#kpop boyband fanfic

[yeyejie]

Fading Footsteps

Characters: Yesung x Reader Synopsis: Cold winter winds may erase the warmth of our love, but the echo of fading footsteps will forever linger, reminding us of the beauty we once shared.

A/N: it's my first time writing a kpop x reader fanfic, so be nice haha. feel free to let me know what you think of the story too. :D

-

As the wind whispered through the streets of Seoul, a sense of melancholy filled the air, matching the weight that rested upon your heart. You sat alone at the familiar corner table of your favorite cafe, the place that held countless memories of laughter, whispered promises, and stolen kisses. But tonight, the atmosphere felt different—tinged with both nostalgia and an impending farewell.

You traced your fingers over the rim of your untouched cup, your mind drifting back to the early days when your love was vibrant and hopeful. Yesung, the one who had once ignited your soul, had become a distant presence in your life. The road you had traveled together had grown increasingly treacherous, filled with bumps and bruises that left wounds in your once unbreakable bond.

Though Yesung believed in the enduring strength of your love, you could no longer find solace in the promises you had made. The flames that once burned passionately had dwindled, leaving behind only fading embers. The realization pierced your heart, for you knew that it was time to release the grip that held you together and set each other free.

Tonight was the night you would confront Yesung, your fates intertwining one final time before parting ways. The thought of severing the ties that had bound you for years was both terrifying and liberating. With every passing moment, your determination solidified, and your resolve grew stronger like the snowflakes threatening to fall outside the window.

Yesung was away, lost in the rhythm of a neighboring city's music festival, unaware of the storm brewing within you. He had promised to join you as soon as his last performance concluded, unknowingly stepping into the final act of your tragic love story.

As the minutes ticked by, your mind wandered between the echoes of memories and the anticipation of what lay ahead. You knew that tonight would change your lives irrevocably, leaving scars that may never fully heal. But you also held onto a glimmer of hope, believing that this painful ending would pave the way for a new beginning—a chance for both of you to find happiness on separate paths.

With each passing second, the weight of the decision grew heavier, yet you steeled yourself, ready to face the inevitable. You would bid farewell to the warmth of your shared memories, embracing the cold reality of a future without Yesung by your side.

Tonight, as the snow threatened to fall upon the city of Seoul, you braced yourself for the final chapter of your love story—a chapter that would forever alter the course of your lives. And in the silence of the cafe, you whispered your goodbyes, both to the man you had loved and to the person you used to be.

As tears welled up in your eyes, a bittersweet montage of memories played like a film reel in your mind. Each scene flickered before you, capturing the happiest moments you and Yesung had shared, intertwined with the painful fragments that had chipped away at your love.

You saw yourselves dancing under the moonlight, laughing, and spinning in each other's arms. The sound of Yesung's laughter echoed in your ears, his voice like a soothing melody that once filled your world with joy. But the image quickly shifted, morphing into the arguments that had grown more frequent; the words exchanged were like daggers, piercing deep into your hearts.

There were nights when you curled up together, seeking refuge in each other's warmth and finding solace in whispered promises of forever. The tenderness of Yesung's touch lingered on your skin, igniting a fire that burned passionately. But those moments gave way to the coldness of silent resentment, when affection turned into indifference and every touch felt hollow, devoid of the love it once carried.

You recalled the adventures you embarked on, exploring new places hand in hand with hearts full of excitement and wonder. The world seemed brighter and more vibrant in each other's company. But the scenes blurred into the nights you spent apart, waiting anxiously for Yesung's return and feeling the distance between you grow wider with each passing day.

Amidst the memories of laughter and tears, whispers of "I love you" filled the air. The warmth of those words enveloped you, reminding you of the deep connection you had once shared. But those echoes were overshadowed by the harsh reality of hurtful exchanges, where the love that once bound you had become entangled in resentment and unspoken frustrations.

As the montage reached its crescendo, the weight of it all bore down on your fragile heart. The love you held for Yesung was undeniable, but love alone could no longer sustain the toxicity that had seeped into your relationship. Despite your resolve to end things, the pain was still searing, tearing through the remnants of a love that had slowly crumbled.

In the solitude of the cafe, your emotions broke free, with tears streaming down your face as the floodgates of heartbreak opened wide. It was a cathartic release, a cleansing of the wounds that ran deep, a mixture of sorrow for what was lost and relief for what might lie ahead.

The snowflakes continued to fall gracefully upon the city of Seoul, casting a serene blanket of white upon the bustling streets. Amidst the wintry beauty, you sat alone at the cafe, your gaze fixed on the picturesque scene before you. The city's ethereal charm, once captivating and enchanting, now serves as a painful reminder of the stark contrast within your heart.

