#knight of insanity | astolfo.

[versegm]

God. Guda fucks me up so bad my man. Because yeah yeah they're fucked up they're insanely friendly no one else could have done what they have done. But also. They're genuinely Just Some Dude. They're not a hero. They're not chosen by any prophecy. They don't have a tragic backstory. They don't have any special ability aside from maybe being friendlier than most. They're not here for some grand ideal they didn't choose any of this they were just forced into circumstances and they're too damn stubborn to give up. Saber chose to pick up the sword Astolfo chose to become a knight Shirou spent years looking for an opportunity to save people. But Guda just Happened To Be Here. They didn't want this!! If you left them alone in a corner they would probably be chilling with friends they wouldn't look for trouble or adventure!! Even now, even turned into someone people hesitate to call a human at first glance, they're still Just Some Dude. They still want nothing more than to eat a warm meal and vibe with friends and live. They are supporting the weight of the sky and the only choice they ever had in the matter was to keep going despite the pain. It's arguably no longer a choice at all. They don't know any different anymore.

[haz3-daz3]

I've never seen anyone write for Fate before, I'd be really happy to request from you if it's alright with you. If a request is okay with you, could the reader be an ocarina player who was shunned for playing where she came from? She's forced to enter the Holy Grail war and summons Astolfo. Reader apologizes to Astolfo often over time as she feels she'll let him down. She reveals she really just wanted to be a musician, and Astolfo becomes supportive of her goal. For the first time, reader feels reassures that her dream was worth chasing.

I gotchu covered!

Hope this is to your likinggg (￣ω￣)

im so sorry in advanced if Astolfo's OOC (ಥ﹏ಥ)

There are also a ton of other ocarinas so I uh chose the 12-hole ones because hey, Charlemagne’s 12 Paladins, ya know?

I also have no experiences with ocarinas so im sorry if the depiction is lacking (ﾉω･､)

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Astolfo x OcarinaPlayer!Reader

"Join the Holy Grail War, they said, it would be fun they said. Well no they didn't say that, more like they pushed me into it so, ha, I guess..."

Y/N sat in one of the sterile rooms of this secretly-owned-by-the-Mages' Association-motel. One where her parents specifically got for her since...well, she's the one representing the family in the War. The Holy Grail War.

The Servant she summoned; perpetually perky, pink-haired paladin only hummed in response. A gauntlet-wearing hand scratching the side of his rather pretty, fair-skinned face as he processed this information.

Rider Class Servant. True Name Astolfo, One of Charlemagne’s Twelve Paladins. Rider of The Hippogriff. And apparently a cross-dresser no thanks to a certain fellow Paladin going insane, but details, details.

"I see." He said, it was pretty generic, and it honestly sort of grated on Astolfo's nerves too. "For what it's worth, I think you're doing well as my Master." He tried; optimistic purple-pink eyes trained on his Master's face who in turn just shrugged, clearly not convinced. "For now, that is." She said, eyes suddenly finding the corner of the room interesting. “Just you wait, I’ll let you down eventually…” She muttered, more to herself than to him but he still heard her.

He crossed his arms, a sigh leaving his lips as he looked around the room. The white sheets of the bed, brown wood furniture, some strange colored shell-looking object with holes, tiled floors—

Hey wait a moment.

Astolfo perked up in curiosity at the vaguely hair dryer shaped trinket on the end table of the bed, right beside where his Master sat. His footsteps light as he came near, picking it up and noticing the 12-holes around it. But purpose did it serve?

“That’s my ocarina.” His Master said, finally not looking as glum. A slight sheen in her non-battle-hardened eyes, her attention completely on the thing he held. “An ocarina?” While the Grail did give Astolfo basic knowledge about the era he’s summoned in, he’s not entirely sure what an ocarina is. Still confused on what those 12-holes are for. “Is it for decoration?”

“No, silly.” His Master chuckled, looking nothing like that girl who was so insistent that she’d disappoint as his Master. “Here let me show you,” she said, gently taking the ocarina as she grasped it with both hands and placed her faintly pink lips on the “handle”? Astolfo does not know his ocarina anatomy.

She blew, and a tune came out. “It’s an instrument? Amazing…” Astolfo said, his voice trailing off. Noticing how his Master seemed to be encouraged by his interest.

“My peers don’t think it’s amazing; a waste of time, they call it.” Y/N said, shoulders sagging but she still held the ocarina like it was her greatest treasure.

Astolfo bristled at that, a waste of time? Preposterous, something that brings joy to someone was not a waste of time to the cross-dressing Paladin. “Why don’t you play me something, Master? I wanna hear a tune!” He said, hoping to somewhat cheer her up.

Y/N hesitated, looking at him, expecting mockery, but all she saw was genuine curiosity. Well, he was a knight, not to mention her Servant so maybe he’s just being nice, she rationalized. Not really used to the earnestness in those rosy eyes.

“Okay, just one.” She said, placing her lips on the windway, opting for that one song she first learned. Though she highly doubts Astolfo knows what a video game is.

Astolfo sat down beside her, wondering how she was to play with the wind instrument. But he didn’t need to dwell long before a sweet tune filled the room, silencing his more chaotic thoughts and his evaporation of reason. Sanity intact.

Lashes fluttered close, fingers deftly covering and freeing the air from the numerous holes and producing different tones. He still doesn’t know how this ocarina worked, all he knows is that whatever she’s doing, it’s soothing.

Astolfo couldn’t help the tapping on his foot, or the subtle sway as he let himself be lost in the music, breathing evenly.

But it was quickly silenced when both of them suddenly felt a presence. Astolfo could sense a Servant, the stench of mana unmistakable. And while anger never came quick to him, tonight, he was irritated. His Master didn’t finish the song.

His lance appeared in his hand in a swirl of wind, cloak donning his shoulders. And even Y/N looked dejected she didn’t finish her playing, taking a deep breath as she stood. “Let’s get to it, then.” She said, eyes determined and trained on Astolfo.

Astolfo grinned, a shot of smugness as he leveled the lance, resting on his shoulder. “Okay, and after that, could you finish the song for me?”

Y/N looked surprised at that, freezing a moment before she returned his smile, a sight that further gave Astolfo a rush of bravado.

“I’ll play you as many songs as you want.”

[nasuversekinkmeme]

Weekly Roundup: prompts

Mahoyo

Alice reluctantly enters a political marriage with May Riddell Archelot when funds begin to run low and Riddell tries to prevent getting married off to an unwanted suitor. She and Riddell have to keep up the facade of a romantic relationship to keep up their mutual goals despite their mutual dislike and find those feelings slowly becoming more real.

