#kookmin fluff | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

justmorebtsffs · 1 year ago

Text

Love Yourself | Jikook

This is the first time I'm writing for Jikook. Wish me luck.

Summary: When comments from antis send Jimin's mental and physical health into a downwards spiral Jungkook is there to catch him. Angst then fluff with a happy ending.

Sickie: Park Jimin (Snow Leopard hybrid, not really that big a part of the story, hardly mentioned actually but I couldn’t think of another reason why anyone would make fun of Jimin, he’s just so pretty.)

Caretaker: Jungkook

WARNING: This is a whole 19 albeit short chapter fic so it is very long

JIMIN’S P.O.V

It’s our day off and we’ve gathered around the table to watch a fan cover of The Truth Untold that Tae said was really good.

The fan is a female k-army, under the username ARMY-BLINK💜. Her voice is beautiful and I agree that we should definitely like the video and leave a nice anonymous comment. Tae scrolls down to the comments to type out our compliments when I see it:

@anti1357 - wow ARMY-BLINK💜, this cover is so good, especially Jimin’s part you sing some much better, you should take his place

I look away, and focus on listening to the cover again, ignoring it.

—

Jin hyung makes a delicious dinner as usual and we all eat together, but I can’t stop thinking about that comment. Of course I know about antis but I can’t believe someone would write something so rude, I mean they don’t even know if we’re going to see it.

When it’s time to go to bed Kook and I head off to our room.

“You’ve been quiet, Minnie. Something on your mind?” Kook asks, hugging me from behind as I brush my teeth.

I finally answer “No, just tired.”

He seems to accept this and heads to bed, I join him soon after.

—

I can’t sleep, do people really think I’m that bad? I have to know.

Releasing myself from Kook’s grip (not an easy feat) I open my phone and find the video, scrolling straight to the comments section. The comment is still there but now it has a reply . . . several in fact.

@anti1357 - wow ARMY-BLINK💜, this cover is so good, especially Jimin’s part you sing some much better, you should take his place

> @hybrid-hater - totally! This song is actually great without that ugly hybrid.

> > @btsucks - yeah and people say he’s the visuals, ugh! 🤮

> > > @Jimin-has-no-jams - ikr freak! 🐈🤡

I look at more comments, these ones from my latest selca titled: Sunny day with Jungkookie.

It’s a full body mirror photo of us with the sunny skyline visible from the balcony behind us. I was so happy when we took this but now the smile on my face feels foreign.

There are comments here too, many good but a lot negative. One from a supposedly army user catches my eye.

@Taekook4life - literally ewww! Beautiful Jeon Jungkook . . . with him, but like Jimin is soo ugly tho. And you can see the fat on him. Jungkook needs to just get with Kim Taehyung instead.

> @Jimin’s-jams - first of all that’s so rude, that’s muscle, from dancing, and I bet he can dance so much better than any of us can! so pls be quiet.

> > @OT6 - if they’re muscles from dancing then why’s he so terrible at dancing then, honestly he’s a joke, I bet Bang Pd just felt bad for him.

> > > @Solo-stan - he must have because Jimin can’t even sing that well, he is literally so whiny.

And there are more on each of our music videos, mainly about how freakish my ears and tail are, how I should hide them, how a hybrid like me belongs on a circus stage not a concert stage.

Jungkookie always says my ears and tail are cute, he wouldn’t lie to make me feel better would he? I look over at Jungkook then stand up to look in our mirror. They’re right, I am fat, how did I not notice before. What else have I missed, I put in my AirPods and click on a BTS Run dance practice episode.

It gets to a part where I start singing my lines, I wince. It does sound awful and whiny, and as I watch the dance I can’t help but notice that everyone else is so much better than me, my ears and tail swish awkwardly. At one point my unwieldy tail smacks Hobi-hyung. He laughs it off but can I see a hint of disgust in his face? Then I watch myself do aegyo to the camera, I don’t look cute at all, I look like a fool then Tae joins in with his signature boxy smile. He looks so cute and yet still supernaturally beautiful at the same time.

Jealousy courses through me, I’m an awful person for being jealous of him but how can I not be when someone as perfect as Kim Taehyung is who Jungkook deserves, not me.

I click over to our channel looking at the comments sections. Each video is only more of the same, dozens and dozens of them. I see some of the same names but mostly they're all different. Do this many people actually hate our music just because of me? How many more fans would the other members have if I wasn’t in the group? A lot. It’s my fault, I’m dragging them down, but I can’t leave the group, I’m far too selfish for that, and I hate it.

As I watch more Run Episodes I notice small things and realise something big: the other members don’t actually like me, Hoseok-Hyung is always correcting me in dance, I’m always picked last or second to last for a team and Jin always serves me last. And Jungkook, well I knew he was too good to be true.

(A/N poor baby is reading all the social cues wrong)

I know what I’ll do . . . I’ll make myself worthy.

My eyes are wet with tears as I open my notes app and start a list.

Lose weight (at least 2 kg so small portions only)

Improve singing & dancing (practise longer)

No aegyo (don’t embarrass Jungkook)

I set an alarm for 5:00 AM. I’ll start early with dance practice tomorrow.

—

My alarm vibrates at 5:00 AM. I’m exhausted from staying up so late last night but I can afford to delay my plan.

I change taking care to hide my cumbersome tail and pressing down my ears, it kind of hurts but it’s bearable. Then I get a taxi cab to the studio. It’s cold and I realise I forgot my coat. Oh well, dancing will warm me up.

—

About 90 minutes later my phone dings, I don’t need distractions but I catch a glimpse of the caller ID Kookie

I pick it up too hopefully. I shouldn’t bae hopeful, he’s probably just mad at me for leaving him. I’m such a horrible boyfriend, I make myself sick.

“Minnie! Where are you? I woke up and you were gone! No note or text or anything! Your coat’s still here, it's freezing out, you'll catch a cold.”

I listen carefully, the concern in his voice doesn’t sound superficial but I can’t be sure.

“I-I was just at the studio.”

“The studio, since when?”

“I got up at 5:00AM, don’t worry about me please. I just wanted to get a headstart on the routine.”

