#knows first and is bullying you about it’ is a universal life experience i need them to have

[quietwingsinthesky]

be fucked up and really funny if the only other person to know the doctor is the timeless child, or at least has funky regneration stuff going on, was brax because Oops! Accidental Childhood Accident Resulting In Regeneration! History Repeats Itself! he never thought to mention this information to them or anyone else though and also they don’t remember it happening.

[shyanddreamy]

A helping hand

Niragi Suguru x Reader

Summary: Niragi wasn´t at his best moment at high school. Life was unfair with him. But you noticed him. He caught your eye. What happened between you and Niragi was much more than he could ever have imagined in his wildest dreams.

Warnings: soft Niragi, mentions of bullying, violence, smut, fluff and angst (all-in-one because why not), loss of virginity, Niragi being so fucking adorable.

Author´s note: Soooo it´s my first time posting here but I needed to write Niragi´s first time and I know you needed to read it too. English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes. I really hope you like it. Love u all <3

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Day after day, he was always alone; always in the same chair doing the same things. Exactly two hours after his arrival, he packed up his books and left for fifteen minutes before coming back with a coffee. He seemed to be pretty strict with his routine. Maybe you were a bit gossip because you had spent the last few days observing him until you learnt his schedule too. But what could you do? Studying was too boring; you needed a distraction. And he looked like an interesting one.

So that day, when he left the public library, you decided to follow him. You thought he might be going to a coffee shop, but he just was at the vending machine in the hallway.

"Hello there", you said. The boy turned back, but he looked side to side before paying attention directly to you.

"Are you talking to me?", he asked, puzzled.

"There´s no one else here except you", you answered. "Why do you carry your backpack with you just to take a break in the hallway?"

"I don´t want anyone to… steal my books"

"Cute. Are you a high-school student?", you smiled before asking, but he seemed embarrassed and confused. Anyway, he nodded. "And why don´t you study in your own school?"

"I prefer to be here. Is there any problem?"

"No, of course not. I was just curious", you said. "Do you mind if a sit next to you? I can´t concentrate by my own and you are always studying harder. Maybe I can learn something from you"

"It´s fine, I suppose"

He tried to smile, but it was more like an awkward grimace.

"I´m Y/N, by the way"

"Nice to meet you, Y/N. I´m Niragi"

"It´s my pleasure, Niragi"

Since that day, you changed your favourite desk in the public library to be in the same as Niragi. Most of the time you were just sitting there in completely silence, concentrated in your own notes. He was shy and everyday took him like half hour to get used to your presence. Either social skills were not his thing, or he was not used to interacting with girls.

In the coffee breaks were when you took advantage to know more about him. He was a high school senior and wanted to get good marks so he could go to the university the following year. This was your first year at the university, so you told him all about how your experience was. People, teachers, classes, environment… it was pretty different in comparison with high school, and he seemed hopeful at your description.

Ultimately, studying with Niragi was nice. You found yourself thinking that you even felt like going to the library every afternoon, far from the laziness you felt before. But everything changed the day you saw a bruised on his cheekbone. You noticed he didn´t want to look at you at all since you were sitting in front of him and you assumed that was the reason.

After nearly fifteen minutes of hesitation about what you should do, you grabbed him by the chin and forced his face upwards. He also had traces of dried blood next to his nose.

"What happened to you?"

"It´s nothing", he answered trying to hide behind his own hair.

"It doesn´t look like nothing"

He slapped your hand away from his chin and lowered his face again. It was strange because he has never been so rude before. And before you could say anything, he grabbed his backpack and his books and ran away. You went after him without hesitation after quickly gathering your things too.

"Hey, Niragi!", you called out in the hallway getting him to stop. He had no way of escape. "I didn´t want to bother you"

"I´m sorry. It´s my fault", he apologized, turning slowly towards you with his gaze fixed on his feet and his hands clenched into fists.

"No, it´s not", you answered a bit concerned. Anyway, you tried to sound calm. "Has anyone done this to you? Maybe a classmate?"

"No. It´s nothing", he insisted, but you noticed his weeping eyes. You were pretty sure that you spot on. So carefully, you took his hand between yours to get his attention.

"I know that we have fifteen minutes to get a coffee, but I think that, only for today, we should take a longer break"

"I-I´m not sure"

You smiled cheerfully.

"Trust me"

Niragi followed you tamely, but after ten minutes walking down the street, he started to get nervous. Even more when you entered in an apartment building.

"Where are we going?", he asked to you, but you waited to answer until you were in front of your door.

"To my house", you said while you opened it. "It´s not too much, but I can´t afford any more"

"Do you live on your own?"

"Getting a job while you are at college is not much fun, but it´s better than live with my father, that´s for sure", you explained briefly. "C´mon in. I don´t bite"

However, Niragi was suspicious. While you entered in the kitchen, he sat down in the sofa frowned. It was pretty obvious how uncomfortable he was.

"Why did you bring me here?", he asked you suspicious. "I-I shouldn’t be here. Maybe I´d better leave"

When you returned to the living room, you did so with a packet of frozen vegetables in your hand and interrupted his words.

"I don´t have ice, but it will work too", you sat down next to him and pointed to his bruised. "It seems recent, so cold will help. May I?"

Niragi opened his eyes in surprise, realising that you were trying to lend him a hand. He didn´t seem to be used to anyone helping him. And in a way, it was enough to calm him down a bit.

"Don´t worry. I can do it myself"

"It´s ok. I want to do it for you"

He smiled slightly and finally nodded. You remained silence for a few minutes to make him feel comfy while you took care of his bruise carefully. However, you needed to know what really had happened to him.

"So… do you have any problems at high school?", you asked him prudently, but Niragi was still reluctant to speak. "Stay quiet only helps bullies. It´s not beneficial to you"

"I-It´s nothing new. And I can´t do anything. I tried once, but it only got worse", Niragi mumbled. "I am only a few months away from graduation, I can bear it until then"

In that kind of situations, people used to say that you should talk with a teacher or an adult, but it is easier said than done. And as much as you would like to do something about it, you couldn’t force him to do something he didn´t want to.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I don´t want to be a nuisance, although, well, I am being one already", he muttered. As nervous as he still was, he dared to look you in the eyes. "Why are you so nice to me?"

"Because you are a nice guy, Niragi", you pointed out, setting aside the packet of frozen vegetables.

"We hardly know each other"

"Yeah, I actually know so little about you because you barely talk about yourself, and yet, I´m sure you deserve much better than this"

Your words were enough to make him blush. Damn, he was adorable. You liked his shyness and how easily he got nervous with little things. But he also was clever and pretty interesting if you give him the opportunity to get comfortable enough to talk openly. High school students weren´t really your type, but Niragi could be the exception.

When you put your hand up to his face, caressing his cheek softly, he seemed confused.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"W-What?", Niragi stammered as he shrugged his shoulders. "W-why do you want to know that?"

"Because I want to kiss you. If you want it too, of course."

He looked even more flustered than usual but, at least, he didn´t turn away from your touch.

"You don´t have to do that out of pity"

"It´s not like that", you assured him. "I do want to kiss you"

"But why would you do that?"

"Because I see you, Niragi. I really see you. And I like all what I see"

"I don´t… understand"

"Maybe one day you will"

You approached a bit more until there were only a few inches between your lips. And still caressing his cheek and his hair, you finally kissed him very softly. His mouth didn’t answer at first, but when you started moving your own lips, he did his best to follow your pace. It was obvious it was his first kiss because of his clumsiness, but you were glad to be his teacher. The only thing you wanted was to give him an excellent first kiss. And when you thought it was enough for the first time, you broke the kiss, adding some distance between both. Niragi kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds before opening them again. You couldn´t help but smile as you saw Niragi blinking repeatedly, still muddled.

"Was it good?"

"Yeah, I guess. No, I mean, of course", he responded helter-skelter, making you laugh.

"See? You are incredibly sweet"

This time, Niragi laughed too. And your heart beat faster when you saw a special shine in his eyes. At that very moment, you realized how much you loved seeing that boy happy. He was so beautiful. And you wanted to protect his kind soul.

"Can we do it again? I know I can do better"

"I will gladly repeat. As many times as you want"

***

By the time you closed the door of your apartment, Niragi had already left his backpack on the floor and was waiting for you to come closer to him.

"Seems like somebody is a bit eager"

"I´m sorry", he said, losing some of the self-confidence he displayed moments before. "I just…"

"I was just teasing you, Niragi"

You walked towards him and stood on tiptoe to get to his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck. He simply placed his hands gently on your waist and followed you to the couch. Niragi plopped down on the sofa and you straddle him. Since your first kiss, you decided to pick up Niragi everyday at the entrance of the library and walked together to your flat instead of staying there. You studied too but also had free time for you. You had started thinking that Niragi was trying to become a total expert in the whole kissing thing.

"Has been a good day at school?"

"Yeah, cool. Better now I´m here"

"I´m talking seriously, Niragi", you insisted, placing your hands on his chest to be able to look at him. "I want to be sure that you are alright"

"I know. And I appreciate it. But everything´s fine, Y/N"

"Well, I´m gonna try to believe you"

You continued kissing each other for a few. Your tongues were tangled and your saliva mixed. Niragi was a quick learner. When you bit his lower lip, he dug his fingers into your hips unconsciously.

"Do you want… more?"

"What do you mean?", he asked you in return, slightly frowned.

"I´m pretty sure you know what I mean. I can feel the bulge in your pants"

His face suddenly flushed and his hands left your body. Niragi even tried to push you into the sofa, embarrassed, but you reminded on top of him.

"I-I´m sorry. I-I didn´t want to make you feel uncomfortable"

"There´s nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I would be offended if your body didn´t react in this way", you joked, but Niragi was still amazed. "And if you want it, I´m ready to move to the next level"

"I don´t know if I´m… I mean, I don´t know what to do"

"I know you are unexperienced, Niragi, but it´s not a problem for me. I can guide you", you assured to him. "However, you have to be sure that you really want to do it"

"I want to do it, I guess"

"You guess?", you repeated after him. Niragi was so insecure that he could start trembling at any time, so you decided to lend him a helping hand. "We can go ahead and, if you regret it or feel uncomfortable, we can stop whenever you want"

Niragi hesitated for a few seconds before nodding almost imperceptibly.

"Yeah, good. I like how it sounds", he said in a tone of voice so low that it was difficult to hear.

You started kissing him again slowly to restore his confidence, but this time, it didn´t take you long until you moved your lips to his neck. You felt honoured to hear his low moans as you kissed that sensitive part of his body and guided his hands to your hips again. 

"Can I unbutton your shirt?", you asked him gently.

"Yes, it´s fine"

You did it one by one, and when it was done, you left his neck to take care of his bared chest. It was pretty sad to discover some bruises there too. Niragi tensed up as he noticed your gaze on them.

"There are not recent", he promised you in a hurry. Instead of answering, you took off your own shirt and showed him the scar near your shoulder.

"This is from the last day I saw my father", you explained to his visibly puzzled grimace. "I used to have some bruises too, but they will disappear and, eventually, you will heal. People who hurt you can´t control your life. You have so many wonderful things to live, Niragi. And those assholes can´t destroy you"

Words were not coming out of his mouth. He was completely focused on your scar. And without doubting, he came up to kiss it gently. You gasped and entangled your fingers in his hair, letting him freedom to continue kissing your skin and your neck. He was trying to copy what you have done on him before. God, you wanted to go step by step, but you also needed him so bad.

"Should we go to my bedroom?"

"Yeah, I would like that"

In the living room, Niragi was more secure about it than he was when he saw the bed in front of him. He even gulped nervously, so you take his hand gently and guided him to sit on one side of the bed. You stayed upright caressing his hair.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes"

"Do you want me to stop? We don’t have to rush things"

"No. I´m sure. I want to do this", he nodded. "I want to do it with you, Y/N"

"Okay then"

You took off his shirt and caressed his chest, arms and back. The tingling of your fingertips gave him goosebumps. All these sensations were completely new to him.

