âYou act like being able to wear a white coat is a bad thing.â
âIt is when you canât see break dancing gingerbread men.â Â
âHave you guys started Christmas shopping?â Heeseung stares at the drink in his hand as if a lightbulb hangs over his head. âAll this holiday talk made me realize I havenât started thinking about what to get my friends and family. I have absolutely no idea what to get you guys.â
âYou could get me a free week at your clientâs fancy hotel.â Heeseung looks at Jay and deadpans, whereas the younger boy laughs.
âIâd get myself a weekend vacation before I give it to you.â He sighs. âIt would be fun if all four of us could go on a vacation away from Seoul, though. No worries, no work, and no responsibilities.â
âThe labâs slowing down and Iâve made a list of people I need to give gifts to.â Jake pulls his phone out and shows everybody the note on his phone, aptly titled âCHRISTMAS PRESENTS FOR THE HOMIES.â You try to see what heâs put beside your name but he pulls his phone away faster than you can read.
Jay looks at you. âIâll bet you've been prepared since summer.â
âIâm only put together when it comes to the holidays, Jay.â
âDoes that mean you have most of your gifts wrapped?âÂ
You nod proudly. âYou know me too well.â
âI want to know what you got me.âÂ
âNope, no guessing.â
âI donât think you can beat last yearâs gift for him,â Jake snickers. âPoor Jay almost had a heart attack when you were able to get his guitar signed by Hisashi Tonomura since you worked with him for a campaign.âÂ
âThat was tricky because I didnât know how to ask for your guitar without tipping you off.â
âI knew you wanting to learn how to play was a bullshit excuse,â Jay says with a laugh. âBut looking back at it now, that really was a great gift.âÂ
Heeseung raises his eyebrows at you suggestively. âAre you getting anything for your cute next door neighbor?â You arenât tipsy by any means, but the mere mention of the hot guy who lives across the hall from your apartment makes your cheeks feel warm. The guys laugh when you look away from them and you hear their laughter ringing in your ears as you try to maintain your shyness.
âNo, Heeseung. It would be weird of me to get a gift for someone I barely know.â
âMaybe you should!â Jake nudges your knee with the tip of his shoe. âYou guys could fall in love for all anybody knows.âÂ
You smile weakly. âIâm too scared to talk to him. Heâs soâŚhot.âÂ
Jay snorts. âSo you tell us.âÂ
Your neighbor, who you and the guys have dubbed âThe Stranger,â moved into your building nearly a year ago. In that time, you havenât mustered up the courage to say anything to him. You keep it at awkward eye contact when you see him leaving or arriving at the same time and begin daydreaming the minute you lock your door behind you. His dark hair, striking brown eyes, and pouty lips is enough to make him the subject of your waking thoughts.Â
Your friends seem to overestimate your confidence and encourage you to talk to The Stranger, but your resolve crumbles every time you make eye contact with him. Surely a man like that belongs only in fairy tale books or those clichĂŠ romance novels middle-aged women seem to like so much. Heâs always impeccably dressed with fitted clothing and a clean face that never seems to have blemishes. He must be well off because you recognize name brands adorning his chiseled body.
His demeanor intimidates you too. The Stranger always stands with his chin parallel to the floor and walks with his shoulder held back as if invisible books were stacked on top of his head. The way he carries himself makes you think heâs confident and it intimidates you because youâre anything but. The Stranger is always polite, acknowledging you if he happens to see you around your shared hallway, but he remains aloof with barely a glance before disappearing. He is every bit tall, dark, and handsome, and youâre a little too unsure of yourself to ever make the first move.Â
Heeseung, your closest friend since you moved to Seoul, always tells you thereâs nothing to fear and that rejection isnât the end of the world. You try to take his advice but Heeseung is the type of person who never has never had to worry about rejection because people are lining up the doors for him. Heâs got a charming personality that almost certainly helped secure his promotion at the company you two work. Heâs also got enough charisma and good looks to hook women in. Heeseung doesnât have to lift a finger to get anybody to pay attention to him. Besides, youâd rather live in this yearning stage of your life than face the awkwardness of seeing him after he rejects you.Â
(âIf he rejects you,â you hear Heeseungâs voice say in the back of your mind.)
Itâs the same for Jay and Jake, too. Theyâre both incredibly handsome and know their way around people, even if theyâre a bit shy at times. Jake especially, who has a clear accent in the way he speaks, can easily make friends with anybody at the mere mention of the way he speaks. Jay attracts people left and right because of his chiseled jawline and the fact that heâs musically gifted, and people stay because heâs incredibly compassionate and attentive.
You love your friends because theyâre wonderful people who always seem to know how youâre feeling and what youâre thinking before you can tell them. But youâre a little bit envious that the world seems to work out for them without doing too much. You find that your experiences have the opposite outcome and youâve had your fair share of rejection stories across every aspect of your life. All of your insecurities have been with you from childhood until now, and trying to be the bigger person is becoming harder every single day. Itâs probably what keeps you from doing anything but approach the attractive man that lives across from you. The Stranger is simply somebody too beautiful and you arenât sure if youâre worthy enough to be somebody he can look at.Â
âHeâs hot and single.â Heeseung puts his hand on his chin. âDoesnât seem like a problem to me.âÂ
âWe donât know that heâs single.â
âI wish I knew what he looked like.â Jake pouts at his beer. âWho doesnât have an Instagram or social media?âÂ
âYouâre one to talk. You barely post on Instagram and every picture you have is outdated. Iâm pretty sure the only person who cares enough is Jay.âÂ
The aforementioned speaks next. âHas he ever brought girls home before?âÂ
You shrug. âI donât think so?âÂ
âThere you have it. Heâs single, hot, and you should make a move on him! You never know whatâll happen.âÂ
âCan we drop it?â you ask, starting to feel a bit restless where you sit. âItâll happen if itâs meant to happen.â Jake sits back and tries to hide his sulk, although you know he only wants the best for you so you try not to feel annoyed.Â
âAre any of you going home for the holidays?â Jay asks to break the silence.Â
âProbably not,â Heeseung replies. âMy family wanted to go somewhere tropical and spending time in the heat doesnât sound too good to me. Iâll probably see them when they get back and make a weekend out of it.âÂ
âSame here.â Jake finishes off the rest of his beer. âMy brotherâs coming from Brisbane and my parents are spending it back home, but we agreed to meet up next year since they visited Seoul a few months back. You?â
âStaying here because my extended family will be here for a week or so. Iâve got some family obligations but they told me to take it easy now that Iâm living on my own.âÂ
âSounds like you guys will be bothering each other even more now, huh?â
Jay laughs. âYeah, I guess so. What about you? Are you going back home this year?âÂ
You look down at your hands. âI donât know yet. My mom keeps asking if she should expect me to come home but Iâve put off making that decision for a long time. Itâs just hard, you know? After dealing with my dad and everything that went down a few years agoâŚI donât know if Iâm ready to go back.âÂ
Her voice lingers in the back of your head the more you think about it. You donât talk to her often and leave phone calls with her around two to three times a week. She sends you Instagram reels she thinks are funny and you do your best to laugh at them too. But the reality is that talking to her about the holidays reminds you of everything youâre running away from.Â
Itâs been four years since you moved for a fresh start after university. Seoul used to be so big and enticing compared to the small fishing town you hail from. The streets smell like delicious savory and sweet goods instead of the raw stench of live bait and wet creatures. The lights that illuminate the night sky due to the gargantuan billboards make you feel like this city never truly sleeps because the next adventure is at armâs length. Itâs what youâve craved for so long and now that you have it, going back to your neighborhood is starting to make you feel guilty for achieving one of your dreams and leaving everything behind.Â
Your friends seem to know whatâs running through your head. Youâve been this way every winter since they met you. Heeseung gently nudges your arm with his elbow to pull you out of your thoughts. âYou donât have to do anything you donât want to, okay? Weâll be here for you.â
âI know. I just feel guilty for not going back home since I moved. Itâs a two hour train ride but I canât bring myself to buy the ticket. Itâs so hard to be in a place that brings you bad memories.â
âWeâll keep you company this Christmas,â Jake promises. âWe arenât going anywhere so thereâs no reason for you to be alone.âÂ
âThanks, guys. Iâm sorry that I brought the mood down.âÂ
âWhat else is drinking at bars for if not to lament about the sad shit?â Jake smiles when that pulls a laugh out of you.Â
âYeah, youâre right. But if Iâm hungover at work tomorrow, itâs your fault.â
***
Despite a difficult conversation that sparked haunting nostalgic memories to resurface at once, you managed to keep your drinking to a minimum and stopped yourself after a single cocktail. Heeseung dropped you off and promised to be back to carpool to work tomorrow, and the last thing you thought about before sleeping was The Stranger.Â
Your under eye bags arenât as groggy as they are when youâd drink the night away, but they still feel heavy underneath you. Moisturizer and concealer can only do so much to get rid of the dark circles on your face so you make do and send a silent prayer that youâll look decent for the entire day. Jakeâs ugly sweater hangs perfectly against your dresser and you do your best to style around the atrocious design, but it makes you smile to see such a ridiculous piece of clothing on your body. It reminds you that the holidays are beginning and you try to think about all of the festivities in the area instead of the looming doom of going back to your hometown during this time of year. You take a quick picture of yourself and send it in the group chat, thanking Jake for the impeccably horrible sweater. Once your work bag is packed, Heeseung tells you heâs parked outside of your apartment building.Â
You step outside and lock your door only to be greeted by The Stranger.
He blinks when he takes note of the dancing gingerbread men and cocks his head trying to make sense of him. The Stranger, on the other hand, is wearing a fitted longsleeve shirt that nearly molds around the muscles of his arm and baggy pants that somehow make him seem taller than you recall. His hands are adorned with silver jewelry and his shoes look like they might be as expensive as your monthly rent. Youâre starting to feel the juxtaposition of your outfit compared to his when he looks at you and the design of the fabric feels heavy on your shoulders.
âThat is an ugly sweater.â The Stranger widens his eyes and the tips of his ears turn a shade of pink when his words finally register. âI just mean that your sweater isâŚinteresting.âÂ
You canât help but laugh. âItâs alright. This sweater is really ugly.âÂ
âAny particular reason as to why youâre wearing it, then?âÂ
âTodayâs a holiday spirit day at work,â you explain to him. âEvery Friday has a different theme and today just so happens to be Ugly Sweater Day.â
âI hope you get a consolation prize because, wowâŚthat truly is an atrocious piece of clothing.â
The two of you start to make your way towards the elevator, and stand in awkward silence as you wait for it to reach your floor. You see him stealing glances at the design and feel your neck warming up, and start to wish you could take it off. The thought of this outfit being The Stranger's first impression of you makes you feel humiliated, but Heeseung is waiting for you outside and Jake didnât give it to you just for it to hang in your closet.Â
The chime alerts you to the doors opening and The Stranger allows you to get in first. You're about to press the button for the lobby when he beats you to it. You settle into an uncomfortable silence, resisting the urge to itch your palms and shift awkwardly to avoid drawing attention to yourself. Everything about him screams opulence, from the way he stands to the way his cologne smells. You arenât sure that you can name the notes in the scent, but it smells extremely expensive. Even the way he stands makes you feel like you should fix your posture.Â
âIâm Sunghoon,â says The Stranger. His deep voice echoes in the elevator and your throat feels dry as you tell him your name. âIâll remember that for when we inevitably run into each other.âÂ
The lobby is fairly empty but you can see the hustle and bustle of city life when you look past the glass walls. Heeseung is sitting in his car, scrolling on his phone when Sunghoon opens the door for you and lets you walk out in front of him. You feel him looking at you and turn around one last time. He takes one more look at the sweater and nods.Â
âWell, uh, have a good spirit day at work.â
âT-Thanks!âÂ
You donât wait for his reaction and turn around to walk towards Heeseungâs car that you noticed has been recently washed. He unlocks the doors when he hears you tugging on the handles and looks at the sweater before bursting out into laughter.
âJesus, that sweater is so fucking ugly.âÂ
âThanks.âÂ
When you donât put your seatbelt on, Heeseung turns to see that youâre looking outside of the window. He darts his eyes to see if he can catch a glimpse of your line of sight but comes up empty. You look fresh for this hour of the morning and Heeseung wonders if the smile on your face is because of the upcoming spirit day.Â
âWhat are you looking at?â
You whip your head to your friend, who looks at you quizzically. âYou will not believe who I talked to this morning.âÂ
âWho? Santa?â Heeseung looks at the photo you sent in the group chat earlier. âNice selfie, by the way. You look like an elf.â
You swat his shoulder. âNo, dummy.â
âThen who did you meet?âÂ
âMy neighbor.â Heeseungâs jaw drops and you swat his shoulder again. He winces, but you canât find it in yourself to care too much and buckle yourself to his passenger seat. âWe gotta get to work. Drive and Iâll tell you.â
He grips the wheel and starts the fifteen minute journey. âDid you finally introduce yourself to him?âÂ
âNot quite. We walked out of our apartments at the same time. He said, and I quote, âThat is an ugly sweater.ââ
âI donât know whether to be happy or sorry for you.â
âI feel stupid because of all the days I had to run into him, it had to be today.â Heeseungâs seat warmers make it all that more enticing to sulk. You tug at the hem and inspect the design, feeling somewhat regretful that you chose to participate in todayâs spirit day. âI told him a little bit about why Iâm wearing it and he seemed to think it was funny.âÂ
âDoes he smell good?â You flick Heeseungâs arm, who laughs in the driverâs seat.
âShut up. But yeah, he really does.âÂ
âWhatâs his name?âÂ
âSunghoon.â Your mouth curves into a smile.Â
âSunghoon. Nice name. Sounds fancy.âÂ
âI guess so. He does wear a lot of name brands and high luxury fashion.â
âHis name definitely suits him, then.âÂ
To nobodyâs surprise, you have the best ugly sweater throughout the office. More people participated than you and Heeseung had originally guessed and the holiday-themed snacks your division manager provided was enough to boost office morale. The weather outside is getting darker earlier and you even feel a bit restless after sitting in your office for a while.Â
Heeseung watches you from behind your frosted doors as he talks to the floor secretary to order files and copies of his projects, and the sight of you in that horrendous sweater with a smile on your face makes him smile too. Youâve looked like that the entire day, from picking you up and throughout lunch, and Heeseung wonders if could ever convince you to make a move on your neighbor since you talk about him so much. He doesnât know how much longer he can listen to your fantasies while being extremely shy to strike a conversation with him.Â
He turns to the group chat he has with Jay and Jake. Youâre notably absent from this text thread (as told by the name of the group chat) and they use it to discuss anything deemed âguy stuffâ (most infamously when you text âTAKE THIS ELSEWHEREâ when they start getting too boyish for your taste).
The Gentlemenâs ClubÂ
heeseung: GUYS. She met her neighbor this morning
heeseung: His name is Sunghoon and he saw her with Jakeâs ugly sweater
heeseung: đđđđđđđđđđđđ
jake: IS HE CUTE
heeseung: I think so. She was blushing the entire car ride here and could barely say anything until we parkedÂ
jake: fuck yea. i trust her taste in men because she thinks byeon wooseok and kim jaeyoung are hot. theyâre gonna fall in love guysÂ
jay: If I didnât know any better, Iâd say Jake had one too many cups of coffee Â
jake: well yes BUT u know me and you know i think theyâll have a meet cute
heeseung: Technically they already had one. Although I donât if Iâd call it a meet cute since he called your sweater ugly to her face
jake: whatever. you know what I mean. we should find out what he looks likeÂ
jay: And how are we gonna do that?  Â
jake: idk maybe throw a little get together this weekend
heeseung: Thatâs a little soon, no?Â
jake: next weekend then.Â
jake: I can host at my place. tell her to bring whoever she wants. I need an excuse for a housewarming anywayÂ
jay: You moved in three months ago tho??
jake: itâs time to have one now!!!! Iâll text the group chat with all of usÂ
Heeseung switches to the group chat with you in it.Â
The Family Unit:
jake: housewarming. my place. next saturday. 6pm. bring foodÂ
jay: If youâre throwing the party, why do we need to bring the food
jake: because I am hosting god knows how many people and I cannot afford all of thatÂ
heeseung: We can figure this out laterÂ
you: Jaeyun, didnât you move in three months ago ???
jay: THATâS WHAT I SAID.
jake: we can have an official party now!!!!. bring whoever you want as long as theyâre cool
you: Say less!!! Iâm there. Iâll bring dessert
jake: đ¤¤
jay: Can I leave this group chat?
Itâs painfully boring for the rest of the day as you all tie up loose ends before 6 PM hits, but you power through it and let your assistant go home for the day. With the weekend looming near after sending a few more emails, you swear you can feel the tension exiting your body. Heeseung knocks on your door and steps inside as you send one last message to a client.Â
âYou should invite Sunghoon.âÂ
âTo what?â you ask him, temporarily clouded by end-of-week work stress.
âTo Jakeâs housewarming, dude. Itâs the perfect excuse to talk to him again.â You sit back in your chair and look at him as he sits in front of you.Â
âI donât think I have the guts to do that.â
âItâs easy. Knock on his door and tell him thereâs gonna be free food and drinks next weekend.â
You scoff. âEasy for you to say. Youâre like a magnet. People are drawn to you because you have no problem socializing with people you donât know.â
âYou and I are friends, arenât we? I must be doing something right.â
âMeeting at work four years ago hardly counts as socializing. It was forced proximity.â Heeseung puts his hand over his heart and pretends to cry.
âWell, for what itâs worth, I like being friends with you and you arenât as awkward as you think you are. I think Sunghoon, or anyone for that matter, would feel that way too. You just need to put yourself out there.â
You slump back in your desk chair. âI knowâŚItâs hard to push myself to get to know someone, though. Itâs like thereâs an invisible line I canât seem to cross and it gets worse when I talk to people I find attractive. Heâs like, really hot.â
âYou talk to me every day and do just fine.â Expertly, he dodges when you throw a pen at him and laughs when you grunt in dissatisfaction. âWhat are you so scared of?â
âI donât know. Looking like an idiot, for one. Heâs so beautiful and I donât feel worthy of him.â
âHeâs a man, first of all,â Heeseung deadpans, ���so heâs already beneath you.â
âWow, so you do listen to my I-hate-men rants.â
âYeah, because I care about you and men suck.â
âYou and the guys especially when you wonât leave my apartment.âÂ
âBut your apartment is so cozy.â You threaten to throw another pen and smile when he flinches.Â
âIâm afraid of making things awkward if he doesnât want to get to know me like that. Weâve acknowledged that weâre neighbors and all, but what if I ask him to come to Jakeâs party, he says no, and thinks Iâm a weirdo and a creep for asking him that after one conversation?â
âThen heâs a weirdo for being creeped out. Anyone who gets offended by being invited somewhere is weird. Youâre a nice person trying to do a nice thing. Thereâs nothing wrong with making friends.â
Heeseung is right, like he typically always is, and you ponder on his words. Since the first time you saw Sunghoon, youâve treated him as some fictitious crush that exists only within your head and muse over the small interactions and indulge yourself when thinking about him. Romance seems far fewer in between and you choose to stick to television shows and books that make your heart flutter instead of going on multiple dates just to find out the two of you arenât compatible.Â
It feels like an endless cycle of hopelessness at times. Youâll watch your friends fall in love and try to empathize with that kind of unfiltered joy that comes with knowing somebody loves you just as much as you love them, but you fall flat when the reality weighs in. You donât think youâve ever fallen in love or have felt anything remotely close to falling for someone so deeply that you lose yourself in it. Itâs probably a good thing, but the yearning doesnât seem to end even though you know itâs for the best.Â
Pinning all of the qualities youâd want in a boyfriend on the stranger next door seemed like a safe bet because you never thought about the possibility of getting to know him. Sunghoon is someone who is as quiet as a mouse, never making too much noise when heâs in his apartment. Heâs a model tenant who always pays his bills on time and never causes a disturbance to the building. Facing the reality that is perceiving him as anything but what your imagination conjured up makes you a little uneasy. You admire from afar but the idea of a hot guy looking in your direction makes you feel somewhat unworthy of their attention.Â
âIâll think about it,â is all you offer. Heeseung seems to be pleased at your answer and doesnât pry any further. âAre you done with work?â
âYup. I decided everything else could wait until Monday and sent my assistant home.âÂ
âLook at us being good managers.â
âWeâre everything we said we would ve and then some.â Heeseung grabs your pea coat from the closet and helps you put it on when you round the corner of your desk one sleeve at a time. âDo you remember Song Bitna?â
âHow could I ever forget,â you scoff, retrieving your bag and slinging it over your shoulder. âShe used to make us run laps and get upset that our work wasnât completed.â
âShe made me go on more personal errands than anything work related. Itâs a wonder how I managed to get promoted.â
You push the door to your office open and say goodnight to your remaining coworkers. âThereâs a reason why weâre here and she isnât. Itâs good to know we arenât shitty bosses.â
âI hope so. Sometimes I get in my own head and wonder if Iâm managing everything correctly. I want my assistant to learn from me, you know?â Heeseung allows you to step into the elevator before walking in after you.Â
âYeah, but youâre good at everything you do. You should have more faith in yourself.â He nudges your shoulder with his own.