Kara no Kyoukai

With the knowledge that Mikiya is the Ryougi family accountant now, please some boss/employee role play between Shiki/Mikiya

Tsukihime

Melty Blood

Considering (as far as I'm aware) we never see it in canon, a fic about Sion and Satsuki meeting and forming the Back Alley Alliance would be cool

Fate/Prototype

Alternate Ending for Fragments: Elza adopts Ayaka, Misaya and Aro, all are a family of choice, Manaka can stay in hell.

Fate/Stay Night

Artoria has an insane head game. Lancelot knows. He kinda wishes he didn’t, but he does.

Sexual assault tw, “Considering they’re the result of my being raped by fraud by own sister and we then fucking killed each other, I’m think I’m being remarkably civil.”

Smut, okay. what if like due to a long time being incarnate and maintaining a less active lifestyle, rider medusa has definitely gained some weight in particular, her already voluptuous body has gained some truly lewd proportions in her fat ass and thick thighs. and sakura is very, VERY appreciative of this. rider is somewhat embarrassed but certainly enjoying the attention from sakura. sakura/rider, lots of ass worship and lascivious description of rider's big, round, plump behind

Fate/Zero

I would love to read about genderbent Kariya Matou. I think her motives would be the same, but her interactions with the rest of the cast would be different. Her anger about the treatment of Sakura and resentment towards Zouken/Tokiomi would come from a place of how how Magi treat women in their family. It would also be nice to see Berserker Lancelot break from his madness to treat her nicely. (Worms may or may not be included).

Prisma Illya

Gorgon install shirou during heaven's feel. well it's gonna be impossible for dark sakura to do any kind of damage to him while he's currently over 20 stories tall. and to make things worse for rin , shirou's been getting some intrusive thoughts from gorgon herself ; and said intrusive thoughts can be summed up as "just eat those red idiots for mana" and "why not just crush that brat & run off with artoria?"

Fate/Extra

Gawain is living it up as a swingin’ bachelor…until Dame Ragnell gets summoned. Then he hard switches to “happily married man” and somehow get’s laid MORE. This confuses the hell out of everyone who 1. Doesn’t know them personally, or 2. Never read the story of how they got together, since Ragnell appears ugly as sin (and is at best curt) to anyone she doesn’t completely trust. Loophole; she’s never heard of Barghest, but being “Gawain” she counts and can see past the illusion. Reaction up to u.

Fate/Apocrypha

Smut, Astolfo being the world’s biggest switch and loving every minute of it. One minute they’re being pegged in a ball gag, the next they’re reaming out an ass write their foot on someone’s head.

FGO

so Chloe's whole... thing... is "justified" in-universe as she needs magic to stay stable, so she gets it by doing... that. Ergo, I want to see something where she's summoned in Chaldea and thus hooked up to a stable magic supply, so she doesn't have to do that anymore and gets to actually Process and maybe just Be A Kid instead.

Smut, You know, Mash is horny on main for her queen, nothing special about it. So when they're on the beach and Morgan asks her a little help to put sunscreen on her shoulders, Mash tries. She really really really tries not to think anything dirty but she can't help since she's touching so casually MORGAN'S BARE SKIN AND IT'S SO SOFT AND SMOOTH AND �� “Thank you, my knight.” “Oh god please I need you in my pants right now.”

Sitonai is in the Body of Illya as we know, her profile indicating a good relationship with Shirou that is most likely from either the Fate or Heavens Feel route. Archer is a Shirou from a timeline similar to the route where he and Saber bond never developed to the point as the true Fate route, and among all shirous in chaldea he has the best relationship with Illya, given they lived together. All that is to say: Fate Grand Order: Illya Route, i need it pleass

Ishtar doing her best to find a way to cure or suppress Barghest’s curse…for selfish, horny reasons. Barghest is actually right in the overlap point of Ishtar and Rin’s strike zones: adorkable, eager to please, built like a brick supermodel, hung like a bear. It’s just that neither of them are into guro.

Summer Yu Mei Ren and Cu form a deep, entirely platonic bond over shared interests (read: killing things with cursed spears/camping), and Ritsuka has to reassure her that no, having a male friend is not the same thing as cheating on her husband.

Smut, Oberon and Jalter fuck. Everyone calls it the whitest boning anyone's ever seen

Smut, Melusine gets lovingly railed beach side by a group of girls, some have dicks, some don't, all that matters is that Melusine is getting the loving she deserves

Smut, I want to see Medb getting lovingly impregnated by the reader.

Gudako: *sees summer Lancelot's FA* Gudako: *turns to Mash* Gudako: "I'm sorry Mash but I have to fuck your dad"

morgan castoria or oberon get stuck watching a live action 10000000 page slow burn mutual pining fic set in novum chaldea and possibly have to restrain themselves from just going up and telling the two idiots whoever they are that their feelings are fucking mutual moron i can see it with my faerie eyes please just get together so i can live my life without reading your mind as you wax rhapsodic about this bitch's smile and sulk because you think they dont like you

Smut, Gawain/Barghest smut with Gawain fighting for his life to not get eaten for as long as he can while motorboating Baggie’s giant boobs

loli tw, One more inspired by cleaning up old Interludes: in David’s, he confirms he’s “a lure for giants.” Let’s see how this legendary horndog handles being simultaneously pursued by Gorgon, Kingprotea and Bunyan. (He would pick Kingprotea, like a sane person, if he had any choice. Gorgon is involved. He does not have any choice.)

Smut, Guda finally gets used to the fairy eyes Morgan Castoria and Oberon have, proceeds to start using it to telepathically dirty talk

i feel like everyone missed that cnoc/knocknarea and castoria had their fateful first meeting when castoria was 11 years old, i want something about this... i feel its very funny that cnoc basically decided her rival/girlcrush/best friend would be this weird little girl

Smut, unsanitary, Castoria discovering 1) what human periods are and 2) that she has a huge fucking kink for drinking period blood.

Smut, I think that somebody should fuck Goredolf. I don't care who and I don't care how, but it should be done lovingly. The man deserves it, goddammit!

Smut, Gilgamesh fucks Koshyanka up the ass. She then manifests a strap-on that’s also a gun and returns the favor. Somehow, Gil is still topping the second time.

Castoria and Caster Gilgamesh hook up impulsively and click together shockingly well, so they actually start a serious relationship. They keep it secret from everyone primarily because CasGil knows his Archer self would use it as an excuse to harass Saber again, and that would likely domino into disaster. Castoria is sick to the teeth of lying though, and Gil doesn’t like it either; they’re both REALLY good at it, but it still sucks. How will they cope? Will it all end in tears?

Smut, Yakudou trio fucking around engaging in Looney tunes hijinks leading into actual fucking

Shuten reviews various types of alcohol from all over the world.

Nursery Rhyme and Oberon have a discussion about the nature of stories and whether they truly are for the reader or not They don't have to agree, but just… something about the two living stories interacting feels… right. bonus points if, while they cant stand each other they still seem to value each other because of their natures as Living stories.