“Minnie, of course I’m going to worry . . . we were all worried.” Jungkook says, “Have you eaten? Please come back for breakfast, I’ll come pick you up myself. I miss you.”

Breakfast sounds wonderful right now but I remember the first item on my list. “It’s okay I’ve already eaten, I packed a snack. You don’t need to bother yourself this early, we'll just be coming right back.”

“Oh.” is all Jungkook says. My brain says he sounds disappointed but why would he be disappointed to not see me. Yet at the same time I feel like a terrible boyfriend for not spending time with him. Dancing more will surely make me feel better. Jungkook will be glad once I start losing some of this extra weight.

“Um well I’ll see you soon.” I say and hang up guiltily.

(A/N: Where HaVe you been?! Car gone, no note! You could’ve DiEd, you could’ve been SeEn!)

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

By the time we arrive at the studio I’m practically bouncing out of my seat with excitement to see Jiminnie. It was a nasty shock not waking up to his warm body next to me with his fuzzy tail curled around me.

I called him as soon as I found my phone and his coat which he left. On the phone he sounded weird, I don't know but definitely off, I hope he isn’t getting sick from being out in this early cold snap without a coat. He said he wanted to practise more but I don’t see why he needs to (especially at 5:00AM) when he’s already progressing fine with the moves.

When I open the door to the studio he's in the middle of the routine, we watch as he finishes it, flawlessly. He shakes his head, clearly dissatisfied and is about to start again when Namjoon-hyung clears his throat.

Minnie jumps about a metre into the air in fright. I run over and hug him, he looks pale and he has dark circles under his eyes. He’s sweaty like he’s been dancing for hours already.

What sparked all this. None of us have time to ask because the dance instructor comes in and instructs us to begin warm ups, even Jimin who is obviously very warmed up puts his all into the stretches.

I notice something though, his eyes don’t look alive like usual, they look desperate. But that’s just my imagination being overprotective. He’s fine, we all get like this sometimes.

-----

If Minnie looked worn out before practice he looks awful now. Well maybe I’m exaggerating because I’m so worried, but I mean has no one else noticed?

I walk over to Tae watching as Jimin talks to Hoseok with an almost sad expression.

“Hey Tae!” He’s on his phone

“Wha- Oh Kook! You look worried, what’s wrong?”

I step back a bit shocked, he read me so easily, maybe he can read Minnie too.

“Well, yes. Have you noticed something off about Jiminie or is it just me?”

He looks at Jimin for a moment then back to me. “He does seem tired but that is probably just from being up so early and dancing so long. I’m sure he’ll perk right up as soon as you cuddle him.”

“Yeah.” I shrug. “I guess I’m just being overprotective.

He shakes his head. “You both did very well today.”

“Thanks.” I say

JIMIN’S P.O.V

After we’re all changed from dancing it’s time for vocal practice.

I sing as well as I can, it’s still not nearly as good as the others (especially Tae) but the satisfaction I get from actually making an effort is amazing, my whole body buzzes with it.

Soon everyone’s getting up, why it’s only been . . . 2 hours. Two hours, already! I guess time flies when you’re working hard. My stomach grumbles. I look around embarrassed but nobody seems to have heard, no one is paying attention to me. I guess that’s what happens when I just put my head down and work like I’m supposed to.

I am about to get up when I remember my pact with myself. I skipped breakfast but dinner would be impossible to skip completely without the other noticing or offending Jin-hyung so I must skip lunch. I sit back down.

Jungkook lingers by the door.

“I’ll be there in a second. I just want to get this one part.” I lie.

“Come on Jungkook-ah! They're serving udon in the cafeteria today, if we go we can get in line first.” Taehyung says

Jungkook nods excitedly and hurries out the door behind him. “Bye Jiminnie!” Not sparing a glance behind him.

My face feels hot and tears well up in my eyes. I fight them down. Why should I be crying, this is what’s supposed to happen right? Jungkook deserves someone like Tae.

I push the feelings down, I’m wasting my time here doing nothing, being useless. I hit the play button for the track and get to practising. After what seems like no time at all the track stops. What? I have it on a loop.

“Park Jimin!” It’s Jin-hyung, with Namjoon-hyung right behind him. “What are you doing?”

His intensity scares me, I fight down tears again wondering why I have too, I’m not usually this weak. “I was practising hyung.” I tell him.

“Practising! Through lunch break!” Oh no I can tell he’s about to start rapping . . .

“But you need to eat, you’ve been dancing since 5:00 AM and you probably didn’t even have a proper breakfast. How disrespectful to yourself and to me not to have the food I make every morning. You won’t be healthy if you don’t eat, you'll die! Do you want to die?”

I look down “No, hyung I just was-”

The technician comes in. “Alright, I hope you had a yummy lunch, it’s time to do the test recording. We can try the beats Namjoon-ssi was talking about earlier.

Earlier, I wonder? I was so focused on my part I didn’t hear that.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V.

“Lunch time, yess!” Hoseok-hyung says.

I smile. It has been a long morning, from worrying about Minnie to a satisfying recording session. We all get out of our seats to head for lunch, almost all of us.

I wait by the door for Jimin, he’s still looking over his part. I wait for him to get up and I start to call his name when he notices me.

“I’ll be there in a second. I just want to get this one part.” He smiles, does it not look as bright as usual?

I want to believe him, I really do but . . .

Tae taps my shoulder, “Come on Jungkook-ah! They're serving udon in the cafeteria today, if we go we can get in line first.”

I turn, if he needs to be alone then I’ll let him. He said he won’t be long and I am excited for udon, I’ll get Jiminnie his favourite so we can share. “Bye Jiminnie!”

It’s been 15 minutes and he still hasn’t come down. I cover the food so it won’t get cold, I don’t feel like eating much anyway. Lunch is lonely without Minnie, anything is lonely without Minnie.

After 20 minutes nobody else is eating either, they’re looking at me, expectantly.

Oh. “He said he’d be down soon.”

“Hmm” says Namjoon, “Should we . . .?”

