#knows first and is bullying you about it’ is a universal life experience i need them to have

[quietwingsinthesky]

be fucked up and really funny if the only other person to know the doctor is the timeless child, or at least has funky regneration stuff going on, was brax because Oops! Accidental Childhood Accident Resulting In Regeneration! History Repeats Itself! he never thought to mention this information to them or anyone else though and also they don’t remember it happening.

[intooned]

MY FAVORITE SHIPS!

This was a LONG time coming! And I want to thank @expensiveeggplant & @coffinbrotherr for putting up with my procrastination while boiling down the who and why of this list!

Adventure Time: Finnceline

My first real ship, the first fanfiction I ever read, and I spent hours watching Finnceline AMV's way back when YouTube didn't have commercials. Finn and Marcy's personalities and experiences play so well off of each other that I'm thoroughly convinced the writers were terrified of their potential. They would be an amazing butt-kicking couple, but that wouldn't leave Finn with as many flaws to develop as a young man coming of age. And it's such a shame because you know they'd always have each other's backs and best interests at heart. And with a fully grown adult Finn I'd bet money they'd have at least turned out as cuddle buddies... who occasionally engage in some very aggressive cuddling.😏

Flame Princess and Huntress Wizard were great and had their cool moments with Finn, but something tells me Marceline would give up her immortal life in a heartbeat to protect Finn. Having seen each other's pasts and memories and going out of their way to help each other with deep-rooted life issues, Finnceline just has more depth to work with than the other ships.

Gravity Falls: Dipper x Pacifica x Mabel

The first episode I ever saw was the one where Pacifica and Mabel play mini-golf. I wasn't fully paying attention and assumed Dipper and Mabel were just best friends dealing with a bully. The car ride home together was cute and solidified my first ever threeway ship. THEN I found out they were siblings...

Then I found out fanfiction didn't care! In fact, here's a [link] to the BEST fanfic I've ever read for this ship, enjoy!

Star Vs. The Forces of Evil: MonStarco

The MonStar AU is where things are relatively the same except for one thing: Star is half or part monster. It makes good sense that Star, being an interdimensional magical princess from an interdimensional magical kingdom would be a little more... interdimensional. It gives some fresh blood to Starco fics, which can be a bit too vanilla most of the time, especially when you get to parts where Star's otherworldly anatomy and quirks cause all sorts of problems and shenanigans!

Sort of like her muberty phase but she's stuck looking that way, and if you remember the show said there's a chance every Mewman actually COULD end up stuck in butterfly form! Super interesting! It reminds me a lot of the episode of Teen Titans(original) where Starfire was going through alien puberty, and how fun of an episode it was to watch. The fact that there's tons of Monster Star AU and Mewberty art out there helps a ton as well!

Steven Universe: Lapiven & Stevinel

Lapiven: These two are the perfect example of "cute sunshine boy X hot goth gf". Plain and simple, Steven's optimism is exactly what Lapis needed to begin working through what happened to her. And no one appreciates a cinnamon roll the way a scarred person does. Also, tell me they don't look like a couple everytime they're onscreen together? I mean really watch them! Blushing, giggling, constant eye contact, twinkling eyes, immediately responsive to each others change in mood, plenty physical contact, elation whenever Steven calls or visits.

You can call it platonic for the Shtewball, but Lapis adores Steven in every sense of the word! She warned him and negotiated his safety when she realized Homeworld would get involved. She held Jasper prisoner in her own head just to protect him. She faced her trauma and returned to confront the Diamonds, ready to put hands and feet on an enemy she knew she couldn't beat. And entirely because, to her, Steven's safety was more important than her own life! Weigh out those exact same scenarios, their exact same interactions with each other with just about any other two characters in animation and tell me it doesn't make sense? I swear most of their episodes together are just them going on dates!

Stevinel: Now this is special to me. On the opposite side of the scale Steven and Spinel share the same feelings of abandonment and inadequacy from and by Pink. Of course they aren't the only ones, but Spinel didn't raise Steven as a parent or sibling. There was no one better suited to empathize with Steven's issues, and his downward spiral into becoming a monster who hurts people.

What Spinel went through in the movie is too on the nose for what Steven goes through in Future, and I'm flabbergasted that the writers chose to have her be of little to no help when Steven needed to be shown that he didn't have to hold himself together on his own!

But back on topic. The other Gems love Steven, but Spinel is wired to love him just like Pearl, on top of whatever blooms between them naturally. So when those wires were damaged from Pink's abandonment, it's quite poetic that Steven is the one to mend them. From there It's as easy-peasy pink-heart-squeasy to assume the seeds of affection could sprout from such fertile ground. It also helps that Rebecca Sugar blatantly suggests Steven and Spinel's relationship isn't concretely platonic, at least for Spinel. Even going so far as to give us fan service!

Possibility is all that is needed for shippers and fanfictioneers to run wild with wishful thinking. I also might have a revenge boner for heartbroken characters who find happiness despite the tomfuckery done to them. "Pink abandoned me in her garden? Guess I'll have Steven frolicking in mine.

RWBY: Nora's Arc

Although I may grow enamored with other RWBY ships, I always come back to this one. It's just tons of fun! Responsible & Awkward meets Extroverted Hurricane, legally banned from IHOP and the Sloth exhibit at the zoo! Premium family man real estate meets poster girl for found family and there's no one better than Jaune-1-of-8-kids-Arc to get the job done!

I'm also of the mind that Nora's bombastic personality is meant to draw people to her, because she's absolutely terrified of being alone and left behind again. And with family gatherings at the Arc residence, isolation is all but nonexistent.

Wakfu: Yumalia

Dreams do come true! LET'S GOOO! Not much to say; they were set to be together from first sight and it was a rollercoaster from there. A lot like Aang and Katara, Yugo got his feisty princess and Amalia got her dashing hero. It's classic, it's timeless, and you love to see it done well!

The Dragon Prince: Rayllum

Obvious cuteness is obviously cute. It's nearly unheard of for the strange but exotic alien girl to be the one intrigued and smitten with the human boy. An action adventure fantasy but the non-human girl is the awkward one hiding her feelings? Sign me up! It's a breath of fresh air!

Sonic The Hedgehog: SilverWolf

The newest addition! Some fresh meat to sink my teeth into as I rekindle my love for the Sonic franchise! I haven't followed anything Sonic since the fever dream that was Sonic 06, but happened to see a few panels of Silver talking to what appeared to be a new character, Whisper the Wolf! Shy, soft spoken, but not from timidity, rather a desire to not scare others away because of her frightening features.

Pairing her with the very approachable and reassuring Silver makes for good chemistry in my opinion. I also adore Whisper's color scheme and the combination of silver, gold, and neon lights they have in a lot of comic panels together. They'd make a cute pair that's easy to reduce to a blushing mess with any little bit of teasing, and I'm here for it!

AND THERE YOU HAVE IT!

I have loads more ships but these are the ones that I felt were most worth sharing.

[shyanddreamy]

A helping hand

Niragi Suguru x Reader

Summary: Niragi wasn´t at his best moment at high school. Life was unfair with him. But you noticed him. He caught your eye. What happened between you and Niragi was much more than he could ever have imagined in his wildest dreams.

Warnings: soft Niragi, mentions of bullying, violence, smut, fluff and angst (all-in-one because why not), loss of virginity, Niragi being so fucking adorable.

Author´s note: Soooo it´s my first time posting here but I needed to write Niragi´s first time and I know you needed to read it too. English is not my first language so I apologize for any possible mistakes. I really hope you like it. Love u all <3

﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋﹋

Day after day, he was always alone; always in the same chair doing the same things. Exactly two hours after his arrival, he packed up his books and left for fifteen minutes before coming back with a coffee. He seemed to be pretty strict with his routine. Maybe you were a bit gossip because you had spent the last few days observing him until you learnt his schedule too. But what could you do? Studying was too boring; you needed a distraction. And he looked like an interesting one.

So that day, when he left the public library, you decided to follow him. You thought he might be going to a coffee shop, but he just was at the vending machine in the hallway.

"Hello there", you said. The boy turned back, but he looked side to side before paying attention directly to you.

"Are you talking to me?", he asked, puzzled.

"There´s no one else here except you", you answered. "Why do you carry your backpack with you just to take a break in the hallway?"

"I don´t want anyone to… steal my books"

"Cute. Are you a high-school student?", you smiled before asking, but he seemed embarrassed and confused. Anyway, he nodded. "And why don´t you study in your own school?"

"I prefer to be here. Is there any problem?"

"No, of course not. I was just curious", you said. "Do you mind if a sit next to you? I can´t concentrate by my own and you are always studying harder. Maybe I can learn something from you"

"It´s fine, I suppose"

He tried to smile, but it was more like an awkward grimace.

"I´m Y/N, by the way"

"Nice to meet you, Y/N. I´m Niragi"

"It´s my pleasure, Niragi"

Since that day, you changed your favourite desk in the public library to be in the same as Niragi. Most of the time you were just sitting there in completely silence, concentrated in your own notes. He was shy and everyday took him like half hour to get used to your presence. Either social skills were not his thing, or he was not used to interacting with girls.

In the coffee breaks were when you took advantage to know more about him. He was a high school senior and wanted to get good marks so he could go to the university the following year. This was your first year at the university, so you told him all about how your experience was. People, teachers, classes, environment… it was pretty different in comparison with high school, and he seemed hopeful at your description.

Ultimately, studying with Niragi was nice. You found yourself thinking that you even felt like going to the library every afternoon, far from the laziness you felt before. But everything changed the day you saw a bruised on his cheekbone. You noticed he didn´t want to look at you at all since you were sitting in front of him and you assumed that was the reason.

After nearly fifteen minutes of hesitation about what you should do, you grabbed him by the chin and forced his face upwards. He also had traces of dried blood next to his nose.

"What happened to you?"

"It´s nothing", he answered trying to hide behind his own hair.

"It doesn´t look like nothing"

He slapped your hand away from his chin and lowered his face again. It was strange because he has never been so rude before. And before you could say anything, he grabbed his backpack and his books and ran away. You went after him without hesitation after quickly gathering your things too.

"Hey, Niragi!", you called out in the hallway getting him to stop. He had no way of escape. "I didn´t want to bother you"

"I´m sorry. It´s my fault", he apologized, turning slowly towards you with his gaze fixed on his feet and his hands clenched into fists.

"No, it´s not", you answered a bit concerned. Anyway, you tried to sound calm. "Has anyone done this to you? Maybe a classmate?"

"No. It´s nothing", he insisted, but you noticed his weeping eyes. You were pretty sure that you spot on. So carefully, you took his hand between yours to get his attention.

"I know that we have fifteen minutes to get a coffee, but I think that, only for today, we should take a longer break"

"I-I´m not sure"

You smiled cheerfully.

"Trust me"

Niragi followed you tamely, but after ten minutes walking down the street, he started to get nervous. Even more when you entered in an apartment building.

"Where are we going?", he asked to you, but you waited to answer until you were in front of your door.

"To my house", you said while you opened it. "It´s not too much, but I can´t afford any more"

"Do you live on your own?"

"Getting a job while you are at college is not much fun, but it´s better than live with my father, that´s for sure", you explained briefly. "C´mon in. I don´t bite"

However, Niragi was suspicious. While you entered in the kitchen, he sat down in the sofa frowned. It was pretty obvious how uncomfortable he was.