It's clear that the stress of everyday life is getting to Ritsuka (sleep deprivation, stressed all the time, depressed half the time as well). So some of their closest servants (who is up to the author) barge into Goredolf's room and demand "GIVE MASTER A BREAK!!".

Smut, MORGAN EDGING MASH PROMPT NOW?

After summoning the Fae of the Round and being asked to give an oral summary of the events of LB6, Guda simply responds with "Fuck Aurora". Without thinking, Melusine shouts "I TRIED DAMN IT" before realizing what she said. What happens next is up to the author but something comedic would be very appreciated.

Paracelsus' potion has an accidental side effect - effect is totally up to the author!

Kadoc, Mash, and Yu Meiren hang out, as the three (debatably) surviving members of Team A currently working for Novum Chaldea.

Gudao constantly lies to everyone around Chaldea, lies about how willing he is to work with evil servants, lies about liking the more annoying servants, etc. all to make sure that Chaldea is kept running. When they finally summon Castoria, they take it as an excuse to tell the truth about how they feel because they know there’s no point in lying to her.

Gudako has weird dreams, thats just how it goes. But lately her dreams have become much weirder, she can't remember much of it, but in them she seems to be talking to someone and recounting some sort of story, she can make out some characteristics, such as orange hair and light skin, but sometimes it seems like they have white hair and dark skin, but no matter what she can never remember their face, or their voice or even what they say, it feels like that person didn't exist and the dream itself is an illusion. So one day she asks da vinci to use one of her inventions to look inside her mind and see whats happening

Smut, Completely heterosexual smut involving Mordred and Hyde. ... I never said it was CIS smut, though - Mordred is a trans man and Hyde is a trans woman.

Concept: Morgan and Aesc(Tonelico?) Kick start Mash's new Saberface Harem. Platonic or smutty doesn't matter.

Guda actually became a beast of humanity awhile ago but it's only come up just now

King Hassan receives head Interpret it however you want

it is revealed via faerie eyes that the seemingly all loving endlessly patient master of chaldea CAN hate but its almost entirely focused towards columbus

Gudako, typically the giver of headpats, now gets to be received headpats for the first time.

the newest summer singularity is going to the beach that makes you old

fran 🤝Baobhan Sith having a younger version of your parent get summoned ,and holy fuck are they dorky.

[mithitale]

@drxgonharted​ MASTER!!!!

“ it’s okay, master! fight on! your favorite servant is cheering for you!!!! “

[takashi0]

May I ask what this Orlando Furioso thing is?

Orlando Furioso is the 1516 Epic Chivalric Romance Poem by Ludovico Ariosto, fanmade sequel to the unfinished 1483-1495 Epic Chivalric Romance Poem by Matteo Maria Boiardo, and its status as a sequel has displaced its predecessor in terms of mainstream awareness to such aggravating extents that it makes the popularity of Terminator 2 over Terminator 1 or Aliens over Alien look like potatoes so small they're downright microscopic.

There's a thing called The Matter of France which is a collection of legends, folktales, myths etc. about the French/Frankish King Charlemagne but more commonly about the knights (or Paladins) under his employ that are comparable to the French-Italian equivalent to King Arthurian myth. Only with *slightly* less exaggeration and mythification of actual documented historical figures.

It starts with the Song of Roland, based on an actual battle but exaggerated with artistic license to such extents that people consider it a propaganda piece for the Crusades (primarily because of how laughably inaccurate its description of Muslim belief is). People liked that so much that even in the late 1400s and early 1500s long after the Crusades petered out, the French and Italians wanted more of this Roland dude and his wacky adventures (even though he died in Song of Roland) so they started making up their own stories about him and various other OCs do not steal.

Orlando Innamorato and Orlando Furioso are probably the most well known parts of these myths aside from Song of Roland itself, which given how comparatively and unfortunately obscure they are outside of France and Italy, is a little like saying they're the tallest dwarfs in Snow White. Until Fate Grand Order happened and brought in Bradamante, Mandricardo and ESPECIALLY Astolfo, the closest you could probably get to a mainstream accessible way to experiencing the Poems was "Go to Italy, learn Italian and go watch a performance of the plays they made on it lmao."

As for what Furioso is about, like I said it's a sequel to Innamorato. Orlando Innamorato starts out with the titular Orlando (the Italian name for the aforementioned Roland) falling head over heels for beautiful Saracen (and possibly Chinese) Sorceress Angelica, who showed up one day at a tournament hosted by Charlemagne for the purpose of stirring up trouble and throwing the realm of Christendom into disarray by proclaiming anyone who defeats her totally-not-cheating-with-enchanted-weaponry-that-makes-him-unbeatable brother in combat can marry her. Because Angelica's the hottest bitch to ever walk the earth, pretty much everyone's lines up for a go, but shit happens when a giant crashes the party and kills her brother, sending everything into Chaos and kicking off a race between Orlando, his cousin and fellow paladin Rinaldo and a bunch of other knights to chase after the fleeing Angelica in hopes of winning her hand in marriage. And a bunch of OTHER SHIT with OTHER CHARACTERS happens along the way that would take too damn long to give a concise summary of even if I DID remember all of it!

The Furioso picks up where the unfinished Innamorato left off by having Angelica shack up, fall in love with, and marry some average Joe named Medoro, and Orlando, who had been chasing after in blind love (read: lust) the whole time, finds out about this and goes absolutely bugfuck insane (*Furioso* if you will) and strips off his armor and weapons (which get stolen for mcguffin purposes) and tears a path across Europe, North Africa and possibly Asia or the Middle East wrecking everyone and everything in his path until fellow Paladin Astolfo literally returns his wits to him after a trip to the moon (Long story).

Both poems I have semi-jokingly given the moniker of "Medieval Homestuck" due to the fact that there's a ton of characters that we follow for a while on their own little quests that we hop back and forth with in an increasingly elaborate tapestry of chronology like when they switch Viewpoints in Hussie's Webcomic. And also like Homestuck, there's lots of violence, death, and above all Romance.(there's even a Fountain of Love Potion right next to a fountain of HATE potion, which does exactly what you think it does when you drink it!)

There are more characters than I can name because it's been years since I read the Bulfinch Mythology version of the duology (because apparently Bulfinch had to chop out a lot of stuff to weld them together with other related Matter of France/Carolingian myths/Charlemagne Legends in order to try and fit them into a cohesive whole al a Le Morte d'Arthur) partially because I'm not Italian and I generally remember characters if I have a visual to associate them with, but here's some stand out examples:

-Rinaldo intermittently chasing Angelica due to the effects of a love potion and being repulsed by her due to the effects of a hate potion, and when he's not doing that he's lecturing people on unjust laws in towns he passes through.

-Astolfo minding his own business and traveling through the known world in total amazement and repeatedly switching between landing into trouble and solving other characters' problems by total accident.