An hour had passed since your arrival, and though your tears had ceased, traces of your sorrow lingered in your reddened eyes and the occasional quiver of your breath. As you watched the snow dance and settle, you couldn't help but resent its beauty, for it seemed to mock the tumultuous emotions swirling within you.

How could something so tranquil exist when your own world felt shattered?

Lost in your thoughts, you battled with conflicting emotions. Doubt crept into your mind, tempting you to reconsider your decision. The weight of what lay ahead bore down upon you, causing another wave of tears to well up. The empathetic gazes of strangers lingered upon you, their unspoken understanding a poignant reminder that pain and heartbreak were universal experiences.

Suddenly, a familiar figure emerged through the snowy haze. Yesung, still adorned in his stage outfit and remnants of stage makeup, approached with a radiant smile that seemed to illuminate the wintry night. Your heart skipped a beat at the sight, a bittersweet mix of love and sadness flooding your being. This was the moment you had been dreading—the moment when you would shatter Yesung's joy with your painful truth.

Your gaze met his, and for a fleeting moment, the weight of your shared memories, both blissful and agonizing, enveloped you. Yesung's smile faltered ever so slightly, as if sensing the heaviness in the air. You could see the confusion and concern etched on his face—an unspoken question hanging between you.

In that frozen moment, you knew you couldn't turn back. This was the right decision, however heartbreaking it may be. With a deep breath and a resolve fortified by love and self-preservation, you steeled yourself for the conversation that would forever alter your lives.

The snow continued to fall, and your meeting point was a stark juxtaposition of beauty and pain. Yesung and you stood on the precipice of an ending, your paths diverging in the bitter cold of the winter night. The weight of your unspoken farewell lingered, as if the city itself held its breath in anticipation of your next steps.

This scene encapsulated the ache in your heart and the profound contrast between your heavy emotions and Yesung's radiant facade. It served as a poignant reminder that sometimes, even in the most picturesque moments, beauty can mask profound sorrow.

As the hours passed, you made a conscious decision to bury your inner turmoil and immerse yourself in a facade of normalcy. Sitting across from Yesung in the familiar confines of the cafe, you put on a brave face, determined to cherish these last moments of blissful ignorance.

You smiled at him, your eyes filled with warmth and genuine affection. "How was your performance? I bet you were amazing as always."

Yesung's face lit up at your words, his excitement evident. "Ah, it was crazy, I tell you! The energy from the crowd was electrifying. I couldn't have asked for a better audience."

You chuckled softly, your heart aching at his genuine enthusiasm. "You always know how to captivate the crowd. You're a true artist."

He leaned back in his chair, a satisfied grin playing on his lips. "Well, I always give my all on stage. It's where I feel most alive, and I'm glad I can share that with the fans."

As you gazed into his eyes, you couldn't help but see the passion and dedication that fueled his performances. Kanghoon was not just an entertainer but a charismatic artist, with a soul that poured into every note and lyric.

He reached across the table, his fingers gently grazing yours. "And how was your day? Did anything interesting happen?"

You took a moment to compose yourself, your voice steady as you replied, "Just the usual. Work, errands, and the mundane But being here with you makes every day extraordinary."

Yesung's smile widened, his eyes shining with adoration. "You have a way of making the ordinary feel extraordinary, my love. Your presence brings so much joy to my life."

You couldn't help but be swept away by his charm and the sincerity in his words. It was moments like these that made you question your decision and doubt if you could really walk away from this love that had once been everything.

But deep down, you knew that love alone couldn't fix the cracks that had formed in your relationship. The battles, the pain, the toxic cycle you found yourselves trapped in—it was taking its toll on both of you.

For now, you chose to embrace the fleeting moments of tenderness, basking in the warmth of Yesung's company and the echoes of what once was. In this fragile bubble of normalcy, you held onto the illusion of unbroken love even as the weight of reality threatened to shatter it.

The cafe embraced your whispered conversations and laughter, oblivious to the storm of emotions raging within you. As the night wore on, you couldn't help but wonder if this fragile respite was the calm before the storm, the final chapter of a love story reaching its heartbreaking conclusion.

But for now, you held Kanghoon's hand, cherishing the moments that slipped through your fingers like sand, knowing that the hardest part was yet to come.

-

As you walked along the illuminated path by the Hangang River, the vibrant rainbow lights casting a mesmerizing glow, you felt a lump form in your throat. The time had come to confront the truth and lay bare your heart.

With a deep breath, you suddenly halted, your hand gently grabbing his arm. He turned to you, surprise etched across his face, but that quickly transformed into anticipation as you leaned in for a passionate kiss. It was a rare display of public affection, a momentary defiance against the constraints that bound you both.

The kiss lingered, filled with longing and bittersweet intensity. Yesung's heart raced, his thoughts consumed by the rush of emotions flooding through him. But just as he began to lose himself in the connection, you pulled away, your tear-stained face a stark contrast to the moment you had just shared.