"Why did you bring me here?", he asked you suspicious. "I-I shouldn’t be here. Maybe I´d better leave"

When you returned to the living room, you did so with a packet of frozen vegetables in your hand and interrupted his words.

"I don´t have ice, but it will work too", you sat down next to him and pointed to his bruised. "It seems recent, so cold will help. May I?"

Niragi opened his eyes in surprise, realising that you were trying to lend him a hand. He didn´t seem to be used to anyone helping him. And in a way, it was enough to calm him down a bit.

"Don´t worry. I can do it myself"

"It´s ok. I want to do it for you"

He smiled slightly and finally nodded. You remained silence for a few minutes to make him feel comfy while you took care of his bruise carefully. However, you needed to know what really had happened to him.

"So… do you have any problems at high school?", you asked him prudently, but Niragi was still reluctant to speak. "Stay quiet only helps bullies. It´s not beneficial to you"

"I-It´s nothing new. And I can´t do anything. I tried once, but it only got worse", Niragi mumbled. "I am only a few months away from graduation, I can bear it until then"

In that kind of situations, people used to say that you should talk with a teacher or an adult, but it is easier said than done. And as much as you would like to do something about it, you couldn’t force him to do something he didn´t want to.

"Is there anything I can do to help you?"

"I don´t want to be a nuisance, although, well, I am being one already", he muttered. As nervous as he still was, he dared to look you in the eyes. "Why are you so nice to me?"

"Because you are a nice guy, Niragi", you pointed out, setting aside the packet of frozen vegetables.

"We hardly know each other"

"Yeah, I actually know so little about you because you barely talk about yourself, and yet, I´m sure you deserve much better than this"

Your words were enough to make him blush. Damn, he was adorable. You liked his shyness and how easily he got nervous with little things. But he also was clever and pretty interesting if you give him the opportunity to get comfortable enough to talk openly. High school students weren´t really your type, but Niragi could be the exception.

When you put your hand up to his face, caressing his cheek softly, he seemed confused.

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"W-What?", Niragi stammered as he shrugged his shoulders. "W-why do you want to know that?"

"Because I want to kiss you. If you want it too, of course."

He looked even more flustered than usual but, at least, he didn´t turn away from your touch.

"You don´t have to do that out of pity"

"It´s not like that", you assured him. "I do want to kiss you"

"But why would you do that?"

"Because I see you, Niragi. I really see you. And I like all what I see"

"I don´t… understand"

"Maybe one day you will"

You approached a bit more until there were only a few inches between your lips. And still caressing his cheek and his hair, you finally kissed him very softly. His mouth didn’t answer at first, but when you started moving your own lips, he did his best to follow your pace. It was obvious it was his first kiss because of his clumsiness, but you were glad to be his teacher. The only thing you wanted was to give him an excellent first kiss. And when you thought it was enough for the first time, you broke the kiss, adding some distance between both. Niragi kept his eyes closed for a few more seconds before opening them again. You couldn´t help but smile as you saw Niragi blinking repeatedly, still muddled.

"Was it good?"

"Yeah, I guess. No, I mean, of course", he responded helter-skelter, making you laugh.

"See? You are incredibly sweet"

This time, Niragi laughed too. And your heart beat faster when you saw a special shine in his eyes. At that very moment, you realized how much you loved seeing that boy happy. He was so beautiful. And you wanted to protect his kind soul.

"Can we do it again? I know I can do better"

"I will gladly repeat. As many times as you want"

***

By the time you closed the door of your apartment, Niragi had already left his backpack on the floor and was waiting for you to come closer to him.

"Seems like somebody is a bit eager"

"I´m sorry", he said, losing some of the self-confidence he displayed moments before. "I just…"

"I was just teasing you, Niragi"

You walked towards him and stood on tiptoe to get to his lips, wrapping your arms around his neck. He simply placed his hands gently on your waist and followed you to the couch. Niragi plopped down on the sofa and you straddle him. Since your first kiss, you decided to pick up Niragi everyday at the entrance of the library and walked together to your flat instead of staying there. You studied too but also had free time for you. You had started thinking that Niragi was trying to become a total expert in the whole kissing thing.

"Has been a good day at school?"

"Yeah, cool. Better now I´m here"

"I´m talking seriously, Niragi", you insisted, placing your hands on his chest to be able to look at him. "I want to be sure that you are alright"

"I know. And I appreciate it. But everything´s fine, Y/N"

"Well, I´m gonna try to believe you"

You continued kissing each other for a few. Your tongues were tangled and your saliva mixed. Niragi was a quick learner. When you bit his lower lip, he dug his fingers into your hips unconsciously.

"Do you want… more?"

"What do you mean?", he asked you in return, slightly frowned.

"I´m pretty sure you know what I mean. I can feel the bulge in your pants"

His face suddenly flushed and his hands left your body. Niragi even tried to push you into the sofa, embarrassed, but you reminded on top of him.

"I-I´m sorry. I-I didn´t want to make you feel uncomfortable"

"There´s nothing to be ashamed of. Actually, I would be offended if your body didn´t react in this way", you joked, but Niragi was still amazed. "And if you want it, I´m ready to move to the next level"

"I don´t know if I´m… I mean, I don´t know what to do"

"I know you are unexperienced, Niragi, but it´s not a problem for me. I can guide you", you assured to him. "However, you have to be sure that you really want to do it"

"I want to do it, I guess"

"You guess?", you repeated after him. Niragi was so insecure that he could start trembling at any time, so you decided to lend him a helping hand. "We can go ahead and, if you regret it or feel uncomfortable, we can stop whenever you want"

Niragi hesitated for a few seconds before nodding almost imperceptibly.

"Yeah, good. I like how it sounds", he said in a tone of voice so low that it was difficult to hear.

You started kissing him again slowly to restore his confidence, but this time, it didn´t take you long until you moved your lips to his neck. You felt honoured to hear his low moans as you kissed that sensitive part of his body and guided his hands to your hips again. 

"Can I unbutton your shirt?", you asked him gently.

"Yes, it´s fine"

You did it one by one, and when it was done, you left his neck to take care of his bared chest. It was pretty sad to discover some bruises there too. Niragi tensed up as he noticed your gaze on them.

"There are not recent", he promised you in a hurry. Instead of answering, you took off your own shirt and showed him the scar near your shoulder.

"This is from the last day I saw my father", you explained to his visibly puzzled grimace. "I used to have some bruises too, but they will disappear and, eventually, you will heal. People who hurt you can´t control your life. You have so many wonderful things to live, Niragi. And those assholes can´t destroy you"

Words were not coming out of his mouth. He was completely focused on your scar. And without doubting, he came up to kiss it gently. You gasped and entangled your fingers in his hair, letting him freedom to continue kissing your skin and your neck. He was trying to copy what you have done on him before. God, you wanted to go step by step, but you also needed him so bad.

"Should we go to my bedroom?"

"Yeah, I would like that"

In the living room, Niragi was more secure about it than he was when he saw the bed in front of him. He even gulped nervously, so you take his hand gently and guided him to sit on one side of the bed. You stayed upright caressing his hair.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes"

"Do you want me to stop? We don’t have to rush things"

"No. I´m sure. I want to do this", he nodded. "I want to do it with you, Y/N"

"Okay then"

You took off his shirt and caressed his chest, arms and back. The tingling of your fingertips gave him goosebumps. All these sensations were completely new to him.

Then, you got on your knees and put your hands on his trousers. Before getting rid of them, you gave him a glance waiting to his consent. And Niragi nodded again. Once done, you got back on your feet and guided his fingers to your own pants, encouraging him to do something besides staring at you. And with just your underwear, he lay back as you climbed in top of him.

"Don’t look at me like I scare you"

"You don´t", he assured you. "I´m just nervous. I don’t want to disappoint you"

"Get that idea out of your head because there is no way you can disappoint me. If I see you are enjoying it, I´m going to do it too"

You both kissed for a while as your hands explored each other’s body. Niragi was so shy at first but ended grabbing your breast firmly. His breathing got heavier in the moment you stroked his crotch. You got rid of your underwear and continued moving your hand up and down his length a few times. He already was completely hard and pre-cum was shining in his tip.

"How could you keep this secret away from me?"

"What are you talking about?", he asked to you but got puzzled by your naughty smile.

"I´m talking about what you hid under your pants. You are huge"

And immediately, Niragi was blush again. A pride and subtle smile appeared on his face even so. Maybe it was the first time you saw him being proud of something about himself. After the sex, you might teach him what else he should be proud of besides his dick.

"You mean it?"

"Yeah, I´m just telling you the truth", you said. And when you rubbed his tip against your wetness, Niragi moaned. It was time. "Are you ready? For sure?"

"Yes, I am"

"Can you see right without your glasses?"

"Yes, for sure. I forgot about them", he said before taking them off and leaving them on the night table.

"And do you want to switch positions or something?"

"I´m good here", he answered. "And you look so pretty up there"

You smiled tenderly.

"You are the sweetest boy I ever met, Niragi"

You kissed him one more time before burring yourself in his length inch by inch. Niragi opened his mouth widely as he chocked a moan in his throat. Feeling himself completely inside of you was much more than what he could afford; the sensation was more amazing than he could have ever imagined. That´s why you gave him a few seconds to recover.

"Are you alright?"

"I have never been better"

"I´m glad to hear that"

You started moving your hips up and down slowly. His sonorous moans were music to your ears. And as you speeded up the pace, you ended up moaning too. You had wanted this since your first kiss and it was so pleasant it finally happened. His hands clung to your thighs at the same time you descended to taste his lips again. Niragi could barely kiss you back, but he did his best. Nevertheless, after a few minutes, you felt his muscles tightening. You knew what that meant.

"I-I think… I am…", he scarcely could talk.

"I know. And it´s okay. I really want to see you cumming, babe"

You caressed his hair and his chest as you quickened your pace as much as you could. Niragi looked directly into your eyes, the pleasure burning in his gaze and his moans filling the room. God, he was even cuter when he was such a mess.

"I love you, Y/N", he confessed in a gasp. "Damn, I…"

A louder moan prevented him from continuing to speak. As he cum, you stopped the movement of your hips gradually. And shortly afterwards, you moved from the top of Niragi to lay back in the bed next to him. You still caressed his chest with your fingertips, smiling as you observe his desperate attempts to catch his breath.

"Was it good?"

"Was even better. Better than anything", he answered, slowly turning his face to you with an exhausted smile. However, it didn't take long for him to change it to a worried grimace. "I have finished too fast, right?"

"It´s your first time. It´s normal"

"I´m sorry"

"Don’t apologize, dumbass", you refuted. "It has been great. I promise. And practice makes perfect"

You hugged him by the waist and left a warm kiss in his shoulder.

"So… that means we can repeat it some time?", he asked, paused.

"I would like to. But you have had enough for today", you concluded before sitting up in the bed.  Instantly you opened your arms and nodded your head at him, telling him without words to come closer to you. "Sex is amazing but cuddling after sex is stunning too"

Although a bit reluctant, Niragi decided to accept your offer and put his head over your bared chest. His arms slowly moved until he was hugged to your body and, a pair of minutes later, Niragi took a big breath of air and let it out slowly. You continued caressing his hair and his back, hoping he didn´t fall asleep.

"You were right. It feels good too", he mumbled.