Then, you got on your knees and put your hands on his trousers. Before getting rid of them, you gave him a glance waiting to his consent. And Niragi nodded again. Once done, you got back on your feet and guided his fingers to your own pants, encouraging him to do something besides staring at you. And with just your underwear, he lay back as you climbed in top of him.

"Don’t look at me like I scare you"

"You don´t", he assured you. "I´m just nervous. I don’t want to disappoint you"

"Get that idea out of your head because there is no way you can disappoint me. If I see you are enjoying it, I´m going to do it too"

You both kissed for a while as your hands explored each other’s body. Niragi was so shy at first but ended grabbing your breast firmly. His breathing got heavier in the moment you stroked his crotch. You got rid of your underwear and continued moving your hand up and down his length a few times. He already was completely hard and pre-cum was shining in his tip.

"How could you keep this secret away from me?"

"What are you talking about?", he asked to you but got puzzled by your naughty smile.

"I´m talking about what you hid under your pants. You are huge"

And immediately, Niragi was blush again. A pride and subtle smile appeared on his face even so. Maybe it was the first time you saw him being proud of something about himself. After the sex, you might teach him what else he should be proud of besides his dick.

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, I´m just telling you the truth", you said. And when you rubbed his tip against your wetness, Niragi moaned. It was time. "Are you ready? For sure?"

"Yes, I am"

"Can you see right without your glasses?"

"Yes, for sure. I forgot about them", he said before taking them off and leaving them on the night table.

"And do you want to switch positions or something?"

"I´m good here", he answered. "And you look so pretty up there"

You smiled tenderly.

"You are the sweetest boy I ever met, Niragi"

You kissed him one more time before burring yourself in his length inch by inch. Niragi opened his mouth widely as he chocked a moan in his throat. Feeling himself completely inside of you was much more than what he could afford; the sensation was more amazing than he could have ever imagined. That´s why you gave him a few seconds to recover.

"Are you alright?"

"I have never been better"

"I´m glad to hear that"

You started moving your hips up and down slowly. His sonorous moans were music to your ears. And as you speeded up the pace, you ended up moaning too. You had wanted this since your first kiss and it was so pleasant it finally happened. His hands clung to your thighs at the same time you descended to taste his lips again. Niragi could barely kiss you back, but he did his best. Nevertheless, after a few minutes, you felt his muscles tightening. You knew what that meant.

"I-I think… I am…", he scarcely could talk.

"I know. And it´s okay. I really want to see you cumming, babe"

You caressed his hair and his chest as you quickened your pace as much as you could. Niragi looked directly into your eyes, the pleasure burning in his gaze and his moans filling the room. God, he was even cuter when he was such a mess.

"I love you, Y/N", he confessed in a gasp. "Damn, I…"

A louder moan prevented him from continuing to speak. As he cum, you stopped the movement of your hips gradually. And shortly afterwards, you moved from the top of Niragi to lay back in the bed next to him. You still caressed his chest with your fingertips, smiling as you observe his desperate attempts to catch his breath.

"Was it good?"

"Was even better. Better than anything", he answered, slowly turning his face to you with an exhausted smile. However, it didn't take long for him to change it to a worried grimace. "I have finished too fast, right?"

"It´s your first time. It´s normal"

"I´m sorry"

"Don’t apologize, dumbass", you refuted. "It has been great. I promise. And practice makes perfect"

You hugged him by the waist and left a warm kiss in his shoulder.

"So… that means we can repeat it some time?", he asked, paused.

"I would like to. But you have had enough for today", you concluded before sitting up in the bed.  Instantly you opened your arms and nodded your head at him, telling him without words to come closer to you. "Sex is amazing but cuddling after sex is stunning too"

Although a bit reluctant, Niragi decided to accept your offer and put his head over your bared chest. His arms slowly moved until he was hugged to your body and, a pair of minutes later, Niragi took a big breath of air and let it out slowly. You continued caressing his hair and his back, hoping he didn´t fall asleep.

"You were right. It feels good too", he mumbled.

"I know, baby"

His hands clutched at your body with need, as if he never wanted to let you go again.

"You are the best thing in my life, Y/N. No one has ever cared about me as much as you do"

"Is that why you said that you loved me before?"

Niragi gulped on account of your words. Probably he was trying to make like if that never happened, but it did.

"I´m sorry"

"Stop apologizing"

"But I have to. It has been out of place. I was feeling so many things a-and I said it out loud, but I´m sorry"

"I´m not annoyed", you assured. "But I need you to understand that I don´t feel the same. At least not yet. Right now, I love you as a friend; falling in love takes time"

"I get it", he said, but you noticed a slightly disillusionment in is his voice.

"However… it´s also true that you are the only person who has captured my interest in a long time. So, it´s possible that it means something"

Niragi didn´t believe that anyone could ever notice him. He thought that everyone despised him; that he deserved all the hate he got; that he was only a piece of trash. And he believed that all was his fault for being born twisted. But you had proved him wrong; you had shown him the love he never had. And Niragi could never wish for more.

"Like you said before… We don´t have to rush things", he murmured tentatively.

"Yeah, I agree"

***

Your day was being a complete disaster. You had a mentoring early at the morning, but it took longer than you expected and you were late for work. As a result, you had left later too and, by the time you arrived to the entrance of the public library, Niragi should have been waiting for you for more than half an hour. As you noticed that he wasn´t waiting for you sitting in the stairs, a group of teenagers a few meters away caught your eye.

"So, you were hiding from us, huh?", one of them laughed.

"I told you he was here, guys", another said.

"You don´t want to spend some quality time with us after classes? We always have so much fun, don´t you think, Niragi?"

It took you a few seconds to realize that one of them had Niragi by the shoulders. He was clearly uncomfortable and these five boys would be his classmates; his bullies. They turned down the street into an alleyway and you didn´t hesitate before following them. They were too busy pushing a terrified Niragi against the wall to notice you until you raised your voice.

"Here you are, guys! It´s so nice to finally have the opportunity to meet you"

Five pairs of eyes were on you at once. They looked confused, but Niragi quickly recognised you.

"Y/N, it´s fine. You should go", he made an effort to keep his voice from trembling.

Or he didn´t want you to see what they were going to do to him, or he was afraid that they might do something to you as well.

"Do you know who she is? It´s your girlfriend or something?", one of them asked him, moody. The only thing that stood out about him was his bright yellow t-shirt.

"Huh? How is this freak going to be dating such a beautiful girl?", another answered, walking towards you with a cocky smile on his face. "Is there any problem, sweetie? I can help you with whatever you need"

"So nice of you to ask", you smiled too. "The truth is that my day has been awful, but I´m so lucky that you are here to make it better"

Before he could say anything, you punched him straight in the nose, making him cry out in pain as the blood began to flow. Suddenly, you kneed him in the crotch and grabbed him by the hair before he could even react.

"I assume that you, dickhead, are the leader of this deplorable gang", you said near his face. "And I am the person you should have never crossed paths with"

"You crazy bitch. I´m gonna…"

You pulled his hair harder, forcing him to shut up.

"What are you gonna do, huh?", you asked, but didn´t obtain any answer. Then you took something out of your pocket and pressed it again that boy´s crotch. His eyes widened, frightened. "Yeah, you are right, it´s a knife. So you should listen to me carefully. If I ever see Niragi again with another bruise, I´m gonna cut your disgusting little dick before you could use it at least once in your entire pathetic life"

You saw the fear reflected in his face. He was terrified. You even thought that he could pee his pants any moment.

"Have you understood what I said?"

"Yes"

"Louder! Have you understood?!"

"Yes! Yes! I promise! I won´t do it again!"

You let him go with a shove moments later. And when you put your sight in the other four kids, they seemed to be petrified.

"The threat goes to all of you", you warned them. "Does anyone have anything else to say?"

Three of them bowed their heads submissively, but the one in the yellow shirt was reluctant yet.

"There are four of us and he is just a girl. We can handle her", he told to his friends, seeking their support.

"Planning to assault a girl in group. So brave, sweetie", you answered, smiling tenderly. "Anyways, I´m going to be nice and warn you that, before entering in this alleyway, I have called the police. I told them that five guys were following me down the street and I was so freaking scared. I suppose that, if they catch you, they won´t be as kind as I am being with you"

"You have kicked one of us! And threatened us!", he shouted. "I am the one who is going to report you to the police"

"It´s your word against mine; an innocent pretty little lady vs five good-for-nothing jerks. Are you sure that they are going to believe you?"

"I can´t go to jail. I´m too young", one of them complained.

"Me too. We should run"

"Maybe we can hide before police came here"

"Finally one of you says something coherent", you commented.

Moments later, without even bothering to say goodbye, they started running out of the alleyway, helping his injured leader to run as fast as them.

"Nice to meet you, guys! You were right, it has been a lot of fun with you all!", you shouted, hoping they could still hear you.

Only when you saw them turning the street, you paid attention to the person who had been in the background all this time. You were alone with Niragi, who was looking at you like if he didn´t know you. He seemed unable to process what had just happened.

"Have I gone too far with them?"

"What the… What have you done?", he finally asked, bewildered.

"I´m sorry. Maybe I should have asked you before doing anything by my own"

"You have threatened them with cutting his…", Niragi couldn't even finish the sentence. "Why do you have a knife?"

"It´s not a knife. It´s a comb. A pocket´s comb", you said, opening and showing it to Niragi. "But that moron was too scared to look at it. And I have sound pretty convincing"

And just like that, after a few seconds of absolute silence, Niragi did something you didn´t expected: he laughed. He laughed so hard he had to lean against the wall. You let him let it all out until, just a few minutes later, he managed to calm himself down.  You've never seen him laughing like this before. And the truth is, it was a bit strange.

"Are you feeling well?"

"Are you kidding me? It has been incredible! I´m feeling more than well", he assured you. "But, what about the police?"

"It was a lie too," you answered. "I knew they would be such cowards"

You went to your house like you supposed to do before the incident happened. Sitting on the sofa with a soda everything seemed better, but Niragi still had too many questions in his mind. He was amazed.

"They were terrified", he smiled, but his gaze soon fell upon you. "I didn´t knew you could be so… I don´t know. I couldn´t imagine you like that"

"Now you know. I guess that´s what happens when life isn´t fair with you. You learn some tricks", you mumbled. "If nobody is there for you, you must become your own saviour. And when you have so much hate inside, your soul gets dark and rotten. That’s why I wanted to protect you before yours was too broken"

"But I don´t want you to protect me, Y/N. I want to be like you. I don´t want anyone to be able to hurt me again"

Niragi was freaking out; seemed astounded. You have never seen him like that, so full of life. You could see it in his eyes; maybe you were too late to save his kind soul. Maybe it wasn´t so kind since the beginning.

"You have enjoyed it. You didn´t just want them to stop; you wanted to fight back, to make them suffer"

Niragi bowed his head as if he were ashamed of his own thoughts. Or maybe he wasn´t ashamed of his mind at all, he only didn´t want anyone to discover all the dark things that were on it.

"There's no reason for you to lie to me. I had tried to prevent you from seeing that part of me because I didn´t want to lose you. I know I´m not a good person, Niragi, but I have no regrets about the way I am", you confessed. "And back there, in the alleyway, when your classmates left and you were looking at me, I have noticed the bulge in your pants. The situation has turned you on"

Niragi flushed and his knuckles turned white from clenching his fists in his lap.

"I can´t say out loud what´s on my mind. I´m twisted. A disgusting freak"

"Society may reject people like us. People who are so fucked up inside that only want to see the world burn. But you can be genuine with me. No matter what you say or what you do, I will never run away from you. Your dark side doesn´t scare me, Suguru"

Niragi´s eyes were wet. He always had thought that he will always be alone, but he saw a part of himself reflected on you. For the first time in his lifetime, he had been lucky to have your paths cross. And without hesitation, Niragi hugged you vehemently and you hugged him back trying to comfort him.