“Yeah.” agrees Jin-hyung, replying to the almost silent communication.

We pack up our leftover food and get up then all at once like a six-way-telepathy, we start running. We pass TXT, who bow. We bow back as we run.

Whe Jin opens the door, music spills out. The track. Jimin is singing his part. Flawlessly, but not beautifully. Normally when I listen to him I feel my knees going weak, and I think that maybe I can sink into the music. Now it feels empty. I feel like the sound is hollowing me out inside. I watch Jimin’s face as he sings, his expression is empty too, like his music, void of personality. He looks . . . vacant. He looks awful. I feel like I’m going to cry, seeing him like this. What happened to him? Was I too harsh this morning? He doesn’t deserve to look like this, no one does.

I watch Jin walk over to the and practically slam the pause button. He looks as upset as I feel.

“Park Jimin! What are you doing?” Jimin looks up, he looks shocked and confused, he blinks and looks around Jin-hyung to Namjoon-hyung.

“I was practising hyung.” He says, his voice sounds dry. How many times has he practised his part?

“Practising! Through lunch break!” Jin-hyung looks furious. I want to tell him to be easy on Minnie, but I’m angry too. He left me all alone for lunch. He said he’d only be a second, he lied to me, and he didn’t eat.

He looks down, I wish he’d look up so he could see the concern on my face. I hope my face is conveying the depth of it. “No, hyung I just was-”

Someone opens the door, the technician. Already? I check the time, he’s right on time, we are early. “Alright, I hope you had a yummy lunch, it’s time to do the test recording. We can try the beats Namjoon-ssi was talking about earlier.

Jimin looks confused again.

—

When we get home Jimin goes straight to bed.

I look at Jin-hyung.

“It’s okay.” he says, “He’s tired, he can have a big breakfast tomorrow, I’ll make sure of it.”

“Thanks hyungie!”

“Of course.”

JIMIN’S P.O.V.

I open my eyes, everything feels foggy and dull. The bed is cold, Jungkook isn’t here. Feelings rise up inside me and I stifle them. Why should he be here? I hardly talked to him at all yesterday. He doesn’t deserve me and I’m not doing anything to make it any easier for him.

I look at the clock, its bright red numbers glare daggers at me. 8:00! That means only an hour and a half until scheduled. I missed my morning workout! I’m so useless I can’t even keep to a simple regimen. I sigh, I can’t go now, I just have to find extra time.

I walk into the kitchen, where something smells really good. Pancakes, eggs- I feel hunger pangs, then disgust washes over me. How can I be so greedy? I resist the hunger pangs (dancing will distract me) and debate who to sit next to. All the hyungs might notice me not eating and get worried but I shouldn’t sit next to Jungkook or should I, should I try not to be so cold. Maybe then he would love me again- what a selfish thought. That leaves . . .

They see me. “Jiminnnnnie!!!” Jungkook flings himself at me. I want to tell him that he doesn’t have to pretend in front of the other members, that they would understand but he’s crushing me too tight. “You’re up! I missed you, Jin hyung made food just for you since you didn’t get lunch or breakfast yesterday!” he turns serious, “Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, I’m fine.” I realise how stiff I sound, like Yooungi in the morning and then I realise even he looks more awake than me. “I’m still groggy.” I sit down next to Taehyung and take a glass of orange juice. I can’t make myself take food I don’t deserve.

A plate is placed in front of me anyway. “Thank you hyung.” They’re trying not to be obvious but I can easily tell that they’re watching me. Slowly I force myself to eat, fighting disgust at how much I enjoy it.

Dance practice goes the same, I work as hard as I can and manage to slip away from lunch early to practise more. By the end of the day I’m exhausted. The buzzing happiness of effort has turned into a persistent ache.

Hobi bounds up to me as we’re packing up.

“Hey, since we’re already here, why don’t we just film the dance practice video now!” He says.

The others agree. I have a theory I want to test.

“Umm, hyung I’d love to but I’m really sore. Can I just lay down in one of your studios?”

“Aww, sure. Here’s the key.” Namjoon says cooing and handing me the key. His smile fades in his eyes, I can see that he’s concerned. I brush it off and turn away.

I don’t intend on going to Namjoon’s studio. I head to the gym. I’ve been dancing all day but I still feel heavy, I need to burn the extra calories from breakfast.

After working out I race back to Namjoon’s studio (it’s the first place they’ll look for me) and curl up. It feels good and I tell myself not to get used to it. I need to push myself and make myself uncomfortable if I’m going to get better at dancing and singing.

I still have a few minutes so I tune into the live stream and scroll straight to the comments section.

My experiment was to see how many likes and positive comments the other members got without me there ruining everything.

We already have millions of likes and as I keep scrolling there are only a few negative comments. Such mean things, how could anyone say that, it’s all so stupid. I want to delete everyone so none of the members think that people don’t enjoy all of their hard work.

@Taekook4life - Awww! Taekook are looking so cute together, my dreams are coming true.

> @OT6 - Yasss QUEENS! They are slaying that choreo

> > @Solo-stan - yep, it was meant to be.

Still I can’t help the despair that crashes down on me (so selfish) people clearly like the group much better without me there. There aren’t any comments asking where I am. I look around Namjoon hyung’s studio. All the awards and records and trophies, none of it’s for me, there would be more if I wasn’t around. I should leave and yet I can’t bring myself to (again selfish).

I will work hard and maybe then I can justify continuing to drag down such a talented group. I am such a horrible person.

I vaguely hear the members open the studio door, then a warm body slam down beside me, he pulls me closer. Jungkook.

“Minnnieee!” He coos, “Are you feeling better?” His voice is soft and beautiful and his touch feels warm, cosy and safe. I wish it didn’t it would make it easier to let him go. This is the closest we’ve been in two days. Why is he doing this? Could he still possible want to be friends with me? I try to move away but his grip is iron. Then he loosens it and I move over. When I look back at him he looks confused, a bit taken aback and sad. I feel so guilty that I move just a bit closer pretending to stretch out so he won’t get suspicious.