"I know, baby"

His hands clutched at your body with need, as if he never wanted to let you go again.

"You are the best thing in my life, Y/N. No one has ever cared about me as much as you do"

"Is that why you said that you loved me before?"

Niragi gulped on account of your words. Probably he was trying to make like if that never happened, but it did.

"I´m sorry"

"Stop apologizing"

"But I have to. It has been out of place. I was feeling so many things a-and I said it out loud, but I´m sorry"

"I´m not annoyed", you assured. "But I need you to understand that I don´t feel the same. At least not yet. Right now, I love you as a friend; falling in love takes time"

"I get it", he said, but you noticed a slightly disillusionment in is his voice.

"However… it´s also true that you are the only person who has captured my interest in a long time. So, it´s possible that it means something"

Niragi didn´t believe that anyone could ever notice him. He thought that everyone despised him; that he deserved all the hate he got; that he was only a piece of trash. And he believed that all was his fault for being born twisted. But you had proved him wrong; you had shown him the love he never had. And Niragi could never wish for more.

"Like you said before… We don´t have to rush things", he murmured tentatively.

"Yeah, I agree"

***

Your day was being a complete disaster. You had a mentoring early at the morning, but it took longer than you expected and you were late for work. As a result, you had left later too and, by the time you arrived to the entrance of the public library, Niragi should have been waiting for you for more than half an hour. As you noticed that he wasn´t waiting for you sitting in the stairs, a group of teenagers a few meters away caught your eye.

"So, you were hiding from us, huh?", one of them laughed.

"I told you he was here, guys", another said.

"You don´t want to spend some quality time with us after classes? We always have so much fun, don´t you think, Niragi?"

It took you a few seconds to realize that one of them had Niragi by the shoulders. He was clearly uncomfortable and these five boys would be his classmates; his bullies. They turned down the street into an alleyway and you didn´t hesitate before following them. They were too busy pushing a terrified Niragi against the wall to notice you until you raised your voice.

"Here you are, guys! It´s so nice to finally have the opportunity to meet you"

Five pairs of eyes were on you at once. They looked confused, but Niragi quickly recognised you.

"Y/N, it´s fine. You should go", he made an effort to keep his voice from trembling.

Or he didn´t want you to see what they were going to do to him, or he was afraid that they might do something to you as well.

"Do you know who she is? It´s your girlfriend or something?", one of them asked him, moody. The only thing that stood out about him was his bright yellow t-shirt.

"Huh? How is this freak going to be dating such a beautiful girl?", another answered, walking towards you with a cocky smile on his face. "Is there any problem, sweetie? I can help you with whatever you need"

"So nice of you to ask", you smiled too. "The truth is that my day has been awful, but I´m so lucky that you are here to make it better"

Before he could say anything, you punched him straight in the nose, making him cry out in pain as the blood began to flow. Suddenly, you kneed him in the crotch and grabbed him by the hair before he could even react.

"I assume that you, dickhead, are the leader of this deplorable gang", you said near his face. "And I am the person you should have never crossed paths with"

"You crazy bitch. I´m gonna…"

You pulled his hair harder, forcing him to shut up.

"What are you gonna do, huh?", you asked, but didn´t obtain any answer. Then you took something out of your pocket and pressed it again that boy´s crotch. His eyes widened, frightened. "Yeah, you are right, it´s a knife. So you should listen to me carefully. If I ever see Niragi again with another bruise, I´m gonna cut your disgusting little dick before you could use it at least once in your entire pathetic life"

You saw the fear reflected in his face. He was terrified. You even thought that he could pee his pants any moment.

"Have you understood what I said?"

"Yes"

"Louder! Have you understood?!"

"Yes! Yes! I promise! I won´t do it again!"

You let him go with a shove moments later. And when you put your sight in the other four kids, they seemed to be petrified.

"The threat goes to all of you", you warned them. "Does anyone have anything else to say?"

Three of them bowed their heads submissively, but the one in the yellow shirt was reluctant yet.

"There are four of us and he is just a girl. We can handle her", he told to his friends, seeking their support.

"Planning to assault a girl in group. So brave, sweetie", you answered, smiling tenderly. "Anyways, I´m going to be nice and warn you that, before entering in this alleyway, I have called the police. I told them that five guys were following me down the street and I was so freaking scared. I suppose that, if they catch you, they won´t be as kind as I am being with you"

"You have kicked one of us! And threatened us!", he shouted. "I am the one who is going to report you to the police"

"It´s your word against mine; an innocent pretty little lady vs five good-for-nothing jerks. Are you sure that they are going to believe you?"

"I can´t go to jail. I´m too young", one of them complained.

"Me too. We should run"

"Maybe we can hide before police came here"

"Finally one of you says something coherent", you commented.

Moments later, without even bothering to say goodbye, they started running out of the alleyway, helping his injured leader to run as fast as them.

"Nice to meet you, guys! You were right, it has been a lot of fun with you all!", you shouted, hoping they could still hear you.

Only when you saw them turning the street, you paid attention to the person who had been in the background all this time. You were alone with Niragi, who was looking at you like if he didn´t know you. He seemed unable to process what had just happened.

"Have I gone too far with them?"

"What the… What have you done?", he finally asked, bewildered.

"I´m sorry. Maybe I should have asked you before doing anything by my own"

"You have threatened them with cutting his…", Niragi couldn't even finish the sentence. "Why do you have a knife?"

"It´s not a knife. It´s a comb. A pocket´s comb", you said, opening and showing it to Niragi. "But that moron was too scared to look at it. And I have sound pretty convincing"

And just like that, after a few seconds of absolute silence, Niragi did something you didn´t expected: he laughed. He laughed so hard he had to lean against the wall. You let him let it all out until, just a few minutes later, he managed to calm himself down.  You've never seen him laughing like this before. And the truth is, it was a bit strange.

"Are you feeling well?"

"Are you kidding me? It has been incredible! I´m feeling more than well", he assured you. "But, what about the police?"

"It was a lie too," you answered. "I knew they would be such cowards"

You went to your house like you supposed to do before the incident happened. Sitting on the sofa with a soda everything seemed better, but Niragi still had too many questions in his mind. He was amazed.

"They were terrified", he smiled, but his gaze soon fell upon you. "I didn´t knew you could be so… I don´t know. I couldn´t imagine you like that"

"Now you know. I guess that´s what happens when life isn´t fair with you. You learn some tricks", you mumbled. "If nobody is there for you, you must become your own saviour. And when you have so much hate inside, your soul gets dark and rotten. That’s why I wanted to protect you before yours was too broken"

"But I don´t want you to protect me, Y/N. I want to be like you. I don´t want anyone to be able to hurt me again"

Niragi was freaking out; seemed astounded. You have never seen him like that, so full of life. You could see it in his eyes; maybe you were too late to save his kind soul. Maybe it wasn´t so kind since the beginning.

"You have enjoyed it. You didn´t just want them to stop; you wanted to fight back, to make them suffer"

Niragi bowed his head as if he were ashamed of his own thoughts. Or maybe he wasn´t ashamed of his mind at all, he only didn´t want anyone to discover all the dark things that were on it.

"There's no reason for you to lie to me. I had tried to prevent you from seeing that part of me because I didn´t want to lose you. I know I´m not a good person, Niragi, but I have no regrets about the way I am", you confessed. "And back there, in the alleyway, when your classmates left and you were looking at me, I have noticed the bulge in your pants. The situation has turned you on"

Niragi flushed and his knuckles turned white from clenching his fists in his lap.

"I can´t say out loud what´s on my mind. I´m twisted. A disgusting freak"

"Society may reject people like us. People who are so fucked up inside that only want to see the world burn. But you can be genuine with me. No matter what you say or what you do, I will never run away from you. Your dark side doesn´t scare me, Suguru"

Niragi´s eyes were wet. He always had thought that he will always be alone, but he saw a part of himself reflected on you. For the first time in his lifetime, he had been lucky to have your paths cross. And without hesitation, Niragi hugged you vehemently and you hugged him back trying to comfort him.

"Don´t ever leave me, Y/N. Please, don´t go"

"I won´t. I promise"

You felt his tears in your cheek and you held him tighter, but you allowed him to let it all out by crying. Sometimes people just needed to have someone by their side; someone to love them no matter what, despite their shortcomings. And from now on, you were going to be there for Niragi just as he was going to be there for you. Neither of you would ever be alone again.

[eats-all-your-shoes]

A FEW HERMITCRAFT FIC RECS BECAUSE THERE ARE NOT ENOUGH FIC REC POSTS!! (mostly alternate universes because i love aus SO much)

Alternate Perspectives by Boxmaker: Etho & Beef, Etho & Bdubs & Beef, Cub & Scar. Complete, 71k

[Etho is just an exceptionally normal guy living his best life. Until he becomes one of the few people to gain superpowers and gets approached with an enticing offer…

He's in over his head, isn't he?

Or: My Etho-centric atypical take on a superpower au, which devolves into something much bigger]

(i LOVE ethos powers in this it’s so cool)

Humanity (yours makes me sob) by Anonymous Bdubs & Mumbo, Bdubs & Xisuma, Bdubs & Etho, Mumbo & Xisuma Complete, 2.2k

[What defines a human?

Bdubs used to know, he doesn't anymore.

------

Bdubs is a human who lost what made him human sometime in his life. Mumbo accidentally finds it with a few words and an illness.]

Ties That Bind and Beseech Thy Soul by Interjection Grian & Mumbo, Grian & Taurtis Complete, 6.1k

[There's a doll with no face save for two black eyes that seem to pierce your soul. A doll with a red sweater and dark jeans and an even darker stare. A doll that inspires terror and curiosity and hope.

They may have underestimated the ease of containment for this one. Certainly, a select few individuals seem to believe so.]

(SCP crossover, though i don’t think much knowledge of scp is needed for this!!)

Documents Recovered From The Hermittopia Exclusion Zone, Joe Hills-Centric Complete, 2.9k

The descendants of Empires have contained and secured a reality-breaking tower from the age of myth. One day, a message from an ancient cosmonaut appears, as though flung between dimensions. This message begins:

Howdy, y’all! Joe Hills here, writing as I always do from a doomed world.

Long experience has taught me that all worlds are ultimately doomed, so that’s not an especially cool or helpful thing to say. Do you know the saying that goes: "If all your stories end with, 'and then something bad happened for no reason', maybe you’re the problem"? It’s good to keep in mind but I’m pretty confident it’s not relevant to this particular situation.

First, I do my best to spread sunshine wherever I go, not cataclysm. Second, in this case, the doom is clear and imminent! The moon is about to crash into the earth.]

(another SCP crossover, little/no knowledge of the foundation is needed, this is SO GOOD. SUCH A BANGER.)

Human Faces (in human places) by KiwiFruitWritings, Bdubs & Etho, Etho & Xisuma Complete, 9.7k

[On season eight of Hermitcraft, the moon's slow approach means that the night isn't really all that dark, anymore.

This proves to be problematic for some people. Bdubs suffers keenly from insomnia, and Etho struggles a bit more than the average person without a proper shadow.

These struggles lead to problems, principle of which is thus: no one knows what's behind Etho's mask- except Etho.]