âYou should take your own advice.â You bite your lip and look down at the floor. âYouâve got a week. Think about it, okay?â
âI will.âÂ
âI was serious about the promotion as well. Iâll put in a good word but you should consider talking to the division lead.â
Classic Heeseung. He looks out for you in more ways than one.Â
***
The weekend flies by too quickly for your liking and you find yourself at your desk on a Wednesday afternoon with a cup of tea sitting between your hands to warm up your palms. The buildingâs central heater stopped working a few hours into the workday, leaving you and many other office workers disgruntled and cold. You shut all of your windows and paced around your office to keep your blood circulating throughout your body. The morning was fairly productive until the heating went out and you've spent the last hour replying to emails with cold fingers, pushing any and all thoughts of Sunghoon out of your mind.Â
You havenât seen him since last Friday. Sunghoon doesnât seem to have a routine that he sticks toâone that you can identify, anywayâbecause you didnât run into him for the past three days. You waited anxiously by the elevator to see if he would come barreling down the hallway and ask you to hold the door for him, but each day was met with empty silence before stepping into Heeseungâs car.Â
True to your word, you spent Saturday trying to convince yourself to ask if heâd be interested in coming with you to Jakeâs housewarming party. Youâd wane from decision to decision, telling yourself thereâs nothing inherently wrong with asking somebody if they want to hang out, but the irrational side of your brain convinced you that it would be weird to open up that kind of dialogue with a stranger. You donât know anything about him and he doesnât know the first thing about you. But thatâs what getting to know someone consists of, doesnât it?Â
Before you knew it, Sunday came around and it was starting to get dark outside your window. The urge to curl up into your blankets and spend the rest of the evening watching Netflix was too tempting. The more you watched your TV, the more you stared at your front door. It would take a minute, maybe two at the most, to ask Sunghoon if heâd like to come with you to Jakeâs. The worst thing he could do is decline your invitation. He seemed nice enough on Friday when he saw you wearing the ugly sweater and you suppose heâd be nice about letting you down gently. But even so, rejection stings.Â
Your feet carried you outside of your apartment door to knock on his. You waited with your heartbeat loud in your ears but heard nothing from the other end of the door. When you peeked down at the small gap below you, there werenât any shadows or anything indicating that Sunghoon was home. Still, you knocked once more for good measure and waited thirty seconds to see if he would open the door. Even though the most logical explanation is that your neighbor wasnât home, heat crept up your neck and splashed onto your cheeks as you quickly made your way back inside of your apartment. With the twist of the lock behind you, your couch and TV brought some much needed comfort and distraction from feeling embarrassed.Â
Heeseung hadnât asked you about Sunghoon on Monday or Tuesday, but seemed to remember when Jake sent a reminder earlier this morning. He swung by your office as the temperature dipped and you updated him on what transpired over the weekend with a defeated sigh. Ever the optimist, Heeseung told you to try again tonight since you might have a better chance at catching Sunghoon during a weeknight.Â
The day goes by slower than youâd like and when Heeseung drops you off at your apartment, you make a dash for your sanctuary and rid yourself of the dayâs grime by spending a long time underneath the hot shower. Work is simultaneously ramping up and slowing down as everyone is trying to complete projects before winter recess and you feel all of the tension leave your body once the hot water soothes over your shoulder blades. Itâs still relatively early in the evening when your hair is half dry and youâve just finished eating dinner. The entire time you wash your dirty dishes, your mind canât help but wander towards Sunghoon and what Heeseung said earlier about trying to ask him again. Surely heâs in his apartment at this hour on a Wednesday evening.Â
You decide to bite the bullet. After grabbing the cardigan that rests on the back of your couch, you put it on and decide against changing into your shoes since youâll be stepping out for just a few minutes. Sunghoonâs door stares back at you as you close your own behind you and this time, you can hear the soft sounds of R&B behind it.Â
This makes your heart rate pick up speed because the real possibility that youâll be face to face with Sunghoon becomes too real for you to handle. You could barely utter complete sentences to him last week. What makes you think you could do it now? The same scenarios of rejection and humiliation ruminate in your mind the longer you stand outside. You contemplate going back inside but the thought of telling Heeseung you chickened out and seeing a potentially disappointed expression on his face makes you knock on Sunghoonâs door.Â
Unlike the last time, you hear the sound of slippers shuffling against a hardwood floor. The lights are on from what you can tell underneath the gap of the door and you start to panic when you see a shadowy figure blocking that light. You assume Sunghoon must be looking through the peephole and resist the urge to fix your hair in case it looks horrible. The door opens momentarily.
âHey. Whatâs up?â Sunghoon wears a pair of dark green sweatpants and a large graphic t-shirt that makes him look like the stereotypical boy next door. You look up at him and gulp. Â
âSorry to bother you,â you apologize, suddenly feeling a lump growing in the back of your throat.Â
âYouâre not bothering me,â Sunghoon says it with a smile. He opens the door wider. âDo you want to come inside?â You donât really want to because youâre afraid you might trip and fall on your way inside, but you take up his offer anyway.
âSure.â It comes out as a squeak.
His apartment is tidy and well kept with artwork adorning the walls in his living room. Itâs more spacious than your own and his furniture makes the room look bigger than it probably is, with couches against the wall and a large TV in front of it. There are photographs hung in silver frames and pictures of people you donât recognize, along with shelves of knick knacks and other small statues you assume are artwork heâs acquired over time. Sunghoonâs living room gives you the impression that heâs somebody who cares about taking care of himself and his space. He sees that youâre particularly drawn to the photo gallery on his wall and you feel him standing next to you.
âI took most of these pictures.âÂ
âAre you a photographer?â
âNot professionally, no. Photography is a hobby of mine.âÂ
âYouâre really good.âÂ
âThank you.â Sunghoon looks at you before averting his gaze back to the photo wall. âMy mom gave me my first camera when I was eleven and I took it with me everywhere I went. Are you a photographer too?âÂ
You shake your head. âOh no, I donât have an artistic eye like you do. But I appreciate good photos when I see them, or so Iâd like to think.â Sunghoon smiles at that.
âIâm glad you think my photographs are worthy of praise. This is the first photo I ever took.â He points to an image of a young girl in the center of the photo gallery, whose short arms are reaching for the camera. She wears an infectious smile on her face that reveals a dimple on the side of her cheek.Â
âWow, you were really good even back then. Who is she, if you donât mind me asking?âÂ
âThatâs my younger sister,â Sunghoon says with a fond smile. âI got this camera on my birthday and she wanted to see it after my dad helped me set it up. I think this might be my favorite photo Iâve ever taken.âÂ
âItâs a great shot.â You compliment Sunghoon sincerely and turn your head to look at him. He clears his throat.Â
âWhat is it that you came here for?âÂ
âOh, right!â Sheepishly balancing on both of your feet, you clasp your hands behind your back and lick your lips. âI, um, wellâŚOne of my best friends is hosting a housewarming party at his apartment, and I wanted to know if youâd like to come with me.âÂ
Sunghoon points at himself. âMe?â You nod. âI didnât think we were that close.â You try not to let him see how embarrassed you are.Â
âSorry, itâs probably weird that I asked you even though we barely know each other, right?â It seems as though your brain cannot stop you from speaking, a habit you have every time you begin to feel nervous. You start to back away towards his front door. âItâs just that, well, weâve been neighbors for almost a year and I thought to myself, why not make new friends? My friend told me to invite anybody I wanted to and we have a lot of the same friends, so I knew theyâd be there too.â You wince at the sound of your voice. âAnyway, Iâm sorry for bothering you and for asking.âÂ
Sunghoon shakes his head and grabs the doorknob before you can. âYouâve got it all wrong. Iâm honored that you invited me, actually. Living by yourself gets kind of lonely at times. Itâs nice to go somewhere that isnât home for a few hours. Iâm a bit of an introvert and would like to make more friends.âÂ
âYou donât seem like an introvert to me,â you blurt out before slapping your palm over your mouth. âI mean, youâre doing just fine with me.â
He smiles at you. âYeah, I guess I am.âÂ
âMy friendâs a great host and loves meeting new people. Youâll make at least one friend by the time you leave. Even if you donât, thereâs gonna be food there, so youâll have a free meal out of it.âÂ
âShould I bring anything?âÂ
You shake your head. âDonât worry about it.âÂ
âI feel like I shouldnât come there empty handed if itâs a housewarming.âÂ
âIâm making peppermint brownies,â you tell him. âIâll say itâs from both of us.âÂ
Sunghoon seems to be satisfied with your answer. âWhenâs the party?âÂ
âThis Saturday at six. We could, uh, go together? If you want to, that is.âÂ
âIt makes sense to go together. Do you drive? I can drive us if you donât.âÂ
âNo, I donât drive.â Your cheeks feel warm at your admission and you donât know why your inability to operate a car makes you feel a bit bashful. Sunghoon doesnât seem to mind, though.Â
âOkay, Iâll drive us. Where does your friend live?â
âNot too far. Heâs about twenty minutes from us.âÂ
âIâll knock on your door around 5:30,â Sunghoon says with a single nod. He reaches around you to open his door for you.Â
âSounds good!â Sunghoon smiles and waves before saying goodnight. You watch him as the door closes and rush back into your apartment with your heart hammering in your chest as you sit on your couch and text Heeseung about everything that just transpired. When he asks if you asked for Sunghoonâs number, you slouch. You didnât think about that and now youâre too embarrassed to back and ask for it.Â
Three days pass by quicker than you anticipated and your plate of peppermint brownies sits covered in tin foil on your kitchen counter as you wait for Sunghoon to knock on your door. You spent the entirety of the day worrying about the sweet treat and giving yourself enough time to get ready. Perhaps itâs a bit worrisome that you spent a good chunk of time standing in front of your closet to pick an outfit for tonight, but you want to make a good first impression on Sunghoon without the ugly sweater or pajamas you wore when you invited him to Jakeâs party.Â
You settle with flattering jeans and a nice top with an oversized leather jacket and find yourself wondering what kind of lipstick you should put on. It feels silly to worry about these things for a person who likely wouldnât notice that type of effort, so you settle with something that compliments your skin tone but isnât too over the top for a casual hang out. Itâs just before 5:30 when you hear your doorbell ring and your heart rate perks up at the thought of Sunghoon waiting for you.Â
âHey,â you say to Sunghoon pathetically.. Sunghoonâs wearing a light grey quarter zip sweater with a few buttons hanging loose and black trousers. You avoid gawking at him from the threshold of your doorway, but itâs hard not to.Â
âLong time no see,â he jokes. âAre you ready to head to the party?â His questions bring your eyes back to his face and you smile at him awkwardly.Â
âCan you hold this for a second?â You hand Sunghoon the bag with Jakeâs ugly sweater. âLet me get the brownies.â You barely register that Sunghoonâs holding a bag of his own until you walk back with the dessert, successfully locking your door without dropping your keys. âWhat's in the bag?âÂ
Sunghoon looks at you sheepishly. âI went out and bought some wine because Iâd feel bad taking credit for your brownies when I didnât help make them. Thereâs some soju in there too because I started to overthink and wondered if any of your friends drank wine.âÂ
You beam at Sunghoon. How thoughtful of him. âWine and soju are perfect. The guys will probably drink that up before you get the chance to introduce yourself and Iâll happily drink the wine. My friend Jay might, too.âÂ
âIâm excited to meet your friends,â Sunghoon says as the two of you walk side by side towards the elevator. He presses the button and lets you walk inside the contraption first. âItâs been a while since I got the chance to meet new people.â
âIf they make you uncomfortable or anything, let me know and we can leave.âÂ
Sunghoon laughs. âIâm sure Iâll be fine. If you like them, then so do I.â
âThat doesnât seem very introverted of you.â He smiles at you and shrugs.
âIâm trying to get out of my shell.â Sunghoon lets you step out of the elevator and guides you to his car. âI keep to myself most of the time but I have my moments. Itâs easy to get lost in a city as busy as Seoul but sometimes it gets a bit lonely.âÂ
He unlocks the door and puts the sweater in the backseat, along with the brownie tray on the floor for extra stability. You watch him open the passenger door for you and smile as you climb inside. Even the interior of his car is orderly and pristine. Sunghoon has you typing in Jakeâs address before the two of you hit the road.Â
Sunghoon drives like an expert, weaving between lanes without causing collisions or disturbance to the traffic. He uses his turn signals, which you appreciate, and doesnât get too angry when people cut him off unnecessarily. He looks a bit too good from where youâre sitting with his jawline looking sharper than the edge of a knife with the glow from headlights shining across his face. Itâs a bit unfair how beautiful Sunghoon looks from where you are and youâre having a hard time believing someone as handsome as him is talking to someone as awkward as you.Â
âAre you from Seoul?â you ask him in the midst of the silence. His music hums in the background and pairs well with the smooth sound of his carâs engine.Â
âNo, Iâm not.â Sunghoon spares you a glance. âIâm from a small suburb just outside of Busan.â
âDo you miss it?â His smile falters and you almost regret asking.
âSometimes, but I think Iâve found my footing here. I love the city life and I like that everything is so different and loud. There are a million ways to live your life and nobody expects you to follow a certain path.âÂ
âYeah, I agree with that. Iâm from a small fishing town a few hours away from here where everyone comes from a long line of farmers and fisherman. Itâs hard to carry that burden and expectation when fishing is the last thing you want to do with your life.âÂ
âPeople have a crazy way of making you feel indebted, donât you think?â
You nod. âAgreed. Sometimes I feel guilty for enjoying my time in Seoul. I donât have to do anything I donât want to do, theoretically. Everyone back home used to tell me about the amount of bills Iâd have to pay and how dangerous big cities are, but Iâve found a home here that I never felt back in my neighborhood. Itâs like nobody knows who I am and I find comfort in that.âÂ
âI feel the same way. I can be whoever I want to be without people telling me itâs wrong. I donât have to live my life by another personâs expectation and there are so many different things I could be doing with myself. How long have you been in Seoul? Have you visited your hometown at all?âÂ
âIâve been here for eight years, if we count my university days, but Iâve been living here full time for four years. I went back home for a few months after graduating before getting the job I have now.â You play with your fingers as you speak, the feeling of guilt bubbling to the surface. âAs for going home, well, Iâve been back but itâs hard to find the time with my job.â
âI understand that. I havenât been home in a while either. I donât really want to go back either.â You want to ask him why but donât.Â
âDoes your younger sister still live there?âÂ
âSheâs still back home and lives with our parents while heâs finishing up university in Busan, actually.âÂ
âOh, thatâs cool! Itâs nice of your parents to let her stay at home while she studies.â Sunghoon smiles in a way you canât decipher.Â
âYeah, really nice.âÂ
Sunghoon parks right in front of Jakeâs apartment just when youâre starting to regret bringing up his family. You risk looking over at him and an apology sits on your tongue because it seems like a sore subject for him based on the short response, but Sunghoon exits the car and grabs the alcohol and the bag that contains the ugly sweater. You carry the brownies and feel a bit self conscious when you feel him walking behind you. Your shoes feel heavy around your feet and despite having been over to Jakeâs apartment more times than you can count on both hands, you second guess every step you take on the way to his front door.Â
âThanks for bringing me here,â Sunghoon tells you after a beat of silence as you approach Jake's front door. You want to say something, but the door opening interferes with your thoughts.Â
âHey, you made it!â Jake ushers the two of you inside and by force of habit, you take off your shoes and out on the designated slippers you purposely left here when he first moved in. âDid you bring the sweater?âÂ
âThe fact that you want to keep that ugly thing concerns me.â Heeseung gives you a hug and grabs the brownies from your hands as you struggle to take your coat off. âIâll put this in the kitchen.âÂ
âSunghoon has the sweater.â When youâre settled, you grab the paper bag and hand it to Jake. The warmth of his apartment feels comforting until you remember that your neighbor is a complete stranger in a new environment. You turn around to see him balancing awkwardly with a bag of alcohol behind his back. âEveryone, this is Sunghoon. Sunghoon, this isâŚeveryone.âÂ
âHey,â he says awkwardly, bringing his hand up to wave at your friends whoâve all gathered around to see the newcomer. Heeseung comes back after heâs put the dessert in the kitchen. The bottles in Sunghoonâs hands ring against one another, which makes Jakeâs ears perk up.Â
âDid you bring something?âÂ
âWine and soju. She told me not to bring anything but I didnât want to show up empty handed.âÂ
âI told him we could bring brownies together.â Jake makes a face at you and grabs the bag of alcohol from Sunghoonâs hands, pulling him further into the apartment.Â
âThank you, Sunghoon.â He turns back to you. âThe thought that you couldâve deprived us of alcohol is insane, actually.âÂ
You purse your lips and fold your arms in front of your chest. âHe couldâve brought everyone ear muffs, for all you know. What are you gonna do with them if your big ass ears can barely handle your headphones?âÂ
âIgnore them,â Heeseung says to Sunghoon as he approaches the two of you. âThey fight like siblings. Iâm Heeseung.âÂ
Sunghoon laughs. âIâm starting to think you guys are either really close or secretly hate each other.âÂ
âI hate Jake and love everybody else.â Jake bumps your hip and smiles at you, and you find that you canât keep up that faux attitude for very long. He pulls you into a hug before properly introducing himself to Sunghoon and walks to the kitchen to open a bottle of wine and store the rest in his refrigerator.Â
âDo you want a drink or some food? We have a little pot luck going on.â
âI could use a drink.â
Heeseung beckons Sunghoon towards the kitchen while Jay steps beside you, and your neighbor turns back to look at you before disappearing around the corner. âSee? Itâs not so scary once you take the first step.âÂ
âYour face was chiseled by God. You of all people donât have to worry about rejection.â
Jay laughs at that. âStill, though. Youâve been talking about Sunghoon for so long that I was getting worried he mightâve been a figment of your imagination.âÂ
âI might be delusional, but Iâm not crazy.â
âWe all have our ways to cope.â You bump your shoulder with his. âYou should know weâre all rooting for you and Sunghoon.âÂ
âOh my God, itâs not like I pictured myself marrying him!â You whisper-yell loud enough for him to hear through gritted teeth and smack his bicep. âI just think heâs cute. The thought of being rejected by him scares the shit out of me.â
âHeâs just a guy?âÂ
âA beautiful, charming guy.â
âAgain, just a guy.âÂ
Itâs his turn to make you laugh. âYou always keep me grounded, Jongseong.âÂ
âWho else will? But anyway, you should also know that Jake decided to host this housewarming party because Heeseung told us you ran into him on your way to work.âÂ
âI donât know whether to be flattered or weirded out by that.âÂ
âItâs Jake weâre talking about. He has his ways of showing it, but heâs a sentimental guy.âÂ
âI guess I should thank him if tonight goes well.â
âDonât stress about anything too much.â Jay starts to walk towards the kitchen and beckons for you to follow him. âLetâs get you a drink.â
You spot Sunghoon first, who leans against Jakeâs counter while he looks at all of the food your friends brought (Chick-Fil-A catering, because heâs been craving it and Heeseung offered to pay for half of it). Thereâs an impressive selection of alcohol beside the large platter of breaded chicken, and macaroni and cheese that smells like itâs just been pulled out of the oven. Sunghoon seems entertained enough with Jake fixing him a plate and opening a bottle of beer for him. You stand beside Jay and feel a bit silly worrying over whether or not your guest feels comfortable with your group of friends, but he seems to be doing okay because he isnât searching for you.Â
âHow do you guys know each other?âÂ
âThis one spilled coffee on me when we first met.â Heeseung laughs at the memory and the tips of his ears turn a deep shade of red. Heâs talkative when he has enough alcohol in his system and the nostalgia makes you curl into yourself as Jay hands you a bottle of beer. Everyone looks at you when Heeseung points in your direction.Â
âSheâs really fucking clumsy.â
âThanks for the commentary, Jake,â you say sarcastically.Â
âWe work together at a marketing agency and started around the same time,â Heeseung explains further. âShe just moved to the city and we clicked on our first day.âÂ
âI met the other two through Heeseung, actually.â Sunghoon looks between Jay and Jake when you gesture, who each seem like theyâve also started drinking before you arrived.Â
âWeâre friends from college and we all decided to stay around the area after graduating.â Jay pours himself a glass of wine and you can see Sunghoon beginning to perk up when he notices. You find that kind of cute.Â
âHeeseungâs the reason weâre all friends.â Jake pats his friend on the back. âItâs funny though because we actually all met her at his housewarming all those years ago too.âÂ
âHuh,â says Sunghoon. âWhat a coincidence. Sounds like you guys have a thing for housewarming parties.âÂ
âIâll take up any excuse to host. Itâs how we get her to come out of her shell.â Your cheeks warm up but you arenât sure if itâs because of the alcohol or because everyoneâs looking at you again.Â
âSheâs a bit of an introvert, but sheâs really fun when you get to know her. Sorta like a diamond in the rough type of thing.âÂ
âOkay, wow! We donât have to talk about me.âÂ
Jake points at a grocery store receipt on his refrigerator and grins. âThis is the first time she bought groceries for me when I moved in a few months ago. Sheâs a bit sentimental and put this on when she came over for the first time. Itâs nice, though.âÂ
âOh my god,â you mutter. Sunghoon smiles at you and those fairytale-like butterflies in the pit of your stomach feel like theyâre flying in a metal cage.Â
âI like that youâre sentimental. Youâre a little like me. I decided to come to this party because somebody else gave me the choice to be social.âÂ
âYeah.â Youâre a bit breathless and youâre sure Jayâs grinning beside you. âI get a bit intimidated when I do something different or meet new people.â
âWho doesnât?â You suppose heâs right.Â
âSheâs incredible with gifts, too. Last year, she got me a signed guitar by my favorite musician because they worked on a campaign together.â Jay takes out his phone to show Sunghoon a photo of the autographed instrument.Â
âSo thoughtful,â Sunghoon says absentmindedly. It throws your heart in a loop.