“Yeah” I say, attempting not to sound so stiff again.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

The dance practice video goes smoothly but I miss Minnie, dancing is boring without him. At the very start of the video Namjoon told all the viewers that Jimin wasn’t feeling well so nobody was worried why he wasn’t there. I was worried. He’s seemed so tired the past few days.

We all go to Namjoon’s studio, and I go in first. Minie is laying on the couch curled up almost asleep but not quite. He’s so cute I begin to pull out my phone for a picture but he looks up groggily.

“Minnnieee!” I say pulling him close to me until he’s in my lap. “Are you feeling better?”

Jimin shifts in my arms, I hold him for a moment then decide if he wants to move I should let him. He scoots to the other end of the small couch. It’s not that big a distance but I’m a bit confused, he always loves sitting in my lap. I want my Mochi back.

He looks at me with an expression that I’ve never seen on him before. It’s confused but almost . . . hopeful? He moves back to me stretching his arms and legs out and rolling his neck. Ah, that’s why. I welcome him back into my arms.

He breaks the silence with a small “Yeah '' It takes a moment for me to realise he's answering my question from before.

Since practice is done for the day we leave the building to go get dinner somewhere. Minnie stays on my lap almost the entire time and he seems happier than he has in two days. I think we should watch a movie when we get back home.

JIMIN’S P.O.V

All through dinner I sit on Jungkook’s lap, greedily soaking up his attention. It’s hard but I manage to escape the hyungs’ notice by eating a few slices of bell pepper. I hate that I’m so happy when I’m with Jungkook. It’s not fair to him, he only wants to be friends after all. And I shouldn’t be this happy right now, I don’t have time. I need to focus on work.

~ T ~ I ~ M ~ E ~ ~ ~ S ~ K ~ I ~ P ~

Today is a meeting day. We’ll listen to the recording, decide if we’re happy with it, then plan the music video.

��

In the meeting room Namjoon plays the song for us. I feel dizzy and try not to swoon when it gets to Kook’s part. Then it gets to mine . . . It's okay but compared to the others it sounds amateurish. I worked so hard only for it to still sound like this, I want to cry. Everything is spinning so I put my head down on the table hoping to sink right into the wood surface.

I hear voices around me but they sound muffled like I’m underwater and everyone else is on the surface. They’re laughing. I would be too if I heard something that awful.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

Namjoon presses play and I can immediately tell how good it’s going to be. When we get to Jimin’s part it’s so amazing I want to start making out with him right now. I’m so absorbed that I fall out of my chair. Everyone laughs and Tae helps me up.

“Are you just becoming Jimin now?” Namjoon asks

“Yeah, Jimin is that you?” Jin jokes

“JIMIIIINN-SSSIII!!!” Hobi shouts.

I turn to look at Jimin, his head is on the table. Everyone stops laughing.

“Minnie! What’s wrong?” I ask

“Do you feel sick?” Namjoon asks

He doesn’t look up, “Just tired. I’ll be fine”

I nod and start petting his hair.

“You’ve been tired a lot lately Minnie, are you sure you’ve been getting enough sleep? You always go to the studio so early.” Jin worries.

“Yeah I’m fine.” He says that but he doesn’t look fine at all. He looks like he’s about to cry. I’m worried.

“Heavy schedules are hard on anyone. This will get better soon. Then we can do something fun together.” Hobi says brightening the mood as always. I’m still worried. I’ve never seen Jimin like this and honestly, it scares me. But then again haven’t we all gotten a bit intense at some point. I mentally battle with myself the entire rest of the day, making sure to be extra affectionate to Minnie.

He goes back to normal as if nothing happened but I keep a close eye on him.

After the song finishes he looks thoughtfully at Namjoon. “It is great but does it really need my part though?”

“Oh. Did you want to do another part? You should have told us sooner. We could-“

“No,” I can tell that he’s choosing his words carefully, “what I mean is. Does the song really need my voice?”

“What!?” Namjoon looks very confused and I’m sure I do too.

“You’re part of this group Jimin-ah, besides we’ve already finished we can’t take it out now.” Jin says, adding a joke at the end. I swear something on Jimin’s face looks like he didn’t take it that way.

JIMIN’S P.O.V

I try to brush it off like nothing happened but the hyungs, and Jungkook are all watching me now. Great, I’ve caused trouble again. I hate this feeling. I can tell they’re all disappointed with my work but too polite to say something. I wish they would.

Next, the planning for the music video begins. We don’t do it all by ourselves but it’s good to come up with a basic outline. I already did one experiment and there were less hate comments and more likes and views without me so with this in mind I try again gently, casually suggesting, picking my words every so carefully so that they don’t realise what I’m doing. One by one I manage to either minimise or remove my parts of the music video.

Everything is going okay at least, I’m getting better in shape and somewhat improving my singing. It is a little upsetting that all my effort isn’t paying off as much as I expected because I still have a long way to but when I’m ready I start being in the music videos again. When I’m worthy of the fans.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

I’m still shocked at Jimin wanting to take his part out of the song. Is he thinking about leaving the group? He would have told me . . . Right?

——

~ T ~ I ~ M ~ E ~ ~ ~ S ~ K ~ I ~ P ~

It’s been two weeks since Jimin first went to the studio early and he’s been doing it everyday since. He’s been working so hard. He’s amazing but I hardly ever get to spend time with him anymore. We are of course with each other all the time but we’re not really focusing on eachother (for me it’s hard not to focus on him) he’s been so focused on work these days and we haven’t gone on a date in so long.

Most of the time he doesn’t eat meals with us and he comes home later so tired that he ends up falling asleep on the couch. I understand working hard but this, this is too much. I miss him. I miss my mochi. (Yeah that’s right ARMY, he’s mine! Are you jealous?)

I wake up as usual, stupidly hopeful that he’ll be there, actually resting, with me. And as usual it’s only me. I head aimlessly toward the kitchen where Jin and Hobi-hyung cook breakfast. (Namjoon-hyung was banned from the kitchen years ago)

We eat together, the hyungs chat and Tae smiles sympathetically at me. I sigh trusfratedly I want to do something for Minnie. Then I get the idea.