"Don´t ever leave me, Y/N. Please, don´t go"

"I won´t. I promise"

You felt his tears in your cheek and you held him tighter, but you allowed him to let it all out by crying. Sometimes people just needed to have someone by their side; someone to love them no matter what, despite their shortcomings. And from now on, you were going to be there for Niragi just as he was going to be there for you. Neither of you would ever be alone again.

[nerdygaymormon]

Bishops Council

In my stake, twice a quarter the bishops get together with the stake presidency. I typically do not attend this meeting, but stake president invited me to come since one of the bishops had added "counsel with LGBT youth" as an agenda item.

The stake president has a gay son and is fully capable of speaking to this, but I appreciate that he wanted to include the point of view of someone who is queer.

When we got to this topic, the stake president shared a few slides I had sent him earlier based on some research done at Utah State University.

The stake president then spoke about things he has learned as the dad of a gay child. Primarily that it is his job to love, and his son is going to have his own journey. The things he has learned as the parent of a queer child has helped him be a better stake president.

One of the bishops shared that when he was newly called three years ago that I sent him an email with 10 suggestions. He keeps that email bookmarked and has referred to it several times over the years. It helped him understand his role and that he could be confident in meeting with queer individuals and help them feel seen, loved, and valued. Then he read the list while wiping away tears, and I also was moved to tears to hear him share how impactful these suggestions were for him

David's list of 10 suggestions for bishops

All LGBT members need a trusted adult in their life who loves, supports and sustains them, no matter which path they choose.

When someone “comes out” they should be greeted with love, validation and hope, not a lecture on repentance or reminder of the Church’s stance on same-sex marriage  

Create a safe culture for the LGBT person. This could include speaking to youth and YSA about what sort of conversation their bishop would have with them if they come out, that it’s okay if now is not the right time to come out, and there is no shame to the person or their family if they are gay/trans. There's a good chance there's some LGBT people in your ward, even if you don't know who they are.

Don’t use words like “struggling” or say they’ll be “fixed” in the resurrection

Our Heavenly Parents love their LGBT children, we should give them unconditional love and support and recognize they will bless the lives of others

LGBT individuals are more likely to be the victims of bullying and violence than any other minority group in the USA. Be on the lookout for youth or young adults who may be doing & saying unkind things.  

Know the signs of suicide and depression. LGBT people are at much higher risk. It’d be a good idea for youth leaders to have some training in this.

Encourage them to pray and ask if God loves them as they are 

Especially before or after lessons about marriage, say something like “I know there are people in this ward who cannot be married because of same-sex attraction or other reasons. I love you, and the Lord has a plan for you.”

Know that studies show that being active in the LDS church is often detrimental to the mental health and quality of life for LGBT people. For a person’s well-being, they may decide they need a break. Make sure they know they’re welcome to come back.

I then blurted out, "I'm gay, just in case anyone didn't know." A counselor in the stake presidency said, "Duh, we all know you're a happy guy."

Another bishop shared that he has a child who recently came out as trans and is in their first semester of college. This child hasn't fully discussed this with the family but is using this time away to experiment with what feels right to them. He loves this child and wants them to be their best and to be comfortable with themselves and it's taking some adjustments for him to understand and change his dreams for them.

Then my bishop shared that I had given him the same 10 suggestions when he was first called and he feels it has helped him be successful as a bishop to queer youth. He shared an incident that happened recently which involved a young women leader overhearing part of a conversation between two teens. He didn't share the specifics of the discussion other than it was about being gay. The leader was uncomfortable with what she heard and spoke about it at ward council.

Another bishop commented, "Oh yes, ward council, that's the right place to discuss that" as he rolled his eyes.

The stake president said a better approach would've been for the leader to ask the girls to share more with her, to be open to a conversation with them, rather than run to the ward council to share how shocked and uncomfortable she was.

I thought it was a good discussion even though I wound up saying very little. I had prepared some thoughts ahead of time that I could use as reference, and I sent them by email to the bishops (see below).

————————————————————

There are queer individuals who attend our congregations, many of whom aren't out to everyone, and so you speak to queer people even if you don't know who they are.

We are children of God, we deserve to hear good news, to have hope, to feel loved. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen often enough in church settings. People who interacted with Christ left feeling uplifted and that would be a good goal for us.

In 2019, the former stake president said this in Bishops' Council: LGBT individuals are some of the most patient people you’ll ever meet. They’ve heard more hurtful words than most any of us will hear in our entire lifetime. That doesn’t mean they’re immune to the words. There are LGBT members who come to church and they deserve to hear good words, to be welcomed and loved and be strengthened in the gospel.

Handbook 38.6.15 The Church encourages families and members to reach out with sensitivity, love, and respect to persons who are attracted to others of the same sex. The Church also promotes understanding in society at large that reflects its teachings about kindness, inclusiveness, love for others, and respect for all human beings.

Handbook 38.6.23 Transgender individuals face complex challenges. Members and nonmembers who identify as transgender—and their family and friends—should be treated with sensitivity, kindness, compassion, and an abundance of Christlike love. All are welcome to attend sacrament meeting, other Sunday meetings, and social events of the Church

When my bishop was first called, a member of the ward asked me if I thought the new bishop would be safe to meet with and share his orientation. I sent the bishop an email to find out and received this beautiful response:

David, Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope that the Spirit can guide me to treat LBGTQ members and investigators with love and respect. I’m not sure what your journey has been, but I would guess that it has included anguish, heartbreak and innumerable unintentional and even some intentional wounds. As far as I am aware, I am the only person called to be a judge in the ward, and I believe that office is to help everyone come to Christ, not send any away. I may not fully appreciate how or which traditions and traditional phrases may carry messages of exclusion, but I am open to learning a better way. I hope that I can “make the pathway bright” for LBGTQ members and friends. In hope, Bishop

One of the scariest parts of coming out is not knowing how the other person will respond. The previous stake president at a youth fireside shared how he would react if a person met with him and shared that they are LGBTQ.

I would thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.

If you're willing, I'd like for you to share with me some about your journey up to this point.

I would offer to give you a blessing.

Regardless of whether you accepted or declined the offer of a blessing, I'm a hugger so I'd ask if I can give you a hug.

I'd invite you to come see me again when you want to talk some more.

Questions many LGBTQ+ members would welcome from their church leaders (these come from the fourth option)

What does being LGBTQIA+ mean for you at this time?

What has been difficult about being an LGBTQIA+ member of the church? What's been fulfilling?

What do you want your future to look like?

What do you believe or want to believe?

What revelation have you received, if any, about your path in life?

What's on your mind related to your sexuality or gender identity and faith?

How has being queer influenced your relationship with Christ?

How can we best support you?

Do you feel safe in our congregation? What can we do to make it safer?

Has anyone said or done anything to make you feel unwanted in the ward?

From what you've observed so far, how can we improve as a ward?

How would you like to be involved in the ward?

What callings would you feel comfortable with?

What skills would you like to use to contribute to our ward? 

What else would you like me to know?

Things ward & stake leaders can do (also from the fourth option)

Pray for guidance on how to make your ward safer and more inclusive for LGBTQIA+ members (out or not)

Call LGBTQIA+ members to callings in a range of auxiliaries

Invite LGBTQIA+ members to share their experiences in fifth Sunday lessons, firesides, ward councils meetings, etc

Encourage your stake to call an LGBTQ fellowship coordinator

Speak to LGBTQIA+ members over the pulpit and in lessons (move away from the "use vs. them" mentality; show that we're part of every ward, out or not)

Include LGBTQIA+ members in discussions about ministering and and outreach

Regularly check in with us to see if anyone is making us feel unsafe

Get to know us personally

Wear a rainbow pin or similar thing to indicate that you're an ally

Speak in support of LGBTQIA+ people and help others remember that we are children of God

Ask your ward or stake to start a support group for LGBTQIA+ members, families, and allies (volunteer to help if possible)

Pray for guidance on how to best minister to LGBTQIA+ individuals in your ward

Pray for God to reveal more about His plan for His LGBTQIA+ children

Correct people when they say uninformed or hateful things

Listen to our stories, sit in our pain, celebrate our joy

Studies show that on average gay men (and I suspect this is true of queer people in general) are more creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence, have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Of course someone with these qualities is going to bless the lives around them.

We have a stake group for LGBTQ members, and their family, friends and allies, which meets about every other month. For more information, contact me.

[mushroommanstan]

university!au please!! infamous!shiggy with average s/o 🤼‍♀️ pls i

Oh anon, how did you know I’ve been wanting to write a college au Shig for a while? You must be psychic or something, very impressive!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creepy Tenko Part One:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, I know you want the smut and shit but there’s a few things about Tenko that make him so infamous.

First off, his backstory. Basically, he was kidnapped by AFO as usual, but he was rescued by heroes this time a few months after. Unfortunately, a lot of damage had already been done.

The heroes were embarrassed as hell that they took so long to save him, and as a publicity act, paid to put him through elementary school, middle school, high school and hell even college. The big package.

Because of that, his entry was guaranteed since he was like 6. Obviously, this is gonna turn some heads.

Now this guy was infamous around campus for many reasons. For starters, growing up murdering his family and spending a summer with your local serial killer is gonna be the headline of his life. Everyone knows about that, and he doesn’t even deny it.

Also, because of that experience he has major ptsd and schizophrenia, causing a few tiny violent outbursts throughout his childhood. But it’s fine, he’s medicated now… most of the time.

He’s also very aloof, not talking to anyone if he can help it. He’s used to bullying, and at this point has pretty much given up making any friends. He’s so used to people being scared of him, just like his old master said, that he kind of embraces it, not even trying to hide when he stares at people for hours on end.

Oh yeah, and the stares. This guys got a dark ass aura. His blazing red eyes burn a hole in the back of the women he stares at. He’s a smart guy, he doesn’t need to pay attention to the whole lesson to get the gist. So lucky him, he can spend the rest of the class period staring at some chick while discreetly touching himself under the desk. Make eye contact with him if you dare.

The thing that completely tanked his reputation however, was when one guy got pissed at him for making goo-goo eyes at his girlfriend all day. He stopped him on his way to his dorm, punching him which made him stumble.

Something flew out of his hoodie pocket, and the man picked it up, students gathering around as he faced poor Tenko.

Tenko looked mortified, tears gathering in his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at his attacker. He was looking at his stolen object. The assailant hadn’t gotten a good look at what he was holding, and by the look on the freaks face it meant something to him.

The other students who gathered around screamed, some running to hurl in the nearby trash cans. When he finally looked at what he was holding it took him a good second to figure out what it was.

It was cold and grey. Fleshy with a golden back and… fingernails. Wait… was that… oh my god.

He yelled throwing the detached hand into the air, Tenko diving to catch it. He could feel himself losing control, his old senseis voice overtaking his brain and making his whole body shiver. He-he needed to calm down.

Tenko rose, pressing the cool hand into his face as he took deep breaths. He stopped trembling, and for a second, even with the screaming and yelling and trampling, everything was calm.

Obviously he got in trouble for having a murder scene victim’s body part in his possession, but Tenko knew from experience that no matter whatever bullshit they tried to scare him with, they couldn’t expel him.

He was like a mascot for the heroes’s new scholarship program. No way they would let him get expelled just because he kept a memento of his lost family. So, like always they payed them off. But the students remembered, and the guy who held the disembodied hand needed therapy.

So, not only was he a creep who got off to pictures of feet in the bathroom during homeroom, he also was a creep who kept a souvenir of his first murder victim with him at all times. Weird weird weird.

And then you came along.