-Angelica lamenting the death of her brother and running her ass away from EVERYONE just wanting to go home because she can't stand any of her potential suitors except this random schmuck who doesn't immediately try to jump her bones.

-Mandricardo attempting to avenge the death of his father at Orlando's hands only to wisely back out on that plan when Orlando goes berserk, so he settles on stealing Orlando's sword and horse to go on his own wacky adventures.

-Marfisa being a badass lady knight in the 1500s(!!!) and being solely motivated into fighting people for shits and giggles before gradually reasoning that Social Darwinism isn't actually all that cool.

-And my absolute FAVORITE of the myriad plotlines: The Romance between the OTHER Badass Lady Knight Bradamante(!!!) and her boyfriend the Saracen Himbo known as Ruggiero/Rogero and the misadventures they have both on their own and for the express purpose of finding each other again and seeking their eventual happy ending in marriage, where Ruggiero fights with honor as the only Knight to not use enchanted Arms to win fights even if it would come in extremely handy for all the trouble he finds himself in, and in turn Bradamante STOMPS THE SHIT out of anyone who even thinks about trying to mess with her or her boyfriend. Bradamante's the fucking best, I love her.

I tried being brief, but this is what happens when I do in geeky myth stuff; I fail.

[megashadowdragon]

comments 

Commentary:

Roland’s reckless use of centaurs is based on one of the most infamous episodes of his insane, naked trek across continents where he once rode a horse – Angelica’s, which she left behind when she and Medoro just barely escaped Roland’s now heavily sunburnt and gaunt self - for days and nights until it dislocated one of its shoulders. He then decided to carry it on his back where the maimed horse eventually died of hunger and thirst. Still unwilling to just let it go, Roland proceeded to drag the mare’s carcass behind him, using its dead body an improvised weapon against anything in his way.

Deciding he wanted a new horse, the frenzied Roland attempted to trade his very, very dead and torn up horse for a random shepherd’s still alive and not horrible horse. The shepherd - perhaps too stupid, scared, or proud to agree to the demands of a naked, bloody (not his blood, mind) maniac who was strong enough to carry a whole horse – refused. Roland took this about as well as you’d expect and once again rode his newly ownerless horse until it also died of hunger and exhaustion.

With a fresh stallion cudgel at his disposal, Roland stumbled across the Spanish province of Málaga and destroyed much of it as he passed through.

Meanwhile, Angelica and Medoro make it back to India where they marry and live happily ever after.

Roland was initially going to mention Bicorns (which would’ve been more appropriate), but Centaurs just seemed funnier to me.

Yes, Roland is a Count. The Count of Brittany to be exact, a robust but fragile vassal kingdom associated with the Frankish Empire that had only three kings of its own (in very rapid succession) before it fell to Viking control for 30 years. Following its liberation by Alan Wrybeard/Twistedbeard/Varvek, the grandson of Brittany’s last king, it became a duchy (read: feudal state) until it was folded into France six centuries later.

You’ve gotta love how instead of being primarily known as “Sir This” or “Lady That” like more typical knights, Charlemagne’s top thugs went by far more administrative titles: Duke Astolfo of England, Governor Bradamante (yes, really) of Marseilles, Count Roland of Brittany, and EMPEROR Charlemagne/Karl of pretty much everything. Nowadays, folks give these sobriquets to the baddies. And, well, they gave them to baddies back then as well, but more on that in the Valentine’s Day Special.

The Monte Cristo sandwich is a heavily Americanized version of the Croque Monsieur aka “Mister Crunch/Crunchy.” I know. It doesn’t sound quite as fancy in English.

The origins of this alteration are unknown, but a popular theory is that American soldiers or tourists tried a Croque or two while they were overseas during or post War 1 and came home with a basic inkling of how to create the French snack.

The inkling blossomed once planted. Mostly intact apart from three key differences: A lack of cheese on top of the sandwich, the boiling of the ham being optional, and (with Monte Cristos being blitzed with powered sugar and the dipping of them in jam encouraged) it was not a savory dish like the salt-and-peppered Croque Monsieur was.

Originally listed as French Sandwich, Toasted Ham Sandwich, and French Toasted Cheese Sandwich in various cookbooks for decades, it came to be popularly known as a Monte Cristo Sandwich in the 1950s.

Why it was called such might have less to do with the wrathful, cash-fueled rampage of Edmond Dantés and more with how this gluttonously golden assemblage brought to mind the prospecting hubs of old, specifically the snappily named town of Monte Cristo…Washington.

Disney helped popularize the dish’s new name by adding it to the menu of their California Disneyland’s Blue Bayou and Tahitian Terrace restaurants during the 60s.

I’d like to think these two would get along. While Roland is lousy with folly and sin, he is overall a penitent and righteous fellow who was duly and poetically punished for his excesses. Dantés, given his origins, is probably familiar with the beautiful bedlam of Charlemagne myths; a man that theatrical has likely read one too many books. The fact they’re both “Counts” would be the ice breaker.

And look! They both have fancy neckties! Isn't that precious?

These two aren’t ragging on Emiya’s food, God forbid, just the awful wordplay.

What, you think Emiya wouldn’t say something like that? If he were eloquent, he would have convinced his younger self to give up heroism.

[azulfaes]

“I don’t see King Charles-heck his name is. 

Don’t mind me adopting Astolfo under your nose. 

He might be an insane knight, but one still maintains it’s sharpness.” Even if it misses the point. 

[fgodestinyawakenings]

Rank the Limited servants(Knight class edition) best to worst: Sabers(Okita , Nero Bride, Void Shiki , Musashi , Proto!Arthur , Sigurd , Beni and Astolfo) , Archers(Gilgamesh, Summer Artoria , Ishtar , Moriarty , Summer Jeanne , Superhuman Orion and Sei Shonagon) and Lancers(Scathach, Brynhildr , Summer Tamamo and Eresh)

…….. I’m not sure if I’m the one to be answering this……. And I can’t vouch for ALL of them because RNG hates me, and depending on who I managed to get. And I’m basing this all on the current Lostbelt difficulty, so opinions may varied which before you kill me if I don’t agree with your waifu and husbando…

Please by all means ignore this post and continue using them

Sabers:

Art ST Spamming: Nero Bride > Beni > Medb. 

Maybe Beni is better, but from skillset I feel Nero bride wins both support and using for herself. 

Medb I put lower due to every FUCKING MSQ Boss fight is having a debuff immunity, but her other 2 skill is decent to help. Spamming not sure, since my criteria for this is based on Lancelot Saber in both CRIT hell and charging of NP

Quicks ST Saber: Astolfo => Okita > Fran

Unless Okita is getting an upgrade, Astolfo for now wins. Excluding stun most are good for both damage and surviving long for Lostbelt hell. 

Okita as I’m still using her… Still Ok with Skadi’s support, which both are. 