âThere is so much more to talk about beyond me,â you say, embarrassed that your friends are doting on you in front of Sunghoon. The attention is a bit too much and you grab another beer on your way out of the kitchen, choosing not to look back at the four boys who all laugh at your exit.Â
The entire night goes smoother than you couldâve ever hoped for. Your friends leave the weird, overbearing protectiveness in the kitchen when you walk out of it and talk to Sunghoon like heâs their friend too. It still makes you a bit shy when they actively support you in this crush because you arenât used to this level of care and trust in people. Affection makes you a bit uncomfortable and you wish it didnât.
Sunghoon seems like heâs enjoying himself as well. You can tell heâs a little buzzed but stopped drinking halfway through the night to sober up by the time he has to drive. Even in your inebriated state, you appreciate his sense of responsibility. Heâs rolled the sleeves of his quarter zip up and you try your best not to drool over his toned arms every time he moves his hands when he talks. Sunghoon looks so effortlessly cool when with your friends and itâs almost as if heâs known the three of them for as long as youâve known them to the point where youâre questioning if heâs truly an introvert or not.Â
Itâs this level of comfort that keeps you in Seoul. Surrounding yourself with people who support you unconditionally feels like a reward after spending your childhood wishing for the friends you have now. It feels like everybody has a place in your life because youâve done the work to keep people who love you for who you are rather than somebody they assume you to be. Itâs nice to let go of the high walls youâve built around yourself for protection.Â
Eventually, half of the alcohol is gone and so has all of the food. Jakeâs had a bit of influence over your drunken state because as he puts it, heâs the host and needs to make sure everybody is having a good time. Youâre not one to blame him though, since youâve been accepting every shot and drink heâs put in your hand. Jayâs the one who prevents Jake from giving you anything more when he sees the way youâre swaying in your spot on the floor where all of you have formed a circle.Â
Jake returns from the kitchen after throwing away empty bottles. âDamn, so all of us are staying here for the holidays?â
âI havenât decided if Iâm staying or not, if that counts for anything. My parents are going to be in London but thereâs a month and a half until Christmas, so I have some time to decide.âÂ
âSunghoon, youâve got to be crazy rich if you can afford to fly to Europe at the last minute.â Youâre about to scold your friend but Sunghoon just laughs.Â
âI suppose Iâm a bit privileged like that. Iâve spent every holiday season back home and wanted to try something different this year.â
âWhat does Christmas in your hometown look like?âÂ
âReally cold. Almost as cold as Seoul when the snow begins to fall. We take Christmas seriously since weâre primarily known as a holiday destination for people who like that kind of stuff. A lot of our publicity revolves around the holidays, so my city is a little bit like a winter wonderland. At least, thatâs what they want you to believe.âÂ
âSounds like the perfect place for you,â Heeseung says as he nods over at you.Â
âWhyâs that?âÂ
âShe loves Christmas. She canât get enough of it and does everything holiday-related as soon as summer ends.âÂ
âDo you like Christmas that much?â Sunghoon asks you with apprehension in his tone.
âYou donât?âÂ
Sunghoon shrugs at your small outburst. âOur whole thing is about Christmas and holiday festivities. It gets a little old when youâre surrounded by it all the timeâÂ
âSounds like a dream.â He smiles at you.Â
âIâm sure youâd like it there. My parents love the holidays and go all out every year. Itâs a bit corny but theyâre wholesome people and I know they love their country as much as anyone else.â
âShe always knows whatâs going on around town if it has anything to do with the holidays,â Jake tells him.Â
âOh, really?â
âDid you know thereâs gonna be a Christmas market right next to Yonsei? Theyâre gonna be selling a bunch of baked goods and decorative stuff. I heard their food trucks are really good.âÂ
Jay chimes in. âWe should go next weekend.â Jake elbows his ribcage. âActually, you two should go together.âÂ
âUs?â Sunghoon points between him and yourself.Â
âYeah, why not?â Jake shrugs like itâs the most obvious answer. âSheâs a huge fan of the holidays and youâve never experienced it here. Why not see what Christmas in Seoul looks like?âÂ
âIâm not big on those kinds of things.â Your heart plummets and you donât really know why. You put a smile on your face anyway.Â
âYou donât have to do anything, Sunghoon. I donât mind doing these things alone and you donât have to come with me if you donât want to.âÂ
There is an indescribable look on Sunghoonâs face when you finish speaking and the living room is completely silent. He peeks at you through his long eyelashes and it feels as if heâs inspecting you from where he sits. Neither of your friends say anything either and youâre one second from awkwardly laughing when you realize nobodyâs saying anything until Sunghoon speaks up again.Â
âIâll go with you.âÂ
âYou really donât have to.âÂ
He cocks his head to the side. âIt sounds like youâre really excited about it. I might be tired of Christmas but maybe you can change my mind.âÂ
His words fly right over your head and Heeseung can see it in the way you beam at the mention of Sunghoonâs proposal. Even he hears the absurdity of it all when he looks at Sunghoon, who doesnât spare anybody else a glance. You try to contain your excitement and keep smiling to a minimum, but you feel your cheeks harden anyway and Sunghoon smiles right back at you.Â
âWe could go tomorrow!âÂ
âYouâve had quite a bit to drink,â Heeseung reminds you. âMaybe next weekend?âÂ
âYou, of all people, should know that I donât get hangovers. I'm too excited just thinking about it.â
âWe can go tomorrow if youâre not too tired. I can check in with you when I wake up. How does 10 AM sound?âÂ
You sigh, content. âPerfect.âÂ
When the conversation starts to die down naturally, everybody seems to be under the impression that itâs time to go. You say goodbye to your friends and thank Jake for hosting the party, choosing not to tell him what Jay had revealed to you earlier. Sunghoon seems like he had a great time because as youâre putting your shoes on, you see him exchanging numbers with everybody else. Sunghoon carries the empty tray that was once filled with dessert and tells Jake to keep the rest of the alcohol, no doubt solidifying him as someone heâd want to keep around. The drive back to your apartment feels too long for your liking and your body feels heavy when the two of you arrive at your respective doors.Â
âThanks for driving. I promise I donât usually get this drunk.â You hiccup. âWell, okay, thatâs a lie. I only get this drunk when Iâm with this specific group of friends.âÂ
âItâs fine. Itâs nice to let go every once in a while.âÂ
You look up at him. âDid you have fun?âÂ
âI did,â he says with a single, firm nod. âYour friends are really funny. I was kind of worried about it on the way here because I tend to be really quiet when I meet new people for the first time, but it felt like we knew each other already.âÂ
âThey knew about you.â
âDid they?âÂ
âMhm.â You hiccup again. âI told them about my new neighbor a while ago and thought you looked cool, but Iâm a little awkward, you know? I donât really know how to talk to people without someone else acting as a buffer.âÂ
âCould've fooled me. You did just fine.âÂ
âThatâs because you saw me in Jakeâs ugly fucking sweater.â You make a face at the memory, cheeks heating up at the look on Sunghoonâs face when his eyes roamed from the fabric to your face. âYou called me ugly.âÂ
Sunghoon laughs. âI called the sweater ugly. Not you.âÂ
âYou donât think Iâm ugly?â Your question catches Sunghoon off guard, but youâre already fishing for your apartment keys when he looks at you.Â
âNo, I donât.â You donât seem to be paying attention to him as you successfully jam your keys into the lock on the second try. He sees a peek inside when you open the door and watches you stumble inside before latching onto the doorknob to balance yourself.Â
âThanks for coming with me, Sunghoon. Iâm really glad you had fun. I think my friends like you a lot.â
âYeah?âÂ
âYeah. Theyâre a little protective over me and like to make sure any guy I hang out with is cool. You know how it is.â Sunghoon holds the door open for you while you take your shoes off and throw your purse somewhere on your couch before turning around to look at him.Â
âI mean it, though. Thanks for coming and dealing with me and my friends. Weâre a little bit of a handful.âÂ
He smiles and shakes his head. âNot in the way you think. Itâs nice that you have people in your life that you can be yourself around and it seems like they love you just as much as you love them.âÂ
âI really love my friends. But donât tell them I said that.â Sunghoon pretends to zip his mouth shut.Â
âYour secret's safe with me.â You look at him with an unreadable expression, but it gets replaced with a tired smile.Â
âSleep well, okay? My friends are your friends.âÂ
âYouâre so generous,â he says with a laugh. You take a step forward but retract when the sober part of your brain reminds you that the two of you arenât likely close enough to give each other a hug goodbye.Â
â...Do you still want to come to the Christmas market with me tomorrow?âÂ
âIâll give you one chance to convince me that the holidays are fun, but only if you wake up without a hangover.â He laughs when you give him a mock salute.
âI donât get hangovers, remember?â You tap the side of your head with your pointer finger. Sunghoon smiles down at you before pulling his phone from the back of his pocket.Â
âI should probably get your number too.âÂ
âOh.â He hands it to you and your fingers suddenly feel numb. You manage to type your number and try to think of something cute and quirky to put as your contact, ultimately settling with your name followed by the â:)â symbol. Itâs casual but you think it makes you stand out from generic contact names, as Sunghoon seems like the kind of guy who keeps everything straight to business.Â
âIâll text you so you have my number too.â You pull out your phone when you see him typing.Â
Unknown: Itâs Sunghoon! :)Â
You feel like a creep trying to bite back a smile.
âIâll see you tomorrow, okay? Donât push yourself if you wake up too tired but promise me youâll try to get some sleep tonight.âÂ
âI promise. Goodnight, Sunghoon.â
***
You arenât sure whether youâre pleased or not when you wake up at eight oâclock on the dot with no chance of falling back asleep in sight. You turn to see that your phone is fully charged and force yourself to leave your warm, comfortable bed to prepare yourself for the day. You donât respond to the text Sunghoon sent last night and donât know if heâs going to keep up his end of the bargain and go with you to the Christmas market, but you decide to get ready in the event that he was serious about it.Â
Your friends text you too, both in the group chat and separately. Heeseung, as always, is telling you not to overthink anything and enjoy spending time with your neighbor crush. He tries to be as encouraging as he can but canât help slipping in a few jokes here and there about how fast youâre growing up (even though youâre only a few months younger than he is). Jay sends you words of encouragement too, but he keeps it straight to the point and tells you to buy him something that you think heâd like if you stumble across anything. Jake, on the other hand, makes far too many inappropriate jokes that you have no choice but to laugh. You feel something akin to a high school crush getting ready for a first date even though this isnât technically a date.Â
Youâve managed to pull yourself together and see that the time is half past nine when you check the clock. Sunghoon hasnât texted you at all today so you take the liberty to let him know youâre awake and hope you donât come off as pushy or overly eager. But he responds in kind and tells you heâs getting ready and will be knocking on your door soon.Â
True to his word, Sunghoon stands at your doorstep when itâs 10 AM.
âYou look so cozy,â he says.Â
Never mind that youâre swearing something you deemed cute and casual that pairs well with the low temperature outside along with the snowfall from last night. Sunghoon steps out looking like a model himself with his tailored trousers, a graphic shirt, and a denim jean jacket. He looks like the epitome of every girlâs fantasy of the boy next door once again.
âYou look really good.â You say it before you can catch yourself and he laughs.Â
âYou think so?â Your eyes snap up at him as you frantically close your door behind you and lock it. Â
âWill you be warm enough in that?âÂ
âIâll be fine, but I appreciate your concern.â You frown when he starts to lead you towards the elevator.Â
âIf you say so.â You see a small silver camera peeking out of his pockets. âWhatâs that?âÂ
He pulls it out for you to see. âItâs a Z155 film camera. I got it before moving to Seoul and wanted to learn how to photograph with this type of camera. Cool, right?âÂ
Your worries dissipate the more you walk through your neighborhood and onto the outdoor market youâve had bookmarked for weeks. Perhaps itâs the warm coffee amidst the chilly winter that excited you, or the handmade decorations that seem far too inexpensive for what theyâre worth, but your face lights up when you walk through the aisles. There are too many vendors for you to look at and the overwhelming feeling perks up in your chest when you see different people trying to attract customers. But youâd argue thatâs one of your favorite parts; hearing people talk about why they love the holidays so much brings you a sense of joy and fulfillment you donât feel elsewhere. Sunghoon is a good sport about it too despite being a bit apprehensive at first. He graciously paid for your coffee and breakfast consisting of a warm butter croissant. It melts on your tongue and you regret not buying a second one.
People always ask you why you love the holidays so much and you tell them itâs because thereâs no greater joy than being surrounded by your loved ones into the new year. Youâve always been a fan of winter despite the sun setting earlier than it does in the summer. Doing winter-related things in the appropriate season makes you happy, especially if you manage to drag one of your friends along for the ride. You draw the line at caroling, though. Thatâs taking it a bit too far.Â
But the real reason is that Christmastime and the beginning of snowfall always marks a vicious cycle of wishing you could be anywhere but the present. Your childhood was riddled with uncertainties and walking on eggshells around your family and friends, and your household often felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. You were too afraid of making a mistake and chose to retreat within yourself, operating under the assumption that pleasing everybody else was how to protect yourself and your feelings.Â
Prior to moving to Seoul, the start of the cold season was a reminder that your life wasnât as picture perfect as you liked to imagine it was. No amount of television shows or fictitious scenarios running through your head before falling asleep would ever negate the neglect and absent feeling of joy in your heart as autumn turned into winter. You used to bide your time by hoping the months would roll past you until the springtime arrived. It always felt humiliating to hear your friends tell you about their vacations and all of the presents they received that year when the most your family could do was keep the lights on. That emptiness in the depths of your heart felt like it was void of feeling anything at all, and the holidays served as a reminder that things wouldnât get better.Â
Itâs no surprise when Sunghoon turns to you as you both walk through the aisles of jewelry and artwork vendors when he asks you why you love Christmas so much. Somehow, you canât bring yourself to give the rehearsed spiel you reserve for people who donât know you very well, and instead give him a half-truth. Â
âThis time of year is hard for some people and I used to feel like the world would stop spinning if I didnât try to be at least a little happy when I moved to Seoul a few years ago. I was all alone for the first time in my entire life and barely knew anybody, and had to come up with my own way of cheering myself up since I spent it alone. I did a bunch of things by myself, like going to holiday markets or ice skating. I didnât mind the solitude that much.âÂ
âWere you friends with Heeseung and the guys at that time?âÂ
âBarely. Heeseung and I were only coworkers back then but we sat across from each other every day to be friendly. But I didnât know him as well as I do now and had a few roommates who went back home for a couple of weeks. It was pretty lonely and I hated feeling like I was stuck when I was the one who wanted to move to the big city.âÂ
âI think I understand. Christmas is a reminder of overcoming hardship for your first time living by yourself.âÂ
You nod, a bit relieved that he understands you a little bit. âKind of, yeah. I didnât grow up in the happiest household and wanted to do something good for myself since I left my hometown. It feels like a shame if I donât at least try.âÂ
âI think thatâs the most profound thing anybody has ever said to me.âÂ
âI sound like one of those generic books with corny quotes.âÂ
âCanât be corny if itâs true.âÂ
You smile at him. âIâve become a lot better about being positive and optimistic since getting to know the guys, too. Hanging out with them during my second year in Seoul made me realize I wasnât as alone as I thought I was, and even when they all went home to visit their families, I didnât feel like the world was collapsing around me when I was alone for a few days. It felt nice to trust people and realize that people cared about me the way I wanted them to.â
âThey sound like really great friends.â
âThey are. I donât know what Iâd do without them, if Iâm being totally honest. I think my mom was worried about me for the first year of me living here because I barely talked about meeting anybody. She used to complain that I always talked about work and that I stayed in too much on the weekends. I used to think she was just berating me but I get it now.â
âSounds like she wanted you to get out and have fun.âÂ
âYeah. I guess my mom was trying to tell me to get a life without directly telling me. She loves it when I send her pictures of myself outside of my apartment and I fill her in on things Iâve been up to that don't have to do with my career. Sheâs proud of me in that sense but always reminds me that thereâs more to life than my job.â
âYou have a great mom, from what I can tell. She has your best interest at heart and I think itâs sweet of her to care about you so much. What about your dad? Do you talk to him at all?âÂ
You look to the ground. âNo. He passed away four years ago.âÂ
âOh.â Sunghoon nods silently and tucks his hands behind his back. âIâm sorry.âÂ
âThereâs no need to be. It happened a long time ago.âÂ
Sunghoon nods from your peripheral vision. âDo you see your mom often? Does she visit you in Seoul?âÂ
You shake your head. âShe works at a fish dock and canât take a lot of time off.âÂ
âI see. Do you visit her, then?âÂ
Youâre acutely aware of Sunghoon walking beside you but his footsteps fall deaf to your ears when you think about your mother and picture her throwing nets of fish into baskets to sell to merchants in the same afternoon. She wakes up hours before the sun rises to greet fishermen by the docks as soon as daylight breaks and leaves when the space is clean and the fish is sold. You picture her in rubber overalls and boots, her hair tied back in a tight ponytail with a mask covering the lower half of her face to avoid the scent of the fish even though she tells you sheâs used to it by now.Â
It was hard to deal with her waning hours in your childhood and you often yearned for her presence when you awoke to see no trace of her in your household. You had a knack for differentiating the difference in gait between her and your father, and hearing the heavier steps of his footsteps always made you disappointed. Feeling his presence outside of your bedroom door felt like it was a prison sentence.