He didn’t think much of you, that was, until you decided to sit down in one of multiple empty seats bordering his desk. No one ever sits this close.

Well… he had to admit… you were pretty. With your silky (h/c) hair, and your brilliant eyes, and your juicy, plump…. Eh-hum, personality.

He couldn’t stop himself from staring, not like he tried. You’ll learn soon enough that he’s a creep, and then he’ll be alone again. Yep. All on his own. Terrific.

His eyes bore into you, not just in one place but all over. Scanning over your body and memorizing every detail. From this close he could truly see how smooth and soft your skin was. And he could smell your perfume. What was that, lilac?

“Oh, do you like the perfume? I just got it! It’s lilac!”

Shit. You must have a mind reading quirk. He could feel his face growing bright red at the idea of you seeing the foul things he imagined in the last minute or so.

Truthfully you only knew because you could hear him sniffing the air like a puppy exploring a grassy field for the first time.

As the class went on you looked at him occasionally, not flinching whatsoever at the intense eye contact he returned. You had to admit… he was pretty cute. With eyes like those he should be the center of attention yet here he is sulking in the back of the class. Well, whatever, not your business.

The professor droned on about who knows what, making the both of you slump over your desks with boredom. You were praying for an oasis in the midst of this dry, dull desert of a classroom, when you heard a familiar sound.

Beep-boop, boop bleep!

You could recognize that sound anywhere! That was… that was…

You had to stop yourself from slamming your hands on the table in shock. The cute guy sitting next to you was playing the limited edition “Super Hero Adventure Deluxe” for the gameboy advance. (Not an actual game I think)

Aka, the only game in the Super Hero Adventure franchise you had yet to play. The one you had scoured EBay for forever. Holy shit, marry me!

You couldn’t help yourself, despite not knowing this guy in the slightest you pressed yourself into his shoulder, scaring the shit out of him and causing almost everyone to stop and look at you. You looked down at the pixelated screen, currently being death gripped by gloved hands as your cheek smushed against his fluffy black hair.

Tenko could feel his body shutting down from the inside. The sudden physical contact, the fact it was from a hot girl, and the realization she had an interest in his favorite game was all too much. Everyone watched as he pushed you away, screaming at you to stay away from him with some fairly colorful language.

Your expression darkened, and you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. Having used to people tucking in their tail, he had to say he was not at all prepared for this. He didn’t actually want to fight you, he just wanted you to back off! … don’t make him fight you, you’re the first girl to touch him in years.

You both held intense eye contact for what felt like forever, but in reality was for only a second.

“You do not talk to me like that. Understand?”

Oh boy. Oh-ho-ho BOY you were awakening something in him he didn’t know he had. His face turned tomato red and his ire-filled glare turned into a soft gaze filled with child-like wonder. Not being able to speak he shakily nodded, hand raising up to feel along the one gripping his shirt. His fluffy hair bounced a little as he nodded.

You let go, returning to your seat with a huff and turned your head, and you were met with the utterly shocked faces of your classmates. They looked at you like you had just slain a dragon.

Meanwhile Tenko said nothing, face still completely red as his foggy mind spent the rest of class processing these new feelings that came up. The way you touched him, the way you scolded him! It was so… mean. So entitled. So dominant.

He wants more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Believe me, I will be doing a part two! Thanks again for the ask, it finally gave me the kick in the pants I needed to write this!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This is a personal post about boarding school experience and its later effects in life. It will be under keep reading so anyone can scroll over it if they don't want to read it. It's mostly for me and the need to express the thoughts I've been having and I need an outlet for that.

I've been reading once again about boarding school syndrome all day since this morning. I don't know why I do this to myself. Why I feel the need to go back to all that as if to check if all the damage is still there. Or like a way to pity myself and then to hate it for feeling sorry for myself once again. It's a cycle. I must have remembered something last night before falling asleep because I found myself today at 10 am reading a research paper on it and then looking up testimonials in reddit.

But the thing is, most of the research is done on English boarding schools and as much as the overall experience is similar, there are so many nuances in the differences that exist.

I vividly remember looking out the window and watching my parents get in the car and leave. It was Sunday evening and they had the car parked on a smaller street in downtown where I was left to stay. The next day was the first day of school and I was 11, starting 5th grade.

I read that in cases of children going to boarding school, a lot of them remember in detail the moment the separation took place. And it's true even if it's been almost 20 years since then. That's when my stomach issues began. Of course the cause was emotional stress, but that didn't stop from going to medical clinics weekly to do full check ups when any adult should have realized that I was just homesick. The year after, I began to feel nausea each Monday morning. I used to beg my parents to postpone my return as much as possible so I would only leave home on Monday and arrive an hour before classes would start. For five years I went to school in the afternoon. The nausea became a constant. I would complain on that day, hoping my mother would tell me that I don't have to go to school. But I couldn't understand at that time that my mother was emotionally unavailable and had no idea how to deal with her daughter's real needs.

But I kept going and as years went by, I got used to it and it felt easier by the time I finished high school. When I was already in college, I had forgotten half of my experience and I would gloss over what happened. I would act proud of how fast I had become independent, without needing any help, as if that was a good thing.

Of course that at some point I slowly started to realize that not everything went that well, but either way, that perhaps it was worth the sacrifice if I manage to do something well professionally. Eight years of boarding school meant sacrifices and financial investment. For me to go to the most prestigious middle school (I had to take an English exam for 5th grade, that was unheard of at that time in any other school!), then to the most prestigious high school to receive the best grades which would help to get into the most prestigious university so I can study exactly what I want because by then I found my passion. And I was encouraged. So I worked for it for more than a decade because all the pain had to have been worth it. Yes, parts of life sucks, but perhaps a uni position while I teach and research would compensate for it. But it never did and that entire plan fell to pieces because life doesn't work how I wanted to.

So was all that worth it in the end? Absolutely not.

For years I would think and say that I never suffered bullying in school because my colleagues were nice and for the most part, I had nice experiences. And that's still true. While at the same time forgetting that I also had that other life in boarding school where 17-18 year girls found abuse a form of entertainment.

Bullying is such a common occurence but it gets worse in boarding school because you can't get to any space that feels safe. You can't get home to your own room and to your own parents who might notice something and intervene. In boarding school you have to sleep in the same room and next to the same bed as your abusers. You take showers next to them, hoping that nothing happens. It's living in constant fear.

All my emotional mechanisms have developed during those years, especially between the ages of 11-13. I quickly learned to avoid any type of conflict because that would mess up whatever aparent peace that existed from time to time. I learned that speaking up and telling the adults responsible meant that I was in more danger.

As adults, those who went through the boarding school experience have trouble maintaining relationships. We become self sufficient because we had to. There was no help so we learned to take care of ourselves. Consequently, we don't need other people, especially if we know they will eventually abandon us. Of course attempts are made because it's in our nature. I've lost friendships because rather than making myself heard and to be an active participant in a relationship, I distanced myself. It's easier than to speak because there's a risk that the other person would certainly decide to break the friendship. Avoid conflict at all costs, even it rots everything from the inside. I'm still actively doing this.

When I told my therapist about these experiences (which I don't think I'll talk about in detail here), she used the word trauma. To this day, I have a hard time accepting it. Because deep down I still don't believe that my experience was that bad to be labeled that way. It's not real trauma if nothing really actually "bad" happens.

It's only bad enough that it infiltrated and influenced all aspects of my entire life. From personal relationships to professional. The latter I used to think it was independent and untouchable of all the things I had going on personally. But of course to realize as an adult that the need for perfection, the impostor syndrome, all are a result of never feeling good enough which stems from the initial abandonment.

I find it hard to accept that some decisions taken 20 years ago without me having any real say in it (I was asked and I said yes because my parents know best) and the consequent experiences that I had to go through have negatively influenced my entire life. For many years I never looked at aspects of my life, thinking that something is not well and should be investigated. I was busy in my 20s with other thoughts without realizing the root cause of why I was doing some things. But by the time that decade was over, it's like everything is crashing down. Piece by piece. Every single aspect of my life had been fucked by that thing my therapist calls trauma.

[dreamy-love222]

Guys I realised I didn’t share a lot of general information about myself. (Tw:abuse (sexual physical emotional) bullying/ sexualised child)

So here I go.

I am a 19 year old girl who lived through a lot but still have high hopes and dreams for the future.

Every day Is a struggle but I try not to think much of it.

I used to have severe ptsd! Nightmares, wetting the bed, flashbacks. This goes back to the torture, mental emotional physical and sexual abuse I went through by the hands of my babysitter. Her boyfriend too on a handful of times.

My mom was super busy in Tunisia. She was a general in the military, a hematology biologist (doctor) and a professor in the university of medicine of Tunis. She is a beautiful woman that is super successful in all areas of life! Super hardworking! Always was a straight a student! She inspired me to work hard. My moms only weak point is that she has a hearing disability, this hearing disability made it so that she didn’t hear my screaming and crying when I was getting abused, my live in nanny was also super strategic about how she inflicted pain so that there wouldn’t be marks left on me or it wouldn’t be visible. Like for example cutting my nails too short or cutting the skin of my foot with nail clippers so that when I would walk I would feel pain with every step I take. She would withhold food. One time she burnt me with hot oil on my right arm and pretended it was an accident. Or she would throw me in the bathtub and alternate between hot and cold water to burn and make me feel super cold. It was so horrible.

Anyway. That abuse lasted for a full month then she went to jail for child neglect and grand theft from us.

Let’s talk about my dad. My dad is a super successful surgeon. In orthopaedic paediatric surgery. He specialises in the lower half of the body but he can do anything he’s given. He’s also is my role model and hero. I was always in awe whenever we see his old patients and they thank him and almost kiss the ground he walks on. They showed him with gifts. Expensive Chocolate. Little notes from the children. Handmade gifts. Champagne we end up giving to friends because we don’t drink alcohol. Or smoke. Or do drugs. My parents are strict about those things. We know that alcohol is super harmful for health (neurotoxicity) and you don’t need alcohol to have fun. Perfumes… cute mugs with things like “I am the best surgeon in the world” from little children.

But the thing with my dad is that he was absent. He worked abroad in France Paris since I was almost 3 years old. He went to Paris in 2007. I was born in January 2005. He left my brother a months old baby when he went to work in Paris. He came to visit and when he did I would have so much fun with him I would have total meltdowns when he would have to go. I would cry convulse on the floor hold on to his ankle for dear life.

“Daddy please don’t go, please don’t leave me”

Mom was there for us but like I said she was busy with work so she would need Nannies to take care of us. Most of them were lovely but it only took one to ruin my life!

I lived through my dad working abroad as if it was an abandonment from him. So I was always thinking of it and was extremely sad. I would daydream about scenarios where we would have daddy daughter dates. In school.

Also I was recently diagnosed with adhd. So all of my school experience made sense. I went to school at 4 years old. People were 2 years older than me. And that made it hard for me to make friends. But I did get good grades in the first 3 years. I was bullied but it wasn’t anything serious. I was a picky eater and didn’t like the school lunches. But they forced us to eat so I ended up hiding food in my pockets to get out of the nosey lunchroom and sit in the playground under a tree so I can do my favourite thing ever daydream and draw.

I would always stand up in class because I simply couldn’t sit down and concentrate. Teachers always say to my mother that I need to get checked out that I am not concentrated and when they say “earth to Sarra! Sarra! Why are you not paying attention!”

I would respond with: “I just want my daddy to pick me up at the end of the day. Like everyone else.” “I miss my daddy” “I want to eat dinner with daddy” “I want to hug my daddy” I had no filter like most children. So the teachers started to pity me.

Anyway at age 7. I had that nanny. And I started to daydream more than ever before. Wondering how my daddy would have protected me. How strong he was compared to that vicious woman. How he would save me from it all. At first I tried fighting, screaming for help. But mom had limited hearing. So no one came to save me. My brother was younger and would still be in the kindergarten when this would happen. Or sleeping. She always treated my brother with so much care. I don’t know why she hated me but she did.