(cryptid etho my BELOVEDD)

So, what’s with the coat? by dry_toast Etho & Bdubs, Etho & Beef, Etho & Bdubs & Beef Complete, 2.4k

[Bdubs wonders about the winter coat that Etho always wears]

(this entire series is so good!! and everything the author does too)

attempt thirty-three by Bee_4 Joe & Cleo, Joe & Scar, Joe & Cub Complete, 13k

[A glimpse at the thirty-third time Joe Hills has woken up on Monday at 6:00 AM, and the attempt he makes to stop doing that, ideally, or at least get closer to a state where he doesn't have to live these four days ever again.]

(AAAAAA LOVE THIS!!! and everything bee writes really)

Battle Scars by Riacte False & Ren & Hbomb & Fruitberries, False & Ren, Everyone & Everyone 26/?, 169k

[They are the crafters, the designers, stuck in 3-H, in the "H as in the Hermit" class. Discriminated and bullied by all those above them just because they're bad at sports. Everybody ignores, underestimates, and laughs at them. They are easy targets, the weaklings, the jokes of this damned school that’s ruled over by Stanley “Stan” Twitt.

Until four people get sick of it all.

Minecraft Championship never saw this coming.

-

A dramatic retelling of the MCC9 Blue Bats' legendary victory in fanfiction form. Hermit centric]

(long read but WORTH IT)

[nerdygaymormon]

Bishops Council

In my stake, twice a quarter the bishops get together with the stake presidency. I typically do not attend this meeting, but stake president invited me to come since one of the bishops had added "counsel with LGBT youth" as an agenda item.

The stake president has a gay son and is fully capable of speaking to this, but I appreciate that he wanted to include the point of view of someone who is queer.

When we got to this topic, the stake president shared a few slides I had sent him earlier based on some research done at Utah State University.

The stake president then spoke about things he has learned as the dad of a gay child. Primarily that it is his job to love, and his son is going to have his own journey. The things he has learned as the parent of a queer child has helped him be a better stake president.

One of the bishops shared that when he was newly called three years ago that I sent him an email with 10 suggestions. He keeps that email bookmarked and has referred to it several times over the years. It helped him understand his role and that he could be confident in meeting with queer individuals and help them feel seen, loved, and valued. Then he read the list while wiping away tears, and I also was moved to tears to hear him share how impactful these suggestions were for him

David's list of 10 suggestions for bishops

All LGBT members need a trusted adult in their life who loves, supports and sustains them, no matter which path they choose.

When someone “comes out” they should be greeted with love, validation and hope, not a lecture on repentance or reminder of the Church’s stance on same-sex marriage  

Create a safe culture for the LGBT person. This could include speaking to youth and YSA about what sort of conversation their bishop would have with them if they come out, that it’s okay if now is not the right time to come out, and there is no shame to the person or their family if they are gay/trans. There's a good chance there's some LGBT people in your ward, even if you don't know who they are.

Don’t use words like “struggling” or say they’ll be “fixed” in the resurrection

Our Heavenly Parents love their LGBT children, we should give them unconditional love and support and recognize they will bless the lives of others

LGBT individuals are more likely to be the victims of bullying and violence than any other minority group in the USA. Be on the lookout for youth or young adults who may be doing & saying unkind things.  

Know the signs of suicide and depression. LGBT people are at much higher risk. It’d be a good idea for youth leaders to have some training in this.

Encourage them to pray and ask if God loves them as they are 

Especially before or after lessons about marriage, say something like “I know there are people in this ward who cannot be married because of same-sex attraction or other reasons. I love you, and the Lord has a plan for you.”

Know that studies show that being active in the LDS church is often detrimental to the mental health and quality of life for LGBT people. For a person’s well-being, they may decide they need a break. Make sure they know they’re welcome to come back.

I then blurted out, "I'm gay, just in case anyone didn't know." A counselor in the stake presidency said, "Duh, we all know you're a happy guy."

Another bishop shared that he has a child who recently came out as trans and is in their first semester of college. This child hasn't fully discussed this with the family but is using this time away to experiment with what feels right to them. He loves this child and wants them to be their best and to be comfortable with themselves and it's taking some adjustments for him to understand and change his dreams for them.

Then my bishop shared that I had given him the same 10 suggestions when he was first called and he feels it has helped him be successful as a bishop to queer youth. He shared an incident that happened recently which involved a young women leader overhearing part of a conversation between two teens. He didn't share the specifics of the discussion other than it was about being gay. The leader was uncomfortable with what she heard and spoke about it at ward council.

Another bishop commented, "Oh yes, ward council, that's the right place to discuss that" as he rolled his eyes.

The stake president said a better approach would've been for the leader to ask the girls to share more with her, to be open to a conversation with them, rather than run to the ward council to share how shocked and uncomfortable she was.

I thought it was a good discussion even though I wound up saying very little. I had prepared some thoughts ahead of time that I could use as reference, and I sent them by email to the bishops (see below).

————————————————————

There are queer individuals who attend our congregations, many of whom aren't out to everyone, and so you speak to queer people even if you don't know who they are.

We are children of God, we deserve to hear good news, to have hope, to feel loved. Unfortunately that doesn’t happen often enough in church settings. People who interacted with Christ left feeling uplifted and that would be a good goal for us.

In 2019, the former stake president said this in Bishops' Council: LGBT individuals are some of the most patient people you’ll ever meet. They’ve heard more hurtful words than most any of us will hear in our entire lifetime. That doesn’t mean they’re immune to the words. There are LGBT members who come to church and they deserve to hear good words, to be welcomed and loved and be strengthened in the gospel.

Handbook 38.6.15 The Church encourages families and members to reach out with sensitivity, love, and respect to persons who are attracted to others of the same sex. The Church also promotes understanding in society at large that reflects its teachings about kindness, inclusiveness, love for others, and respect for all human beings.

Handbook 38.6.23 Transgender individuals face complex challenges. Members and nonmembers who identify as transgender—and their family and friends—should be treated with sensitivity, kindness, compassion, and an abundance of Christlike love. All are welcome to attend sacrament meeting, other Sunday meetings, and social events of the Church

When my bishop was first called, a member of the ward asked me if I thought the new bishop would be safe to meet with and share his orientation. I sent the bishop an email to find out and received this beautiful response:

David, Thank you for sharing this with me. I hope that the Spirit can guide me to treat LBGTQ members and investigators with love and respect. I’m not sure what your journey has been, but I would guess that it has included anguish, heartbreak and innumerable unintentional and even some intentional wounds. As far as I am aware, I am the only person called to be a judge in the ward, and I believe that office is to help everyone come to Christ, not send any away. I may not fully appreciate how or which traditions and traditional phrases may carry messages of exclusion, but I am open to learning a better way. I hope that I can “make the pathway bright” for LBGTQ members and friends. In hope, Bishop

One of the scariest parts of coming out is not knowing how the other person will respond. The previous stake president at a youth fireside shared how he would react if a person met with him and shared that they are LGBTQ.

I would thank you for trusting me enough to share this with me.

If you're willing, I'd like for you to share with me some about your journey up to this point.

I would offer to give you a blessing.

Regardless of whether you accepted or declined the offer of a blessing, I'm a hugger so I'd ask if I can give you a hug.

I'd invite you to come see me again when you want to talk some more.

Questions many LGBTQ+ members would welcome from their church leaders (these come from the fourth option)

What does being LGBTQIA+ mean for you at this time?

What has been difficult about being an LGBTQIA+ member of the church? What's been fulfilling?

What do you want your future to look like?

What do you believe or want to believe?

What revelation have you received, if any, about your path in life?

What's on your mind related to your sexuality or gender identity and faith?

How has being queer influenced your relationship with Christ?

How can we best support you?

Do you feel safe in our congregation? What can we do to make it safer?

Has anyone said or done anything to make you feel unwanted in the ward?

From what you've observed so far, how can we improve as a ward?

How would you like to be involved in the ward?

What callings would you feel comfortable with?

What skills would you like to use to contribute to our ward? 

What else would you like me to know?

Things ward & stake leaders can do (also from the fourth option)

Pray for guidance on how to make your ward safer and more inclusive for LGBTQIA+ members (out or not)

Call LGBTQIA+ members to callings in a range of auxiliaries

Invite LGBTQIA+ members to share their experiences in fifth Sunday lessons, firesides, ward councils meetings, etc

Encourage your stake to call an LGBTQ fellowship coordinator

Speak to LGBTQIA+ members over the pulpit and in lessons (move away from the "use vs. them" mentality; show that we're part of every ward, out or not)

Include LGBTQIA+ members in discussions about ministering and and outreach

Regularly check in with us to see if anyone is making us feel unsafe

Get to know us personally

Wear a rainbow pin or similar thing to indicate that you're an ally

Speak in support of LGBTQIA+ people and help others remember that we are children of God

Ask your ward or stake to start a support group for LGBTQIA+ members, families, and allies (volunteer to help if possible)

Pray for guidance on how to best minister to LGBTQIA+ individuals in your ward

Pray for God to reveal more about His plan for His LGBTQIA+ children

Correct people when they say uninformed or hateful things

Listen to our stories, sit in our pain, celebrate our joy

Studies show that on average gay men (and I suspect this is true of queer people in general) are more creative, have higher IQ’s and higher emotional intelligence, have more compassion and are more cooperative and have less hostility. Of course someone with these qualities is going to bless the lives around them.

We have a stake group for LGBTQ members, and their family, friends and allies, which meets about every other month. For more information, contact me.

[mushroommanstan]

university!au please!! infamous!shiggy with average s/o 🤼‍♀️ pls i

Oh anon, how did you know I’ve been wanting to write a college au Shig for a while? You must be psychic or something, very impressive!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creepy Tenko Part One:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Anyways, I know you want the smut and shit but there’s a few things about Tenko that make him so infamous.

First off, his backstory. Basically, he was kidnapped by AFO as usual, but he was rescued by heroes this time a few months after. Unfortunately, a lot of damage had already been done.

The heroes were embarrassed as hell that they took so long to save him, and as a publicity act, paid to put him through elementary school, middle school, high school and hell even college. The big package.

Because of that, his entry was guaranteed since he was like 6. Obviously, this is gonna turn some heads.

Now this guy was infamous around campus for many reasons. For starters, growing up murdering his family and spending a summer with your local serial killer is gonna be the headline of his life. Everyone knows about that, and he doesn’t even deny it.

Also, because of that experience he has major ptsd and schizophrenia, causing a few tiny violent outbursts throughout his childhood. But it’s fine, he’s medicated now… most of the time.

He’s also very aloof, not talking to anyone if he can help it. He’s used to bullying, and at this point has pretty much given up making any friends. He’s so used to people being scared of him, just like his old master said, that he kind of embraces it, not even trying to hide when he stares at people for hours on end.

Oh yeah, and the stares. This guys got a dark ass aura. His blazing red eyes burn a hole in the back of the women he stares at. He’s a smart guy, he doesn’t need to pay attention to the whole lesson to get the gist. So lucky him, he can spend the rest of the class period staring at some chick while discreetly touching himself under the desk. Make eye contact with him if you dare.

The thing that completely tanked his reputation however, was when one guy got pissed at him for making goo-goo eyes at his girlfriend all day. He stopped him on his way to his dorm, punching him which made him stumble.

Something flew out of his hoodie pocket, and the man picked it up, students gathering around as he faced poor Tenko.

Tenko looked mortified, tears gathering in his eyes, but he wasn’t looking at his attacker. He was looking at his stolen object. The assailant hadn’t gotten a good look at what he was holding, and by the look on the freaks face it meant something to him.