He looked at you, concern and confusion mingling in his eyes. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?"

You took a shaky breath, searching for the right words amidst the torrent of emotions swirling inside you. "Kanghoon-ah, my love, do you remember that night when we first met? It feels like a lifetime ago now, doesn't it?"

Yesung's brows furrowed, and his voice filled with gentle reassurance. "Of course I remember. It was a magical night that changed our lives. I can never forget it even if I tried."

Tears streamed down your cheeks as you recalled the memories that shaped your relationship—the highs and lows that led you to this moment. "Yes, it was magical. But somewhere along the way, we lost sight of the magic, didn't we? We let it slip through our fingers, and now... now it feels like we're holding onto something that's already broken."

His expression shifted, realization dawning upon him. "Are you... Are you saying what I think you're saying?"

You nodded, your voice trembling with sorrow. "I've tried, Kanghoon-ah. I've tried to salvage what we had, to ignore the pain, and to fight for us. But I can't anymore. We've become tangled in a web of hurt and misunderstandings. I don't want our love to be a battlefield, where every step we take is filled with landmines waiting to explode."

He reached out, his fingers brushing against your cheek, desperate to hold onto what was slipping away. "Please, my love. Don't give up on us. We can work through this. I'll change; I'll do whatever it takes to make things right."

Your voice quivered as you struggled to find the strength to let go. "Oh, Kanghoon, it's not about changing who we are. It's about accepting that sometimes love isn't enough. We've tried, and it hurts me more than words can express to say this, but it's time for us to find our own paths, to heal and grow separately."

His eyes pleaded with you, filled with a mix of desperation and determination. "But I love you more than anything. Can't we find a way back to each other?"

You hugged yourself, your body shaking with silent sobs. "Love is a powerful force, Kanghoon-ah, but it's not always enough. Sometimes, we need more than love. We need understanding, trust, and the ability to make each other truly happy. And right now, I can't honestly say that we have all those things."

Yesung's voice cracked as he reached out, his fingers intertwined with yours. "Please, don't leave me. I can't bear the thought of losing you."

Through your tears, you whispered, "I never wanted to hurt you, Kanghoon-ah. But I can't keep hurting myself either. We need to let each other go, so we can find happiness in our own separate ways."

As the silence stretched between them, the weight of their unspoken emotions hung heavy in the air. Yesung's mind raced with conflicting thoughts and emotions, unsure of how to respond to your impending farewell. He couldn't bear the thought of losing you, yet he knew deep down that your happiness mattered above all else.

Finally, breaking the silence, your voice trembled as you found the courage to speak. "Thank you, Kanghoon-ah, for everything. I'll always cherish the moments we shared together, from the simplest gestures to the grandest adventures. You gave me a glimpse of a world I never thought I'd be a part of. For that, I'm eternally grateful."

Tears streamed down your face as you continued, your voice laced with both sorrow and determination. "I'll miss you more than words can express. There may come a time when I'll regret this decision, and my heart might ache for what we've lost. But right now, I truly believe that this is the best choice for both of us. We deserve to find happiness, even if it means walking separate paths."

Yesung's eyes mirrored your pain as he desperately searched for a way to change your mind. "Please, give us another chance. I can fix our relationship; I know we can. We've been through so much together, and I still believe in us," he pleaded, his voice filled with a mixture of hope and desperation.

But your decision was final, and you shook your head, your voice firm yet filled with sadness. "I appreciate your love and willingness to try, Yesung, but we've reached a point where it's best for both of us to move on. You deserve to find happiness, even if it's not with me. Open your heart to new possibilities and allow yourself to be happy."

Tears welled up in Yesung's eyes as he realized the depth of your resolve. "I... I understand," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I'll respect your decision. But please know that you'll always hold a special place in my heart. The memories we created together will forever be cherished."

The bittersweetness of your conversation hung in the frosty air, a testament to the depth of your connection and the difficulty of your parting. You stood there, facing the uncertainty of the future, knowing that your lives would forever be intertwined, even as you walked separate paths.

With a heavy heart, Yesung made a request. "Walk away first, please. Give me some time before I turn around. I want to remember you as you are, before you fade away."

And so, you obliged, taking slow steps backward until you were out of his sight. As Yesung turned around, tears continued to flow down his face, his heart shattering with each passing moment. He gazed in the direction you had gone, knowing that this marked the definitive end of your relationship.

In a broken voice, Yesung cursed under his breath, the words lacking the sting they once held. "Damn you for hurting me like this," he whispered. Deep down, he knew that his love for you would never waver, even in the face of heartbreak.