Fran… Not sure why to me, tricky to use and her demerit outweighs more… Which extremely dangerous to survive in Lostbelt situations

Buster ST Saber: Musashi=Sigurd

Both are situational to me. Musashi is more for general Bosses while Sigurd is more towards Boss with Dragon-traits. 

But Musashi may be more preferred, since Sigurd you’ll need to bring best boi George to debuff enemy with Dragon trait. Both have good surviving skills of invincibility and guts respectively

AOE Sabers: Arthurs > Void

Because everywhere in every Lostbelt will at least have one fucking Large-trait monster to deal with. And Arthur having a now crit strengthen, hits enemy real hard without his AOE NP. 

Void, unless she get one more buff for her AOE damage… You can still bring her mobs to insta-kill, but you’re going to time when to heal because her third skill drains quite an amount of NP

===

Archers:

Arts ST Archers: Orion => Artoria

Both are good at spamming their NP… But let’s face it, it’s a Grand Servant vs normal Servant. His whole skillset + NP outwins King Golden Asshole says pretty much how wanted he’ll be when his own banner returns again. And GSSR will be hell to get him among all the other Archers. But if you have, you’re a lucky bastard to have them and I want your luck right now!

Calamity Jane: I haven’t got the chance to use her… But if your team isn’t the kind that generates 30 stars minimum per turn, you can still get up to evasion from her skill. She’s very situational because it all dependant on the turn you want to use of how many stars you have. Otherwise, NP skill of ignore evasion is more than welcome on those evading bosses

Buster ST Archers: Fujino > Moriarty > Anne & Mary

Fujino: NP gain not much of an issue if you have her first skill up, good survivability of defense and mainly guts, NP also hit hard with main focus on buff block on the turn when enemy boss buff themselves like ignore invincibility before using their NP… But now can be dependant if the boss is not permanent buff with debuff immunity

Moriarty: After his strengthening, it’d be best for 2nd skill > 3rd skill to fully utilize his support buff in the team. But he’s dependant with a min of 10 stars to activate his skill. His NP hits even better with his first skill, helping to generate stars along the way. But has a problem of surviving so you’ll need support to keep him alive

Anne & Mary: Unless you have guts buff on them via third skill/support/Mystic code, LB’s situation ain’t that welcoming in terms of enemy doing higher amount of damage to them before they could use their NP. Glass canon with decent NP gain similar to their Rider version… I’d say not impossible if you have the relative Servants, but it’ll be very risky to be able to utilize to their fullest

AOE NP Servants: Gilgamesh = Ishtar > Osakabehime = Sei Shonagon = Jeanne > Helena

Gilgamesh: As the oldest king got dethrone on damage output for overall limited Archers… You still gonna need him, which unless really been datamined, as majority of the Servants are weak to Enuma Elish, including himself. Still a strongest hitter for AOE output like Ishtar. And getting him signifies you wasted this year whole luck, and subsequent SSR after him are just you selling your soul to the devil

Ishtar: The goddess which Archer Gil no doubt want to have her head. And with her strengthening and good support team, she can hit real hard as Gilgamesh. Just remember to time her 3rd skill well before the usage of your NP preferably too

Sei, Osakabehime, Jeanne: They are mainly used as a support with a decent hit of their NP. 

Jeanne: Jeanne onee-chan with self invinciblity, Arts + NP damage + Crit if your field waterside and attack buff to Good Alignment Servants if your roster is them mainly. Plus Onee-chan beam can give crit stars by overcharge for 3 turns.

Osakabehime: A bit tricky by 2nd skill, if you’re running with a ST NP servant in, you’ve got 3 turns to deal with that one target, unless said target remove the debuff themselves. Decent damage dealing, but otherwise she’s your good support Archer to have

Sei: She may be higher than both Jeanne and Osakabehime, with decent amount of Servants who are Neutral and/or Man Attributes. A great support Archer for both her party and herself with all three of her skills and decent NP damage.

Helena: Similar to her Caster version, she’s got NP charge to support your team. But unfortunately she’s got low NP gain and damage, which many other Archer outclassing her. Slightly better in terms of cooldown, but unfortunately her most important 1st skill takes the longest cooldown. You’re probably better off with other AOE NPs Archer for farming

===

Lancers:

ST NP: Scathach > Raikou > Tamamo no Mae = Brynhildr > Ibaraki > Kiyohime

Scathach: Together with her Caster version, she’s definitely one of the most welcome ST NP against Divine Enemies. While insta-death is obviously useless in MSQ fights, her stun is useful but situational if debuff immunity isn’t there. Her first skill may be RNG, but evade is still there for surviving in boss fight

Raikou: A strong case of Glass canon, but her damage outweighs over her lack of defense buff. With strong support skillset for self and both party, she’s definitely one of your best general-trait boss killer against their insane stacks of defense buff. With Summer BB in for support + star generator CE, her whole self is fully otmpized for a painful buster brave or just brave chain itself to the enemy boss

Tamamo no Mae: Strong hitting Anti-male NP with decent support skill set. But in regards to her demerit, you’ll need to time right of when to use unless you have her up on debuff immunity and debuff remover ready. And for her second skill, make sure you have your defensive skill ready if said enemy Servant are near to full NP bar

Brynhildr: One of the good supports for star generation and skillset wise. NP damage while it hits hard, it’s situational because not every Servant we’ve seen is Brynhildr’s Beloved trait

Ibaraki: With SO MANY GOD-DAMN-FUCKING-HELL Servants having defense buff, she’s one with the most welcoming ignore defense to beat shitless out of them. Decent skillset but third skill is really your RNG hating or loving you. Especially worst if you’re facing an enemy who enjoys throwing debuff at your team. Demerit of her NP I feel isn’t that much of a problem, unless you’re also relying her to do star generation. But she does make it up with overcharge of crit stars, which if you’re a whale, best to have it at NP5

Kiyohime: Despite a strong hitting NP, she’s got a problem for NP gain and debuff kit is really dependant… Which now not in her favor again: Debuff Immunity. And lacks of defense and survivability for herself… Especially most mobs are Berserker or mixed class mobs

AOE NP: Romulus Eresh = Melt

Romulus: Yep, our lord and savior. Even with his release.... He’s actually tied with Eresh. Both have the same strong support + defense + overkilling NP with their own support with them (especially pair with Boudica ironically, but gender buff don’t work on Roma via datamine and lore reason). Romulus mainly boils down to his Roman trait debuff stacking on his enemies... But both Eresh and Romulus shares the same problem in current Lostbelt hell: 

Ignore Invincibility

Buff Block

Buff Removal

Debuff removal

Debuff Removal Success Rate (ask DW fucking why)

Debuff Immunity variations

And both play a different role at the end, depending on which you prefer. If you’re looking for a more support-oriented SSR Lancer, Ereshkigal is your girl. If you’re looking for a more AOE ROMA Overkilling Stacking NP, the lord and savior will answer your call.