“Hey it’s Minnie’s birthday in two days, why don’t we throw him a surprise party?”

“Yeah”

“That’s a great idea.”

“We should have enough time to get a cake made.”

The hyungs are all in agreement and the plan is set. We won’t breathe a word of this to Jimin, he’ll be so surprised.

JIMIN’S P.OV.

Two days later: 13th October (Jimin’s Birthday)

I wake up earlier than everybody else as usual. The dorm is quiet and calm and dark and lonely. I ended up sleeping on the couch again and my tail is sore and stiff. Not only from sleeping in an awkward position but from keeping it hidden it’s a necessity but still I selfishly wish i didn’t have to. Especially today, my birthday. None of the members have mentioned anything about it.

I guess they forgot. I try to be happy that I’m not distracting them or being a nuisance anymore but I can’t. I’ve barely spent any time with Jungkook since I’ve started my new regimen. He stays up late, but I stay up later and when I get back to the dorms I’m always so tired that I fall asleep in my clothes. I shower at the company gym so I don’t wake the members.

Silently I grab some clothes from my closet and then I head out. I can’t help myself from crying. I still love Jungkook so much and I know that it’s awful but I wish he’d love me even though I’m still so ugly. But I’ve gotten so much better haven’t I? So why doesn’t he love me? Then I remember that perfect, beautiful, glorious Kim Taehyung exists. I sob again.

I don’t know why I ever thought it would be a good idea to walk today. I guess I thought it would be good to clear my head today. Now I feel awful, my body feels heavy and I have the beginnings of a headache. Then I remember that this is what it’s supposed to feel like, this must be however one else feels in order to look so perfect, right? I just had to start working a bit harder.

—-

~ T ~ I ~ M ~ E ~ ~ ~ S ~ K ~ I ~ P ~

It’s been 10 minutes since dance practice was supposed to start and not one of the members has shown up yet. The ache has settled deep into my bones. They’re probably just stuck in traffic or something. I force myself to keep dancing. Just as I’m going to break down and call Jin-hyung, choreographer-nim comes in.

“Jimin-ssi I came to tell you that your schedules have been cancelled. You can go back home and rest. You should.” He says looking slightly awkward then he leaves.

I just stand there for a moment in shock. They cancelled my schedule, the company must not want me here anymore. I mean I guess I always knew that I wasn’t good enough and all my effort is too little too late but so suddenly. I feel myself sinking to the floor. Then I get up, I can’t be sitting here uselessly.

I get to work. I do the routine over and over until I find my mind drifting off to other places while my body moves. My mind drifts off to the dorm, where I want to be lying in bed . . . With Jungkook. I want him to massage my back and kiss me and tell me he loves me. I force the happy memories down.

I’m so tired and sore that I can hardly stand. I hear the click of the door opening.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

I wake up and press the feeling of loneliness down. I’ll see Jimin soon.

We woke up early but I guess Jimin was earlier because he’s nowhere to be seen. It works out for us but still sends a stab of longing through me. After we eat breakfast we do the decorating and Namjoon and Jin-hyung go to pick up the cake while Hobi picks everyone’s outfits and cleans the kitchen and living room again. Yoongi, who for his part did a lot of the ecorating, sits at the table sipping his morning coffee. He’ll be fully awake in about half an hour.

When Jin and Namjoon come back with the cake they don’t let me see it. They were in charge of the design so it’ll actually be a surprise for me as well.

We should be leaving for the company by now but we got manager-nim to cancel our schedules for the day. I text Jimin and tell him to come home. He doesn’t reply so I text again. I even try calling him. I get worried then remember he probably just has his phone silenced so I call the choreographer because he’s probably still at the company today and tell him to go and tell Jimin that schedules will have been cancelled. I explain the surprise to him and he enthusiastically agrees.

15 minutes later I am still waiting. The choreographer should have told him by now, my Jimin should be home. I text the choreography and he says that he told him. I am very worried now.

“We have to find him, what if something happened?!” I shout

“What! Who?”

“Jimin.”

“Is he not at the studio?”

“I don’t know but he should be here by now.”

“Yeah, let’s go!”

We run downstairs and run to Tae’s car, somehow Namjoon-hyung ends up in the driver's seat and has to switch with Jin-hyung. We race off towards the company.

When we get inside we immediately split up, Namjoon takes the gym, Jin takes the cafeteria, Hobi and Yoongi take the bathrooms and recording rooms respectively.

I take the dance studios. I go to the room we normally use first.

I hear footsteps and throw the door open.

Jimin is dancing, he does our latest routines flawlessly, but robotically and his eyes look far away. I can only see the back of him so I watch his reflection in the mirror. He looks empty, pale with dark circles under his puffy eyes. He’s crying. I run over to him.

I wrap my arms around him, encircling him in a big hug.

“It’s okay, don’t cry, I’m here.” I whisper

He sinks into my arms as if he can’t support his own weight anymore. “Jungkook, what are you doing here?” He asks.

“Didn’t the choreographer tell you? Our schedules were cancelled today.” I ask

“Yes, but I thought It was just mine.” He explains, freeing himself of my grip.

“Why would it be just yours?” I’m really confused. He doesn’t answer.

I persist, “If you knew why you didn't come home, why did you stay here.”

“I just wanted to practise some more.”

“But Minnnnie!” My voice cracks, “you’ve been practising so much, I never get to spend time with you anymore. I miss you!” I’m crying now.

JIMIN’S P.O.V

Jungkook is crying, now I’ve really done it, I’ve made him cry. I can’t do anything right. I want to ask him if he knows about the company cutting me but my worries feel silly with him in my arms.

He’s crying and I have to comfort him. It's the least I can do. I know this is necessary but I’ve been a terrible friend.

I pet his hair and rub his back until he calms down. His grip on me is tight and I can tell he won’t be letting me go anytime soon.

“Come one Kook, let's go home.” I say, I can feel less guilty cutting my practice short because it’s for a friend.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

Now I feel even worse, Jimin is clearly tired but now he has to comfort me. I make sure to keep a tight grip on Jimin so he doesn’t fall over like he looks like he could with only a single gust of wind.