This led me to become even more closed off and conditioned me to freeze in fight or flight situations. My reaction became always freeze. She drilled it into my mind that my mom would punish me if she ever knew a thing. But soon enough I started forgetting that those things happen. I just knew I hated being around my nanny and I would always want to stay with my mom. My mom didn’t understand and she was helping a student with her thesis. So she would go to cafes and help her out with medical research and basically manage her during this important step in her education. Good for her but this meant me getting abused more. When she touched me when I am sleeping for the first time I peed because I was so scared. This made her so mad that she would give me the hot and cold water punishment. But I preferred that over getting sharp pencils inside me….

Anyway I started peeing whenever I get touched without me being warned in one way or another. This made all the kids make fun of me. I would start crying for no reason. I would bleed through my clothes because of the sexual abuse. (To this day I still wondered how the teachers didn’t say a thing to my mom about this? So many adults failed me.)

Yeah I became the weird girl that pees herself when she gets touched and some boys would just do it for fun they would startle me and I would wet my clothes and they would start laughing. I became a circus attraction.

My school was the most prestigious elementary and middleschool in Tunisia. And my class stayed the same each year. So the students all knew my past issues with the bleeding and the accidents. So no one would want to befriend me. People knew I was well off so they would borrow toys my dad got me from France . 3D Books also bought from France . Play Mobil legos. Really fancy Barbies. My nice pens. I remember there was this bendable long pink pencil that I lent but didn’t get back I was so sad. Whenever someone asked me for my snack money (during 10am and 4pm we have snack breaks) I would gladly give them my money or my snack. I was always brought up to be kind even to those who wronged me. “Always be the bigger person Sarra” my dad would always say

But people quickly noticed that. So they abused that facet of my personality. To the point where my mom would ask me to not act like that anymore.

In the later years I also got bullied a lot. I got my fair share of heartbreak. And I got sexually and physically and mentally abused by a bully classmate. And physically and mentally abused by a few others.

He wasn’t in my class so it would happen during tutoring sessions under the table. After or before tutoring sessions in the stairs. He would always rip my cute tights and get his nasty hands under my skirt and dresses. He would make me touch him. And when he was in front of me he would take off his shoe and use his dirty foot. I would never forget how dirty I would feel after these private group tutoring sessions with my teachers. How they didn’t realise something was going on is beyond me but that’s beside the point. I would cry so hard before each session begging my mom not to go. But she just thought that I didn’t want to study.

This isn’t even the worst part this child on child abuse happened from age 9 to 12. At age 11 I think I got my period and started going through puberty and getting body hair. Ofc a Little girl shouldn’t have to shave or anything. So after summer break he started touching me again under the table. And I would never forget his face of disgust. The shame I felt was endless. All I can think of is. Why touch me if you won’t like what you even touch. And why me.

See I was getting used to being called a fatty a fat cow a whale. A bunny (I used to have protruding teeth but honestly it wasn’t even that bad kids are cruel) (despite being a bit chubby I was a very cute kid. You’d never guess what I went through when you look at family pictures ) but now I have to listen to the boys calling me a gorilla and a man. I started plucking my hair with my own fingers and sometimes I would pick skin with it. It was so bad I had open wounds all over my private parts. One time I used my mom’s wax that I heated up a lot and I burnt myself. And my mom was so upset with me she forced me to show her the burn. I had some kind of panic attack because I didn’t want her to see my private parts.

Thankfully I don’t have scars from all of this but it was a hard time in my life.

The physical bullying stopped because a student was expelled forever from all schools because he tried to choke me to death. He was much bigger than me and he held me by my neck while choking me until i passed out. This was after school

By sheer luck a cleaning lady saw what happened and he got into a lot of trouble for that. It was up to my mom if he would get expelled. The grandma of this kid told my mom that his mother is absent and she works in France and that his dad died when he was 9 months old and that’s why he was so angry. Still this doesn’t excuse almost killing a little 10 year old girl.

Let’s talk self harm. I started doing it when I was 9. I did it on and off until the age of 19. I stopped because I want to be able to donate blood someday.

I used a compas the first time. On my wrist. I was so mad I screamed in my pillow and I just started stabbing then cutting my wrist. I felt so much relief. That I started doing it regularly. When my mom found out she took pics and sent them to dad. They both didn’t know what to do. And I think context here is super important. I Tunisia self harm is seen as a thing crazy people and criminals do. My parents when they were residents and externs in the er they would get criminals that would have cuts everywhere. So seeing their daughter like that and not having the mental health expertise despite doing internships in psychiatry In Tunis made them scared shitless. So they took away all sharp objects. So I started using my nails.

When I changed middleschool, During my last year in Tunisia,I decided to make a persona. Confident. Funny. Charming…. I never was a mean girl and I stood up to those who were bullied. I took my role very seriously. I was 13 and 72kg then. My weight distribution was good and slim thick was all the rage so I was « conventionally attractive » I had a huge ass that in PE I would get told to cover up my body because I would work out in skin tight clothing ugh. Boys would slap my ass and run. I went from being seen as the weird overweight girl. To the attractive popular « slut » all the boys would call me a slut. And the thing is I made it worse because I would say. « If wearing clothes I like and being confident makes me a slut then so be it. I am a slut then. » boys wanted to date me. There were rumours about me kissing boys and having sex in the bathroom. All of my friends were mean girls that I convinced to not be mean anymore but they were fake friends and would also borrow other stuff like my expensive clothes, expensive perfumes and Victoria secret mists and glosses. I discovered that I was really good at singing and English. I would get the perfect grades in music and English. At that time I admired my parents so much but I thought I wouldn’t be able to do medschool. That I wasn’t good enough in sciences. So I wanted to be a performer. I was still being seen as weird and supervisors would tell me I need to lose weight and that it’s ugly to be the way I was. But I stood my ground and I said I liked my body the way it is (LIAR!!!)

This persona crumbled down when I came to France. I hated being seen as a sexual object and being popular didn’t do me any good. Being the sexual object of the school wasn’t nice at all. So I decided to drop all of it and try to be invisible. I felt so lonely in France because we didn’t have our extended family here. So I kept using food for comfort and maladaptively daydreaming. Until I reached 92kg within the first months of coming to France. When I saw that number I screamed and almost ripped out my hair I hit the walls I never felt so much mental pain in my life. I wasn’t slim thick I was fat. FAT FAT FAT FAT!!!!! I remembered each time I was called a fatty a fat cow a whale. I remembered when I was told no one would marry me if I was overweight (ironic coming from a fat married woman) I felt that enough was enough.

so I decided to stop eating. I would buy drawing material and mangas with my lunch money. And I started losing weight.

I came in the middle of the school year and my parents decided to put me two grades below my actual grade so I returned to being with people my age but I saw this as a failure. I finished this school year skipping lunches and eating light dinners and I lost about 20kg. My parents were so proud of me. I felt happy. I didn’t even know what an eating disorder actually was.

The Next year, I changed middle schools and my parents entered me in the school lunch program. And there is nothing I hate more than wasting food. I was always brought up to finish what’s on my plate. I had a dilemma during The first lunch I had. It was either look weird by not taking any food and waste my parents money. Take food then throw it away and waste my parents money. Or eat it. And… my social anxiety (I used to have it back then) wouldn’t let me do something that would be out of the ordinary. I had a mental blockage in front of the food. I was looking at it for what feels like an eternity. Then when I started eating I couldn’t stop. I ate everything. My stomach hurt. And I do not know how I got the idea to make myself vomit but I did. And it felt like I cracked the code. I figured it all out. I can be thinner and still eat. I wasn’t discrete at all the first 3 times I did it because after that day I did not stop binge purging and purging at all.

I started going upstairs in secret so that no one could hear me purge.

I actually made real friends this time and they all like drawing so we would draw together. But this bulimia situation was getting out of control. In one year I went from 72 to 62. And this is because I didn’t know how to purge properly so I would still absorb the food.

Little by little I started learning how to do it successfully. And I was hooked since the first day I did it.

This was a very hard time in my life because I started remembering what happened to me when I was younger (I had amnesia) so I would have insomnia then nightmares and flashbacks in the shower…. It was horrible. Despite me making friends and all I was suffering and I didn’t say a word.

When I opened up about my purging my mom told me to just stop it and that it wasn’t healthy and my dad told me that I was lying and I didn’t actually have an eating disorder and that I was making it up for attention. So I continued purging.

At first I would only purge lunch. Then I started purging dinner. Then purging breakfast if I do eat it. At some point was purging everything I put in my mouth. At first I was purging because I ate. Then I started eating so I can purge.

The time I spent in the bathroom would get longer and longer. I started using gloves. Purge buckets purging in public (always carried cups with me just in case) if I can’t find a bathroom. Purging in my balcony in buckets….

It became my whole life.

Then I lost my maternal grandpa (stroke) and my paternal grandma (breast cancer) that broke me mentally.

I also was hospitalised on two different occasions for months on end which led me to lose 2 years and have to repeat two years. So I will graduate highschool at age 20.

But things started to get better (not my eating disorder that only got worse with time) I got diagnosed with ADHD. With medication I got excellent grades in all the subjects! With emdr I got rid of my nightmares and flashbacks. I can think about the abuse in a neutral way without it ruining my whole day. Recently I did this super important internship in Math license in Uni and got a diploma. Everything was going great. Until I got raped the 7th of July (fingered grinded on and forced to suck his cock). And then I got my 9/20 that I am contesting because I have a right for a second correction.

Anyway… they found my rapist and he will go to jail and I will get justice for the first time in my life.

I want to be a plastic surgeon that helps people with a smile although I won’t smile much in the operating room that would be creepy (imagine the colleagues seeing your eyes as you smile under the mask!!!! “What’s so funny about cutting up a person, Sarra” ahah… smiling is reserved for consultation only)

If you made it till the end. Thank you for reading. I hope it was interesting to get to know me . And if you need to vent or something or talk to me about your life I would love to listen to you.

[mikuni14]

Sugar Dog Life Ep 2-3 There's practically nothing going on in this series in terms of romance, I don't even feel any chemistry or anything between the MLs, and yet I really enjoy watching it - mainly because of Isumi 💖 What a cute and charming character, the actor is just just perfect. He's not only charming in appearance, with his big eyes and sweet face, but he's also a great character, so ineresting and lively. I love his inner voice, he's like the best seiyuu who can perfectly convey all emotions with his voice, and who is also naturally comical. I love all the sounds he makes, his "tch" 😒 "uuaahh" 😧 and stuff. Tanaka Koki as Isumi is 10/10. The funny thing is, I ship him more with his schoolmate who he's constantly fighting with lol. I genuinely like this show, I don't even care about the romance tbh, probably because it's non-existent anyway and I didn't have time to get invested, like in I hear the sunspot 😄

Cosmetic Playlover - Ep 4-6 I also like this series, the MLs have intense, interesting lives, their careers, I also like how their romantic and work lives are shown with all the good and bad things. I like how the pride, ethic and commitment to work and support in a good team are shown but also the toxicity of relationships between envious coworkers, bullying, overworking, building their careers, ect. I really like how they talk to each other a lot, how they screw up but apologize and try to explain themselves. I like how they discuss themselves, their feelings, their relationship. I like that uke is not shown as a helpless doll to be possessed and controlled by a "perfect" seme who seems to know everything. I like how they are different from each other and how this relationship works for them despite these differences, how they try to understand and complement each other. I like watching their efforts to make their relationship happen and work. I REALLY liked that a character writes a sincere, emotional text to their beloved and SENDS IT. In 99% of these types of scenes, someone writes a heartfelt text about their feelings and then deletes it, creating another drama...