Eresh: By far still the best AOE NP Limited Servant to have, with both strong party support, surviving yet decent AOE Damage dealing NP but mainly enough for farming. However, she’ll need support on NP gain if you’re planning to do spamming out of it. Though once she do get an NP damage buff by chance… She’s going to become one of the most wanted limited SSR Lancers

Melt: Again, her second effect NP is one of the more welcoming to have in LB hell hole: ignore defense. Her first effect is only activated if you have her 2nd skill active, which is really crucial. Skillset is pretty good, and with NP being Arts, you can have it both spamming and crit hell to your enemies. But do note when you use her third skill, your other 2 Servants’ NP is drain quite a number as she charged herself… So her on double Tamamo team or Tamamo + Casgil + Paracelsus… You get your catch here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y9tJH9HDEyc

[the-kat-of-fates]

Masterpost of fatesonas

Morien: Nohrian female, Shrine Maiden, 20, Straight, Heart seal- Diviner, Rank up- Omyoji. Morien was once a Troubadour of Nohr, daughter of Sheila the Strategist and Chris the General. Chris worked for Garon until he grew insane. The family ran away to Hoshido and were taken in by an elderly couple for shelter. As she grew up, she took on the ways of the Shrine maidens. She tried to help Ryoma in the fight as a healer but was kidnapped by several Nohrian knights. She ended up fighting with Nohr as a prisoner of war. She’s really friendly, and tries to be kind to everyone, even if they do not deserve it. She may look young, but don’t let that deceive you. She is seen as a mom friend. Likes to paint in her free time.

Dvalin: Vallite male, Hart, 22, Bisexual, Heart seal- Samurai, Rank up- Cervum. The last member of a shape shifting species localized in Valla. He was childhood friends with Arete/Mikoto and knew Anakos rather well. He feels connected to Azura and Corrin due to these things. He is rather calm and knowledgeable of all things Valla but does not speak of it due to the curse. He wishes to rebuild his species once the war is over. A true gentleman who you can confide in.

Kegawa: Hoshidan female, Kitsune, 21, Bisexual, Heart seal- Oni Savage, Rank up- Nine-tails. A kitsune who left her Hamlet for being extremely violent to others. She has a major bloodlust towards humans. She uses her “womanly charms” to lure others to their deaths. She is seen as playful by those she gets close to/friends/lovers. She is seen smiling a lot, whether it is from killing a poacher or being happy, no one can be sure. As long as you treat her with respect, there shouldn’t be any problems between you and her.

Kat: Nohrian female, Adventurer, 20, Straight/Ace, Heart seal- Wyvern Rider. A member of Scarlet’s resistance movement. She is seen as lazy or just extremely laid back. Due to this, everyone sees her as weaker than she actually is. That is not the case. Kat is an extremely skilled archer who’s shot rarely fails. She tries to be a good person and help others out, however her laziness gets in the way a lot. She also has difficulties opening up to other people.

________________________________________________________________

Sorcha: Nohrian male, Dark Mage, 18, Pansexual, son of Morien, Heart seal- Troubadour, Rank up- Dark Knight. He is extremely cheerful and seen as charismatic. Morien did not condone him using dark magic, but she knew she could not stop him. Behind his happy mask is a dark, demented personality. If anyone dares to hurt someone he cares for, he will not hesitate to hurt/kill someone. When he ranks up, he takes his mother’s old horse named Agro.

Sisal: Vallite female, Hart, 16, Straight, daughter of Dvalin, Heart seal- Sky Knight, Rank up- Cervum. Seen as excitable, pouty, and the prankster of the group. She does not fully understand she is a rare/dying breed. She tries making as many friends as possible and have as many fun memories for when she has to return to Valla. She does not want to leave, but that has to happen (with or without someone)

Momo: Hoshidan male, Kitsune, 15, Bisexual, son of Kegawa, Heart seal- Spear Fighter, Rank up- Nine-tails. The one to act like a child the most. He likes to run around and hug those who look like they could use one. He could never be mean to anyone. If anyone tries to push him too far, he will turn into quite the cry baby.

Astolfo: Nohrian male, Cavalier, 17, Demisexual, son of Kat, Heart seal- Mercenary, Rank up- Paladin. A gentleman who does everything he can to please the masses. He does not like to disappoint others, especially his family. He looks up to whoever his father is. He is dedicated to training and being the best person, he could possibly be. Wants to be a hero of the people, if not the world. Horse’s name is Charlemagne.

Claudia: Nohrian female, Wyvern Rider, 17, Demisexual, daughter of Kat, Heart seal- Fighter, Rank up- Malig Knight. Known for being extremely snarky and sassy with anyone, especially her brother Astolfo. She does not like when people take her for granted, so she makes a lot of people eat their words. What is more painful than her words? Her fists of course. Wyvern’s name is Baldur.

note: Astolfo and Claudia do not have a design just yet, but eventually they will. Any help would be good help (^~^)

[electronicdelusionstarlight]

The Raging Orlando

With all those TV Shows I’ve found out have been done about Renaissance Italy about sex and death and betrayal, I think s High Time we start talking about some candidates for some T Shows Adaptations taken from some works from Italian (Technically Non-Existent) Medieval Literature.

I’ll start with The Orlando Furioso by Ludovico Ariosto (The Raging Orlando, link to the TV Tropes page).

What could be basically considered as a Continuation Fic for The Orlando Innamorato by another author (The Orlando In Love), The Raging Orlando is technically the tale about a christian knight under Charlemagne who in the previous book fell in love with a Angelica, beautiful princess if Catai. In this book, he discovers that she had actually run away with a squire from the Saracen Army (Who had actually sent Angelica to the Christian Camp in order to sow dissent between their ranks) and so decides to throw a full on tantrum over it.

No, I’m not exaggerating or paraphrasing, that’s literally what he does.

Highlights from this and the previous book:

1) Angelica, Princess of Catai, is Always depicted as a blonde blue eyed beauty by most artists, don’t know why. I mean, She is an agent for the Saracen army/The Devil (I could be confounding myself with Tasso’s La Gerusalemme Liberata (The Freed Jerusalem) which had a similar plot) and I can understand them deciding to send someone physically desirable by the Christian Knights but still...

2) As soon as she arrives in the christian headquarters, all the knights start fighting over, starting a Benny Hill worthy chase scene about all the knights trying to abduct her for themselves. The scene ends with a mysterious knight in full body armor coming from out of nowhere, defeating the remaining knights and then abducting the Princess too.

3) Angelica entertains for a moment the thought that this new player might want her for themselves only for discovering shortly after that the Misteryous Knight is actually Bradamante, a woman paladin. Not that that might prevent her from wanting Angelica fro herself still, but still...