The other students who gathered around screamed, some running to hurl in the nearby trash cans. When he finally looked at what he was holding it took him a good second to figure out what it was.

It was cold and grey. Fleshy with a golden back and… fingernails. Wait… was that… oh my god.

He yelled throwing the detached hand into the air, Tenko diving to catch it. He could feel himself losing control, his old senseis voice overtaking his brain and making his whole body shiver. He-he needed to calm down.

Tenko rose, pressing the cool hand into his face as he took deep breaths. He stopped trembling, and for a second, even with the screaming and yelling and trampling, everything was calm.

Obviously he got in trouble for having a murder scene victim’s body part in his possession, but Tenko knew from experience that no matter whatever bullshit they tried to scare him with, they couldn’t expel him.

He was like a mascot for the heroes’s new scholarship program. No way they would let him get expelled just because he kept a memento of his lost family. So, like always they payed them off. But the students remembered, and the guy who held the disembodied hand needed therapy.

So, not only was he a creep who got off to pictures of feet in the bathroom during homeroom, he also was a creep who kept a souvenir of his first murder victim with him at all times. Weird weird weird.

And then you came along.

He didn’t think much of you, that was, until you decided to sit down in one of multiple empty seats bordering his desk. No one ever sits this close.

Well… he had to admit… you were pretty. With your silky (h/c) hair, and your brilliant eyes, and your juicy, plump…. Eh-hum, personality.

He couldn’t stop himself from staring, not like he tried. You’ll learn soon enough that he’s a creep, and then he’ll be alone again. Yep. All on his own. Terrific.

His eyes bore into you, not just in one place but all over. Scanning over your body and memorizing every detail. From this close he could truly see how smooth and soft your skin was. And he could smell your perfume. What was that, lilac?

“Oh, do you like the perfume? I just got it! It’s lilac!”

Shit. You must have a mind reading quirk. He could feel his face growing bright red at the idea of you seeing the foul things he imagined in the last minute or so.

Truthfully you only knew because you could hear him sniffing the air like a puppy exploring a grassy field for the first time.

As the class went on you looked at him occasionally, not flinching whatsoever at the intense eye contact he returned. You had to admit… he was pretty cute. With eyes like those he should be the center of attention yet here he is sulking in the back of the class. Well, whatever, not your business.

The professor droned on about who knows what, making the both of you slump over your desks with boredom. You were praying for an oasis in the midst of this dry, dull desert of a classroom, when you heard a familiar sound.

Beep-boop, boop bleep!

You could recognize that sound anywhere! That was… that was…

You had to stop yourself from slamming your hands on the table in shock. The cute guy sitting next to you was playing the limited edition “Super Hero Adventure Deluxe” for the gameboy advance. (Not an actual game I think)

Aka, the only game in the Super Hero Adventure franchise you had yet to play. The one you had scoured EBay for forever. Holy shit, marry me!

You couldn’t help yourself, despite not knowing this guy in the slightest you pressed yourself into his shoulder, scaring the shit out of him and causing almost everyone to stop and look at you. You looked down at the pixelated screen, currently being death gripped by gloved hands as your cheek smushed against his fluffy black hair.

Tenko could feel his body shutting down from the inside. The sudden physical contact, the fact it was from a hot girl, and the realization she had an interest in his favorite game was all too much. Everyone watched as he pushed you away, screaming at you to stay away from him with some fairly colorful language.

Your expression darkened, and you grabbed him by the collar of his shirt. Having used to people tucking in their tail, he had to say he was not at all prepared for this. He didn’t actually want to fight you, he just wanted you to back off! … don’t make him fight you, you’re the first girl to touch him in years.

You both held intense eye contact for what felt like forever, but in reality was for only a second.

“You do not talk to me like that. Understand?”

Oh boy. Oh-ho-ho BOY you were awakening something in him he didn’t know he had. His face turned tomato red and his ire-filled glare turned into a soft gaze filled with child-like wonder. Not being able to speak he shakily nodded, hand raising up to feel along the one gripping his shirt. His fluffy hair bounced a little as he nodded.

You let go, returning to your seat with a huff and turned your head, and you were met with the utterly shocked faces of your classmates. They looked at you like you had just slain a dragon.

Meanwhile Tenko said nothing, face still completely red as his foggy mind spent the rest of class processing these new feelings that came up. The way you touched him, the way you scolded him! It was so… mean. So entitled. So dominant.

He wants more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Believe me, I will be doing a part two! Thanks again for the ask, it finally gave me the kick in the pants I needed to write this!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

This is a personal post about boarding school experience and its later effects in life. It will be under keep reading so anyone can scroll over it if they don't want to read it. It's mostly for me and the need to express the thoughts I've been having and I need an outlet for that.

I've been reading once again about boarding school syndrome all day since this morning. I don't know why I do this to myself. Why I feel the need to go back to all that as if to check if all the damage is still there. Or like a way to pity myself and then to hate it for feeling sorry for myself once again. It's a cycle. I must have remembered something last night before falling asleep because I found myself today at 10 am reading a research paper on it and then looking up testimonials in reddit.

But the thing is, most of the research is done on English boarding schools and as much as the overall experience is similar, there are so many nuances in the differences that exist.

I vividly remember looking out the window and watching my parents get in the car and leave. It was Sunday evening and they had the car parked on a smaller street in downtown where I was left to stay. The next day was the first day of school and I was 11, starting 5th grade.

I read that in cases of children going to boarding school, a lot of them remember in detail the moment the separation took place. And it's true even if it's been almost 20 years since then. That's when my stomach issues began. Of course the cause was emotional stress, but that didn't stop from going to medical clinics weekly to do full check ups when any adult should have realized that I was just homesick. The year after, I began to feel nausea each Monday morning. I used to beg my parents to postpone my return as much as possible so I would only leave home on Monday and arrive an hour before classes would start. For five years I went to school in the afternoon. The nausea became a constant. I would complain on that day, hoping my mother would tell me that I don't have to go to school. But I couldn't understand at that time that my mother was emotionally unavailable and had no idea how to deal with her daughter's real needs.

But I kept going and as years went by, I got used to it and it felt easier by the time I finished high school. When I was already in college, I had forgotten half of my experience and I would gloss over what happened. I would act proud of how fast I had become independent, without needing any help, as if that was a good thing.

Of course that at some point I slowly started to realize that not everything went that well, but either way, that perhaps it was worth the sacrifice if I manage to do something well professionally. Eight years of boarding school meant sacrifices and financial investment. For me to go to the most prestigious middle school (I had to take an English exam for 5th grade, that was unheard of at that time in any other school!), then to the most prestigious high school to receive the best grades which would help to get into the most prestigious university so I can study exactly what I want because by then I found my passion. And I was encouraged. So I worked for it for more than a decade because all the pain had to have been worth it. Yes, parts of life sucks, but perhaps a uni position while I teach and research would compensate for it. But it never did and that entire plan fell to pieces because life doesn't work how I wanted to.

So was all that worth it in the end? Absolutely not.

For years I would think and say that I never suffered bullying in school because my colleagues were nice and for the most part, I had nice experiences. And that's still true. While at the same time forgetting that I also had that other life in boarding school where 17-18 year girls found abuse a form of entertainment.

Bullying is such a common occurence but it gets worse in boarding school because you can't get to any space that feels safe. You can't get home to your own room and to your own parents who might notice something and intervene. In boarding school you have to sleep in the same room and next to the same bed as your abusers. You take showers next to them, hoping that nothing happens. It's living in constant fear.

All my emotional mechanisms have developed during those years, especially between the ages of 11-13. I quickly learned to avoid any type of conflict because that would mess up whatever aparent peace that existed from time to time. I learned that speaking up and telling the adults responsible meant that I was in more danger.

As adults, those who went through the boarding school experience have trouble maintaining relationships. We become self sufficient because we had to. There was no help so we learned to take care of ourselves. Consequently, we don't need other people, especially if we know they will eventually abandon us. Of course attempts are made because it's in our nature. I've lost friendships because rather than making myself heard and to be an active participant in a relationship, I distanced myself. It's easier than to speak because there's a risk that the other person would certainly decide to break the friendship. Avoid conflict at all costs, even it rots everything from the inside. I'm still actively doing this.

When I told my therapist about these experiences (which I don't think I'll talk about in detail here), she used the word trauma. To this day, I have a hard time accepting it. Because deep down I still don't believe that my experience was that bad to be labeled that way. It's not real trauma if nothing really actually "bad" happens.

It's only bad enough that it infiltrated and influenced all aspects of my entire life. From personal relationships to professional. The latter I used to think it was independent and untouchable of all the things I had going on personally. But of course to realize as an adult that the need for perfection, the impostor syndrome, all are a result of never feeling good enough which stems from the initial abandonment.

I find it hard to accept that some decisions taken 20 years ago without me having any real say in it (I was asked and I said yes because my parents know best) and the consequent experiences that I had to go through have negatively influenced my entire life. For many years I never looked at aspects of my life, thinking that something is not well and should be investigated. I was busy in my 20s with other thoughts without realizing the root cause of why I was doing some things. But by the time that decade was over, it's like everything is crashing down. Piece by piece. Every single aspect of my life had been fucked by that thing my therapist calls trauma.

[mikuni14]

Sugar Dog Life Ep 2-3 There's practically nothing going on in this series in terms of romance, I don't even feel any chemistry or anything between the MLs, and yet I really enjoy watching it - mainly because of Isumi 💖 What a cute and charming character, the actor is just just perfect. He's not only charming in appearance, with his big eyes and sweet face, but he's also a great character, so ineresting and lively. I love his inner voice, he's like the best seiyuu who can perfectly convey all emotions with his voice, and who is also naturally comical. I love all the sounds he makes, his "tch" 😒 "uuaahh" 😧 and stuff. Tanaka Koki as Isumi is 10/10. The funny thing is, I ship him more with his schoolmate who he's constantly fighting with lol. I genuinely like this show, I don't even care about the romance tbh, probably because it's non-existent anyway and I didn't have time to get invested, like in I hear the sunspot 😄

Cosmetic Playlover - Ep 4-6 I also like this series, the MLs have intense, interesting lives, their careers, I also like how their romantic and work lives are shown with all the good and bad things. I like how the pride, ethic and commitment to work and support in a good team are shown but also the toxicity of relationships between envious coworkers, bullying, overworking, building their careers, ect. I really like how they talk to each other a lot, how they screw up but apologize and try to explain themselves. I like how they discuss themselves, their feelings, their relationship. I like that uke is not shown as a helpless doll to be possessed and controlled by a "perfect" seme who seems to know everything. I like how they are different from each other and how this relationship works for them despite these differences, how they try to understand and complement each other. I like watching their efforts to make their relationship happen and work. I REALLY liked that a character writes a sincere, emotional text to their beloved and SENDS IT. In 99% of these types of scenes, someone writes a heartfelt text about their feelings and then deletes it, creating another drama...

