#kodiak/ambrose

[riotwritesthings]

Any Time, Every Time

Kodiak/Ambrose, T, 1.5k - T, 1.5k - Fluff, Humor, Confessions, Missing Scene, slight angst, banter

two boys in space, a confession of things already known, and a promise for any future that may come

That’s right it’s fanfic of The Darkness Outside Us. because I literally could not stop myself.

When does this take place? You know, on the ship. Somewhere in space. But we're just trying to have a nice dinner and not think about that.

Let's just say if you haven't read the book, probably do that first. Plz. It's so good and everyone deserves an untainted read haha

(also, IM SORRY this isn't anything you were probably expecting. but THIS BOOK YALL I couldn't stop, read it maybe because I cannot be in this pain alone.)

-

“I’m in love with you,” Kodiak declares one day, completely out of the blue.

Ambrose nearly spits sans serif water all over the place. When he turns to the other boy, still coughing, he’s somehow unsurprised to find that Kodiak has an almost sullen look on his face, jaw clenched stubbornly.

Ambrose opens his mouth and then shuts it again. “What?“ He finally croaks.

“I’m in love with you,” Kodiak repeats, just as flatly as the first time. This time he also raises one eyebrow, which means he’s questioning Ambrose’s supposed intelligence.

”What?“ Ambrose finds himself saying again, and maybe he isn’t as smart as he always thought.

Because it’s not really a surprise, is it?

They’ve both known this was coming, they’ve known it for weeks. They heard the same message, like a prophecy, and it’s hard to deny something said in their own voices, said by them. Not that Ambrose has tried, why would he? The sad truth is love is all he’s ever wanted, after all, and he’s felt it happening. He’s felt it growing in his own chest, familiar and new and huge, terrifying to put a name to even though he already knows.

Actually hearing it, though, hearing that he’s loved and believing it, threatens to knock loose something brittle and sharp in his chest. Ambrose finds that he can’t say a thing in response, he can’t even catch his breath to try.

Kodiak sighs heavily, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of his lips. ”It’s the only explanation,“ he says dryly and leans across the table to take the leaking water pouch from Ambrose’s numb hand.

”Oh,“ Ambrose says slowly, his heart racing. He finds a smile spreading across his face, so wide it almost hurts, ”You ran all the data, did you?“

”I did,“ Kodiak agrees, ”and unfortunately I came to the same conclusion every time.“

“That was a joke,” Ambrose accuses and his voice still comes out weirdly breathless, awed.

”I do not joke,“ Kodiak insists for the hundredth time, “Now who is being evasive?”

That startles a shaking laugh out of him because Kodiak is right. He’s usually the one reminding himself 'vulnerability, Ambrose’, and trying to drag Kodiak along with him, and when did his shipmate get so brave? Ambrose’s heart feels too big for his chest, so full that it’s hard to breathe around.

“So you ran the data,” he says encouragingly because there’s no way he’s letting Kodiak stop, now.

“Yes,” Kodiak says, squaring his shoulders like this is another mission he’s determined to accomplish. “You are confusing and unbearable, and I am very in love with you.”

”You-“ Ambrose laughs, emotion clogging his throat again, ”You’re supposed to say nice things.“

“You are perfect,” Kodiak shoots back instantly, still with that stubborn set to his jaw even though there’s a flush rising in his pale cheeks. “You’re smart, kind, beautiful, you are nothing like I could have expected, and you are perfect.”

“Oh,” Ambrose says again and then blinks rapidly, telling himself that his eyes aren’t wet.

“Considering the data,” Kodiak continues, rolling his eyes and clearly trying to fight down a grin before he abruptly goes serious, “And considering our situation… I feel confident to say that I will love you for the rest of my life. Until we lose to the dangers of space or our murderous OS.”

“I would not murder you,” the OS says, but Ambrose ignores it. The ship is currently using the Devon Munjaba voice-skin, because he wanted to annoy Kodiak earlier, and it’s easier to tune out than his mother’s voice.

“And after that,” Kodiak says, his voice gone quiet and rough as he mentions the thing they don’t mention, “I will love you then, too.”

Ambrose has to choke down a sob that rises suddenly in his chest because they don’t talk about this. But he knows it’s true, if they…

If there’s a next time, when they’re them-but-not-them, Kodiak will love him. Kodiak will argue with him and piss him off, Kodiak will make him laugh and keep him sane. Kodiak will see him and love him. And Ambrose-

“I- I love you too, you know,” he stutters out quickly when he realizes that he hasn’t said it yet.

“Of course,” Kodiak says, puffing up his chest proudly and lifting one strong arm to flex the muscle. Ambrose laughs and he immediately deflates again, grinning, but there’s insecurity in the curl of his shoulders.

“I’m in love with you, Kodiak Celius,” Ambrose says again, meeting Kodiak’s gaze steadily to try and make sure he knows it. “I don’t have to run the data, I love you.“

”Sloppy work,“ Kodiak accuses, but his voice is thick and Ambrose won’t be deterred.