In a town that seldom encourages any lifestyle aside from fishing and farming, you always find a bit of solace in creative writing clubs and the school musicals as a way to excuse yourself from the small town life. Youâd picture yourself underneath a single spotlight, standing center stage where everybody in the audience regarded you as someone whoâd make it far beyond the borders of the isolated town. You imagine them roaring in applause when you took your final bow with your mother sitting in the front row with a bouquet of flowers in her hands.
But life and finances were immediate priorities to keep the roof over your heads and the table full of food. The electricity bill was renewed solely by your motherâs efforts to keep the three of you afloat whereas your father could barely keep a job for longer than a few months before the inevitable discussion of his unemployment. You recall hearing hushed conversations that always escalated to loud arguments just outside of your bedroom door and shoved headphones into your ears to drown out the sound of an unhappy marriage.Â
His absence was deafening and there were moments where you preferred a chaotic household over a quiet one. In the mere weeks that followed his death, life seemed to move on for your mother but not for you. She still woke up before dawn and never complained about the cold weather during the winter months or the heavy rainfalls in the summer. Whereas she endured life as if he hadnât passed, you carried the weight of emotional neglect and dissonance of your relationship with him.Â
The funeral was a month later and his cremated remains were spread along the larger lake nearby because he always said he would never choose to move away from water. The boat ride to the deepest part of the lake was uncomfortable and frustrating as your mother and two of his closest friends lamented over his passing, barely touching on the hardship he put your family through in his years being alive. It seemed like everyone was able to forgive him and move on as if every single person in his family went unscathed. Listening to them recite their happiest memories with him felt like a knife twisting in your heart until it stopped beating.Â
Moving away was bittersweet, too. The neighborhood you grew up in never felt like a home to you but it would always be nostalgic. It was a plot of land with four walls and a roof, and yet the memories youâve made haunt every corner of your street like a ghost that refuses to cross into the light. The grey walls look more dreary and dull than it had before and the large tree that grew on the lawn was cut down after years of neglect. Your old house looked brand new and unrecognizable. Everything had changed too quickly for your liking. Even when you packed your last box in the moving van, the emptiness of your bedroom felt like you were saying goodbye to a part of your life youâd never yearn for again. Youâve never looked back since.Â
âIâm sorry, I shouldnât have brought that up.â Sunghoon brings you out of your temporary stupor.Â
âItâs alright. I didnât mean to get lost in my thoughts.âÂ
He gently knocks his shoulder into yours. âDo you want to talk about it?âÂ
âI donât think talking about even more depressing things is gonna put you in the holiday spirit.âÂ
âKeeping them to yourself just to make other people comfortable wonât put you in the holiday spirit either.â You know heâs right and begin to gnaw at your inner cheek.Â
âI wouldn't want to make you uncomfortable.âÂ
âThe nice thing about having friends is that you can say whatever you want and they won't judge you.â Sunghoon smiles at you like he means it. His eyes twinkle underneath the sun and, even if for a moment, you feel like heâs right.Â
âMy mom and I are close, even if we donât talk every single day. She works at a fishing dock and that takes up most of her time, and I work at one of the busiest marketing agencies in Korea, which eats up my week. We find the time to talk to each other and I tell her almost everything. I donât think thereâs a secret of mine she doesnât know.Â
âBut even so, I love her too much to ever tell her how Iâm barely handling everything. It's like Iâve been running into a brick wall every time I try to walk away from grieving. Itâs always been the two of us even when he was alive. She raised me the best she could because he was always physically there, but never emotionally present for either of us. His passing left so many questions unanswered and unresolved feelings but it seems like sheâs moved on from it.âÂ
âIâm sorry to hear that.âÂ
âIt was a long time ago. My dad and I were never that close. There were a few good memories that I think about from time to time, but sometimes theyâre ruined by all of the bad things I think about when I think about him. Itâs an endless cycle of self sabotaging and I canât stop myself from doing it. My mom wants me to visit her for a weekend during the holidays and she keeps asking me when I want to come home, but I keep pushing it off because I canât bring myself to go back to a place that made me unhappy.âÂ
Sunghoon remains quiet beside you. When you take a peek at him, he looks as if heâs deep in thought as he looks ahead at the environment and watches the children play on the nearby playground. His eyebrows are furrowed only slightly and his mouth forms a downward pout, and youâre left wondering what he's thinking about.Â
Finally, he speaks. âDo you feel guilty for putting it off?âÂ
âYeah, I do.âÂ
âItâs almost like you know it's the right thing to do but you canât bring yourself to do it. People teach you that family is everything, but when they force you to act and feel a certain way, itâs like youâre suffocating.â
âItâs like you took the words right out of my mouth. I keep telling her Iâd think about it but I always feel guilty because itâs just an excuse to put off making a decision. Iâd feel guilty if I donât go, but I canât bring myself to make that trip, even if sheâs just a few hours away.âÂ
âMy parents are a bit similar. Theyâve given me more than I could ever ask for, and yet I still feel selfish for wanting to explore myself without them right behind me.âÂ
âI feel like an awful daughter every time I donât agree to go home. I know she can tell I feel hesitant about it. I don't want to make her worry and I wish this feeling would go away. I canât face my fears yet.âÂ
âPardon if this is a difficult question for you, butâŚIs your father the main reason why you donât want to go back?âÂ
âYes.â You answer him meekly, as if telling the truth above a whisper will send you straight to purgatory. âI canât walk in my neighborhood without hearing the sound of his voice when he yelled at me. Being in my house makes me think of all the times heâd threaten to throw me onto the streets for something as stupid as forgetting to wash the dishes. That place is a carousel of bad memories that I never want to think about ever again.â
âIâm so sorry.âÂ
âItâs normal for me now but it doesnât make me feel any better if I try to frame it as ordinary. It doesnât hurt me on most days. I push him out of my mind and focus on the present but the holidays are when I start to think about him and my childhood the most. Iâve never had a peaceful winter. There was always something going on and either Christmas or New Yearâs was always ruined.â
âIs that why you love the holidays so much? To override your bad memories and create new ones?âÂ
âYes. I never want to feel the way that I did before he passed away and having my friends here with me makes me forget about how sad I get when October rolls around. The weather gets colder but I try to do everything I can to think about how much I have to look forward to now that Iâve got so much time to do whatever I want. I learned that I canât rely on somebody else to make me feel like I have something to live for.âÂ
âThatâs admirable of you and I hope you know that.âÂ
âI donât know if Iâd put it that way.â
Sunghoon shakes his head. âIt is, though. It sounds like you had a rough childhood and your mom was spread thin with her job that it left you with someone who couldnât take care of you. I can hear it in the way you talk. Youâve got this determination inside of you whether you realize it or not.â
âSometimes I feel like itâs all for nothing. I wake up and live my life but it doesn't feel like Iâm getting better.â
âYou have your whole life ahead of you to understand the grieving process and work through that. Youâll never know if you donât stick around to find out, will you?âÂ
âNo, I suppose not.âÂ
âMy parents put a lot of pressure on me to perform well in everything. Bad grades werenât acceptable and I juggled a few different sports to fill my free time. It always felt like they set me on a path that I needed to follow instead of allowing me to figure out myself on my own. I know they meant well and I know they loved me, but sometimes I wonder if theyâd love me knowing that I want something different than their future for me.Â
âHow do you handle it?âÂ
âI donât.â Sunghoon shrugs nonchalantly and the hard snow underneath his foot crunches loudly as you near the end of the aisleway. âI keep putting it off like you do. Iâm here in Seoul because they agreed to let me explore the city for a while until itâs time for me to return and discuss the future they want for me.âÂ
âWhat do they expect you to do?â
Sunghoon purses his lips. âThey want me to take over the family business. My father is adamant that I come home and take it seriously because heâs planning on retiring soon and trusts me to be the person who handles everything. They run a local grocery market chain and love that lifestyle but itâs not for me. I want to be here in Seoul and figure out what my life is supposed to look like without them holding onto the dream that Iâll run the company. Theyâve made good money off of it and found success as theyâre starting to expand, but I don't want to have any part in it.
âI majored in business and operations when I was in university but hated every second of it. I always felt like I was grinding myself to the bones but I did it to make them happy. I never felt like I got the chance to do anything I wanted to do until they agreed to let me move here.âÂ
âYou donât seem like the kind of guy whoâd run a grocery store chain.â
Sunghoon beams at that. âI donât think so either. I like to think of myself as pretty creative but I donât know what to do with that. I didnât take any photography classes in college and I feel like my time is running up.âÂ
âThe beauty of time is that thereâs so much of it. You can do anything you want, whenever you want.âÂ
âThanks. Iâve been taking a few photography classes here and there.â He pulls out the camera from his pocket and lets you look at it. âLately, this is how Iâve been getting my creative fix. It feels good to do anything other than learning about how grocery stores operate. I couldnât care less about that and I feel like myself when Iâm behind the camera.âÂ
âI like that youâre so passionate about photography, Sunghoon. I can hear how much you love it by how youâre talking about it. Itâs nice to hear people talk about their hobbies.âÂ
âHe tries to hide a smile but fails, and instead turns the camera on and holds it above his eye. âCan I take a picture of you?âÂ
âMe?âÂ
He pulls it away and grins. âYes, you. Who else would I be talking to?â You stand beside a large collection of snowglobes and pick one up as Sunghoon points the camera at you again.Â
âYou couldâve been talking to this snowglobe for all I know.âÂ
âToo bad. I want to take a photo of you. Smile for me.âÂ
Reluctantly, you do and see the flash go off before putting the snowglobe down and apologizing to the vendor, who doesnât seem to be displeased with what transpired in front of her. Sunghoon thanks her too with a short bow before turning his camera off and tucking it back inside of his pocket.Â
âThe fun of film photography is seeing the pictures when they develop. As much as I love learning about lighting and composition, I like it when I donât think too hard about the photos I take and seeing which ones come out good and which ones don't. Itâs always a gamble but it's a safe bet.â
âYouâre lucky. I donât have an artistic bone in my body.âÂ
He cocks his head. âMaybe not in the way you think you do. Your friends were talking my ear off about how cool you are when it comes to your work. Heeseung told me youâre considering applying for a promotion because of your recent campaigns.âÂ
You blush and look away from him. âItâs nothing. I donât think thatâs really creative.âÂ
âYouâre amazing, even if you donât realize it. I think itâs cool that you work so closely with clients and help their vision come to life.â This feels like too kind of a thing for Sunghoon to say after having known you for such a short amount of time, but you canât deny and say you donât feel your heart fluttering with every compliment he gives you.Â
Instead of responding by stuttering over your words, you drag Sunghoon through the remainder of the market and enjoy multiple warm cups of hot cocoa and try all of the desserts they have to offer. You end up buying a few things for your friends to add to their holiday gifts, even though theyâve been sitting in your bedroom for the past few weeks. Sunghoon reluctantly allows you to cover the lunch bill when you bring up how he bought every beverage and dessert the two of you have tried. He sees you signing the back of the receipt after writing todayâs date.
âWhy do you do that?âÂ
You hold the receipt up. âThis?âÂ
âYeah. Why do you sign it?âÂ
âI like keeping mementos of things. My fridge is covered in different letters, receipts, and artwork from friends and family. I have an entire box of receipts from important moments that I want to remember. I usually have the people Iâm with sign them too and go through the receipts when I feel nostalgic.âÂ
âDo you think this moment is worth being nostalgic over?â You blush.Â
âYeah, I do.âÂ
Sunghoon blushes too. âI think thatâs really cute, actually.â You slide the pen over to him.Â
âDo you want to sign it?â His signature looks like that of a movie star. Even his penmanship is perfect. âThere. Now you can look at this receipt when you miss me.âÂ
âOr I could just knock on your door until you let me in.â
âWhat says Iâll let you in?âÂ
âBecause Iâm the best neighbor you will ever have and even though you say you donât like Christmas, you have to admit that youâre having fun.âÂ
Sunghoon smiles at that. âYeah, you could definitely say that. I might have to come over to your apartment to see this receipt box of yours.â Sunghoon looks at you with a smile that makes you weak in the knees. It feels like youâre the subject of a reality TV show and youâre waiting for the camera crew to come out of their hiding spots and tell you this is all for show, but that never happens.Â
âYou know where I live,â you say to him coyly, backing away slowly as you throw your trash away. âKnock on my door any time.âÂ
Sunghoon laughs and you think youâd rather die than never hear it again.