[xdhsquad]

🐰🐱 2jun - junhan & jungsu inkgayo stage icons (120×120) by @maluyoongi

[saturnnelahy]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑹𝒐𝒔𝒆 𝒃𝒐𝒚𝒔 𝒕𝒆𝒙𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒚 𝒐𝒏 𝒕𝒐𝒖𝒓

𝘴𝘺𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘴𝘪𝘴: 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘺𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘧𝘳𝘰𝘮 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘙𝘰𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘳𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘴𝘦𝘴 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘰𝘵4 𝘹 𝘺𝘰𝘶

(Masterlist here)

[secriden]

an introduction to daouoffroad: a record (mostly for me)

so, the lovely @luthienmpl was very kind and gave me a daouoffroad starter pack so i'm gonna learn about them!

i adore finding out about something this way because it's like someone shared their love of The Thing with me! how lovely! how lucky to catch a glimpse of how much joy The Thing gives someone else!!

this is literally just random stream of consciousness thoughts as i watch the videos so i'll spare anyone who isn't interested and put it under a cut.

oh my god they met as contestants on a survival boyband show wtf!? what kind of fanfic kdrama au start is this already!?

ok damn but daou's runs tho :O <3

nooooooo offroad is crying and thanking daou for his support how dARE YOU TOY WITH MY HEART LIKE THIS!? ;A;

ohmygosh is that the actress who plays P'Joy in LITA??? <3

fuck, the pressing the face into the tummy of the one standing thing. why is that so cute. ugh D:<

waitwaitWAIT is that a thing? do directors just... write stories/shows for couples who have good chemistry whatttt?? is this like a thai ent industry staple? (oh i guess mame kind of did that with fortpeat/mutrak) that's so funny omg. xDDD

laz1 is so kpop styled :O and i must add Last Kiss to my playlist imMEDIATELY its such a pretty song?? <3333

thiS BRIDGE i AM FEELING IT!?!?! DAOU WHAT IS THAT RIFF!?!??! HOLY SHIT THAT WAS SUCH A SMOOTH TRANSITION UP TO THE HIGH NOTE!? *O* <3

(was daou already an established singer before or something?? boy has pIPES!)

*faintly* d-did he try to... bite... the cat's... paw??

/SCREAMS nO THE HARMONIES yeah ok i'm a fan weLP THA TWAS QUICK

(i'm such a sucker for vocal line groups ugh dammit TwT)

wait, enlistment?? huh i did not know thailand also did that... is it the same as skorea?

oh-- oh my god he sent flowers? through his sister?? *whispers* that's so sweet ;u;

goodness, offroad literally running and jumping into daou's arms while daou is still in military fatigues-- guys this is either zero attempt at being subtle or the best cp marketing i've seen in my life wow

awww did offroad bring his graduation gown to the event just so he could get pics with daou?? that's so cute! ;A;

okAY SIR?? SIR NO the sleeping right pressed up to offroad as he pretends to snore but like daou is just paSSED OUT HALF ON TOP OF HIm NO SIR NO I CANNOT HANDLE THIS NOPE BYE

(the cut right as daou reaches up to shut offroad up had me cracking up tho, they've got a wicked sense of humour i really like them)

ahahahah the members playing along is really cute!! poor daou has to be relegated to the "jealous bf" -- this is SO interesting to watch coming out of old kpop fandom and kpop skinship to this xD like... i am enLIGHTEND *O*

*cries* what is this... poolside actual love confession proposal with rings and pLANNING to commemorate their.. working.. relationship!?!? i'm??? they are so LOUD wtf-- i'm not... used to this... !?! *incoherent noises*

sidebar: i'm struggling to get a handle on their honorifics... are they phi/nong? but sometimes dauo sounds like he's using mueng/guu when he addresses offroad directly?

ljsdfjsLfj THE FACE. IN THE TUMMY. ITS BACK <3

OH FUCK OFFROAD WITH THE ASH HAIR. *O* YEAH YEAH OKOKOK i'M NORMAL ABOUT THIS!!!!

oh oh NO did daou just push offroad to the inside of the road so he's on the outside like that's--t hat's so boyfriend coded wtf

bahahaHAHAH is offroad going on about the bracelet because now daou *has* to buy one for him? xD what a smart cookie. xDDD

wAIT DID IT WORK!? PAHAHA--

other thoughts:

pentor looks SO FAMILIAR and i can't figure out why??? ;A; is he in something else?? i'm so confused but i think i love him already WHAT AN ADORABLE DIMPLED BOI *O*

i know you included the Whats The Matter? MV but I'm sorry I'm going to live in Last Kiss for like the next 5 days especially thAT BRIDGE WTF <3

the acoustic/live version is so PRETTY omg ;A; that 3 part harmony in the first chorus *chefs kiss*

sOMEONE is doing like a really high harmony in the pre-chorus and its so thin and wispy and pRETTY ahhh <3

although also ngl i think daou needs maybe some more vocal training he sounds quite strained sometimes... and he's got a lot of tension in his throat but good GOD his range!! he's SO talented wtf; ALSO their youngest member has SUCH a nice tone UGH <33333

their 2 shows:

ok love in translation actually sounds like exactly my cup of tea hahahah it looks so cute <3 and potentially heartbreaking but like not TOO heartbreaking

century of love... yeah ok i'm gonna put that on my list of things to get to when i'm in the right headspace for that kind of angst but what an interesting concept!! its like comphet, the series. xD

wait both their shows are comphet the series? xDDDD they just swapped who was suffering from it.