”Even if I didn’t know it, I would love you,” he promises, ”and on this ship, that’s one of the few things I’m sure of.“

Kodiak is starting to look a little panicky, like this is too much for his stoic sensibilities. He’s popping his knuckles beneath the table, Ambrose recognizes the motion of it, so he decides to have a little mercy.

“Even if you do drive me a little crazy,” he adds with a fond smile, “and even if you are the most stubborn person I’ve ever met.”

“No I’m not,” Kodiak says, stubbornly, and Ambrose grins wider.

“You’re annoying,” he informs Kodiak happily, “and I love you.”

“You’re going to be more unbearable now,” Kodiak says with a sigh.

“But you love me.”

“But I love you,” Kodiak agrees, ducking his chin, but that doesn’t hide his wide smile or the flush across the bridge of his nose.

Kodiak returns to scooping noodles out of his food pouch, apparently satisfied that his conversational mission is accomplished. Ambrose follows his lead and they finish eating in a warm, comfortable silence. Although it is kind of hard to chew when Ambrose can’t stop grinning.

When he finishes Kodiak tips his chair back and stretches his arms up above his head with a deep, happy sigh. He smirks at Ambrose openly watching him do it, then as he drops his arms he smiles sweetly and asks, “Can I have some tea, please?”

“You know how to make tea by now, I know you do,” Ambrose points out, pretending he’s very busy scooping up the last remains of his food.

“Yes, but I like the way you make it,” Kodiak says shamelessly.

“You’re going soft on me,” Ambrose accuses, narrowing his eyes, but still pushes himself up from the table and moves towards the cabinets. He waits a couple of seconds while Kodiak makes exaggerated offended noises, then adds, “And I love you.”

Behind him, Kodiak lets out a loud groan of complaint that fades into a soft laugh. Ambrose smiles into the selection of tea.

Later, laying on the couch, something occurs to him.

They’re ignoring the OS’s occasional, pointed comments about the task list to instead watch more old reels that Kodiak hasn’t seen and gets way too into. Ambrose is fully expecting to be questioned about the motives of every single character later. Kodiak’s head is pillowed on his stomach, one hand stretched up to rest over his heart, and Ambrose is so full of love that he could burst.

He has to put it into words. He has to say something more, something important, meaningful. He has the words, he can feel them bubbling up his throat and making his chest tight.

He considers not saying it, keeping it just for himself. Just his and Minerva’s. But she’s… she’s gone. They’re gone, Titan far behind them, it’s just the two of them and Kodiak deserves to know.

“As long as I’m alive, someone loves you,” Ambrose says softly, thinking back to the promise that was made to him all those years ago. How much it meant, how much it kept him going.

Kodiak doesn’t respond, but Ambrose can feel it when his breath catches slightly and his grip on Ambrose’s shirt tightens. His eyes are bright where they’re still fixed on the reel, clearly not seeing a thing, and Ambrose buries his fingers in Kodiak’s soft hair.

“Any time I’m alive, someone loves you,” he adds in a whisper, soft enough that they can pretend the OS can’t hear them.

A soft, hurt sound escapes Kodiak and he turns his face down against Ambrose’s stomach, clutching at him tighter. “Every time,” he promises, his breath warm and shaking against Ambrose’s skin through his shirt.

When the reel is over Kodiad does have about a dozen questions about the logistics of the talking animals. He asks them all with his chin resting on Ambrose’s chest, grinning up at him, and Ambrose does his best to answer.

”Once again, you are putting way too much thought into this,“ he finally says with a laugh that bounces Kodiak slightly in place, ”and I love you.“

”And you’re not putting enough,“ Kodiak shoots back, eyes shining, ”but I love you anyways.“

[hanging-with-the-gnomies]

Ambrose and Kodiak when their baby finishes 3D printing

[thisantithesis]

eliot schrefer wrote the darkness outside us and said “what if i took these two guys and put them through the most fucked up thing that could ever happen to a pair of human beings” and then proceeded to completely change my worldview

[miadeardn]

some gifs from a tdou edit i made :)

[edsearring]

i'm seated. the bookstore employees are scared and asking me to leave because it's "not october yet" but i'm simply too seated

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Thinking about Kodiak and Ambrose and their early years on Minerva.

Thinking about the first time it rains and they run outside, the two of them getting soaked to the skin but laughing so delightedly and dancing together in the sudden downpour, their footprints glowing.

Thinking about Kodiak being unable to put baby Yarrow down in his crib once he has him in his arms because he has these vague memories of being in the orphanage and never getting held, he's desperate to give his tiny son all the love and affection he can so he never knows that kind of loneliness. Ambrose has to gently coax him, promising that Yarrow won't mind if he sets him down to sleep, that they'll be right next to him in their own bed if he needs them.

Thinking about the first time a storm hits and little Yarrow knocking on the dad's door, his little sister clinging to his other hand because she's scared of the noise but won't admit it. So Yarrow says he's very frightened of the storm, can he and Owl come sleep with you guys? And Kodiak and Ambrose just smile, making as much room as they can for their little ones to snuggle up between them, holding them so safe.

Thinking about how Ambrose has never seen Kodiak cry until they lose one of their babies and then he sobs like he's never going to stop and all he can do is just hold into him and pray his arms are enough to stop him falling apart completely.