4) And so we have Bradamante, Paladin of France. She’s in love with Ruggero, son of the Wizard Atlante and knight of the Saracenan Army, which unfortunately means no Angelica/Bradamante Endgame. Her and Ruggero have a... Complicated relationship. While you might at first think of them as the embodiment of the Enemies to Friends to Lovers Trope, you should more think along the lines of the Kim Possible - Ron Stoppable Dichotomy. Bradamante is the Action Girlfriend and while Ruggero is a quite capable knight, he also spends most of the time either kidnapped or imprisoned.

5) Also, Bradamante battles the Wizard Atlante in duel as he’s riding an Hyppogriff in order to win Ruggero’s Hand, when will your OTP even, really.

6) Unfortunately, the epic love story between Bradamante and Ruggero is actually the side plot to the story despite it being far more entertaining and watchable. The main plot focuses, as the title might suggest, around Orlando’s Temper Tantrum.

7) Alright so, after many scenes and chases, Angelica ends up finding a wounded Saracen Soldier in the woods. She heals his wound as they both sought shelter in the house of an old Sheppard, and of course she falls in love with him. They bang, they marry, and they decide to elope to Catai together.

8) Orlando, meanwhile, is still searching for Angelica in the french countryside. He decides to pass the night at the same Sheppard that gave asylum to the two lovebirds. After making Orlando sleep on the same bed the two had banged on (Not even joking) the Sheppard tells him the two had banged, married and left fro Catai a couple of days ago. This starts’ Olrando’s Temper Tantrum.

9) He gets naked, runs in the woods, and start eradicating trees before throwing them around. Yeah, not even kidding that’s literally all he does.

10) There’s a bunch of other side stories, one of them involving Marfisa, The Saracen counterpart of Bradamante and basically a blood knight, basically going to an Island ruled by Warrior Women with another knight and then deciding to partake on an ancient tradition they have on the island where the only way a man can conserve his freedom and not being enslaved by the Amazonian-Like Society is for him to defeat 10 amazon warriors in combat before bedding all 10 of them on the same night (It shows the author didn’t get out much uh?). She succeeds at both tasks (See, we would even have a Lesbian character who DOESN’T get shot at the end of the story since she manages to survive the whole thing).

11) Also Angelica has an enchanted ring of invisibility and resistance against spells, who later gets stolen and even later gets stolen again by Bradamante.

12) Orlando gets cured of his insanity by having Astolfo, an English Knight, ride the aforementioned Hippogriff to the moon in order to get back Orlando’s Sanity, because apparently the fucker was THAT important. he then kills the Saracen king, ending the war.

13) Like, I’m skipping most side stories here guys the thing is pretty long. Like, 3 to 5 seasons long. The’re also the events of the Orlando in Love that could be adapted, which kind of doubles the duration of the whole thing.

14) Anyway, the book actually ends with the wedding of Bradamante and Ruggiero, which happens after a series of things:

A) The ghost of the Wizard Atlante appears to Ruggiero and Marfisa, Force Ghost Style, before they can duel to the death, revealing that they’re brother and sisters and that he has always loved them and just wanted to protect them. Basically, Star Wars Episode VI.

B) Ruggiero gets captured (Again) this time by the king of Bulgaria, whose son wants to marry Bradamante.

C) Bradamante, who’s pressured by her father to marry the prince of Bulgaria, then decides a tourney over who’s gona win her hand in combat, deciding to participate for her own hand (Pretty standard stuff really) since she doesn’t see Ruggiero anywhere.

D) Unknown to her, Ruggiero was freed by the prince of Bulgaria, who didn’t know he and Bradamante were lovers, and asked him to win for him the hand of Bradamante in duel. Ruggero, the poor idiot, accepts without knowing is Bradamante’s hand he has to win in battle.

E) So we have Bradamante and Ruggiero, both in full armor and not recognizing each other, basically fighting to the death in order to win Bradamante’s hand without knowing anything about anything else. Pretty dramatic.

F) I’m pretty sure the duel lasted 1 day long or something. Pretty badass.

G) Anyway I don’t remember how the duel ends I just know that at some point the Prince of Hungary discovers about Ruggiero’s and Bradamante’s love story and decides to be the bigger man before having Ruggiero and Bradamante marry after adopting Ruggiero in the royal house of Hungary or something.

15) SEE ORLANDO, YOU FUCK, THAT’S HOW YOU HANDLE A REJECTION.

Now, we would have to change some thing of course. Ruggero and his sister don’t have to convert to Christianity in the end, and maybe we can have an actually “race accurate” Angelica, but I think this thing would actually be a pretty nifty series all things considered.

Also, I’d like for a more villainous depiction of Orlando while also having the focus shift from his stories toward Bradamante and Ruggiero’s Love Story. I mean, LUDOVICO ARIOSTO HIMSELF admitted they were the most important part of the story, so why not make it so in the adaptation.

Keep the Raging Orlando title tho, I think it encapsulates the situation perfectly.

[versegm]

Hi ! Yes, yellow. What's your favorite thing about the pink haired knight ? Why do you ship him with our resident goddess of the underworld?

Was gonna be cheeky and reply with more Orlando Furioso facts, but since you specified pink-haired knight, this will be a fate post.

The exploration of insanity in fiction is a topic that is dear to my heart. What do you define as insanity? Where do you draw the line between sane and insane? And once you're insane- so what? Is it a bad thing? Is it worthy of being unpersoned? What does it mean for you, for the people around you?

Astolfo is a character who provides a lot of really interesting answers to these questions, as someone who actively prefers being insane over being sane (due to becoming painfully aware that everything is dangerous and scary and they're so weak they can't stop their buds from dying when they're sane). Which I find to be a really cool subversion of an otherwise commonly (and usually poorly) explored idea. There's a bunch of other cool shit about them that people would know about if they actually read Apocrypha or paid any attention to them outside of porn doujins but you asked for my favorite one so here it is.

As to why I ship them with Ereshkigal (still the fate one) it's mostly a combo of "they're two characters I like so I want them together" + "Astolfo goes into hell for funsies in the furioso & Ereshkigal has at least one myth about being seduced by an ambiguously gendered person" but I do think they'd pair up well together. It's easy to forget because Guda doesn't give a shit, but Ereshkigal is a pretty gloomy and unsettling person- she does outright tells you "man wish I could keep you safe in a cage forever :/" Like there's a reason why Ishtar warns you about her initially. Girl's a bit fucked up. I don't think Astolfo would give a shit though because "a hero without reason would not fear god" to quote Apocrypha so I think they should both fuck nasty.

[versegm]

Found this in my drafts, an obscure au where LoR Roland becomes summonable in Chaldea.

*

"How did you know that was Roland?"

Astolfo kicks their legs, humming out loud. "I dunno. Same way you can tell the saberfaces apart, I guess? I just felt it in my guts."