I'm praising this series now because the trailer suggests that the next episode will suck and all their healthy communication will go to hell in the name of the most hated tropes ever, like "noble sacrifice" and "I know what's best for you without asking you about it" lol But for now - this is a really nice little series 😊

Takara's Treasure - Ep 7-8 I'm still fascinated/mortified by this relationship and how it's presented. Takara, who is perfectly aware and in tune with his feelings, his experiences, traumas, needs. He can identify and name what he feels, as well as control himself and his feelings. And Taishi, who can't do any of that. Takara, who consciously leads his own life and Taishi, who is unable to do anything, make any decision on his own without the influence of others, without asking them what he should do, even for others to tell him what he feels. Takara, who has his own life and Taishi, who has Takara's life, who built his entire being around him, went to his university, constantly checks what he likes, stalks him and stares at him to catch even the slightest changes in his face, completely losing himself in what Takara wants, likes, feels, putting him on a pedestal where everything Takara does and likes is perfect. Even their date, which was shown as Takara wanting to know what Taishin likes, actually IS about Takara. Taishin is constantly making sure that Takara is having fun, that the food is to his liking. It is significant, for example, that Taishin never says "I'm hungry/ I'm thirsty, let's go eat something, what do you think?" he just has to make sure that Takara wants it first. There is no "I" in Taishin's life, it's only senpai. And their scene from the previous episode, when Taishin is scared of Takara's reaction (!!) and literally shrinks and tries to appaer smaller when Takara tells him to come closer and when he sits there crying and small and it all ends with a kiss - ngl, as an adult woman, the only thing I felt for Taishin at that moment was the need to comfort him that no, honey, no one is mad at you and maybe call his mom. I'll be honest, I have no idea how someone could think at that moment: yes, I want to kiss this terrified, lost, emotionally undeveloped person. Maybe because of my age, maybe because people who need to be taught about life and their own feelings remind me too much of children for my own comfort, but I will never understand this type of relationship portrayed as something romantic and cute. Maybe in the manga it makes sense and has a different tone and there Taishin is not so blatantly childish, but simply innocent and an airhead. But the series Taishin IS mentally a child (and in behavior, movements and speech), especially compared to the mature, self-aware Takara. This relationship is not and will never be equal, which can be seen in literally every aspect (including the way they walk together, Takara always in front, Taishin toddling timidly behind), which will never be healthy. No matter how much Takara sincerely likes Taishin now. Because leading someone through life who should be your equal and support you exactly the same in life, but is not, is not possible in the long run. At some point Takara will also need help and support, something that can't be fixed with a smile and a crystal ball. And it may turn out that this relationship stands entirely on Takara, on his strength and his leadership.

I Hear the Sunspot - Ep 9 Wow, 3 episodes in a row when I don't have a good time, and only feel frustration and bitterness. I feel like I have to praise them for their commitment lol

[unscrupulousartist]

Kickstarter Update #2

Cross-posted from Kickstarter:

A few things I'm looking forward to in October...

Hullo, hullo! Welcome to Update #2.

First and foremost, thank you to everyone who's supported my campaign so far. :) This first week I was hit by an influx of spam marketers and questionable conversations that, while a shitty achievement badge in general, I was unprepared for emotionally; but each and every one of you has been a reminder that there are real people out there who want to support real art.

Speaking of supporting real art... there are some exciting things coming up in October that I'm looking forward to supporting in my life, and perhaps it'll be stuff you'd want to support, too.

IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER 

October 15th—Confluence ft. Publishing Goblin | @publishinggoblin

Confluence is on my radar because of my low-key obsession with Publishing Goblin—'cause come on, how great of a name is that? I've supported previous Publishing Goblin projects and will likely support more of their projects in the future. Publishing Goblin brought me The Alleyman Tarot, will eventually bring me The Hot Housewife Tarot, and has been steadily working through several poetry projects. As a bit of a goblin myself, I've got a starry eyed vested interest in seeing another cool creative make art and succeed in this world; for it's art that makes the rest of it worth living.

Confluence has beautiful artwork, a trusted artist working with a diverse team, and is a perfect excuse to throw dice into trays and laugh with friends. Full disclosure: this is likely to be a nice little gift for my TTRPG loving step-son, and we'll see about bullying him into running a little campaign for me and his dad. 

October 22nd—A Fool's Errand by J Strautman | @strautmaskreplica & B Marsollier | @b-marsollier

In other TTRPG news, your friends and mine over at Planet Arcana have designed their own tarot-based system.  A Fool's Errand puts your party into the world of Planet Arcana, with it's lavish landscapes, brilliant beasts, and arcane insight. You don't need to be familiar with the podcast to enjoy the game; but if you're looking for an award-winning group of Canadians playing through a unique Tarot-Inspired universe, it's definitely worth a listen. 

Playtesting our own little calamity has been a highlight of my still-very-novice RPG experiences. I get to live out my piscean fantasties as an angry waterbreathing aquean composite, and weave a tale of prophet and mystery with some storytelling friends. We're only a few sessions into our campaign, but it promises to be a fun experience. 

Sometime in October, Probably—Refugium by Simon Roy | @simon-roy

And I would be remiss not to include my favourite comics on my list. Refugium is the third book in Simon Roy's Griz Grobus series, following the eponymous first book Griz Grobus and the second, Miramar. Simon's a fantastically detailed comic artist and works with a wonderful colourist, Sergey Nazarov, to bring this galaxy-spanning universe to life. It's already funded, but you can buy the backlog or support Simon on Patreon while you wait for whatever he makes next. I'm trying to be patient while I wait for my copy of Refugium to arrive—hopefully sometime this month.   

Can you think of anything else exciting happening this month? Let me know. :) I always like finding new artists to swoon over. 

Stay Rested, Audrey

[sketch-guardian]

I feel like I need to start adding a -___ anon because of how much I send requests now, I would love to send them without anon but it’s honestly so scary to post or comment anything 😞

I don’t know if you’re very comfortable with writing certain types of mental illnesses, like I saw on your boundaries post that you were fine writing mental and physical conditions but I just wanna know if you’re comfortable with a request where child mc has like ptsd or depression and always seems to be sad and gloomy (turns out it’s from bullying back in the home realm.) I really like seeing posts where child mc isn’t very energetic since I didn’t really get that very happy experience and can’t relate (〃▽〃)

Also I wish there was a snow leopard emoji, that’d be so cool. I love snow leopards

SORRY IF THIS IS A LOT OF WORDS, IM STILL REALLY NEW TO SENDING STUFF THAT ISNT TO PEOPLE I KNOW 🫶🏻🫶🏻

Well, there's no obligation to add a -___ anon, only if you feel like it🤷🏻and don't worry, I know how scary it can be to write openly to people you don't know or are close to🙈so it doesn't matter the number of asks you send, if you prefer to stay anonymous, so be it, it's not a problem☺As a (hopefully) future psychologist (I'm still studying at university-), it doesn't make me uncomfortable to talk about such topics, I just hope to write them well and not make too many mistakes😖so your ask is perfectly fine and I thank you for asking anyway just to be safe💜Furthermore, as a child I was very quiet and lazy, I was sometimes compared to a doll even though I was content, so more or less I can relate and I hope you are doing better now✨Also I agree, more animal emojis should be added💕(perhaps you could be snow leopard anon?🤔). Now let's get started with the platonic headcanons, I assumed you wanted all OCs btw🙈:

"RAD CLASSMATES+NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS WITH A CHILD MC WHO HAS DEPRESSION/PTSD"

DEMYA

Demya didn't spend an exactly normal childhood, firstly due to the type of environment in which she was born as a demon, part of a bloodthirsty tribe, and secondly due to the events that characterized her turbulent past, that is, having seen her family die in front of the her eyes and then being imprisoned in a human circus as a freak, chained and malnourished, only later when she was freed was she able to begin her journey of recovery. Demya might seem brash and prone to violence, in some respects she is, however she softens towards children and with child MC in particular she would be very protective, especially considering what they had to go through. Demya would not tolerate abuse towards child MC and would ask them to give her all the names of those who bullied them on Earth, not to kill them, not wanting to get child MC into trouble and considering that most likely the bullies are children as well, but simply to scar them for life and thus prevent them from finding other victims, the sight of her bloodied on the ceiling should be enough. Demya would also feel sorry for child MC being miserable most of the time and would try in her own way to make them happier, to make them overcome their trauma, because together they are stronger, Demya would always welcome child MC into her arms in case of need of comfort and they could stay in her nest (of blankets and pillows) for as long as they need to

DOMNRA/MOBIM

Domnra had a fairly normal childhood, according to celestial standards at least, given that as a soldier, he was trained to fight from a young age. The most difficult period of Domnra's life began after his fall from the Celestial Realm and after Mobim's birth, it took him time to metabolize and get used to the new situation. Child MC would remind Domnra of Mobim during its first days of existence: small, weak, helpless and afraid. Having matured over time and having learned to take care of Mobim, Domnra would try to help child MC learn how to defend themselves, both physically and emotionally, from bullies or fears, because they would have the full right to assert their own person. Domnra would become like child MC's shadow, always at their side in case of danger, as a figure to hide behind or as a shoulder to cry on, anyone who mistreats child MC should pass through Domnra first if they have the courage. Mobim would also help make child MC feel less sad, becoming their friend, playmate and comforting them, without the need for words and showing child MC that crying is good for letting off steam

AZUL

Azul was a happy and energetic child, who enjoyed running among flowers along with colorful butterflies, without a care in the world, his mood management problems began in adulthood, after his fall from the Celestial Realm. Azul is a very empathetic demon when it comes to feelings, especially those of people he cares about, so when he would sense child MC's sadness, his colors would change from light blue to dark blue in a sense of recognition and Azul would carry child MC in his arms, to comfort and console them. Azul would be worryingly quiet at the news of child MC being a victim of bullying and it's likely that one day, in the form of a spirit, he will enter the bullies' bedroom and scare them so much that they will never repeat such actions again. Azul would try to help and support child MC to find a way to express themselves, such as drawing or photography and as he is better trained in managing emotions, he would try to help child MC overcome their depression, one step at a time, always by their side, showing pride at every small milestone achieved

ZURI

Since she was a child, Zuri has always followed a rather rigid discipline and had to meet very high expectations from other angels towards her, therefore she didn't spend much time playing or having fun as perhaps it would have been more appropriate for a young angel, too busy excel and show herself as a symbol of purity. Old habits die hard, so even after she became a demon, Zuri remained a perfectionist, however she would never want something like that for child MC, after the way they have already suffered. With Zuri, there would be no expectations of happiness and joy to respect, but rather a probable professional therapeutic path, for child MC's sake, to provide them with the tools to process their trauma and work on their depression. Zuri would probably explain to child MC that the bullies who bothered them have likely been through difficult situations, however that doesn't excuse their actions and child MC would not be required to forgive them, but rather to move on with their life and heal. Anyone who has any comments to make about child MC's behavior should respond personally to Zuri and while not often very loving, Zuri would cradle child MC in her arms during depression or ptsd episodes

ODON

Odon had a bizarre childhood due to their ancient eldritch nature, they don't know what it means to have a family and as a child they did anything to feel a single emotion, even if it meant committing genocide. Over time Odon got "bored", because suffering became repetitive and they realized that showing kindness received much more interesting and varied reactions, that was the reason for the beginning of Odon's change for the better, however difficulties weren't lacking, since everyone was too afraid of them. Odon knows what it means to be marginalized and isolated, they also know sadness although they don't show it, therefore Odon would be very understanding and patient with child MC's issues, accompanying them step by step during their growth. No sane person would be stupid enough to bully child MC given Odon's reputation, so they would stop being teased, while as for the rest, Odon would read stories with child MC on their lap while they drink a hot beverage, to make them feel protected and safe for once, with even the eye-like creatures in tow as silent guardians. Odon would go back to being the monster they were in order to ward off the evil that afflicts child MC, after all, how could pain approach child MC, in Odon's even scarier presence?