***
You donât get the chance to see Sunghoon during the week because of your work schedule but find yourself texting him whenever you get the chance. Your evenings are for catching up on TV shows that are halfway completed and messaging him even though he lives across the hallway. He hasnât made an effort to come over to your apartment and neither have you, but you find yourself making plans with him to go ice skating with him during the following weekend and choose to look forward to that instead of letting your insecurities get the better of you.Â
Heeseung asks you for updates and you canât help but divulge into the whole truth, including every small thing Sunghoon did or said that made you overthink when he dropped you off at your apartment. Heâs attentive and teases you every time you get a bit too shy to tell him how much fun you had with Sunghoon but tells you heâs proud that youâre putting yourself out there and making a new friend. Heeseung tells you that he and your other friends have been texting Sunghoon as well and discovered that they share a lot of common interests, and that theyâve got loose plans to see each other for drinks in the future. It warms your heart to know your friends like Sunghoon enough to include him in things, which makes you feel a little crazy considering he isnât your boyfriend and youâve officially known him for about three weeks.Â
You find yourself standing on ice skates when the weekend approaches and youâre surprised to see that the outdoor rink is empty for a Saturday afternoon. Youâre better than the average skater thanks to a childhood interest in figure skating and buying a ticket to the outdoor rink at least once every winter season. Sunghoon tells you he picked it up as a hobby when he was younger but his agility when he glides on the ice tells you heâs better than he claims.Â
Itâs chilly and your gloves protect your hands from the biting chill. Sunghoonâs alabaster skin looks like itâs glowing underneath the bright sun and his sunglasses make him look like the epitome of cool if you were to look it up in the dictionary. He keeps himself skating fairly close to you but you arenât sure if thatâs because he wants to be in your personal bubble or not. Either way, you sweat underneath your clothes and try to focus on balancing yourself on top of the hard ice.Â
Sunghoon paid for your tickets and skate rentals too. He surprised you by signing his name and todayâs date on the receipt for your safekeeping, telling you to keep it in your purse so it doesnât get lost. He said it like itâs a matter-of-fact and not something only you do because you love being nostalgic about happy memories. Your hands shake as you lace up your skates and Sunghoon patiently waits for you to finish putting on the other shoe before taking up space on the ice. That feels warm. Â
âI canât help but like Christmas a little bit more when Iâm on the ice.â Sunghoon takes his hands out of his pockets and runs his hand through his hair, and it makes you want to swoon.Â
âWhyâs that?âÂ
âSomething about it feels like it should be done only in the wintertime. The Christmas music is helping me feel a little more festive anyway.âÂ
âThere used to be a skating rink by my old middle school before it shut down a few years ago. Iâd go with my friends as soon as December hit and learn how to skate because the owner saw me beg my parents to let me take lessons, but it was too expensive. She gave them a discount for my first few lessons.âÂ
âDid you stop skating?âÂ
âYeah. They were able to pay for lessons as I advanced because of a bonus my mom received at work and she chose to spend it on me. My dad never cared that much but attended a few of my lessons here and there when my mom couldnât drive me.â
âDid you compete?âÂ
âNo, it was mostly for fun. I stopped because the financial burden was getting too much. Figure skating is the only thing I regret quitting.âÂ
âI stopped skating because it got in the way of my studies.â Sunghoon purses his lips. âI wasnât aiming to go pro, or anything. It was a fun hobby I liked to do after school but my parents said it took up too much of my time because my grades werenât straight Aâs.â
âIâm sorry to hear that.â
He shrugs. âItâs not like I canât skate anymore but sometimes it felt like I was being primed to take over their company and I could feel that when I was in high school. Ice skating was my way of trying to tell them that wasnât the life I wanted, but I donât think they got the message. I ended up quitting halfway into my sophomore year.â
âDo you miss being on the ice?Â
âSometimes. I competed at local competitions and thought about what my life wouldâve looked like if I committed to a professional career, but I decided that wasnât for me. I wanted to do something creative. Anything different than running a grocery chain.â
You bump Sunghoonâs hip. âSounds like youâve found your niche in photography.âÂ
âAh, I hope so. I should show you some of the photos I have that arenât on my wall.â
âDo you have a website or an Instagram for your pictures?âÂ
âNo, but I probably should.âÂ
âYou definitely should. Iâll even be your first follower and tell everyone to follow you.âÂ
Sunghoon smiles down at you. âHow sweet of you.âÂ
âWhat happens next? You mentioned that your parents let you come to Seoul for a little while, but what happens after that?âÂ
His shoulders sulk. âHonestly? I donât know. I moved into this apartment this past January and they said theyâd give me a year to do whatever I want before I take over the business. Iâm not so sure that I want to go back.âÂ
âDoes that mean you have to move?â Sunghoon avoids looking at you.Â
âYeah.âÂ
âOh.â The silence permeated for a moment.Â
âI donât want to leave, though.â Sunghoon clears his throat and shoves his hands back in his pockets. âI love Seoul and the freedom to do whatever I want. I work at a photography studio part time to pay for myself. Iâm lucky that they agreed to pay my rent but that luckâs running out soon because they want me to come back.Â
âItâs funny, though. My younger sisterâs the one who wants to run this company because sheâs studying business operations and loves it. She thrives in this environment and has always been interested in networking with people my parents know. I couldnât care less about any of that. She has fun at his client parties but all I want to do is hide in a corner.â
âWhy wonât they let her take over the business, then?âÂ
âMy parents want to retire soon. Theyâve been at it for so long and people are pressuring them to sell the business because everybody who knows them, knows they want out. My sisterâs in her last year of university and isnât ready to take over just yet. They say she needs more experience even though sheâs interning with his division until she graduates.â
âSo, what? If you take over, whatâs she gonna do?âÂ
âIdeally, sheâd be a co-owner the minute she feels ready to do it. But I think the plan for her is to become an assistant and then find another CEO role in another company. My parents donât really understand that she and I want to switch places because theyâre so focused on their retirement. We donât know how to bargain with them and itâs become a sore point in our relationship.âÂ
âIâm really sorry, Sunghoon.âÂ
âMy sister and I talk about this every time we see each other and I can tell sheâs upset that they arenât willing to wait out for her. She knows I donât want this either, but sometimes it feels like sheâs barely there whenever Iâm with her.â
âItâs like knowing what you want is right in front of you but out of reach.â Sunghoon agrees in a noncommittal hum and you see him look in front of you at the other skaters.Â
âI know how much she wants my position and Iâd do anything to give it to her. I just need to convince my parents to wait a few years. I donât mind helping out from time to time like I do now. But I donât want to become CEO and work in that industry. I want to be a photographer and have my portraits hanging in museums and in peopleâs living rooms. Is that too much to ask for?âÂ
âNo, itâs not. Youâre so passionate when you talk about photography and itâs really endearing.âÂ
âYou think so?âÂ
âYeah, I do. It sounds like your sister is passionate about that CEO role as well. I hope the two of you are able to work things out.âÂ
Sunghoon sighs from beside you. âMe too. My lease is up in the new year and Iâll have to start packing if they donât agree to wait a few more years until sheâs ready. Theyâre afraid of bringing it outside help because theyâd rather keep this in the immediate family.â The thought of knowing Sunghoon might no longer live across from you sends you into a temporary panic. Youâve just gotten to know him and it feels a bit unfair. âBut I donât want to move. Iâm happy here.âÂ
âAre you?âÂ
He looks at you and smiles. âI am.âÂ
âI hope youâre able to stay,â you tell him, avoiding eye contact. âI think youâre fun to be around.âÂ
âJust fun?â Sunghoon teases, bumping his shoulder with yours. âNot charismatic and devastatingly handsome?âÂ
âNo,â you lie, willing the cold air to cool down your warming cheeks. âI would never call you any of those things.âÂ
âSuch a shame, Y/N. You have an incredibly hot neighbor whoâs willing to do all of these Christmas things with you.â You smack his bicep.Â
âYouâre so annoying.â He laughs.Â
âYouâll have to try harder to get rid of me.âÂ
***
The first time Sunghoon saw you was approximately a week after he moved into his apartment. You were wearing blue Bose headphones and looked so determined to unlock your door that Sunghoon chose to keep to himself and not bother you. He couldnât help but notice the scowl on your face and how it made the perfect pout etch itself onto your lips.Â
Ever since then, heâs seen you nearly every time heâs stepped out of his apartment and starts to wonder if this is fate telling him that he should make the first move and approach you because youâre friendly enough to nod at him when he passes you throughout the building. But heâs always been an introverted person who falters when it comes to meeting new people. Growing up around investors and adults who didnât care about anything other than the economy didnât do great for his confidence, especially since finance and business was the last thing he wanted to talk about.Â
His sister was always more outgoing than he was. Sunghoon used to stutter when girls talked to him and couldnât fathom the idea that anybody would be remotely interested in him enough to develop romantic feelings for him. It often felt like his personality mirrored everybody elseâs for the fear of disappointing people to the point where Sunghoon had a hard time figuring out who he was when he wasnât with his family or anybody who knew him as he grew up.Â
Leaving his home to live in Seoul was something akin to a breath of fresh air. He loved his university days because it was the first and only time that Sunghoon could be himself without being afraid of what others would think of him. He experienced many âfirstsâ while he was away from homeâfirst college party, hangovers, and having sex for the first time. His first girlfriend made him realize he wanted more to live than to live the predestined plan that his parents set out for him. He didnât want to marry someone into his family only for him to become a shell of a human being if he took on a job he didnât want to do. When his girlfriend encouraged him to follow in his fatherâs footsteps because of how wealthy and successful he could be, Sunghoon broke it off with her and never looked back.Â
Working for his parents was supposed to be a trial run. For the first three years after he graduated, Sunghoon agreed to come back and work at the company as an entry level assistant and work his way to the top. The weight of their expectations hung over his shoulders every time he stepped foot inside of the tall, intimidating building, and the anxiety he felt never really left him. Sunghoon worked himself to the bone every single day and continued dreaming of a life that was anything but his reality until his parents came to him with the proposition of slowly transitioning into an executive role. Suddenly, it felt like Sunghoon was running out of time and he proposed a year off before he would begin that process.Â
Now, Sunghoon finds himself walking into your apartment with these lingering thoughts at the forefront because his parents are indirectly pressuring him to move back home. He ignores their calls and voicemails to the best of his ability. Spending time with you and your friends is a welcomed distraction because he doesnât have to think about his future. The four of you give him space to be whoever he wants to be, and that isnât something heâs felt in a very long time.Â
âYour apartment looks like the inside of your brain,â Sunghoon tells you as he looks at your colorful furniture and the artwork decorating your walls. He lingers by the gargantuan posters of different cocktails framed neatly and the bar cart you keep by the kitchen in case you feel like having a drink or two on the weekend. âItâs soâŚyou.Â
âI worked really hard to make it that way. My Pinterest boards can tell you that much.âÂ
âI like that youâve incorporated dark green. Itâs pretty.âÂ
âDark green is my favorite color. Iâve always wanted a space that felt like a home rather than a place I live in. I bought this green velvet couch when I got promoted the first time.âÂ
Sunghoon caresses the back of the couch. âSoft. I like it.â
âDo you want a drink, or anything?âÂ
âAre you gonna make me something festive?â
âI subjected you to ice skating and Christmas music that seemed to have four songs on shuffle the entire time. I think Iâll spare you tonight.â
âIâd like to try something new, if youâre up for it.â You light up and Sunghoon thinks he wants to make you look like that more often. He follows you into the kitchen and watches as you wash your hand and bring out every ingredient before turning to face him.Â
âHave you ever heard of a hot toddy?âÂ
âCanât say that I have. What is it?âÂ
âItâs an alcoholic drink I used to make with my friends from college when it starts to get cold. Itâs whiskey, honey, and lemon dissolved in hot water.âÂ
âI donât see how thatâs festive,â he teases.Â
âTrust the process, Park Sunghoon. First, boil water in a kettle.âÂ
Sunghoon watches you assemble the drink that is a bit too complicated for him but appreciated the effort you put into it. You tell him about your friends from college and how some of them have moved far away while others are people you see every once in a while. He hears about how you became a crowd pleaser during one particularly cold December night the day before finals and ended up making dozens of hot toddyâs for the people who lived on your dorm floor. You show him a picture of the makeshift tip jar your roommate made you to collect tips from students who wanted to pay you for the drink and went home with enough money to make you forget about finals.Â
You tell him that your friends love this drink too, even if they downplay just how much. You hand him your phone and let him scroll through pictures you took of Heeseung and Jake the last time you made the drinks for everybody. They were hanging off of each other after begging you to add in a shot more than necessary every time you made a new cup. Jay helped you set a makeshift bed on the couch and floor for them to sleep off the alcohol and Sunghoon laughs at their less than flattering faces when you smile with two thumbs up as they pass out from the alcohol.Â
Sunghoon has deduced that being here feels comfortable. Itâs crazy to him that the four of you managed to weasel your way into his life as quickly as you did. He finds himself playing video games with the guys when they come home from work and they add him into their group chat within a few days of knowing him. Sunghoonâs always had a difficult time keeping friends around because he feels too awkward to socialize and feels like he never learned how to make friends around his age because of the environment he grew up in. He takes a picture of you on his camera despite your protests when he feels like words are too much.
Getting to know you has felt like the climax of a romance film. Heâs spent so much time pining after you from afar, from thinking about what your favorite foods might be to what kind of music you listened to. You always looked so polished and head strong, something Sunghoon wished he could be. Heâd lie to himself and say heâs attracted to you because you give off a sense of self-confidence that heâs never seen in anybody else, which is partially true, but spending time with you has only made him fall for you even harder.Â
Heâs only known you for a few weeks but itâs felt like heâs known you for a lifetime. Sunghoon tells you things heâs too afraid to tell other people or admit out loud. You bring out a side of him that wants to make a life for himself instead of listening to people who donât have his best interests in mind. He loves it when you share your interest in Christmas and winter with him because it feels like he gets to know you better and it takes his mind off of his future. Plus, it helps that you look too cute when you start to get excited about things. Sunghoon canât bear to be the reason why you would ever cease to feel like that.Â
The more the two of you sip on the warm alcoholic cocktail, the more Sunghoon feels his shoulders start to relax. Whether itâs because he hasnât eaten anything in a while or because youâre giving him butterflies, he doesnât know. He hasnât told anybody about you because he doesnât know who heâd tell and he canât believe heâs standing in your apartment making conversation with you. You laugh at his jokes and give him a tour of your place as he sips on his drink, and the warmth spreads throughout his chest. Suddenly his sweater feels too hot.Â
You let him inside of your bedroom and itâs neat, with keepsakes lining your shelves and books on your walls. Youâve got a few floating bookshelves he admires and gawks at because he thinks it makes your room look that much cooler. Youâve got a few pictures of yourself, friends, and family along your desk and a makeup vanity with an impressive mirror on it. Everything in your room feels like it has a place and a reason to be there and Sunghoon canât help but feel privileged that youâre letting him inside, like heâs supposed to be there too.Â
âIs this your box of receipts?â he asks when he sees a small box without a lid on it. There are dozens of receipts haphazardly lying in there and he takes one out when you nod at him. Thereâs a receipt for a late night doughnut run, a printed copy of the receipt from the couch in your living room, and your first trip to the doctor. He digs to see if he can find the one from the market. âWhereâs the receipt from when we went to the market?âÂ
You point at the board above your desk filled with pictures and other receipts too. Sunghoon looks at it and spots your handwriting and his next to a picture of you as a child. It makes his heart melt a little bit.Â
âI like to keep really good memories up here.âÂ
Sunghoon feels like he could cry. âIâm really happy you had a fun time. I did too, but I didnât want to come off as weird and tell you that.âÂ
âI donât think itâs weird at all. If anything, I didnât want to come off as too eager to hang out with you when we got back home.â
âIs this a good time for me to confess that I wanted to hang out with you instead of parting ways?â You look away from him to hide your smile and he canât help but feel his heart skip a beat.Â
âNow youâre just buttering me up,â you say in lieu of an answer. You stand impossibly close to him while he looks at the pictures on the board.Â
âYou were such a cute kid.âÂ
âI was cuter when I wore pigtails and when I was missing my two front teeth, thatâs for sure.âÂ
âI think youâre doing fine just now.âÂ
You blush again. âOkay, youâre definitely trying to make me flustered.âÂ
âIs it working?â Sunghoon grins when you hide your face in his arm. âIâll take that as a yes.âÂ
âAnyway!â You pull yourself off of him and close the receipt box while he laughs behind you. âThatâs enough of that.â
âItâs getting late and I think you put too much whiskey in this.â Sunghoon looks at you with another teasing grin but heâs starting to like catching you off guard like this.Â
âIâm not listening to anything you say because you said it was just enough.â Even your faux pout is cute. âThanks for going ice skating with me.â
âThanks for making this for me.â He holds up his empty cup and you lead him to the kitchen. He offers to wash your dishes for you but you decline and forcibly lead him to the front door when he starts to protest. The exhaustion from today has started to tire him out and his eyes begin to droop when he steps outside.Â
âGoodnight, Sunghoon. Thank you for today.â You look up at him with an expression he canât read.Â
âI had a lot of fun. I mean it. You might change my mind about Christmas after all.âÂ
âThereâs nothing I canât do, Hoonie.â He blushes at the nickname. âText me when youâre home, okay?â
He snorts. âSure thing. Iâll be sure to text you in five seconds after I lock my door.âÂ
âGood. Who knows? This is a big hallway. Maybe youâd drip and fall a few steps into your journey.â Sunghoon thinks youâre too cute when youâre coy like this.Â
âIâll even text you when Iâm tucked in bed so you know I made it safely.âÂ
The last thing he expects you to do is kiss his cheek. He feels your lips on his skin and his entire body becomes frigid, like he suddenly forgot how to breathe. Sunghoon thinks he might trip on his way back to his apartment at this rate.Â
âGoodnight, Hoonie. Text me when youâre home.â
***
You donât get the chance to spend any time with Sunghoon for the next couple of weeks because your work leaves you too tired to do anything outside of your apartment since it requires a few hours during your weekends. Sunghoon seems to understand and doesnât push you to go out with him too much. Part of you wants to invite him over to your place for something casual, but your tendency to overthink prevents you from putting that offer on the table.Â
Heeseung can tell youâre overwhelmed when he sees you. You hide yourself away in the confines of your office and donât make conversation with him like you typically would. The start of the holidays mark a tumultuous time for you and he knows that better than anybody else. He canât help but be a little concerned when you donât join him for lunch like you typically do if meetings donât interfere. When he sees you eating at your desk with a pathetic looking sandwich with a single bite taken out of it, he walks into your office without knocking and replaces his lunch with yours.Â
âDonât even think about scolding me for coming here unannounced.â Heeseung gestures at your desk. âEat.âÂ
âYou donât deserve to eat a poorly made sandwich.âÂ
âOh, and you do?âÂ
You groan. âNo. But I was in a rush and forgot to pack a lunch last night.âÂ
âWhatâs going on? Iâve never seen you like this.âÂ
âMy mom keeps asking me if Iâm going to come home and I feel so guilty that I keep dodging it. I know she means well, but thatâs what makes it worse. She keeps telling me she wants to have one weekend with me for Christmas, even if it isnât on the actual holiday because she hasnât seen me in a while.Â
âI feel like Iâm disappointing her, you know? Itâs hard to leave the bubble Iâve created for myself because I know I have to face all of the bullshit I faced with my dad when I go back. It feels like I become the teenage version of myself who couldnât express her feelings and kept everything bottled up inside. I want to forget all of that. I donât want to be that kind of person anymore.âÂ
âDo you want to go?âÂ
âI do, but I canât bring myself to actually buy a train ticket. I want to go home and not feel this contempt but I canât help it. I hate it there. I hate walking through the hallways because I can hear his footsteps and the way he used to yell at me when I did something wrong. I canât escape these feelings when winter starts. I mean, you know me. The holidays only became what it is because I try not to think about how fucking awful it used to be.âÂ
âYou canât run from everything forever, though.â Heeseung looks at you like heâs trying to drill his words into your head. âYouâve already done the work to push past it.â
âI know, but itâs hard to be in a place that feels like an empty home. Iâm so nostalgic for everything I loved as a kid but it gets tainted when I think about my dad and how hard it was for my mom to raise me by herself. All I can think about is how I felt when I couldnât do anything to save myself. But on the other hand, I feel so guilty for missing him too. He had his moments and I try to think about that instead of thinking about the bad ones. Heâs not here to make me feel like I have to watch my back, but why does it feel like I still have to?â
âYouâve been through a lot and you have to understand that the average person doesnât go through a lifetime of pain and trauma before they turn twenty-one. It feels like youâre stuck because there arenât many people who can relate to you.â
You sigh. âI guess so. It feels lonely and isolating. It doesnât matter how many times I open up to a therapist about it either. It always feels like Iâm running so fast that I end up tripping over myself.âÂ
âSo, what are you gonna do about it? Sit here and mope or make a decision?â
âItâs not that easy.â
âIt is, though. Youâre somebody who hates waiting around for people to save you. The only way to resolve anything is to pick a decision and stick with it until the end. If you regret it, at least you can say you tried.âÂ
âItâs really hard to self sabotage when Iâm friends with you.âÂ
Heeseung laughs at that. âI know. I wonât let you do that either.âÂ
âI think I mostly feel bothersome for always talking about the same old problem to you.âÂ
âIt doesnât bother me. I care about you and you clearly need to talk to somebody who knows you inside and out. Iâve seen how difficult it is for you to open up and the fact that youâve grown so close with Sunghoon in a short amount of time is incredible to me.âÂ
You groan and slump over your desk. âDonât remind me. I havenât properly seen him in weeks and feel awful that I have no energy to hang out whenever he asks me to. I hope he doesnât think Iâm ghosting him.â
âHe doesnât.âÂ
âHow could you possibly know that?â Heeseung pulls out his phone and lets you glance over his texts with Sunghoon.Â
âHe asked if you were okay a while back and said he was worried since you kept declining to go out. His first thought was that you mightâve been sick or burned out, not that you were ghosting him.â
âBurned out is definitely the right answer.âÂ
Heeseung smiles at his phone. âHoon was worried that he was coming off too strong by texting you so much. I told him youâd probably appreciate hearing from him more than giving you space.â
âSince when do you call him ��Hoonâ?â
âWeâre close like that.âÂ
âThat makes me nervous.âÂ
âIâll be sure to divulge your crush on him while we hang out tonight.â You throw the cap of a pen at his chest. âHe said he missed you, though.âÂ
âI miss him.â You groan a little too loudly for your liking. âI havenât had any energy these last couple of weeks and Iâve been overthinking the hell out of kissing his cheek when I last saw him.â
âSorry, you did what?!âÂ
âI kissed his cheek when he left my apartment and I canât tell if I regret it or not.âÂ
âDude, Sunghoon is clearly not weirded out by that,â Heeseung says like itâs the most obvious thing in the world. âHe wouldnât be checking in with me about your mental state if he thought it was weird.âÂ
âAre you sure?âÂ
âPositive. You donât have to do anything crazy with him either. I get the feeling heâs the type of guy whoâd appreciate doing anything as long as itâs with people he enjoys being around. Heâd probably enjoy it if you two stayed in and watched movies.âÂ
âI can do that.â You pull your phone out and search for his contact. âI could do a movie and takeout.âÂ
âSee? There's nothing to be worried about. Youâre just stressed out about going home. Take it one day at a time.â
Sunghoon agrees to have a quiet night in when the weekend approaches and you find yourself sitting in his living room instead of your own. He tells you to come over in your pajamas with your worries left at his doorstep and asks you to let him take care of everything, including ordering takeout and paying for it. He tells you heâs up for watching a Christmas movie, but youâve had your fill and the two of you decide to watch reruns of Community on Netflix as a way to relax through laughter and comedy.Â
âIâm sorry that youâve had a rough couple of weeks,â he says as he sits next to you on the couch. Heâs encouraged you to put your feet up and sit however youâd like, and crossing your legs feels like a respectable position. He sits at a short distance from you, far enough that you arenât touching but close enough that you can feel the warmth radiate off of him.Â
âItâs that time of year. Everybody wants answers but nobody is willing to put in the work. It gets like this every December because everybodyâs trying to finish strong before winter break.âÂ
âStill though, the guys made it seem like this was an everyday occurrence for you and seeing you so tired made me worried.â Your heart skips a beat.Â
âAh, wellâŚmy friends know I can push through anything. Jayâs the one who understands me the most when I get like this. Iâve been getting better at asking for help and they know Iâll come to them if I need to.â
âWhat about when you donât?â
âDonât what?â
âAsk for help?â
You turn to look at him. âI guess they force me to open up until I get annoyed and tell them to leave me alone. But that usually doesnât last very long and I cave in since they never seem to listen to me anyway.âÂ
âIâll keep that in mind for the future.â Sunghoon takes a small handful of the popcorn sitting on the coffee table and shoves it in his mouth. âYou have good friends and I can tell they love you.â
âI owe them a lot, if Iâm being honest. Sometimes it feels like I donât do enough for them.âÂ
âYou must be a good friend if they care about you that much, too. Donât sell yourself short.â Sunghoon seems to see you in ways you can barely see yourself and his constant reminders always leave you speechless.Â
âHowâve you been? Howâs your photography class and work?â
âMy classes wrapped up last week. It was bittersweet. I love my instructor and Iâm sad that he and I are parting ways, but heâs taught me a lot that Iâll definitely remember when I pick up a camera. Work is fine as well, itâs getting a little busy because of the holidays but itâs nothing I canât manage. They know about the situation with my parents so weâre trying to take it as it comes.âÂ
âHave you resolved that?âÂ
Sunghoon shakes his head. âNot yetâŚIt feels like they donât get it at all.âÂ
âIâm really sorry, Hoonie.âÂ
âIt is what it is. Iâll miss Seoul a lot for more reasons than one.â He looks at you and your heart skips another beat.Â
âLiving here wonât be the same without running into you, Iâll tell you that much.â
âIâll cherish those moments forever,â he teases. âI donât know what Iâm going to do but Iâm going to try to convince them to hold off on retiring for a few years. I talked to our landlord and managed to negotiate one more month when I told him about whatâs happening. I have enough to pay for that and Iâm a little shocked that he agreed.âÂ
âMust be a Christmas miracle.â He looks at you with an unreadable expression.Â
âMaybe. Have you decided if youâre going back home or not?â
You pick at your fingers. âIâm still on the fence about it. She called me yesterday and slipped that question in halfway through the conversation. I can tell sheâs empathetic about it, though. She knows how hard it is for me to be back home with everything that happened with my dad. Part of me wants to go because I miss her, but I canât bring myself to do it. Train tickets are probably too expensive anyway.â
âIâll drive you.âÂ
You turn to face him. âSunghoon, itâs a two hour drive.â
âAnd?â
âIâm not making you drive two hours to my house and two hours back to Seoul.â He looks at you like this is the easiest decision heâs ever had to make.Â
âYouâre not forcing me to do anything. I want to. This has been weighing on your mind for a long time and I donât want you to miss out on spending the holidays with your mom just because of how much a ticket would cost to get you there.â
âSunghoonââ
âItâs no sweat off of my back. Iâm serious about it. I donât have classes anymore and my work schedule is flexible. Plus, I think it could be cute to see where you grew up.âÂ
âThatâsâŚReally sweet of you.â Sunghoon turns to look at you too and smiles with those plush lips you think about kissing a little too much. You try to reel it in because heâs your friend and thatâs what friends do, right?Â
âYouâve done a lot for me. The least I could do is drive you home.âÂ
You donât say anything. You canât say anything. Sunghoon sees you from the corner of his eye as you turn back to face the TV, and he watches you try to hide a smile. He turns away and feels his own cheeks flush at the thought of seeing you in your hometown, even if itâs for a short while. Above all, Sunghoon wants this Christmas to feel like itâs the best one youâve ever had on the account that youâve made Seoul feel like home for him.Â
The night progresses and you switch to a movie halfway through the night until you yawn. Sunghoon grabs a blanket and puts it over the both of you instead of suggesting you go back to your apartment. Somehow, this gesture feels kinder than anything anybody has ever done for you.Â
Youâre both acutely aware of how close your bodies are because of the blanket but neither of you care all that much. Your shoulder keeps bumping into his every time you move and eat the popcorn heâs provided, and Sunghoon silently wishes that he could pull your body against his once and for all. He doesnât, choosing to savor the way your side touches him instead of doing anything that might make you uncomfortable. But somewhere in your tired stupor, you put your head on his shoulder and yawn.Â
âThank you everything,â you say quietly. âYou donât know how much it means to me that youâd drive me home.â
âIâd do anything for you.â Sunghoon says it a bit too quickly but he doesnât regret telling you that.Â
âI wish I could repay you.â
âBeing here is enough. Can I try something?âÂ
When you nod, Sunghoon maneuvers himself so that his back rests against the arm of the couch with his body spread across the cushions without disrupting you too much. You donât fight against him when he scoops you into his arms and places your head on his chest. You feel his heartbeat in this position. Itâs slow and melodic, unlike your fantasies of hoping the cute guy next door would have a rapid heart rate every time he saw you. But you think you like this better; Sunghoon seems to be comfortable around you.Â
For the fear of touching you too much, Sunghoon keeps his hands by his side and pulls them away when he realizes heâs touching your exposed skin. You let go of every thought telling you to run away and grab his arms to wrap them around your own body, nuzzling your way close to his with your eyes closed in contentment.Â
In lieu of saying goodnight, you kiss his chest and Sunghoon thinks he might be on cloud nine.