hoboy they are SO LOUD already from the beginning wtf

(sidenote but I would KILL for fortpeat to go on something like this cAN YOU IMAGINE the sHINANIGANS!! peat being so happy at all the food. fort's teasing. ugh. where can i start a petition ya'll)

the heIGHT DIFFERENCE am i'm feeling some type of way about it, yes yes i am

bAHAHAH the mandatory piggyback ride that they actually just SAY is boyfriend material i'm-- i'm not use do this lack of wink wink nudge nudge skinship approach in my boyband duos like?? *confused noises pt 2*

oh oh my gosh they have auntie fans too??? how adorableeeee!!!?! damn offroad sounds so soft in southern dialect idk whats going on my ears are blessed *u* <3

I don't know why but daou's "Try traditional snack!" made me crack up xDDDD

i have just realised what a mistake it was to start this on an empty stomach T___T that all looks SO GOOD wtf

lol that poor lady with the corgi's just wanted to go on her way and she got way-landed by these insane boys xDD

wft the nUZZING INTO THE NECK THING. IT S STILL. SO MUCH. IHAVE FEELIGNS ABOUT THIS MOMENT Tu T <3

guYS-- GUYS you said you both paid half... so you don't... you don't still need to do the cheek kisse-- oh nevermind you did them already ok then

i mean ok but for real tho the amount of times offroad just cracks up at somethign random daou does is genuinely really sweet?? like they seem to really have this wavelength that is just their own *u*

[storkmuffin]

Ok onto Minsung, I definitely hadn't thought about their interactions in that way before. In general I try to not attach conclusions to how idols act in front of an audience. I'm just a regular person and I've had people speculate on whether I was dating friends of mine, I can't imagine what it's like to have my career riding on my ability to act a certain way for a camera. And not only in your love life, the fact that idols have to basically be on for 90% of the time is pretty upsetting.

The fact that kpop was leaning so extremely heavily into soliciting mlm fanfic as opposed to fans just making stuff up (bc fans of all sorts of tv shows and movies where people are CANON STRAIGHT and nothing but still make mlm fanfic) is what made me start studying the side content kpop boybands were putting out. I'm not sure that I feel quite the pity or empathy that maybe you do for the people who go into kpop or other entertainment fields.

To use an analogy - there should be body diversity in classical ballet, so that fat women or short legged women or very muscular women should still be able to dance Odile/Odette in Swan Lake if they are able to do the steps and give good performances, right? Yeah. But is that how it actually is anywhere at all in the ballet world? No.

By the same token, should Idols, who use their beauty, sex appeal, personal charm as well as their singing and dancing ability to sell music and concert tickets and merchandize be able to have a private lives that are entirely private and not be subjected to speculation about their sex lives and sexuality? Sure. But is that how it really is for any pop star or has ever been? No. Not since, I dunno, Elvis. Would these popular musicians be as successful as they are if they were unable to inspire this fantasy in their audience? Also No.

A lot of Korean women stans, by the way, who from what I've seen are being subjected to pretty offensive and racist condescension by white people abroad (like it's not white people who really invented stan culture, hello?), mostly take the stance of, Have your private life, but since you're selling me a fantasy, don't be obvious and don't be caught. That's the general discourse I have seen in my few months in kpop fandom, on Korean forums.

[firsttraintovictoriaville]

you mentioning the 1D to hockey pipeline made me spit out my water, as a hockey fan LDMFGJKDSFL

wioeiudygsuia honestly i was exposing myself as a kpop stan too (although i like to defend myself and say that as i get older i'm becoming more of a kdrama stan. just as long as people ignore the two different emotional support going seventeen episodes i have in my other tabs rn) but it was geniunely so weird. As a Directioner by month two of the "hiatus" people had already gone from One Dream, One Band, One Direction to Leafs Forever. I vaguely recollect two big blogs before the band even broke up were into hockey lightly so I think that was the powder keg. I had already been into kpop by the time One Direction was formed on the xfactor so I juggled the two of them but for most people One Direction was the last great Western boyband and with 5sos on hiatus at the time (and a debate on whether or not they counted as a boyband), the only option to get your boyband fix for us fans of the genre was in kpop.

anyway tldr: if this fandom keeps being dead for a month more, I look forward to seeing everyone's urls and going on their blog to read fanfics about ATEEZ and see their fanarts of the Canucks.