REMIEL

Remiel had a lonely childhood and not exactly by choice. As a half angel-half nephilim, many angels, the most conservative ones, have always seen Remiel as a sin, an impure angel not worthy of being called such and having always been very literal-minded, despite the reassurances from her mother Azrael and her father Death, Remiel could never help but see such statements as the truth, because after all they weren't entirely wrong, she wasn't a pure celestial being, she have learned to live with it, however Remiel would see child MC's situation as unfair, being different. Since both child MC and Remiel are often gloomy and somber, they could actually be mistaken for related. As an angel of death, Remiel would frequently face issues such as depression and negative feelings, therefore she would be quite capable of making child MC feel better, having comforted several human souls in the past. One thing that child MC would appreciate before going to sleep would be, for example, having Remiel embrace them with her wings while softly humming them a lullaby that her mother Azrael used to sing to her when she was a child

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel, although he has always been a quiet angel even as a child, who let himself be carried away by the course of events, has always felt as if he was not in control of his actions, as if his destiny was in the hands of someone superior who controlled his every move and emotional response. As an extremely patient angel, caring for and managing a child MC with depression or ptsd would not necessarily be a problem, if anything a challenge, which Nathaniel would not intend to give up or abandon for any reason. Nathaniel would try to teach child MC how to let non-constructive criticism and insults slide over them, using failures as material to grow and improve, killing with kindness when possible those who show resentment towards them for no reason. Nathaniel is chill, but when annoyed he would be quite scary, so people would hardly bother child MC in his presence, also Nathaniel would show child MC the wonders of the world, trying to rekindle the spark of life in them. Nathaniel would always be child MC's guide

URIEL

Uriel's childhood was characterized by continuous attempts on her part to show her worth of becoming a warrior angel and by seeking compliments to feel valid, no matter how many times she fell and felt inadequate, she always got up in order to reach her goals and Uriel would like to help child MC achieve their dream whatever it may be, however she's aware that first they should be motivated enough and that currently it would be too soon. Uriel would see child MC being a victim of bullying as a real violation of justice and as an angel who represents it, she would go straight to the bullies, making them regret and reconsider every choice in their life and she would force them to apologize to child MC personally, with the threat of them going to hell if they act bad again or even worse, even if they ended up in heaven, then they would have to deal with Uriel. Uriel would act as child MC's shield and sword, promising that when they're unable to fight, she will protect them, for as long as they need, that she'll be the rock on which they can lean when they don't feel well

(also here's a small bonus of some OCs reaction to child MC fighting back against a bully):

[hermionc]

have not been able to come on here bc tumblr really brings me back to my 16-24 yr old self and she would be so affected by this. but man. i’m upset and everyone on twitter is playing woke police (as they do) and i really need to just

my one direction era kinda predates this blog actually, i was transitioning away after zayn left bc i felt like the illusion was shattered

been crying on and off the last few days. i feel horrible that he’s gone and i feel horrible for even feeling horrible

the nuance required here is beyond what i could fit on twitter, and to be honest so many people on there are just barely no longer teens themselves they have no idea how to relate to this feeling with me . like they weren’t there . and i’m glad cuz this feeling is jarring

i can’t remember mourning a celebrity before this. which is probably bc i’m only 29. like this just happened so quickly and he was so young i was in shock the first day and was like, oh, just another celebrity death whatever lols thankfully idc anymore. and then the next day the memorial posts started flooding in not only from the other boys - i know they’re grown now but we grew up together and they’ll always be those boys to me - but also from names i haven’t thought about in years - lou teasdale, josh devine, max from the wanted, greg horan 😭

and today i started to see posts from other fans.. people i had connected with over a decade ago. or people i never knew but who went through that experience with me regardless

it hits harder and harder every day. haven’t showered since tuesday. hair is a mess. was scraping by doing the bare minimum at work

now it’s the weekend and i’ll have a chance to catch my breath. or maybe just sit with it some more

liam was one of my first favorites in one direction. i was impressed with his vocal tone and range, i could always pick out his lines because at first he was just more mature and practiced than the others when it came to singing

i remember when he followed me during one of his twitter follow sprees i literally jumped off the sofa with my ipad in hand and started crying. my mom was like what is happening 😭 but she knew it had to do with That band because at that point, in my life, everything was

an escape when my teenage years were filled with so much strife - dad moving out on us after literally trying to kill my mom, brother in and out of the hospital, mom struggling to make ends meet and pay the bills while going to university for the first time in her 40s — on top of just regular teenage shit.

not fully understanding how the csa i suffered as an infant had affected me and attempting to navigate my own sexuality within that. allowing so many men to treat me as an object to be used - sexually, emotionally, whatever - bc that’s what i felt i deserved.

and almost zero support to pick up these pieces. living in shame and dealing with self doubt and downright hatred. until i realized i could find a healthier escape - not sex, not drugs, not rebelling at school - connecting with a community over music and these boys who were offering us a safe space. one direction would be there to help me handle some of the toughest life changes anyone has to deal with. emotional loss of a parent. restructuring of a household. neglect. bullying. hypersexuality. friends suicide attempts

but at the end of the day they were always there with a twtcam or a follow spree or a concert where other fans could post videos

it’s so heartbreaking to think it will never happen again. ever. because he was troubled and on drugs and fucked up from fame. we’ve seen this so many times and the news cycle will move on and life will continue for the rest of us but my god it’s so hard to stomach

someone who once offered you so much support without even knowing - made me smile on days i would have been numb or crying. whose voice comforted me more than anything else at one point.

it’s so fucking hard and complicated i guess is what i’m trying to say. and it hurts. and i don’t use this blog anymore so if you read even part of this — thank you. i love you

[ineed-to-sleep]

what does Vincent do for a living? is he deemed attractive in his universe?

Honestly I think of Vincent as like, moderately attractive for VTMB's 2004 Los Angeles. He may not be the image of a stereotypical hunk but he's got some conventionally attractive traits(like being tall with broad shoulders and a strong jawline sjjxkc plus he takes good care of his appearance). If you ignore the fact he's very reserved and has zero rizz, I think he could easily be called handsome. For the time I can see the mullet being a bit of a dealbreaker for some people so yk he might not be for everyone, but I think there's plenty of kine who would see him as attractive and also a couple of the LA kindred. Jeanette for example has definitely hit on him in the past and like, despite the fact she flirts with most people, I like to think she'd genuinely find him cute ndndjd

But he doesn't really like, see himself as attractive, though. He has some good days but more often than not he has some self esteem issues. He went through a lot of bullying growing up for his appearance, for being brown and mixed, for being quiet, for being nerdy, and got some traumatizing rejections by girls in school, especially during his teens. A lot has changed for him since then but that kind of trauma sticks yk? That was like, 20 years before vtmb so he's had some time to heal some of that in his adulthood, he's changed the way he dresses, he's been flirted with and complimented on his looks, but in the back of his mind those experiences still make him insecure and he has a hard time approaching anyone romantically or sexually for fear of rejection and out of thinking he's not "good enough" as he is. Also, compliments matter a lot to him yk? Bc he often gets insecure, having that validation come from someone else can really flip his mood.

About what he does for a living hmmm he's been through a couple of different "jobs". He started his kindred life as a Camarilla spy(his sire purposefully embraced him to make him one), then after he drove his sire out of the city he started working more closely with the LA barons, at first as a "sweeper", the guy who collects and hoards information on every kindred in the city, and then found his vocation as a "guy who cleans up masquerade breaches". Not sure if there's a name for that, but that's what he did, and where he excelled. Investigating what happened, who did it, covering it up, and taking measures so the masquerade breaker doesn't do it again. He made a lot of people angry, and he didn't necessarily like what his job *meant* for him, but he sure loved doing it.

I think I've mentioned it here before somewhere? But just in case I haven't, Vincent went to college for journalism, so a lot of the skills he learned there he was able to apply here. He knows how to investigate something, pry for information, and bring it to the public, and he also understands how something typically gets shoved out of the public eye and covered up, and how biased journalism can influence people. When he was presented with the job of covering up a masquerade breach, he knew exactly what he needed to do, even if it wasn't what he went to school for nor what his *ideals* dictated for him. And when he chose to study journalism he was very idealistic- he believed he could do his part in changing the world by bringing information to the masses, bringing to light injustice and inequality and not letting anything get swept under the rug and forgotten because it benefits someone in power. It's been a real trip for him to have ended up doing pretty much the opposite- covering up murders, assaults and missing person cases just so that vampires can stay in control and keep on leeching on society, powerful and uninterrupted. He reasons it's for the best, that he's helping avoid a kindred/kine war that could only end up with a horrendous body count. He reasons that yk, maybe he was wrong, too naive, that maybe sometimes leaving certain things in the dark actually serves the greater good. But if he was being *honest* with himself, part of him likes what he's doing. All the skills he learned, knowledge he gathered over the years, it's all coming together now- all his talents are being put to good use and he's *good* at what he does, and he likes being good at something. There's a kick he gets out of it, even though he wouldn't exactly like to admit it.

[sincerelyyellingback]

This was said in response to this post. I was blocked before I could reblog with my response, so here it is:

I agree with you 100% about which community the deer are supposed to represent, but I don't see how you think that's a good thing. ls it an accurate comparison? Yes, very much so. But is it positive? Not the way I see it.

The deer are leading Tommy further down the path of his own delusions, further away from everyone who ever loved him. That first night in the woods was a very had experience for Tommy. It could have been the wake-up call that Tommy so desperately needed. Maybe Tommy would have accepted himself for the adult human male that he is, if the real deer hadn't encouraged him to continue to pursue his delusions.

And this is where being gay differs from being trans, or a '"therian" (I can only guess at what THAT is. I'm not looking it up because I know that I don't wanna know). I am a homosexual woman. I didn't have to put on a doofy costume, or seek out external validation, or change a single thing about myself or my lifestyle in order for that to be true about me. Because it's ACTUALLY who I am.

I did know that I was diferent from a young age, and l'm aware that the fact that I lost no friends or family because of who I am is a very lucky thing, and not a universal experience among gay people. I was bullied a bit in middle school for being a lesbian, but people got over it eventually, when they realized that my homosexuality had no effect on them. There ARE happy endings for people like me. I can live in the real world as my true self, because "gay" is something that a person can be, with no mental gymnastics required whatsoever. There's nothing "queer" about me. I'm just a normal person.

A human man who tries to become a deer (or even to become a human woman!) is not ever going to be happy, because he is chasing a reality that is not physically possible for him to attain.

Tommy had a great life before he decided to fuck off into the woods. There was nothing wrong with his life, only with his brain. Maybe he should've sought therapy instead.

[onwriting-hrarby]

hii hera! i am SO terribly sorry to ask you such a random question, but do you have any at all advice for writing college essays? i’m asking you this because i’m aiming for more of a storytelling kind of essay about an important event in my life and i figured there’d be no one better to ask for tips than you! i know college essays and fics or original stories are vastly different, but is there any tip you can share with me that’ll help me write my essay in a more personal and profound level? i’m mainly looking at chapter 13 of rotten judgement, “the voice” where mikasa has a long, extremely well written first person account of her life. the way you wrote it with so much personality genuinely baffles me because although you might have similar experiences as rj mikasa, in the end, she is only a character and your writing managed to bring her to life in the most beautiful way. so, how do i bring my essay about my struggles (quite similar to mikasa’s, actually) to life? i’m sorry for such a long ask. thank you hera!