***
In the time between telling your mother youâd be home for a couple of days over the weekend to arriving at her doorstep, your friends have expressed their happiness in your decision. Jake couldnât help but feel emotional when you told him and you get the feeling that Jay always knew the decision youâd make. Heeseung chose to forego teasing you out of solidarity for this vulnerable moment and wishes you all the best. However, all three of them did not hold back in telling you every joke in the book when you told them Sunghoon was dropping you off and picking you up.Â
Sunghoon drives seamlessly and you silently thank him for it because approaching the familiar quietness of your neighborhood makes you feel somewhat uneasy. Your stomach turns in flips when you see that same house you used to look up at whenever youâd come home from school. Itâs still jarring to see that only your momâs car is parked on the street with your fatherâs car nowhere to be seen. Itâs a physical reminder that he isnât here and you donât know if youâre relieved or not. She greets you the moment Sunghoon parks his car and the feeling of melting into her arms is indescribable.Â
âI missed you,â she whispers into your hair. âItâs been so long.â
âI know, Eomma. Iâm sorry.âÂ
âDonât be. Youâre here now and thatâs all I care about. Youâre Sunghoon, right?â He turns to look at you as he pulls your duffle bag out of his car and bows at a full ninety degrees for just a second too long. She finds it amusing and tells him so when he stands up.Â
âPleasure to meet you. Y/N has great things to say about you.â
âOh, trust me. She has good things to say about you too.â
âOkay!â You clap your hands and grab the bag from Sunghoon, turning your body away from him. âI think weâve had a long car ride and can find literally anything else to talk about.âÂ
âI should get going before traffic gets bad. It was nice to meet you.â
âCome in for some tea!âÂ
She doesnât give him the chance to respond but he doesnât seem to mind. Sunghoon takes off his shoes and leaves them in the corner as your mom presents the two of you with a freshly brewed pot that reminds you of your childhood. The interior looks the same as it has since you last visited and that big family portrait still hangs above the couch in the living room. Your father smiles back at you like heâs happy youâre here.Â
Sunghoon chooses to remain quiet as he drinks his tea to give you and your mom some time to catch up. He feels a bit awkward in a strangerâs home when this trip was supposed to be about you and your family, but he canât say he isnât pleased when the warmth of the tea starts to settle in his chest. Photos of you from your childhood line the walls and he canât help but comment about how adorable you look in pink bows and frilly dresses. You look as cute then as you do now, but thatâs something he will never tell you.Â
Your mom brings out a small booklet of photos from your past, too. You try to prevent her from showing Sunghoon but he laughs it off and sits with pictures of you from elementary school in his hands. He tries not to let it show that his hands are shaking because you let your chin rest on his shoulder as you peer over him. He can feel your warm breath on his neck and it sends him into a short spiral until youâre scooping up the book and handing it back to your mom with a bashful smile on your face.Â
He can see that youâre trying your best not to feel like that same, awkward mess of a teenage girl when your mother tells him stories about you from childhood. She tells him about the first time you performed in a dance recital and how you were center stage only to accidentally trip on your shoelaces that nearly sent you flying into the audience. She tells him about your first overseas vacation to Disney World in Florida because it was the first time you learned you hated humidity and people who didnât know how to drive.Â
With every hour that passes by, Sunghoon starts to think he understands you better. He knows you to be somebody whoâs independent and confident, but the idea that you had to work hard towards it was lost on him until he came to visit your hometown. He understands why you felt so trapped here between your motherâs rants about how difficult your dad was to the limited opportunities for you to thrive. She tells him a bit about how you were emotionally unavailable in your teenage years despite your protests (as mothers tend to do), but she finishes her thought by telling Sunghoon how sheâs always thought you were destined for things greater than what a small fishing town could ever offer you. He pretends like heâs got allergies when he feels his eyes watering up.Â
Sunghoon asks to stretch his legs and by the time the night approaches, heâs agreed to stay over and spend more time visiting your favorite places and where you grew up. Your mom tells him not to feel like heâs intruding, as she rarely gets to spend time with anybody in your life, and he decides that this little vacation might be good for him. He offers to pay for dinner and he thinks heâs gained some approval for that.Â
Time passes by too quickly for his liking. Youâve taken him everywhere you can think ofâyour old ice skating rink, your favorite boba shop, the schools youâve attendedâbut it still feels like heâs barely scratched the surface of getting to know you before adulthood. He loves that youâre so open about yourself in a way that heâs never been able to. You talk his ear off about drama that you havenât thought about in decades and he listens and feels several different emotions on your behalf despite not knowing anybody youâre talking about. He parks his car in the parking lot of your high school and the two of you spend an hour eating takeout from your favorite sandwich shop and gossipping about the entire town just for the two of you to hear.Â
You talk about your dad on occasion and he doesnât pry you to talk about it either. Sunghoon hears the melancholy in your voice when you think about old memories and missing him in ways youâve never been able to experience before. You tell him that itâs been four years since you lost yourself. You also tell him that you donât want to live the kind of life where youâre held back by his opinion anymore. Heâs here in the walls and all over town, and the weight of missing him doesnât feel like a burden anymore. It feels like a step towards freedom to be who you are, free from the anchors that kept you sheltered. Sunghoon knows your mother must be proud of you for making this decision because he sees it in her smile when she watches you laugh.
He decides he wants this kind of life; Sunghoon wants to be supported by his family when it comes to what he wants to do with his life. He wishes his parents believed in him as much as your mother believes in you. Seeing her so open and welcoming to a complete stranger and bragging about your accomplishments to him makes Sunghoon yearn for that kind of unconditional love too. Even in the moments when you get quiet over unpleasant memories that seem to resurface from coming back home, it seems that she helps you through it and doesnât shame you for feeling the way that you do. Itâs something Sunghoon desperately wishes he could do instead of entertaining conversations about taking over his familyâs business.Â
If thereâs one thing youâve taught Sunghoon, itâs that he can fall as many times as he wants so long as he chooses to get back up again. Heâs come to love how open you are when it comes to people and experiences because heâs starting to understand just how difficult your childhood was until you found your footing in Seoul. Being alone meant exploring who you were without the opinions of people who wanted to hold you back. Even if people gave you reasons to shun the world and expect apologies from everybody under the sun, you hold your chin up with dignity and choose to move on instead of dwelling on people and things that don't matter. He wishes he could be like that too.
âAre you happy?âÂ
Sunghoon stares at your ceiling in your childhood bed when he asks you that. Heâs a bit surprised that heâs allowed to be here at all and offered to take the couch, but your mother said the two of you are adults and donât need her permission. The two of you were blushing messes when she left the two of you alone to unpack your clothes while she gave him an extra toothbrush and old clothes from her brother who left them at her place. The two of you decided that it would be too awkward to try to not cuddle on your surprisingly comfortable twin bed and he chooses to use this as an excuse to touch you. He hasnât heard a complaint from you and the feeling of your body wrapped up in his is exhilarating.
âI am, yeah. This weekend was a lot better than I thought it would be.â
âBut are you happy with your life? Are you happy with yourself?â You push yourself off his body and look down at him.
âWhereâs this coming from?âÂ
âI kept thinking about my life and my parents for the past couple of days. Your momâs sweet and I can tell she believes in you whenever she tells me about your life here. It sounds like she did her best to raise you between work and your dad, and I can never imagine how stressful your childhood must've been with him in the house. I see how much youâve grown from everything. Itâs inspiring.â
âI donât know if inspiring is the right word. I think I was dealt with shitty cards and expected an apology from the world without realizing that I had to work on myself in order to receive it.â
âThatâs the thing, though. I can see that youâve put in the work to become a better person. My parents arenât as supportive as your mom and I kept thinking to myself: âDo I want to go through with a life thatâs already planned for me when I know Iâll be unhappy?ââ
Sunghoon looks up at you when he feels you brush his hair from his eyes. He canât really tell what youâre thinking about as you look all over his face but the gentle touch of your fingertips puts him at ease as his mind begin to race.Â
âI am happy. There are moments where I feel like the world is crumbling around me, but I know tomorrow is around the corner. I used to think that there wouldnât be people out there who would ever believe all of the things I went through, but meeting the guys and making a life for myself makes me think otherwise. Iâm happier because of it.âÂ
âThat makes me feel hopeful.â
âDoes it?âÂ
He nods and closes his eyes when your fingertip draws an invisible pathway across his cheek and down the bridge of his nose. You get dangerously close to his lips but your hand merely cups his jaw and your simple, gentle touch is enough for Sunghoon to realize heâs fallen far too hard to give up on his future, especially if youâre in it.Â
âYes,â he says in a whisper. âYou make me feel like I could do anything if I try hard enough.âÂ
Sunghoon stares at you like youâve hung up every star in the galaxy for him to see. When he looks at you, everything heâs been too afraid to say comes bubbling to the surface and his life beyond today becomes as clear as day. He wants to wake up next to you every morning and listen to your childhood stories until you run out of breath. He wants to spend every Christmas with you and fill your memory box with as many receipts with his signature on it. There is no future without you in it.Â
You kiss him so tenderly that Sunghoon thinks he might be imagining things. Your palm is warm to the touch and heâs quick to react, pulling your body closer to his while his arms enclose your body against him. Sunghoon doesnât know how many nights heâs spent imagining what your lips taste like or the way you sound with his mouth on yours, but nothing could ever compare to the real thing.Â
He maneuvers you onto his lap because of the limited space on your twin bed and his body feels like itâs set ablaze when the back of your thighs touch his lap. Youâre wearing thin shorts and an oversized shirt while heâs wearing clean basketball shorts from his car and a shirt your mom let him borrow. He feels your breasts push against his muscular chest as you lean against him for support and tilt your head to capture his mouth like youâre trying to taste all of him at once, and Sunghoon thinks he likes it when youâre desperate for him too.Â
The weight of your body on his lap inevitably makes him hard and the quiet gasp into his mouth makes Sunghoon buck himself up into you. You grip onto his shoulders and dig push him back down onto the mattress to keep yourself steady and heâs about to apologize for crossing a boundary until you grind yourself onto him too. You tug at the hem of his shirt and he complies, taking it off in one fell swoop.Â
âYouâre really hot, you know that?âÂ
âWould you believe me if I told you I work out for you?â
âNot even a little bit.â Sunghoon laughs as he pulls your shirt off of your body delicately, cupping your breasts in his hands as he gives them a soft squeeze.Â
âYouâre perfect,â he whispers. âSo perfect.âÂ
Heâs hard underneath you, so much so that you feel him through your thin sleeping shorts. His cock is situated between your folds and every small movement you make is enough to make him feel like heâs losing his mind. Sunghoon holds your breasts in his hands as you push yourself off of his lap just to sink your weight back down. He gives your nipples a squeeze periodically and he makes a mental note when you throw your head back and moan.Â
âIâm so wet,â you whisper when you sit upright, your hips continuing to grind against him. The way your voice cracks makes him feel better about being desperate to feel you. âThis feels so good, Hoonie. But we canât. My momâs down the hall.âÂ
âDo you trust me?âÂ
Seeing you nod is enough for him. Sunghoonâs thankful your mattress isnât loud or bumping against the wall. He temporarily pulls you off of his body to kick off his shorts and feels a bit shy when you stare at how big and hard he is through his boxers. You push your lap back down onto his and he refrains from moaning too loud, silencing himself by pulling your lips down to his by your neck. His hands wander to your ass as you feel his toned chest and abdomen too. He pushes and pulls your body over his cock and moves his lips to kiss up your jawline.Â
âI wish I could fuck you properly like you deserve,â he says, leaving a wet trail of kisses on your skin.Â
âI want that too.âÂ
âIâd worship every inch of you.â He uses his hands to press you against his lap until you bite back a moan. âI want to know what you feel like.â
âFuck.â
âCute.âÂ
He kisses your chin and wraps his arms around your lower back to keep you in place before thrusting his hips up to meet yours. Sunghoon catches you by surprise and you bite his shoulder to keep yourself from moaning too loud every time his clothed cock bumps against your clit. Heâs so warm underneath you and this kind of touch is one that youâve been craving longer than youâd like to admit.Â
The passion is short lived and the two of you donât care how quick it takes the two of you to come undone in the quiet of your bedroom. He kisses you and tries to swallow the sound of your lips smacking against one another, too afraid that one wrong move could make your mother distrust him. Sunghoonâs kisses make you dizzy but you cling onto him like heâs your lifeline until your high ebbs away, and the two of you clean up before getting a well deserved, good nightâs rest.Â
***
Sunghoon can barely keep his hands off of you when the two of you arrive back to your apartment. He tells you to come back to his place and have a cup of tea with him before you part ways and you agree. The entire car ride home made you feel like you might as well be living in one of your daydreams because he didnât mind it when you pulled one of his hands from the steering wheel to hold it the entire drive back. Heâd switch from holding your thigh to kissing the back of your hand every time you changed the music. The two of you sang your hearts out to pop songs from the 2000s and pretended to perform in front of an audience when dramatic ballads came on shuffle.
Things fall into place on the ride back. You decide to pursue a promotion when it opens in the new year and text your friends to tell them youâre safe and with Sunghoon. They make you promise to tell them all about this past weekend and try to get you to reveal your presents, but you refuse and include Sunghoon in all of the jokes they tell you in your group chat before they ask if he wants to be added into the main one. In every sense of the word, it felt like the two of you found a home in each other.Â
He lets you change into fresh clothes and shower before you knock on his apartment. Sunghoon feels his heartbeat picking up when you show up in a tank top and shorts with no bra on, and he feels a bit like a teenage boy seeing a girl semi-naked for the first time. The two of you talk about your trip and the next festive thing youâll do when he feels himself starting to get worked up. All Sunghoon can think about was keeping his promise to you when he made you orgasm through your panties. He wants you to know that he loves you, so he decides to tell you that when you stand up to put your mug in his sink.