[beaker1636]

My husband is convinced I need to do an introduction of myself post because I have never actually done one (I swear to god this man lives to roast me about everything). It’s probably going to seem awkward but whatever.

So here it is I guess 🤷‍♀️

My name is Bree and I’m 27 years old 🤣. My pronouns are she/her.

I initially started this blog to read fanfics years ago but finally got confident enough to post my own after writing them for years myself!

In college I was going for secondary English education and creative writing, not sure how I went from wanting to teach middle school English to now teaching 2 year olds is beyond me but I love it!

I have one short story that was published when I was in college, our college every year did a book where you could submit poetry, short stories, photos of artwork etc. and mine was accepted. Not impressive but was my first published work.

Ummm my favorite music is pretty random 🤣 My favorite band is Motionless In White but my favorite musician is Tom Keifer. I met Tom 4 times now, my tattoo of his lyrics is written in his own handwriting and he did my pregnancy announcement for me to my side of the family (if y’all want the story ask and I’ll share). But anyways I legit listen to 90s boybands, love 80s hair metal, metal core, and Kpop so a bit of everything.

Umm my favorite thing to write is fluffy stuff but I’m growing more and more into writing smut.

I legit feel like this is so awkward so I’m done, adios!

[kamreadsandrecs]

Title: Y/N

Author: Esther Yi

Genre/s: literary fiction

Content/Trigger Warning/s: implied mental health issues, occasional off-putting descriptions

Summary (from publisher's website): It’s as if her life only began once Moon appeared in it. The desultory copywriting work, the boyfriend, and the want of anything not-Moon quickly fall away when she beholds the idol in concert, where Moon dances as if his movements are creating their own gravitational field; on live streams, as fans from around the world comment in dozens of languages; even on skincare products endorsed by the wildly popular Korean boyband, of which Moon is the youngest, most luminous member. Seized by ineffable desire, our unnamed narrator begins writing Y/N fanfic—in which you, the reader, insert [Your/Name] and play out an intimate relationship with the unattainable star.

Then Moon suddenly retires, vanishing from the public eye. As Y/N flies from Berlin to Seoul to be with Moon, our narrator, too, journeys to Korea in search of the object of her love. An escalating series of mistranslations and misidentifications lands her at the headquarters of the Kafkaesque entertainment company that manages the boyband until, at a secret location, together with Moon at last, art and real life approach their final convergence.

Buy Here: https://bookshop.org/p/books/y-n-esther-yi/18534455

Spoiler-Free Review: So I sat on this book for a long, LONG time, because I've had a hard time navigating through and around my feelings and my own understanding of what I just read. This might not be a very long book, but BOY DOES IT PACK A PUNCH.

It's also interesting to read this book as someone who is a fan and has had almost similar desperate crushes on people who didn't know I existed. I'm not into the Kpop scene so I can't really speak to what the culture's like in that fandom, but reading how the narrator falls for Kpop boyband member Moon and then begins to structure their entire life around him is vaguely familiar, but also strange. It's kind of like a train crash: I've never been in one, and I hope to never BE in one, but I can easily imagine what it'd be like to be in one and I don't want that experience at ALL thank you very much.

Speaking of train crashes: reading the protagonist go through this crush is also kind of like a train crash in that you know it's bad, but you can't look away. I found myself wanting to know what she'd do with her life now that Moon was in it, how her relationships with other people would change - which they did, because that's kind of what happens when you get into a fandom.

But as the novel progresses, it becomes clear that the protagonist's fannish engagement with Moon as a fan isn't quite-- I hesitate to call it "normal", but I also don't want to call it "abnormal", either, because she exhibits behaviors that a lot of fans exhibit, and usually it isn't very harmful, just maybe weird to people outside of fandom. But then she goes overboard, as some fans do, and things take a turn for the very strange.

See, what the protagonist does is she builds up this idea of Moon in her head, making him her own - and I mean that quite literally, since after a certain point in the novel she's convinced that the Moon in her head is hers, and moreover that he's the REAL Moon, as if the Moon the other fans adored was some kind of fake. She has, in essence, a headcanon version of him that she is convinced is who Moon really is, and that he's hers, somehow. This belief spills over into the fanfic she writes about him: a "Your-Name" or "Y/N" fanfic, which is where the book gets its title. It's basically a variation on the self-insert fic, where the reader inserts their name at specific points in the fic signified by the placeholder "Y/N". The more the protagonist writes the fic, the more she becomes convinced that the fic she's writing IS real, in a kind of parallel-dimension, alternate-reality way, and that it's sort of a signifier of her connection to Moon, which just deepens her belief that her headcanon of Moon IS the real Moon.