"Fair enough." Astolfo and you have a lot in common, you've found. Which should be worrying, considering their whole deal is that they've lost their sanity and all, but you've long accepted that you're a lot less sane than when you first stepped into Chaldea.

"Bradamante came to me, you know?" Oh? "She said it wasn't our Roland, that I shouldn't be so familiar with him. As if I were blind!" They huff, puffing their cheeks. "He's wearing a three-pieces suit and he smells like steam and smoke. I can see he's not a knight like us!"

They pause for a second, as if expecting to be interupted. When it's apparent you're not going to object, they speak again. "But it doesn't really matter, does it? He is Roland. I've witnessed him in the depths of his rage, and I've witnessed him in his last moments. That woman drove him to insanity. He served Charlemagne. He's Orlando, furioso, innamorato. Do the specifics truly matter? There's another me in this Chaldea, there are a dozen of King Arthur. He is not our Roland, but he is a Roland. How could he be anyone else?"

[versegm]

You don’t understand you don’t underSTAND Astolfo is “the knight of evaporated sanity” but it’s not quite their sanity that left, not in the berserkers or people will mental pollution do anyway. It’s more like their common sense, their ability to properly sense danger and, y’know, taking into account the potential consequences of their actions. Astolfo isn’t lolrandomxD, there’s logic to their actions. They just seem irrational because that’s the only way outsiders can rationalize their complete lack of self-preservation. Why would they risk their life for an unknown homunculus, fated to die soon, that’ll surely piss off their allies? more than once? Why would they be so flippant about giving away one of their noble phantasm? Hell, about forgetting the name of that noble phantasm? “You have to be either insane or stupid.” That’s the only way to rationalize Astolfo’s actions. But Astolfo is neither. Astolfo very much follows a coherent thought process, and very knows that their actions might lead to “people being angry at me” or “whoops dee doo I just died.” They just utterly fail to take that into account, to actually bother thinking about it when they act. Astolfo feels, and acts, but doesn’t do much of that thinking thing. It’s not that they can’t or that their conclusions are flawed. It’s just that they don’t.

And Guda? Guda who saw the end of their own life approaching and decided to comfort a stranger about to die? Guda who risked their life to save Shinjuku, a place that explicitely doesn’t exist and is filled with people who are not real? Guda, who treats chronic isekaitis like it’s a normal thing, who looks at unfathomable horrors and go “Tiamat was bigger?” Guda, who is so desensitized to danger that they’re pretty much losing their grip on reality? Is the exact same.

[versegm]

One thing I realized while I was finishing lunch was that Astolfo and Lancelot being foils extends to their abilities as fighters. Astolfo is weaker than most Servants, but makes up for it in the fact that he has a versatile set of powerful Noble Phantasms. Lancelot, on the other hand, is such a skilled and powerful knight that he can take even ordinary tools and use them to fight against other Noble Phantasms, which is normally impossible due to modern weapons being unable to harm Servants.

- Astolfo is a Brit prince who served under a french king, Lancelot is a french knight who served under a Brit king

- Astolfo was known as a “ladies’ man” and had quite their fair share of lovers, Lancelot also has that reputation but only really fucked around with one woman and that had disastrous consequences

- They’re both known for their sudden bits of insanity, but Lancelot had a tendency to go feral and kill people (fate-wise, Gareth mentions that berselot looks a lot like how Lancelot was when he killed her) Astolfo had a tendency to just be a looney toon

- Astolfo’s (rider) nps were all given to them. Lancelot’s np is to take them.

they’re quite foily indeed

[versegm]

So I still have zero knowledge of fate but Astolfo (you mention them a lot!)

You have the patience of a saint to endure my unending stream of random hyperfixations through the years

ANYWAY Stolf!!

- First impression

Astolfo is, according to their fate profile, one of the paladins of Charlemagne, famous kind of France.

I have never, in my life, heard of Charlemagne’s paladins (though I heard plenty about Charlemagne himself)

so yeah my first impression was “Who The Fuck Is That” (turns out the whole “paladins of Charlemagne” deal come mostly from italian shit!! who’d have thought!)

- Current impression

I have never, in my life, wanted so badly to **** someone’s **** (hold their hand)

- Any meta I might have in the back burner

Look I’m too lazy to word it so just take this piece of dialogue from an unrelated thing I wrote

"You ever have very uncomfortable thoughts, and you want to push them back, but your mind keeps circling back to it even if you don't actually want an answer?"

"Ilana, I need you to understand that I don’t actually think. ... So? Don't leave me hanging.What's this question so terrible you're afraid of the answer?"

"I never said I was afraid. ... Well… I was wondering which one you were."

"You'll have to be more precise than that, Ilana. There are many things that I am, and many more than I am not. Sometimes it gets a little blurry."

"... I mean... Are you Astolfo, Paladin of Charlemagne, about which tales and songs were written? Or are you someone, something else entirely, based on his appearance and legend to walk among humans?"

Astolfo, the knight whose sanity was left on the Moon.

There is nothing on the Moon. No one’s sanity. No mountains of lost treasures and wasted time. No Parcae weaving the threads of life. Neil Armstrong confirmed it. None of Astolfo’s take can be true. His very existence just doesn’t make sense.

"Aah, I see what you mean by uncomfortable thought."

"Yeah."

"You know what's the funny thing about it, though?

"... Do tell."

"I don't know either!"

And he’d laughed, clearly thinking it absolutely hilarious. 

It wasn’t.

"Isn't it?” He’d raised his eyebrows in surprise. “... Oh. Yeah, I can see why it wouldn't be. My bad.”

tl;dr Astolfo is someone who is perceived as stupid because that’s the only way to make sense of someone who is so acutely aware of their own schrodinger state of being and yet doesn’t seem to care.

- Something I wish happened in canon

In Orlando Furioso, Astolfo goes on the Moon, where “everything lost and forgotten lays,” and I’m just SAYING it would fucking SLAP if fate canon did something with it.

- Any relationship dynamic I like

Astolfo & Sieg, “I just want this kid to have a normal fucking life and it breaks my heart that he’s willingly choosing a harder path because he wants to do the right thing, but by fucking god I will support him in his endeavor even if it means alienating all my current allies” vs “I owe this person my life, my freedom, my literal heart, and I want to follow their exemple.”

Astolfo & Mordred, “I am weak and insane but I’m perfectly happy with that” vs “if I am not The Best at any given time then it’ll dawn on me that I might be the broken monster I fought so hard not to be and I hate it.” combo with “we both have a lot of thoughts on what makes a good king and how to rule in general.” combo with “we both took one look at each other and thought the other was a clown on sight” combo with “You just tried to kill me and immediately followed with saving my life what, the fuck are you on about” combo with “we both have negative impulse control”

Astolfo & me. Astolfo please date me.