Thinking about Kodiak and Ambrose calling each other husband because sure, that doesn't mean much out here and there's no legal meaning to it anymore but they made promises to each other one quiet night and that means everything to them.

Thinking about one time Kodiak checks his list of tasks for the day and is confused to see it wiped off its usual chores to keep the homestead running. Instead there's just one job on it and reading it makes him blush. He turns and Ambrose is leaning in the doorway to their room with a huge flirty grin on his face, pointing out that their children are out playing for the next few hours and they have their first alone time in who knows how long so he took the liberty of adjusting your schedule appropriately. Kodiak just shakes his head fondly and lifts Ambrose right off his feet, carrying him to their bed while he laughs.

[venusqq]

THE DARKNESS OUTSIDE US MEMES because i just finished reading it and i’m obsessed

[ghostprincessworld]

Is there a "the darkness outside us discord sever? If not would anyone be interested if I made one?

[thighzp]

Headed to NYC this weekend and bringing along Ambrose, Kodiak, Yarrow, & Owl ✈️

[bigassbowlingballhead]

I open the tag for the darkness outside us in hopes of finding people talking about the book, fancasting, maybe some art. but no, the most recent posts in the tag are all my annoying ass posting about the book. with little to no art there.

[visro]

scrapbook pages i did for ambrose and kodiak from my favourite book The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer

[hanging-with-the-gnomies]

me and the bad bitch i pulled by being annoying

[thisantithesis]

the darkness outside us rant because i’m having many feelings over ambrose and kodiak tonight

the whole plot of the book is in in of itself so beyond interesting. like not only is the romance aspect—as little as it is compared to the sci-fi aspect—so heartbreaking, but the story captivates you from the very first page. i remember seeing it advertised as a YA novel thinking it would be sort of like a fun little klance spin off, but then i read over half of the book in one sitting and had to sit there for a second to process the enormity what i read.

like imagine being kodiak or ambrose, waking up in the ship, thinking “oh, i must’ve simply passed out during takeoff”, ready to take on the mission you’ve been assigned to but then realizing that not only you were wrong, but your entire life was stolen from you. and at that, it’s not even your life, because you’re actually just a clone from the original kodiak and ambrose, who at that point have been dead for a long time already. i can’t imagine what it would feel like to realize that your memories, your autonomy, your life is basically just a whole lie.

the moment they realized how many thousands of years it had been since the ship left earth actually had me stop breathing for a second. because not only was that a major plot twist, making me rethink what we had learned from the beginning of the story, but it encompassed the enormity of the situation. of them being clones, sent alone to repopulate the human race on a planet that was thousands of years of travel away from earth, and only learning that after they tricked the OS. if they hadn’t done that, they simply would’ve never learned the real purpose of the mission, simply finding it out when the last pair of clones would’ve landed on the new planet.

i can’t imagine coming to terms with the realization that everyone and everything you knew, probably even the planet itself at that point, is gone forever. that you’ll never get it back, that you and the other person with you will be the only people with memories of what once was.

and not only that, but then the two of them being able to find love while also trying to figure out what the fuck is going on, to the point that no matter how many times they died, forgetting whatever romance they did live through during their time alive, they always found their way back to each other. they are literally the definition of a love that lasts a thousand lifetimes. because i’m sure that even if they had a thousand clones of themselves to go through, they would’ve found their way back to each other every single time.

the quote from kodiak “we’ve only ever known each other.” stays with me especially because of how true (and heart breaking) it is. sure, they had their memories from their original lives, but in terms of the body they were currently inhibiting, them as a human being, they were the only person each other had ever known. and that idea, of knowing only one person despite having the memories of countless others, is so profound and lonely at the same time.

the darkness outside us makes my chest physically ache every time i think about it but it’s genuinely one of the most well written stories i’ve ever read and it’ll always be one of my favorite books. i simply can’t wait to see what’s next for kodiak and ambrose in the brightness between us.

[julesblackthorns]

good to know that while ambrose was mentally clocking that objectively kodiak was fit but of course completely not his type and annoying him into becoming his friend in what can only be described as active psychological warfare (devon mujaba's sexy voice modifier), kodiak was sitting there mentally knitting and deciding that yes this guy is irritating and loud and talkative and pretentious and most importantly sexy and that he wants him bad. if only he would shut up.

[rattoenailclippings]

spoiler for The Darkness Outside us ig

WHY DID KODIAK KEEP DYING IN DEPRESSING WAYS BRO LIKE THE RADIATION POISONING AND THEN THE TUMOR LET THIS MAN DIE PEACEFULLY PLS WHY DID AMBROSE HAVE TO NOT EVER DIE FROM SHIT LIKE THAT 😭😭😭😭

[mollymauk-teafleak]

I literally could not ask for more from The Brightness Between Us.

Kodiak and Ambrose being dads. Kodiak and Ambrose being loving and domestic and smiling just at the thought of each other. Kodiak and Ambrose loving their children with everything they have despite and maybe because of, the fact that they never had any love in their own childhoods. Kodiak and Ambrose finding each other in every single version of their lives.

Headcanons will be incoming, this will be my brain for the forceable future.