I text the hyungs quickly and they drive back to the dorm. I managed to stall by telling Jimin to take a shower.

I go through his bag and realise he doesn’t have any clean clothes to change into, apparently he realises this too because I hear the bathroom door opening. He comes out shirtless, only a towel wrapped around his waist, normally I enjoy ogling at his chest but now I just stare. He’s somehow lost enough weight, you can see it. I think back to the last half month, I haven't seen him eat anything, but he must have at some point or he’d be dead by now. I let this keep me from completely spiralling out of control. Stress causes people to lose weight right? He must have been very stressed out these last few weeks but what could possibly have stressed him out to this point?

“Park Jimin!” I can only gasp but then I stop seeing how shy he looks. I remember that he’s been under so much stress that yelling won’t be of any help at all.

“Jungkook, I uh, I don’t have any fresh clothes. Can I borrow your sweatshirt, I can just wear the same pants from before?”

I’m still in shock. “Sure.” We can talk about this later. I hold Jimin close to me supporting his frail looking body with my own. He looks ready to fall asleep, or pass out, or both. I know I should probably take him to the hospital but for right now we both need a relaxed environment. I’m sure his surprise will cheer him up and we can get some food for him even if it’s only cake or sweets.

We get back to the dorm and I knock loudly on the door. I hear footsteps. I open the door and we walk into the decorated living room. Jimin doesn’t notice at first then he does. He looks around, a bit in awe.

“You did all of this . . . for me?”

I smile.

JIMIN’S P.O.V

Jungkook smiles the biggest cutest bunny smile I’ve ever seen.

“Happy Birthday hyung!” He says still smiling.

I want to kiss him, I want to kiss him so, so bad, but I resist.

Then I hear more footsteps. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIMIN-SSI!!!” The hyungs and Tae appear out from behind the wall carrying a handmade banner reading “!!!HAPPY BIRTHDAY WE LOVE YOU MOCHI!!!” In big colourful letters.

They all hug me. I haven't had much physical contact with any of the hyungs or Jungkook in ages, the warmth surrounds me and takes away the aching feeling.

“Annnd, guess what? We have cake!” Hobi, Tae and Kook shout.

I smile, trying to match their level of excitement but the cake could be a problem. It’s probably full of sugar and calories in the frosting alone. I can’t eat it and ruin all my hard work.

“Alright,” Jin-hyung commands, “Hobi, Yoongi you two cut and serve cake. I’ll set up the V-Live.”

V-Live, what’s the point it’s not like anyone will watch it? Then I get an idea that I can hide my face with a mask. If any of the members ask I’ll just say that I’m not feeling well, it will also give me an excuse not to eat cake.

I grab a mask from the bathroom cabinet and put it on.

Hobi-hyung sees me first. “Are you feeling alright Min?”

“Yeah, I just think I’m coming down with a small cold is all.”

“Okay, do you want some tea or anything? Hyung will make you some.”

“Oh, no it’s okay. I really don’t feel that bad.”

“That’s good but tell us if you start feeling worse.”

“Of course.” I sigh, I almost made hyung go out of the way for me again.

Jungkook is immediately concerned when he sees my mask. I assure him it’s just a tiny cold. He seems to believe me.

We greet ARMY and show the cake. People ask why I have the mask on and Jungkook answers for me.

“Minnie’s caught a little cold, he’ll be fine.”

Lots of comments of "feel better, get well soon” and “stay healthy" appear in the comments section. I actually smile. Then I see another hate comment and the smile disappears.

Jin holds the cake while we sing and I blow the candles out. We all sit down on the sofa. Hoseok snuggles next to Yoongi, Namjoon sits on the floor in front of Jin, while Jin massages his head, Tae sits next to Jungkook and I sit in Jungkook’s lap.

Cake plates are passed around until everyone but me has one. Tae begins to pass me a piece of the cake.

“Um, I’m not very hungry right now, maybe I’ll have some later.” I say trying my very best to smile. Then I remember I have the mask on.

“Do you want something else, hyung can make you some other food. It might help you feel better.” Namjoon asks. I can tell he’s concerned.

“No it’s alright I just don’t have much of an appetite today.”

Jungkook gives me a look, I know he noticed that I lost weight. I didn’t mean for him to notice in case him or any of the other members got unnecessarily worried. I purposefully wore clothes that hid it but when he saw me without a shirt it was obvious.

“Min, you should eat something. It really would help your cold.”

I nod, “I’ll eat later.”

—

A few minutes into the V-Live I almost kiss Jungkook. I’m grateful for the mask which reminds me not to. Then it happens again. I scoot farther away. The members are talking but I can’t hear anything over how chilled I suddenly feel.

Now that I’m not right up against Jungkook, I notice how cold the room is. I shiver and tuck my hands into the pockets of Jungkook’s hoodie, thankfully he let me wear it. I feel a tickle in my nose and stifle five thick wet sneezes into the crook of my elbow. The mask does most of the work but it’s all snotty now so I should probably get a new one.

I feel miserable. I almost ask Jungkook for a hug. I have to get out of here before I do something that embarrasses him. Besides, I don’t have the energy to pretend to smile anymore.

“Sorry everyone, I’m tired, I’m going to lie down for a bit, okay.”

“Alright, at least come say bye before we end the Live.” Hoseok says

“You don’t have to end the Live, just continue on without me.” I say, heading towards the room. I feel dizzy, black spots dance across my vision and then consume everything.

JUNGKOOK’S P.O.V

We’re all talking about our favourite moments with Jimin that we’ve had this year when I heard someone sneeze. It’s so quiet I can barely hear it over the conversation but then I see Jimin his elbow pressed to his face despite the mask. Though the sneezes soft I hear the mucus.

“Sorry everyone , I’m tired, I’m going to lie down for a bit, okay.” Jimin says suddenly. He looks almost as pale as Yoongi. I can hear the congestion seeping into his voice.

“Alright, at least come say bye before we end the Live.” Hoseok, like the rest of us, looks confused. He can’t just leave his own Birthday V-Live.