âI love you. Iâm telling you right now that Iâd do anything you asked me to.âÂ
Sunghoon squeezes your hips with his fingers like heâs trying to convey what he says through his touch. His breath is warm as it fans against your lips and the heat of his apartment makes your cheeks and neck warm up from where you stand. He breathes heavily, as if his confession carries a great deal of weight to it. Every word he speaks drips with honesty and the loyalty behind it scares you.Â
And yet, you canât bring it in yourself to pull away when he kisses you.Â
His soft, pillowy lips approach your own with caution. You feel him hover above you until heâs ghosting his mouth against yours as if youâre a magnet he can no longer resist. Sunghoonâs lips descend upon your own and he holds your body tightly against him like heâs afraid youâll disappear if he lets go.Â
You both move like two slow dancers, swaying to the silent melody only audible by those who pay close enough attention. Itâs at this moment you understand why poets and romantics speak of a hidden language only two lovers know. Sunghoonâs confession strengthens the feelings youâve harbored for him and something about the way he touches you makes you feel like you can let go of your inhibitions. Heâs brought your eagerness bubbling to the surface and you find that the harder you try to ignore your love for him, the louder your heart beats inside of your chest.Â
You canât help but think about how perfectly you slot against Sunghoon when you wrap your arms around his neck. He squeezes your hips the more you push into him and kisses you like heâs trying to commit the way your lips feel to memory. All of your worries melt into the floor the moment Sunghoon pulls away to look at your face under the ambient lighting and his gentle touch brushes your hair out of your face. His delicate thumbs come to cup your jawline and rub the apples of your cheeks as if you were made of something breakable. Sunghoon looks at you like this with the kind of gaze that can only be described as fondness. He looks at you with an accumulation of his feelings and desires of being wanted for who he is, not who heâs supposed to be.Â
When Sunghoon looks at you, what he sees before him is a strong girl who braves the toughest weather in a tiny row boat with nothing but her wits and a single paddle. Itâs your intelligence and patience that steers you away from the turbulent waters. Youâre a beacon that lights a dark tunnel and deep down, Sunghoon knows that youâre his guiding light thatâll lead him home. It was your charm and passion that drew him in, and itâs your resilience and willpower that makes him want to stay.Â
âI am nothing without you.â Sunghoon kisses both of your cheeks and his warm lips feel like comforting reminders that heâll always be with you.Â
âHoonieâŚâ
âWhat is it?âÂ
âKiss me.âÂ
He does, with a slow pass at your lips while his hands cradle your cheeks in his hands and the tenderness of his touch feels something akin to puzzle pieces falling into place. The feeling is intense and overwhelming the more you drink in Sunghoonâs words to you and in this very moment, you allow yourself to believe he means what he says. Your hands find perch on his wrists as you grip onto him to anchor yourself. Sunghoon keeps kissing you as he puts one hand behind your head while the other moves to your upper back. Heâs got you, even when you fall onto the mattress behind you when he dips your body backwards.Â
Sunghoon hovers above your body and cages you underneath him as his warm mouth pushes against you rougher than before. He squeezes your hip until both legs are wide open enough for him to slot his body between them. Itâs like he canât get enough of the way you feel against his body because he finally has you exactly where he wants you. Sunghoonâs heart beats loudly in his chest that he feels the vibrations in his ears the more he listens to the way you two kiss, paired with your hands pushing up his shirt. Your fingernails rake down his abdomen and it leaves him a panting mess while he sucks in his stomach at the intense feeling. Sunghoon pushes a quiet moan against your mouth and you drink it up like itâs water.Â
âI want to see you.âÂ
You whisper your incantation against his lips and the desperation in your voice enchants him. Sunghoon moves his fingertips to the hem of his shirt and briefly disconnects your mouth to pull it over his body completely before coming back down to kiss you again. He feels your hands spread across his shoulders and arms, squeezing his biceps while you moan at their firmness. They touch his chest and down to his sculpted abdomen when he jolts and he emits that same, breathy moan from before.Â
Sunghoon chases your lips when you push his chest away from you and it takes two tries until heâs pulling his body back. The way you look underneath him does not compare to when he dreams of you like this. Youâre breathtaking and alluring with your hair fanned out and lips wet and swollen from his kiss. He loves the way you look at him like heâs your consolation prize for befriending him all that time ago, and Sunghoon thinks he loves the feeling of you looking at his body like youâre a step from objectifying him. It feels like youâre finally taking what you want without hesitating to, like youâre not ashamed of feeling so intensely about him. That guard you keep up, the one placed there in protection against those who have the intention of abandoning you, has vanished only for him.
âTouch me.âÂ
His baritone command rings in your head while your hand spreads across his abdomen. Your fingers feel every hard ridge and the way he constricts his stomach underneath your touch. Sunghoon holds your hand underneath his to pull it up to his neck and guides you down his body as if he wants you to memorize what he feels like too. Somewhere between his parted lips and intense eye contact is when you realize your sanity is nowhere to be found, and it seems like he can tell because he feels the way your legs squeeze him.Â
âI want you to see me too.âÂ
His fingers lift the hem of your shirt. âCan I take this off?â
When you nod, his fingers begin to tremble the higher the fabric travels up your body. Your skin is warm and soft underneath his tongue and heâs afraid that heâll forget what you look like if his eyes stray from you. He pushes your top until he sees your deep green bra that hides your chest from him and pushes your back into an arch for him to unhook the fabric without much of a fuss.Â
He doesnât know where to look first. The bra is thrown haphazardly beside him and you canât bring yourself to care about where it is on his bedroom floor. Instead, his hands cup your breasts and his fingers give a light squeeze as if to experiment with them. Sunghoonâs eyes gloss over your body and his mouth parts in astonishment the more he soaks your image in. He brings the pads of his thumbs to rub your nipples that have grown hard and sensitive since he pushed you onto the bed.Â
Slowly, he descends. His warm mouth wraps around your left nipple with a tantalizing slowness that makes you feel like time is frozen around the two of you. Your heart drums in your chest at his merciful tongue that experimentally licks your nub. Sunghoonâs eyes dart up to look at you and drink in every reaction from his movements, and when he feels your chest arch into him upon sucking his mouth around your nipple, he brings his hand to the other and pinches it until you yelp.Â
He flattens his tongue to lick you up before moving his head to switch to your other nipple, pressing a wet kiss to the valley between your breasts before attaching himself back onto you. The spot where his lips touched you blooms underneath your skin and sends a soft buzz all over your body. Itâs hard to focus on his mouth when you feel overwhelmed in the best way possible.Â
âSo soft.â Sunghoon mutters in the quiet silence apart from your quiet pants and his mouth working your nipple. He grips your breasts and pushes them together as if to admire your naked chest with you watching him.Â
âHoonieââ
âI need to taste you.â He licks between both nipples and speaks as if heâs read your mind just by looking at you. âCan I? Please?âÂ
To be yearned like this feels like it couldâve been a blessing from above. Sunghoon looks at you with determination when you nod and you watch him sink further down your body with his hands following in his wake. In the quiet of his room, the bedsheets rustle underneath you when he beckons you to sit back against the pillows at the top of his bed. His warm and heavy breaths touch your thighs when he hooks his fingers around your shorts and pulls them down along with your panties. He hums when he pulls them off of you completely and looks directly between your legs, bringing both of his palms to feel your smooth legs until they come to grip your inner thighs.Â
His electric touch is a spark you cannot seem to run away from. You feel completely frozen underneath his stare but you canât bring yourself to shy away from his touch or sink deeper within yourself. Something about the man before you brings out the desires and needs you keep locked away, tucked inside the smallest cupboard in the back of your mind with the key long gone. But somehow, Sunghoon has paved his own way and brought you to your knees with a single kiss.
Sunghoon kisses your inner thighs, his pillowy lips leaving traces of cool spit onto your hot skin. His slow, soft pace is the kind of patience you wish for yourself. You love how kind and gentle he is when heâs with you and he never pushes you farther than your own capacity. He lets you set the tone and lead him wherever you choose to go, and his delicate touches with your body completely bare before him makes you think love and sex can be just as powerful as everyone says it is. When Sunghoonâs mouth comes to pass your core, he kisses the middle of your slit and savors the way your lap moves against him.Â
âYou feel so good.â He mutters against your other thigh like heâs saying a prayer. âSo pliant for me.â Sunghoon nips at the juncture and smiles to himself when you gasp before returning to your mound, his left hand caressing your thigh while his other brings his thumb to knick at your hardened, aroused nub.Â
âSunghoon, I canâtâŚâ
âCanât what, baby?âÂ
âI canât wait anymore.â When Sunghoon looks up at you, he sees the lust by the way your mouth parts just slightly ajar and how your chest rises and falls in anticipation. Who is he to deny you of your pleasure?Â
Without another word, Sunghoon closes his eyes and sticks his tongue out to lick a fat stripe up your folds. Your moans are like music to his ears and he swears he could bottle it up and keep it shelved for days. The way you taste covers the surface of his wet muscle and he hums right into your core the more his mouth explores your aroused hole, poking the tip inside of you with every other swipe of his tongue just to tease you.Â
âAh, ahh!â Sunghoon loves hearing the way you whine underneath him and moans in appreciation when you roll your hips against his face because of him. It motivates him to move his head against you too, angling his face to lick every every single part of you.Â
Your hands find themselves gripping your naked breasts in an attempt to ground yourself as your chest becomes one with the ceiling the more you arch your back. Sunghoonâs hands come to hold your waist and keep your legs spread before him before you can even think about falling back onto the bed. His touch is magnetic and you donât think youâve ever been so desperate to be touched by anyone before him.Â
He lets your body fall and decides to give your legs a break since theyâve been spread out for him for so long. Your hips thank him when he lifts them both into the air and temporarily separates himself from your core to look at you like this. Sunghoon rises to kneel before you and his saliva leaves a string of spit when he detaches from your swollen folds.Â
âYour pussy is so pretty.â Sunghoon stares intently at your glistening core and heâs mesmerized by the way you clench at his praise. He brings his thumb to your clit and rubs your sensitive nub and smears your wetness around your folds, his other hand holding your legs up for you. âI canât believe you deprived me of it for so long.Â
âI wanna cum,â you moan selfishly when he sticks two of his fingers inside. Your smooth walls engulf his digits and your arousal splashes around the more he pumps them in and out of you.Â
âMy baby wants to cum?â he asks rhetorically, thrusting his fingers rapidly while your hands come to steady your legs in the air the way heâs been holding you. âYou deserve to cum, baby. Let me make you feel good. Shit, yeah, squeeze my fingers just like that.â
âI-I canât hold it!âÂ
âCum right now or Iâll stop fucking you.â
As if a damâs protective guard had shattered into a million pieces, Sunghoonâs command tips you over the edge and you release around his fingers. Your mind feels dizzy with the nonstop pleasure heâs been giving you and the way his fingers reach the deepest parts within you the more he angles himself on top of your body. His soft praises of a job well done sink into your chest the more he speaks. The sight of his toned biceps moving with every pass of your pussy makes you clench and push your orgasm out around his fingers. Sunghoon smiles wickedly at your mound the more you cream around his fingers and only stops pumping himself when your pussy squeezes him out. He brings his hand to his mouth and wraps them around his digits.Â
âMm,â he hums, closing his eyes and letting his shoulders drop. You peek at his lap and see his fully hardened cock tenting in his pants. The impressive size stares back at you like itâs daring you to take a peek. Sunghoon licks his fingers clean and catches you staring at his dick when he opens his eyes, but your lustful gaze only fuels his arousal. He leaks in his boxers and feels the precum soak the fabric.Â
âYou taste so fucking good.â
âReally?â Sunghoon grips your legs gently and settles them back down onto the mattress, soothing your sore thighs with his palms as he lightly massages your skin. He bends down to lick you one more time.
âBest pussy Iâve ever tasted. I could die between your legs.âÂ
âSunghoon.âÂ
âIâm being serious.âÂ
He watches your hole when he pulls his pants and boxers down below his balls until his cock springs out and bounces in your presence. Heâs big and girthy, just like youâd imagined the first time you saw the outline of his dick in his pants one morning. Sunghoon wraps his palm around his length and gives himself an experimental squeeze, hissing at the warm contact before tilting his head to spit on the head before stroking himself. The wet sound makes your core jolt in excitement. He watches you looking at him with your bottom lip caught between your teeth with an expression so determined that it makes him laugh from above you.Â
âEager for me?â You look up but you donât answer him. âIâm always so fucking hard for you but I didnât want to scare you away. You wore this long black dress that made your body look like sin a while back. I think about what your ass looked like in that dress from time to time.âÂ
Your brows furrow in confusion. âI havenât worn that dress in so longâŚthat was before we met.â
âYeah,â he confesses, twisting his wrist against himself before pinching the tip. âThought you were cute back then.âÂ
âWhy didnât you say anything?â He stops stroking himself and kicks off the rest of his clothing before settling back between your stomach and cups your jawline with his hand. The way he looks at you is pure and nearly clichĂŠ, like the two of you might as well be the lead roles in a romance film. His warm, brown eyes bore into yours and you canât say you donât love it when he looks at you like this.Â
âI didnât want to get too attached to anything or anyone because I knew I had to go back home. I kept telling myself I wouldnât do anything unless something gave me a reason to talk to you, and then we ran into each other with Jakeâs ugly sweater.âÂ
You cheeks head up. âI forgot about that.âÂ
He kisses your lips once. âYou looked so cute in it.â
âI look atrocious, Hoonie. Itâs okay, itâs called an ugly sweater for a reason.â
âYou could wear a trash bag and make it look fashionable.âÂ
âThatâs a bit of a stretch, but I appreciate your faith in me.â Sunghoon kisses the tip of your nose. When he moves, you feel his bare cock resting against your folds and push your hips to meet him. His cock slots between them and Sunghoon hums when you grind against him, holding one of your hips steady.Â
âMake me wet, baby.â Sunghoon kisses your jawline and his wet lips leave a cool trail on your skin the more you grind against him. âMake my cock wet enough to fuck you.âÂ
âShit, shitâŚâ
âFeels good, yeah?â
âSo good,â you whisper. He kisses just beneath your earlobe and puckers his lips until he sucks the skin underneath. The tip of his cock catches your clit with every other pass and Sunghoon drinks up your moans like itâs water.Â
âYouâre gonna be a good girl and let me stick it in, right? You want my cock just as badly as I want your pussy, donât you?âÂ
âYouâre so fucking good at this.â He chuckles and his warm breath against your ear makes you shiver.
âGood at what, babe?â
âTalking. Touching me, fuckâŚeverything.â
He drags his nose across your neck to the other side. âYou deserve to feel good. Youâve been running around all over Seoul with no one to take care of you but me.âÂ
âCanât believe I want you this much.â Without disrupting the position, Sunghoon reaches between your bodies and angles his cock until it breaches your hole with just his tip. It pulls a gasp out of you and Sunghoon lifts his head to watch your face morph in pleasure with your mouth open slightly ajar and eyes almost squinting in disbelief.Â
âYou don't even know the half of it. I want all of you all the time.â He pushes another inch inside of you. âI want to mold your pussy to the shape of my cock to the point that nobody else can fuck you as good as I can.âÂ
You grip onto his biceps. âF-Fuck.â
âI want to be the only person you look for. I donât care how long it takes me to come back, but Iâm not leaving you behind. I want you. Only you.âÂ
The feeling you get when youâre with him makes your chest feel tight with love and admiration the more Sunghoon looks at you like youâre the object of his affection, as if youâre something he cannot live without. You didnât know that love could feel like an accumulation of every happy memory replaying in your head simultaneously. This newfound overwhelming sensation makes you feel like there isnât anything you canât face, as long as you face them with Sunghoon.Â
He, on the other hand, finally understands why people talk about finding a home within another person. Heâd never given second thought to romance when he knew that his life was planned out for him since he was born and never once thought that heâd get to make decisions on his own about his feelings when his entire livelihood is surrounded by order and duty. But here you are, lying so beautiful underneath him like a mosaic built from colorful stained glass with the sun peeking through it. You look like a dream with your face so pretty the more he pushes into you until heâs buried himself to his full capacity.Â
Neither of you have ever had sex like this, so pure and raw with your bodies in tune with one another. It feels like the two of you exist beyond space and time with the way your breathing intensifies the more Sunghoon pulls out from you just to push right back inside. The intensity that permeates around his bedroom makes your breath run short and it fuels Sunghoon to keep a slow and steady rhythm, allowing his cock to reach the deepest parts within you without pushing you too fast. The whole affair is erotic and what can only be described as lovemaking. Sunghoon watches your eyes squeeze shut below him and brings a hand to push the stray hair away from your face. He thinks the two of you mustâve been fated in every universe for him to find, because there is not a single person he could ever imagine loving more than you.Â
âIâll fuck you every single day if you let me,â Sunghoon mutters against your neck. He pulls his body up and places both palms on either side of your body before rolling his hips back. The new angle pushes him in a way that makes you moan loudly.Â
âFuck, Sunghoon.âÂ
âMy babyâs so fucking pretty when sheâs filled with my cock. Do you love this as much as I do?âÂ
âYes!â
âDo you love me as much as I love you?â
You donât hesitate to answer him.Â
âI love you. I want you here forever.âÂ
âI can give you forever. I swear on it.âÂ
He pistons his hips until the audible sound of his pelvis smacking against yours becomes the loudest sound in the room. His balls slap against your ass when you wrap your legs around his waist until he drops to his elbows to catch you and squeeze your body when you clench around him. He tucks himself into your neck and his forehead feels warm and sweaty to the touch, but you canât say that you donât love how much heâs putting his bodyâand yoursâthrough the ringer just to make you cum as many times as he possibly can.Â
None of this feels real. Sunghoon might as well be a figment of your imagination because it seemed impossible for sex to feel as good as heâs making you feel. All of your concerns about the future donât exist when heâs bringing you closer and closer to your second orgasm. He, too, pushes all of his unwanted thoughts away in favor of helping you chase your release. Sunghoonâs determined to show you just how much he loves you by any means possible, and if his words of conviction wonât do him justice, he hopes his body will.Â
Itâs uncanny the way you feel completely safe around Sunghoon, when no one else has ever made you close to feeling the way you do with you. Youâre able to break right before his very eyes and pick yourself off of the floor without feeling ashamed to have insecure and unwanted feelings about love and your attitude surrounding happenstances. You live your life based on the principle that everything happens for a reason and that people come and go but lessons will always stick with you. The people who live as ghosts in your past serve as reminders of painful memories and people who were never supposed to be here for very long, and you pray to the Heavens that Sunghoon is somebody meant to be in your life until forever comes to an end.Â
Sunghoon holds himself off until he feels you unravel around him by the way you cling onto his body and clench around his cock. He brings his lips to yours and roughly pushes against your swollen ones when he feels you coming undone and allows himself to follow your lead. His cum fills you with thick, white ropes and oozes out from around him when your pussy canât hold it in anymore. Sunghoon slows his pace down the more you try to catch your breath in an attempt to help you ride out your orgasm without overwhelming you too much. The squelches keep him semi-hard and your lips taste exactly like his favorite memory.Â
âMy good girl,â he whispers. âSo sexy when you cum.âÂ
âYouâre one to talk. You look like fucking Adonis right now.âÂ
Sunghoon laughs and kisses your forehead. âYou flatter me too much.âÂ
âNuh uh. Iâm telling you the truth. Itâs a little unfair how you always look so good, even when you arenât trying.âÂ
âYouâre one to talk.â He kisses your lips. âYou always look soâŚcute.â
âJust cute?âÂ
âPretty, too.âÂ
âOnly pretty?â Sungoon smacks your outer thigh.Â
âYou are very beautiful and Iâm enamored with you.âÂ
That makes you blush. âHoon.âÂ
âWhat? Canât a guy proclaim his love anymore?âÂ
Sunghoonâs body is warm against yours and he looks down at you with a fond smile in a way you always hoped somebody would. His dark eyes feel warm from above you and something about the way heâs watching you doesnât make you feel observed. Rather, you feel a blooming warmth within your chest and nuzzle into his touch when he brings his hand to cup your face and rub the apple of your cheek. Sunghoon is gentle with his touch and you find it unbelievable that heâs managed to squeeze his way into your comfort zone as successfully as he had. You love his touch. You crave it, even.