(this is a long, long answer, so grab a coffee, hehe)

AHHH I LOVE ASKS LIKE THESE! So please, any question, do not hesitate! And thank you very much for your praise on Chapter 13. it is my favourite chapter of all. I didn't have that much of similar experiences with Mikasa, like, particularly we had some, but no that much. But universally? Now, that's another thing.

When you are writing about your struggles, I think you have to write it in a universal way, because that's how you will appeal to people who haven't lived what you've lived. For example, for me and Mikasa, we only had in common some colorism, but Mikasa's experience was much harder—of course—and it involved bullying, racism, chauvinism... If I had thought this wasn't universal, I wouldn't have written it. But in the abstract, aside from the particular story, this is all universal. Bullying involves disrespect, not being heard, being stigmatized and put in a box that you don't belong just because of what you say or do or dress. Racism is quite another thing and I'm going to put it bluntly and like for small children, but it's also about you being stigmatized and hated because of a tradition and your skin color and where you were born, ultimately. Chauvinism is the same as racism but because of your gender. But what I mean with this is: everyone has feel hatred towards them once in their life. Everyone has felt stigmatized, and abandoned, and not heard. Even if this person is alt-right—if you talk to them, you will realize that they say that "they are forgotten", "the minorities have taken over us", etc etc. I don't condone them, but there is something about not being heard and having the feeling that others will take your place, and that is fear.

I think fear is the most human feeling of all. I don't know the type of your college essays—although I find it very interesting, hehe, we don't have such a thing in Spain!—but I would say that to talk about your struggles you need to talk about everyone's struggles. You have to be vulnerable about it, but you need not to think about you but to think about the you that is universal.

For example (now I went back to the chapter hehe): "Did you dislike me because I looked a certain way? I knew you had always seen me so: because, when we were children, you had commented on my eyes, and you said they were unusual but strange, and also my hair was so silky, and back at the time, I had grown to think that what I was was okay. But now, you were looking at me like I was a freak, Eren. I know you weren’t thinking that, and I’ll believe you, and I don’t think you’re the whole problem, either. But I was not taught to love someone like me, so that’s what I thought."

This paragraph is obviously about racism, but it's largely about not loving yourself. I would say, in colors: EYES (the triggering, the particular story) -> LOOKING A CERTAIN WAY (the consequence, the universal trigger) -> Like I was a freak/love someone like me (the feeling, abandonment, universal feeling). One is the particular story and the other is the abstract. It's also about not being taught how to love yourself—about the system and about stigmatization. You feel this way in multiple scenarios: you can not love your gender, you can not love your social class, you can not love your religion. If you talk to someone from a poor village that votes the alt-right and is against "commies", maybe they feel dumb because they are not "intellectual" enough (this happens in Spain). They also feel like the way they are now is inappropiate, even if they do not belong in a minority. Rather than asking yourself Am I shining a light about who I am?, ask yourself: "Am I shining a light on what the reader might feel?" But you need to answer this question on the second stage of the essay, in your revision/edition.

I don't know if I'm making sense or if you are understanding what I'm saying hahaha but basically, do not stop at your particular story. Look at what you want to talk about and go to the primary feeling. For example, when my dad went to live to another city—they were divorced—I could think that this is the story: My dad goes to another city, it's alright, it's not a big deal. But it was, because what I felt is abandonment. And everyone has felt abandonment—maybe not from a father but from a mom or any other adult in their life. So instead of recalling the story from the story, I would recall it from the feeling.

If you have some time before writing the essay, I would recommend you to read a book by Annie Ernaux. They are incredibly short, so you can do it in one seating. Annie Ernaux basically talks about her experience, but she makes it very universal. In "Shame", she talks about the love story of her parents and how they met—but subjacent, there is also class, and how she feels coming from a lower class and making it big. This shame is very polarized: she should feel GLAD that she's made it out of her lower social class, right? But no: she feels unattached, shamed, a daughter that is not loving enough.

You can also read the first part of "The situation and the history" by Vivian Gornick. Or "Fierce attachments", but I believe the first one is much more "manual" and gives you like a how-to on writing essays that feel universal somehow.

Anyway, if you have ANY OTHER question or punctuation please let me know. I'm not an expert on essays, and this is the first time I responded something like this!

[mediocre-noodle]

mom was watching HP: order of the phoenix while i was unloading the dishwasher so i got ✨ dallas ideas ✨

bc magic is more tolerated there, dallas doesnt have to age his body up. this means he can go around with years passing by and still look yk. 17-18 (the age he died :P) even though hes AT LEAST several hundred-thousand years.

when hes bored of traveling the magical world, he goes to hogwarts and roams the halls like the ghosts would. hes a well-known attraction and often looks out for the kids and helps w homework. you may also see him in classes.

^ he avoided the years that voldemort was in school so the bitch wouldn’t know what he’d look like.

^^ this is allowed bc when he first entered the HP universe, he asked dumbledore if it was fine (and gave a bit of info taht he was nonhuman). he did go to school for those 7 years though for the full ✨ experience ✨

so to add onto the ‘coming back when bored,’ he came back the year harry was entering his first year. lots of people were like omg its harry potter and then like OMG ITS THE RED CROW (or something.. idk yet. if the students know about him through a legend passed down from their parents and other people, most likely only a small group know his name.)

why is this important?? dallas is fucking protective and wouldnt let anything bad happen to harry istg. probably sees him as a younger sibling and relates to him a lot (saving to save the world trope i forgot the name). he’d pop up outta no where and be like ‘YOU WANNA ATTACK HARRY? MY BROTHER??? BITCH YOU THOUGHT!’ and then the enemies would be pissing themselves. (and harry would be like how tf did you know i was here??’)

wait omg harry sees a bit of his mom in dallas bc he has red hair and green eyes (will shapeshift to green eyes a lot to appear human.. wait what if dallas shifted to heterochromia green-yellow thatd be badass. wait^2 thats the sprite logo WHAHAHHD—) SOBBIGN I CANNOT.

skip is to dallas as dallas is to harry if you catch my drift (big brother figure) (RIP skip)

kinda wondering if dallas would interfere w the dursleys before hogwarts or after because uou have: 1.) before. dallas raises harry and harry is so more snarky and sassy. harry doesnt get abused or bullied or neglected ffs. he gets a caring brother figure and a found family (the syzygy (if you dont remember: aji, memphis, seraphina, and more to come)). less trauma probably. 2.) before. harry lives w the dursleys still but dallas randomly pops up in his life at certain points. theyre friends :] so when harry goes to hogwarts and sees dallas hes like :0 and then when he finds out dallas is like. immortal?? and not human (rumored to be—dallas never confirms it) hes like ‘???????? IM FRIENDS WITH AN IMMORTAL NONHUMAN SUPER-POWERFUL BEING???’ and then has to pretend to be chill about it and like he hasn’t met dally before. 3.) after. dallas befriends harry after he shows up in school bc he doesnt want pthers realizing soemthing is up. he feels bad about leaving harry to the dursleys though. he will often pop up during the summers and say hi :D 4.) after. dallas is like bro fucking finally harry is here!! lets go!! and has to pretend not to know what the dursleys are doing when harry opens up to them one night. dallas then basically sues the dursleys and gains uhh whats the word.. CUSTODY!! of harry. (why was i thinking child ownership ;-;). back to idea 1 where harry basically has a new brother figure and found family. he gets put in therapy, effective immediately. dallas will go too if that helps (god save yhat therapist. better get an NDA.) happy ending!

mkay thats all i have rn hope you enjoyed the meal teehee

oh and dallas is a ravenclaw

YESSSSSSS i havent cared about harry potter im years but i am EATING THIS UP!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NO CRUMBS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

theres a rlly cool dynamic there i think cause like. harry is definitely a kind of ‘i dont need any help ill be fine’ and dallas is similar to that i feel? but in a way where he would know better and go ‘aintnoway youre pulling THAT one’ and forcefully help solve the situation

[semper-legens]

89. Lunar Boy, by Jes and Cin Wibowo

Owned?: No, library Page count: Unknown/not numbered My summary: Indu isn't the same as his classmates. He was found on the moon, a child alone on the lunar surface, with nobody else in sight. Taken in by his loving mother, he finds a new joy in the community spaceship he is raised on - but when his mother wants to return to New Earth, Indu has to face the biggest challenge of his life. Suddenly, there's school, and languages, and bullies, and prejudice to deal with - never mind the crush on his pen-pal who starts ignoring him. Alone once more, Indu calls to the moon to take him back - but is he willing to leave all he has behind once more? My rating: 4/5 My commentary:

Every so often, I'm tidying the shelves in the junior section of my library, and I come across a new and shiny graphic novel that looks interesting. The art style was cute, the premise was interesting, and flicking through I saw that the main character was a trans boy! Naturally, that piqued my interest. I read it in one night, and was very charmed by what I saw. It's a very nice, very sweet story of a kid coming to terms with living in a new place, being part of a blended family, and being trans. (Sidebar: if the creatives haven't seen Steven Universe I will buy a hat solely for the purpose of eating it.) I really liked it, and I'd totally give this to a kid in my life. It's cute!

First of all, this book is very sweet. It's all very heartwarming and feelgood - Indu faces a lot of chaos around the major changes in his life, but he has a lot of people who love him dearly, and manages to work out his issues with everyone in the end. But Jamie! I hear you cry. Weren't you just criticising another book for being too light and fluffy with its subject matter? Well, yes, but this is very much a book for kids - more than that, young queer kids finding their way in the world. I can see how a book like this would be really valuable for a kid questioning their gender or sexuality, with the emphasis on families coming together and differences being honoured, and while change is scary, it can also be a good thing. That's a message a lot of 8-12 year olds need to hear. I think the book does err too much on the side of caution at times (there's very few people who actually have a problem with Indu, which will sadly not be the experience of many trans kids reading this) but overall, I think the idea of portraying a rosy future for kids on the margins of society is a good one. And I like how there were both transmasc and transfem characters - though there were more transmascs, our one transfem got a lot of focus and was a very credible character. I know her. I've known girls like her.

The focus is on alienation, and we've got that classic sci-fi blend of the literal and the metaphorical. Indu is moving to a new place, he's starting a new school, he's struggling with learning a language - all things that happen with real kids in real life. It just happens that the new place he's moving to is another planet, and the other kids alienate him because he's from the moon. It's not especially subtle, but in the way that media for children kind of has to be - I'm not gonna penalise this book for which I'm at least a decade out of the recommended age range, ya know? And there's a lot here. I haven't yet talked about how it's also about Indonesian culture - Indu, from the moon, doesn't know much about it, so we learn along with him as he is more adopted into the culture of his family, including a coming-of-age ritual when Indu is ready for it. Transness and queerness as it relates to Indonesian culture is also discussed; it's not something I can claim any expertise in, but it was interesting to read! There was a lot of untranslated Indonesian, as well, not so much to be alienating to non-Indonesian speakers, but enough to emphasise the culture on show here. There was a lot to like here, and I really enjoyed it!

Next, a horrific murder and an escaped prisoner.