I'm praising this series now because the trailer suggests that the next episode will suck and all their healthy communication will go to hell in the name of the most hated tropes ever, like "noble sacrifice" and "I know what's best for you without asking you about it" lol But for now - this is a really nice little series 😊

Takara's Treasure - Ep 7-8 I'm still fascinated/mortified by this relationship and how it's presented. Takara, who is perfectly aware and in tune with his feelings, his experiences, traumas, needs. He can identify and name what he feels, as well as control himself and his feelings. And Taishi, who can't do any of that. Takara, who consciously leads his own life and Taishi, who is unable to do anything, make any decision on his own without the influence of others, without asking them what he should do, even for others to tell him what he feels. Takara, who has his own life and Taishi, who has Takara's life, who built his entire being around him, went to his university, constantly checks what he likes, stalks him and stares at him to catch even the slightest changes in his face, completely losing himself in what Takara wants, likes, feels, putting him on a pedestal where everything Takara does and likes is perfect. Even their date, which was shown as Takara wanting to know what Taishin likes, actually IS about Takara. Taishin is constantly making sure that Takara is having fun, that the food is to his liking. It is significant, for example, that Taishin never says "I'm hungry/ I'm thirsty, let's go eat something, what do you think?" he just has to make sure that Takara wants it first. There is no "I" in Taishin's life, it's only senpai. And their scene from the previous episode, when Taishin is scared of Takara's reaction (!!) and literally shrinks and tries to appaer smaller when Takara tells him to come closer and when he sits there crying and small and it all ends with a kiss - ngl, as an adult woman, the only thing I felt for Taishin at that moment was the need to comfort him that no, honey, no one is mad at you and maybe call his mom. I'll be honest, I have no idea how someone could think at that moment: yes, I want to kiss this terrified, lost, emotionally undeveloped person. Maybe because of my age, maybe because people who need to be taught about life and their own feelings remind me too much of children for my own comfort, but I will never understand this type of relationship portrayed as something romantic and cute. Maybe in the manga it makes sense and has a different tone and there Taishin is not so blatantly childish, but simply innocent and an airhead. But the series Taishin IS mentally a child (and in behavior, movements and speech), especially compared to the mature, self-aware Takara. This relationship is not and will never be equal, which can be seen in literally every aspect (including the way they walk together, Takara always in front, Taishin toddling timidly behind), which will never be healthy. No matter how much Takara sincerely likes Taishin now. Because leading someone through life who should be your equal and support you exactly the same in life, but is not, is not possible in the long run. At some point Takara will also need help and support, something that can't be fixed with a smile and a crystal ball. And it may turn out that this relationship stands entirely on Takara, on his strength and his leadership.

I Hear the Sunspot - Ep 9 Wow, 3 episodes in a row when I don't have a good time, and only feel frustration and bitterness. I feel like I have to praise them for their commitment lol

[sketch-guardian]

I feel like I need to start adding a -___ anon because of how much I send requests now, I would love to send them without anon but it’s honestly so scary to post or comment anything 😞

I don’t know if you’re very comfortable with writing certain types of mental illnesses, like I saw on your boundaries post that you were fine writing mental and physical conditions but I just wanna know if you’re comfortable with a request where child mc has like ptsd or depression and always seems to be sad and gloomy (turns out it’s from bullying back in the home realm.) I really like seeing posts where child mc isn’t very energetic since I didn’t really get that very happy experience and can’t relate (〃▽〃)

Also I wish there was a snow leopard emoji, that’d be so cool. I love snow leopards

SORRY IF THIS IS A LOT OF WORDS, IM STILL REALLY NEW TO SENDING STUFF THAT ISNT TO PEOPLE I KNOW 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Well, there's no obligation to add a -___ anon, only if you feel like it🤷🏻and don't worry, I know how scary it can be to write openly to people you don't know or are close to🙈so it doesn't matter the number of asks you send, if you prefer to stay anonymous, so be it, it's not a problem☺As a (hopefully) future psychologist (I'm still studying at university-), it doesn't make me uncomfortable to talk about such topics, I just hope to write them well and not make too many mistakes😖so your ask is perfectly fine and I thank you for asking anyway just to be safe💜Furthermore, as a child I was very quiet and lazy, I was sometimes compared to a doll even though I was content, so more or less I can relate and I hope you are doing better now✨Also I agree, more animal emojis should be added💕(perhaps you could be snow leopard anon?🤔). Now let's get started with the platonic headcanons, I assumed you wanted all OCs btw🙈:

"RAD CLASSMATES+NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS WITH A CHILD MC WHO HAS DEPRESSION/PTSD"

DEMYA

Demya didn't spend an exactly normal childhood, firstly due to the type of environment in which she was born as a demon, part of a bloodthirsty tribe, and secondly due to the events that characterized her turbulent past, that is, having seen her family die in front of the her eyes and then being imprisoned in a human circus as a freak, chained and malnourished, only later when she was freed was she able to begin her journey of recovery. Demya might seem brash and prone to violence, in some respects she is, however she softens towards children and with child MC in particular she would be very protective, especially considering what they had to go through. Demya would not tolerate abuse towards child MC and would ask them to give her all the names of those who bullied them on Earth, not to kill them, not wanting to get child MC into trouble and considering that most likely the bullies are children as well, but simply to scar them for life and thus prevent them from finding other victims, the sight of her bloodied on the ceiling should be enough. Demya would also feel sorry for child MC being miserable most of the time and would try in her own way to make them happier, to make them overcome their trauma, because together they are stronger, Demya would always welcome child MC into her arms in case of need of comfort and they could stay in her nest (of blankets and pillows) for as long as they need to

DOMNRA/MOBIM

Domnra had a fairly normal childhood, according to celestial standards at least, given that as a soldier, he was trained to fight from a young age. The most difficult period of Domnra's life began after his fall from the Celestial Realm and after Mobim's birth, it took him time to metabolize and get used to the new situation. Child MC would remind Domnra of Mobim during its first days of existence: small, weak, helpless and afraid. Having matured over time and having learned to take care of Mobim, Domnra would try to help child MC learn how to defend themselves, both physically and emotionally, from bullies or fears, because they would have the full right to assert their own person. Domnra would become like child MC's shadow, always at their side in case of danger, as a figure to hide behind or as a shoulder to cry on, anyone who mistreats child MC should pass through Domnra first if they have the courage. Mobim would also help make child MC feel less sad, becoming their friend, playmate and comforting them, without the need for words and showing child MC that crying is good for letting off steam

AZUL

Azul was a happy and energetic child, who enjoyed running among flowers along with colorful butterflies, without a care in the world, his mood management problems began in adulthood, after his fall from the Celestial Realm. Azul is a very empathetic demon when it comes to feelings, especially those of people he cares about, so when he would sense child MC's sadness, his colors would change from light blue to dark blue in a sense of recognition and Azul would carry child MC in his arms, to comfort and console them. Azul would be worryingly quiet at the news of child MC being a victim of bullying and it's likely that one day, in the form of a spirit, he will enter the bullies' bedroom and scare them so much that they will never repeat such actions again. Azul would try to help and support child MC to find a way to express themselves, such as drawing or photography and as he is better trained in managing emotions, he would try to help child MC overcome their depression, one step at a time, always by their side, showing pride at every small milestone achieved

ZURI

Since she was a child, Zuri has always followed a rather rigid discipline and had to meet very high expectations from other angels towards her, therefore she didn't spend much time playing or having fun as perhaps it would have been more appropriate for a young angel, too busy excel and show herself as a symbol of purity. Old habits die hard, so even after she became a demon, Zuri remained a perfectionist, however she would never want something like that for child MC, after the way they have already suffered. With Zuri, there would be no expectations of happiness and joy to respect, but rather a probable professional therapeutic path, for child MC's sake, to provide them with the tools to process their trauma and work on their depression. Zuri would probably explain to child MC that the bullies who bothered them have likely been through difficult situations, however that doesn't excuse their actions and child MC would not be required to forgive them, but rather to move on with their life and heal. Anyone who has any comments to make about child MC's behavior should respond personally to Zuri and while not often very loving, Zuri would cradle child MC in her arms during depression or ptsd episodes

ODON

Odon had a bizarre childhood due to their ancient eldritch nature, they don't know what it means to have a family and as a child they did anything to feel a single emotion, even if it meant committing genocide. Over time Odon got "bored", because suffering became repetitive and they realized that showing kindness received much more interesting and varied reactions, that was the reason for the beginning of Odon's change for the better, however difficulties weren't lacking, since everyone was too afraid of them. Odon knows what it means to be marginalized and isolated, they also know sadness although they don't show it, therefore Odon would be very understanding and patient with child MC's issues, accompanying them step by step during their growth. No sane person would be stupid enough to bully child MC given Odon's reputation, so they would stop being teased, while as for the rest, Odon would read stories with child MC on their lap while they drink a hot beverage, to make them feel protected and safe for once, with even the eye-like creatures in tow as silent guardians. Odon would go back to being the monster they were in order to ward off the evil that afflicts child MC, after all, how could pain approach child MC, in Odon's even scarier presence?

REMIEL

Remiel had a lonely childhood and not exactly by choice. As a half angel-half nephilim, many angels, the most conservative ones, have always seen Remiel as a sin, an impure angel not worthy of being called such and having always been very literal-minded, despite the reassurances from her mother Azrael and her father Death, Remiel could never help but see such statements as the truth, because after all they weren't entirely wrong, she wasn't a pure celestial being, she have learned to live with it, however Remiel would see child MC's situation as unfair, being different. Since both child MC and Remiel are often gloomy and somber, they could actually be mistaken for related. As an angel of death, Remiel would frequently face issues such as depression and negative feelings, therefore she would be quite capable of making child MC feel better, having comforted several human souls in the past. One thing that child MC would appreciate before going to sleep would be, for example, having Remiel embrace them with her wings while softly humming them a lullaby that her mother Azrael used to sing to her when she was a child

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel, although he has always been a quiet angel even as a child, who let himself be carried away by the course of events, has always felt as if he was not in control of his actions, as if his destiny was in the hands of someone superior who controlled his every move and emotional response. As an extremely patient angel, caring for and managing a child MC with depression or ptsd would not necessarily be a problem, if anything a challenge, which Nathaniel would not intend to give up or abandon for any reason. Nathaniel would try to teach child MC how to let non-constructive criticism and insults slide over them, using failures as material to grow and improve, killing with kindness when possible those who show resentment towards them for no reason. Nathaniel is chill, but when annoyed he would be quite scary, so people would hardly bother child MC in his presence, also Nathaniel would show child MC the wonders of the world, trying to rekindle the spark of life in them. Nathaniel would always be child MC's guide

URIEL

Uriel's childhood was characterized by continuous attempts on her part to show her worth of becoming a warrior angel and by seeking compliments to feel valid, no matter how many times she fell and felt inadequate, she always got up in order to reach her goals and Uriel would like to help child MC achieve their dream whatever it may be, however she's aware that first they should be motivated enough and that currently it would be too soon. Uriel would see child MC being a victim of bullying as a real violation of justice and as an angel who represents it, she would go straight to the bullies, making them regret and reconsider every choice in their life and she would force them to apologize to child MC personally, with the threat of them going to hell if they act bad again or even worse, even if they ended up in heaven, then they would have to deal with Uriel. Uriel would act as child MC's shield and sword, promising that when they're unable to fight, she will protect them, for as long as they need, that she'll be the rock on which they can lean when they don't feel well

(also here's a small bonus of some OCs reaction to child MC fighting back against a bully):

[ineed-to-sleep]

what does Vincent do for a living? is he deemed attractive in his universe?