His smile widens when you kiss the underside of his hand with a sweet peck and tilts his head in amusement. You feel bashful when Sunghoon looks at you like this because it feels reminiscent of having a crush in your childhood years, but with him, you canât find that you dislike the way that you feel. His palm is warm and comforting, especially after spending so much time putting your body through physical rigor in ways youâve never experienced. His strength never ceases to impress you and the nights youâve spent picturing yourself underneath him suddenly have merit to them now.Â
You find yourself breaking your own character when you lift your head up to push Sunghoonâs lips against yours and his response is immediate. Sunghoonâs plush lips melt right into yours and he slots himself against you like he was always supposed to be there, letting your head lie against the bed while his arm holds your waist. Everything about Sunghoon makes you wonder if love is supposed to feel like a quiet hug amidst a rainstorm, or if itâs supposed to feel like the crescendo in a brilliant symphonic masterpiece. Perhaps itâs a combination of both or none at all. These deep feelings you have for him have never been brought out by anyone before him.Â
Sunghoon must know what youâre thinking because his hand travels up your body and back to your hair, gently scraping your scalp with his blunt fingertips. It feels so good to be loved and doted on like this without feeling like you donât deserve to find an ounce of happiness with somebody who tells you they love you. Years of running away from the feeling of a comfortable embrace melts away with every second that passes with your lips on Sunghoonâs. He feels like every bit of home youâve spent your whole life yearning for.Â
âWhat are you thinking about?â His question pulls you out of your thoughts and you canât find it in you to lie to him.Â
âIs it selfish that I want you to stay?âÂ
âNo, itâs not. I donât want to leave Seoul either. I donât want to leave you.â
âIt feels like I just got you but now I have to let you go.â
He kisses you. âYou donât have to let me go. Iâll do whatever it takes to convince my parents to let me live the life that I want. Our trip to your hometown made me realize thereâs more to life than peopleâs expectations of me.â Â
You bottom lip quivers. âIâm scared that they wonât budge and that youâll leave. Iâm scared that youâre going to move on and leave me here thinking about you.âÂ
âIâd never.â He shakes his head like itâs a fact. âI could never forget you. I would never even think about moving on from you. Iâm scared that somebodyâs gonna snatch you up when Iâm away.âÂ
âIâm really in love with you, unfortunately.â Sunghoon nips at your lip and cherishes the way you laugh. He looks away from you for a split second but the soothing touch of his hand feels comforting. He watches you frown for a minute. âI didnât get you a present.â
âBaby, youâre my present.â
âThat was really corny.â
âIt was, wasnât it?â He kisses you once more. âYouâre too important for me to give up. I donât want to let you go.âÂ
Somehow, you know heâs telling the truth.Â
âDoes this mean Iâm your boyfriend now?â
âYou have to ask.â
âCan I be your boyfriend?âÂ
You silence him with a kiss and when he feels you smiling against him, he has his answer.Â
****
comments and reblogs are appreciated! :) x
#enhypen smut#sunghoon smut#enhypen x reader#sunghoon x reader#enha x reader#kpop fanfiction#kpop x reader#park sunghoon smut#park sunghoon x reader#enhypen fanfiction#park sunghoon fanfiction#sunghoon fanfiction#sunghoon fluff#park sunghoon fluff#enha fanfiction#my writing*#grocery store receipts
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âă âŚăË â ăâżâă 𼪠ă
âă âŚăË â ăâżâă đ§ ă
#7 eleven#ive moodboard#aesthetic#aesthetic moodboard#kpop moodboard#messy moodboard#colorful moodboard#alternative moodboard#cute moodboard#kpop layouts#âăâăâ˝ăiuyunji#green moodboard#food moodboard#convenience store#rei moodboard#rei ive moodboard
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i didnt get to see her but its crazy i was in the same state as chuu last night... đŤ˘
#my art#kpop#chuu#went to two diff kpop album stores but couldnt find her album đ will have to keep looking online...#thought id have better luck in cali but i guess not đĽ˛
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âââ â˘đŚ´â¨ł â â â§
Ëł âŠâ
âââ â˘đŹâ¨ł â â â§
Ëł âŠâ
ďźâ
ęáľęďź âźâĄ @hyefilms
HAPPY 775 FLWRS & IM DEBATING ON COMING BACK (off break)
#kthemes#moodboard#kpop moodboard#decor moodboard#cute moodboard#decor#discord#gg moodboard#kpop aesthetic#kpop gg#white moodboard#messy moodboard#pink moodboard#bright moodboard#y2k moodboard#colorful moodboard#aesthetic moodboard#clean moodboard#coquette moodboard#summer moodboard#blue moodboard#old moodboard#purple moodboard#vintage moodboard#beach moodboard#victoria secret#victoria secret kpop moodboard#victoria secret moodboard#mall moodboard#store moodboard
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#: ĚĚâ ayatxt#chemical#agata#divider by @issysh3ll#kpop moodboard#hanni moodboard#purple moodboard#kpop icons#kpop layouts#candy moodboard#cookie moodboard#dessert moodboard#cute icons#hanni icons#hanni layouts#newjeans#newjeans icons#newjeans moodboard#newjeans layouts#hanni#candy store#day moodboard#candy#cookie#gg moodboard#gg icons#gg layouts#hanni packs#newjeans packs#kpop
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new photocard holders incoming â
彥
#art#digital art#digital illustration#fanart#kpop#kpop fanart#skz#skz fanart#stray kids#staytist#enhypen#photocard#pc#enhypen kpop#kpop skz#kpop merch#kpop store#kpop fanartist
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okay. fuck. i am weak. eurasian continent people where do you order kpop stuff from?
#like kpop online stores with adequate shipping prices#i NEED acrylics yunho and bare belly seonghwa pics in my possession
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GIRLLL!!! I have already looked through all your posts and your writings are sooooo good :(((
.... There:(( can you please write a fluff, one shot of hoon and the introverted and unsocial y/n đđŤś
sweet (in)convenience.
note: i needed to get a sunghoon one shot out so why not! i hope this is okay~ thank you sm for reading my stuff!! and thank you to @euphoricfilter for helping me come up with an idea for this one shot. <33
tags/desc: (have you ever gone to the store with your parents and they randomly rush away leaving you in line by yourself while they grab something âquicklyâ? yeah, thatâs what this is.) introverted, socially anxious reader and soft teasing sunghoon who does the talking for them. holding hands, brief kisses, reassurance, friendly teasing, short convenience store trip with sunghoon.
genre: fluff, comfort, established relationship.
pairing: sunghoon x you (y/n), gender neutral but term âpassenger princessâ is used.
warnings: pet names like âbabeâ & âloveâ used a few times. very brief mention of a panic/anxiety attack.
wcâ 1.6k, one shot format.
âWhatâs going on with all these people?â Sunghoon scanned around the cramped store, bewildered by the number of people as the bell on the door announced your entrance.
âI guess there must be some sort of celebration or event going on somewhere close by and people needed some snacks or something,â you shrugged.
He suddenly gasped, making you look up at him in wonder, âOr maybe theyâre gaining supplies because theyâre revolting against something and weâre missing out.â
You stared at him blankly.
âOkay, yeah. Letâs go with your idea.â
You giggled, giving him an eye roll in response. Sunghoon was quite silly, but he was really nice company. Being around him always felt sort of like there was a bubble around you, providing you protection and always making you feel so comfortable and safe no matter where you were, or went. As long as he was by your side, it was okay.
You followed Sunghoon around as he grabbed things off the shelves, âwhat are we actually here for again?â
âI wanted to grab a few things for that gathering Iâm going to later with the guys. Iâm pretty sure everyone is bringing some sort of snack. Plus, we desperately need milk in the house. Weâre out again.â
Sunghoon quickly closed the door of the store's refrigerator. Then, you followed him into the queue for checkout. He had already gotten what he needed.
You sighed, âWell, maybe if you didnât drink milk on its own, we would actually have some left for the cereal.â
âWhatâs your problem with drinking milk on its own? Itâs good. Literally, donât bash it until youâve tried it, girl.â Sunghoon tried to do some sort of swish with his hair and neck, but it didnât work like he had intended it to.
Your eyes widened with surprise and you let out a small laugh, âWhy are you trying to sound sassy?â
âDid you not hear? Itâs the⌠whatâs it called? Oh right, the sassy man apocalypse, or something like that. Ah, can you also hold this for me? I forgot something. Iâll be right back,â he shoved the shopping basket into your arms, flashed you a thankful smile, and winked as he dashed off to grab whatever he had forgotten.
You felt a rush of anxiety, âUh actually Sunghoon-â
You had tried to call out to him before he ran off, but he had left so fast and couldnât hear you over the noise of the crazy amount of customers in the store.
âHeâll be quick,â you internally thought- trying to reassure yourself. It was very hard to believe since Sunghoon had just left you in the checkout line all by yourself with his basket of stuff and absolutely no money or preparation.
There were only a few people in front of you. You couldnât help but immediately start to overthink it all. Another customer finished, leaving one left until it was your turn. No sight of Sunghoon yet.
Maybe it all seemed a bit dramatic to anybody else, but to you, this was one of the most terrifying situations to be in. You had really bad social anxiety and besides Sunghoon and those closest to you- you didnât really talk to people much. At least not if you didnât have to. People thought you were just a little shy, but you really couldnât help it. You could barely remember a time when you had ever been comfortable in public alone interacting with people. These days, you brought Sunghoon everywhere with you.
If you had to interact with the cashier right now, explain that you actually don't have any money on you to pay for it, inconvenience not only the cashier but the customers behind you too, and have to tell them to wait- oh it was all just too much for you. Your mind spiralled. You were sure youâd have a breakdown.
You then began to feel the symptoms of a panic attack come on. Your palms began to become clammy with sweat and your chest suddenly became tight as if there was an excessive depletion of oxygen in the room or something like that. Your breath became irregular and on the brink of hyperventilation.
And even with all of this, you still tried to keep composed so that the people around you wouldnât judge you.
âNext customer please.â
It was your turn, but you felt yourself freeze in the spot. A sharp ringing began in your ears and the environment around you became blurred as if it was all happening all at once.
A familiar pair of warm arms wrapped around you, embracing you from behind gently. It broke you out from your episode, and suddenly you felt relieved again.
âHey babe, itâs our turn silly.â
Sunghoon had returned just in time, but you felt like it had taken him forever. You looked up at him with weary eyes as he let go and took the basket from you, putting it up on the register counter. He then turned back to you and tucked your hair away from your face and behind your left ear.
âLove, how about you wait on that bench outside for me?â His eyes scanned yours, feeling guilty for leaving you alone like that.
And so you did wait patiently as he checked out, paid, and came out from the bustling mini store. You got up from the bench and he instantly reached for your hand, neatly quilting the gaps between each of your fingers with his own. He had such pretty hands- you were sure they were built especially just for yours.
âIâm so sorry for taking so long, my love. There were these annoying kids that just wouldnât get out of the way,â he apologised sincerely, âI wouldâve pushed them over or kicked them in the back of the legs if it wasn't, like, borderline illegal.â
âItâs okay,â you sighed, still disappointed in yourself.
âIâm proud of you,â he smiled.
Like that one friend who canât read a room for the life of them, a street salesperson rushed over and began to speak to the pair of you.
Sunghoon squeezed your hand tight and pulled you a little bit behind himself- protecting you and shielding you away from them.
âWeâre busy,â Sunghoon brushed them off and continued to walk with you.
But they began to follow, âJust five minutes of your time sir-â
Sunghoon stopped abruptly and looked them in the eyes with a threatening glance, âIâm sorry, did you not hear me?â
âAh, I understand sir. Have a nice day,â they had suddenly changed their mind.
Sunghoon stepped forward toward them, âMove.â
Finally, the salesperson walked away, leaving you alone. Sunghoon still held your hand securely as you continued your interrupted journey toward the car together.
You looked at him as you walked, âwhat was that about?â
âWhat was what about?â
âThat just now- what happened to always talking to people gently, Mr. Nice guy?â You mocked him.
âThat was an exception. They were annoying, and came way too close to you,â he grunted.
Eventually, you arrived at the car and settled yourselves inside. You were the passenger princess, of course.
You felt Sunghoonâs gaze on you as you put your seatbelt on. Your instincts must have been strong because as soon as you turned your head, your eyes met Sunghoonâs again- staring right at you from the driver's seat with a sly smile.
âWhat?â You raised an eyebrow.
Sunghoon leaned forward, inching close to your lips, just not far enough forward to touch them with his own yet. Still close, his eyes trailed back up from your mouth to your eyes, âIâm sorry again,â he whispered before finally leaning in all the way and giving you a kiss full of apologies.
It wasnât really his fault, but you wouldnât reject a kiss from him, no matter the circumstance. So, you just melted into it.
You could feel his smile widen against your lips as he began to softly chuckle to himself.
You pulled away, âwhatâs so funny?â
Sunghoon chuckled more, âIt's just, I was only gone for like, less than two minutes.â
âSo?â
âSo⌠you really missed me then huh,â he smiled mischievously.
You rolled your eyes and softly pushed him away, âYouâre so annoying.â
âI guess we need to be glued to each other,â he continued.
âYâall hear something?â you asked an imaginary audience.
Sunghoon snatched your arm and grabbed your hand, âwe have to hold hands forever. Sorry!â He kept teasing.
âHoon. Just DRIVE.â
Later on, you were all snuggled up in your bed alone with your laptop, watching yet another winter movie in the middle of October. It was one of the best feelings, being all wrapped up in blankets and fresh clean PJâs. No responsibilities to take care of as of right now.
The door creaked open and Sunghoon slid his head into the room with a grin, âWhat are you up to?â
You looked at the time on your screen and back up at Sunghoon, âYouâre still here? Arenât you going to be late for that thing youâre supposed to be going to?â
âI decided not to go,â he came into the room fully, hands behind his back.
âWell, why not? Are you feeling sick?â
âNo, my love, I would just rather spend time with you more than anyone else tonight. So I cancelled,â he approached the side of the bed.
You noticed his hands hidden away, you could only assume he had something, âwhatâs that?â
âWhatâs what?â
You squinted suspiciously, âHoon.â
âOkay, okay. Give me your hands,â he pulled out a selection of some of your favourite sweet treats from behind him and slid them into your hands.
âWhen did you get these?â
âWhen I left you in the line. I refuse to leave you empty-handed.â
You smiled, âI didnât even notice.â
He gave you a peck on the forehead. Then, he slid into the bed sheets next to you with a huge cheesy smile.
âSo what are we watching?â
end note: all feedback/notes are appreciated! thank you so much for reading ^^ !! ALSO HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THE ORANGE BLOOD CONCEPT TRAILER? I WAS FLABBERGASTED. if you havenât, youâre missing out. iâm so excited for this comeback.
#enhypen#engene#enhypen x reader#enhypen imagines#kpop#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fic#enhypen fluff#sunghoon#park sunghoon#enhypen sunghoon#hoon#enha#fluff#convenience store#romance#social anxiety#enhypen comfort#comfort#enhypen x yn#enhypen x you#enhypen x y/n#enhypen x gender neutral reader#enhypen x female reader#enhypen x reader fic#one shot#enhypen one shot#crowd#enhypen romance#established relationship
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Look, I don't believe in preferential treatment, it's not right.... BUT âď¸ if we're gonna have changbin saying sydney is skz's second hometown I just think maybe australia could not be charged things like 60+ dollars shipping.... or 75 dollars for a normal album at the most prominent music retailer when other places pay 15-20 for the same thing.... lol
#like sometimes i think ppl think im being dramatic but over the years ive had ppl randomly look up how much we get charged for randon stuff#and every time theyre like WHYS IT 50 BUCKS MORE FOR YOU EVEN WITH EXCHANGE RATES FACTORED#and im like... idk ?#ausflation#like there are these little anime figurines my little cousin really liked and in jp yen which is equivalent to aud roundabout#theyre from about 36 to 42 dollars and in aus theyre all like 86+ dollars ? why. maybe 10 dollars more okay but why twice over ?#why#someone play why by skz#Why#like you can go online and find better deals but its sorta a hassle#and a regular old mum who has a 15 yr old who asks for a skz album for Christmas will probably just go in store and then be like why tf#lmao#we're being finagled#but also this just reminded me of last xmas when i saw a mum in the kpop section and she was so pissed off bc '#and i quote 'none of these albums have NAMES ON THEM' and then i looked and she was right#like there were numerous groups but very few had boxes that actuslly said NCT WISH or what#it was just like random graphic art or a couple were actually just plain boxes with a symbol#like if youre a kpop head you know the symbols but if you are aunty jen and you dont know this shit? fucked time really funny
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BANG CHAN AT SKZOO POP UP STOREâźď¸
jyp hide the scissors his hair are so longđĽšđĽš heâs so cute!
credits:
dreamy_chan
yangbreadlove
seungduong_0922
ueniikou
#bang chan#cb97#3racha#skz#stray kids#kpop#skzoo#wolf chan#christopher bang#skz stay#stay#pop up store#pop up shop#chan
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to all the kpop fans who go to stores like target, barnes & noble, and walmart to look at albums, only for you to rip them open and steal all the inclusions, shame on you. donât act surprised when every store starts locking them with security tags and acrylic boxes, store them behind the counter, make them online exclusive or simply not sell them anymore because you rather commit a crime instead of purchasing one like any other normal person would.
#kpop#bts#txt#blackpink#twice#nct#nct 127#nct dream#wayv#red velvet#aespa#itzy#stray kids#le sserafim#newjeans#enhypen#seventeen#fromis 9#no cause who does this?#imagine getting caught stealing them đđ#hella embarrassing#stealing is a crime but apparently it isnt when it comes to kpop#i know stores started using security tags and boxes#i heard other stores store them behind the counter or in stock rooms#but if this keeps up theyâll probably do the online exclusive method#i get that they can be expensive but please have some human decency and dont steal#rants
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Each blooming flower has a story to tell someone. In this writing event, those stories will be shared through a tender narrative, with the guidance of some precious characters to our hearts.
⧠masterlist:
chapter one: Daisy. âWeâll always be best friends, okay?â âOkay.â with S.Coups.
chapter two: Gardenia."Who's the most beautiful person you've seen?" "The one that's asking the question." "What?" "What?" with: ?
chapter three: Mallow. "Sweetheart, you're all I ever needed." with: ?
chapter four: Sunflower. "Just tell them you like them." "What are you talking about?" "You like them, don't you?" "No, absolutely not. Haha, no. Maybe." with: ?
chapter five: Petunia. âWell, well, well, if it isnât the most despicable person on this whole earthâŚâ âSweetheart, I know Iâm your favorite. No need to pretend.â with: ?
chapter six: Rose. "It's truly funny...how you can't choose who you want to be in love with. I didn't choose to be in love with you. It just happened, and I wish it didn't." with: ?
chapter seven: Myosotis. "You can't go. You cannot leave me here. You promised we'll be together forever." with: ?
chapter eight: Lavender. âWe could be something more than this. Something we both want, something we both feel.â with: ?
chapter nine: Peony. âI donât want you to be perfect, sweetheart. I want you to be who you are.â with: ?
chapter ten: Orchid. "I hope you know that I'll never leave your side, even though you ate half of my pancakes earlier." "Hmm, I won't either, even though you wear my clothes and never return them." with: ?
â want to help me decide the characters of the next chapters? send me an ask with your suggestion! groups that can be included: seventeen, nct and enhypen.
â want to join the taglist? Let know on the comments!
â your support is surely appreciated! hope you enjoy it!
prompts by: @me-writes-prompts
Š asunflowerana 2024 â all rights reserved.
#album: the book of flowers#store: series#record: svt#seventeen#svt#seventeen x reader#svt x reader#svt fluff#kpop x reader#kpop x y/n#kpop x you
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YEJUN â 2024 MAMA AWARDS
#plave#plave kpop#nam yejun#yejun#m:gifs#p:yejun#i wonder how much data storage vlast needs#bc i just bought a new hard drive to store my concert recordings..
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#busan#south korea#dsc08545#rain#office#nightphotography#moody#matrix#low angle view#lawson#kpop#glass#finance#downtown#cyberpunk#convenient store
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if anyone wants a tyler toffoli kpop style photocard just let me know and yes he will have cat ears
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#: ĚĚâ ayatxt#bout youuuu#agata#divider by konatasoup#kpop moodboard#orange moodboard#isa moodboard#pink moodboard#kpop icons#kpop layouts#rainbow moodboard#candy moodboard#candy store#moodboard#isa icons#isa layouts#stayc#stayc icons#stayc moodboard#stayc layouts#random moodboard#dessert moodboard#isa#lee chaeyoung#stayc packs#isa packs#gg packs#candy#gg moodboard
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