But what about Moon the Person? Are they less real than the protagonist's headcanon of them? Yes, but also no, because at this point the protagonist's Headcanon!Moon is a distinctly different entity from Person!Moon - but does the protagonist's feelings for Headcanon!Moon make him more "real" to her than Person!Moon? Are those feelings less valid because they're for an imaginary entity? Please note that these ideas don't occur to the protagonist (not right away at least), but they DID occur to me as the reader.

And from there, I began to extend the question: can emotions for a fictional character be considered "real", given that their target is fictional? Would such emotions be more "real" if they were aimed at a real person? What if that person doesn't know who I am? Are those feelings less valid if they won't be reciprocated? Is it truly terrible if I KNOW the feelings won't or can't be reciprocated, but I continue to have and cherish them anyway? These are all very interesting questions, and I think they're questions fans grapple with regularly - and if they don't maybe they should, if for no other reason than that they're interesting and can potentially reveal a lot about oneself and one's emotions.

Another thing that's interesting about this protagonist is how she tries to intellectualize her crush on Moon. She considers herself a high-thinking member of the culturati: the style in which the novel is written reflects this, as does the protagonist's initial disdain towards pop culture. She even claims that she keeps herself deliberately "pure" of all pop culture influence because of how it might affect her interior world and her thinking.

And yet, when she finally encounters Moon, she has to reconcile all her previously-held beliefs with the fact that she has an intense infatuation with a pop star. So: she tries to "elevate" her feelings, tries to frame her infatuation in such a way as to make it seem like it's more important somehow, more valuable, and not something so "low" as a crush on a celebrity - which is something everyone else around her tells her it is.

This aspect of the novel is something I find interesting, because it points out to a flaw in separating "high" versus "low" culture. Proponents of the former are still fans: they have arguments, form cliques, and exhibit support and enthusiasm in the same way as fans of "low" culture do. The only difference is that fans of the former like to think they're better than fans of the latter, that their fandoms are more "valid" or "important" than pop culture fandoms. This novel reveals that stance to be a lie via the protagonist herself, who elevates her "low" culture fandom into "high" culture by virtue of how she talks about it.

There's a lot more going on in this novel than I mentioned above: how consumption has replaced religion; the weird and discomfiting nature of parasocial relationships; and the strangely veiled nature of the K-pop industry, to name a few. I won't say that this is best read by someone who is involved in fandom or has experience with fandom, but I think fans will find themselves both intrigued and discomfited by this book.

Rating: five Kpop band members

[lesbianwithchainsaws]

Hi, OP here! I'd be down to talk about the boyband rpf one! (Also the reason I specified boyband rpf was because it's a hyperspecific poll and that's what I wrote at the time. Also from what I've seen, that was a really popular type of rpf at the time). I'll put my experience under read more, but if there's anything specific you'd like to know, I'd be down to answer

So the rpf I wrote was specifically kpop fanfiction, which I am counting as a boyband because they had the same type of appeal to me as others did with like one direction and 5sos. I wrote about a few kpop boy groups, but mostly it was bts (and got7 from time to time). I started getting into kpop and writing fics in about 2014. Kpop wasn't my first fandom in general, but it was sort of an introduction to fanfiction. I knew of it, but didn't start properly reading it until I became a part of the fandom.

Imagines and y/n fanfiction was the type of fanfic I'd see the most at the time, and I started writing it myself pretty quickly. I think there were a few reasons why it appealed to me:

1. was simply bc it was popular in the fandom spaces I was in and was what others were into

2. I already liked writing and fanfiction was like a way to write and share what I've written without needing to be published or anything

3. y/n fics specifically appealed to me probably because, at the time, I was super unhappy and lacked confidence. In school I was a very lonely kid with no real close friends (I had people I spoke to at school, but no friends close enough to hang out with after school or really talk much outside of it). Inserting myself in a fic was kind of like a way to feel like I wasn't all that lonely. Also I could write myself (or y/n specifically) as anyone. She could be really cool and rich. She could be shy. She could be everything I wanted to be, and that included the friends and situations I wanted but couldn't have irl. Theoretically I could've written the same type of stuff with fictional characters instead, but the shows and books I was into already had ships, rpf wasn't as popular, and mainly I wasn't as into those shows and books as I was into kpop at the time.

4. I think another reason it appealed to me was because, though I had already known I wasn't as straight as I thought I was, I was in denial. Being in denial + lonely, sad teen means I desperately wanted to be "normal", which also meant being into men and having/wanting to have a boyfriend. The guys in those groups were already conventionally attractive (especially keeping in mind that there were makeup and stylists for them before performances and reality shows), there were also multiple other teen girls who had deemed them attractive, so this was like a way to prove that I, too, like men. And I think them being literal celebrities and being older than I am helped because obviously I'd never actually get any chance to date them.