“You don’t have to end the Live, just continue on without me.” Jimin says, he shrugs and turns toward our room. He only makes it a few steps before he falls with a hollow thump, to the floor.

My legs are moving before my brain can process what has happened.

“Jimin," I shout shaking him, he doesn't move.

“It’s okay, he’s just fainted.” Namjoon informs us.

“He’s burning up! Someone get the thermometer, quick!” Hoseok yells.

“What could’ve caused this, he said he only had a small cold.” Jin-hyung asks.

“Well he hasn’t bee-” I start but tae cuts me off

“We should probably end the V-Live now.”

“Oh yeah.” Joon runs over to the camera. “Salanghae ARMY!” and cuts off the broadcast.

We take Jimin back to our room and set him on the bed.

“I think he just over exhausted himself.” Yoongi speculates

“Yeah, he’s been working very hard lately.” Namjoon nods.

Jin still has the V-Live app open and something catches my eye.

@Taekook4life - Oh-em-gee!!!, Taekook were so cute, shame they had to cut the live off because of that stupid whiny cat boy

> @OT6 - Yeah, did you hear Namjoon say that he fainted, how pathetic

> > @Jimin-has-no-jams - I can't believe they even let someone so weak be part of the group

> > > @hybrid-hater - seriously and like I said, freaks belong in a circus.

The comments make my blood boil. How could people still ship Tae and I when Jimin and I are in a public relationship. These people are saying such mean things I want to punch something.

“Hyungs, look” I point the comments out to them. They shrink back, aghast.

“Is this like a common thing?” asks Tae

“I don’t know, let’s check other places.” Namjoon suggests.

We check all of our most recent content and find tons more comments, some screen-names keep coming up but there are just so many.

The cover we listened to comes up in our suggested results and when I accidentally click on it instead of the video below it I see it. At first it sounds like the user is completing the singer but then it takes a turn.

@anti1357 - wow ARMY-BLINK💜, this cover is so good, especially Jimin’s part you sing some much better, you should take his place

> @hybrid-hater - totally! This song is actually great without that ugly hybrid.

> > @btsucks - yeah and people say he’s the visuals, ugh! 🤮

> > > @Jimin-has-no-jams - ikr freak! 🐈🤡

I’m full of rage but I can’t stop looking, the next thing is a selca I took with Minnie about two weeks ago.

@Taekook4life - literally ewww! Beautiful Jeon Jungkook . . . with him, but like Jimin is soo ugly tho. And you can see the fat on him. Jungkook needs to just get with Kim Taehyung instead.

> @Jimin’s-jams - first of all that’s so rude, that’s muscle, from dancing, and I bet he can dance so much better than any of us can! so pls be quiet.

> > @OT6 - if they’re muscles from dancing then why’s he so terrible at dancing then, honestly he’s a joke, I bet Bang Pd just felt bad for him.

> > > @Solo-stan - he must have because Jimin can’t even sing that well, he is literally so whiny.

We’re all horrified. Jimin must’ve seen these comments and started believing them. It all makes sense now. Why Jimin has been hiding his ears and tail and even himself. Why he didn’t want to be in the dance practice video, why he tried to take himself out of the music video and even the song.

I can feel the tears dripping down my cheeks and not only mine but the other members are crying as well, we seem to have reached the realisation at the same time.

“Gahh, we’re such bad friends, how come we didn’t see it?” Hobi wails.

“No, it’s my fault,” I say, “I’m his boyfriend, I should've seen it.”

“It’s in the past now. All we can do is to make sure that our Mochi gets better.” Namjoon says, patting the sleeping Jimin’s hair.

We all nod.

“We’ll make Jimin some soup and tea and leave you two alone.” Jin-hyung says

“Thank you.” I say quietly.

JIMIN’S P.O.V

I open my eyes and everything is blurry. Slowly my vision clears and I see a familiar face standing over me. Jungkook. A feeling of calmness washes over me, as long as he’s here I’m safe.

Then before I even realise what he’s doing he plants a kiss on my forehead. His lips are soft and warm against my skin. I try to sit up but can’t. Panic sets in, if I can’t even sit up how am I supposed to dance.

“It’s okay. You’re okay. I’m here.” He motions for me to breathe with him. I do and it makes me feel better almost immediately. I try to sit up again and this time he helps me.

“Take it easy. You’re not well, Min.” He croons, helping me sit up. I am acutely aware of his hand on my back.

“Not well?” I question not only my condition but his delicate phrasing.

“You fainted, do you remember that?”

“I just remember really wanting to just sleep, then everything went black and now I’m here.”

“That’s good, I don’t think you hit your head.” He says, sounding a bit more like himself now.

I’m so tired and his voice is so soft that I can’t help bursting into tears. Before I can stop it it all comes flooding out.

“Kookie, I don’t feel good.” I hate the whine in my voice but I can’t stop it

“I know, baby, I know. Can you tell me what hurts.” He hugs me, his grip is gentle but I can still feel his warmth.

I think for a moment “Everything.” Then I feel a tickle in my nose and sneeze thickly right into his neck. My face heats up.

“I’mb ‘orry.” I sniffle pathetically. The last thing I need to do is get Jungkook sick. “I’mb a bess.”

“No, no you’re not. It’s okay, you are not a mess, you have a cold. It happens to everyone.”

“You should go, I don’t want to get you sick. I’ve caused enough trouble already.”

He looks sadly at me, “Is that how you really feel, Minnie.”

I can’t help but nod.

“You have never caused me any trouble.” He says taking a tissue from the bedside table and wiping my nose. I blush again.

“But” I sob, “I’ve been a terrible friend.”

“No. You have been dealing with a lot, the only person you've been terrible to is yourself.” He cups my face in his hands and kisses me.

I try to push him off, what is he doing?

“So what if I get sick?” He shrugs and kisses me again. “You’re my boyfriend, I love you.” He mumbles the words softly as we kiss. He must see the look of hesitation on my face because he sighs, “Minnie, I sleep right next to you. I’m going to catch this cold anyway.” He starts kissing me again and I can’t help but reciprocate the actions, an automatic reflex.