Honestly I think of Vincent as like, moderately attractive for VTMB's 2004 Los Angeles. He may not be the image of a stereotypical hunk but he's got some conventionally attractive traits(like being tall with broad shoulders and a strong jawline sjjxkc plus he takes good care of his appearance). If you ignore the fact he's very reserved and has zero rizz, I think he could easily be called handsome. For the time I can see the mullet being a bit of a dealbreaker for some people so yk he might not be for everyone, but I think there's plenty of kine who would see him as attractive and also a couple of the LA kindred. Jeanette for example has definitely hit on him in the past and like, despite the fact she flirts with most people, I like to think she'd genuinely find him cute ndndjd

But he doesn't really like, see himself as attractive, though. He has some good days but more often than not he has some self esteem issues. He went through a lot of bullying growing up for his appearance, for being brown and mixed, for being quiet, for being nerdy, and got some traumatizing rejections by girls in school, especially during his teens. A lot has changed for him since then but that kind of trauma sticks yk? That was like, 20 years before vtmb so he's had some time to heal some of that in his adulthood, he's changed the way he dresses, he's been flirted with and complimented on his looks, but in the back of his mind those experiences still make him insecure and he has a hard time approaching anyone romantically or sexually for fear of rejection and out of thinking he's not "good enough" as he is. Also, compliments matter a lot to him yk? Bc he often gets insecure, having that validation come from someone else can really flip his mood.

About what he does for a living hmmm he's been through a couple of different "jobs". He started his kindred life as a Camarilla spy(his sire purposefully embraced him to make him one), then after he drove his sire out of the city he started working more closely with the LA barons, at first as a "sweeper", the guy who collects and hoards information on every kindred in the city, and then found his vocation as a "guy who cleans up masquerade breaches". Not sure if there's a name for that, but that's what he did, and where he excelled. Investigating what happened, who did it, covering it up, and taking measures so the masquerade breaker doesn't do it again. He made a lot of people angry, and he didn't necessarily like what his job *meant* for him, but he sure loved doing it.

I think I've mentioned it here before somewhere? But just in case I haven't, Vincent went to college for journalism, so a lot of the skills he learned there he was able to apply here. He knows how to investigate something, pry for information, and bring it to the public, and he also understands how something typically gets shoved out of the public eye and covered up, and how biased journalism can influence people. When he was presented with the job of covering up a masquerade breach, he knew exactly what he needed to do, even if it wasn't what he went to school for nor what his *ideals* dictated for him. And when he chose to study journalism he was very idealistic- he believed he could do his part in changing the world by bringing information to the masses, bringing to light injustice and inequality and not letting anything get swept under the rug and forgotten because it benefits someone in power. It's been a real trip for him to have ended up doing pretty much the opposite- covering up murders, assaults and missing person cases just so that vampires can stay in control and keep on leeching on society, powerful and uninterrupted. He reasons it's for the best, that he's helping avoid a kindred/kine war that could only end up with a horrendous body count. He reasons that yk, maybe he was wrong, too naive, that maybe sometimes leaving certain things in the dark actually serves the greater good. But if he was being *honest* with himself, part of him likes what he's doing. All the skills he learned, knowledge he gathered over the years, it's all coming together now- all his talents are being put to good use and he's *good* at what he does, and he likes being good at something. There's a kick he gets out of it, even though he wouldn't exactly like to admit it.

[sincerelyyellingback]

This was said in response to this post. I was blocked before I could reblog with my response, so here it is:

I agree with you 100% about which community the deer are supposed to represent, but I don't see how you think that's a good thing. ls it an accurate comparison? Yes, very much so. But is it positive? Not the way I see it.

The deer are leading Tommy further down the path of his own delusions, further away from everyone who ever loved him. That first night in the woods was a very had experience for Tommy. It could have been the wake-up call that Tommy so desperately needed. Maybe Tommy would have accepted himself for the adult human male that he is, if the real deer hadn't encouraged him to continue to pursue his delusions.

And this is where being gay differs from being trans, or a '"therian" (I can only guess at what THAT is. I'm not looking it up because I know that I don't wanna know). I am a homosexual woman. I didn't have to put on a doofy costume, or seek out external validation, or change a single thing about myself or my lifestyle in order for that to be true about me. Because it's ACTUALLY who I am.

I did know that I was diferent from a young age, and l'm aware that the fact that I lost no friends or family because of who I am is a very lucky thing, and not a universal experience among gay people. I was bullied a bit in middle school for being a lesbian, but people got over it eventually, when they realized that my homosexuality had no effect on them. There ARE happy endings for people like me. I can live in the real world as my true self, because "gay" is something that a person can be, with no mental gymnastics required whatsoever. There's nothing "queer" about me. I'm just a normal person.

A human man who tries to become a deer (or even to become a human woman!) is not ever going to be happy, because he is chasing a reality that is not physically possible for him to attain.

Tommy had a great life before he decided to fuck off into the woods. There was nothing wrong with his life, only with his brain. Maybe he should've sought therapy instead.

[kairoriak]

I have been thinking , what about a miraculous ladybug au where instaid of being teens they are actually in their 19-23or so and instead of a school setting they are at the University and they deal with real young adults problems

Maybe here Kim didn't prank Marinett in the pool but now he is like her toxic ex boyfriend who broke her heart and self confidence so she moved back with her parents and she feels like a looser but she need to get her shit together because she needs good grades at the University so she won't loose her fashion designer scholarship also she doesn't wanna worry her parents since she is supouse to be an adult so she try to deal with it by herself.

Gabriel and Adrian have a worst relationship because gab blames Adrian for Emily's death but at the same time he kinda still love his Senti son so he gave him mixed signals and no emotional estability or support and maybe Adrian is done with that shit so instaid of Nathalie trying to convince form going to school in origenes she is actually trying to convince him from moving out of the mansion but Adrian is done and cut all of the contact with his father and Nathalie , their conversations would be like :

Nathalie : Adrian he loves you he just doesn't know how to show it and it have been a hard time since your mother-

and Adrian interrupt her

Adrian : Don't bring that argument again it work when I was 14 but it have been 5 years Nathalie if he love me so much why he is not here oh wait maybe because he is too busy locked in his studio like every dinner, birthday party and Christmas evening ,

well I'm done he wanted a perfect son I was the perfect son ,he wanted me to be a famous model I was a famous model I was everything he ever wanted but anything seem to be enough he can't be upset for mom forever or maybe he can but I can't be waiting for him forever so now once in my life I'm going to do what I want instaid of what he want me to do

Adrián moving and cutting contact with his father is what detonates Gabriel to us the miraculous of the butterfly and his whole thing of bring Emily back so he could fix his family he kinda spent all of these years trying to fix to peacock and find the butterfly miraculous but he didn't get it until now

So like in the movie tiki and plagg feel the evil coming so they choose Mari and Adrian to be ladybug and chat noir

Mari would risk her life to save another without thinking twice so Tiki will choose her also she is a creative girl who create a lot of things by her self like her fashions designs all of her clothes and tons of others things like in the series

Plagg would choose Adrian in a similar way

Tiki would help marinett to be more confidence and at stand up like marinett so she get over Kim and plagg would help Adrian to discover who he really is and what he want in life

Also Marinett and Cloe would be like fashion students rivals instaid of bully and victim because in real life there's no way they would have attended to the same high school , so Mari is the broke fashion wanna be girl and Cloe is the rich girl with experience in the matter but Cloe won't study anything related to design maybe she study marketing or something more related to the public imagen and rentability of the product idk something like that

so Cloe won't take marinett seriously at first maybe she didn't even remember her name and call her Marietta María Inés, Mariana a but never Marinett until she show up her abilities and potencial and maybe she impress Cloe's mom so she became cloe's rival, besides Sabrina is now Cloe secret girlfriend because she can't ruin her parents reputation with something like being openly gay so she need to be careful in how she behaves in public so she is not so nasty and annoying like in the series

Also gab didn't make his stupid villan speech in the Eiffel tower with a ton of akumas so there is a serious debate in Paris about who is the real hero and who is the real villan and Alya and Cloe where both saved by lady in orgienes so Alya and the ladyblog are more important because she has recordings of everything I first person but also because she was there when everything happend and she know that if it wasn't for ladybug she won't be here anyloger so her mision is show the world ladybug and chat noir are the real heroes

And Cloe would convince her Father that Lady bug saved her and the police can't deal with the akumas (bullet's doesn't work on them ) so they should let lady and Chat faced the situation but this also put a lot of public and political pressure on lady and chat

[nahalism]

i just quit my job, that drained me. It feels both bad and good, because I don't have another one lined up, but it takes out all my life energy. The energy of my coworkers is dark and bullying, it's disrespectful. One of them is giving me the chills since day 1 and has dark energy. I don't know if witchcraft is a thing, but I randomly saw a video about it, i think it was wizardliz and how she said you take that energy and get these thought w you, even if you don't want it, i was like, ok this is exactly this person. It's hard to explain. Anyway, in the end it's me allowing myself getting disrespected. It means I'm not in the right place. The darkness that it gives me, is pushing me to see the light. But still I feel bad, cause a lot of people need a job, want a job, and I threw it away after 4 years. I'm sorry for ranting in your inbox. I didn't tell anybody, because I know people talk me out of it, cause it's a good job and you need money right. But i feel like i'd hang myself, being around these people a day longer. I don't wanna say there's bad people, but it felt lke that and i know everybody that puts darkness on me, needs to find their own light and pushes me to find mine. But man, idk, i can't believe there are people like this. Who constantly talk and judge others, never check the mirror. I don't like labels ,but I use to question myself if I'm anti-social, autistic, weird, but I believe I'm sensitive to a point that it doesn't matter what anybody says or does, it's what i feel and if that isn't good, i can not be around you. I know someone who hurt me, but i know in my heart she didn't mean to. I guess she didn't know better. Despite that, I feel pure about her. Safe around her and I know she does with me. And then there're these people who claim to be good, acts of kindness, trynna hang w you, but then it feels off. Not pure. Not safe. Does it make sense? I know I will face more situations like this, but how do I deal with it. Do you have tips? Don't feel obligated to answer. I hope you are doing good x

heyyyy, first of all!!! congratulations on making a decision that makes you happy. you did something brave and took your future into your own hands. dont let outside noise, guilt, or fear move you from acknowledging that. there are always ways to make money, but our time here and what we do with it is finite so the quality of your experience matters.

i think you did a powerful thing trying to find how those negative experiences could teach you something or push you toward an experience of life you would rather have. as im sure you know, negative experiences are half the battle. mastering ourselves and our response to them is often the harder and more necessary task. however, knowing that can make leaving harder, cause not being able to 'rise above' and endure something tough can often feel like a failure to master yourself or those circumstances. that said, i think you did the right thing leaving a space that doesnt make you happy. as much as we can change ourselves, its not our job to change people, and at a certain point we have to believe and trust in what we feel. our feelings toward things are some of our indicators toward whether or not what we experience is aligned with us.

in terms of witchcraft. i know juju is a real thing but i dont give it much weight or credence simply because i believe like frequencies latch on to like frequencies. if its true that the universe is mental and we create our realities then those things that manifest in our lived experience have their root within us. — this is why 1) theres a deep meaning to 'no weapon formed against me shall prosper'. when you have conviction of yourself and your path, wayward energies cannot get to you or conquer you. if someone would wish you evil, but you hold no resonance toward that evil, or you have no fear/insecurity concerning their power over you, that evil cannot latch on to you and returns back to sender. — 2) (this relates to how you conduct yourself in the future), practice stilling yourself, knowing where you are going, and what your experience of where you will to go looks and feels like. then go forward. when you encounter people you disagree with, who trigger you, or who give you a similar vibe to the people you have just left, you can do one of two things. seek the aspect of you that identifies with them. (if you didn't identify or fear their ability to rub off on you, you would be able to tune them out or brush them off. soon they would cease to exist around you whether its them getting moved to another department, or you getting promoted etc) orrrr. choose to see them. understand that beyond the face they show you, they have different faces and aspects to them. who are they to their mother? their brother? their children. by seeing them in the full scope of their humanity you can remember that they are more than the aspect of them you see that aggravates you & in doing so treat them as you would treat someone you love. its a funny thing, cause that person could be an asshole to everyone else, yet the softest most generous person to you, because when we see people for who they are or even more than what they are, they usually respond in like mind.

wishing you so much luck and good fortune in your future endeavours. your effort will not betray you 💋

[chaosvanquished]

I'm not very good at explaining or even putting my thoughts into words but I'll try to get my point across.