I eventually stopped writing rpf and am not as into kpop anymore. I still write fanfiction, and I'll fully admit I still sometimes write self-insert stuff, but I never post the self-insert stuff. I only write it about fictional worlds and characters, and I mainly am just interested in writing being friends with the characters and getting to experience the world they're in. I write self-insert quite rarely, but the appeal of it is the same as before: I'm lonely and struggling, and it's a way to fantasise about things being different.

I did eventually accept that I'm a lesbian (hence my username) and don't feel the need to be "normal" anymore. I still want to fit in, but don't want to change who I am for it.

Not sure what else to say. I hope that made sense, but I'm sorry if it didn't

Hopping on the trend with things that apply to me

[levi-supreme]

Hi Rei 😊 I'm curious about L and P 👀

Hello Charlotte my precious bby!! <33 thank you for entertaining me!

L: What’s the weirdest AU you’ve ever come up with?

Hmm!! I feel like I tend to always stick to modern!au when I write, so there isn't really anything 'weird'.... but I do have this idea in my head where Levi and reader are in a kpop idol au and there are two scenarios: a) where Levi is a soloist and reader is a member of a kpop girl group, and b) Levi is a member of a kpop boyband and reader is one of the boyband's backup dancers XD

I feel like this is going to need A LOT of world building and brain cells lol, so I haven't been planning anything for this. Then again, I've listened to kpop for a good 15 years or so, so I know that industry like the back of my hand anyway haha.

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

Hmm!! To be honest, I feel like I'm a mix of both? When I write my fics, I always have an idea of the plot and everything, and how I want the story to end.

But!! With chaptered fics like Levi's Valentine, it's a little different. I know what I wanted to do with that story, and I already know how I wanted it to end. But, I didn't really plan on the development of the story, and I wrote the remaining chapters as the story progressed, and I wrote and planned according to how the story was developing!!

I feel like with fanfiction writing, I am more of an architect and I need to have a plan, structure, and everything. But irl, I'm very much a gardener lol. I hate planning, and I hate following and sticking to schedules and timelines HAHA.

Fanfic ask meme!

[xdhsquad]

🐥 kwak gaon pink hair icons (120×120) by @maluyoongi donwload drive 📂

[saturnnelahy]

I'm in love

Oh my God, I think I'm starting to get obsessed with TXT and The Rose ='( Yeonjun and Kai are so beautiful and perfect and wonderful… and Woo-sung and Dojoon from The Rose are so cute and beautiful...

I'm thinking of maybe starting to write something about them too

[topconfessions]

[ask] sorry I dont get the last confession but I'm also quite ttipsy. Idol name? Bts is releasing a single called butter and i agree with anon will be bad lmaooo

Why is BTS even naming a song butter in the first place WTF? This is Nick Jonas Bacon allover again (but the song slaps and I'm going to listen to right now#)

[ma-du]

Old enough to remember the lemons AND the oranges and the slow burn 200k+ 2010's HarryxLouis One Direction ABO fic lmao

Not my proudest moment in life lol but ANYWAYS

we’re going to have to call smut ‘lemons’ again, aren’t we? 

[portersqbooks]

Piera just finished reading the e-ARC of Y/N by Esther Yi, which is a deeply weird literary novel about a disillusioned woman who finds herself, despite herself, in the inescapable throes of Overwhelming Kpop Boy Obsession. The official description begins so:

It’s as if her life only began once Moon appeared in it. The desultory copywriting work, the boyfriend, and the want of anything not-Moon quickly fall away when she beholds the idol in concert, where Moon dances as if his movements are creating their own gravitational field; on live streams, as fans from around the world comment in dozens of languages; even on skincare products endorsed by the wildly popular Korean boyband, of which Moon is the youngest, most luminous member. Seized by ineffable desire, our unnamed narrator begins writing Y/N fanfic—in which you, the reader, insert [Your/Name] and play out an intimate relationship with the unattainable star.

I liked the book a lot - it’s great for a really particular cross section of people who are close enough to kpop stan culture to understand what’s going on, but far enough away that their feelings aren’t hurt by the depiction. Interestingly, I think kpop stan culture and academia are treated with about the same amount of empathy-vs-annoyance here.

Y/N comes out on March 31. Preorder here!

[marquez-junky8920]

Idk am i kpop fan or no but im into some of their boybands like NCT and I do watched Korean dramas☝🏻

Awwww NCT is fucking amazing! I saw them in concert in 2019 right before I graduated and it was so incredible. Those fancams don't do their choreography justice. At all.

I'm not crazy for some of the super popular artists, but I love the sounds and the stories behind some of the newer ones. (Unpopular opinion, but I'm not a huge fan of BTS anymore. Although I will give them full credit because they got me into kpop in the first place)

Also, I've started up another page for writing fanfics in this category. If you want to give it a follow, pm me and I'll give you the @! ❤️❤️