When he stops I look straight into his big doe eyes, they’re sad. I bet he wishes he didn’t love someone like me and even though I know I shouldn't be, I’m so disgustingly happy that he does. Something he said surprises me belatedly.

“You're still my boyfriend?”

He looks a bit shocked. “Yes, I mean if you still want me to be.”

“Of course.” I answer back too quickly. Again, it’s a reflex, a reflex to love, maybe, maybe, just maybe . . . . . I’m not such a very bad terrible person after all. I try to squash down this hope but it won’t go. There is still one thing though, in his arms it feels so stupid but I have to know.

“But what about Taehyung?”

His face morphs into an expression of extreme confusion, “Taehyung? . . . . .” then it changes to one of horror. “You didn’t think . . . You didn’t think that- that I-” His voice breaks into almost nothing. “No, I love you and ONLY you Jimin. Taehyung is like a brother to me, nothing more. YOU are my love, the love of my life. You are my life. You and only you. Do you understand what I just said?”

“Yes.” I say quietly. He smiles and hugs me tighter. I crush the disappointment in my chest. I selfishly want him to kiss me again. He still looks sad.

He pulls away so I can fully see his face. “Did-didn’t” he pauses, looking like he’s trying not to cry, “Didn’t you miss this bed?”

I don’t understand immediately, then I remember I’ve been sleeping on the couch for the last two weeks. The difference is vast once I actually pay attention. The bed is soft and warm and cosy with a fluffy blanket and pillow that both smell like Jungkook. I much prefer it over the couch.

“I did.” I admit. I hope he doesn’t think I’m selfish.

“Well then come back. Sleep with me tonight, we can just sleep right now if you want.”

I’m so tired but I’m afraid that if I go to sleep now that when I wake up I’ll realise that this was all a dream and Jungkook doesn’t actually love me. I wanna stay in this dream. I need a way I can dream on. I shake my head.

“Alright, we can do whatever you want.”

I shiver, still feeling cold despite the comforter.

“How about a nice warm bath?”

I nod. Jungkook helps me out of bed and to the bathroom where he starts getting the bath ready. He takes off his shirt, and then his pants leaving only his bare chest and boxers. He’s beautiful. I could never look like that.

“Like what you see?” He teases, I blush right up to my forehead.

“I could never deserve you.” I sigh the words to myself, the look on his face says he heard.

He shakes his head and comes up to me, forcing me to face my reflection in the mirror. He takes off my shirt.

“You, Park Jimin, are a masterpiece.” He whispers into my ear.

I can’t stop myself from smiling. He continues, trailing his hands over my chest, his fingers leaving a tingling sensation in their wake. “You can sing and dance beautifully and you’re incredibly cute.” He continues listing good things about me but I just focus on the sound of his voice. The voice of a man who loves me, he’s beautiful and he’s mine.

He ends his speech with a kiss on my lips. “Now come one, you’ve got goosebumps, let's get you warm.” I lean into his touch as he strips me down completely and helps me into the bath.

I sit back and let Jungkook work, pausing occasionally to kiss me, on the neck, on the shoulder, on the arm until he’s kissed almost every surface of my body.

“I saw the comments.” He says as he begins massaging shampoo into my hair.

I don’t know what to say to that but I feel the tears roll down my cheeks.

“Those people are stupid, cowardly trolls hiding behind screen names because they can’t bear to say those things to your amazingly good looking face.”

“I know.” I sob, suddenly feeling very stupid. “How could I let those people control my life like that?”

“It’s not your fault, Minne, anyone would crumble under all that pressure. You’re so strong and I hate to see you doubting yourself like this just because of some stupid shit people said on the internet. You’re beautiful just the way you are. And as for me I much prefer you healthy than stick thin. You need to stay healthy so you can do what you love. You’re never home, I’ve missed you.” He kisses my shoulder.

“I’ve missed you too.” I turn around to face him, pulling him closer and kissing him deeper. His lips are soft and warm against mine, everything I’ve missed, everything I need to feel good about myself. A warm sensation fills my body, taking the cold and the aching away. I feel a tickle in my nose try to turn away but I sneeze on Jungkook anyway.

“Ah, I’m going to give you my cold.” I half sigh, half laugh and try to pull away.

“I don’t care.” Jungkook whispers kissing me again

“I do.”

“Don’t.” He argues and for the moment, I really don’t care, until I feel goose bumps forming along my arms again.

“Kook the water’s getting cold.”

He pulls away and turns the tap to add more hot water to the bath. He resumes washing my hair, it feels good, not as good as kissing but still good all the same. He tips my head back to rinse the shampoo out. I smile at him.

“I’ve missed this,” he says, “I’ve missed us. Next time something is bothering you please just come to me or one of the hyungs but please don’t sit on it and let yourself treat yourself badly.”

“Of course.”

“You promise.”

“Yes.”

We get out of the bath and dry ourselves off, Jungkook wears only a shirt and joggers himself but gives me one of his hoodies to wear and some of my fluffy pyjama bottoms. I love Kook’s hoodies, the scent and the softness relaxes me. It reminds me of how tired I am. The bed with all its soft pillows and blankets looks more tempting than ever, I lay down.

“Do you want to sleep now?”

Once again I hesitate, I’m sure now, that this isn’t all a dream, but I don’t really want to be alone either.

“I’ll be here, right here. With you.” He says it as if he’s read my mind.

“You're sure?”

“Absolutely.” He says climbing under the covers next to me. I feel his warmth against mine. I fall asleep listening to his whispers of “I love you.”

(A/N: I'll probably do a Jungkook P.O.V. chapter and then a final one from both of their perspectives maybe. Sorry if the formatting is strange.)

#Jikook #Jikook angst #Jikook fluff #Jikook sickfic #Jikook hybrid au #sick Park Jimin #caretaker jeon jungkook #caretaker OT7 #Jeon Jungkook/Park Jimin #Park Jimin/Jeon Jungkook #kookmin #sickie jimin #bts hybrid au #bts hyrbid #bts hybrid fic #bts hybrid fanfic #cat hybrid park jimin

2 notes · View notes