One of my favorite childhood reads was The Hobbit and after my fifth or so read through I was allowed to read The Lord of the Rings and oh boy was I enamored. It wasn't the Elves or the high fantasy that got me, it was the ending. Returning to a place where you didn't belong anymore, where no one would understand what you had seen and done.

As an (undiagnosed) autistic person with ADD this was always the dynamic I encountered in my daily life but it became so much more obvious when I left my home country.

I grew up in a generation at a time where few people of my age had seen other countries, at least outside of holiday trips. I had to change schools repeatedly due to bullying and -as privileged as it may sound - I went abroad where one of my relatives lived because I was burnt out but needed to learn skills to have a future. So I was sent abroad to work (underage) and improve my language skills.

When I returned I was still a teenager and I realized that nothing about my situation had changed but I had. And it made me cry. I never could read or watch the final scene of LotR without crying. Even when I was still a child I understood that my experiences in elementary and middle school and at home had changed me while everyone else was safe, oblivious, and ensconced in their family structure. At the latest after my time in a foreign country I did not belong where I came from. I missed my friends from abroad, the first ones who liked me and sought me out for my time, and I missed my independence.

Intellectually I know that others had struggles, too and that others also traveled abroad. But still I intimately understood Frodo's feelings of alienation and restlessness. Even at university everyone else returned from their semester abroad with nice memories and homesickness but I was homesick for a place I had just returned from. For a place that didn't even exist in my memories. A place where I was whole. But there were no Grey Havens in real life, I could never put down my burdens of mental and physical disabilities, my trauma, and my thoughts to find eternal peace. And I was angry. And disillusioned.

My Blessed Realm has become my hobbies and my academic pursuits and my search for tranquility and acceptance of my shortcomings. But I still cry when I reach that point in LotR. And I wonder if people who have never felt that feeling can truly appreciate the ending or if it is just a weird addendum to them after the main storyline ended.

[iamumbra195]

So I just came across a post about Pavitr in the comics having an existential crisis about not being white like all the other different variations of Peter Parker (I’m definitely reading his comics at some point).

But now I’m remembering something from when I was a kid and I was wondering if this was like a universal POC experience from before you actually understood the concept of race and discrimination or if it was a just a weird fucked up thing my mind came up with.

See when I was younger, I was in an arab predominated school, there were like two other black girls but one of them was lightskin (I didn’t even know she was black until like second grade XD) and I hated the other for... various reasons (she was my bully for like six years but we ain’t gonna talk about that) so like I had no sense of kinship with like anyone in my class or school 

Because of that environment and the fact that I didn’t know why the racist secratary always got me in trouble while letting the other girls get away with not wearing the proper uniform until like fifth grade, I had so much fucked up self esteem like when I tell you all my memories of looking in the mirror as a little kid were so messed up-- I straight up hated my appreance and would see like this warped monster thing, I’m being completely honest. When I look back at pictures of five/six year old me I’m like ‘I was cute, why the hell do my memories look so different?’

Not to mention all the colourism and older people who looked like me telling me not to stand in the sun too much so I wouldn’t get any darker. I wanted straight hair for soooo long-- like all the way until I was thirteen and relaxed my hair for the first time and ended up ruining it for like five years after that.

Here comes the fucked up part. 

I never actually met a lot of my extended family when I was younger, so when I would imagine them, I would imagine them looking nothing like me because my mom always told me they looked pretty-- I would imagine them as ARAB, like with dark wavy/straight hair and all their predominate features. 

Anyways, I was a little tiny bit surprised when I met them and they looked nothing like my imagination. But the worse part was perhaps the fact that literally every single one of them had naturally straight/wavy hair or they relaxed it every few months so it would stay that way. I was still obsessed with straight hair at that point so when they offered to get the lady who does their hair to relax my hair I was super happy and excited about it but guess what??? 

She ruined my hair. I lost so much of it, it became dry and tangly because she didn’t bother doing it properly because I was catching a flight in like three days and I needed to leave the thing in for like two days so by the time I got the results it would be too late for me to ask her to fix it or give us our money back.

For the next like three years I kept cutting my hair until all the damage grew out completely and now I don’t have a lot of hair and it’s doesn’t grow as much as it used to.

So yeah.  

I wasn’t around white ppl a lot as a kid, no public school or anything so I think experience was different and my ‘beauty standards’ were more arab beauty standards but Idk tell me if you guys had a similar experience.

Circling back to the thing I said about Pavitr, I felt like that period of my life was the time where I really related to Pavitr’s existential crisis because I constantly felt ugly or that I wasn’t good enough because I didn’t look like the girls around me. I was also kinda (?) bullied for being chubby so that did nothing to help.  

So yeah, I have a lot of feelings about this. UGH.

I really hope they explore that part of Pavitr’s life a little bit in BTSV

P.S.: does anyone else feel really disconnected from their ethnicity and culture and feels really awkward at barbeques with distant cousins and their extended family because you feel like you don’t belong or that they’re judging you because you can’t speak your native language and have grown up mostly around judgy, racist old arab people as your teachers so you adopted a lot of arab mannerisms and.... yeah, I’m gonna talk about this another day

[crystal-overdrive]

You mention that TT is an extension of your spirituality but I am going out on a leap here and state that I know you are not a Banite. How are you finding the two are linked?

Dear Doxieandthedead,

You've been to my house, you know that a big print of a black hand is the first thing you see when you walk in the door!

My worrying decor aside though, no I am not a real life Banite. I think you know some of this already but I'll explain it all for anyone else reading. I've realised I'm offering some really, really personal info here and will need to be careful not to reveal anything oathbound so bear with if it's not entirely clear. Essay post incoming...

So, I am in a druid tradition that works with the four elements, and as part of my training I've been on a journey through said elements. I was really looking forward to getting to fire because I thought I had an affinity with it. I've always seen myself as passionate, driven, a person of action. (One of Bane's epithets is He Who Takes Action) Fiery traits!

When I got there, I found that all the fire rituals were centred around a Goddess who I'd had trouble working with before. She's a big figure in Celtic Paganism but she'd just never seemed interested in me. When I tried to work with fire, tried to ask for her blessing, I had several rituals go wrong. Fire refusing to light, feeling nothing, being unable to concentrate, even a particularly nasty fall that involved a lot of blood that could have just been coincidence, but the timing was auspicious. Finally, I had an outright rejection. During meditation in one of these rituals, I felt freezing cold even though the room was warm and I had a literal fire in front of me, and I heard the words "the cold flame only, is meant for you". This really disturbed me, and I felt really quite despondent until I remembered where I'd felt this feeling before. 1) When I was a child and, despite being very quiet and trying not to attract trouble, I started a fight with a group of girls to make them leave a girl they were bullying alone. 2) When I made a formal complaint against someone who was mentoring us in a university competition for his sexism and harassment to prevent it happening to anyone else. 3) When I left the ex that isolated, manipulated and used me and when I chose myself despite the threats he made. Even though it had come with rejection this time, it had always been present when I'd done good things. Things that required strength and backbone and confidence. When I did these things and felt this cold energy I felt like I moved beyond fear to a cold certainty, like there was no option of not doing the thing. It had to be done and I was the only one capable of doing it. That is where Tav's experience of Bane as cold inevitability comes from. So much of the feeling and texture of ritual and spiritual experience in the fic is drawn from my real life. In terms of my own story, somewhere I'd gotten the idea that this Goddess' rejection of me was because I "belonged" to another reflection of the Goddess, a darker epithet. I can't find where this idea came from, but I make reference to it in my journal entry about the cold flame. I eventually found this Goddess (painfully obvious once I did, but it was a search) and she offered me transformation, both physically and mentally. I'm partially growing my hair as a devotional act, and Tav's hair acts as a symbol of her connection to Bane. In devotion to her I have become more confident, more truthful, more able to put myself first. She's not evil, but she's not kind in her myth, and she is seen as a dark mother archetype. She has also contributed towards the apathy I've been feeling in regards to living by my values as she's told me multiple times, in meditation, in reading, that selfishness is fine. And I have no idea how to feel about that, because my spirituality was such a driver of my environmentalism. So she's given me personal power, but in that process eroded my values. I think the comparison there is evident. Obviously what's happening to Tav is both extreme and evil and that is not happening to me, but taking it to those extremes in fiction is a way I can explore my experiences and feelings and also I get to write about fucking Enver Gortash so that's good too.

Yours in the Mysteries of the Gods, Crystal

[unhingedhearties]

The Most First of First World Problems

You know who did have a surprisingly mature reaction to the Season 11 poster? TeamE83Liz/UnlovedHeartie.

Just kidding, she chimped out. Without looking ahead, take a guess what her opinion of Elizabeth’s shorter hair was.

Chris McNally literally has genetic evidence that he slept with someone outside of marriage*, but Liz only has these freak outs at 4 specific cast members simply because they travel and hang out and aren’t married. How dare people experience life with someone they aren't married to. They spend a quarter of the year EVERY YEAR working together. I would hope some of the cast would become friends and have fun.

*And to make it perfectly clear, I don’t care who Chris has a family with or how. NO. ONE. should care. Anyone who attacks him is subhuman trash. I just want to point out how Liz still puts Chris on this weird pedestal but acts like a serial killer everytime Erin does something she doesn’t approve of, whether it’s wearing hoop earrings with short hair or dating and traveling with friends.

Yeah Erin and Kevin really look like themselves on that poster. Erin’s always running around in pastel skirts in her free time and Kevin is never not wearing suspenders when at home.

“Bullied online” People telling you to act like a respectable adult is not bullying.

I do not understand how or why Lucabeth fans thought the next poster would cater to them. This show is not solely about you. Elizabeth and Lucas are not a couple anymore. Life goes on.

“I hate Erin at the moment” Then why are you always on Erin-senpai’s Instagram screaming at her to notice you and say “hi”?

“Where the f_ck is his uniform!?!” It’s still swearing even if you censor a vowel. I’m sure Jesus is proud of you. And his uniform is in the same place Jack’s was for the Season 3, 4 and 5 posters. Remember the pre-Lucas era?

“That’s mental abuse towards Lucabeth fans!”

HA HA HA HA HA

“I never got the chance to decide for myself who I wanted her to be with!”

You can literally decide that right now. You don’t need other people to make up your mind for you. You can even change your mind. What a crazy concept.

“I was then talked into how bad & not right for Elizabeth, Nathan was!”

Oh my God! She fell in with the wrong crowd 🙄How embarrassing to (probably) be a middle aged adult and be this easily influenced.

“My life’s ruined FOREVER because I was talked into hating an actor I don’t know. There’s literally no way to fix this situation”

Someone call TPTB. The main character of the universe is mad and doesn’t want there to be a Season 12 or a Christmas movie. Her wants outweigh the millions of fans that do.

…of course it’s real. Maybe it’s not the finished product, but it’s real. What, you think Erin and Kevin dress like that in their free time? Where do you think the photos came from?

Again with the “I was talked into not liking Nathan”. “Please, I bring nothing to a relationship and I only take, but I need someone to drop what they’re doing and tell me my hateful outbursts are justified.”

“Edit-Me” 

No shit

God I hope Elizabeth’s hair only gets shorter. I hope she goes full Josephine Baker and gels it flat onto her head.

Okay, I think that’s going to be it for poster reactions. There’s just been too many from disgruntled Hearties to keep track of everything. If anyone finds a good one, show me and if it’s funny I might share it.